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yuseirra · 13 days

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hello there! i've been lurking on ur blog for a while now, and i absolutely love your art and analyses of hikaai!! you made me realize how good of a ship they are together and how tragic it is, and i think you made me love them as much as i do now. the analyses you write about them have really changed my viewpoint of oshi no ko entirely, and i really enjoy how well written they are. thank you so much for all of it!!

i wanted to ask you if you know some songs that seem very hikaai to you? i want to make a playlist for hikaai because i can't find any on spotify, but right now there's not many songs, so i turn to you for help. i've put mephisto and fatal in there because of your posts with those songs :33

thank you once more !! keep being great !!

Hello!// Wow, it's such an honor! I say this a lot lately but I really mean it.. Really? I am so glad! Ah, this makes me so happy. I've been writing about them in a rather frantic manner, I wish I could be more graceful and calm... I'm suddenly feeling a bit shy hehe but I have to be really stern about wrong things, aren't I!! I can't be so calm when I talk about beings like Ryosuke, there are just some things that I feel really strongly about and can't condone... this manga tackles really dark subjects sometimes, and they always get a reaction out of me.

It may take a few chapters for the current situation in the piece to be fully resolved (idk if they'll drag the idea of Kamiki being the "true villain" for so long.. that's going to be so tiring if they do), but I feel like I am on the right track after having thought over just what exactly this piece is trying to convey. ONK has a theme that's been very clear and consistent, and I believe in the writers to send out a message powerful and meaningful. It's made me think about what people go through, and I appreciate it.

Again, wow, really?/// I had that effect on you? Whew, this is so relieving and fulfilling, you're so kind! Thanks for letting me know! They are quite a lovely and powerful ship, aren't they? People will come to see what they are by the series comes to its closure. I know it will happen! There aren't a lot of pieces dedicated to them yet... but when everyone realizes it's THE Fatal and Mephisto ship, they'll see. Hope my works don't get buried when that happens~ ;v;)/

I would love to help you on this, but I was never really good at making playlists.. will you link me yours when you make yours? :)

I'm really sure I know a lot of songs that have their vibe, but I can't finger them right off the bat:

However, I felt the new songs from P3R really suits them in terms of some of its lyrics because it deals with the loss of someone dear and unknowing what to do without them. I've been listening to those a lot along with onk songs, and it's REALLY fitting!

+OH WAIT NEVER MIND. I found a whole BUNCH of songs.

I hope they suit your taste 'v')/

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It feels like my heart is suffocating

How do you make amends when you're gone from me?

Even though with a win how come I feel so lost?

Nothing makes sense to me

I'm so numb, so lost without you

Spending days and nights of silence

'cause no words can explain how I feel In my mind and heart

Oh, I don't know what I am but I miss myself 'cause she's not here anymore

How can I move on? Please tell me

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Already lost my keys

To the door wide shut

Only have one wish

Now it's never gonna come true

Trapped in time

Forever in remorse

How could I ever be

In peace when nothing else matters to me?

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Phantasmagoria is a interesting song, there are lyric in the description.. its story involves encountering a ghost of a loved one and dancing together before daylight strikes, wishing to return to the old days when they were alive. It's worth a listen!

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Hydra from MYTH & ROID is such a powerful song.

ACTUALLY, this is the one song I think would be REALLY fitting, it's SO similar to Fatal in terms of what it's saying!

The lyrics for this go:

Even if I lose everything

I still have something to offer

Be it my future or my life itself

My burned-out emotions, my unanswered prayers

My miserable begging, my foolish giving

My strained voice, my dirtied hands

Even my ripped open heart

I have been wishing for nothing but your happiness

Over and over

Even if everything I hold in these hands is lost

As long as there is still time

I will keep trying over and over again

I don't care if it's meaningless and futile

Even if the days I've spent would end in misery

If my wishes change to curses

Even if it was all in vain, I don't mind

Only you remain in my eyes

At the end of this dark road

It seems as though any light would eventually die out

If that is what is decided by fate

Rather than living by holding onto hope

I sacrifice my all for the now

My burned-out emotions, my unanswered prayers

My miserable begging, my foolish giving

Whatever happens, I don't care

I will give my all for you

Nothing would make me happier than

If I could be with you forever

youtube

This song is very interesting too! It has lyrics like:

Please, I’ll do anything, just once, let me turn back time.

I’ll even offer up one, no, two of my fingers.

I can’t bring myself to laugh, ever.

Because even the most natural of my emotions vanished along with you.

Yes, that’s right.

No matter how many years pass, I still live as if I’m dead.

Now, God, break me, break me, please.

I have no idea what happened.

This bone-dry heart of mine, come on

touch it, touch it, please.

Even if a thousand years pass, they won’t heal.

I’ll carry these wounds to the end.

Hey, God, kill me, come on, kill me, please.

It’s all my fault, you see.

Things can never be put back to the way they were,

in the end, just laugh, laugh at me again.

These are some depressing songs, but I feel like those were the type of feelings Hikaru would have felt all along. And the songs involve about wishes to bring someone or to turn back time, so I feel it's very fitting to the situation! If he could do it, he'd definitely bring Ai back. And from what I see, he's disregarding his life a whole lot...

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How about "Mugen Nostalgia?" I'm just adding this on because this cover sounds so good! But now that I examine the lyrics, it works!!

Until when will I walk by myself?

It spins round and round, then it slips past by.

Until where will you let me feel lonely?

Are you giggling? Where are you?

I want to see you again.

Is it too rushed to go now? But it's always like this, isn't it?

"Can I see you again?"

Don’t laugh at me with such a blank face, like a scarecrow at the sunset.

I’m still chasing what I've been looking for.

So I will never stop my footsteps until I finally find that.

There’s no need for such thing as promises.

I'll come for you, so don't worry, it's my classic memory.

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Saying “since you’re so lovely I can’t stand it,”

I held tightly to laziness’ hand, feeling completely tamed while it looked my way and laughed laughed so many times, saying, “that’s how it is”while looking at me with distant, pitying eyes

Grieving these horrible times—yes, over and over I’ve suffered

Since salvation without an aim can never reach

There’s nothing left, no, nothing left now

Let’s put an end to it with words

“Ah, I’m satisfied with this” I chanted that over and over

A utopia which slips through my fingers and vanishes

It’s surely, yes, surely a bit too late to return to that time, it seems

youtube

I can't get my mind off you

I'm such an idiot

Same as usual

You made me feel so better

It brings back memories

It's things about you

My hands can't take back that the time I passed with you

Some doubts broke me down, broke me down

If you are still alive, I wanted to say it's not your fault

But it's too late for us

Maybe I'm afraid I'm not as tender guy as you think

Looking your eyes, and I say "love you" with fake smile

I don't know what to do

Please tell me what should I do

Just feel so sad inside, but I kiss you

Kiss you...

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To end this on a positive note, Lamp from Cö shu Nie seems really fitting to how Ai would feel towards Hikaru, I've been there when TPN was reaching its closure and I'm having so many flashbacks about them seeing how things are playing out in ONK. Emma really wanted to save Norman who was keeping up a strong front and chose to take a path of death for everyone's sake and she was able to bring him back in the end with.. a really huge cost... This song reflects how much she cares for him. She brought him back into the light, and I feel like this is what Ai is going to do for Hikaru too.. it's such a warm song.

It's been confirmed by the creator that it is about how Emma felt about Norman.

Quasi love, quasi love, quasi love. I want to be connected

What you thought was a waste and you removed(your life)

Is irreplaceable to me

Don't stay quiet with such a sad face

Kick it up

Get so dirty that you look pathetic

Do we still have some time left?

You can go beyond

It's warm because we are together

Stand up again and again

I want to protect you forever

Repaint this little world

Keep shining, this road I chose

If you are afraid, it's gonna be okay.

The QUASI-LOVE though. That gets me because. Ai. was so unsure about love even while what she had was so genuine.

hope you enjoy these songs~ I wish I could bring some songs from mainstream pop culture too, o<-< but I think there are some things that anime...ish songs can fill. I mean, I feel they're REALLY fitting.. don't you think? and they're all good songs!! I promise they're all worth giving a listen to!

I'm so glad you found love towards this ship the way I do! ;v;)/ Thanks for reaching out to me to tell me how you feel!! See you around, I look forward to sharing more things with you, and everyone!

#oshi no ko #oshi no ko spoilers #hikaai #asknreply #arrangement #long post #spoilers #aethersleftearring

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studentinpursuitofclouds · 10 months

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Yay! Your askbox is open again! ♥️ Hi there, Mousy! How are ya? 👋🏻 Here's a virtual cookie 🍪✨️

I was wondering if you have any thoughts about Isaac as a boyfriend/husband to the Farmer or Alesia as a girlfriend/wife to the Farmer. Maybe them as parents too, because I'm in a very wholesome mood lately! And I might gain inspiration to draw them, again, like I used to! :D Who knows? Hehe... Anyways, take ur time if you're answering this.

Thank you very much if you answered this! Have a good day! (*´▽｀)v✨️

I can't go anon for some reason, but I'm way too excited to wait |_•) I don't think I can calm down from my wholesomeness thoughts.

Hey hey Nim! 👋 Feeling good, thank you ☺️

Oh my gosh, thank you so much for the cookie! *eating the cookie* Mmmm, my favorite ❤️

I apologize for the inconvenience with the ability to ask a question as anon. Turns out I didn't turn that option on, I thought it was on by default 😅 so it's not your fault.

Here some random headcanons with Alesia and Isaac as partner/spouse/parent. Have a good day too! 🫰

Alesia:

Alesia is still responsible for the defense of Castle Village, so even though she lives in the Valley, she keeps in touch with her coworkers.

Not an ardent PDA fan, at most Alesia can be expected to kiss on the cheek in public. When she and Farmer are alone, she will show her tenderness: hugs, kisses, and maybe something else 👀

Loves to give and receive practical things to help in adventures: daggers, amulets, elixirs, artifacts. Also has a collection of rare daggers, so if the Farmer has a nice dagger lying around, found in adventures, it would make a great gift for Alesia.

A loving and moderately strict mother. Will always listen to her children, help them and protect them to the last, but will not spoil them much.

Can be a bit of a overprotective wife and mom, so let Farmer not be surprised that Alesia can break a stranger's nose because he said something bad about Farmer or their children. As it is, she's pretty peaceful.

Even if her and Farmer's kids don't want to become adventurers, the sniper still thinks that giving them a couple of self-defense lessons wouldn't hurt.

In the spouse area, she will set up a stand with her bows and a target, practicing archery in her spare time.

She will find common ground with the residents of Pelican Town very quickly. Her first friends are Robin and Leah.

Every Sunday she goes to Pierre's store to pray at Yoba's altar. Later Andy became her friend after constant meetings.

Her trust is very easy to lose, so Farmer should not deceive her. Never. For their own good.

Even if they are thinking of ending the relationship, let them say it straight, and they will separate like adults. Alesia will not tolerate deceit, and Farmer will regret it bitterly if they decide to cheat her.

Isaac:

With a partner like Isaac, Farmers get the scary dog privileges, whether they realize it or not.

Don't count on PDA, Isaac still can't get used to the idea of having a date. So it can be a bit much for him.

Even when Isaac is alone with Farmer, he may seem cold and closed off. But he's not the heartless, and willing to go down to hell for Farmer.

Farmer is honored to see Isaac's sword collection.

Sometimes Isaac needs time alone, and he's glad when Farmer understands him half-heartedly and gives him some space.

Without noticing it himself, Isaac began to flex in front of his beloved. A friendly fight with another adventurer was an opportunity for Isaac to show off all his skills as a fighter to Farmer.

Can be a rather jealous boyfriend (especially if Lance is hanging around somewhere). Even after marrying Farmer, may not stop being jealous. Apparently, the idea that he's not good enough for Farmer still haunts him.

Not the most affectionate spouse, but he tries hard, is pretty careful and gentle partner.

Only Farmer can catch the rarest phenomenon in the world, a smiling Isaac.

Strangely enough, he was the first to talk about children, and he has taken to preparing for the arrival of a new member of the family with all responsibility. A very gentle and careful father.

#sve #stardew valley expanded #stardew valley #sdv mods #sve alesia #sve isaac #thanks for the ask!

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sushisocks · 1 year

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hi i just finished rdr2, really love your stuff (FINALLY a blog that properly info dumps!! keep them coming please!!). i don't know if this is your thing, but the song I Gave You All by Mumford & Sons makes me think of arthur so much because each lyric corresponds so perfectly to his ending. obviously it's in the song title (arthur's "i gave you all i had"), but the lines "how can you say that your truth is better than ours?" and "you rip out all i had just to say that you've have won" makes me wonder what arthur's last thoughts really were?? the song has a very bitter tone, which is opposite of the game, but i can't actually tell what arthur's last words are supposed to mean, especially with him repeating "i tried...i did." were the "i dids" meant to be a plead for mercy (to remind dutch of his lifelong loyalty in hopes that he's spared from a violent death) or was it meant to be sympathetic (to indicate that they were both doomed men who were only trying their best)? or was it an apology, like "i did all i could, but it wasn't enough"? knowing his level of self esteem/guilt i think arthur would feel a very heavy obligation and responsibility, so it makes sense for him to say "i did all i could, but it still wasn't enough because i was not good enough," but he seemed to be very accepting of his death. sorry if this was rambly/late to the party, i would love to hear your thoughts about it!!!

Oh, Anon, this is the sort of thing I LOVE seeing in my askbox, I am kissing you on the lips rn for giving me the permission to talk about this so lets TALK about it!! (Sorry it took me a minute to get to it, I had to rotate ur questions in my mind for a bit so I could best formulate my thoughts, you know how it is)

First off, I Gave You All by Mumford & Sons is SUCH a good RDR2/Arthur song, I agree hugely on this, and it makes a LOT of sense for the ending notes, especially on a High Honor/Save John run. I've been listening to it on repeat since I saw ur ask, all while typing this up, and I got a lil emotional at times man. I love music recs and while I know some Mumford & Sons songs this was a recontextualization I very much needed in my life thank u <3

The rest of this is LONG so putting in a read more to save my mutuals lol

Okay, so, I now have a LOT of thoughts about what's going through Arthur's mind and what he might've meant at the end of his last mission, so lets get into it. To begin with I want to list out the lines that are said in this scene, so we're all on the same page. (Helpfully and lovingly pulled from the gamescripts wiki blog, which my life has revolved around for the past year and a half)

Dutch van der Linde: It is over now… Arthur. It’s over. Arthur Morgan: Oh, Dutch… he’s a rat. You know it and I know it. Micah Bell: He’s sick… he’s dying… he’s talking crazy. Pinkerton: There! Up there on the ridge! Arthur Morgan: (to Dutch) I gave you all I had… I did. Dutch van der Linde: I… Micah Bell: Come on. Dutch… let’s go, buddy. We made it. We won. Come on. Arthur Morgan: John made it. He’s the only one. Rest of us… no. But… I tried. In the end… I did. Micah Bell: (to Dutch) Come on… let's go. We can make it. Come on, Dutch… come on!

So WHAT is going on here? Surface level, this is the last appeal to Dutch. The last battle of wills between Micah and Arthur, where Arthur is STILL trying to make Dutch see sense. I think it's an important part of Arthur's character to understand that he believes, until the very bitter end, that there's a chance for him to reach through to Dutch. It's the main reason he heads back to camp, after saving Abigail. Milton has told him Micah is the rat, and Arthur believes that if he can just get back to camp and tell Dutch the truth, that will be it. He, erroneously, believes his word alone will be enough.

But the thing is, in my opinion, in a way Arthur is RIGHT! He DOES reach through to Dutch, but he has to die for it. That is what the "I gave you all I had" line is for.

It is Dutch, unsure who to believe. It is Micah, screaming for Dutch to listen to him. And it is Arthur, gently reminding Dutch: I devoted my entire life to you, all that I know has been with you, all that I am has come from you.

Arthur would have gone to the ends of the Earth for Dutch -- he would be grumbling and complaining the entire time, but he'd still do it if Dutch asked. He is, in this moment, telling Dutch, I gave you all I had and you took it, there is nothing left but my death, what reason do I have to lie?

It is the crack in the wall, a small moment of clarity for Dutch, which has him leave them both on that cliff, which has him turn up again 8 years later and kill Micah. Not enough to turn on Micah right away, but enough to truly have Dutch stop and reconsider. Because with those words Arthur is not only speaking on his own behalf, whether or not he knows it. He is reminding Dutch of everyone else who has died for him; Grimshaw, Molly, and Hosea, as the most notable ones, I think. Arthur slots neatly in with those three as people who truly devoted their everything to Dutch, gave him all they had, of life and time and energy, and were served nothing but death, destruction, and heartache in return.

It stuns Dutch; for once he is truly speechless, having to reckon with Arthur's words and what they mean, what they imply. Micah knows Arthur's words are more impactful, and keeps trying to sway him to his side, for ends we can only really guess at. But we already know there's no chance Dutch will go with Micah at this point. But he also wont stay with Arthur.

Then: "John made it. He’s the only one. Rest of us… no. But… I tried. In the end… I did."

One of Arthur's main objectives in Chapter 6 is saving as many people of the gang as possible. The Pinkertons are closing in and, while Arthur believes that it's just bad luck until Milton tells him otherwise, he still hopes for the best outcome possible, for the women and children, as he says.

Which is why he says John made it. Because to Arthur, John's making it, means the women and children making it. It means Abigail, Tilly, Sadie, and Jack, all waiting at Copperhead Landing, are not waiting in vain. It is the reassurance that they will be fine, and the idea that John might finally actually step up and be the father Arthur has so desperately wanted him to be for Jack. To Arthur, John making it is the best outcome.

But he still wanted to save as many people as possible. Dutch, Javier, and Bill included. They were still Arthur's friends and family. They still mattered to him. But I think Arthur realizes, dying upon that cliff, that there's no way out for them anymore. They'll get off this mountain and continue their way of living, and the government will keep hunting them. He is essentially saying the rest of them are just as doomed as Arthur is, even if Arthur is the one currently dying. And he tried.

I want to say that Arthur saying he tried, is both about saving the gang, and about being better. There are SO many interactions you can have in chapter 6 alone that's about being better than you were. Edith Downes, Sister Calderòn, Charles, Rains Fall, and Mary-Beth are just SOME that I can think of, at the top of my head. I think in this moment, Arthur is reaffirming to himself that at the very least he tried. He did everything he could, in the time that he had. He doesn't know if that's enough, or if it means more than what it is, but he tried, and that, to him, HAS to mean something.

It is him accepting that this is the end, and that he doesn't know!! He genuinely doesn't!! If he has done enough to actually change the course of events!! But God do I love the message of Arthur finding peace in having tried. In having done what he could, and seeing what changes he could, and knowing in that last breath, watching that rising sun, that he did make a difference.

Do I think Arthur is angry or bitter when he passes? Not in a High Honor/Save John run, no. I think he is disappointed and sad with Dutch. But I also think he has found a place within himself where he can accept that this is it, for him. And he is hopeful for those whom he has saved, who got out of there and live to see another day.

He gave his all, and he really really tried, and he finds peace in the end. How simultaneously heartbreaking and heartening isn't that?

#mannn now im emotional #i hope this all made sense HAHAH jesus #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #arthur morgan #dutch van der linde #micah bell #rdr2 meta #rdr thoughts #teki talks #bitches be ranting (im bitches)#i LOVED this though my askbox is ALWAYS open for stuff like this #and ALSO music recs if u have songs or playlists for rdr2 or ships or characters pleaseeeeee i love music give me that shit NOW #asks #rdr asks #meta asks

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1tarot1with1k1o · 1 year

Note

hi! here for ur game :) i choose kim namjoon

i feel you’d get along with with momo from twice, sunny from girls generation, and seulgi from red velvet

Helloo~ and welcome to the game!

Ooh, interesting choices! I’ve never thought about being friends with those idols, but I’d definitely be curious to see how it would go. They’re all nice and very charming people, so thank you for choosing them for me! Mark is SUCH a sweet guy, and he has the softest hands haha, so I’m happy to remind you of him. I’ve never been that called to get to know Wendy in depth, but she seems chill, so I appreciate it! Taemin…what an honor lol!! He’s THE kpop idol™️, so it’s such a compliment for me to remind you of him!

I think that namjoon would find you…interesting? You might be someone who is very different from the people he is used to meeting or hanging around with, and I feel like his smart self will really want to get to know you in order to sort of “study” you? Not in a weird way, but he simply would like to know more because he finds you very “layered”. He would love to listen to you talk about your hobbies and views. He would like to know how you form your thoughts, and the kind of experiences you faced during your life. The things you say might even inspire him to write songs, or to look at certain things in a different way. You two would be like those people who look extremely different but that actually get along well, and that deep inside are more similar than one may think. I see that your friendship would stay superficial (as in, I don’t see you becoming very close friends. Just people who occasionally meet in the same place, and have a talk), but you’ll definitely have a positive effect on each other even just by being acquainted! You could learn many things from each other <3

Jungkook would also find you an interesting person to hang out with. I saw him smiling at you while you’re talking with a group of people. He may find your mannerism and your mind peculiar. Not necessarily because you act strangely, but like for Joon, you may have a personality that he’s not used to. I heard language barrier, so he may be too shy to actually talk to you. Probably because you would have to communicate in English, and as good as he is, he will feel too intimidated to actually talk a lot in a foreign language. He may even be worried about accidentally saying something wrong during the conversation. Ironically, I saw him talking more if Namjoon is around, since he would be less scared about making mistakes. Joon may not even have to ever correct him or to interfere in the conversation, but it still would make Jungkook feel more comfortable to have him nearby in case he needs some extra support. You would laugh and enjoy your time together! He would find it fun to be around you. You might end up having friends in common, although I don’t see you two actually interacting more than just a few times. You’d mostly be the kind of person you greet and then move away from, in order to meet your friends. I don’t wanna say a professional relationship but that’s the kind of vibe I get tbh. In a positive way of course! It’s not like he would have to force himself to talk to you. Not at all! You two may just have different walks of life that wouldn’t give you much to talk about with one another.

Overall, you would have positive interactions with both of them, but they would likely not lead to developing a close friendship with neither. You might interact more with Namjoon than with Jungkook. Mostly because the conversation would flow more easily between you two. Not just for the language, but even for the fact that your personalities or personal views may be a better match.

Thank you for participating! I hope you enjoyed the readings ^~^

#klo #tarotcoconut #tarot community #free readings #spirituality #intuitive game #closed game #kpop readings

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aturnipsingularity · 10 months

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Turnip, what's YOUR album of the year if you had to pick one? Pitch it to me, infect me with ur music taste

Okay, so I can't pick just one, so I'll throw a handful of my faves that I discovered this year into the ring. The most recent would be Eternal Blue by Spiritbox. Underrated alt/prog metal band, and I haven't heard a whole lot of others talking about them. I really like the way the first couple of tracks blend together, and the lead vocalist has an amazing voice. She has this really melodic singing that meshes well with her death growl. I also really like that there's a good mix of slower songs with the harder music. There's a lot of good variety, and the pacing is really nice.

Favorite song: Silk In The Strings

I also finally listened to The Death of Peace of Mind by Bad Omens this year. I had heard a couple of their singles before, but I hadn't checked out the full work until recently. I was really glad I did, because it's amazing. Lots of bangers in there, 10/10 would recommend. I really enjoy metal/post-hardcore in general, but the synths and electronics give the music a really nice boost to the energy (see one of my fave albums of all time -- Trauma by I Prevail). It makes it really punchy, and I love that!

Favorite song: ARTIFICIAL SUICIDE or bad decisions

I also want to recommend Take Me Back to Eden by Sleep Token, because I was very hyped for it to come out this year. However, I was let down a little bit and do have a few reservations about the album in general. I think it's great. The vibe of it is really ethereal, and I appreciate the fluidity of the songs in terms of tone and sound. But, it suffers from a lack of variety in tempo. A lot of the songs are slower, and the sequencing itself doesn't lend any room for picking up the energy it loses after the first 5 songs. I also hate the songs Are You Really Okay? and DYWTYLM. They don't feel like they belong. At all. They feel like filler/billboard top 100 and less of this otherworldy, almost ghostly sound they're trying to go for. It also took me a few listens to come around to Ascensionism and The Apparition, but I do really appreciate those songs, and I really quite like them now. It's a really good album that took a few misteps. The Summoning is so good, though. There's a reason it's their most popular song. If you're going to listen to it, I would recommend listening in the following order, because it's the best one I've found for right now. Although it's also not perfect by far, and you can hear the tonal shift after the first three songs, I think it feels a bit more balanced. I can't say I'm quite satisfied with it, but it's still a lot better imo

Drop Are You Really Okay? and DYWTYLM. Don't put them in the playlist.

1. Chokehold

2. Vore

3. The Summoning

4. Aqua Regia

5. Ascensionism

6. The Apparition

7. Granite

8. Rain

9. Euclid

10. Take Me Back to Eden

Favorite song: Euclid or Chokehold

And a small honorable mention to these albums that I finally got to listen to, but don't have enough thoughts on (yet) to rant about:

So Much (For) Stardust by Fall Out Boy

Rain City Drive by Rain City Drive

The Click (Deluxe Edition) by AJR (don't judge me I really like them)

Opal (original soundtrack) by Jack Stauber

Frontiers by Journey

Empire by Queensrÿche

4 by Foreigner

I really should have listened to the older albums sooner, but I just never got around to it -- even though I know multiple songs from each one.

I'll eventually talk about all of the other entries on this list, as well as my all-time favorites (not listed) and the other couple of recents I have yet to finish. Mostly just because I like talking about music lmao but today is not that day. Also you have to tell me about your music taste now!

#singulariturnip #turnip talks #<- new reply tag #asks #anurarana

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kritischetheologie · 2 years

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can we get a directors cut of whichever bit ur most proud of?

June 2014, Germany (spoilers below the cut)

[I was extremely proud of this scene, because I think it sets up some absolutely cruel dramatic irony, as well as a lot of the big philosophical questions of the fic, and did most of it in dialogue, which I really struggle with.]

In honor of the World Cup, he and Sebastian have gotten dressed up in their matching Mannschaft kits, Vettel 1 and Rosberg 6, and painted their faces schwarz-rot-gold, so that they can be filmed competing in a series of inane football-themed competitions. [The event in question actually happened and is my absolute favorite unhinged Nico and Seb video.]

Nico has never liked football as much as Vettel does, and he’s barely even German, but he’s always been more comfortable than him in front of a camera, so their little cross-promotional propaganda competition evens out in the end. [I didn't get into Nico's anxieties about his heritage as much as I might have expected to in this fic, because there was so much else that I was doing, but this internal narration is key Silver War Nico: keeping score at everything, cataloguing everyone's weaknesses, especially his own.] The alpha is so nervous Nico can smell it. [When I wrote this fic in my Three Google Docs, I wasn't sure which scenes would end up in which order, so I made sure to mention that Seb was an alpha the first time we introduced him in each of them.]

The most fun part comes when the interviewer starts asking them about how their respective seasons are going. The season is going a hell of a lot better for Nico than it is for Sebastian, that’s for sure. [Nico "if I am winning at f1 everything is ok" Rosberg.]

Even if Seb does look like he’s never been happier, while he’s describing the sleepless exhaustion of new parenthood. [A thing that actually happens in the real video, and also a way of introducing the dilemma at the core of this scene, which is, of course, the central dilemma of the fic as well.]

Over the catered lunch—schnitzel, like it isn’t the middle of summer and they aren’t both on strict diets [Nico's relationship to food is another thing that I didn't end up digging into deeply, but wanted to gesture towards here]—Seb looks around to make sure no one is listening, before leaning in and saying, “It seems like you made the right choice, or? In the offseason, I mean.” [I love this whole dialogue. I'm usually really bad at capturing voice, but I love the little "or" (very german), and I love the hills like white elephants let's talk about abortion without saying the word abortion of it all, and of course, I love the extremely tragic dramatic irony that Seb thinks they're talking about abortion but they actually aren't. Anywhere this is what kicks it off, which establishes that there's a Serious Conversation happening (Seb making sure they're in private), that Something Happened in the 2013/2014 offseason, and that Seb knows about it. All absolutely crucial information for the reader to have]

Nico forces himself to chew the food in his mouth and swallow it. [Nico is extremely uncomfortable.] “It wasn’t much of a choice,” he says evenly. [It was very important to me that Nico not actually lie to Seb. Firstly, because I think it's harder to get the reader to come along with a twist if the narrator himself lied, even if he only lied to a character. But secondly, because I think explicitly lying would require Nico to think about what Actually Happened. If he says it was an abortion, he has to grapple with the fact that it wasn't. If he just sort of plays along vaguely, he can stay in that numb zone of well whatever happened it was all for the best so it might as well have been an abortion because I'm in the lead for the title so... I also think this line, and Seb's response, is one of the most tragic in the whole thing. Because Nico did choose, and he did have that choice taken away from him, and he's not ready to grieve that, but he can't pretend this was what he wanted.]

Seb nods eagerly. “I’m really glad you feel that way,” he says. “I know everybody makes it out to be this sort of huge decision—and I don’t mean to minimize the fact that it is, for so many people, but—but I’m glad you have that certainty, that you did the right thing. And hey,” he adds, laughing the way he always does before he makes a self-deprecating joke, “you’d have hated to miss this season, right?” [wooof. And here we twist the knife. Seb is trying so hard to be supportive-- and the more awkward the moment becomes the more supportive he gets, piling on words as it becomes clear that this is not going well, for whatever reason. I tried to make his awkwardness and discomfort clear to the reader, even if not to Nico. I also went back and forth with my betas about if it was clear enough to the reader, here, that Seb is talking about abortion. I almost changed it to say "I know everybody makes abortion out," but I decided in the end that the is-this-conversation-about-what-I-think-it's-about? vibe ultimately helps sell the twist; I the author ALSO never lie and say Nico had an abortion. I don't even have any of the characters say it. and in universe, they're alone, but not alone enough to actually say the word out loud, you know? But anyway let's talk about the tragic gap between something not being a choice because it's so clearly the right decision (how Seb sees it) and literally not being a choice.]

Nico draws his lips into a smile. “You’d still be losing,” he tells Sebastian, who cackles. [The patented 1-2 punch of the fake smile and the jab about how much better he's doing, a Silver War Special.]

“Yeah, but you wouldn’t be winning,” he says, elbowing Nico in the ribs. “And someone’s got to make Germany proud.”

The schnitzel sits heavy in his stomach. “I’m trying my best,” he says. He doesn’t want to be having this conversation anymore. [As close as this Nico can get to acknowledging that he's having an extremely strong emotional reaction.] “Speaking of pride,” he says, keeping his tone casual, [which takes a concerted effort, because he's dying inside and about to be cruel on purpose, but wants to pretend that he isn't and he isn't.] “I imagine Mark’s got to be proud that his little baby teammate is all grown up and a father now.” [This ends up being the first time the reader hears about Seb and Mark, and I like the way it sets up the fundamental tension in their relationship: Seb's family vs his relationship with Mark. It's also an instance of Nico not being willing to admit that he's jealous that Seb has a kid, but not so coincidentally aiming for the one thing that would make having a kid a problem for Seb. There's a subconscious "fuck you, you get what I wanted, but look what it cost you" that Nico himself is too bitter and jealous to pick up on, as evidenced by his narration in a bit about how Seb doesn't have to sacrifice anything.]

Seb’s eyes go wide in his face.

“Or maybe not,” Nico continues. [He knows he's got him.] “Have you spoken to him much since he retired? Or since your kid was born?”

Sebastian squirms in his chair. “We talk,” he says.

Nico knows a cagey half-answer when he hears one. [This Nico is the king of cagey half-answers. See how many he just gave Seb, about the pregnancy.] “You never talked,” he says. Seb blushes below his face paint. [And this is the moment the reader learns that they were fucking. It also establishes a very particular dynamic of what Young Martian were to each other, a primarily passionate combative erotic thing, that they have outgrown by the time we check back in with them in 2020. They have personal growth too, it just happens mostly offscreen.] “Sorry,” Nico says without meaning it at all. [Nico gets a lot more willing to acknowledge his nasty emotions when those nasty emotions are anger than when they're grief.] “I’ll leave you alone. It’s none of my business how you reconcile work and family, or which one Mark is, to you.” [Again: even when he's trying to be mean, Nico is hung up on what feels like, to him, a fundamental conflict. Part of why I love this scene so much is that it really establishes the way Seb and Nico are narrative foils, living out two very different versions of some of the same tough questions, to an extent that they themselves don't even realize in this moment.]

He takes a sip of his Radler and watches Sebastian rearrange his mouth.

“You know as well as I do that the sacrifices this career demands of us aren’t always pretty,” Seb finally says. [Seb is pretty unhappy here: he's been supporting Nico about his abortion, and this is what Nico comes back with? Sebastian is a little more cued in than Nico is to the fact that they are narrative foils. This is a bit of a platonic hand in unloveable hand moment, like come on dude, we're all trying our best here right?]

His tone is friendly, conspiratorial. Nico could strangle him. [Nico! doesn't! want! to talk! about the pregnancy! and Seb!!! KEEPS!!!!! BRINGING!!!!!!!! IT!!!!!!!! UP!!!!!!!!!!!! -nico's nervous system, probably. Again with the substitution of anger for grief.] Four trophies in the cabinet, a beautiful wife at home with the baby, and an alpha pining for him in Australia. Seb’s never had to sacrifice anything. [A lot of Seb and Nico's later narrative arc is Nico's slow realization how wrong this assessment is, but it makes sense in this moment, where Nico is so fixated on the myriad ways he feels in thrall to his own biology-- he would have had to take at least a year off racing to have the baby, but then his body didn't even let him make that sacrifice, and now his relationship is falling apart, and he's racing well but he's never won and Seb's won four times and etc. etc.-- that he feels like Seb has discovered a cheat code to life that allows him to get every single thing Nico wants, all of the things that seem both mutually exclusive and individually unattainable. Seb gets to have it all and Nico gets none of it. Anyway the thesis of this fic is that nobody gets to have it all but everybody gets to be happy.]

“Such is the price of success,” Nico says, his voice level, before letting Sebastian change the topic back to football.

#director's commentary #urbp spoilers #untitled redacted brocedes project #thank you for this prompt anon!!!!

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wackus-bonkus-maximus · 2 years

Note

WACKUS. I know this is a little late but oh wait

ML EMOTION SPOILERS BELOW

Okay

So I know this is a little late but I saw you saw emotion and I saw feligami in emotion and now I am ALSO ALL EMOTION

You don’t even know like I am a person who has this like— idk, let’s just call it a weird kink okay, I just have this thing for when in a ship, Person A’s ex is similar to Person B.

i know it’s weird!! I swear I know!! 😂

But like I just really like it when it’s framed like, oh person A was attracted to their ex because they were like Person B. So it’s like, even before they met Person B their soul always longed for them and they were attracted to people similar to them.

And it’s not like I want this for ships who are each other’s first love, like I don’t say oh if only one of them had an ex just like their partner it would be better, no! It’s just that if one or both of them already have an ex, I like it when the ex is similar to their current partner— I give up it’s still weird no matter how much I explain it lol

You can see why I ship feligami tho lol like even tho Adrien and Felix are VERY different in many ways, I like the thought of them being different senti sides of the same coin, like Kagami’s being attracted to one senti twin when her true soulmate is really the other. Listen I know I’m weird shhhh

But then like IN EMOTION when Kagami thinks she’s talking to Adrien and says to Felix ‘lately you’ve become more how I wished you’d be, more assertive and brave’

Listen okay- I— ‘screamed’ is a word which does not do justice to the noise which ripped out of my throat. My head went blank.

Now obviously Adrien is a lot more emotionally mature than Felix, a lot more caring and compassionate and overall Good, yes yes I know.

But.

I like to think that Kagami’s ideal is actually post-character-development Felix okay. All the assertiveness and bravery, with some well-earned morality. Let me dream.

I’m sorry also for assaulting you with this weird kink ramble but you’re like the founding mother of feligami so it just seemed right 🤣

Also ur odnlb got me into it in the first place so really this is all your fault take responsibility

what a fantastic ask 😂 emotion is probably one of my all time favorite mlb episodes now! i'm glad it was as impactful for you as it was for me hehe 🪶

also, i see where you're coming from. the problem with adrigami's relationship was that she wanted him to be a certain way. but with felix, she liked him as he was from the start. i was screaming a little too on the inside, believe me.

as the founding mother of feligami, i'm beyond honored you came to share the hype with me. it is my fault, i take the blame. whether or not feligami actually happens now, i'm going to be thinking about your dated-the-wrong-version-first kink and screaming about every feligami crumb that comes our way 🐉🦚🐉🦚🐉🦚

#miraculous ladybug spoilers #miraculous season 5 #miraculous season 5 spoilers #ml leaks #ml s5 #ml s5 spoilers #ml spoiler #ml spoilers #miraculous spoilers #miraculous s5 #emotion spoilers #ml emotion #felix graham de vanily #kagami tsurugi #feligami #odnlb #one does not love breathing

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dreamwritesimagines · 1 year

Note

It’s CMA-

I’m taking notes as always:) also my brain is still fried and I’m waiting for the meds to kick in, so if anything doesn’t make sense, that’s why and not because I’m a mess of a human being who doesn’t proofread

Okay him knowing what her family likes because he pays attention when she’s mentions things… going back to the Aphrodite thing, honestly might just spite her here and now if this is where it leads😂😂😂 (dream ur a bad influence /j)

Motherfucker dream I was not expecting that sentence at all. Holy fuck clover have you no subtlety? Jesus I almost spit out my drink, my god. Every time I think I won’t be surprised by her anymore, she does something like this. Holy fuck.

Have I properly conveyed my shock? Because I don’t think there’s enough swears in the world for me to express it. I knew she said she had a plan but holy fuck???? (also this is way tmi and you don’t have to answer but does she think she needs a partner??)

SCREAMING THAT WENT FROM SO FUNNY TO SO TRAGIC SO FAST. I’m not saying anyone did anything wrong (except maybe clover for approaching it the way she did) and everyone’s reactions were totally understandable and I applaud Ben for being honorable enough to say no, but this is so sad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I know we talked about this in headcanons and theories but to actually see it in the story is breaking my heart)

Wait okay I just thought of something not totally related but if cherie and clover ever did meet, cherie would love clover but clover would hate her I feel like. Because cherie would think that clover is a genius who is the only person capable of seeing these love matches/attraction besides her, and clover would hate Cherie’s over enthusiastic approach to life and love.

Eventually I think that clover would grow to tolerate and then be protective like she is with Lottie, but whereas Lottie is more a more general sunshine-type, cherie is a very specific and much stronger brand of loving love and everything and this might turn clover off.

Idk just some thoughts lol back to the story:

I’m loving this lothany sneak peek btw.

The way that she walks away and bulldozes over him and refuses to listen is really interesting. Especially when you compare it to Lottie who when pressed and didn’t want to talk about her love life, clearly articulated why she didn’t want to talk about it and gently redirected the conversation without making clover feel bad or making things awkward.

It really shows the difference in emotional intelligence between the two of them in an interesting way. The way that Lottie talked made me think that she knows of her feelings for Anthony, she just thinks it’s hopeless. It’s a fascinating parallel: Lottie who knows she’s in love but isn’t in a relationship, and clover who doesn’t know she’s in love but is in a relationship.

They’re really opposites in every way, and it’s so interesting to see how their journeys are basically inverses of one another in every way. Loving parents vs abusive one’s, growing up well off vs poor, growing up in the city vs country, having lots of friends vs none at all… the lists go on and on beyond just the grumpy/sunshine pairing.

Idk that just occurred to be how interesting that is.

It’s also interesting how much we see clover’s thought patterns here. The denial, the pessimism, the black and white thinking. The way that she thinks that she can read everyone’s minds but she can’t at all.

Also eek! Another love confession! Ugh every single one makes me so happy, and I’m glad we’re getting more than one for this story. It’s good for clover because it helps her understand that her view of the world is skewed, reassures her doubts, and it’s just really cute overall.

Not going to lie, even though it’s fictional, being able to relate to clover and see her get the love and kindness that I wish I got is so cathartic. Love that for her, and i love this series and your writing for that.

Ugh at least one of them is emotionally intelligent/aware. In enamored they were both emotionally stunted and that was such a roller coaster lolololol.

Augh Ben might be my favorite character you’ve written for tbh. Genuinely, genuinely love this story so freaking much.

Man this chapter had so many twists. First the laugh about clover’s bluntness to the angst of the “rejection” to the fluff of lothany to the angst of the dinner and clover’s inner thoughts/self loathing to the most amazing fluff of a confession, wow.

Also the way that clover was begging ‘don’t make me say it/don’t ask me that’ and the way that that phrase says so much about her. It happens each time right before he confesses and yet he continue to do it anyway. It’s an interesting parallel that they’ve got going on; I’m interested to see if it continues.

Also how it pains her to say it, showing that she really does care and doesn’t want to hurt him, but is still trying to do what she thinks is best for him/the situation, even though it’s only for her benefit.

Idk a lot of thoughts this week. Anyway…

Thanks for reading and that’s it for this week on CMA becomes a rambling mess whenever Dream releases a new chapter. Tune in next week for more overly specific and random rambling (and probably a lot of screaming too) about GoS or whatever else I am/dream is up to.

Omg hi darliiiiing! 🥰❤️

Lolll spiting Aphroditeeee😏 I'm telling you, it could be riskyyy😈

I actually considered putting that scene in the sneak peek but then I realized it would be more shocking/fun if it took you guys by surprise as much as it did Benedict😂

Every time I think I won’t be surprised by her anymore, she does something like this. Holy fuck. Benedict's train of thought there😂

I feel like she thinks she needs a partner yes! 😁

I totally agree, Cherie would love Clover but Clover would hate her first 😂 Cherie can be very headstrong when it comes to love, and she is incredibly stubborn and refuses to believe in anything but love being the best thing in the world😂 But they'd eventually become best friends ❤️

Lothany my babiesssss❤️

Clover definitely has a more direct approach when it comes to...anything really 😂 Charlotte is much softer than she is ❤️

They’re really opposites in every way, and it’s so interesting to see how their journeys are basically inverses of one another in every way This is such a wonderful way to look at it, YES! ❤️ Their love stories AND backgrounds are so paralleled with each other in like complete opposites way and we will see more of it! ❤️

Clover can be very observant when it comes to other people but herself and Benedict? Not at all😂

Oh yeah, Enamored was very dramatic because both Cherie and Anthony are incredibly dramatic😂

It's so fun when a chapter includes both like humor and angst at the same time 😁

THIS! THIIIIIS! ❤️

Clover is not very good at expressing her feelings -not with words anyway- as opposed to Benedict who's really good at expressing his feelings, both with his words and his actions and even his art, that's why he's such a good artist ❤️ So Clover has a lot to learn from him and for her to actually say those words...

It'll be a huge character development on her part ❤️

Thank you so so much for this darling, you're amazing! ❤️❤️❤️

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sonianvmd · 4 years

Text

thh characters with a crush on you

warnings: none, maybe some swearing but otherwise nothing major

oH and mentions of murder and death but this is danganronpa so im going to assume u expected as much

a/n: so we kickin this blog off with a bang, writing for LITERALLY THE ENTIRE TRIGGER HAPPY HAVOC CAST LMFAOAOAOAO (excluding hifumi, yasuhiro, and the two despairs doe bc i’ve already made that clear)

also some character’s sections are shorter than others im sorry i just couldnt think of as many bullet points for them *tiktok cry emoji*

edit: I FORGOT CELSESTE FU K SORRY

spoilers under the cut!!

★ 彡 ★ ミ ★ 彡 ★ ミ ★

makoto naegi

when he realizes he likes you, he doesn’t necessarily panic or anything, but he does get nervous

nervous around you, that is

y’all saw how he was with sayaka

if he says anything that might sound intimate then he’ll immediately rephrase it or reassure he didn’t mean anything by it

he really only does have good intentions but his wording just kinda flops sometimes

he appreciates how you listen to him and value what he says

you don't make him feel dumb or inferior compared to a bunch of ultimates with actual talents

he’ll muster up the courage to tell you eventually

let’s hope his luck comes through 😁

byakuya togami

now when THIS man realizes he likes you, he a bitch nigga bout it 😐

he can't believe he fell for a common plebeian such as you

but it was hard not to

the way you preferred to get to the point

the way you were aware of your situation and didn't sugarcoat how you felt about it, although you certainly were nicer with it than him

he's ruthless

anyways

you knew your priorities and spent no time trying to use your resources

he noticed how much you had in common; in you, he saw himself

and we all know how this mf feels about himself 😐

he’ll be quick to defend you in class trials

he won’t realize he’s doing it but he just subconsciously protects you

but just because he doesn't notice it, don't mean the rest of the class brushes past it as well

yeah they on his ass LMFAOO

kyoko kirigiri

kyoko is very good at keeping her composure so she won’t be very obvious

she’ll probably just hang around you more

she’ll also defend you in class trials, calmly

“oh, it couldn’t have been [name]. i remember seeing them in their dorm around the time the murder took place.”

hifumi probably finna say some dumb shit like “aye what was you doin in their dorm doe” but anyways

she finds you respectable

if you have anything to contribute, she’ll let you take the floor

when she tells you, she’s very composed, but also very indirect LMFAO

she’s not too sure on how to express her interest in you but maybe she’ll go about it like “well, [name], now we’ve made it here, would you like to step back into the world with me?” or somethin else along those lines idk

take her hand

pls

toko fukawa

y’all know her whole “master togami” shtick

yeah so 😁😁😁😁

no but fr, toko ofc still has her borderline stalkerish 🧍🏾‍♀️ tendencies

she’ll often find herself staring at you, either in the library or in the morning meetings everyday at breakfast

but she isn’t as straight forward as she is with byakuya

i actually think she’d be mad shy and non confrontational

the whole thing she kept up with him ? yeah, never again

if you approach her first then she’ll be able to get a few words out but for most of the conversation, she’ll just nervously play with her braids

you’ll most likely put two and two together

unless ur a makoto kinnie bc then you’ll have to wait till someone else puts it in place for u but anyways

if you decide to approach her about it, you’ll kinda be backing her into a corner bc she’s just bad at deflecting things lmao

she’ll eventually confess (begrudgingly but hey i mean its better than nothing)

expect much stuttering and a gesture like giving you a small gift

and not to be that writer that uses japanese terms in english writing but toko seems like a tsundere but not really if that makes sense?? so she’d probably shove it in your hands and if you try to say something then she’ll just try to play it off as not a big deal lol

calls u a baka 😍😍

aoi asahina

i know y’all all see how she is with sakura

yeah.

aoi is the kind of person who’d like to spend time with their crush rather than shy away from them

she values you and your friendship very much

bring her donuts

just trust me bring her donuts

she doesn’t really realize she’s into you like that for a while but believe me, she is, the whole time

and yeah i think she’d be nervous to tell you bc that’s just natural but ultimately she’d be cool about it

uh oh looks like we goin for a swim

sakura ogami

similar to kyoko, she’s very calm

despite her big and bad appearance, she really is a sweet girl

she cares for you and your well-being very much

will indeed go on x games mode for you

the way she tells you is very sincere and well spoken

kith her

naow

im sorry this is like the shortest one i couldn’t think of much for her 😔😔

leon kuwata

flirtatious ass mf

and he’s lightskin

so this just cannot go well

y’all know that bit where it’s like the guy yawns and stretches his arms up and then wraps one around your shoulder

yeah that’s literally him LMFAOO

he’s very confident

he was fairly well known with the ladies at his old school so you know he’s rhockin wit it ‼️

but

you feel.. different than usual ??

those girls were just lil flings n dates bc he was nice enough to accept their confessions and it boosted his ego anyway so it was a win win

but you

he was genuinely interested in you since he had saw you the first time

he didn’t just acknowledge your appearance

he learnt about your personality and your hobbies and what you liked and such, and he really cared and wanted to hear you talk about it all

he felt the need to really make an effort to show you how much he respected and had affections for you

he doesn't tell you in a grand way

probably just asks you out to a movie or somethin

he's chillin

mondo owada

you know

for being the biggest, baddest, most respected biker gang leader

or just for being in a biker gang period

mondo’s a huge softie lol

yeah he gets violent but he’s a sweet guy who cares about and is loyal to his friends

so mfs need to be nice to you

or they gettin whooped

when he decides it’s time to tell you how he feels, he thinks over his words and he’s all confident there’s no way you’d reject him but then he sees you in the halls and goes 🧍🏾 LMFAOOO

he’ll push through but it’s like he’ll walk up to you and look away from you because he refuses eye contact and just go

“so y/n, would you wanna.. tch.. come to a drive-in movie with me or somethin’?... dumbass.”

real smooth mondo i think you got em good job

please tease him LMFAOO it’d be so funny

he’d probably yell but you can tell he’s not mad so you just keep going with it

but once you’re done tormenting him, you do agree to the movie, don’t worry 🙏🏾

also mondo would call his s/o doll

that is all

chihiro fujisaki

my fav dude in a dress <3

chihiro would be quite shy, but that’s just how he is tbh so no surprise there

he’s very kind so he’d check up on you often just to see how you are

he cares about you v much

the way he confesses is one that consists of a red face as he offers you a box of candy or something similar

and he’d feel honored that you reciprocate his feelings

he’d be very scared to tell you his secret but once he does, he’s delighted to hear it doesn’t make any difference to you

he doesn’t know how he got so lucky with you

not only because woooo they like me back but also because you like him despite,, well everything about him LMFAOO

sweet lil boy

i’d feel like he’d talk about you to alter ego a lot

and when u meet the program for the first time, he’s like “oh! you must be [name]! master’s told me all about you :)”

sobbing i miss him

kiyotaka ishimaru

okay here’s the thing

if taka were to like someone

i can’t tell whether he’d be more strict because he doesn’t want them to get in trouble (and also so it would hopefully divert any suspicion that he DOES like you since he treats you the same as everyone else, only more)

or if he’d hold back more because he favors them LMFAOO

so imma write a lil bit for both

in the case that he was even stricter:

he’d prefer to be around you because he believes the best way he can make sure you stay out of trouble is to make sure you don’t get into any in the first place

of course it’s impossible to monitor you every second of every day but he does his best to make sure you’re doing well

if he sees you do anything out of line, he’s shutting that shit down IMMEDIATELY

but in the case he let up:

he’d still lecture you but noticeably less than the other students

if your feet were resting on top of a desk, he’d ask you to move them and then leave you alone rather than yell at you and forcibly move them himself

if you notice his behavior towards you in comparison to the other students do not tease him about it he will go as red as his eyes /hj

either way he’s confessing to you with a polite but exaggerated bow while holding out a well thought out letter with both hands

sayaka maizono

she will tell you

idk why but i feel like she’d be straight up lol

she’d make sure she’s sincere

she is the ultimate pop idol and all so she wants to make sure you know that she really does like you and isn’t playing a sick joke on you or anything

ok bc

while i do think she’d tell you

i’d feel like she’d be a little indirect just to see how you feel

like she’d give you a free ticket to one of her upcoming concerts with a kind smile

and naturally, you're like :o

and of course you come to support her

and seeing you smile at her from the crowd and cheer her on was the encouragement she needed to push her to ask you out

for real this time

she asks if you wanna come to a concert with her and ur like “oh yeah i love ur shows!!” bc ur dumb and then she’s like “no i mean.. for another artist” and eventually it hits you that she’s asking you out and ur like “oH YEAH YEAH SURE THAT SOUNDS GREAT YEAH OK” LMFAOO

———

i really hope that this is good LMFAOO this is my first time writing for dr so 😃👍🏾

fun fact i finished toko’s section first and taka’s last 😁😁

and i’d like to thank @mius-imagination @bloodygir n the rest of the discord for helping me figure some of these characters out *simultaneously whips and nae naes*

bye ive been working on this for like weeks this took forever

———

edit: here’s a deleted section bc i kept blanking for this character 😍

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brainrot-buffet · 3 years

Note

Oooo I love your world-building in ur AU -typically don’t see a whole lot for the Vander crew, so love to see it here :D On a slightly different note would you be willing to do Claggor x reader headcanons? (Preferably a pre-established relationship but it’s up to you) or if ur not comfortable with that maybe a platonic!Vander crew x mom-friend reader?

Yo I'm ALWAYS down to write for anyone in the Vander Crew! It's to make up for the fact we never got to spend more time with them and experience their dynamic :( I wasn't sure if you wanted the headcanons set in the canon universe or in the Modern AU, so please forgive me if you intended for them to be set in Zaun. Ngl Claggor holds a special place in my heart because he acts exactly like a person I once knew :)

Notes: Fluff. PURE fluff.

---

Claggor x GN!Reader Headcanons (Modern!AU)

I'm gonna be honest, Claggor is the best option if you're thinking of dating any of the older kids in the Vander Crew

He is respectful, kind and caring, always looks out for others, keeps a level head, gives the best hugs, our man is the whole package; You are literally THE luckiest person alive

Back when you two were pining for each other, he’d be a little awkward whenever he talks to you but makes sure to be extra helpful whenever it comes to you

He always has your back if you need help with anything, be it studying for exams, carrying equipment for your clubs, looking for your lost phone, etc.; He's notably ready to drop anything else he's doing just to help you

These are two clear signs he’s caught feelings aaawwwwww

To him, it doesn't matter who asks out who first; If it's him making the move, he'd lowkey be nervous and rehearsing what to say for the entire day until he confronts you; He takes a calm, gentle approach and assures you that you're not obligated to reciprocate his feelings

If you're the one that asks him out, he'd be surprised but VERY flattered and blushing nonstop, even stutters a little as a grin spreads across his face; He'd say, "I know I'm not too experienced in some areas, but I will do my best to take care of you" :)

And boy does he honor that commitment

He prefers to keep the relationship lowkey; It's not that he's ashamed of you or anything, it's just that he doesn't want you to feel uncomfortable if any or too much attention is drawn to the two of you

For him, he doesn't see a need to constantly make your relationship known - You know he loves you and he knows you love him, that's all that matters

Definitely the type to put his hand on your lower back to guide you through crowds; You'll always feel protected around him

And when I say “protected” I mean he will not hesitate to throw down if anyone tries to hurt you

Claggor may be a sweet boy who’s in the top 3 of his graduating class and vice-president of the student council, but he knows when it’s time to get someone’s ass beat

Because of this, NO ONE will fuck with either of you

His love languages would be acts of service (giving) and quality time (receiving)

He secretly keeps a list of all your interests and favorite things; This is so he can keep them in mind when planning date nights and gifts for birthdays, anniversaries, etc.

Claggor’s that one person who’ll notice if anything’s bothering you and immediately ask what’s wrong; He’s very observant and will be there as you talk about anything on your mind

He doesn’t care if you’re a nerd, he will listen intently to whatever you want to ramble about, whether it’s about the detailed psychoanalysis of each character in Encanto or outlandish facts that prove dolphins and penguins to be evil menaces of society

Always attends your games, concerts, contests, anything you participate in at school; The sweetest thing is that you rarely had to ask him to come to any of them, you just spot him in the crowd or bump into him afterwards as he warmly congratulates you

Loves giving you forehead kisses so expect a lot of those especially if you’re shorter than him; Like imagine him engulfing you in a warm hug after you won a game or something, his arms lifting you off the floor as he places a gentle kiss on your temple (damn I never felt so SINGLE writing that sentence WHYYYYY)

Cuddle sessions are a regular occurrence; You two often cuddle under blankets on his bed while binge-watching Netflix on his computer

Unfortunately, he and Mylo share a room so Mylo sometimes intrudes the two of you just to get whatever he needs; Claggor always urges him to make it quick

Mylo's lowkey bitter cuz he's the only person in the family who doesn't have a love life; He and Vi regularly tease you and Claggor, saying you both act like a disgusting elderly couple

Ngl your relationship with him would probably last long because he puts so much effort into maintaining it (because he loves you so much)

#arcane #claggor arcane #claggor x reader #arcane league of legends #league of legends #arcane headcanons

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deluluass · 3 years

Text

What bliss, domesticity.

for: @tink2kagome. i’m sorry it took me so long to work on ur pretty setter squad request T^T i’ll probably do like another one in the future!

& @lady-tokugawa-of-mikawa @belpomme @chaichai-the-weeb for being such lovely mutuals <3 <3

Content warnings: rape/noncon; nsfw; yakuza/organized crime; gun mention; a lot of (non-sexual) food references in this one

Jun’ichi Saikawa was obviously the kind of man who liked to laugh. Not unlike most people in their world. The kind who use their entire body when they do, announcing to the entire world with a bellowing “Ha Ha Ha!” how pleased they are with whatever’s going on in front of them.

Which, in all honesty, was pretty admirable, that the old man could still do it considering how bored to tears Wataru was.

That it’s a humid afternoon didn’t help either. He could feel the sweat on his back even when the doors were already slid open, exhibiting a verdant garden filled with blossoms and shrub peonies. From his place he could see the school of koi swirling in the shallow pond, their scales iridescent under the warm rays of the sun.

“Didn’t know you were the funny sort, 'Kaashi!” Saikawa blurted out, the sake in his hand spilling to his fingers.

This wasn’t Wataru’s first day on the job, but this is the first that he gets to do something this important. And with someone he highly respects, too.

So he gave his collar a light tug, steeling himself to endure as he tucked his legs further beneath him, and resorted to thinking about the many things he would absolutely surrender just to lie down on the warm mat.

His car, maybe.

The brand new noise-cancelling headphones he bought, if pushed.

Wataru saw Akaashi nod.

“I appreciate a joke every now and then,” he said.

The larger man laughed again.

“Here, here!” Saikawa thundered, snatching a tiny, yellow box from the maid who appeared as swiftly as she’d left.

“I heard you like sweets. Here,” he said, grinning as he handed it to Akaashi. “My youngest son just opened a cake shop. I know what you’re thinking, but who am I to say no, eh?”

Akaashi passed the box to Wataru.

“Mind it for me, please,” he whispered.

How unexpected. Akaashi-san has a sweet tooth.

Huh.

That’s pretty neat. Wataru himself wasn’t partial to cakes, but he does love pudding.

“You are a good father, Jun’ichi-san,” Akaashi told him.

This time, Wataru didn’t bother suppressing a yawn as Saikawa fumbled for his phone, hiding it behind his hand as he stared at the birds chirping and hopping about outside.

“Wanna see him? He’s much like you! Good head on his shoulders, that one.”

“I am honored, Jun’ichi-san,” Akaashi echoed back, peering down at the photos Saikawa showed him.

“He sends me a lot of these- uh,” Saikawa snorted, his nose reddened by the alcohol. “What do young people call it, the- pictures-”

“Selfies?” Akaashi politely supplied.

“That’s the one! Look. Precious, ain’t he?”

His earpiece crackled to life.

Konoha’s voice emerged from the static.

“We’re ready when you are,” his senior murmured. “Man, this is taking too long. Let’s get some burgers when we’re done.”

“Akaashi-san,” Wataru croaked, feeling his cheeks heat up as he continued, “K-Komi-san and the others are waiting for you.”

Saikawa perked up. “Ah, of course! Of course!”

He stumbled when he attempted to stand up. Akaashi was quick on his feet to assist him.

“I knew I could count on you, son,” he muttered, patting Akaashi’s back. “Now, you tell Bokuto that what happened between us- it’s all in the past! All in the past! And if those bastards mess with him again, you tell him to run to old Jun’ichi!”

Akaashi clasped Saikawa’s hand.

“Thank you,” Akaashi said. “I’ll be sure to relay your sentiments to Bokuto-san.”

“You do that, my boy.” Saikawa’s belly shook as he laughed. “Your generation’s a smart one, indeed. The in-fighting and wars, bah! All that trouble for nothing; that’s not your style. Your lot’s the future now!”

Then, Akaashi stepped a few meters back and bowed.

Wataru followed behind him.

“We will be taking our leave,” Akaashi said. “It has been an illuminating talk, Jun’ichi-san.”

The sound of the bamboo drip trickling water into another stalk permeated through the silence.

It collapsed and clunked against a stone.

He heard the birds flutter away.

When Wataru raised his head, Saikawa had already been lying face down on the floor.

And, of course, Wataru’s used to it: the crack of a gun muffled by a silencer.

He’s been practicing his entire life, after all. He actually doesn’t flinch anymore and Wataru thinks he should be proud of himself.

It’s just that... how could someone who used to be there, suddenly...disappear? Saikawa was right in front of him a few minutes ago. Laughing and showing off photographs of his son. And now he’s...not.

But, Saikawa didn’t disappear. Not really.

The blood seeping through the tatami is proof of it, but Wataru chooses not to look. In theory, he knows what a bullet through the skull looks like. He’d just rather not see today if what he’s taught reflects true in the real world.

Maybe some other time.

“Wataru.”

Wataru flinched. “Y-yes?”

Akaashi looked back at him. “The cake?”

His body was still trembling and it took a lot of strength to not let it show in his hands when he gave it back to Akaashi, the box pleasantly yellow with doodles of doe-eyed eggs dancing along the handle. Unblemished, unlike Akaashi, who was sporting a splatter of blood along his cheek.

It’s surprisingly still cool to touch, too.

“No, thank you,” he said, rejecting the handkerchief that Wataru offered.

From afar, Wataru could hear the faint melodies of an old love song being played by a car radio. No doubt Konoha’s doing. It followed them, growing louder the closer they walked back into the parking lot. The others bowed and sent gruff salutations along Akaashi’s way as they dragged bodies out of the Saikawa mansion.

(It was nauseating and Wataru wanted to pass out.)

He pressed his nails harshly into the meat of his palm.

“A-Akaashi-san,” Wataru began. “I didn’t know that- that um, you liked... sweets.”

Akaashi halted.

“No, I don’t,” he said, blinking. “But my wife does.”

Wataru stared at him.

Akaashi went ahead.

He stayed that way— staring and wondering, until they stopped by the fast food restaurant that Konoha loved so much. Wataru couldn’t even finish his burger and fries.

By the time that they hit the freeway, Akaashi had already cleaned himself up and Wataru was still grappling with the word “wife.”

Of course he knows the man is married.

But, how, exactly, do you reconcile his reputation with the sight of him, every passing headlight sharpening his features, quietly humming along to Aki Yashiro? Who was longing for Shinjuku at night, the beauty of it, and oh, how wonderful it’d be, she said: a rendezvous with her lover, waiting for her under raining cherry blossoms.

Wataru figured that he was tired and starting to see things.

That small smile that graced Akaashi’s lips couldn't be real, either, especially those hands of his that held the box of cake like it’s worth more than gold.

He wasn't really particular when it comes to music. A song's a song, in Akaashi's opinion. Another form of noise that helps when the silence gets too overbearing.

But you, on the other hand, liked music. Listened to it the same way one eats their favorite food: memorizes the lyrics; goes out of your way to collect unearthed photographs and newspaper clippings that made the singer seem more human.

You loved music— was probably the right way of putting it.

Especially the old variety. He didn't get it at first. The sounds are dated; no one speaks in that language with that cadence anymore; the singer's probably dead.

Well, Akaashi still doesn't get it, if he were to be honest.

Yet here he is.

His hands were wrapped around your waist, coaxing you into a slow— albeit clumsy, waltz.

"Kei-kun!" you squeaked. "The dishes!"

You dragged your slippers beneath you, struggling to wipe the suds off your hands.

"S-seriously, Kei-kun..!"

Sure, he doesn’t fully understand what’s great about it, music.

Yet here he is.

Perhaps it’s because he immediately recognized the first few notes this time, that’s why he’s doing this. He didn’t even wait for the DJ to finish saying, “You’re still listening to Vintage F.M. Here’s a classic for you couples out there. Have a romantic night with Nat King Cole’s L-O-V-”

Perhaps it’s because your cream stew tasted extra special that it made him shrug the fatigue off, giving in to the urge of pulling you close and taking your damp hand in his to sway and bob along the skipping bassline. Your bashful objections went in one ear and out the other.

Sure, he’s not the type to do this, either, dancing.

Yet here he is.

Perhaps it’s because he knew that it’s your favorite song.

Perhaps it’s just what marriage does to you.

"Did you like the cake?" he whispered against your neck, inhaling the scent of cinnamon and the way your skin jumped as he did.

Your breaths were shallow against his chest, but you managed a soft, “Yes, sweetheart. Thank you.”

Akaashi caressed your back, kneading the tensed muscles as he huffed.

“Good,” he murmured, trembling. “Good girl. What a relief."

It was endearing, how offbeat the both of you were. A shame, though, considering that Nat King Cole’s fervently insisting on love; that it’s all that I can give to you; that it’s more than just a game for two.

So Akaashi makes up for his two left feet by joining in. He pressed his lips to your forehead. How strange, your presence in his life. What did he do to deserve you by his side, for this contentment that thaws away the chill?

(He put a ring on your finger, is what he did. He deserves this.)

“Two,” he droned, made giddy by the sparks in his belly, “in love can make it.”

You looked at him, wide-eyed.

“Take my heart and please don’t break it.”

He spun you around.

“Oh my god, Kei-kun,” you gasped. “You can’t sing.”

Akaashi’s aware of it all too well. He can’t carry a note; not him: the guy who’s had monotony ingrained in his very being. But that’s why he has you.

A startled giggle left you as he guided you into a box step, the trumpet rising and falling over the strings. You stepped on him a few times, so he lifted you up, just so, and kicked off your slippers. Then, he set your feet atop his own.

He took you with him as he moved, waddling and careful not to hit his back against the countertop. It came as no revelation that both of you weren’t any better dancers even after this maneuver.

Akaashi continued. Starting with L—

“Is for the way you look at me.”

“Stop, stop-” Your eyes crinkled at the sides. “You’re flat.”

Akaashi persisted, anyway, taking your cheek to pepper kisses all over your face.

“O is for the only one I see.”

Your laugh was airy— light and buoyant all over the kitchen, like a fairy leaving stardust in its wake. Not gratingly booming nor demanding. After all, you weren’t the kind who felt the need for it: an audience to witness how pleased you are; how strong and powerful you are over everyone else.

Besides, your laugh was just for him. A private and intimate thing. And he was so lost in it that he almost forgot what’s been gnawing at him for the entire morning.

Akaashi rested his chin on your shoulder, nuzzling the downy fabric of your dress as he gripped you by the hips.

“Where did you go earlier?”

The orchestra was in a joyous uproar, joining the rapid beating of your heart; the trumpet bright and clear, singing in harmony with the bass and saxophones and trombones, as Nat King Cole repeatedly guaranteed, as if an oath, that love was made for me and you.

Love was made for me and you.

“I had to buy some groceries!” you piped up. “We ran out of ingredients. Sorry, I forgot to bring my phone with me. Oh, I have to run you a bath. I’ll tell you when it’s done, alright?”

You broke away from him with a beaming grin, but Akaashi wanted to ask, despite the evidence of it before him.

“Are you happy?”

It has already ended, the song. The DJ was signing off for the night.

You nodded, playfully jabbing his arm with a fist.

“Of course,” you told him. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Perhaps it’s because you were never really good at pretense, no matter how much you hid behind needless noise.

Music. Laughter. Running water.

Akaashi sighed as he slumped down the nearest stool.

Of course you’re happy. Why wouldn’t you be?

After rubbing his eyes with clammy fingers, Akaashi fiddled them together beneath his temples. He released a heavy breath and fished for his phone in his pocket.

He spoke after the first two rings.

“Wataru-san, I’m sorry for bothering you,” he said. “Can you do something for me?”

His subordinate didn't ask him why, neither did he react when he'd stated his request. Akaashi knew, however, that the question was sitting in Wataru's clipped replies. The boy’s “yes, sir” and “understood, sir” were far too enthusiastic than normal.

Akaashi didn’t mind, though, if he did ask. And despite that familiar pang of dread, Akaashi would answer him like the common— just like the average, everyday husband— with that characteristic, bordering on irksome pride that they have when they talk about their wives.

Why?

“Well, Wataru-san,” Akaashi would answer. “Perhaps this is just what marriage does to you.”

The house was a house like any other.

There was an old pickup truck parked outside the freshly painted gate, carrying crates of fruits and vegetables in its trunk. Along the bricked walls was an overgrowth of vines and ferns. It extended around the windows and crept up the balcony.

A large Shiba ran outside and jumped to your lap as soon as it saw you by the driveway.

Wataru heard Chiaki stir at the back of the car.

“Pay up, asshole,” he grunted, waking a disheveled Ryota who’s still holding a half-bitten melon bread.

His lackey cracked his neck and gave the scenery a cursory glance. “Could be a front.”

Ryota grumbled and went back to sleep.

“Idiot,” Chiaki clicked his tongue. “She traveled all the way to Miyagi just to give intel? And here? Of all places?”

Three days.

They’ve tailed you for three days. Akaashi-san never said anything else, besides that within the week, while he’s gone and sealing deals in another country, there was a high likelihood of you folding and getting out of Tokyo.

To run right here. In Miyagi.

He didn’t say why, really, but Wataru supposes it’s better that he didn’t. Because during the days of absolute, mind-crushing boredom, of watching some suburban wife go out for a morning walk, chat with her neighbors, and shop around the market, rinse and repeat, coming up with the Why had been their only salvation.

The betting pool has two answers: cheater or snitch.

Chiaki was insistent on the former, while Ryota stood by the latter.

And Wataru...Wataru could only watch, waiting with a bated breath as the door finally opened.

“I bet it’s someone younger,” Chiaki said. “Usually is.”

Seems that none of them were winning anything today.

The man who emerged from the house was far older— who, oddly enough, resembled you. An old woman soon followed behind him. Both of them looked at you as if they were witnessing a specter, or someone who's crawled back from the dead. An appropriate comparison, especially since they’re both wearing somber black clothes.

It wasn’t his place to assume. Though he’s been promoted to a slightly higher position, it will never come close to the place that Keiji Akaashi occupies. Wataru knows all of these, but nothing was stopping him from putting the pieces together, no matter what little he has.

They could only stare when all of you broke down into tears, locked in each other’s embrace as you knelt on the pavement.

Don’t let her stay too long.

That had been one of Akaashi-san’s orders.

So the three of them didn’t wait it out. By the time that the sun had set, Wataru had already stepped out of the car, taking Ryota with him. He made sure to remind the boy, just in case he’d forgotten.

“Be gentle, alright?” Wataru reiterated.

There hadn’t been any need for that, it turned out.

He’s sure you’ve never met before, but Wataru saw bitter understanding flash in your eyes when you caught them loitering in front of your house. Fear was there, too, of course.

Wataru was convinced that surely it’s a good thing. It saved everyone a lot of time, that way.

You didn’t even say a word, only giving Wataru a stiff nod when he’d introduced himself, and remained like so on the ride back to Tokyo, with the strap of your handbag trapped by a clenched fist. Wataru didn’t try to initiate small talk; it felt unnecessary.

It took a while for Wataru to realize that you also hadn’t bothered to change out of your pajamas, though he gave you a couple of minutes to say your farewells.

Pajamas, obscured now by a thick, gray coat.

Akaashi-san was right.

You had no plans of coming home. Not tonight. Maybe not for a while.

Wataru decided not to linger on it anymore.

He ignored the blank stare that pierced right through the rear-view mirror. And then, Wataru wondered, hand sweating in his pocket, what the three of them should have for dinner.

Thick chunks of pumpkin melted in your mouth with just the first spoonful of broth.

It'd been a while since the last time Akaashi cooked. So, more than anything, it was the sight of him setting plates and utensils that took you aback, greeting you with a, "Welcome home. You're just in time. Food's ready," his sleeves rolled to his elbows while donning your baby owl-printed apron.

The taste didn't. Surprise you, that is. He's a good cook. Unlike you, who only became marginally better one hundred burn scars later.

It also didn't surprise you that he flew back home at the drop of a hat. Even when he said he'd be gone for a week.

"How is it?" Akaashi asked after chewing. "Took me a while to make it."

It obviously did, you thought. When you arrived, Irma Thomas was already begging through the record player.

"Do you need me, like I need you?" she implored, straight from the heart. "Look at me, I'm crying from holding you."

The last song on your favorite record. It was cheap and had the best from the artists you loved.

Etta James. Ella Fitzgerald. Aretha Franklin. The Mills Brothers. Bessie Smith. All in one vinyl.

"Yeah," you replied, clearing your throat when you realized how hard it is to speak. "It's delicious."

You looked back down to your bowl. The tofu had gone untouched. Your food was still close to spilling to the brim, while Akaashi was almost finished with his, scrolling on his phone laid on the table.

"So no one coaxed you into it," you heard him say, and that had ripped your eyes away from the broth like a bandage on an infected wound.

Akaashi was holding your phone, reading the messages- his number was the only one there, as pealing bells resonated in the dining room.

"I'd think of all the things that I wanted of you," cried Irma Thomas. "To make me forget the pain that you caused."

"I would've known if anyone else talked to you, anyway," he huffed, locking the screen before blowing steam off the morsel.

"You would," you conceded. The tofu was soft when you bit into it, sinking into your teeth.

"I found that in our cabinet. Last time it was in the kitchen drawer, wasn't it?" Akaashi helped himself to a bowl of rice. "Don't leave it in stuffy places. What if you forget where you hid it and you won't know when I call?"

"And I can no longer keep track of where you are for every moment of the day?" you could hear him say. Though he didn't; though all that could heard, besides the scraping of utensils, was Irma Thomas declaring:

A fragile thing, like life. It just don't last so long.

It could be for a minute or an hour. Or then again, from now.

Your lips tightened with a grin. "I won't do it again, sweetheart," you said, spoon hanging limply in your hold.

He didn't need to say it.

That your phone has a tracker. That this house is still the same cage that it'd been before. That the only difference between then and now is that silver band on your finger.

Akaashi’s blinked back at you as he sipped what remained of the soup. You tried to do the same.

The savory taste was cloying and it burned in your throat, so you didn't attempt to finish the bowl. It cut down to your heart, sinking heavily on your stomach, bile rising as the song came to a close.

You gulped it down, though. You had to. And in the final moments, Irma Thompson told you what she really wanted.

"Make me forget," she said, "the pain that you'd caused."

The chorus joined her. "Understanding is a great thing," she concluded. "If it comes from the heart."

Akaashi was on his own phone this time. Most likely checking on the business that he left, judging by those furrowed brows and that long-suffering look in his eyes.

Fizzling noise came at the heels of the fading music. Then, it stopped. And there was nothing left anymore but silence.

It's over now. Akaashi’s making a move to clean up. You were supposed to say, "That was a lovely dinner, honey." Or, you could tell him to sit down and watch a movie with you when he's done.

"I'll help you with the dishes," you wanted to say.

I'll help you with the dishes. It was so easy to say.

Instead, what came out of your mouth was a hushed call for his name.

"Kei-kun," you repeated, brittle and weak and dry.

"I'm so sorry," you might've mouthed.

You could barely hear your own voice as you looked at him. Akaashi paused from tidying the table.

You're parched and a lot has happened today. Gathering the courage to take that first step out of the city had taken what little strength you had. The fear never left you. Seeing your old house almost ended you.

It should be physically impossible for you to still be able to cry. And yet there doesn't seem to be an end to your tears now, the same way your apologies unfurled in an embarrassingly infinite string.

"Don't lock me inside here again," you whispered, clinging to him as he shushed you, wiping your cheeks with his thumbs as he helped you drink a glass of water.

He carried you to your room and sat you down on the bed, right between his thighs. You sobbed into your hands, tears and snot on the sleeves of your pajama top.

"I- I just wanted to see them. That's all. Just one day, Kei-kun. One day. I was gonna come back, I swear."

You're rambling. You're a madwoman pleading and bargaining with a stone-cold judge because playing house is the only thing keeping her alive.

And you messed that up you foolish, foolish girl.

"Please don't hurt my family," you heaved. "They're all I have left."

Akaashi doesn't speak, not for a while, but when he did, you bawled harder.

"I can kill them all," he said, matter of factly.

It is true. Hearing him say it does not make it easier to take, though.

"I can hurt you the same way that you hurt me."

Your neck strained as he tipped your chin towards him with a slender finger.

"I can break you," he muttered, not batting an eye.

That, too, is true. You know it all too well. He said it with such serenity, still and undisturbed by the shaking of your head, because it goes without saying.

Except, you, too, know it.

When he is breaking. When he is falling apart.

He smothered you, taking your entire body to curl against you, making himself small as he pressed his face on your back.

"Yet- and yet I-" Akaashi sniffled. You felt your shirt dampen. "I've given you everything."

When he finally brought his face close to yours, he looked so lost. Almost like a little boy who's on the verge of drowning, clinging desperately onto a lifesaver and too shocked to shout for help.

You hated him all the more for it.

"Each other," he said, snarling, almost, through tears as he grabbed your face with both hands. "That's all we have left, you hear? You and I. Husband and wife."

He seized your jaw and turned it towards the vanity mirror.

The room was dark save for the light in the hallway, peeking into the crack through the doorway.

But you could see yourself. And you could see your hand intertwined in his, your rings gleaming like muted starlights.

"We made a vow," he whispered, kissing your ring finger.

A detached part of you is astonished with how inescapable it is. Whether it be a reward or a punishment; a good day or a bad one.

No matter what happens, you always end up like this, don't you?

Begging to him with your legs spread wide.

You did as you'd always done when he began unbuttoning your top.

You go back to that autumn morning, when you first laid your eyes on him, a cup of coffee in his hand, and you thought that he had the prettiest face you'd ever seen.

You go back to when he was just this really romantic guy who sent you flowers every day. There was a letter, every time.

Nothing too grandiose. Just short messages hoping that you'd have a great day ahead.

He kissed your neck, wet smooches and long, flat-tongued licks dipping down your shoulder.

He watched you through the mirror, his eyes a pair of darkened blues daring you to look away.

Akaashi Keiji was your boyfriend, you told yourself. You dated him for quite some time before you married.

Akaashi Keiji got along well with your father and doted on your mother. On Sundays, you visit them and they send you back to Tokyo with ripe watermelons.

Akaashi Keiji has never hurt you.

The man tracing the hem of your bra, cupping your clothed tits and drawing lazy circles over nipples, however, did.

(And he still will in future. He still is, right now.)

This man is the real one.

And you have angered him, so he will not make this easy for you.

"What did you promise me?" Akaashi whispered as he lightly bit the shell of your ear. "Or have you forgotten?"

Of course, you haven't forgotten. You were chained to this very room when you made them, after all.

"N-no, I remember," you said, catching your breath. "I remember, Kei-kun."

"Then say it," he said. "Look at me."

You shivered as his palms swept over your stomach; as he unfastened your bra, letting it fall down your arms.

"Look at me when you say it."

You felt your nipples harden, gooseprickles spread all over you, as the air hit your bare skin, cooling the sweat that made it glisten.

"Please," he rasped.

The eyes of the woman in the mirror was hooded, threatening to close as she puffed with each squeeze and caress to her tits, swiveling her hips against her husband’s crotch as he grinded into her.

"I will be happy," she said.

Akaashi nuzzled your temple, using his rough fingers to tease your nipples just as he did, brushing them to and fro, then grazing the bumpy skin around until you're squeaking out his name.

And when he began pressing down on the stiff peaks with his thumbs, before rolling and pulling at them, the heels of his palm digging into your tits, you saw the woman claw at her husband's hair, a graceless affair that almost scratched his eye out, making him reach for both her arms to wrap them around his neck.

"I- I will..!" Her lips parted in a breathless scream and it was disgusting how lewd she appeared. "I will not run away!"

The streak of tears on his cheeks touched yours when he kissed you. His lips were soft and warm, his wet tongue gliding in so slowly as he deepened the kiss with a throaty groan.

His other hand crawled down to your soaked panties. You couldn't contain the mewl that left you.

Both of you gasped and struggled to breathe again after you parted from each other.

"You understand, don't you?" he rasped.

Two of his fingers slid down your folds, only to slither back up, then down again, smearing your cunt with its own slick.

But he never touched your swollen clit, even though it's throbbing and aching to be rubbed and the hard bulge sitting between your ass grew harder the more you squirmed in his hold, whimpering like a bitch in heat.

You heard your husband sigh, his hot breath tickling you when he said, "This isn't about you now."

Belly pushed into the edge of the dressing table, rattling and battering against the wall with each forceful thrust, and your leg perched atop it, made numb by Akaashi's grip on your thigh.

That was the first thing that you could recall when you opened your eyes.

But your entire body was screaming in pain, so you knew that everything else that happened last night would come back to you soon enough.

The flesh had a memory of its own.

You sat up with a groan and you didn't have to see the marks to know.

His teeth were still nipping at you, biting you until they drew blood, only to follow with an apologetic lapping of his tongue.

You could feel him beneath you, his hands clawing you down to him, palms kneading your ass cheeks as you bounced up and down on his cock.

You could feel him above you, gripping your wrists not unlike the cuffs that once kept you shackled. He had your legs wrapped around his waist, pulling you close to him, filling you up with loads and loads of cum, squelching every time he sank down your weeping hole.

And when your vision began to blur at the edges, he carried your body, mere seconds into fainting, to the dressing table.

The evidence of that stared back at you in shameful streaks and smudges, traces of your fingers on the mirror when he rammed your cunt from behind.

"Are you happy?" Akaashi whispered.

You don't know.

When he's just your husband who comes home to your arms and brings you sweets because he knows how much you love them; who dances with you in the kitchen and listens intently to you when you talk about that cute dog you saw at the park, were you happy, then?

You don't know, but the woman in the mirror, in that moment, surely was.

She even said, "Yes, yes, Kei-kun, right there, fuck me right there!"

Her pupils were blown wide, eyes rolling almost over to the back of her head. And despite the cries that escaped her, there was a wide, dissipated smile on her lips, spit trailing down her chin.

"Look at you," Akaashi said, grunting when your walls tightened around his shaft. "You're clearly happy with me."

"So why? Why'd you even think of leaving?" He rocked his hips, grinding his thick cock against that spot that had you holding onto the mirror. "Don't ever do that to me again."

You told him no, no, you won't run away again, but it didn't seem to placate his unease, nor his tears.

"I'm so scared, everyday, that you'll leave me and- and- it feels like hell. I would rather die."

He kissed your nape as he huffed and said, "Because I don't know what I'll do without you."

You never really understood why; what about you had caused him to single you out in the sea of people that had vied for his attention. Especially now as you looked at yourself in the mirror.

There were dark circles under your eyes and Akaashi’s t-shirt was rumpled on your body, engulfing you whole with its size— a far cry from that lovely, dazzling bride that his best friend, Bokuto, had described you as on your wedding day.

But you’re aware, more than anyone, that Akaashi Keiji is the last person to care about appearances.

When he entered the room, carrying a tray in his hands, he gazed at that disheveled girl with eyebags big enough to be dragged around the same way he looked at her when he waited for her at the end of the aisle.

“I made you pancakes,” he muttered, clearing his throat as he sat down beside you.

You were tired so it didn’t dawn on you as quickly as it should that he made them the way you preferred. Four fluffy pieces stacked atop one another, sprinkled with powdered sugar, whipped cream and a smattering of berries on the side.

He fiddled with his fingers when you only stared at it, so you immediately took the fork in your hand and sliced the pancake in half.

“I’ll be taking some time off work,” Akaashi said as you took the food in your mouth. You only nodded, having noticed that he wasn’t wearing the usual bespoke suit as soon as he entered the room.

You felt him near you; felt his hand, warm to touch, cup your face.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” His eyes were misty and, this close, it seemed that he, too, wasn’t in a good shape. “So please-” Akaashi licked his chapped lips, “Please don’t go.”

“I won’t,” you replied, giving him the smile that you knew he needed. “I promise.”

Then, as you moved to kiss him on the cheek, the chains that tethered you to the bedpost clinked softly beneath the blanket, and you didn’t bother to keep the tears at the bay.

Akaashi wiped them for you when you said that you loved him. And when he asked why, you only shrugged and told him that the pancakes were so sweet that they could make anyone cry.

#tw noncon #tw non con haikyuu #akaashi x y/n #akaashi x female reader #Dark content haikyuu #yandere akaashi keiji

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sourholland · 4 years

Note

Ooooh angst “what about us?” “there is no us, there never was.” with tom plssss! Really love ur work 🌸

Last Kiss || Tom Holland

Summary → After a fling you and Tom had started while filming a movie together, he tells you that you two can’t be together anymore. Once you get home, Tom let’s you know that he made a mistake.

AN → This was supposed to come out yesterday, I just got lazy and waited to edit it. I can’t tell if I like how this came out or hate it, either way, I hope you guys like this. Also in honor of the Fearless re-record!!

Pairing(s) → Tom Holland x Fem!Reader

Warnings → Strong Language, Suggestive, Alcohol Use

Prompt(s) → 38

Word Count → 1.9k

The ringing of your phone sounded through your apartment loudly, the sound of the rain pattering loudly against the windows out-looking New York City. You set down the remote, feet padding against the cold hardwood while you looked for your buzzing cellphone.

You didn’t bother glancing at the caller ID, picking it up bringing it to your ear all in one quick motion.

“Hello?” You said, pulling a wine glass down from the cabinet.

“Y/N?” Tom’s voice came through the phone.

Your heart dropped, a breath catching in your throat while you stood in your kitchen. He was across the country, wanting nothing to do with you. He repeated your name through the phone, asking if you were there.

“Yeah, I’m here,” you answered, pouring more wine than you’d originally intended into the glass.

“Isn’t it like one in the morning in England?” You asked, listening to the muffles coming through the speaker.

“Yeah—yeah, it’s late here. I just couldn’t sleep, and I started to think of you. Sorry, I probably shouldn’t have called.”

You sat at one of the barstools, swirling the red contents of the glass around. You wanted to yell at him, or maybe you wanted to tell him how much you loved him. You sat silently for a few moments, bare legs cold from the draft.

“Tom,” you started. “I just don’t get why we have to rehash the past, you know? I came back to New York, just like you told me I should. You’re working on whatever new movie, I’m doing the same. I don’t know—I just think we should leave whatever happened between us alone. You made it very clear that it was me that you didn’t want,” you mumbled, pulling at the sleeves of your sweater.

He audibly sighed, the ruffling of sheets coming through the phone. He was probably in bed, if he wasn’t so far away you’d have asked him if this was a sad attempt at getting you to sleep with him.

“I was fucking stupid, and I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so fucking sorry, I’ve said that a million times,” his voice was hoarse and tired.

“I’ve already forgiven you, Tom. I just can’t keep doing this—this thing with you.”

You both went quiet for a minute, the only sound being the noise from outside in the bustling streets of the city and the rain. You knew you should hang up, block his number and forget about anything you two ever had. You’d tried a few times, unable to bring yourself to doing it.

“What about us?” He asked lowly, a twinge of hurt in his tired voice.

“There is no us, Tom,” you replied. “I’m not even sure there ever was.”

He didn’t say anything, you wanted to let out the repressed cry and tell him you didn’t mean it. That you were sorry and that you thought about him more than you’d like to admit. Something in you knew if you didn’t do your best to cut it off, you two would continue down the same everlasting cycle.

“Okay,” he said.

“Okay.”

The line went silent for a moment, and then your home screen lit up. The call had been ended. You downed the remainder of your wine, ditching the cup and just going for the bottle. You thought about calling him back, about apologizing and booking a plane ticket like some lovesick teenager.

You opened Instagram and began scrolling through your feed of posts, liking and commenting occasionally. You weren’t anywhere near drunk, merely tipsy and heartbroken. Your finger lingered on the button to go live, wondering if you really wanted thousands of people to see you in this state.

You left the kitchen and instead propped your phone against the couch, taking a seat on the white rug of your living room. You wearily pressed the go live button, raising the bottle to your chapped lips once more. You are pathetic, you thought.

“Hey guys!” You smiled at the camera and outpouring of greetings in the comments. Within a few minutes you’d racked in a few thousand viewers. You grabbed the guitar sitting against your wall and strummed the cords lightly while it sat in your lap.

userone: you are so adorable

usertwo: can you please say hi?!!!??

userthree: it’s my birthday y/n!

“I’m sorry I haven’t been very active on social media, guys. It’s been super crazy traveling back and forth from London to New York and then having to leave again in a few weeks. And now I’m sitting on my living room floor with a bottle of wine,” you laughed. A few familiar people popped into the comments of the live, some you’ve worked with and some you’ve yet to meet in person.

florencepugh: y/n!!!

gracieabrams: might just bust out the wine just for u

“Florence, I can’t wait to see you soon!” You smiled, “Gracie, I swear it’s making everything like a hundred times better.”

userfour: i’m in love with her

userfive: y/n saving 2021???!!!

“I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to be singing,” you flushed. You did sing, before getting into acting you’d post a lot on Instagram and TikTok. It’d always been more of a hobby, something you loved to do, but weren’t good enough to pursue.

“I’ve had a little too much to drink,” you added. “So don’t get upset if I’m a little pitchy, guys.”

usersix: if she’s pitchy i’m not sure what i am

userseven: sing taylor swift!!!

“Okay, okay!” You chuckled, scrolling through the hundreds of comments saying to play Taylor Swift. You’d only just been crying to like three of her albums a few hours before.

“How about the chorus—and maybe the bridge too, yeah, that’ll work,” you mumbled to yourself, fiddling with the strings. “Alright, guys, Last Kiss it is. I won’t bore you all with the whole thing, though. I could never do Taylor justice.”

“And I’ll go sit on the floor, wearing your clothes”

Getting involved with him was singlehandedly the most stupid decision you’ve ever made, you thought. Late nights in his flat after long nights on set, ordering in and just talking, you two would talk as if you’d known each other your whole lives. It was something about the way he’d let you wear his clothes, or the way he’d tuck your hair behind your ear while you told him about whatever insignificant thing that had happened that day.

“All that I know,

I don’t know how to be something you miss”

The car ride to the airport was the worst, it was grey and cold outside. There was makeup running down your face, mascara covering your eyes generously. You’d wrapped filming a week earlier, unable to bring yourself to walk away from him.

You couldn’t tell the driver to turn you around, or could you? Tom had already made it clear that you were both in different places in your career. This wasn’t what he wanted. You weren’t what he wanted.

“I never thought we’d have our last kiss”

He had held you just a little tighter, you ran your fingers through his hair for just a second longer. The taste of each other lingering on the both of your lips. Like you knew it would be the last time he’d hold you without knowing.

His stupid smiled, the way he pulled away and ran his thumb over your swollen bottom lip. You were almost wrapped around his finger, absolutely sickened with desire and infatuation for him.

“I never imagined we’d end like this,

Your name, forever the name on my lips”

The day you’d left to come home to New York started with a huge argument between the two of you. He’d basically just told you that you’d both known from the beginning you wouldn’t last together. It wasn’t a matter of how much you cared for one another, but that it was impossible, as he put it.

His eyes glossed over and bloodshot, you a complete and utter mess. Slamming the door behind you as you left was one of the most painful things you’d ever endured. Even more painful, the fact that he never came after you.

“So I’ll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep”

“I can feel you staring at me, love,” he murmured against the pillow.

Your face heated, eyes averting to the stream of light through the sheerness of the curtains. He leaned into you a moment later, his lips soft on your own. He was warm, he was always so warm. You cupped the side of his face gently, pulling him in a bit harder.

“And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe”

You dropped your bags, stepping into your apartment after months of being away. It felt quieter than usual, desolate and empty from your being away. It was dark out, the illumination of the bright city lights from your windows.

You glanced down at your phone for a moment, not a missed call, not a text, not even a fucking notification. He’d simply told you to go home, nothing more nothing less.

“I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are,

Hope it’s nice where you are”

You’d texted Harrison a few times, regretting it almost immediately after. He was sweet, telling you that Tom would come around eventually and to just be patient. You’d relied on those kind words for some time, eventually deleting them all together.

After Tom’s first text, you’d realized he wasn’t coming around or regretting what he’d said to you. He was lonely, maybe even a bit desperate. For months you had been there to listen to him and hold him, and now you were gone.

You’d fed into it the first few times, sitting on the phone with him for hours at a time. Then you started to feel worse hearing his voice, silent sobs escaping as you’d listen to him ramble. Then your finger would linger over the decline button a little longer than usual when he’d call, until eventually you started to use it.

“And I hope the sun shines and it’s a beautiful day,

And something reminds you,

You wish you had stayed”

Once you started to go out with other guys, Tom’s ‘I miss you’ texts became more infrequent. Paparazzi would snap pictures, and the next morning they’d be plastered all over the internet.

There was no doubt he was seeing you going out with other people, watching article after article about who you were dating surface. Would he be jealous? No, you thought. Tom was probably doing the same thing as you. Hopeless hookups, meaningless blind dates.

“You can plan for a change in the weather and time”

One early morning, you found yourself in a sweatshirt you’d stolen from one of his drawers and forgotten to return. Listening to the morning rush of traffic and hugging yourself, noticing the lingering smell of his cologne.

You wondered if he knew you’d taken it, if he would think you were pathetic wearing it months after you two had broken things off. This only made you clutch yourself a little tighter, closing your eyes and trying to remember.

“But I never planned on you changing your mind”

#tom holland imagines #tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader

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let-them-read-fics · 4 years

Text

Too Late To Apologize?

Requested By @rosiesandlilies: “I was wondering if I can request a Rosé x female reader story where Rosie is an idol who also happens to be ur wife and since she and BP are taking over the world by storm, she starts to forget about you and whenever u ask her to spend a little bit of time with you, she gets upset and fights with you. You’re also an important person but you always make time for her. Can it be angsty with fluff 🥰”

Pairing: Rosé x Fem!Reader

Word Count: ~ 6,026

Warnings / Misc: -- Angst, Self Doubt, Strained Marriage / Relationship, Crying, Some Swearing, Fluff

Disclaimer: This writing is a work of fiction, and no disrespect is meant for those mentioned herein.

A/N: Oooooo lord, here we go. I am feeding 👏 you 👏 all 👏 today! This one took a while to write, but I’m pretty happy with it. I wrote it all in one go, starting at like 3am (as usual lol), so forgive me if it’s a little rough. I put a lot of effort into it, though, so I hope you guys enjoy. Thank you for requesting -- Happy reading!

PS ~ I highly recommend that you listen to these songs as you read this:

You Were Good To Me -- Jeremy Zucker & Chelsea Cutler

Surrender -- Natalie Taylor

The Night We Met -- Lord Huron

I Found -- Amber Run

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

Hongdae, Seoul -- 8:00 PM

“Good evening, everyone! Before I open the doors, I’d like to thank each and every one of you for taking the time out of your day to stop in. We couldn’t have done this without your support, and we’re endlessly grateful. We hope you have a wonderful experience with us tonight. Now, without further ado, welcome to La Rêverie!”

To your amusement, the sizable crowd erupts into a fit of cheers once your opening speech is over. Echoes of the joyous sounds carry across the city, wiggling their way through the alleys and streets, bouncing off of the nearby buildings. The customers slowly filter in, greeting and congratulating you on their way; you’re beyond excited to start this new journey, and seeing people so happy to be a part of it only makes you more proud.

Eventually everyone makes it inside to their seats, and you join them.

--- Later That Evening ---

“Y/N, we have a private party that would like to see you. They’re eager to meet the woman behind all of this,” Pierre smirks, quirking an eyebrow suggestively. His demeanor confuses you slightly, seeing as how this isn’t the first time high profile celebrities have requested your presence -- that’s just one of the perks of being a world renowned chef. You brush off his remark as playful banter and send him to tell them that you’ll be out soon.

---

“...yes, actually. Y/N and I were fortunate enough to meet when she was studying in Paris; we were being trained by the same chef. We’ve been close ever since. I’m not surprised that she hired me, though; I’m practically a master in the kitchen.”

At Pierre’s cocky words, your eyes nearly roll into the back of your head. A small grin plays on your lips nonetheless, and you smooth out your top one more time before rounding the corner.

“What’s this idiot on about now? Did he tell you about the time that he nearly got kicked out of our mentorship program for giving Anthony Bourdain the wrong dish?” You ask the table, sending them a glance while ruffling his hair as you come up behind him. They all snicker at that, and it’s his turn to roll his eyes; with an annoyed shove, he scolds you for bringing that story up again.

“Must you always tell people about that?”

Your smile widens, spreading cutely across your face. Mocking him is one of your favorite things to do. “Mhm,” you say simply, nodding your head for emphasis. He attempts to hide his embarrassment, but it only brings a deeper blush to his cheeks.

At the VIP table, the suppressed sound of laughter carries over to you, and you’re reminded of your reason for being here in the first place. Upon offering your full attention to the table now, no longer distracted by Pierre, you’re met with 4 different pairs of eyes on you. Warm, yellow light illuminates the area, the classy overhead fixture emitting a soft glow to cast down on the guests beautifully. It’s cozy and inviting, just like you had intended it to be, and the sight makes you happy.

As you quickly scan over each of the girls, your brain pieces together where you know them from.

“My oh my, it’s Blackpink themselves. To what do I owe this honor?” All of the natural charisma that you possess takes over now, doing its best to override your nerves. It’s definitely not the time to fangirl over them; you have to act cool. One by one, you shake their hands, making sure to give each of them a glimpse of your award winning smile.

Jennie is the first to speak up. “Yourself, of course. You’re the talk of the town, Y/N, how could we miss this?” The way that she says it so casually, already skipping past the formalities, puts you at ease.

“Ah, you’re too kind. Was your food prepared to your liking?”

A chorus of approving noises leaves the table, successfully boosting your confidence in the process. “It was truly incredible, Y/N.” Rosé gushes, her adorable accent adding something magical to the simple phrase. For the first time tonight, your mind goes blank; ever since news broke of your plans for this new restaurant, you practiced to avoid this very thing. As you stand there floundering for a beat, she takes notice of the effect that her words have on you; it doesn’t take long for her to realize how much she loves to make you blush.

“Thank you so much. We’re so glad to have you here tonight.”

“We’re happy to be here! Rosé hasn’t stopped talking about it for the past week.” The Australian’s eyes go wide as Lisa exposes her, and she shoots the younger girl a shocked look. Lisa only smirks at this, her shoulders rising and falling in a nonchalant shrug. Jisoo nods in confirmation, adding, “Yeah, she’s been super pumped.”

On the inside, you’re freaking out. Rosé was that excited to try out your creations? There’s no logical explanation for that one. Your own surprise is evident in your voice as you respond, “Oh really now? And why’s that?”

“I-I’ve just heard a lot of great things, you know? You’re pretty talented.” She tries to sound confident, but the stutter in her voice betrays her. The tips of her ears are burning with embarrassment, and after sending her yet another smile, you decide to spare her by changing the topic.

“Well thank you, again. It’s truly a privilege to cook for you girls.” The conversation continues from there, effortlessly moving from subject to subject, and you love how welcome they make you feel. Occasionally you excuse yourself to check on the other guests and ensure that they’re enjoying their dinner, and every time, Rosé finds herself sorely missing your presence. Despite only officially meeting tonight, she feels like she’s known you her whole life. The two of you clicked instantly, and she can’t seem to get enough of you.

After spending the better part of 2 hours chatting and getting to know one another better, you grow bold and ask the question that’s been rolling around in your head all night.

“Would you guys like to come back to the kitchen for a bit? I could give you some tips and we could make a couple dishes, if you want.”

Rosé nearly interrupts you from how eager she is to accept the offer. The second that you’re done asking, she’s already saying yes. The others happily agree as well, and soon you’re leading them to the back to get prepped.

_________

“Just like this, everyone. Cut thinly here,” you inform, using your knife to point to the areas in question, “...then turn it and follow through with the slices. It should come out diced, like so.” The girls observed your swift motions, peeking over at the small cubes once you’re finished. Things continue on like this for a while, and soon you’re halfway done with the veggies while they’re barely done with the first part of their batches.

“Slow down, Y/N! You’re too fast for us grandmas.” Jisoo jests, her voice bouncy with amusement.

“Okay, okay! I’ll wait, just let me know if you need help.” Your knife comes to rest against the cutting board, and you take the opportunity to lean back against the countertop to watch them work. Your eyes trail over to Rosé, only to find her already looking at you; she tenses once she realizes she’s been caught, and she returns to her previous duties. You decide to tease her.

“Everything alright, Rosé? You seem a little distracted…” She momentarily shuts her eyes at your words, trying to refocus her thoughts and collect herself. A subtle snicker from Lisa can be heard, and Rosé delivers a quick jab to her arm. The maknae lets out a little “oww” before setting her things down to rub away the newfound soreness of her arm.

A little later, Jennie requests some assistance, prompting you to make your way over to her. The station that she’s working at just so happens to be next to Rosé’s, and you’d be lying if you said that didn’t thrill you.

“Do we peel this first or leave it on?”

“Cut the ends first, then slice it in half and remove the outer layer.”

Under your watchful eye, she follows your instructions and is soon back on track. She thanks you, and you bring your hand up to give her a pat on the back. Although she feels childish for it, the action works to make Rosé the tiniest bit jealous; she wants your attention on her.

The blonde clears her throat before speaking up. “Y/N, I need a little help, too.” Your heart jumps at her words, and you fight hard to keep yourself in check as you spin around to face her.

“Of course, Rosé.” She sighs at the way her name rolls off your tongue, and she’s completely convinced that you’ve secretly put her under some type of spell. Her thoughts of you and your mysterious ways are interrupted when you come to stand next to her, your hip lightly brushing against hers.

“Oh, well there’s your problem: you’re holding the knife wrong. Here,” you start, reaching out to reposition her hand in a better spot. Now she’ll be able to control it better, and she won’t run the risk of cutting herself.

“Better?” You ask innocently, missing the way that she bites her lip. The close proximity of your bodies is making her head spin, and she can’t decide if she wants you to stay or go. “Yes, thank you.” She looks like she wants to say something else, but she doesn’t, so you take that as your cue to go check on the other girls. Rosé silently curses herself for missing that golden opportunity to flirt with you, but she takes solace in the fact that she catches you stealing glances her way fairly often. You feel the connection too, and she’s pleased with that -- maybe she was doing something right after all.

The next stint of the night is spent preparing and cooking the dishes you promised them while trading jokes, banter, and teasing remarks. A mini food fight also took place, but for the sake of professionalism you won’t mention that. You couldn’t have asked for a more perfect day.

----

“Goodnight girls. I hope you come by again sometime soon!”

They all assure you that they’ll be back before you know it, and you believe them. After all, they gobbled those dishes down like they hadn’t eaten in days -- it’s safe to say that they enjoyed them.

Rosé lingers in the doorway, eyeing you as you work to clean off the counter. She doesn’t want to go; she’s loved getting to hang out with you. Contemplating her options, she decides to be brave; she tells the girls to go on ahead, that she’ll be there in a minute.

“Rosé, did you forget something?” You ask, looking up at her as you reach forward to wipe any remaining debris off the sleek surface.

“Yeah, your number.” Somehow, she possesses all the confidence in the world now, her new demeanor completely opposite to its previously shy counterpart.

You tilt your head at her, a dumbfounded smile parting your lips ever so slightly. “Bold, are we? Alright, I’ll bite.” You say, holding a hand out for her to give you her phone. Her eyes widen a bit -- was she not expecting you to say yes? There’s no way you could turn down a chance like this. She fumbles around in her bag until the smooth screen of her phone comes into contact with her fingers, letting her know she’s found it.

“Here you go,” she chuckles cutely, an adorable little pattern of blush rising to her cheeks again.

After entering your number, making sure to save the contact and even take a goofy picture of yourself for it, you give it back to her. “Call me anytime, love.” Her smile spreads even farther at the pet name, and she ducks her head to hide her reddening cheeks.

As she slowly approaches the door, walking backwards, she says, “I will… love,” offering you a little awkward salute at the end of it. You giggle at her antics, and soon bid her goodnight.

No more than 5 minutes later, your phone dings as it displays a notification from an unknown number.

“I’m usually not that awkward 🤦‍♀️ pretty girls just make me nervous.” The message makes your heart flutter, and you quickly save her number to your contacts.

“Really? We have yet another thing in common, then.”

The girls watch as Rosé does a little victory dance in her seat, her movements a bit limited by the belt stretched across her body. She’s practically glowing with excitement, her fingers already firing off another reply.

________

3 Years Later -- Rome, Italy

Upon seeing Rosé saunter down the aisle, your emotions get the jump on you; before you can stop them, tears flow freely down your face, and you bring a hand up to your mouth to quiet yourself. She looks bruisingly beautiful: the natural curves of her body are accentuated by the silky material of her dress, and her shoulders are covered in lace. An angel cast down from the heavens above.

She smiles at the audience that’s filled with your close friends and family, offering little greetings as she passes them. Once she and her father make it to the altar, he pulls you in for a big hug, a few tears escaping his eyes. After he takes a step back, he looks between the two of you with pure pride on his face, his hand resting on your shoulder.

The song ends, signalling for the two of you to join hands and face each other, and he returns to his seat.

“We’re gathered here today to celebrate the joyous union of Y/N L/N and Roseanne Park. Two souls destined to find their way to one another, travelling millions of miles in the process. We come together to revel in this fact and send them into their new life together with all of our support.” The officiator says into the microphone, smiling at the two of you. You can tell he loves his job, and he’s damn good at it.

Rosé’s grip on your hand tightens as she tries to contain her tears, but you’re quick to assure her that it’s alright. “You can cry, baby.” At your words, her lip is released from between her teeth, and her tears begin to flow. You wipe them away, stepping closer to rest your forehead against hers.

The ceremony continues on and the two of you recite the personal vows you wrote. Somehow, unbeknownst to you, there doesn’t seem to be a limit to how much you can cry in one sitting. Rosé is having the same problem, seeing as how her makeup is smudging some as the tears wash the substances away. You don’t care though, and you make it a point to remind her of that; she’s never looked more beautiful to you.

“I do.” You choke out, beaming at her as you run your thumb across her knuckles.

“I do.” She responds, impatiently bouncing on the balls of her feet as she waits for those final words from the officiator.

“You may now kiss the bride.”

Her lips are on yours before he even finishes the phrase, her hand resting on the back of your neck as she pulls you in closer. Your lips move with hers in perfect time, working to seal your union in the best way possible. “I love you, forever,” she whispers against your lips.

____

Present Day, 1:17 AM

In order to spare you from the overwhelming sadness that you’re being subjected to now, your brain takes you back to those happy times from the past. When Rosé still made time for you; when she loved you.

Even though you hate it, you still find her in everything. The bright sunshine of the early morning reminds you of all the times she would wake you up with kisses, holding you close. The songbirds outside of your window bring to mind when you’d come home to find her at the piano, alternating between striking the keys and strumming her guitar as her beautiful voice carried out across the house.

You miss that Rosé, so, so much. The Rosé that would call you in between sessions at the studio, if only for 5 minutes. The Rosé that longed to hear your voice after a long day; who fell into your arms the second that she shuffled through the door after practice.

As time has passed, though, she’s seemed to fade more and more from your life; missed calls and texts have become a given, and it takes everything in you to mask your sorrow. Anyone who knows you well at all can easily see through the facade: you’re now a shell of who you once were, your normally vibrant and cheery self gone. You attempt to hide your sadness behind a smile, but it never really works out; your eyes don’t shine like they used to, and your lips don’t quite tweak up at the corners in the special way they had before.

But you’re getting ahead of yourself again. Your reason for crying tonight is simple: for the hundredth time this month, she’s cancelled your date night plans, opting to spend the time working instead. The argument that the two of you had earlier replays in your mind:

"I don't have a choice."

Except, she did. She could choose you, choose to take a break, if only for the evening. You never ask too much of her, knowing that she can't handle even more stress competing with what she already has from the company and media. Being an idol is hard enough, and you know you can never fully wrap your head around everything that's expected of her.

Though, that makes this all the more ridiculous. All you've asked for is a couple hours of her time -- for her to relax with you and get away from it all. Earlier that day you had gone to the store and picked up all the necessary materials to treat her to a little spa day, complete with bath and body oils, face masks, and even some bath bombs.

"Asking my wife to spend an evening with me is not unreasonable, Rosé."

"I'm not having this argument again, Y/N. I get enough shit from everyone else; I don't need any extra from you."

Maybe it was something in how she said it, so final and hateful, her face coming to rest in a scowl. Her arms were crossed as she stood in front of you, and you could see the muscles in her jaw clench and release repeatedly. In some twisted way, part of you was glad to have this encounter; it hurt like hell, but at least she was paying attention to you. She hadn't looked at you for this long in a while.

Before you can even get another word out, she sighs, saying, "I don't have time for this. I have to go back to the studio."

Just as she turns to go, you catch her wrist. With a slightly annoyed look, she turns to face you.

"If you walk out that door then I'm leaving; at least for the night. We need to talk about this, but if you don't care enough to even give me that, then…" you trail off, tilting your head slightly. You want her to apologize, to say how wrong she's been for doing all of this to you -- but she doesn't. Her expression is tired, irritation written plainly for you to see. She pulls her arm away, offering a petty, "Oh well," with a shrug before exiting the house.

How could she be so cold? Maybe that's what hurt the most. Seeing the love of your life turn into someone completely different than who you fell for stung more than any argument ever could. The reality is that she's not the same person anymore. Accepting that would be half of the battle in and of itself.

Your heart is betraying itself, stuck in a sticky situation: you're constantly struggling between your love for her and the respect you hold for yourself. Half of you wants to stay, to make her listen and fight for this; but the other half of you, perhaps the more rational side, knows that that won't work now. You've tried that already, you reason with yourself, racking your brain for any new way to get through to her.

Sometimes it's like she forgets all of the sacrifices you make for the relationship. Despite having your own busy schedule to deal with, you always make time for her. So why could she never do the same for you?

It's obvious that in its current state, this relationship is only wrecking your mental health -- a testament to that is every night you've spent lying awake, sobbing into your pillow as your list of insecurities grows longer and longer. She used to be the person you'd run to when negative thoughts plagued your mind, her sweet words of love showing how much she valued you. But all of that's gone now, leaving you with a shattered heart and racing mind. When had you stopped being enough?

~~~~~~~

It’s late, well past 4AM when Rosé manages to make it home. Practice absolutely wrecked her today, leaving her body exhausted from dancing and throat sore from all the singing she had to do. She’s more than ready to collapse into bed and pass out.

One thing that always stayed the same was your sleeping arrangement. No matter how much Rosé hurt you, you still slept in the same bed. Her subconscious was always kinder to you than she was, anyway; the two of you would cuddle in close like before, her arms wrapped around you as she slept peacefully. No arguments or yelling, you could always count on the nights to heal your heart a little bit.

As she enters the empty bedroom, the memory of your argument from earlier that day comes flooding back. She remembers that you said you were leaving, but part of her didn't fully believe you. She should've known better -- you always keep your word. Guilt washes over her, and she gently taps her head against the wall as a sort of self-punishment for her previous actions. Why did she say that to you? The hurt look in your eyes broke her heart, but she couldn’t afford to skip practice, especially with the comeback quickly approaching. In retrospect, she should’ve just told you that she didn’t feel prepared, and that’s why this practice had been so important. Even though she doesn’t show it, you still mean the world to her. She just so happens to be her own worst enemy.

With a heavy sigh, she makes her way to the bathroom; there she finds a cute little basket of goodies next to the tub, and a note on the counter of the sink. She approaches the basket first, quickly discovering that it holds some of her favorite self-care items from the local store. Yet again, a deep pang of guilt courses through her upon realizing that you had prepared that for her. Defeated, she picks up the note.

Roseanne,

If you’re reading this, then I’ve already left. I don’t want you to worry, if you even still care enough to do that, so I decided to leave this letter for you. I’ll be staying with my friend for the next while. I don’t know how long, but that depends entirely on you. I’ve tried to communicate with you, but we’re getting nowhere; we both know it. We’re not who we used to be, Rosé, and I hate that. I want us to be happy again, but it seems that I can’t do that for you. If you want to end things, let me know.

- Y/N

Rosé’s heart is breaking, splintering into a million different pieces and leaving her with no possible way to collect them all. How had she so royally fucked this up? She only has herself to blame, and she knows that; she can’t believe that she let things get like this. She had been so blinded by the stress that she lost sight of the most important thing in her life: you. It’s slowly sinking in that she very well might lose you for good this time, and she doesn’t know how to cope with that. She can survive without her career, but she knows she can’t go on without you.

----- La Rêverie, 2 Weeks Later -----

She only intended to walk by -- to see if you were there and safe. But as she gazes through the windows, peeking into the place that houses so many of her dearest memories, she’s transfixed. Her eyes land on you, finding you hard at work in the kitchen. It’s always been where you go when you’re stressed or upset about something -- two things that Rosé knows she’s the cause of.

You’re in your element, face donning a look of pure concentration as you prepare what she assumes is a new dish. Your hair’s in a bun, a few strands coming down to fall around your face as you move about. Gravity takes its time in gently coaxing them out of the tie's hold, and Rosé’s breath hitches at how beautiful you look; it’s as if she’s falling for you all over again. She’s always admired your skills, but they hold a whole new meaning now, an unspoken tension in every movement you make.

How had she been so selfish? You had been there for her all along, waiting patiently for the day that she would come to her senses. You would always have dinner ready -- usually one of her favorites, hoping that would spark something again -- but she always brushed you off. She never stayed long enough to see the crushed look on your face, or how the pain was becoming clearer and clearer by the day. She realizes now just how much of a toll her actions have taken on the both of you; you're still just as breathtaking as ever to her, but that special sparkle in your eye has long been eclipsed by something more dull. You're tired of being let down repeatedly, stuck in a constant loop of excuses and avoidance, and Rosé can't blame you for a second.

The time apart hasn't been kind to her at all; there hasn't been a single day that's gone by where you haven't consumed her thoughts. She misses you so badly it hurts, and even now, despite being so close to you, separated only by the walls of the restaurant, you've never been further away.

The distant sound of a car alarm cuts through the silence, simultaneously scaring her and drawing your attention. Before you can spot her, she ducks down; there’s no way that she can face you yet. Taking this as a sign, she decides to leave.

She’s spent the past 2 weeks attempting to spare you by not coming around; she thinks you need time away from her to deal with everything she’s put you through, and she doesn’t want to upset you anymore than she already has. Ever-torn, part of you is glad that she’s stayed away; however, another part of you just wants to see her again. You miss the nights more than you thought you would.

--- A Few Days Later ---

Steady sheets of rain pound harshly against the window, vibrating the latches with each gust of wind. Times like these are always the worst, especially when you don’t have Rosé to calm you down. Violent thunderstorms never fail to frighten you, and this one in particular seems like it’ll be the worst one of the season. Swiftly padding over to the window, you sneak a quick peek outside, only to find the branches of the large oak tree that occupies the yard swaying in the wind with reckless abandon. The sight terrifies you, but you do your best to keep yourself from panicking, even having to do some breathing exercises. Your friend can sleep through anything, and you know she needs the rest; so, you stay in the spare bedroom that she’s so graciously allowing you to reside in, and lie awake.

Across the city, Rosé is tossing and turning. The storm hasn’t fully reached its peak there yet, but she knows how worried you must be. Tears spring to her eyes at the thought of you huddled up under the covers, body trembling in fear as the storm rages on. The deep-rooted shame that she’s grown so accustomed to since you left plagues her conscience, making her even more disgusted with herself.

After turning over yet again, her eyes land on the picture she has of the two of you propped up on the nightstand. It was taken on your wedding day, that stunning view of the venue paling in comparison to your beauty. A sense of determination washes over her -- determination to make you that happy again someday, in whatever way she can -- and she gets out of bed to collect a few materials. She’ll do whatever it takes.

----

The sound of a car door slamming perks your ears up, and your curiosity gets the better of you. Quickly pulling the curtain back, you’re beyond shocked to see Rosé out there, holding something in her hand. Just as you lean in closer to the window to try and see what it is, her caller ID pops up on your phone.

“Come downstairs, please.”

Even with the vast array of emotions coursing through you at the moment, you’re only focused on getting her inside and out of harm’s way.

You nearly knock the door off its hinges with how quickly you snap it open. To your surprise, she’s still standing by her car, but now you can see what she was holding before; a white sign with black writing on it. The words are barely legible with how much it's raining, the dye of the marker horribly smudged, but you can make out: “I’m sorry! I’m an idiot.” It’s like something out of romantic drama.

Before you can even comment on everything that’s happening, Rosé begins the speech that she’s been trying to piece together ever since you left.

She has to raise her voice so you can hear her over the storm. You wonder why she doesn’t just come in, but you think that maybe she’s doing it to show you that she’s willing to punish herself by standing out in the elements. “No words that I say will ever be able to fix the pain that my actions caused. You don’t deserve any of the shit I put you through, and I hate myself for being such a coward. I was too immature to look past my own struggles and just talk to you about them.”

Now, she takes a few cautious steps towards the front door, testing the waters as she scans your face to gauge how you’re feeling. “I guess I just thought I could deal with it like I always do. But losing you showed me how wrong I was; I love you so much, Y/N. I don’t want to end things; I’ll never want that. You’re my world, baby; I’m so sorry that it took me this long to see what was right in front of me.”

How are you to respond to that? Can you trust her? She looks more sincere in this moment than she has in a long time, and that puts you a little more at ease. Her eyes are begging -- pleading -- with you to believe her, and after a moment you step to the side, wordlessly telling her to come in. You don’t even realize that you’re crying until a few stray tears drip onto your shirt, leaving little marks in their wake. She has to restrain herself from reaching out and wiping them away; she has no idea when -- or if -- you’ll be able to forgive her.

Soft pitter-patter of the water running off of her coat echoes lightly across the foyer, serving as white noise for the conversation you’re having. Her sniffles work in tandem with it, and she bites back her sobs in order to get the words out.

“I know this won’t be fixed overnight, but I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, if you’ll let me. I won’t blame you for a second if you can’t forgive me, either. I just couldn’t let you get away without a fight.”

With each new fresh batch of tears that settle in your eyes, you have to work twice as hard to blink them away. “I-I don’t know what to say, Rose. You’re the only person in this world capable of hurting me that badly, because you mean more to me than anyone else. But I never thought you’d treat me like that. Do you know how many times I doubted myself, thinking I did something wrong?” Your tone is bitter now, voice conveying the pain from those months of anguish that you had to endure, and Rosé hangs her head.

“I know that now, Y/N, and I know that I can never take it back. But God, how I wish I could. I’d do anything in my power to take that pain away. It was never your fault; none of it was.”

You know she’s being honest. After seeing the opposite for so long, it’s easy to spot when she’s telling the truth. You nod a couple times, deciding to pull her in for a long-overdue hug. She’s motionless at first, not quite knowing if you want her to return it or not, but the second that you quietly say, “Hold me, Rosé,” she’s scooping you up in her arms like her life depends on it. Her head rests in the crook of your neck, and the two of you cry together, letting all of the pent up frustration and sadness leave your bodies.

After standing there, embracing one another for who knows how long, she pulls away just enough to look into your eyes. Her gaze subtly falls to your lips, but you don’t fail to notice. “Can I?” She asks gently, raising her eyes back up to yours. “Yes.” You utter, nearly swooning as her soft lips brush against your own. You’ve missed them.

Her chilled hands cup your cheeks with purpose, and you can feel water running off the ends of her hair and onto your chest.

She kisses you in such a poetic way: softly, as if you might break at any moment, but urgently, like a lost soldier finally returning to the arms of their lover. She wants to make you feel how sorry she is, how much she loves you, and this seems like the perfect place to start.

“I love you, jerk,” you say through your tears, brushing your thumb along her cheek as you look into her eyes.

“And I love you, angel.” She picks you up, spinning you around a couple of times before setting you back down on your feet.

After a moment, you glace at the window. “Shhhh, wait. Do you hear that?”

She cocks her head to the side as she listens closely for any potential noise that you might be talking about, but she hears nothing. “No? I don’t hear anything…”

“Exactly; the rain stopped.”

“Huh. I guess it did its job, then.” She smiles, silently thanking the universe for working in its wonderful ways. It brought the two of you back to one another, and neither of you can contain your happiness. Maybe you don’t hate storms as much after all...

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