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monarchofthequeerpotatoes · 8 days

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out of context @beanthebugboi quotes because they're very funny

(other friends we have for context are d (she/her) sd (they/it/he/she) and s (she/her))

(quotes that aren't signed were bean because this post was supposed to be about them before i started copy and pasting an entire document full of quotes. i dont take credit for any of this apart from stuff i said i just think its funny)

"i was going for "rotisserie chicken" and ended up closer to "roadkill""

"hell yeah i have a rice krispie spine"

"would you recognise my hands if they weren't full of bird?"

“I just found out that vegetables don’t exist, reality is crumbling, YOU EXPECT ME TO BE POSITIVE??” “Bean, Bean, Bean, Bear Grylls should have taught you by now, the three rules to survival are: positivity, positivity, positivity. How else will we survive in this crumbling, vegetable-less universe?”- @sarkylittlemonster

“….y’know I was just doing an impression of Hooty singing Wii music when….”

“For the last time, it is NOT cannibalism”

“AWWWW I love thatttttt it is absolutely perfect” “Ah yes beqn >:]” -D “I am going to hold your imaginary pet peacocks hostage”

“I saw it in your bass music” (in a dream that @forest-fairy-wren had)

“Do you have a lot in common with a pine cone?”

“GHOSTBUSTERS” "THOSE BUSTARDS” - @sarkylittlemonster

“Yay for not getting stabbed”

“How dare you insult my deep-fried root vegetables” “HA, vegetables don’t exist, and neither does taste, it appears” - @sarkylittlemonster “IT IS TOO DAMN EARLY FOR THIS” “IT’S TOO DAMN EARLY FOR ONION RINGS BUT THAT DIDN’T STOP YOU DID IT” - @sarkylittlemonster

“I’m so honoured I just choked on my own spit”

“Oh you play violin, that’s so cool!”- @sarkylittlemonster “*Screams in violist*”

“Good morning, fbi's most and least wanted! How are we all today? :D” - @forest-fairy-wren “…I need to know who’s who lol. Am I most wanted or least wanted” “You're probably right in the middle :D” - @forest-fairy-wren

“Why the heck are you talking like that :)” “Whatever do you mean? I have always talked in this manner” - @forest-fairy-wren “THOU MUST NOT ASKETH QUESTIONS CONCERNING OUR WAY OF SPEAK.” - s “…Alright I shall not asketh.”

“Please close your balls of sight and rest.” - @forest-fairy-wren “D o n o t c a l l e y e s t h a t e v e r a g a i n” “Very well I shall call them seeing orbs instead.” - @forest-fairy-wren “Yeah that works”

“I- she’s so pretty. So flippin majestic. *gay screaming*”

“I have no idea what conversation i just walked into but it seems interesting :)” “Whale reproductive organ size debate” - S

“Sleep is cool, Bean! It's like a free trial of death :D” - @forest-fairy-wren “Mhm really selling it there lol”

“OMFG GUYS I was listening to Will Wood (as one does, when one is trying to get through a stupid math project) and just as 6up 5oh Cop-Out started, an ambulance passed, and the siren went perfectly with the music nsafjhdsklfhdakshfg I literally had to pause the music because I was like “wait why does the siren bit sound different”

“Oh I’m sorry let me just-” *becomes ilikemenderman*

“...so his tongue is a breadstick revolver?”

“Hi, I’m back, also what the fuck”

“Is that the same as t4t but with cannibalism?”

“You’re averaging 120 children per wife lmao” “Who are you to judge, cannibal”- @sarkylittlemonster “If they were sour, you'd probably eat them :(“ - @forest-fairy-wren

“Witchcraft is talking* to my sage plant so it’ll be better at getting rid of bad vibes)” “*nicely, not the way Crowley does” “Well, you’ll never become Crowly at this rate, BUCK UP AND THREATEN THEM” - @sarkylittlemonster “Witch duties take precedence over gender envy rn. I refuse to put any negativity in my sage plant 😤”

“Wedding?”-S “For the last time S I am NOT marrying Ronaldo” “I- lol, what?” -D “Yesterday, when Uni and Wren decided to have a double wedding with Vox and Akira, S decided to make it a triple wedding and tried to marry me off to Christiano Ronaldo. I hissed at her, passive-aggressively played a country song about a girl and her bestie murdering her husband, and then ran away to live in the woods and become Squirrel Girl”

“……so I have to marry a football guy, an evil capitalist TV screen, and someone’s cat-eared OC???” “Sounds like a Tuesday”-me

“Is Ronaldo in hell?” “I’m the one who sent him there” -S

“...are you a writer or a serial killer” “I am a professional multitasker” -S

“Guys I was NOT DROWNING ANYONE”

“Star why are you lobotomizing pencils”

“Rt54re4” (his cat)

“I have literally zero flirting skills, I cry when I get mad, and sometimes I sit on the kitchen floor in the middle of the night eating sliced cheese out of the packet. I am the opposite of simp-able”

“Fear not sib, for I am thick-skulled. Also I think it's currently Uni's turn with The Sanity so dw I didn't damage it.”

“Y'all I think I resurrected a fish yesterday. Also there are sooo many Hamilton songs stuck in my head rn (again), and I really really really want some chocolate rocks.”

“*scurries away with a slightly larger number of bones than the average human*”

“I just want to point out thstI sond a my bones, they wrre not stolen :D” - @forest-fairy-wren “I think Weeb is having a stronk”

“…I may or may not have just consumed a dead gnat.”

“I'm dysphoric AND disabled, Body is my comfort song”

“nOPE no no fuck no I will kick you in the kidneys” -Bean “Not my crunchy kidneys :(“ - @sarkylittlemonster “What.” - @forest-fairy-wren

“Anyway, gonna go stick the lil fella in the microwave, brb :D”

“Every uterus should come with a free lavender-scented microwavable plushie”

“The goop is indeed goopy”

#iris ✮⋆˙#bp2

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koiyan-hades-kid-with-a-system · 5 months

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Camp/Underworld Quotes #5

Koiyan, running the Blood Bank and cooking for the Dionysus kids: Why am I mothering kids that are not my own head-mates?

Shadow, from the headspace: Mommy issues.

Koiyan: Gods damn it why must you be right Shadow-

Zagreus: Are you drinking enough water?

Koiyan: Sometimes my tears get in my mouth.

Zagreus: Nope, we're going to the fountain chambers and make you drink actual water.

Cyrilla: All the sudden I got a random burst of energy, and I think it's my body's last hurrah before it completely shuts down.

Koiyan: Being smart has never stopped me from being a complete fucking idiot.

Cyrilla: If I die, you can have what little I own.

Koiyan: Wait. What do you mean "if" you die?

Cyrilla: My unending existence is fuelled by pure spite, that of which the painful experiences of life have rendered me full.

Koiyan:

Koiyan: *Sighs* Let me call your therapist again.

(Honestly it could be flipped as well)

Koiyan, having just switched back to front for the first time in months: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.

Cyrilla, used to Koiyan being dumb after switching: Sure...

Koiyan: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.

Cyrilla: Okay?

Koiyan: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.

Cyrilla:

Koiyan: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-

Cyrilla: Jesus, that one is a little-

Cory, interested: No, no, Koiyan, keep going.

Zagreus: You spent all our money on THIS??

Koiyan, putting tiny raincoats on ducklings: They live outside. They need this.

Zagreus: Lucifer is fronting isn't he?

Koiyan: Yes.

Koiyan: I told Thanatos that their ears turn red when they lie.

Cyrilla: Do they?

Koiyan: No.

Cyrilla: Then why did you tell them that?

Koiyan: Because I can do this.

Koiyan: Hey Thanatos! Do you love us?

Thanatos, with their hands over their ears: No.

Zagreus, coming in late: Sorry I was late, I was doing stuff.

Thanatos: I was stuff.

Koiyan, Zagreus, and Cory: What’s up? I’m back.

Cyrilla: I literally saw you die. You died. You were dead

Revival trio: Death is a social construct.

Cyrilla, holding up their class notes: And then this doodle of a burrito because when I first read Aristotle, I thought it was pronounced like “Chipotle”.

Cyrilla, in shock: Wait a minute, is it “Chip-o-tottle”?

Koiyan: Slash gamemode creative.

Cyrilla: Dude, this isn't Min-

Koiyan: *starts levitating*

#pjo #percy pjo #hades pjo #percy jackon and the olympians #percyjackson #cabin 13 #pjo oc #did alter #did system #zagreus #thanatos #emo boyfriends are canon #incorrect quotes

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dollarbin · 1 year

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Dollar Bin #4:

Emmylou Harris's Angel Band

I visited four different Iowa record stores while dropping my second born off at college last week and I have much to report.

Yes, there are at least four record stores in the state. The mystery is how they stay open.

Emerson, Lake and Palmer records are deemed worthy of plastic protection in Iowa, and $25 Yes records come with handwritten stickers that say things like "Side 1 Skips!" followed by a frownie face. These stores are convinced - convinced! - that newly printed Guns and Roses records deserve places of high honor up on the wall and that Jerry Jeff Walker belongs in folk rock. After all, the Country section is behind a wall of dangling beads and George Jones fills an entire crate.

A rotund, nose-ringed salesdude nods when you enter, drops the store's diamond needle on Bad to the Bone, then ambles over to offer you a tour "of their whole set up" while bragging about the minty, clear vinyl, limited edition Blink 52 record they just scored for $75 even though it's worth $300, easy.

I was happy for the dude, I really was, but I shook them off, strode past a pickle barrel of still cellophaned tapes (4 for $5!) and found that their Neil Young section was - I swear to god - entirely empty.

Is that even legal? I mean can you really own a record store and not have a single Neil Young record? And how, you ask, are such stores even in business?

I'll tell you how: at one of them I found, after 30 years of earnest hunting, my first ever copy of Henry the Human Fly (it was an original Reprise print no less, and even though I could really give a flying turd about such things - this is the Dollar Bin after all, not Nathan's VGG++ Nerd World - I was still pretty damn fired up and almost hugged the salesdude). Anyway, I snapped up that little blue number for the very non-Dollar Bin price of 37 bucks, thereby keeping that store in business long enough for them to blast George Thorogood for another glorious day. B-B-B-B-Bad!

All kidding aside, the people of Iowa are amazing. At stop signs drivers wave to one another! Please pack up all spare copies of your favorite records, drive to Iowa, and donate them to those lovely people.

I don't know about you, but every time I enter a new record store for the first time I head straight to Young, Neil and start judging the place. I don't really expect to find anything by Neil that I don't already have - but please, God, please help me find a copy of Ragged Glory someday, and please make it cost less than $50; I don't ask for too much God but this one favor I do of you most humbly implore - but Neil's section is an easy and effective way to find out if the store is worth my time. Or yours.

If there's nothing to be found other than a $22 copy of Comes a Time, or even worse, nothing but an already dusty, year-old copy of Noise and Flowers for $65, I know I'm better off at Chili's eating a bloomin onion alone; if they have nothing but copy after copy of Re-ac-tor, Time Fades Away and Journey Through the Past, I stay open minded - maybe ten minutes earlier they sold a crunchy old copy of On The Beach; and if they have Old Ways or Trans for $8-10 it's time to get excited and explore the store.

Stop #2 for me in any new record store is always Emmylou Harris. I submit for your consideration the following thesis: a good record store should have on stock most, if not all, of her records between Gliding Bird (1970) and Bluebird (89). We're talking about something like 15 titles between those bookends, and all of them should be in any good record store for under 8 bucks a piece.

Don't get me wrong: these records should not be cheap given their quality. I am hear to tell you that Emmylou Harris does not make bad, or even mediocre records. Like Paul Simon (well, there is Songs from The Capeman...), she only releases good albums. The same cannot be said for Neil or Bob, though I love them dearly. I defy even my famous brother to find an argument for Down in the Groove or The Monsanto Years.

(For those at home taking notes: I did indeed make the statement in an earlier post that Neil can do no wrong. I stand by that statement! Dylan and Young alike put out crap intentionally. It's what genius's do, people! Come to think of it, that's why some (maybe all!) of my posts are gonna suck. Neil, Bob and I are simply shaking off any fair weather fans.)

But back to Emmylou: why, you ask, should every record store worth its salt have all her records cheaply in stock?

Consider:

A) between 75 and 89 she put out a record a year, all of them good, and sold them consistently to my mother and all my mother's friends and all my mother's friends' friends and... you get the idea: that's a lot of records;

B) all those women have, since they made those purchases, got a life. Unlike me. They don't need their records anymore and they've told their loser sons to put down their bongs and go out and do something with all their old vinyl in the hopes that the sons will learn entrepreneurship and decency in the process. Those loser sons have, in turn, not ignored their mother and listened to the Emmylou Harris records (like they should have!) but instead taken them to their local Treasured Vinyl and exchanged them for autographed copies of Roll the Bones, or some other comparable crap;

C) unlike her friend Dolly Parton, Emmylou has no amusement park to call home, nor any lifetime movies made in her honor; and, finally,

D) unlike Fleetwood Mac, no boyband applicant on a skateboard drinking juice has destroyed the internet with one of her songs as a soundtrack, thereby unleashing hoards of hipster kids to demand of all the local rotund record store dudes copies of Rumors.

Put all that together friends, apply a little supply and demand, and what do you get? Record stores should be full of cheap and outstanding Emmylou Harris records.

So let's focus in on one of my favorites and one that I bet none of you have ever listen to, Angel Band.

There's no getting around it, I have to tell you: Angel Band is a Jesus record.

Don't panic! You haven't been lured in here to be told that He Gets You. Instead, it's time for this entry's second thesis: Angel Band is The Best Jesus Record (by a white person, anyway).

That's right, it's better than Saved, Jesus Was a Capricorn, My Mother's Hymn Book and everything Van the 80's Jesus man ever put out. By far! Indeed, I'd even go so far as to argue that while listening to Angel Band you will forget altogether that the man from Galalee is even involved.

Before I preach the word of Emmylou, let's listen to the opening track.

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I kinda feel like I could just end this entry right here. What can anyone possibly say other than Jesus Christ! The barely there but perfect band creates simple and delicious space around Harris' aching goddess of a voice. If some jerk doctor ever tells me I need to stop drinking beer (dear God, I'm back! Never mind my earnest appeal for Ragged Glory. Rather, God, please avert that hateful beerless future!), then I'm gonna have to listen to this album every day just to calm the hell down.

My prime hobby in life (good news everyone: as of this morning this blog is my day job because, thanks to my famous brother, I now have like 16 followers and surely that means cash money is coming my way, yes? Isn't that how the world wide web works? Siri, where's my paycheck?!) is teaching High School English and History; in that role I teach a four week block each year on The Holy Books.

The class is easy to teach even though I'm not a regular church goer; tell cool teens about Muhammad getting seized by the Angel Gabriel, back that up by showing them that Abraham is everyone's mythical great-grandad and they are all in. But, given the fact that Donald Trump and Samuel Alito continue to exist and threaten all our lives, Jesus is a tough sell to teens. (See that? Right there I'm not shaking off any new fair weather fans; I'm telling any Trump people reading this to go away and stop acting like shitheads.)

I do what I can in my Holy Books course to salvage Christianity: we get to the good stuff within the Sermon on Mount and St. John's Prelude and we separate St. Augustine's hateful nonsense from the essence of Christ. But the turning point, the moment when smart, open-minded kids realize that Jesus is about love without exception, not hate, often comes not through the texts or through my earnest lectures, but instead when I play them them The Stanley Brothers Angel Band or The Louvin Brothers I See A Bridge. No spiritual teaching that leads to such beauty could be altogether with merit, and kids get that.

youtube

Just about any song on Angel Band could win that same argument, including Harris' version of the title track. Covering a song that is perfect to begin with is either a brilliant move (see Dark End of the Street, originally by James Carr, and the versions by Linda Ronstadt and Richard and Linda Thompson), shrugable (Neil Young singing If You Could Read My Mind) or intolerable and gross (Stephen Stills' version of The Loner - I curse thee Stephen Stills!). But as far as I'm concerned Emmylou Harris could cover anything, from Will to Love to Love Shack, and make it great.

So get over your fear of Jesus, dive into your local dollar bin and relax while listening to Angel Band. God, if we are lucky, exists. And she sings just like Emmylou Harris.

#emmylou harris #stephen stills sucks #louvin brothers #Youtube

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islandiis · 1 year

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get to know the mun.

what's your phone wallpaper: my lockscreen is a photo my best friend and I took on a small rowboat in Sweden last summer. My background is a cute photo of my parents from behind, made even more special to me by the fact that my dad is wearing our team's football jersey which has our family's name and our football motto on it :)

last song you listened to: Little Dark Age, MGMT

currently reading: PiKHAL by Alexander Shulgin. I read TiKHAL (the second book) first bc I'm more interested in the subject of the second book!

last movie: Ummmm Ég Man Þig?? or Hlemmur?? OR The Cowboy Bebop movie LMFAOOO I can't remember the last movie I watched tbh I don't do that very often

last show: How To Change Your Mind

what are you wearing right now: the leggings I wear under my fishing trousers (I was fishing lmao), a crop top and a university hoodie

piercings/tattoos?: I have my earlobes pierced and seven tattoos!! They are: - a vegvísir and the date I was told I was cancer free (09.02.17, I got the tattoo the day after lol, it was my very first!) - coordinates - a quote from an anime (which is and always has been a very cringe anime but idgaf it brought me joy at the time and I don't fuck with regrets so. Yeah I have a Voltron tattoo that says 'go, be great'). no regrets - "þetta reddast", an Icelandic phrase which means 'things will work out' which sounds great and happy but is also used in like a fake-positivity, dismissive way. I'm not the best with my own emotions sometimes and I felt like it was funny and fitting bc I expect positivity of myself Always (I'm in therapy now lmao) and that ain't realistic - "ævintýri", the Icelandic word for 'adventure' bc that's what my life is all about <3 - a sun, because in the past few years several people have told me I'm "bright like the sun", "the human embodiment of sunshine", etc. and that's the nicest compliment I've ever gotten. I want to keep that with me always :') - a plane, a (semi) matching tattoo I got with a girl in a hostel I met for one (1) day. I held the door for her and we started talking. It was her first time in Ireland so I bought her a Guinness and taught her the word 'sláinte' - we decided we'd get tattoos to commemorate our meeting and carry a wee bit of one another with us :) she got sláinte tattooed but if I got that I'd get beat up bc I'm from the North so she got sláinte and I got a plane (which she had suggested). Everytime I look at that tattoo I think about her and how grateful I am we met, even just for a day.

glasses/contacts?: I wear glasses most of the time but I have contacts I can wear when I feel like!!

last thing you ate: onion rings lmao

favorite colors: YELLOW YELLOW YELLOW!!! I'm slowly making my life as full of yellow as possible bc it brings me joy :)

current obsession: I'm always obsessed with mushrooms and poisons tbh. mycology and toxicology are my shit. Recently I've also been focusing on one biiig passion of mine - getting more involved in activism and advocating for [redacted bc I know the topic can be triggering/sensitive for some people so I want to be mindful]

do you have a crush right now?: that Hozier song that is like "I fall in love just a little bit every day with someone new" is me bc I love people. I just love people. I'm not in love with people, I just love them - friends, strangers, whatever. But yes I have a crush right now lol I'm just sort of going with the flow and not really acknowledging it bc I'm so free spirited that idk where I want to be right now exactly, so I'm just gonna see how it all goes!!

favorite fictional character: OH DAMN. fuck. I mean, Fannar, my OCs Afthas and Hrafna. My best friend's characters (her Finland for example, UGH I'M OBSESSED). Other than that...?? Lio Fotia is my babygirl (and my cosplay victim <;3)

tagged by: @fangmother

tagging: @frestoniia @offreedom @ anyone else who wants to do it!!!

#out of character.#please be aware that a drugs TW applies for the ''currently reading'' and the ''last show I watched'' just incase you want to look them up!#long post #whehehe #this was a lot of fun

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quicksilverdaisyday · 2 years

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Ya know i was about to do a whole bit on you about how your banner (the thing at the top of the blog is a banner right with the one person with an eyepatch? Im pretty sure thats a banner) i was gonna do a whole bit about how it reminded me of bobs burgers and if you liked burgers so much maybe you should marry them, but then youre literally out her putting that youre a big fan of bobs burgers on the damn description section like ok alright ive been beaten to my own punch, if this was a school function id be left with no choice but to become the spiker, im bringing in the hard liquor to get these irresponsible fucks drunker than a really drunk person i dont know whose the guy from mtv you know the guy, you probably dont actually i mean what are the odds like zero probably. Anyway bobs bazinga burger? Thoughts? I mean i hate burgers ok ive eaten more burgers than youve learned bug facts which if you dont know a lot of bug facts you should because bugs are cool and also terrifying and knowledge is power but long story short ive eaten more burgers than should be legal, like if you ever watch the movie supersize me i did that for two years straight except usually id only eat once a day because i was too poor to eat real food, this is the deep shoe fuck lore ok you might think im going at this from the pity party direction here but i assure you i am not i am merely validating my street cred when it comes to burgers ok i know burgers inside outside and possibly even inside-out. Anyway listen right he makes the bazinga burger, spicy pickles, mustard, smash burger, special ingredient? A healthy topping of pickled red onions and cabbage. Bam. Thats good eatin. If youre a believer in bobs bazinga burger gimme a bazinga back ya know its free youre not misleading nobody, nothing bad is gonna happen thats a shoe fuck guarantee, cmon you gotta say bazinga i dropped the hot and heavy lore on ya the loyal fans they gotta be appeased this is like a weekly thing now ok im like one of those guys the weekly comedy segment guys i get on i do my lines the crowd laughs we probably have a very charismatic instrumentalist who rarely speaks and when he does its about the trombone and everyone is like ah im so fascinated about the history of trombone. Ive got a good friend like that love that man holy shit though i dont care about the trombone but i just love him so much that im gonna listen with a smile anyway. Maybe you got a trombone enthusiast in your life i dont know but if you do ya know listen to them cause ya learn a lotta life lessons from trombone players. Probably cello players too. I mean chances are that theyre multi talented, people who are good at music stuff normally are, ya know its a passion thing, like youre out here doing art i bet youre real passionate about the art i bet you got lots of multi disciplinary shit going on behind the scenes like a regular pablo picasso or something ya know clay sculptures, get yourself a kiln man, id love to do pottery, make some pots, mugs, bowls, lil rabbits and the fucking special moments porcelain figures that everyones grandma owns, like do they just like them are they the pokemon of old people? Or are those beanie babies? My grandma does bells, weirdest shit ive ever seen woman just loves her bells i love you grandma but you dont even ring them ya know, theyre just little bells she doesnt want you to ring them. I dont know man. Anyway right, bazinga burger, from bob, bobs bazinga burger you know that shit would sell like hot cakes give it a consider in your mind space mull it over, hit me with a bazinga you wont regret it or your money back, its free though also. Just for the record.

Jasper.

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gracelaramusings · 6 months

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Day 9: Mellow in Port Barton

Wake up naturally, no alarm, to the sound of crashing waves. Crawl out of bed and sit on the terrace overlooking the beach. Dig out the electric spoon and metal mug to make a Turkish coffee. Boil the water, add a heaping teaspoon full of black gold, complete with cardamom. Sit back and take it all in. Breathe the sea air in deeply. Listen to the sounds all around. Vacation. Heaven.

We make our way out, with a world of restaurant options open to us. What are we in the mood for? Would you believe… onion rings? Damn, they were good. Not a nutritious breakfast I know, but they perfectly hit the spot. I also ordered a vegetable curry to satisfy the “I should also eat something healthy” twinge of guilt, but it seems they didn’t have the ingredients (or needed to start to go shopping to get them) so when they apologized that it would take a long while, my fullness overcame the guilt and we cancelled the order, letting them off the hook.

After breakfast, we wandered a few shops down from the restaurant place to a place that rented mopeds. We heard that there was a waterfall a few kilometers away, so what better way to travel than on our own, wherever we might choose to go.

We made our way to the waterfall entrance. In Philippines, it seems, there is no fear of leaving your helmet with your bike. It will be there when you return! We walked a bit and came across what seemed to be an ad hoc entry, where a family or the state- who knows- accepted a “donation” for entry. Signing in, I wonder to myself, why do they need to know our age?

We walked along the well-kept path some twenty minutes until we reached the waterfall. Not overly crowded but by no means alone, we found a rock where we peeled off our clothes down to our bathing suits and braved the wonderfully cool water. I swam to the falls, and scrambled up to a point where I could lean back and let the water pound my head, then my back and my whole body. At one point the serenity led to a bit of fear— what if a rock was in the pounding water? But I let that fear slide away with the water, and enjoyed the wonderful natural massage.

An adorable group of what appeared to be lifelong friends from Spain arrived, seemingly in their 60’s plus. I thought to myself, what a wonderful place to come with girlfriends!

After we had our fill of falls, we walked back to bike, helmets still there, and started the ride back, this time heading south of Port Barton, to a nice beach we heard about. The paved roads turned rocky, and we eventually found ourselves at a beach where pigs were roaming. Many young people were there, enjoying the pristine white sands and coconut palms.

And for the first time this trip, we heard Hebrew! Finally, Israelis!

We came across the wonderful small groups of Israelis, at least one of whom was finally traveling after months of reserve duty. Our kids' age, we loved talking to them, finding about their travels and their plans, missing our kids, wishing they could be there, too.

A dip in the ocean, a nap on the sand, and we made our way back, returning the moped after a fantastic day of exploration.

We took a bucket shower (this time, not even a drip from the shower head) and put on our evening beach wear for a wander on the beach. This time I was on a mission, looking for grilled fish on the beach, memories of the table after table of the day’s catch on display in Sri Lanka.

While the variety and quantity of Sri Lanka was not here, soon enough, we found a place with a table filled with fish of many sizes, squid and more. We picked out one fish perfectly-sized for two, and waited for it to be cooked to perfection. Rice, soy sauce with fresh calamansi and hot chili pepper- simple and good.

Walking back along the beach to our terraced room, we called it an early night, and fell asleep yet again to crashing waves.

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accio-ambition · 7 years

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This chapter is mostly banter. So enjoy. As always, a million bajillion thanks to @shipsxahoy, @queen-icicle-fandom, @sotheylived, and those crazy kids at @captainswanbigbang. With each new chapter, I get a little sadder that this project is wrapping up and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank them enough.

Summary: Bouncing around with her son for the majority of her life, Emma Swan has told herself she’s happy in the city. It’s where the most camera operating jobs are, and that’s how she makes her money. But when an old friend calls her and asks for her help on a new project in small town Maine, Emma finds herself in a place she’s never been with people she doesn’t know filming a profession she knows nothing about. But when the captain of the ship she’s filming begins taking a keen interest in her and her life, she finds herself wondering whether she might just catch something other than fish. Deadliest Catch AU Rating: M Content warning: Character death, some violent situations

FFnet/Ao3/Cover/Snapshots/Gifset/Manip

Chapter Eighteen

“We’re not getting another ship.” Killian slides onto the bench across from her at Granny’s, nabbing an onion ring as he scoots by her plate.

“What?” she asks, confused about both the statement and the idea that he thinks she won’t mind him stealing her onion rings. Rotating her plate so her rings are closest to her side of the table, Emma repeats herself. “What do you mean, you’re not getting another ship?”

He shrugs. Somehow, the action conveys sass. “What part don’t you understand, Swan? ‘We’ refers to my brother and I. ‘Are not’ means - ”

“I mean why aren’t you guys getting a new ship?” she interrupts, glaring at him. “You said you were looking into it before the Jewel sunk. Why stop looking now that it has?”

Glancing anywhere but at her, Killian explains, “There’s nothing out in the market right now that’s what Liam’s looking for. I think he wants to try and salvage the Jewel, build it up again from scratch and make some changes.”

“How long would that take?” she asks, ticking her head to the side.

“It’s anybody’s guess,” Killian says as Ruby comes up to their table with a smile on her face, asking Killian if he needs anything. He orders a cup of coffee, more out of kindness than necessity or desire. Once she’s gone to place his order, he looks back at Emma. “He’s calling up some of his mates in the Coast Guard and throughout the harbor to see if any one of them is willing to help haul what’s left on the shore back to a shop.”

“Huh,” she hums. It’s an interesting proposition, one that could make for good TV. She isn’t sure if that’s at all what they would want - they being the Jones brother or the executives - but it could be interesting. That is, so long as no one is breaking their contract. “Have you told Jefferson?”

Killian shakes his head. “He’s the next call, after Dave.” Reaching across the table, he steals another onion ring, narrowly avoiding Emma’s slap. He takes a bite and chews it for a moment. “I didn’t know Granny made onion rings,” he comments idly.

Emma smirks, taking a bite out of one of her own rings. “She does for her favorite customers,” she snarks.

An extremely dramatic frown crosses his face. “I thought I was one of her favorites,” he mumbles.

She knows he’s playacting for her pity, but Emma still feels the need to comfort him. “I don’t think there’s anyone in town who isn’t Granny’s favorite.” She reaches across the table to pat his hand. “Don’t worry, you’re one of my favorites,” she says.

He grins. “As much as I will cherish that admission, I don’t get free food out of our relationship.”

“Hey, I still have to pay for this stuff,” she whines. “And I can make you food.” His eyebrows shoot up and she shrugs. “It’d be free for you.”

“I feel like we’ll have more time for that in the near future, what with there being only one ship in our possession.” Sighing again, Killian rests his head on the table in front of him, grasping blindly for her hand. He entwines their fingers together. “What are we going to do, Emma?”

“I don’t know,” she grumbles, relishing in the warmth and weight of his hand in hers. “We’ll figure it out.” In the meantime, Emma uses her other hand to slide her plate reluctantly between them, a silent offer for assurance in the form of onion rings.

Peeking up from his arms, Killian smiles. He actually thanks her this time as he takes an onion ring and munches on it thoughtfully. “What do you think Jeff’s going to say about the show?” he asks.

She shrugs this time. “He’s probably going to refer back to whatever contract you guys signed, then take it up to the channel execs. See what they say.” Ruby finally returns with his cup of coffee and another small plate of onion rings for her. “It’s a huge guessing game until the end of this season. I’m sure it won’t end badly. They might just find another trawler somewhere nearby and focus on them instead of the Jolly Roger and the Jewel.” She rolls her eyes. “Who knows?”

Looking off into space, Killian reaches over to the plate of fresh onion rings, only to be met with empty air. He looks up to find Emma hoarding the plate close to her, Gollum protecting the one ring.

“I don’t care how good looking you are,” she threatens him. “You want onion rings? Fucking order some and stop stealing mine.”

A huge smile breaks across his face before he salutes her sarcastically. “Message received loud and clear, love.” Still, he actually stands up and grabs one last ring from her possession. “They just taste so much better when it makes you feisty.”

Bending over to press a short kiss to the top of her head, Killian pops her onion ring into his mouth and smirks on the way out of Granny’s, leaving Emma fuming.

0000

Jefferson’s reaction, at least according to Liam and how Killian relays it to her on the phone later that night, is more positive than either of them had expected. While Emma prepared herself to hear about screaming and cursing in true Jeff fashion, Killian tells her that their producer understood considering the circumstances.

“Liam said that Jeff said that he’d inform the proper executives and get back to me if there was anything else he needed,” his voice crackles through the line. Emma’s walking in the front door, a bag of Chinese food dangling off her elbow and her cell wedged between shoulder and ear.

“Well, that sounds kind of promising,” she assures him, shutting the door behind her. “Hold on a second.” Taking the phone from her shoulder, Emma yells for Henry to set the table before returning to their conversation. “Do you think he’ll have something to get back to you with by the barbeque?” she asks.

“Dunno,” he grumbles. She can just imagine him scratching behind his ear, the uncertainty of the future causing a frustrated blush to rise on his neck. He sighs, and then says, “I’ll let you and the lad get to supping. See you soon, love.”

“Bye.”

Emma hopes for all their sakes and sanities that Jefferson does have something to tell the crew by the time the Nolans’ barbeque rolls around in a couple of days. It’s the end of summer though it feels more like fall, coming up on the end of regular trawling season, and to celebrate that or maybe just help each other grieve and mourn the recent past. Either way, Mary Margaret had brought up the idea and Emma had wholeheartedly volunteered her and Henry’s manpower to help set up.

“Mom, Phillip’s mom was gonna take us to a movie,” he complains where she tells him of their plans.

“Well, you’ll have to call Phillip and tell him sorry,” she says. “It’s going to be a beautiful day and David promised me there would be ice cream.” Flopping back on the couch they share and changing the channel, Emma adds, “Invite him to the party while you’re at it. Phillip and his parents.”

“This is Mary Margaret and David’s party, remember?”

She shrugs. “We’re setting it up, I’m saying we can invite people.”

And Emma really begins to agree with her own words as she’s helping David set up the eighth fold-out table in an hour in their backyard, his wife directing them on its placement and Henry plugging in lights around the fence. Mary Margaret keeps saying she needs to keep an eye on food she’s pre-cooking in the kitchen, but Emma’s sure she just doesn’t want to do the heavy lifting. Literally.

All the while, the possibility of having to leave Storybrooke - of no longer being able to use her son for chores, of no longer being close to Mary Margaret and David, or Ruby, or even the Joneses - lingers in her mind.

It’s something she doesn’t want to do unless it’s absolutely necessary.

But now that there isn’t a second boat and no intention of getting one, there might be no show that needs a camera for her to operate. She’s in a bit of a tight position. She has enough saved up for her and Henry to survive for a little while, but the mastering of camera operation can only take you so far in life.

These frightening thoughts sneak in and out of her mind during the party, almost ruining the beautiful sunset that cools what remains of a scorching day. Henry’s having a blast, he and Phillip shooting each other with water guns in between hot dogs and ice cream. Mary Margaret’s in full-on hostess mode, talking with everyone she walks by to make sure their drinks are cold and their stomach are satisfied. And David, standing next to Emma, taking in the scene with his own internal commentary.

“What am I going to do?” she asks David in one instance of darkened thought, beer in hand.

Reading her mind, he shrugs and takes a sip of his beer. “What are we going to do?”

Emma chuckles darkly. “At least Mary Margaret’s got a job.”

“Hey,” David reprimands her. With a shrug, she rolls her eyes at him. “I know you don’t particularly like asking for help, but you know you don’t have to do this alone.” Wrapping an arm around her shoulder, he pulls her into his side, a brotherly gesture of comfort. “Some other project will come up. And in the meantime, enjoy your time with Henry. Relax.”

“Easier said than done,” she grumbles. She takes a swig of her beer only to find it empty. A frown growing on her face is halted by the somewhat magical appearance of another drink in David’s other hand.

“Maybe you just need a little push in the right direction,” he suggests, handing the beer over.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

David nods to Killian, who’s now chasing after Henry and Roland, Liam and Robin and Regina laughing at his antics. He’s spent the majority of the evening doing so, choosing the adventures of children over alcohol for entertainment. Liam even had to scold him for running about the deck too fast.

(He’d been sheepish naturally, being treated like a child, but Emma had to admit that the entire situation was adorable.)

“Don’t make me spell it out for you,” David nearly begs.

Catching his drift, Emma grimaces. “You’re gross.”

“I’m right.” She glares at him as he takes another drink of his beer, trying unsuccessfully to hide his smug smile. When he finishes, David shakes his head. “Look, I don’t want to know anything about it.”

“There’s nothing for you to know, we just - ”

“Don’t want to know,” he interrupts her, his hand coming up between them. “All I need to know is if he makes you happy. Because I can lie to myself all I want and pretend that you’re happier here because you have us. But even I have to admit you look a hell of a lot happier when he’s around these days.”

Taking a moment to contemplate the idea, Emma finally shrugs, hints of a smile curling the corners of her mouth. “I’m not unhappy.”

David nods once sharply. “Good enough for me,” he says, taking another drink. “The rest of that stuff, you can talk to Mary Margaret or Ruby. Not my department.”

Emma nudges his shoulder in good humor. “You mean you don’t want to know the intimate details about-”

“Nope,” he interrupts her. “Not my department. Not at all.”

With a nod and a smile, David takes his leave, mumbling something about making sure there’s enough food. It’s as much a fake excuse to get away from the uncomfortable conversation as it is an inside joke - like Mary Margaret would ever let anyone go hungry at her house.

As though his ears were burning, David’s space is quickly occupied by Killian himself, out of breathe and damp from being chased with water guns.

“Those lads are quick,” he says nonchalantly.

Emma chuckles. “What, Captain Hook can’t keep up with the Lost Boys now?” she teases him. “Finally admitting defeat and letting old age and a croc get you?”

Killian’s frown is so dramatic - honestly, it makes him look like a blobfish - that her laughter flourishes into guffaws and even a few tears. “I am affronted, Swan,” he says. his voice equally put off. “How dare you insult the captain as such. I should make you walk the plank!”

So she’s had a few drinks, as he probably has too, but that matter doesn’t do anything to quell the warmth that bubbles up inside with this ridiculous man next to her. She thinks of what David said and maybe it’s just become obvious to her how obvious she and Killian are together. How often and how much time they spend with each other, how their countenances change when in each other’s company.

It nearly makes her sad when she forces the conversation to other, less amusing topics.

“Did Jefferson get back to you yet?”

Shaking his head, Killian runs a hand through his hair. “I even inquired about it the other day after Liam’s check up,” he tells her. “Alas, nothing from executives or any other higher up.”

“I’m sure that doesn’t mean anything,” Emma assures him, though a different discussion sets off in her mind. She knows better than Killian that, unlike in other realms of the world, no news in show business isn’t good news. Sea of Chaos is quite a money maker for the network: it’s grown a fanbase, it’s interesting enough and original enough that it could bring in more ratings, and the cast is memorable enough that they can quote them on merchandise. Changing it in any way - or worse, cancelling it - could be detrimental to their entire lineup.

But Killian doesn’t need to know that.

“No news is good news, right?” Emma lies easily.

He shrugs. “I can only suppose so.”

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 2 years

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Forbidden Lessons XVI

Masterlist

Let me know what you think and I will keep going hehe.

Warnings: noncon, age gap, abuse of power, coercion, depression, mentions of suicide. Y'all know I do it dark and spicy. You have warnings, use them.

Thots, comments, screaming, and feedback are welcome and highly encouraged. Thank you!

He's still there. You try to ignore him as you stand in the same clothes you arrived in, a plastic bag for your few belongings. Your phone, mitts, and hat.

The nurse has you sign off for your discharge and it's done. You're free. You don't feel it.

"I'll drive you back to campus," he offers as he holds the door.

You say nothing as you go into the hall. Your coat smells of river water, stale and dirty. He walks beside you, patiently.

You want him to go away. He won't. He hasn't since the day before. He carries the flowers you forgot.

"I don't want those," you say as you walk down the slight incline towards the emergency room exit.

"You should put them in your place, they'll brighten it up," he suggests.

"Why?"

"What?"

"Why are you still here? Why are you bothering me?"

"Not every day I drag a girl out of the river half-dead."

"So it's for you?" you stop before the automatic doors, "keep your flowers and your pity."

He arches a brow, irritated, but suppresses it.

"I drive a red Focus," he says as he waves you out the doors, "heated seats, the whole shebang."

"I'll take the bus."

"Oh yeah? You got a pass?"

You stop short at the curb before the unloading area. You sigh. "Not on me."

"So?"

"So." You counter dully.

You let him guide you across the ambulance dock and down to the lot. You follow him between tightly parked vehicles and he stops in front of a crimson Ford. He nods at the door. You get in, impatient to be back at your dorm.

He places the flowers in your lap before snapping the door shut. He grunts as he lowers himself into the driver's seat. He turns the engine and pulls out wordlessly.

"You hungry?" He asks as he heads towards downtown, "I know this burger joint--"

"No," you interject.

"Come on, I know hospital food is no good."

"Not hungry," you insist as you watch the streets through your window, the scent of pollen tickling your nose.

"Well, I am," he says as he turns off, "I could use a double cheeseburger with wings. Oh the cheese they use, melts just perfect. Rings crispy but not too greasy--"

Your stomach growls loudly. You huff and keep your eyes averted. You know he's looking at you in the mirror. Taunting you. Like everyone does.

You don't answer him as he steers past a sign and joins the line for the drive-thru. You lean against the door and hug the vase, petals brushing against your neck. Carnations, you think.

He pulls into a spot as the smell of the food further knots your gut. He crinkles the bag and hums as he bites into a ring. He takes another and holds it up under your nose, like bait. You swat him away.

"Stop. Why are you doing this?"

"Because, you need to eat," he says, "and I know you want to. Hmm, saliva's all on your tongue and your feel like you're being squeezed from the inside--"

"You're mean," you snatch the ring and shove it in your mouth with a grumble.

"Some tough love," he says victoriously, "go on, tell me it's not the best damn onion ring you ever had."

You swallow and shake your head, "it's... fine."

"You seem like a Fanta girl, I got you orange," he lifts a paper cup from the tray, "huh?"

You frown at the cup and take it from him. You are thirsty and the smell of the food has you ravenous. You take a long draw off the straw and you put it in the cup holder before slipping the flowers carefully down between your feet.

He hands you a burger wrapped in a silver wrapper then takes out his own. You say nothing as you peel back the paper. You pause and glance at him.

"Stop," you demand.

"Stop what?" he asks, a dimple in his cheek.

"Watching me," you sniff and look back at the burger. You wet your tongue as you inhale the savoury smell, "thank you."

"No problem," he answers before biting into his own, the noise of chewing quickly filling the car.

💙

Your phone is broken from the plunge into the river. Oh well. Doesn't matter. You leave it beside the flowers with your keys.

It feels weird to be alone. Before, you were used to it, now it feels scary.

The feeling didn't keep you from telling him to go. From snarling that he should just leave, even after all he's done. But he listened. Professor Barnes heard you and dropped you off outside your dorm and drove away.

You open your laptop. At first, you don't know why. To have something to do. You finish the orange pop as you click around aimlessly, opening and closing windows. You smell like onion and ketchup. You should bathe.

Outlook pops up and a dozen notifications stand in bold along the left panel. Reminders for missed assignments, automatic, nothing personal. One week and you're already behind.

It's all his fault. No, your own. You let him do this. You made the decision to jump into the river. You were stupid enough not to look around before you did.

You close out of your email. You can catch up or you won't. Doesn't matter.

You hit the first bookmark. Usually you just play games, never really reading about the few passing acquaintances on your timeline. You hate seeing the fun they're having, that you're not. College students without a care.

What's wrong you? Why can't you be like them?

You have a notification. You've been tagged. You open the post by your mother numbly.

'Send wishes. Today I received the call that my daughter is in hospital in serious condition. This mama needs a miracle <3'. Below the caption is a picture of her, preened and primped as usual. She doesn't have a single one of you to attach, as always it's about her.

You exit out and snap shut the lid. You sit in the grim unlit space of your dorm in the grey cast of the winter afternoon. You put your head in your hands and exhale.

What do you do now?

#loki #bucky barnes #dark loki #dark!loki #loki x reader #bucky barnes x reader #series #forbidden lessons #drabble #dark drabble #dark!drabble #ask drabble #mcu #marvel #professor!loki #professor!bucky

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aaronsmith94 · 2 years

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@h4ngm4n I saw that post and ran with it. Have some AU Hangster.

“You can let go now; I’m fine I know you have other patients,”

The sentence from Bradley Bradshaw makes Jake sigh as he focuses on the computer in front of him, the thought of lashing out is present, but Jake remembers he is trying to be the bigger person.

“Bradley, I had to intubate you in the field,” Jake says without looking away from the computer he is charting on,

“You were unconscious and not breathing; let me state that for you again, Dr. Bradshaw. You were not breathing!”

“Here, I think it was going to be a normal day, a simple ride-along with the paramedics for my MICN certification renewal. Instead, I arrive on the scene to find you laying out in the middle of the road because some dumb ass drunk thought it was a good idea to get behind the wheel and drive.” Jake spoke through gritted teeth, his eyes burning with unshed tears.

“You were hit by a moving vehicle Bradley,”

“And a kid died because of me. Because I couldn’t reach him in time,”

“Damn it, Bradshaw!” Jake shouted, looking at him finally, the bruising on Bradley’s face making Jake want to reach out and touch him.

“When are you going to get through your head that you are important? This ER doesn’t run without you; I had to walk through those doors today squeezing an ambu bag as everyone looked on in fear.” Jake spoke, his face masked behind his professional nursing demeanor.

“You have got to stop with the self-sacrifice bullshit; you are the best attending physician this ER has; you treat patients like they are human. I’ve been able to keep nurses because you refuse to let bastard physicians practice here.”

The sentence hangs in the air, Jake silent as he checks Bradley’s IV again, making notes of how much saline is still in the bag. And try as he might, Jake can not keep quiet,

“I’ve already lost you once this year,” Jake spoke softly “I’m not risking it again.”

Bradley reaches his hand out for Jake’s and holds it; Jake hears the minuscule sound of the IV pump running; he looks at the monitor watching Bradley’s heart rate rise ever so slightly.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know you are,” Jake sighs.

“You have stood by my side through everything,” Bradley whispers “Jake, if it weren’t for you, I would have let a man die. I let that bastard take a year of my life. I was so angry.”

“Bradley, not many people are faced to treat the man who killed their father in cold blood.”

“It doesn’t matter, and I took an oath. My dad took an oath, and he would have been ashamed of me.”

“Bradshaw, I doubt that. We are faced with moral dilemmas every day; it’s a part of our job.”

“You gonna be a good nurse and give me a sponge bath?” Bradley asks, waggling his eyebrows and changing the subject.

“Bradshaw, don’t make me sedate you. I know Ice will give me an order for Ativan, and it will be the full 2 mgs.”

“I’m offended, Seresin, I always give you the best orders for medication. Name the last time I’ve only given an order for .25 mgs?”

“Keep it up, and I’ll tell the interns you need a catheter.”

“You wound me, I’m down for the count, and you still wound me.”

“Yet somehow, I am willing to go out on my only 15-minute break and get you actual food instead of cafeteria food,” Jake says, preparing to step away. He pretends he doesn’t feel Bradley squeeze his hand.

“A double cheeseburger extra pickles-“

“And an order of onion rings and a chocolate shake.” Jake finishes knowing the go-to order from the diner located right across from the ER. “I swear, Bradshaw, you eat worse than your own patients and have the nerve to talk about diabetes and high blood pressure.”

“Yet you love me.”

“That I do, Bradshaw, that I do.”

#hangster #bradley rooster bradshaw #jake hangman seresin #top gun maverick #fic writing #rooster x hangman

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velissiamemes · 3 years

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♡ Shrek Sentence Starters ♡

Quotes from the movie Shrek (2001)! Feel free to adjust as needed.

“She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon.”

“It'll grind your bones for it's bread.”

“Please, don't turn me in. I'll never be stubborn again.”

“Five shillings for the possessed toy.”

“Father, please! Don't let them do this! Help me!”

“Talk, you boneheaded dolt, talk!”

“You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey fly.”

“Hey, wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll stick with you.”

“Together we'll scare the spit out of anybody that crosses us.”

“Your breath certainly will get the job done, 'cause you definitely need some Tic Tacs or something”

“Only a true friend would be that cruelly honest.”

“You got that kind of "I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me" thing. I like that. I respect that.”

“You know you are quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget.”

“I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.”

“I like my privacy.”

“You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak.”

“This is gonna be fun! We can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning... I'm making waffles”

“What are you doing in my swamp?”

“He huffed and he puffed and he signed an eviction notice.”

“Do not get comfortable. Your welcome is officially worn out.”

“You're a monster.”

“No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop buttons!”

“Do you know the muffin man?”

“She's a loaded pistol who likes piña coladas and getting caught in the rain.”

“You're going the right way for a smacked bottom.”

“Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?

“Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet.”

“Did you do that? You gotta warn somebody before you just crack one off. My mouth was open and everything.”

“Let's have a dance then, shall me?“

“I'm gonna die.”

“So where is this fire-breathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?”

“The princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower.”

“I'm an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd work out if you're gonna blow smoke rings and stuff.”

“This be-ith our first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful, romantic moment?”

“You know, you should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.”

“You could recite an epic poem for me. A ballad? A sonnet! A limerick?”

“I pray that you take this favour as a token of my gratitude.”

“Slow down, baby, please.”

“I believe it's healthy to get to know someone over a long period of time. Just call me old-fashioned.”

“Let's just say I'm not your type, okay?”

“Put me down, or you will suffer the consequences! This is not dignified! Put me down!”

“Hey, can you tell my future from these stars?”

“Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me.”

“They judge me before they even know me. That's why I'm better off alone.”

“Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask.”

“Now, I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean weed rat stew.”

“You're afraid of the dark, aren't you?”

“Wake up and smell the pheromones. Just go on in and tell her how you feel.”

“Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know you wrote poetry.”

“Only my true love's kiss can break the spell.”

“I mean, really, who can ever love a beast so hideous and ugly?”

“I ask your hand in marriage. Will you be the perfect bride for the perfect groom?”

“You are mean to me. You insult me and you don't appreciate anything that I do! You're always pushing me around or pushing me away.”

“You're so wrapped up in layers, onion boy, you're afraid of your own feelings.”

“She said I was ugly, a hideous creature.”

“Really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding...”

“He's not your true love.”

“We're but a kiss away from our "happily ever after." Now kiss me!”

“I'll make you regret the day we met. I'll see you drawn and quartered! You'll beg for death to save you!”

“Celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?”

#rp meme #rp memes #roleplay meme #roleplay memes #roleplay resource #meme; movie #shrek sentence meme #sentence meme #sentence starter #sentence starter meme #shrek rp meme

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saltygilmores · 2 years

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Thoughts While Watching Gilmore Girls, Season 1/Episode 8 (“Love And War And Snow”)

What Happens in This Episode: This episode was jam packed with so many minor situations that I can't summarize everything in one paragraph. Town meetings, friendships tested, jealousy, boys, frozen pizza, Creepy Forrester, a disappearing concession stand, and much more.

Disclaimer: Don't take anything I say seriously or literally. If I say something you don't like, please remember that this is all supposed to make you laugh, my opinions are my own but ultimately meaningless and at the end of the day this is still just a 22 year old fictional TV show 🙂 The episode opens with a town meeting, the first of the series. I'm not sure which is the corniest element of this show, the town meetings or all the dopey festivals. Then sometimes they have town meetings about their dopey festivals which opens up a whirling vortex into the corn world. Memorable Quote "There is no use for a lava lamp unless you're on drugs." -Taylor Luke is yawning and sighing through the mayor's speech. Who is forcing him to go? Luke is not there voluntarily, that's for damn sure, so do I really want to know what happens to people who refuse to attend these meetings? I'm sure it's not pretty.

Release him, can't you see he's in pain? Ah, Luke just popped his top and exploded at Taylor! Magnificent! I really want a remake called Grownup Gilmore Girls where Luke swears like a fucking sailor. Lorelai is listening to an answering machine message from Max on repeat. Where would this show be without answering machines? They play a vital role in so many episodes. Memorable Quote:

Speaking of weather, someone on Twitter pointed out that it only rained once in Stars Hollow in the entire series (the last episode).

IMPENDING DOOM. I hope the cookies that Rory will be bringing Dean are poisoned.

JFC he did it again! #JumpScare

....... Dean: "Wow, she brings me cookies, how can I repay her?" Run Rory, Run! There's still time! Save yourself!

Yo! Writers! Amy Sherman Palladino! Stop trying to make Dean Jess before Jess exists! IT IS NOT WORKING.

She doesn't need your literary suggestions, butthead. Stop reminding me that Jess isn't here yet and I have to put up with your ass for a whopping 63 episodes. Thankfully, if I recall, this "Dean likes to read" characteristic is about to be forgotten shortly. He'll be moping & complaining while Rory browses the book fair in no time. Lane's facial expressions while Rory and Dean are being idiots is the best thing in this episode.

Maybe I'd take pity on Lane here, but in the last episode she called Dean "sexy" so honestly she deserves to be horrified. I'm still enjoying watching her disgusted face.

"The Hollow" is what I'm going to title my gritty adult reboot of Gilmore Girls where people swear and we see Jess' ass. THE HOLLOW. Coming soon to HBO. Luke: "Harry, stop this before someone drives through here and thinks the local mental instituion has bad padlocks." Taylor probbaly siphoned money from the town funds to pay for the bridge repairs, so there wasn't enough money left for padlocks. Fuck the Stars Hollow Bridge. Memorable Quote

"Tradition is a trap that allows people to stick their head in the sand, the past was so quaint & charming. Times were simple, kids didn't have sex. Neighbors knew each other, it was a freakin fairy tale, things sucked then too, it just sucked with no indoor plumbing." -Luke Luke Danes bringing some humanity to this corny affair called Gilmore Girls.

We get it, you like snow!

Really want to do this to Milo Ventimiglia's hair.

ENOUGH

It's not delivery, it's Mastrolia.

A menu to pick apart: Fiesta Burger, Hamburger, Cheeseburger, Bar-B-Que burger, french fries, onion rings, sausge/onion/pepper, hot dog, soda. And just like Shane after the dance marathon, that random window-service concession stand in Stars Hollow mysteriously vanishes, never to be seen again.

For anyone keeping score, Christopher has proposed to Lorelai three times.

That looks nothing like the actor who played young Christopher or the one who played adult Christopher (please don't take me seriously when I say shit like this, of course I know they likely hadn't casted either actor yet when this was filmed. I literally just write what I observe). I had forgotten that we're still waiting for the unfortunate debut of Clown #2, Christopher. I loathe him. The actor who plays him is a butthole in real life too.

A pager! Nostalgia point!

The first appearance of this bookstore that screens movies.

Baby Lorelai. That's a very high quality photograph for 1967.

Kirk's Jobs Thus Far: DSL Installer, Swan Delivery Boy, Grocery Store Assistant Manager, Historical Reanactor.

Oooh, somebody's jealous. Samantha Leigh's Bakery will of course become Weston's. Lane is staying at the Gilmore household and crashes Max & Lorelai's make out session, giving Lorelai a taste of what Rory and Jess felt every time she barged in on them.

The Gilmores wear the cutest pajamas. The Good: Luke explodes at town meeting. Lane has to watch Rory and Dean kiss, which is what she deserves. Lorelai's cute pajamas. The snowy setting was beautiful. The Bad: Rory didn't poison the cookies she fed to Dean. At least not lethally. Boo. Rory is a shitty friend to Lane (but she does apologize). The Meh: Max and Lorelai make out. Lorelai's obsession with snow was getting really fucking annoying. The New: First town meeting. First time Luke loses his temper at a town meeting. First appearance of the local bookstore/movie place. Lorelai and Max's first date & kiss. First time Luke appears jealous to see Lorelai with another man. The confusing: Dean pretends he knows how to read. Disappearing concession stand. "Baby Lorelai"'s picture was clearly taken in the 90's. Nostalgia: Rory uses a pager. Lorelai's Paul Frank pajamas.

#gilmore girls #rory gilmore #lorelai gilmore #max medina #lane kim #luke danes #Denise Rewatches Gilmore Girls #Gilmore Girls Season 1 #Love and War and Snow #LAWAS

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existslikepristin · 3 years

Text

Impromptu Review

Thanks for editing this one goes to momirene and Worldsover, and for helpful beta reading feedback from them and one dork who wants to remain anonymous.

Tags: TheLounge, Red Velvet, SNSD (Girl's Generation), Joy, Sunny, loneliness, potential traumatization of cats, a hoard of hell-themed sex toys, a strap on, a butt plug with Jiu's face in it, and bisexual problems.

The front door of Sunny’s apartment swung open so fast that Joy felt a breeze from the vacuum it left behind.

“Joy! You’re here!”

Joy blinked. “Yeah, I said I would come over.”

“It’s been so long since we’ve met up! Come in, come in!”

“It’s only been like a month though.”

Sunny grabbed Joy’s hands and pulled her through the doorway. “It feels like so much longer than that!”

Joy smiled and took her shoes off in the entryway. “You seem more excited than usual.”

“What? How so?”

“Well for one,” Joy said, pointing at the kitchen, “It looks like you prepared for a whole party in here.”

The kitchen’s island was covered in plates of snacks and several variations of alcoholic beverages. Additionally, Sunny was noticeably sweaty, like she had just run around the house preparing for guests. Joy figured it would be best not to bring that up.

“What? No. That? That’s… yeah, that’s a lot of food, isn’t it?” Sunny’s posture drooped, as if she’d already expended all of her energy on her greeting.

Joy pulled her into a side hug. Her height served to straighten Sunny back up. “What’s going on, girl?”

Sunny sighed and leaned her head on Joy’s chest. “I dunno. I’m just excited. Haven’t had a good social night any time recently.”

“Aw! But what about these cutie kitties?”

Sogeum popped her head out from behind the wall and gave Joy her signature droopy, grim stare without so much as a meow. As soon as Joy shuffled in her direction though, she turned and went back into the living room.

“Well, you know. Can’t really have a real conversation with the cats.”

Joy hummed her agreement and stepped into the kitchen. “I’m always happy to talk to you Sunny. They don’t call SM a family for nothing.”

Sunny groaned, loudly.

“Um. Okay,” Joy said when Sunny didn’t elaborate. “Not a family? Just a bunch of really close friends?”

“Yeah, that’ll work better. Not a fan of the family motif.”

Joy picked up a cracker and chomped down. “Gonna… explain? Family is normally a positive thing, isn’t it?”

Sunny grabbed a bottle of wine and yanked the cork out. “Yeah, totally, for sure. Hey, do you like Chardonnay?”

“I…” Joy didn’t want to skirt around whatever issue Sunny was having, but was well-aware of her stubbornness. “I sure do.”

As fancy glasses of white wine were generously poured, Joy made note of Sunny’s slow, unsteady movements. She worried that perhaps Sunny had already started drinking, or wasn’t getting enough sleep.

* * *

“Can you believe that, Joy?”

“No way. It’s just inhuman.”

“Completely! It’s not like green onions are suddenly more expensive to dry out!”

The conversation had started with gossip and cheese snacking when the sun was high. As the sun set, the discussion shifted to the price of instant meals, and the snack plates were all but empty. Joy had to fight the constant urge to fall asleep, as the topics were never much more interesting than that. But she let Sunny lead the talking as much as possible.

Joy was simply relieved that Sunny called her over before diving into her liquor storage. “You should start a petition to regulate the price. I’d be the first to sign it.”

Sunny’s tipsy grin matched Joy’s. Though the alcohol consumption had been slow-going, they had been doing it for several hours. “Oh that would be great press. ‘Washed up idol upset with ramen manufacturers.’”

With an exaggerated roll of the eyes, Joy pointed at a set of boxes in the corner of the living room, currently being used as a lookout tower by Sogeum. “You’re not washed up yet. Look at all of those sponsor gifts. Those weren’t here last time I came over… Wait, they weren’t, were they?”

Sunny giggled. “No, they’re, uh… new.”

Their corporate sponsors weren’t something that Joy, Sunny, or any of the other SM idols discussed often. There were usually so many vying for their attention that it was pointless trying to keep track. But Joy reasoned, somewhat drunkenly, that talking about it might be therapeutic to someone so down on their social status. “Who are they from, anyway?”

A blush deepened the red of Sunny’s already tipsy-glowing cheeks. “Uh… Nobody. Just a regular sponsor, ya know?”

Joy grinned. “Oh, come on. You can tell me. What am I gonna do? Call a press conference to tell the tabloids who’s contributing to your paycheck?”

Sunny rolled her eyes. She shot off the couch, spilling a drop or two of her wine in the process. From Joy’s naturally higher perspective, Sunny didn’t seem that much taller. “Fine,” she said, wobbling, “but you better not make fun of me.”

“I’ll make fun of you for other reasons, like how much I love you, bitch!” Joy blinked at her own shouting. She didn’t know when the alcohol had hit her, but she was beginning to think that she was a little more intoxicated than she previously thought.

Thankfully, the joviality in her voice seemed to encourage Sunny to play along. She set her wine on the coffee table and picked one of the smaller boxes off of the pile. “Disclosure first! We haven’t agreed to any deals yet. They sent me this stuff to try to convince me to shill it. I didn’t reach out to them.”

Joy waved the disclosure off like a mosquito, but Sunny still tossed the box in her direction. The weight inside of it was awkwardly distributed. Joy attempted to catch it, but it wound up ricocheting off the tips of her fingers and nearly knocking over an open, mostly full bottle of soju.

“The fuck is in this thing?”

“I’ve got some ideas but I just know who it’s from. Open it and find out.”

Joy tore into the box with no regard for the care that went into the packaging, which itself was surprisingly discreet. A smirk cracked her lips when she thought about what sorts of deliveries required such discretion. But the smirk faded right away when she got a view of the inside and realized that the packager apparently had the same idea.

Inside was a pair of plastic sheets wrapped asymmetrically around a roughly water bottle sized blob of blood red silicone. A small bit of pink cardboard advertised it as a five-speed, rotation-simulating, self-cleaning, pattern-switching, USB-charging, automatically-lubricating, remote-controlled vibrator with a speaker at the bottom for replicating a set of desired moans and a specialized charging dock.

Joy cleared her throat and stared at the horrifically fancy dildo, and its label, “Dante’s Dive,” unsure if she should toss it back to Sunny, considering it was clearly a personal item.

Sunny reached into what was left of the box, procuring a pretty little decorated card. “Dear Ms. Lee, we at Second Ring Inc were very pleased to hear your impromptu review of our products on a recent episode of ‘Welp, I Guess We’re Talking About This Now’ and wished to send you some additional items to show our appreciation. These are in no way a request for further public review,” Sunny was briefly interrupted by Joy’s disapproving snort, “but should you be interested in a partnership, we have included a phone number at which I, the chief executive officer, Lee Youngjoon, may be reached. Optionally, my username--”

Joy missed a few words as she was shocked by the extreme sound emitted by the vibrator when she pushed a button on the remote control.

“--is ‘worldsover’. As you know, Second Ring specializes in sexual wellness products, of which we’ve sent you a wide variety. They can be enjoyed by couples, or can serve as a fantastic outlet for power singles like yourself…”

Sunny trailed off. Joy was afraid she knew what was coming. “Damn, Sunny. You say so much as three words on national television and they scramble to get right up on your ass, eh?”

It was too late. Sunny was already tipping up the bottom of the soju bottle. A few drops spluttered back out of her mouth as Joy pushed it back down. “Sunny! You’ve said it yourself! You don’t want to get married!”

“Doesn’t mean I’m not still lonely!”

Joy wrapped her arms around Sunny. “You’ve got me. And a million other friends!”

“Fans don’t count.” Sunny’s voice was partially muffled by Joy’s shoulder.

“Ouch. Time for me to delete my Sone club membership. But fine. A hundred other friends. It’s not just me. It’s my members. Your members. And plenty of others. All of NCT would be--Okay, nevermind. Aespa though! They love you too.”

“But I don't want to inconvenience you." Sunny ended so matter-of-factly that Joy had to pause to process the short conversation.

"You know how… You know how you take a road trip, and there's a road block, or really bad construction, and you have to take a detour?"

"Yeah. I'm a detour."

"Come on, Sunny. What you are is the scenic route!”

There was a long silence.

“Was that the end of the metaphor?” Sunny eventually asked.

“I am very drunk.”

“You’re not that drunk.”

“Drunk enough to be shit at metaphors.”

“It’s…” Sunny extricated herself from Joy’s hug. “It’s okay. I think I know what you’re getting at, and I appreciate it. It’s just that a few words don’t really fix a brain, you know?”

Joy nodded slowly, watching as Sogeum casually stalked across the room. “Yup. But believe me. I’m here for you, at least. So if you need a friend, or some company, I’m at the top of your list.”

The cat plopped herself on the floor, right up against Sunny’s leg. Joy giggled. “Fuck off, kitty. I just said I was the top.”

It seemed the topic of conversation was ready to change. Sunny smiled, and it was enough to indicate her understanding.

“So!” Joy moved things along. “A pile of free, top of the line sex toys in your living room. What’s a young woman to do about that?”

Sunny snorted. “Well I’m not going to masturbate while I have company over, that’s for sure.” She grabbed another box from the pile and handed it over, doing her best not to disturb Sogeum’s new resting place.

The new box took mere seconds to open, this time revealing a black silicone butt plug with a red gem in the base. The casing suggested that a picture could be inserted beneath the gem, and it appeared there was one already there as an example. Joy had to flip it around to a variety of angles before she could make out that it contained a headshot of Dreamcatcher’s Jiu making finger hearts on her cheeks. She cocked her head, wondering if the image had actually been authorized.

Another box swapped between the womens’ hands. It took Joy a little longer to open than the last, but it turned out to be that way for a good reason, given that it was gently holding some fragile cargo: A red-tinted glass bottle of lube, labeled as “Juice from the Fruit of The Tree.” The lengthy product title had a snake winding through the letters.

“Well now they’re just really doubling down on this theme, aren’t they?” Sunny asked as she worked out how to open the next package, using her bottle opener as a makeshift knife.

Joy laughed and picked up yet another, now eager to see what kind of wild object it would contain. “Yeah, they really are! No lie, they’re starting to give me some ideas. Talk about sinful.”

“‘Oh I know,’” Sunny mocked the company, as SM artists often did, fingers still struggling to find their way under the first cardboard flap. “‘Let’s send Sunny a whole pile of sex junk. Bet she’s sinful enough to use it all.’ Like, come on Love-eye, or whatever your name is. What’s a single woman gonna do with all this? Hold up a pillow fort?”

“Hey, maybe he doesn’t know you’re single. Maybe there’s some stuff in here that takes two to tangle with… Fuck. Choerry’s got me using alliterations.”

Sunny barely managed to get her fingers inside the box, but her knuckles were turning white from the tightness of it. It seemed that she had left a portion of the packing tape uncut. “I said I was single on the show, though. I don’t think there will be any couples’ toys in here.”

“Oooh, I’m gonna make it a bet now.” Joy smirked. Her next sentence bypassed her verbal filter through the holes left in it by the alcohol. “If you get that thing open and there’s a strap on inside, you have to fuck me with it!”

A jerk of her arms snapped the remainder of the packing tape. Sunny chuckled. “You’re on. There’s no way it is.”

Joy had to admit that Sunny had a point, considering how small the package was. Surely it couldn’t fit a series of leather straps, or a dildo any larger than a couple of inches in any direction. The little voice in the back of her mind that told her making such an offer was stupid quieted down somewhat.

There was a moment of quiet. Sogeum rolled away from Sunny and made her way to the kitchen. Joy picked up another box, confident that she hadn’t just placed herself in an awkward situation. Sunny shook her head, amused. And then…

“J-Joy?”

Joy looked back, but wasn’t quite sure what she was looking at. It was a sort of mass of black string with some silver discs hanging off of it. Another piece of pink paper fluttered to the floor, where Joy picked it up and read aloud.

“‘The Obol.’ As Charon ferried Dante across the Styx and into the hole that is Hell, so too shall this state-of-the-art magnetic harness ferry our exclusive Dante’s Dive dildo into your… partner’s hole…”

There was more to be read, but both women seemed to get the point. The only sound in the room came from Sogeum chomping through some hard cat food in the kitchen. Slowly, their eyes raised and met. They both spoke at the same moment.

“That was a bet’s a joke bet right?”

Their drunken minds needed a moment to detangle their words into distinct sentences. Sunny’s “That was a joke, right?” and Joy’s “A bet’s a bet.”

Sunny started again first. “You know, we don’t have to.”

“I will if you want to.”

Every sentence being exchanged was followed by a palpable stillness. Joy’s heart beat loudly in her own ears, and she swore she could hear Sunny’s too.

“Do you… want to fuck me with that, Sunny?”

Sunny answered instantly. “Yup.”

There was a flurry of action, though it was slowed here and there by a tipsy stumble or two. Sunny gathered up an armful of the items on her coffee table, both sex toys and the bottle of soju, and sprinted for the bedroom. Joy rushed after her, messily attempting and failing to remove some of her clothes on the way.

Sogeum was spooked by the sudden kerfuffle and fled out of sight.

The bedroom was no less hectic. Sunny dropped everything on the bed except the soju, which she took one more swig of directly from the bottle before setting it dangerously close to the edge of her desk. She wiggled out of her shirt and bra, which attracted Joy’s attention instantly.

Joy struck at Sunny’s cleavage, wrapping her fingers as far as they could go around the legendary orbs, and her lips around one of the budding tips. Their differences in height made it awkward, but they very soon found their way to a horizontal state that eased that tension. Unfortunately, it was not on the bed, but on the floor, but they weren’t about to let something like that stop them.

What clothes they were still wearing exploded off their bodies. Joy’s shorts and shirt, Sunny’s pants and socks. All of it ended up in different sections of the room, thrown under and over furniture.

Joy was no stranger to encounters like this, and neither was Sunny. They had shared countless stories with each other… and some spit. But neither had considered their prior make out sessions to be precursors to explicitly sexual action. For her part, however, Joy considered this one differently, and Sunny’s hands searching half-blindly for Joy’s ass confirmed to her that Sunny thought the same.

Backs arched. Legs ground against one another. Open mouths met, trading the alcoholic scents that the women no longer cared to distinguish. Their minds had devoted themselves entirely to the search for physical pleasure.

A lot of exploratory prodding led Sunny’s fingers to the entrance to Joy’s pussy, failing to notice the number of pokes that ended up at Joy's exit. She took some time familiarizing herself with the drenched outer folds.

Joy, however, noticed the poking at her ass. Her mind swam with serotonin, thoughts of other people, and alcoholic fumes that seemed to rearrange the letters of her thoughts into nonsense. Or possibly into inspiration.

Inspiration relevant to the happenings at the prior year's award shows, that is.

Joy tried to pull back the moment Sunny’s fingers dipped inside her. She had opened her mouth to speak but instead groaned and arched herself further into Sunny’s grip on her sanity. "S-Sunny. B-bed."

At least that message was received loud and clear. Sunny dragged her fingers against Joy’s G-spot as she, disappointingly, pulled them out, nearly causing Joy to scream. The same fingers plunged into Joy’s mouth and quieted her as she diligently sucked her own juices from them.

The action transferred to the bed. Fingers immediately found their places again, and Joy bounced on her back in time with Sunny’s brutal shoves. Packaging bounced all around them. It was like a desperate, distracted game of Vegetable Shinobi for Joy, swiping at the jumping dildo. Sunny’s fingers were divine, eye-wateringly so, but Joy wanted something unholy.

Sunny muttered Joy’s name, catching her attention again. She lifted her head to meet for yet another imprecise kiss. Their legs twisted around each other. Joy could hear the desperation in Sunny’s moans, vibrating all the way down her throat, burning like the alcohol. She snaked a hand between them and found Sunny’s clit.

The moans freed themselves as Sunny bucked backward, almost out of Joy’s longer reach. Joy noted the exceptional reaction, and flipped Sunny onto her back, following immediately and putting herself in the position of power Sunny had initiated.

“You’re gonna fuck me with the strap on… right, Sunny?”

Sunny’s eyes widened, and she grabbed the toys.

“No, not yet,” Joy stalled in her most seductive voice. She slid down, nearly falling off the bed, and wrenched Sunny’s legs wide open with her elbows.

Sunny clenched her fingers around the hell-themed dildo for dear life. Joy’s name poured through her lips over and over again as Joy’s lips poured over her pussy.

Joy had to fight Sunny’s strength to keep her spread thighs from clamping around her head. She wanted to keep hearing her senior beg, loud and clear. To that end, she dug in her tongue, unable to penetrate far, but far enough to open Sunny up and feel the wetness flow into her mouth.

“Please… Joy… I’m close… Joy, please! Joy, don’t stop!”

The thought flitted through Joy’s head, that perhaps denying Sunny her orgasm would be fun, but something about the way she said it made Joy wonder if Sunny’s neediness was rooted in her loneliness, more than in her desire to get off. She shifted herself to wrap her arms under Sunny’s legs and pulled. It wasn’t possible for them to be any physically closer than they were, but she wanted to make it feel like they could be.

Sunny’s voice cracked, choked, and broke into a scream. Joy winced as her tongue was squeezed uncomfortably, but she wasn’t about to stop. The back arches, hair grasping, and pained gasps that followed were worth it.

Joy kept it up until Sunny’s body fell back down and her muscles relaxed. Only then, she removed herself to ask, “Need a break before my turn?”

A smile crept up Sunny’s mouth. Her fingers tightened around the dildo she still had in her hand. “Get… back down here.”

If there was any benefit Joy appreciated most about idol training, it was recovery speed, and Sunny still had it. Joy picked up the strap, quickly figuring out how it was supposed to fit and sliding it up Sunny’s legs. The motion doubled as her approach for another make out.

Of course, Joy was still immensely horny. Her interest in making out with Sunny was overshadowed by her desire to get fucked savagely, but she had the wherewithal to hold out, to let it happen naturally. She was always good at letting others take the lead. Whether they led from the top or from the bottom didn’t especially matter to her.

The alcohol made her more impatient than usual though. She forced herself to wait for the five-speed pounding she’d get, but she ground herself against Sunny’s leg in the meantime. Thankfully she didn’t have to wait long. Sunny threw her to the side and attached the vibrator to the unusual strap with very little trouble. Joy fingered herself as she watched.

“Fuck, yes, Sunny. This is going to be so goo--”

Sunny practically tackled Joy. Their lips collided again, strap hovering somewhere between Joy’s legs, but not close enough for her to feel it.

The moment she did, though, Joy grabbed Sunny’s ass and pulled. The lack of accuracy was made up for by the inhuman amount of lubrication present; both Joy’s and the curious synthetic compound that the dildo exuded seemingly of its own volition.

It was almost too much for Joy. The dildo was certainly longer than any she had used before, and bottoming out at full speed meant it hit her rather painfully in the cervix. She hissed, but otherwise just readjusted her legs in Sunny’s way to prevent the same thing from happening so easily again.

The strap held the dildo in place on Sunny’s body well. Despite its genuinely small frame, it seemed to prevent all wiggling. Every one of Sunny’s movements, including the less delicate, more intoxicated ones, translated to sensations that felt to Joy like a biologically attached dick, albeit with a plethora of extra features.

"You're so pretty, Joy," Sunny said. Even though she was doing all the work now, she wasn't nearly as winded as before. Knowing she’d affected Sunny made Joy grin into another kiss.

“No you,” Joy said with a smirk. She knew this would be good, but she truly underestimated how great it would be to see Sunny’s famous tits jiggling with the effort of fucking her. The sheen of sweat covering them would ensure the night wouldn’t be forgotten, even if Joy had another drink or two.

Joy’s first orgasm struck quickly and unexpectedly. Her breath stopped and a shudder spiked through her body from her core to the tips of her toes and fingers and head. The ability to think normally left her for a brief moment. She only kept the fleeting question of whether or not Sunny was able to feel Joy’s climax. Stars popped in and out of existence, obscuring Joy’s view of Sunny’s fantastic body.

It all faded relatively soon after, but it wasn’t enough for Joy. As soon as her lungs refilled, she screamed, “More! Sunny! Fuck me! Fuck me! Oh god!” She was practically numb everywhere, except for every square inch of her that the dildo rubbed, slid, and vibrated against. Her arms and legs wrapped around Sunny on their own.

Joy, eyes half closed, barely registered when Sunny slowed down to grab and open the extra package. She did, however, notice the sudden prodding feeling at her asshole.

“Sun--”

She couldn’t even finish Sunny’s name before something slipped its way into her butt. Her vision cleared up enough to see that even while she continued thrusting, Sunny had one hand tucked between them, and it was the source of the extra intrusion.

A couple more thrusts though, and Joy was lost to the pleasure again. She started to pant instead of scream or moan, or perhaps she was whimpering, or speaking fluent Polish. Joy couldn’t have said one way or the other. Another orgasm hit. And another. And another. She knew some time was passing between each one, but whether it was seconds or days between no longer mattered. Her mind was fading out of existence.

Until, that is, it wasn’t.

With seemingly no provocation, Joy suddenly remembered Cheungae. She had been meaning to talk to Sunny about him before they had gotten drunk. Her mind wandered, far, far more than it normally would during such intense sex.

Cheungae had taken her out several times since their first, less-than-professional meeting at the MAMAs with Wheein. Even though Joy knew he was struggling financially, he always insisted on paying for coffee, but would give up if he saw the bill when Joy took him to some of the much higher end restaurants.

He was always so polite, genuine, and humble. He didn’t even question when Joy told him they couldn’t be in a relationship, but instead insisted that they could be friends. Joy wondered if it was fair to him that she was treating him as a boyfriend in every way but name while she was still having a grand old time fucking everyone else in the industry. Cheungae knew about it, but wasn’t part of it.

And yet, sex with Cheungae made Joy feel good. Great, even. She could recreate the sensations in her mind for days afterward. His slim, toned figure hovering over her, his face contorted beautifully in adorable agony, his admittedly mediocre cock managing to hit her just right with every move. She couldn’t stop picturing him.

Another orgasm smashed through Joy’s illusion. The mental image of perfectly human Cheungae was instantly replaced with the very physical image of god-like Sunny. As tended to happen, Joy held her breath as the climax coursed through her. Her muscles contracted until she was holding Sunny in a deathly grip.

“F-fuck. Sunn-ny. Slow… slow down.”

It seemed that the request was desperately needed by both lovers, because rather than simply slow down, Sunny fell over. Joy’s pussy immediately craved to be filled again, but she knew she needed to clear her head. And besides that, she still had an odd full sensation. When her muscles relaxed enough for her to move of her own volition, she reached beneath herself and recoiled again at the feeling of a drenched butt plug. Her fingertips carried a puddle of mixed cum and lube back up.

“I’m sorry… Joy… I think that’s all I have left in me,” Sunny said between gasps.

Joy made note of her own throat and how dry it was. Whatever sound she was making while she borderline hallucinated, she’d be regretting it for a while. “All good. I was losing my sanity. That was unbelievable.”

Sunny giggled. It sounded painful. “The vibrator… or the surprise plug?”

Joy giggled back. “The plug was definitely a surprise. Was that the one with Jiu's face in it?”

“Mhm.”

“Cool,” Joy sat up, her head swimming in the aftermath. “But I just think it was you using the stuff that made it so good.”

Sunny seemed invigorated by the compliments. She smiled and reached under the bed, making some noise and bringing up a bottle of water. The two of them swapped it back and forth until it was empty and then collapsed into one another, idly feeling each others' bodies up the whole time.

“Does that mean you’re up for another… night like this? Or day?” Sunny asked as she fondled Joy’s tits. It sounded like she had sobered up, at least most of the way. Joy was too afraid of what she would see to look at a clock.

“You fucking know it,” Joy responded while she brushed her fingers up and down Sunny’s inner thighs. It was a reflex for her to agree, but she cringed inwardly as soon as she did, realizing how much more sober she had become herself, and how she wished she wasn’t. She was thinking about Cheungae again.

There was a barrage of light kisses all over her face, neck, and chest. Sunny looked far too happy for Joy to feel okay about retracting her statement.

“Maybe not right now though,” Joy said, just in case Sunny was already getting ideas. “We should really get to bed.”

She didn’t hear any arguments. They simply got up, and only long enough to flip up the duvet, flinging all of the remaining sex toys off, and jumped underneath.

It took a minute for Joy to realize she needed to remove the surprise butt plug. It was easy enough, and she ended up tossing it to the floor without looking at it.

Joy wrapped herself around Sunny. She was usually the big spoon, not that it bothered her. Sunny’s bare back felt comfortably hot against her chest and stomach. Cheungae liked being the big spoon too. He’d swap with her all the time…

“Hey, Sunny?”

“Mmm?” Sunny was on the verge of sleep, it seemed.

Joy lowered her voice, barely above a whisper. “Have you ever thought about… Settling down, I guess? Just being with one person?”

She didn’t expect Sunny to have an immense store of wisdom, but she hoped for more than what she got: a snore.

“Good night to you too, Sunny.”

#red velvet smut #snsd smut #girls generation smut #joy #sunny

156 notes · View notes

hellogoodbye14 · 3 years

Text

Being with me - Gwynriel (One Shot)

So much going on: Cake stealing, wishes on a star, flirting and a very sick Gwyn who needs to be taken care of…

Some parts are inspired by “From Lukov With Love”

Side Note: And there will be a bonus scene later of them swimming in the lake together

Velaris was a beautiful sight all the time but at night? It was something else. All the stars in the sky were brilliantly bright and Gwyn thought they just seemed so much closer here than they did at other courts.

She was on another one of her daily walks with Azriel. Ever since Mor and Emerie started spending more time together, Gwyn was constantly third wheeling in her free time. Azriel was facing the same trouble with his friends as well. They ended up talking more at group hangouts and became fast friends, months passed by and Azriel had managed to get Gwyn out of the library more.

He did so well that they hung out everyday after their duties were finished, it had become a sort of tradition. At times, he would come by the library and lean against the shelves until she was finished organising the last papers, or she would visit him at his office and wait until he finished his reports.

Tonight, they had decided to try the new restaurant near the rainbow and she felt so full afterwards that she practically begged for a longer walk.

The long walk was great but the weather? The weather was crap. It was so cold that Gwyn was barely able to keep herself from shivering. Why did she have to keep herself from showing she was cold? Well because Azriel had repeatedly told her to grab a jacket before they left and she didn’t. After they started walking , he offered his own but she refused saying he was a wuss for feeling cold. She did not want to admit defeat. Nopsey daisy.

“Gwyn.”

“Yeap?”

“Your face is turning blue. Just take the damn jacket, you’ll get sick otherwise.”

“I’m not cold.”

He paused her stride by holding her elbow and then took off his jacket. She tried getting away but he put it around her shoulders while muttering, “So damn stubborn.”

“I’m not stubborn”, she sniffed at him while cuddling into his jacket some more.

It smelled nice. It smelled like him… like citrus and damp earth.

He just snorted and ushered her on, they walked towards their favourite spot near the lake on the foothills of the eastern mountains. Nobody used to come here at this time of the night and they always enjoyed the silence and serenity.

Azriel unpacked the dessert they took for leftover and handed Gwyn her slice of chocolate cake.

Azriel had his cheesecake which looked so much better than her cake and she found herself eyeing it. One new thing she learned about Azriel? He hated sharing food. Absolutely hated it. He was almost possessive of it and she found it utterly adorable. Obviously to annoy him about it, she often stole a fry, took a sip from his milkshake, snatched an onion ring… and today? Today it would be a bite of that cake.

He must have seen her eyeing it and groaned, “Gwyn no!”

“Gwyn yes!”

“No, no, no. I told you to get two slices.”

“I can’t finish two!”

He offered her a bored look.

“Okay, yeah I could given that I have a massive sweet tooth but still.”

“Nu uh.”

“Just one bite”, she pouted.

Azriel stared at her lips for a bit and she felt her stomach flutter.

He shook his head a little bit, as if he was shaking his head clear and then smiled.

“You’re a pain in my ass, Red”, he said as he forked a bite and held it out to her.

She leaned in, took the bite off the fork and moaned.

“Cauldron, that’s good.”

They sat for a while and talked. She had just started recovering from a laughing fit hearing about Nyx’s jam attack on his parents story, when a shooting star blazed through the sky.

“Make a wish!”, she squealed.

“Pardon?”

“Shooting star Az, make a wish!”

She made hers, knowing it might not come true but still making it just in case.

When she opened her eyes, Azriel was looking at her. She couldn’t help but stare back, the moonlight shone on his face and his eyes…. his eyes were mesmerising. She felt herself lean towards him, which was weird because he was already sitting so close to her. Any more closer and she’d be on his lap.

God Gwyn, where is your head going at!

She shook herself out of it and noticed a disappointing look on Azriels face. No… that couldn’t be true? Could it?

He smiled at her and stared back at the lake.

She waved towards it, “Have you ever taken a swim in it?”

“Yes, often enough actually. I used to go after training, sometimes before even.”

She frowned.

“But you always came dry to the training…”

He smirked a devilish grin and looked at her, “Well you don’t need any clothes for swimming do you?”

She smiled and gasped at the same time.

“Can you specify the times you go skinny dipping?”

“Why?”

“To see the show of course!”, she teased.

He laughed and bumped his shoulder against hers.

“Perv.”

Gwyn shrugged, showing she wasn’t ashamed of that title at all.

“I’d love to swim here.”

“Yeah? You like to swim?”

She nodded, “I love it, I used to do it a lot before.”

“We’ll swim then, not today because its too cold but later in the week.”

She clapped her hands, “Really?”

“Yes”, he wiggled his eyebrows a bit, “Preferably completely naked.”

She gasped in shock and he laughed.

“Valkyrie, if you get a floor show then it’s only fair that I get one in return.”

She pushed him as she laughed, “And you called me the perv!”

————————————————————————

The next day

“What’s wrong with you?”, asked Azriel about five minutes after Gwyn came out for training.

This wasn’t the first time he was asking.

She felt like utter shit. Absolute shit.

She made sure to pinch her cheeks before coming to add colour to her pale face. Made sure to look as if nothing was wrong. Emerie had bought it but the minute she stepped into the training ring, Azriel had frowned and asked her what was wrong with her.

“Nothing at all.”

She tried doing a spinning kick but stumbled out of it and landed on her ass.

She didn’t want to tell him she was sick, because one he would rant at her for not listening last night, and two, it would also mean she couldn’t train. And she really had to train because Rhys had finally given her her own mission. The only term? He would check to sure her training was absolutely perfect.

Now her entire body was burning up, every muscle between her knees and chin ached. She felt like her head was going to explode. Just standing up was taking everything out of her. Even her throat felt like sandpaper, but she wouldn’t tell anybody this since the mission was in five days.

Flopping onto her back, she let out a groan.

Footsteps headed closer and she knew just by the synchronisation of the steps that it was Azriel.

“Gwyn, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

His boots came into view.

“You’re full of—” , she saw his hand reaching for her upper arms too late. She knew her arms would be hot. His hands grabbed her right above the elbows and just as quickly let them go. Azriels hands went to her forearms, gripped them for a second and then let them go again.

“Gwyn, what the fuck?” he hissed, she felt his palms on her cheeks.

He cupped her face and then used his other hand to check her forehead. He cursed so much that she let out a giggle, “If Nyx was here you’d have to put 10 gold marks in the swear jar by now.”

He just glared at her. Guess he didn’t find her humour amusing.

“You’re burning up.”

Gwyn groaned at the coolness of his hands on her and whispered, “No shit?”

He ignored her comment and checked the back of her neck. She groaned at the feeling of it.

“She’s got a fever?” she faintly heard Rhysand ask as she started lowering herself slowly down. She lowered herself until she was sprawled spread eagle on the floor, her cheek on the cold damp earth. Arms and palms flat on it too.

It was cold as hell, but it felt amazing.

She could hear Azriel talking to Rhys. Rhys had taken over for Cassian at training today because he and Nesta were needed at Autumn Court.

“Give me a minute,” she said as loudly as she could.

She heard something that sounded like “stubborn” above.

She sighed, a nap sounded so good right now.

“Never mind, five minutes please,” she whispered numbly.

“Okay, roll over, Gwyn,” a feminine voice she was pretty sure belonged to Emerie said from somewhere over her head.

“No.”

If she could just close her eyes for five minutes….

There was a sigh and then something that had to be fingers at one of her shoulders.

She didn’t fight it. She didn’t move. Somehow, they rolled her over, and she had just let them.

“Five minutes, please,” she whispered, licking her lips.

“Five minutes my ass,” Azriel replied a moment before something started forcing her shoulder upward.

She felt a strong arm lace around her shoulder and another arm behind her knees. She was being lifted up and she had to close her eyes as the sunlight made her head ache more.

“I know Madja is in the library meeting Clotho,” said Rhys, Emeries voice sounded, “I’ll get her while you continue training the rest. Az can take Gwyn up.”

“Sounds good”, agreed Rhys.

“Meet you in the guest room” she heard Azriel respond, drawing me closer to his chest.

Oh Cauldron. He was carrying me.

“Put me down. I’m fine,” she croaked, feeling anything but fine.

“No,” was the one and only thing that came out of his mouth.

“Fuck, Azriel. Put me down. I’m going to throw up.”

“You’re not going to throw up,” he said, carrying me and keeping clear strides.

“I am.”

“No, you’re not.”

“I don’t want to throw up on you,” she whined.

“I don’t care if you do, but I’m not putting you down. Suck it up or swallow it, Red” he said.

Azriel sighed. “I’ll put you down in a minute. Quit squirming,” he ordered. His breathing steady even as he held her up in his arms.

She was going to blame being dizzy on why she did what she did. She let her head rest against that curve between his shoulder and neck. She pressed her forehead against his cool neck and let out a breath.

He walked them into the house of wind and up to the floor she knew he lived on. He opened the guest room and gently deposited her on the bed.

She shook again, hot and cold at the same time. Putting her hands up to cover her face, she held back a moan.

This was what dying felt like. It had to be.

“You’re not dying, dumbass,” Azriel said a second before something was laid over her body. She opened her eyes to see him tucking the blanket around her. He then moved out of her vision and came back to place a wet towel on her forehead.

“Thank you.”

Azriel moved out of her vision again and she felt him take off her boots.

Then he said, “Sit up, Red.”

She did, or at least she tried to sit up, but her body wasn’t functioning.

He made some sound that came out like a huff, then his hand went to her neck, lifting it and her head higher.

He then sat on the bed and laid her head back down on his thigh.

“Drink this,” he ordered as something smooth and hard touched her lip.

She opened her eye to see him holding a glass to her mouth. She reached toward it, weak, taking it from him.

“Take these too,” he said afterward, holding up two tablets in his hand.

She glanced at his beautiful face.

“Pain relief tablets, should help until Madja gets here.” he added.

With all the energy she could muster and with his support, she managed to complete the task.

She dropped her head back onto his thigh and closed her eyes.

She felt his fingers touch her hair, gently undoing her braid.

“Good god woman, how many pins are in here?”

She lifted her hand and smacked it on his thigh.

“It’s to keep it in place for training jackass.”

He must have been done taking them all out because he ran his fingers through her hair.

She couldn’t help but sigh as he did it.

She heard Emerie and Madja enter.

Madja checked her over and announced that she had a viral.

“These tonics will help with the pain, make sure to give it to her every two hours.”

Azriel and Emerie both nodded and said that they would.

“You need to put her in a cold bath, that fever is too high.”

“Time to get up,” Azriel whispered. “You need a bath.”

Get up? “No, thank you.”

There was a pause and then, “I’m not asking. Get up.”

“I don’t want to get up,” she whined.

“Okay,” he agreed too easily. “I’ll carry you in.”

“No thanks.”

His voice was low as he said, “I know you don’t want to, and I know you feel bad, but you need to get up. You need to cool down.”

Azriel sighed, but his hand still petted her hair.

“Come on. Get up for me.”

“No.”

There was a snicker and another stroke. “I wouldn’t have thought you were a baby when you got sick,” he said, sounding amused.

Gwyn just groaned in return. Yes she’d heard that before, Caitrin used to say the same thing whenever Gwyn fell sick.

“You’re not going to get up on your own?”

“No.”

There was a pause and a definite sound of amusement when he finally grated out, “If you insist.”

She felt him lift her again and walked towards the bathing room. His each step solid and balanced.

Emerie was following behind and set up the bath. Azriel set her down on her feet but Gwyns balance was off and she started sliding to the floor. Azriel instantly wrapped his arms around her and held her up.

Gwyn could have walked? Maybe.. but she didn’t want to especially since his warm and hard body against her made her feel better.

“You need to undress and get in the bath.”

Emerie walked closer to help but she already had a twisted ankle, so there was no way she could carry Gwyns weight.

Azriel must have determined the same thing because he picked her up and sat her down on the near marble table.

Emerie can help you undress here and I’ll come in later and carry you into the bath.

Gwyn couldn’t help but snicker as she rested her forehead against his chest.

“Skinny dipping floor show came early huh?”

She heard emerie drop a bottle in the distance.

Azriel laughed, “It’s an inside joke Em.”

“No, this time we’ll let you keep on your undergarments”, he added.

Gwyn nodded and he left the bathroom.

Gwyn lifted her arms as Emerie helped her take her training leathers off.

“Skinny dipping with Az, huh?”, teased Emerie.

Gwyn snickered, “It’s not like that.”

“Sure sure”, replied Emerie with clear sarcasm in her voice.

Azriel came back when Emerie told him to. He picked Gwyn up and placed her into the bath.

“In you go, champ.”

————————————————————————

She was dead asleep when something—or someone—hit her forehead.

Then that something—or someone—hit her three more times, one right after the other.

She snapped her eyes open to find Azriel leaning over her, his fist held just a couple inches away from her face.

“Wake up. It’s time for your next tonic.”

She blinked.

“Did you seriously wake me up by using my head as a drum?”

“Did you prefer another way me waking you up?”

She sniffed, “Yes.”

He snickered.

“Come on, here’s the first tonic.”

She sat up to take it and then gulped back the horrible taste.

“What is that? It’s horrible.”

“It’s medicine. It’s supposed to be horrible, here there’s another two.”

“No.”

Those hazel eyes stayed locked on her.

She could see the sigh he let out in his shoulders. “Take the damn pills. Your fever still hasn’t broken,” he ordered.

She just shook her head and buried herself in the blanket.

“You’re going to take them, or I’m going to make you take them.”

Ugh.

“Asshole”, she whispered.

He beamed at her and helped her take the next two tonics.

“You feel any better?” he asked.

“Little,” she whispered, because she was.

“Soup?”

“You made it?”

“No, I decided to stay and keep an eye. Rhys and Emerie made it for you.”

“Yes please.”

He helped her to the soup and then got up to leave.

“Are you leaving?”, she tried not sounding disappointed.

“I was just going to leave the dishes outside. I’ll be back.”

Azriel returned a few moments later and laid down next to her on the bed. Without thinking about it, she scooted closer to him, wanting the affection.

Something landed softly on her head and she figured he was resting his head or cheek on top of her.

She let the sound of his heartbeat lull her to sleep again, but before she did, she drowsily murmured,

“Thank you for being with me Az.”

“Always Red.”

#acotar #acowar #acosf #acomaf #gwyn #azriel #gwynriel #gwynriel fic #gwyneth berdara #shadowsinger

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