#i made SO many poor decisions back then for this same reason and i get so fucking mad at myself sometimes

[werewolf4vampire]

did more reading about lip and tongue piercings and finding out that i probably am NOT a good candidate at all for either bc of my prior horrible dental hygiene, resulting in my mouth being FILLED with fillings and crowns and having veneers and gotten gum grafts, bc i was so physically ill and depressed and traumatized that i was planning to kill myself by 18 so i didn't give a fuck about taking care of my teeth for like 7 years is, ironically, making me wanna kms

[idsb]

help me make sense of what's real and what's not, pleaseeeee. what happened with her cars? I'm seeing so much misinformation going around and I don't understand what's true anymore. like why didn't she have police with her? it truly seems like the authorities are retaliating against her because of her decision to postpone. it was the right thing for everyone involved, and I hope that this doesn't prevent her from trying again next tour and learning from how t4f operates and making sure to put into writing preventative measures

so, everything about her "hotel being leaked" and "people harassing her there" is total misinformation. Here is, as far as I'm aware, a complete list of the bad things that have actually happened:

a 23 year old girl named Ana died at the show. She passed out during Cruel Summer, was taken out of the venue, and was unable to be revived.

This was due to the heat wave and lack of water, an estimated 1,000 people fainted at the show for the same reasons

At lots of concerts in Brazil, there are groups of criminals who will run at the crowds leaving big events in an attempt to rob them. This happened to everyone leaving Taylor's show and there was very poor crowd control to help, which resulted in a VERY bad instance of this and many hearing alleged gunshots. Whether or not there were actually guns I'm uncertain, but either way it resulted in hundreds of fans cowering in fear in a nearby fast food place. They tried to shelter back in the stadium but were not allowed back inside.

it has been reported (allegedly, by people in Brazil) that from the moment Taylor found out about this she wanted to cancel the show, but was not able to due to pressure from the ticketing company

the show was prepped with tons of water bottles and ventilation was being made possible for show #2, but according to Brazilian fans, the venue was not following through on their promise to Taylor to allow bottled water inside; people were being denied them at entry

The mayor of Rio (?) held a press conference and said that Taylor was not doing well over this incident, and there seems to be some tension between the venue and the city council over it. [cannot find a translated source for this but have read about & surmised it]

Taylor called the show off after about half the crowd was inside; ~40 minutes before Sabrina's set.

Lots of people booed when this announcement came out over the loud speaker, but they were booing the fact that it was cancelled, not Taylor herself

Security was very negligent when this cancellation happened, still letting people in for a while and then using force to get them out, and once again it created a really dangerous environment

Taylor was apparently unable to obtain a police escort to the venue for any of the shows. This seems to simply be due to government negligence. As such, she blocked out the license plates on the cars (again I don't have an answer as to why this would've helped because it doesn't make sense to me, but I digress). This is illegal in Brazil, as it is many places in the world. Police seized the vehicles transporting her and her team. It is unclear how she will be getting to the next shows

If any Brazil swifties want to answer any of anon's specific questions or have anything to add please feel free! But since there's been SO much de-centralized info coming out so fast, I hope this helps them and others!

oh and I agree with you, anon. I really hope this ticketing company is put out of business

[gay-dorito-dust]

Hey! Hope you’re having a nice day/night!

Can I request Bi-Han, Kuai Liang and Tomas with a healer!reader? Reader is like a witch/ sorceress  who specializes in healing magic while have a soft and gentle personality.

Thanks!

Tomas Vrbada

‘There we go little buddy, your paw is all better now. Just promise me that you’ll be a little more careful next time okay?’ You whispered as you finished up healing the injured paw of a tabby cat you came across when making a trip up to visit Tomas at the Shirai Ryu. You couldn’t bring yourself to just walk past and ignore the pained cries of the cat, so you immediately dropped everything to aid the poor thing back to full health as best as you could.

The orange tabby cat mewls it’s thanks as it then pushed it’s head into your hand as you were scratching it’s chin, closing it’s eyes and purring deeply in content and bringing a warm smile to your face, before boating off down the way you were heading, brushing past Tomas’ pant leg in the process. Your smile widened upon seeing the him as you quickly hauled yourself off the ground, dusting yourself down of dust and dirt before addressing the man who was smiling at you fondly.

‘How long have you been watching me?’ You asked softly.

‘Long enough to see you contemplating in bringing home a stray cat.’ Tomas teased upon seeing your flustered face.

If there was one thing Tomas adored most about you was your kindness and your willingness to help others in need. It was actually one of the many things that had drew him to you, along with how soft and gentle you were when tending to his wounds upon your first meeting. Needless to say from that day onwards you were constantly on Tomas’ mind.

‘I wasn’t going to…’ you murmured under your breath, distracting yourself from staring at his handsome face by fiddling with your fingers. ‘I came here to visit you but if I’m going to get teased like this then I’ll just leave.’ You huffed but Tomas was quick to step into view with a wide smile on his face as his hand reached for one of your own to hold, before beginning to pull you along with him towards the direction of the Shirai Ryu. ‘No need to make rash decisions now sweetheart.’ Tomas said, feeling beyond ecstatic in getting the opportunity to spend the rest of his day with you after a less then desired morning.

Your presence made him feel as though everything was alright and Tomas knew that he would be an utter fool to not take advantage of getting to coo at the inherent cuteness of a pair of blue jays cuddling up to one another, whilst doing exactly the same thing. Being within your company healed Tomas’ soul and he couldn’t help but be thankful for you entering his life, for it was a gift he wasn’t going to throw away anytime soon.

Kuai Liang

‘It’s only a scratch my beloved, nothing you should waste your efforts on.’ Kuai Liang tried to reason with you as you healed the last of his wounds from his previous mission. Thankfully it wasn’t anything too serious, just a couple of gashes and several small cuts and bruises littering his face, however that didn’t change the fact that you never liked when Kuai Liang came home with any form of injury. You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest. ‘Well there not your decision to make Kuai Liang. You were hurt and I just so happen to have the ability to heal you of your hurt, so let me use my magic for it’s intended purpose.’ You rebutted.

‘I understand that sweetheart.’ Kuai Liang utters as he holds your hands within his own, thumbs stroking the inside of your wrists. ‘And I’m not trying to change that in anyway, it’s just that I don’t want you wasting energy on low scale injuries.’ Kuai Liang’s tender smile then became a frown as he continued to speak. ‘Whilst it’s admirable that you want to treat every possible injury. I just fear that there will be the day where you’re forced to make a harsh decision that you aren’t ready to make just yet.’

You smiled at Kuai Liang’s concern as you rest your forehead against his. ‘I’m aware of the fact that I can’t heal everyone, at least not yet.’ Your face sobered up upon a particular memory. ‘I have faced moments in my life where I’ve had my hand forced to making the hard call on who could and couldn’t be saved because of my limitations. It breaks my heart knowing I can’t heal everyone, I’ve heard it all before from everyone about how my dream is unrealistic.’

Kuai Liang tightened his grip on your hands reassuringly. ‘How do you power through all that grief and scrutiny my heart?’ He asked, genuinely wanted to know how such a sweet and gentle soul like yours could remain that way despite everything you’ve witnessed. You only smiled before shrugging. ‘I strive to become the impossible and learn from my shortcomings. I will try to heal everyone and if that fails then I’ll heal those to make up for the ones that I couldn’t.’

Kuai Liang couldn’t help but find your reasonings admirable and felt pride at the fact that despite everything you’ve seen and done, you were still blessed with your harmonious soul, your golden heart and healing hands. It truly was a testament to your strength, love and durability and Kuai Liang knew that you were destined to becoming the impossible, and so he’ll help in anyway he knows how because if there was anyone who could do it. It was you and Kuai Liang firmly believed that.

Bi-Han

‘Bi-Han, you’re hurt.’ We’re the first words the left your mouth upon seeing him outside your door, clutching at his side that was obviously the biggest cause of his discomfort. ‘Why aren’t you getting examined by the medics,’ you began to question. ‘Why come here when you’re obviously in great pain?’ Your eyes followed after him as he only offered a grunt in response before bypassing you and entering the room, heading towards the bed where he struggled to find a more comfortable way to sit down that didn’t agitate the wound.

‘Enough with the questions.’ Bi-Han growled through gritted teeth, his eyes clenched shut as he tried to block out the pain.

‘At least tell me why you didn’t go for a proper medical examination?’ You pleaded as you made your way to his side, immediately starting to examine the severity of his wound, but from what you can determine so far was that the wound wasn’t that deep; however it was still enough of an problem to cause issues with performing basic level tasks. ‘You have possibly the best of the medics within their field down there and yet you come here instead and force me to watch you writhe in pain?’

‘Does it even matter if I happen to put more trust in you to heal me then those medics you happen to speak so highly of.’ Bi-Han stated, taking you off guard with his sudden appraisal.

‘You trust me?’ You asked, meekly gesturing to yourself.

‘Yes, why do you think that every time i get injured I always happen to come here.’ Bi-Han said, staring at you as you recalled the moments where Bi-Han would come to your room with a new injury for almost every mission he went on. It was so obvious to recognised the pattern now compared to back then, but none of that mattered as you reminded yourself of the fact that Bi-Han was very much lying on your bed in pain.

You put on a professional front as you helped put Bi-Han into a more comfortable position. ‘Alright, now let’s see what we’re working with here.’ You said to yourself, fuelled by your need to meet to prove to Bi-Han that he was right to place his truth within you. Meanwhile Bi-Han in question could only watch you work your magic -no pun intended- with a neutral expression but within his dark eyes, besides flickers of pain, was a sense of pride. Bi-Han knew he was right to have trusted you long ago with nursing his wounds and even though he wouldn’t verbally admit it, he felt safer within your care and knew that if he showed an ounce of emotion unbecoming of a Grandmaster; you would never view him any differently nor speak of it to anyone outside of this room, which was probably the main reason why he entrusted you to heal him.

Trust was something Bi-Han didn’t give out willingly and neither did he just to just anyone. So to be blessed with the knowledge that Bi-Han trusted you to help him in his most vulnerable state, there was no need for any further clarification for Bi-Han often spoke his loudest through his actions. So when you finally finished healing him, all he did was give you a silent look of recognition of your efforts, before reaching out for your hands to then press two separate kisses to the palms of your hands of where your magic lies within to show his appreciation for your gift.

‘It was nothing.’ You’d then say, still not use to having so much of his undivided attention.

‘It’s more than nothing.’ Bi-Han said, ‘you deserve every ounce of recognition for what you do. It’s a gift, don’t waste it.’ He concluded before leaving your room.

[m1ssunderstanding]

Get Back Rewatch 55 Years On: Day 13

Ah it’s “coordinate with the carpet” day.

John could probably say “2+2=3” and Paul would be like “Oh you're sooo right, John.”

Literally the ADHD antics (jumping over a chair because it’s there and you can and it would be funner than going around) are so relatable.

Ringo putting Zac’s picture up? I don’t know much about him as a dad. Does anyone know? I mean I know part of the reason he and Mo left india was because they missed their kids, and in late 66 when John was making HIWTW and Paul was working on TFW and George was off learning filthy eastern ways, Ringo stayed home and ‘enjoyed the baby’. Was he a really good dad?

John: I really liked how that lead singer was singing so soft and nice. Paul: like this, John? Like this? John? John, look at me, do you like this?

Literally why are you even there, Yoko. Like, genuinely, not for the bands sake or anything, but for your own sake, go find somewhere else to be! Something, something, one of the few ways to find success as a woman was to attach yourself to a man and she was hustling with the best feminist tools available okay, okay. Ugh, I just don't know if I could stomach it.

I heard John say “Rickie and the Red Streaks” and I was like, ummm, did you mean “Suzie and the Red Stripes”? But apparently it’s a real band. They were in the same Cavern show as the Beatles when they came back from Hamburg but never made it big. And Paul was purposely referencing them with Linda's pretend band because, as he said, he would have been happy to just have been them instead of the Beatles. 

“John, can you take a little bit of bass off your guitar?” The faces. Paul told him to take some bass off a minute ago, didn't he? Or he just knows how much John hates to be told that. Anyway it's the silent communication for me.

Paul: *stops his little wordless moan-singing for two seconds*. John: Everybody had a wet drea–SING, Paul! Paul: Ooohh yeah! He’s sooo happy I’m melting. Paul McCartney wants one thing in this life, and it’s for John Lennon to tell him to sing.

“He would’ve been president, you know.” John, bless your naive, lovely heart. 

Paul: shrieking. John: moves the microphone the way a mom takes the sharpie out of her toddler’s hand. 

“If you can get ‘em off Mimi’s wall.” I have a hard time with Mimi. Sometimes she’s adorable. Sometimes she’s horrible. I really can’t get a read. And maybe that was the problem. Maybe John couldn’t either. 

This moment. My little ND baby. Someone just hit your g spot, didn’t they? But to be fair, it is incredibly impressive. Billy has never heard the song before, and he just jumps in with the perfect fill? I love Billy. So talented, such a cutie, so cool, so kind. And look at him. Having such a good time.

The silent communication again here. “Are you hearing this?” “Yeah, baby, I’m hearing this.” Then, John vocalizes the decision. How many Beatles decisions were made like this? Thinking specifically of Brian's account of their decision for him to manage, but probably this happened constantly. 

Yoko reading “The Beatles Complete History”. I love that she’s like, “Everything John tells me is ‘Paul this, Paul that, wah, wah, wah’. I need to get some cold hard facts.” 

Billy’s piano actually is insanely sexy though.

John: *complains about his rock and roll finger* Paul, turning up the scouse: Come on, son, now try your hardest. John continues, soft, needy' Lookie, look at him. *holding up his finger* Paul, genuine: Ah, I know. I just love the different ways they take care of each other. 

Poor George, dissociating himself into another dimension as John’s crooning about Paul’s eating habits. Look. At. How. He’s. Looking. At. Him. You’d think Paul was in that moment creating the heavens and the earth. Nope. Just rocking back and forth like a catatonic, probably getting crumbs all in his greasy beard.

But seriously HOW is everyone in this room watching these two men, taking in to account all of their behaviors, scream "All I want is you!" at each other and not forcing them immediately into either fucking or therapy or both?!

Ringo’s holey pocket, my beloved. 

The guy with the RP accent and the suit coming up to John like the bad guy in every American children’s movie. “I’ve spoken to Mr. Klein.” Dun, dun, dun.

[chaoticlandworlder]

Legit so disgusting how so many ppl are jumping at the chance to criticise Max. In the past few days, I've seen so many social media comments calling him names like 'brat', 'manchild', 'immature' etc. + belittling his racing skills.

So many ppl are also completely spinning their own narrative, acting as if Max is the only driver to ever be heated up during a high-adrenaline race. According to them, Schumi, Senna, Lewis etc. have never lost their cool and always take the blame for every single incident. (Note: this is NOT a hate post ok- any driver examples I use is just to show the hypocrisy of these ppl. I mentioned these drivers cuz it's based off genuine comments I saw.)

First of all, Max had every reason to be upset during the race. The major Hungary updates RBR had been hinting at for weeks underwhelmed (don't give me the 'it's still fast anyway'- this is F1. Every driver and team expects their car to be the fastest, not just fast. If you don't understand that, you don't get the point of F1- an engineering competition. Also RBR has been struggling with the same kerbs issue since 2022.), with Max struggling with various issues during the race.

Additionally, the strategy was not great; Max gave the 1st pitstop decision a pass, but then they repeated it for the 2nd pitstop. RBR was hoping that the tyre delta would salvage the race but c'mon, Christian Horner admitted after the race that they got the data wrong and miscalculated how fast they needed to gap the others cars per lap to overtake. From Max's pov, RBR repeated the mistake of the 1st pitstop, allowing him to be undercut again, by both Lewis and Charles, dropping him back to 5th when he started 3rd, on a track known to be hard to overtake. Furthermore, this race was more a race of undercutting than actual on-track overtakes; one prominent example that showed the power of the undercut in this race was Lando, who was stuck behind Oscar for the vast majority of the race. Yet once they undercut Oscar, Lando ended up 3s+ ahead of Oscar, with the gap increasing to ~5s+ as the laps went on, with Oscar unable to catch up. To make matters worse, Max had told the team that undercutting was impt BEFORE the race. Finally, I love GP (Max's race engineer) but honestly they were just antagonising each other during the race. The most obvious example was the sarcastic remark of 'some gentle introduction' after Max did a fast outlap so that he could catch Charles and Lewis, which just made Max even more frustrated. After which, there was literally radio silence for 15 mins, no communication of modes, gaps etc. Max himself mentioned after the race that it did not help that instead of being a calming presence, they (presumably RBR, including GP) did not listen to him and even argued with him. So this mixture of the team not listening to him, repeating the same mistake twice, underwhelming upgrades and poor communication on the radio contributed to Max frustrations in the car. (Oh but according to crofty (sky sports) it's cuz Max did not get his beauty sleep despite Max having followed his standard sleep schedule. Because sleep outranks good strategy and the best car in F1. 🤡 Kids these days and their simracing.)

Could Max have been more polite? Ideally, ig. But GP too was confrontational when he should have been trying to resolve the issues with Max. Was Max wrong in terms of calling out the strat? No. Also, it's so easy for ppl to judge, lazing on their couch. This is a high adrenaline sport for goodness sake, with millions of dollars on the line and millions of people watching their every move. Randos get pissed off at a slow moving vehicle on a normal road; imagine how it would be to be a racing driver going at ~200mph, with the expectations of the team, fans etc. weighing down on you.

Some are arguing that Red Bull generally does well so Max has no right to be upset. Lol. Idk how ppl don't get it into their heads that this is a SPORT. In every sport, any top performing athelete and team knows that every single match/race/point etc matters. You're not there to say "Oh we've won in the past so let's just throw away some games". You're always there to deliver your best. With this kinda logic, Lewis should also have no right to be upset/disappointed with Mercedes cuz didn't they deliver him a championship winning car for years? Idk lmao this particular line of logic is so weird.

I've also seen so many people saying things along the lines of "Max always complains", "Max can't win without the car"- a really weird one considering one only has to look at the recent races to debunk that, "Max blames everything on the team" etc. Be so fr literally every driver 'complains'. A notable case was Austria 2023, where Toto had to come on the race to tell Lewis to 'just drive the car' because he kept going on about it in multiple races last year. Most of the time they're just giving feedback. When they're genuinely 'complaining', it's often cuz they've been screwed over by their own team. See some cases just in this race alone: Alex on the indecisive tyre choice by Williams, Daniel on the screwed up strat by by VCARB. Max wasn't even wrong about the strat. The comment that 'Max blames everything on the team/ When everything goes well it's him, when it doesn't it's the team' is so laughable because if there is one driver on the grid that is consistent in thanking his team and rarely himself, it's Max. You literally just have to see the previous race, Silverstone 2024 where he could've easily said him making all the right calls to pit was essential to getting P2 in the end. Instead, he gave the credit to the team. He's also quick to apologise when he's in the wrong. See Spa quali 2023 after his outburst in Q2. Or when he bought ice cream for GP a few years back to apologise. Also idk where ppl get the idea Max treats his team like shit? Time and time again, people who worked with him have mentioned how they love working with him. For this particular weekend, he literally treated the team to dinner the night before the race but these ppl will never talk about that. What's said on the radio is in the heat of the moment, which ALL the drivers have done. And Max wasn't wrong either; maybe ideally he would have conveyed it nicer, but again, they're all pumped up on adrenaline.

As for the incident, it wasn't even that bad? It looked bad cuz the wheels touched, making Max's car fly up + cuz it was btwn Max and Lewis, certain 'fans' immediately jumped into their hate frenzy. Idk I find it so weird that people keep harping on about it when Lewis said immediately after the race that it was a racing incident. (Those clowns trying to liken Max to Alonso in Austria 2024 need to rewatch the collisions instead of looking at static pictures is all I can say lol cuz Alonso's was straight up a T-bone while Max-Lewis was a wheel bang.) And anyway, ALL drivers get into incidents no matter their accomplishments (Lewis in Monza 2023, Charles hitting Lando in fp this year, Carlos-Oscar in Miami 2024 etc.). The narrative that Max gets into incidents more than the other drivers is just untrue. In fact, this brings me to my next point. The moment Max is half of any incident, regardless of whether he is at fault, so many scumbags immediately completely trash him like a bunch of rabid dogs. For example, Max-George last year at Las Vegas 2023, where Max was not at fault at ALL; George even admitted he wasn't looking in his mirrors. Or Lap 1 Turn 1 of that same race, where ppl to this day are shitting on Max for 'pushing' Charles off-track- when there was literally an oil spill on his grid spot before the race, making that side slippery despite efforts to clean it up, with others like Alonso and Carlos spinning at the same point Max 'pushed' Charles. His onboard then even showed he tried to steer in but the car didn't budge. Besides, he got a penalty that slowed him down a lot (when Lap 1 Turn 1 incidents don't usually get a penalty- idk how ppl can think the FIA favours him lmfao- and no matter what the haters who prob didn't even watch the race said; serving the penalty in the pitstop dropped Max much further back than just swapping positions would have) AND he apologised to Charles right after the race (but noooo he never takes the blame).

The hate ppl have for Max (and tbh, some other drivers) is honestly quite alarming and weird. Like, these grownass ppl are hating on a 26 year old at the top of his game lol. It doesn't help that the media (especially the British media) feeds, if not started, this hatred frenzy. Just see Austria this year, where the media and 'fans' completely blew the incident between Max and Lando out of the water, only for multiple current and ex F1 drivers to call them out on their bs lmao. Again, for Austria 2024, Lando and Max spoke after the race too. But it doesn't fit their narrative so these ppl will never bother to mention this.

Slight tangent but for ppl who try to justify it by saying 'oh it's how it is cuz Max is dominating'- I understand where yall are coming from (see Seb 2013 lol), but the hatred for Max is particulary overwhelming because there are much more fans now, mainly due to DTS and consequently, F1 becoming popular/more popular on social media platforms like TikTok, Twitter etc. As such, Max is arguably facing higher levels of vitrol, since DTS didn't exactly favour him (understatement of the year lol) and many fans who 'watch' F1 through social media just jump on the hate bandwagon without actually watching races/fact-checking. This is worsened by how the media (mainly the Brit media) jumps at every opportunity to put Max down. Sky Sports in particular, being the main broadcast for most fans, often feeds this hate (esp if David Croft or Ted Kravitz is speaking). Finally, all this is only worsened by how social media allows this hate to circulate much more quickly and widely.

lol sry for the rant but gosh it gets tiring seeing the toxicity of so many F1 'fans'.

[violetrainbow412-blog]

Trust [K. B]

Kaz Brekker x fem!reader

wc: 7.8k

summary: something goes wrong with a heist and Kaz's anger lashes out at you, only later realizing it's not for the reasons you thought.

A/N: I feel like it took me literally YEARS to write this. Someone requested the central idea but I decided to expand a bit and since in anon he mentioned that they like hurt/comfort I hope I have achieved it. I hope you like it, thanks for reading!

warnings: trauma (again)

taglist: @be-lla-vie @milkshake0 @ladespedidas

As soon as you stepped foot inside The Slat, you felt enormous relief to think that you could finally get some rest. The day before, the boss had told you that it was necessary to recover something and had drawn up a general outline of how things would be carried out, so to avoid mistakes, instead of sending just one group, the whole team would go. But at a certain point things had gone wrong and then the whole mission had gone awry. You were scared and everyone else was scared, but you knew that Kaz was probably the most upset about it. He hadn't spoken to anyone since you had to flee the mansion.

“Well, I declare that a resounding failure. Good night, my friends,” Jesper said, holding his side with a wince. Wylan was at his side to catch him in case the pain buckled his knees.

You sighed, defeated, and started walking towards the stairs to take a shower to remove all traces of dust, blood, and shame that you had impregnated on your skin, however, Kaz's cane stopped hitting you in the stomach, blocking your way and suffocating you at the same time.

"Are you crazy?" he asked, his voice raspier than usual. You asked yourself if he was referring to your plans, which he obviously couldn't know about, and why he was upset, but it didn't take anything more to get an answer, "What the fuck was that in the mansion?"

Oh, that is what he meant. 

To recap a bit, your goal that night was to recover a few bags of cash that a new gang at The Barrel had stolen but originally belonged to the Crow Club, i. e you guys. It was a payment for an exchange that Kaz had made days ago with art supplies or something, it was a business that none of you were very involved in.

The black-haired man knew the place where it was kept (he always seemed to know the whole city like the back of his hand) and so he had drawn up a pretty solid plan with which you could get away with it. Regularly his plans contemplated in the most opportune way each of your abilities: guns, stealth, the Grisha qualities, strength, chemicals, and the skills with your hands in which you surpassed the man. It was almost like something in you and your friends used to joke that your hands were a kind of magnet for everything shiny, although those same hands also worked perfectly to use a pick and give access to many places.

Things were going well that night, until you had to make a last-minute decision when you found out that an unknown person was in the place and you wanted to get them out of there so they wouldn't be in the crossfire. That was the 'certain point' I had mentioned before, where everything got screwed up. It was about a poor and defenseless servant girl who started screaming like crazy when she saw you and although you tried to calm her down that was enough to draw the attention of the guards, who came towards you to capture you. And since you were very busy struggling with two armed goons, you couldn't fulfill your part of the plan, which was to open the vault where the money that you were going to steal was. It had been a rather unfortunate chain of events.

"Kaz, you know I didn't mean to…"

"Are you deaf, then?" he interrupted you, ignoring your attempt at justification. He took a step towards you, limping a bit due to the lack of a cane, and then you could see the expression on his face.

You'd only seen Kaz this angry once and the poor man who caused it was already resting in peace, so you cringed in on yourself like a scared little bird.

"Or why didn't you do what we agreed?" you didn't know if he wanted a verbal answer, but even if he had, what could you say to that? It was more than obvious why you had done it "If there is a plan, it is because that plan must be executed as I have said, if not, then what would it be?"

"I shouldn’t…"

"No, you shouldn't," he interrupted again, speaking louder than usual to look imposing. And boy he was doing it. “That was the stupidest thing you've ever done, and all for a damn maid? What were you thinking?

"I wanted to help her"

"Oh really? And how did she thank you? Yelling at the guards to come to get you! Did you think about that before acting? Do you ever consider the consequences?” his voice didn't drop in volume, but rather rose gradually with each word that came out of his mouth.

You were in a panic, somehow strangely having the strength to meet his angry eyes, for you didn't think he would start saying such things to you in front of everyone else, who had been silent since the exchange had begun. You tried to think of anything to defend yourself, but even if you found the right argument you knew you couldn't outsource it due to nerves.

Even with your devoted silence, Kaz did not seem satisfied and he continued speaking.

“You had to follow simple orders: wait for the signal and open the vault. Everyone stayed in their positions. Was it very difficult for you to do that?”

"Kaz, I don't think…" Jesper started to say, trying to help him out of the situation, but he fell silent as he watched the black-haired boy turn his head to look at him. It was true, you guys hadn't seen Kaz in that state more than a few times and even the gunslinger, who loved you immensely, thought it wiser to keep silent if he didn't want the opponent's anger to lash out at him.

"Look at Jesper," he said close to your face. If he hadn't been so averse to touching you, you were sure he would have held your face to keep your gaze on him, because by this point your eyes were cloudy and you were trying to focus on anything other than the conversation “He's hurt. You are hurt. Imagine what would have happened if we hadn't been able to get out in time or if Inej hadn't come to your rescue, do you think those men would have tempted their hearts before killing all of us? Of course not! There's no room for charity here because until that servant was in real danger, she wasn't your problem. You behaved stupidly and those actions affected all of us” Kaz fell silent and you thought that was it. You were with your arms crossed, perhaps as an unconscious act of seeking protection, not daring to look at him.

But he took a few seconds to examine you and then said something else:

It is your fault that we are now in this state; without a single penny in our pockets.

The words your fault, and without a penny were the cause of a tug across your chest. It was useless to hold back the tears that had already treacherously begun to slide down your cheeks and that you wished you had the strength to wipe off with the sleeve of the jacket you were wearing.

In all the time you had belonged to the crows he had never spoken to you like that. There had been disagreements, of course, and he'd even called you out for neglecting some tasks he'd given you, but those kinds of hurtful words were reserved for criminals from whom he extracted information or threatened. That's why you were so upset, because Kaz was terrifying when he put his mind to it and you'd just had the misfortune to experience it firsthand.

The rest of your friends were also perplexed by what had just happened, since most of them had found your outburst in the mansion quite justifiable, since it was an innocent life that you had tried to protect, a very present code always.

The other part that had managed to break you was knowing that the man's annoyance was actually due to the money you had caused him to lose rather than the fact that you or someone else had been in danger. Or at least that was what you had understood by the final sentence.

The silence was sepulchral, no one even dared to breathe harder than usual for fear that he would take them as the next victim, and only a small sob that escaped you broke the silence. You hoped that would soften Kaz’s expression a bit, but he didn't flinch.

A part of you thought, due to shock, to apologize to him, but you weren't even able to. You just stood in the middle of that room under his questioning gaze.

When your body finally wanted to react, you walked directly to the stairs to go up to your room, without even looking back, collapsing on the floor and crying as soon as you closed the door behind you. You didn't even think about taking a shower anymore and the burning pain in your ribs, which you hadn't mentioned to anyone about, intensified. You had to cover your mouth with your hand so that the crying wouldn’t reach the floor below and you felt that everything around you was spinning.

You stayed in that position for a few minutes, which felt like hours, until someone opened the door and stuck their head inside. It was Nina, who had surely gone of her own free will but also partly at the request of others. She could hear your erratic heartbeat and your lungs struggling to hold some air, so it didn't take her more than a second to kneel next to you to wrap her arms around you and start running her hand up and down trying to comfort you. She offered to heal you and you agreed, but through it all you thought that even though the blows on your body burned like hell, what was definitely causing you the most pain was the wounds you just received to your heart.

After that night you could say that the tension in The Slat could be cut with a knife. You thought that the others were also going to blame you for the failure of the heist, with justifiable reasons, but you were pleasantly surprised to find out that this wasn’t the case, since they all told you so explicitly as soon as they had a chance. Matthias, who was most of the time the most mature among you, told you that sometimes things went wrong and that at least he was glad that you were okay; with Nina there, the physical problems could be solved and the money would be recovered somehow. But, to your surprise, it was Kaz they weren't very happy with.

You never meant to start a mutiny against the boss, God knows you didn't, but as much as you tried to change their minds, they were distant and reluctant to talk to Brekker. And Kaz, in turn, didn't exchange a single word with you.

Jesper and Nina were the ones who showed it the most, the first one kept looking down at your friend as if he could make him combust spontaneously with his eyes while the woman simply didn't say anything, as if he were invisible. The rest of the group hadn't cut off the communication suddenly, but it was evident that they weren't entirely happy with the black-haired man's behavior.

Although there were few occasions when the seven of you, or the majority, coincided in the same space, since you were always doing other things around The Barrel or the club.

You weren't the proud type, yet you refused to offer an apology for something that wasn't wrongdoing and finally stopped feeling guilty for applying this silent treatment to thinking that Kaz deserved it. Just a little. Also, if he didn't bother to talk to you, everything would be easier for you, because, although you still did some general tasks, most of the time you spent locked in your room, doing anything to entertain yourself.

If you looked at it from the outside, unaware that you guys were a bunch of criminals living in the same horrible building, that looked like a real teenage fight. But you couldn't blame yourself too much, because you were teenagers.

Sometimes, when he didn't notice, you watched him from afar. You analyzed his expression, his posture, his eyes, anything that would help you figure out if he really cared about your absence or the silence of others. You tried to believe that he was in a bad mood (more than usual) because he wanted you to not be angry anymore, but after a long time you always came to the same conclusion; he was inscrutable, shielded in that armor that you highly doubted could shatter, much less by you. Sometimes you wished you could know what Kaz was thinking so you could figure out if he had noble motives for acting the way he did or if he was just a heartless jerk. And, although your desire to read minds wasn’t fulfilled, you began to bet more on the latter the day a new job was presented. It was, now, a kind of revenge against the men of the opposing gang (who had stolen your business payment in the first place), however, when the meeting took place you noticed that he was skipping a detail. 

"And what will Y/N do?" Jesper had asked, going ahead of you, after listening carefully to the plan and realizing that you weren't contemplated anywhere. You expected Kaz to say you were going to stick with him, even if it was so he could keep an eye on you and avoid another outburst, but when he shook his head you were completely offended.

"She's not coming"

It was one thing to have received a scolding for the mistake made and quite another to be removed from the team just like that. And that Kaz had responded as if you weren't there made you feel completely humiliated and, consequently, angry.

"Great, so now it turns out that I'm grounded," you said sarcastically. It was the first time in weeks that you had spoken directly to Kaz and he just looked at you sideways for a few seconds, as if examining you, which made your blood boil even more "Are you really going to leave me out?" you continued, now with more seriousness than before. You wished he dared to face you with an answer, and you were surprised at how quickly this happened.

"It’s not personal. This time it’s better that you stay” was all the explanation he offered you. The way he said it made it clear to you that it wasn't up for discussion and you felt powerless, but before any of your friends could say anything in your defense, you decided to take it the best way.

If Kaz didn't want you around, you weren't going to make him. If you didn't receive even a measly part of the money from now on, you didn't care. If it was true that you had screwed up, you weren't sorry for anything and you weren't going to give in so easily, despite the love and respect you felt for him.

“Good luck then,” was all you said, offering the best fake smile you could have and purposely patting Kaz on the shoulder. He watched you walk away with eyes wide open in surprise, even though you didn't even notice it when you got lost in the hallway, and it was hard for him to keep his composure as he turned around again to clear up any doubts regarding how the crime would be carried out; although he tried to hide it, almost most of the group could tell.

What the hell did Kaz have against you lately? The others had made mistakes countless times and never suffered consequences as harsh as yours, because probably the hardest part had been dealing with the boss's anger and being forced to find a solution for what they had screwed up. You probably would have offered to get the money back yourself if he had let you end the problem, but you couldn't even do that because you knew it would only fan the fires of anger.

So when you left there everyone thought that things had already gone on too long and someone had to point it out to Kaz.

"Is everything clear?" he asked, looking at the crows and receiving a general nod.

We would have to wait until night to work, so once there was nothing more to say, each one dispersed in opposite directions.

“Inej,” Kaz said, not even looking back. He knew she was there, he always knew, as if there was a connection between the two of them "Everything okay?"

“Everyone is where they should be. The carriage is on its way and the streets are free”

"Good"

“But there is something else we need to talk about”

Kaz was afraid it was something to do with you, and he closed his eyes for a moment at the possibility. They were on a roof, he too close to the shore to be able to supervise that the robbery was carried out effectively, and she took a few steps until she reached his side. The two kept looking down for a few seconds, preparing internally for what was coming; talking about feelings was never one of their strengths.

"What would that be about?”

"About who" she corrected him "This discussion with Y/N has already escalated to exacerbated levels, you didn't have to forbid her to come"

"And what did you want me to do?" he muttered, more upset than he would have liked, and he had to take a deep breath before speaking again, “She's… was impulsive and… she doesn't measure the danger she's putting herself in. She is like a child, without conscience or limits”

“We all know that, but you called her stupid. That's very different."

“I don't want her to end up killing herself,” he said, and Inej caught a hint of sincere concern tinging her friend's voice. Kaz hated seeing himself like this, but there was something about her that made him trust her with that part of him. “Y/N acts with her heart, that's the problem. And I worry that she doesn't know how to control it. I don't want anyone to hurt her and she just doesn't cooperate” he sounded desperate, helpless, and then Inej realized how many things were being ignored by the team about the boss's decisions, apparently cruel, but quite considered in the background. It was like… acting badly for the right reasons. Or something like that.

“Well, if you really do this to safeguard her welfare, you should tell her. Because I don't think you're giving him the right message with your actions” Inej told him. Then she decided that she wasn't going to pry into the matter anymore from that point on, wishing that the conversation had been enough to make the black-haired man see reason.

He thought about it for a second and wished he could ask her more, but then he noticed that, as always, she had already vanished into the night.

Kaz tried very hard to focus on the robbery and stop thinking about you or what it would be wise to say to you, but he was having some trouble. In the next hour, to everyone's surprise in general, things went perfectly; there was no guard, just a driver who didn't resist, and they were coming back with some juicy loot. Almost too easy to be true.

Kaz didn't give much thought to the nature of the success they'd just had and they all just set off, their group spirits much better now that things were looking up.

It would be foolish to deny that Kaz had been thinking about how quickly you would have managed to carry out the robbery and also had missed the joking duo that you formed with Jesper, who now had barely looked at the blue-eyed man.

On the way he got a bit withdrawn and was mentally torturing himself about what was the right thing to do when he got home. After thinking it through, he concluded that he should take Inej’s advice and talk to you to fix things. Brekker wasn't used to apologizing, but at least he could explain things to you the way he had with the girl, so that you would understand better and hopefully forgive him for the idiotic behavior he had been displaying for the past few weeks. Although he was still upset, it was worth putting that aside to try.

After going to the club to save the cash they went back to The Slat and when he stood in front of your door he never thought to feel more nervous in life, while he started to ask himself if that was a good idea. Maybe he should just let time wash away your bad face and carry on as before... but he was also aware that that wouldn't happen.

He hesitated for a long time about whether to knock on your door or not, but after a few minutes he finally did and was frustrated when no one answered, despite a strip of light coming through the door grate.

"Y/N, I know you’re there" he tried, but there was no response. Kaz ran a gloved hand through his hair and exhaled in frustration. "Fine, don't talk to me if you want, but that's not going to stop me from coming to tell you what I came to say," he muttered determinedly. Even trying to communicate assertively, he couldn't help but sound rude. “I didn't mean to yell at you like that when we got back from the heist, I just didn't know what else to do. And today I asked you to stay here because it could be dangerous and I'm trying to take care of you because apparently you don't give a damn about your own life, not because I hate you or because I'm upset with you. It's just that…” he was having a hard time talking, so he had to take a deep breath to collect himself a little “I worry about you. And I want you to be okay. Safe"

Kaz was silent, waiting for you to say something, but again there was nothing. He felt so foolish and embarrassed that he even thought his eyes were going to glaze over with helplessness. He was trying his best to go there, but you didn't seem to care, and honestly, he didn't blame you.

His gaze lowered to the floor, the pressing sensation of rejection flooding his chest, and only then did he notice the glow emanating from a section of the floor. With difficulty he knelt to take the substance with his fingers and his glove was stained with a fine powder that gave off an iridescent glow, which until that moment he had not realized he was scattered over various sections of the corridor. And next to that dust, there was a bloodstain.

Kaz didn't even wait for a second to lunge at your bedroom door and yank it open, which he hadn't done before out of respect for your privacy, only to realize that everything in there was turned upside down. There were remains of a smashed nightstand, books scattered on the floor, the bed in disarray, and sporadic stains of blood that he prayed weren't yours. The window was wide open and the white curtain billowed violently in the night air.

Someone had broken into your room and it wasn't hard to put the pieces together to find out what they had broken into. Someone had kidnapped you.

His eyes traveled all over the place looking for something that would give him clues and he decided to start rummaging through the books hoping to find a note, the amount for your ransom, whatever. When he read ‘We're even, Brekker’ written on yellowed paper and signed with the seal of a snake, he felt that his balance was missing.

That's why the robbery of the carriage had been so easy, because they had wanted it that way. Their plan was always to enter The Slat. You were there, alone, and they kidnapped you because Kaz had allowed it. Because in his eagerness to protect you, he had delivered you directly to the enemy.

It was all his fault.

"Jesper!" he screamed, on first impulse. He didn't know if it was difficult for him to get up from the floor due to dizziness or because of the limp “Inej! Wylan! Whoever!" he continued, wanting to get the attention of anyone who could help him. He was in a panic and he was also furious. He would be capable of torturing the men who had kidnapped you in the most horrible ways ever seen, as soon as he found out who they were.

All the people present in the building followed the sound of the boss's wailing and when they observed the state of your room a collective sigh of surprise filled the silence.

"Where is Y/N?"

“I don't know,” Kaz hissed, sounding desperate. That didn't even matter to him anymore "They took her, they set us up"

“We have to find her,” Matthias muttered, and he wanted to hit him for saying something so obvious. But he had to calm down, for everyone's sake.

"There's blood and this in the hallway," said the black-haired man, showing everyone the dust that still glittered on his glove.

"It's a trail," Wylan exclaimed, his features lighting up like when he had an idea. He stepped forward to analyze the sample and then nodded. “I gave this to her, it's a bioluminescent powder we were experimenting with. In theory, when…" he walked around the room as if looking for something until he found a box of matches that you had lying around "it comes into contact with the fire, it emits a blue flame" he explained, going into the corridor and demonstrating the information practically.

There was hope, if they hadn't taken you too far your friends might track you down and rescue you. You had been scared enough to leave a clue because you knew they would look for you.

In that moment Kaz felt so guilty that he had ever even suggested that he doubted your abilities.

“You have to follow it. We have to find where they took her right now” he ordered and, of course, no one argued. Everyone went ahead to get the necessary things to look for you and Kaz leaned against the wall for a moment, breathing slowly in an attempt to contain one of those panic attacks he sometimes felt, not imagining that this would only be the beginning of an awful night. 

And the worst wasn’t over yet.

The crows moved faster and more efficiently than ever before, and within minutes Wylan had figured out how to follow the trail. Sometimes there were long lines through the streets that were lit with a single match, but other times they had to look for them more carefully and that consumed time that Kaz considered vital. Although he wasn't saying anything the others could tell that he was quite upset by the situation, so they did their best. Also, you were part of the group, so they too were extremely worried.

By the time they reached Fifth Harbor, Kaz was already burning all the way down his leg, but that didn't matter to him. They were all out of breath, but that didn't matter. And the trail ended right at the pier, but that didn't matter because they saw in the distance a boat with two robust men, one of them holding a lamp and the other struggling with a girl tied by her hands and legs who was screaming in despair.

It was you and you were yelling Kaz's name.

They rushed to find a boat tied to the dock big enough for the six of them and when, luckily, they found it they jumped on it. Matthias and Jesper were in charge of rowing and the movement did not go unnoticed by the men who had you captured, nor by you.

A feeling of relief swept through you as you realized that the silhouettes approaching you were your friends and you felt that all was not lost. Kaz thought that they had arrived just in time and that calmed him down for a second, but he didn't count on the fact that the man would lift you off the ground and, with a sharp gesture that surprised everyone, he would throw you straight into the sea.

Your cry was drowned out by the roar of the water and the black-haired man's breath caught, while everything around him was spinning again. Until then he realized the position he was in: in the middle of the immensity of the sea, in danger of drowning. It was then that the memories of his brother's body came back to him like needles sticking in and he felt like he might vomit.

Kaz didn't know how to swim and even if he had known how to at some point in his life it was now impossible due to his limping leg. But he wasn't going to let you die. He can’t.

In the midst of the attack, he was dimly aware of what was happening. You were now within safe distance of the other boat which allowed Inej to throw a knife at one of the men and Jesper took it upon himself to put a bullet into the other. In hindsight, Kaz would have wished they had stayed alive so he could take it upon himself to give them a slow and painful death. There was no point in letting the men who had kidnapped you die so mercifully.

The water was dark and they couldn't see anything, but still Matthias was the one who ventured below the surface to find your body, hoping that when he did it wouldn't be too late.

Nina kept her hands up to monitor the beating of both your hearts and the rest stood without saying anything, looking expectantly out at the water that rolled in small waves. Only Kaz's erratic breathing broke the silence of the environment.

A few seconds passed, and when there was no sign of him or you, concern gripped the group. Now there wasn’t only the fear that you wouldn't get out of the water, but also that Matthias wouldn't and thus lose two members of the group. Nina winced when she heard one of the heartbeats slowed down considerably, though she didn't comment on it to the others.

When he finally surfaced everyone was relieved to see that he wasn't alone, even if your body was just an unconscious bundle that he was pulling with difficulty.

They still put you in the canoe and you had your limbs tied with rope, so Inej was in charge of cutting them with a knife, while the others crowded around you to try to see how you were.

“She's not breathing,” Matthias gasped. Nina knelt to try to expel the water from your lungs, but for some reason your body was resisting. If she didn't get the water out of your lungs, the lack of oxygen would permanently affect your brain.

"This isn't working," she snorted after several hand movements.

It was only then that Kaz dared to look at you. You were pale, wet, and a trickle of blood was coming from your forehead and you had some bruises. He never thought that he would feel the same pain that he seized when he traveled to the coast with the lifeless body of his brother.

Wake up, he wanted to tell you, but his voice wouldn't come out. You have to wake up.

Nina kept trying and until he finally saw you jump up to vomit up the salt water, he too felt like he could breathe again.

When you finally finished inhaling the air around you everyone bombarded you with questions to check your well-being and you just nodded to them all, a little dazed and scared. Nina took it upon herself to help with the cut and bruises, while the men took up the oars again to reach the dock.

Kaz was the last to get off the boat and he was also the last to enter The Slat, as if he needed to check that the rest of you had done it, since he didn't want to leave anyone behind again. Never.

“Let me accompany you,” he said. It was the first thing he had said to you after the incident and you were so exhausted that you didn't offer any resistance. When you walked up the stairs and into your room, you thought Kaz would leave without another word, but instead he stood in front of the door.

You looked at him with a neutral expression, trying to understand what he was trying to do.

"You were very intelligent" he began to say "When you left the trail"

"Thank you," you said quietly. Your throat was a bit sore from the water you had swallowed.

"How it happened?" he asked. The trip had made you recover a bit and you were calmer than before, so you didn't mind telling him things.

“They were supposed to be looking for your office, but they saw my light on and thought it would be a better idea to go after the helpless damsel. They got in through the window and… voila,” you said bitterly, gesturing with one hand at the mess around you. “They held me here and tied me to a chair, but the knots were so painful I got free in a few minutes. They interrogated me to ask about things of value or obtain some information, but I didn't say anything. My fighting could irritate them, but I think I really pissed them off when I smashed a vase over the head of one and plunged a knife into the other's leg. Maybe that's why they decided to throw me into the sea”

Kaz was a bit dismayed at how calmly you said things and he wondered if you really didn't care or were just pretending. Although he wanted to say the same things to you that he had said to your empty room a few hours ago, the truth was that remembering it made him feel ashamed. It had been a sincere apology, but he didn't think he could say it twice.

"I'm sorry I put you in danger," he said, stepping forward for more privacy. He watched your reaction to what he said and what he did, hoping that if you were still upset you would show it. But the near-death experience seemed to soften both of you.

"Why apologize? you didn't send those guys. It was just some… being in the wrong place at the wrong time. It could have happened to anyone."

“I know, but maybe if I hadn't asked you to stay here, they wouldn't have hurt you” he admitted and although you wanted to recriminate him for that, you decided to remain silent, feeling curious as to how far he could go with that talk "And if you don't… if you hadn't been smart right now you wouldn't be here”

"But I am" you answered with determination "And that's what hurts me, Kaz, that you doubt me" you expressed. You weren't going to forget so easily what had made you walk away in the first place and you thought it was the right time for him to know what you thought about it “I made a mistake, it's true and I take responsibility for that. But you didn't have to treat me like this."

"I know that too," he hastened to say, "I don't doubt you, I never have."

“It is not noticeable. Today you pushed me aside and you told us that trust is always the most important thing. And although I was stupid, I consider that this behavior is not worthy of making you stop trusting me just like that. You know I didn't do it to screw you over, I just wanted to save her."

“It's not about that woman, I don't care about her. You know that I too would have prevented her from getting hurt if the situation arose."

“Then what is it about? Is it only the mistake of the century if I make it?”

“This is about you, Y/N” Kaz said, pointing at you with his open palm and starting to sound desperate “I got so mad because you were the one who ended up in the hands of the enemy. I hate that you act like that because I care about you too much to allow myself to lose you”

You didn't expect that and he didn't expect to say it either. It was even more embarrassing than what he had refused to tell you in the first place.

He said that he didn't want to lose you and you thought about the meaning of that expression: did he not want to lose what you brought to the team or did he not want to lose your person?

"These weeks I thought you only hated me because I made you lose money"

"Oh, I do hate you a little for that," he said, taking a surprise "Not for the money itself, but for what that money implied" there was no point in keeping secrets, if Kaz had already started to sink then he preferred to do it completely and with dignity “The club is going through some difficulties, Y/N. I sold those things so I could keep it going. Because while our criminal jobs give us some kruge, you know that the main source of income for that group is the Crow Club. Also…” he felt his breath shake and had to take a moment to calm down “I've been thinking about something these past few months. A long time ago you said that you had always wanted to go to university, do you remember?” he asked you and you nodded your head “Jesper had the opportunity, but he is a lost cause, because he prefers this kind of life to having an office job or a quiet home and I respect that. But not you, you ended up here because you had no other options” Kaz was silent, hoping that if you had something to say you would say it now, but then he continued, “And I thought if I gave you some money you would have that opportunity. That way I could get you away from all these Dregs and you'd live the way you wanted. That's why that robbery was important”

You were totally stunned.

You never expected Kaz to have that opinion of you or even care about you to the degree that he had just confessed to you. He had listened to you, had seen beyond the apparent happiness of living in The Barrel to find your true dreams, so forgotten within yourself that you no longer thought you could reveal them to anyone else.

You mistakenly believed that the only thing that mattered to Kaz Brekker was dying suffocated by piles of money, but you had just realized that the true engine of life of the black-haired man was the love he had for that peculiar family that you made up.

“You… you know that's not necessary, right? You don’t have to do it"

"But I wanted"

The gap was less since Kaz had walked towards you and you decided, venturing a bit, to take another step towards him.

"Why didn't you tell us that the club has financial problems?" you asked softly, because you thought there could be no other way to talk to him in a situation like this.

"Because it wasn't important"

"Yes, it is, Kaz" you walked in his direction again. At that distance, if you raised your hand a little, he could reach to take hers "That's the point, you decide to swallow all the problems without talking to anyone and then we have no idea what ails you or why this or that is so important. Jesus, if you had told me that money was so vital, I would have put my life into opening that vault as quickly as possible” it was at that moment that you really regretted what you had done and thought that, if possible, you would have returned in time to listen to him and not just your instincts.

"It does not matter anymore. I can't spend my life telling you all the bad things that happen around here."

“You should do it, Kaz. We are a group and we can't just enjoy the rewards without knowing the sacrifice, stop burdening yourself with that alone” he warned seriously “You take care of all of us, but then who takes care of you?”

His reaction was the same as you had a moment ago: stupefaction. Kaz didn't know at what point in his life he had to become that, but he thought that perhaps Jordie's death was decisive for him to have to fulfill the role of the person he had just lost. To be for others what no one had been for him, so they would not suffer what he had suffered. It was quite an altruistic act if he thought better of it.

But after so many years it was exhausting and he wished he could just fall into someone else's arms to rest, figuratively speaking. And there you were right in front of him, probably the person he loved the most, with an expression that reflected a willingness to listen to what he had to say.

So Kaz thought that, maybe for once, it was okay for him to be vulnerable.

“I had an older brother” he murmured, after a long while and you were a bit confused by the sudden change of subject, but you nodded your head so he knew you were listening “He died during the plague epidemic. And miss him so much"

You knew little, if anything, of the personal life of the man in front of you, so you didn't know how to react to the disclosure of that fact. You imagined a little Kaz, scared and sad because his brother was gone. You didn't think for a second about the horrible things he had to go through and that he, with some luck, would dare to tell you later.

But even with this paltry piece of information you couldn't help but feel enormous compassion. He was human, like everyone else, and he was afraid that death would come to take another person important to him. Now you understood better.

"What was his name?" you asked in a whisper, as gently as possible. Kaz was silent for a moment, reflecting no sentiment, then swallowed.

"Jordie"

You weren't going to ask him any more questions after that, you just looked into his eyes and you knew that this was his way of telling you that he trusted you to keep that shred of his past.

"Well, I think Jordie would be happy to know that now there are six of us who love you as he did" was what you replied. You didn't know if it was the answer he expected, but at least it was the one that had come from your heart. When he looked at you, you swore that his eyes were teary, although later you convinced yourself that it had only been an effect of the light.

"I hope we're fine now" he murmured, regaining his composure, referring to the problems that had existed between you after that discussion.

"Calm down, everything is fine. I know you can't live without me."

"Actually, I've had enough of Jesper seeing me with those murder-eyes."

"Then you noticed," you joked. You were completely exhausted and at that moment you were even more conscious, as if you were going to pass out the next second “Everything is fine” you repeated “I just hope this doesn't happen again. I… will try to be less impulsive. And you have to tell me if something's wrong and we'll figure it out, okay?"

Kaz hummed back and you put on a tight-lipped smile. Then you looked around you to analyze the chaos that had been left by the fight with those men, feeling exhausted just thinking that you would have to pick up the pieces of wood, the books, or clean the stains, and he realized what you were thinking by the look on your face.

“I'll send someone to clean all this up tomorrow, I promise. For now, you just… lie down”

"For the first time, I'm not going to argue with you," you laughed bitterly. Then a yawn invaded you and you felt your eyelids tremendously heavy, which he perceived. Kaz didn't want to leave there, even if you were on the verge of exhaustion, however, he didn't know what excuse to use to stay “Good night, Kaz. You should rest too"

"Yeah, um... I'll do it"

“Good”

There was silence for a few seconds. 

"Have you really forgiven me?" he asked, looking to make sure you weren't upset anymore. You smiled and, amid your delirium from exhaustion, you stood on your toes to kiss him on the cheek. He paled and held his breath, but you didn't notice.

“As much as you have forgiven me for screwing up the mission. Now go and sleep"

Perhaps it was the shock of receiving something like this from you that caused Kaz to practically run out of your room, without even saying goodbye, staying in the hallway for a moment to process things. The speed of the contact hadn't given him time to panic, but that didn't stop him from feeling the pumping of his heart hammering like crazy under his chest and hot cheeks under the memory of your lips on them.

When he locked himself in his room he tried to calm down, when he was taking off his clothes to put on his pajamas he tried again, washing his hands and face, going through paperwork before going to sleep, lying down on the bed, closing the eyes... but nothing worked.

And eventually he fell asleep with the ghost of your kiss haunting him through dreams.

[tackletofset]

Dark Rise theories I disagree with and why:

Sarcean r*ped Anharion: I find it perplexing that many people still believe in this lie. It's canon that Anharion "had GIVEN himself" to Sarcean, and "the feeling of being taken, melting heat, and the fall of hair around him like black silk" is a very poor way to describe a noncon situation.

The on-and-off Collar switch: What makes you think that Sarcean wouldn't be dead by Anharion's hands the second he "switched off" the Collar, if it was as coercive as they thought?

Will and James will "dissolve" after getting their memories back and morph fully into their past selves: The memories serve as key to make decisions about their present and future. In order for Will and James to decide for themselves, they must understand the full truth of Sarcean and Anharion without the biases, prejudices, and agendas of those around them. Pacat has made it clear that Will and Sarcean will ultimately choose different paths, despite being two incarnations of the same person. The former chooses to rule, while the latter prefers freedom, and both choices are valid given their respective situations. The endgame should be putting Sarcean and Anharion to rest so that Will and James can move forward: Will must reconcile with his past in order to navigate his future.

Anharion's real name was a deadname: I say this as a person under the trans* umbrella. "Anharion" wasn't a name he had chosen for himself; it was an insult coined by the Light side. Perhaps he had come to embrace it out of spite. Just as Melkor (Mighty Arising) was dubbed "Morgoth" (black foe) by his enemies, and Mairon (The Admirable) was later called "Sauron" (the Abhorred), I believe Anharion's real name will be revealed in Book 3, with a positive meaning. I can't wait to call him "Queen (Real name)."

Will or James having to k*ll the other/k*ll themselves: Pacat intended to break the pattern where queer protagonists always met tragic ends. It was one of her motivations for writing Captive Prince and also emphasized a lot during Dark Rise interviews.

We will have a sad ending: Pacat stated in a December 2021 Q&A that a "happy ending [was] guaranteed" for the aforementioned reason.

James has no agency: James has plenty of agency, even amidst his complicated situations, with many people constantly attempting to violate his boundaries. James has consistently made his choices and desires clear. The unconventional nature of his choices, which may not always make sense to others, does not diminish their validity.

Sarcean was fully evil: "The Dark King did Nothing Wrong" nuff said.

[wonyui]

ENEMIES TO WHAT? | K.CW

PAIRINGS Kim!Chaewon x F!Reader

SUMMARY You knew the exact buttons to push when it came to getting on Chaewon's nerves. Funny enough, it seems all her attention is now on you after catching her ex in the same party the both of you were in. Just how far is she willing to go in order to piss her ex off?

GENRE WLW, one-shot, enemies to lovers, fluffish(?), romance ig, jealousy, mentions of name calling and swearing, LOTS OF SWEARING beware

"You're staring again." Your best friend Yunjin sighed in disapproval.

You've been staring at Chaewon for what seemed like an eternity. Although the two of you knew each that well to start an argument without no second thoughts, it wasn't that good enough to start a normal conversation.

Groaning and feeling like a total poser, Yunjin softly patted you on the back. "Dude, just go up to her."

It was generous of Yunjin to try and give you the courage you needed, but that wasn't exactly the reason why you couldn't try. "And what? be a total asshole by insulting her for god knows how many times I try to control it?" You took a sip of Yunjin's filled cup of alcohol, "Ugh, what's with this disgusting alcohol mix?'

Taking back her drink, Yunjin glared. "Excuse me. It might not taste the best, but it surely gets me wasted."

'Of course," you plainly thought, knowing exactly who to watch out for the whole night. "Don't drink too much it's gonna be a pain to drag your ass into the car."

"Haha, very funny. My alcohol tolerance is stronger than what I go through when I have to tolerate you." She basically slurred, sounding so out of it.

Rolling your eyes, you excused yourself to find the certain someone who would entertain you whenever you'd get on her nerves. A few steps was all it took before a pair of hands could pull you out of the crowd. "What the fuck?" You hissed, hands hurting from the strong grip that the person had on you.

"Good to see you too," Chaewon scoffed. "Anyway, listen. I need a favor."

Your eyes widened after realizing who it was. Looking down and seeing that she still had her hands on yours, you tugged it away so that damn asshole in your chest wouldn't beat too loud.

"What do you want." Chaewon ignored your recent action, finding herself to blame it on the fact that you were nothing but a weirdo. An attractive weirdo at that.

Looking back at what seemed to be another random yet pretty girl, Chaewon looked back at you and muttered out a few curse words before opening her mouth to speak. "Okay fuck look," you silently waited for her to carry on, "that's my douchebag of an ex girlfriend. She thinks I'm still into her, and I need someone to prove I'm not."

"And you want me to be that someone?" You crossed your arms, looking unimpressed, but the butterflies that built up were telling a different tale.

The same age latter nodded.

"And what do I get out of this?" She didn't look at all surprised, already figured out that you would have asked for something in return because you were an absolute jerk who insulted people for a living.

It was truly an art to see the way she frowned out of annoyance, controlling herself in order to not punch you. The way her teeth clenched made her look somewhat cute yet scary. "Jesus, you greedy fuck. What do you want?"

"I'll think about it." it was obviously a smart decision to save the best for the last. "What's your plan, by the way?"

She blinked, realizing that she didn't have a plan for this to go through and work so decently. "Sorry, what."

"Your plan..?"

"I don't have one."

"Seriously?"

"Can't you just flirt your ass through like you've been doing ever since high-school?"

It was totally uncalled for. True, but totally uncalled for. You laughed, finding her insults even more amusing and funny. "Nothing is funny, she's looking."

Judging from the way that her ex had been drilling daggers into your poor soul, it was kinda working. Taking some part of Chaewon's hair and twirling it with a flirty smile, it made it look natural as if the two of you weren't exactly new to this thing.

"What are you doing?" Chaewon looked red at the moment, slapping your hands when her ex looked away for a few seconds.

She was a stone. Hard stone, to be exact. Just how did she expect for you to flirt? Say some cringy pick-up lines that would have looked silly to her ex because the music was booming louder than everyone else's voices?

"I'm flirting," you mentally facepalmed. "Would you rather I say some useless pickup lines that would have looked as though we were having a normal conversation?"

"Yes." She immediately responded.

She was honestly inexperienced and clueless to the whole thing of making someone jealous. It was both frustrating but a sight to see, just how bad was she at this? Taking another shot of alcohol that someone left on the table, you mustered even more courage. "It wouldn't work that way. You do realize that actions speak louder than words right?"

Chaewon stared at you in distaste, knowing that you were correct in many ways. "God I seriously can't stand this."

It may have sounded too sudden, but once her ex put her focus on the both of you once again, thinking she might have been slick. You smirked and took the opportunity to pull Chaewon closer to you. Chaewon's ex gritted her teeth in annoyance, finding you to be annoying despite not knowing you that well.

"Look at that," you proudly whispered. "She's jealous."

It took a few seconds to realize that Chaewon was still too close to you. You pulled her away to see if she felt uncomfortable, seems like it was the other way.

"Gross. Are you blushing?" Chaewon smacked you on the shoulders for your attempt in teasing her, cursing you. Something about you being annoying and talkative.

Not denying nor saying yes to your sarcastic question, Chaewon looked over at her ex. Doing a double take in case her ex looked invested in what the two of you were doing. You weren't sober but sober enough to see that she was trying to look for any signs. "Double take on your ex, seriously? at this point, look at her for a whole minute." A bitter smile appeared on her face, feeling unbothered until you commented. "No shame in anything. I say she deserves to have whatever comes at her for cheating on me."

Laughing, your throat a little too dry from the unhelpful liquid that you consumed earlier. You couldn't help but find the thought of Chaewon getting cheated on a bit too funny and questionable. Fumbled, really.

"What? Something funny?" She looked offended, balling her fist due to the annoyance that filled up.

You shook your head, feeling quite honest. "Nothing, just amusing that she'd ever think of cheating on you, really."

Chaewon jerked her head, looking elsewhere but you. You couldn't but but notice that this was by far the most normal conversation the two of you could have ever had without the need to choke one another. Cursing? She's getting there.

"I find it insulting how you can state such thing when all you do is annoy me." You shook your head, wanting to prove her wrong. "Yeah, but I never said anything about hating the process of dating you, did I?"

That question had a good amount of effect on Chaewon, making her wonder if it was the alcohol talking or not. She put her hands in her own pockets, forgetting that the two of you were literally in a party filled with sweaty, drunk, and lovesick people all around you.

"She's gone." You stated, about to leave when Chaewon stopped you.

"Wait," She bit the inside of her mouth, feeling embarrassed for feeling this way. "I haven't repaid you yet idiot."

You wanted to tell her, but it was too risky. She didn't know how much of a chokehold she had on you, and you liked to simply put it that way. Chaewon's gaze stayed on you, trying to see if you had been thinking or spacing out like you'd normally do. About to say something, a cold liquid got on your white top. You cursed to yourself, annoyed by whoever made such a horrible mistake only to find Chaewon's ex looking at you with a cocky smirk.

"What the fuck is your problem?" You were in disbelief, the alcohol sticking onto your clothing.

The glint of mischief in her eyes made you wanna punch the 21 iq out of her, but since it seemed like a huge scene, everyone had been staring, waiting for your next move. Luckily, Chaewon took notice of this when she saw your balled up fist, taking your hand and rushing the two of you out of the building. Still angry from the previous 'accident', you ran your hands through your hair and scoffed. "Your ex is a fucking asshole."

"Tell me something I don't know," Chaewon rolled her eyes, trying to be slick by checking you out in the corner of her eyes. "But luckily I brought extra clothing."

You raised your eyebrows in amusement. "Extra clothing? seriously?"

"What? You don't know the icky people that could either puke or.. spill their alcohol on you." Her serious tone turning into a teasing one at the end of her sentence.

You laughed, finding her humor and jokes a bit too funny for your own liking. In just one night, the two of you were already hitting it off well. Chaewon took out her purse(that she had been carrying this whole time) and brought out a white t-shirt. "Here, not sure if this'll fit since your frame seems to be a little bigger than mine," you nodded, taking it anyway. "This is my thank you for taking the alcohol from my shitty ex." Scoffing at her horrible attempted joke, Chaewon smiled in a slick and subtle way.

Since there was no one and the walls were covering most of the spot, you took your top off, making Chaewon panic before she could close her eyes and turn away. Replacing the old clothing with the white t-shirt, you thanked the fact that you still managed to look good.

"Thank you." You mumbled, feeling embarrassed to even say it loud and clear.

Chaewon nodded, acting as if it wasn't a big deal. "So, what about me repaying you for helping me?"

"Can I take you out sometime?" You got straight to the point, this time being unable to blame it on the alcohol because you were fully sober.

"Do you want me to go home and laugh at how much of a silly idea that is?" Chaewon laughed, annoyance not evident in her tone this time. "Shouldn't it be me taking you out since I'm the one repaying you?"

You slowly nodded, cheeks pink tinted. Entering the building to join your friend as Chaewon followed behind, you turned to see what other thing she wanted. "Why are you following me.." Chaewon raised her brows. "My friend is actually there." "Don't lie, what friend?" "Don't make me take back what I said."

Before you could retaliate, a drunk Yunjin wrapped her arms around you and mumbled words that were nearly deafening. "Y/N.. where were you? I wanna go home."

"This drunk asshole.." Chaewon scratched her head in annoyance, pulling Yunjin off of you and into her very own arms. "I'll help her into the car."

You blankly stared at her, a little scared as to why she knew you both came by car. "I'm not insane. Everyone would have noticed such old jeep don't look at me like that."

Accepting her insult along with the truth, you helped her with supporting Yunjin to the car. Although the two of you struggled, Chaewon got tired and threw the younger latter, clearly not caring about whether she'd break a bone or two. "Wow, just romantic, yeah. Throw my friend into her own jeep."

"She's drunk, passed out even. I'm sure she won't notice."

"Okay, fair."

"Mhm anyway, 6 pm. I mean, don't be late, I'll send you the details since I snuck my phone number into your pocket."

You stared in confusion before the realization could hit you, snapping your fingers together, Chaewon couldn't help but mentally judge you.

"What about you?" You got into the driver's seat, looking outside of the car window in order to talk more better to Chaewon.

Chaewon titled her head and pointed at herself. "What about me?"

Too embarrassed to even ask, you made sure to pinch yourself in order to gather the needed courage. "I could give you a lift home."

"Thanks, but," Chaewon softly smiled and pointed at the building that the two of you used to be in. "I wasn't lying when I said I had a friend who also needs my help to drive home safely."

"Then why'd you help me? go help your friend holy." You basically scolded, sending chills down her spine from the sudden change of attitude.

Before she could leave so you wouldn't complain further, she looked back at you. "Oh, and Y/N?"

You looked back, loving the way the moon complimented her features. It looked as though you were spotting an angel. Giving her time to think about her reply, Chaewon opened her mouth once again to finish her sentence. "I had a reason of helping you get here, and it wasn't because of Yunjin," you stayed quiet, knowing exactly what she meant. "I'll go now. Have fun driving that idiot home. Bye, loser."

[docholligay]

I Saw the TV Glow

I’m essentially always up for a weird horror movie, so when I saw the ads for I Saw the TV Glow, I knew I was in. I don’t generally look up anything about a movie before I go, and in truth, prefer when a trailer doesn’t tell me all that much about what’s going to happen in a movie. This fit the bill!

Non-spoilery: Go in as blind as possible to this movie. There were a lot of things I thought this movie was going to be about, and it was not any of them. What it ended up being about was fantastic. This movie is really really going to resonate with some people my age and the ages around it. I don’t know if it will be as effective for younger people for a variety of reasons. 

Bear in mind I saw this once several months ago, with spoilers below the cut. 

OKAY. We’re in spoiler zone now, so let’s get into this: This movie is about the experience of being gay or trans, specifically in the late 90s to early aughts. We’ll get more into that later, but I want to put it on the table right now. This movie is horror in a Twilight Zone sense. That is in fact my favorite kind of horror! But if you’re seeing it billed as a horror movie, you may not get out of it what you are expecting. 

The Pink Opaque is absolutely Buffy. So much so that Jetty felt called out multiple times: They use the Buffy font, there’s a cameo from a Buffy actress, etc. The movie is not trying to hide this very well. And the Pink Opaque is not a great show! It’s more of a carriage device for these two teenagers that have something in common, something that sparks a realization between them of who they actually are. 

Throughout the show, as Owen gets more and more involved in wanting to watch the show with Maddy, we start seeing quotes in the background that could absolutely be on a high school board, but also…are very much about what is needed inm order to decide to unbury yourself, and live in the Pink Opaque. The one I remember the most, is because it’s one of my favorite quotes. “Without courage, all other virtues are meaningless.” I think about this quote all the time, because I think it is true. You can be kind, you can be intelligent, you can be loyal, but if you are a coward, those virtues mean nothing at the close of business. 

It’s impossible for me to explain to people even 7 to 10 years younger tha  me how different the world was then. I made the choice Maddy made and decided to live in The Pink Opaque as myself, but I love that it isn’t shown as consequence-free either. There are a lot of entanglements and difficulties and fights that came with that decision. You choose to live that way, in 2004, and you get to be the hero, but the hero has to constantly be on guard for the monsters around every corner. And this isn’t even me going, ‘poor pitiful me’--my life was leaps and bounds easier than 10 years before me--but it is a very very different landscape. Fucking no one bats an eye at me being gay now, realistically. 

When Maddy comes back as Tara, and says this is who she always has been, and she had to dig herself out of a fucking grave to be that, I was there, baby! I am not going to get too much into my personal life, but the process of becoming Doc was not a bloodless one. Her coming back and telling him he can have it all, he just has to be willing to die for it--fucking loved that. I have so many memories of having the same conversations with people. We couldn’t have everything. My peers had to decide between having college paid for, having a place to live, and being out, and not everyone had the brass ones to go my way. I made an impulsive, insane decision, and I have never ever regretted it. My parents couldn’t have paid for college anyhow, so fuck it. But it was a choice other people had same as I did, and again, sitting in that dark school ‘planetarium” telling Owen he can live a harder but more real life, fuck. Again, without courage, ALL OTHER VIRTUES ARE MEANINGLESS. I do genuinely feel like this movie might be a miss for a generation whose parents and social circles were simply awkward about it at worst. 

Not scary in the usual sense, but I think a great psychological horror about the costs of doing business, in this life. 

You’re poisoned, you’re buried alive, and that line about, “And you’ll never even know you’re dying.” I mean, sometimes I feel like I was a near miss from living my entire life closeted, as bizarre as that sounds for someone who left home over the matter. I am a person who just makes decisions, and what if I had made the decision to shut that part of myself off, as Owen did? 

My favorite part of this movie is when Owen shuts that part of himself off, and we see him living his life, and he has a family but we NEVER SEE THEM. Because they aren’t a real part of him either, they are all a part of the set dressing of the life he has convinced himself he wants. He is going to be a man, he is going to live as a man and tell himself that’s what he really wants. And then to end up in the bathroom, to end up vomiting all that moon juice and knowing that he has been dying inside the whole time? I thought it was such a beautifully sad ending. 

IF I had a criticism of this movie, there would be a couple handfuls: 

It can be a little on the nose, now and again. I think Maddy-as-Tara’s monologue goes on a little long and loses some of its punch. 

It doesn’t lean quite as hard into the unreliable narrator that is Owen as it could, and so I could see people going, “Oh, Tara was completely right, and Owen made the wrong choice” when even within the narrative, it is telling us that to live in the Pink Opaque is to kill who you are now. That is…not nothing. Owen has, for example, a real relationship with his mother. That’s something that can be lost. Because both me and the author made the same choice, its easy for us to write it as ‘correct’, and honestly it was only on stepping back for a bit that I’m like, “Hm, while this does a better job than 90% of the movies about this I’ve seen, i wish it would have outlaid the cost a little more” but I would want to rewatch it before I made that a HARD criticism instead of a soft one. I was still figuring out everything about the movie, and so didn’t have a chance to really analyze it in this lens. 

I had another criticism, but I actually do want to watch it again before I commit to it, upon reflection. 

[railingsofsorrow]

still friends

summary: garcia and morgan know things.

pairing: s.reid x gn!reader

w.c: 1.1K

warnings: break-up talk; angst; insecurities; problems with attachment; longing; regrets; happy ending? read and find out; poorly edited.

A/N: funfact, this was supposed to be a small drabble.

[inspired by meant to be; ber, charlie oriain]

navi

masterpost

━━━━━━━━━━━━

“you really do love him, don't you?”

you're not used to being called out. all your life you masked your emotions with the skills of a performer. body behaviour and vulnerability wasn't something that walked side by side with you. you had total control of your surroundings, but mostly of the way your hands were placed, how fast you blinked and/or the tone of your voice.

vulnerability can be expressed in many ways. one of them is the way you react to certain things. do you yell? do you cry? do you stay quiet and shut down for a few days? do you seek help right away?

you were taught, from a very young age, that building up walls was a necessary means to ensure safety. they can't break you down if they don't know how to.

although, some days, you wish that it was different. what if you wore your heart on your sleeve? what if you said what you wanted to say instead of just abdicating of the things that made you fear but also made you feel alive?

it was a burden hanging onto your shoulders like a heavy luggage in a long trip — where would you dump it? could you get rid of it? would you want to get rid of it?

hard question. one you've always ignored.

and then, there is penelope garcia. who preaches she's nowhere as good in profiling as her team is, but she can read the silence and see beneath a forced smile from a mile away.

the mask that you walk around with? the inscrutable brick wall. penelope just crumbled it down with an axe. it turned into sand; it had always been sand. so thin that it dripped from your fingers like water.

you felt ashamed.

“i don't know what you're talking about.” you clear your throat, completely unprepared by that claim from your friend. the poor excuse escaping from your lips as easy as whatever emotion your eyes mirrored. for a split of second.

to penelope, that had been lingering for a while. she did truly believe that saying about the eyes being the window of the soul. and she couldn't help but notice that your soul along with spencer's... displayed the same shadow.

it was sad, really. penelope garcia was a fixer. she wanted everything to go according to plan, even if if didn't, she made sure it would.

not this time.

“you two have the same look towards each other.” she shared, playing with her colourful pen nervously. god, how could she stop their suffering? maybe if she knew the reason of your break-up... “you never told me why you two broke up.” you almost flinched, hands clenching instinctively. here's your body again, defending itself, building up mechanics to escape and survive. “i'm sorry,” the blonde grimaced, touching the back of your hand softly. “i didn't mean to sound so invasive—”

“you didn't.” you said, ignoring that little voice yelling shut up, don't be weak! “we, uh— we decided. it was a mutual decision.” there were scientific explanations about why you felt as if your heart were pinching your ribcase when you remembered an old lover. you couldn't remember any of that now.

“oh.” she said, acting surprised. not acting, she really was surprised. that made you let out a chuckle. penelope told you once that you and spencer were the two people she trusted would be forever. it's like... meant to be. you're perfect for each other.

well, perfect can become unbearable sometimes. or it can never exist at all.

your eyebrows slowly drew together. “what do you mean we share the same look?” the smile she gave you didn't please you that much. it was sad, almost pitiful.

“it's that longing... like he's missing something. his eyes say everything. you know that.”

your gaze fell to your unfinished paperwork, reading twice to figure out where you needed to get back to. you didn't met your friends’ eyes for a while. you didn't know what to say to that.

you missed spencer. of course you did. you love him with your whole heart. but it wasn't enough. the both of you weren't enough to one another. and that's fine, you've been over this for a hundred times in your head. a thousand other possibilities could have happened. so many what ifs...

but the past was in the past, there was not point in dwelling on it.

the burning sensation on your cheek didn't force you to look in the culprit's direction. no. you focused on your paperwork just like penelope had resumed to her fast typing.

we are still friends.

spencer's tongue twitched in his mouth, itching in anticipation. it was overwhelming feeling as if he couldn't utter a word to you. you're coworkers. you were friends before... before your relationship ended. so why can't it be easy like before? why can't it be that carefree and non-problematic?

he missed your laughs. he missed the scrunch in the middle of your forehead when you were focused. he even missed your incessant habit of chewing a pen cap. spencer missed everything. he missed the fighting and the occasional silence treatment. he missed saying sorry even if he wasn't in the wrong. he missed you.

why did he agreed to that stupid break-up?

“you good, pretty boy?” he blinked awake once he felt a nudge on his shoulder, bringing him back to reality. the painful reality of loneliness.

spencer only did realized he was staring into your direction when his eyes focused again. he quickly looked away. anywhere else. it ended up being derek, who stared at him with a half knowing half concerned look.

“yeah.” spencer said, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly as he stood up from his desk. “i'm gonna make some coffee. you- you want some?” his felt his face warming up like it would fucking explode.

derek, to spencer's luck, decided to let it slide and nodded. he scrambled away with two mugs in hand, disappearing into the kitchenette.

it didn't matter thinking about the range of possibilities of what he could have done or said. because the past is in the past. it's over — spencer thought bitterly as a drip of hot coffee landed on his hand. he hissed, turning on the tap to quickly wash away the burning.

burning.

he missed the burning.

he missed you.

but it wouldn't come back. it was over. he was only left with the past.

at least we're still friends, right?

━━━━━━━━━━━━

taglist: @lilyviolets

[prideprejudce]

y'all are not heartless, y'all are envious, so envious that you feel happy when a billionaire dies because you know you won't ever get to have that money in your lifetime, you might say "poor but alive" but truth is, you don't know how much time you have left

it’s kind of interesting to me how wealth defenders assume that the reason the mass public dont like billionaires is because we are jealous of them - like we are only a couple of right decisions away from becoming billionaires ourselves but are too dumb or lazy to take the opportunity

but these same people also studiously ignore the social constructs that prevent you and me from accumulating anything close to that amount of money in our lifetime. these people are called the 1% for a reason - they do not want to distribute their wealth and use inequalities like racism, sexism, homophobia etc and all the like to put a ceiling over our heads while they sit above us. And no amount of hard work and intelligence gets you through that ceiling because that’s the way it’s built. plus that’s not even getting into topics like nepotism and how so many “self-made” billionaires come from a long line of wealth and have had more than a head start and loopholes to the top than anyone else in the general public

there is no such thing as a good billionaire. there is no way to accumulate that amount of money without stepping on the backs of other people. and to have such a hoard of wealth that is so beyond your means that you couldn’t spend it three lifetimes over but choosing to keep it to yourself anyway is a vile human being. i’m not jealous of the billionaires and want their money - i want to not live in a system anymore that sucks away all of the opportunities and resources away from the communities and funnel it to several people who use it to buy shit like…..idk… a ticket on a sardine can to the bottom of the ocean

[multifandomgoofygoober]

JJK first years (+ Gojo) with a reader who’s like Teen Geto

gn!reader

warnings: YAYYY NO WARNINGS!!

A/N: yes, this is ANOTHER writing that I wanted to find but I just CANT find anything like this☹️

Gojo Satoru

———

Once he saw you, he immediately knew that he’d like you.

And it only got better once he saw your mannerisms, morals, and just overall other stuff that instantly made him think of Geto.

You were always his favorite student ofc he’d NEVER admit that

You were basically the glue of the first year group so he usually teased you for that, saying stuff like “Wow! Seems like you know how to keep everyone in order, Y/n!”

Of course, it was never an insult but it wasn’t a direct compliment either.

He REALLY doesn’t want you to fall down the same path Geto did so he makes sure to keep an extra good eye on you.

Once Yuji died by Sukuna’s hands, you were impacted by it the worst.

Speeding through missions almost carelessly,

Avoiding your classmates on the regular,

And even almost stopped eating all together.

Luckily, Yuji bounced right back and that would’ve meant no need to confront you about your behavior!! :D

And even if you did get your morals cracked or humanity, Gojo would definitely make sure that he’d stop you before you did anything drastic.

He already made a mistake with his best friend— he won’t make another with his student.

Megumi Fushiguro

———

Megumi honestly found you to be a breath of fresh air.

You were always corporative during missions.

Just someone he found comfort in.

You could have your own moments but it all came down to your relationship.

Of course, he never knew Geto but if he had known that someone like this could’ve been Gojo’s best friend.. he’d might’ve taken interest in him.

You both usually work best together on missions, considering the teamwork you 2 had built up over time.

He likes how easy it is for you to keep calm in tough situations, as well as the ability to keep Yuji and Nobara in line. most of the time

Though, he just a tiny bit skeptical about your idea of “saving everyone” and “strong must protect the weak” thing.

If he ever heard that you defected from Jujutsu High, he’d be shocked at first but determined to get you back, just like the rest of his peers.

Overall, you both are good friends and definitely have eachother’s back.

Yuji Itadori

———

He absolutely LOVES your way of thinking and really looks up to you, even if you guys are the same age

You 2 get along well but you usually have to keep him from doing something stupid or reckless.

Once he found out that his death hit you hard, he immediately apologized once he got the chance.

you guys instantly connected, just like most people would when they met Yuji.

You two are basically a pair made by fate! <3

Though, once he got the news about you defecting, he got confused

(poor Yuji doesn’t know what that means☹️)

When Megumi explains, he’s shell shocked.

He immediately asks so many questions about you, wanting to know where you are so that he could confront you about your decision.

Either way, I say the both of you are similar in so many ways, yet so different in various aspects.

Nobara Kugisaki

———

In a way.. she thinks you're TOO calm at times.

Nobara thinks its a good thing to let loose and get wild at times and she is ALL FOR IT when she gets the idea to try and make you snap.. or give you reasons to snap.

You two are often talking and having petty disagreements that you have to even out

But once its all apart of combat, you don’t really work well together.

Nobara is mostly about going in with a VERY small and kinda risky plan that she made up within 30 seconds..

And you? You’re a bit frustrated by it and end up talking some sense into her.

But, of course, she doesn’t listen to your scoldings and brushes you off rather rudely.

Both of you are like older and younger siblings, always disagreeing, not liking someone else does this or that.. just normal bickering at this point!

Once she figures out that you left, SHE. IS. LIVID.

Absolutely PISSED.

She makes sure to find you and smack some sense into you just like you always did with her!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for reading!! I had some fun writing that for you all!😋

(i struggled with Yuji😡)

[mariacallous]

On Sunday, Speaker of the House Mike Johnson went on television and mixed up Iran and Israel. “We passed the support for Iran many months ago,” he told Meet the Press, erroneously referring to an aid package for the Jewish state. Last night, the Fox News prime-time host Jesse Watters introduced South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem as hailing from South Carolina. I once joined a cable-news panel where one of the participants kept confusing then–Attorney General Jeff Sessions with Representative Pete Sessions of Texas. I don’t hold these errors against anyone, as they are some of the most common miscues made by people who talk for a living—and I’m sure my time will come.

Yesterday, President Joe Biden added another example to this list. In response to a question about Gaza, he referred to the Egyptian leader Abdel Fattah al-Sisi as the president of Mexico. The substance of Biden’s answer was perfectly cogent. The off-the-cuff response included geographic and policy details not just about Egypt, but about multiple Middle Eastern players that most Americans probably couldn’t even name. The president clearly knew whom and what he was talking about; he just slipped up the same way Johnson and so many others have. But the flub could not have come at a worse time. Because the press conference had been called to respond to Special Counsel Robert Hur’s report on Biden’s handling of classified documents, which dubbed the president an “elderly man with a poor memory,” the Mexico gaffe was immediately cast by critics as confirmation of Biden’s cognitive collapse.

But the truth is, mistakes like these are nothing new for Biden, who has been mixing up names and places for his entire political career. Back in 2008, he infamously introduced his running mate as “the next president of the United States, Barack America.” At the time, Biden’s well-known propensity for bizarre tangents, ahistorical riffs, and malapropisms compelled Slate to publish an entire column explaining “why Joe Biden’s gaffes don’t hurt him much.” The article included such gems as the time that then-Senator Biden told the journalist Katie Couric that “when the markets crashed in 1929, ‘Franklin Roosevelt got on the television and didn’t just talk about the princes of greed. He said, “Look, here’s what happened.”’” The only problem with this story, Slate laconically noted, was that “FDR wasn’t president then, nor did television exist.”

In other words, even a cursory history of Biden’s bungling shows that he is the same person he has always been, just older and slower—a gaffe-prone, middling public speaker with above-average emotional intelligence and an instinct for legislative horse-trading. This is why Biden’s signature moments as a politician have been not set-piece speeches, but off-the-cuff encounters, such as when he knelt to engage elderly Holocaust survivors in Israel so they would not have to stand, and when he befriended a security guard in an elevator at The New York Times on his way to a meeting with the paper’s editorial board, which declined to endorse him. And it’s why Biden’s key accomplishments—such as the landmark climate-change provisions of the Inflation Reduction Act, the country’s first gun-control bill in decades, and the expected expansion of the child tax credit—have come through Congress. The president’s strength is not orating, but legislating; not inspiring a crowd, but connecting with individuals.

That said, although Biden’s Mexico mistake might not be a demonstration of dementia, it is a warning sign of a different sort that his campaign would be wise to heed. Recently, the White House declined to have Biden participate in the traditional pre–Super Bowl interview this coming Sunday. The administration framed this decision as part of a broader strategy favoring nontraditional media, but it was reasonably seen as an attempt to shield the candidate from scrutiny. The president’s staff is understandably reluctant to put Biden front and center, knowing that his slower speed and inevitable gaffes—both real and fabricated—will feed the mental-acuity narrative. But in actuality, the bar for Biden has been set so laughably low that he can’t help but vault over it simply by showing up. By contrast, limiting his appearances ensures that the public mostly encounters the president through decontextualized social-media clips of his slipups.

As Slate observed in 2008, the frequency of Biden’s rhetorical miscues helped neutralize them in the eyes of the public. In 2024, Biden will have an assist from another source: Donald Trump. Among other recent lapses, the former president has called Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orbán “the leader of Turkey,” confused Nancy Pelosi and Nikki Haley, and repeatedly expressed the strange belief that he won the 2020 election. With an opponent prone to vastly worse feats of viscous verbosity, Biden can’t help but look better by comparison, especially if he starts playing offense instead of defense.

But none of this will happen by itself. If the president and his campaign want the headlines to be something other than “Yes, Biden Knows Who the President of Egypt Is,” they’ll have to start making news, not reacting to it.

[ohmygodtheywereparabatai]

i wanted to invite a conversation about this because it’s genuinely been bothering me for a long time. and i in fact wasn’t immune to it either and am just now realizing this is the power of cinematic brainwashing.

but like, tgm is so many bad things. sexist, racist, ageist, to scratch the tip of the iceberg. token characters that meet the bare minimum for diversity, and sidelined women - i’d even say exploited women. a narrative that is so egocentric that it’s miraculous that some characters manage to hold their own instead of being swept under the charismatic magnetism of the reckless bad boy character who can get away with murder because deep down, he’s regretful, and he has a good heart.

what a shallow representation of the military, and what a disservice to those who were inspired to join because they thought the real life experience would mirror even a fraction of what is presented on screen. the reality is that there was never a competition to win a top gun trophy, and in fact today you have to pay 5$ at the top gun school if you even mention the film. that speaks for itself.

tom cruise being a huge part of the production process has made it impossible for me not to hold him responsible for the choices that have been made. to even subtitle the sequel movie with “Maverick”, the same protagonist as in the first one, comes across as insanely egotistical - and honestly a testament to how mav’s story manages to drown out the autonomy and validity of other characters. i’ll explain this terms of ice, penny, carole, and charlie. you’ll notice how i’m gonna be bringing up three women.

ice-

i don’t care that val kilmer gave the okay on using his cancer as a plot point. i care that cancer was not only used as a plot point, but treated like this ^

“i’m dying. you have bigger problems.”

the original script seems to peel back the layers of tgm’s intended messaging, so i’m using several examples. this is what is being communicated. i honestly don’t know what else to add. in or out of context, this is incredibly disturbing - and that it’s played as a self-aware quip from ice, even more so. the bond of wingmen goes both ways, and i just didn’t see that… if anything, that aspect leaned so heavily on the first film (the photo of them smiling at each other) that it just proves my point. it took ice’s death for mav to get up off his ass and do something to keep his career afloat besides get a cop-out from the compacflt. ice in the first movie was a compelling antagonist and voice of reason - now he’s mostly relegated to the role of babysitter, denying mav’s character the growth of accountability by simply erasing his poor choices with a phone call.

it’s why the darkstar scene pisses me off. to stop at mach 10 would have been fine, but to push it just for the sake of it is ridiculous. the fact that earlier mav states “i know what happens to everyone else if i don’t” in regards to his decision only makes this screw-up more laughable, because to me it’s the very contradiction of maverick: his intentions do not balance with his actions. costing the military millions of dollars in a few seconds somehow balances with his heartfelt desire to protect the interests of its workforce.

penny-

shortly before, during, and after this screenshot, i counted a total of 6 times that penny made it clear she would not appreciate mav’s advances. regardless, mav goes on to say “you look good”. this flirtation happens before mav is even aware of her marital status, as he asks amelia “where’s your dad?” in a later scene… which… dear god.

penny also says “it always ends the same with us, so let’s not start this time”, indicating this is a repeated pattern in which her boundaries weren’t respected and moreover, the relationship ended up failing. yet this is framed as the main romance of tgm, a wonderful and nostalgic callback to the original that ends as stereotypically as possible.

i love penny. she’s witty, caring, independent, and of course stunning. so i find her treatment in tgm a disservice to what started out as a rich and compelling character. she later ends up mav’s shoulder to cry on, more or less, comforting him after losing his wingman and his position as instructor. the song “hold my hand” is thematically suited for penny, playing in the background at the bar and in the notes of the score during her scenes - even musically, she is turned into a source of consolation first, and her own woman second. she’s his prize at the end of the film, falling for the promise “i’m never gonna leave you again”, which i don’t buy for a second. they fly into the sunset, presumably signifying a new horizon for their relationship - but i feel so dissatisfied with this arc for her and think she deserved much better.

that mav gets away with this behavior is something i’d like to see more people reflect on. it seems to be a pattern with male protagonists, in which case the function of male and protagonist in hollywood cinema needs an examination.

carole-

top gun (1986):

this is an especially crude exploitation to me. not only is carole the one consoling a young maverick (if a full-fledged 24 year old can be called young, in light of the tendency people have to dismiss his choices in ‘86) after his mistake costs her own husband his life… but her stance, even following a tragedy of that magnitude, didn’t change. goose would have flown anyway, and she knows that well enough - on top of that, it’s easy to see she would have supported him.

it came as a surprise to me that she wouldn’t in turn support her own son, who is clearly committed to a career as a pilot. in the end, i see a cheap narrative device that contradicts carole’s character, undermines her strength as a wife and mother, both in order to serve the interests of the plot. maverick in tgm needs a viable reason to hide a secret, to be tortured by his own consequences, to put further strain on his tension with bradley. there were plenty of other ways to do it, but the fact that it was this leaves a sour taste in my mouth.

charlie-

it’s my understanding that tom cruise’s personal reason (his excuse) for not bringing back charlie was that he didn’t like how their relationship ended. if there’s any source confirming or denying this, i’d appreciate a link.

anyways. yeah. this is… a huge problem with hollywood at large, which kelly mcgillis understands, but i’ll break it down. there’s a simpler reason this pisses me off more than anything. tgm’s entire subject matter is about repairing relationships. penny benjamin was dredged out of obscurity to do it. maverick and rooster’s grudge of 30+ years was used to do it. iceman’s character, as warped as he feels, is another way the film made this its theme. but charlie is out of the question?

that val kilmer could be asked to return, and make an insane amount of money for each second he’s on screen, but such an opportunity is never given to kelly mcgillis, who herself centers on the 1986 poster, speaks volumes to me. tom cruise even planted his foot when it came to reprising iceman, saying he wouldn’t do this movie without val in it.

it’s worth mentioning that viper and slider were also present at ice’s funeral, but this scene was cut out. for a film that’s quite heavy-handed with its nostalgic callbacks, this was an odd decision. until realizing, as my friend put it, that even ice’s death couldn’t be about him, whether it had brought in his own teacher or his rio - his goose. it had to revolve around mav, to catalyze a turning point for him in the plot.

also… a shoutout to the erasure of sarah kazansky, pretty much everywhere. that also tells me a lot.

…

this was just a dissection of the various character portrayals (or absences) in tgm that have bothered me since forever. this isn’t even going into how tgm accomplishes everything that propaganda sets out to do. combinations of stunning visuals, soaring music composed by masters like hans zimmer, the charismatic power of a cast packed with stars… all play a role in the blinding awesomeness of tgm, which has taken me this long to break away from.

consider the white/poc duos in the film: maverick and hondo, hangman and coyote, cyclone and warlock. who has more lines? who plays a greater role? why is that?

i don’t see this as real diversity. it masquerades as inclusion, which i find worse. and to cast an actor of asian descent, and give him the callsign yale? … wow.

framing is powerful. its influence in cinematography is unmatched. a story is being constructed and told not only through dialogue, but sound, visuals, editing… really, nothing can be dismissed as insignificant. i’m not asking for a scholarly interrogation of all media you consume, though, that would be so excellent, and so healthy… but i am trying to raise these questions in the community, of what gets lost when a main character is so overwhelmingly main. when someone like tc has so much control over the decision-making process, since it’s sort of a running joke that maverick is a tc self-insert. my focus isn’t the inclusions, but the exclusions.

and finally, since i’ve unfortunately spent a lot of life writing this post… it’s interesting to me that many viewers in hindsight seem to see top gun 1986 so differently. as kids, they sided with mav over the antagonist. an older audience returning to the first film now seem to side with iceman, seeing him as the rational one attempting to raise important points. i wonder if this will be the case with top gun: maverick in the future. in which case, i’m excited to see more cyclone fans. he’s my favorite character… unsurprisingly.

oh. one last thing.

“the man, the myth, the legend” … the word myth has two meanings:

…

happy reading.

[m1ssunderstanding]

Get Back Rewatch 55 Years On: Day Five

The thing is I absolutely love the album that comes out of this mess. Like I know a lot of people do not like Let It Be, but so many of my favorite songs are on it. One of them being “I Me Mine.” The walz element is haunting, and I can read the lyrics as anti-capitalist even though George himself mostly wasn’t. 

Laughing my head off at two boys from one of the best grammar schools in England, who have at this point made millions off of their writing, genuinely not knowing whether it should be “more freer” or “more freely”

The difference in how George shows Paul his new song vs John is striking. For Paul, he’s relaxed, nonchalant. For John, he stands up and performs it. And I think both are a defense mechanism, poor baby, because clearly, although Paul was very supportive of the song while they were alone, when John is roasting it, Paul just laughs along and George has to go “I don’t give a fuck whether you like it.” 

Ah, the famous “up-against-a-wall” conversation. Paul comes in all dominant and sure. “Haven’t you written anything else? Haven’t you?” But then John touches him, and makes him laugh, and Paul’s a melted, goo-goo-eyes mess. This is the real reason why John got to be the leader isn’t it? Because Paul was too damn soft on him to ever follow through with his bossiness.

Their scouse sounds BEAUTIFUL compared to the stupid ugly RP and MLH’s transatlantic shit.

“And now John’d like to say a few words on the subject.” John starts singing, Paul strums along and joins in on the “chorus.” They can’t communicate like healthy people, but they Can do this. 

So Peter Jackson took out Paul’s bitchy nod at Yoko as he’s stealing her man in real time right in front of her eyes. Unforgivable. But he kept in this adorable laugh, so that’s something. 

Three more covers that I think *mean something* “Stand By Me” and “Spinning Like a Top” by Paul, followed by “You Win Again” by John. Yoko’s sweet little shoulder kiss. Thank you for taking care of the poor wet kitten, girly. Maybe don’t introduce the poor wet kitten to heroine, but you do you, I guess. (OP recognizes that poor wet kitten is also an adult capable of making his own decisions)

The cut from Paul literally dancing to get John’s attention straight to John dancing with Yoko while inside Paul’s head a silver hammer is clanging ominously. I can’t. Followed by the knowing, loving smile from Ringo to Paul. You know, those moments when you validate your friend’s bitchy thoughts with a look. 

George is literally SO big inside himself, you know? You have to have superhuman self-love abilities to watch your friend – who is supposed to be helping you – shamelessly make fun of your art . . . and just “Do you wanna do that walz on the show? That’d be great.”

But did you guys know John was actually a really great mover?

“Yes, alright. Just sod off.” I love John. Paul’s people-pleasing ass would literally die first and he needs John to do this kind of shit for him and John’s only too happy to.

The moment when Paul and John are on the same wavelength about Dennis O’Dell’s stage. 

OK but. Did John get the clear plastic idea from Yoko’s art exhibits? 

“Any time we do anything it’s always got to be the best.” Poor Ringo. They’re all literally so tired of carrying so much weight for such a long time. 

“See, I’d watch an hour of him just playing the piano. Cause he’s so great.” With that fond, loving, smile. SUCH big dick energy here. The others could NEVER. 

“And I’ll have the plastic when you’re finished.” Literally for what, though? John, you little hoarding goblin. 

And then Ringo responding to MLH’s “I love you” with “Yes, I love you too.” Yeah, Ringo wins the prize for most healthy beatle of the day. 

*Pattie Boyd voice* “I just wish I knew what was going on there. But something. Something.”

Ugh, John looks so hurt. So tender. So heartbroken. While Paul is over there playing a damn funeral march because that’s the only way he lets himself express anything. But I actually love how Dennis O’Dell knows the clearest path to cheering John up is to say that Paul liked his idea. And how well it works. They’re literally so obvious to everyone but themselves. 

I love the bit when John walks in on the rest of them discussing the live show and MLH calls, “We’ve decided. We’re going to Africa.” And Paul hurries to cut in, “No we’re NOT.” Because he knows exactly how John can get and he’s going to nip this in the bud before John gets let down. And of course, John is all “YEAH LETS GO LETS GO!” And he’s talking about how they always wish they were recording abroad. “We could be in LA, or FRANCE.” (side eye emoji) 

Paul’s “Well said, John.” and “I’ve seen it, John. I went to the premiere. I thought you were great.” Why do all your compliments to him have to be in silly voices? Like, I know you think everyone is going to call you a pussy for saying something genuinely kind to your best friend, but they’re not, and he needs it. 

Holy shit this was a long day. See you all tomorrow with another long-winded-ass post.

[amultifandom-mess]

That fucking season has me screaming, crying and throwing the fuck up!

(Spoilers ahead for TUA season 4)

Not in the way you think tho.

Fuck! First and foremost, the Five and Lila storyline. Five did not need to fall in love with Lila. It could have been anyone else (or, for all you Five is aroace truthers out there, no love interest at all)!!

There were so many other ways that the multiple Five's and the realisation that the brellies are the problem could have happened. And they choose to go with THAT! THAT FUCKING BULLSHIT!!

They pulled that shit from their ass as a poor excuse to add drama! There are better ways to add drama without making Lila a cheater and making Five a home wrecker!!

Not even kidding, at the start of the season, I was all "Oh my god, I'm genuinely in love with Five. I actually love him!" Like I was down bad for this fictional fucking character... And then episode 5 happened and I fucking 180'd!! I was fully like "FUCK HIM" With my middle finger up and shit every time that mf came on screen.

I genuinely cannot even stand the sight of the character I once loved with my whole heart.

Five was the reason I fell in love with this show. Shallow, I'm aware but can't fight the truth. And I still do LIKE the show to some capacity, don't get me wrong. I just won't ever watch it again unless it's to analyse/criticize it. And I sure as shit do not LOVE it anymore.

Not even just Five's involvement. But having Diego and Lila in a loveless marriage AT ALL was just a shitty ass decision. They aren't the healthiest, sure BUT LOVELESS IS A STRETCH AND THEY REALLY WENT OUT OF THEIR WAY TO REACH FOR IT!

Fuck the writers, honestly.

I'm sure there's more I can say about that storyline but I'll leave it at that.

Now for the others!

* Luther should have grieved Sloane more. Sure, it's been six years and he still loves her clearly but.. well yeah

* Allison was forgiven too quickly. Again, six years. But no one had talked to her (outside of Klaus) for the entirety of those six years. Surely there was still some level of resentment for anger. She betrayed them for fucks sake! AND SA'd LUTHER!!

* In the end, Abigail's storyline made no sense. So Reginald brought her back to life and because the brellies (her creation, via the marigolds) keep destroying the world, she decides to help them end it, but this time completely?? I mean sure it was to reset the universe COMPLETELY this time... This one isn't actually a complaint. I like how they did this but it could have been dragged out across more episodes and explained a bit better

* My theory from season 1 that the "something that was meant to end" (when the Handler was talking to Fuckface) was right!! I said it was the brellies and I was RIGHT!!

* Ben and Jennifer were really cute but I don't love that they merged and became that monster at the end. Could have just had them turn into a kugelblitz dupe or smth!! That's what I thought was gonna happen honestly

* RAY WOULD SURE AS SHIT NOT WALK OUT ON ALLISON!

* I hate that Klaus just got his powers back, hasn't even had them for a day and just went back to his junkie life just cause it's a pattern!! PATTERNS CAN BE BROKEN!! KLAUS DID NOT NEED TO , BASICALLY, FORCE IT TO HAPPEN

* Was it just me or was the special effects in this season just so shit?? Like the vomit looked so fake. Compared to Klaus's barf in season 2, this shit looks so obviously fake. Same with some of the blood in some scenes.

* Speaking of bloody scenes, WHERE WERE THE FIGHT SCENES?? INSTEAD OF ASSASSINATING FIVE'S FUCKING CHARACTER THEY COULD HAVE HAD HIM ASSASSINATING A GROUP OF VIOLENT KEEPERS OR SOMETHING!!

I'm sure there's more I could add to this but I'll just leave it here. I'll add more to the comments if I think of it. Or you guys can, no biggie.