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maeumi-jng · 8 months

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hiii!! i love ur writing it’s absolutely adorable 🥹🫶 i was wondering if you could write something about riki & reader and maybe the reader is just a little older than him like a few months to a year? and they are very adamant on giving him his space especially since he has dealt with… so much from older fans. but riki rlly likes the reader and he’s frustrated because he doesn’t want her to think of him like a kid maybe 🤔 but reader likes him back she is just scared bc she feels like what if she makes him uncomfortable? but then it has a happy ending because they talk it out & jungwon helps them 😭🫶 totally understand if u don’t want to take this request! even if u don’t, it’s alright i love ur writing sm

kiss her you fool

pairing: idol!riki nishimura x idol!fem!reader, childhood bsf!yang jungwon x reader

synopsis: riki likes you. you like him. if the maths is right, you should be together. but riki left one variable unaccounted for. or in which riki must get to the bottom of why you are withholding your feelings for him if it's the last thing he does

warnings: reader is a year older, ANGST, mention of c-19, DISGUSTING OLD CREEPY FANS, mentions of sexual harassment, insecurity, problems of young debuting and discrimination, and crying, jealousy, swearing, appearance of riize's anton, riki being an absolute menace but a communication king 😤, romantic confessions, cringe but fluffy, proof-read before dinner soooo ☺️

word count: 2k+ library: enhypen bookshelf

author’s note: it's my first request 😭 i got youuuuuuu. i didn't mean for this to get so um well sappy and sad, got a bit carried away with the 'older fans' thing, but thank you so much for requesting! i hope this is up to par ♡︎ // song rec is titular but not really incorporated

You had made a mistake.

A very big mistake.

Liking Riki Nishimura.

How exactly that happened... well almost four years ago now, in 2020.

The practical shut down of all things physical in the industry. No concerts, no fan meetings, no live performances, restricted filming... the entire world had gone quiet.

Yet, as humans had done since the dawn of time, there was adaptation. Online concerts that were pre-recorded and emphasised stage performances, masked filming with very few staff, well.. masked everything...

And in the midst of all of this, was I-LAND. The survival show that would form a new boy group. The same show that your childhood best friend, Yang Jungwon, was participating in. As his friend, former label mate, and a representative of BigHit, you were very enthusiastic, promoting the show when you could on your lives and consistently voting for him, producing the theme song, even coming on the last episode with your seniors.

Jungwon did it. He got first place. With almost 1.5 million votes. To withhold all your tears that day was a heavy task. You didn't want anyone to think that the votes had been manipulated due to your influence so you had kept a bit quiet about your relation to Jungwon. But you were just so proud.

People eventually found out soon though. Months before ENHYPEN was to debut with the claims that it just made sense that you two were childhood friends.

Along with him came six other people that you would soon make lifelong friends with, Heeseung, Jay, Jake, Sunghoon, Sunoo, and Niki. You debuted quite early and despite being the youngest leader ever to debut and the maknae, friends were hard to come by (surprise surprise). So you welcomed these with open arms. Any friend of Jungwon was going to be a friend of yours.

You cherished all the members in their own ways but you couldn't lie and say Riki wasn't special to you. He reminded you of yourself. So young yet so passionate. Furthermore, he was Japanese. Living in a foreign country by yourself at such at such as young age... it had to be tough.

So in a way, you took him in. By that you meant your mother had basically accepted him as her son and you took care of him as if you were his older sister. You helped him with his Korean, your mother invested into learning Japanese cuisine so he didn't feel too homesick, always sending you with tiffins of food to the company or to the dorm, you stayed by him during the tough times... you made sure that he never felt alone, even for a second. You promised him.

The thing about debuting so young was that it often attracted the wrong type of people. You had gone through it and were still going through it despite turning twenty soon. Older fans... they seemed to love you. Especially, older men. From shouting your name loudly and asking for cute poses at fan signs to genuinely asking to marry you and specifically positioning their cameras at a certain angle to capture under your skirt... It was beyond you.

And Riki was going through the same thing, primarily with older women. Asking to marry him, seeing him shirtless, inappropriate fan fiction... the list of crazy was endless.

But your group and especially ENHYPEN wasn't having any of it. You all tried to the best of your ability to protect Riki but it just never seemed to stop. There were just so many weird people out there. It was infuriating.

You stuck to your promise. You made sure Riki felt safe and you could tell it was working. He was always honest with you, at his most vulnerable. He could share anything with you and he'd feel comfortable. You were the one person closest to him, there was no doubt about it.

But then you had to fuck it up. You got feelings.

You didn't realise it at first. But by the end of last year, you were sure. The long hugs, the stares that lasted a second more than they should've, Riki's abrupt clinginess... all of the mundane things were suddenly making you flustered and open the opportunity to having arrhythmia with all your fluctuating heartbeats.

You weren't sure what to do. It terrified you. How were you any different from the older fans? Well, of course there was a difference. But that year difference between the both of you... it was imposing.

So you did the only thing that made any sense to you. You gave him space.

You thought the space you were giving wasn't too obvious. You just wanted Riki to feel lighter and free.

But he noticed.

Immediately.

Riki noticed your wide smiles were now brief, the fewer texts you shared, the pathetic excuses you made to not hang out as much, the way you never sat with him to eat your mom's food... that the space you gave him was also physical given that you no longer sat right next to him but opted to sit diagonal to him (that way you weren't invading him too much).

Riki wasn't the type to beat around the bush. He directly confronted you. A trait that came naturally to him but was only furthered by the ever so direct Jungwon.

When you told him that you just wanted to give him a bit of space, given that he was older now and the whole plight of dealing with his 'fans'... Riki was in turmoil.

On one hand, an ever small part of him was touched that you cared so much. Not that was a surprise. You had the biggest heart he had ever seen.

But for the most part, he was frustrated. See, the thing was... he liked you too. A lot. Maybe too much for a normal human. It wasn't that you took care of him like a sister (if anything that combination would've made him throw up), but it was just you.

You entirely made him like you. Before he debuted, Riki was a big fan of you. He admired your work and passion, especially for as someone as young as you. Not to mention, he's pretty sure that you're the prettiest person in the entire universe. Never did he think he'd actually meet you. But then you visited I-LAND, twice. Once for the theme song and second for the last episode. And Riki was in awe of you. He couldn't believe it!

But that was nothing in comparison to finding out that he was debuting with ENHYPEN, a group that so happened to have Jungwon, your childhood best friend, and would often meet you to have their songs produced and composed.

And then you took him in.

He remembered it like it was yesterday. Heck, he could never forget it even if he tried.

You found Riki head down, crying alone in the dance practice room and you were immediately by his side. He was having an internal crisis.

It had been a few months since he had debuted and everything was going so well. ENHYPEN was popular. But his Korean was barely up to par, he couldn't keep up with everything that was going on, it was fuzzy in his head, people were commenting on his ethnicity and his looks in ways that discriminated him, he missed authentic Japanese food, he missed his annoying sisters, he missed his dad, his mom... he missed home. God, in that moment, he just wanted to go home.

You sat next to him, listening to all his worries quietly. By the time he was finished, he looked up at you with puffy red eyes that made your heart ache and apologised for burdening you with his problems.

He actually apologised.

For a moment, you were speechless.

So being an experienced person (well a year by age and a few more by career), you did what anyone else would do. Well, you hoped.

You wiped the remaining tears off of his face with your thumb and held his hands with yours. You looked him directly in the eye and told him, "You having nothing to be sorry about, Riki-ah. This... this is all normal to feel. To some extent, I know how you feel. I promise you that you'll get through this. I'll be by your side the entire time, hmm? I'm won't leave you alone. I promise."

With that, you brought him into a hug that he reciprocated. And this was the very moment Riki began to have feelings for you. After all of that and with everything you had done for him, how could he not like you?

Riki's frustration was beginning to peak. Ever since you told him you were giving him space, he had decided to the complete opposite. He was going to be up in your business 24 fucking 7 (if he could).

If you were going to sit away him, Riki would make his hyungs move so he could sit right next to you.

You were too far from him? He'd drag your chair close to him.

Your poor text response rate? Unannounced, Riki would walk into the room, rest his head on your lap, and scroll through TikTok, showing you all the videos he found funny.

But he needed to up his game. They say that flirting is a mastery of sort. It takes time, skill, finesse, if you will. Riki, however, is a fast learner.

"Cute hoodie, noona. But you'd look better in mine."

Backstage, you found him waiting outside your dressing room, on his phone. You sighed, shaking your head. "You're a living nightmare, Riki. You know that?"

Riki looked up from his phone, a smirk tugging away at his lips. His eyes grinned at you with their hanging lids. "So you do dream about me? That's nice to know."

When you gave him your most miffed expression, a soft laugh fell from his lips. "You look so cute when you're mad, noona."

The other time you were at HYBE cafeteria. You had finally given into your stomach's needs after slugging away for hours at a song. You spotted a nice yellow iced cupcake... it was calling your name. Just as you went to pick it up, Riki's hand intervened. His fingers brushed against yours, making you immediately retract your fingers. "R-Riki... yah, I was going to get that."

"I know," Riki said, amused by your flustered expression. "I'm going to get it for you."

Then came RIIZE's Anton. An idol who happened to be the same age, also produced music, also spoke English, had the most softest voice known to mankind, devilishly handsome, tall without stupid vitamins... and happened to be shipped heavily with you by everyone and their mother.

Also known as: Riki's worst enemy.

You were both coming out of the studio when Riki had caught the both of you on the way. From how he saw things, he didn't like it one bit. He didn't like the eye-smile Anton had when he looked at you nor did he like the smile you had at the poor joke he had cracked.

Hands shoved in his pockets, Riki stopped in front of you, interrupting your conversation. "Oh, hey, noona."

"Hmm? Oh, hey, Riki. Anton, this is–"

Completely ignoring the Boston-born but moved to New Jersey whatever-the-fuck guy, Riki just smiled at you. "Noona, you look so pretty today. What's the occasion? Me?"

You went home and screamed in your pillow that day (and apologised profusely to Anton (he said it was okay because anyone with a single brain cell could tell you and Riki were close)).

You had had enough.

The next day you had stomped into the dance practice room with Riki and Jungwon following after you because you had met them just as you were entering. Closing the door, you turned to your childhood friend who was placing his bag down.

With one hand pointing to Riki, "Tell him to stop it."

Jungwon raised a brow, looking at you incredulously. "Stop... what exactly?"

"I– stop... stop this," You stressed when Riki shuffled closer to you.

Jungwon looked at you helplessly. He knew how you felt. But he also know how Riki felt. In fact, he was the one who suggested him to be more obvious with his feelings... resulting in this. Clearly, Riki had misunderstood being obvious with being a bit more invasive. Probably, Jungwon's fault... What you two needed to do was communication.

Just as Jungwon opened his mouth again, he watched you push Riki so he stood a metre away from you. "Stay over there."

So much for communication.

Riki pursed his lips, pretending to ponder your suggestion. He took a step closer to you. "But I want to be next to you."

Your eye twitched in frustration. "Riki!" You cried out, balling your fists around the invisible air with annoyance. "Can't you just stop? I told you... you need space. With everything that's being going on for three years... I'm worried about you."

All the humour that was sported by Riki had disappeared in the matter of seconds. He chewed down on his lip, eyes darting around the room, registering what you had just said. He sucked in a sharp breath. "I'm not a kid, noona. Not anymore. I'm older. I have thoughts. and... I have feelings too."

You blinked, letting out an exasperated sigh. "I know but... I just... I just wanted you to gave some space. Some time to think for yourself as a person. It's important for you."

Riki's tongue poked the inside of his cheek. His eyes fell to you, meeting your tired gaze directly. "You said you'd never leave me alone."

Your eyes suddenly softened at his words while your heart ached. "Riki-ah, I'm not–"

"You promised, noona," Riki whispered, a flash of hurt crossing him. He took a step closer while you took another back. "You're afraid of something."

You furrowed your brows. "W-What? I'm not afraid–" You started to defend yourself but Riki cut you off again, not heeding to the warnings Jungwon was calling out.

"No, you are. What are you so afraid of, noona? Tell me... we can fix together. This time I'll help you," Riki persuaded, still inching towards you.

"Riki," You breathed out. God, you were a mess. All you emotions were everywhere. You didn't know what to think... what to say. "Why are you making this so difficult?"

Riki's hands stretched out, encasing yours with his. "I'm not making anything difficult. I think you're just in denial. In denial that I really like you. In denial that you like me just as much."

Your heart skipped a beat at the sudden confrontation. The guard you had built for the past few weeks had come flying down after taking every hit from Riki. "I... I don't wont you to feel uncomfortable," You confessed, "I don't won't you to feel pressured because I'm older than you... because of everything we've done together."

"Noona, I–" Riki's shoulders fell at your admission. God, the fact you were even thinking of that was entirely disheartening. "I don't feel pressured at all. You could never make me feel uncomfortable. I– you're the only person in the universe who actually makes me feel comfortable. No offence, hyung."

Jungwon raised his hands, gesturing his acceptance and dismissal at the same time.

Riki kept his eyes on you, hands tightening around yours. "I'm grateful for everything you've done for me but that's not the only reason I like you. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. You might not know it but you welcome everyone with open arms, the most beautiful woman I know, but don't tell my mom that, you're so smart, hardworking, caring... you make me want to be a better person. You make me happy, noona."

You blinked rapidly. Were you dreaming right now? Was this a prank of some sort? You removed your hands from Riki's, using the tips of your fingers to pinch your skin of your wrist. A small yelp slipped past your mouth.

Riki jumped slightly, startled. His hands immediately returned to yours, gently rubbing the affected area. "Noona," He chuckled, "This is real. All of it's real. My feelings for you are real."

"Just making sure," You laughed softly before sighing. A wave of heat washed over you and your mouth felt dry. What were you to say now? How do you respond to something so silly yet so valid?

"You can just say you like me, noona," Riki said, eyes beaming down at you in amusement.

Of course you had said that out loud.

You sucked in a sharp breath, slowly exhaling. "I... I like you, Riki," You mumbled.

Riki narrowed his eyes. "I can't hear you," He teased, grinning from ear to ear.

"Nope, nope." You retracted your hands. "I take it back. I'm taking it back... right now."

Riki laughed, reaching out for your hand, only to pull you into a hug. He lifted you gently, spinning you around with pure happiness rushing into his brain.

"Riki," You cried out, "I'm going to feel sick," You said, even though a full blown smile was on your face.

"It's okay," He retorted back, slowly coming to a stop and putting you back on the floor. "If you do..." His hand darted out to push back your hair behind your ear. "I'll take care of you. I promise."

After a brief minute, Riki turned to the empty area where Jungwon once stood. "Where did hyung go?"

"I think he left after you said I was beautiful," You cooed.

A flush of red tinted Riki's ears and cheeks. He folded his arms, getting defensive. "I... Well... it's true!"

#maeumi-jng #maeumi jng’s library — enhypen bookshelf ♡︎#enhypen imagines #enhypen x reader #niki x reader #riki nishimura x reader #nishimura riki #enhypen riki #riki x reader #riki fluff

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azucaradamente · 3 months

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streamer!kenma x reader - secret relationship

Synopsis. kenma, in the peak of his career neglected y/n, but dont worry! our pudding head knows exactly how to fix things!

wc. 2,9k words | genre. angst to fluff | cw/tags. streamer!kenma x reader, angst to fluff, post time skip, neglect.

important ! Please if the content was of ur enjoyment dont doubt following me, liking and sharing ;D! maybe i'll make this a little series of streamer!kenma and his girlfriend lives, i have nothing else to say so, enojey! !

Kozume Kenma, or "kodzuken" to his online legion, had finally reached the apex of his streaming career. Years of relentless grinding had paid off, but success often comes with a price. Especially for a relationship... and a sometimes insecure girlfriend.

Y/N, once the undisputed star of Kenma's social media and life, felt a pang of loneliness. She was undeniably happy for her boyfriend, but ever since his rise to influencer status, things had changed. Gone were the days of their selfies plastered across his feeds. Now, his past posts, brimming with her face, were archived – a digital ghost town. Kenma, wary of online scrutiny, decided to keep their relationship private. While Y/N understood the logic, it gnawed at her. Five years together, built on trust and shared experiences, felt invisible to the world. Unknown to Kenma, sleepless nights plagued Y/N.

His phone buzzed incessantly, a constant barrage of love comments, fan messages professing love, and even DMs from other streamers seeking collaboration. Despite knowing Kenma's loyalty, a seed of doubt sprouted – a fear of being overshadowed by his online fame.

Today wasn't any different. Y/N woke to an empty space beside her, the familiar chill a stark contrast to Kenma's usual warmth. He was probably hunched over his computer again, another night sacrificed to the algorithm gods. A pang of sympathy stabbed at her. How could she blame him? Reaching the peak of streaming was his dream, and his excitement over the recent growth was infectious. All she wanted to do was support him, even if it meant sacrificing their mornings together.

Treading softly towards the studio, the faint glow of the monitor spilling into the hallway. Inside, Kenma was indeed sprawled on the worn couch, exhaustion etched on his face. She knelt beside him, her touch feather-light as she ran her fingers through his sleep-tousled hair.

"Ken… sweetheart," she whispered, her voice a gentle nudge. "Why didn't you join me in bed? Your back will hate you later."

Kenma stirred, a low groan escaping his lips. "Just… so tired, Y/N. Almost beat my viewer record last night." A hint of pride snuck into his voice despite the fatigue.

"Amazing, babe! That's fantastic news," Y/N beamed. "But sleep is important too. Come on, let's get you some proper rest. Breakfast is ready, I made your favorite – [insert Kenma's favorite food]."

His response was a mumbled curse, a stark contrast to his usual cheer. A frown tugged at Y/N's lips. Was he annoyed? She knew he was exhausted, but his reaction felt harsher than usual. Maybe she was overthinking it. Taking a deep breath, she nudged him again, this time a little more firmly.

"Up you get, sleepyhead. We can talk more after breakfast."

Moments later, Kenma shuffled out of the studio, a mix of exhaustion and… something else clouding his features. Y/N followed, her smile strained. Breakfast was ready, but the air between them felt thick, a potential storm brewing beneath the surface.

The breakfast was a tense affair. Kenma scrolled through his phone, barely picking at his food. The silence stretched, punctuated only by the clinking of his fork. Finally, Y/N decided to break the ice.

"Hey," she started cautiously, "I was thinking… we haven't really had any quality time together lately. Don't you think it would be nice to… maybe go somewhere tomorrow? Just the two of us?"

Before she could finish her suggestion, Kenma let out a heavy sigh. "Y/N, I can't tomorrow, or today for that matter. I'm swamped. There's this charity stream thing with some new, up-and-coming streamer. My manager practically forced me to do it."

A flicker of disappointment crossed Y/N's face, but she quickly plastered on a smile. "Oh, I see. No worries, I understand completely. You're busy, that's perfectly fine." Her voice held a hint of forced cheerfulness.

A beat of silence hung in the air, heavy with unspoken emotions.

"Of course I understand," Y/N continued, her voice dropping to a low murmur. Maybe a little too low. "My name isn't Kozume 'Always Understanding' Y/N, after all."

Kenma finally looked up from his phone, his brow furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean? What are you getting at?"

Y/N's carefully constructed smile faltered. A surge of frustration bubbled within her. "Maybe," she said, her voice tight, "you should consider what being 'Kozume Understanding' actually costs sometimes."

Kenma pushed back from the table, barely touching his breakfast. "Look, I appreciate you trying to be supportive, but I have a lot on my plate right now. I gotta get everything set up for today's stream." He mumbled something about needing more coffee and practically bolted out of the room.

Y/N sat alone at the table, the untouched food mocking her. Tears welled up in her eyes, blurring her vision. Understanding was one thing, but feeling invisible was a whole other story. The air crackled with unspoken resentment, leaving a bitter taste in her mouth.

A few hours had crawled by since the breakfast debacle. Y/N found herself folding warm laundry in the bedroom, the rhythmic whoosh of the dryer a monotonous lullaby. In an attempt to bridge the gap, she turned on the TV, pulling up Kenma's stream. He was just a few rooms away, physically close yet emotionally distant. Tuning in had always been a source of comfort, a way to connect even when they were apart.

But today, the comfort was replaced by a gnawing emptiness. The stream displayed two camera feeds: Kenma on one side, and a girl on the other. The unfamiliar face sent a jolt through Y/N. So, this was the "new streamer" Kenma mentioned. Y/N hadn't expected a girl.

They were playing Minecraft, a stark contrast to the usual high-octane games Kenma gravitated towards. The girl was chirping cheerfully, gathering flowers, while Kenma focused on mining deep underground. A humorless chuckle escaped Y/N's lips. How predictable.

Despite his focus, the chat box buzzed with activity. "Great duo!" "Shipping them so hard!" "You two should collab more often!" The girl, clearly enjoying the attention, punctuated her flower-picking with playful glances towards Kenma and flirtatious comments. He, on the other hand, seemed oblivious, a mix of annoyance and feigned disinterest etched on his features. He muttered a few sarcastic replies, clearly trying to deflect her advances.

But Y/N wasn't convinced. The way the girl preened, the way the chat reacted, it all felt… intrusive. A subtle shift began to gnaw at her. Maybe it wasn't just the lack of quality time that bothered her. Maybe it was the realization that this new reality, this world Kenma inhabited, wasn't one she felt comfortable sharing.

With a decisive click, Y/N shut off the TV. Enough boyfriend content for one day, she thought bitterly. Intellectually, she knew there was nothing wrong with Kenma collaborating with another streamer, especially a girl. Yet, a suffocating tightness constricted her chest.

It wasn't just the girl's undeniable beauty – the cascading hair, the infectious voice, the effortless charm that seemed to captivate the chat. It was the way the internet, that ever-hungry beast, latched onto the situation.

Four hours. That's all it took for the fandom to erupt. Fan art depicting them as a couple flooded Twitter. A dedicated hashtag, #KenmaAndQueen (Queen being the other streamer's username, no doubt), trended at an alarming rate. The internet worked in mysterious ways, Y/N thought, a humorless laugh escaping her lips.

Tears pricked at her eyes as she scrolled through clips people had already made of the stream. The girl's relentless flirting, the forced interactions designed to fuel speculation – it all felt like a cruel parody of their own relationship. Y/N couldn't hold back any longer. Fat tears streamed down her face, blurring the screen.

The last few months of loneliness and neglect had taken their toll. The trickle of tears transformed into a torrent, sobs wracking Y/N's body. The sound was probably louder than she'd intended, echoing through the house.

A few minutes later, Kenma appeared at the bedroom door, his face etched with concern. "Y/N? What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Y/N's sobs intensified, her voice barely a whisper. "Kenma," she managed to choke out, "do you like Queen?"

Kenma's brow furrowed in confusion. "Queen? What do you mean?"

"The streamer you were with today," Y/N explained, her voice trembling. "Do you like her? Is she better than me? Prettier? Funnier?"

Her words hung in the air, heavy with insecurity. She felt like a shadow compared to Queen's radiant presence, her own worth diminishing with each passing moment.

Kenma's eyes widened in disbelief. "Y/N, what are you talking about? Queen is just a colleague. I don't like her in that way. And you're the most amazing, beautiful, and intelligent person I know. Don't ever compare yourself to anyone else."

He gently pulled her into a hug, his warmth radiating through her. "I love you, Y/N. More than words can say. You're the only one for me."

Y/N's tears subsided, replaced by a sense of relief. Kenma's words were like a balm to her wounded soul. She nuzzled into his embrace, feeling safe and loved.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice still laced with emotion. "I just felt so insecure watching you with her. The fans, the comments, the whole situation just got to me."

Kenma chuckled softly. "I understand, love. But you have nothing to worry about. You're my everything, and no one could ever replace you."

He held her tighter, his presence a comforting anchor in the storm of her emotions. Y/N felt a surge of gratitude for this man who saw her for who she truly was, insecurities and all.

As they sat in silence, enveloped in each other's embrace, a sense of peace settled over Y/N. Kenma's words had not magically erased her insecurities, but they had offered a glimmer of hope, a reminder that their love was strong enough to weather any storm. An idea sparked in Kenma's eyes. He reached for Y/N's hand, his expression a mix of determination and nervousness. "Come on," he said gently, pulling her towards his streaming room.

Y/N's heart hammered against her ribs. She wasn't sure what Kenma was planning, but a sliver of hope flickered within her. They entered the room, the familiar hum of the computer the only sound. Kenma settled back into his gaming chair, gesturing for Y/N to stand beside him, just out of frame.

He took a deep breath and addressed the chat. "Hey everyone, sorry for the sudden break. Thanks to some attentive viewers, it seems you might have heard some… background noise." He glanced at Y/N, a playful smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "Yep, those cries were from my amazing girlfriend here."

A collective gasp, presumably from Queen, erupted from the speakers. Y/N felt a wave of heat flush her cheeks. Kenma ignored it, his focus laser-sharp.

"The truth is," he continued, his voice low and sincere, "I haven't been the best boyfriend lately. I let my career take priority, neglecting the most important person in my life." Y/N's breath caught in her throat.

He reached out, gently taking her hand in his. "This is me, publicly apologizing. Y/N, I've been a jerk, and I want to change that." He squeezed her hand, his eyes locking with hers, conveying a wealth of emotions that transcended words.

A beat of silence hung in the air, thick with tension. Then, with a swift movement, Kenma pulled Y/N closer, framing her face in the camera's view. "This," he declared, his voice husky, "is the most amazing, supportive, and thankfully, understanding girlfriend a guy could ask for." He leaned in, his lips brushing hers in a tender kiss.

"Isn't she the prettiest?" Kenma murmured against her skin, a playful glint in his eyes. He pulled back slightly, cupping her face, his gaze holding hers. A blush bloomed across Y/N's cheeks, a mixture of relief, surprise, and a flicker of possessiveness aimed at the unseen Queen.

Kenma chuckled, the sound warm and genuine. "Alright everyone, enough mush for one day. We'll be back with the stream shortly, but for now, I have some serious apologizing to do." He winked at Y/N, a silent promise hanging in the air.

#kozume x reader #kozume kenma #haikyu x reader #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu #streamer kenma #streamer!kenma #secret relationship #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n

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yunhogosailing · 2 months

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So…you want to know more about Korean shipping terminology (and how does this apply to Ateez?)

Luckily, I have spent the better part of six years of my life learning Korean! Which fortunately(?) means that I have learned plenty about the lingo Korean BL fans use re: shipping dynamics. Actually, this makes it SO MUCH easier to navigate websites like Twitter, where NSFW posting is censored for security reasonable. The difference is that English speakers do not have an organized method of referring to the members in their ships (for example, one user might write seongjoong as secngjccng where one might instead write sxxngjxxng, and where another one might even write sngjng, etc etc). But how do Korean speakers handle this situation? What is the context behind all of this? I will provide with you with a fun and easy chart at the end, but first….Let me explain:

Taking you back to the early 2000s

Our setting: the early Korean BL online forums. The terminology originating from these spaces were unsurprisingly heavily influenced by the original sources from which BL manga was derived: the Japanese language. Japanese has a system of Chinese characters used to simplify the writing process known as Kanji. Korean has a similar concept, known as Hanja. Where as Kanji is still heavily utilized to this day for a variety of reasons (my Japanese teacher would always say its main purpose is to minimize the amount of script needed to convey an idea), Hanja has largely fallen out of fashion—used primarily to clarify homophones in text, in literature such as novels and older writings, and as a stylistic choice to depict words such as Death and God, etc.

First, I’m going to give you some terms that are familiar to quite possibly all of you.

Seme (攻め) - the dominant figure in the relationship. Most often, this person will also be depicted as the top.

Uke (受け) - the submissive figure in the relationship. Most often, this person will also be depicted as the bottom.

Are you following so far? Great! In the most stereotypical depiction of homosexual relationships in Manhwa, these roles—the dom top and the sub bottom—reigned supreme so much so that eventually the community fell into the pitfall of believing these four terms to be interchangeable. While simplifying the process of understanding each person’s role in sexual intimacy, it also didn’t lend much of an allowance to explore ideas that defined this view of sexuality. This lack of nuance and flexibility has very little to do with why I’m writing today, but I do want to give some more context as to why these terms became such reliable shorthand.

Anyway…

In Korean BL spaces, these Kanji symbols (攻/受) were directly translated into 공 and 수, respectively. 공 literally means “Ball” but in the context of the Hanja, it means “attack” or “strong”, basically dominant top. 수—“Number”—“to submit” or “to receive”—submissive bottom. Don’t worry, this is the absolute last time I will be explaining these ideas.

How does this work in Korean BL spaces?

Now this may also be familiar to many of you: the placement of each figure in the ship name MATTERS! In SFW spaces, you can get away with referring to Yunho and Mingi as Yungi because….well….platonic friendships aren’t normally referred to by dominance dynamics. In NSFW spaces, specifically dealing with fictional depictions of gay sex, referring to Yunho and Mingi as YunGi will have most people assuming that you mean fanfictions in which Yunho is the top and Mingi is the bottom. Oh, you didn’t? Well, obviously you meant to say MinYun (or MingYun or MingHo, I’ve seen this written all kinds of ways tbh). See what I mean? Now this isn’t always the case—familiarity is everything, so it’s not uncommon to see Wooyoung and San referenced as WooSan, no matter who is intended to be the top.

In Korean, ship names are almost always written in order of placement. For example, 윤낫 (we will get into why the Hangul in San’s name is reversed later) would refer to a Yunho x San pairing where Yunho is the top and San is the bottom. Likewise, 낫윤 would imply the exact opposite. Anyone want to take a stab at what 밍웡 means? How about 섷쫑?

2010-2024, A minor shift in focus

As the spaces for these conversations grow and change with time, as did the terminology used to describe shipping dynamics and pairings.

If you are a fourth and fifth gen K-pop stan, you know what a coupling, or chemi, name is. Korean fans who did either did not want to discuss their idols in a romantic/sexual manner, or otherwise wanted some way to differentiate a typical shipping name from a platonic pairing name, developed the concept of using a chemi name instead. For Ateez, these would be:

E-Kang-Mo (에강모) / Yunho and Yeosang - the shortened version of 에이티즈 강아지 모임, literally translating into the Gathering of Ateez Puppies.

Matz (맏즈) / Seonghwa and Hongjoong - TWO MEN WE’RE ON FIRE 위험해‼️‼️‼️ Shortened version of 맏형 which literally translates into Oldest brothers. This quite obviously refers to our two oldest members within the group.

Elsewhere, you may come across 삼복즈, Jiwoong and Yujin from ZEROBASEONE. Or 채채즈, Chaewon and Eunchae from LE SSERAFIM. Usually this name is derived from some personality aspect or moment the two idols share, and can be given organically by fans or by the idols themselves. They are used strictly by both Korean and international fans as a means of referring to these idols and their friendships. It’s still possible that you find a fan who skips the whole “having to learn a completely different unit name” thing and just uses the traditional pairing name (I know, because I’m one of them), and in this case you can likely tell exactly when they first got into K-pop.

During this decade, shippers developed two more terms to further break down sexual dynamics, this time focusing on top/bottom. 왼 is the Korean directional word for “left”, and in the context of BL, means top. For bottom, Koreans use a shortened version of the directional word for “right”—른. I am not entirely sure whether the general consensus seems to be that these terms are still strictly tied to the idea of a dominant top and a submissive bottom, as most of the resources I used to search for these terms waffled on the subject.

In practice, 웡왼 will refer to shippings in which Wooyoung is a top (I searched for this on Twitter and came up unsurprisingly short….) and 쫑른 is in reference to shippings where Jongho is a bottom!

Enough Already!! Just give us the tags!!

Loud and clear, boss. However, I just need a bit more contextual information out there before I finally get into the list:

Variations - there are few variations that exist within the Korean shipping fandom, save for instances in which another pairing could possibly exist within a different group.

Censorship - Korean fans are also heavy on making sure these posts do not make it into the hands of Ateez themselves (see: the chaos that happened when San stumbled across self-insert fiction written by K-Atiny). Member names are not written properly, and will always be altered in some way as a means of masking it from normal search results. Please pay attention to this!

Pronunciation - some letters are altered in the pairing names as a means to aid with pronunciation. This is sort of an intuitive thing with Korean, so I’m not sure how to explain this in a better way.

And now…the list!

Here’s how to follow the chart:

Reading from the top down, you will find the 른—or pairings where the member is the bottom. For example, Seonghwa’s column reads:

홍섷 - Hongjoong x Seonghwa

윤섷 - Yunho x Seonghwa

솽섷 - Yeosang x Seonghwa

낫섷 - San x Seonghwa

밍섷 - Mingi x Seonghwa

웡섷 - Wooyoung x Seonghwa

쫑섷 - Jongho x Seonghwa

Likewise, reading the chart horizontally will provide you with the 왼—or pairings where the member is the top. For example, Mingi’s row reads:

밍섷 - Mingi x Seonghwa

솜몽 - Mingi x Hongjoong

밍윦 - Mingi x Yunho

솜여 - Mingi x Yeosang

밍낫 - Mingi x San

밍웡 - Mingi x Wooyoung

솜쫑 - Mingi x Jongho

Additionally, adding (Member name)른/왼 will provide you more general posts where Korean fans are discussing the idol as a top or a bottom in general without referring to a specific ship.

Hongjoong: 홍왼 + 홍른

Seonghwa: 섷왼 + 섷른

Yunho: 윦왼/윤왼 + 윦른/윤른

Yeosang: 솽왼 + 솽른

San: 낫왼 + 낫른

Mingi: 밍왼 + 밍른

Wooyoung: 웡왼 + 웡른

Jongho: 쫑왼 + 쫑른

Thank you for reading! I hope this was as useful for you as it was for me! Of course, I knew a lot of history regarding this topic due to the ample time I spent reading BL, but I will admit that I did not have much time to research this topic specifically. However, if you have any corrections to make, let me know!! This was so much fun for write, and maybe I can do something similar to this in the future as well.

Bye!

#ateez #halia speaks #ateez rps #hongjoong #seonghwa #yunho #yeosang #san #mingi #wooyoung #jongho #ateez fluff #ateez smut #ateez angst #woosan #seongjoong #jongsang #yunwoo #yunsang #yunsan

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damagedcoda6669 · 4 months

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Hey Lucifer, i'm sorry I am telling you this since ik you and Al are close, but that's exactly why i'm telling you this...

As you know, Al used to be in birdie drama spaces, and he still is, but just under an alt.

Remember the borderline 12 drama? Al made that happen to see how the public would react since he is planning bigger things. He wants to see how fast your "fans" will turn on you, and he wanted to see how many would defend you. He knew doing the borderline 12 thing would get you in trouble, he even was surprised with how well it went considering YOU posted it when he actually wanted to post it on his account and mention you drew it.

I know this since i'm also in birder drama servers, but I just think Al is taking it too far...

He is truly playing the long game and trying to solidify your trust within him so that those leaks that are happening cannot be traced back to him. Al has truly formed an attachment to you, but not in a good way.

That borderline 12 drama was also to test your loyalty to him and it worked since you believed that he meant no harm when all he truly did mean was to harm you. You may think Al is genuine and would never, but just try to analyze a few of his messages pertaining to birder drama.... that's all i'm going to allude to because I don't want him to know who i am. I don't want him to doxx me.

I will say, Al does share a lot of interests with you and he does find you fun to be around, but that's because he sees you as a toy instead of a person.

Just- please be careful with Al, he is betraying you behind closed doors and PLEASE don't listen to him when he says all the anon's are lying, they are just scared of him finding out because right now he is really favored in birdie drama spaces since he infiltrated you so well.

Ik you might not believe me since i said I was in birdie drama spaces and i will admit, i do talk bad about you.... However, I never leaked anything nor have I been involved in what Al has been doing. I am mainly a lurker and to gain trust in the birder servers I just regurgitate the hate everyone else has for you. I feel really guilty, which is why i'm writing you this.

Other's have spoken out in anon asks on your moraltonz account, and Al was really upset with them and tried doxxing them to get them out of the birdie servers he's in so his plans don't get foiled by them, since he knows you get paranoid easily. Al is really worried about you finding out about him, so I'm hoping you get to this ask.

You may believe it's people trying to ruin you Lucifer, but other asks that pretty much imply it's birdie haters was just a tactic used to try to get the people truly coming forward to be discreditable.

Also, read my username and think back to all the birdie drama and all the people involved. I won't say too much, but I hope you can get what I am alluding to. If not, it's ok.

TLDR;

PLEASE BE CAREFUL WITH AL, LUCIFER. Please.

It's disheartening what Al is doing to you, with all the leaks, with the ploys, with how he talks about you, and just with everything he is doing.

Al has not stopped interacting in birdie drama spaces, he lied to you.

I truly think Synni is your only friend, because even though she used to be in birdie spaces, I don't think she has an alt.

I'm sorry i'm telling you all of this considering how close you and Al are, I really am sorry he is doing this to you. /gen

the lengths u guys go 2 2 try 2 induce my paranoia/delusions n turn me against ppl u dont know is crazy. if this is true, if u actually cared abt me, use ur main. say it 2 my face. give me evidence. ALSO ADMITTING U SHITTALK ME AND ACTIVELY PARTICIPATE IN BIRDIE DRAMA SERVERS IS CRAAAZY. I AM NOT GOING 2 LISTEN 2 A WORD U SAY, U R JUST ADMITTING 2 BEING A BAD PERSON. if u feel sooooo guilty, why r u still there? if al was rlly leaking shit in these spaces, scs and evidence wouldve gotten back 2 me by now. itd have spread online and id be able 2 see artwork n images that i havent sent 2 anyone besides them. also??? stop misgendering them??? weird ass

anyway yeah, good lie, u fabricated an interesting story, but gimme some proof. gimme gimme i want those discord scs that dont exist *rubs my hands 2gether nefariously*

heh u dont know this but.. jotaro is leaking everything

#jack.txt #birdie #damagedcoda6669

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scummy-writes · 1 month

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Things I've learned about being in fandoms on tumblr

Sometimes when I am navigating fandom, I will have bouts of... depression? negative feelings? regarding it. I think a lot of people go through this, but in the areas of fandom I buzz around in, I don't see many people talking about ways to sort of re-center yourself and take care of yourself in an online space. I thought I would attempt to share some of my habits I try to follow when I hit one of these moods. So here are 14 of them covering various subjects I run into the most. They will not work for everyone, but I do encourage you to think a bit about each point and see if it would work for you.

Feel free to add some of your own, but I am looking for positive advice that is not meant to put down others in a harmful way. I would also like to preface that I've been in fandoms for over seven years, most of them smaller rather than huge, but a lot of this advice is centered around someone just trying to enjoy the space/enjoying it as a fan creator (writing fanfics in my case). The 'you' used in this is a general usage of the word 'you'.

-> It's good to celebrate milestones, whether its how many followers you have, works you've made in a year, or similar.

However... Don't let this become a competition or reasons to compare yourself to others. We're here to have fun and to celebrate us doing so- don't put completely unneeded and unnessacary competition on it. What's the point of that competition other than to make yourself feel bad or to belittle others? This extends further to notes - no number games. none. You can be proud of the numbers you have gotten, but curb all impulses to swing that in a negative way. The second that starts happening, talk to friends. talk to someone IRL. do something that isn't staring at your notifs, immediately. Even if its listening to silly things while washing the dishes- get out of your notifs tab!!! The numbers game isn't a game you have to be a part of, ever.

-> Don't put other bloggers on pedestals.

It's fine to be a fan of someone's work, and to be excited when they post or even talk to you and you're surprised by it. However, we're all just nerds together in a fandom- maybe don't put them up on a pedestal and hold their opinions/words as gospel rather than things you agree with. There's an unhealthy disconnect there for both parties, and can lead to unhealthy habits of a bad comparison game with one party not even knowing you're comparing yourself or others to them. And I promise that no one likes being pitted against others in those.

-> separating my main blog from my fandom blog has done wonders for me.

This one is a lot more of a 'me' thing that MIGHT be helpful towards others, but it's such a nice thing to have a 'normal' space where I don't have to worry too much about fandomisms but want to be online. I want to reblog other things that are not just fandom related and I don't want people from the fandom blog bothering me for. For the longest time I wasn't very upfront with my main blog purely because I wanted that separation, but for others to block me properly I put it up more bluntly.

I also think that this is good when you want to write about some things, but are nervous. In my example, I get nervous writing about my ocs. So what did I do? Made a sideblog for one, briefly mentioned it, and I post untagged drabbles at times when trying to explore her character. It's more practice on not caring about the note amount each post gets for me, and it makes me more at ease with things not getting any notes while exploring different subjects I don't usually write about.

-> Does everyone seem horrible, or are you just not in a good mood?

This is silly and maybe redundant for some, but it's good to keep a track of IRL verses Online. If IRL is weighing you down so much that you use online as an unhealthy habit (self destructive behaviors towards things you worked hard on, lashing out at friends for things out of their control, lashing out on other bloggers for inane things, focusing your bad mood on notes or fake popularity contests...) then try and figure out the big important things: Have you eaten, slept, drank enough water through the day, or are in pain/annoyance with something offline that you're not realizing? Is it one person online making you feel like this? Have you blocked them? Have you taken healthy breaks offline to reground yourself? When i am randomly bitter about the online world, this is typically my frustrations with smth IRL leaking out, and so I do something to help process that or to breathe through it. My personal go to is getting out of the house so I can listen to music, watch silly videos while putting together a simple craft I bought, or doing chores/playing games.

-> Is the fandom full of cliques, or are you witnessing friends just talking to each other?

I get it, it fucking sucks not being involved in a friend group. You know what makes that worse? By looking at other's friend groups bitterly and making up shit in your mind to justify it. The reality is this: people will be friends with a limited number of people, and frequently talk to them because that is who they are comfortable with.

You not being in that friend group does not mean there is anything wrong with you OR them. The honest truth is that it's hard to keep up with a ton of friends at once, and so people may not respond to your messages, or they might mean to but it gets lost in their hectic IRL, or they just don't mesh with you- and all of that is normal!

And... Really... It takes work to build up a friend group. You have to get out of your comfort zone and send the first few messages. You have to embrace the fact that it's possible a friendship won't pan out. It's natural, it's normal, and doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or the other person. After trying and naturally just talking to people in the fandom, I promise that you will find a friend group of your own.

We are all socially awkward people trying to nervously talk to each other. Yes, even the people you follow that seem like 'everyone' likes them- they are nervous too. we're all just nerds here, remember that.

-> Understand that no one is obligated to do anything.

This ranges from so many things. Here is a list as short as I can manage it to get my point across: No one is obligated to comment, read, like, or reblog any posts. Any posts. No one is obligated to scour for new creatives in the fandom spaces and reblog their work. No one is obligated to tag their posts/creative adventures to your liking. No one is obligated to follow by your DNIs and BYFs. Obligation does not exist. Even your friends are not obligated to do any of this.

It is courtesy to do these things. Blogs will do their best to be supportive by nature, and to try and at least do some of this at any given time, but it's not a requirement. It's NICE to do so and encouraged, but the second you drill it into your head that no one, not even you, are obligated to do this, it's a bit easier to breathe and accept that no, it's a bit insane and difficult to read through 50 fanfics a week and comment a paragraph on all of them while also working on your own things and trying to manage 15 conversations while working 40 hrs a week and and and---

Instead, focus that energy on friends and yourself when you can and accept your own limitations.

-> have other fandoms you enjoy where you DON'T feel pressured to do ANYTHING.

Due to my hard fixation at usually one to two games at a time, I am usually only writing for those at a time- but I need other things to enjoy where I don't feel like I need to make something to post online. I don't feel that pressure from myself, i don't feel the need to try and engage with others. Just a quiet enjoyment for me.

-> If creating is really stressing you out and making you feel worse than better, reflect on the reasons this may be.

Are you hanging out with people who are regurgitating really bad beliefs regarding creation ("shame, you only got twenty notes, that's nothing", "wow fifty notes? that flopped.", "how did this person's shitty work get 30 more notes than me?"). Are you getting anons putting you down? Is your depression convincing you what you've made is worthless? Look at some of the points in this post regarding friends, blocking, and if you're neglecting your body's needs. If that still persists, there may be some self-reflection as to why things get to you so badly. Try to journal out the reasons why until you believe you hit one that is not your depression speaking.

An example: I would freak out about notes because I had friends that would talk around or to me in the examples listed in the previous paragraph. Cutting them off, focusing on friends who focused on the joys of creating, and focusing more on what *I* wanted to write rather than requests... I still get depressed at times but it's been so much more managable now with better support and feeling free creatively. Usually calling myself out at staring at notes helps me shake my head and move on now.

-> Blocking/Filtering is your friend, but maybe don't over do it.

Blocking seems vaguely controversial at times, but I do believe it's needed for a positive fandom experience. Outside of the obvious, the reasons I block people are typically related to how upset I am by something the person has done or said, even if it's related to fancreations. If it's something like them berating others for not believing their headcanon/fanon? Or grossly demonizing some character's mental illness? Or harassing people who dislike some characters and vice/versa? That's all a block for me.

I personally try not to overdo it and make educated decisions based on like, hey, is this just someone misunderstanding and not realizing how they're coming off? Is this someone who I am misreading their tone? Is this just a weird one-off behavior? Ok, then maybe no block button. But if seeing poor takes makes you angry for longer than, say, 20 mins? an hour? It's a week later and you're still all huffy about it and legit pissed? Maybe dig into that while also blocking the person for now.

The Filters aspect of this is similar, but it's a lighter version of blocking for me. Maybe I don't want to block this person but seeing them talk about bugs really stresses me out, so I look at how they tag those posts and filter it out for myself. Maybe I love their fandom blog but they're multi-fandom, so i will filter out a fandom I don't want to see them post about. That's it.

-> Don't be afraid to cut anon off, even if it's for a few weeks at a time.

I feel like those of us who take requests for fan creations are terrified of this a lot, but truly, taking breaks from the anon function should be encouraged. It is indeed a button for shy people, but there are assholes everywhere regardless. When they occupy your time too much or just annoy you, take away their ability to actually say anything to you.

For a creative, sometimes this can feel like the end of the world. But... you Can turn it back on later. I frequently shut it off during major life events, fanfics I am worried I might get weird anons about, when I'm in a randomly bad mood and don't think I can handle it. I Sometimes have it off for months at a time. You can cut it back on. But if anons make you anxious just imagining getting one right now? Flip that off for now. (also please utilize the block function for mean anons!!!)

-> turn those tumblr notifs OFF!!! (mobile) Additional: Turn your status OFF!!!

The only notifications I get on my phone from tumblr is when someone IM's me, and I've had it like this for years. I cannot imagine having my phone constantly going off with random tumblr notifications, I think I would have a bad spike in anxiety having that happen. It would make any negative feelings with notes/followers/number worse for me.

The online status is debatable, some people really don't have an issue with this, but I tend to feel pressured to respond to people asap if they see that my status is online and similar. Those people have not said anything to me regarding it, it's just my personal issue. So..I turn that status off. And it helps me feel better about answering in my own time.

-> Look at who you are communicating with.

Do your friends regularly dunk or mock people on the daily, over shit that is inane and petty? Are you a creative a bit nervous with your work because your friends are pretty rude with how they view other's works? Are you scared to like a character because your friend severely hates them/is attached to them to an unhealthy degree?

There are other subsets to this, but those are ones I find really troubling and try my best to avoid. I dont want to be friends with people who regularly mock others on the legit daily. I don't want to be friends with people who nitpick notes and use notes as a measure on how much worth someone has. I don't want to be friends with people who mock other's creative endeavors.

So... I don't! If I notice things are becoming a salt pit, I try to talk things out at first, but if its clear that's not gonna work, then it's outties for me. It's very true that everyone will salt over something eventually, but it's up to you to decide how severe it is with your friend circle, how it wears you down, and are they really people you want to hang around with if they just make you anxious or stressed all the time?

-> That vaguepost isn't about you.

Friend venting about someone who sounds oddly like you? Does your favorite blog mention something they dislike and you think you fit into that catagory- guess what. It's not about you!!

It's something I struggled with for a while, but eventually I came to terms with it by going "If they truly have an issue with me, they can talk to me one on one. Otherwise, i am assuming that this isn't about me" and gritting my teeth and forcing myself to repeat that until I feel at ease. Truthfully, I also just stopped hanging out with people who do this a ton in a harmful way, so my anxiety about this decreased. If it's an issue, friends should be willing to bring it up to you personally rather than make really meanspirited vagueposts.

-> A personal one I am putting at the end since I believe can easily turn bad, is... Stop looking in the fandom tags if they continiously bum you out.

I will be transparent, I've had bouts of running into a ton of 'why you should love/hate this character' posts over and over, posts that are random but use 50 different character tags, posts about how annoying my fave is, posts from/about bloggers I dislike, etc etc. After a while, I decided to just curate my feed via whoever I was following, and stop looking into tags as often. At most, I do it once every 1-3 months.

Yes, this does limit what all you can see, however... There's only so much information I can take in at once. If I follow people who reblog a ton of fandom content I love and it's different across the board, that's good enough for me and I don't feel negative looking at the tags sometimes.

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penaltyboxboxbox · 5 months

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adding to my fandom annoyingness thoughts- i think f1/sports fandoms generally are less annoying because there is a part of them that is socially acceptable and able to be performed in public as well as with people who may not full "get it". a super online f1 fan who ships yaoi and whathaveyou can often times, still go to a real life gp and have a fairly normal conversation with like, a regular degular f1 fan who checks instagram- because if they say, both like ferrari, they are watching the same races/supplementary content, theyre at this real life event with hundreds upon thousands of others, with that one shared thing in common, youre all rooting for that team to win. even if you disagree about the minutia, you all want your team to win.

in more niche fandom spaces, like kids cartoons or specific anime or years old tv series, theres not mass real life gatherings. theres cons, but unless your fandom is huge you might not have a meet up, and again, even if you like the same things, youre not necessarily all there with the same hope/mindset... and i think with there just being a lot less socially acceptable ways to display and interact with those types of fandom in the general public, it leads to the online spaces becoming very fraught because it is the only space people have to defend. Without specifically outlined pockets of who is "safe" or "right" you start to get those who overreach into trying to expel ppl from fandom they dont think should be there, you get more arguing about how to be a fan the right way or splintering something that was never meant to be consumed in a divided way........but its done in an effort to fit in/feel like you have a space to be a nerd properly...idk im rambling now i just things its so fascinating having been in so many fandoms in my life

#idk what to tag im sorry ill stop now

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jazminrhode1 · 1 year

Note

Hiya my love I love so much your writing and was wondering if you could do something abotu the versus tour maybe Matt or Chris have their gf on tour and bring her on stage and their team mates are big fans of her or something?

Free Throws Chris Sturniolo x Reader One Shot

Summary: Chris brings you out on stage at the Versus tour.

Word Count: 1350 words

The crew was setting up the basketball hoop as Nick, Matt and Chris introduced their teammates to the crowd. As you stood backstage with Laura, she slyly snapped a picture to show Chris later. You looked so proud of him and she loved the two of you together.

When the hoop was set, Chris took the mic, “I think I might need help with this next one. I have an amazing teammate, I’ve won every single show so far but, I’m gonna bring out someone to shoot these free throws. Is that ok?” The crowd erupted. Some people guessed Chris was bringing you onstage, most people waited in anticipation.

Chris ran off the stage and planted a kiss on your lips before taking your hand and walking back out. The crowd went wild which eased your nerves. You got some hate comments online and even though you told Chris it didn’t bother you, and it usually didn't, sometimes it did.

Chris’ teammate was a huge fan and when she told him how much she loved you, he got the idea to bring you out. He wanted to surprise her but, more than that, he hated being away from you all day.

You welcomed his teammate with open arms and said, “You’re doing a great job, honey”. She was in shock as her hands began to shake. “Are you ok?” you asked as she nodded feverishly.

As Nick explained the rules, you wrapped an arm around her shoulder and Chris stood beside you with his hand on the small of your back. He didn’t usually do this. He wasn’t big on PDA but, the crowd was chill and he seemed less guarded.

Matt was first to go and you could see the concentration on his face. He hadn’t won a show yet and though he laughed it off, you knew it was starting to bother him. He missed the first shot, he missed the second, and before he went for the third you yelled, “You got this, Matt.”

Chris looked at you, shocked. “Absolutely not. You’re team orange,” he joked - that made the crowd laugh. With that, Matt attempted his final shot and scored.

He ran over and gave you a hug. “No fraternising with my team, Matt,” Chris said as he pushed Matt away. Matt just laughed and went back over to his teammate and gave her a high five.

“You’re up, y/n” Nick said with a smile as he handed you the ball. “Just remember that Chris has won twice and Matt and I haven’t won at all so, the ball is literally in your court.”

“You got it, babe,” Chris said as you stepped up to the mark. Your heart began to race, you hadn’t played basketball since high school and the crowd added extra pressure.

As you attempted your first shot, it went in. The crowd went wild and you could hear Chris and his teammate cheering you on in the background.

Your second shot circled the hoop twice but, it went in too and the crowd cheered again. You saw Matt’s eyes roll and Nick did not look impressed - he flashed you one of his fake smiles and you couldn't help but laugh.

As you looked back at Chris, he had his arm around the shoulder of his teammate and they both had their fingers crossed. You couldn’t help but smile. He acted tough but, he wasn’t. You had seen on this tour just how much he cared for everyone who supported him and his brothers. He always said he wanted to make these experiences amazing for the fans and that he wanted nothing else out of it. You knew how much he meant that.

As you bounced the ball praying that you’d go three for three, you turned back to Chris and gave the ball to his teammate. She deserved the glory and you were hoping that you were doing the right thing. You set her up at the mark and gave her the advice to aim for the corner of the rectangle. Then all you could do was stand back and give her space.

You squeezed your eyes shut as Chris wrapped his arms around you and she went to make the shot. The crowd began cheering and when you opened your eyes, Nick was pissed. You knew she scored.

You and Chris ran over and pulled her into a hug. “That was incredible!” Chris said. “You are amazing,” you replied.

“Oh my god,” Nick started as he spoke to the crowd. “I have to win Jenga, guys. I just have to.”

The crowd started laughing as he went on to explain the rules of how they were going to play. Matt walked over with his teammate and whispered in your ear, “She’s a big fan.”

His teammate stepped out from behind Matt as you opened your arms for a hug. As Nick was still talking, Chris offered to take a photo of you both. “I love you so much,” she said. “Honey, thank you, I love you too,” you smiled.

Nick was first to pull a Jenga block followed by Matt and Chris. The game went on for so long that you started to worry you’d be here all night. Chris has pulled up a stool for you - you decided to sit this game out and he refused to let you go backstage.

As they got to the last few possible blocks, you saw the tower begin to sway. As Chris asked the crowd, “Which block do we go for?” he was pointing at different ones and having them cheer to pick. When he went to point at the last option he snagged the tower with his elbow and sent it tumbling down.

Matt jumped into action shielding most of the blocks with his body and putting his hands up to prevent them from hitting Chris’ teammate in the face. Chris stuffed his mic in his back pocket and rushed over, leaning down to look her in the eyes. “I’m so sorry, are you ok? Are you sure?”

“Are you good?” Nick asked. He was cautious but, didn’t want to make a scene. He knew it would be on him to keep the show going.

“I’m fine,” she said with a smile, “nothing hit me.” Chris let out a sigh of relief as he pulled her in a side hug, leaving an arm around her shoulders as he said to the crowd, “She’s fine. Thank God.”

“Are you good, Matt?” Nick asked from across the stage. “I’m fine. I’m good,” he replied.

As they wrapped up the show, you snuck off stage to join Laura and watch from the sidelines. You didn’t go with them on their first tour. You and Chris hadn’t been dating for that long and you had way more negative comments back then. You didn’t know what possessed you to come along this time, you left it until the last minute but, you were glad you decided to come.

As they all came off stage after Nick had been crowned as the winner, you saw the frustration on Chris’ face. He broke his own 2-show streak and he was not happy about it.

“I had to give up the crown, baby,” he said as he pulled you into a hug. “It’s probably for the best. It was getting to your head,” you joked. His jaw dropped.

Nick burst out laughing, teasing Chris about his loss. “Matt’s never won,” Chris replied. Matt raised his hands in defence, “What did I do?”

Nick and Chris lost their shit as you patted Matt on the back. You knew how much it took out of them to travel and do these shows but, it made you happy to see how much they truly enjoyed being on tour. Even though you had to go back to California in a couple of days, you were glad you got to experience this with them.

As you left the venue that night, Chris whispered in your ear, "I'm so glad you decided to come." You saw the sincerity in his eyes as you replied, "I'd go anywhere with you."

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imaginesangie · 5 months

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It’s so weird to me to see modern ZADR fans who are no older than like 15 whining about shipping. Like, hate to burst your bubble, but the vast majority of people don’t care about “proship” or whatever the fuck. It’s not a real issue (your personal disgust and trauma doesn’t mean that content isn’t allowed to exist) and I’m tired of people hyper focusing on it like it is.

Your feelings towards taboo or “disgusting” art are completely valid, but you have no right to treat people poorly or dish out abusive behavior over it. You certainly have no right to tell those people you wished they died, either.

It’s not the “proshippers” who ruin a fandom, it’s the fandom newbies who are obsessed with purity culture and fake progressive ideas that spread hate and abuse without hesitation.

Stop trying to tell yourself that it’s okay to be bigots and abusive towards the “right people” for the “right reasons”. You make fandom spaces, places that are meant to be fun and chill, highly stressful. Nobody should have to constantly walk on eggshells because you can’t control your temper.

No, I don’t deserve to die. No, I don’t deserve to be harassed. No, I don’t deserve threats. No, I don’t deserve abuse.

Break out of these abusive behaviors, stop bullying and harassing (abusing) people over things that don’t matter or exist. Sincerely, I hope the teens that think this way grow out of that shit. You’re better than this.

I’m not a “proshipper” as I don’t subscribe to such terminally online bullshit, but since you terminally online netizens will call me that anyway, let me break down “proship”.

The word “pro” means you are for something, like being Pro-abortion means you’re for abortion rights. Proshipping just means you believe ships have a right to exist regardless of your own feelings.

Ship and let ship. That was the norm not even a decade ago. Let’s bring back that norm instead of making abuse the new norm.

#discourse #drama #zadr #tagging with discourse #so ppl can block #i’m just so tired #of what fandoms #have become #in the past decade #i will never forgive #the voltron fandom

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fushiglow · 1 year

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Who the hell is Gojō Satoru?

Some thoughts on his character in 236

Seeing everyone arguing about Gojō’s characterisation in 236 over the last week makes me realise just how good the chapter is, no matter how dissatisfied I am with Gojō's death.

When you're upset about something, it's hard to judge accurately whether something is 'bad' or whether you simply don't like it — and they are different things. Interestingly, 236 presented me with a conflict I've never experienced when following a story before. I'm really disappointed with the way Gege Akutami chose to end Gojō's story, but I think 236 will go down as one of the most beautiful chapters of Jujutsu Kaisen. In that sense, my feelings about the chapter after a week of sitting with it aren't too unrecognisable from my initial feelings — just with all of the big emotions that were colouring my judgment stripped away.

I think there *is* value in immediate reactions, and I think much of the initial outrage about the chapter was simply people grieving what was an intentionally shocking end to a beloved character. I hate that people tried to police social media reactions to the chapter, because I think everyone should be allowed to process their feelings in their own online space (as long as they don't bring harm to others, of course).

Aside from the outpouring of emotion, there have been countless arguments about 'who' Gojō was as a person in the end, and that doesn't sit right with me either. I think many artists would be disappointed to hear fans of their work insist that there is one 'proper' interpretation — because the value of sharing your art with the world is in how different people receive it based on their own experiences.

To me, that's Gojō Satoru as a character.

I know lots of people have already shared some variation of the post below (and everyone has moved on to 237 now anyway) but this was sitting in my drafts so I thought I may as well hit post before 237 is officially released!

In my analysis of Gojō's character after 235, I talked about how Gege Akutami keeps Gojō at a distance from both the readers and the characters around him, making it deliberately difficult to know who he is as a person. Despite that, everyone in-universe and out has something to say about Gojō's character, but we've never really known how Gojō views himself until this chapter.

For maybe the first time in Jujutsu Kaisen, we get to deep dive into Gojō's interior world and hear his innermost thoughts when he's at his lowest and most vulnerable. As a result, something fascinating happened across the fandom.

Even when Gojō literally tells Getō that the 'wretchedness of isolation' is something he shares with Sukuna, that he gave everything he had so that Sukuna might understand him and be understood in turn, and that he knows not everyone will get it, some people called Gojō 'out of character' in 236.

And isn't that just so damn meta?!

Akutami loves challenging readers' assumptions through his characters, so while the chapter is shocking, it isn't really surprising. I'd even go as far as suggesting that the journey of emotions the reader experiences while reading 236 is the exact same journey Gojō is going on in-story.

The thing is, I've seen tons of people arguing about whether Gojō was selfless or selfish, whether he fought for the love of his students or for the love of the fight, whether he took strong young sorcerers under his wing from a place of care or simply as a means to an ends — but I think the point is that it's always been all of those things at once.

Because he's human, and humans contain multitudes.

I think we were meant to have our view of Gojō shaken by 236 — the same way Gojō's view of himself is challenged in this chapter. However, just because we can find some truth in Nanami's criticism of Gojō, doesn't mean that his interpretation of Gojō's character is the correct one — especially when it's entirely possible that what happens in the airport isn't even real.

Getō listens with empathy as Gojō confesses his self-doubt and regrets, the solitude of his strength, and the dehumanisation he experienced as the 'Strongest'. He even expresses jealousy when Gojō admits he had fun fighting someone strong enough to understand him. Then, only two pages after Gojō says, 'You can cherish a flower and help it bloom, but you don't ask it to understand you', Nanami appears and calls him a pervert for his approach to sorcery.

It's actually really funny.

Importantly, Nanami isn't exactly wrong for saying the enjoyment Gojō gets from fighting is a little disturbing (and, to be clear, I *adore* this about him) — it's just not the whole picture of Gojō Satoru.

Akutami actually gives us some lovely imagery to visually represent the gulf between those who understand the solitude of strength and those who don't — Gojō and Getō sit on one side of the bench while Nanami and Haibara sit on the other, with each duo facing in opposite directions.

I don't think Akutami is implying that either side is wrong or right — it's just two different perspectives. Nevertheless, Gojō is pictured side by side with someone who understands him, and back to back with someone who doesn't understand him but who cares for him all the same.

Recognising this, he pivots to asking Nanami about something they can both relate to and receives an important lesson in return. What Nanami means and what Gojō takes from it is deliberately ambiguous, like everything that's discussed inside the airport:

Could Sukuna have won without the Ten Shadows?

Who does the 'flower' represent: Gojō, the people around him, or both?

Did Gojō reach Sukuna like he hoped?

Why exactly is Getō jealous?

Does Gojō feel satisfied?

Is Nanami's assessment of Gojō's character correct?

What is the relevance of north and south?

Which direction did Gojō choose?

Is it all in Gojō's imagination or is it real?

Whether we'll receive answers to those questions remains to be seen, but I highly suspect that most of them don't even have a definitive answer.

Once again, it's just a matter of perspective, and I think that's Gojō's character in a nutshell. Whichever side of the bench you're sitting on, whatever you see in Gojō says more about you than it does about him — and that's exactly why it's so fascinating to see the fandom erupt into arguments about who's interpreting the character correctly.

I can honestly say I think the chapter is really beautiful even though I hate what happened to Gojō, and that's an entirely new experience for me. For that alone, Akutami has my praise. Whatever happens in the rest of the story will determine whether 236 becomes my favourite chapter in the whole of Jujutsu Kaisen — isn't that bizarre?

By the way, I found a really thoughtful post about some of the word choices in 236. The poster shared some really interesting insights across a series of posts and they convey the tone of the chapter really well. Well worth checking out!

#i forgot to post this until now ooooops #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk 236 #呪術廻戦 #gojo satoru #jjk spoilers #jjk manga spoilers #jujutsu kaisen spoilers #jjk meta #jjk analysis #jujutsu kaisen meta #jujutsu kaisen analysis #glo's writing #glo's analysis #fushiglow

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nhothicket · 8 months

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Ever create a band au even though you cant draw instruments?

more info below the cut :>

Meet Bdubs, 38, stage name BdoubleO - Boomer is often mistaken for his first name, but is just another nickname for the pile. Infamous online, if it weren't for the fact that he makes disgustingly good music he would probably have more hate followers than genuine fans. The line between charming asshole and just asshole is one he fails to tread lightly most days, but he's mostly harmless. Let's just say the Bdoubleo could also stand for boorish. A bit of a sellout, but he enjoys what he does and many appreciate his extremely.. candid attitude. Best likened to a cartoon villain dressed as a rockstar, with the ego to match. (It's usually his unrelenting pretentiousness that gets him into Twitter spats.)

Thank you @foxden-frontier for always helping out with my stupid aus ^v^

Annoying at worst, unfortunately very charismatic at best. You could say he's a softie at heart, but that implies its at all difficult to spot. Once he's done "clapping back at all the haters", in person he's still got a temper (he thinks he has a bad boy reputation to uphold) but is enthusiastically friendly.

Etho, 32, resident keytarist of creatively named band Canadian Bacon. Joined by his two best friends, Pause the frontman and bassist, and Beef their drummer. A deceptively popular band if judging by their permanent rough draft name and their nerdy-college-student dress code. Etho himself is just a guy who likes playing music with his buddies, their hobby having blown up under their noses. Now, as an unfortunately successful touring artist, Etho's anonymity is scarce, but he continues to wear his mask to discourage widespread photos of his face. In spirit. He's concerned about having his face plastered all over fan accounts, which still occurs, but a perk of having a completely rabid fanbase is that many will defend your boundaries to their last dying breath. Like his face, his legal name is out and about online, but its similarly discouraged. Best likened to just a guy.

If asked on the subject of his scar, the entire band has various different whimsical stories, brand new everytime. His lack of internet presence means Pause and Beef are free to make up whatever misinformation about him as they please completely unchecked (in jest of course), and they do take advantage of that. Many of these alternative facts are passed around on wikis and in fan circles.

To say Bdubs is jealous of Canadian Bacon's popularity is an understatement. They weren't even trying at all and yet they're the hot shit? But instead of putting that jealousy to hatred (which he had considered of course) he's instead set himself on proving himself. And if that means impressing Etho then so be it. Why does it mean impressing Etho? Good question, never ask it again. They say keep your enemies close, and Bdubs' enemies don't deserve personal space.

As it turns out, Etho wasn't too difficult to impress or maybe Bdubs was just that amazing. Either way, they end up hitting it off. Their friendship is an interesting one, mostly because Etho's fans basically hunt Bdubs for sport online. We're talking scribbled out of pictures, get behind me, #FreeEtho. Etho thinks he seems pretty cool though, if not a bit much sometimes, so no harm no foul.

Okay, rapid fire, some other notes for this au.

> Etho's legal name is Ethel. Because it is. My heart is so set on it. But if you're boring, Ethan or Ezekiel or something work too I guess.

> Etho's keytar mimics a more traditional guitar in most cases, though he's known to experiment a lot with how far he can push that.

> Etho's scar is from a mugging in this au, not a very fun story to tell. Beef practicing his brand new razor blade throwing hobby or fighting a bear to beat Pause in a bet is much more entertaining.

> Canadian Bacon is meant to have a manager, but I couldn't think of anyone I felt fit. Just a note.

> Bdubs has a habit of grabbing Etho by his tie and pulling him down to his level or otherwise using it as a leash. Etho doesn't usually wear the tie outside of show stuff or interviews, but he wears it around Bdubs because thinks its funny. When there's no tie that doesn't stop Bdubs, collars and hoodie strings are subject to the same usage.

> Etho isn't aware of how infamous Bdubs is when they meet as they meet at a festival with a big group of other musicians. Most of which already know Bdubs as his more excitable friendly self. He only finds out later when Bdubs complains about Etho's fans flaming him anytime he mentions him.

> Bdubs still has a self-imposed curfew, 10pm every night unless it conflicts with a show. He needs his beauty sleep.

> The trigger reason for the animosity toward Bdubs is due to being blamed by fans for the split of his last band that had a pretty hardcore cult following (OOG, I've not named their band yet), and that has since snowballed into what it is today, despite his actions being relatively harmless. To note, this was not an assumption at all promoted by either party, it was entirely a fanmade judgement.

> For those who can, picture s5 jungle Bdubs mixed with drunken OOG(E) ctm maps for his approximate personality. Still goofy but with a sharper tongue and a lot worse of a temper.

> Originally I considered Cleo as Bdubs' manager so he's not all alone in narrative sense, I still think it's not a bad idea I'd love to see her chew him out for acting like a moron. Ren or Scar would be also be options for manager.

> Bdubs needs a touring band, but I'm not well versed enough in the hermits to actually pick one out. Just a note.

Okay, that's most of it! There's some more pg-13 headcanons for this au, along the lines of fuck yeah rock'n roll lifestyle, but it's not really important I'm sure just that is enough to get the gist of it. Thank you for reading this overly long note. ^v~

#Definitely expect more stupid aus - ive been having a lot of fun throwing them into random scenarios #ive been watching a lot of older bdubs content lately and ive been loving his attitude #band au #bdubs #etho #birdie art #birdie writing #bdoubleo #bdoubleo100 #hope i did the alt text right - let me know if it needs fixing #bdouble100 fanart #bdoubleo fanart #ethoslab fanart #etho fanart #ethoslab #hermitcraft fanart #divorce duo

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comp-lady · 2 months

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[FIC] An Empire From The Ashes Of Old, Chapter 36

Fandom: Ghost

Pairing: Copiiia, poly ghouls, the Papas and the ghouls

Characters: Copia, Terzo, The nameless ghouls, various OCs

Notes: Copia is NOT related to Terzo in this. If you have a problem with that ship take it to someone who cares, because I don’t. Your lack of imagination is not my problem.

Summary:

The Emeritus brothers are dead, and Cardinal Copia has been installed as the new front man of Ghost.The Lights, the fans screaming and singing along, the way the tension between himself and ghouls seems to melt away. Every night it’s like he’s stepping from one world to another. One where he is a better version of himself. Confident, likeable, maybe even a little bit sexy. When on stage there is some part of Copia, buried deep and long ignored, that finally feels at home. Like he is no longer alone.But eventually the ritual ends. Final bows are done and he must leave the stage. Re-enter reality. Where nothing is simple and those in power have their own plans for the Ghost Project. To whom Copia is little more than a pawn, to be moved across the board as they see fit. He can be the puppet, or he can take the more difficult path and become the Papa he was meant to be

Read it here on AO3

If you like my work consider leaving a tip! ☕

So here's the deal, a bunch of you toxic motherfuckers need to sort your shit out.

I've noticed that there's been an increase of you shit weasels who can't curate your space being hateful wastes of meat since the movie came out. If you have a problem with Terco/Copia or Secondo/Copia then that is YOUR problem. Cope. Stop bringing it to us that do ship them. We don't care. We do not owe you an explanation, we do not owe it to you to stop shipping them, we do not owe you hypocritical shitheads JACK SHIT.

If you cannot curate your own spaces online then you need to move back in with Mommy and Daddy and have them put parental controls on your devices. Especially if you aren't mature enough to just block and move on. I know for a fact some of you morons stalk the tags. I know for a fact some of you morons still ship them but do so in silence. Because the company you keep is so toxic you cannot even be honest about your ships.

That's just pathetic.

We can write AUs where the ghouls murder Siblings of Sin freely and easily. We can write fics where the Papas sacrifice people. Where the ministry is toxic and cruel. But an au where two characters aren't related? Because y'all are too stuck on what is considered "canon"? Seems like y'all cannot separate reality from fiction and you need to step back until you're fucking smart enough to realize that these characters are all FAKE.

On top of that... many of us that ship the Papas DON'T WRITE INCEST. Majroity of the time, majority of the fics, we do not write them as related. There is no incest in the picture. YOU PEOPLE are the ones coming at us screaming about incest.

Grow the fuck up and stop projecting y'all's weird obsession with incest onto us.

I hope y'all stumble on untagged scat

#ghost band #copiiia #Filius et Spiritus Non Sancti #nameless ghouls #the band ghost #ghost bc #fanfiction #i made it myself

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basiltonbutliketheherb · 25 days

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hello and welcome to my chappell roan ted talk

these days, more than ever, i am feeling incredibly disheartened by the treatment of female artists and the deep societal misogyny that it signifies. there is such a vast expanse between this and the typical experience of a male artists, that they have come to occupy an entirely different space in the cultural zeitgeist. male artists are often considered evergreen. allowed to make mistakes, to be rude, to release below average material and be given endless chances, to age, and to have problematic pasts and relationships. (yes, i am generalizing, of course male artists experience mistreatment as well, but generally to a lesser, and less permanent degree. we are talking about women today.)

the experience of a female artist is that of being constantly balanced on a knife’s edge. they are idolized, deified and built up to insanely lofty heights, then one (real or perceived) wrong move and they are viciously turned upon. they are built up almost solely so that they can be delicious to destroy.

we’ve seen this over and over in the past with people like taylor swift, demi lovato, britney spears, katy perry, kristen stewart, miley cyrus, ariana grande etc. (blake lively is a current example.) once they reach a level of overexposure and mass appeal, the vultures begin circling. one bad song, or thoughtless remark, or bad breakup, and they are public enemy #1. even when they do something truly problematic they are not allowed to learn and grow from it as men are. their purpose in society is immediately shifted from entertainment at their charm and success to entertainment at their suffering and demise.

this phenomenon used to be mainly sourced at the hands of media figures. journalists, talk show hosts, gossip sites, magazines. this highly visible upper echelon held all the cards and could sway the public in any direction they pleased in a pre internet monoculture, but now, with the rise of social media, billions of normal people have this power while being safely guarded behind a screen, or even wholly anonymous.

the recent years (and impact of younger generations growing up chronically online) have led to a sort of moral grandstanding, virtue signalling, victorianesque societal revolution. in this space there is no room for error. everything female artists do is taken out of context, twisted, and shamed. they are fully dehumanized and treated like a product belonging to the masses. a subject of discourse more than a person. they are expected to be perfect in every aspect, off the bat, with no room to make mistakes or learn. they need to be knowledgeable in every subject and never ever offend anyone, or do anything to bring anyone, anywhere, anything less than pure satisfaction.

there is no right move a female artist can make. if they take chances to further their career they are calculated, selfish, greedy, competitive. if they are content with the level of success they are at they are lazy, mid, a flop. if they are comfortable with their appearance and body size and aging, they are mediocre, not meant to be famous, a bad influence. but if they alter their appearance in any way they are fake, self obsessed, arrogant, and a bad influence. if they appear perfect, well spoken, kind, and generous then they are liars, manipulators, schemers. but if they appear blunt and not perfectly media trained then they are not cut out for fame, ungrateful, annoying, and spoiled.

( i am aware that i sound like the barbie movie monologue, but that doesn’t change the reality.)

the thing is, there have always been haters, trolls, liars who wanted to instigate the downfall of female celebrities. who couldn’t bear their success and admiration, and just wanted to burn it all to the ground. but today, in this social media generation, the call is often coming from inside the house. so often the ones to turn on famous women and treat them inhumanly, are their own supposed fans. people who are so obsessed with this perfect image that they project onto their fave. who feel so deeply entitled to their time, attention, and recognition that they feel personally slightly and attacked when things don’t go the exact way they want.

let’s take for example, the cancelling of taylor swift’s vienna tour dates.

these shows were cancelled by the venue management, due to a planned terrorist attack that was intended to kill 10s of thousands to 100s of thousands of people. due to the delicacy and danger of this whole situation, taylor swift decided to not mention the incident until after she had finished her european dates and was safely back in the US, as to not further endanger herself, her crew, and her fans.

this caused an unbelievable outrage. people who were both personally affected by the cancellations and those who weren’t, came for her throat. they were furious at her for not talking about it. for not coddling them and telling them how deeply sorry she was. for not grovelling at their feet and self flagellating to make it up to them. once she was back in the states she did in fact release a statement telling everyone how devastated she was over the whole experience and explaining how she felt it was important to stay silent until the right moment to speak on it.

now you’d think this would be enough to assuage the angry mob, but no. they doubled down and declared that it was too little too late, not enough remorse, and that they deserved even more of her attention and repentance. the whole behavior reeked of a desire to chain her to a post and throw bricks until she promises to do better next time and to give everyone their own personal concert and cradle them in her loving motherly arms, to make amends.

and these are supposed to be her FANS. people who were willing to spend hundreds, if not thousands of dollars just to be in the same room as her. just to breathe her air.

now, taylor swift ultimately will be fine (i am talking career wise), she is one of the richest female celebrities in the world. no one can even come close to matching her music sales, fan base, legacy, and broken records. she can lose 10%, 20% of her fan base and still be on top of the world.

but now let’s look at chappell roan.

in the past 6 months or so chappell has rocketed to fame. as someone who has been a fan for ages, this explosion of recognition and admiration was both outstanding to witness, and deeply dread inducing. especially knowing that chappell stands out as a loudly queer artist, who is unique and deeply talented, who is open about her struggle with bipolar disorder and depression, and has no desire to whittle herself down for public consumption. all of this, while incredible and refreshing, was a clear warning sign for what was to come, given the history of female artist reception, even for those who check every box of being publically consumable.

in the past couple weeks there has been a massive wave of both “fans” and those who didn’t even know chappell previously, turning against her for sport. chappell roan released a statement after having nonconsensual interactions with crazed fans, having her family members stalked and doxxed, being yelled at and harassed on the street, and having her personal history, relationships, and childhood mined for exploitative content.

now this behavior may sound familiar. just the typical feral stan behavior that celebs often experience.

but one key factor here is that chappell is brand new to this level of exposure. her fame exploded before her income could from this success, far too suddenly to have taylor swift level security measures set in place around herself and the ones she loves. too sudden for anyone to adapt to their experience of existing in public, online, and even private spaces being permanently altered. she woke up to an entirely new world and had little time to figure out how to move within it without further damaging her own mental health and safety, and likely few people around her who had experienced even close to this caliber of success and could guide her through it. all with no major record label crafting her image or providing pr.

so, the statement. chappell has recently gone on social media and set boundaries for herself. for how she chooses to move within this new world. she has explained the way this rise to fame has impacted her mental health and filled her life with fear and anxiety. she has made her position clear that she is an artist professionally, but a human being when she’s off the clock. her career is just that, a job. an amazing job, yes, but she is still an autonomous person who is allowed to clock out. who is allowed to turn off the character that she puts on for performances, and be left alone when she is not at work.

this includes, (considered most egregious) fans not touching her without permission, coming up to her in public and asking for pictures or autographs, or shouting her legal name at her on the street and taking pictures of her. as well as not harassing the people in her life or sharing her personal information online.

now while these things all sound reasonable, and something any one of us regular folk would expect in our daily lives, this boundary setting is nearly unprecedented for female artists. anyone who has tried has been deemed a cultural blight.

celebrity worship and stan behaviour has lead to an extremely parasocial society.

fans feel it is their god given right to own every aspect of a celebrity. they “deserve” to know every detail of their relationships, their thoughts on politics and events, their secrets and shames and preferences and loves and traumas. they are “entitled” to their time, attention, and endless gratitude, no matter what they are going through or willing to offer up. female celebrities are solely there for the consumption of the general public, they are to be picked apart and chewed up strip by strip. fans “deserve” to touch them, take pictures of them, yell at them, just for a moment of recognition, validation of their obsession, a glimpse of heaven at the alter of their deity. this is just the way it is, has always been, and will always be.

but chappell roan has said NO. no, this is not the way it has to be. just because something has been tolerated in the past, doesn’t mean it’s not wrong. doesn’t mean the future generations need to abide by the tradition of stalking, harassing, and devouring. doesn’t mean that it should be the norm to accept the potential of home invasions, hacking, and assassination attempts.

this simple act of boundary setting has caused an absolute outrage. media publications, other artists, “fans”, haters, and causal media consumers have come with pitchforks and torches to burn her at the stake. they say she is entitled and ungrateful, despite her explaining how deeply grateful she is to all those who support her and also support her privacy. they say she is a nobody and hasn’t earned the right to set boundaries. that society needs to swish her like wine in their mouths and spit her out once they’ve tasted enough, before she’s allowed to say anything other than “thank you thank you i love you i am not worthy”. they say she is not cut out for fame, because this is what fame is and has to be for all female celebrities. they do not get to have autonomy or choice. how absurd that they’d even try, how selfish and greedy and self important to think they deserve it??

of course true fans are going to rock with her no matter what, but chappell is brand new to most. to outsiders she is a face that appeared one day already cemented in a superstar position, and was suddenly unavoidable, confusing, and suspicious. the court of public opinion and the power of negative discourse have a weight to them which can easily overshadow the newfound success of a niche, less easily marketable celebrity like chappell, who has only just gotten her foot in the door.

in the midst of this discourse something else has occurred to deepen the gash of public animosity. chappell roan was given the career and life changing opportunity to perform at the VMAs for millions of people. an opportunity to grow her critical notoriety and fan base, as well as bring queer representation to the live screen, that would be a massive career misstep to pass up on. in accepting this opportunity, chappell was forced to cancel a couple shows that had been planned for a while. she tried to make the situation work for everyone, but ultimately was unable to. she expressed her regret and apologies and assured everyone that she would be rescheduling those shows when she had the chance.

as we have seen with the taylor swift vienna situation, this was NOT going to go down well.

“fans” came after her with a vengeance. they called her selfish, greedy, fake, and wicked for choosing her career growth over their personal experiences. said she was an ungrateful hypocrite for asking the world for space and then choosing the option to be unhumble and promote herself to the masses. the tickets were refunded, but people had CHOSEN to book hotels and fly out to see her in concert and thus blamed her for their financial burden. just as taylor swift “fans” did with the vienna tour dates.

as if chappell roan should be obligated to recoup them for the financial choices they made, and give them the experience they wanted right the fuck now, with the right level of humility, or else be deserving of punishment.

it is understandable for fans to be disappointed that they didn’t receive the experience they hoped for. that the situation was so sticky and immediate that they didn’t have time to cancel plans and grieve the loss. i know when i waited two hours after the opener at sabrina carpenter’s tour last year, just to find out she wasn’t able to perform due to bomb threats, i was heartbroken and angry at the world. i was frustrated with how the situation was handled by management, but i was not angry AT sabrina. i didn’t evicerate her online and demand that she FIX my heartbreak at once. i sat with my feelings and knew that there would be other opportunities, and that

sometimes life isn’t gratifying, no matter how fucking unfair it feels.

it is becoming more and more rare for any degree of understanding and grace to be given to female artists. every success i witness for the artists i appreciate (like this year for sabrina and chappell) fills me with a deep foreboding dread. because they are considered disposable and easily replaceable in this instant gratification, tiktok algorithm generation. everything has to be right now, done perfectly, and hold up to high moral inspection or else they are slotted for obscurity or public crucifixtion.

meanwhile, every aspect of these situations is deemed frivolous by society. they say if you don’t like it, get out and go work at dairy queen, there’s a line waiting behind you who are willing to appease us more. they say that having income from success immediately delegitimizes any social commentary or personal issues. because celebrities are not human beings. they are religious figures. they are both royalty and court jesters. they are toys to be played with ad nauseam, and then discarded.

but why?

why does it have to be this way? why does wanting to share your art with the world mean giving up your safety, privacy, and peace? why is it okay for male celebs to be grumpy and brash and never interact with fans, but it is a cardinal sin for female celebs to do the same or to transparently ask for it? and why is any of this important to you and i, who are barely scraping by and unlikely to ever be famous? why does it matter when these women generally still have some semblance of their careers leftover even after mass disdain?

because all of this is indicative of a greater issue that pervades every aspect of society. it is simply that with famous people we can see it on a macro scale.

all women and femme presenting people are held to the same standard as female celebrities, but on a less publicly visible level. in our careers, our relationships, our expressions of joy, our community and bonds with other women, and our own calcified internal misogyny.

we are here for consumption, we are here for the pleasure and entertainment of others. how dare we ask for more? how dare we know our power and set boundaries for ourselves? how dare we think we deserve a seat at the table, even as we age and grow and expand beyond the bounds of charming ingénue? how dare we collaborate instead of seeing each other as competitors and threats to our own power and beauty and ability to be loved?

how fucking DARE we ever get the idea that we are worth more than our youth and beauty and service to others?

i don’t know how we, as a whole, address any of this when the matter at hand is so deeply pervasive and engrained in the foundation of society. but i, for one, will start by looking at my own role in the treatment of female artists.

i will take the time to ask myself why even the existence of certain figures sparks a feeling of rage within me, and why i feel such a deep desire to know every detail, action, and thought of the artists i appreciate. why i feel joy and satisfaction when female artists i dislike are taken down, or “beat” by someone i prefer. why i let drama that has nothing to do with me alter my perception of art created by people i do not know personally. why my black and white thinking and sense of justice only applies to those who don’t resonate with me on an artistic or personal level.

i will work on finding grace and understanding for those who are trying to grow beyond their mistakes and be better people, the way that i am trying to everyday. those who exist both in the public sphere and in my daily life.

because it’s never too late to rip out the teeth of the bear trap we were born in.

long story short: chappell roan did nothing wrong. but if she ever truly does, all you can do is ask for accountability, then take a breath, get the fuck over it, and see the bigger picture for once

thank you for coming to my ted talk

#enjoy my ramblings i will not be rereading or editing anything i wrote #chappell roan #taylor swift #taylor swift vienna #stan culture #celebrity worship #chappell did nothing wrong #fight me #i do not care if i sound sanctimonious. i am pissed #can you tell i’m on a new adhd medication #no one’s gonna read all this but you should tho

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diamondcitydarlin · 1 month

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I understand it's not even the fifth-most important point in your post, but I really think that going forward, making sure all creators (at least those of Gaiman's calibre) have as little direct access to fans as possible should be industry standard. We've all heard the horror stories about Vic whatshisface at cons and whatnot, but even the folks who aren't certified creeps detract more than they add to the fan experience (witness the five-alarm Drama that breaks out whenever creators make the tiniest ship-adjacent commentary in interviews).

Couldn't agree more. The Neil Gaiman allegations are not a new phenomenon by any means; we know from countless prior exposures that predators use fame and fortune to ensnare victims, especially those that have been predisposed from maybe even an early age to revere and idolize them. And like you say, even if someone in such a position of power/influence has no ulterior, sinister motives for reveling directly in their fan base, there are so many other things that can go awry from crossing those boundaries. (Gaiman himself warned of the legal complications that could arise from people sending him fanfic directly- you'd think that'd be reason enough for him to, yknow, not be constantly on tumblr interacting with the fanbase and tags, but ofc we know why now)

I think there's something to be said about the quick rise of the internet/social media and the consequences of that in fandom spaces, that we're kind of having to catch up and learn from difficult experience how best to set those boundaries between fandom and creators. It's easy to think we should have known better already, but Gaiman had been carefully crafting his persona for decades at that point and always seeming like one of the 'good ones' as so many others were exposed throughout the years. I think in fact that probably strengthened the parasocial bonds as people clung even harder to him as the precious exception to the rule.

And yet, still I'm somewhat left at a loss of what the hard and fast rules should be, and if they should be the same across the board or if there's any room for nuance. I know that crafting a social media presence, even a persona can be important for accruing a marketed interest (and just unavoidable in the world we live in now, for people in related careers) and I don't think creators/famous people showing appreciation and recognition of their fanbases has to be an inherently bad thing. I know that people enjoy having Q&A panels with creators and interviews asking divisive questions about pairings/plot decisions etc in a show has been a thing since TV digest- but of course, getting in a friendly debate with your IRL friend over whether the last interview from the head writer of Friends meant Ross would end up with Rachel or not is very different from online discourse with thousands of angry, opinionated strangers, and maybe that needs to be taken into consideration in future- that is, if the creators in question actually care about their fans and aren't stirring the pot on purpose, which could also be the case. Anyway.

What's also true and I think should be taken into consideration going forward is that people of Neil's wealth and level of fame don't really need to be constantly interacting with fans on social media. I feel the smarter, safer route there for everyone involved is to have an assistant or PR person to handle social media accounts and in Gaiman's case specifically I feel that this is the least his team could do in the way of restorative justice/keeping his fans safe. This time, he really shouldn't have any public social media he runs himself. I'm literally imploring his lawyers, people, whomever has the ability if you happen to be reading this, to just cut him the fuck off from now on. I don't think that's asking too much of anyone involved. (They have for the time being ofc, but I'm calling for a lifetime ban). As that relates to other famous people, I would say we need to just bear it in mind. A little healthy suspicion for someone famous that's just trying to 'hang out with the gang' on a routine, intimate basis because, like, why? To what end, exactly?

And maybe we need to also have some discussions about predator behaviors from celebrities/creators during in-person meetups, how to recognize them and what to do on an individual and fandom-wide level if it happens. Like, I don't personally think it's appropriate or advisable for a famous person to proposition a fan (regardless of age or gender identity) romantically/sexually at their first meeting with this person at a fan meetup (it's a fan meetup not speed dating), I don't think they should be giving fans their number or contact info (even if it's purely intended, it's not appropriate or safe for either party). I don't think creators/famous people should be commenting on their fans' appearances at these meetups even if it's 'positive' ('wow you're so beautiful'- though there's nuance here, like if someone's wearing a cosplay and it's only about that etc, it can be nebulous but I think yall know what I'm talking about). I think all of those things should be regarded by fans as possible red flags and I think creators should have enough of a sense of responsibility over the power dynamic to know better than to cross those boundaries. I also think fans should feel safe and supported when coming forward with stories of behavior like this and I think we have to always be prepared to learn and 'accept' things we wish weren't true about famous people we like but don't know (accept as in accept as true and then get to work on what restorative justice can be realistically achieved for the victims).

But yeah, I'm interested in knowing what others think about this. Has this revelation made you view the famous people you like differently? Do you think there are better, further methods that should be taken to put boundaries between creators and fans? What can we as fandom communities do better to keep each other safe going forward? I'd love if it we could discuss these issues further.

#neil gaiman #tw neil gaiman #tw sa #made sure to put his full name in this time in case it gets reblogged

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