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pucksandpower · 7 months

Text

Of Roomates and Revenge

Lewis Hamilton x fake girlfriend!Reader

Featuring Max Verstappen, Lando Norris, Charles Leclerc, Pierre Gasly, Esteban Ocon, and Nico Rosberg

Summary: in which your search for a free place to stay leads to helping one half of Brocedes live out his petty fantasy for revenge … and falling in love while doing so

Cat and Apartment Sitter Needed (Monaco)

Compensation: €1500/week plus all the Red Bull you can drink

I’m a world-traveling young professional who is rarely home. My two beautiful and rambunctious bengal cats need someone to stay with them in my Monaco apartment whenever I’m away for work.

The ideal candidate will be an experienced cat person who is prepared to deal with a lot of energy, chaos, and shenanigans from these two little terrors. They knock everything off every surface, wrestle at 3am, and will likely attempt to smother you while you sleep. If you can handle that, we’ll get along just fine.

In addition to caring for the cats, you will need to keep my place relatively tidy (i.e. no crushed Red Bull cans or fast food wrappers everywhere), collect any packages or mail that arrives, and randomly turn a few lights on and off every evening so the neighbors don’t get suspicious.

The position is ideal for a mature student, digital nomad, or someone between living situations who wants an amazing place to stay for free in one of the world’s hotspots.

Drop me a line if you think you can handle the cats from hell and wouldn't mind living in a 230 m² penthouse apartment with a private terrace, floor-to-ceiling windows, and a badass view of the Mediterranean. Preference goes to non-smokers who follow directions well and won’t throw ragers when I’m gone.

Send a brief intro, your experience with cats, and a couple photos attached. Urgently need someone for various stretches starting mid-February.

Do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers.

Live-in Cactus Caretaker Needed (Monaco)

Compensation: €1000/week, free snacks, and you can play my Xbox

I’m a young dude who’s rarely home because of my job that involves a lot of international travel. I have a single cactus plant that I promised my mum I would keep alive until she visits again. The thing is ... I have absolutely no idea how to care for plants. Like, I nearly killed it the first week by forgetting it existed.

What I need is someone responsible who can essentially live in my swanky Monaco apartment whenever I’m gone and keep my tiny cactus friend alive.

Duties would include:

Watering the cactus like ... once a month? Twice a month? I don’t know how often it needs water

Not letting the cactus die in any other way (pretty sure they need sunlight too … I think)

Keeping the place tidy (I’m a bit of a mess)

In return, you’d get:

A sick apartment all to yourself with a stunning view, giant TV, and full kitchen (please for the love of god be careful in there ... I almost burned the place down trying to make a grilled cheese once. Seriously, I'm not exaggerating. I almost went up in flames over a silly sandwich. If you can't even operate a microwave, we may have problems. There’s only room for one idiot like that in Monaco — and it’s me)

Unlimited snacks/drinks from my well-stocked pantry

Free rein over my gaming setup (just don’t break anything)

First dibs on any events/reservations I can’t make

The ideal person is responsible, shows they can follow basic instructions for cactus care, laidback since you’ll be alone a lot, and trustworthy enough not to wreck the place or throw illegal parties. Having a green thumb would be great, but frankly if you can manage not to kill the one plant, that’s good enough for me.

Send a brief bio about yourself and your qualifications as a cactus/housesitter if interested! I’m gone quite frequently starting in February so could use someone ASAP.

No scammy offers or soliciting, please!

Roommate Needed to Drink Wine and Listen to My Woes (Monaco)

Compensation: Free rent in a nice apartment, plus all the wine you can drink

Are you a good listener? Do you enjoy dry red wines and occasional bouts of tears and venting? If so, I’ve got the perfect living situation for you!

I’m a youngish guy with a high-stress job that involves a lot of traveling. When I’m home in Monaco, I tend to unwind by polishing off a couple bottles of nice Bordeaux or Burgundy while complaining about work, my colleagues, and my rival who is giving me really mixed signals.

What I need is a roommate who doesn’t mind a little drunken blubbering here and there.

You’ll get:

Your own bedroom in my spacious 2BR/2BA apartment in the La Condamine district

Rights to my kitchen, living room with large TV, piano, and music recording equipment

Access to the building’s pool, sauna, fitness center, and lounge areas

As much wine as you can drink (and more)

In exchange, you’ll be expected to:

Listen to my periodic rants and rave sessions without judgement

Preferably nod along or offer supportive-sounding feedback like “Yeah, that’s really tough man” or “Wow, they sound terrible”

Refill wine glasses as needed

Maybe rub my back or pat my head if I’m really going through it

The ideal candidate is a decent human being who can empathize with the high-pressure struggles of a young professional trying to make it in a cut-throat career.

You’ll need a decent amount of free time and lots of patience. Prior experience as a life coach, therapist, or sympathetic drinking buddy is a plus.

If you can handle crying guys after a few too many glasses of Châteauneuf-du-Pape, inquire within! Include a little about yourself and why you would make a good non-judgmental wine friend. Merci!

Expand Your Search? Similar Opportunities:

Impartial Referee Wanted for Parking Lot Brawls (France)

Compensation: €400 per event

Two athletic young men in their late-20s are looking for a level-headed third party to oversee and officiate their semi-regular parking lot boxing matches. Yes, you read that right — we’re talking straight-up fisticuffs in the back alley behind the Circuit Paul Ricard.

A little background: We’ve been frenemies/rivals since we were kids — constantly competing in friends, employment opportunities, you name it. There’s a healthy amount of hatred between us that simply can't be resolved through words alone. Every few months, we feel the need to just take out our pent-up aggression on each other's faces.

Up until now, it’s been an unregulated shitshow with no real rules or oversight. We’re looking for someone impartial who can:

Set some fair ground rules around where/how we can strike

Ensure no prop weapons get involved (last time he tried to scalp me with a wrench)

Officiate and declare a winner once one of us is knocked out or quits

Ideally have some basic first-aid skills in case of a nasty cut or broken nose

We will pay €400 cash at the start of each bout. You’ll get a free show of two extremely fit dudes wailing on each other until there’s a clear victor.

Loser exits with his tail between his legs, winner gets to gloat for the next couple months until we run it back.

If you can be a neutral third party and aren’t squeamish about a little blood, send us your info with some details about yourself and your experience resolving conflicts (legally or not). First come first served — our next fight is tentatively scheduled for mid-May!

No flakes or perverts, please. Serious connoisseurs of violence only.

P.S. Don’t be scared to give out penalties (one of us is used to that)

Actor or Actress Needed to Annoy Ungrateful Ex-Friend (Monaco)

Compensation: €2700 per week, free luxury accommodations

I’m a successful guy in my late 30s looking to hire someone to pretend to be my significant other for a few months. Before you get the wrong idea, let me explain ...

I had a major falling out with a former best friend who stabbed me in the back years ago. We live in the same apartment building, just one floor apart.

I’m trying to show him how amazing my life still is without him … and maybe make him jealous in the process.

That’s where you come in. I need you to move into my penthouse temporarily and act as my gorgeous new boyfriend/girlfriend.

Your main duties would include:

Loudly introducing yourself to said ex-friend by knocking on his door and being line “Hi, is [insert my name] here?” Then pretend to be embarrassed and apologize when he tells you that you’re at the wrong apartment

Hang out in the hallway near his place and have very loud fake conversations detailing our imaginary passionate nights together (rated R)

Post cringy coupley photos on your social media of us dressed up going out, cuddling on my yacht, etc

Ideally you’re an aspiring actor/actress or just a really convincing liar. Being somewhat loud and dramatic is a plus. You’ll need to be willing to play along if my petty ex-friend tries to confront us.

In return, you’ll be living in a lavish penthouse with all the amenities for free. You’ll have your own private suite and can hang out on the oversized balcony, by the pool, or in the media room when you’re off the clock. Might also be able to introduce you to some high-profile people if you’re trying to network.

Oh, and my bulldog will provide plenty of cuddles.

If you can pull off a remarkably realistic fake partner act and aren’t afraid of a little light deception, hit me up! Please include a couple photos plus a bit about yourself and your acting experience. Aiming to start mid-April.

I’m an equal opportunity employer — girlfriend, boyfriend, nonbinary partner, you name it. All genders welcome to apply for the role if you’ve got what it takes! Only preference is that you have especially luscious hair … for reasons.

No weirdos please.

Hi,

Okay, I have to admit — your ridiculous request to hire a fake girlfriend to make your ex-best friend jealous is quite possibly the pettiest thing I’ve ever heard. And I absolutely love it.

I’m literally the perfect person for this role. Petty vengeance is my middle name (well, not really, it's actually Y/M/N ... but you get the idea).

A little about my qualifications:

Took some theatre electives in university so I can really sell the dramatics

Lots of experience putting on an Oscar-worthy performance faking ... well, you know ... thanks to my douchebag ex-boyfriend who couldn’t be bothered to learn how to pleasure a woman 🙄

Not afraid to get LOUD and will happily reenact our “passionate nights” at earsplitting volumes in that hallway

Can pull off playing dumb if your friend tries to interrogate me about you (“Oh [whatever your name is]? Yeah he’s just the best at ... stuff”)

No shame in my pettiness game — I once spent my weekly paycheck on a Cameo just so an ex’s favorite celebrity would call him a dingleberry

In terms of looks, I’ve been told I have just the right amount of “hot” to make your poor pal jealous without it being too unbelievable. I’m attaching a few photos for reference.

Let me know if you want to meet up for a glass of wine and we can workshop some juicy storylines for our imaginary romance. Perhaps I was a former fling you rediscovered? A hot younger thing giving you a new lease on life? The possibilities are endless!

I’m a pro at faking it, so selling our relationship will be a piece of cake. Your ex-friend will be bright green with envy by the time I’m through!

Let’s make him regret the day he double-crossed you, babe.

Cheers,

Y/N

r/offmychest

u/NotBritneySpears · 16h

My ex-best friend’s new girlfriend is the WORST!

I really need to get this off my chest. My upstairs neighbor’s new girlfriend is, without a doubt, the most insufferable human being on the planet. She’s loud, obnoxious, and seems to take immense pleasure in tormenting me for some reason.

A little background: I used to be really close friends with my neighbor. We had a big falling out a while back over ... well, it’s a long story. We don’t talk anymore and there’s a lot of resentment between us. Clearly the universe is trying to get back at me now with this new girl.

This chick has made it her personal mission to give me a play-by-play account of every single intimate encounter she has with him. And I mean DETAILED accounts. The other day I was just trying to enjoy my morning coffee and I hear her incredibly shrill voice from right outside my door:

“Oh he was an ANIMAL last night! The things he did with his tongue, I thought I was going to pass out!”

Like, seriously? Keep it to yourself, weirdo! That’s just the tame stuff too. Sometimes she’ll go into pretty graphic detail describing body parts and positions that I really didn’t need a mental picture of.

Here’s the thing — she quite obviously positions herself to be as close as possible to my apartment without actually trespassing — I mean, she doesn’t even live on my floor for god’s sake! So every word comes through crystal clear. I’ve confronted her about it a few times and she just plays dumb, like:

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry if I was being loud! We just get so carried away sometimes, you know how it is,” with this stupid ditzy valley girl voice and hair toss.

I don’t know if my former best friend put her up to this or if she’s just a massive troll in her own right. But it’s like psychological warfare at this point. Literally ANY time I’m home, I have to listen to her yap about their Sex Olympian-level escapades.

My wife even heard them once and thought I was playing porn at an insane volume! She doesn’t believe me that it’s just this deranged lady running her mouth constantly.

I’m half-tempted to start recording her rants and blast them back at full volume to give them a taste of their own medicine. Or maybe start describing lurid details of my own (admittedly not quite so colorful) sex life in retaliation.

I don’t know, maybe I’m being oversensitive. But living under these two insufferable assholes is a waking nightmare. I need to move or something because this is massively affecting my peace of mind. Who knows if they will ever get bored of tormenting me and move on.

Rant over. Thanks for letting me vent about the neighbors from hell.

u/chronicgossiper · 12h

Damn, that sucks man. Your neighbor and his gf sound like immature assholes trying to get a rise out of you. I’d look into noise complaint options or even see if you can get them evicted for harassment.

Reply to u/chronicgossiper · 11h

Seriously? You really think the landlord would evict someone over this? It’s not like they’re blasting music at 3am. Sounds more like passive aggressive pettiness than anything illegal.

u/chronicgossiper · 10h

Idk, having to listen to people loudly describe their sex acts against your will seems like it could qualify as harassment or creating a hostile environment. Worth exploring at least if they won’t stop.

u/NotBritneySpears · 9h

Eviction isn’t really an option here since we all own our apartments and there’s no landlord dictating that. It’s not that type of building.

u/nosyandproud · 8h

Did your former friend move into that building first or did you move in knowing he lived there?

u/NotBritneySpears · 7h

He was there first, I bought my place a few years after him when I could afford it. Never expected he'd pull something this childish.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 6h

So you willingly moved into the same building as your ex-best friend that you aren’t on speaking terms with? That’s just asking for drama, dude.

u/NotBritneySpears · 5h

It’s a great building in an amazing location. I wasn’t going to not pursue the opportunity just because he lives there too. It’s a big place, I didn’t think we’d be running into each other much.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 4h

Still seems like a weird decision to willingly insert yourself into his orbit like that if the relationship was so fractured. Probably should’ve seen some fallout coming.

u/nosyandproud · 3h

Yeah exactly, why would you move somwhere your ex-friend lives if you two clash that much? Kinda put yourself in this situation.

u/NotBritneySpears · 2h

Okay, let me be clear — he and I were best friends for over a decade before we had a colossal falling out a few years ago. We’re not just some casual ex-buddies who don’t get along. We were legitimately very close for most of our lives until things went nuclear between us. When I decided to move into the building, our friendship had been over for a while already. I really didn’t anticipate he’d take things to this vindictive level years later. I’m not going to miss out on my dream home just because of what happened between us.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 1h

This is getting juicyyy, do tell about what caused the falling out!

u/NotBritneySpears

Not really trying to dredge up old drama, that’s a whole other can of worms. The girlfriend situation is annoying enough as is.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 51m

Fair enough, you gave context. Still think you two need to have an adult conversation about boundaries. Purposely trying to loudly narrate their sex life at you is unhinged.

r/relationships

u/yourusername · 19h

I’m catching real feelings for the guy who hired me to be his fake girlfriend to get revenge on his ex-friend ... help?

Buckle up folks, because I’ve got one hell of a tangled situation to unpack here. This is going to be a long one.

About a month ago, I responded to this Facebook Marketplace ad from a guy (let’s call him L) looking to hire someone to pretend to be his new girlfriend. The goal was to make his former best friend/downstairs neighbor jealous after a brutal falling out between them.

I know, I know, it sounds ridiculous. But the benefits were good and I’d be living in his insane luxury penthouse in Monaco rent-free. More importantly, I really vibed with L’s pettiness and desire to get deliciously pathetic revenge on his ex-friend. My last boyfriend was the actual worst, so I was absolutely here for any slightly insane Karen antics.

Anyway, we hit it off immediately at the “audition” over drinks. L is brilliant, successful, gorgeous, and fucking hilarious in a sarcastic, unfiltered way. We both have a wicked mean streak and frankly get off on emotionally messy situations. It was like looking into a mirror — two beautiful trainwrecks finding each other in the wreckage.

From night one, we had crazy chemistry. The back-and-forth banter was electric, we finished each other’s sentences, etc. I felt so comfortable around him despite the bizarre circumstances. I assumed it was all fun and games to toy with his former best friend.

But over the last few weeks of loudly chronicling our “sex marathons”!outside said ex-friend’s door and doing phony coupley things around the city, I’ve realized my feelings are ... complicated. L and I CONNECT on a deeper level, in addition to just being partners in crime. We’ll be tangled up watching movies and he’ll make some perfectly timed quippy comment that has me cackling until my abs hurt. Or we’ll get deliriously wasted and end up baring our souls about our upbringings, dreams, fears — everything.

I’ve never been so open or comfortable around someone before. Our walls are gone. And the most messed up part? Some small, perverse part of me loves the strange intimacy we’ve manufactured through this farce. How much closer can you get than meticulously co-creating a fictional relationship?

In the beginning, I think we were both just in it for the laughs and pettiness factor. But something shifted for me recently. One night we were drunkenly rehearsing how I was going to describe our latest imaginary tryst to his ex-friend and ... I don’t know, I couldn’t stop staring at his lips while he was talking. His face was so close to mine and I felt breathless. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to ditch the script and really kiss him. I had to physically stop myself from lunging forward.

Later, when I went back to my room, I was hit with a crushing wave of realization — I have actual romantic FEELINGS for this basketcase who hired me to play-act as his girlfriend! What the actual fuck?

Guys, I’m in too deep. How did I let this happen? L is technically still my employer and this whole operation has an expiration date. His former friend is already growing visibly annoyed, so Phase 2 (feign a dramatic breakup, I move out, L moves on with his life) is likely coming up very soon.

Do I just bury my feelings and end this gig without saying anything? Do I risk the humiliation of confessing my heart to someone who was only pretending to want me around? Or should I just go for it and make out with him next time we’re tangled on the couch? I’m spiraling here!

The pettiness that brought us together may also tear us apart. Or maybe I’m just a sad clown who read too much into a fake relationship. Someone slap me with a reality check, please! I need perspective from the outside.

Tl;DR - Developed legit romantic feelings for the guy who hired me to be his fake girlfriend as part of his weird revenge plot. Not sure if I should come clean, keep it professional, or start actually making out with him for real. This was NOT part of the deal!

u/judgingloudly · 18h

Oh honey, you are in a MESS. This is like a bad romcom plot but IRL. I think your only real option is to fess up and tell L how you’re feeling. Contrary to popular belief, the fake dating trope doesn’t always have to stay pretend!

If he doesn’t feel the same way, at least you put it all out there and can move on with some dignity intact. But who knows — from how you describe the crazy chemistry and connection, he might feel relieved you said something first! Don’t let this fire burn out without taking your shot. Oh and definitely keep us updated, I’m invested now!

Reply to u/judgingloudly · 17h

I agree with this take. You already acknowledged you’re in too deep emotionally. Might as well put those cards on the table and let the chips fall where they may. Shooting your shot is always better than letting the “what if” eat away at you forever!

u/livefordrama · 16h

I’m sorry but I simply must ask — how did you land a gig like this? And does he happen to have any more openings for a fake girlfriend? Asking for a friend …

u/yourusername · 15h

Honestly it was a random Facebook ad looking for exactly this — a girl to move in and fake date this guy to drive his feuding neighbor up the wall. I applied semi-joking but he picked me!

As for openings, not that I know of ... yet. I may have to quit soon depending how this all plays out, so will keep you posted if my spot opens up!

Reply to u/yourusername · 14h

Omg please do! I would 100% take on a role like this, it sounds like a total riot.

u/unpaidtherapist · 13h

Girl, I think you already know what you have to do here. Is keeping things professional and never admitting your feelings really an option at this point? You’re clearly enamored with this guy and he seems to reciprocate the intensity at least platonically so far. I say GO FOR IT!

Just pull him aside one day, say “hey this isn’t just an act for me anymore, I really like you and need to know if there’s a possibility for us or not.” If he’s as caught off guard and freaked out as you’re implying, a direct conversation is needed to get those cards on the table. Don’t die wondering “what if?” That’s my advice.

u/everydayopportunist · 12h

This is so wild, I’m living for this drama! Seriously might need to pursue some similar gigs myself, apparently that’s where all the romance happens these days 😂

u/devilsadvocate · 11h

I’m sorry but I have to go against the grain here — please do NOT make a move or confess any feelings! This guy hired you for a very specific job under very specific pretenses. Catching real feels was not part of the deal at all. Selfishly throwing that at him out of the blue would be so unfair after he opened his home to you. I worry he could feel betrayed and violated even if he did secretly like you back.

My advice? Give it a few weeks, see if these feelings persist or if it was just a passing crush brought on by the intimacy you’ve found yourselves in. If it’s still intense after cooling off, then maybe consider looping him in. But don’t go nuclear until you're absolutely sure. You could risk imploding a good work situation and friendship over a temporary infatuation. Tread very lightly!

Reply to u/devilsadvocate · 10h

I’m with this take, OP shouldn’t jeopardize her living situation if her feelings might be fleeting. Taking a step back and giving it more time could provide clarity. It’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy.

The more prudent move is to wait until the “job” wraps up before considering opening that can of worms. If feelings persist minus the contrived closeness, she’ll know it's real. But springing it on the guy now seems wildly unfair and could blow up in her face.

r/AmITheAsshole

u/veganGOAT · 15h

AITA for turning down my fake girlfriend after she admitted feelings, only to want her back days later?

I think I may have tremendously fucked up in a spectacularly messy way. Let me walk you through the tangled web I’ve woven ...

A couple months ago, I (39M) hired this woman to essentially move into my apartment and pretend to be my new girlfriend. I know it sounds batshit crazy … but I was trying to make my ex-best friend/neighbor jealous after a bitter falling out between us.

She was the perfect partner for this ruse — sarcastic and spunky, with a hint of unhinged energy. We bonded instantly over bottles of wine and throwing deliciously overblown “loud sex” performances in the hallway to drive my ex-friend nuts. What was meant to be a transaction quickly bloomed into a legitimately fun, effortless friendship.

Soon after, we started having real sex. It sort of just … happened, albeit very awkwardly at first. Like “well this is weird, want to try it for real just to see?” And what do you know, we had insane chemistry between the sheets too! We were soon sleeping together nearly every night, always swearing afterwards that it was “just for fun” and didn’t mean anything more.

But I started catching feelings. She was hilarious, confident, beautiful — everything I could ever want in a partner. We had connected on a deeper level through the medium of batshit pettiness. And our physical intimacy only amplified that bond.

Cut to a couple weeks ago. We had just finished a particularly athletic round and were cuddled up, spent. Out of nowhere, she pipes up nervously: “Hey … I think I’m really falling for you. I don't want this to just be sex or games anymore. I want to really try being together.”

I froze. The words I had been longing to hear suddenly terrified me in that moment. My throat clenched up as a wave of panic crashed over me (yes, I’m well aware of how stupid this was in hindsight). After an agonizing pause, I managed to choke out: “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. This thing between us was only ever supposed to be fake. I don’t think of you that way.”

I could actually see her face crumble. She quickly mumbled “okay” and slid out of my bed, wrapping a sheet around herself to cover her dejection. I swear I heard muffled sobs through the wall once she was back in her guest room. I felt like a piece of shit.

The next few days were some of the most awkward, brutal tension I’ve ever experienced. She was now acting like a scorned woman just doing her job, no intimacy whatsoever. We could barely make eye contact.

It took seeing her so closed off, so cold, for me to realize how much I desperately missed her warmth, humor, friendship. How much I longed for the easy intimacy we once had, both emotional and physical. I tried a few times to apologize or explain myself, but she brushed me off — utterly walled off to protect herself.

After days of wrestling with my suppressed feelings, I realized that I was in love with this wonderful woman. Hiring her as a fake girlfriend was one of the best things I had ever done because it brought her into my life … and now I didn’t want to let her go. She was becoming my person, even if she had started out as a farce.

But here’s where I really need some impartial perspective — AITA for freezing up and rejecting her confession?

I didn’t meant to tank her feelings so callously. I think I just ... panicked in that moment. The idea of committing to a real relationship terrified me in ways I didn’t expect. My career keeps me constantly on the go, always jet-setting to the next thing. Could I really give a romance the time and energy it deserves right now?

Part of me also felt massively conflicted about the circumstances. I’m literally paying her to pretend to be my girlfriend as a sort of ongoing petty revenge. If I admitted I wanted to actually date her, wouldn't that blur consent lines in some messed up way? Like, is she just going along with it because she’s on the payroll?

I know these both sound like flimsy excuses, but they were very real fears racing through my mind in that moment. Fears that made me impulsively reject her, despite how utterly gone I was.

Now, days later, those same hangups don’t seem so insurmountable. Maybe she and I could make something work, travel schedules and all. And if she reciprocated feelings, it would be a starting point — not her just placating me for a check. We could rip up the old arrangement and start fresh.

But I haven’t confessed any of this to her yet out of gut-wrenching cowardice. She’s still giving me this cold, professional shoulder. I don’t know how to begin recanting my idiotic reaction and opening up about the REAL reasons I panicked — the commitment fears, the moral dilemma, all of it.

Part of me wonders if I even have the right to try and pursue things with her at this point? I absolutely shattered her feelings for my own hangups just days ago. AITA for potentially stringing her along further by trying to retroactively take it all back? Maybe I’ve missed my window and should just let this phase of my life be over before it gets even more painful and messy?

Ugh, I’m rambling now. The crux is — AITA for how I recklessly rejected her in that moment? Do I even have a right to try and make amends after that thunderous fumble? Or should I just take the L, chalk it up to collateral damage of being in the world’s most messy pseudo-relationship, and move on?

u/juryofone · 14h

YTA, but only because you handled the initial rejection in the worst way possible. Your reasons for hesitating are somewhat understandable. But you really dropped the ball in communicating that to her in the moment.

Instead of calmly explaining where your headspace was at, you just blurted out a kneejerk rejection that crushed her feelings. No wonder she went ice cold — that had to sting like hell! If you had taken a breath and talked it through with more nuance, maybe you could’ve reached an understanding.

The good news is, you’ve now realized how much you DO want this woman in your life as more than a pretend romance. I don’t think you’re an AH for having those feelings or wanting to pursue her again, provided you make a sincere, thoughtful effort to apologize for your tactless approach before.

My advice? Explain the real reasons you froze up, how torn you felt over everything, and make it clear you still have feelings. But lead with a heartfelt apology for how horribly you botched it at first. If she’s willing to give you one more chance after that, DO NOT blow it.

Reply to u/juryofone · 13h

I agree with this take. He’s not an AH for the situation, but majorly the AH for the WAY he handled rejecting her. That had to sting badly after putting herself out there. The mature thing is to own up to that and properly communicate where his head was at.

Reply to u/juryofone · 12h

Yeah, going straight for “I can’t do that, I don’t think of you that way” after she bared her soul was so harsh and unnecessary. He could have let her down wayyyy more gently if he was that conflicted about it all. She must’ve felt like a fool!

u/neutralpartier · 11h

NAH — I get that you panicked in the heat of the moment and why this whole situation is heavy with ethical quandaries. The reality is, you two started off pretending but real feelings developed, and that’s okay! It happens. The moral issue only remains if you knowingly took advantage of or manipulated her feelings while she was on your payroll. Since you seem just as confused as she was, I don’t think any lines were really crossed.

The way forward is to rip off the bandaid once and for all. If you have mutual feelings now, figure out if you want to date as equals. If not, it’s time to part ways amicably while you both still can. But don’t keep paying her while catching feels — THAT would make you an AH.

u/glasshalfempty · 10h

ESH ... look, you suck for how you handled rejecting her confession. That was really hurtful and avoidant no matter your internal struggles. She sucks for going into this thinking it was all pretend, catching real feelings, and expecting you to want to be serious too. You PAID her to be your fake GF and made that clear.

My suggestion is to have an honest discussion about whether you can BOTH separate the transactions from reality. If you’re both all-in on trying for real, great! But one of you is going to get burned if expectations don’t align. And please, for the love of god, stop paying her!

Reply to u/glasshalfempty · 9h

This is exactly what I was thinking too! Way too messy ethically to keep paying her as the lines blur between fantasy job and real romance. Either take the plunge and date properly or go separate ways for good.

Reply to u/glasshalfempty · 8h

Agree but like ... is this even real? How does someone end up hiring a fake girlfriend to make their former best friend jealous? That alone sounds like a bad romcom plot.

u/criticaloverthinker · 7h

I’m calling cap on this whole wild story. Childhood besties turned feuding enemies living in the same building? A fake girlfriend who moves in as part of an elaborate revenge plan? It’s all too unbelievable.

u/struggling-with-reddit · 6h

I’ll play along and rate, but no way is this post legit lol. Having a fake girlfriend you eventually catch feelings for while pranking your neighbor? What’s next, one of you is actually royalty or a secret millionaire? Too much happening here.

Reply to u/struggling-with-reddit · 5h

Hahaha I know right, the excessive details and backstory gave it away as creative writing practice or something. No judgment from me, it was an entertaining read at least!

u/struggling-with-reddit · 4h

Next thing you know, OP will be claiming he’s Michael Schumacher or something 😂

r/AmITheAsshole

u/veganGOAT · 8h

UPDATE — I’m the idiot who rejected then realized I loved my fake girlfriend … and she took me back!

When I made my initial post a bit over a month ago about this whole fake girlfriend situation, most of you understandably called it outrageously far-fetched.

Which, fair. How does someone actually end up hiring a woman to fake date them just to make their neighbor jealous? It does sound ripped straight from a Nicholas Sparks fever dream.

Well put on your straight jackets, because this ridiculous saga is 100% real. And I’ve got an update that’s even crazier than the original tale ...

After reading the feedback on my initial post (and getting a whole lot of shit from some friends too), it became crystal clear that I had to make things right. I put her through the emotional wringer by callously rejecting her in the moment, when her feelings were just as tangled up as mine were. I owed her a sincere apology and a proper explanation of why I froze — with no more deflections or excuses.

So I wrote her a long letter. I laid it all out there. How torn I felt about the ethical and emotional complexities of our arrangement. How her vulnerability awoke my own fears about commitment, my transient lifestyle, and whether I could realistically be the partner she deserved. Mostly, I repeatedly owned up to being a thoughtless prick who shattered her trust out of pure pathetic self-preservation.

But above all, I made one thing clear — despite my bumbling, I had fallen for her too. Completely and utterly. She had cracked through my defenses and healing her hurt became the only thing that mattered.

I ended the letter by owning up to the fact that she now held all the power. While she had moved into this arrangement under certain pretenses, I had violated that implied contract. The ball was entirely in her court now. I would abide by whatever decision she landed on — friendship, an amicable parting of ways, or taking the terrifying gamble of trying to make this the real deal.

When she emerged from her room the next morning, I could barely look at her. I was a sweaty, nauseated wreck, steeling myself for the worst. She sat down next to me in silence and unleashed the longest, most blistering dressing down of my life. How I had made her feel so small, so foolish, so painfully vulnerable. Words like “coward” and “asshole” were thrown around. But you know what phrase stung most?

“I wish you had told me all of this up front instead of dealing with it like a child. I could’ve understood where you were coming from.”

It was a dagger — she was absolutely right. My dumb automatic rejection utterly betrayed the openness and intimacy we had built. Still, she didn’t dismiss me entirely. She would need some time to think, but asked that I stand by for an answer.

The limbo period was … not fun.

After four excruciating days, she came to me again. This time, she was almost shy, like her old self. She told me she had thought it over extensively, and ultimately my explanation and full-hearted apology won her over. I may be an idiot, an asshole, and a bit of a mess (her words), but I was an honest idiot with a good heart under all the bravado. And that’s what had drawn her to me in the first place.

So with the understanding that we would both need to work on our communication skills and respective hang-ups, she was in. We would press the reset button altogether, end our old arrangement, and try to make this relationship happen for real — messy origins be damned.

That was exactly a month ago today, and things have never been better. Sure, we still lean into some harmless (and vaguely unhinged) pettiness with my former friend from time to time. Some habits are too fun to quit cold turkey. But ultimately, I’ve never been so grateful for the insane set of circumstances that brought this amazing woman into my life. We may have started as an acting exercise, but we took a leap together into something beautifully real.

And yeah, I still have to hear shit from literally everyone about how our romance origin story is the most unbelievable meet-cute of all time. But I’ve learned to lean into the absurdity. After all, what’s life without a little chaos and a perfect partner to share in the pandemonium?

Thanks to everyone who offered candid advice on my original post. You may have received an update sooner if not for all the people accusing me of faking it! All I can say is … this is my blissfully ridiculous reality now.

u/juryofone · 7h

Well hot damn, I have to hand it to you — this saga is even wilder than the original post let on! I went from being totally skeptical of the whole outrageous situation to being fully invested in this insane romance. Love that she put you through the wringer a bit before taking you back. You absolutely deserved that and more after treating her like you did.

But huge props to you for manning up with that apology and giving her the power to make the next move. That vulnerability and respect for her feelings despite your own doubts is what true partnership is all about. I have a feeling you two chaotic bastards are going to be just fine as a real couple now that all the crazy pretenses have been stripped away. Wishing you both nothing but more pandemonium and pettiness together!

u/neutralpartier · 7h

I’m officially obsessed with this love story. You went from hiring a woman off to punk your neighbor, to breaking her heart over catching feelings, to doing the MOST to grovel your way back into her good graces, to ACTUALLY SUCCEEDING. It’s romcom gold! I need this to get optioned for a movie immediately.

u/glasshalffull · 6h

As wild as this story has been from start to finish, this update has me straight up emotional! The groveling, the way you explained your fears, her roasting you for days before mercifully taking you back … my heart. Love that she cut straight through the bullshit by calling you an idiot AND acknowledging your good heart. That’s the ideal balance.

I’m so invested in this nonsense and need regular updates on how things progress from here. You better not blow it after all this chaos or I’ll be leading the charge to vandalize your apartment!

u/romanticempath · 5h

What a journey! To go from manufacturing a fake relationship purely for petty vengeance, to developing REAL emotional stakes, to breaking each other's hearts quite viscerally, to finding your way back together through sheer vulnerability? Incredible stuff.

I laughed, cried (a little, don’t judge), and cringed throughout this entire saga. Thank you for bringing us all along for the insane roller coaster. I wish nothing but ridiculous happiness for you and her moving forward!

u/fairytaledreamer · 4h

I’m sorry but I still can’t get over the fact that this is somehow a real series of events? You’re a madman and this is truly unhinged (but also incredible). How did ALL of this unfold before your 40s?

Romcoms have been put to bed. Welcome to 2024, where people actually hire fake GFs to get revenge on their scorned former friends, develop legit attachment issues, torpedo everything in a panic, grovel for redemption fit for cinematic history, and somehow STILL end up together in some sort of demented happily ever after!

All I can say is cherish the chaos you've manifested. I can’t wait to see what bonkers plotlines await the two you. Start recording everything for the biopic!

Reply to u/fairytaledreamer · 3h

“Cherish the chaos” is absolutely the perfect sign off for this update. I’m deceased at this whole wild drama, but also soooo invested! Cannot wait for the inevitable Netflix mini series. Thanks for the laughs, drama, and emotional whiplash!

r/offmychest

u/NotBritneySpears · 21h

My ex-bestie’s wedding to his obnoxious girlfriend was a nightmare … and so was their wedding night (unfortunately)

You’ll have to bear with me on this one, because I’m still reeling a bit from one of the most cringey, uncomfortable, and downright baffling weekends of my entire life. I need to get this off my chest before I have a full mental breakdown.

A couple years ago, I made a post venting about my former best friend’s new girlfriend at the time. For those who missed the saga, she was an insufferably loud woman who seemed to take immense pleasure in loudly narrating her sex life with my former friend right outside my apartment door. It was psychological warfare, plain and simple.

Well, I’m sure you can all see where this is going based on the title. Against all odds and reason, this woman and my ex-friend somehow stuck it out … until he put a ring on it last year. Which leads me to the first in a cascading series of mind-numbing events — receiving a wedding invitation from the happy couple!

Now, let’s be clear — I have not spoken to my former best friend in almost a decade at this point. Not since our cataclysmic falling out (a story for another day). We were thick as thieves until our bond was shattered beyond repair. For him to invite me to his wedding with the woman who crudely mocked their intimacy for my benefit was … certainly a choice.

On one hand, why on EARTH would you invite the person whose heart you deliberately stomped on so many years ago? It felt like a cruel joke, rubbing salt in an open wound that never fully healed. A reminder of their domestic bliss and my bitter ostracism.

Yet on the other hand, maybe there was a subconscious part of me that would have felt insulted if he didn’t invite me after so many shared years? As if he had utterly erased me from his life without a second thought? The thought gut punched me too in an admittedly unhealthy way.

Long story short, I RSVP’d yes … half out of morbid curiosity and half out of a deeply unwell desire to not get excluded from such a significant life event. In hindsight, a foolish decision that kicked off a horrifically uncomfortable series of events.

The wedding itself was … a lot. An over-the-top spectacle at an insanely expensive venue. My miserable self stuck out like a sore thumb surrounded by all the adoring couple’s friends and family. I sat through mushy vows reaffirming their “unlikely origin” in the “most unexpected yet fortuitous way” … while trying not to puke.

So yeah, sheer cringe start to finish. Little did I know the worst discomfort was yet to come!

In perhaps the most on-brand grand gesture of the entire weekend, the groom rented out an entire boutique hotel for all out-of-town guests to stay at after the reception. That way we could all keep the party going nearby before he whisked his new bride off to parts unknown on their honeymoon the next day.

Ever the gracious host with a penchant for the spectacle, he let wedding guests draw for their room assignments out of an actual top hat. I somehow managed to get seated right next to his parents who, while cordial enough, knew me as the ex-best friend responsible for so much fractured history.

But wait, there’s more! Wouldn’t you know, the universe is supremely messed up because I ended up with the room directly underneath the newlywed suite. Yes … I spent their wedding night listening to a live-streamed porn broadcast courtesy of the paper-thin walls and floors.

Dolphin sounds didn’t even BEGIN to cover the unholy noises raining down from above around 2am. I’m talking full-on screams of unbridled passion echoing off the walls at maximum volume. Mind you, this woman had become infamous for over-enunciating their coitus for my benefit previously. Now it was a frighteningly real-life rendition that no noise-cancelling headphones could drown out.

I finally had to flee my room to the lobby. I ended up crashing on one of the lobby couches until an employee politely asked me to leave around 6am. Disheveled, disoriented, and officially diagnosed with PTSD from the sounds I cannot unhear.

So yeah … not exactly a therapeutic reunion that could have allowed my ex-friend and I to bury the hatchet. If anything, this wedding was one massive “screw you” that opened up all the same unresolved wounds. I need about 20 years of intensive therapy to move on.

I also need to find a new place to live because I can’t bear returning to that cursed apartment building.

u/chronicgossiper · 18h

Dude, I think you need to get some serious perspective here. Your ex-friend getting married and going on a honeymoon has absolutely zero to do with you. That level of self-centeredness is off the charts.

Why in the world would this guy plan an entire wedding — one of the biggest days of his life — around secretly tormenting you again over ancient history? That makes no sense. He invited you as a polite gesture after years apart, probably hoping to start burying the hatchet. The room assignments were random by your own admission.

As for the … “noises” … look, they were on their wedding night. Maybe overenthusiastic, but 100% to be expected between newlyweds. It’s not some psychological ploy, just poor planning on their part for thin walls. You’re projecting like crazy if you think that was directed at you specifically.

At a certain point, you have to realize the universe doesn’t actually revolve around your grudges or history with this person. They’ve clearly moved on to live their best life. It’s on you to stop obsessing over them and do the same.

Reply to u/chronicgossiper · 16h

I agree, this is just pure paranoia from OP. No newly wedded couple is sitting around thinking “how can we sneakily stick it to your ex-best friend during our wedding festivities?” That’s deranged thinking.

They invited you to be polite, you drew an unlucky room assignment near their suite, and then biology happened on their wedding night. Hilarious and awkward coincidence? Yes. Intricately designed fuck you from the bride and groom? Come on now, that’s giving them way too much credit.

u/NotBritneySpears · 13h

Maybe you all have a point, and I am still holding onto way too much resentment and baggage from our falling out. My intention wasn’t to imply they orchestrated an elaborate sting operation around their wedding. More just a general sense that the universe has a funny way of reminding me about them at highly inconvenient times over the years.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 12h

Even that line of thinking is incredibly self-centered though. Why would random coincidences or them just … living their lives be the “universe’s way of reminding you” about your failed friendship? That makes it sound like they should perpetually be walking on eggshells and avoiding certain life events just because you can’t get over the past.

Look, it sucks that things fell apart so badly between you two. But they have clearly moved on, as you should too. This obsessive framing of their marriage as some universal affront to you is … not healthy, my dude.

u/nosyandproud · 10h

The wedding itself sounds like it was in poor taste for sure, so I can certainly understand feeling aggravated and triggered being there as the scorned former friend.

That said … you’re borrowing A LOT of trouble by assuming any of their private wedding night activities were purposely being broadcast to you specifically. Projection level 1000 there.

At the end of the day, these people have built a whole entire life and future together now that quite literally has nothing to do with you anymore. You looking for “signs” that they’re still fixated on you is just self-involvement. For your own mental health, you have to let go of whatever happened and see them as background characters in the story of your life now.

u/realitychecker · 7h

OP, you need to take a step back and realize that the sheer logistics involved in purposely torturing you at their wedding are just not plausible. Do you really think they were like:

“Alright honey, for our wedding night I was thinking we should make sure your former friend gets the room directly below ours! That way when we really get after it, he’ll be able to hear every excruciating moan and body smacking sound in haunting detail! That’ll show him for being your friend a decade ago! Mwahaha!”

Come on, mate. That’s delusional cartoon villain level scheming you’re attributing to them. Occam's Razor — they just wanted to consummate their marriage in privacy and didn’t account for the thin hotel walls. The world doesn’t actually revolve around your history with this!

Reply to u/realitychecker · 5h

Lmaooo the idea of them sitting around strategizing the most psychological warfare possible on their wedding night is killing me. “Yes honey, we simply MUST reenact scenes from our noisiest adult films for your ex-best friend’s terrible pleasure!”

u/buildingbridges

OP, it seems like you really miss having your friend in your life if I’m reading between the lines here. Getting invested to this level over random coincidences at his wedding doesn’t come from a place of hatred, but hurt and longing for that bond again.

My advice? Use this weekend as a wake-up call to stop obsessing, reflect on whatever caused your rift, and decide if you want to properly reconnect. If not, you need to rip that band-aid off for good and stop torturing yourself over what will never be again. Or the walls between you two will just get thinner and thinner ...

r/ask

u/amateurdetective · 15h

I think these juicy Reddit posts actually interconnect … but I need your help cracking the code

I think I’ve stumbled onto something wild here and I need the Reddit hive mind to help me piece this tangled web together. Are you ready for some batshit conspiracy-level connecting of barely-there dots? Too bad, I’m going in anyway.

So, over the past few years, I kept seeing these extremely juicy, dramatically-written posts pop up every few months that seemed … oddly interconnected despite being in different subreddits.

Hear me out:

First there was the unhinged post in r/offmychest from a guy ranting about his former best friend’s obnoxious new girlfriend. Dude was griping about how this woman would loudly recount the smutty details of her sex life with the ex-friend whenever she was in his general vicinity, seemingly just to mess with the OP. We’re talking legitimately disturbing stuff about feeling “psychologically tortured” by her oversharing.

Fast forward a few months and I stumble across a wild post in r/relationships from the perspective of this same “obnoxious” girlfriend! Except her story painted a whole different, unhinged picture — she was hired on FACEBOOK MARKETPLACE by the former friend to literally move in and fake date him as part of an ongoing revenge plot against the OP from the first post. She rapidly develops legitimate feelings for the guy and it becomes a messy will-they-won’t-they romcom situation.

But THEN there was a follow-up post from the fake boyfriend’s side in r/AmITheAsshole about him realizing he caught feelings too before nearly blowing it, followed by another saga-capping update about them deciding to pursue a real relationship against all odds and absurdity.

Are you seeing the parallels here? These three posters each gave one side of an absolute dumpster fire of a convoluted love triangle situation that seemingly intersected. And based on the intricate backstories, my crackpot theory is they all emanated from the same formerly tight friend group that experienced a bitter falling out.

The insane attention to detail, literary flair, and geometry of it all almost had me utterly convinced these were all fictionalized creative writing exercises posted separately across Reddit … but building on the same unhinged storylines each step of the way.

I’m utterly obsessed with mapping this all out into one cohesive narrative now. My working theory is something like this:

Some guy hired an actress to pose as his fake GF and torment his former friend as revenge for some past betrayal

The two fake partners rapidly caught real feelings amid the ruse, he panics and nearly torpedoes it

Meanwhile, the ex-best friend is losing his mind overhearing the fake girlfriend’s loud performances and comes to Reddit for advice, not realizing it’s all a ploy

After a saga of miscommunication, the fake boyfriend comes clean and the couple decide to actually date for real

Capping things off, the former friend is forced to attend their wedding where he’s subjected to one final night of unholy noises

Does it all track? Or have I completely unraveled the conspiracy and stumbled onto a drastically personal set of circumstances being workshopped on Reddit? If so, that’s some ludicrously elaborate storytelling!

I need to know if I’m onto something here or completely off my rocker. If the former, I’ll burn every last calorie mapping out a master record of events across all the posts. If the latter … someone needs to drop their juicy fanfic writing prompts because these were WILDLY entertaining reads.

Help me connect these dots or point me towards any other potentially linked tales! This has been a public service aneurysm brought to you by pure boredom.

u/scepeticbynature · 14h

Wow, you’ve gone full Sherlock Holmes with this. I’m dying at how insanely detailed your working theory is in tying together these random Reddit posts into one cohesive narrative. This is either a brilliant piece of performance art … or you need your meds adjusted, my friend.

Reply to u/scepticbynature · 12h

Hahaha exactly! The amount of time and brain power OP has devoted to mapping this out is beyond obsessive. I don’t know whether to applaud the commitment to the bit or get them professional help.

u/amateurdetective · 10h

I’m sorry, did you actually read through the posts in question? The intersecting pieces of random, elaborate backstory between all three distinct voices is way too specific and layered for it to be an accidental alignment. There are unambiguous throughlines about:

A pair of feuding former childhood best friends

One hiring a woman off Facebook to pose as his fake GF and torment the other as revenge

Said fake relationship descending into a very real emotional entanglement for both parties

The eventual fallout of the ex-friend having to bear witnessing the real couple’s wedding and chaos that followed

Like that’s such a bizarrely specific plot keeping consistent across three different users’ lenses! So you’re either pointing out the artistry of someone doing an incredibly elaborate creative writing exercise across multiple subs … or these people are just leading unbelievably unhinged lives. And part of me hopes it’s the latter? It’s too batshit crazy not to be true!

Reply to u/amateurdetective · 9h

Or, and hear me out … it’s all an internal dialogue you’re having with your numerous Reddit personalities to work out your own unresolved relationship issues. We’re all just incredibly intricate fragments of your aching psyche!

u/opinionatedtruther · 7h

Lmao you are both nuts, but I have to side with OP on this one. The chances of these being all interconnected fabricated stories is way too perfect to be an accident. All the tiny threads and recurring backstories/character details woven between wildly different subreddit posts? That’s not a coincidence.

I could buy it maybe being some extended Reddit fanfic experiment between a couple of redditors seeing who can craft more engaging characters and drama while world-building off each other’s plot threads. Like a weird form of collabing through the confined lens of Reddit posts. It would be pretty genius if so.

But for it to be entirely real with all the coinciding details scattered across entirely unrelated posts like that? I’m sorry, but there’s just no way. That’s beyond the scope of believability for me. OP may be bungling the conspiracy, but they’re onto something for sure!

u/amateurdetective · 6h

THANK YOU, someone gets it! And to answer your other theory … while I can’t 100% rule out some sort of viral Reddit fanfic experiment, I struggle to believe even the most creative writers would be capable of improvising THAT intricately interconnected of a storyline stream-of-consciousness style like that.

Like each voice and perspective they inhabit remains remarkably consistent across such wildly different contexts (relationship drama, life events, ethical debates, and updates). It would take incredible skill to stay in the headspaces of these distinct individuals and keep their personalities/plot orbits from tangling into an incomprehensible mess. While possible, it seems incredibly unlikely.

That’s what has me believing there’s a remarkable kernel of stranger-than-fiction truth at the heart of this whole saga being teased out piece-by-piece. Or again … I’ve finally been gaslit into being a tin foil hatter of beautiful Reddit fantasies. Either way I’m here for it!

Reply to u/amateurdetective · 3h

All I have to say is please touch some grass and post to r/creativewriting instead 🙄

1K notes · View notes

breathinlove · 9 months

Text

band!ellie 2 headcanons and smau

read this

sinopse: ellie williams is the lead singer in a band (+some texts with her).

cw: nsfw after the texts with warning! swearing, explicit, reader works in a record store and ellie's a simp, not explicit if reader is fem or masc.

part 1

band!ellie who made it unbelievable for dina and jesse to believe she found her girl, but then they met you.

“this shit's cringe as fuck, but you two are sweet…” jesse starts and dina immediately agrees. “yeah, she's perfect for you, el.” “i knowwwww, i need her.” jumping like a teenage girl fr...

band!ellie who sometimes thinks her bandmates like you way too much.

“invite y/n to the next rehearsal too for real.” jesse says after you leave a rehearsal you went to. “okay man i get it, she's amazing.” with an annoyed expression. “so… invite her.” dina chuckles. “no, i don't want any of you jumping on my girl.” but she does invite you anyway.

band!ellie who's so stupid tbh, she's gonna sign girls’ tits after concerts and act all oblivious when you swerve her kisses.

and swerving her is so fun istg, she's gonna try like 4 times before she's upset. UPSET! (she will go non verbal).

band!ellie who's the type to perform and glance at you like you're about to have sex right that instant (u will, after the concert tho!).

band!ellie who's a singer herself but turns on the tv and pretends to be the weeknd for you.

band!ellie who wishes she could rap… actually, no. she thinks she can.

"that was... something." you smirk and she scoffs, throwing herself on the couch she was standing on, mic in hand. "i'm literally in my rapper era but whatever, you'll see." and you're full on laughing. "don't laugh." and you come hug her and say she's so so special.

band!ellie who makes it so you can't open x (twitter) without seeing girls mourning your girlfriend… she's alive not single tho!

band!ellie who's always late for everything, but she tries her best istg. you and the band are TIREDDD.

band!ellie who's nervous about pda… but she likes it, showing everyone you're hers and she's yours.

band!ellie who made a slideshow about how you should move into her apartment… that was kinda like:

“REASONS FRRRR 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯

ALL OF THEM 🤣

we're literally soulmates so we gotta be roommates too???

countless sleepovers omg i'm crying!

i'll never be late again (kinda😬)

we can get a pet tg 😯

i'll get to listen to u sing in the shower more and you know i like hearing you and singing with you while im in the toilet or even outside the bathroom

passionate lesbian sex before sleeping, after eating, doing the dishes, the laundry ALL THE TIME

i love you the most and i want you close all the time

you love me back (i hope) so you gotta want me close too

i want you as my wife asap

think about it, thanks and please my love ❤️”

you moved in… weak mf but can anyone blame you??

band!ellie who loves cooking with you for friends and family when they come over. just loves being with you in general but even house chores are better with you??

band!ellie who comes to disturb see you at your job, your bosses hate her and said they were gonna stop selling their album 😒 (they actually love her).

band!ellie who switches from your serious cool rockstar girlfriend to your silly baby girlfriend in a second.

band!ellie who reposts them and comments under edits fans make of you, even more than her own edits.

“that's my baby so stop gawking.(jk)” “whats her @” “id repost but my gf would be jealous, shes hot asf 🤤🤤” “THAT'S MY GIRL” “creamed💔” "straight to the y/n folder" someone said “ellie cant handle allat” and she replied fr “true, she the one handling me 💯💢” SHE HAS NO CHILL...

band!ellie who pays the same attention to potential hate you'd get, she will block them… don't talk about her girl.

nsfw (cw: cunnilingus [e and r!receiving], fingering [e and r!receiving]. switch!ellie!!!!).

band!ellie who treats you like a star

you were supposed to be in the shower but ellie saw you stripping out of your clothes and she has to ask to kiss your clit, dropping to her knees. her fingers bruising your thighs and shes eating you out as if she'd been starving. you cum but she's not satisfied yet, she pulls you down on the bedroom carpet with her "give me another one, please." hands roaming your skin ever so softly, sending shivers down your body. she asks what you want, the position, how many fingers, she just needs to please you. and now she's on top of you, pounding you with her fingers and pressing down your lower stomach because she just wants you to cum again.

band!ellie who loves sleepy sex

she's gonna be in bed with you, almost asleep asking you for kisses, then for some touches... and you end up between her legs, sloppy nasty head and some slow fingering. your lips around her clit and kissing her pussy lips and slit and your fingers in and out her pussy. she's whining and squealing, playing with her own tits and caressing ur face. you're humming against her pussy and she's clenches "let go for me, ellie..." you coo and she squirts on your mouth and fingers. soft pants leaving her lips, soon stopping with her caresses on your face as you lick her cum. you look up, hair messy against the pillow and eyes closed. "i love you..." she mutters after you clean her and lay next to her "i love you." you spoon her.

a/n: this is kinda shitty but it's for who asked for more! @kyleeservopoulos @sameenatruther @harrysslutsstuff

#ellie williams #ellie x reader #ellie williams x reader #ellie tlou2 #ellie williams smut #ellie williams x female reader #ellie x fem reader #lover girl!ellie #ellie imagine #ellie x masc reader #rockstar!ellie #ellie williams headcanons #ellie williams smau #ellie williams hcs

2K notes · View notes

zorosimpclub · 7 months

Text

My Brother's Best friend (001) – Geto Suguru

⊹˚. ♡ Summary: You have always been in love with your brother’s best friend (who also happens to be his roommate) – does he even feel the same way or does he view you just as Gojo's little sister? It doesn’t matter because your brother made it very clear to him that you were off limits since you're his precious little sister… But were you really off limits?

⊹˚. ♡ Content: 18+ only, MDNI – fem!reader, eventual smut, brother's best friend trope, this will be a multi-chapter series!

⊹˚. ♡ Word count: 2.8k

Geto leaned back on the sofa and let out a loud yawn, “Why are you here all the time? Don’t you have your own place?”

You grinned a little. It’s true, you did have you own place but you were always at your brother’s place, which just so happened to be Geto’s place.

“What? I’m just here to spend some quality time with my brother, what’s it to you?”

Okay, you were really only there for your long term crush, Geto but you couldn’t tell him that. Besides, with you constantly bickering like actual siblings, you were pretty sure that he only viewed you as his buddy’s little sister. Nothing more. At least he never really gave you any reason to think that he liked you more than that.

He rolled his eyes playfully, “You’re annoying as hell. You need to get a boyfriend asap so that you stop dropping by so often.”

“Satoru, Suguru is being mean again.” You clung onto Gojo, whining to him.

You weren’t a spoiled little sister, but it was funny to get Gojo to tell him off, even if he often just feigned anger at him. It was your little thing. You would rile Geto up, Geto would say something mean (playfully of course), and then you’d snitch to your brother. Then you’d all just sit there and laugh.

“Cut it out Suguru, don’t bully my precious lil’ sis.” He said flatly but grinned at Geto, shaking his head at both your antics.

Geto sighed, idly flicking through the TV channels. Why was there nothing interesting on? He couldn’t handle having to pretend like he didn’t have the hots for his buddy’s little sister – being around you was pure torture.

“Just don’t get in my way or annoy me when you’re here or you’ll regret it.”

“Oo you gonna spank me, Suguru?”

You burst out laughing, causing Gojo to fake vomit at the thought of his little sister and best friend getting it on

Geto’s eyes narrowed as he lunged for you, a look of feigned rage on his perfectly sculpted face. But all he does is grab you by the waist and lift you up, as if you were an annoying rag doll.

“You little shit! I’ll just throw you in the trash where you belong!”

You doubled in laughter in a mocking way, “Oh no, I’m so scared!”

Geto shook his as he kept you in in his grasp but couldn’t keep a straight face for much longer. Soon enough, he broke down laughing with you. Gojo grinned at the two and went back to scrolling on his phone. This was the norm after all, the touching didn’t bother him much since you play fought with Geto all the time, for years. For years. Sigh.

Your phone rang, disrupting your laughter, “Hey? Oh, Utahime….Yeah? A date? I don’t know, I’ll get back to you on that?” You glanced briefly at Geto who looked a little tense but seemed sucked into whatever was on the TV.

Tapping the ‘end call’ button, you leaned back on the sofa in silence.

Gojo perked up from your side curious as to who you were being set up with (because he’s your nosy, over protective brother) “Oh? Someone wants to date you? Who is it?”

You shrugged slightly, not wanting to make it into a big deal, “That was Utahime, saying something about how she wanted to set me up on a blind date.”

“And you said yes?” Geto asked flatly, still looking at the screen as if he wasn’t really interested.

“I mean, it’s been a while since I’ve gotten laid so maybe.”

Geto did a double take, his eyes narrowing slightly but only slightly – he was careful not to show the jealousy he felt of you potentially going out on a random blind date. He couldn’t.

“A while since you’ve what, now?”

You snickered, an amused smirk gracing your perfect plush lips, “Been to pound town. Got railed. Had sex.”

Gojo let out a fake shrill scream, looking horrified, “As your brother I don’t wanna hear about your sex life.”

You could have sworn Geto blushed a little but he quickly covered it up with a bored expression, “Is that all you think about?”

Grinning from ear to ear, you tucked your hair behind your ears, “C’mon you guys go on dates all the time to fuck, how is this different? Just learning from my role models.”

He looked a little surprised, staying quiet for a bit as if he was choosing the right words to say. Tell me not to go. Come on, anything. Tell me you need me.

“Just… make sure you’re safe.”

Your heart sank a little. Of course. What else did you expect. There’s no way he sees you as anything other than Satoru’s little sister. You felt a little sad but you forced a grin like you always did.

“Yes mum, I’ll use protection.”

Gojo gagged and got up, walking towards his room, “Alright, I can’t take this anymore. I’m gonna’ go take a nap.”

You and Geto both looked at each other for a silent moment and burst out laughing, it was so funny getting under Gojo’s skin. Whenever you wanted some alone time with Geto, you’d just be crass so that your brother gets disgusted and leaves you alone with him, unable to handle any words coming out of your mouth. You were ‘ruining sex’ for him (his words).

Geto shifted a little in his seat, now painfully aware of the fact that you and his were alone in the living room. “Why are you so… open about your sexual experiences?”

You shrugged, not seeing the issue. It’s not like you talking like this was a new development, you didn’t know why he was acting awkward about it but shook it off.

“Why not?”

“I thought women like to keep things like that a secret… especially from other men.”

You thought about it for a moment. True. Some did, some didn’t. Maybe it was weird to be sharing this with someone who you practically grew up with.

“You’re not just other men though.”

He looked a little surprised and then his gaze softened slightly, which caught you off guard – he had never looked at you like that in all the years you’ve known him.

You grinned a little, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like what?” He asked, as if he hadn’t been looking at you like you were the most precious thing to ever walk into his life.

“Nothin’ must just be my imagination.” There was a brief, comfortable silence as you took in his features, “What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Ya know? Dating. You went on that date with that brunette haired chick the other day, right? How’d it go?”

He looked away for a second, but then looked back at you. You’d known about a few of the dates he’d been going on with various women. And it wasn’t even like he liked these women, part of him was hoping that if he dated enough of them, he’d eventually feel something for them.

“I mean, she was cute. The date was nice enough. She was just a little clingy when she wanted to see me again after we, you know.”

“Suguru, you’re such a dog, you sleep with them and then don’t call them huh?” You shook your head in disapproval, trying not to seem hurt by the fact that he was sleeping with all of these random women.

He chuckled a little, ”What’s with the judgement all of a sudden? We’re both adults here. I’m just enjoying myself.”

“Not judging. You’re just like Satoru, you guys are really two peas in a pod.” You chuckled too, to keep it lighthearted.

“You really think I’m like Satoru?” He sounded a little offended that you had just said that.

“Hmm, big bro is a proud player, I don’t think you try to be one but you do cycle through a lot of women.”

Geto huffs, turning away from you and crossing his arms in the process as if he was offended. The way he saw it, it was his business how many people he slept with. But you were right, it was true that he tended to cycle through women. Maybe you had a point…

“Whatever. I’m just living it up, like any guy should be.”

You grinned, a grin that made his heart wrench - he was so in love with you but because you were his best friend’s younger sister, you was off limits. “Sure, if that brings your joy.”

Geto looked back over at you. The way you spoke to him with that soft, teasing look on your face made his heart sink. He was beginning to wonder if maybe his dating was just to fill the void that was inside of him. Maybe he needed to find someone he could connect with on a deeper level. He wanted that person to be you, but he knew you couldn’t be. Satoru would kill him if he got within five feet of his little sister like that. He shivered at the thought.

“Like you’re any better…”

You chuckled and feigned hurt, “I don’t cycle through that many guys you know.”

“Are you sure about that? I’ve heard some pretty interesting rumors about you.”

You let out a hearty laugh as you leaned back on the couch, “Pray do tell, what are these rumours Sugu?”

His heart fluttered whenever you called him that, it’s wrong of him to want you so much but he couldn’t help it. How was he supposed to think of something witty to say when you were making him feel warm and fuzzy inside?

“Oh, you know. Some people have been talking about all of the hot dates you’ve been on. A bit of a flirt. That kind of thing.”

“Mhm…” You grinned cheekily at him, “And how is that any different from you?”

Geto grimaced, looking away. You weren’t wrong really. He was just as promiscuous as you. The only way he was different was that he had zero interest in actually having a deep connection with the women he dated. It was just about the sex, the physical aspect of relationships. A temporary distraction.

“Besides, at least I try to get to know the guy… it’s not my fault it doesn’t work out.” You sighed, staring off into space.

He looked over at you again, curiously scanning your face. His stomach dropped when he saw the look in your eyes, he almost felt guilty. He knew that you had a thing for him for years now but he pretended to be oblivious as to not mess with the dynamics of the friendship. Plus he couldn’t risk losing his best friend, Satoru was just too important to him. You deserved to find someone you could connect with in that way, but he never planned on being that person to you.

Feeling his gaze on you, you look back to him and smile slightly but the smile just doesn’t reach your eyes. He felt an urge to reach out and hold your face. He wanted to caress your cheeks, tell you that he loved you and that he wanted to be that person for you. To kiss you. To hold you. But he didn’t, of course.

Instead, he just smiled back at you, “Maybe you just need to date different kinds of guys then…”

“Hm. Maybe.”

But you knew that wasn’t going to work, since the once you desperately craved and wanted was him. You ached to be with him, be in his arms… no one could ever give you butterflies the same way he does.

Geto can sense it. How badly you wanted him. His breath hitched and the smile that once adorned his beautiful face faded. A flicker of pain crossed his face, as this feeling of not being able to be with you and the realisation that you would always be forever out of his reach hurt like hell.

You opened your mouth to say something but nothing came out. You sat there with your lips parted, staring into his eyes so lovingly, that they did all the talking. All the words you didn’t dare to utter out loud, your eyes said them for you.

His heart beat a few extra times as he stared into your eyes, looking just as deeply into them as you were. He didn’t need any words, he just knew what was running through your head and his heart wrenched for a second time that evening.

Gojo yawned from the door frame of the living room and trudged towards them, “Damn, that was a good nap. What’d I miss?”

Geto broke eye contact with you immediately, feeling as though he had been caught. His eyes darted towards Gojo and he just shrugged his shoulders.

“Nothing much, just the little one being a menace.”

You faked grin and stared at Gojo, it hurt you whenever he referred to you as ‘little one’ or ‘kid’, “Nothing. We were just talking about how Suguru cycles through women like you.”

Geto rolled his eyes at you, “Shut up.”

Gojo laughed as he plopped down next to Geto, “Hey, ain’t nothing wrong with that, aren’t I right Suguru?” He lazily flung his arm around his shoulder, flashing him a grin.

“Right.”

You shook your head, wrinkling your nose in fake disgust, “The least you can do is not be pigs about it – ghosting women you slept with, really? I swear you guys are the worst.”

“If we’re the worst, I gotta know who the best is.” Geto retorted, eyeing you up a little.

“Me, obviously.” You grinned, your eyes gleaming from the banter.

This time, you really did make him really laugh. Your cockiness wasn’t that bad, actually. He found that it was sometimes even endearing.

“You? The best? What’s so great about you?”

“What’s not great about me?” You puffed out your chest proudly, causing Geto flick your forehead with his fingers. “Hey!”

“Well… your personality kind of sucks.”

He smirked a little, the one you loved so much that it haunted your dreams. Oh, if things could just stay light and playful so that you can stay the hell away from those deep emotions that were threatening to bubble up out of you, that'd be great.

You stuck out your tongue playfully, “Hater.”

Gojo piped up from Geto side after typing on his phone, “Suguru, you ready to hit Sukuna’s for predrinks? Nanami is coming too.”

Geto groaned and sighed a little. Maybe one of these days, he would get to stay in this room and spend the evening with you, alone. But today was not that day. He sighed again and nodded his head.

“Yeah, fine… guess I’m ready. Just need to throw on a shirt.”

He would have rather stayed here with just you and Gojo, but he couldn’t deny that the pre drinks before club hopping would be fun too, especially since he needed to get you out of his head. Or fuck you out of his system. Not with you, of course. As fucked up as it sounded, he’d often approach women who reminded him of you height, frame, and hair colour wise in the club and would pretend that it was you when he was taking them from behind.

You took this opportunity to try your luck in going with them, “Hey! I wanna come!”

Gojo immediately shook his head sternly, “No way. I’m not taking my little sister to a place full of horny guys for pre drinks, let alone the club.”

Geto groaned quietly and rolled his eyes, feeling sympathy for you. It sucked that Gojo was so protective over you to the point where you never got to experience the things they did together. He had been to dozens of clubs filled with drunken, rowdy people and it couldn’t have been that bad, right?

“Come on… she’s an adult! What’s the harm? We’ll just keep an eye on her.”

“Satoru! I’m literally 25, why can’t you just let me tag along…” You jutted your bottom lip out and gave him puppy dog eyes, “Please?”

Geto couldn’t suppress a soft smile and felt himself melt just a little, seeing you like this.

Gojo thought about it for a bit and sighed, “You’re not coming to the pre drinks at Sukuna’s, just come directly to the club and bring Utahime or one of the other girls along. No buts. Take it or leave it.”

As much as you wanted to go out with them all night, this would have to be sufficient for now.

You nodded enthusiastically before scrunching your nose at the reflection in the blank TV screen. “Deal! I still need to get ready anyway so this works out well, I’ll text the girls!”

Gojo nodded and flung his arm around Geto, “Alright, we’re heading out to Sukuna’s now. Text me or Suguru when you guys get to the club ‘kay?”

next chapter ->

⊹˚. ♡ A/N: This is going to be a multi-chapter fanfic, which will have smut (the next chapter will be smutty so ;D) will most likely update it tomorrow

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sgiandubh · 3 months

Note

2023 or last week

That's not really matters', what is interesting is that Caitríona has a very high level of privacy in her movements or travels

She has a private life that is completely away from notice and attention, no press, no ordinary people, no fan who meets her by chance

Wow.. as if she had the invisibility power since 2019.

Dear Privacy Level Anon,

We're going to do things a bit differently, this time, with an audio answer. Nice to meet you, by the way:

For those who need a transcript, here goes:

'Your charade has very simple answers:

No Press? The Press would have to actually care or be sold a juicy tip/story, about that elusive B-lister who is such a compelling Claire Fraser (huh?) from Outlander ('wait a minute, that nice, secksay series around 2016, right?'). Press interest is, however, likely to immediately jump up, the minute she lands a better PR team and/or a part in a really relevant cinema project. Let's see what those two next movies bring, Anon.

No Ordinary People? Imagine you're Jane Doe (aka, an Ordinary Person), traveling from 🛫 London to 🛬Bangkok. Upon arrival at 🏯Suvarnabhumi Airport , while waiting in line for the notoriously looooong passport control (full profile pic included), you spot C (or S, or C and S, or C and S and Boos 1, 2, 3... 554). They vaguely remind you of someone. That someone could be anyone from a) your cousin Matilda's co-worker you have been briefly introduced to, three years ago; b) someone who looks like your homeland's host of 'Who Wants To Be a Millionaire' TV show (totally random example, here); c) someone who looks like that actress you once saw in that TV series which name you can't really remember. Ultimately, the fact that you are unable to put a name on that face really irritates you. Your feet hurt, you are sleepy, grumpy and you need to go to the bathroom ASAP (🚨🚨🚨🚨). Meanwhile, S and C kiss, Boo #456 is as unhappy as you and wants his blankie. Did I mention you need to use the 🚻 (somewhere far away from 🛃) ASAP? S and C 💋💋💋💋 some more. YOU NEED TO USE THAT TOILET AND YOU'RE STUCK IN THAT STUPID LINE. Boo #433 wants their mommy's attention NOW (🥹🍼🤦‍♀️), so you sympathize a bit ('what a cute 👶, just like his/her parents') but you are really focused on your 🧻problem. By the time you dragged your 🧳to the 🚕 area, in the thick, humid heat at Arrivals, you'd have forgotten everything about it, but remember every single second of your Passport Control Ordeal.

No Fan? Outside of these Tumblr/X/Instagram jihadist pockets, no casual 🪭 would probably ask for a pic, provided they remember the name of the series (it is really poor taste to go for it and candidly tell her/them something like ' oooh, I remember you from The Last Kingdom, such a wonderful series'). Out of those who still go for it, I bet the farm:

85% keep The Nice Pic tucked in their iPhones and just randomly share at the next school bake sale/corporate teambuilding/ Rotary Club meeting with random people saying random things like 'oooh, she's nice, wait a minute, wasn't she in The Last Kingdom'?

10% foolishly post on X or Instagram, to be immediately greeted by The Fandom Vigilantes, courtesy of alerts installed on their own iPhones: 'where was it/ when was it/was she alone/yes? why?/no? why and with whom/ what did she say/ did she say anything/ why didn't she say anything'. If, by a very probable misfortune, what you have to dish out does not click with the Greeting Committee's agenda, expect to be: a) treated like a 5 year old idiot or a tortured POW ('was she alone...? was she alone...? are you sure she wasn't alone...? ARE YOU SURE SHE WASN'T ALONE? ANSWER ME, WAS SHE ALONE?'); b) Caitsplained she is married to someone else and what you saw is an optical illusion; c) perhaps even forced to adjust your own narrative (maybe that 6′ 3" Viking was Tony McGill, after all? 😵). You immediately regret posting it on your public Social Media accounts, erase the pic and go private. By the time you do it (12 hours from posting), it would have been dutifully screencapped, in a middle of a full blown Fandom Skirmish.

5% know what Tumblr actually is (at a minimum) and/or are actively involved in its Fandom Subset. The minute they post is the start of just another Nagasaki episode. The DM inbox will explode with a rich array of pleas/insults/more Caitsplaining. Comments will range from the ecstatic to the revoltingly vulgar. And remember (LOL for weeks):

The Fandom will eventually never forgive you for sharing.'

#anon #fandom #shitshow #weekly audio #Good morning Vietnam

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woodlandwizard77 · 2 months

Text

A Step by Step Guide to Losing Your D**k

I recently wrote a series of messages to my aunt talking about all the steps I need to do to get bottom surgery, a penile inversion vaginoplasty at Mt. Sinai, in the next year or two. Its a long list. And everytime I added something she had a sort of “wow thats rough” reaction, but to me its just the to do list. So I decided to write them all out.

Start transition DONE

Most insurance companies and surgeons require you to have socially transitioned and have done HRT for at least 1 year at the time of operation

For social transition, this was March of 2024

For HRT it will be January of 2025

Get a referral to a surgeon (I am here)

In my case, Mt. Sinai in Manhattan

My Doctor referred me, but Mt. Sinai takes self referrals

Start laser hair removal

Book a consultation (I am here)

Go to laser frequently enough to satisfy surgeon

Convince Mom and Dad to help out DONE

Get 2 letters

Social Worker (1)

PCP's Office

Social Worker (2)

Mt. Sinai

Get a gender affirmation loan through the local credit union

Work two weeks so I can take in pay stubs

Get a letter from anybody (probably my HRT prescriber

Meet with representative and either open a line of credit or take out a loan

Consultation with Mt. Sinai’s team

Wait 3-6 months (I’m here)

Bring letters

My insurance only requires 2, less than Mt. Sinai thinks insurance will need, and Mt. Sinai provides 1 of them. Meaning the other is through IHS Behavioral

Schedule Social Work pre surgical consult appt

Schedule Mental Health and Medical Clearance with Registrar

Go to NYC for 1-2 nights, maybe for each, hopefully just once

Maybe also for Social Work thing

Consult with Surgeon

Wait until I’ve worked about 12 months to get short term disability

Probably summer (ASAP) and when Mom has time off

Do logistics

Book an airbnb, hotel, etc for recovery

Starting a few days after OR date and lasting a little over a month

Within a 90 minute drive of Mt. Sinai

Rural enough that Mom is comfortable to help and can go home if someone else shows up

Probably New Jersey, maybe Hudson Valley

Has at least 1, preferably 2, separate bedrooms

Has 2 beds

Has ADA accessible entry

Has a kitchen

Has a full bath, preferably and a half

Has internet and preferably a TV

Lodging for Mom + Dad/care team while I’m in OR

Probably 5-7 days

Preferably with a 1-2 day buffer period before OR date (included in the 7 day estimate) so I can enjoy the city

Either within a short walk from Mt. Sinai or on the same subway line as Mt. Sinai

RW, 1, or ACE

Someone to help me get from recovery location to Mt. Sinai while not in NYC

Develop and get list of items needed for recovery

Dilator

Pads

Gowns/loose clothing

Comfort food

Coordinate missing 8-9 weeks of work

Take care with who knows what before I leave

Inform HR, department manager, and work friends whats up

Get cleared for surgery and get an OR date

Probably a 6-12 month date from clearance

Get pre clearance testing through PCP or a lab in hometown

Go to NYC for that if need be

Week Before Surgery

No alcohol, no aspirin, NSAIDs, herbal supplements, or fish oil

Consult for other non aspirin blood thinners (which I am not on)

No alcohol for 3 weeks after as well

Tylenol/Acetaminophen is okay

Go downstate

See friends from NYC?

Bring Mom/Dad?

Do something fun in Manhattan

Get a COVID test

Take an anti-bacterial bath

Day before surgery

Breakfast before 9am

Last meal

Drink Golytely bowel solution around noon

Chemically induced diarrhea

Clear fluids only after golytely

(includes coffee, tea, water, broth, some juices)

Nothing goes in the stomach after midnight

Some medication okay with a sip of water

HRT???

Get surgery (a penile inversion vaginoplasty)

1 to 1+½ days

I’ve heard of as long as three

3-5 day hospital stay

Mom and Dad probably stay in Manhattan then

Go to recovery location

Drive with seat reclined

Stay for 4 weeks, pretty much bedridden

Go to follow ups

Dilate

Go home

Continue recovery for another 2-4 weeks at home

Follow up with PCP

Return to life

#mtf girl #transgender #transfem #trans woman #srs #bottom surgery #mtf bottom surgery #transblr #transition journal #queer #lgbtq #lgbtqia #gender affirming care #gender affirming surgery

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euovennia · 2 years

Note

Okay hi hello I’ve just binged your platonic Simon x reader headcannons and as an aspec person I am absolutely EATING THIS SHIT UP - Simon deserves someone to lean on and seeing him be vulnerable and care for someone like that and who will do the same for him makes my heart melt.

however, I am also a hopeless romantic and an absolute sucker for pain and the thought of Ghost catching feelings and being completely unaware of them because he’s barely used to having a friend let alone a crush; only realising after y/n does something he’d usually find stupid only to find himself completely smitten over it and him just going “oh. oh nO” and queue the internal turmoil because he has no idea what tf to do with himself and god forbid if y/n actually likes him back-

This has been plaguing me all morning and I cannot act right so I had to share it :,)

this can be a read as part of the bff ghost series i have going on, but i see it more as a "what if" kinda thing bc i strongly believe this man just needs a good friend. thank you for requesting, and as always, i hope you enjoy <3

warnings: nothing comes to mind, but lmk if you see something that needs to be added and i'll do it asap!

summary: ghost panics when he realizes he likes you just a little too much.

anon you're so smart for this because i genuinely feel like friends to lovers is the the easiest way for simon to fall in love

like there's already a deep, established trust there (in terms of being on the battlefield)

i mean obviously because if there wasn't you wouldn't even be on the team in the first place

but the trust he places in you on the field paired with the trust he has in you off the field?

i think it's safe to say that while this man doesn't realize it yet, he's already a goner

the meals you share, the low-budget hollywood action films you hate watch, and the unbelievable amount of patience he has for your shenanigans

basically, you two have become two peas in a pod (despite him not wanting to be in the pod in the first place but who cares he's your friend and that's all that matters)

and i genuinely believe of he were to start falling for one of his friends (aka you) it would be a very slow process, one that neither of you realize is even taking place

it would be the little things like you willingly making making the same dish two days in a row for your little meal times because he just likes it that much

maybe even leaning your head on his shoulder while you two watch those bad action films because, deep down, he loves knowing you trust him enough to feel so comfortable with him (bonus points if you end up falling asleep)

ordering him his favorite brand of loose leaf tea that he can never seem to find anywhere on store shelves

god forbid you memorize the way he prepares his tea and randomly show up with a steaming mug of it at random times of the day

as i said before, it's the little things that do it for him

but imagine doing all of those things on the. same. day.

you know he woke up extra early to help price take care of some paperwork and while he's doing that you stroll in a mug of tea

then later on when you see him for lunch he finds you made two plates of bangers and mash (sausages and mashed potatoes, it's a british thing apparently) despite having it the day before and when he asks why you just say something like, "yesterday you said you wished you could have more, figured i'd make more"

then later in the evening when everyone's retired to their rooms, you walk into his with the all too familiar box of loose-leaf tea in your hands along with a blanket

you just kinda set the box on the bedside table before dragging him to sit on the floor in front of the tv the two of you snuck into his room one night after price banned them after soap broke his and he was the one who had to clean up the mess

he totally saw you two sneak it in but never bothered to say anything because he trusts you

anyway

you flick on the tv and put on the third installment of that god awful 'sharknado' movie series you two had found out was a thing not too long ago

and all is well

until you lay your head on his shoulder and grab onto his arm as you look over his tattoos

he'll probably give you a little glance before turning his attention back to the movie, it's not uncommon for you to do things like this

but then he'll feel something cold press up against his skin and he'll look down again just to see you holding a colored marker and scribbling inside the lines of his tattoo

and as much as he wants to pull away and throw that marker to the other end of the room

he just can't bring himself to do it

not when you're pressed up against his side with your hands cradling his arm as if he was worthy of such care in the first place

obviously this night wouldn't be complete without you falling asleep against his shoulder, so that's exactly what you do

he lays you to sleep on his bed while he makes himself cozy on the floor :)

anyway cue him getting up early for his morning shower and the complete and utter shock that hits him like a truck when the marker you used the night prior to color in his tattoos doesn't wash off

he makes a bee line for his room and immediately picks up the marker you used only to find out it's sharpie

and while he knows that this would be a perfectly acceptable time for him to wake you up and chastise you for doing such a thing, he doesn't

because when he looks down at his arm he can practically feel his chest bloom with a warm, fuzzy feeling because you did that

and it's after he's stared at the colorful markings that now grace his skin does he realize he's got a small smile etched onto his face

then it hits him like a truck

he likes it because of you

he likes you

it cannot be overstated how quickly he grabs his stuff and leaves the room, not caring in the slightest that you're still wrapped up in his sheets

he doesn't do much work that day

just a lot of aimless walking around base as he tries to, in his words, get his shit together

because, in his mind, this is probably just about the stupidest thing he can do

and it's not even because he's technically your superior, that's a mess all on its own

it's the fact that either one of you could quite literally die at any given point while on a mission

and that's not even bringing up his own mountain of trust issues and insecurities

it's a mess

he's a mess

and how does he deal with this mess?

by avoiding you like the damn plague

you thought it was bad when he was trying to duck out of your pre-friendship interactions when you seemed to always be trying to find a way to bug him? think again.

he becomes practically invisible to you

his callsign isn't 'ghost' for no reason

i can honestly see it getting so bad to the point where you start to really only see him on group missions

which isn't too horrible admittedly because you always manage to squeeze in some small talk, but it's not enough

but one day, price calls the two of you into his office with laswell patiently sat waiting on a video chat over his laptop

and it's revealed that you two are being sent on a mission to gather some intel about some new terrorist group that's popped up on laswell's radar

and he just kinda sits there and accepts the fact he'll have to be paired up with you because what's he gonna do? tell laswell and price no? absolutely not

anyway

i imagine the mission going off without a hitch

i'm talking real simple, just a quick in and out before ghosts is on comms requesting an evac

that's where things go wrong

because you'll get some bullshit response like, "oh no, bad weather, can't fly like this, looks like you'll have to wait! get cozy!!"

and while you are a bit disappointed when he breaks the news, you can't help but feel a little happy because now you actually get to see and interact with simon for more than five minutes

but while you're over in your head having a small celebration over the unforeseen circumstances, simon is pretty much dreading it

he knows you know he's been avoiding you and he's 100% sure you're going to make him sit through an awkward conversation about it

and what's worse, he's certain you won't stop until he tells you why

well it's a good thing he knows how to keep his mouth shut!

at least he thought he did

because after having you ask him for the reason of his sudden avoidance of you for what he swears has to be the hundredth time, he just spits it out in a small fit of anger and annoyance

and i highly doubt he'll realize what he just said until he looks over to you after not getting a response and seeing you there with your eyes wide and jaw open

he'll definitely try to backtrack with something like, "forget what i said. you didn't hear anything."

and then your brain will finally kick in after going haywire for an unnecessarily long amount of time and you'll just kinda ask him in a small voice, "did you mean it?"

and as tempted as he is to brush you off and say no, he can't bring himself to do that

but remember, simon is still a very hurt man underneath that mask and heavy duty gear, so i can imagine him just letting out a small sigh before saying something along the lines of

"i'm sorry."

and your heart just breaks because you can practically feel the shame radiating from him as he turns himself away from you and averts his gaze to the floor

simon riley, perhaps one of the most hardened and strongest men you'll ever come to know, apologizing for the way he feels

you can't help but shuffle closer to him until you're sitting by his side

and you'll sit in silence this way for a while as he tries to ignore just how close you are while you try to find a gentle way to approach this

you're stumped

but eventually, your eyes will fall onto the floor and simon's gloved hand will come into your vision

and there's not a single thought in your mind before you're reaching out and putting your hand on top of his

the man practically malfunctions

he's sitting there, thoughts going a mile a minute as he tries to decipher what this means

but then you'll lean your head on his shoulder and he's almost startled at the way all of the noise in his head seems to just disappear

but still, he can't resist asking

"what now?"

and you'll let out a small, wistful sigh as you nuzzle your head further into his shoulder

"whatever we want."

he'll look down at you with an almost shy gaze, "and if i want you?"

and you'll interlace your fingers and punctuate it with a squeeze, "then you can have me."

and that's good enough for the both of you

at least until you get back to base

#call of duty #call of duty modern warfare 2 #cod mw2 #cod #mw2 #mw2 2022 #cod mw2 imagine #cod mw2 fanfic #task force 141 #task force 141 x reader #ghost #ghost x reader #simon riley #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #i will not apologize for the length this time around #i had things to say and so i said them #bless #:)

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cienie-isengardu · 1 year

Text

Cienie's Star Wars sidenotes

While doing research and writing down the last pieces of Funeral Rites of the Clone Troopers, it became even more clear how The Clone Wars animated TV series did a great disservice to Jedi, especially in the context of medical care for clones.

TCW has clone medics, both as part of combat units (e.g. Kix from 501st Legion) and working apparently in the medcentre as sometimes was presented on the screen.

The role of doctors treating wounded troopers was given to Kaminoans (Nala Se) and droids and sure, those two groups were part of the whole GAR’s medical system in the Legends too. However Jedi Healers (doctors), as far as I remember, were seen treating mainly other Jedi like Yoda

and even then TCW barely paid attention to force healing as an important skill.

The research about medical care for clones gives a pretty drastic idea of what was happening during and after battle which is understandable why the show destined for younger viewers didn’t go into full details about triage of wounded but considering how many dark themes were put in the same show, I dare to say not showing medical care provided by Jedi or common Republic doctors and nurses (who btw are a rare example of republic citizens conscripted into army during the war) actually is unfair. The show reduced one very important aspect of Jedi - they weren’t just generals and commanders either sending or leading troops into battle, they also provided medical help, whether they were specifically trained at healing or not.

In Legends, we could see Jedi Healers assisting the army on various occassions, working in triage area like in Republic comics series:

The triage unit, where Jedi healers labor to save the lives of the wounded, was set up safely behind the line of battle. But as the fortunes of war shift, so do the battlelines.

and worrying first about wounded even in the face of serious danger

Master Saa! We’re cut off! There’s no way to get the wounded out!

and searching for survivors

Master Saa is hurt! She pulled the trees on top of us for protection...

and working in hospitals

Follow me Skywalker. We have much healing to do. The Jedi sickbay, where we treat the most severe injuries. And our own, of course. Master Offee has saved countless lives. She seldom leaves her post to rest. But we all work long hours.

Not to mention the whole Medstar duology dedicated to padawan Bariss Offee, doctors and nurses serving in Republic mobile hospitals close to frontine - and yes, forever I’m gonna be bitter about how TCW/New Canon treated the most iconic Jedi Healer.

(The cover art for Medstar: Jedi Healer by Dave Seeley)

When padawan Skywalker arrived at New Holstice with his troops, he was immedialy called to assist in the nearest sickbay

“Are you injured, master Jedi?”

“Not really, no.”

“Good. You can make yourself useful by heading to the nearest sickbay. We need all the Jedi healers we can get...”

and for context, this is Anakin two days after after Jabiim, one of the worst war campaigns Republic experienced so far, the solely survivor of Jedi Pack traumatized both by the loss of his comrades and what happened on the planet and forced to make a devastating choice is literally told to get at work ASAP because every Jedi in between assignment was working here hard to heal the most wounded..

Though no healer himself, Anakin even force-healed injured trooper on battlefield to stop him going into shock:

Supporting the commando trooper with his left arm, Anakin warded off blaster bolts on the run. The rest of Squad Seven supplied cover, blowing STAPs out the sky with uninterrupted fire. Cody motioned everyone into a shallow irrigation trench just short of the mound. By the time Obi-Wan arrived, the troopers were deployed in a circle, and continuing to pour fire into the sky. Anakin slid into the trench a moment later, lowering the commando gently to the muddy slope. Squad Seven’s medical specialist crawled over, removing the commando’s ravaged utility belt and deeply dented helmet. [...]

The harvester’s pincers had crushed the armor into the commando’s abdomen. His skin was intact, but the bruising was severe. With only half the original army of 1.2 million in fighting shape, the life of every clone was vital. Blood and replacement organs - - what the regular troopers referred to as “spare parts” - - were readily available - - “easily requisitioned” - - but with the war reaching a crescendo, battlefield casualties were on the rise and treated as high priority.

“Not much I can do for him here,” the medspec told Anakin. “Maybe if we can get an FX-Seven air-dropped - - ”

“We don’t need a droid,” Anakin interrupted. Kneeling, he placed his hands on the injured commando’s abdomen and used a Jedi healing technique to keep the clone from going into deep shock. [Labyrinth Of Evil]

(and included request for evacuation of the wounded trooper when Cody called for artillery support)

In Republic comics series alone we could see Jedi showing concern for the wounded troopers at various moments, putting their well-being as priority:

or helping (healing) wounded enemies:

And I won't lie, it is frustrating how Legends, especially Republic comics series that had around 40 issues put so much pressure on Jedi Force healing and how Jedi care for wounded troopers while The Clone Wars (New Canon) that lasted for decade or so kinda ignored the issue? Which is unfair to Jedi and clones alike. The first are presented as less caring, at times indifferent? the latter deserved to have all the available medical help, not just Kaminoans and droids.

#star wars #jedi #jedi healers #clone troopers #legends vs new canon #anakin skywalker #luminara unduli #bariss offee #aayla secura #mace windu #i wil be bitter forever for how tcw treated bariss offee #i demand new canon to bring back the jedi force healing their troopers and wounded in general

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world0fmadness · 2 months

Text

BRUTAL

oscar piastri x black metal vocalist! reader

♡ general headcanons for you and oscar watching metalocalypse together!

୨୧ i started rewatching metalocalypse a couple nights ago, it always brings back so many good memories… i love this show so damn much <3

♡ related smau available here and related hc available here | view my formula 1 masterlist here

reading music recommendations: murmaider by dethklok - laser cannon death sentence by dethklok - deththeme by dethklok

♡ metalocalypse is another thing you introduced to oscar!

୨୧ he never really watched a lot of tv, especially not adult swim, before you guys got together so he’d never seen any of the seasons

♡ when you asked him if he’d ever watched it and he said no, you knew you had to change that ASAP! no man of yours could be living his life without ever having watched metalocalypse

୨୧ when you showed him the first episode, he was immediately a fan! it was exactly his kind of humour, even if he didn’t get all of the references to metal bands but he’d just ask you about them and let you explain as the credits roll

♡ you binged the entirety of season one that night with drinks by you side and some food in your lap, both of you chuckling under your breath at the jokes and bobbing your head to the music

୨୧ he wanted to go straight onto season two but you wanted sleep so you left it until the next day and as soon as he was awake it was like he was a kid on christmas morning, sitting up next to you in bed and waiting for you to fully wake up so you could watch it together

♡ you ended up watching ALL of the seasons with him that day and he’s so upset when you tell him there’s no more :(

୨୧ but thankfully they’re super rewatchable and sometimes he comes home just wanting to rewatch some metalocalypse with you

♡ honestly, i can see it kind of becoming a major comfort show for him!

୨୧ oscar un-ironically picked up nathan’s “ brutal ” but you can’t say much though because you picked up toki’s “ wowee ” so you’re both just nerds

♡ he says it SO much, in response to literally any good news or information! the amount of times he’s said it over the car radio to his team is bad

୨୧ when he saw the movie trailer get posted on twitter, he was away from you at the time, at some meeting with mclaren… he was practically shaking with excitement and no one at mclaren knew what the hell was wrong with him! when he could leave, he BOLTED out of the room, he needed to get home to you fast

♡ you had also seen it by the time he gets home and he has the fattest, most goofy smile on his face as he rushes over to you on the couch and starts excitedly talking to you about it, wanting to watch the trailer on the big screen

୨୧ when army of the doomstar does come out, he books the day off from everything! he doesn’t want anything interrupting this

♡ you go to a theatre to watch it together, him buying the best seats and way too many overpriced snacks <3 he’s beaming through the whole movie, holding your hand over the armrest, when it’s over and you’re driving home you’re both insane chatterboxes who can’t shut the fuck UP about how good it was…

୨୧ you guys NEVER skip the intro! the intro music is just too good to skip, you both wait it out and bob your heads or tap your fingers to the music, oscar sometimes sleepily mumbling the lyrics under his breath

♡ i mean, you guys think ALL of the music from the show is amazing, you have all of the albums on CD and oscar steals them to take to his drivers room all the time… he genuinely thinks they’re so smart, he especially loves the really extreme joke-y ones like duncan hills cofee jingle, he wishes store jingles were actually that fucking cool!

୨୧ he probably mumbles the lyrics to the duncan hills coffee jungle whilst making coffee, it’s just stuck in his head so bad! whenever he does it in mclaren hospitality, people walking past him look at him so strange

♡ oscar recommends metalocalypse to literally every driver on the grid and every worker in the paddock! he can’t believe how few of them have seen it…

୨୧ he probably managed to covert lewis and daniel into huge metalocalypse fans too

♡ daniel now says “ gmilf ” way too much…

୨୧ he just thinks it’s really fucking funny, his favourite character is absolutely skwisgar

♡ oscar’s favourite character is toki followed closely by pickles! he thinks just about everything toki does and says is so funny, even if it isn’t meant to be

୨୧ actually got super sad about what childhood for for toki was like…

♡ you guys absolutely went to the babyklok tour! the eras tour? we don’t know her… we only know the babyklok tour <3

#oscar piastri x reader #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #f1 headcanons #fluff headcanons #headcanons

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kichikichiko · 10 months

Note

Ok, so I hope I don’t make you uncomfortable with this request. If I do, just tell me!

Ok, and you do a SFW/Fluff of Wally Darling x Y/N who is pregnant (I don’t even think it’s possible that puppets can be pregnant but I guess roll with it 😅)

So, can you do headcannons on marriage + pregnancy (If you’re comfortable with writing that. I don’t know why I just think sense he’s in a kids tv show and is overall calm, I think he would be amazing with kids) gender of children/kids if there will be multiple are up to you, doesn’t really matter.

Also I think you would be cute if we got a small reaction from the neighbors of the marriage and or pregnancy! Like how would the whole neighborhood react to this?

Our little family

An: HI EVERYONE IM BACKKKK

I saw this cute request and literally could not resist I HAD TO!

I love reading n writing pregnancy related fics its so fun n fluffy UGH

Hope you like this liz! I totally agree with you. Wally would be good with kids no doubt

Synopsis: HC of Wally with a pregnant puppet reader!

Pairing: Wally Darling x AFAB reader

Cw: fluff, pregnancy, established relationship, reader is called mother @ the end, wally is probs OOC, defies all puppet logic known to mankind

──────•❥❥❥•──────

You and Wally Darling have always been Welcome Home's "it" couple, so imagine the happiness everyone felt when the two of you got married, and imagine the shock everyone felt when you got pregnant!

When you found out you're pregnant you couldn't contain your happiness

You had to tell Wally ASAP after he came back from Barnaby's place

You like knitting so you thought it'd be fun to surprise him with knitted baby clothes, so you got straight to work.

Wally came home at around 1 PM, right after lunch. "Darling I'm Home!"

"Over in the living room dear!" You called, and he made his way to the living room.

Seeing your giddy expression has become one he's used to, but Wally had a feeling that something was different "Darling, you seem really giddy today, did something happen?"

To his question you grinned wider "Im happy everyday with you dear, but I suppose you can say the reason as to why is..." trailing off you picked up the yellow knitted baby outfit you have finished in the morning

Wally couldnt believe it.

Mr. Darling had always been known to have the same expression no matter what, but hearing this news caused him to have his jaw dropped to the floor (quite literally)

Most people would take this as a bad sign, but you knew Wally better than that. You could tell all sorts of emotions and thoughts ran through his brain

"I'll be a father? This can't be happening!" "What a miracle!" "Ill be the best papa for my son or daughter... or both!" "Im so lucky" were just a few he manage to say to you before deciding to kiss you all over your face with his signature slow laugh.

All the other 8 neighbours were delighted to hear that youre pregnant! Thanks to Wally walking around and casually telling them of course.

Julie screamed with joy, hugging you jumping up and down (dangerously close to you) which caused your dear husband to kindly and gently, push and remind Julie to be more careful. To which she complied, causing you to giggle

Sally, a drama queen obviously giggled with joy as well, only she knew better than to hug you while jumping up and down. She promises to give your kid a show once they were old enough to understand.

Poppy was shocked and happy for you and wally, so much so the bird started baking you a cake as a congratulations. She promised you that if you ever had any cravings, just give her a call and she'll be more than happy to bake you something!

Frank was delighted to say the least, despite his face not showing it. You knew he cared. And Frank being Frank, gave you heads up on pregnancy, what to avoid eating, what to do when feeling contractions, letting you know the size of your baby etc. This is his love language, info dumping. He will come and visit Home whenever you need him. As he is Welcome Home's book worm.

Howdy was very delighted. Gave you a pat on the back as well as a hearty laugh. Howdy started stocking up on baby items like pacifiers, diapers and baby toys just for you in the shop

Eddie of course, was just as happy as the other members of Welcome Home. Being the Mailman, he told you that once your belly grows big and you can no longer walk, he'd be happy to deliver your mails and or deliver things to you.

It was delightful having so many wonderful and kind neighbours all around you! And having a wonderful husband made your pregnancy journey fairly easy despite its occasional ups and downs throughout the 9 months.

BONUS:

Once your daughter came into the world, everyone was in awe and took care of her like the niece they never knew they needed!

Wally was obviously a fantastic father, and you were a fantastic mother

When your daughter is old enough, he'd teach her how to paint and they'd go on father daughter dates around the neighbourhood. Painting all they can see and proudly showing their work to you once they get back

Wally would read your daughter bedtime stories to help her sleep

Maybe even throughout the day as well

Waddles up to her father and shows him a book

"Oh? Whats this my sweet peach?" He'd startd "you want papa to read you this book?"

With a gleeful nod she'd get on her tippy toes and give Wally a full clear view on the book

"My sweets its not even bedtime yet are you sure you dont want to save this for tonight?"

He ends up reading it to her anyways

His daughter is his greatest weakness

It made you feel at ease knowing that your daughter is surrounded by kind and loving people <333

──────•❥❥❥•──────

REQUESTS

Masterlist here!

#wally darling x y/n #wally darling fanfic #wally darling x reader #wally x reader #wally darling #julie joyful #frank frankly #howdy pillar #welcome home x reader #welcome home fanfic #kichifanficsfw

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gadriezmannsgirl · 10 months

Text

Nine days a little too late💀 but here's Pedri's birthday fic!🎉 also not me inspiring this fic with the quesillo and torta de auyama I helped my mom do last week🤭 also I'm sorry if this is a bit shitty I need to get back into writing ASAP😭😭 Please let me know your thoughts on this one😭😌

Warnings: Spanish swearing, lots of mentions of sweets (?), Pepi is whipped for reader, I didn't revise this so bare with me😭 let me know if there's any grammar mistake pls also it's a bit shitty, sorry😭😭😭

A New Diet - P.G8

Summary: Your love for sweets eventually brings you to the guy of your dreams

You didn't remembered when you started loving sweets so much, maybe you had it in you since you were little or maybe it was when you first got your period, only a big amount of chocolate could calm down your anxiety; maybe it was after watching bake-off TV shows, you didn't knew when but you did knew that you loved sweets and you also loved making them.

You tried your grandma's recipes, your aunt's, your mom's, the ones you find in internet, the ones you find in magazines and eventually you started adding your own "sparkle" into them, mixing random ingredients, taking off some while adding other ones.

It was that much that your parents got you into a course on baking and pastry-making. You loved it and got a certificate for it, one you felt truly proud of and even marked it to put it on your small living room of your new house.

You had recently moved to Barcelona to finish your degree in veterinary medicine and also to achieve your baking dream, you only had some months in your new house but you loved it, even through the rough patches of not knowing anyone in here.

Well... you did met some people and weren't so lonely now and those people were your mates from Uni and your neighbours which were mostly older people but two lovely and funny brothers who you often talk to when the three of you get out of your houses at the same time.

"¡Bienvenida al vecindario!" (welcome to the neighborhood) They had said once you opened your door making you smile

"Soy Fernando, puedes llamarme Fer and he's my brother Pedro but you can call him Pedri" (I'm Fernando but you can call me Fer) The guy next to him smiled and waved at you lightly

"Hola y muchas gracias. I'm Y/N" You replied softly with a smile on

"Un placer, Y/N. We brought this little gift as a welcome. Hope you like it" (It's a pleasure) Pedri extended a small food container with a smile on

"Thanks! What it is?"

"They're croquetas. Family recipe" Fer explained "I made them and I hope you like them"

"Well, they smell incredible so..." Both brothers laughed lightly and you joined them "I'm pretty sure I'll love them"

"Let us know!" You nodded with a smile

"Pues nada, bienvenida, somos tus vecinos, aquella casa de la esquina es la nuestra y nada... Si necesitas algo, estaremos encantados en ayudarte" (And well, welcome; we're your neighbours, the house at the corner is ours and yeah... If you need something, we'll be happy to help you) Pedri said. He's so pretty, you thought.

You smiled nodding "Muchas gracias e igualmente. Si necesitan algo y está a mi alcance pues estaré encantada en ayudarles" (Thank you so much and likewise. If you need something and it's within my reach then I'll be happy to help)

"Thanks" Fer smiled and they started walking away

"Let us know if you like the croquettes!" Pedri yelled and you laughed softly

You remembered your first meeting when you saw both brothers walk towards their house joking around as you were taking out the trash and suddenly realized that was already four months ago.

They waved at you and you waved back with a smile on your face.

You returned inside your house and settled everything up to do your quesillo, you had your period and everything you wanted was something sweet to ease your anxiety and pain.

Turning up your music, you blasted Rosalía, Karol G and some Taylor Swift while you happily made your quesillo, forgetting about everything. However being too into your own world, you didn't realized you did for more people than you were supposed to do.

"Oh fuck" You cursed lightly "What do I do now?" You asked yourself.

As much as you loved sweets, this was a big portion since you basically duplicated the recipe that originally is for 6-7 people, you didn't wanted for it to go to waste.

Your parents weren't in Barcelona and neither was your brother to give them some quesillo. You could give some to your friends and still a big portion will be left.

You closed your eyes groaning and your mind went to the González brothers.

Would they even like it? Would they accept it? You groaned again and your body acted before you could even think straight.

You went around and looked for a food container to give them some quesillo to them when you suddenly saw their food container. The one you forgot to give back because of your Uni and work.

Now you, at least, had a good excuse to give them the sweet.

Preparing yourself mentally you walked over to their house and knocked on their door only for a few minutes later, Pedri to open the door with a pretty smile on his face.

"Y/N! How are you?" You nodded a bit nervous. You were truly hoping for Fernando, to open the door like he always does.

"I'm good, what about you?" He nods

"I'm great! Tell me, what can I do for you?"

"I-mm... I'm actually here because I did this quesillo and I had some problems calculating the ingredients, turns out I did more than usual and I don't want it to go to waste so I was just wondering if you guys would like some?"

Pedri spent a few seconds in silence and those were the worst seconds for you.

"Sure, yes!"

"Perfect!" You pull the food container towards him "And also, sorry I didn't give it back right away. I'm pretty busy with my finals and with work too" He laughs softly grabbing it

"No te preocupes" (No worries) He winked and you felt like instantly dying right there.

"I hope you guys like it. Let me know how is it!"

"Will do! Thank you so much!" Pedri smiled and you waved walking away, he got inside his house and exhaled looking at the sweet in his hands.

It smells divine. He thought softly.

"Was it Y/N?" Fer yelled from the living room

"Yes!"

"Did you ask her out?"

"No"

"And what did you do then?" Fer asked impressed

"She came by to give us a quesillo"

"Joder, increíble" (Fuck, amazing) Fer inmediately said standing up and taking then food container out of Pedri's hands "All for me" He sang quietly

Pedri lamented not being able to eat it, as soon as he saw the quesillo his mouth watered "Puta madre" Pedri cursed as Fer laughed watching his younger brother leave the room.

One month and half later, Pedri was tired of watching the amount of sweets in his refrigerator and not being able to eat a single piece of them. Thanks to Fernando, you have been doing random pastries, cakes, muffins for you and for them, it made you happy knowing people liked your baking and felt on Cloud 9 once Fer exclaimed you could have your own succeful bakery.

Pedri didn't know how much he has resisted to it but he's sure it won't last long and even more when you were once again stood in front of the González brothers house, with a pumpkin cake in your hands.

"I swear this wasn't suppossed to happen. My aunt asked my help for my cousin's birthday but I overdid the recipe once again and I have this small pumpkin cake-"

"I'm pretty sure it's delicious, thank you Y/N" He smiled grabbing the cake from your hands. Pedri shakily opened his mouth to speak "So... How's-" Your phone ringed

"Shoot. I'm sorry I need to leave, I had these muffins on the oven but let me know if you like them!"

"Do you need help?"

"I-uh... I kinda do but no worries I can do it on my own! You might be busy as well and I don't want to interrupt anything"

"Nonsense" Pedri said "Gimme just a quick second to put this in the kitchen and I'll be right back"

True to his word, Pedri was back to you in mere seconds. You both walked to your house

"Make yourself at home" You had said smiling. "Are you a good kitchen assistant?"

"Bueno, que se me ha pasado decirte que soy un poco lento pero que soy un asistente de cocina decente" (Well, I kinda forgot to tell you I'm a bit slow but I'm a decent cooking assistant) You laughed softly at his words

"That's okay. Esos son los mejores" (Those are the best) You replied "I used to be like that and even worse" You giggled softly

"Practice makes a master" You nod agreeing with him "So... What's my job?" You smile starting to explain him what you need help with.

°°° °°°

"I hope your aunt is paying you for this" You laugh at Pedri's words before you looked over at him and found him with his face (and some of his hair) dirty with flour, you couldn't help but laugh harder. "¿Qué?" (What?) He asks with a small smile

"You have some flour in your face" You clean your hands with a towel ", you look funny" you admit softly

"Ah but that's normal. You do as well" You share a laugh

"You want something to drink? I'm about to make me some coffee"

"No bebo café" (I don't drink coffee)

"Really?" You asked impressed "Maybe some tea?" Pedri shook his head "Juice? Water?"

"Those two can do" You smile nodding starting to work on your coffee and on his drink.

"I also have some cheesecake from Monday. You want a bit?"

Pedri's body froze, he hasn't broke his diet, it takes a lot of willpower for him to quietly leave the room his brother's eating in to your baking.

And he also didn't wanted to make you feel bad for saying no.

"I'm not that hungry actually" He hated the fact, his heart hurt him when he saw how your face fell a bit. And without knowing, yours did too a little bit "I'm sorry, I-"

"No worries, that's okay!" You said smiling softly

"No, you know what? I'll accept it"

"If you don't want it, it's okay" You giggled softly to not make him feel pressured

"I want to" He smiled at you "Now... I'm waiting for my slice of cheesecake"

This time, both of your hearts beat strongly at the sight of each others smile.

°°° °°°

"Joder, you're whipped" Fer said shaking his head

"I'm not!"

"You fell so easily into it!"

"I don't think she realized it but she gave me this pout and her eyes dropped, I couldn't watch her like that!"

"Si, hermano. You're whipped"

"Puta madre" Pedri cursed "Now I have to do double session" He said getting ready for his morning training

"Don't overwork yourself, Pedrito"

"Don't call me that!"

"Ask her out already!" Fer laughed watching his brother get out of their house

"¡Cállate" (Shut up!)

Pedri did wanted to ask you out but he was afraid of your answer, he just didn't knew if you liked him in that way and he didn't wanted to make things awkward between you two.

But as if it was something of destiny you were going out of your house with a backpack. You were going to Uni.

Pedri quickly got into his car and started it, to stop in front of your house. "Need a ride, señorita?" (Miss)

"Yes, please. I'm way too late" You smiled and he laughed nodding his head for you to get inside. "Buenos dias" (Good morning) You said leaning forward to hug him "¿Qué tal todo?" (How's everything?) He nods smiling

"¿Tu que tal? ¿Acaso se te han pegado las sábanas el día de hoy?" (How about you? Didn't wanted to get out of the bed?) He joked and you lightly groaned

"I was up all night studying for this exam, it's worth about the 35% of the whole grade and I'm freaking nervous" You admited ", plus, I kinda forgot to set up my alarm so that's the reason I'm looking like a mad woman and I didn't had time to revise my notes" You huff "But let's say I'm good"

"Don't stress so much about it, I know you'll do fine and you'll smash this exam" Pedri reasured you with a smile

"You have a lot of faith in me"

"Que eres muy inteligente, guapa. A veces te subestimas demasiado" (You're very smart, beautiful. Sometimes you underestimate yourself so much)

"I just get really nervous, I've never failed any of my classes and I have this scholarship so I have to be the best of the best"

"And you are. Stop stressing so much, you'll get wrinkles" You blush and laugh shaking your head

The rest of the drive was spent with you talking of random things and listening to the whole "Un Verano Sin Ti" album by Bad Bunny

"Thanks for the ride, Pedrito. You just saved my life" You both hugged each other over the console

"Anytime, Y/N" He smiled watching you pick your things and leave his car. Before you got inside the building, three car honks stopped you. As you turned around you saw Pedri still there and looking at you

You went back to him "What's up?" You said leaning into the drivers window

"Are you free this weekend?"

You nod lightly "I am... why?"

"Wanna go out with me?" You were shocked hearing those words came out of his mouth but at the same time, you were so happy

"Sure, I'd love that" You smiled and he smiled back

"Perfect, I'll text you so we can talk about it" You nod once more

"Good, nos vemos Pepi" (See you)

"Nos vemos, guapa" (See you, beautiful) You blushed once again and separated yourself from his car, turning around you went inside the building

You were walking to your exam when you felt your phone vibrate and saw a text from Pedri

Pedro G: Por cierto, estás muy mona cuando te sonrojas (By the way, you're pretty cute when you blush)

You smile and giggle shaking your head at your phone, replying with a small Sush🙈

And with that you entered with confidence into the classroom

°°° °°°

Two months later

"Estás muy guapa el día de hoy" (You're looking gorgeous today) Your now, boyfriend of one month said looking at you with a smile

"You're exaggerating. I'm covered in eggs and onions"

"Still very guapa" He gave you a small kiss to your lips before entering inside your house "Need help with something?"

"I've got it covered, lindo. Thanks tho" You smiled washing your hands before getting into what you were doing "What are we watching today?"

"Creed?" You think of it for a few seconds and then nod lightly

"Only because we saw Me Before You last week" He laughs softly

"What are you doing?" His arms wrapped themselves around your waist and Pedri brought you into him

"I'm cooking for my brother's date tomorrow night"

"You sure you don't need help?" He kissed your cheek and you smiled resting against him

"I'm almost done, give me just a few minutes and then I'm yours"

"Can I at least do the popcorns?" You smile nodding

"Top left shelf"

A few minutes passed and you finished what you were doing. You wrapped the food and pulled it in a food container into the refrigerator as Pedri was munching on some popcorn

"You will not leave for the movie"

"There are a lot" He brushed off your comment while putting some in front of your mouth

"They're good, baby" Pedri nodded

"I know, I'm the best"

"Oh shut up, come on"

"Amor, do you like football?" He asked out of nowhere as you got the movie ready

"I'm not much into it, to be honest. Why?"

"Would you like to come with me and Fer to a match?"

"Will you teach me every single thing of football so I don't look like a foreign?" He laughs nodding

"Of course" You smiled at each other

"Then sounds good" You nod happy "What are you doing tomorrow, amor?" You ask him

"Nothing important, why?"

"Can you accompany me tomorrow to get some copies I need to get done for Uni?"

"Sure. What time, amor?"

"Maybe around 2pm?"

"I'll be here" Pedri nodded "Shall we start?" You don't say anything but click on the start bottom before you cuddled up to him

°°° °°°

"Hey Fer"

"Y/N!" He said excited hugging you "How are you? My brother has kidnapped you" You blush lightly

"I'm doing well, dear. How about you?"

"Good, good!" He smiled "How can I help you?"

"Is Pedri here? He's supposed to accompany me to do something right now" He shakes his head

"He's in training right now"

"He's training?" Fer nods "For what?"

"This weekend's match"

"What match?"

"Football match?" He asked back confused

"He's playing?" He nods

"He's a football player, Y/N/N" You were confused

"Right, yes, of course!" You said "Well, thanks Fer and sorry the bother!" You jogged back to your house

You instantly went to your phone and searched for Pedri González, to your surprise a photo of your boyfriend came up along with the name of FC Barcelona. Your boyfriend is a FC Barcelona player.

Copies can wait, you decided, Pedri had somethings to explain. And that he did, as soon as he got to your house. You let him know that the door was unlocked and that you'll be waiting for him.

"Amor, I'm sorry, I got caught up on-"

"Pedro "Pedri" González López, is a Spanish professional footballer who plays as a midfielder for La Liga FC Barcelona and the Spain NT" You read from your phone as soon as you see him coming to the living room "And then there's a picture of a guy who looks just like you" You look at him serious "Why didn't you told me that?"

" I can explain that to you"

"Please do"

Pedri sighed "I didn't tell you because I wanted you to like me for me, for Pedri not because of Pedri the football player from Club Barcelona" He sighs "It's not often when I don't have people trying to get my attention just because of fame or money. I'm just a simple guy living his dream and I want for everyone to treat me like that. I liked you from the moment I knew you and when I saw you didn't even recognized me for being Pedri the football player and cared for just Pedri, I wanted to keep that going and protect you from that world. You're my safe space"

"Pedri, I don't really care if you're famous or not and you know that"

"I know and I was eventually going to tell you this weekend after you see me playing" He winces now thinking of his idea "It might not be my best idea but I truly wanted to tell you because I like to think that we can have a long road together ahead of us"

"You're trying to get your way out of this with sweet words" He laughs softly

"I don't. That's what I truly think" you stayed silent for a few minutes

"You have some other secret I should know about?"

"No" He said shaking his head. You smiled and went to him kissing his lips

"Don't lie or hide things from me again, please. I think the same way but I want us to be honest with each other" Pedri nods

"Will do" Pedri smiles leaning down to kiss your lips

"Would you teach me some football right now?" Pedri nods smiling wide

"Let's go, bonita"

"But before that... Wanna have some chocolate muffins?"

Pedri secretly winced before nodding "Not one, not two... give me three of those"

He couldn't break his diet but for you he would.

°°° °°°

"So..." You begin "How do I look?" You turn around with your boyfriend's name on your back

"Gorgeous" That's what he said smiling "The eight looks really good on you" You smile turning to face him with blush covering your cheeks "In fact, everything looks good on you"

"Well, wish I could say the same" He opens his mouth in disbelief.

"I can't believe it" You laugh kissing his cheeks

"Vamos, amor. You are needed" You grab his hand and led him through the door "Hopefully you win tonight 'cus I made a winning cake for you" He laughs

"We will win" Pedri says "But we also know that winning or not, I will eat it" You smile nodding "Let's go to Montjuic!"

You both got into the car and Pedri drove off, it's your first time in a stadium, so you were pretty nervous.

"Call me or Fer. He told me he's already here" You nod taking in Pedri's words. "If you need anything let him know"

"I will" You said smiling "Go ahead and score some goals"

"They'll be for you" You blush and push him lightly for him to start walking

"Go. I'll be fine" with doubts Pedri started walking away only for him to walk back to you and kiss you softly before out of nowhere, leaving you in the hall.

You followed his intructions and soon you were in the yards along with the fans. Your eyes scanned the crowd and quickly divised Fer.

"Hey" You say getting closer to him

"Hey! Happy to see you here!"

"Happy to be here!" You hug

"You know what this match means?"

"Pedri told me something among the lines of El Clásico?" Fer nods

"Our worst rival RMA" You nod lightly

"Yeah, he told me those small things as well"

"Did he told you a fight could break out?" Your eyes widen and you cough

"No! Will he be-?"

"He'll be fine as long as the problem isn't with him. A small fact? It never is"

The tension could be felt in the air, you didn't have any idea what could happen. But you did knew the ones with the blue and red shirt were the ones your boyfriend played for and you were going to yell at everything they do.

Match started and it was already rough some players fouling you guys and the ref said nothing. You were complaining the whole 1st time about that while Fer laughed and maybe even recorded you.

You were stressing out, it was minute 88, four fights already displayed in the spam of the 2nd time and no score. Until he did it. De Jong stole the ball from one of the oponents, you still don't know who it was; when De Jong passed it to Gundo and Gundo to Ferran to start dribbling around players and once he was starting to get close to the net, he shot it to Pedri who scored.

He did his natural signature + a wink to your direction

"That was to me" Fer said

"Sure it was" You laughed and joked around with Fer until the game ended

You receive Pedri by his car with a piece of cake, he hissed when he saw the chocolate and it didn't helped that Ferran made fun of him.

"As I have just the recovery session, you have to take a double one to forget about the calories that cake has, good luck on that, Pepi"

"You're just jealous you don't have a girlfriend who bakes for you" Pedri said hitting the back of Ferran's head while the shark laughed "See you, tiburón"

"See you, Pepi" Ferran waved at you lightly as you waved back with a small smile on your face

"Hola guapa" Pedri said wrapping his arms around your shoulders to bring you close to him. You smile taking in the scent of his soap and shampoo

"Hola guapo" You kissed his cheek before leaning up to kiss his lips "Congrats on the win, you did great"

"I felt motivated tonight" He winks at you and you laugh, blushing "However, I'm starving and this cake looks so good to me right now"

"Ah ah ah!" You push the cake back when he tried to reach it "I found out a little something and I just confirmed it"

"What did you find out?"

"You guys have a very strict diet as I could see" Pedri's heart stopped working for a while "And your friend isn't the most quiet when it comes to talk so... Have you really ate all of the sweets I have made for you this past months?"

Pedri got quiet for a while and before he opened his mouth you beat him to it "Honestly, Pedro"

"I didn't..." He said guilty and he watched how your face fell lightly "But I eventually did that time when I was at yours! And I didn't say any kind of lies when I said that they were the best ones!" You sighed softly

"But you could have told me that before!" You said "Now, I feel guilty"

"Why?"

"I was there making and bringing you guys the most sweet stuffs I could ever made for you to try and you had to suffer seeing your brother eat them without a single regret!" Pedri felt his heart grow warm "If you could have told me I have this strict diet, I could have done something different for you because everything I did was mostly for you, Pepi" You admit and he smiles before kissing you softly

"Now you know, amor. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, you were just really excited for me trying your baking out and I didn't wanted to make you feel bad by saying no"

"You have to do double sessions, I still feel bad" He sent you an apologetic smile as you groaned lightly "That's why this cake is for both of us now" You said

"Hey, it was mine!"

"It was" You agree "That was before I learned about your diet. So I made this one" You said "Half it's especially made for you and the other one is for me, like I usually do"

"Did you seriously just made me a piece of healthy cake for myself?" You nod

"And be prepared because now that I'll try more fitness stuff, you'll be the first one to try them out"

"I can't wait for it" He smiled before grabbing a piece of cake with his fingers and eating it, he groaned in delight "So far, try to make the pumpkin cake for me so I can eat it. That was the best one" He munched the cake once again

"Stop eating it"

"This is so delicious, I just can't!" He shook his head "In fact" He pulled out his car keys out and handed them to you "You drive tonight while I eat this masterpiece my girlfriend made for me, thank you"

°°° °°° °°° °°°

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