#i need to... fix... so mcuh.. .

[zrllosyn]

oooooooooo tell us more about BB LEO AU 👀👀👀

[wip game ask]

OH BUDDY. BUDDY.... YOU CHOSE A GOOD ONE I LOVE BB LEO AU (kekkai sensen)

Mayhabs its obvious from the title but its an AU where Leo's a blood breed. Leo's kinda the same though!! He's here in helsalem's lot desperately looking for a way to 'cure' his sister's eyes. Blood breed or not, the 'gods' are beings beyond comprehension.

Story mainly takes place during volume 10 (s2 ep 11 and 12) and just. Leo caught between revealing he's a blood breed, his sister, Libra, and Gamimotz. Events are pretty close to canon but like, the stakes are completely different lmao

I LIKE IT A LOT. I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS. ITS LITERALLY COMPLETELY WRITTEN i just need to edit it. But editing. Hard.

Im gonna stop there before i keep rambling for like. Another 12 paragraphs about leo characterization n stuff in this one HSDJGHJGH

Have!! a pretty long snippet under the cut!

Snippet of intro:

His sister, however, he did care for. His sister was the only one who bothered to really bond with him, care for him. The only one he had truly grown to care.  And it was between him and his sister that space and time tore, the very air itself sparking into prismatic light so bright it seemed to invert the world. It was between him and his sister that Riga appeared.  And curse his luck it had to be him and his sister. And it had to be Riga, the one who could see through everything and anything.  The one that could see what he truly was. The one that knew who he was.  The one that contracted those thrice damned eyes that would see what he was.  "Choose." Riga's voice is flat of inflection, indifferent like he was inquiring about the weather. But Leo heard something else, mixed in with the demanding glisten voice.  "So this is where you were, progenitor of the cursed kin." If Riga's presence wasn't enough to make his blood turn cold, that statement, spoken in elder tongue and overlaying the English definitely did. He felt his cold sweat form on his palms as his entire body grew stiff, terror filling his every fiber.  The higher being sounded amused. That was never a good sign not to mention that Riga's presence meant one thing.  "Which will witness?" "This is most curious." His voice caught in his throat. If he accepted the eyes, Michella would be blind. Chair-bound and blind. If he refused, she would see. See who he was. See that he wasn't her brother, but a monster wearing his skin. And then he would lose her. But at least she would still see-- "If you must take from something, then take it from me." Michella is straight backed and unbowing, not an ounce of fear in her voice as she knowingly sacrifices her vision for him, and his conflicting emotions drain away into horror.  She had no hesitation in protecting him, and yet here he was debating his course of action.  "Michella--!!" "If you must take something, take it from me!!" Her voice is firm, and his body finally responds as he lunges forward, as if grabbing her would negate the contract.  "Understood." The echoing elder tongue sounded amused, and in a moment of startling clarity he sees Riga reaching forward with the glowing eyes and his sister, a faint smile on her face as she looks to him. He knows that look.  She was happy. Happy she protected him.  Happy, that she protected the beast that needed it least, under the guise of her brother.  He feels sick.  The world goes white.

[bibleofficial]

want to do my exercises & go on a bike ride rn but i’m devastated bc i’ve to instead go to the dentist, whom i’ve been avoiding for like 3 years 😭😭😭

[eyepatchdate]

started a smtv replay as my new 'main game' because im stuck in a grinding loop right before final boss of pq2.

[girlgen1us]

Deep horrible aching pain in my heart has horrible timing

[fall0utmind]

hey i am back!! with more a/b/o sick fic ideas because its just my fave thing at the moment. i sent that long ask previously with alll the angst & why marc had to leave honda? but now i was wondering - saw the ask about alex feeling/not feeling the gap in the pack - and i was thinking do the rookies etc sort of gravitate to him?

like, not just rookies maybe - he’s a really calming influence on the pack, and to them it feels like he almost fills a gap that they don’t know they have? because for all that betas can’t scent things, they can def be scented, and there is no way marc is letting his little baby brother go out without being scented (for all that he is repressing his omega side, i do think that a/b/o fics tend to approach scenting as a cultural thing not gender specific thing, if you also want to approach it that way?)

and so - whenever alex sits in the pack room, people gravitate toward him, because subconsciously they think marc should be pack omega, and alex is covered in marc’s scent. almost like they’ve taken a vote of confidence as to who should be pack omega, which means none of the other omegas become pack omega in marc’s absence and when marc is able to come back, he steps straight into the role. it could also be quite overwhelming for alex, leading him to be mildly uncomfortable in the pack room, which is immediately healed by marc stepping into place? idk i’m rambling

also!! key thing - how does the order for marc get reversed, and when? does it involve valentino having to use his alpha voice on marc again? or is it a silent willpower thing? does vale reverse it as soon as he realises what he’s done, or is it done slightly further down the line when marc can be awake for it? does it happen in the hospital, with all of marc’s family staring vale down and only not kicking him out immediately afterwards because marc needs to be around pack?

i’m so hyped for this i can’t wait honestly

hi!!!!!

Iconic how I have spoken so mcuh about this au and have yet to consider how the alpha voice order (to stay away from Valentino's pack) actually gets reversed - becayse clearly I'm an idiot

Okay so I feel like maybe it's a bit of an in-between. So valentino has to be like

"No, you can be near my pack, you are my pack, marc i love you"

Directly to marc - not necessarily using his alpha voice but it's kind of like the release. Does that make sense.

Also, it happens when marc has collapsed at the race, and it all becomes known to the riders what has happened. Maybe when marc is in hospital and Valentino visits - yes, I like that. I reckon Marc's family is very reluctant to let him in, but relent becayse they know he's the only one who can fix it and it's terminal!!!

Hopefully that clears it up

In regard to alex!!!

Very very interesting idea. Even if it's not directly related to scenting, I quite like the idea of Alex almost being fixated on by some of the younger grid members in Marc's place. I need to do a little bit of thinking about the logistics. Because pre-2020 ish, the plan is that Marc is very isolated from the whole grid, I.e. no one is seeking him or his scent out, and realistically, before that time, marc is no where near the oldest on the grid etc so although maybe he's the only (or one of) omegas on the grid, it almost isn't natural for him to head the pack - so people aren't counsciously mourning the absence of a pack omega? Definitely possible that there are subconscious dynamic shifts and an urge for an omega in the pack from 2015-2020. I reckon the real change comes with new generation coming in + Valentino leaving the grid.

Anyways, so, intrigued by Marc scenting Alex, etc. I definitely love the idea of Alex often smelling like Marc + something clean, neutral, and fresh (beta). I think that draws people to him. However, i need to consider the idea that Marc goes on incredibly strong scent blockers and omega suppression (2018ish). I haven't decided yet whether yhat would mean that he ALWAYS smells neutral or if it's more of a whenever he leaves the house... I really am not sure, but I do love the idea of people flocking to Alex because he smells like/is the closest connection to marc. And then that when marc comes back, it provides Alex with relief. Especially since he feels guilty, because marc never goes to the pack room (cause of Vale), and when Alex sneaks off, people are a bit all over him, which makes him feel horrible when he goes back to Marc.

So yes, thank you for these wonderful questions and thoughts 🫶🏼

[theangelshavethephonebox]

Decapedia stuff - just wanted to say I've been working on images!! Thanks to the tireless help of amazing people on the miraheze discord server, I finally managed to make the slideshows so all the pictures are the same size, and stay the same size no matter what size your window is! I'm currently setting the sizes for all the images that appear on articles on the wiki, as they often take up too much space. If you are browsing the wiki and notice an image that is too small, too big, or otherwise looks weird, please tell me so I can fix it. Don't wan't to miss anything!

Also I'm actually really proud of doing this so everyone come admire the way the images work!!! Try changing the window size and just. yeah. please come look at what I did!!! I also figured out how to *sparkle emoji*align the deca member table!!!!*sparkle emoji*. Example of a page with these elements on: https://decapedia.miraheze.org/wiki/Vansell

As always, begging people to come to the wiki and edit if you can. Been busy making stubs of chapters so the pages are created; so, if you happen to be rereading a deca fic chapter and have some time, maybe fill out the plot of that chapter on the wiki as you go? Any trivia you notice from the chapter can be put in the 'notes' section, and we'll also need archived versions (archive.org), but if that takes too long don't worry - even if you just fill in a couple pieces of trivia, that really helps me so mcuh and I will love you forever.

[residualmanifest]

my dream last night was so vivid and it suuucked i was so sad . i had ad ream i got a new manager named michaela and she was like yeah you're fired by the way . youre spending too mcuh time doing pulls and fixing the food products vs giving customer service and i was like sobbing thru the day like what the hell !! and i found my store manaager and thought "surely she'll think this was ridiculous" and she was like "well michaela does have a point . you do need to give more customer service"

and suddenly there was a deli/flower arrangement counter . and i couldnt find my knife for cutting sub bread and an old coworker showed up out of nowhere and gave me his and then the sandwiches were just PRE WRAPPED anyway . when i woke up i was so pissed off, what a dumb stress dream . my job is appt going so well that my brain had to come up with some 'celebrity guest episode' shit LOL (michaela looked like kim kardashian)

[haerncat]

i wish i was good to you instead of making you feel angry, i lovr you so much, i’d do anuthing for you yet i couldn’t telo when you were upsey at something; im so sorry, i love you so much, ill stop tapking about him ill stop talking to him in general. i rather lose someone i dont care about than lose the love of my life, i love you more than anyone else snd you are all thay matters to me. we do everything for each other, i don’t want you to leave ever, im disgusted with myself and the way i acted today wnd how i acted towards you. i should’ve noticed, i am so sorry; making you angry and upset was never my intention i love youbsomcuh ill trade anyone away just for you, i love you more than i love anyone else, i dont even love anyone else; it’ll always be you, it won’t ever be anyone else. i hate seeing you angry, i really need you to just be happy with me, i will fix and change myself just for you because ill do anything and everything for you, you are all i care about and it won’t be ajyone else. don’t he jealous over people who can’t ever compare to you, nobody loves me and cares for me like you do. you are all i need, not anyone else. i wish i couodntell you everyday how much i appreciate you wnd love you, but its so hard to show it. my heart only aches for you and i only love you. i wish i can show it more, i wish i couldve noticed how you felt, im sprru im a bad girlfriend i want to be good jusy for you, you are perfect you dont deserve this and i dont deserve you, im so sorru i wish i was good enough for you, ill fix it and ill make sure youll be happy again. i love you so so so sos mcuh i love you

[fisherfurbearer]

Nyeheheheh...mice are getting an upgrade next week! Their current enclosure is still working very well but it has the start of a little crack in it, and I don't want to risk the mice being without a home if it breaks. New one is 8 gallons bigger, so they'll have more space to romp around, and even though it was more Expensive than I wanted, I'm not about to go back to walmart anytime soon so I got it shipped.

I still need to get a new wood burner for melting the plastic, and more wire, but SOON they will have bigger digs and should be really happy about it. Sucks that it's opaque this time though...I couldn't find anything bigger that was Also clear and Also sturdy and ALSO the size I wanted, so that's no fun....but the increase in size and comfort is worth it.

I've also been working on a lot of outdoor stuff to prep for Real Gardening next spring, and I've been refurbishing the rat enclosure to fix some things I messed up the first time (doors don't fit quite right, hard to clean, wire needs to be painted, etc.) and getting them moved into a comfier location. They were first in the basement which I Hated So Much, and we moved them to the spare room after a roommate moved out but it's getting to be 55-60F in there these days and it's too much for the rats. They're temporarily in Rupert and Squelch's old enclosure and are much happier now that they're in a warmer room, but I'm sure they can't wait to be moved back into the Big Boy house.

ALSO working on plans to upgrade the pigeons and move them into an outdoor aviary, but I only have a little sedan so my options for building materials are kinda limited...still!! I have some ideas that could work out really well and I can't wait to get started. But first, it's rodent time! c:

[jeonjungkoos]

yoongi looks done with everyones bullshit 

[3416]

should i watch the og roswell in my free time 

[david-watts]

sometimes I think about it and go ‘hey ok don’t worry about this for once you’ve got time’ and then I remember like. I do not have time. by the time i get past all the bullshit I will be dead.

[automeris-io-moth]

Rescue pt.2

Part one

Warm, soft light emanated from the crystals interred within the stones, and, as they walked further into the caverns, its glow grew colourful, shades, luminosity gained as if made on purpose, as if done with someone in mind, an outsider, of course, beasts need not the aid of light to move through their homes.

It was thoughtful, Other Hero thought, before procuring the rest of the way to be clean of such thoughts.

The entrances had little privacy to them, then again, in a place of rocks, crystals and stones, commodities wood brought, as doors were rare, rather opting for curtains, wool certainly stole from the merchants who dared pass too close to their caves.

Long was the way before the monster stopped. Opening with one arm the green bed sheets hanging by the rock on the edge, a wide, luminous room presented themselves behind it.

Something resembled a bed right in the middle of the room, nest-like with furs and cushions inside a hole made in the ground, around it decorations seemed carefully planned, a mirror and a table, clothes hung at one of the edges of the room, books piled up against two walls, and, with a panfñute between their hands…

“Hero!” Other Hero shouted, leaping forward to embrace the other the moment they crossed the threshold, arms tight and heart pounding.

They were so relieved.

Hero hugged them back, pressing their cheek in the other’s chest and breathing in.

“Hero, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know where you were,” Other Hero was quickly to apologise, tongue fast as they spoke, little effort to breathe “no one told me anything when I returned, I came as soon as I blackmailed it out of Teammate, I swear, I’m so sorry.”

The hug was tightened by the other, a reassurance, a promise of forgiveness both thought.

Other Hero could almost forget, in the comfort they found in the other’s presence, how the golden eyes of the monster were set right over both.

“I’m very happy you came for me, Other Hero,” Hero answered, finally pulling away from the hug “I’m sure you must be tired.”

They could not deny it, and still, whatever offer could come along with such observation, Other Hero felt hesitant to accept.

But Hero placed their hand in their face, soft and understanding, ignoring the sweat and the grime covering them, wiping away the dust in their cheek, and Other Hero melted.

“Allow us to host you for the night,” they said “allow me to repay your kindness.”

And without second complaint, Other Hero was lowered under the furs by the gentle hands of Hero, under the watchful eye of The King.

The moment to flee would come, they assured themselves, Hero was smart, they were resourceful, they planned ahead. Other Hero would play along if Hero thought that was the path to escaping.

***

Hero served the soup from the pot into three wooden bowls, one bigger than the other two, and set them on a silver tray.

“I do want to keep them,” they said, eyes fixed on the fire.

The monster, the King, Villain, hugged them from behind as they both watched the put bubble.

“They will not like that.”

“I know,” Hero answered, easily, “but you’ll help me, won’t you? Ease them, help them adapt.”

“I will if such you ask, my light.”

Villain nuzzled into Hero’s neck.

***

Fed and bathed Other Hero felt dazed in the softness of the nest, only half noticing the other figure slipping in beside them.

Soft hands pulled them close.

“Hero,” they called, almost nothing more than a breath.

“Yes, love?”

“I’ll get us out of here,” Other Hero said, promised “I’ll take you away and we can…”

Their thoughts slipped, came and went as the crackling fire and the humming Hero lulled them to sleep.

A kiss was placed on their forehead, and from the door, Villain smiled at both.

_

Part three

Masterlist

Okay second try to see if this thing appears in the tags, the post before the first try of this one doesn't show either but quite honestly it's too mcuh work

Sorry if you see this post two times, I'm just seeing if whatever's the problem is fixed itself (edit: it did :) )

[deadgrantaires]

i uhhh havent eaten anythign since breakfast this morning and i see this becoming a Pattern bc i cannot be Bothered to cook... unfortunate

[grakkul]

Oke so I watched the new spiderman movie an I have,,, opinons ya know

uh their prolly a bit spoilery so imma try to do a fandangled keep reading thingy so yea, read ahead at warning foe spoilers ( ;-; it took me too long to figure out why it wouldn’t work)

Oke oke oke so

Like,, it’s not a bad movie is the thing

It is a bit intresting as a concept even tho the whole plot point of how college is the breaking point for Peter not like harassment? People would be harrassing MJ at her job right? They threw a brick through Peters window why wouldn’t they ya know.

But like oke, the whole erase everyone’s memory seems intense for no college will accept you but I get it, hes a kid part of it is that he doesn’t really know.

I like dr strange in the movie, hes a bit eh stiff with Peter in my opinon, like some of those lines just aren’t really connecting to good, like coulda used another fake to feel more natural but like over all hes ok as a character.

Now skipping ahead,

It feels weird that like everyone is blaming spiderman for some shit when like there are other villains clearly destroying shit? But JJJ is biased so I’ll leave it to that, even tho like the swats shooting feels like absurd considering they literally caught on camera other people blowing up the building and beating up spiderman.

Also on that note, I do like that J jonah goes from a conspirist in his basement to a proper set up, and the spoof on InfoWars was pretty easy to see.

Also I love doc oct in this movie!! He’s like weirdly adorable, and I’m so happy he like finally gets to be ok, tho I kept waiting for them to pull the rug out from under us like a gotcha. Also also, like the laughing at Otto Octavius doesn’t work when the dungeon your keeping me in is owned by a wizard called DOCTOR STRANGE like if your gonna laugh at it you can’t have dumb names but I digress.

I dig green goblin, i did feel for him when he went to may, tho I spent the entire movie wondering if he was gonna get his mask again, so it’s just broken on some random street?? Ok.

they don’t really explain why they need to cure sandman so that kinda caught me off gaurd, but overall the villains all give their fair like funny moments an shit

I think it’s cool that Ned could actually do magic, tho with the end of the movie they basically just said we are not addressing that

I dig MJ, tho like even tho she’s a main person she did feel a bit shafted with development an shit considering how Peter just kept deciding things, kinda gave me Tony and pepper vibes honestly, even after he promised to talk to her about it

The spider men talking was also pretty funny, tho the whole back cracking scene was like weirdly horny it was weird. Didn’t come across as brotherly, and they tried to make people get that amazing spiderman joke like too mcuh, we got it you don’t need to repeat

But overall I love mr Garfield and tobey they were the shit, so much nostalgia, and seeing him tear up at saving mj, just mwah exquisite.

Ok ok ok now to like the meat of the shit

Like overall I think the movie was ok, like maybe not great, but it was a solid time, about what I expect from a marvel movie.

But for as much as I thought the movie was pretty ok, I LOVED the ending

Yes

Just, it vibes with me right, the fact that he’s just really on his own, really just this decision impacted him ya know. It like will hopefully fix my main problem with spiderman, that he kinda got everyhting given to him by Tony stark, and just his entire identity of struggling with money, struggling with being spiderman on his own, supporting himself as Peter Parker, it really feels like doing it over. He’s on his own now, really.

I hold tentative hope for the next movie but at the same time none cause their fucking incorporating venom and that’s bullshit. Who’s it even gonna be bro!! Everyone’s that’s his age is going to college and you have no other characters, is it gonna be happy?? Are you gonna have him fight venom when the whole point of this entire movie was to help them not hurt the villains?!?

(Tho ps film people, that apartment is so big and way too close to the christler, it would cost so much to live there, yours a New Yorker)

Now,,,,, weirdly enough I’m honestly most pissed at this movie for the after credits scene.

I’m sorry you rushed venom 2, did all that end credit scene bullshit that was way too edging the line for yo he’s a minor, for this shit!!! For 30 seconds of this!!! Because you want a symbiote villian!!! Yo!! Yo!!! I hated it so much. Cause like if they just held back on the venom release date, it would have worked just as well. Like goddam it bro.

[neonwizardheehee]

since today seems to be a day of  rants have another one:

I don’T know why I still can’t bring myself to work.

am I just too lazy? in my mind all will be fine when in reality i haven’t written smth good.... thought it might be bc i don’t have ANY pressure. with my thesis i had smth at least and my sis and irl friends to keep me up. and now i obv dont. idk why it doesnt work online as well as it used to. mayeb I’m too goot at tricking my brain? have i come too accustomed to doing nothing?  i thought about shutting down my phone for a few hours but... insta is still on my laptop accessible T.T and it feels weird to not have it open. but i guess that’s smth i can work on - to be present in going “offline” and work. as much as i love being online 24/7.... i cannot focus properly like this i have to acknowledge that and focus on fixing that. bc i know i love uni ... so why am i not doing it? it’s not even that i have too mcuh stuff going on ... so it had to be the fact itself that i’m being “online”. 

- > be THERE for going offline

next thing is food...again i know and i hate it

i thought i had put my ed behind me.... learned better ways and accepted my body as it is. well.. joke’s on me bc as of now I’m at my lw for 7 years or smth. and i didn’t even diet. but i know that I’m eating shitty. bc of my t1d i don’T really have an appetite anymore (meaning i don’T pay it any attention) but now i don’T even get hungry. I can’T eat as much as i used to...which was a low normal amount i’d say. so yes it’s bad. and usually it fixes itself once i recongized this and figured out how to not do that anymore. not this time tho????? I’m tired all the time, I don’t have motivation or strength to do anything. I’m afraid to do sports T.T i don’t want that!!! last year it took me half a year to healthily loose 3kg and now when i think... i might’ve even lost more in the last 2 T.T that is so so scray T.T i wanted to do research and one tiktok kicked me even more back into that ed fear. tbh i just want to cry. i don’t want to loose my energy! why am i so afraid of doing sports? idk why i just can’T bring myself to eat - i fucking love eating???? coffee and sometimes cheese is the only thing i look forward to sometimes - the rest is just “ugh i gotta eat” T.T that is not me - that never was me T.T why now huh? T.T  shit is so personal i dont even know who and what to ask tbh... i’m so scared and i don’t even know why T.T maybe it’s a mental thing? 

the last month kicked me really mentally with the semester ending, me missing my friends, me recognizing how bad 2021 will be and how much of my usual self i lost bc i can’T bring myself to do the things i used to love. T.T 

tbh the only thing that keeps me happy is talking to my girl and making memories with her. altho the missing is real - that’s new for me too and maybe i’m reacting more badly than i thought. or i just got too much into my head with all the ffs i’m reading as a coping mechanism. maybe watching gotham fucked me up more then i imagined. who knows. not me.

today i downloaded and food tracker app again and i already want to cry. bc i wanted to hurt myself more i checked the history of that app and wow I’m sad again. idk why IDK WHY this is happening. pls let me just work on my papers and enjoy my time with my girl???? why do i have such sad thoughts? T.T 

when i tried to explain my uni problem to my parents they said to make myself a schedule and goals - and i wanted nothing more than to cry bc i know i cannot do that.

i think i’m slowly realizing that for me life before was better - before everyone cared about mental health - u only had to be a functioning human and be the best . that was smth i liked to do and i was good at it. now after the issues kept piling up and got names.... it get’s more scary for me since i find excuses to be not-functioning. whether it’s uni, t1d or sports .. practically anything T. T

now everything seems like a chore i can do but don’t have to do. and thus i don’T do it T.T how did i become like that? how can i change back? 

thing is idk what my problem is. so i cannot ask for help even tho i want to and i know sb would help me. but idk what to ask since i became too good in downplaying......everything???

the other thing is... i have so many good things in my life?????? why can’T i focus on them? why do i feel the need to be miserable? that doesn’t make sense to me!

so another idea i have to fix this is give myself a new task. and not a task i do for myself (like make myself food to eat) but to do smth for others again! seeing it as i work better when others have expectations for me and i work around them to fulfill that - i want to do that again. instead of putting off posting o insta i should bring myself to post again and good content at that. so tell me to cook u smth for dinner or bring wine for a night out - i can make sure to do my uni work before and have brought wine and food! even dressed up bc it’s smth for you! bc even if i don’T care - you do and i should use that for myself. 

i want to be powerful and cool again - and i want to be really proud of my achievements and not bc i got lucky or know the right people and are manipulative enough to make people say what i want to hear :P

(fun fact: while writing this i had “my demons” had been playing in the beginning and in the end it was “when you’re evil” so that prob explains a lot hahahah XDDD no I’m onto Alaska Thunderfuck so HELL YES BIICHES)