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Hello! About the fake dating!au, I was wondering how the episode Niagara brawls would play out if Alenoaheather was happening. Would Alejandro and heather still be paired up or would one of them be paired up with Noah?
Well, to be entirely honest, I haven't really thought too much on it yet. Mostly because it's still kind of up-in-the-air as to when Noah's elimination would take place in this AU. I think we've sort of settled on post-merge, so he would be present in the Niagara Falls challenges, but the timeline's still really vague so I personally haven't really invested any time in figuring out the semantics of how each episode would play out.
But since you asked, I might as well toss my hat into the ring! I'll just type out my thoughts as they come, so please excuse this response if it's a little all-over-the-place or formatted weirdly.
Off the bat, it's been fairly well established that the canon final four remains unchanged, so at the very least both Sierra and Cody are still present in this challenge; this is important, since in canon the only reason Heather ends up partnered with Alejandro is because Sierra is the one who rejects him as a husband first. I don't really see a reason to change the canonical play of events here, unless a brainstorming session later on down the line necessitates Noah being paired with either Heather or Alejandro for whatever reason. Mostly just because keeping as many "pre-written" plot points as possible lessens the workload on our shoulders (us, of course, being me and @perpetualexistence, and occasionally @ur-local-brown-multifandomist).
But that does leave the question of who Noah would be paired with.
And again, this would be super dependant on who's left in the competition at this point; since Noah's made it to the merge, we know someone has to have taken his place in the London elimination- just that small change could have potential consequences on all of the subsequent eliminations afterwards, so the merge cast might look almost completely different to World Tour's "official" line-up.
And this is also super dependant on whether or not it's Blaineley who wins the Aftermayhem challenge- I'm not sure if any of the others intend to swap her out for a more interesting/plot relevant contestant (which, as much as I do love Blaineley, she's just find of there with no real relevance to the story) like perhaps Lindsay, Leshawna or maybe even Beth- I assume it'd have to be a girl, since the show itself works to even out it's gender ratios, but it could hypothetically be anyone.
So Noah's partner could be... literally anyone, save for the Final Four (Alejandro, Heather, Sierra and Cody).
...Unless?
Now, don't judge me here, but I do kind of like the idea of Noah ending up with Heather as his partner. Maybe it's the vast potential of how their (entirely self-constructed, and self-indulgent) character dynamic could play out in this scenario, or maybe I just want the opportunity to write Noah trying and failing to pick up Heather, eventually leading to her being the one to carry him across the Falls tightrope like a pathetic, soggy kitten. Or maybe I'm just getting my Noaheather on- who knows?
All I'm saying is, they'd be giving a lot of Connecticut Clark and Malfina vibes and I'm so here for it.
And maybe I just want to see something new; there's so many explorations of how an Alenoah Niagara Brawls challenge would play out (and they're all wonderful, don't get me wrong!) so it's time to give some other pairings the spotlight!
Plus, this particular scenario would not only allow the contestants to see Heather and Noah acting like the "fake" couple they're supposed to be, but Alejandro could also play it as either a double-breach of his trust (since he's also supposed to be "fake" dating Noah, at least, and he has his whole romantic rivalry with Heather) or take advantage of his position and try to charm whoever he's partnered up with and either secure a valuable ally for later on down the road, or beguile his next elimination target into a false sense of security- since a huge part of Alejandro's character is his conniving flirtatiousness, and I don't want to completely negate that.
Now that I'm thinking about it, Alejandro's flirty nature could be a conflict point between himself and his partners. That's a thought for another time, though.
But, again, it's still very up-in-the-air and I don't really think I can give a definitive answer until a proper elimination order has been established- or, at the very least, the elimination order pre-merge. So, uh, sorry for the lack of a definitive answer!
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/r/relationships
My (32m) husband (30m) keeps saying he isnt gay. We've been married for five years. Help?
We met when i was working as a freelance writer. He was one of my regular readers, and he hated my writing so much that he paid me to move in with him (dont ask, it's complicated) so that he can edit my stuff. To his credit my work has gotten a lot better since then, but that also might have had to do with regular food & the lack of rent. Anyway we started making out like 3 months in. things clearly escalated and now we're married and we have 2 cats.
For like a year after I moved in he kept on saying that he was straight. Since we were having sex I kind of thought he was joking? Or that he at least stopped thinking he was straight when he introduced me as his partner to his family. He stopped bringing it up at some point anyway, and i figured it didnt matter after we got married. Only recently i brought up how he used to think he's straight and he told me HE STILL IS. How the fuck does that make any sense? Who can be straight after nearly 10 years of monogamous dicking?? I've never even heard him call a woman attractive!!! He is CONSTANTLY telling me about some new hot dudes he's seen!!
How do I convince my husband that he's probably not straight?
Edit: stop calling me fake i WISH i were joking but he is very serious about this. i asked if he thought i was attractive, and he said of course he does. i thought that was a "gotcha" moment but he said that because the protagonist of my novel is a self-insert, and that i described him as the most attractive man ever, my husband would obviously be attracted to me? because of novel protagonist logic?? i literally do not understand
Edit 2: Okay, i've tried some of the (ACTUAL) suggestions people left. I printed out pictures of "hot" people, men and women, and asked him to sort into a Hot and Not Hot pile. Most of the men were deemed Attractive and all the women (+some men) were deemed Not. i asked him what that means. i can't remember his exact logic but i think it boils down to the fact that he thinks all of his opinions are actually objective fact. i guess it's nice that he thinks I'm objectively hot. i spoke with his siblings, they all agree that he's absolutely gay, and they talked to him individually but he's still telling me he's straight.
Edit 3: i was going to ignore all those comments but you ASSHOLES won't leave it alone. YES, WE MET BECAUSE I WAS A NOVELIST AND HE HATED MY BOOK. He was NOT normal about it. i don't know what else to tell you. He's a closeted rich kid (as some of you had guessed already) and i guess he just yearned for the touch of a man so hard that i had to marry him. Whatever. it was our anniversary yesterday and he said "no homo" when he gave me flowers because i guess i was too insistent about him being gay. he was kind of joking but definitely not entirely.
Edit 4: some of you have guessed my pen name?? how??? A few others have even guessed my husband's username. Absolutely insane. I didnt even give that much info. He still says he's straight btw. Honestly i've kind of given up on changing his mind, but i did direct him to some queer websites a couple people suggested, so maybe reading more about internalized homophobia will cure him? It's actually stopped being funny and now I'm worried for his mental health, so I'm really hoping that personal stories he can actually relate to might do something.
Edit ??: you've fucking done it guys. he found this post. my sweet darling husband yelled at me for 5 minutes. those websites must've worked though, because he can easily go on for 20 minutes if he actually cared, and all the replies people left maybe helped a bit too. he actually apologized to me at the end!! can you believe that??? if you want to see him in all his glory he's the jerk with all the awards and upvotes in the comments here. you will definitely recognize him for a stephen king antagonist when you see him.
Edit 6: our cats are named Crybaby and Little Fucker 😊
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raylin-creates · 6 months
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Me when I see a post about how First is useless to the lore: I. respect. your opinion. (internally raging) (fists shaking) (teeth gritted) (body trembling) (breathing ragged) (mind shook) (eyes wild) (mentally holding myself back from replying with the force of a blue whale being dropped to the ground at terminal velocity)
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calliesmemes · 3 months
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WHY ARE WE NOT INTERACTING YET?
A COMPREHENSIVE SYMBOL ASKBOX PROMPT LIST OF REASONS FOR WHY OUR BLOGS MIGHT BE STUCK IN INTERACTION LIMBO. ( INSP. )
Send both the EMOJI and the TEXT.
If you cannot see the emoji, send the [ BRACKETED TEXT ].
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❓ [ question mark ]﹕ I am a newcomer to tumblr’s roleplay scene, and I do not know how to get started.
🥺 [ pleading ]﹕ I am very shy in general.
🧵 [ threads ]﹕ I have too many threads right now, but I do want to interact in the future.
💼 [ briefcase ]﹕I am busy with life, but I do want to interact sometime in the future.
💕 [ two hearts ]﹕ I ship our muses romantically, but it feels awkward to ask you about shipping.
➕ [ plus ]﹕ You already interact with a lot of duplicates of my muse or faceclaim, and I am uncertain whether you would feel comfortable with adding another.
🛏️ [ bed ]﹕ We have interacted before, but I am currently fixated on another roleplay community.
🍽️ [ plate ]﹕ You seem to have a lot of interactions on your plate already, and I don’t want to stress you out further.
✏️ [ pencil ]﹕ I’m worried about whether my writing style will be able to hold up against scrutiny in comparison to yours.
🪢 [ knot ]﹕ It takes me a while to work up the courage for approaching a new mutual out of character.
😬 [ grimace ]﹕ We have interacted before, but I worry that I will bother you if I reach out to plot / talk out of character.
🧠 [ brain ]﹕ I’m struggling to think of ideas for interactions, or my ideas are vague and consist only of specific Vibes™️
🤝 [ handshake ]﹕ My muse is an original character with familial ties to your canon character, and I don’t know how to approach you to start plotting.
🎀 [ bowtie ]﹕ I headcanon my original character as being close friends with your canon character, and I don’t know how to approach you to start plotting.
🍿 [ popcorn ]﹕ Don’t mind me; I’m just here to lurk!
✉️ [ envelope ]﹕ First meeting threads aren’t my forte.
🤷🏻‍♀️ [ shrug ]﹕ You haven’t reblogged a lot of askbox prompts yet, and I interact primarily by using askbox prompt responses as starters for interactions.
🧍🏻 [ standing ]﹕ I interact primarily through starter calls, and you haven’t posted a starter call yet.
🎲 [ dice ]﹕ We already interact on other blogs, but I don’t have any ideas for interactions with this one yet.
🧚🏻‍♂️ [ fairy ]﹕ I keep meaning to approach you out of character, but I forgot … oops :/
👑 [ crown ]﹕ We’ve already interacted before, but I want even more threads!
🪡 [ needle ]﹕ I want to interact with you because I enjoy your writing; however, your post formatting is difficult to read.
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darling--core · 1 year
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— ꒰‧⁺ ✎ [ first time with the yanderes ] *ೃ༄
your first time sleeping with each of my respective yanderes, currently up to date for: the teammates (oliver, skylar, and declan separately), the criminal, the hero, the business ceo, and the bully.
please let me know if the format of this post is good! i was struggling go figure out how to fit all of the characters in without it becoming overwhelming and this is what i landed on 😅
i also got so excited because i hit 500 750(?!?)followers while writing this (which?? holy shit?? how!? ive been here for a week ajdksksn im crying fr) so i made it extra long~
reader/darling is gn, so their genitals aren't mentioned. (im always too afraid to just make things be fem reader in case someone really wants a gn/male reader 😫)
word count: 2,052
contents: sex, foreplay, insertion sex (vague, so its up to you where its being inserted), overstimulation, edging
minors dni 🎀 18+ only
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the team mates
💌 you do already know your first sexual experience with all three of the soccer boys at once [read here!] but what about each of them separately?
oliver is enthusiastic.
he's always so excited to get his hands on you, anywhere on you, and every single time, he still can't believe he gets to do it– that you let him touch you. with oli, your first time could happen anywhere, anytime. he doesn't care about waiting for a special time; he can make anything special, so long as its for you.
the foreplay starts out heavy and goes on and on and on; he won't be satisfied until you've cum on his fingers and his tongue at least once each. he wants to worship your body, bring you to the peak as many times as he can before he even considers thinking about himself. as soon as you start begging for him, though... all bets are off. and you're already so relaxed, dripping with your own fluids and his saliva and lube, so its perfect.
just for you, he’ll ease in. he loves the way your legs lock around him, the way you whine and gasp as he fills you. he pushes himself in as far as he can go, bottoming out and gripping your hips like a lifeline. you feel so good, so hot and soft around him, it takes all the will power he has left not to fuck you into oblivion right then and there. he kisses you breathless, giving you time to adjust before he starts thrusting.
he babbles to you, gushing about how good you feel, how hot and soft and slick you are around him, how beautiful you are, how much he loves you. eventually, he can't hold himself back. he plans on fucking you until neither of you can think straight, until you’re melting from pleasure, until neither of you can walk. he’ll overstimulate himself, just to keep experiencing the privilege of being inside you, his darling.
skylar is obsessive about your pleasure.
your first time will be calculated on his part; he’ll make sure it happens in the apartment, where he can do whatever he wants and has everything at his disposal. he plans on fucking you plenty more in the future, but the first time will always be something you remember- he’ll make sure of it. you won't be walking out of there tomorrow.
he prolongs every part of it as much as he can, as much as he can handle. you don't get to cum until he’s inside you, but that doesn't mean he won't be driving you half insane with his mouth, his fingers, toys he’s bought just for you. the foreplay isn't done until he’s sure that the only thing on your mind is how bad you want him inside you.
once you get to that point, though, he’s desperate to be inside you too. you may not always be able to tell through his snarky, teasing persona, but he’s as obsessed with you as the other two. he slides inside you, kissing your neck at the same time, and he knows this is what heaven must feel like. he listens to you, watches how you react as he thrusts in and out, figuring out exactly what speed you like, how hard he has to fuck you to make you moan and cry. he focuses on how hard you clench around him when he talks to you, muttering the filthiest things in your ear.
he wants to feel you clench and cum around him. he wants you to know how good he can make you feel, how well he can learn your body. he knows he can love you better than anyone outside your little group, that you’ll never need anyone else outside of them- and he’ll prove it to you all night long.
declan loses his careful control.
he’s always been so controlled around you because he cares so much about you. he’s bigger and stronger and he knows how many people find him scary- that's the last thing he wants you to think about him. but by the end of your makeout session, he can't do it anymore. he can't wait and follow your lead- he has to have you now or he thinks he might die.
he pins you down so easily. he loves the way you shudder, the way you squirm against him, testing his strength. the way you roll your hips against his as he kisses you again and again, until you’re lightheaded and fuzzy and can barely pay attention to the way he’s removing your clothes- until his hands are all over you.
he has to prepare you, but he wants you to come undone in his hands. he wants to feel you writhe under him, making him feel powerful as he controls your pleasure. he loves watching your face as he teases you, stroking you with rough, skilled fingers.
when he finally sinks into you, its not entirely gentle. its hot and possessive and wild and out of control, everything you make him feel. he folds your legs up with your knees to your chest and pounds into you so hard you swear you can feel him in your throat.
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the criminal
the criminal is in disbelief. he’s watched you for so long, done so many things for you, orchestrated so much behind the scenes…. and it’s paying off. he’s not seeing you through cameras anymore; this is the real deal. you’re in front of him, half naked, lips puffy and red from him kissing you. and you’re letting him touch you.
its better than he could have dreamed. none of his fantasies live up to the feel of your skin under his rough hands as he pulls the rest of your clothes off, the sounds you make as he teases you with his fingers. he’s so glad he had the foresight to make sure the first time he took you was in your room- the camera's would capture everything, and he could relive this moment everyday if he wanted.
he breaks you apart with his hands first, somehow both gentle and completely domineering. every touch is an act of love coming from him, and he’ll make you take it all. he works you up slowly, his hands everywhere, until you are overwhelmed with it all. you are the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen, and the face you make when he spreads your legs and slides into you, the way your legs twitch and you clench around him… his obsession soars to new heights.
he loves being able to move you, hold you down in any position he likes, but his favorite part is looking at your face as he drives you crazy with pleasure. he praises you the whole time– you feel so good, you take him so well, you’re doing so well for him, you cry so beautifully. you were made for him.
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the superhero
kane is reverent. you are so incredibly special to him, something practically angelic. you wormed into his mind, his heart, and he’s never been able to get you out. your first time with him will probably be in his apartment, where he can assure you are comfortable and he can properly care for you afterwards.
kane makes you use your words. he doesn't want to get anything wrong– he wants you to tell him exactly what you want him to do to you. he encourages you to be vocal as he works his fingers into you, kissing your neck and heating up his hands to make it all the more tortuous. the first orgasm is only a warm up for him. he’ll put his mouth on you next, watching your face as he pulls another leg shaking orgasm out of you- and he just licks his lips, going in for another taste.
he wants you to beg for him. he wants to know that you really, truly want it, that you want him as much as he wants you. he lays you back on his bed, on the softest sheets you’ve ever felt, and the first time he slides into you is agonizingly slow. kane would never dream of hurting you- the thought of it terrifies him, in fact.
his overwhelming desire to please you overrides how desperate he is to be inside you, to fuck you into oblivion. he holds your hands down against the bed, entertwining your fingers as he buries himself inside you, slowly and completely. he isn't satisfied until you’re shaking, begging him to give you a rest, and then he’ll pull another orgasm out of you for good measure.
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the ceo
the ceo is possessive. by the time he has you right where he wants you, bent over his desk or trembling in his lap in his office chair, he’ll have made up his mind that you are his in ever way. now is the time to prove it to you. he’ll take his time to show you that you are meant to be together, that you’re meant to be his- even if it takes all night.
he’s a little bit of a sadist, admittedly, and you’ll learn that about him very quickly. he’ll use his own necktie to restrain your hands, tying them behind your back, so he can have access to every part of you. he’ll listen to your noises and learn what affects you the most, how you like him to touch you, what feels best– and he’ll use it to his advantage.
he’ll have you shaking and desperate, begging for him to fuck you, long before he gives into what you both want. he wants to hear you beg for him, to make you admit that you love the way he makes you feel, that you're made for him, that you belong to him. only once you’ve satisfied his never ending possessive streak will he give you what you want.
he plays and toys with every sensitive part of your body while he’s fucking you, like you aren't already so full of him, so overwhelmed by him. he marks up your body, hickeys and love bites all over your chest and neck. he loves being the one who gets to corrupt that perfect image of you, who gets to break you into a moaning, squealing mess. and he’ll love being the one who gets to clean you up, who gets to kiss you softly and brush his fingers over all the hickeys and bites, who gets to bring you home and tuck you into bed.
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the bully
the bully is unsure of himself- at first. he spent so long burying his feelings, feeding into obsession and convincing himself it was hatred and not love; he spent so long trying to convince you that he hated you. but you saw right through him- of course you did. you were better than him, better than he would ever be, so infuriatingly perfect that it drove him crazy. so perfect that he’s almost unsure of what to do with you, with himself, as you makeout in your room… and slowly start to disrobe for him.
he’ll let you take his hands and place them on you, his fingers shaky as they ghost over your skin, almost afraid to break this final barrier between his lies and the truth. but it’ll be worth it if he gets to keep touching you like this, if this means he’s the only one who gets to do this to you.
once the dam breaks, he’ll have you thrown back on your bed. he’s got to make sure you know he still owns you, you still belong to him, just in a slightly new way. he’ll become obsessive with your body, your pleasure, using you as the outlet for all of the emotions that you make him feel that he doesn't quite understand. he’ll make an absolute mess out of you, laying his claim over every part of your body, inside and out.
when he finally, finally thrusts inside you, he feels like he’s dying. nothing else in the world could ever feel this good, he’s sure of it. he never wants to stop, never wants to leave this room; he holds you down and fucks you to the point of exhaustion, in as many different positions as you can handle, growling in your ear that you’re his, and he’ll hurt anyone who tries to take you from him.
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xoxo mazzy @ darling--core 🎀
remember reblogging helps writers & creators! please reblog if you liked and want more content in the future 💕
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butchdykekondraki · 1 month
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its time for scp required reading... TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
please for the love of god heed the fucking warnings im so serious . like as much as i want to keep the tone of this post jokey and funny you NEED to heed the warnings on these
ok with that out of the way. read about my blorbos boy
''incident 239-b clef-kondraki'' (general warning for violence and blood/gore) - this one fucks. thats all i have to say about it
''technical issues'' - this one's funny + im biased because i fucking love pat the tech guy
''routine psychological evaluations by doctor glass'' - again i have personal bias about this (<- simon glass enjoyer + host is a glass introj) + this ones funny + if you're more into the fanon versions of the foundation staff this is right up your alley
''tradition'' - halloween party fun :-)
''dr cimmerian hits reply all'' - this is exactly what it sounds like i don't now what to tell you
''stupid cupid / stupid cupid: stop picking on me!'' - my house my rules read about cimmerian and his boytoy
''hawaiian shirts'' - clef fucking Breaks. thats all i can say about this without exploding into viscera
''help me my (love for) my daughter was born too still'' (general warning for mentions of child death) - i have personal bias about this (<- #1 agatha rights enjoyer) but this tale is So Good in general and a super interesting look at how agatha perceives herself and her work/life balance
''so leave yourself alone.'' (warning for graphic depictions of vomit and attempted suicide) - REALLY really really good look at clef kind of dropping his cruel persona and iris' mental health struggles regarding the foundation
''yesterday'' (warning for violence and implied/reference suicide. kind of.) - :-( <- this is the only way i can express my emotions about this tale. anyway it's really good and an interesting way of showing clefs relationships with people
''an apple a day...'' - REALLY good look at how dr glass is as a person and how he acts with people + this entire tale fucks SEVERELY
''personal log of dr gears / personal log of █████ 'iceberg' ████'' - good example of how gears and iceberg both format their documents / how they speak + its vaguely gearsberg + this gives a look at how gears and iceberg met. read the gearsberg tale boy
''portraits of your father'' (warning for graphic alcoholism, suicide, survivors guilt, and blood/gore) - super good look at draven and his relationship with his father, and kondraki's alcoholism, and also talloran is there. also three cheers for dravoran
''life's cold'' - most normal day iceberg has at this fuckass foundation + this is a good look at how iceberg acts and thinks
''fond memories'' (warning for death and body horror) - draven proposes! Draven proposes.
''scp-3999'' (warning for bugs, paranoia, death, body horror, sexual assault/rape, unreality, self harm, and depictions of bodily mutilation) - unironically this one fucks me up so bad its so fucking good dude. go read about james talloran RIGHT NOW
''i stared into the face of everything and nothing and made it back alive'' - this one also fucks me up so bad like i dont even have anything to say. read about talloran and draven RIGHT NOW
''you are at the center of everything that happens to you'' - james talloran talks to himself. kind of.
''a suicide note'' (warning for mentions of rape, child murder, survivors guilt, and suicide) - interesting look at clefs thoughts on him and his work
''date night'' - objectum win! dr alto clef is objectoromantic AND objectosexual! <- that should tell you all you need to know about this one
''scp-4231 / montauk house'' (warnings for graphic depictions of sexual assault, rape, child abuse/neglect, murder, domestic violence, verbal/physical abuse and survivor's guilt) - absolutely gut-wrenching look at alto clef/francis wojciechoski and why he's so fucked up. uh genuinely do read the warnings on this one because when i say graphic i am not exaggerating. all of these things are explored in detail and are genuinely triggering so.
''okay, that's enough, let's get you home'' (warnings for some dubious make-out sessions, (mentioned) suicide, implications of rape/sexual assault, and vomit) - shameless moldhouse plug sorry not sorry. HIGHLY recommend reading this and it's other parts in their entirety because it genuinely drives me up the fucking wall it is So good. i will sing moldhouses praises until my throat goes out. read moldhouse Now
''duke 'till dawn'' - bpd king!!!!! anyway i dont have a lot of thoughts on this its just really good. also i didnt know dracula was an actual scp until i read this which is kind of funny to me
''rights' birthday party'' - my house my rules you're going to read about agatha rights whether you like it or not
''sex at a frigid temperature'' - again, my house my rules. read the depressing gearsberg tale, boy.
''7 things that new level 3 researchers should know'' - i dont have any thoughts on this i just think this one has really cool formatting
''home is where i want to be'' - no greater thoughts this is just really neat i think. also kiryu labs is in it and im biased as fuck
''gentle wings flutter quietly in the dark'' - read about zyn kiryu NOW
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optiwashere · 7 months
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Please write your thoughts about the importance of Shadowheart for Shar/Selûne :D
I FEED on character analysis.
SO!!!! This got long as fuck and also morphed into what you asked + a general character interpretation.
I relied on a combination of 2nd, 3rd, and 5th edition D&D lore, R.A. Salvatore novels, and of course BG3 as sources. Shadowheart's characterization adds up the most coherently on the purely romance / "get her away from Shar" path, and that is what I'm using as a basis for this post. Even when you're playing an "evil" route, she behaves in ways that betray a lot of what I get into under the break. This post, however, is biased towards the "good" path of her personal quest for the sake of my sanity and a somewhat reasonable word count.
First, a preamble for people that are maybe less knowledgeable about Forgotten Realms lore.
One of the biggest characterizations of Shar and Selûne in the Forgotten Realms is that they are twin sides of the same thing: night. Night as an aesthetic is symbolic of, among other things: mysteries, being lost without guidance (such as in faith or purpose), and finding oneself when one reaches for the truth. I.e., reaching light from the moon, stars, or daybreak (which is itself a symbol as the natural conclusion of darkness being light for redemption following suffering, goodness defeating evil, finding faith, etc.)
Shar and Selûne are sisters that also share the Night domain in 3e, a sort of fulcrum they both work around — Shar as the "malevolent" darkness with Selûne as the "benevolent" night. There is even a recognized heresy called the Dark Moon heresy in both cults/religions that Shar and Selûne are actually the same goddess playing one gigantic trick on Faerûn (this comes from a 3.5e splatbook called Power of Faerûn) but it's been pushed time and time again that the two sisters are, in fact, two separate entities. But duality of divinity, and how worshipers interpret their god, is a theme we see played up a ton in BG3.
What we know about Shar is that she despises her sister. Loathes her. Not only does she loathe her, she tricked Selûne's followers during the Time of Troubles, about 140 years before BG3, into worshiping her instead of the Moonmaiden. The Time of Troubles was a period when gods walked the Realms, rather than tossing avatars around everywhere. This lead to the formation of a fanatical group of cultists that followed the real Selûne, called the Lunatics (I'm still proud of managing to reference them in a goddamn Explicit PWP fic)
Meanwhile, Selûne is seen as a calming force. She wars with her sister every single night, and does not like her one bit, but she does it as a means to protect others from her sister rather than as a spiteful game. She's not as omnipresent in people's lives, she is just a natural force to a lot of her followers.
How does any of this relate to Shadowheart? Spoiler stuff and the actual character analysis under the break.
We know that Shadowheart was a "chosen" of Selûne as a child, per her parents' dialogue under the House of Grief. However, it's important to note that most religions in Faerûn name potential clerics as "chosen" ones of gods and goddesses.
We know that, throughout the game, Shadowheart learns that she is being manipulated by the Lady of Loss to do acts that go against some sort of internalized moral code that Shadowheart has. We see her approval go up when you do good acts (as long as you ask for compensation, or if it's to help helpless people/animals) and we see her disapprove when you press her boundaries or act unjustly cruel. "Unjust" is left so vague because she does not behave at all according to how the vast majority of Sharrans behave. There are numerous other flags for approval/disapproval such as her enjoying playful chaos, or disliking when you're too trusting of other companions when you first meet them, but we'll focus on the first set I mentioned.
We also know that Shadowheart was continually subjected to memory erasure via the cult of Shar in Baldur's Gate. This gets mildly restored here and there via the tadpoles and Dame Aylin, but her memory is mostly gone. So this moral code is something ingrained in her somehow, because Sharrans don't have kindness training. There's another entire character analysis to be written about Viconia's role in this as it relates to her own character in Baldur's Gate 2, but let's ignore that for now.
In the cloister under the House of Grief, there is a note you can find that outlines the squad sent to find the artifact that protects everyone from the Absolute's domination. The squad has a leader, and it is not Shadowheart. She is listed as "healer" and the text before this explicitly states that the entire squad is expendable. None of them matter to Shar.
BUT!
Divine visitation by a goddess is incredibly rare. It usually only happens to high level clerics, which Shadowheart isn't really even at 12th-level, and to those that the goddess has an extreme, vested interest in. If you free the Nightsong/Dame Aylin instead of killing her, Shadowheart is wrenched out of the Material Plane and made to suffer for an indeterminate amount of time. That, plus literally meeting Shar in the conclusion to her personal question, is very odd given what we know about Shadowheart.
If we presume that Larian did their jobs, and I'm going to because I trust them, then there is an immediate dilemma presented here. Either Shadowheart matters to Shar (she is not expendable), or she is just another zealot (she is expendable.) There is no half-truth in that logic table that really works for Shar, she's an absurdly dogmatic goddess. See: literally any Sharran you encounter in BG3 that isn't Shadowheart. It's possible that the writer of the note didn't know what they were talking about, but I think that's a lazy out that doesn't hold water with the rest of the evidence.
So, which is it? This being the part where I'm mostly in interpretation territory, Shar views Shadowheart as the perfect puppet, a toy to needle at her sister, not because she is important at all as a person, but because she's a representation of Selûne that Shar can mold to suit her image as she did in the Time of Troubles. We hear that in the game when Shadowheart basically says that she was just a thing for Shar to use. She's beaten into (what Shar believes will be) submission for not becoming a Dark Justiciar, but it only serves to sever the tie between cleric and goddess.
Shadowheart is Shar's answering play to Selûne beating that trick from the Time of Troubles, and there will be another Shadowheart after her eventual death. Shadowheart is both incredibly important and utterly worthless to Shar in the same way that an abuser uses affection and trust to hurt their victims. Love bombs in the form of divine power, sending her on this important mission, and offering the title of Dark Justiciar are followed by pain when Shadowheart displeases her. As if, on a whim, all that supposed mutual respect could turn into non-consensual, extreme violence.
Shadowheart is an objectified opportunity for Shar to fuck with Selûne for the entirety of a single half-elf's lifespan (anywhere from 150-200 years) and nothing more. A plaything to discard when all is said and done after a microcosm of time where a goddess is concerned. Whatever Shadowheart thinks she's benefiting from with Shar, it's all a trick. It's a massive delusion with which she's been brainwashed into participating.
And deep down, deep deep way deep down, Shadowheart knows this even in Act One. She spouts random sayings and the sorts of 2edgy4me one-liners that you would expect from a somewhat goth-y, slightly sassy Stock Evil Cleric in a fantasy RPG. For a good portion of Act One, you wouldn't be wrong to assume she's extremely one note and a total zealot. That is, unless you know two things:
That Shar is a fucking menace in Faerûn, and nothing good ever comes naturally from her cult. Anyone that knows FR lore was probably like me when they first interacted with Shadowheart. I know I basically said, "What the fuck, you're not a Sharran lmao. Either Larian goofed hard, or something's fishy here."
That extraordinarily devout people tend not to babble in verse, prayer, and all that unless they are also trying to convince themselves to have more faith in a set of beliefs that they're not entirely sold on. This isn't 100% of the time, but it's something you see in people whose faith is not very strong. People who have ironclad faiths and hold consistent ideologies tend to rely more on personal interpretation of faith, for good or ill. You see this all over BG3 in the people that are more confident in their beliefs, as well. Isobel, Orin, and Z'rell are three wildly different angles on that, for example. It's really all over the game in the NPCs.
That second point is the more important one here. Shadowheart, in Act One, is constantly talking about her goddess. If she's not hiding the artifact from you, she's couching an event in concern over what Shar would think of how she behaved. Like she's still a scared child who doesn't know how to handle what's happening around her despite being completely capable in scenarios as hectic as melee combat with ogres. The difference shines bright as day if you play a follower of Selûne and push back on her beliefs, though you do of course get a lot of vitriol in the beginning. Even so, it's clear that Shadowheart knows something is off about Shar whenever confronted with actual Sharran activity/belief, but she's been brainwashed and abused so horrendously that she constantly tries to "correct" herself to appease her abuser.
Selûne, however, isn't really a "part" of Shadowheart's quest in the same way as Shar. The Moonmaiden is not an active participant, she is not a guiding hand or even a faint idea in Shadowheart's thought processes because of how intense the memory blending got for her. The most we ever really get of Selûne's opinion comes from external sources (pretty much entirely from Shadowheart's parents, Isobel, and Aylin when she's not PROCLAIMING DIVINE RIGHTS.) To the Moonmaiden, Shadowheart is really just another of her many, many children spread throughout the Realms. Yet, Shadowheart retains that sense of inherent goodness that Selûne instils in her followers.
Unlike the Lady of Loss, Selûne's indifference isn't hateful or spiteful at all. For Selûne, the ultimate goal of any of her followers is to find themselves. To illuminate who they are meant to be by moonlight. Two of her domains in 3rd edition are Protection and Travel, and in 5e she has Knowledge as well, while one of her "mantles" (the domain equivalent for psionics) is Freedom. She wants to give her followers the ability to freely tread whichever road will lead to self-actualization.
Selûne demands almost nothing of her own followers so long as they act according to the basic tenets of a traditionally Chaotic Good deity. She accepts flaws, faults, and failures in her clerics as much as she rewards strengths, virtues, and victories. There is no divine intervention from Selûne because she accepts Shadowheart intrinsically as long as Shadowheart finds herself. All it took for Selûne to take Shadowheart back after forty years of being a fanatical Sharran was saving one person, and trusting one of two people that we know she's let in for that forty years (the PC, as well as possibly Nocturne) — Selûne sees that she's an abuse victim at the heart of it all.
Side-note: Selûne's primary holy symbol is two eyes surrounded by stars. She is always a passive witness to her clerics' deeds. I don't think I need to get into that symbolism.
Whenever given the chance, Shadowheart values freedom incredibly highly. Even in someone she can take the entire game to warm up to, such as Lae'zel. Her dialogue after Lae'zel denounces Vlaakith speaks directly to this. It's seen repeatedly in her comments on other characters' personal quests such as Astarion, or Karlach, and with Lorroakan's intent on imprisoning Aylin in Act 3.
Once Shadowheart is pulled away from Shar's influence in the end of Act 2/early Act 3, she is... not a completely different person, but she is absolutely a calmer individual that also allows her emotions to surface more intensely. If you're romancing her by Act 2, she confesses that she wants to be with the PC (forever) IMMEDIATELY after being punished horrifically by Shar; she progresses the romance far faster once Shar is out of her brain; she cries, alone, in front of the PC if she chooses to listen to her parents and spare herself from Shar while also killing them. She's known this entire time that she's purposefully holding parts of herself back, and this is her immediate reaction to being set free.
Of course, it's a video game and things aren't always perfectly paced, especially considering the implementation of the Long Rest system. Much of this interpretation requires you to accept that.
After the small dialogue about Shar's intervention after the Gauntlet, the narrator comments that you're not sure if telling Shadowheart where her divine power now comes from will break her spirit forever. That's interesting, and it makes her almost manic change to "I have to be with this person forever" in the romance so utterly sad. Shadowheart is an almost textbook depiction of someone who struggles immensely with vulnerability and emotional openness due to childhood neglect and abuse. Even worse, she's been suffering that neglect and abuse for forty-plus years and she cannot remember what life was like before the time when she constantly yearned for the approval of her abuser. When she's set free and given the appropriate space to manage her feelings (all of the times she asks to be given space/asks the PC to respect her boundaries), support from friends and loved ones in the way Larian handled the camp crew's reactions to everyone's personal quests, and a purpose in life that extends beyond her abuser, she flourishes almost immediately.
To Selûne, Shadowheart is simply another person finding themselves in a world that's incredibly difficult to navigate. Under Shar's domination, Shadowheart will never be anything more than a useful puppet that dances happily whenever her goddess asks, pleased to be what she thinks is useful as she wears the false title of Dark Justiciar. With Selûne watching but not pushing, Shadowheart can be free of everything but her own choices, her own mistakes and victories. Her own person, freed from expectation.
P.S. "Breaking out of toxic thought patterns" is a common thread in the companion romances and quests. In a similar way to how Astarion uses sexuality to mask a part of himself in his romance, Shadowheart sees all this time she's spent holding herself back as an excuse to reverse course and accelerate ridiculously fast by comparison.
My point is, she is a U-Haul Lesbian.
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deathbxnny · 11 days
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Ik i already sent a request to you but.. once you said you’re also accepting JJK requests. I just had to. I hope you dont mind this
Ok so im not into JJK as much as i am into Genshin and HSR and all but im aware of season 1 plot and some of season 2. But can i request Gojo and Geto with an underclassmen who they have a sibling like relationship die and came back as a curse spirit? (While this request have them together, you can make them seperate if you want)
Here the context:
So the reader is a year below Gojo and Geto. After some time since you guys met, the two of them sees the reader as their cute little sibling and in return the reader sees them as their cool big brothers. All was fine until the reader died from a mission. How did the reader die? They dont know. Both of them werent told how the reader died but if there’s one thing they were sure of, the reader wasnt killed by Jujutsu. Because what other explanations do they have when they see you come back as a vengeful spirit? A vengeful spirit they need to take out.
So in the JJK wiki, it is said that “Sorcerers must also be killed with Jujutsu or they can become a vengeful cursed spirit after death” Which makes a very good angsty sceanrio dont you think?
Hope you have a great day/night!
- Flower Anon 🌸
Hey there, Flower anon!! I absolutely love this idea, and thank you very much for the tasty angst. I've been itching to write some jjk angst, haha. Also, regarding your other request for the second part to the Lyney x reader one-shot, just know that I will make it in a separate post to your ask due to formatting issues! But either way, I hope you meanwhile enjoy this!<33
Content: Heavy angst, platonic relationships, Geto is deeply depressed, Gojo is in denial, hurt/no comfort, reader is a year younger than both of them, vague descriptions of readers death, mentions of blood/injuries, vague descriptions of jjk canon violence, sfw
Reader has no set pronouns!
Inspired by the song "Death" by Melanie Martinez
((Not fully proofread))
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Back from the dead.
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At first, you appeared in the flickers of lights, in the corners of mirrors, in the shadows casted by trees and their own bodies, in reflections of windows and water, in gruesome, awful dreams.
And then you began being there in larger ways. You'd stand behind them, follow them around, no matter where they went, no matter where they looked, you were right there.
It was easy to ignore you at first, act like you didn't exist, like you were just a part of their traumatised, exhausted imagination. When was the last time they had slept properly? Perhaps the day before your funeral. Your face was plastered everywhere, a smile gracing it like it always did, an excited, pure one for a sorcerer. But there was nothing to be excited about anymore.
Maybe that's why you looked so sad now, as you stood in front of them in this classroom that was reserved for people a year older than you'll ever be.
Suguru wondered if you felt guilty for taking the color of their world away with you when you died.
"You know... denial never suited you, 'toru." You whispered quietly to Satoru, breaking this suffocating silence at last. Your body leaned against the desk a row in front of him. It all felt so casual, as though everything was perfectly fine. You never left. You simply came back a little different.
This was the first thing you've ever said since you've come back, Suguru then solemnly realised in his depressive haze. He nearly didn't hear you and wished he hadn't either. Your voice sounded distorted, like it didn't belong to you at all. But it was still you... wasn't it?
The only visible sign that Satoru meanwhile had even heard you was in a stutter of his hands that in turn messed up his text to Shoko again. He took a deep breath and exhaled shakily. What was he even texting her for again? Maybe for help? For a way out? "I'm seeing things again, Shoko. They're talking now." That's what your colorless eyes could read off his broken phone screen, which made you frown a little. You knew he'd never want to upset you. But he never wanted to face you again. Not like this.
It was so unlike him too, wasn't it? He hadn't been the same for a while now.
It was late in the afternoon by then, the orange hue filtering into the empty classroom through the blinds. An awfully nostalgic feeling that was now filled with tense bitterness. A past filled with laughter and joking now seemingly disappearing into the smoke of the burning incense sticks nearby.
Neither of them had said a single word for the entire duration of your little "hang out" session. Suguru simply leaned his head against his palm, gaze turned to a far away point in the darkening horizon outside, as the sun bid it's last warm goodbye. He took a deep breath, words shaky and filled with a deep exhaustion, not even his dear best friend could ever come close to feeling.
"Let him be... he'll come around eventually." The blackhaired boy muttered back to you, not bothering to look at your bloody, dead form anymore. He had come to terms with it a while ago. Or at least, visibly, he has.
Gojo just took a little longer in accepting your death, is all. Neither of them really knew who was handling the situation worse.
"Who are you talking to, Suguru?" There it was again, the odd denial the white-haired teen had drowned himself in. You never thought that he'd be the one to end up like this. You figured that Suguru would've had it harder, but perhaps this was just one of the many new things you've learned as a spirit. "Stop it, Satoru... you're not helping with any of this. It's just... making things worse." Gojo's teasing smile twitched, his head turning to look at his friend before he seemed to slowly deflate into his seat. You probably could only imagine how red and puffy his eyes were behind the sunglasses he refused to take off nowadays.
But in a way, you must've also understood why he was this way. How couldn't you?
Your death was untimely, unexplainable. No one knew what happened, and your body was never found either. One day, you were absolutely excited about going on a mission with your two favorite seniors, four hours later, you were missing, and a week later, you were declared as dead. The only proof they really had was a piece of your bloody uniform floating in a river nearby where the mission was supposed to take place. Other than that, there was no trace of anything else regarding you.
Suguru wished they would've at least had something to bury you with. Your casket was empty. And Satoru was ashamed to admit that he dared open the lid in a desperate attempt to see if you were in there after all. Just hiding, waiting to jump out and scare him. But seeing nothing made him break.
Everything got worse when you reappeared as this, however. A vengeful spirit that simply followed the both of them everywhere. You were relentless. And yet, neither of them could ever find a single trace of anger on you. Their guilt was heavy enough to make up for it, though.
It didn't help that Satoru refused to talk about it, even when they knew what they had to do. You only ever appeared around them, and both of them had made the unspoken decision to deal with you themselves. They felt like they had caused your death indirectly. The what if's kept piling up higher and higher until it eventually brought them here.
They thought that they were finally ready to move on, but oh, how wrong they were. It was so hard to see you as a simple spirit to exercise when you still looked like yourself most of the time. It just got bad when you looked dead. They couldn't hide behind their excuses and delusions when you looked like this.
Time ticked on and the silence was deafening again. You leaned in close to Satoru, glossy eyes staring into his side profile. "Stop ignoring me. I know what you're here for." You hummed, face devoid of any emotion. But the constant dripping of the blood that poured out of your nose and lips made Gojo close his eyes for a second longer and gulp down the painful lump in his throat. It was childish, absolutely stupid. But maybe... if he acted like you weren't there like always... then you wouldn't be. You were just a hallucination, surely. Neither of them had slept or eaten properly in months. He just had to pray that you'll go away, finally find the peace you were looking for.
But when he opened his eyes and you were still there, he just bit his lip. He couldn't take any of this anymore.
"Tell them to go away, Suguru. Please." "So you're finally done pretending now?" The blackhaired male asked, glancing back at his friend for the first time in hours. The great Satoru Gojo. The strongest of them all. Now reduced to nothing more than a miserable teen at your death. It would've been funny if he wasn't actually losing it right now.
Suguru shook his head at the lack of response before getting out of his chair and standing over the white-haired sorcerer. "Let's go outside." He said, not waiting for the other to agree before pushing past you. Or rather through you. He shoved his hands into his pockets to hide this really was for him. As expected, however, he heard Satoru's footsteps following behind him with ease. Typical.
The walk was silent and rather aimless. Neither of them knew where they were going. But their subconsciousness seemed to know. Suguru's body felt heavy, like he was dragging and fighting himself with every next step he took. He felt uneven and unbalanced. Like he'll fall over and break apart at any moment, and he doubted Satoru would be able to glue him together with shaky hands and teary eyes.
Geto pulled a hand through his black hair, strands unkempt and messy as they fell down hus shoulders. He caught a glance at his face in a mirror, the dark circles, even darker eyes staring back at him near accusingely. The anger and festering hate hidden under a thick layer of sadness.
"They weren't killed by a sorcerer." He suddenly said when they arrived at the schools courtyard. Satoru glanced at him, frowning a little. "Why does it matter now?" He asked, yet his best friend didn't bother answering. Why should he bother when the white-haired male was unwilling to wake up to reality. Instead, he stared at the Sakura trees filling the area, the ones you loved the most. And as expected, you stood right under them.
Your hands were clasped behind your back, smile so gentle and serene, that it made it look like you were simply waiting on them as always. And in a way, you were indeed doing so. Geto was thankful that your consciousness was strong enough for you to realise what was going to happen next. "Can you do it, Satoru?" He whispered, voice so soft, that it made Gojo actually consider it for a moment. But despite always having prided himself in being the strongest, he just stood still. Suguru couldn't help but smile tiredly at him. Perhaps the other boy would be happy about this if his smile didn't seem so bitter and exhausted. Like it took up all of his energy to force the corner of his lips to go up.
"I think they are the one thing I could never exorcize." "I'm glad you're being honest... I can't do it either." The two boys approached the empty bench next to your form before simply sitting down. There was a large gap between them, one reserved for you.
Your smile stretched wider as you took their silent offer of defeat and took a seat as well.
Gojo tensed when you leaned your head against his shoulder, a familiar melody leaving your lips. Suguru leaned his arms on his knees and listened to you, eyes closing with a tired sigh. Perhaps playing pretend was easier. Perhaps you were never meant to leave them in the first place. Maybe one day someone would free them from you, someone who was stronger, someone who wasn't ever going to be them.
You were back from the dead, and they figured it was better than you having left them for good.
If only they could ignore the mangled state of your body too.
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Alright, I'm sorry this took so long! I also don't think it's that good, but I hope you like it anyway, Flower Anon! I've been super busy with work and everything else going on in my life, so I'm glad to post anything at this point. Anyhow, thank you again for this great request!<33
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weirdmarioenemies · 1 year
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Name: Mario Land
Debut: Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins
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So I was lying awake in bed, thinking. What is up with Mario Land? Everyone knows that the setting of the first Super Mario Land game is Sarasaland. Nintendo loves to vaguely allude to it in character descriptions for Princess Daisy! But where does Super Mario Land 2 take place? Well, it’s in Mario Land, of course! Now, Super Mario Land does not take place in Mario Land. It takes place in a Land, in which Mario is a participant, but he doesn’t own the Land, just as he doesn’t own the World or the Galaxy. But he does own Mario Land!
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Nothing is really clear about how Mario came to own Mario Land. Nintendo Power once described it as his ‘kingdom’, while the Wiki describes it as Mario’s ‘private island’. Lots of people immediately remark on how odd it is that Mario owns a castle in this game, and they’re right! It is odd! We don’t think of Mario as an avaricious man. He is a humble, working class individual. He lives in a cottage with his brother despite being a world-renowned hero. Except here, where he owns an entire landmass, with a castle! My personal canon, in my head, was that Peach or someone else gifted him with a large chunk of land and a castle as a reward for his heroic deeds. It seems the most likely, given what we know about Mario! But why couldn’t he settle for a vacation home, or anything of the sort? Why are we placing the responsibility of land ownership on such a modest soul? 
I think what is the strangest thing about Mario Land, to me, is that despite being Mario’s Land, it is so devoid of allies. Mario Land is vast and untamed, a collection of wacky themed zones filled with creatures entirely hostile to Mario! There are no maids or servants from Mario’s Castle, who fled Wario’s invasion. There are no Toads or Toad houses to aid Mario in his quest. Mario is entirely alone in a Land that bears his name, but his name only. Once his only symbol of power, his castle, is gone, Mario is back where he began, all alone in this foreign land. All the material goods in the world could not fill the void of - wait I’m sorry I completely forgot a key detail of Mario Land 2’s plot is that Wario put all of Mario Land’s inhabitants under a spell! False alarm everyone!
Everyone in Mario Land is actually Super Nice actually and was just brainwashed by Wario, who has the power of dark magic. The Big Bird from Tree Zone and the Octopus from Turtle Zone, and also Spikey, they all love Mario and see him as their king. I was gonna say the Witch too, but it seems the witch was Wario’s friend. Or are they Wario’s minions? If so, where are the inhabitants of Mario Land? Are they in hiding? We never see them! Who does Mario rule over? Is Spikey a wild animal? A brainwashed citizen of Mario’s country? Or an ally of the wicked and greedy Wario?
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And of course, we have to discuss the matter of the Mario Zone. Mario was not content with having a Land, he needed to have a Zone in that Land, which is also Mario! It is actually one big Mario, a mechanical automaton built in his likeness. Mario has always expressed an interest in making toys of himself, as we see in the Mario Vs. Donkey Kong series, so it stands to reason that his major construction project would be just that, but bigger! 
Or maybe the Mario Zone always existed, before Mario came to Mario Land. Maybe it’s named Mario Land because one of its most famous natural formations is a giant wind-up toy that looks like Mario! And Mario’s Castle is named that by coincidence. I don’t know! I don’t have answers to any questions, ever! I literally don’t know anything! I’m going to bed!
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Just kidding! I’m not going to bed. This post is a bit, um... rambly. But I thought it would be a shame to conclude it without appreciating how whimsical Mario Land is as a whole! There is a giant pumpkin with haunted woods inside it! There is a hippo that takes you to space! There is a turtle that swallows you and takes you underwater to a whale! There is a house that is just kind of a normal house but forces you to be really small to enter it! But I probably don’t need to tell you all that! It’s kind of what makes SML2 so wonderful! 
Would YOU live in Mario land? Would you want a monarchy as long as Super Mario is your benevolent ruler? What do you think of the giant turtle? Please let us know what you think of the giant turtle in the comments below. I don’t know. 
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zarla-s · 8 months
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Man it's been a long time since I've done an ask cluster! Let's see if I can get some down...
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He's an extremely fun character to write for and play with! So in that sense I'm fond of him, haha. He's such a huge disaster of a person, there's always something fun to do with him. Well "fun" in a relative sense.
I don't have anything to forgive him for, he didn't hurt me. |D He hurt the brothers!
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I do have an idea for a cute feature inspired by Six-Eared Macaque! I should really sit down and do that already... and finish the one I half started but never finished...
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I don't think my opinion on any of them changed! I love them all, haha. Which ones I drew comics about just depends on which ones I get ideas for really. Sometimes I get Alphys ideas and sometimes I get Goatparents ideas! Inspiration is fickle!
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I don't have any solid plans or anything. :B Just gonna keep chugging along with silly comics and art! Work on Defrag and such. I'd like to finish a Ladyverse comic I've had lying around forever, and I had vague plans for doing a doujin for them too I could work on... and also seeing if I could format Handplates into a book format... I've always got a bunch of projects, haha.
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It works on that level! It wasn't intentional though. |D
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I do enjoy speculation! I don't really have much of my own though, I didn't predict anything in chapter 2 so now I'm assuming I can't predict anything in the future chapters either, haha.
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Emesis Blue is great! Some really beautiful visuals in there, very striking! Love the mood of it too and a lot of the surreal imagery. I think it helped spur me back into TF2 again, haha. Medic and Scout's relationship was so cute.
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I have thought about this! It has its share of challenges though... I outlined them more in this post. A pdf would be more doable though... could even include some extra stuff as well! Hmm...
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I can see that! He'd probably spend as much time out in the rain as he could just doing whatever to stay outside.
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It was pretty much always going to end like that. I always wanted it to end on a hopeful note! Which might seem weird with how dark it is at the beginning. I DID for a brief period at the very beginning of Handplates think about stopping with the Pacifist run, but that was only because I thought going where I wanted to go would take too long and already the project seemed so dauntingly huge at the time, haha. But it was always going to end in a positive way!
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Gaster talks about what he originally intended to create here, and he explains a bit about the physical experiments he runs on the brothers here. They aren't really a solution in and of themselves so much as tools to try and find a way to break the barrier. Really though, Gaster got stuck in the sunk-cost fallacy lol.
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I don't really have opinions about what canon Gaster would be like. |D Handplates Gaster is his own thing really. Canon Gaster, who knows! Deltarune Gaster, who knows! I will say I hope Gaster stays a mystery in Deltarune and never actually shows up but I think the odds of that are really low at this point.
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I thought about doing a script along those lines! I did a few rough drafts of one, but it never really went anywhere... it'd end up dead-ending or kind of meandering off. I might see if I can get an actual script down for a side-comic or something in the future... it might be better suited for a fic.
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I was just thinking about this lately! I was picturing Gaster totally forgetting about that until he sees Papyrus squinting and is like OH GOD YOUR EYES THAT'S RIGHT D: and goes to get him looked at lol.
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I couldn't come up with a good idea for Flowey which is a shame, I do like him, haha. If one comes to me though I might make a little side comic about it!
Gaster's LV is complicated... his stats in-game are ludicrous if I recall correctly. Did he carry the damage from his murders into the void, even if those murders weren't his in the new timeline? Deep thoughts.
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He fed them anything he could find, haha. Which is why sometimes they just ended up with chocolate bars (which he intended as dinner for himself). He probably fed them more often than he fed himself lol. He did feed them fairly regularly though.
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Not about skeletons, probably. |D
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Man I know I had an explanation for this but it was so long ago... it's hard for me to remember. It could be that the Riverperson is just weird and has weird insight into elements of things, had a prophetic dream... I don't know! It bugs me now that I can't remember this, haha.
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sky-fire-forever · 5 months
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Responding to your line that you put in the water for izzyxreader asks —
Maybe reader is super tough all the time, and so they and Izzy bond over repressing feelings and everything, and then Izzy goes through his transformation and healing era and the reader feels abandoned because everyone on this crew is touchy-feely and now they’re all alone in putting mind over emotion
But then they find out some really bad news (maybe they lost a loved one or something) and fall apart at the seams, and Izzy is there to pick up the pieces
Idk
[AN: I try to leave it vague as to what the bad news actually is, so I'll leave it to your imagination! This is my first time writing X Reader fic, so I hope it's any good! Also, I am posting this on mobile, so I apologize for any formatting errors]
FALLING APART [IZZY HANDS X GENDER NEUTRAL READER]
Izzy Hands is the only one on the ship who understands you. Or so you thought.
These days, it doesn't seem like anyone understands you at all. Izzy included.
It used to be you and Izzy against the world. The two of you understood what it means to be pirates: It means bottling up the fear and the sadness and the… all of it. It means facing the world with a brave face despite how you might feel inside.
You both understood that. Once.
Izzy seems to have forgotten. He wears his emotions on his face now. He talks about them. He wears the title of Unicorn with pride. Things that Izzy wouldn't have been caught dead doing once upon a time.
It seems so easy for him now. He sits with the crew, smiles with them, congratulates them on a job well done. He belongs with them.
And all you can do is watch.
You're almost envious of his ability to change, to grow. It was less lonely being an outsider when Izzy was on the outside with you. Now, you just have to look in and watch as he builds this fantasy family. You wonder how much it will hurt him when it comes tumbling down.
"You could join us, you know," Izzy tells you one night as the crew huddles together by the light and you stand on your own. "No point in you drinking all alone."
You scoff and wave him off. "I don't do well with people." It's an old excuse, one you've used for years.
Just as he always has, Izzy sees through it. "You don't need to push them away. They're... not what we thought they were."
You narrow your eyes at him. "Just because you've gone soft doesn't mean we all will."
Izzy looks at you with something like sadness in his eyes. "The invitation's open."
But it wasn't an invitation you could accept.
Not until later, when a letter comes for you.
As you read it, your hands begin to shake. Your vision gets blurry as your eyes fill with tears. Before you know it, your entire body is trembling.
"Fuck," you whisper. "Fuck!" You shout it at the sea, crumpling the letter in your fist and hurling it at the ocean.
You can never catch a break, can you? The world loves punishing you no matter what you do. People like you don't get a happy ending.
That's something you've always known. You're a pirate and pirates' lives are full of bloodshed and misery and death. A happy ending has never been in the cards for you. Hell, you never even expected a happy middle.
You've never seen the point in crying over the shitty hand you've been dealt. Expressing emotions changes nothing, fixes nothing. So what's the point?
But in this moment, you can't hold it all in. You fall to your knees as tears hit your cheeks. You sob so hard you can hardly breathe. The world around you becomes a blur as you begin to cry.
Strong hands come to wrap around you. Your first instinct is to fight, to shove away whoever is offering you comfort. But you're just too tired and weak to bother.
"I've got ya. I've got you, love." Izzy's soothing voice washes over you as he pulls you into his lap. "I'm here."
Not long ago, the idea of Izzy Hands gently holding you as you fall apart would have been laughable. But here you sit, curled up against his chest as he rubs circles into your back.
You hiccup, trying desperately to regain some control over your breathing. "H-Hurts," you whimper through the tears. "Fuck, it hurts."
"I know," Izzy says softly. "I know, love. I know it hurts. Just let it all out, yeah?"
He presses a kiss to your temple and you squeeze your eyes shut. Sob after sob wrecks through you and you're powerless to stop it.
There's a reason you keep your emotions to yourself. Crying is painful and it's weakness and it fucking sucks. Why would you choose it if you could lock it all away instead?
But somehow crying in Izzy's arms doesn't feel quite as bad as you feared. It still fucking hurts, but he holds you through it, whispering gentle assurances all the while.
And when you've finally cried yourself out, a part of you feels… lighter. Like a great burden has been lifted from your shoulders and all it took was falling apart.
"Shit. I'm sorry," you mutter as you wipe your eyes on the back of your sleeve.
"Nothing to apologize for," Izzy says. "How are you feelin'?"
You hesitate before answering. "Better," you admit somewhat grumpily.
He smiles like he knows how much it pains you to admit that crying helped. "It's easier to fall apart when someone will help pick up the pieces." He reaches up to cup your cheek, brushing away a few stray tears with his thumb.
You swallow and if you had any tears left to shed, you're certain you'd start crying all over again.
Instead, you just wrap your arms around Izzy and hold him close, burying your face in his neck.
"Thank you," you whisper.
He holds you close like it's easy to do it. Like being there for you isn't the burden you know it must be. "Always, love."
And you believe him.
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minecraftbookshelf · 3 months
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In the Marriage of State au what are the naming traditions for the different empires. Like in some cultures people are named in a set way or set time after birth and I was wondering considering the different lifespans, way of life, (and with the sea folk) way of birth, and varying different religions how that would go with the different empires
So for most of the empires I actually haven't really thought of How Names except for the ones that I have where I have thought about it In Detail.
(This is mostly the fae/adjacent people and the sea-folk)
For the Sea Folk my main thought is that, if they are the variety that only have one or two eggs at a time, they give names to the eggs once they pass a certain point in development. These names are formatted like nicknames, but are considered the infants first, official name and older family members will often refer to the individual by that for their entire life. (Lizzie's nickname for Jimmy does not translate well at all. In most surface languages it more or less directly translates to "small damaged egg" which leaves out the Oceanic connotations of "beat the odds and lived"). Some Sea Folk have much larger clusters of eggs, and a much lower survival rate of said eggs. These children generally aren't named until well after they've hatched, when they've demonstrated they will likely be surviving. Jimmy and Lizzie are actually technically closer to the second option, though they aren't quite either. However Jimmy was the only surviving egg out of the entire God Roe, so Lizzie named him partly out of spite and partly out of desperate loneliness.
I talked a little bit about Names and Titles in Katherine's How To Become an Emperor for Dummies post. The Fae collect names their entire lives, the core of which is their True Name. (Katherine's is Katherine Elizabeth). Fae are not named when they are born, they discover their names themselves. They spend their childhoods going by various nicknames, usually called different things by different people. Based off the relevant relationships. Once they discover their name they "stabilize" and it becomes very obvious to other fae that they have figured out Who They Are.
I have a sort of vague idea of Mezaleans earning a new name after passing through the Mother Tree but nothing concrete there.
Rivendell...Rivendell names are another thing I've adapted from Tolkien's work. It isn't exact but is very, very much based off of it. Elves are given one name at birth and one name before they leave the home for the first time. Their first name is usually given by the parent who carried them and is name given using Foresight (of the vaguely prophetic variety) about Who The Child Will Be. This is not a name that is shared outside of the immediate family, everyone else during this time when it is the only name the child has refers to them as "son/daughter/child of [head of household name]" (They do keep the patronyms as well, though those aren't usually used outside of official documents, once this phase of life is finished) Before they leave the home for the first time, their other parent (or one of their other parents, if relevant) gives them a name based off of observations of who the child is now. This will be the name by which they are introduced to society and the world at large. (These names are often shorthanded as Mother/Father names, though it is worth noting that these terms are more related to roles as opposed to genders, culturally speaking) Of these two names, their Mother/First name is kept private their entire lives, and functions much the same as a True Name, carrying with it a lot of the same power. The Father/Second name is less integral to their identity as a person. For example, Scott Smajor. Scott is his Mother Name and Smajor his Father Name. So Smajor is how most people know and refer to him. Xornoth is actually a bit of an outlier here, and is also the reason i have such settled world-building. Because Xornoth is not their mother name or father name. It is a name they gave themself. Their first two names are, culturally, dead names; in a way that has absolutely nothing to do with gender and everything to do with expectations and perceptions.
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have-you-been-here · 4 months
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Welcome to Have You Been Here, a blog that gages where tumblr has been!
If you'd like to submit a place, please read the entire FAQ under the cut BEFORE you send it in!
FAQ
Q: What kind of places can be included?
A: Anywhere! Places can be as specific or as vague as you'd like: both The Milky Way and 123 Main Street, Frankfort, Kentucky, USA are both perfectly fine!
Q: Where should I submit?
A: Use the ask box! After opening a ticket with tumblr, it turns out submissions and polls are not compatible.
Q: What should I include in my ask?
Q: How do I make sure I don't submit a place that's already been added to the queue?
A: When you submit a post, please include: A picture of the place, the name of the place, and the location of the place, if applicable. You must include the country. Please. PLEASE include the country.
Do not include anything else!
The preferred format is image first, then text in big letters.
A: Use this link to see a spreadsheet of every place that's been posted and added to the queue. Do NOT submit the same place multiple times!
Q: Anon is off, but I don't want my username attached to my submission. Am I out of luck?
A: Not at all! If you'd like to submit a place anonymously, send in an ask as usual and mention that you'd like it to be anonymous. I'll take the submission and make a separate post without tagging you. The ask will be answered privately so you know that I've seen it and added it to the queue without your name involved.
Q: It's been a while, but my place still hasn't been posted! Did you delete it?
A: Probably not! The queue posts six times a day, and there are a LOT of posts in the queue and in my inbox! I don't add posts in the order that they were submitted, so it's likely that your place hasn't been queued yet. The only reason I delete asks is if the place has already been posted or added to the queue!
Q: I run a similar gimmick blog and would love to tag eachother for publicity!
A: Awesome! I'm all for it; send me a dm from your gimmick blog and I'll tag you at the end of this post :)
Happy travels!
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the-s1lly-corner · 9 months
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Hello how are you :3? I was wondering if you could write E.J., Hoodie, and Masky with a s/o that has a lot of scars? (Toby too but platonic for him) I’m not sure how many people we can request so if it’s too many just Hoodie? I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable and thank you!
Various!Creepypastas w/ a scarred!reader
waaaah im so sorry for not seeing this sooner! i didnt recieve a notification for this ask!! really theres no limit to how many characters you can send in! i think my personal max varies from prompt to prompt!! mix of how they approach the concept of a scarred lover (friend in tobys case) with some hints of fluff! cause of scars will be vague as admittedly i didnt know if you meant general scars or SH! side note i hope this posts right! im writing this on my computer, im used to mobile!! + apologies for any weird wording or typos, im listening to music and im getting hyped!! not proof read we die like my spiderverse brainrot
Includes: Eyeless Jack, Hoodie, Masky and Platonic!Toby!
CWs: touch and go talk of potential past trauma, body image issues, vague mentions of SH(?) in EJs part + Toby's parts
admittedly admin doesnt know if its technically SH due to the nature and motiv but personally id still count it as such and tag it as such
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Eyeless Jack;
he gets it, he really does. the basic run down of my hc/take on ej is that he wasnt always some flesh eating monster; just some dude who got caught up in some bad stuff
so naturally, he doesnt... really vibe well with the concept of eating human flesh, which can lead to a few... instances. from intentionally to accidentally harming himself while hes lost in his instincts
so hes no stranger to being a little roughed up around the edges
but hes a stranger to comforting; he'll likely approach it from a logical side before trying anything else. "you've been hurt," before going on a small tangent about the formation of scars. hes not the most... emotionally... good... available... person
so youre going to need to lay out the general basis for what you need for basic comfort, on days where your scars become an issue; be is needing comfort or a distraction. it may take him a while, but hell eventually start to pick up on cues and hints as your relationship develops
otherwise hes very neutral about them, again approaching them with a blunt view; seeing it as neither good nor bad. he doesnt draw attention to them, but he doesnt act like theyre gross
really just. vibing with it, doesnt make a huge deal of it since he feels he doesnt have any place to judge, nor does he feel its his business to pry for information
solid 6/10 imo, hell comfort you if you express that you need it but hell likely not go out of his way to do it
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Hoodie;
Soft touches, he almost does it before he has your permission to touch you
naturally he has his own fair share of scars from various.. activities
really im still all jumbled up with how i wanna write him and masky; not sure if i want to make them like how they are in their MH source or lean into the proxy thing that was prominent in the early days of the fandom... lowkey leaning into the proxy thing for this post because im more... versed..? in that, but anyhow
hes more upfront and compassionate than eyeless jack, in fact hes probably the most caring out of the four in todays post... maybe thats because i read one (1) fic years back that changed my entire approach to his character but! yeah
subconsciously trails his hands on them when the two of you are holding one another; something gentle and intimate, not too obnoxious to make you self conscious, but not careful enough to go unnoticed
i view hoodie, and by extension brian if i end up considering him and tim fully seperate from their 'proxy' parts, as a very tactile person
true to the popular fanon interpretation, hoodie doesnt speak much. but that only makes him a better listener, so on days where things get hard, hell let you talk his ears off with anything thats bothering you. very rarely, hell speak up and offer some words of advice, most times hell inch closer to grasp you. though it does get awkward since most the time hes just. blankly staring at you silently without emoting or saying a word
overall? personally hes a 7/10 for me, i would rank him higher if he were more verbal, but thats just because admin has an easier time venting if its a two way convo; but overall hell make sure that your scars dont effect your worth
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Masky;
very similarly to hoodie, masky also has his own set of scars for the same reasons
he probably starts pointing out his own scars to you and mumbles about where they came from if he knows their origins
this doesnt mean "oh hes invalidating your experiences and hes trying to make it about himself," but more so "hes showing that he really does get it and he doesnt mean to talk over you"
much like EJ he approaches scars with a very blunt and upfront mindset, but to a lesser extent. he admits that whatever led up to the tissue forming, it hurt. emotionally and physically, and hes not going to deny that simple fact. hell listen to you, have a conversation with you about it, and try to help you through whatever you may be currently going through regardless of if youre injury is relevant.
or at least, thats what hes trying to do.
hes still has his own personal issues regarding going about his own problems in a healthy manner but hey thats something for another post; maybe, if i remember
honestly this post doesnt have enough fluff imo, and i can kinda see masky doing this, but imagine he boops his mask against your scars in a mockery of a kiss (doesnt take off his mask often, in fact youll probably never ever see him without it on), i can see jack doing this too tbh
thoughts? 8/10, gets the bonus points for being less awkward to rant to imo, plus i think asides ej, i think i have a bias for masky for the simple fact i had the fattest crush on him when i was in middle school
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Toby;
okay! this one is going to be interesting for one main reason! i actually havent touched tobys character in YEARS! so hes probably going to have the shorter list... obligatory i havent built any solid hcs for him past what was going on in the fandom in the 2010s, before toby briefly became a mild discomfort... but we're back in business baby!! (^^ dont feel bad for requesting for toby btw! hes no longer a discomfort, and if i didnt want to write for him i wouldnt be including him right here!!)
obviously we cant talk about his part without talking about his cheek. and other, similar hcs. while i dont think most of the self inflicted marks on his body were from a place of.. for lack of better words, darkness; it doesnt change the fact he still has them. i think a lot of them are from the fact he cant feel anything; accidental burns, gnawing through his cheek, digging his fingers deep into himself. really i could go into detail, but due to the aforementioned fact that my take on him isnt as developed as other characters + i really dont think its appropriate for this post (or really, anywhere on this account,), ill stop there
while he cant relate to the physical pain of what caused your scars, he can sympathize through your feelings. do you feel sorrow, or anger to whoever hurt you? hell be getting worked up right with you, because to him youre one of his closest friends
i feel like he doesnt talk much about his past, regarding his family. but hed tell you, and you can sure as hell bet that hell do his absolute damndest to grant you the same feeling of security.
hell probably touch and prod without truly meaning any harm, but thats because he can have problems with boundaries, but hell listen if you sit him down and tell him it makes you uncomfortable if it does
more so emotional than outwardly... supportive? idk the words, but hes very empathetic with you and tries to relate to you through emotion rather than feeling what you felt. honestly? kinda based for that, but maybe thats because i dont see feelings about this topic being touched on, usually its straight up about how the scar makes the person look or the physical trauma they had gone through, but idk, maybe thats just a me thing
he can be an asshole at times but hell usually backtrack and cool off somewhere else if you call him out on it imo
not sure if its because as im LITERALLY investigating his characteristics and interpretations as we speak, but i think im starting to relate to him so ER-OH!
anyways, i wish i could make his segment more... in tune with the characters above but its probably going to take me a while until im comfortable with how i portray this dude, which sucks because as a kid he was probably one of my favorites
i dont think im going to give toby a rating like the others; since i dont think i can accurate rate him due to the lack of proper concrete ideas outside of him being empathetic to your emotional pain since he cant relate on how much it hurt
im gonna end this here since im starting to sound like a broken record on tobys part so!
i hope you enjoyed this! characterization may be a little off but i blame that mostly on the fact that i kinda fell out of the loop in regards for writing for these guys (that damn spider movie! the brainrot threw me off my creepypasta grind!/j) but its good to be back writing for this fandom! it was a fun little brain exercise trying to figure out each character goes about this kind of thing without making them all the same!! with that being said, im going to go listen to an audio reading of tobys story so i can regrounded in his character and hopefully do him some justice in the future!
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lookinghalfacorpse · 4 months
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You don't have to respond to this one, but @ your last tags on the found family trope post, I can't say I haven't been curious if anything like that was ever the case. You've been so careful in painting everyone's relationship to be on trust and healthy reliance on one another in times of need, and Techno + Dream definitely have something more intimate and close going on (which I deeply appreciate btw- I couldn't bear it if someone tried to stick itwall!Dream as a brother to Techno, or put him in alongside Wilbur as a son figure to Phil :shudders:), so I'm VERY curious how detailed those thoughts have gotten at any point in time /lh /but genuine
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(talking about my semi-cursed tags on this post)
yes i can talk about this all day !! i think the dynamic that doomsday trio brings is fascinating, and i don't blame those who see it as a nuclear family dynamic because i think the comparison does work in some places, but it's more complicated than that. i touched on it (in vaguely poetic terms) in this post, but i can give more detail here.
c!philza is an old man and an experienced father, and his instinct as a guardian is strong. this is the closest we get to a nuclear family format in itwall; phil definitely calls on some of his skills as a father when he helps dream, but it's a bit more complex than that. phil recognizes that dream is an adult in human years and doesn't need to be babied (hell, he doesn't even baby Wilbur, his own son who's around the same age!). dream needs care, he needs a mentor, and he needs a better self-preservation instinct before he kills himself. i think their relationship is closer to ancient grecian mentorship than fatherhood/sonhood, the only difference is that the mentee is on death's door for a while and needs some extra attention. phil sees himself in dream, dream sees phil as someone he might like to be, and there's a level of mutual respect there.
i also think that techno and dream have a sense of brotherhood, but in the same way that two athletic teammates have a brotherhood. they have a long history of trust between them, with room for playfulness and teasing. there's a lack of touch aversion (which is HUGE for dream), and dream initiates more of their touches (as opposed to phil, where he tends to be more submissive) (i'm thinkin about ch 12 & ch 19).
and, of course, techno & phil have a complicated relationship of their own. i'm always annoyed by headcanons that techno is phil's son-- we see plenty of interactions where they mutually worry over each other and care for each other. the will is Not written like a boy talking to his father. these two are lifelong partners, and that letter is written to someone who techno knows will understand him and trusts to carry out the more sentimental, intangible tasks, like talking to niki and ranboo, with very little instruction.
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highly oversimplified but this is the idea. Techno and dream have similar relationships with phil but it's not really sonhood. all built on trust. they've proven to each other that they will keep each other safe.
and honestly.. none of those relationships would have to exclude sex or intimacy. equals/partners can have sex. comrades can have sex. mentors/mentees can have sex (i think people feel weird about this one, but again: think Ancient Grecian). i have Quite A Few scenes in my head about how their sexual relationships might work (especially in the early days when dream isn't feeling good...). i guess in light of everyone being more open about shipping i would consider writing them, i'd just keep them here instead of ao3.
i think both phil and techno consider dream to be heartstoppingly lovely. i think dream would love to be loved. i think phil&techno and techno&dream may have had some encounters Before the start of itwall, so it would just be a matter of tying it all together.
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studentbyday · 2 months
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30 days of intentionality
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starting this challenge with the goal of taking it one day at a time. i have a hard time doing that these days. i spend more time ruminating on the past or worrying about the future than staying in the present, even if that's when i'm most content. not sure how i'll format my posts and most likely, i'll only do weekly updates bc daily ones are too overwhelming. i'll just go with the flow, trying to trust that everything will end up as it's meant to be and maybe i'll be more productive as focusing primarily on the present moment becomes a habit.
---
1. suo gân (arr. john williams for the ambrosian junior choir): i believe that if everyone lived by the idea of global citizenship and so saw the humanity in every individual from every background, there would be no war. reading the news fills me with fear, sorrow, and anxiety, but i also feel the responsibility to stay informed. did some studying today, more than yesterday, but it was kind of uncomfortable with the state of global politics lurking in the back of my mind. i'm still a little behind on school.
2. souvenir de paganini (chopin): today is not so bad. i'm making progress academically, but i do need to make time for social activities soon or i will get lonely and lose what little motivation i have very quickly.
3. once upon a december (arr. emile pandolfi): sometimes in the face of events and issues much bigger than myself that i have no control over, i feel like my dreams are pointless bc i think there's no way achieving them or trying to achieve them could possibly empower me to make real and important change that can truly benefit many. who knows if the future would even allow me to get that far. there are many things that could change the course of our lives that we don't have control over. but if others in worse situations than me and others much better informed than me can still have hope, then so can i. i didn't do much other than pharmacology and a little bit of philosophy today. i made more progress in pharmacology than expected, but that's only bc i didn't do any psych work. i also earned a few more mastery points on khan academy's integrated math 1 (not a priority, i know, but i wanted an easy win) and started lab tasks. i'm far from done with that, i need to do a little every day... i don't want to let them down! 🥺 (note to self: lying in bed is maybe NOT a good study break activity bc that just makes me not wanna do anything else after that and it's very very very hard to get out of that procrastination rut once i let myself fall into it.) 4. let's stay together (al green): everything should be going well, except i'm easily overwhelmed, and this time, it wasn't in an openly frazzled way, it was in a tired and slightly defeated "what's the point?" way, so i didn't realize it as quickly as i usually do. after some bed rest, cuddles 🧸, listening to steve jobs' commencement speech, and a little yoga, i felt better. "You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future." was something i didn't know i needed to hear today. i modified my to-do list and found that the list of things i "must do" was nearly as long as the list of things i "want to do" 😅
5. kreutzer sonata, movt. 1 (beethoven): pretty sure i've mentioned some of these songs before but...they really fit the mood! sometimes i feel things so strongly that i develop a tightening in my chest that can only be relieved in a scream... since i can't actually scream and i don't actually really like the physical feeling of it, i scream through exercise and music 😅 beethoven is very nice for when i'm feeling very annoyed or angry, especially if it's an anxious kind of angry or if it's anger at injustice/inequality. i can't find a piano solo version that does the fiery spirit of the violin justice. so in the vague future when i actually play this, either i try (and perhaps fail) to replicate that on the piano, or i find a violinist friend who would want to play with me 😅 right now though, imagining how i would physically create that sound on the piano will have to be enough. the prevailing thought/feeling of the day: sometimes i just really wanna believe in the good in people and believe that i can trust (some of) them. i long for that feeling of safety in a broader irl community that i actually belong in. i'm surprised by how often i long for it. but then my negativity is reinforced by news and people's opinions on it.
6. violin sonata no. 1 in g minor, bwv 1001 (j.s. bach): stuff was done. i felt calm/chill throughout the day, but even tho i feel good whenever that happens, it usually means i don't get an extraordinary amount of things done that day (lol since when do i ever). i'm not sure if it's enough, as there is still lots to do and i'm pretty sure that it's just wishful thinking that i'll achieve all my goals for this week by its end. i need to cut down my goals list to the realistic rather than idealistic version as always (school, lab, and basic self-maintenance tasks) 😅 gaawwwdd i hope i can do this...good night.
7. waltz in a minor, b. 150 (chopin): today and yesterday i have been able to keep my phone time under an hour. the days are blissful (if not at least calmer) and focused. 📚
8. only mine (laufey): cuddles in bed while listening to laufey is so soothing 🧸 takes me back to my childhood listening to lullabies in the dark 🥺 motivation to study is hard to find today. i just want to relax 🥺 i'll just do one tiny thing and see where i wanna go from there...
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