#i pinky promise i'll be back once i figure myself out

[chaoslovesmisery]

Chapter 10. Rising Curtains and Abandoned Memory

(This is a VERY long chapter)

I look at myself once over in the mirror, the luxurious red fabric of my dress hugging my curves, exuding an aura of confidence that I'm desperately trying to project. My short hair and bangs framing my face, and my striking red eyes betray a hint of apprehension as they dart over my reflection. The sparkling diamonds mixed with deep crimson rubies around my neck catch the light, creating a cascade of brilliance that almost overwhelms me. I take a deep breath, feeling a flutter of nerves in my stomach. Can I truly pull this off?

"It suits you" a voice says approaching me from behind. Sylus' figure enters the mirror's reflection as he leans lazily against the doorway.

"No one can stay wary when there's a beauty walking around." He says meeting my eyes in the mirror.

"The dress is a little tight, I can't fit any of my blades on my because it's too noticeable." I say turning around walking up to him. He's wearing a black blazer that's just hanging over his shoulders. His designer shirt with streaks of red, reminiscent of his Evol, which compliments his crimson eyes.

"You're just going to waltz right into a dangerous auction without a plan?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

"I like how you assume I didn't make one." He says grinning.

"Find a way to make everyone lower their guard first. Then lure out the ones with ill intentions and get rid of them. Then I'll cover you when you fetch the Aether Core's other half." He says pulling a coin out of his pocket and fiddling with it. I've seen the coin a thousand times but it stirs a strange sense of nostalgia with me.

"Is that it?" I ask, trying to get my mind back on track.

"It won't fail. Promise." He says and I raise my pinky, I know it's childish but I can't help it. He gives me another once over before wrapping his pinky on mine and kissing his fist and I do the same. Our promises felt a little special. He adjusts his hand holding mine and leads me out of the door heading downstairs to the black sports car waiting at the entrance of the building.

He opens the door for me like a gentleman. I look up for a moment. In the sky, the stars are devoured by an endless darkness. The Deepspace Tunnel is silent, seemingly frozen in time. I shake my head and try to fight off the nervous feeling that something big is going to happen tonight. I can't exactly remember what had happened in the game, but this feels like a night I won't forget. After getting into the car Sylus gets in shortly after.

"What did you do with her? I bet she wasn't happy not to be going," I say as we speed down the road with city lights passing us by.

"A deal was a deal, she didn't achieve it. There was no option but to accept the results," he said coolly, his expression revealing nothing of the deeper story lurking beneath the surface. I know there is probably more to the story but I decided against pressing for more information.

The city lights outside blurred into a tapestry of trees as we sped onward, and in the comfortable silence that enveloped us, twenty tranquil minutes slipped away until we arrived at a sprawling hotel perched on the edge of the N109 Zone, where the auction awaited.

As we pulled up, a valet boy sprinted over, eager to open my door but Sylus moving with inhuman speed swung it open before him, startling the young man. Sylus seamlessly took my hand, guiding me out with an air of effortless grace. With a playful smirk, he handed over a key and the boy's eyes widened in surprise, his cheeks reddening with embarrassment as he struggled to find his voice after catching a glimpse of me. Flustered, he quickly directed his gaze away, hurrying to the driver's side with all the urgency of someone trying to shake off a spell of enchantment.

"I'm not the only one who thinks you look lovely tonight," Sylus remarked, a playful lilt in his voice as I wrapped my arm around his, allowing him to escort me up the stairs.

"You're not too bad yourself," I teased lightly, eliciting a chuckle from him. At the top we were greeted by a sharply dressed man in a suit who glanced at our linked arms with curiosity. I slipped my arm away, smoothing my dress out as an excuse as we approached two grand white and gold doors. The doormen swiftly swung them open and Sylus stepped onto a literal red carpet, his stride confident while I lagged behind hesitant.

"It's not too late to back out if you want to," he said gently, glancing back at me. But I shook my head, steeling my resolve.

He smiled, offering his arm once more. Together, we strode down the carpet, our eyes drawn to the Protocores displayed in their cases. Earth may not have fully unlocked their potential yet, but the march toward technological advancement was unmistakable. As we continued down the hall a server approached us with a tablet in hand.

He smiles and offers me his arm. We walk down the carpet glancing at the Protocores in its cases. Currently, Earth has not unlocked the full potential of the use of Protocores though they are steadily increasing its technological advancement. As we walk down the hall a server approaches us holding a tablet.

"Mr. Sylus, we've been expecting you," the server announced, bowing slightly. Sylus turned to me, deftly removing his brooch and pinning it onto my dress with an elegant flourish.

"I assume you already know how to play the role of good bait," he whispered stealthily, placing an earpiece in my ear and brushing his lips against my cheek with a tenderness that sent a thrill through me. This cheeky—

"I'll be back soon. Have fun," he says, slipping his sleek black card into my hand. I hesitate before taking it cautiously and he flashed a reassuring smile before striding away with the server. As he left I felt the weight of curious stares from several onlookers but I brushed off their attention and wandered among the display cases. My gaze was drawn to an unusual Protocore that seemed to pulse with energy.

"Did anything catch your eye, Miss? There are even better ones over there," a server approached, breaking my focus. I flicked open my fan and surveyed the offerings.

"The selection here is somewhat mediocre, but..." I glanced at Sylus' card, a playful smile creeping onto my lips. "Are these all the Protocores you have? I'll take everything," I declared, waving my fan dramatically toward the rows of displays, prompting a deep chuckle through my earpiece.

"Enjoying yourself, are we?" Sylus' voice came through, teasingly. I hid my smile behind my fan, reveling in the moment.

"I wouldn't want anyone thinking that Mr. Sylus can't afford a few measly Protocores, now would we?" I countered with a mischievous glint in my eye as I handed the server the black card.

"Pompous," Sylus laughed, his voice rich and warm resonating in my ear through the earpiece.

"This way while we wrap up your items, please," the server instructed, gesturing for me to follow.

"Wait, I want this one now, unwrapped," I insisted, pointing at the Protocore that caught my attention with its intriguing glow. The server unlocked the display case, carefully donned a white glove, and handed it to me. He then ushered me into a new room. Inside the banquet hall a sea of people mingled and conversed their gazes flitting toward me, some brazenly, others concealed in the shadows. As I fiddled with the Protocore in my hand, I noticed traces of other Protocurves interwoven in its structure, hinting at a recent modification.

A sudden prickle danced along the back of my neck, and I instinctively turned to find several pairs of eyes quickly averting their gaze. I opened my fan, raising it to conceal my lips as I spoke in hushed tones into the earpiece.

"Sylus, how are things on your end?" I inquired, the tension in my voice barely masked.

"Miss, the brooch you're wearing is quite exquisite. May I purchase it from you?" a voice said abruptly beside me. I turned to see an ordinary-looking man in a suit blocking my path, his subtly unsettling presence felt like a cold draft. My brows furrowed as I observed the squid-faced man, whose sly grin made my skin crawl.

He extended his hand and a faint blue electric current flickered from his cuff, enhancing his unnerving aura.

"Not interested, now if you'll excuse me." I say snapping my fan shut maintaining a stoic demeanor, then stepped closer and poked him gently in the chest with the fan. He didn't flinch. Taking a step back, I fought to keep my poker face from wavering under his unnerving scrutiny. I go to take a step past him but he takes another step towards me instead blocking my path.

"How does ten Hightowers sound?" he asked, his tone dripping with smugness as I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms defiantly. What use was a special weapon forged from high-grade Protocores? A single Hightower could level this entire hotel, yet it was far too troublesome for my taste, I favored the elegance of blades.

"Unimpressive," I retorted, and at that moment music began to fill the air.

"Ah, the banquet is about to start. Perhaps we can discuss what might impress you enough for me to purchase that brooch," he suggested, extending his hand with a rehearsed charm.

"Sorry, but the brooch is a gift from me," a familiar voice interjected and a warm hand encircled my waist, drawing me close to Sylus. I tilted my gaze upwards to meet his eyes, resting my hand on his chest with a smile.

"That's right, I would never part with a gift from my boyfriend," I replied coyly, casting a glance back at the squid-faced man, whose expression twisted in disbelief, eliciting a chorus of audible gasps from bystanders. With a flick of my wrist, I tossed the fan toward him and he fumbled to catch it.

"I'll tell you what, ten Hightowers can buy you this fan," I declared, watching as the color drained from his face. He set the fan down hastily on a nearby table and scurried away, flustered.

"Boyfriend?" Sylus whispered in my ear, a teasing tone in his voice.

"Yes, a friend... that's a boy..." I replied, glancing down with a hint of shyness.

"Oh? Is that so?" His breath danced across my ear, sending a thrill down my spine.

"Anything interesting?" I asked, deftly steering the conversation away from my embarrassment.

"The location of the Aether Core," he said, a grin spreading across his face, and I felt a rush of excitement.

"You know where it is?" I exclaimed, my pulse quickening. He took a small step back, the playfulness in his demeanor growing.

"You'll find out after this dance," he said, positioning his right arm behind his back while extending his left hand towards me and bowing slightly, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

My heart did a little flip as I placed my hand in his, feeling the warmth of his palm. Sylus calmly guides me across the dance floor, swaying to the song's rhythm. With each spin and step, the world around us faded. it was just us, lost in the rhythm and each other's presence. The laughter and chatter were mere whispers compared to the magic of this moment. I felt like I was gliding on air, carried by the joy that radiated from our shared dance.

Melodious music serenades the luxurious banquet hall that's illuminated by dreamy lighting. He blocks the prying shadows around us. And when I look up, all I see is his face which is quite handsome, I mean he was one of the love interests after all. He looks at me with unspoken questions in his eyes.

"Sorry, I'm not really used to these kinds of social gatherings." I say awkwardly looking away. I step on his foot but he keeps us moving as if it didn't happen.

"It's nice to see you try something new," he says, his eyes sparkling with encouragement as he spins me around, the fabric of my dress swirling gracefully around me. Just as I find my footing, he gently guides me into a smooth dip. Leaning me backwards into his arms while the world tilts slightly I catch sight of his focused expression. My heart feels like its pounding in my chest. There is small clapping before a new song begins to play.

As he lifts me back up to a standing position, a grin spreads across my face. The music continues to play softly in the background, but his gaze draws me in. He leads me away from the bustling dance floor, weaving through the sea of people until we finally reach the large glass windows that dominate one end of the venue. The shimmering city lights of the N1109 zone stretch out before us like a constellation of stars, twinkling in the velvety night. We pause for a moment, basking in the beauty of the scene with the vibrant colors reflecting off the glass. I lean against the cool surface, feeling the anticipation in the air.

"Did you actually get information on the Aether Core?" I ask, our shoulders brushing as he leans in closer.

"You can choose not to believe me," he jokes lightly. I catch a glimpse of a flashing red door reflected in the glass and instinctively use my hand on his shoulder to push him away from danger but he holds his ground.

"But they wouldn't leak such vital information. Unless..." I trail off, the implications hanging heavy in the air. "It's a trap."

"Exactly," he affirms and I turn back to meet his steady gaze.

"You're not going to throw yourself into their trap, are you?" I ask, concern lacing my voice.

"Don't scare away the fish that have already bitten the hook," he replies with an encouraging smile. We both turn our attention back to the reflections in the window, shadows of the approaching figures looming closer.

"Eight Evol bombs, fifteen high-frequency guns... They really want you dead," I sigh, the weight of our predicament settling heavily on my chest.

"You really made a lot of enemies," I state and he flashes a mischievous grin.

"This isn't the first time it's happened." He says in a teasing manner and I nod my head. Saving me from the Overlord certainly earned him more enemies than anyone else in this hotel combined. The music reaches a crescendo. The notes from the orchestra are layered on top of one another like surging tidal waves. The lights dim to the passionate beats, and the shadows surround us on all sides.

"You have something up your sleeve, right? Even if you have a death wish, I don't intend to die here with you." I state. He glides behind me, skillfully retrieving something from his blazer, and places the cool handle of a blade into my right hand.

"Don't worry, you won't die that easily," he chuckles, the sound both reassuring and mischievous. Suddenly, a blinding flash is followed by a thunderous explosion that obliterates the music and sends screams ricocheting through the air. Instantly, the once-grand hall crumbles into chaos, and amidst the surging debris, Sylus tightens his grip on my free hand. I catch a hint of a scoff escaping his lips as he unexpectedly crushes something in his palm before tossing it into the swirling wreckage.

"...You had the detonator this whole time?" I gasp, astonished.

"The vermin were taking their sweet time. I was getting impatient," he replies with a wicked smile that shines against the backdrop of destruction.

"The Metaflux is quickly increasing, and there's more than one Wanderer... Be careful!" I shout urgently, adrenaline surging through my veins as I dart past him. I can feel my senses sharpen thanks to my Aether Core and I catch a fleeting shadow out of the corner of my eye—the telltale sign of a creeping Wanderer intent on ambushing Sylus.

In a fluid motion, I pivot and lash out with my blade, the steel whistling through the air before it plunges into the creature's chest. A blood-curdling screech erupts from its mouth, a haunting sound that echoes off the walls, sending a chill racing down my spine. The Wanderer thrashed momentarily but within seconds, it dissipates into an ethereal mist, leaving behind nothing but its Protocore clattering to the floor. The small, glowing shard pulsates with a faint light but I know that more are lurking in the shadows, waiting for their moment to strike. My breath quickens as I scan the surrounding area, staying alert for any sign of the next attack, fully aware that the dangers of the Metaflux are only just beginning.

"How long do you think you'll last with such a primal weapon?" He asks with a sly smile, and I narrow my eyes at him. He tosses a sleek, metallic gun toward me, the surface glinting under the dim lights flickering.

"Don't waste your efforts. You're not a bad shot either," he says, a chuckle vibrating in his chest that feels almost mocking. I catch the gun mid-air, feeling it's cool weight in my palm but I push the thought of switching weapons aside. My blade is an extension of me and I won't abandon it so easily.

After quickly defeating the last Wanderer, I scan the room, alert and on edge. My gaze lands on a trembling figure in the corner, one of the henchmen, his wide fearful eyes revealing his false confidence. I approach him with determination, pressing my blade to his neck as a drop of blood trickles down making him wince in pain.

"You haven't won yet!" he gasps, desperation lacing his voice. "We still have a backup plan...! That thing is terrifying. When it shows up, not even Sylus—" His voice cuts off abruptly, and a sharp gasp escapes his lips as the shadows around us swirl ominously.

Before I can react, a powerful surge of black-red mist erupts from the darkness coiling around him like a sentient serpent before flinging him violently into a nearby broken stone pillar. The sickening crack of bone against stone reverberates through the air as he collapses to the ground, a lifeless heap, like a puppet whose strings have been severed. I take a step back, my heart pounding, the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end as I lock eyes with Sylus.

"Violence should be used strategically." Sylus says calmly, wiping the blood off his face, and the black-red mist disappears from his hands.

"I would've believed you if your hands were clean," I scoff, the sarcasm barely masking my unease. Even with the venue evacuated, strong energy fluctuations crackle above us, sending tremors through the ground beneath our feet.

"What's making that noise? Are there still some left?" I ask, my heart racing as apprehension floods my senses.

"Let's go," he replies, urgency lacing his tone as he seizes my wrist and starts walking briskly.

"Where are we going?" I shoot back, confusion clouding my thoughts as I glance around. He pulls me along with surprising strength, determination etched in his features.

"To the place that has what we want," he says cryptically, leading us toward an almost transparent elevator that seems to defy logic—still operating despite the earlier chaos. As we step inside, the doors slide shut, and with a swift jolt, the elevator lurches upward. The stunning nighttime panorama outside rapidly fades into a sea of clouds, enveloping us in a thick, surreal mist. Finally, the doors creak open, revealing the roof of the building, where the echoes of the tumult below are now distant whispers, leaving only a charged silence in their wake.

"What is this?" I ask out loud, taking a step forward stepping over the cluttered floor of construction supplies. Countless pieces of metal are strewn across the spacious rooftop that's shrouded in mist. And in the haze, barely visible, are abandoned collection vessels, transporters, and other devices. Broken steel bars poke out from the overgrown weeds. Rusty frames are propped up, outlining a bygone era.

"It looks like a laboratory for experiments..." I trail off thinking for a moment of the Heroine. Her experiments took place in a lab before Earth's Chronorift Catastrophe of 2034.

"It was one many years ago. But they abandoned it a while back." Sylus says.

"They?" I ask. Stepping over broken fragments and glass shards, Sylus' tone remains aloof.

"EVER." He says and I look at what used to be quite the research base. As the most prestigious international business group, it basically supports the whole of Linkon City, where the Heroine resided. The residents of Linkon City are naive thinking this was just a research base when many locations were affected by that catastrophe, yet only the N109 Zone turned into a wasteland.

"We're here." He says. Slow vibrations resembling heartbeats pulsate in the sky. I lookup and see the Deepspace Tunnel. Dense clouds and vortexes churn amidst the darkness. And occasionally, a stream of light flashes across the night sky. The silent tunnel is like a telescope peeking into the universe.

"It's been a while since I've seen the Deepspace Tunnel so close." I say putting my hand up blocking some of the tiny beam of light that enters my line of sight. I take a step forward when I notice ahead of me is a Flux Nexus.

"There's one up here?" I ask confused as I brush off some vines off the stony pillar.

"These fluctuations aren't produced by normal Protocores." He says standing next to me, looking at me with his eyes that have unfathomable depths.

"Think about it first. Once you take it out, there's no going back." He warns. My heart starts to race and I can feel a heat growing in my hand. Gritting my teeth, I put my hand on the Flux Nexus' intricate pattern and the heat in my hand stings. The power of resonance instantly flows through my body, and dazzling light seeps out from my palm. A shiny, floating Protocore appears. The Aether Core. The Heroine wasn't the only one with the ability to resonate as that is my actual Evol, being able to shift into a crow was just my ability resonating with the Aether Core Sylus gave me centuries ago.

The Aether core blazes with an intense, ethereal glow, illuminating the chaos around us. But the moment my fingers brush its surface, the ground starts to shake violently. Violent fluctuations lash out up above us along with a primal roar echoing from the depths of the Deepspace Tunnel. I jerk my gaze upward, horrified as a storm engulfs the sky fraying at the edges with wild energy, while a colossal shadow emerges from the vortex. It's getting closer and closer with its expansive wings blocking out all the light in the sky.

"Is this... the backup plan they talked about?" I muse aloud. Sylus chuckles darkly, the tension thick in the air.

"We finally have something presentable," he replies, and before I can process his words, a massive Protofield unfolds before us. In an instant the ferocious Wanderer, known as Arbiterwings, charges towards us at a breakneck speed.

"Damnit, I can't resonate..." I curse, feeling the glow in my hands extinguish, replaced by a paralyzing heaviness that embeds me like lead in place.

"It's not too late to back out now," Sylus advises, his voice calm yet urgent. I cock my gun and grip my blade, steeling myself. I launch myself towards the monstrosity just as its scythe-like appendages swing dangerously close. Metal clashes against what feels like stone, as I block its ferocious strike.

"Be careful! Don't let it hit you. This is only the beginning!" he warns, lightning crackling ominously from the roaring storm above, barely missing me by a hair.

"Sylus!" I yell, my heart racing, gesturing frantically to the cerulean sphere pulsating with energy behind the Wanderer. The ominous stone feathers shimmer with impending doom, a catastrophic self-detonation on the verge of unleashing devastation. If I don't act fast, the explosion will consume us whole and time is slipping through my fingers like sand.

"Hurry! Destroy the stone feathers now!" Sylus commands, his voice cutting through the Wanderer's shrieks as I fire the gun he entrusted to me. The shots reverberated through the air as I turn quickly, slashing at the few feathers that launched toward me. I dive back, but sharp pangs of pain shoot through my arms and legs—an unwelcome reminder that I can't evade every attack. Lightning streaks from above and I roll to the side. I stand up looking around to see a menacing circle of five colossal stone feathers, their jagged forms looming ominously around us with a light glow.

"Don't forget about the person next to you when you run into trouble," Sylus chides, deflecting another wave of feathered projectiles with impressive force. I swing my blade with determination to destroy the first glowing stone feather towering over me.

"Who says I ran into trouble?" I retort, instinctively pushing him aside to shield him from yet another imminent onslaught of lightening. A dark-red mist swirls into his palm gathering like an unstable orb of energy. He lounges towards me wrapping an arm protectively around. I grasp his hand locked around my waist feeling a powerful resonance surge between us, a rare connection forged in crisis. The mist swells pulsating with energy and with unison we release our attacks, his blast hurled forth as I pulled the trigger on my gun. The bullet finds its mark on the Wanderer but the impact feels frustratingly minimal.

"It's regenerating thanks to the stone feathers embedded in the ground," I observe, noticing how the glow of each feather intensifies with every strike the Wanderer endures, feeding its uncanny resilience.

"I'll distract the Wanderer, you do what you have to," Sylus instructs decisively. Seizing the moment, I sprint toward the nearest pillar firing a few rapid shots before leaping and severing it with my blade in one swift motion. As I land, a bone-chilling shriek erupts from the Wanderer with its massive form crashing to the ground. Sylus uses this opportunity raining powerful blows upon it, while I scramble to dismantle the last remaining stone feathers.

"Sylus, last one!" I yell, my voice steady as I prepare to break the final feather.

"Watch out!" he warns just as the Wanderer charges at me. Its talons skim past, leaving a deep cut in my side. I can feel the warm blood seep through my clothes, but the adrenaline dulls the pain.

"It can't escape!" Sylus yells, delivering another powerful punch to the creature. I fire off a few more shots and to my relief I see the Wanderer weakening faster than before thanks to the destroyed stone feather pillars.

Suddenly, the Wanderer vanishes, only to reappear high above us. Arbiterwings spreads its wings, glowing with a bluish-white light that illuminates the battlefield. It screeches, a haunting sound filled with rage and determination echoing through the air as if to declare that this battle is far from over...

I breathe heavily as pain finally crashes over me and I drop to my knees. This feels like an eerie nightmare but familiar like reliving a distant memory. The ground around me glows, reminiscent of volcanic rock with molten light seeping through cracks that seem to pulse in time with my heartbeat.

"There's... so much blood," a voice whispers, but it isn't my own. My voice feels like it's stuck in my throat.

"You must press on." Sylus says and a claw-like hand grabs my shaking hand. I look up to see a form of Sylus I had only remembered seeing once before. His breaths are shallow as my eyes see the sword lodged in his chest and his other hand holding the Heroines. The Heroine had been the one to stab him.

"Because if you don't... there's no going back," he struggles to say. I search his face through the tears blurring my vision, unsure if his words are meant for me or the Heroine. The weight of his sacrifice hangs heavy in the air and my heart feels like it's shattering all over again.

My vision blurs. Amidst blood and fire, the Deepspace Tunnel appears. It shakes violently in the sky.

"Mephisto, you must press on." his voice strains to say fading into the distance and a flash of red and white streaks cloud my vision making me shut my eyes right. When I open them again Sylus is in front of me with my hand held out towards me. Sylus' face looks gentle, sympathetic even but there seems to be a shadow above him. I can't help but to reach out as well. An unprecedented power surges through our intertwined fingers, manifesting as a radiant red glow where our skin meets.

Instantly, I feel a tremor from deep within my heart. Something flows through my veins. The Wanderer's dissipating particles fall like a misty rain, yet a brighter light pierces through the haze. I lift my hand up shielding my eyes from the light. The Aether Core emits countless rays of golden light that seep into my heart. The warm, familiar power continues to surge. I don't know how much time has passed when the fluctuations around me slowly start to subside. The movements within my body cease. It's as if an ocean's roaring waves have silently calmed down, turning into ripples on a lake's surface.

The Aether Core levitates in the air and I grab it gently.

"So this... is the Aether Core of Earth's current timeline..." I trail off and a crack breaks its surface. I turn to face Sylus and he stares at the sky towards the Deepspace Tunnel in deep thought. He takes a moment before looking at me with a slight smile.

"It's power belongs to you now. This should help with your unstable Evol though we're not close to resolving it, be sure to go to Akso Hospital to get it checked out." He says and my eyes grow wide.

"How did you?" I ask and he looks away. It had been so long since I had

"Did you really think I wouldn't know? The fact that we haven't been able to resonate for a long time due to it taking some of your life force each time we did. That was the whole reason we looked for someone else who had the same ability." He says and thoughts swirl in my head.

"You were also having trouble shifting into your crow form after using it too much, even now I can tell you still need more time to be able to shift back." He says and I look down avoiding his gaze.

"But she needs it more..." I trail off not understanding how different this is starting to become from the original game storyline. He was supposed to give this to the Heroine, but not that I've absorbed the energy of the Aether Core, what will happen now? I decided to change things but I didn't expect to change this. He starts to walk away and begins to pull me.

"Hey where are we going?" I ask and he stops looking down at our wrists shaking it. I can see a faint glow and there appears to be reddish barely visible to the naked eye link from his left pinky connecting to my right pinky. Weren't these supposed to be cuffs, wait shouldn't this have happened with him and the Heroine? Is it happening to me because I ended up resonating with him?

"Sylus doesn't respond, and the powerful tremor that shook the Deepspace Tunnel ignites a chain reaction within the N109 Zone.

Those shadows who believed they controlled Onychinus are eliminated from fate's tapestry. Unable to see the undercurrents beneath the water's surface, I can only smell the scent of smoke becoming more poignant as it's carried by the wind. Structures crumble and collapse in the distance and I can hear a distant toiling of a bell. It's almost like an announcement, as if the world is saying.. The true leader of Onychinus has returned.

"Are you ready?" He sys picking me up bridal style walking towards the edge of the building. I wrap my arms around his neck and black-red mist surrounds us as he steps off the building. The wind rushes past my hair, a familiar feeling I know all too well. With a soft thud his feet touch the ground. We walk towards the sports car we had originally taken when I realize that the steering wheel is on the left but our hands are connecting on my right and his left.

"How is this going to work?" I ask hesitantly and he opens the driver seat sitting down. I thought for a moment he was going to let me drive but he didn't move from the seat.

"It's not too long of a drive, you'll be a little uncomfortable for a short while. Bear with it." He says offering his lap as my seat. I go to crawl past him to sit in the passenger seat instead and he rolls his eyes before closing the door. I'm left leaning awkwardly across his lap and he moves his left hand to allow me to sit easier in my seat.

Amidst the raging storm Sylus remains nonchalant as he sits next to me. Our racing vehicle leaves our enemies behind while intermittent light seeps through the window to obscure his silhouette and goals. I know cleaning house was something he wanted to do but the fact that we acquired the Aether Core, something he was supposed to have given to the Heroine, has shaken me. There was a reason why we needed him and the Heroine to resonate that went beyond human emotions. He's not telling me something and I need to find out what it is.

For a moment, his expression as he gazed at the Deepspace Tunnel resurfaces in my mind. Then, I feel a sensation in my palm. I'm still clutching the fragmented Protocore. It's as if I'm subconsciously grasping onto an answer that has yet to be revealed. The linkage between my hand and Sylus' suddenly flickers, seemingly sensing the swirling thoughts in my head.

"Here, give this to her. She wanted the Aether Core after all, although the vessel is broken it should distract her for a while." I say placing the Protocore in his front right pocket. It's only a five minute drive when I realize that we were headed to a safe house not too far from here. When we arrived I had to climb over the seat again to get out and Sylus followed after me exiting. When we entered the shack it appeared to be more of an armory than a safehouse. Sylus sits down and takes out his phone, handing it to me, I realize it's my phone that's buzzing.

"We heard you and Boss took care of the traitors and thieves," Luke says as soon as I pick up the phone, hardly pausing to confirm it's me.

"You even destroyed the Aether Core together! Good job!" Kieran exclaims, his enthusiasm spilling through the receiver. Meanwhile, Sylus methodically takes out the gun he gifted me earlier, silently disassembling and cleaning it.

"Just wanted to let you know we cleaned up at The Nest. No one will be causing us trouble anymore, so let's plan another round of drinks soon," Luke continues.

"Wait, when did you...?" I ask, realization dawning—this must have been their assignment from Sylus while I was with him. Kieran still owes me a few rounds, so that sounds good to me.

"Boss told us to handle it. He knows how much you enjoy the drinks there! He said—" Kieran starts, his excitement palpable, but is abruptly interrupted by Sylus.

"See you later." Sylus' tone leaves no room for argument.

"B-boss?! I didn't mean to—" Kieran stammers, but before he can dig himself deeper, I swiftly end the call saving him from digging himself in a deeper hole. Kieran you owe me another one.

"So... what do we do now?" I ask, glancing at our linked hands.

"Chop it off," he replies nonchalantly.

"But it seems to be some sort of energy linkage. Can we even physically attack it?" I ask looking at the link.

"I meant your finger," he says, a dry humor in his voice that makes my eyes widen.

"Or you can always take a break from your crow form for a while and work on your fighting skills. You seem to get hurt quite a lot. You might need to get trained as a Hunter as you seem a bit rusty. Either way I have more than enough time to solve this problem with you." He says looking up at me from cleaning the gun.

"My crow form feels like part of who I am now, and I've had my Hunter ID for ages. I'm sure Luke or Kieran can reactivate it, but that would be such a hassle," I groan, flinging my head back against the seat. The life of a Hunter feels so tedious—why would I want to return to that?

"Unless it's your order." I ask, peeking at him from the corner of my eye.

"Never mind. With your current level of resonance, it won't last long anyway. But be ready for a punishment once you heal," he says, making me shiver as anxiety trickles down my spine about what he might have planned for me this time.

"By the way, before I started resonating with you again, I saw a strange vision... or maybe a memory?" I ask, and he looks away, avoiding my gaze.

"It's not a big deal. From now on, you'll start seeing more things like that," he replies, still not looking at me.

"So that was real?" I question, noting the fleeting pained look in his eyes before it vanishes.

"If I say yes, will you apologize for forgetting?" he says, trying to keep the mood light. I frown and place my free hand on his cheek and he leans into my touch closing his eyes.

"Meph, this world is different from what you know, but I'm not really in the mood to share stories right now," he says, opening his eyes again. With a gesture of his hand and his Evol he brings the brooch I was wearing earlier back to him and hands it to me.

"You should keep this on, it suits you," he adds as I run my thumb over the red jewel.

"We should start planning our next move once we get back. Then we can talk about your punishment and what I'll get from our deal that brought you here," he says, standing up and pulling me with him.

"Wait! You said you didn't want anything!" I exclaim defensively and he chuckles.

"I said not to worry about it, not that there was nothing for me," he teases, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Never make a deal so open-ended next time you might end up striking a deal with the devil," he grins.

"Thanks for the warning. I'll be more careful next time," I grumble, despite the amusement creeping into my voice.

"In any case, until we resolve the resonance issue you'll have to remain in your human form for now. Our guest will be leaving soon, she's no longer of use to us now that you've absorbed the Aether Core," he says. As we step outside, I notice the dust has finally settled in the distance, but the deal with Sylus lingers like a silent turbulent mist.

A weight settles upon me as I find myself plummeting into an abyss within the blink of an eye. The doors of memory swing wide, unleashing something long buried. The world around me transforms into a post-apocalyptic landscape, seemingly frozen in time—I recognize it as a place I glimpsed before. The scenery shifts then to a grim desolate expanse where ash dances in the wind and the ground is a dark canvas of volcanic rock with molten light spilling through its cracks.

At the confluence of the entwined timelines, I hear it. A faint yet distant heartbeat, echoing through the stillness of eternity. 

****************************************************************

A/N:

I could have posted this in two parts but I was determined to catch up to the main storyline this weekend. As you can tell this was a very long chapter. Next post should be Wednesday which will be a shorter chapter. Zayne should be seen in the next chapter! Is anyone even interested in guest star appearances of Zayne, Xavier, and Rafayel? I kinda want to include them a little bit more but I don't know may be a while or not. Also the explanation of Mephisto's Evol should be explained next chapter so don't come after my head please :')

Chapter heavily based off of Long-Awaited Revelry Chapter 02 Breakthrough: Part 07-12

Read/Played in order:

1. End of Long-Awaited Revelry Chapter 02 Breakthrough: Part 07: Roleplay

2. End of Long-Awaited Revelry Chapter 02 Breakthrough: Part 08: Undercurrents

3. End of Long-Awaited Revelry Chapter 02 Breakthrough: Part 09: Rising Curtains

4. End of Long-Awaited Revelry Chapter 02 Breakthrough: Part 10: Abandoned Memory

5. End of Long-Awaited Revelry Chapter 02 Breakthrough: Part 11: Battle

6. End of Long-Awaited Revelry Chapter 02 Breakthrough: Part 12: Resonance's Power

Thank you for reading! 

[l1tw1ck]

Mine, Yours: Completely

Maybe he isn't such a bad guy

FTM!Yandere!Ajax x Top!Male Reader

Part One: Yours Mine

Warnings: Non-Con or Dub-Con, Kidnapping, Manipulation, Oral, Skin Carving, Mentions of Murder, Smut

Notes: ik u can't actually ejaculate w bottom surgery but just pretend 😭

Words: 1,044

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You don't know how long it's been since you've been taken to some mostly empty room, save for two chairs and a small table. Ajax has been taking care of you during your 'imprisonment'. Feeding you, talking to you, bathing you...

It's uncomfortable.

The only emotions you've felt here are anger and sadness. Without your vision you've been feeling like shit.

You can't even appreciate the love Ajax is giving you.

"(Name)!" Ajax waves, turning the lights on and coming into the room with your favorite meal. He places it on the table in front of you.

"When are you going to let me out?" Your wrists were restrained on the chairs so you didn't escape.

Ajax's smile falls. "When you love me."

You scowl. "Someone will find me."

"Many people have been looking for you actually,"

For the first time in Rex Lapis knows how many weeks, you felt hopeful.

"My men and I have killed every cop and detective that's come close to figuring out your location. Having spies and connections comes in handy."

You freeze. "You're...fuck, you're lying!"

"When have I ever lied to you my love?"

You stare at him, trying to think of a time he's lied. "...Never."

"So believe me when I say you won't be getting any 'help'." He puts air quotes around the word help. "However, if you're good, I'll let you run free around the house. I have guards to prevent you from escaping, so all you have to do is be a good boy."

It's not like you had the energy to run away. You wanted to at least have your vision back. You wanted your hope back.

Ajax could tell what you were thinking about. After ages of studying you it's like he could read your mind.

"Once we get married, I'll give your vision back."

Your eyes widen. "Seriously?" You were in disbelief but pissed at the same time.

He nods, the smile he had on previously reappearing. "I promise." He locks his pinkie in yours.

"Why...why should I love you?"

He removes his pinkie and holds your hand in his. "I will make sure you're happy for the rest of your life, I'll give you whatever you wish for."

"What if I wish to leave you?"

He grips your hand, not hard enough to break it but hard enough to make it hurt like hell. "That's something I can't grant."

"It hurts."

"You can't leave me, (Name)." Ajax grips your hand tighter. "I'd kill you if you did. Then I'd kill myself after."

"Til death do us part, as they say." You mutter.

"Don't say it yet, save it for the wedding." He winks.

"Guess it's cold now." He looks down at your food. "I'll warm it up."

──────────────────

"Good morning, darling." Ajax smiles.

"Morning." You reply. It was never a good morning in this isolated room.

"How are you feeling?" He asks, walking towards you with a knife.

"F-fine.."

He pulls your shirt off and ghosts the knife along your torso until he reaches your lower stomach.

"What are you doing?"

"Carving my name into you.."

You brace yourself for the pain, hissing as he starts to write the first letter. "Fuck-"

A, then J, then A again, then X. You were biting your lip so hard it started to bleed.

"Are you okay, love?" Ajax looks up at you, a scary look on his face.

"Ajax- please.."

You calling him by his real name pulls him out of his trance, a small brush forming across his cheeks. "That's right...that's my name." He drops the knife on the floor. He pulls your pants and underwear down, resting your soft dick on his face. "I love you, (Name)."

You couldn't lie, he looked good like that. Your dick twitches, hardening a little bit.

Ajax drags his tongue along your shaft, metaphorical hearts in his eyes as he reaches the tip. "So good...taste so good.." He mumbles, licking up your bitter pre cum.

You watch helplessly as he devours your dick whole, clearly excited to make to you come in his mouth. He fingers himself, moans vibrating against your length.

"Ajax.." You murmur, bucking your hips up into his mouth. "Gods...Ajax.."

Ajax comes with a loud moan, unable to stop himself with the way you were saying his name. You follow shortly after, groaning as you fill his needy mouth with cum.

Ajax makes sure he swallows everything before moving away. He pulls his pants down before climbing onto your lap and jerking you back to hardness. "I'm not done yet.." He smirks, lowering himself onto you.

Now that you were fully conscious and sober, you could really feel how good he felt. How warm his pussy felt wrapping around your cock.

"I...fuck, I love you too, Ajax." You were pretty much thinking with your dick when you said this. Having someone like him as a lover doesn't seem so bad.

Ajax stops, eyes widening and face flushing red.

You thrust upwards, too horny for him to stop.

"Uuh~!" Ajax cries out, gripping his arms. "Wa- Wait~!"

"Take them off." You growl, referring to the restraints on your wrists.

"Hnngh~ key~ pants~!" He shakes his head.

You slow down, letting Ajax get the key from his pants. He scrambles to unlock your restraints, hands trembling as he gets them off.

You grab his sides, moving him up before slamming him back down.

He screams your name, moaning in euphoria as he comes from your roughness. "More~!"

You curse under your breath, reaching your peak. "Ajax~" You repeat his name with each thrust as you get closer and closer.

Neither of you could even think properly anymore, you were lost in each other's presence.

You still had a ways to go but you started to become more compliant for Ajax. You let him show you how much he loved and cared for you. He told you about all the people who wanted to hurt you and how he protected you.

You started to think, maybe what he's doing isn't so bad. Maybe he's doing it to protect you, because he loves and cares about you. He's not a bad person at all.

Even if your friends think so, Ajax hasn't done anything bad. He's not crazy, he just loves you.

[ssamie]

twelve. “the moon looks beautiful tonight, doesn’t it?”

kozume kenma x fem dazai!reader

(bsd x hq)

tw: mentions of suicide

masterlist.         suicide freak!

"kenma just this once please!!" y/n pleaded with a frown

"literally why?" kenma grumbled back.

they were currently seated by the stairway of the second-year building, five minutes away from being late to their next class, which was history. "because it's fun!" she reasoned "besides, you don't even listen to the lesson, you just play games under your desk" 

"yeah, but it's not considered skipping classes" kenma sighed 

"c'mon kenma, live a little!" she chuckled "then you can die with me afterwards." 

kenma sighed but nodded in reluctance "fine, but please don't kill me" he said with a sigh

"huh? then how are we supposed to die?"

"the point is we're not going to."

after a little bit more convincing, and a very troublesome escape from the school grounds, they were finally on their way off. the pair was walking towards the same riverbank kenma found her on after disappearing

"ah, isn't this nice, kenma-kun?" she said with a content sigh. she was holding a box of apple pie, while kenma chomps on a slice. "the air is nice, the apple pie is nice, the bridge is kinda nice" she hummed

"did you know, this is where i found atsushi-kun on the brink of death from starvation!" she exclaimed with a bright smile 

"i- what?" 

"yes, that's right" she said "ah, good times~" 

"i don't think you should consider that a good time" kenma sweat dropped "also, what's with you lately?" kenma asks her 

"hm? what do you mean?" she responded with a raised brow "you've been kinda.. tamed?" he muttered as more of a question than a statement "like, usually your attempts would be more bizarre." he said with a shrug 

kenma then reached out to grab another slice of the apple pie. that is, until his whole body shuddered. he looked up at her, looking like a shaken up kitten as he immediately shook his head. 

"i don't mean that i want you to start going all crazy again!" he shrieked 

she simply laughed, shaking her head as she sat down on the ground "well then i guess you're fulfilling your promise of keeping me alive, huh?" she mused 

kenma blinked at her words and meekly nodded, a faint smile ghosting his lips "i guess.." he replied "anyways, what are we doing here?" he asks as he takes a seat next to her

"were here to slack off" she responded with a nonchalant grin "work is like, really stressful" she said with an exaggerated sigh 

kenma simply furrowed his brows as he sent her a questioning look "but atsushi said you haven't done anything in like a week-" 

"anyways, kenma." she cut him off "in return of making you skip class, i'll share some of my incredibly utile knowledge to you!" she announced cockily 

"i don't think i need it.. nor do i want it" kenma deadpanned 

"well, i'm gonna tell you anyways" 

"but first, let me beat this level" she said with a cheeky grin as she snatches his PSP from his pocket. as she began to play, kenma simply watched her fingers click the buttons, silently watching as he nibbled on the apple pie 

"now, as i was saying.." she muttered "my knowledge consists of the mafia and their history.." 

"that's kind of relevant right?" she beamed with a small smile 

"no, not really." 

"alright! well, the mafia is kind of fun" she started out 

"im gonna have to disagree." kenma sighed "it's the mafia, why would it be fun?" 

"also, why are we talking about this anyway?" he rolled his eyes playfully at her 

"because its literally all i know about" she chuckled "unless you wanna hear about how to dispose of dead bodies." 

"no." 

"okay. well, in this same spot we're sitting on, there have been at least.. like, maybe one or ten murders?" she cooed out with a small smile. kenma looked at her, face scrunching up as he picked himself up from the ground, holding his apple pie tightly as he walked away 

"goodbye." 

she laughed loudly as she watched him walk away, eyes darting from between the boy and the PSP in her hands "wait! kenma, im kidding!" she yelled out 

"well, im actually not, but.. COME BACK!" 

kenma sighed, looking back only to find her shuffling around with the device in her hands as she screams about losing. 

"kenma you made me lose!" she groaned out. the pudding head simply sighed as he trudged back to her with an unamused look on his face 

"well, whatever" she shrugged it off. she placed the PSP back in his pocket as she jumped up from the ground "you know what we should do?" she mused "we should steal a car and have a road trip!" 

"no! are you crazy?" kenma let out an exasperated sigh 

"i dunno about crazy, but i do know that kunikida-kun has a car and.." she trailed of with a suggesting smirk 

(he prolly doesn't have a car i think, but go along w it 😋) 

"were not gonna steal a car just to go on a road trip." kenma said to her 

"really? i don't think that's the right response, kenma" she slumped out defeatedly 

"we are NOT gonna steal a fucking car-" 

"YOU STOLE THE FUCKING CAR?!" kenma rubbed his temples in distress as she stood proudly before him, holding the car keys with a grin 

"yep!" 

it has been fifteen minutes since she's disappeared, only to come back to announce that she had carnapped kunikida 

"y/n, im pretty sure this is illegal." kenma sighed tiredly "do you even know how to drive?" he asked 

"of course!" she said with an offended scoff "well..last time i drived, it ended in a crash" she mumbled sheepishly "but that's not gonna happen, i promise!" 

kenma looked at her up and down, before shaking his head. "that doesn't sound very promising.." 

"cmon, live a little!" she exclaimed as she unlocked the car doors 

"i won't be able to if i die in a car crash, you understand that right?" 

"that's even better!" 

although despite his disputes, kenma ended up joining her anyways. now, he's seated in the passenger seat while y/n drives the car. music was softly playing through the speakers, though it was getting drowned out by kunikida's yelling, which was emitting through her phone

"oi! you bandage-covered brat, where the hell is my car?!" kunikida exclaimed 

"stop with the names, kunikida-kun!" she whined out "and how dare you accuse me of such!" she exclaimed with a dramatic cry 

kenma simply deadpanned at her as kunikida let out a deep breath from the other line 

"i have very right to accuse you becauSE RANPO TOLD ME IN EXCHANGE OF A CHOCOLATE BAR!" 

"AGH! BUT I MADE HIM PINKY PROMISE NOT TO SAY IN EXCHANGE OF A CHOCOLATE BAR TOO!" 

she fake cried as kunikida continued on scolding her through the phone "now, now, kunikida-kun~" she cooed out "dont go screaming a lot, or else your vocal system gets messed up" she warned "they say you can cough your throat out." 

"you- wait really?" kunikida asked in wonder

"i dunno" she responded nonchalantly 

"STOP RIDICULING ME, BASTARD!" he exclaimed 

"whatever.. there better not be any scratches or dents or i'll kill you myself" it was all he said before hanging up

she pocketed her phone and looked over at kenma, sending him a smile "that went well, won't you say so?" 

"50/50" kenma responded "anyways, where are we going?" he asked her 

"i don't know kenma, i've never done this before" she laughed softly "let's just drive around and stop for food once in a while" she said "let's just talk! preferably about our double suicide" 

kenma laughed at her antics and nodded "okay, i'd like that." 

in the end, they ended up roaming around the city. at some point they stopped by a wine shop to buy all of chuuya's favourite wine just to mess with him

chuuya did in fact come into the shop minutes later and had a fit. 

by the time the sky got darker, kenma suggested going to a mcdonald's for some fries. but sadly, it ended with y/n flirting with the female cashiers, so he had to drag her away. they even stopped by a cliff to 'stargaze' but it ended with y/n trying to make them fall to their deaths, so that ended quite quickly. 

now, they were back in the usual restaurant the agency goes to, having a light dinner. 

"so, kenma-kun, how was our road trip?" she cooed out 

"it was chaotic." he responded "but it was very fun, thanks for that y/n" he said with a smile 

she smiled cockily as she sipped on her coffee, letting out a small chuckle as she does so. "heh, let's just hope kunikida-kun won't notice the scratches on his car" 

kenma shifted nervously in his seat as he noticed kunikida leaning on the back of her seat, as well as atsushi listening in on their conversation. 

"um y/n.." he said nervously, slyly pointing behind her, though she seemed to ignore him anyways 

she snickered under her breath as she continued to talk. "there's so many scratches on the side! and-" she was cut off by kunikida's fist making contact with the side of her head, resulting in her falling off the seat

"y/n-san?!" atsushi called out with widened eyes 

"what did you say, brat?" kunikida asked in a low tone as his tall figure loomed over her 

"a-ah! what did i say?" she mused "i don't think i said anything, kunikida-kun! you must be hearing things!" she laughed sheepishly as she stood up straight once again "and why are you interrupting our dinner, hm?" she asked him 

"shouldn't you be at work? tsk tsk tsk" she clisked her tounge as she shook her head disappointedly 

kenma and atsushi froze in fear as kunikida seemed to have grew angrier by the second. veins popped out of his temple from agitation as he started strangling her, all while she still had that dumb and taunting smile on her face 

"and who gave you, the poster child for sloth and irresponsibility, the right to say that to me?!" he yelled 

"kunikida-san! don't kill her!" atsushi yelled out in panic "why not?! that's exactly what she wants!" kunikida exclaimed 

"ehehehe- AGH!" she coughed out, wheezing slightly as he shook her around 

after a quick minute of calming down, y/n was now back in her seat, facing kenma who was talking about a game he was currently playing "and this one is um- um.." kenma cut himself off, feeling himself grow anxious 

his cat-like eyes look up to meet kunikida looking at him like a disappointed father "is something wrong?" he asked quietly 

"i had trust in you, brat." kunikida said "i thought you were sensible enough to keep the maniac grounded." 

"buT INSTEAD YOU BOTH HAD YOUR FUN CRASHING MY CAR AROUND-" 

kunikida was cut short as y/n slammed her hand on his face and pushed him away with an innocent smile "now, now, kunikida-kun~" she cooed "kenma was talking about his new game, don't interrupt him!" she scolded him 

"i don't care, you're paying me back" he said as he sent her a pointed glare. she simply laughed carelessly at that statement. though her laughter abruptly died down as she spun around to face atsushi. 

"atsushi." she called out 

"y-yeah?" atsushi replied hesitantly 

"as your senior, i command you to pay the cost!" she exclaimed 

"no! also, im older than you!" atsushi yelled at her 

"oya~" she cooed tauntingly at him "but aren't i the one that saved your dying self months ago?!" 

"and to think i believed we had a special bond" she sulked 

"but y/n-san!!" atsushi panicked "I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY!!" 

"work it out~" she cooed as she ushered kenma out of the restaurant "we'll be going now~" 

"are you really making me pay?!" atsushi shrieked 

"bye-bye~" 

"so what do you wanna do to end the night?" she asked him 

they were currently walking around, basking in the moonlight while kenma talks himself up in his mind  "um.. can we go back to the riverbank? like, by the bridge..?" he muttered quietly 

"why? its already so late" she said 

"just- can we just go?" he pleaded "... please?" 

she looked at him and smiled, nodding along silently to his request. the walk to the bridge was quick and quiet. no one was speaking a word, only y/n humming under her breath and the sounds of cars passing by

the whole time, kenma was just screaming in his mind. 

he was pondering over kuroo's oh-so-wise words. the suggestion to confess to her sounded more simpler at the moment. he's been preparing for it the whole day. but now that it was actually happening, he was honestly just considering jumping into oncoming traffic

"were here." she announced 

kenma jolted, sporting a confused expression as he looked around their surroundings 

"it seems you've been so lost in thought that you couldn't even tell we've arrived" she chuckled "so, what's on your mind, kenma?" 

he didn't answer but simply watched her from his peripheral vision. she leaned on the metal railings, resting her hands on the bars as she looked down at the flowing water 

the only light source they had was the moon, and the street lights littered around the bridge 

"um.. it's just that-" he cut himself off with a deep breath 

"that..?" she urged him further 

"i- um-" he stammered nervously 

kenma inhaled deeply through his nose before sighing. "i can't do this." he muttered 

"what is it?" she asked worriedly "are you okay??" 

"is it cause you wanna die with me? are you agreeing to the double-" 

"t-thE MOON LOOKS BEAUTIFUL TONIGHT DOESN'T IT?!" 

"i- why are you screaming?" 

"fuck it. i like you, okay?" 

[artificialqueens]

Gimme Love, 2/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Heyo, yall! Just hope yall are enjoying this fic so far. I worked really hard on it, but so proud. So many times I just wanted to quit it. But I stuck it out!

Major TW for this chapter: Child abuse mentions // mental breakdown // Anxiety // Dementia mentions

2020

I flinched, feeling a hand lightly slap my foot twice. "Wake up, Princess."

I rolled over slightly, blinking as if to clear my vision. Jujubee looked as if she had been awake for hours, looking fresh as fuck in her dressing gown. She must have had a shower hours before because, despite the dry hair, I could smell the mango and papaya soap. Fuck, it smelt so good.

Then there was me; hair wrecked, makeup long expired, body smelling of that typical hangover smell. Like a hospital, except unclean.

I whined like a child, rolled back over on my stomach and buried my face hoping it would stop my head from pounding.

"Nope. Not happened." Jujubee sat down on the bed and shook me.

"What time is it?" I asked with my face still smushed into the pillow.

"It's 2PM." She answered.

That's what got me up. I threw the covers back and went to stand. "Fuck!"

Jujubee grabbed my hand and pulled me back down. "Relax. It's our day off, remember?"

I whined even more, curling up with my head in her lap.

"Not that it makes a difference considering you're always late anyway," Jujubee added as she stroked my unbrushed hair.

"Shut up. I'm the boss. I can do what I want." I mumbled.

"Ah, Brianna Caldwell, you never change." Jujubee quipped. "Only follows the rules whenever it suits her, bosses everyone around - -"

"I do not, you whore. And can you please not speak to me so loud right now?" I pulled myself up and tousled my hair. "I need some shades or something."

I always needed shades when I was hungover, so Jujubee was already prepared. She pulled them from her pocket and handed them over. "Shade up, baby girl."

Life was already so much better with them on.

"But back to the topic at hand, though. Don't you remember the chess boys from high school?" Jujubee spoke a bit quieter now. "You literally bossed them around."

"They let me boss them around 'cause they wanted to sleep with me, Jujubee," I replied, reaching for my phone.

"And, you bossed me around too." Jujubee raised her brows.

"Mmmm, I don't remember that." I hummed, feeling pretty much over the conversation.

It took Jujubee an hour to convince me to get out of bed and clean myself up. After finally getting showered and dressed, we were out of the apartment and already heading to Starbucks.

I could have made my own coffee, but that required effort. And that I wasn't willing to give that day.

We were sitting at a booth in the back, with minimal effort in trying to go incognito. But this was a regular hang out for us. There was no need to worry about our names being shouted out. The baristas eventually learned to just bring our orders to us. It made Jujubee feel bad, but I didn't mind.

The barista, Kyle, came over and put our drinks down on the table.

"I deserve this. I really, really deserve this." I said, already taking a sip of my coffee.

"Congrats on last night. The boss said if you both need a refill, just let me know." Kyle winked. God bless Kyle. "So, When's the launch day?"

"Kyle, as charming as you are, you'll just have to wait like everybody else." I tried my best to beam a smile.

"Alright. Enjoy, ladies." And Kyle walked away.

Jujubee let her eyes follow for a moment longer. I know she was literally staring at nothing in particular, but I decided to have a bit of fun. "Go ask him out, Juju."

"Girl, you ask him out," Jujubee smirked. "I'm happy enough being a crazy cat lady. I don't need no man."

I knew it was a joke. Jujubee wasn't the type to encourage me to find someone. It was like she knew how it could bother me.

Despite liking the single life, I kind of did like the sound of being with someone. Maybe it was the fear of the past that stopped me from pursuing a relationship. I had a few girlfriends in the past. But they hadn't lasted long. I was afraid they would have somehow found out about my past self. Because, once upon a time, nobody would've even dared think of me as an attractive, promiscuous, alluring, single female.

But now that I had the glow-up of the century, dyed my hair blonde, I had quite a lot of admirers. It only really started to occur when NASA began sponsoring the project, bringing more traction.

My phone started ringing, but I paid no heed.

Jujubee, however, almost dropped her drink.

"Girl, why is Ed Sheeran calling you?" Jujubee raised a brow.

And as soon as the name met my ears, I was reminded of the night before. "Oh, God." I held my head in my hands.

"What did you do?" Jujubee was already groaning.

"I fucked up," I answered.

"You didn't have a quicky with him or something, right?" Jujubee questioned further.

I lifted my head, looking at her with squinted eyes. "What? No. Ew. Juju." I sipped my coffee before bearing the news. "OK, so...I don't know why I did it, maybe 'cause I'm a mess when I'm drunk, but I…" I lowered my tone, "kinda offered him the chance to be the first person to go into the other world."

"What?? I thought we were gonna do that!" Jujubee was freaking out.

"I know. I fucked up."

"Well, call him back."

"And, tell him what? 'Sorry, Ed. Jk'?"

Jujubee's forehead was in her hands, "I was really excited." She whined.

As I said before, this meant a lot to us. We hadn't discussed it with the team yet, but Jujubee and I had privately planned that we'd be first to enter the other world. So you could understand this was incredibly disappointing for her.

"OK. How about this? Ed will go in for 5 minutes. After that, we bring him back to Earth. And then we fly off by ourselves?" I suggested.

"I was looking forward to the pink sky. And the flying horses. And the…"

Jujubee went on a ramble as my phone began to ring again. I picked it up, letting it ring for a few seconds before declining Ed Sheeran's call.

I checked if there were any texts from him. Nada. But there was one message that caught my attention. The memory of reading it the previous night came flooding back.

Jujubee was still rambling, but I put my phone down and leaned across the table slightly. "Juju, do you remember Blair St Clair?"

Jujubee's expression changed instantaneously. "Girl, of course, I do. You were in love with her for years."

"Oh my God, can you whisper, please?" I questioned, the desperation in my voice very much apparent.

"Brianna, she's back in Ohio. We're in New York. I don't think anyone's gonna go and tell."

"You never know," I briefly looked behind me for fear that somehow the world decided to shit on my luck and make her appear in the booth behind me.

"Girl, chill out. And yes, I do remember her." Jujubee replied, "you know something that always stuck with me? Please don't ask why, but I'll never forget the day you told me you were in love with her. You came out to me that day too."

-_-_-_-

1995

"Juju, I gotta tell you something," I said, throwing my doll to the side of the fort. If I didn't tell her the truth now, I never would.

"What is it?" Jujubee sounded scared.

I crossed my legs in a pretzel shape, straightened my back and declared, "Juju, I like girls. And Blair St Clair is the girl I'm in love with."

I was expecting amazement, awe, shock. But Jujubee just seemed confused.

"What? How is that possible?" She asked.

"You promise you can keep a secret?" I offered my pinky.

Jujubee joined hers with mine. "Of course I can."

"OK." Our fingers remained twisted around each other. "Well, I saw two ladies in the mall kissing. And my Mommy told me girls can like girls. And I had an a-piffa-tree. The reason I like Blair so much is because I'm in love with her!"

"Brie-Brie, you need to slow down." Jujubee put her hand up. "If girls can like girls, then how come we never see girls kissing girls? It's always boys and girls."

"I don't know."

"Have you ever kissed a girl?"

"Nope."

"Then, how are you sure?"

"I don't know. You ever get that weird feeling inside that tells you that you're right? I can feel it. I know I'm not lying."

"Wooow." Jujubee looked away briefly. "Does that mean you like me?"

"I don't know. You're my friend, Juju." I shrugged. "I mean, maybe we should kiss just to figure it out."

Juju looked like she was contemplating this for a moment before nodding her head and sitting up. "OK!"

I didn't even hesitate. Instead, I moved closer and gave her a quick kiss on the lips.

"Ew!" We both pulled away.

We both agreed to never do that again, nor ever speak of it.

As if nothing had happened, we continued on playing with our dolls for another hour before the rain came out.

I walked Jujubee home, feeling very much like 'the big girl' being all responsible.

And in walking back to my own place, wrapping my arms around myself, I saw Blair - walking alone, drenched from head to toe.

"Blair!" I ran towards her.

She turned to look at me, her face scrunched up, trying to see through the downpour.

Call it instinct, but I knew something was up, just from how she was looking at me. I put my hands on her shoulders. "What's wrong?? Are you OK?"

"I'm lost. I-I'm trying to find my way home." She said quietly.

"What. How did you - -" I stopped myself from talking any further. Instead, I took Blair by the hand and pulled her towards the bus shelter off to the side of the road.

We both sat down when we got inside. She was shaking, close to catching a cold in the awful weather. Not to mention she had no jacket on. So I pulled my arm out of its sleeve and draped half of the coat over her.

"What happened to your coat?" I asked

"I didn't bring it." She replied.

"Why not? It's cold. You're going to get sick."

"I'm sorry. I just...ran."

I was silent for a moment. Then, "What do you mean?"

She was also silent for a moment, her blue eyes drifting to the ground. "Brianna...is it normal for Daddies to shout real loud all the time? Do they smash things a lot?"

No. It was not expected. I may not have had a Father figure in my life, but I knew well enough. "Blair, what happened?"

Blair clenched her fist around the jacket. "My Daddy...he…"

Despite her timid voice trailing off, I understood. She didn't even need to say it. "Do you have somewhere to go?"

She lifted her eyes to me, "I need to get home. I just ran as fast as I could. And somehow ended up here. I don't know my way back."

"I don't think you should go back," I admitted.

"I have to. Or he'll be even more mad."

I was wracking my brain. There was no way I could let her go back. "OK. Is there somewhere you can stay for a while? Somewhere close?"

"No." Blair shook her head. "Wait. Yeah. My Granny lives somewhere around here." She looked at me with optimism in her eyes.

"That's great! I know this place like the back of my hand. I bet I can find it in a few seconds."

After sitting for 10 more minutes, the rain was starting to settle, so Blair gave me the address, and off we went. I carried her bag for her. She was probably exhausted from all the walking.

All the while, I just listened as she talked about many things - Madonna, her Princess Belle doll, how Jade from school actually picked her nose when no one was looking. So many different topics. And I didn't speak a word. I guess I was just so...astonished. Here I was, walking along in a light rainstorm, hanging out with the prettiest girl in my class. How was this possible? Was this real life?

"You've been really quiet." Blair pointed out.

"Yeah, I just can't believe you're talking to me. What the fuck?" Yes, I said that.

Blair laughed at my potty mouth. "Yeah, why wouldn't I?"

I shrugged. "Well, I don't know. Maybe 'cause no one likes me."

Blair stopped in her tracks for a moment. "I like you."

I stopped, spun around, and looked at her with wide eyes. There was no way I heard her say those words. No fucking way.

"Come on. I know where we are now. Granny's house is around the corner." Blair began to move again.

But the butterflies in my stomach were going wild. I felt warm and wanted to just hug her. But I also didn't want to alarm her. Baby steps, Brianna.

I walked Blair to the house. Her Granny came to the door and was obviously quite confused. And Blair began to cry again.

I wanted to turn and run, feeling very out of place. But Blair grabbed me before I could leave and pulled me into a hug. She pressed her tear-stained face against my shoulder and whispered, "Thank you, Brie."

"I gotta go."

I pulled out of the hug and ran as fast I could. I don't know if I left her standing there confused or if she just knew by then it was just a me thing to be awkward.

But my mind was racing; Blair liked me. I knew not in the same way as I liked her. But, surely, that meant we could be friends.

Oh, how naive I was.

A few weeks later, it was the beginning of Summer. Mom took me to the park, and there was Blair with her friends.

I ran across the grass to the picnic blanket they were all sitting at.

"Blair!" I called excitedly. I practically threw myself down next to her, giving her a tight hug.

"Ew." Jade laughed.

"Shut up, Jade." Blair snapped.

"Are you friends with the freak now or something?" Carmen questioned, inching away from me.

"I'm not a freak!" I shouted.

"Uh, yeah, you are," Serena added. "We don't want freaks in our friend group. Go on. Get lost."

"Girls - -" Blair tried.

"You wanna join her?" Jade pointed her gaze at Blair, her face scrunched up in disgust.

I was waiting for it; The big 'fuck you' as Blair stood up, took my hand and walked away.

But she remained seated. Her eyes trailed down to the ground. I tried shaking her shoulder.

"Blair?" I spoke quietly.

She didn't say a word. It was as if she had turned to stone.

My body felt cold.

"See? She doesn't like ugly people like you. No one does." Jade smirked.

I remember the moment being more intense than it actually was. Because in a matter of seconds, the girls were screaming as I began to punch Jade in her bitchy face. I couldn't punch for shit. But if it left a bruise, I was happy.

"Brianna!" I heard my Mom's voice. Her dark arms wrapped around me, pulling me away from the now crying Jade. "We are going home right now." Mom threatened. But I didn't care.

From being dragged away from the fight scene all the way until we got home, I screamed.

Mom screamed back for a while when we were in the car. But you can't fight fire with fire. So she stopped when we pulled up.

I got in, I beat the fuck out of every object that came into my line of vision. And my shouting never stopped.

"No one wants you, ugly freak!" I smashed a vase. "Worthless piece of trash!"

Mom had been chasing me all over the house, trying to calm me down. But this wasn't like any tantrum I had ever had, and as Mom had no idea what was actually going on, she had no idea what to do.

She eventually scooped me up in her arms and held me tight as she sat on the ground. I screamed as I tried to fight off her grasp, downing out all her hushed whispers. "I got you, Baby. I got you. Mommy's here."

My screams did go on for another while, but as soon as they ended, all I could say to Mom was, "I should give up. Blair will never be my friend. I'm too ugly."

Mom stood me up, so she knew I was looking directly into her eyes. She pointed a finger in my face and spoke with a cracked but stern tone. "Don't say that. Never ever say that. You are so beautiful, and no one has the right to tell you that you're not. I want you to go look in the mirror, really, really look at yourself, Brianna. And I want you to see how pretty you are. Look at your hair, your brown eyes, your freckles. You are just as pretty as everyone else, girl. You are not ugly."

I squeezed my fists, feeling the hard lump in my throat. "Then why did my Mommy and Daddy give me away?"

Mom was stunned for a moment. She took my hand. "Baby, that had nothing to do with how you look. They…" she paused, trying to find the right words to use, "they just…" another pause, "look, I'll tell you when you're older. But I promise you are not ugly."

I couldn't hold on anymore. I let out a pained cry and immediately threw myself into her arms and buried my face in her shoulder.

-_-_-_-

2020

That was my first major emotional breakdown, marking the beginning of many more to come. But, unfortunately, Mom didn't want to immediately get me help. She had a feeling it would upset me further. And she was right.

Just as I had begun middle school, I had another huge episode. That was it. There had been too many episodes throughout those years.

You can try covering a crack in the wall with a pretty picture, but the problem would never go away, would it?

I couldn't stand therapy. Why was I the one to work on my emotions when I only felt the way I did because kids were assholes? Where were all the breathing exercises and meditation sessions to make them not be dicks?

But as much as I hated it, the older I got, I opened my eyes. What I hated the most was seeing the pain I was putting Mom through. So I really tried hard not to freak out.

I didn't want to upset Mom anymore. She really did her best. And to this day, I wouldn't change her for the world.

"We're here."

I was brought out of my thoughts as the cab pulled over. I had been so gone, just sitting in the backseat, staring at the magenta glass vase in my hands.

"Keep the change," I replied, handing the driver the money and thanking him as I got out.

He took my suitcase from the trunk and left it by my side. And with a goodbye, he drove off.

Standing at the bottom of the lawn, I looked at the house. Fuck, once upon a time, I wouldn't have been so in love with its appearance. I had no idea what my Mom was going for with the multiple colours. The outside was painted pastel yellow with a sky blue door and pink frame. Then there were the various flowerpots stuck onto the wall next to the door. All different colours; pink, green, orange or blue.

OK, I lied; as a kid, I fucking loved our house. Everyone else's was boring. But when high school rolled around, people would whisper how I was "the weird hippie chick from the rainbow crack house". So, you can understand why it quickly became an eyesore for me.

I knocked on the front door, feeling the excitement bubble within me. I had been so busy with the project, it was a few months since I last saw her in person. I glanced at the vase in my hand, the perfect Birthday gift. It was perfect because I got her a new one every year. Because I never got over the guilt from smashing her favourite vase as a child. This act was to make a point - to show that no matter how much I apologised, I was always sorry, and would always be.

I knocked again. There was only a barking behind the door. Good to know someone was in.

I still had my own key. No point in standing outside all day. I made my own way in, knowing I could just surprise her later.

"Hi, baby!" I spoke in a hushed tone as Piggie started to jump around excitedly. Fuck, I missed him so much.

I closed the door and knelt down next to the pug, bringing him into a hug and kissing him on the head. "You good boy," I said in between kisses, "Let's get you some food."

Standing back up, I made my way to the kitchen, and Piggie was only happy to follow. I still remembered where his food was kept, so I poured him a bowl. Then, while he was distracted, I took my suitcase up the stairs and into my old bedroom.

Fuck, there was always something so surreal about walking into it. I hadn't lived at home since before I went to college. From that moment on, Jujubee and I always had our own places. And now, I had my apartment in New York.

Meaning, the last time I had redecorated was years before my glow up (in personality and looks). The walls were pink, I remember them being a pretty pastel tone, but they looked duller now. Above my bed, the wall was littered with posters, writing and photos. I made eye contact with Reese Witherspoon on the Legally Blonde poster, remembering how I always wanted to be like her. Funny how I kind of did achieve that.

I realised I was just standing in the doorway, just staring. So, I sat the suitcase against my desk and went to lie down. I smirked as I found all 5'5" of my whole being still fit into it.

I took out my phone and snapped a picture of myself to Jujubee, the caption reading 'Hey, babe, my parents are out?￰ 😉😉 come over?'.

While waiting for her reply, I changed my pencil skirt and blouse, choosing to wear leggings and a tank instead. Suddenly, I felt 10 years younger.

An hour passed, and Mom was still nowhere to be seen.

"Maybe she's at work. Does she have a job?" Jujubee asked me through the phone.

"I... don't know, Juju," I murmured, my attention not really on the question but on the contents of the fridge.

There was a punnet of strawberries. I helped myself to a few.

"When was the last time you spoke to her? Seriously, Brie, I'm getting so nervous." Jujubee sounded concerned. I knew her mind was thinking of the worst. And oddly enough, I found it to be entertaining.

"A few months back, actually," I smirked. "She's been real quiet, to be honest." Piggie was at my feet, looking for one of the juicy strawberries. I shook my head at him.

"Oh God, no. Did you check every room? Talk to the neighbours?"

"Oh, fuck! Juju. My God, there's a head in the fridge!" I feigned terror.

"Brianna!"

"Relax. I'm fucking with you. I spoke to her last night." I took one more strawberry. Biting into it, the juice dripped down my fingers and onto the ground. Piggie was beyond happy now, licking it up. I let him be and made my way out of the kitchen.

"That's not funny, Brianna. Don't joke about that. I thought she was missing or...worse."

"Fair enough. Sorry, girl. Anyway, how's work today?" I walked into the living room and sat on the couch.

"Good, good. Ed Sheeran's team finally got in touch," Jujubee said with a hint of disdain.

I held my forehead in one hand, wanting to punch myself for even speaking to him the week before.

I groaned, "See, this is why I should stop drinking."

"Well, to be fair, you don't drink as much as you did back in college. But when you do, you go hard."

Jujubee continued talking, lecturing me about my life choices when I moved my foot and felt it touch something under the couch. It startled me at first, but I pulled out the item.

A slipper. Grandpa's slipper. Sitting back on the couch again, letting my eyes just stare at it. "Hey, Juju. I'm gonna go."

There was a sigh on the other end. "Fine. Not like I was talking about anything important or whatever."

"Sorry," I said quietly.

"Don't worry. I still love you, whore." She said.

"Of course you do."

I made a nasty kissing sound through the phone. She was grossed out, of course, and hung up. I chuckled for a moment and put my phone away.

Piggie came into the room and jumped up on the sofa next to me. I began to pet him, my eyes now back on the shoe.

Grandpa wore his slippers more than he wore regular shoes. Every time he found out Mom had put them in the wash, he would be furious. I would always listen to him ranting and wonder why men were gross. But I'd also laugh at how he threw his hands up in the air in frustration.

There was one time, in particular. He had gotten mad for the same reason. He huffed and came into the living room, sitting down on the couch, in the very seat I currently was sitting. He was shaking his head, just looking at the TV.

I shuffled closer to him and offered a few potato chips. His frown was immediately reversed. His smile had never seemed brighter. He took a few chips and asked with a full mouth, "Hey, kiddo. Aren't you late for school?"

It was 2PM. On a Saturday.

My smile was beginning to fade, my eyes still focused on the slipper. I could feel it - a familiar twisting feeling from somewhere within my stomach, the oxygen in my lungs seeming to fail me, a tremble taking my hands over.

And then, Piggie licking my arm.

I flinched slightly as I was brought back to the present. I smiled, petting Piggie. "Where would I be without you, baby?"

Piggie didn't answer, of course. Instead, he just licked my hand, which was enough for me to chill out.

I put Grandpa's shoe back under the couch, now inspired to search more of the house. But before I got off the couch, I checked my phone. Jujubee had Snapchatted me.

Clicking into it, I froze for a moment. She was in her bathroom, the shower running behind her. I wanted to say she was the main element to the picture, cocking her head to the side, pouting her lips and raising a brow. Despite the fact Jujubee never sent me pictures like this, it wasn't the first time I had seen her in her lingerie, though. But, I couldn't help but glance at her black lacey bra. The breath was caught in my throat for a moment.

The text read, 'You OK, babe?'

Around middle school, Jujubee developed this 6th sense, knowing when something was up with me. It was impressive.

I lifted my phone up high, took a picture and made sure to get Piggie in the frame. He wasn't looking, however.

"Piggie." He was looking now. I smiled and took the picture. I captioned it, 'Just hanging out with this one'.

I hit send. And now filled with inspiration to go on a nostalgia trip, I got up from the sofa and went off to explore. I called Piggie to follow.

I found myself upstairs, standing in the doorway of Mom's room. It felt rude to intrude. After all, a bedroom wasn't just a bedroom. It was a sanctuary, a place to be yourself, to carry out your own private rituals free from judgement, a happy place. So it felt like an intrusion to invade her space.

But I spotted the perfume bottles on her dresser. There was one bottle, in particular, a fragrance she always bought. It was her favourite - a musky scent with a hint of amber vanilla.

I couldn't resist. I made my way to the dresser, lifted the bottle and smelt the underside of the lid. Immediately, I felt my body relax. It smelled just like her. And there was no smell sweeter than the smell of your own Mother. It felt safe, loving, warm. Now, I was even more excited to see her again.

That was as far as I'd go into her room. So I put the perfume back, ushered Piggie to get down from her bed and left.

I was back in my old bedroom. I wanted this nostalgia trip to be unlike any other. So I knew exactly where I'd find it. I looked in the drawers of my desk. And in the very bottom drawer, I found it; my old diary.

"This is going to be wild, Piggie. I just know it." I smirked, sitting down on my bed, my back against the headboard. Piggie curled up beside me. We were both sitting comfortably. So I began.

'Dear Dairy'

Already, I had to pause and laugh. 7 year old me would have been a legend in a spelling bee.

'Today, I had a fight with Jujubee. She really upset me, but I upset her too. I should say sorry. That's all. Bye.'

Short and sweet, child me didn't beat around the bush. She just gave you the information you needed. That was it.

I flicked a few pages forward.

'Dear Diary,

I had another fight with Jujubee. I really don't want to upset her. But sometimes I get so angry, I don't know what to do. I lost a tooth today too. So I am going to leave a note to the tooth fairy. I want her to take all my anger from me instead of my tooth. I hope it works.'

I remembered that. I had gotten mad because we were playing house. I wanted Jujubee to be both the parents, and I'd be the two kids. She didn't want to. She wanted to play the part of a child too. I freaked out, of course. I specifically remembered telling her she'd do it if she cared about me. She said she did care. But in the heat of the moment, I didn't believe her.

"God, I was such a brat," I spoke quietly.

I skipped some pages, unsure of what I was to find. And seeing one specific name, I stopped flicking through.

'Dear Blair,

You are like the sunshine. You are…'

I stopped reading, cringing at my child self. Was this before I realised it was a crush or not? What was hilarious about this entry was how damn long it was. All other accounts were short and straight to the point. But this? It went on for 3 pages. I bet my younger self felt mega proud about writing so much. But now, I felt the need to build a fucking time machine, go back to that moment and tell little Brianna, "Guess what? Nothing happens. Blair never becomes your friend. She never feels the same way about you the way you feel about her, so stop before you make it worse for yourself!"

I decided I was taking this diary back to New York. I needed to investigate it more. And there were probably some accounts that Jujubee would cackle laughing at.

My nostalgia trip wasn't at its peak just yet. I needed something that would just send me over the edge of happiness. And I knew I'd probably find that in my memory box. But there was a problem. I had given it to my Mom, asking her to hide it away somewhere. And whenever I wanted to put something into it, I'd give it to her, and she'd hide it for me.

And I made her promise to only give it back to me when I turned 50. No matter how much I cried and begged, she could not break that promise. Young me knew one day I'd be on a one way trip down memory lane.

I was so tempted to find the box. Surely, it couldn't have been too hard to find. But Piggie growled for a moment, his ears perking up. He looked at the window and started barking. I was now aware of the sound of a car's engine. A familiar one at that.

Finally, Mom was home.

I peaked out the window to see she was grabbing her bag from the car.

Piggie and I raced down the stairs, taking the vase from the living room and waiting excitedly at the door.

Funny how with excitement there came a level of anxiety, the tiniest hint of fear bubbling in your stomach. And I felt it all as soon as I heard the jiggling of the key.

The door opened slowly as if she already knew something was unusual about the place like she was bracing herself for whatever she was going to find.

She peeked around the door. My smile was beaming.

"Happy Birthday!" I shouted.

"Jesus Christ!" Mom flinched, almost falling back and stamping on the ground. Piggie was going wild now, barking from all the excitement. "Brianna, you could have given me a heart attack!" She shut the door and clasped a hand to her chest.

I laughed at her over-the-top reaction and held out the vase. "I got you another one."

Mom looked at me, still panting from her shock. She was silent for a moment, and in that silence, I realised how much I had missed her.

Mom stepped forward, took the vase and put it to the side. As she pulled me into a tight hug, I could see her face scrunching up.

There are two people of people; those who can't stand seeing their Moms cry. And fucking liars.

Of course, I belonged to the first group. As you know, I…

Well, you already know. Here, let me put in a fun diagram of things I didn't want to deal with at that moment.

"Don't ever scare me like that again, you bitch." Mom spoke softly in my ear as she cried.

"I couldn't help myself." I forced a smile.

As much as I hated seeing her cry, I knew she needed it. Me being the only child she ever had, it broke her heart when I moved out in the first place. I'd imagine it was tough now that she was alone.

Yeah, she had Piggie. But it obviously wasn't enough. So I let her cry it out as she hugged me. I could smell the perfume, and again, I felt that safety, the security a Mother's love brings.

When she pulled away, she immediately moved to the kitchen, already brewing some tea. I let her know that I didn't mind if she had to go upstairs and change or anything. But she insisted we get into the catch-up.

"I invited some people from work to come over later. You remember the flower shop beside the old church?" Mom rambled, her shaking hands pouring the tea into two mugs.

"Of course I do," I answered, sitting at the table, with Piggie in my lap.

"Yeah, I work there now." Mom replied.

I felt bad. This shouldn't have been news. It was my part to already know that.

Mom sat at the table, placing the mugs down too. Piggie's attention was drawn to them, licking his lips with thirst.

"So I hope you're not jet-lagged, girl." The excitement was practically radiating from her face.

I was a bit exhausted, but she deserved to have a great night. "I'm good. Don't worry."

"Oh, and your aunt is coming." She added, sipping her tea.

"Aunt Monét! Yes, bitch."

It had been a very, very long time since I last saw Monét. She knew how to turn a party. And she was always so glamorous. I remember numerous times as a child asking her to teach me her ways, be my mentor, so I could grow up to look as good as she did.

"So, it's gonna be a long night. Be prepared." Mom said.

"So, it's a party?"

"Not my plan, but knowing Monét, that's how it will turn out. Anyway, I saw pictures from the event last week. You looked great up on that stage, baby. Keep doing me proud."

I gave her a gracious smile as I sipped my tea. A small drop fell onto my lap. Piggie was searching for it, but it had already soaked in. Sorry, Piggie.

"Yeah, I kinda fucked up, though," I said, playing with one of the dog's ears.

"'Fuck’ always has been your favourite word," Mom shook her head, "Go ahead. Tell me, what did you do?"

"So at the after-party, I kinda offered Ed Sheeran to be the first person to go through. Please don't ask me why. The answer is; I was drunk. I don't have a more logical explanation for you right now."

Mom was silent for a moment, her eyes narrowing. "Ed Sheeran? Why him?"

"I told you, I have no idea." I sipped my tea. "I'm just a fucking idiot when I'm drunk."

"So, what now? Is he actually going to do it?"

"Yep. His team got in contact. Everything is set in stone." I was ashamed of the whole Ed Sheeran thing, but now telling this to my Mother, it felt all the more embarrassing.

"Oh, God. This is going in history books, girl." Mom held her forehead in her hand.

"I know," I reciprocated. "Even worse, now they're asking the big questions like 'is the atmosphere safe on the other side?' We're still in the middle of working all that out."

"OK, asides from the Ed Sheeran fuck up," Mom put her hand on mine, "I am extremely proud of how far you've come since you were just a kid."

Uh oh. This wasn't what I wanted.

"And I know you're so busy with this whole thing, but sometimes, I just wish you'd call."

Fuck. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, no. I don't wanna make you feel bad, girl. Like I said, you're a busy lady." She held a hand up.

But still, I felt bad.

"Shit. I was supposed to pick up some lemonade on the way home." Mom stood up, taking her tea with her. She had barely touched it.

"I could go to the store if you want," I suggested, taking a big gulp of tea.

"I mean, if you wanna, go for it. Tina still works there. It would be nice to see her again." Mom continued. She reached in her pocket.

I kissed Piggie on the head before putting him on the ground. "It's OK. I got it." I stood up from the table.

We had a bit of back and forth about who paid. I left before she could even give me her spare change.

Before I walked out the door, Piggie looked sad to see me go. Of course, I was coming back, but he didn't know that. Therefore I felt guilty.

I put my sunglasses on as I walked out the door. It wasn't even sunny out, but I knew I'd probably get stopped by people I used to know to dive deep into conversations about how far I had come. I had things on my mind, so many thoughts circling in my head.

I knew I should have put more effort into staying in contact with Mom. But after years of putting her through hell, I felt a sense of guilt. There were a few times I'd message, and somehow the conversation would take a turn, and she'd bring up a childhood memory.

I was done with my past. I was once a troubled child who eventually grew up to have a better mindset. I didn't want to relay the breakdowns, all of the vases I had smashed.

Then I realised how much of a contradiction that all was as I realised it was all that was on my mind as I walked down the street. So I plugged in my earbuds and drowned out the thoughts with whatever Spotify had to offer.