#i posted it at 3am and they are all offline

[twptwp]

Please share

Hello, I contemplated it a lot, I decided it would be best. I will be sharing this beware on a rather big artist here who hurt me personally.

I will write more at the end. Please take care. Warning: the post is very big

Pestkitty is also known as Nopperabou if I remember the name correctly on other platforms such as Artfight and Youtube

*It should be noted this is very blatant lying on that guys part, I was keeping to myself for this entire time and harassed nobody, on the contrary his friends had been harassing me. I regret not writing that more clearly

I don't think I mentioned it in the original post images but I would also like to note at the time I was not an adult yet and it was my first time going on a plane... 11 hour flight completely alone is scary, no family, nobody in my family has ever travelled so far. It was a very big deal

END OF IMAGES

Description from original post on Instagram (it's a lot so I'll make it small):

HI HI PAWB! Lots and lots of people wanted me to put this together, please do share, even if you do not know the people it would be great help. The more people who know the more people who can stay safe. This post is a little overdue but I was gaslit by them into thinking these were not big issues and that I was the one being strange so it took a while for me to gain the stability to put this together, I ended up downplaying my feelings a lot and it wasn't untill somewhat recent when I realised I may be developing a new disorder from their abuse that oh... I was not wrong for my concerns and feelings; these people really are harmful. I do not condone harassment so please do not go messaging these people. Block, share, and move on. Stay safe. That is my internet mission for you🚀

I make this post because they are rather gross and dangerous and have considerably big audiences, people have told me their opinions that they should not have the platforms that they have because their behaviours are dangerous. There is more things they've done that I have not included because I would like some of my own privacy even after my private information was leaked in a comic haha... I've displayed enough behaviour from them to show who they are and what they do though, so this is enough!

This is quite intimidating for me, so, I will be going offline off of this account for a few days and just let this post simmer... Not for too long because I have some awesome art cooking HEHE but YA! If there are questions in the comments my friends will answer for me! Though, I think I've been rather transparent so I don't think there would be any.

I will also be providing more proof in my story, specifically proof that slide 10 IS that guy because quite frankly anybody could be "Instagram user" and they have fabricated stuff against me in the past so I think it would be good to prove it is that account.

Okay bla bla that is all, apologies this is such a scary and serious post especially as I like to keep my account a friendly nice place but ahhh it really has been burning at me. So, thank you for reading so very much. Bye bye pawb!

End of description^

That was a lot! So here is why I'm sharing it to Tumblr:

☆Awareness! NOBODY should have to risk getting close to these people. NOBODY.

☆Better circulation! My Instagram post got over 3000 likes, lots of shares, 100s of comment and many saves so it did very well however after a while things leave the light and become something "of the past". I notice this does not happen so much on Tumblr and things continue to be shared

☆This still effects me. The original Beware is from 3 months ago however I am currently doing this because I was restless from lastnight nightmare (I had a nightmare about these people) and now I'm all nauseous and shaky again! It's 3am and I was panicking a lot so I put this together, I'm yet to rest

And finally....

☆TAGS

I notice that if an image in a tag becomes popular enough it shows up on things like Google! Isn't that cwl! So, if a fan of these people searches for them on the internet the beware could show up which may deter them from the artist. This is great, which is why I also need your help in making this popular!

Thank you sincerely for your time, it is greatly appreciated. I feel calmer now that I have made this post, I regret not making it earlier but it is better now than never. Nos da ac breuddwydion melys pawb♡

[scummy-writes]

I just read your post about notes and have to say I agree. Notes are not a measure of how talented you are or how popular. There are some bangin' writers in this fandom who don't get a lot of notes and others who get a lot of notes but are frankly, overrated.

Callin other writers 'overrated' is rude ngl, we're all just people writing about the 2D pixels who have stolen our wallets and braincells, we don't need to diminish the time and effort of other's writings just because we don't personally like how they write or similar. I encourage you to not think like that towards normal folks sharing their passions in fandoms.

That aside, you are right in the rest of it, and it's something I've been noticing with a lot of creators in ike fandoms. Someone I follow digs up old posts that seem 'forgotten' and I am always surprised that something I think is amazing has such a small amount of notes.

Getting notes is generally a game of luck, I believe, and people don't seem to consider that. People will post something and then feel crushed because it doesn't hit the note count they hoped for, and near immediately they want to beat themselves up and never write again.

And it's frustrating. It's so frustrating that people are willing to give up on a hobby or healthy creative outlet because of notes. They hardly take into account that people may have missed the post, that maybe their followers are offline, that maybe the time they post is at 3am for another timezone. That yeah, sometimes those who see it aren't interested, but that's not a criticism of the quality, it's just not someone's preference.

I love the internet, but it's terrible that... well I can't think of a proper word, but consumerism (essentially) is running rampant through it nowadays. People will work hard and share their hobbies, but feel crushed that no one 'seems to care' when that's hardly ever the case. And while I can't blame folks for being upset at a lack of notes, I wish healthier thinking towards all of this was more commonplace and encouraged.

[stirdrawsandreblaws]

sorry but i NEED to yell about this vtuber stuff aaaAAAA

yesterday, two of the four Holostars Guild TEMPUS members met up for an offline collab: Magni Dezmond (self-proclaimed alchemist and inventor of copium), and Regis Altare (guild leader and rumored serial killer based on his hobby of going on 3am walks, as seen in this clip)

the collab was a lunchables and candy mukbang mostly sweet and goofy, just guys being dudes, except there was a running gag where every time Altare wandered off to do a thing, Dez would start whispering to chat like "help, please, get me out of here" kind of stuff, and at one point he made a message with their pizza lunchable:

Altare, meanwhile, made a show of being affectionate and silly, multiple times encouraging Dez to make a heart with their hands together. Dez thwarted this the first time by making a thumbs up and copying their stream thumbnail art, which is this:

but then later they actually made a heart, which Dez immediately turned into the thumbs up again, which Altare went serial killer mode and "attacked" him for; while Dez was calling for help to the chat his voice got cut off and the stream ended suddenly.

immediately after that, this now-deleted tweet showed up on Altare's twitter:

and after it was deleted he put this one up:

Dez hasn't tweeted since, but his last 4 twitter likes, as of this posting, spell the message H-E-L-P

aaa i love these boys so much ok their bits are legendary (yes it's a bit for the heehee hahas and nobody is actually in danger, i swear)

anyway, here's a link to the video, and a commenter has timestamped all the times Dez asked for help:

there's also already a lot of really good and funny fanart

and this will probably only get more wild and ridiculous because both of them are scheduled to be offline for the next couple of days

i cannot WAIT to see it

also sorry i left out a lot of stuff but i was trying to make the shortest version of this post i could possibly make lol

[beaniepanini]

040124 00:34

hi. i havent written in a while. im sorry. to be honest, i dont know how to start. i've been all over the place since the last time i wrote. i dont really understand much anymore, and im kind of having a crisis? kinda. last i wrote was september, so i didnt get to write about what i'd like to call "The October Fiasco" because yeah, it's the type of thing that happens that require me to give it a title.

The October Fiasco happened on October 26, 2023. A month and a half since the break-up. At that point, the last time I talked to my ex was on my birthday, cuz theyre an asshole like that. i had a seminar five cities over the next day and had to leave at 3am. that day was already off to a bad start which involved an argument with my dad, and me having a breakdown at the GSO. 7pm i had dinner with my adviser at orgmates and decided to check my life360 cuz i was still hung up on my ex. they were at the hospital. why were they at the hospital? are they okay?

My adviser told me it wasnt my problem anymore, I said yeah, its not. But i still cared about them. Fate was being a bitch and i ended up at the hospital anyways. Long story short, they didnt say anything about the fact that i was there. i dont fucking know. i may never find out what the fuck was in their mind that night, but whatever. its over. there's no point in me being mad anymore. i feel like im about to have a breakdown right now. i said what i said when they reached out in february. i dont want to talk to them anymore.

thats a lie. i feel like those 2 years were nothing to them and i was just never ever worth the effort. i feel horrible. right before i blocked them on facebook, their last post hinted that they liked someone new. would they treat that person the same? would they treat that person better? would they put in more effort? why couldn't they do that for me? was i just not worth it? i hate them. i fucking hate them for making me feel like this. no matter how much i give my heart out to them when we were together, it was nothing to them. they tried. i know that they fucking tried, pero putangina. when they reached out, they were cutting me off, what makes them think they have that kind of power over the situation? no. FUCK YOU. i'm not letting you get out of this unscathed. i want you to feel how much hurt you made me feel. i hope you fucking live with this guilt. i dont want you to find love, i want you to have nightmares about me.

im angry now. for fucks sake. anyways. i've moved on. i still have anger in my heart, but im sure i dont love them anymore. i cant fucking look back and think of happiness, im so angry that i wasted 2 years of my life with them. but we keep moving forward, i met someone. i've been having a hard time feeling that they genuinely do like me back because theyre a hypersexual person, but i know that this is also cuz i keep comparing them to my ex.

also, i should stop hiding their identity. hes a guy. ig that contributes as to why the whole hypersexual thing throws me off, considering i was assaulted. but he reassured me once, i said i know. im not used to the love and attention, so i know is not a him problem. its a me problem. he's been,, amazing. hes blown all my expectations out of the water. all the shit i had to beg for, he did it all naturally. he matches my energy. we're both weirdos. he makes me feel safe and cared for. i admit that im also hypersexual, but i never really talked about it. so with him, i feel comfortable. i opened up about it. we're doing okay. im not used to someone wanting me this much. im trying not to self-sabotage so i've been doing a lot of self-reflecting lately.

i still get emotional flashbacks to when i was with my ex. that if he's offline i assume the worst, because thats what happened with my ex. or just a few hours with not talking to him i go crazy and assume he wants nothing to do with me anymore. im working on it, but for fucks sake i didnt realize how deep the damage was until i met a guy willing to talk about it with me. my friend was really angry about this too when i opened up about it. it was an odd morning and he said he doesnt feel okay so he'll be offline for a bit. he said it was something personal, but i shut down. i assumed it was bcuz he was tired of me. i assumed he realized i was too much. that wasn't the case obviously, but i felt it. i have to keep reminding myself that he's not my ex.

i rambled. sorry. but yeah. im doing okay. kinda. we have a new puppy, her name is Taki.

[emilieautumnarchives]

NEW CHAT ANNOUNCED and Mochi!

Posted: October 18, 2006 Archived from BonnyTymePyrate’s Journal Archives

Hello my little Tea Tartlets!

I am writing tonight firstly and foremostly to apologize to all who were waiting around for the Chat on the 15th - and waited in melancholy vain. The sadly mundane fact is that I was offline and couldn’t log on to let you all know that the Chat has been rescheduled! The NEW PLANS ARE:

October 29th:

12pm PST, US 1pm MST, US 2pm CST, US 3pm EST, US 2pm Mexico 8pm London 9pm Berlin 9pm Paris 3am Hong Kong 4am Tokyo 5am Melbourne 9pm Stolkholm 9pm Brussels 8pm Dublin 9pm Oslo 9pm Rome

I hope you will join me for the following extremely unsettling reasons:

There is to be (of course) an announcement, nay, several announcements, which I believe may be of some small interest to you, if I may presume, which, if you are reading this, my presumption, while noxious, is likely not entirely unfounded.

For grand example!

1. There are to be brand new songs unveiled which you, my dear ones, will be able to listen to AT the chat itself, such is the magnificent interface the Asylum workers are building just for you. I will also unveil some collaborations with some very VERY VVEERRYYY special guests whom I have not been permitted, by Asylum protocol, to name heretofore now.

2. There will also be shown to thee! The brand spanking new EA T-shirt design which will be modeled for you by an an otherwise nude EA. Thinkest thou I jest? Ha! My seriousness both frightens and delights me.

3. There will be an opportunity to purchase a very special, and fresh off the presses, item which will be known only to those attending the Chat, so don’t be late!

4. Finally! There will be an announcement regarding a very important future occurrence which I am positively and negatively bursting at my metaphorical seams to tell you about, but suffice it to say presently that it is the reason why my fingers burn and I have not been sleeping.

COME JOIN ME!!!

In other news, had drinks with the lovely George Corpsegrinder from Cannibal Corpse recently, which prepared me for meeting Exodus, The Black Dahlia Murder, and Hatebreed last week. Robby Duke (Exodus) is a darling whom I will again become intoxicated with this Friday at the Nuclear Blast HoB show if the Asylum permits. If you are a lovely lady drummer that I met that night last week, I’m writing to you shortly - I’ve been in my recording cave, and many apologies.

Love & Bloody Crumpets from the Asylum for Wayward Victorian Girls, EA

[doct0r-sunshine]

i just came out to my whole family and irl friends and holy shit, it feels good to get my deadname off of my account

[2-point-5]

okay, i'm making this a whole big post that i'll reblog on all my sideblogs.

i'm driving to missouri for christmas, meaning i will be offline for the next 15 hours (i should be back online roughly 3am est dec 22nd). if you send asks or messages, and i don't respond, that's why.

i might have some posts queued, depending on the blog.

i fucking hate road trips. pray for me.

[cinnamoncoffees]

🤔👖🖋

🤔 What is the hardest part of writing fic?

I have adhd which, for me, means I'm either IN IT 100% and it's easy and hooray, inspiration, omg I love this, obsessed still working at 3am, OR I can't start, I've lost motivation, I don't wanna, let's do this other thing I just thought of, procrastinate all the things, why are words. It's not the actual writing, it's my brain. Which doesn't explain why I can't keep tenses consistent when I'm tired, but we don't talk about that.

👖 - just answered this one!

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP

As you can imagine, I have a few! I'm not telling what this is from, but you might be able to guess:

In the morning, Simon was still sprawled in bed at gone 11am, feeling warm and content, and wondering if he could will some coffee into existence without having to leave his cocoon. The sound of the shower turning off distracted him, and he peeked out of the duvet as Wille padded back towards the bed. Simon’s brain went offline for a moment as he was greeted by Wille’s damp mid-section, a towel wrapped round his hips.

“Uh—”

“Morning, sleepyhead.”

“You’re up,” Simon managed, stupidly.

“Yeah. Not for long. Room service brought breakfast though. There’s coffee, but you have to move to get it.”

“I think I dreamed about this.”

Wille snorted. “About the coffee?”

“Yeah, and you didn’t have a towel.”

“Oh, OK. I’m going to put some clothes on now.”

“Noooo,” Simon complained, making grabby hands at him, aiming for the towel, but Wille had already stepped back, out of reach and laughing. “No fair.”

Wille had just turned away, reaching for things out of his suitcase, when Simon saw it.

Ask game

[studywithprincess]

30/12/20

Omg I’ve been offline for so long but I’m baaack. Hope everyone’s doing okay! This post was scheduled for New Year’s Eve but I’m bad at sticking to plans 😂 Anywaaay, enjoy my New Year’s Eve reflection:

Not sure what it was but I felt the need to read all my journal entries at like 3am this morning and it was very sobering. It’s about a year old and seeing how much I’ve changed is crazyy. I was reading some of the entries and thinking wtf is this girl talking about, I was literally talking out of my ass but I digress 😂

My last entry was actually written in July 2020, which feels like really long ago. Hopefully, I’ll journal more this year. I really miss it and I realise in hindsight how therapeutic it was. Try it out ☺️

[say-the-name-sebongie]

Stereo Hearts

Synopsis: Silence can drive a person mad which makes radio like some sort of hero. It just takes a while to find the right station to listen to. Pairing: Jihoon x fem!reader Genre: fluff, collegeAU!Jihoon Warnings: noneeee Word Count: 1.6k words a/n: pls pretend spotify doesn't exist yet and yes this was kinda inspired by radio rebel

_____ silently thanked whoever created the radio. She thought that she would go crazy from the silence of the room she was in. The fact that her roommate was always grouchy and complained that she couldn't do anything if there were any "annoying" sounds made it hard for her to study in their shared room. She couldn't complain about it because the free dorm room that came with the scholarship was more than she could as for. So that left her to study in the dorm common room, earphones plugged into her phone and its radio tuned on some old radio station nobody listened to anymore.

Unfortunately for her, the songs that played on the radio these days didn't have any essence. They were either about having sex or were just pure electronic noise if they weren't memes. None of which helped her study. Sure there were some good songs but that only came on the radio every few weeks. So she had no choice but to go back to her routine of ever maddening silence.

On her way to class one day, she saw a poster on the notification board at the school entrance about the launch of the university's first radio station.

"I didn't know the university had its own radio station," she mumbled to herself. The bell rang and she left the poster behind, taking note of the station numbers and promising herself that she would check out the newfound radio station after class. Station 5.26.

That night she calibrated her phone radio until she heard a voice crackling in her earphones.

" -again guys to Station 5.26, University Radio. I have to get out of here to give my shift over to DJ Woozi so here's Fly Me To The Moon by good old Frank Sinatra. Good night!"

Old-timey music wafted into her ears as Frank Sinatra sang. The girl smiled. Now there was some good music. She took her books out of her bag and started going through what she had learned that day.

Studying became a joy more than a job when she listened to University Radio. Her favorite segment was the one hosted by DJ Woozi, who she heard was a student in the university. She had fallen in love with his impeccable taste in music, ranging from hard rock and hip hop to orchestral music and old classics. But that wasn't the only thing she had fallen in love with.

Hearing his voice over the crackly speakers of her phone made her feel better. A day hadn't gone since discovering that radio station that she didn't listen to his segment, Simple Radio, all night. Even if it ended at 3am, she couldn't finish her day without hearing him sign off with his signature "Goodbye guys, and may the simplest things make you smile today."

He was her vitamin. And though she had never even seen him yet, one could say that she had fallen for him.

Which is why she was devastated to hear that the station would be offline for the duration of the coming school break.

Over spring break she could think of nothing but going back to school. Most students wouldn't want their days of vacation to end but _____ was itching for the new term to arrive.

After an eternity, the day classes resumed came. As she sat in the back of her father's car, she could barely hear him talk about how he had gotten an email from the university about new dorm arrangements. Her mind was off in another place, some specific radio booth to be exact. As soon as they stopped at the school gate she hurried out of the car, not even bothering to give her bewildered father a second look.

A bunch of students were crowding the notification board, blocking the entrance. When she got to the front of the crowd she saw that the dorm rooms offered by the university were shuffled, including her dorm room.

To: The Students

Re: Dorm Room Assignments

Dear Beloved Students,

The faculty has come to a decision to rearrange the existing dorm rooms from being separated by gender to a co-ed arrangement. This is to ensure that we make the most of the space that is allotted for the dormitory rooms. Posted below are the said room assignments.

Thank you for your cooperation.

_____ scanned the list until she found her name. Room 17, Building B. Under that was another name equating to the same dorm. Lee Jihoon. From an annoyingly sensitive girl to some strange guy she had never met, her dorm life was never boring.

She dragged her luggage to Building B, hurrying so she could turn on her radio again. Heaving a sigh in front of room number 17, she opened the door to reveal a room with two beds and a boy in front of his laptop on one of the desks that were pushed against the wall. He had brightly colored hair buried under a big pair of headphones, his fingers tapping on the desk as he listened to something on his laptop.

As quietly as she could, _____ snuck into the room. She must have been noisier than she thought because he turned around to face her. His surprisingly handsome features gathering in confusion before they softened into understanding.

"You're _____, right?" he said, his hand slightly hesitating whether it should hold itself out for her to shake or not. The girl smiled and nodded before shaking his hand which he finally decided to stretch out. He smiled, his starry eyes disappearing into half-moons. Maybe this guy was better than her last dormmate.

Over the next few weeks, she and Jihoon became friends. Meeting up outside of class and talking about absolutely anything. _____ was glad to not be in the company of someone who hated listening to music. Blasting music in their dorm room was something they both enjoyed. She and Jihoon even shared the same favorite artists so picking which songs to play was never an issue.

There was something about the boy that felt so familiar as if she had met him before. She couldn't deny the fact that she liked being with him. Not even to herself. Being with him almost made her forget about her favorite radio station.

Almost.

On one early Saturday morning, she was alone in the dorm listening to Station 5.26 yet again when Jihoon came through the door from his part-time job. "Hey." she greeted him, not bothering to remove her earphones or even look up at her roommate.

"What are you listening to?" he asked, walking to her side and peeking at her phone screen. _____ turned her phone slightly to show the boy. He turned to look at her, a surprised look on his face.

"You listen to University Radio too?" Jihoon asked her incredulously. Enthusiastic about finding another common thing between them she started gushing about how she found the radio stations and how much she loved it over all the more mainstream stations.

Her roommate just smiled as she talked, silently taking in everything she said as he put his bag down and sat on his bed. The boy stared at her smiling face and blushing cheeks, hands that moved with every word she said, dainty fingers that pointed to nowhere in particular as she spoke, eyes that shone and sparkled and luscious pink lips that he just wanted to-

The boy pinched himself out of his daydream. He couldn't be crushing on his roommate right now.

It didn't take long for her to start talking about Simple Radio and DJ Woozi. Jihoon's eyes lit up when she mentioned it. _____ spilled everything she had kept to herself, from her love for his taste in music to her embarrassing crush on him. It all came spilling out. She felt as if she could trust Jihoon with them. As her secrets came to the light, the boy's eyes became wider and wider.

"Hey, you know I work for the university radio station, you wanna come along to my shift tonight?" he offered her. His roommate immediately agreed, wrapping her arms around his neck and thanking him again and again. His cheeks burned, a reddish tint left on them when she let go.

That night they got ready to go out. _____ could hardly believe her luck. It was almost 9pm, the time for Simple Radio to come on. That meant that when she got to the studio, her idol would be there. And she could finally meet him!

The studio was a dimly lit but cozy place. It was filled to the brim with CDs and records. Several speakers hung from the ceiling and stood at every corner. An empty booth stood in the middle of the floor. Jihoon put down his bag and walked to it, fiddling with some buttons and levers. _____ walked around to inspect the shelves. She found old CDs of famous singers and unknown rock bands. It fascinated her that so much music could be contained in one place.

A crackling came from the speakers, then a voice.

"Hey guys welcome back to Station 5.26 University Radio, I'm your nighttime companion DJ Woozi and this is Simple Radio."

_____'s eyes widened. She looked at her watch. 9:00pm, it said. The girl hurried back towards the booth, expecting to see DJ Woozi. But when she got there it was only Jihoon, headphones on his ears. She watched him, confused as to why he was inside. His gaze met hers through the glass.

"I'm here today in the booth with a person that's very special to me standing outside, watching me. She doesn't know that I'm the DJ Woozi she wanted to meet so bad,"

_____'s mouth gaped open.

"Nor does she know that I like her."

Jihoon smiled at her through the glass, mouth still near the microphone.

"And I hope that my confession today will blossom into something more."

[starglitterz]

hihi ! i've queued the fluffvember masterlist/info post to be posted at 3am gmt+8 , i hope u all like the idea of it & decide to participate :DD i'll tag the ppl who said they were interested in a reblog of it when i wake up :) for now i've got some hw to do, so i'll be going offline for today. gn everyone, take care, ily! <3

[bondsmagii]

Ratthew, how do you deal with 3am misery and suicidal ideation? I'm really tired and sad and I keep feeling like I'm so close to giving up

honestly? this probably isn’t what you want to hear, because on the surface it seems like a catastrophically terrible idea, but the very first thing I do is get offline.

it seems like it’s the least helpful thing you can do, because you know, then you are Alone With Your Thoughts. but I find the constant refreshing is very stressful, because at 3am not much is happening; it feels very isolating and very frustrating, and then pretty much every post I see makes me angry or just makes me sadder... it becomes a really dangerous loop, and it can quickly spiral out of control. so I get off social media, I put my laptop away, and immediately I feel like a weight is off my shoulders.

now to deal with being Alone With Your Thoughts: try to do something else. anything else. if you’re even the slightest bit tired, try to sleep. you can always get up again if it doesn’t work! most of the time, sleeping is like a factory reset: you might not be totally fine in the morning, and of course the mental illness will still be there, but chances are your suicidal thoughts will have lessened or gone altogether. if sleep is out of the question, do something that’s distracting but not emotionally or mentally taxing. for me, the best thing to do is just watch stupid meme compilations on YouTube, or listen to people reading out creepy stories from Reddit. it’s engaging, it’s very low effort, and it means the room isn’t quiet and I don’t feel like I’m solo piloting through hell. sometimes the meme compilations even get a laugh, which is a phenomenal feat when you consider what we’re dealing with here.

other things I sometimes do, that might work if you’re able: I sometimes go out on a drive and listen to music, or I get in the shower, or I do some household chores. yes, it’s 3am, and yes, household chores still suck, but I’m suicidal anyway so I might as well get it over with while I’ve got nothing else going on, you know? it keeps you busy, it gives you something to do, and quite often you’ll realise something you actually want to do halfway through. if not, you still get to wake up the next morning with the dishes rinsed or the laundry shoved into a drawer, which is a bonus. 

I know that all of these are only small fixes, but remember that you only have to get through the night. yeah, things won’t be perfect in the morning, and yeah, this might happen again another night, but if you can get through it once you can get through it again -- even if it doesn’t feel like it. you’ve already made it through all of the bad nights before this one, so fire up some meme videos or some cute animal compilations, take a breath, and be patient. I promise it won’t feel so bad in the morning.

[pradadoie]

A full translation of HXX’s second victim’s post - Part 2

During that time, I was really surprised and confused at the same time, but I also felt a sense of disappointment, as my love for him was a fan-idol kind of love. I was also aware that an idol-fan romance would basically mean that his career would be over - which was something which made me hesitate. But to be honest, girls like to put up a blind yet confident front, thinking that a scenario like this (idol-fan romance) would be the equivalent of a scene from a romance drama - having their dreams come true despite being distant from reality. After I met him in the hotel, my image of him was broken, however, coming out from the cracks (of the broken image) was a more realistic man, thinking that I would be able to fulfill the dreams of hugging and casually talking to my favorite idol - what I did not anticipate was that this was a trap surrounded by flowers. (meaning that she fell into HXX’s trap)

Wechat convo (left)

HXX: Want to call me?

HXX: To make sure that I’m real 

HXX: Do you want to?

HXX: *emojis*

OP: I can’t call you. My sister is sleeping beside me..If I were to call you I would have to go outside OP: Are you sure you want to call me?

(right - context: he asked her if she was also going to Japan the next day)

HXX: It’s okay

HXX: Accompanying your family is more important

OP: Do you want me to go?

OP: *sticker*

HXX: hmm

HXX: *emoji*

HXX: But no 

OP: If you say it that way I might just buy a plane ticket immediately 

HXX: I’m just asking you out of curiosity 

OP: *censored*

HXX: Actually! How about you drop by at the hotel to see me if you feel like it

(OP’s note - On the same day they added each other, Lucas suggested that they both delete the chats between them, and because of that, she only had these few remaining screenshots.)

Around 3AM on that day, I arrived at the hotel he was staying in. When I saw him, it felt like a dream. At first, I was nervous, because I was seeing the idol I like in real life. I stood next to the bed, not knowing what to do. He went around the hotel room to check if there was any alcohol. After failing to find the alcohol, he gave up and lied down on the bed and began chatting with me. He mentioned that he received many letters in the fansign, but only opened my letter as he already noticed me since his offline activities, so he always brought my stuff (The gifts she gave him) wherever he went. I responded saying that this was the first time I’ve encountered something like this, he mentioned that this was his first time as well and I believed him. 

After talking about the stress he was facing recently, I asked him if he had ever been in contact with other fans. After pondering about it, he mentioned that he did meet one from China, but he thought the fan wasn’t good looking, therefore he only ate a meal and chatted with her. He liked talking to fans so he could know their thoughts until he cut contact with them completely. It was as if there was a rose-tinted filter in front of my eyes as I believed his words once again. 

After a long talk with him, I asked if he wanted to rest as he was about to fly off to Japan in the morning. He mentioned that his teammate was about to wake up and prepare to leave for the airport in a bit, so he won’t be sleeping. We ended up getting intimate (OP mentioned that they did intimate acts, but did not have sex. T/n: correct me if I’m wrong) 

Before departing, he told me not to tell anybody (which included very close friends and family) about the encounter we just had and told me to delete all our chat records. He told me to contact him through Wechat if I wanted to meet up with him and told me not to send him off at the airport. I initially thought he said this because of the security system at the airport. Turns out, he just feels exhausted at the airport and went on to say that he never paid any attention to the fans who gather at the airport because they are not good looking enough, so there was no need to send him off.

[fairestcat]

We Did The Thing: Musings On the AO3, Wiscon, and Winning the Fandom Culture Wars

HOLY SHIT WE WON A MOTHERFUCKING HUGO.

Ahem.

More seriously - or at least more verbosely - I think we won the fandom culture wars. How weird is that?

This is a sort of rambly post. It's about the OTW and the AO3, but it's also about Wiscon, because that's the community I'm in where old-school SFF fandom and transformative works fandom collide, and it's where I've watched this transformation happen over the last decade.

Back in October I made a tumblr post about the history of the OTW/AO3: On the AO3 all these years later.

That post is mostly just quotes from the comments to @astolat's original post that started the AO3: An Archive Of One's Own - and quotes from the post I made back then linking to hers:  An Archive of One's Own, Or: Why Shouldn't We Ask For Everything We Want?

Those posts are from May 2007. I was on the OTW Finance Committee by that fall.

One year later, in May 2008, I went to my first Wiscon. I was on two panels: "Fanfic and Slash 201," and "Fanfic Rising: The Organization for Transformative Works."

They were back to back on Saturday night. "Fanfic and Slash 201" from 9:00 to 10:15 and the OTW panel from 10:30 to 11:45. All fanworks panels at non fanworks-specific cons were late night panels back then. Or, occasionally, on Monday morning after half the con had gone home.

I don't remember who else was on the Fanfic 201 panel, but the OTW panel was me, @oliviacirce and ellen_fremedon. The three of us had never met before that con. @oliviacirce and I had been in Chicago Friday night for a Panic! At the Disco concert and hadn't gotten back to Madison until 3am. I have no idea how we were even still coherent for a 10:30 PM panel.

None of us wrote the panel description, which reads even more impressively antagonistic in retrospect.

"The Organization for Transformative Works (OTW), led by fanfic writers, fan vidders, and fan artists (including writer Naomi Novik) seeks to establish a new regime in copyright law, in which 'all fannish works are recognized as legal and transformative and are accepted as a legitimate creative activity.' Should there be an exception for fanfic under copyright? Is OTW a good idea? (Some fans are afraid that OTW's activities will end BigMedia's tolerance for fannish creations.) What does the law say? What's the viewpoint of those who create original works -- should authors lose control of their original creations, as long as fans claim protection under a fanfic exception? And what about OTW's commitment to offer protection for RPF (Real People Fanfic)?"

At the time I would have said it was a pretty good panel, and yet we spent a distressing percentage of the panel defending the mere right of fanworks to even exist.

I went back to Wiscon in 2009, which was an...eventful year. It was the first Wiscon post-Racefail and it sparked a lot of discussion of intersecting modes of fannishness and particularly online fandom vs. offline con-based fandom, which was at the time a much bigger divide.

Wiscon 2009 was also the year @ellen_fremedon went to a panel on historical fiction, and got jumped on by Ellen Klages, who was one of that year's Guests of Honor, for the sin of mentioning fanfic in her presence.

After that Wiscon I posted Wiscon, Media Fandom and The Larger Fannish Conversation, about my experience of that divide, particularly as a transformative works fan at Wiscon.

Here's the thing: online media and fanfic fandom is a vibrant, active community within broader SF fandom. [...] And to a large extent media fandom is where the young female fans are, the women who are the future of fandom. We're there at Wiscon too; I was amazed by the number of people from LJ fandom I saw at the con this year. And yet, when it comes to having a voice in larger fandom, we're still the embarrassing cousin shuffled off into the corner (or the hotel lobby). Even at Wiscon, the feminist science fiction convention, we're mostly under the radar, carving out a tiny niche for ourselves.

Last year we had two general, broad-topic fanfic panels. This year we had a fanfic panel, a vidding panel and the media vs. book fandom panel, which was not explicitly a media fandom panel but had an audience heavily weighted towards media fandom participants. And I walked into those panels and I thought "Here! Here are my people!" But it was frustrating too. Why are we relegated to the corner, why are we willing to be relegated to the corner? The conversations we're having, the things we're doing, they don't exist in a vacuum, they're relevant to the larger fannish conversation, they're especially relevant, I think, to the conversation going on at Wiscon. And I think it's time we were a bigger, more open part of that conversation.

So, we set out to make that happen. The OTW and the AO3 were a big part of that. Everyone who was worried at the time that the OTW would bring too much attention to fandom was right to be afraid. And wrong to be afraid too. Because that attention was how everything started to change. The OTW was fandom coming out of the closet, and like any coming out it was a powerful, transformative moment for those involved.

In 2010, a group of fans held the first ever Wiscon Vid Party. 

At Wiscon in 2010, we held the first ever vid party in one of these hospitality suites on the Saturday night, from 9pm to 3am. That's six hours of vid programming! It was mostly unthemed, other than "here are some amazing vids!"[...] The general vibe of the party was loud, a little bit raucous, and pretty informal. We had a mixture of sofas and armchairs, stackable seating, and standing room. People came and went at will. We put a sign on the door asking people to keep conversations to a minimum, and it worked pretty well to keep chatter down while still allowing people to relax and have a good time. It was pretty much like a really big living room.

I missed that con due to the whole move to Canada and get married thing I did, but I remember my first Vid Party in 2012, looking around the party room and having this amazing feeling of being surrounded by my people.

I loved Wiscon, but it was always a fraught experience. There was always this worry that I'd say the wrong thing in the wrong place and suddenly get that disappointed, "oh, you're one of those fans," response. The vid party was the one place at the con that you could just walk in and that worry went away.

And then there started being more of those places. We started suggesting more and more fic and vid related panels.

In 2012, @oliviacirce and I were both on two transformative works panels. "What makes a great transformative work?" and "Fans Fix SF." In a step up from previous fanworks panels at Wiscon they were both during the day. But they were also both in the smallest panel rooms at the con, and both panels fit comfortably into those rooms. Conference 5, where "Fans Fix SF" was held, is still the only room Wiscon uses for programming that's so small it isn't wired for microphones.

And then in 2013 I suggested ten panels for Wiscon and nine of them ended up on the schedule. They weren't all explicitly transformative fandom panels, but a lot of them were, and most of the panel descriptions were informed by my experience in transformative works fandom. Looking back, that was a sea-change moment, because an interesting thing happened. There mostly stopped being transformative fandom-specific panels at Wiscon, because it started being okay, even expected, that fanfic and other transformative works might come up on any panel, from the audience or the panelists.

At Wiscon 2018, I went to a panel on #OwnVoices fiction. Every panelist was a published author and/or professional editor. In the course of the panel, every panelist mentioned fanfic in general or the AO3 in specific in an explicitly complementary fashion. I nearly burst into tears in the back of the panel room.

Afterwards, I met up with @oliviacirce and ellen_fremedon to flail about it, at which point we realized that it had been ten years since that first fateful OTW panel where we all met. And that ten years both felt like so long ago, and also so recent for everything to have changed so completely.

At Wiscon 2019, the three of us were on another panel together. We called it "Fanfic: Threat or Menace - Ten Years Later," and this time I wrote the description:

Do you remember a time before the AO3? Do you remember a time when mentioning fanfic at Wiscon risked a lecture on its illegality and/or immorality? We sure do! In 2008 we met on the panel “Fanfic Rising: The Organization for Transformative Works,” & spent most of our time defending the right of fanworks to exist. In 2018 we were amazed to realize just how much had changed. Let’s talk about how the perception & reception of fanworks have changed, both in fandom at large and right here at Wiscon.

We made it onto the schedule. They once again put us in the smallest panel room. We looked around the lobby on Thursday night and said, "yeah, that ain't happening." We eventually moved to one of the largest panel rooms.

It was almost completely full.

I started the panel by reading out the original panel description from 2008. There was laughter! revolutionaryjo came up afterwards and asked to take a picture of the description on my phone. There were so many people in that room who had no idea what the Wiscon of a decade previous had been like. It was amazing.

Best Related Work? The OTW and AO3 changed the nature of the relationship between fic readers and writers and the entirety of mainstream organized SFF fandom.

The Wiscon Vid Party is still happening, and it's still a marathon of amazing vids, but it's not a really big living room anymore. The Vid Party is the Friday night feature in the biggest panel room. There are Premieres. There’s a sing-a-long. People come who have never watched a vid outside of Wiscon. People come who've never even heard of vids outside of Wiscon. The first year the Vid Party was in the big room, I walked into the room just before the show started, looked around, and realized I didn't recognize ⅔ of the people in the room. And I was so happy. Because I no longer need the Vid Party as a safe space to let down my guard, the entire con is now that place.

We did that. We made that happen.

The OTW made that happen. The AO3 made that happen. But also, a whole lot of individual fans made that happen. We stepped out of our corner, we stepped out of our closet. We demanded a seat at the table. And now we have a motherfucking HUGO AWARD, and when Naomi Novik got on stage at the Hugos and asked everyone who felt that they were part of the AO3 to stand up to be acknowledged, a notable number of this year's other Hugo nominees were among the attendees who got to their feet.

[kny111]

I’m Living Under Government Watchlist for doing ProBlack + BLM work

I’m not sure many of you know this and with what I’ve seen I doubt this will get attention considering how deeply sabotaged tumblr has become. But I’ve been doing activism for about as long as we’ve been yelling things like “HandsOffAssattaShakur“ to protesting what I thought was religious corruption when we did so against scientology to #OccupyWallstreet. I’ve been protesting and doing activism online and offline depending on my mental and physical health which has limited me as time goes by. It’s finally got me burnt out, not from the protesting and activism, but from those whose job in the past and present been to sabotage and destabilize Black lead/ Poc led movements. I’m in a continuation of this. Don’t let my lack of energy in speaking out fool you into thinking I gave up. I have just gotten worn out by them.

The things they’ve done to my mind and body while in this area since moving. They’ve been surveilling me since before I could even remember. Every single day that goes by they’ll have some way of making their presence on my health in a debilitating way. They’ll mess with the internet, phone, my contacts, infiltrate them, infiltrate my family, they’ve messed with the job search process and made difficult for me to enter any job without said job making some offhanded comments showing their solidarity to the corrupted country I protest. They’ve had people I trusted right here on tumblr infiltrated my circles of friends and myself and make it very well known that they feel beyond reproach.

This has all been in coordination with the NYPD and other government agents of defense. They’ll make themselves present in just about any space I try to go. From the forest, parks, to just a simple walks outside. I basically was lead into an area of Manhattan that is mad pro-cop, pro-surveillence capitalism, pro-militarized. Any time I make blog posts or whatever that don’t put em in a good light I get some kind of mental or physical health debilitating action against me like they’ll have mad loud noises at timed intervals like what the agent upstairs does all the time which messes with my breathing due to social anxiety and depression. They’ve had cars roll dangerously close to me, whether im biking or not. They’ll have people walk mad close to me during social distancing measures. I know it be them because they tend to use sensitive information they got through surveillancing me all day and night. Like fam I could be trying to take a piss in peace at like 3am and they’ll still be bumping away and making all types of sound to give the impression that they’re always watching. And they are. And I think the fact that those UFO/UAP objects appeared on my 17th  (11/10/2004) birthday added to their obsession with me. The other fact that I ended painting a similar craft under the context of destroying colonialism I believe gave the government more understanding on what they’re really here about. I think that being the end of these oppressive regimes that have made so much out of us. I don’t want to sound superstitious but since then I’ve felt a connection with those UAPs that I only learned to name recently. I no longer think it’s coincidental that about a month or so AFTER I painted those native, queer sisters dancing to bring forth help from their future descendants, the navy posts those videos of the UAP that become well known. They’ve never done that, and yet just a few weeks after I painted this, not only does the gallery I exhibited this in Harlem catches fire unexpectedly, but these things become a topic of discussion in ways we’ve never seen before. I think them UAPs are here for our freedom. But that’s for another post. Too much to unpack into this. I’m just letting yall know what they know of me. So now imagine. This nigga aka me, tied to UFO, fortelling the future (I know what I sound like, but believe me, I can definitely tell the future) AAAND fighting for black lives? Of course they gone be on my ass like a probe. In fact, I think one night they even broke into our apartment (not the first time they do so) and did things against my will as I slept since I woke up feeling violated. Waking up with strange markings and having objects in the crib go missing. But I’ll leave that there. There’s so little ya’ll know about what they’re doing to BLM activists. So much I’ve omitted from here for my own sanity and to process things. This has caused my body a lot of debilitating stress down to my breathing having been shortened. I’m lucky if I have the will power to eat more than 2 meals. I don’t even bike anymore. I can barely run anymore. I can barely speak like I used to anymore. They stole so much more from me than they’ll ever imagine. Even saying all this to yall, whomever listening, feels pointless. Why? because they’re very good at making it seem, even if and when it aint true, that your people don’t fuck with you no more except for those they deem acceptable. As you figured, this would have anyone under 24/7 watch. The government be lookin at me and them UAP and the lands and non government natives as a force they don’t wanna reckon with, so they’ve put a lot out to shrink me as they do to so many of us who choose to fight for the rest who can’t. And this has all been while trying to raises my baby Quinn with my partner. So we’re all dealing with the state and federal terrorists in one way or another. If they not trying physically fuck with me, they’ll be running psych warfare on me, shit thatll have me doubting myself despite the facts. Luckily a nigga still bout that scientific literacy so it’s helped me a lot in spotting them and trying to keep some semblance of a distance. But again because of what I’m tied to: bday 111, UAP/UFO, native resistance and the spirits of the land and those this country murdered for white supremacist ventures, predicting/ESP type of abilities on the daily while telling them how useless their surveillence capitalist tools are knowing we can do this has likely mad them other me, dehumanize me and made me feel less human. Since then I’ve noticed they’ve been limiting my posts and activities on just about any site that has favored white supremacy, neocolonialism and capitalism in some way or another. They’ll mess with my facebook feed, who my posts get seen by, they’ll mess with my IG, they’ll mess with my tumblr especially. Basically any way they can limit who I may say this to and wear me out from even speaking about this and bringing yall hope like that. And remember, the information that they share amongst themselves as surveillance capitalist is the same information hub/database that infiltrated white supremacists and antiblack/antibrown folks in governments tend to us and share with their own hateful ass people. With this in mind, I really think they look at me as some would be leader to those movements since I’m queer and nonbinary so not as easy to trick into the outdated oppresive politics they try to have me on. Since I haven’t shown interest in being with them in any real way and have stuck to my activism and abolishing these systems they’ve continue to in a way torture me. Through sounds, denial of physical services, or when I go out to eat in places that have ties to law enforcement or government agencies, they’ll mess with my food, just about anything you need they’ll fuck with. What would that do to you if you experienced that? Hence why my bloggin changed a bit, not as attached due to energy fatigue and their constant harrassment and obsession with me. Many times, even with the fact that I may be linked to those UAP in some special way I still be feelin like dyin to not be around em anymore.

To add to what I said on how corporate own websites like tumblr have joined them; After having spent a good amount of time blocking my posts and blaming their algorithm. From blocking drawings of normalizing fatness to pro LGBTQ and Black Lives Matter posts like the Eric Garner videos I uploaded. For a few months now I’ve noticed my scinerds blog has been inaccessible, in a way sabotaging my communication with yall. And they would fix my blog posts by limiting who sees my posts, so now most if not all of my posts on this website and few others have been. When I try to use it I’m not allowed, but I’m still able to reblog, so I’ve been reblogging there less science and more activism as a way to protest the racist, white supremacist of tumblr. Be they black or not, they still acting the same. I’m mostly posting this for a future people who understand me and believe me. I get the sense that this post will also be sabotaged or muted in some way. Thanks for reading, in case we don’t link.

[atrixfromice]

I drew this cos, you'll not believe it! But it's because I spent most of my afternoon today from translator to translator and also aksing random people on the internet if "Gaia", "Gaiah", "Gaya" and "Gea" sounded the same or different phonetically! LOL

No kidding, it was something I needed to be sure about, since I'm going to use one of these words on my comics, and I was planning to use it on my animation as well. At first I was going to go with "Gaya" because I love this word a lot, but there's a Gaya already in an existing film's universe. So with all the pain of my heart I had to discard it cos, if my animation becomes well know I don't want to have trouble with copyrights sues from people who made that film later. It's not sure they will do that, they might not because the word will be used in other context in my case, but I don't know, film studios people are weird. I prefer not to take the risk.

So I was hesitant to decide between "Gea", "Gaia" and "Gaiah", but I put the words on various translators, even in one who is called "translate and speak" that it's recommended cos it tries to talk like real people, and I didn't liked the sound of "Gea" for this particular use of the word, as an exclamation expression. And I confirmed that the other two sounded cool, but in "Gaiah" the "h" doesn't have any sound, so is not necessary, is just there to make the word sound fancier when writting it XD So I finally decided to phonetically write it as "Gaia".

And I was so happy to finally (after 15 years! LOL ) having this decided and settled, and specially and mostly because I’m so happy to have the official voice of Faikel saying "Oh my Gaia!" and "by Gaia!" on a pilot test (voice demo), so yeah make fun of me if you want and say I'm overreacting....but I can't help saying it's freakin' awesome how he say these expression his their (her home planet's one) Goddess Gaia in different contexts! It’s all what I ever wanted for him...is even more than what I ever wanted or dreamed for his voice!

So, yeah thanks to all this I felt inspired to draw this little thingie hehe ^^ I so much wish you could hear it....And I wish I could hear him saying "Good Gaia", (that one phrase missed!) on a voice demo, but I'll have to wait until the animation is done, sadly. And mostly, I don’t share this first test precisely because that one was a test; it was recorded with an smartphone and not with a professional mic. Cos if you remember my oddysey with the microphones, I wasn’t able to find any good qualty mic nor send any mics to the peeps who were working with me at that time.

So I fear if I share it the way it is, you’ll not be able to totally enjoy the voice, since the voice is a bit distorted due the background noises. OR WORSE! You will think it’s awful, because is is distorted. I would really like that the first time you can hear Faikel’s voice can be on the best quality possible and with animation, so the experience can be cool!

Faikel was a character who challenged all the stereotypes and preset roles Western society have and they are used to see, all of them. How an alien should be, how a fictional character should be...and most important, how a man should be!  It invited to reflection and would have made people to think about how they expect someone act of some way because of their gender, color of skin, origin.

I created him to transcend the fiction. I created more than what I imagined at first. I created a character with fears and dreams, flaws, kinks and quirks, one that real people can love and be reflected in, and get relate to! So that’s why I would do anything so he can be introduced properly!

And I will...I hope...

By the way, if you ask what happened with my internet, well, my smartphone still doesn't recognize the wifi, but I bought some gigas for my smartphone to at least be able to post some art from time to time. And I made this on artflow for android. Oh and yeah I know faikel's eyes and head are a bit off...But Indulge me at least just this time and say it's a nice! Remember it's almost 3am in the morning and I spent my night ( because my afternoon I spent it solving that Gaia thing XD ) and part of next day morning drawing this, and I just got an emotional breakdown a couple of hours ago.

Oh and if you were offline or for some other reason you lost the anecdote about when Faikel got his voice, and why all this "Gaia" thing, feel free to go HERE and HERE respectively to read more.