#i put on some radio to play songs ive not heard before and its doing a real good job =w=bb yay good algorithm!!

[junk-culture]

nothing better to do right now so i went to youtube and subjected myself to a few chappell roan songs and oh ok . before even hearing anything the thumbnail of this lyric video pissed me off right away to be honest like can we just retire the ironic comic sans smiley face quirky girl "whimsical" aesthetic it's so irritating. its the kind of graphic design that all the vaguely "quirky" women's clothing brands are using right now. like im getting koi footwear vibes. do you know what i mean.

anyway. ill be honest i went into this with a closed mind fully prepared to hate but like yeah it's just mid isn't it. like she's a step up from taylor swift obviously but it's still so boring.

at the clothes store i work at they have this presumably company specific playlist that's like, the usual bad pop songs. but kind of curated in a way that's old people friendly because it's that kind of store? and without any of the actual famous artists like t swift or ed sheeran like it's all just bland pop songs ive never heard in my life but sound like exactly as you expect them to and seem to have been created in a music-for-clothes-stores-factory? it's all really bad anyway. and they literally never change this playlist btw. it's been the same thing for the 2+ months ive been here so there are many songs on it which are beginning to piss me off so bad.

and i literally have no idea who any of the artists are so i literally just know them as like "that one with the intro which genuinely sounds like it could be from an insurance advert" ; "that cheesy "rock" one which sounds like charity shop music" ; "the one with lyrics so bad they make me actively loose braincells" etc. and i have to say that ms roan's music really would not sound out of place on this playlist. fractionally so maybe but only fractionally. and she would still piss me the fuck off after hearing her every single shift. sorry im not even ranting about chappell roan anymore this is now just a vent post about the shite music they play at my job. it's making me insane. like id almost prefer if they played the actual charts or the actual radio because then id actually know some of the artists. and i could put a name and a face to my hatred. anyway. love and light

[feartheoldblog]

ok here goes i guess. full disclaimer ghost is the only band i have a shirt of so uh yeah i think their music is ok. also your post reminded me they have a new ep i havent listened to yet so ive been playing that all day.

the chronology is kind of split up by album so ill go by that

Opus Eponymous (good fucking metal album):

So ghost started out as a concept band of over-the-top tongue-in-cheek anonymous satan worshippers. That has since changed for a couple reasons I'll get into. Anonymity was a big thing for the first few albums, every song was credited as written by a "nameless ghoul" and they all wore masks and the frontman wore corpse paint and i think some facial prosthetics so you couldnt tell who anyone was. Of course some people had guesses (and they turned out to be right lmao). The frontman was called Papa Emeritus and he wore like evil satan antipope clothes and shit. There's also this whole "Clergy" thing which is like the satanic church ghost represents - they're also a band in lore, and their goal is to gain converts by getting fans through the music.

Infestissumam (my favorite album):

Papa Emeritus 1 was an old man and one day he died. I think. Or he retired or something. So to release the new album, we got Papa Emeritus 2, who was Papa 1's younger brother (still like in his 40s or 50s or so). It was still obviously the same guy behind the makeup but who cares its lore baby. I think they actually summoned satan? There's a reading of the first two albums as concepts of a group doing evil magic devil summoning and then a world where the antichrist is actually walking around doing stuff. Anyway I don't remember Papa 2 doing much.

Meliora (their best album but not my favorite. ):

Papa 2 got taken out behind the shed or something i wasnt really into the lore at this point. Being into Ghost and being into the lore is two very different things, you really gotta be paying attention to be in on the lore. Papa Emeritus 3 debuts with this album, which also marks the band's beginning of their shift towards a more poppy sound (the is Ghost metal? debate has been waged for years by the worst metal fans in the world [on both sides] and all i have to say is if you need music to fall into a definition of your preferred genre in order to like it you don't like music, you like putting things in boxes and sounding smart). Papa 3 was the youngest brother, and he was big into the limelight and rockstar image in a way his more serious older brothers were not. This was also a height of their popularity anecdotally (i swear i heard square hammer on the radio once). Papa 3 was a slut, he was absolutely the one to fuck with socks on. Which is funny, cause I had never heard that bit about him fucking with socks on but I do know a guy in real life who fucked with socks on. Crazy.

Prequelle (came out right before covid lmao their weakest album though imo):

Papa 3 was abducted by goons right at the end of their big tour. oh no what happened? They started putting out "Message from the Clergy" videos on their youtube (might still be there) which introduced our boy Cardinal Copia (not a member of the family) who was a mousy little clergyman, and Papa 0 who was like the head of the church (and a few nuns i forget their names). Also in one of those videos all 3 former Papas were killed (they were alive? huh). Prequelle is also where the lawsuit happened which, uh, was a big fucking mess to put it lightly. Band members of the previous three albums were arguing with the frontman about pay (which was an issue cause like i said before, all the songs were credited to an anonymous ghoul), and like limb bizkit says its all about the he said she said bullshit. anyway they had to break the anonymity to go to court, so people learned that the frontman was actually Tobias Forge (formerly of Subvision). This was the prevailing theory by the way not the hugest surprise. I'm not going to get into details of the trial (cause i forget really) but im sure you can find it on the fuckin sweden legal database or whatever. Anyway, the band did kind of break up over this - some of the original longtime members left and Forge continued with the name Ghost and a rotating group of musicians.

Impera (impera is good but when i listened to it i was also having kind of a major depressive episode so that may have affected my opinion):

This is where I largely fell out of the Ghost lore loop. I hear Copia got promoted to Papa 4 which is good for him, nice kid. He's in like his 40s too i think.

They're kinda like the Four Kings cause a new one comes in when the old one dies and if you don't do enough damage there's actually 5 of them. and their music sucks

THE FOUR KINGS REF 😭😭😭

ghost WISH they could have a cultural impact as profound as dark souls 1’s four kings battle and boss theme

thank you for the proper run down i was fighting for my life trying to piece everything together from the shreds i could find (i refuse to watch a 40 minute youtube video sorry i’m stubborn). it literally reminded me of when i first played bb and was like ‘what the fuck happened’, went researching and ended up even more confused.

also you’re so real for your comment on forcing music into really specific categories. why can’t people just enjoy something without arguing over stupid shit like that………… rock? metal? nah, they’re just cringe. embrace it and be free.

question to leave bc i’m a souls bro

who would win in a fight: copia or patches dark soul?????

discuss

[djtrase]

2022 CLOSE OUT SPEECH ! I’ve been wanting to get this off my chest for a very long time, but I waited cause I had to think before I posted this, I use my page to promote what I do as DJ, but let me start off like this…. If you ever supported me, worked with me, gave me an opportunity, put me in a position to earn some money, bought me a bottle or a drink, supported events I was part of, spoke positive of me whether it was in front of me or when I wasn’t present, gave me advice, kept it 1000 with me, posted or reposted me, etc I THANK YOU TRULY 🙏🏽🫡. ITS ALL APPRECIATED. Now on to it !!! Through out the years until now I’ve heard a lot of criticism about me as a Dj. Good & bad I’ve accepted it all. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions especially if you in the public’s eye & in the music business. I understand that some people might hate my style of djing because that specific night or day they heard me Dj, I didn’t play the newest trap, drill or twerk song. I understand that people may think that I play too much older music & don’t cater to the young folks. I understand people may love my live blends or my 🎤 mic skills ( some people may hate my mic skills for whatever reason or hate that I do blends ) I understand there will be a night or day where half the crowd likes me & the other half dont. I understand there will be nights or days where I had a great event & everyone loved my set. I understand Im no turntablist ( Shout to all those that are 🫡 ) BUT I WILL SAY THIS WITH EXTREME CONFIDENCE Whether it’s a party, private event, showcase, tour, concert, virtual situation, radio, WHATEVER !!! BEST BELIEVE I DO MY JOB ACCORDINGLY, I GIVE IT MY ALL EACH & EVERY TIME ! IM NO LAZY DJ. I WORK !!! AND EVERY OPPORTUNITY, EVERY CHECK I EVER GOT I EARNED IT ! IM NOT THE BEST DJ BUT IM THE BEST AT WHAT I DO ! YOU COME ON MY PAGE & YOU SEE THE WORK…I DO WHAT I DO HOW I DO IT. YOU CAN HATE ME OR LOVE ME BUT REGARDLESS RESPECT ME CAUSE IVE GIVEN MY ENTIRE LIFE TO THIS DJ CULTURE !! I EARNED THE RIGHT TO CALL MYSELF A DJ, AND IM NOT STOPING NO TIME SOON. POINT BLANK!!! I AM #DJTRASE 🎧🎤 ( AS I PROCEED ) (at Karma Lounge - LES - NYC) https://www.instagram.com/p/CmRmNKLLDKH/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[bluebeetle]

annoying guy at work keeps targetting me and bothering me about my music when i play it while we are working in the same room. he doesnt do this with anyone else and will even be like “but x will play the radio!!” 

e once again asked me to put the radio on instead of my music, even tho i even made a new playlist that was a mix of CURRENT RADIO HITS that i dont hate--like stuff literally on the top 40 AS WE SPEAK!!!!--oldies hits from the 20th century, and some older pop hits like lady gaga and britney spears. 

literally like limited rock (and again only stuff that actually did well) and like one or two indie stuff (which id purposely queue up for when it was just me and harshal in the room lol) and i even told him like ok one.

 the radio im using is fuzzy on most FM stations anyways and the stations i do know are either gonna be playing the EXACT SAME MUSIC or be all alt. stuff that he didnt like before (Since before he asked me to change it to pop hits)

. and he tried to spin it as oh he doesnt really care he likes all music (But also doesnt listen to music, apparently) and its all about the people in packaging..... the people in packaging who. where literally. singing along. to a lot of the songs!!!! and were clearly really enjoying it!! hell one of the Quality Assurance guys came in to do paperwork when Helena by MCR was on and he started singing that!!

Like. this dude is CONSTANTLY lying to my face but hes SO bad at it and its annoying. its clear he is the one with the issue but he doesnt want to be confrontational but also he NEEDS me to change it so badly.

 I told him that if he wants something--even a goddamn genre or a specific radio station--he can tell me, but just "change it to the radio" is really rude bc it reads as "i would rather listen to anything but this" (even tho again. most of it was. stuff. currently. on. the fucking. radio.) and i was using my spotify bc i dont like listening to ads lol  but whenever i ask him “okay what radio station do you want?” he never has an answer bc again its not about actually listening to something he likes its about making me feel bad and causing me issues over goddamn petty shit.

 AND THEN he was also like, as further justification for why the packaging people clearly did not like my music, was that they were talking about classical music at one point.

which ok 1) what fucking radio station is playing mozart?

2) i can tell you exactly WHY they were talking about mozart. it was bc 99 luftballoons and rock me amadeus came on in my playlist (They were both hits in canada/the us and ive heard BOTH on the radio in german here btw). yknow. as in. amadeus mozart? and the connection was mostly bc one of the packaging guys knew a lil german bc he had wanted to learn to play mozarts music. but yknow i actually listen to people when they talk unlike this dude 

and its just *grabs him by the neck* shut the fuck up and listen to my music, boy

[tomdiddlyumptious]

T.H| the cliché coffee shop

Summary: tom owns a coffee shop, and then you walk in?

Warnings: love and first sight?

Im actually just emptying my drafts

Tom smiled, holding the news paper in his hands as he sat at the small black table, the radio playing and he connected his foot with the ground a few times with the beat, a coffee mug with the avengers on it, hes such a big fan.

Tom had always been a cheerful person, a calm and collective person, all he really wants in his life is a kid honestly, a little boys hair to ruffle and a little girl’s armpits to tickle. But he was waiting for the right one, for the right one to notice him and ask him how his day is going, no he isnt a virgin, he just wants the actual wake up feel, this is the one feel.

So when he heard the bell ring for the front door, an immediate smile came on his face, looking at the woman who was clutching her purse, her hair flat ironed at its own length and a yellow and white poke-a-dot dress, a white sharp collar and white pumps, a nice smile on her red colored lips from her matte lipstick.

“Hello” he said, setting down the newspaper, his eyes meeting the females as she gently waved “hi! I just wanted a cup of coffee”

“Well come on!” He chuckled, standing up and walking behind his stance, putting on a pink apron making you smile.

“Pink?” “Ehh my daughter chose it for me” he smiled, “thats cute!” You both laughed, usually any other woman or man would ask how old he is and hes pretty young to have a child, so a gentle smile stayed on his face when he noticed you know how to keep boundaries.

“How do you like your coffee?” You shrugged at his words “ive never drank coffee before” his mouth dropped at your words “never?” “Never” you giggled. “Im gonna make you the best coffee youve ever had, just sit over there” he smiled, pointing at the table he was at and you nodded your head, walking over and sittting down.

You bobbed your head a bit to the tunes, humming with a smile on your face, tom turned back to you while he was running the espresso machine “your a nice singer” and you jumped with that, looking over at him while your eyebrows furrowed.”i hummed?” “you know what i meant!” he groaned making you both laugh. he continued to make it and decided to make you some fancy bread with some chocolate dip on a small white glass before sitting across from you, “carefull, its hot” he chuckled, placing it infront of you with a wide smile on his face. “thank youuu” you smiled, before a small human came in through the door, the bell ringing “princesss!” tom said, holding out his arms “Daddyyy!” a small high pitched voice yelled, jumping in toms lap and hugging him tightly, you smiled watching as you waited for the coffee to cool down. 

“hiii darling? how are you?” he said, looking down at the girl. “im good! hazzy took me shopping!” she cheered, lifting the small bag. “shes cute” you smiled, the little girl looked at you before waving with her eyes closed and her mouth open with a wide smile, her two front teeth missing making you coo “aww”

she has long hair, just below her small shoulders, hair golden brown, her nose like her fathers, just if it wasnt broken, she didnt have the same eye color though, its blue, her bottom lip bigger then the top one. “i know, shes such a sweetheart” tom said, watching as his daughter took the bread and chocolate “hey! thats our guests bread!” tom said, she let out a small sorry as her bottom lip quivered. “its okay, you can have it” you smiled at her, before lifting the coffee to sip, but instead you accidently spit it out, his daughter laughed while toms eyebrows furrowed in panic, you looked up at him with a crooked smile “its hot”

tom let out a sigh of relief, holding his heart with his empty hand “thank god, i thought you were thinking it tasted bad” “never!” you smiled, the small princess grabbed hopped out of toms lap to grab the brown napkins as you made conversation with tom. “shes a sweetheart” “ehh i do my best” he shrugged, looking at you with a side smile. “my names tom by the way” he offered a hand over the table “my names y/n” you placed your hand in his with a smile. 

“my names Cameron!” she picked in, handing you the napkins “nice to meet you cameron!” you smiled, taking the napkins trying to clean up the mess before tom grabbed your wrist “oh-” “sorry, you know you dont have to do that” he smiled at you, unconsciously hanving his hand ontop of yours. “i-its fine! i want to” you smiled at him, “you sure?” “yeah” you nodded, cameron turning on the radio. Smiling when her favorite song came on, no it wasnt the song now-a-days it was the song in cinderella.

So this is love?

Cameron danced around the shop while tom watched you finish, you felt his eyes burning into your soul so you looked up at him, a smile on your face as you shyed away, he grabbed the napkin away from you to throw it away. “You and y/n should dance to this song!” Cameron said, smiling at her dad while his face turned a shade red.

“I dont think y/n would like that” he chuckled, looking at you while you shrugged “it doesn’t matter to me” a light chuckle left your lips. And with that Cameron raced to grab your hand, tugging you to her father and pushing you into him “oh!-“ you fell in his chest and he held you, you looked up at him and he had a faded smile on his face.

“You know how to dance, right?” She asked you, and you nodded “i think we both know daddy cant dance” she said making you and tom laugh, Cameron took his dads hands, placing them on her hips “hold on them tight!” She ordered.

So this is what makes life, divine?

Your hands came onto his shoulders, smiling at him. “Alright! Sway sway!” She ordered, you and tom started to do the classical dance, just slower. Making eye contact and searching in them for any kind of answer, Cameron smiled and ate the bread while she watched.

And then he got a cold chill. Are you the one?

No, that wasn’t possible. You only met today and your both dancing to a childish disney song, his hands are on your hips....your noses basically touching...is this love?

You on the other hand werent really worried about it, you already knew you had a small thing for him after he put on his pink apron with a smile on his face, such a charming one.

Tom dipped you making you panic a little, before coming back up a little to fast making your lips touch, tom didnt know if it was on purpose but he took the chance, he kissed you, his hand on the back of your head while your eyes widened before you closed them, kissing him back and holding onto the back of his neck. His lips soft, feeling like clouds.

Soooo this issss loveeeee~

Loud claps were heard in the background, some childish laughs leaving the girls lips as tom slowly pulled back, opening his eyes and looking at you. “I-uh sorry-“ “nono...I enjoyed it” you patted his chest, dusting off the apron he still had on, “more then the coffee?” Laughs left both of your lips. “Wanna-wanna go on a date sometime?” “Heyyy! Im still here!” Cameron waved. “With Cameron of course” he smiled, and you nodded. “Yeah- why not?”

[whats-rambled-rambled]

stuck in stories - a hostage situation

Neil x Reader

summary: the intel you’d received was shit lacking, and as the mission got awry, you had to improvise.

+ song: Nothing But Thieves - Particles

warnings: language, some violence, blood mention, hand content

author’s note: thank you so much for inspiring me to write this little piece, my dear friend. And for that fantastic song.

This one is more action-packed than the previous works, I hope you’re going to like it!

This is a one-shot, but as usual - hits differently in you’re familiar with Neil and Reader from Stuck in Reverse series.

Enjoy and let me know what you think! 

___

You ducked between the crates. The dim light of the warehouse was working to your advantage. 

But you could already hear the ruckus at the corridor, the doors you’d barricaded were not going to hold for much longer. 

You checked the ammo - two bullets left. 

“I’m almost out, you?” you whispered as you stopped in the darkest spot you could find.

Neil crouched right next to you and shot you a quick, panicked look. 

Shit. 

You gritted your teeth, your mind racing to find a solution for the unfortunate situation you’d found yourselves in. Aborting the mission was one option, but both of you knew that an opportunity like this is not going to happen anytime soon. What else? 

“We could wait for them here, let them spread out, and take them one by one.”

Neil raised a brow, quite amused at the idea. “And rely on your sneaking skills?” he snorted and shook his head. “Just shoot me now.”

“Fuck you, darling,” you huffed, punching him in the arm. He got a point though. You sighed. “Fair enough, we need a distraction, then. Any ideas?”

He chewed on his bottom lip as he glanced over his shoulder at the other side of the hall. His face was tense, but the corner of his mouth curled into a smile. “You’re not going to like it.”  

You were sure of it. But the time was running out, and so were your options. 

“Hit me.”

Neil took a deep breath. “Remember Munich?” he said and his eyes lit up. “I believe it’s my turn now.”

Of course you remembered. You’d had to improvise to buy some time for the rest of the team to get on the site, so you’d acted as a decoy. What you also remembered was spending the next two weeks in the hospital. 

And that agonizing pain.

You winced at the memory. You were not willing to see anyone in that state ever again. Especially not him. 

“Forget it, I’m not leaving you--”

Neil turned your way and placed both hands on your arms. “Those guys are pawns. I’ll be fine.” His voice was calm, but it sent a cold shiver down your spine anyway. You knew he’d made up his mind already.

A loud bang on the other side of the hall. 

They were getting closer. 

A spike of panic was trying to force its way through your mind, but you were so deep in your mission mode, you barely felt it. The only indication of its presence was the pulse pounding in your ears. 

“But-”

Neil’s gloved hand covered your mouth as he peeked from your cover. He clenched his jaw and looked back at you with determination. “Don’t argue with me. Get the pass-codes and radio-in the cavalry,” he said, searching your eyes for any sign of compliance. You stared back at him in a silent protest. “Please.” His dark gaze got softer, finally breaking your will. 

You nodded. 

Neil exhaled slowly and lowered his hand. You grabbed it and squeezed his fingers reassuringly.

“I’ll find you.”

He quickly pulled you closer into a kiss. “I know. Run.”

And so you did. 

You reached the first door and managed to force a lock when you heard the sound of the barricade being breached. You rushed into a corridor and cocked your pistol, just in case there was any leftover security personnel at this side of the compound. There shouldn’t be any, but the intel you’d received at your briefing had already turned out to be lacking. 

Finding the right room wasn’t a problem. Neither was overriding another, more advanced lock. Late-night lessons with Neil turned out to be invaluable. You could almost hear his clear instructions in your mind, walking you through the whole process. 

The memory of one of your first lockpicking lessons flashed before your eyes. Losing your patience and groaning in frustration after breaking yet another tool. Neil’s arms wrapped around you, his hands on yours, slowly but steadily guiding your movements.

You smiled to yourself as the door gave in with a quiet click. You slipped into the room and looked around. Someone definitely tried to make it look like an elevated boss office, but you didn’t have time to muse over the poor choices in interior design. You jumped to the desk, reaching for a pendrive hidden in your vest. As you plugged it into the computer and ran a script to help you sneak into the system, you could finally signal the team. 

“Ives, do you copy? We need a backup over here,” you barked into a walkie and tossed it on the desk. 

“Copy. ETA to secondary breach location - thirteen minutes. Hang in there.”

No questions asked? Must have been something in your tone. 

A minute later, you gained access to all files and after a quick search, you found what you’d been looking for. You copied the files and hesitated. Biting your lip, you typed in a few commands and pulled out feeds from the security cameras on the screen. You browsed through the images from different locations, trying to find any clue about Neil’s whereabouts. 

You inhaled sharply. There he was, sitting on the chair in the middle of a room, with his hands tied behind his back. A woman in a black security uniform was standing in front of him, her back facing the camera. She punched Neil in the face, the force of that blow almost sending him to the ground. You spurted out a litany of cuss words as you unmuted the feed.

“I’ve asked you a question, pretty boy.”

You clenched your hands on the edge of the desk, watching as Neil spat out blood on the ground. 

“So that was the annoying ringing in my ear,” he scoffed, his lips curled in a sly smile. “Blimey.”

The next punch landed on his stomach, making him bend in half breathless.

“Where is your partner?” the woman snarled, grabbing Neil by the hair and making him look at her.

“Got out and left me here,” he said, coughing out. 

“If you’re lying-”

Even with the questionable quality of the feed, you could see his eyes lighting up. “What, you’re gonna beat me?” he mocked with a shit-eating grin.

“Oh honey, I’ve barely touched you,” the woman chuckled, taking his chin in her palm and squeezing it. She glanced over her shoulder and you realized there must have been someone else in the room with them. “Check it.”

“Take your time!” Neil called after the person leaving the room. For a brief moment, his gaze focused on the camera, as if he knew you were watching him. He shifted slightly, wincing. You noticed a trickle of blood coming down his face from the cut on his cheekbone. The way he wanted to look relaxed, leaning back on the chair with his legs spread wide, made you grit your teeth. The corner of his lips twitched as he raised a brow. “So... you come here often?” 

A hysterical giggle escaped your mouth. Oh god, he was going to get himself killed.

You reached for the walkie. “Got the codes, on my way to the rendezvous point.” 

“Copy. Meet you there in five.”

Packing your things and erasing every sign of your presence from the room, you took one more look at the screen, just in the right moment to see a precise kick landing on Neil’s ribs. You closed your eyes, but you could still hear his muffled groan.

“Ives,” - you said, turning off the computer and making your way out - “hurry up, please.”

With the help of the squad, you secured the area in no time. As you burst into the room where Neil was being held captive, you didn’t hesitate. It took you a second to lock on the woman you’d seen on the screen just minutes before, another second to put a bullet into her head. Few more shots echoed through the room. Only when Wheeler called all clear, you allowed yourself to look at Neil, sitting still on the chair in the middle of the room. 

The vacant stare he gave you made your heart clench in your chest.

Before you could run to him, Ives grabbed your elbow. 

“Child’s play, eh? What happened here?”

You glared at him, flashing your teeth in frustration. 

Couldn’t it wait?

“We’ve run out of luck. Or your intel was shit. You pick.”

“Fucking hell,” Ives let go of you, his face tense as he considered your words. He glanced towards Neil and rolled his eyes. “Oi, mate, stop slacking, could have gotten out of those knots like three times since we came in.”

That made Neil finally focus his gaze. 

As you walked up to him, he blinked a few times and winced, releasing his hands from the ropes. He rubbed his wrists and scoffed, “A little sympathy wouldn’t kill you, you know.”

Now that your adrenaline rush was wearing off, you were slowly getting overflown by the emotions you’d kept bottled up since the moment you split up in the warehouse. Seeing Neil’s face up close, covered in bruises, bleeding from cuts on his eyebrow and cheekbone, brought a choking lump to your throat. 

You knelt in front of him and carefully took his hands in yours, only then realizing that he no longer had his gloves on. You held your breath as your eyes ran along the wounds on his knuckles. His long fingers trembled lightly as he interlocked them with yours, making you glance up to meet his eyes.

Neil looked at you tenderly, but he clearly struggled with concentrating his gaze on a single point.

“I’m fine,” he said softly and gave you a weak smile.

You bit your lip. You desperately wanted to kiss him, but you were too afraid to hurt him to even graze your fingertips against his face. There was also the tiny part of you not willing to make a scene in front of your team, but to be honest, you were way past caring at that point. As your thumbs gently stroked his fingers, you let out a shaky breath. 

You stood up and reached out your hand to help him get up, but he waved at you dismissively. You rolled your eyes, still ready to provide a safeguard at any moment.

And you were right to do so; as soon as Neil got up and tried to take a step, he lost his balance. 

“I’ve got you,” you said, taking his arm and tossing it on your shoulders, wrapping your own arm around his back. Neil leaned on you and frowned, shooting you a thankful look. 

As you guided him towards the door, you noticed his clenched jaw and a pale shade on the uninjured parts of his face. 

He was far from fine and both of you knew it.

And to think he could have escaped his bounds way before you got to him if only he’d wanted to. You shook your head. “Why the hell did you let them do all of that to you?” you said under your breath.

His brows drew together as if you just asked about the most obvious thing in the world.

“Because as long as they were focusing on me, they wouldn’t be focusing on you.”

[1990stae]

Go Dance ~ myg

- series : opposites attract

- pairing : fboy!yoongix x carefree!reader

-genre : angst 

- word count : 1.5k (its short im sorry)

- warnings : drinking, dirty dancing ? cursing/swearing, its a pretty chill chapter. unedited

-a/n : IVE NEVER WRITTEN ON TUMBLR BEFORE SO IM LIKE LITERALLY TERRIFED SO UH, FEEDBACK IS AMAZING YES PLZ GIVE ME THAT

--

Friday Sep 28 , 4:30 PM

“ yn c’mon, we never do anything anymore, why not just, this one party..”

“Because the last time I let you boys drag me to a party, there was some guy groping me for half the night because you thought, and I quote , ‘you two would be cute.’” you looked at Jin lightly before sitting down next to Jimin at the table. 

The boys had taken you to your favorite coffee shop as a small bribe to get you to join them tonight at some frat party you were not interested in. You had already decided to go of course, but Taehyung had already gotten you snacks and makeup from Walmart and you wanted to see just how much more money you could get them to spend before they caught on.

“I’d need new clothes for the night, all of mine are old.” you mentioned, taking a small bite from your cakepop.

“I can buy you something, as long as it’s not too expensive.” Jin pipped up. 

“Are you sure Mom? I dont wanna spend your money.” 

“Yea for sure. It's just a small outfit. Isn't it?” Jimin let out a snicker as Jin finished his sentence.

-

Friday Sep 28 , 8:47 PM

“You’re not wearing the outfit I bought ?!” Jin exclaimed as you pilled into his car, sitting next to Tae in the backseat.

“ I said I was wearing jeans and a  hoodie. You thought I was joking?” you baited, seeing your friend realize what you had done.

“Hyung, how did you not see what she was doing? It was quite obvious.” Jimin told Jin as the car began moving.

Jin said nothing and turned on the radio as he drove towards the campus housing. You lived a few miles away in an apartment with Taehyung, so the drive was short and sweet. 

As you approached the house, you could feel the bass shaking lightly. Stepping out of the car made it more noticeable. The ground below you shook lightly as you walked alongside your friends up to the house. 

The lawn was littered with people dancing and smoking, all sorts of things you thought were better done where the police couldn't catch you. Once you and the boys reached the house you could feel your ear drums bursting at the noise. It wasn't a pleasant sensation nor was it a good song. You sighed and continued following Jin through the house. Stopping in the kitchen.

“Joon!” Jin yelled over the music, throwing his arms up.

“Jin! You guys made it.” He hugged Jin loosely before turning to his friends. Two of which you recognized.

“This is Hobi, Jungkook, and I'm sure you all know Yoongi.” Namjoon patted Yoongi's shoulder lightly before turning back to Jin. Yoongi took a small drink from his cup before looking around, avoiding you and your friends. 

“Right, this is Taehyung, Jimin, and Yn. Nice to meet you all.”

You heard a small scoff and looked over at Hoseok. He seemed uninterested by the situation, but to be fair, so were you.

“Joon, I'm gonna go dance. I’ll see you guys later?” He asked his friend. 

“Yea! Have fun Hyung!” Namjoon told Hobi before watching his friend disappear into the crowd of moving bodies.

You looked around before finding the solo cups and alcohol, moving over to make yourself a drink. Mixing the Coke and Rum in a cup evenly before hearing Tae speaking to Jungkook about some class they had together. 

“Coke and Rum? Seems boring.” a voice mentioned.

“Thanks, I try,” you replied sarcastically before looking up from where the voice had come from. He kept his drink close to his chin as he spoke.

“I didn’t know you and your friends knew what parties were.” he spoke, this time following it with a sip from the cup.

“ aren't you supposed to be sober? Healthy athlete or whatever.” You commented as you turned your body outwards, leaning onto the counter behind you and watching your friends converse about school and work.

“I don't drink” You looked up at him confused as he brought the cup down to your nose, “it’s Coke. I thought loners were always wasted. What's with the half assed drink?”

“I came here with three other people. What about that screams loner to you?” 

“Loner, stoner, same difference really.” he brought the drink back up to his mouth before taking a sip.

“Why are you here if you don't drink?” You knew he was popular, and that he often went to these types of parties. But you only went when forced, and your plan was always to get waisted. 

He looked upward towards the crowd of dancing bodies, “because girls do,” he said to you before sitting his drink down and moving into the room crowded by people.

Jin noticed the separation of you and Yoongi and moved over to where you were standing, taking your drink from your hand and taking a quick drink before handing it back.

“I'm guessing that didn't go too well.”

“Whatever could you mean? It went amazingly. We’re getting married this spring.” you said with a side eye, moving your attention down to your phone and swiping away the notifications.

“He’s really not that bad, yn. Give him a chance. He’s just a bit cocky ya know?” Jin tried, looking at you with small, pleading eyes.

“Why do you want me close to him? He’s pretentious and annoying.”

“Don't ask questions. Go dance,” Jin grabbed the drink from your hand before pushing you away from the counter. You sighed and moved to where you saw Taehyung and Jimin dancing. 

-

Friday Sep 28 , 11:24 PM

Once the three of you were together you felt ease rush over you, being with two of your best friends at a party was a feeling you enjoyed. A feeling you felt to cherish. Tae and Jimin were two of the most free spirited people you knew and being around them just seemed to make you feel free as well.

It wasn't long before you three were joined by Jin. Laughing at the people who seemed to lack rhythm and coordination. Jin mocking their dance moves to make you all smile. Jimin and Tae avoided the girls who came up to them. 

Out of the corner of your eye you noticed him, surrounded by girls, as he practically just stood there, enjoying it. A small scoff escaped your mouth as you watched his eyes scan them as they moved around him. 

The situation was corny and gross enough with him finding you in the crowd, your head turned toward him. This small thing boosted his ego, an ego that was already inflated. A smirk planted on his face as he began moving against the bodies surrounding him, holding eye contact with you for the entirety of the song that happened to be playing.

Jimin seemed to notice the smug expression on Yoongi's face as he pulled you closer into him and danced with you pressed to him. 

One of your favorite things about the friends you kept, was that they never seemed to ask questions or doubt each other, just simply followed along. So when Taehyung's arms snaked around you as he stood in front of you, and Jin moved closer into you, you thanked whatever demon or devil sent them to you, because as you turn your attention away from Yoongi and towards your friends who were, in all honesty, helping you do a softcore porn at this point, you heard the girls around him make sad noises. 

By the time the song had ended, Yoongi had disappeared from the living room and you didn’t particularly care. 

“So, who were we seducing?” Tae asked you, shifting away from the close position. 

“Everyone, we were fucking hot.” Jin remarked.

“Yoongi was being a bitch, didn’t think our little yn should have to put up with a bitch boy playing games.” Jimin told the boys before smiling at you.

“I believe whatever we were doing seemed to work because.. Mr. Min is missing and you’re still here. “ Jin teased before walking back to the kitchen, followed by you and the other two.

“I’m bored, can we leave?” you said, pouring yourself a new drink and facing them. They looked as tired as you did. 

“Leaving so soon? No after party?” Yoongi's voice chimed from behind the counter.

“Hmm, yea i think so. There isn't anything interesting here, besides the boys,” you paused and brought your cup up to your mouth, “and there aren't many interesting boys either.” 

You walked out of the house, followed by your friends and all settling into Jin’s car. 

It was tradition, to say the least, to spend nights at your and Taes apartment after late nights, and although it was only a little after 12, no one felt like going home alone. 

You oddly enjoyed this party more than the others you had been to, which was saying a lot seeing as you never liked attending the ‘popular kids’ parties. Not until now.

[thinkingimmensely]

Okay. IV

Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3

A/N: I have a sudden burst in inspiration and finally finished this chapter! Here’s to the hope this streak continues *crosses fingers*. I know it’s been forever and IDK if you guys still read this but I’m still trying my best to update as soon as I can, haha. I have also been reading fanfics again, thus a boost in creative juice.

Stay safe in these trying times everyone!

MATERLIST

Disclaimer: I don’t own anything from the Potterverse!

___________________

“Are you mental? What in the world were you doing back there?” You yelled as your friend laid in the sofa nonchalantly, throwing a ball up in the air and catching it as it fell back down, as if without a care in the world. You flicked your wand at the ball and it catapulted itself to the other side of the room before Sirius could even catch it again.  “Listen to me!”

“What’s the point?” He groaned and turned his back to you.  

You flicked your wand towards him and made him roll over and fall off the couch. “That was extremely rash. Careless and impatient of you.” You scolded as your friend rubbed his back in pain. “They changed the portrait,” you informed him as you ran a hand through your hair, “that annoying Sir Cadogan, still ranting on and on about knighthood I reckon.”  

“Well, you didn’t have any other brilliant idea, did you? Besides, what were you doing there in the first place?” He finally asked. When he entered the house hours ago after his failed attempt on getting inside the Gryffindor common room, he was welcomed by darkness and a letter from Dumbledore in the counter you left. It was nearly 4AM and you just arrived a few minutes ago.

“You read the letter, didn’t you? Dumbledore invited me, plus, I wanted to see Harry.” You mumbled the last part.  

Sirius smirked and approached you as you took a seat. “Did they all have their knickers in a twist?” He asked, his voice laced with mischief, as if he was actually proud with the reckless stunt he pulled.  

You couldn’t help but let out a snort, typical Black and his love to get into different heart-stopping situations. That was where he and Remus differed- Remus was your calm, and Sirius was like a whirlwind bent on destroying everything he passed through. Speaking of Remus, you still couldn’t get your meeting off of your mind, and your heart still picked up its pace every time you thought about it even though it started off the wrong foot.  

You kind of felt guilty with lying, even though what you said wasn’t technically a lie. Kind of. “Next time you try to go in, maybe try learning the password first, yeah? There’s a brilliant idea for you.” You murmured, not caring if your friend heard you or not.  

Talk around town was filled with nothing but Sirius Black the next few days. The theories on how he got in into Hogwarts became wilder and wilder that you heard a young Hufflepuff student babble on to anyone who would listen that Sirius could turn into a flowering shrub. Sirius had laughed for ten minutes straight at that. You became busier as well- McGonagall strode in one day asking to speak to you privately.

“Dumbledore has requested your presence in his office any time you are available.”  

You wiped your hands on your apron, giving your old professor a questioning look. “Um, you can tell him that I’ll be there in a few minutes then, just let me tell Madam Rosmerta-” You were about to head back inside before McGonagall cut you off.

“Actually,” She started and you stopped on your tracks and turned back to her, “I also have a request if it wouldn’t be too much for you.”

“Yes?”

She let out a sigh, “Well, I believe you are aware that Harry Potter is a Seeker in the Quidditch team?” You nodded dumbly, having no idea where this conversation was going. “Well, their first match is on Saturday and the students want to train during the evening. I have already asked Madam Hooch to oversee their sessions, but it would put me more at ease if you were there as well. For extra protection, especially since there is no sign of Black yet.”  

You blinked, processing everything she just said. She was basically asking you to keep an eye on your godson- You broke out into a smile, bobbing your head immediately, “Of course!” You stopped and regained your composure when McGonagall raised a brow at you, “I mean, yes, it’s no problem at all Professor; I’ll head to the Quidditch field every time I finish here then.”

McGonagall let out one of her rare smiles and nodded at you, she then told you she would be waiting for you so you could go to the castle together. Luckily for you, Madam Rosmerta had no qualms about you leaving early today so you left without much hassle and you and McGonagall headed to Hogwarts, making small talk here and there.

When you came here with Sirius, you didn’t expect to be going in and out of the school so much; especially since you’ve been laying low for the past ten years, leaving the Ministry and all that. “I believe you know your way from here.” McGonagall told you as you entered the castle, you nodded absentmindedly so she left you in the hall. 

The students stole glances at you as they passed by, some surely recognizing you from the Halloween feast. You stuffed your hands inside the pockets of your coat and made your way up the numerous staircases until you reached the familiar corridor that led to the Headmaster’s office.

You stood outside entrance covered by the large and ugly stone gargoyle. You were at a lost since McGonagall never mentioned the password to you. So how were you going to go inside now? Just before you turned on your heels to find someone who could get you in, the pathway opened as Remus came out looking rather under the weather. He stopped on his tracks when he saw you; he cleared his throat and fixed his tie. “Y/N” He tiredly greeted.

“Remus.” You answered with a nod. The both of you stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to talk about. You glanced behind him, at the stairway to the office, “Um, is Dumbledore available?”  

Remus turned and glanced at stairs as well, then looked at you again, “Uh- yes, yes he is, we just finished our discussion and he doesn’t have an audience now so...” He trailed off.

“Okay, I guess I should head in then.” You mumbled and walked past him before turning back, “Take care of yourself okay?” You told him. He gave you a curt nod before walking away, so you went on to your business.  

Sirius paced back and forth in the little house you shared. “Honestly, please sit down. You’re making me dizzy with all the pacing. It’s not good for the floorboards.” You snapped. He sat down next to you in the sofa and looked at you seriously. Despite the rather upbeat music that played from the radio in the corner, the room had a rather glum atmosphere.  

“Dumbledore wants you to-”  

“To patrol Hogsmeade and Hogwarts a couple of times in a week. Report to him if I find anything suspicious, or I see any clues where you might be.” You finished.

Sirius furrowed his brows, “But why? You’re not an Auror anymore, you don’t have to do shit for them.” He snarled. Because what ever did Dumbledore did for any of them when the Potters died? He gave Harry to those god-awful Muggles and hadn’t even tried to give a fair trial to Sirius.  

You looked up to your Headmaster, you always had, but sometimes... sometimes his actions frustrated the hell out of you. Sirius took your hands in his when he noticed your visibly upset face. “I shouldn’t have brought you here with me. I think they’re trying to get you back into their fold.”  

“Sirius, you must be forgetting something,” You gave him a bitter smile, “They’re not the enemy here.” Sirius sighed and dropped his head to your joined hands. You freed one and ran it through his black locks. “Besides, this just means I get to see Harry more often, and maybe help you if the situation requires it.” You smiled at the thought.  

“You’ll get to see Moony-” he mentioned, “You’re bloody miserable every time you see him again, I know you, when you came back after the feast and today, after that meeting with Dumbledore, you’ve been lost in thought. You still love him, don’t you?” He sat straight again and looked at you straight in the eye. “I don’t want to see you die a little inside every single time.”

Your smile faltered; you hadn’t realized that Sirius noticed. You thought you were being discreet about it. “I...” You inhaled sharply, “I never stopped.” You admitted for the first time, letting out a defeated breath. Your eyes watered as you tried to keep your emotions in check whenever Remus was the topic of your conversation. Sirius placed a warm hand on your cheek and wiped a stray tear away.  

“Moony’s a total git for letting you go.” He commented, you let out a dry laugh at that and he grinned. “C’mere” He pulled you up from the couch and held your hands, a playful glint in his eyes as he swayed to a different, but still upbeat song from the radio. He looked rather idiotic as he moved left to right in what could be called an impromptu dance. You laughed as he pulled you close and twirled you around at random moments, it was as if your worries and your hurt was being washed away and the once gloomy house was filled with laughter for the first time since you’ve been there. Remus, Peter, Dumbledore and the Dementors were faraway thoughts at that very moment because all you could focus on was your best friend who was swaying with you clumsily to a Muggle song the both of you didn’t even know the title of.  

As the song neared its end, your head leaned on his neck as he held you close, slowly turning with your hands still clasped together, relishing in the company and comfort the two of you gave to each other, but reality was slowly seeping back in by then and you stopped when the song ended. You pulled away from him; the two of you shared a look as static played in the background before you retreated to your bedroom, shutting the door softly behind you.  

___________________

Permanent Taglist:

@coffeeismylife28 , @oreofrappiewithblueberry

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2020

You know, when I finished my latest list and realised every decade had the same pattern and that we were slowly going towards a series of great years for pop, I didn’t realise how good that year would be.

What’s at the top? Am I boringly predictable because I already said I loved that song all the way back in January 2020? Let’s find out.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will probably be stuff in French somewhere on this post. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

So. Uh. How was your 2020?

Mine was actually surprisingly good, considering. I’m lucky enough to have a job that I can partially do from home, and I was extremely paranoid from the get-go and nobody got sick under this roof so far. Turns out I’m even better at my job from home and I got permission to work from home one day per week even after the health crisis is over! My first name was also finally officially approved and I can’t tell you how happy I feel about that. I almost feel bad to have had such a good year considering the circumstances. I feel like an asshole just because I’m happy, haha.

The only frustrating part was that I was supposed to see Hatari in concert in Paris in early April which, as you can guess, was cancelled. I’m not too mad about it though, since their tour was called “Europe will crumble” and the message saying the tour was cancelled started with “since Europe is actually crumbling due to Covid-19″ and that’s hysterical.

Good or interesting albums that came out in 2020 now, let’s see.

Nightwish released Human/Nature, which was a huge letdown compared to their previous album, but I will relisten to it at some point to make sure I wasn’t just in a bad mood that day.

The Birthday Massacre released Diamonds, which might be their weakest album since their debut, but contained some real gems (I listened to The Last Goodbye on a loop, it floored me. Flashback and Enter are also very good).

The 1975 released Notes On A Conditional Form, and let’s be real, it’s a f█cking mess. You could cut half the tracks and end up with an excellent album, but as it is it’s like, yes, a collection of notes ; however there’s some truely excellent shit on it (see unelligible songs).

Thanks to a friend on a discord server I was exposed to Dorian Electra’s music and I haven’t been quite the same ever since. I’m so happy to be alive to see other enbies making such great music with an insanely good aesthetic surrounding it and asking so many interesting questions about gender. Also the arc the ‘gentleman’ character goes through over the course of the entire tracklist of the 2020 My Agenda album is absolutely hilarious, don’t @ me.

I also discovered 100 Gecs this year. Why are most of you guys saying it’s unlistenable garbage. It’s just as abrasive and over the top as industrial music is, but with none of the edginess or drama. I love it. What the hell. But yeah Tree of Clues was released this year. Good.

Speaking of industrial, in March 2020 Nine Inch Nails were like “hey remember when we released Ghosts I-IV a decade ago entirely for free and how amazing that was? Well we’re all in lockdown and bored as hell so here’s Ghosts V-VI and it’s also free. Enjoy” and I f█cking died instantly. And it’s even better than I-IV. What the hell was that year

Jonsi released Shiver. It’s strange and highly experimental. I’m pretty sure it’s a good thing I was into hyperpop this year, otherwise going from his previous material straight to this album would have been brutal.

Yadda yadda yadda After Hours by the Weeknd good yadda yadda.

I’ve joked about that already but if you had told me in 2019 that 2020 would have fires, a pandemic, riots, monoliths appearing and disappearing, and also a super good Machine Gun Kelly album, guess which part I would have found the most ridiculous. But yeah uh. Tickets to my Downfall good

So uh this year I tried to listen to some hyperpop and liked it a lot, and I also dipped my toes timidly into screamo and listened to Svalbard, who released When I Die this year, and the entire album was a very beautiful, very intricately decorated punch to the face. It sounds like God Is An Astronaut except with a shit ton of yelling. I love it. Open Wound is my favorite track on it.

But no, despite all of this, my album of the year was from a band I had never even heard about before that year, called Spanish Love Songs. The album is titled Brave Faces Everyone and it’s line after line after line of extremely relatable generational angst but yelled with complete sincerity and it’s so propulsive and energetic you can’t help but feel both exhausted and ready to fight the entire universe. I don’t know how it works, but it’s incredible. The entire album is wonderfully brutal, so it’s kind of difficult to pick my favorite songs on it, but Beachfront Property and the title track stand out.

Unelligible songs, now, and there’s, uh, quite a few of them too so I’m also gonna use bullet points. Good lord this post is gonna be long.

First, let me say I have literally no idea why Midnight Sky by Miley Cyrus wasn’t a bigger hit. It’s not on the year-end US top 100 and it feels extremely wrong. Would have made it to #4 on this list otherwise.

I still entertain the vague hope that stuff from Machine Gun Kelly will chart higher in 2021 but I doubt it will happen so I might as well tackle it now and say that Bloody Valentine and especially Forget Me Too are both excellent and that it’s a shame radios aren’t playing them more often.

Heaven by the late Avicii featuring Coldplay should have charted in 2019 and still didn’t chart in 2020 and that’s a real shame.

If the world was a bit less unfair, Lovesick Girls by Blackpink would have been a hit rather than the awful Ice Cream.

One day I will stop complaining about my bafflement concerning the lack of mainstream pop charts success of The 1975. Today is not that day. I just love how they keep making songs about extremely awkward relationships full of weird details, and I haven’t grown tired of that yet. So yeah If You’re Too Shy is about a guy who’s crush is asking him to get naked on Skype in his hotel room and he’s, uh, not too sure about that idea.

And Me & You Together is about a guy who never finds the right moment to tell his best friend he’s in love with her, and he manages to do so at the end and it’s cute as hell. My fave part is “I'm sorry that I'm kinda queer / It's not as weird as it appears / It's 'cause my body doesn't stop me (Stop me) / Oh, it's okay, lots of people think I'm gay / But we're friends, so it's cool, why would it not be?”. Relatable as f█ck.

And now for an international hit that should have been bigger in the US and/or in my country but wasn’t: Head & Heart by Joel Corry and MNEK.

I’ve heard Nos Célébrations by Indochine extremely often on French radio for months now so I was very surprised to see that it didn’t crack the local year-end list. What happened.

I can finally hear the appeal of Bring Me The Horizon. It took me ages. And also Death Stranding. The song Ludens isn’t in the game per say, but it’s among the ones you can pick to broadcast briefly when people drive by your constructions, and long story short it's been living rent-free in my head for months now.

Phew.

It’s time for a round of Honorable Mentions for elligible songs, containing a couple of guilty pleasures, which is saying something considering the kind of shit I put on some of my previous lists.

Ne Reviens Pas (Gradur et Heuss l’Enfoiré) - Heuss is a French artist that kept baffling me while making my lists for the previous years, and I was like “??? ok, that’s it then, I guess I’m getting too old to get what teenagers find funny”. This one worked for me, though. And the music video doesn’t hurt. Really dumb and really fun.

Adore You (Harry Styles) - Perfectly good little pop song, very pleasant to listen to, never outstayed its welcome for me.

Mood (24kGoldn) - This doesn’t sound like a very good relationship, my dude, but that’s still a super pleasant song.

WAP (Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion) - This song is absolutely hilarious and I will hear no argument from any of you.

Control (Zoe Wees) - Was clearly a hit here. Should have been even bigger though. What a powerful but comfy voice. If I had better taste it would be on the list.

Hot Girl Bummer (Blackbear) - I. Uh. Listen. I keep saying I have bad taste and nobody believes me. Do you believe me now. But yeah. “F█ck you, and you, and you~, I hate your friends and they hate me too” is gonna pop in my head every single time someone is being a jerk anywhere near me now. It’s been happening all year already. Someone trashed my documents at work? Someone isn’t wearing a mask in public? That guy has filled his car with rolls of toilet paper? Brain goes “F█ck you, and you, and you~”. Every. Single. Time.

Come & Go (Juice WRLD & Marshmello ) - Damn, that’s a pretty good little song. I’ve seen plenty of people saying it’s ruined by the drop, but may I remind you I’m the person who loves Blue by Eiffel 65 with all my heart. If the song was ramping up consistently until the end instead of ending like that, it would have made the list, definitely.

And now, the actual list. This one actually feels pretty solid, I genuinely like everything on it, there’s no filler here for once.

10 - The Box (Roddy Rich)

US: #3 / FR: #23

Now this is a weird case, because for the longest time I couldn’t figure out why this song was so popular and I was completely neutral about it. Then, one morning in September, my mental jukebox (which always, always puts a song on a loop in my head when I wake up) decided to play it. And I was like oh wow?? I never noticed the atmosphere in that song before? It’s so great. And that hook too. Let’s listen to it.

So yeah, I don’t know what happened. It just clicked one day and everything fell into place, I guess.

9 - Alane (Wes & Robin Shulz)

US: Not on the list / FR: #93

Come on. You can’t do a remake of one of my previous #1 songs and let it chart in 2020. That’s cheating. Even with this subpar drop, I have to put it on the list, now.

I’ve already said my piece about the original, so I’m just going to send you back to my 1997 list.

8 - Kings and Queens (Ava Max)

US: Not on the list / FR: #76

[BBC documentary voice] After Lady Gaga decided to make piano balads and left her musical niche vacant, Ava Max quickly took her place as the top predator pop diva. Even after Lady Gaga was re-introduced to her natural habitat in 2020, she still hasn’t fully recovered in Europe, where Ava Max still reigns supreme on the charts -

(tldr I think it’s hilarious that this isn’t on the US Billboard while Lady Gaga isn’t on the French year-end top 100)

7 - Roses (Saint Jhn & Imanbek)

US: #19 / FR: #3

What an earworm. It doesn’t even bother trying to have an intro or an outro, so it loops almost perfectly. It’s like entering a party that started long before you arrived, and it will go on long after you leave it to go back home. Kind of hypnotic in a way.

And yes, my mental jukebox was very fond of using it to wake me up this year, so this is another song that’s here almost solely because of that.

6 - Physical (Dua Lipa)

US: Not on the list / FR: #69 (hehehe)

“Hey I’m not that old” says the guy who’s definitely a sucker for this kind of retro throwback that was so popular this year. Oh well.

I don’t have anything interesting to say about this one, though. Apart from the fact that everyone seems to have a different fave song on that album. Guess that’s quality for you.

5 - Rain on Me (Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande)

US: #48 / FR: Not on the list

That is far from being Lady Gaga’s best song, but it was a joy to listen to everytime it was on the radio anyway. Also Ariana Grande has surprisingly good chemistry with Gaga! This year was full of strange duets mostly made for commercial reasons, and this one isn’t an exception, but unlike a lot of them, it really, really works.

4 - Dynamite (BTS)

US: #38 / FR: Not on the list

I’m still not 100% sold on k-pop even if a ton of it sounds super good, but come on. Even if some bits of this song (especially the beginning of the second chorus) sound a bit like they were made on autopilot, it still sounds just as happy and fun several months after I first heard it and I never got tired of it. That’s quality. You hear it and you can’t help but tap your feet and smile.

Actually, I’m sure there’s people somewhere that don’t smile when they hear this song. And they must be avoided at all costs.

3 - Godzilla (Eminem ft Juice WRLD)

US: #62 / FR: Not on the list

What are you doing so high on this list, old man. Why are you still here in the year 2020. I thought we left you in the previous decade. Who gave you the right.

I’m gonna tell you who did, and it’s actually Juice WRLD. Because that chorus is incredible, and like a lot of people I’m pissed off because the guy died super young and this shit shouldn’t happen to anybody. No, his early material wasn’t great, but I’m sorry I’m gonna say it again: have you heard this damn chorus? It’s suspenseful and dark, it’s got this lowkey menacing quality, it’s an earworm and a half, and it’s more convincing in like six lines than Eminem’s own flexing is in the entire song.

The beat is extremely good as well, and the flow, obviously, impressive. The weakest link is Eminem’s writing, which is as usual full of puns and weird wordplay, except here a lot of it isn’t great, and that last ultra fast part at the end is technically impressive but it also drives the song up a cliff and stops it dead in its tracks once it’s over. But frankly the lines fly by so fast it’s difficult to be too annoyed by them.

Can I sincerely put this extremely flawed song so high on my list? A better question would be “did I spend hours trying to learn how to sing this shit without choking on my own spit?”. The answer is yes. To both.

2 - Heartless (The Weeknd)

US: #28 / FR: Not on the list

I’ve said it on my 2015 and 2016 lists already, but just for the record I’ll say it again: it took me ages to like The Weeknd, mostly because I found most of his songs fairly boring, or disliked the lyrics, or both. Also I never really liked the general vibe of his “sexy” songs like The Hills, they felt dark but in an unpleasant creepy way. Felt like miserable hedonism, if that makes sense.

So, because I’m a person with extremely consistent and logical tastes, here’s the exact same shit he was making before, except that this time I absolutely adore it.

What is he doing differently that makes the whole After Hours album click for me whereas almost all of his previous material failed to do so? Is it the energy? Is it the reverb? Is it the fact that the narrator sounds properly unhinged and, frankly, scared to be spiralling out of control? Why are the colors so beautiful yet full of anxiety? Why is that bridge so fantastic? How can you make your voice look like a glowstick in the dark?

I give up. I have no clue. At least I’m done talking about-

Oh.

1 - Blinding Lights (The Weeknd)

US: #1 / FR: #1 (listen sometimes something’s just that good, ok)

Surprise. Or not.

Wow, look at that, Johannes has put this year’s number one pop song at number one on their personal playlist. The audacity. The edge. What a hot take.

I discovered that song when it first came out at the end of 2019 and I adored it instantly. And I was so scared it wouldn’t be a hit. Which means I’m a f█cking dumbass considering it ended up breaking all sorts of records in 2020. But what can I say, overplay can be a blessing when you love a song that much.

Like every single song I put at number one on one of my lists, I will draw this one at some point and you will understand how incredibly satisfying it is to listen to a song called Blinding Lights, talking about city lights looking blurry when you’re driving at night, while looking itself like a bunch of blurry city lights passing by super fast. Perfect in every way.

Also it sounds exactly like A-ha, and that never hurts.

See you next year! Pretty sure it will be even better music-wise.

[clumsyclifford]

mayhaps,,,backseat serenade for a prompt?? (don’t ask me to pick a specific part bc i am Indecisive) also for any pairing but i am partial to malum

OKAY hear me out. i know you said malum and i will happily write this with malum if you want but this song is a muke song to me. and since ive never written muke (!! it is a night for debuts eh) i figured. may as well give it a go. in this low stakes tumblr prompt fic environment. SO here we have it. the closest ill probably ever get to writing smut without writing smut <3

-

Luke’s on his third drink when he sees Michael across the room, and Michael catches his eye. Luke lifts a hand, gesturing for him to come over, which is a bad idea, because he’s drunk, and Michael’s definitely drunk — he’s been drinking whiskey all night; weird choice but there’s no explaining Michael — and Luke and Michael are notoriously lacking in self-control when drunk, but now Michael’s already coming over and it’s too late to take it back.

“Hey hey hey,” Michael slurs as he leans against the bar, crowding already into Luke’s space. His breath smells of whiskey, and Luke wishes that were enough to turn him off it, but it’s very much not. 

“Hey back,” Luke says. “Having fun?”

Michael barks a laugh. “Fuck no. Are you?”

Of course Luke’s not having fun — it’s why he’s sitting at the bar. “No,” he says, trying and failing to refrain from saying what he wants to say next. “But I could be, now.”

Michael smiles. “Worst chat-up line I’ve ever heard in my life,” he says, coming around Luke and using his shoulders to spin him around on the barstool. “Try again.”

“Who said anything about chat-up lines?” Luke blinks up at Michael, wide-eyed and innocent. It’s gotten him before and it’ll work again. Luke wishes he didn’t know that so well, but Michael licks his lips and they’re here again like they’ve been too many times before. 

“Got me there,” Michael breathes, leaning in. Luke leans away instinctively and his back presses into the bar.

“Maybe I just needed a friend,” he says weakly.

“I bet you did,” Michael says, watching him carefully.

It’s no use. They’re caught in the web already. Struggling against it will be in vain, so all that’s left to do is sink deeper and hope that it’ll dissolve by morning.

Luke pushes himself off the seat so swiftly that Michael stumbles backwards. Good, Luke thinks with relish, because Michael loves to push him around and sometimes it’s Luke’s turn. “Your place or mine?”

Michael chews on his lower lip. Luke suddenly finds it hard to breathe. “Yours.”

Luke orders an Uber and they leave the bar to wait for it. The summery nighttime air is warm with just a hint of a breeze, and Michael hangs off him the whole time they wait, pressing butterfly kisses to his jaw with deceptive gentleness.

(Michael’s never gentle with him. It’s why Luke keeps coming back — or at least one of the reasons. Maybe he needs to be reminded that he can take it. If Michael can’t break him, nobody can. And Michael’s awfully good at pushing his limits.)

Luke feels badly for the Uber driver; Michael kisses Luke the moment they slide into the backseat of the car. The radio is on, something loud and angry playing through the speakers. Distantly Luke thinks he’ll definitely leave a generous tip, although presently all he can think about is Michael’s mouth on his, and wishing Michael’s mouth were doing other things, although those things should definitely wait until they’re no longer in the backseat of a car.

“Michael,” he manages, trying for scolding though he’s sure it comes out desperate. Michael pulls back, at least for a moment, hooded eyes gazing into Luke’s own. “Slow down.”

“Slow down?” Michael repeats, sounding deeply unimpressed. “That doesn’t sound like you.”

“We’re in an Uber,” Luke hisses. “We’ll be back at mine in five minutes.”

“Mm,” Michael says. “That’s five too many, if you ask me.”

He presses back into Luke, pushes him into a messy kiss, and Luke tries, really tries to stop the way he melts into it, but it’s fucking impossible. Kissing Michael is his main source of relief, the antidote to all of his pain, and every time they kiss Luke hurts a little less all over. The world is bitter and frequently out to get him, but Michael is a welcome reprieve, someone hungry and immediate to deal with, enough to take Luke’s mind off all the shit he’s trying to ignore about his life and focus just on this.

Five minutes does turn out to feel like an eternity, and Luke doesn’t even wish the driver a goodnight because he’s almost too embarrassed to even acknowledge the ride happened. That concern quickly flies from his mind when Michael essentially manhandles him to the door, and Luke fumbles with the lock just enough to remember that he is, in fact, rather drunk, and so is Michael.

(But what is life for if not making stupid decisions about sleeping with your bandmates slash best friends when you’re wasted?)

Michael all but pushes Luke through the door once it’s open, at which point Luke decides he’s had enough of that, and spins on his heel to pin Michael to the back of the door. Breathing hard, trying not to become completely incoherent from Michael’s disheveled state, he says, “Be fucking patient.”

Michael juts his chin out, so casually defiant that Luke’s heart stutters in his chest. 

(Which is wrong. This isn’t supposed to be a matter of the heart — Luke’s heart should have checked out by now, but it’s still here, watching and waiting for Michael, hungry in a different way. This should be a physical affair, the way it’s been every time before, but Luke can’t help the leaps and bounds in his ribcage, only do his level best to ignore them.)

“Make me,” Michael says, around a delicious smirk.

They’re in Luke’s house, though, and the time for patience is past, and anyway, Luke is probably stronger than Michael but he’d much rather be on the other side of this hold, and they both know it.

The song from the radio still on repeat in Luke’s head, he leans in, and Michael meets him halfway, a battle they fight over and over with no clear victor.

-

Luke wakes up in bed, Michael snoring lightly across his bare chest, sunlight streaming in through the windows, a furious headache behind his eyes. This, at least, is familiar. The unfamiliar piece is the dull thud of Luke’s heartbeat picking up speed as he registers Michael in bed with him.

It’s not as if they haven’t woken up like this before. It’s not like they’ve never shared a fucking bed, notwithstanding whether or not they’d just fucked. Luke feels vulnerable, laid bare; even though it’s impossible for Michael to know what he’s thinking, Luke is nervous that Michael will know.

As if summoned by Luke’s thoughts (an idea that doesn’t put Luke’s nerves at ease), Michael’s eyes flutter open, and he yawns.

“Hi,” he says, looking up through tired eyes at Luke. 

(Luke has learned to reconcile the Michael from last night with the Michael from this morning. They’re not the same person, but then again, neither is Luke.)

“Hi,” Luke says. He closes his eyes. The light is doing absolutely nothing for his hangover. “We should try and remember to close the blinds.”

“Fucking amen,” Michael grumbles. “I’m blaming you. It’s your house.”

Luke would have remembered if he hadn’t been so distracted by a certain someone, but he’s pretty sure they have an agreement not to really talk about it, so he doesn’t say that. Instead, he says, “I’ll make breakfast if you ask really nicely.”

“Make breakfast or I’ll TP your house,” Michael says, burying his face in Luke’s side. “I know where you live.”

Luke smiles and huffs a laugh. “Try again.”

“Don’t make breakfast,” Michael says. He tilts his head and looks at Luke. “Don’t get up yet. Come on. Go back to sleep. We don’t need to get up.”

Luke stares. This is uncharted territory. Michael’s not supposed to ask him to stay. Michael’s not supposed to ask to stay.

“I have to, um,” Luke starts, still staring at Michael as Michael stares back. There’s a challenge in his expression but also something pleading about it, something vulnerable and on the whole very unlike any version of Michael that Luke knows.

“Close the blinds?” Michael finishes for him, offering him a soft smile.

Luke catches his breath. “Yeah. And then we can go back to sleep.”

Michael flops onto his back, releasing his hold on Luke. Luke feels cold, and quickly slides out of bed and crosses to the windows. Shutting the blinds throws the room into a much dimmer light, and he takes a second to adjust his eyes before ambling back over to his bed and crawling under the sheet.

Michael immediately tucks himself against Luke’s side, fitting so comfortably that Luke can’t believe he’s been sleeping all this time alone. It makes sense, and it feels right, and Luke’s chest feels full to bursting with the fact that Michael hasn’t left. Michael is still here, breaking every rule they’ve written for themselves.

So Luke ducks his head and presses a kiss to Michael’s hair. (Because what’s one more?)

“Mm,” Michael hums contentedly, looking up at Luke. “I’d kiss you if I cared enough to reach you, honest.”

“Could just ask,” Luke says lightly. “I’m very accommodating.”

“Oh, I know.” Michael grins. The rulebook is in tatters; Luke thinks, fuck it, and shuffles down in bed to kiss Michael. Somehow this one, more than all of the other ones they’ve ever had, makes Luke’s stomach churn. Michael tastes of stale whiskey and salt and morning breath, a mixture that should be atrocious but for some reason isn’t.

Michael smiles again when he pulls away, sleepy through half-lidded eyes. “I’m sleeping ‘til this hangover goes away on its own. Hope you didn’t have plans.”

Luke can’t find it in him to come up with any kind of witty retort. “Okay,” he says softly. “Goodnight.”

“‘Night,” Michael answers with a yawn, and within moments he’s back to sleep. 

Luke falls asleep soon after. It’s much easier to fall asleep, he finds, with someone else curled up in bed with him, especially when that someone is Michael. Luke thinks about potential energy and drifts off with a smile.  

[howaminotinthestrokesyet]

Radio Friendly Unit Shifter: The Complete Nirvana Videography

Heart-Shaped Box

Nirvana had originally wanted Kevin Kerslake to direct this video, who had written the initial treatment in July 1992. By the summer of 1993, he had written at least five treatments, which included a shot of Kurt Cobain kissing William Burroughs and another of the entire band hanging by their necks from trees. Yet by the end of August, the band decided to go with Dutch photographer Anton Corbijn. The director seemed initially apprehensive about agreeing to do the video as he had heard Kurt Cobain could act overly detailed in production. He would say, “But then I looked at it and I thought that actually it was pretty good. I was very amazed by somebody writing a song and having those ideas as precise as he did." The video begins with the band standing in a hospital room around an old man receiving an IV drip, then moves to a surreal Wizard of Oz type of outdoor setting. The same old man in a Santa and later Pope hat climbs on a crow infested cross as they sing the song. The video also includes a young girl reaching for fetuses in a tree, while at the same time an overweight woman appears with human organs painted on her chest with a pair of wings. Many of these ideas were actually conceived by Corbijn, not the band as he always came up with the ideas on his own for any of his videos. Upon the promotion’s release, Kevin Kerslake sued the band for copyright infringement, as the case would be settled out of court. Upon its release, the clip became the most played video on MTV eventually garnering two video music awards for Best Alternative Video and Art Direction. Dave Grohl, Krist Novoselic, and Pat Smear accepted the awards as Kurt Cobain had already passed. New Musical Express named it as the 11th best music video of all time, while Time magazine called it the number 10 music video ever saying it was both “beautiful and terrible.” In 2016, Dave Grohl reunited with the young girl from the video, who had this to say about the reunion. “Today reminded me that I peaked at 6 years old but I was the most badass kid on the playground. Today was the absolute coolest. Or in Dave's words seeing each other today was a 'historic moment'! What a legend!”

Sliver

A music video for the song was released in 1993 to promote the compilation album, Incesticide. The video would be directed by longtime collaborator Kevin Kerslake. The clip begins with Kurt Cobain holding his young daughter up behind some cardboard as she dances along to the first few seconds of the track. The video moves to Cobain’s garage, where it shows the band performing the song. Dave Grohl is playing on the drums, even though he never played on the original song. Cobain only sings into a microphone, but he's never seen playing guitar. He is wearing a red mohair sweater that Courtney Love had purchased for him from a fan at a Nirvana show in Belfast, Northern Ireland. His whole garage is filled with toys and decorations the singer had placed in storage just before the release of Nevermind that he had collected over the years. The collection included a Chim Chim toy monkey that was given to him from the Japanese band Shonen Knife.

Come As You Are

This video would actually be the first one directed by Kevin Kerslake, who was hired after such a negative experience with the director on Smells Like Teen Spirit. The concept would be developed by Kerslake as Cobain could not come up with any ideas, so he let the director develop the video. The singer’s only requirement was that some kind of reference be made to the cover of the Nevermind album. The clip shows the band in a dark room as water falls around them obscuring their form. Other images include Cobain swinging from a chandelier, a dog wandering around the room, a baby swimming in a pool, and a pistol falling underwater. The end of the video shows the entire group lying on the ground as Cobain kisses the camera.

Lithium

This video originally had a concept of doing a short animated story about a female girl named Prego. This girl lives in a forest, when she finds some eggs and takes them to a king in a nearby castle. Unfortunately, both Kevin Kerslake and Cobain discovered that it would take four months to produce the video, so they abandoned the idea. Kerslake instead created a collage of concert footage for the video made up of their 1991 Paramount Theater concert and other footage from the 1992 film, The Year Punk Broke. Biographer Michael Azerrad would make this critical comment about the clip. "Although [the video] was enlivened by Kerslake's neat trick of using more violent footage during the quiet parts of the song and vice versa, it was something of a disappointment from a band and a song that promised so much."

You Know You’re Right

Chris Hafner directed this video released in October 2002 to coincide with the single of the same name. The clip shows a montage of The band in either concerts or interviews, but giving the impression that they are actually performing the song. The video would reach number two on Billboard’s music videos chart. New Musical Express would go on to nominate it for Best Music Video in 2002.

In Bloom

Two versions of this video exist. The first one showed clips of the band walking around New York City and performing at Maxwells in New Jersey. In the clip, one can see Krist Novoselic in some shots has hair and others a shaved head. The reason for that comes from the fact that he had to shave it as punishment for a mediocre performance during a show at the Pyramid Club. They made this alternate version for a compilation dvd on the Sub Pop label, Sub Pop Video Network Volume One. The second version, which most people remember is called the Nevermind version. This promotional clip would be directed once again by Kevin Kerslake and released in November 1992. Kurt Cobain’s original concept for it was to tell the story of a young girl born into a Ku Klux Klan family until she realizes the evil nature of her parents, but the concept seemed much too difficult to work out. He then switched it into a parody of 1960’s television shows like the Ed Sullivan Show. The entire video was shot in original cameras of the period in Kinescope, while the band did the entire song without a script. The actor playing the host was Doug Llewellyn, who had worked as the reporter interviewing people after their case on the People’s Court. Cobain wanted to make a funny parody video to show that there was another side to Nirvana. He felt “so tired for the last year of people taking us so seriously . . . I wanted to fuck off and show them that we have a humorous side to us.” The entire band would wear suits during their performance, while the Nirvana frontman had glasses that eventually made him quite dizzy. He would later say in a Melody Maker interview that they wanted to parody groups like the Dave Clark Five, but not the Beatles. He would never mock the Fab Four due to their influence on his songwriting. In the clip, Novoselic is wearing short hair, which he liked so much that he never changed it. They eventually destroy all of their instruments and the stage by the end of the song. In Bloom would go on to win the 1993 MTV Music Video Award for Best Alternative Video.

Smells Like Teen Spirit

This video would be directed by first timer Sam Bayer. The director believed that he actually got hired because the work on his résumé seemed so below average that Nirvana thought that it would represent the opposite of anything remotely corporate. The concept developed by the band was to stage a school concert that ended in a riot. The idea had been based on the films Rock ‘n’ Roll High School starring the Ramones and The 1979 film, Over the Edge. The clip begins with the band playing the song during a pep rally in a high school gym as cheerleaders wearing sweaters with the anarchy symbol on them cheer along. Every so often, the camera cuts to a janitor dancing alongside his broom. The video ends with the apathetic students going from the bleachers to the gym floor in a full-scale riot. The apathy from the students was actually real as they had been sitting on the bleachers all day. Cobain was finally able to convince Bayer that the students should be allowed to mosh at the end of the video. The singer said, “Once the kids came out dancing they just said 'fuck you', because they were so tired of his shit throughout the day.” The Nirvana frontman hated the directors final edit of the video so much that he went in himself creating what became the final version. Upon its release, Rolling Stone’s David Fricke would say that it was “the greatest gig that you could ever imagine.” The video would go on the win MTV Video Music Awards for Best New Artist and Best Alternative Video. In 1999, the video was named the number three music video of all time on a list put out by MTV. VH1 named it number 18 in the greatest television moments in the history of music as alternative music now became a “commercial and cultural force.” At the end of 2019, the video had been viewed 1 billion times on YouTube.

[bujokookie]

hey! if u don't mind me asking can u pls tell me why spotify isn't good? i've been considering getting spotify bc of everyone talking abt how superior it is and i'd love to hear an alternative opinion bc ive been very much on the fence. thank u! 🌸

Helloo ^.^, lol just wanted to say that I’m not a Spotify anti and before I go on I have used Apple Music for like 4 yrs so my opinions are based on comparisons so pls take with a grain of salt.

Okay! So I’ve used Spotify for less than a month and in the beginning I had some functionality issues which I found exasperating. One of them being that there was no rewind button feature on my lockscreen, so in order to take back a song and relisten to it I had to change it through the control center or go back into the app, or hold onto that lil line and scrub. Another one was that my AirPods Pro double tap feature to either fast forward or rewind only did the former so i was contantly hovering over the app. (Unlocking my phone is a hassle for me cause I walk around without it on me or it’s shoved in my purse/armband when I run or I listen on my iPad which I don’t lug around the house).

The algorithm is also very try hard, it’s like it’s rushing to pay attention to you. I’m sure people like this but for me it’s like “i listened to this track for half a minute It’s not my favorite 😭”. I’m not sure if this is a setting you can turn off but the list of songs never end 😳. I was freaked out when I finished listening to the last song on an album, the algorithm just continues playing other songs (either from the same artist or similar artists). This happened when I finished listening to The Boyz and it started playing a stray kids song, not exactly a fan of stray kids guys so it felt like I was forced to listen to them. That being said I do enjoy some of the perks of the algorithm, I’ve only been on Spotify for a short time but with its help I was able to add songs a lot quicker to my library. The daily mix recs are also really spot on.

The layout is -.- sigh~ everything is all just clustered into 3 bottom bar options. The first one has all these things put into one, podcasts, recently played, your fav artists, radio etc. The second is your search bar And third is your library (these aren’t bad). Nice and minimal but once I’m in that first one I’m overwhelmed and don’t even scroll past the first two subheadings. There is also no lyrics feature for like 95% of the songs on there. I listen to mumble rappers like Young Thug and Roddy Rich so I like to know wth they’re saying lol. Some songs have moving images which is pretty cool.

Anyhow, whatever perks you’ve heard about Spotify from others is most likely true and I can even say worthwhile. I know that cause my friend has like 2 Google home minis for free and gets these reciptify thingie that excites her lol. It’s also tax free, Apple Music Canada started taxations on its service at the beginning of this year so it costs a bit more. Basically I felt like making a switch was kind of pointless as an Apple user, if you use android then I definitely would recommend Spotify. I chose to switch cause my friend told me that it has a memory space saver option. I hoard songs so my Apple Music currently takes up 30gb of my 64gb phone -.- but do research more beforehand who knows the benefits highlited by others might entice you more. <3

[caspian-is-not-interesting]

TRIGGER WARNING: suicide, death, drugs, self harm, depression

there are some music artists who rose to fame kind of gradually and there are others who got really famous really quickly nirvana or billie eilish for example. id like to put out music some day, not to 'make it' (whatever that means) but to affect someone in a positive way. i dont want to write about an attractive girl and how id like to fuck her because thats been done so many times before, everyones already heard that millions of times. of course i may write about a girl i like because that would be a very meaningful and personal thing for me and to quote cavetown; 'i dont sing my songs i bleed them, i dont write unless i mean them' but i wouldnt write about a girl for streams or radio play or whatever id do it because i genuinely loved her. id like to help people through my music so alot of my stuff would be about things that i have experienced or about things that my friends and or family have experienced like self harm, depression, questioning ur sexuality etc. difficult things. i want people to relate and feel safety and comfort in my words and in my sound. before i die, i want people to know me or at least the me that i show to the world. obviously after im dead, my friends and family will remember me and they might tell their families about me and whatnot but then their children or whoever knows about me only knows me from people who knew me. i want to put out art in some form, probably music, on whatever the new version of spotify is in the future. i wouldnt do it under my name -thatd be too personal and i wouldnt want my family to know that side of me where i am my most vulnerable- but i want people to hear something ive written and think "woah hes really cool, he wrote about something thats affecting me" i want people to feel touched by what i write. but linking back with my original point about rising to fame rapidly like nirvana or billie eilish for example, i dont want that. to quote elliott smith, "im not the right type of person to be famous". i simply wouldnt be able to handle it, all the attention, the paparazzi etc its not for me. id like to be a small independent artist that some people know about and they know my thoughts. the whole world dont need to know my thoughts. again, linking to my original point, the rapid rise to fame is what killed kurt cobain. to quote NF; "he went from nobody to kinda famous" and because he couldnt cope with that he used drugs as a copying mechanism, everything got too much for him and he killed himself i couldnt be famous for that exact reason, i just couldnt cope.

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Baby Love - Part 4

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

A/N - This chapter is just fluff lol, also the song that plays on the radio is Backstreet Boys - No Place. It came on while i was writing this chapter and it just fit. Hope you enjoy this part ❤️

I was sitting in the back yard with a cup of tea throwing the ball to Dodger, he was happily running laps around the yard with his ball before bringing it back to me to throw again. My phone vibrated on the table beside me drawing my attention, i smiled seeing a message from Chris.

Morning sweetheart, you awake yet? Xx

Morning 😘, yeah I'm awake. Im sitting out back playing with Dodger xx

Its a little early for you isn't it? Xx

I think i slept too much yesterday lol xx

Anything planned for today? Xx

Nope just gonna hang out with my main man, i might not even get dressed today lol xx

Please tell me your not out in my back yard naked??.... xx

Of course not! Im wearing your Boston shirt ;) xx

Just my shirt!? Xx

Wouldnt you like to know.....xx

I chuckled as i typed my reply, i was wearing his shirt but i also had on a pair of sleep shorts... he didnt need to know that though.

I would actually! Xx

"Come on Dodge lets feed you" i called to him getting up and heading inside.

I walked into the house and stopped suddenly as i saw Chris closing the front door and dropping his bags on the floor.

"Your home!" i beamed after the shock wore off that he was actually here....he wasn't due back for days yet!

"I had to see you" he was smiling just as much as me as he started to walk towards me "your wearing more than my shirt you little tease"

"I didn't know you'd catch me in my lie" i shrugged, just as Chris reached me he was bundled by a very excited Dodger. Within seconds Chris was on the floor with Dodger jumping all over him licking his face as Chris laughed happily.

"Guess i'll wait my turn" i laughed as i stood watching the two of them greet each other.... I may have recorded their reunion!

After a few minutes i left them to it and went into the kitchen to do Dodgers food, maybe then id get a chance to see Chris. I was humming along to a song on the radio swaying my hips a little as i fed Dodger, then put the kettle on and grabbed some mugs from the cupboard.

When i felt hands winding around my waist i jumped, i hadnt heard Chris come into the kitchen! His hands were soon resting over my tummy as he pressed a kiss to side of my neck.

"Hey" i heard him say quietly, his voice slightly muffled as he nuzzled his face against me, his hand stroking my stomach.

"Hey" i smiled leaning back against him, one of my hands reaching back and stroking the back of his hair as the other covered his hand on my stomach.

"I missed you so much"

"I missed you too"

"I think Dodger missed me more, i got kisses from him.... i mean he tackled me to the floor!"

"You want me to tackle you to the floor Evans?... huh?" I teased turning round in his arms seeing the huge grin on his face.

"I wouldnt say no...."

"I would, but i cant be tackling you im afraid.... ive got precious cargo on board" i shrugged my shoulder.

"Righttttt! Probably a good idea not to tackle me then.....doesnt mean you can't kiss me though" he wiggled his eyebrows pulling me closer to him.

"Fineeee if i have to! Your so demanding...." i started to tease him but was cut off by him crashing his lips to mine, one hand cupping my face lovingly, the other resting on my lower back pulling me closer to him. Being back in Chris's arms was the best feeling in the world, even before we took that step from friends to lovers i always loved being in his arms. I pulled back enough to get a good look at him and smiled lovingly up at him.

"What?"

"How do you look this pretty after you've been working as much as you have and then being stuck on a plane... its just not fair" i chuckled as we slowly swayed to the song on the radio "i mean i have literally just slept for about 12 hours and i look like crap"

"You look beautiful" he smiled down at me "even with your bed hair".

I playfully slapped his chest as we both started laughing, it was soon silent except for the radio as we just enjoyed being together.

"I've been all around the world, done all there is to do

But you'll always be the home I wanna come home to

You're a wild night with a hell of a view

There ain't no place, ain't no place like you

There ain't no place, ain't no place like you"

"I like this song" Chris smiled pressing a kiss to my forehead.

"Yeah me too" i said pushing my hands under his tshirt and running them up his back "so um, as nice as this is.... you planning on taking me to bed anytime soon?"

"Really?....."

"Yes! From the second i saw you walk in that door I've wanted you!"

"Oh god me too!" He quickly scooped me up into his arms and rushed to his bedroom.

The rest of the day was spent in bed, we finally showered around 10pm when my stomach was growling so loudly that it kinda ruined the mood. Chris took Dodger out for his evening walk while i ordered Chinese, i was not cooking this late!

I was in the kitchen getting the boxes of chinese food out of the bag when Chris got back.

"Just in time" i smiled over my shoulder as he walked into the kitchen.

"Smells amazing"

"You think? i thought it smelt a little weird.... you dont think this smells funny?" I asked holding out some pork chow mein, he took the box and sniffed at them before shaking his head.

"Smells fine to me"

"Really?"

"Yeah" he nodded "maybe its a pregnancy thing?"

"Hmmm maybe..... god i still cant believe im pregnant. Like, im growing a human right now.... how weird is that!"

Chris laughed throwing his head back, right hand holding his chest, yes the famous Chris Evans left boob grab laugh! "Its not weird at all sweetheart, people have babies everyday"

"I know that, its just weird that im having a baby" i shook my head "still doesnt feel real i guess"

"Well it is" he said pulling me into his arms "we can make an appointment for the doctor in the morning if that will make you feel better?"

"Yeah okay"

Chris pressed a quick kiss to my lips then passed me one of the chinese food boxes "Come on, you need to eat"

"Oh god Chris please keep those away from me" i turned away from them seeing the pork chow mein and grabbed the spare ribs "mmm these smell amazing"

"You better share woman!"

"You've got that nasty chow mein leave my ribs alone Evans" i laughed as i walked through to the living room.

"Come onnnn" he whined behind me.

"But the baby wants ribs" i pouted at him as i sat on the sofa getting comfy.

"God, fine! You can have the ribs" he sighed sitting next to me.

"Im just kidding! Of course i'll share with you...."

"Awww really?"

"Yeah of course.....you can have one"

"One??"

I burst out laughing as he grabbed me with one arm pulling me into his lap.

"Hey careful! Im gonna drop this all over your floor!"

"Lets just forget dinner and go back to bed, i like that idea more"

"I need food first, I'm starving! But we can go back to bed after i promise"

"Fine"

"I ordered extra ribs for you by the way, i knew you'd want some" i pecked his lips quickly before climbing off his lap and finally getting started on the ribs that smelt like the most amazing thing in the world.

"Hey do you have any pickles??" I turned to Chris

"What??.....pickles? Why do you want pickles... your eating chinese food"

"I really want pickles"

"Definitely a pregnancy thing" Chris muttered under his breath as he got up and headed back to the kitchen.

"Thank you!" I called out to him as i chuckled to myself, he really was the best.

@jennmurawski13

@mybabyboytony

@ms-betsy-fangirl

@vampgirl1997

@ajosieface

@afuckingshituniverse

@chmedic

[mollymauk-teafleak]

A very very happy Christmas to my lovely girlfriend @spiky-lesbian, I’m so lucky to have you, I hope you like this!

------

Being a father made Vax think of his mother.

Not that he didn’t think of her often already, whenever he’d heard the song she used to sing come on the radio around Midwinter, whenever he’d need something from the back of his closet and find the scarf she nearly always wore, whenever something small and fleeting would bring the grief rushing back so hard it would turn his airways to cement and he’d choke on it for days.

But now every time he’d hold his daughters close, feel them tuck up small and rest their little heads under his chin, every time their eyes would brighten when they saw him, every time they’d look for him when something scared them, he’d think of her. Of how she’d done this for him. Of how she’d felt the same intense rush of love, the dizzying sensation of knowing you’d do anything to protect them, the ache of the impermanence of it all when it had become your oxygen.

Vax thanked the gods for her every day. Without her, the living proof that it could be done, that such a deep and desperate love could be picked up and carried around every day, he had no idea how he would have managed.

Sometimes the thread was so strong in his mind, he could feel her next to him, the warmth she’d always seemed to radiate, the smell of clean cotton and soap. He could feel her hand on his shoulder when he’d sing her namesake back to sleep, whenever she’d fuss in the night, when he’d kiss the many bumps and bruises Johanna collected as she grew up.

He could feel her hand in his hair, fingers stroking through the strands like she used to do when she could sense something on his mind, when he realised he wanted another one.

That was how Frederickstein von Musel Klossowski De Rolo IV arrived, five years after his sisters.

A second child was different to the first. It was like dancing a dance you already knew the steps to but every so often the music would get faster or slower without warning and you’d put a foot wrong. But it was no less exciting, heartbreaking, joyous and exhausting in equal measures.

Now Freddy, nicknamed that way because Vax maintained a child didn’t need a name that took longer to say than they’d been alive, was just over two. He had big blue eyes like his papa and fluffy black curls like his daddy, he was shyer than his sister Johanna but loved to follow her around devotedly and he was in love with reading as his sister Elaina, who read to him every night.

Right now he was sat on the living room rug, the afternoon sun forming a warm little puddle of gold around him, burbling an approximation of an engine noise as he rolled a toy tractor back and forth.

Vax exhaled sadly, feeling that phantom hand on his shoulder again, “He isn’t going to like it.”

“No,” Percy sounded equally defeated beside him, “But he needs them or it will just keep being a problem for him. Damn the shitty eyesight genes in my family.”

Vax nudged him with an elbow, already well aware of where his husband’s mind would be, “This isn’t your fault.”

Percy gave a grunt that was neither assent nor refusal. He anxiously passed the long, thin box from hand to hand restlessly before starting into the room.

Freddy looked up when he heard them come in, smiling his adorable gap toothed smile, “Papa! Daddy!”

“Hello there, little man,” Percy knelt on the carpet beside him, “Got your tractor?”

“Yep!” Freddy waved it in one pudgy fist, “Playing farm.”

“That’s great,” Vax smiled softly, “Can we talk to you about something?”

Freddy seemed to sense the more grown up tone in his voice, looking up curiously, giving a little nod.

They’d noticed it in small ways. How Freddy never seemed sure who was coming into the room, how as a little baby he’d sob until he was picked up, only when held close seeing that it was his dads and he didn’t have anything to worry about. How he would screw his fists against his eyes until they were red. How he seemed unable to follow things when they moved in front of his eyes.

Pike had recommended a trip to the pediatrician who’d passed them on to an optician that specialised in infants. Freddy had seen it as a fun trip, he’d got to sit in a special chair and a nice drow man had asked him to look at a few things and then given him a treat.

And now they had to convince a two year old that was already sensitive to textures and sensations to wear a pair of glasses.

“We’ve got you a present,” Vax explained, taking the box from Percy, “A present that will help you.”

At the mention of a present, Freddy got excited, “Aminals for my farm?”

“Animals,” Percy corrected, smiling, thinking privately that if this didn't go well, a whole fleet of farm animals might be in order, “And no, this is something else. Lets try them on.”

The little blue glasses came on a rubbery band to stretch around his head and keep them in place. Almost as soon as they fixed in place, tucked in amongst his curls and over his slightly pointed ears, Freddy’s face crumpled.

“Don’t like them,” he mumbled, little fingers scrabbling at them.

“It’ll take some getting used to,” Percy looked fretful, his worst fear about this coming true in front of him, “But you’ll see…”

“No,” Freddy’s voice took on that dangerous, wobbly ‘I’m about to full on tantrum and there’s no avoiding it’ quality, “No, don’t like! Gone please. Gone please!”

“Hey, little bud, its okay,” Vax said softly, seeing the panic on his face.

Percy scrambles for something positive, “Love, look. I wear glasses, see? They’re not so bad once you get used to them and then we’ll match.” He reached behind his ears and made his own delicate, gold rimmed glasses bounce in the way that never failed to make them laugh when they were babies.

But Freddy seemed past even that, his rounded cheeks flushed red, upset and angry, “No. Don’t want to, don’t want to match!”

Percy clearly tried very hard not to look wounded at that, hands dropping to his sides and leaving his glasses sitting on his nose all wrong. He tried.

Vax winced internally and gently removed the glasses, “Okay, we’ll try wearing them for little bits at a time and help you get used to them, alright?”

Freddy pouted the way only a two year old could, sinking down into an angry little stormcloud of himself. Percy tried to reach out and bring him into a cuddle but he shrugged him off, mumbling a no under his breath.

Vax took Percy’s hand, knowing his husband would break throwing himself against that particular brick wall again and again. Handing him a problem, particularly an emotional one, with no solution but to wait, was like taking away his hands. So firmly but gently, he picked Percy up off the floor and took him back through to the kitchen.

“I...I hate when this happens,” he eventually mumbled miserably, once a steaming mug of tea had been put in his hands.

“When what happens?” Vax looked over his shoulder from where he was washing the spoon, “Our kids throw tantrums every five seconds practially?”

“No,” Percy groaned, “When they suddenly grow up so a hug isn’t enough to fix their problems any more. It happens so fast, just...just when your back is turned. And suddenly it’s not enough.”

Vax felt a tug deep in his chest and the faint impression of a hand on his shoulder that wasn’t really there. Of course he understood, of course he hated it too.

“Now don’t go all maudlin and philosophical on me,” he murmured, coming over and resting his head on Percy’s chest, wrapping his arms around his waist, “We knew this was going to be tricky but it’s nothing we’ve done wrong. We just have to try something new to help him.”

“Yeah…” Percy sat his mug on the counter behind him so he could throw himself into the embrace, clutching him the way he clearly needed to just for a moment.

And then Percy suddenly seemed to stiffen, like something had grabbed him. He disentangled himself and Vax saw that look in his eyes, the one he always got when he’d had an idea that would mean he’d be in his workshop for a while and reemerge probably with some new burns and cuts.

“I’ll be back in just a moment!” he gasped, heading, of course, down towards the door that had once led to the basement that was still cold, still damp, but was now his workshop.

Vax gave a bemused little laugh, shrugging and claiming Percy’s tea for his own. That happened so often he’d started adding more sugar to Percy’s drinks, enough to suit his taste rather than his husband’s.

Of course not being able to snap his fingers and fix every problem his children collected weighed on him, just like it did for Percy. Back when the girls were very young, he stressed himself to bits over every faded smile and skinned knee and bad mark on a piece of homework. But he’d learned over time, growing as his children did. That was a comforting thought; at least they were all in it together.

And eventually, as he’d hoped, there came the padding of small feet and a red eyed little Freddy appeared in the doorway, clutching his tractor.

“Hi daddy,” he cheeped, a little sadly.

“Hello, little buddy,” Vax smiled, holding out an arm so Freddy could waddle closer and rest his head against his daddy’s knee, like he loved to do, “Feeling better?”

“Mm,” he felt a little nod, “Don’t like them, daddy.”

Vax didn’t have to ask what he meant, “I know, Freddy, I know. I’d never ask if it wasn’t really important but they really will help you. Can you be a big, brave boy for me and try to make it work?”

“Girls don’t have to,” Freddy mumbled bitterly.

“Yeah,” Vax sighed, knowing the unfairness of that would be hard to explain, “Your eyes just need a little help. Like daddy’s.”

Freddy made a frustrated little noise, “Don’t look like daddy’s. Stupid glasses.”

“Now where did you learn to curse like that, little man?” Vax had to laugh, his righteous anger was just too adorable.

Thankfully, he was saved from having to explain what curses were by Percy crashing back into the kitchen, looking a little haggard, like he’d been moving at a hundred miles an hour for a good while.

“Freddy!” the mania melted off his face when he saw his son, “Look what I made!”

Freddy looked delightedly curious, he loved to see what his papa made in his workshop, “Something for me?”

“Kind of,” Percy knelt down and smiled hopefully.

What was in his hands was what clearly used to be his spare pair of glasses. But now they looked very different. A large, thick strip of leather had been hastily attached to them with metal clasps, in place of the usual arms, sized perfectly so it would fit around Percy’s head.

In short, a perfect approximation of Freddy’s glasses, made for an adult.

Percy whipped off his usual pair and attached his new, modified ones, fitting them to his head. Vax had to swallow hard so any sobs that would very much ruin the moment stayed firmly in his throat.

Freddy’s eyes were wide and delighted, “We...we match!”

“Yeah,” Percy’s face split into a wide grin, “We match, love.”

If there was anyone who was good at finding new solutions, interesting ways around problems, it was his husband, Vax thought proudly. He felt that phantom hand on his shoulder squeeze and he smiled softly.

He didn’t have his mother anymore. But he had Percy, and that was everything.