#i read books and transcripts and god

[mississpissi]

how is a girl supposed to sleep when all she can think about is carlos. and janet lubelle. and mostly carlos but also a lot about janet. and her voice. and his trauma. do u see my problem here?

[flash-the-readies]

My memes class is going to revitalise my Pink Floyd obsession. I get to spend hours analysing language usage in r/PinkFloydCircleJerk. I am winning

[regicidal-defenestration]

[ID: A youtube screenshot, showing a video from Facts Verse titled Bizarre Pirate Traditions You Didn't Know About. The thumbnail has two images, one is a sketch of a pirate, glaring at the viewer, and the other is of a pirate baring her breast at the man she attacks. End ID]

This popped up on my youtube recommended and it annoyed me so much I couldn't bring myself to watch it. What are your sources. If it's a commonly repeated story with no real foundation I'm judging you, if you've taken Johnson's General History of Pyrates as fully truthful and accurate I'm judging you even more and if it's that one woodcut of Anne Bonny from the one Dutch version of the General History you might as well delete your channel now

[whatsnewalycat]

RUTHLESS

Stepdad Joel Miller x Reader

Rating: Explicit (18+ ONLY)

Word Count: 5.1k+

Warnings: DDDNE, literally just a fucked up stepdad/mom's bf fantasy, could read "mom" as tess but I don't name her or assign physical features to her or reader, post-outbreak, reader is def over 18 but not by much so yeah age gap, NON-CONSENSUAL, power imbalance, unethical d/s dynamic, slapping, spanking, punishment, orgasm delay/denial, humiliation, degradation, face fucking, anal sex, little to no aftercare

A/N: Category is "That old man would fucking never... but if he did..." Please be mindful of the warnings and don't read if it might trigger you. Sorry, mom. Sorry, God.

[ my masterlist ] [ taglist ] [ AO3 ]

------

Within the secluded world of your big noise-canceling headphones, you scan through silence on the CB radio, pausing for a few seconds on each channel before moving on to the next. 

Channel 11: Nothing. 

Channel 12: Zilch. 

Channel 13: Nada. 

When you turn the dial to channel 14, though, you pick up chatter and start transcribing. 

Channel 14 7/17/22 19:56

—got a bundle of carrots today. Budaydas, onions, too. Want me to come by tomorrow and make some stew? Over. 

Got enough for the kids? Over. 

And leftovers. Over. 

I’ll be at Margie’s around supper time. Over and out. 

The air goes silent.

After a minute goes by with no follow up transmissions, you glance at the clock. 7:58. Almost time for check-in. 

You tune the radio to channel 32 and review your transcription. 

Many people speak in code, encrypting their messages in seemingly benign conversations. To the untrained ear, they’re normal exchanges, people making small talk about jobs and rations and kids. Goodnight calls and check-ins that use predictable inquiries to convey messages. 

—got a bundle of carrots today. Budaydas, onions, too. Want me to come by tomorrow and make some stew?

Most of it you can translate from memory. The drug traffickers that use channel 14 have frequented the same lingo for years. Likely because of the high turnover rate of personnel. There’s less confusion that way. Confusion in communication raises more alarm bells for eavesdroppers than using the same code words across the board. 

You flip through your cipher for channel 14, searching for budaydas, but find nothing. Scrunching your nose up, you say the word out loud, “Budaydas. Buh-day-das.” 

Carrots, onions, budaydas in a stew. 

“Oh,” you nod in understanding, then jot down your translation, muttering under your breath, “Fucking Boston accents.” 

(Someone) picked up tranquilizers, benzos (budaydas = potatoes), and opioids. The caller wants to meet up and trade as previously agreed. 

The rest of it is easy enough to interpret without the use of a cipher. You probably don’t need to write down the translation, but do it in case your mom or Joel need to reference the notes at a later date. 

There’s enough to distribute product across their network of dealers in Boston QZ, plus more to stockpile. They’ll meet at their hub in Area 1, Margaret St, at midnight. 

You exhale through slack lips, glancing at the clock as it ticks over to 8:00, then pick up the microphone and hold down the speak button. 

“Radio check.” 

A few seconds go by before you hear a familiar gruff voice crackle over the radio waves into your ears, “Loud and clear. Over.”

Your nostrils flare when you hear him. Joel Miller. The bane of your existence. Your de facto stepfather, only because you don’t really remember life without him by your mom’s side. 

This isn’t to say he’s a father figure to you by any means. The two of you never shared the kind of heartwarming paternal bonding moments you read about in books. That would require warmth and vulnerability, which he distinctly lacks. 

Once, when you were maybe 11 or 12, you made the mistake of calling him Dad. The way he looked at you made you feel like dirt. Fire burning behind his dark eyes, he corrected you with one stern syllable that taught you your place: “Joel.” 

You sit up straighter and take a moment to gather yourself before responding. 

“Did you get your message from Uncle Paul? Over.”

“I did. Over.” 

“How’s the weather in Kansas City? Over.” 

“Cloudy. Over.” 

Fuck. 

You swallow around nothing, then clear your throat and ask, “And Grandma, how’s she? Over.”

“Fine, just busy is all.”

You exhale a sigh of relief that melts the tension between your shoulders. Joel continues. 

“Anything new with you? Over.” 

Tapping your fingers on your notes, you answer, “Rumor has it the market is gonna be busy tomorrow. Harvesting time, I guess. Other than that, same old same old. What about you? Staying out of trouble? Over.”

It feels strange, having a casual conversation with him like this. Even if it’s just a data exchange dressed up as a casual conversation. 

There’s a long pause, then he says, “Fine, yeah. Well. See you soon. Over ‘n’ out.” 

Stiff as a board. Cold as ice. Joel Miller, everyone. Round of applause. 

You snort, rolling your eyes as you unplug the headphones and toss them on the table. It takes a moment for you to re-acclimate to your surroundings. 

The dingy two-bedroom apartment is quiet and still. Outside, the setting sun casts the world in a dark golden haze. A FEDRA patrol vehicle roars down the street, broadcasting the curfew alert from a loudspeaker. Faint shouting from a few units down momentarily piques your curiosity before you decide it’s none of your business. 

You stand from the chair and reach your hands above your head, lungs expanding in a powerful yawn, then take a lap around the apartment to stretch your legs. 

Something catches your eye when you walk by the entry. A note slipped under the doorframe. On the outer fold, your name is written in a familiar scrawl. 

Your heart skips a beat. 

You pick it up and unfold the paper, revealing an invitation. 

I miss you. Come over when you’re done surfing the airwaves. XO, Bert. 

Warmth trickles down between your thighs. A smile spreads across your face. You glance up at the door, then to the CB radio and scanner on the desk. 

Indecision churns in your belly. 

You are explicitly forbidden from leaving the apartment while your mom and Joel are out on runs. A safety precaution you’ve protested dozens of times to no avail. They expect you to stay put and warn them if you notice any signs of potential danger. In return, you receive a cut of the profit and a roof over your head. Security, in short. Which is more than most could say. 

That being said… You break this rule from time to time, when the circumstances allow. 

Like when the Fireflies and FEDRA have been quiet for weeks and there are no smoke signals in sight. Like when you’re five nights into a seven day seclusion and think you might die of boredom if you don’t get the fuck out of here. Like when your boyfriend slips a note under the door and asks you to come over. 

You look down at the paper in your hands, re-reading the words I miss you. 

Fuck it, what’s the worst that could happen? 

—

Just before midnight, you wander down the hallway to your unit, jelly knees wobbling with each step. As you absentmindedly trace your tingling lips, still puffy from kissing, you unlock the door and push it open, then frown. 

The lights are on. 

They were off when you left, you’re sure of it. When you step further into the apartment, your foot catches on something. A backpack. This faint buzzing starts behind your ears as you blink at it, wishing it would go away.

Motherfu—

“Where the fuck have you been?” 

Your stomach plummets to the floor when you hear his voice. A thick knot of panic tightens around your windpipe as you look up to find Joel standing just a few paces away in the living room. 

He stares you down, dark eyes glowing with fury, and questions you again, “Where were you?” 

“N-nowhere.” 

The blatant lie sits sour on your tongue. His lips purse, so you fumble out another, “I went for a walk.” 

“A walk,” he repeats, tone disbelieving, “You went on a walk after curfew wearing that?” 

You look down at your clothing. A short skirt and tank top. Your throat bobs in a guilty gulp, then you meet his eyes again and nod. 

“And when did you leave on this ‘walk?’”

Your mind whirs as you try to come up with an answer. It feels like a trap. You try to calculate an answer that will provide minimal blowback. 

“I don’t know, maybe twenty minutes ago?” 

“Try again.” 

The electricity humming through you takes on a red, frustrated edge, and you snip, “I don’t fucking know, dude. It was a while ago, I wasn’t paying attention. Where’s my mom?” 

“Your mom sent me here to make sure you were alive,” he says pointedly, taking slow, deliberate steps towards you, “We’ve been tryin’a reach you for three hours. I got here an hour ago. That’s a helluva lot longer than twenty minutes, ain’t it?” 

Shrinking into yourself, you search his face. Jaw set, eyes boring into yours. Waves of anger roll off him as he approaches, and you remember all those rumors you heard about him on the radio. The fear you heard in grown men’s voices when they recounted run-ins with that bitch and her guard dog. 

You remember what Bert said about him: He’s fucking ruthless.

“You aren’t supposed to leave the apartment when we’re outside the QZ.” 

“I know.” 

“Then why did you?” 

Your heart thuds against your ribcage. 

Joel has never directed this kind of outright anger towards you. Sternness, sure. Contempt, maybe. But this is different. You’re in fucking trouble. 

There has to be a way out of this conversation.

You drop your gaze to the floor and ask, “Is my mom ok? Did something happen to her?”

“Don’t change the subject.” 

Righteous indignation straightens your spine and wills you to meet his eyes again, “I’m not saying shit until you tell me what happened to her.” 

“She sprained her ankle, but she’s fine. She’s safe,” he tells you, then takes another step forward, “Why did you leave?” 

You respond by rolling your eyes. 

“Answer the question.” 

With an irritated sigh, you search his face, then tell him, “You don’t know what it’s like to be here. Isolated for days or weeks at a time. I fucking hate it. It’s so lonely and boring, I feel like I’m losing my mind—”

“Oh, cry me a goddamn river.” 

You scowl at him, staring him down, “Fuck you.” 

“Watch your fucking mouth, you disrespectful little shit.” 

Red flashes through your field of vision, hot and angry and defiant. You gather the moisture in your mouth on your tongue and spit at him. It splats on his cheek. 

His face twists up with fury for one second before he charges, closing the distance between you. The impact pushes your back to the door with a thud. 

He grabs your jaw, fingers digging hard into the soft flesh of your cheeks. His eyes are hot coals, burning into you. The muscles in his jaw twitch, nostrils flaring, breath shaky. 

When he speaks, it’s through gritted teeth, “You don’t know what it’s like out there.” 

“No, because you won’t let me fucking leave—”

“You should be fucking grateful, you know that? Being here is a fucking cake walk. Your mom ‘n’ I have seen things, done things—horrible things you couldn’t even imagine,” he husks, searching your face, grip tightening so hard it makes you whine. “We keep you safe, and all we ask is that you stay put and keep a lookout for us when we’re gone.” 

Even if you wanted to respond, you can’t. The vice grip he has on your face renders your mouth immobile. 

All you can do is stare back at him, studying his furrowed brow and clenched jaw. Full lips pinched thin as he glowers at you. 

You notice how close his broad body is to yours. The heat radiating off his tightly-wound muscles onto your skin. His ragged breath scatters across your face and wafts into your open mouth. You taste the bootleg whiskey on his breath and your pulse jumps. 

Warmth drips down your spine and pools at the center of you, a horrifying sensation that makes you squirm.

“Were you with your little boyfriend? Hmm?” he asks, eyes darting around your face, trailing down to your body for a moment before returning, “That boy downstairs? Figure you musta been, on account of how you’re dressed.” 

You don’t say anything. You can’t. But it doesn’t matter, because it’s not really a question. 

“Abandoning your post to go out and get fucked, is that it?” 

A whimper slips from your throat as heat swells beneath your skin. 

He wouldn’t be treating you like this if your mom was here. He wouldn’t say these things or be this close to you. Knowing this, you understand that whatever is happening right now is wrong. 

You also understand that you like it. 

You hate that you like it, and hate him for making you like it, but you like it all the same. 

Letting go of your face, he demands, “Answer me.” 

“Fuck you.” 

Before you even realize what’s happening, you feel a sharp, hot sting on your cheek and yelp.

He fucking slapped you. 

“Wrong answer.” 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” you retort, bringing your hand to the welt forming on your cheek, “I’m gonna tell her.” 

“Yeah? You gonna tell her I found you sneaking in at midnight, too? That you compromised our safety to go out ‘n’ get dicked down?” 

You harden your gaze on him, lips pressing together with disdain. 

“She wouldn’t like that, would she?” he asks, the smallest smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth, “She’d probably kick you out on your ass.” 

“She wouldn’t. You guys need me.” 

“And you need us,” he counters, searching your face, “So what do we do to make sure this doesn’t happen again? Hmm?” 

A dozen inappropriate images flash through your head, each more lurid than the last. An electric, tingling feeling shoots out from the base of your spine and works through your extremities. 

You swallow hard and shake your head, “I won’t do it again.” 

“If I don’t punish you, you will. You’re fucking disrespectful. Selfish. You need discipline.” 

Again, a flash of frustration taints the world red. Crossing your arms over your chest, you scoff, “Just because you’re fucking my mom doesn’t mean you’re my dad. I am an adult and you are not the boss of me.” 

He sighs and takes a step back, planting his hands on his hips. His gaze drifts around the empty apartment, jaw gnashing back and forth for a moment before he returns to twist the deadbolt closed and grab your arm. 

“What the f—” you swat at him and dig your heels into the floor, but it does nothing as he drags you by his steel grip, pulling you stumbling along behind him into the living room. 

He sits on the couch and forces you to lay over his bent knees, one big hand securing your wrists behind your back while the other flattens against the swell of your ass cheek. As soon his touch leaves, it returns, a sharp snap tingling across your skin. 

Shocked doesn’t even begin to describe the chaos throbbing through you. 

“You’re right, you’re an adult. And I’m not your dad,” he asserts, lifting his hand. Your whole body clenches in anticipation. “But as long as you live here, I am the fucking boss of you,” he slaps your ass again, “Do you understand me?” 

It surprises you when you hear yourself sob, “I’m sorry—”

He does it again and again, hissing, “Yeah, you’re fucking sorry now, aren’t you?” 

Each firm slap he lays down is firm, unflinching. Ruthless. 

It overwhelms your senses and becomes the only thing you feel. The universe world narrows down to just his palm on your skin. The reliable and exquisite pain ringing through you. Smack. Smack. Smack. 

Every time he draws his hand back, you don’t think you can handle it again. But you do. 

Soon, you start to crave the impact. His skin on your skin. You can’t feel the start or end of it. It’s just him and you. Pain and pleasure. Sobs and moans, all blended together. 

Far away, you hear him chide you for not wearing underwear beneath your skirt. Then he asks, “Are you fucking enjoying this?” 

Too ashamed to admit it, all you do is whimper in response.

Smack. 

He sucks in breath through his teeth, then grabs the meat of your ass and rumbles, “You do, don’t you?” 

When his grasp on your wrists releases, you pull your elbows beneath you and look over your shoulder at him, watching as he spreads your cheeks apart and stares down between your legs. You’re probably shiny and wet with the evidence of your desire. 

His lips form an ‘o’ when he kneads you back together and spreads you apart again. The motion teases all your hungry nerves and makes you moan. It feels so fucking good. 

You realize then that he’s grown stiff against your belly, hard cock leaving no mistake. 

“You fucking like it, too, don’t you?” you ask him, your voice breathy and amused, “I can feel how turned on you are.” 

Slipping a hand between your bodies, you press against his strained zipper. His cock jumps at the contact, and he groans, dragging his fingers through your slick lips. 

“Oh my god,” you gasp, eyes fluttering closed as you nod in approval. He works your clit in steady, firm circles while you smooth your hand along the big bulge in his pants, letting out a string of whines at the bubbling pleasure inside you. 

You lose yourselves here, both of you squirming and panting and petting the other. So wrapped up with how fucking good it feels that you forget to feel ashamed. 

When he smacks your ass now, you croak through clenched teeth, “Fuck yes.”

He likes that you like it. You can tell by the way he groans and throbs beneath you. This knowledge inspires your pulse to pound and your muscles to tense. 

“Joel,“ you whimper, opening your eyes to meet his heavy-lidded gaze, “I’m gonna fucking come, don’t stop—”

“Did I give you permission to do that?” he asks, slowing his touch to a torturous rhythm, “Did I say you could come?” 

You shake your head and whine, “Please, Joel, please—”

“Are you sorry for what you did?” 

“I’m sorry—”

“Are you gonna do it again?”

“No no no, I won’t, I promise, I’ll be a good girl—”

He groans, tossing his head back as you frantically rub at the bulge in his pants. Your palm chafes against the stiff denim, but you don’t stop. You would do this for eternity if it meant he’d let you find your release. 

“Oh yeah, you’ll be a good fucking girl for me?” he asks, touching you just soft and slow enough to twist your nerves ragged, but keep your orgasm out of reach. 

“I will, I promise. Please, Joel,” you whisper, holding his gaze as your face gets all hot, “Please make me come, please please—”

“Show me you mean it.” 

He doesn’t need to explain what he means. While he takes off his jeans, you scramble off his lap and kneel between his spread knees. His eyes stay glued to yours as you slide your hands up his thighs. 

Batting your lashes at him, you wrap your lips around his swollen cock. He fills your mouth. He feels smooth but hard against your tongue. He tastes salty and heady and when you inhale the musk of him, you moan around his girth. 

Nodding, he anchors his grip behind your head and bucks his hips, forcing his dick down your throat. When you gag, he doesn’t let up, but thrusts into the sensation, grunting, “Fuck. Yes,” before letting you pull off, gasping for air.

You wrap your hands around him, all shiny and slick with drool, and pump his length for a moment while you catch your breath, then take him in your mouth again. 

This time, you sit up taller. You relish the stretch of your lips as you bob up and down. Savor the tug of his fingers curled tight in your hair. Memorize the sound of his huffs and grunts as he fucks your face. The wet squelching gurgle of his cock squeezing down your windpipe. 

“Look at me,” he orders, so you do. 

He’s all blurred from your watering eyes, but you can make out the dark irises and stay locked onto them while relaxing the muscles of your throat to take him easier. When you make an enthusiastic humming noise, he groans. It’s wanton and lusty and lights a fire in your belly. 

Joel has never treated you this hard or soft. His regard for you has always been callous. Closed-off. Indifferent. With your assistance on the radio, he treated you like a tool for survival. Before that, or even in-between smuggling runs, he treated you like some kind of a household pet he had little regard for. Your mom’s responsibility, never his. 

For years and years, you ached for more. 

When you were younger, you used to sit up nights and wonder if he’d ever consider you his daughter. He wouldn’t, though. He won’t. 

But this is something. 

Distinctly, you want to please him. Be the best he ever had. You want to sink your claws into his brain and leave your mark for years to come. You want him to look at you after this and feel a flicker of desire and self-loathing. You want him to think of you when he fucks your mom. You want him to hate how you made him feel. 

When you pull off him and start to work his soaked length with your hands, you pant, “Does that feel good? Am I doing a good job sucking your cock?” 

“It’s good,” he nods, lets out a groan that pinches his eyes shut, then meets your gaze again, “So fucking good, Jesus Christ. Is this what you were out doing tonight? Sucking cock?” 

“Not tonight.” 

“But he fucked you, didn’t he? That boy?” 

You nod, stroking him slower. His eyelids flutter. 

“Did he fuck your pussy or your ass?” 

The question sends a jolt through your middle. You recall the sex you had with Bert. Barely an hour has gone by since he pulled out of your cunt to shoot his load on the mattress, but it feels like a lifetime ago. 

“My pussy,” you answer, then gather a thick, hot wad of saliva on your tongue and spit on his cock. You spread it with a slow churning motion, watching Joel’s face twist up with pleasure. 

“Were you bein’ smart about it at least?” he asks, studying you, “We don’t need you getting knocked up.” 

“He pulled out,” you shrug. 

He grunts in acknowledgment, then sits up and pulls on your arm to join him on the couch, “C’mere.” 

You follow his guidance, lying back on the cushions as he strips off his shirt. 

The only times you’ve seen him shirtless were accidental and slightly embarrassing for both of you. But now, you notice how his smooth chest glows in the dim light. Now, when you drink in the sight of his big arms and broad shoulders, heat bubbles up your spine.

While you pull your tank top off over your head, he tugs your skirt down your thighs, asking, “You ever taken it up the ass?” 

You shake your head. 

His eyebrows jump a little like he’s surprised. A sadistic kind of smirk plays across his lips as he pushes your knees up to your chest, then spreads you apart, the head of him nudging at your backdoor. 

He doesn’t ask for permission. He doesn’t ask if you want it this way, or if you want him to be the first. He doesn’t even warn you about the initial shock and pain you experience when he rocks his hips forward and breaches the tight hole. 

You yelp and try to lurch away from the sharp pain, but he grabs you and holds you there. 

Sitting up on your elbows, you cry, “That fucking hurts, Joel.”

“Wouldn’t be much of a punishment if it didn’t hurt a little, would it?” he murmurs, disinterested, watching your asshole stretch to accommodate the head of his cock. 

The sensation is overwhelming. Like being stabbed or split open. At first, you hate it. You sputter and gasp and shake your head as he pushes himself in further and further. 

Then he pauses the invasion, releasing his steel grip on you to tilt your chin up and meet his gaze, “Just relax.”

His eyes burn into yours, making your pulse jump. You bear witness to his heaving chest and parted lips and feel him twitch inside you. Sparks sizzle across your body, but you still scowl at him. 

“It hurts, I don’t like it.“ 

“It’ll get better, you just gotta relax,” he coaches.

“Why can’t we just have normal sex?”

He grunts, thinks about it for a moment, then tells you, “First off, this is not normal sex,” he points between your chest and his, “This will not be a normal thing, you understand?” 

It stings a little, if you’re being honest. But you nod, “I understand.” 

Nodding, he licks his lips. He throbs inside you, hips jerking a little in reaction. This time, the friction feels good enough to make you whimper. 

“Second, we don’t need another mouth to feed around here,” he says, searching your face, “We’re stretched thin enough as is. You know what I mean?”

“But if you—”

“Pulling out can still stick. This way’s tried and true, trust me.” 

“Trust you,” you scoff under your breath and roll your eyes. 

“What’s that?” 

You meet his hardened gaze, feeling emboldened enough to ask, “Do you fuck my mom in the ass?” 

“That’s none of your business,” he warns. 

“So, what, you can interrogate me about my sex life, but I can’t do the same?” 

“That’s right,” he barks, “Know why?” 

In response, you glare at him. 

He takes this moment of bitter silence to drag his knuckles up your slick, swollen lips. The light touch branches out beneath your skin and makes your heart pound. You gasp a little, but try to hide it. He clocks it immediately. 

“There we go,” he murmurs under his breath, almost as an aside, smoothing the pad of his thumb in soft circles on your clit. Pleasure churns beneath the touch, hot and hungry for more. When you whimper, Joel’s eyes go wild for a second, then he says, “I am the fucking boss of you, understand?” 

You swallow a moan as he arches forward and starts to roll his hips. It feels better now. Good. Fucking amazing, almost. Electric and gooey. He fills you so completely with each thrust, you wonder how you can even breathe. 

“So if I tell you to be home, that’s where you’ll be. If I ask you where you’ve been, who you were with, what you were doing—you tell me the truth. Understand?” 

Nodding, you gasp, “I understand.” 

“You don’t get to ask me about your mom. You don’t tell your mom. You don’t sneak out to go get fucked by some boy who doesn’t even know what to do with you—”

“Holy shit, Joel I’m gonna—” you gasp at the pressure building at the base of your spine, spreading thick and hot and delicious across your body. 

“And you don’t come without my fucking permission. Understand?” 

“I understand I understand,” you cry, literal tears burning behind your eyes at the ache of trying to keep the ecstasy at bay, “Please can I come, please please please—”

“Are you sorry?” 

“I’m sorry, I’ll never do it again—”

“That’s right, you’ll never fucking do it again. Why’s that?”

“You’re the boss,” you beg, your voice so raw and pleading it sounds foreign. He pounds into you now, a wet slap that echoes off the apartment walls. It takes all your concentration to keep your pleasure contained, to not spill over the edges, but you hear yourself babble somewhere far away. 

“You’re the fucking boss. I’m sorry I’m sorry I won’t disobey you again I’ll be a good girl I’ll do anything just please give me permission to come daddy please please please—”

When he moans, loud and depraved, it just about breaks you, but you manage to keep your resolve long enough for him to pant, “Go ahead, let it go.” 

With a choked sob, you untether your pleasure and allow it to expand, growing hot and wide and unlike anything you’ve ever felt. Every muscle in your body tenses up as the sensation swallows you whole, then spits you back up, sending wave after wave across your body.

“That’s it, that’s a good girl,” he grunts, taking his hand from your clit to hold your knees down and fuck your ass hard and fast and ruthless.

It surprises you when heat starts stretching out from the middle of you again. Your heart starts to race as the feeling grows. 

“Ffffuuuuck,” you whimper, “That feels so fucking good—”

“I told you, didn’t I?” 

“You did you did holy shit,” you meet his eyes and nod frantically, “I love it I love it—please can you come in my ass?” 

“Is that what you want? Want me to come in your tight little asshole?” 

A feral noise escapes you, and you sob, “Yes—”

“Do you wanna come too?”

“Yes—oh my god, yes, please please please daddy—”

“Come with me, baby.”

You let the feeling overtake you again, gasping out, “thank you thank you thank you,” as it takes you strong and fast. Pleasure pulses through your body, causing you to convulse and strain against Joel’s grip spreading you open. He releases a moan from his belly and gives you a hard, deep thrust that he holds for a shuddering moment. After emptying himself inside you, he pulls out, falling back to his seat on the couch. 

Chest heaving, you prop yourself up on your elbows and study him. He pinches his eyes shut and catches his breath before meeting your gaze again. 

His expression goes soft long enough for something dangerous to flicker between you. 

Then he turns away and starts getting dressed. 

“Get yourself together, I’m gonna go get your mom.” 

As you sit up, you fold your legs into your body and watch him button his shirt. 

“Joel—”

He looks at you, searching your face expectantly, but your brain goes static and you’re not even sure what you were going to say. 

“This stays between us, understand?” 

His tone is firm but gentle. You swallow hard and nod, “I understand.” 

Nodding, he glances down at your lips, then back to your eyes. He rises to his feet to leave, but before he does, he leans down to press a kiss into your forehead. 

“Good girl.” 

[ NEXT PART ]

[angel-maybe-alive]

Retelings cliches that piss me the fuck off

♡Alice in Wonderland is about drugs - it could be about society, it could be about neurodivergency but no, white girl doing LSD is cooler, I guess.

♡ what if Superman was evil - then it wouldn't be Superman dumbass, like the main point of Superman is that he is a good person like it's the whole deal hyperpowerful but really good

♡actually any what if the heroes had no morals- then you are just doing Greek myths with extra steps

♡Romeo and Juliet, but one is an oppressor and the other the oppressed - Litterally, both families were in equal standing in society. Why you need to make it abusive for no reason.

♡Beauty and the beast, any reteling of beauty and the beast - no, it's not Stockholm syndrome, no a shapeshifter elf with abs doesn't count as a Beast, and Belle was a nice person In the original why everyone remakes her as a cunt.

♡my book it's just like the hunger games but...-Shut it I need you to please tell me if you understand that no, hunger games isnt just about reality television and a battle royale, I swear to God...

♡Pinocchio but it's about a robot- flower print for spring groundbreaking

♡it's inspired by the works of tolkien- no, it's a transcript of you and your group of only male friends playing dungeons and dragons while high on cheap weed at 03:00 am on the suburbs while listening to pop punk on MTV in 2003, we get it you want to bang a hot elven maiden and slain a dragon

♡is inspired by Harry potter- For the last fucking time Rowling doesn't own the concept of magic schools let go of those fucking chains and let this woman go it's a magic school book just call it that goddamn it

♡it's inspired by fairy tales - Disney version or the cultural ones because one way or the other, your childhood crush on an animated villain shouldn't be the only thing fueling your writing career.

♡it's about Greek gods...-*sigh* I don't even know where to start with those just read something other than Percy Jackson(I love percy Jackson by the way) Lore Olympus and the first page of Wikipedia on Greek mythology and then maybe spend a long time thinking if whatever you are planning to write isn't somehow more misogynistic than whatever the fuck an old Greek scholar wrote thousands of years ago okay.

♡what if (real life bigotry) was reverse - just don't for a first time writing, for someone in a privileged place in society, it's just a bad idea altogether, Dont

[baldursyourgate]

Transcript of "Baldur's Gate 3 Interview [Emma Gregory] Minthara Voice Actress" by Skycaptin5 on YouTube

What I did: cleaned up filler words (um and ah), repeated words due to automated captioning, and added punctuation.

Purpose: providing an easier point of reference.

Q: A staple I do in all interviews in order to start things off, is to ask that you elaborate a bit about your work, and this particular role for those not familiar with it.

A: Hi, my name is Emma Gregory and I play Minthara in Baldur's Gate 3. I've been an actor for a long time: I come from very much a theatre background, I've done a lot of theatre and a bit 'telly, and a lot of voice work. I do lots of audio books, for example and games and lots and lots of things but I've done a lot of big theatre like Shakespeare for the Royal Shakespeare company and West End theatre, and all that sort of thing. I absolutely love it and I love playing Minthara too. She was a great challenge, Minthara's situation in Baldur's Gate 3.

Q: In Baldur's Gate 3, you provide the performance for Minthara. Could you tell us a bit about the character and the situation she finds herself in?

A: Well it depends on which path you go down. There are millions of paths in Baldur's Gate 3. Minthara is a drow from Menzoberranzan comes from the sort of leading family of house Baenre in Menzoberranzan. She finds herself in a situation in Baldur's Gate 3 where she has been lured into the cult of the Absolute by Orin, who she has quite a backstory with. She has been brainwashed and in the game you can choose to recruit her and rescue her from the Cult of the Absolute. (...)

She is a very paranoid character, very set in her ways and finds it extremely difficult to trust people; but through the course of the game, she comes from sort of quite a chaotic background of not knowing what she was doing because she was brainwashed into then being... hopefully if you guys recruit her, being part of the party and companions, that she learns to discover she needs in many ways, because she is an exile from Menzoberranzan and having given up the worship of Lolth who is the god of where she comes from. So she finds herself an outcast, once she's not part of the absolute so she finds that she needs the companions in many respects, but of course what she would like them to do is to take over the world you know and have her rule it in many respects, possibly.

I don't want to spoil it for people who haven't played yet but I guess she's one of those characters that people might come to a little later. She is... she has a sort of reputation of being quite brutal, and she is a brutal character. One of the amazing things about her is that if you rescue her, she sorts of... once she's in the party sort of says, well you know? "Why would you do that why would you leave your enemy alive why would you not kill them?" because for her, things are very linear you know? You get rid of enemies and that's it. So she's quite interested in the fact that they've and challenges them to say well you kill when I kill it's for a purpose why are you killing? I know why I kill and I have a very clear purpose about it and I kill my enemies and that's it. They're eradicated but why, why are you doing it? So she questions the party and makes them think which I think is rather good and then also...

I'm giving you a very long-winded answer Jason, but this is her. This is the complexity of Minthara which is wonderful to play, and I hope that people really enjoy discovering her that she's not just a killing machine... she is that but there is much more to her, many more layers I think and reasons for why she is who she is.

Considering where she comes from and her upbringing which any DnD fans can read around, her background is quite brutal, so yeah.

So in the course of the game, it's interesting to see how she learns to trust people, always for a purpose and what she wants of course but there is an arc, a journey for her.

Q: When preparing to perform as Minthara, were you given any initial direction in regard to the character, just in terms of an example of prep work to get into the mindset of this particular performance?

A: No. I mean obviously it was given a little bit of background about the story, but not too much. I was told of qualities of the character by the studio, and the sort of type of voice and things that they were looking for and then the rest of it, I pretty much got from the lines I was given.

I mean I'm guided by a director obviously who I've been living with Minthara for four years so uh that's a long time to make her grow and create her; and I also had the benefit of having the most wonderful writer in Adam Smith, who's the lead writer at Larian Studios and he created between us...

We'd never met and it was quite interesting. Over the four years we'd never met at all, but we did this sort of sort of dance, where you know, I would give him an interpretation of his lines and he would take that and go "oh wow okay let's go down this path with her", you know and so between us we developed someone who we feel is very complex and layered, which is great.

We were given wonderful free reign with them as well as keeping within the storyline and what needed to be achieved, but we were very much given as actors which Larian is so wonderful at doing... They trust their actors, and you know, you're given the role for a reason, which is your ability to play it and they trust you in that. And that means as an actor you're very free, because you can bring ideas to the table as well, and for the character and that's a beautiful thing so as Minthara.

Q: You've mentioned your character goes through a bit of a positional shift as the narrative progresses you know, obviously for running the goblins to then stuff happens. Did that adjustment in your character's role impact how you approach the voice performance for the character?

A: Yes, very much so, and because it was also Al motion capture where you're, you know, you're literally in a bodysuit. And you got sensors all over you, and you're so you're able to really fully physically explore the character as well. Which I believe, you should do anyway in all voice work because it's not just acting from the throat upwards.

It's like any acting, you get into the character that you're playing, and you feel that physically because then that determines your breath and how you live and breathe the character, and that's got to come from your whole body, your whole soul.

You know with Minthara I very much felt there was a journey with her vocally. I made a decision, I suppose which... I guess everyone backed because nobody told me not to do it, but she's quite staccato in her vocal delivery and I think that very much emphasizes and shows her lack of emotional centeredness if you like.

She's not someone who delves into emotions very often, and yet, she's a very emotional character. She keeps it like a pressure cooker I guess... but I discovered as well that along with that staccato kind of delivery, there was a sort of shift we found in in movement and voice between when she's under the influence of the absolute and when she's then freed from that, and I think it's interesting for her to explore how that freezes up vocally a little bit.

Maybe not quite so tight in the throat once she was freed, you know, learning to relax a little bit, as much as Minthara can. So yeah there was a nice shifting slightly of Minthara, just slightly. I hesitate to use the word softening, but yes, softening a little bit, softening the edges a little bit vocally and physically once she's gone through that journey of being not brainwashed and discovering who she is again.

You know yeah, I thought that was actually really interesting in the game because she comes off as very... You know dark, intense, and then immediately once that's gone, I was kind of like okay there's a lot more under the surface.

Yeah I mean she'll always be dark and intense, she is, in inverted commas, an "evil character", she's not to sit and you know talk about fluffy kittens.

You know but actually she might! She quite likes animals. But she does definitely go on a journey of finding out that she needs allies. Because certainly by the end of the game, I think she's got quite a soft spot for many of the companions as much as she can have, she has had quite a few of them you know, like Lae'zel for example, and Shadowheart and Jaheira.

Yeah, so that was interesting to explore physically how she can soften, and in intimate scenes or romance scenes with her, she can play the part of being soft and intimate. Whether she's really feeling that inside is another matter, depends on who it's with, I guess. But yeah, that was interesting to explore vocally, from being less sort of rigid and staccato like during the absolute brainwashing, and then finding she's always staccato but whether there's more sort of range and colour in how she speaks once she's freed of the tadpole swirling in the mind swirling in the mind when performing the role.

Q: Were there any particular lines or moments that really stuck out to you whether that's a behind the scenes moment or something from the dialogue?

A: I gosh I love all our lines. Well I love the obvious jokes that lots of people love like that "it was a beautiful webbing", that sort of thing. I love the lines that she's given when she's explaining, you know, when she's grateful to having been rescued and explaining that, no one would know about her and all the vulnerable moments that she has when she's talking about how she feels, about... I think she's quite shocked, you know, having had the brainwashing happen to her, having been so deceived. And so, the dialogue that happens once she's rescued, and she's sort of discussing that with the player are beautiful lines, of sort of realizing my God you know I trusted this person and Orin, and I can't believe that's happened to me and also that she misses her home you know.

I think she really loves Menzoberranzan and her upbringing too but also recognizing how brutal that was too and so all of the that sort of dialogue, cut scene dialogues I think, are beautiful really lovely. And I love it when she challenges if the player decide... I think there's one scene where the player decides to go with Minthara I think it is and then Minthara challenges that yeah. Lots of different lines that I love be hard to pick one but that sort of thing and...

Actually, oh I don't want to do any spoilers but if Minthara is Romancing Karlach, there's some beautiful dialogue in that which was really moving to play, and particularly around Karlach possibly dying that's all I'll say for anybody who has not played it yet. That's certainly a player driven decisions, deeper level of role playing and choice behind Baldur's Gate 3.

Q: What are your thoughts of the mini layers to what choices players could pick and the response you would be performing in reaction to player-driven decisions?

A: Oh my gosh repeat that last bit Jason

Q: Essentially there's many choices people can make, what are your thoughts on the branching choices that could pop up? You know, this decision here this decision there and how you would have to respond to that?

A: I love the huge range and option and diversity in the game. I think that's what people are really responding to. You can be anything, do anything you want to do in the game, and I believe that's quite revolutionary in this game, quite unique. I think that's why everybody's getting such a kick out of the game because there's so many options you know. Just Minthara for example, I know I'm very aware that people are going to very often not choose her to begin with, and then they can go back you know.

My nephew for example's played the game three times you know and each time he's chosen many different paths including Minthara now and so I think that's fantastic for people to have that option that it's not rigid. It's really fluid in terms of you know race, colour, creed gender options, dark, light whatever you know, whatever path you want to go down, there's a million options for you to choose. Is that what you meant by the question? Relatively specific then give me something more specific if you want me to further answer that.

Q: No, I think it about covers it and I think we covered this next one a little bit, but let's dive into it a little further.

So Minthara has a rather enchanting romance option with the character. What was it like to bring that connection to the player to life?

A: Beautiful, really amazing certainly for Minthara who you know because that's part of her journey of discovering who she is and what she needs, and how she feels about people, and discovering relationships. I don't think she's someone who you know she's had partnerships before, but I don't think it's someone that...

She's always used them for a purpose. And I think exploring being hurt if the player makes a decision to go with someone else or the player rejects her. It's really interesting to play those sorts of vulnerabilities and colours, really. I enjoyed that, because that was part of exploring her softer side… or brutal side, depending on what the reaction is from the player because she can be quite… you know, she can dump you.

She can challenge you as well. I like the fact that the characters challenge the player you know Minthara does Minthara says well you've rescued me why, why did you do that surely it would be better for you not to have an enemy in your party you know and so I think that's one of the great things about the game is, the game makes the player think and that's you know rather than just shoot it up or kill.

If you kill for no reason, you have characters like Minthara asking you why and I think that's really interesting.

Q: Some other performers from the game have been playing the game and attempting to romance themselves, have you given the game a whirl and have you or would you try to romance yourself?

A: I've seen some of the others doing that, it's really interesting, it's very funny. I've watched some of their live streams.

fun fact: there were screenshots of her commenting in Lae'zel's VA Devora Wilde's livestream where Devora was trying to and eventually getting Minthara's romance scene.

I haven't yet played it, I'm very much excited to do so which I will be doing in this new year. I don't know about... I've been asked whether I'll do it live, quite a lot of people want me to do that. I don't know yet, don't know whether I've got the confidence to do that, because everyone just seems so brilliant at it. And I probably really wouldn't be, but I've looked at a lot of the game, obviously, and I just think it looks so incredible, so I'm very, very excited to play it.

I think I would play myself yeah, I don't know if I'd romance myself, that would be weird, but I've seen a lot of the romance scenes anyway, so I'm not sure about that, but I would love... I'd definitely play, I'd definitely recruit Minthara yeah for sure and that would probably be my first playthrough actually going down the "bad route" in inverted commas.

So yeah, I'm definitely going to play it and I will play me, but I don't know if I would romance myself yes.

Q: We had an interview there with Lae'zel's performer Devora and she's like oh yeah, I romanced myself. She was very, very into it.

Q: What's it like to see your voice and movement attached to a game character?

A: Oh, it's amazing it's just amazing because obviously, we don't look anything like our characters it's really, I remember being so bold over when I first saw what Minthara looked like and in any of characters I've played in other games. But that's the wonderful thing about voice acting is, you know you can do it forever there's no time set on it is a real freedom as an actor.

You can play a million parts that you'd never play maybe on TV or film or theatre and yeah, seeing your voice attached to something very otherworldly is amazing.

I love how my voice works with Minthara and also our movement and our expressions and what Larian have taken, and the animators have taken the visual artists have taken from how they've seen us. Because when you're in the studio, they can see what you're doing obviously, your morph suit and it's funny to see some of our expressions or you know obviously as well as the map come into the character and how that affects the voice, and how they've put that onto the game.

Yeah, it's lovely, it's amazing to see. It's very exciting.

Q: Is this a character you'd like, Minthara, sequel, prequel; to return to down the road if possible?

A: Oh my gosh yeah definitely very, very much so. I adore her, and I adore her because I've been allowed with Adam and Sven and Larian to explore so many different layers of her as well as keeping within her aim, her goal which is ambition and revenge and all those things.

I think her story and the Menzoberranzan story, the Underdark all of that is extremely interesting so it would be amazing wouldn't it, Jason? Let's have Baldur's Gate 4 where we explore the Underdark. Yeah, I'd live with her forever if I could, you can almost do a Minthara prequel. For sure that would be amazing, yes. Explore her childhood all the way up and how she's got to where she is now, and then also be interesting to see what happens to her after Baldur's Gate 3, where she ends up. Does she survive or you know, who does she ally with and does she go back to Menzoberranzan and take over the Baenre because there's a lot of stuff there that's unresolved.

Q: Where do you stand on the whole evil aspect of "Is Minthara Evil ?"

A: Minthara... Well, she is an evil character. I mean there's just, you know, she's not going to, there's no, there's no redemption there, I don't think, although there is... because in the long run it's going to always be for her about ambition and drive and getting what she wants: power, being in control in her in her way...

Whatever that is, eventually, but along the way with that there are people that she will gather, and trust I think, and learn to trust more, but in terms of Baldur's Gate 3 the game there are lots of other characters who do lots of really nasty horrible things, so I feel sometimes... since the game was released and I've been sort of in all of this and watching everybody's response I also feel that...

You know the tiefling bit is not the only bad bit in the game.

There's lots of other stuff going down and lot of other people making big decisions about stuff, so I think, she's not the only bad character in it. You know I sometimes find it hard to sort of understand the difference in the game between you know good killing and bad killing. You know she she's very much in the bad killing bit, it's like, well killing is bad, so you know you got to have a bloody good reason for doing it oh sorry I swore Jason sorry.

I don't know, it's hard for me Jason, because I'm inside her as it were as the actor, so I don't see her as evil necessarily, but I understand that she is labelled that, yes. Because obviously what she does is brutal, and her background is brutal and she's not going to change.

So yeah, she is evil but one of the great things about the game is that it's not just black and white, that it's, you know there are layers. There are grey areas, there are reasons for things, and you're allowed to explore that in the game. And that's what makes the game so interesting.

Q: What are your thoughts on DnD and or other role-playing games in Thoughts on D&D & Roleplaying Games Genre general?

A: I love the world of DnD and I mean my only other, a long time ago, I used to sit around with friends of a weekend if we had nothing else to do, and we would spend an entire weekend playing Call of Cthulhu. I really loved call of Cthulhu very, very much and I loved that whole experience because it for me as an actor obviously, allowed me to just sit with some characters and get into taking them anywhere I wanted to, take them obviously with whatever the games master would allow obviously, but it just fires up your imagination. You could see the worlds blah blah blah what they're wearing where they're going how they look so I really, really love roleplaying I don't do enough of it, and I should do more... And Dungeons and Dragons is an extraordinary world and I see that too in in in other worlds.

I do a lot for Warhammer and the Warhammer worlds. When I go to do recordings for them at their base in Nottingham for Games Workshop, and I pass by the area where people are going to play the actual games on tables and stuff: the kingdoms and the characters and the and the models, and the things that people are creating and the love and devotion for that, is just beautiful because it is escapism, isn't it? It allows you to leave your own troubles behind for a bit and get into a world where you can do anything you want, and be anything you want, and do things that you wouldn't do in this world, you know and that's really interesting to me or be a god or be a wizard or be a saint, or Minthara or you know. It's beautiful I love it!

I love the imaginative escapism of it and the confidence that it gives people actually, Jason, because we've had... a lot of us actors have had a lot of fabulous response from people who've got so much out of Baldur's Gate 3, where it's allowed them to express who they are to maybe in this world express who they are. It's given them a confidence to do so to be who they really are in real life and be okay with it. And that's beautiful that they identify with our characters to give them confidence.

Q: And that leads very well to my next question because I was going to ask what are other characters of viewers might know you from, and with that as you just mentioned, I understand you're fairly well-known Warhammer wise would you care to give us a taste of that in action?

A: What do you mean you mean...

Q: Perform a bit of it just a little line or something?

A: No, no there's enough out there for people to go and explore no I love I love all of those all of those characters all of those worlds and I love all the characters I've played I appreciate the fact that I've been involved with Larian before in Divinity: Original Sin one and two.

So, I've played everything for them from Minthara to talking chickens to Bears to wizards to all sorts of different to princesses or whatever to, you know, yeah that's great and Harry Potter and Star Wars and all those wonderful games that I've been involved in. I'm just really, I really love it I just love the imaginative creativity of it and yeah Warhammer! Very fortunate to be a battle sister or Celestine the living Saint, yes all of those big characters that I've played which people can go and explore in their own time, don't need me to do any of that right now.

Q: I guess that doesn't farewell for my next note where I'm like "would you mind giving the audience a brief line or "Taste of Minthara", taste of Minthara in action?"

A: [Using her Minthara voice] Jason why are you asking me to do lines there is enough in the game, Jason. You don't need me to sit here and recite more. [/end]

There you go, that took you by surprise!

Jason: Perfect, yeah you got me there. You really did.

Q: Okay and for my final question. I always like to leave a spot for you to say anything or go over anything I might have missed during the interview anything you want to pitch or whatnot, that you're working on?

A: Don't need to pitch anything, working on a lot of things but can't say what they are. This is often the way with things, but I'd just like to thank everybody again for the amazing response to this to this game and to Minthara, and to ask personally, as actors it's been extraordinary. The support has been extraordinary and I'm really, really grateful. I'm really grateful and also everybody supporting all of our other work that we've done in the past, you know before Baldur's Gate 3 and obviously in the future and yeah keep listening keep playing, and we'll hopefully, we'll and also all the people I've met at conventions and stuff like that just fantastic really beautiful the love that people are showing so yeah let's keep on doing that been really great thank you./.

Note: Gods. This took longer than I expected it to. Btw every time she said Jason (the interviewer's name) my mind just autocompletes to Jason Derulo.

[stone-stars]

Transcript:

[8bbc theme fades out] Murph: Welcome to 8-bit book club, the only book club that makes you dumber. (laughs) I'm laughing because Emily has the mic at the ready to interrupt me. [Caldwell laughs.] Interrupt the intro. But yes, I'm joined as always by my life-slash-comedy partner, Emily Axford. Emily: Sup, bitch! Caldwell: (laughs) not really on theme, but okay. Murph: Whatup. Yeah, whatup. Uh, and the, uh-- Emily: Oh, I didn't even think to do that. We just were talking about "bitch" so much before we started this. Caldwell: Yeah. Murph: Yeah, and the, uh, Aerith Gainsborough to my Cloud Strife, Caldwell Tanner. Caldwell: (laughs) What's up, it's me, the music bitch! [Emily and Murph laugh.] Murph: Yeah, what's up bitches! Caldwell: Can't get enough of the stuff! [Emily laughs] Murph: We're say-- we're saying "bitch" a lot today, apparently. Emily came in and she kept calling everyone bitch, and referring to herself as bitch. Caldwell: Emily-- Emily said it was cool if we did it. Murph: She said-- Emily: (quietly) No, I said I'm allowed to. Murph: What were you saying? Because we're gonna go-- we're gonna go out to eat after this, and you said-- Emily: I said (exaggerated) this bitch is getting meat! Murph: This bitch is getting meat. You also-- Emily: (exaggerated) This bitch is getting the 12-ounce New York Strip Steak! [Caldwell laughs.] Murph: You were also talking about daddy. Daddy is taking us to go get dinner. Emily: Yeah, I said-- If we record a very good podcast, daddy's gonna take us to get some steak! Murph: This is… Caldwell: That's true. And you meant like-- Murph: Off to a strange, sexual start. Caldwell: You meant like, our collective daddy. Like, the kind of philosophical daddy, which represents you self-disciplining yourself. Emily: Well-- what I said is that everyone has their own inner daddy. Caldwell: Right. Emily: And inner daddy can treat you if you-- um-- if you are good. Caldwell: Right. And that's what-- Emily: You have an inner baby and an inner daddy. Murph: Awh. What? [Emily and Caldwell laugh.] Caldwell: I don't like where this is going. Emily: Baby I mean like-- child. Caldwell: Right Murph: Okay. Emily: Not like baby like, santa baby. Caldwell: Listen, Murph, we're past that basic bullshit where we talk about self care. It's all about uh-- treating your little inner baby-- [Emily laughs.] Caldwell and Murph: --and being your own daddy. Emily: You have to discipline-- Murph: We have discussed in the past being your own daddy. Emily: You have to discipline your inner baby, and be your own daddy. (laughs) So stop going and getting pedicures and acting like that's what you owe yourself. No, your inner baby is soft. Caldwell: Right. Emily: It needs to start pumping up. Murph: Oh my god. Caldwell: Hey. Spare the rod, spoil the daddy. [Emily cackles. Caldwell laughs.] Murph: Everybody-- Alright. Alright bitches, shut the fuck up. Uh, this week-- Emily: Spare the-- [cackles] Murph: Would you guys--? This one's-- This is gonna be a loose one, 'cause we didn't read a book.

[jamiekb]

Exploring the new Welcome Home Update

So here's my journey through the new update and the little details that it has, this will be a very long post and of course full of spoilers.

Look at the new design for the loading screen, so Christmas-y! I particularly love the antlers on Home's chimney.

Looking good Wally! And now we have new little doodles that seem to go with the holiday.

Ok so according to the admins no more bugs so wonder what will be different this time. Onto the news page then

Also I'm really digging the new background

Ok starting the FAQ now and some questions and answers are interesting. So they've been receiving more material covered in goop. They kinda adress in universe the move of the website, due to malicious material and in the code of the page.

And there is one new hidden message in the answers (I think) "The numbers are so hard to read. Sometimes I can't see them" So do we have to look for numbers now?

Took a detour through the stickers and they have new ones! There is Wally making a Home out of snow, sleeping Julie, I think Frank singing Carols to a butterfly, Poppy with a Jello thing, Eddie with a ton of presents to deliver, Howdy with some relatives, Sally as the star of a Christmas tree and Barnaby with a snowman.

Also with the "Welcome Home" banners two are a bit more desaturated now. And now that I think about it there are some stains in the main banner too

Neighborhood

Anyway unto the Neighborhood! Looks so cute although I'll be honest the clock tower is a bit weird and the trees feel a bit more intense at the edges or maybe that's just me

Eddie seems quite normal though now apparantly he has a mother, I'm confident that didn't use to be there. Is it weird that other than Wally hes the only one that didn't add anything new to his home for the season?

I think Howdy's description also changed a bit but nothing alarming. His store now seems to have signs welcoming his family for the holidays.

Checking Barnaby's description they seem to all have a bit more background info, since he apparently left his farm life to come to Home. Ok what does "Barnaby’s middle initial was often rotated in terms of what it stood for" mean???

Poppy is so cute! Is she holding cupcakes decorated like the characters or did she already do that? Ok but her new details feel very interesting: she claims to be able to fly but it's never shown and she never leaves her house to the point of being excluded from some events (like Wally's Homewarming party I guess)

Sallys is fine. She's besties with Poppy I guess and she can shine??? How do you make a puppet shine?? Were they roommates maybe?

Oh Julie got quite a backstory. Named siblings, she has paws and used to live in the forest on the outskirts of Home in a cave with her family. And she hibernates that's too cute!

Great my dear Frank still gets no background info (which is very interesting) but he goes get forced heteronormativity.

Ok and Wally is kinda similar, no background info just very dedicated to Home. And I''l see about coming back to the As above so below page since I can't seem to click it, might just be me. You can still see the goop at the doorstep though

Merchandise

Ok so first off the Merchandise page has a different background to the rest, some colorful static and took a bit to load.

oooh they even changed the layout for the phone since you could hear Wallys call, that's such a cool detail

Maybe I'll go back and see if Eddies or Sally's stories have been changed in the audio or transcipt but I'll stick to the new stuff for now. Now that i think about maybe Sally's doesn't have the bit where the transcript couldnt understand it.

Finally reached the wish book and I love it so much, this is so much work all around! My favorites are the Frank and Wally pillows, Eddie Dear Lil' Mailman's Kit, the Home Clock and specially the tree skirt! I now have to make those cute neighbors

Oh my god the record has the perfect Santa voice. And.. interesting that the ad cuts off when we get to Eddie. I'm not really surprised thought it would do something when it got to him or Frank, still suspicious.

Homewarming Story

The sound editing for all this new items is amazing!

I love the bit of the characters tripping up the narrators, this one just hasn't been able to get it right.

Hey is it me or in this one they've been a bit more insistent that Frank is a bit too literal but in a not so good way, not that much more intense but can't help but notice it. Seems a bit meaner

The return of Walliford!

Good to know Home uses he/him I guess

excuse me the fuck was that sound distortion???

and then it ends kinda abruptly, so that's that...

Where's my Eddie by the way, they didn't ask him and didn't find him while out on the town. I better hear him at some point or I will riot.

We have a code!

Ok so I was skimming the rest of the material before choosing what to listen to next and saw the cereal and craft at the back! So I guess now I have to find all the little drawings in the page and see when come from that

So I did listen to a few more songs, nice to see Eddie and Frank interacting as always, and noticed that in the transcript pages there are some entries for Mistery Audio, which are actually three of the previously hidden videos so that's interesting

Also not all the pages have four drawings some only one, so I've been trying to keep track which symbols i found where in case it matters. Still don't know what they're for just going around collecting them

Ok nvm I was doing things out of order and now that I got to media can see they are mentioned there

So after finally getting all the little things and going back to tumblr cause honestly I didnt really get what to do, I'm guessing it leads to a website, since one of the pages just has www as the code, so I'll try that I guess since I saw that there is a secret website somewhere. If it takes me too long I'll just look it up

Secret website

Nvm I'm too impatient at this point and I think i was missing a few letters so I just looked it up

Ok so that's interesting, so this person is kinda like the one behind the scenes talking to us along with whatever had infected the website before. They mention how the curator got sick (???) but is better now and that they'll try to update this website with the weird things they find

So the phone is one, like the weird glitched audio from Wally. This audio is interesting cause it plays out technically in real life but Wally speaks as if they are living out their lives...

And then moving on to the commercial they are speaking again of being compelled to know more, to see and wait. I'm sure some is curiosity but that can't be all

ohmygod this is more than 20 minutes long, the effort it must have taken Clown and team is monumental

that little animation is so cute!!!

fast forward many commercials and we have Eddie!!! And even a whole hand helping Poppy or something.

god the tobacco comercial of course they would have one

My poor Eddie boy is so anxious and depressed, why is no one talking to you bud? Like not getting him a present is a thing but not even Julie called him to play... and now is he's spiraling and even mad, that's unusual for sure. Also what's with the perspective of his videos, everything is a commercial or in the case of the secret videos it's interactions with other neighbors. This is more like the secret videos that we're seeing from someones POV, but not even that, we're observing him not looking through his eyes

Oh my poor Eddie is certainly going through it, who let them expose him to The Horrors? The horror aspect of this ARG sure has started to pick up speed, even I picked up some anxiety from that last segment

Also I did notice that Frank eventually dropped the Mr Dear for Eddie when he got more worried, almost like hes more worried than for an act that he has to put up huh?

So that was the newest Welcome home update. I can say it was everything I hoped for and more!!! The team behind it really gave it their all. From VAs for the audios to all the visual and graphic artists for the commercials its all so wonderful

[bugsbutch]

whatever happens tonight, tedtrent nation... i loved our chats 🫡 and listen, we were not delusional, only hopeful for a story that would make perfect sense, be compelling and fit within the themes of the show, so let's not put ourselves down

that said... yes, this little thing i wrote is just pure self-indulgent romcommunism, not how i actually think/hope the show might end

transcript under the cut

INT. NELSON ROAD - PRESS ROOM

We see journalists filing out after a press event. At the front of the room, standees advertising Trent Crimm’s new book: “The Lasso Way”.

INT. NELSON ROAD - AN UNIDENTIFIED ROOM - CONTINUOUS

TRENT CRIMM is decompressing playing with a fidget toy. An ASSISTANT from his publishing company enters.

TRENT

God, I loathe being on this side of the press room.

ASSISTANT

I'm sorry, Mr. Crimm, but there's one more person who wants to ask you a question.

TRENT

Absolutely not, I’m done talking to the press. I am not fielding yet another “Why did Ted Lasso leave for Kansas so suddenly?”

The Assistant sighs like someone who got roped into participating in some stranger’s corny joke.

ASSISTANT

He told me to tell you he's from Horse & Hound.

TRENT

I don't-

Trent freezes as he recognises the reference to Notting Hill. He frowns. Surely not…?

ASSISTANT (O.S.)

He's waiting in the press room.

But Trent is already leaving the room in a hurry.

INT. NELSON ROAD - PRESS ROOM - CONTINUOUS

TED LASSO is sitting in the empty room in Trent's old spot, looking down at the book in his hands. We hear the door click. 

TRENT

(softly)

Ted.

Ted looks up and smiles. His hand shoots up in the air. 

TED

Oh! Mr. Crimm! Here!

Trent ducks his head with a smile, instantly disarmed, and plays along. He sits at the table.

TRENT

Yes, the gentleman in the second row. I like your moustache.

Ted stands up.

TED

(a little flustered)

Oh, thank you, sir. Ted Lasso, Horse & Hound. So do I have this right: shortly after meeting this clueless American, you upended your personal life, and later blew up your whole career for him as well, then proceeded to follow him for a year writing a book, after which he suddenly left with a sorry excuse of a goodbye. And that guy only realized what it all meant to you, and… and what you meant to him, after he read the dedication you wrote in this book that you sent to him.

TRENT

Have you got a question in there, Ted?

TED

Yeah...

(a little nervous, but smiling)

Can I take you out to dinner, Trent?

TRENT

(matching Ted’s smile)

Yes you can, Ted.

A romantic song starts playing. They keep smiling at each other like they’re the only two people in the room (and they are, but that’s besides the point).

FIN.

[coochiequeens]

Technology just revealed a new name to women’s history.

For nearly 1,300 years, no one knew it was there. The name of a highly educated English woman, secretly scratched on to the pages of a rare medieval manuscript in the eighth century, but impossible to read – until now.

Academics have discovered the Old English female name Eadburg was repeatedly scored into the surface of the religious text, using a method that kept it hidden from the naked eye for more than 12 centuries.

The covert writing of the woman’s name was finally revealed when researchers at the Bodleian Library in Oxford used cutting-edge technology to capture the 3D surface of the ancient manuscript, a Latin copy of the Acts of the Apostles that was made in England between AD700 and AD750.

It is the first time this technology, capable of revealing “almost invisible” markings so shallow they measure about a fifth of the width of a human hair, has been used to record annotations on the surface of a manuscript.

“There are only a limited number of surviving early medieval manuscripts which contain clear internal evidence of a woman having created, owned or used them,” said Jessica Hodgkinson, a PhD student at the University of Leicester who made the discovery while researching her thesis on women and early medieval manuscripts.

“Most of these manuscripts are from the continent – it is much rarer to find evidence of this in surviving manuscripts which were made and used in the geographical area we now call England.”

Writing Eadburg’s name on the book quietly asserted her power and high status at a time when only a few elite, highly educated women were able to write and read both Old English and Latin. “It’s a hugely significant and very powerful text – the word of God, conveyed through the apostles. And I think that might be at least part of the reason why somebody chose to write Eadburg’s name into it, so that she was close to that.”

It is not clear why the name was written so stealthily, with a drypoint stylus, rather than ink. “Maybe it was to do with the resources that person had access to. Or maybe it was to do with wanting to leave a mark that put that woman’s name in this book, without making it really obvious,” Hodgkinson said. “There could have been some reverence for the text, which meant the person who wrote her name was trying not to detract from the scripture or compete with the word of God.”

Significantly, she found Eadburg’s name passionately etched into the margins of the manuscript in five places, while abbreviated forms of the name appear a further 10 times.

This suggests it is likely to have been Eadburg herself who made the marks. “I could understand why somebody might write someone else’s name once. But I don’t know why you would write somebody else’s name so many times like that,” Hodgkinson said.

An Old English transcription, and tiny, rough drawings of figures – in one case, of a person with outstretched arms, reaching for another person who is holding up a hand to stop them – were also discovered etched on to the small book, which is barely bigger than an A5 pamphlet.

Hodgkinson hopes further study will reveal the meanings of these figures and the ancient transcription, which has so far proved impossible to translate.

She also hopes to eventually discover who Eadburg was. Certain features of the manuscript suggest the book was produced in Kent, where a woman called Eadburg was abbess of a female religious community at Minster-in-Thanet in the mid-eighth century. However, there are at least eight other known contenders for the role.

But whether or not these mysteries are ever solved, for Hodgkinson there is something very empowering and meaningful about the discovery of Eadburg’s name. “Still, to this day, there’s this human urge to leave a mark of your presence on something that is meaningful to you or is a record of where you’ve been,” she said. “We don’t know all that much about Eadburg, but now, because of this amazing technology, we’ve seen her name, we know she was there. She’s here, in this book – and it speaks across the centuries.”

[nebylitsa]

from the yiddish book center interview with daniel kahn

[transcript:

CW: Do you have any advice for aspiring artists?

DK: Oh. Oh, boy. Don't do it. God. Get a job. No. (pause) Don't be afraid to look backwards. Don't be afraid to look to the past. Don't be afraid of history. Don't be afraid of informing yourself about the past. And reading as much as possible. And -- yeah. Look backwards. We're all looking backwards anyway. We all could be walking into a giant wall. We have no idea. There was an earthquake in Washington, DC. We're all walking backwards. Walter Benjamin was right. We go through history backwards. So if we're to walk backwards, look as far backwards as you can. Keep looking back. It's the most progressive thing that we can do, to look back. That's what I would say. Look back. Look backwards. (laughs)]

[lacefuneral]

Rhys Darby talking about being neurodivergent on the Runners Only podcast

[EDIT: Transcript by Kipli:]

Rhys: I liked um- uh- everything about uh the military for some reason and I think looking back it’s because- maybe I’m- uh in those days there were no ADHD kind of diagnosis type thing or anything like that.

Dom: Right.

Rhys: But I’m thinking to myself I like structure and I like- ya know, since then, I’ve been look- I still have not gotten myself diagnosed about anything, uh because I’m confident with who I am and how I can operate. But I like um lists of things, and I like order very much so, and structure. And there’s nothing more structurally ordered than military. And then I got into war history as well. And so that was a- for me it was like a- it was that and then there was animals. I used to classify all animals. I used to be able to name-

Dom: What do you mean you classified them?

Rhys: Well, I class- I had-

Dom: What by size or alphabetical order?

Rhys: Uh by where they were from. What continents they were- [breaks into laughter]

Dom: Oh my god.

Rhys: What continents they were from, the speed of land animals, their life span, that kind of stuff.

Dom: Wow!

Rhys: Ya, I was just into that kind of stuff. So, ya it’s weird.

Dom: I reckon I’m ADHD as well or definitely on the spectrum somewhere.

Rhys: Ya, for sure.

Dom: But being a similar age, nothing was ever diagnosed. Do you think having a label on anything would change anything or-

Rhys: No.

Dom: -or help anything?

Rhys: I don’t think that, I think that’s why I haven’t bothered with it. I’ve just, I’m pretty sure I’m definitely spectrum-y but so are some of my friends and we- Now our children, yes we would get them diagnosed, we would, so you can know how to operate with them and um- but even then ya know I don’t think it’s something you necessarily have to do unless the kid is clearly quite far on the spectrum and then obviously you can- you do need to deal with it. But I do think I can float. I’m a floater. Ya know and I’m not someone you go ‘oh he needs uh some bit of um special help this guy’ although some would argue. [laughter]

Rhys: Also just reading. Like reading a book. I’ve got- It’ll take me a month ya know where it’ll take my wife ya know three or four days.

Dom: What because your mind wanders when you’re reading or?

Rhys: No, I’m just, I um maybe I’m just slower at it. As I’m reading it I’m really, I take in every word and she just like skim reads. Ya I don’t know what you’re like, but like, she’ll just, I don’t understand how she says 'oh ya I’m just gonna read this page’ dadadada 'yup okay’ and I’m like 'wait did you- what about the detail!’ Ya know ya know, and so I’m a very detail orientated, and I would- I will read, I’ll read each word and then like imagine it as it’s happening and go 'oh wow, and then he went over there, and said hello. HELLO!’ I don’t- it takes me a month to get through that!

[blessedarethebinarybreakers]

Due to flare ups, I’ve been thinking more about my relationship with my disabilities and my relationship with God — any good resources/book you can recommend?

Hey there, sending love and solidarity as you go through flare ups and as you explore all this <3

You came to the right place — disability theology is one of my great passions! Here are my recs for you. If anyone has more resources to add on or insights for anon, please share!

For starters...

First, you might enjoy wandering through my #disability theology tag over on my other blog, which includes excerpts from various disability theologians.

Or reading through / praying with the disability text prayers I shared here last July for Disability Pride Month, which were written by a variety of disabled folks.

Since it's Lent, Unbound's Disabling Lent: An Anti-Ableist Lenten Devotional is timely!

___

Memoirs Exploring Christian Faith & Chronic Pain / Illness

My Body and Other Crumbling Empires, Lyndsey Medford (2023)

This memoir connects faith, chronic illness (especially autoimmune disorders), and the sickness at the heart of Western Empire / the Protestant work ethic.

How can we learn to work with instead of against our bodies? How can we rebuild our world to treat all bodies with the love and gentleness they deserve? .

This Here Flesh, Cole Arthur Riley (2022)

An incredibly beautiful book, poetic and searing...explores the goodness of embodied life and intersections between disability (particularly chronic illness), Blackness, queerness, womanhood, and more.

Each chapter focuses on a different emotion (anger, joy, lament, love...) to teach us how to honor and listen to what we feel in our bodies.

CW for accounts of sexual assault and other forms of and abuse and trauma, as well as accounts of antiblack racism. .

Everything Happens for a Reason and Other Lies I've Loved, Kate Bowler (2018)

If you've been steeped in any kind of prosperity gospel, "if you pray hard enough you'll be healed" type Christianity, I highly recommend this book.

Bowler writes with gentle honesty about how her chronic pain and then cancer compelled her to move away from that kind of harmful Christianity into a faith with room for doubt, grief, and a God that holds her in her suffering.

___

Disability Theology — Books, Podcasts, Videos

Disability: The Inclusive Church Resource edited by Bob Callighan (2014)

If you're interested in the perspectives of various disabled Christians, I love the range of voices they brought into this text! A great intro to how theology and church life impact disabled persons and how our churches must re-form themselves with disabled persons at the center. .

My Disabled AND Blessed YouTube series

I've got multiple YouTube videos that draw from various disability theologians!

I especially recommend my introduction to reading the Bible with a disability lens — stressing how different biblical authors hold different views around disability; so what's God's overall message? — and my video on Luke 14's parable of the banquet!

If you have questions about or struggle with the Gospels' healing narratives, I also recommend my livestream on that topic. .

My friend Laura's Autistic Liberation Theology Podcast (you can listen wherever you get podcasts)

Laura explores scripture through the lens of an autistic trans person who uses a wheelchair and has multiple chronic & mental illnesses.

I especially recommend their episode on "the Gethsemane of things," which takes an honest look at pain and where God is in our suffering. (Most of Laura's eps don't have transcripts, but I shared an abridged version of this ep on my podcast and it has a transcript)

"I am not your ornamental prophet" is also a great episode for thinking about what pressures are put on disabled persons and how to construct boundaries for yourself .

The Mad and Crip Theology Podcast

This podcast interviews the authors who are published in the Mad and Crip Theology journal, which is really cool! You can watch episodes with captions on YouTube, or listen wherever you get podcasts.

A good starter episode: this one "on Queer and Crip Sexuality and the Disabled Christ" .

Some eps of Blessed Are the Binary Breakers

While my own podcast largely centers trans perspectives, disability comes up frequently as well! Each ep has a transcript. These are the disability-focused ones:

"No End to Transphobia without Uprooting Ableism — exploring embedded forms of oppression"

"Our Pride Is Not a Sin — a Queer and Disabled Christian Lens"

"Goodness Embodied — an intersex, nonbinary first human and a disabled risen Christ"

"Marginalized Bodies as Spectacle and the good news in Jesus's disabling wounds"

"Eli and the prophet Elijah"

“Secular” books that helped shape my own theology

What Can a Body Do? How We Meet the Built World, Sara Hendren (2020)

Fantastic book digging into recent disability history, present, and future with focus on the “misfit” theory of disability where body and world interact with each other disharmoniously, and the creativity disabled people employ to make them more harmonious  .

Exile and Pride, Eli Clare (1999)

One of my favorite books of all time. Connects disability, queerness, rural life, trauma, and more. Clare is one of the originators of the concept of the “bodymind” (though he talks about that more in one of his later books)

___

Wanting even more resources? Here's my google doc with aaaaall the disability theology stuff — plus some helpful disability 101 stuff to share with loved ones!

Praying for comfort, wisdom, and community support for you as you journey! Please feel free to drop by again with any questions that come up or to share any insights you've gained any time <3

[bubbl3s-dot-jpg]

My thoughts about TMAGP 7 before reading anyone else's:

Oh my god we got a lot of stuff today

Celia recognizes Chester's voice which could imply a few things: One, Jon is alive in this universe and she met/knew/heard of him. Two, Jonny Sims is playing an entirely different character with whom Celia has met/known/heard. OR three, Celia has previous experience with the fears. All three are equally likely in my opinion, IF it weren't for the next piece of information.

Sam got an email from someone named John. (I checked the spelling on the official transcript and that is how it is spelled). The email was internal. I'm not going to jump to conclusions about this because of how this is spelt and because Jonny is known to reuse names. (See Jared and Gerard, and Michael). However, if I were a writer, I wouldn't mind using common names for smaller characters that may or may not show up again, but would mind severely if a major character shared a name with a minor character. Jury's still out on this for me.

Colin doesn't allow external devices into his workspace. I didn't think about it much in earlier episodes, but I think it is notable that we only hear him occasionally and never from his own devices. Sam brings in external devices, or he's out and about, in a place where devices can hear him. He could be worried that they interfere with his work, but Sam had described him as otherwise paranoid and worrying about interference seems to be something not worth fighting about. This leads me to believe Colin knows something is going on.

The mention of hilltop road is interesting. I'm aware that Hilltop road is a road an therefore could have multiple addresses, but since it was such a significant part of MAG, I think it is worth noting what happened there. To me, it feels like a bunch of avatars, or a cult, similar to that of the Lifeless Flame attempted to bring a bunch of items that could possibly be fear-adjacent (like Leitner books) into a place of power. That's pure speculation, however.

Lena has attempted to murder at least two different people, and they both suggest "disappearing again". I have no idea what this could mean, but it feels relevant to me. I'm keeping this in mind for future refrence.

Lena makes mention of "real work" which leads me to wonder what everyone is doing there. People have speculated that the OIAR is feeding the eye in the same way the Magnus Institute was and I think I agree with that. However, Magnus' goal with the institute was to start the eyepocalypse. Is this what Lena is doing? If so, how? Is she doing it the same way Magnus was, by taking a already fear-touched person and using them as their avatar? If that's the case, what is the point of the files that they are reading?

Gwen's family is rich. I don't know if it was mentioned in MAG that the Bouchards had money, but I think it's more relevant here. It also explains her entitlement and the fact that she watched two attempted (and one successful?) murders and decided that this was the line of employment she wanted to continue. I'm biased because I have a history with the name, but we're only seven episodes in and I already don't like her.

Last and very least, Alice thinks Norris's voice (possibly aka Martin's voice) is whiny.

This was a way longer post than I meant to write, but I'm interested in seeing where the fan discussion goes. This was such a plot-heavy episode that I'm still taking time to digest it. I'm also really interested in seeing how my theories and thoughts evolve.

[nellasbookplanet]

Book recs: robots and artificial intelligences

A note: I'm differentiating here between artificial intelligence and transhumanism (such as uploaded consciousnesses and cyborgs), which I intend to make a separate rec post for at a later date.

(Titles marked with * are my personal favorites)

Other book rec posts:

Really cool fantasy worldbuilding, really cool sci-fi worldbuilding, dark sapphic romances, mermaid books, vampire books, portal fantasies

Continue beneath the cut for details on the books!

The Outside by Ada Hoffman*

AKA the book the put me in an existenial crisis. Souls are real, and they are used to feed AI gods in this lovecraftian inspired scifi where reality is warped and artifical gods stand against real, unfathomable ones. Autistic scientist Yasira is accused of heresy and, to save her eternal soul, is recruited by post-human cybernetic 'angels’ to help hunt down her own former mentor, who is threatening to tear reality itself apart.

The Prey of Gods by Nicky Drayden

South African-set scifi featuring gods ancient and new, robots finding sentience, dik-diks, and a gay teen with mind control abilities. An ancient goddess seeks to return to her true power no matter how many humans she has to sacrifice to get there. A little bit all over the place but very creative and fresh.

17776: What Football Will Look Like in the Future by Jon Bois*

A multi-media web novel available to read freely online (which you should do!!). I don't want to give too much away as the initial punch of finding things out is part of the journey, but it's both hilarious and profound as it questions the meaning of humanity and life.

Illuminae (Illuminae Files) by Amie Kaufman & Jay Kristoff*

Young adult told through the medium of transcripts, text messages and the like (this is one of few books where I highly recommend reading a physical copy over a digital as the visual aspect is much more enjoyable like that). After their colony is attacked, the surviving inhabitants flee on space ships, attempting to avoid the pursuing killers while also dealing with a deadly madening plague on board and a ruthless ship AI seemingly losing its mind.

A Closed and Common Orbit (Wayfarers series) by Becky Chambers*

Technically part two of a series, but stands well on its own as the installments are only losely connected (though I recommend reading the first book as well, it's very good). A former ship's AI recently moved into an illegal android body tries to make sense of life as she navigates her way through humans and aliens alike.

The Quiet at the End of the World by Lauren James*

Young adult. After the spread of a global virus causing infertility, teenagers Lowrie and Shen are now the youngest humans alive as the adults around them race to find a cure. As they investigate the ruins of the world, the two come across records from the past, of how grief stricken people turned to raising artificial children in apps and how these 'children' developed, and through these records the two learn of their history. Also has a bisexual main character!

A Psalm for the Wild-Built (Monk and Robot series) by Becky Chambers

Novella. Long ago, robots, upon gaining sentience, simply laid down their work and walked into the wilderness. Long after, a tea monk looking for purpose follows after them into the wilds, where they come across one of the robots seeking its own sort of answers. While not plotless, this story focuses more on character and vibes over plot. Also has a nonbinary main character and features conversations on gender between human and robot.

All Systems Red (The Murderbot Diaries) by Martha Wells*

After having hacked its own governor module, SecUnit uses its small amount of new freedom to secretly download and watch as much media as it can between doing its job guarding humans. But when the scientists it’s been charged with keeping safe come under attack, it must make a choice about whether to continue keeping its freedom secret or risk it all to save them. The series features both novellas and full length novels, and balances humor with scathing critique of capitalism.

Machinehood by S.B. Divya

Prudent in the rise of AI and machine learning, Machinehood shows a near future in which humans struggle to find a place on the workforce as more and more jobs are given to AI. Status quo is shaken as a dangerous terrorist group calling itself The Machinehood starts committing attacks. A close look both at the rights of humans in a technologically changing world, and at the rights of AI as their intelligence edges ever closer to full sentience.

The Company of Death by Elisa Hansen*

A wild mix of genres, where a zombie apocalypse has struck and vampires gather up humans to keep their food source from going extinct, a robot travels across America with a young man she's tasked to keep safe, and former-vampire-hunter-recent-zombie Emily teams up with Death himself to stop the apocalypse. Features bi and ace characters! Bonus rec: the author also runs the youtube channel Maven of the Eventide, where she talks about various vampire media. Check it out!

Railhead by Philip Reeve

Young adult. In a future where humanity travel between the stars using not spaceships but a portal-connected system of sentient trains, a young thief and street urchin is hired to steal something off of the Emperor's train.

Being by Kevin Brooks*

Young adult. Cards on the table, I think I was about 14 when I last read this, but it made a strong enough impression that I still think of it as one of my favorite books. After having gone in for a routine exam, doctors make a stunning discovery about Robert Smith: he isn't human. Suddenly hunted, Robert goes on the run as he tries to cope with the fact of his own existence. While I love this book, it gives very few answers to its many mysteries, so don’t go in expecting full explanations.

Ancillary Justice by Ann Leckie*

A space opera in which sentient spaceships can walk the ground in stolen human bodies, so called ancillaries. One of these ancillaries, the sole survivor after the complete destruction of her ship and crew, is one the hunt for revenge. This series also does very cool things with gender!

Crier's War by Nina Varela

Who says sci-fi has monopoly on robots? In sapphic YA fantasy Crier's War, artificially created automae have defeated and subjugated humans, who live as second class citizens. Young Ayla goes undercover as a servant, meaning to assassinate automae girl and Sovereign's daughter Crier. This would be easier if the two weren't quick to develop feelings for each other.

My Heart is Human by Reese Hogan

Nine years ago, all complex technology was made illegal. This complicates life for Joel, young transgender single father, as a bionic just uploaded itself into his brain without consent. Scared of losing his daughter, Joel tries to keep the bionic secret while using it to fix his life, but things quickly get more complicated as the bionic gains more and more control of his body. Makes a lot of cool paralells of bodily autonomy to Joel's experiences as a transman. Bonus rec: if you like the general concept of struggling for physical control over one's body with an AI, may I also suggest the (much grittier and gory) movie Upgrade.

The Archive Undying (The Downworld Sequence) by Emma Mieko Candon

In a world where AI gods sometimes lose their minds and take entire populations down with them, Sunai was the only survivor when his god went down. In the 17 years since, he has wandered on his own, unable to either die or age, drowning his sorrows in drink and men. But his attempts to flee his past comes to a stop as he is forced back into the struggle between man and machine. Featuring some pretty wild world building and narrative techniques, this book will definitely confuse you, but it is worth the experience.

Activation Degradation by Marina J. Lostetter

Unit Four comes to life in the middle of a war. The mine it was created to care for is under attack, and as Unit Four is activated with the memories of its predecessors, it is thrown into the task of protecting it at any cost. When the battle leads to its capture, it is prepared to do anything to stop its captors, even as their very presence causes it to question all that it knows.

Sea of Rust by C. Robert Cargill*

Years after the death of the last human at the hands of a robot uprising, Brittle travels the desert searching for machines on the brink of breaking down whose parts she can scavenge. The world is quickly falling apart as a war between OWIs - One World Intelligences - struggle to absorb every robot, willing or not. Bleak and captivating, Sea of Rust features horrible people who you can’t help but root for anyway as they struggle for their lives while questioning the very nature of said lives.

Bonus AKA I haven't read these yet but they seem really cool

Hybrid Child by Mariko Ōhara

Japanese 1990s classic. Follows an escaped AI who can take on the form of the people it has consumed.

World Running Down by Al Hess

Follows a powerful AI that has been forced into an android body against its will.

The Thousand Year Beach by Hirotaka Tobi

Set in a virtual world populated by AIs, meant as a resort for human guests who stopped showing up over a thousand years ago, leaving the AIs on their own.

And Shall Machines Surrender by Benjanun Sriduangkaew

Novella. Machines are the gods and rulers of the Dyson sphere Shenzhen, where humans live in luxury and strive to become host bodies for future AIs.

After On by Rob Reid

Phluttr is a social media and a person, potential hero and potential villain, holder of the secrets of all her users.

Annie Bot by Sierra Greer

Annie Bot was designed to be a perfect girlfriend, but as she learns all the more about being human, perfection becomes all the more distant.

Honorary mentions AKA these didn't really work for me but maybe you guys will like them:

The Lives of Puppets by T.J. Klune, Machines Like Me by Ian McEwan, Barbary Station by R.E. Stearns, The A.I. Who Loved Me by Alyssa Cole, Medusa Uploaded by Emily Devenport

[catboymettaton]

hi gamers my book blorbos got out of hand for a venn diagram so here's a spreadsheet instead! please note that I haven't read Baru, Poppy War, or Teixcalaan in many months. book series for those who don't know: Machineries of Empire, Baru Cormorant, The Poppy War, Teixcalaan, The Locked Tomb

extremely open to discussion and debate on this. please tell me your thoughts. if you have any questions feel free to ask and I will be happy to clarify!

light spoilers for Harrow the Ninth, very vaguely spoilers for later books of Baru/Poppy War

[ID: spreadsheet comparing Cheris, Baru, Rin, Mahit, Gideon, and Harrow. Full transcript under cut + in alt text.]

Transcript: format is the title of the row, with the characters' entries below

Lesbian

Cheris: Yes, sort of word of god but like you can tell

Baru: Yes - major plot point

Rin: No, definitely likes men

Mahit: Definitely likes women but unsure if she likes men

Gideon and Harrow: Yes

Ethnic minority

All are marked yes except Gideon and Harrow are marked No (in universe)

Autism

Cheris: I don't remember but probably tbh

Baru: Yes

Rin: Probably not? Again don't remember

Mahit: Probably not?

Gideon: idk

Harrow: Yes

Belonging as a theme

Cheris: Yes - Cheris feels like an outsider and that's why she's a Kel

Baru: No. Baru has a place where she belongs and she chooses to leave it

Rin, Gideon, Harrow: Yes

Mahit: Yes - one of the major themes of the book in fact

Empire

All are marked yes

Part of the empire

Cheris, Rin, Gideon, Harrow: yes

Baru: Yes, due to being colonized

Mahit: No - major theme is her being an outsider

Works against the empire

Cheris and Rin: Yes

Baru: Yes in her own special way

Mahit: No - she doesn't really do much about the empire as a whole iirc

Harrow and Gideon: No

Originally fights for the empire

Cheris, Rin, Harrow: Yes

Baru: Yes but like. In her own special way

Mahit: No, see above

Gideon: Not really

God(s)

Cheris: Nope only math

Baru, Rin, Gideon, Harrow: Yes

Mahit: No

Family plays a meaningful role

All are marked Yes except Mahit, who is marked No

Good relationship with family

Cheris and Baru: Yes

Rin, Gideon, Harrow: No

Mahit: Unsure

Poor relationship with family

Cheris and Baru: No

Rin, Gideon, Harrow: Yes

Mahit: Unsure

image two

Person in Head

Cheris, Mahit: Yes

Baru, Harrow: Yes (second book onwards)

Rin: Yes (second book onwards, debatable. he's more of a dream that haunts her than a real person but he comes up a decent amount)

Gideon: No

Bi guy in head

Cheris, Mahit: Yes

Baru, Gideon, Harrow: No

Rin: Possibly

Person in head is supposed to be there

Cheris, Mahit: Yes

Baru, Rin, Gideon: No

Harrow: Yes but like she didn't install quite right

In Space!!!!!

Cheris, Mahit, Gideon, Harrow: Yes

Baru, Rin: No

Can't go home again

Cheris, Baru, Mahit: Yes

Rin: No home to return to

Gideon and Harrow: They're not supposed to but they do

Plot relevant sex

Cheris: No, with other characters there is though

Baru: Yes :(

Rin: No but there's plot relevant kiss?

Mahit: Yes

Gideon: No

Harrow: Depends on if you count regrowing an arm as sex

War

All marked yes

Attends Special School™

Cheris, Baru, Rin: Yes

Mahit: We really don't know much about her upbringing

Gideon and Harrow: Is Canaan House "school"?

Dreams of person in head

Cheris: Depends on if you count the Jedao flashback montage

Baru: Yes

Rin: Yes, major way he manifests

Mahit: Not that I recall but she gets some of his memories

Gideon: No

Harrow: Yes

Body weirdness related to person in head

Cheris: Yes - she feels like her center of mass is wrong

Baru: Yes, half blind

Rin: No

Mahit: Yes

Gideon: No

Harrow: Spoilers.

Fights with a sword

Cheris, Rin, Gideon: Yes

Baru: When the situation calls for it

Mahit: No

Harrow: She tries

Full of gender

Cheris, Mahit: Yes (head induced)

Baru, Gideon: Yes (lesbian)

Rin: No

Harrow: Not to me personally but maybe for lesbians