#i really just wanna cry. everything fucking sucks. i dont know what fucking god i pissed off recently but please make it stop

[yeondollie]

ʙᴀᴍ ʏᴀɴɢ ɢᴀɴɢ ౨ৎ ♡ .ᐟ

'i closed the chapter on the days we spent together.'

. . warnings ; ANGST .ᐟ, breaking up, argument, fem reader, taehyun is kinda mean, crying, heartbreak, reader is needy, taehyun gets annoyed of reader, just over all sad ecfhuehfusih !!

a/n ; i have been listening in bam yang gang on repeat its so so so good but so sad :(. the beat is so adorable and so is bibi i love her sm sm but the song is so sad and as soon as i heard it i thought about making a story with it . this is just a drabble so i dont have a word count sorry :< anyways, enjoy !! ₊˚⊹ ᰔ

"why do you want so much out of me? can i have some peace and quiet to myself? god.." here we were again. arguing with taehyun was getting more and more common, though you hated it. taehyun knew you were a sensitive person and didn't like conflict but you were just pissing him off lately.

you didn't know what to say really. though you were only trying to check up on him after work, he wasn't having it. "it's like you're attached to my hip, truly." you suck in the tears in your eyes as he says this. you didn't wanna fight, you just wanted to please him in any way you could.

"yes i-i.. i'll give you time. i’m sorry." you say, tearing still welling in your eyes. this, for some reason, set taehyun off completely. why couldn’t you stand up for yourself? it was pathetic in his eyes. “see! thats why im upset. you’re like a doormat- you get walked all over, it’s pathetic.” he scoffs, letting out a small laugh even.

holding the tears back, about to flow, you mutter out some words. “you’re r-right, i’m s-sorry.” you sniffle a bit, looking up at the ceiling to avoid the tears falling out of your eyes. you’ve never felt more pathetic in your life, it was such a horrible feeling. taehyun didn’t seem phased at all, walking up and getting in your face.

“so thats it? sorry? you think thats gonna fix everything?” he says, his face only inches from yours. it was weird, usually when he was this close he would be kissing you or looking at you longingly but no. not this time, not anymore. the only time he looked at you was with lust or anger behind his eyes.

it felt like the two of you would only have sex or only argue, it was tiring- so tiring. he used to hold your cold hand in his own warm hand. he used to kiss your forehead and play with your hair, what happened? the tears flickered down your cheek as you answered him. “t-tyun i.. i don’t know what else to d-do.” now quickly wiping your own tears.

when he realizes you’re crying, he doesn’t bat an eye. its like all his love for you was drained from his heart- you hated it so much. “you know what _____? we’re done. i cant fucking do this with you anymore. you’re just so.. so needy and dumb!” he raises his voice, now watching you flinch in front of him.

you didn’t even have the energy to stop him, watching him with blurry eyes. watching how much he changed over the span of you two dating was shocking and saddening to you. oh how you longed for the sweet taehyun you once had.

before he could exit your house, forever saying bye to him you did one last thing. “taehyun..?” you whisper, not even having the energy to talk loudly. “what?” he whips back at you. you grab his school name tag he gave you, when he first confessed his feelings for you when the two of you were still in high school.

grabbing his name tag, along with your own- you walked up to him gently. you placed your name tag in his hand, looking into his angry eyes. “so you can remember me, you promised me you’d never forget me right?”

his eyes flickered with sympathy one final last time.

[chompisatheatrekid]

first starkid fic! pretty happy w it.

jason x richie (aka weeball), chatfic, slightly angsty, 1052 word

*10/21/21 , 4:07 pm*

*DMS with @jsnjepson and @weeaborichie*

jsnjepson: hi 

jsnjepson: did u get home safe?

weeaboorichie: I’m omw home right now

weeaboorichie: ╥﹏╥

jsnjepson: okay !!

jsnjepson: you have food yeah?

jsnjepson: for the plane tomorrow 

weeaboorichie: yeah

weeaboorichie: I have like everything 

weeaboorichie: I’m still so pissed abt it tbh (¬､¬)

weeaboorichie: god my eyes hurt

weeaboorichie: from crying o(TヘTo)

jsnjepson: I’m so sorry love

jsnjepson: it’s so unfair I’m sorry you have to go through this

jsnjepson: you wanna call?

weeaboorichie: that would be nice

weeaboorichie: I’m sorry about all of this

jsnjepson: it’s not your fault

jsnjepson: I’ll text you every day 

jsnjepson: I promise

*@jsnjepson started a call that lasted 4 hours, 21 minutes and 8 seconds.*

*10/22/21 , 10:35 AM”

*DMS with @jsnjepson and @weeaborichie*

jsnjepson: what are u doing rn? <3

weeaboorichie: we just got in the place

weeaboorichie: haven’t taken off yet 

weeaboorichie: when we do my wifi will probably get so shitty too

weeaboorichie: idk if I can talk to you then (ノ﹏ヽ)

jsnjepson: that’s fine, don’t worry about it please love

jsnjepson: how do you feel?

weeaboorichie: physically or mentally

weeaboorichie: physically fine , I took advil 

weeaboorichie: but mentally. god. so shit

weeaboorichie: jace I’m gonna miss you so so much

weeaboorichie: and pete 

weeaboorichie: and ruth 

weeaboorichie: I don’t wanna leave

weeaboorichie: I’ve never even met this woman

weeaboorichie: uncle paul hasn’t met her since he was like. a baby

weeaboorichie: I have no clue why we’re MOVING. to like buttfuck nowhere texas 

weeaboorichie: neither of us care abt her

weeaboorichie: but we gotta uproot our whole fucking lives to take care of her

weeaboorichie: I DONT KNOW WHY WE CAN’T MOVE BACK WHEN SHE KICKS THE BUCKET TOO

weeaboorichie: god I just. he won’t tell me much and

weeaboorichie: I love you guys too much to. never see you again

weeaboorichie: god I can’t think about that

jsnjepson: that’s so shitty

jsnjepson: I’m so sorry love 

jsnjepson: I love you so so so much okay prince?

weeaboorichie: I love you too

weeaboorichie: thank you

weeaboorichie: I love you

weeaboorichie: fuck fuck fuck we’re taking off

jsnjepson: have a good flight love

jsnjepson: text me when you land please?

weeaboorichie: will do

weeaboorichie: I love you

weeaboorichie: bye bye

jsnjepson: bye love <3

*11/02/21, 12:43 am*

*DMS with @IAMJAGERMAN-IAMGOD and @jsnjepson*

jsnjepson: dude I just fucking

jsnjepson: I miss him so god damn much

jsnjepson: I don’t want to get out of bed

jsnjepson: ever

jsnjepson: my eyes hurt from crying

IAMJAGERMAN-IAMGOD: you’re like 

IAMJAGERMAN-IAMGOD: so down bad man

IAMJAGERMAN-IAMGOD: you wanna

IAMJAGERMAN-IAMGOD: come over to my house or something 

IAMJAGERMAN-IAMGOD: later

jsnjepson: not really

jsnjepson: I don’t wanna do anything

jsnjepson: but thanks bro

jsnjepson: for asking 

*11/04/21, 3:14 pm*

*GROUPCHAT with @micropeter, @flemwad and @weeaboorichie* 

weeaboorichie: i want to go HOME

weeaboorichie: this SUCKS

weeaboorichie: I don’t know ANYONE HERE!!!

weeaboorichie: I still get bullied

weeaboorichie: I miss you guys so so much

weeaboorichie: I’d do anything for a movie night with you two

weeaboorichie: and Jason

weeaboorichie: oh god Jason

weeaboorichie: I miss him so so much

weeaboorichie: it like actually hurts

weeaboorichie: we text and call like every day but

weeaboorichie: it’s not the same

micropeter: Sorry Richie :(

micropeter: We miss you a lot here too.

micropeter: Study sessions are so so much more boring without you.

flemwad: YES THEY ARE

flemwad: godddd I’d even watch one of ur weird ass animes w you I miss you so much

flemwad: and not  for the sexy anime girls !!!

flemwad: not just for the sexy anime girls

weeaboorichie: thanks guys

weeaboorichie: I love you two

weeaboorichie: I’m gonna go eat dinner now

*11/07/21, 2:21 PM.*

*DMS with @jsnjepson and @weeaborichie*

jsnjepson: hi love!!

jsnjepson: how’s it going? everything sorta ok over there?

weeaboorichie: actually. pretty good! 

weeaboorichie: I met this kid at my new school

weeaboorichie: his name is Ethan

weeaboorichie: he’s so cool

weeaboorichie: he likes anime and stuff!! he’s all caught up on Naruto too!!! 

weeaboorichie: he lets me borrow his manga alllll the time

jsnjepson: woaaa!!!

jsnjepson: that’s so cool! I’m so happy for you!!! 

jsnjepson: you wanna have a movie night tonight? online? we can watch the movie for that anime you like

weeaboorichie: maybe sometime

weeaboorichie: I’m hanging out w Ethan tonight 

weeaboorichie: okay okay I gotta go!!

weeaboorichie: I love you so much 

jsnjepson: okay!! I love you prince

jsnjepson: have fun

*11/11/21, 6:58 PM*

*DMS with @jsnjepson and @weeaboorichie*

weeaboorichie: hey jace!! sorry it’s been so long 

weeaboorichie: I’ve been busy with my new school and Ethan and everything

*11/11/21, 8:43 PM*

weeaboorichie: jace?

weeaboorichie: sorry if ur busy I totally get it

jsnjepson: SORRY SORRY I’m so so sorry I’m sorry I was at Max’s house

jsnjepson: that’s fine that’s fine!! I’m glad you’re settling into things!!

jsnjepson: how’s everything going ?? how are you?

*12/02/21, 9:32 AM*

weeaboorichie: fine

weeaboorichie: school is nice! 

weeaboorichie: me and Ethan have an anime club now and it’s so cool we watch two episodes every Friday and it’s like book club but for anime

weeaboorichie: he’s so cool he got me a jujitsu kaisen hoodie for my birthday!!!

*12/02/21, 12:59 AM*

jsnjepson: that’s cool

jsnjepson: a bunch of scouts came to the last game at hfhs and talked to me and max

jsnjepson: we might get to go to a really good collage for this

jsnjepson: college

jsnjepson: what college are you going too? 

weeaboorichie: uh idk

weeaboorichie: I think the same one as Ethan he has it figured out and stuff

weeaboorichie: I want to at least

weeaboorichie: you could send me whatever college u wanna go too

weeaboorichie: I guess I could look into them

*01/01/22, 1:00 AM.*

weeaboorichie: happy new years

jsnjepson: happy new years

*02/16/22, 9:30 AM*

weeaboorichie: sry it’s been awhile since I checked in

weeaboorichie: hru?

*02/17/22, 2:54 AM*

jsnjepson: good 

jsnjepson: wbu?

weeaboorichie: fine

*02/20/22*

*03/05/22*

*03/15/22*

*03/20/22*

*03/29/22, 12:43*

jsnjepson: I dont think i’m in love with you any more

*Read*

[malatruse]

TSV finale thoughts

uh spoilers ovbiously

initial thoughts

Ok first of all WOW i am dehydrated from crying jfc. like I listened to Eskew, I knew what to expect, but DAMN.

Really lovely work all around. They did a really nice job with representation and making it feel natural and a part of the characters.

No skip kd song to close out the show, which is a little disappointing.

ok so down to the actual events

when faulkner's being all sarcastic about what will happen if he goes with carpenter i was just sitting there thinking 'well damn you can just say you dont wanna go'

they did a really good job of portraying faulkner as someone who's clearly sympathetic but also completely fucked up. who was he following in the water though? i guess it's implied to be an angel but idk. the callback to episode 1 was heartwrenching.

the fakeout at the end with carpenter felt so cruel, they let it go on for so long, she forgot the rest of the lyrics even! speaking of, why didn't that guy's truth come true? i guess it kinda did, but why didn't it happen right away during active wartime?

i love val so much.

it's so upsetting that everyone has to die alone. they couldn't even get back to each other before biting it like cmon.

couple of loose ends

the girl from the birch cult. i thought since they brought her back she would be relevant. maybe she was and i missed it?

the god or spirit or whatever that haunted carpenter when she fell asleep at its altar. she told it she was talking it with her. i hoped to see that manifest somehow

carpenter and paige never talking about how they both knew vaughn!!! cmon!!!

acantha....i guess we're meant to assume she died but :(

themes

strong vibes of 'if the system is this fucked up the only thing to do is abandon it' which is fitting considering the everything happening right now

no one's truly good or bad they just do things and they think they're doing them for a reason but it's not always the reason they think it is

the victors writing the history books. reminds me of in nona the ninth (spoilers for nona the ninth) when pyrrha tells john they can write the history books to say he was a good wizard, as a justification for doing questionable shit to get taken seriously. and we all know how that turned out

closing thoughts

we all need to be nicer to each other because we're all we've got

i love val ;;;;_;;;;

not forgiving yall for that hotel that feeds on hope. you can suck my nuts that kind of infohazard shit fucks people up for real

[lightyearssurrogatedaddy]

magine crying and you wanna tell one of your friends why uou're crying because you want a bit of comfort. But you're afraid of coming in at a bad time like that one time and feeling so guilty about it because they're going through something worse and you cant you CANT talk to anyone because youre afraid everyone else wonfmt get it or wont pay you any attention but you wanan talk to SOMEONE about how youre feeling but you CANT cus even if you were allowed to and didnt have any fear youd still say absolutely nothing.

Oooohhhh i dont wanna b a bother to anyone theyre all going through shit absolute garbage and i know they say it doesnt take energy to care about me i STIL dont wanna bothr them because what if i catch them at a rrally really really bad time or what if i text someome and they dont have an answer and ignore me and the next time they text theyre gunna skip over what i told them and theyre gunna talk.about something else else.

I want a hug hug i want aomeone to tell me its okay but thats way too much to ask from them i dont wanna be a bother i dont wanna be a worry but i kust talked to my therapist today after a month of not being able to chat and we had to do it over phone while my mom was nearby cus we live in the small ass bus and i cant ask her to go outside cus its 11 degrees and i feel like i didnt say enough and now i just really really want a someone but no i dont wanna bother them its late and theres scjool tomorrow and school sucks and i dont want them feeling like they need to cater to my stupid ass.

Im sorry im so so sorry theyre gunna read this sometime and say soemthing really nice but im not gunna read the message for five hours and maybe ill try avoiding it alltogether cus i dont know i dont know why cant you be mean like i expect you to why cant you yell and curse at me like i expect you to why are you so NICE to me.???? Nono i know why but why man. Why in a rhetorical sense. Why in the how do you have the fucking energy for me.

Im sorry. Im done crying. Oh god man its fine i got my favorite stuffed animal and everything

I want a hug can you give me a hug please. I feel so selfish and cruel. Im so scared youre gunna turn on me one day because nobody can be that genuine. Aint nobody in the fucking world who can be this sweet and silly. Im so waiting im so worried i dont ever want that to happen but i feel like it really might even though i know it wont. Why have you never let uour anger out on me even when i deserved it. Im sorry i didnt want to text about this im just hoping this post will stay buried, cus maybe it comforts me knowing it exists and could be discovered by you, but theres the happy chance you never ever see this and i get to not talk about it ever again. My wonderful schrodingers cat is such a comfort to me because then i dont have to worry about an outcome that im positive will happen. I love my maybes.

[cyberdragoninfinity]

if you're still doin the character ask thing, i wanna know how you feel about jack atlas!

YESS oh hell yeah jack is one of my 5ds favs let's GOOOO

favorite thing about them: ok im not done watching all of the ygos but Jack is really one of my favorite ygo rivals, if not my top favorite (it's a close match, I also love chazz and shark...) I just... love that he's this rival character who Does move from being a pompous class traitor cunt to this Still Kind of Cunty But Very Openly Loves His Friends So Much guy (i mean. they did fuck his character up a little bit especially in the absolute final stretch but.i take what i can get.) I love the duel against Fake!Jack, this concept that a ygo rival has to fight a personified physical embodiment of all his worse traits and outwardly proclaims that he Cares About His Loved Ones RULES!!!! hes also hilarious and i love his Resonators--little freaks!!

least favorite thing about them: the aforementioned way they Fucked Up His Character in the second half of the show, just that way they made him Weird About Women and dismissive of Carly ESPECIALLY IN LIKE THE LAST 2-3 EPISODES?!?! :( Like the Carly thing sucks in general but that ship's been sailed. There were definitely better ways they could have 'reset' Jack's character in the second half...sigh. At least there's the aforementioned Fake!Jack duel which rocks hard...and his Arc Cradle duel which is. My Favorite :,)

favorite line: god everything out of dub jack's mouth is so fucking funny. "Like in the dirt." "I'll serve them up a barrelfull of Jack Attack!!" HE'S JUST A BIG DOOFUS. IT'S SO GOOD.

brOTP: his dynamic with yusei and crow is soooo so good ;__; they are BROTHERS!!!!!!!!! i think about his relationship with yusei a lot especially...... like they love each other but also jack fucked things over real bad but he's trying to be better. despite how much they screwed up jack's character in the last like. three episodes. the last 5ds duel with him and yusei does make me cry. it's just a real good duel.

OTP: gotta be that scoopshipping sorry tails if this looks straight to the viewers <3 there is nothing better or funnier than this Mr. Cool Toughguy and his Cringefail Loser Girlfriend that he loves more than anything. He can pick her up in the biggest bear hug i just know it.

nOTP: not big on yusei/jack or jack/crow myself....they are simply foster brothers to me and im vastly more interested in that read. sorry. also dont really like jack/rex goodwin lol that one uhhh kind of sucks!!!!! in the manga thats his fucking dad!!!!!

random headcanon: ive been thinking about transhet jack ever since someone mentioned it in the tags of one of my posts. rex goodwin-funded top surgery. i also know in my heart jack is jacked (lol) and huge. built like gaston. this isnt even subtext this is just text. he can pick up two 12 year olds one handed. also i think he doesnt tip

unpopular opinion: he's a good character and a really solid rival and despite the way they biffed the landing with him in the end game theres still merit to be found in him in the second season!!!! Dx I LIKE HIM....

song i associate with them: i dont know if i have one for him!! it's been hard for me to find songs for the kizuna boys for whatever reason. :(

favorite picture of them:

adios_white_boy.jpg

[itsays]

my gmmtv 2023 review

the interest - now why are we giving pretty privilege boy roles out of his range. AGAIN. be so serious rn. you know who would’ve slayed this role? apo. might watch though ngl lol

beauty newbie - i was like totally sold on it until win came on screen lol it is funny though that he is playing eunwoo’s role... you know... the pretty privilege boys together

our skyy 2 - it’s giving kpop boy group and that’s not a compliment. also there is no way these couples are popular? earthmix ohmnanon and firstkaoh sure i believe you but the rest? somebody call nugupromoter. no offense to joong. 

midnight museum - finally real fucking television. finally gun being cast with a fellow ACTOR. i win. like im so excited ARE YOU DUMB!!!!

the jungle - this doesnt have subs PISSING ME OFF. they need to stop trying to sell us krist as a casanova be so serious rn. the male cast is mostly but not entirely bad... while the female cast is excellent i fear so yes i think i will watch this...

dangerous romance - i dont know what that trailer was supposed to be lol i’ll wait for it to come out to decide ... it doesnt look... good? um... but i guess

faceless love - i do not like dew. sorry to him but in association to bw i do not like him. i was surprised to see peach here? let out a scream when i saw kao. my baby kao being paired up with the enemy i could cry.... you know im watching this be so fucking serious. i see this is based off a jdrama... that i didnt like lol but whatever

only friends - this looks soooooooooo messy. drama of the year idk

loneliness society - there’s A LOT of remakes this year... i kinda wanna watch this but i also kinda dont wanna watch anything with joss in it so idk

last twilight - YOU WILL NEVER BE LAST TWILIGHT IN PHUKER YOU WILL NEVER BE TEH AND OH-AEW YOU WILL NEVER BE BKPP GIVE UP. this sounds like a really interesting concept gmmtv does not have the range for.... but... i might give one or two episodes a chance because again. interesting concept.

wednesday club - the absolute happiness i got when i saw jane here bro she didnt post ANYTHING about this i thought she had no projects i was losing it... MESSY MESSY MESSY YOU KNOW I WILL BE TUNING IN BE SO FUCKING SERIOUS RN ANOTHER CONTENDER FOR DRAMA OF THE YEAR excited for ohm jane and joon together SLAY!

cooking crush - give this ship up to god i BEG gun is way too good for this when will he get something on his level. i would watch for gun honestly. but it doesnt even look GOOD

phro thoe khue rak raek - this does not have an english name. does that mean it’s a lakorn? i dont really like those... i also dont like that prim (it girl btw) is being paired with dew and this is not my vendetta against him i SWEAR it’s because he looks so much older than her even though i googled it and it’s 4 years but idk she’s still a kid

23.5 - well im obviously watching this be so serious rn lol they really threw some bl there out of nowhere i was so confused like alskfjaksjfalk CAN WE LEAVE WOMEN ALONE? PLEASE? anyways this looks so cute uwu 

hidden agenda - i REALLY like joong and i wish all of the projects gmmtv give him didnt SUCK like lmao i am so upset give him something good i beg of you. and if you must use him as fanservice at least AT THE VERY LEAST give him a partner that is up to his caliber. couldnt they just pair joong with jamie IDK! remember my post where i said men get everything handed to them with lead roles for their debut and girls have to work in the background for years to be promoted to support actresses?

double savage - terrible name but i saw ohm with a gun so slay. i didnt understand this trailer at all to be honest but i think i might watch? looks very different from what they usually do so that’s interesting

find yourself - you had me at older woman younger man i fear alskfjakjfa ONE OF MY FAVORITE TROPES AND GUILTY PLEASURES... IF YOU WILL and honestly i was upset because to me it looked like the male lead was 25 and the female lead was like 30 so i was like BOO TOMATO TOMATO they arent even committing but then i googled them and turns out he’s 26 and she’s 42 WOAH that’s a lot. well anyways i most likely will watch this. ok so the characters... 23 and 38... oh that’s bad. just turn off your brains girlies

a boss and a babe - it doesnt look BAD but it doesnt look... good....

enigma - i was REALLY into this until i saw win.... that man does not have the range for this.... also.... is that like... a teacher student relationship.... um.......... i HOPE im the one misunderstanding because that would ruin an otherwise really promising drama?

two videos are hidden and i dont know what they are?... one is definitely cherry magic but what’s the other one and why arent they there? anyways i gotta SAYYYYY i am very curious to see that trailer alskfjaskfjakl

overall thoughts:

i think (at least from this trailers) gmmtv dramas are starting to look better visually which is crazy. but i wonder if they simply used this level of quality because it’s just like. trailers and not the real thing. i hope not because it looks a lot better like this

i dont know if im in the wrong here but i am growing progressively angrier and honestly resentful of bls. the way they are favored the way we get quantity over quality the way they overshadow everything the way they inevitably result in women being thrown to the back and neglected. im starting to think a mass extinction needs to happen. boycotting it isnt enough i need them gone.

you gotta give it to them, they DID stray away from what they usually do in terms of genres and stories...

gmmtv is actually fun when you ignore the bl and focus on the rest i always say this!

i dont think i saw gawin ONCE.... 

no way they’re promoting gawin and krist as a couple😭

i didnt see kapook :( like... she got no projects but i know she was there meaning she’s back to background character :(((

i couldnt help but notice milklove outdid literally half of the bl couples in interactions on twitter and i smile.

honestly. after comparing this year’s review to the last two I HAVE TO SAY. this is MILES better than anything they’ve done before...

i swear to god gmmtv had so many female rookies and i say NONE of them other than prim? although she’s barely even a rookie atp... but the other girls where are they? i swear to god there were at least 5..... nowhere to be seen here

i feel like they are giving prim main girl treatment and that is very pleasing to me bc she is a STAR easily the best actress gmmtv has currently (from the younger side at least)

oh and i forgot. what a wasted opportunity not to have tor and kao together. en fin la hipotenusa.

[ventilation4thesoul]

im so upset right now. the rage has like settled into pure disappointment, frustration, all those types of fucking feelings.

none at po. luckily. like my feelings regarding her are complicated and i still dont really know where i stand consistantly but i digress...

my fucking screen on my phone broke. like wont show anything broke. my phone itself is fine, it turns on and everything and was still connected to the bluetooth. but like what the fuck. WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!! why does this shit keep happening to me??? CONSTANTLY! why am i never allowed to have nice thing, they always fucking break or leave or end up fucking hurting me, and yes this is about more than just my stupid fucking phone.

i will survive a week without it, but holy hell its going to SUCK

i wont have diretions to places, i wont have a way to check my bank bc i dont even know the password its all biometrics now. MY FUCKING PASSWORD NOTE TOO so i f i forget anything im basically fucked. i wont have my calender or anything. FUCK FUCK FUCK

im so frusterated with myself and with life and everything in it. im SO UPSET.

ive been having fleating thoughts of SI, and this is NOT HELPING

everything is starting to feel too fucking big, im self medicating more to dull it, im exhuasted, anxious, ontstantly stressed. i wanna cry so bad, its getting to the point where cutting sounds good. the release i always talk about with it. god im so fucking upset about this.

im gonna have to spend the majority of my paycheck that ive been banking on ALL MONTH. its going to take basically half of it, if not more to fix it. im so upset. i lowkey wish i wasnt alive rn. i wish i could just be a dog i wish i didnt have to do any of this bullshit.

i miss my daddy and i wanna go home away from all this

[s1eepy-0]

vrnt

wikk I ever be enough??? I don't think I will, I can't live up to my parents fucking standards. I hate it. I get treated like a 5 year old, like I'm in capable of doing something without someone looking over my shoulder. I get blamed for shit I DONT FUCKING DO, I DID IT ONCE, ONCE, AND NOW EVERYTIME IT HAPPENS OTS MY GOD DAMN FAULT. I want to cry, I really do, I don't like bottling it up, but I can't let it out. They'll ask what's wrong, and then say in trying to make them feel guilty when I talk about it, and then I'll get a 3 hour long lecture.

Why stay around? Whats the point?? I can't even do what I need to function properly, IT HAS TO BE THE WAY MY MOTHER THINKS IS APPROPRIATE. IT MIGHT BE SMALL THINGS, BUT I STRUGGLE WITHOUT THEM, AND ITS FUCKING PATHETIC! And his forbid I trust anyone in this house. I can't be open about who I am to my father, because that's wrong and I'm going against biology. I can't go to my mother because she can't keep her FUCKING MOUTH SHUT WITH INFORMATION I TRUST HER WITH, SHE HAS TO GO AND TELL MY FATHER, BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK NOT???? AND MY LITTLE BROTHER SHOULDN'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH MY MENTAL HEALTH, NO ONE SHOULD!

It's never ending, it hasn't gone away. Since fucking, September. I just want to curl up into a little ball, and cry my heart out, but from how I've been raised, that's weak and pathetic, what's crying gonna do for you? My parents say I can trust them, but I can't. Not with how they've acted in the past, (from ages 4-ish-to-8ish) I just can't. Not while I'm in their house, they can dictate everything I do. I could change my school, they could beat me or something. I just don't know what to do anymore, I just wanna give in and not breathe anymore

But I can't, I'm almost at thay age where I can get a job, I can't act like this fkrever, at least that's what my father says anyway.

I also just want validation, is that so fucking hard to ask for??? You don't even need to say anything, just a hug or something would be nice. For once, please, I just want a hug. But I feel so bratty for how I feel, I can't help it. I don't know what to do.. I never want my child/children to feel like this if I ever have a kid/kids. It fucking sucks. Anyway, I might take a break from posting for the day. I'll respond to messages and whatever, but, im to mentally drained for jack shit

[malevolententity]

project 16!

16 and a half hour. this project took me 16 and a half hours and i think i want to bash my head into a wall. not because its bad or anything i actually quite like it! but. i started this and thought itd be a 6 hour project. surely only 6 hours. no. 16 and a half hours. this does not look like 16 and a half hours. and yet? and yet it is! i am going insane! i am being taken into the spiral much like the lusidius. 16 and a half hours.

ANYWAYS made a hammock! as i make more things i realized i needed a more permanent and better place to hold all my items so just kinda winged a hammock! i am gonna be messing with placement for the next forever because m not totally happy with the bottom right. i may add a string to that corner so i have a longer anchor somewhere else so i like it more but eh! now we shall see if it actually holds up or if it sucks and i gotta reinforce all the corners.

fun fact! theres about 7 color changes in this because i was winging it with scrap yarn! i wish i coulda planned this better so that stripe of orange and brown was in the center but oh well!

SEASON THOUGHTS SO FAR

i dont even know how to go about this. so. last we left off it was the end of episode 11! i now have exactly one hour and 12 minutes left to the season! i am on episode 16!!!!!!!!! 16!!!!!!!!!!! ive loved every second of this. the twists have been so interesting and so beautifully hinted at that on a rewatch i know m gonna point and yell at things because oh!!!! thats what that means!!! you fucker!!!! i am so so enchanted and endeared to this cast. thiago isnt dead yet!!! thats fun!!! thats cool!!! hes currently asking for a cigarette [02:26:34] because hes probably gonna die right after i hit play on the rest of this episode!!! m not gonna be okay but its fine!

i think. i am going to wait to post this until ive finished the episode. i dont feel like starting a new project yet, i just wanna give myself the treat of watching the ending. with no distractions no matter how small they are. so. i guess thats where ill leave this.

oh shit its an amount of time later and i finished the season time to scream. or cry. i am writing this title before hitting play :D

vou me matar na sua frente. that was a really good ending for the season. everything happened that i anticipated and yet, i have still been a sobbing mess for the past hour. god what a great fucking story.

i wanna double cry tho because the revelando doesnt have subtitles and i Know its because equipe t is focusing on the actual seasons but ohhh i wanna know the secrets i wanna hear everyone talk about things that didnt get shared.

fucked up that i have to wait for desconjuração to finish being translated. last update i saw was in like july they were doing final revisions on the first half but its been silence ever since. hands and knees that they say something soon about how its going i wanna sink my teeth into it.

god m not ready to say goodbye. there may be a slight spam happening immediately or just filling up my queue we shall see. fuck

also fun fact!!!!!! ive been watching season 2 since the beginning of july!!! july 5th was my first post that happened at the start of season 2!!! it took me 16 weeks to watch this season!! the same amount of time it took to record it!!! that wasnt even planned that just kinda happened and i think is fun!

[ninjabelle]

Ok sad post incoming tw I guess

So my cat is 16 and shes probably going to die soon cause she most likelrt has cancer and its caused a tumor and its growing too big and now I have to make this horrfying choice of putting her down or leaving it alone or expensive surgery that cant save her and tomorrow im calling for the options and I know what my vets gonna say already cause hes like very no nonsense but I cant deal with it at all because I got her when I was 15 so ive lived longer with her than without her she is my COMPANION and i can't say goodbye again I cant do eutanasia again but I HAVE TO and I know I do cause I don't want her to be in pain and face this undignified cruel end of life but im so fucking triggered cause its mom.all over again and IM gonna be a mom in like 3 weeks so heavily pregnant and super emotional and burned out and I just wanna curl up on the couch with Muppet and just have everything be okay but I cant fix it and I just wanna cryyyyyy

man this sucks

Like you have no idea how this tiny cat has pulled me through every hardship in my life ever she is my emotional support beast my furry grief counselor my family... shes everything to.me. and if that sounds insane sorry you never had a bond w a pet like that I guess

anyone please pleasr pray there is some sort of non invasive surgery they can do to remove the lump buying her some time of comfort before it all ends, so she can meet my baby and I can let her go gracefully when its the time

Dont let her slip from my hands like this when im not ready to let go

I did that once and it almost killed me

I cant do it again god and shes still got lifee left I wouldnt even panic like this if she really was at deaths door but shes not, not yet

Please someone give me advice if youve been there cause im.so conflicted rn I m never gonna stop crying and shes not even gone yet... please

[trulee-peachy]

The sushi that I splurged on because I wanted to cheer myself up after therapy didn’t come, stupid bitch gave me pet supplies instead

This might be the straw that breaks my back because I feel a meltdown coming on :,)

[firstkokon0is]

good 4 u chifuyu x f!reader

summary: you liked mikey since you saw him, and chifuyu your bestie knows about it but the thing is he also has feelings for you, what is he gnna do? keep on supporting you for mikey or tell his feelings

w: swearings, lil bit of angst but fluff in the end

“y/n, y/n!! oh man ur spacing out again” takemichi throws a little tantrum because you’re not being responsive

you cant focus well, mikey is just close by, with draken as usual.

god what should i do, i wouldn’t ran away again like the last time he approached me

you mentally panicked as mikey slowly approaching your way making every second slow for you

and its like…..

just like….

“yo! takemichy where ya going after school hmm??” with that your whole moment was destroyed, mikey just passed you by like you weren’t even there

im cursing you hanagaki takemichi who do you think you are!! what even are you and why you attach these people so muchh!!

those words of yours for takemichi never came out, he didn’t know that he’s being curse by now just because of mikey.

“oi y/n we need to go to chifuyu he’s taking us to baji-san’s place we’re gonna eat yakisoba” you didn’t even realize that mikey already left, you simply agree and followed him to chifuyu’s

you guys arrived on chifuyu and baji laughing at something, even tho they’re aware of you presences, you sat down beside chifuyu and takemichi sat down beside baji.

“woah you didn’t bring hina?” chifuyu started

“no she said she got a lot of assignments so…” takemichi replied

“whatta great boyfriend bruh, cant wait to be like this in the future” baji laughed

“yeah me too, well y/n why so quiet today huh” chifuyu turned his attention to you

“today sucks, fuck takemichi” you replied with a pout, then chifuyu looked at takemichi like he did something so bad

“tell me y/n did takemichi hit you?” chifuyu asked seriously while takemichi is quacking, scared as shit with a mix of confusion because, how did he made you feel bad

“nope, mikey ignored me for him, its my moment then he’s there im jealous why do you attach good looking boys so much takemichi, thats sus” you complained

“takeeemichiii sussyyy little bakaaa” said the very great troll baji, trying to make the situation more funnier, you laugh at his comment then imitates the among us theme as baji do the same

“nah seriously because takemichi attached me too” chifuyu suddenly commented, really making the situation into something funny

“ayo?” you and baji said in unison, looking at him while takemichi is just done, just fucking done

you guys walk and talk about some random shit, some teas about the famous people in your school until you guys arrived baji’s place, he’s home alone today so he invited you guys and eat yakisoba

chifuyu once again realized how quiet you are today, aside from earlier when you’re joking about among us with baji.

“you must be thinking alot about mikey-kun huh” chifuyu said, leaning his face on his palm and a small smile on his face

as much as he’s happy that you’re happy about mikey, the way when you see a glance of mikey you will smile, your smile is different with mikey, your smile reach heaven when its mikey.

but he also hates, when you’re realizing that mikey is not really interested, when you’re realizing you dont have a single chance, its just when you’re realizing, and someone like mikey wont give you the time and affection that you expected, while he, chifuyu himself can give you everything

but you wont even look at him

“yeah…” you responded thats it for both of you, you immediately changed the topic then baji and takemichi joined in the conversation, until you guys call it a day.

chifuyu offered to walk you home because its kinda dark now outside, plus some gangs might pull up randomly then beat you up for no reason

well that didn’t really happen, what im saying is when there’s chifuyu by your side that’s impossible.

“hey chifuyu…….lets say you like someone….even for you is it possible to like someone else? like you know they dont like you but are you gonna settle for that forever until they pick you because there’s no choice?”

that question hit him like a truck, he doesn’t know what to say, what to answer. especially you’re the one who asked him which made it so hard for him because its you, the one he likes but doesn’t like him back because there’s someone more better than him

“the fuck is that question” chifuyu said along with a chuckle trying to brush the question off, but he was responded with a silence, you were really serious about the question he thought.

“well uh….yes? but no too, because when u really like someone and you’re addicted to them, you tend to look fo them in a another person then lose feelings for them when you find something that isn’t similar to the person that you’re into”

he paused when you suddenly took his hand to go in the playground, both of you sat on a swing and you gave him a hum signaling that he can keep going

“so thats that, but being the second choice for the someone that i like is not bad…..yet heartbreaking because she cant get what she wanted, while i get what i wanted but not as i expected to be, y/n i dont wanna be a second choice my love is true its just i am not mike-” he was driven by his own words and emotions, didn’t even realize what he had said

he quickly turned his gaze to you with widen eyes, while you just look up the sky while smiling

“i see chifuyu……so you like me” you said

there are now tears building on chifuyu’s eyelids, until fat tears dropped down his cheeks, he doesn’t want you to know how he felt about you….because you will change

“okay, i’ve made my decision i am banned to say no to you chifuyu, but you need to prove me that you’re better than mikey, prove me that you can and will treat me right than mikey ”

you get off the swing and stand up, saying those words while looking at his teary yet shocked eyes

“good 4 you chifuyu, i am the one that you liked, i am not giving this opportunity just because i pity you, i am doing this because i know deep in my soul that you’re gonna treat me right, so prove it”

after those words a strong air blew that wiped chifuyu’s tears off his eyes, then he smirked also standing up and looked at you deep in the eyes

“y/n…..i just know you wont last long” he teased

“oh look who’s full of himself right now, just crying earlier because he accidentally confessed” you teased back earning a laugh from him

maybe he’s right, its the first time in a while that you didn’t think of mikey, just chifuyu

and maybe he’s right too, because by just the difference between him and mikey you know who to choose.

chifuyu.

[sanzuslvt]

My God| (m)

pairings. fem Y/N x sanzu  summary. Y/N was saved by sanzu making her his obedient servent asking her to kill for him when this happens she finds out what she's been missing in life.

tags. romance, face fucking, degrading, praise, pain kink, use of pet names, deepthroat, soft-dom!sanzu, mentions of suicide

A/N. HIIII this is my first fic lmao I have no idea how to write but anyways this is for the sanzu simps bc yk I luv y'all anyways lmk what I can do to be better and yea enjoy. also minos DNI 

word count. 1.5k 

Y/N can't remember, she can’t remember the day that she became absolutely obsessed with the man who stole her heart and life. It feels like a blur at first it was the fact that he saved her life, But as time moved on it turned into this undying love for him. Somehow it turned to him bending her over and stuffing her full of all that he had. Y/N also knew she knew he didn't love her, she was being used and she understood that but this love she had for him was so deep that she would do anything even if she had to KILL.

Flashback

She stood on the edge of the building for hours now. She didn't know if she really wanted to die. Y/N felt like this was the only way but the truth is that she was just so scared. So she just stood there all alone on the roof crying until she heard a voice from the shadows behind her

“Why don't you jump.” “i’ve been watching you for a while now”

“I-i dont know… im scared” Y/N muttered under her breath  

“What's there to be scared of? You are gonna end ur life right. If you do it then no one will get the chance to save you.”

When he said that it stuck a cord in her heart contrary to what she was thinking she turned around to face who she was speaking to she fell… as she was falling it felt like 10 minutes but she felt like this might be a sign that the person she was talking to was bad for so she shut her eyes and fell until she felt the rough calloused hands of someone grab her ankle.

She looked up to see the person who saved her and he was there. It was love at first sight. His unhinged smile with two scars on the side of his mouth, he had a pink mullet and he was absolutely beautiful. Was this what angels looked like, she thought and he just smiled as he stared down at her before bringing her up from her plummet. This was the first time we met sanzu haruchika. Y/N felt this undying need to please him and obey his every order and so that's what she did. She followed him and obeyed every commend she was his little pet and she wasn't about to give that up

When he first asked her to kill for her it was nerve wracking. She knew what his job was before and she knew he wasn't innocent. She saw the blood and the pills but it drew her in even more than she could explain. But even when she was asked to kill for him she did it. Y/N was too in love to say no. He said the job had to be her. He told her she was beautiful and that for the man to take the bait it had to be her. Even when she knew it was a lie she still agreed but here she was standing outside of the wear house waiting for the signal to move in. Y/N is beautiful. She's fairly tan with hazel eyes and hair so long it made girls envy. This job was to seduce the man long enough to get him to leave and go to the empty warehouse with her and she was hesitant she could do it but anything for sanzu. When she got the signal she moved in seductively walking up to her prey. After a few drinks the man whispered in her ear

“wanna get out of here love”

It made her squirm in disgust but she replied with

“Of course i know the perfect place”

Y/N brought the man to the rundown warehouse and as any sane person would he was skeptical but she was so attractive it was a hard opportunity to miss. They quickly got to businus Y/N kissed the man and it quickly turned to a make out. She was disgusted, repulsed even by the man he wasn't unattractive but the only one she wanted was sanzu. When she noticed he was drawn into the makeout she quietly but surely drew Santos' gun, she put it up to his head and BAM he was gone. Y/N stood there for a few seconds in shock over what happened but was quickly taken out of her shoke by hearing sanzus beautiful laughter come out of the shadows

“ AHHH i knew my good girl could do it” he said approaching you and wiping off the blood for your face and chest

“You look so beautiful like this.”

“S-sanzu what did i just do” y/n said almost in tears

“Aww don't cry baby girl… you were just doing what i asked of you and you did such a good job”

He said as he embraced her in a cold hug. Once she returned to reality Y/N felt the hard shaft between her thighs. She wanted to please him bringing her hand to his cock she slowly rubbed his mound

“Tsk tsk tsk look my darling is so impatient”

“I just want to please you, let me make you cum

Sanzu then grabbed her hair pulling her down to her knees. She winced from the pain but she could feel her arousal pooling in her panties.

“Take them off darling take my dick out for me’

She obeyed. She could see the print of his crotch in his boxers and it made her savivate she wanted him. She NEEDED him. She then grabbed the rim of his boxers letting his cock spring out smacking his lower abdomen. No matter how much she saw it, it always impressed her. Oh it was so beautiful the beautiful pink color of the tip and the single vein running down the bottom of it. She wanted it in her. Abruptly he pulled her hair making her head fall back and her mouth run open.he slipped his thumb in and she sucked it knowing how much he liked it.

“Mhmm always a good little girl for me”

She nodded her head giving him her big pretty puppy dog eyes

“Don't look at me like that, it makes me want to destroy you.”

He said grinning from ear to ear.

“Open ur mouth” sanzu commanded

And that's exactly what she opened her mouth slipping his cock inside she hollowed out her cheeks like a good little girl would.

“Suck” he said grinning like a mad man

And so she started off slow and she got faster and faster with each bob of her head. It was moving smoothly until Sanzu gripped her hair and forced his cock down her throat. She gagged at the sudden intrusion of her throat and gripped his thighs telling him to stop. But he just got faster and faster fucking into her mouth.

“Do you enjoy that huh. Just like you enjoyed being a little whore earlier, letting that guy touch you like I wasn't watching.” “i bet it turned you on didnt it huh sluting out infront of me” He pulled out of her mouth.

“Speak”

“S-sanzu p-please i love you and only you so please use me like you've never used anyone im your cum slut… i-im only a slut for y-you. S-sanzu ah”

He stuffed himself down your throat again making you yelp out of pain and pleasure.

“Show me. Show me… cum from my words baby then i'll know you love me. DO IT.”

Y/N slowly removed her hand from his thigh and lowered it to her clit. She could feel her heat from the thin denim shorts she was wearing. She rubbed small circles around the sensitive area on her mound and she slowly got faster and faster. She moaned on sanzus dick making him fucking her face even more enjoyable. She could feel herself nearing the end and she could feel sanzu was almost there too. It was so hard to breathe at the pace he was pounding her face but she put up with it and she needed to help him.

A few moments before she came she looked up terms brimming her eyes. Everything felt so vivid, her fingers inside of her cunt senzus hands gripping her hair and his dick flowing in and out of her. But the most unforgettable thing was his face, his beautiful scars, his whimsical smile and his amazing eyes. It's almost like the unforgettable night when he saved her. Then when both of their eyes met they both came. This was the first time that Y/N had felt something so fascinating. She felt her cum running down her thighs and she felt his going down her throat. At that moment She felt so lucky it didn't matter if he didnt love her or if she was being used. she knew she just knew that he was the… he was her GOD.

[smutsonian]

Hey,since your writing is amazing can I request a fic where Steve thinks u cheated on him (probably with Bucky) and decides to punish u with rough sex and then he finds out he was mistaken and tries to make it up to u but you weren't having it because trust in a relationship is very important.So it kinda becomes smut+angst (The juicer the better) Thank u💞

mutual trust

steve rogers x reader

summary: you tell steve that without trust, your relationship would always have problems

warnings: smut, angst, jealousy, slight crack fic, ahh that’s it? Tell me if i missed something. Not proofread.

word count: 2.2k

a/n: i wrote two fics today how bout that? (I also cried to times so maybe that’s where I got the motivation and inspiration. Dont worry i cried because of a story and a movie) also, thank you nonnie!

masterlist

“You have to tell him!” Steve hears your harsh whisper just behind the door. Who were you talking to? Why were you hiding? 

 “Why me? He’s your problem!” Steve is surprised to hear his best friend’s voice. He hears Bucky grunt in defeat before a sound made Steve’s heart stop.

“Oh god! That’s so good!” He hears your familiar moans and he wouldn’t believe the voices in his head if it weren’t for Bucky’s words.

 “God, doll! I don’t regret this at all!” Bucky lets out a moan as well before grunting in satisfaction.

Steve listens to your harmonized moans before he decided that he has had enough for it. 

 He’s going to show everyone that you’re his. He’s going to show you and he’s going to show Bucky.

  “Oh god, I am so full!” You let out a cry before plopping on your belly on Bucky’s soft bed.

 “But I want more!” Bucky whines, licking the already clean spoon.

 You scoff at him before letting out a chuckle. 

 “How’d you think Sam will react after finding out that his tub of oh-so-delicious ice cream is gone?” You turn on your back before leaning on your elbows to look at Bucky.

 “He’s probably going to lose it. He’s a very dramatic guy.” Bucky rolls his eyes at the thought before sighing at your next words.

 “Well, too bad that you’ll be the one telling him.” You quickly stand, heading towards his door.

 “Doll, that’s unfair!” He whines once more.

 “Huh? Sorry, can’t hear ya! Gonna go to my lovely boyfriend now. See ya!” You quickly shut his door before prancing towards your shared room with Steve, your lovely boyfriend.

  “Hey, Steviee…” You quickly walk towards your boyfriend before wrapping your hand around his neck and standing on your tippy-toes to place on his lips. He would usually return it with a kiss on your nose but what he did surprised you.

 His giant hand makes its way towards your neck and the next thing you know, you’re harshly pinned against the wall that Steve’s been staring at for hours.

 “S-Stevie?” Steve’s jaw clenches at the way your innocent eyes stared at him. He should’ve known that other men would want a piece of his girl. She’s too enchanting to be ignored.

 “You’re mine. You remember that, okay?” Steve asks, voice threatening but his frown softens a little when you nod at him.

 “Good girl…” He whispers before slamming his lips on yours, tongue forcing their way into you and lapping at your helpless tongue.

 “You belong to me as much as I belong to you, I know you know that…” He grins when you start whimpering against his lips. The hand on your neck tightens slightly while his other hand finds its way up to your skirt and under your soaking panties.

 “Ahh… Is this for me?” Steve asks. 

 “This is for me, right? Not for someone else?” His voice becomes harsher and he forcefully inserts a finger and then another, prying answers from you. He needed you to assure him. He needed to know that you’re wet for him and not his best friend.

 “Y-yes, Stevie! Only you!” Your eyes roll at the sensation of Steve’s fingers and before you could even find release, his hand was pulled out of you.

 “W-What?” You yelp when you’re harshly turned, your chest pressing against the wall while Steve’s hand is now on the back of your neck while the other is rashly pulling his pants off.

 “Want you to feel all of me…” He whispers and before you know it, his cock is piercing through you without end until his full length is inside of you. Your body is trembling but Steve’s body is holding you up against the wall so you wouldn’t fall.

 “You feel me, baby? You feel me deep inside you?” His hand snakes toward your stomach, whimpering and moaning when he pushes on it to feel himself against your skin.

 “So good for me, baby… So perfect for me…” He whispers beside your ear before placing a kiss on your neck and sucking on it like his life depended on it.

 “STEVE!” You scream as he started thrusting into you harshly, making your toes curl in ecstasy. 

 “Oh my god, YES!” Your body continues to rub the wall as he continues to pistol into you but you didn’t care because right now, Steve is making you feel so good. He’s owning you and you’re liking it. He’s never usually rough but now… Now that you’ve tasted it, you didn’t know if you wanted soft Stevie back.

“You’re going to cum for me?” The hand on the nape of your neck snakes to the front so he was pulling your body against his while his other finds your clit, encouraging you to cum around his cock.

 “I can feel your greedy pussy pulsing around my cock, baby. Come on… Cum for me, baby… Milk my fucking cock…” He ruts into you a few more times before you’re crying out loud… and he’s crying out loud… You’re pretty sure that everyone in the compound can hear you but you didn’t care.

 You’re too busy feeling Steve’s liquid filling your stomach.

 “You’re mine, baby… He’ll see. Everyone will see…” He presses a kiss on your forehead as your hooded and tired eyes fluttered shut. He catches you when you pass out, your body limp in his arms as he carried you to bed. Washing you with care as if you’re the most important thing in the world. 

  You wake up feeling sore down there and on your neck but the memories of last night made you smile. Steve really just did that.

 But then you remember Sam’s ice cream and suddenly the smile left your face but a devious one replaces it. What drama will Sam put on now? 

 Feeling a little bad for letting Bucky tell Sam alone, you quickly cleaned yourself up before power walking towards the kitchen where they would probably eating breakfast.

 Your heart started thudding louder at the grunts and the sound of punches being thrown. Sam must’ve been really wanting to eat that ice cream for him to attack Bucky…

 But when you reached the kitchen, it was a scene that you didn’t expect to see. Sam was holding Steve back from getting another blow onto Bucky’s bloody face.

 “S-Stevie?” Your voice makes Steve turn his attention from Bucky to you. His glare turns into a smirk before he shrugs Sam off. He walks towards you before kissing you the same way he did last night. With possession. 

 “Stevie… What’s wrong?” You whisper after pulling away from him.

 He wraps an arm around you before pulling you closer to him. He fixes your hair so the marks he left last night is in full view for anyone, more importantly, for Bucky.

 Bucky scoffs before shaking his head at Steve.

 “You’ve got it all wrong, punk. You have to start listening before things start to get messy for you. You’re starting something you don’t wanna start--”

 “And what is that. Bucky?! You’re the one starting shit here. You’re touching something that’s not yours!”

 “For fuck’s sake, Steve! I’m not fucking your girl!” Bucky’s words made the room quiet, only Steve’s heavy breathing could be heard.

 “W-what are you talking about? Bucky? Steve?” You look at Bucky and Steve in confusion.

 “Steve’s saying that I’m making you cheat on him,” Bucky said with a glare towards his best friend.

 “Wh-Why would you think that, Steve?” Steve’s heart skips a beat at the lack of his nickname on your words.

 “I heard everything yesterday. Y-You… He was moaning in his room with you...” Steve explained and was answered by Bucky’s unamused laugh.

 “Oh, right! We were moaning about how good Sam’s ice cream was. We were deciding who’s going to tell Sam but I guess that’s out of our worries now, ain’t it, doll?” Bucky gives you a faux smile before turning back to a surprised Steve.

 “Wait… You ate my…” Sam opened the fridge and it looked like he was about to say something but he shook his head. 

 “Not the time, Sam… This is not the time…” He tells himself before looking back at the three of you.

 “Well, it’s all just a misunderstanding… We can all just forget about it and--” He was cut off by your big movements. You pried Steve’s arm away from you as you stepped back with a look on your face. Whatever it was, Steve didn’t like it.

 “Y-you think I’m cheating on you? But you just… Last night…” Your eyes widened in realization and Steve shook his head immediately, knowing what you’re thinking.

 “I can’t believe you! W-What were you trying to accomplish, Steve?! You did all that just to prove a point?! And there I thought you were actually doing it for me, you asshole!” You cried before turning towards Bucky. 

 “I’m sorry for dragging you into this mess. I didn’t know that I wasn’t allowed to enjoy some time with my friends.” You sob before turning towards Sam.

 “I’ll replace your ice cream, Sam… I’m sorry as well…” The guys watch as you let out a tired sigh while Steve tried to reach for you.

 “Baby… It’s not like that! I-I did it for you! For us!” Steve pulled you into a hug, refusing to let you go. Refusing to let you walk out of his life.

 Sam gave Bucky a look and then they walked out of the kitchen, giving you and Steve some privacy.

 “You don’t trust me enough that you’d think I’d cheat on you?” Your voice was broken and Steve’s heart couldn’t bear it.

 “No! I mean, yes… I trust you, baby! I just don’t trust Bucky with you! I don’t trust anyone with you! People would do anything to take you away from me and, and--”

 “And you don’t trust me enough that you think that I’ll let them take me away from you? Do I make you feel like that? Am I doing things that make you think that I’ll do that to you?” You cry as he shakes his head.

 “No, baby… It’s just me being… me. I’m being ridiculous, I’m sorry. There’s no excuse for being an asshole. Please, forgive me.”

 “You don’t trust me, Steve. There will always be a problem if you don’t trust me, Steve….” Your voice started to become dismissive and it scared Steve endlessly.

 “I-I know… I know, baby… I’ll be better. Please. I trust you. I fucking do! I’m just scared, okay? I don’t want anyone taking you away from me. It’s not just Bucky, okay… That was a mistake. I know you two would never do anything like that. There’s just always a threat when I’m around and I don’t trust myself to be able to protect you all the time. I love you too much and I can’t afford to lose you, okay? Baby, I fucking love you too much…” He starts to cry as well, his hold on you becoming tighter and desperate.

 “You have to start trusting me, Steve… I know what I’m getting into and I won’t let anything happen to me, to you, or to anyone else here. You have to start trusting me, Stevie. If we want this to work, you’ll have to trust me…”

 Steve eagerly nodded, his chin hitting your head slightly, finally glad to hear that nickname again.

 “I promise. I fucking promise. I’m sorry for being a fucking asshole. There’s no excuse and I will forever be making up for it.” He pulls away to look at your face, slightly feeling better at the now loving look on your face.

 “I’m just hoping that you trust me enough to give me a second chance…” He tilts his head to the side, smiling sadly yet cheekily at you.

 “That’s the thing, Stevie…” You sighed exasperatedly as you looked down at the floor.

 Steve’s heart shattered at the action. Were you going to deny him? Leave him?

 His heart stopped when you turn to look at him with a teasing smile.

 “I’ve always trusted you. Until now, I trust you with my life and my heart but please… For the love of Sam’s delicious ice creams…. Would you please just trust me? Trust your friends… Not everyone is out to do you wrong, Stevie…” You smile at him before letting him pull you back in his arms, your arms wrapping around his big frame.

 “Thank you. And do trust you, baby. I promise to not be a coward anymore…” He chuckles before kissing the top of your head, whispering endless thanks for taking him back.

 “You won’t regret it…” Steve whispered.

 “Yeah, but she’ll regret eating my ice cream!” Sam’s voice was heard followed by an ‘ow’ when Bucky slaps his head.

 “Glad to have you back, punk.” He grins at Steve as Steve smiles at him apologetically. 

 “Sorry…” Steve whispers as they too shared a hug.

 “Just treat your girl right, punk.” Bucky smiles at Steve then at you.

 “I will,” Steve replied assuringly before pulling you closer to him. He’ll do anything and everything for you.

---

taglist

General: @readermia @unlikelygalaxygiver @xoxabs88xox @anncutamarica @chaoticfiretaconerd @i-love-superhero @caffiend-queen @coconutqueen21 @jtargaryen18 @jennmurawski13 @mushyjellybeans @ninjabucky @evnscvll @buckstaybucky @donutloverxo @rebloggingeverything @adriannajackson @la-cey @awaywithtime @gotnofucks @empath-bunny @belovedcherry @littlegasps

Anything Chris: @patzammit @princess-evans-addict @shadowcatsworld @notyourtypicalrose @onetwo3000 @bluemusickid @heyiamthatbitch @inlovewiththefictionalcharacters @slytherinandoutasgard

Chris and seb: @harrysthiccthighss

Marvel: @jemzeraion   

[sallyf4ce]

wolves

chapter III

-> sallyfacexf!reader

-> enemies? to lovers

-> previous | next

cw: drugs, cigarettes, abuse, violence

*does not follow original plot of sally face*

summary: (y/n) wakes up early to avoid sally. sally’s upset that he did something wrong yesterday. (y/n)’s first meeting with travis isn’t the nicest.

The incessant beeping of your alarm tugs you out of your dreamless sleep.

The sticky tears on the ground remind you of yesterday’s events, but you disregard them. All you want to do is take a shower, throw on your jacket and get out the door. You slowly clamber up off the ground and across the living room to turn off the alarm. After making sure it’s not on snooze, you drag your sore body to the shower. It smells like smoke and lots of cleaning supplies. This place is fucking gross. Is it even monday?’ you check the calendar. It is, in fact, monday. You strip and turn the shower handle.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

You're so glad that you chose to wake up early. Usually kids this far from school drive or get picked up by the bus, but you prefer to use your skateboard. That’s why you get up at 6:30, so you have enough time to get ready and get to school on time. Sanity’s fall quietly played as you washed your breakfast plate and cup, brushing grease residue off the greyish porcelain. You wonder if Sal is awake yet. Probably not. You know, waking up early ensures that you won't see him in the morning. The guy’s not that bad, his eyes just freak you out a little.

Pulling the pink glove off your prosthetic, you wipe your hands with a towel and move to the closet to put your shoes on.

“Jacket, jacket, jacket, jacket.” you mumble, eyebrows knitted. “Where are you?” oh, right, you left it in your room.. With poppy. Was that even her name? You kind of just decided it for her.

Alright, don't be a pussy. Just go in and grab the jacket. You sucked in a breath and opened the door to your room.

“Eeh! A teenager! What’s your name, little lady?” her blond ponytail bounced with every sentence. This was the first time you could get a good look at her. She didn't really have feet, just bloody stumps where they used to be.

“Holy fuck, you’re so loud!” your hands covered your ears.

“Ahh, so sorry! I haven't used my voice in years.” she coughs.

“S’ fine... Can I just- just grab my jacket?” you point at the green pile amidst the boxes all around the room. You didn't get a chance to set up.

“Go ahead!” she nods and smiles.

“Alright. uh, listen, lady. This-” you motion towards the whole room. “Is my room. I live here now. I get that you, like, can't leave this place and shit, but could you maybe sit quietly while i set up later? I really need to clean my room up. I’ll set up a little chair place for you or whatever, so you could sleep at night.” you mumble the last part, embarrassed about your hospitality.

“I can’t sleep.” she smiles, her teeth surprisingly shiny for a ghost’s. God, she’s so preppy that you forgot she’s dead.

“Pretend to then, i dont fucking know. Alright, i have to go. Just… don't cause trouble.” grabbing the jacket, you begin shutting the door. “My name’s (y/n), by the way.”

You can hear her squeals as you leave the apartment. You decide to take the elevator because you don't feel like running down the stairs with a heavy ass bag on your back.. Stepping in, you press the main floor button. It looks like there’s a bit of sticky stuff around it. gross. Syrup? You hoped so.

The elevator dings and you step out, heading out the front doors. It’s cloudy. Again. Not a surprise, really. Keeping your eyes on the gravel, you set down your skateboard and begin your journey to school.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Sal’s point of view:

“She probably went on without us, man. Don’t know why you're worrying so much.'' Larry leaned back into the bus seat.

“It’s not that, Larry face. Yesterday, when we left…” was it my fault? Did i scare her? Did she see my face through the mask? Fuck.

“What is it? Spit it out, sally dude.” he pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and puffed the smoke out the window.

“I think i scared her, larry. I think she saw my face.” i let out a shaky breath. God, everything was going good. Why the fuck does this stupid face ruin everything?

“Did you- did you take your mask off?” he sat up in the seat, eyes wide.

“No. She probably saw it through my mask.”

“I still dont get it. Explain more, dude.”

“She looked so scared. We made eye contact, and she, like, panicked. Her eyes widened and then she threw me out. It was definitely my eyes. We were fine the whole night, i dont know why she freaked out.”

Larry let out a long hum. He was probably trying to piece things together. Anyway, she definitely went to school earlier than us. I can ask her about it there.

“Woah, sally face. Calm down or you’ll go bald.” larry’s hands pulled mine off my pigtails. Huh, i didnt even notice.

“Thanks, dude. I think we’re here.”

Your point of view:

It was around eight o’clock by the time you arrived. Kids were already piling out of buses and cars, standing by the school’s entrance and conversing with their friends. You definitely felt some eyes on you. That was expected, though. They didnt recognize you, and nockfell didnt seem like a town with many new people. Thinking back to yesterday, sal and larry mentioned some bully kid. Probably wouldnt be hard to spot him.

“Watch it, goth freak!” a pair of hands gripped onto your shoulders.

Ah, what a coincidence.

“Get the fuck off me, fucking prick.” he twitched as you gripped onto his hands and pushed him away.

“Is that a metal hand? Ha, you’re a fucking cripple! How pathetic.” he chuckled. Blond hair draped itself across his forehead, definitely not complimenting the purple shade of his shirt and eye. School fight? or daddy issues? Who knows. I mean, you’re not one to speak, your dad’s literally dead.

“Let me guess, you’re that bully fucker they talked about. God, isnt there enough troubled kids in Nockfell?” you rolled your eyes, just wanting to get to school.

When you said you had bad luck, you really meant it, because all of a sudden, his fist landed on your face.

Are you fucking serious?

You just moved here yesterday and you’ve already been fucked up twice. You can’t keep taking hits, (y/n)! You gotta dish some out!

Sighing in disbelief, you reached out to your gushing nose.

“Mother.” you flicked the blood off your prosthetic hand. “Fucker.”

At this, travis bolts. You drop your bag and get back on your skateboard, weaving through the crowd to get to that shrimpy little fuck.

“I’m so fucking done with nockfell.” blood trails down the side of your face as you lock your eyes on the blond mop of hair in front of you.

Do you jump? Or let him get away?

Nah, you jump.

The skateboard shoots out beneath you as you kick off. He lets out a strangled cry as you land on his back and send him to the concrete. A few whoops can be heard from the kids far behind you.

“Fuck, i’m sorry! Get off me!” he scrambles beneath you.

“Now you’re fucking sorry?”

He doesnt say anything. You slowly climb off, keeping a hand on his neck.

“Pussy.” a snicker escapes you.

“What’d you just-” the hand on his neck squeezes tighter and shuts him up.

“What’s your name again?”

“Tr-travis, fuck.”

“Travis, huh? Well, travis-”

“(Y/n)? What are you doing on Travis?”

Sal’s point of view:

Me and larry were getting off the bus when we heard a bunch of cheering. Weird. I looked in the direction larry was staring. Hold on, that’s travis and some other kid on top of him.

“Sally face! I think that’s fucking (Y/n)! Holy shit!” larry shakes my shoulder. That’s actually her! What is she doing on travis?

“Larry, c’mon, we have to go get her off!” i try pulling him away, but he doesnt budge.

“No way, man! I wanna see her beat him up! She’s doing what you won’t let me do!” he smiles wide. Fuck, i guess i’ll just have to go alone. Larry frowns as i drop my bag and begin running towards them. I’m not letting her get in trouble on the first day. I hear her say something to him as i come closer.

“(Y/n)? What are you doing on travis?���

She looks up in surprise. Holy shit, she’s bleeding!

“I’ve gotten fucked up twice in the past 24 hours. I’m not letting this fuck get away with it.” She snarls. As bad as i feel, she’s kind of attractive, bloody and feral like that. God, what the fuck? Not time for this, sal.

“Oh my god, (y/n)! Here, uh, get up and i’ll take you to the office.”

Your point of view:

You look back at travis. There’s a visible blush on his face, and he’s staring straight at sally.

Oh.

OH.

A smirk forms on your face.

“No thanks, porcelain face. Me and blondie here will go by ourselves. Right?”

He growls, but you tighten your grip on his neck again and he nods.

“Uh, okay. Do you want me to take your skateboard or something?” Sal scratches his head and changes the topic. Just a sliver of jealousy can be found in him, but he is grateful for the nickname. It suits him.

Your expression darkens for a second, all of a sudden feeling possessive of your skateboard. He’s not touching it. It was your dad’s.

“No. Take my bag or something.” you nod towards it by the entrance of the school, where it sits. He obeys and gets up to pick up your bag. You pull travis up with you, blood dripping down your shirt and an arm around his shoulders. Sal’s quite a bit away at this point.

“You gay?” you hum. Travis’s back straightens and fear flashes through his eyes. How did you know? How the fuck did you know?

“No! Fuck you, you’re just a pussy who thinks she knows everything-” he starts yelling, trying to get away, but you interrupt him.

“God, shut up. You’re making my head hurt more. It’s okay, you know. I wont fucking tell anyone about your little self exploration journey.” you pat him on the back and he flushes.

“Fuck, you’re so sappy it’s disgusting.”

“I’m not gonna be a dick to someone because of their sexuality, fuckass. I’m not that low. Let’s get to the school.”

taglist: @dream-of-eros @potatochic2003 @mr-bombastic @purelydarling @ghostfacefricker6969 @deadpoetsandhoney

[sleep-deprived-lesbian]

HADESTOWN THOUGHTS BC IM STILL VIBRATING

-one of the guys who works at the theater told me this building was chosen specifically bc the mural on the ceiling is of roman gods and. hrgh i just think thats neat

-t oliver reid manages to be just as gay as andre de shields which is the highest compliment i could give anyone ever and hes somehow even more chaotic?? at one point during livin it up on top he just bursted into hysterical laughter and it was great

-jewelle blackman...... ilysm..... shes not as chaotic as amber but in the second act. holy shit. she seemed so elegant and put together in act one and then in our lady of the underground she is a WRECK and its so impactful

-tom hewitt is just. everything i expected tbh. just as good as patrick page but hes a little more dramatic. in videos id seen his voice wasnt as deep as patricks but on stage i really couldnt tell the difference, still very intimidating

-sayo oni is my new favorite orpheus. he just is orpheus to me now. id never heard of him before but hes SO GOOD. he legitimately has the voice of a fucking angel and he takes reeves adorkability level to a 100. he kept randomly hugging eurydice and the way he did it was just really cute?? idk how to describe it but it looked autistic somehow. orpheus is autistic but this orpheus is especially autistic

-jessie shelton!!! her eurydice took the emo level up which i love. evas eurydice is pessimistic and skeptical but still pretty gentle. jessies eurydice is just like. "life sucks asshole deal with it!" shes a lot more rough and it kinda reminded me of the concept album eurydice. she legitimately seemed mad that she fell in love with orpheus lol

-the fates are even more mischievous than i expected!!! i dont remember when but at some point one of them cackled really loudly it was great. every once in a while they would fuck someone over and just go >:3c

-during the first few songs when persephone and hades were on the balcony they were like? playing chess or something? there wasnt anything on the table but the way they were miming made it seem like they were playing some kinda board game. idk i just thought that was funny

-in wedding song when eurydice is like jeering for him to sing and she goes "you wanna take me home?" she seductively pulls down her jacket for a second lmao

-goddd the lighting is so good. i love how in way down hadestown it was flashing red and orange which made it feel ominous yet jaunty at the same time? like both hellfire and a sunset. i wasnt really sure how it was supposed to make me feel and i think that was the point!

-persephone seemed genuinely excited to go back and see hades again! she only got upset when she thought of how shed have to leave everybody else behind

-THE CELLO SYNCING TO HADES STEPS

-i know everyone gushes about the stage shift but. god. the stage shift.

-hermes was the only one onstage who didnt sing during why we build the wall and it was really striking bc he was standing opposite persephone but he just looked really sad the whole time

-persephones dancing in our lady of the underground..... maam do you like women.....

-flowers. oh my god flowers was just amazing it was so emotional

-HADES LAUGH IN PAPERS. IT WAS SO GOOD. evil laughs are so hard to execute well but he was great. he made it sound intimidating and unhinged while also sounding genuinely amused

-if its true just. agfhfhgggb. sayo is fucking amazing. idek what to say about it hes just amazing

-i knew the lights flicker after "i conduct the electric city" but i was still not prepared

-PERSEPHONE CRIED WHEN HADES SANG THE LA LA LA TO HER. she looked so so happy argtrhtrghgf

-for some reason hermes made "and you know what they did?" sound suggestive which. was certainly a choice

-orpheus turning was just. so subtle and soft. like he didnt realize what he did for a second. oh my god

-normally the shifts up and down were pretty slow but they just fucking pulled her down there huh

-im pretty sure hermes was crying during road to hell reprise. same bro

-i didnt actually cry which i was kinda disappointed by but i did come close! i dont usually cry at fiction i just scream

-special shoutout to the guy behind me as we were walking out of the theater who yelled "hades can GET IT"