#i really wanted muta and toto be stuck singing kiss the girl

[catsafarithewriter]

Day 3: Angels and Demons

A/N: Oh grimm, I’m behind schedule. Oops? Anyway, please enjoy!

x

Toto had tried the distant guardian angel approach for nearly two millennia before deciding it wasn’t for him. 

He appreciated the logic. After all, mortals had such brief lifespans that it was foolish to get too close - and guardian angels got plenty close given their innate bond with their mortal-of-the-generation. But, after centuries of watching from afar, he had received a most unusual mortal. 

“Yer gonna get in trouble for it,” Muta said. 

“With who?” Toto asked. He sat atop the museum rooftop, watching people scurry from one fleeting moment to the next, a half-ghost amid the city’s smog. “There’s no actual rule saying we can’t meet our mortal. In fact,” he continued, a smidgen too smugly to be simply pointing out fact, “the occasional interaction is encouraged. Give them a little nudge in the right direction and all.”

“Yeah, emphasis on the occasional. I’m jus’ saying, there’s a reason we keep our distance.”

“You spend almost all your time in mortal shape in the Human World,” Toto reminded his fellow guardian, a tad accusingly. 

“As a cat, yeah. I never actually start a conversation with anyone.”

“Probably because you have nothing good to say.”

“Cause the world just ain’t ready for me yet.”

Toto snorted, but didn’t take the bait.

They watched the world below in silence. 

“I mean,” Toto continued eventually, “he’s barely mortal anyway. So it doesn’t count.”

“He’ll die one day.”

“Not for a long while yet. Not within a human lifespan.”

“Maybe.”

Toto cast his gaze across at the other angel. “You’re just a ray of sunshine, anyone ever tell you that?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Another silence passed. This time it was Muta who broke it. 

“So yer all set then? Yer really gonna meet him?”

“I think so.”

“How’s that even gonna go? Are ya just gonna be like, hey, I’m yer guardian angel, be not afraid?”

“Give me a little credit. I’ll introduce myself as a creature like him. A Creation. That should bypass any questions about my own long lifespan.”

“Oh, lying. Are ya sure that’s allowed?”

“Well, if I don’t burst into blasphemous flames, I’ll assume so.”

“Yer picked a mortal shape yet?”

“I don’t know.” Toto watched the dimming horizon, the silhouettes of seagulls stark against the rosy sky. “I’m thinking something with wings. Something unremarkable. A corvid, maybe.” 

“I always knew you had a birdbrain.”

“Very funny.”

Muta caught Toto’s eye, and the smile wasn’t entirely sure. “Jus’, ya know, don’t get too attached. Even Creations can die.”

Toto grinned. “He’s practically immortal. Unless he’s stupid, he’ll be around for a good long while yet.”

x

“So. How’s the fake-immortal?”

“Stupid.”

Muta chortled. “Told ya it was a mistake.”

“It’s not a mistake,” Toto retorted. He shuffled his wings - the mortal bird form was still taking some getting used to, even now - and tried to look unruffled. “I’m making far more progress working alongside him than I would watching from afar. It’s just...” He cawed in disgruntlement and tried again. “It’s just he keeps running into stupid situations.”

“So he thinks he’s immortal. Got it.”

“No, it’s not that, it’s...” And Toto struggled to pin down exactly what kind of mental pathways went on in his charge’s head. “Well, maybe partly, but... he’s just very bad at making plans that work. And sticking to them. And aren’t needlessly dramatic. He somehow ended up trapped in a dog kennel last week while trying to find a little girl’s lost toy. I had to fly in to get him out.”

Muta grunted. “Oh yeah, you got that Bureau thing happening. How’s it going?”

“It’s... doing its job.” 

“Which is?”

“It gives him a purpose.” Toto was silent for a moment, and for once Muta didn’t take the opportunity to butt in. “You and I have each other, but Creations are so rare that if I wasn’t there, he’d be alone. The Bureau gives him... something. Not that we get many clients, but... it’s a start. It helps.”

“Yeah,” Muta grunted. He sounded like he had thoughts on his mind, and Toto would have teased him for it, but something stayed his beak this time. “So the Bureau helps people out, right?”

“Yes...?”

Muta took another moment to think. “Yer want to help out my human?”

x

Muta never intended it to become a regular thing. But the years passed and he watched over multiple mortals while Toto remained by the Creation’s side, and somewhere along the way, Muta ended up ferrying more than just his own contemporary human to the Sanctuary’s doors. 

Sometimes it was for big things. For when the magical world spilled over onto humanity and some poor human ended up way in over their head. For people who really didn’t have anywhere else to go but to turn to a strange little Bureau populated by talking cats and crows. 

But sometimes, when the Bureau had had few guests and fewer clients, and Toto worried over his mortal charge, littler problems would find their way to the Bureau’s doorstep. Things that wouldn’t matter in the long run, that didn’t need magic to solve. But Muta led them to the Sanctuary anyway. 

x

So when his current human - a teen girl, young and awkward and far too reckless for a mortal body - found herself engaged to a Cat Prince against all her wishes, he knew just where to take her.

He did not, however, expect her - years later - to return. 

Or to stay. 

x

Or to complicate matters.

x

Muta was sitting outside the Bureau when Toto returned to the Sanctuary. 

“We have a problem.”

Muta barely looked over his newspaper. “He’s your mortal, your problem.”

“It’s not-- well,” Toto amended, “it’s not just him.” He nodded towards the Bureau’s interior, where their respective charges were making tea and conversation. “It’s him and her. Both of them.”

“Yer telling me.”

Toto looked down his beak at Muta. “Don’t you pay any attention to your mortal?”

“Sure I do. She didn’t get married off to the Cat King, did she?”

“So you keep reminding me.”

Muta huffed and folded his paper. “Alright, beaky, I’ll bite. What have they done now?”

“It isn’t a matter of what they have done as what they aren’t doing.”

“Yer speaking in riddles, birdbrain. Cut it out.”

“Have you checked Haru’s connections?”

Muta squinted sceptically at Toto. “Is this one of those trick question things where I’m meant to have checked every other month cause, if so, yes.”

Toto sighed. “Just do it.”

Muta continued squinting for another dubious moment before turning his attention to Haru. He could see the strings of connection running out from her - to her mother, to her friends, to Muta and Toto, to Baron...

“Oh heck.”

The string between Haru and Baron was a deep, burning red. 

“When...?”

“Long enough that they should have done something about it by now.”

Muta scoffed. “That ain’t Haru’s fault. It’s your mortal with the emotional constipation.”

“That’s not--”

“Your words, not mine.”

“Toto didn’t speak immediately, pouting in the ensuing silence. Then, “We’re their guardian angels. We should do something.”

“Why? People fall in love all the time, no biggie.”

“He doesn’t. Not like this.”

Muta scoffed. Again. “How old is he? And yer telling me he’s never fallen in love before?”

“Crushes and curiosity, yes,” Toto confirmed. “But this... is much more long-term. This is staying.” This could make things complicated.

Muta hesitated. The bond between Haru and Baron wasn’t just built from love, but from trust and friendship and a thousand little moments. With any other mortal, he could just sit back and watch life take its course. Naturally, it would be Toto’s charge who would be the exception.

“Fine. Do you have a plan?”

“The beginnings of one.”

Muta grunted. Like mortal, like guardian. “And?”

“How familiar are you with Disney’s The Little Mermaid?”

“No. No way.”

x

Angels couldn’t rewrite reality, but they could... sweetalk it, given the right motivation. 

So it perhaps wasn’t wholly unexpected that it was a perfect summer’s evening, that night upon the lake’s water, or that when the breeze rippled through the reeds a gentle tune whistled. 

It was, and Toto was quite proud of the fact, the perfect romantic setting. 

“This has to be,” Muta said, interupting Toto’s little moment of pride, “and you’ve have a lotta prize-winning moments over the centuries, the dumbest idea you’ve ever had. And that includes the noodle incident.” 

“I didn’t see you offering any better ideas, furball.”

“I wanna see how badly this fails so I can laugh about it later.”

“Thanks. Your support is appreciated.”

Toto watched as Baron jumped down into the boat and offer a hand to Haru. Not that he was ever going to admit as much to Muta, but Toto hadn’t been entirely sure they would even get this far. It had taken a fair bit of gentle shoving - both verbal and mental - to get Baron to take the hint and invite Haru out on a definitely-not-date romantic evening.

Emotionally constipated indeed.

As Haru hopped down from the pier, an errant wave lapped against the boat and sent her stumbling. Baron shifted his grip within a heartbeat, catching her and suddenly they were so very close. 

Then they both coughed awkwardly and moved away. 

Toto shot a questioning look to Muta. 

“What?” Muta demanded. “If you’re gonna meddle, I don’t see why I can’t have a little fun too.” 

x

Haru settled into the boat, trying desperately to believe her blush was because of her near miss into the water and not for any more, uh, people-orientated reasons. She made a good show of examining the lake they were rowing across until she could be sure she could look at Baron without recalling the passing proximity of his eyes. 

“So,” she managed eventually, “what exactly are we doing out here?”

Baron raised an eyebrow. “Did you not read the report?”

“I tried, but it was all Latin names and science. I mean, what’s a Balaenoptera caelum?”

“I believe the common name for the species is sky whale.”

“Well, why couldn’t they just say that?” Haru paused. “What, really?”

“Yes.”

���As in actual, whales-in-the-sky, those kinds of sky whales?”

“Yes.”

Haru took a moment, and then sat back. “Okay,” she said, “it’s official. This just got ten times cooler.” Her attention returned to Baron. “And we’re here because...?”

“Because once every decade, the juvenile sky whales leave their birthwaters and take to the sky for the first time. It’s meant to be quite spectacular, so I’ve heard.”

Haru was silent. Then, “This isn’t a case is it?”

“Not in the usual sense, no. We have no client, but Toto made a good point that it would be a rather unmissable experience.”

“He says and then misses it.”

“Yes,” Baron mused. “That did seem rather odd.”

“And Muta.”

“Yes.”

Haru thought. “Did you get the sense they were trying to get us out of the Sanctuary?” she asked eventually. 

“The thought has crossed my mind, but I couldn’t discern for what reason they would want that.”

“We’re probably going to return and find the Bureau covered in toilet roll.”

“A daunting prospect if they could work together for five minutes without devolving into fighting.”

Haru snorted. “Oh god, it’s like leaving the children at home. I wonder what they’re up to now...”

x

“Are they still jus’ talking?”

“Give it time.”

“They’ve had time. Three years of it.”

Toto’s beak was set in a thin line. “Give it time.”

But still, he couldn’t resist. He sent a cold wind their way. 

x

The air shifted and Haru shivered as an icy breeze rippled across her skin. She jarred mid-sentence with a teeth-chattering rattle. “I’m okay,” she managed, pulling her thin jacket closer. “I just should have brought a thicker coat. Geez, I thought it was meant to be a mild summer’s evening.”

A light-grey jacket came into view. 

“Aren’t you going to get cold?” Haru asked.

He flashed her a warm smile. “You forget. Creation.”

x

Muta raised an eyebrow at his fellow angel. “Cheap shot.”

x

Something rocked the boat. Haru jolted upright, heart-pounding from too many cases where things that rocked boats usually wanted to eat them. Baron must have seen the thought skitter across her mind, for he gestured to her that everything was under control. 

She had been on too many cases for it to assure her completely, but it did stop her from retrieving her heavy duty torch from her bag and wielding it like a crowbar. 

“I think it’s beginning,” he whispered. “Listen.”

Haru did. At the edge of her hearing, there was the faint undercurrent of sound that she had previously mistaken for the breeze, but now it was growing and swelling and twisting into something resembling... “Music?”

Baron nodded. “All sky whales have their own unique songs. We are the first ones to hear these.” 

The boat rocked again, and Haru shifted onto Baron’s side. “If I’m going overboard, you’re coming with me,” she whispered. 

“That seems reasonable.”

“Oh, shush.” 

The song rose and tumbled and suddenly a grey form was breaking the water’s surface. Eyes. Head. Mouth. And then flippers and back and tail... and suddenly no part of the whale was touching the water anymore. 

Haru leant slowly against Baron, her heart pounding with the fear of a small primate coming across something very big and very scary and realising why they evolved to leave the ocean all those years ago. She licked her lips. Her mouth was dry. “Uh,” she said intelligently. 

Baron looked to her questioningly. 

“Big whales,” she croaked.

“These are just the juveniles.” He tilted his head. “Are you okay?”

“Big flying whales,” she managed. “Yeah, I’m fine, just... Big.” Another head breached the surface, and a sound caught between awe and rabbit-in-the-headlights caught in Haru’s throat. “Oh my god, there’s more.”

x

“It’s still not working.”

“Oh shut up.”

“You got any last minute plans up your wing?”

Toto grimaced. “Just the one.” 

He gave reality another shove. 

x

Once her initial instinctive reaction had been forcefully put down, Haru had to admit that it was pretty amazing. The whales seemed happy to pass the little boat by without incident, except for the occasional curious glance, and the air was now alive with the thrum of melody. 

Baron was giving her another questioning look. 

“What?” she asked.

“You’re humming.”

“So? It’s catchy.” 

“All sky whale songs are unique. You shouldn’t be able to hum it.”

“Sure, but it sounds... familiar.” Still, she hummed along a little louder, trying to work out what it reminded her of. “There you see her... duh duh duh blue lagoon... mmmm one way to ask her... she won’t say a word, not a single word, go on and--”

She froze. 

“Oh my god.”

“What is it?” Baron asked.

“Oh my god,” was all she could say. Her face was burning. She ducked her head into her hands, her words muffled. “I know why Toto and Muta sent us out here.”

“Why?”

She raised her eyes above her fingers, her expression caught between hysteria and indignation. “I literally cannot tell you.”

“Haru?”

“It wasn’t to toilet paper the Bureau.”

“Haru?”

She exhaled, long and slow and steadying. “I’m am going to kill them.”

x

“Oh dear,” said Toto. “I think we’re in trouble.”