If the only reason why im still here is because people in my life need me why do I feel so lonely all the damn time
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I will not spend another year in this fat body I promise
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The comfort I feel from hurting myself feels so wrong but so real at the same time…
Ya know?
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Brb watching Requiem for a Dream as a form of self-harm
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I just fully relapsed,
I knew this was going to happen but, I was at least a year clean.
It was a baby cut but I still feel like a failure.
I still feel like I need more cuts.
And now I feel nauseous and and heart is racing...
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self harm is a weird thing
once I start, it becomes a continuous cycle that will never stop
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i relapsed again but it wasn't enough. i told my bf (for obvious reasons) and he said if i did it again he'd tell my mom (keep in mind i'm 19, almost 20, i don't think it concerns my mom anymore considering my age and that i don't live with her) then he took my bladee and i just don't know what to do anymore. he asked me why i did it and i said it's because i'm depressed and i was thinking about traumatic stuff. he responded with stop thinking about the past. like mf if i could i would, but it's called trauma for a reason and i don't go to therapy or see a psychiatrist because it's expensive. cvtting is the only thing that has worked for me. i tried coloring, journaling, writing, drawing, playing games on my phone, talking to trusted friends, and nothing fucking works. at this point i might start bruising myself again just to feel something significant
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I will not spend the rest of my 20s being fat I’m tired of living in this fat body. I will not spend another year in this fat body.
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So tumblr banned my other account, rip.
Also update, I relapsed for a while bcs my mom made me lol, but I’m back now !!
I gained so much weight, literally like close to 10kg I wanna kms 😭
I’ll try to post more often and just hope tumblr doesn’t ban me again.
I’m gonna try to lose 5kg by feb 6 cuz I have a wedding to attend to, it’ll be so embarrassing if I don’t fit into any outfits lolol.
xx
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Recovery is so hard. Some days it’s okay, some days it’s horrible, some days it’s good, & some days it’s in the in between. I ended up relapsing but I know I will get back on my feet as long as I keep trying and not give up
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