#i remember her always talking about cities she wanted to go to there and we'd literally be going to those cities

[faggotwalkwithme]

ughh

[ellieromanov]

Wasted flowers. N.R x Y/n

First fic on tumblr, let me know your thoughts and requests are always open.

Word count: 3k

Warnings: angst

Summery:

Y/n and Natasha are soulmates, they are perfect for each other, but life always has different plans.

Natasha’s point of view

Y/n and I met by chance and dumb luck. We were young and naïve, so clueless of the world and the cruelties it held, yet we thought we knew so much. It was spring in New York, I couldn't tell you the year but if you lived here during this particular spring, you would remember. It was the one when all the trees of Central Park blossomed with small flowers, the birds sang their song from dawn into the late hours of evening, and the breeze held a freshness that the city hadn't seen in centuries.

On this particular day I had wanted to clean up my apartment and make it feel more homely. After hours of picking the place up, rearranging furniture, and hanging up decorations it started to feel more like a home rather than a simple place to sleep. The last thing it was missing was a touch of greenery so I made my way to "Michael's Floral Design" to pick out a bouquet to set in the kitchen and maybe a few house plants.

I had pasted this flower shop on 85th St. nearly every single day on the commute to the tower but never really thought twice about it. I can still remember walking to the shop that day and getting red just at the thought of the 'big scary black widow' walking out of a flower shop with a bouquet of colorful flowers in hand. I can't remember why it embarrassed me so much. But I remember by the time I had arrived to the shop I didn't seem to care anymore, I was to mesmerized by all the colors to care.

I remember reading the name of every flower I saw and paying attention to every detail of every bouquet that was on display. And while I was browsing, the shopkeepers bell rang as someone entered the store, that someone being Y/n. Her hair was shorter back then and she looked much younger of course. I still remember the sweater she had on too. It was a knitted sweater that had so many layers of colors it was almost distracting, which was obviously a stark contrast to myself who was wearing all black. Little did I know that that sweater would eventually become my favorite years later.

I can't remember how we started talking but I'd like to think she was just charmed by me, but knowing Y/n she probably saw how confused I looked from across the store and decided to take pity on me. She helped me pick the flowers and I ended up leaving the store with more than I had planned on.

That night, for the very first time my apartment felt more inviting and and warm than it ever had in the past. What a simple difference flowers could make.

The next time we met it was a few months later in the fall at French bakery. I was sitting at a nearby table waiting for the worker to call my name for my coffee and breakfast when, again, the shopkeepers bell rang and in walked the same girl from the flower shop, only now her hair was slightly longer and died a darker color. But her face looked the same. This time She wore a black beret, a grey sweater and a white and black polkadot skirt. Not as colorful as she dressed earlier in the spring and I can remember wondering if maybe something had happened in between those times to have made her stop wearing so much color, or maybe she was just following along with the seasons. Either way I wasn't going to ask.

She walked up to the counter to place her order and as she was going to grab a seat to wait for her order to be called, I gave her a small wave. The smile she gave me as she walked to my table is one I'll never forget. This time I think I actually did charm her because we ended up staying at this bakery for hours just talking away. I didn't want to leave. I got her phone number that day.

After that we started talking on a regular basis, we'd text each other nearly every day and we'd plan to meet up when we could. It was later that November when she asked me on an official date. How was I meant to turn her down?

We went on a walk through her neighborhood, I remember it was cold and all the leaves had already fallen off the trees and the sun was starting to set much earlier, but I couldn't have cared less, because Y/n was the most wonderful girl I had ever met. She was smart, and witty and she was insanely funny, she made me laugh harder than I had ever laughed in my whole life. And she was gorgeous and kind and soft and she was so humble. It was a nice contrast from everything I was. We balanced each other out nicely.

During this walk through her neighborhood she stopped and greeted every shop owner, every child, and every neighbor with a smile as if she had known them her whole life, and maybe she did, I forgot to ask.

Later that night I walked her to her front door and she invited me in. Her appointment was colorful and crowded with little trinkets she had collected through out the years, art hanging on the walls, plants in every corner, and a bouquet of flowers on her kitchen counter. I ended up staying there that night.

The fall had come and gone and missions were slow, I think everything felt slow when I wasn't with Y/n, my days felt endless and my nights were torturous without her, but looking back now, I kind of wish things felt slow even when I was with her, that would mean I would've gotten more time to appreciate her and love her.

That December she invited me to spend the holidays with her and her family, I of course said yes. That was my first "real" Christmas, we had the food, the films, the decorations and the presents. Y/n's family was incredible, although nothing alike. They were loud and chaotic, unlike Y/n who was soft spoken and patient but it made sense. It was clear how much they all loved each other. The way Y/n and her siblings would interact and bicker always made me laugh and the love her parents had for each other made my heart full. Even though Y/n and I hadn't been dating long, her family took me in like I was their own.

The new year had flown by quickly, winter had pasted and so did the spring. I learned so much about her. I learned how much she loved to paint, and she loved to cook, and she loved playing her piano, of course she did, she was a composer. And I quickly learned how much I love, her. It was that summer that we had said it for the first time. We were drinking white wine on her balcony watching the sun slowly set when she said it. I didn't even think twice before saying it back.

When the next spring had approached we had moved in together, a small apartment in downtown Brooklyn, it was perfect, it was us.

A few months later Y/n got a dog, a Great Dane named Frodo. Of course out of any dog she could have picked she chose the horse. Frodo was the dumbest dog I've ever met but god was he lovable.

Y/n and I had our daily routines, we'd wake up, I'd start getting ready while Y/n started breakfast. Some days she'd make it herself, others she'd take Frodo on a walk to the bakery, and when she'd go to the bakery she'd also stop by the flower shop to pick up flowers as well. She'd get home, we'd eat, then she'd start getting ready while I cleaned up. And We always had to give at least five minutes of love and affection to Frodo before we left for work for the day. 

When we'd get home, we'd take Frodo an another walk through the park then stop by the market to pick up anything we may have ran out of through out the week. We'd get home and start dinner. Y/n was always the better cook but I did what I could to help without screwing it up. We'd finish dinner then have a glass of wine together on the balcony and talk about our days. Once the sun would set we'd go back inside and normally watch a film together, but sometimes she'd work on her latest Composition at the piano or she would keep working on her painting while I read to her. This was our day-to-day lives, and just how perfect it was.

It was June of the next year when Y/n had brought up the idea of marriage. I agreed with her without a  doubt, how could I not? Y/n was my other half. We'd been together for nearly 5 years.  We never had an official proposal, I never got down on one knee with a ring, and neither did she, we just started planning. We didn't need anything extravagant for it to be special, we just needed each other.

Time seemed to be moving so fast and before I knew it, it was already late fall again. This fall had been different from the others, Y/n didn't seem as present as she normally was, she seemed so lost in her own thoughts. At first it didn't worry me, she had a lot going on with work, she had just gotten a promotion at the symphony  she worked for so there was a lot of new changes and responsibilities.

But Y/n had started to forget more frequently too. She'd often forget what she had been doing only moments before and she'd forget what she wanted to say in the middle of our conversations. And for awhile I just thought it was all just work related stress.

But only a month later, Y/n was sent home on paid leave after having "an episode." She accused a coworker of stealing one of her books on composition arts that was important for a project she was working on. She forgot that she had happily loaned him the book just two days prior.

Y/n cried so hard that night, she didn't know why she didn't remember loaning the book. She was so frustrated. I suggested that we go to the doctors and that's what we did.

Stage three brain cancer.

The tumor was against the part of the brain that affects memory.

We walked out of that doctors office that day hand in hand. We were meant to go in and figure out what was going on then go home to get ready for one of Stark's Christmas parties but we didn't think that the diagnosis would be anything serious. We thought they'd tell us that she was just stressed and needed more rest, not that she had cancer that's causing early onset dementia. We both decided to keep it a secret.

That winter we spent half of the holidays with her family and the other half with the team at Clint a Laura's. Y/n had admitted to me that being around the team was less stressful than her family simply because she didn't want her family to notice something was wrong.

The holidays went by smoothly and Y/n started treatments. She was able to start working again later that march. When we got the diagnostic I asked Furry to cut down on my hours so I could be with her more often. He agreed to assign me to fewer missions.

That year passed by before we knew it. In all craziness we both dropped the idea of marriage until things had settled.

Frodo was getting older, he had silver down his back and around his eyes, he was getting slower at night too. We still walked him twice a day and would even bring him with us when we would meet with friends. He was always the bestest boy.

Y/n and I still had our daily routines, wake up, get ready and eat breakfast. Except for one time in particular, Y/n had wanted to go to the bakery with Frodo since it had been awhile since we had last went. 30 minutes went by and they weren't back, I called her but she didn't answer the phone. When I went to check her location she was almost in Jackson heights in Queens which was a 40 minute subway ride away. The bakery was only a 10 minute walk away.

I had gotten in the car to go pick her up. I was furious. When I had finally gotten to her she just cried in my arms.

And after that point Y/n's affliction only worsened. She stopped remembering things during her rehearsals with the orchestra and her compositions were in shambles, none of her music or writing made sense. She'd get awful headaches too. Every other night she'd cry herself to sleep because of the pain.

The second time there was an incident she was sent home on permanent medical leave. She was devastated. So was I. Some days I'd get the Y/n who would sing in the kitchen while she cooked us dinner, the Y/n who would sit on the balcony and paint, the Y/n who would joke about our unborn children, and the Y/n who could turn every negative into a positive... other days I'd get a stranger.

Her family was devastated when we finally told them, they started visiting from Seattle as often as the could after that.

Three years passed far to quickly and Y/n only got worse. Her memory was fading fast and the pain in her head only got worse. The worst was when I'd get mad at her like when she'd try to go on walks by herself or when she'd try to cook for herself. I couldn't do anything without her and she couldn't do anything without me. We eventually needed to give Frodo to the Barton's so they could take care of him and I asked furry to take me off the mission list all together so I could just do SHIELD work from home.

This brings us to two years ago. Y/n's memory didn't worsen to much since the worst of it, she still remembered exactly who I was and most of the time she understood what was going but she was so weak, most months consisted of multiple trips to the hospital where she'd be kept for a few nights. But towards the end of it, even her strongest medications couldn't help with the pain.

I remember we started using the spoon theory and color system not long after this. To get through our days we'd make a list of things we wanted to do. First Y/n had to give her color. Green Days were good days, she could get out of bed, take a walk, make dinner, paint, play her piano, etc. Yellow days she'd stay in our room or maybe the living room and sleep, maybe watch something on tv or read a book. And red days were the worst of them. She couldn't get out of bed, she couldn't eat, sleep, or talk. she couldn't do anything but lay there. Those were the worst.

But on green or yellow days we'd make a list of what we wanted to do. Each activity on the list took up a certain amount of energy, and Y/n only had so many spoon fulls of energy to give, that's why the call it the spoon theory. It just helped us do things without Y/n getting burned out.

The last hospital trip we went on she was kept for over a month, machines and wires where hooked up to her to make sure her heart didn't stop. It was so unexpected. The doctors didn't really understand how her health decreased in such a short amount of time. But they understood that my girl was in pain and they tried everything they could to stop that pain.

I believe deep down Y/n knew something the rest of us didn't, I think she knew it was her time, she was so tired and she was hurting and she was ready.

"Natasha."

"I'm sorry we didn't get married."

"I'm sorry we didn't have kids."

"I'm sorry that I can't remember all the time."

"I'm sorry we didn't get the life we wanted."

"I tried. I tried to get better but it hurts so much."

The Barton's would visit weekly, so would stark and other members of the team as well as Y/n's parents.

But I was the one who didn't leave her side. I was there through it all. I was there when she would sob in pain, I was there when she'd forget who our family's were. I was there when she wouldn't sleep for days on end. I was always there.

People often ask me if I regret it, being with her, falling in love with her, meeting her. I always tell them the same thing. Never.

I'd do it a thousand times over again if it meant I got to fall in love with her all over again. Fall in love with her smile and her laugh and her love of flowers, pastries, dogs, music and art. I'd do it all again if it meant that was a promise, that I'd be able to have my girl.

12/30/1992 - 11/11/2018

Y/n Y/l/n

Friend • daughter • sister • lover

Life goes on. two years have slipped away since Y/n has been gone. I’m not able to look at flowers the same anymore. They used to represent her spirit, colorful and lively. But now they mirror her paintings, cracked paint on a Canvas, the echo of her piano that’s lost it’s tune, or that one spring in the city all those years ago. flowers are just fleeting moments of a beauty that slip through our fingers like everything else. my world is quieter without her, and flowers, now seem like an attempt to hold onto moments that inevitably slip away.

[equallyshaw]

ᴅᴀʏ ꜱɪx: ᴀʟʟ ɪ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ꜰᴏʀ ᴄʜʀɪꜱᴛᴍᴀꜱ ɪꜱ ʏᴏᴜ - ᴄᴏɴɴᴏʀ ʙᴇᴅᴀʀᴅ

part of holidays with equallyshaw

warnings: none!

word count: 4.5k + 🫣

also for context, she is a year older than him, so shes 19 right now almost 20.

ᴄᴏɴɴᴏʀ ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏᴇʟ ʜᴀᴅ been friends since birth, or well they used to be. ironically noel ended up in chicago after growing up in vancouver for 14 years and when connor had gone off to regina. it seemed as though noel had forgotten about connor, he had surmised. and hoped that once he came to chicago - officially - that the two would see one another again.

ofcourse as luck would have it, they would.

❅

"noel!" she heard her name yelled from downstairs. she sighed, putting down her romance novel, and took in the white flurries that had miraculously come just in time for christmas eve, in a day. she stood up, picked up her coffee mug, and headed down the three flights of stairs. when her father moved her and her brother to chicago, they quickly fell in love with the brownstone that just happened to be available as soon as he took the job. especially in the area that they were, and because noel adored the area so much she opted to stay in the city and go to school in the loop. after her freshman year of dorm living, she convinced her best friend abby from highschool to join her in off-campus housing- and now here she was back in her bedroom, for holiday break.

noel had made it down to the landing, right before the foyer and heard her dad talking with somebody, and the two were laughing. her eyebrows crinkled, unsurely. as soon as she hit the top step, connor froze. he swallowed, his gaze shifting from noels father and towards his best friend and the girl that he had loved for some time. she jogged down to the last step, and that's when she recognized him. she tilted her head just a bit, and gave a weary smile. "connor?" he stood silent for a minute before speaking, "hey noel, its good to see you." he said and she nodded softly. "yeah, you too." she hummed, pulling a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "how long has it been?" she questioned, shifting her hold on the mug before her dad swiped it from her. "ill get you some more." he said before leaving the two.

"about 6 years almost." he stated and she nodded, "right." she hummed looking at the historic wood floor. "oh! congrats by the way. my dad was really excited that chicago drafted you. apparently, they needed a good ole canadian to lead the team again." she said grinning, and he nodded smiling. "yeah i was pretty stoked when i remembered that you guys had moved here. my parents had hoped that we'd cross each other's path at some point. they were thankful and relieved to know your parents were here." he exclaimed and she nodded, "they always did say that you were like their second son. which doesn't hurt." she grinned, "do you want something to eat? drink?" she questioned and he shrugged, "did i hear coffee?" he smirked and she nodded, "ofcourse! my dad can never go a day with out." she hummed, pulling him towards the kitchen. "nice house by the way." he said as they went through the dining room and then down two halls. she nodded, "yeah. things changed a lot when my dad got the job. my dad was finally able to give the historic home my mom had always dreamed of." she shrugged, before htye entered the black and white marble floor. "connor!" her mom gushed, putting down her knife and rushing over to see the boy.

"mrs. murphy! how are you?" he questioned as she pulled back a bit to inspect the now 5'11 boy. "good good! how are you?" she questioned, returning to her chopping board. noel took her coffee mug out of the nespresso machine, and placed another one for connor. she took out the medium roast pod from the drawer, before grabbing coffee creamer from the fridge. oh shoot, she thought, she didn't know what he liked in coffee. "hey connor? what do you want for coffee?" she questioned, turning back towards him. "whatever you're doing is fine." he said before her mom pushed connor into the island chair. "sit sit, i want to hear all about your time here so far. tell me about regina too!" her mom said continuing to prepare dinner. noel brought her mug to her lip, not to drink just yet but to hide the small grin that was forming. connor flicked his gaze towards noel for a brief second, before looking at noel's mom. noel turned back towards the coffee machine, putting some creamer in his cup before bringing it over to him. she sat down next to him, and he made a weird face. "this is so you." he said but continued to drink it. "last time i checked, i didn't start drinking coffee until i was 17." she said without really catching her self. connor nodded softly, a wave of uneasiness filled him. "so connor! tell us about your parents!" her mom butt in, and noel silently thanked the universe for it.

a few hours later, with a home-cooked meal and some cookies placed in a tin, noel was walking connor out. "please come back soon! we'd love to have you for dinner again." her mom said hugging the boy tightly. "i can never go without your cooking again! giving my mom a run for her money." he joked, and her parents laughed. she pulled away before he went to hug noel's dad. "ill walk him out." noel announced and then she walked him back through the halls and to the front door. "wheres your brother?" he questioned, "oh! he's uh, he lives in the loop now with his girlfriend." she said shrugging waiting for him to slip his shoes back on. she peered out the window next to the door and smiled, it was still snowing. "well drive safely, its still snowing." she said as he finished. he nodded, "would you, would you like to get coffee with me tomorrow? my parents fly in tonight late, and so they wont be up for a while." he explained. she waited a brief second, before nodding. "id love that connor." she smiled before pulling him in for a hug. a good chill went up connor's spine and butterflies erupted from within noel. she began to pull away, and she could feel his breath at one point. she tried to hide her blushing as they pulled away for good, "how about philz coffee in lincoln park, say 9 ?" he questioned and she nodded. "ill be there." she grinned, before opening the door. she waited a few seconds before shutting the door, once he opened the small courtyard gate and then he was gone.

❅

it was 9 am the next morning, and noel had just sat down at a table with a hot coffee. her leg tapped anxiously, as she waited for him. and even though connor wasn't that guy, she was worried about him bailing on her. because, again- she was the one who stopped talking to him once she moved. her roommate and best friend abby had just woken up when connor walked through the door. abby and noel were on the phone, and abby was harping about something when she noticed connor find her within he coffee shop. he waltzed over to her, and sat down in front of her. she held up a finger, and nodded at whatever abby was saying. "ill be by afterwards and then we can talk about this." noel said before saying bye to her friend. "sorry my best friend was trying to explain what happened last night when she went out." she shrugged, sipping her coffee. "no problem, im gonna go order and ill be back." he said standing up and walking over towards the counter. she sat back, pulling off her long coat and sipped her coffee.

connor heard his name called a few minutes later, and he quickly swiped it from the counter. "so! tell me about your friend." he said, trying to start the 'catching up' conversation. she smiled, "i met her the first day of highschool, and we've been inseparable since. we had joint grad parties, and we roomed our freshman year at depaul, and now were still together down the street actually." she said shrugging, "she's been my best friend through everything. i couldn't have picked a better person to share so many amazing memories with." she added, and connor nodded. "that's nice." he hummed, sipping his iced coffee. "yeah, it made moving here a lot easier." she finished. he nodded, "yeah, it was hard after you left but me leaving at 15 definitely helped." he began, "oh right ! you left for regina." she said before grinning, and then out a soft chuckle. "you're such a child!" he said joining her. "i promise im an adult but everytime, its made me laugh." she hummed, her giggles claiming down. "but anywho, continue!" she squeled, placing her arms on the table. "it was good! met a lot of my close buddies there. was basically homeschooled when my mom was there." he shrugged, "oh right! they do things differently here." she said sipping some coffee. "but that was sweet of her to relocate. im sure melanie likes being back home now." she giggled, and he nodded. "yeah, it definitely helped my parents relationship. oddly enough, they got closer when she came to live with me. and now that they go back and fourth with my sister, its evident." he said sipping his coffee. "how is mads doing?" she questioned, "shes good! started her sophomore year at Calgary in business and is working at lululemon as she takes classes, up at bc." he said and noel smiled, "that was her dream. ubc." she hummed smiling widely. connor took in her wide smile, and in turn smiled.

"god i miss that girl. sister i never had." she hummed, "is she here for christmas?" she questioned and he nodded. "oh that's right! my mom wanted to know what you guys were doing tomorrow." he said.

❅

an hour later, the two walked out the coffee shop doors and they began their descent toward her apartment, that she lived in. they chatted the whole way there, catching up and laughing over some good times. they took the elevator up to the third floor, and quickly made their way over to the door. "abby?" noel called out, opening up the door all the way for him to slip through. "abby?" she called again, slipping her shoes off. "hey! hey?" abby said stepping out to the hallway and didn't realize connor was there. "ouu! you're connor bedard the one she neve-" and noel cut her off, "yes abby, miss chatty cathy." noel joked, as abby grinned. "anywho im abby her best friend and you are connor bedard that everybody in this city knows about but i could really care less." she said before turning back to the kitchen. noel snickered as she rolled her eyes playfully, "that's her." she said as connor said, "that's her." he laughed, as she began to take him on a tour of the apartment. "and here is my room." she said allowing him to walk in first. she leaned against the doorframe, watching him inspect her room. he took in all the photographs she had on the all and the one next to her bed. a picture of them when they were 12, and they had finished up a school project. "you still have this?" he asked, picking up the frame and looking at it closer. she nodded, "yeah that was one i knew i had to take from my parents house, it was too good not to." she mused, taking off her jacket and hanging it up.

she sat down on the bed, and he set the frame down before joining her. she sat there pretzeled styled, "so what trouble did you get into when i left?" she teased.

❅

when connor left to uber back to his fancy apartment building, abby drilled noel with questions. "oh come on you still like him!" abby accused her as noel just blushed. "he was the first guy i really liked, and always believed that if i hadn't moved away we would have ended up together. but he found somebody back in vancouver." noel said tucking her chin on her knee. "wait, but i thought that rumor wasn't true." and noel shrugged, "beats me." she hummed. "but he for sure likes you i know it! i saw the way he looked at you when yall walked in. it was hard not to notice. like you hung the stars and the moond!" abby further explained- the last part sing song, but noel shrugged. "nah. thats just connor. he probably looks at mads and his mom the same way, hell he probably looked at my mom that same way yesterday too. its just how he is." she shrugged but abby wasn't buying it. "whatever you say, but are you guys going to have them come over tomorrow?" she questioned. "i don't know, i sent a text to my parents but haven't heard a thing. but we used to have christmas morning together, we'd pile into one house and open presents, and then have brunch before afternoon mass for us." noel explained, "i always looked forward to christmas eve since the three of us and my brother would have a sleepover at whoevers house it was at that year, it was our tradition. the murphy-bedard christmas story." she smiled, a flurry of memories flooding her mind. "maybe you'll get lucky, and find yourselves under the mistletoe your parents put up." abby grinned, sipping coco. noel rolled her eyes, before standing up. "ill see you tomorrow, im going to chill in my room." she said beginning to walk off, "no phone sex!" abby called and noel groaned playfully.

back at connor's place, he was talking to his sister madi. he was explaining each and every detail of that day, his face lightening up the whole time. madi just sat back and grinned, asking questions here and there. she hadn't seen connor be this giddy in a long while. "did you ever tell her?" madi questioned as connor finished, "tell her what?" he asked as his eyebrows crinkled, while leaning to grab his hot coco. "did you ever tell her about your relentless crush as a kid?" she grinned, before sipping hers. he shook his head, "i don't know what your talking about." he mused and she chuckled. "connor i love you but don't act like a dummy. brendan and i both knew that yall liked one another. so no lying here." she chastised. he sighed, resting the mug on his knee. "she's never once expressed anything, so i never said anything. so why would i say it now?" he questioned, and madi did the same. "maybe then you two would finally get together." melanie stated as she walked into the living room that overlooked the city. "you knew?" he asked, bewildered. melanie laughed, "its a parents job to recognize these things. do you remember how heartbroken you were when she left and what she didn't call or text you she'd made it to chicago? absolutely wrecked." she mused, as madi snickered. "see?" madi said, cocking an eyebrow. connor sighed shaking his head.

❅

"im back!" noel announced walking into the brownstone. "sweetie, good you're here!" her mom said coming out to greet her at the door. ""whos here?" she questioned "im gonna go change and ill be down to have some brunch." noel said and her mom shook her head, taking her coat and bag and placing it near the door. "no need." her mom smiled taking her hand and pulling her into the kitchen and where the breakfast table stood. "noel!" she heard the famous melanie bedard voice call out as soon as she entered, "melanie!" noel smiled widely and melanie walked over. "soo good to see you again missy. we've missed you." she smiled pulling back a bit to place her hands on the side of her head, like she had as a child. "nelly!" madi said from beside her, and melanie let her go. madi and noel hugged each other tightly, truly the sisters they never had. "oh my god i could cry!" noel said giggling and madi joined in. "if you do im gonna and it isn't gonna be pretty." she said as they smiled at one another. "i cant believe you grew!" noel said as they parted, "i cant belive you didn't." madi joked and everybody laughed. noel was the odd one out in the family, barely coming out to 5'4 while her family was 5'10 and above. "hush now. im sure i could still drop kick you and beat you on beam." she said eyeing her, and giving her a playful finger point. "that you could." madi hummed, pointing right back at her. "hi tom!" she said as she finally found the very tall dude, "hi sweetie! so good to see you." he said and she nodded, "you as well. all of you guys!" she smiled looking back towards the rest of the family. connor was missing. "he's with your brother." madi answered her, and noel nodded.

"coffee?" her dad asked and she nodded, taking the expresso. "been saving the last one for you." he smiled placing the mug in her hand, and she grinned. "thankyou." she smiled, sipping her peppermint coffee. "thanks dad." she hummed, placing it on the counter. "ill be right back, i need to go check something." she said to her mom and her mom perked up, "grades?" she questioned and noel nodded. "let us know hun how ya did." her mom smiled, and noel nodded again. noel made her way upstairs to the third floor, and heard laughter coming out of her brothers room. she hurried to her room on the opposite end, and shut her door behind her. she leaned against it trying to collect her thoughts, which ranged from grades, money and ofcourse connor. all the above, as any college student thought.

she sat down at her old desktop her dad had given to her a few years ago for her birthday, saying that the old computer still worked well. she signed in quickly doing the damn double sign in her college did, and she waited for the screen to load. as soon as it loaded, she did a double take before smiling widely. her hard work had paid off, earning herself a 3.7 gpa. she logged off and headed back towards her door and when she opened it, she was surprised to see connor standing their patiently with a hand raised to knock. she swallowed hardly, a blur of anxiety washing over her.

"uh..hi!" she said opening her door like she had at her apartment, and allowed him to walk through. as she was shutting it, she saw her brother do a small salute before he jogged down the stairs.

"whats up connor?" she questioned, as he sat down in the desk chair. he spun around in it, and leaned his forearms on his knees. "everything ok?" she questioned heading over to her closet and slide the door open. "i wanted to talk to you about something, something that I've wanted to speak to you about for years, now." he said nervously, and she looked back at him as she tried to grab a bin from the top shelf of her closet. she growled, turning around and hopping a bit to grab it. with no luck. connor stood up and took a few big steps, reaching her. he grabbed it, and she now only recognized how close she was to the 5'11 hockey player. she swallowed, "thankyou." she said staring directly into his blue eyes. he smiled, "ofcourse." he said not moving an inch. he was too mesmerized by the girl, as cheesy as that sounds. "we shoul-" he cut the girl off by doing the one thing he'd wanted to do for years. it was the same thing she'd wanted to do as well.

he pulled her in closer as his hands found her back, and hers found his neck. she even stood on her tippy toes, to find the back of his head. they pulled away after a few seconds, blushing like fools. they rested their foreheads against one another. their breathing heavy as they looked at one another. "you don't know how long I've waited for that to happen, truly." she hummed smiling. "you don't know how long I've waited you to do that so i could tell you how much i liked you." she added, "liked?" he questioned, and she grinned. "ok i still do, i..honestly never stopped." she said giddily. "I've had a crush on you for so long, i just always told myself you didn't like me back." he said pulling away a bit more. she shook her head, "i never said anything because i always thought you had a thing for shannon." she said giggling a bit. he shook his head, placing a finger underneath her chin. "it was always you noel, always nelly." he smiled, leaning in again to kiss her. she felt heat creep up throughout her body, noel not being able to get enough of the dark blonde boy. connor was absolutely mad about this girl, and kissing her made him go absolutely wild. she pulled away when she felt they were getting carried away, "okay connor as much as i'd like to continue this. we need to go back down there." she said pulling away from him. "but i promise that once i start up school again, and your parents go back north- there will be much more time for this. whatever this may be." she hummed, picking up her phone from the desk. connor nodded, coming up in front of her, and pushing her gently back into the desk. "promise you're not gonna disappear on me again. ghost me?" he mused, cocking an eye brow. he was being semi serious, she could tell. "i promise not too. you're stuck with me boy." she grinned pushing him back and took ahold of his hand, pulling him into the hallway.

❅

it was around 9 pm when the bedard family were leaving for the night. they promised to come for one last dinner before the three of them went back up north, and the murphy family would keep them to that promise. noel had just walked into the kitchen to grab a tin and place some cookies her mom had made the day before. connor came in and stood behind her, placing a soft hand on her back. "coffee tomorrow morning?" he questioned, placing his hand on the counter beside her, and he now hovered behind her. "shore. how about someplace near here? i can pick you up if you'd like." she offered but he shook her head, "ill pick you up, so you don't have to walk any place nor pick me up." he offered and she nodded. "i guess that'll be okay, but i swear to god connor if you try killing us, im never letting you drive in this place again!" she said and connor chuckled. "she isn't joking, she'll hold her promise. or grudge." brendan her older brother said as he walked into the kitchen. connor quickly shifted away from the girl, but brendan only laughed. "didn't we just have the conversation?" brendan teased leaning his arms on the counter, and noel whipped her head towards connor. "what conversation?" she questioned and connor blushed. "me giving him the go on asking you out, once and for all." brendan said shoving a cookie in his mouth. "suttle brendan, suttle." noel said shaking her head with a fake scowl. "just no funny business, or at least don't kiss in front of me. i don't want to see that." he said fake gagging. madi then walked in, "see what?" she asked and connor groaned. "told them i don't want them to kiss in front of us. we already have to deal with their presence, we don't need all that kissing or touchiness." brendan said making madi giggle. "i agree." she said taking a cookie and biting it. "can we like not? but you knew?!" she whipped at madi who nodded. "good lord, seems like we were the only oblivious ones." she hummed, and madi nodded. "we had a running bet on what age you two would realize." madi grinned. "oh fuck off, the both of you." noel said closing the tin full of desserts and held it out for madi. "thankyou, gonna go finish this tonight." she smiled before leaving the kitchen. "text me soon?" he asked connor who nodded. brendan left the room so now it was only the two lovebirds. noel sighed, cleaning up some of the cookies.

"i cant believe that everybody noticed before we did." connor said chuckling. "i know, i fear its gonna haunt us forever." she hummed, and connor looked over at her. watching her sort cookies, for a few seconds. he smiled softly, "you know as a kid, its so dumb, i used to ask santa for you to- y'know, like like me." she gushed, popping an oreo ball in her mouth. "oh really?" he grinned, taking a peanut butter cookie and taking a bite out of it. "uh uh, remember when we heard the song 'all i want for christmas?' she paused waiting for him to nod, and he did. "i always used to say, all i want for christmas is for connor to like me or maybe y'know kiss me." she mused as her nerves flared. "really?" he quizzed and she nodded. "oh most definitely. every year before i moved." she smiled softly.

"come on connor, were leaving!" they heard melanie call out and noel had an idea.

"wait! come here." she whispered, grabbing ahold of his hand and pulling him out of the kitchen and towards the back room that was a small reading area, library and had a fireplace. she stopped in the doorframe and waited for him to realize.

"what?" he questioned, watching as her smile turned into a grin. "use your eyes, bedsy." she hummed, "bedsy? thought you hated that nickname." he mused, and she shook her head. "nah i just hated that i didn't come up with it." she smiled. he smiled back before looking around and then up above them. "oh. i get it now." he said looking down at the girl. "do you now?" she hummed, and he nodded leaning in closer. he placed his hands on her pale cheeks, before kissing her softly.

it was cut short.

"i literally told you not to kiss in front of me." brendan called out before pretending to gag. noel giggled, pushing her forehead into connors chest in embarrassment. "oh my god! ew no!" madi said recognizing where they were at.

"mommmm!" brendan called out and noel only laughed in response, as madi called out for melanie making connor laugh too.

"the murphy-bedard story - continues!" melanie screamed, with her mom adding a cheer with her.

"ready to face our audience?" noel grinned looking up at him, and he nodded. "just one more." he hummed before kissing her once more.

hope you all enjoyed!!!

tags: @cuttergauthier @toasttt11 @jayda12 @jackhues @dancerbailey

[stargazer-sims]

Somewhere In Time

♫ Somewhere In Time - David Mallett ♫

__________

"At which point are we going to address the elephant in the room?”

"Hmm?" Nikolai looks up from his book. He'd discovered fairly quickly that Iryna doesn't like him to read at the table at mealtimes, but he's not about to break a lifelong habit just because she shoots him dirty looks whenever he does it. It's her turn to make breakfast. She's standing at the stove and she's not looking at him. "What elephant?"

"You know what I'm talking about," Iryna says.

"Suppose you enlighten me?"

"I know who you are."

"I should hope so," he says. "You've been living with me for nearly a month now."

"Nika—" she begins, but then cuts herself off with a disgruntled sigh. "No, never mind. If you want to feign ignorance, then be my guest. We'll pretend to be strangers until you get tired of the game."

Up until Iryna moved in, he thought he'd grown too old to experience the sudden tingle of pleasure he'd always associated with young love, with infatuation and crushes and fantastically-imagined scenes of the future. Yet here it is; a tiny zap of joy at hearing her call him by such a familiar name as easily and naturally as if she'd been doing it all her life.

The truth is, he does know who she is. He hadn't recognized her when he saw her outside his door that first day, but he supposes that wasn't unexpected, given they hadn't laid eyes on each other in nearly sixty years. Minutes into their meeting, however, realization came crashing in.

He was actively in denial of it initially, telling himself that it was nothing but an old man's wishful thinking. He insisted to himself that she couldn't possibly be his Ira. After all, what were the chances that she'd not only immigrated to the same country as him, but also ended up living in the same city? But, as time has gone on, he's found it more and more difficult to ignore all the long-buried memories that float to the surface of his mind, and all the little cues that make his certainty of her identity grow stronger.

He sighs too, but not with impatience. "No, you're right. We do need to talk about it. Just... not over breakfast, if that's all right with you."

"All right," she says. She expertly flips the two pancakes in the frying pan before aiming a look over her shoulder at him. "Why don't we go down to the beach after we eat?"

He nods. 'Yes, I'd like that."

They don't talk much during breakfast, but he does her the courtesy of putting his book away. He wonders what she's thinking. Is she as awestruck as he is by the incredible coincidence of their reunification? Or maybe she's remembering a time before that one bad decision they'd made had sent their shared timeline spinning so drastically out of control.

How different our lives might've been if we'd only exercised a little restraint, he thinks. If they'd waited a little longer, he might've asked her to marry him, and she might've said yes. They could've raised their children together and had a pleasant life.

But no... if things hadn't gone the way they did, he wouldn't have his wonderful son Mikhail. He wouldn't have his adored grandchildren Kolya and Natasha, and his sweet grandson-in-law Mishka. Raising his son on his own hadn't been the smoothest ride, but he has no regrets. Given the chance to go back and do everything over again, he might make other choices, but knowing that rewinding time is an impossibility, he's proud to have made the best of the hand he was dealt.

After they finish eating, he tidies up the kitchen while Iryna goes to shower and change. By the time he's done, she's in the midst of applying her makeup. Thankful that they've got two bathrooms, he climbs the stairs to go to his and put himself together for the day.

They decide to walk to the beach. It takes a bit longer to reach the shore from his current home than it did when he lived with Mikhail and Elena, but he doesn't mind. He and Iryna are both healthy and fit for their age and they enjoy walks. Plus, the weather is ideal for an outdoor excursion. It's sunny but not too hot or humid, and there's a nice westerly breeze.

They make awkward small talk for a few minutes as they head toward the waterfront, but the halting dialogue quickly fades away, as they both know it's only an attempt to distract themselves from the real conversation that's yet to come. Nikolai tries to figure out if he should let her bring up the subject first, or if he should just plunge in. It might be easier for her if he starts, but she was the one who asked to talk, so maybe...

He rolls the problem over and over in his head on the way downtown and all the way to the end of the waterfront boardwalk. The boardwalk terminates abruptly with only a set of wooden steps that lead down to the beach.

The stairs have seen better days. There's no railing, so he holds out his hand to support Iryna as they descend.

She glances at his hand and then looks up shyly at him, and for a second he thinks he catches a glimpse of the blushing twelve year old girl he'd met at the rink decades ago. He pictures her with long strawberry-blonde hair spilling out from under her blue knitted hat as she reached for the hand of his twelve year old self who was prepared to steady her as she stepped onto the ice for the first time in her brand-new skates. The image is only in his mind's eye, of course, but the recollection is as clear as if it'd happened yesterday.

"Don't worry," he says, just as he did back then. "I won't let you fall."

He can't remember what she'd said in response at the time, but in the present she places her hand in his and says, "I trust you."

When they reach the bottom of the steps, she doesn't release him immediately. Nikolai doesn't try to pull his hand away either, rather enjoying the feel of her slender fingers wrapped around his and waiting to see how long it will be before she lets go.

They wander for several more minutes in silence until they encounter some large rocks. The stones are smooth from millennia of exposure to ocean water, wind and rain.

"Let's sit," Iryna suggests, and finally slips her hand away from his.

He nods, and lowers himself carefully next to her on the worn rock. It's not like his sofa at home, but it is surprisingly comfortable.

"So..." he begins.

"I think we're in the midst of a story one couldn't make up," she comments.

"That thing about truth being stranger than fiction?"

"Admittedly, it probably would make a great plot for a novel."

"So," he says again. "Tell me something. When you answered my ad for a roommate, did you already know it was me?"

She shakes her head. "No, I had no idea. When I saw your name, I thought it was just a funny coincidence. I replied to your ad out of curiosity, if I'm being honest."

"You didn't intend to move in?"

"Not necessarily with you, no. I did need a new place to live, and I'd lined up a few other places to view, but when I saw you..." She directs her gaze away from him for a second. "I'm not sure if I was ready to believe it."

"I understand," he says. "It was the same for me. When I realized it was you, I told myself that couldn't possibly be right because..."

"Because you thought I was half a world away?"

"Because I didn't know anything, whether you were still in the old country or even whether you were still alive, or... anything."

"I'm very much alive."

He smiles. "Thank the fates for that."

"When did you know it was me?" she asks. "Surely you didn't recognize me on sight."

"No, I didn't," he admits. "You're still beautiful, but you don't look the same as you did when we were sixteen."

She laughs. "Neither do you."

"No escaping the steady march of time, is there? If you want to know, the giveaway for me was when you said you used to know a boy named Nikolai whose mother called him Nika. The way you said my name... It triggered something in my brain. You still say it exactly how you used to."

"You know, that was the moment I recognized you as well," she says. "The way you reacted to me saying your name."

"You and Mother and my sisters are the only ones who ever called me Nika. My ex-wife tried, but it always sounded wrong coming out of her mouth."

"You were married?"

"For a while, yes. Her name was Ivana."

"Did you have children?" she inquires.

"Three," he replies. "All girls. Zara, Anastasia and Tatyana. I don't see much of them, unfortunately. After the divorce, Ivana made it clear she didn't want anything more to do with me, and that included giving me time with the girls. Since they grew up, we exchange letters and emails and pictures, but it feels like they're my distant relatives instead of my daughters."

"I'm sorry," Iryna says. She takes his hand again. "That makes me feel like a terrible person for complaining about my son." She squeezes his fingers in what he's sure is a reflexive motion and adds quietly, "My younger son."

"I don't think you'd find a reason to complain about your older son," he tells her. "He grew up to be the sort of man any parent would be proud of."

"You... you know where he is?"

"He's here in town."

She practically whispers her next question. "What's his name?"

"I named him Mikhail," he tells her. "Both our names are on his birth certificate."

Her reaction isn't what he expects. She stands abruptly and turns away from him. Before he can say anything further, she starts to run. She makes it several meters down the beach before she drops to her knees.

It takes him half a minute to realize that she's crying. He gets up from the rock and jogs the short distance to where she's kneeling in the sand.

"Iryna," he says, as he kneels in front of her.

She raises her head, and he sees that her tears have smudged the makeup around her eyes. Her voice breaks as she says, "He was right here the entire time. Both of you were. You and... Mikhail. I've been in Canada for years, and I came to this city ten years ago. I could have—" The remainder of the sentence is lost in her tears.

Nikolai slides closer to her and pulls her into his arms. He doesn't even pause to consider whether this is the appropriate thing to do. He's simply operating on instinct.

She doesn't resist his embrace. She melts into it, wrapping her arms around his body and leaning her head on his shoulder.

For a moment, he feels as if they're the only two people in the world. He closes his eyes and listens to the gentle, rhythmic splash of waves against some nearby rocks. Somewhere over the water, a seagull calls mournfully. The light wind stirs his hair and carries the distinctive scent of seaweed and salt. The noise of cars from Harbourside Road is a faint swish in the distance, and from here he can't hear any footsteps or voices on the boardwalk. It's just him and Iryna, alone at the centre of the universe.

"You didn't know," he murmurs. “It's not your fault. None of it is. I need you to know I never blamed you for any of it, not for an instant."

"What about Mikhail?"

"He knows it wasn't your fault. When he was old enough to understand, I told him what happened."

"I didn't want to give him up, but my father—"

"I know," he whispers. "You had no choice. No one blames you."

"I blame myself."

He doesn't know what to say, mostly because he can only guess at what it must've been like for her to have her newborn baby literally taken from her arms and given away. She'd carried him inside her for nine months, and despite knowing that her parents would never let her keep him, she must've dreamed of the future they might have. She was sixteen and Nikolai was a few weeks away from his sixteenth birthday when Mikhail was born. Making plans for their little family was unrealistic, although that didn't stop him from dreaming too, regardless of the futility of it.

Mikhail was born at home because Iryna's family had been too ashamed of her condition to dare venture out in public with her, and as if the humiliation and shame of being an unwed teenage mother in the 1960s wasn't enough for her to bear, her parents told her that they had no interest in supporting her bastard child. Her father decreed that the baby would go straight to an orphanage after he was born.

When Nikolai told his parents, they were outraged. They hadn't been pleased when Nikolai confessed to them that he and Iryna had slept together and that she'd fallen pregnant, but they weren't so unreasonable as to expect him to give up his child to strangers.

"We'll say the baby is your brother or sister," Mother had declared. "No one but our family will know. But, Nika—" here, she'd paused to make sure he got the point— "This baby is your child, not mine. I will help you, but you are ultimately responsible. Do you understand?"

He'd thrown himself into her arms, weak with relief and gratitude, and she'd hugged him tight. "I'll do everything. I'll make you proud of me."

She'd leaned in close and said quietly against the top of his head. "I'm already proud of you, my little mouse. Even when you make mistakes, you take responsibility for them. You always find a way to make it right."

But, he wasn't at all sure he could make that situation right.

He recalls standing on the street in front of the Komarov house with baby Mikhail cradled protectively against his chest. It was December, and the baby was covered by nothing but a one-piece pyjama and a green and white blanket Iryna had knitted before he was born. Mr. Komarov hadn't seemed the least bit concerned about shielding Mikhail from the cold. He'd thrust the day-old baby into Nikolai's arms as if he were disgusted by Mikhail's very existence.

"Take it," he'd said. "Do whatever you want, but don't come back here any more." As he ascended the steps to re-enter his home, he turned to look back at Nikolai and added, "If I catch you anywhere near my daughter again, I will kill you."

Nikolai hadn't doubted the threat. There were rumours about what Mr. Komarov had done to grown men twice Nikolai's size. A scrawny, awkward fifteen year old would be no match for him, if he chose to make good on his word.

Too frightened to speak, all Nikolai could do was stare up at Mr. Komarov and pray that he could communicate his understanding by his expression alone.

Mr. Komarov went up the last few steps, and Nikolai started to leave, but when the older man swung the door open, Nikolai could hear Iryna inside. She was screaming. Never in his life had he heard anguish distilled into such a pure form. There was no other way to describe it. If the deepest pain known to humanity could've been represented by a sound, that was it.

Mr. Komarov bellowed into the house, "Shut up, girl! It's done!"

Nikolai had tried his utmost to restrain himself, but Iryna's desperate cries were too much for him. Before he could stop himself, he was shouting her name. "Ira! Ira, don't worry! Some day we'll all see each other again, I promise!"

He knew he'd done precisely the wrong thing even before all the words were out. Mr. Komarov whirled and came charging down the stairs again, straight toward him. The roar the older man let out was wordless and almost as feral as Iryna's wails of grief, and it terrified Nikolai to his core.

Clutching baby Mikhail against him with both arms, he ran down the snowy street, away from the house. He was shaking so violently that he worried he might fall, and his eyes were streaming tears to the point that he could barely see where he was going. He didn't stop until he reached the end of the street and turned the corner.

Still trembling, he dropped to the sidewalk and then laid Mikhail carefully on his lap so he could take off his scarf and unbutton his coat. First, he wrapped the scarf around Mikhail like a swaddle and then wriggled out of his coat and bundled that around the baby too. He hoped that it'd be enough to keep little Mikhail safe from the unforgiving winter air until they reached home.

He was never more grateful for anything in his life than he was to walk through the front door of his own home and straight into the embrace of his mother and sisters. Mother took Mikhail from him, and the very next second his older sister Dasha was throwing a quilt around his shoulders and leading him into the blessedly warm kitchen.

"It's going to be okay now, Nika," Dasha assured him. "Mother knows what to do, and Katya and I will help."

It would be a long time before he was able to believe everything really would be okay, but eventually he accepted it. He never forgot Iryna, but for Mikhail's sake, he'd had to move on with his life. He'd finished school, went to university, and worked to support himself and his son.

When Mikhail was seventeen, they immigrated to Canada for a better life, and he can say that the past forty years have indeed been the good life he'd hoped for, all things considered. He couldn't completely let go of the thought that he and Iryna might meet again some day, but he'd long ago given up dwelling on the idea. The secret to happiness, he's learned, is to focus on things that are present and real; family, home, work and hobbies. Longing for unreachable things is the way to ensure that a broken heart will never heal.

Things that are present and real. Ira is present and real, here in my arms.

His face is wet with his own tears.

Iryna shifts slightly and says softly, "Nika?"

"I'm here.”

"You said you didn't know what love was," she says. "The day I came to see about the rental, remember? You said that when you were a teenager, you were too young to know what it meant."

"Yes," he agrees. 'I said that."

"You were wrong."

"Was I?"

"You knew," she says. "You wouldn't have raised our son if you didn't."

"I couldn't abandon him. He's part of me."

"And me," she says.

"Yes, and because of him, we're linked together. Even if I didn't know where you were, I could always see a little of you in him."

She pulls away from him slowly, and wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. "Can you tell me about him?"

"I could talk for days about him," he says. He takes off his glasses and rubs at his own eyes. "He's an amazing son. He's clever with machines, like you. He likes fishing and hockey and rebuilding old cars. He's been married to the same girl for over forty years, and we've got two grandchildren, Nikolai and Natalya. Kolya and Natascha, we call them. They're twins."

She lets out a tiny gasp that seems to him to be a mixture of joy and astonishment. "Oh! Grandchildren!"

"And perhaps a great-grandchild next year," he says. "Kolya and his partner got married in July, and they're planning to grow their family."

"I... I'd like to meet them."

"You should," he says. "Mikhail and Elena and the twins know about you. That you're my roommate, I mean, but they don't know who you are. Give me a chance to talk to them first, and then I'll introduce you properly. Would that be all right?"

'Yes," she says. "I think that would be best. It might be a shock if I suddenly appeared out of nowhere and announced that I'm their mother and grandmother."

"Elena and Natascha wouldn't believe that."

"And Mikhail?"

"Let me talk to him."

"All right," she acquiesces. "In the meantime, do you have a picture?"

"I do. I've got loads on my phone, and our family portrait is in my bedroom at home. My phone's in my pocket. Let's see if we can help each other up, and then I'll show you."

It doesn't take all that much effort to get up. Nikolai's knees ache a little, but he's otherwise unharmed, and Iryna doesn't seem any the worse for wear either. He spends a fruitless minute trying to help her brush the sand from her dress before they both give up, laughing.

"Never mind," she says. "Most of it will dry and fall off by the time we get back to the cottage, and then I'll change my clothes and throw this into the washing machine."

He swipes at the leg of his shorts. "These as well."

"Those as well."

Now that he's standing, it's easier to slide his phone from his pocket. He opens his photo gallery and hands the device to her. "Take a look. Oh, and feel free to ignore the pictures of Fish."

They stroll back to the rock they'd been sitting on earlier, and Iryna spends several minutes scrolling through photos and asking Nikolai to identify all the people in them. She exclaims over how much both Mikhail and Kolya resemble him, and gushes over all his candid snapshots from Kolya and Mishka's wedding reception, and she's even interested in the pictures of Kolya and Natascha's friends.

"Your family is beautiful," she says at last, passing the phone back.

Her fingers brush against his as he reclaims the phone, and he gets that same flutter of happiness he experienced at breakfast. He gazes at her, taking in every perfect line of her face, changed so much from when they were young and yet so achingly familiar.

He smiles at her and says softly. "Not just my family. Our family."

__________

TO BE CONTINUED

[bunysliper]

Fic prompt: s5 pillow talk 💛

I know it's been forever since you prompted this, I hope you like it!

Talks in the Dark

"What'd you want to be when you grew up?"

The question comes out of the blue, a complete non sequitur to the last words they'd spoken (which had been more breathless pants than an actual conversation), but Kate just laughs, reaching back for his hand and bringing it around her body to bring his chest flush with her back.

"When you were really little, I mean," he continues, dusting a kiss to the skin at the back of her neck. "I know you told me once that when you were in college you were pre-law, and then you became the greatest detective in the world, but when you were your little, tiny, feisty baby Beckett self, what'd you want to be?"

Kate strokes her fingertips over the back of his hand, using the gentle rhythm to help herself think. She knows she'd wanted to be something different back then, all kids did even if it was something absolutely absurd, but she can't for the life of her remember what it was.

"I really don't know," she says. "I guess maybe I always kind of wanted to be like my mom."

She feels him smile against her skin, shivering when he brushes his stubble along her shoulder.

"I could see that," he agrees. "You do stick to your guns when you know what you want."

Kate exhales, clutching his hand a little tighter. She's trying not to be so rigid, but she knows he's seen that side of her too often.

"My dad used to joke that 'stubborn' should have been my middle name."

Castle chuckles. "Katherine Stubborn Beckett; it does have a ring to it."

She smiles. "Not the worst name in the world, anyway."

He hums.

"Come to think of it, though, I feel like I did once tell my parents I wanted to be a groundskeeper in a cemetery after we went to a funeral."

Castle's head tilts on the pillow. "I need to know. Tell me everything. How did you go from lawyer to groundskeeper in a cemetery, and back to lawyer?"

"I remember seeing the care they took in making sure the graves looked nice, and it was quiet and peaceful there."

"And you didn't think, even for a second that it might be haunted?"

She snorts. "Not even a little bit."

"Party pooper."

Kate hums. "What about you? What'd you want to be before little Ricky Castle decided the life of a writer was for him?"

Castle's fingers twitch in hers. "Oh, I definitely wanted to be a ghostbuster who patrolled a cemetery. Zap a few poltergeists with my proton pack before they can terrorize people? The best."

She doesn't believe it for a second, but she laughs anyway, giving him that.

"And then I'd fall in love with an unbelievably, unrealistically sexy cemetery groundskeeper and we'd be together forever, making sure the army of the undead never rose to terrorize the city."

Kate snorts. "No really, Castle. What'd you want to be?"

He exhales. "A journalist, I think. Television, print, either. I wanted to report facts to people and keep them up to date about what was going on in the world. I used to sit Mother down and force her to watch my nightly news reports. Which I wrote myself about events I almost completely made up."

His lips pucker against her skin. "It turns out fiction is much more fun."

Kate laughs. "Now that I believe."

Behind her, Castle hums.

"I am glad to know that about you, though," she adds. Pulling her hand out of his grip, her fingers trail down his arm, making soothing strokes. "Thanks for telling me."

His foot brushes hers. "Thanks for telling me about yours, too. You would make a pretty hot groundskeeper, you know."

Laughter bubbles in her chest. "Thanks, Castle," she drawls. "I'll keep that in mind if I ever decide to change jobs."

He grins against her skin. "Good."

Quiet settles, blanketing them in warmth. Kate sinks deeper into the mattress, allowing herself to drift. She's on the cusp of sleep when she hears her name again.

"Mmm?"

"I love you."

A smile works its way over her lips. "I know."

He chuckles, pulling her closer, rearranging the tangle of limbs they've created until they're both comfortable.

"Hey Cas'le?" she says a second later, peeking an eye open and twisting her head as far as she can. She can't see him, but it's the thought that counts.

"Yeah?"

"I love you, too."

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Every week I will post various reviews I've written so far in 2024. You can check out my Goodreads for more up-to-date reviews HERE.

Have you read any of these? What were your thoughts?

___

267. Body Check by Elle Kennedy--⭐️⭐️.5

You know it's bad when I can't even remember what this book was about LOL. Thank goodness for review notes.

Something about BODY CHECK just didn't immediately grab me like this author's other books. The mood just felt...off?

I've been spoiled by the newer Elle Kennedy books because this one barely had any prep time before the two MCs meant and went to bone town. Usually, Kennedy's characters have some alone time so we can get attached to them. I know this is her first book, so it definitely had some things that could have been done better. And then I start thinking about how this is a re-edited edition and I'm just kind of mind-blown.

Anyway, other than the fact that this very much felt like a Harlequin novel (not that this is a bad thing, it's just the kind of romance that happens very quickly and with some over-the-top situations), this was one of those quick books that entertains you in the moment and then immediately leaves your mind. I very much wish we'd gotten a bit more about these two before they got together. What we DID get was interesting.

The FMC had a Rachel & Ross situation going on at the beginning of the book and the poor guy was a goner that moment she had some good-good from the hockey player. The best part of this book was the scandal that was haunting the hockey players and the MC's dad. Even though I guessed the twist, it was still fun and entertaining.

If you want spicy spice, this will feed you. You will need milk. But if you want Kennedy's signature (sometimes slow burn) romance with characters who have to work to fall for each other, this one might not be for you. BUT if you're new to Kennedy, this might be a good place to start (only up from here).

I think this is one of those instances where this could have still as a backlist title, especially since most of Kennedy's more recent romance titles are a lot better. I'm not going to talk about her summer series because please.

___

268. Ella Enchanted by Gail Carson Levine--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

What a unique take on Cinderella!

ELLA ENCHANTED was both enjoyable and heartbreaking, all because of poor Ella's curse (excuse me, fairy "gift"). It did make for interesting moments where she learned how to maneuver her curse, and moments where I wanted to protect her from the evil people in her life trying to control her.

What I liked about this one too is that the prince knew who she was before her life completely fell apart. I liked that they had a childhood together where they fell for each other genuinely, and not because Ella looked pretty at a ball.

There was so much adventure, fun, misery, and anger felt in these pages. I also really liked that there were magical limitations and consequences for magical troublemaking. It helped the story feel a bit more genuine and like Ella would have to fight more for her freedom (which made for an even better story).

The ending had me smiling like a sap. Man, I'm glad I've finally read some of these classic stories, but I do wish I'd read them when I was younger. I just know my imagination would have been going wild back then.

___

269. Alive & Wells by Bailey Hannah--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Still hung up on that awesome dedication: "For the city girls in their cowboy romance era. And for the country girls who know a fictional cowboy is always better than the real thing." LOL.

I bought this on a whim during one afternoon trip to a bookstore. I know ranchers and cowboys have been getting really popular in romance novels and I've been curious. I remember my co-worker mentioned that she's met cowboys up in Alberta and they aren't as charming as the ones in the books (which is another reason why I love that dedication so much). But you know, I'm the type of woman who lives vicariously through fiction and that's okay.

Western suspenseful romance is a genre I never thought I'd be into, but after Devney Perry I've been unconsciously looking for more books like INDIGO RIDGE and this was a close comparison. We immediately get that threat of a douche husband and the MC's escape sets off a chain of events. She grows a lot as a character as she takes back her identity and strength that she lost during her marriage.

I LOVED the tension between her and the MMC because he has a genuine reason for being so wary of her. I will always love the idea of one MC having the prove themself to the other. Assuming is the killer of so many first impressions and I love that journey to healing that immediate rift. It usually turns into some nice spicy moments and deep connections between the characters--the perfect pay-off.

I liked that Hannah doesn't shy away from showing the painful aftermath of living in an abusive relationship and how one heals from it both with the help of others, but also with their own self-strength.

Also, can't NOT include the amazing cast of side characters who offered such an incredible level of support and entertainment! I can't wait to read their stories if they're written.

I devoured this book in the only way in can be devoured piece by piece every night for a week. Such a great western romance. Highly recommend. Intense TW for DV, potential gun violence, PTSD, and verbal abuse.

___

270. Love of My Afterlife by Kirsty Greenwood--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I went into this completely blind and a part of me is happy about it and another part is curious as to whether I would have picked this up after reading the synopsis. Sometimes I avoid books like this, either because the concept of it gives me anxiety or because I just side-eye it until it leaves my sight.

THE LOVE OF MY AFTERLIFE was an alright read that honestly made me curious about whether I should DNF it or not. I found myself wanting to do anything but listen to an audiobook and that's usually a telling sign. I will admit though that when I forced myself to press play, I DID enjoy what I was reading. Of course, there were some moments where I rolled my eyes, but there were other moments where I genuinely laughed and rooted for the MC.

Her teen life was awful and I felt so bad for her. It's true that that shit stays with you into adulthood (she says, as she thinks of how her experiences as a bullied kid still haunts her to this day) and can even alter the way you view life and the people you let in. What I wasn't a big fan of was how the MC let out her meanness on her neighbour and the people around her. She lived in that lonely bubble for most of her life and kicked people back before they could enter that bubble. In a way, this was a cautionary tale that the prison others make for you becomes so comfortable that it's really hard to break out of it.

The love interest (we all know it's not that Ken doll she meets briefly. This can't be a spoiler because it's always the one who makes the MC the angriest in the most sexually-tense way) was one of the best parts of this book. I loved that we got to know him alongside the MC and that maybe, he wasn't the jerk she thought he was. Their romance was adorable and saved a chunk of the book.

My major issues were her attitude, her obsession with that dude (to the point where it was just creepy), and some reviewers pointed out some inconsistencies that an editor would have caught.

Do I think this could easily be someone's favourite book? Hell yeah, I do. Look at that overall rating! I'm glad others liked it way more than I did. If you like romances with deadlines, a bit of paranormal action, and a grumpy neighbour who is secretly a cinnamon roll, then you might like this one!

___

271. The Ex Vows by Jessica Joyce--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Unpopular opinion, but save for the conflict resolution in this one, I think I liked the first book more. BUT this was still really cute!!!

I think the problem with me and this book was that everyone hyped it up for me. I had already loved Joyce's previous book, so I was doubly excited for THE EX VOWS. AND don't get me wrong, this one was super enjoyable. I had fun and I loved the characters and how they found themselves back in each others' orbits. I love a solid redemption arc.

But.

Something about this one didn't immediately grab me like the other book. I think it was the main trope. I'm not as big of a fan of second chance romances and I think that's honestly a very me problem. The other was an enemies to lovers romance and that is my bread and butter, second chance takes a while to capture me. I do love when a romance is rekindled and it's proven that the MC and her love interest have shared a love all along, but there's no tension like that of enemies LOL.

Anyway, THE EX VOWS was cute! I liked that we get thrown immediately into this uncomfortable situation where the MC is forced to face the one who got away (let their love sizzle down?). As the story progresses, we learn that both characters dropped the ball either from anxiety and a fear of failure, and a lack of self-love and self-importance. In other words, neither communicated (which I will ALWAYS say is a relationship killer). And now, they have a second chance.

I think what makes this story so successful with so many readers is how palpable the connection is between these two characters, and how much they love their friends. But also, the representation of what getting help and putting yourself first looks like. Also, the friendships are so sweet and portray what sometimes happens in life as we grow and change and adapt to what life throws at us.

Also, that conflict resolution. Because please, that was some A+ level writing and I wish more romance novels employed that level of communication and understand during the climax of a story.

Read this book. It's popular for a reason--it's very well written and I am SO excited to see what else Jessica Joyce writes!

___

272. Stay Dead by April Henry--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

STAY DEAD was not at all what I was anticipating. For some reason, that cover made me think that this was going to be a zombie apocalypse book (the truth behind entering a book without reading the synopsis). Thankfully, I'm still a sucker for these kinds of books. Survival and running away from someone hunting the MC down? Sign me up!

While I do wish there was more of a survival aspect after the plane crash, I was completely pulled in by the MC's intelligent approach to surviving the people who wanted her dead. There were some moments where I thought it would all end, but she somehow would get out safe. Also, as I've mentioned many times in past reviews, I love when a villain underestimates the MC because it makes the story more exciting.

I also liked that this was a realistic situation because of the reason behind WHY the MC and the previous people involved were hurt or hunted. I won't say it here, but I thought it was very timely. It was also well supported by that surprising third perspective that gives us more of an explanation of what was happening, why it was happening, and the real-life consequences.

And while I did like the hint of a romance there with the childhood best friend, I do appreciate that Henry stayed true to the story and focused more on the MC's journey than the potential romance. It was also left open-ended enough that there is either a what-if aspect to it, or a sequel cooking somewhere.

Overall, this was fun and was non-stop action. Really ended up enjoying this one, even if it wasn't about zombies.

___

273. The Switch by Lynsay Sands--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Loved the bi-panic in this LOL gave me a great laugh. But impressed that it was happening in a book published when it was (late 90s).

I'll be honest, I'm always wary whenever I start a historical romance. I don't know if it'll be a story that immediately hooks me, or if it'll be one that has so much exposition that I'll be dragging my eyelids open. Thankfully, THE SWITCH was fun from the very beginning.

These twin sisters were smart and hilarious as they fell into their new roles, even if one twin was slightly more selfish than the other. And to be fair, that was part of the character growth--the one MC learning to stand up for herself and that being a little selfish sometimes is healthy.

I thought that the star of the book was the MMC and his constant confusion. It brought back memories of MULAN and how Li Shang must have felt when he found himself attracted to Mulan when she was dressed as a man. Watching this man trying to figure out his confusing feelings was pure entertainment--especially when this story is set in a world where queerness wasn't something done out in the open. Of course, there were moments that were indicative of the time this book was written (like trying to force someone to sleep with a woman at a brothel to make him "manlier"), but I'll be honest and say I was incredibly surprised with how progressive this novel felt.

THE SWITCH was just pure fun and I enjoyed every moment of it, even if these sisters have a really bad habit of jumping into danger feet first and without looking.

___

274. The Hookup Mix-Up by Riley Hart--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

These marshmallow characters were the sweetest LOL. Loved this, but I know I read this series out of order. Oops.

THE HOOKUP MIX-UP was such a fun and adorable time. I love that this couple started with a friendship because the one MC's self-esteem needed to be brought up before he could feel loved and love in return. The way they meet was adorable and the mix-up had me cackling. I just kept thinking "So adorably dumb."

This was definitely one of those books that is meant to be devoured in the summer. The spicy elements were great and their chemistry was jumping off the page. I loved their dynamic and how each offered the other something that they were both missing.

The side characters were hilarious and added so much personality to the book. I do wish I had read their book first. I liked that they side-eyed the MCs whenever they tried to play down what they were doing together.

I DO wish we had gotten more of a conclusion regarding the one MC's ex. I would have loved to see her be more aware of what she lost because she was BRUTAL. This book could have definitely been a little bit longer.

But this was still a fun time and like the past books I've read by Riley Hart, I really enjoyed this one!

___

Happy reading!

[evansbby]

I miss Gaza. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss my home. I miss the walks on the beach with my cousins. I miss the corner shops where everything was cheap. I miss going to the mosque with my friends and family. I miss going to the park with my brothers. I miss my school. I miss my kitten Kiki. I miss the summers spent at my grandparents. I miss walking to school with my brothers and talking about what we're going to do afterwards. I miss going to the library every day and constantly reading new books. I miss picking out new dresses at the store. I miss riding my bike with my cousins. I miss my neighbor Mohamed who I would always play chess with. I miss Palestine, my home.

My world turned upside down when my parents told me we were moving, seeing them hastily pack up everything. I was eleven years old, not knowing why we had to leave our home. I remember hearing my mom cry in the other room on the phone with my aunt. I remember my dad driving in a hurry. Nobody wanted to tell me what was happening, but deep down I knew. And then we were in Egypt, my parents were scared that we'd get sent back, if it wasn't for my dad's connections I think we'd be dead by now.

Next thing I know we're on a flight to, in my mom's words, "the big tower clock country" (we were going to London in). Seeing my uncle waiting for us at the airport and talking to me about how much fun it is here and how I'd make lots of friends. All I could think about if there was a chance that l'd ever be able to go back home. Eleven years later and I still haven't been able to go back home. I had to learn to live with the racism, the Islamophobia, the zionists, the constant hate against my people. I had to learn to cope with the dead of my family members, my friends, my neighbor. Luckily some of my close family could also leave, but then a lot could not and I'm honestly not sure how many are still alive.

I'm incredibly grateful and lucky that I was able to get to a safe country, yet I still miss everything back home. I'm so incredibly thankful to everyone who attended the march for Palestine in London and overall just in any city over the world. Hurts my heart seeing Noah Schnapp holding stickers that says 'zionism is sexy' while Bella Hadid got death threats because she speaks up about Palestine. My point in sharing my story is to remind people that the Palestinians you hear about in the media getting murdered, ALL had lives, they all had dreams, they all had friends and families, they all had their whole world taken from them. They are innocent human beings.

I still hold out hope that one day, I'll be able to take my kids to see the Gaza that I saw. 🇵🇸🩷

I’m so sorry 💜 I know nothing that I say could even comfort you at all. But thank you for choosing to share this with me, I can feel the pain in your words. The pain of being forced to leave your home and being so young that you don’t even understand why. And being so scared and confused… my heart truly goes out to you and the millions of others in Gaza who have been displaced, or lost their homes, lost the land they grew up on, lost their lives or the lives of their loved ones. It’s an actual modern day horror, what we are witnessing.

This is real, individual people we are talking about. As you said, they all had lives, all had dreams, all had hobbies and interests the same as we do. And it’s crazy the luxury we have, us who have never known the struggle or heartbreak of being displaced. Of experiencing a literal genocide. I am so privileged to be able to sit comfortably in my bedroom knowing that no one could just come and claim it as theirs. That no fuckass rich white bitch from Brooklyn New York could just shack up in my house and call it HER land. (Sorry for my language, it just makes me so angry. The way some people are reacting across the world makes me so angry… and I know it makes you ever angrier and more upset.)

My heart goes out to you and I pray to Allah that you will one day return to a free Palestine. To a free Gaza and your people can rebuild what was so cruelly taken from them. The same people who were so cruelly dehumanised by the Zionists and their religious ethnostate of “Isr*el.” I have no sympathy for the Zionists or their supporters. I have no respect for privileged celebrities like Noah Schnapp and others like that woman from the big bang theory, who can sit so comfortably in their mansions and feel like they know what is going on and try to persuade others to support their Zionistic views. When there are brave Palestinian children, women, men, babies, all innocent, all dying and they think the world has turned their back on them. All they have now is their faith.

I’m speaking to you straight from my heart, I know I don’t know you. But what you’ve said has touched me so much and I wish I could do more. I’m happy that you were able to escape and your immediate family is safe, I’m happy your father had the connections he did. I mourn the loss of your homeland, but I’m praying for you and all your people. And I will not forgive or forget what every single Zionist (celebrity or every day person) has said, how they have acted, what they have chosen to support. Years from now they will say they were brainwashed, misguided, they’ll sweep it under the rug and they’ll be forgiven but I will not forgive them.

There is hope in my heart seeing how many people (1mill+) that showed up every Saturday to protest in London, and all over the world in support of Palestine. The strongest thing in this world is hope… and faith. In my opinion. And it hurts, because reading your vivid memories, and how well you remember your home… But I know it won’t be for nothing. Idc if this sounds sappy but I’ll hope and pray for a free Palestine, and for you to go home one day.

[quinn-joseph]

"A Place In My Heart" - Bucky Barnes x f! Reader, Part 2

I know I didn't get much attention from the last post but I'd like to share my thoughts about this story. 🥺

Word count: 1.3k

Tw: blood/violence/offensive words

*******🔪*******🔪*******🔪*******🔪

Bucky:

"So I see you lovebirds are getting along very well".

My jaw clenched and the man gave me an amused look. "Hello, Sam. I don't remember inviting you in," I said through gritted teeth. The Falcon gave us an amused laugh and purposely sat down between us.

"Buck, you know I'm always welcome here", he replied, using the nickname he knows he's not allowed to use, still smiling. Wilson nodded to (Y/N) and looked back at me. He wouldn't come after me unless he really needed to. And then I realized that that moment was exactly it.

"I'll leave you two alone and go back home, I need to rest." She got up from the couch in a jerky movement, trying to pull her gaze away from me, but I held mine, assuring her I hadn't regretted it. But I didn't want to involve her in my problems with Sam. So I walked her to the door, leaned against the doorframe, putting my hands in my pants pockets.

"So…see you," I said it in under my breath. When I said I hadn't danced since 1941, that's also what I was talking about. I sounded like a fucking plant talking to the woman in front of me.

"See you later, Bucky. Take care," (Y/N) replied, grabbing my shoulder as she greeted me with a kiss on the cheek and I felt my skin burn. No one had no idea how much I'm going to hear from Sam Wilson about that in the next few days.

I closed the door and sat down, waiting for Falcon to start talking. "Bucky and (Y/N) sitting in a treeee", he hummed and got serious when he saw my face. "Okay, alright, I'm sorry. I got carried away". I noticed that.

"So we'll need to leave town again tomorrow, I've been told they're stealing loads of weapons and ammunition in Greece. They're saying John Walker wants to travel there and avoid a catastrophe. We know that story," he explained. My head spun from the information, plus the alcohol that was still slowly dissipating in me.

"If he wants to go and try to resolve this situation like a great triumphant superhero, let him go." I snapped, my temples were exploding and I cursed myself to the last generation. "Sam, we can't try to fight this illustrious Captain America, the country is always waiting for him to save the day".

The man rolled his eyes, trying to remain calm. "Yes, Bucky. And that's the problem. We both know very well that one day that mask of his will fall and we need to be there. We have to show that the world needs Falcon and Winter Soldier." I sighed, counted to ten, and remembered the doctor's rule number 2: "don't hurt anyone".

Well, now I really wanted to hurt Sam because his refusal to become Captain America brought us to this situation, but he knows that and he's going to strangle me the next time I mention that. I didn't need to respond, we'd have to intercept whatever attack people were planning, and we needed to act subtly, considering Walker's illustrious presence is expected. I thought about everything, I made a trajectory in my head of what it would be like if (Y/N) were alone.

But at the same time I recognized her description and how strictly "friendly" our relationship was in the public eye. This would have to work out, as long as we made it back alive and away from bars, everything would be fine.

*********

I really thought things would be working out, when thousands of people walked through the streets of Athens armed with heavy weapons, in addition to stun bombs. Sam would fly around and give me information about individuals. We discovered that the groups were planning an attack due to the crisis conditions in the city. I said it was better to stay out, but he insisted. Several people pushed and barricaded themselves, while national security tried - unsuccessfully - to block the passages and attacks.

After several minutes in an attempt to stop the shooting, I decided I would use my gun and at least drop most of the men with some blank bullets. When I looked over my seven o'clock, I saw Captain America using his shield to protect a few innocent people who couldn't defend themselves. Just. Great.

I ran to where Sam instructed me by my earpiece while creating a wedge between the terrorists and the cops. This would never work without him.

"Barnes, John will attack them too. Watch out." He warned me and I held several civilians on the opposite side of the attack. Rubber bullets smacked into my left arm and bounced wildly in random directions. As I ran towards the attacks, I knocked several of them down with brute blows, seeming to knock them unconscious. That's when I felt a jolt in my jaw, and a hand gripping my neck.

The colored shield clung to the man's back was enough for me to understand that it was Walker. It is clear. I grabbed the arm tightly and the engines from my metal arm automatically removed his hand from my throat, making me gasp for air. I wonder if he didn't see it was me, or maybe that was on purpose.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Bucky, I didn't think it was you," he replied, taking a few steps back. "Don't hurt anyone", yeah fuck that now. My head went straight for his nose and he started bleeding straight away.

"Sam, can you track me? We've got a problem here," I said as I tried to pull away from John, or I'd break his face right there. The shield slammed into my back, knocking me to the ground as I was trampled by countless people. A hand dragged me to a corner of an alley and Wilson was pulling all the air out of his lungs

"What the fuck was that? Was that John?", Falcon asked while we tried to manage another way to deal with the situation, and we saw that Captain America was managing to disperse the public, but at the same time he was killing several terrorists.

"The guy is getting off all the people with such cowardice very well," he yelled. Yeah, I can see that. But I just got another plan.

"If you can still fly, keep an eye on my back while I take care of it." I came back through the crowd and grabbed the Captain by the collar, firing several thuds against him. He had strength, but he wasn't like Steve. Steve had more grip on his punches and would never look away from his opponent, something that distracted him. In an exchange of blows, he hit me several times in the same spot on my face, and the metallic taste of blood left me stunned.

"Bucky, back the fuck off right now. This is getting worse". This battle turned out to be a lot more personal than I'd planned, and when I finally managed to get away from him, I kicked him hard in the stomach and dashed out of there.

In the jet, Sam and I tried not to worry about what would happen on the way back, especially after Walker got back to the States. What would the Americans' reaction be if he decided to talk about the personal conflict between him and the Winter Soldier? My ribs were definitely broken, and my face was swollen from his punches, while Wilson tried to keep a pleasant face, even though he wanted to laugh at the situation I went through.

His eyes returned to the shield that rested atop a single bench and he glanced at me. He didn't realize I saw it, but I noticed there was a certain amount of regret for doubting his ability to represent Steve.

As I tried to rest my body, a variety of flashes of battles as the Winter Soldier quickly ran through my mind, and the more effort I made to keep myself sane, the more images appeared. And this happened every time I returned from a mission.

[beansnsoup]

Hi 👋 May I politely ask for the mario and luigi do secretly birthday for her younger sister,like today is her birthday,but mario and Luigi pretend not knowing is her birthday and give big surprise 🤭

I hope you can make kind long story for her birthday

- I'm loving these sibling requests

☆

Birthday Girl

Summary: The thing you hated most was people forgetting things, especially important things, and your brothers knew that, so they'd thought it'd make a good excuse to throw a surprise party.

Relationship: Platonic

Characters: Luigi & Mario

Warnings: angst??, fluff, surprises, fem reader

You wake up that morning in pure excitement. You could barely sleep the night before.

Your mom would always make you a nice breakfast and greet you with a, "There's my birthday girl!" It was by far your favorite day of the year.

Today seemed to be a bit off, though, that morning when you walked into the kitchen. You got the usual hellos and good mornings, not even your mom said anything special.

You didn't question it, though. You'd hate to be the one that ruins the vibe, but if you were being honest, you felt like you were going to cry.

You excused yourself from the table so you could start getting ready for school, it felt like you were overreacting but the thought of people changing the way things have been for years and forgetting such thinh hurt alot.

"I mean, it's weird, right? You guys don't think I'm overreacting?" You discussed with your friends that morning in your free period.

"I personally think it's sketchy, your family weirdly goes all out for birthdays."

"Yeah, your party last year was insane. Don't regret a thing, though." Your other friend chimed in, taking a swig of he coffee.

"My mom didn't even say anything."

Your friends sent you a blank stare, "You're joking."

You shook your head, "Nope, Mario and Luigi even took off work for these couple of days. They didn't say anything either."

"There's got to be something going on."

That was followed by you shrugging. At this point, you accept anything, even if it was just you going out that afternoon with your friends.

If your family did remember later on, you could pull a petty reality show moment on them or something.

After school ended that day, the three of you went out to go thrifting, then went to the local cupcake bakery. It was probably the only amount of cake you were going to get today.

Your friends sang you happy birthday, and then you all went to Party City to play around in kids' costumes and party supplies.

"You think mom and dad will let you guys stay over?"

"Yeah, I'd just have to call my parents."

"Same."

The three of you begin to make your way towards your apartment building, you had to admit that you were dreading to face your family again after them forgetting your birthday, but you hoped it was just a one time thing.

Your friends had their arms latched around yours with you walking in the middle. You could tell they were trying their best to bring your mood back up.

Truth was that they hated seeing you so bummed out, the day before you couldn't stop talking about how excited you were and wondering what breakfast you would get or cake design.

They wanted you to have the best birthday you could, forgetful family aside.

You all walk up to the door of your apartment, and one of your friends open the door for you guys with their free hand.

"Surprise!"

You let go of your friends' grasp, hands going straight to your mouth. Your mom comes up to you first, wrapping you in a warm hug,

"I thought you all forgot." You mutter out to her. "Oh, Tesoro, we're your family. We'd never do that to you." She planted a kiss on your forehead.

You felt tears threatening to spill out. You turned around to your friends to distract yourself from this, "We're you guys in on this?"

"A little," one of them said in a wincing tone, "We were bribed to distract you." The other laughed out.

Your brothers jumped up from behind you. Once you met them face to face, they were welcomed with a slap, "Jerks!"

"Ow!" Luigi let out, rubbing the spot where you hit, "Would you have rather us really forget?" Mario asked you with a diva like look on his face.

You crossed your arms and rolled your eyes along with it, "No."

"That's what I thought."

"Can we have cake now?" Your friend asked, you glanced over to your mom, "It's fine with me."

Later that night, you and your friends were cooped up in your room, organizing gifts your family had gotten you.

"Y/N?"

You hummed in reply,

"Can I be your sister-in-law?"

"Ew, what?"

"Oh my god, I think Mario is a catch." Your friend chimed in, adding a vintage tone to her voice as she put her hand to her forehead.

"Good because I think Luigi is the sweetest and a total dreamboat." The other said in the same vintage tone.

I LOVE WRITING SIBLING FANFICS ♡♡♡

You stuffed your face in your pillow, "My new birthday wish is for you guys not to marry my brothers."

[hero-deserves-to-be-happy]

really late, but wanted to send in a little assortment of question prompts for the ask game, so take your pick!: 3 and 16 for hero, 1 and 5 for CJ, 6 and 7 for lorraine, 8 and 15 for tamra, 18 for kel, and 13 for sunny! :D - 🩶

🩶-Anon!!!! Hello!! It's so wonderful to hear from you again. 🥰 We hope you are doing well and that you enjoyed the newest chapters of "When Sun Shines Again." Thank you so much again for the support and encouragement! It meant so much to us to get to hear your thoughts on our series, and we made sure to thank you in our authors' note on Chapter 7 & hope you enjoyed that one especially 💖

Thank you so much for your ask as well! It is always such a delight to see you in our inbox, and we'd be thrilled to answer these questions for you! We're going to try to answer all of them but have decided to divide them into two posts: one for canon characters and the other for OCs. The OC answers are below and the canon character post is linked here. Thank you so much for playing!!

Please drop by our inbox anytime! We love hearing from you. Take care!! 💙

C.J. Answers:

1. Who makes up your family?  How close are you to them?

My immediate family is my parents, my three sisters: Shawna, Lisa, and Camille (but we all call her Cami), and me, but my Nana (my grandma) has always lived with us so I'd include her too. I think I'm pretty close to them.

My older sisters, Shawna and Lisa, are always going to see me as their dorky little brother, I think, but they've always looked out for me. Nana says used to treat me like their doll when I was little and would dress me up in silly clothes and loved pushing me around the in stroller like they were playing house, but I don't remember that beyond her stories and some pictures. I do remember playing together with my sisters as kid though. They both have much stronger personalities than me, so I think they liked that I would just go along with whatever they said and whatever games they wanted to play. Shawna can be really bossy sometimes, and Lisa's really into a lot of girly stuff I don't know that much about, but we always had fun together. They tease me for being hopeless with girls (instead of, you know, actually giving me useful advice), but I know we've got each other's backs.

Cami is my little sister, and she's 7. Shawna and Lisa were 15 and 17 when she was born, but I was only 12 so I think we've always been a little bit closer, especially when our older sisters went away to college and we were the only kids still living at home. Our parents work a lot so we spent a lot of time together just the two us and Nana. We like to watch cartoons together, and Cami loves stories, especially comic books (and I have a pretty big collection of those). She was really sad when I left for college, and I really miss her, but we talk on the phone a lot.

5. What is your favorite thing to do in your free time?

I love spending time outdoors. Hiking is probably my favorite thing to do, but I love pretty much all outdoor activities, except fishing. It's too boring.

I like spending time with my friends too, so the best is when they tag along on my hiking trips. There's a lot of parks in the city including a nature preserve with a lot of hiking trails close to our college, and we'll all go out there sometimes when the weather is nice. Hero and Lorraine pack picnics for us. It's always a lot of fun!

LORRAINE Answers:

6. What's the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do?

It was hard to move around a lot and keep leaving my friends when I was a kid. I missed them so much and it has hard to keep in touch from so far away, but now I have pen pals all over the world so that's pretty cool! 🥰

I guess getting over some painful breakups was hard too. Heartbreak can be hard to recover from, but I don't think any of my failed relationships left me shattered and swearing off love forever like poor Hero (or at least I think that's what happened to him...? I don't know all the details, but I can tell his heart is broken and he doesn't think he'll ever be happy again. I worry about him sometimes... 🩷).

Compared to that and everything that happened to Kyle's knee, I don't think anything I've been through has been all that bad. Even my sister has had a rougher time than me, I think. I've had some normal tough times like everybody does, but nothing too lifechanging.

7. Who do you look up to?

My mom! She's so nice and so beautiful, and she has this way of making everybody happy, even when they're having a bad day. When I still lived at home and would invite my friends over, they would say she was like another mom to them because she always makes them feel so welcome and like part of our family. She's amazing at baking, crafts, and especially at gardening, and it's almost like she has this superpower where she can just look at person and know what's bothering them and what will make them feel better. I've always wanted to be just like her! 🥰

TAMRA Answers:

8. What do you think had the biggest impact on you growing up?

I think being encouraged to practice my music and follow my dreams had a really big impact on me. My parents wanted me to do well in school, of course, but they knew how much I loved playing piano so they always made sure I had lessons and time for practice too and would drive me all over the country for recitals, concerts, and competitions. My parents never made me feel like my music was a waste of time.

When I went away to college, I ended up choosing a double major in music and education because I love teaching too, and they were always really supportive of me. I think I might have given up on my dreams if it hadn't been for them.

I also have to mention Andre! He's been my best friend for as long as I can remember, and we've always been really supportive of each other and our dreams (even when they led us to universities thousands of miles away from each other). Getting to meet him and grow up together (and eventually to fall in love 💕) also had a really big impact on me! 💜

15. Do you play any instruments?  Which ones?  How long have you been playing?

Yes! I can actually play a lot of instruments at least a little bit 😅--mostly keyboard instruments like the piano, organ, synthesizer, keytar, melodica, and the harpsicord. Some of my friends from band in high school tried to teach me how to play some of their instruments, and I got pretty good at the clarinet, I think, which made it easier to play the melodica. At college, I've been trying to branch out into strings. My university has a program where its music majors teach private lessons to kids and other people in the community. I teach piano, but a friend of mine teaches viola and another teaches cello, and after our lessons wrap up for the day, we've all been staying late so teach each other our instruments a little bit. It's been fun, but I wouldn't say I'm very good at either of those yet.

My favorite instrument and the one I'm best at is definitely the piano. I've been playing since I was 4, and I love it! It's amazing to get to play piano at college too--though I'll admit I'm getting a little sick of playing Chopin. The chair of the music department's favorite composer is Chopin so I keep getting assigned his pieces for my student showcases, and I'd really like to play something else every now and again (Maybe some Debussy or some Rachmaninoff 🤞).

At my other part time job, I play popular music on piano at a restaurant, and that's always fun! I love transcription projects and getting to play people's (my friends') favorite songs on piano for them. 🥰

[deathsbestgirl]

so some of my medical history:

lyme disease when i was 10

mono right after (one kid i was never near in the county had it)

a weird ass contagious skin disease that was very contagious so i couldn't go to school (easily treatable) that no one else in the county had

diagnosed with a type of arthritis when i was 15 (the "treatment" didn't help)

i've had 4 surgeries for cysts (ganglion cysts both wrists, left side lypoma, cholestiatoma in my left ear)

tubes in my ears 3 times

2 surgeries to replace the bone in my left ear (i'm HOH)

MRSA my freshman year of college (not allowed at school)

junior year? i started getting treated for chronic lyme (controversial) was on multiple antibiotics for 4 years, went gluten free, no sugar, very little caffeine, got cdif (colitis) (almost died) had to stop that route. tried chinese medicine (garlic & herbs) was taking chlorophyll with too much copper, got copper poisoning & almost died (when my dad was first diagnosed with cancer no less) stopped that course too. (also did a whole miserable diet that i can't even talk about bc i really like food & that also almost killed me bc i didn't want to eat ever)

did acupuncture for years, that was the MOST helpful. she improved my period, helped make my diet tolerable, improved my pain & migraines by leagues, etc etc

pretty sure i have pots, maybe eds but i haven't tried to get diagnosed because ... i hate doctors with a burning passion. my biggest problem now is fainting & allergies lol and liquid iv & compression socks have actually made the biggest difference. used to survive on gatorade & pedialyte. and i need to go back to acupuncture

i'm always in pain (muscles, joints literally all of them) but you learn to live with it. and my very helpful doctors told me to ignore that pain when i was 15 & said fatigue was normal. so um. yeah

i feel like i've buried most of the memories, like they were years ago at this point but they feel like another life sometimes.

it's so isolating and if i didn't have two really good friends at home when i left college, i don't know how i would have made it. they would come over basically everyday and we'd watch tv & hang out, they'd make sure i ate & help me clean etc etc (i had the downstairs apartment if my parents house most of the time and *thankfully* my family was always helpful & understanding, my mom fought so hard for me) my mom & my friends could tell how i was feeling without my having to saying a word about it.

it absolutely kills me every time i read about what others deal with when they have chronic illnesses because that just. is not how anyone should be treated when they're sick & in pain. i remember being 15 and the whole world telling me "you can't be sick all the time" like literally yes you can you dumb fucks. again, thankfully i had some great teachers who made so many allowances for me (letting someone leave class early with me because i couldn't walk or carry my stuff but i had no aids or plan with the school. sometimes teachers that weren't even mine let a friend leave their class. one teacher didn't make me read a tale of two cities because i missed the whole unit) i had another friend going through hell. she has crohn's disease and she almost went blind and it took a long time for her to get diagnosed too.

one of those days i'm just mad at the world. this post doesn't really have any purpose other than to say listen to disabled people, especially the ones in your life. and if you can help them then you should. it's isolating & exhausting & painful in so many ways. people shouldn't lose friends because of their health. they shouldn't be guilted because of their health. health isn't an achievement, it isn't something you can control even if you do everything you possibly can. some things we just have to live with.

[jaclynhyde]

The Shade's Journal

In lieu of a letter column, James Robinson's run of Starman occasionally featured text pieces from the Shade's journal. As these are not included in the Starman Compendium or DC's digital versions, I wanted to type them up so everyone can experience such treasures as the Shade's love for dogs, Howard Hughes getting beat up, and Jack Knight's weird thing for mimes. All of these are written by James Robinson; the rest will come eventually, as will a compilation post.

Starman v2 Issue 2

FROM THE SHADE'S JOURNAL

The problem with immortality is the memories. Prolonged life means more events, which in turn means more recollections at a later date. And there are so, so, so many events to recall.

Today there was nothing much occurring that I felt warranted inclusion in my journals. David Knight patrols the nighttime streets, and the city is Opal City. For this reason, with my book open on a blank white page, and my pen in my fingers, I feel compelled to write of the other times. Times past.

I remember London. Visiting it for the final time. Visiting Oscar too, at his Tite Street home. This was long before his fall from grace, thankfully. We ate a fine cream tea that afternoon, and I think this was not the first for Oscar, as his waistline was more than beginning to show. Not that it really mattered to me; I merely pause now to reflect.

Our time together was a delight. I sat and listened mainly. Oscar's night before had been one of fine port and rakishness, so he was slow to start with his wit. But, of course, he started eventually. And I listened and laughed as Oscar commented on "this" public figure or "that" bit of scandal. Indeed, that week there'd been a salacious new tale about Catherine Walters. "Skittles" as she was known, was one of London's more famous "grande horizontales." There had been talk of her and W.H. Grace, the famous cricket player. Oscar made a remark about "Dr. Grace getting a sticky wicket" that had me doubled over with laughter.

I'd just begun to realize, then, that perhaps, just perhaps, I was no longer going to age. This fact had crept up on me. It was with shock I realized that the week prior I'd turned sixty and yet still looked to be in my late thirties. And that day was when it really sank in. Oscar was beginning to show those signs of a misspent life that should have been mine also. Seeing the signs of wear and tear in my friend made me sad. And a little ashamed. Guilty.

Yes, looking back, perhaps that was why I never saw Oscar again. It was 1891, years after we'd last met in Opal City during his American tour. And years before his troubles with Queensbury and all the dreadfulness that followed. Poor Oscar, perhaps I should have been there for him in '95. But like many other friends, I was nowhere to be found.

Anyway, Oscar's evening was to be spent with Lord Alfred whom he'd recently met. Oscar was charmingly firm in telling me that I was not invited to accompany them.

And so we were alone that night, London and I.

My mood and the wind both had a sharp sting to them, and one or the other bid me to venture forth to Tiger Bay, down by the Thames where the air was foul and all good folk know never to go. But I am not, nor ever was, a good man. And so I went.

The opium dens and drinking clubs were full, with sailors, and doxies and Orientals. You could hear any language in the work. You could see any color skin too. London has always been a melting pot, and on this night in Tiger Bay, the fire beneath that pot was burning fierce.

I walked into a deserted courtyard, on my way from one street to another, and there stumbled on a most singular occurrence: a large brown bear being clubbed to death by its owner. The beast was close to the end, from the many repeated blows his owner had given it with a sharp studded mallet. I inquired what terrible thing the beast had done, that it should be treated so, and the man replied that the bear was too old to perform anymore. The bear had been a street dancer and on weekends in Pitney Market and other parts, had made this fellow much coin. But now old, the bear was costing the owner more to feed than the animal brought in, and so the man and resolved to kill the beast and sell its flesh to the slaughterhouses.

Something about the scenario struck me as ludicrous. The man was small and weak, and yet had somehow overcome this huge animal and with no regard or affection was now ending its existence merely for aging. I think my guilt over Oscar's aging might still have been affecting me. Perhaps.

Whatever. I killed the man.

The reason I'd gone to Tiger Bay was that this had been where I was born. "I" being the Shade, of course. I had even then ceased to think of my "human" existence, before my transformation, as living. I suppose by returning to my roots, I'd thought to gain some inner peace. To this day the horror I witnessed during my creation and the countless deaths that occurred then still haunt me. Back in 1891, they were vivid and terrible, and I know I'd have done all and anything to end them. 

But going back never allows one to go forward. That's a myth fashioned by poets. And I am no poet. All I got from my journey was sadness—the kind that grabs and clings and threatens to drag you down to the shadows of a dark place, where even I, who know much of dark places, am fearful to go.

It was as I turned back towards the city that I saw her, the final nail in the coffin that was my waning affection for London. The Victoria Match Factory employed over a thousand girls and women. The work consisted of tipping match sticks into phosphorus, which, after prolonged contact, caused the bones of the workers doing this to decay. The sight of beggar girls without jaws or fingers was a common one. "Phos girls," as they were known. And it was now that one such poor wretch approached me. The lack of a jaw prevented her from speaking, and instead she mewed plaintively, like a kitten. I had seen such girls before. I had seen them. And I had thought my heart hardened by it, that sight, and everything else.

Yet that night a tear fell from my cheek.

I gave the girl a guinea. More money than she'd ever seen, to be sure.

And I turned and walked from her and from London and from England. Never to return. Opal City had been my residence then, a place where I lived and went forth, visiting London and Paris and Gotham City. But from that moment on, the Opal truly became my home. My place in the world.

*****

It's been an hour since I wrote those last words. In that time, much has happened. I've enjoyed a rather good French wine; this, the perfect complement to my dinner of beef and oyster pie. Also, some lucky citizen of Opal City won seven million dollars in the lottery. And finally…David Knight, this city's current champion, has been less than lucky.

David Knight was murdered twenty minutes gone.

The reports are still vague, definite answers few, but it does indeed appear that David Knight has died. There's nothing I can do about it, of course. Until I know more, it would be unwise of me to attempt anything. And of course, there's the distinct possibility that I won't want to attempt anything, anyway. So for now, I listen to the news reports, and I think, and of course, in my present mood…

…I remember.

Few recall the Starman of the 1950's, but I do. He flew the night skies over Opal for a year and a week, and then died a brave death. Brave and foolish, Ted Knight was still intent on his research. He'd just developed the prototype Cosmic Rod, and I think his mind was wrapped up in furthering that work. He was recovering physically too, from injuries sustained in Washington. Indeed, thinking about it, he looked the worse from that for quite some time. And then he married also, and women will ever be the death of men's endeavors, so who can blame Knight for his time away from the cape and costume.

I've many theories on the identity of the champion who arose to take Ted's place in those days when the Starman of lore wasn't there for his city. Alas, the ultimate answer to that question is still one that eludes me. Perhaps Knight knows. Perhaps one day I'll get the opportunity to ask him. However, it was evident that the 1950's Starman had different powers and a different costume and bore no real relationship to the one before or any since. A riddle surely. A puzzle. Some love such twisted passageways, but I detest them.

I'll know the truth, the whole truth, one day. I will.

But for now I content myself merely to remember.

[ladydorian05]

A Home for Broken Hearts ~ Chapter 2

Co-written with @made-ofmemories (she also made the header)

What's this!? Two chapters in one day!?

Yup, two chapters in one day!

You can expect one chapter per week, we'll most likely be posting on Saturdays. And last but not least, we'd love to read what you think of this fic! ❤️ Enjoy!! :D

Word count: 2,810

Master Post

AO3

Chapter 2: Of broken hearts and healing ideas

Robin thinks she’s stealthy, sneaking into Steve’s room, but she might just be the clumsiest person in the entire city and she is not as quiet as she thinks she is, creeping around the admittedly cluttered space. He wakes the minute she opens the door. 

“Rise and shine, Stevie!” She sounds far too chipper, ripping the curtains open and sending him burrowing under the covers when the sunlight hits his squinting eyes. 

“Go away, Robin.” His voice is muffled by the comforter bunched up around his face. It’s too early, his head is pounding and he would very much like to go back to sleep. 

“Not until you tell me what happened last night.” 

He must have woken her when he stumbled into the apartment last night. He doesn’t remember much after passing the threshold, but he must have been loud because Robin sleeps like the dead.

The bed dips as she flops down beside him. He lets out a sigh then rolls over to face her. She’ll drag it out of him one way or another, she always does. Steve had never believed in soulmates, until he met Robin and it was like staring at a part of himself that he hadn’t even known was missing. 

Steve peeks his head out from beneath the blanket and sees Robin’s blue eyes staring back at him expectedly. Laying like this reminds him of the sleepovers they’d have as teenagers, staying up too late talking about everything and nothing. He misses those days, back when all they had to worry about were highschool grades and their shitty part time jobs at the ice cream parlor in the mall where they met.

“I had a date with Heidi. Well, I thought it was a date, turns out she only invited me there to dump me.” He contemplates hiding under the comforter again when he sees the expression on Robin’s face morph into sadness, “Please don’t look at me like that. I’m fine, Robs.”

“Sure you are,” she says, but her tone doesn’t match her words. Damn her and that ability she has to see through every last one of his lies. They do this a lot, Steve pretending he’s unaffected by everything even though they both know he’s got a much bigger heart than he lets on, “So where were you until 3am?”

“Some dive bar downtown.”

“Alone?”

“Alone.”

“How did you get home?” There’s concern creeping into her voice now and he hasn’t even gotten to the best, or maybe worst depending on the point of view, part of his story.

“Some random guy from the bar gave me a ride in his van.” He deadpans.

“What?”

“Yeah, we actually stopped at this- I guess you could call it a construction site?” Steve contemplates without a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

“Please tell me you’re joking.” 

“Will it make you feel better if I say I am?”

“Oh my god. How have you even survived this long?” Robin asks, tangling one of her hands in her hair the way she always does when she’s stressed. She’s taking it better than he expected in all honesty. She’s always been a bit of a worrier. 

“Dumb luck mostly.” He shrugs the shoulder he isn’t lying on, “Now that we’ve established that I’m an idiot, can I please go back to sleep?”

“No. You’re going to drink a glass of water, the biggest one we have. Then we’re going out for lunch and I want to know more about van guy.”

“Lunch? What time is it?” It feels early, too early, not time for lunch. Though that could be down to his pounding headache and the fact he didn’t go to sleep until long after 3am.

“12:30.” He feels the mattress shift again, this time when Robin gets up. She grabs his discarded shirt from the floor and it hits him in the face a second later, “Get dressed I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

“I hate you,” He says into his pillow, there’s no venom behind it. He looks up just in time to watch her flipping him off as she leaves. 

Robin is sitting on one of the counter tops when he wanders into the kitchen 10 minutes later despite the perfectly good chairs a few feet to her left. She tosses a bottle of tylenol at him, he catches it and mumbles his thanks as he grabs an empty glass from the side of the sink.

Robin’s socked foot pushes into the soft flesh of his side, “That’s not the big one and you know it.” He sets the glass back down and pulls out another from the cupboard, holding it up so she can see it and awaiting her nod of approval before he fills it.

“My car is still at the bar, so you’ll have to drive,” He explains to her, suddenly very thankful for all those driving lessons he gave her over the years. They can pick his car up later, he doesn’t think he’s in any fit state to be driving right now anyway.

“Alright, you ready to go?” She asks once he’s shaken 2 pills from the bottle and swallowed them with a gulp of water.

“Yeah,” He pats the back pocket of his jeans and frowns when he finds it empty, “let me just grab my wallet.” 

He finds his keys on the table by his bedside where he set them after stumbling in earlier that morning, he was sure he’d dumped his wallet there with them but it’s not there. There’s no sign of it after he’s turned the rest of his room upside down either leaving him scratching his head as he sits amidst the pile of laundry he’s dragged out from the basket under the assumption he must have left it in a pocket somewhere. 

“Have you found it yet?” Robin calls. He’d tasked her with searching the couch in case it had somehow ended up wedged between the cushions, it wouldn’t be the first time.

“No.” He sticks his head out of his room to check up on her progress.

“I’m starving,” She whines, “let's just go. I’ll pay. We can tear the place apart looking for it later.” 

“Just, let me check my room once more then we can go I swear.”

There’s a knock at the front door and Steve’s pretty sure that’s the only reason she doesn’t argue with him.

“Make it quick, Harrington!” She calls and he darts back into his room whilst she goes to deal with whoever is knocking at their door on a Saturday afternoon. They hadn’t been expecting company, at least none that he was aware of.

He abandons his laundry theory and turns instead to rifling through his drawers. It’s got to be in here somewhere. He’s onto the second drawer when he hears Robin’s voice ringing through the apartment.

“Hey, Stevie! I found your wallet.” 

She’s holding the front door open, a smirk on her face as she watches him come barreling out of his room then freeze in his tracks when he sees none other than Eddie standing in the doorway holding up what appears to be Steve’s wallet. 

He’s wearing an outfit similar to the one from the previous night, only this time there’s a leather jacket over his t-shirt and there’s a different yet still unfamiliar logo on the front of it. The only major difference in his appearance is his hair, it’s untied today, falling in loose curls down to his shoulders.

“Figured you might be missing this.” He’s smiling as he holds out the Wallet in Steve’s direction, “Found it under the passenger seat this morning.”

“Thanks, man, I appreciate it.” 

He tucks the wallet into his pocket and thinks that’ll be the end of it, but Eddie lingers, twirling one of his rings around his index finger. Steve doesn’t know him well enough to tell whether it’s a nervous habit or just something he does.

“There’s actually something I wanted to show you,” Eddie says, “if you’re not busy.”

“We were just heading out to get lunch.” Steve explains, jabbing his thumb in the direction of Robin.

“Oh Lunch can wait, I want to see this.”

“What happened to ‘I’m starving, Steve, I’m going to waste away if we don’t get lunch within the next 10 seconds, Steve’.” 

It’s a poor imitation of Robin’s voice, one that has her curling her lip at him in disgust. It makes Eddie chuckle though, a sound Steve finds himself really liking, which is maybe a little concerning given the fact they’ve known each other for less than 24hrs. That’s an issue for future Steve to unpack. 

“Come on, what’re you waiting for?!” She throws both of her hands up in frustration, the keys in her hand jangling with the movement. She’s already halfway down the hallway while Steve and Eddie haven’t moved.

Steve and Robin take her car, a modern, bright yellow vw beetle that she had started saving for since before she even knew how to drive, and Eddie leads the way in his van. 

Hellfire looks pretty much the same as Steve’s slightly fuzzy memory of it. There’s a little sunlight streaming through the cracks in some of the window coverings and a lot more people milling around, but it still looks just as much of a construction site. 

“Eddie? Is that you?” It’s a feminine voice, cheery and light. At first Steve can’t determine where it’s coming from until a head of strawberry blonde hair pops up from behind the bar.

“I brought some visitors,” Eddie says to the mystery woman who is making her way over to them, then turns his attention to Steve and Robin again, “This is Chrissy my…”

“Business partner,” She supplies when he struggles to find the words.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Steve.”

“Robin.”

“Chrissy helps me out with just about everything.” He pulls her into a one armed hug and she pushes him away playfully with a smile. It’s clear they’re close, but Steve can’t quite figure out what the story between them is. He is, however, sure there’s more to it than simple business partners, “She’s pretty much the only reason anything gets done around here.”

“Yes, I am, which is why I need to get back to work,” She shares a glance with Eddie that Steve can’t quite decipher, it’s the same type of silent communication he and Robin have perfected through many many years of friendship, “It was lovely meeting you both,” She says, her face morphing back into something more open and friendly when she addresses Steve and Robin.

Chrissy leaves them, navigating through the mess of covered up furniture and construction equipment with so much ease Steve is sure she could do it blindfolded.

“Ok, it’s just over here,” Eddie explains, returning to their original task and the whole reason they’re here in the first place. 

He leads them to the wall where Steve had left the scrunchie last night, but now there’s something beside it, two tickets pinned to the wall with messy handwriting scrawled next to them.

‘James skipped town 3 days

before this concert

and didn’t bother to tell me.’

“Heidi?” Robin questions, ignoring the tickets entirely and looking at Steve’s message from last night, “Steve, did you do this?”

“Yeah,” Steve waves her off, he’ll catch her up on everything over lunch, “but who left those?” 

“Don’t know.” Eddie shrugs, “Found them when I got here this morning. Could’ve been anyone there’s people in and out of this place all the time, construction worker, delivery guy, who knows.”

“Holy shit,” Steve says, running his fingers over the edge of the tickets.

“Yeah, holy shit,” Robin echoes, “Do you know how long I’ve been trying to get him to lose some of the ex memorabilia?” She asks Eddie, “Seriously, you should see his room, it's like a mausoleum in there. He once kept a gum wrapper, with a wad of chewed up gum in it for over a year.”

“Alright, thank you very much for that Robin, but I think that’s enough.” Steve cuts her off with a stern glare.

“A mausoleum for broken hearts,” Eddie muses.

Robin’s face lights up with an idea at Eddie’s words. She grabs the marker from the table they had passed on the way over here, the same pen Steve and presumably whoever left the tickets had used to scrawl on the wall.

‘The broken hearts gallery, leave your heartbreak here’

“There,” She says, stepping back to admire her work, “It could be like a community project, maybe there’s more hoarders like Steve out there who need a place where they can learn to let go.”

“I am not a hoarder,” Steve protests, indignant at the mere suggestion, “It’s a good idea though, maybe it’ll help people.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Eddie interrupts, waving his hands in front of him as he steps between them, “as much as I’m all for self expression. Maybe a literal construction site isn’t the best place for your little art project?”

“It’s the perfect place,” Robin insists, “I can set up some social media accounts, start spreading the word.”

“We could ask for tips for each donation too,” Steve suggests, “You can put the money back into this place.”

“And Steve can help out with the labor, you guys look busy, an extra pair of hands would be good right?” Steve’s glaring at her again, but she’s unphased, “Oh what? It’s not like you’ve got anything better to do.” 

She’s right, she usually is, it’s annoying.

“It would,” Eddie confirms, taking a moment to consider the offer before he says “alright, deal.”

They agree to meet again on Monday at 8am, Chrissy seems thrilled with the news when Eddie calls her over to let her know about their newest volunteer and they share another one of those silent conversations passed through a series of unreadable expressions. 

Chrissy and Eddie are an unusual pair, it was evident the moment Eddie had introduced her to them, and it continues to be evident now. Chrissy is wearing a pair of light wash jeans and a peach t-shirt with a white ribbon tied into a bow holding up her slicked back ponytail, meanwhile Eddie is all dark denim and leather. They couldn’t look more different if they tried. And for all her caution, Robin seems to have taken to them both rather quickly, so much so that he’s surprised she doesn’t invite them to lunch.

They eat at their usual haunt, a little cafe they frequent so often because Robin insists they sell the best apple pie in the whole city. Steve is just glad to have a good cup of coffee placed down in front of him.

Robin spends most of the time with her nose buried in her phone, occasionally passing it across the table to ask Steve’s approval on whatever social media page she’s setting up now. Should it be the broken heart gallery or the broken hearts gallery? Does he think this picture is better or this one? 

“Sure,” He agrees despite not really knowing what the question was. She frowns at him, wrong answer, “Sorry.” 

“I know I kind of just sprung this on you,” Robin starts, her voice is soft a tone she reserves only for serious conversations, “but we don’t actually have to go through with this whole gallery thing if you’re not into it. I just thought it would be good for you to have something to focus on that isn’t...” She stalls, making a few vague gestures with her hands.

“My failed love life or my non-existent career?” He says and she cracks a smile at his bluntness. 

“Yeah, that.”

“I think it’s a good idea, and you’re right. I can’t just mope around the apartment for the rest of my life.” Oh how he wishes he could. 

“Eddie is kinda hot too.”

“Robin!” He scolds.

“What? I’m gay not blind, Steve.” 

“Alright we are not having this conversation,” Steve decides, hurrying to change the subject. 

It’s not like he hasn’t noticed. Maybe if circumstances were different he’d even consider making a move, but he’s in the midst of yet another failed relationship and the risk of making things awkward with Eddie is too great when the guy is letting them use a space in his property for Robin’s idea free of charge.

She holds up her hands in surrender, “I’m just saying.” 

“Show me those pictures again.” 

She obliges, passing her phone over to show him the two very rough drafts of a logo she has put together. 

“One on the right for sure.” 

“That’s what I thought!” She beams, excitedly taking the phone from him and continuing to tap away at the screen. 

What has he let himself be dragged into?

<Chapter 1 ~ Masterpost ~ Chapter 3>

[stalemateserial]

55

Their schedules were beginning to align closer. They were growing more accustomed to the temporal state of the station, the circadian disruption that was constant sunlight, zero nuance. Judith could hear Ruth coming to bed before she'd fully fallen asleep, and Ruth could still feel the linger of Judy when she woke up. Would it have always been that way, or was it because of their situation? Judith couldn't help but worry. She could have occupied her mind with the experiment, another observation of weightlessness on something they had only ever applied Earth physics to. It didn't matter. They would be replaced, their notes updated by scientists that understood more. Had a better chance. The opportunity to learn from mistakes.

You signed up for this.

Why not focus on the game? The board is opening up now, pieces need to be kept track of. The earlier the development, the better. Judith had always been reserved, thoughtful, the picture of what her society wouldn't disturb her for being. When she was aggressive in chess, she was called decisive, bold. When she was the same way in primary school, she was called to the headmaster's office.

This was supposed to be a place where no one could tell me how to behave.

But even if there were no one else, she'd do that all by herself, wouldn't she? The damage was well and done, after all. She'd develop her bishop early, she decided. Save her pawns.

"Bishop to G2."

"Oh. Oh!" There was going to be more time between moves now, more deliberation. Judith hoped Ruth would have a response when the experiment ended, but she kept thinking. Thirty minutes later, Ruth was looking out at the Earth when she finally announced "Pawn to D5".

"I'm glad you're putting up a fight now."

"It does give me something to think about."

Judith pauses, lets the conversation hang weightless in the air. Maybe mission control would like some notes about that, the effect of weightlessness on awkward silences. She's wracking her brains for something to say, but she can't think of anything. Everything sounds wrong, even now, when there's nothing else to lose.

"Do you think I'll be afraid right up until the end?"

"You're supposed to be afraid."

"I know, but I don't want to be."

"You can't stop being afraid by wanting to be. You have to accept your fear, not let it control your thoughts."

"Let's just talk, it'll help me feel better. Tell me a story about America."

"What kind of story?"

"I don't know, something from when you were a girl."

Ruth leans back, a challenge considering their environment, staring in the direction she'd consider up. "I told you I'm from New York?"

"Yes, and I said I wished I was from the original York instead of Surrey so I could make a little joke."

"Yeah, I remember that now. Well, when I was about nine years old, my younger brother and I took our bikes out from the suburbs to the heart of the city, where you can ride in-between cars since the traffic moves so slow. We'd heard there was an ice cream shop that gave out scoops for a dime on Sundays. We'd made it nearly all the way there when we bumped into this guy. He wasn't huge, but he was still bigger than two kids. We tried to apologize but he gave us this look like he was going to tan our hides into a belt. He starts yelling and screaming, kicking up a fuss, trying to snatch our bikes from us. Just when he's about to get his hands on them, this lady in a suit, had about an inch on the guy in her heels, screams at him that she's got a brick in her purse and she'll bash his head in if he doesn't leave those kids alone."

"My lord, you both must have been frightened."

"Jake and I knew he couldn't really do anything, although I did really like that bike. I was more impressed by the woman, though. She walked us the rest of the way there and sat with us while we ate our ice cream. She said she had a daughter around my age I'd probably get along with who could use some friends. I said I'd be delighted to meet her."

Ruth stopped speaking then, like it was where the story was meant to end. She kept staring up, a soft, easy smile on her face.

"Surely that can't be all there was to the story?"

"I don't have a lot of good stories, Judy. Tell me one tomorrow, and I'll tell a little more."

[devinescribe]

Betrayed

Ch. 22 of 100 Promises

Previous Ch | Next Ch

You ran into Chishiya on your way down.

"Nice punch," he mentioned, high fiving you. You smiled. He had really changed a lot since you first met him.

"Go help Ann and Kuina, they are taking a good approach to this. I... have something to do," he instructed, holding a water gun in his hand. "What? Gonna put the fire out with that?"

"More like start one..."

You stared for a couple of seconds, and nodded. "Alright... stay safe."

-----------

"Suguru! Come on you promised!" You whined, dragging him over to the swings. He tried pulling away from your grip. "No-no, i am not getting on that death trap."

You two were at a carnival, and the swings happened to be your favorite ride. His least favorite.

You thought for a second and smirked. "I'll let you kiss me at the top of the farris wheel~!"

His face turned bright red as he stammered and hid behind his hands. "(Y-y/N) you c-can't say that," he mumbled. "What you don't want to kiss me? You seemed eager to do so la-"

"Ok ok ok fine!"

You smiled, and pet the top of his head.

----------

You ran, heading to the part underneath the beach. It would be easier to travel this way.

You ran around, finally finding Ann.

"Ann!" You yelled, getting her attention.

She turned, quickly taking the defensive. "She's on our side, it's ok," Kuina said. You nodded.

"What do you need from me?"

___________

Numb

That's all you felt. You weren't happy. You weren't sad. You were nothing.

Chishiya dragged you two along with him, eventually coming up on a screen room.

"We meet again," he said with a smirk. "You?"

"(Y/N), you're ok!" Usagi exclaimed, hugging you.

Ok?

Physically, you guessed you were fine. Minor burns along your arms and legs.

Alive? Physically your body was alive. The blood ran hot through your veins, your heart beat to a foreign beat you didn’t know.

Ok?

Mentally no, you just wanted to sit in a hole and cry for hours. You wanted to be left alone, you wanted to be held, actually you didnt know what you wanted.

You wanted to hate him.

And you did.

But a small piece of you faught.

The screaming teenager inside your head.

"He's dead! He's dead and its all your fault! We said we'd protect him! You hurt him you hurt him you liar! You're a liar!"

Oh how she cried, tearing up the walls of your brain. But you wished for nothing more than to forget.

Alive? You mind was bordering death.

"Yeah. I guess I am," you responded with a small laugh.

Light filled up the room as all the screens turned on. On them was Mira.

"I told you hot bitches that don't talk can't be trusted," you said to Kuina. She scoffed, and handed you a piece of candy in her pocket. "Ah thank you very much."

"Next stage?"

Well, this would be harder than you thought.

_______

"I don't care just... take me somewhere," he muttered, as you smiled widely.

"Anywhere?"

"Yeah yeah, anywhere let's go before I change my mind."

You two walked throughout the city as you dragged him along. You knew exactly where you wanted to take him. You walked in the shop doors, greeting the people working there.

"Ah, she's back! Oh... hun it seems you brought a stray dog with you," one of them giggled. "Stray- oh! This is Niragi, my best friend. Y'know the one I'm always talking about?" You introduced, shoving him forward. "Oh. Alright then what can I do for you today?"

"What i mentioned last time. But for both," you said, using the cryptic language for him to not back out.

"Ohhh... he scared of needles?"

"Uh... yo, 'Ragi, you scared of needles?"

"No, what kind of a dumbass wuestion is that?"

"Ok, got it."

She dragged you both over to some chairs, where Niragi decided to finally look up and see where you were.

"(N/N), why are we here?"

"You said anywhere!"

"Oh my gods..."

"Hey, if you back out of this I'll cry."

And about 30 minutes later, you were both out of there with a slight sting in your mouth.

"This fucking hurts," he whined. "Good. Remember what she said. No, kissing is not a good idea, no eating your hook up out is not a good idea, and on top of that not cleaning it until it heals is also... not a good idea."

"Yeah yeah whatever..."

_________

Tears welled up in your eyes. Why did you choose to remember the memories now?

The group of you all walked in the city, the giant blimps floating around.

"Yeesh... crazy bitch," you mumbled, wiping the tears away. "Yeah..."

Suddenly people started running towards you guys, frantically screaming.

"What's going on?!"

"King of spades! Run!"

You watched people duck behind cars and gets shot. While everyone else was running, you and Chishiya observed, occasionally dodging some.

"Well fuck me," you muttered. Then the bullets came spraying toward you making you yelp, and run. You zig zagged your way to a car, making it harder to catch you.

You hid and saw Chishiya jogging with his hands in his pockets.

"For fucks sake," you muttered, running back to him. You grabbed him arm and dragged him. "Fucking run dumbass. Bitch ass motherfucker, you aren't a goddamn cat, you don't have nine lives you're just as mortal as the rest of us," you lectured while dragging him and running behind a car.

You heard him huff next to you. "Have I ever mentioned... how much I hate spades?" He said with a small laugh. You smiled. "I don't think so. But I do- jesus fucking christ," you started, getting scared by Kuina getting behind the car with you guys.

Chishiya pulled sometjing out of his pocket handing it to her. "A... bomb?"

"For if you're ever in a pinch," he responded, as if it was totally normal to give your friends bombs.

------------

"Shit. That's not good, go!"

Chishiya grabbed your hand, pushing you away. You heard Kuina scream for you guys as you ducked behind a car, hearing an explosion.

"Oh my god. Whats the plan now?" You asked. You were really tired of the world punishing you like this. "We are going to be very careful, and leave. The Jack of Hearts isn't difficult, and hearts are your specialty," he said, pointing at the ballon. "Yeah... I guess. It's also the farthest. Since the King of Spades went that way following after them, i think we are in the clear. His ballon follows after him so lets go," you agreed.

You two began your trek through thd abandoned city and tried not stepping on corpses.

"This is really erie. I know that I was happy to be here at first, but now? God I wish I was dead," you mumbled. Chishiya grabbed your arm, pulling you away from the edge of the road. You scoffed, "What am I going to do? Get run over by the still cars?"

He laughed. "Yeah. You're kind of a klutz. I wouldn't put it past you," he said with a smile. You liked spending time with him.

"How are you doing?"

"What?"

"I asked, how are you doing?"

Silence.

"It's ok to miss him you know... You don't go from loving and trusting someone for years of you life to hating them overnight. I know you think you have to, but you don't. You're allowed to mourn the loss of your best friend. You're allowed to be sad and cry."

Tears welled up in your eyes.

"It's not ok. He's a horrible person. He tried to do horrible things. And I'm happy he's d-... I'm happy hes dead," you said, hearing your voice crack. His arms wrapped around you, shocking you. "It wasn't your fault. It's ok," he whispered. You broke down in his arms.

You hated that you felt bad for him. You hated you missed him.

-------------

"Chishiya, forget Niragi, look at those two," you whispered, subtlety pointing at two of the guys in the game. "You know one of them is a murderer right?"

"I am too at this point, so fuck it."

He sighed, nodding.

You looked up at the screen with everyone's name and picture.

Banda Sunato

Matsushita Enji

"Hm... I know who the first one is. The second one sounds really really familiar," you mumbled.

The game had started, and you watched everyone go to groups.

-------------

It was the second round and you heard someone call out to you.

"(L/N)?"

You turned around, expecting Chishiya.

It was Matsushita.

"I'm sure you don't remember me-"

Then it hit you who this was.

"Nononono, i remember, you were in my psych classes! We graduated together!" You exclaimed.

"So, you do remember."

This would be fun.

[kitkatt0430]

Okay, so time has come for me to watch Mask of the Red Death part 2 - here's hoping this goes better than the last episode.

Stream turned white as soon as I went full screen. I feel like this is an omen. Anyway, let's restart and try again.

So far so good, I can now see the previously on. So full of plots I don't care about compared to so few the ones I do.

Okay, so I guess we're starting with the CCPD, but it's hard to care about the CCPD with David and Joe gone. I can never remember any of the officers though I recognize at least a few background recurring characters and Kramer just hasn't really grown on me all that much. That said, I'm glad someone remembered that Kramer has powers because hey, she uses copying Roy's powers to pretty good effect, even though doesn't work for long.

Allegra arguing with Hartley, Jaco, and Keith (Goldface, I just got tired of using his nickname all the time) over leaving Blaine behind feels hollow because odds are Blaine isn't dead anyway. Like I said last time, no body? Probably not dead.

Everyone's tired and scared, Barry's been nerfed, but at least Iris has her head on straight. Keith speaks for me when he says "I always liked you" to her. :D

Iris is definitely the brains of the operation. That said, if all the power was basically out, how did they get the tech working to interface with Cecile's powers. That was a big problem last episode and no one ever fixed it. Maybe something hit the cutting room floor that shouldn't have?

Cecile feels that someone is out there in lots of pain and oh apparently Blaine's still alive. Surprise. Anyway, he's clearly been tortured and I do get why Barry wants to rescue him. If there is one thing Barry has that is stronger than his speed, it's his guilt complex.

Khione - Well fine if you won't save Blaine, I will.

Hartley - I cannot let my new friend-shaped person go into danger without me.

*snicker* I mean, that's basically how fast Hartley caves and he goes from angry/annoyed voice to his softer voice. Finally, Hartley and Khione friendship showing up again.

I mean... maybe there's some guilt about Caitlin mixed in there, but Hartley never liked Caitlin in this timeline. Respected her, clearly yes since he went directly to where he thought she'd be for help a few episodes earlier, but doubtful they ever got along well. And now she's gone, so they'll never have that chance. But I do think he's just genuinely fond of Khione for herself.

Jaco folds next. And then Keith, but he's not happy about it.

Kramer - You won't be able to hack our satellite. 'Cause ARGUS upgraded it.

First... since when does the CCPD have it's own satellite????

Second, ARGUS' firewall crumples like tissue paper. There is a joke there about Cisco's inability to secure shit.

third... where the heck did all the Red Death suits come from? Did they spawn like rabbits between episodes???

Barry is right to tell Khione 'no' when they're going into danger and she has zero combat skills.

Since when has Allegra had x-ray vision. Was this something she gained when I wasn't watching last season? Or at least had foreshadowed??? (Probably not on both counts.)

Oooh, Hartley's enhanced hearing comes up again.

Jaco - Feels like a trap to me. Feel like a trap to anyone else?

He is immediately correct. Red Death arrives to monologue!

Okay, so the suits are psychic manifestations apparently? How does Barry even know that? But then how does Ryan know about the vision of Savitar stabbing Barry that almost killed him two seasons ago???

Oh, hey, Grodd is here. And apparently he's connected to evil Ryan now? And the Gorilla City gorillas are gone now, so lets feed that guilt complex of Barry's huh?

And then the band with the Rogues breaks up. Can't blame 'em, but I know they'll be back later.

Iris and Khione talking is lovely. Iris gives Khione some good advice. I just wish we'd gotten these interactions with Caitlin instead.

Was Khione kissing Blaine to activate her healing powers on him (or whatever that was) necessary? I swear if we get Khione/Mark Blaine as an end game ship I will be so fucking pissed off.

Time for a Joe West pep talk for Barry. Or for Barry to pep talk Joe? I do love their father-son relationship. But I knew that Joe wouldn't be a series regular anymore this season, so I suspect this is him bowing out. Or the start of it anyway.

I do love how much use Nash's teleporter is getting in these two episodes. I miss the Wells characters, but it does feel a little like Nash is still there helping them. Just a bit.

Grodd blaming Barry for being alone isn't really fair - Barry isn't at fault for that and it's not like Grodd ever let Barry know what he'd discovered about the Gorilla City gorillas. And I think on some level he knows that and that, more than Barry's speech, is what sways Grodd. He can look into Red Death's mind. But he can look into Barry's too.

Red Death's episode long break down continues. And somehow Barry got his speed back from Grodd? Whatever.

More speedster running/chase scene/fighting. It is pretty fun the way it's done, though. And the Rogues showed back up to help Barry, as I predicted. :D

So does real Ryan! Woo, so good to finally see her. And she nullifies evil Ryan's speed for a Batwoman vs Red Death fight.

Jaco - We'll help out anytime.

Hartley - Ehhh...

Jaco - Anytime.

Hartley - Okay, why not.

I... don't know that I liked the cheesy fourth wall breaking joke the Rogues ended on though.

Chester fanboying over real Ryan is hilarious. And I like how Ryan and Iris low key fangirling over each other was cute too.

So where was real Ryan all this time? I... don't think anyone ever said.

There is so much unexplained in this episode.

Joe leaving to raise Jenna is the right call, but I hate that he's apparently semi leaving Cecile to do it? He's done the single parent raising a daughter before. He deserves to raise Jenna with her mom too. Not just on the weekends. And how do they afford any of this anyway? Joe is retired, so what is their income even looking like?

So much unexplained.

Oh no. Oooooh no. Chester/Allegra is happening. Make it stop. They still have no chemistry. At least Barry is still his usual oblivious self about it.

I... do not like how they find out Iris is pregnant. I mean, it is a bit funny that Khione didn't realize they didn't know yet when she blurted it out, but still. Iris deserves better than the writers are giving her once again.

Anyway, that's it for the episode. It was better paced then the last one and I enjoyed it more, but there were a lot of plot holes in there. So many plot holes. I can't say I really like how the Red Death arc ended.

But Hartley, Jaco, and Keith were fun and it seems like they'll show up again later in the season? Here's hoping anyway.

I feel like a number of things in this episode would have gone better with foreshadowing. Grodd's involvement, Allegra's x-ray vision, the Red Death clones (psychic whatevers)... And other things just needed an actual damn explanation. Especially real Ryan showing up out of nowhere at the last minute. Where was she? In the timeline that Red Death came from? Took a wrong turn in Albuquerque? Where was she this whole time??? We know she was missing, so what the hell?

I think the biggest problem is they were trying to do too much at once in these two episodes and thanks to how poorly paced part one was, they squashed too much into part two.

Anyway, teaser for the next ep shows discussions about the pregnancy happening early - so there's probably concern that the baby she's pregnant with won't be Nora? And then Khione training her powers, which seem to be healing but cold? I'd be more interested if the person training her wasn't Blaine.

His first intention after Khione was born was to kill and replace her with Frost. So Blaine helping Khione figure out her powers is not what I'd call a great idea. And it looks like we may be heading into Khione/Blaine territory, which... him using Khione as a replacement goldfish for Frost, even hypothetically, creeps me the fuck out.

So I might not watch the next episode. Or i might just skim it/skip around looking for good parts. I dunno.