#i should preface all my doctor who posts with

[warlordfelwinter]

my favorite half remembered possibly non canonical but i dont actually care doctor facts are:

- beat a kid to perma-death with a brick at school for trying to kill his bf and his government employee brother covered it up

- made said bf with chronic drums in the brain disease play the drums in their college jam band and either koschei was very talented or all their songs had the same bpm

[goldyke]

LAP Bands should be illegal

This post is going to deal with medical fatphobia, weight loss surgery, coercion, emetophobia, food issues, disordered eating, and just all around bad shit. But it’s important.

Shortly after I reached adulthood, I was coerced into weight loss surgery. I weighed about 250 pounds and was considered morbidly obese.

The Lap Band is a disgrace to the medical profession and is just another example of how the medical profession does not care about the lives of fat people.

To preface this: the surgery works. I lost 70 pounds and people treated me differently and I hated them all for it.

The Lap Band made my life miserable. When it was filled, I could not eat until noon without getting stuck. Even then, getting stuck was always a risk. There was a strict diet to follow and you were supposed to be safe from that if you followed it. On top of that, there were rules for how you ate. One standard I saw was not to eat in bites larger than your fingernail. Can you see yourself doing that for a week, let alone years and years?

Getting stuck is a horror you can't imagine. The food lodges in the top of your stomach, blocking off your system. You continue to produce saliva and swallow it down. Slowly, the mucous in your saliva builds up. It feels like you're drowning. Eventually, you have to essentially throw it all up. A disgusting experience (and a mortifying one if you're in public.) The saliva is thick and ropy. This experience is often called "sliming" on the forums.

I became frightened of eating in public. In a way, I became frightened of food altogether. I knew something had to give the day I reacted to someone biting a hamburger in a tv show the way a regular person would react to a killer jumping out in a horror movie. I developed the disgusting and unhealthy habit of chewing and spitting out food. I completely lost my enjoyment of many foods I had previously enjoyed because of how problematic they were (I can no longer enjoy a chicken thigh for example.) I stopped eating meals and began grazing. I developed eating habits worse than the ones that "made me fat"

After 3 years, I had the band emptied of fluid, which significantly decreased, but did not stop, these problems. I regained the weight, and found it didn't bother me. (Along the way I discovered that my discomfort with my body had never been weight related)

I had my band removed after 6.5 years earlier this year. I am in a support group on facebook for victims of this malpractice. There are 5.6 thousand members, each with their own horror stories. Some of them cannot get the band removed because insurance will not cover the procedure, though they happily covered the band's placement. Some have tried to go through with removal but have had surgeons try to coerce them into getting a different weight-loss surgery instead of just removing it. Many have long-term damage from the band eroding the walls of their stomach or esophagus, or from the band adhering to multiple organs. Many of them had the band for 12-14 years, before removal because none of our doctors told us it needs to be removed within 10.

Many practices no longer perform Lap Band surgery and now believe it is unethical. The surgeon who removed my band still performs this surgery regularly.

A study performed in 2011 with 151 lap band patients, found that 22% of patients experienced minor complications and 39% experienced major complications. The person who coerced me into surgery actually experienced major complications and needed an emergency removal.

I experienced no serious complications. Everything I described above is considered normal. And It still drastically lowered my quality of life.

I don't know why I'm sharing this or who I'm sharing it for, but here I am. If you know anyone considering the lap band surgery, don't let them go through with it without knowing the truth. And please be kinder to your body than the medical profession wants you to be.

[livelaughpeg]

I'm writing this from a throwaway account, because you know...Scientology.

I want to preface this post by saying I am not one of those "I knew it all along!" people. I can't stand that attitude. I was pretty ambivelant towards Neil Gaiman. Prior to the allegations, I didn't hate him but I wasn't that interested in him as a person either. I don't think you can always tell when someone is a bad or good person simply by the topics they write about. If that was the case we'd be arresting every horror writer on earth.

But one thing that did always rub me up the wrong way was the way he talked about getting work.

I borrowed and read "Make Good Art" (a small book based on a speech he gave to graduates at the University of the Arts) at a time in my life that I was really struggling to get by (I still am to some extent, but in a different way). I expected to see some practical advice. Instead it was a bunch of glib shit like:

I got out into the world, I wrote, and I became a better writer the more I wrote, and I wrote some more, and nobody ever seemed to mind that I was making it up as I went along, they just read what I wrote and they paid for it, or they didn’t, and often they commissioned me to write something else for them. Looking back, I’ve had a remarkable ride. I’m not sure I can call it a career, because a career implies that I had some kind of career plan, and I never did. The nearest thing I had was a list I made when I was 15 of everything I wanted to do: to write an adult novel, a children’s book, a comic, a movie, record an audiobook, write an episode of Doctor Who… and so on. I didn’t have a career. I just did the next thing on the list.

Life is sometimes hard. Things go wrong, in life and in love and in business and in friendship and in health and in all the other ways that life can go wrong. And when things get tough, this is what you should do. Make good art. I’m serious. Husband runs off with a politician? Make good art. Leg crushed and then eaten by mutated boa constrictor? Make good art. IRS on your trail? Make good art. Cat exploded? Make good art. Somebody on the Internet thinks what you do is stupid or evil or it’s all been done before? Make good art. Probably things will work out somehow, and eventually time will take the sting away, but that doesn’t matter. Do what only you do best. Make good art.

Yeah, well, no shit. If you're a writer or artist you probably do anyway. Whether you get paid for it or not, whether you draw fan art or original art. But the point of Gaiman's speech was to give advice to people who wanted to be paid for their art. To make a career of it. Making art every day isn't always enough. You have to pay the damn rent, you have to eat, you have to network and do social media and promote yourself, and you have to do it while thousands of other people are doing the same thing in a massive crowd of people who want the same thing. Practical advice is much more valuable than platitudes and theory.

I am not a writer, I'm an illustrator, and let me tell you that for most people, 'getting your foot in the door' isn't a one time thing. Quite often you have to work at getting your foot in the door again and again until you become established, and it's very easy to be forgotten. I still feel like I'm in that stage now.

I watched my peers, and my friends, and the ones who were older than me and watch how miserable some of them were: I’d listen to them telling me that they couldn’t envisage a world where they did what they had always wanted to do any more, because now they had to earn a certain amount every month just to keep where they were. They couldn’t go and do the things that mattered, and that they had really wanted to do; and that seemed as a big a tragedy as any problem of failure.

The implication was that he was successful because he wrote every day and his friends weren't because they didn't, because you know, working a second job is tiring. He called this a tragedy, but there was something very glib about the way he narrated this.

I think someone had more financial cushion that he was letting on.

And yes, sometimes it does work that way, (some people are very lucky and make all the right connections) but Gaiman was getting Big Jobs right off the bat and something about that never smelt right to me after the way he talked about it.

And then I saw Jeff's tweets. Oh, that's why...

I suspect the truth is he was living off his family's money and connections, and while I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with that if you're a struggling artist, his family are Scientologists, and I don't think he ever struggled.

I suspect it's all a lie.

[eightdoctor]

my eda recs :) for anyone interested in getting into this series

i am prefacing this post with the note that i am an avid completionist and generally dislike telling people to skip certain books unless it's a john peel novel or placebo effect. however i understand telling people to read 74 novels is not at all accessible and i need you all to read. these books. please. please

this post is going to be long as shit i know it so i'm putting it ↓ here. books that can be skipped because theyre a bit shit will be colored red, ones that you Can Skip but are good/have some important character or plot bits in will be orange, and ones that are sooo good and necessary and the best books ever will be green. unfortunately i think a lot of the ones colored orange should be colored green but i know restraint. i can stay my hand. kind of

also i should say that i primarily read these for the characters - the plots themselves come second. so lots of my opinions come from the standpoint of which books have good characterizations. basically some of the ones that i color green would probably be skippable if any normal person were reading them but i'm insane!! and this is my list so fuck you!!!

The Eight Doctors by Terrance Dicks: ah my color trichotomy has bitten me in the ass on the first book. because truth be told i still haven't finished this one (nor have i really felt the need to yet), yet it introduces the first companion in the series, sam jones, and contains some other entertaining parts like the doctor getting caught with cocaine. as far as introductory books go it's meh

Vampire Science by Kate Orman and Jonathan Blum: this book. i truly can't sing my praises any louder than i already have. orman & blum took the character of the eighth doctor as portrayed by paul mcgann in a few measly minutes of screen time into a fully fleshed out, compelling and complex character. if you're a fan of the eighth doctor but aren't interested in reading all of the EDAs you have to read this one at the Very Least. it begins, as all good stories do, in a gay bar. it features vampire squirrels, the doctor with kittens, and the doctor infodumping on the beauty of science in a speech? conversation? that still touches me to this day, four years after i first read it.

The Bodysnatchers by Mark Morris: this book is Gross, and i mean that positively. mark morris held nothing back when describing how disgusting and putrid london was in the 1800s (he's primarily a horror writer, and that comes through rather clearly in this book). i genuinely enjoyed this novel a lot, but i know it's not for everyone because again, it's quite gory and disgusting

Genocide by Paul Leonard: don't you just want to see the doctor in a sun hat? being tortured for weeks on end? don't you want to examine his morality in termsof what species he thinks needs to be saved or doomed? jo grant is there

War of the Daleks by John Peel: fuck john peel all my homies hate john peel. for some reason all his books in this range contain daleks and it’s like…why. get some creativity. everyone else did. bitch

Alien Bodies by Lawrence Miles: this novel is So Good. it introduces faction paradox, the war in heaven plotline, humanoid tardises, and a couple of the most interesting & fun side characters in the whole range (homunculette and marieeee <3 cousin justineeee… aaaaaaahh). I shan’t spoil the entire conceit of the story but just know it’s. insane and fucked up and so so funny

Kursaal by Peter Anghelides: this is just a solid doctor who story, really. i wouldn’t call it imperative to the overarching plot of the novels (as tenuous as it is early on), but it’s an enjoyable enough read. it’s about an ancient race of alien werewolves underneath a theme park. what more can i say

Option Lock by Justin Richards: i recall enjoying the doctor and sam’s characterization in this one, and the story is like doctor strangelove meets, well, doctor who. it’s skippable, but i had fun reading it, and that’s really all you can ask for

Longest Day by Michael Collier: this is the start of the arc where sam gets separated from the doctor. actually the most tense and stressed i’ve been reading the edas was reading this and the next three books. it’s so dire, but it’s so so good, with incredible character moments from sam and the doctor. plus you have anstaar, nashaad with his metal legs, and some really fucked up body horror involving Time messing with people’s existences and driving ppl mad and stuff. people tend to either love this one or hate it from what i’ve seen, and i’m solidly in the former category. would definitely recommend 

Legacy of the Daleks by John Peel: ughhhhhhhh… ughhhhjhhhhhh i guess you have to read this one. i guess you have to. it’s definitely an improvement on his last book but still. daleks again john? really? whateverrrrr.. some important stuff happens to susan is in this one though. and the master as well. so if you care about either of those characters you should read this i suppose

Dreamstone Moon by Paul Leonard: a general rule of the edas is paul leonard always writes excellent books (in my opinion, anyway), and this is not the exception. sam and the doctor are still separated, but they’re in the same place and keep missing each other and its like UGGHHHH!!! UGHHH!!! but you have interesting commentary on capitalism’s exploitation and effective revolutionary action and all that stuff. also aloisse is an incredible character and i love her

Seeing I by Kate Orman and Jonathan Blum: HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOD LIRD!!!!!!!!!!! kate and jon do it again, those crazy bastards. you know how every author loves torturing the shit out of eight? these guys take that and run with it in the opposite direction, asking the question what if the worst thing the doctor could go through isn’t agonizing torture, but rather just a lack of enrichment in his enclosure? what if he had to stay locked up in one building for three years and couldn’t escape for the life of him? meanwhile sam, now a refugee with no social support (as she technically shouldn’t exist in this time and location), has to deal with homelessness, and has to decide whether it’s better to have a stable, yet soulless corporate job - or do something that’s meaningful and benefits society. she’s at her best in this book for sure

Placebo Effect by Gary Russell: throws up. don’t read this because it is actually rhe worst book in the whole range and i’m not joking. sorry gary you’re a nice guy but i thought the arguments against evolution that went on for like 3 pages were extremely egregious and also plain wrong. you may look at this book and think “oh cool! Stacy and ssard from the comics are in this one!” well they’re there for like a paragraph and don’t do shit. so

Vanderdeken's Children by Christopher Bulis: really fun novel that’s pretty much the epitome of the classic doctor who question “wouldn’t that be really fucked up and crazy?” it also established the fact that the doctor told sam his real name which is really fun and awesome

The Scarlet Empress by Paul Magrs: much like paul leonard, paul magrs Never disappoints. this book is just so fucking fun. in essence, it’s a road trip story. they drive across a planet listening to abba and visiting lots of kooky places and picking up lots of wacky characters. it also deconstructs gender and self-identity and what it means to be an individual. a cyborg and a giant spider get lesbian married. aewsome 👍

The Janus Conjunction by Trevor Baxendale: i really debated on making this one skippable, i did. because while it doesn’t continue any of the established plots or themes or whatever, it does show the doctor breaking the laws of time to save his companion’s life, and that’s really cool we love that. there’s a lot of fun body horror too if you go for that sort of thing. and more giant spiders but these ones are different 

Beltempest by Jim Mortimore: ok honestly? i didn’t vibe with this one. i know some people really liked it but i felt as if the characterization was Off. some wacky wild stuff happens to sam though

The Face-Eater by Simon Messingham: <-doesn’t remember much of this one cuz i was high while reading it. i think it was a solid story though? 

The Taint by Michael Collier: yayyyyyyyy fitz is hereeeee my babyboy… lots of people don’t vibe with this one but i do. because i love fitz and everything he’s in and him and the doctor are such bastards to each other in the beginning it’s great. their repartee is genuinely so entertaining and really elevates the book for me, even if the plot itself is a bit mediocre. either way even if you don’t like it you have to read it because it introduces fitz. so there

Demontage by Justin Richards: telling you to skip this one would be a disservice. because technically it Is skippable, but it has some absolutely hilarious moments that really drive home the fact that fitz is Cringe. they’re on a space casino called vega in the far future and fitz dresses in a (from everyone else's perspective) old-fashioned tuxedo. he smokes indoors and everyone gives him nasty looks because he’s in the future and no one smokes inside. he asks for his cocktails shaken not stirred and the bartender fucking hates him. and he also accidentally gets involved in an assassination plot. but i suppose if you must skip it then go ahead… 

Revolution Man by Paul Leonard: mr leonard does it again. this is an excellent novel for both companions that begins with sam and the doctor engaging in leftist discourse with an anarchist and ends with the world almost ending. it happens.

Dominion by Nick Walters: you have to read this one just for the doctor’s first gay kiss. sorry i don’t make the rules. also it  just features a neat concept imo and has a great moment where the doctor punches a pillow in frustration and then sadly apologizes to it

Unnatural History by Kate Orman and Jonathan Blum: this book is one that i think every doctor who fan who’s ever gotten mad about canon not making sense should be forced at gunpoint to read. it’s a novel that’s essentially one big metacommentary on doctor who canon & why it Doesn’t Matter At All, Actually; the doctor was birthed and he was loomed and both are equally true and untrue. also features the iconic paragraph calling the doctor a (verbatim) “backrub slut”, as well as wrapping up the ongoing arc with sam jones hinted at in alien bodies and a few other books in a way that’ll have you side eyeing moffat very suspiciously

Autumn Mist by David A. McIntee: this one’s pretty good and has a couple great moments (fitz calling himself james bond, for one), but is, i think, ultimately skippable unless youre a world war 2 buff

Interference Books 1 & 2 by Lawrence Miles: nothing i can say will adequately put into words what these two novels made me feel, you hear me? absolutely nothing. good fucking god. jesus christ. holy fuck.. if i sat here listsing all the important and iconic moments in these books we’d be here all shitting day and this post is already obscenely long. read these 2 books. then read them again. 

The Blue Angel by Paul Magrs: ok i know i just said this but HOOOOOO..WHOA NELLY! the blue angel is easily in my top 5 edas. it literally heavily features a canon domestic au wherein the doctor is a “middle-aged gay man”. fitz says he wants to get laid by the doctor. the doctor’s mother is a mermaid. there’s off-brand spirk. someone turns into a giant squid. literally this book is so good they wrote a screenplay adaptation of it and a spinoff short story that you should also read

The Taking of Planet 5 by Simon Bucher-Jones and Mark Clapham: you’re going to be hearing this a lot from me but we Are entering the part of the series where it really takes off and gets sooo fucking good. anyway this novel is sooo fucking good and quite important to the plot and establishes stuff about the war in heaven and gallifrey so. read it. also there's ELDRITCH BEASTS!

Frontier Worlds by Peter Anghelides: i can’t tell you to skip this one because it’s so good. fitz goes by the alias frank sinatra & also talks like him for a solid portion of the book. we get excellent compassion moments. great doctor moments (including that Hot and Sexy dream he has about the tardis!) and all in all it’s a wonderful story

Parallel 59 by Stephen Cole and Natalie Dallaire: lots of stuff happens in this one, especially to fitz. by that i mean it gets referenced quite a bit later so i would recommend if you want to catch all the references. also a woman worked on this one so you already know eight is going to be written phenomenally and very sensually. 

The Shadows of Avalon by Paul Cornell: rather important development happens to compassion in this book (understatement). but it’s also a really good story in general with lots of memorable bits - paul cornell wrote one EDA and did a great job and then vanished from the range. it also has the BRIGADIER and his ROMANCE with MAB the BIG BOSOMED CELTIC QUEEN so like.. read it?? 

The Fall of Yquatine by Nick Walters: a pretty important thing happens to compassion in this one too (another understatement). also withnail & i references galore, fitz has a bad time (has he had a Good time for the past few books? questionable!), and the doctor spends time with a gay baker/contraband parts dealer

Coldheart by Trevor Baxendale: you could skip this one but why would you even want to? it’s literally one of compassion’s best stories and has plenty of excellent doctor and companion moments. it’s just fun and engaging and an outstanding doctor who story. and, as always, fitz is effortlessly cringe as ever <3

The Space Age by Steve Lyons: this one’s just boring and kinda stupid. nothing big or important happens and you can tell steve lyons didn’t care for writing compassion at all. skip it

The Banquo Legacy by Andy Lane and Justin Richards: Big Plot Developments in this one - mostly in the beginning and end. also the only (?) mention of irving braxiatel in the whole run! it’s written from the POV of two Normal people not on the tardis so it’s interesting to see how they perceive the doctor and fitz, and how this contradicts the way they define themselves in other books where we’re privy to their internal monologue 

The Ancestor Cell by Peter Anghelides and Stephen Cole: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHH AAAAGHHHH AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU HFHOA8U8OIA AOUIY4P98 YT39 7UGHYIB3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this one drives me insane and there are parts of it i reread nearly every day. because i’m CRAZY. it’s a controversial novel in the doctor who fandom because of how it handles gallifrey and faction paradox lore but WHO FUCKING CARES? FATHER KREINER IS BACK BABY

The Burning by Justin Richards: this is the start of the Earth Arc, so it’s the first portrayal of the doctor stuck on earth without any of his memories. it’s a bit slow at the beginning, and as a normal doctor who story i would consider it subpar, but the characterization of the doctor really carries it i think. you see how losing his memory impacted his restraint with things such as hypnosis and Other Stuff I Shan’t Spoil

Casualties of War by Steve Emmerson: this has the first appearance of the Note, so it’s especially important for that reason. but it’s also just a neat story that has way more elements of a fantasy than a sci fi and again, seeing how the doctor acts now, stuck on earth without his memories, and juxtaposing that with how he acted before, super fun and neat

The Turing Test by Paul Leonard: if i could graft this book onto my DNA i would. i already KNEW the circumstances surrounding alan turing’s death and yet i still cried about it while reading this!! paul leonard’s portrayal of turing as both a gay and autistic man (though the latter is never explicitly stated) is INCREDIBLE and i really can’t recommend it enough just based on that. but the story itself is amazing and really delves into the doctor’s Differences and his desperation to leave earth after being stuck there for decades. 

Endgame by Terrance Dicks: people really like this one and i guess i had fun with it but i just can’t really get into terrence dicks’ writing style. that being said it features the doctor listless and just so sad and depressed so you kind of have to read it. if that’s not reason enough there’s a fat gay alcoholic spy who absolutely rocks

Father Time by Lance Parkin: i hate that this is green. i hate it. i hate this fucking book. i hate lance parkin also. but this is where miranda (the doctor’s adopted daughter) is introduced so alas, you must read it and imagine a version of this book thats infinitely better in your head. sorry! 

Escape Velocity by Colin Brake: this one’s mid but it’s the end of the earth arc and fitz and the doctor reunite and ANJI KAPOOR IS HERE!!!!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!! so if you read this and get a lil bored just know it’s about to get so fucking good you guys

EarthWorld by Jacqueline Rayner: genuinely can’t say enough good things about this one. it’s funny. it’s angsty. it’s all in all just a really fun book. and it’s the shortest one i think so like you have no excuse to not read it

Fear Itself by Nick Wallace: this is technically a PDA because it was written after nine was announced, thereby making 8 technically a “past doctor”, but who give a shit. read this one are yoyu kidding me. read it read it read it read it READ IT. there’s a twist in it that rendered me absolutely catatonic for about a week 

Vanishing Point by Stephen Cole: don’t skip this one even though it’s orange. are you listening to me? don’t fucking skip it ok!!! steve cole is the #1 fitz/eight shipper and this really shines through here. also maybe i’m just easily entertained by reasonably accurate science in my doctor who books but i liked all the genetics references

Eater of Wasps by Trevor Baxendale: trevor you sly dog you did it again. you mad bastard. not only is the storyline in this one soo gripping and also Quite horrifying but the characterization?? hoooooo boy. this is the book where “you really love him, don’t you?” “well, i like to think we’re just good friends.” comes from and so even if it was dogshit you’d have to read it just for that like cmon

The Year of Intelligent Tigers by Kate Orman: holy. fucking. shit. good grief. the doctor has a boyfriend and they go on picnics and drink chocolate martinis together. the doctor becomes a catboy for a few months. this story takes place on a colony world whose culture is predominantly centered around music, so you have the doctor playing his violin (hot). you have scientifically accurate zoology/xenobiology. you have a Mysterious lost civilization. most importantly you have fitz’s song he wrote for the doctor

The Slow Empire by Dave Stone: this one’s just FUNNY okay. dave stone has such a characteristic way of writing prose it’s just kind of a joy to read. if you get the hard copy all of the bits from a side character’s pov is written in comic sans. while some of the characterization is a bit meh and anji didn’t Really live up to her full potential in a couple scenes i’d still recommend it. there’s footnotes

Dark Progeny by Steve Emmerson: this is another one i colored orange even though i whole-heartedly recommend it.. it’s a commentary on corporate apathy and greed and how it destroys entire planets and just a really engaging story besides. not to mention we get a “fitz fitz fitz fitz fitz!” bit from 8 <3

The City of the Dead by Lloyd Rose: i can’t even talk about this oine lest i lose my mind… not joking when i say lloyd rose writes some of the best and juiciest angst in the whole series like some of the scenes in there made me feel like i was being helplessly entrapped in flowing grain for a month

Grimm Reality by Simon Bucher-Jones and Kelly Hale: i really do sound like a broken record at this point but this is another one of those books i could never say enough positive things about. there are two novels in this series that genre-hop and this is one of them. the tardis lands on a world where everything runs on logic straight out of the brother’s grimm (hence the title). there’s magic cloaks and evil stepsisters and giants, and the doctor, fitz, and anji all have their own separate adventures so it’s super interesting to see how each character deals with being in a fairytale. not only that but there are parts of the book written in the style of those old fairytales and i really do get a good kick out of  gimmicky stuff like that 

The Adventuress of Henrietta Street by Lawrence Miles: buckle the fuck up everyone and get out your highlighters and sticky notes because this one is so fucking dense you’ll have no choice but to annotate and take notes, sorry! it’s written in the style of a historical nonfiction which occasionally falls flat (where’s the fucking works cited, lawrence???), but the story is fucking crazy. you got arcane rituals, prostitutes doing sex magic that summon great apes, sabbath is here, the doctor is weak and sickly (always awesome), sabbath is here, the doctor gets married so he can save the earth, sabbath is here,

Mad Dogs and Englishmen by Paul Leonard: this is the petplay book featuring multicolored poodles that have human hands. need i say more? 

Hope by Mark Clapham: not the best book but it’s got some pretty crucial anji moments in, and we all love love love anji so much so we’ll read mediocre novels just for her!! (but we also see the doctor struggle with only having one heart so that’s fun too)

Anachrophobia by Jonathan Morris: literally my top 3 book in the series EASY. it takes place on a planet ravaged by a time war (as in a war that fights with weapons that fuck with time. not like That time war), yet despite that particular futuristic conceit the entire atmosphere of the book feels like something out of the 40s or 50s  - almost like the aesthetics of fallout, but instead of nuclear radiation it’s Time. most of the story takes place in this sealed off bunker that’s doing experiments to try and develop time travel, and while they’re successful in going back in time the guinea pigs who volunteered for the trial develop an illness that fucks up their personal timelines so bad they literally turn into clock zombies. and it’s contagious. but no one can leave because theres fucked up time outside uh oh!!! if you liked the themes of war profiteering from boom in the new season you’ll LOVE this book

Trading Futures by Lance Parkin: fuck you lance parkin i can’t stand your ass! you can’t fucking write for shit!!! i’d recommend this book if you want to see anji referred to as ‘the asian woman’ more than her actual name :) and a southeast asian character with a name that might as well have been taken right out of a book written by  jk rowling. really the only good part of this book is when anji almost calls the doctor an otter-fucker

The Book of the Still by Paul Ebbs: this book is a WILD fucking ride. this book is fucking insane in the most positive of ways. paul ebbs writes an absolutely top tier eight that manages to encapsulate all the development he went through in the series as well as evoking the characterization from the 1996 movie

The Crooked World by Steve Lyons: this is the second book that does a genre-swap, but instead of fairytales this time the tardis lands on a planet dominated by saturday morning cartoon physics and logic. but the doctor & co being there begins to introduce Real Life concepts such as death and sex and swearing, so all these wacky cartoon characters who’ve spent their whole lives doing wacky cartoon things like blowing each other up with sticks of dynamite or hitting each other with big hammers suddenly find that these actions actually have very very serious consequences, which really kicks off when this story’s equivalent of tom rips off this story’s equivalent of jerry’s head, killing him instantly. idk i just watched a lot of saturday morning cartoons as a kid so seeing the parodies of wacky races and scooby doo was very enjoyable. to me

History 101 by Mags L Halliday: to put it simply this book is about leftist infighting. to put it more complexly this book is about the spanish civil war and how differing opinions and principles can alter one’s perception of history - and what happens when history actually starts being changed in accordance to these differing principles. there’s also the subplot featuring fitz’s homoerotic, yet very traumatizing, travels with a guy named sasha as they journey to guernica so they can watch it be bombed

Camera Obscura by Lloyd Rose: this is where sabbath and the doctor’s relationship really reaches it’s peak. this is The Esteemed Toxic Old Man Yaoi Novel. but also remember when i said lloyd rose writes the best angst? this holds especially true here. i won’t spoil it for you but Something Crazy Happens to the Doctor! haha. haha

Time Zero by Justine Richards: this is just quantum physics: the novel. while fitz goes on his doomed siberia expedition with the geologist boytoy george in the 19th century, the doctor investigates some strange readings in siberia like a hundred years later, and some crazy confusing hijinks ensue! the events in this book kick off the arc that’ll continue for the next few books until sometime never where the multiverse is collapsing and the doctor has to fix it. even though he doesn’t know how. ALSO TRIX INTRODUCTIONNNNNN!!!!!!!!

The Infinity Race by Simon Messingham: this one’s whatever. the sabbath characterization is wack but there are a few good moments. you think it’s going to be mostly about a cool boat race but sadly that comes secondary -_-

The Domino Effect by David Bishop: this book is ASS, both plot-wise and characterization-wise. it also just seems like the author was trying to be needlessly edgy when he developed the setting, and there are just some baffling moments where characters say and do things i frankly think they would never say 

Reckless Engineering by Nick Walters: the events in this one center around a tragedy that is fucking batshit insane. the universe this takes place in features a post-apocalyptic earth. i shan’t say what this apocalypse was because finding out what happened is all apart of the fun guys. i can’t spoil everything for you

The Last Resort by Paul Leonard: what if a corporation discovered TIME TRAVEL and set up RESORTS all across human history? what if there was a mcdonalds in ancient egypt and advertisements for microsoft in the original version of the bible? also what if something just soooo fucked up happens so many times <3

Timeless by Stephen Cole: anji’s last book. sobs.

Emotional Chemistry by Simon A. Forward: idk what it was but i just didn’t really vibe with this one. it’s not awful by any means and there’s a bit of plot carried in from the last novel that continues into the next but the actions that surround it don’t really matter i think. honestly i’d just read a summary of this one and continue on 

Sometime Never... by Justin Richards: the culmination of the multiverse stuff. i liked it - miranda makes a reappearance, and the fact she’s written by someone other than lance parkin is already a plus. my only qualm is i don’t really like how it handled sabbath but that’s sort of how i felt about all the books post camera obscura… sigh

Halflife by Mark Michalowski: ANOTHER EASY TOP 3. i’m simply obsessed with all of the concepts and tropes in this book, not to mention it’s where fitz’s infamous Ass Dream can be found. there’s commentary on racism, colonialism, and religion, and it also features cannibalism as a metaphor for love :D

The Tomorrow Windows by Jonathan Morris: another case of me coloring a book orange even though i think you should read it anyway. it’s positively saturated with so many interesting alien planets and creatures and societies you’d be missing out if you didn’t read this one tbh. it’s also the first novel ever to feature the ninth doctor!

The Sleep of Reason by Martin Day: this one ok. it’s another book written from the pov of an outsider and her insights into the doctor, fitz, and trix are interesting (and their characterization when they show up is outstanding!) but it feels like they’re rarely in it & this close to the end of the series i just want to see more of my guys you know...

The Deadstone Memorial by Trevor Baxendale: i loved the atmosphere in this one. it’s more of a ghost story with sci fi elements, and the stakes involved aren’t Bigger Than Ever like they tend to be nowadays, but instead surround the wellbeing of a family of a single mom and her two kids which i appreciate - the doctor isn’t saving the Whole Universe and World; just a family from a small town; it’s effective in getting the point across that the doctor thinks everyone’s important and worth saving 

To the Slaughter by Stephen Cole: this one’s fun and goofy and steve cole wrote it solely so he could fix an error from a fourth doctor serial in which the doctor got the number of jupiter’s moons wrong. that being said the reason it’s not colored orange is because the last book of the series is written by lance parkin and i want to help you procrastinate reading his godawful prose for as long as possible. your welcome

The Gallifrey Chronicles by Lance Parkin: fuck you lance parkin

[purplehalnw]

So, while the Chibnall Era was certainly not as bad as I saw some people saying it was, it was definitely not good. A big problem is that there is just a lot of missed potential. There are lots of elements that the writers didn't take advantage of or expand upon enough which ended up making the story and the characters pretty boring in my opinion. So, a lot of my rewrite ideas will be expansions of those underutilized elements.

Also, let me preface this by saying that I am in no way a professional writer, I am just a teenager with a dream. I've tried to organize my ideas as much as possible by presenting them character by character but it still may be a little messy.

Graham:

-His wife Grace should die helping/saving people after having spent at least half a season with the Doctor (not just one episode)

-The Doctor will feel guilty for having put Grace in danger and not being able to save her. Ryan will blame the Doctor and be angry while Yaz and Graham will be understanding and not blame the Doctor. Graham will reassure Ryan that all of them were aware of the risks that would come with travelling with the Doctor and that Grace died doing what she loved which was helping people.

-Graham's cancer will return and he will die from it. I think it would be interesting to see a companion die from something more normal when other ones have died in the most devastating ways possible. Graham's death can extend over multiple episodes which would show the characters' developing reactions to the fact that Graham is going to die.

-The Doctor will have a crisis in which she tries to make sure that Graham has lived a full life by taking him on as many adventures as possible due to the fact that other companions who died were so young and thus didn't get to experience as much. However, Graham will tell the Doctor that he is content with the mostly quiet life he has lived and that he has accepted the fact that he is going to die because at least he'll be going to the same place where Grace is.

-Also, I posted these ideas on TikTok as well and someone suggested another idea in the comments: The Doctor will obtain a cure for cancer from the future and offer it to Graham. But Graham will reject it for several reasons. One, Graham thinks that he has lived long enough, and he'd rather die this way rather than die suddenly and unexpectedly from something else. Two, the Doctor says she can't give the cure to anyone else before the time it's invented because of you know timeline shenanigans she can't interfere with. So Graham thinks, "why should I get the cure while no one else does? That's unfair". Third, Graham wants to see Grace again.

Ryan:

-Ryan will feel inclined to mend the relationship with his dad because he is the only blood relative he has left since Grace died. However, he won't reconcile with his father in the end. This'll instead be the moment Ryan accepts Graham as a father figure and calls Graham his grandfather.

-His dyspraxia will be touched upon more than just with throwaway lines about how he can't ride a bike and struggles with climbing ladders. There will be moments in which he is underestimated by some of the other characters, maybe Graham, which Ryan will obviously be frustrated by and will serve as a way to show how those with disabilities are often coddled and infantilized. Also, the Doctor will relate to him because of her own neurodivergence (especially since I've seen dyspraxic people point out how the 11th Doctor moves reminds them of themselves) which will strengthen their bond.

-There will be flashbacks that show how Yaz and Ryan were friends when they were in school. The two of them became friends because they both felt like outcasts with Ryan feeling that way due to his dyspraxia and Yaz feeling that way due to her sexuality.

-Ryan's YouTube channel will be a greater part of his character instead of something that never gets brought up again after his first episode. He will constantly record his adventures with the Doctor and upload them to YouTube to honor Grace in a way. When Graham dies of cancer, Ryan will upload a video summarizing who Graham was as a person and all the amazing things he did.

-Graham's death and his thing about being content with the little things in life will make Ryan realize that he hasn't fully explored his planet and seen its full potential and beauty. This epiphany will make him decide to take a break from being with the Doctor to travel around Earth. This'll open up the door for episodes solely focused on Ryan along with a way to introduce us to more Earth adventure episodes with the Doctor. Plus, this situation will allow Yaz and the Doctor's relationship to develop more.

Yaz:

-Her sexuality will not be something that only gets barely acknowledged in her final three episodes.

-Yaz and Ryan will have dated in school but broke up due to Yaz's lack of feelings towards him and her mental health struggles which caused her to push him away which will explain why they grew apart.

-I know we all love Dan but I'm going to have to get rid of him completely. So instead, Ryan will be the one to confront Yaz about her feelings towards the Doctor.

-Yaz's implied internalized homophobia will be further expanded upon. Jack's 51st century values and feelings towards the Doctor along with the Doctor's nonchalantness towards gender will serve as ways for Yaz to accept herself more. A main thing with Doctor Who companions is the Doctor showing them things they didn't even think were possible, the same will be true for Yaz but in a different way.

-The issues surrounding Yaz being a police officer were only barely touched upon in the episode "Rosa" before quickly being brushed off and never brought up again. Her job in general hardly even plays much of a role, like she literally just quits off screen near the end. But now her being a cop will serve as a source of ongoing conflict between the Doctor and Ryan who will be ACAB. The Doctor will challenge Yaz's beliefs regarding the police system, similar to how she challenged Yaz's ideas regarding gender and sexuality.

The Doctor:

-While it is kind of nice that the Doctor's gender identity isn't really questioned and is treated as normal, I think there should be some more exploration of Timelord's concept of sexuality and gender. Are all Timelords fluid in gender and sexuality? Do Timelords ever have gender dysphoria or have gender identities that are different from their current sex? Is sexuality the same throughout every regeneration or does it vary? Not all of them have to be answered or completely answered but I would like them to be addressed.

-More lore will be given regarding who the Doctor thought was their biological family so that the Timeless Child plotline and the fact that the Doctor was lied to will have more impact.

-Instead of confining the Flux to only six episodes, it will be alluded to at around the same time the Timeless Child will be hinted at.

-The writers said that they intentionally wrote the 13th Doctor as autistic. There are several scenes where they emphasize how socially awkward she is and the Timeless Child plotline is used to explain the autistic behavior of hers which has been present throughout the whole entire series. All of this is nice but again it isn't used to it's full potential. The Doctor should be used to create allegories for neurodivergence. The reveal of the Timeless Child will be equated to say finding out you're autistic. The Doctor will be used as a way to show how autistic men are treated differently than autistic women with her eccentricities being met with more hostility than when she was a man. Ryan will address how the way the Doctor acts aligns with autism which will spark a conversation about the necessity of labels and who can use them.

-The Doctor's refusal to form strong relationships out of fear of them ending tragically will be a more present underlying conflict. The story of the 13th Doctor and her companions will end sadly with her pushing them away and leaving them on Earth long enough that they've gone back to their normal lives and have realized that there's nothing they can do except hope that the Doctor is able to sort her shit out on her own.

I have considered doing a rewrite of these seasons or something but again I'm not an expert writer. The only fic I've ever written is a 2,000 word character study and that one took me a long time to write because of how much a perfectionist I am.

[thepersonperson]

How old do you think lived to be in the Heian era?

Also do you think the marks on his body are like birthmarks or tattoos to mark criminals?

Not a clue about Sukuna’s death age. The Buddha reached enlightenment at age 29. Sukuna is “enlightened” so I’m going to put him at 29+ years old at death.

I’ve been meaning to do a Sukuna Tattoo post so I guess I’ll use this as an excuse. They aren’t birthmarks that’s for sure.

Sukuna's Tattoos

Notes before we start.

1) I will be mainly using the TCB scans for the manga because of their accessibility. 

2) Written as of JJK 267.

(Click images for captions/citations.)

Preface

I'm drawing from a lot of sources here because documentation of Heian Era specific tattooing customs is not something I could find. The reason I’m comfortable using non-Heian sources as a reference is due to Sukuna borrowing both language and arts from other periods.

For example, Sukuna scolds Yorozu for not using a Haiku properly. The form of Haiku that Yorozu uses did not exist until the late 17th century. A good 500+ years after the end of the Heian Era (794 to 1185). The Haiku is actually derived from Waka poetry that became popular during the Heian Era. (Very short summary: Waka (Sedoka specifically) -> Renga -> Haiku)

It should also be noted that Chinese influences greatly shaped the development of arts and social attitudes in early Heian Era Japan. These influences declined over the this era as Japan looked towards itself for cultural development. Since the Heian Era was from 794 to 1185, most of the Chinese influences came from the Tang Dynasty (618 to 907).

For all these reasons, most of this tattoo analysis draws from the Tang Dynasty in China and the Edo Period in Japan. However historical Chinese tattooing in general is referenced more due to its availability.

Anyone with more historical Japanese or Chinese knowledge are free to correct me if I get something wrong.

Facial Tattoos

Let's first compare the facial tattoos on Yujikuna Megkuna and OG Sukuna.

Yujikuna and Megkuna have identical facial tattoos, but OG Sukuna lacks the markings over his nose and forehead. I think this is because those markings have something to do with Kenjaku's vessel creation. When Kenjaku casts Idle Transfiguration to wake up the Incarnated sorcerers for the culling games, they also have markings on their foreheads.

Sukuna's vessel markings might be different because his incarnation occured outside of the culling games. It could also be from his cursed object’s division into multiple pieces instead of just one. Whatever the reason, these forehead and nose tattoos prpbably hold more information about Sukuna’s relationship with Kenjaku than his past in general. All 3 versions of Sukuna share the chinstrap markings, so those tattoos likely have significance outside of Kenjaku.

Now onto what they could mean…

Sukuna has already demonstrated that he knows his Chinese literature and wordplay via Enchain/契闊 (Keikatsu). (The person who brought this to my attention may or may not have their account nuked. A doctored version of the Tweets is screenshottes here). What's important for this analysis is knowing that Keikatsu comes from a Chinese Poem.

The poem referenced belongs to the Shijing or The Book of Odes. This book is a part of the Wujing or Five Classics, a series of documents believed to be compiled by Confucius that has greatly influenced both China and Japan. Amongst the Five Classics is the Shangshu or Book of Documents that cites the use of punitive tattooing. Quoted directly from Wikipedia:

"It lists the "Five Punishments": the five primary penalties employed by ancient Chinese officials on criminals. The first (and least severe) of these punishments was the tattooing of the criminal's face with indelible ink."

In the Edo Period of Japan, the criminal markings on the face seem to only appear on the forehead. These were given to any lawbreaker as a punishment and a warning because they didn't have prisons. (Source)

These sources both suggest the facial markings are for criminals. However, there are alternative meanings that should be considered.

Kenjaku’s vessel markings are on the forehead and many of the culling game players consider themselves to be manipulated by the promises of incarnation. It’s also odd that the strongest sorcerer is unable to incarnate properly due to Yuji acting as a cage. Kenjaku is all but outright confirmed to have done that on purpose.

For these reasons, I think the following historical tattoo practice from the Chinese Song Dynasty (960 to 1279) should be considered. Quoting directly from the source:

“Tattoos for slaves were things like a label of ownership, or a brand on the forehead. There are some examples of slaves, and concubines, receiving tattoos as punishment for things like trying to escape…”

Uro is a former slave, a military slave to be exact. I go more into detail about this in my Initial Sukuna Backstory Theory. There is also the fact that Kenjaku sees the incarnated and has access to their lives/bodies like this...

They're essentially toys with built-in tracking devices for Kenjaku to monitor and tinker with as needed. The forehead and nose tattoos on Yuji/Megkuna can therefore be seen as a mark of ownership by Kenjaku. And maybe this is why Choso has one across his nose too.

There is one more meaning I can propose for the facial tattoos, though it mostly applies to the chinstrap.

Within China there are tribes that used facial tattoos for other purposes. The Dulong women had their faces tattooed to make themselves look undesirable to invaders that would abduct them for slavery and rape. (If you've read that one revised Sukuna backstory of mine, this is significant.) But more commonly, these markings became a tradition for girls coming of age.

The Ainu women in Japan also used facial tattoos for coming of age, beauty, and preparing for death. I bring up the Ainu because they’re mentioned as a non-Japanese group of sorcerers. There's also this Yuji is of Ainu heritage theory to consider. (This could link Sukuna to the Ainu by blood.)

The tribal uses are discussed here because Sukuna’s tattoos are vaguely tribal in appearance. Though tribal tattoos tend to be more detailed, his feel like a simplified version of them. I think that works well with Sukuna being labeled an unwanted child at birth. Japan has wiped out a lot of its indigenous populations and customs (see the Emishi). After all, what minority group practices haven’t been demonized and associated with criminal activity by the majority?

So the facial tattoos for Sukuna may be a marker for his vessel status, a claim of ownership, a punishment for being a criminal, a deterrent for sexual assault, or a signifier of belonging to a tribe. You can come to your own conclusions about this, after all none of this is confirmed.

Chest and Belly Tattoos

Comparing the versions of Sukuna again. (All these sections are going to start like this.)

Yujikuna and Megkuna once again have the same tatts. OG Sukuna has “C” hooked markings over his pecs instead of the “S” hooks of the other two. He also lacks the belly markings entirely. Since his belly mouth seems to be replacing the belly tattos, I think those markings on Yuji/Megkuna are a stand in for that extra mouth. The pec style differences I have no explanation for.

Due to the chest tattoos extending over Sukuna’s shoulders and onto his back, I won’t looking for possible meanings until the back tatts are addressed.

Back Tattoos

The tattoos running down Sukuna’s back appear to be the same for all 3 versions. Differences are slight enough to be considered inconsistency in the art and not deliberate.

The neck tattoos between Yuji/Megkuna and OG Sukuna differ slightly however. The bands of Yuji/Megukuna remain separate while OG Sukuna’s fuse together and extend further down his back. I don’t really have an explanation for this difference, much like the hooks differing on his pecs.

Back and chest tattoos are associated with criminal activities in Japan rather than criminal punishments because they are hidden under clothing. (Well not in Sukuna’s case, but you know…) Most notably the Yakuza have very intricate chest and back tattoos.

But going back to China, tattoos were also used as dog tags for military members and could signify loyalty, mainly during the Song Dynasty (960 to 1279, which is still within the Heian Era). Despite this, cultural opinions at the time seemed to be conflicted due to tattoos sharing an association with criminals. Quoted directly from the source:

“According to Yue Fei’s biography, when the legendary general was slandered and interrogated for treason, he tore the shirt off his body, exposing four characters tattooed on his back: “Exhaust one’s loyalty in service of the state.” This study looks at two components of the Yue Fei story—patriotic tattoos, and tattooed generals—and examines their meaning in the broader stretch of Song dynasty history. Yue Fei was not the Song dynasty’s only tattooed general who came to a tragic end.”

“This study shows that underneath the nationalist historical narrative of the Song dynasty, of which Yue Fei is a famous example, there lies a different story of social conflict within the Song state. Rather than a story of Chinese fighting non-Chinese and of traitorous and cowardly officials struggling with loyal patriots, this study offers a narrative of a social conflict between high-born clear-skinned officials and low-born tattooed military men.”

Now that sounds a lot like how the higher ups clash with the Jujutsu Sorcerers who do all the actual work. This mentality existed even in the Heian Era, where Uro was exploited as a military slave by the Fujiwaras. And since Uro is a Sukuna parallel, these tattoos could also indicate a similar type of exploitation.

There are still tribal purposes to consider. Drawing more from Chinese sources, the Dai men had body tattoos as a symbol of strength that would accentuate their muscles. Sukuna’s chest and back tatts really draw attention his brawn. The Li women had body tattoos as a right of passage and as identifiers. Sukuna’s neck tattoos in particular are similar to these ones.

So my spattering of explanations this time around for the chest and back tattoos are criminal organization affiliation, military “loyalty” claims (this is a form a slavery), decorative pieces to accentuate the muscles, a right of passage, and an identifier.

Arm Tattoos

Remember how I theorized that the belly markings on Yuji/Megkuna were a stand in for OG Sukuna’s extra mouth? That’s what I think is going on with the arm tattoos as well. The double bands and circles on Yuji/Megukuna represent the extra limbs on OG Sukuna. When this fusion is pulled apart, you get the single bands and dots on the 4 limbs.

As for their meanings? There’s the criminal markings of the Edo Period that indicate where the particular criminal is from. (Courtesy of this Reddit post.)

Since Yuji/Megkuna tattoos are more related to Kenjaku’s vessel creations, this could hint that their deal took place in Nara, Oosaka, Koufu, or Edo. (Nara is most likely because of its significance in the Heian Era.) For OG Sukuna, this is more indicative of where he first got them.

However, the single band is not for a location but rather a status—Hinin. These are the undesirables and social outcasts that were marked for their uncleanness. Sukuna was born a conjoined twin and unwanted. It’s likely these markings directly correspond to that fact.

…

(An unserious suggestion. On queer men in the US, double rings on the arm can represent how far they can fist someone.

I don’t think Gege is referencing this at all. This is just an example of why cultural context is very important to consider.)

...

There are some other meanings to be drawn from armbands specifically, but those are easier to group with legs.

Leg Tattoos

Differing from the other sections, the leg tattoos have only been seen on Megkuna and OG Sukuna. As referenced in the image below, we have the ankle of Megkuna (top left), the upper thigh of Megkuna (right), and ankles of OG Sukuna (bottom left).

Instead of having the double rings, like on his arms, Megkuna only has a single band, which matches OG Sukuna. (It’s reasonable to assume Yujikuna is the same and that OG Sukuna has the upper thigh bands too.) This further supports the idea that the double bands and shoulder rings represent the fusion of the extra limbs. Sukuna never had extra legs so there’s no need represent missing limbs.

For what they mean? I have only the non-Japanese/Chinese sources to go by. Gege may be a fan of non-Japanese cultures, but I'm not sure if that means Sukuna's design elements would borrow from them.

In other cultures, armband tattoos can represent mourning. Which ones exactly I have no idea because all the sites making this claim don’t specify them in detail. (Source 1, Source 2, Source 3) It’s honestly pretty infuriating. If you’re going to “borrow” designs from “cultures” to sell, at least cite your got danged sources.

But if we are to read these as indications of mourning, I don’t believe they’re for a person. Throughout this analysis, tattoos recurrently are associated with some form of oppression—slavery, uncleanliness, social damnation. If Sukuna’s bands are to be read as mourning, I think it’s for the loss of his autonomy and personhood.

What does it all mean?

Sukuna's tattoos are permanent marks that appear to be directly linked to his soul. How he acquired them is currently unknown. Traditional means of application can be quite painful, using metal or bamboo rods to carve skin and fill the abrasions with ink. (Here's a video if you want to watch it be applied.)

If we consider Kenjaku’s use of brands to mark and control vessels, it could be assumed that Sukuna’s tattoos are ones others put on him through binding vows for his control. They could also be symbolic in nature, hinting at his heritage and origins, indicating that he was branded an outcast at birth or even blessed by deities for protection. Perhaps Sukuna wanted the tattoos himself as an act of rebellion against the changing social norms. Whatever the reason, one thing is clear, these tattoos separate him from other humans.

Existing on the Border

I think the ambiguity behind the purpose of these tattoos this fits nicely with Sukuna and other people not knowing how to categorize his personhood. He's so strong and different that he might as well be something other than human. But he's not a curse, he wouldn't be able to used Reversed Curse Technique if that were the case. Is he a monster? A natural disaster? A god? He's kind of all these things at once by way of projection. Other people assign these labels to him and Sukuna doesn't correct them. There's something profoundly gender about it all.

And if you noticed, tattoos in ancient China and Japan have purposes that differ by gender. For women they were used for beauty and protection, while with men they were used to mark ownership and criminality. Sukuna has a melding masculine and feminine elements which is why I consider the tattoo meanings for both with him.

That sounds kind of crazy given that Sukuna very much embodies strength born of toxic masculinity. However, he actively wears women’s clothing and seems to have no qualms with being associated with feminine things. (Godbless marketing team for leaning into that.) He may have a rough and masculine speaking style, but he loves poetry and flowers.

(Sukuna is lying when he tries to deny it. Megumi's hobbies have everything to do with animals, not flowers.)

The earrings he wears, though a direct reference to the Buddha (basically it’s shorthand for how Sukuna isn’t truly enlightened yet), are another symbol of Sukuna's non-conformity. Earrings are something the Japanese government went out of its way to ban for Ainu men during the Meji Restoration after it decided they were only for women.

Even the short hair both he and Uraume wear are quite rebellious for those times, if not an indication of their lower standing. Regardless of gender, long hair was seen as desirable, high-class, and attractive during the Heian Era. (Source for men and source for women.) Most of the Heian characters wear it that way.

Notice how the servant has her hair cut shorter. Sukuna and Uraume's is shorter than that. It would be considered ugly and possibly dehumanizing. And yet when Kashimo sees Sukuna's true form, he calls him beautiful. He uses 美しい (Utsukushii) to do that.

That kind of beauty is a bit deeper than the English language can get across. From the words of someone else, "...utsukushi can express the beauty of something that catches your heart."

Kashimo isn't really wrong, but he's also not entirely right. For every panel of Sukuna looking like an ethereal god, there's another of him being an amorphous creature or a rabid goblin. All of these types of faces for Sukuna occur within JJK 253 alone.

These contradicting elements that somehow fit together are what make Sukuna, Ryomen Sukuna. He both participates in and rejects beauty. He’s crude and classy, violent and merciful, masculine and feminine. That duality, that two-faced nature is Sukuna.

I think his tattoos reflect this. Directly quoted from the source:

“Tattoos have many different symbolic meanings in Japanese culture and can denote where an individual ranked in society or serve as a permanent means of defense against evil forces or perhaps members of the animal kingdom. With the arrival of the seventh-century, the idea of tattooing one’s body in order to make it more beautiful began to lose its appeal due to the strong influence of Chinese customs in Japan—specifically when it came to identifying and tracking criminal activity. Around 720AD during the Nara Period, it appears that tattooing as a form of punishment began to infiltrate Japanese culture. Once the dawn of the Edo Period began the art form was more widely used as a punishment for criminals as at the time there was really no such thing as a prison to send lawbreakers off to.”

The purposes and attitudes towards tattoos in the Heian Era morph in the way Sukuna morphs both physically and in perception. Since Sukuna is the Fallen One, that means he must have been Honored One first. What caused him to fall remains a mystery, much like the meanings behind his tattoos.

One last thing...

A small caveat in relation to everything else, Sukuna referring to himself as The Fallen is the only time he has introduced himself.

He’s not given someone his name nor identified himself as anything other than a former human (which was internal). Combined with the ambiguous nature of his form, tattoos, and origins, I don't think it would be wrong to read him as someone who has transcended gender.

[captainhunnicutt]

One of my all time favorite episodes is "The Yalu Brick Road," and sure, part of it is because it's written by Mike - but I think it's also a really interesting study in how BJ uses humor to diffuse any sort of situation. I should preface all of this with, yes, I understand this is an episode that is pure sitcom comedy. The absurdity of the situation is the humor, and we all knew that nothing drastic was ever going to happen to Hawkeye and BJ. They weren't going to die, and even if they actually got captured - they would make it back to the 4077. I suppose there's an argument to be made that by Henry dying, it opened up a world of possibilities where any member of the 4077th wasn't safe - but I've yet to come across someone who truly believed Hawkeye and BJ weren't going to come out of this situation in any other way besides comedic flare.

It's no secret that I think BJ stands out as a character whose complexity goes beyond the surface of his seemingly laid-back demeanor. I think there's a lot of reasons why he appears that way, but maybe it's not a true and accurate representation of him as a whole - but that's another post for another time. In "The Yalu Brick Road," the idea that Hawkeye and BJ are almost captured by Ralph (a single North Korean), who in turn actually wants to be captured by Americans... and they all mutually surrender to one another is just absurd. It's a perfect sitcom plot line. It takes something potentially serious and flips it on its head and makes it ridiculous.

As drafted doctors, one might think that BJ and Hawkeye's reactions to every situation from the time the jeep wrecks is so absurd and unrealistic - and to an extent it is. While I've never been a drafted doctor, I can't imagine that I would remain as calm as they both did. I think it could also be argued that BJ's character was notoriously "calm" and "collected," and his reactions to everything might not have seemed entirely out of character. But... why is that? What is it about what makes BJ tick that makes the calmness in the most absurd situation actually work?

I think it's because Mike recognized that BJ's calmness is rooted in several fundamental parts of his character - starting first with his general professionalism and competence. He's a highly skilled surgeon (yes, Hawkeye is as well and anything that I say is not to negate anything about Hawkeye. I am just explaining my opinion on why Mike made the choices he did for BJ and only BJ.) I think when you're as confident in your skills as BJ was, that easily translates into a steady demeanor under pressure. He can't perform in the OR if he's a nervous mess. It's how he gets out of tight situations - and maybe subconsciously those same methods are applied in the face of either a.) potentially captures or b.) being lost in the middle of a war. I guess what I'm saying is that this level of professionalism is a cornerstone of BJ's character, and it's not really surprising that it would extend to moments of potentially personal danger.

The Korean War presented an array of horrific and absurd situations, and humor becomes a vital coping mechanism for all of those at the 4077th. I've often wondered if the wildness of the A-plot in Yalu is Mike's way of commenting on the absurdity of war in general. How 99% of the situations that these men, women, and children found themselves in is because of the insanity of others. That it is absolutely absurd to think of a war as anything other that blatantly insane, and there are real people impacted and facing ridiculous decisions and situations day in and day out. And that sometimes, the only thing we can do to maintain our sanity is to laugh. By cracking jokes, by being sarcastic, by being himself - BJ shields himself from the potentially overwhelming fear and stress of the situation that could easily consume him. Instead of firing bullets to keep himself safe, he's firing off quips and jokes. It's the one trait of his that never waivers throughout the entire series - and one of the main reasons Yalu works.

The absurdities (I am so sorry for reusing this word as much as I have) of war and touching on them throughout the series helps balance the line between comedy and really tragedy, and showing how the characters cope with the bizarre reality of their situations hits in different ways for different people. BJ's ability to find humor in the absolute absurdity in Yalu, and just the war in general, is a reflection of this broader theme throughout MASH.

I think the fact that he was going through all of the potential danger and fear alongside Hawkeye helped BJ respond and react in the most typical BJ way possible. No reaction. Nothing out of the ordinary. I think the presence of Hawkeye was a significant factor in BJ's overall calmness. Their connection runs deep, and it's not even about Beejhawk. Whether you ship them together or you don't - it's very hard to deny that their connection exists and that they really help keep the other tethered to reality and focusing on the light at the end of the tunnel. I think on some level, BJ just knew that as long as Hawkeye was right there with him, and going through everything as well, they will get out of every situation. He draws strength from their relationship, and sometimes I think this was Mike's way of giving a nod to Alan for welcoming him with open arms, for fostering a community where people could grow and take risks and learn new things, and for just being his friend. The bond between Mike and Alan wouldn't exist without the bond between BJ and Hawkeye, and I think Mike deliberately putting the characters in a potentially really bad situation - but coming out of it unscathed and together - speaks volumes.

"The Yalu Brick Road" is, in my opinion, one of the funnier episodes - but I really love and appreciate that Mike knew exactly who BJ was and knew exactly how BJ would react - and nothing felt weird or out of place. None of it felt forced. The reactions felt aligned with the character arcs, and Mike's ultimate vision of who BJ was and who BJ was going to become.

I also love that Mike saw an opportunity to put Alan in a sidecar and without hesitating took it. Such a BJ move.

[doberbutts]

hey so feel free to delete this if its inappropriate/not the right time to share it

i’m a trans woman and (obviously) i can’t get pregnant, but i did get sexually assaulted by some guys trying to show was one of them. and also having an m marker has caused issues with trying to access resources and shit.

idk this isnt the same thing and all but my point is that im standing with u as some random trans woman with vaguely parallel experiences and im sorry to hear its somehow even worse & more likely for some of yall.

I wanr to preface this with a disclaimer, to get things out of the way first.

I am not trying to say that trans women do not experience devastating sexual assaults. They do. Quite often. Though to me, even once is too often. Rape and sexual assault are terrible, awful things. It's horrible that anyone has been made to go through this.

Nor am I trying to say that your M marker doesn't get in the way of things. When it comes to the domestic violence you experience, or the homelessness rates, or a determination of what prison you go to (esp since y'all are more likely to be wrongfully accused and arrested), or the various aspects of your own reproducive healthcare, your agab and gender marker is absolutely used as a weapon against you.

The question was asked for a unique example. Unfortunately, the conversation around reproductive rights is much different for me than it is for you. But it's also much different for me than for cis women and cis men as well. Those without a functional uterus cannot get pregnant. Those who cannot get pregnant are not forcibly married off to be raped until pregnant as a means of detransition and correction. This misogyny we share with cis women.

However an added aspect of that is that if this happens after we've changed our legal documents, an additional layer of transphobia occurs when insurances and doctors see our M or X markers and deny us care out of hand. Now we are stuck with a pregnancy we don't want and constant reminder of what happened to us, or a huge medical bill with devastating financial consequences.

And that's just for those who got out safety- for those who rely on shelters, again the choice becomes detransition for safety at a woman's shelter, or struggle in silence as a man. That, we share with you, though for different reasons.

A unique interection of transphobia and misogyny specifically experienced by trans men was asked for. That is what I provided. Much like how in Crenshaw's essays one could not provide a complete understanding of "because woman" or "because black" because neither would show the full picture of "because black woman", it is not possible to describe this fully as "because trans " or "because man" because the complete "because trans man" must be provided.

I am of the opinion that there is very little "unique" about oppression- mostly that the various points of intersection change its face. In other words, I think trans men share a lot with trans women, and I don't think that's a bad thing. I also think that doesn't disclude something from earning its own name or having its own place to be talked about.

I have hesitated to post those statistics because they can so easily be twisted to say "trans women don't experience these things" or "trans men have it worse". But, a look at the graphs say the first isn't true, it just happens at a statistically less rate. The second, well, I personally don't think it's useful to quantify who has it worse. I once was in that mindset, apologizing to my mentor (an older trans woman) for complaining about my problems because obviously she had it so much worse.

She told me she doesn't like to think about it like that. For her, she would rather be raped than killed. For me, I would rather be killed than raped. Who has it "worse" depends entirely on perspective. Murder and rape are both terrible crimes to be a victim of. Rather than weighing this violence in a scale, more effort should be put into stopping it from happening in the first place. I think she was very wise. I'm lucky to have known her.

I'm sorry that happened to you. I would like to reach across the table and take your hand, to walk forward into the future together. I think we are stronger when united in this world that hates us. You are my sister. We may fight like siblings, but you're still family.

[dlartistanon]

I have to be honest, after everything I heard I went into Lone Trail anticipating Muelsyse character assassination-- nay, *annihilation*, for the sake of Doctor-sexual fanservice and I was ready to be disappointed. But having finished reading Lone Trail myself now... What? Her homescreen lines are utter horseshit, I completely agree, but her actual character writing in Lone Trail fits that really good analysis post by meeblo so accurately that I can't believe meeblo didn't read LT before writing

"The more I think about Lone Trail the less I like how they executed the story."

So, let me preface this with with preemptive TL;DR: If you are a fan of Silence as a character, you probably really enjoy Lone Trail.

If you are a fan of any other character, especially Muelsyse, and ESPECIALLY if you don't like or don't care for self-insert pandering, you're likely disappointed and/or frustrated with Lone Trail. I am the latter.

Let me just copypaste what my friend has to say (plus my own replies and commentary) since they can articulate the feeling better than I can:

I'm sorry. I just can't imagine a world where Saria, who means so much to Muelsyse, is nearly assassinated and in awful shape, and *she knows that* and is like "wassup doctor, heard Saria's in trouble but lets hang out"

Me: Exactly. This does not make sense with what we know of their relationship. Especially since she's later worried sick/almost breaks down at the thought of losing Saria for real

I'm just going through the story and so much of it doesn't make sense to me. And it's (I'm not done but getting there) just *so depressing* how much of the event is eaten up with kind of pointless/uninteresting doctor babysitting? She should be front & center in all of this. There's so much to work with and play with but so much of it does not make *any sense*. Muelsyse did not need to be hobbled by this. Hell, so far as I've read, Doctor didn't need to be there or could have done it on their own. Fucking frustrating.

Me: I'm not that familiar with Guide Ahead, but I can't help but imagine how much better/more concise Lone Trail could've been had they handled Samuelsten in a similar way to GA's central trio. Don't shove Muelsyse to the side, make her an active agent in the story, with the people who matter to her

I mean I’ve made it to CW-7 and as someone who’s in the middle of all of this (often by design) I’m puzzled that she’s one of the least interesting parts of the event? Kristen, HoHo, Nasti, Jara are great. We know why it matters to her but she’s on the fringes the entire time. This should have been done like guide ahead but guide ahead was much better and leaner by virtue of not needing to dedicate half the fucking event to talk about how great and interesting the doctor is. There’s no reason doctor couldn’t have been with Kal’tsit the entire time. That would actually make sense. But nope.

"It's Saria you want to see, It's Kristen who you're looking for" but why don't we just stick you with Doctor the entire fucking event and you can act like you're just on a little adventure. Cannot believe I have to rely on the furniture to give what the event should have.

This might be a controversial take, but I wish all this giant lore dump with Doctor, Priestess and Kal'tsit had been relegated to another vignette or main chapter with just mentions of Kirsten/Kristen and Rhine Lab. It's taking up much too much of Rhine Lab's event. Instead of *way too many flashbacks* with Doctor/Kal'tsit/ whoever, we could have had this building up Saria/ Kirsten/Muelsyse with their past instead of the one 3 second glimpse we got. I am so mad at this stupid fucking decision. Rhine Lab Event: featuring Rhine Lab as glorified cameos

Reply: Yeah its so annoying. It takes up sooo much god damn space and for what? And for what ? It doesn’t belong. I swear to god i wish we focused on, idk, the main relationship between saria and kirsten (and mumu but my faith is lost) instead of kirsten only showing up at the very end

Yeah, I'm sure glad FERDINAND got the most screen time out of all Rhine Lab. Just *what*. But the lore dump, while *fine* is just fucking egregious and does not belong here. This could have been referenced elsewhere and they could have fleshed out everyone else.

I have finished Lone Trail! Cumulatively, I love about two chapters worth of it! I definitely had high expectations but even if I'd had mediocre expectations I would have been let down. Not enough of the Rhine Lab founders, needless lore dump that could have gone elsewhere. It felt fragmented and like a hodge podge of things. Saria, Muelsyse and Kirsten felt like cameos in the entire event. And I'm sure the intention of this was to elevate just how goddamn special the doctor is, but the way it was written, it felt like no one at Rhine Lab gives a single solitary fuck about Muelsyse in any real capacity. These are the people she's had and adores. Yes, her loneliness was a sort of focus of the event, but the way it plays out does make it feel like "yeah, you're right to be lonely. Thank god for doctor!"

So much of my irritation is not only was she reduced to a love interest for Doctor, treated poorly by everyone at RL, she had zero agency in the whole event. She really was just floating passively for the most part. Muelsyse in Lone Trail: 1. Looks for Kirsten/ doesn't find Kirsten/ abandoned & not said goodbye to by Kirsten. 2. Looks for Saria (eventually) stopped by Saria. Saves Saria, doesn't talk to her again/ is not acknowledged by Saria. 3. Nasti tells her she's a crybaby & to get lost I mean, it really is no wonder she wanted to off herself. She built Rhine Lab with them from the beginning and this is how the event chooses for all these people to treat her? It's unbelievable.

Me: All that to make Doctor look better in comparison, right? It's jarring bc it's such a far cry from the brief concern Saria showed towards her in DV and doesn't even follow up with her claim to want to save Muelsyse in LT. Where's the consistency? She remembers that Mumu is fragile, but we don't even get a scene or mention of checking up on her after crashing back down to earth?

At least in Kristen's case, she remembered Muelsyse exists afterwards with the plantlife onboard, but it's not even presented as wrong or a character flaw how Saria ignores Muelsyse in the end, even though she literally saved her life. Just... nothing. This is the defender who protects others? The one that she fell for?

Yeah “when you’re emotional you forget that you’re fragile” & okay this is a devastating day for her so fuck her very much! No need to check on how she’s doing losing a long time friend and colleague, how she was in a thing that literally crashed but she saved *her*. And this isn’t even about Samuels in particular! This is how she was treated by the people with an established history that matter to her. Obviously the game is pandering, but given how literally everyone in the game, from the actions she can see, treats her like she is disposable trash. It’s no fucking wonder she’d be like “oh wow doctor!” Because at least they treat her like a human being who has feelings and who hurts? The fact that Saria doesn’t even reach out, that she has treated her like a stranger for the most part doesn’t track. Why did they make Muelsyse the “hero/ star” of the event banner? She’s forgotten and mistreated by everyone, gets almost zero game content, her file and voice lines are a mess and she doesn’t influence the story in any way at all. This event as a Rhine Lab story was trash.

Me: It felt so much more like a "Silence" story with Rhine Lab as window dressing. They clearly didn't have any editors around because how can you SAY that these people matter to Muelsyse but then not PROVE it? The lack of care, the disrespect towards her and other characters in relation to her is just astonishing

I like Silence a lot but wtf was she leading this? The whole thing is the conflict with Sarsten w/ Muelsyse in the middle. She got a new outfit, talked to Parvis, rehashed a conversation w Saria for the 10th time? This should have been all Muelsyse / Saria/ Kirsten but they barely existed in the event. And who the fuck polled whoever else to decide that Ferdinand and the creep Josh should get the rest of the time!Why so much build up with Jara / her closeness to Kirsten to not have any interaction with them? WTF were they doing.

I could probably write an essay about all the things I felt didn't work as a Rhine Lab event. This might have worked better as a vignette just to keep it tidy. But I think the other thing for me is that… hrm this event almost assumes that all you've seen of Silence is the manhua and thus wow! Growth! She loses the glasses and gets a new style to show that off. But the Silence of this event is the Silence we've had in the game since day one. The one in Mansfield and in Dorothy's Vision who is kind of certain about what is wrong and what is right and will stand up for that. So to me there wasn't any growth there. Because we'd already seen that growth/ that was the person we've known since the start of the game. A lot of this event kind of relies on… either not having read the manhua or exclusively having read the manhua. Because if not for the manhua you don't know/ understand why there's that Kirsten/Saria divide and how much it means. It's all very weird.

And kind of to add to my little rant… DV and the manhua allude to Muelsyse being extremely close to Kirsten and being her sidekick. But in neither the manhua or any of the events do we see any of that. Instead we get Nasti (who I like a lot) in that role and--- I just don't get it. You'll be less disappointed if you don't read the manhua. lol A ton of Muelsyse's character development and her relationship with Saria is highlighted there and this event just kind of decides to burn all of that to the ground. But if you want to see why the final chapter matters/ is special/ yes, read it.

Me: Nasti's in the role bc we had to have our self-insert fix with the hot new playable op :/

yeah. with the same motivations. but all of that should have rightfully been hers I really do think they just gave Muelsyse's role to Nasti And the cherry on top of all of it was at the end when Muelsyse is like "Huh did the three of us actually dance together or did I make all of that up?" I just can't with that final slap in the face to Muelsyse and all of them. Like her talk about loneliness is fine and well done and the little history but so much left a lot of questions.

Me: yeah… it's just. wow. there were nuggets and seeds planted that had potential, but they didn't bother to actually cultivate and develop those relationships and dynamics at which point why even include them at all

Yeah, I’ll include that in my rant, but my last point on that end is Saria’s “I would do it over again” doesn’t make sense if you haven’t read the manhua— and just doesn’t jive with what is presented in the events with her that is much more clinical. And I’ve said this about multiple things— but a story should be able to stand on its own without having needed to read a manhua for additional context— and especially when having read the manhua you’re left with ??????

[blairelythere]

Never seen ultraman

What should I watch first to see if I like it or not?

Ultraman is a tokusatsu series with a very large variety of tones and styles. Each season is distinctly different from the last, especially in the New Generation era. Some seasons are very serious and gritty, some are slice-of-life, and some are light plot/heavy action. It's up to you on what you'd prefer!

I want to preface with the three eras (and sub eras) of Ultraman, just so you're aware of these terms when they come up:

Showa (1966 - 1987)

Heisei (1996 - 2012)

-> Heisei Trilogy/Part 1 (1996-1999)

-> Heisei Part 2/Phase 2 (2000 - 2012)

New Generation (2013 - Present)

-> Reiwa (2019 - Present)

That being said, I give you 5 equally valid options to begin:

Option 1:

Ultraman (1966)

Start with where it all began!*

Ultraman (1966) is Japan's take on the Twilight Zone but with a superhero-esqe twist. If you enjoy older sci-fi like the early seasons of Doctor Who or the first Star Trek, you'll greatly appreciate the practical effects, deep but episodic plots, and the unique kaiju/seijin.

From there, watch in order of release and enjoy just how much the show evolves. All the highs and lows.

*(Side note - technically Ultra Q (1966) is the first show but does not feature Ultraman whatsoever. This show serves as a prequel to the idea of kaiju and seijin in the modern world. If you're a completionist, you can start here and be amazed at how there are *still* monsters and plots making reappearances from this show)

Option 2:

Ultraman Tiga (1996)

Ultraman Tiga is the beginning of the Heisei Era and is widely regarded as one of the best series in the entire franchise.

I have lots of love to give to Tiga specifically, and this post of mine explains why that is:

Option 3:

Ultraman Mebius (2006)

Ultraman Mebius is the 40th anniversary of the Ultra series and is a beautiful continuation and love-letter of the Showa Era timeline. It features returning cast members, monsters, and plotlines from Ultraman, Ultraseven, Jack, Ace, Taro, Leo, and 80 (which all take place on the same Earth).

This show is a perfect introductory piece to the series because it exposes you to such a large amount of lore from the past while recontextualizing it with modern effects, richer storytelling, and a more serious tone. Mebius has so much heart, happiness, and hopefulness. It's a very positive and "heroic" type show.

Option 4:

Ultraman Orb (2016)

Ultraman Orb is, even while nestled in the near-middle of the New Gen Era, a fantastic starting piece and my typical recommendation for starters. It's quite fun and light-hearted but has an intense emotional core surrounding lost love and a broken friendship. The action and special effects are top-notch, and the main villain is an ICONIC character who pops up many times in later shows.

This show introduces fusions, which become a frequent New Gen trend (Orb does it the best of all). Great choice if you're looking to get dropped somewhere not too confusing or plot-intensive yet still action-y and engaging.

Option 5:

Ultraman Blazar (2023)

Ultraman Blazar is the newest season of Ultraman and started airing back in July. As of writing this, we are currently at Episode 8.

Blazar is unique and inventive so far in both its plot and aesthetic. It has a semi-serious sci-fi/military feel mixed with amazing new kaiju and.... a really strange Ultra lol. Blazar is unlike most thus far. He's primitive and beastly, kinda like a caveman.

It may not be the most completely accurate representation of the series as a whole, but nothing beats the excitement of watching the newest season as it airs!! The Tsuburaya official YouTube channel simulcasts each new episode as it airs in Japan (with japanese or english audio and subs).

~

I wish you luck on your multiverse-spanning Ultraman adventures!

Feel free to ask more questions if you have any 💛💛💛

[nomouthedscream]

PREFACE: I AM A JAIDEN ANIMATIONS FAN, THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE A HATE POST OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT, ITS JUST MY SUBJECTIVE FEELINGS AND SORT OF MUSINGS

Watched jaidenanimation's new video earlier today, and Im torn. Cause on one hand I feel really happy for her for having made it to 10 years, and I understand the desire to do something else after having done a job for a while, to just relax and be yourself and possibly even rediscover yourself. But also the life she described after youtube is just not a realistic one, even for normal people. Part of the reason the job market is so utterly dogshit is because they work really hard to try and pidgeonhole you into certain positions and actively punish you for going against it. An increasing number of companies are requiring 2-3 years work experience for entry level positions (I wish I was kidding). They don't like it when your most recent job was in a different industry, even if it was for college. And any sort of gap in employment is blamed upon your laziness and lack of work ethic.

And colleges get increasingly pickier about your qualifications and if you should get money the older you are because they want that space youre taking up for some 18 year olds who don't know how to bargain or finacially plan well. My college has a secondary college specifically for "adults" (people over 22). Ive only met about 10 people over 22 in classes, and all of them were seeking masters, doctorates, or work certifications. I have only ever met 2 people over 30 who I took classes with, one seeking a masters while the other was working towards getting a work certification. There are people out there who get bachelors late or second ones after their first set, but they are a rare breed, and often times they either have to have a lot of money on hand or have to be willing to go into debt.

And if you go the self owned buisness route, you have the exact same problem that jaiden complained about with youtube, which is that it never actually leaves your mind, it is always there, a shadow at the edge of your vision.

I just, I dunno, I love Jaiden's content and I'm really happy for her, and I think its kinda sweet she idolizes the simple life. But I also think this video sort of epitomizes the fact that the people who got to make youtube a full time job sort of believe they live in a different world totally separate from ours, and they don't really know what normal is, at least not at the point jaiden's at. It felt like when cottagecore was really popular and people talked about the ideal of "the simple life" or when people were obsessed with van life and a bunch of people then had to come out and say "NO, ITS NOT ALL SUNSHINE AND ROSES". Youtube is a job that changes your lifestyle, but so is... any job. My friend whos gonna start student teaching next semester feels like they can't swear anymore or else theyre gonna slip up. My friend who works as an auctioneer basically has no time for his social life anymore. I constantly have work and college looming in my mind, and I've been repeatedly told to be prepared to dedicate all my time to my work since Im going into a stem field. Its all just sort of a part of growing up and taking on adult life. It's just all work in one form or another. It's incredibly difficult to genuinely retire at a young age now adays so if you want to no longer do a job you're going to have to switch instead. And there is no shame in wanting a job change, but it is always important to recognize what such a change will entail and if you're willing to undergo the hardship you will have to endure to get any sort of reward from it. So... yeah.

Tldr: Jaiden's new 10 year anniversary video reminded me that people really do think the grass is greener on the other side.

[banamine-bananime]

preface: i was writing a list of my headcanons for funsies and got completely derailed with angsty grimmons shit that needs to be scooped out of that post because it’s stupid long. so here

grif worked in honolulu a couple years after hs graduation until kai was old enough (17) he felt he could leave. did a year at university before realizing he’s smart enough to be admitted to cornell but not to get the scholarship he realistically needs to not be in crushing debt on graduation, and also there’s not nearly enough regimentation to college life to prevent him from rotting in bed paralyzed by “oh my god i don’t have Responsibilities That Need To Be Done Right Now for the first time in forever and idk what to do now” and executive dysfunction. went through basic and stationed on the doomed outpost. That Whole Thing (a polite way of saying “sneaking off for a nap on duty, sleeping through a massacre, and waking up to find literally everyone else dead”) was the nail in the coffin that pretty much shot his last shred of motivation and hope to shit, and based on his behaviour and psych eval afterwards (best summarized as “learned helplessness that everything is shit always and he’s useless and never gonna be able to help anyone so 👍 fuck everything fuck everyone just try to eke some hedonistic joy out of life before you die”) he was reassigned to the sim soldiers.

meanwhile simmons tried to do university several times and had to drop out for mental health reasons (a very polite way of putting “rapid spiral into absolute disaster every time”. it leaves room for giving him the benefit of the doubt that this was a proactive “ah i should take care of myself and this is not working for me :) #selfcare #therapy” decision. this is not benefit of the doubt that anyone who knows him would extend.).

I go back and forth on whether to roll with the “that one throwaway line with a suspiciously specific hypothetical of being in a unit that was stranded and had to eat their dog to survive” thing or just say he was assigned straight to sim troopers. on the one hand, i really love grif and simmons having a parallel immensely traumatic first assignment that made them both Worse in kinda similar kinda opposite ways in line with the ways they were each already fucked up

(grif “life is inherently a garbage fire. i am useless. all i can do is look out for myself and save my own hide by absolute never trusting any authority, refusing to get attached to the other fuckers around here (they’d hate me anyways so just let them hate me), and obsessively hoarding any access to food and shelter and comfort because Maslow said I can’t work on health or belonging or esteem until i do :/ yeah i know, sorry, i’ve got a doctor’s note from him right here.” vs simmons “my life is a garbage fire probably because everyone around me is an idiot fucking something up but also because i’m not trying hard enough. i’m sure if i keep Performing The Maladaptive Behaviours even harder they will work and i THEN will feel respected and powerful and loved. you see you just have to keep repressing every feeling so you can suck up to anyone you detect a whiff of Authority Figure on no matter how little you actually respect them, and follow EVERY RULE and work and work and work. and you had better abandon any compunctions about things like eating a dog you loved or backstabbing a friend for brownie points from the CO who hates him or Literally Murdering your CO for a promotion. and if you ever stop desperately trying, fighting dirty looking out just for yourself, and instead just sit still for a moment and enjoy sincere zero-ulterior-motives connections with people, you will probably definitely immediately die of starvation or exposure (it is a metaphor you see. of exposure to the elements while stranded without resources. for the agonizing exposure of allowing yourself to be known.)”)

on the other hand i’m like whoa now. this boy’s got enough problems we really don’t need to be giving him any more or we’re really never gonna pry him free of the woobiefication fics.

[fluffybutt-7]

Hi Fluff,

Looking super cute and cuddly 😊

I have a question for you. I'm a lifelong skinny guy (I used to weigh 130 lbs at 5'11") who finally made his way up to 220 lbs. And I had absolutely no intentions of stopping before 300 lbs. I was happier with my body than I'd ever been.

Unfortunately I got really bad reflux/GERD which still plagues me every morning, to the point that I have no appetite for half of the day and even throw up a little almost every day.

I tried some medication (pantoprazole) which works great, but it's not something I want to take forever because it's not without risks or side effects either.

Now I'm wondering where I should draw the line. Throughout the day I keep flip flopping (gain, lose, gain, lose) depending on my stomach, and it's frustrating. So now I've been hovering around 200 lbs for a while.

You've posted about medical issues before so I wanted to know your thoughts and reflections on topics like these.

Thank you so much ❤️

Hey there!! Thank you so much 🥰🙈 Been feeling nice and fluffy lately:3

So, I will preface this with I am not a medical professional at all, and to definitely talk with your doctor about different treatment options that would allow you to get back to eating the things you like. :) Now then, let’s begin…

Honestly, that line depends on each person. And it can change with the same person over time! Gaining and feederism are lifestyle fetishes that unfortunately come with some inherent risks that we all have to wrestle with at times. You are not alone, and whatever you feel about those risks is valid. Period. I’m currently taking pantoprazole, actually, and am going to try getting off of it because yes, it can really fuck up your body long term. Which my doctors didn’t tell me and have been having me take it since fucking September, but anyhoo. 🙃🥲

But I’m right there with you - being in this blubbery, overfed body has made me happier than anything else. I’m so much happier and feel more “at home” in this body compared to when I was 145lbs. We deserve to do the things that bring us joy and fulfillment, and medicine can help us achieve those things. To me, it’s worth it. I see my insulin and my blood pressure medication as tools to help me live the lifestyle I want. Would everyone feel that way? No. And that’s okay! Each of us are on our own journey in life and gaining, and we get to decide what that journey looks like. Not rando feeders telling us what to eat, not our followers (love you guys tho), us. We get to decide. It’s not something to decide lightly, and I can tell you’ve already put a lot of thought into it. But ultimately, where you draw that line is up to you. Talk to your doctor about different treatment options for reflux and GERD (I know I’m going to have to have that conversation with mine, too), and most importantly, listen to your body. You do not have to gain 24/7 to be a “real gainer”. You wanna get fatter? That brings you joy and gratification? Then you’re a gainer, period. It’s inside us - and it doesn’t go away overnight.

I hope my rambling was able to provide some food for thought and some resolve, and know that no matter what you decide to do, you’ve made amazing progress and you’ll always be a gainer in my eyes.

Take care, reach out when/if you need to, and I hope you’re having a fabulous holiday season. ❤️

[capraeclown]

for those not in the know

「 hello hello everybody. i know i've been offline for *checks watch* seven months now, but i just recently learned of a certain manipulative, predatory, and downright deranged person who's slinking about on Tumblr after getting ostracized from twitter (again) for being a rather shitty person (AGAIN) 」 「 so while i hate being a drama llama, this is an official call out post directed at Eden/Buttons/Kirby. 」

「 i want to preface this that while i, myself, have not had any personal problems with them i was on the HH twitter verse long enough to see all of the discourse they created by being an unreasonable and unpredictable person. 」 「 and i recognize that Kirby suffers from severe mental illness and trauma, and i do feel sympathy for him in that case. however, one's mental illness never justifies mistreating others. so my empathy is rather short lived. now that that's out of the way... 」 「 while on Twitter Kirby has raked up quite a bit of bad karma, including (but not limited to) - attempting to make an OC based on a Nazi Doctor who really existed during the Holocaust and got upset that others in his server were upset with HIM for making it - calling a minor the n-word hard r twice - harassed any and every Alastor RPer they came in contact with into not only writing with them, but shipping with them, and would have a meltdown if told "i'm not really feeling it" and this isn't even ALL of it, just what i can remember off the top of my head. unfortunately i don't personally have any screenshots AT THE MOMENT of these encounters but i'll work on getting those soon. 」 「 what i do have, however, are two videos that concerned internet presences felt the need to make to warn others of Kirby's shitty behavior. so at the very least i'll include those below. 」 「 i don't doubt Kirby's experiences of being abused and mistreated by the people he was supposed to rely on in life. however, again, it DOES NOT give him the excuse to mistreat others. and it certainly doesn't give him a free pass to play the perpetual victim in every singular conflict he ever finds himself in. (which, he has admitted before, he "keeps having the same problems with people over and over again." so that should say something. 」 「 like i said, i hate doing this because i know its not a good look. but i feel an obligation to make Tumblr informed of this true wolf in sheep's clothing... 」 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2qoyYg00FA https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6Gex_P3Wpc 「 all i can say to all of you is be safe, be careful and be good to one another. 」

[fandoms-of-a-random-existence]

Is this that thing that you like? (/j but also where would I be able to find it it looks interesting)

FSJFHSKFJSKHH I-

okay I will admit i was not expecting anyone to ask but holy shit/pos

Okay, so confession time, Kings in the Corner is actually a closed discord ARG that is actually on hiatus right now because of IRL things, however the mods decided to leave it as a sandbox for the players and we have steadily been descending into madness and brainrot (dreamscapes arc my beloved)

And so, I don't actually remember how we got on the topic but eventually a bunch of us came to the conclusion "being insane about the blorbos on the discord isn't enough, we need to subject the rest of the world to our brainrot, what if we posted on tumblr like it was an actual fandom with no context" and well I am giving context now but shhh don't worry about it sorry I took so long to reply, I just. there's so much...this is gonna be long- anyways since there really isn't any way to get kitc content besides the players brainrot spilling over, here~! (apologies for the way this is. not likely all that comprehensible)

The basic plot is you/your character has been invited to the Kingdom in the Four Corners where we have a King, Queen, and Jack for each card suit, and each player is/was assigned a suit based off of your vibes, and later on, just got shunted into diamonds due to the uh. tragedies. Anyways! Because of the way the invitation works, all the characters have the potential to be from different worlds and universes which has led to the colorful cast of characters including [looks at notes]

-Fallen London OC

-Twisted Wonderland OC

-An actual Warriorcat

-Doctor Who x the Beatles OC

-Charas from players own original worlds <3

-The personification of healing from grief who is also from pathologic now

-AND FUCKING HOMESTUCKED

All I really have to say about the last one is don't take any orange pills the Jokers give you. (The Jokers are... actually I should preface this with the information none of us take drugs irl, but they are the closest thing to medical doctors we've got so uh, if you want to take some joker drugs to get a funky hallucination to learn more details about the rebellion/experience the previous Ace's executions for yourself as a side effect for your stomach ache, well are they they guys you wanna see! Apparently Jokers start their training at age 10 and it's very fucked up and also there are domestic and feral jokers??? I am concerned.)

Honestly so much has happened in a relatively short period of time I don't think I could summarize all the important bits but some of the highlights so far include: -The Bitchless Allegations: King Dani of Diamonds (Incredibly Bitchless, the Universe told me-) accosted a group of candidates (Ash, Hugo(ne), Raevyn, and Riyo iirc) who proceeded to get his ass. He stabbed Hugo in retaliation with his fancy magic sword that he shouldn't have even really had, Hugo was spitting up red jewels for a while, and almost died. All Spades got free access to Diamonds tower though so uh,,, winning I guess??

-There was a bit more lore in the interim and some puzzled solved but to be honest I don't remember much-

-The Bear.

-Also the Hearts' resident gays Salem and Luci (Saluci beloved <3) (admittedly not together yet) hatched a plot to fake a fight so the could befriend everyone despite the wild and horrific state of relationships between the candidates. They fucked it up. Luci and Riyo's friendship will never return. Esp after the Hugone incident-

(And oh yeah, Riyo punched Luci at one point, breaking her face revealing the fact she's an artificial being made of porcelain and some sort of magical energy and I may be getting the lore wrong but she's so cool-)(Salem helped patch up the hole in her face with a pretty glass mosaic and waaaaa)

-At one point the 8 year old Diamond, and 11 year old Club stood on each others shoulders wearing a trench coat and called themselves "Painsley" (Paeden-Ainsley) to try and get joker drugs. They failed and only got glitter, and it was hilarious

-Olive the scientists experiments with almond water, I genuinely have no recollection of the details alas, but i have been told it was very neat and was unknowable by science. Also he got an entire almond out of it.

-One of the Most Days Ever: our small 8 year old boy made of clay had been recently possessed by a 45 yr old catholic man, who, while he was cooperative at first in helping getting Paeden back, soon realized if this went through he'd die, and so he ran off into the woods after burning the notes, and so candidates were sent to chase after him. It. Did not go well. (while the chasing him down and catching him went quite well, after the catching... not so good)

+There is a dice mechanic for certain actions, and uh. well. Two people rolled to toss knives (and like. intimidation. slight limb removal. he'd already reattached an arm, it would have been fineeeee aha) at Frankenpaeden, and both rolled nat 1s. Bye bye clay boy </3

(Knife to the head </3. Dw Salem resurrected him later on via sacrificing a bit of vasts life force and the boy is back!)

+But it doesn't end there! Oh no! That'd be too simple! Good ol' Queen Dorset of Diamonds himself (the grandmilf in the flesh) who originally sent the candidates out, tells them to head back to the castle and not leave their towers for the rest of the night. He then proceeds to head to the cave in the woods where one of the former candidates (who withdrew to go and become a Joker, changed his name and everything, incidentally also one of the people most attached to the now dead small child) was busy having visions in his emo cave. They did joker drugs mixed with bits of clay from the boy's body to try and bring him back, and well. They did not bring him back. Also Kane/Jahan rolled a 100 on the d100 for the joker drugs, becoming immortal and also insane and kinda possessed by the universe. The player may have left the server, but the guy is apparently still in a joker larvae stage in one of the cupboards. The life cycle of Jokers is deranged (i want to say affectionate but. man)

+if you thought the night's insanity ended there, you'd be wrong! Meanwhile with the candidates, they're all handling the death of the small child in very different ways! Ash, for example, the actual killer? No remorse whatsoever, a simple "Oops," vs Riyo who is very traumatized by all of this, Hugo's who's a little manic about it, and Raevyn, who for context is a and inherently tragic sort of character who literally cannot feel emotions past a certain threshold otherwise their biology fucks them over and purges it, is making smores up in the rafters, and Luci cannot believe these people, "A child has just died-!"

+Oh my god this next bit needs even more context, but up until this point Raevyn and Hugo have been in a very fucked up twin relationship despite not actually being related where Hugo is unhealthily codependent and Raevyn is simply incapable of returning the trust. The players had a cool plot in the works with lots of dominos that were half set up, what with Hugo using a machine from the future to turn his emotions into rocks so he didn't have to deal with them, and eating rocks made from Raevyn's emotions in an effort to be closer to them. Unfortunately, the partially set up dominos fell fast and in wrong directions.

+So anyways, Luci, already having negative feelings toward Hugo, who admittedly doesn't like her either, takes out her own feelings on Hugo along the lines of "What the fuck is wrong with you, eating smores so happily while a child has just DIED, what the fuck, you just stood around giggling as Riyo had a breakdown in the woods!" and then it devolved into a "I had to make sure Raevyn was okay" "OH, FINE job of that you've been doing! Do you know about their breakdown from two days ago? Would you care? Or do you plan on just shoving all your feelings into pebbles and never thinking about any of it again" and one thing leads to another, Hugo devolves into self hate and starts lashing out, accidentally ripping Raevyn's worldview out from under them, and now instead of 1 imminent mental breakdown, we have 2.

+Long story short, things get fucked up, lore is surprisingly hard to summarize, uh, Hugo eventually does die, Raevyn biology hijacks the way they can't feel emotions and shunts the Hugo(ne) memories in that hole and so now they have Hugo-specific amnesia, and the Hugo is replaced by another time travelling version of himself (Newgo).

(It. it sure was a day.)

-And so! The next day dawns! "Man," we think to ourselves, "Yesterday sure was wild! I hope nothing too wild happens today so we can process everything!" and then Otterson takes an orange pill from one of the Jokers and gets turned into a Homestuck troll, via hallucinated autocanabalism. I sure wish I was making this up-

(I was in vc when this was going down. Cannot coherently explain the mixture of emotions I felt that day.)

-So now Otterson is a troll! Who eats glass! The glass bit is now a very important part of their character, much in the same way Riyo is pals with The Bear, Raevyn is the Bearer of Baked Goods, and Diego is our four-eyed forest friend who brough mud into Club Tower to sleep in.

+She breaks into all of the towers except Spades to eat their windows, only thwarted by Raevyn bribing it with homemade stained glass so as to not eat the very cool stained glass windows that Spades Tower has.

+Fellow Club, eldritch forest being Diego, is interested in this window-eating endeavor, and the two of them put on silly hats and become "Jeff" and "Codeline Sealson," very impressive window inspectors!

+Having wised to "Jeff's" tricks, it is especially funny when Otterson comes in, rolls a high enough persuasion, causing Luci to believe that Otterson has indeed gone to window-school, and is actually quite experienced in these issues!

+Anyways it turns out there was a gas leak in Clubs Tower. Classic KitC /hj +I also want to share the glory that were the matched statuses from that day:

-as a Raevyn with wings i speak for the birds. please don't eat our windows </3

-gasleak gatekeep girlboss

-gasleak glassbreak, gayboss.

-i have pelicans in my brain (also, why is there So Much Glass in the courtyard???)

-Out of sight, out of mind, What windows?

-windows ar3 sooooo tast3y!!!! >:)!!!

-[Looking over at the from afar.] Clubs are getting carbon monoxide poisoning?

-So! Sideplot time! Raevyn, Newgo, and Otterson are all down bad for one of their respective royalties, Queen September of Spades, King Shams of Spades, and King Caius of Clubs. Otterson seduces Caius with pipebombs, gifts of rat-children, and simply by being herself. Caius is captivated by her cowtroll swag. Hugo fails miserably by playing into Shams insecurities. Raevyn's crush never gets off the ground due to a mixture of denial, and also the mod in charge of September's tupper being very busy. Otterson is the sole winner!! Royal Romancers you were such fun up until the hiatus was announced </3

-Oh yeah Otterson also set a bunch of bear traps out once. It was great, even if none of the character appreciated it. She also got caught in one of her own traps fhdjfhdskfhs

-other fun things to note, there are a lot of animal companions, The Bear, which is actually an unfathomable eldritch creature who knows everything and likes baked goods (although it does seem to have gotten a taste for meat recently... goddamn it ottey/j) Ollie the mouse <3 who was orignally gifted to Luci, but she couldn't keep it bc Salem's raven Omen, technically a part of themself, would have eaten Ollie, so Ollie lives in Spades Tower with Page now. There is also a tiny cat-shaped fluffball named Acheron who goes by "Ghost," bc he's a bitch and hates everyone and only lets Raevyn know its name. Not actually a cat, but who really knows what they are. There is also some funky magic dog named Charon who is attached to and protects Otterson, and has a very charged hatred and rivalry with Acheron, it's very funny. Olive also build an android spider who became sentient an unionized <3 love to see it <3 Arsenic my beloved <3

-dreamscapes arc <3

-Now that the server has been placed on hiatus, the players were given free reign. I do wonder if the Universe (the mods) hide in fear of what they have inadvertently created- And so now it's time to bring in the other ocs~! Starting with Zoran my beloved, Luci's wretched brother the dreamwalker <3 (Entertainingly, ae was teased during a previous Luci-Raevyn conversation, where Raevyn promised they'd run aer over with their motorcycle if he ever showed up. Unfortunately for Luci, Raeven and Zoran have since developed a gay relationship. I and Raevyn are regularly bullied for our bad taste, as though it's not all going to go spiraling anyways smh /hj)

"zoran is great because for the first hour of knowing him aes charming and funny and normal and then out of left field he says some shit like “it’s not MY fault her best friend got stabbed. idk why luci was so upset about it” and your like Oh. Bastard." -quote from kitc server

+Salem, our eldritch bird person who is also the personification of healing from grief and has some powers over dreams is visited by this silly little gayass who judges the forest, and then kidnaps Salem via dream to meet his mother, the evil mad scientist dr. milf /j (please I don't want to call her that why must everyone continue saying it-) who tries to experiment on vast, but is thwarted by Salem being cool and having dream powers. Justified grudge against Zoran is held. +Meanwhile~! Little gayboy is off having fun and poking around other people's dreams, goes around causing mayhem and eats glass with Otterson, visits a cool tea house with Hugo, gets lots of enrichment from Raevyn's unhinged dreamscape with a alice in wonderlandesque chase scene, and a fancy tea party where they are attacked by a giant monster and card soldiers, and then take him to see the wishing tree. They also give aer the crown from the monster they defeated before waking up. gay people <3

+And so Zoran returns to visit Salem, where ae is promptly cursed to feel all the grief he's ever caused via doing his mother's dirty work and killing a lot of people. I should also mention he feels no remorse and is just kinda like "You gotta do what you gotta do, people die all the time." Salem fucking hates him. Sorry gayboy, welcome to The Horrors. It will not get better for you from here.

+Anyways so now Zoran is utterly haunted by The Horrors (Grief) and in aer efforts to ignore it, he goes off to hang out in dreams. He visits Otterson, and ae ends up finding out a little too much about their trauma, and she is not thrilled. He also is a bitch who is far too blasé about the corpse of her son he finds in the dreamscape. He is evicted from the premises.

+He then visits Olive the scientists dream! Finally someone who is normal about death! There is very cool floral imagery growing from the body of an unkillable patient. It's so cool

+Zoran's ass gets kicked by the personification of creation and art, physically (got yoinked out of the mirror) and also psychologically. Rip little gayboy you really are suffering The Horrors.

+Afterwards he visits Raevyn dreams once again, to fulfil their promises of stealing another crown so the two of them could match, there are so many fun visuals I'm so sorry I can't just show them all, but commit crime and theft in fancy outfits and they dance again, but the roles are switched from the tea party where Zoran dipped Raevyn, and now Raevyn's the one spinning aer around, I am so normal about Raeran I promise- So they get the crown, Zoran places it on Raevyn's head the way they did the same for him previously, and then that one wakes up, leaving Zoran along </3

+Soothed slightly from Eminence-induced horrors, Zoran visits Hugo again! But instead of a nice little tea shop, welcome to a warped coliseum where you get to watch a twisted memory from the shade of Hugone! For context, the memory was Hugone and Raevyn having to fight "to the death" (planning on faking it, bc of Raevyn's regenerative ability) to escape this planet they were stuck on, but as is the way with dreams, things get a little fuzzy around the edges, and the Hugo in the arena ends up graphically murdering Dream!Raevyn. Good lord poor gayboy, so sorry about you having to witness this- Newgo also ends up losing lucidity, and ends up in Hugone's place, where the Raevyn's corpse comes alive in a nightmarish way and rips his heart out. Newgo takes this very well, and calls the actual Raevyn a heartless bitch in responce. The twins are not okay.

+So now Zoran is really just out here having a time, huh? Honestly I tend to forget how terrible he is simply bc he's just out here taking L after L, but now he's poking around the mirrors and he mimics Page's reflection but moves differently, and scares Page. Admittedly it is not hard to scare Page, but still. Zoran is captivated by Ollie the mouse who hates him <3 what can I say the animals hate his vibes. During this, Page inadvertently gives Zoran a link to the world of kitc so he can come out of the mirrors in the form of a rubber ball... whoops? Dw Zoran does not have the time to use this power for evil, busy as ae is with The Horrors +Zoran then facilitates a shared dreamscape between Otterson, Hugo, Raevyn, and also Otterson's recently mentioned cousin Bunnyman. Hugo and Bunnyman spend the dream flirting via eating grenades and blowing up castles. Raevyn and Zoran spend the dream flirting via eating lit grenades and also liquid stardust. Turns out that stardust was the real deal aha and now Raevyn's biology has integrated it and so that one has glowing freckles and their hair is starting to be streaked a glowing white. There are more consequences that are yet to be seen. Poor Otterson spends the dream sad and alone as the 5th wheel </3

+Time again for Zoran to visit the waking world! Luci has learned about her wretched brother visiting and Is Not Happy About It. She heard through the grapevine her good friend Raevyn who is kind and desperately needs help, is friends with Zoran. And also likes him. If she hadn't already been one of the main receivers of Raevyn lore she'd probably be wondering what on earth happened in that one's life for them to like Zoran. Unfortunately, she's got a pretty good idea.

+It's through her that Page learns he's given Zoran a link to the waking world, and he freaks out, and manages to trick the ball out of Zoran's grasp, by suggesting a game of catch. Special catch... Where you catch the ball in your mouth. By some miracle, he manages to catch the ball, and then sprints away, before immediately getting caught by one of Otterson's bear traps. Rip.

+It's also fun to note that all of Page's effort was for naught, as Raevyn, horrified by the knowledge Zoran hasn't ever really eaten sweets, living mostly in mirrors and eating dream food as ae does, and bakes up a storm in the kitchen, actively using themself as an anchor to get aer out of the mirror, before feeding him many baked goods and decorating a cake together in a very gay way, before Luci crashes the part, physically drags Raevyn away, and shoos Zoran back into the mirror. you go girlboss

+Zoran's back to dreamwalking again, there's a shared dreamscape between Otterson and Roulx, resident Ghost who is unaware of that fact, and also Eminence is there. He is sunk into the ground bc no one there likes him </3 +oh yeah he also visited an Eminence dream at one point and got owned again (dropped in a void) I admit I am focusing a lot on Zoran here but also man. Ae's got his fingers into almost every pie, and also all of them are hitting him right in the face

+So let's take a break from Zoran for a bit, Salem and Luci are very cute and very gay together, and now that the divorce arc is over (wait did i mention divorce arc??? fuck i'm tired it's fine just know that it happened) they're on their engagement arc! Otterson enables and also helps get the ring for Salem, Raevyn helps Salem pick out an outfit for proposal date, and then!! Saluci proposal!!! Gay people <3

-There's another Raeran dream <3 They get to go see a bit of Raevyn's past, there is a teaser to the upcoming events where those two will venture into the depths of Raevyn's trauma to hopefully help undo all the damage and make it so they can access their emotions again, Zoran triggers a pop-up event and gets kidnapped and Raevyn goes and saves him <3 They have another cool fight scene, and then,,,,, and then,,,,, The Horrors start to catch up to Zoran and we get the dialogue: "You should go. I'm- [he laughs] I'm fine, really!! There's got to be more fun things for you to do than this!! I wouldn't to keep you waiting!" "My dear 'Ran, it's you that makes the adventures fun [Ae can tell that they mean it sincerely] I'm happy to wait with you as long as you need" (I am so normal about Raeran I promise, so so normal-) +okay man so it's been hours and I'm tired so we're gonna go a little faster, but Zoran visits more dreams, meets the Hugo family, and then stumbles into Otterson's dreams and makes. all the wrong decisions. and accidentally kills Otterson bc he was told if he killed this [Otterson first name reveal] ae'd get to know where Otterson was, and also she looked the way she did when she was human, and not homestucked. So yeah, he goes to apologise IRL and is vibed checked by Charon the magical dog, who Zoran thinks is a cat. I will never get over that/pos +Charon hates him. Zoran's terrible vibes continue to annoy the animal companions <3 Oh yeah and I think Page bit Zoran around this time as well- +But anyways! Meanwhile, with Saluci, everything was going a little too well and the evil writers couldn't have that! So uh whoops, Luci's memories of Salem have been stolen, just as she once warned could happen.... time to go track down the little gayboy and threaten him until ae spills the beans ig

+Salem uses dream powers to go mucking around looking for Zoran with Luci, and they eventually find him in Raevyn's dream, doing some very gay flirt-sparring. Raevyn's taste is once again insulted, and Zoran is dreamnapped from their arms.

+Salem then proceeds to torture Zoran with the grief curse in hopes to get aer to give back the memories. It doesn't work, but hey! Luci was into it! Salem is morally opposed but too gay to care. Anyways, seeing as how this isn't going to work, Luci kills Zoran, the third Luci sibling shows up, and they work out a deal to get Luci's memories back in exchange for a favor from Salem. The gay people are back in action!! Rip to Zoran though ae's just Not Having A Good Time, and it'll only get worse!

+So you've just been killed, and now you want to go hang out with a friend in their dreams! Well, sorry gayboy but you really picked the wrong friend.... Zoran back to making the wrong choices in Ottey dreams, culminating in Otterson fucking losing it/pos and eating him alive, which is neat bc as an artificial being the squishy insides as a result of aer being bound by the dreamscape was very cool and evocative,,,, Anyways his death summons the third of the sibling Kier again, who calls him cringe as he's picking back up the body to be repaired, again, who Otterson promptly flirts with over Zoran's dead body. Zoran is naturally offended by this and complains to Raevyn later on. "She murdered me. Utterly ruined my outfit with blood. Ate a bit my face, too. And worst of all!!! I think she was hitting on Kier!!! Over my dead body!!"

+But yeah! It's finally time for the regularly scheduled break from The Horrors! Welcome to Raevyn's very cool masquerade dream~! More delightful imagery, I can't stop thinking about the color coordination of Raeran, Raevyn with their white and lavender ombre dress and silver mask contrasting to black hair, vs Zoran white hair, black mask, black and dark purple suit and cape and WAH

(I'm sorry that i don't have the energy to go into it rn, but they're so narratively compatible and their motifs and outlooks fit so well and they make me insane)

But so that's more or less how it's going in kitc-verse! I'd apologise about the info dump but I'm afraid I'm not actually too sorry about it, and the brainrot has me by the throat, I can't wait to see how all the things unfold Hope you enjoyed the un-asked for infodump in exchange for the tragic news kitc is not actually a piece of consumable media no matter how much I wish it was!

[thru-the-looking-glass-caroline]

I hate when people ask when I am having kids [it's complicated]

⚠️Preface/warning: the content of this post will touch on issues having to do with infertility and having or not having children so if that is a sensitive or upsetting topic for you I would ask that you please take care of yourself and do not continue reading this. And as always I want to be clear I am not a doctor or nurse or mental health professional so everything posted here is purely my experience and opinions with the input of people I know personally and from doctors and therapists I see currently or have seen before. I do some research on my own but again I have no degree! You've been warned ⚠️

Some of you might be aware if you follow my main Tumblr page that on April 2, 2024 my sister in law, Caitlyn and my brother Liam welcomed their daughter and son into the world (they are twins). I can't tell you how much my niece Marley and nephew Pressley mean to me...they are so loved by the entire family! With the joy of the new additions to the family comes well-meaning (for the most part) people who use the opportunity to ask when am I having kids and when I say simply that I am not having kids because I don't want to people like to almost argue with me to get me to change my answer. Now, is it true that I don't want kids? Yes, from the time I was a little girl I knew I did not want to be a mom and that has not ever changed. I think 'I don't want to' should be reason enough but what many don't understand is there are many reasons for me not having kids...

I am not and can not have kids because I am completely infertile/sterile. Anorexia and orthorexia caused a lot of damage to my body. I struggled with these eating disorders from about the age of 6 or 7 all the way until I was 15. I am 18 now and have not ever had a period. my reproductive organs are, for lack of a better word, broken. They called it quits. It is doctor confirmed that I can not have children. I think this is a big reason why broaching the topic of children with women should be a topic left for the woman to bring up because infertility is very difficult for women. There are so many woman who struggle with the desire for children but are not able to have them. I wish infertility only happened to someone such as myself who already didn't want kids of her own. I hope if you are reading this and struggle with infertility you know how much I would like to take that for you so that you could have the children you want!

My health issues also would make it very risky for me and baby if I were able to get pregnant. I have hyperthyroidism and malabsorption syndrome and among other things that means my body does not process and absorb nutrients correctly. With out medication I could eat and eat and still literally waste away and die of starvation. Pregnancy poses a huge risk because my body would then need to also provide nutrition to baby and odds are me and baby both would become extremely ill, malnourished, and vitamin and mineral deficient and one or both of us could die. There is also the issue of medication that complicates things if I were able to get pregnant. At least one of my thyroid medications I could not take while pregnant and my heart medication I would not be able to take while pregnant. I simply would not survive without the medication and therefore I can not have kids.

The final reason is a lot to do with my mental health and how that effects my relationships. To put it simply I struggle with relationships of any kind. I struggle with showing and expressing affection of any kind. This is at least in part because of my struggle with reactive attachment disorder and post traumatic stress disorder. I am better in relationships with my parents, brothers, my aunt and 2 cousins than I use to be and that was after a lot of work and treatment and family therapy and home visits and all kinds of things. I do not want to bring an innocent child in to the world and potentially mentally and emotionally harm them because I don't connect well and I don't show affection. A child deserves parents who nurture and hug and love and adore them. I am not the kind of person that could consistently give those things to a child...it sounds horrible and I work and receive therapy and support to continue to improve these issues but that is where I am at. I'm NOT saying that everyone with reactive attachment disorder or PTSD is unfit to be a mother or parent. I am only saying that for me and me alone I don't think I would be the mother a child deserves.

So there you have it...

Those are, in short, my reasons for not having kids but again I feel like I don't want kids should be reason enough. It really gets under my skin when I tell people I am not having kids because I don't want them and they say "oh you'll regret not having kids when you're older." Or "Don't you want to give grand babies to your parents?" And "Oh but don't you want to be a mom?" As if my gender and being female means I simply can't be happy or live a full filling life if I don't have kids. What if I went around telling pregnant women "you'll regret having kids when you're older" simply because I personally don't want them? That would be terrible, rude and insensitive right? So why should the opposite be acceptable? Guess what? My parents are totally fine with the fact that I won't be giving them any grand children... it's fine.

Anyway I am sorry if this is a little bit more like me ranting because I don't believe people have any bad intentions in asking me and making some comments. My heart goes out to anyone who does want children and struggles with infertility...I so wish I could take that for you. I hope this post didn't cross the line...I am not trying to upset anyone at all!

Thanks for hearing me out.