#i shouldn't have spent 2 hours writing this post!!!

[noiriarti]

The Winner Takes it All: Anakin Skywalker x Reader (Enemies-to-Lovers Modern AU) | Chapter 2

NSFW! Minors DNI!!! Summary: The moment the thesis competition was announced, you knew your biggest threat. Anakin Skywalker, golden boy of the engineering department. He's the only other person smart enough to beat you, and the only other person insane enough to stay in the lab until midnight every night. He's also an asshole, but you're starting to think maybe he's not as bad as you thought he was... Pairing: Anakin Skywalker x Fem!Reader CW: mentions of masturbation WC: 6.9k AN: hehehehehe this chapter was so much fun to write and i fear i have added a bit of a plot to this pwp fic. next chapter will get even wilder! as always, asks and requests open <3

Ch. 1, [Ch. 2], Ch. 3, Ch. 4, Ch. 5, Ch. 6

Chapter 2: Testing

Anakin stumbled to his room on unsteady feet. When he entered, it was 1:43 am, but he had never felt more awake. He couldn't have slept even if he had wanted to, because you were haunting him. The wood of his door as he unlocked it felt like the lab bench under his fingers. His lips felt phantom kisses from you. Your angry voice echoed in the creak of the hinges. His pillows were soft like your clothes, like your skin.

The more he thought about it, the harder he got, which he wasn't sure was possible, really. His cock was pressing against his jeans so hard that he was relatively certain he could get off just by thrusting into the material a few times. Anakin rocked his hips experimentally against the rough material, and a shiver of pleasure ran down his spine. Jesus. He was definitely sensitive enough to cum like that. But he shouldn't. He really, really shouldn't. It would be weird and creepy, when you told him you didn't want to do more of this. He shouldn't. He resolved to sleep it off, but found sleep was still evading him about an hour later when he lay awake in bed. Fuck my life. Fine. If he was going to be up, he might as well get some work done. So, he spent the night typing at his desk, which he distinctly had to try not to imagine kissing you against.

Anakin didn't hate you. Far from it. Okay, maybe not that far from it. But if he hated you, he something-else-ed you with equal measure. He just wasn't sure what that something else was. Did he like you? This wasn't like any crush he had before. You were so rude sometimes, but he would snap right back, and then escalate. Anakin didn't love that personality trait in himself, but it came out in spades around you. In freshman year, your name on the posted top homework of the week was exhilarating. Finally, some competition. Someone who loved engineering as much as he did. Someone who understood the fire that got him out of his backwater town and into the world. Then he met you, and that exhilaration turned a thousand times stronger. You weren't just a peer, you were a challenge. Every jab you threw at him, every time your bot would beat his in the traditional end-of-year tournament, he'd feel like he was suddenly on fire, electricity shocking through his very being. It was the same feeling he chased in taekwondo, that edge where he wasn't sure if he'd win, but he was so, so close. It was easier to interpret it as anger, as hatred, as fuel.

Even though he thought you could be a know-it-all, he had to admit that he always had a sort of begrudging respect toward you. You worked on a group project together, three times, once per year on average, and he could consistently rely on the fact that you'd never be a slacker. Others on the team would sometimes ghost, which annoyed you both in equal measure. The two of you would butt heads over what to do in the projects, but you were always 100% dedicated. He respected it about you, even if you were critical of his admittedly shoddy handwriting or the logical jumps in his proofs.

By senior year, he was unknowingly nursing what could affectionately be called a crush, though it was masked under layers and layers of frustration and competition and anger. Anakin wasn't very self aware, but it was beginning to dawn on even him that, perhaps, he liked you. There were several signs. Late nights in the lab were torture for him. He'd sit there, trying to focus on something, anything, but he kept seeing that piece of hair that fell into your face when you bent over your bench and your deft hands wiring capacitors. Sometimes, when you passed him and he caught a whiff of your smell, his heart would speed up. When he heard your voice in class, he would start smiling. It was honestly kind of embarrassing.

In retrospect, it was surprising he hadn't broken and kissed you earlier. But, now that he had, all he could think about was kissing you again. As he sat at his desk thinking, the next steps for his thesis slipped through his hands like grains of sand. At practice the next afternoon, his technique was sloppy, which his teammates riffed on endlessly. In class, the professor could have said the secret to traveling faster than light, and it would have gone in one of Anakin's ears and out the other.

You had said it couldn't happen. Why? Did he do something wrong? At the time, he was clouded with arousal, joy, and exhilaration, so he didn't ask any questions, just agreed mindlessly, but your statement was haunting him. We shouldn't do this again. Why not? His body was screaming for it, at the very least, and so was his heart, but he chose to ignore that.

Anakin was pondering this issue over a piece of tech for the Jinn lab, where he worked part-time during the semester, when Obi-Wan walked in and headed straight for him. Though Obi-Wan was technically his supervisor, being a third-year graduate student advised by Professor Jinn, Anakin considered him a friend. Though he was usually pretty serious, Obi-Wan appeared thoroughly amused today and looked a bit like the cat who got the cream.

"Anakin," Obi-Wan said by way of greeting as he passed by his chair.

"What's up?" Anakin asked as he tried to get a particularly annoying screw tightened.

"Were you in the thesis lab last night?" Yes, he was, in fact. He was making out with you, but he didn't need to mention that.

"Yeah, working on some hardware for my next prototype, why?" Obi-Wan's smile spread further, if possible.

"Did you know there's cameras?" The blood froze in Anakin's veins. The suggestion in his voice was unmistakable.

"What?" His voice came out like a whisper.

"Good thing you were simply working on your prototype. You should warn other students to take… dalliances elsewhere," Obi-Wan said, winking.

"I-um-fuck--I." The words died on Anakin's tongue. Holy fucking shit. "I didn't see cameras."

"They're small. Qui-Gon had me install them this year. Nevertheless, things happen," Obi-Wan said, pausing, then quickly added, "Good luck." Obi-Wan patted Anakin on the shoulder and walked into his office in the back of the lab, leaving Anakin frozen in his chair.

Later that evening, once he'd worked (read: sat in shock) for four hours at the Jinn lab, finished two assignments for his gened, and led a practice for the TKD team, Anakin dragged his tired ass to the thesis lab. He was still restless since Obi-Wan's revelation. There was a video of the two of you, and he found himself wondering more than a few times if he could get it. For safekeeping, of course. No other reason.

He nodded at Barriss, who was on her way out, on complete autopilot. Seems she's getting in gear for the competition, he would have thought had he been mentally present in the slightest. He was the only one in the lab, a relief considering the fact that all his brain cells tended to leave the building as soon as you were near him, so he could get some work done. Get some tests in, make some actual progress. Maybe he could even pull a win on the competition, if not just an A on his thesis. He'd written some code during thermo lecture that he loaded onto an Arduino, turning over the device and its sharp pins in his fingers before disconnecting it from his laptop and shoving it into a breadboard. It looked ugly, clunky, and inelegant, but it was just a temporary setup for the test run before he attached the Arduino to the current motherboard. Sometime midway through the code running, the door to the lab clacked open.

It was you. Who else would arrive to the lab at 8pm? You looked gorgeous today, which hit Anakin like a punch to the gut. Cool, cool. This was normal. He could handle this. The cold had darkened your lips and cheeks a bit, so subtle he wouldn't have noticed if he wasn't staring. But he was, and he looked away quickly, back to his computer, and choked out a "hey." Anakin heard the tell-tale smack of your backpack on the floor, then each layer you shed (thump for coat, gentle taps for gloves, barely a thunk for hat). His eyes were fixed intently on the screen, even though there was nothing to look at there. When he looked up, you were right in front of him, close enough to touch.

"Hi," you said. Your eyes were gazing up at him earnestly and he could almost see his reflection in them. Fuck. You were standing incredibly near him, much closer than anyone else in his life would.

"Hi," he breathed. Was this it? Were you going to tell him that, actually, you wanted him? That maybe you could go on a date, or, at least go back to your place? Just going back to yours for sex wouldn't be exactly what he wanted, but then again beggars can't be choosers. And he was definitely a beggar right now.

"I need the small pliers." You reached out your hand expectantly. Oh. Okay.

"Yep." He handed them over, then watched as you walked back to your table.

Awesome. So Anakin was still horrendously awkward around you. He knew how to speak to you after the past several years, where he'd found himself getting little kernels of knowledge about your life and thoughts. It was more that he didn't know what he could say that wasn't a confession that he really really wanted to kiss you again.

The dark had already fallen outside hours ago when you began to put away your prototype. All of the world was asleep, the hallway outside the makerspace dark. The only light outside the lab were the streetlights glowing through the open windows, casting shadows over the sidewalk. Time was fictional in those moments, stretching and shortening and contorting until a minute passed in what felt like an hour, or the other way around. Nothing made sense in those moments. His calculations. The unease he felt. Least of all, why you didn't want to kiss him again. Why he didn't just tell you that he couldn't stop thinking about you. But you were already putting your coat on, slinging your backpack over your shoulder, and--

"Wait," he called out desperately, gesturing with his hand toward you. He fell silent. What was he going to say? He'd ask you to talk, to explain that he actually really enjoyed yesterday and that he'd really really like to do it again. He'd tell you that he didn't hate you, actually. That he'd actually enjoy going on a date, maybe to dinner or a movie, he wasn't picky. The words were on the tip of his tongue.

"Can you just stay for five more minutes while I use the drill press?" Close enough.

You looked at him and simply nodded. You kept an eye on him while he used the drill press, and his hand almost slipped three times under your scrutiny. But then he was done, and you both went through the paces of closing up the room. Vents off, machines off, check printers, check laser cutters, lights off, leave.

On the walk home, Anakin looked up and saw an empty sky, so different from the one on the farm at home. No matter where he turned there, he saw constellations and different worlds. Here, between the tall buildings and under all the light pollution, it was just black. You walked home wordlessly again.

The next day, he was determined to be more normal, and immediately asked you how your project was going. He could tell you were guarded based on the wariness in your eye, but you still answered. That you were dealing with a test not working. He offered to take a look at it, but you shot him down.

Later, you asked him if he knew how to deal with an issue with your CAD model, which he did, and he helped you extrude text on the curved surface. Anakin tried not to notice how close your body was.

The normalcy returned within three hours between the two of you. Sure, there was an elephant in the room (or, really, a herd of elephants), but you two were getting comfortable again, casually chatting about class and boasting about your projects. You revealed the thermo midterm hadn't gone so well, and he confessed that it hadn't for him, either. He was very worried about the class, actually, but the thesis was his priority. When he told you, Anakin couldn't figure out what your expression meant. Surprise? Anger? Sadness? Sympathy? He shrugged it off. Probably was a shock to realize he wasn't always perfect.

An hour later, he was thinking about going home, but then he saw you staring at your computer with your headphones in.

"Whatcha watching?" He hoped the question sounded casual. You paused the video and looked up at him.

"An old Criminal Minds episode," you responded with a hint of a smile. His heart leaped.

"Can I join? I'm waiting on a print, and I need a break anyway." Was that smooth? He couldn't tell. You nodded, and he pulled up a chair. He was endlessly thankful you were using wired earbuds today (you had explained you'd forgotten your usual wireless ones at home), so that he had an excuse to sit near you. It was just how far the cord reached, not how badly he wanted to press himself against you. That was all.

"Oh, it's totally the teacher," he remarked at one point, midway through the episode. Your legs had gotten closer, almost pressing the sides of his thigh to yours. That did not make his heart race. It was probably the tension in the episode.

"Obviously, dumbass," you chided, smacking your leg into his, but there wasn't any bite to it. It was affection, and he reveled in it the whole way home.

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Ahsoka Tano wasn't stupid. She had eyes and a capability for critical thought that she thought two particular people in her life lacked. When her roommate came home from the lab one day in mid-November, dead silent with hair mussed and lips still swollen from making out with someone, Ahsoka knew something had happened between you and the only other person who would be in the lab that late. Finally. But there was a clench in your jaw, a hard set in your eyes, that told her it wasn't all positive. But it was progress.

The first time she met met Anakin was when she was a freshman and joined the Coruscant U taekwondo team. She'd seen him around the competitive taekwondo circuit, of course; he was national champion two times running in the 16-18 division. Anakin was precise, vicious, and powerful. By the time he was a freshman, he was about to reach the fourth Dan, a feat which took most people years. He was just that good.

When Ahsoka met him, she was certain he'd be the kind of arrogant that could only come with prodigy status. And, though he was a bit full of himself, she was surprised to find him to be kind. Not nice, necessarily, all quips and snipes and sarcasm, but definitely kind to the younger students, and to her. When he asked her to be his vice-captain, she said yes immediately. There was no one better she could learn from.

The first time she noticed the tension between you was at the first competition she was in, when you came to watch her. At some point, Anakin's name had been announced, and you looked like you'd smelled curdled milk. When she asked you about it later, she hadn't expected the total word vomit that spilled out of you about how annoying and horrible and infuriating Anakin was in class. Your actual issues with him were fairly minor, she thought: 1. He gloated (definitely true), 2. He sabotaged other people's projects so he'd do better (probably not true), 3. He was always getting praise from the professors (probably true), and 4. He always assumed you didn't know what you were doing (probably true).

But Ahsoka saw a side of him you didn't. At a competition in her sophomore year, in the dead of night at the Airbnb the team had rented, she saw him frantically sewing his expensive competitive dobok, heavy with embroidery befitting his dan, when one of the seams tore mid-match the day before. It took some digging, but he confessed that he didn't have a backup. He couldn't afford a new one right now. Anakin didn't talk about home much, and, when he did, it was in clipped sentences saying that yes, he had a mom and a new stepdad. Yes, he was from a small town. As vice-captain, she had access to the list of students who the team was sponsoring at competitions because they needed the financial aid. Anakin was on the list every time. Ahsoka didn't mention it to him, ever.

Over the past three years, she had watched the spark between the two of you ignite into fights and frustration. She'd heard Anakin ask about you in a way he thought was subtle, but was actually glaringly obvious. She'd heard you complain that he was so annoying enough times. Now that something had actually happened between you, that was it. She was going to do something about it.

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"A taekwondo party?" You had asked.

"Yeah! At Rex's," Ahsoka had said. To be honest, you kind of needed a break. Or, at least a night to not think about circuits. You were beginning to see that Anakin was smart, even smarter than you had thought, and it was creeping up on you that, maybe, just maybe, you wouldn't win no matter what you did. Maybe he was just too brilliant. You wanted to forget that, and getting drunk seemed like a great way to do just that. "Anakin will be there," Ahsoka's voice echoed in your head. Why did she say that? The peace you had settled into with Anakin was tenuous, but there. Did she know about what happened between the two of you?

You still weren't sure when you arrived on the door of the brownstone. Tau Kappa Delta wasn't an actual frat, but it was a house full of the TKD team competitors who called each other "brothers," so the nickname stuck. It was a bit out of the way of campus, but it was the prime place to hold parties if you wanted to get raunchy in a safe place. You and Ahsoka had gotten dressed up, you in some kind of short black silk dress she shoved in your hands, and her in a strappy ensemble that looked a bit like battle armor. There were straps around the arms that extended into fingerless gloves and some kind of tactical belt was slung low over her hips. Her halter top showed off her strong arms, and, for an instant, you wished you played sports for the university. How she wasn't shivering in the cold air, you'd never know.

The door swung open and the warmth indoors hit you, thick with bodies and sweat and beer, and some guy ushered you in while Ahsoka gave him a hug. This must be one of the team members you had met, some sturdy guy with an accent. You couldn't quite place if his name was Cody or Vaughn, but it was one of them, you thought. The room you entered was full of coats and bags, as well as a few people standing and chatting with drinks in their hands. Through the doorway, music blared in what was probably the living room. You couldn't make out any furniture through the dancing crowd.

Ahsoka reappeared with a shot in each hand, offering one to you with a wink.

"To a good night where you can relax, because God knows you need it," she toasted, bumping her shot glass against yours and downing it in one go. The tequila burned as it went down your throat. You coughed for a bit, then asked her for another. Might as well get the party started right. Another shot went into you, and then Ahsoka dragged you to the dance floor. The lights in the room were flashing all kinds of colors--red, purple, blue--and the music was loud enough that you could feel it vibrating through your organs. Ahsoka pushed her way past some people, closer to the center of the room, and then found enough space for the two of you and started dancing. The rhythm flowed through you, and you were just drunk enough not to care if you looked stupid. It was perfect. The two of you danced for three, maybe four songs, before Ahsoka went to get you both another shot, and then another. Some of Ahsoka's friends had joined you, not that you knew them, but you were in your own world, having fun. People bumped into your shoulder, leg, elbow, whatever, but you were on cloud nine. The bass felt like one heartbeat connecting all of the strangers on the floor to you, like you were all one beast. Dancing with your friends like this, going to parties, that's all that you cared about. This would be one of those memories you treasured, you were sure of it.

And then you saw Anakin. Much to your annoyance, he looked particularly good that day, his hair still as touchable as it was every day in the lab. He was wearing light-wash jeans (like that night, a small part of your brain reminded you) and a black, comfortable t-shirt. Oh, and there was a woman with him. Like that wasn't the first thing you noticed. She was shorter than him by a good bit, standing in front of him so you couldn't see her face, just her annoyingly shiny chestnut hair and perfect neck. Cool. Fine. They were in the corner of the room, with him leaning against the wall and her standing in front of him, shouting conversation over the loud music. Anakin shot her a warm smile, the one he rarely turned toward you, and then she put her hand on his chest. It was the alcohol that flipped your stomach, you were sure of it. And anger at seeing him, nothing else. You tapped Ahsoka and got close to her ear.

"Who's that?" You asked. She turned closer to you, her eyebrows drawn.

"Huh?" She half-yelled back. You lent in closer, trying to get to her ear.

"The girl?" You could barely hear yourself over the noise.

"What?" Oh, fuck it. You full-on yelled, but it didn't even come close to the level of bass in the room.

"Who's the girl with Anakin?"

"Oh," Ahsoka yelled back. "That's his ex." Awesome. Whoop-de-fucking-do. There was, objectively, no reason why that should have annoyed you. But it did. The girl waved to Anakin, then left, leaving him looking incredibly hot up against that wall. Your eyes took in the width of his chest, the muscles and veins in his arms. And then he was looking at you.

He had caught you. Fuck. He gave you a little wave with a smirk, then left into the next room. Shitfuckmotherfucker. Ahsoka grabbed your shoulder, shouting something about how the two of you should get some air. You nodded and let her pull you out of the dance floor, then to a room down the hall, where you could hear voices talking, laughing.

You recognized a few of the people. Jesse, Echo, the one whose name you'd ascertained was actually Cody, Fives, and Fox were all there, and, of course, so was Anakin. They were sitting in an uneven, horrible circle that was really more of a convex shape around the couch. Some girls you'd seen before around campus but you hadn't really met and some other team members were strewn about the room, sipping beers from their red cups. Anakin greeted you both with a wave.

"Hey, come join us, we're playing truth or dare," he yelled across the room. Ahsoka grinned and almost pulled you down with her to the floor.

"C'mon, let's play," she said as she grinned up at you. Truth or dare and other party games had never really been your thing, and you kind of were feeling the number of shots you had taken, so you decided you were out.

"Oh, I'm not sure--" you started.

"What, gonna chicken out?" Anakin's voice called. That motherfucker.

"Never," you shot back, plopping your ass down. You weren't sure there was a way to win truth or dare, but you were going to find it, goddamn it.

"Okay, Rex. Truth or dare?" Jesse started. You'd only met him once, but he had a nice voice and a glint in his eye that made you like him immediately.

"Dare," he responded gruffly. Some oohs peppered the room as they watched their intrepid assistant captain about to get loose. Jesse thought for a moment.

"Take two shots!" The crowd chanted as Rex sighed, poured himself two shots of tequila, and downed them with only a small wince. After he was done, it was his turn.

"Ahsoka, truth or dare?"

"Truth?" Ahsoka crinkled her nose.

"Aw c'mon Snips. Bo-oring," Anakin teased. Ahsoka shot him a look that said if I weren't across this circle, I would smack you right now.

"Only 'cause y'all can't think of a better dare than drinking," she said. Chuckles bubbled through the room.

"Fine, then, have you ever kissed Lux Bonteri?" Rex's question apparently hit the nail on the head as all the color drained out of Ahsoka's face.

"I changed my mind. Dare." Ahsoka's eyes were wide, and you knew why. She and Lux had kind of had a thing going, but he was on another school's team. She'd come back home after matches with stories about what he said, asking if you thought it was romantic or platonic. But she'd never admit to doing anything with a member of their fiercest competition. Rex rolled his eyes as people booed, Anakin especially loudly.

"Fine, fine. I dare you to… call your ex," Rex conceded. That was easy enough for Ahsoka, given that her only ex was Barriss, who she was still good friends with. Barriss had broken it off to focus on work over a year ago, and it had been hard on Ahsoka at first, but they got over it and were back to just being a little bit awkward. With an eye roll and a scoff, Ahsoka pulled out Barriss's contact and pressed the call button. The phone rang out on speaker, just getting Barriss's voicemail. "There, ya happy?" Ahsoka asked, then turned to someone else.

The game went around and around, questions about the last time someone had sex and dares to kiss someone else flying across the room as the team members who obviously knew each other too well publicly tortured one another. Eventually, someone said your name.

"Truth or dare?" It was Echo, who Ahsoka had told you was finally competing again after tearing his ACL. He had kind eyes, and the room seemed electric, so you made your choice without much thought.

"Uh, dare?" Echo smiled in a way that seemed apologetic, and you realized that perhaps this was a terrible idea. Was the room holding its breath, or was it just you?

"Okay, I dare you to straddle Anakin for three minutes." The room erupted, cheers and hollers coming from every player in the nearby vicinity. "Get it, Cap" came from somewhere on your right, and a whistle came from your left. Anakin looked white as a sheet, and you noticed he was staring at Echo with murder in his eyes. They'd pay for that in practice, most likely. He was leant back on his arms, legs criss-crossed, but the position suddenly looked tense. A muscle in his jaw bulged. The chants weren't stopping, and you decided to get it over with.

Whether it was the alcohol coursing through you or some newfound bravery, you weren't sure, but you started moving over to Anakin, who was three seats to your right, near a wall. He made eye contact with you, his gaze softening, and you could practically hear him asking you if you were okay with this. You were, you realized. It was probably the alcohol talking. The wolf whistles of the other players faded away, and sitting on his lap suddenly became the only thing you wanted.

You hitched one leg across Anakin's body, then sank down so that you were sitting on him. The rough material of his jeans slid against your bare thighs, and you cursed your choice not to wear pants. Your stomach was pressed to his chest, and you noticed that, even though your cleavage was in his eyeline and you always thought he was easily swayed by tits and ass, his eyes were intently staring into yours. In your shadow and the dark light, they were blown wide, the black almost consuming his blue irises. A world away, someone yelled that they had started a timer.

Somewhere behind your back, Ahsoka slipped Echo five bucks. You wouldn't have noticed if she had done it in front of you, because you were too busy trying to slow the beating of your heart. Or was that his? You couldn't tell. Everything was a bit fuzzy. In this position, you were above him for the first time, looking down at those eyes that were casting you a look that churned something inside you. With that look, you were back in the lab, and he was telling you to jump up onto the table, and his hands were all over you. You'd lose yourself in that moment, if you could.

Anakin's eyes traveled down your figure with a hard gulp that bobbed his Adam's apple. His gaze lingered on your low-cut front, tracing over the seams, then reaching down to your thighs. In your drunken state, you hadn't noticed the amount of skin that was exposed when your dress rode up. He definitely did. You felt something slowly changing beneath you, and it took you a second to comprehend that he was getting hard. Because of you. You rationalized it as the reaction any person with a penis would have to being straddled like that. Right?

His heavy breathing seemed to confirm it, and Anakin mouthed 'sorry' when he felt himself press against you subtly. You distinctly did not mind. His eyes flicked down between your legs, where the skirt had ridden up so that one wrong--or right--move would let him see what was underneath it. Him seeing you didn't bother you one bit, actually. You kind of wanted him to put a hand to you, press his fingers inside you. Maybe he could take you upstairs to one of the rooms and fuck you furiously. Or maybe you could shove what you were feeling against your legs into your throat. Or maybe one, then the other.

His gaze met yours again before sliding down to your lips and staying there. The same energy that he had when he was one-upping you, confidently answering a question in class, or telling you to re-solder your work grew in his eyes. That intensity. That fierce desire for success. You found it incredibly attractive then, but now, it was irresistible.

The timer beeped, and you thought of the 3D printer that night in the lab. Cockblocks, the both of them. The others in the room cheered as you got off him instantly, then slinked back to your usual seat. Now that you were sitting on your own, it became obvious that the heat between your thighs was not entirely from his legs warming you up. You pulled the hem of your skirt down just a tad. The adrenaline of the moment hadn't stopped, even though you were reminded of the existence of the crowd that had just watched you. You didn't want it to end. You'd give anything for the room to be empty right now, like the lab at night. You pulled out your phone and sent a message to Anakin, your fingers wobbly on the keyboard.

Upstairs. Follow me in 3 mind, the text said. Fuck. Maybe you were a bit drunk. *Mins, you corrected. Anakin checked his phone almost instantly, his eyes still locked on you from before, and quickly typed something back. k. You waited two more rounds of questions before getting up.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom," you said to Ahsoka, who was absorbed in some kind of debate with Fives and Cody. She nodded at you, and then you were off. You weaved through people, up to the floor with the bedrooms, which was much less populated than the downstairs. There were a few rooms that seemed either occupied or locked, but one at the end of the hall sat ajar. You entered, leaving the door cracked so Anakin would know where you were, then sat down on the bed. It was a twin, in a decently clean room that had a bunch of posters for bands along the walls. Whoever lived here really liked Pink Floyd, apparently. It was actually nice up there; the music was pumping through the building, but it was a nice backdrop this far from the speakers. The window was open, so the cool breeze was flowing.

A few moments later, the door opened. The second you saw Anakin, you pounced on him. He let out a slightly surprised mmph, but then feverishly kissed you back. Anakin tasted like alcohol and orange juice, but you didn't mind. As long as he was kissing you, he could taste however he wanted. One of his hands scrabbled behind him to find the door handle and shut it, while the other came up to your jaw. Whatever desires he had downstairs, he was clearly showing them now. His hand went down to grab your ass, his fingers pressing into the soft flesh. You pressed yourself against him, just like you were downstairs, your whole bodies melded together until you didn't know where he began and you ended. The way Anakin kissed you was intoxicating, more so than any of the shots you had taken that night. More than any drug you would ever take. That fire, that anger-desire-passion-whatever that burned in you intensified until the music downstairs and the unfamiliar surroundings faded away, and all you could feel was him.

You rocked your hips forward, just to test his response, and he growled into your mouth with a ferocity you didn't expect, but loved anyway. Fuck, you'd do anything to hear that again, to hear it all the time. He pulled your hips into his, grinding against you in the process.

Suddenly, he twisted around so he was pressing you against the door with his body enveloping you. Anakin trailed down from your lips to your jaw to your neck. The little nips and wet kisses were driving you wild, so you decided to return the favor and snaked your hand down his chest, which was shockingly hard and muscular, until you reached the hem of his shirt. Your fingers toyed with the edges where his skin met the soft cotton, and you could feel his ragged intake of breath when you trailed even further up. He pulled away, his breathing still heavy. You thought and hoped he would take his shirt off. To show you what you'd seen on the rare times his shirt had ridden up while he took off a hoodie or jacket. Instead, he just looked at you and stopped.

"Fuck me, please," you whispered into the room. For a moment, he looked like he was strongly considering it, and you found yourself praying he would say yes.

"How many drinks have you had?"

"I don't know, like four? Does it matter?" You shrugged. "It doesn't change that I want you," you whispered in a way you hoped was seductive. Anakin got off you so quickly that you were almost hurt, but he still remained close enough that it soothed the sting.

"I'm sorry. It's going to kill me to say this, but we shouldn't do this now. I've only had one drink and you're clearly not thinking straight," he said. His eyes were so full of concern that you almost didn't get mad at him. Almost.

"No, I'm thinking very straight. I'll say the alphabet backwards if you want," you offered, getting closer to him again. He took another step back.

"I'm talking about your decisions. I don't want to have sex, and then have you wake up in the morning and regret it. Just--let's go back to yours." He caught the look in your eye, which clearly meant that yes, you would indeed like to go back to your place, then hurried to add more.

"Not like that. You go to sleep. I'll stay in your living room. In the morning, if you still want to do this, I'll fuck you right then and there." Anakin rumbled the last words out so intently, so full of promise, that you finally conceded.

"Fine, let's go. But as soon as I wake up, I'll take you up on that. And then I'm going to the lab. I've gotta get back to work," you said, letting him past you to open the door for you. Anakin chuckled.

"Maybe you're more sober than I thought." The two of you went back down the hallway, past the other closed doors to the staircase, which was somehow even sweatier than you remembered, then past the living room to the entrance. Anakin's hand was clasped around yours the entire time, to make sure he didn't lose you, and you found that, actually, you didn't mind the contact. You wanted to do it a lot, even sometimes outside of sex. But that was the tequila talking. In fact, the tequila was doing a lot of talking right now, and the world was a little bit wobbly and fluid. Your head was heavy, and you found yourself stumbling a few times in your impractical heels.

Somehow, in all the chaos, Anakin found Rex by the entrance. You couldn't hear every word he said, but you caught "too drunk," "going home," and "make sure Ahsoka gets home safely." The 15 minute walk home passed by in a blur because you were a bit too distracted by the smell of Anakin's jacket around your shoulders. You really were stumbling around, and Anakin had to catch you a few times, but you made it back to your dorm in one piece.

This time, instead of going to the west elevator, Anakin followed you to the east, then up, up, all the way until you got to the tenth floor. Your key scraped against the lock, and you could hear Anakin's impatient sigh as you missed the hole again. You finally got it in, then got into your apartment and immediately flopped face-first onto your bed. Everything was a muddled mess after that. Anakin helped you take your shoes off, though not without making fun of you for being so drunk first, and then handed you a makeup wipe. You slapped it across your face a few times, then tossed it to the side. With a quick "good night," Anakin was about to leave your bedroom to crash on the living room couch.

"C'mere," you called, sitting up and stopping him in his tracks. He approached the bed, then sat down next to you until you put your head on his shoulder. This was bad, you knew, but it felt, for a moment, like that didn't matter. "Stay." Your voice was so small, so quiet. Vulnerable.

"I want to, but, no, I really should--" You interrupted him, still a little drunk and groggy but definitely annoyed. Could the bastard stop trying to be chivalrous for one second?

"If you don't stay, I am gonna dunk your Arduino in water. After you've soldered it." The threat was slightly diminished by the way you nuzzled his shoulder, but it worked anyway. Anakin was always a sucker. His deep sigh confirmed it.

"Fine. Just--oh God this is weird--let me take off my jeans if I'm going to sleep in a bed." You nodded and watched as he stood up, then unbuttoned them and pulled them down so he was in loose boxers and his t-shirt. His strong legs were on display, and you filed the image away for later as he crawled in behind you on the tiny twin bed. Your bed was shoved into the corner of the room, so he had to smush himself between you and the wall, but he managed it with only minimal complaining. He was so warm, so big and comforting. Maybe this was the relaxation you needed tonight, not a stupid party. Maybe you could do this more often. Anakin put his arm around your stomach, pulling you into him. Yup, you definitely had to do this more often. His breath tickled the back of your neck delightfully, and his bare legs felt incredible against yours.

"Is this okay?" You didn't have time to answer with anything more than a mhmm before you fell asleep. It was the most restful sleep you had in months, but that wasn't because of Anakin. Maybe it was. Maybe, just maybe, he wasn't so bad. Maybe you liked him a bit, when he wasn't being an ass. But that was probably the tequila talking. It was the tequila, really.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

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[footiehoefics]

Not Approved

I'M BACK! This fic took way longer than I thought it would, and I am sorry. I'm so happy to post a new fic and I hope you guys like it! Let me know what you think please! I'm sorry if I take longer to post fics I just have a lot going on and I wish I had more time to write. Anyways enjoy! I love you! 5.2k words, TW none, fluff/angsty

gif: canirove

You don’t know how you and Mason made time for each other, but you always tried. 

It was hard to both be public figures and have people comment on your relationship all the time, or criticize everything you did. It sucked when people blamed you for his “bad” performances. However, as tough as it was, you never let it get in the way between your relationship. 

You had met Mason at an event you were both invited to. You were sitting next to each other, and to say you fell for him quickly, it was an understatement. 

One date turned into two, three, four, five, you can’t even count now. They were always spaced out though, you would see him for a date one week and then not see him for at least 3 weeks. You would always text each other when you were apart and do facetime calls. 

Your home was England, but because of your career you had to be in different places a lot of the time. This was an obstacle both you were willing to face. 

Mason fell in love with you instantly as well. He was grateful his friends talked him into going to that event alone, otherwise he wouldn't have met you. He knew who you were, how couldn't he?He had seen you in movies many times. He always had a crush on you but to him it seemed nearly impossible to have something with you. 

On your first date, he was so nervous. He had never been nervous to go on a date, as a matter of fact, he prided himself in being confident with girls. There was something about you that made him go crazy for you and he wanted to give the best impression. Every single time you were together he just felt the connection. Every single second it grew more and more. 

You also knew who Mason was, living in London for a long time, it was hard not to know who he was as well. You were also a very big football fan, so you didn't want to freak out when you met him. He made you feel so at peace, like you could be yourself around him and not put up this “nice girl” persona everyone expected from you. 

You were never the type of girl to have one night stands and go out much. You, of course, had that phase but as you got older you realized that it was not as important as people made it seem. You always loved being at your house or working on set. Mason loved that about you, you liked your privacy. Most of the girls he had been with, he knew it was just for attention. He always wanted to meet someone who respected his privacy and didn't just want his money. 

After so many lowkey dates with him, you both started your relationship 2 months ago. You had both agreed to keep it private but not a secret. Your friends and family knew but that was it. If someone spotted you at his games, rumors always started swirling around but you never commented on it. People would say whatever it was about you both and it shouldn't matter. 

Ever since Mason signed for Manchester United, you spent a lot of time with him in his apartment in Manchester. You loved being up North with him and being in your own little bubble with him and your dogs. It was like all the noise faded out. 

Every weekend you would go on little dates, getting to know more and more places, and also so Mason could familiarize himself more with the city. This weekend however, Mason wanted to head down to London since it was one of his friends' birthdays. 

You were currently getting ready to get in his car and start the 3 and a half hour car ride. 

“Ready my love?” Mason asked you, popping his head in the bathroom to check you were ready to leave. 

“Yep, I just need to get that bag downstairs” you replied, looking at yourself one last time in the mirror. 

Mason headed over to the bed and grabbed the bag. “Fucking hell, what are you taking? We’re only going 3 days.” 

You laughed at his comment. “I have to take some stuff back to the apartment in London and bring in new stuff.” 

Once all the bags were in his trunk, you made your way to London. This would be the first time you would be meeting his friends. You know it was kind of late but, better late than never. You had been very busy and every time they would visit Mason in Manchester you were not there, not for a lack of trying. It had been hard to meet his friends and family with both of you being so busy. 

You were a bit nervous but you knew that you just had to relax and just be yourself. You only knew Nathan and Benny, everyone else you had never met so you wanted to make a good impression. 

—-

“This shirt or this shirt?” you asked, holding up two black shirts that honestly to any man would look exactly the same. 

“Babe…they are the same…” Mason replied, looking at you clueless. 

“Uh, no. This one is more see-through and this one has longer sleeves.” you pointed out, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “24 and already with bad vision…?” You told him, smirking. 

“Oi those shirts are exactly the same, but I mean the first one I guess since it’s more see-through.” he replied, making you chuckle.

You were almost done getting ready, and so was Mason. The party was not far from your hotel so you were good on time. Your nerves started building up. You weren’t the best at meeting new people, but you’ve gotten better at it. 

You had never been this nervous to meet your past boyfriend’s friends or family. With Mason it was different. This relationship meant everything to you, it was so important for you to really bond with his friends and for them to like you. Mason always tried to reassure you they would obviously like you and if they didn't that it would not matter, he wanted you. However, if they didn't end up liking you, it would hurt you and it would be hard to just brush it off. You figured if they were friends with Mason and they were similar to Benny and Nathan, then there would be no problem. 

“Wear this purse” Mason told you as you were adding the finishing touches to your makeup. He was holding up a beautiful dark red and gold purse he gave you for your birthday not long ago. 

“Oh you want me to show it off today?” You replied to him smiling. 

“Of course, and if someone asks you where you got it just say the best boyfriend ever gave it to me as a gift” he winked at you making you giggle. 

You grabbed the beautiful purse, grabbed Mason’s hand and headed to the car to go to the party. The little weird feeling in your tummy started happening again but you tried to brush it off. 

—--

Once Mason gave the car to valet, he grabbed your hand and kissed your temple. 

“Ready?” he asked you, smiling. He was excited about you meeting all of his friends finally. 

“Mhm” you replied, not sounding confident at all. 

“Hey, it’s gonna be fine okay? They’ll love you” he told you caressing your cheek and looking deep into your eyes making your heart melt. You gave him a little on the lips and headed inside the party. 

As soon as you stepped a foot inside, Mason’s friends swarmed him. Clearly they had missed him. Mason never had a lot of time to make the drive back down to London and his friends also barely had time to go up and see him. It was sweet seeing all of his friends hug him and reunite with him.

You let go of his hand so he could say hi to all of them and stood behind him a bit awkwardly waiting for him to introduce you. The first person he greeted stepped aside and looked over at you. “Oh hey! We finally meet you!” he said approaching you to greet you. You knew who he was, Mason having mentioned him quite a bit since they were former teammates and also just by watching football. “I’m Ben it’s nice to meet you” he hugged you and you hugged him back. “It’s nice to meet you, I’m y/n” you replied smiling at him. 

Mason turned around and started introducing you to everyone. Everyone was really nice and welcoming towards you which made you feel at ease. Everyone except three people. You knew one of them, again because of football. However, the other two you had no clue. 

You grabbed Mason’s hand again to guide you wherever he was going. You didn’t want to be that clingy girlfriend but you barely knew anyone and felt safe being with him. You both sat down in a small booth. You sat donw next a girl. 

“Hi!” she said as soon as you sat down next to her. “I’m Sophia, Kai’s girlfriend. “Oh hello! I’m y/n… Mason’s girlfriend” you replied, matching her causing her to giggle. 

She was a sweetheart the whole night with you, going to the bar together, talking about everything and anything. It gave you an opportunity to give Mason space with his friends and not be super clingy as you feared. 

Once the bartender handed both of you your pornstar martini’s, Sophia guided you to the terrace where Mason, Kai, Nathan and Ben were with some of their other friends on table. Once Mason spotted you he smiled at you and signaled you to go sit with him. There was very little room between him and the girl beside him, so he sat you down on his lap making you blush and smile. You didn’t know who the girl was, she was one of the few people who was  a little cold with you. 

There were different conversations around the table going on, you were trying to keep up with them but at the end you just started chatting with Kai and Sophia who were in front of you. 

“How long have you two been together?” you heard the girl ask Mason, making you look at her. “Oh sorry I didn’t introduce myself, I’m Shea” she said not even smiling, just giving you a blank expression. You were not gonna lie, you felt a little uncomfortable and intimidated by her. “Oh nice to meet you I’m y/n” you said smiling, unlike her. “Um, we’ve been together for like two months” you told her, answering her question. 

Sha laughed a little, “I’m shocked, look at you” she said now with a more expressive face looking at Mason. Mason just smiled awkwardly. You could tell there was some tension or awkwardness, or at least just from his side. He looked visibly uncomfortable. You just tried to smile and be nice. 

“Yea, my God what happened to you?” another voice said. This time it was the person beside Shea. You didn’t know his name but he was the other person who never introduced himself to you. “You never come down here, never want to go out with us anymore, have a little fun like the old days.” he finished making Claire laugh. “Don’t have time mate” Mason replied, smiling at him. “Of course you don’t, you have a girlfriend now” Shea said looking at you and smiling condescendingly. Oh, so this is what it was. Maybe it bothered them that he had a girlfriend now and had no time for them?  

“So boring mate…” the guy said, taking a sip of his drink. “No offense” he chuckled looking at you, “we’re not used to Mase having a serious girlfriend and shit, usually it was just for the night.” he laughed, nudging Shea, making her blush. “Joe” Mason said sternly. 

You wanted the ground to swallow you. Not only did his friends think he was boring now because he finally had a serious girlfriend, you now knew he used to do it with one of his girl friends…? It also hurt you Mason didn’t say anything to them, as if they were right. 

You didn’t even know what to say. You scratched your neck awkwardly and looked at Sophia. She had heard everything and helped you get out of that conversation. “Does anyone want anything from the bar? Y/n and I will go get some more drinks” she asked the table. No one wanted anything thankfully. 

You got up from Mason’s lap and were about to go inside when you felt someone grab your arm. You turn around, it was Mason. “Hey, can we go to the other side and tal-” he was about to ask when you interrupted him “No…um…I have to go to the bar with Soph.” you said. “Love please” Mason pleaded. “It’s fine Mase, I promise” you told him half smiling. He let go of your arm, understanding you didn’t want to hash on it right now. He knew you were hurt and he knew he had to explain all of it to you, but he knew you better than anyone else and you needed space right now. 

Once at the bar, Soph asked you if you were okay. “I’m okay, I’m just like taken back a little bit” “Ugh Joe is such a prick you have no idea” she said rolling her eyes and making you chuckle at her comment. “I can tell.” 

“He is so miserable I promise you. His life consists of partying every single day. Everytime he asks Kai if he wants to go to the club or a party and says no, he blames it on me.” she said and paused to take a sip from her drink. “It;s not my fault you have no life or great charactics to get a decent girlfriend and do something else other than get high or drunk every weekend.” This time you laughed harder, making Sophia laugh too. “I just hate him so much you have no idea” she told you. “No it’s okay, I mean I had a 5 minute conversation with him and I already don’t like him”

“What about Shea, do you know her?” you asked Soph. “Not much, other than she's a leach with Joe. She’s a bit bitchy but I don’t really talk to her, you know?” “Yea” you replied. 

“Um…and do you know about her and…Mason?” you asked her, not really wanting to know the answer. “Don’t worry about her, they were never anything serious whatsoever. I’m not gonna lie to you, I think they used to…you know…but ever since Mason moved clubs and cities he has changed a lot…for the better, and I’m guessing it has a lot to do with you.” she said, winking at you. It sting a little knowing he used to…sleep with one his girl friends, and it bothered you a bit he was still friends with her or at least still hung out with her. You were confident in your relationship but after tonight, you felt stupid and a little embarrassed.

What if it wasn’t just Joe and Shea that thought Mason was now boring and had no time for them because of you? What if everyone else felt the same way but didn’t show it or told you like they both did. 

“Can you go with me to the bathroom please?” Soph asked, standing up. “Yes of course” you paid for your drinks and headed to the bathroom. It was only one bathroom and the men’s bathroom was directly in front of the women’s bathroom, so you waited in the hallway for her. 

You were scrolling on your phone while waiting for her when you heard Mason’s voice from the men’s bathroom. You hated snooping, but you heard your name and you couldn’t help it. 

“Mate I just understand what’s the problem?” you heard him say. “I’m just saying, you're adapting to a new team, new city, new everything, a relationship would be the last thing I would focus on. Y/n seems lovely, trust me, but I think in the end it will just be a distraction maybe. It’s not just another girl you know? Her lifestyle is also public and it’s completely different to yours” you didn't recognize this voice. It wasn’t Joe (thankfully), it wasn’t Ben, Nathan or Benny, it wasn’t Kai as well. Whoever it was, you didn’t care, his comments hurt you. Not because they were mean, but because there was maybe some truth behind them. 

It was hard already to make time for each other. He was right, both of your live’s were so different and public, how on earth did you think this would work. Love wouldn't be a problem, but work, and lifestyle would certainly be. Maybe since the very beginning you were right. You always had this feeling about your relationship with Mason, it was too good to be true. Your past relationships weren’t great at all. You were very careful who you gave your heart to. You were more than happy to give it to Mase. He never gave you a reason to not trust him with it. It was like this whole time, you were just waiting for the ship to crash, because at the end of the day that’s always what happened. 

You felt your eyes sting with tears. You stepped away from the door and couldn't hear what else was said so just turned your back to the men’s door and got close to the women’s door. Mason and his friend stepped out, you heard the door open. You didn’t want them to see you upset and on the verge of tears so you didn’t turn around. 

“Y/n?” You heard Mason asked. You did your best at pretending everything was fine but he could see right through you. HIs friend stepped out as well, and now you realized it was Declan. His best friend since childhood. This made it even worse. HIs best friend was telling him all of this, and as much as Mason would reassure you it was fine, you know when your best friend tells you something like that it’s more serious. It’s not just someone online saying it, or dickheads like Joe. 

“Hey I’m just waiting for Sophia-” you tried to say calmly, when Sophia opened the door. “All done” she said, and stopped in her tracks when she saw the 3 of you outside. “Oh hey guys” she smiles. “I need to go inside” you said entering the bathroom. 

You could not face Mason right now. This whole night was just a big shit show. The worse you thought could happen, happened but like 200x worse. You tried to compose yourself for 5 minutes in the bathroom. You were also waiting for Mason to leave. You wanted to go back home, you didn't want to be here. You felt unwanted by some of his friends and  just like you didn't fit in. 

You opened the door slowly and saw only Sophia waiting for you. “I’m done” you said, stepping out. “Oh listen, Kai and I will head home, it’s late and we always sleep early like old people” she told you. “Oh okay, yea I think I’m leaving too.” you replied. “Oh Mason went outside with Dec-” “No, just me, I’ll get an uber or something.” “Are you sure? Kai and I can give you a ride” Sophia told you sweetly understanding your situation. “no , it’s okay Soph, I don't want to bother him.” “Don’t be silly c’mon” Sophia grabbed your hand and guided you to the exit. 

You felt bad leaving without saying goodbye to Mason and to all of his friends since it could come across as rude but, you couldn't be arsed anymore. 

Kai and Sophia were kind enough to drop you off, you said your goodbyes and thanked them. On the car ride home, you texted Mason you had left with them and for him not to worry. You took your makeup off and got comfy in a pair of pj’s. 

—--

You were honestly reevaluating your whole relationship with him. You loved him, more than anything. You have never loved anyone as much as you have loved him, however you hadn't gotten the chance to tell him those 8 letters yet. But what if it got more and more serious and somewhere in the future you both realize it’s not as easy as you two thought it would be, or what if you both get way too busy for one another, what if you really are a distraction for him, what if he actually want to go back to being single and having more fun with his friends? These questions were eating you alive. 

You grabbed your phone to check if Mason had messaged you and you had 7 missed calls from him. You were about to call him back when you heard the doorbell ring. 

You got up from the bed and went to answer it, knowing it was Mason. When you opened the door, you could tell Mason was visibly annoyed. 

“Are you serious? You just leave without telling me or saying goodbye to anyone?” he asked entering your apartment. 

“I texted you when I was on my way home” you defended yourself. 

“Babe…what the hell happened tonight huh? I know what Joe said was way out of line and I owe you an explanation, but you didn’t want to hear it. Then you just leave without telling me.” He had a right to be annoyed with you, you knew that. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was leaving okay? I was not feeling good after everything that was said, you know Joe, Shea and…Declan” you said, almost whispering the last part. As soon as you said Declan’s name, he knew what you meant and his demeanor softened. 

“Baby-” “Don’t Mase, please” you said, moving away from his embrace. 

“I know all of it is not completely your fault, I know. I just feel…embarrassed and” you were trying to find the words without crying. “It just hurt because maybe it’s true you know?” 

“What’s true?” he asked you coming closer to you. 

“Maybe he’s right it’s not the time for us to be together…maybe it will distract you from football and me from my work you know? What if you regret having this serious relationship with me because you miss being more with your friends and going out-""Hey, I wouldn't have started this with you if I thought that okay?” “Mason, maybe you think that now but, maybe Declan’s right? It will not be easy, we have completely different live’s. I just think maybe we should think about it for a bit” 

Mason stared at you blankly trying to process everything you had said to him. “So you want what? A break from this?” he asked you with hesitation. 

“Yea…i think it’s best if we just see the bigger picture you know?” you told him, as a tear ran down your cheek. 

“I don’t want a break because I know what I want,” he said looking at you, almost crying. It broke your heart looking at him like this. “But if you feel like you need it then okay” he said nodding. 

—-

That night, you both hugged each other for a long time. He ended up staying at a hotel and not your apartment. You weren’t gonna lie, you cried for hours. Your heart was broken. You knew it wasn’t a break up but it felt like one. The stupidest thing was that it was your own idea. 

You let other people’s perspectives cloud the love you had for him. You still had those same doubts but, after being apart for 2 weeks you knew you needed him. However, you didn’t know how to even start that conversation with him again. What if he realized what you had said maybe was right? 

Overthinking was your biggest enemy, and you let it get in the way of your relationship with Mason. 

Beside this whole thing, you were also upset at the fact that his best friend didn't really approve of you. Other friends of his saw you as the girl who made him boring. At the end of the day it’s not like you were going to see those people a lot but, they were his friends. You always valued what your friends had to say about your partners, because they always wanted what was best for you. It would be no different between Mason and his friends. 

You were in the middle of cleaning up the living room in your apartment when your phone pinged. You checked your notification and were surprised to see who had dmed you. 

Declan. 

Why the hell was he messaging you? He barely talked to you, you don’t even remember if he introduced himself to you. 

You opened instagram to see what he had sent you.

Hi y/n ! 

Listen I wanted to talk to you, I know with both of us being busy it’s kind of hard talking in person. I am so sorry for the other night!😭 I didn't mean to cause anything between you and Mason. I know what I said may seem to you that I didn’t want  you to be with him but it’s not like that at all. I was just concerned about a friend you know? He just moved to a new city, a new club, I assumed (wrongly) that maybe starting a relationship with someone who has a lifestyle like yours wasn’t the best idea and I am sorry! I know for a fact now after talking to him and kind of him getting pissed at me that you are probably the best thing that could’ve happened to him this year after the shit he went through. I didn’t know both of you had been getting to know each other since January, I know now why he wanted to keep that private. I also know how he got through it. I don’t know how you put up with him. I’m so sorry again, we haven’t spoken much but from what Mason has told me about you (trust me a lot) I’m sure you are a great person and I know you want what is best for him as well! 

This was really unexpected, you thought. But it was also maybe the sign you need to man up and talk to Mason and get your man back. 

Heyy

Thank you, you didn’t need to apologize. I understand why you and maybe some of his other friends are worried or concerned. I was too. That's why it sucks that it’s hard. But don’t worry about it please, you’re good.

Nah I am sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I also hope you two work it out even though it is hard. I completely understand why it is but trust me that guy is whipped with you🤣. 

I feel like I sound like Mase sent me HAHAHA but I just want what is best for him and that is you so I hope it does work out!❤️

Thank you Declan!❤️

From this moment on, you decided to stop feeling sorry for yourself and do something about this whole mess. You got onto your computer and bought a train ticket to manchester. You had no plan at all, other than showing up at Mason’s apartment and hoping he still wanted to see you and be with you. 

—-

The train ride felt like 10 hours. Your anxiety was eating you up, your stupid overthinking was hitting hard. You tried to push it aside and distract yourself the whole ride with a book or music but none of it was working. 

You finally got to Manchester and got a taxi to Mason’s apartment. 

What if he wasn’t even home? You didn’t have a key to his apartment, you never got to that stage.  

Well there was nothing you could do because the taxi was already pulling up to his apartment building. The taxi driver helped you get your bag out of the trunk and you paid him. You stepped into the lobby and headed towards the elevator. You pressed the number 15 button to go up. 

The elevator doors open and you step out. Once you reach door 159, Mason’s door, your nerves almost made you throw up. You took a deep breath in and rang the doorbell. 

You waited for him to open the door and when he finally did, your eyes teared a bit at the sight of him. He was wearing a hoodie and sweatpants. 

“Hey” he whispered, looking at you shocked. 

“Hi” you said, trying not to choke on your sob. 

He came towards you and pulled you in a hug. You forgot how safe you felt in his arms. How loved you felt when you were with him. 

“We are never doing this again…I’m sorry” you whispered in his neck, hugging him more tightly than ever and tears finally spilling. 

You stood there embracing each other for what felt like hours. 

He helped you take your bags inside and get settled in his apartment. Once you did, you both sat down on his living room couch. He was watching The Grinch, your favorite Christmas movie. 

“Nice choice” you told him and he smiled at you. 

“Mase-” “Can I start?” he asked you, interrupting you. 

“Okay” you nodded. 

I’m really sorry about that night” “You don’t have to apologi-” “Yes I do y/n. You were clearly uncomfortable with what was being said and I should've told Joe to shut up and not be rude. I should’ve said something and I'm sorry.” he said, grabbing your hands. 

“And Shea…” you were dreading him talking about what he sued to have with her. “There was never anything serious between me and her. Yes I used to…you know…but I realized a long time ago that’s now what I wanted anymore. I wanted to find someone and be with them and share my life with them. And I found my person and it’s you.” he said now looking at you. 

“I know what Dec said may be right, but what’s the point of having it easy all the time?” he asked you smiling, making you tilt your head and admire him. “It was never going to be easy, but I want us to make it work okay? You will never ever be a distraction for me, you have helped me so much when things have gone to shit. I need you baby.” 

You started tearing up again. 

“I love you Mason. So much” you told him, lifting your hand up and cupping his face. He just smiled at you and kissed you. 

You missed his lips, the feeling of his lips on yours. 2 weeks of not touching him had been hell, a hell you never wanted to repeat. 

“I love you too. So much.” he replied. 

“I’m also sorry babe. I let people get into my head and started overthinking too much I’m sorry-”

“Stop. We are good okay? Maybe we needed this, you know? To realize how much we need each other.” 

You nodded your head and kissed him again. 

“Please promise me, other people’s opinions will not affect what we have” he said to you. 

“I promise. It’s me and you.” you replied. 

“You and me.” he told you. 

[serendipityandbenevolence]

Tartaglia x Reader (gn) - SAGAU

Another day, another post! im praying that this one is easier to write than yesterdays because i spent nearly 2 hrs trying to write my 1k words. thankfully me and childe are besties (real, not clickbait) and he's also my main so i don't have to read about his personality for a hour on the genshin impact wiki.

Contains - childe being sickeningly in love with you and kinda soft (my boy is whipped) the other harbingers also lowkey hate him, also the yandere behavior makes him ooc so im sorry if hes acting a lil bit goofy, also this fic is a bit more funny and lighthearted then the other two, so let me know if you like this

The previous fic if you want context is here

And the Dottore version is here

So without further ado, I introduce you to...

"Tartaglia?"

The voices outside halt for just a second, before you hear scuffling and harsh but hushed whispers from a number of different voices. Maybe he wasn't there. After all, as the least senior of all the Harbingers, maybe he was not invited to whatever conversation they were having right beyond your door. You strained to listen, but although their voices seemed to be slowly getting louder and more irate, you could only catch tiny snippets of what they were saying.

"-not going-"

"If you-"

"SO HELP ME TARTAGLIA, IF YOU TAKE ONE MORE STEP TOWARDS THAT DOOR, I WILL PERSONALLY THROW YOU OUT-"

You flinched slightly at the sudden exclamation, which was abruptly cut off with some loud crashes and violent curses. As the noises didn't cease, you found yourself shoving off your layers of blankets and shakily getting to your feet. You were distantly aware that you probably shouldn't be moving around this much, considering how weak your body felt and the dull ache in the patched wound on your side, but you chose to ignore it in favor of investigating.

When you reached the door and nudged it open slightly, you were greeted with, not a hallway like you had presumed, but a fancy lounge area, the sort for receiving guests if you were a rich person and couldn't be bothered leaving your quarters. But more interesting than the décor was the two Harbingers fighting rather aggressively in the middle of the room and the other nine Harbingers watching on with various shades of amusement and disgust. They seemed totally oblivious to your presence, eyes trained on Arlecchino as she threw a chair at Tartaglia, before tackling him to the ground. You stood hesitantly in the doorway, not stupid enough to try and intervene, but also genuinely concerned for the safety of both of the Harbingers.

"Oh, Your Grace! What are you doing out of bed?"

You turned to the large group of Harbingers to find Sandrone staring at you with a rather worried expression. Her words caused everyone to stop and turn to you, even Arlecchino who appeared to be currently attempting to strangle Tartaglia. After a brief pause, Capitano turned back to two on the floor.

"See Tartaglia? Your childish actions have disturbed the Divine One. You are hardly fit for your title as Harbinger, causing such distress for our most beloved god."

"I'M DISTURBING THEM?! Arlecchino was the one who screamed at the top of her lungs with no care for Their Grace's slumber, why am I being blamed?"

Arlecchino paled slightly at this and stared at you with an uncharacteristically anxious expression.

"I didn't wake you up, right?"

You felt yourself sway slightly and grabbed onto the doorframe, embarrassed at how quickly your body seemed to be giving out on you.

"Oh no, not at all. I was already awake, I was just listening to you all discuss what's going on with the other nations. That's why I called for Tartaglia, I wanted to ask him some questions about what I missed while I was sleeping."

There was a slightly awkward pause as what you just said sank in.

"Wait, you actually called for Tartaglia? He wasn't hallucinating it? Or lying so he could go in and see you?" Arlecchino asked, an incredulous look covering her face as she got up off the floor.

"Yeah, I didn't mean to start a fight or anything but..."

Your vision blurred slightly and your knees buckled slightly as another wave of pain hit you. You heard a few worried murmurs from the Harbingers, but before they could do anything, you were swept off your feet and carried back into your room.

"Sorry about making you get out of bed for that. Are you feeling okay?" Tartaglia whispered gently as he cradled you in his arms, kicking the door shut behind him.

"Yeah I'm fine. I probably just need another nap, clearly I'm not as well healed as I thought."

He nodded at that, laying you down silently on your bed before grabbing at your blankets and laying them back over you.

"Sorry for causing you so much trouble, Ajax."

"Ajax?"

You hesitated, suddenly unsure of how he would react to his actual name. But he only smiled, with what seemed to be a slight blush covering his cheeks.

"I had no idea that you knew my real name! I mean, of course you do, but I just didn't think you would take much notice and-"

He paused, seemingly noticing your tired eyes.

"Ah, I'm sorry, I'll ramble another time. Please, if you so wish, call me Ajax."

"Perhaps not in front of the other Harbingers though. I wouldn't want to drag you into another spat." You whispered sleepily.

"Don't worry about that!" He grinned widely at you. "I can take them on, call me what you want."

He got up from beside you, with one last sentence before he left.

"Sweet dreams, Your Grace."

Glad to report that this one was a lot easier to write and I was actually giggling a little while picturing Arlecchino trying to beat Tartaglia. I might write Pierro's ending today, just because I have some time and I'm in a good writing mood. The order of the endings so far are Pierro, Capitano, Pantalone and Scaramouche. If you guys want to comment which of the women you want to go after Scaramouche, I'll add them to the list! (also no, I'm not writing Pulcinella)

[idiotmf]

Ur world building is phenomenal ｡⁠.ﾟ⁠+(⁠｡⁠･⁠ω⁠･⁠)

Please tell me more abt xyon :3

Thank you so much! ( ◍＞◡＜◍)。✧♡

I am currently working on a story about Xyon (along with approximately fifty other things).

I usually write short scenarios with my characters for myself, sort of like different AUs, but they're in my native language, and I would like to make one that's Xyon x Reader specifically.

MDNI because my blog is 18+, the post itself shouldn't really be NSFW aside from biological aspects.

Uh, yeah... This is rather long for what I meant it to be (around 2.5k words excluding the notes at the beginning and end).

(Edit: Here is a link to the original lore dump for anyone wondering, since I reference it a lot.)

All that aside, here's a more in-depth look at my favorite biologist in the galaxy:

Appearance:

Since this is focused on just one Xenian, I can give a few more details about what he looks like. I really wish I was talented at drawing so I could give a visual representation of what I personally imagine, but I'll provide some images in case my words aren't clear enough (still working on that vocabulary, haha).

Let's start with his body!

As mentioned in the overall description, Xyon is around 2.5m (8'2), and if needed, he, like all other male Xenians, can stretch his torso up to 2.8m (roughly 9'2). If you're wondering which specific part gets stretched, it's the area just below the shoulders and above the stomach. (I'm using human anatomy here for convenience; if you're interested, I can definitely get into more in-depth Xenian anatomy, but I fear it might be boring.)

Whenever stretched, the skin gets damaged, sort of like horizontal stretch marks, but will shrink back to heal normally. Xenians don't do this often due to their high intelligence and lack of predators, causing it to be more of an evolutionary inconvenience these days.

While they still use it for mating displays, much like humans, they just prefer talking nowadays.

His overall body has a pretty slim, smooth look underneath the short fur. The muscles of Xenians are layered like thin sheets (muscle lasagna, anyone?) and don't bulge in the way human muscles would; instead, they just look broader and fuller.

Now, Xyon is considered skinny, even for his kind. I've mentioned it in the lore dump, but Xenians have moved past eating. They consume nutritional gel, which also explains why they are very lean, since they are literally only allowed to consume this gel, which covers their calculated daily needs.

If you know how nutrition works, though, you can probably see some holes forming in that logic. Xyon moves around a lot and therefore would technically require more, hence the skinny body.

His legs are long compared to his torso, especially below the knees (again, using human anatomy for convenience). His thighbones are rather short, the Xenian equivalent of Tibia and Fibula long (around 2/3rds of his legs; also, they don't have single bones but rather thousands of thin, long bones clustered together to form larger structures). It looks rather awkward when sitting or trying to crouch.

Fun fact: Xenians cannot kneel.

Well, technically, they can; once. And then not get back up without serious injuries. Their knees also cannot be fully bent back like a human's, but rather just enough to allow them to comfortably walk and sit. They actually also comfortably stand around in their strange crouching position whenever they are idle for long periods of time. Remember, they have a tail (sort of like this minus the scales) that they use for balance, resting in what I can only describe as a weird, tripod looking stance, sort of like they're leaning back and almost sitting on their tail.

I spent an hour trying to draw a representation of it, but it looked so goofy that I felt too embarrassed to share it. ( ´･ω･)

Anyway, his skull resembles that of an ocelot, complete with rows of sharp teeth, identifying his race as a once carnivorous one. (skull image) However, they don't have the typical cat whiskers, and their muzzle is less rounded.

Neat little tidbit, but technically, Xyon speaks with the Xenian equivalent of a lisp after sustaining an injury to his throat as a child (some of their sounds are formed in the throat, mainly the sheet metal-sounding one). However, since his words are translated into human speech for you to understand him, this doesn't carry over.

Xenian eyes also resemble those of cats; Xyon's are amber in color, but they can have various different ones. Of course he has a long, rough tongue due to their carnivorous roots.

Their entire body, except for their tails, genitalia, soles, and palms, is covered in a short, dark blue fur. (Imagine the fur of smooth, short coated dogs like a Doberman, Great Dane, Boxer, Beagle, etc. Just a bit softer.) If you want specifics on the color, I'd say the closest is #555C6C, ironically called Blue Planet. It looks sort of washed out due to their skin underneath being a dark gray.

His feet and hands are generally very similar in shape to those of a raccoon, except they have retractable claws and four fingers instead of five (a thumb and three fingers).

As mentioned in the species lore dump, they have retractable genitalia that are hidden underneath a layer of skin until they are exposed. It can actually harden while hidden, making their skin bulge. However, this can be quite painful since the space allowing for their phalluses isn't meant to support them in their full size.

If we're taking semen, it looks rather blueish in hue and the consistency is thicker and sort of slimy, designed to stick to a female's eggs.

Sources (cough cough) confirm it has a rather sweet-ish flavour, consuming too much of it does cause nausea in humans though.

Personality:

Xyon is an incredibly curious individual, especially later on (you'll see why in a second). He wants to know anything and everything about this planet and its inhabitants. He likes finding new plants, scanning them, and then observing for a while. He marvels at the strange animals that live on this planet (I should mention at this point that any story including Xyon is post-apocalyptic) and Earth's impressive landscapes.

Despite being very curious, he's still an extremely obedient follower of orders. For example, in one story I wrote, he was running out of his nutritional bio-gel and would simply refuse actual food, despite the scanner clearly telling him it was harmless for him to eat, choosing to starve rather than disobeying the directive to only consume the gel.

He does end up breaking one major rule, which ends up changing his entire life.

You see, while he is a biologist and was sent to earth to study and document flora and fauna for the intergalactic database, he is strictly forbidden from interacting with humans, whether positively or negatively, the only exception being for self-defense purposes. This is largely due to humans being known as primitive and extremely violent.

Xyon shares this narrative at first, since his research partner Xuan was murdered and subsequently eaten by humans after trying to peacefully interact with them.

That is, until he runs into, well, you. A lone human, injured, and on the brink of death. At first, he considers leaving you to die, then he considers observing you while you pass away, only to finally decide that even if you do attack him, he wants to help you.

Another bit of a flaw in his character is his naivety. Xenians don't have concepts like sarcasm; even lying isn't exactly something they do or consider, as it goes against their morals. This ends up with him believing everything you tell him, curiously inquiring about the most obvious of lies.

Not to mention, he speaks incredibly bluntly, which might come off as rude. This does actually improve after Xyon spends more time with you, since he learns to imitate the way you speak rather than sticking to the cold, scientific speech he uses at first.

I like to think this is a product of Xenian society, as scientists and research purpose tiers don't exactly experience individualism or even enough free will to build their own personalities to the point of even having distinguishing character traits.

I'm not sure how much I mentioned in the other lore dump (I tried to keep it short, so I kept cutting things out), but I do remember mentioning that Xenians practice culling unhatched eggs based on desirable base intelligence, health, etc. which is calculated based on your family tree, essentially. One's purpose is also determined by those stats.

Eggs far above the desired base intelligence usually become researchers and scientists, the highest "purpose" you can possibly have in their race. However, that also means that you not only get gaslit into thinking that's the only thing you're good at, you don't even get a chance to consider anything else.

Xyon is a biologist, and he cannot ever be anything but a biologist. He doesn't even have the mere choice of disliking his career, because it isn't just his job; it's his entire life.

Did I mention I love playing with such dystopian concepts?

Over the course of spending more time with you, he does eventually develop his own personality, or rather strengthen the few cracks that were present all along. But he can't help but look at you for guidance, despite being in the Xenian equivalent of his late twenties to early thirties. The concepts of being allowed to experience individualism and freely express himself are foreign to him.

I do want to mention that some Xenians do have their own personalities. This forced conformity is practiced in their general society, but only as bad as this on the higher purpose tiers, like the one he is in.

He does eventually turn into a gentle giant. I like to imagine him like a Disney princess, holding out one claw with a bird on it, like Snow White. Xyon does enjoy providing meat for you, which is a more primitive way to show that he is a suitable mate in his culture (though usually it goes both ways, or it used to, since they don't hunt anymore).

I like the concept of taking a step back from the highly intelligent life form and reverting to some more primitive practices as he develops individuality.

He never gets to the point of actively resenting his culture and planet, but rather accepts that this is one of its many differences from Earth and can be considered a flaw. In reality, he does find comfort in having a purpose, especially after you essentially tell him what life on earth was like. He finds the idea of having the freedom to try anything overwhelming, and not knowing what you're truly made for is terrifying in his eyes.

Beliefs and Values:

While a form of religion does still exist on his planet, due to the forced conformity and his purpose as a biologist, he was taught to disregard such matters for lack of logic.

Despite that, he does actually secretly believe in things like fate, especially in the context of finding one's mate.

Yet, mates are a pretty sore spot for him.

Due to their personalities, or rather lack thereof, and long absence from their planet in the name of science, higher-tier Xenians don't usually find a mate, often either living alone until death or dying during research.

Xyon does eventually express the belief that meeting you was fate and that you two were meant to end up as mates, despite being different in many ways.

He also believes that meeting you was meant to prove that humans weren't as destructive and savage as originally assumed.

(There is a whole other discussion of why earth became post-apocalyptic in the first place, and while the answer is a bit more convoluted than that, Xyon believes that the planetary representatives collectively decided that humans could not go on the way they were, and instead of risking a valuable planet that could host life being destroyed beyond repair, they would simply flatten major settlements and reset them to see whether they would grow from this experience or perish altogether.

Ironically, in reality, this was actually voted against in the end due to humans not having encountered extraterrestrial life yet and the promising scientific progression, but one race, fairly similar to humans themselves in nature (though not in looks), decided it would be for the better, carrying out the invasion on their own accord. While they weren't completely erased themselves, most of the higher-ranking beings from that planet were executed. This, however, is not common knowledge, as the representatives did cover it up in order to avoid other races being encouraged to disobey.)

While the race of Xenians does have values pertaining to open-mindedness and equality, they are fairly limited in nature. They do allow for sexual and romantic expression (on the lower tiers, mostly), but you can never, ever have the same standing as someone born with a higher tier purpose.

This means that even if you end up exceeding your calculated base intelligence by a lot, you will still be stuck in a purpose that isn't for you and have no chance of changing it.

Ironically, while a social hierarchy does exist, lower tiers are usually considered happier and have far more freedom than higher tiers. Because, again, they get stripped of all individuality to become mindless little researchers.

I purposely didn't specify Xyon's values in this case because, as you can imagine, being forced into a certain mindset does mean he has the same values as the collective, though it does change over time, with him expressing that while he does still support the tiers and purpose, he wishes it was less strict.

Family and Social Circle:

Xyon does actually have a family; he wasn't raised in a mating group. Unlike humans, Xenians don't have a close bond with their parents or siblings since they aren't fully raised by them but rather taken away early in life (around 4–7 in human years) to be trained for their purpose, which results in rather shallow bonds.

His father's purpose is to nurse and educate young Xenians that have either lost their parents or were abandoned, while his mother is the leader of their local tribe, which one can become regardless of tier, following an election process similar to that on earth.

Xyon does have irregular contact with them and even occasionally visits them while on Xen'jai, which is incredibly rare.

He had one older brother, who became a soldier and died very early on due to conflict between Xen'jai and their neighboring planet.

Xyon did have one friend, the female biologist Xuan, who was his assigned research partner.

Due to the nature of their work and purpose, social circles for their tier are small, if they exist at all.

This actually affects Xyon greatly. Now that his old partner is gone, he is alone on a foreign planet, and with Xenians being social creatures, it does make him feel lonely.

On several occasions, he has actually tried seeking out other research teams from his planet that were sent to Earth, and he briefly had contact with a male geologist named Xenon, who ended up being killed, or at least that's Xyon's assumption when his signal completely disappeared (hint hint nudge nudge, he is the other one I like writing about, and he is in fact not dead).

There is one more Xenian that Xyon is aware of on earth: a female meteorologist. He does not know her name; however, he has responded to several distress signals relating to her losing her bio-gel rations to humans.

Unfortunately, she was too far away for him to actually help (she is a character I want to write about in the future as well o(〃＾▽＾〃)o ).

Well, technically speaking, Xyon (and at some point Xuan), like any other research pair, does have a ship, but being the rule-following Xenian he is, he did not leave his assigned area (which is roughly central Europe in canon btw), though he briefly considered it until getting confirmation that the situation had sorted itself out.

It is likely due to this that he even considered helping you in the first place, because he was lonely and probably hoping deep down that a human could somehow keep him company.

Which... I mean... it worked out in his favor. Good for him.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Yeesh, this is quite a lot.

Can you believe I still left stuff out? I also ended up dumping more lore for the species itself. I promise one day I'll go back and rewrite both the Species info and probably this one as well. I kind of want to write another big info-dump for Xen'jai as a planet, because there's a lot I want to get into, like the hierarchy, religion, history and evolution of the planet, which felt too out of place here.

Anyway, thanks for reading. Feel free to always reach out for more info or suggestions, I am literally just waiting to write more lore no one really can do anything with. :3

[oneatlatime]

A Precariously Stacked Pile of Random Season 2 Thoughts

These are notes I took as I watched the season. Usually after I’d already posted about the episode in question, and I thought of something I would have added to the post. Rather than edit them into my posts, I’m rounding them up and posting them all at once. As such, they are vaguely chronological. Unfortunately, because I made the notes legible to me and me only, I didn't bother to write down what episode I was referring to. I've also added some notes in as I was editing these notes. So this is also a bit of a scavenger hunt. Enjoy!

Iroh poisoning himself: dumbass moment or 5D chess?

My autocorrect corrects “Sokka” to Sock, and “Sokka’s” to socks. This causes double takes when editing.

Badgermoles have excellent eyeliner. Is that where the Kyoshi Warriors get their jaw dropping cat eye?

Why is Ty Lee spelled Ty Lee and not Tai Li? Why is Dai Li spelled Dai Li and not Dy Lee?

Sometimes Sokka makes me think of Mulan. Am I crazy?

Are the swampbenders’ moves based on a real martial art style too?

Why didn’t Aang use his swamp sense to locate Appa post-appanapping?

Where did Toph, who spent her whole life as a prisoner of her parents’ house and a moonlighting WWE wrestler until Team Avatar busted her out, get such emotional intelligence?

Why did Zuko’s dad put forward the plan to disinherit Iron in favour of him less than 24 hours after Lu Ten’s death? Why did he think that moving quickly was the right approach? Does the Fire Nation not do grieving periods? In what world was 'strike while the iron is hot' the correct course of action here?

Looking back, I’m amazed that season 2 didn’t end in Zuko’s redemption. I didn’t much like Zuko Alone, but I was sure that a season that included that much set up for a Zuko redemption arc would prioritise finishing that arc.

I haven’t even met this Firelord guy yet, but I am peeved that that twerp has a name as cool as Ozai.

Why haven't I met that Firelord guy yet?

I really thought that the older brother character in Zuko Alone would make an appearance later on in the season, giving Zuko a chance to flex some newly acquired morals. But the parallel to Lu Ten and the general message about the evils of war lands better if we never hear of him again.

Zuko in the first half of season 2 had me so annoyed that I was incredibly uncharitable to him in my write ups. Reading through some of the stuff I wrote while watching episodes, I kind of wince now. Zuko in the second half of the season was much less annoying. Which I feel bad for saying, because he’s clearly not in a good place in the second half of the season.

I would love to know why the writers decided to have Toph and Iroh meet in the wilderness. I think it’s a good choice, but I want to know how they came up with it, and why those characters? Is there anything about Toph (especially at that point, when we’ve known her for 1 episode) that suggests that she and Iroh should meet? Or would get along if they did?

Zuko has so many rock bottom fake outs this season: Zuko Alone? Nope, he gets worse in The Chase. The Chase? Nope, he gets worse in Bitter Work. Bitter Work? Nope, he gets worse in the finale.

I’m still peeved that Azula won a 6 on 1 showdown. Sorry, but that breaks immersion.

I bet the Blue Spirit could make lightning.

If water is the element of change, why does the Northern Water Tribe have such strictly defined traditions? I get that it's literally the element of change, in that water can exist in different physical states, but shouldn't the metaphorical interpretation also be true?

I like that Toph can think like an Airbender sooner than Aang can think like an earthbender.

What is Sokka’s boomerang made of? Is it metal? Because if it’s metal, does that mean that there’s a blacksmith somewhere in the South Pole? With a forge?

I still can’t get over how dumb the whole eclipse plot was.

Suki is TINY!!!

I mocked this guy’s 80s aerobics video leotard aesthetic, and I stand by that mockery, because this guy is ugly. Those colours are awful. But do you know who else has those colours?

Jet this season fascinates me. He’s positioned as genuinely repentant and legitimately seeking a second chance and I don’t believe him for one minute. Why don’t I believe him? This show has a theme of learning from mistakes and doing better, so shouldn’t Jet be a perfect fit for this show’s themes? I should be primed to believe him. And yet I don’t.

I have to applaud Iron’s enthusiasm for their new life in Ba Sing Se. A lot of that cheer (at least before the tea shop) is put on for Zuko’s sake. I don’t know where Iroh gets the energy to keep trying with Zuko after years of minimal results, but I’m glad he does.

I think Aang and Ty Lee should hang out. They have similar circus energy. Or maybe it’s that they’re the only two characters in the show so far who are remotely playful.

Aang = surface silliness, core of calm. Not that the silliness doesn't run deep, but he seems to have an untouchable anchor of calm deep within that rarely gets disturbed. Gyatso raised him well.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~Poetry bouncer ~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

I need next season to have more Appa & Mono subplots à la their escapades in The Swamp. Not à la Momo’s Tale.

Tales of Ba Sing Se definitive ranking: Momo Aang Sokka Zuko Iroh Katara & Toph

I love that Momo still sleeps in the Momo bag from The Blind Bandit

Are Suki and her warriors sitting in the middle of some Earth Kingdom forest in their underwear?

So are Smellerbee and Longshot just done? Will they be back in season 3? What happens to their life now? They are known associates of an enemy of the state who was just executed. It doesn't look good.

Everyone on this show has big ears. Zuko has the smallest ears simply because he has the least amount of ears remaining. But everyone else? Big ears.

Can I have more Gyatso? I forgot how cool he was. More Guru too please.

Hakodilf.

Everyone in the SWT has such wonderfully fluffy hair.

I like Sokka’s boots. Southern Water Tribe boots in general.

If this is the grand total of the SWT, I have some bad news about population dynamics.

Is there a proper naval term for what the SWT are doing? They’re a stealth strike force that seems to be going after individual enemy ships, using both direct and indirect tactics. Not pirates, because as far as we know they aren't going for FN supplies. They're doing what submarines do, but above water. There’s got to be a proper name for that.

Is there a raft of FN corpses chilling in the waters in front of the NWT's big wall?

I saw ATLA described as a show where all the characters are Asian-inspired people of colour, but isn’t Suki a blue-eyed redhead?

I had no idea that you could decline an Agni Kai. Zuko should have done that.

Why are the Dai Li so in love with Azula? I get that they're pissed with Long Feng for getting arrested, but wouldn't the logical choice be to direct their loyalties to the Earth King rather than a wildcard princess? I'm not going to pretend for a minute that the Dai Li are loyal to the Earth Kingdom or to Ba Sing Se, but the Earth King is a known quantity. Seems to me that it would be easier for them to re-puppetify him, rather than a FN princess.

Katara & Zuko bonding over their missing mothers is the same “makes sense until you think about it for five seconds” as Song & Zuko bonding over losing their fathers to war. Technically the same, sort of, on paper, but actually kind of rude to equate them once you know the full story. Same with the parallel between Lu Ten and the older brother in Zuko Alone. The proper dead mom parallel is Katara and Jet. Although Katara doesn’t object to the Zuko comparison, so I have no grounds to do so.

I’m really glad that Katara didn’t remove Zuko’s scar with her spirit oasis water. Both because she kind of really needed that water, but also because one thing this show has always done right is permanence. No quick fixes, no fake outs, no take backs. Lu Ten is dead, and he stays that way. Princess Yue is the moon, and she stays that way. Half a dozen people’s moms are dead, and they stay that way. Aang is the last Airbender, and he stays that way. Zuko is scarred, and he stays that way. There are no hand waves, no easy fixes. All the characters can do is learn to live with it, and go forward. And I’m grateful the show is like that, because that permanence, as well as being a good lesson to learn, functions as a reward for audience investment.

Aang did come to a crossroads of destiny in the finale, chose his duties to the world over his friends, and got aggressively slapped down for it. I have a feeling that he’ll take the wrong lesson from that, since he was already inclined to shun that path.

Overall Season 1 was prettier.

Ty Lee was the cause of more than one Beat Up Sokka Quota fulfillment this season. Make of that what you will.

Will Zuko & Azula spend season 3 bouncing between the FN and Ba Sing Se? They could be heavily involved with establishing the FN governance over Ba Sing Se, since the city is already inclined towards royalty.

Favourite episode this season? The Guru. The Blind Bandit and The Swamp are tied for second place.

[castielslostwings]

Please help me tell people about my book!

Hi! I'm publishing a book! It's HERE, just in time for Christmas!! It's GAY!! It's romantic!!! It's HOT! It has firefighters and background sapphic romance, and is exciting AF!!!

I'm very excited, too!

Both U.S. domestic and international friends can order shipped Paperbacks from me directly via my Ko-Fi shop (retailers take less of a cut): https://ko-fi.com/castielslostwings/shop Or you can order on amazon directly, this is the only way to get the KINDLE ebook option: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1945687126

Standard EPUB format is available to download directly from me for $1 cheaper than Amazon: https://ko-fi.com/s/2a82c64d56

And WILL be available at other retailers soon!

Here's the thing: I had a pretty solid platform on Twitter, but since Elon took over, a lot of my followers left, the algorithm crashed, and the whole thing might go under. I don't have the same reach on other platforms, so I need some help! Please share this post if you like GAY SHIT and BOOKS and helping indie content creators be successful!!! Please follow me or check out my ko-fi for updates! Thanks!!! Here's my pitch, hope you like it:

"Fire & Ice": The flaming hot queer romance novel where a foray into BDSM helps two best friends find themselves, each other, and what it really means to burn. Summary: "Firefighter Tripp Truett has somehow tumbled into a whole new kind of relationship with his quirky paramedic best friend, Lee, but mutual relief from their high-stress jobs quickly develops into something more. With all the missed signals and crossed wires, can these two ever figure out that they're so much closer to being on the same page than they think?"

**************************************** About the author (info dump ahoy!!!!) :

I'm Robin, sometimes known as Wings! I'm a 36-year-old, queer, autistic, disabled mom of 2 humans and 5 senior rescue dogs, former R.N. & paramedic. I'm a hardcore fangirl and a proud fanfic writer (and reader), and while I know some people will judge me for that, I am not ashamed! I started writing as a hobby after becoming physically disabled and unable to work as an RN. Fanfic gave me an audience and an outlet, gifted me purpose and hope again. Transformative fiction is FUN! It fosters creativity and passion, heals wounds, and makes people happy. If someone wants to discredit me for that, then perhaps they aren't the audience I'm seeking.

Ultimately, I know I'm taking a risk, but since people seem to enjoy my fics, this book is my attempt to try and make ends meet through original fiction! I know some people WILL discredit me. But I'm always about being myself and speaking on what I feel matters: Fanfic should be legitimized as a creative medium. I assure you, friends—the thousands of hours I've spent on my fanworks are as REAL as it gets. The intersection of disparaging fanfic + sexism/misogyny can't be overstated—women (esp queer women)'s unpaid work is often treated as a "hobby," not worthy of uplifting. I'm here to uplift! The risk is worth it—I would have nothing without fanfic & I'm proud. Younger creators shouldn't feel shame about writing/reading fanfic. We should ALL approach it as a legitimate medium. In fact, MOST new media these days is transformative "fanwork" of SOME kind, whether it's inspired by, based on, or outright rebooting existing worlds.

Plus, we queer folk simply deserve to see our stories in the mainstream media and to see the characters we fall in love, identify with, and root for to get their happily ever afters.

TL;DR: I'm keeping my name and history. Hopefully, I'll be successful in original fiction, but if not, I'll still be a fangirl. Please consider supporting me + other creators attempting to dip into original works. Follow or subscribe to my ko-fi for previews, updates, access to my discord community where I share exclusive content, and more: https://ko-fi.com/castielslostwings FIRE & ICE IS NOW AVAILABLE THROUGH MULTIPLE PLATFORMS! Ko-Fi subscribers will have the option to buy signed copies & merch bundles! The link to purchase will also be posted there first.

A MAJOR thank you to my friends, editors, and to everyone who in my server for supporting and encouraging me to put myself out there and try something new. Love you guys so much. <3 Thank you to @chaoticdean for the beautiful cover. Many more thank yous to come. P.S. If you are reading this and know anyone with a platform who might be interested in receiving a free copy in exchange for promo (only if they enjoy, ofc), please holler at me, I can use all the help I can get!

<3 Wings

[dameronscopilot]

I was just about to beg you for any more Cassian crumbs because I love what you've written for him so far (as well as your writing in general but I'm in a Cassian phase right now 😅) but then I saw that you're taking Kinktober requests and I wanted to ask if you could do Cassian with the lingerie prompt and "I shouldn't allow myself to get this close to you".

If not that's totally fine as well, I'll be looking forward to what you'll write no matter what, but as I said I'd literally take any Cassian crumbs from you ❣

(Thank you so much anon! This ones for you 🧡 Happy almost Cassian Wednesday!)

Off Limits

Cassian Andor x f!reader

Summary: When Cassian Andor goes undercover for the Rebellion and ends up assigned to guard the daughter of an Imperial general, he soon realizes he's bitten off far more than he can chew.

Word Count: 2.2k

Rating: 18+ EXPLICIT

Content: NSFW, smut, masturbation, fingering, unprotected p in v, creampie, rough sex, dirty talk, lingerie

MASTERLIST || MORE KINKTOBER || PART 2 - CROSSING LINES

In retrospect, perhaps Cassian should have anticipated that after his last several missions for the Alliance went off without a hitch, he was due for a royal fuck up eventually. But this mission was supposed to be simple, easy, in and out. He was meant to go undercover on a minor desert planet currently under Imperial occupation; all he needed to do was pose as a soldier and glean whatever information that he could from the unit stationed there. 

However, things quickly went sideways when, three days in, he found himself singled out and selected to be the personal guard for the daughter of the commanding general. While the quarters the general and his family were staying in were guarded day and night regardless, an uptick in Rebel activity on a nearby planet had left the Empire poised and ready for attack at any moment. Cassian had quietly snorted at the accusation, well aware that nobody in the Alliance was moving in on their location just yet. Besides him. 

The change in assignment made Cassian’s plans to clear out in a week’s time nearly impossible, as there was a far greater chance that he’d be seen trying to slip away. And thus as the weeks slipped past, Cassian made the best of it by taking full advantage of his post. In reality, this unexpected turn of events was a blessing to the Rebellion, given the amount of Imperial secrets he was able to eavesdrop on from directly under the general’s roof. 

The real issue was you, the general’s daughter. The general’s adult daughter who clearly despised the Empire and all that her father stood for. His daughter that should have been off living her own life by now, pursuing a career and perhaps raising a family, but instead was caught within the clutches of her father’s iron grip. He was convinced that his status put a direct target on your back for the Rebels, and thus he insisted on keeping you close.

The issue was that you were beautiful, far too beautiful for Cassian to ignore when he spent most hours of the day with your figure somewhere within his line of sight. And while perhaps he could have gotten through the rest of the mission with nothing more than his own hand for relief in the dark privacy of the meager cot he slept on, his self control began to deteriorate at an alarming rate once you began to notice him, too.

It started off small, things like a brush of your hand over his shoulder when you walked past him. You slowly began to engage him in conversation, citing that you couldn’t bear for him to look as dreadfully bored as he did just standing at attention day in and day out. And as your comfort with him grew, you took to playful gestures, like hip checking him on occasion or reaching out to ruffle his hair. But Cassian’s losing battle took a surefire nosedive the day that you shot him a mischievous look before asking him about what kind of a sex life he had as an Imperial soldier. Clearly unconcerned that he’d report back to your father, you went so far as to admit to him that you sometimes made a habit of sneaking off to a cantina to find a willing partner when your father’s unit was stationed planet-side. 

Blatant sexual tension be damned, perhaps Cassian would have been able to keep his restraint in check…if it weren’t for the fateful evening you’d decided you were sneaking out.

—-

After weeks spent on the receiving end of the steady gaze of the handsome soldier, you were entirely at your wits end in sexual frustration. Far too many nights already, you’d had to resort to shoving a cloth in your mouth to hush your moans as you lay in bed, legs spread wide under your silken sheets as you slipped a finger through your folds. Folds that were often soaking wet with arousal by the time night fell after spending all day imagining the way the stubble on the guard’s chin would scratch against the sensitive skin of your inner thighs as he licked his way into your cunt. Sometimes, you liked to imagine him walking into your quarters to check on you in the middle of the night while you were finger fucking yourself, a thought that sent you over the edge of a gushing, knee trembling orgasm.

So needless to say, you were in dire need of company to distract yourself. 

Turning sideways in the mirror, your eyes raked over the undergarments that you’d discreetly purchased on the last planet that your family had been stationed on. While you’d never worn, much less seen, anything like them before, the shopkeeper had insisted that every woman should own a pair. You ran a hand over your backside, which was on clear display with nothing more than a thin strip of fabric running between your cheeks. The bottoms rode high on your waist, accentuating your hips as they dipped toward the sheer fabric that covered your core. Straps connected them to the top portion, which—while it remained firmly in place—let your breasts almost generously spill out as your nipples were on clear display through the lace.

Distracted by marveling at the outfit, you didn’t hear the two brief knocks at your door that signified your guard was coming in. He entered in a rush, and because you were standing no more than a few places from the doorway, he ran directly into you.

As you began to topple sideways, his hands automatically shot out to steady you, and you clocked the exact moment that he realized what you were wearing. Once you were righted, he quickly pulled his hands away from you, throat bobbing as he forcefully directed his attention to a far off point on the other side of the room.

While you could have quickly reached for the robe hanging up nearby and simply swept the whole matter under the rug, you stood there for another beat instead, helpless to stop the next words that fell from your lips.

Teasingly, you asked, “What, do I look that terrible?”

He sputtered, coughing for a moment, an incredulous look briefly passing over his face before he schooled his features back to neutrality. “Not at all.”

Fueled by some unseen source of courage, perhaps the confidence boost you felt as you took another peek at yourself in the mirror out of the corner of your eye, you challenged, “Then why won’t you look at me?”

He didn’t respond, instead choosing to look down at the floor, inspecting his shoes. But the slight tick of his jaw and the subtle way he clenched his fist told you everything you needed to know. You took three steps forward, closing the distance between the two of you, and reached out to gently cup his chin, making him look at you.

There was undeniable heat in his gaze as he looked into your eyes, and his voice was noticeably rough as he said, “I shouldn’t allow myself to get this close to you.”

“I’d rather it be you than a random stranger,” you replied simply.

You reached down, placing his hand on your breast, and he carefully ran a thumb over your peaked nipple. 

“I think about this every night,” you told him.

He nodded, bringing his other hand up as he began to massage both of your breasts. “I know, I’ve heard you pleasuring yourself.”

Though you burned with embarrassment, you didn’t shy away from his touch as you asked, “What have you heard?”

Dipping his hands inside of the bra to scoop up your tits and lift them out of the fabric, he chuckled. “The wet squelching of your pretty little cunt as you shove your fingers in there. The way your bed creaks as you’re plunging into yourself. The muffled little cries you try to hide when you finish.”

As the words left his mouth, you clenched your legs together, feeling the arousal that had begun to drip from your entrance. 

“So you like to just stand there and listen to me?”

Shaking his head, he leaned down, taking one of your nipples into his mouth to suck on it. After releasing it, he replied, “No, I like to wrap my hands around my cock and imagine my fist is your tight little cunt.”

A jolt of pleasure shot down your spine, and you licked your lips.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” He continued.

You nodded. “Please.”

“Tell me what you want,” he drawled, running a hand up the side of your neck.

“I want you to fuck me,” you breathed out, and he leaned in, pressing his lips to yours in a bruising kiss. 

Slowly, you began to walk backward as he licked his way into your mouth, pulling him with you until the backs of your knees hit the edge of your bed. You scooted onto the mattress, grabbing the guard by the collar and pulling him on top of you. 

–

Cassian’s mouth went dry as he propped himself up above you on the bed, staring down at your nearly naked body, each and every curve and dip on display for his hungry eyes. While there were a thousand reasons for him to turn around and walk out that door, he couldn’t be bothered to care as you took two of his fingers into your mouth and began to suck on them. The fucking Rebellion could wait.

His breath hitched as you bobbed your head, swirling your tongue around the digits and sucking them with fervor. Reaching down, he adjusted his throbbing cock, which was straining in a battle with the confines of his pants. You took notice and propped your leg up, placing your knee directly in between his legs. Cassian nearly choked as you firmly pressed against his length, bucking his hips in response and grinding downward.

–

Though he remained in his uniform, the guard slipped his curved, leaking shaft free, and you rolled over onto your stomach, presenting your backside to him. An appreciative sound left his mouth as he palmed the curves of your ass and ran one finger down the flimsy piece of fabric that disappeared between your cheeks. 

You keened when he pulled your hips upward slightly, pitching your ass into the air as your face remained pressed into the pillow. Gently, he hooked a finger in the piece of fabric and pulled it aside to reveal your slit. A finger prodded at your entrance, and you immediately thrust your hips backward, pushing it inside of you.

“Eager,” he commented, amused.

You moaned as he began to slowly pump in and out, his finger sliding easily through your soaking wet channel. As he inserted another, you shifted backward again, attempting to fuck yourself on his fingers. 

He brought a hand up to rest on your lower back. “Easy, princess. Be patient.”

The moment you felt the head of his length press against your hot core, you whined, and he slowly began to sink into you. One of his hands still kept the fabric of your bottoms pulled to the side, and the tug of the material where it now felt tight at your hips heightened the pleasure that was coiling in your gut. 

Once he bottomed out deep inside of your cunt, he slowly began to drag his cock back out of you, setting a steady rhythm. But you wanted more.

“Harder.”

You didn’t need to tell him twice. Without warning, his hips snapped against yours, balls slapping against your ass as he began to roughly pound your pussy. He gripped the back of your neck with one hand, pushing you down harder against the mattress as his cock massaged your slick inner walls, the sound of smacking flesh echoing throughout the room.

The heat licking its way up your abdomen grew scorching hot as his thrusts began to grow sloppy and desperate. When he snaked one hand around your front to rub circles on your clit, you cried out into the pillow, your cunt clenching down and gushing on his shaft as your climax crested.

He continued to ravage your hole, hips stuttering as his own orgasm approached, and you turned your head to the side as you said, “Cum inside of me.”

A strangled moan left his lips as he panted out, “What would the general think if he knew I was stuffing his precious daughter full of cum?”

“Fill me so deep that it’s leaking out of me for days.”

His hands gripped your hips tightly as he groaned, burying himself in you to the hilt, and you felt it as thick, hot spurts of cum pulsed out of his cock, filling your cunt to the brim.

—

After Cassian pulled his spent shaft from you, momentarily pressing two fingers to your entrance in an attempt to stop the flood of cum that was about to gush out, both of you eventually collapsed side by side on the bed.

You gazed into his eyes, and after a few beats of silence passed, you smirked at him as you said, “Now tell me who you really are.”

Read Part 2 - CROSSING LINES

—

Comments, reblogs, and/or asks are always appreciated!

» CASSIAN ANDOR MASTERLIST

[starleska]

*pokes head in* hey guys!! did i miss much? i missed you 🫂💖

bit of a ramble/venty-type post under the cut:

my apologies for being away for a bit. i had a pretty major trauma anniversary clashing with some painful interpersonal stuff, and i realised being online all of the time was really sapping my mental health. i spent a few days disconnected from social media, and it helped tremendously. then i decided to try an experiment: what if i logged on to my usual socials each day, and scrolled until i came across something saddening, angry, or discourse-heavy...and then logged out, not to use it for the rest of the day?

i did exactly that, and was astonished. every day, it was within ten minutes. the first day, it was within 2 minutes. the second, it was within 7. the third, it was within 5. this has really caused me to re-evaluate my relationship with social media and fanworks creation. i was in the middle of an extraordinarily painful, ridiculous dispute that just wouldn't happen in real life, all while creating at an impossible speed and burning myself down to the wick everyday, convincing myself that it was fun and i was enjoying myself. now i've had time to be free of those self-imposed responsibilities and disconnected from algorithms engineering me to be sad and angry. disconnected from awful, painful imagery and discussions every second of the day...and it works!!! my mind feels so much freer. i've been writing, and drawing, and reading, and meeting with friends. life's been moving forward in a good way. it's been interesting, not having the weight of social fandom begging me to Make Stuff. i'm still very sad about recent events, but i think it was a wake-up call that i just. need to step away more often. be more present irl. take better care of myself physically and mentally, including walking away from situations which aren't good for me. and if you're feeling that kind of hair-trigger anxiety where you're exhausted, burnt-out and always doomscrolling...maybe try giving what i've done a shot. the first 24 hours really are like a withdrawal, but you feel so much better afterwards 💖 but yeah - i'm glad to be back, although i'm going to try to be less active. Twitter was the main offender - i've always found Tumblr to be a much nicer, more curated space where i'm less likely to be exposed to triggering material, but this shouldn't be my life. the thing i missed most was chatting with you guys, and seeing your lovely, silly posts and art. i don't want to be connected 24/7 anymore, but i do want more moments like that 🫂

[rambleonwaywardson]

First line analysis

Rules: post the first lines of up to 10 of your last fics/chapters posted on AO3 or your WIPs and try to draw some conclusions.

Thank you @alienoresimagines and @avonne-writes for the tag. Sorry it took me a hot minute to do it, but I spent two days straight writing the next part of the Olympics AU 😭

Sous Le Ciel de Paris - "Pour Toujours" (comings soon!!) "Believe it or not, John knows he fucked up."

Sous Le Ciel de Paris - "Event Finals Part 2" "Quiet. Something an Olympic stadium should never be unless the lights are out, the arena closed, the athletes gone, no one but security to roam its empty seats."

Sous Le Ciel de Paris - "Event Finals Part 1" "The first day of individual event finals, Bucky is alone."

Sous Le Ciel de Paris - "Opening Ceremonies" "'We really shouldn't be here,' Croz laughs as they crowd against the railing of the boat, athletes pressed together on all sides.

To the Moon and Back - Chapter 14 "We're all made of stardust, Gale likes to say."

To the Moon and Back - Chapter 13 "It might have been better if Bucky didn't dream."

To the Moon and Back - Chapter 12 "In one year, the earth circles the sun exactly one time at approximately 67,000 miles per hour."

I'll Keep You Warm (older one shot but I love it) "Sometimes it's the quietest nights that end up bearing the most pain"

Lonely Traveler (also older but I love how I wrote it) "War messes with your mind in a way that a civilian will never fully understand."

I definitely feel like when it comes to To the Moon and Back, as well as some of my one shots, I really like to start with something deep/philosophical that introduces the feeling/mindset of the characters. I don't do that so much with Sous le Ciel de Paris, since it's meant to be more fun (but I still do it!). In that case, I often start with whatever is happening in the life of the character I'm opening with, which most often ends up being John. Looking through older chapters of both AUs, these trends continue. My third most common opener is, of course, dialogue, since that gives a good idea of where a scene is starting.

Since I'm so late to actually doing this, not sure who has been tagged! But I'll tag @onyxsboxes @swifty-fox if you haven't already done it.

[unpickled-olive]

brain is healing

I've always been depressed, but before grad school, I had interests. I was teaching myself woodworking, building things, drawing plans, and restoring rusty hand planes. I had bought my first ever digital microphone and was recording (bad) music. I was practicing the violin on a semi-regular basis.

I also had hyperfixations. I always loved the experience of being obsessed with something for a few weeks at a time, even if I felt empty when the feeling passed. Spending three weeks learning about homesteading, or being a travel therapist, or rollerskating, or learning Arabic.

Grad school wasn't a decision I made out of passion but out of necessity. After getting my Bachelor's in Linguistics (not a hireable degree but an extremely interesting one), I went as far I could with entry-level jobs before going broke and having a mental breakdown. So I decided that if I couldn't find a job I was passionate about, I would get one that where I could 1. decently support myself, 2. do something meaningful for others, and 3. have the freedom to pursue passions outside of work. My dream job became one where I worked 3.5 days a week.

The conclusion was to build upon my background in linguistics and go into healthcare via speech-language pathology.

But when grad school started, I noticed how quickly all of my passion evaporated. Over night, there was suddenly no more planning, drawing, violin-making.

From week 2 to week 100 of school, I didn't have any thoughts about it. I was emotionally drained and too busy to think about enjoying life. I felt like I'd sold my soul for a stable job and when summer and, winter breaks didn't allow me to do anything but sleep, I figured I would be like that forever.

The one creative thing I did that entire time was write a short little sci-fi story. While trying to read a research paper in the student lounge, I suddenly had an idea and deleted the notes I was taking. For three hours, I did nothing but sit there and type. But due to how inundated in academia I was, it was both super morbid (a story about how Earth is the only planet where life degrades and dies due to ageing) and super academic (it took the form of a research paper written by horrified alien observers). I was so in that world that the only thing I could write had an abstract, an intro, a methodology, a results section, and a discussion.

I'm currently 4 months free of grad school (I say like I'm in recovery), and I've noticed that passion and interest are slowly dripping back into my life. I've spent the last few days reading about Proto-Indo-Europeans, just for fun. I read a BOOK. I'm contemplating building an English joiner's bench. I'm even motivated enough to post something personal on a blog no one will ever read.

These days, learning feels like it takes more effort than it did before. I have this feeling that there isn't room in my brain for any more things, so I shouldn't get too excited. It feels like that, and like the inertia of not having exercised in so long. But I notice this feeling lessening with each month.

This is all to say: grad school couldn't kill my soul forever—it could only kill it for two and a half years.

[medsocionwheels]

Wheelchair Access Does Not Mean Shit Without COVID Precautions

I just spent the last 2 hours trying to compose the most polite email possible explaining to my fellow graduate students that requesting everyone suggest wheelchair-accessible locations to hold our IN-PERSON graduate recruitment event next month is nice, but a futile effort if disability access is the goal.

I have spent the last 7 years begging for this email. Begging to not have to fucking ask for a change of venue because I cannot get in the door. I am STILL our department's ONLY wheelchair user. I am one of 2 people in our department who still takes COVID-19 somewhat seriously--the other person is a somewhat, I'm totally serious. So, I'm one of 2 people in our department who still wore a mask on campus last semester after the first month of class. I am the ONLY one to refuse to be in our building unmasked. Just like the wheelchair access, I have repeatedly stressed the need for COVID-19 mitigations. Nobody wants to wear masks, and nobody wants to offer a virtual option, and nobody wants to admit these things to me so they end up ignoring me every time I bring it up. Yet ALMOST EVERYONE wants to comment on my absence from departmental life for the last three years.

I shouldn't be this frustrated. If you saw my earlier blog post today, though, you already know that it was on this issue. The blog post was planned. Discovering the gem of an email from one of our first-year graduate students was not.

I couldn't leave it. I'm the only wheelchair user in our department, and I'm the only one with chronic illness who is openly concerned about COVID. I have no idea about the recruits.

I wanted to be abrasive. I wanted to bring up how infuriating it is that they have the audacity to bring up wheelchair access for the first fucking time this year when our weekly events are still in one of the least accessible rooms on campus. I wanted to tell them how I have been sitting with my fury, watching their group-me posts raving over one COVID superspreader event after another, being nice enough not to lash out and tell them how fucked up that behavior was.

Instead, I thanked them for acknowledging the need for wheelchair access and proceeded to "provide sociological insight" on why COVID-19 precautions are necessary for disability access. Then I contextualized things in terms of my class privilege compared to other disabled people and other graduate students. And I offered to help them make the events COVID-safe.

My response to the situation is a perfect example of the exhausting dynamic I was writing about earlier. We are still fighting for disability access that we started pre-COVID, and we can't even celebrate those wins because they are paired with the knowledge that events remain more inaccessible to disabled people than they were prior to the pandemic. It means sitting at the bottom of the stairs with our wheels while the non-disableds rave about "progress" and other bullshit like that.

Non-disabled progress means putting in a ramp, but missing the part where that ramp is attached to a building on top of a mountain, and the only way up the mountain is a large staircase. Your ramp does not mean much if we cannot get to the flat ground because it is elevated and only accessible by stairs.

Your ramp does not mean shit if you plan to give us COVID.

Holy fuck this is so exhausting.

[writingnocturne]

A Simple Request

This is my contribution to @zelinkcommunity's Zelink Week 2023! Day Three: Letters

Look below the break to read! Be sure to check out everyone else's work, as well! They did great!

{ For this week, I will be posting a little peek at art/writing for memories in Call of the Forgotten, a TotK rewrite I am working on (there will obviously be direct and indirect spoilers for TotK). These memories will be posted out of order and are subject to change. They follow the Ancient Hero and Princess during the time of the First Great Calamity. }

Memory ?? – A Simple Request

"Naboris, revered Sage of Lighting and hero of the Gerudo– …Is that too much? Too little?" Princess Zelda leans over a desk, where she tirelessly has spent her morning writing drafts upon drafts of letters. "...I really am sorry, Link, we've been here all day." She glances at the boy sitting on the other side. He looks entirely spaced out, his hair loosely hanging over his bored expression. "But how am I supposed to send for them? I'm not my father. I am not the one they pledged their loyalty to… Yet I have so much to ask of them. Oh, I can't keep going back and forth on this forever! Link, please look over this for me!" Zelda shoves the parchment over to him.

( Word Count – 489 )

Link blinks, snapping out of it as the overwhelming array of symbols meets his gaze. A wave of a foreign feeling rams into him in an abruptly harsh fashion. His eyes go wide and his face becomes as red as his hair. Confused silence suffocates the both of them; but somehow this silence has a different air on either side of the desk. The princess tilts her head, eventually deciding to break it.

"...Link? If you don't want to read it, you don't have to–" She pauses, again, as Link anxiously makes eye contact with her. It's as if someone has shone a light right in his face! What is with that look? He's entirely distressed! Zelda reaches for the parchment. "...Oh, these diplomatic matters must be completely out of place compared to what you're used to. I shouldn't have asked, it must be too much."

"...princess–" He finally pipes up, but all he can force out is a murmur of her name. "I… want to help, but I–"

"What?" Zelda narrows her eyes. She has hardly ever seen Link so… shy. He is usually sturdy and focused, that is for sure. The princess returns her eyes to the writing, then Link. It is then that it comes to her. "Oh my– You don't know how to… No one ever taught you to read?" Her companion confirms this with a defeated nod of his head, but there is so little of a motion that she could have missed it entirely. "I suppose that makes sense… You know, perhaps I need to clear my head some, myself." She exchanges her struggling attempts of messages for a blank roll. "Would you like me to teach you? It will take more than one lesson, of course… but I could start with teaching you the characters."

There is a moment of hesitation from Link. He stares towards Zelda again, yet this time his eyes don't fear embarrassment. She seems fully serious. After considering his options, he briefly nods in affirmation. It may be worth not making a fool of himself at a later date.

"Alright." The princess gives a subtle but genuine, gentle smile. "Let's start somewhere simple."

Thank you for reading! Check out the first concept doodles of them here! Obviously, this is all very incomplete; but most is planned out thoroughly! If you have questions, just ask!

Art Info: (Check my art blog @nocturnalfandomartist!)

Program: Ibis Paint X

Time Elapsed: 2 hours, 57 minutes

[captainvulcant]

ATLA Live Action Review

I will preface this by saying that largely I enjoyed watching ATLA and I would watch a season 2, would even look forward to a season 2.

However, I did have a lot of issues with this series, issues which I don't feel can be solved by saying "well it's a different series it shouldn't be an exact copy paste of the original". If their changes are worse than the original then that is a failing, and there was a lot which was objectively worse. I'll begin with:

Dialogue Are these things written by AI now or something? The dialogue was giving me "I forced an AI to watch x hours of halmark movies and write one for me" but for your standard adventure series. Listen, we have had this already in 100s of other series and films. ATLA is so unique, could we not have kept the dialogue to that style instead of the expositiony "It's my responsibility" style basic adventure hero stuff? At best it was dull, at worst it was actively cringy. I felt that Zuko and Iroh's dialogue was better and most engaging, no real issues there, but only on a couple of occasions did I experience the Gaang's characteristics and dynamic that I was hoping for from the dialogue.

Music Would have very much liked to have heard some East-Asian instruments and music style. The bog-standard western orchestra did the same as mentioned above: it's dull, it's predictable, it didn't bring me into the world it took me out of it. I was metaphorically taking a shot every time the orchestra swelled at a dramatic or poignant moment. The exception was the little Leaves from the Vine motif they dotted in around Iroh, that was wonderful. Could have done with more of that for Aang's emotional moments.

Exposition So much exposition. Imo they shouldn't have shown the air nomads being attacked. We should have seen Aang fly off and then seen the fire nation making its way up the mountain ominously (on foot!! why do the firebenders have bending jet packs now??? this defeats the later plot??? why can everyone fly now????) before cutting to black. If they really wanted to show it it could have been in quick flashbacks as Aang makes his way through the air temple, which I think would have made it feel more personal to Aang and more devastating. As it was I was just reminded of Star Wars through the whole thing (so many Star Wars vibes at the air temple it really threw me off). Dialogue exposition also awful. If they had spent less time explaining every single plot point to the audience like we're stupid and more on the relationship between the characters and character development we might have actually felt like we progressed from episode 1 to 8. Which leads me to:

Characterisation I'm considering making an entirely different post for this honestly, but here it is in brief. I think we really lost something in this series, and for that I blame the 8 episode thing Netflix is obsessed with. The actors did a good job I felt, particularly with a script that was more rote phrases and platitudes than wise words and attitudes. We didn't really get to see friendships developing, they were just there. We didn't see the characters grow, and the issues which they faced and overcame in the series (which worked perfectly well!!!) have been changed for no reason. Sokka's dad was disappointed in him?? Why???? We already have Zuko whose dad is disappointed in him. I love Sokka's original character, I love seeing him getting over his mysogyny. You know what might have been helpful, in 2024 where all studies show that young men who spend time online become more conservative and sexism is rife?? Maybe showing that it's ok to change your views, that it's ok to work with and respect women, that people will still love you, and that it's not always your fault when you're taught stupid shit. That would have been useful. Taking away that aspect of his character meant changing Katara's and Sukis, and not for the better!!!! Like jesus Suki, my poor Suki. She's such a cool character in the animation. She has responsibility, she is competent and cool and knows her place in the world, but is also open to the idea of change. Why did they make her so awkward (original Suki is fun and funny as well) and unsure? And more parent drama?? Again??? Do they only have one plot?

I also felt that by missing key episodes like the Northern Air Temple we really missed out on Aang's character from the animation, and the emotional weight those scenes could have brought. This Aang doesn't goof off, he's already learned his lesson. This Aang doesn't struggle to balance his beliefs as an airbender (the last airbender, the only one who can continue them) with his job as the avatar, he's just 100% up for the fighting with no conflict. This is a huge part of his character's original internal struggle (and a massive plot point later on) and it feels like we lost something by taking it out.

Final Thoughts Once again, I did enjoy the series. I got super emotional at some parts, I particularly enjoyed the first 4 episodes. Overall I liked the casting and I think the actors did a pretty good job and I'm excited to see where this will go in season 2.

But, I do think that we are allowed to criticise and compare things. I'm seeing a lot of people on here being like stop over-analysing things!! No, lol. Firstly, this is tumblr, the over-analysing website. If you want a superficial review go to tiktok. Secondly, if I had one thing to place the blame on for my issues with this series it's that it is more generic and dumbed down than a cartoon made for kids almost 20 years ago. I am not alone in thinking that media is becoming very basic and sanitised (while at the same time becoming more explicit and violent? It's like no we can't have nuance or complex issues but we will show you explicit sex scenes and awful violence) and also it all feels the same. And I do think we should be wary of the homogenisation of media.

[quietlyqueering]

I'm gonna write down a bit about the hospital stay for my hysterectomy. Mostly, so that I remember it better.

Four days before the surgery I had to go to the hospital and do all the admission stuff and had my talks with the surgeon and the anaesthetist where I could also ask if I had any more questions. They also gave me a syringe for thrombosis protection that I had to inject the evening before surgery.

On the day of surgery I wasn't allowed to eat or drink and I had to be in hospital at 7 am. There I had to change into the surgery gown and pants and was informed that I needed to shave my pubic area, so I did that. I also had some blood taken. Shortly after, I was wheeled to the surgery preparation where I changed into another bed, got my IV and all the monitoring devices and was then put under.

I don't remember much of the rest of the day because I was extremely tired after. I just remember that I felt like I needed to pee really badly and tried to get up several times because it hadn't quite sunk in that I just had surgery and shouldn't move. My brain somehow couldn't comprehend the people telling me that I had a catheter, so I didn't actually needed to pee and that I should stay in bed. They had to put the rails up on the sides of my bed because of that. The most part of the day I spent sleeping, I ate like 1/5 of a slice of bread and a pickle for dinner and then slept again. The nurse looking after me was really nice and also complimented me on my name which made me happy.

The first day after surgery I woke up and was in a moderate amount of pain but still to sleepy to really care. In the morning the catheter and the tamponade (some stuff that was in the vagina to prevent bleeding) were removed which was mostly uncomfortable and not very painful. Later that morning the doctors came, had a look at my wounds, removed the drain I had in one of my sutures and was told that everything had gone well. After that I was allowed to get up (the first time with help) and try peeing which worked quite well. I spent the rest of the day sleeping and reading and calling my parents to tell them I was fine (the day before I had only managed a short text).

On the second day after surgery I was way more awake and started to walk around my room for a bit. I was still in a significant amount of pain but could alway get pain meds when it got to bad. Most of the time I read or listened to music and I also slept a bit during the day. The doctors only checked in shortly to ask if everything was alright and to tell me that I was allowed to take a shower now. So I did that because I felt a bit greasy and disgusting. It was exhausting but managable. I was also told that day that I needed to get my bowel movement going before I could leave. As that still hadn't happened by the evening, I then got a laxative.

The next night was a bit more uncomfortable because the laxative was working its way through my stomach but by the early morning I could finally poop. That meant I could leave onthe third day after surgery. In the morning the doctor had a final look at my insides via ultrasound and removed the last bandaid. She also showed me some pictures from during the surgery. I was then given some more thrombosis syringes for the next few days ( I hate them; I hate needles and it's painful a lot of the time) and waited for my ride to pick me up and drive me home. During that wait I realised that the wound where the bandaid had been removed had been bleeding quite a lot so for the next few hours I had some very bloody pants. But fortunately by the time I realised this, it had already stopped bleeding.

Okay, that was a long post. If you've read it and still have questions feel free to ask them (here or in the asks).

Edit: I was told that I'm not allowed to lift more than 5 kg and do sports for 6 weeks after surgery. The stitches get removed 7 days after surgery. Also I'm still in enough pain to take pain killers 2-3 times a day.

[nostalgia-tblr]

The dark world thought. Loki keeps calling thor brother (mostly to annoy him) in the movie. idk why but i was hoping at least once thor would scream at him and say "STOP CALLING ME THAT"

Note to self: watch Thor 2: The Dark World. See, I think it's the other way round, and my answer involves thoughts I had about the thorki fic I inisist I will never write so fair warning for that BUT of the two it's Loki who's far more likely to insist they're not really brothers and shouldn't call each other that. A thought I had from the first film and then failed to post (I don't post ALL my thoughts on tumblr! Just most of them!) was that the 'worthy' aspect of Mjolnir is very vague and Loki would spend hours and hours trying to pin down 'what does worthy mean,' and utterly convinced that even if he isn't going to fit the criteria there must be a loophole somewhere in the wording that he can use. Whereas Thor probably hasn't spent much time worrying about that - either you're worthy or you're not and the magic hammer just knows which it is. Somehow.

Similarly I don't think Thor cares much about whether he and Loki were technically born to the same parents or even if they're the same species, because they are brothers, they've always been brothers, how can they not be brothers? Meanwhile Loki's upended life largely revolves around the fact that pedantically, legally, whateverly, they aren't really brothers and they never were. Which is why he's open to things getting incestuous now while Thor is still repulsed by his own unbrotherly yearnings. Don't be daft, Thor, we're obviously not brothers, stop calling me that it's not true you're just repeating someone else's lie! But what else would Thor call his brother? It may have been a lie to begin with, and it still might be a lie to other people, but having spent centuries thinking they were brothers and acting like they were then how is that relationship not them being brothers? Had Loki actually been his brother by blood it wouldn't have made a difference so in practical terms how are they suddenly not brothers just because Loki turned out to be a Frost Giant?

Thor wants Loki to stop causing problems and to stop being a dick, but he doesn't want him to stop being his brother (were such a thing even possible in his mind). Whereas Loki's life of crime or even just life on the run would be a lot easier if he didn't have a brother to worry about and who insists on worrying about him.

tl;dr: I got lost about halfway through my answer, sorry. I have more thoughts on this matter than my usually flippant comments might suggest D: D:

[kerryweaverlesbian]

for the ask thing->😅🥺🤡😈🛒✨️💌❌️👀🧠🤲✅️ (for the 🧠 i choose cas hehe)

omg thats so many but 👉👈 yk

mwuah <3

I just spent a FULL half hour trying to find the post this was from and I finally found it by remembering I reblogged it from @castielsprostate and getting to August 6th from another post and scrolling down to august 4th from there. Anon if you're out there....my answer is crossing time and space to reach you....also BIG KISS FOR Y9OU AS WELL

😅 What's a story or scene you've created that you're a smidge embarrassed exists?

I'll be honest, I think this one, ineffable husbands observatory date was kinda cowardly haha. In it I pretend like Aziraphale wasn't fully about to shoot a kid. I think I should have let that be a true moment of darkness! These days I wouldn't shy away from it I think.

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

uargh. 'I don't need to be taken care of' 'but I WANT to take care of you'. Kills me dead every time.

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh?

haha almost every fic I write has something that made me laugh!! An undervalued one, from my Jo/Bela heist fic:

She doesn’t get like this. She doesn’t get distracted on the job, she doesn’t get flustered over sly little compliments, she doesn’t want to be seen. Why did it have to be here, now, on her biggest job in years? “You know,” Jo says, unperturbed by the mental anguish she was causing, biting off the end of the thread with her teeth, “since we’re partners, we should get matching balaclavas.” And why was it for someone so stupid? “All balaclavas are matching,” Bela says, and Jo smiles up at her cheekily, proving she only said it to wind her up, “and we’re not partners.” “We’re totally partners! We look out for each other.” “No. You’re not on my level. It’d be like saying Michelangelo and his finger painting niece were partners.” “Fine,” Jo huffs, “accomplices?” “You are an accessory at best.” “Yeah? Do I rate above or below your shoes?” Bela pretends to think about it. “So far my shoes have done more quality work for this shindig than you, so I suppose the jury is still out.”

Actually you know what. Fuck it I'm doing 2. You can't stop me!!!! This is from my Cas timetravels to the episode Faith fic

"What year is it?" Cas asks suddenly. "Uh." Maybe he shouldn't tell him. That's one of those concussion questions, right? He doesn't want to fuck up his examination. "What year do you think it is?" "It is certainly within the AD range," Cas says, deadpan, and he doesn't laugh when Dean does but his frown does lighten. He looks expectant, so Dean caves: "It's 2005. The year of the rooster. Or, as I like to say, the year of -" "Cock. Yes. I've heard it before."

😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?

hmmmmm! There is one in one that I'm writing right now in fact! This is Endverse Cas, talking to Dean about Endverse Dean:

"Did you know," Cas says, leaning right into Dean's space, the smell of weed and dank sweat rolling off him, "He trusts me. He needs me. He - what did he say? Oh, yeah. He couldn't do this without me."

A cruel play on the Crypt scene - "I need you". Maybe people won't pick up on it but I have the intention of being mean.

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

Themes....you ask me of themes...would you ask mozart of staves...jdsavbhfav I'm kidding about. I love themes my book club and anyone I've beta'd for will tell you!! In my own work, I like animal imageryyyyy. Dean is a dog (and sometimes rabbits), Bela is a rabbit, Jo is a horse, Cas is birds. I like scenes characters talking around things but both understanding what they mean. OR, the inverse, when one of them THINKS they're being perfectly clear and straightforward and the other one is coming to very different conclusions. And grief. And absence highlighted by an intense focus on objects. I think that last one is most clearly done in The Aftermath, Time/Body Problem and Brought to the Flame. I OBVIOUSLY love make-out scenes lol. Scenery used as character! It is the only way I am able to write scenery!!

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

I am...good at weaving scenes together. Dialogue and exposition and jokes and deeper character moments. Pacing, I think, would be the word. I heard some advice from the guy who wrote Not Going Out: if you end a scene high, the next "should" (usually) start or become low, and vice versa. We did it! We fucked it up. Things are looking fucking bleak. There's a moment of hope!! Peaks and valleys yknow. See here I am deflecting my compliment to someone else's advice ajkfsjbv. I write good original characters who don't distract from the narrative, how about that!! And titles! You didn't ask but my favourite titleset I've ever done is my [aged up]Bela/Edward kinky series Frames of Mind. The first is called Metacognition because Edward is thinking about Bela thinking about him (and metacognition means thinking about thought) and the second is Projection because Edward is mentally prjecting himself into the threesome Bela is in. And Bela's putting him in there too, in her mind. Also, I do a lot of stupid jokes in these, I was seriously debating a third in that catagory. I suggest that Edward turned one of his pet mice into a vampire, and that Bela's being lusted after by a swamp monster. <3

💌 How do you feel about comments and feedback?

I LOVE THEM. I LOVE I AM IN LOVE. To any person who has ever commented on anything I've ever written (apart from that one bot lol) I kiss you I kiss you I kiss you a thousand times. Knowing that people took the time to read my works and say what they thought, even if they thought "<3" or "nice"...it's so kind. Also every beta reader I've ever had, I keep their joyful comments active so I can reread them over and over <3 shout out to @sonorousangels @eboyeasy @homoangel @sweater-soup and @mrcowboydeanwinchester <3

❌ What's a trope you will never write?

Never, huh....? Hm. I like a lot of things, I think there's a way to make pretty much any trope interesting if you think about it long enough. I think it's unlikely that I'd ever write something with a matchmaker!character, like, get a life? lol. It's often foisted on Sam or ANY nearby female character. BUT I do think you could make that interesting potentially, if that character was the protagonist. Like, why ARE you so obsessed with them, why DON'T you have anything going on in your own life, how can you break out of that and come to see your friends as people again instead of dollies?

btw, complete tangent, one time at [redacted] I met an old lady and told her my name and she said. "You have the same name as my dolly." Not even, the doll has the same name as ME. I have the same name as HER DOLL. Horror movie type interaction.

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

Perhaps I should have preread these questions and mentioned my smoking sequel here lmao. OH WELL. I will talk about another!

I am working on a Cas timetravel fic wherein (late-)s4 Castiel (who is considering rebellion) gets pulled to...s15? ish? And Dean is NOT coping well with having a younger Castiel who doesn't have anything to resent Dean for yet, and Cas is trying to reconcile his jealousy and his resurfaced guilt (this Castiel hasn't done any of the things Cas despises himself for yet, and he's lonely and untethered, but he's also not as much of a Person and Cas can only take so much Angel Mode Bluntness and he misses Jack while Castiel it there). Also. Well the Castiels do make out but I mean. It's my fic. It was sort of inevitable.

🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them. Castiel.

Cas is the tv angel!!!!!! He doesn't read very much, he watches tellyvision! He watches old sit coms at any available moment, and he does NOT get the MAJORITY of the jokes but he adores the laugh track and I love him. And, king of sick burns that he is, he'd pick up some good ones. I think if he was explaining it, perhaps to Dean, he'd say something like that he likes that "Humans have, with every theme and concept available to them, so often chosen to imagine a softer world, where the consequences are limited to a punchline, and there is a constant unity and connection with others. When you laugh at Niles Crane, you laugh with every other being in that room at that time. A snapshot of the past, with its defined limits, to a timeless creature such as myself, it has a remarkable beauty. Also, I enjoy the antics of the little dog."

🤲 Would you please share a snippet of a wip?

I REALLY should have read ahead haha. This is frommmmm I can't really say what it's about without spoilers. Um. It is a plot fic wherein Cas returns post-empty and Dean is a little TOO happy about it. This is from the opening:

Cas wakes up in a car wreck. He pushes himself up from the smoking bonnet gingerly, and hears the crumple of metal below. He'd made an impact; a whole stack of rusted vehicals have been crushed beneath him, threatening the integrity of the surrounding towers of scrap. He doesn't remember the fall. The last thing he remembers is - Dean, the confession, the debt being paid. There's a pervasive ache in his muscles and his heart is beating at a sickening pace, as if he'd been running for a long time. It's possible that he had been. [...] "Dean?" Cas asks, and gets an answer he didn't expect. There's a tired sigh on the other end of the line, and Sam's voice says: "Who is this helping?" "Sam, it's me. I'm at Bobby's. I need someone to pick me up." A faint, plastic-y creak. Cas imagines Sam pressing his flip phone against his forehead. His voice is distant, mournful, "Can't you guys leave any bodies in the ground?" "Sam?" "It's not going to work. I wish you'd all stop trying." Closer, now, louder, "Just leave him alone, you hear me? You better leave him the hell alone!" The line goes dead. Cas tries calling again, but even with his Grace it doesn't go through...

✅ What's something that appears in your fics over and over and over again, even if you don't mean to?

Haha, Meg. Okay, serious answer...............whenever I do sex it always turns romantic and sweet at some point. Even the "rough sex" in my jo/bela heist, it IS rough sex and then ALSO Jo says "You're really special and I like you". In my kinky vampire rimming fic! When they just reference having other sex offscreen in my struck by lighting blowjob fic! The closest I get to not going crazy romantic is in the pseudo-sex scenes of my grace feeding fic but even then it's echoed in a sweetie darling honeypie way later.

I think I may deep down be a romantic at heart.

Uah the end!! Did you know I have posted 54 fics to Ao3??? That's wild. 39 of them are for the CW's Supernatural. Thank you sooooooo much for asking meeee as you can see I love talking about my own writing. I put a lot of thought into it!