#i spend way too long on that thang

[krytus]

a week ago i was ready to give up on kings blood and today i just finished outlining each new chapter of the restructuring/rewrite im doing 😌.....

[marsbotz]

slamming my fists against the floor like an animal thinkinh abt dadfario

[avis-writeshq]

05 — enchanted

summary: “please don’t be in love with someone else”/“please don’t have somebody waiting on you.”  pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader genre: best friends to lovers, mutual pining, fluff, slow burn, no use of (Y/N) warnings: alcohol (reader gets drunk lmfao), jealousy, slight miscommunication, austin (aka: bartender girl from s4), special mention to special people wc: 4.9k a/n: everyone say thank you @astrophileous for beta-reading MWAH ilyvm zara <33 SPARKS FLY MASTERLIST // MAIN MASTERLIST

Although you haven’t been a part of the BAU for more than one year, it didn’t stop you from maintaining the connections that you had in all your years of working there. Sure, the scheduling times could be better, but that didn’t stop the team from spending their rare day off to spend time with you. After all, the adjustment of seeing you every day to once in a blue moon was a difficult one to make. 

O’Keefe’s has been the main victim of the team’s shenanigans, its doors open for the seven members of law enforcement, all eager to get their hands on some well earned rest and relaxation. Drinks are passed around the booth and you can’t help but laugh as you watch Derek get his ‘groove thang on’ with a few girls in the bar. Today is one of the rare occasions when the team didn’t have a case, an even rarer day when the team didn’t have to take on any new or incoming cases. 

“How’s life treating you?” Emily asks cheerfully, sipping at her strawberry daiquiri. You gather that tonight is one of those nights.

You smile, sipping at your own beverage of choice. “Good! Way less stressful than working at the BAU, that’s for sure. And the hours are good, too.”

JJ snorts from beside you. “Yeah, well, can’t say I’m not jealous. How’re the kids?”

“I can’t say much because of confidentiality and all that, but they’re doing well. A lot better, thank goodness but it just goes to show the aftermath of the things that you guys deal with. I mean, I still think about all the victims we’ve helped and it sucks that we can’t do anything to help them further.” You finish your tangent with a long sip of your drink before leaning back against the booth. “Anyway, how are you guys?”

Penelope comes shuffling past carrying a series of cocktails, her absolutely monstrous platform heels not aiding her in her slightly tipsy task. “Do not even get me started on work. No work! None! We’re having a fun day. Ergo, no work talk.”

You laugh in response, moving to the side to allow her room to sit in the booth. “No, Penny, you’re right. No work talk.”

The drinks are dispersed and your gaze shifts to where Spencer is standing, laughing awkwardly as he tries to follow along to Derek’s dancing and socialising. He looks incredibly out of place in his brown argyle sweater vest, navy tie and freshly pressed slacks, and he pulls at the collar of his shirt. 

“Nah, Spencer could definitely be a ladies’ man if he plays his cards right. And I mean that literally,” Emily says, bringing you out of your daydream.

Your head snaps in her direction, trying to calm your facial features and microexpressions. Regardless of your attempts, after a year of not practising, you don’t do as well as you hope. “What?”

JJ grins at you, her eyes lighting up knowingly. “We’re just talking about who’s the biggest hotshot in the BAU.”

“Wouldn’t that be David?” You ask meekly, your finger swirling along the edge of your glass. You had met David Rossi on occasion, once by accident when you were having a night out with the girls and the other during a proper introduction two weeks later. “Didn’t he have, like, five wives?”

“I had three thank you very much,” Rossi intervenes swiftly, holding his glass of whisky on ice. 

“Sorry, my bad,” you respond jokingly, snickering as he shakes his head and stalks over to where Hotch is sitting and drinking his rum. 

Penelope lets out a loud laugh. “I think we’re forgetting the obvious: our very own Chocolate Thunder.”

“Well, fine,” Emily drawls, waving a hand dismissively, “but Spencer has that innocent vibe to him, y’know? The kind of guy women go crazy over.”

JJ clicks her fingers in remembrance. “Didn’t a bunch of prostitutes try to pick him up in that one case?”

“What?” You ask again, albeit a little shrilly as you try to dismiss the surprise in your tone. 

“He didn’t take them,” Emily says quickly in an attempt to ease your discomfort. “But he did pick up a girl a few months ago. Austin?”

Penelope nods at that, putting down her cup. “Oooh, yes! I remember her. He showed me a picture. She’s pretty.”

“I mean, he did pick up Lila too.” JJ reminds the team, shooting you a sly smile. “You remember her, don’t you?”

You force out a laugh and bite the inside of your cheek in the process. “Yeah. Who’s Austin?”

“I think I still have a picture!” Penelope says, brandishing her phone from her coat pocket. She types something in before sliding it in your direction. “Pretty, right?”

Austin is certainly pretty, even in the uncoordinated selfie Penelope shows you of her and Spencer. He’s slightly out of frame, his lips set into a sweet smile while Austin practically glows. Her brilliant green eyes flash in the camera and her dark hair frames her face perfectly. She and Spencer are close in the photo, with him holding the phone clumsily and she has a hand on his arm. 

“Uh huh,” you murmur distractedly, averting your gaze from the photo as an ugly feeling creeps into your chest. “Really pretty.”

Emily looks at you curiously. “You didn’t know about her?”

You shrug in response, the smile on your face insincere. “There are a lot of things I don’t know about Spencer.”

The group exchange a couple glances at your tell-tale body language, watching as you scoot past Penelope and out of the booth, making your way to the bar. You’re all too grateful for a reprieve from the teasing as you order another drink and take a seat, resting your chin on the palm of your hand. Your mind goes through all the interactions you’ve had with Spencer over the years. Were you really that foolish to think that he would feel that way for you? Maybe you were reading too much into it, you try to reason, running your fingers through your once styled hair. Maybe, in some stupid and twisted way, all of Spencer’s interactions were platonic.

You scoff inwardly to yourself. Right. Because picking someone up at two o’clock in the morning is entirely platonic. Sleeping in the same bed as someone because of nightmares is totally normal between friends. In any case, you could have sworn that he–

“Trouble in paradise?” 

An unfamiliar voice nearly makes you jump out of your skin, and you turn to the man who takes a seat beside you. “Uh… something like that.”

The man hums, a smile on his handsome features. His dark brown hair is fluffy and, in its own charming little way, suits him. He reminds you a lot of Spencer, with the way his eyes crinkle at the corners when he smiles along with the timbre of his voice. He’s also very different to Spencer, especially with his sweater that has a bright orange pumpkin on it, paired with a matching orange scarf. A pair of red tinted sunglasses hang on the neckline of his sweater, and you doubt that it would do much good to block the sun.

“I’m Matthias,” he says good naturedly, beaming. “I’m with my sister, Laura,” he explains, gesturing to a lady sporting dyed auburn coloured hair, and she waves with a matching smile.

You introduce yourself, pointing to the booth. “My friends are over there.”

Matthias nods, undeterred by your company on the other side of the bar. “Let me buy you a drink.”

*** 

After what felt like hours of dancing (it was really only fifteen minutes), Spencer and Derek make their way to rejoin the group. The feeling of sweat matting his skin is one of many reasons as to why Spencer hates dancing. That, and the fact that there were far too many people on the dancefloor. What’s worse is the fact that he’s sure that none of them have ever heard of the word ‘deodorant’. He cringes at the thought of all the germs that could be festering on his skin as he sits at the booth, his eyes shifting to wear your bag lays haphazardly on the red cushions. 

“Where is she?” He asks instantly, turning to Emily and placing your bag so that it’s in a safer and less hazardous position.

She hums, pointing in the bar’s direction. “Getting a drink. She’s just cooling off.”

“Cooling off?” Spencer echoes, his brows furrowing. “What do you mean she’s ‘cooling off’?”

Penelope offers an apologetic smile, fiddling with the buttons on her coat. “We… might have told her about Austin?”

“You what?” Spencer can barely believe his ears as he looks at the group incredulously. “Why would you do that?”

“We didn’t mean anything bad by it,” JJ says hastily. “We didn’t think she’d react like that.”

“React like what?” Spencer’s voice is strangely stern, his eyes narrowing as he turns to the rest of the team. “I don’t like Austin. She’s nice but I don’t like her.”

Derek’s brows lift in surprise and confusion. “Did you go out with her after the case?”

Spencer’s ears burn in embarrassment and he turns to his friend in offence. “I asked her for help. I don’t like Austin like that. I needed advice.”

“Advice,” Emily repeats, turning in the direction of the bar. “You mean about…?”

Spencer doesn’t stay long enough to head the rest of Emily’s sentence or to answer it, making his way over to you are. Part of him wishes that he stayed put, especially when he sees what you’re doing. In an instant, his nose is scrunched up in distaste as he spies the random stranger chatting you up. His eyes lock with yours and he relishes in the way they light up as you wave him over.

“Hi,” he breathes, standing beside you. 

“Hi!” You gush, beaming at him. “Saw you on the dancefloor.”

“You’ll never see it again,” he says honestly, stealing a sip of your drink. It tastes like vodka and the strawberry lipgloss you use (he only know what it tastes like because of its very on the nose packaging: a giant strawberry. He wishes he knew for other reasons).

You laugh, bright and loud, before you gasp excitedly. “Oh, Spencer, this is Matthias! He’s been keeping me company.” Then, you lean closer to him, your voice a very exaggerated whisper as if the person you’re talking about isn’t in the seat next to you as you tell Spencer, “he’s a director.”

Matthias waves off the statement, chuckling along. “Nothing famous though.”

“He’s a liar,” you tell Spencer enthusiastically. “Did you know he went to New York University? Crazy, right? Like, the school of arts or something. Oh! And he’s also from Vegas! You two are so alike.”

Spencer nods half-heartedly as he tells you, “you know, I went to MIT and CalTech.”

“Well I know that, silly!” You say with a drunken laugh, poking at his cheek. You turn to Matthias with a proud grin before reaching for a shot. “Spencer’s a genius. He’s a super smart genius.”

“That’s what ‘genius’ means, angel,” Spencer reminds gently, prying the little cup away from you. “No more. You’re drunk and we don’t want a repeat of last time.”

Your face falls and your lips curl into a frown. “But Spencer I’m thirsty!”

“You have water in your bag,” he prompts, squeezing your shoulder and helping you off the barstool, not paying this Matthias person any mind. “Okay? Let’s go back to the others.”

You nod eagerly, stumbling a little as you wave goodbye. “Bye, Matthias!”

“Uh huh,” Spencer dismisses, leading you back to the table by the small of your back. He leans a little closer to murmur in your ear, “why did you leave the others?”

You shrug dismissively, leaning into his side. “Doesn’t matter.”

“No, angel, it does,” he says carefully, “tell me?”

You huff in your own clumsy drunken way. “You should ask Austin. Or go pick someone else up. Emily says you’re turning into a ‘ladies’ man’.”

Spencer resists the urge to roll his eyes. Of course. “I don’t like Austin,” he tells you in earnest, holding you close to his side as you stumble back to the booth. “I mean it, angel.”

“Bet you call everyone angel,” you grumble under your breath. “Bet you let everyone call you ‘Walter’ too.”

“No,” Spencer says immediately, a hand on your waist. “I only call you that. Besides, why would I let someone call me by my middle name if it isn’t you?”

You huff again, slumping in the booth as Penelope shuffles inward to give you more room. Your arms cross over your chest in annoyance and frustration and  you turn away from Spencer’s direction. He doesn’t need to be a profiler to know that you’re pissed off at him. Somewhere in your hazy drunk mind, you’ve made it out as him being the bad guy.

Spencer shoots the other girls a pointed glare, gesturing at you as if to say ‘This is your fault’ because, in reality, it is. If they didn’t mention Austin, you wouldn’t be mad at him. If they didn’t mention Austin, you wouldn’t have gotten yourself drunk with some random guy who went to New York University. Spencer mocks Matthias in his head. Stupid Matthias and his stupidly good hair. Spencer runs a hand through his own growing locks, grimacing when he realises that it reaches his shoulders now. Maybe he should get a haircut later.

“Angel,” Spencer tries again, kneeling down next to your chair. “Let’s get you home, alright? Please don’t be mad at me?”

You mutter something incoherent, not bothering to look in his direction.

“I’m not in love with Austin,” he tells you, his tone a mix of firmness and gentleness. “Really, I’m not. We’re just friends, angel, I promise.”

“Liar,” you mutter under your breath as you get out of the booth. JJ guiltily passes you your bag and you take it out of her hands as Spencer grips your arm with one hand, the other on the small of your back. 

“Not a lie,” Spencer says, walking you to his car. “I wouldn’t lie to you about this. Not after Lila.”

“Lie-la,” you say bitterly as you get into the passenger seat. “Stupid actress.”

He laughs at that, getting behind the wheel. “Yeah, angel. Stupid actress.”

“You kissed her in a pool,” you continue as you fumble drunkenly with the buckle of the seatbelt. “You don’t kiss me in the pool.”

Spencer’s cheeks burn at your words as he puts your seatbelt on, his fingers grazing yours. “It never came up. Besides, I hate pools, you know that.”

“Germ-y,” you respond knowingly, a silly giddy smile on your face. “I know you the best.”

“Exactly,” he hums as starts the car, his words flowing smoothly as he considers how drunk you are. There’s no way you’d remember this, right? “Why would I find another girl when I have you who knows me best?”

Your cheeks glow with pride at his words and you laugh. “Exactly.”

*** 

It’s late. Far too late and you toss and turn in bed. Your eyes are heavy but your brain won’t shut up, swirling with the memories of the previous night. You’re not really sure what happened after you got to the bar, only remembering snippets of the night. The entire time was a blur: you remember getting upset at the girls (or rather, at the information they were feeding you), meeting someone– Mason? Matthew? You can’t even remember– and then downing three shots. It’s awfully stupid of you, yes but then somehow you got home safe and sound with a note on your kitchen counter from Spencer.

You felt a little silly upon the finding of the note. Of course Spencer would take you home; it’s not like the girls were particularly sober by the time you wanted to leave. Regardless, reading the note made you feel incredibly stupid, more stupid than usual, and you wanted nothing more than to bury yourself six feet underground. 

‘Hi angel,’ it read in Spencer’s messy scrawl with chaotic lettering and swirly g’s. ‘You’re probably really hungover right now so there’s a Tylenol on the counter and a sandwich in the fridge. Please drink water; I’m sure you’re also severely dehydrated from the alcohol. I know you’re upset at me but please just forget about what the others said about Austin. I don’t like her like that. Be safe and call me when you wake up.’

The note was fine, nothing out of the ordinary, just Spencer being his usual ridiculously lovely self. You didn’t mind that he took care of you, either. It’s more-so the fact that you genuinely could barely remember what you said that him. You’re betting on it being something exceedingly dumb (you’re making a habit of it, much to your own chagrin), especially considering how much you had to drink that night. Maybe you should start abstaining from drinking from now on, especially if Spencer was in the vicinity. 

The note is now pinned securely to your cork board, a pretty lavender thumb tack holding it in place. Your gaze drifts to it for a moment then to your clock and you groan into your pillow. This is dumb. Sleep is dumb. Your clock blinks with the numbers ‘02:01’ in red mocking letters and you resist the urge to scream. After blindly searching for your phone, you step out of bed while rubbing your eyes. 

The lingering question keeps you up as you pace back and forth beside you bed. If Spencer doesn’t like Austin, who does he like? It can’t be Lila. You would have known if they kept in contact. Then again, you had no idea who Austin was so who knows what secrets Spencer is keeping? What if there was another girl? What if your entire friendship with Spencer was exactly that– friendship. You slap the palm of your hand to your forehead. Were you really that stupid?

It’s in that moment when your phone begins to ring. The tune plays through the room and you know it all too well; the Doctor Who theme song that you spent a whopping two dollars and thirty-seven cents on to add it as the custom ringtone for Spencer. 

“Hello…?” You answer quietly, your voice choking. “Walter?”

“Angel,” he murmurs, and you can hear shuffling in the background. “Why are you still awake?”

You hum, pinching the bridge of your nose. “I could ask you the same question.”

He laughs quietly on the other side of the line, scratchy from the lack of sleep. “Can I come over?”

“Always.”

He hangs up after that and you press the pads of your fingers into the corners of your eyes again. You’re exhausted, far too exhausted to be hosting guests, but this is Spencer. How can you ever say no to him? So, instead of sulking around and spending far too long doing nothing, you fashion yourself a cup of tea and flick the lights on. The book you were reading is thrown haphazardly onto the cushions of your couch but you can’t bring yourself to pick it up. 

The jiggling of the door handle brings you out of your little mood, and Spencer lets himself in with the key you gave him, locking it securely and taking his shoes off to reveal his sock choice of the day: one bright green and the other in fuchsia with buttercup yellow spots. He’s wearing a crinkly white t-shirt that hangs over his gangly frame and grey sweatpants. For something so basic, he looks absolutely criminal in it. You pinch yourself as punishment for thinking such a thing. 

“Hey,” he breathes, sitting next to you. He runs his fingers through his hair, frowning a little. “Do you think I should get it cut?”

You laugh, almost spilling your tea. “You came to my apartment at two in the morning to ask what I think about your hair?”

“Yes,” he agrees before laughing, “no! Of course not. I just thought of it.”

A hum leaves your lips as you curl a strand of his hair around your finger. “I like long hair on you. Besides, you’d look good in any hair cut.”

Spencer preens at your words, enjoying the feel of your touch in his hair. “You’re a liar. I know what I looked like four years ago. Don’t lie.”

“I’m not!” You insist, beaming at him as you poke his cheek. “You were really cute back then. Like a baby.”

He flushes again at both the compliment and the contact, his mind committing the way you say ‘baby’ to memory. He thinks it again and again; baby, baby, baby. 

“I was not a baby,” He tells you, half in jest. “I’m older than you!”

“By a year,” you quip, the sleep deprivation making your head go loopy. “Barely. Doesn’t matter, you’re still baby.”

Spencer scoffs lightly, poking your side. “If I’m a baby, what does that make you? A foetus? A zygote?”

You let out a quiet scream in protest, whacking him over the head with a throw pillow. “Ew, Spencer what the hell?”

He snickers in response, shielding his face with his forearm. “If I’m a baby and you’re younger than me, you must be at an earlier stage of development. So? Which is it, are you a foetus or a zygote? C’mon, angel, you passed eighth grade biology.”

“You’re an ass,” you chastise jokingly, rolling your eyes as you look up at him. Sometime amidst the commotion he must have gotten closer to you. Your noses are almost touching and your breath hitches in your throat. 

He smiles sweetly, his own cheeks warm and flushed with embarrassment as he maintains eye contact. “I thought I was ‘baby’.”

What the hell? Is this really Spencer Reid? Silly, awkward, nerdy little Spencer Reid? This must be a very convincing body suit and an even more convincing voice altering machine because this is not Spencer Reid. You can feel the blood rush to your cheeks and ears so quickly that it’s enough to make you go dizzy. Maybe you’re a lot more sleep deprived than you thought. 

“Are you drunk?” You croak out meekly as he cages you in, his forearms on either side of your head as he leans you against the couch. 

He laughs– he has the actual audacity to laugh– and he shakes his head. “No, angel, I’m not drunk. You know I don’t drink enough to actually get drunk. Besides, I drove here.”

“You drove here,” you repeat, a little dazed from how close he is. “It’s two in the morning.”

“Almost three now but yes,” Spencer agrees, smiling. 

“You hate driving,” you remind him, swallowing the lump in your throat. “Especially at night.”

He hums in agreement. “I do. But I wanted to see you.”

“Oh.”

You kick yourself internally. ‘Oh’? Who the hell says ‘Oh’? This is it. Your life is over. Maybe you should move to another state. Change your name, shave your head, and get a different degree because you’re almost certain that it’s the end of the line for you.

Spencer lets out a soft chuckle. “I missed you.”

“You saw me two days ago?” You say it like a question and you suddenly feel yourself sweating. It definitely got hotter in here. 

He murmurs your name, his fingers grazing the skin of your jaw gently. “I’m so glad I met you.”

“I ran into you four years ago and almost gave myself a concussion,” you say, averting your gaze as you tried to calm yourself down. 

“I’m so glad I met you,” he repeats softly, his nose brushing against your cheek. “Look at me, angel.”

You wet your bottom lip nervously as you look at him, his hazel eyes a little greener in the low light of your apartment. His legs are on either side of your hips and he brushes his thumb against your chin. 

“I want to kiss you,” Spencer says lowly, albeit a little breathlessly, and you can hear hoarseness in his words. “Can I?”

You’re dead. You’re either dead or asleep, that is the only explanation you have for this entire situation. You’re either dead and in heaven or asleep and dreaming. It is that plain and simple.

“What?” You croak out, your nails digging into the skin of your thighs. 

“I know you wanted to do it in a pool but I’m pretty sure your apartment gym is closed now, angel,” Spencer says, stroking your cheeks with his thumbs. “Can I kiss you?”

The only thing you can manage to do is nod, your eyes flickering to his lips for a split second, watching as the corners of his mouth tug upwards. Your brain barely has any time to comprehend the words he said (since when did you say that you wanted to kiss him in the pool?) because in a rush of confidence, Spencer cups your face and presses his lips to yours in a tantalisingly slow kiss. His eyes are closed and his hands are eerily soft, the gentleness in which he holds you reminiscent of one holding porcelain. 

He pulls away after a moment, his cheeks burning and a smile on his face. You can’t even breathe as you just stare at him, lips parted in surprise. What do you even say to that?

“Thank you?” You manage to stutter out, heat creeping up your neck.

He laughs again, breathless and beautiful, as he kisses the side of your face. “You’re welcome.”

Spencer brushes an eyelash from your cheek, beaming at you as he does. “It’s late,” he tells you, getting up from the couch and freeing your limbs. “You should get some rest.”

“Uh huh,” you respond, your head  spinning. “Bye.”

“Bye,” he says back, trying to hold in a laugh. “I’m free next Friday. Do you want to go out?”

“Go out?” You echo, “we always go out.”

“I know.” He smiles at you again as he makes his way to the door. “I meant– you know. We can go out.”

A beat passes and your head is awfully slow, whether from the kiss or from the sleep deprivation, you’re not entirely sure. “We can go out.”

“Great.” He pauses, taking a step towards you before kissing your cheek. “I’ll text you.”

“You’ll–” you gape at him again as he opens your door to leave. “You hate texting.”

He nods, slipping on his shoes. “I also hate driving at night. Your point?”

“Right,” you murmur, more to yourself than anything. “Text me when you get home?”

“Of course I will, angel,” he promises, “get some rest.”

Get some rest? How the hell are you supposed to get some rest after all that? With one last wave, Spencer leaves your apartment, leaving you hoping that this wasn’t just some thing. Maybe this was the very first page of your story– a very embarrassing start to your story. There is one thing for certain though: Spencer is not in love with someone else.

*** 

It’s a Tuesday when Penelope calls you. You had just finished up with a client when your phone begins to ring. 

“Penny!” You gush, unable to stop the smile from stretching onto your face. “I am stupid, I said ‘thank you’? Who the hell says thank you after someone kisses you?”

“Who kissed you?” Penelope asks, and if you weren’t so caught up in your own tangent you would have noticed that she sounded tearful. 

“Spencer did!” You exclaim, slapping a hand to your forehead. “He’s sitting there and he looks amazing and he smells really good and I am stupid.”

“Hold on, hold on,” Penelope says quickly, and you can imagine her waving her fluffy pen around. “He kissed you and you said thank you?”

“Yes.”

“Well that was very polite of you,” she says, trying to sound happy before her voice cracks.

You frown immediately, taking a seat in the wheelie chair in your office. “Penny? Is everything okay? What’s going on?”

“It’s about Spencer,” she says woefully, sniffling. “He wanted me to tell you something. It’s not looking good, honey, but– but he wanted me to give you a message.”

“Penny–” You stop short when you hear Spencer’s voice. It’s a recording from his phone, and you can only really tell because of the crackling audio on the other side of the line.

“Is it on?” Spencer asks before clearing his throat. He sounds breathless, his words breaking off at some parts and you know that it’s not from the bad audio quality. “Hey, angel, it’s me, Spenc– Walter. It’s your Walter. If you’re getting this then something happened and I just wanted you to know that– that I love you. I didn’t get the chance to tell you that before but I do. I love you and I wish it didn’t turn out like this but I am– I am so glad that we had that moment.”

Through the recording you can hear a shuffle, like the sound of a sliding door being opened, along with a quiet, “Prep the victim for transfer,” before the recording cuts out, leaving you with Penelope on the line. 

She calls your name quietly, choking on her words. “Are you okay?”

You hang up. 

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[iambilliejeanok]

✨How my favorite anime men would handle being a side piece:

Fandoms: Naruto||Jujustu Kaisen||Baki🩵

Warnings: 18+ , explicit, nsfw.

✨Naruto:

He genuinely doesn’t mind being your little thang thang on the side, as long as he gets adequate attention he’s really okay. Now naturally, you might not always have time for him seeing that you have to balance work, your main hubby and him too, which could lead to having to think of a few excuses to rain check seeing him. In the beginning, he would just roll his eyes and shrug it off, understanding his place, but recently, he’s been behaving rather ballsey.

Look, he respects and cares about you enough to not try to ruin your relationship with your main, but honey, he’s not scared of your little boyfriend, so don’t think he won’t actually rock up uninvited to your apartment while your man is there because he’s tired of you canceling plans for this main dude. He has absolutely no respect for your boyfriend in all honesty.

Having Naruto as a side is sooo risky because you can never be too confident that he won’t try something on you while your man is right there. If he wants to fight Naruto is more than happy to.

✨Gojo:

lol, in the beginning, he kind of understands. Everybody needs a little break from reality every now and then, and he knows you need him to satisfy a few needs of yours that your man simply cannot. While he’s got you creaming and squinting back to back from the overwhelming, deep strokes with your knees behind your head, he will make you confess your innermost feelings to him with tears in your eyes, which he finds absolutely funny.

When he’s not poking your bladder, he will remind you of the words you spoke in bed and tease you over it. But listen girl, he’s only your side piece because he’s choosing to be it. Maybe he also doesn’t have time to fully commit to an actual relationship, but whatever the reason, you better hope and pray that things stay that way, because if he does catch feelings for you, Gojo doesn’t mind straight up telling your man that you’re ONLY gonna be his girlfriend from here on out. Especially with the way your orgasms grip him while he’s deep inside of you, how you cry his name out like a desperate prayer and most especially how beautiful you look in the aftermath of the mess he puts you through, LORD HAVE MERCY, he’s gonna tell your boyfriend exactly what’s going on down to the finest detail and he’s serious. Gojo will sit your man down at a nice cafe, order him a beverage of his choice and simply let him know that you are no longer going to be his girlfriend, because he’s decided he wants you all to himself. The end. If the your man decides to argue Gojo might simply shut him down with a “Fight for her. I dare you”, with an innocent smile on his pretty face, before getting up to leave.

✨Nanami:

Nanami knew what he was getting himself into. You were open and honest when you told him you were only looking for entertainment when your man wasn’t around, but even so, he still gets slightly sassy with you when you tell him you have to leave and go back to your main man.

He might give you the silent treatment when you come back to him after a long week of spending time with your boyfriend. He will respectfully ask you to not touch him without taking a shower first and he will sit infront of the shower and watch you wash yourself from head to toe to make extra sure that that man’s energy will be no where near him throughout the duration of your visit.

He hopes and prays that you’ll one day come to your senses a day leave your boyfriend for good, which isn’t such a difficult decision to make considering how much of a gentleman Nanami is. He always reminds you that you can simply chose him over you boyfriend any day and if your boyfriend ever bothers you, he will put an end it him. Literally.

✨Baki:

Baki isn’t going to be a side piece. Plain and simple. He is going to be the main in this, and the actual main will have to move over and become the side dish okay. It’s actually quite humiliating because your boyfriend can’t even fight, so he has to allow Baki to walk all over him.

Baki can be a little bit of a bully sometimes, most especially if your boyfriend resists him and shows a little courage and determination to keep you. It won’t end well for your boyfriend though because Baki might consider fucking you until you’re begging him to give you a break and will force your boyfriend to watch the entire show, reminding him that this right here is the exact reason why you’re too tired to sleep with him when you get back home from “the gym” or “extra shifts at work” .

[1800classiccherries]

Spider-cat!

⚘ Miguel x fem!reader

⚘ fluff

⚘ I don’t think there are any warnings?

⚘ summary: Y/n spends all her time with Spidercat, causing Miguel to feel little jelous.

⚘ wc: 960

“Sorry, Miguel, Spider-cat is back from a mission. Gotta go!” Y/n states, giving Miguel a quick peck on the cheek before swigging off the monitor platform and out of the room.

Recently Y/n had made a new friend amongst the spider crowd, Spider-cat, and this cat had her wrapped around his furry paw. Miguel sighs, not wanting to admit to himself that his girlfriend is spending more time with a cat than him and that he is jealous.

As Y/n roams around looking for her furry friend, she spots him down the hall, and she quickens her pace. “My baby!” she calls out, holding her arms open for the cat to jump into, “how was the mission?” Y/n inquires, getting a content meow in response. “I’m glad to hear it,” she nods, setting down Spider-cat so he can walk beside her.

~

Y/n and Spider-cat step out of the orange portal, now on Y/n’s earth. In their downtime, the two would go for swings around their Earths for as long as they could before having to go on a mission. Today was no different.

“Ready to go?” Y/n asks, looking down at the cat, who replies with a happy meow.

With that, the two swing off the fire escape they were previously on and begin their swing around the city. They were showing off their tricks and finding interesting new locations around the city. A while into their adventure, Y/n notices a hologram of a certain someone show up on her watch, causing her to pull over to the roof of the nearest building. Spider-cat follows suit, making himself comfortable, and begins making biscuits on Y/n’s lap once she sits down.

“Yes, Miguel?” she prompts, not too happy about her time with Spider-cat getting cut short.

“Are you busy?” Miguel asks, knowing she’s probably with the cat.

“Kinda off...” Y/n trails off, holding Spider-cat up for him to see. 

“I-” he starts, almost at a loss for words, “I’ll just get someone else to do it.”

Before Y/n could even say anything, the hologram disappeared. With a sigh, she looks down at the cat, who’s looking back up at her. 

“I guess that’s my queue to leave,” she gets a disappointed meow in response.

“Yeah, I wanted to keep swinging too. But I have to spend some time with my boyfriend now,” she explains, standing up and opening a portal for her and Spider-cat to go back to headquarters.

~

Now back at headquarters, Y/n makes her way to Miguel’s locations thinking as to how she can smooth things over. It’ll be fine; she says to herself as she arrives at the room.

“Heyy, spider-bae~,” Y/n says, dragging out her words as she walks toward the (painfully) slowly descending platform.

Miguel raises an eyebrow as he turns around to face Y/n, clearly unamused. She opens her mouth to defend herself but promptly stops. She opens her mouth once more to try again, but she stops. ”I have nothing to say.”

“Typical,” he deadpans, shaking his head and returning to his work.

“Aww, don’t be like that,” she pouts, taking a little swing onto the platform to stand next to him.

Y/n tunnels her way under Miguel’s arm so that his arm is over her shoulder. She leans into him, looking up with apologetic eyes, hoping he looks down at her. 

“Y’know you my boo thang, right, Miguel?” she says with a slowly spreading smile.

“Boo thang?” Miguel repeats, slightly amused, looking at Y/n.

“You heard me.”

Y/n moves from under his arm to in front of him, taking hold of his hand and leaning slightly against the control panel under the monitors. Looking up at him with a look that says, ‘I’m sorry.’

“I’ve missed you, mi amor,” Miguel voices, resting a hand on the side of Y/n’s face.

Leaning into his touch, the corner of her lips turns up slightly, “I’m sorry about ditching you for spider-cat.”

Miguel shakes his head a bit, chuckling softly, “It’s not your fault; he is pretty cute.”

“Yeah, but you’re cuter,” Y/n flirts tilting her head.

“I don’t know how I feel about getting called cute...”

Thanks for reading!

[lazyneonrabbitt]

Forest guardian

Daryl Dixon x reader [pt.2]

You plan a week long vacation to a luxury cabin. Luxury is nowhere near what you find.

Yet another AU, mentions of canibalism, also Merle is gross.

The bald man behind the counter of the shoddy store was probably the grossest dude you had ever seen, cleaning what looked like blood off his hands while he kept so openly staring at your tits in the low cut top and following you around with his intense gaze as you picked up some items from the racks. "Dontcha worry, doll. Had ta quit skinnin' rabbit when I heard ya come in. S'legal in these 'ere parts." He reassures you, and after you paid you sadly needed to interact with him even more, seeing you weren't familiar with the roads and needed help finding your destination.

"Oh, tha' cabin's over 'ere on tha' road. Can't miss it, sugar." He doodled a little house on the map for you. "Gotta park righ' 'ere." 'here' was marked with a small X. "Road ends, rests'a sand path, too narrow fer cars." With a filthy grin he pointed at the map and marked the location of the place you rented to spend a week in nature to heal. You needed to be away from society for a bit and booked this crazy cheap place in the middle of the woods close to a gorgeous lake. It surprised you there weren't any more cabins like that around, the area was so nice it would make a perfect luxurious vacation spot. Still, that gross man's voice rung in the back of your mind. "Now dontcha go swimmin' in tha' lake, missy. Pretty lil' thang like yerself'd gon' get snatched up ne'er ta be seen 'gain."

On the way to the cabin, following the route you were suggested you passed the lake and watched the sun cast a beautiful gleam over its surface.

'This really is too gorgeous to go swim in.' You mind wondered to the cabin as you closed in on its location, turning the last corner before the road cut off and your small path through the tree line became visible. Not wanting to walk the path twice you stacked everything you took onto your body and started to lug your stuff forward, seeing you had to round the cabin to make to the front door.

The cabin that looked nothing like the photos on the website.. "Oh of course I got catfished by a fucking cabi--"

Stopping dead in your tracks you dropped your bags and sent yourself forward, up the wooden porch and down on your knees.

A man laid passed out in the door opening of the cabin, his breaths shallow. Every item he wore was covered in dried mud and stained to hell and back. A dead rabbit laid beside him, probably dropped from his grasp when he went down. Kneeling closer you looked him over for and wounds and found a deep gash on his side when you turned him over, and saw what looked like a stab wound on his upper arm.

Underneath long, greasy hair there was a large gash on his face, long healed over and leaving an angry scar over an empty eye socket and one side of his mouth was torn open.

You wanted to stare but needed to help this man first, going to find your first aid kit and cleaning the wounds after dragging him onto the cot in the corner of the ratty cabin.

"I'm sorry." You murmured at the man who didn't even hear you as he was out cold. Applying the disinfectant to his wound had you wince along with the soft twitch of his body and a wave of panic washed over you.

What if he woke up, with you hovering over him? You had spotted the throwing axe strapped to his waist, along with two large hunting knives and suddenly prayed you wouldn't end up on the wrong end of those.

When he didn't wake you continued to clean and bandage his arm, and thanked yourself for throwing a pack of butterfly stitches in your bag and carefully stuck them over the cut over his side with one hand as the other held it closed between your fingers.

Wrapping his arm was easy, but having to unroll the bandage around his waist was proving to be a challenge, having to shove your arm underneath his body to pass the bandage to your other hand multiple times.

The invasive movements had moved the man's body and it surprised you he hadn't woken up by the time you tied off the end.

With his wounds patched you could only sit around and wait. You got scammed by a too good to be true offer on a cabin and the first thing you had to do after getting creeped out in the shop was patch up a stranger's wounds yourself because the area had no service.

Curiosity got the best of you after a moment and you went to snoop around the place, passing time by going through cabinets and drawers.

At the third drawer you opened you felt like you stumbled on a goldmine. A black wallet and chain, and a passport laid pushed towards the back.

"Daryl Dixon, huh." Both the ID and the passport belonged to the man, and other cards in the wallet held the same name. It had to be him.

You gave the pictures a long inspection, turning to go compare to the passed out man behind you.

Instead, before you got the chance to turn a hand came and snatched the items from yours. "S'mine, thank you very much."

With a shriek you turned to face the voice and were met with the iciest blue eye you had ever seen.

The open drawer dug into your back as you tried to move away from him.

With the stabbing feeling your gaze turned back to the drawer, hoping to close it but something familiar caught your eye. So instead you dug your hand to grab at a flyer, and with it pulling out a stash of attached papers that scattered over the floor and made Daryl take a step back.

The paper in your hands was filled with the same photos as the cabin rental showed. "The hell?" It was a sales flyer, it told about the building plan for a large amount of cabins surrounding the lake. You looked past the flyer to the floor, bending down to look at the various news articles about the area.

"JUST ANNOUNCED: NEW LUXURY VACATION HOMES." That one spread information about the upcoming tourist attraction.

A smaller piece announced a delay due to "disagreements from locals." You thought if Daryl and the shop guy were those locals.

Then a large, gruesome front page spread.

"MASSACRE AT BUILDING SITE. PROJECT CANCELED."

The title did the article no justice, the first sentence warning people to stop reading if they were easily nauseated, and continued on to go into detail of the events where a whole building crew was murdered mere hours after their scheduled arrival at the site. The murders deemed "too gruesome to share in more detail.".

More articles of missing campers and words of the mysterious serial killer in this area were scattered around and that sudden panic from earlier arose again.

You were dead. It was a fact at the time you first thought of it and it was still a fact now that you saw all this. With shaking breaths you slowly looked up at the man still standing before you.

His hand rested on the handle of his hunting knife, fingers not yet curled around it. His one eye staring, clearly deep in thought.

"That's you, right? The killer?" Your fingers rested on a smaller article, looking further up at his face.

A quiet acknowledging grunt left him as he turned around and ignored your further words.

Daryl's mind raced with opinions, facts and other voices that all called out different things.

He killed trespassers. Humans were bad for these woods, they shouldn't exist here. Except for him and his brother. But this one healed him, patched up his wounds and made sure he didn't die. You weren’t here to harm..

His wandering mind had led him outside, lighting a cigarette and deciding to return the favor and rummage through the bags you brought, fishing out a tub of cookies from your backpack.

From just outside the doorway you heard the familiar click of the tub clasps opening, followed by a loud crunching.

“Huh. HEY!” Getting up from the floor you made your way over to the man and snatched the box from his hands. “Those are mine, thank you.” Your tone mocked his from before and Daryl grunted in protest.

“Why’re ya ‘ere anyways?” You huffed in response, a hand on your hip and pointing the one with the box at where he still sat in front of your pile of bags. “Obviously I came here on vacation, but I guess I’ll be driving home again since I got scammed…”

You had moved to start packing up your first aid kit and moved over to stuff it back into your backpack but pausing, and handing the kit to Daryl. “Why?” He spoke around lungfuls of smoke before blowing it out away from you. “Got ‘nough a’those layin’ ‘round.”

‘Why’re ya tellin’ her tha? She saw yer a killer. Why aint she dead yet?’ The voice in his head blended with his brother’s, scolding him like he was so used to, but still not believing you were harmful enough to kill.

Besides, you knew how to tend to wounds which was useful.

Hell, even going out to find his brother to bring him an outdoor oven and ingredients to make those cookies and keep you around just fir those was enough to dispel the voices.

You were standing in front of the storage space at the back of he cabin and you were worried. Why were you following this killer and not just leaving your stuff behind and running to your car? You’d never speak of this and find some excuse on the way home. But still you kept standing there next to him as he opened the door and showed the huge collection of useful stuff. All taken from trespassers.

“You’re killing me aren’t you?” The words weren’t supposed to leave your mouth and a hand clamped over it immediately after, eyes on him in fear as tears threatened to spill due to the panic you were causing yourself. But then again, would it really be that bad if he killed you? No more shitty jobs and cheating boyfriends. No more crying yourself to sleep over bills and food.

“Yer dif’rent.” You barely caught his words when he disappeared into his stash and throwing a soft fuzzy blanket at you. “Feel tha’ one. Ya like tha’?” You hadn’t throwing the item until it hit you in the face, grabbing to catch it before it hit the ground and being taken off guard even more by how soft it was. It calmed you, rubbing it against your cheek. At the sight of the tab on it you gasped, taking a closer look at it and staring back at Daryl, your previous worries entirely overridden by the shock. “Why do you have a hundred dollar blanket in your shed?”

He only shrugged. “Sum whiny whore had it. Guess ‘er boyfriend thought campin’ at a pretty lake was gon’ get ‘em laid or sum’n.”

“Bitch was fuckin’ disgustin’.” A shudder ran along his spine at the memory of cutting her open. “All ‘er curves fake, no meat left on ‘er bones tha’ was edible. Damn fillers leakin’ out of ‘er flesh over the fire.” He just rambled about it like it meant nothing to him at all while you stared. He ate them? You were getting hungry just now but that feeling faded just as quick upon hearing him talk.

He saw the disgust on your face and decided he needed to shut up. “Ah, sorry. Ain’t normal people talk.”

His apology really came out of left field and had you swallow a giggle, but failing and sputtering out a laugh. “Why even are you telling me all this?” Despite your laughs it was a serious question. “I mean, what if ai leave and call the cops on you?” Not that you were going to, but you got curious and had already decided you were fine with however this day was going to end. If this guy as gonna roast you over a fire then so be it, you weren’t scared anymore.

“Who says yer leavin’? M’keepin’ ya ‘ere with me. Yer dif’rent.”

Different. There it was again, he’s called you that more than once now. “Who says I want that?”

“Y’aint runnin’ yet.” He put his pointer fingers together in a counting gesture. “Ya patched me up. An’ yer not scared a’me ‘n ma face.”

It’s true. When you first saw his face it shocked you a bit, but mostly you were curious how someone could survive a wound like that. You nodded thoughtfully, not entirely aware you did so and earned a smile. “I aint plannin’ on eatin’ ya. But ya gotta respect ma rules or I’ll change ma mind ‘bout it.”

“If you’re talking about eating people you better end me now, there’s no way I’m doing that, ever.” You held your hands up in defeat with the blanket tossed over one shoulder. “Go ahead.”

This time it was Daryl’s turn to laugh. A deep, rumbling laugh that had you squint at him. He laughed?

Your calm around the offer for him to kill you right where you stood surprised him. You really didn’t care if he took you out. He respected that, so as long as you were fine with his ways he had no reason to get rid of you. “Dontcha worry yer pretty lil’ head ‘bout tha’. Aint gon’ make ya eat ‘em. ‘Nough small game ‘round ‘ere fer ya. I’ll keep ya fed.”

Oh. That wasn’t so bad. Yeah, rabbits and squirrels weren’t part of your menu now but as long as he wasn’t feeding you humans.

Talking about eating made the grumble in your stomach make another appearance, this time accompanied my the unmistaken noise of hunger. A huffed laugh and a nod towards the front door had you both back inside where Daryl still had his rabbit he had started skinning at his makeshift kitchenette across the room rom where you sat on the bed eating your leftover sandwich.

You observed him from a distance. How he skillfully took apart the animal and separated the meats while keeping an eye on his fireplace in the meantime.

“Hey, c’mere.” Without looking up from his work he waved one hand above his head to get your attention. He made sure you got the pieces you wanted, and prepared them to your liking. The way he was roasting them over the fireplace was almost like an inside barbecue.

“Smells nice.” You had moved to sit next to him beside the fire that roasted your dinner.

You ate together and spent the time after in quiet togetherness. Daryl cleaned up the rabbit’s leftovers and spent some time doing god knows what outside while you stayed in. You sat on the bed fidgeting with your clothing and the soft fuzz on the blanket he gave you. For a short moment you wondered what you were still doing here, why you hadn’t gotten up and started walking away, but now your mind was blank, staring mindlessly at the floor. You didn’t even notice Daryl come back in. He just suddenly appeared in your view, dropping a stack of bedrolls and sleeping bags at your feet and beginning to roll them out. When you realized his implications you let yourself fall. Ack with a sigh. You really had been here since early in the afternoon and still hadn’t made an effort to leave and were about to spend the night in a killer’s cabin in the woods..

You wondered if all these setbacks in life had officially driven you mad.

After you offered to take over from Daryl to “make your own bed” he only scoffed and tapped your ankle to make space. “Makin’ ma own bed ‘ere. Ya keep the cot, s’fine.” You went back and forth a bunch of times but he kept insisting you kept the bed. Why was he so kind?

You tossed him his pillows and got a quizzical look that followed you as you went to retrieve the ones you brought from your duffle bag at the door. With an understanding grunt he moved on, unzipping a sleeping bag and laying it over the bedding and left through the curtain beside the kitchenette.

“You brush your teeth?” You were seriously confused now. “You, a serial killer living in the middle of nowhere, brushes his teeth.” You pointed at him, hand palm up in disbelief. He rolled his one eye at your wording and took the thing from his mouth and pointed it back at you in an almost threatening way. “Yeah, so?” He spoke around a mouthful of foam. “Ya will keep up too when ya gotta yank out a rotten tooth ‘n can’t eat nut’n but soup fer weeks.” He scoffed at your assumption of his hygiene just because he killed people. “Gotta keep clean ta eat. Can’t eat, can’t hunt. Can’t hunt, can’t keep them woods ‘ere safe.” His tone was serious, he meant every word and made it clear these woods meant much to him. Enough to kill for. After he was done he turned away again and the room fell silent once more, taking it as your cue to crawl under the soft blanket Daryl gave you and sleep for the night.

You were about to lay down and zone out when he walked back through the curtain, ducking b something out of one drawer lower than you got before when you got there and move back, keeping what was in his hand hidden from your line of sight, but you caught something in his mouth for a second. “Wait. Hold up.” Oh fuck. His mind told him he fucked up by grabbing that magazine. You were gonna ask what he grabbed and there was no way you needed to know what he was planning to do behind that wall. You sat up and watched as he peeked his head from behind the curtain to look at you with a raised brow, faking his best annoyed look. “Hmm?” With a toothbrush between the scarred end of his lips he waited for you to speak.

[iheartyvesss]

post-outbreak joel miller hcs

joel miller x younger!reader

this was requested by @marianita195

warnings? fluff for the first hcs! for nsfw: creampie, pussy slapping, squirting, dirty talk, dom!joel, reader’s mentioned to have hair long enough to pull, and pussy eating. i think that’s all lol 😭

pre-outbreak hcs here!

sfw

boyfriend!joel who isn’t “entirely sure how to do this relationship thang anymore.” joel had been with someone before, you knew this, but you didn’t mind. joel had told you of tess, how he was with her for a while but it wasn’t how he felt with you. he was stubborn to come about his feelings, yes, but it wasn’t anything you couldn’t work with. you were patient. that’s what ellie thinks makes you two work so well. he’s stubborn, and as he is stubborn you’re just as patient. you work with him. allow him to come to you in your own time.

boyfriend!joel who is losing his mind the first time you get hurt out on patrol. “you weren’t supposed to be there.” he’d murmured into your hair, sighing heavily when you’d only laughed in response. joel knows you can handle yourself and it’s a thing that he admires about you, but it doesn’t stop him from worrying about you and your health. joel sat by your bedside in jackson’s infirmary until you were just about cleared. he spent his time gripping your hand in his whenever he wasn’t sleeping or going to check on ellie.

boyfriend!joel who can’t help but love the way you treat his ellie. he hears the two of you stay up and talk into all hours of the morning. about what? he doesn’t really know besides the fact that you refuse to share what the conversations are about. “why don’t you ask our girl yourself?” you’d told him, smiling so sweetly he couldn’t bring himself to scowl at you for being a brat. you spend most of your time with ellie if not with him or maria. you take her to the library with you, as well as the gardening section you sometimes assist with. if ellie’s on patrol, you’re on patrol, and it warms his heart in a way he can’t quite pinpoint.

boyfriend!joel who loves you because you are his polar opposite and his mediator between him and his daughter. ellie is too rash while joel is too calculated, leaving you to be just right. you’re often the one to make final decisions in the household over the dumbest of things. your favorite memory is the first time ellie officially began to hang out with dina and jesse. joel was worried out of his mind that jesse would try something with ellie, and how desperately you wanted to tell him there was nothing to worry about.

boyfriend!joel who doesn’t know how to completely express his love for you and ultimately fumbles a bit in the early stages of your relationship. you were supposed to go on your second date with joel at his house, he’d said he was going to make dinner and ellie would remain in her little room in the back. you’d spent all day thinking of it, even losing track of books and stressing yourself out over where’d you last put them. maria found it adorable, if anything. she’d told you to go ahead and leave early if you were that excited. you had a few nice items of clothing from the many runs you and some of the others had done, and this little red number was just perfect. you’d practically skipped to joel’s house only for him to not answer when you knocked. you remember ellie coming through and opening the door, eyes widening before cursing joel out loud and turning to pull you into the house. “um, he hasn’t come back from the job he was workin’ yet so maybe we should wait?” you’re positive ellie could feel the embarrassment flowing off of you in waves but you agreed with the younger girl anyway.

boyfriend!joel who’d came in an hour later, flustered and visibly stressed. he found you and ellie curled on his couch watching freaky friday, and his chest had tightened because you looked so beautiful. “(name)- goddammit.” he murmured, running a hand down his face. “ellie,” he paused to look at her, using his chin to gesture for her to leave. “go. please.” he added the please quietly, stress clear on his face. it was probably the only reason she left without a word. “listen, (name), i’m sorr-” but you’d already stood with a soft smile. “no, it’s fine. i’ll go and we can try again another time, okay?” he’d believe you if you hadn’t swallowed thickly, pushing some hair from your face. joel could feel the guilt creeping up his chest and god did it make him sick. “no, darlin’ jus’ give me a minute and i can make us somethin’ to eat. i’m sorry. i like you, sugar i just…it’s been a day ‘m sorry.” you smile genuinely at that and find your feet moving their way towards him. “you like me, miller?” your eyes are gentle when he looks down at you, and joel realizes you make him feel safe. “we can make another day out for this, ‘m not going anywhere ‘cause of one mishap. i was embarrassed, yes, but you were caught up with patrol and such there’s nothing to do about that. we’re fine, joel. i promise.” you press a gentle kiss to his cheek, to the other, then to his lips. “we can try again, hm?”

nsfw headcanons ↓

boyfriend!joel who fucks you rough and nasty. his hips are always so rough against yours as his beard tickles the side of you neck while he kisses down it. his fingers dig into your hips and the most you can do is whimper out his name. your eyes roll to the back of your head and youre grappling at his back desperately for any type of leverage. anything to keep your body grounded from the euphoria taking it over. “thas’ it sweet thing. you’re taking me so well, hm?” you can only nod as a sob rips from your throat, legs tightening around your boyfriend’s hips to pull him deeper within you. joel grips your jaw with his free hand, forcing you to look him in his eyes as he fucks you deeper. he pushes you further into the bed, hips slamming against yours at a stuttering pace. “joel- can’t- can’t- feels weird.” you sob out, closing your eyes only for them to flutter open when you cum. you cum hard, fluids spraying against his lower abdomen and some getting on the sheets. joel’s eyes change a certain way when he witnesses you squirt for the first time, and the twitch of his cock tells you he’s far from done.

boyfriend!joel who has a thing for face fucking. joel loves to get you on your knees or have you lay over the side of the bed. he’ll purr sweetly at you, “you gonna take it, pretty girl?” and you eat it up everytime. you’re looking up at him with big eyes, pressing kisses to his thighs and mumbling about how good you can be. he likes to take things slow before he uses his throat by tracing his thumb along your lip before tapping his cock against your lips. “go ahead sweet thing. take what you want.” and you’re already spitting on his cock, stroking him a few times before taking him in your mouth. you move up and down his cock, getting used to the size despite how many times you’ve taken him down your throat. joel knows when you’ve gotten settled because you take him all the way down your throat and hold it, blinking up at him like the most innocent thing in the world. joel prefers to grab your hair, pulling back before fucking into your throat slow and deep. he holds you there despite your sputtering and choking, only pulling out when he feels it’s enough. when joel begins to fuck your throat you can never help but guide your hands down to your cunt. you’re moaning around his dick while tears fall from your eyes, pitiful and shaking hands desperately rubbing at your clit. your hips jut into your hands to no avail, because only joel can make you cum the way you want to. his grip always tightens unbearably when he’s about to cum, and his hips stop deep in your pretty little throat to cum down it. “thas’ my sweet girl. takin’ this dick like it was made for ya.”

boyfriend!joel who loves nothing more than to eat you out. he loves the feeling of your warmth against his mouth, the way your pussy is so responsive to his actions. he loves to run his tongue through your folds before suckling on your clit. he rubs your clit slow and steady, watching your reactions to his ministrations. you cover your eyes with your forearm in an attempt to hide the tears already trying to form in your pretty eyes. joel chuckles at your actions before pulling back and pressing a soft kiss to your clit. “remember you gotta be quiet, pretty.” you nod quickly, whimpering softly because you need him to move. when joel starts he never really knows how to stop. he goes in, fingers stretching you deliciously while his lips work on your clit. he latches on and sucks, pulling the most wanton of moans from your lips. your hips jut against his face with a soft sob and you’re desperately trying to hang on to your already building orgasm. joel doesn’t care though. he only hooks his fingers in your cunt and thrusts, pulling back to spit on your pussy as if you weren’t wet enough. he flattens his tongue against your pussy, peeking up at you with what could only be a smug look in his eyes. “you gonna cum on my face, sweets?” you nod, shaking your head harder when you began to thrust up against his tongue. “gonna-” joel shakes his head. “don’t say it, do it.” and you’re creaming on his face as a cry rips through your throat.

boyfriend!joel who likes to fuck you in one of the check-in stations while the two of you are out on patrol. he rubs his hands down your sides, pinning you against the table of he little shack. you’re looking up at him with a cheeky smile that makes him raise a brow at your attitude. “what? you gonna fuck me in a lil shack ‘cause you can’t hold it? ‘nd you say i’m the slut.” joel doesn’t take attitude and you’re fully aware. trust. so you’re not surprised when his previous loving strokes down your side go rigid. he scoffs airily, “turn around.” you bite down on your lip but comply anyway, undoing your belt to allow him to pull your pants down easier. joel laughs from behind you, murmuring something along the lines of “fuckin’ slut.” and he tugs your pants and panties down in one tug. he runs his middle finger through your folds, tuting softly when he feels the slick build on his finger. “fuckin’ slut was already thinkin’ about getting fucked over this table, huh?” you moan softly, nodding to answer his question. you wiggle your ass out to him, looking over your shoulder with a pout. “please, joel? need it s’bad.” he laughs again this time, though it’s deeper and full of some sort of intent. he doesn’t say anything following his laugh, prompting you to turn around to ask again. “shut it.” joel snaps, thrusting into you in one quick, delicious thrust. your question dies on your lips as you lean forward and moan loud and deep, your pussy clenching tightly around your boyfriend. your eyes water from the sudden intrusion and your toes attempt to curl in your shoes. “mhm, bet you shut the fuck up now.” he hisses in your ear, gripping the back of your head to pull you back up with him. joel’s thrusts are hard and unforgiving, a pace he sets only for when you’ve been a brat or simply asked for it. you sob out his name, begging for him to slow down and that your pussy can’t take it. “can’t take it? didn’t you jus’ try to beg for it? you beg for it then you fuckin’ take it. take what you get sweet girl. ain’t that right?” words are lost to your little brain and you can only muster up a nod to his questions and statements. the hand that isn’t holding you up rests on your clit, giving it a sharp slap before he’s rubbing it like you aren’t already twitching against him. “oh my- fuck!” joel’s thrust only further the deep knot forming in your tummy, making you squirm and twitch in his grip. he chuckles when he feels you clench, too fucking tight, and you’re screaming and sobbing as you cum on his dick. “atta fuckin’ girl.” he lets you go, bending you over to ride out his own orgasm. your fingernails dig into the wooden desk, leaving scratch marks you would have a hard time explaining to the next couple to come out here for inspection. “shit, this pussy gotta be made for me. my pretty slut with a pretty pussy, hm?” you nod against the desk, praying a splinter doesn’t find it’s way into your face. “good.” you’re crying out, cumming again as joel’s balls slap against your pussy one final time. he cums deep inside of you, holding your hips down to ensure his seed stays deep inside of your pretty cunt. he pulls out, watching the way his cum oozes out of your pussy. “a sight i ain’ ever getting tired of.” he hums, shoving his fingers back into you.

back to the website !

other tags: @whichwitchwanda

[chevelleneech]

Just realized Jimin’s bashful shy act whenever he pretends to flirt with Jungkook, is his natural reaction when flirting with Jungkook, because he had the exact same physical response when JK told him he’d come up from the gym to see him on his birthday in 2021…

Which has led me to the conclusion that Jimin was not in fact flustered by Jungkook during that live, but was actually the one doing the flirting. What happened after he hung up the phone was the body language he uses when he “pretends” to flirt, meaning it’s most likely muscle memory. As in, the bashfulness probably is his form of flirting, so him getting his way on that call was just successful flirting with his little boo thang… lmao!

And my mind is even more made up, because I don’t think we’ve seen very much of JK flirting with Jimin, in the same way. I think Jungkook’s flirting might be more, “I’m going to lay all over you and stick up under you and hover around you because I want to be next to you all the time.”

Which we see a lot in general, but was also shown in AYS EP6, when Jimin left the bar because JK was taking too long to sip his drink. Jimin said let’s go, JK teased that he wasn’t done, so Jimin left. Yet what did JK do? Not savor his drink, that’s for sure. Unless they cut it out, but what we saw was him looking to see if Jimin for real walked away, necking the remainder and hurrying on, lol.

Even during his lives last year and stuff, what did Jungkook say whenever Jimin was brought up? “Spend time with me, spend time with me, spend time with me!” That’s his flirting, it seems like. Just demanding Jimin be near him, lmao!

Honestly, they are too funny. Jimin’s flirting: coquettish. Jungkook’s flirting: “I want to share your air.” Not even two sides of the same coin. Just eyelashes and obsession. I love it, lol.

[a018233]

✮⋆˙. Synopsis: Ino takuma x gyaru/gyaruo relationship headcannons

✮⋆˙. Content warning: non yandere, jealousy mention. maybe ooc ino?? He's kinda,, just a guy.

✮⋆˙. A/N: I wish it was 2020 again I have new ways to ruin my life.

• Ino hasn't dated much, maybe out on a couple of dates and mixers, but it had never led to anywhere serious or long-term due to him being a sorcerer. So he's ecstatic to have a total babe like you into him. Especially if you're the one who's making the moves on his giddy ass. With the way he's head over heels over you, you might think your his first relationship.

• The more time you spend together, the more you kinda rub off of him. If you ever use gyaru slang around him or if he's eavesdropping on you while you chat with your friends, he's quick to pick it up and add it to his own vocabulary.

• You rub off of him so much that he lowkey borrows some of your gyaruo magazine archives. He probably won't dress up in gyaruo unless he feels like matching with you.

• Probably accidentally texted Nanami: "Your little boy toy misses you~~~ (*ゝω･*)" into his dms, thinking he was replying to you while trying to mimic your cute emoticons.

• Nanami did in fact NOT miss him.

• But mostly, it's a cover-up for him to snag a magazine so he can use it as a guide for getting you presents. Even then, he's so into that matching couples thing that it's kinda sick. He knows he bagged a dreamboat like you, and now it's everyone's problem. You seriously got him swinging his feet while he's texting you. (ewwww)

• Would put you in his Instagram bio, and bling up his cellphone to match yours. He's so in love with you that it's sorta overbearing to anyone around you. You guys are the 'IT couple' at that point.

• If you're a gal that likes getting your nails down, he likes tagging along just so he can foot the bill cause one, he loooooves you. Two, it makes him feel manly, and it's an ego boost. (Even if you're a guy yourself)

• If you're a gyaruo, your wardrobe is kinda his now, sorry. He's kinda been biting your style since you've been dating him. New jacket? Mind if he borrows that? Oh, by the way, he took one of your belts this morning. Hope you don't mind!

• I'd argue that Ino is a pretty confident guy who's secure. But whenever you go out to those gyaru & gyaruo hangouts, he feels a little jealousy forming in his stomach.

• Especially if your *super* close with them, his heart literally falls out of his ass. What if you just decide one day to dump him because he doesn't match your style? What if you met your soul mate who matches you completely? Fashion sense and all.

• He always thought of himself as your other half, your cherry on top of your ice cream sundae, your teddy bear, your boo thang.

• PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't dump him, a total babe like you has completely changed his type. Nobody will ever amount to you. Forget whatever his type was before, his literal type is you.

• Ino himself would never admit this or say it out loud, but he lowkey dreams about a stereotypical gyaru/gyaruo wedding with you.

• Even if you mention it as a little joke, or simply just playing around with the idea of it. He seems to be a little *too* interested..

[sunlitewhispers]

Marvus and his money headcanon

(Been surfing through the marvus tags and I've got some thoughts to share regarding this clown)

To start off, I personally think troll currency is more digital than physical. Like everyone uses a card to trade or get items (and its only due to the empresses restrictions on things when she removed the adults from the planet) but physical money is still real, it's just a fun thing that highbloods and high midbloods use to flaunt and to trade amongst each other.

To signify the value of the bills, they have a strip of color from the cast they were made for. For example, Teals =80, Cerulean =90, Indigo =100, etc.

(There were coins that were common amongst lowbloods and low midbloods, but that got discontinued when moving to cashless/digital. There is evidence preserving the old currency existence such as in museums showings of the old times and extremely old paintings in the clown churches.) (You can think that these coins are caegars or not)

With that out the way! On to Marvus and his money 💰

I imagine Marvus doesn't really care about money nor feels that it has a heavy connection to his identity compared to performing/entertaining. Marvus just knows that people wanna see him and lose their shit at his concerts and are willing to drop stacks to be there even with the risk of being culled.

With that, Marvus can be loose with his money, quite literally throwing it around to which some highbloods would critique the act as 'disrespectful' and 'rebellious' since money is one of the ways ancestors can provide to descendants and give them a clue to their existence. (If they want or have left a will if they died, regardless, the empire still sets them up with a small fund)

I dont know if philanthropy would be an actual thing or just be a thing highbloods (like Zebruh) say they do for approval points. But I imagine Marvus would be the type to do so in the most unconventional means.

He probably stopped his tour bus once to grab a grubshake or a handmade sandwich from a small cafe and threw a fat band on the counter saying, "Keep da change lol." Leaving the workers there in awe and fear cause damn he just weirdly blessed them, and damn they now gotta fight off his fans from stealing the marvy money. (If Marvus is there, his fans are certainly gonna be there too.)

Marvus definitely buys his crew lunch or, if he's hanging with someone, offers to pay for them when he's out and about. He stresses tf out of his accountant because he doesn't keep track of how much he spends in a day. You know his ass absolutely has a money gun to use at his concerts.

Bascially when you're Marvus, you're a baller who is a big spender.

When interacting with Marvus, depending on his quadrant, you're gonna see how he moves with his cash.

•♡ Matespirit ♡•

if you got this man in this quadrant, good luck on getting Marvus not to spoil the fuck out of you. Trust and believe he'll take any chance to drop some stacks on you. If you guys are out and you say or point out some items, you can bet that Marvus is buying them.

Oh, you think that clothing line is cute? Guess what? He's ordered the entire line to be sent to your place.

Big fan of video games? No problem! He is getting the newest console out on the market in your favorite color with your name on it.

Love sweets? Bam! He's gonna invite you over to his crib and have you watch a team of trolls bake the best desserts of Alternia.

Money ain't a thang to this man. It gives him a chance to show his love through the material means and show that he wants you to enjoy yourself and time with him. Small part of him uses money to be a temporary fix when he has to go on long tours. If he can't spend time with you on troll FaceTime or in real life, he'll send gifts to show that he's still alive and thinking about you.

However, if large displays of affections through money don't appeal to you or you start to feel overwhelmed by the purchases or think he's being disingenious in his affection, he'll pull it back.

He'll likely give you a card that's connected to his account so you can have the control to buy what you want without feeling like you have to ask him. (And such an act will give him a small piece of security to know you'll have the means to survive financially on Alternia, especially if you've expressed times of financial hardships to him)

Also doesn’t matter if it's public or private, He's gonna randomly place bills on your person, i.e., stuffing them in your pockets, slipping them in your shirt pocket, pinning them to your jacket. If you ask him why he's doing that (or wonder where he stores his cash)(btw he literally has no pants pockets) Marvus is gonna give you a saucy wink and smile all dumb and say "a mf gotta pay dem feez 4 havin a wicked mate lik u b ;0)" than he'll place a smacking wet kiss on your forehead and be all noisey about it while doing so.

•◇ Moirials ◇•

In this quadrant, his spending habit might look casual to outsiders, but with you, they'll be a tad more personal. Still be extra af like in matespiritship but he'll be spending money to clear his mind or yours.

Feeling stressed about some unfinished work? Don't worry. He'll reserve a spa service just for you.

Need to cry out some hard feelings? He's gonna get some matching pajamas and grab some emergency blankets to get that session on.

You know that one ring that SpongeBob and Patrick have to show off their friendship? He's gonna get something like that to represent your guy's moirallgience. Anything involving moirails, he will buy and send them to you.

You're definitely gonna be his merch tester and probably be brought to his trips to the galleries when he goes to buy art pieces. (Need your support and opinion when bidding for art pieces.)

Like with matespiritship, if you feel like he's being insincere or rather prefers more handmade gifts. He'll try to schedule days to create personal gifts. He might pay someone to tutor him about your interests just so you can rant without having to stop and explain what you're talking about.

Marvus will remember what your favorite snacks and favorite meals are for when you're hanging with the crew or just him. Compared to where he won't care about what someone orders, you don't gotta worry about an order mess up or reminding him. He got that locked in, unless you want something different, then just point him to it.

If there is a fucked up order for you, he will raise hell. Typically, he won't care if something he orders is messed up. He'll pay for another one. However, on behalf of his moirial, this mf gonna walk up to the counter like that meme saying they asked for no pickles. The first and hopefully (in his opinion) only time you'll ever see him asking for a refund.

A thing that'll be a routine of your relationship is him swinging by your place late af in the daytime to grab you and get some breakfast before he has to start his night.(Unless you spend the day at his hive than he'll order said breakfast and catch some more Zzzs with you.)

•♤ Kismeses ♤•

Now in this quadrant, compared to the other two, Marvus is a clown who's mischievous as hell. This bitches antics are gonna be up to 100 when it comes to him.

Honestly, you're gonna be on your toes for buying things. It'll become a back and forth of him randomly, not having money than to him having it though being really annoying and lazy with it.

If your someone who's well off, you better hide your wallet. Marvus will snag your card and make an excuse how he left his cash in his other pants/trailer/hive and buy the most stupidest shit under your name. (He'll troll cash app you back but do it so tediously that you hope your account crashes)

If he catches a single hint or a word, even a wrinkle of disgust on you, Marvus will make it the bane of your life.

You dislike the residue of his paint left on your face after a hate-makeout session? Marvus now has to buy this one face paint that is known for being messy. what? His manager told him, too. :0)

You think cowboy boots are clunky and tacky? Guess who's strolling up in some bedazzled purple lined boots that jingle when he walks.

You make a comment on how creepy troll beanie boos plushies are, he's gonna get a brand deal with them and send you a crate of his new designs. A note will be attached saying "4 my numba 1 fan ;0)~".

Similar to moirallgience, you will be a merch tester, yet you won't know if he's being serious or wanting to rile you up. Regardless, when you shit on the design he's showing you, that's how he'll know his fans will love it! Doesn't matter if it's the simplest design, an eyesore to the public, he'll promote it to the point that even your small-time friends will surely mention the product to you. Might even send a shout-out to you on Chitter for your 'help'.

Don't ask him for a bill if you want something from a vending machine. Marvus will pull the most crumpled weirdly stained bill you'll ever see in your lifetime and smile at you plainly like, "Here u go buddi dats all I can find on me atm lmao." Additionally to this, he will slowly count his bucks out if you all are in a line somewhere. (Marvus knows no one will rush him and if you complain, he'll pretend he lost count and start over)

To conclude this, watch out for when he's feeling more petty. He'll make a habit of sending you items in loud peculiar packaging that suggest to those handling it that there's something inappropriate in it when there really isn't.

•♧ Auspistice ♧•

With this one, Marvus doesn’t fit the vibe of where he might truly kill his kismeses. Nor does he seem to want to be in a situation to be aggravated enough to join in murdering someone (Going off his response to MSPA reader when the clown fight happened). However, Marvus may strive on not becoming active on those emotions. Close calls can exist.

A tiff among his roadies about best faygo flavors is a good way. His manager hassling him, and trying to change up his brand is close enough. Groupie sea dwellers trying to follow him back to his trailer and not taking a hint is a real close call.

If you mediate for Marvus a few times, he'll certainly be grateful (and a bit embarrassed) he'll grant you a gift card of some shop of your choice as thanks.

On the other hand, you've been around long enough to spot a murderous Marvus, then you're undeniably a part of his inner circle. With the exception of being his paid emotional bodyguard coach.

As business-like, it might seem in the beginning, you're a trustworthy and skillful individual in Marvus's eyes. He knows dealing with irritated trolls, particularly enraged highbloods, is not a fun nor easy task.

Other trolls may feel like this relationship is wandering into moirallgience territory.(which might be) Marvus won't really care about those opinions and possibly offer to meditate for you in the event he catches you in a tense position.

You’ll be called for his long tours when he has to do shows for sea dwellers and, without a doubt, be put through the ringer. It'll end with you guys munching on loads of the troll version of ice cream in silence.

At any point, you're too stressed to de-escalate a situation. He'll give you a paid vacation and make sure you don't come back until you are entirely stressed free.

He may tell you once he calms down that you should open a private business due to your and I quote "motherfckin dopeazz obzi-va-tional skilz."

Small note : Marvus has dealt with people trying to form a quad with him just for the fame/money, as we seen with Zebruh. So if he catches signs that what's happening, he's going to be acting distant and extremely scripted around you, then like ghost you. You'll be blacklisted from his concerts (unknowingly), and future clowns might keep a close eye on you if you hang at the churches.

Welp, that's all! Hopefully, this was entertaining to read! I do apologize if some parts feel rushed or that there were more details in some quads, I tried to keep them around the same length.

[mazeinthemiroh]

hihi, I just read the scenario for ateez with an s/o whose personality is similar to another member and I lived it so much,,, I was wondering if it was okay to request scenarios or hcs about going to the gym together with each member?👉🏻👈🏻

ateez when their s/o goes to the gym with them

genre: headcanons; general, crack

word count: 0.7k

warnings: none

author's notes: thanks for your request sweetie. i hope this is what you meant but please let me know if i misinterpreted because i am super tired and it's very likely that i might have 😭

hongjoong

sharing a gym space with you allows hongjoong to step into flirty territory

he uses the equipment around him to make himself alluring ✨

i mean we all know he works on his chest the most so have fun with that one i'm totally not jealous ahaha i'm fine with this

but mostly it's kinda fun and carefree with him. he doesn't take the gym too seriously to be honest

will probably end up just chatting with you on the treadmill, both of you walking at a leisurely pace and using the time to catch up and talk about life

seonghwa

he persuades you to join like a yoga class or something

lists all the benefits of the class and pretends he's a professional when really his knowledge was all down to research he did in the middle of the night

the class is actually a lot more harder than he thought so he regrets even making you do it in the first place

so after bending in places he didn't know could bend, he's very much ready to take his leave and go get a maccies or smth

yunho

literally just goofs around the whole time

like... what did you expect?

if you thought this was going to be a serious gym session, please think again

this man literally does anything to make you laugh, and when he is in one of those giggly moods there's literally no stopping him, even at a public place like a gym

the type to sing 'row row row your boat' whilst on the rowing machine 💀 like you cannot take him anywhere

he's so unserious, pls

yeosang

he's like a humble bragger

will subtly flex and show off his arms to you, perhaps by using weights or resistance bands to work his biceps and triceps and really define their look

and then be all shy and giggly about like 'ahahha i'm so cute and shy but also very very hot please touch my arms uwu'

i can't with him-

he's actually a massive tease, idk if you can tell already

just so coy in like the best way possible, and he doesn't even mean to act like it. that's just who he is

san

he's not as subtle as yeosang is, that's for sure

we've got another flirty boy over here

he loves the attention he gets and he lives for compliments. words of affirmation is his thang, after all

so he will definitely show off in front of you and have no shame in doing so!

will probably go a step too far and lift really heavy weights that he can't actually lift and will probably pull a muscle or something 💀

then you'll have to support him as he limps his way out of the gym. hopefully he would've learned his lesson by that point

mingi

mingi is so touchy at the gym omg

he loves watching you working out regardless like it's just so satisfying for him

and then he will show off what he can do for you, within reason

but usually he likes working out with you and seeing if he can lend a hand in anyway

and between water breaks, despite being hot and sweaty, he's all over you, whether that's leaning on you when his breathing hard when really he just wants a hug, or anything else that he does

he loves spending time with you regardless so he is more than happy to invite you to the gym every time he thinks of going!

wooyoung

is so competitive omg, and for no reason???

like you might just be minding own business when he pulls up on the treadmill next to you and goes a pace higher than what you're doing

so then you go faster than him to challenge him

and then he goes faster than you

and so on

until yall are sprinting on that thing until one of you concedes to the other

depending on how stubborn you are, you could be running for a long while

just be sure to bring some water because you're gonna need it afterwards

jongho

jongho obviously is very strong and can quite easily lift most weights at the gym

he still likes to challenge himself though so he may try even heavier weights that he hasn't tried before

usually sticks to his own thing and leaves you to it

but if you ask him for help, he can be a very good personal trainer

will teach you how to do certain things you're unsure about or tell you how to do things safely so you don't hurt yourself or pull a muscle

he loves being able to help you in this way

[chloe12801]

I feel like this may be an odd request but I have the biggest crush on Lamar. Could I ask for relationship headcanons for him if you are up for it? SFW and NSFW would be appreciated but totally up to you. I feel like the odd woman out in my love for him lol Thank you!

Lamar Davis Headcannons

TW: non-graphic sexual details

There’s actually quite a few who love Lamar, I’m one of them! If he had more screen time even more people would, imo. He’s a great character and this request was not odd at all! I had fun doing it :)) I hope you enjoy!

- He loves spending time smoking weed in his house with you. It would be one of his favorite date night activities

- Pet names like shawty, lil mama, sweet thang, sexy, and some other reference to you as a person (ex: pumpkin/pumpkin head if you are really into fall/autumn just to be a bit cheeky)

- He’s an ass man, his hands will be all over yours all of the time

- He’s a great roaster, you two will likely have roast sessions where you just go back and forth dissing each other. It’s all in good fun though

- Loves you as much as chop, but not more than him. He’s chop, essentially Lamar’s son, after all

- Will want to share his raps and poems with you, also will be very happy if you’re receptive to his philosophies. No one else really is so it would be a nice change

- Will let you keep one of his hats because you look cuter in it, will be happy to see you wearing it out and about

- You will probably fight about his impulsivity and recklessness that always ends up with him being in danger. You just worry about him and wish he used his brain more in serious situations

- He thinks he’s almost invincible, so he won’t understand why you’re concerned. He thinks he can handle his own even if it’s him against every man in LS

- Lamar is really loyal so if you have any enemies or people you simply don’t like, he’s going to feel that way about them too (unless it’s someone from his circle, in that case he will try to keep the peace between everyone, defending all of you to each other)

- He’s going to want you to be the same way to him, very loyal

- He’s goofy, tries to stay positive, and wants other people to relax more. He will do what he can to make you more like this as well

- For example, if you’re stressed he will joke and try to calm you down with reassurance and positivity

- He can be jealous and petty (just look at the whole employee if the month situation). If someone is coming on to you he’s going to be clingy and have a grudge against them for a long time, even if the grudge just consists of bringing up the situation to the person coming on to you for years

- He’s spiritual and into learning about spiritual types of things. If you like crystals and chakras, for example, he’s going to eat up every word

- He’s good in bed. He doesn’t take it too serious, he makes sure you are having a good time, and his nickname “long dick” isn’t an overcompensation

- I don’t think he has many kinks, perhaps roleplay of wild animals/predator prey situations. He mainly likes trying new positions and paces

- He thinks sex is a spiritual thing, especially if you love the person. He feels like it connects you to higher powers and gives you better energies

- He’ll be honest with you about everything, like if you have something in your teeth. He can be blunt about it, but he doesn’t mean any harm

- He will want a bunch of kids, likes the idea of a little Army of Lamars running around

[butmakeitgayblog]

Can you Tell us the story about how you met your wife and got together? I know It was somehow Clexa related, pretty please ;)

Oh Sam's not actually my wife 😅 we're not married and probably will never get married. Between us both being the products of divorce (and unhappy marriages prior to that involving parents who stayed together way too long), plus with my whole health issues thing and maybe ending up needing to be on disability down the road, we just decided to shelve that whole notion for the foreseeable future, possibly forever. But in spirit she is, a piece of paper isn't needed. I mean she buys me rotisserie chickens 🥹

Anyway yeah!

So shortly before the pandemic hit I was going out to dinner with a group of friends and one of them asked if she could bring her cousin along. She said her cousin had recently moved down into the area for work and didn't really know anybody else and so, ya know, it'll give her a chance to socialize. We all met up and it was nice and I'm thinking hmm she's cute but also pretty quiet and kinda stoic and probably straight so it was like meh whatever she's alright I guess 🥴. But then during dinner I was eating something that everyone knew would make me feel icky and I said something along the lines of like, "Eh fuck it, victory stands on the back of sacrifice, right?" Fully thinking no one would pick up on it because I knew no one else there had ever watched the show.

But then miss thang's head shot up like 😳

Nobody else having caught this reference, we spend the next several seconds having a silent

moment across the table 🥴

She said I turned both white as a sheet and then fire engine fuckin red😅😅😅 (I have a very real blushing problem. It's the cross I bear that comes with the chubby cheeks, r.i.p.)

After that she started joining in the convo more and actually coming out of her shell. We started kind of having our own side convo just between us and when the check came everyone else decided to call it a night but we stayed behind and had another drink at the bar. We ended up staying till right about closing, and then exchanged numbers and decided to ~hang out~ the next day ~just us~.

For the conversation, obviously.

And that was kind of that. We saw each other pretty much every day after that and text constantly and called each other every night before bed if we weren't staying over together. At first Iiiiiii had a *moment* of panic of not really knowing what we were because it just went from not knowing she existed to having her be kind of the focal point of my life, but she was kind enough to just be like "🙄+😏+🤦‍♀️ we're dating, Andi. We've been dating. That's what we are. Don't hurt yourself there, champ."

So kudos to her for that...

It was tough during the beginning stages of the pandemic because she has family that is very high risk and so do I, both of which if they got it they'd probably die, so quarantine and social distancing was rough but necessary, but we worked through it and both feel more solid for it. And now we live together and she helps me take care of my mother and myself and I do my best to be her support and help her and be her best cheerleader whenever I can 🥹

Downside tho is I'll forever be labeled "Cousin Fucker" in my friend's phone contacts 😒

[cant-get-no-worse]

i am always very intrigued by the neymessi relationship. thoughts on them?

Hiya people! I'm currently having a good chuckle because as I read your asks, I see mutuals celebrating the neymessi overtaking cressi on ao3 party. Uncanny. World colllides. Anyways. Imma rant now, you just gave me free real estate!

Disclaimer : this isn't me parasocially psychoanalizing the friendship of two grown ass men I've never seen nor talked to, this is just me covering bases of funny thoughts me n some friends have been entertaining about it. It's senseless ramble and fun and I gotta make profit off of those hours I spend looking at them interact aight.

First of, whatever I could say about it, in the end, everything condenses into this, really: it's a beautiful human bound. Akin to those unlikely friendships brought together by football — kinda makes you think this god wrenched sport isn't so wasted after all. Then you see Harry Kane's face, and you deflate, but that's a whole otha thang (sorry Kane mutuals) (the bloke is coming to PSG anyways).

It's all the more fascinating as we partially saw it develop in real life, and its 'public' aspect is well documented, from the tweets of Neymar all the way back in 2011 fan girling over Messi when they hadn't even met, to the countless footage of games, backstages, documentaries, interviews, little snippets here and there. Let's go over some aspects in an orderly manner.

Similarities between Neymar and other dudes

You can kind of wonder how Leo, introverted as he is, could have ended up entertaining a decade-long friendship (spent apart for four whole years) with such guy as Neymar, a whole five years his junior. And then you look at Leo’s other myriad of friends over the course of the years: Ronaldinho, the whole Brazilian squad of Barcelona who took him under their wing because they liked him, Kun Agüero, Rodrigo De Paul and Leandro Paredes. All extroverted, a bit immature/impulsive, loudmouthed, joyful dudes, and then you realize the guy just has a knack for befriending such people. It just compliments his character. (I’m not adding Luis Suarez to the bunch cause while Luis is impulsive, loudmouthed, extroverted, joyful, he is also a whole other vibe, much more settled/mature, it’s a whole other thing. Could rant about it for hours too. That Messi/Suarez friendship is so genuine, easy, weird, and amazing).

What’s the diff with Suarez

So talking about Suarez, I think the best way to start discerning a relationship is to oppose it to others. The easiest way being here opposing the Messi/Suarez and Neymar/Suarez to the Neymar/Messi. They’re all friends, but the duos don’t work the same way, and it’s obvious. Messi/Suarez are besties, they share the same age, interests, mate, families, whatever. Messi brought him on his honeymoon. Like what the actual fuck. Anyways. Suarez/Neymar reads more like a friend/brothers relationship, were they liked to mess around, fuck around and make fun of each other. You’d think since Suarez and Messi are rigorously the same age, Messi and Neymar’d have a similar relationship. But na. You just can’t look at it and state Messi/Neymar relationship is only brother like. They are brothers, but not only. There’s a shit ton of layers, due to the circumstances of their meeting, their career trajectories, what they represent, for their countries as for football, the roles they had to assume towards each other at FCB in the beginning, but also due to their characters. So what’s the layers?

Childhood/idol

The whole « child gets to play alongside the idol he used to watch on TV » boat has been sailed already by a ton of other players from all leagues, it’s one of the joys of this sport. It’s very sweet, to see how much Neymar used to hop on Twitter to unabashedly fanboy alongside other people over a Messi performance or to even just wish him a very enthused happy birthday (the proofs are there and he hasn’t even deleted them lmfao, the boy was relentless). What I like about it, however, is how little that behavior faltered over the course of the years. Younger players generally tone down the whole idolizing stuff, whether because they’re disillusioned about it (don’t meet your heroes, eh), because they’re just getting used to it, because it’d be awkward, they reserve it when they’re asked about it, in shorter commentaries. Neymar didn’t. Quite the contrary; it’s like playing with Messi only heightened his esteem for the other’s abilities, and to this admiration of the professional side, a personal layer of first-hand appreciation, by becoming a teammate and a friend, was added. Ten years later, placing a bet on Neymar name-dropping Messi on his interviews remains the safest money gambling you’ll do in your life, alongside betting on Pep doing the same (Pep’s odds are admittedly a bit higher, but the man is just batshit insane.) How little Neymar cares about how his admiration is perceived by others or by Leo himself, how unabashedly awed and praiseful he remained of Leo’s skills. Leo himself said he found it a bit embarrassing at times, because Neymar would say it to his face, but at the end of the day, it was just flattering and endearing to receive compliments from a friend and a fellow good player. That side of their relationship could have become, as some put it, embarrassing or awkward, a star-struck teammate who never grew out of it, but because of the sheer sincere nature of both their character (albeit a transparency showing through different ways, Neymar’s being the most flashy) – a trait that seemed to have been key in the establishment of their friendship – they managed to make it simply impossible for it to be embarrassing. They’re completely candid with the other about that, have been since day one, and the result is one of the healthiest child-turned-teammate-of-idol relationship you’ll get to witness. It’s utterly touching, and extremely human.

Brazil/Arg superstars & Countries rivalry

The other obvious aspect is the whole Brazil/Argentina dichotomy. This one is the thing that get a lot of imagination fuming on the internet due to the cinematic parallels/star crossed/movie-like narratives you can appose and romanticize. Barring every other consideration, I just think it’s so fitting it’s almost laughable. The resemblances in career path – two players from arguably the two countries the most insane about football and with the greatest football legacy, star boys turned 10 and figures of their respective selections, compared to an early age to the two ever looming figures of Maradona and Pelé (although Messi probably in a more glaring way, with Maradona himself stating outright the succession thing and Neymar’s comparisons being split between Pelé and Ronaldinho’s profiles). Their friendship threw a bridge over that eternal rivalry, bridge that became all the more obvious the more years passed and the more they became the centralizing figures for their NT and faced each other on the fields. The two teams trash each other on the ground, but respect prevail between players – not just Neymar and Leo, btw, that goes for seemingly every player, given that a lot of them crosses paths with each other at club level. In any case, I believe that mutual respect condenses itself in the 10’s relationship. The video of Leo refusing to engage in a song mocking Brazil (2023 Arg-Panama WC celebration) (keeping in mind trash-singing culture is widespread in Latin America, much more so than Europe; singing such songs isn’t necessarily personal, it’s just… tradition, and especially when you’re Brazil and Argentina and you just beat the other) and in another instance (after the 2021 Copa America) actively discouraging teammates to drop the subject tells you everything you need to know about the amount of care/respect the both of them hold each other to.

Mentor

There’s the whole mentoring role to it, too. When Neymar arrived in 2013 in the team, Leo had established himself already. Puyol, Xavi, Iniesta, all remained the older mentors of the team, but in term of talent and path, it kind of became obvious that Neymar could become Leo’s protegee the same way Leo was Dinho’s. The first steps were hesitants, as we all know, what with Neymar needing time to fit in a whole new league and continent, the infamous locker room chat, but after a year or so the ball got rolling (ha-ha). Imo, eventually (perhaps not in the first years, but from 2015/2016, at least after the 2014 WC) Leo seemed to have fully settled/grew into this kind of mentor-mentality and wanted to help Neymar get his BO and stuff. That’s partly why the 2017 departure could have left a bitterness aftertaste or at least a feeling of failure to have completely achieved what Dinho did on his part. See how eager he was to help Ousmane when Dembélé arrived.

Complementary play and MSN balance

On the football side, I mean. Not much to say. They’re probably the two guys with the biggest reserve of pure, raw talent of the 21st century (I mean from 2000 til 2023, as far as we know). It’s ridiculous how those two guys ended up playing together. At 20 years old, people were asking if Messi was one of the greatest players of all time, and at 21 years old, Ronaldinho said that Neymar would surpass Messi. Talent doesn’t necessarily equal chemistry on field, tho (cough side glance at you know where cough), yet they made it work, thanks to Luis who provided the final balance for it all. Funnily enough, people always praise MSN as being completely devoid of ego, as if they’re some kind of saints individually, but that’s not true. They have some ego, they’re just good dudes. Ego isn’t a bad personality trait. Most top athletes have it, it pushes you. Those guys just knew where to place it, how to handle it, and they were just too good of persons individually, and too good friends mutually. They were selfless with each other, and it was so damn refreshing to see, and it's something that perpetuates still at PSG.

Physical proximity/chemistry

Do you hear that? That’s the horde of Ao3 writers barreling towards, foam at their mouth and keyboards at their fingers, wide eyed. Quick, shut the door. Oh wait, I’m one of them. YOU’RE TRAPPED. HAHA.

Na, about that, it’s just of those things that happen. Their chemistry and instinct to touch is obvious, if the hundredths of pictures and compils with Ariana Grande screaming Save Your Tears in the background wasn’t enough to pass the hint. But honestly, there’s nothing more to see here. Some players get more physical than others, just because. Some people get more physical than others, just because. That’s chemistry. Football, like all sports, take you from the lowest point just to lift you up with an adrenaline rush the very next minute. Unlike other sports, however, it’s a team sport, so you play, you work through it, you win, you celebrate not alone, but with other people. Much more so when you’re working as a unit, like Neymar and Messi were with Suarez as the forwards, tuning to each other’s mind/bodies to get the chemistry running and the goals flowing.

Seeing them together uncannily reminded me of one of my own relationship with someone in my entourage. We disliked each other, and then kind of overnight, unexpectedly, became friends, and started touching each other. There wasn’t anything sexual about it, it was innocent in all forms, but there was just this instinctive, mindless move of putting arms around each other’s shoulders, holding hands, or whatever. There was genuinely nothing to see here, it’s just the way our friendship/relationship worked. It’s an intrinsic part of it, a constant. Touching holds more than a thousand words. You can imagine how such a medium of communication is exalted through sports, where physicality is everywhere and the first language everyone speaks.

Whether in 2015 or 2022, take any video, they’re always going to be jumping to each other. There’s some degrees of variation; sometimes, most times, it’s to celebrate, it’s euphoric and lively and flying about, others it’s a touch on the shoulder, the hair, the waist. Whether as a teammate checking on the other because of an injury (generally it was due to Neymar being bodied by opposition players), diffusing a situation (Neymar getting worked up over another player), as friends gossiping, as opposite players (Leo asking for a yellow on Ney and then both touching to level the situation), a hug or touch on the thigh (2015 UCL celebration), a gentle touch on a knee during training for no other reason than it’s a natural instinct and it’s an relationship in which it’s normal, whatever. Sometimes they hug to celebrate, sometimes it’s loaded (see 2021 CA final). I can’t explain it, just browse about and you’ll see plenty. It’s also the eyes — Neymar can be caught looking unabashedly at Leo with the same adoration as a kid. His platonic passion is just one of a kind. Leo will be found staring amused, tender or just lost in thought. It’s endearing. The eyes, chico. Once again; it just works.

There’s not much to see or read here, it’s just because it is. Marco Verratti doesn’t have a relationship as personal with them as they do and yet the fucker will always find a way to touch them thighs or shoulders – because some people are just physical like that. Also because he’s an Italian hooker. But that’s a whole other story. Ramos and Modric have insane chemistry in the same way. A handful of teammates pairs have that kind of thing going.

They also don’t convey it like the other people they’re physically close to. You just watch Messi and Suarez interact and touch (and they do! A lot!) and it’s not the same as when Neymar and Messi do. Messi and Agüero, Messi and Piqué (cough), Messi and Pedri, Neymar and Mbappé, Neymar and Dani Alves, Neymar and the whole fucking world cause he’s that touchy mf. Each one of these ways of touching tell the depths and subtleties of the relationship lying behind, you could ramble hours about two people like I’m doing but at the end of the day you just look at how the both of them touch and look, and you get it. (i direct you to cara's blog!)

It works for them, as it works for lots of human beings. We touch to convey stuff. They lived through tough and euphoric times with their club, had the weight of the two arguably most prestigious football selections on their shoulders, went through boring training sessions, flights, team drama, tax evasion stuff (cue laughter), they’ve been evolving in the same world of money, public and fast-paced life for years. Add to that the personal relationship - friends, teammates, mentors, opposites, etc. They’re on a common understanding ground. They touch. That’s the wordless language.

Extrovert/introvert

The extrovert introvert thing, blabla. It’s just endlessly entertaining to see them interact because it seems like a stark contrast on paper, but in reality, they kinda even each other out. Neymar is his usual outgoing, ray of sunshine (Galtier’s words, not mine), fidgeting, energy-filled dude, and Leo’s calm, dealing with his shit on his own terms, perfectly okay with not talking, but also perfectly okay with gossiping and joking about. That’s one of the most underrated aspects to their friendship, imo. It just seems, from 2013 to now, that they just have tremendous fun being around each other. It’s not the same kind of energetic, very showy-pranksty-physically fun you can see Neymar have with other Brazilians or Suarez or Mbappé etc, because of Leo’s character, it happens in a different way (the energies match differently). Whether at Barca, on an international pitch or at PSG, each time they are seen being around each other, you just know there’s gonna be a picture of them cracking up over dumb shit. Every time. Clockwork. It’s kinda amazing lmfao.

The 2017 – 2021 era

Now you’d think they’d be close during their days at FCB because of circumstances; you have a coworker, you surprisingly get along fine, you become friends, then one of you leave works, and slowly but surely the relationship or wish to reunite get fainter and fainter. It’s just something we experience a lot, and it’s also something you see in football a lot due to transfers (cue that tumblr post about a player transfering is like selling your child). Players become friends, friendships get severed because of space and time and the impossible schedule. The thing with Ney and Leo is that all throughout 2017 – 2021, they not only seemed to have maintained a friendship, but above all a fierce wish to play with each other again. Multiple accounts from that period of time say Leo reportedly asked for Neymar to be brought back by the board each time they asked which improvements/suggestions the players (and esp Leo, given his influence at FCB) would give. Neymar stated multiple times and publicly (in a typical Neymar fashion) that he wanted to play with Leo again. It’s like they’d found the perfect partnership, on and off the pitch, and they were both wanting it again.

The Barça to PSG transition

Now the PSG era!! It's quite fascinating, for you could consider the dynamics to have been inversed: Leo was the one arriving, Neymar was the experienced one on these grounds. There’s no football mentorship going on, for Neymar didn't have to teach Leo how to play, Leo having enough experience to just about integrate himself anywhere, but there is the mentorship in adapting, if you will – to a new league, new country, new teammates. Similarities in situation plastered everywhere, eight years later. You can kind of see why it can be easy to go mad at how this entire relationship do seem like a written story filled with parallels cause the author is so keen on it.

In the first year, Leo was seen hanging with the Latam - Neymar, Paredes, Di Maria, Icardi etc - (and Marco Verratti, cause the short fucker is just likeable like that) to the point where there really seemed to be "clans" within the locker rooms. I don't think it's necessarily true, rather it was just a bunch of close friends (two of which he'd just won the Copa América with) and shameless admirers of him who were all too eager to help him adapt, esp given Leo's character - he just isn't one to take the first step towards others, normally, even less so in a foreign country/club where locker rooms dynamics are already up and going. I don't remember which PSG ex player said he was quiet in his corner and didn't make no waves. Then after Di Maria and Paredes' departure, it seems Neymar really took on that role.

See the videos of training or games from 2021 – 2023, a rough 80% of the time they remain glued to each other, with others tagging along (Verratti esp). They do the exercises together, they warm up alongside, they go in and out of the pitch talking, they wait talking (see : the Riyadh XI game). The difference with FCB times are quite stark: in Barça they would have other friends to be around to here and there - Suarez, Busquets, Alba, Piqué, Alves - while it seems at PSG they're revolving around each other. Not that Neymar doesn't have friends; he's befriended the whole locker room, but he did once slip in whatever interview that Paris had never managed to be really home. It's nothing dramatic, but an interesting insight. Leo on the other hand is perhaps not very interested in entertaining personal relationships with the other players outside of professionalism – once again Verratti seems to be an exception, they stick a lot together esp since Neymar’s injury —, so it’s just natural. So it was about falling back/gravitating around the most familiar thing you could find, made all the more obvious after the Di Maria/Paredes departure. They know each other, it’s a relationship of transparency and trust (as aforementioned) and fun, and they'd always wanted to play with each other again. At that point, it's not a new friendship where they just know each other for two years on surface, are unsure about each other, or prompt to unstability or smth. They've been friends for a decade. They've been through very emotional moments in club and in nation (2021 CA Final), it's not just being coworkers. Old habits die hard, etc. Imo the core of the relationship didn't change, but the setting and circumstances did add closeness to them - Leo is just fine/most comfortable being with Neymar and Verratti mostly, and the two are too happy to oblige because they love him. Makes for a wonderful midget trio, of which we unfortunately didn't get enough.

Conclusion

I like it. As you could probably guess from the Bible-length commentary I just pumped out. It’s just refreshing to see a relationship as genuine as these two, seemingly coming out of the blue, that somehow continued through time and space separation. The absurd resilience of such bound makes it seems so effortless for them to be friends, due to the fundamentally good/true nature of their respective characters, and I treasure it dearly, even more so after having followed/seen other friendships from different players be broken up over shit. It’s a caring, genuine, trusting, tender, fun, complicit relationship, and one I think will go on beyond the end of their football careers – in other forms.

[lets-talk-spirituality]

Hip Hop Playlist

Because nothing can make you feel cockier than rap! And 2023 is a year for cockiness after spending years being way too humble.

🎤🎧🎸🥁🎹🎺🎻🎷🪗🪇🪈🪕🪘🎤🎧🎸🥁

DNA- Kendrick Lamar

My Hood- Jeezy

All Day-Kanye West

Piss on your grave— Travis Scott

U Mad? — Vic Mensa

I’m different—2 Chainz

Ain’t I— Yung LA

Rubberband Man— TI

Rubberband Man— A$AP Ferg

Beat It— Young Dolph

U guessed it— OG Maco

Final Warning— NLE Choppa

Not Nice—Megan Thee Stallion

Bricks— Gucci Mane

Halle Berry—Hurricane Chris

Hard in da Paint— Waka Flocka Flame

Grove St Party— Waka Flocka Flame

Snap Yo Fingers— Lil Jon

Hypnotized— Plies

U don’t know me— T.I.

We Luv Deez Hoez— OutKast

Yeah Right— Vince Staples

Smoke & Retribution— Flume

No Long Talk— Drake

John— Lil Wayne

Money in the Grave—Drake

Suge— DaBaby

Throw Some Ds— Rich Boy

You was right— lil uzi vert

Bitch—moneybagg yo

Press—Cardi B

No Frauds— Nicki Minaj

Party Up— DMX

Hold It, Now Hit It— Beastie Boys

Fuck that shit— Three 6 Mafia

Birdz— wuki

Materialism as a means to an end—$uicideboy$

Love Again— Run the Jewels

Gas Pedal—Sage the Gemini

Whole Lotta Choppas— Sade ft Nicki Minaj

Whole lotta money— Bia

Bills paid— Dj Khaled

All Ass— Migos

Fuckwitmeyouknowigotit—Jay Z

Track Star Remix— Mooski

Lookin’ Boy— Hot Stylz

Thick— Dj Chose

Laffy Taffy— D4L

The way I live— Baby Boy Da Prince

Independent— Webbie

Roll Out (My Business)— Ludacris

Holidae Inn— Chingy

HAM— Kanye West

Backseat Freestyle— Kendrick Lamar

Diana— Pop Smoke

Blasé— Ty Dolla Sign

IV. sweatpants— Childish Gambino

Hella Neck—Carnage

Bricks—Carnage

I Like Tuh— Carnage

Going through changes—Eminem

Yahhh!— Soulja Boy

Still Dre— Dr. Dre

Nuthin’ But A G Thang— Dr. Dre

Pressurelicious—Megan Thee Stallion

Hot N****— Bobby Shmurda

Don’t Like— Chief Keef

Panda— Desiigner

Swing— Savage

Tie Me Down— New Boyz

Mrs Right— Mindless Behavior

Shake Senora— Pit Bull

Dance (ASS)— Big Sean

Amen— Meek Mill

Started—Iggy Azalea

Look At Me!— XXXTENACION

All Gold Everything—Trinidad James

Famous—21 Savage

Enough— Flume/Pusha T

You Be Killin ‘Em—Fabolous

Country Grammer— Nelly

Lock Jaw— French Montana

We Fly High—Jim Jones

Move (If You Wanna)—Mims

Rock Yo Hips— Crime Mob

I Know You See It— Yung Joc

Hood N****— Gorilla Zoe

Throw Some Mo—Rae Sremmurd

Flex (Ohh, Ohh, Ohh)— Rich Homie Quan

My N****— YG

Flex Like Ouu— Lil Pump

Whoopty— CJ

Shoulder Lean—Young Dro

Ridin’ Dirty— Chamillionaire

Lean Back— Terror Squad

Where the bag at—City Girls

Stupid— Ashnikko

Spoil My Night—Post Malone

Slow Motion—Juvenile

Too much sauce— Future

Lean Wit it Rock Wit It— Dem Franchize Boyz

P.I.M.P— 50 Cent

[leagueofdccm]

negan & maggie - ultimate ship meme

ULTIMATE SHIP MEME! || @nghtmarish

General:

Rate the Ship -   Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - as i always say, for our ships forever

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - honestly. i know this version of (your)negan x (my)maggie is different from (my)negan x (your)maggie, which i think it's great cause it's like different versions of how they fell in love. or the relationship started & such. def didn't fall in love right away. the issues between them are a huge part of why, but I think the hate/the tension that clouds around them is too heavy for them to ignore. all that hate maggie has for negan. enemies to lovers on the real deal. cause while she spends a lot of time hating him, trying to kill him- we know that just ends in hate sex, fucking the hate out as the kids say. LMAO. but also what's our biggest enemy? the heart. because the way it would piss maggie off with the way her heart would ache for him. omfg. when she finally understands her feelings for HIM. that she loves this killer ? -- she's gonna avoid him like the plague LMAO.

How was their first kiss? - hot and heavy, teeth and all when. like no room to breath.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - negan def, cause i feel like he's one to say fuck it ! like yolo up in here and is always more daring.

Who is the best man/men? - gabe maybe cause lbr lmao.. carol ? AHHA !

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - rosita !!!! our boo thang !

Who did the most planning? - maggie, does she get negan involved though ? yes, cause she wants it to be something they BOTH want. not just hers. also it's all new to her, so it's nice to have help.

Who stressed the most? - maggie i think cause from planning, and also negan being a pain in her ass. like MEN. I SWEAR. but also when isn't planning a wedding stressful ?

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - i have no idea !

Sex:

Who is on top? - no doubt negan is top. but lbr if anyone could handle negan in bed, it's maggie. she's just as feisty and daring. I think I imagine these two fighting over dominance.

Who is the one to instigate things? - negan def would be, especially in the beginning ? maggie would try her hardest to ignore him. but that don't work out. But the time she's like, imma give him a taste of his own medicine and instigates it when he's doing something important ? Yes.

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - a good ass while. all that sex drive !

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - of course they would. negan always wants a reason to be cocky. and maggie? i think maggie would want to remind him just on what she can do, and how she does it. and thrives to make him come apart like he makes her come apart.

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - 1 ( jack ) / and if we do the same in our ( my negan x your maggie verses ) where tilly is also maggie's --- then also 2 ( tilly and jack )

How many children will they adopt? - well, they kinda adopt each other kids in a way. LMAO ! you know. like maggie with tilly, negan with hershel. also if we wanna add ginny. that also.

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - maggie. but does she force negan to help ? fucking yes she does.

Who is the stricter parent? - maggie gotta be seeing that negan will be a kid along with their kids

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - maggie omfg. she's gonna go nuts with ALL of them. i imagine her being around when tilly is small and she's like TILLY NO ! and then with jack ( hershel ) lmao maggie gonna have a heart attack.

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - maggie does. she packs one for negan also if he doesn't cook for them.

Who is the more loved parent? - both of them. they are both amazing in their own ways.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings?- maggie. she had negan come with her once, never again.

Who cried the most at graduation? - maggie like a big baby. but lbr negan did too.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - negan cause if maggie knew she'd murder him for it. LMAO.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - i think they take turns tbh. like some days negan does it, some days maggie does. though she prefers the days negan does.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - neither one of them.

Who does the grocery shopping? - maggie. she's controlling. lmao.

How often do they bake desserts? - not as often but when maggie is in the mood.

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - maggie loves both meat and salad. negan is more towards eating meat. but he respects the salad from time to time.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - negan probably would. he can be loving, he can be romantic. and this would be one of those times where he would be.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - negan or maggie.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - distracted during sexy time ? yup.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - maggie, but damn straight she puts negan to work.

Who is really against chores? - negan cause lbr who isn't ?

Who cleans up after the pets? - negan also, cause maggie says she does more of the house cleaning ( unless it comes to cleaning farm animals- she'll do it )

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - negan :|

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - neither one of them do. they have a handle over it.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Maggie and she definitely puts it in her back pocket.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - maggie loves her baths, negan seems more into shower time- but loves taking baths with maggie. so if they are doing it together- they take a long ass time in the shower/bath -- but separate. i think maggie would take the longest.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - negan would.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - often ! maggie wants all the kids to enjoy the holidays and bring traditions to their house on things she used to do when she was little.

What are their goals for the relationship? - stick together like glue, don't go to bed angry unless hate sex is involved.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - neither of them.

Who plays the most pranks? - none. maggie isn't into that. and she'll murder negan LMAO.