#i started writing part 12 before i had even finished this and oh my gosh DRAMA!!!

[not-rab]

☀︎part 12 of my Singer/Songwriter Twitter AU☀︎

☀︎ part 11 ☀︎ part 13 ☀︎

@malakiwis and @nightskystarsandmoon 🫶

[turtlesundaes]

MARCH FOR RAPH DAYS TEN, ELEVEN AND TWELVE !!!!

Completely copied and pasted from my notes so you guys can have some cringe ramblings :>

———

SO… WE ALL REMEMBER MARCH FOR RAPH…

And I sort of got grounded…ish..

So instead of actually doing the prompts like we’d normally do- (drawing, writing, etc.) -we will rant about the topic instead because depression sucks but I still really want to do this !!! :>

I will be letting my mind wander so I will probably get off topic but I try my best.

Also some of these might become actual fanfics (???)

And it will all be posted within the same five minutes because why not.

DAY 10. Bowling with Casey

I did start drawing this one and it was gonna b a bunch of Raph and Cassandra doodles bc I had done Casey jr. for day six but generally they would be SO chaotic.

I totally see Raph having to explain what bowling even is to Cass at first (bc yk I don’t see her knowing much bc of being in the foot clan that is literally just a cult with ninja skills- I do see her knowing hockey tho from her childhood bc I don’t think she was born into the cult but just been in it from a super young age like six or something? yk what I mean??) but once she gets it she will absolutely demolish!!!

Like as in the bowling ball won’t even touch the floor because she throws it just perfectly.

When I think of Raph bowling I instantly think of him using baby rails and it TAKES ME. But I do think he would be decent at it, not the best in the family but also not the worst. (no baby rails required)

They would be super loud the whole time though, like, 100% would be kicked out b4 they finish the game so every turn matters bc they go off whatever score they had before getting kicked out.

They would yell a bunch of catchphrases and trash talk basically but Cass probably would curse very loudly out of habit and that’s like, the main reason for them getting kicked out.

Raph wouldn’t mind the getting kicked out part (cause I totally see them doing this on the regular so he’s used to it) but the cursing will be only a slight annoyance. (Just cause of how LOUD Cass would be not anything against the girl honestly he just gets embarrassed)

I see Raph using curse words but ONLY when he’s alone with Cass just cause it feels normal with her but even then it’s still a rarity.

They would totally travel from place to place after getting kicked out though, then tally the points from every place and loser hosts the next outing.

DAY 11. Favorite novel

In cannon his favorite novel is obviously Jupiter Jim or something but I’ve seen so many people saying Percy Jackson and I find that hilarious.

I never read much Percy Jackson (my brother is trying very hard to get me to and I probably will… soon enough-) I did read the first book, the sun and the star, saw some of the movie aaaaand I think like two episodes of the new series ???

But as we know the guys LOVE sci-fi so the whole gist of Percy Jackson isn’t too far off from Raph’s liking me thinks.

But personally I think Raph would ADORE the Wings of Fire series (if we’re gonna get all projecting here, as per usual /pos)

Like think about it !!! Cool mystical creatures, mystery, cool diverse magic AND THE LORE ?!?!?! Also the fact that’s theirs like sixteen books (???) not Including the many spin-offs and side stories- (I have no idea what the average number is for a large series so that’s a lot for me :^) oh! And the graphic novels!!

He would so relate to Clay and think his fireproof scales are so cool. I see so many similarities. He would match his brothers with the MC’s (Mikey with Sunny, Donnie with Starflight, Leo with Tsunami) ((I am so not saying this bc I’ve done it myself-)) GOSH HE WOULD TOTALLY MAKE FAN FICTION AND HAVE LITTLE NOTEBOOKS DEDICATED TO HIS HEADCANNONS AAAAAAAAAAHHH !!!1!!1!1!!!111!

In conclusion he would be a huge geek about it all (he would rope Mikey in bc YALL-) and Mikey would make them cool cardboard wings. The end :]

DAY 12. Stir Crazy

I realllllllllyyyyyyy wanted to draw this one with Mikey and Raph in the kitchen but alas.. 😔

But yes Raph can coooook!!! 🔥🔥🔥

Not actually though. What I see in my very good vision is Raph helping Mikey out in the kitchen. Specifically, stirring.

I’d think that after the invasion Raphs motor skills in general would need improvement. This is not based on anything actually scientific I just have a ✨feeling✨ that after his whole kraang-ified ordeal he would have trouble with knowing he was in control (as most have headcannoned yes, but I like to think of mine as slightly different :p) his arm and eye and insert other places he was kraang-ified that I don’t remember here, would be significantly impacted from this worse than his not kraang infected side.

Like he would have a lazy eye, his arm would twitch/spasm and/or that whole side of his body would get pins and needles or just go numb at times.

But even then it would take a long and I mean LONG time for him to even get to that point. Before that it’s going to be even worse, like, being temporarily paralyzed and/or he would have to learn how to move that side of his body all over again.

This gives us Leo and Raph learning to move again bonding, your welcome.

But I’m not that evil to actually make him forever paralyzed, even if it was just the arm. (I’m too much of a wuss 😔)

The other side of his body would also take time to move again but that’s like a few hours compared to the months of work Raphs gonna have to put into his other side.

I don’t care that he bounces back immediately in the movie that is going to be labeled adrenaline. Also that one scene where Mikey and Donnie get thrown and Leo’s all like “go for them!! 🥺” and Raph falls on his side for a second and his arm is limp before running to them.

That split second scene is basically the whole reason why this headcannon exists.

BUT BACK TO THE PROMPT !!! :D

During healing Raph would do motor skill practice with Mikey aka baking cause Raph loves to lick the batter of the spoon when their done and stirring helps his arm. He would also flip pancakes maybe but I don’t see him doing anything like measurements cause it’s Mikey’s whole thing to cook but he helps keep the place clean :]

———

Anywizle, my apologies for missing a few days and coming back with a messy rant- but it was fun so who cares!

So buh-bye! Have a good night and/or day! It may be possibly impossible but possibly I will see you tomorrow!

:>

[hairstevington]

20 Questions for Writers!

I was tagged by @marvel-ous-m thank you so much my dear ily <3 <3 <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I currently have 32 works...Yowza!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

Hahahaha ok ok ok I'm scared to look but I will. I have 696,369 words on Ao3. That is...so many. And there are way more unpublished!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

So far, I have only written for Stranger Things, other than my one teaser chapter for a Buffy x Stranger Things crossover I really do hope to return to one day.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

songs that voices never share (aka deaf!Steve part 1)

Stranger Therapy (which has recently made a resurgance - and a sort of part 2 is on the way!)

i wanna cut to the feeling

i can't tune you out

Freaky Friday (Steddie's Version) - honestly this one is still my baby

5. Do you respond to comments?

Always always always!! Even if people just write a heart or something, I write back. When I get a notification that someone commented, it literally makes my day and I re-read them often as a pick-me-up.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Honestly I don't write angsty endings!! I much prefer the happy ones. Closest I've got to angsty I guess is I'm counting the days to the rapture, depending on whose ending you focus on lol

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh GOSH. Almost all of them end on a sugary sweet note, but I'll link flowers and ink because that whole thing is just fluff fluff fluffy fluff

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really? And I'm super grateful for that because on the few times I've gotten semi rude feedback, it has totally plagued my brain hahaha. I'm thankful that so far nothing too bad. (Please nobody change that!)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I mean, I have, but I don't have anything 18+ on this account very intentionally.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I would, but I haven't really gotten it to stick! One chapter of my Buffy crossover is out, and I have a TLOU crossover idea in my drafts, and there's of course my nearly completed WIP Eddie Munson vs the World, but that's more of an inspired by and less of a crossover. By the way, everyone read that one because it's the most ridiculous thing I've ever written.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I sure hope not! But it's possible, I suppose.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but AHHH that would be very cool.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes!! I co-wrote a Carrie AU with another fandom friend where Eddie was Carrie and Steve/Chrissy care for him and save him after the prom fiasco. It's on my friend's account, because it's got violence and other explicit content, but it really launched me into taking more risks in my writing!

I also started collabing with my bestie @steviesbicrisis on another fic, but then both of us got super busy. Sorry about that!

Me and @withacapitalp also came up with a banger idea for a collab last night so...we shall see!

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

Oh gosh, all time???? Oh, man. Steddie makes me feral to write, obviously, but to shake things up I'll add Spuffy and Literati (Rory and Jess from Gilmore Girls) into the mix.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

This is so tough because I have thing this where, if I publish a chapter, I HAVE to finish it. But!! There are many things in my WIP folder I don't think I will ever get to, including my Buffy crossover and the one where Dustin and Erica has a time-traveling daughter.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Just like my friend who tagged me, i think characterization and dialogue are my strong suits. It's what I get positive feedback on the most. I also think I'm funny though! At least, in the fics that are more silly lol.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Probablyyyy ummm descriptions? Yeah, that. I've gotten A LOT better about it, but I usually end up writing a lot of dialogue with minimal action because it's easier for me lol

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Okay, so I've done it, and it's TOUGH. It was for deaf Steve (tagged above, it's my most popular fic). ASL was especially challenging because it can't really be written down, so I had to get creative.

In one fic, any time a character spoke Russian, I just italicized it and made a note at the beginning that mean it wasn't in English canonically. I am not fluent in Russian, so I didn't want to risk relying on Google Translate! Plus, I'd have to write the English part anyway for readers.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I think. Technically. It was...ha ha, nope. I don't even wanna say it.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

This is so hard, they are all my babies and I put so much care into them! I'm gonna give a shoutout to Back to the Future (Hawkins Edition), as I always do. Now that it's been done over a year I can see the flaws in it and what I would have done different, but the amount of planning and thought and research I put in that thing deserves recognition lol. I think my current long project, we can be heroes (aka part 2 of deaf steve!), could take over as the biggest undertaking, though. But so far it's probably about equal lol.

The besties I have tagged above are welcome to do this. I also wanna nominate @tartarusknight and @imfinereallyybut no pressure!

[panevanbuckley]

tagged by @magdacimy thank you so much dear!! 💙

-20 questions for fic writers-

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 292 (jesus)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 649,327 (it's not as much as you might expect from the amount of fics bc i specialise in short fics)

3. What fandoms do you write for? atm? 9-1-1 is the fandom i have most fics for i think but i haven't written one in about a year. (i should get back on that!). i also sometimes do harry potter fics (usually jegulus), and i just started dipping my toe in f1 fics 👀

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. baby, come home [buddie] - 9033 (which is WILD to me)

2. don't tell my husband (he'll kill me) [buddie] - 8117

3. don't blame me, love made me crazy [jegulus] - 7691 (recently lost it's number 2 spot which makes me sad ngl)

4. come home to my heart [buddie] - 7491

5. fake boyfriends (with real kisses) [buddie] - 6790

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? i used to all the time!! but in the past couple years it started getting overwhelming and now i rarely do but i DO read every single one and they make me smile every time 🥺

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? oh gosh i rarely write angst but the first one that came to mind was a 1917 fic ('loving you is a losing game'), that was pretty angsty

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? umm...literally any fic i write?? happy beginning, happy middle, happy ending. that's my brand of fic writing

8. Do you get hate on fics? not that i know of (and i'm ever grateful for that! i have the BEST readers)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? not really. i dabbled here and there in the past but i'm just not very good at it 😭

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? again not really. i did do a world war z x justified fic ('don't count your chickens before they hatch') because i'm total loosier trash so it was like an alternate universe of them in a way because of the same two actors 💀

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not that i'm aware of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? i think i have? actually idk people have asked if they can translate fics and i said yes but i haven't got links available to me. somebody once did a podfic ('in the silence we fall apart') translation though and i loved that!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? i once wrote a part for a 5+1 buddie fic but i don't think the full thing ever got posted?

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship? 100% gotta be buddie hasn't it? they consumed my entire soul. i have sooo many otps though

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? there was a hogwarts au 'the pacific' fic i started writing in lockdown that must be over 10k that i never finished... i think about that a lot

16. What are your writing strengths? umm.. nothing?? no but in all fairness i have no idea but people have always told me my characterization is good. or my ability to make up OCs (which i do A LOT)

17. What are your writing weaknesses? god, speech? writing anything longer than 5k 😭

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? i LOVE it! i've had to do it quite a lot because usually the characters i write are multilingual

19. First fandom you wrote for? the maze runner!! goddd back in my wattpad days i wrote SO many newtmas/dylmas fics it was unreal. they really got me into fic writing

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? funnily enough it's not any of my buddie fics. even though i love those fics dearly and they're definitely favourites. but the one that owns my heart is 'don't blame me, love made me crazy'. it was the first jegulus fic i wrote, i had only gotten into the ship a few days prior and sat down to do a short fic but in a couple hours i had over 5k written and wasn't even halfway through 💀 this was back in the days when jegulus was still a rare pair too! and the love i got on it blew me away 🥺 so a huge thank you to anybody that read that fic!!

tagging literally anybody that sees this and wants to do it because i'm not sure who writes and posts on ao3! please tag me in your posts so i can check out your work too 👀

[warpedlegacy]

Fanfic Writer Questions

Tagged by @dreadfutures! Tagging @effelants and @kiastirling-fanfic.

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 47

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 739,512

3. What fandoms do you write for? Resident Evil/Biohazard, Dragon Age, Mass Effect

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Recovery, a post-RE2 Remake Leon/Claire smut (340) The Rise, part 1 of my DAI-timeline series that starts with the prologue and ends with the arrival at Skyhold (140) Bracing, a 350-word drabble for Dorian/Bull (71) A Terrible Bore (350-word Cullen/Theresa drabble) and An Evening In (one-shot Cullen/Theresa fluff) are tied for fourth (64) Fiercely Perish, which is essentially Die Hard in Thedas, with Bull as John McClain (56)

5. Do you respond to comments? Yes! I try to respond to everyone and try not to be overwhelming in my gratitude lol. I so rarely get comments that each one feels like Christmas Morning to me and I want to cherish it forever.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? The Black City - the second part of my post-Trespasser Cullen/Theresa series, which ends with their relationship in tatters and them coming to the conclusion that the only way they can heal from their grief is apart. One of the hardest things I've ever written. T_T

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Swept Away - my super indulgent Josephine/Isabela adventure romance. I wrote it as a combination of Pirates of the Caribbean meets Jane Austen. I adore them!

8. Do you get hate on fics? No, never! I've been very lucky.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yup! I've written one-shots as well as scenes incorporated into longer stories. It's almost never PWP though - I have tried and literally can't. For some reason it always ends up at least partly a character study lmao. And because it's me, there's also usually some angst worming its way in there. I am hopeless. ^_^;

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? Nope. The closest I've ever come was D&DA Effect, which was me just taking the idea of "what if the plot of DA was actually just the crew of the Normandy playing D&D?" and cranking out a short dialogue-only scene. It reads like a transcript lol. It was definitely fun, but overall I don't have much interest in crossovers.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? I've had a couple people ask if they can translate one or two of my fics, and I've always granted permission. If they ever completed the translations, I was never tagged in them.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? A couple times, yes. I've participated in a couple round robins with my fellow server members, and did a pinch hit on an exchange event with another writer.

14. What's your all time favorite ship? Oh gosh I have so many.... My favorite to write for is definitely Cullen/Theresa, Theresa being my OC Trevelyan Inquisitor.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Look. I really, REALLY wanna finish my Reprises & Reprisals series. I promise!!! I'm about to pick it back up in fact. But my worry is that once the fourth game comes out I may lose interest in writing for Inquisition for a while. And who knows when it'll come back. So I'm hoping to at least finish MOST of book two, which will at least get me to the end of the base game and the big revelation I've been sitting on for literal YEARS.

16. What are your writing strengths? Character and dialogue, and I've also been told that I write action well

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Repetition. Descriptive prose and scene blocking. Every time I have to describe what a character is physically doing in a scene, I immediately forget how to exist in a body or how to move one lol.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? If you are fluent enough to write in that language, write it out. Or if not, at least run it by someone who is. The more often languages other than English are included in stories shown to a primarily English-speaking readership, the less "other" it will become. Otherwise, it's best just to write it in English (WITHOUT writing the accent) and describe what language it's being spoken in. Conlangs and ciphers are definitely trickier, and I try my best not to lean too heavily on them, just because I don't feel I'm well enough versed in linguistics to really parse the nuances of such use without accidentally falling into unfortunate implications or stereotypes.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Mass Effect

20. Favorite fic you've written? As much as I love my Cullen/Theresa stories, I have a deep fondness and love for Swept Away. I poured a lot of time and effort into its writing, and it remains, in my opinion, one of my best-paced, best-written, and most engaging stories.

Blank form under the cut

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

3. What fandoms do you write for?

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5. Do you respond to comments?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

16. What are your writing strengths?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

20. Favorite fic you've written?

[lunarubra]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thank you for the tag, Laur! @emotionalcadaver

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Zero for now... I don't think there is a place on AO3 for RPF and I don't count my attempt at HP ff. Nope.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

Zero.... yup, quite lame

3. What fandoms do you write for?

So I fell down the rabbit hole of Cillian Murphy's characters... but I also wrote some HP fanfiction and some Spidey ones, even though I never posted them.

4. Top 5 fics by kudos

nah

5. Do you respond to comments?

Yup, for now, I always respond. I love any kind of interaction, but comments make me too happy not to respond :)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Well... Mourning Tide, that was pretty angsty

7. What’s a fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

The one that I am writing now :) coming soon

8. Do you get hate on fics?

nope, that's the nice thing about being a small and almost nonexistent writer.

9. Do you write smut?

i did once, let's see for the next one how it will go

10. Craziest crossover?

well... I may have put my favourite boxing athletes, Ramla Ali, in A Quiet Place Part II, maybe...

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think no one will want to stole my fics xD

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nah

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have not but I would be interested to try :) I get inspired so much by other fanfic writers

14. All time favorite ship?

Oh gosh, nope. I read too many, from to many fandom to only limit myself to one. So not gonna answer

15. What’s a fic you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My fic that I started about A Quiet Place Part II, not sure if I am ever gonna post it

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogues? maybe?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Smut, absolutely. Too many arms and legs to keep track of.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I love multilingual dialogue, I feel I have a superpower when I can read in multiple languages. I just love when more than one culture interact.

19. First fandom you wrote in?

Harry Potter. Even if I am never gonna publish something again in that hellhole of a fandom.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Well since I published just one, that's an easy one. I will go for Shadow of the Sea :)

No pressure tags: @cillmequick, @justrainandcoffee, @moral-terpitude, @evita-shelby, @peakyswritings

[icebluecyanide]

Another one from me: 3, 11, 12 and 29 please

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

I think I'll go for Forged in Fire, which didn't have too much going on plotwise, but I loved putting in all the parallels to Eagle Strike and backstory details. And Alex getting a chance to save Yassen's life, of course.

11. What work took you the longest to write?

Definitely A Well-Earned Respite, since it was actually the first ever Alex Rider fic I started writing, a good 8 months before finally finishing it in time for FebuWhump.

In terms of actual hours spent on a fic, perhaps A Binding Promise, since it certainly feels like that one took forever haha.

12. How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

Oh gosh, so many. Without giving any details, I've got about twenty ideas that I started writing. I need to create a new list so I even remember half of them, whoops.

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

From A Well-Earned Respite, I really liked these opening lines, which I think establish the scene really well:

The boy on the floor of the cell had turned fifteen two hours ago, but this meant little to any of the people in the room. The hour of midnight had come and gone, with only a new entry in Dr Three’s meticulous notes to reflect it.

Alex, newly fifteen and half out of his mind from pain and fear and sleep deprivation, was likely not even aware of what day it was. The conditions in the cells had been deliberately designed to cause subjects to lose all sense of time. And even if he had been aware, it would have made little difference to him at that moment. The fact that it was his birthday would earn him no reprieve.

But my favourite part is probably the final scene from even if it hurts, especially these lines:

Yassen closes his eyes and suppresses a shiver at the cool skin pressed against him. It feels wrong on a deep, instinctual level, for Alex to be this cold. It reminds Yassen too much of death. It’s only the feeling of Alex’s heart beating in his chest where it’s pressed against Yassen’s that reassures him. The heartbeat is slow and a little irregular, but undeniably there. 

At his neck, Alex breathes a quiet sigh of relief at the warmth, and it tickles his skin. This is a uniquely intimate position for them to be in, likely for Alex as well. Yassen has never been this close to a person before, not even with Hunter. 

He’s vividly aware of Alex pressed against him, the way he squirms sometimes like he’s trying to get even closer. Like he wants to burrow under Yassen’s skin and find his way to his heart. 

[en-hale-archives]

Me with You ~~

pairing ⑅ bestfriend!Jake x fem!reader

genre ⑅ friends to lovers, fluff, slow dancing, suggestive/smut

words/read time ⑅ 3.9k/12-19 mins

warnings ⑅ 18+ content, light cussing

synopsis ⑅ Jake is back in his hometown to spend time with his closest friend. During some fun and frivolous dancing, things start to heat up...

author's note ⑅ I’m really proud of how this story turned out. I'm not a huge fan of second person, so I wrote in first, but if anyone asks, I can copy and post again in second person. It's more fluff than anything, but it does get a bit steamier towards the end, so I’m just going to go ahead and put a warning.

————✧————

When the back door finally slammed shut and the cacophony of barks faded down the street, I could finally let out my sigh of relief that I had been holding in since this morning. I tapped on my phone. How many days had we been watching Mrs. Chen’s pets? And just how was I able to put up with hours of barking, the smell of fresh turd lying across the lawn, and dog walks till dark? Including their rigorous feeding times and bathroom breaks -- I’m surprised I haven’t exploded yet.

I had so much planned the minute they left my house, but instead, the sudden silence felt all too relaxing and I laid my head against the cold countertop. I could finally stop stressing, stop thinking, and stop worrying about reprimanding for chewing on my shoes or peeing in the house or the continued barking that never ended. I was free. I felt like I could’ve stayed laid on the countertop forever, drowning in the evening sun. Who knew watching five dogs would take such a burden out of a person. Jake and I had taken on the job of dog sitting for Mrs. Chen while she visited some family in Tokyo. We both switched off every other day; some of the dogs at my house and the others at his; until we realized it would be easier if he just spent the few days at my house as we co-doggy sat. He got up bright and early to take them on their walks while I prepared their highly detailed and specific meals. Then from there, we spent the rest of the day making sure they didn’t run off somewhere or cause too much destruction in the house. But alas, Mrs. Chen came back early from her getaway and picked up Toby, Caleb, Khao, Sofia, and Pickle on her way home. Although I was exhausted from watching 3-foot dogs all day, the pay was amazing for me, and it would help tremendously for all the online classes I was going to be taking next semester.

The warmth of the sun cast a comforting trance over my heavy eyelids, and soon enough I was fast asleep, standing in the middle of the kitchen with the soft sound of nothing surrounding me.

By the time I had fluttered my eyes open, I had realized I was now seated in my dining chair and a large black jacket was placed over my shoulders. I sat up and let out a yawn, wincing at the bright light coming from the tv and shaking my now numb arm awake. I must have been sleeping for a while because the evening sun had turned to pitch of black. The moonlight beamed through the window and danced along with the sways of the large oak tree out front. I stood up and walked over to the refrigerator in which I grabbed two water bottles and some leftover pasta.

I was sure that Jake hadn’t eaten since lunch, seeing as he only ate if someone sat food in front of his face. I dragged my feet up the stairs until I heard the slamming of a book and the fast typing of a keyboard come from the living room. I turned and looked behind me. Jake had settled his things on the coffee table and floor, large books, folders, and several amounts of crumpled up pieces of paper found their way around Jake, himself slouched up against the edge of the couch. He had changed clothes since the last time I had seen him, he now wore a plain blue shirt with grey sweats, his eyebrows furrowed as he worked hard on whatever he was getting at.

“Oh yes, I was starving!” Propping himself up on the couch, he took the plate of pasta. I placed the waters on the coffee table and settled comfortably on the couch beside him.

“I can’t say that I’ve ever seen anybody sleep standing up before. Look,” Jake took his phone off the charger. “I got a picture.” He pushed the screen in my face, and of course, there was my unconscious body laying on the counter, mouth open and all. I playfully pushed it back his way as his face lit up with a smile I was all too familiar with.

“What are you doing down here so late, it’s almost 12 in the morning,” I asked. Jake’s smile disappeared when he was reminded of the work he had been doing seconds before.

He let out a large huff of air. “Trying to get some words on paper but instead it turned into a paper massacre,” he jokingly replied, “sorry for the mess.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I replied, taking a swig of water. I was going to ask if he wanted to watch a late-night movie, or pull an all-nighter and talk endlessly until the sun rose, but I could tell by each passing second that Jake was worried about this, and he wanted the time he had now over the summer to work on his music. I wished I was motivated to work on my own music, but unlike Jake, I wasn’t in a globally popular boy band. My complicated best friend for over 10 years had been working his butt off since middle school. It was his annual time to sit back and relax while he had the time to, but instead, he chose to use that time to help watch a bunch of dogs with his hometown bestie. God, I loved him.

Jake pulled himself off the couch and right back onto the floor, leaving the rest of the pasta to me. He picked up his pen again and started scribbling down words as quickly as he could, trying hard not to forget the lyrics that had floated into his head. Until he stopped, closing his eyes for just a split second, and let out a powerful sigh. Crumpling up the sheet, he stacks it on top of the others in frustration and started frantically tapping his pencil against the table.

“Maybe it’s best to just try again in the morning,” I advised, taking a small bite of the pasta that was left by my side.

“How come I’m having such a hard time with this?” He gazed up at me frantically for a clue, as if I had the answer to fix a problem as big and as important as his was. I looked at his doleful eyes and the bags that were starting to grow underneath them. I couldn’t help but think, because I made you sit up and watch a bunch of dogs with me.

“Do you want me to see if I could come up with something?”

“If you want. But, hold on, I think my thoughts are coming back up.” He quickly grabbed another piece of paper, his eyes narrowed in concentration.

I tried my best to keep occupied by watching videos on my phone, but I found myself suddenly bored out of my mind. I laid out on my back and picked up one of Jake’s folders. Briefly looking through it, I couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous at the amount of fan art and letters, praising him and the other members. Followed with that were just more and more engene stuff, full of nothing but kind words and heartfelt messages. Part of me wished that I was able to travel with Jake and see the world like he was. How fun would it be to meet people that praised you? And how cool would it be to see that you had fans? I couldn’t help but plaster on a huge smile as I skimmed through some of the notes until I finally came to one with familiar handwriting.

Remember Me were the words written on the top of the paper in bold and bright colors. But the message written underneath is what caught my attention:

To the person that makes me the luckiest guy in the world, this song is for you. It’s okay if you don’t feel the same, but please just remember me -- it was Jake’s handwriting.

I didn’t feel like I was breaking any crime reading his stuff until this moment, but curiosity killed the cat, and right now I didn’t mind being a feline. I checked to make sure Jake was still busy, and he was, almost like he had teleported into his own world. I quietly turned back to the sheet and started reading. It was about a girl, presumably his crush I’m sure. She was someone important to him, someone who made him love so much that it hurt. But this was far from a happy song, in fact, it was terribly heartbreaking. She didn’t understand his love, she wasn’t able to interpret it like he wanted her to. But he confesses that he was scared of what telling her would do, worried that she wouldn’t feel the same. So instead, it was like he was apologizing, and asking that she forgive him for not being brave enough to tell her, and if he did ever get the courage to, for her to remember him even if she wasn’t able to love him like he wanted her to.

The song ends like how the title began, and I find myself flabbergasted at the beautiful mixes of rhymes and metaphors that read like a poem. This was the first of Jake’s songs that made me feel this way, like I had just finished watching a tragedy movie with Ryan Renolds starring. I blink back the tears that I didn’t realize were forming. How come he never told me this? We never kept secrets from each other, like ever. It never mattered the subject or the severity, we had always promised that we would be open and honest with each other. I wish I would’ve known this sooner, maybe I could’ve saved him from feeling this way. And what girl could it possibly be? I knew for sure I was the only girl he was presumably close to; but was there someone else?

I glanced down at Jake, who was still in a focused state of mind with the pencil in his mouth and mumbling lyrics softly under his breath. I tried picturing my bubbly Jake writing these agonizing words and miserably failed.

Jake looked up at me as if he could feel my gaze on the back of his head. “I think I’ve found the chorus, but it’s the rest of the song I’m not able to get, and how come it’s so hard to find another word that rhymes with severe? Beer? Sphere? Revere? Appear? Gosh, rhyming sucks some serious ass!”

“This song is beautiful.”

Jake furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Huh?”

“This song I found in your folder.” I glanced back at it in my hand. “Remember Me.”

Jake’s gaze leaped from my eyes to the sheet, and I felt his body tense. “Where’d you get that from?”

“I was just going through one of your folders. Did you accidentally get it mixed up in your fan folder? Cause this is -”

“Did you read it?” He interrupted.

“Yeah, and it’s perfect.”

Jake glanced at me for a split second before turning back around, obviously uncomfortable. “I was watching one of those Kdramas you love so much and it inspired me. Could you help me rhyme with severe now?”

I knew Jake like the back of my hand, so I knew continuing on with this conversation would get him upset if he’s clearly avoiding it. But, I wasn’t going to just let him off that quickly. “Jake, come on, you can tell me anything. Who is this about?”

Jake looked back at me with a hint of something in his eyes, something I’ve never seen before, and something I wasn't able to decipher. “Nobody, I was just feeling really inspired, that's it.” His tone had switched from calm to agitated.

I give him my I’m-not-stupid look and he comes back with his own you’re-being-delusional stare. “It’s seriously nobody, truthfully and honestly.”

“Okay, okay I’ll back off.” I could tell he was starting to get defensive, and when he got like that, it took him at least a few hours before returning to normal. I watched Jake's Adam's apple move up and down, a way in which I could tell he knew I was not convinced in the slightest. “Well, sometimes we go through things that can remind us of situations like that, but not necessarily in that same exact context, you know? It has to be amplified for that audience appeal.”

“Okay...but have you ever felt this way before? Not exactly like how it’s written, but maybe somewhere along these lines?”

I thought I was going to get another vague answer, or worse, an aggravated one. But instead Jake looked down at his pencil as he tapped it along his wrist. “...maybe, but I think everyone can connect to the words in some way. I mean, everyone feels some kind of heartbreak in their life, right?” Jake's answer was still pretty vague, but at least I was able to get something out of him.

“Okay, but you know you can tell me anything, like, anything ever because you know that you’ll never actually have to feel this way, right?” I said, maybe too much in a hurry.

“Of course I know that.” He replied, giving one of his awkward grins.

“And if anyone has made you feel this way, then you know you can tell me that too cause there a sucker to lose out on a perfect person like you.” I teased in a sing-song way, poking his shoulder hard. Jake chuckled and poked me back.

A weird silence grew in the room, and Jake went back to trying to find rhyming words. I tried getting back on my phone, but I knew I needed to say something to let go of the tenseness in the air.

“Hey, crystal clear rhymes!”

He leaned his head back and looked up at me. “Nevermind, I give up for tonight.”

I could see the stress that played on his face. “Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah, but by the time I do, it’ll be too late.”

“What do you mean?”

Jake pulled his knees up to his chest and spoke. “This was going to go on our album comeback that needs to be finished in the next four months. By the time I think of something, it'll be too late and I’ll have to wait until the next four months. But by then, I'll have forgotten. This always happens and I have no idea how the hell to fix it.” I couldn’t tell if he wanted my help or just a bit of comfort.

“Did you try asking the other guys to see if they had any ideas?”

“Yeah, but they’re working on their own parts, I can’t ask them to do this too.”

“I’m sure they’d be willing to help if you asked,” I assured him.

“I know they would, but I just don’t want to. I always ask them for help, I thought being away from the studio and being back home would help my brainstorming abilities.” He gave a weary chuckle that almost sounded like a groan.

“Well, maybe tomorrow will come with better results.” I did my best to give him some motivation, but I could tell I was failing miserably at that too.

Jake watched as a car zoomed past the window, a low bass sounding off as it zoomed away. “I bet it’s easier to just listen to music than to try and come up with it. I remember when I would just blare NCT all day long and jam out in my room. It seemed so much easier back then to come up with stuff than it does now. I miss it.” He took a slight pause before continuing. “ Did you know that song you read was the easiest thing I have written in my life? I remember writing too. I just had this super weird feeling in my chest one day so I basically locked myself in my room and took maybe two hours and just wrote a bunch of words down and connected them to sound like a song. For once my mind had just gone blank and I couldn’t stop thinking and feeling that song, like I knew what it was supposed to sound like, I knew what the lyrics were supposed to mean. I just knew everything. And I miss that feeling, that feeling of like- '' He broke off his sentence when he looked back up to my eyes. It seemed like he was talking more to himself than to me. He swallowed hard and looked back at the pencil still in hand.

“Well, I'm sorry you don’t feel free anymore. I wish there was something I could do to make you feel like that again-”

“No, please don’t feel like that. It’s just something that had just recently started happening, something I really just can’t fix…” His voice gets softer and softer the more he spoke.

“Have you spoken to your manager about it?” I asked. “He’s super nice from what I understand. And he’ll probably have better answers than your friend who can barely play the piano, let alone produce an entire song.”

Jake laughed before I had the chance to. “ See, now you're underestimating yourself. Remember that song from freshman year? The one about-- what was his name, Josh?” Jake teased. I grabbed a pillow and slammed it into the back of his head. “Oh my gosh, I thought we promised we’d never bring it up again!”

Jake chuckled and laid his arm on the couch completely turning towards me. “How about we sneak out and go get ice cream and try to not wake up your mom in the process?”

I suddenly jumped to my feet when I have the perfect idea on how to cheer up the gloomy Mr. Shim. “Or, we could do something even better!”

“Urgh!” Jake groaned.

I grabbed my phone and hooked it up to the speaker. I was going to turn on his hit song Drunk-Dazed as a joke, but Jake needed this break from his career, so instead, I crunk up Beyonce as loud as it could go without disturbing my mom who slept upstairs. I turn back to Jake and reach out for his hands, already moving my hips to the music.

He shook his head and threw it back onto the couch as if throwing a temper tantrum. “I literally dance for a living.”

“Okay but this will be different, I promise.” I grabbed the piles of papers on the ground and threw them in the trash, I then pushed the coffee table near the wall and piled his folders and books neatly on top.

“Come on, cowboy!” I grabbed his hands and helped him up. He was reluctant to get up, but he threw one last groan before standing on his feet.

“This will get the brain juices flowing again!” I told him. I go back to my phone and switch it to one of my favorite Beyonce songs that she covered, At Last.

I sang dramatically to get Jake to smile, and luckily, it worked. I placed both my hands over his shoulders and swayed us back and forth, still miming the song as overly exaggerated as I could. Jake still couldn’t help but smile, and it didn’t take him long to join me in the rhythm and sway naturally with me. I learned at our middle school dance that Jake had perfect rhythm. He was able to impress the rest of the crowd when he busted out moves from BTS. Everyone was impressed, including me.

Now we were on a steady roll. I accidentally stepped on his feet a few times, but it was fine seeing as I was wearing foam flip-flops and he was barefooted. After a while, the song switched and played another of my favorites that didn’t match our style of dance, but we still moved slowly to the beat. Jake tried twirling me, but since I have two left feet, I almost ended up hitting the wall each time and Jake laughed loud at my clumsiness. The moonlight from the kitchen had now switched to the window in the living room. It gleamed through and glistened on Jake like a spotlight, just like the ones on the stage did for him. In a split second, I was reminded that he wouldn’t be here forever, just like he wasn’t here for the past year. I tried to not let it settle on my face that I was scared to see him go again, so I played up on the fun we were having now. Jake looked like he was at ease; finally, since he’d been here, he looked genuinely happy and I wasn’t going to ruin that.

After another handful of songs full of laughs and giggles, we were soon sweating and taking deeper breaths than normal. Each song was different from the one before, but it didn’t stop us from sticking to our style of dance. Even with the simplicity of the moves and the slowness of the steps, I had to take a minute to relax. I hooked my arms around his neck and rested my entire body on his. I could feel Jake’s own sweat seeping through his shirt, But I didn’t mind the wetness that was now attached to my cheek. I thought he would act awkward and ask for me to pull away, but instead, he gripped tighter on my hips and started slowly moving me side to side. I let out a long overdue sigh, trying my best to match the steady breathing of Jake’s with my own. It was actually therapeutic: hearing his heartbeat in one ear and the softness of the music in the other.

I tried to continue our steady breathing together, but his had picked up a bit, almost out of nowhere. I felt the heat of his breath on the nape of my neck, and it made my entire body tingle in a way it never had before. After this sudden feeling, I realized just how close we really were. His leg hair tickled my legs, I could feel the bone of his foot connecting to mine, I could feel his thin waist against mine as well. I felt like I needed to back up, but instead, I couldn’t and continued to sway softly against him. A few seconds later, Jake’s hands rose a little higher, planting themselves on my waist and tightening their grip as if they were trying to pull me closer than we already were.

The sensation hadn’t stopped though, it clung to my body like my damp shorts did on my thighs. Sooner or later I felt pressure on the lower part of my stomach and thought for sure that Jake was messing around and wasn’t feeling what I was, which indicated that I needed to pull back before this feeling became too much.

This is so embarrassing. I thought. How could I let myself feel like this? How was this in any way okay? I finally pulled back, the sensation becoming too unbearable, and glanced up at his face. His pupils were large in a way I hadn’t seen before. His mouth was slightly open and a drop of sweat slowly traced down his forehead, onto his nose. That pressure I was feeling on my stomach had now doubled in force, and Jake's face had switched from calm and subtle, to alarmed and panicked...

————✧————

(part 2 possibly...?)

Thank you guys so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it! Please, leave any constructive criticism you have on helping improve my writing!

————✧————

None of the images are mine, They all belong to their rightful owners :)

[timextoxhajima]

hi dana.. if it’s possible can i request some angsty wangsty based on niki la la lost you with eric🥺 and ughh i really love your writing like crazyyyyy

♥ title: la la lost you in april [also part of @sunlightwoo ‘s 12 Months I Loved You collaboration project]

♥ member: tbz eric

♥ genre: f2l, ex! eric x fem! reader, model! eric [SFW!]

♥ warnings: swearing, some mentions of sex [like, once i think]

♥ wc: 3.4k

♥ a/n: sis when i first heard the song I absolutely loved how you used 'angsty wangsty' so I hope this one does it for you the way you imagined it <3 [fyi i wrote it in like, a camcorder recording audio format which is something i’m trying out so please hmu on whether it’s difficult to read/understand!]

[REC: APRIL 2, 2019 - 6:39PM] SOLO LOG #1

Are you seeing this? This is the most beautiful sunset I’ve seen. I gotta get a shot of this-

Hey! Hey! I could help you take a picture with the sunset if you want to!

Oh! Would- Would you? That’d be great!

Of course! 

...

Here. Is it alright?

Yeah, yeah, it’s cool! Thank you so much!

Are you recording something? Is it a- Are you vlogging? Are you a vlogger?

Yeah, no... I’m actually on a solo trip for a bit.

Oh, where are you from?

Just the next state. 

Ah! You’re taking a break off... life then? I assume? Sorry if that came out weird.

No! No no! It’s alright! Yeah, I just needed a short break from... y’know, school and everything. My semester ended pretty early on so I took the chance to come out here and... see some new sights, meet some new people.

I get that. Well, for a start, what’s your name?

Oh, I’m y/n. Nice to meet you! And you?

I’m Eric. 

[REC: APRIL 4, 2019 - 10:34PM] SOLO LOG #2

It is the 4th of April, 2019. I know, I know, I’m meant to do a daily vlog for all the 50 days I’m here but... it’s been... wow. Um... so I met Eric, the first day I touched down. The beach is just, about a 10 minute walk down and the sunsets are absolutely gorgeous. But uh... call me a fool and say that I’m living in the clouds but- what are the chances?

He’s funny, he’s such a great person to be around with y’know? Never a moment of like, awkwardness or stress and my God, look at me talking about a boy like that, though I met him 2 days ago. 

...

Um, he’s a freelance model. For those freelance shoots by UNIQLO or Target or something and he complains about the pay sometimes, but he looks good infront of a camera, so he’s... actually the one who won at life, really.

I’m not seeing him soon because he’s got a shoot out of town and he’ll be back next week. But I did get his number and he’s been texting me since. 

...

Wouldn’t it be funny if we end up together and then I have this whackass of a reel to show him? Jesus... I need to stop getting ahead of myself here. Freakin’ living in the clouds, aren’t I?

...

Anyway, I’m gonna go and see if I can get my weird projector shit up and working. See you.

[REC: APRIL 7, 2019 - 5:14AM] SOLO LOG #3

It is... 5am... uh, April 7th- and I was just binging FRIENDS through the night, waiting for the sunrise before I get some shut eye and then... Eric just asked me out. Oh my God! Um, he’s coming back this Thursday and I’ll go see him at the airport before we go get dinner.

It was really funny ‘cause he had to wake up early for a shoot today and so his day has just begun but mine’s coming to an end and I just- I’m rambling so much, it’s kinda- it’s kinda sad, isn’t it?

I think I’m too happy to sleep right now so I’m just gonna text him some more before the sun rises- oh! He replied!

...

Anyway, I’m gonna go and finish up this last episode before sleeping. Hopeful I can sleep. Bye!

[REC: APRIL 11, 2019 - 4:28PM] SOLO LOG #4

I am on my way out right now to go meet Eric at the airport, and I’m... it’d be an understatement to say that I’m excited. I know I’ve only known him for like, 2 days before he left but... I miss him. Is that possible? Missing someone despite knowing them for 2 days?

Anyway, I gotta go. Don’t wanna be late to see him.

[REC: APRIL 13, 2019 - 10:23AM] SOLO LOG #5

Oh! Is that what you had-

Yeah! It’s the same camera!

What are you vlogging for, actually? Like-

Nothing, really. It’s just for my own usage-

Wait, you didn’t like set that up last night while we-

Oh, God, no! Who do you think I am?

I don’t know, I mean, we’ve known each other for... is it two weeks-

Just under two weeks-

Jeez-

I know, I know, oh my God.

...

I don’t regret it though. Yeah, like- I don’t really go down to the beach that often in the first place and it just- it just so happened that you were there that day and I saw you struggling with this old thing-

I was not struggling!

Yeah you were!

I wasn’t-

I’m kidding! Gosh, you’re so cute.

...

Are you gonna have the camera recording while this carries on?

I forgot it was on-

One day we’re gonna accidentally make a sex tape-

Eric!

[REC: APRIL 17, 2019 - 1:15AM] SOLO LOG #6

-ould you pass me the hot water?

Mm? What?

The kettle over on the counter. Careful, it’s hot. Yeah, thanks.

Do you need help with-

It’s just instant noodles, sweet. Doubt I need a diploma for this. You’re recording again?

Yeah, does it bother you?

No, no, ‘course not. Though that means I can’t really do whatever I want to now.

What does that mea-

...

I can... still taste that bit of milk tea you had just now-

Could you tell it’s zero sugar?

I don’t think that matters, it’s still sweet and not great for your health to have that so much.

Aw, and yet you’re the one who suggested noodles at this timing, yeah?

You were hungry too!

...

Here, it’s done. Help me get the bowls? 

Did you even wash these?

Yeah, I did. If you don’t trust me, you can run them under the water for a bit.

Mhm. Here.

If it’s not enough, we can call for Macs.

Y’know, I’ve never had Macs past midnight back at home.

What? Really? Well, when you get back in May, would you try?

Yeah, why not? Maybe I’ll do that when I’m back in school. 

...

What date is it today?

April... hold on, um, 17. Careful, that’s hot.

...

When are you leaving again?

May 22. 

Are you planning on coming back anytime soon after?

I don’t know. I have school to worry about and the only other time I can come back’s probably during winter break in November.

...

I won’t be around in November.

Mm? Why not?

I’m moving.

To where?

I’m not sure yet, but I need to move depending on whether I get it and where the shoot’s at.

Shoot? It’s a big project, huh?

Yeah, it’s- it’s a pretty big deal.

...

I’ll- Let me just go and...

[REC: APRIL 20, 2019 - 7:49PM] SOLO LOG #7

-idn’t have to!

No, c’mon! It’s such a great time to get this on camera! Come on, tell us what just happened!

Well, I just scored a huge model contract with Calvin Klein - in Manhattan.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I’m so fucking proud of you, oh my God! Can you believe it-

No, fuck off, I can’t either! 

Oh! Calvin Klein!

...

I swear, you’re an angel sent to me-

Fuck off!

I’m serious! it’s so timely- I just can’t- I’m just so happy to have met you.

...

Well, you heard it first here, ladies and gentlemen. Eric Sohn is a new model for Calvin Klein - Manhattan.

[REC: APRIL 21, 2019 - 12:40PM] SOLO LOG #8

It is 12.40pm... April 21st, 2019. I’m finally back in my apartment after crashing at Eric’s for the last... 10 days? I think it was 10 days. My clothes were running out and I didn’t want to hike up his water bills so I just came back and- y’know did my own laundry.

...

Well, it’s- it’s been an absolute dream. The last thing I expected to... have, or meet? Here, is Eric. Um, but I know I’m probably going to regret this. Especially when May 22 comes. Uh... this is... it’s real bad. I mean, we’re great, y’know? But... it’s bad, because I know it’ll hurt. Like a bitch. When my time here is up, and I gotta go back to my reality, and Eric’s gotta stick to his. 

We haven’t really talked about it. May. I don’t think he wants to, and I don’t think I want to either. 50 days is too short. Either that, or I shouldn’t have come here in the first place. I shouldn’t have gone to the beach that day, in that hour. 

...

I just wish we had more time. I wish 24 hours were... maybe about 100 seconds more per minute. Does that make sense? 160 seconds per minute. Then again, I don’t think that’d solve my problem. I’ll still be on a ticking... time bomb. 

...

I know I shouldn’t say this. I know I can’t. I know I can’t afford to. But... I... I love him. I love Eric. With every... bit of me. It’s so... disgustingly cliché, but I feel so... comfortable with him. There’s really nothing we’d fight about, and even if we disagreed on something, we’d play it off like a debate, then forget about it the next day.

...

I love him. I do. And I’m going to regret this later. Without a doubt.

...

[REC: APRIL 27, 2019 - 2:02AM] SOLO LOG #9

-ou can see the stars?

I don’t know, that’s why I’m trying, sweet.

...

Can you see them?

Yeah, maybe if I just turn this ISO- Oh! I can kinda see the North Star-

Oh! Yeah, you can! It’s really feint though.

Right.

It’s okay, we can just lay it down here-

On the grass? Will your camera be fine?

Yeah, yeah, or else you can just put in on top of my bag- here.

...

Here, can you see me? Am I in frame?

Yeah, you’re in frame.

Okay, great. Now get over here!

...

I can taste the smoothie you had just now.

Too sweet?

A little.

...

Oh my God! Put me down! Oh- not there! It’s ticklish- AHHHHH!

...

y/n, I have something to tell you.

Mm? What is it?

...

Hello? Earth to Eric?

I... I love you. So much... and I can’t bear to see you go in May. 

Oh, Eric...

No, I- I don’t want you to stay- or even think about it, ‘cause, you have your priorities and I have mine y’know...

Mhm.

I just... I just wished we had more time. 

I do too. I really do.

...

Eric?

Hm?

I love you too.

...

...

...

[REC: MAY 1, 2019 - 4:23AM] SOLO LOG #10

1st May. 4...30? Am? I believe. Um, Eric’s sound asleep in his bed and I couldn’t sleep so I decided to do a log. 

...

I have... 3 weeks left. 4 weeks have gone past just like that, and I don’t know what to think about it. I came for a 50-day retreat. No stress, just myself and peace and quiet and tranquility and yet-

...

I- I don’t know if I can do this.

...

[REC: MAY 7, 2019 - 3:58PM] SOLO LOG #11

So, Eric’s in shoot right now and I’m on the way into the studio with some donuts and coffee to surprise him. I called his manager and asked if it was okay so- I’m pretty psyched to see his workspace. 

...

Hi, I’m y/n, I’m here to visit Eric?

Ah, okay! Hold on, let me just get you signed in with the pass-

Count me in!

You sure? This Saturday at the prep-party?

Yeah- Oh! 

Eric!

y/n! What are you doing here?

I wanted to surprise you. Am I... interrupting anything?

Oh, not at all!

You must be y/n! Eric’s told me so much about you!

Did he? And you are...?

I’m Chelsea! I’ve been attached to the same Calvin Klein contract he recently got, so you could say we’re colleagues!

Well, nice to meet you! Oh, right, these donuts and coffee are meant for you guys actually!

Oh! You’re too kind! Eric, you’re such a lucky man.

I know, she’s just... everything.

Anyway, thank you so much for these. I’ll bring them back down to the studio for the crew to share. But Eric’s pretty much done for the day actually, so you guys can leave if you want to!

Are you sure? Don’t you need help downstairs with the equipment?

No, no! It’s fine, there’re more than enough people downstairs. Go have your date, and maybe you can bring her along with you for the prep-party this weekend!

What’s the prep-party... preparing for?

Oh, you’re so adorable! It’s a prep-party for the end-of-May shoot we’re gonna have. it’s a collab with DAZED so it’s a pretty big project.

You never told me you were involved in a collab with DAZED.

I was gonna tell you today.

He has been pretty busy recently, maybe slipped his mind. Anyway, thank you so much for the donuts and I’ll hope to see you at the pier this Saturday, mm?

Yeah, sure. Thanks Chels.

No problem! It was so nice to meet you, y/n, I’ll see you Saturday!

Okay, bye!

Bye, Chelsea! It was nice to meet you!

Bye!

...

Sweet, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?

I wanted it to be a surprise. I thought you said you’d end pretty late?

The filming was cut short because the shots were better than expected so we ended early.

Oh, I wanted to film you while you were at work.

You have that on?

Yeah- why?

No, just wondering. 

Are you uncomfortable?

No, no, it’s just... I really didn’t expect you to come to the studio. 

...

[REC: MAY 11, 2019 - 11:12PM] SOLO LOG #12

It’s 11:12pm, 11th May, 2019. 11 days to departure.

...

I... saw... Chelsea and Eric... um, out by the garage- 

...

Well, I guess... it looked like they were just... having a really good talk. Or something. 

...

I left. I couldn’t watch it. So, I left without telling Eric. I did tell his boss that I wasn’t feeling well and I had to leave first. 

...

I guess this is the part where I regret it, isn’t it? Um... I don’t know... how... I’m gonna explain this to him when I see him again. Which is supposed to be- um- the rest of the night. I was supposed to go back to his place with him and I’ll stay for the weekend before I come back to pack my things, so-

...

y/n, are you home?

...

shit.

y/n, I know you’re home. I heard you talking. Open the door, I need to talk to you.

...

[REC: MAY 12, 2019 - 2:00AM] SOLO LOG #13

...

I look like shit, don’t I? God, my eyes hurt like a bitch. 

...

I don’t think I need to say what just happened for you to guess what just happened, right? This... says it all. 

...

Fuck. 

...

I shouldn’t have come here. How did- How did my retreat turn out- turn out like this? 

...

This is- This is too much. Too much in too short... of a time. 

...

I don’t think... I don’t think I can do it. Not anymore. 

...

[REC: MAY 19, 2019 - 9:59AM] SOLO LOG #14

It’s May 19th, 2019, almost 10am. I just came back from a morning walk by the beach just to... reminisce a little before I leave on Wednesday. 

...

I... haven’t seen Eric since the prep-party. I blocked him and I told him not to come over, though I think he has, like, a few times. I thought I heard someone come up to my door, but he never knocked. 

...

So, this is how it ends, huh? A 50-day romance cut short like that. Into about, 40? 

...

It’s crazy to think that I had... the experience of a whole relationship in 40 days. I definitely did not sign up for that when I booked this 50-day retreat. 

...

It was fun while it lasted, though. It was. I don’t think I’d find anybody else like Eric, and I guess it just sucks that it had to end like that. Things happen, right? That aren’t... in our control. 

...

...

...

[REC: MAY 21, 2019 - 8:07PM] SOLO LOG #15

May 21st. About 8pm. I leave in about 15 hours. 

...

All my stuff’s packed. Definitely more things to bring home than I brought here. Half of these things were bought by Eric and given to me. I’m... actually not sure if I should bring them back. 

...

I don’t- I just don’t think I’d have the heart to throw them away.

...

Nor look at them when I’m home. 

...

Should I even bring this camera home? Maybe I should wipe your memory before I bring you home, hmm?

...

It feels like a dream, doesn’t it? Everything that’s happened. It feels like a fever dream. Maybe when I’m finally home, I’d wake up and it’d be the day I come here.

...

Maybe.

...

[REC: MAY 22, 2019 - 10:03AM] SOLO LOG #16

-ny more luggage?

Nope.

Alright then, I think you’re all set. You still have about an hour’s time before the gates are open so you can get a cup of coffee or something, yeah?

Okay, thank you!

Have a nice flight ma’am.

Thanks.

...

Good evening ma’am, can I check your boarding pass?

Yeah, sure.

...

Okay, you’re good to go. Have a safe flight.

Thank you!

...

[REC: MAY 22, 2019 - 11:34AM] SOLO LOG #17

It is about 11.30am and I’m on the flight, and here’s the view outside. Sky’s pretty clear and this thing says that the weather’s great so, it should be a smooth flight without turbulence.

...

This is it. This is really it. 

...

...

...

Um-

Hi, ma’am, I’m gonna need you to keep your camcorder.

Oh! Yeah, sure, sure, sorry!

[REC: APRIL 2, 2020 - 12:48AM] ERIC LOG #1

Wow, this is... weird. How did you do this last year?

...

Um, hi. y/n. If you’re watching this then I’ve somehow managed to get this synced into your camera by some weird... bluetooth, iCloud shit that Felix helped me figure out. 

...

It’s been a year. And... I just thought you should... see this, or hear me out, at least. I know we didn’t end on the best terms... and I’m sorry. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have yelled at you for being unreasonable for something that was... suspicious. I should’ve understood. 

...

I should’ve been there. To see you off. And I’m sorry I didn’t. I... was scared, that I wouldn’t be able to let you go if I went to send you off. I was a coward. I still am. 

...

But I do want you to know that... those 50 days were the best days of my life. Albeit it ended horribly, but nothing could... nothing- nothing will ever replace what happened last April. 

...

I said I love you and... I still do. Every day I think about you and your smile and your voice and- and I cry to sleep... worrying that I’d forget how you sound like, or how you laugh and how... how you smell like. My bed smelt like you even after you left. 

...

I just- I love you. And I miss you. And I’d do anything to go back to what we had. I’d do anything to get- to get you back. 

...

I’m sorry.

...

the clip comes to an automatic stop. the white triangle slapped onto the screen, begging you to play it again. you look up from the screen, watching the famous calvin klein ad that hasn’t stopped playing in the last month. 

he hasn’t changed one bit. not his hair, not his smile, not his voice. 

it’s a bittersweet pot of memory stashed in the back of your head when the memories flood back. looking back down at the camera, you count back the days - it was synced just last night. 

the pile of tissues by your thighs are carelessly huddled into the bin next to your feet, mentally berating yourself for going through the memory instead of formatting it. 

you stand, fingers shutting the screen back onto its body with a soft click. the tv blacks out when you press the red button on its remote. 

you’re halfway into your kitchen when there’s a knock at your door, and you immediately gasp, blinking rapidly.

“oh, it’s my fucking projector!”

rushing to the door, you don’t hesitate to get the door open. 

and yet, like the heavens were providing you with all the light to stop you from doubting yourself, your lungs empty themselves like vacuums. 

your heart stops.

your breathing stops.

“eric... what are you doing here?”

[applerubyy]

Ciao Adios

Summary: When you find your boyfriend cheating on you yo decide to expose him in the pettiest way you can think of.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader (some Loki x Reader if you squint)

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: Cheating and cursing (I think that’s it?)

A/N: Hi! So this is my first time writing and posting anything here so if its terrible please tell me nicely :). This is some AU where everyone lives and all is happy ok? Also english is not my first language so I apologize in advance for any grammar or spelling mistakes. Anyway, if it turns out that some of you like it I think I’d be willing to do a part 2 if you like. Hope you enjoy it! <3. Btw, the gif is not mine so credit to whoever made it.

Crack. That’s the sound of your heart breaking, ripped to pieces in just a few seconds. And no, you were not exaggerating. Seeing your boyfriend kissing someone else while taking off their clothes would do that to a person. And in his office of all places.

How did you not see that coming? They had a lot in common and they did spend a lot of time together but you were just so naïve thinking that he was the most trust-worthy person ever that you looked the other way and believed him when he told you she was “just a friend”. 

Just a friend my ass you thought as you calmly walked to your room. No running, that would draw attention to you and you didn’t need that. No crying either, because once you started you wouldn’t be able to stop. Walking down the hallway and taking the elevator to your floor feels like it takes forever. 

Time is funny that way. It has that annoying tendency to slow down or speed up at the worst times. Like when you were in college and the clock seemed to literally stop, you would look at the time and it was 10:20 am and check again after what felt like half an hour for it to be 10:25 am. Or like when you are having fun with your friends at a club and you see it’s 12:30 but when you look again a few minutes later it’s 2:40. Right now it feels like the former, time seems to have slowed down. Maybe Dr. Strange did something to it? No, that’s stupid, he wouldn’t play with time that way.

Finally the elevator pings open and you rush to your room. Well, it’s not only your room anymore. You share it with him and everything is a reminder of what you just saw. The art supplies on the desk by the window, the famous shield leaning against the wall near the door, the messy bed where you sleep together every night …

And every single thing brings tears to your eyes until finally, the dam breaks and you let the tears fall down. You bring your hand to your mouth to muffle a sob that brings you to your knees. Crying is the only thing you can do right now because your brain is stuck on a loop. All you can see is Steve kissing her, unbuttoning her shirt with one hand while the other grabbed her ass. And all you can hear are their moans, Sharon’s whimper when he touched her and his groan as he did so. 

And now you are full on crying and choking on air because that scene keeps replaying itself over and over no matter how much you want it to stop. And you do, Gosh you do because there is so much your heart can take and this is too much. It shatters you in more ways than one. It makes you question everything you thought you knew about him, about her, about your relationship and about yourself.

You remember the first time you met him. You were already in college and looking for an internship. Luckily you happened to be the niece of the one and only Pepper Potts. And who wouldn’t want to work near Earth's mightiest heroes? You sure did. You were studying journalism and communications in New York and working with the Avengers was the ultimate dream, one that was about to come true.

Your first day was uneventful, it consisted mainly of coffee runs, delivering files and passing messages along. That was until your third coffee run where you ran straight into a wall, well actually it wasn’t a wall but it felt like it. The coffee spilled everywhere, on your clothes and his, and you were going to fall on your butt if it wasn’t for him grabbing your arms to steady you. Imagine your surprise when you looked up to see Captain America himself.

And that’s the moment your love story started. It seemed like something straight out of a romantic comedy and you loved it. It started with flirting, a date and then another, him asking you to be his girlfriend and finally asking you to move in once you graduated. It felt like a fairytale.

Tony wasn't very happy about you and the Capsicle but he saw how happy you were so he tried to be happy too. Tony was your uncle even if you didn’t share any blood. Growing up you would visit your aunty Pepper in New York and he was always around, you even stayed at his house when Pepper and him had to work. So, you two became really close even before he became Iron Man and started dating your aunt. 

The same thing happened with Rhody. Your close relationship with Tony meant you were close to him too, seeing as he was one of the most important people in his life. Rhody treated you like his niece and was the only one he didn’t make fun of which you took as the ultimate compliment. 

So those three you knew before you started working at the compound and before Steve. But once you started working there you met the rest of the Avengers. Being Pepper and Tony's niece and Steve's girlfriend meant they all wanted to get to know you. 

You met Bruce Banner, the Hulk, and you became really close. But that was thanks to his close relation with Tony and all the time you spent with him working on his social media presence to make sure people saw him as more than just the green monster who smashes things. After a while of working there they promoted you and now you manage the Avengers social media.

Nat and Wanda became your best friends from the moment you met. You just clicked and hung out as much as possible, being the only girls on the team meant they were really happy to have another female added to the mix. As for Vision, he liked you because Wanda did, simple as that.

Bucky and Sam were the funniest people ever, their constant bickering always brought a smile to your face and they welcomed you with open arms. Happy that their friend had finally found someone to be with.

Thor and Clint were like the fun uncles you got to see every once in a while. The God of Thunder was like an excited puppy and would hug you till you couldn’t breath every time he came to Earth and Clint would joke around with you and FaceTime you when he was with his kids because they loved you (“best babysitter ever” that called you).

You met Peter when he started working for your uncle. He was a sweet kid and your love of memes, vines and pop culture made you instant friends. He would ask you for advice on girls and tell you science jokes.

But we all know not all fairytales have a happy ending and this one definitely didn’t. You’re feeling so many things at once. There’s anger, sadness, jealousy and something else you can’t put your finger on. You keep crying and are unable to move from your kneeling position on the floor. Checking the clock you realize you’ve been on the floor crying for an hour so you stand up.

Taking a shower seems like the best thing to do, your head is pounding and your face is all puffy. As you shower it hits you, that other feeling swirling around is inevitability. In a way you always thought he was too good for you, you always thought he would eventually get tired of you and trade you for someone else. 

It just hurt too much that it was her, the woman he shared so much with. The niece of Peggy Carter, his first love. An agent of S. H. I. E. L. D.  Someone who risked their life for the world like he did. Someone prettier. Someone better than you.

Yeah, you were definitely on a self-pity party. But you needed to be miserable for a while, to cry it all out, to hurt so that you could move on to the next stage of grief: anger. And when that came, there was no stopping you.

You weren’t a mean person, or a petty one. You gave everyone countless opportunities and forgave way too easily so you never really got angry. But when you did, when you said enough is enough, yeah, you better watch out. That could be the meanest bitch you ever met and she had no mercy.

So you got out of the shower, dried yourself and started getting ready. Tony was throwing yet another party about who knows what and you were not missing it. You liked parties, they were the perfect excuse for wearing pretty dresses and putting on make up. And tonight you were going all out. 

Your inner bitch was concocting a plan and you were going with it.

You hear the door open and prepare yourself to put on the best acting of your life. You take a deep breath and in the sweetest voice you can muster say: “Steve is that you babe?”

“Yeah doll it’s me” you hear him say. A few second later he pops into the bedroom and gives you a peck on the lips as you continue with your makeup.

“How was your day?” Steve asks as he takes off his clothes, probably to take a shower. “I missed you today, i went by your office but you weren’t there” he says with a small frown between his eyes. You could stare at his blue eyes forever but snap out of it when you remember what he did. 

“Oh not much, i left work earlier to get ready for tonight” you answer. Shit your work. You really did leave like that, but after tonight hopefully they’ll understand. “You should start getting ready, the party starts in thirty minutes”.

He smiles at you and tells you he’s going to take a quick shower before getting dressed. He goes to the bathroom and you feel like breaking the mirror but instead take a few deep breaths and remind yourself he’s getting what he deserves later on. With that in mind you finish applying you makeup and smile at yourself, you look good. Moving on to your hair you decide to do some loose waves and that’s it, you really don’t know how to make those complicated updos.

Steve gets out of the shower and starts putting on his suit. Men really do have it easier you think to yourself when you see all the work you had to do and he just showers and that’s it.

You take your dress out of the closet and admire it. It really is beautiful. It has a deep plunging neckline that shows a lot of cleavage and is skin tight with a slit on one side. The fact that it is silver with sequins makes it even better. Pepper helped you pick this dress. 

You put on the dress and admire yourself in the mirror. You look good. Behind you, you hear a whistle and turn around to see Steve watching you lust in his eyes. He comes closer and grabs you by the waist, pulling you to him.

“You look stunning” he says as he wets his bottom lip. “I can’t wait to take it off of you when we get back”. Lying cheating bastard.

“Can't wait” you lie as you wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him. This is just a kiss goodbye you tell yourself. One last kiss before he’s out of your life and probably runs to her. Tears threaten to fill your eyes but you hold them down. Not now.

You break the kiss when the need to breathe is too strong. Grabbing his hand you start walking towards the door and say: “Come on, we’re already late”.

——————————————————————————

The party had already started once you walk in and in true Tony fashion it is elegant and extravagant. Everyone is there: S. H. I. E. L. D. agents, the Avengers themselves, politicians and a few famous people. 

You and Steve walk to the bar and order drinks. A whiskey for him and a strawberry daiquiri for you, yes you are that basic but hey, it tastes awesome. He offers you his arm and with drinks in your hands you start looking for your friends. A lot of people stop you on the way, nobody wants to miss an opportunity to talk to Captain America.

One thing, or rather on person, catches your attention: Loki. He’s sitting on one of the cushions alone with a drink in his hand. It’s weird to see him there. Sure, he was redeeming himself for what he did in 2012 and Thor said he was doing better but he rarely left Asgard (he “hated mortals”) and when he did come to Earth it wasn’t for a party.

As if he could feel you staring he turns his head and locks his eyes with yours. You weren’t going to lie, he was gorgeous. He was incredibly tall, had those charming green eyes and was actually funny (but you’d never admit that to anyone). But you were in love with Steve and never saw him as anything more than Thor's hot brother. And everyone in the Avengers was hot so that’s not saying much.

You turn away from him and see Nat and Wanda on the dance floor and you tell Steve you’ll see him later and to go find his friends. He’ll need them after tonight you think to yourself. You greet the girls and start dancing with them, for a moment forgetting about what you saw today and putting Loki out of your mind.

The three of you decided to take a break and order some more drinks. Once at the bar Wanda orders for you and when your drinks arrive you go back to the dance floor. You spend the next few hours dancing, talking to your friends and pretending that nothing's wrong. Talking to Steve and pretending that nothing's wrong. Hugging Steve and pretending that nothing's wrong. Kissing Steve and pretending that nothing's wrong.

The fact that Sharon is at the party doesn’t help at all. When you see her talking or touching him you feel like you’re gonna lose it but you remain strong. You remind yourself of your plan and try to keep them out of your mind.

There’s a small stage at the far end of the room and you see your uncle Tony step on it and grab the microphone.

“Hello everyone and thank you for coming to another one of my amazing parties. I hope you are having a good time and taking advantage of the free bar over there” he points to the other side of the room and continues, “Now for what we have all been waiting for: karaoke! And yes, i want everyone to sing something because that’s the whole point of this. I'm looking at you Manchurian Candidate, you’re singing”.

With that he gets off the stage and passes the mic to Sam who decided to sing a Marvin Gaye song. He’s pretty good actually but you can’t fully concentrate on him because your mind is going a thousand miles an hour for what it’s going to happen later.

More people go up and sing their songs and you applaud when they’re done. Nobody is talking much, they're all too busy either laughing at the others performance, drinking or actually listening to the songs. You’re sitting with Steve to your right, Bruce to your left and the rest of the Avengers nearby. You’re your own little group.

It’s finally your turn and as you walk to the stage you can hear your friends whistling and cheering you on. Once you’re up on the stage you choose the song and start singing. 

Ask you once, ask you twice now

There's lipstick on your collar

You say she's just a friend now

Then why don't we call her?

So you wanna go home with someone

To do all the things you used to do to me

I swear, I know you do

Used to take me out in your fancy car

And make out in the rain

And when I ring you up

Don't know where you are

'Til I hear her say your name

Used to sing along when you played guitar

That's a distant memory

Hope she treats you better than you treated me, ha

As you continue singing you get more and more confident and take the mic. You walk off the little stage and over to your friends while dancing and you can see them smiling, clapping and having fun. They have no idea how much i mean all of this you think. You look at Steve and he’s completely oblivious. Good, you want to take him by surprise. You arrive at your little circle of friends and start singing the chorus.

I'm onto you, yeah you

I'm not your number one

I saw you with her

Kissing and having fun

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done

Ciao adios, I'm done

Ciao adios, I'm done

You keep dancing and go back to back with Wanda who’s also singing along. You then turn to Nat and she grabs your hand and makes you do a little spin. 

After three, after four times

Why did I bother?

Tell me how many more times

Does it take to get smarter?

Don't need to deny the hurt and the lies

And all of the things you did to me

I swear, I know you did

And now you take her out in your fancy car

And make out in the rain

And when she rings you up

She know where you are

But I know differently

Now she sings along when you play guitar

Making brand new memories

Hope you treat her better than you treated me

You go up to Tony and he starts dancing around you busting out some dad moves. You laugh and keep on singing and dancing.

I'm onto you, yeah you

I'm not your number one

I saw you with her

Kissing and having fun

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done (I'm done)

Ciao adios, I'm done (no, no, no, no)

Ciao adios, I'm done

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done

And now you take her out in your fancy car

And make out in the rain

And when she rings you up

She know where you are

But I know differently

Now she sings along when you play guitar

Making brand new memories

Hope you treat her better than you treated me

You walk back to the stage as you sing and step up. You put the mic back into place and sing the last part of the song.

I'm onto you, yeah you

I'm not your number one

I saw you with her (with her)

Kissing and having fun (and fun)

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done (I'm done)

Ciao adios, I'm done (you get on with your life, I'll get on with my life)

Ciao adios, I'm done

If you're giving her all of your money and time

I'm not gonna sit here wasting mine on you, yeah, you

Ciao adios, I'm done

When you’re done people are clapping and cheering and you look to your friends to see them all smiling. You look at everyone and make a little mock bow and when you straighten you see Loki sitting on the same couch as before. But this time he’s looking at you and he’s laughing, not smiling and cheering but actually laughing.

You look back at your friends and say “Thank you, thank you” with a smile on your face. You continue , “I wanted to dedicate this song to my boyfriend Steve” you point at him.

“In case it wasn’t clear enough, i wanted to tell you that i saw you with Sharon”. You could hear a pin drop. No one was talking and all eyes were on you. This is what you wanted, to humiliate him as much as he did you. And what better way to do it than publicly? Oh but you weren’t done.

You could see Steve's face going pale and nobody knew where to look, if at you or at him. Tony look ready to murder him as did Rhody, Pepper, Peter and Bruce. Thor, Clint and Vision looked shocked. But Bucky, Sam, Nat and Wanda looked guilty.

Your heart breaks a little more when you realize they knew. You can’t really blame Bucky and Sam for not telling you, they were Steve's friends after all. But you thought the girls were your friends, that they would have told you. Apparently you overestimated that friendship.

You keep on smiling and continue “So… I’m breaking up with you. Hope she was a good fuck and wasn’t uncomfortable with the fact that you were once in love with her aunt”. You do a dramatic pause and make a little disgusted face. “Anyway, if I’m lucky i´ll never see you again. Have a great life!”

And with that, you walk off the stage and make your way to your friends. Steve is rooted to the spot and his face is red with embarrassment. You walk up to him, look him straight in the eye and give him an evil smile. He gulps and opens his mouth as if he’s about to say something and then closes it. He does is two more times and still nothing comes out.

You turn to your group and look at Wand and Nat, who can’t seem to be able to look you in the eye. You sigh and say: “Who want enemies when they can have you as their best friends right?”. They look up then and start talking. Telling you how sorry they are and to please forgive them. You raise your hand to silence them and they do.

You go to your aunt and uncle who look like there should be smoke coming out of their ears and say: “I’m gonna stay in a hotel for the night, can’t stand to be here anymore”. Tony scrunches his eyebrows and look at you like you’re crazy.

“Hell no. You’re staying here. We can find him another room to sleep in but you’re not leaving. If anyone’s leaving is Mr. Star-spangled over there” he practically screams the last part as he points at Steve.  

You take a deep breath and hug him. It takes him by surprise but he puts his arms around you. “I appreciate it uncle Tony but i can’t stay at the compound, it just hurts too much” you say as you let go. Turning to your aunt you hug her as well and say: “Thank you for everything but I quit”.

The moment those words leave your mouth everyone starts talking at the same time telling you how crazy you are and to think about it. You just smile at them and tell them you already made up your mind. “I'm gonna go pack a bag and ask Happy to take me to a hotel nearby. Please make sure he doesn’t follow” you say as you point to a still red-faced Captain America. 

With that you turn around and leave. The room is silent for a few seconds before you hear your friends all screaming at Steve. You look around for a second and notice that Loki is staring at you with a smirk on his face. When you look him in the eye he raises his glass at you ant takes a sip. 

You give him a small smile and walk through the doors towards the elevator.  

[lostlastsforever756]

Your Night With Cordelia

Part 18

Summary: This part was requested by someone special to me. Happy Birthday<3

You look forward to your birthday every year, so why has everyone suddenly forgotten that it is today?

Word Count: 1,100 words

Rating: G

A/N: I wasn’t sure if I was going to post this, because technically i am done writing this story, but the person I wrote it for gave the okay, so here it is. It is a one off, I hope you guys enjoy <3. 

[REQUESTS CLOSED]

other parts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, valentine’s day, 15, 16, 17

Birthdays. 

The one day of the year where anyone can feel special. The one day of the year where people can dote on you and spoil you and you don't feel bad about it because, dammit, it's your day. 

You talk about it all month long, and the other girls jokingly ask you when it is, and you happily respond with the correct date every time. You know they do it as a joke, but you don't care because it's your birthday and it's special, and nothing can ruin that. 

Well, so you thought. 

You wake up excited on your birthday this year, putting on the special outfit you had picked out just for this day, skipping down the stairs to the kitchen, hungry for a special birthday breakfast. But when you get to the kitchen, no one is there. You deflate, just a little bit from disappointment, but no matter, there is always lunch, and cake is much better for dinner anyway. 

You head off to class, sitting down in your usual seat next to one of the newer members of the coven. You hum to yourself as you sit down, and she looks over at you, smiling. 

"You're in a good mood!" She says.

You grin. "Of course I am, it's my birthday!"

You know you've told her at least once before, in fact, you're 90% positive you told her yesterday, but she still gets a surprised look on her face. 

"Oh my gosh, happy birthday! Do you have any plans?"

"Well, I don't, but I'm sure the other girls have something planned."

But the day goes on, and the more you mention your birthday and get returned with shocked, sheepish, embarrassed responses, the less you want to interact with anyone. By the time mid afternoon rolls around, you're done bringing it up at all. You sit quietly through dinner, listening to everyone laugh, wishing that you would sink into the walls for good. Occasionally, you can feel Cordelia's eyes on you, as if she can tell that you're quieter than usual and she's trying to figure out why. You avoid her gaze, only finishing half of your dinner and trudging up to your room. 

You're not sure how long you stew, going back and forth between staring at the page of your book and staring at the wall. You try to think of something else, but all you can think is, "Do I really not matter enough for someone to remember my birthday?"

There's a soft knock on your door, and Mallory sticks her head in. Your heart picks up a little, a smile starting on your face. Finally, someone remembered. 

"Hey, it's 9, Cordelia wants you."

You deflate again, nod quietly. "Thanks."

You trudge your way to Cordelia's door and knock, sighing softly to yourself. She calls you in and you enter, greeting her softly as she perches on the edge of the bed. She's got a big smile on her face that you wish you could return, but the sadness from the rest of the day seems to be lingering. 

And then, she says the words you've been waiting to hear all day.

"Happy birthday, my love," she says, and somehow her smile gets even bigger. 

You feel yourself start to tear up, but to stop yourself from actually crying, running to her and hugging her tightly. You should have known that she would never forget, even if everyone else did. She laughs softly, rubbing your back as she squeezes you. Over your shoulder you can see that she has her balcony doors open, the moonlight falling softly on the floor, and beneath the light you see a blanket laid out on the floor. You find yourself smiling big. 

"I have a surprise for you," she says. 

You start pulling away. "You set up a picnic for me?"

She grins, pleased with herself. "I did."

"That's so nice, Cordelia, thank you."

She pats you lightly on the back, giving you a kiss on the forehead. "Go ahead and get comfortable, I'll be back in a second."

You watch her make her way to the bathroom, grinning to yourself, then make your way over to the blanket. She's got everything, a basket, plates, candles, a whole bunch of pillows. You grab all the pillows you'll need to be comfortable, and settle down on top of them, grabbing one of the crackers from the snack platter. Soon after you're settled, she comes back out of the bathroom slowly, a pastel colored cake in her arms, 5 small candles lit. 

And as she makes her way across the room to you, she starts singing the birthday song, slightly off key. You would laugh if this all wasn't so sweet, and your heart feels all gooey knowing that she cares. She finishes singing just as she's setting the cake down in front of you, softly encouraging you to make a wish. 

And as you blow out the candles, you wish that every year could be like this. You and her and happiness. She smiles at you, so full of affection, her hands clasped together against her chest. 

"I'll cut the cake, and you can open your gift."

"You got me a present? Oh, Cordelia, its too much, you didn't–"

"Too late, I already did it, so open it," she insists, pushing it gently towards you, before going back to focus on the cake. 

It's wrapped beautifully, but what else did you expect from Cordelia, a perfectionist at heart. It matches the cake, soft pink pastel with a giant ribbon on top, and an envelope slipped into the top. You take out the card and open it up, reading out loud. 

"If people were flowers," you read, then open up the card, "I'd pick you for my bouquet every time. Happy birthday." You grin, tracing your finger gently over her signature at the bottom. 

She laughs to herself, like she knows the card is silly, and places a plate of cake by your legs. You then tear into the box. You gasp at everything you pull out, a cute bear with a witch hat, bottles, crystals, pressed flowers, it's all so her and also so you, and you wonder how she even knew these were things you wanted. 

You smile up at her, meeting her happy, watching eyes. 

"Thank you so much, Cordelia. This means everything to me."

She leans forward, stroking your cheek gently with her thumb, then pressing another kiss to your forehead. 

"I love you, happy birthday." Then she grins again. "Come on, let's eat cake."

The End 

[nuttynutcycle]

I just discovered your blog, and I'm in LOVE with your writing! I'm completely obsessed with Familiar, so if it's not to much to ask, could you write a continuation? Thank you so much, your snippets and prompts are greatly appreciated!!

Familiar - Pt 2

First part here

On a scale of one to ten, this was either a -2 or a 12 on the good idea scale. Hero double-checked the address Villain had sent her before looking back at the tiny house. The paint was peeling, steps were rotting and that roof was definitely of the leaking sort. Somehow, she had expected Villain to live on the rich side of town.

When he had invited her over to work on their assignment, her thoughts had been torn between screaming trap and find some evidence. The second side won. If there wasn’t anything in there to prove who Villain really was… Well, she’d have to find another way of getting proof to show the authorities. She knocked and noted the cracked windows to her side. After a few seconds, Villain opened the door.

“Hey, I’m glad you could make it. Come on in.” He led her down the musty hall towards a suspiciously normal bedroom. “Thanks again for making the trek all the way over here. My mom hasn’t been doing too well recently, and I’m trying not to leave her alone for too long.”

“Of course, I get it.” Hero let her eyes trail over the spartan room. The only furniture was a bed and two chairs beside a fold-up table covered with books and scribblers. Funny, the number of times Villain escaped from her with stolen cash made her think he’d at least have better furniture. Or a safe to put the money in. Maybe it was hiding in the closet? Although in this neighbourhood, keeping money lying around might not be the brightest idea. “It’s good that you’re taking care of her.”

He nodded, avoiding her gaze and moving his stuff from the table to the floor. “Hopefully, this next surgery will be the one that works.”

“Yeah, it’s tough watching people you love go through painful things. My sister has a heart problem right now, and it’s terrifying to watch her energy come and go.” Shut up! Stop telling him personal things. “Yeah.” She finished lamely.

Their gazes locked in understanding. Hero was the first to break away. “Ready to start the pain?”

They worked on the assignment in silence for a while. Honestly, there was probably a special punishment designed for whoever invented assignments over ten pages long. This just wasn’t fair. Hero sat back, running a hand through her hair. “I think this is karma's way of punishing me for not reading the textbook.”

His lips quirked. “There’s a textbook for this class? That would’ve been helpful to know at the start of the semester.”

“Want to know how tired I was at the beginning of the semester? I can’t even remember choosing my classes,” she pulled a hand down her face. “I think I just closed my eyes and pointed at the screen.”

“You could have been in differential calculus. Or worse, accounting.”

“Or Phys Ed. Did you know our university has a course devoted to badminton?”

Villain laughed. “What a racket. To think, I could have spent time swinging my arm around and gotten credit for it.”

“But then you’d be missing out on the glories of this assignment.”

“And a friend.”

Oh nope. Big nope. Wait, Hero reconsidered. Were they friends?  They did chat after class and had studied a few times together, but that didn’t mean- wait. Huh. Time to deflect with awkward humour and process these feelings later. “I thought you saw me as a role model, but that’s cool too. I’ll just have to find a new lackey.”

“And here I thought you were friends with me for my brilliance and good looks.”

She felt her cheeks begin to burn. “Yep, it’s all for your looks. If you seduce our professor, then we don’t have to do this assignment anymore.”

Villain rubbed his chin. “I’ve never seduced a professor before. Would I have to wear a sweater vest?”

“And a tweed jacket. It’s the only way.” Her fingers twitched, and she was suddenly very aware of him. The light hitting his hair, the way his lips curled when he was amused… Bad, very bad. This is your official ABORT MISSION alert. Find some evidence on the dangerous criminal and get out of there. She cleared her throat. “I’m parched. Could I get some water?”

Villain nodded, standing and leaving the room. Hero leapt out of the chair the moment the door shut behind him.  Her eyes latched on the only place one could hide anything in the sparse room - the closet. She yanked it open, feeling her heart speed up at the sound of Villain opening a cupboard in the kitchen and turning on the tap.

The closet was small and impressively dull. Clothes and boxes littered the tiny  shelves, with no signs of the files or weapons she was looking for. A flap of a familiar fabric dangling from one of the top boxes caught her eye. Bingo. Hero gingerly reached to feel the consistency, making sure she wasn’t wrong before bringing the authorities in, and accidentally bumped an elbow against the side of the closet. The box plummeted from its precarious placement and met the ground with a thump. No! She scrambled to pick up the box and the spilled-out uniform when a movement behind made her pause.

Villain stood in the doorway, hand clenched around a glass of water. His eyes darted to the clothes on the ground. “What are you doing?” he asked quietly.

Hero’s throat went dry. She tightened her grip on the clothes and tried to look surprised. “S-something fell in your closet, so I opened it to check what it was.”

“Huh,” Villain said. “That’s unfortunate.”

He knelt, gently taking his outfit from her hands and placing it back in the box. “You weren’t supposed to see this.”

“Clearly.”  Hero swallowed and prepared to run if he attacked. Worst case scenario, she had beat him before and could do it again. Theoretically. “I didn’t mean to-“

“I know.” A familiar calculation crept across his face, making her hands shake. Villain sat across from her and blocked the only exit, placing the cup of water between them. She felt trapped against the closet.

“You know, if this had happened a month ago, I would have killed you without a second thought,” he said mildly. “Guess you’re lucky.”

A horrifying reminder that she was not dealing with her awkward classmate anymore. “What are you going to do instead?”

Villain shrugged, seeming far too calm for the situation. “I don’t know yet. Talk, I guess?”

“I won’t tell anyone.” Hero said, lying through her teeth.

“Unfortunately, I’m too old to believe the promises of others so easily.” He trailed his fingers through the thin carpet, tracing patterns through the material. “Even yours. The stakes are just too high.”

“What’s even worth all the stealing and destruction?” she asked quietly. “Why do you do it? “

The  fingers paused. “It started out as one job. My mom needed treatment, and we didn’t have the money to pay for it. Then one treatment turned into two.” He shook his head. “Before I knew it, I was on the city’s most-wanted list.”

Her shoulders tensed. “Will you stop when the treatments are finished?”

“There have been other benefits to criminal activity.” Villain ducked his head, cheeks turning pink. “Lots of amazing people to meet. I haven’t decided yet.”

She leaned against the wall beside the closet, feeling safer with something solid against her back. “I don’t know if meeting people through crime is worth a lifetime in jail.”

He gave a bitter laugh. “You’d be surprised.”

Hero picked up the forgotten water sitting between them and drank, if nothing else than for the excuse to avoid responding.

His fingers trailed larger patterns in the carpet. “I never wanted you to find out- this is one of the first friendships I’ve made since I started university. I don’t want to lose that. And I don’t want you getting hurt, but this does put me in a tight position. I won’t let you inform the authorities.”

Hero pressed her back further against the wall.

Villain took one look at her wide eyes and softened his tone. “Just don’t tell. If I get one inkling that you’re about to turn me in, then..." he sighed. "Please don’t make me choose between you and my mom.”

He would know it was her. Hero didn’t think she could after this. Or fight him, knowing it was for his mom’s medical bills. She pursed her lips, making a highly regrettable split-second decision. “Alright. But only on one condition: you stop once her treatments are done.”

He twitched. “I told you, I haven’t decided yet-”

“I’m making the decision for you.” She tried to sound more confident than she felt. "Deals are much easier to trust than promises.”

“No. I’d miss-” Villain stopped, clenching his jaw. “I can’t let certain people from that life go yet.”

Something clicked. The girl he liked was from his criminal life… Oh gosh, Hero probably knew her. The brunette villain from the southside? The redheaded weapons supplier? Stop getting distracted.

“I trust you. Give it up as soon as you can.” The words slipped out before she could stop them. “For me.” That was even worse. Was it possible to die from a foot in your mouth?

Villain relaxed his shoulders. “Yeah. It’s a deal.” He stuck out a hand and Hero grasped it, shaking firmly and ignoring the sinking feeling in her chest. So like, a 5 on the good idea scale.

@revrevrew-personal @spruceandpine @sailor-cat2 @literally-just-kirby @emerqlds @chaoticgoodandu @notsocharmingmagician @flying-paperboat @touchedbyanerdyotaku

[grilledcheeseandguavajelly]

A Devil's Hunger: 1. 3. 5. 6. 11. 12. 15.

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

Oh it’s going to sound so cheesy, but I really think it was Venable as a character. I was so new to AHS when I first started writing this, so I didn’t really know where the rules and boundaries were set. This fic was written to explore those more artistic points of Sarah Paulson’s performance and the depth of Venable’s character. It was mostly based off of the tiny smirks, the eye squints, the tapping of her cane. And I know it’s not even really gotten into the proper, deep characterization bit yet, but it’s been incredibly fun so far. As for the perspective of the reader… I feel like a lot of times, especially in television/movies, we get to see what the characters’ cool superpowers look like on the outside, but we never know what’s going on inside of their mind or body when they channel those powers. So it was really fun trying to interpret that and explore the feeling of magic from the inside out.

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

Oh gosh, I don’t know if I have a favorite line… this is an impossible question 🙈 I definitely like the bit where they’re playing the candlestick. I was really pleased with how that came out. And I also really love the bit where Mina smacks reader across the face. Sue me 🙈

5: What part was hardest to write?

It’s not been published yet 👀 let’s just say it’s sort of the biggest scene of the fic, the climax(ish), and I have about five different versions just sitting and mocking me because I can’t choose between them 🙈 of the bits that have already been published, I’d say probably the beginning of chapter seven, when reader wakes up in Mina’s bed. Because there were SO many ways that it could have gone, and I didn’t know how I wanted them to fuck 🙈

6: What makes this fic special or different from all your other fics?

It’s multi-chaptered, for one. None of my other fics are (except for fearsome foursome, but I’ve only posted the first part of that so it doesn’t count yet hehe). I think it’s the longest fic I’ve ever written, and because of that I had a lot more freedom to take my time with the pacing of it. With a lot of my other fics, I always feel a pressure to keep them relatively short (read as: less than 20k). I try to cut out everything that isn’t absolutely necessary and keep them intentionally plot driven. With A Devil’s Hunger, I feel like I gave myself the space to explore the emotional impacts of all of the things that happen to the reader, and in that, I allowed myself to write in a way that I had never written before. Plus, there are a lot of tiny details (down to the types of plants mentioned) that will become really important later, so it was fun to be able to plan ahead and sprinkle all of that in.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

The piano and the plants. And also being able to write magical stuffs. I don’t know if it comes across well, but I’ve never done anything like that before and it’s very fun to try to interpret these different magic lessons and what they would feel like inside of the body/mind as they’re happening.

12: What do you like least about this fic?

How long it’s taken me to finish it 🙈🤦🏻‍♀️

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

Never post a multi-chapter fic if I’ve not finished the entire piece.

Check the spelling of the characters’ names before I post the fucking chapter

Consistency is key

The validation of one person saying they like my writing is enough to keep me going and going and going. It’s an incredible feeling, and I am so grateful to each and every person who has liked or commented on the fic or sent me asks about it 🤍✨

[milkybonya]

senior - friend - lover

Warning: mentions of drinking, but reader in this fic does not want to drink and does not drink, food mentions

Pairing: college!Jinjin x (gender neutral reader who is shy, has a hard time saying no)

Word count: 3.5k

Note: This is my entry for the Valentine’s day collab hosted by @kpoppwriter ! It was inspired by prompt 12: “You don’t have to if you don’t want to”

what i listened to while writing: I Like You by DAY6

On your first day at university, you got lost a total of three times, were late to all of your classes because of that, and you almost missed an important, required meeting for all first-years of your program. Almost.

As you were rushing back to your dorm, tired of the long day that you had just endured, you felt a hand gently grab your arm and stop you from moving forward. You almost grabbed the hand and twisted it out of anger until you looked up and realized who it was.

“[y/n]... right? You’re a first-year, no?” the person asked. You couldn’t quite remember his name, but you knew that he was a well-beloved senior in your program. During Welcome Week, he had been leading most of the events.

“Yeah, that’s me!”

You didn’t dare to ask his name, not wanting him to know that you had forgotten.

“I’m Jinjin. I’m sure you’ve seen me around,” he said, giving you the answer to your question without you even needing to ask.

“Yeah!” you say again, not sure what to say. This was the first time a senior in your program was talking with you one-on-one, so you didn’t want to embarrass yourself.

“I see you’re heading towards the dorms. Have you forgotten about the mandatory meeting for first-years?���

You gasped, eyes shaking as you realized that you had, in fact, forgotten. Jinjin smiled, his soft eyes disappearing into pretty crescents.

“You know how to get to the building, right?” he asked.

Your heart was racing. There was just one simple answer to that question… no. But for some reason, you had such a hard time saying that word. You felt like that word burdened whoever you were uttering it to, and for that reason, you always obliged with whatever came your way.

“Yeah!” you said for the third time.

“Okay, get there soon! It’s starting in five minutes,”Jinjin said, walking off and waving goodbye.

You pretended to walk towards this building, having no clue which one it even was, until Jinjin told you that you were going the wrong way.

“It’s okay. I actually have some things to do near there, so I can walk with you,” he said, leading the way.

How embarrassing, you thought to yourself. Now Jinjin knows that you pretended to know where you were going…

“It’s hard to ask for directions, right?” Jinjin asked you, walking with his hands in his pockets.

“Yeah…” you said, again.

“It feels like you’re a tourist even though you’re just a student on campus. But don’t worry, everyone here understands. We’ve all had to ask for directions before. Once, I asked for directions and it turned out I was standing right in front of the building I needed to find!” Jinjin explained, laughing softly. The sound was contagious and you laughed along. Your shoulders, that had been tense this entire time, dropped, and you felt yourself relaxing for the first time that day.

-

After that day, you tried your best to avoid Jinjin because of how embarrassed you felt, but somehow, the two of you would always run into one another. It would never end at just ‘hello’.

You were at the campus bookstore the next day, picking up some textbooks that you needed when someone tapped your shoulder. When you turned around, there he was. The boy who you’d embarrassed yourself in front of the day before.

“Hello! Are you picking up some books?”

You nodded, awkwardly returning to the shelves to scan them. Again, you weren’t sure what to say to your senior, but also again, Jinjin had a strange way of making you feel comfortable around him.

“Oh, don’t buy those books, [y/n]. It’s not worth the cost…” Jinjin said, pointing to the heavy load in your hands. When you blinked up at him, waiting for an explanation, he sighed.

“I doubt you’ll read them… But if you really want them, do you want to borrow mine? I still have them and they’re as good as new!”

“That would be great… How much should I pay you?”

Jinjin laughed.

“I said borrow. You can borrow them - there’s no need to pay!”

“Really?” you asked.

Jinjin leaned against the shelves and smiled, nodding.

“Can I drop them off at your dorm later today?” he asked.

When you nodded, he excused himself and walked towards a different part of the store. Thanks to Jinjin, you left the store empty-handed. It sounds sad, but actually, you were saving a lot of money thanks to him!

Just as he promised, he met you on the main floor of your residence building with a lot of books in his hands. It looked heavy, so you offered to help, but he said he didn’t need any. 

He walked up three flights of stairs (the elevator was broken), so by the time you had reached your room, he was sweating a ton. His veins were showing and his muscles protruding. He was such a cutie… you hadn’t expected him to be fully built with muscles.

He collapsed on the floor of your room once he placed the books on your desk, leaning his head back against your bed frame.

“Are you okay? Let me get you some water!”

When you brought him some, he chugged it all in one go and gasped for air once he was done. For some reason, that made you laugh, and Jinjin frowned at you.

“Is my pain funny to you?”

You pressed your lips together, shaking your head ‘no’.

“Anyways, there’s going to be a party for our program so we can introduce the first-years. Do you want to come?”

Gosh.. there it was. Another instance where you wanted to say no but just couldn’t. Why was it so hard for you to say ‘no’ in the most crucial situations?

“Uh… sure!” you said quietly. You weren’t fond of parties. Being a shy person made it hard to interact with strangers. Even if the people at the party weren’t really strangers, since they were all in your program, talking to them and socializing would be hard.

Jinjin scanned your face with his eyes.

“You don’t look like you want to go, though.”

“What? No… that’s… not true.”

“You look like I’m forcing you to go somewhere…” he said, squinting at you.

“You don’t have to come, [y/n]. If anyone asks, I’ll just say… you were studying?”

“But it’s only the first week… there isn’t much studying to do!”

“Shhh, I’ll tell them you have a quiz you’re worried about,” Jinjin said, standing up and waving away your worries with his hands.

“But-”

“Don’t worry, [y/n]. I’ve got it covered.”

-

“[y/n], you said you’d treat me out to food as a thanks for borrowing my books, right? Can we go eat somewhere today?” Jinjin asked you over the phone.

“But I didn’t… say that…”

“Oh, right… you didn’t. I wasn’t trying to make use of your inability to say no or anything! I swear! I was honestly just trying to find an excuse to have a meal with you but… you don’t have to treat me if you don’t want to!”

“Jinjin, you don’t need to make any excuses for having a meal with me. I’m always down to share a meal.”

“Really?” he asked, his voice somehow sounding like a happy puppy.

In the evening, the two of you went to a pizza place just outside campus to indulge in junk food. Things were getting stressful with exams approaching, and there was nothing like pizza to make you feel better.

When Jinjin asked you if you liked a certain flavour of pizza, you couldn’t help but agree, even though you hated that flavour the most. You just didn’t want to upset him…

He noticed the way you nibbled and tried to hide the fact that you were almost gagging on the taste. There was a soft thud as he dropped his pizza onto his plate.

“[y/n]... you don’t like this flavour, do you?”

“It’s fine!” you said, trying to take a big bite but struggling.

“It’s clearly not…” Jinjin noted, taking the pizza from your hands, his warm hand brushing against yours as he put the pizza away.

“Tell me what kind of pizza you want right now and I’ll go get it,” he said, pushing back in his chair, the legs scraping against the floor.

“You don’t have to!” you said, also standing up nervously.

“No, [y/n]. You don’t have to. Please, when you’re with me, don’t ever worry about anything. Only do the things that you want to do.”

You could hear your heartbeat flooding your ears as he said this. How did he have the ability to make you feel so comfortable?

When he ordered the pizza that you wanted, he watched as you ate with heart.

“Why aren’t you eating?” you asked him.

“I’m full,” he said, continuing to watch you. You found it awkward to eat as he watched, so Jinjin continued to eat his own pizza despite saying that he was full just moments ago.

“Wait… so why did you want to eat today so badly?” you suddenly asked Jinjin.

“What do you mean? I thought you said I didn’t need a reason to want to eat with you?”

“I’m just curious now,” you said, slyly taking a bite of your pizza.

“I just wanted to see you…” Jinjin mumbled in-between mouthfuls of food.

“Hm?”

“Nothing… I’m just hungry,” Jinjin said, taking a big bite of his food.

-

Once the second semester began, more people had picked up on your struggles with saying ‘no’. In group projects, all of the workload was forced onto your shoulders. People dragged you to parties and events that you didn’t want to nor had the time to attend, and you were sick and tired of everyone. Everyone except for Jinjin, of course, whom you’d managed to grow extremely close to, despite him being your senior.

“Give me your phone,” Jinjin demanded, crossing his arms over the library desk.

“Jinjin, calm down-”

He snatched it from your hands before you could finish your sentence and sighed once he saw the messages on your screen. Then, he began furiously typing a response. You leaned forward and tried to reach for your phone, but Jinjin wouldn’t let you have it. He only gave it back once he was done typing.

“These rascals… [y/n], I’ve told you to say no when they make excuses for not being able to do the work.”

“It’s hard,” you whined, eyes widening once you read the nasty response Jinjin had written.

This is a group project and there will be no free riders. I know you’re all lying. Everyone will do their part as we decided, or else you’ll get a zero as I’ll be showing the professor these lies that you’ve all messaged me.

“Jinjin, this message is so scary.”

“You have to be scary for them to take you seriously!” Jinjin says, his loud voice earning him glares from a couple of students.

“I know it’s hard… Whenever you get these messages, tell me and I’ll reply for you, okay?” Jinjin tells you.

As the two of you returned to your studies, you noticed a part of Jinjin’s forearm glowing. The ceiling of the library was all glass, so the sunlight was able to shine down sometimes. Today, the sun had decided to bless Jinjin.

Acting on your sudden urge, you stretched out your arm to poke Jinjin’s forearm, right where the sun’s rays were shining on it. He looked up after your finger collided with his skin, confused.

“Look, the sun’s shining on you!” you pointed out, amused. Jinjin smiled seeing your reaction to something so simple.

“You used to be so scared of me… now you even poke my arm?” he asked.

“Oh… I’m sorry!” you said, retracting yourself away from him and returning to your notes. Jinjin watched you for a few moments as you tried to study, admiring your beautiful face from only an arm’s length away.

-

“Drink up drink up!”

Glasses clinked together inside the warm pub, the sound echoing in your ears. Once everyone’s glasses met their lips, the only sounds that could be heard were the murmuring of chatter that filled the slightly busy space and something sizzling in a pan far off towards the kitchen.

You took a sip of your glass of water, trying to hide it from all your college friends. They were quick to catch on, though.

“It seems like [y/n] isn’t drinking tonight,” the person next to you said, pushing your glass of water forward for all to see.

“Do you think we’re a joke, [y/n]? We came to this pub to drink!” another person said.

“Yeah, if you’re not going to drink, then pay for the bill.”

Your heart was racing. Once again, a moment where you wanted to say ‘no’. You needed to say no but just couldn’t.

“Okay, okay!” you gave in.

Everyone cheered.

“Someone, fill a glass for [y/n]!”

Jinjin, sitting across from you, started to pour the contents of a bottle into a shot glass. Of all people, you would not expect him to do this. But when he handed it to you, he gave you a wink while smiling from ear-to-ear. Though you’d only known him for a year now, you knew this meant you could trust him.

Taking a deep breath, you lifted the glass to your lips, tilted your head back and downed its contents.

Water.

It was water.

You laughed to yourself when you realized, but your friends just thought that the ‘alcohol’ was cheering you up.

“That’s right!” the person next to you said, nudging you.

Jinjin filled your glass two more times with water until everyone stopped paying so much attention to you. Then, the two of you stepped out for some air.

“I thought you were trying to help me learn how to say no,” you told Jinjin, who pulled the hood of his hoodie over his head.

He smiled. This boy seriously never stopped smiling at you.

“That was an emergency. I knew it would be hard to say no when everyone was staring at you like that, so I thought I’d give you a hand. Was that so wrong of me?” he asked you, pointing dramatically to himself.

You shook your head, pushing him slightly. He pretended to stumble, making you laugh.

“Just know that if you ever don’t want to do something, you don’t have to do it. Especially when I’m around,” Jinjin said. The hanging lights from the exterior of the pub were making his crescent eyes twinkle.

“I know. You tell me that everyday,” you said, feeling embarrassed. Sometimes Jinjin acted like he was your dad or something.

“And I should. Until you understand that, it’ll still be hard for you to say ‘no’.”

He gently patted the top of your head before heading back inside, leaving you there in the chilly air. But the air didn’t feel so cold anymore, especially after he patted your head like that.

-

“What if left… wuz right and right… wuz lefht?” Jinjin asked, waving his arms around wildly and almost falling over forwards.

“Jinjin please stop walking away from me and just hold onto my shoulder so I can get you home safely,” you whined, chasing after him for the seventh time. 

After getting angry at your friends for trying to slip alcohol into your glass since they realized you’d been drinking water, Jinjin yelled at everyone at the table and declared that anytime anyone made you drink, he’d down the drinks for you instead. Now, you were left with a very drunk Jinjin to carry home.

“If lefht iz right then am I wrong?” Jinjin asked, finally stopping and facing you. 

His knees were bent in a weird way and his small frame looked so adorable in the massive hoodie he was wearing. While he was distracted, you raised his arm and wrapped it around your shoulder, holding him by the waist so he wouldn’t escape.

“Nooooo!” he squealed, squirming and trying to run away again.

“What is your problem?! It’s me, [y/n]! Why do you want to run away so badly?”

“That’s the problem. You’re [y/n] and… when…. When you hold me like thissss… I… get….. Confused!” he suddenly yelled the last word, making you jump.

“Confused? Why?”

Then you realized that your hand was wrapped around his waist.

“What do you mean?” you quietly asked.

“[y/n] I like you! So stop… confuse… confusing me…”

“But Jinjin, I like you too…” you admitted, your heart swelling. 

This man was the only person who made you feel comfortable when you were around him. He had become such a close and dear friend, he was cute as heck and every time he’d pat your head, somehow that was enough to make your heart do a million cartwheels?

“No, no, [y/n]. It’s okay. You can sayyyyyy. No. You can. Ssssay it,” Jinjin grumbled, still continuing to walk along with you.

“But Jinjin, I mean it this time. I really do.”

Jinjin let out a strange gasping sound and then went quiet, leaving you alone with your thoughts while you dragged this man’s heavy body to his apartment.

What was the use in telling him in his drunken state that you liked him, anyway? It’s not like he would remember. Oh, well. At least you knew he liked you back! But how in the world would you bring this up tomorrow…

-

February 14th. The next day was Valentine’s day. You had to confront Jinjin about his drunk confession on Valentine’s day of all days?!?!

You woke up in a seated position, your head resting against a bed frame. Then, you remembered that you had walked Jinjin home last night and he didn’t let you leave, so you had been trapped in his room until you fell asleep.

Beside you, Jinjin was still softly snoring in his white t-shirt, so you got up and tried to make some breakfast. Just after a few minutes though, Jinjin immediately woke up.

“[y/n]? What are you doing here?” he asked in his raspy voice. His low tone made you shiver.

“Do you not remember last night?” you asked, trying to sound confident.

“No… we were out drinking! And those stupid friends of yours were forcing you to drink… Then I drank a lot…. And then?”

“And then?” you urged him.

He didn’t answer.

You sighed in relief. He’s forgotten!

You heard rustling and Jinjin got up and walked to the bathroom. Or at least, that’s what you thought he was doing, but he actually left the house.

When breakfast was ready and you couldn’t find him anywhere, you got concerned and began to call him. No answer.

You sat at the small table outside his kitchen, sighing at the food in front of you. Where had this man left in his pyjamas?

After a few minutes, you heard the doorknob turning and Jinjin walked in… with a whole bouquet of flowers in his hands. Your first reaction was to laugh, because his hair was a mess and his face was so puffy and tired, but this man was holding the prettiest flowers… it was irony in the flesh.

“[y/n],” he said, kicking off his shoes and cutely hobbling over towards you.

“What is it?” you asked, still trying not to laugh.

“I’m sorry that it turned out this way, but… I like you.”

Hearing that just made you laugh even harder - why were you laughing so much today? Just the fact that this man had already confessed yesterday without knowing and was doing it today too… for some reason that was funny.

“You’re laughing?” Jinjin asked, starting to also laugh himself.

“Okay, yes, I know. It’s Valentine’s day and I should have done something better, but when I woke up and you were next to me, there wasn’t much I could do! I had different plans… I was going to confess to you right when I saw you, and I was planning to look nicer than I do now, but-”

“You look great,” you said, your laughter having ceased now. 

“Are you being sarcastic?”

“No, I swear. These flowers are so pretty, too.”

“Did you hear anything I said?”

“Yes, Jinjin. And I heard you yesterday too, when you drunkenly said that you like me.”

“I… said that yesterday?” Jinjin asked, his legs giving out as he fell onto the chair across from you.

“Yes, you did. And… you were really cute,” you said, mumbling the last part.

“Well, what did you say?” Jinjin asked, awaiting your response.

“I…” You froze. It was easier to tell him how you felt last night when he was drunk and out of it, but now you were afraid. 

What was there to be afraid of when Jinjin already liked you?!

You took a deep breath before speaking.

“I said I like you too?”

“Really?” Jinjin asked, standing up and excitedly running around his tiny dorm.

You laughed, watching your senior and now boyfriend yell while the food in front of you continued to get cold. Weirdly enough, even the flowers looked like they were smiling at you.

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 10/8/2021

Hello, it’s me, the slowest person in the world at everything! Gosh, everything was such a slog this week. I think it’s because I was really determined to finish Ch 8 this week, so I would sit down and not really let myself do other things, but at the same time, I really didn’t want to work on it, so I was really dragging one sentence out of me at a time. The good news is that I did, in fact, finish it.

That makes 8 out of (I think) 12 chapters total, so I really am getting there. I feel kinda excited about it, but I’m trying not to feel too excited, because I still have a long way to go. I also feel like I have a lot of little plot elements that I picked up and never concluded, or other things that don’t have enough build up, so I am probably going to have to go back when I’m done and fill in cracks and slap on another coat of paint, so to speak. If you’ve never written a really long story, it really is sort of a marathon, in terms of keeping your enthusiasm going so you don’t burn yourself out or skimp on quality control. When you work on something for a really long time, you just want it to be done so badly. On the other hand, I keep telling myself, you spent so much time on this, it is worth spending just a little more time so that it’s actually good. I personally, love long fanfics, but I always feel like I’m asking a lot of people to read what is essentially a novel.

I don’t even know why this thing is so long. It’s some dinner parties, a old guy you want to punch in the face, a bunch of Squad Six fuckery, Byakuya being angrily soft for his trash children, and a thousand scenes of Rukia and Renji gazing longingly at the other one when they think the other isn’t looking. No one needs 100k words of that, and yet, what is I see here? None of it is even very well developed!! It’s honestly just me, rambling, as usual!! Quite a few of the scenes are completely shoehorned in because I wrote them before I had a plot but I am too enamored of my own voice to ever delete anything.

Speaking of numbers, Ch 8 rang in at a marginally excessive 11,900, for an overall tab of 63,749 (+5,269). 

Usually, I compulsively re-read and tweak stuff I have already written, but I haven’t really been able to stomach that, for some reason. Nevertheless, before  I jump on Ch 9, I think I am gonna try to go back and clean up some of my earlier chapters so I can send them off to beta. Like I said, I feel like they’re gonna need a little more sanding and polishing, but if I don’t get some sort of feedback/encouragement, I’m going to die, so.

Oh, right. I have also been contemplating the idea of posting a few teaser snippets in my weekly updates, in part, to keep my own enthusiasm up. I am estimating that I have 8-10 weeks of work left on this thing, so I could reasonable post a paragraph or two from each chapter if I started next week. Is that something people would be interested in?

Finally, in other things-I-do-slowly news, I am very close to done a very cute piece of art that you will like, depending on how long I futz around with the background. I really like it, it’s just been agonizingly slow going, probably because it’s got, like, 1000 textures. I’m not even doing a real background. I’m ridiculous. I will finish it this week, I promise.

[lilypixels]

...............all of them.....?

It took me an hr to do this....🥲💀

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

Teacupsss

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

Lollipops

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

Uhhh cotton candy

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Probably quiet and smart lol I did my school work and was friendly with everyone so I was a favorite and heard all the nice things 🙈

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

I kinda like bottles more but like the glass ones with the caps that could slice your fingers-

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

I’m for all but sports lol

7. earbuds or headphones?

Earbuds

8. movies or tv shows?

Shows cause I’m the type to watch an hr long episode vs hr long movie idk why but I’m rarely in mood for them

12. name of your favorite playlist?

Drop the beat (ie songs that are upbeat and I like most)

13. lanyard or key ring?

Hmm...I guess lanyard?

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

Skittles or twizzlers

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

I had lots I had to read in school but only ever finished a handful lol my favorite I think was maybe Macbeth? I would say Odyssey but I don’t think we read the full thing cause I remember being disappointed about something like that...

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

Sitting with my legs bent up in seat with me in some way

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

Converse and some nice but cheap sneakers from Walmart

18. ideal weather?

Not too hot, not too cold, mild like before/after a rain (most the time), idc if it’s raining or sunny but as long as temp is comfortable I’m fine

19. sleeping position?

On my side most often

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Phone and notebook

21. obsession from childhood?

Oh gosh uhhh I guess my like of dolls maybe? Or obsession with anything ✨unexplained✨ like ghosts, aliens, cryptids, etc

22. role model?

Kim Namjoon lol just kidding (sorta)

23. strange habits?

Ok I know I have some and my friends would be more than happy to point them all out but hm let me think...idk if these count as habits but I’ll never place a mirror facing a bed (this is more superstitious I guess than habit,,,) I can’t stand my food touching, if I have a tray like in cafeteria I have a certain spot for everything and uh my mind just went blank-

24. favorite crystal?

Moonstone, lapis lazuli, and I feel obligated to say garnet cause it’s my birthstone

25. first song you remember hearing?

Circle of Life maybe who knows xD

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Walk or clean,,I’m more active and about with warm/nice weather

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

...stay inside where it’s warm

28. five songs to describe you?

Not this again😭 uhhh idk you tell me ajdbd

29. best way to bond with you?

Indulge me when I go off about things I like or learn 😔✊ I know I’ll talk your ear off and I’m sorry but know I don’t often talk about these things with people so once I start it’s hard to stop,,and it makes me really happy when people do listen to me about these things and send me related items every so often or even look into it themselves to learn more 🥺

30. places that you find sacred?

For some reason this feels like a trick question...um cemeteries and anything with ages of history I guess

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

Oof do I really have a true outfit?? I have shoes for this which are just black platform sneakers I call stomping shoes

32. top five favorite vines?

I never,,,watched these,,,

33. most used phrase in your phone?

“Yes”...?

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

State Farm and McDonald’s, always

35. average time you fall asleep?

10-11...usually...

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

Uhhh that one with the ginger dude (I think it was someone’s yearbook photo??) I don’t remember much else about the meme but it was on ifunny, or whatever the app was, a lot

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

Suitcase

38. lemonade or tea?

Easy, tea

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

...neither

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

Dude these questions really testing my brain power here- for senior prank someone put cereal in some bathroom sinks I think

41. last person you texted?

My mom

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

I’m gonna say jacket since I wear those often

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

Hoodie or cardigan

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Fantasy

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

Usually whatever shirt I’m wearing that day and some pj/lounge pants 🤷

47. favorite type of cheese?

Mozzarella

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

I-what kind of question is this? How does one even answer this?

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

What comes around goes around lol (yes I’m a heavy believer of karma)

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

Lol who knows, probably something dumb me and my siblings were doing or something we watched cause there’s been plenty times of that xD

51. current stresses?

Homework vs free time e-e

52. favorite font?

I like the gothic looking ones but it’s usually not practical to use so idk

53. what is the current state of your hands?

My hands...? They’re fine ??

54. what did you learn from your first job?

How to care for babies and little kids, how to put on a diaper lol

56. favorite tradition?

I can’t remember a particular one off hand but I’m trying to start few new ones like decorating cookies for Halloween uwu

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

Uhhhhh like personally or...? Cause we’ve overcome homelessness before, um finishing assignments idk😭 oh maybe bullying?? That’s all I can think of since I still struggle with a lot,,

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

Alright let’s do thisss: creativity (mostly in writing sense), I can bake/cook, I have amazing organization skills and many work places have used that lol (bonus is I don’t mind, I actually really enjoy it, very peaceful), surprisingly good balance all things considered, I’m a quick learner

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“I’m too tired for this.”

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

Good question good question🤔 I don’t think I’d last in any of them/have a terrible side character role so 💀

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

“Life’s too short to hold grudges.”

62. seven characters you relate to?

Dude this is gonna get embarrassing I can feel it🤠

Itaru, Iori, Sogo, Belle, Simeon (obey me), Nozaki (he’s clueless about romance irl and doesn’t know when someone has a crush on him yet can write romance well enough and yeah it’s me lol), and uhh Swindler/Ordinary Person in Akudama Drive (still can’t believe no one really has names in that anime but the way she gets wrapped in everything felt like something that’d happen to me lol)

63. five songs that would play in your club?

Like nightclub...? I’m skipping this ajdbd

64. favorite website from your childhood?

Probably the Barbie site, me and my sister played all the dress up games almost daily istg

65. any permanent scars?

Appendectomy scars and then looks like I have one on a toe but it’s possible it still might heal...

66. favorite flower(s)?

Nightshade, foxglove, baby’s breath, bellflowers, roses

67. good luck charms?

I don’t think I have any...

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Lemon

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

Let me think...I read something once about flowers having ears(?) but like not ear ears just something about having a part that picks up sound waves

70. left or right handed?

Right

71. least favorite pattern?

Lolll animal print I think

72. worst subject?

Physics...the worst science

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

6...?

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

I don’t remember, it probably happened when i was 6. I do remember losing one of my front teeth during my birthday one year and I was happy since the tooth had been loose for some time xD

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Chips I guess or just like fried in skillet

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

A succulent probably

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

Neither ew

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

They are both about equally terrible

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Earth

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

Fireflies

82. pc or console?

I am on pc side now

83. writing or drawing?

Writing

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcasts I guess

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Barbie

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Mythology, it’s too fun and chaotic lol

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Hm...cupcakes

87. your greatest fear?

Uh,,,I don’t have many fears but I guess one would be falling from a great height? So I would get scared of crossing a bridge and it collapsing or riding a plane and it falling easily

88. your greatest wish?

World peace🥲

89. who would you put before everyone else?

My mom maybe...?

90. luckiest mistake?

I honestly don’t remember but something I do remember is I out semicolon instead of period and turned out to be correct grammar lol

91. boxes or bags?

Boxes

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Sunlight or fairy lights, I don’t require much either way and prefer more natural lighting

93. nicknames?

Lassie, twinkle toes, Ash, poody butt (by 3 yr old I sometimes watch and play with lol he means it affectionately; I call him monkey butt and it’s catching on slowly instead)

94. favorite season?

Starting to be fall just a little more but I like transition times most

95. favorite app on your phone?

Let’s go with twitter

96. desktop background?

It is a moriarty and gang pic

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

2: mine and my moms

98. favorite historical era?

Ooo tough one but I’ll say renaissance as some of the coolest things came from that time