#i still have lots of projects to focus on bit its okay i can make time for my things :3

[gianttol]

i finished designing a super big personal project of mine recently >:3 i was designing a fully illustrated calendar! and i got it sent off to the printers!

im all exciiited and now have more free time to draw personal things like beth n cherry and gt and omg everything < 3!!

[carmenized-onions]

I Want To. | Wellness Check

logline; Such is life, you go from not being needed at The Bear today to being more needed than you ever have been.

[!!!] series history, this is the fourth; First, Second, Third

portion; 4.7k+

possible allergies; a dash of Tony's former paramedic background (and just medical shit in general) in this one, so, a sprinkle of post-trauma stress (and her usual yikes psyche). Mikey comes up a bit, as usual! despite the ops, we ball.

pairing; Carmen ‘Carmy’ Berzatto & Fem Reader (pretty unavoidably gendered episode, mb non-fem folks)

we'll talk after babe, have a good time w/ this one.

Falling asleep was easy— par for Carmen fighting to keep his 6:30 am alarm on. When he finds out you don’t have a plug on his side of the bed and he has to charge his phone on your side, he turns it off. Cute.

Well, there’s also the part where you had to ask if he was okay because it sounded like he wasn’t breathing and it turns out —He was not breathing— He then pointed out that it sounded like you weren’t breathing —You were not breathing— Both of you thought the sound of your lungs would bother the other, so you opted not to use them at all. Turns out, counterproductive; you notice each other’s absences pretty well.

But besides that, it's easy. Carmen isn’t an awful bedfellow. He’s not super shifty, he doesn’t tug the blanket, he doesn’t roll all the fucking way over to your side, or anything like that. He’s honestly concerningly still. Is he annoyed that you’ve gotta toss and turn a little to get comfortable? Probably. He's probably dreaming of you exploding right now, he’s so annoyed. He didn’t make fun of your ages old build-a-bear plush nor it’s Cubs jersey, so that was nice. Pity, probably.

...If Carmen wasn’t here, he knows he’d be stirring and kicking and probably sleep-walking to his oven to light it on fire. But he is here. Where kicking would hurt. Where stirring would wake you. Where a fire would cause more anxiety than relief because all your plants and projects would die. Where you washed his hair and told him that taking care of people doesn’t feel like a lot of work to you. Was it not a lot of work, to take care of his brother? Was it worth it, to you? Probably not. How could it be?

He wills his body to not fucking move because if he does it's going to ruin everything. He's going to ruin everything.

He wakes up at 6:30 on the dot, alarm or no. He’d be concerned if his body functioned any differently. But he can’t get to his phone while you’re sleeping in his way and you’re so comfortable. You’re clutching a bear that’s undeniably on a losing team and you’re at peace with it. He’s trying not to make a metaphor out of this in his mind; alas, it’s already there. The only thing he can do is go back to sleep and dream about killing the teenage boy in his head before he can escape again and call you pretty.

It's around ten when you wake up, you try not to wake him when you turn to grab your phone, but the split second of motion makes him flinch like he’s about to get jumped. “Relax!” You hiss, but like, soft, whispered. “I’m doin’ the fuckin’ Wordle, not smothering you with a pillow.”

“You do the Wordle?”

“Oh, fuck you—”

“The first fuckin’ thing you do in the morning is the Wordle?”

“And I do the Crossword too, bitch, what of it?”

“…I like Connections.”

“I fuckin' hate Connections.”

“Alright, damn!”

The Chicago accent in both of you is stronger in your rasping morning voices. As is the laughter. You roll onto your stomach to get closer to him and let him see your screen. Neither of you have entirely woken up yet and that means it’s the perfect time to do a puzzle. If you don't focus on this puzzle right now, you fear you will get too comfortable in this idea of domesticity.

“C’s in the right place. Nothin’ else though.”

He’s the one that figures out its Cumin. You pretend not to be mad about this. You’re furious. Of course, it’d be a spice on the day Mr Food Guy sleeps over. Bullshit.

When you finally sit up, stretch, and say, “I’m just gonna shower real quick ‘nd—”

He’s at a breakneck speed to reply, “I’ll make breakfast.”

“Oh, you cook all the fuckin’ time, you don’t have to—”

“I want to.”

You blink, then shrug, the man likes to cook, c’est la vie. “Who am I to refuse?”

He looks far too happy about this, as though he’s won a lottery. A lottery of manual labour. He rolls out of bed, grabbing his back pack stuffed with yesterday’s clothes before leaving you to your own devices. In a literal sense, too, since you get a text. Ugh.

‘Gigi called in, can you reach?’

You would prefer not to reach, but this is capitalism.

‘When's the shift?’

‘6:30 to 12:30’

Why couldn’t something else at The Bear be fuckin’ broken today?

‘yeah i can reach’

‘that’s my girl, red tops today, see u’

You have also won the lottery of manual labour today. Look at you and Carm, luckiest people alive. Something like that. Alright, go shower and be normal about the fact that there’s a Michelin Star Chef making you breakfast in your kitchen. And he’s prett—

“You make your own bread.”

“I do.” You sit at your own little breakfast nook, waiting to be served. Towel hung around your neck post shower. You’d offer to help, but based on his urgency to cook for you, it’s gonna be a no. Plus, the gift on the table you’ve got for him is going to piss him off enough, can't poke this bear too much. He's already given you a mile. Too many idioms.

“I like to think in another universe I am a homesteader who makes her own soaps and renders tallow n’ shit. But I settle for growing basil and making sourdough in my shitty little Chicago apartment for now.”

“I like your apartment.” He hums, though amused. He turns and sets your plate—the one black plate— in front of you with a small smile. This smile immediately falls when he pushes the plate towards you and you push a travel bag of toiletries towards him.

“Fuck is this?”

“I don’t want to hear any complaints, Irish Spring.”

“How d’you know I use Irish Spring?”

“It’s all five of your routine, it’s going to be pungent— Now listen.” You pick up the bag; you’d dug through your sink cabinet and found a dollar store pack of plastic travel bottles, unused from cancelled trips of yesteryear. You've decanted your own products for him. It's fine, you buy jumbo sizes anyways...

“Shampoo, conditioner, face wash—They’ve even got labels.”

He takes the bag from you, setting it down on his side of the counter, begrudgingly. Though he hasn’t particularly paid it much mind, tunnelled on something else entirely, “Do you not like Irish Spring?”

"I didn't give you a body wash, you can still use it for that one purpose."

"Yeah, but do you not like Irish Spring?"

"...I think it's fine."

“Fine?”

“I’m more of an Old Spice fan.”

“You don’t deserve breakfast—” He pulls your plate, you pull it back.

“All I said—” “Thinkin’ I smell like shit—” “Did not say that—!” “Just cause you use the fruity stuff—” “I smell good! Deny that I smell good!” “You smell fine.” “Wowww—Whatever, do the thing.”

“Bruschetta with a breakfast twist.” Ah, that makes him give you the plate back. His kink is explaining food. “Sourdough toasted, topped with fresh basil—”

“Courtesy of me.”

“Courtesy of you, yes. Tomatoes, bacon glazed in balsamic, and you didn’t have parm so I used feta. And then, y’know, over medium egg on top.”

“You’re very good, Carmen.”

“Oh, I—Uh—” You haven’t even tried it yet. You’re telling him he’s good for the sake of the effort he’s given alone. He needs an antacid. “Thank you.”

It’s redundant to say his food is good. But what else can you say? It’s a fucking perfect open face sandwich. But he’s eating it with you, and half of it’s your own handiwork, and all of your pantry, so you leave your praises purely reaction based, unsaid.

You're honestly a little distracted, reading too hard into the act of him giving you the black plate and taking one of your shitty plastic ones for himself. Time to talk.

“Itinerary for today?”

“Gotta talk chaos menu with Syd before opening, then, well, running the restaurant all night… And then I’ll—I’ll go home.”

“Yeah? You can come back here, if you want to.” Thank God you took a bite in time to hide your selfish disappointment. It’s good for him to go home, but then he’s not here. Real Catch-22.

He shakes his head, “I think I’m good now. Thanks, though. What’s—What’s uh, your plans for today?”

“I’m gonna drop you off wherever you’re going, n’ then I’m gonna go shopping for Syd’s gift—”

“It’s her fuckin’ birthday or somethin?” It’s a delight how immediately panicked he is by this. You're also thankful because he's so distracted it means you won't have to tell him the rest of your plans for today. You'd like to keep that life separate. For as long as possible, at least.

“Nono, it’s just, I didn’t get her anything for her opening night and I wanna change that. I’ll get you something too.”

“You don’t have to—”

“I want to.” The very idea of waiting for his response is freaking you the fuck out, so you’re quick to clear your voice and add. “I’ll give you my number, in case you end up needing to crash.”

“Yeah, yeah, okay. Ey, text me your invoice too.”

You take both your cleared plates to the sink, and the lie is swift. You've gotten a lot better at that, in the past year.

“Oh no worries, your sister already covered it.”

It is 6:30 and your life is over. Kidding. Unless? You dropped off Carmen at the train station hours ago and, to use his words, ‘it’s hit’. He’s at The Bear and there’s nothing for you to fix there— So you’re not.

You’ve only been there like three times and yet it started to feel… Like your thing!

Like, like you’d just come in everyday and… Dunno, fix something... But it’s not like they’re gonna have a crisis everyday. Especially not ones that Fak can't handle himself if needed— There's no way he's gonna last at hosting, anyways. You’re now realizing the unrealistic dream— Possibly more unrealistic than homestead you.

Speaking of, Homestead You would probably throw up, if she saw the you you’re looking at in the mirror right now. You look good. Objectively, you know you look good. The mug is stamped. Your pants are black, high-waisted, and give you an ass. The bright red leather corset top is… Chafing, but it looks good! It's a sweetheart neckline so you have to take off your long rope chain necklace from Mikey and shove it in your pocket— Which is fine and doesn't feel bad at all. And listen, listen, being an on-call bottle girl is good money!

And you might get put on bar tonight! You don’t know for sure if you’re gonna have to juggle around lit up bottles for a bunch of fucking geezers!

...

God, fuck, it’s 10:20 and your life is over.

This group of geezers have been fucking annoying and fucking Cherry wouldn’t get off fucking bar even though you literally covered for her last week and these stupid grandpas asked if gratuity is included— No fucking shit! Did you take their card and put a 40% tip? Yeah, maybe. Fuck them! They’re too fucking rich to notice! And they took three hours to leave! Gonna bash this champagne bottle over his bald fucking—

“Ey! That’s a face I remember.”

You hear your name— Not Tony, not Chip, not Cousin. Your name.

You turn to see, oh fucking hell, let God kill you—

“Uncle J!~ Good to see you!~ What a surprise! It’s Jack, here.” Jack of all Trades. It was cute at the time of sign up. Your smile is bright, fake, strained, and beautiful.

“Been too long, really.” Cicero isn’t a bad guy—Correction: Cicero isn’t a bad guy, to you, but as Mikey once put it, he’s a fuckin’ ball buster and in your case, you’re one of the few people beneath him that he asks favours from. Always wants free labour and your expertise. And he always has a habit of asking for favours the second you need one back. But you don’t need one right now! So it’s fine! Everything’s fine!

“Do your Uncle a favour,”—Fully not your Uncle—“Could you pair me and my friends here with a good red?”

You let it go that they’re having fish and asking for a red. Stupid thing to get hung up over right now. You make a commission of it anyways; you just pick the most expensive bottle. He won’t know the difference. The Bear would know the difference. Carmen would notice the difference... Alright, relax.

While pouring glasses, Jimmy whispers to his compatriots and one by one they all peel off. It is almost alarming how quickly this group of men turn and leave without a second thought, taking their glasses with them.

You raise your brows and look at Cicero. “Ah. This is the moment where I sit?”

He nods, gesturing to the booth. “This is the moment where you sit.”

You slip into the booth, sitting across from him. “What do you need?”

“Right to the point with you.”

“I hate suspense.” You shrug.

“You liked Mikey.”

What the fuck?

You bite your inner cheek, hard. “Don’t say that shit.”

“I liked him too,” He says it solemnly, like your mutual grief is a proper apology. He takes a long sip of his stupid red wine. “Did you hear? Cousin Vinnie and Mira are gettin’ hitched, finally.”

“I have no fucking idea who Vinnie and Mira are.” You take the glass when he hands it to you, taking a sip. Small. You gotta drive home, after all.

“Really? It’s a big wedding—Destination too, in New York—”

“I hate to remind you, but I was friends with Mikey, not his family.” Not his biological one, at least. The Beef, sure. But you literally only met his siblings two days ago. “What’s a wedding gotta do with me?”

He bristles, and finally cuts it short. “Around three hundred guests, seven-hour shift, open bar—” “Oh, for fuckssake—” “Listen—”

“It’s an easy gig, I’ll fly you out for it, it’s a month and a half away, you’ll get to attend a big fuckin’ Italian wedding— Which will be a shitshow, certainly, so free entertainment; and Michelin Star level catering, kind of.”

You squint. Kind of? “You got Carmy in on this shit?”

“You know ‘em?”

You nod, pressing your elbows on the table, “We’ve recently become acquainted. What d’you got on him for him to cater a wedding?”

“He’s eight-hundred grand in the hole.” “Fuck!” “He gets thirty off for catering. Smart boy, said yes.”

Christ, you massage the bridge of your brow with one hand and pull out your phone with another to check your calendar, you might as well see if you can even entertain the idea. You don’t need a favour right now, maybe you can bargain and get him to actually pay you for it, this time.

“I dunno, Uncle J…”

Oh.

28 unread texts from Syd.

3 unread texts from an unknown number— Probably Carmen.

9 missed calls from Syd.

Uncle Jimmy, always, always, has a fucking way, of asking for a favour when you need one…

You slam your phone, screen down on the table, straightening your posture in your seat. “I have demands.”

He motions for you to continue, taking his wine glass back. “You always do.”

“You and your friends are gonna tip a hundred percent tonight.”

“That why you give me a 2016 Fisher?”

“I like to think ahead.”

“Smart girl.” He shrugs, palms of his hands out. Which means yes.

“If Uncle Lee comes up to the bar I’m throwing a fork at him and leaping over the counter.”

He chuckles, “Thought you 'didn’t know family'.”

“I remember what I'm told.”

His amusement fades quickly, remembering first hand. He nods. “…You’re allowed to jump him if I’m watching first.”

“And you’re friends with my boss, right?”

“We’re acquainted.”

“I’m gonna punch out now and you’re gonna smooth that out for me.”

He perks up, amused, glancing at your phone, “Somethin’ come up, Chip?”

“Don’t call me Chip.” He wants to poke at you, just a little bit more, but there’s a rattled look in your eyes that he’s so rarely seen that he lets it go.

He waves his hand, shrugging, “Be safe. I'll send you the details. December wedding, remember.”

At the end of the day, Cicero isn’t a bad guy to you, someone who loved his nephew as much as he did.

You’re running to your car while you dial back Syd. You don’t have time to read the texts, all you need to know is that it’s an emergency. She picks up just after the first ring.

“Syd what the—” “Code blue!”

You almost fall on your face and eat asphalt. For a flash, you’re in the back of an ambulance being handed a defibrillator at the age of 22, surrounded by faces just as scared and young as you. Then you’re back in the parking lot, slotting the key into your car door because the fob doesn’t work. It’s never worked.

“S-Someone’s having a fucking heart attack!?”

“What?!”

“That’s what fucking code blue means!”

“Oh my god! Sorry! No, I was just saying the thing that scares doctors the most!”

“Yeah, I’m fuckin’ scared Syd!” You slide into the driver’s seat and slam your car door shut. You take a deep breath, white knuckling the steering wheel. “…I’m-I'm sorry for yelling! Where are you, what’s going on?”

“The—The Bear, the restaurant.” The second you have a location you’re revving off.

“Nat locked herself in the office—” “Like trapped?” This shit again?

“No, no— Like she locked herself in— She did this like two hours ago and I thought she was just taking a breather— But we’ve closed and, and like almost everyone left and she’s still not coming out— And she blocked the door inside— and— And I think she’s trying to hide that she’s basically shrieking in pain every five minutes.”

You take a long time to register anything she’s just said. Her tone is as panicked as you feel on the inside. You’re only now registering the ambient yelling of Richie and Carmen in the background.

“…Did—Can you hear me?”

“Yeah, yeah Syd, I’m just thinking.” You don’t step on the gas on purpose, it just happens. “A pregnant woman is screaming in pain— in intervals— behind a blockaded door?”

“Yeah, I know.”

“Have you called an ambulance?”

There’s a much more distinct yell in the background from Richie, “No cops!”

Then from Carmen, “No coverage!”

“Yeah…” Syd shakily continues for them, “The insurance is a problem, and Richie said— Motherfucker—” You hear a muffled scrap over the phone before Richie continues on for Syd.

“Er, yeah, Cousin, Sugar keeps yelling that she’s fine ‘n blocked the door, if we call the cops they’re gonna ram that shit down and take her to the loony bin.”

“That’s not— That’s not what paramedics do.”

“That’s what they all do.”

“Richie, y’know, I was a paramedic, right?”

“…You a fuckin’ fed, Chip?”

“Richie, if I was a fuckin' narc you would be in prison by now. I, I— I'll be there in like, like eight minutes, everyone stop fucking yelling at Sugar!”

You’re there in four. You almost rear end someone and you run every yellow you get but you’re there in four. You don’t park properly in the back, you just drive your car in and turn it off in the middle of the lot. You don’t bother to be let in, you just punch the code in as you remember it. As Natalie told you.

“Oh good you—Oh my, God?” Syd is no better than a man in this moment, going from grateful for your presence to being one intrusive thought away from whistling.

You did not have time to change out of your ...outfit and someone has been hogging your Carhartt. You pass Syd quickly, waving a hand in front of her face. Goddammit, why do your boot heels have to have that incredibly satisfying femme fatale click right now?

“Alright— Relax—”

“Holy shit, Chippy!” Richie was yelling at Sugar through the door along with Carm, but once alerted to your presence is now snapping his fingers. You'd describe him more as impressed than actually attracted to you. “You clean up!”

 “Cousin, are you—” He grabs Carmen’s face, turning it to you— Carmen does of course, immediately slap Richie’s hand away which of course, means they just start smacking each other's hands. Like preteen girls. “Ey, get the fuck off—” “I just want you to look at a pretty girl, Cousin—!” “Stop fuckin’ touchin’ me!” “Are you looking!?” “I—”

“Everyone shut the fuck up!”

You silence the room. You’re thankful most of the staff has left by now since it’s well after close. It's just Carmen, Syd, Richie, Tina, and Fak for some goddamn reason...You can't be mean you're handymen, you have to stick together.

“I look different from the usual jumpsuit, yes, we get it, can we move on? Pregnant woman?”

Syd is the first to speak, “…Were you on a date, though?”

You blink and roll your eyes all at once, twisting your head to her, “Syd—”

“It’s good to see you getting out there, baby.” Tina, deeply unhelpful in this moment, puts a hand around your shoulder. Oh to have a mother’s judgment when she’s not even your mother.

“O-kay!” You drag on the ‘kay’, clapping your hands together, “Everyone, just get your thoughts out in the next five seconds and then we’re moving on.”

“Chippy, I cannot believe you’ve held this out on me—” “—I meant it like-like a concerned, did we interrupt your date—” “—The red is unbelievable on you, Cousin!” “I need you to teach me how you do your makeup—” “Can you— can you yell again—?” “Fak!” “Oh, so that’s too much?”

A cacophony, it continues on. Your eyes glaze over, and you’re waiting for Sugar to let out a scream so everyone remembers the fucking point of being here. But then you look at Carmen. Everyone’s pivoted from staring at you to yelling at each other. But Carmen; Carmen is still looking at you. Stupid soft scary eye contact. And his voice is so much quieter than the yelling but it’s the thing that you hear anyways.

“It looks tight.”

There’s a possibility that when you killed the teenage girl inside you that you also killed the feminist. Because there’s a small sub-sect of you that’s upset that he’s not objectifying you right now. That his vision is focused on you. Not the changes. He doesn’t seem to look at you any differently than when you’re wearing a jumpsuit and utility belt, covered in toilet water. This should not be annoying and yet it is.

“It is.”

He nods, eye contact unshifting, unblinking, “You wanna change?”

“Maybe after we find out whether or not your sister is in labour.”

He nods. He takes a second but he nods.

You approach him, rather, the door, knocking gently. Everyone quiets down.

You clear your throat, and once more, the persona is put on, you’re a paramedic, putting on that soft but firm reassuring authoritative tone. “E-M Rescue, I got a call for a wellness check on Natalie Berzatto?”

“Tony—” A groan of pain behind the door, “I am perfectly well! Everyone go home!”

You grimace, you motion with your hand for Fak to hand you a screwdriver— He keeps one in his breast-pocket, even when wearing a suit. Hey, you should start doing that.

“Nat, I’m a paramedic— Or I was—will you please let me in?”

“I don’t— Fuck! —Need a paramedic!”

“Never hurts to do a check-up, Nat.” You speak calmly, like you always did. “Listen, lover, if you don’t open the door, I’m gonna have to take it off its hinges, and we're gonna lose medic patient confidentiality.”

When she doesn’t reply after a good beat, you start to unscrew the top hinge; she can hear it, “Wait, wait, wait— Fuck-Fuck— I’m opening it!”

There’s another series of pained groans as she exerts herself to open the door, and once she does, it’s only by a crack, to look at you and you alone. She’s absolutely been crying. She speaks in a whispered tone. “Just you.”

You nod, handing the screwdriver back to Fak without breaking eye contact with her. “Just me.”

She cracks it open just enough for you to come in. And so, you do. Everyone is, for the first time, too worried about her shutting down to interrupt or yell a complaint.

You close the door behind you, pressing your back to it. You note the toppled over chair by your feet that she must’ve blocked it with. Plus the puddle of amniotic fluid beneath her. Oh fuck.

...

“You wanna talk or do you just want me to check your contractions?”

“I’m—” She shakes her head, covering her face. She half sits on the desk. “I’m fucking— I am not ready for this.”

“Yeah.” You nod. You’re not here to convince anyone they’re ready to be a fucking mother. But you’re here to listen, certainly.

“She’s gonna hate me.”

“Who?”

“Her—!” Her voice is choked, another contraction. You’re silently taking the time in your head. She points to her stomach.

“And— And we just opened, and— And I’m gonna have to go on maternity leave, which is the last fucking thing we need and— and— If I could just fucking keep her in!”

“Natalie.” You put a hand on her shoulder, she finally looks at you. “This is happening.”

“Not help—fu—ll.”

“I know it’s not. This is scary and there are no take backs—” “Very unhelp—”

“Nat, your daughter wants to meet you.”

You squeeze her shoulder; she looks like she’s gonna cry all over again for a completely different reason. “She probably won’t hate you. Who’s to say. But I know you’ll love her. And that’s enough, isn’t it?”

She nods, emphatically, but something is still bothering her. You squeeze her shoulder again. You whisper, so even if everyone’s ear is pressed to the door— Which you doubt, she’s screaming after all, they won’t hear.

“Carmen will still know you love him, even when you're not here.”

She immediately goes for a hug, you reciprocate with a shuddered ease. She sniffs, head on your shoulder. She stays there for a while before letting you go, nodding. “Okay.”

You hand her the tissue box next to her on the table, she takes it thankfully, crushing it in her hand. Another contraction. Oh, that couldn't have been more than 2 minutes. Oh fuck.

You kneel down in front of her, and you’re simply no longer in your body as a person but just the paramedic. You could not be more thankful that she’s wearing a dress today. Awkward requests of spreading legs and pulling off underwear aside, Natalie’s daughter does in fact really want to meet her. Oh fuck.

You look up at Natalie, between her knees, you speak cool, professional. “You’re crowning. This is gonna have to happen here. I'll have someone call your husband.”

You’re so calm that it doesn’t give Natalie the feeling or need to freak out, she just breathes. “Okay. Okay.”

You stand upright. “Do you prefer this office or somewhere else?”

“I can’t— Move.”

“Makes sense. Makes total sense. Okay. I’ll go get everything we need, I’ll be right back. I might send some people in, okay, love?”

She just grunts in reply, nodding, now that she’s not in as much emotional pain, she can entirely focus on her brutalizing physical pain.

“Oh, hey, I know—” You grab her purse, pulling out her phone and ear buds, handing them to her with haste, your calm demeanour is faltering just a bit. “Listen to some music, loud, y’know, chill…” You put the pods in her ear for her. She’s again, in too much pain to tell you to fuck off, and just plays her music loud.

You softly open the door, smiling just a bit too much as you leave, and very softly close the door behind you. Looking at the motley crew before you, your persona immediately falls apart. You really only wanted her to play music so you could scream. “Oh, my fucking God.”

“What’s happening, she good?” What a sweet, stupid brother, Sugar has.

You purse your lips together, eyes wide, shaking your head. “She’s going to give birth in like— Maybe six minutes. Max ten.” Everyone goes to speak in an uproar of panic, and then you slap yourself in the face. Hard. That stuns them silent.

“Alright!” You press your hands over your eyes, “Tina!”

She’s been around this block before, “What do you need?”

“Can you go sit in there with her? Tell her all the breathing exercises and shit? Keep her calm? Coming from you it won’t seem so—”

“Condescending as fuck?”

“Yes, exactly, can you?”

“Gotchu, baby.” She claps your shoulder when she walks past and into the office.

You clap hers in tandem, “Thank you, Mama—Okay, Richie!”

“Yeah?”

“I’m gonna need you to call Nat’s husband—”

“Why do I—”

“Because you’re a fuckin’ dad, Rich, and he will need you!” You’re yelling all pissed, snapping your fingers at him, but he does light up when you say it like that. “I don’t care if he wets his fuckin’ bed, tell him to get here!”

He salutes, walking off, “Aye aye, Cap’n Chip.”

You shake off the sting in your hand, God, you really did slap yourself too hard. You turn to the next targets. “Syd, Fak.”

Syd responds hesitantly for the both of them, since Fak is silently enjoying your colonel persona a little too much. “…Yes, C-Captain?”

“I need towels, a lot of clean towels— cloth ones, like sanitized clean— Warm half in water— And then I need a clean sheet— A table cloth or something, I don’t fucking care, something clean and big that you’re fine destroying. I need sterile sheaths, Syd you get those— Other than that, however they get to me, I don’t give a shit— Just scrub in before you touch anything!”

They almost knock into each other the way they run so fast. You yell after them. “Get the big sheet first, she needs to lay down!”

“Yes, Chef!”

You take a deep breath before moving your gaze onto Carmy. The screaming lead EM in you melts off your shoulders, just for the second.

He asks before you can even say anything, “Yes, Chef?”

“I need you to scrub in and get me gloves and an apron—” “On it, Chef—” “And you’re gonna sit in with me for the birth of your niece.”

He cringes, not to refuse, but just the mounting reality of the situation is dawning on him. His sister is going to give birth to his niece in their shared office of his high-class restaurant within it's first week of open.

But you then tag on, “Carmy, she needs you— Frankly, I’m not the one giving birth but fuckin' I need you. T-There.”

He softens instantly, like tranquilizing— Well, a bear.

“Yes, Chef.”

I know the opening probably feels so far away by now, but i do want to note that Breakfast Bruschetta is my own recipe that I used to make like every fuckin' day pre-employment. It's so goddamn good. I highly recommend it, babes. It's balsamic with brown sugar dissolved, btw, Carmy's just a quick explainer.

I wrote like a solid 75% of the labour sequence before deciding it just needed to have the breathing room of it's own chapter, so until next time for that one bbs. But I'm excited for it! And also dreading it! A lot of hard conversations combined with giving birth = nightmare to write, but well worth it, i think. Speaking of: I don't believe at the end of Season 2 that Sugar is at the end of her term of 36 weeks, but in our case here, she is. I'm very much so not interested in a very scary premature birth for our girl!! She's okay!! Dw!! I just wonked with time a little, hope that's okay.

And hey, look at that reveal! Bartender/Sommelier was code for bottle service-- Which is a very respectable career, btw, don't get it twisted-- I was critiquing it only in the way I would critique literally any other job: Misery Under Capitalism. And now we've got that fuckin' wedding in the future midst! Ah!!

Anyways please send me your thoughts ad nauseam, I reload my activity feed every 3 seconds to see what you guys are thinking. If you reblog, tell me what you think in the tags!! Yell at me in the replies!! Send an anon in!! I don't bite, I swear <3

Next Part

[pansyfemme]

jude + he/him + twenty

art account: @fagboyfriend

music recs/indie pop uploads blog: @upforabit

i'm a trans, queer, and disabled art student, diehard indie-popper, colorfreak and amateur tboy appriciator from the east coast. i post about music and comics and art and my boyfriendddddd💖💖💖 and all my other favorite topics with frequency.

testimonals from real life jude pansyfemme friends on why i’m epic and you should follow me:

“jude is one of the sweetest people to ever grace this planet and one sexy motherfucker” - M, jude’s number one coffee shop buddy

“he’s just a little guy” - L, jude tolerator (and fan) since 2022

“you’re legally not allowed to be mean to him” - F, jude’s bestie for life maybe

“1# boyfriend. in the world. 💖” - you can probably guess this one

follow at ur own risk, i do not tag and i reblog nudity, sex jokes, discussions of kink or other things generally considered nsfw <3

putting a short faq under cut bc. i get the same questions a lot. check it before you ask about my icon or header or anything

faq:

Art blog/Commissions? @fagboyfriend is the blog. dm me and i can send you my professional portfolio site/organized portfolio/past commission work if you’re interested in commissions. closed for a little bit since im moving into college atm but still hmu if you have interest in originals ive posted or have a project you dont mind a few months waitlist on <3

How long have you been on T/How long have you been transitioning? I came out at 12 years old, started blockers at 14 and HRT later that same year, and had top surgery at 17, making me 5.5 years on t and 3 years post op, and transitioning/out for about eight years.

What’s your tagging system?/What does this tag mean? #Jude pansyfem irl is for selfies and ootds. #songposting is my now retired method for posting song links. (all new song links are now at @upforabit) #echo is the name of my boyfriend, it’s posts that remind me of him, my interactions with him, etc. (that tag is very lovey-dovey and really just for him to look through) other than that i don’t usually tag. you can expect untagged nudity and sex, at this point you have been warned twice so dont get on my ass about it 👍 my blog my rules

What show/game/comic is your icon from? its a cropped version of the album cover of the 1999 album “shake the pounce” by vancouver based twee pop band Gaze. It’s a favorite album of mine as well as just a cool little guy i like a lot

Where is your header from? a painting i did in gouache a year or two ago and thought would make a nifty header.

How do I refer to you/How do you identify? I’m a queer femme transgender man. I use he/him pronouns and masculine terms. i like many genders, i’m strictly t4t and primarily interested in men though. i enjoy femme/gnc gender presentation, but i do not identify as anything other than a binary ftm transgender person. I do not use they/them and have not at any point in recent history. referring to me as such is misgendering/degendering and will probably get you blocked like any other misgendering.

What compliments are okay? most are okay, masc or fem. so pretty, handsome, all thats good 👍 i am a taken man tho so if you flirt with me hard or dm me looking for pics or something you prob wont get much of a response.

What style are you wearing/where do you get your clothes? I originally identified as a decora boy, but i kinda do my own thing these days. I like bright color and clashing patterns and maximallism. I shop a variety of places, but a lot of my stuff is from Kei Collective and Candy Trap. All of my kandi and most of my jewlery is homemade.

What is Twee/Do you Make Music? Twee is a music genre I developed a special interest in a few years back. It's a style of indie pop that originated after the UK rise of the famous c86 compilation tape in the late eighties, and was developed with a focus on low-fidelity, diy sound combined with upbeat, bubblegum-y pop sentiments and a naive, childlike outlook. It's both cute and somewhat rough around the edges. I do not make music, and don’t hold any musical skill. I’m just a major fan.

Do you have a DNI? I haven't in a long time, due to it being pretty frequently ignored and my following count growing to the point i can't really control that anymore. I can and will block people, but i feel my opinions are made fairly clear through what I post here.

[kenzirr]

The BAU team gathered in the conference room, their faces a mixture of excitement and curiosity. Spencer Reid, standing in the center, shifted nervously from foot to foot, glancing at his teammates.

"Okay, Reid," Morgan began, crossing his arms. "Tonight's a big night. You've got a date with Y/N, and we want to make sure you don't overwhelm her."

JJ chimed in, smiling encouragingly. "We know you love sharing your knowledge, but try to keep the trivia to a minimum, okay?"

Garcia nodded vigorously. "Just focus on getting to know her. Ask questions, listen, and maybe save the facts for later."

Spencer frowned slightly. "But what if she asks about something I know a lot about? Shouldn't I share what I know?"

Hotch stepped forward, placing a reassuring hand on Spencer's shoulder. "Just remember, balance is key. It's great to share your interests, but make sure it's a two-way conversation."

"Got it," Spencer replied, though he still looked a bit uncertain.

Later that evening, Spencer stood outside Y/N's door, taking a deep breath before ringing the bell. When she answered, her bright smile immediately put him at ease.

"Hi, Spencer," Y/N greeted, stepping out and locking the door behind her. "Ready for dinner?"

"Yes," Spencer replied, offering his arm. "Shall we?"

As they walked to the car, Spencer couldn't help but start talking. "Did you know that the probability of two people having the same birthday in a group of 23 is over 50%? It's called the birthday paradox."

Y/N laughed lightly. "Really? That's fascinating."

Encouraged by her response, Spencer continued. "And the restaurant we're going to has a unique history. It was built in 1925 and originally served as a speakeasy during Prohibition."

Throughout the evening, Spencer shared more of his "weird" facts. As they perused the menu, he launched into another. "Did you know that the Caesar salad was actually invented in Tijuana, Mexico, by an Italian-American restaurateur named Caesar Cardini in 1924?"

Y/N's eyes widened. "I had no idea! That's such an interesting fact."

When their appetizers arrived, Spencer pointed out an item on the table. "These oysters are fascinating. Oysters can actually change gender, and they often do so multiple times throughout their lives."

Y/N looked at her plate, then back at Spencer, clearly intrigued. "That's incredible. I never knew that."

Spencer smiled, feeling more at ease. "And did you know that honey is the only food that doesn't spoil? Archaeologists have found pots of honey in ancient Egyptian tombs that are over 3,000 years old and still perfectly edible."

As they enjoyed their main course, Spencer continued with another fact. "The restaurant we're in was part of a historical preservation project. It retains most of its original architecture, which includes elements from the Beaux-Arts movement, characterized by its grandeur and elaborate details."

Y/N looked around, appreciating the intricate designs on the ceiling. "It’s beautiful. You really know a lot about everything, don’t you, Spencer?"

Spencer chuckled nervously. "I just find these things interesting. Did you know that octopuses have three hearts? Two pump blood to the gills, while the third pumps it to the rest of the body."

Y/N smiled, clearly enjoying the conversation. "That's so interesting! Did you know that sloths can hold their breath longer than dolphins? They can stay underwater for up to 40 minutes."

Spencer's eyes lit up. "I didn't know that! That's amazing."

As they finished their meal and waited for dessert, Spencer shared one more fact. "And speaking of interesting creatures, did you know that a group of flamingos is called a 'flamboyance'? It's one of my favorite collective nouns."

Y/N laughed, a genuine and delighted sound. "I love that. You're full of surprises, Spencer. And did you know that a bolt of lightning contains enough energy to toast 100,000 slices of bread?"

By the time he walked her back to her door, Spencer felt like he'd shared a part of himself he'd always been hesitant to reveal. Y/N turned to him, smiling warmly.

"I had a wonderful time tonight, Spencer," she said. "I'd love to do this again."

"Me too," Spencer replied, his heart racing. "Thank you for listening to my facts. I know they can be a bit much."

Y/N shook her head. "Not at all. They're part of what makes you unique, and I wouldn't change a thing."

She leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips, a brief but sweet gesture that left Spencer blushing and smiling.

The next morning, Spencer walked into the BAU office, a noticeable spring in his step. The team looked up as he approached, their curiosity evident.

"So, how'd it go, pretty boy?" Morgan asked, grinning.

Spencer beamed. "It was amazing. Y/N loved my facts. We talked about everything from the birthday paradox to the history of the restaurant. She even shared some of her own facts. Did you know that sloths can hold their breath longer than dolphins? They can stay underwater for up to 40 minutes!"

Garcia clapped her hands together. "Oh, that's wonderful! I knew she'd appreciate your unique charm."

JJ smiled. "I'm so glad to hear it went well, Spencer. It sounds like you both had a great time."

Hotch nodded approvingly. "It sounds like you found someone who appreciates you for who you are."

Spencer nodded, his face glowing with happiness. "And when I dropped her off, she kissed me. It was... perfect."

The team exchanged pleased looks, and Morgan gave Spencer a pat on the back. "Sounds like a keeper, Reid. We're happy for you."

As Spencer settled into his desk, he couldn't help but replay the evening in his mind.

[ssparksflyy]

hii, this is my first time requesting and I’m not very good with English, so I’m a bit nervous but, I read the Leo Valdez x daughter of Athena and I loved it! So could I request for some general headcanons for Leo Valdez x daughter of Athena? Totally okay if you don’t have time or anything!

thank you so much 💗💗🥰

ask and thou shall receive ༉‧₊˚.

leo valdez dating hcs ! ° ༘⋆₊˚ෆ

pairing: leo valdez x daughter of athena!reader warning(s): none!! a/n: hii! tysm for requesting! i hope u enjoyed this, i love writing leo w a child of athena cause i can finally talk abt his smarts !!

nerd alert!!

its ok tho cause you guys are always able to help each other out when u have an issue with wtv ur working on

leo asks u for advice and ur opinions whenever hes working on a project

i feel like leo would be popular bcs he's a mf social butterfly

which means he knows everything abt everyone

that's why his hair is so big, its full of secrets

so while ur mapping out a plan for the next capture the flag game, you'll ask him if he thinks your plan could work based on how well people know each other

like ur not gonna put 2 ppl with beef by each other, cause then they'll end up fighting each other and not focus on the game

yk? yk.

ur smarts definitely compliment each other, and ut always trying to learn more about each other's interests

leo's definitely picked up some books in ancient greek about battle techniques and architecture

as have you on mechanical engineering

sometimes at the end of the day, when ur laying on the couch in bunker nine together, he'll ask you questions on architecture, just to hear u talk about things ur passionate about

he just loves seeing ur eyes light up and adores the way you practically talk with your hands as well

call me maybe crazy

but

athena would actually kinda like him ?!

she doesnt appreciate his constant jokes

but she thinks hes smart ( bcs he is ) and knows he makes u happy

hephaestus also rlly likes you

he likes anybody who shows his kids love lowkey

which means he likes you extra

if u were ever to get married, leo would 100% make your engagment ring, but hephaestus would me the one who would make you two the most beautiful wedding rings

its his way of showing he cares as a father

all of cabin 9 loves you

i feel like cabin 6 and 9 (omg 69) were already good friends, so they were ecstatic when they heard their fav mfs finally got together

i feel like in the flirting era it was a lot of spending time together, but just being unable to confess your feelings

now you still spend a bunch of time together, but dont rely on longing glaces and lingering touches

leo is the touchiest mf we all know this

but when u touch him?? the boy is in shambles

this sound a little strange but i promise i dont mean it like that

like yea he loves holding ur hand and kissing your knuckles

but when you kiss his knuckles?? hes a flustered mess

when he cups your cheek and you kiss the palm of his hand, he goes craaazzzyyyy

bouncing off the walls nd everything

he loves it when you tell him random little facts nd shit

ur literally his google

his go-to when he has a question

hes super proud of his smart gf ok ??

leo and percy actually get closer when you start dating

cause now they can both obsessively talk abt their genius gfs

and theyve evolved from the "my gf is smarter" "no my gf is smarter" fights

you and annabeth used to find their fights funny tho

annabeth is literally so supportive :))

she trusts leo and knows he makes you happy and has also obvi noticed how u light up his world

she still plays a semi-protective big sister role

like if shes leo getting a little to close, she'll shoot him one of her warning looks, and he'll move a little further away

but other than that she literally loves u guys :)

morse code is used quite often with you two

especially at night, when you dont want to break the comfortable silence, so you tap messages onto each other's backs.

or when your in a crowded room

or when your talking shit

before you met leo, you had only known a little bit of morse code but as you became closer, he taught you more nd more ♡

he loves it when you read to him

ur like his personal podcast

when you finsh reading a book together, u both write reviews about the book and have them all in a little notebook ♡

leo is for sure the type of guy to take pictures of you 24/7, 365

he has his all time favs taped up by his bunk in cabin nine and ofc has some of his bulletin board in bunker nine

he has the rest saved in a box, along with a bunch of other trinkets from dates u went on :))

you have a box like this yourself, filled with pictures of him, trinkets, and metal flowers he's made you ♡♡

oh and you for sure have a spot

you stumbled acrosss it while on your way to bunker nine and showed it to leo immediately

its a small clearing in the trees, where the sun shines through the leaves, and theres a small patch of flowers ♡

u have most of ur dates there, it ur special little place

leo is literally ur most perfect scholar bf fr ♡

a/n pt.2 : heyyy, i hope u enjoyed these hcs!! im trying out hair rollers overnight rn so its a little hard 2 lay down but we will manage! also heres a leo x child of athena moodboard that i did for my event :) anyway, have a good day/night!!

peace from manhattan,

percy jackson ♡

[casinoroyale]

Hi everyone!! Theseus cquackity viceduo zombur revivebur here.

This blog has seen several hiatuses (my bad seriously my bad), and bouts of irregular posting. So I'm sure people who regularly check it have noticed that we (Fiona @quackbur and I) haven't been posting daily anymore and haven't for a bit now. So below the cut I'm gonna talk more about that, and our plans for this blog going forward

For starters, I love roleplaying on this blog so much, as does my cohost Fiona @quackbur. Fiona has done so, so much writing for this and I feel kind of bad for taking her credit over the past two or so years, so props to her for being such a good sport and for everything she's done. This blog wouldn't exist without the shared passion she had for it.

To get sappy, I love the friends I've made in bedrockverse, they remain some of my best and closest companions. I would not trade the times I've spent with them for the world. Beau, Holly & co, Met & Co, and Thunderbottles are some of the loveliest, most supportive, and insanely talented people I have ever had the pleasure of writing with and meeting.

This includes people who aren't part of the bedrockverse that I've written with!! Shoutout to Javi anonymous-jey casino-duckling, TGM the-g-m duckofthelaw, and AD anonymous-dentist therealnoodleman. It was so much fun bringing all the quackverses together, and I respect all of you so much as writers.

AND that also includes EVERYONE who has interacted with her!!!!!!!!!! Everyone who has sent asks (thank you so much, sorry we're terrible at replying), reblogged threads, commented, posted/liveblogged, DREW FAN ART (BLOWS OUR MINDS. THERE'S BEEN SO MUCH INCREDIBLE ART CREATED, WE CANNOT THANK ALL OF YOU ENOUGH), even just liked a thread, thank you. Seriously, it has meant a lot to us to be part of this community, and have so many people enjoy this blog. Insert Pitbull image happy you enjoyed.

So, going forward it would make us really happy if you all pictured casinoroyale as happy. He has songbird-sunrise, goofygoop, and a nation full of citizens that she loves. She babysits for tubbolul and latenightmining, and terrorizes rp!emduo not infrequently. All we really wanted was to bring c!quackity to a happy place and I feel we've done that. Of course he still has shit days, as a ptsd baddie, but the good days are more common. And if we never get to it (though I hope someday we do, maybe in the form of a collaborative one-shot or fic) know that casinoroyale and songbird-sunrise DO eventually get [REDACTED]. And one of them DOES get [REDACTED]. That was always the plan! Yay! [REDACTED]!

Not to say that we don't have more arcs planned for this blog, because we do! I just don't know when/if/how they'll ever get written, especially because a lot of my friends have moved on from their rp blogs as well. But I really do still feel happy with where he's at and happy with everything I've done. This is a project I'm really, really proud of and I will always look back on fondly.

None of this means that I'm not interested in c!Quackity or DSMP as a whole anymore, either. Actually that couldn't be further from the truth. But now I'd like to be able to focus on fics, and other forms of writing, which I've been doing more recently :D actually, you can read a short one shot I posted for exile's anniversary HERE

If you've made it this far into this long, sappy post, THANKS!!!!!! The TLDR; this blog is on an indefinite hiatus, and won't be returning to its formal glory, and that's okay. We had a really good run. Now, off we go to other things

[wordfather]

snad how do i get back into writing

i usually just go outside and look around for a while. fall in love a little bit with how the trees are moving and the flower thats growing out of the sidewalk and the grey hue of the clouds and the way fresh air feels in my lungs. i try not to think for a while. no music no screens. just me. (i believe the pros call this a grounding exercise. i just call it me time. its more fun that way)

then i go inside and write about it or whatever else comes to mind – and i try not to make a big deal out of it. if i treat writing like a huge deal, i get discouraged when its not perfect. so i let my writing breathe and be as imperfect as it wants to be. i let it be 10 words or 10.000 words, it doesn't matter – as long as it gets to be there.

rinse and repeat until it becomes a part of your life. just like making coffee or tying your shoelaces or whatever else is a gentle part of your life. you dont even have to go outside if you dont feel like it – you can also just look out the window or look at the ceiling or look to your right or look to your left. as long as you breathe deeply and find something you can find words about, it works.

dont pressure yourself to write a lot or write for a whole hour (unless that works for you). as long as you write something – you're writing. if you need goals, start simple. write 50 words today. and if thats too easy, a 100. 200. whatever works for you!

and when you're comfortable with it, it becomes easier. you can start projects. fanfiction or short stories or a whole book – whatever feels right to you. editing and plotting can be daunting but there are many resources online to use as guides!

its cool to lose yourself in it too – i spent 4 hours the other day furiously writing because i got really inspired. but its okay to also not be inspired and write 1 word and be done for the day, thats cool too. i just wrote 'chapter 2' yesterday and browsed pinterest for an hour. its still something! and today i wrote this post! and maybe i'll do some editing! dont let lack of words bring you down – there's always another day tomorrow.

bonus: whenever i dont know what to write, i like to focus on the senses. drink tea and write about the warmth and taste of it. feel different fabrics with your fingers and describe them. write about your heartbeat, in anyway that feels right in the moment. (looking up prompts sometimes overwhelms me, so i like to look around and just find something i could write a sentence about) dont worry about it not making sense or being interesting – just let the words out. and if you want something more, look up prompts! there's always a bunch to find! i've recently been using prompts from @creativepromptsforwriting !

anyways tldr; just breathe, find something simple and find words about it. let it be imperfect (you can always edit it later if you want to). ease writing into your life. set easy goals. pat yourself on the back. focus on the senses or look up prompts. and most importantly of all – do it for you. perfection doesnt exist but you do and you have the freedom to write whatever the hell you want.

also pinterest fucking rules. go on pinterest.

[deusvervewrites]

Genome AU:

I like this au a lot and have been rotating it in my head for a bit now. specifically how the whole clone project gets revealed - in one of the asks, you mention that AFO/the doctor likely aren't actively scheming with it in mind, and given that it was canned approximately 10-15 years ago by the time canon rolls around and only a few clones were kept, the fact that the clone kids are then old enough to possibly be in UA would probably have not occurred to them.

But. while the project may not be on their minds, it most definitely had to have some sort of records of it taking place. the first thought that i had was that maybe the doctor kept notes/records of the process, along with files for specific clones, their "parents," where they were kept, and possibly even when or why they were dropped.

If those files didn't exist, whether due not being made in the first place or being lost/destroyed, there would most likely be suspicious holes in the clone kid's paperwork, or at least an absence of any record of former/possible parents. If i remember correctly, some of the nomu project was done inside/connected to the AFO orphanages - so if that was discovered, and the investigators noticed the link between the UA students who came from them and their lack of early life records, then a DNA test could be ordered and reveal their odd parentage. The whole "clone" thing would be more of a running theory than a definitively proven fact, but oh well.

Okay so im still thinking about this. Basically a continuation from my last ask about this. back to the clone project records - for this reveal to even come about, there would have to be a further investigation into the nomus/the doctor's work specifically, rather than just the broader lov. Im not sure if there were any given dates/approximate timeframes for the nomu project in canon, and i don't know for sure if the doctors work had any appearances in vigilantes that would date the creation of nomus/similar things to being active earlier than in the main series, but from what i can remember about the reaction to the USJ is that nomus and similar don't seem to have been encountered and thus recorded before its appearance at the USJ. (it also doesnt seem like people react to the idea of bioengineered weapons made from the corpses of missing people as like. a main concern and it was kind of brushed off in favor of focusing on shigaraki, which i get that he is far more important in the long run but was the entire task force really like "eh, whatever" about the fucked up frakenstein things???) take this with a grain of salt bc i havent reread this specific part in a while. But in this au, the doctor's work clearly goes back pretty damn far. they were advanced enough to make viable clones from multiple sources of DNA, and while the project was technically a failure, there would have been a lot more research into the mixing of quirks that could be repurposed for the nomu project, which would then have at least 10-15 years before canon to develop, possibly even more if it was running next to the original clone project while the latter was winding down in its last years. So. My thought was that if the project had far more time to develop, then the nomus used in canon would likely be far more powerful by the time the heros catch on to their existence, possibly matching the high-end nomus. Because of this, they'd be even more of a problem than in canon. The investigating heros would then dedicate a second team to focus on the origin of the nomus, eventually clueing them in to its predecessor in the clone project. Okay last ask bc i should sleep. still connected to my previous two but mercifully shorter. my bad for occasionally dropping huge asks onto your blog sometimes i have more thoughts than i thought i had. Anyways i think it would be fucked up if one of the clone kids was put onto the investigation team that dug up the files.

We do know that the Noumu specifically were canonically a recent development because the main antagonist of Vigilantes was the thing AFO tried before moving on to the Noumu project (specifically because of how Vigilantes played out for him), but I'm not sure whether that's the case here. (And, yes, Kurogiri was already around in Vigilantes)

The Noumu being stronger makes sense, considering what I have cooked up with the few clones that AFO kept, and they've also adapted the Noumu technology back to the clones for implanting new Quirks, so it all ties together for Garaki.

Finding records about that makes sense

[lol-jackles]

Hello, I’m sorry if this gets a bit long. I’ll try to edit it down once I’m done

So, I’m not saying this to downplay its importance to fans or Jared’s truly wanting to help people, but Jared was also very smart to come out with the Always Keep Fighting campaign, no? I could be talking out of my ass I this, because I wasn’t in the fandom at the time, but as well as being brave to share his anxiety/depression with fans, it also seems smart to share it on his own terms before it could be used against him. I think I’ve read on your blog that actors with MHI are often considered a liability to a production because if they “lose it” or walk off of the project, the higher ups are screwed. But, by Jared volunteering his personal information to the huge SPN fan base (and I assume some amount of press coverage), isn’t this a good way the give himself a bit of insurance? If his bosses are starting to think he looks expendable, they can’t now act on any desire to get rid of him without him or even his fans being able to turn around and call them out for discrimination.

I’m not saying these thoughts were the reason for AKF but do you think Jared had the foresight to sort of protect himself with the campaign as well, or was it all risk for him?.

I’m asking this because I read your recent response on possible reasons Jensen isn’t as sought after as Jared post SPN, despite being the clear favourite of some crew on the show.

Jared must have an amazing reputation to overcome the possible mental health stigma, and the fact that some SPN crew seem to blatantly favour Jensen (Wanek, Phil Segricia, Bib Singer, etc).

On a side note: who on the production crew do you think favoured, or even just backed Jared over Jensen? Or treated them equally even?

Okay, this was a lot. But I’d be interested in seeing your insight on any of this (I know you’ll pick what you would prefer to focus on) because from what I can tell, you really do have a pretty good read on what was likely going on behind the scenes.

I think you’re on the right track because it was also my first gut reaction the moment the Variety article came out. For Jared to come out when his career is still hot is pretty telling, normally actor don’t admit to mental illness until their career is drying up.  It’s one less thing he has to hide and therefore one less leverage others BTS can’t use against or hold over him.   

"I wasn’t in the fandom at the time"

During the early season there were rumors circulating that Jared was always late to the set. My first thought was, "They're setting him up to have a difficult reputation". It's producer tactic 101, put out fake news that the actor is a diva who is always late and if the actor doesn't toe the line, escalate it to "difficult actor" so that the studio is not the bad guy if the actor suddenly leaves. 7 years later we find out that Jared was looking to break his contract, so the producer(s) were preparing to make him the fall guy. Once Jared stayed on, the "late to the set" rumor immediately evaporated.

I bring this up because it ties into our speculation that Jared's decision to out himself for mental illness was at least partly motivated by removing a leverage against him BTS.

It was also the right time because he proved that as the principal lead of the longest continuous genre series in America, he's not a risk because filming schedule was never disrupted, which costs a lot of money. Even when he had a breakdown on set in season 3, he still finished out the season. His subsequent breakdown after season 10 could have derailed that, but he returned for season 11 and again lead the show through it's rating resurgence. Impressed, CBS arrived two years later at his doorstep with a holding deal.

"On a side note: who on the production crew do you think favoured, or even just backed Jared over Jensen?"

My immediate thought was Jeremy Carver. He was not in favor of the season 10 Dean-centric arc that Robert Singer and Jensen were angling for, and even tried to head off their campaign during Comic Con prior to season 9. His wife is currently the showrunner of Walker. There's also writer Adam Glass, I'm not sure why but he just vibed being all about Jared.

ETA: thanks to others' reminder, I would also add Sera Gamble. I can't believe I didn't immediatley thought of her as she's one of my favorite writers.

[welcome-to-green-hills]

Okay so I’m a bit confused about what’s going on and where people are getting information from. I’m asking you because I trust you. Is sonic 3 filming soon? When is it done? I’ve seen a few Instagram accounts say that it’ll be released this year. Is sonics voice actor coming bback? Is Jim coming back? I know that’s a lot to dump on you but I’m just so confused

Hello-Hello darlin’!❤️✨

Listen, it’s perfectly okay. I can 100% understand the confusion that’s been going around lately on this film. It may feel overwhelming, but worry. I can explain it to you to the best of my ability. Part of the reason for me taking so long with this post was due to finding the correct sources to each claim (as well as checking them for consistency).

To make it short, sweet, and simple, I’ve answered your questions in little subcategories.

Is Sonic 3 Still Happening?

Yes! The film is in the “Blue Sky” stages. This means that the story is still in its planning phase, but we can expect the script to be done by mid-2023. Concept art and storyboard drafting are usually done in this time as well. (SOURCE). What I can share is that storyboard artist Douglas Olsen has been drafting Sonic 3’s scene since November (SOURCE).

Just know that Sonic 3 will be wild and fun and you will cry (SOURCE).

Is the Knuckles Series still happening?

If it helps, I believe that it is still a project that could happen. There has yet to be anything online (interviews, news articles, and tweets) that implies that the series is not happening.

A while back, it was stated that the writers would like to incorporate elements of Sonic 3 into the Knuckles Series (SOURCE). Since the interview, there has been a lack of information on the series’ update. As of now, we can still expect the series to come out on 2023 (SOURCE). Idris Elba will voice Knuckles in the miniseries (SOURCE).

When Is It Done?

I’m afraid that I don’t necessarily understand this question. Do you mean when the film releases? If so, it releases December 20th, 2024. If you mean filming, then I cannot provide an answer. We do not have an exact date as of yet when filming for Sonic 3 will begin.

I’ve seen a few Instagram accounts say that it’ll be released this year (2023).

Between you and me, I would not trust Instagram accounts that claim to be a “daily/weekly update” on the film’s progress. Accounts like THIS are notorious for spreading misinformation. That, and they don’t supply the sources in which they make their claim with. It’s just clickbait. Also, do watermark all of your Sonic 3 art if possible. Some accounts on Instagram have been reuploading fanart—without consent—and implying that it’s official.

If you are looking for trustworthy sources that tackle Sonic-Related news, I highly recommend following @movie-robotnik-positivity , @tailschannel , and @aawesomepenguin . They will be the most reliable sources to follow when it comes to movie updates. If and for any comic updates of SCU, I’d also recommend following @idwsonicnews as well. (Tagged so that readers can follow these accounts. DM me if you wish for me to remove the mention).

And with that, we can conclude that the film’s release date is still December 24th, 2024.

Is sonics voice actor coming back?

I believe so! Ben has been vocal on how Sonic 3 will be “insane” and how he wishes to include some improved lines.

Is Jim coming back?

I wish that I had a stronger answer to provide you, but I don’t. This is one has yet to be determined. Back in 2022, Mr. Carrey explained that he would consider returning as “Dr. Robotnik” if the script for Sonic 3 was good (SOURCE). If Mr. Carrey does not desire to return, Josh and Pat have stated that Dr. Robotnik will not be recasted (SOURCE). The focus will be directed on other existing Sonic characters.

Is Sonic 3 doing an Sonic Adventure 2 (SA2) Adaptation?

I do not believe that Sonic 3 will be an exact copy of SA 2. Pat Casey and Josh Miller have expressed that the film could take heavy inspiration of SA2 and Shadow the Hedgehog (2005) for the story, but I do not think that it will be an exact copy (SOURCE).

I say “heavy inspiration” because it’s how it’s been for Sonic 1 and 2. The past films took elements of previous games to tell their story.

Who is voicing “Shadow?”

At this moment in time, an actor has yet to be announced. We can potentially expect an actor much later in 2023. Giant Freaking Robot has made a news article in the past saying that it would be Jason Momoa. This is not the case. I would stay clear of GFR since they have a reputation of spreading misinformation as well. Know that a “big name actor” has been chosen to voice Shadow in the film… and that the SCU crew is waiting for the actor to confirm that he still wants the role (SOURCE).

Can we expect AmyRose, Rouge, and/or Big?

I wish that I could provide a stronger answer for this one. As of now, we do not know if either of the three will make an appearance in the third film. The writers stated that as well at the Klamath Comicon event in 2022. What we can conclude is that the writers are fans of each three. Pat and Josh have expressed that they are big—ha!—fans of Big the Cat (SOURCE) and do like Rouge’s character (SOURCE). In a synopsis released in late 2022, it was implied that Amy and Big would make an appearance, but proved to be fake (SOURCE).

As of now, I’m afraid that it is a waiting game. I can completely understand the excitement for Sonic 3. I’m very excited! Just like it was with Sonic 2, we must be careful with where we get our information from and look for consistency. I do hope that this helped with a couple of your questions! If you have any more, don’t hesitate to ask!

[dichromaticdyke]

Brendon Small’s Galaktikon and Metalocalypse

before i start, i want to thank @eternallyblight and @mariaclarareincarnate for bringing the potential connections between the “Murmaider” trilogy and Galaktikon to my attention. this post exists because of you both. this was also brought to you by too much caffeine. click here to enable me.

contains spoilers for all of Metalocalypse, including Army of the Doomstar. if you'd prefer to read on Google Docs, you can find that here.

Introduction

okay, my loves. Brendon Small’s Galaktikon.

here’s the thing—going into this analysis, i gave myself two rules: one, anything Brendon Small has said specifically about Galaktikon and its relationship to mtl does not matter. i didn’t even look up if he had said anything regarding it for that exact reason. i take a very death of the author approach when it comes to literary analysis, and that’s not because i think authors’ opinions don’t matter. i do, and i think it is important that we know what authors’ intentions were when it comes to their works. however, an author’s intentions also don’t matter once that work is out in the public. because in order for a text to continue to move and evolve once it has been published, readers need to continue to interpret it. if we focus solely on the author’s interpretations, that limits our own creative analysis and criticism, making the text stagnant. any analysis is valid, even if it isn’t what an author intended, so long as it’s not in direct contradiction with the text. that’s why i hate posts that are like, “you think the text is about x but it’s ACTUALLY about y.” if x isn’t a direct contradiction of y, then it can be about both.

secondly, because of all this, when i first started listening to Galaktikon and reading the lyrics for this post, i had this idea that i was going to keep it completely separate from mtl. yes, Brendon Small made both projects, yes there are common themes between the two, yes it’s impossible to listen to Galaktikon without hearing Nathan or Pickles or Ishnifus Meaddle. but i’m of the opinion that, if Galaktikon were directly related to mtl in any way, it would have mtl or Dethklok branding.

so—i’m looking at this from the perspective that Galaktikon, unlike the Murmaider trilogy (read my post analyzing those songs if you haven’t yet, this post serves as a continuation of it), is not important to understanding mtl or its lore. however, all this being said, i can’t deny that the parallels do still exist, that there are still common themes shared between the two projects. and that’s why this post is so long—i’m breaking down both the Galaktikon albums and pointing out the parallels between that story and the Murmaider trilogy. i have been told Galaktikon II’s story was Brendon’s original plan for the mtl finale, so i’ll look at parallels between that and AotD as well [note from the future: i wrote that before actually starting to analyze Galaktikon II! wow!! i underestimated everything!!! the sleeper has awakened!!!!]. but that’s what these are—cinematic parallels. it’s like, when you look at The Doomstar Requiem and Ishnifus Meaddle was killed and hung on a crucifix. that’s a parallel to jesus christ, but that doesn’t mean Ishnifus was jesus christ, or even this universe’s equivalent. no, that was Nathan.

hope that all makes sense.

another important thing: my dears, if you’ve read either of my previous song analysis posts, you’ll know i like to break down the entire song, get full context for symbolism and themes before analyzing. however, that’s just not going to be practical here. instead, i’m going to primarily summarize the stories presented in each song, with sparse lyrical citations where i feel necessary, and analyze from there. the lyrics are taken from Metal Archives. a lot of the primary summaries will be a bit redundant, especially if you’re familiar with the Galaktikon albums and stories, so try to at the very least make note of every time i use a pin emoji (📌)—those are the most important parts to my analysis. and final disclaimer, this is based solely off the music. i look at the Galaktikon briefly for small references, but it doesn’t matter to me.

sorry for the longest prologue in the world. let’s get started. pin count: 0

The Story of Galaktikon I

Triton

we begin with our protagonist (whom i'll be calling Triton since that's his name in the comics) racing through space, passing several star systems, constellations, galaxies along his way:

serpantis [sic] sextonis [sic] sersinus [sic] delphinus orion octonus [sic] andromeda poseidon

despite misspellings (thanks Metal Archives) these are all real areas of space that exist in our world: Serpentis, Sextans, Circinus, Delphinus, Orion, Octantis, Andromeda, and Poseidon. those last two i want to note right off the bat. Andromeda, which mtl fans will recognize andromeda as a reoccurring theme in the show, and Poseidon, which could either be referring to the NASA satellite or it could just be the greek name for the planet Neptune. i’m inclined to believe the latter at this point in time. but we’ll come back to both of these when it comes time for the analysis. for now, enjoy this: 📌 actually, we need two of those. 📌

Triton is unwillingly stepping into his role as protector of the universe, now that the gods have seemingly disappeared. Triton then speaks to someone who seems to be similar to him: someone who is

indestructible he is a man with god like [sic] strength the faster [he] flies the stronger he becomes

i would be inclined to believe this was just a pov-shift, but the following lines tell me that these are two different characters:

yes I must fly on gonna fly away cause you're gonna fly on too anyway

for the time being, i’ll refer to this other character as Triton’s rival (this is temporary don't worry).

the song ends with Triton looking to get out of where he is and get advice for his ongoing mission.

Prophecy of the Lazer Witch

this song is from the point of view of the titular Witch (Phyllis). she’s telling Triton that this “Black Love" (Lizyra) he referred to in the previous song is in danger and “will be abducted in dreams.” Phyllis tells Triton to let this all play out, que será será.

Phyllis also warns Triton of “a Beast [Beastblade] on a mountain” who is hiding his malicious intent so that he can manipulate Triton. Beastblade wants Triton’s power, and he wants to become immortal. Triton angrily leaves Phyllis, unwilling to believe her.

Beastblade

this song is from the point of view of Beastblade (duh lol). he is on the hunt and has just killed something (or someone). he then speaks about a “her,” someone he wants to claim. it seems though that he’s not interested in her specifically, but instead he just wants her to hurt someone else:

I'll own her I'll rule her it's over and I promise you that I'll take away the things that you trust the things that you love I'll find a way to share all my pain with you it's so easy for me she's so vulnerable

he’s talking to Triton here, in my opinion, and that’s where it becomes clear that Triton’s rival and Beastblade are the same being. so this “her” he’s referring to is Lizyra. this gives us a total of four characters.

Deathwaltz

BEASTBLADE IS MAKING THE MOVES ON LIZYRA AND IT GIVES MY DYKE ASS THE ICK. “my god I’m so into you” go to THERAPY. [i wrote this line before reading the comic and wee that there actually is therapy in this world, i'm literally so fucking smart.]

definitely comes off like he’s just gonna charm her, but she’s not into it, so the manipulation starts :) he clearly wants to try to make it seem like this was her choice, but he’s. very transparent in his intentions:

i can read your thoughts you're mind's made up you know you've got no will you're mine to break it's your chance you better take it now

Truth Orb and the Kill Pool

the toxic gossip train is pulling into the station (reference that will age poorly, i’m sure). word around the galaxy is Beastblade and Lizyra are getting it on. Triton is totally fine guys he’s totally fine with it. he’s fine. this is fine. he’s fine.

anyway once he’s done being a jealous idiot, he realizes she’s in danger, obviously, but saving her would put him in danger too! cry me a fucking river.

this whole section is here is fascinating to me

your identity is known kill the deity right now it's moving forward will no one help her she's begging screaming they just stand there you know it's gonna get darker you know that a storm will brew you know you're gonna lose everything how can you do it when you know she wouldn't do it for you

so…Triton knows what he has to do. he had to save her, he has to kill Beastbladethe Beast, no one else can do it. but he’s terrified, and he’s also convinced that she wouldn’t do the same for him. whether this is because of his jealousy or because his feelings for her were always one-sided, i don’t know yet. but, see this? 📌 i’m jabbing this through this section. here’s a few more: 📌 📌 📌 we’re gonna fucking need those.

You Can’t Run Away

Beastblade is now taunting Triton. he’s trying to manipulate him, put him “under [his] control,” by telling him that he’s stalking him, he knows everything about him, he has Lizyra. but at the same time, if Triton wants to put an end to it, he’d be risking his life and Lizyra’s. [edit: the comics show that this is mostly Beastblade taunting Lizyra. close enough, doesn’t change much.]

Arena War of the Immortal Masters

this song could be from both Triton’s or Beastblade’s pov. i’m honestly not sure—both, maybe? it doesn’t matter, it’s just about them finally meeting and getting ready to engage in this epic battle.

Dangertits

this song is instrumental. so, why am i even bringing it up? i don’t know. maybe the song title is funny. maybe because Brendon has a habit of giving characters names that are just [noun]-[body part]. 📌 

On My Way

look at what the first fucking verse of this song is:

And now poseidon is dead and i spread black love like fire and i have killed all desires i am a machine

POSEIDON. Beastblade was Poseidon this whole time. Brendon Small, you really got me, thinking in that first song that Poseidon was another space reference. no, it was just the god of the sea, no big deal. except that this actually didn’t answer anything, take this: 📌

anyway, now Triton is all fucked up. he won the battle, but at the cost of most of his physical form, becoming part machine. he also now has this reputation of being a hero, and others want his services—

apparently now I'm needed and none of the warnings heeded now I'm in this too because of you.

he’s haunted by the ghosts of this adventure, Beastblade and Lizyra, and it’s taking an immense mental toll on him:

who will i battle this time is it the beast or she i can't believe I'm still learning that I'm my worst enemy every time.

and the song ends with Triton saying goodbye to Lizyra and moving on from this. almost like Lizyra didn’t mean to him what he thought she meant. 📌

———

and that, my dears, is the story of Galaktikon I. pin count: 9

Galaktikon II: Become the Storm

Some Days Are for Dying

we’re starting off swinging boys—bloody star in the sky threatening the planet. but Triton really doesn’t want to deal with this end of the world nonsense, doesn’t even feel like he can do anything to help.

The power of my words They mean fucking nothing

he’s unsure of who to trust, only knows he has to drown Beastblade.

The planet will be drowned in a sea of cosmic metal

[deep breath in, deep breath out] 📌📌📌

Icarus Six Sixty Six 📌📌

now this one is fairly standard all around. Triton is flying his ship through space. his ship starts to break down, so he lands, calls his ship mother 📌, and, well…

fasten the cable The speakers check out And the AMP is able Stereo stereo 📌

anyway he gets his ship back working again and heads out.

The Agenda

a voice is speaking to Triton. or, maybe not our protagonist? they are telling him that they understand him when no one else does, that all his friends hate him. 📌 the voice suggests that Triton turn away from his friends and his duty, manipulating him with dreams of grandeur.

The Ocean Galaktik

more voices, my loves! this time it’s sea creature voices ooohh. not even gonna pin this one, we all know. we ALL KNOW. the majority of this song is just expressing the aesthetic of having visions of underwater friends, so let’s look at the actually juicy part:

Though we all must die we don't all live See the world below reform Speak the words and call the storm In this waking dream I feel a pulse I see a heart of steel and gears that move Just like a clock Bodies on the ocean floor fade away Replaced by the queen of this fantasy The voice of this god has revealed herself I bow unto the beast queen alive (And she said) We are the sky We are now the dust from the stars We are the rain We own the light I'm ready to serve my planet now

my loves, do you even need me to analyze this? i’m asking this in earnest—am i wasting your time alongside mine? truly, what are we doing on this earth. oops, all pins 📌📌📌📌

My Name Is Murder 📌

tone shift, darlings. now we’re doing some fun killing. this person we’re following almost certainly isn’t Triton. not just because this story seems to be a continuation of “The Agenda” as opposed to “The Ocean Galaktik,” it would be a wild shift from “let’s help the planet” to “hey let’s kill.” for now let’s just refer to them as the Traitor.

anyway, hey let’s kill. we get word of blasphemers and false gods. this character is told by…someone….to just kill as many fuckers as possible. they are also very much aware that their actions are going to shock everyone, that this is a betrayal. 📌 

Become the Storm

The army destroyed now Yet we still survive

damn that’s crazy i’m running out of pins so you don’t get one here.

anyway Triton and his friends have barely survived this betrayal and now they gotta figure something else out.

Fuse the elements With thunder and lightning Become the storm

they are willing to die to defeat Beastblade at this point, pushing him from the land to the water. they still don’t consider themselves soldiers though, just people achieving their destiny.

Nightmare

whoever this is now (i’m unsure at this point [edit from the future: I KNOW NOW], feels like it is most likely the Traitor) laments their current state. they used to be something else, something better than this, but they have fallen so far. they say they’re not Mephistopheles but others think they are. huh okay 📌 they call themselves the darkness that Triton feels, they are

half of what i used to be 📌

and they say that they will wait and see how their life unfolds.

Could This Be the End

climax time! Triton and his allies are about to stand off against Beastblade.

i forgot to mention the falcon imagery in this fucking album and in mtl but this is TOO LONG YOU DON’T GET ANY OF THAT.

ANYWAY

The star is getting nearer Spin the wheel It's a coffin for them all Make them kneel Submit or be gone

it’s getting to the point where it seems as though they might not win this fight. Triton and his allies (THERE’S APPARENTLY FIVE OF THEM WOW OKAY COOL) are going to be sacrificed for Beastblade to gain his ultimate power, and they have accepted their fates. 📌 

To Kill a God

Triton and his allies are going to continue this fight, no matter what. using the power of the ice, snow, and ocean, they start to surround the beast. 📌 Triton is referred to as a warlock. the sky opens so that Beastblade can ascend.

Exitus

they’re gonna drown Beastblade out of the Traitor GUYS 📌 i know y’all already knew this i was so late to the Galaktikon party.

anyway, the seek to drown Beastblade even if it could mean death. they drown out Beastblade, fighting to make sure the Traitor doesn’t die.

And now we stand here believers A pentagram of black faith And now we pity the demons And now we march forth that way Our darkened ship will sail on now our flag will fly in display And we own our strength now And with our sword we will reign

they’ve managed to defeat Beastblade, and they are alive. the five of them. black faith. etc. 📌 📌

Rebuilding a Planet

this is an instrumental song. so…they rebuild their planet after it survived the war with Beastblade.

———

wow. Galaktikon II is really fucking familiar ISN’T IT.

pin count: 31

Bonus

Ghosthorse

this i just wanted to include because wow Brendon Small is a horse girl isn’t he.

Analysis

my loves. i feel insane. this is less of a fully formed analysis and more of rambles regarding all the moments i felt were significant.

let’s start by taking each of these pins out, one by one, song by song, and see where it leads us.

“Triton” (2 pins)

these pins are for the mentions of both Andromeda and Poseidon.

to make a long story short, Andromeda’s mother brags that she [it’s actually unclear if this is referring to Andromeda or her mother] is more beautiful than the sea nymphs (known as nereids) and Poseidon doesn't like that. he floods Andromeda’s and her family’s home island and sends a sea monster (Cetus) to ravage the island. Cetus won’t be sated until Andromeda is sacrificed to him, so her dad chains her up naked as a sacrifice until Perseus (an iconic hero figure who shows up a LOT in greek mythology) kills Cetus and rescues her. that’s her story. so, when the figure of Andromeda has shown up in mtl, it’s been in two very important contexts: one, she was the namesake of the song Dethklok had to write on the spot when they were abducted in season 4, and it played while a harem of dozens of abducted women escaped and killed all their captors; two, she was ALSO the namesake for the new deepest part of the ocean where dethklok recorded the majority of their album with Abigail (Andromeda’s Crevice). so in mtl, we see Andromeda associated both with women escaping captivity and with water—this matches her original myth fairly well. as for in Galaktikon, this is likely just a reference to the real life andromeda galaxy, but pointing out this specific galaxy when Brendon has had a history of referencing the Andromeda myth is significant. oh, one other small thing: uh, Andromeda references seem to go hand-in-hand with Abigail, don’t they? they appear in both her introductory episode and the episode wherein she (inadvertently, not her fault, i’m not blaming her in any way) drives a rift between Nathan and Pickles, and the rest of Dethklok in tandem. again, as i first alluded to in the prequel, i don’t think Abigail is meant to be a direct analog to Andromeda—that just doesn’t work. but the connections to the water and being used as bait/a sacrifice for something they had nothing to do with are pretty clear links. i have more i can say about Andromeda specifically, but that will have to wait for my full breakdown of Dethklok’s entire discography. but regarding Galaktikon specifically, that’s pretty much all to say.

as for the Poseidon connection, this could be as simple as a reference to the water god—Brendon used the more recognizable term Poseidon to specifically reference divinity, as opposed to the term Neptune which is more commonly associated with the planet. in my “Murmaider” trilogy analysis, i hypothesize that the water god of the mtl universe is Salacia. so that would be the parallel, too. but i also mentioned the NASA satellite Poseidon. guess what guys. guess what this fucking satellite is for. IT’S FOR MEASURING THE TOPOGRAPHY OF EARTH’S OCEANS. (this will also come up later in my full analysis of Dethklok’s discography, which probably won’t come till 2024, sorry.) SO, regardless of what Brendon was intending for this Poseidon mention to be alluding to, it all comes back to the goddamn water.

“Truth Orb and the Kill Pool” (4 pins)

Lizyraso, let’s start with the obvious—for the most part, Triton is a parallel to Nathan, Lizyra is a parallel to Abigail, and Beastblade is a parallel to Salacia. the first thing i point out in this song is the rumor that Lizyra and Beastblade are hooking up, when in reality, he had abducted her. this doesn’t line up exactly in mtl, as in mtl, Abigail is abducted by Magnus and the Revengencers, and there aren’t any rumors about any elicit affairs (thank GOD). however, this is why i didn’t want to make any explicit statements of which Galaktikon characters are analogs for which mtl characters. because Galaktikon, the first album anyway, is more interested in the typical dynamic of a male hero having to save his female love interest from the Big Bad.

because even though Abigail IS someone Nathan is concerned with saving, she was never important to it. if anything, she was just additional insurance on the off-chance Toki wasn’t enough. but Toki WAS enough. Nathan shows concern for Abigail for like ten seconds because she’s not there to suck his dick, but the rest of the narrative focus is on Toki. i’m not gonna get into how fucked that is, it’s not important right now. but that’s where the parallels between Beastblade and Magnus and Toki and Lizyra start manifesting—Magnus manipulates Toki into trusting him. so Lizyra can represent both Abigail and Toki, just not both of them at the same time; same with Beastblade representing both Salacia and Magnus, but not both at the same time.

Brendon also fucks with the typical “man save woman love interest” narrative in Galaktikon. as far as we can tell, Triton and Lizyra are not actually romantically involved. [edit: they were, but the comics begin with them literally getting divorced.] he likes her, but it’s completely one-sided. and that mirrors Nathan and Abigail, for sure. but you know what else i think about when i look at this song, specifically the lyrics i isolated earlier?

[William:] “Because if that were me in there, none of you would come to save me anyhow.” [Nathan:] “You’re out of your mind. Because if that were you inside, I’d use every breath and risk my life for you.” all i can think of during this song are, of course, the first act of The Doomstar Requiem when Dethklok are just fucking around and refusing to help save Toki and Abigail because of their own fears (despite the fact that the anxiety about those two being kidnapped are clearly affecting them), but then William. William being so convinced that his family wouldn’t risk their lives to save his the way they’re doing so for his sister. “you know it's gonna get darker / you know that a storm will brew / you know you're gonna lose everything / how can you do it when you know she wouldn't / do it for you” in this moment, i don’t see Triton as Nathan—i see him as William, angry and scared and insecure about his own place in the band. Nathan does tell him he’s wrong, but i’m sure that William isn’t buying it at first, both because he’s slowly being possessed by Salacia and because all those insecurities are still present come AotD.

all this to say, Triton is anxious about his relationship with Lizyra, and this draws two parallels back to mtl—Nathan and Abigail, and William and the rest of the band.

“Dangertits” (1 pin)

hey remember how i said i was just bringing this up because Brendon has a bad habit of naming characters [noun]-[body part]? and remember how this song takes place in between the protagonist finally going in to face off against the beast and the victory? you know what else happens in between a moment of self-doubt and the ultimate climax? the fucking scene on the roof with Murderface. just another fun parallel, that’s all. just thought it worth pointing out.

“On My Way” (2 pins)

so, this song confirms that Beastblade was Poseidon—or at least, a god of the sea. that would absolutely prove my Murmaider theory if it weren’t for the fact that in Galaktikon I, Beastbladeis primarily a parallel to MAGNUS NOT SALACIA. so i don’t take it as proof of anything, except a further connection of water gods being villains in Brendon’s works.

the other thing here is the ending. Triton and Lizyra are separated, and Triton cyborg-core now. this foreshadows Nathan’s and Abigail’s “breakup,” but obviously only in hindsight, since the ending of The Doomstar Requiem initially implied that they were in a real relationship now (thank GOD THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN, I CAN’T STRESS THAT ENOUGH). but Triton is left with so much self-doubt, still imagining he’ll have to face off against Beastblade or even Lizyra. and, again, this foreshadows AotD with Beastblade taking the form of Salacia and Lizyra being, well…Abigail, in a sense. but…also Dethklok as a whole. but we’ll be right back with that soon.

so, Galaktikon I parallels The Doomstar Requiem pretty clearly. Galaktikon’s narrative is a bit more straight forward for sure, and it’s missing some crucial parts in DSR, such as the separation from Charles, the Depths of Humanity and broke musicians sequence, etc. but again, that’s to be expected—these are two different stories just with similar narrative beats.

anyway, Galaktikon II made me wonder if i should even bother making this post since it’s so goddamn obvious. but i made a promise that i would look into it, so…let’s go.

“Some Days Are for Dying” (3 pins)

the bloody star is the doomstar, moving on.

Triton is very clearly a parallel to Nathan here i won’t even beat around the bush—Brendon even performs most of the songs about the protagonist with death growls, what can i fucking say (this is gonna be important later). Triton doesn’t want to be a hero anymore, and he’s incredibly insecure of his own abilities.

just like Nathan, Triton knows that he has to use the power behind his words to stop Beastblade. because if he doesn’t, metal will melt the earth.

“Icarus Six Sixty Six” (4 pins)

before we even get INTO THE LYRICS OF THIS SONG i have two things to say.

Icarus. another Greek mythological figure. he and his dad were imprisoned on and island, and they came up with the plan to make themselves wings to fly off the island. they made the wings out of wax and feathers, and they worked. Icarus’s dad was like, “yeah this works but they’re still wax so don’t be an idiot.” his dad escaped, but Icarus was too busy enjoying flying that he flew too high—he got too close to the sun, and the heat melted the wax, and he fucking died. so here, when we see Triton flying around in space, there’s the risk that he too will get so carried away by his power that he leads to his own downfall.

six sixty six. 666. the number of the beast, according to the Bible. uh-oh guess Beastbladeis still here.

this one isn’t important, just Triton associating his ship with the concept of motherhood. where have i seen that before? oh yeah; Pickles being the Dethklok mother and also being depicted as a pilot in MULTIPLE instances—piloting the hover drums in “Rehabklok,” piloting the “Hatredcopter” (along with Nathan), piloting the ship in the music video for “The Galaxy,” and, of course, piloting the dethjet in AotD (“Toki be a good boy and go bring mommy his scotch, i got this”).

and then Triton gets his ship working again by reconnecting some cables, checking the speakers and the amp…in AotD, those are being used to connect the speaker to project the Song of Salvation to the rest of the world. again, it’s not a one-to-one parallel, but it does reinforce, yet again, the theme of music being used by the protagonists in Brendon’s works as their own power.

“The Agenda” (1 pin)

this is a parallel to Murderface being possessed by Salacia, someone is being possessed and having their will manipulated. moving on.

“The Ocean Galaktik” (4 pins)

this song is so obvious to me about its connections to AotD, i don’t even wanna look at it because i know you all see it too. but eternallyblight brought this song up specifically in the tags of my Murmaider analysis. so, let’s look at it through THAT lens.

Triton is getting messages from an aquatic being. she does have immense power, and is likely a deity of some kind—Whale Prophet tease.

Triton sees a heart of gears. a clock. once again, the gods of Brendon’s worlds are associated with time’s arrow. i could write another post as long as this one just about the clock symbolism. but here’s the important thing: both Triton and Nathan having to accept the fact that time doesn’t stop for them, and instead they have to play their part in life.

the deity in this song is referred to as the Beast Queen. so this ties her to Beastblade, at the very least in name. in my Murmaider analysis, i theorized that Salacia and the Whale Prophet, though enemies now, were tied to one another via the sea, that Salacia had been the water god long ago. and in Galaktikon, Beeastblade and the Beast Queen have a similar relationship. we don’t know if they had a similar history, but they are connected to each other. Brendon uses the term “beast” to refer to gods of immense power, gods related to the ocean and to space. now, if you think i’m bringing this all up to draw a parallel to “I Am the Beast”…that would be hilarious. but i’m not—that song has nothing to do with this, that song is about Nathan doing puppy play. no, i’m bringing this up because of a line that the Whale Prophet said to Nathan during his vision with her in AotD that has haunted me for nearly three months now and that i never see ANYONE MENTION: “You are the beast daughters of the apocalypse.” i’m sorry, you WHAT. the Whale Prophet is likening Dethklok to beast figures, particularly in reference to the apocalypse. so—if Brendon has a habit of reusing certain symbols across his projects, that would make Dethklok gods as well. wow who the fuck would have thought.

the Beast Queen makes this explicit to Triton, telling him that he and her are the same—they are forces of the ocean and of space. and that is enough to make Triton ready to do what he has to do. and this is a sharp turn away from how this scene went in AotD. while Nathan does leave his conversation with Her ready to perform the song, he performs the wrong song despite knowing it was the wrong song. that doesn’t seem like someone who was ready to serve his planet, the way Triton is at this point—that instead seems like someone who is still terrified and insecure of his own abilities, desperate not to help but to just make all this world-saving shit end.

“My Name Is Murder” (2 pins)

his name is murder? damn that’s crazy William Murderface Murderface Murderface anyway.

so, possession time. the interesting thing, though, is that it’s easy to look at Murder (that’s what i’m calling this character it’s his name he literally told me so) seems to be a different character from Triton. and that’s like…obviously. Triton just decided he was gonna save the world, but Murder is being possessed by Beastblade to do the opposite. and in the context of AotD, yeah, those are two different characters—Nathan and William. but also…in the context of AotD, William isn’t acting on Salacia’s will the entire time he’s possessed by him. he’s still going along with the band to Deus Keep, doing those trust exercises, working on the songs. he’s helping to save the world. he’s also betraying them. so do you know what i’m getting at here? Murder and Triton are the same person. damn, bet you didn’t think i’d be using Metalocalypse to explain Galaktikon, huh? thought it would be the other way around, didn’t you? surprise bitch, hold on, there's more to come.

“Nightmare” (2 pins)

so i initially pinned this song as being from the pov of Murder—the Murderface analog, if you will. but now that i think that those two characters are both Triton, where does that leave us? it leaves us with a goddamn motherfucking Mephistopheles reference. Mephistopheles is a German demon who first appeared in the story Faust—Mephistopheles is the devil’s agent who mediated the deal Faust makes with the devil. SO. if this character is Triton, who has just betrayed his friends and led to this ultimate destruction of the world, then right now his friends are looking at him at someone with demonic connections, with someone who had tried to get them to destroy their own souls for this life. and now this was the price they were paying. but he’s not Mephistopheles. he wasn’t trying to manipulate anyone, he was the one being taken advantage of. drawing to AotD parallels again, this does naturally diverge yet again—Dethklok wasn’t angry at William for his actions for even a second because they knew it wasn’t him (funnily enough, whoever it was that William met in the Depths of Humanity in The Doomstar Requiem was actually our Mephistopheles analog). and again, that’s why i see this character as Triton—because if we look at him as the current analog of Nathan, Nathan is the one whom others are angry at after the destruction, namely Pickles. because fucking of course they would be—he didn’t write the right song, and he knowingly performed the wrong song because he let his own insecurities get to him. but simply in the context of Galaktikon…Triton had to live with the fact that he used to be a hero, but he threw all that away while under Beastblade’s control.

this song is sung entirely in clean vocals. entirely. this and “The Ocean Galaktik” are the only two songs like this, with “My Name Is Murder” being the only song sung entirely in harsh vocals. every other song in this album (except “Rebuilding a Planet,” of course) utilizes both vocal styles to varying degrees. i’m pretty fucking sure Brendon reserves the clean singing for moments that are directly tied to Triton, harsh singing for moments that directly tied to the Beast—this includes moments following whomever it is that the Beast has possessed while they are enacting the Beast’s will. my biggest evidence for this is that “The Ocean Galaktik” is sung completely in a clean style, and “My Name Is Murder” is sung completely in a harsh style. so, in pointing all this out… the entirety of “Nightmare” is sung clean. all of it. “Nightmare” is about whomever it is that has been possessed and has betrayed Triton’s goal in saving the world. and “Nightmare” is from Triton’s point of view. i very firmly believe this. this is the absolute primary difference between Galaktikon and Army of the Doomstar: this is like if it were Nathan who had gotten possessed—or, even more delicious, all of Dethklok. but again, this ain’t about them. but there’s my evidence, you can’t change my mind. [editor's note: also look at this panel from the Galaktikon comic i found right before posting this, i'm literally correct:]

“Could This Be the End” (1 pin)

it’s the scene with Dethklok on the death march towards Salacia’s Falconback thing. whatever. it’s that whole scene, we get it, moving on.

“To Kill a God” (1 pin)

so the reference to the power of the ocean obviously mirrors the reoccurring themes of the sea and going into the water and the whale prophet in mtl. something something, Murmaider trilogy theory. but the ice and the snow have less of a clear mtl parallel. i would say it is most directly connected to the fact that this battle takes place in Batsfjord, Norway, in a snowy expanse. oh but also melted ice is a theme in “Horse of Fire,” a song that to me is also very clearly about the climax at AotD. but i still haven’t done my Dethklok discography analysis yet, so i can’t tell you exactly what it’s a reference to—look, snow and ice and the ocean are all different forms of water, that’s all that’s actually important.

“Exitus” (3 pins)

so here is where we see another stark difference in the order of events between Galaktikon II and AotD, if we were to take them as direct, literal analogs.

now is where they’re finally submerging Murder in the water until Beastblade is driven out of him. we all were fucking broken during that scene with Murderface in AotD, i don’t gotta get into it. but, see, i had put forth the idea that Murder and Triton are the same character. i still firmly believe that, here’s more evidence.

the fact that this happens AFTER the climactic battle with Beastblade. like, think about it, really—why would Triton go into battle against Beastblade knowing that one of his allies has betrayed him? now, you could make the argument that the protagonist didn’t know, but “Nightmare” makes it pretty clear that Murder has been found out. my theory is this: Triton was discovered to have betrayed his allies, and this conflict is what drove the ridge between them that allowed for Beastblade to capture them, even momentarily. next question i expect y’all to ask is, “but if Triton is Murder, why is the narrator of the song (presumed to be Triton) speaking to him?” well…i relistened to both Galaktikon albums while working on this, and i made note of every time Brendon used clean vocals and every time he used harsh vocals. he utilizes various different styles of both i need his vocal cords so goddamn bad, so my rule of thumb was basically, if he sounds more like Pickles or Ishnifus, it was clean, if he sounds more like Nathan or Magnus, it was harsh. you might have noticed some of the lyrics i cited were in bold—those were lyrics that were sung in a harsh vocal style. this verse i’ve isolated features both clean and harsh vocals. even as Triton is proclaiming his victory, the Beast is reminding him that he’s still here. but guess what?

the lines i’ve bolded aren’t just harsh vocals, they’re harsh backing vocals to the primary clean vocals. and during this whole verse, the harsh vocals are fading. the Beast is finally leaving. they won, but they couldn’t win until they had destroyed the primary version of the Beast, leaving behind just a small enough fragment of him that they could drown him out.

ADDRESSING THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM (Murmaider)

eternallyblight, who originally helped to inspire this analysis, first posited the following: Where do I think “The Ocean Galaktik” fits into my Murmaider theory?

and. wow. that original question REALLY got away from me, i’m so sorry that i promised you this answer WEEKS ago and just made you read over 6,700 words to finally get to it.

ultimately, my Murmaider theory burns down to this: Salacia, who was also a god who lived in the water, murdered the Whale Prophet’s child, so mermaids attempted to kill him in revenge. they failed, but they did leave him near death and at only a fraction of his power, splitting the Four Souls from him. the Whale Prophet, disguised as a shark to manipulate him, kept tabs on Salacia as he tried to gain his power back, and he went on a reign of terror until he started to get paranoid. he fled the ocean when he felt the Whale Prophet closing in, and he was warned that in order to gain his strength back, he has to align himself with the Four Souls, the Tribunal, and Dethklok. however, he doesn’t ally himself with Dethklok the way he does the Tribunal, and in trying to use their divine power for evil, it backfires, and when Dethklok use the Dethlights to force Salacia over the water, the Whale Prophet is able to finally take revenge. my Galaktikon analysis is very firmly in the idea that these are two separate stories, despite their parallels. but, if we do look at Galaktikon II as a rough draft of Army of the Doomstar (which mariaclarareincarnate informed me it essentially was)…then i’m fucking right in my theory. i’m fucking correct, let’s go.

as i mentioned when i covered “The Ocean Galaktik,” Triton calls this analog to the Whale Prophet a “Beast Queen,” inherently aligning her with eastblade…and then, in parallel, aligning the Whale Prophet with Salacia. despite their current differences now, these two godly figures are ultimately of the same origin. going even farther: “You are the beast daughters of the apocalypse.” [0:41:00, Army of the Doomstar]

Dethklok were divinely conceived by the Whale Prophet. all of them were, not just Nathan. Nathan, for whatever reason, was just the one who was closest with Her—maybe because he grew up closest to the ocean, in Florida. i would be inclined to say, “because he’s the frontman,” but all of them have the capacity to be a vocalist. Pickles could’ve very easily have been the vocalist if he wanted to (and i guess if they weren’t a death metal band, but…y’know). anyway, despite Nathan being Her favorite little babygirl, this doesn’t change the fact that all of Dethklok are Her babygirls. this isn’t just me being quirky guys—She called them the BEAST DAUGHTERS. i’m going fucking insane, why has no one else talked about this??? i’m sure someone has i just haven’t seen it, i am but one autism creature.

Skwisgaar wasn’t just being an egotistical diva when he said he was immaculately conceived and when he calls himself a guitar god: he’s right.

and isn’t that the perfect revenge? Salacia had killed the Whale Prophet’s child centuries, if not millennia, ago, and now her new children are going to fucking eviscerate him.

Final Thoughts

yeah, you’d have to be a fucking idiot to miss the parallels between Galaktikon and Metalocalypse. Galaktikon I is The Doomstar Requiem, Galaktikon II is Army of the Doomstar, blow me, whatever. but the thing that i ultimately find most interesting about this are the ways in which these stories are different. Galaktikon is a space epic, Metalocalypse is an aquatic horror. Galaktikon is about one man, Metalocalypse is about a family. Galaktikon is ultimately more of a traditional monomythic story than anything, and Metalocalypse, while also monomythic in essence, is far more interested in the interpersonal relationships between the band members than anything else—the mystic lore underlying the majority of the series and ultimately inciting Army of the Doomstar kind of doesn’t matter. because if we take away all the otherworldly elements of Metalocalypse, do you know what we’re still left with? we’re still left with five idiots who learned to openly love each other, we’re still left with Nathan telling Pickles that he needs him in his life, we’re still left with them all sacrificing their own safety to rescue Toki in The Doomstar Requiem, we’re still left with them calling each other brothers and their family. we strip the mysticism from Galaktikon, and we don’t have a story…at all.

neither of those are inherently good or inherently bad. they’re different. Galaktikon is just more open about being a fantasy/sci-fi epic, whereas 95% of the time Metalocalypse is “haha horror comedy about death metal” until they slap you in the face with intense found family love and codependency or the very complex lore.

if i have any conclusion to this analysis, it’s that Brendon Small is based as fuck for not forcing heterosexual romances into narratives that imply as such. thank god he’s consistent in giving women characters the agency to reject the men protagonists’ advances. Brendon Small, lesbian ally of my entire life.

thanks for reading. i have more mtl analyses planned in the future. if you liked this, i hope you share it, and if you didn’t like it, click here. and click there if you loved this, also.

[mountmortar]

do you happen to know any site building tutorials to follow and learn from? been having a hard time finding a place to start with my own neocity but the free reign and customization of them interests me a lot :0c

ABSOLUTELY! I do want to stress one thing if HTML/CSS is something you're not familiar with: It's okay if your website doesn't look like the most creative, eye-popping thing in the world! I've seen sooooooo many people get so discouraged because their beginner websites don't look like the flashier websites you see on Neocities' front page (by people who've been coding for a Long Time, mind you!) and like!!! That's fine!!! The code of my own site was quite possibly the worst thing you've ever seen thrown together into one big CSS soup before I Literally Just Rewrote It Today, After A Year Of Having A Neocities. And so, with that being said:

As anyone on the internet might do, w3schools is the absolute first place I'd recommend to beginners! There are videos, it's mostly a text-based learning site with lots of exercises to test your knowledge. If you'd prefer videos:

My personal favorite guy on Youtube to learn coding things from is Giraffe Academy: Here's his full course on HTML! The video itself is about two hours—I skimmed through it and everything seems to be perfectly oriented towards beginners (I haven't watched it in its entirety, but I have seen his videos on C# and Python [programming languages, don't worry about it] and they did a lot to help explain certain things to me that I didn't know previously!).

BroCode's HTML in 1 hour and CSS in 1 hour are pretty good! His videos do include a little bit on how to implement some JavaScript here and there, but nothing major or terrifying.

Here's a playlist of HTML/CSS tutorials in bite-sized videos, too! Think about 10-25 minutes per video.

I will say that searching for YouTube videos on HTML/CSS will always sort of gear more towards what people in the professional sphere are looking for rather than what you'd see on Neocities.

As for Neocities-specific things (which may be the actual point of your ask! Might've misinterpreted the hell out of it oops):

sadgrl.online is perhaps the most known website on Neocities, largely because the website itself not only has a layout maker you're free to use if you want to make a website now but the thought of writing HTML/CSS from scratch terrifies you, but also HTML/CSS guides themselves! There's also a bunch of links you can use to help fluff up your site a bit, generate HTML code for you, or just fluff up your site in general.

The Melonland Project is also dedicated to providing website development tools and tutorials for beginners: here is its guide to making a website on Neocities! It also provides a link to learnlayout.com, which I'll link here as well—a website for helping you learn CSS layouts!

And, once you've got the hang of how CSS works but are still feeling unable to code it yourself (no ideas? just not feeling up to it? FUCK MAN DO I UNDERSTAND THAT) Eggramen has free CSS pages you can use, and all you have to do is write the HTML for it!

But I would always focus more on learning HTML first before any CSS—and then learning how to integrate CSS into HTML via inline styling (which those video tutorials do!) before worrying about any external stylesheets or whatever. HTML is the actual building block—CSS just makes it look pretty.

[azurewishing]

Okay I’m so so sorry if this ends up pestering you but

i wanna know your depictions of the colossals, idk, headcanon s or whatever

possibly their relationship with the epic wubbox as well 👀

I'VE BEEN ENABLED AAAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!!!

The colossals, to me, are a bunch of people who focus on the big picture but end up skipping over important details. A big example is not thinking about how to make sure the continent exists forever and the argument that led to the end of the dawn of fire. They rely on the celestials to refine details of their work

Once they went into their slumber, they became a bit unstable with the fact they were constantly thinking despite being asleep. Currently they are trying to regain stability

They are eldritch beings and contacting them without proper preparations can lead you to madness

Their existence is based on faith, basically no worshippers = death

For them individually...

Grennitch- A serious one who loves nature. They look over the land with appreciation of the hard work of others

Frigil- So sooo sad. They are shy and clingy, as well as easily moved to tears. They try to act strong though

Zeffree- Machine liker. They like taking on big projects and showing them off to others, and enjoys teaching others too

Hyddryd- Adventurer. They hate staying in one place. They bring materials from the places they explore

Sollum- Doesn't exactly enjoy doing work, they rather do things solo. If they have to work then they'll work, well only after being forced to

Fire colossal- Sweet but also very strict, a bit too strict...

Zarroë- Just likes to be there. It grew an attachment to the prototype monsters so it decided to stay behind in the pocket dimension. Very creative and was close to galvana

For the epic wubs, here's something to note... the colossals weren't that good to them. It varies on which colossal, but they hurt the wubs

Plantie has very complicated feelings with Grennitch. It worships them but curses their name. It loves but hates them

Coldie was traumatized severely by Frigil. But frigil doesn't realize that and still tries to talk to it

Airie likes Zeffree because they're nice, but the colossal tends to accidentally push air to its limits

Waterie doesn't know what to think about Hyddryd, so it doesn't think anything about them. It doesn't like them all too much though

Earthie worships Sollum a lot and wishes they'll notice their efforts one day

I should mention, the gold island epic wubbox forgot who their colossal was

[shiny-miltank]

A leche hobbies update:

Update on knitting adventures: almost done with a scarf I started 🤔 dropped stitches everywhere but it really helps with my adhd to have something in my hands to play with while feeling like I’m working towards something! Don’t think I’ll show it off though LMAO, it’s ugly as a scarf but I like it as a “baby’s first scarf” to look back on when I get better. And it’s warm :)!

Other thing: picked up a sewing machine from the good will and still in really great shape and working! Its old and has character and I love it HAH. I’m learning from my abuelita on her own machine. It’d be great to combine this and knitting to make essentials and to repair clothes that really need it.

Drawing/not really a hobby it’s my “Jobby”: sorry for being a lil slow on updates! I got a little bit of burnout and I really want to finish summers commissions so I can clear my schedule more. I’m just about done so I’m no longer chipping on three projects at a time between my full time job oof-but do know they are being worked on. I’ve got adoptables on the way and sketching the next ask-n update! I’ve also been keeping an eye on other places to post like insta and bluesky but I feel like I need to like…observe? Some more? Before committing and learning whole new platforms and posting schedules bleh.

I got other projects in the pipeline, one including a pmd thing, more Paldea headcanons and what not and some certain purple psychic cat things returning. But all in due time! Can’t overwhelm myself : 0

And a little bit of a rant or ramble about perhaps dropping a longtime hobby I’ve had and feeling sad about it beneath the cut ;( but if you’ve read this far thanks! Love ya’ll for supporting me!

I think a handful of you? Know I roleplay on this platform and have for a good seven? Eight? Years. It’s fun, a lot of my ideas and headcanons and art I’m known for were actually jump started by some random thread or idea from between my rp partners and what not. The Mewtwo blog, ask-n, scarlet turo and etc etc were old muses or ideas that turned into their own thing. It’s always been so easy to write and collaborate your ideas with the rp community you’re in and it becomes it’s whole big thing!

But I know it hasn’t always been the healthiest hobby for me after awhile but esp when I want to focus on content creation as a job that I’m really into. I no longer have the time to maintain plots and characters despite being so determined to stick to it. It’s becoming more of a distraction of just scrolling down the rp dashboard out of FOMO more then anything and heck I can’t even see most of it as a lot of events and verses and etc I blacklist to attempt to curb anxiety and distractions which haven’t been working lately 🤔 I still get lots of anxiety.

That and the community’s changed really. I know every old rper has typed their piece on “back in the good old days-“, leaves their blog and doesn’t give any useful advice or attempt to change the narrative lol. I don’t want to do that.

And it’s not the communities fault either. It’s natural for spaces to change to help new ideas and new people come in. It just means maybe it’s no longer meant for me and that’s okay. If anything it’s more how my friends I’ve been with for all my time there have left or are leaving. There’s a disconnect I can’t seem to get over no matter what new muse or idea I promote esp when I’m no longer comfortable in the space I enjoyed for so long. I never had to block so many things before and again not the communities fault and none of the things I’m blocking are unsavory, it’s more like my tastes and likes and dislikes and what I have spoons for have just become different over so long. It’s totally a me thing.

It’s in my mind that maybe it’s okay to let it go since I’m getting so hyped for my newer hobbies and the ideas I have for my art/comics. I don’t have the time anymore to dedicate so much energy on it like I use to esp when even over all my work Im still figuring out my adhd after getting diagnosed officially, new meds, the other mental diagnosis that makes the mental soup in my head alongside other life stuff.

I owe rp in general for helping me get that creative spark and through a lot of tough, long dark times. It’s provided me with the escapism and outlet since like, forever. I started rping in ye old Neopet neomail days and haven’t stopped since besides the occasional period that didn’t last long. Who knows maybe this is just a rut and I’ll feel better tomorrow or next week or something. Could be the change of seasons where my seasonal depression kicks in but I’m not quitting yet but it’s somewhere in the funky mind palace as I navigate this weird patch.

Thanks if you’ve read my ramblings this far! I wish there was a way to reward peeps who read through my long jargon? It just feels good to know I can scream into the void and sometimes I’ll have one or two people nod at me in understanding. Idk, I’ll think of something—

[serenescribe]

POLL RESULTS! (+ updates)

After a week of intense campaigning, along with a whopping 340 votes (!!!), I am pleased to announce the results of the longfic poll, along with what the plan is from now on!

With a whopping 42.1% of the votes, "PMMM AU: Lilia Longfic" is the winner! It started in the lead, and despite having fierce competition from "Starchild," it maintained its first place position till the very end \o/

I must shoutout @hanafubukki in particular for making the poll competition as intense as it was! Without all the "Starchild" campaigning she did, it would have been a walk in the park for the PMMM AU.

So what's next?

Well... I'm still drowning in a sea of uni responsibilities, going into the second half of the semester. (Essays, projects, and exams galore!) With that in mind, I don't have much energy to work on longfics at the moment. Nevertheless, I hope I can get the PMMM AU longfic to you all by the end of the year; I will be considerably freer by December! (In the meantime, I'm gonna try to plot things out with Mica...)

As for "Starchild," given the number of votes it received, I'll be sure to make it my secondary focus and work on it after the PMMM AU fic is done. Like I said previously, it's already 1/3 done, so it should not take too much time to finish the rest. Hopefully I can get the both of these done before my next semester of uni commences in January!

With regards to fic and ficlet requests... I'm still not going to open up longer fic requests since I feel bad that there's still about six of them left in my inbox. However, I've done a lot of catch up on the ficlets, so once I find the time to finish the remaining two ficlet requests, I'll open them up again! They're relatively less strenuous since they're below 1000 words, and I'd still like to write a bit if I can.

Okay, that's about all I can think of. I'll probably be queueing my small stockpile of pre-written ficlets sometime soon, once I get around to editing them. Proper blog management (creating a masterlist for Tumblr fics, possibly crossposting them to AO3, finally doing a fucking write-up on that Dæmon AU I've had for months...) will likely only come after I escape the sea of agony that is uni.

(Thanks for being so patient with me, everyone! c:)

[kolbisneat]

MONTHLY MEDIA: November 2023

Ooooooh it's getting cold and snowy out here in Ontario! Perfect weather to stay in, curl up, and read/watch/play something.

……….FILM……….

Bottoms (2023) The heightened reality could've been made apparent a little sooner but other than that, no notes. Weird and fun in a way I haven't seen in a while. Big fan.

How The West Was Fun (1994) It took me about 1 hour and 10 minutes to get into this but it finishes strong. And so many great jackets! Ugh I love a good belt buckle.

……….TELEVISION……….

The Crown (Episode 6.01 to 6.02) Okay this is my first dip into the series but having lived (just barely) through a lot of this, I feel like I got caught up fairly quickly. Really feels like the focus is on Diana instead of the Queen, yeah?

Scott Pilgrim Takes Off (Episode 1.01 to 1.06) Not what I was expecting and really refreshing for it! The animation varies wildly from episode to episode and I assume it's intentional buuuut sometimes it doesn't quite work for me. If I finish it and enjoy it enough to warrant a rewatch, I'll definitely try it with the Japanese dub.

……….YOUTUBE……….

Mosa Lina by Caleb Gamman This looks like a fun game and, more importantly, the video is a thoughtful divergence into the topic of "genre". Gonna be thinking about the ideas in here for a while. VIDEO

This Woman Deconstructs 100-Year-Old Books To Restore Them | Obsessed | WIRED by WIRED I could watch book restoration all day and I hope this becomes an ongoing series or she starts her own channel. VIDEO

7 Deadly Art Sins by CJ the X Vital watching for any creative type. Don't compare yourself to others (different from learning from others), don't hesitate starting that project you have in mind, and don't be afraid to create stuff you don't like cause it's an opportunity to reflect and grow and move towards making something you do like. Also promise me you won't call it content. VIDEO

Chicago Doesn’t Own Its Own Streets | Climate Town by Climate Town If you ever hear a city councilor mention selling public infrastructure to a private company, send them this link or vote them out. VIDEO

……….READING……….

A Few Fiends To Tea by Virginia Coffman (Complete) Picked this up secondhand for the cover (obviously) and the promise of a dying man using his remaining time to enact some vigilante justice on serial killers. Pulpy fun, right? Well it mostly reads like a mid century romance with a few interesting exchanges peppered throughout. Oh well.

Silver Surfer by Slott & Allred Omnibus by Dan Slott and Michael Allred (Complete) This is what comics can be. Funny, sad, silly, and sincere, all while telling superhero stories that don't exclusively rely on punching to solve conflict. This reads like the best of Doctor Who and I love it all the more.

Delicious in Dungeon Volume 1 by Ryoko Kui (Complete) It seeeeeeeeems like the series is wrapping up so while I wait for the final volume's release I figured I'd start a reread. Knowing where it's going it's fun to see how established the setting and characters are right out of the gate. Just so great and I can't recommend it enough.

……….AUDIO……….

Wag the Doug (Podcast) This is for a very specific audience (folks living in Ontario, Canada that are invested in provincial politics) but if you're a part of that demographic then it's a great way to loosely keep up with what's going on.

……….GAMING……….

Oz: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) The Mof1 Crew is infiltrating a funeral where they know Princess Ozma will be attending. I think their plan is still stuff from the coat check but maybe they'll change course along the way. Never know what I'm going to get with this crew.

Wonderland: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) Got to run this quite a bit this month and testing is going well! Similar tone but very different sort of play from Oz and Neverland and I feel like that's a good thing.

And that’s it. See you in December!