#i swear to god i will make a fancam of him after im done with this campaign or something hdkfkdjdj i just love him so much

[4giorno]

how this first fight in the final battle is already making me feel

[katsukisbimbo]

DDAENG

✯ pairing: hawks x reader

✯ genre: FLUFFYYDS!!

✯ summary: fan! hawks meeting his newly debuted idol crush y/n at a fansign!

✯wordcount: 2.1k+

✯warning: just swearing and hawks being thirsty <3

✯ note: this literallt came to me because i was trying to turn @hoodtoshi into a bts stan (lowkey succeeded) and i was jus like yea, thirsty hawks

-ˏ͛⑅　‧̥̥͙‧̥̥ ̥ ̮ ̥ ⊹ ‧̫‧ ⊹ ̥ ̮ ̥ ‧̥̥‧̥̥͙　⑅ˏ͛--ˏ͛⑅　‧̥̥͙‧̥̥ ̥ ̮ ̥ ⊹ ‧̫‧ ⊹ ̥ ̮ ̥ ‧̥̥‧̥̥͙　⑅ˏ͛--ˏ͛⑅　‧̥̥͙‧̥̥

- you were nervous

- this was your first fan meet after all,, but you were still nervous

- you were only 19 and had already debuted!!

- that didn’t happen to just anyone!!

- you worked super hard to get to where you are today!! everyone knew that!!

- you sighed as your make-up artist continued to paint your lips a dark red colour

- you honestly didn’t look like yourself, but this was to keep up the whole idol image i guess

- “jinhee, how many people are outside? i’m sure only two people came to see me..” you pouted, resulting in your make-up artist to smack your cheek lightly

- “dOn’t say that you dummy! i’m sure a lot of people came to see you!” she scolded, wiping off the excess makeup on a towel

- “now get out, you’re done”

- “i don’t wanna”

- she raised a newspaper and flexed, ready to beat the fuck out of you if she heard another whisper of self-deprecation from you

- “fine! i’m going!” you grumbled, pouting at oncoming soreness of your feet from your heels

- why did idols have to wear heels anyway?

- okay no, you knew why, but sTill!! they sucked!

- you smiled as you saw the buffet table

- one little snack wouldn’t hurt

- >:)

- “keigo stop fuckign puSHING”

- “im so EXCITED!! i’m meeting THE y/n you SLUTBAG!!” keigo yelled as he shook his companion

- dabi sometimes questioned why he was still friends with keigo

- “i SEE that you asshole”

- keigo took this opportunity to punch dabi in the arm, causing dabi to retaliate, causing kEigo to retaliate, causing dAb-

- okay so

- “i’ve been in love with her ever since she debuted!! and she debuted ALONE!! a whole solo artist!! the talent!! the beauty!! i’m in love!!”

- dabi raised a brow at his friend

- “didn’t you tweet about wanting to ‘put a baby inside of her’?”

- keigo felt his cheeks heat up at the possibility of you seeing his indecent tweets about you

- what if you had seen? what if you think he’s a creep? what if you already hated him??

- keigo felt his anxiety creep onto his shoulders as he continued to overthink, not realizing that they were already next to go in

- ruh roh raggy

- keigo didn’t know anything BUT anxiety

- rip keigo we’ll miss you big daddy :,(

- “please come in, please don’t shout”

- whO was shouting?? nobody was shouting

- keigo wasn’t gonna shout

- as keigo was about to shout, he felt himself be silenced by his partner

- all keigo could feel was betrayal

- “calm down you hot dog, you’re going to TALK to her in person jfc. you can tell her how much you want to father her children then”

- it was almost time and you were STILL at the food table

- you saw a small intern approach you with an uneasy look on her face

- she was for sure about to reprimand you

- “m-ms. y/n,, we have to go now!” she stuttered

- she was sO! cute you just couldn’t say no

- so you decided to just sneak a few bags of chips under your skirt before smiling and quickly following her

- you made your way to the stage, peeking behind the curtains

- you saw a huge crowd of people, mostly males, but one man who sat near the front caught your eye

- he had bright yellow eyes with matching blond hair, even wearing some eyeliner

- the unknown male looked absolutely delectable

- he made you bark a little tbh

- you took a deep breath before you were pushed by your manager on the stage, cheers suddenly reaching your ears as your fans confessed their love for you

- quit shamelessly might you add

- you blushed as you watched the cute blond-haired man cup his hands around his mouth and yell—

- “I LOVE YOU Y/N! IM YOUR NUMBER ONE FAN!” he yelled, gaining the attention of everyone in the room

- soon everyone started to yell that they were your biggest fan and that the blond man could never even compare

- but the man had nothing but a satisfied smirk plastered on his handsome face

- did he enjoy starting riots?

- you sat on the chair, placing your hands on top of the table

- this was a small table ngl

- luckily there was a sheet on the table, hiding your nervously bouncing legs

- just imagine watching a fancam of you bouncing your leg

- people would still thirst for that

- anyway

- “thank you guys for coming! i’m so excited to meet you all!” you started, smiling at the large number of people

- “you guys can ask me questions or some things? i don’t know?” you laughed, feeling slightly awkward

- you didn’t know how to be a person

- “can you do a dance for us!!” a young boy, about the age of 7 yelled, jumping up and down in front of his seat

- “what dance?” you queried, raising your brow in curiosity

- “move by taemin!!” he cheered, immediately dancing

- you laughed at his adorable actions

- you were totally gonna dance for him!

- you got up as the music started to play in the background, moving to the side of the table and sensually moving to the beat while the audience watched intently

- you carefully moved your hips, hitting all the right beats

- this wasn’t any different than dancing in front of the camera people, plus you had to get used to an audience

- it also wasn’t any different from how you had to dance to kpop songs from when you were younger for your family!!

- (no, literally. the amount of times i had to dance to 2NE1’s i am the best, girls generation’s gee, and wonder girls’ nobody. the dances are engraved in my head. 6 year old giri had to dance or else)

- as the song faded out, you held your pose before bowing, smiling at the little boy who continued to hype you up

- “holy fuck.. dabi that was hot” hawks whispered, tightening his grip around his friends sleeve

- “jeez kei, ease up a bit” dabi complained, prying his friends hand off of him

- “oh my god she’s such a great dancer, do you think she’ll like me if i learn how to dance too?” he questioned, grabbing his friend by the front of his shirt, pissing dabi off once more

- “no. not if you don’t stop being a fuckinf weirdo”

- hawks pouted

- dabi grinned

- how cruel

- “does anyone else have a request?”

- “WAP!!” a number of people yelled, resulting in your face heating up

- how would they suggest such a lewd dance!

- especially when there were children here!

- “haha! that doesn’t seem very appropriate!” you laughed it off, trying your best to mask your uncomfortableness

- hopefully this would end soon

- “no! can you dance to gashina please!” a girl yelled, catching your attention

- hm, gashina was actually a very good suggestion

- you could do this! you could be as great as sunmi!

- okay maybe no. sunmi was a god <3

- you did the routine, catching the eyes and the hearts of the audience

- “fuck i think i’m in love dabi” hawks whined, clutching his chest

- he had a lovesick expression plastered on his face

- he was totally whipped for you, no doubt about it

- before you knew it, it was time for the fans to have a minute to speak to you and for them to get their albums signed!

- you had recently debuted with your album, dawn in tokyo

- you had taken inspiration from the time where you had left your hotel at dawn and walked around the streets of tokyo, sitting near a bridge and writing lyrics for some of the songs in the album

- hence the name of the album

- most of your album was written in japan

- hawks felt himself get more excited as he came closer to you, holding tightly to the fabric of his friends jacket, which wouldn’t surely gotten him slapped if you weren’t so near

- before he knew it, he was already next in line, dabi already sitting in front of your figure while holding your soft, delicate looking hand in his large ugly ones

- this made hawks’ chest bubble with jealousy

- >:(

- sure, you had a large fan base, but it still hurt to see people touch you the way he wanted to

- it was now his turn, he walked up the stairs with his wobbly knees, wanting to just sit and be near you

- he knew that you would be able to calm his nerves, or make him spontaneously combust

- “hey! i’m y/n! nice to meet you!” you smiled, out-stretching your hand to him, offering to place your hand in his own

- he swiftly, but gently grasped your hand, before placing it on his cheek, letting you hold the soft chub of his cheek

- no fan had been this brave to do this. it was quite surprising to be honest

- he wasn’t breaking any rules so you decided to fuck it and go with it

- you placed both your hands on his cheeks, slightly squishing them together, causing him to adorably pout

- “dash not nishe” he mumbled, brows furrowing

- you laughed before letting go of his face, bringing your hands back to your side of the table

- “you’re so cute! can i sign your album for you?” you smiled, tilting your head to the side

- hawks just..dieded

- mans said peace out

- your beauty was incomprehensible

- phew, he had to get his shit together! he was trying to impress u! he wanted to be the mc in a wattpad story

- we all wanna be y/n

- anywayss

- “sure dove! u can make it out to keigo, u can put your number in it too ;)” he winked

- KDNDHSK

- DID HE—

- DID HE JUST ASK FOR YOUR NUMBER

- LIKE—

- nobody:

- y/n: i’m not gon do it girl.. i’m just thinking about it

- “ah! sorry cutie! i’m not allowed to share my number :333”

- you tried to laugh as you died inside

- he smiled, before placing a kiss on your fingertips

- “don’t worry dove,i respect that” he winked

- BARK BARK

- “i have some gifts for you!” he announced, placing the huge paper bag on top of the table

- he first pulled out your favourite snack before handing it to you

- how did he get these??

- omg

- then, he brought out a bottle of perfume, and a new song writing notebook!

- this was great!!

- “oh my gosh! keigo! you’re too sweet” you cooed,

- this was a lot

- “i also have something else.. would you wear this flower crown for me and do some fan-service?” he queried

- of course you would!

- you nodded before placing the flower crown on top of your head

- “what do you want me to say?”

- “say.. i’ll be a good dove for hawks. is that okay?” he smirked, tracing small circles into the palm of your hands

- w-wHAT

- was this legal

- your managers were literally ignoring you—

- “o-oh! sure! uhm-“

- god you were going to regret this

- “i-i’ll be a good dove for hawks!” you whimpered, showing off your practiced aegyo

- “ahhh! my heart!” he gasped, dramatically clutching his chest

- “excuse me, we need the next fan to come up” you manager tapped the both of your arms

- you nodded before smiling at hawks and waving goodbye

- you were going to miss him :((

- ig it just wasn’t meant to be

- the night you had gotten home, you decided to go through your gifts

- you were particularly interested in the gift you had gotten from the blond man

- it was really sweet of him to get you a notebook

- the moment you had opened it, you had noticed that something was written on the first page

- ‘xxx-xxx-xxxx call me pretty girl <3’

- he was a bold onealright

- you were contemplating on actually calling him

- he could leak your number!

- well, you could just wait for him to speak

- fuck it

- you dialed the number on your phone and waited as it rang

- “hello?”

- “i-is this keigo?”

- “hey dove, i’m glad you called”

- y/n: i did it :33

[janevx]

𝑝𝑠𝑦𝑐h𝑜| h𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑔 h𝑦𝑢𝑛𝑗𝑖𝑛

genre: 

wc: 2,7k

warnings: cursing, sex mentions, death mentions

mafia au, psycho au, hyunjinxreader

summary: you have never thught that you would became mafia member guy. someone who murder people for living. hyunjin never shows you that he loves you. he is always cold towards you, but for real? he loves you the most in the world.

author’s note: i’m planing to do headers soon, so it will be look more prettier! also, i was thinking about making reactions with kpop male groups? what do you think about it? also, i’m sorry for late uptade of yuta’s “maybe”, im sorry! btw, you should watch this fancam. hyunjin’s fancam made me write this.

hwang hyunjin was aways known as a cold person who usually doesn’t give a fuck about others. he has his member and sure, he likes them and care, but when it comes to someone else he was very cold. i mean really. also, he has no mercy for his victims. his gaze always do everyhting. people were afraid of his gaze, becasue it’s really scarry. always in black or black-red clothes with his long blonde hair (from god’s menu era) make people afraid of him. he totally loves this. love this that people were afraid of him and he has control. 

 you were just student who has happy life with no worries. you had everything - lovely family, cool and “true” friends also even a boyfriend who loves you and took care of you, but one day everything has changed. 

 you were at club with your friends who had time of theif lifes. you were a little bit tired, so you took a seat by bar. you didn’t even know when blonde guy approach you.

“why are you stting here alone?” he looked into your eyes and you could swear that he was the most handsome boy you have ever seen.”are you listen to me?”

“i’m little bit tired just it.” you smiled a little.

 hyunjin didn’t know why he approach you. he was watching you from the start of the party and he couldn’t stop. you looked amazing and really attract attention, especially from him.

“but you shouldn’t sit here. maybe in the living room? you don’t even know what a kind of people you are around with.”

“what do you mean?”

“nothing, just take it as warning honey.”

 when you were about to open your mouth someone interrupt you.

“ey yo, motherfucker. leave my girlfriend alone or i’m gonna kick your fuckin ass, you pussy.”

 you could hear your boyfriend. you were embarrassed because of y/b/n. he was really jealous sometimes with no reason and agressive towards strangers. 

“y/b/f chill out! we were just talking and you offenisve him! just stop.”

“y/n shut the fuck up for once. this guy flirts with you and you like it?”

 hyunjin couldn’t help smilling all the time. it was his devilish smile. he was fuckin pissed of because you had a boyfriend and also this piece of shit wasn’t afraid to yell at him. he promised himself that he will kill y/b/n.

“isn’t it very nice to talk your girlfriend like this asshole.so, y/n, you don’t have to be sorry because of your fuckin boyfriend. it was nice to meet you.” hyunjin turned around and face your boyfriend and whisper to his ear. “i hope you going to know with who you mess up with. you are already dead.” hyunjin smilled at your boyfriend and left.

 you were kind of person who doesn’t like when someone is treat like shouldn’t you were mad at y/b/f. you shook your head and leave just to go to boy who warned you to be careful. your firends couldn’t belive how you act.

“ey wait! i’m really sorry for this jerk. he is sometimes too agressive towards people.” you were smilling lightly “i hope you can understand.”

“why are you two dating?” he asked with smirk on his face “he is asshole towards you.”

“u-hm.. he loves me and i l-love him..”

“aish, love. okay. thanks and don’t be sorry.” he smiked “i hope we be able to see ourself once again.”

“yeah, totally.”

 he left and so you. you came back to your boyfriend with different feeling. who the hell is this guy?

🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀

since this accident it’s been month. your boyfriend apologized to you hundred times. you couldn’t be mad at him for too long. 

 today it’s your day off. you wanted to surprise your boyfriend for being sonner at home with some cookies. bc, who don’t like cookies? you opened the door and you hear some sounds. like.. moans? did your boyfriend was pleasuring himself? it wasn’t from, of course no! but at the same time you could hear woman’s moans. you were schock and mad as fuck.

 you walked in into your bedroom and you started crying. there were your boyfriend with your bestfriend having sex. when they saw you they were shock and embarrassed.

“what the actual fuck y/b/n?! y/f/n? really? you two fuckin bastrads! i’m leaving!”

“no, y/n wait!”

“fuck of!”

 they left your bedroom. you took suitcase and pack all your stuff. there’s no way to you that you stay any longer in this home. the two most trusted people cheat on you. you couldn’t belive how naive you were. but to your surprise you didn’t feel pain. you were just mad that they did this behind your back. did you really love y/b/f name?

 when you were done, they try to stop you, but you can’t. you left your place and with no idea, you were walking. you were walking until you saw black prestige car that followed you for pretty long. you started feel fear, so you moved faster.

“y/n!”

 is this possible to be this blonde guy from club? you turned around and saw this guy parked his car and walk towards you.

“it’s you.”

“i’m hyunjin.” he smilled “what are you doing when it’s raining and with suitcase?”

“uhm, it’s not important.”

“it is. what happend?”

“my boyfriend and best friend had sex in our bedroom, when I was there with cookies. now i’m betrayed, alone with cookies and with no idea what to do with myself.”

“c’mon, go with me.”

“what?”

he laughed at you.

“come to my place. you can stay.”

“but I don’t know you well and basicly you are stranger to me.”

“just come with me. i promise i’m not gong to hurt you y/n.”

 you didn’t know why did you agree to come with him. 

 his house was pretty big and expensive. you didn’t know what he is doing for living that he has so much money. he showed you all home and give you some food.

“woah, i din’t expect it from you.”

“what? my house?”

“yeah. it’s pretty big and you know. what are you doing daily?”

“you going to know one day, not today. you be sleep in my bedroom, ok? i will be sleep in living room.”

“no, no! it’s your home, i’m only geust.”

“y/n. don’t make me angry, please. just sleep in my bed.”

 you simply nodded. you two were talking a lot before it was bed time for you. you changed your clothes into something comortable (paJamAS) and goes to the bed. you lied down and slowly fall asleep.

“good night y/n”

 you fell asleep, but you have no clue what was happening in same room. hyunjin was watching your for few hours and touch your face. he was fascinated in you. for hyunjin you were just like goddess. he couldn’t help but stare at you. and your body in this pajama was hot as fuck. you have to be his no fuckin matter what.

  🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀

weeks passed and you still were at his place. hunjin asked you to move on with him. you weren’t sure but you agreed. your family and friends told you that you are crazy for doing this. but you didn’t care, becasue hwang hyunjin had something about him what makes you want him. you noticed that he is very, very cold person, but to you he can control this.

 one day you came to home an hour earlier than you should. you walked in, but seems that hyunjin didn’t noticed you. you were about to say something when you heard devilish laugh that stops you.

“and what? you fuck with wrong person.”

“i’m sorry! really, i can give you all my money,”

“take money and pour it into your asshole.”

“hyunjin, please! i’m sorry!”

“i have no mercy dumbass.”

 you could only hear a shot. you frooze. you couldn’t move, because of this what you heard. you couldn’t control how you were breathing. hyunjin could hear it too and only thing he could do was his curse.

“y/n? what are you doing here honey?”

“you killed someone?”

“babe, listen.”

“i’m not your girlfriend.”

“belive me, you will.” he smirked when he take his gun pointing at you “better take a seat.”

you did it with fear in your eyes.

“will you kill me?”

“of course no! you are to preacious to be dead.” he smirked “you asked me one day what am i doing for living. i’m in mafia. i bet you know who stray kids are, right?” you nodded “i’m basicaly member. but you don’t have to be afraid of me. i take good care of you, don’t i?”

“you do, but it’s ..it’s scarry.” you were about to stand up “i have to go and leave you. i can’t live like this.”

“don’t fuckin move.” he reloaded the magazine “i really donj’t want to kill you.”

“i’m sorry?” you were scared “but..it’s you who killed my ex?”

“who else honey? he messed up with wrong guy. i don’t fuck with them all. and also, you can’t leave me honey. you love me.”

“no, i don’t!” you lied

“okay, so leave now. i know that you would come back to me.”

 you took al of your thing and you leave his house. 

 it didn’t teak you so long to come back to him. you didn’t know what happend to you. after you left you was feeling kind of missing? you missed him so much and you couldn’t deny it. you didn’t care that he is in mafia. you loved him it was this what matter. you know him about half a year. you love him from 5 months. 

“oh look who is back.” hyunjin smirked “what should i do with you honey?”

“just let me fuckin in and talk.”

“how confident you are honey.”

to say that hyunjin was happy wasn’t enough. he was extra happy. he loved you from begginign and this time about week you were without him he was watching you. you both loving each other as psycho and you two couldn’t stop.

“i missed you. i don’t care about mafia.”

“oh, you changed your mind?” he smirked

“don’t tease me hyunjin. just tell me what to do. leave or stay. what are you feeling towards me?”

“you want to know what i feel towards you?”

“yeah, this is what i said.”

“this is how i feel towards you.”

 he pinned you into wall and kiss you. deep and with passion. you couldn’t help moans that escape yours mouth. both of you waiting really long to this happend.

“i love you y/n. but i have some rules.”

“i love you too.” you smiled “which rules?”

“i can be really jealous so don’t try me honey. you are only mine and i can use you as i want to. in bed you gonna call me daddy or sir, got it?”

“why?”

“because im in charge and you love mi too much to disagree.” he smirked “don’t be rude to me, because you gonna face consequences. you have to love me and only me.”

“all for you.”

 he smiled to himself and then you were at his lap. kissing so desperatly and deeply like you have never. your one hand in his blonde hair and one hand on his shoulder. when his one hand was at your booty and second hand on your breast. he gave you light squzees. it was really pleasure you and you try to be queit.

“i want to hear you. moan to me y/n.”

“m-my god..hyunjin!”

it didn’t take you two so long to undress each other. he was focused at your body sight. he was amazed by your curves and hell, he loves you even more.

“remember how to call me. i want to hear you kitten.”

“yes daddy.”

 with this he thrust you so rough. it was hard at the beggining but with time you feel pleasure. he fucks you so good and no one could disagree.

“i can feel your thight pussy cleanching around my cock kitten.” both of you could hear your wetness sound “you hear how wet you are for me?”

“i’m close!”

“you can’t cum until i agree.”

“please, daddy please. please, let me cum!”

“you wasn’t be a good girl to you daddy.”

“daddy please, i can do anything.”

“okay, you gonna suck me off.” he smiled “you can cum babygirl.”

 so you did with loud moan. you7 were shaking because how good he fucks you. when you done you have to take his cock. it was really big and you couldn’t take him all. you were sucked him off really good like pro.

“m-my god. i love you so much y/n, my little kitten!” he cum with groan “swallow this sperm babygirl.”

 so you did again. after this he left you to clean up yourself. he isn’t the guy who cares, you know it, but he come back to you to kiss your forhead and fall asleep with you.

🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 🥀 

life with hyunjin was quit hard to you. you really love him, and want to show him, but he doesn’t give a fuck about your love - it’s your thoughts. it’s been another half a year. you two been trough a lot and it makes you two special.

 hyunjin came to home from his work a little bit angry.

“i did dinner if you want to you ca-”

“y/n shut the fuck up! don’t even talk to me.”

“what? i din’t do anything.. why you scream?”

“can’y you see i’m stressed, you idiot? just fuck off from here and leave me.”

 it was casual to you, but it was first time that he was so angry.

“i have enough! stop reacting and exploding at me! i didn’t do anything wrong and here you are, screaming at me for nothing! i’m tired of it, understand?!”

“did you raise your voice at me?”

“yes, and what? you gonna punish me? i’m leaving. you can look for me when you calm the fuck down.”

“try me honey. you aren’t leaving. you are mine.”

“i can! you act coldly to me! can’t you see that it’s hurt me? i fuckin love you and you treat me like sex toy and doesn’t care about me. how can you love me when you fuck other girls? you only yell at me and test me for your sex things. i can’t live like this. you are always cold. always. don’t show me love, it hurts, because i want to show you, but you alwayds don’t care.”

 it hurt him. he doesn’t know that you see him as this. yeah, it was true that when he was really mad at you he fucked another, but then he killed them, because he loves only you. you are most important thing for him. he chuckled.

“i didn’t care about you? i care about you all the time! i’m stressed when i have to leave you for few days, so i call my men to be near to you. i always care what i did to you how you feel. i fuckin care! it’s hard to show this, but when we have sex i fuck you with love. y/n i fuckin think about to get married with you. i love you the most in the world. if you would asked me to leave my life in mafia i will! for you i will do everything. i’m sorry for being like this to you, but i love you.”

 your heart’s melt.

“show me how much you love me.”

 with this he kissed you with love. this night you two had sex slowly with full of love. you love him like a psycho, and he loves you back as a psycho.

“i really love you y/n, please don’t leave me.” lonly tear goes down his cheek “please, y/n i can think about my behaviuor but don’t leave me.”

“i won’t you know it. you know that i love you too much to leave.”

“will you marry me?” he take little box “i love you like psycho, like crazy man. make me happy and agree.”

“of course i will!”

[anonwords]

thursday 29 october 2020

dSo i went to andrews place tonight to chill and hangout. a few months ago he texted me randomly, which was odd considering we only message each other through socail media. He texts me that we should hangout soon and I agree, but after a few days I guess he lost interest. so on monday of this week he messages me through insta talking about “when are you gonna come over and hangout?”. this after he told me he was gonna get back to me about when I should come over two months ago. so I say how about wednesday night and he agrees. I go over to his place and we share an edible and smoke a blunt and then we start chillin on the couch. he makes me watch a bunch of fan made music videos of songs by frank, lana, sufjan. this goes on for hours. we get food and just sit on the sofa, watching the fancams. then he decides we should go to his room since his roommate was coming home. we get on his bed and we lie next to each other. we would talk and he would get closer to me. he finally gets really close and puts arm around my belly, and his head on my shoulder. I put my hand on his head and start playing with his hair. we do this for about ten minutes, i start to get hard and i hoped he didnt see how eager I was, and he asks if I want to do something. I chuckle and he starts saying its ok if i dont and i say that i do want to start doing something. he gets on top of me and we start making out. he grinds his hard dick against my leg and starts moaning, and I start rubbing it. we take our pants off and he starts sucking my dick. I was so afraid of cumming too fast so I stay half hard. he keeps sucking and i keep telling him how good he is. Then he stops, and asks if he came on me. I say no and he gets up to get a towel. I look over and see his cum on the sheets next to me. he brings a towel to clean up and then he just lays next to me. I pull my pants up and he puts back on the frank we were listening to. he starts dozing off and he starts getting anxiety about what he just did with me. I tell him not to worry about it but he definitely kept worrying about it. I kept telling him it was ok but he said he felt like he wasnt ready to do something like that. we took a walk because he was feeling claustrophobic and when we got back, he told me i could sleep in his bed if I was tired, and that he would sleep in his roommates room. I took the hint. I told him I was fine enough to drive, which I was, and he kept telling me I could stay if i wanted. I said I was fine enough to drive and he walked me to my car. 

I dont know what i went over there for. he didnt even finish me. I feel kind of used right now, honestly. I know it probably wasnt a big deal, but Im starting to feel some type of way about it. I break quarantine to see him, and he doesnt even make me cum. I didnt see his dick the whole time. I couldnt even really get a word in because he talked so much, and when I did say something, he kind of just ignored me. this wasnt a date or anything but at the same time, it kind of meant something to me, and I feel like he just kind of used me. I’m just done now I think with him. I felt like we were having a great time and he just switched on me. theres so much ive wanted to do with him for so long, but now i feel those wants are just gone now. he always does this. he’s just not emotionally available. I’m not saying I’m in love with the guy, but we had a connection for a moment and then he just like yanked the plug. ive been so lonely that I just kept ignoring the signs. hoping he’d be as intimate with me as I want to be with him. with any boy. i just wanted him to fall asleep on me, so i could smell his hair. I wanted him to rub my belly, and tell me sweet things like i’d told him. I don’t even want that all the time, but just once, I want someone to reciprocate those feeling, just for a night.

he kept telling me is wasnt my fault for him acting weird and I just kept thinking... uh yeah buddy it sure aint me. I swear to god im just gonna start asking outright if the person i want to hook up with can be emotionally fulfilling. god damn.