#i swear to god im just gonna do the fucking dishes

[brainrotdotorg]

my roommate . will not stop bringing their fucking partner over . even though i have covid. so i am standing at the fridge trying to decide what will be the least repulsive thing to eat for dinner and then the two of them come in and roommate does not say hello hi whats up or anything just makes a wordless beeline for the fridge, which i am standing at, and i have to jump out of the way like a matador being charged by a vegan bull that is trying to reach their quinoa so i take my water bottle and move to return to my room (mask on btw. havent left my room without a mask on) and narrowly dodge the boyfriend who avoids my gaze like i am the fucking birdbox creature but still for some reason decides to stand in the thin-ass hallway that i have to go down to access my little quarantine chamber but honestly it is no different to how he reacts to seeing me even when i do not have a viral illness and by the way why are you even coming over to our apartment when someone has covid why do you only ever come over to our apartment can you PLEASE Go to your own apartment. and now that i am in here i can hear them sifting through the pots in the sink and complaining that theyre tired of people not putting their dishes in the dishwasher (if you are tired of no one putting their dishes in the dishwasher you should put your dishes in the dishwasher normally this is my duty (not one we've decided by the way just one that ive taken on because i like to do dishes. genuinely) but i havent been doing the dishes because, you guessed it, i have covid) takes a deep breath. and i still dont have any dinner.

[azumasoroshi]

minidura chapter 4 react

simon i SWEAR ill get you out of there and that horrendous art style

also though. TEENAGE SHIZAYA CHAPTER LETS GO???? idk if narita made the minidura or if it's a separate illustrator but they are giving the FOOD rn

i was wondering where the official knowledge that simon forced izaya and shizuo to eat sushi together came from. i mean i guess this isnt official and it was probably stated in the anime somewhere but still, good to see it illustrated pff

AAAAAAAAA ive seen this image around tumblr but i didnt realize it was from minidura 😭 i thought it was fanart or smth (<-dumbass)

wait im actually going crazy over this akwjhkjdshs they're washing dishes together!!! now we just need them to do laundry and taxes and-

im going to go over the image limit this time on god

wow cant believe they're bathing each other too (<-delusional)

something about the first shizuo panel reminds me of aggretsuko. which is. actually. huh. arent they both like adults with anger issues. durarara aggretsuko au when

also deadass i forgot dennis existed until i read about him in a shizaya fanfiction and i was like "who's dennis" pfgfkhkd

so true though never throw kitchen knives kids

LMFAO HE JUST GAVE THEM MORE WORK INSTEAD OF RESPONDING

they're gonna be here all day at this rate. actually shizaya as fast food/restaurant staff au when because they'd have the stupidest rivalry known to man and i need it

fucking imagine shinra walks in and sees shizuo and izaya working by the counter

i hope izaya gets to eat fatty tuna by the end of this though. god knows he's gonna look cute as hell

made funnier by the fact that izaya at least definitely knows how to cook with how long he's been on his own and needed to feed his sisters

damn ive actually never seen someone's vein burst in a way where blood sprays out in anime akshGKJHJKSD thats impressive actually

dont look now but this may or may not inspire me to make a mermaid/pirate au (<-obsessed)

who needs kaiju battles when you can have blue fin tuna vs crab

they're literally never leaving this place bro they're gonna be stuck here for eternity. anyway here's a literary analysis of durarara pointing out why russia sushi is actually representative of dante's inferno /j

i want to read those blurbs so baddddd screams sobs bangs table

rip dennis dude he doesnt get paid enough to deal with shizaya

rippp time to listen to izaya pine hopelessly for the man he cant stop annoying for five seconds

simon had the right idea. too bad shizaya are shizaya

what is that face izaya. i cant tell if he's irritated that simon's right or irritated that simon cant understand how instinctual their hatred is or amused that simon thinks he and shizuo could be friends or amused because he thinks meaningless fighting is hilarious

oh......that kind of hurts actually

i can imagine izaya suggesting it as a joke and then lying in bed that night thinking about how it's never going to happen and it really sounds like a funny joke huh? (he is not crying)

i cant believe simon's been dealing with these bitches for like 7 years now like dude has the patience of a saint

😭give him his 50,000 yen simon

we can see that the crack in the sign is actually fixed now too ahhh time really flies when you're stuck in a relationship of mutual hatred

chibizaya is so cuteeeeeeeee

im sure he intended to paint himself that way in his recollection though pff

THATS RIGHT SHIZAYA BE THE PORCUPINES. SNUGGLE. DO IT

step aside erika, simon is the face of the shizaya nation now. especially with that "you just have a shizuo complex dont you" quote that i found the other day which i still havent recovered from

HAUDGHUSDH orihara izaya, pro unreliable narrator

hilarious how we never see tom's face. just his dreads lmfao

dennis and simon are so done with like izaya bro i think they can tell at this point that he's horrifically pining and has no healthy outlet for it. the bills go to him because they're bullying him

it'd be funny if they billed him 50,000 at the end actually pft

I KNEW WE'D GET THEM EATING TOGETHER!!! I HAD FAITH

they're so cute oh my god can i make that my header or something

10/10 chapter im going to punt izaya into a wall and get simon flowers

[carmenized-onions]

Yap sheet, live and in color!!

I wrote this as I was reading it, so it very well may be incoherent since I read the chapter almost immediately upon waking up. 😍 OH OH OH before i forget this is going to be really long, so my apologies, BUT !! Can i get put on the taglist? Pretty please 😛 .... wait adding this later I think im already on it 🤔

1.) I can taste what is happening here, i think, and I swear to god, if it ends up that he calls tony, calls ME THE READER, a distraction, I'll cry. Onion, you will have made me cry. Sigh. A dish getting sent back making him all wiggy does make a lot of sense, though, I fear.

2.) "He’s not meant to be a good person. He’s meant to be a good chef." :< i hate u that's so sad and isolating, and so on the nose for Carmy :<

-side note idk why but this :< and :> have become my absolute favorite lil emojis lately so silly

3.) Cue my eyes widening all comical and shit cause ONION "you should be dead" NOOOOOOOOOO L major L cause wtf

This yap sheet is gonna be mega long if i keep doing it like this, I'm ngl. But i think you'll enjoy it, so I might keep it up

4.) Yes, match our clothes to Carmy's eyes... or whatever !!!

5.) Poor Fak. "So Fak is gonna be our server?" "Yessir." "He any good?" "No Sir." And that's so real, actually. Okay, just read more, and Neil really is a small train wreck, and "Oh wow" definitely made me giggle

6.) I feel like im taking notes for class here, and i usually hate taking notes, so that's how you know you've got me by the balls with this story, Onion. Also, this is its own point bc ik ur gonna reply to these in order like this so this is me telling u that if u don't want me to send these this long i will not be offended cause this is gonna be so much. ALSO did this just for u bc I'll see in other asks when ur lamenting abt people not pointing out certain things (I TOTALLY get that btw) and I usually notice them but forget them in my yap sheet cause i do them after the fact so :> also this point is so long now okay this backfired on me.

7.) NOT TONY REFERRING TO THEIR RELATIONSHIP AS A RESERVATION thats so silly. I love that Fak was all. Oh, is that Carmy's jacket?? And Richie jumps straight to oh yall are fucking. NOT A SEX PAINTING OHMYGOD

8.) :< that's all I have to say about that sequence with Carmy that made me very :<

9.) Anyway, um Tony screaming at the sight of him is also very :< also him immediately thinking he is the problem or like the self loathing taking over is also so :< bc like UGH this poor man I really just want to give him the biggest hug in the world. But in Tony's defense, I, too, would get jumpscared by slicked back hair Carmen. I mean, I guess that tracks since Tony IS me, technically.

10.) Okay Fak appears like he's going to be this bad the whole time so unless theres smth specific to say, I'll just cap the Fak interaction here and say I feel for my man Neil bc I, too, am a very slow learner and I would probably also fall flat on my face just like this.

11.) Richie is so dear to me as a character, like that man held everything together in his two hands and got zero appreciation for it. And like, that is something I relate so heavily to. Richie watching Tiff move on must be so :< even if he does seem like he's made his peace with it

12.) Okay, so i just read for a lil while, but um. CARMY'S OLD BOSS SHOWING UP??? DIABOLICAL!! YOU ARE AN EVIL ONION FR like that's so vile. Also I will say that the syd comforting is so slay. Tony just going immediately into caretaker mode is so me actually

13.) THE RACIALLY TARGETED MILES MORALES BANDAIDS !!!!

14.) Anyway I love Syd and Tony and the let me love you is so URGHHHHH i just love them sm

15.) Okay so I hate that fucking guy but ,,, GO TONY !! Love that she basically just handed them their asses by being smart n shit.

16.) RATATOUILLE MENTION !!! Love

17.) Okay the fact that tony questions whether or not Carmen would defend her over impressing chef asshole is so UGH UGH UGH makes my chest all tight bc like, yes, I think he would, i think he absolutely would choose Tony over all of it but... then again.... UGH

18.) OH MY GODDDDDDDD CARMY WROTE TONY A NOTE FOR HER MEAL THATS SO. ITS SO. OH MY GODDD. Even when hes being a grade a dickface hes so sweet :<

19.) LOVE??? Yeah im so gone goodbye

20.) Oh im so dead the moment she got the plate I knew she was gonna give it to chef asshole but STILL IT STILL HURTS

21.) Okay yes im like very :< abt the nat and carmy convo but what is this did mikey have a lil folder abt chip tony like a journal type shit wtf onion

22.) NO THIS IS TERRIBLE NEWS CARMY THINKING SHE DATED MIKEY??? NOOOOO THIS IS EVEN WORSE ACTUALLY THIS IS SO BAD??

23.) I hate you. Thats all 🫶 that cliffhanger was abhorrent

No but fr that was phenomenal and i really hope you like this ugh. Ur writing so fucking good im like crying at the optometrist rn

ALRIGHT SPOILERS AHEAD IF YOU SKIPPED TO MY ANSWER N DIDN'T READ THE ASK !!! goin' under the keep reading for this one. Will this be the only ask I get through before I have to go run errands? We'll find out. Will there be a snapshot of the next chapter under the cut as a little treat? I honestly don't know, I'll have to look to see if there's anything I can give you that doesn't give away everything lmao.

Before we start though, I do want to note somewhere, I have finished the draft for the next chapter-- I usually don't do to much rework at this point, but I do think it'll need some decent edits-- It's very hard to write like, after a fight, yknow? Like I'm trying to do a very organic aftermath, as well, it's not just a complete cliffhanger, where I can time skip the awkwardness-- And that's like. Woo. Need to revise and make sure it's good.

Anyways, this is all to say:

Thank God I split this from the last chapter, eh? Almost dropped fucking 20k straight on your heads like a comical boulder.

Anyways time to actually REVIEW THIS WONDERFUL YAP SHEET LETS GO

YES you're on the taglist and never apologize for yapping, I do it all the time. And I love to be yapped back to. I know how much work goes into taking notes, so it genuinely really warms my fuckin' heart that you'd take that time for me thank you my love!!

OOH. I think bro gets very close to saying distraction, I think he says that he gets distracted, but never actually calls Tony one straight up. I do think Tony basically calls herself one at some point... Which... Baby, your self image pleaasse. AND YEAH, THE PLATE SENT BACK-- You'd all laugh if I showed you my notes app drafts, I literally have a note titled 'carmy mental snap' and a list of things to fuck with him psychologically that come to me throughout the day

Writing the not a good person, good chef, actually did make me realize what the fuck bro was yapping about in the Season 2 finale. I always like got the amusement or enjoyment line, but I don't think I fully understood what he meant because I was like-- You make food baby, that's a form of enjoyment-- It's not to him. It's money. He doesn't get joy out of being a chef, right now. UGH. I'M RUINED.

Yeah babyyyyy, the voice in his head is still his exeeccccc lets goooooo-- Pulled up the NYC scene dialogue, for that whole morning routine. Pulled all those lines straight from it. Major L to Jeff from Community. He had a major change in character smh

or WHATEVER!!!!!!

I promise I wasn't planning on dogging on Fak this much as a server, and then I watched the trailer, and no spoilers, he fucking bombs and I was like , well, okay, that's the game we're playing Mr Storer? I'll play,,,

DAWWW, again, I know how much this takes, and I should say-- Never feel pressure, lmao-- Whenever I poke at people for not noting things, it's just me poking fun i swear. I never want it to feel STRESSFUL to read these chapters, though (well, i guess i did want THIS one to feel stressful lmao), so please don't feel like you have to do this-- Do i love it? Yes. Do I also beg for essays? Yeah.,,, but like, like yknow what I mean-- Go at thine pace, baby

Richie and Syd are Tony's two besties, and them both immediately going SO YALL ARE FUCKING???? Feels very correct, to me. Sex painting also, I just think is such a Fak thing to whisper. I mean those canvases couples FUCK on, with paint covering, by the way, if that wasn't clear. I don't know how well known a thing that is. I went to art school, so. When worlds collide, yknow.

:< Zero Pulse Carmy L Count: 2 (the morning scene was rough)

I love seeing the different reactions to Tony yelling, because it's either like: AWE POOR CARMY or THATS SO FUCKING SCARY SHE SHOULD BE SCREAMING, WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM?-- And I love to see that.

I would 100% flail like this. Fak is me at my new admin job every day.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I went from a certified Richie Hater to a lover. Writing this fic I think also aided to that, alot, because it forced me to think very critically about like, what it fucking meant to stick around, when your best friend dies. Like me and my best girlfriend-- The Syd to my Tony, essentially, have both said repeatedly if one of us kicks the bucket, the other one is immediately yeeting it. Like. Richie staying alive let alone in the same place, that takes a lot of fucking strength. Love him.

DIABOLICALLLLLL HAAAAA, I did a little dance, when everyone started tweaking in the comments with that one. Love to see it. Got your asses with that surprise-- Got Carmen with it too, lmao. Can you imagine going to work already in a bad fuckin mood and then the Devil from your shoulder is like 'i'll be there in 30'? Ohhhh bitcchh--- I'd be doin worse than Carmy, tbh.

I would've dug so much more into the RACIALLY TARGETED MILES MORALES BANDAIDS!!!! if I was explicitly writing Tony as a POC, but I needed to give her a tamer response with 'i hate you'-- But to note, if I was going full WOC besties, it would've been fuckin' 'oh so you'd prefer peter parker?? racissstttttttt'-- Nothing says solidarity in the black/brown community like calling your fellow POC racist.

LET ME!!!! LET ME!!! Had that line written in my head for quite some time-- I've been planning this chapter since chapter 2, so it's like, like I really got to LIVEEE writing Tony/Syd, I adore them.

GO TONYYYYYY, I was worried I gave her too many talents, tbh. But like. Her title and nickname is Jack of All Trades, and it makes a lot of sense to me that being a Lead Paramedic = Fantastic under pressure, great at giving direction/leading, decent bedside manner + Repairman Level Memory + Wine Fascination since highschool = Not that many actual skills, but they all transfer into so many different branches. So I think she's not to OP lmao. WE'VE GOT TO NERF TONY.

The rat chef!!! I'm shocked no one found it frankly offensive Carmen hasn't seen Ratatouille-- But I do think that would be canon. I think Carmen's life would change dramatically for the better if he just fuckin' relaxed and watched Ratatouille.

RIGHT? I'm literally still debating the idea of what Carmen would do, in the scenario. Like, a lot rides on the idea of a star. His whole life and everyone elses--- Would he prioritize Tony? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm let's not think about it

The note, bah. What a sweetie. It's also like, written on the recipe card he drafted, too, so technically if she gained all the Michelin skills rn herself she could make it. Theoretically.

LOVEEEE...... moving on....

Speaking of Love, I have loved seeing the handful of people saying they knew immediately when she got that plate what Tony was gonna do about it. Like that is both touching to me as an author and also heartbreaking that on a story and character level, you immediately knew what Tony would do to herself there--- Bah.

JOURNAL IS INTERESTNG-- I wonder if Mikey would be the logging type. Maybe entirely unmarked in his notes app.

WOOOOFFFFFF

I'm sorry but I'm not sorry and I hope the OPTOMETRIST APPOINTMENT WAS GOOD DESPITE DA EMOTIONS HAHA

Now let's see, is there anything in the water I can give you here... Anything that won't spoil something,,,

There's not really much that isn't really emotionally charged, so I'll give you this, at least. Feels like any context of the next chapter is spoilery, but eh, read it if you'd LIKE to. haha. AGAIN-- THANK YOU LOVE!!!

[toastess-with-the-mostess]

Let's Rewind! Toast Watches Voltron: Defender of The Universe (1984)

Season 1, Episode 39: The Captive Comet Season 1, Episode 40: The Little Prince

Episode 39: The Captive Comet OH BOY IS THIS THE EPISODE I THINK IT IS, THIS IS GONNA BE FUN

Opening with Haggar dishing out some lore, yes please universe started with a big bang and that apparently created a comet that acted like a black hole that at some point Voltron banished to a far corner of the universe inch resting

this was a fairy tale for drule children? i wonder how that story would've gone

ROMELLE WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN IVE MISSED YOU SO MUCH

"take it easy zarkon, eaaaasy" Haggar smokes weed for sure

she sacrificed a star fleet to be able to control the comet, another thing that feels so similar to a plot point in vf

did they just pull Romelle out of her cell just to let her freak out about the omega comet heading to arus 😭 what a petty move lotor

smart cookie, she found a way to contact the team before getting found out

"human on arus" so is arus like a colony of earths that slowly became its own governing body? Inch resting, they will still be aliens to me though

how does Coran know about the secret plan that happened before voltron split into lions if he only found out voltron after it was split into 5?? I'm gonna make this lore make sense by the end of the episode I swear

early voltron formation, shits about to get real

oh man they already got to the comet? also why did Allura look so young in that scene?

Keith: maybe your right Lance: I know im right! get his ass lance

the secret plan is to go 4 sector power setting?? oh this is so a trap YEAH ITS A TRAP THEY'RE GETTING SUCKED INTO THE COMET AND LOTOR USED ROMELLE TO GET VOLTRON TO DO IT WHAT THAT WAS SUCH A GOOD PLAN

oh man voltron is trapped trapped for realises this time, he can't even get out of the comet's gravity

ofc they contacted the alliance for help, and they'd rather let Voltron die instead of giving any help "ill see what i can do" literally i want the alliance broken

PRINCE BANDOR COMING IN TO HELP THE TEAM LETS GOO again i need to make this lore make sense and by the end of this show i fucking will

YES I WAS RIGHT THEY'RE DEAD THE TEAM ACTUALLY DIED OH MY GOD YESS THIS IS SUCH A GOOD EPISODE

and now an entire fleet of doom (lol) is heading towards Arus IS THAT THE END OF THE EPISODE HOLY SHIT

/episode end

Episode 40: The Little Prince TWO PART EPISODE LETS GO

recaap time since this was a weekly premiering show

literally starting off with an invasion of Arus now that Voltron is gone, this is wild especially because it's not even the season finale

"Coran made the situation worse by calling Prince Bandor for help" I HATE THE GARRISON I HATE THE GARRISON I HATE THE GARRISON BARK BITE SNARL

"little fella" bandor you're only taller than pidge by a head shut up LMAO

Coran actually doing work for once and helping out, he's becoming a dependable person slowly but surely

Lotor is yelling about this next robeast being the most powerful there is,, my guy you say this every time just pick one of them to back and stick with it

"sorry we shouldve helped you when you asked earlier but now we're fucked and we genuinely can't do anything now <3" FUCK THE GARRISON I HATE THE GARRISON RAAA

GOD IS THAT YOU?? WHAT IS THIS

THEY'RE LITERALLY MEETING GOD AND SHE'S GIVING THEM A CHOICE, GO TO HEAVEN OR KEEP LIVING AND GO TO HELL WHEN THEY REALLY DIE

what heroes, they chose to end up going to hell if it meant being able to save the universe IMMEDIATELY NOTING THIS DOWN FOR FUTURE ANGST EVEN THOUGH I ALREADY KNEW ABOUT IT

VOLTRON LITERALLY HAS THE POWER OF GOD AND ANIME ON THEIR SIDE LMAOO

back to romelle and now she's chained up, what did they do to you bestie

ITS BANDOR COMING FOR HIS SISTER HE'S SO REAL FOR THAT

there he is! voltron to save the day and destroy that robeast with blazing sword!

i'm sorry couldn't follow lotor to planet doom? what bullshit

IS GOD TALKING TO ROMELLE? OH MY GOD, SHE GOT SHOT INTO THE PIT OF SKULLS NOT PUSHED

THIS IS A THREE PARTER HELLO???

/episode end

[hontou-baka]

relationship ranting idk

blurgh i hate when im slapped with similarities between my ex and my current bf

I got married without a wedding, or rings, or anything traditional, to my ex so I could use my own tax info for school (plus it seemed like a safe risk in a seven year long relationship lmao). The semantics of it were clearly unimportant to my ex (i had to buy us both rings, and again, no wedding) and i felt embarrassed bc those things are important to me, so we never told anyone about getting married really.

Now that I'm close to getting the divorce done before baby comes, my bf is talking marriage. But in the same "just for the legal benefits" way. And i do want to get married... And i know it would help his taxes and whatnot... But my heart breaks thinking about doing the exact same dumb thing again, and idk i can make myself do it. Like... Sorry, prove im important enough to you to spend a couple hundred on a cute ring, get some photos of us taken together, hell even if he saved money for a nice elopement trip thats fine! I feel like aggretsuko with the donkey guy... Tadase? Idk i dont remember. Im sorry im kind of basic but as a cisgendered white woman that was raised mormon, ive dreamed about a beautiful wedding and feeling loved and celebrated since childhood... I think i should stand my ground on this :/

Another thing. Both have sleep issues and expect me to get up with them in the morning to help them get ready so they can sleep in as much as possible. And im made to feel bad about it if i complain because i dont have sleep issues. Im sorry you havent bothered your whole adult life to find a way to manage with your sleep problems, and im happy to make you food while you shower here and there, but that should not just be expected of me! And its not reciprocated! Its not like i make him get up with me, i would just leave him be and let him sleep because... I love him? Want him to be comfy? Ugh.

While im venting, ADHD IS NOT AN EXCUSE TO NOT DO CHORES REGULARLY!!!!! I DONT CARE!!!!! IF HIM AND I DONT WORK OUT IM GONNA HAVE ADHD BE A RED FLAG I SWEAR TO GOD BC EVERYONE I KNOW W IT REFUSES TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO LIVE WITH IT!!!! Im getting beyond furious that he has to be asked FOR EVERY. LITTLE. THING. You eat and use dishes. You put your dishes with the other dirty dishes. Thus. YOU ARE LOOKING AT THE PILE OF DIRTY DISHES... MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY. YOU CANNOT USE THE "OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND" EXCUSE IN OUR TINY ROOM!!!! YOU CAN *SEE* THE FULL LAUNDRY BASKET THREE FEET AWAY FROM YOU!!!! YOU CAN SEE THE GOD DAMN CHORE CHART TWO FEET AWAY FROM YOU I MADE SO YOU COULDNT USE THE "BUT IDK WHAT TO DOOO OR HOW TO HEEELP" EXCUSE!!!!! YOU CAN SMELL WHEN THE CAT TAKES A HUMAN SIZED SHIT AND KNOW YOU NEED TO SCOOP TOMORROW!!!!!! YOU!!!! JUST!!!!! DONT!!!!!!! *WANT TO*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the funniest fucking thing is i TRULY wouldnt mind having a more "traditional" setup, id be fine doing 90% of the chores if he even worked 20 hours/wk consistently. But im thinking as soon as i feel recovered from birth i want to find a job myself because he just lets his anxiety win too much and cant hold a job, and i have actual goals in life lmao 🤪🤪🤪 but if i made him a stay at home parent im sure id be coming home to a world of frustration (things that need done never being done). Im just at the end of my rope bc with chronic mental and physical health issues, i get he cant do what most people can (same goes for me, not as severe on the physical side tho) but god it so often feels like weaponized incompetence. And i think it partially is. Ive talked to him about this over and over and it always ends with "just tell me or ask... Even though you shouldn't have to..." BUT THATS THE POINT!!!! IM NOT GONNA BEG YOU TO HELP ME KEEP OUR LIVING QUARTERS NOT MISERABLE, MAN!!!!! USE YOUR EYES AND YOUR HEAD!!!!

I joked about banning war thunder for a week post birth and he seemed shocked id even think about asking him to not game for a week (his only hobby/leisure activity). Idk.

ok that feels better i guess ill get back to my mashed potatoes

[bi-demon-ium]

s2 ep4 liveblog!

uh oh !

GOING TO DIE OF ANXIETY ALREADY<3 literally nothing has happened yet

we’re still in the flashbacks/recap and I’m literally like oh im gonna puke oh no oh nooooo

mr benedict…number two….the kids…constance…..sebastian….AAAAAAA

OKAY HERE WE GO

four smelly american kids dlkfgjdfg

“no you speak bad portuguese”

“why would a man spend a sports team to follow you” LDKGJLDKJFG THEY’RE JUST HAVING THIS CONVERSATION AND THE TAXI DRIVER CAN JUST HEAR ALL OF THIS. “revenge is a dish served cold” “agree.” HE CAN JUST HEAR YOU HE CAN JUST HEAR ALL THIS

THE TALK OF KIDNAPPING AND WHISPERER

“we can outsmart anyone” “debatable” “it’s rude to listen in you know” [in Portuguese] “I don’t speak English”

THIS TAXI DRIVER IS SO FUNNY WHAT THE FUCK

i love him. who is he

although i do hope constance ruins him

THEME SONG???? WITH THAT???? GIRL IM BITING YOU.

honestly I thought before this started the taxi driver might be working with curtain (or possibly against him somehow but meh)

but now I think he’s just a little guy<3 a funky man

LEATHER HOLE PUNCH? WHY DO YOU HAVE THESE.

the whole bucket? absolutely not.

no NO NO NO CONSTANCE NO

NO CONSTANCE THAT’S GOING TO BE THE CLUE THEY NEED ISN’T IT

FUCK NO FUCK

also I love constance

I Am Having A Panic Attack

ANYWAY.

I adore constance. glkjfghgh “KATE could have figured that out” mean but funny. I love her

HEY WHY IS IT FREEZING NOO

nooNOONONONO WHY IS IT FREEZING I SWEAR IF I MISS WHOLE MINUTES BECAUSE OF THI—NOOOO I MISSED SOMETHING FUCK

ohh now just skipping to it

WHAMMIED MR BENEDICT ☹(

“your word. now that something” is right where I started which. HUGE OOF.

but also what is he talking about

volcano demonstration,,,,,

oh my god “no price too high” “…to pay for discovery” oh

oh this whole interaction is ominous its so scary im so sad what the fucj

okay now number two is. getting out of the pie truck??? was she let out??? what is hapepening .

also I don’t think this is going to happen but it would be extremely funny if she just ran into the kids. like just out and about.

I love rhonda

LDKJGFLDKJFG SHES LIKE “SHOULD WE JUST FUCKING ABANDON MISS PERUMAL” AND MILLIGANS LIKE MM MAYBE BUT WE ALREADY KNOW SHES GONNA PULL UP IN A STOLEN MOTORCYCLE THIS IS GOING OT BE SO FUNNY

THERE ITI S

I love miss perumal so much

and all of them

I love rhonda just watching all of this

rhonda and miss perumal pairing <33

DID YOU HOTWIRE THIS

THERE ARE THINGS YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT ME

EX CAR THIEF MISS PERUMAL????????

HYSTERICAL IM WHEEZING.

still extremely mad about the part that I just missed though. I have no idea what happened from constance saying “I don’t cheapen it” to curtain saying “oh, your word. now that is something” and I literally don’t know if that’s a big gap or like almost nothing and its driving me like. mildly insane? anyway

ohhhh the clip we saw

ohhhhhh they’re gonna need the necklace

ohhhhhhhhhh nooooooooooooooooooo

still think its very funny sticky calls constances psychicness as unscientific lmao

OH HGLKJFGLHK FLASHBACK

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

“I wish to be free of pointless commands” ohh….

CONSTANCE PUTTING THE FLAME OUT WITH HER FINGER LDKJFGH

oh I love their outfits…rhondas shirt and mr benedicts whole thing especially

rhonda and number two’s interactions ohhhh

SAWING THE CAKE FUCKING WEIRDOS I LOVE THEM

also CONSTANCE’S BIRTHDAY<3

I love hpw she includes people in her li—ADEQUATE CHESS PARTNER AND HE LOOKS SO PLEASED<3

“this is my home” oh

oh… it’s a little shell with a pearl……

“this is slightly ugly” and he looks deeply pleased I love them both

“you sacrificed it. for my bucket” oh,,

“We’re GETTING your locket back”

oh…… Jackson and jillson showing marlon sebastian and paula

also them knowing paula’s name when he didn’t

fglalkdfjglkdgfj “I don’t see the problem” [in unison] “UHHHH???”

“…OR?”

IS HE CURRENTLY IN A GOOD MOOD

THIS IS SO FUNNY

ALSO I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

I ADORE JACKSON AND JILLSON SO MUCH

paula isn’t smiling though. is sebastian still smiling I can’t remember and they’re not showing them again

TAXI DRIVER AGAIN. ;FGKD;LFG KATE AND REYNIE JUST VISIBLY ARGUING WITHIN EYESIGHT

I hope this is part of the plan

very funny if it isn’t

oh is she pretending she stole something

oh are they saying the locket is fake

NOT THE MULTI-TOOL

IS IT GOING TO BE THE MULTI TOOL

I HOPE NOT

dkfgj what is that.

what did they give him help fglhkjfg

also lmao reynie helped run a con<3

SERIOUSLY WHAT DID THEY GIVE HIM

number two why would you go to the police. weren’t you just scolding mr benedict for this kind of stunt

oh is that the irony shes going to be in the position mr benedict was in?

“SOMEONE’S FINALLY AT THE WHEEL” OH?

COMPULSORY OR NOT? THAT IS FUCKED UP WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN

OHHHH SHES GOING TO TRY AND CALL THE HUOSE AND NO ONE WILL BE THERE…… FUCK

rhonda and miss perumal again on the bike

DLFKFGJD HERE COMES MILLIGAN TRYING TO JUST FUCKING BOOK IT

SIR YOU CANT JUST BOOK IT

PLEASE

they just squint after him hilarious

MILLIGAN. WHAT THE FUCK

MILLIGAN WHAT THE FUCK YOU BEAUTIFUL STRANGE MAN

“you stole the gas” “I left ample compensation and a workman like note” dlgkjfgh

This is slightly ruined by him and miss perumal sharing a smile and I am paranoid again<3 if its nothing then I love this if theyre planning Something then im screaming and biting

ANYWAY

also you know this means he had to rely on that she’d be wearing it, that she’d want to wear it……..

and this is the part from the trailer where they scatter bc curtain’s men showed up dkgfljdgh

as she says that

yep! there they are!

also very funny Jeffers is the head scary one because he’s such a loser and like visibly so

ohhhh hes fighting it I think

oh nooooo

NUMBER TWO’S BACK

LKDJFGLKJDFG you stole a pie truck

dflkgjg no one believed me—yeah I mean what did you expect??

I CALLED MY FAMILY IN LUXENBURG???? YOUR WHAT????

DLKGJLKGJFGH mr benedict: YES :D

“curtan did his thing to you” UH OH

HER FACE GOD HER FACE

GOD IM DYING

FUCK

MY GOD

its worse bc he was fighting it before she got back I think the way he kept going back and forth

and now he cant stop smiling and shes just like oh god oh no

oh yes because them sitting completely catatonic (and not smiling anymore, both of them) is normal and fine

I think it’s especially weird they’re not smiling at all

another one in grim unison

also again im pretty sure that’s still not mr Oshiro

“Do I have a pen?”

fkglhlkfhjfgh palindrome, Germany

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT STICKY THERE IS NO WAY THAT’S COMMON KNOWLEDGE

burrgurb???? lmao

DLKFGJDKG REYNIE I LOVE YOU

I know we’ve seen the plan shake and bake thing but it’s still funny

oh did they JUST arrive just in time to miss them? fuck

stop being creepy jeepers

SHE TRADED COATS WITH HER?????? DLKFGJDKFGJ

missed high five rip

water polo team and the greys don’t know each other?????? WAIT THE WATER POLO TEAM AREN’T CURTAINS??????? I feel like I should have expected that but

I wonder if it’s martina or garrison

(martina: wlw sports, garrison: red hair idk lkgfjfgh)

I love that constance just constantly attack mode

so it’s probably the water polo team that kidnaps curtain—the surprising foe or whatever?

I love how shes just holding the whistle like that. huge same

OH REYNIE DOZING ON STICKY’S SHOULDER,

more sticky and constance interactions<33

LKJFGHLKJFGHLKJGH

“now. i sleep.” [immediately slumps over] HILARIOUS I LOVE HER.

its gonna cut to him asleep + constance gone in a second isn’t it

oh I thought it’d be a fast cut that’s almost worse

uh oh uh oh uh oh!

gonestance!!!!

[bluiex]

Hello! Its the Emerald Showers bring Desert Flowers Anon (ESDF? I guess?) coming in with a steel chair- I bring content! This is a flashback scene I’m writing but I think it perfectly encapsulates Mumbo’s Sus-nes. BTW I give Grian swearing rights. This Fic is looking to be very long.. oops I struggle to simplify things so I guess it makes sense.

Anyways! Enjoy! :))) (this will be a long post, im on mobile so like this is a mess so sorry)

———

Grian's heard the saying ‘the night is young!’ far to many times in a single night for it to still be a real phrase because, just how young can a night be really?

Besides the dishes piled sky high on the washing up counters spoke otherwise, front and back of house staff promptly ignoring the growing pile in fear of getting stuck on washing up duty for the night. It feels like a whole country of people have come a gone at this rate and theres not a single person getting younger here, especially not him.

He's only twenty nine and he can feel the gray hairs as another newbie scurries past him into the backdoor to the bar, knocking into him on their way past with a sheepish “Sorry!”

They must be new, you don’t say sorry in this industry.

Bartending is Grian’s dream job, honest! He loves art in all of its forms but theres no greater feeling the making a beautifully crafted cocktail in front of a guest and watching their look of awe. Maybe he’s just a people pleaser, but behind the bar he feels his anxieties drift away and he’s not even the one drinking the alcohol.

Besides, drunk people can be highly amusing. Some days its a pain in the ass and others its free entertainment.

So yeah, its safe to say Grian loves his line of work. But by gods, he swears if he needs to polish one more weirdly shaped glass he’s gonna throw it at whoever decided it was a good idea to shape said glass into the shape of a fucking flamingo!-

Mumbo bursts through the doors to the kitchen balancing a hefty amount of plates and cutlery and looking no less than stressed, dumping the stacks onto the nearby counter top before taking off past him in direction of his office.

Is he covered in tomato soup? And.. raw potatos? Where did they come from?

“Mumbo?-“ Grian tries from his position of awkwardly leaning against the to-big-for-him doorway leading to the cleaners closet, still in the motion of grabbing a now soapy mop and bucket.

One of his trainees, Wilbur, somehow managed to go arse-up so fast with a bottle of settlers ridge in hand that when he hit the ground the bottle spun across the floor like this is spin the body before it collided into a small shelf containing more settlers ridge, to which also hit the ground shattering to pieces leaving what could have been, essentially, hundreds of dollars on the floor.

Now theres a twenty year old man having a borderline panic attack in the cool room, crying about how hes awful, sorry, the spawn of all evil and about how.. the anteaters made him do it?

Yeah. Grian would ask Wilbur how he manages such feets of pure insanity but he fears the response he’d get so he stays quiet.

“Theres no time to chat Grian!” Mumbo calls from over his shoulder but stops in his tracks anyways, twisting around on his heel to face Grian hand on his hip with wiping away sweat with the other. He sighs.

Despite his frantic demeanour and blatant attempt at ignoring him in favour of hiding away in his office as usual, theres something off about the man tonight. Which, admittedly, isn’t much because theres always something up with Mumbo. He’s skittish, strange and acts like he is a kid who is constantly being caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

Grian doesn’t have time to wonder about the logistics of Mumbo’s strange behaviour (which is also usual) before Grian is ambling up to where Grian is still stiffly holding up the dripping mop which also seems much to big for him (seriously was this made for giants?). Mumbo reaches over to grab the mop from his hand and then the bucket, grabbing it for himself before walking a bits away again.

Grian, finally coming back to reality, dumbly follows his friend (and boss) out of the small hallway to the wash up station where Mumbo leans against the counter with a shaky expression, eyebrows furrowed and lip pulled tight.

He wants to rant, Grian can tell, so he absentmindedly motions towards him with his head and a knowing look. Mumbo gives him a sheepish smile and breaks into what is probably a well deserved rant.

“My goodness Grian, you would never believe the audacity of table thirteen-“

To which grian tunes out immediately. Hey, he loves drama but hes tired.

Not tired enough to not notice a suspicious red and dripping fork which his boss obviously hadn’t ended up dropping in the tray with the other cutlery, instead holding it in a death grip with whitening knuckles.

“Mumbo?” Grian begins:

“And I said- huh?” Mumbo stutters, stopping in his frantic pacing to make eye contact with Grian. Grian finds himself shrinking under the very unthreatening gaze for whatever reason. “Oh, yes Grian?”

“Okay, A) why are you holding a singular fork? and B) why does said fork look like its been dipped in red paint and dragged a across a wall like a paintbrush?

“Oh! This fork?” Mumbo said, bringing the fork up in front of his face and staring at it intensely. He moves it away from his face, not bothered by the blotch of red it leaves in his moustache. He waves it around a little. “Mr. Jorgensen and his mates we’re having the Chef’s special! Y’know, the Greek tomato soup with orzo?”

“Yes?” Grian said, watching as Mumbo moves to drop the fork in the tray of cutlery and he watches as the water is stained red.

Huh. But wait-

“And they used a fork? With.. soup?”

“Who am I to judge how my customers eat their food Grian?!” Mumbo gasps, feigning an offended look. Or maybe he is actually offended he can’t tell. “That’s their friends job.”

A couple shouts echo down the hall followed by a crash and a bunch muffled cursing causes Mumbo to perk up, seemingly remembering what he was doing before their conversation. “Duty calls, you don’t become the boss for sitting around!” And off he goes disappearing behind walls, shelves and bustling chefs.

“Wait a minute!-“ Grian manages but it isn’t heard leaving him standing awkwardly in the kitchen.

What had he been doing again?

Nevermind, Mumbo’s back. “Oh and by the way, your little assistant has dropped a whole tray of glasses on the Harris’s, so you might wanna-“

“SHIT”

Grian has never been out a door do faster, a frantic apology and a scolding for his stupid (he’s not stupid, just learning) assistant already on his tongue.

Grian is far to busy racing across the restaurant to play damage control to think about the fact that Mr. Jorgensen never showed up to his table and how hes an old man with no friends nor the way Mumbo’s gloves are stained and the way that nervous look had faded away to relief behind his back.

Wait a minute. That man stole his goddamn mop!

asokdfh THIS IS AMAZING DUDE Thank you so muhcfor sharing this aaaaahhh! I wanna read M O R E (I love Mumbo in this so far)

[witch-isnt-an-insult]

(to preface im queer and genderqueer)

oh my god it’s almost as if??? queer people don’t want to kill millions of people (including the queer people inside of palestine) just because they have social issues like any other place??? and don’t have the resources to focus on social issues because they’re trying to stay alive???? it’s almost as if some people can pull their heads out of their ass??? and not be a completely privileged and self centered cunt?? if you seriously think continuing to kill an entire group of people just because they’re being killed by someone who has the resources to work on their social issues (and who’s pink washing, not to mention gay marriage isn’t even recognized there) rethink.

would also like to add! a LOT of the population is children!! literal fucking kids!! do you seriously think that those 1-5 years olds that were killed have any sense of homophobia?? they’re literal babies!! they innocent!!

and when they grow up, some of them will be queer and see how their own community shunned them and wished they were dead, and some of them see how cruel some queer people were, saying they and their family should all just die because of something they couldn’t control? not gonna be a good fucking look and this shit is not gonna get better! they’re going to think we’re cruel and the people who pink wash will have no one to blame but themselves. they were cruel after learning something about Palestine and it’s going to be dished right the fuck back. I swear if i hear one person who used pink washing bitch about how “see? they should’ve died! they’re still homophobic all grown up and it’s not like we did anything” im going to punch them in the fucking mouth i swear.

stop using queerness to justify genocide!

genocide is not how we move forward!

[garlique]

i swear to god we love our partner so so so much but sometimes he is THEEEE most frustrating creature on this planet !!!!! i was trying you know before i left for boston to do the normal cleaning i like to do before i leave for trips because i like to come home to a clean space and he's fucking stopping me like every single time he catches me saying no no dont worry about it im gonna get this apartment spotless while youre gone im like okay yeah fine. he likes cleaning and is a lot better at it than we are since we dont really have experience. he texts us today. says he hasn't done any cleaning yet, he found MOLD on the windows in our kitchen, but he's actually going to do his third baking project since i've been gone !!! wow !!! he has NEVER once cleaned as he went he is always 'get it done and clean it up afterward' except he is a spoonie so he is always too tired from baking to clean it up so it just. fucking sits. like i wouldn't be mad if he just like left the dishes but he will literally strew the counter with garbage and crumbs and sticky shit and then GET UPSET WHEN WE GET ANTS AND FLIES. so j am 1000% sure that i am coming home to a filthy fucking kitchen and a living room and bedroom full of garbage and instead of spending the week after i get back fucking recovering from being kn the hellscape that is our parents house, we will spend it cleaning the mess we were TRYING to clean BEFORE we left. i love him so much but this is really fucking frustrating.

[frengles]

sometimes i think about what a commonplace tragedy it is that so many of us are lonely in our own very different weird little ways and sometimes we can connect across that and it is precious and wonderful but sometimes it just doesn’t work and you try to make it fit when it doesn’t and it just hurts. i suppose this is what makes those precious connections more precious but lord i am tired of trying to make it fit

[ncityavenue]

Can you do an oneshot with Mark? It can be about anything, I don't necessarily know what specifics to request😅

I love how the first one i get is abt my ult. I love u for this<3 ANYWAYS. BARE WITH ME IF THIS NOT GOOD THIS IS VERY ON THE SPOT OK.

Genre:humor, suggestive

Title: Dishes

Pairing: Mark x black reader

────────────────────────

"NO ARE YOU SERIOUS? OH MY GOD." Mark exclaimed as he tangled his hands through his hair, you giggled seeing a competitive cutie infront of you.

"Guess you're gonna be doing the dishes today baby." You smirked trying to hide your booming laugh.

Mark sucked his teeth looking shamefully at the floor,"You know... why can't we just be civil adults and do the dishes together as a couple and not do 20 rounds of rock,paper, scissors."

You raised an eyebrow as Mark got closer to you wrapping a arm around your torso, "nope, nuh-uh, hell no, you are not going to seduce me just for me to do the dishes while you try to fuck me from behind. IM GONNA BE A CHILD OF GOD TODAY."

Mark chuckled as he brushed his lips against your neck, "no I'm saying, we'll do it together. Meaning you'll wash the dishes and I'll fu-"

"Didn't I just say we ain't doin' that?"

"Pleaseeee just this once I won't even be whiny I swear."

You gave him a emotionless face, "you meana tell me a few weeks ago you were telling me I was crazy for having a quickie with you in the living room but now you Wanna fuck me while I DO THE DISHES?"

"There's a difference, Jungwoo was with us in the living room. Plus we still had sex just not in the living room." Mark defended as he kissed down your neck, you sighed trying to fight his sultry acts.

"..we're in the kitchen...Where we eat."

"We don't eat in the kitchen we eat in our bedroom-"

"We still make food here."

"C'mon just a lil hump, I won't ask for more. I'll take blue balls for today." Mark squeezed you a bit, you huffed as contemplated your options.

"Just one. ONE. UNO. HANA (하 나). NUMBER ONE." You scolded, you honestly liked being hard to get and making mark beg a bit but gave in because you just wanted to see your boy satisfied.

Mark rubbed himself against you as he whined a bit, you felt his hard-on but continued to do the dishes.

"Uhmmm... Mark,Y/n?"

You nearly snapped your neck looking to your side seeing haechan stand right by the kitchen table with a plate in his hand looking traumatized as ever.

"Oh shiiii-.." You trailed off looking down.

"Why are you humping your girl like a horny dog?" Haechan questioned making you bust out laughing but quickly slapping your hand over your mouth to not embarrasse your Boyfriend.

"Uhm— just- put your dish in the sink so she can clean it and get out" Mark demanded.

"No way, I'm watching the Premiere of House of Dragons, y'all should get out." Haechan argued.

Mark huffed as looked at you who was currently and innocently washing the dishes, "Don't laugh at me."

"I told you! And you started it!" You defended as you sprinkled some water on Mark.

He nervously laughed as he started getting red, once he was a horn dog next he's back to his awkward stuttering Shy boy.

What're you gonna do with him?

────────────────────────

[moonyshiro]

...

[not-me-simping-for-blasty]

some thoughts on what living with bakugou would be like:

-he’s weirdly organized. like he remembers where he put everything every time so if ur ever looking for something, most times he’ll just find it for u and it takes like .2 seconds

-will cook meals a large majority of the time, but if u bake sweets he’s an absolue sucker for them.

-if you’re like reALLY allergic to a certain type of bug or plant,, man’s got his eyes pEELED whenever y’all go somewhere together. like lets say, for example, ur allergic to bees. bakugou is blowing bees up left and right and u look at him and ur “no!! stop!!! bees are endangered!!” ,, he looks u dead in the face, like ur stupid or something and says “yeah. because of me. i’m gonna kill all of them.”

- if u have to get in an argument with somebody over the phone, he wants to hear it. like he’ll ask u to put the phone on speaker and he’ll just make mocking, bitchy faces while the other person is speaking. like,, he lets u fight ur own battles, but he wants to be there bullying the other person mercilessly in the background.

-if he doesnt like a song ur playing, he’ll just skip it. won’t ask, wont look at u, he’ll just skip it. borderline dick move tbh

-gets grumpy if u don’t follow his nightly routine on time, but also wont go to sleep without u. like he’ll just stay up and crab at u until u go to bed with him

-likes when u brush his hair for him. like u’ll be brushing yours, totally by urself fine, and he’ll just look at u and clear his throat until u roll ur eyes and beckon him over

-if u get like a bag of junk food or something,, do nOt leave that shit out, bakugou will finish it 10/10 times. he’ll finish it but then look at u and “why the fuck would u even bring that shit in here, huh? u tryin’ to get me out of shape or somethin?” ,, and u look at him like “idk man maybe just dont eat it then.” ,,, the glARE he gives u in response is muRDEROUS //pls this is quite literally the only area he lacks self control dont remind him\\

-has absolutely no regard for neighbors. he yells a lot and if y’all get noise complaints he just glares and 😡💥at the neighbor until they get scared and leave

-he thinks it’s funny to just subtly move things from time to time. like, for example, lets say plates. ,,, so like, u always keep plates on the left side of a certain cabinet, right?? but if he’s putting dishes away and feeling particularly petulant that day, he’ll just put away the plates on the right side instead. man’s then proceeds to smirk and laugh at u every time u open the wrong side of the cabinent from then on with a “jeez, u rlly are a moron, huh? they’re on the right side, remember?” god he’s annoying

-genuinely enjoys going grocery shopping by himself. like idk he just thinks it’s his quiet, personal time, u kno?? and he enjoys doing super-intense meal prep for the week anyways so he’s gotta make sure he gets the right ingredients

-u just hear muffled screaming from time to time. like u’ll be in the kitchen eating breakfast totally calm, and he’s making the bed and all the sudden just a “jesus fucking christ, swear to fuck im gonna blow up this stupid fuckin’ fitted sheet!” (which honestly??? valid. fuck fitted sheets.)

-if he doesn’t want to hang out with the bakusquad but they’re forcing him he’ll text u something like “I love you.” and then ofc ur like “i love u too. but also, u never just say that to me normally?? is something wrong?” and then total radio silence from him for like 20 mins and u get super worried,, and then he just sends u a video of mina or denki being loud with a “Can you get sick or something? I want to come home.” ,, i- 🧍

- isnt going to want a pet,, but if u have, like, a dog already when u move in with him, then it’s going to become bakugou’s dog. if he’s going to have to have a dog than he’s gonna make sure it likes him more than u

-hates doing laundry. will volunteer to do dishes instead 11/10 times

-he doesn’t sing in the shower but 100% plays the drums on the walls or his own stomach fight me on this

-he hates the smell of nail polish/nail polish remover. so if ur painting ur nails he’ll just walk in the room and walk directly out,, quickest way to get alone time

-speaking of alone time- say bye. u’ll get none of it,,, it’s not that he’s constantly on top of u or like talking to u, he just always sorta ends up in whatever room u are. like a cat, pretty much. like he won’t say anything, but if u get up to do something, he gets up and chooses to move his lounging to somewhere nearby

-he likes to scare the shit out of u. just like, rlly juvenile stuff like hiding around corners just to jump out at u. will just stand there and laugh when u scream, and will never, never apologize

-he gets weirdly worked up about hair?? just hates it, thinks it’s disgusting if he sees a stray hair anywhere. even if its his own. like yes it’s gross ig, but he gets so 🤮 about it

-he does house chores unecessarily loudly. like, u watch him and it seems like he’s doing everything totally normally,, but jesus christ why is it so loud

-gets bitchy around christmas if u decorate without him. he will complain the eNTIRE time if he does have to decorate, but will throw an even bigger fit if u dare to do it without him

-he gets mad if people drive too fast in ur neighborhood/ past ur apartment complex. like, y’all have 0 (zero!) kids, but he’s still up at the window like “Slow the fuck down, asshole! Why the hell doesn’t anyone have any common fuckin’ sense around here? That’s dangerous, you piece of shit!”

-if u sing around the house a lot, it’s the only habit of urs he’ll have absolutely nothing to say about. like it doesn’t even matter if ur a good singer or not, he just likes when he can hear u in the house even if ur not in the same room. he finds it comforting

-bakugou hates having people over to ur place. he thinks of it like his calm-space/safe-haven and it rlly pisses him off when people are there

-on the rare days he doesn’t have to work at all and stays home, mans is a total baby. he just refuses to get up for anything other than bathroom or meals and even then goes straight back to bed. he takes basically a 24 hr nap and expects u to do the same with him he’s so dramatic pls

-will make snarky comments about reality tv shows with u. just the bitchiest shit possible bc he enjoys trash talking as an art form, and absolutely does not care who it’s about

-likes to watch u do skincare stuff. he won’t ask questions and will be borderline offended if u offer some to him, but he just likes to watch u do it. man’s thinks of it as like his personal asmr

-hates online shopping. (pls i have absolutely no explanation for this one i just know its true)

-he has a lot of pride in his house so it’s actually rlly well decorated. like, he would never consent to living somewhere busted, lmaooo, so if u dont kno how to decorate he’ll figure it out for the both of u

-u can always tell if he’s falling asleep bc he constantly does that weird full-body jerk. like the one where it feels like ur falling

[gingeraleluke]

𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗼𝘅𝗲𝗿 ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ꜰᴏᴜʀ

𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴: underground boxer!vinnie x influencer!fem!reader

𝘀𝘆𝗻𝗼𝗽𝘀𝗶𝘀: time to go catch some sun with the gays and avoid all of the drama back home! let’s just hope things sail smoothly without her…

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴: swearing, some sex talk?, mention of insecurities/self conscious reader

𝗔/𝗡: first song of the series!! 👀

i have a playlist for the book but since we are only on chapter four, y’all won’t get it till it’s finished!

i highly suggest listening to the songs in this series while reading!! it definitely helps set the mood <3

im so glad you guys are enjoying this as much as i am.. it’s gonna get wild i promise!! i have nothing to say so just read it lmao 🤪

series masterlist

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

“okay, what the FUCK am i supposed to say to that?” y/n squealed while slapping mo with a pillow.

everyone around her was freaking out at vinnies reply to her message while she was trying to comprehend exactly what was going on.

“i mean.. should i even reply?”

mo and kane gasped. “what? no! just tell him how you feel.” fred spoke up and everybody nodded.

honestly, y/n wanted nothing but to be with vinnie. he was a bit of an asshole and sure he threatened her brother, but fuck… was he hot.

“oh, god…drakes gonna kill me..” she quickly typed a reply and hit send before she could even think about it. her brain was swimming in vodka and she couldn’t care less about whatever the consequences of her actions would be.

what would you do if i said yes?

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

everyone left and it was now just mo, kane, and y/n.

the couple were fast asleep in their beds as y/n was sprawled out on mo’s pull out couch, her head already pounding from the alcohol.

it had been around two hours since she sent the risky text to vinnie, and her heart was racing. she tried to make a pros and cons list in her head but everything was too fuzzy up there for her to focus.

me?

i’d call drake and tell him his little sisters drunk

i suggest you go to bed before you send me something you’ll regret in the morning

well, damn.

that’s embarrassing.

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

music was blaring through her headphones as she brushed through her hair. she caught a reflection of herself in the mirror and decided to wear a white tank top over her white bikini top. she had a pair of blue basketball shorts on and a pair of sunglasses on her head.

she straightened her hair while singing along to some pop song that she had stuck in her head. she was getting ready for a pool party at this place that zach and quinn rented out. she knew that quinn had something to tell her, but had no idea what it might be. y/n was excited to have a little break from drake and his drama, but she definitely couldn’t keep vinnie off of her mind.

maybe this will help me get my mind off of him

once her hair was nice and straight, she slipped on some flip flops before walking to the kitchen. drake was in his bed, fast asleep. she couldn’t keep herself from yawning and almost poked her eye out with her mascara earlier. it was way too early in the morning.

she walked behind the counter and read the clock on the oven that read the time 5:39.

god, i wanna go back to bed.

she knew today would be a good day though, and stayed positive while rummaging through the cabinet. she ended up making some eggs and bacon to start her day. it was one of her favorites.

she scrolled through instagram as she ate, before putting her dishes in the sink and grabbing her bags, getting a text that her ride was there. she made sure to pack her gift for mo before leaving. it was their friendaversary, and she knew she had to buy her something sweet and meaningful. she remembered when she slept over at mo’s place and a commercial came on for a blanket that wrapped around your feet like a mermaid tail. mo was ecstatic, jumping up and down at pointing at the tv. kane rushed out to see what the fuck was going on, and she begged him to buy it for her. he dismissed her and went back to bed, leaving mo determined to find their website and purchase it herself.

the only problem was, there was only one size and it was for children 4-10. mo was most definitely bigger than a ten year old and was upset for the rest of the night. she cursed the government for god knows what, and was speaking incoherent phrases about how her life sucked.

y/n decided to do some research and found a woman who knitted mermaid blankets in adult sizes. she reached out to her and asked for a custom blanket just for mo. she measured herself and added a few inches, mo being a bit taller than her, and sent the info to the woman right away. y/n picked out a specific shade of blue that she knew mo loved, and it would even match her freshly dyed hair. when the package for the present came, she immediately ripped it open and saw that it was perfect. there was a little tag sawn in at the bottom with moriah written on it in a beautiful calligraphy style, and the yarn was as soft as a feather.

she decided not to post anything just yet, since it was way too early in the morning and walked outside to find zach and mo looking at her through the window of zach’s car.

“what’s up bitches?!” y/n yelled, her flip flops slapping against the concrete as she made her way towards the white jeep, her bags in her hands and her earbuds wrapped around her ladybug case.

“there she is!” zach shouted as mo started banging on the glass. he pulled out his camera and aimed it towards y/n. “look who finally decided to show up!”

“let’s move, bitch! i want to get this show on the road!” mo exaggerated her words by swinging open the car door and moving to the right side of the car. y/n chuckled at her words and sat in the back seat of the car, before closing the door and buckling her seat belt. “who even talks like that, what are you? a dad?”

“shut the fuck up and give me your phone.” mo quips, reaching over and grabbing the phone that rested in y/n’s lap, her bag sat on the car floor at her feet.

“for what?”

“you get aux, i’m sick of listening to quinn’s suck-ass country music-“

“HEY!” quinn shouted, looking behind his seat to see the blue and brown haired girl. zach laughed behind the camera, still filming.

“no, i’m serious quinn! if i hear one more song by blake shelton, i will actually jump out of this car.” y/n and zach laughed as the two bickered.

“i’ll have you know, some of us-“ he looked over at his boyfriend who was looking at him through the lens, “LIKE country, thank you very much!”

zach pulled the camera back towards his face. “i know he isn’t talking about me.” quinn turned his camera off as his boyfriend giggled.

zach was pulling out of the driveway and made their way onto the main road as mo searched through y/n’s music library.

“you know, babes… you really should have a passcode on your phone.”

“yeah, i know, but i have an app that locks all my personal stuff like my messages and my photos… i just feel better not having a password lock, i mean, it makes me look like i have nothing to hide, but in reality- BAM! passlock on all my apps.”

the two laughed at her words before zach spoke up. “so, y/n… how’s vinnie?”

“don’t even get me started.” she groaned, slipping her shoes off and sitting on her bare feet.

“what?! why? what happened?” mo asked.

“i don’t know- i was all flirty with him last night and he said that i was just drunk and to go to bed… it was so embarrassing, you guys.” y/n closed her eyes and took her sunglasses off of her head and framed them on her face. the group non-approvingly hummed at her statement.

“girl, don’t worry about it okay?” quinn looked back at her and locked eyes as he spoke. “just let loose today and forget about him. he’s not worth it.”

“yeah! today is gonna be fun, babes.” zach said, looking at the sad girl in the rear view mirror.

“i don’t know… it’s like.. everytime i think that i like a guy, i end up second guessing myself and then i embarrass myself and just keep repeating the cycle! like, what the fuck is wrong with me?!” she could feel tears start to come.

“girl, no! stop.. don’t cry and don’t do that, okay? you are such a catch and everyone knows it! now shut the fuck up and have a hot girl summer with us.” mo hugged her before clicking on a song as zach turned the volume up.

♫ 𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙮𝙞𝙣𝙜 : 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙗𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙠𝙣𝙙

“oh my god- i LOVE this song!” he exclaimed, making y/n smile when she realized what song it was.

“never need a bitch i’m what a bitch need, tryna find the one that can fix me.” mo sang, making a fake microphone with her hand. she wore a ruffled skirt and a graphic top with some kind of jacket over it. it was super early 2000s but matched her hair perfectly.

i’ve been dodging death in the six-speed

amphetamine got my stummy feeling sickly

the three sang, waiting for y/n to join in. at the beat drop, she immediately sat up and starting singing with a fake microphone just like mo did.

“yeah, i want it all now! i’ve been running through the pussy need a dog pound!” she smiled as she danced with mo.

hundred models getting faded in the compound

tryna love me but they never get a pulse down

y/n couldn’t help but relate to every song she had ever heard, and right now, she decided to pour everything out in the backseat of that car.

fuck her feelings for vinnie.

fuck the way she couldn’t get that stupid guy off of her mind.

fuck her brother for never being there for her anymore.

fuck it all.

“CAUSE IM HEARTLESS, AND IM BACK TO MY WAYS CAUSE IM HEARTLESS!” everyone, including quinn, sang.

“ALL THIS MONEY AND THIS PAIN GOT ME HEART LESS!” y/n ran her hands through her hair and could feel moriahs hands on her shoulders

low life for life cause i’m heartless

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

“holy fucking shit…” zach laughed, looking at something displayed on his phone that only him and quinn could see. whatever it was that they were looking at, was clearly something incredibly interesting since they were both ogling over it for almost half an hour.

“okay, seriously, what the fuck are you guys looking at??” mo got up from her seat and jumped behind the two while y/n finished eating her lunch. they had finally arrived to the place and everyone was starving so they stopped at a little combined restaurant nearby which was serving sushi and bbq.

she didn’t want to be rude, so she picked up after everyone since they were so focused on something else. she always hated leaving places untidy knowing someone else would have to clean it.

“guys…” mo smacked zach on the head, appalled by what they were viewing. “ow!”

“are you fucking kidding? put that shit away before she sees.” y/n overheard their conversation and walked back from the trash nearby and stood behind them, determined to see whatever they didn’t want her to see.

“before i see what?” she reached for zachs phone before mo grabbed it and held it up high, keeping it out of her reach. y/n struggled to grab it but ended up annoyed.

“okay, seriously?”

“no, y/n, for real… you don’t want to see this.”

“moriah..” y/n warned, pissed off that they were hiding something from her. the short haired girl frowned before handing over zachs phone.

her breath hitched in the back of her throat as a shirtless picture of vinnie was exhibited on the device she held. that wasn’t the worst part though.

it was the pair of high heels that sat in the corner of the frame.

she began analyzing every square inch of the setup of that image. the more she looked, the more it looked like a girls bedroom.

what the fuck

vinnie has a girlfriend?

no one around her was as upset as she thought they would be.

they must not have noticed..

“mo?”

“mmhmm?”

“look in the right bottom corner.” she handed the phone back to mo and walked over to the pool, dipping her feet in it.

“oh…” the boys crowded around her and realization struck their faces.

“yep… even if he did like me, he has a fucking girlfriend, so i’m definitely over him.” she kicked her toes in the water.

“okay- hold up! he might not have a girlfriend, we don’t know that!” mo exclaimed, sitting beside her best friend.

“yeah, maybe he just has a sister!” quinn put his hand on the girls shoulder.

“he takes shirtless pics in his sisters room?” she looked back up at the two boys standing, zach laughing at the idea and quinn stammered a reply.

“i don’t know! maybe!”

she rolled her eyes and stood up.

“he wasn’t even my type anyways… plus, the guys on his team are super hot too and if i was gonna date someone who was against my brother, i’d rather date one of them.” she smiled, already forgetting about the boy with the spider on his chest.

she never really got over boys easily, but ever since she started getting hundreds of followers a day, she’s got hot boys in her dms on the daily. she wasn’t worried about being alone anymore, knowing that she has thousands of guys who would kill to be with her. but she was still sick of wasting her time on the guys who don’t show up.

“oh my god, do you have any pictures?! what are their names?”

“yeah, who’s the hottest?!”

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

y/n found the instagram for hackers team easier than she thought she would. drakes coaches have an insta for him too, but she wasn’t sure if vinnie would. he’s newer to boxing than drake but definitely had a huge following already. she found the instagram under who the gym was following and screenshotted their newest post.

it was a picture of them all, standing around a shirtless and flexing vinnie. it must have been taken after the weigh-in.

y/n was excited to finally know the names of the guys she was looking at yesterday.

“fuck, okay guys! i found it! but can we please go get ice cream after? it’s so fucking hot out-“

“yeah, yeah, we will get you your ice cream- now show us!”

the first person tagged in the picture, was the oldest of them all. he was vinnies coach, with short black hair and a super square and muscular jaw. clicking on the account tagged, the name bobby showed up.

“oooh, he’s kinda hot..” zach exclaimed.

quinn shoved him, “i’m kidding!!” he turned his head and mouthed ‘i’m not kidding’ to mo and y/n.

“that’s gross, zach! he looks like hes thirty.” mo scoffed.

“yeah, and? he’s a zaddy!” he singsonged while getting smacks from his boyfriend.

the next account listed was the chinese man who looked like he came straight out of a pinterest board. the name tagged was erik.

“he’s so pretty.” mo gushed.

the boy standing next to him was one who immediately caught her eye the other day. duncan.

“oooohhh, who is this joshua basset look alike?” quinn asked, leaning forwards.

“his name is duncan.”

“oh, look at y/n all flustered!”

“shut up, he’s hot okay?”

he had curly brown hair and a perfect nose. she found herself scrolling through his instagram.

okay, y/n, stop scrolling before your thoughts become unholy…

“WAIT! who is that caramel cutie?! he looks like jaden smith!” mo reached out for the phone. she had a thing for guys like him, despite her boyfriend looking absolutely nothing alike.

“he doesn’t even look like jaden smith, you’re just obsessed.”

“me? obsessed with jaden smith? you are absolutely right!” the group laughed, y/n scooted closer to them.

“yeah, yeah, what’s his name?”

“his name is ru…. must be short for something.”

“ugh, i love me a short name!” mo shouted, her arms waving in the air. “mo and ru? tell me that doesn’t go together!”

“um… what about mo and kane? you know… your boyfriend!?”

mo rolled her eyes playfully and clicked on the last tagged account.

“woah..” she sputtered.

“what?” y/n looked over to see. her eyes widened and she whipped her phone out of mo’s hand.

it was the outcast of the group. the one who disappeared into the background and the one who sent a shiver down her spine just thinking about him.

blue.

well fuck, he’s named after my favorite color!

his instagram was private and his profile picture was taken from a low angel. his dark eyes peering down into the camera past his eyelids. his slightly-upturn nose was now down turned and the profile picture reeked of sex, whether he realized it or not. his black hair was sweeped across his forehead and he had a hand wrapped around his neck. his hand was flawless too. his lips were thin yet full and every little detail made him look like a grunge ken doll.

“fuck.. i’m wet now.” mo spoke next to y/n’s ear, frightening her.

she bursted out laughing before the group made their way to the ice cream place.

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

walking to the car holding their ice cream, they began to strip down so they wore nothing but their bathing suits, leaving their clothes in the car. everyone ordered a chocolate-vanilla swirl in a cone. well… everyone but quinn, who decided on a plain vanilla in a cup.

“here, hold my ice cream while i take off my top.”

“this tastes so fucking good..” zach moaned, wearing nothing but his navy blue swim trunks that matched his boyfriends. y/n shimmied out of her tank and shorts and was now left in her white bikini.

“it’s so bright outside!” she groaned, quickly putting her sunglasses back on. “ugh, i know!” mo agreed, grabbing her ice cream.

mo was now wearing her neon green bikini. it had straps around it and little black buckles on the side. it was super flattering on her.

“i wish i looked like you…”

“what?!” mo exclaimed, her eyes scanning the girl standing infront of her. her white bralette and matching bottoms form fitting her body.

“i don’t know…. i hate bikinis.”

“don’t!” she took her shoes off and jumped towards y/n. “you look so fucking hot, own it!”

they got back in the car and hit the road, making their way back to the hotel and back to the pool.

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

the two girls made their way towards their hotel room with quinn. zach was at the pool saving a seat for them. the brunette boy claimed that he needed them to help him carry bags up to the rooms, and with zachs freshly painted nails, he couldn’t risk messing them up

y/n opened the door, laughing at something mo said. she almost screamed at the sight in front of her.

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

was spelled out in rose petals on the ground. candles and champagne resting on the counters.

“WHAT THE FUC-“ mo put her hand on y/n’s mouth as quinn was laughing at their reply. “shhh!!” mo whispered as the two slowly crept around the petals.

suddenly, quinn closed the door behind them and pulled out a black box.

the two girls gasped as he kneeled down.

“are you proposing to us?!” y/n whisper yelled.

quinn laughed and got up, “no, stupid! i’m proposing to zach..” the three began to jump around in a circle, quietly squealing at his words

“quinn is gonna get married!” y/n could feel herself start to cry.

“only if he says yes.”

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

“okay, can you see me from here?”

“yes, quinn. you are standing behind a lamp, that’s not hidden at all.”

he shook his head and walked towards her. “okay, they will be here any second so let’s get you in the shower.”

they walked to the bathroom, their bare feet meeting the tiles. “quinn, i don’t need your help-“

“no, because i need to make sure everything goes perfectly.”

she stepped into the shower and pulled the curtains.

“yeah, but-“

quinn turned the nozzle on the shower, cold water hit y/n’s scalp and ran down her bikini-cladded body.

“QUINN!”

“shh!!” he put a finger up to his lips, trying to keep y/n from squealing.

“y/n!” mo shouted from the hotel door. “me and zach are here to help you!”

the plan was for mo to get zach from the pool and tell him that y/n fell in the shower. why she would be taking a shower? no one fucking knows, but that was the best they could come up with. she told zach that quinn tried to help her but got uncomfortable seeing her naked since he’s bisexual and that he felt like he was ‘cheating with his eyes’ which zach laughed at. so there they were, banging on the door. mo knew the door was unlocked but pretended it wasn’t to give quinn more time to get into position.

quinn made sure that his phone was propped up in order to film the proposal for zachs vlog. mo swung open the door, and zach was met with quinn, down on one knee and holding a ring. the flower petals positioned behind him and the candles being the only light.

y/n couldn’t hear the proposal through the water, so she shut it off and peeked her neck through the curtains.

quinn stopped mid sentence at the sound of y/n slipping in the shower, her body slamming against the tub with a force, as she yelled ‘fuck’.

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

𝟭:𝟯𝟱 𝗣𝗠

𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗳𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻

𝗻𝗲𝘄 𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝘁 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘆/𝗻

@ Y/N

my best friends are getting married!!

💬572 🔁182 ❤️4.9K

replies

@ zachdreams: 😁💍

@ userone: IS IT ZACH??

@ usertwo: WHERES THE VLOG?

𝟮:𝟰𝟲 𝗣𝗠

𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗳𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻

𝟰 𝗻𝗲𝘄 𝘃𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗼𝘀 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘆/𝗻

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

“i’m getting married! i’m getting married!” zach sang, floating on his back in the pool. he kept his ring in the box and shoved it in his bag to keep him from losing it at the pool.

it was now almost 7pm, and the group was outside by the pool. there were neon lights hung on the gates that lit the pool up beautifully and they had the pool to themselves.

after zach said yes, they decided to spend the rest of the day outside, filming them goofing around by the pool. they ordered some seafood to be sent to the hotel and even got a huge congratulations cake sent.

y/n was currently laid down on her stomach, a bowl of fruit placed in front of her. “we know, babes! i was there… i might have been in the shower, but i was still there!” she said, biting into a strawberry.

“oh, yeah, how’s your head feeling by the way?” mo asked, her and quinn sat on the pool stairs while zach was struggling to get on top of a float.

“it’s fine, it still hurts but only when i touch it.. so,” she pointed at the three in front of her, “none of you, touch my head!”

before anyone could say anything, y/n’s ringtone went off.

she popped a blueberry in her mouth before picking up her phone and seeing who was calling.

incoming call from vinnie 🐞🤍

what?

y/n felt like her eyes were playing tricks on her.

he must have butt dialed me or something.

“who is it?” mo wondered.

“it’s vinnie…” she looked over at her friend, her eyes were pleading for help.

“ooooh vinnie!!” zach yelped, “get it girl!”

“shut up!” mo scolded.

“oh, that’s right. we hate him, fuck him!”

“shhh!” y/n exclaimed, answering the phone.

“hello?”

“fuck, y/n? where are you? are you okay?”

━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━

@justalostgirl @obliviatevamps @ixxbella

@letsjustbeourselves @starslcve @itskoushi

@punzcanrailme @stephdolan @bakerkells

@vinnieslut @queenyamimarrero

@mrs-woodwesleyobrien @isabelleforest73

@radioblah-blah @clowneryluv

[sirthisisa-wendys]

Dear wendy, im sorry for being a whore but 👁👄👁 … I kinda want a smut where reader is a milf a mom of geto’s friend… a lot sexual tension would be great 😳

YES AND — my mind instantly said “hey this is how that will play out” and LOW KEY I’ve been waiting for this moment because I, too, am I whore.

Milk and Cookies: Geto Suguru x Fem!Reader

WC: 1.9k

Tw: NSFW (Lactation kink, unprotected sex)

The chimes and tinkles of the doorbell make you look up from the dirty dishes in the sink, and you pad over to the wooden door, peeking through the peephole.

Your son's friend, Geto Suguru, stands in the entryway, holding a bag as he pushes his hair back over his shoulder, and you instantly open the door for him. God, if he was as old as you, you'd have him snatched up and pinned to a bed. "Hello, Suguru! Just so you know, Kai won't be back for another hour or so. He and his grandfather were caught in traffic on the way back from fishing," you tell the man, and he smiles at you brightly. Your legs want to go weak, but you keep your composure and smile back at the twenty-two-year-old.

"No worries, Mrs. L/n. I'll just wait here until they get back. Do you mind?"

"Not at all," you reassure him and walk past the door to let him in. "The baby is with his grandma, so make yourself comfortable in the living room. Let me know if you want anything to eat." Geto nods at you, then opens the bag he brought.

"I brought some cookies that my mother made for you. She said after having a baby, these really help with your... uh... hormones, I think." You examine the offering when he passes it to you, and take one out of the little box. The oats and dark chocolate pieces melt in your mouth, and you hum in delight.

"These are delicious, Suguru. Tell your mother I said thank you. Did you help her make these?" The grown man shuffles about for a second, then admits his involvement. "You're incredibly sweet," you mention, and a blush creeps up his neck. "You both did a very good job." He looks up at you, dumbfounded, then smirks.

"Wasn't too hard to follow directions. Plus, I love baking. Would love to help you bake sometimes if you'll let me."

"Just let me know when and what you want to bake," you reassure him and he nods, taking a seat on the couch.

When you finish the cookie, you turn back to the dishes and begin to wash them as the TV flicks on in the living room. You're lost in thought about the kindness of Suguru and his mother when you feel the sharp stabbing sensation of a knife poke you in your hand.

"Ah!" When you bring your hand out of the water, you see that the knife sliced the palm of your hand a little, red blood forming along the cut.

"Mrs. L/n, I'll help." Suguru appears out of nowhere and reaches above the microwave to grab the first aid kit from a cabinet. While he does that, you run the palm under water, hissing as it stings but then drying it on a paper towel. Suguru takes a bandaid and places it over your cut hand, then wraps gauze over it. "You should be more careful," he chastises, and you hum in response. "Would hate to see a pretty hand like yours get infected. I'll finish the dishes for you; just sit on the couch and relax." You begin to protest, but Suguru silences you with a five to your lips, pulls you toward the living room, and sits you on a recliner before he leaves to go finish the dishes.

The TV is tuned to HGTV, and you watch Chip and Joanna renovate homes while the man finishes, glancing over at him every so often to see if he's having any trouble. But he looks as studious as ever, hair dangling over his shoulder as he finishes his task. Well, your task, actually.

When Suguru's done, he joins you in the living room, sitting in the closest seat to your recliner. "Tell me about your weekend," he begins, his black eyes staring at your face. You eye your velour tracksuit with disdain, noting that you hadn't even had a chance to get out since the baby was born a month ago and the father had been absent for much longer than that.

"Oh, just cleaning and making the house neat. You?"

"That's all you've done? What about getting a babysitter to watch Kaneda while you go out and have some fun?"

"Um..." How could you explain to the man that you don't have any friends to go out with? "Well, that would be nice."

"I'll ask my friend Shoko if she'll come by. She loves kids." He pulls out his phone and begins to type out a message, then focuses back on you when he's done. "Any news from Mr. L/n?"

"No," you answer quickly. "He's sent his monthly allowance for me and Kai, but that's it."

"Has he seen Kaneda at all?"

"No." Geto lapses into silence, eyes looking down at the carpet.

"I normally don't speak on matters that don't concern me, but fuck him," he mutters, and you look up in shock. "If I had a wife like you, I'd take you out, show you off, make you happy, and keep you satisfied. I'd never--" Suguru clenches his jaw when you touch his hand, a small smile on your face.

"You're too kind. Things between Mr. L/n and I have been rough, but I'm sure he'll come around soon."

Suguru shakes his head, then shifts out of your grip. "I would treat you better," he murmurs, then looks over at you. You swear the flutter in your chest isn't from any feelings and just because of his pity. But when he gets up and cradles your face like a lover would, you break. Tears fall from your eyes rapidly, and he brushes them away with the pads of his thumbs, cooing at you like you're a child.

"You deserve better. Say it."

"I..." But do you? You heard rumors about Kai's mom and how she was abandoned in the same way. Was this your fate, too?

"Say it. Maybe then you'll believe it."

"I deserve... better."

"Good girl." The fluttering feeling returns and your lips part as you inhale sharply. "Now, will you let me give you something better?" You nod immediately, feeling something pool between your legs. When you realize it's heat, you're shocked, but Suguru leans in to kiss you, smoothing the shock away.

"Suguru," you murmur. "We shouldn't--"

"How long has it been since your husband touched you?" You fumble for the time, knowing it hadn't been for over eight months.

"Um... that's--"

"A long time, hmm?" Suguru's eyes roam over your figure. "Then let me satisfy you, just once. If you don't like it, we can stop and I'll never touch you again, I promise."

"Suguru, I--"

"What harm will it do? If you like it, I'll make sure I come by often enough to have you seeing stars once a week. We'll never speak of it again if you don't want to do it anymore."

The deal is a good one, you think. "Well, maybe just this once."

"That's all I need." He unzips your jacket and frees your swollen breasts, rubbing them tenderly and kissing each one with a peck. "First things first, you need some relief from all of this build-up." When he latches his mouth onto your right nipple, you moan loud enough to overshadow the sound of the TV, and you feel milk flowing from your breasts rapidly. Suguru hums, drinking from you greedily, a small river of milk flowing from the corner of his mouth. You feel a tingling sensation, then exhale deeply, closing your eyes as he massages the other breast slowly.

"Oh, that feels good," you whisper and he unlatches from your right breast to your left one, fitting himself onto the nipple perfectly. You hiss in pain for a few seconds until his tongue swirls over the nipple easily. A sudden realization that this is wrong washes over you, but Suguru is tightly latched onto the bud, suckling eagerly. "Suguru..." you whisper, and he opens his eyes, but doesn't stop. "Suguru, this is wrong. You're my stepson's best friend and I--"

"This isn't about him. This is about you," he mutters, swallowing the last bit of milk before he removes his shirt. "Besides, you taste so delicious. I'm sure the rest of you tastes even better." As he removes your track pants, you bite your lip, wanting this so desperately. He spreads your legs and dips a finger into you, stroking your insides gently. "Oh, you're ready."

"Please fuck me," you whisper. "Just do it." Suguru removes his pants and palms himself, his cock rock-hard and standing at attention. The red tip is already dripping with pre-cum, ready for you to take in. He pants a little, lifting you off the recliner and moving you to the couch, where he lays you on the comfortable fabric before parting your legs again.

He runs the tip up and down your slit before sliding into you, his tip caressing long-neglected parts of you. "Su," you whine, and he kisses your cheek.

"Tell me if it hurts, baby." You clutch onto him as he pushes into you again, digging your nails into his back and moaning. "You're so damn tight."

"Feels so good..." You feel the sensation of being stretched to the brim, and wonder where in the hell Sugurus been all of your life. When he picks up his speed, he clutches onto your asscheeks and shifts you up so your knees are touching your chest. As he holds them against your breasts, they begin to leak and stain the fabric beneath them. You gasp and pant wantonly, hoping the sounds out spur him to go faster, go deeper; maybe if you allowed him to--

"Turn over for me." You obey, and he slides two fingers between your pussy lips, bending down to whisper in your ear. "Gonna make you cum in a minute. God, I've waited for this pussy for so long," he moans. "Such a good girl; waiting for months to get fucked. So patient." You whimper, and he removed his fingers, replacing them with his cock head. He slides into you again, and you exclaim, bucking your hips up to meet his. "Such a beautiful pussy, too," he grunts, smacking your ass with a heavy hand.

Then Suguru begins pounding into you wildly, rocking you back and forth on the couch without restraint. You hiss before you feel the familiar build-up of an orgasm, and call Geto's name out before you begin to shake, losing all sense of time and place.

"That's it, baby. Cum for me," Suguru breathes. "You're doing amazing."

"Oh my god," you gasp, cunt clenching around his dick. "I can't--" Another orgasm builds on top of the one you already experienced, and you grip onto the fabric tightly, shaking as you cum again. "S-Suguru, I--"

"Fuck," he whispers in your ear. "Gonna cum too. Where do you want it?"

"Wherever," you pant, and he instantly lets himself go inside of you, groaning loudly.

"God, Mrs. L/n, that was amazing," he whispers, chest heaving up and down. "What'd you think?" When he realizes that he has to remove your hands from the fabric, he chuckles. "You liked it." You nod, feeling his cum leaking out of you. "Let me clean you up, sweetheart." You expect him to go to the bathroom and search for a washcloth, but he pulls your hips up and back, so your knees are on the carpet.

It's only then that he begins to lick you clean, slurping up his cum and your juices. When he's done licking you clean, he pats your ass and you turn over, eyeing the man cautiously.

"I'll come over next week if you want me to. I'll make sure you're satisfied for the rest of your life."

[sly-merlin]

KILLING ME- 14

pairing : law student!reader + yuta

genre : (fluff)  angst , mafia au/ arranged marriage au.

warnings of this chapter : cursing, mention of drugs, character death.

words : ~4k

summary :

“life’s never fair y/n. realise it as soon as you can . it is the only secret for living a regretless life.”                                  

or            

“ curiousity got the cat hitched”

K.M masterlist

K.M 13

TAGLIST : @kpop-choco @moon-yuta @kawaiiayasan @btm-taeyong @exfolitae @lanadreamie @cheersskznct ​​ @hyuckiesgf ​​ @theworld-accordingtocasey ​​@simplybree

@yiyi4657 @sorrywonwoo @sillywinnergladiator   @minejungwoo @leesalts @mal-nakamoto23 @ro2424 @itlittlefangirl @nctzens-world @bl–ankhaeji @jeaneteflo @nuoyii @bralessmermaid @minhoseyeliner @tyongpoetry @swimmingkpopblog @jkjkseo @orphicmoon @floralescapes

A/N : this chapter marks the celebration of this blog surpassing 600 followers! thank you so much for all the support! also for minor readers, the sfw versions of nsfw chapters are given at the end of the masterlist so check those properly before reading.

•••••••••••••

y/n! Are you sleeping?”

Registering his words, you replied in a groggy voice,“What the fuck do you want?”

“Your phone. I left mine in the medical room. I need to call Mark right now.” with some authority, he spoke.

Whining loudly, you fell back on the bed. It was only due but flailing your arms and legs like a kid in a toy store, you let out a screech full of annoyance, cursing your fate.

Were you really going to babysit him now?

"Have you suddenly lost your hearing? Stop with this sick attitude and open the door."

A puff of air left your nose, your chest moved rhythmically with your stomach and you relaxed your arms beneath your head, eyes fixed at the fan above and ears ringing with his voice. He kept calling you and after a number of shouts, you started humming to distract yourself, afraid that you'd end up helping him otherwise. That was something, naturally, you were not interested in. Last time he had ignored your voice and now nature had presented you with an opportunity to return the favour. Just with a bit less flavour.

"Are you dead?"

"Hmmm. To you, yes I am." Mumbling, you yawned and pushed yourself up to reach your side table and fishing out your earphones from the bottom drawer, you untangled them and fixed them comfortably in your ear, hiding yourself underneath the sheets.

Sonata no.14 instantly transported you away from the noise and the stress that was your unwanted husband, yuta. The smile playing on your lips widened as you realised that you were his only mode of communication at the moment.

But You were going for a nap. Until then, he could wait. And thrash. And cry. Or die.

Rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, you rotated the handle of the door to walk outside but your little trip was interrupted when your body collided straight into a wall. No. The obstruction was too soft for a wall.

Opening your eyes properly, you saw yuta standing stiff. Surprised at the sudden appearance, you immediately stumbled back and in hurry, hit your spine on the wooden door. The glare of his eyes, that always spoke more than you could comprehend, coupled with a clenched jaw, was not a very pleasant sight for sure yet you found it harder to dart your own eyes away from him.

"Your phone" he seethed, breathing deeply.

"Huh?" You croaked out.

He raised his brow and in an instant, the previous scenario played like a short movie in your head. Snapping your head down, you regarded his leg with pity. He obviously noticed it immediately but seemed to ignore it and refrained from saying anything. Good for you, you thought.

"Are you deaf?"

Your furrowed brows met his eyes and with a roll of his own, he picked up his finger to force his demand but you managed to walk back inside your room before he could've done that.

Your back faced him as you contemplated your options while slowly stretching your arm to reach for your phone on the other side of the bed.

should you even be giving him your phone?

You had more trust in Taeyong than the man you shared a roof with so there was no way you were doing that.

Unbeknownst to you, yuta was watching your movements intently and the way you bobbed your head, he knew you were scheming something so he decided to be polite for a moment. Only until you were needed. Or your phone was needed.

Once the phone was in your hand, another thought crossed your mind.

"Wait. Where is the house phone?" Crossing your arms, you asked him slyly, already knowing the answer

"You fucking never got it installed. It's still in its stupid package" he seemed rather impatient.

"And you could've called reception through the door telecom. He would have phoned Mark for you. These rich apartments certainly have more hospitality tha-

"I CAN'T GO AROUND DISTRIBUTING AN UNDERGROUND CRIMINAL'S CONTACT NUMBER TO EVERYONE"

He inhaled and exhaled and you just watched until he opened his eyes again, hand reaching out to you.

"Chill. I've every right to be sceptic especially when you are the one asking for it."

Finding Mark's number on your phone, you called him.

Yuta's hand threaded through his rough hair as he noticed what you were trying to do.

"Hey mark!" Your chirpy voice resounded in the room and yuta was sure this was some different spirit speaking. You sounded too bubbly for the way you were investigating him just a second ago.

"Yes yes. His phone exactly.i don't trust him enough to hand over my phone so that's why I'm calling you myself. Just hurry up if you can or you might have to clean up a dead body in the next few hours."

With that you cut the phone. Without meeting yuta's gaze and resting your hand on the handle, you mumbled,

"He'll be here in an hour."

You were about to close the door when he stopped it with the palm of his hand, alerting you with the force.

"Tell him to get some food too."

And limping, he retired back, to the couches.

Sighing, you messaged mark. Had it been for something else, you'd have ignored but your own stomach had signalled you that it needed some good food so you chose not to fight against your own body.

Now, only the taste of the food could decide how many days you were going to tolerate that barbaric human.

"Are you still going to that stupid internship?" Johnny hesitantly murmured from your desk chair while taking big bites from the plate.

"It's not stupid please! I’m just waiting for them to actually pay attention to my awesome capabilities so they can transfer me to the main branch. This is not bad either but”, you stopped to lick your forefinger and tasting the sauce, continued, “but I really wanna go into the criminal unit. That’s where the actual fun is. As long as i’m being paid decently, i’ll suffer with the stupid research work here.”

“With the tongue as sharp as yours, I think you should be getting ready for a demotion instead” he laughed, showing you his fake bunny teeth in the most annoying and childish way.

“Ha ha ha ha. Some well wisher you are! Thank you so much for looking out for me but I'll be fine. Who knows the gatekeeper’s pay package is more than me. So it’d be a win-win in that case too I guess?” when you did a drum roll with your chopsticks to stress upon your point, he laughed harder.

"So being broke is the new black?" Rolling his eyes, he dragged out, "I swear you kids don't know how this world works."

"And you, grandpa of the century, knows?"

"I'm aware of what I need for my survival and from what I've learnt, you can either take risks or look for job security. In your case, " he fake coughed, "where the proportions of risk taking have already exceeded the acceptable limit, a job security is the best and safest option to choose."

"And that would justify my greed and desire to work for the biggest company of this city."

"Kun. The security you need and the independence you seek would be given by kun. Chois are hmm how to say? Cheap? Yeh cheap. They have no work ethics. "

"Have you worked with them, johnny?"

"No. I'm ju-

"Then was your ex a choi?" You saw his eyes comically and cutely widening at your remark.

"No. My ex wasn't a choi and that's not what I'm saying and you know that."

"Oh. So your ex wasn't a choi. Then a lee? Kim? Im? Oh my god! Look at your cheeks seo!" You dragged out. He shook his head as you kept wiggling your brows at him.

"She was a kim but that doesn't mean I would hate all kims dude. That's baseless and stop ignoring the topic. I want you to apply in Kuns. It's the best option. Do it as soon as you-

"Yeah yeah we'll see about that. First take that bitch back. I can't even nap in his presence. "

"Umm. Yeah. You gotta tolerate him. And besides he's injured. Injured yuta is like a gun without a bullet. He's gonna shout for a day or two and then peace out. He'll be sleeping and reading in his room and you won't even know if he's alive or not."

"Now that's bullshit. What is he going to do here anyway? I hope he can hop himself on one leg because even if the sun rises from the north, I am not going to do a single task for him. He can die hungry , for all I care.”

“Do you think you can endure him for some tasty dinners?”

Clicking your tongue, you quipped, “Do you really think you can buy me with a few homemade meals?”

Day 1

Yes. you were sold. The moment the tasty noodles had melted in your mouth, you knew you had no dignity. And you were indeed ashamed of yourself.

Earlier, Renjun had called you to inform you that he had delivered the food and medicines for yuta and had left your dinner box but he had failed to mention the special and endearing note that was pasted on the glass box. In the curvy letters, it read bitchy piglet and you swore the only person you’d be killing before yuta would be jaehyun. But you were going to use jaehyun to build up your tolerance instead.

When you went out to clean your dishes, he was playing some game on his phone, excitement evident from the way he was laughing every other second. Maybe if he remained occupied, he would not be so insufferable.

Day 3

"Oyii! Oyii!"

No. You were wrong. He was very very much insufferable.

At midnight, his voice echoed, disturbing your sleep. You cursed at the cool atmosphere that had prevented you from using the air con which otherwise would have blocked his annoying screeches. But it seemed like bad luck wanted to change its name to y/n instead. With your name being called like a broken record, it was a fight between you and him that you were not going to lose. Shuffling to your side, you covered your ears with the other pillow and tried to drown out the annoyingly demanding and hoarse voice. There was no way you were giving him the satisfaction of having any power over you. He could cry for all he liked!

“What the fuck do you want at this hour?”

Attempting a glare at him through sleepy lids, you spewed with irritation. Unlike you, he was very much awake, breathing with the sole purpose of making you question your whole existence.

“Pillow” scratching his non-existent beard, he mumbled.

Your nostrils flared and jaw clenched at such inconvenient command.

“You summoned me for a pillow? A pillow that can normally be found on a person’s bed? Can you please rectify your demand or did I just simply hear something wrong?”

The opened curtains and the moonlight that drenched the room was the only source that illuminated his face for you and even with drooping eyes, you could see how serious he was and yet you couldn't hold your tongue back because he simply deserved every shit you bestowed him with.

“Turn the lights on and count the pillows on my bed! And when you are done, get me some pillows from your room.” he simply stated.

“Why should i give you my pillow? I need them!”

“Because I don't use a pillow and I need it asap!”

“Then why do you suddenly need one? To disturb my sleep? Oh that makes sense.” and suddenly, your eyes had synced with your body to side with your fight mode.

“I need them for elevating my leg. The bandage is too tight and it’s not comfortable.”

“Then why don't you walk out of the room and get some cushions for yourself!” you raised your volume.

“Because my leg is in pain and i’m unable to get up? What makes you think I'm dying to see your ugly face at this time of the night. I dont wanna have nightmares of you as well but i can't help it ok!”

“you should have kept them near you. And who are you calling ugly hmm? You poop fac-

“Okay scream for all you want! But get me a pillow when your battery dies down!”

“What the fuck d- are you covering your ears? Wow ways to be generous!”

Stomping your foot, you left the room to get the hardest cushion on the couch.

“Here! Next time call Mark if you want anything. Don’t raise your voice ever again to call me because unlike you, i have work in the morning and hence I need some sleep..”

Just when you were about to leave after shoving the cushion in his hand, he spoke up again,

“This is damn hard! I asked for your pillow specifically and not th- AHH!”

A scream left him as you harshly removed the support , leaving his leg to painfully meet the mattress.

“How about you fix your attitude before fixing your leg?” suggesting, you dropped the cushion on the floor and left.

He didn't call you after that. Nor that you cared. However, the sleep in your eyes somehow vanished. Dancing on your sides didn’t help. Neither did drinking a glass of water. So, with a groan, you listened to your conscience and picked up your extra pillow that was sadly too perfect for your enemy.

Padding to his room, you tried your best to scrutinise and hearing his heavy snores, you placed the pillow right under his thigh and the cushion under his calf. Scoffing at his sleeping figure, you internally groaned to remind yourself that you hadn't done it for him. It was just a debt. For the blanket he had once covered you with. Nothing more and nothing less.

Day 5

You just wanted him out of your hair. He was just being a load on your head. At first, only the work was kicking your ass, then jungwoo was kicking you like a punching bag for an hour straight and adding to your distress was yuta.

"I'm not your maid! Stop piling up the dishes for me. I've had enough mercy on you. From today onwards, get a cleaner for yourself or buy disposable cutlery. I'm not going to clean after you!"

With a roll of his eyes, he had ignored you.

And so did you. Pasting a warning note on the sink tap, you had left for the library with a dying hope that maybe the kitchen would be spotless on your arrival or you'd be dialing some numbers in the evening.

For someone who despised the solemn atmosphere of libraries, you had successfully spent 11 hours in the said hellish room. It was 11 p.m and you wanted to sleep, more than anything but here you were, waiting for yugyeom so he'd just pick you up for a good drinking session that you were dying to have.

Fortunately, you weren't the only one who had missed living these past days. Everyone, for different reasons, was suffering so you felt a little less bad for yourself even though you knew your troubles were far more grave than their academic burdens.

"Wake up shorts" someone whispered in your ear. Squirming on your seat, you whipped your head in your sleepy state and found jungkook caressing your head, goofily smiling at you.

"I thought you wanted to hang out till the next morning" air quoting the last words, he picked up your bag.

"Yeah. Let's go. I'm all ready for a night full of vodkas." You yawned out.

"Definitely. No. You are going home. We can have a small get together me and yuggy are done with our final project." He dragged you out into the parking lot.

" I feel like it's been years since we got drunk together. You are never here anymore!" You whined at him, complaining your heart out.

"I will be. Soon. Then we can celebrate your little choi job as well."

"Oh please. Don't even mention it. If I had penny for every time they rolled their eyes at me, I'd be richer than your parents kook." You huffed out and as his gentle laugh surrounded you, you closed your eyes resting your back against the seat, expecting to be up by the time he'd park.

But the next day, you woke up tangled in the sheets of your bed, unaware of the events of the previous night.

When you had warned yuta about the dirty dishes, you hadn't expected him to fill the corners of the kitchen with disposable containers. It looked like you had missed a whole drama while sleeping in the library. The kitchen was shining except for the new utensils. But as long as you were not babysitting him, you were fine with anything. You didn't want to jinx your relief, however, you were glad you would be able to get some work done. finally.

You had spoken too early for your own good. Just when you sat down to write your paper, passionate and enthusiastic howls of that man pierced through your earphones and once again, you opened the window and hopped outside, in the balcony, ready to drown him out. Sipping on your lemonade, you gaped at the scenery the not so distant traffic provided you with and somehow, your thoughts wandered to the only person these horns reminded you of. Johnny.

What are you doing? Your fingers hovered over the text but once again, you deleted the message, declaring it to be too childish for someone as mature as him. Maybe you were just being silly. Maybe you were not. But who was going to put a stamp on your maybe?

Tears pricked your eyes as the harsh words of your senior thundered in the room. He kept shouting and you had no option than to consume each and every word he directed at you. Even if you were being insulted in front of your twenty other co-workers, staying quiet was the best option, you ascertained. so along with your saliva, you gulped your explanations down your throat.

Howsoever unconscious, you were still in the wrong. There was no excuse as to why you had mailed the wrong bills, apart from the headache that was caused by the person possibly lying on the sofa and watching t.v back home. No matter how much you tried to run away from his existence, he had somehow managed to let himself inside your head.

Glaring at the kid who asked for his turn on the park swing, you pushed yourself a little higher, letting the wind greet your stinging eyes as it hit your face in waves. Your phone buzzed in your pocket and you chose to ignore jungwoo for a day as it was the time, you decided, to let all the lessons that the past few months had taught you sink into your mind, to bleed into your soul so you won’t ever be able to deviate from them. Ever.

Only if that was so easy. You knew blaming others for your problems was no solution but trivialising them by not paying heed wasn't a smart move either.

When you reached home, your frustrations had died down. So when yuta simpered and pointed towards your empty container, telling you how he had already finished your supposed dinner, you simply rolled your eyes at him, robbing him of whatever he wanted to achieve by riling you up. Heating up the water, you were about to open the noodles packet when yeong called you.

You stared at the shattered phone screen in disbelief as the endless tears ran down your cheeks. As you verbalised the words to yourself again, your body met the floor with a thud.

Jungkook. Drugs. No more.

Three words had silenced the screeches in your head and your mind busied itself in rejecting what you had heard for it had to be a lie. But what how were you going to ignore the heart wrenching screams that yeong had let out. How were you going to dismiss the truth.

How were you all going to accept it?

••••••••••••••••

next update: Some day between 5-7 June.