#i think i've unlearned how to color

[kiwikiwiandkiwi]

Harry helping a fan come out — London, Night Two (19.06)

[libraford]

One thing I urge adults to unlearn is the stigma surrounding forgetfulness.

Perfect memory retention is rare. A faulty memory can be the result a host of mental illnesses, from ADHD to PTSD. It's not a sign that someone wasn't listening. I have a friend that has a four year gap in her memory due to trauma. I have another with poor short term memory retention because that's one of their autism symptoms.

Your brain can also trick you into misremembering things. I can't tell you how many times I've remembered putting my keys somewhere and unearthed them in a completely different place. I have to remind myself what my birth date is because I said it wrong once and now the wrong date is in my memory forever. I have to come up with mnemonics for birthdays, anniversaries, and events because my brain doesn't do numbers for some reason.

I see people bicker about forgetting a person's favorite food or what their mothers favorite color. I think it's important to forgive people who forget easily.

[jellybeanium124]

being a white passing american jew is a perspective worth talking about, I think. because on the one hand I'm not a person of color. I've been treated as if I am white by society my whole life. I have access to white privilege as long as I keep my true ethnic identity a secret. and because of all this I internalized racist ideas same as white people did, which are now baked into my head, and I have to unlearn them. on the other hand, I am part of a racial/ethnic minority that is on the receiving end of a lot of bigotry, especially right now. so I know how it feels to be on both sides of this.

and as I'm sure everyone knows bc white people love being guilty and crying in public, unlearning racism is uncomfortable. catching yourself thinking something racist is uncomfortable. you want to believe you're a good person but then you think or say or do something that really isn't okay (and if you say or do something, you fucking apologize, because you're a grown up). it's that squirmy feeling in your chest, that guilt in your stomach. and something a lot of white people have trouble with is the fact that your discomfort is 10 million times less important than being antiracist. it's human to put your comfort first, but it's wrong, and as long as a white person values their personal comfort above being an antiracist ally, they aren't an antiracist ally.

the thing is most white people on tumblr are at least... vaguely aware of this. at least aware that they have internalized racism they need to work through. but for some ~magical~ reason goyim do not seem to realize that they maybe just might have some internalized antisemitism to work through. so when they get that squirmy feeling that comes from being called an antisemite, they lash out (not that white people don't lash out when they're called a racist, because of course they do). I think a lot of goyim on here just straight up aren't thinking that there's any possibility they may have internalized antisemitic ideas.

so to any goy reading this: you grew up in an antisemitic world. you have antisemitic ideas baked into your head that you need to unlearn. you might have to apologize for something you say or do. and as long as you prioritize not feeling uncomfortable over being a jewish ally, you're not an ally to the jewish people.

[genericpuff]

y'know what, going against the grain for once, I actually like these drawings.

And yes, the third one is silly and I can't take it all that seriously, it's definitely the weaker of the three and I don't think "like" is the word for it (more like "I don't hate it"), but if these aren't the closest Rachel has been to drawing authentic LO stuff in years, I don't know what is. Say what you want about these drawings, if they're pretty or if they're ugly, but they're still WAY closer to what LO used to look like than how it looks now.

If you're telling me THESE are ugly and need to be "fixed" when original LO looked like this:

like yeah ok a lot of these panels in hindsight aren't perfect either and comparing them says a lot about the old art too, but they're the panels that got us into LO in the first place so you're not gonna catch me relentlessly trashing on these doodles tbh Those drawings she posted to her BlueSky/Twitter are literally shower thought doodles and while it's pretty telling that she's willing to put more effort into those doodles than into the comic, I think, on the flipside, it's also great to see her doing it because if there's ANY hope in LO regaining even a semblance of that magic it used to have in its art, it lies in Rachel learning how to draw for fun again and finding peace with the process. I'm not gonna fault her for that in the slightest by talking shit or looking for faults in these "for fun" drawings she made.

That said, as someone who's long since removed the rose colored glasses, I don't think LO will ever really go back to "what it was" for me because the definition of "what it was" had a lot of issues that I can't believe I overlooked, in both the art and the narrative. Going back to "what it was" is impossible because I can't unlearn the things that I've seen and know about this webcomic, I can't pretend there isn't a DDLG dynamic or that Rachel wasn't influenced by Lolita or that Hades isn't an insert of Mads Mikkelson.

But the art is prettier and closer to original LO than 95% of what I've seen in the entirety of S3 LO. So that's neat.

[candycandy00]

This is the Welcome Post and the Fanfic Masterlist!

Requests for full fanfics are closed indefinitely! Choose Your Own Price Commissions are currently open! See info about commissioning me here.

Requests for Headcanons are currently open!

Headcanons are just my opinions on things, like how I think the characters would react to certain things or how they would behave in certain situations. Examples: “How would Shigaraki react to his girlfriend naming her pet cat after him?” Or “How would the JJK guys behave if you dragged them to a Denny’s at 3am?”

About Me

I’m currently 39 😱 I’m obsessed with the color pink and I’m a country girl (born, raised, and currently live in the Appalachian mountains). I speak with a thick southern accent. I collect figures. I’m a huge nerd in every way. I love comic books (both manga and American comics), video games (mostly JRPG’s, Otome/Dating Sims, and Survival Horror), Star Wars, Kaiju/Tokusatsu, and all things Horror. I read a lot, mostly fantasy and horror. I grew up in a conservative religious household and I’m still trying to unlearn a lot of bullshit, so please bear with me.

I write for two fandoms currently: Boku no Hero Academia and Jujutsu Kaisen. I might write for others at some point and I’ve written tons for other fandoms over the years. I also write original fiction. I would deeply appreciate any support (reblogs/comments/likes) for my original stuff because that’s where my true passion lies. I’m somewhat slow with posting updates to my fics but I promise I’m trying. I tag my x Reader fics with the x reader tag so that people who hate x reader can filter it out easily. I haven’t always done this so I’m in the process of going back and properly tagging everything.

I mostly post my writings here. It’s mostly fanfiction but there are some headcanons and opinionated rants here and there. I’m trying to go back and tag them all. You can look for the tags “Jjk headcanons” and “bnha headcanons” (that’s what I’ll be tagging them). Otherwise I mostly just reblog fanart and gif sets. I reblog fanfiction over on @candycandyreblogs. Consider it a curated library of excellent stories. Feel free to follow it! Every fanfic on there is amazing!

I’m always up for making friends! So feel free to message me and chat!

Boku no Hero Academia:

Shigaraki, Dabi, Mr. Compress, Twice, Spinner, Hawks.

Jujutsu Kaisen:

Sukuna, Gojo, Geto, Toji, Nanami, Choso.

No minors, no animals, no scat/pee/vomit.

I’m fine with dark content/rape/horror/gore/etc. I can do NSFW or SFW. Please specify if it’s not clear in your request.

Please specify the gender of the Reader (any gender is fine, no gender is fine).

That’s it! Anon is always on!

Feel free to ask me questions, give me suggestions, or just chat!

Headers by @kuroov

Just a list of the fics I've written so far so you can easily find what you'd like to read! If I've missed a fic or have a bad link or anything, please let me know!

All fics are arranged newest to oldest! All fics are 18+ and contain smut, as well as have Fem Readers, unless stated otherwise!

Shigaraki x Reader

Shower Duty (Prison AU, Noncon/Dubcon)

Office Life (Gender Neutral Reader, Dub Con, Violent Fantasies)

The Scarecrow Walks at Night (Halloween fic, Shig as a Scarecrow)

Tentacle Tomura (Tentacles, Anal)

The Pirate and the Mermaid (AU) (Three Parts!)

Too Intense For you? (BDSM)

Reader Uses Mind Control Quirk on Shig

Dark Carnival Chapter 1 (Whips, Blood, Death)

Playing a Fighting Game - Loser has to Strip

Shy Reader Giving Shig a Christmas Present

Sitting on Shig's Lap While he Plays Games

Exhibitionism

Shig Corrupts Shy Hero's Sidekick Reader

Size Kink - Shig With Short Reader

Mommy Kink

Breath Play/Choking

Break Time (Reader is a Waitress with a Crush on Shig)

Dabi x Reader

Waxwork (Dabi as a Vampire + Werewolf)

The Visitors (Post Ending, Touya in Prison) NO SMUT

Zombie Apocalypse AU (Four Parts!)

Dabi Under a Lust Quirk

Dabi with Innocent Nun Reader

Piercing/Torture

Teasing that Leads to Rape/Non-Con

Trending Topics (Dabi Sees Reader's Pervy Tweets About Him)

Lazy Sex

Breeding Kink

Mr. Compress X Reader

The Experiment (Horror, Gore, Halloween Fic, Compress as a mad scientist)

Dark Carnival Chapter 2 (Blood, Gore, Death)

Mr. Compress x Reader With Bunny Quirk

Twice x Reader

Dark Carnival Chapter 3 (Horror, Blood, Gender Neutral Reader) (Three Parts!)

Non-X Reader

League of Villains Heroes (Set after the end of the manga, the League has split up and are in therapy, but a new threat turns them into reluctant heroes.) Multi-Chapter. NO SMUT. (In Progress!)

Unmerry Christmases (Platonic ShigaDabi) NO SMUT

AFO x All Might Aladdin AU Master/Slave Dub-Con

Sukuna X Reader

Father Sukuna’s Discipline (AU, Sukuna as a priest, spanking, rough sex, reader as a nun)

The Doll House (AU, BDSM, Erotic Torture, Needles, Clamps, etc.) (Four Parts!)

Breaking You (Rape/Noncon, Blood, Torture, Humiliation, Double Penetration)

Serve Me, Save Me (Reader is a Rape Victim who joins Sukuna’s Harem after he inadvertently saves her) Part 1 | Part 2

The Offering (Dark, Dubcon, Blood, Rough) Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Gojo x Reader

The Doll House (AU, Dubcon, Chubby Reader, Pet Play, Anal, Bullying) (Four Parts!)

In The Library (College AU, Gojo and Geto bully Reader, Rape, Dark)

Promotion (Power Dynamics, Reader wants Gojo to promote her to Grade 1)

Christmas Past (Fluff, Drabble, Gojo x Geto in flashback) NO SMUT

Pick Me Up (Gojo x Reader x Geto, Halloween fic, Serial Killer AU) (Five Parts!)

Human (Rape, Torture, Blood, Dark, Reader is a cursed spirit) (Two Parts!)

Little Miss Nobody (Plot, Rough Sex, Gojo is an asshole) Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Geto x Reader

In The Library (College AU, Gojo and Geto bully Reader, Rape, Dark)

The Doll House (Dubcon, Humiliation, Public Nudity, Dom/Sub Dynamics, AU) (Four Parts!)

Pick Me Up (Gojo x Reader x Geto, Halloween fic, Serial Killer AU) (Five Parts!)

Toji x Reader

Forest Guide (Toji as a Werewolf, Rape, Breeding)

His Favorite Target (Toji is hired to kill you)

The Doll House (AU, Size Difference, Age Difference, Cock Drunkenness, Use of Aphrodisiacs) (Four Parts!)

Nanami x Reader

The Doll House (AU, Daddy Kink, Spanking, Hair Pulling, Reader is afraid of men.) (Four Parts!)

Choso x Reader

The Doll House (AU, Dom!Reader, Sub Choso, Teasing, Collars, Pegging) (Four Parts!)

Multi-Character

JJK Men as Pervy Mall Santas

Original X Reader

Roses in the Sky (Alien x Reader, Sci-Fi, Novel Length, Romance) (In Progress!)

[sammy8d257]

that post you made about purple being free to express anger at ko reminds me of the abuse cycle (in which a victim becomes an abuser) but in a comparably more healthy way. it's so good ☆

Anon I am tucking you gently into bed with your favorite midnight snack and drink /pos

I think it's less of Purple is perpetuating the cycle of abuse in a healthy way and more that they're unlearning some unhealthy habits regarding the expression of negative emotions

Because something that I've definitely had to relearn is that having anger, being sad, being scared, all these "negative" emotions are natural and normal. And having them is not a bad thing and you are not a bad person for feeling them

The issues arise with how these emotions are expressed and handled

So in my headcanons,

Purple learned to express anger through aggression from their father, but they also learned that you must always respect figures of authority, so that that anger can never be directed towards said figure. Additionally, they probably learned it'd be a death sentence if they showed any "weakness".

Similarly, when their mother falls ill, Purple was given the role of caretaker (probably while they were still in their teens btw) and a whole new sense of responsibility is put on their shoulders. But they can't show that they're stressed, or that they're sad, or god forbid they're angry. Because what kind of monster would have these feelings about their sick mother?

So the logical conclusion (in Purple's mind) is suppression. Just keep everything inside. It'll be fine.

That's why it's such a big thing when Purple finally does express these emotions in front of King because it's like, confirmation that Purple sees them as equals and that they trust him enough to be vulnerable.

(man if someone reminds me, I would LOVE to do a deep dive on my headcanon on how Purple's trust with King is different from their trust with the Color Gang. Because there is a difference. These 2 relationships are not the same)

And of course, Purple will eventually learn better coping mechanisms to handle their emotions because like I said above, the harm is not from having these emotions but from how they're being expressed.

But I do think there's something beautiful about how messy it must be when Purple finally cracks and lets their raw emotions out

[writers-vlogx]

A truth that took me eight years to accept

Something that I think others should know, I'm trying to convey a lot of mixed emotions into words so others don't feel as alone as I did

This post is by absolutely no means planned to stay up for long but mainly to get these thoughts out of my head because I truly believe I am not alone and it took me eight years to realize that.

I struggled with hating the color of my skin for a long time, I grew up in America, I lived a very small portion of my life in Mexico.

But the point is I have lived in the United States for almost my whole life, and with that I watched and consumed media that was seen only from one perspective.

Around my pre teen and teen years I educated myself a lot In culture, and in the movements that were happening and are still happening right now like blm, and the LGBT, feminism, organizations, mental health, almost everything that I could get my hands on. Because I wanted to be able to be as educated as possible, I heard about representation and the need that there was for it.

However I never thought I would find myself being part of the group that lacked representation. Around the time I was growing up when I was a kid I saw movies like the princess and the frog and pocahontas and I became obsessed with those movies, wanna know why? It wasn't because of the plot but because I could see people that didn't look like me but close enough right? Growing up and consuming all this media I didn't see people like me on screen, and I hated myself for it, I hated the way I looked, I hated my culture, and my language, I pretty much rejected who I was because of the views of the people around me

( I grew up in Texas and with a family that they themselves were racist towards themselves)

Watching wakanda forever and seeing tenoch play the role of namor, seeing the scenes that were made so well, seeing encanto come out and the truth around family, seeing the truth of colonization from the wakanda film and many other films and series that did not portray my people as just drug dealers.

Made something In me change, it made me realize how long I had spent hating myself, for something that was never wrong to begin with. Being able to look at myself in the mirror for the first time and not degrade myself for the color of my skin, being able to speak my language and be comfortable with it.

Being able to realize that I love my culture and where I come from but that I still have a lot to unlearn and a lot to heal, to finally be able to see myself represented and realize how much I truly needed to see representation of my people and show that I can make it in life as an actor, seeing people like me be famous rich and be able to achieve my dreams made me have hope that I can do the same because I saw others that could. I saw them in news papers, in magazines, in articles, as toys and seeing people like them.

I think a big thing for me to add is that while I saw other movies and shows with representation, for whatever reason it was this one movie, this one actor that changed everything and I see this As a huge thing because it truly shows how one person can make a huge change even if it doesn't seem very big

And while all of this is true I feel sadness because I wish I could go back to my younger self and tell that little boy that he didn't need to stop playing in the sun and that no I did not need to look up how to make my skin lighter and that no clothes did not look bad on me because of my skin tone.

I choose to share this and post it because if even one person identifys with one of the things I've said even if for me this is very embarrassing to admit as well as being extremely vulnerable, realizes that there was never anything wrong with them, then it's worth it to me. Because I am healing of years of internalized racism and colorism and if I can reach just one person to not go the same path I went it'll be worth it.

[stilljuststardust]

Tools for emotional regulation

This is specifically things I do for end of day decompression. I take an hour and I do different things off this list till I'm relaxed.

I understand that alot of these are "basic" but it's less about what you do and more so about taking time to care for yourself and ne present in your body in ways that feel safe.

I've broken this down in to categories of self soothing.

Environment

A calming environment is beneficial for obvious reasons so here's things I do to feel more safe in mine.

1. Turn off over head lights and uses LEDs, candles, or lamps instead

2. Noise cancelling headphones

3. Phone off

4. Christmas lights for some reason

5. Someplace to sit that isn't your bed (you can put pillows and blankets on the floor if need be)

6. I usually cleanse (witchy, may not be your thing)

7. Protection spells on your room specifically (witchy, may not be your thing)

8. Stuffies

Stimming

If you don't know what stimming is it's stimulating your senses as a form of self soothing. It's ok to move your body in "weird" ways, make odd sounds, or look for sensory experiences you find comforting. Nobody is watching, there's no one around to judge you release the feelings! I usually windmill my arms, rock back and forth, hum/sing, jump, etc. Anything you want.

It's actually really important to set aside time for stimming! You don't realize how important it is until you do it! It's scientifically proven to be harmful (particularly for autistic people) not to stim. It's really hard to unlearn suppressing it, so giving yourself a safe place to do so where you don't have to worry about what people think is important.

Sensory Seeking

Using tastes, textures, sounds, and visuals you like as a tool for self soothing is extremely powerful. This can look like so many things. I personally use perfume. I find certain scents incredibly calming and when I have them on I take deeper breaths because of them so it's a win win.

Other sensory examples:

1. use slime/clay

2. Touch fabrics you enjoy (like ultra soft blankets)

3. Listen to soothing sounds like music, rain, or ASMR

4. Drink a hot drink like tea or hot cocoa

5. Take a warm shower

6. Heating pads

7. Compression (weighted blankets/stuffies work great)

8. Stim boards

Clear mind

Sometimes you just need to get your feelings out. Having an outlet where you just express how you feel without worrying how it's perceived is important!

1. Journal (it's important to write like no one will read it cause they won't, unless someone will lol)

2. Sit outside or by a window

3. Write your doubts on toilet paper then fucking flush that shit to the sewers where it belongs.

4. Draw your feelings

5. Scribble non sensically

6. Scream into the void

Inner child time

It's time to kick internalized shame to the curb. What does your inner child want right now? If you were a kid again what would you do? It isn't wrong to do things you would've loved as a kid. It's important actually. What can you now do that you wish you could've done as a kid?

This one is incredibly individual cause I don't know what your inner child wants I'm just giving out ideas.

1. Play with slime, clay, kinetic sand, or play doh

2. Draw

3. Play with toys (have no shame)

4. Color

5. Legos

6. Read

7. Write a story

8. Make a "potion" (don't mix chemicals though)

9. Play with shaving cream I know you want to

10. Build a fort

11. Fluffy pajamas

12. Dance

13. Preform for stuffed animals

14. Barbie soap opera

15. Rewatch comfort shows

[pomegranateflesh]

wowowooooooww breaking the flow of time and space again I see?

helloooo long time no post I see, here am I to feed the fans with CONTENT, this time an Album Cover redraw of Cure Sky,

this is a redraw of the Album: Soaring of Puzzle, i fcking love Puzzle man, you guys haven't seen it yet but I'm a huge huge HUUUUGE fan of the band The Garden, so of course I'm a huge fan of each of the members solo career as well, I don't remember if I've listened to the whole album of Soaring yet but what I do know is that I LOOOOOOVE love looove the song "Soaring" from that album,

it's such an upbeat yet melancholy tune and the lyrics match as well, talking about soaring through past pains, I mostly interpret it to be about exes but it can be about soaring past anything, any problem in your way,

but it also talks about keeping the things the person referred in the song thought him, "she gave me something to have forever", and I think that is very beautiful, to be able to keep that happiness still even though that person isn't part of your life anymore, keeping the little things they thought you, it's beautiful yet saddening but what can we do? unlearning things is hard, why not carry those things learned with us regardless?

as you can see my autistic ass looooves this song

now as for the drawing, as you could guess by the clean lines I made this on my phone with my fingers in IbisPaintX, the idea was to try and copy the HirogaruSky's artstyle the most but uhhm.... I've always HATED doing the lineart, so much so that for a good year I just scanned my sketches from paper directly into IbisPaint with a filter and cleaned it just to skip past doing the lineart,

so uhmmm... it didn't really pan out, but it sure was quite fun seeing what composes the Hirogaru artstyle, and after dissecting it I now see it really isn't thaaaaat hard to copy but oh welllll

an explanation for the colors is that while searching for a good render of Cure Sky I've come across just how different the colors look from one official art to another, and I took that to my advantage, and did a "canon muted version" and a "headcanon colorful version" its fun to see how they differentiate, and it combines well with the upbeat yet mellow approach of the Album

did i mention yet that I drew all this initially to use it as a thumbnail for a damn AMV? no? well... yeah I was thinking of doing a HirogaruSky tribute with this song since the anime ended and yknow.. if you translate HirogaruSky's name it CAN be translated as "SoaringSky Precure".. soooo.....🥺

[bluebellcloud]

So lately i've been curious on ways i can connect more with Lady Lilith in worship & involving her into my everyday life. I see that you're a Lilithian, so i'm just curious on how you do these things!

here are some tips and offerings you can give to her , but first a tw : slight mentions of abuse , kidnapping , child murder , food , wine , sex , and religious trauma . btw , the underlined part is a link !

1. you can start by reading about Lilith in judaism , although her origins go back to ancient Mesopotamia . deities and other guardians love when we read about their myths as long as we understand that they are not their myths ( like in Greek mythology ) since the myths were written by humans who mostly feared the deities . however , you can always choose to believe anything from the myths . personally , i believe that there is some truth in every myth , and i believe Lilith was not allowed to be in the Garden of Eden after she refused to submit to Adam because she wanted to be equal to him

2. unlearn the bad things you might have been taught about Lilith . she is thought to be evil and many people think that she likes to kidnap and murder babies , but that is not the case , in fact , she is very motherly and she can help women who are in abusive relationships . i can confirm this for you , as she made sure my angel babies are safe and she is keeping abusive people away from my life for as long as possible

3. offerings : chocolate or dark chocolate ( you can eat it in her honor , i promise it’s not disrespectful ) , choosing yourself and stepping into your power , roses , the colors red and black , dark crystals ( such as obsidian , red jasper and / or ruby ) , apples , snake imagery , cinnamon , wine ( especially red dark wine but if you are not fond of that , you don’t have to give her a wine offering ) , figures of her for your altar ( if you cannot afford an altar , that’s okay , just remember that you are a living altar ) , self care / self love , sex magic ( same as the wine situation , if you are not comfortable with sex magic you obviously do not have to do that ) , shadow work , which is looking at the parts of yourself ( mind , emotions , behavior , etc ) that you avoid the most / are most ashamed of . while doing shadow work , you give those parts of you a space to speak . it’s going to be painful sometimes because you will be noting down the parts of yourself that you tend to hide from the others , but remember Lilith will not force you to do shadow work if you don’t want to or if you need to stop it . you can vent and / or rant to her instead . also , a couple of personal offerings i gave to her are on my discord bio i added the black moon Lilith sign ( ⚸ ) , which i think is more connected to astrology but she still appreciates it , the another offering is my pfp on my main tiktok being a painting of her by Dante Gabriel Rossetti :

4. Lilith is understanding , and she will give you space if you need time from your practice due to mental health reasons . if you struggle with religious trauma , she will reassure you that you don’t need to ask for her forgiveness . even if you don’t feel her presence , even if you don’t see her , she will be there for you . you can ask her for signs , and she will eventually deliver them ; for me , she makes sure to land readings with messages from her through tiktok on my fyp . the way she sends signs might be different for you , but she is not subtle when she wants to give you a message . she will also be honest and she will tell you the truth . you can talk to her about everyday things in your life to connect with her , and if you need , you can ask her for reassuring cuddles

i hope these helped ! ♥︎

[bluiex]

Dancing bat anon here with part 4, which includes some sad and moody Grian and some stuff of Scar catching an intruder. Enjoy!

(The end may have went a tad darker than what I thought it would, so warning in advance)

~~~~

"Look at you, all sprawled out and pretty for me...A sight like this might just bring some color to my face."

Grian breathes very slowly as Scar moves a hand up his leg, carefully moving over a large bit of bandages covering his skin. He can only imagine how awkward it is with his many injuries. It's not as if they could just ignore them, the bandages almost cover his entire body...

He was really stupid this time, wasn't he?

"You okay Grian?" Scar asks, taking a much softer tone. "You're making a rather grumpy face."

"The bandages kinda kill the mood, don't they," He mumbles rather bitterly.

"Grian...It's alright. It doesn't bother me."

"Oh please, you can't possibly think this incomplete mummy costume I have is attractive."

He holds his hands up to his face, watching the sleeves of the shirt he's wearing fall and expose the bandages wrapped around his wrists. He doesn't like how many there are. He doesn't like how almost everywhere he looks there's a bandage covering up a wound.

And he really doesn't like how dumb he feels...

"Okay, I think someone's going through a bit of a low." Scar gently grabs his hands, carefully wrapping theirs around his. "Tell me what's bothering you, my angel. I promise I'll listen."

"...I'm not an angel. An angel wouldn't get hurt so much like I do."

"And how do you know? Angels could get hurt just as much as anyone else."

"I don't think so. An angel wouldn't have been as stupid as I've been..."

"You're not stupid," Scar says, leaning down close to his face. "How could you have known that was going to happen? It's just a bad thing that happened to someone who did deserve it."

They let go of his hands to cup his face, gently pressing a kiss to his forehead.

"I knew some of them, you know."

"...What?"

"I was trained under the same mentor as two of those five people. It still feels like yesterday when I was being taught what protections I needed and having my scrapes patched up by my sister..."

Scar hums, mouth forming a firm line.

"Those days were so much simpler. Get up, be trained by your mentor, talk and have lunch with you fellow students, maybe if you were lucky you get to tag along on a hunt with a more trained hunter...Everything was just easier."

"And how do you feel about things now?"

He lets out a dry laugh. "Now? Now I've supposedly been around long enough and done so many successful hunts I could mentor some students if I wanted. Now I'm no longer considered a student but a full-fledged hunter. Now I'm hunting things day in and day out, risking my life almost daily so people don't find out about the supernatural things living in their backyards."

"Do you not enjoy it?"

"It's not something you can really enjoy, it's something more of 'I have to do this or innocent people will get hurt' kind of thing. It's something that feels like more of a necessity the more and more missions you're given."

Scar hums again, brushing a thumb along one of his cheeks. "And have you ever thought of retiring? Putting the wooden stakes down and trying to have a normal life?"

"You can't just retire from being a hunter," He says quietly. "You can't just unlearn or unsee what all being a hunter shows you. You can try to rationalize it as some bad dream, something from the deepest depths of your mind, but you can't forget."

"Well that just sounds bad, doesn't it?'

"I always told myself 'Just wait until Pearl gets back, then we can go somewhere else. We can go somewhere safer' like we could leave this behind..."

He yawns, feeling tired all of a sudden. He's just talking, why is he so tired?

"Can you tell me about Pearl?" Scar asks, seemingly ignoring his yawn. "I don't think you ever brought her up."

"Pearl was...Pearl is great. She's smart, funny, quick on her feet, a little annoying sometimes, and she doesn't take anything lying down. She was always our mentor's favorite with how quickly she seemed to take to all the techniques they showed us. Which was probably why she was chosen to go on a really big mission."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah...She's been gone for 2 years now, and I...I've stopped getting letters from her maybe 5 months ago."

"Oh Grian..."

"I'm trying to stay optimistic about it. I'm trying to think maybe her group is just somewhere where it's really difficult for any form of communication to get in or out. But it's been really difficult the longer it goes on..."

"I'm sure she's okay, and I'm sure she's trying her best to let you know she's okay."

"Yeah..." He yawns again. "You're probably right."

"Why don't you try to get some rest? Tomorrow we can do something you want, okay?"

"Can I have some water first? My mouth feels really dry from all that talking..."

"Of course." Scar kisses his forehead again before moving to the edge of the bed. "You just get all cozy while I go get you a glass."

"Okay."

~~~~

Scar stands by the door, watching Grian pull a blanket up and lie back on the pillows before he closes the door. As he walks to the kitchen, he quietly mulls over what Grian said...No, not mull.

Seethe is the better word.

Two of the five people were someone that Grian knew. Someone they were possibly close to at some point. Someone they had seen succeed, fail, joked with, laughed with even...And those people still did that to them. Still torn into Grian like a pack of angry wolves.

Heh, and they say hunters know who the monsters are.

As he's about to come to the corner of the hallway, he hears a ruckus coming from the living room. Like a hushed voice...And a cat yowling.

He peers from behind the wall, and frowns when he sees the back of someone he definitely did not invite into his home taking an aggressive stance with his cat Jellie.

"Shut up, you stupid cat," The stranger says in a hushed angry tone. "You're going to give me away."

Jellie yowls again, slowly arching her back up as she starts to hiss. He quietly walks up behind the person, keeping his steps light and quiet to not give away his position.

"Don't you have some mice to catch? Run along now and quit bothering me."

"Oh, Jellie doesn't catch mice, but she does a good job at catching people where they don't belong."

The stranger quickly turns their head, which Jellie takes as her opening to bite the person's leg. And as they're reeling from the pain, he pushes them, sending them tumbling over a chair.

"So, let's list your crimes now, shall we?" He says, walking around the chair. "Breaking and entering, which leads to property damage because I assume you broke the lock on my door and gate, trespassing because obviously you aren't suppose to-"

He gets cut off by something sharp flying past his face, cutting his cheek in the process.

"...Ow. Let's add assault to that list. Now, I'm going to give you one chance to tell me-"

"Filthy demon!"

The stranger attempts to slash him with a wooden stake, which he quickly kicks out of their hand before kicking them back. He pins them to the floor by pressing his foot into their chest.

"Let's try this one last time," He says, annoyance already leaking into his voice. "Tell me why you're here-"

"You will pay for your crimes against humanity!" The stranger shouts, once again interrupting him.

"Look, there are other people than me here, so do you mind keeping-"

"The traitor who dared to call himself one of us already paid for his crime! And you shall follow him to the depths of he-"

They get cut off when they start struggling for breath. Hmm, him moving his foot to their windpipe shouldn't be the cause of their new difficult breathing situation now, would it? Maybe now he can actually speak with out getting interrupted.

"Let me put this as simply as possible for you." He presses his foot down even more. "I do not like your attitude."

The stranger, or the hunter as he should call him, starts clawing at his leg.

"You break into my home, you threaten my cat, you attack me, you interrupt me each and every single time I speak, and to top it all off...You were one of the people who attacked my dear angel."

The hunter punches at his leg. A vain attempt at survival really.

"Any chance of you leaving, no longer exists now that I know who you are. Your chance of mercy..."

He watches as the hunter's face starts to turn blue.

"...Is as much mercy as you gave the one you should have never touched."

FUCK YEAH FUCK EM UP SCAR WOOOO!!! GOD lovely bat anon SO fucking good. asdkojfdsh

[curieklei]

hiii so english isn't my first language and i'm learning more about gender and trans stuff and if i might be trans or something (i've been told i sound agender?? but that feels wrong), and something that confuses me, so i'm asking around abt it… "woman" used to simply denote afab, right? like a body type of ppl with a biological (not surgical) vagina & estrogen puberty. like a female dog. ppl say that it reduces women to their genitals, but what about with other animals? like female cat, female horse, etc, just bc we say "oh she's a girl" or "oh i have a male dog" doesn't mean we're saying they're only their genitals in that case, right…? a bitch is just a female dog, that's why it's a misogynistic word. misogyny is based on how ppl see someone without a penis as lesser, bc they don't have the power to forcibly penetrate and feel genital pleasure for it, they can't impregnate, they're "just a hole" etc. like so much of misogyny is just body-specific. the misogyny transfems experience seems terrible but also conditional? bc if they're found out to be amab they're treated as creepy men, so they then stop experiencing misogyny, they just face usually homophobia. meanwhile bio women (and transmascs who don't transition) have no exit door to the misogyny unless they transition and pass perfectly as male or something, and historically that wasn't an option. to me man & woman have always been neutral body types until i came across trans stuff, and i think the idea of gendered brains sounds sexist af. like gender seems like bullshit, i see me being a woman as just like being a female cat, i don't have ~womanly~ vibes in my brain, i was just born female and that's the least important thing about me, but male society made it weird. why should gender continue to be a thing? what does gender actually mean, if sexism was to be eradicated? is it bad if i view my womanhood as just a body type? most cis people i've talked to view their "gender" like this, as just a body type, like any other animal. they don't "feel" like one, they just have the body and aren't dysphoric about it. they might not always like it, but they don't have dysphoria about it, so they just… are. is that transphobic? i've heard mixed thoughts about it from trans ppl & activists, i'm just curious. feel free to ignore this lol ;;

Edit: A person in the replies has informed me that those may be are terf talking points disguised as questions to avoid suspicion so take this anon with a grain of salt. I'm keeping this post just in case anon is genuinely curious or something.

From what I see, reducing the societal importance of biological sex is indeed what's slowly happening, but it's definitely not in the same stage everywhere. It takes years for a person to unlearn something they were told their whole life, it takes generations for biological sex to lose importance.

I'll go over your questions:

Why should gender continue to be a thing?

I think you meant biological sex here. It's important to keep a little bit of it for medical purposes. Also imo it's possible for a culture to give it importance without ending up with a system that makes people feel awful sometimes.

What does gender actually mean, if sexism is to be eradicated?

I guess it'll just be a trait of a person in a similar way skin color is a trait of someone's body but like, with way more dimensions. It's kinda hard to put rules around this. Maybe it's just an answer to the question "What am I?".

Is it bad I view my womanhood as just a body type?

Lol do what you want it's your womanhood, your body and your you. There's nothing bad here and you're free to decide for yourself.

Is [not feeling much gender about your body] transphobic?

Doesn't feel transphobic to me, but anyone reading this is free to give their own take on this and the rest of what you said.

Idk what else to say so thanks for the ask and have a safe self discovery journey! Feel free to dm me or send another ask if you want to talk or me to add something to this.

[riddlerosehearts]

The answer is probably obvious given your username but who is your favorite twst character? ❤ Guess I am more asking what you love about Riddle lol

haha, well, i will say that riddle is practically tied with idia as my favorite! idia was a character who i literally decided was my fave at first sight, but then i came to love riddle more and more while i was playing through the story for the first time. the idiashroud url is taken by someone who isn't even using it😔 and this url was, shockingly, not taken when i first got into twst, so i took it the second i found out it was available. but, yeah, i do love riddle a lot!! i've got two plushies of him and two other pieces of adorable fanmade merch i'll share below, and i'd love to get some more riddle merch. i especially really wanna buy his nendoroid when i'm able to afford it.

^ the aforementioned riddle merch plus some other random things i have on a little corkboard in my room, lol.

as for what i love about him... honestly, what drew me to him when i first started twst was that i just thought he was hilarious. one of the first vignettes i ever read was the one where he and floyd are in the library and he gets really pissed about floyd teasing him and making fun of his height. and, well, one of my favorite fictional characters of all time just happens to be another short little nerd with a red color scheme and a hot temper who would have to be held back from kicking my ass if he knew i was calling him a short little nerd (it's edward elric from fullmetal alchemist, lol). so i got attached to him based on that and also because i thought the way he acted during book 1 was just really funny and entertaining to watch. i also figured there must be some sort of Reason behind it that i couldn't wait to find out, and then the reason we got really tugged at my heartstrings and, again, reminded me of some of my favorite characters in other media.

beyond that, i really love his design, for one thing. especially his heart-shaped ahoge which has got to be one of the cutest character design choices i've ever seen in my life. i love that he's an animal lover who goes out of his way to check on the hedgehogs even when he doesn't have to, and how excited he gets about discovering the joys of puzzle solving in the endless halloween event. i love how protective he is of his dormmates and how much faith he shows in them after book 1. like, he has such sweet interactions with ace in fairy gala remix and with deuce in glorious masquerade. and i love the development he goes through!! i made a post on this a while back, but riddle along with vil is one of the only overblotters who really apologized and took immediate steps to make up for what he'd done, which shows a lot of genuine maturity and responsibility on his part. there's also a chapter of the twst anthology manga where he's really anxious and frustrated with himself for still instinctively getting so angry at rule violations, and ace ultimately convinces him that he doesn't have to be so hard on himself and helps him relax. i love that. i love that he's still struggling with unlearning what he was taught all his life, because recovery and growth aren't always linear, but he's trying the best that he can now that he knows he was wrong.

so yeah this got longer than i originally planned lol but basically i just think riddle is really cute and funny and has a great character arc. to end this off here's an image of two riddle plushies i wish i had because i absolutely adore this style.

[seraphiism]

congrats on 1k!!! your writing is so gorgeous and I think about your fics so much ;o; 💕💕 im slipping in a request for the dreamscape event: dusk (or twilight!! whatever you feel fits best honestly), ☀️ belial, orchid 💓

𓆩 ღ 𓆪 𝐠𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

( I WONDERED HOW ANYONE FINDS CLOSENESS WHEN VIOLENCE IS SO NEAR TO IT )

chara : belial fandom : granblue fantasy quote cr : jeanette wintersonm a/n : omg thank u sm !!! you are so kind, that means a lot to me !!! thank u for ur support :^)

・❥・[ dreamscape event ] ༊*·˚ ⌛ fluff/angst • ☀️belial • 💐 orchid : reverence

ONE. fallen angels must yearn for redemption, don't they? their fates left to doom and damnation, wings dyed in hideous colors and impurities. but what happens when you are birthed from ruin & evils, feeding upon the existence of another, your life meant for the chasm? IT IS A VERY SAD THING, you think, TO MEET A DOWNFALL YOU CANNOT SAVE YOURSELF FROM.

& what a curse this one holds, the wicked belial, both angel and devil in a creature gone wrong.

you will find yourself in his arms one day, remember how they warned you of his unholiness ; how it would corrupt you, turn you into something you weren't. you press your head against his chest, breathe deep, listen closely :

you hear something gentle bloom and wither with love, tell him that his heart sounds beautiful. he will laugh, the fallen angel, and you will hear the self-hatred in the echoes of a false haven.

TWO. LOVE IS : twisted devotion that festers into obsession ; yearning that melds into sharp pains and agony. the severing of the heart / the disconnect between CREATOR and CREATION.

and it's supposed to hurt. it is. it is. it is, because they once told him that the things most painful are always worth it.

THIS PAIN MUST BE WORTH IT, belial will remind himself, so he'll call it love, this hatred and scorn he only knows from higher beings, because it's better to make something out of nothing.

THREE. "you are so desperate to be loved."

you feel him tremble as your fingers ghost over his wings ; how gracious they are in the way they bleed sanguine, stain porcelain with remnants of what could be good & holy.

something foreign and unspoken crosses his features : apprehension, fear -- you cannot tell. something so wonderfully unnatural, something exasperatingly innocent, something that tells you that you are right. but it fades, twists itself into guarded amusement. he chuckles lowly at such false assumptions, ignores this strange feeling of grief that buries itself in his chest.

"i've always liked the pain." he says, words light and heavy all the same as his fingers intertwine with yours. "you must have forgotten that i am already loved, hm?"

and love is not violence and violence is not love, but the teachings of angels are a vicious thing to unlearn. the admittance of defeat takes hold of you, so you cast your gaze elsewhere, instinctively avoid his eyes when he leans down to look at you. how delicate he is in the way he grabs your chin, forces you to recognize this moment as something you both will bury in dreadful hearts.

your eyes are filled with something he has never known. there is something warm about it, something so lonely and mourning for what has yet not been lost.

you swallow hard, clench your jaw, watch as his mischievous smile falters.

"yes, you are loved, belial."

FOUR. LOVE IS : lingering touches that leave fervor in their wake ; yearning that melds itself into nostalgia and quiet reverie. the understanding of two hearts that have never known better / the connect between SOUL and SOUL.

this does not hurt. it is not supposed to, it never is, you'll tell belial, and he will not believe you at first. surely this is a jest, a deception that will end with brutality. but the peace is endless, and perhaps this is the most confusing of all.

so he'll call this love, the way his name leaves your lips, and it will frighten him so.

FIVE. they warned you of unholy beings, their existence a threat to your own. they told you tales of fallen angels, sins a chaos and the bringing of a deserved downfall. how wrong the stories can be, you muse.

and there is something so profound in the time you share ; his head on your chest, your hands on the surface of where his wings reside. how fortunate he is to hear it, this steady beat. he shuts his eyes, breathes deep, listens closely :

he hears something blithe and innocent flourish in the roots of love, tells you that your heart is something he could cherish until the ends of time. you will laugh, and he will hear joy in the echoes of a home away from home.

he hums, presses a kiss to your skin as a smile blossoms on your lips.

"am i loved?" another brush of the lips, a devilish grin that you are all too familiar with.

you laugh once more, and it is the kindest thing he has ever heard.

"yes, you are loved, belial."