#i think its a very sexy idea and its not just bc wolf would be so hot in a cowboy hat /:

[wolfgroom]

not to yeehaw on main but bullet train rdr au

[fmdtaeyong]

restructuring update prompts

a prologue to officially re-introducing ash kwon // aka i decided to re-do this because i changed some parts of ash’s backstory and established career claims after i did this the first time and half of this wasn’t really true anymore rip

also there’s nowhere for me to put this in the answers anymore so i’ll put it here: circles is ash’s best song

content warning: mentions of alcohol abuse and drug use / abuse, but none of it is in-depth

assuming your muse has changed in some way, be it internally or as a result of a change of the external factors around them, how is your muse different?

for the most part, ash’s general personality and character has stayed the same. he’s the same angsty, creative, romantic dude at heart, but he’s a little more jaded in some ways.

ash moved around before he became a trainee now. he lived in san francisco, sydney, and seattle. when he lived in sydney, it was just him and his mom and he grew really close to her during that time. he doesn’t really feel like he has a home at all since seoul is the longest he’s ever lived somewhere, but he’s less happy so that’s not home either.

ash is a better technical singer now ig, being a main vocal. he focused more on singing as a trainee now instead of dancing. his ankle injury in 2018 was a little more serious now, which is why he doesn’t dance much in his solo music anymore. it’s also why he’s less interested in dance, but, at the same time, i think it leaves more potential for him to re-develop some love for it again.

he’s also now the maknae, although it’s a common joke in the fandom that he doesn’t act like it. he debuted a year and three months younger than before and he feels a lot more beholden to the industry now. has even less of an idea of what he’d be outside of it at this point, even though he got closer to actually leaving it than previous ash ever did.

he’s still had a couple of minor attitude controversies in titan’s early days caused by cultural differences. he was in public relationships in 2016 and 2019. neither were received well for their own reasons. his clubbing habit has gotten him into some controversy, though bc has never issued a statement on it beyond that one time they had to confirm the woman in a picture of him clubbing was his girlfriend because people were trying to accuse him of cheating. he has a passionate anti gallery and obsessive sasaengs that make his life a living hell.

since renewing his contract, ash has also had a few hiatuses of varying lengths due to his physical or mental health. this was true before with how he naturally developed, but it’s more tied together now as a result of generally poor physical and mental health he’s been experiencing for a few years now after his dating scandals and his ankle injury in 2018.

his image is more streamlined now too! he never really had the era of being pushed as a cleancut boyfriend that old ash had around 2018. he’s been marketed as a musical genius / sexy bad boy rockstar / artist with a tortured soul for as long as he’s been majorly pushed individually. this means he’s still very sexualized, but he hates his image a little less because he can be a little more himself as far as personal style and self-expression through tattoos and piercings goes.

what does your muse think of their company and their group?

this hasn’t really changed. ash has no real love for bc entertainment and wouldn’t really care if titan disbanded tomorrow. some of their music is good and some isn’t (though he considers less of it terrible without wolf and gorilla in the mix lmao), but he feels he’s mostly outgrown it as an artist. not that it’s below him, but it’s not what he connects with creatively, which is far more important to him now than it had been when he’d first debuted. he doesn’t hold ill will toward his groupmates unless he feels they’ve given him an individual reason to, and actually feels more guilty toward them for getting involved in scandals and taking hiatuses more than anything, but they’re also not his best friends. he views titan as a purely work endeavor and he doesn’t feel bad about the fact he got about as close as possible to leaving them without actually doing so that he could back during contract renewals. after all, they’d be fine without him. he’s a main vocal, but they’ve got two others. he’s a dancer, but they’ve got two others. he can write music, but titan has never been his main priority there and others are more than capable of doing it. he wants out of both the group and the company but is starkly aware of the fact that he did this to himself when he re-signed out of what he now perceives to have been impulse and greed.

since titan is the seniormost active group under bc, ash tries to be a good senior to his company juniors in general, but there are certainly more welcoming alternatives than him. he worries about them from a distance more than anything else.

is your muse on their first contract or their second? if they’ve renewed, what were their feelings around that at the time and what were their hopes for their second contract?

he’s on his second contract and he definitely regrets renewing. he hadn’t planned to renew for the longest time the lack of privacy and the public criticism and the hate he’d received were just too much, and he had plans that would require him to stop being an active idol, namely marrying his girlfriend of two and a half years at the time. their relationship wasn’t stable enough at the time for that to be a good idea and that was proven when they broke up shortly before final negotiations for contract renewals, but ash wanted an excuse to escape and the idea of a happy, normal life more than he wanted to be rational.

spite after the (very brief lmao) break up was part of his decision to renew, but bc entertainment also offered to support him as a songwriter and producer in addition to allowing him to regularly release solo music. he still really loved music and his first taste of promoting as a solo artist had been right before renewals as a proposal to sway him into re-signing, so he was swayed to sign on for seven more years. they followed through on their promises, but he struggles to weigh the recognition he’s earned as a solo artist and songwriter-producer against signing his life away again and doing a number on his physicla and mental health. most of his health issues and his hiatuses have happened during his second contract, as well as several behind-the-scenes situations that could have become scandals if they’d had any less luck, mostly stemming from ash drinking too much and his occasional recreational drug use, so he’s not sure bc even really feels the contract renewal was entirely worth it.

what are your muse’s goals and motivations?

if you asked ash this, he wouldn’t know what to answer. he doesn’t feel very motivated these days and pretty much feels like he only does anything because he’s contractually obligated to. making music as a form of expression has long been his main drive, and beyond that, the desire to make a mark on the world he can be remembered by through his music, but he often oscillates now between feeling like there’s not much more he can realistically achieve and the sense of hopelessness that he can try as hard as he wants, but his music’s never going to be what he’s defined by when he’s a public figure with an image.

he also feels a duty to make his parents proud. though i could argue that might be less now than it was in the previous iteration of ash, it’s still very much there. they let him come to seoul when he’d just turned thirteen to follow a dream that many never get to follow all the way through to the end and they believed in him fully. they express how proud they are of him when they do talk, but he doesn’t know that he believes them. he doesn’t feel that anything he’s done has been deserving of paying them back for everything they’ve given to him.

right now, he wants to be able to feel excited about his life and what he’s making again. he’s trying to better himself internally in regards to the way he views himself and his mental health, although he’s more prone to still taking steps backwards there than he was at this point previously. a lot of the ways ash has found to feel that excitement and creativity he wants (such as recreational drugs and excessive alcohol consumption and fleeting, sometimes toxic, relationships) do damage to his mental wellbeing, so it’s a balancing act at the moment.

what is one conflict, internal or external, that your muse is currently dealing with, has recently dealt with, or will need to deal with in the future?

i covered this partially with the last one, but one major conflict remains his internal conflict about his passion for music. this was very much where ash was before as well, but now that i’m really pushing songwriting and producing as his main career path, it presents a more equal professional and personal challenge for him.

more than having truly lost joy in making music, he’s burnt out. his latest album lovesick was emotionally exhausting because it was a partially rushed, deeply personal and vulnerable album exclusively based on an unhealthy relationship that had stretched its hold on him out over for almost six years, and then he went into making music that he couldn’t relate to at all and didn’t really fit his image all because bc thought it would sell well.

the burn out in his personal life has affected the burn out in his professional life he would be feeling anyway and made it ten times worse. it feels more hopeless because he doesn’t have much else going for him. in the past few months, his relationship with alcohol and drugs also reverted back to unhealthy after he was doing better with it for a while, not helped by a really bad stint with his mental health. all of this was at its worse in june before he went on hiatus, and in this universe, his behavior was more of a factor in his hiatus than him practically begging to leave the group because ash is more resigned to the fact that he chose to sign back on with bc and that that’s on him. instead, there was more of a push by his manager, who knew that ash was on the road to a major scandal if action wasn’t taken.

almost all of his conflicts are internal right now. he’s become successful enough that external factors other than the large umbrella of having to remain in titan can be negotiated, but he’s too tired to do so because of everything going on inside of him. there’s a lot of negative feelings going on inside of him, and he’s trying to deal with them one by one, but it’s hard to see the weight of them easing that way.

if your muse has established career claims, what are their thoughts on their career so far? if they do not, how do they feel about not having individual activities yet? what would they like to do in the future, if anything? if they don’t have ambitions for individual activities, explain why.

ash has been able to establish himself a little more as a songwriter and producer outside of his solo music. he wrote “universe” for titan in 2017, and after that, as promised, bc hooking him up with the right opportunities and connections to establish himself more. since then, in addition to his heavy involvement in his solo music (his 2020 album lovesick was entirely written/composed/produced by him alone), he’s worked on calypso’s “rollin’” in 2018, polaris’s “fake love” (a korean music awards song of the year!) and “the truth untold” in 2019, and lily’s “i’m so sick” this year. i’m planning on more being added there with these extra ecp and maybe some refunded since i think i’m going to drop some of his points claims to streamline his career better.

his canon discography creative claims reflect his progression as a songwriter, from very earnest and romantic to more sensual to very uhhh angsty and personal to developing a more polished and professional sound as he grew in experience as a songwriter and producer.

ash is praised for having several representative works as a songwriter that all speak to his individual style, and ash is happy with what he’s gotten to do since he does genuinely enjoy working as a songwriter and producer.

he’s planning to continue branching out in this direction, so look for quite a lot of ash dabbling in canon discographies in the future. before, i’d say ash’s primary push was solo music, but my plan for him is for songwriting and producing to be his main career path from now on with solo music as a close secondary.

[reachfortheskiespeeps]

The Meeting

FANFICTION BY: ''You know who you are ; ))'' AU: #actorAU PAIRING: MIKHAIL x ARCHER (aka HS!AU Adult Emilio's actor and HS!AU Adult Abel's actor)

⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛⬛

((A/N: I ended up writing this before the one I initially thought to do, I swear this is much tamer than the other 😂 Sorry to disappoint, no spicy scenes, maybe next time XD Thank you Eszii for your spicy art, I just about burst into flames from it 💞

It’s this ship again, Mikhail x Archer, bc I am currently in love with them. I don’t think I’ll get over them for a while. I wanna write about them going through classic shoujo tropes, like, idk, beach episode? xmas episode? kabedon? ‘A got sick so B took care of A’? Gimme ideas y'all. I wanna keep writing while I have the motivation to do so, since I’ve had a dry spell for a year now 😂

One thing to note before getting started, Idk how to phrase it, but basically this fic is not in chronological order–but also yes bc it’s in the order i wrote it–I hope it’s not too confusing. Aight happy reading!))

——

Mikhail loves leaving butterfly kisses and hickeys all over Archer’s soft and fair body. He has his favorite areas, which are evident from how many and how deep they are, so Archer can’t even look at his reflection without blushing. Mikhail likes the sight of his lover covered in marks he made, knowing it was he who made them. While he does want to make it known that Archer is his, he doesn’t cause trouble by leaving marks on areas impossible to cover. On days when Archer isn’t busy, Mikhail is given free reign to kiss wherever he wished. He doesn’t want Archer getting hurt, so he rarely makes blatant bite marks, and the only times he did that was because Archer was being naughty and had to be taught a 'lesson’. (Although Archer didn’t seem very hurt by them, and instead….)

Archer, on the other hand, likes biting Mikhail’s hard body. He bites, he scratches, he licks. He did it the first time because he was being pouty and petty–it’s tough being the receiver ya know? And Mikhail just lets him because he’s cute and it’s kinda hot to feel his fangs sinking in like that. But then Archer got used to doing it and eventually did it because Archer noticed that Mikhail seemed to like being bitten (by none other than him, of course). He once caught Mikhail looking at his body on the mirror with a happy little tug on the corner of his lips, looking very much like a content Big Bad Wolf. Archer could almost see an imaginary tail wagging. He loves Mikhail’s body for all its glory and imperfections, even if the man himself didn’t, so leaving those marks on him was one of Archer’s many ways to show affection.

So one day when Mikhail shows up to work without bothering to cover up (it wasn’t noticeable anyway, his dark skin, tattoos and intimidating aura was enough for people not to look long enough to notice anything), Logan, who was beside Mikhail getting prepared for a scene, saw a small portion of scratch marks on his chest, the rest hidden by the v-neck shirt Mikhail wore.

And before he could stop his mouth, Logan found himself asking, “You have a cat, Mikhail?” Yuki, who was in the room with them too, looked up from reading his script upon hearing the brave attempt of Logan to converse with Mikhail. He didn’t join them, but he sat there, just listening in on their conversation. He didn’t have the guts that Logan had, but he was still interested to see how their conversation would go.

Mikhail looked at him–it was an ordinary glance but Logan still almost flinched. “Oh?”

'It was a gentler reply than I expected,’ Yuki thought. 'He is in a good mood?’

Logan seemed to think that as well, so he carried on the conversation. “Since when did you have it? Did you get it vaccinated yet? Some cats are just really playful, they don’t mean to be naughty, so it’s better to be patient and discipline them when–”

“Why do you think I have a cat?” Mikhail interrupted.

“Hm? Ah, I saw the scratch on your chest. What does your cat look like, by the way?”

Mikhail thought about it before he answered. “Pretty, soft, round, and pure white, got some claws, but never intends to hurt me. It’s cute.”

“And the eyes?” Logan eagerly asked.

“Hypnotic.” Mikhail unconsciously smiled, though Logan didn’t seem to notice, too happy to talk to the man in a pleasant manner. “Makes the cutest sounds too.”

But Yuki did.

“You must really love your cat huh?” Logan, as well as the silent Yuki, was surprised to know that Mikhail had a soft side. Well, not so surprised. He’s only ever truly obedient to Archer, whether the two of them noticed it or not.

Mikhail thought back to the man resting at home. Archer’s next scene was scheduled for tomorrow, so he had enough time to recover the energy he lost.

Mikhail played with his 'cat’ a bit too much last night. His clothes hid the many marks all over his chest and back made by his oh so cute little cat who grew resentful of Mikhail’s stamina, yet still unable to withstand mewling to his irresistible charm.

With a mischievous smile, Mikhail said, “I do.”

—-

Bonus:

After the shoot, in the shower rooms.

Yuki’s reaction when he saw Mikhail’s back: やっぱりね~ [Yappari ne~] Not a ネコ [neko], but a こいびと [koibito]…. Well, maybe both.

((A/N: Fun fact, neko in Japanese slang can also mean the “bottom” in a relationship. The more you know~

Can you guys recommend some sexy songs? I need background music for when I write stuff like this lol))

——

The first time Mikhail 'met’ Archer, it was on the radio. He was in his car, driving alone to a destination that no upright citizen should have any business with. He wasn’t in a good mood. Everything ticked him off–the traffic that he’d already passed, the voices on the radio who thought they were being funny, the sun blazing high up in the cloudless sky. He turned the radio off because it was annoying, but the goddamn silence left him with too much space to think. He needed a distraction. So he turned it back on and chose a random station.

“–by Archer Charles,” after the introduction, a pleasant-sounding voice thanked and began to sing live.

When Mikhail heard that voice, he sharply inhaled through his nose, his slightly dry lips parting.

Mikhail was not very good at describing. He could only say what he felt upon listening to Archer’s voice. Mikhail, who had been irate, was awestruck. He had never heard a voice so…. erotic. It’s not that the song itself was sexy or whatever, but there was something about that voice that made him….

'Ah.’

“Damn.” Mikhail cursed when he looked down to check his pants. “Almost.”

Mikhail heaved a deep breath to calm himself down.

'Charles Archer, was it?’

Ever since then, he became a fan of Archer. He kept this interest a secret from his colleagues; he didn’t want to hear their ribbing. He supported the singer the best he could and eventually, an opportunity arised for him to meet Archer at last.

He took a day off and even disguised himself to look as normal and harmless as possible for a man of his stature. Of course, he got his hands on a backstage pass. It wasn’t difficult to get for someone like him. He asked the staff if it was possible for him to meet the singer before the concert, because despite having taken a day off for today, Mikhail was concerned he would have to cut his holiday short. What if there was an emergency at work halfway through the concert? No, he’ll make use of this backstage pass, he would make sure he wouldn’t leave this place without meeting Archer.

At least, that’s what he thought before hearing his voice.

They were separated by the door he was about to open, but he could clearly hear an angel from behind this flimsy slab of wood. Mikhail knew from Archer’s instagram story yesterday that he was singing a song from an animated movie he just watched and he really loved it. Archer sung the song slowly, gently, as if lulling a child to sleep, and yet it did not lose its cheer.

“I’ll swim and sail on savage seas With never a fear of drowning And gladly ride the waves of life If you would marry me,

"No scorching sun nor freezing cold Will stop me on my journey If you will promise me your heart And love me for eternity,”

Oh. Oh. Mikhail covered his mouth with his hand, feeling the blood rush to his cheeks. The staff were buzzing around in preparation for the concert, but all he could hear was Archer’s voice.

“I have no use for rings of gold I care not for your poetry I only want your hand to hold I only want you near me,”

His hands were trembling–from what, he wasn’t sure. It was as if he had no control over his body. He felt parched, but at the same time, while listening to Archer, he felt so good. The best ever, after all these years. Like he was floating, higher and higher, Archer leading him by the hands, and Mikhail did not feel a shred of fear of falling.

“To love and kiss to sweetly hold For the dancing and the dreaming Through all life’s sorrows and delights I’ll keep your laugh beside me,

"I’ll swim and sail on savage seas With never a fear of drowning I’d gladly ride the waves so white If you will marry me!”

The heart he thought that had gone cold was reminding Mikhail of its presence when he heard the loud beating, as if his heart were right next his ears. His body seemed to throb achingly along with every beat.

Mikhail was brought back to earth when he felt the vibrating of his phone. It was the right decision to use the backstage pass early. He had to go back now.

'Meeting Archer will have to be moved. Again.’ Mikhail thought, changing out of the disguise in his car.

He was pissed that his work disturbed his time with Archer. Mikhail knew that after today, it wouldn’t be enough for him to just listen to his voice from a recording. He was being greedy, he knew, but he couldn’t help himself. After hearing his voice in real life, after almost seeing those mesmerizing scarlet eyes for himself, after being so close to meeting the reason he’s been sleeping well these past few months,

How could it be held against him to want more?

Mikhail had been mulling over this for a long time, but now he finally had the resolve to do so. He had enough power, he could do it.

Mikhail wanted to be with Archer.

But first, he had to go to Archer’s world.

—–

“I only want one person to play Abel.” Mikhail demanded.

The director raised an eyebrow, meeting Mikhail’s glare with a steady gaze. “I chose you because you’re a perfect fit for the role of Emilio, even though you’re a complete rookie.” Milo went back to looking at applicants for the role. “You’re in no place to make demands.” Milo retorted, disregarding the fact that Mikhail was the drama’s biggest sponsor. From the short time he’s known the man, he knew Mikhail wasn’t so unreasonable that he thought the world should bow to his whims because of money. However, he did have no qualms in using to his advantage the fear of people towards him due to the rumors of his ties to a gang.

“Archer. Archer Charles.” Mikhail took a drag of his cigarette, rudely blowing smoke to Milo’s direction, although they were on either ends of a long table so Milo didn’t mind.

Milo paused. The name that Mikhail said just so happened to be the one he was currently looking at. 'He looks…. good. A singer? Hmm.’ Archer was the one who had everything Milo was looking for in Abel. But he didn’t want to indulge that brat. He wouldn’t admit out loud that the one Mikhail recommended looked fit for the role.

“We’ll see in the auditions,” is what Milo finally said. “let them all act out a scene with you. The chosen actor for Abel should have good chemistry with Emilio’s actor.”

In contrast to what Milo predicted, Mikhail’s eyes gleamed, a slight smirk on his lips as he scoffed, “Chemistry? I’ll show you chemistry. Careful not to burn your pretty boy face,”

Milo smiled sweetly. “My my, how thoughtful of you.”

Mikhail held his cigarette in one hand, using the other to flip the director off. Milo mentally laughed at his juvenile response.

After three candidates, it was finally Archer’s turn. From the moment he entered the room, he brought with him a soothing aura and such a genuine smile that they couldn’t help but return the smile, easing the atmosphere in the room. From the corner of his eyes, Milo knew that Mikhail’s gaze never left the singer.

“You’re not being very subtle, you know?” Milo teased lowly.

“Mind your own damn business, pretty boy.” Mikhail would have snarled, but his eyes were still trained on the angelic singer in front of them, and he didn’t seem to be capable of showing a bad face in the presence of Abel. There was no way Archer couldn’t notice it, so Milo admired the way Archer didn’t seem to mind. That in itself already won him plus points; despite Mikhail’s unconcealed disinterest, the other candidates were still visibly nervous because of him. Regardless of what Archer thought of Mikhail, he didn’t outwardly show it.

Milo asked them to do two scenes–the first was a very short, simple scene compared to the others: Emilio coming home after two days and Abel comforting his touch-starved husband.

The scriptwriter was already losing her mind, soundlessly slapping the producer beside her. She spoke in a tone that was between a whisper and a squeal, “Oh my god, oh my god. They’re so perf I cannot even. They’re like, they’re like, so good together. Archer looks so soft and warm and white like rice, Mikhail is a mouth-watering dish, and together they make a complete meal!”

The second scene was not so innocent. To see how well they’d work together ad lib, they were not given any lines, just a scenario.

Abel in heat, in need of his alpha.

The judges watched, engrossed in the scene played out by the two. Archer’s wet, glassy eyes, flushed cheeks, panting and whimpering as he stared up at Mikhail, wordlessly pleading to be held. Mikhail, rigid for all but three seconds, scooped him into his arms, his unveiled desire lacing his husky voice and the almost feral look in his eyes. “I got you, babe.”

Archer went limp in his embrace, letting his whole weight be carried by Mikhail, arms reaching up to hug his neck. He rubbed his cheek against Mikhail’s neck, bare skin on bare skin, and let the words breathily escape from his mouth: “Please, dear, please, hmmm….”

At this point, the scriptwriter couldn’t hold her shrieking anymore, and so the spell was broken; Archer moved five steps away from Mikhail, who looked terribly displeased at the disturbance. “You got it! Oh honey, you’re perfect!” She stood up from her seat and enthusiastically gushed about the chemistry between the two.

The producer tugged her sleeve and reminded, “We have yet to discuss it together, keep your crazy down.” It is notable though, that the producer did not refute her words.

“Fine, let’s talk about it now. What does director think?” she turned to ask Milo.

Milo didn’t reply to her. Instead, he looked at Archer with a welcoming smile. “We start shooting next month, please call your manager in and we’ll discuss in more detail.”

The moment the cameras were rolling–no, even if they were off, sparks would still fly, that much the judges could tell. They were so perfect for the roles, they even pulled off not being cringy or awkward despite being relatively new to the acting business. It was because they complemented each other, both as themselves and the characters they portray.

Granted, Mikhail played favorites and didn’t do his best with the others trying out for the role, but what he had with Archer…. was unique. Together they were like a flame. They made anyone watching them feel like moths unable to look away from the bright and warm light, and anyone who gets too close will burn. Milo knew he struck gold with these two.

Milo looked at the innocent Archer and the devilish Mikhail. 'Poor kid. He’s not letting you go.’ Milo mentally smiled mischievously. 'Oh well, this will be fun to watch.’

—–

Bonus:

Archer, alone in a room: w h y, he was so cool, I was so flustered I couldn’t even look him in the eye, I’m so lame aaaaaahhhhh

—–

“I love it when you sing for me,” Mikhail says, his fingers tracing random patterns on his wife’s chest. “Even better when I make you sing.”

Archer shot an amused glance at his fiance, catching the man’s wandering hand on his chest because it was starting to tickle and make him shiver, and he was not about to be led into another round. Archer is determined to stand his ground this time, not to be affected by Mikhail’s seduction. It was his own stubbornness really, because it was so frustrating that he was the only one who always got flustered and unraveled.

But he has yet to learn his lesson, since he naively asked, “What’s the difference?”

Mikhail softly nips at Archer’s exposed collarbone, and Archer all but melts into a puddle when his irritatingly charming husband-to-be whispers, Mikhail’s lips against the helix of his ear: “Let’s find out, hm?”

Archer thinks to himself, 'Whatever, it’s not like he’s bad at it.’ When Archer has these kinds of thoughts, he feels even more embarrassed, and takes it out on Mikhail, the bad influence, by biting whatever part of his body Archer can reach at the moment.

And years after, as Archer reads a book on the large sofa while Mikhail naps with his head on Archer’s thicc lap, he realizes something about his husband.

Mikhail had the power to make Archer’s knees tremble in the most delightful way. He could make Archer reach the limits of his vocal range as they exercised. He could crumble Archer with a single, rare smile–a genuine smile, not a teasing grin or a provocative smirk, not that they don’t make him feel butterflies all the same.

But Archer, it belatedly dawned on him who made Mikhail that way. Archer roused the fire in Mikhail, made it hungry for him, made it want him. Archer didn’t just see it–he heard it, he felt it. Everyday, Mikhail would kiss him. He was not shy to say 'I love you’ contrary to everyone else’s expectations; he would hug Archer’s waist, bury his head on the crook of Archer’s neck, and mutter, 'I missed you’ or 'Come home soon’ when either of them became bogged with a packed schedule. Archer didn’t even know if Mikhail was conscious that he makes puppy dog eyes when doing those gestures.

Archer makes Mikhail melt.

He was notorious in the industry for the rumors of his ties to the yakuza, and it didn’t help that he looked the part and always answered ambiguously when asked. There was no media coverage about their tying the knot, perhaps thanks to Mikhail’s interference, but the people in their industry know. Most, who have never seen or worked with them together, didn’t believe it would last. They had even been worried about Archer getting hurt.

Hurt? By this defenseless, naughty, loving man?

Archer’s nails dug into the skin of his hands and assured them that his husband was not that kind of man. He smiled, but deep inside he was angry. Angry at them, but also at himself. Because once upon a time, he was scared of Mikhail too. Scared of him because of the rumors, scared of him because of his daunting build, scared of how easily Mikhail could break him, scared of how, despite all that, Mikhail was still so attractive in his eyes.

But Mikhail was gentle. Yes he was teasing and lewd, but he was always so sweet, so caring. Mikhail would cup his hands on Archer’s cheeks, staring in entertainment at how he made him blush, then kiss his pouting lips several times. And then, Mikhail would smile. His eyes curved, whatever harshness on his face melted away.

Archer still remembers the day he said yes.

Mikhail had never looked as nervous, then dumbfounded, then jubilant in a span of a minute. Mikhail grabbed him into a hug and spun him around, bursting with an unrestrained, happy laugh. If others saw Mikhail then, they would probably be weirded out and think he’s on some sort of drugs. He was never so positively expressive outside of acting out his role, and even then, most of them were directed at Archer. For Archer, it wasn’t strange at all. Mikhail slowly opens up to him for each day they are together, in the more frequent smiles, in the stories of his tattoos and the scars underneath. He knew Mikhail was only like that in front of him, and he felt so childish for feeling proud of it.

Mikhail put him back on his feet, arms still around his waist. They were forehead to forehead, eyes focused on the other pair, and Mikhail swore, “I’ll be good to you forever,”

Archer smiled. He had half the mind to think, 'Oh, he was a forever man. Such a romantic.’ He said, “I know. I’ll be good to you forever too,”

Archer ingrained in his memories the look of absolute joy and love on Mikhail.

Mikhail stirred from his nap. “Um…. hey.” the man blinked a couple of times. “Did you eat yet? Sorry, just wake me up next time.”

“It’s too early to eat, dear, it’s only been an hour. You came home in the morning, you should catch up on your sleep.” Mikhail always rushed home after an out of town job, unmindful of the jetlag and exhaustion that would follow.

“Yeah,” there was still sleep in Mikhail’s tone. Archer knew he would go back to sleep if he just closed his eyes.

“Why don’t you close your eyes?” At this point in their relationship, Archer was aware that Mikhail liked being spoiled, and he liked it even more when he could flirt like this with Archer.

“I want my goodnight kiss.” Mikhail said righteously.

Archer chuckled and bent down to place a chaste kiss on his husband’s lips.

He put a hand on Mikhail’s forehead, brushing away the stray strands of hair. “There, now go to sleep, dear.”

Mikhail hummed, evidently pleased, and obediently followed his wife’s demand.

As for whether Archer stole a kiss from his handsome sleeping husband, and whether Mikhail was actually asleep, that would be a secret they’d keep to themselves.

——

((A/N:

Q: If Mikhail is so tired since he rushed home, why are they resting on the sofa? Isn’t the bed more comfy?

A: The bed is broken. They have yet to buy a new bed because Abel wants Mikhail to learn to be more restrained. Mikhail is okay with it, since this time, he is thinking of testing the durability of the sofa, the table, the bathtub….))

Bonus:

Preparing for the wedding.

Archer: Dear, do you think I should wear a suit, or a gown?

Mikhail: Doesn’t matter.

Archer: ( • ^ • ) ?

Mikhail: I’ll be taking it off anway. ( =-= ) ✧

Archer: *sighs* I should’ve known. (〃 - 〃)

Mikhail: Wear whatever’s comfortable for you. You look beautiful in anything, even in nothing. Especially in nothing.

Archer: Mikhail! (⁄ ⁄>⁄ꇴ⁄<⁄ ⁄) … . *whispers* You too.

[lesbiansastiel]

i asked my gf who’s never watched spn to tell me what these pictures of spn characters make them think:

he has very bad promo pictures

ofc its sam! .. is that sam?

your favourite, theres at least 8000 lgbt headcanons for him

he definitely peels apples before eating them

no idea

he looks like hes in a cereal commercial

propably plays fortnite???

oh my god what the fuck

his parents needed money so he was forced to do promo pics for a school and if u uncrop this picture hes holding a backpack and a book that says like. ABC

haircut is making me think thats young sam but im not sure

me: that is young sam

ok cool!

thats a homophobe. i know a homophobe when i see one

me: the actor is

i know that thats dean, leather jacket looks smelly

i dont like or trust him bc his voice is too low, no offense

but he was funny in that episode when they thought they were... when they were the actors, i like that they shamed the actors (jensen ankles?) trailer

i always assume hes dead, every time i see him im like oh fuck hes not dead yet????

he looks like he dies first in a zombie game protecting the protagonists daughter

opens beer cans with knives (stabbing them from above)

has touristy fridge magnets

hillbilly neighbour that just stuck around

later: OH HIS NAME IS bobby

um........ lost journalist from a chick-flick

looks too enthusiastic to be in this show

name starts w an R and dies dramatically and causes trauma for multiple people?

me: its charlie

oh....

me: do you know who that is?

shes the one that causes angst in ur fanfic? someone’s ex? writes paranormal articles- like someone who works in a pokemon centre and takes care of the reporting to the media i know this is not true but that’s how it should be based on characted design

why.. what is that shirt

she looks like she’s from twin peaks but like a weird 90s techno nostalgia version

probably not real, but someones hallucination, like a little sister that someone lost and then hallucinates coming back?????

me: that’s jess.. from my fic

oh no im so sorry, i thought that the previous one was that one

then thats like a college person who sam did like drugs and beer with and they were happy and then she died.. tragic :(

umm öööööö, uhhhh

kinda looks like a serial killer, like a bad one who hasnt killed anyone in years so his face is tired. he wants flesh

um,i say um to everyone im so sorry

he has a conflicted expression

i think he’s sassy or just tired of everyone

no idea who that is.. i just feel sorry for this character idk why

*laughs*

a 12-year-old who got a toy gun for christmas bc hes american

hes gay probably and pretending to like guns so his dad doesnt get disappointed

for real, in this show, a young new hunter and messes up and then does one heroic thing and dies immediately after?

this looks like the perfect love interest who dies dramatically and is relationship with an important man character whose controlling when she wants to be independent and doesnt want to hide in a basement like the man wants her to

me: ??????????????????

she also looks like a cop like every woman in this show somehow but her character design is too soft to be a tv cop woman lady

2009 hair

probably a cop?

is styled in a way that always looks way too make-uppy and probably wears heels to work bc this is a bad character design show

me: shes not a human i can say that much

then shes a demon bc thats what all the women are in this show, theyre all demons

i hope shes not evil, this might be trap she looks friendly but that isnt the truth

this looks like a slightly messy and like, bohemic twin of the reporter that works in a pokemon centre

is probably rich

lots of anger that is not showcased in this picture

clenched fists

all in all, suspicious

probably supposed to be related since theyre in the same picture and different ages but they dont look related at all

they look like they’re from teen wolf

and probably would star in a scene where they see that someone has key’ed their car and theyre like fuuuuck

i think this character is supposed to be a cool friend woman whose not supposed to be super feminine and love-interesty bc shes wearing plaid and drinkin beer but they Failed

probably a werewolf

also is she wearing nothing under that plaid what is this...

me: oh fuck why is this picture so HQ compared to the rest...

it’s bc he’s an angel

obscene amount of powers that seem useless bc if he actually had Power they wouldnt need this show and he could just figure everything out

i know that people wear those annoying pins that say theyre waiting for an angel in trench coat. but i dont think he’s ever going to come :(

i think his name is castiel and mishaapocalypse happened w his face

and i saw his face taped to a mcdonald door in a small town in finland

yet another teen wolf character

looks like a suspicious teenager who lives in a town where they (the brothers) stop to get gas and he’s hanging out at the gas station

hes like heyyy youre not like other people here are you perhaps... hunters bc my mom died and now my house is haunted

daddy issues

me: correct

um. another beer lady. probably, people have decided, a lesbian

looks like a stock photo of someone eating salad at a rural setting after a hard day at work milking cows

also somehow looks like works in a lab

is related to the weird open-flannel-no-t-shirt woman (the beer one), probably her mom

thats all

um. major demon

probably has a scene where she tries to kill someone with a knife seductively

hated in the fandom and in fanfic someone who tries to steal deans man (which is stupid bc deans a homophobe anywaY)

also looks like fantasy show self-insert but evil

me: i think that’s a teenager

welcome to my twisted mind

im sorry...

happy

which is making me think that he probably dies, sadly.

probably takes care of an older family member

has some demon problems

that’s all

post-apocalyptic show character where theyre trying to have something else than 40yo white hilbilly men bc thats not media sexy

i hope that she doesnt die but probably does bc shes not a major character

me: can i reveal something i know

yes please

me: her and the blonde that you called demon had a thing canonically

cool!!!!

probably lives in a ranch that has no electricity due to demon problems

me: :D

and still does her hair somehow

uuummmm this looks like someone’s weird flashback version that is supposed to look like a teenager but actually looks older

me: uhh this is a bad picture let me find a bettter one

me: there we go

looks like this character needs a cowboy hat

probably writes dean’s name in her diary??

COMPHET

thats all

[fmdtaeyongarchive]

headcanon #019: hair through the eras

word count: 1,375 1,501 1,555 words

updated august 8, 2020 february 13, 2021 !

Mama (2012)

Ash debuted with what I would like to call shaggy emo hair.  It was a little longer and wavier than he’d had normally in the most recent times pre-debut, but Ash quite liked this style for his hair at the time and had no complaints.

Wolf (2013)

It took over a year for Knight to comeback and during that time Ash had mostly kept his hairstyle from Mama era. It was only when it came time to shoot the music video and promotional photos they he was given a new hairdo for the era, which was a reddish-brown coif. The aim was to make him look a little older and a little sportier without making him look too mature since he was still one of the younger members of the group. Though he was only seventeen, he began to earn more attention for his visuals this era than he had in debut. Despite his negative opinions on nearly everything else about this era, he once again didn’t have any major complaints about his hair style, though he was attached to his debut era hair.

Growl (2013)

Growl was the first time Ash had an obviously unnatural hair color, as he was styled with a red bowl cut with angular bangs. As was the styling of the era, the style was chosen to look youthful and easy to style with a backwards baseball cap if they chose to put him in one. He went back to a natural color very quickly after this era finished, as he found the hair dye made his hair more brittle due to being particularly sensitive to it.

Overdose (2014)

For Overdose, Ash went back to an unnatural color with dark purple hair, usually styled in a comma hairstyle. It was a popular look for fans at the time, but Ash wouldn’t personally consider it one of his favorite hairstyles he’s ever had and he went back to a normal dark brown halfway through promotions due to the hair dye irritating him again. It was one of the more popular eras for him visually again, though. Fans seemed to like his hair styled to show his forehead.

Call Me Baby (2015) 

For Call Me Baby, Ash’s hair was somewhat similar to the previous era with dark brown hair, though his bangs were shorter. He didn’t have much of an opinion on his styling this era, to be honest.

Love Me Right (2015)

For Love Me Right, Ash’s hair was lightened to a light brown with long bangs and some blonde highlights. Ash quite liked the longer bangs looks

Sing For You (2015)

While this is one of Ash’s favorite era’s musically, he probably couldn’t tell you what his hairstyle had been for it, but he had brown hair with asymmetrically parted bangs. His hair was pretty healthy at this point and it would continue to be saved from bleach for several more eras.

Monster / Lucky One (2016) & Lotto (2016)

His first two eras after his scandal brought one of his fans’ favorite hairstyles of all time, and Ash was happy that they had something to talk about other than his recent bad press. For Monster/Lucky One promotions, as well as the repackage promotions with Lotto, Ash had black comma hair.

Fanfare (2016) & Gorilla (2016) & Hey Mama! (2016)

The next three eras came incredibly close together with almost no break for Ash, so his hairstyle remained the same throughout all three — a brown wavy style that was easy to maintain.

Can You Feel It? (2016)

This time around, Ash got a medium brown bowl cut. Ash wasn’t a huge fan, but it was a popular style at the time that many other idols had and he didn’t say anything to stylists since he was just grateful he hadn’t been punished for his scandal with outrageous hairstyles.

Roar (2017)

Roar brought the first major hair color change for Ash since Overdose three years prior  —  a light brown/dirty blonde color generally styled with a wavy texture. The bleaching required to lighten his hair had taken a toll on it again, so the color didn’t last long past the end of music show promotions.

Easy Love (2017)

His hair was back to a light brown for Easy Love, one of his favorite eras musically, but again pretty forgettable as far as hairstyle. Stylists did sometimes give him pink highlights this era, namely for the music video and a select few music show performances and fan signs early in the promotion period.

Ko Ko Bop (2017)

For Kokobop, Ash’s hair was pretty much the same as it had been for Easy Love, light brown, though they had long ago given up on the pink highlights by this point. He was also on We Got Married’s special summer season during this time, so they wanted him to have an approachable and friendly look.

365 Fresh (2017) & Power (2017)

For these two eras, which included the first round of promotions Ash had ever done outside of his group, he went slightly darker with the brown and had some highlights to add texture. Unlike the past few eras, his hair was finally styled to expose his forehead again and was often styled for a wavy coif of bangs to frame his face. It was, again, a more popular era for him visually, as most eras where his bangs are styled out of his face tend to be.

I’m Young (2017) & O Sole Mio (2018) & Blooming Days (2018)

For his solo debut as well as the Knight era and the White Knight era following it, Ash ditched the shades of brown to go for a solid black that was generally styled with his bangs parted in the middle to show his forehead again. It could be argued this was the beginning of a more mature styling for him.

Critical Beauty (2018)

For Critical Beauty, Ash kept the black, though it was styled with his bangs to one side and out of his face and he had a bit of an undercut. Compared to his usual middle part, he had a side part this era. Ash liked this style, but it only lasted as long as music show promotions before he changed it again.

Tempo (2018) & Untitled, 2014 (2018)

Ash’s hair was initially dyed pink/red for the filming of his BC Portal “New Heroes”, but due to an overwhelmingly positive response, he kept it through the end of the year. By the time he was promoting Untitled, 2014, it was more of a faded pink or even simply blonde to spare his hair from all of the dye on top of the bleach.

Love Shot (2019)

After the damage his hair had suffered in the back half of 2018, it was obvious Ash would need to go back to a dark brown for Love Shot era. It matched the dark and sexy but sophisticated vibes of the song, anyway.

Troublemaker (2019)

For Troublemaker, Ash’s hair was still dark brown or black, but he had begun letting it grow out.

Now or Never (2019) & Now (2019)

For Knight’s next comeback as well as his second release with Yoona, he had continued letting his hair grow out and it was now dark and curly. Ash was really loving growing his hair out longer than he’d ever been allowed to have it be and if he hadn’t been so exhausted at time time, he would have been really feeling himself. As it hair got longer, it got more divisive, though, and there was a vocal minority of fans (and, even more so, anti-fans jumping on the opportunity to hate) who absolutely hated the new look and were more than happy to make it known in online comments and to his face.

Romanticism / D (Half Moon) (2019) & Enough (2020)

For his third solo album through now, Ash’s hair has been black and wavy, and at its longest. He’s not a very vain person, but he really does like how he looks these days and thinks he’s the closest to how he’d choose to look if he wasn’t an idol and had more of a say in how he presents himself.

Woo Ah (2020)

Ash cut his hair shortly before the release of his song. It was far more BC’s idea than his, but he sported a shorter hair style with blue-green ends for the short promotions of this song, often in a forehead-exposing, comma hair style. For several months after, as his hair began to slowly grow out again, he would still make appearances with green ends.

How Can I Love The Heartbreak, You’re The One I Love (2020)

The sound of this song was more of a classic sound, so Ash lost the dyed ends and instead stuck with dark brown/black hair that had grown out to a similar length as it had been around the same time the year before and generally styled wavy.

Bittersweet (2020)

For this comeback, Ash kept the longer dark hair that he’d had in his viral fancam a month prior, which was pretty similar to his hair from the previous solo album. His hair was permed during this time and throughout this period, he often styled his hair up in buns or ponytails.

[nvrissa]

hello laid ease and furries ( u know who u are )......hahaha....are u ready for this ? zimzalabim ! my name is xan ( she/her pronouns ) and my laptop has been broken for a good 3 years now i have to use an onscreen keyboard so if u see me typing for 20000 years on discord only to send u a single sentence u know whats up x JSDBJWBJW here is the intro....im really winging this no one call me out for that WOOO....tw: medication, mental health, body image ? perhaps just to be safe <3

ok ! so im not gonna talk too much abt family stuff bc yuno and i are doing the collab of the century here and art takes time people ! JSBDJBWDJW but so u get a good idea...i will write a little abt it lets get it 

so the kwons were two of the biggest faces in hollywood ( and tbh they are still considered icons / hollywood royalty no matter how old they get they stay #Relevant ) think bradgelina ! literally everyone knows who the kwons if u dont u probably live under a rock /: 

their parents are very into the fame thing...so when it came to their kids ( nari and wolfe ) they SUPER pushed the famous life onto them, really expecting both of them to be just as obsessed and enamored by the public. idk if u guys ever say that vid of gigi and bella hadid before they were huge were their mom was pressuring them both to get into modeling and to stay skinny and to be stars etc....it was kinda like that !

so narissa, being the first born, really just internalized that shit...like imagine being told ever since u were a baby that fame and status and ur last name are wildly important and not being able to remember a time when u werent being watched by cameras / a third party ( the public ) bc that was her life ! nari has....no experience as to what life is like without cameras and without having to create this image of herself that ppl are gonna be into 

obviously that’s NOT normal....and it had it’s toll on her /: as a kid she grew up so fast like u know those kids that seem so mature and wise for their age ? that was nari. she always had two versions of herself: inside nari vs outside nari. she was so good at being good just bc she knew what stuff to express and what stuff to keep inside ( spoiler alert: most of it was kept in x )  

she is still very much desperate to please her parents despite it all /: i feel like for a long time she kinda excepted and agreed that fame is everything ( hence why shes known for using her last name to get her places ) but shes starting to realize just how FUCKED it all is and just how much it’s messed her up so stay tuned for more fun !

ok so career stuff ! nari started off as a child model bc she was um super cute and super good at knowing what to do / not freaking out in front of cameras <3 but she was always obsessed with actors ! she used to sit in front of the tv for hours legit study and memorize ppls mannerisms and various movie lines.. she was literally always just quoting random lines / imitating various actors so often her parents were like ok word go act !    

she landed her first role at 12 and it was a pretty huge role as a lead chara in a mini television series that revolved around a cast of kids ( think stranger things but not plot wise just how some of the mains were kids ) with zero acting experience before hand ... so it was pretty clear to the media nari got the spot bc she was a kwon ! there was a bunch of controversy around the show before it came out but once it was released...there was no denying nari had talent

after that it was just a whirlwind of acting doors opening up for her. everyone wanted nari bc of her last name and all the attention that came from it, not to mention every director wanted to be The One that helped narissa kwon become one of the most famous actresses of the 21st century. most of the time she was getting cast for selfish reasons but nari never realized it /: she was just happy to be acting bc it really was like therapy for her to become different ppl

flash forward to age 15 when narissa was finally diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and was prescribed meds to help ! it was actually a director from a movie she was working on that suggested to her parents nari might be struggling after witnessing her have a panic attack on set. not wanting a scandal, her parents agreed it was best to get her “help” which included pills and weekly therapy ! 

so nari actually didnt mind it too much tbh she HAD been struggling for a while she just assumed her anxiety was normal and just like something all famous ppl were dealing with but that wasnt the case. she was hesitant to open up to her therapist just bc she was still obsessed with this idea of inside nari vs outside nari, and she was very scared to cross that line so it took....years of sessions to build up that trust

as she got older though and as she got more famous, everyone just assumed she was better. she was more famous and loved by the day, she had become a chanel ambassador ( thank u jennie x ), her interviews on youtube always brought in record views, she’d started in plenty of movies critics agreed would become cult classics, her social medias were nearing kardashian level in terms of followers: everything was on track....

....except nari had actually never been more unstable. she had become so dependent on her meds she couldnt go anywhere or talk to anyone without popping a few in. all the watching eyes were starting to make her paranoid, not to mention the pressure from her parents ( who couldn’t be happier with nari being so famous ) was at its all time high. she had been nominated for an oscar at 21 and everyone was expecting her to win...and then she didnt

narissa kwon famously fainted at the 2018 oscars after it was announced she had lost the award. her actual fainting wasnt caught on camera or televised, but it WAS witnessed by some of the most relevant names and faces in hollywood who were in that room. the scandal took the media by storm, the hashtag #getwellnarissa trending for over 42 hours until a statement was released she had fainted bc of dehydration and other undisclosed causes and that she was okay & currently taking it easy at home surrounded by family 

in reality it was the abuse of her medication as well as all the stress, but when your last name is kwon manipulating the press is as simple as making the right phone call. unfortunately for nari and her parents, the article about the brat pack came out a week later, and there was no manipulating that source /:

for narissa, it was all a wake up call. she decided to go off her anxiety meds altogether. after falling out with the brat pack she spent that year trying to figure out who she was separate from her fame and her last name. despite some offers from a few casting directors ( surprisingly some people still wanted her despite the scandals bc she was still a kwon, after all ) narissa rejected every role except one in a coming of age indie movie that explores womanhood and mental health as well as strained relationships with mothers. the movie is set to release sometime mid august hehe (~:

she agreed to come to milan to reunite with the brat pack bc she’s still searching for herself ! nari figures the people who quite literally grew up with her might give her some answers......not to mention there is still a part of her who is desperate to reclaim the image and status she had before everything fell apart </3    

PERSONALITY/TIDBITS

narissa is....complicated to say the least. growing up in front of the cameras and in a family who prioritized fame and outside opinions of you as the most important thing, she is quite literally desperate for praise and approval. because she legit has no idea what parts of her are real and what parts of her she’s created for her public persona, she often looks for understanding in others!! shes very very good at analyzing people and understanding people in the hopes that its gonna make her better at analyzing herself, but to no avail. 

libra sun capricorn moon !! THIS is super accurate and telling if u wanna read but i kinda just summarized it in the last bullet

she is such a perfectionist with everything she does and a bit of a control freak in the sense that if she’s not the one doing something, she doesnt have faith whatever that is will be able to live up to her unrealistic standards. directors are often concerted with nari bc whenever she gets big roles.....she is so hard on herself, often asking for take after take bc she monitors every little thing abt her expression or her movements. she’s often left frustrated and disappointed with herself bc again, her standards are SUPER unrealistic ):

she’s relatively sweet!! growing up with the brat pack they probably knew her as the life of the party, very bubbly, confident, and very easy to have fun with as long as you’re being tolerable. however, she can get kind of opinionated at times so it’s very hard for you to gain her trust and respect back if you lose it. she’s also prone to random mood swings / periods of isolation, but whenever she returns its with a big smile and a soft voice assuring you everything is okay 

very good at lying and deceiving ppl but she hardly ever does it on purpose ( unless her publicists asks her too ). she’s carried this persona / public image of herself curated for consumption from others for so long, sometimes she has no idea when she’s being sincere or if she’s just convincing herself she’s being sincere. most of the time she only deceives other people about herself. she can come across as kind of elusive because of this ( think daisy from gatsby’s perspective ) but it’s not on purpose. she just legit has no true sense of self isnt that sexy?

speaking of sex. JWDBJWBDJWBD she also uses that as a coping mechanism / a weird affirmation that yes, she IS wanted by others and yes she IS seen as someone beautiful and that she IS something to be consumed by others ( like i said in my tags....male fantasies male fantasies ) but then at the same time she feels guilty abt this and so unsatisfied and disgusted at how she’s living her life as an object / manifestation of other people’s projections rather than as a normal person...rip </3 its a cycle

ever since her relationship with micah that was so hated by the public it actually ruined and ended their relationship, nari has been too scared to publicly have a relationship again. the media seems to love seeing her on casual dates with other stars, but not to see her tied down to one person, as that kind of “damages” this super accessible persona she’s put out ( think idols and why they cant date )  

she loves poetry, french music, all of marilyn monroe and audrey hepburn’s movies, nonfiction essays abt womanhood and identity, anything chanel, is particularly fond of silk dresses but is partial to velvet as well, wears lacy bralettes under everything bc it makes her a little more confident, actually prefers large parties to small ones because small gatherings are more personal therefore give her more anxiety, would only eat fruit and drink champagne if she could live like that, doesn’t know how to swim so she’s scared of the ocean as well as the dark, used to study ballet as a kid and misses it terribly, doesn’t know how to drive and isn’t planning to learn, can be materialistic at times, is probably an introvert masquerading as an extrovert for 22 years now, the only movies she cant stand are westerns, loves to travel but is scared of flying, doesn’t drink coffee, and is allergic to nuts. 

last but most important fact about narissa is that she loves her brother wolfe more than anything in this world so messing with him is the only way nari is bound to 100% hate you. she can bully him all she wants ( ex. starting very real rumors he IS in fact a furry ) but no one else is aloud to actually be mean to him or she will kill you

also very random but i had a hc that when she was 6 and her pet cat jinx died she caused enough fuss at home her parents actually made it a national holiday in about thirteen different states. the anniversary of this death is december 4th and yes . the brat pack better mourn jinx with nari every year......

pls spare plots im sorry this is so long.....JBDJBWJDBWJBWDJBJ i promise it will be worth it also im sensitive and very small ... how can u say no ? 

[alternctives]

hey yall ! i’m v, 20, she/her, living in the est . . . yikes i’m so late and i suck at intros but i swear i’m excited to rp with u all and i promise i’ll be replying to messages soon ( i’m nOT ignoring you ! ) . . i just wanted to get this out of the way first . forgive me, i can be a bit slow at responding sometimes but give me all the plots tbh!! anyway, this’ll probably be a big ol Mess because i haven’t thought everything completely through just yet, but here i go anyway . under the cut you can find a bit about my two babies, gideon & leni ! x

GIDEON “ G ” CHALLENGER !

keith powers. — oh, have you met gideon challenger? he is a twenty-three year old cismale that is feeling skeptical about the planet’s imminent doom. an event coordinator, this sagittarius is known around town as the schemer, because he is magnetic & crafty, as well as duplicitous & brash. hopefully, g will survive. // v. 20. she/her & est.

gideon’s got a very ‘big man on campus’ vibe to him, y’know ? ? lots of confidence, loves to fool around, make jokes, tease, etc. he’s just a super charismatic and lively presence!! like, people love to be around him and he loves to make people have a good time.

also, he’s very much a big liaison for people in town. since he’s really good at making friends and making people happy, over time, he’s developed a big network ! basically, he has a lot of connections. which comes in handy for his job... well, actually, he got his job bECAUSE he has so many connections

he’s an event coordinator, so basically he organizes and puts togethers parties and events all around town ... mainly at clubs and lounges and bars and stuff. like, if you need something to do on a saturday night, g has got you. he’s the party guy basically. he works for a lot of different clubs around town, but he also does some work out of town in other cities because of his connections

he’s a smart guy, but he can get a bit in over his head sometimes in the sense that he can go a bit far and be too reckless or gamble his chances a bit too much. more specifically, he doesn’t always get involved with the best people.

like, he has a lot of connections, and because of these connections, he’s gotten himself involved in some sketchy shit as of late. i’m talking like the whole car stealing business, selling stolen parts, selling stolen cars, and all that. he’s become a bit obsessed with the rush and the money, and being so involved in the party scene, it was hard not to get sucked into the underground, dark stuff. 

so yeah ! he’s very much a night owl and loves to party, but he’s also a bit of a con man in the sense that he deceives people and is involved in some underground crime. he’s also been known to cheat a little ? like, he’s a very crafty and cunning guy so a lot of the time, he takes short cuts that may not always be the most legal or the safest option, in order to get what he wants, while planning an event or something. he’s a bit of a trickster, honestly. likes to bend the truth and make this whole beautiful spectacle of a party while there may be some sketchy shit going on underneath !

as for his family life, he’s a bit of a lone wolf, but he does have his parents and his sister . . a protective ass mama and a jokester of a dad. 

LINNEA “ LENI ” VERMETTE !

maggie lindemann. — oh, have you met linnea vermette? she is a twenty year old cisfemale that is feeling skeptical about the planet’s imminent doom. a performing arts student/aspiring actress, this virgo is known around town as the peitho, because she is starry-eyed & incandescent, as well as waspish & guileful. hopefully, leni will survive. // v. 20. she/her & est.

OKAY ! so right off the bat, i’ll just say that linnea HATES her name and usually always goes by leni, so unless ur special or for some reason want to get on her bad side, then don’t call her linnea ! she never liked it much growing up and leni always stuck better so its leni !

she’s loosely based off of manny santos from the old degrassi from back in the day when degrassi was the shit ? ? like, mainly in the sense that she was very much a girl people saw as small and cutesy when she was in elementary & middle school, but by high school, she hated that ! she wanted to be more than just the cute best friend so she transformed herself into a bit of a seductress. in high school, she became obsessed with the idea of being mature and hot and sexy, instead of cute and small, so she had a dramatic wardrobe and attitude change at the beginning of high school. and then suddenly, people saw her differently and she wasn’t that innocent, little doll people used to see. like, she started to act more confident and get people wrapped around her finger, and she adored that SO YEAH that’s her now !

she’s also similar to manny in the sense that they both wanted to be actresses, even though their parents didn’t agree with that dream and wanted them to pursue something else. which is very much the case with leni. she did well in school, and her parents wish she would follow a more practical path like becoming a doctor, but leni refuses to do so .. but more about her acting stuff a bit later

ANYWAY .. leni very much strives to please, like she can’t stand the idea of somebody not liking her, even though maybe sometimes she will act like she doesn’t care.... bUT SHE DOES ! she needs to be liked, praised, obsessed over, etc, etc. no matter how much she doesn’t outright admit it. so that’s why persuasion and seduction are really her thing because she loves the feeling of having control over someone’s attention .

but she’s definitely not a super promiscuous person or anything, like she loves love and relationships, and has had her fair share of love interests - but when i say attention, i mean attention of all kinds ! she can be a bit deceiving with her whole persuasion persona, like she loves to have people wrapped around her finger and she likes giving people want they want . . . but never TOO much, y’know. she likes to keep that suspense and ‘hard-to-get’ vibe about her. she likes to play around, but she’s not heartless.

leni is a big hopeless romantic in the happily ever after sense with love and all that, but ALSO in the dreamy sense. like, she has a lot of goals and dreams she wants to achieve and sometimes gets caught up in the delusions and naiveties of her thoughts .  she basically just has a lot of hopes and dreams, she’s very whimsical in that sense and not at all pessimistic. she’s very much an idealist and a fantasist, obsessed with her own fantasies and visions. which sometimes get her in trouble !

leni is a performing arts student, so she loves to act and sing and perform and all that. she has big dreams of making is huge and becoming a star as an actress SO here’s where her dreams have clouded her mind a bit.

straight out of high school, she decided to do some travelling to follow her dreams so she spent a bit of time in LA and new york, trying to get auditions and make connections and all that, but it was harder than she thought so she got to the point where she was very disappointed and desperate. she doesn’t come from a super rich family and her parents don’t really support her acting dreams, so she didn’t have much money either. 

her parents don’t like where shes going and don’t agree with it, but they’re not awful or anything . . they still try to help leni out. . . but just aren’t 100% sure about the whole acting thing yet

ANYWAY so long story short, through some parties and connections, she ended up getting close with some random producer in LA. she was eighteen at the time and had reached that point of desperation and disappointment in herself that she felt as though she would do anything to make it big. anyway, meeting this producer kind of lightened her path because she thought that this could be it yknow ? ? but turns out he didn’t have the most sincere intentions and wasn’t too concerned with her acting abilities. however, leni didn’t realize that at first and ended up sleeping with him just to get in his good books. she thought if she slept with him that he would open doors for her, but after their little fling, he pretty much dropped her so she became SUPER embarrassed and ashamed of herself after that. 

so she just returned home and decided to study performing arts first before jumping straight into that world !

PLOTS !

for leni, i’m pretty much down for anything. past girlfriends/boyfriends, flings, pals, enemies, ride or dies, some family connections, sisterly/brotherly friendships, what have you. but also maybe some connections with people who also are involved in acting/singer/show business or like to do that sort of thing ? or maybe someone who found out about her sleeping with the producer just to get ahead but it not working out so maybe they use it against her ..  or they don’t ? ? bc shes super embarrassed by it and wants to forget it completely ! maybe someone who knows her secret and is her confidant!! that’d be fun too!

for gideon, basically the same thing i mentioned with leni in terms of the basic plots that everyone wants/needs ! but also maybe some people who are also involved in some sketchy/underground stuff like he is, or even the same sketchy stuff  ..  people that work for him / with him ? maybe people who are skeptical of him or think he’s up to something and want to find out ? 

i don’t know .. . ANYTHING TBH !

[unholyree]

Never Have I Ever...

Dylan O’Brien smut

warnings:  nsfw !!, oral (female recieving), squirting, slight pain inflicted

request:  dylan o brien where they're best friends and somehow the reader tells him about how she's never ever had an orgasm, followed by MANY orgasms bc dylan's gotta help his friend out

Just like ever other Saturday night, you and Dylan held this small get-together that comprises quarter of the cast of Teen Wolf including Tyler P, Holland, and Shelley. Although you were not relatively part of the crew, being Dylan’s roommate made you part of the family. They have known you for a year which was as long as you were being Dylan’s roommate, but it was enough for them to acknowledge your character.

As everyone downed alcohols of their choice, Dylan was nowhere to be found. You figured he was either in his room longing for solitary or he was outdoors smoking; nevertheless, you wanted to find him sooner than join Tyler quaff cans of beer in the living room.

You proceeded into the kitchen grasping two red solo cups that was loaded with frigid beer, and advance outdoors. Luckily, you spotted Dylan who had his back leaned against the brick wall while also having a lit cigarette placed between his fingers. He arched his elbow, directing the cigarette on his pink plump lips savoring the fumes that coursed in his mouth. Then he softly puffed the smoke, scattering into thin air.

“Hey pretty boy.” You uttered disturbing the stillness of the surrounding while you stood a few feet away from Dylan. He looked alongside where you surfaced and threw a lopsided grin, his pupils dilated and bore a despondent expression, giving a mellow cough after puffing fumes of nicotine. “Hey Y/N.”

Once Dylan finished his cigarette he threw the rest on the concrete ground, numerously stepping on it with his sneakers. “I brought you a drink.” You stated, stretching your hand reaching him the red solo cup on one of your hands. “Thanks.” He, again, gave a sheepish grin and a nod taking the cup from your hand. Seeing there was an empty space beside Dylan, your feet escorted you beside him and leaned your back against the brick wall. “Why are you out alone, Dylan?” You asked while your eyes focused on your drink and his response was a shrug followed by, “Eh, I prefer to smoke here.”

A faint giggle escaped your lips, knowing Dylan, his excuse was completely unreasonable. “Dylan you’re literally --” Your sentence was ceased after feeling tender plump lips attach on yours. Dylan spun from his side and faced in front of you, his arm resting on the wall building enough support not to fall on you. Both your tongues made out in sync as you relished the flavor of tobacco and alcohol in his mouth.

This events do happen, occasionally, where both of you ascend into making out. Often just to break some kind of tension between, but it usually stops there. It never made its way to a whole new level, where there were more intimate and physical impacts, and both of you were perfectly fine with the idea of it.

Dylan’s hands found its way on the edge of your jeans and roaming around valuing your curves and humming vibrations into the kiss.Your back leaned further against the wall , your head submitting under Dylan while he still fought for dominance. “Mm,” His lips hummed, feeling his tongue inquire entrance with yours. You certainly ratified to it making him explore further in your mouth.

“Y/N! Dylan!” Both you and Dylan heard, instinctively breaking the kiss and shifting back to your previous setting. In the corner of your eye, you saw Shelley holding a cup with a befuddled expression. “Where have you two been?” She questioned, “The game is starting and we have been looking for you two!”

Both of you apologized as Shelley retreating inside the house. Dylan motioned for you to proceed after him, where you gladly did, and slung his muscular arm around your shoulder while you both accessed into the living room seeing the others sat and arranged in a circle, with a bottle of vodka pl. “C’mon! We’re playing never have I ever,” Holland voiced, “With a kinky twist!” Tyler appended.

Holland patted a vacant slot beside her, where you followed with Dylan who was still behind you. You were seated beside Dylan while he was seated beside Tyler, lastly followed by Shelley. “So the game is similar with the standard one but,” Holland explained, “You take a shot if you have done the thing that the specific person confessed, plus, the confession must be something wild or kinky.”

“Okay I’ll start.” Holland stated. “Never have I ever,” She paused for an instant pondering of a shrewd idea, “Had a one night stand.”  The statement made all of you reckon, nevertheless, taking a shot and letting the sting of alcohol run down your throat. Next was Shelley admitting, “I have never had a threesome.” And as expected, Tyler and Dylan parted a toast and guzzled the shots.

You, Holland, and Shelley eyed the two boys acknowledging they apparently had a threesome. “When?” Holland intrigued. “It was some night in Europe, Dylan and I were very drunk, okay?” Tyler expounded.

Then it was Tyler’s turn, “I have never sent a sext!” He pridefully stated on which Shelley solely took a shot making Holland, again, compelled. “Damn Shelley! Who knew you’d be that wild.” Making Shelley fluster and focus on the carpet below her. “It was one sext to my ex, no biggie.”  Next was Dylan who took his time trying to reckon any ideas, “Well,” He prolonged, “I have never been caught masturbating.” He stated although resounding more of a question rather than a statement. “Oh come on O’Brien, you can think of something better than that!” Tyler provoked, “I’m sure as hell no one here would take a shot, right guys?” However, Dylan wouldn’t budge as no words have withdrawn from his lips. 

Finally, it was your turn. “Is it depressing to say I have never,” You timidly said followed by, “had an orgasm.” followed by the sound of your voice sinking into embarrassment while your face blushed into a shade of red. Everyone startled over your statement. “But Y/N, you aren’t a virgin right?” Shelley inquired. “Yeah, I’m totally not a virgin anymore.” You guaranteed. “It’s just that, I never really got into the mood because it’s either my partner really sucked at giving pleasure or he had a really small penis.”

“Man that sucks! Orgasms are like the fucking best.” Tyler voiced.  And the game mostly revolved around numerous confessions until midnight struck. Tyler had the most shots while the rest had no more than four, particularly Holland who didn’t want to get anywhere near being wasted as she had to drive Shelley and Tyler back to their homes.

Holland and Shelley made their way into Holland’s car while an intoxicated Tyler followed them. “Hey wait up for me!” Tyler slurred, throwing up at the pavement then attempted to open the car door and get in the backseat. “Tyler you better not vomit in my car.” Holland threatened.

“Bye guys!” You waved, your shoulder leaned on the door frame, “Drive safely.” 

Once you shut the door behind, you looked at the shambles of articles scattered around your living room. You commenced the clean up, starting with the bottles and solo cups on the floor, throwing the rubbish in the bin. Then while you tried reaching for excess litter stuck in various places, a pair of arms sneaked around your waist, spinning you around. You were faced with Dylan. His eyes gesturing a sign of lust and his breathing, heavy and reeked of alcohol. “No one has really made you come before?” He questioned, his hands advancing under your shirt and unclasping your bra. “No one, Dyl.” You moaned out as one of his hands tried grasping on your taut nipple while the other was on your back, pulling you against his chest. “Well,” He snickered, pulling your shirt over your head and removing your bra that was once concealing your breasts and both tossing the fabric behind him. “Let me be the first one to show you how an orgasm feels.” He muttered, his hot breath sending cold shivers down your spine, and seconds before he collided his luscious nude lips onto yours. This time, both your mouths savored the taste of varieties of alcohol while your top was fully exposed to Dylan. “You have such fucking amazing breasts, Y/N.” He groaned examining your chest, delicately squeezing one of your boobs while you took delight of it. Again, Dylan inquired entrance with your mouth, which you gladly gave authorization on as his tongue became more aggressive within exploring your mouth. Both your tongues danced in perfect sync as your breathing became more heavy, droplets of sweat trickling down onto your neck. Dylan murmured, “Jump.” Between the make out, making you leap and wrap your legs around his waist. Within no time, he took you upstairs into his room and laid you down on his bed, him putting his shirt over his head and throwing it at the corner revealing his sexy, toned body. He pinned you down effortlessly, lowering his head into your ear whispering, “Scream as loud as you can for me, babygirl.”

He began unzipping your jeans, pulling them down leaving you in your sexy lace underwear. “Your so hot,” Dylan mumbled, gradually spreading your legs and taking an exceptional view in front of him whilst slowly slipping down the panties, dropping them onto the floor, this time offering Dylan a much finer view. “Fuck,” He swore, “I can’t wait to make this pretty little pussy come.”

Then he initiated by leaving soft kisses set inside your thighs and working his way onto your core, lowering his face onto it and blowing a strip of air making you flinch. Dylan licked a strip of your entrance and slowly inserted a finger in you, firstly taking a slow pace. It followed with him inserting another, making you moan out of delight whilst his pace quickened in pace, his tongue indulging into your clit while constantly licking it. Your hands went its way up to Dylan’s hair, as you felt his fingers slowly curl inside you, making you tug vaguely at the strands of Dylan’s hair. No doubt you knew he had found your g-spot effortlessly, unlike your past lovers who never knew how to please you, as his fingers skillfully worked its way in yo. He repeatedly done his actions whilst his mouth pleased your clit by drawing figure 8′s, captivating you with the pleasure you were receiving. 

“Fuck, Dyl.” You moaned loudly feeling Dylan pick up an aggressive pace making your back arch against his bed, your legs starting to quiver. “Faster,” You instructed where he gladly obeyed, “As you wish, babygirl.”

It reached the point where you felt your legs tremble, loud moans escaping your lips. Though you weren’t stable in your place, since your body kept quivering and quaking, Dylan held you down. You threw your head against the bed, whimpering, “I’m close.” And felt your stomach contract, your mind being incapable of thinking of anything else but coming.

Without anymore signals, you felt yourself tighten around Dylan’s fingers, and sense that you came at Dylan. So that’s an orgasm, your breathing was improper while adrenaline rushed through your veins. “Fuck you’re a squirter, Y/N.” Dylan stated, plastering a devilish grin on his face after seeing you finally had your first orgasm. “God, Y/N, that was so hot.” “Are you up for round two?” Dylan asked while you gave a nod still trying to recover from your first release. “You’ll definitely enjoy this.” He stated, unbuttoning his pants and pushing it down along with his boxers and brief, revealing his dick that sprung out. Then he opened his drawer, fumbling for an object that later on revealed as a condom.  Dylan straightaway ripped the wrapper with his teeth and rolled the lubricated rubber on his dick. He lowered himself onto your entrance, spreading your legs extensively. Steadily, he made his way inside you, both moaning in unison while Dylan commenced into thrusting. You cried out a, “Fuck, you’re so big, Dyl.” As you altered to his size. “Y/N, you’re so fucking tight.” Dylan groaned, thrusting into you faster making you and the bed sway. With both his hands on your waist trying to keep you steady and put, he lowered his face onto your perky breasts and latching his mouth on one of them. “Mm, so fucking good.” Dylan hummed, feeling him lick on your nipple. His mouth left your breast and began leaving trails of kisses from the valley of your breasts up to your collar bones and finally to your neck. He found a sweet sensitive spot where moaned as he gently brushed past it, he began sucking and nibbling on to the area leaving a sight of a hickey. “You’re mine now huh.” Dylan breathed out. Your hands crept up its way on Dylan’s toned back as your nails dug on it. His first response on it was flinching on the pain inflicted, but then grew immune to him. You dug your nails, left scratches on his back yet Dylan didn’t bother.

“Fuck! Dylan, I’m about to come!” You cried aloud, this time enduring your walls tighten much more around his cock ,your legs trembling down and your body and mind being unable to function. “Come for me, baby.” Dylan moaned throwing his head back out of the satisfaction he felt inside you, while you released, again, this time at his cock though.

You felt Dylan release too, filling up the condom that was wrapped around his dick. He tied the rubber and wrapped in a few pieces of Kleenex tissues that were on his table side, throwing it in the bin. “Okay,” Dylan breathed out, “Best sex I had in a while.” While he positioned his way under the covers, with you alongside him. The room echoed out a heavy and passionate atmosphere, as both Dylan and you tried to regain your breathing. You could hear both heartbeats reverberate around the room along with the catching up of breath. It also did reek of sex as it felt really humid around you two while drowning in pools of sweat.

“Mind doing this again?” You asked, looking beside at Dylan who wrapped his muscular arms around you and nuzzled his head behind your back. “Not at all.”

[antthonystark]

can you say something positive about this show bc i truly feel horrible and all i see are negative comments

sure thing fam! I’ve got a million and one great things to say about shadowhunters! 

the cast

let’s start with the cast…..oh man the cast, have you ever seen or heard of a lovelier group of people? a sweet and perfect redheaded angel? a cow-loving  farmer sunflower man? a sexy british rapscallion? a latina goddess who is the sweetest angel in the world? a hilarious but also very profound and extremely talent soft brooklyn hipster? the most talented dancer/human to ever grace the world who is also a complete wondeful dork? the sweetest and funniest and most wonderful person who ever did wear an ascot? they’re perfect 

nothing makes me happier than their friendships with each other and just their general sweetness :))))

i mean every dynamic of theirs is adorable and hilarious? kat and alberto’s friendship, domberto’s antics, the parabatri feels, dom’s lil crush on matthew, the esther/shelby/shumdario friendship! em being an older sister to kat!! how lovely are they all!!

and of course, of course, how earnest they are towards the show because they know how important it is to all of us, and it’s heartwarming to see all the effort that they put into the show, as well as the amount of respect and compassion they have while interacting with fans is the most wonderful thing 

and of course, the fact that the people behind the show always listen to and respond to fan feedback, positive or negative! they really care about us, and it’s lovely to see :) 

the show 

personally, i think the writing of the show has gotten amazing! season 1 was fantastic, but all of the sort of cringey dialogue and ‘wow, nobody would actually say those words’ is gone and everything is much more textured and real, and it’s really really really living up to the potential of its premise! 

it’s got a gritty NYC setting and its about badass angelic soldiers fighting a demon apocalypse, all while battling these insidious problems inside their own society as well, with no real moral high ground to be achieved, but really just a scramble for survival and trying to do the right thing,  and the tone of the new season is JUST PERFECT for that 

 i think the show has such amazing and dimensionalized relationships like i haven’t seen in a lot of much more highbrow fiction - the romantic stuff too, but i love how important and well-written platonic and family relationships are in the show! 

you look at a family like the lightwoods, and they’re so real - not just the love that they have for each other, but also the issues that they face, and the struggles between parents and children and siblings. amazing. well-written AS FUCK 

the bonds between alec and izzy and jace!! are so well-written, so well-acted!! the relationships between luke and clary/simon/maia!! astonishingly good

there’s so much texture and richness to all of them it’s crazy 

but not JUST those super close familial relationships - every single interaction has me floored with how great it is, including ‘rare’ ones like jace and magnus, or clary and alec, or clary and magnus, or magnus and izzy

every character has such great acting chemistry with one another, and so every relationship just comes across as rich and real in a way that a lot of lesser shows can’t accomplish 

let’s talk about acting! how amazingly has every cast member improved over the course of the show? even if they didn’t start off the first season as amazing, can you believe how great everyone is? how beautifully kat captured the grief of losing jocelyn in 2x05? how amazingly dom is portraying jace’s inner struggles and suffering about valentine and his identity? how much dimension and depth harry can give us in just one glance? how matt perfectly portrays the inner conflicts of a man who was never allowed to show his true feelings on his face? how beautifully alberto shows the struggle of not belonging anywhere that you used to call home? with what grace emeraude brings us izzy’s trials and suffering? how perfectly isaiah depicted not only the grief over losing everything - his world, his parabatai, the woman he loves, but also the struggles of having to get up from the pain and be there for his children? amazing. hats off to all and emmys all around 

every character also has so much - so much - dimension?

like, not a single one of the characters is the type of YA-fantasy caricature than you see so much in this genre - each of them is fully fleshed out with flaws and strengths, and each character interacts and copes with the horrible events of their lives in completely different ways, and it’s just lovely to see that kind of commitment to character even on a fantasy/action-driven show, and that not all of it has to be directly addressed and shoved in your face, but can be communicated through subtleties of acting and writing 

and each of them has their own critical/crucial role to play in the story? none of them are incidental or disposable and i love it! 

the special effects in season two are SO! damn!! good!! holy hell did you see the warlock fight this episode? beautiful! astonishing! 

i love the mythology of the show! it’s so crazy interesting to explore this world, because it’s not the type of world you see in a typical YA-low-fantasy type of setting - the shadowhunters’ society is such a new and refreshing mythology, with all of their customs and their ceremonies and their laws and myths and angels and runes - i love seeing them unveil more and more of it, because it’s honestly so original and interesting 

like did you see the rune ceremony in this ep? it was almost haunting b/c i just love thinking about this ancient order of angelic warriors and of course all of the complications of the societal hierarchies in relation to the other types of magical races

and don’t get me started on the other types of mythologies, especially warlocks! i love the idea of all these esoteric spells and potions and crap that shadowhunters don’t even know about and can’t even imagine the power of - it’s so interesting and i love how they’re fleshing it all out bit by bit 

and i love the merging of the regular urban NYC setting with the shadow word, in locales like the jade wolf, the hotel dumort, and even the insitute - how interesting and seamless it seems sometimes? it just gives the world so much texture

and of course, the romance is great! like i said, every actor has fantastic chemistry with each other - even if they’re not endgames like simon/maia or climon, they’re so well-acted and well portrayed 

malec is fantastic - i’ve almost never seen a relationship on a show portrayed with such gravitas and realness! i love how they didn’t let either character get subsumed by the relationship, but they’re also not ignoring the existence of it to give the character their own storylines independent of it 

and of course it’s so darn cute :) and harry and matthew put so much time and effort into it and im so thankful for them 

[blissful-reveries]

MY EXPERIENCE AT EXO’RODIUM!!!

I CANT BELIEVE I GOT TO SEE MY KINGS AGAIN TT IM SO EMOTIONAL EVEN THOUGH ITS BEEN 2 DAYS SINCE THE CONCERT - EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT IT I JUST GET ALL GIDDY AND EXCITED AGAIN :D Here is my post on my experience at exo’rdium last night (fyi I wrote this on the night when i came back at like 2am LOL) its HECKA long post.... without further ado, here is MY EXPERIENCE AT EXORDIUM ^^

EXO’RDIUM 02.11.17

TODAY WAS FKING EXO’RDIUM HK AHHHHHHHHHHHH IM SO SHOOK HOLY I CAN NOT EVEN. WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN OMFG I- I can barely wrap my head around the fact that (YET AGAIN) EXO was in the same building as me, less than 10m away, LIVING, BREATHING IN THE FLESH EXO. LIKE THEY’RE REAL. NOT JUST PIXELS ON MY LAPTOP SCREEN- I JUST CANT. I STILL CANT. okok so to start, for this EXO concert, I wasn’t able to get standing tickets like I did for EXO’LUXION (when i was lucky enough to have FRONT ROW JEAAAASUUSS), but I was HUGELY and pleasantly surprised that our seats (Block 5, Row 6) WAS ACTUALLY SO CLOSE TO THE STAGE. LIKE I COULD SEE THE ENTIRE STAGE + EXTENDED STAGE, AND IF I USED MY CAMERA TO FILM, I COULD SEE THEIR FACES. So that was a huge plus as soon as we got into the arena. When the concert started, a VCR was shown - about how EXO was the saviours of the world (when are they not tho tbvh HAHA) from danger and etc. the screaming was seriously unreal - like when every member came up on the VCR… #impressed. Then, they started the concert with MAMA and can we just- MAJOR THROWBACK TO FETUS EXO DAYS??? LIKE THIS SONG TRIGGERS SO MANY MEMORIES IM NOT EVEN OKAY RN. also can we just - can SM please release the remix version of MAMA CUZ I WOULD GET IT IN A HEARTBEAT <3 Then without giving our poor hearts a second to rest, they jumped right into mONSTER!!!! IM WAS NOT READY FOR IT AND THEY JUST THREW IT AT ME WHAT. It was amazing as expected, the choreo and everything omfg.. it was LEGIT like copy and paste… AND CAN WE TAKE A MOMENTbc JONGDAE FREAKING BLEW THAT HIGH NOTE AWAY. wait where was that high note? BLEW AWAY BY JONGDAE’S GORGEOUS VOCALS THATS WHERE.

THEN yet another throwback, they performed wolf :’) it been so long since they performed it and omg It was beautiful. The tree added with projections, and it was a remix version which meant DANCE BREAK!!!!! Seriously it was SO SO GOOD like they added projections so that it seemed like they were entering and exiting the tree behind (LOOK IDK IF THAT MAKES SENSE BUT THATS WHAT HAPPENED OK). and it was just so perfect… perfect way to bring back the song.

THEN they finally took a break and did their first ment. can i just pause for a sec and mention how much i freaking love their black blouses? like the ones with the cuts. THEY’RE GORGEOUS AND THEY WEAR THEM SO WELL TT… Kyungsoo, suho and baek all mentioned that they’re going to comeback soon so to give them lots and lots of support (YES BC EXOLS PULL THRU). Sehun and his mandarin came through as expected HAHA and it was so cute - cuz he kept saying things like “are you enjoying yourselves?” “Did you miss us?” my hubby you go! Yixing greeted us in cantonese and it was so cute XD his voice when he speaks canto is the cUTEST THING EVER. i wanna wrap him up and bring him back home.. he started talking in canto about wanting us to support his film, but then paused  to think - then after like 5 seconds, gave up and spoke in mandarin instead AHAHA XINGXING YOU CUTIE OMG. SPEAKING OF YIXING THO — Originally I didn’t know if he was going to attend this concert or not, because he’s been away for filming at guangzhou for the past couple of weeks, there’s hardly been any news of him so i wasn’t sure… BUT I WAS SO FLIPPIN HAPPY WHEN I SAW HIM COME OUT. FIRST THOUGHTS: DAMN SON YOU SLAY EVERYTHING. SECOND THOUGHT: his hair was really long HAHAHAH XD STILL SLAYING THE HANDSOME GAME THO. Suho kept mentioning that coming to HK always leaves good memories for him, and mentioned the EXO daesang win during MAMA AND THE CROWD WENT WILD ;D You know how much we support y’all.

Afterwards, they performed WHITE NOISE AND I WAS SO SURPRISED BC I HAD NO IDEA THEY WERE GONNA DO THIS SONG — i made myself not watch any prior concert vids bc i wanted this to be complete surprise and HECK YEAH I WAS SURPRISED. It was a new dance and everything it was so fresh :’))) there were some body rolls here and there, and overall it was a lot more toned down than artificial love oH GOD ARTIFICIAL LOVE JUST WAIT HOLY. Middle of white noise they went to the centre hexagon and danced, but then out of nowhere WATER START POURING FROM THE TOP DOWN LIKE WHATTTTT THEN THEY STARTED DANCING IN THE POURING WATER LIKE ALL WET AND EVERYTHING X_X i was so so so happy bc sehun was always on my side of the stage so i was able to see and film him well <3 his dancing is en pointe as usual heh #proudwifey

THEN JESUS SAVE ME THEY PERFORMED THUNDER <3 <3 <3 AND SEHUN OWNED THAT STAGE LIKE IT WAS NOBODY’S BUSINESS He was on the center extended part, and damn like the stage should have been called FIRE, CUZ IT WAS LIT. Yixing and Jongin as always slayed the game too and the VOCALS FOR THIS WAS SO GREAT OMG LIKE IT WAS LIKE PERFECT :’)) also. jongin was being a huge TEASE bc he kept smirking and smiling while dancing :((( HAHA but it was lovely and made my heart thump <3

then they did playboy. rmb when playboy used to be the most sexual dance in their concert? YEAH NO JUST WATCH ARTIFICIAL LOVE HOLY i need to cleanse my eyes…. ANYWAY BEFORE THAT— this time playboy was done a bit differently, sekai wasn’t paired tgt, as pcy and osh were tgt, and kai had his own rising stage fanncaayy B) OH AND SIDE NOTE: I LOVE their laced up pants too..its very pretty and... its very tight LMAO gives me pirate vibes lol. i loved it bc the boys were all just having a TON of fun - like they came in yesterday night, and performed today thats just amazing if i compare that to the amount of energy they had today. THEY WERE LIKE HIGH OR SMTH SO CRAZY XD AND HYPER <3 but it was like a giant party so WOO!! Suho and chen went out to the farthest extended stage which meant I could see their features and OMG PRINCE SUHO ATTACKS AGAIN BC HE NEVER FAILS TO FAZE ME AT HOW BEAUTIFUL HE IS IRL. He’s like a LEGIT god descending from heaven…. <3 Chanyeol went to the hexagonal extended stage and did a solo dance there - it was beautiful :’) and YIXING was in the center extended just having a blast body rolling, pelvis thrusting JEEEEZ i need holy water.

JESUS NO ITS HERE. I CANT. IT WAS ARTIFICIAL LOVE NOW. omg i can’t even bare to talk about it I WAS SO….AHHHHH I CANT EXPLAIN OMG. i felt strange LMAO ok so right after playboy WHICH WAS ALREADY MILDY SEXY, they grabbed the canes from the side of the stage and as soon as the music came up i was like UH OH HERE IT COMES… and KAI WAS ON THE HEXAGONAL STAGE (yes im referring to him as kAI BECAUSE BABY NINI WOULD NEVER DO THAT)- AND OH JESUS IT WAS SUCH A SHOCKING MOMENT WHEN HE… UM.. GRINDED ON THE CANE?? GOSH EVEN TYPING IT MAKES ME FEEL DIRTY LMFAO I couldn’t even bring myself to film it bc i jUST CANT???? then, when switched positions, baekhyun was now where kai was, and another chorus came along which meant another grinding session (pls save me). When I watched baekhyun’s one i was ready to keep my eyes closed bc puppy baek grinding? it would destroy my image of him forever… BUT!! he was actually very reserved HAHAH XD i think it was just yixing, and kai who like 150% WENT FOR IT. ground like there was no tomorrow LMAO. so yeah long song short, KAI’S SEX APPEAL BROKE THE ROOF, and baekhyun was still a cutie BAHAHA XDD and then it was KAIXING duet dance break during artificial love with the BLINDFOLDS OMG SO SEXY HOLYY my poor heart :((

OMG AND UNFAIR!!!! I love the stage for unfair its so cute and unique, squishy kyungsoo popped out of a tv and a chair (oh i wish that were reality), just the entire performance aspect of it was top notch and so cute. After unfair, it was a short ment where exo all sat on the steps of the stage, and yixing and pcy sat on both ends holding guitars. WHICH MEANT ACOUSTIC MEDLEY TIME!!!! Yixing gave a short introduction about the medley (it was so nice to hear his voice after such a long time not hearing it) and then demo-ed the guitar by playing a little impromptu melody — reminds me of just how much of a genius zhang yixing is *heart eyes*. Chanyeol also did a quick demo and same thing goes for him.. how do they self learn things so well :((the first song that they sang in the acoustic medley was My Lady and I FLIPPED OUT BC IT WAS KYUNGSOO AND IT WAS R&B MY TWO FAV COMBOS <3 It was so nice to just sit and listen to their live vocals - and this really goes to show how much talent there is in exo. whoever disagrees should sit in one concert and just LISTEN TO THEIR FLAWLESS VOCALS. like seriously, there was no out of pitch moments (- wAIT AHHA THIS REMINDS ME OF SOMETHING FUNNY PCY DID). OKOK SO BASICALLY near the end of the medley, (I CANT RMB WHICH ACOUSTIC IT WAS RN BUT-) it was supposed to be baekhyun’s line but kyungsoo held his mic towards Chanyeol’s mouth (he was preoccupied with guitar playing) to prompt him to sing. PCY did sing baek’s line, but his voice cracked BAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH XD AND THE FUNNIEST THING WAS: HE MADE THIS REALLY CUTE SHOCKED FACE WHEN IT HAPPENED AND TOUCHED HIS THROAT THEN SHOOK HIS HEAD. NAWWWWWWW <3 adorbs… in the acoustic, they covered so many songs - CMB (WHICH JONGIN SANG BEAUTIFULLY OMG), My turn to cry, lady luck… just some i could rmb off the top of my head rn at 2:17 am HAHA.. then at the very end, yixing sang an acoustic version of Monodrama - and the lyrics were on the screen so the entire crowd sang along-it was beautiful <3 <3 <3 - at the end, yixing looked really sheepish, and grabbed the mic saying, “i’m so sorry, i sang the demo version’s lyrics so I didn’t sing the right words heh” and then pcy BEING THE MEDIATOR HE IS, was like “eyyyyy they probably didn’t even hear the difference- did you guys hear the difference???” and obvs we screamed NO!!!! and then that made xingxing look even more sheepish SO SO CUTE X) the entire thing just sounded and felt like a warm campfire get together with exo ls and exo <3 it was heartwarming and beautiful and I’m so glad that they added this segment.

and then they did lady luck again- this time not acoustic, but the dance and song version and kyungsoo. just. his voice. like. it melted the entire arena down. his projections were all so stable it sounded like the studio recorded version :’))) they danced on rising stages and everything was just so aesthetically perfect.. If i’m being completely honest, this time around, I was putting my focus deliberately more on sehun because i remember last year during exoluxion when i was front row, i could only really focus on whoever was in front of my area of the stage, which meant i missed a lot of sehun when he performed :( so i made the decision to FEED MY EYES AND HEART fully of sehun this time as last time, i was kyungsoo came to the front a lot and i kyungsoo’s vocals and dance fed me fully hehe (ohhh good times :’)) so yeah i wanted to say that kyungsoo’s vocals blew me away here because his LIVES ARE ACTUALLY PERFECT???how. haha bc his voice is made of honey chocolate <3

they performed TENDER LOVE next and I got shook all together again because THEY ALL INTERACTED WITH THE FANS THROUGH THE LIGHTSTICK :’D THEY each grabbed a lightstick and as soon as the song started baekhyun yelled “PUT YOUR HANDS UP!” :D yixing walked to the center extended stage and the next thing i knew, the STAGE WAS RISING UP LIKE A RAMP AND MY QUOTED WORDS AT THAT TIME CAUGHT ON VIDEO WAS “WOAH LOOK AT THAT STAGE” i was so surprised IT LOOKED LIKE A COMPLETE FUN HOUSE :DD All the members were just having a ton of silly fun during the song by just jumping :D during the chorus they would direct the crowd into little movements sequences we could do with the lightsticks and it was so nice bc it was like a little dance party - and they all looked so proud haha like we were all together - WE ARE ONE!! hehe Sehun came up to the farthest extended stage and danced on the stage closer to my side which was AMAZING <3 which meant that he was directing my block in the light stick moves ^^ i just thought it was super nice that they were able to interact with all of us in that way, include us all in that way it was very heartwarming <3

then LMR came up!! a lot earlier than last year’s one actually. fun and quirky as usual, BAEK’S VOCALS YES. they all danced so energetically and so hyped up, it was so so so AMAZING TO SEE THAT <3 esp sehun bc he’s usually the type that dances to the extent that is enough to show that he’s doing the moves, but this time he added so many more little side moves of his that spiced things up a lot hehe..

During One and Only, i think someone that stood out the most for me was def jongin. his vocals during the song was just something straight from all things good in the world. it was so good :’))) I’m so impressed by how much he has improved his vocal abilities over the years and is truly developing his own distinctive voice <3 OH AND the official HK exo fan club organized an event where during performance of One and Only, representatives in the crowd would hold up letters that spelt “EXO You Are My One and Only”.

omg and possibly my favorite part of the concert….. kai x sehun x lay WATER DANCE WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I am not at all exagerating when i say that every millisecond of what i saw looked like something out of a painting. IT WAS GORGEOUS AND BEAUTIFUL (how many times have i said beautiful omg). they were all so in sync, and everyone gave it their all and it shows <3 THEN CAME THE MOMENT THE WATER STARTED FILLING THE GROND AND WHERE ALL 3 OF THEM JUST DROPPED TO THE GROUND (how do they not break their knees is my question) IT WAS SO SO *fight the urge to say beauti—* BEAUTIFUL <3 I’m sorry there are no other words to describe how amazingly godlike the entire performance was.. then when the water started pouring from the top OH DAMN THAT WAS THE CLIMAX. so they danced in the water with water pouring all over their heads and bodies and THE EFFECT LOOKED SO ETHEREAL like aM I EVEN ALIVE? HAVE I GONE TO HEAVEN? BC THIS IS WHAT I THINK HEAVEN WILL LOOK LIKE TBH. 3 DANCING WATER ANGELS <3 ahHAHA so yeah and when it ended, they 3 were kneeling in the water, and jongin had to be all extra and stuff and run his hand through his hair, gazing dangerously sexily into the audience.. yep THERE GOES MY OVARIES BOOM. THANK YOU OSH, KAI AND YIXING.

AND THEN IT WAS VOCAL LINE TIME TO SHINE!!! Stronger was performed, and it was all i could ask for to have all four of them, kyungsoo, baek, chen, and suho sing this song… esp during stressful times THANK YOU <3 also the vocals were just off the charts at 200% today like they even said themselves that they’re feeling great today WHICH MAKES ME SO DAMN HAPPY :’’)))) oMG THEN THEY PLAYED THE REALLY CUTE VCR OF EXO AS NOMES (??) HAHA dancing and stuff, then they came out of the back wearing the cute af pointy hats and elf shoes XDDD CUTENESS OVERLOAD!! they sang HEAVEN as they came out and it was SO CUTE and also the way that kyungsoo wears his pointy hat, OVER HIS FOREHEAD AND TOUCHING HIS EYES IS SO DAMN SQUISHY OF HIM AHHH :3 he’s so adorable CAN I TAKE HIM HOME PLS along with the rest of exo!!!!! Then they took off their costumes to sing Girl x Friend and it was honestly so great.. xingxing was dancing and pointing out to the audience to guide them in singing the song, sehun came out again to the middle to just enjoy the stage, and kyungsoo was sining happily waving a nightstick around ^^ WAIT OMG ALMOST FORGOT — SEHUN WAS WEARING SPECS DURING THIS AHAHAH HE LOOKED SO DAMN HOT I CANNOT EVEN. SEHUN IN SPECS MAKES ME REEVALUATE MY LIFE. <3 hot hubby hehe

Then 3.5.6 WAS LITTTTTTT haha everyone was dancing and as EXPECTED!!! they did the weird “ooh ooh” sounds in between the 3.6.5 chorus lines xDD HAH now it sounds weird to listen to the studio version one cuz it doesn’t have those sounds LMAO. THEN EXO BECAME A BUNCH OF MEANIES BC THEY FINISHED THE SONG AND as soon as the lights turned up, they were like, “okay, bye! Thank you for coming!” “See you tomorrow” (BISH LIKE WE HAVE MONEY TO SEE U 2 CONSECUTIVE DAYS IN A ROW ALTHOUGH ID VERY MUCH LOVE TO), and the entire crowd AWW’ed and whined like NO! you can’t leave us like this :((( they were so mean…

BUT THEN THEY CAME OUT WEARING THOSE COPPERY COLORED JACKETS and performed TRANSFORMER like in MAMA but EVEN BETTER <3 <3 <3 I really love the part where they all come together and do the roboty like thing. i think i have a new found love for transformer OOPS x) it was so cool like the choreo too!! it was so sharp and just overall. ANNND THEN THEY DID LIGHTSABER~~~ everything was lit. DANCE WAS LIT, SONG WAS LIT, RAP WAS LIT, ALLLSO there was a special dance part near the end where everyone got ‘lightsabers’ and STARTED SWINGING THE CRAP OUT OF IT HAHAHA. and as to no surprise. MORE WATER!! haha water started pouring again (honestly I’ve lost count HAHA) they’re so obsessed with water… or they just want the wet clothes to stICK TO THEIR ABS? x_X

then they took a break and did another ment - which was good cuz i needed that break HAHAHA xD sehun, pcy, yixing and minseok went backstage first to change out of their wet clothes, while baek, suho, kai, chen, kyungsoo, stayed behind to talk. They talked about how nice it was that Jongin was muscular bc he was good at exercising which made nini really embarrassed HAHA.. then joonmyeon turned to kyungsoo and was like, “what about you?” and squishy soo didn’t say anything and just bowed. NAW ITS OK PENGUIN SOO I LIKE IT BETTER WHEN YOU DONT HAVE RIPPED MUSCLES :D Then, Baekhyun said in the ment that, “During One and Only you guys held some letters up, but I couldn’t really see them as I was dancing, what did it say again? Could you raise it again so I could read?” so the representatives in the crowd did, and Baekhyun, Chanyeol read it out. THEN HAHA WHATS FUNNY IS baekhyun then said, “oh! i see now. But you know it’s not because we don’t know how to read english, we do- its because you guys held one letter upside down so we couldn’t read” UHMM SAVAGE BAEK ???!?!!? HAHAHA BUT IT WAS SUPER FUNNY XD. Then joonmyeon pitched in and said he thought that the M and Y were going to spell MYEON, which made him suspect that “oh? maybe they’re preparing something for my birthday……?” HAHAH NEXT TIME JOONMYEON NEXT TIME WE PROMISE <3 such a cutie.

AHAH ANOTHER FUNNY PART!! Baekhyun wanted us all to be quiet for a bit bc he wanted to say something but the crowd didn’t stay quiet for long, so he kept shushing us, like “sh! sh! SHHH!” and then he started saying SH in a really fast and abrupt way, IT SOUNDED LIKE HE SWORE AND SAID SH*T XD AND EVERYONE STARTED LAUGHING HAHAHAHAH don’t think he noticed but oh well baaha cute. baek went on to say how hard they’ve been preparing for their new album, so requested for us to show it lots of love when it comes out (OF COURSE!!! ITS A GIVEN1!!)

AHH ok so those 5 went backstage to change and now pcy, sehun, yixing, minseok came out to ment. During the ment, minseok said that he felt sorry because he messed up during the lightsaber perf. He said that it wasn’t because he forgot the moves, but because the water was pouring into his shirt, and it was so cold that he momentarily forgot what he was supposed to do (poor baby… please don’t get sick any of you :\\). Then PCY started going “沒關係” which is “no problem” in cantonese and got the entire crowd to repeat over and over until minseok told us to stop HAHA :3 then sehun decided to ment next, and he told a “funny” story - which really wasnt funny at all HAHA srsly no one understood what he was trying to say HAHAH or the purpose of the story he was telling - anyway at the end when he realized that no one understood what he was saying, he said, “i’m just trying to lighten up the mood from the sorry atmosphere minseok hyung set up just now..” then PCY again did the “no problem” chant and got the entire crowd in on it again x). Then to compensate, sehun asked us to all give a collective fake laugh AHHA AT HIS FAILED JOKE XD i can’t this boy is everything. then yixing went around giving a cantonese lesson for the other 3 boys, teaching them how to say thank you, hello, my name is___ except the fact that he forgot how to say the members names in canto xD

After the ment, yixing went back and pcy x sehun x minseok did a rap song that i believe is only exclusive to the concerts? its called “같이해” which means “do it together”. THIS. SONG. WAS. FREAKING. LIT. SEHUN FREAKING OWNED THAT STAGE LIKE IT WAS HIS AND NO ONE ELSES B) HE WAS IN CENTER STAGE MOST THE TIME, AND WENT ON THE RISING RAMP WHICH WAS SUUUUPER COOL. He was so full of charisma on stage i couldn’t take my eyes off him for even a second. he demanded attention in everything he did HAHAH THATS MY BOO then this lit rap transitioned into DROP THAT when all members joined them on stage, and IT WAS AS LIT AS IT WAS LAST YEAR WOO so so nice. “we say e-x, you say o! , e-x-“ “O!” so nice *sparkling eyes* OMG ALSO CHANYEOL DID AN ELECTRIC GUITAR COVER OF GROWL AND IT WAS FREAKING COOL AF

ooooohhhh then next they did the cool little Let Out the Beast remix starting with the lightstick part. It was a bit of a shame that they did not organize this concert to have the bluetooth setting so it lost a wow factor there, but STILL THE REMIX SONG WAS GREAT AND THEY DID A DANCE REMIX IT WAS SO EFFING COOL AND OLD SCHOOL I LOVE IT SO MUCH <3

Following that, they performed Lucky, where everyone LEGIT WENT CRAZY HYPER HAHA THEY DID RANDOM DANCES AND EVERYTHING speaking of random dances, CHANYEOL DABBED LIKE AT LEAST 10 TIMES HERE JEEEAASUS and did juju on the beat hAHAHA I WAS SHOOK lmao THEN they did RUN and yixing was near the part where i was at so I had a very clear view of him going CRAZYYY like actually CRAZY!! he was doing all sorts of random running moves, and just having a ton of fun :’)) this was so impactful on me because i rmb last year, they flew in to hk really early and at the same day they had to perform so lay was really really tired that day. but to see him so hyper and energetic was so refreshing and it made me really hyped up too :’) little xing bunny jumping for joy haha

GROWL MY FAV SONG came out and everything was SO PERFECT haha this time the members freely walked around first and interacted with fans. then park chanyeol. okay so um. this boy has a problem with chronic DABBING AND JUJU-ING. he DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO STOP LITERALLY DOES NOT STOP. HE DABBED LIKE AVERAGE EVERY 5 SECONDS NOT EXAGGERATING. And then baekhyun learned from him and started to dab and juju uncontrollably too ._. not you too baek AHAH but in all honesty it was so funny to watch XD pcy did so many dabs that sehun had to almost flying kick him to get him back to his regular mind haha. THEY WERE CRAZILY HYPER today and i LOVE IT SO MUCH  <3 AHAH AND THEN YIXING WAS SO CUTE CUZ during the beginning of growl when everyone walked everywhere, he walked to the furthest extended stage, but during the bridge he was supposed to get back to the middle to do the dance part. He only remembered when the music turned and had to RUN FOR HIS LIFE back to the centre aND IT WAS SO CUTE CUZ I SAW THE LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN HE REMEMBERED XD PRICELESS.

Lucky One was next, and similarly it was free-dance and walk around which was nice and chill for them ^^ but jongdae did not give up on the dance and still did it throughout ahah #dedication. near the end, suho was the only one dancing and pcy and sehun were both doing weird af gestures behind him LOL .. and then it was time for the last ment D: I’m sad just thinking about it again….

So at the start of the ment, when pcy was talking, jongin bent over and looked really tired, which is expected since he danced with so much energy during the entirety of the concert - but he suddenly ran off stage, and no one knew what was going on- i started to get really nervous because i didn’t know what happened, if he was sick or hurting and i felt really sad :( my heart hurt. But then when it got around to about fixing’s turn to ment, jongin finally came back and all the members were like, “kai-sshi where did you disappear off to just now?” and HAHA HE SAID, “i had to go to the bathroom really urgently i was very very urgent” HAHAHAHA XD NOT WHAT ANYONE OF US WERE EXPECTING LMAO IM DECEASED XDD Then the members teased him and were like, “Kai-sshi is your stomach not feeling well (aka do u have a stomach ache/diarrhoea)?” and he immediately denied it and said, “nO! I just went to the toilet to pee hahah i was so urgent.” Then he said, “You know, after coming back from the toilet, my mood is so much more relieved” BAHAHHAHAHA “RELIEVED?!?!” IM DEAD AGAIN.. then PCY started saying, “so did you go to the toilet to … number 2?” HAHAH and jongin said, “NO! I WENT TO DO A NUMBER 1” IT WAS SO FUNNY MY ABS HURT AHAHAHA THEY WERE ARGUING ABOUT THE TOILET ON STAGE I CANT WITH THESE BOYS.. XD

Channel kept dabbing and juju-ing still, which triggered baekhyun to do the same, AND I KID YOU NOT, they DID NOT STOP DOING THAT UNTIL THE ENTIRE MENT WAS OVER FOR EVERYONE XD THESE TWO PUPS.. baekhyun’s ment consisted of him teaching us how to dab LMAO he was like “i’ll teach you the easy one (the dab), bc the other one (the juju) is more complex” LOL THANKS TEACHER BAEK. so yeah long story short, he got the entire arena to dab. yup. EVERYONE. us all dabbing only exacerbated chanyeol’s chronic dabbing syndrome and he continued to do it, with baekhyun responding to him every single time. #CHANBAEK OTP FTW. throughout all the dabbing sehun was just judging and like “ai these hinges…” but then eventually he caved and also did dabs AHHAHA, yixing,  chen were laughing so hard. the thing is, suho is trying to give his ment properly, and there you have chanyeol on one end, baekhyun on the other DABBING TOWARDS EACH OTHER OK LIKE THESE BOYS ARE NOT OK. WHAT DID THEY EAT BEFORE COMING OUT HERE?? Eventually suho gave up AHAH and dabbed too (…….) WHAT IS WITH ALL THIS DABBING….?!!??! also . baekhyun couldn’t help it and decided to teach us the juju too so. LMAO. AND THEN BAEK SAID, “the dab move i taught you! when we sing Angel for the last song, I want you to dab throughout the song!” THIS IS HOW OBSESSED THEY ARE OK. IM BEING HONEST, PCY AND BAEK added tgt for the entire concert prob dabbed and juju-ed like 50 times each . NOT. AN EXAGGERATION. Haha so yeah, fun times..

During Angel, fans threw stuff toys and animal hats on stage, and exo went around playing with them. Baekhyun found a pikachiu hat and chanyeol found a stuffed pokeball = chanyeol smashing the pokeball at poor baekhyun who ended up rolling on the stage xD. Sehun found a dinosaur hat and a snake that he wrapped around his neck (how exotic LOL), then he found a small stuffed white puppy that looked like Vivi. and he carried it all the way back to the stage where he said in chinese, “Vivi says, ‘see you tomorrow!’” (CAN HE GET ANY CUTER???). AND THEN omg the sweetest part was how yixing liteally went to every corner and crevice of the stage to bow and say goodbye and thankyou to the fans :’(((( IM CRYING HE’S LITERALLY THE SWEETEST BUNNY TT he was the last to return to the back part of the stage where baekhyun said they wanted to take a photo with all of us dabbing in the background (LMAO). it was so sad to see them all disappear behind the closing screens, how did time pass so quickly? it felt like we just came in to sit down..

it was an INSANE night. SO MUCH HYPE, SO LIT, SO FUN AND TRUELY showed the talents and nature of exo :’) they really had so much fun and as an EXO-L that is all I can ask for. Im so glad that they were able to get a nights rest before the concert this time unlike last year, because they were so much more awake and aware of the concert. they were all so into it and so CRAZY HYPER HAHA. Interestingly, baekhyun, suho both talked about how this Exo’rdium in HK was the VERY FIRST concert they held in the new year of 2017. WHICH WAS SUCH A HUGE THING!! they were all so energetic and excited about the concert that they asked for everyone in the crowd to dab while they took a group photo with us in the background - I AM OFFICIALLY SIGNING OFF. THEY ASKED US TO DAB FOR A PHOTO IM DONE. LMAO IM DOOONNEEE

So yeah…. that was a LONG ASS POST but it was worth staying up to 4am to write about <3 the best part was that when we looked at the time it was 10:32pm. we started at 7pm SHARP. which meant this concert went on for 3 and a half hours. 3 AND A HALF HOURS. THATS AMAZING AND GENEROUSLY LONG <3 This beautiful memory will stay with me forever and motivate me to do well in upcoming mocks and exams ^^ EXO SARANGHAJA!!!!! <3 WOOOOOO

[thesecondmate]

reading: wk50-52

3 weeks + 3 journal entries for how i was gonna start this post. in essence: goodbye 2020, my god has it been a rollercoaster, albeit one sloping gently downhill into familiar melancholy. i never thought i’d feel like this again, yet it’s like slipping into a warm ocean where i can float forever, safe in the salt and waves lapping at my face.

stay tuned a ‘best of 2020′ list and what i want to read next year that isn’t my damn textbooks. and maybe some personal updates depending on how much wine i drink this evening. happy new year, my loves.

week 50: penultimate week of o+g rotation: i would say the end is in sight but in fact i have lost all motivation, hate my degree (well, specifically, the course administration), had a breakdown outside my exam followed by the most embarrassing brain freeze ever during a panel discussion that i was speak on, took several days to reply to everyone about said exam breakdown, am convinced i will fail my 5th year exams, aaaand dealt with all of this by handpainting christmas cards all saturday. welcome 2 the fun house !

week 51: final week of placement: i struggled through the final week of my placement (literally popped into my placement for 2 hours to have a tutorial, get signed off, and collect my things), failed my mock osce, and went home. so unbelievably drained.

week 52: christmas & post-christmas liminality: feeling vaguely restored by the virtue of reading many books, watching many movies, curling up by the fire, eating many christmas cookies, and having barely any social interaction outside of my family and our cat and dog. still absolutely drained; still very terrified of my next placement and of failing this year. all i want is to move to a city where no one knows me and i can be something new, but alas. eighteen months until i graduate; forty-two until i finish my foundation programme and can truly set off into the big blue yonder of the world.

books

✩ The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo - Steig Larsson (finished) so i actually would have much preferred this to have kept its original swedish title, ‘män som hatar kvinnor’ (’men who hate women’) - it’d have been less manic pixie dream girl and more reflective of larsson’s point, even if larsson is v guilty of the former. it’s a good book - larsson’s grasp of plot is really excellent and i really enjoyed the twists and turns, even if the pacing of the big reveal was a little too rushed for my liking. however, i find his characters a little off - many of them are great, especially berger & henrik vanger, but i find blomkvist a little self-insert at times (he’s a financial journalist! but not like other financial journalists! and he has a sexy editor lady with whom he has an open relationship! and he sleeps with this cool hacker girl who immediately trusts him!), and lisbeth is...very ‘traumatised manic pixie cyberpunk girl’ if you ask me. which is a little uncomfortable. also not to mention the rape scene - which is vile. overall: good, intrigued to see if larsson will flesh lisbeth out to be less of a caricature in the sequels.

✩ The Orphan Master’s Son - Adam Johnson (finished) this book has lost none of its magic for me, absolutely none. if anything, re-reading it a few years later has made me appreciate so many things: the characters (even more than before! if that’s possible!!), the abject heartbreak of the second mate and his wife, the trip to texas (i got far more out of the political side this time), the relationships in the camps (the captain of the junma and li mongnan - hold me whilst my heart BREAKS), the way that johnson plays with narrative from the loudspeakers to the interrogator to the dreamlike quality of jun do’s own new life in pt 2. as a teenager, i was fascinated by the setting, the double-farce of the propaganda vs life, the passages about the second mate’s wife and her silken yellow dress - i thought that jun do was a bland narrator, which i now see couldn’t have been further from the truth. i have so, so much respect for johnson as an author and this book really is a formative part of who i am, in ways that i could not express.

✩ Dark Matter - Michelle Paver (finished) another re-read. michelle paver is the queen of ghost stories and things that go bump in the night (see: spirit walker in the chronicles of ancient darkness) - this book absolutely terrified me the first time that i read it, so i made a point of finishing it in the daytime this time. perhaps that’s why it didn’t hit as hard this time - it was less terrifying. however, really appreciating her choice to make the narrator gay, without ever making a deal out of it or naming it - it’s the lil things like working class arctic explorers being disgustingly in love with their charismatic expedition leaders, ya know? big fan. also huge fan of her descriptive prose - she is also the queen of arctic imagery. her prose, combined with the gorgeous black and white photos at the start of each chapter, have not helped my desire to sack it all off and go work as a doctor in the faroe islands or iceland.

✩ The Diet Myth - Spector (on hold) i left this book at uni bc i didn’t want to ruin my own christmas with his awful writing style, if you want an indication of how much i dislike this book.

✩ Smoke Gets In Your Eyes - Caitlin Doughty (in progress) a christmas gift that i’m currently reading. i’m so morbid and am learning so much, although i feel like some of the chapters are burbling on with anecdotes but don’t hammer home many points (although maybe it’s bc as a medical student i’m less easily shocked than your average reader) - bit confused as to where we’re going but i’m along for the ride.

✩ Calling a Wolf a Wolf - Kaveh Akbar (in progress) beautiful. in progress - his imagery is quite beautiful but i struggle to sit and read poetry.

✩ The Secret History - Donna Tartt (in progress) re-read. i sink back into old books like familiar lovers, like hot baths. so much comfort.

films

✩ Dead Poets Society (1989) why were the deleted scenes deleted. WHY. rewatching it, i felt some of the character development and relationship development was a little rushed - yet the deleted scenes could have fixed that. WHY WERE WE ROBBED. as ever, emotionally devastated as someone who loves languages and books and words, but ultimately chose medicine and science. as ever, very very sad over neil perry and aching for todd anderson. newfound appreciation for meeks + dalton. that punch at the end? *chef’s kiss*

✩ Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001) i am inducting my sisters into lotr and they are powerless to stop me.

✩ Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince (2009) my favourite of the hp movies.

✩ Atonement (2007) this film and i have a long history - i first saw the start of it many years ago, when i did not know what c*nt meant, so was understandably a little bit lost, but also keira knightley in that green dress was a true gay awakening moment. i love the cinematography - it’s so ridiculously dreamlike and gorgeous, and the set design for the house is just beautiful. as are keira knightley and james mcavoy. also, the soundtrack with the use of the typewriters and lighters as drumbeats - my GOD, so beautiful. the second half of the film felt very rushed to me - the reveal that some of it was briony’s fiction made sense, but it lacked the stunning quality of the first half, both plot-wise and camera-wise (although the dunkirk scene was brilliant; love a long, revolving camera pan). i particularly hated every scene with briony in it - v lacklustre - and also the scene with luc remembering cecilia, it just felt forced and gimmicky. the novel definitely wins out for me.

podcasts

i haven’t listened to any podcasts in a while, bar a few episodes of the magnus archives whilst cooking and running errands, BUT i did record one!! the episode will be up in the new year but we have a few back episodes on Right to Refuge, which covers refugee/asylum issues and is by the charity that i work for!

articles: medicine / nature

✩ Mass die-off of birds in south-western US 'caused by starvation' - Phoebe Weston, The Guardian

✩ Eradicating Female Genital Mutilation/Cutting: Human Rights-Based Approaches of Legislation, Education, and Community Empowerment - Williams-Breault (2018), Health Hum Rights i just finished my obstetrics & gynaecology rotation and was appalled by the prevalence of FGM/C in the UK and wanted to learn more. this article is truly excellent in terms of understanding cultural issues and barriers to ending FGM/C.

✩ Female Genital Mutilation: Health Consequences and Complications—A Short Literature Review - Klein et al. (2018), Obstet Gynecol Int. a short america-centric lit review that i read whilst writing up my reflective pieces - not as good as the above one but has more (horrifying) statistics: 200 million women affected worldwide; 6,000 girls cut each day; 85% will have some form of medical complication in their lives, from psychological/sexual to gynaecological to obstetric including death; estimated death rate of 1 in 500; 60.5% of affected women reported fear when their spouse wanted sex compared to 2.4% of unaffected women.

✩ Gender equality and human rights approaches to female genital mutilation: a review of international human rights norms and standards - Khosla et al. (2017), Reprod Health intersection of two things i spend a lot of time thinking about: human rights & medicine. interesting - to re-read again and consider and learn more about things like treatment-monitoring bodies, etc.

✩ The macho sperm myth - Robert D Martin, Aeon a wonderful friend sent me this! i am somewhat lost by the meandering course of the article but interesting points are raised. also the idea that some scientist was like ‘i absolutely KNOW that the heads of sperm contain tiny homunculi; i cannot see them but they are THERE’ is just hilarious.

articles: covid-19 nb: i am not linking every covid article i read bc that would be so depressing but rest assured i’m up to date on a surface level. i am not on a medical level bc i am emotionally exhausted.

✩ Covid vaccine: 'Disappearing' needles and other rumours debunked - Jack Goodman & Flora Carmichael, BBC pls don’t even. let me think about anti-vaxxers. i simply wish to know the current conspiracy theories so i can argue with people more effectively.

✩ Covid at Christmas: 'Chris Whitty is more popular than Britney Spears' - Emma Harrison, BBC please someone get me a chris witty prayer candle i am BEGGING

✩ Covid-19: Doctors call for rapid rollout of vaccines - Nick Triggle, BBC

articles: culture

✩ Art in 2021: The highlights to hope for - Will Gompertz, BBC yayoi kusama is coming to the tate modern!! which i can actually get to relatively easily on public transport from my uni city!! gonna take myself to see the infinity rooms omg i am so EXCITED

✩ History: Quileute Nation this is the official site of the quileute nation, whose history and mythology stephanie meyer butchered in the twilight saga.

✩ The Archers tackles the 'hidden' connection between disability and modern slavery - BBC something i’m ashamed to say that i knew nothing about until this article. the archers keeps on giving in terms of social issues.

✩ Gollancz gets Sims’ ‘horror for the Netflix generation’ - Tom Tivnan, The Bookseller jonny sims is writing a BOOK??! the EXCITEMENT i feel

[fmdtaeyongarchive]

headcanon #021: opinion on knight (& white knight) singles

word count: 1,593 words

mama: ash isn’t a huge fan of knight’s debut song, but it was his debut and he wasn’t about to complain when he was still surprised he was chosen for debut in the first place. at the time, he’d convinced himself it was experimental and edgy, but now, ash really just thinks it’s cringe-worthy, so he’s glad they don’t really perform it anymore.

wolf: some of the choreography elements of wolf were innovative, but even at the time, ash couldn’t pretend to think the song was good. musically, there are parts that could have been part of a decent song, but lyrically and conceptually, it’s a disaster and ash would like to never have to howl like a wolf again. he didn’t have many lines in their early days, and this is a song he didn’t mind being able to fade into the background of.

growl: this was the first time knight did a more classic boy group concept and that was a relief to ash. at the time, he really loved it, though he hadn’t expected it to blow up into the absolute hit it was. the concept and sound fit him well at the time and it’s one of the songs that ash believes stands the test of time the best of knight’s songs. all songs considered, though, it’s no longer one of his favorite eras.

overdose: musically, overdose wasn’t one of ash’s favorite at the time or now. there are parts of its production that do remind ash a bit of the classic 90s western boy groups he grew up on, but not enough for him to fall in love with the song. he was really getting tired of the aggressive interpretations of love knight was taking on in their title tracks, but overdose was a step up from all of the animal imagery of wolf and growl.

call me baby: this is definitely one of ash’s favorite eras. they were finally moving in the right direction lyrically, in ash’s opinion, and the music video and concept were very classic boy group, which is really all ash wanted when he became a trainee under bc. it was the first time he really felt like the main concept he was supposed to portray was sexy, but it wasn’t over the top. a lot of ash’s fans consider this his first “legendary” era because it was the first time he was really able to stand out at all and his image fits the vibe of the song well, and ash wouldn’t disagree.

love me right: the football concept in the music video was weird to ash, but the song wasn’t bad, save for some questionable english, but that wasn’t new. overall, it’s a forgettable era for him.

sing for you: this is a strong contender for ash’s favorite knight song. he doesn’t have many lines, but he likes listening to it as much as he does performing it. it was the first title track where he really felt he could connect to the lyrics and, if he’s allowed to say so, he considers it one of his favorite boy group songs in the history of idol music.

monster: ash’s hatred for monster is well-established. other than not being in a good place in general at the time, he hated the way they went from the emotional vulnerability to “i’m going to mess you up” and how he felt it fed into a bad image when he was already struggling with the public perception of himself. he could barely hide his distaste for this comeback.

lucky one: it’s better than the other promoted single for the comeback, monster, and it wins points for that, but it’s pretty forgettable for ash and he doesn’t have much of an opinion on it at all.

lotto: again, ash’s opinion is tainted by his own personal difficulties in 2016, but lotto’s not the top of his list either. the autotune was too critical a part of the production for a song intended to be performed live, in his opinion, and the choreography wasn’t anything knight hadn’t done before.

fanfare: why bc decided he needed to be one of the center focuses on a comeback only a few months after his scandal, ash will never understand. it was the most lines and center time he’d gotten in his career up to that point, so ash doesn’t associate many feelings with the song other than pressure. he came out mostly praised for successfully delivering in his increased focus, but it was a big change for him.

gorilla: throw this one in the dumpster with wolf and monster. ash does feel this is the first time he really got to let his vocals shine, but it’s so bad lyrically in his opinion that it’s only competition for worst in that category is wolf. he’s glad they’ve mostly left it in the past.

hey mama: this song grew on him. he has some objections to “mama” as a term of endearment, but ash has more fun performing white knight’s songs than almost any of the full group songs. he isn’t a fan of having to rap for it, but he likes the feeling and concept of their promotions. it felt fun, but age appropriate, and both while still being appropriately sexy for knight’s image. if he can’t get one cute concept for kicks, this is the next best thing.

can you feel it?: bc’s budget should be able to provide better than this. again, it felt like falling back onto a sound and concept they’d done before for the sake of safe sales. not one of their worst, but certainly not one of their best.

roar: lyrically, roar isn’t strong to ash, but he did like the choreography and it’s another era that’s popular among fans that bias him. he has some problems with it’s production, too, so it falls in the middle of the field overall.

easy love: this was the last time ash really liked a knight song and, as is the case with most of his favorites, it’s because he finds it a relatable song. the song was good and different enough from their usual for ash not to get immediately bored. it wasn’t one of their top hits, but when they do get to perform it, ash is almost happy to be on stage with knight, a rare emotion for him.

ko ko bop: he just wanted this promotion period to be over with. it’s not bad, but ash doesn’t feel that knight was made to do summer songs. the season they excel in is winter.

power: “trash” - ash kwon, 2017. ash doesn’t know what the hell this was, but they should have kept it as the second rate superhero disney channel original series theme song it must have originally been.

o sole mio: a noble try at the latin trend, but ash had checked out of knight completely by this point and he couldn’t put his heart completely into any of their releases any more. it’s not bad, but ash doesn’t know that knight needed to go down the musical path they did for this comeback just because the sound was popular at the time.

universe: if ash had had any emotional investment in knight left, he would have been fond of this song, but, as it stands, it’s another in a long list he had to record because he’s contractually obligated to. he does like the prominent piano line and the lyrics, too. if ash had been permitted to write a knight title track, he thinks it might sound something like this.

blooming day: it’s no hey mama, but it’s alright. like the previous white knight single, it’s concept is more in line with what ash would like to do with group songs, and he found the choreography enjoyably challenging. the only thing he’d change is the “can i be your boyfriend?” hook. anything to dissuade fans from seeing him as their fantasy boyfriend.

critical beauty: bc must have been running out of ideas to be sampling elvis. it tries for romantic and falls into sleazy if you ask ash, but he actually thinks he’d like it a lot more on a different boy group, like charm. ash believes they would have pulled it off better than knight.

tempo: to ash, it’s simply... not good. he admires what the producer was going for, but he doesn’t like the production in the slightest and hasn’t even listened to this song outside of practice and performances more than once or twice.

love shot: it’s miles better than tempo, but it reminds ash of how much he hates selling sex. the chorus is also too repetitive, but he won’t lie; he’d have loved to sing the bridge.

now or never: bc are cruising now, banking on knight’s past success to carry them through instead of putting their best hitmakers to work on their albums, by ash’s estimation. is it bad? no, but it’s not anything special in the current boy group landscape either. he doesn’t mind performing it, though.

enough: ash thinks the company could have done something interesting with the narcissus concept, but , in the end, he felt like nothing more than a sex object again, so he doesn’t have many positive associations with this era and the lyrics are weak again, too. don’t even get him started on the english version.

ash’s favorite comeback singles are call me baby, sing for you, hey mama, and easy love. his least favorite comeback singles are wolf, monster, gorilla, and power.