#i think my 11 year old self would be proud

[yyshm]

been thinking about drool a lot recently.... waughgh I miss her. my fucked up warcrime horse. my beloved meow meow...

[brucewaynehater101]

I typically go with Romantic which is just. So *oof*. Also, I can just picture it now. Dick asks Tim why he thought this was a good idea at all, why he didn't call someone for a ride and Tim simply replies, "I've been getting back to Gothem on my own like this for years. No need to bother you guys." and before he can even continue theres a chorus of "you aren't a bother" and "what the fuck do you mean?!"

Tim just takes a deep breath and says, "I've been getting back to Gothem on my own since before I was Robin so it was never a Robin or Batman issue, it's always been a Tim Drake thing." of course Bruce demands to know what Tim means by "getting back to Gothem on his own" and he just sighs as he sits on some grain, biting the bullet to just get it over with as he says, "sometimes when I went on trips with my parents they would get into arguments and leave in separate cars. And both of them would think the other one took me with them. And I always showed up at home safe and sound a few days later so they never really questioned it. Ha, first time was actually at a Gala in New York. I remember they were fighting about what dig site to go to and that night Mom got on a flight to Siberia while Dad got on a flight to The Congo. I snuck my little nine year old self onto a gray hound bus and rode it all the way to Gothem and then walked back to the manor."

Tim goes on to tell them about other times, somewhere between venting about his trauma and reminiscing about times he looks back on fondly. The fight that left him in Panama Beach when he was 11, the one that left him in Denver when he was 13, just 3 weeks before he became Robin, the one when he was 15 and was abandoned in Atlanta, the time when they left him somewhere in *Canada* and the time he was left in *Mexico City* when he was 14. He even laughs about having to sneak onto a cargo ship when his parents left him in Paris, France when he was 16. He comments that that one was actually a few weeks after he healed from the Titans Tower fight. Bruce and Jason are both totally not having a near panic attack about that last one.

Tim is living his life and forgetting that what he went through is probably fucked up. If it happened to another kid, he'd label that as criminal neglect. For himself? Meh.

(I know this is possible because, as someone who's been praised for being smart, I can be so fucking dumb. After explaining to my therapist that I've had anxiety attacks several years before and get anxious in social situations, I was shocked when she told me I had anxiety. Fucking dumb of me, but I bet Tim makes similar mistakes).

Just Tim vibing over all the "good times" he had and forgetting that it's fucked up his parents did that. He probably also felt really proud of himself for figuring it out. He was able to solve his issues and navigate complicated problems (like crossing borders without a passport) all by himself! Isn't that so cool!

The poor batfam is having heart attack after heart attack hearing all of this. It's another aspect of Tim that gets added to the piles of "things he hid from us without meaning to" and "why digging up the Drakes to revive and kill them again is a good idea" (Damian and Steph mainly are the ones to propose the second option).

I love the examples you proposed! Tim really was vibing

[veersnz]

News of a new Beginning

I am beyond exhausted right now but I wanted at least try and write something tonight. And where do I even begin… I’m overwhelmed by emotions right now, good ones I promise.

As today marks the day I finally graduated high-school. And some may wonder; « but Veer, you’re 22, how come you’re only graduating now ? »

The story is a little complicated but yes, I did start high-school just like everyone else my age over 8 years ago. 8 years ago was also when I started my recovery journey, and as with any journey, nothing is ever goes smoothly and to fulfill it I had to drop out of school. I tried my best over the years to go back and finish my education but I faced many challenges that made it nearly impossible. I managed to finish two of the three years of high-school over a period of 7 years between many hospital stays and periods of great difficulties. In my heart I knew I was getting too old to go back to high school, the gap between me and my peers was widening each year and with it grew the fear of going back, of feeling out of place, alone and crushed by the weight of my own expectations. I was raised believing my academic achievements made my worth and I’m sure many will relate to that, this fear of never being enough. So I almost made peace with never having the future I wished for. But truthfully, this future I had imagined for myself wasn’t mine, it was someone else’s dream. And I was left stranded on the shores of those wishes, not having the faintest idea of what my life would become. And I almost made peace with that.

I clung to those realizations until last September when I enrolled in this special needs school far away from my home. One last time, I thought, one more chance. I didn’t know what I wanted to do after that, if I even managed to stay until the end. But it didn’t matter, my family believed in me, so did my therapist and my friends, even after so many failed attempts they kept their faith intact. And this love, I think that’s what helped me make the decision.

So I took that leap of faith, got a small room and started living on my own for the first time while pursuing my education. I would lie if I said it was an easy ordeal, many obstacles came in my way and I almost gave up, many times. But with the help of my family, friends and the incredible people I met at this school I persevered. I am very aware of the incredible luck I had that September of 2023, being surrounded by so many loving and caring people. I couldn’t be more grateful. And you all count to, it may seem silly because this is « just a kink community » but I’ve met so many brave souls, incredible people and so much love even from afar. Having this positive presence in my life has brought me strength and respite sometimes from the outside world, even just for a moment sometimes. And for that I am eternally grateful.

And so after 11 months I am graduating with the highest honors and finally putting an end to this journey of 8 years. Of course the path to recovery will continue on, but I am turning to a new page of my life’s story and I couldn’t be happier and grateful. I’m still probably in shock and the realization will settle over me in the next few days. But today, today I know that I’ve reclaimed my future.

I know there will be many more challenges, uncertainty and pain to face but tonight I am basking in the happiness of having accomplished something my past self could only dream about. And I hope the parts of myself I left behind are proud of me.

Thank you ❤️

[severus-snaps]

Snape's Memories

back again with some Thoughts. so i was either on reddit or quora (shudder at some of the responses there, but some are fun) and this is probably old news but

"Snape's Worst Memory" probably isn't/has potential not to be his actual worst memory

like he lost lily's friendship (but that happened 'officially' later in the day), got roundly humiliated and (depending on how far james went), a lot more than just humiliated, which was probably terrible - but then later on, Lily died, and he had a hand in it - we even see the conversation where he finds out, which I think is a stronger contender, and i expect he witnessed/participated in a lot of terrible things whilst a DE, but especially as a double agent

but it's not called that by snape himself or the characters, it's just the chapter title, unless i'm mistaken. like "the sacking of severus snape", he wasn't actually 'sacked' in the literal sense

and "snape's worst memory" (as one of the comments i read said, and really amused me) sounds a lot better than "snape's third or fourth worst memory"

also new tangent, the occlumency lessons and harry diving into the Pensieve was such a golden opportunity to shed some more light on what his time as a DE was like, even a glimpse

a hook-nosed man was shouting at a cowering woman, while a small dark-haired boy cried in a corner... A greasy-haired teenager sat alone in a dark bedroom, pointing his wand at the ceiling, shooting down flies… A girl was laughing as a scrawny boy tried to mount a bucking broomstick

these memories are not in snape's life order, presumably; snape is a small boy (child), a "teenager", and then when he "tried to mount a bucking broomstick" likely would be in his first year (age 11), when Harry & Co. had their first flying lessons, as they're described as "girl" and "boy" again, not much older than children, and not teenagers

i present as options for nothing other than my own amusement:

a hook-nosed man was shouting at a cowering woman, while a small dark-haired boy cried in a corner... A greasy-haired teenager sat alone in a dark bedroom, pointing his wand at the ceiling, shooting down flies… a masked Death Eater slashed his wand, the man at his feet collapsing in a pool of blood... A girl was laughing as a scrawny boy tried to mount a bucking broomstick

or:

a hook-nosed man was shouting at a cowering woman, while a small dark-haired boy cried in a corner... A greasy-haired teenager sat alone in a dark bedroom, pointing his wand at the ceiling, shooting down flies… Voldemort's cold laughter echoed, Snape twisted in agony at his feet... A girl was laughing as a scrawny boy tried to mount a bucking broomstick

like these are off the top of my head, but Harry and Snape also talk about Snape being a Death Eater, Snape seems proud of his useful role, bragging about it to Sirius whenever he can and to Harry in that particular conversation... and then we mostly just get the Charity Burbage scene and the scene with Bellatrix (which isn't even the usual DE setting, whatever that is, and if 'usual' is a word that can even be applied), and Snape accidentally cutting off George's ear.

So, here would've been a fun little opportunity to delve into either some early DE snape, and my personal preferences include

getting the Dark Mark, with some light context clues for when this occurred

alluding to when he handed over the prophecy, or when Voldemort decided it was Lily - but without mentioning as much

snape actively joining in on some terrible rite/group torture, or

snape passively standing at the edges of some terrible rite/group torture

(my personal favourite) Snape watching as his dad dies - was it "natural"/self-inflicted (e.g. he was ill, or from drinking too much) or poison (snape's doing)

(my other personal favourite) "Muggle torture" like at the World Cup, only somehow dated to when Snape was a young DE Some background to this one to make my case: parallels are drawn between the Muggle torture by DEs at the World Cup and the Levicorpus spell and SWM - Draco threatens Hermione with the same ("D’you want to be showing off your knickers in midair? Because if you do, hang around… they’re moving this way, and it would give us all a laugh.") and then Ron/Harry describes the spell as "just a laugh", etc, and we see SWM ("this'll liven you up, Padfoot" / "Many people in the small crowd cheered; Sirius, James and Wormtail roared with laughter" / "'Who wants to see me take off Snivelly's pants?'")

So, Muggle torture; do we see Snape as an active participant, revelling in being the aggressor for a change, drunk on power and a sense of 'fitting in' - or as an already doubtful, unenthusiastic but in-too-deep Death Eater, not naturally inclined to violence, for whom the threat to Lily is the final catalyst for change?

it need only be a line "a masked Death Eater hung a screaming woman by the ankle above a jeering crowd, her skirt obscuring her face" "a masked Death Eater turned from a screaming woman, suspended above a jeering crowd with her skirt obscuring her face"

and then how does that impact harry's view of snape? how does it impact harry's view of SWM/his dad? in either case, Harry would continue to assume that Snape was a cowardly death eater, a traitor, and a bad person and swiftly resume thinking so even after SWM, but it would offer him and the reader even more insight about the sort of DE snape was before he turned spy

anyway. i just want MORE SNAPE SNIPPETS DAMMIT

[mirai-e-jump]

Masato Yano Photobook: TONE (translations and select pages below)

Publication: March 15, 2024

Masato Yano's 132 Q&A About 13 years ago, "Masato Yano's Style Photobook" was published with a Q&A. Now, a 32 year old Masato Yano answers nearly the same questions again.

1) What's your nickname? Yanocchi, Masanii, Masati

2) When were you born? December 16, 1991

3) What's your blood type? Type B

4) Your zodiac sign? Sagittarius

5) What size family are you from? I come from a family of 4

6) How tall are you? 173cm

7) Your shoe size? 26.5cm

8) What are some of your strengths? My jokes

9) How do you spend your days off? I'll drink the night before, go to the gym

10) What subjects were you worst at? Math and history

11) What are your favorite foods? Sushi and tsukemen

12) What's your assessment of your own personality? I'm easily obsessive and bored. I'm actually shy, but I'm trying my best so you don't think that way (laughs)

13) What are some of your weaknesses? I'm not good at remembering things like people's birthdays or names

14) What are you proud of? That I made my debut in "Shintokumaru"

15) What's your favorite color? Red and white

16) What type of woman do you like? Someone with a good core, someone who eats beautifully

17) What instruments can you play? None

18) What's your special skill? That I can guess who someone is just by their voice

19) What's your best feature? My double eyelids

20) What do you wish would disappear from the world? War

21) The first impressions that are often said about you? That I look scary

22) The person that you respect? Tsumabuki Satoshi-san and Fujiwara Tatsuya-san

23) What do you have a habit of saying? "~nanoyo" and "oh no"

24) Your least favorite type? Someone who only talks about themself

25) What's your treasure? The wallet I received from Tsumabuki-san

26) The ideal self that you desire to be? I want to be liked by many people

27) What's your "theme song"? Recently it's been that I'm the "most powerful king"

28) Your favorite artists? WATWING, the Carpenters, Eric Clapton, GENERATIONS

29) What do you do when you first wake up in the morning? Put on my glasses

30) What do you do right before bed? Put on the radio

31) What habits do you do unconsciously? Touch my nose, do things like suck on the end of a straw

32) What do you usually perform at karaoke? I tend to sing alot by SMAP

33) What foods do you not like? Shiitake mushrooms

34) What's your favorite thing to drink? Mets Grapefruit

35) What was the first CD you ever bought? Jet Coaster Romance by KinKi Kids

36) What do you like to watch and what's your favorite anime? Great Pretender, soccer games

37) How long does it take for you to bathe? 1 hour

38) What's your favorite season? I don't do well with heat

39) When do your emotions become intense? They don't

40) What are your hobbies? Muscle training

41) Do you cry easily? When I feel like it

42) Do you have a pet? What's it's name? I had one. It was a cat named Chaco

43) How many children do you want? I want two. A boy and a girl

44) What's the first thing you look at when entering a convenience store? The bento corner

45) What do you usually buy from a convenience store? Water and spicy ramen

46) What really makes you angry? Nothing much

47) What's the number one thing you want right now? Muscles! (laughs)

48) What have you been secretly interested in recently? The Korean language

49) What's the one thing you'd take to a deserted island? A lighter

50) How do you relax at home? Burn incense and listen to some records

51) What's necessary for world peace? Love

52) What do you wonder about? Why is there a Ladies Day, but not a Men's Day?

53) What would you do if the world ended today? I'd overdo things as usual

54) S? M? I wouldn't say I'm an M💦

55) What's your phone background? Currently it's King-Ohger (for the past 2 months)

56) What animal would you compare yourself to? Some kind of reptilian I guess

57) What are you into these days? Cilantro

58) What do you like to collect? Miniature food sets

59) What's your favorite scent? White musk types, Savon by SHIRO

60) What's something expensive that you bought recently? A vintage varsity jacket

61) How often do you go out shopping? At the very least I go out once a month

62) Can you cook? I do it often

63) What kind of present would you be happy to get from a friend? I'd be happy with anything

64) What would make a girl happy if you gave her a present? Aesop

65) What's your fetish? Legs

66) What would the ideal confession be? Saying it on the way back home after going out for meals a few times

67) At what age do you want to marry by? Hopefully by 40 (laughs)

68) What's something good you do for your body? I go to the gym

69) What's something you always have on you? Chapstick

70) What's the ideal spot for a date? A buffet

71) Which do you prefer? The sea or the mountains? Both the sea and mountains have alot of bugs

72) What scares you? Roller coasters, horror, cockroaches

73) When does your excitement rise? When my work goes well

74) What's your favorite place? Home

75) What's your favorite store? It's a secret ❤️

76) Are you a meat eater? Vegetarian? Are you a fan of cabbage rolls? I eat bugs

77) What's your favorite onigiri topping? Salmon roe

78) What do you usually get at a cafe? I don't go to cafes

79) What's something tasty you've eaten recently? The umeboshi Fukuyama-kun gave me

80) What have you been paranoid about recently? That a big earthquake will hit Tokyo

81) Where do you start washing your body from? My head

82) What's your favorite type of fashion? Things that give off an "American casual" feel

83) At what moment do you fall in love with someone? Sometimes it's not really apparent

84) What words make you happy to hear? "Your performance was good"

85) What's your favorite movie? Grave of the Fireflies

86) What person do you really want to meet right now? Ninagawa-san

87) What's something that's alittle luxurious? Sushi that doesn't come from a conveyor belt

88) How would you describe yourself with a single (kanji) character? "Think," because no matter what I do or say, I have alot to think about.

89) How long does it take you to get up in the morning and leave your house? On a work day it takes 20 minutes. I usually don't go out on my days off (laughs)

90) What changes your mood? When I'm left out

91) What would you consider (if they did) to be cheating on you? If they did a deep kiss (laughs)

92) Are you sensitive to the heat? To the cold? I don't like either

93) Emails or phone calls, which is better? Writing is best

94) What do you frequently use on your phone? Instagram, Twitter, Uber

95) How old were you when you first fell in love? What kind of person were they? It was a kid who lived in my neighborhood when I was in my second year of elementary school.

96) What gestures do women do that make you feel excited? When they put their hair behind one ear

97) Are you enjoying work right now? I want to have fun (laughs)

98) What's your favorite TV program? Programs that only feature comedians

99) What's your favorite sport? Soccer

100) What's your least favorite sport? Baseball

101) Are you the type of person who likes park rides that cause you to scream? I don't do well with them, but if I'm asked to ride one, I will (laughs)

102) Are you good at athletics? I think I'm a good at it

103) What do you take photos of? Tsukemen and sushi

104) What's your favorite flower? Gerbera

105) What's your favorite event of the year? It's New Year's Eve, I'll have a party with my friends and we'll eat alot

106) What's your top 3 favorite stalls at a festival? Beef skewers is #3, grilled squid is #2, okonomiyaki is #1

107) What was your most stressful experience? Performing on opening day for Shintokumaru

108) Your favorite donburi? Beef bowl

109) Are you good with your hands? I wonder~?

110) How long do you sleep in a day? About 3-7 hours. I sleep alot longer on days when I don't work

111) Is your sleeping position good? I think it's okay

112) What's your favorite ramen? I love tsukemen. I have a "cat's tongue" though

113) What color would you compare yourself to? Purple

114) Do you like scary stories? I don't like them in any way (laughs)

115) What subjects were you best at? Gym and art

116) What club activities were you involved in? The soccer club in middle school and the dance club in high school

117) If you were reborn, would you rather be male or female? I'd still want to be male

118) What part time jobs have you had? A bread factory, an Izakaya, a festival stall

119) What do you want to do when you're 40? Meet fans at events

120) What were your favorite school lunches? Nanbanzuke, meat sauce

121) Have you ever seen a ghost? I might've (laughs)

122) What's something you'd like to try that you've never experienced before? Travel overseas

123) Where would you like to take a trip to? Hot springs, Korea, Italy

124) What's your favorite ride at an amusement park? The exploration based ones

125) How many times in one day do you send emails? Currently, I exchange about 30-50 LINE's a day

126) Were you the type of person who finished their Summer homework early? I always felt like I was rushing to finish it at the last second💦

127) Are you more likely to arrive early for a meet up? Or do you arrive late? For work I'm early, in my private life I'm late

128) If you want to go out with someone, how many years older are you okay with? I've never thought about it in terms of age

129) What's an essential item you need when traveling? Earphones

130) What do you do when you can't sleep at night? There are so many things that I'll just give up. I actually thought about this questionnaire when I couldn't sleep (laughs)

131) What do you think about while brushing your teeth? I imagine that there's red paint on my teeth, and then I'll imagine how I have to get it off

132) If you only had one week left to live, what would you do? I'd eat a bunch of the foods I like. I'd meet up with the people I like as much as possible. I'd leave a secret audio farewell message for everyone

[starlightseraph]

final (long) thoughts about the rpf debacle, as i’ve finally blocked all the major accounts involved

regarding david and michael: they seem like two great guys with great chemistry, and they appear to really care for each other. the nature of their connection, their happiness in their relationships, the details of their personal lives, etc are not for any of us to say. we certainly don't need to analyse every thing they do and every flick of their eyes or use 20 year old tabloid bits to create a story about them being trapped and potentially abused and "clearly" wanting to leave their partners so they can fuck. no one dislikes the theorising because it's m/m, anyone who does has issues to work through. 99% of us dislike it because it's invasive, done without any knowledge of the boundaries or comfort of the people it's about.

regarding georgia: idc what other people say, i think she can actually act. i think it's unlikely that my opinion is biased, given that i actually became aware of her before i even knew who david was (merlin, i was 11). do i think she's the greatest actress who's ever lived? no. do i want to fall at her feet to praise every word she types on her ig? no. to me, her public personality is pretty cool and likeable, and she certainly uses her platform for good things. i don't see evidence that david has an issue with the social media stuff that georgia does, maybe a bit of playful annoyance, but nothing too serious. she does actually say good things about him, quite often. when she says things that could be deemed insulting, it’s nothing unique to david, she does that with practically everyone she posts about. i see absolutely no reason to believe that she's abusive, a baby trapper, that her children dislike her, or that david is miserable with her. i genuinely feel that her "stalker" comments were jokes. based on what she and david have said, it sounds like she was acting like anyone with a crush would, texting the object of her affections and wanting to hang out. in my community, completely normal behaviour is called stalkery, just to poke fun at someone for having a crush, sometimes done in a self-deprecating way. as for the peter davison story and its inconsistencies, idk what to make of that. the claims that she got her "david" tattoo right after they met and that she changed ty's name without input from david are completely unfounded. I've seen no evidence for the name bit, and i've actually found evidence against the tattoo story. i'm not proud of it, but i did go digging through paparazzi photos, and she doesn't actually have the tattoo until later. no one, not even the tabloids, seems to have anything about an open relationship or them not going steady before getting married. the first actual records of those rumours is in the blogs that say the rumours have been around for nearly 20 years. all the "evidence" for these last few things that i've seen cited (or even very boldly linked) is from the trashiest of trashy blog sites with 2004-level web design. i take them with a grain of salt, given that not even the daily mail repeats their stories.

regarding anna: i'm ambivalent towards her. i don't see any obvious great talent as an actress or model, but she also hasn't really done anything that has the opportunity to showcase ability in those fields. i also don’t think she has never before seen levels chemistry with the others, but, again, we’ve hardly seen anything. the claims that she got pregnant through a one night stand seem more widely acknowledged, so maybe that was the case. if that is what happened, i have a few things to say. firstly, did neither of these grown adults have birth control? the baby trapping claims imply that she deliberately sabotaged it, which is an incredibly serious claim that we are in no position to make. within this story, michael apparently met her at an acting school graduation and they hooked up. she would've been in her early-mid 20s and he would have been almost 50… the rpf blogs say that they have no personal bias against georgia and anna, and that they're perfectly willing to call david and michael out on their bullshit, yet (to my knowledge) they haven't said anything about this. if they're really so concerned with the truth, and they believe the graduation hookup story, why not call michael out for it?? they were both adults and while i do believe that healthy relationships with a large age gap are possible, it’s still a bit weird given how they would’ve met. also, there are have been lots of (unconfirmed and contested) allegations that michael is a serial cheater, so what makes these blogs think that he wouldn't also cheat on david in this fantasy world view of theirs? i know that at least 2 of the major blogs believe the cheating stories. i believe that people can be bettered no matter what they've done and that they should get chances, but assuming that he wouldn't cheat in this singular situation seems pretty biased to me.

bottom line, we don't know! this is exactly what i’ve said since the beginning, that we have absolutely no place in these people's lives outside of admiring their accomplishments and supporting their work. please, everyone, chill. by all means, write fun stories on ao3 using the likenesses of david and georgia and michael and anna! i find it uncomfortable, but i don't have real moral objections to fiction that is only intended as fiction. i’ve previously said that we don't have a problem with the georgia/anna shipping jokes because they're jokes, and one of the pf blogs said that it was serious because of an ao3 slash fanfic and that we were only fine with it because it was f/f. correction, we were fine with that because it was purely and entirely fictional. not being presented was an investigation into real life.

i've seen lots of these blogs saying that a video of david and michael having sex could be released and the we'd find a way to brush it off or discount it. flipping this and applying it back, i think that david and michael could hold a press conference declaring that they're not in a relationship, and the blogs would work around it, claiming beards and façades.

quick warning to everyone, digital footprint exists. one blog in particular very casually displays her identity, and someone could easily send her graphic sex stories and claims of abuse about real strangers to potential employers or event hosts. this isn't a threat, i really can't be arsed, but it's something to be aware of, that these things can have real life repercussions.

i want to clarify that the only reason i would be bummed if the theories were true is because it would mean that all four of them would have lived in unhappiness. i don’t dislike the theories, while they do claim a variety of disturbing things that i certainly hope aren’t true, because i want to pretend that everything is perfect. it’s the extreme parasocial obsession and complete lack of any boundaries that i object to.

the conspiracy story had been told many times, every single group of devotees to a public figure or piece of media weaves and incredible web of false evidence and imagined narratives. maybe you think that you're actually right this time, that you've become privy to a truth. maybe you are right. but to believe undeterred that this time it’s different and your theories are true is just wishful thinking. if everything is true, great for you, i guess, your favs have been miserable for years, but at least you were right, yeah? it’s a fucking insane mindset to have. until they confirm or deny, you don't get to tell their story for them.

[mittysins]

Newt at Home

Includes: Trans mpreg, graphic labor and orgasmic birth

I'm so glad I was able to get this finished! First Mayternity, in the bag. Of course I needed to use Newt for this. I'm so proud that I've actually managed to complete a seasonal art piece. I hope you guys enjoy it!!

[FIND THE UNCENSORED ART ON TWITTER]

-------------

Okay, I'm not going to lie and say I'm not kind of freaked out. I'm standing in the kitchen wearing a loose shirt and a pair of sweatpants, quickly scribbling down the time in my notebook.

10:56 PM. I've been in labor for 10 hours, at least. I couldn't really tell at first, thinking the twinge in my lower abdomen was just Braxton Hicks. I ate my lunch and had a nap without a second thought.

Eventually I realized the pain wasn't going away, in fact it was introducing a new pressure in my hips that I was frankly not a fan of. Okay. So that’s how it is.

I started by emailing my professor. Just a vague mention of a family emergency, and that I was going to need an extension on an upcoming essay.

Continuing on, I sent a quick “baby’s on her way!” to the group chat where my friends were dicking around as they usually did. I laughed at their excited responses as I tapped my pen on the paper. Newest contraction started 43 seconds ago. I was doing just fine.

Then to get down to business. I blessed my past self for having half a mind to have everything ready a month beforehand. Everything I needed was in the bottom drawer of the baby’s dresser. A few old towels, a package of training pads, and settled neatly on top was a pair of sterile clamps and scissors within blue plastic packaging. I felt my heart skip a beat when I opened the drawer to set everything up. This was actually happening.

It was a waiting game from then on. Which is how I ended up here. My contractions are now 4 minutes apart and it's really starting to set in. My chest burns in a weird way, most likely a result of binding for years. I accepted the lung damage a long time ago, and it seems to be making itself well known as my breathing grows increasingly ragged. I can't quite keep my legs together anymore with that ever-present weight on my pelvis. It feels like something is about to give at any second. I assume it’s my water, honestly I figured it would have broken by now. I let out a long sigh as the contraction ends and set down the pen. I sway my hips as I flip through the notebook on the counter in front of me. Written on the first page is the date my pregnancy test was positive as well as a few phone numbers. I can still see a few splotches of faded numbers where my tears had mixed with the ink of my favorite pen. The next few pages were symptoms, weight, my medications including my testosterone gel. Everything medical. I was so scared all those months ago, it almost makes me anxious to look back on those pages. I prefer to look at the middle of the notebook, where I noted when I had gone a week without morning sickness, my first weird craving, the bizarre and vivid dreams I was having. My favorite was the page dedicated to name suggestions. All my friends took turns scribbling down names they liked, laughing and teasing each other as we crossed some out and circled others. It isn't too long before I flip to my current page and glance at my phone.

11:00 on the dot.

I bite my lip and continue my swaying with a firm grip on the counter. It hurts now. That's not to say it didn't hurt before, but now it's getting intense. Each clawing contraction feels like a band being tightened around my entire lower abdomen. It's enough to keep me tensed up with my head bowed for its entirety, until finally, finally, there's that give.

I let out a soft groan as my water breaks. It's not a huge gush like in the movies, more of like a gentle pop followed by a steady stream of fluid that lasts a few seconds. I take a moment to assess my situation. Pants need to come off, obviously, but after that? I couldn't quite decide. I weigh my options as I wattle back to my room and remove my sweatpants, tossing them into a laundry pile I'd designated to this whole ordeal. I could lay in bed with a pillow between my knees and just… wait. I quickly toss that option when I realize how little I've sat still since I even realized I was in labor. A shower sounds nice, the wetness between my legs is less than pleasant and the water on my back would be helpful. I could set up a spot on the couch, just throw down some waterproof pads and a towel or two and labor there, maybe get some last minute work done.

I tense up. Oh, now this is different. I subconsciously bend my knees a little as the contraction reaches its peak. The release of pressure when my water broke was heavenly, but the respite didn't last long. Instead the pressure returned, now bringing with it an intense fullness resting just at the base of my pelvis. I grimace as I feel more fluid trickle between my thighs. Shower it is.

I watch the clock switch to 11:04 as the contraction lets up.

It's a short walk across the hall to get to my bathroom. I realize how sensitive my nipples are when I peel off my shirt. I flush at the sound I make when the fabric drags, sending a jolt down my spine. I'm getting worked up and my heart rate quickens for a moment. I turn the faucet tab and slowly drag myself into the tub, letting the warm water run down my back and legs. For a few moments it feels like routine again. Just me and my baby. No college, no work, no bills, no angry parents. Just me, lowering myself to my knees in the shower, my baby burrowing dangerously low in my pelvis with the next contraction.

It's hard to keep track of time from then on. I'm sort of just zoning out a lot, concentrating closely with each new wave of pain and letting my mind wander in the steeply decreasing downtime. Eventually I’m talking aloud to her, telling her how loved she already is, that she can come on out when she’s ready, that I'm so excited to finally meet her. That I'm ready. My mindless blabbering stops when I feel a very sudden shift.

Before I realize it I'm openly groaning into the air with the gripping contraction. It all just got very real, and I can feel myself becoming frantic. The increase in pressure was maddening, and no amount of shifting and rolling my hips would relieve it. My last contraction was at most a minute ago. I don't have long at all. I decide to push, just the tiniest bit, at the end of the contraction. It's just a little shove, I don't even hold my breath. Just enough to try it out and get a feel for the sensation. If she’s coming, she's coming. If she’s not, what happens? I wait a little longer and try again?

Another timid nudge.

Yeah, she’s definitely coming.

As soon as the contraction lets up I turn off the shower and heave myself out to towel off. I almost want to jump out of my skin I'm so excited. A quick collection of my shirt, phone and towel and I’m waddling back into my room, haphazardly tossing them on my bed. I decide to wait until after the next contraction to climb up onto my bed and really get this show on the road. When I get a look at myself in the full length mirror near my dresser I have a chance to catch my breath. My taught belly has noticeably dropped, basically screaming to the world what was about to happen. I'm flushed and sweaty and my wet hair is still sticking to my forehead. I’m all out of sorts, but I couldn't care one bit what I look like right now. Baby couldn't care less either. That telltale tightening grips me again, and when it begs for me to push along with it, I deepen my stance into a half-squat and bare down.

It almost feels… good? It's a very odd sensation but it feels like such a release to finally get to work with the pressure instead of against it. Two firm pushes in front of the mirror and I decided my bed was there if I needed it. Instead, I swipe a training pad from the package and lay it down on the floor in front of the mirror before stepping onto it. And I wait. At this point I'm so eager to push it’s hard to focus on anything else. I slowly lower myself down to be half kneeling, one foot propped up to let my hips open. I suck in a deep breath, and just like that I'm stuck in a contraction and pushing so hard I see my face go red. Exhale, inhale, push like hell. So it goes.

It only takes a few good pushes to feel something hard and very noticeably large lodged in my birth canal. Between pushes one of my hands dips down and curiously prods at my lips. I don't know what I was expecting to feel, she’s definitely not there yet, but nevertheless I’m a lot more sensitive than usual. I feel perpetually slick now considering I've been leaking little by little for the last hour and a half. But that's not just it. The past twelve hours have been the most in-tune I've ever felt with my body, like we’re finally working towards the same goal of giving birth to my daughter safely and calmly. The excitement and the love mixed with the fullness of her head moving downward almost became ecstasy. One accidental brush to my sensitive clit and I'm shivering. The sudden rush of pleasure triggers a contraction and I weakly push through it. Once the contraction ends my fingers slip into my birth canal. I was disappointed for a moment when I didn't feel anything.

Until I did. About two and a half knuckles deep, there was the hard, slimy ball I had been working down for the past twelve hours.

Oh my fucking god, that’s my baby.

I was awestruck. Just allowing the pads of my middle and ring fingers to press against her head was enough to have me grinning like an idiot.

Returning my hand to its place on my knee, I bore down again with the upcoming contraction. This time a low groan escapes my throat and I find myself leaning forward just the slightest bit. Looking in the mirror, I become fixated on the bulge forming behind my lips. I'm leaking fluid considerably now, and I'm grunting out little pushes when I swear I see a dark sliver start to part my folds. I only saw it for a split second. My hand dips between my legs once more and I press a finger into my lips. Sure enough, just out of sight rests my baby’s head. The quick progress I made surprises me, and I let out a breathy laugh as I trace my fingers back up to my dick. The warm tingling in my belly when I rub a few experimental circles into the swollen nub quickly melts my grunts into soft moans. My breath quickens. I was expecting this to be horribly painful, yet here I am moaning with the next contraction. All I can focus on in the mirror is the sight of my lips parting for my baby’s head. I moan through the stretch of my perineum, letting my pleasure bring me higher as I watch my lips pull out into a teardrop shape.

My rubbing has found a steady pace, and my hips buck a bit. I'm close, I can tell, and I feel the head continue to push my lips open. That burn is starting to set in. Another firm push.

I almost yelp when the head stretches me to a full crown, but I find myself so awestruck by the sight that I fail to make any noise at all. My rubbing continues as there the head stays. The burn is searing. Until finally, the release of my orgasm carries me blissfully as the head surges forward with a gush.

I kneel there for a moment, legs shaking and eyes fluttering, as I process what just happened. The aftershocks distract me through the next contraction, giving me time to gather myself. I can see it in the mirror, my baby’s head hanging out of me as it's supported in my hands. A sob rips from my throat as my fingers wander, feeling her tiny ears and nose.

“Oooh-kaaaaay.” I breathe, shaking off the numb tingly feeling that accompanied my orgasm. My fingers fumble around the baby’s neck, quickly untangling the umbilical cord and pulling over her head.

After lifting myself up to standing, the short few steps that should have been my journey to my bed became a quest. I knew I had no chance of closing my legs at this point, so it's a slow shuffle making my way over with shaky legs and a hand between them to support my baby. Climbing up onto the mattress isn't much easier, but I eventually manage to sit up against my pillows, legs butterflied out. From there I wait.

“Come on, kiddo.” I encourage. “I’m ready, you can come out now.” I wiggle my hips and give a tiny push, trying to get her to turn.

Once she does, I'm all in. My hands find purchase behind my knees and I pull back, red in the face as I push as hard as I can for the shoulders. The way I'm sitting, I don’t even need the mirror to see. I watch as my swollen lips spread around the first shoulder, then the other with a small spurt of fluid, and then-

I barely have time to catch her as with the last push, the rest of the baby spills out with a gush.

“Oh my god-” I sputter out as I lift the infant to my chest. As soon as she touches my skin, she begins wailing. It's the most beautiful sound I've ever heard. I check her over with wide, misty eyes.

“You are just absolutely perfect, aren't you?”

I giggle at her squirming attempt to get comfortable. So that’s what’s been keeping me up at night.

The ache sets in quickly, and I make quick (quick enough) work of delivering the afterbirth, cutting the cord and making sure we were both cleaned up and warm. Once I'm in a pair of sweatpants and back with her on my bed, I lay her back down on my bare chest, opting for a light blanket to wear cape-style and cover us both. I'm absolutely awestruck.

“Alright, we’ve given your aunts and uncles enough emotional prep time, don't you think?” I say decidedly to the already-sleeping infant as I unlock my phone, quickly finding the “video call” button in the group chat.

I'm grinning like an idiot as three of my friends join the call at lightspeed, the other two following quickly behind.

“Guys, someone wants to meet you!”

[moonxmagix]

Daddy's Girl NSFW

Pairing: Frank Iero x Fem Reader

CW: Age gap, teacher frank, student reader, light smut, daddy issues, soft frank, underage drinking, mentions of the word daddy, def sexual tension

Summary: Frank is your teacher and you two hit it off. Y/N has heavy daddy issues and Frank takes you in. He treats you like what your childhood self deserved, safety and love.

A/N: This is VERY long. I wrote 11 pages on Google Docs so I'm very sorry LMAO. It might be a bit wordy and not super smutty if thats okay. I wanted to write something softer in nature. Also apologize if there are any grammar mistakes. :)

Reblogs appreciated!

~^~^~^~^

As I sat there in an uncomfortable school chair, surrounded by the ghosts of my past, I stared out the window that was covered in rain. The day was gloomy, constant thundering and on and off downpour. I tapped my foot up and down while playing with my bunny keychain as my anxiety washes over me. School always made me anxious and hate myself, constantly feeling at battle with myself and others. 

It was my senior year and I just turned 18, so all I had to do was wait to get out of here. Kinda like prison if you think about it. Our school had uniforms and if anything that was the best  part about this place, not to mention it looked like some old money school for rich kids. Which was funny because a lot of the kids here come from nothing, like me. 

My drug addicted mother raised me semi alone, meaning that she constantly had men in and out of her life. My real father left when I was only a few months old so I never had that strong, protective father figure in my life. I craved someone to love me, hold me tight, whatever fathers do with their daughters. My moms boyfriends that were long term, aka 6 months, would try their best to be there for me but as soon as I got comfortable with them they were gone. 

I tried to stay out of relationships out of fear that the same cycle would happen to me. 

“Y/N? Are you listening?” Mr. Iero said, pulling me out of my daze. My head quickly turned to him, almost embarrassed, “Yes sir, sorry.” He turned back to board, continuing the lesson. Mr. Iero was my english/music teacher, he taught both. The first day I walked into his class I had a massive crush on, like journaling and daydreaming about him crush. I never made advances to him because what would he think?

I can’t get him in trouble and I can’t jeopardize my education for some man. I once again zoned out heavily, staring out the window. I watched as a father checked out his daughter early for school it seems, hugging each other under the umbrella as they smiled together. I sighed, rolling my eyes at the sight. Almost disgusting to me but that's just the jealousy getting to me.

“Y/N? Please pay attention, we have an important test coming up and you can’t miss this,” he sighed, putting a hand on his hip. Everyone turned to stare at me as I got smaller in my seat. When I looked back at everyone else to me they had dark eyes, something evil brewing but also something dead. I know realistically that a lot of the people here never paid attention but were much better at hiding it I think. 

“Please see me at the end of school,” he said and a few people let “Ooo” escape their mouths. Thanks Mr. Iero for embarrassing me. I wanted to hate him for that but another part of my brain desired to have that alone time with him. Even a hug from him would suffice my animalistic hunger for him. Just, “I’m proud of you,” would motivate me for the rest of the year. 

Class was dismissed and I quickly got out of there but he caught my wrist before I could, “Promise me you’ll be here after school. You can’t ditch like the last time.” I nodded and promised him that I would be back. The last time that happened I left out of pure anxiety, I threw up in the hallway on my way to his class. But safe to say this time I could get myself through it. 

I went to my locker to change out books and my best friend Livvy came up to me, “Wanna hang out after school? I wanna get coffee,” she said excitedly. “Maybe, Mr. Iero wants to see me after my last class,” I said, I didn’t want to disappoint her. “Omg again? Did you space out again (nickname)?” she said, lightly punching my arm. 

“Yeah, I just hope it’s quick. If so, I’ll make sure to call you when I’m done,”  I said with a smile. We said our goodbyes as I went to all of my other classes. I watched the clock as it quickly rang, I took a few deep breaths as I prepared myself to see Mr. Iero. I know it couldn’t be that bad but my anxiety tried to convince me otherwise. 

I looked through the glass of the door and saw no one inside so I thought maybe this could be my excuse as to why I didn’t show. “Right on time!” a voice behind me said. It startled me so I turned to see that it was Mr. Iero. I softly smiled as he unlocked the door to let us in. I didn’t see it but I heard him lock the door behind me. 

I stood in front of his desk leaning against a student's desk. He stood in front of me also leaning against his desk. I kept my eyes to the ground for the most part, “Are you okay? You’ve been very quiet and dazed in almost every class,” he said in a soft voice. My tense shoulders relaxed, still not sure how to respond, “You can tell me, Y/N.” He took a couple steps closer. 

“Look at me,” he said in a more demanding tone. I looked at him and he smirked, I wanted to fall to my knees right then and there. He rolled up his sleeves to reveal his tattoos, “I..I’ve just been going through a lot at home,” I said to put it simply. “Sit, let’s talk about it,” he said sitting in the students chair next to me. I sat down hesitantly, I don’t know if he actually cared about me or what. I guess we’ll find out. 

I told him about my mom and everything that I’ve been struggling with. I didn’t outright tell him about my struggles with men and not having a father figure of sorts. But he’s smart, so he could probably piece things together based on  how I answered some of his questions. At the end of my story I let a few tears escape from my eyes, he reached his hand up and gently wiped them. 

He placed his other hand on my knee, rubbing his thumb on it. “You have nothing to worry about with me hun,” he said sweetly, maintaining tense eye contact. He was such a good listener and never interrupted me. “Your secrets are safe with me, I’m so glad you’re finally opening up to me. Since the beginning of the year I’ve had my eye on you, there’s something special about you, Y/N,”  he said, whispering the last sentence. 

He grabbed my hand and held it tightly in his. I felt my face heat up like a thousand suns and my heart rate picked up. I couldn’t help but let a smile form on my face, “That’s my girl. No need to be sad when you’re around me. Hey, I’ll even move your desk closer up to mine, yeah?” I nodded, feeling like such a typical schoolgirl. 

He looked at the clock, “I should probably let you go now. Here,’ he said, handing me a little piece of paper. I pocketed it in my bag and before I left he gave me a big, warm hug. The smell of cigarettes and cologne hit my nostrils, it was a smell so intoxicating that it would stay with me throughout the rest of the day. I left and ran out of there to my house, it downpoured on me though. It made me feel like I was in a movie of sorts, I let the rain fall and drench my uniform and hair.

I ran inside and went straight to my room to text Livvy, it was Friday so I told her to come spend the night with me. I really didn’t want to tell anyone about what happened but she was the only person I could trust with this information, she understood. She literally has a sugar daddy, she has no room to judge me! 

Livvy came over and got settled right in with snacks and cute pajamas. “Tell me everything!” she said excitedly. I giggled, “He asked me if anything was wrong, I avoided but he pried so I spilled everything. And now he’s moving my desk up to his, he touched my leg and hugged me!” We were both laughing and blushing over this. 

“Oh! I think he gave me his number,” I told her, remembering the paper he gave me that I still haven’t opened yet. “Bitch show me!” she said excitedly. I got the paper from my bag and counted down from 3, I opened it and it had his number inside. “Text him now!” she said getting my phone from my nightstand. 

I input his number into my phone, “What do I say though?” I bit my nails. “Something flirty for sure,” she said, taking a sip of her drink. I started to type: hii its Y/N, miss our time together already xo 

“Bitch that's good!! He’s bound to fall in love with you now,” she joked. 

Hours went by without checking my phone and it was around 8pm. I checked my phone during our movie and he asked to call me, I sat up straight with my eyes wide. “He wants to call,” I said suddenly. “Oh shit! I’ll turn the tv down and I’ll stay quiet,” she shushed herself. 

I gave the phone a ring and he picked it up almost instantly, I put it on speaker phone. 

Frank: Doing okay? 

Me: yeah, thanks for letting me vent. Made me feel a lot better 

Frank: I’m glad, honey. 

Livvy looked at me with shock, “Honey?!” she mouthed covering it with her hand. 

Frank: Um, I wanted to ask if you wanna hang out tomorrow? You don't have-

Me: Yes. I’d love to! 

Frank: What time are you free then?

Me: Umm maybe around 12?

Frank: Sounds like a date then

We both hung up and we’re screaming with joy, I never thought this day would come. Hanging out with a teacher outside of school? Is that legal? I couldn’t back out now, my fate was decided. “What am I gonna wear?” I said, asking Livvy for help. She’s always been the cooler one in terms of fashion, so I can trust her to dress me. 

~^~^~^~^

It was 10 am and I had just the right amount of time to get ready. I checked my phone and he said he’d be picking me up at my place. Livvy left already and I sat down in front of my floor length mirror and put on light makeup. I got dressed in a black skirt, sheer black leggings, doc martens, and a white and black striped sweater. 

The clock finally turned 12 and I looked out my window to not see a car yet. I sighed with relief because in reality I definitely didn't feel ready. I checked my phone and Mr. Iero said he would be there in 5. I went ahead and stood out front to wait for him. 

His car pulled up and he got out to greet me, “Wow, you look great!” he said with a smile. He had on sunglasses and chewed his gum kinda obnoxiously but hot. He gave me a big hug and opened the door for me, his car was super clean surprisingly. “Where are we going?” I ask timidly. 

“Downtown, get some coffee and donuts,” he smiled, placing his hand on my thigh. “How’d you know where my house was?” I asked. “Teachers have access to those kinds of things,” I just nodded in response staring out the window. It was pretty cloudy and I was kinda hoping it’d rain. 

We got to the coffee  place downtown, “This is my special spot, for a special girl,” he smirked. I felt my stomach overfill with butterflies and a sparked joy I didn’t know I could feel around  somebody. He got out the umbrella and interlocked arms with me, I looked at him with such content but confusion. I felt like I didn’t deserve any of this, none of the kindness, none of the listening, nothing. 

He told me to sit down at a booth while he ordered us stuff. I texted Livvy while sitting there: 

Me: Liv i think im in love no joke 

Liv: i would be too 

Me: were getting coffee rn ill update soon 

He came back and sat a delicious smelling coffee in front of me, “Thank you Mr. Iero,” I said. “Call me Frank, no need for that outside of school,” he said, he grabbed my hand that was on top of the table. I looked at him, blushing hard, what if someone saw us? 

We talked about the things we both liked and hated, we actually had a lot in common. “You like Elvis?!” he said, shocked. “Yeah and?! It’s a comfort thing,” I defended. “Explain,” he said, taking a sip of his coffee. “Sometimes when my mom was out I’d spend the night with my grandfather and in the morning while cooking breakfast he’d play Elvis,”  I said, reminiscing when I actually had a somewhat stable relationship with a man. 

I think Frank noticed my mood diminish into something solemn. “Let's grab those donuts, I have somewhere else I wanna show you,” he said, grabbing my hand. He showed me off proudly, it felt like he was telling everyone around him to look at me but not in the way I’m used to. He put his mouth close to my ear, “We’ll have to share a donut, they’re almost out of everything,” he said, placing a kiss on my cheek. 

We walked under the umbrella together as we started to share the donut, “Don’t lift a finger princess,” he said while holding the donut up to my mouth. He basically gave me the whole thing while he only had a couple bites. “Why do you treat me like this?” I asked him, curious as to why he is so fond of treating me like…a girlfriend? 

“I think you deserve it, Y/N. I’ll explain more later,” he said with such sincerity, gripping my hand tighter. Was this going to be a whole day affair? My mom hasn’t been home for a few days so I didn’t feel the need to tell her where I was, it wasn’t like she was answering my messages anyway!

“What’s wrong hun?” he said, taking down the umbrella as the rain had stopped and the sun came out. “My mom hasn't answered my messages, it's been days,” I said, a little disappointed. “I’ll look after you, don't worry about it,” he said as we showed up to a record store. I gasped as I could never afford to buy my own records, it felt like a dream. 

We went inside and looked around, I looked around for a ‘The Cure’ album. As I kept looking I felt a body press up behind me and place their arms around my waist and a head on my shoulder. He placed soft kisses on my neck causing me to giggle, I felt him do the same in my neck. “Find what you need?” he asked. “Yeah, did you?” his hands were empty. “Yeah,” he smiled playfully like he was up to something but not sure what. 

“Bullshit. You need to get something or else I’ll feel bad that you spent all your money on me,” I said feeling slight guilt about him buying things for me. “I have you, that’s all I need,” he said, pulling me to the register and pulls out his card faster than I can reach for my purse zipper. 

He handed me the bag of my records and we left. We didn’t do anything much except go thrifting and it was already 7 PM. “I have one place left to go,” he smiled, pulling out of the spot. “I feel like we’ve been everywhere already,” I said, whining. “Be a good girl and don’t whine for me, okay?” that immediately put me in my place and I complied. I could see a smirk on his face, he knew what he did to me. 

I heard a song on the radio that I liked and immediately turned it up, it was You Get Me So High by The Neighbourhood. “You like them?” he asked. “Love them! I’ve seen them in concert  twice already,” I said proudly. Livvy knew I couldn’t afford it but she ever so kindly  bought them for me. 

After a short drive we made it to our destination, a bar. It was quite crowded, I wasn't even old enough to drink yet. I looked at him worried, “I’m not 21..” I said. “I can get you in darling, don’t worry,” he said reassuringly. I trusted him but I tightened my lips anxiously. He was able to get me in because he was close friends with the guy at the front. 

We got in and the music was at a comfortably loud volume. He dragged me to the bar and ordered me a drink but I couldn’t tell you what it was. Tasted great though! 

I downed a couple drinks and I basically became a melting mess in Frank's hands. I held onto  him for dear life like someone was trying to pull me away from him. I dragged him outside for a cigarette break, I pulled them out of bag and I forgot my lighter, “I forgot my fuckin lighter.” He laughed at my tone and lit my cigarette for me. 

We stood inches apart, he held my waist with his tattooed hand. I took a huff of my cig and blew it in his face, “Naughty girl,” he chuckled. He pulled me in to kiss him and our lips collided. The taste of cigarettes and alcohol mixed perfectly with each other. I wrapped my arms around his neck, not wanting to release. 

I shared my cigarette with him and he whispered in my ear, “How about you come over to my place for the night?” My heart was beating out of its chest, “Are you sure that's okay? I would need to get my stuff at home,” I said. “We can stop by your place first baby, I do have a few room-mates if that’s okay,” he said looking away embarrassed. “More the merrier!” I joked. 

We drove back to my place and I led him up to my room, he sat on my bed and I packed up a couple things. I turned around putting my hands on my hips, “All packed,” I smiled. He patted his hand insinuating for me to sit on his lap, so I did. I wrapped my arms around his neck, “My pretty girl,” he whispered while pushing my hair out of my face. 

“I really don’t understand why you like me, Frank,” I said, that feeling of undeservingness washing over me. “Look at you Y/N!. What is there not to like about you? We have so much in common and I can’t get over how beautiful you are,” I need all the reassurance I can get. What if he leaves me? Would another man treat me like Frank does? 

“Do you promise not to leave?” I asked tearfully. “What? Of course I do, Y/N. How could I do that to you sweetheart?” he said, hugging me tightly. “We should get going,” he said softly. I nodded and he grabbed my bags for me as we walked back to the car. 

We got to Frank's place and it was dimly lit, it smelled of cigarettes and expensive musky candles. I saw band equipment set up, “What’s all this?” I asked. “Oh, me and my friends do gigs on the side,” he chuckled as we walked to the kitchen. A timid man turned around to greet us, he gave Frank a hug and gave me a handshake. Firmly. 

“Nice to meet you,” I said shyly. “Franks said a lot about you, nice to meet you,” he smiled kindly and I furrowed my brows a little confused. He talks about me? What did he say? More  questions to be answered. 

Frank hurried me to his room, it was spacious and had a few of his guitars displayed on the walls. He disappeared for a second and brought back a shirt and pajama pants of his, “Put these on,” I took them. I went into the bathroom bringing my toiletries along with me. I changed into his oversized clothes and  washed my face. 

I brought out my phone and snapped a pic of me in the mirror sending it to Livvy. She replied almost instantly: not you going home with him !! be safe !! she replied.

I went back out and put my other clothes back in my bag, “You have such a nice room,” I complimented. “Biggest one in the house,” he brags. I hadn’t noticed before but he turned the radio on and it was on a classic rock station. The room was filled with cigarette smoke and incense. Lamps created the perfect sensual ambience. 

I laid my head on his soft pillows and Frank hovered over me, caressing my face with his hand. Something came over me, my eyes filled with tears and escaped the corner of my eyes. “What’s wrong princess?” he said, worried. I shook my head, sobbing. Never was I good enough to ever receive a love like this before. Here I had it. 

“Tell daddy what’s wrong princess,” that broke me. I couldn’t tell if I was imagining all of this or if it was some sick joke. I straddled his lap, crying into his shoulder. His hand rubbed up and down my back sensually. “I’ve never felt such an overwhelming amount of love and adoration from a man before,” I stated plainly. 

He asked me to talk about it so I did. I told him about the men this time, while I did we drank. It got to the point where I only started seeing flashes of my surroundings. One minute I was taking off my clothes, then I was sitting on top of Frank, then throwing my head back and moaning. 

I remember seeing Frank go down on me and him forcing my legs open as I was ready to release on his face. Flashes of Frank saying things like, “You're daddy’s good girl…I’ll never hurt you…you’re safe with me…shh you’re okay sweetheart.” His voice vibrated through my skin. 

Soon enough I passed out, naked and covered up by the warm sheets. I woke up groggy and still a little drunk around 3 am and had my clothes put back on. I groaned and didn’t see Frank in bed with me but playing guitar across the room. “Frank?” I said, rubbing my eyes. He immediately rushed to my side to comfort me, “Are you okay princess?” he said. 

I nodded, “Could you get me some water?” I asked because my voice was hoarse. He brought back water to me and I downed it as fast as I could. He got into bed with me and I cuddled up at his side, holding on for life. 

I grabbed Frank's face pressing our lips together, I longed for his kiss and his desire. He pulled away and cupped my face, “If you were my little girl, I’d do whatever I could do for you,” he said softly. “I am,” I stated so desperately wanting him to take me in, live with him, devote my life to him. “I’d even run away and hide with you if I could. You’re daddy’s girl,” he said pulling me into his chest. 

To be safe and sound in his heart forever. 

[your-queer-dad]

Ok, here I go!

About a year and a half ago, I became completely obsessed with space (I even wanted to be an astronaut and/or astronomer, hehe). I would spend hours and hours watching documentaries and series about it, and it was literally the only thing I could talk about. Time passed, and I've had other obsessions since then, but I still always seize any opportunity to explain random and usually useless facts about space (which are only useful in very specific situations), thanks to the obsession of my 10/11-year-old self. Since my friends didn't want to listen (they better not dare ask me for help with science), I'm going to share what I’ve already mentioned and continue from there:

Did you know that the Sun is a giant nuclear fusion reactor?

Nuclear fusion is when the nuclei of atoms merge, creating an exponential amount of energy!

Stars convert deuterium (a type of hydrogen) into helium-3.

Humans haven't yet managed to achieve nuclear fusion because it requires a huge amount of energy to bring atoms together.

What we do with atomic bombs and nuclear reactors is nuclear fission.

Fission is breaking the nucleus of the atom, causing a chain reaction where everything breaks apart.

In reactors, this is controlled.

But in a bomb, it's deliberately left out of control.

That's also why stars die.

Their fuel isn't infinite.

And when it runs out, stars start fusing helium atoms, which reduces their size; this is the case for stars with less than four times the mass of the Sun.

Stars with more than four times the mass of the Sun either become supernovas (a cosmic explosion that leaves a nebula behind) or black holes—I think.

Scientists estimate that about 1/4 (I think) of all stars have planets, and among those, 1/4 should be in the habitable zone! This means it's unlikely that we're alone in the universe.

The habitable zone is the orbit around a star that provides the right temperature to support life.

This reminds me that they've found two planets orbiting a pulsar! They're extremely radioactive and can't support life, but it's interesting because they couldn’t have formed there!!!!

Pulsars or neutron stars are super dense stars (a tablespoon could pierce through Earth!!!), and I don't remember exactly how they're formed. It has something to do with stellar death. I'll come back and add that information later!

Have you heard of Betelgeuse? It's a star not too far away (far enough, don't worry, we're not in danger) that's on the brink of a supernova and would be visible from Earth! HOW COOL IS THAT?

We can also talk about stellar color and what it says about their temperature!

Contrary to popular belief, blue is the hottest star color (DON'T DARE), and red is the coolest! The Sun is in the middle, being a yellow star (I think), with a surface temperature of 5000°C!!! Just to give you an idea, the melting point of carbon is 3550°C and the boiling point is 4287°C. So, you wouldn't burn on the Sun's surface; you'd evaporate. Of course, that's if you even made it there in one piece, which you wouldn't.

-Leo

Hey kiddo, these facts are amazing!!!!!!!!! I feel so educated!!!!! If you have any more, feel free to send em my way I'd love to hear em! You're so smart and I'm so incredibly proud of you! 🫂🫂

- dad x

[thatonebirdwrites]

Fandom creators tag game

1. What sort of content do you create, and what is the thing you’ve made that you’re most proud of?

I write stories. Usually original science fiction, but in the past two years, I've branched into fanfiction. I also create art and music.

I'm damn proud of my rewrite of Book 2 of Legend of Korra in my Shared Moments series.

I wish I could find a publisher for my original fiction; then I could share what I'm most proud of but alas. The publishing market is incredibly hard to get into and I don't have the health to self-publish, so we'll go with the Korrasami tales for now. For art, I'm damn proud of this piece I did of Lena.

2. What fandom(s) do you create for?

Korrasami from Legend of Korra.

Supercorp from CW's Supergirl

Rojarias from CW's Supergirl.

3. What is your current favourite ship (or brotp if you prefer), and how controversial is it?

Korrasami. Not controversial much at all. (As a side note, Supercorp feels like an angstier Korrasami. Might be why I like that ship equally well. Supercorp doesn't seem controversial?)

4. For your answer to question 3, are they canon?

Yes, Korrasami is canon. (Supercorp isn't necessarily canon, but there's so much evidence of it in the show that it might as well be.)

5. What was your first fandom, and how old were you?

First fandom I created something for? Or first fandom where I dived into and read everything I could? Because if it's read everything I could, then it's Star Wars before Disney threw out the old Canon (still salty about that). I'd have been pretty young -- still a kid when I was devouring all the Star Wars books. I didn't have any favorite ship though while I did this.

For something I created, Korrasami was the first one I wanted to create art and writing for to be honest. That was three years ago when I started writing Korrasami.

6. What is your most unhinged fandom creation to date?

Oh, that's a Supercorp one. I was inspired by a weird camera glitch, and wrote an unhinged horror set after season 6. The first part of it is in tumblr. I have yet to publish to AO3 mostly because I want to finish more of it before I do. Sort of loosely based on Lovecraft's Color out of Space.

7. Do you remember what started you off creating fandom content, and if so, what was it?

Three years ago I first started drawing and writing Korrasami. Then I branched out into Supercorp.

8. Do you let people you know in real life see your fandom creations?

Only my trusted friends and siblings.

9. How do you feel about fanworks of fanworks? Has anyone ever made something based on a thing you made?

If anyone did, they have never shared it with me. I would love to see it, and I'd treasure it always!

Though if I'm being honest. I doubt I'll ever get fanworks. Why would anyone go to that much trouble for something I wrote? I doubt anything I write is worth that much.

10. What feeling do you most often try to evoke with your creations?

I want to show possible healing journeys that aren't the most painful angstfest known to humanity. I want people to feel the journey too, to capture the world within the character's senses so that their tale feels real.

Whether I achieve this, I have no idea. Some people have written very kind comments stating that I have, and I am delighted by those comments.

11. Has someone ever paid your work a compliment (in any form) that has stuck with you, and what was it?

Two people have said I made a place feel alive through the storytelling and worldbuilding I did. That compliment haunts me in all the best ways, and I have done my best to try to keep that tradition going.

12. What’s your favourite thing someone else has made that you’ve seen in the last 24 hours (and link it if you can find it again!)

It was a Supercorp art piece, but after searching, I can't seem to find it again. It was Lena leaning backwards into Kara's arms, while Kara gently holds her. Colored piece, digitally drawn I think. They look almost like they were swaying back and forth.

13. Give a small sneak preview of something you’re working on right now (eg a couple of sentences of fic from a WIP, a gif set theme, a small piece of a larger picture, whatever you feel happy to share)

Korrasami:

Korra looked at their entangled hands. “Yeah, yeah, it’s just some stitching.”

“And yet, that ‘some stitching’ made something wonderful.” Asami was determined to remind Korra of what she could do. It’d been her mantra for the past six months. She wanted Korra to regain her confidence, but it'd been difficult. Thanks to Asami's foolishness they'd both backslid.

Korra had called it Asami’s paranoia.

Maybe they were both right.

Supercorp:

Lena rises before dawn, prepares her corporate armor, and heads to her full-time job as CEO of L-Corp. Today’s agenda includes four meetings, one of them with the board, an hour of lab time, a brief lunch, and a visit to Florence in late afternoon.

It’s the visit with Florence that troubles her the most. The exposure to the strange artifact gave her unsettling dreams, and she woke in a cold sweat after a particularly gruesome one. In that one, she’d had no control over her body, only watched in horror as another person used her abilities to harm all she loved.

Kara had woken too, and her gentle reassurances had helped Lena fall back asleep, this time with no dreams.

Diving into work to escape the nightmares is how she copes. Perhaps not the healthiest, but undoing all her bad coping mechanisms will take far longer than just admitting they exist.

Rojarias:

Tomorrow morning? Sam reeled from the news. That gave her very little time to pack and prepare Ruby for Sam being gone a week or two.

Yet here she was again, unable to say no. Especially not when two beautiful women were looking at her expectantly.

Damn, Sam was too gay for this. “All right. Tomorrow it is.”

14. Have you ever seen/read anything made by the person who tagged you? If so, what was it and what was your favourite thing about it? (pick a favourite if there are several)

Yes, I have. I'm not entirely sure what exactly they published on AO3 however. I found the tiny Kara piece absolutely hilarious.

15. Do you leave comments on fandom works, and if so how would you describe your comment style?

I do leave comments, yes. I share my enjoyment of the piece, sections that really stood out to me, and/or an overall feeling I got from the piece. I'm trying to be more consistent about it since I know how much comments mean to me as a writer, and I know other writers enjoy them too!

16. How many works in progress do you currently have? Will you finish them all?

Original fiction: (on hiatus but I do plan on finishing) 3

Korrasami: 2 (plan on finishing them, yes).

Supercorp: 3 (yes, plan on finishing them.)

Rojarias: 1 (yes, I need to get on this as it's due next month actually).

Art for Supercorp: 1 (I also need to work on finishing this before the due date next month. I got the rough sketch and need to run it by the author to make sure it's what they want, before I go to town inking it).

17. what’s the longest it’s ever taken you to finish a fandom project?

Shared Moments: Books 1 through 3 (the finished ones) took me a year. A million words no less. Whew. I'm working on Book 3.5 now. I tend toward longer works, which takes a few months to complete.

My shorter fiction (the ficlets) take less than an hour usually.

For art, it takes me one to three weeks.

18. Describe the thing you made most recently in a way that is technically true, but also completely misleading. Link the thing if it’s published!

These paralleled kisses shake their world. (A chapter for Unraveling Realities)

19. Do you ever engage with fanworks for a fandom you’re not in? Which one(s) and how did you get into it?

I'm not really sure what counts as being "in" a fandom or not. If I enjoy something, I'll engage with it, but does the engagement mean I'm "in" the fandom now? Or do I have to create something and talk with others in the fandom to be considered "in?" How does this work?

20. Recommend a fan work from your fandom to your followers

I absolutely adore Make this your home by pcrtifacts so much I even made fanart for it. It's not finished, but it's regularly updated and so, so good.

Suggested tag list, but there are no rules here, follow your heart.

A mutual you have never actually spoken to but think seems cool -- All my mutuals are really cool! And I'd love to read more of their stuff. Thanks all of you for sharing your stuff!!

The most recent person whose content you engaged with (eg read a fic, reblogged art, whatever form you feel best fits) -- I'm not sure? Maybe the person I reblogged this from?

Someone whose content you saw via tags/reblogs and you followed them because of it @luthordamnvers (I honestly love the indepth knowledge of the show nic has, how willing to share that knowledge, nic's kindness, the fics they write. Honestly, all around wonderful person.)

Someone in your fandom that you think makes cool things @ekingston (Shape of Soup being my favorite plus the art is amazing.)

Someone in a different fandom that you think makes cool things (this is hard. I really only seem to follow or find Korrasami, Supercorp, and on rarer occasions Rojarias or Dansen. There's some Star Wars folks that do fun things, but I can't remember their usernames tho.)

Someone you always tag on things like this @nottawriter

Someone you have never tagged before (I can't remember who I tagged before, so I guess whoever wants to play this game?)

Someone you would like to get to know better @pcrtifacts (love, love their make this place your home fic. And chatting in comments with pcrtifacts has been lovely.)

Someone who makes art you like -- @snazzy-korra (honestly, she's an all around amazing person, and Iove all her art and chatting with her. So grateful for our chats too.)

Someone who writes fics you like: @fazedlight (I seriously love everything mel writes. It's all so damn good. I even wrote a fanfic continuation of a piece I really liked of mel's ficlets. First and only time I've ever done that.)

I suspect some of these people have been tagged multiple times. My apologies if so. But I did want y'all to know how you're appreciated and how much I enjoy your content too. :)

[charmquarkstrangequark]

Lucy Carlyle: Impact of her Early Life

As part of the general Lockwood & Co Brainrot that I suffer from, I spend a lot of time thinking about the characters, their motivations, and what they words and actions reveal about themselves, and have been wanting to make some posts about their characterization. Disclaimer: I have exactly zero qualifications to make these assumptions.

Obviously, Book!Lucy and Show!Lucy have some differences. I think Book!Lucy keeps a lot more to herself, but as she's the narrator, we get to know what she's thinking from the inside. Also, there's been some discussion about whether Lucy is an "unreliable narrator" (I have even referred to her that way myself), but it may be more due to how our perception of events is colored by our own emotions and memories. Lucy is, I think, big on self-denial, at least when it comes to admitting her emotions and weaknesses to herself and others. She often relates events that must have had a deep influence on her persona without outright stating how these events shaped her. This is directly due to her early life and experiences.

So what do we know about her early life? She was born to a working class family in a small town in North England ("slate roofs and stone walls"), and Lucy mentions she never remembers her father (who died when she was 6) ever calling her by name. Imagine your parent never actually saying your name; how insignificant would you feel? Both Lucy's parents in the books were big on physical punishment for her and her 6 older sisters; other than punishing them, the girls were mostly ignored. Lucy mentions that her Talent first became known to others when she was 6 years old (incidentally the same age at which Lockwood's appeared), although she later says she can remember hearing voices whispering in the streets after curfew as a "kid in my crib". Her mother waited impatiently until she was 8, old enough to be pulled out of school and employed at Jacobs & Co. Again, her only value is as a source of income.

Book!Lucy was proud to be an agent, but it seems her employer, Jacobs, should not have held the position he did. He was, apparently, the only researcher in his Agency, and he did a piss poor job of it judging by the number of child agents who die on his watch. However, even he could see Lucy's extraordinary Talent, and she is promoted twice as fast her peers, achieving her third grade by age 11. This doesn't, however, seem to add to her self-esteem in any appreciable way. She obviously cared deeply for her fellow agents; she describes spending all of her free time with them and rarely seeing her family. Their loss would have to have affected her deeply. But after listing their names, she says, simply, "They're all dead now."

She characterizes herself as unattractive (a clear departure from Show!Lucy played by the undeniably gorgeous Ruby Stokes). Lucy mentions, "as my mother once said, "Prettiness wasn't my profession." She also states that she was quick on her feet but not especially skilled with a rapier. It may be possible that Lucy is prettier than she realizes, or that she has charisma or grows into her looks; she certainly catches the attention of her subsequent employer, Lockwood.

So how does her childhood experience shape Lucy? She underestimates herself and her skills. She sees mostly her own weaknesses and deficiencies. This shouldn't be unexpected when she has grown up with no one who values her for anything except a powerful Talent and a possible source of income. Her self-doubt causes her to be critical of others, looking to see if they are better than how she perceives herself, or if she is the stronger candidate in any area. Being rejected by her father and mother as a young child, and by six agencies in seven days upon arriving in London can't help. She also has a deep desire to be loved and valued (who wouldn't?). As she's only around 13 when she sneaks away from home to go to London, I think her reactions and insecurities are very believable.

Lucy is an exceptional Listener; even she is willing to admit that. It means that she lives in a strange kind of reality, always responding to a wealth of input that isn't readily available to anyone else. But she doubts her own ability to make the right choice based on the information she has. She blames herself for not picking up anything concrete to prevent the deaths of her teammates at Wythburn Mill.

She describes herself as taking orders well and working well as part of a team, but this really underscores her doubts in her ability to choose correctly in dangerous situations. Even her initial outburst with George is fueled by embarrassment rather than self-confidence. Early in the books, she is reluctant to challenge Lockwood on anything in the field, and unable to see where others respect or admire her. These insecurities will cause her to raise Lockwood up on a pedestal and look down on George. Perhaps she sees in George aspects of herself she doesn't like, or prefers Lockwood's aloof treatment of difficult subjects over George's razor sharp wit and perceptiveness.

She's a complex and relatable character, both brave in battle and insecure in her relationships. She desperately wants love and acceptance, but can't offer either to herself. She's only sure of her Talent, and because of this, is drawn to cross the veil of life to engage and empathize with the dead rather than take the risk of fully immersing herself in life. These traits will fuel her exponential growth in her abilities, but also put herself and those she loves at risk, until she is able to finally accept herself for who she is: strong, weak, brave, Talented, perceptive, afraid and also very capable, loving, and loveable, and loved.

[the-autistic-cat-queen]

My thoughts and feelings. 11/09/2024

I've never really been one for writing a journal or a diary. In fact I find it extremely difficult to get my thoughts and feelings out. I did used to make long Facebook posts, so I guess that's kind of the same thing. The only difference being is, they were for just people I knew and they were normally just updates on my life rather than updates on my actual feelings.

For what ever reason I've always struggled to get out my words, I mean to be fair I've always struggled with words in general because I'm dyslexic. But more recently since getting diagnosed with a neurological condition, it's made expressing myself so much harder.

No doubt as I'm typing this I'll mess up my words and say the wrong things. Growing up was never easy for me, my dad always wanted me to read things out loud, in fact he specifically wanted me and my siblings to read words from the bible. Problem was the book never made much sense, if at all. It would go on about this person was the son of this person, and it would be a list of names that most people would struggle with, let alone the 6 year old that I was at the time.

My brother and sister always seemed to manage just fine, but me, I would get stuck on each and every word before bursting into tears.

My dad would then shout at me and call me backwards. He would then make my brother and sister read my parts which would then make them feel annoyed or maybe resentful towards me. (Or at least that's how it felt at the time). It's was so long ago now that I can barely remember. But for whatever reason it's always stuck in my head that my dad thought I was stupid, that I was slow, and that I was backwards as he would word it.

I now know that it was because I'm dyslexic / autistic.

In fact it wasn't until after I left school that I learnt to read probably. My teachers at the time used to say I was lazy.

So between being called lazy and being called backwards, I honestly had low self esteem. There was many other factors to why I didn't think highly of myself, but I'll not go into them today.

I'm now almost 45 and in that time I've only ever been able to hold down one real job which only lasted just over a year from the age of 16 to 17.

I don't know what it is but I find it extremely difficult to work in social situations / environments.

Anyway for whatever reason I always seemed to struggle to get how I'm feeling across to others, as I often explain things completely different to how I want people to understand.

I don't know, sometimes I wonder if my dad was right, maybe I am backwards.

But then, just as I think these feelings, or in this case type them, I know deep down that not true, I'm actually quite an intelligent person, I just really struggle with how to articulate myself, how to get my ideas and thoughts out.

I don't know what it is, but the more I try and explain myself to people the more it seems I make the situation worse.

Take tonight for example, I have this most amazing friend in the world, she is so caring, so loving, and she always tries her best to see her friends happy, well tonight I tired to explain something to her but instead of making her understand, I think I just made her more confused / frustrated, which then lead to her feeling overwhelmed.

You see she is autistic too, in fact like myself she has also been finding things increasingly difficult. If you happen to be reading this, you know who you are and I love you with all my heart. You are amazing and I'm incredibly proud of you. I probably don't tell you that enough, but I am, I'm really proud of you.

See I'm trying to be brave by posting my feelings. It's only because of you that I'm even able to do this. You inspire me.

Anyway back to where I was, I really struggle with communication, I always have done, and I likey always will. Who knows maybe that's just something I'll need to learn to accept.

I just wish I knew what to say to make everyone happy, to make people realise they deserve happiness, that they deserve to be loved.

It was my mum's birthday the other day, yet I wasn't able to wish her happy birthday. You see long story short my parents disowned me many years ago. They did this because they were extremely religious, and, well I'm not religious at all anymore.

Anyway we can cover that some other time, I guess I'm just really struggling at the moment and I guess I wish I was able to express my feelings better.

I guess you could say in not so many words.

Being autistic is like trying to baptise a cat, you know it's never going to be easy. - NH

Edit: After reading over this about 10 times and also getting my partner (who is also dyslexic) to read it too, I think I've managed to remove / edit most of the typos out. 💜

[authoralexharvey]

INTERVIEW WITH A WRITEBLR — @nanashi23

Who You Are:

Eon || They/them

I am an ancient hermit living in the suburban deserts of Colorado. Before becoming a hermit, I've did time in the publishing industry, but mostly greasing wheels, not the fun stuff.

What You Write:

What genres do you write in? What age ranges do you write for?

Action, adventure, comedy, contemporary, drama, fantasy, horror, paranormal, psychological, sci-fi, thriller, and tragedy. New adult and adult.

What genre would you write in for the rest of your life, if you could? What about that genre appeals to you?

Science and Speculative fiction. As a queer person in the ADHD propaganda generation, something needs to remind people there is still hope, anger and passion in the world and that experiences cannot be commodified.

What genre/s will you not write unless you HAVE to? What about that genre turns you off?

Mystery, because I just feel like I am not smart enough to make it mysterious. YA because I'm not sure how. Younger children's books because… I like to say fuck. : )

Who is your target audience? Do you think anyone outside of that would get anything out of your works?

Lost, lonely, angry people who like space queers and the occasional jackass. Yes, I think people will get it, especially if they just walk in expecting a good time and not a world shaking adventure.

What kind of themes do you tend to focus on? What kinds of tropes? What about them appeals to you?

Apparently hope? The more I read my own writing the more I realize I write about 9/11, culture wars, fighting against an enemy everyone thinks is dead because 'you won' some arbitrary battle. Tropes are hard for me because I am old. Disaster duos are my favorite one that I can say for sure.

What themes or tropes can you not stand? What about them turn you off?

Very little turns me off - especially if done with taste.

What are you currently working on? How long have you been working on it?

Second book of what might end up being a trilogy. Book is called Starrender, coupled to Silvermoon. I started writing it in 2021. Book 2 I started in May of 2022.

Why do you write? What keeps you writing?

Creativity is compulsory, is my understanding of it. "I just work here," is how I describe it to other writers. I wish I could explain, but for me it's… therapy, escape, fun, joy. What keeps me writing? Me.

How long have you been writing? What do you think first drew you to it?

This is a hard question because I have written as long as I can remember. What first drew me too it? See the above answer. Creativity feels compulsory. I have hyperfantasia, my day dreams are vivid, strong and indulgent.

Where do you get your inspiration from? Is that how you got your inspiration for your current project? If not, where did the inspiration come from?

The easiest answer to this is dreams. My current set started as a dream and was fleshed out with my co-author. Something brand new, shiny. It's evolved a lot beyond that, especially since that dream was from 2013. Other inspiration comes from spite, I suppose? Did I write a trans wizard novel for obvious reasons? Yes. I still haven't made peace with that decision though, I wish I had spent that year working on something I loved more.

What work of yours are you most proud of? Why?

The one I'm publishing in March 2023 - Terms of Light. Above all other things, I feel like it's a love letter to myself and to my spouse. It took me so long to find what home should feel like and I think this really embodies that journey.

Have you published anything? Do you want to?

Yes - and yes. Self published Terms of Light (March 2023). I have been querying and trying to hook an agent since 2013 - no luck so far.

What part of the publishing process most appeals to you? What part least appeals to you?

Trad pub - A marketing team. Self pub - control Both - A physical book in my hands and the ability to hand a book to someone. It's a strange phenomena but when you tell people you have been published and aren't able to hand them a physical book, they get strange. They've done whole studies about it. The perception of something available as free is lesser, even if the content and quality is not. I truly don't care about the money, I care about accessibility to stories that might not make it because they're not "on brand." (Read in 2014, LGBTQ+)

What part of the writing process most appeals to you? What part is least appealing?

Writing is appealing to me. I love it. I hate editing. I don't know why, but much like I dislike revisiting shows, books and other media I've visited before, editing has the same kind of yuck to it. Trying to get over that.

Do you have a writing process? Do you have an ideal setup? Do you write in pure chaos? Talk about your process a bit.

Process is not something I think I would call what I have but… Since most start as a dream, I have a Dream Theater folder. Outline usually comes with the initial brain dump, and by outline I do me, high level, not too detailed vagaries about what's happening, cool things, and notes and thoughts. From there, I wait for a first line to hit me and… write until I'm out of steam. I can usually rock out the first 10 - 14 chapters of something in a month to two months depending on how hot the writing fever is… the middle slog does take it's toll on me. After Draft 1 is done, I force it on some poor alpha reader, and come back in a year when I'm potentially ready to edit it. Editing is it's own thing. I have no process for this, I don't know if I ever will.

Your Thoughts on Writeblr:

How long have you been a writeblr? What inspired you to join the community?

About a year. @winterandwords inspired me, I'm in a Discord server with her and she told me it was "better now."

Shout out some of your favorite writeblrs. How did you find them and what made you want to follow them?

@winterandwords - Because they are an absolute delight. They write everything I've always wanted too and it is a visual and emotional FEAST in my mind. @sergeantnarwhalwrites - That guy rocks, what an encouraging soul! With a great sense of humor. Delightful. No idea how I found them, but glad I did.

What is your favorite part about writeblr?

Interaction!! Even if it's light, it's nice to see some things get notes. I feel less alone, even though I am also able to control my experience a bit more so I'm not inundated with activity.

What do you think writeblr could improve on? How do you think we can go about doing so?

This is a hard one because… short of having more time in everyone's day to read and respond, I don't think things can be improved with what we have.

How do you contribute to the writeblr community? Do you think you could be doing more?

I react, I reblog, I respond when I can. I follow writers that have the same vibe and try and lift them up when I see they may not be doing great. Can I do more? Sure. If I had the emotional energy and time.

What kinds of posts do you most like to interact with?

Writing. Publishing info.

What kind of posts do you most like to make?

Any kind. I'm not particular. I usually do snips, reblogs of fun things as well as writing things, and of course, a little bit of SJW nonsense - because it's Tumblr. Ya gotta.

Finally, anywhere else online we may be able to find you?

Anymore? No where. Twitter disappeared as soon as I started having privacy concerns. I'm building a website but… I'm a slacker ; ). TBC.

[lyranova]

Character/OC Ask Game 💕!

Hiya everyone! To celebrate my blog turning 3 years old I decided to make an ask game for both OC’s and Canon Characters! Feel free to reblog and use if you’d like 🥰! Not all of these are mine, i borrowed some from different online lists!

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1. What is your favorite canon fact about this character?

2. What is your least favorite canon fact about this character?

3. What is your favorite fanon/fandom fact or headcanon about this character?

4. What is your least favorite fanon/fandom fact or headcanon about this character?

5. What is one thing you would change with this character (it can be their appearance, arc, personality, etc;)?

6. If they know their parents, What quality about their parent(s) do they admire? Abhor?

7. Do they wish to be alone? Or have a family one day?

8. Is there a ship that makes the most sense for this character (can be romantic or platonic)?

9. Is there a ship that makes the least sense for this character (can be romantic or platonic)?

10. How do they perceive themselves and their actions?

11. What has been this characters most defining moment? Or have they not had it yet?

12. What one act in this character’s past are they most proud of?

13. What one act in this character’s past are they most ashamed of?

14. What trait do they find most admirable and how often do they find it?

15. Do they think redemption is possible? Why or why not?

16. What goal do they most want to accomplish in their lifetime?

17. What is the one thing for which they would most like to be remembered after their death?

18. What advice would they give to their younger self?

19. What does a perfect world look like to them?

20. Freebie (the asker/requester may ask whatever question they would like)!

[erythromanc3r]

Annual writing self-evaluation

I was tagged by @pipergirl17 (and I'm so glad she did - thank you, friend!)

1. List of works published this year (in no particular order):

Better Living Through Chemistry

Among the Willows

It ain't fiction, just a natural fact

kiss me where you bruise me

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

I'm proud of all my children but I'm most proud of myself for writing Among the Willows because it really did start as just vibes and it ended up being a lovely little vignette of a moment in time that I put a lot of research and love into. Honorable mention to Better Living Through Chemistry because it was my first PWP and I personally thought it was a unique and fun take on sex pollen.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

[buzzer noise] I am proud of ALL my children!!!!

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

I loved this exchange at the tail-end of kiss me where you bruise me because it was a good exercise in writing some post-coital awkwardness between two people who don't know each other all that well while still acknowledging that there's the potential for something more there. And I needed Eddie to take any opportunity to be a little softer and sillier bc he desperately wants Chrissy to not see him as mean and scary!

“I’m…good,” he says, throwing his palms up and flattening his lips into a tight, awkward smile. He’s looking for his right sock — she knows it’s on the other side of the mattress. Chrissy doesn’t know if it’s rude or not to grab it, worried Eddie might think she’s pushing him out when she’s not quite sure where she’d prefer he be. The red light of the alarm clock on the bedside table burns a bright 1:37 into the dark when she asks another question, maybe just to cut through the awkward silence. “Are you okay to drive home? It’s late.” (Where is home for Eddie Munson, anyway?) He smiles to himself a little before he answers her. “Nah. I’m a bit of a nocturnal creature, actually.” He throws two hands up, fingers curled out like he’s doing a vampire pose during a game of charades. “Still got a couple hours left in me.”

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

I'm a big fan of the incoherent flailing but I also really love when people engage with the details of the fic and tell me something they really loved about a particular line or description! I just love and appreciate getting comments in general!

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

November. Something about that month just zapped the energy out of me. This seemed to be a hard time for a lot of us for one reason or another…I propose we move NaNoWriMo to like…March or June or something because November is NOT it.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I gained a lot of confidence. I stopped obsessing over every line being perfect because I would rather have a finished product that others can enjoy instead of a gorgeous, perfect wip that no one else can read. And now that I’m not chasing validation (both internal and external) the process is way less stressful!

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I want to be more consistent! I want to explore more outlining methods, write more productively…and I want to be a beacon for other writers who are new to the process because the community aspect is so important.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

@staceymcgillicuddy is a rockstar of a writer whose work ethic amazes me. @pipergirl17 my angel in the comments your work is gorgeous and you’re so kind. Extra special shoutout to everyone who writes fearlessly and freakishly because we’re all better for it. And everyone who encourages writers to keep going!

11. Anything in your real life show up in your writing this year:

Wouldn’t you like to know? Ummm honestly though nothing super personal but it ain’t fiction came to me over nights of sitting on my couch watching old metal videos on MTV classic and wishing those two kids made it out of Indiana and got a shot at their dreams.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

The time will pass! Writing is vulnerable and embarrassing but I am more embarrassed by the years I spent not pursuing this hobby and letting all those ideas never leave my brain than by ANYTHING I’ve published.

13. Any new projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

I want to prioritize finishing all my multichapter wips…but I also want to explore more historical AUs.

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read:

(But only if you want to 👉👈)

@justhere4thevibez, @toodivineforhumanmind, @0nemorestranger

[steelthroat]

You know when people on the internet say that you have to be careful about the way you talk even when putting yourself down because you could put someone else down and stuff?

I finally get it it makes sense.

I have this friend, they have many issues, and incredibly low self esteem. But they're conventionally attractive, smoothest skin one could possibly have, skinny, nice hair and many other features that are generally complimented.

And I know that this doesn't stop someone from hating themselves and their body, I am incredibly aware of this.

But also if this person comes to me and says "omg my skin is absolutely horrible, I hate it look I have a pimple" or "I am so big I hate my body" or "my hair sucks, it's so messy" than how do you expect me to feel?

My skin is not smooth nor clear, far from it, I am slightly heavier than my friend, my hair is messy and curly and kind of unkept to be honest. How do you expect me to believe this friend when they hug me and say "you're so beautiful, and pretty and I love you"?

"No, you don't think that"

Obviously I don't believe them. I don't believe they find me beautiful, the things they hate so much about themselves, that they described as disgusting... well I also have them.

I hate the fact that they openly insult themselves like that desperately seeking for me or anyone else to say "no it's not true you're beautiful". And I understand it okay? I understand their issues and their need for validation and stuff. I've been through that when I was 12, it sucks.

And it's ironic that they say "I just don't believe when people give ne compliments" okay, neither do I believe when YOU give me compliments lol. Because I can believe anyone else, but not you.

I believe I can be pretty to myself or any other person in this world, but not for you.

Because I don't hate myself anymore, I've spent years fighting myself and now that I've finally started liking myself and my body and I finally know what I aspire to be it won't be something like this to set me back. I don't have the same goals as them, I don't feel the need to change the things they hate so much about themselves because I don't care about them on myself anymore. But God, would this shit have thrown 11/12 years old me in one hell of a loop.

I just don't believe this friend is being genuine, I just really dislike the fact that they don't see any problem in scraping the bottom of the barrel fishing desperately for compliments while putting others down even if unknowingly.

Sometimes I don't even think they're doing it unknowingly, I think they feel miserable and hope that just a bit of that feeling will spill onto someone else, just not to feel so lonely in their misery.

And I pity that.

I genuinely care for this friend and won't stop being there for them or giving them compliments for that matter, at least one of us has to be genuine, I just wish it could be them for once. I just wish they didn't compare myself to me and made me feel weary of being a little bit too happy about my own accomplishments. Because no matter how much they say "I'm so happy for you! I'm so proud of you" I can feel almost pure hatred behind those words, even if it's for just a second.