#i think they might be new troup additions

[intomybubble]

ACT 4 AND SOME NEW CHARACTERS LET’S GOOO

[hailsatanacab]

I'll ask after that secret number 8!

I only remembered secret number 8 because I saw your wip here! I'd started this one based on the same prompt, then lost said prompt and stopped working on it 😅

Instead of a snippet, I'm just dropping it all here - maybe that way I'll feel inspired to finish it?

———

It’s a full house for dinner tonight and, really, that should have tipped him off.

Bruce sits at the head of the table, smiling softly as he watches over everyone’s antics. Damian is regaling Dick with everything they saw at the zoo that day (Danny had been so happy to see Delilah the purpleback gorilla again, and her new little additions to the troupe, too!) and how well they are implementing the grant the Wayne Foundation had gifted them. Tim, Steph, Cass, and Duke are all engaged in a thumb-war tournament which Danny has no interest in participating in. It just wouldn’t be fair on them.

Danny loves that look. The one where Bruce’s eyes crinkle when he thinks none of the kids can see him. It oozes love and it makes Danny’s heart, his core, ache. 

It’s been a little over a year since Alfred found him on the street and managed to wrangle him back to the manor to stay—even after the whole biting thing when he realised how rich they were. 

A little over a year here and Danny’s starting to feel like family.

Starting to feel like he might, just maybe, like to make it official.

“Danny,” Bruce says, drawing everyone’s attention. Danny starts at his name, but Bruce’s voice is warm and calm, and his shoulders lose their tension almost immediately. “Danny, I have something I would like to tell you.”

“Uhhh…” is all Danny can croak out, eyes flicking back and forth between Bruce and the rest of them. Smooth. Looking good, Danny.

Except… they’re all happy. All smiles, all relaxed body language, all radiating calm and love and acceptance. Well, not Damian—his face is as thunderous as it always is—which at least means it’s nothing too out of the ordinary.

“Danny, first of all, I just want to impress upon you that this is in no way something you have to do. You are under no obligation to join us and, no matter what, you shall always be welcome with us in the manor.”

Wait, what? Danny squints at Bruce, trying to parse exactly what he’s saying… Is he—is this them asking to adopt him? Do they want to make it official, too? 

It’s been a little over a year and of course Danny has imagined calling Bruce ‘Dad’. Of course he’s imagined being part of the family, of course he wants to make it official!

He can’t help the beaming grin or the bright and bubbling “Yes!” already waiting on his lips. All Bruce has to do is ask, all Danny needs to hear is—

“I’m Batman.”

The smile freezes on Danny’s face.

His lungs stop working, his heart stops working, he stops working, he just—

“And I’m Nightwing,” Dick smiles, breaking the awkward silence. 

Danny’s eyes snap to him, and then down to Tim when he admits to being Red Robin. Duke is Signal, Steph is Spoiler. Damian begrudgingly tells him he’s Robin, but Danny can barely hear it over the ringing in his ears.

“I’m Black Bat.” Cass cocks her head, almost looking concerned. It always felt like she understood him the most. Whenever he was feeling low, too in his memories, or stewing after a nightmare, she was always there, ready to card her fingers through his hair and never mention his tears. It makes his heart ache to think of it now. “It’s okay, Danny.”

It’s meant to be reassuring, but how—how can it be okay? How? 

Danny’s spent a little over a year with them. A little over a year with Batman. 

Batman, who works with the Justice League, who works with…

A little over a year. 

Just under 16 months since he escaped.

“Danny? Are you alright?” Bruce asks

Finally, his lungs kickstart and suck in a shuddering breath, only for everyone to drop their smiles.

Didn’t take them long, did it? Now that their ruse is up, there’s no kindness in their eyes, they’re just… cold, calculating. Evaluating. 

“Why?” Danny gasps, his fingers tingling, his heart in his throat.

Just under 16 months since he—has he escaped? Or was this just another one of their experiments?

"I... I trusted you, why—" Danny chokes back a sob, gritting his teeth as his shoulders shake. Why? Why would they do this? "I was happy here, with you. I thought... Weren't you happy?"

"Danny..." Bruce is looking at him, eyes narrow and eyebrows pinched, in some cruel facsimile of confused concern and all Danny can think is how much of an actor he is. How well he can play the part of a doting father. How much he made him want that.

"I don't understand, why..." 

"I'm sorry we didn't tell you before, I can imagine that it comes as a shock. We shouldn't have lied to you, Danny, but—"

"Stop it!" Danny slams his hands down on the table and pushes himself up on wobbly legs. Even standing, he feels so small. Smaller than Bruce, than all of his adopted siblings. They crowd above him when they all stand, too. "Just stop it! Why are you doing this, why are you still pretending? Stop it!"

It was easier, with Danny's biological parents. The knowledge that they'd do anything to get him on a lab table, to open him up and see what makes him tick, to rip him apart molecule by molecule, had always been there. He knew they hated ghosts. He knew they hated Phantom. He knew they hated him. It was easier because it was something he'd known all his life. When he died, when he became a ghost, he knew what to expect from them. It hurt, of course it did.

But it was easier than this.

"Danny, I'm going to need you to take a deep breath. You're having a panic attack and you need to breathe."

"Breathe?" Danny laughs, the sound harsh and choking, too high pitched in his hysteria. "You're joking, right? Or is this just more of the—the experiment?"

"Danny, please, we don't know what you're talking about, you—"

"You don't know? You're Batman! You work with the Justice League, you work with—" His words choke off as his stomach churns, bile rising in his throat. His whole body itches, screaming at him to leave, he can't go back, he can't, he can't, he can't!

Bruce takes a hesitant step forward and Danny scrambles back, his feet catching on the chair behind him and sending him careening to the floor. Where are the agents? Why aren't they swarming in, ready to apprehend him, strap him back on the table, carve him from the inside out.

"Please, Danny, calm down. We don't—"

Danny stops listening. His back hits the wall and he pulls his knees into his chest, his shoulders dipping down as he begins to sob. His heart throbs inside his throat, too painful to swallow around. Tears fall hot and heavy on his face.

Sure, he could run. He could phase out through the wall and he could be out of Gotham in a couple of hours. He's escaped the GIW once, he can do it again.

But that was before Batman knew who he was. Before he had the World's Greatest Detective on his tail.

Before he... 

He really thought this would be different, you know?

He wanted to make it official.

"Why did... Why were you so nice to me? Why did you make me like you? I really—I really liked you. I-I thought we could be a family."

"Danny, we are a—"

"Don't lie to me!" Danny snaps, but the force of his anger leeches all the fight from him, and suddenly all that's left is a bone-weary tiredness. There’s a lump in his throat that hurts. There’s a line down his chest that burns. "I don't care. I don't care anymore, I don't. Just... don't make me go back there. Please." 

Is it futile? He thought he knew how the GIW operated by now, the depths that they would go to achieve their results, but this... this was a whole new level of pain that Danny thought he had left behind him in Amity.

"We're not going to make you go anywhere, Danny, you're safe here, I promise."

"Safe? Safe? You must have—" he takes a deep breath, tries to stop the quivering of his voice. It’s all starting to make sense, now.  "The reason you're telling me who you are is because you must have told them everything already. I know the Justice League—I know you're working with them, which means the ex-experiment is over now, and they're coming to take me back. And I can't go back."

"Danny—"

"I can’t!” Danny glares at Bruce with all the rage he can, fingernails digging into his skin. “I’m not going back!"

"That's right, you're not going back, Danny. I won't let that happen." Bruce crouches down in front of Danny, his hands open and raised as if he's trying to say he's not a threat. "I don't know who you're talking about, and I'm sorry about that, but I can promise you that you’re not going back there. We will keep you safe."

Danny pulls himself closer, tucks himself further into the wall, eyes flickering all across the room waiting for that tell-tale flash of white as the agents start to swarm.

He should take his chances now and run, he should go, he needs to go!

The rest of them, his brothers and sisters of a little over a year, are spread out, giving him and Bruce some space. The same concern colours all of their faces. Why are they still pretending?

Steph is chewing on her thumb. 

Danny liked Steph and her brash confidence, her jokes. She's been promising to paint his nails for months now, they've just never found the time. He was going to go for green and black, or maybe a galaxy theme, depending on what she felt comfortable doing.

He likes them all.

"You were supposed to be my family." His mouth turns down at the corners and his voice shakes like a child. "You were supposed to—why? Why would you—I don't understand why you would make me like you..."

"This isn't an experiment, Danny," Bruce's voice is steady, soothing. "I promise."

"But you work with them and—"

"Who do I work with?"

"The Justice League."

"Yes, I do, but we—"

"And the Justice League works with them. The GIW." Danny trembles with the name, clutching tightly onto his hoodie. "I'm not going back there, Bruce."

Danny doesn't miss Bruce's look over his shoulder, nor Tim's nod in return. Tim turns slightly to the side to hide his movements, but Danny bets he has his phone in his hand, probably letting them know they can take him now. Guess this is it, then. They'll be here soon, and he'll be gone.

"Kill me."

"Danny? What do—"

"If you ever had any kindness for me, if you ever cared, kill me. Please, Bruce. I can't do it again."

"Danny..."

"End me now. Take my core out and break it, please, before they get here."

[abybweisse]

Ch209 (p4), The queen of tragedy

⚠️ Long post ⚠️

You might be wondering where that heading comes from. I'll get to that in a bit....

So, we are back to recent events, where Finny and Doll fight over Snake, each one claiming the other is the enemy. Both parties are involved in deception; he wonders why they helped him but lied the entire time. Out of the circus troupe, he seems to have been closest to Doll, and she never told him the truth about the circus. He also becomes particularly close to Finny, who immediately likes his snakes, but Finny doesn't inform him about the true fates of his circus friends. Then there're our earl and Sebastian, who lead him to believe the circus members are still alive and just on the lamb.

Why would the people closest to him all lie to him?

Then we get a couple scenes before his and Finny's assignment begins.

But this flashback switches from what Snake is recalling... to what a reaper is reviewing. Born March 15 -- the Ides of March -- to an actress named Sarah Kemble. More on her at the end. Death on December 9, 1889, from blood loss.

The expression on this (new to us!) reaper's face makes me wonder what he's thinking. He says "no additional remarks", but I believe he's thinking some additional thoughts.

He must realize there's something odd about Doll, who is holding Snake's body and grieving over him. Doesn't he realize she's a bizarre doll? Has he not taken note of the blood transfusion equipment in the room down the hall? What about all the veins popping up all over her body? Hasn't he been informed about the search for Undertaker and his moving corpses?

Does he not yet have info from Othello regarding Layla/Al? We have to keep in mind that this is all probably happening around the same time that Ronald and William are taking Layla/Al into custody, so this reaper might not be fully informed and so might not know what all signs to look for.

Besides, Ronald is sent to Norfolk ahead of the impending deaths, because there was word a bizarre doll is stationed there. He just has to figure out which person it is. Ronald can't tell who the bizarre doll is just by looking, so he has to wait and see who starts acting like one.

This reaper apparently isn't sent to investigate FOL Orphanage, suggesting HQ didn't have similar intelligence regarding a bizarre doll there. If he's not looking for one, he might not bother to take much notice of Doll's appearance or the medical equipment.

Everything is happening at about the same time:

Mey-Rin and Ran-Mao are heading to their next meeting spot while Polaris makes his report to real Ciel and Undertaker. Heathfield is arrested, and the legal investigation there is still underway.

Ronald and William are dealing with Layla/Al, with the intention of taking her back to HQ for examination. Baldo, Lau, and the others are still planning their getaway; they have not yet escaped the sanatorium.

Othello is probably at HQ, working out the finer details of the transfusion machine he has just recently confiscated from the underground facility at Bath. Beyond that, the dove he sent back to HQ might be the only call for help he's requested to deal with Undertaker.

And this reaper is (as far as I can tell) just responding to the assigned task of collecting souls from Snake, Susan, and the head matron. He really might not be in the loop about Undertaker and his moving corpses... just yet.

This gives an easy setup for him to go about business as usual and leave Doll to her grieving. If he doesn't confront her and just leaves, she can ask Undertaker to turn Snake into a bizarre doll -- even if it's just to be her companion. Undertaker would see old goals of revenge in Snake's cinematic records and could potentially turn him against the Phantomhives, through creation of his "episodes" by cherry-picking the memories and goals that would compel him to seek that revenge again. If that happens, we could get Snake confronting our earl and Sebastian... where Sebastian fulfills the implied threat he makes (to Baldo, about any servant who turns against their master) in ch51.

So, there's that.

Then we have a couple other things to discuss: the current date and Snake's mother.

It's December 9, 1889. This works great with my Mother3 theory, which states the contract should end before our earl is officially 14 years old. December 13, 1889 is the eve of that birthday, and it's also a Friday the 13th. This is highly symbolic because of when his father is born and when his paternal grandmother dies. I'm sure there are absolutely zero coincidences in this.

We will go back a few days (again) for the start of our earl's and Sebastian's assignment in Brighton, then we will catch up to December 9th with them. During this time and soon after, they will receive word about the other three assignments, as word trickles in. Or perhaps they are bombarded with all the reports in quick succession. Then we've got another four days for them to finish not just their own assignment but also their contract. Perhaps their assignment finishes around the same time as the others. If so, they have three or four more days to address whatever they have learned.

Now onto Snake's mother. She's based on a real person, or a combination of a few people in a notable family. My own initial research pulled up a Fanny Kemble, who was a British actress who lived in this time period but was too old to be Snake's mother. She bore a daughter named Sarah (Kemble) Butler, but Sarah wasn't an actress. Fanny was well known as a former actress and an abolitionist -- who separated from her husband (Butler), partly over disagreement about slavery -- and returned to the stage, where she renewed her focus on the works of William Shakespeare... performing public readings of his plays.

Discussing the chapter in Discord, I got word -- from @mjmj2994 -- about a Sarah (Kemble) Siddons who was an actress, though she was from the mid-18th to early 19th century. Her mother was also a Sarah Kemble. Turns out that Sarah Siddons (née and a.k.a. Sarah Kemble) was an aunt to the Fanny Kemble I'd found! Small world, eh? Anyway, Sarah Kemble/Siddons (wiki article here) became known as the "queen of tragedy" for her portrayal of Lady Macbeth and other Shakespearean tragic characters -- including numerous cross-dress performances as Hamlet himself. Even though Yana-san would have to change the timeline to fit our Sarah Kemble, this is most likely the historical reference for her. Here's more information about the Kemble family line and their extensive involvement with the acting industry.

Our Snake comes from an esteemed family of actors, and I suppose we are to assume he's an issue who was so quickly covered up and forgotten that he was perhaps never even named. Who was his true father? And how did he come to have such strong snake-like traits? We might never know.

Now we wait to see if this reaper does anything about Doll. And then onto our earl and Sebastian in Brighton!

[aishangotome]

Ellis Twilight: Chapter 5

Chapter 4 Premium Story

♡———♡

The next morning – when I reported yesterday's events, Jude also had obtained similar information.

Victor: "The circus," huh...

Jude: That circus troupe, it seems they've already disbanded.

Kate: Eh!?

Ellis: Disbanded...?

Jude: "Grace Circus Troupe."

Jude: Afta' a huge success in London, they were deceived by leeches who flocked ta successful people, burdened with debt, an' fell into financial ruin.

Jude: They disbanded in no time.

(In that case...)

Kate: Bill's missing friend was "invited," but...

Kate: It's impossible to be invited to a disbanded circus troupe. The invitation is unrelated to the abduction... right?

Ellis: Or maybe someone is lying, pretending to be a circus troupe invitation to lure victims out...

Victor: Did they disband only on the surface, and the Grace Circus Troupe still exists underground,

Victor: Or is it the work of someone impersonating the Grace Circus Troupe...

Victor: ...Including that, it seems we need additional investigation.

Victor: Jude, Ellis, and Kate, thank you for gathering information.

Victor: The fair ended yesterday, so please rest for now.

I sigh while watching Victor's back as he walks away with his long hair flowing.

(As a "Fairytale Keeper," maybe I should just record the sins of the Crown members...)

(But I hope I can help stop the incident before more victims appear.)

(—Oh, right, the report!)

As a Fairytale Keeper, I try to recall if there were any sins I could write about this time.

(Hmm... Ellis and Jude didn't do anything sinful, right?)

(In the first place, is there any sin that Ellis could commit that I could write in the report...?)

(...Maybe it would be faster to record Jude's sins that are hated enough to be targeted?)

Jude: What are you thinking with that rude face?

Kate: Eh!? N-nothing!

Jude: Speaking of which, you have the guts to put your body on the line in a show, huh?

Kate: You saw that?

Ellis: Were you watching?

Jude: If ya were at the fair, you couldn't help but see that huge stage.

Jude: I thought if ya were a troublesome woman who cowered at every conflict, I woulda refused your protection.

Jude narrows his eyes as if to re-evaluate me.

Jude: You seem ta' have guts. If you're comin', come.

Kate: Y-yes!

(Does that mean he acknowledges me a little?)

Jude: Ellis got ya involved in the first place. Ya take care of the rest.

Ellis: Yeah, I know. Good for you, Kate.

(Is this... good for me...?)

And so - I started spending my days following Jude and Ellis around on their jobs.

-

Several days passed as I wrote down in my notebook about the two of them being attacked every three days by business rivals and thugs, and retaliating with even more violence.

And so, when the day's work as a "Fairytale Keeper" was over -

Ellis: Kate, I found a delicious restaurant. Would you like to stop by on the way home?

Ellis always called out to me.

Today it was a restaurant, yesterday I was invited to a place with a beautiful sunset and ate crepes.

The day before yesterday, it was freshly baked baguettes, and before that, we ate meat pies on the way home from seeing a new poster on the front of a theater.

Kate: Ellis, I've been taken to so many delicious restaurants lately that...

Ellis: That...?

Kate: I think I've gained a little weight...

Ellis: I don't think you've changed at all... Should we skip it then?

Kate: ...I'll go.

(I'll just have to work off what I eat with exercise...!)

Ellis: Really?

Ellis: Good. I thought you might like that restaurant, Kate.

Ellis: I wanted to take you there.

And the time I spent with Ellis wasn't just about eating delicious food together --

-

Kate: Huh? Ellis, this book...

There is a book on the chair I always sit on in the lounge.

Ellis: Oh, that... I thought it was the one you said you wanted to read. Is that right?

Kate: You're right...! Thank you... How much was it?

Ellis: Don't worry about it, it's a gift.

Ellis: The other day, you bought me cranberry jam, Kate, so this is in return for that.

Kate: That was to thank you for the restaurant before that.

Ellis: Well then, to thank you for this... Tell me your thoughts when you finish reading it.

(A restaurant in return for cranberry jam, and this book in return for that...)

(And my thoughts on this book in return for this book?)

Kate: ...Does that count as a thank you?

Ellis: Yes. I like to hear you talk.

Kate: You say that again...

(Ellis is too good at spoiling me...)

--But the only strange thing is the question Ellis sometimes asks me.

-

Ellis: Hey, Kate... How happy are you right now?

How happy am I about what, how fulfilled am I?

As if he wants to know, Ellis asks me this from time to time.

Most of the time, he asks this when I am feeling happy.

He asks me as if he can see right through me, as if to confirm that I am happy.

It's like an exchange between lovers... and it always tickles my heart.

Kate: Hmm... Maybe like when I'm taking a nap in bed with the sun shining in on a rare day off.

I think I'm getting better at expressing "happiness," maybe because I'm asked about it all the time.

Ellis: ...............

It's also usual for him to blink and then smile immediately.

Ellis: ...I'd like to see that. Why don't we take a nap together sometime?

Kate: T-together?

Ellis: Yeah. Think about it.

Ellis: Well then, Kate, see you tomorrow.

(Together...)

The kindness Ellis shows me is so limitless that it makes me feel conceited.

But...

-

(Oh, I feel like I'm being pampered too much and I'm going to get spoiled...!)

Perhaps driven by this sense of crisis, I've been getting up early lately.

(I'm supposed to be doing a job where my life is on the line, but I'm enjoying it more than my normal life.)

(And it's all thanks to Ellis, who tries to make me happy...)

At breakfast early in the morning, I ventured to ask Jude, who happened to be reading a newspaper alone.

Kate: Is there a reason why Ellis is so obsessed with happiness?

Jude: ...An' what do ya wanna know that for?

Kate: Huh? No, I'm just curious and...

Kate: I'm worried because he's so kind...

What I've gradually come to understand as I've spent time with Ellis is that he "prioritizes what others want to do over what he wants to do."

(As Ellis himself said before.)

(As if Ellis has no feelings or desires of his own.)

Kate: I think Ellis is the kind of person who can truly be happy for the happiness of others, but...

Kate: Ellis must have things he wants to do and things he doesn't want to do.

Kate: I'm a little worried that he's holding back.

Jude: ...Hmm, ya're a good observa'.

Jude snorts, his eyes still on the newspaper, as if he's not interested.

Jude: So, ya think his kindness is suspicious an' ya can't trust him?

(Gah...)

Kate: I didn't say that much.

But the reason I hesitated for a moment was because Jude's words hit the mark.

Jude: It's similar.

Jude: It's no different than sayin', "I can't read his true intentions, so I dunno if I can be happy about bein' pampered."

(...Come to think of it, he might be right.)

(Am I doubting Ellis...?)

Because he seems like the kind of person who would do anything to cheer me up.

Maybe I'm afraid of being spoiled by his kindness and missing something behind it.

Jude: Let's set aside the premise that there is no kindness without a hidden agenda.

Jude: It's true that his kindness isn't motivated "only" by simple affection.

Kate: Huh...?

Jude: Well, but if he dun' have a special attachment to ya, you'll be fine.

Kate: That sounds like there's something wrong if he does have a special attachment...

Jude: Ha, ya're smarter than I thought.

Jude raises an eyebrow and continues.

Jude: If ya know that much, I'm sure a smart young lady like you knows what ta' do.

Jude looks down at the newspaper, as if he has no intention of explaining any further.

There is no kindness without a hidden agenda.

You'll be fine if he doesn't have a special attachment to you.

Even after being told that, I still can't get a clear image.

So, I have no idea what will happen if I continue to be with Ellis.

(...What is this pain?)

It's like reaching out to touch a beautiful rose and getting pricked by a small thorn - my heart aches.

Ellis: Good morning, Jude, Kate.

(Whoa!)

Kate: Ellis! Good morning!

My heart skips a beat and I accidentally touch the silverware on the table.

Ellis: ...Did something happen?

Kind eyes gaze at me with concern.

Kate: No, it's nothing.

Jude: It was just ya' stomach growlin' 'cause ya were hungry.

Ellis: ...I see. Let's eat breakfast then.

Ellis smiles and takes a seat.

(What Jude was trying to say was... to keep my distance so that he wouldn't get seriously attached to me, right?)

(But... I can't just be cold to him after being saved by his kindness.)

So I called out to him with a smile, as usual.

Kate: Oh, I buttered your toast before it got cold.

Ellis: Mine too? ...Yes!

Kate: It's a thank you for always taking care of me.

Ellis: Thank you, Kate.

(When Ellis smiles happily, it makes me happy too.)

I'm sure no one would ever leave Ellis alone.

Because he's such a wonderful person.

(I'm sure he won't get particularly attached to me.)

(I'll just keep returning the favor for all the kindness he's shown me.)

(For one month, I'll try not to rely on Ellis too much.)

I'll try not to misread the distance between us - that's what I swore to myself as soon as I got here.

(Every time he's kind to me, I forget that warning.)

Since then, his kindness has crept into the cracks of my warning, and the distance between our hearts has gradually shrunk... I'm sure we've come to the point where we can barely turn back.

(I can't make any more mistakes...)

Maybe, probably - I mustn't make a mistake.

-

After breakfast, Kate left the table to get ready to go out, and Ellis turned his gaze to Jude.

Ellis: Hey, Jude.

Jude: I don't wanna hear any nonsense.

Jude rustled the newspaper as if to cut him off.

Ellis: Do you think Kate will have the happiest moment of her life in a month?

Jude: I dunno.

Ellis: If there is such a moment, I want to make sure it lasts forever.

Ellis: "Because she's a wonderful person."

Jude glanced up, and Ellis had a serious look on his face.

Jude: ...Ha, ya're still crazy.

Ellis: Am I?

Ellis: I just... I hate to see someone I care about become unhappy.

Jude: ..............

-

That night, there was a new development in the kidnapping case.

William, who had dropped by, smiled at Jude and Ellis, who were discussing tomorrow's meeting, and at me, who was taking notes.

William: Alfons has new information on the kidnapping case.

.

.

.

.

.

Chapter 6

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[animeyanderetalker]

Not including Chrollo or Hisoka, which six Phantom Troupe members do you headcanon as most likely to be yandere (ranked from least likely to most likely)?

I’m not including Bonolenov or Kortopi in here and instead included Illumi.

6.

I was debating between putting him or Pakunoda in last place but went with him because I think he is more social and friendly to people outside of the Phantom Troupe in comparison to Pakunoda and Machi who didn’t make the list. He’s last place though because despite being desensitized towards violence he would be a pretty conscious and cautious about falling in love with someone because he is aware of the implications and possible consequences that this might have on his darling.

5. Feitan

Feitan is above all an unapologetic sadist who is absolutely gruesome as the interrogator of the Phantom Troupe and he would be strictly in denial about his own feelings. I think it’s this phase of denial that would give him and you equally much trouble because you’re stuck with him whilst he is going to be livid about the fact that he can’t make up his mind about you. Once he has begrudgingly acknowledged his own feelings though, he’ll just do whatever he wants.

4. Uvogin

There are few things in life that are more thrilling for Uvogin than the joy and rush he feels whilst fighting people. He’s literally someone who isn’t thinking stuff much through and is just going with his instincts. Because fighting is one of the few joys he has been able to experience in life so far together with the bond he has with the other members, I do think that it would take someone that really catches his interest plus additional time for him to realize that he’s in love. As soon as that realization has hit though, there’s a new rush pumping through his veins and just like with most things, he isn’t going to think stuff through very much.

3. Shizuku

I don’t have much to say about her besides with what I have already said about her the last time. As forgetful as she is, her darling is going to be pretty much screwed once they actually manage to stay on her mind. That is such an achievement and since they are going to be one of the few people she can actually recall all of the time, she’s bound to think about them a lot which quickly goes down the wrong road. The biggest threat I see here is the fact that Shizuku might have a thing for even making up memories that aren’t even real yet she believes they are.

2. Shalnark

He is undoubtedly one of the most apathetic members but just like I’ve already mentioned before, if he is ever going to catch feelings for someone he will go quickly very obsessive. He is fully aware of the atrocities he’s committing all the time and he has never felt anything for others before so if there is ever going to be a person that manages to make him feel, he will grow very obsessive with the need to know everything so he can know why it is that specific person.

1. Illumi Zoldyck

Illumi is already pretty much a very obsessed individual, especially towards his younger brother Killua. Whatever he has going on with his darling though is going to be so much more intense because Illumi is going to act the moment he has realized the spark his darling ignites in his chest. Twisted fascination and the constant control will be very unpleasant as Illumi basically wants surveillance on his lover every single minute and feels entitled to own them and by extension to also know everything about them.

[dailycharacteroption]

Magic Warrior (Pathfinder Second Edition Archetype)

(mask design by teonova on DeviantArt)

Oh, you thought we were done with the Magaambya?

Don’t worry folks, I think this is the last one for a while, but in truth, this archetype has less to do with the school directly, and more to do with it’s founder: Oldmage Jatembe!

You see, Jatembe was many things, a preserver and innovator of magical traditions, a teacher, but also a warrior of good and righteousness, but he did not fight alone. Indeed, his 10 most trusted disciples were known as his Magic Warriors, each one wearing an enchanted mask hiding their identity as they fought and worked alongside him.

In the modern era, the tradition of the Magic Warrior continues, and while the original 10 came from disparate magical traditions, the modern version was codified into a blend of arcane and martial prowess best represented by the magus… Or at least, that’s how it was in First Edition.

That’s right, this archetype is also another relic of 1E moved forward into 2E, and with the way that Second Edition handles archetypes, it is now available to many more classes without further cross-classing or archetypes. The only caveat is that the class in question must be able to cast focus spells of some kind, meaning that one could play a paladin or warden-style ranger, but not a fighter, at least, not without some help.

But in any case, as we’ll soon see, this archetype focuses primarily on the relationship between the magic warrior and their mask, which was a highlight of the original archetype, so let’s get right into it!

The dedication for this feat, as mentioned above, requires at least focus spells, if not full casting. More than that, it represents donning the animal mask that will come to be their public identity as a magic warrior. They must never reveal their true identity, though others knowing them before they chose this path do not violate it. However, being revealed will require atonement and the crafting of a new mask and identity. In any case, at it’s base level the mask provides a minor ward against divination magic.

Tapping into the animal their mask represents, these warriors can briefly gain the senses and mobility of the creature in question, partially transforming themselves to do so.

Later on, they can fully transform into said animal, gaining the full benefits of doing so.

Finally, the anonymity of their mask expands into a proper ward, making them nearly impossible to detect with divination magic.

This is probably one of the shortest Second Edition Archetypes we’ve ever done here on the blog, but it doesn’t need to be super complicated, as the archetype adds the power of the mask from the 1E original to whatever character you’re wanting to play. On that note, while magus might be the “traditional” option, you’re hardly limited by that. After all, every proper spellcasting class and a few beyond have focus spells, and there plenty of ways to also gain primal spellcasting in addition to your primary tradition as well. However you want to build your anonymous mage is up to you.

Now, while this archetype is associated with the Oldmage Jatembe and the Magaambya, it need not remain so in your setting. If there is space in your own setting for a group or individual with magical masks that let them take on the aspect of an animal, then this archetype could easily be adapted. Heck, you could even adapt it to use different shapeshifting spells as well.

The ceremony of Masking, where a new troupe of magic warriors are named and they leave to quietly take on their new identities, is normally a very private and quiet affair. Not so when an omen dragon shows up in the middle of the public portion of the proceedings, heralding a vision that one of the new warriors will betray the others… and another will bring them to justice.

Born from a freak twist of magic and a distorted carnival mirror, Solageb was created as a twisted reflection of a powerful mage named Belagos who visited the carnival five years ago. Keen to hide his distorted features, the fleshwarped reflection hides is face with a mask, using anonymity to do good with his magic.

The invaders dealt a crippling blow to indigenous morale when they unmasked the White Lion and executed him publically, but with his final breaths, he asked the people to look for the ones who would succeed him as masked warriors and protectors, that their time would come soon. This inspired a whole new generation, and now rebellion is brewing.

[hamliet]

With that Phantom Troupe backstory coming out, do you think it's more or less likely that Hisoka will succeed in killing them all? (Bc of that trope of giving a backstory before killing a character). The whole setup of this arc screams that at least a few more members are going to die, but do you think there's a chance for a TPK?

Alas, I do not know what a TPK is! :(

I don't necessarily think the point of this flashback is For the Sadz Before Deaths. I generally think that's pretty mediocre writing, and Togashi's better than that. This flashback has a far weightier feel to it than just a cheap sucker punch, in other words.

I think the point of this flashback is to again establish Chrollo as Kurapika's shadow, and to point towards the likely resolution of this arc. If what @aspoonofsugar theorizes is true (which someone suggested to me way back in 2018 too), and I think there's a pretty damn good chance of this, then we've got an entirely new perspective on Chrollo... albeit one with hints along the way. Either way, the set-up of this flashback, with it focusing on Chrollo, seems to indicate that the point of it is to make the audience ponder about revenge and to see Chrollo and Kurapika as two sides of the same coin.

We know what made Kurapika lose his idealism. What made Chrollo lose his? That's what this flashback seems destined to show us. If the Sheila theory is true, it's probably the final domino... I doubt it was the beginning. We're probably about to see what those disappointments were that turned him into such a hardline utilitarian to where he'll find his identity with his troupe, but not ever say he loves them like he did before.

All that said: Hisoka is absolutely not going to kill all of them. In addition to what I said above, that's just not how Togashi tends to solve issues in his stories; the journeys matter more. What is more likely is that Chrollo and Kurapika almost certainly are going to have to work together to escape the boat; Kurapika will have to choose between the living (Oito and Woble) and the dead (Pairo's eyes), and Chrollo will have to choose between the people he has left and revenge.

However, I do think it is very likely some Troupe members are about to die. Chrollo kind of has to lose more people to get the wakeup call, because right now he's all about revenge. The ironic thing is that Hisoka's actions are calling Chrollo on his precise hypocrisy: the fact that he truly loves the Spiders. Is he going to choose to save them, or continue revenge and lose everything?

Considering he's Kurapika's shadow and you integrate with your shadow, you don't kill it, my guess is that as Chrollo loses more members and more stability, and comes into contact with Kurapika (who will probably also find out about Sheila, if that's what really happened), he'll eventually decide to choose to live. Kurapika will probably choose the same. But they'll only get to live if they integrate (aka work together).

If you want to know whom I'm currently worried about, any Spider except Chrollo, Kalluto, and Illumi. Those kids all have plot armor.

But my concerns are primarily for Shizuku, Bololenov, and Franklin, because they are far less developed, and Nobunaga, because he's gotten a lot of focus in recent chapters. See, Nobunaga, Machi, Feitan, and Phinks have more ties to the philosophical debate raging inside Chrollo--they, along with Paku, were the five who debated whether or not to save Chrollo from Kurapika back in Yorknew. Machi and Nobunaga represent Chrollo's genuine care, while Feitan and Phinks represented his utilitarianism.

But Nobunaga's focus lately really does concern me, and I wonder if how he might die will prove important for Chrollo making this decision...

[purplehanfu]

New Vanity Fair: Episodes 1-4

notes: spoilers! Master list of all recaps

It was a bold choice to pick an actor who cannot act to portray an actor who cannot act. The only thing worse would be to surround him with really good actors so they can vividly highlight his inability to act.

This is Song Yang. He's today's hottest traffic star (you can tell because haircut). Despite working primarily in drama and film, he's being heavily recruited to act in a play opposite Ding Kemang, who is a veteran playwright and stage actor, and who was, of course, Song Yang's teacher back in the day. 

Ding Kemang speaks truth on several levels.

Luo Xia, the director of the theater troupe, thinks that the addition of a young, popular star will bring a new (and much needed) audience to the theater. 

Director seen here in his natural habitat.

Song Yang’s cold-blooded agent thinks this is a terrible idea- a play won’t generate income and is just an opportunity for the public to see what an unpolished actor Song Yang is. 

That’s the way to sell your client.

👏🏼 Ding Kemang with the clap back! 👏🏼

Ding Kemang, who wrote the play, is also not on board, although he at least sees Song Yang as person and not just a revenue stream. Conflict ensues - 40 episodes worth, in fact. This is the kind of drama that you can watch the first 20 minutes of and know exactly how the entire story will play out. Will Song Yang convince his mean agent that he can be a serious actor? Will Ding Kemang's play be a success? Will Song Yang end up with Ding Kemang's daughter? I've watched four episodes and I cannot bring myself to care. Which is sad, because it's a good (if cliched) premise. It really comes down to the casting of Song Yang. 

Song Yang is played by Z Tao. I will be fair and say that Z Tao has been in many things, none of which I have seen, so perhaps his performance here is an outlier. And what a performance- he gives us a plethora of emotions running the gamut from faint amusement to flat affect to slight frown, all served with a side order of smugness which I'm beginning to think might not be acting. 

If this were a regular drama and he were playing opposite other idols it would be no big thing. Unfortunately he's with a cast of really good veteran actors who are clearly having such a ball with this drama. Poor Z Tao. He's like watercolors and the rest of the cast is oil paint and they are laying it on thick.

Bickering so real, you'll think you're at your parent's house!

Pros

Seeing older actors show you how it’s done

Ding Kemang’s sweater game 

There’s a French bulldog who wears little outfits

Cons

Everything not listed above

Master list of all recaps

[sleepless-translation]

Phantom Troupe Drama CD English Translation-Track 14

CD : HUNTER×HUNTER～Next Episode Scene 3 幻影旅団 (Link)

Track 14. 大脱走は人知れず “The great escape is done in secret” starts at 50.14

Disclaimer:

This is a fun bonus content from the 1999 anime that I decided to translate because I want others to enjoy it too (´꒳`)♡ Do note that some of the characters might act in an unusual comedic manner.

Summary:

Illumi, disguised as Hisoka at the troupe’s hideout, is trying to find a way to get out of there discreetly.

[Illumi] “You can leave now ❤” He says it so casually. Killing them would make it easier, but I wouldn't get paid that way, huh? Now, how should I escape?

[Phinks] Dammit. All this waiting is stressing me out. Let's get some food for a change.

[Shalnark] That’s right. Might be better than waiting and doing nothing.

[Shizuku] Then, I’ll make something.

[Machi] I’ll help out.

[Feitan] Thanks but I no wanna die at the hands of you two yet.

[Machi] Heh. Do whatever you want.

…

[Illumi] Oh? Is this my chance? It’s too early to say.

[Illumi as Hisoka] Ah! Ow-ow-ouch! 

[Franklin] What’s wrong?

[Illumi as Hisoka] I'm feeling a little sick to my stomach. Could you tell them I’ll skip dinner?

[Franklin] What’s up with his weird voice?

[Illumi] *Sigh* Somehow I managed to get out of there, but I don't know if I'm going to be able to get out of this place without a hitch.  I won’t be getting any additional fees, it's not worth it. Well, let's just see how it goes.…  There's this new portable game I just downloaded so.

*pew pew*

Hmm~ This is a nicely done portable game.

*Footsteps*

Someone’s here.

*Knock knock*

[Illumi as Hisoka] What is it?

[Phinks] You’re not done yet?

[Illumi as Hisoka] Sorry.

[Phinks] Fine.

[Illumi] Looks like it’ll take a while. Let’s continue with this here…

*Knock knock*

[Illumi as Hisoka] I said I’m still using it! 

[Phinks] Hey. Can’t you hurry up?

[Illumi as Hisoka] That’s not helping, you know…

*Knock knock*

[Shalnark] H-Hissooka, please hurry up.

[Illumi] The two of them are waiting? What a hassle.  I thought I could escape soon. At this rate, I’m trapped. Well, let’s just wait and see…

[Illumi as Hisoka] Sorry. I’m not done yet. Ow-ouch!

*Knock knock*

[Franklin] Hey, Hisoka. Hurry up.

[Illumi as Hisoka] As much as I'd like to be done soon…

[Franklin] Here, be quick.

[Illumi as Hisoka] Don’t throw toilet paper here, there is already enough.

[Feitan] So hurry up and get out.

[Illumi] They keep on coming here… Even if I wait it out, I'm at a disadvantage here.

[Phinks] Hurry up.

[Franklin] Please hurry up.

*Knocking*

[Illumi] Finally I cleared it. The presence outside seems to be gone too.. Should I take my chances?!

[Illumi] Why is everyone passed out in front of the toilet? Only the guys too.  Everyone is holding their stomach. An enemy? Even if there was, no one has received any injuries.

[Phinks] Ugh. Finally, It opened.

[Feitan] I go first. I knew they been manipulated. Cook such poisoned food.

[Franklin] Rather than thinking about that, I’m going first.

[Shalnark] This is the one thing I won't give up on!

[Kortopi] I- Aurgh 

[Illumi] I don’t know what’s going on, but now it looks like no one will be able to stop me. I wonder if they ate anything weird…

*Meow*

[Machi] What?! Running away after I put an effort to make this food for you. That's not cute.

[Shizuku] That’s rude, you know. We spent time cooking it. Everyone also went away with a pale face.

[Nobunaga] Argh. Who was it that knocked me down?!

[Shizuku] Ah, Nobunaga-san. Good morning.

[Nobunaga] Ugh. Don’t “good morning” me. Geez.

[Machi] Ah, Nobunaga. I know you just woke up, but…

[Machi & Shizuku] Would you like to eat?

════════ End of track ════════

[peachiipark]

im ashamed of this being so late 😭 this might be a bit ooc since i can't imagine illumi finding someone defenseless in the forest and not walking away. i must've misread since i ended up making the setting a forest?? i have no idea why i did that.. anyways, i hope you enjoy! my requests will be going back up since by the time this is posted, ill only have one more exam 😥

cw: gore

illumi zoldyck!

"Y-You're crazy!" A man yelled, his throat sore from screaming his lungs out due to his wounds. "You're absolutely insane! When the guards find you, they'll dance around town with your li-"

With one swift movement, Illumi sent his victim's head flying across the room. He think they deserved a chance to hear him say anything, nor did he think it was necessary.

Just as he finished the job, loud crashes of thunder attacked the sky. Seeing as Illumi was quite fond of this weather, he decided to make his way back home through the forest. The rain drops wiped the blood off of his thin frame as if the murder never occurred.

Halt!

There was a low noise. Whimpering. Although his instincts told him to ignore it, Illumi decided to investigate. The whimpering amplified as he got closer, a silhouette lying on the ground.

Blood. It was a bloody, beaten up dragon. He had never seen one in person before, so he decided to reach out for it's wings. The small creature scurried back and squinted a bit, a bright light surrounding it's tiny scaled body.

Upon further inspection, Illumi noticed that it had turned into a woman! She appeared to be a young albino girl with animalistic features; strong claws and fangs peaking out of her mouth as her short breaths quickened. She even had a feathered tail and twitched a bit every time her injured body attempted to move.

"Plea-.." As Illumi got closer, her tired eyes begged with the little air she had left. The woman winced mid-sentence as her wounds seemed to get worse and worse. "A-All I need i-is something to clean myself u-"

He continued walking away, unbothered by the situation at hand. Before Illumi could leave her sight, the girl mustered up all of her strength to call out to him. "Please! I-I can do something in return!"

"What could someone as pathetic as you do for me?" Illumi's cold, empty eyes scanned the girl. "Tell me your name."

"Okiku! It's Okiku! M-My ability can.. Tired.." Okiku's soft voice faded out as she fell unconscious. Illumi was mildly intrigued by her. Could dragons have more powers than he thought? He threw the woman over his shoulder and continued walking back home. Father was surely going to be interested in this new addition to their power sources.

chrollo lucilfer!

"Oh, how unfortunate for me," Chrollo chuckled a bit, watching as the heavy rain poured down onto his leather coat. The Phantom Troupe was intercepted by the authorized during a heist and forced to split up. Choosing the lay low, Chrollo ducked into the nearest forest, hoping that the other members made it out safely.

The stormy weather worked perfectly for an escape plan. Not only would their scents be covered up, but it would be harder to navigate though the poring rain. As the criminal continued to make his way back to his base, he nearly stepped on a small creature. "Huh? Well, would you look at that."

"The poor thing's injured.." He had read hundreds of books before, but he never imagined actually encountering a dragon in person. Chrollo carefully lifted up the creature into his arms and debated on whether he would take it home or not. "Maybe I'll bring you with me, hm?"

Suddenly, the dragon began to weigh down his arms more every passing second. With a bright flash, the creature turned into a beautiful albino woman, small hints of her previous form remaining. Despite gaining a (still injured) human form, the girl nodded in agreement with Chrollo's request.

"Do you have a name?" He lightened his grip after accidentally squeezing the girl's leg wound.

"My name.." she trembled, shaking from the cold rain entering her cuts. "Okiku. My name's Okiku.."

"Hm.. Interesting."

hisoka morrow!

"Well, well, well," Hisoka kneeled down, eyeing an injured dragon that trembled quietly on the ground. Grazing his finger against it's wings, he smiled at the adorable creature. "Aren't you an interesting little animal?"

Intimidating by his aura, the dragon began to back away from the magician, whimpering a bit. A white light began to slightly illuminate it's body as the dragon transformed into a young albino girl. Her eyes begged at Hisoka to nurse her back to health.

"Now isn't that a surprise.." The pink haired man mumbled in disbelief, a smirk forming on his lips. Once he realized that she had no more strength to back away, he moved in closer. "Tell me, do you have a name?"

"It's.." She hesitated, his fingers cold to the touch.

"Don't be shy."

"O-Okiku.." Okiku spoke out, her lip quivering. "Are you.. going to hurt me more?"

"Unless you want me to, no. I'd rather battle someone who isn't a waste of time. In this shape, I could defeat you with all of my limbs cut off, Miss Okiku." Hisoka chuckled, her silence amusing him even more.

"Why don't you come with me? I'm sure that I can treat you if you make sure to show me what you can do later. I admit, I'm truly curious about you."

Okiku's gut told her that this wouldn't be a good idea, however, she hummed in response and allowed the Hunter to take her. It was either die in the forest or be stuck with the clown guy.

accompany on: to the masterlist!

[emilycollins00]

hiii~! can i request some banri x (s/o) bullet-point scenarios please!! have a wonderful day and stay hydrated!! (๑>◡<๑)

I will! Hagiii you cutiepie hope you are doing beautifully! 💕

Who would have told me Banri will be my last addition to 2021? Ah well, I guess for once it's okay/j

Please enjoy! 💕

Banri x S/O General Dating Headcanons

Banri is exactly the type of boy your parents and friends would warn you about.

He’s what some people would call a triple threat. He has the brains, the looks, and the skills, and one glance is enough to just know he could be bad news.

However, contrary to that first look -maybe second or fourth according to others- Banri is… well, normal.

Maybe even soft.

Because sure, he loves to endlessly poke fun at you and flirts more often than not.

But he’s also the one who mindlessly puts you on the inside part of the road when you two are walking and glances lazily to see if you have your jacket on when it’s gotten cold.

It’s the small gestures like those that let you know he cares, given that heart to heart talks aren’t really his forte yet -you can’t help but think being with everyone in Mankai has been a blessing in so many ways-.

So yeah, this guy will tease you, but he’s also preeeetty whipped for you.

Which means he doesn’t really care what others think. If he wants to kiss you he will, though he’s most likely to do it when you two are alone or when you show up during autumn troupe rehearshals because let’s be honest, Taichi and Azami do have the best reactions.

Aside from theatre and games, Banri is still quite lazy, so you better like to explore and try new things on your dates just as much as your usual coffee date ones.

Sometimes you two will also have study dates... though not a lot of studying goes on.

I like to think that Banri enjoys ruffling your hair when you do a good job quite often. It doesn't matter if you tell him to stop or frown at him, he will do it next time anyway.

Though he's not especially affectionate physically, he tends to put his weight on you and sling his arm around your shoulders a lot. If you are visiting the dorm, his eyes also follow you around, not that I think he himself notices.

Given the case, most people would think he’s overprotective or jealous, but Banri is pretty chill about the whole dating thing and being together full time. You gonna meet with some friends? Enjoy yourself. Too tired or busy to come to one of his plays? He’ll tell you if anything special happened, no rush.

He hears someone made you uncomfortable however and you might want to hold onto him because his hands like to get to the point quicker than his mouth.

If we talk about the downsides of the relationship, just like I believe he somehow manages to remember many small details about you, he also tends to forget mundane things like meeting with you somewhere if he has other things on his mind or is busy.

His arrogance also rises from time to time, which might cloud his vision if you two are having a discussion -probably making things escalate rather quickly due to his own lack of filter or not being used to admitting he’s wrong.

Muku low-key thinks you two do the best version of enemies to lovers he's ever seen. You two keep roasting each other any chance you get.

"Taichi, can you tell that selfish tacky leader of yours if he’s not going to watch anything he should stop changing the stupid channel?"

"Taichi tell that blockhead if they want to watch somethin’ they have their own fuckin’ house not too far from here."

"You two please make up I beg you!"

Putting those moments aside however, I do think Banri has matured since his beginnings and in general you two can pretty much talk about anything.

If there’s anything troubling you Banri will for suuuure know before you say anything to him. I believe he will wait or in any case will be subtle, waiting for a moment with you alone to nonchalantly ask if you have anything on your mind lately.

I think he’s a really good listener and probably will do his best to be there for you, even if it’s to just listen to you venting though I do think he will feel extremely over-challenged if you were to cry.

" -hey come on, I can steal some sweets from Hyodo if ya want somethin’ to eat somethin' real quick? My pleasure really."

On the other hand, it's not easy to have him open to you, and you soon find out that showing anything else other than perfection for him is the same as thinking he's lame.

I believe as much as he might want to, it reeeeeally would take a long time until he confides you his trouble. By that I mean his real troubles. What to do in the future, his work as a troupe leader or what's expected from him in general.

Because part of Banri still finds it strange to have someone that loves all of him. And while he's too prideful to say something cheesy, maybe you get the idea.

“You better marry me one day.”

_______________________________________________________

Who am I lying to I adore this boy.

Wishing you all a wonderful day! 💕

[unpopularwiththepopulace]

Don’t I Get a Dream for Myself ? – Bernadette Peters and the 'Gypsy' Saga

Gypsy. It’s perhaps the most daunting of all of the projects related to Bernadette Peters to try to grapple with and discuss. It’s also perhaps the most significant.

For someone notoriously guarded of her privacy and personal life, careful with her words, and selective of the questions she answers, the narrative around this show provides some of the most meaningful insights it is possible to derive in relation to Bernadette herself. The show’s ability to do this is unique, through the way it eerily parallels her own life and spans a large range in time from both Bernadette Peters the Broadway Legend, right back to where it all began with Bernadette Lazzara, the young Italian girl put into showbusiness by her mother.

The most logical place to start is at the very beginning – it is a very good place to start, after all.

(Though no one tell Gypsy this, if the fierce two-way battle with The Sound of Music at the 1960 Tony Awards is anything to be remembered. Anyway, I digress…)

Gypsy: A Musical Fable with music by Jule Styne, lyrics by Stephen Sondheim, and book by Arthur Laurents, burst into the world and onto the New York stage in May of 1959. After closing on Broadway in March 1961, Ethel Merman as the world’s original Mama Rose herself led the first national tour off almost immediately around the country. Just a few months later, a second national touring company was formed, starring Mitzi Green and then Mary McCarty as Rose, to cover more cities than the original. It is here that Bernadette comes in.

A 13-year-old Bernadette Peters found herself part of this show in her “first professional” on-the-road production, travelling across the country with her older sister, “Donna (who was also in the show), and their mother (who wasn’t)”.

The tour played through cities like Philadelphia, Chicago, New Haven, Baltimore and Las Vegas before closing in Ohio in 1962. Somewhat uncannily, its September 1961 opening night in Detroit’s Schubert Theatre even returns matters full circle to the 2003 revival and New York’s own Schubert Theatre.

Indeed this bus-and-truck tour was somewhat of a turning point for Bernadette. She’d later remember, “I mostly thought of performing as a hobby until I went on the road with Gypsy”.

But while this production seminally marked a notable moment for the young actress as well as the point where her long and consequential involvement with Gypsy begins, it’s important to recognise she was very much not yet the star of the show and then only a small part of a larger whole.

Bernadette was with the troupe as a member of the ensemble. She took on different positions in the company through the period of nearly a year that the show ran for, including billing as ‘Thelma’ (one of the Hollywood Blondes), ‘Hawaiian Girl’, and additional understudy credits for Agnes and Dainty June.

The above photo shows Bernadette (left) with another member of the ensemble (Sharon McCartin) backstage at the Chicago Opera House as one of the stops along the tour. Her comment on the stage of the Chicago theatre – “I’d never seen anything so big in my life!” – undeniably conveys how her experiences were new and appreciably daunting.

Along the tour, she assumed centre-stage once or twice as the understudy for Dainty June, but playing the young star was not her main role. Unlike what more dominant memory of the story seems to purport.

Main credits of June went instead to Susie Martin – a name and a tale of truth-bending that’s now well-known from Bernadette’s concert anecdotes. While performing her solo shows as an adult and singing from Gypsy, Bernadette has often been known to take a moment to penitently atone for historical indiscretions of identity theft or erasure where her mother long ago conveniently left out the “understudy” descriptive when putting down Dainty June on her resumé, in an effort to add weight to the teenager’s list of credits.

Whatever happened to Susie Martin? – many have wondered. Well, she soon left the theatre. But not before appearing in two more regional productions of Gypsy and a 1963 Off-Broadway revival of Best Foot Forward with Liza Minnelli and Christopher Walken.

Bernadette too went on to other regional productions of Gypsy. She spent the summer of 1962 in various summer stock stagings with The Kenley Players, like in Pennsylvania and Ohio, and this time she did indeed get to play June.

Above shows photos from different programmes for these productions. While some may have featured odd forms of photo editing, they at least also bring to attention Rose here being played by none other than Betty Hutton.

The two women couldn’t have been in more different positions when they coalesced in these rough-around-the-edges, small-scale productions. A young Bernadette was broaching summer stock in starting to take on bigger roles in the ascendency to her bright and long career. Meanwhile, Betty found herself there while navigating the descent that followed her sharp but fickle rise to Hollywood fame in the ‘40s and early ‘50s. Top billing Monday, Tuesday you really are touring in stock after all.

While details aren’t plentiful for these productions, it was recounted Betty apparently struggled in performing the role. And understandably so. Following the recent traumatic death of her mother in a house fire, and the birth of her third child shortly before the shows began, it’s not hard to see why her mind might have been elsewhere. Still, she was apparently impressed enough by the younger actress who turned in one of the show’s “creditable performances” to make comment that she would’ve liked Bernadette to play her if a movie were made about her life.

Bernadette might not have done this exactly, but she did go on to revitalise Betty’s best-known movie role, when stepping into Annie Oakley’s shoes in the 1999 Annie Get Your Gun revival. With Bernadette’s first Ethel Merman show under her belt, the ball was soon rolling on her second.

The 2003 production of Gypsy was imminently beckoning as her next successive Broadway musical and it was Arthur Laurents who lit the match to spark Bernadette’s involvement. Laurents, as the show’s original librettist, drove the revival by saying he “didn’t want to see the same Rose” he’d seen before. Going back to June Havoc’s description of her mother as “small” and a “mankiller”, and Arthur’s take that Bernadette sung the part “with more nuance for the lyrics and the character than the others”, the choice of Bernadette was justified. Moreover, “Laurents – whose idea it was to hire her – [said] going against type is exactly the point,” and Sam Mendes, as director, qualified “the tradition of battle axes in that role has been explored”.

So Bernadette also had her own baseline of innate physical similarity to the original Rose Hovick, in addition to her own first-hand memories of the women she’d acted alongside as Rose in her youth to bring into her characterisation of the infamous stage mother.

But there was a third factor beyond those as well to be considered in the personal material she had access to draw from for her characterisation. Namely, her own real life stage mother.

Marguerite Lazzara did share traits with the character of Rose. She too helped herself to silverware from restaurants, and put her daughters in showbusiness for the vicarious thrill. Marguerite had “always wanted to become an actress herself”, but had long been denied her desire by her own mother, who likened actresses to being as “close to a whore as you could be without, you know, getting on your back”.

In that case, to “escape a housewife’s dreary fate in Ozone Park”, Marguerite channelled her latent dream through her pair of young daughters instead, shepherding them out along the road. Thus was produced a trio of the two children ushered around the theatre circuit by the driven mother, forming an undeniable parallelism and a mirror image of both Bernadette’s reality and Gypsy’s core itself. Bernadette didn’t see some of these familial parallels at the time when she was a child, considering “maybe I didn’t want to see” – “didn’t want to see a mother doing that to her daughter”.

It was coming back to the show as an adult that helped Bernadette resolve who her mother was and some of the motivations that had propelled her when Bernadette was still a child. She realised, “I think she thought she was going to die very young”, as her own father died young. So “she was rushing around to get as much of her life as she could in there”.

When she herself returned to the production in playing Rose, Bernadette conceded to sometimes bringing elements of her mother and her driven energy into her portrayal, and admitted too she looked “like her a lot in the role”. You can assess any familial resemblances for yourself, from the images below that show a young Marguerite next to Bernadette in costume as Rose, and then with the pair backstage in 1961 in a dressing room on the tour.

Marguerite was ambitious. From her own personal position and with the restrictions imposed upon her, it was ambition that materialised through her children. Irrevocably, she altered them. She placed Bernadette on TV as a very young child (“I was four when my mother put me in the business”); changed her daughter’s surname (“She told me my real name was too long for the marquees,” or really – “too Italian”); doctored her resumé (“Somehow the word ‘understudy’ vanished. ‘No one will know,’ said Marguerite”); and lightened her hair (“She’d say, ‘Oh, I’m just putting a little conditioner on it.’ But slowly my hair got blonder and blonder!”). All in the hope of giving her child a more favourable chance at the life she’d always wanted for herself.

On paper, a classic stage mother. “When I was a kid, she fulfilled herself through me,” Bernadette would say. “She put me into show business so she could get a taste of the life herself.”

But it’s important to consider Bernadette often qualifies that her mother wasn’t as brutal as Rose, nor was she herself as traumatised as June.

Bernadette didn’t begrudge her mother for her choices – at least by the time she was an adult, she’d rationalised them, explaining “naturally it was more exciting [for her] to go on the road with me than staying home and keeping house”.

As a child, Bernadette hadn’t necessarily wanted to be on stage, but there was a sense of ambivalence – not resentful belligerence – as she “didn’t care one way or the other” when she found herself there.

Like June, Bernadette may have been entered into and coaxed around a path she hadn’t voluntarily chosen. But unlike June, Bernadette had a deal with her mother that “she had only to say the word”, and she could leave.

Most crucially, she never did.

But that’s not to say Bernadette was enamoured with acting from the beginning.

She seemed to feel ‘outside’ of that world and those in it. And others saw it too.

It was in 1961 in Gypsy that Bernadette first met Marvin Laird – her long-time accompanist, conductor and arranger. The way he put it, he “noticed this one young girl, very close with her mother” who, during breaks, “didn’t mix much with the other girls”.

Beneath the effervescent stage persona, there’s a quieter and more reserved reality, and a sense of separation and solitary division.

When asked by Jesse Green in 2003 for the extensive profile in The New York Times if she thought her experiences on the road in Gypsy were good for her at that age, she gives a curious, somewhat abstract, predominantly dark, potentially macabre, response. He wrote:

She doesn’t answer at first but seems to scan an image bank just behind her eyes for something to lock onto. Eventually she comes out with a seeming non sequitur. “I didn’t know how to swim. I remember, in Las Vegas, I fell in, once, and they thought I was flailing, but I felt like: ‘It’s pretty down here!’ I might have been dying and I was thinking: ‘Look at the pretty color!’ And suddenly my fear of water was gone, and I could have stayed in forever.” After a while, I realize she’s answered my question. Then she dismisses the image: “But I had to get my hair dry for the show that day, so up I came.”

I’m still not entirely sure I know what she’s trying to convey here. My interpretation of this anecdote changes as I have re-visited and re-examined it on multiple occasions at different time points. It’s arguably multiply polysemic.

Was she simply swept up in a moment of childlike distraction, lost in the temporary respite alone away from the usual noise and clamour? Was she indicating comprehension that her feelings and perspectives came secondary to any practical necessities and inevitable responsibilities? Was she using the water to depict a muffling and fishbowl-like detachment from others her age who got to live more ‘ordinary’ lives in the ‘normal’ world above that she felt separate from? Was she referencing the pretty colours she saw as a metaphor for show business and how she became bewitched by them even despite potential dangers? Was she trying to legitimately drown herself, or at least exhibiting an ambivalence again as to whether she lived or died, because of what the highly pressurised demands on her felt like?

The underlying sentiment through her response in answer to Green’s primary question was that, in essence – no. Being a child actor was not “over all, a good experience for a youngster”.

Acting might have been something she fell in love with over time, but not all at once, not right from the beginning, and not without noting its perils.

It was a matter of accidental circumstance that landed Bernadette in the show business world to begin with at such a young age in the first place – “I just found myself here,” she would offer.

Her mother, who was “always crazy about the stage”, “insisted” that her sister, Donna take lessons in singing, dancing and acting.

A further point of interest to note is that, although it was Bernadette with her new surname who would grow up to be the famous actress, look to the cast lists from the 1961 touring production of Gypsy that featured both sisters in the company (see photo below) and you’ll find no ‘Lazzara’ in sight. Donna too, appearing under the novel moniker of “Donna Forbes”, had also already become stagified (nay, ethnically neutralised?) by her mother. As such it is clearly demonstrated that Marguerite’s intention at that point was to make stars of both her daughters. Correspondingly so, when her sister returned from her performance lessons some years before, “Donna would come home and teach me what she had learned,” Bernadette remembered. She may have gotten her “training second hand”, but the key element was that she got it.

For Bernadette, it was a short jump from emulating magpied tricks from her sister as well as routines from Golden Age Busby Berkeley musicals on the ‘Million Dollar Movie’ in front of the TV screen, to her mother getting her on the other side of the screen and actually performing on TV itself – belting out Sophie Tucker impressions aged five for all the nation to see.

The photos below show Bernadette in performative situations at a young age (look for criss-crossed laces in the second for identification).

“At first, as a toddler, Bernadette enjoyed performing; it came naturally, a form of play that people inexplicably liked to watch.” It was “just a hobby” and she “wanted to do it”.

But while she may not have detested it, she didn’t entirely comprehend what was going on either. “I didn’t even know I was on TV,” she said. “I didn’t know that those big gadgets pointed at me were cameras and that they had anything to do with what people saw on the television set.”

When she started gaining more of an awareness of how “such play [was being] co-opted for commercial purposes”, she grew less enthralled. “She didn’t care for the bizarre children, accompanied by desperate mothers, she began to see at auditions: ‘They spent their whole time smiling for no reason, you know?’”

Being a child who had become sentient of being a child performer began to grow wearisome and grating to the young girl who had her equity card, a professional (and strange, new) stage name, and an increasingly long list of expectations by the time she was nine. There’s a keen sense she did not enjoy being in such a position: “I wouldn’t want to be a child again. When you’re a child, you have thoughts, but nobody listens to you. Nobody has any respect for you”.

Gypsy did indeed mark a turning point for Bernadette as mentioned above – but not just in the way that seems obvious. Looking back at it now, it does appear the monumental turning point at which she started appearing in significant and reputable productions, beginning what would be the foundation to her ‘professional’ career. However it was also the turning point after which she nearly quit the business altogether.

When she returned from performing in Gypsy, Bernadette felt like she’d had enough. One way of putting it was that she “then retired from the business to attend high school”, wanting to have some semblance of a normal scholastic experience “without the interruptions”. But whatever dissatisfaction she was feeling as an early adolescent on stage, she didn’t resolve at school – going as far as saying that while at Quintano’s School for Young Professionals, “she was in pain”.

“When you’re a teenager you’re too aware of yourself,” she recalled. Being a teen and trying to come to terms with of the expectation of the ‘60s that “you are supposed to look like Twiggy, and you don’t, you feel everything is wrong about you”. Everything “was all about tall, skinny, no chest…[and] hair straight”. Little Bernadette with her “mass of [curly] hair and distracting bosom”, as Alex Witchel put it, was never going to fit that mould. “That was not me,” she stated. “At all.”

Her self-consciousness grew to the point that it became overwhelming and asphyxiating. “I was trying desperately to blend in and be normal, but that doesn’t allow creativity to come out,” Bernadette said. “I knew I was acting terrible. The words were sticking in my mouth and all I could think about was how I looked”. It was hard enough just to look at herself (“I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror”), let alone to have other people gawk at her on stage. So she stopped trying. She “didn’t work much from age 13 to 17” in the slightest. Bernadette would later reflect in 1981 in an atypically open and vulnerable interview, “I was very insecure. Insecurity is poison. It’s like wearing chains”.

It was a combination of factors that helped her overcome these feelings of such toxic and weighty burden to draw her back into the public world of performing and the stage. “The two people who helped her most, she says, were David LeGrant, her first acting teacher, and her vocal coach, Jim Gregory.” Jim helped with “[opening] a whole creative world for [her] with singing”; and it was David who’d give her the now infamous and often (mis)quoted line about individuality and being yourself.

Having these kinds of lessons, she reasoned, was “really a wonderful emotional outlet for a kid of 17”. The process of it all was beneficial for her therapeutically – “you have a lot of emotions at that time in your life, and it was great to go to an acting class and use them up”. And Bernadette felt freer on stage than she did out on her own in the ‘real world’, saying “[up there] I don’t have to worry about what I’m doing or saying because I’m doing and saying what I’m supposed to be doing and saying”.

Finally then and with considerable bolstering and support, she grew comfortable with the notion of being visible on stage and in public, and realised she was never going to blend in as part of the chorus so it was simply better to let go of such a futile pursuit.

David LeGrant’s guiding advice to Bernadette (“You’ve got to be original, because if you’re like everyone else, what do they need you for?”) wasn’t just a trite aphorism. For her, it was a life raft. It was the key mental framing device that allowed her to comprehend for the first time that she might actually have intrinsic value as herself. And that it was imperative she let herself use it.

She had always stuck out, yes, but she had to learn how to want to be seen – talking of it as a conscious “choice” she had to make when realising she did “have something to offer”.

Thus soon after Bernadette graduated, she stepped back into productions like in summer stock and then Off-Broadway as she made her debut at that next theatrical level at 18. It wasn’t long before she was discovered in what’s seen as her big break in the unexpected smash hit, Dames at Sea. And so Bernadette Peters, the actress, was back. And she was back with impact and force.

Besides, as she’s also said, she couldn’t do anything else – “if I ever had to do something else to earn a living, I’d be at a total loss”. An aptitude test as a teenager told her so apparently, when she “got minus zero in everything except Theater Arts”. So that was that. Her answer for what she would’ve done if she’d never found acting is both paradoxically exultant and macabre – “I don’t know, probably shot myself!”

Flippant? Maybe. Trivial? No.

Acting is thus undoubtedly related highly to Bernadette’s sense of purpose and self-worth. This is what makes it even more apparent that a show with such personal and historical connections for her, as in Gypsy, was going to be so consequential and impactful to be a part of again as an adult and perform on a public stage.

She’s called inhabiting the role of Rose in the 2003 revival many things: “deeply personal”, “life changing”, “like going through therapy” – to name a few.

In interviews regarding Gypsy and playing the main character, when asked what she had learnt, Bernadette would frequently say something like, “It taught me a lot”. Pressed further about specifics, her answers often hem close to vague platitudes as she maintains her normal tendency of endeavouring to keep her privacy close to her chest.

On one occasion, she actually elaborated somewhat on what she’d learnt, giving a fuller answer than the question is normally afforded anyhow. Beyond all it revealed to her about her mother, she extended to admitting “my capacity for love and my capacity for anger” as aspects in her that the show had permanently altered. Moreover, Rose to her was undoubtedly the “most rewarding and fulfilling acting experience” she had ever had.

But while such deep, personal and emotional depths and memories were being stirred up beneath the surface in private, she was getting vilified in public singularly and repeatedly by New York Post columnist, Michael Riedel.

Even before she’d set foot on stage, Riedel set forth in motion early in the 2003 season a campaign of vocal and opinionated defamation against Bernadette as Rose that she was miscast, insufficiently talented, and would be incapable of executing the role.

Too small, too delicate, too weak, too many curves (and too much knowledge of how to use them). Not bold enough, not loud enough – not Merman enough. Chatter and speculative dissent begun to grow in and around the Broadway theatres.

For such a prestigious and historic musical theatre role, it was always going to be hard to erase the large shadow of an original Merman mould. Ethel was woven into the very fabric of the show, with the rights to Gypsy Rose Lee’s memoirs being obtained at her behest in the first place, and the idiosyncrasies of her voice having been written into the songs themselves by their very authors.

To step out from such a domineering legacy would be a marked challenge at the best of times. Let alone when battling a respiratory infection.

Matters of public perception were certainly not helped when Bernadette then got ill as the show started its preview period and she started missing early performances.

Nor did it help with critical perception that the Tony voting period coincided so synchronously with Gypsy’s first opening months – giving Bernadette no time to recover, find her feet, and settle more healthily into the show for the rest of the run before the all important decisions were made by that omnipotent committee.

The tale of her illness is actually undercut by a more innocent and unsuspecting origin than you’d expect from all the drama and trouble it engendered. Bernadette decided nearing the show’s opening to treat herself to a manicure. In the salon, she was next to a woman very close to her with a frightful sounding cough. Who could’ve known then that this anonymous and inconspicuous lady through a fateful cause-and-event chain would go on to play such a part in what is among the biggest and most enduring Tony Awards “She was robbed!” discourses? Or even more broadly – in also arguably playing a hand in the closure and financial failure of an $8.5 million Broadway show after its disappointing performance at the Tony Awards that ominously “[spelled] trouble at the box office” and led to its premature demise?

Bernadette did not win the Best Actress in a Musical Tony that night on June 6th 2004. The award went instead (not un-controversially) to newcomer Marissa Jaret Winokur for Hairspray.

She did however give one of the most indelibly resonant and frequently re-referenced solo performances at the awards show just before she lost – defying detractors to comprehend how she could be unworthy of the accolade with a rendition of ‘Rose’s Turn’ that has apocryphally earned one of the longest standing ovations seen after such a performance even to date.

Even further and even more apocryphally, she reportedly did so while still under the weather as legend as circulated by musical theatre fans goes – performing “against doctor’s orders” with stories that have her being “afflicted with anything from a 103-degree fever, to pneumonia, to a collapsed lung”.

Seeing then as unfortunately there is no Tony Award speech to draw on here, matter shall be retrieved fittingly from that which she gave just a few years earlier in 1999 for her first win and previous Ethel Merman role in Annie Get Your Gun to wrap all of this together.

As has been illustrated, there are many arguably scary or alarming aspects in Bernadette’s Gypsy narrative. There’s undeniably much darkness and an ardent clamouring for meaning and self-realisation along the road that tracks her journey parallel to the show. But unlike Rose’s hopeless decries of “Why did I do it?” and “What did it get me?”, there was a point for Bernadette.

As her emotional tribute in 1999 went: “I want to thank my mother, who 48 years ago put me in showbusiness. And I want to finally, officially, say to her – thank you. For giving me this wonderful experience and this journey.”

Whatever all of this was, maybe it was worth it after all.

[pillow-anime-talk]

their choice. {pt.1}

synopsis: Do they feel better in a friendly relation or in a partnership? Which is more suited to the two of you?

# tags: headcanons; friendships & current relationships; mild romance; fluff; light yandere behavior for chrollo and feitan; sfw + suggestive for machi

includes: gender neutral reader ft. chrollo lucilfer, nobunaga hazama, feitan portor, machi komacine, kalluto zoldyck & phinks magcub {hxh}

part two {click}

— CHROLLO

↘ PARTNERSHIP; I imagine Chrollo could be in a relationship for two simple reasons. The first is your nen, that he would like to steal or make good use of by offering you to join the Phantom Troupe. The second reason, on the other hand, is a little less likely, but I still think it might be real. It’s just a fact that even though Chrollo is the leader of the Spiders and he definitely doesn’t like showing positive emotions, there is still a shadow of a chance for him to fall in love with someone. If he were to fall in love with you, you would have to be an ordinary, delicate person, without nen, without blood lust, without special features. He would just have to fall in love with your little heart and calm disposition. You would be a small oasis and a comfortable place for him.

↘ An additional variant is a slightly toxic friendship with benefits due to the fact that the group leader has no problem with manipulating your emotions.

— NOBUNAGA

↘ PARTNERSHIP; he’s an adult male and I think he’s quite old fashioned therefore I imagine him with a normal woman/man/person. For example, he would meet you in a park or coffee shop, and over time he would fall in love with your lifestyle, voice, smile or ideas. He would definitely consider you as his tiny treasure and would be the perfect partner and then also a fiancé and husband. He’s the type of forward-thinking person that would definitely like to start a family (or adopt some cute animals)!

↘ An additional variant is a normal, healthy friendship based on spending time together at your/his home, reading books and watching movies over a cup of hot tea or dry wine.

— FEITAN

↘ PARTNERSHIP; I imagine this relation to be somewhat toxic, but at the same time showing a desire for care and compassion. Feitan is definitely the yandere type who would be jealous of you at all times and would love to show other people who you belong to. It doesn’t matter if you would talk to the boss of the Troupe, to the harmless Kortopi, to your younger cousin or to a friend from elementary school. He will definitely look at you with a sharp gaze or hug your waist, pressing your body against his. So you have to be careful because your boyfriend gets angry really fast.

↘ An additional variant is a friendship, which is a long-term friendship from childhood, thanks to which Feitan feels a little more positive emotions towards you and is even sincerely nice to you.

— MACHI

↘ FRIENDSHIP WITH BENEFITS; not only sexual, but above all, they are financial benefits, benefits due to work, the possibility of staying overnight or having dinner. Machi honestly likes you and there are days when you both need a meeting and recreation. SPA, sauna, hot springs, ‘date’ in a cafe or your home are the perfect moments to relax your thoughts and muscles. And when it comes to any sexual acts, I think it can’t get any better.

↘ An additional variant is a normal friendship, focusing primarily on conversations and advices, for example about relationships, work or clothes.

— KALLUTO

↘ FRIENDSHIP; Kalluto is still a young child, so I see you as friends with elements of ‘big sis/bro and little bro’ dynamic. He will definitely see his new, older siblings in you and will very often go on missions with you. He’ll feel the need to protect you, even if you can do your job all by yourself. But please don’t forbid him to do even your duties, because we all know that he enjoys it and feels appreciated... Especially when you pat him on the head, take him for an ice cream dessert or buy him a warm, delicious dinner.

↘ I don’t see any other variants. Unless you want to adopt him, then I see a headcanons where you are his mom/dad/parent.

— PHINKS

↘ PARTNERSHIP; he’s the perfect second half! He is a gentleman who is smart, funny, gallant, and I think that with his partner he’s also very modest and really lovely. Sometimes he will make a comical mistake (for example, on your date, he will mistake salt for sugar or put on two different socks), but this only adds to his person’s charm. He and Nobunaga are definitely the best choice when it comes to your significant other! I also think Phinks can cook well, so just marry him, lmao.

↘ Another option is friendship, which is very close, even intimate. Perhaps friendship and a tiny crush at the same time? Yes, that’s definitely it.

[buddielove]

Hi! I'm a gay fan of 911 and I have a question about the whole Buddie fandom. As much as I like Buck and Eddie, it's frustrating that a HUGE part of the fandom is pushing for these two characters to get together instead of putting energy into supporting Hen & Carla and Michael & Dave. Not to mention Carlos and TK in Lone Star. Can you explain to me the appeal of wanting these two men together? Wouldn't it be more interesting to see two heterosexual males just be able to bond in a non-toxic fashion? That's something we don't get to see often on television.

Hey! This is MAD long lmao I am so sorry! You caught me on a day I felt like talking! Also this took like a year to answer you lolololol. This does have a few ʻhot takesʻ so please be warned! So like in this essay....

So first I am also apart of the LGBTQIA+ community, so I do understand how it could come across as a fetish or being non supportive of the current canonically LGBTQIA+ characters, however I think a lot of the interest around Buddie and the want for them to be confirmed as a couple is how they are being written. Me personally I knew since s2 e1 Buck and Eddie were written not as rivals but as two people who would eventually become friends, but it wasn’t until the Christmas episode with the elf assuming Buck was Chris’s dad and Eddie’s partner that I was like ‘hold on!’ because I was really hoping Abbey would return and I didn’t see Eddie as a possible Buck live interest because of that. The elf’s comment wasn’t played off like most other shows would (think Dean and Sam arriving anywhere in Supernatural) it made me go back and look at the other episodes to see exactly how Buck and Eddie were being framed/written. And as we have moved into further seasons I think there has been a shift in how Buddie is being written, in s3 it was very much like two people progressing into a deeper friendship then the blood clot/lawsuit gets in the way and they both have to deal with emotions surrounding that, then Buck’s response to Eddie being trapped (we see how is he when Boddy is trapped in a fire WITH A GUNMAN, it’s emotional but not to the point is is with Eddie), even the love interests feel very pushed on us and there’s so little banter between Buddie about their gfs and how they feel about these new beginnings. It feels off, not like a friendship in the slightest, more like two people trying to force something and not wanting to deal with any other feelings. Then when Eddie gets shot and reveals Buck is Chris’s legal Guardian in the event Eddie dies, that’s huge, and he did this after only a year of knowing Buck (I have friends with kids. I’ve known one of them for FIVE years, I’m at their house every week, the kid calls me family. I’m person #10 on the list of ‘who gets my kid if I die’, not #1 lol) It just feels like it’s all building up to something, and people are getting tired of waiting for that something! We’re all emotionally tired from the past two years, and probably from many shows queerbaiting us and this is something that could happen, seems to be something the actors are ok with and the fans want. So why do they keep drawing it out. This isn’t about us demanding they ignore the chance to write a healthy platonic male friendship, or forcing two characters to be gay, it’s about holding the writers to what they’ve implied and seeing what could come of it.

Also think of it like this; If Buddie is confirmed it will still be a good example of a healthy friendship which then developed into something else, like Booth/Bones! Showing the natural progression of friendship to relationship that happens a lot in real life. It’s two men who previously (on screen at least) have only been with woman, but now they have an emotionally connection with someone which they then develop and explore. This could be 911’s first nontoxic depiction of two gay characters coming together, because sorry not sorry the canon couples aren’t perfect (which does humanize them) but they also reenforce harmful troupes that plaque the LGBTQIA+ community, which I’m sure you understand: TK was a drug addict, who only got with Carlos at first cause he was hot and sex was TK’s new addition (all gay men are sex addicts who do drugs and sleep with anything that moves). Carlos was ashamed and wanted to keep TK on the downlow (poc gay men want to pretend to be straight but have free access to gay sex). Hen cheated on Karen seemingly the first chance she got (lesbians can’t handle monogamy when pushed, and cheat on their long term partners). All known and documented troupes that happen far too often.

I’m not saying Buddie is some gay jesus ship that’s gonna save the entertainment industry but if done right it could prove to be one of the few healthy depictions of two men getting into a gay relationship we have. If they plan it out correctly, show us the relationship development, like they did with Maddie/Chim for example, Buddie could be used as a positive example of a gay fictional relationship (I really could go into depth about this. I probably should tbh).

As for not supporting Hen and KAREN, or Michael and DAVID, I think fans do support them! The writers don’t. If you read fanfics Henren and Michael/David are featured heavily in many fics, and ik some people might say ‘well they’re only there so Buddie can talk about their gay side!!’ but both these couples have their own fans and fanfic tags! They aren’t just plot devices in Buddie stories. There is a huge side of the fandom that supports Henren and wants to see more of them and their family. Same with Michael and David, during the episode where Michael and Bobby team up to find that plastic surgeon who was working illegally many people where ecstatic that we were getting more Michael/David content and that David was getting more than a couple lines. But sadly it seems like the writers only want to delve into these story lines when they need filler, they even miss opportunities to include these other LGBTQIA+ characters when it makes sense;

(Someone came for me about this but I am going to bring it up again)

When Chris is sad and wants more human connection, instead of bring Harry + Michael/David and Denny+Nia+Henren back into the picture (and yes I understood at the time the pandemic was bad (lmao still is!!), but all the actors at some point would have/had crossed over into each other’s ‘bubbles’, so ALL the actors would have been exposed to each other so getting the children together with adults they had ALREADY been with during shooting wouldn’t have been a super spreader event) but instead they brought in Ana after only two on screen dates and pretended like it was a logical thing for someone who’s up to that point been extremely careful with their child.

They really could have pushed the ‘118 is a family!’ message here and included the canonically gay supporting characters, and the lesbian main character(s) but they did not and instead chose to push the Ana/Eddie coupling even though they hadn’t properly developed it yet. The writers themselves don’t seem to care about developing their canonically gay characters and including them more than they have to but fans are continuously developing Henren and Michael/David with hc and fics.

I’d like to use your logic against you for a second, in s1 we have a very healthy, platonic friendship between Chim/Bobby but that got written out to the point they are more like boss/employee unless the scene calls for them to seem closer, we now have Bobby and Michael friendship but again we hardly see Michael. On Lone Star we have Owen and Judd as a really, really good example of a healthy male friendship but we see Judd more often with Tommy now then we do with Owen, and in s2 it’s overshadowed by Owen trusting Charlie from Twilight and constantly getting fucked over! Why can’t the writter just be happy with these happy, healthy, emotionally well male-male friendship they’ve already included and expand upon them. There’s enough drama because the show literally involves burning buildings and people’s lives being at risk from some natural/man made disaster ever 12 seconds. Does it need to have so much interpersonal conflict and male peacocking??

[a3shithole]

Hi! If requests are open could i request Masumi with a new reader who just joined the spring truope (who at first is really quiet but when they open up their chaotic side comes out) and he finds himself slowly falling for them and moving on from Izumi?

Bonus if the reader is a meme lord and does the most weird/cursed things for funzies and enjoys making their friends laugh with their stupid shenanigans.

This is such an interesting idea! I feel honored to receive this, thank you for requesting! ⌒°ʚ(ෆ❛ั ᴗ ❛ัʃƪ)ɞ♡°⌒

This will be my third time writing him, and all of them are from requests haha (≡^∇^≡) I honestly had a hard time writing chaotic reader, let alone a meme lord type of person, so I'm sorry in advance that this turns really cringy (^^")

Sorry that I'm slow at doing requests, I was too absorbed into A3!'s last event (Various Vow of Love) haha >///<

Also happy early birthday Masumi! Hope you like this and have a nice day 🌻

Masumi x reader (gender-neutral)

Reader is a new member of Spring Troupe

1294 word

He's been frowning ever since this morning.

Masumi usually still half-asleep when it's time for morning rehearsal, but his eyes turn wide open, as soon as the Director walks into the room. With a stranger. Closely stand near Izumi.

That stranger is you.

Izumi introduces you as the new member for Spring Troupe from now on. You meekly said your name to everyone in the room. The members of Spring Troupe welcomed you with open arms, making sure you adapt to the new environment feeling comfortable. Except for Masumi.

He despises how physically close you are to the Director on the whole rehearsal. He is jealous of how the Director gave her full attention to you. And he almost tackles you--thanks to Chikage and Itaru who holds him--because you praised how tasty Izumi's curry at lunchtime, and resulting in you getting an extra portion from her.

He hates you as the new rookie who's trying to steal the Director away from him.

You are aware of how Masumi has been staring at you since you arrived here. You just didn't understand what did you do to upset him.

"Don't mind him," you turned your head to the other member of Spring Troupe that's been playing on his phone--Itaru was it?

Easier said than done

You exhaled, not realizing you've been holding your breath. You are shy when you are in a new place, but with the addition of someone having vendetta towards you on the first day?

"Umm... Did I do something wrong to him?" you asked the gamer besides you.

"Nope. It's just him being his usual self," he answered casually while still focusing on attacking a slime creature on his phone.

"He is extremely inflated when it comes to the Director, you see~"

"Infatuate. And he's been like that towards the Director for years now. I'm sorry you're experiencing this on your first day."

You just nod to the foreigner and the playwright as a response. While it's a bit of a relief that it was not your fault for him to stare at you full of hatred, if looks could kill, you'd be dead by now.

You yelped in surprise when you realized Masumi stood beside you, staring you down like a small critter getting cornered by a predator. Before you even open your mouth to ask him, he cut you off with a harsh tone.

"Don't go near the Director."

"Masumi!"

And just like that, he went back to his room.

It was a short sentence coming out from his mouth, yet you felt like part of your soul just left your body. It's going to be such a long journey being on this troupe, you thought.

.

It's been a month since you joined Mankai Company and being part of the Spring troupe. You are mostly silent for the first two weeks, not knowing what to say and only answering stuff if it's directly aimed at you. Masumi still glares at you whenever the Director interacts with you, but that's about it.

But as time goes by, getting a bit more comfortable with everyone on the troupe, doing rehearsal is fun. You start to open up, revealing your true, loud personality to the rest of the members. And with that, Spring Troupe slowly rivals the energy of the Summer Troupe with you in the troupe. Poor Tsuzuru basically got another nuisance to take care of, he felt like he grew more white hair every time watching your shenanigans.

But it was also a fresh atmosphere for the spring troupe. Every rehearsal became so colorful and fun with you around. You love everyone in Mankai, and so do they.

And something changed with Masumi.

Every time you crack some jokes or do some stupid stuff, you do notice he always stares at you. Like, observing your every movement. Not with the ill-intent he does the first few days you join the troupe. Because when you stare back at him, he averted his gaze away from you.

Is he perhaps shy?

Because of that, you have a new mission to do; being besties with Usui Masumi!

"Bruh," you said, poking a certain gamer besides you, "how do you befriend an emo psycho?"

"You don't."

"Man, you're useless."

He throws the towel drenched with his sweats, making you shriek in disgust.

"That is so not pogchamp, dude," you said, throwing the towel back, away from your face to Itaru who is just dabbing.

"Please stop. You two are hurting me," Tsuzuru said from the other side of the room. You and Itaru look at each other and unanimously agree to do an outdated viral dance, earning a loud groan from the playwright.

.

"Masumiii! Check your LIME!" you yelled across the room one day. You've been trying your best to be close with Usui Masumi. And you're not going to lie, but it's so hard, especially with his lack of response in general.

"No."

"But I sent you some banger memes!"

"Don't care."

"It's Director's faves!"

And with the speed of light, he unlocked his phone to see the abomination you sent into his inbox.

"...why is this ugly dog hitting another dog with a baseball bat?"

"That's you."

"...what?"

You scoot closer to him as he scrolls on his phone, looking at all the crap you sent to him. You just laugh and try to explain each individual picture to him. It's amusing to see him so bewildered.

"Why are you sending me all these unfunny pictures?"

"You make friends by sending them memes! I think it's working, don't you think?!"

"No."

"Gah, so cold!"

"Ooh! Is that the Shoes Camel meme?"

You jumped when one of your fellow troupe mates chimed in to see at Masumi's screen, "Close Ronron! But the name's Suez Canal!"

You two start chatting animately about the recent accident-that-ended-up-being-a-meme, while also edging Masumi to also be involved in the conversation. Then the other four members of Spring Troupe slowly join into your conversation.

It feels weird, Masumi thought to himself.

On how natural you lift up the atmosphere in an instant, even though everything that came out of your mouth sounds ridiculous for him.

Maybe he judged you a bit harshly just because...

What, jealousy?

Why?

.

Masumi is confused.

This feeling...

He was so sure that he is so in love with the Director, he even prepared their wedding plan and their honeymoon.

Was.

And then you entered Mankai. And his life.

Never in his life, he felt this conflicted.

Recently he catches himself thinking about you randomly. When listening to a song. Or eating his lunch.

And he feels warm when you're around. The way you talk to him is... different. It doesn't feel like this when he talks to Izumi.

...why was he so obsessed with Izumi to begin with anyway?

Masumi is indeed confused.

"Hey," he jolted from a sudden touch from someone on his shoulder. Turning his head, you are standing behind him, with concern plastered on your face.

"You've been standing here for a long time, are you okay?" he relaxed a bit, "...yeah."

You might be annoying at times, but not the over-bearing type from his view, but you know when to tone down your usual energy, "hmm... just know that if you need any help, I'm here for you. I might be useless, but I'm not as useless as the 'G' in Lasagna!"

He realizes that maybe, he was too naïve for clinging onto what he felt for Izumi. He needs to grow as a person, sure, he loves Izumi. But he now realizes it's not that kind of love. With his newfound feeling towards you, however. It feels different.

For the first time, you see a smile on his face.

[feitan-apologist]

Feitan x Reader (Not SFW)

Content Warnings: 18+ only, Noncon (dead dove do not eat), kidnapping+imprisonment, whipping, orgasm control, forced orgasm, verbal degradation

AFAB reader

Synopsis: reader is a beginner nen user and has been investigating the phantom troupe. instead of killing them, our smol sadist decides kidnapping them to play with might be more fun :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The moment you regain consciousness, you know something is wrong.

Your awareness comes back slowly, dragging itself up out of a murky haze, and with it discomfort. The first stirring of alarm comes when you try to move your arms. Still shrouded in fog, you strain for a few futile seconds before realizing that your arms are tied behind your back, you think with rope, and you can’t move them at all. The stiffness in your shoulders tells you that you’ve been positioned like this for a while.

Instinctively, you call forth your En, wanting to know where you are and what - or who - is around you. But when you reach for the power that’s simmered under your skin for the past year, always ready, always accessible, something just… doesn’t connect. You still have a life force, obviously, but it feels blocked off somehow, like it’s just beyond your reach, fingertips brushing it but unable to grasp ahold.

The twinge of alarm in your chest has ballooned into panic, and you start to sweat, heart hammering against the inside of your chest. From the feel of it, your ankles are tied to the legs of a narrow table that you’re currently bent over, holding your legs spread open; in addition to your arms bound behind you by an intricate braid of rope that secures you from shoulder to wrist, you can feel something fitted snugly around your neck. As you open your eyes, seeing nothing but a blank, dark wall in front of you, your attempt to lift your head is stopped with a jolt as the short chain attaching your collar to the table snaps taut. And most insidiously, the chilled air brushing against your skin tells you that you’re completely naked.

As your brain processes all this new information, a single coherent thought pops into your head - oh, fuck.

“You’re awake.”

The quiet voice behind you makes you freeze. You stop breathing, every muscle tense, as the voice’s owner slowly steps into your field of vision, and when you see who it is, you could swear your heart stops beating.

“Feitan.” Your strangled whisper, barely audible even to you, prompts the corner of his mouth to rise imperceptibly. The Phantom Troupe’s torturer stands relaxed before you, shirtless, pale chest shining in the dim light. His face is impassive; he seems completely emotionless as he stares down at you, bound and growing increasingly panicked before him.

“You can’t use your Nen,” he says in that soft, unsettling voice of his. “I’m sure you’ve noticed by now. But there’s no point in trying. You can’t escape.”

“W-Why am I here?” you choke out, every muscle in your body still rigid. You can’t stand to meet his gaze; instead, your eyes stare straight ahead, unblinking.

“You were getting a little too nosy for our liking. I was just going to kill you, but when we were going through your computer, we saw some… interesting things in your search history. I was so surprised, a bland little thing like you… I decided it would be a shame to kill you without playing with you first.”

You recoil in disgust at his choice of words. What the fuck?? What is he talking about? Your mind scrambles for a response, but he continues before you can get a word in.

“I can tell you’re afraid.” He removes a hand from his pocket and cups your chin, tilting your head as far as the collar and chain will allow and forcing you to lock eyes with him. He smiles, and your blood runs cold. The look in his eyes is unmistakably that of a predator sizing up its prey. “That’s good. You should be.”

With that word, he releases you, striding back around the table where you can’t see him. You strain your head, trying to track his movements, but the collar gives you a very limited range of vision. “Wait!” you cry, “what are you - please, what do you want? I’ll - I’ll give you what you want, just please let me go.” Your voice comes out terribly weak-sounding, and you inwardly scream, pulling against your restraints with a renewed vigor, desperately trying to conjure forth the Nen that continues to elude your grasp. He snickers, the sound coming from a good distance away, so you jump in shock when his hand caresses your ass a moment later, leaving goosebumps in its wake. You shrink from his touch, shrink from the thought of what your revealing position, bent over like this, implies. No… he wouldn’t… he can’t…

“I already have what I want. I’ve caught you, and now I get to have my fun with you.” There’s no mistaking the glee in his voice, filling you with dread, your mind whirring ever faster toward the inescapable truth of the situation. His hand slips away from your ass, and you hear a faint rustling - he’s holding something, but you don’t know what. The seconds tick past, no indication of movement from behind you, and you find yourself holding your breath in anticipation. Your heartbeat thuds against the table, against the inside of your chest, the utter silence threatening to drown you, the blood roaring in your ears, what is he going to do to me, oh god oh god oh god-

Your thoughts are cut off as the whip cracks across your ass, hard, and you scream - honestly at first merely from the shock of the impact and the loud noise, adrenaline numbing your senses. But a moment later the pain registers in your brain, a line of white-hot fire running across your backside, and your throat tightens, breathing growing fast and shallow. “Feitan, please-”

“Oh, that hurts, does it? I thought you were tougher than that.”

The whip slashes you again, lower this time, leaving another line of heat in its wake. “Stop!” you cry, desperately fighting back the tears forming in your eyes. He laughs wordlessly, letting a long, silent second stretch out before slashing you again, then again, each crack of the whip punctuated by your cries. You strain your head, trying to see where he is so you can anticipate when the next hit will come, but he’s out of your field of vision - the only thing you can see is the blank wall in front of you. He’s varying the amount of time between whips on purpose, you realize, sometimes landing three or four in agonizingly quick succession, sometimes letting long seconds stretch between each one. The anticipation has you shivering, squirming in your tight constraints, not knowing when the next lick of pain will cut into your flesh. He’s trying to get inside your head, amplify your fear and helplessness, make you weak.

And fuck, it’s working. You’ve taken worse than this in training, far worse, and he’s right, you are tougher than this. A whipping should not be enough to have you undone, tears now streaming down your cheeks, body flinching as the blows land across your exposed ass and thighs. Except… training had also never left you with this terrible tension between your legs. The criss-crossing web of angry red marks Feitan’s whip had created were practically glowing with heat, and while the stinging, burning sensation was undoubtedly painful, with the anticipation and the fear and your adrenaline-addled brain… it also felt a whole lot like pleasure.

As the whip landed again, the cry you let out was unmistakably close to a moan. You could hear the delight in Feitan’s voice as he stepped closer, running a hand across the angry flesh of your backside, his cool fingers tracing the lines he’d made. “Like I said, I was surprised at the things you watched to get off. We share many of the same tastes, you know. But between the two of us, we both know which one is the little masochist.” At the word masochist, his hand dips between your legs and strokes the wetness that’s gathered there. You gasp as his fingers find your clit, swirling over it in a motion that draws a moan equal parts shame and desire from your lips. “What a fucking slut you are,” he murmurs, “getting wet from me whipping you. You’re pathetic.” You cry out as he slides two fingers into you, curling them against just the right spot.

“Don’t,” you whimper, “please.”

“Oh, you don’t think this feels good?” Feitan asks. “Fine. Maybe you’ll prefer this.” His fingers slip out of you and you can hear him rummaging with something underneath the table. Realization dawns on you as a telltale buzzing starts up, a moment before he presses the vibrator against your clit. You moan, back arching involuntarily as you press down onto the wand, shame flooding through you a moment later at how good it feels.

“No, stop, don’t… don’t make me-”

“Oh, I’m not making you do anything,” Feitan says, securing the vibrator in place and sliding his fingers back into you. He leans over you, drawing his fingers in and out in a slow, consistent rhythm. “It’s not my fault you’re a little painslut that gets off from me hurting you.” He lowers his head to your bare shoulder, and as you feel his cool breath on your hot skin, you wonder if he is bizarrely going to kiss you. When his mouth meets your flesh, however, it’s his teeth that sink in, eliciting a new, different sort of pain. You can’t help but moan as he harshly works his mouth on you, sucking and biting your skin in a way you know is going to leave a bruise. You writhe, trying to get away from the sensations of pain, of pleasure, the two almost indistinguishable now, overwhelming you. You realize with horror that you’re already well on your way to orgasm - usually it takes you longer than this, but fuck, you can’t help it, you can’t stop the bombardment of stimuli hitting your body, his fingers working expertly inside of you, the burning marks covering your backside, the vibrator inescapably pressed against your clit.

“Please stop,” you beg, humiliated, desperate, you can’t come from what this monster is doing to you. Being degraded like this is bad enough, but you can’t give him the satisfaction of enjoying it.

“Getting close, are we?” Feitan leans further over you, whispering his next words directly into your ear. “Don’t you dare come without my permission. Understand?” When you don’t respond immediately, he grabs a fistful of your hair with his free hand and pulls, hard. You yelp, and quickly stutter your assent, yes, you understand. “Good.” He lets go of your hair, releasing the tension on your scalp, but in the next moment his mouth is on the side of your neck, working his teeth into the soft flesh above the collar. You jerk away but are stopped short by the chain, and he digs his teeth in so hard you’re afraid he’s going to draw blood.

It’s jarring having him so close, so intimate. The faint scent of his hair, the warmth of his body pressed against yours, the wet heat of his mouth - it’s a disgusting parody of the intimacy shared by actual lovers. You close your eyes, squeezing out the tears still freely flowing, and try desperately to dissociate. You don’t want to be here, trapped in your aching body; you will your mind to go anywhere else, to drift off in some fantasy that will let you escape the horror of what this man is doing to you. But you can’t. If it were purely pain you had to endure, you’d be able to do it, you were sure, but you’d never had to contend with someone using your own body against you like this.

The seconds tick past as you writhe and moan and shake beneath him, gritting your teeth, breath coming in short gasps, and then - you can’t do it. Your resolve breaks, you can’t do it, you can’t hold back any longer, you feel like you’re going to explode, and you let the pleasure come freely, gasping as you reach the edge. Remembering his threat, you ask through clenched teeth, “Can I come?” Feitan leans back, huffing out a breath, and you can feel the self-satisfied smirk on his face. He’s won.

You don’t understand when the stimulation suddenly disappears, his fingers slipping out of you and the vibrator pulling away. Your pussy clenches around nothing, desperately seeking the pleasure that was there a moment before, the orgasm still so close. A sound of utter betrayal escapes your lips as you realize what he’s done.

“What? Weren’t you asking me to stop just a few minutes ago? I thought this is what you wanted.” The glee in his voice is unmistakable, and in that moment, you hate him with every cell in your body.

“You fucking basta-Aagghh!” your words are cut off as the whip slashes across your ass again, catching you completely off guard. You sob in anger and pain as he whips you hard, five times in immediate succession. The brief break your tender flesh had been granted only heightens the pain as five fresh marks join the lattice of swollen lines covering your ass and thighs. “Fuck!” you scream, fresh tears springing to your eyes.

“Oh, you poor thing,” Feitan says derisively. In the next instant, he’s pressing the vibrator against your clit again, laughing at the way your body immediately reacts, arching into the stimulation. You can’t fight the whimpers escaping your mouth, every muscle in your body tense and shaking as the orgasm previously denied to you builds back to a crescendo.

“Please can I come?” you cry, and the fact that you already know the answer doesn’t ease the agony as Feitan pulls the vibrator away, leaving you teetering on the edge but unable to push yourself over. You sob as he whips you again, no longer making even the barest effort to hide your pain and frustration. You realize distantly that you’re breathing too fast, too shallow, and your head is spinning; it’s a good thing you’re laid out on this table, because there’s no way you could remain standing right now.

Done with the whip for the moment, Feitan leans over you, sliding two fingers deep into your cunt and rubbing your clit with the other hand. “Do you know how absolutely dripping wet you are right now?” he murmurs. “It’s pathetic.”

“Fuck you,” you reply through gritted teeth, but then he curls his fingers in just the right way, and- “Aaahhh, pleeeease may I come?”

“No,” he replies, voice full of malicious glee, pulling away, and you brace yourself for the whip you know is coming. You’re caught completely off guard, then, when he presses the vibrator against your clit just moments later, and you’re immediately pushed back to the edge.

“OhhhhfuckcanIcome?” you gasp, and when he pulls the vibrator away, the noise you make is one of absolute despair. You’re exhausted from the pain, from the stress, from the edging; you’re dimly aware of how not in control you are, mind clouded over with fear and desperation and the overwhelming desire - no, need to come, you’ve never been this desperate in your life, and while you hate the man standing behind you with your whole being, you’re also utterly dependent on him for the release your body is begging for. “Feitan,” you whimper, “please, I’m begging you, please, stop, I need to…”

“Oh, you need to, do you?” He runs his hand over your ass, fingers grazing over the lines he’s left, dipping lower to teasingly trace over your cunt before returning to their original path. “You’ll just die if I don’t let you come, will you? Is that how this works?” He laughs at your quiet stream of pleases, muttered almost unintelligibly as you shake and cry before him.

His hand disappears, and suddenly he’s in front of you again, crouched down so that your eyes are level with his. His fingers curl into your hair and yank, forcing your eyes open, and you stare at him through a haze of tears. “You want to come? Earn it. And don’t even think about biting me - you won’t live long to regret it.” He stands, hands fumbling with the front of his pants, and you understand as he frees his cock and shoves it against your lips. You hesitate, recoiling at the thought, but as he grabs your hair again and pulls hard, you open your mouth for him.

Feitan doesn’t hesitate to shove his cock down your throat, making you gag and struggle to turn your head away, fighting his grip. He holds himself there for a long moment, then pulls out long enough for you to gasp for air before shoving himself in again. You struggle to control your tongue and lips as he fucks your mouth in earnest, staying just shy of the point that will make you gag but setting a rapid pace that almost immediately has you struggling to take in enough air. You’re torn between a desire to make this as unpleasant as you can for him and just wanting it to be over as quick as possible. Not that you have much control over that anyways - both of his hands are tangled in your hair now, controlling the speed and angle of his thrusts, and you can’t so much as turn your head away.

“Look at me,” he growls. You strain to meet his gaze at this awkward angle, and a jolt runs through you as you lock eyes. His face is twisted into what could only be described as a manic euphoria - eyes wide, pupils dilated, a slight sheen of sweat coating his temple, and a smile of pure, sadistic delight on his face. It’s the expression of someone unhinged from reality - and who’s loving every moment of what they’re doing.

Feitan pulls out of your mouth suddenly, leaving a strand of saliva hanging from your lips to the head of his cock. He surprises you as he releases his grip on your hair and lowers a hand to caress your cheek; the gesture is soft, completely incongruous with the rest of his actions. “You look perfect like this, you know,” he says quietly. You stare back at him in shock, at a loss for words. What is that expression in his eyes? If the thought didn’t strike you as absolutely absurd, you’d call it affectionate.

You don’t have time to say anything, though, as he strides around the table again and positions himself behind you. You let out a choked cry as you feel something hard press up against your opening, and within the next moment he’s pushed inside you. The “No” dies on your lips as he slides in deep, stretching you out, hitting every nerve inside you, and your back arches against your will. You don’t want it to feel good, you don’t want this at all, but the fresh tears that slide down your cheeks as he begins fucking you aren’t ones of pain. Your body screams in pleasure every time he slams into you, rough and fast, his hands gripping your whip-damaged hips, and you’re reminded just how close you were to coming before. The slight gasps coming from behind you tell you that Feitan is getting there as well, and you fleetingly rejoice at the thought that this will be over soon.

The sound that leaves your mouth when he reaches down to rub your clit would have made you ashamed, before. Now, the only thought in your head is of release. You’re at the edge again immediately as his fingers practically attack your clit, rubbing too hard, too fast, it’s almost painful, and you don’t even attempt to ask before letting the orgasm bloom inside you. In that moment, everything falls away. Your entire awareness is focused on the pulsing heat between your legs and his cock still pounding into you, your pussy clenching around every thrust as you come harder than you ever have in your life. You don’t know if you scream or sob or stay silent. You aren’t aware of anything besides how unimaginably, exquisitely perfect you feel.

It’s bliss.

.

You barely notice as Feitan comes inside of you, pushing in as deep as he physically can before eventually pulling out, leaving you limp on the table. You don’t know how long you lay there, eyes shut, mind drifting in and out of awareness as he does god knows what in the room behind you. You like it this way. It’s so much easier not to think.

When he eventually walks around into your field of vision, he’s fully clothed, face covered by a bandana, his earlier expression now replaced with the usual impassivity. He crouches so his face is at eye level with yours and gazes coolly at you. “You disobeyed me.”

“I - what?” you mumble, raising your head.

“You came without asking permission,” Feitan says calmly, drawing a knife from his pocket. You stiffen, eyes wide as he raises the blade and delicately traces your jaw with it, keeping the pressure light enough to not break the skin. “I told you you’d regret it if you disobeyed me. And you did it anyways. You’re even more of a masochist than I thought.”

“No - I - that’s not-”

“Shut up.” The blade is at your lips now, tracing the outline of your Cupid’s bow. “I made a good choice when I brought you here. You’re going to be a very entertaining little pet. Now-” he stands abruptly. “I’ll be back in a few hours. I’ll punish you then.”

You twist your head around as you try to follow his departure from your field of vision, a sense of relief filling you at the thought of even a temporary reprieve. “Oh, I almost forgot,” he says from behind you. You jerk as he clicks the vibrator to life and presses it against your overly sensitive clit, trying to angle your hips away. He only pushes it harder up against you and secures it in place against the table with what sounds like a metal clamp. “Maybe this will make you more obedient.” You squirm, arching your back and wriggling your hips to try to escape the stimulation, but it’s no use - the vibrator is pressed up snugly against you, and it won’t budge. Your stomach drops as you realize how he’s going to leave you.

“Wait!” you cry, mind racing for something to say to make him change his mind.

Your answer is the slam of the door behind him as Feitan walks out.