#i try to avoid conflict and hope we all get along

[spacebell]

so either I am very chill (with some things) or I let people walk all over me

[thebirdandhersong]

I remember talking to a friend last week and saying that if I'm reading obsessively it either means I'm extremely happy or extremely in need of help. alas goodreads my good pal you have GOT to be kidding me

[lgbtlunaverse]

This page from the adventurer's bible makes me want to cry

Like basically any neurodivergent dungeon meshi fan, I see a lot of myself in the Touden siblings. But I was blindsided by just how much I suddenly related to Falin in this little comic from the adventure bible's complete version.

It's about the Touden siblings' differing relationships with their parents, and why Laios still holds their treatment of Falin against them, while Falin herself doesn't.

We know that Falin was isolated and ostraziced by their village after she saved Laios from a ghost, displaying her uncanny affinity for magic. Her parents, instead of defending her, sent her away, which angered Laios so much he ran way himself before Falin even left for magic school, hoping to make a living so he and Falin could live together alone.

He tells Marcile this, but when she goes to Falin, she says she sees things differently. Her father sent her to magic school to protect her form the rest of the village without having to cause a conflict. He didn't explain that, and we actually see her burst into tears when he says it.

But, well... Laios was gone for a year before Falin went to magic school, and everyone else in the village avoided her. The understanding Falin has with her parents to me looks like one borne out of necessity, she literally didn't have anyone else to talk to.

And this is where we get to the page that made me want to cry

Like I said, I relate to the Toudens because I'm neurodivergent myself. that feeling of suddenly realizing you're disliked, but not knowing what you did wrong or what you should have done instead? Yeah... that's one I recognize.

When I was around 9 years old, the same age Falin is in this comic, a bunch of kids in my class decided to make a "game" where you lost if you touched me. It was basically the 'cheese-touch' from diary of a wimpy kid, except I always had it and couldn't pass it along. They'd pretend I was poisonous or disgusting and run away from me screaming or gagging. The point was to make fun of me. But my autistic little 9 year old ass thought "Oh I get it! It's tag but I'm always it!" So I... played along. Running at a boy and having him fall on the ground screaming in fake pain because you tapped him is, in isolation, pretty funny.

It wasn't until months into the "game" that I realized it was meant to be meanspirited. That the reason I was the one who was always 'it' wasn't an arbritrary rule but the whole point. Because I was weird and gross. I wasn't in on the joke, I was the punchline.

Falin may have come to understand her parents' intentions, but she didn't always. The adventure bible actually tells us that she at first didn't even notice that the rest of their village disliked her. She clearly knows now, but she had to be told. So when her mom tried to exorcise her, she just saw it as an activity she got to do with a mother she usually didn't get to spend much time with because of her poor health. It's only Laios who notices something is wrong.

(Sidenote, Laios being hyper-aware of people's poor attitudes towards Falin but completely blindsided when he's in the same spot, like with Toshiro, is also very relatable as an eldest sibling)

It probably also took Falin months, until after her brother had left and she had no one but her parents, to realize why her mother had been doing all those things.

And I know they're not the same. Even misguidedly, Falin's mom was trying to help her, not make fun of her like those boys in my class. (Though, as a queer person who also cares a lot about the queercoding in Falin's storyline, a parent trying to 'exorcise' their child of a fundamental part of them the parent thinks is evil or corruptive? yeah... that's not perfectly wholesome)

But do you know what I did, when I finally figured out the game was always meant to make fun of me?

To me, it looked like I had a choice.

See, those boys eventually figured out I didn't understand that they were being mean to me. I'd laugh every time I managed to catch one of them, I was visibly having fun. And while it no doubt only made me more of a weirdo in their eyes, they never informed me that I shouldn't be enjoying myself. That the point was for me to feel hurt.

So now that I did know, I had a choice. I could either get upset, and let the insult land as it was supposed to. That wouldn't stop them, because making fun of me was the original goal. Or I could ignore it and go on as usual. They had already accepted that I didn't get it, and they weren't gona stop me from having fun, so why should I?

And the thing is that I had... one friend, in that whole class. One person who actually liked talking to me and hanging out with me. I was lonely. And the 'game' provided me with another social interaction, mean-spirited as it was, that I desperately needed. And it was so delightfully simple. Navigating actual friendships as a kid with autism and adhd was so fucking complicated, and I'd never know when I might break an inivisble rule. But I knew the rules to the game perfectly!

Sometimes, if I was chasing one of them, the others would trap him and hold him down so I could tap him. In those moments it actually did kind of feel like I was playing with them, rather than against them. And it didn't change much, they didnt start actually liking me. But they were willing to roll with the fact that I wasn't upset, and I took advantage of that because I needed to.

So you can look at Falin seeing the best in her parents as her being naïve, but I look at this page and I see myself, at first unable to differentiate between playing and being made fun of. And then later, when I did see the difference, deciding not to get mad about it because that'd mean losing that social interaction, and I couldn't afford to.

Like I said, Falin probably first realized this in the year she spent with her brother gone, and everyone else avoiding her like the plague. If she refused to talk to her parents, like Laios did, she'd have no one left.

I see a lot of people relating to the fight between Laios and Toshiro. that frustration when you realize someone you thougth was your friend actually hates you, and they never said anything, never gave you a chance to fix it because you had no idea that you were even doing something wrong! And I can see that, too. But sometimes, when people don't fully hate you, it feels better to go along with the pretending. Because adressing it won't fix it. Because the problem isn't a specific behaviour, it's you. And if they're willing to tolerate you, despite the fact that it's you, then you'll take it. Because other people do hate you, so this is the best you'll get.

[anadiasmount]

we’re pretending? - jude bellingham x reader.

quick sum: no date to an upcoming wedding, you use your best friend as last resort. what happens when your best friend isn’t playing pretend anymore and you’re left conflicted with these unusual feelings…

wc: 4.6 k | masterlist | jude’s masterlist

psa 🗣️: i used my og ‘glory box’ fic to get some inspo while writing this fic ngl!! 😣 this was so fun to write not only by the trope but the DRAMAAAA!! like always, hope you enjoy! 🤍

“yes mom, i know. i picked my dress up yesterday, and my flight is booked as well,” you sighed and rolled your eyes knowing she wouldn’t be able to see you through the phone. she knew how important this wedding was but she kept putting the pressure on you. it was the last thing you needed especially after you told her you’d bring someone along.

that someone was now you’re ex-boyfriend. you had less than 48 hours to come up with an excuse or show up alone.

"are you still bringing your plus one?" she asked, the line going silent for a few seconds before she spoke up again. "y/n? are you there?" you should've just lied or said the truth, all you could think of was how happy and super excited she was when you told her you'd met someone and began dating.

"yes mom... we both will be there," you closed your eyes, disappointment in yourself filling the void in your head. you could hear her squeal in the background, telling a voice there with her about the good news. you chewed on your lip anxiously, wanting to cut the call or else you'd break down.

"listen mom, i have t-to go okay? ill call you tomorrow. try not to stress so much," you smiled weakly hearing an "i love you", ending the call after gifting your goodbye. there was no avoiding the mistake you had committed. you wanted to slap some common sense into yourself, because where the hell were you about to find someone?

you clearly remembered the day telling your mom you'd met someone at uni. she was over the moon and wanted to tell everyone but you dismissed the idea, not wanting to rush since you had recently met. you would call her and tell her about him, and she listened so attentively, just like in the movies.

you couldn't bring yourself to tell her when you and max had broken up. your whole life has always been surrounded by being told you needed to be more like your older sister, the pressure of being a golden child laid on you. for once you had something, but that had to get ruined as well.

the scolding, the perfect grades, friends, hell even family. you had to be so careful and live up to their expectations. you loved them, you did, but at times you just felt like moving away was the best idea. and you did just that, the first to move out to a new country, breaking records at uni, and even finding a suitable job.

your boss loved you, and coworkers admired you for the passion and dedication you carried. so why did it have to go all wrong with max? you had an image of him in your head that he was madly in love with you, though you'd later be proven wrong when you found out he was sleeping with his boss. finding them in the act on your 6th month anniversary.

you still can recall the feeling of being unable to breathe, their screams and his pleading going quiet as you could just stare into the room, not once being able to see his eyes. disgust, and rage, but mostly sadness, a heavy heart, and the lump in your throat. he hurt you terribly and you would forever resent that.

after the call, you sat quietly on the couch, hands in your hair as you thought about everything. looking around seeing your bags packed, the blue dress hanging by your room, pictures everywhere. you hated to admit but you were living in a hell, life messy and a disaster. your buzz ringed, seeing through the tiny camera your best friend jude in the frame.

you allowed him in, walking over to the large mirror and wiping away the dry tears, making yourself look more presentable. you looked worn out, eyes droopy and low, lips slightly chapped, and to make matters worse a zit on your chin. you exhaled a breath, keys jiggling as jude came in.

he set his training bag down, took his shoes off, and walked to you, giving you a small hug. "you look terrible," you gave him a warning look, "but lucky you, i brought us food," he spoke cheerfully, the mood inside you going from gloomy to content. "it's raining like crazy, i almost fell coming up. also i brought some packages and your mail," jude continued.

"thank you, i haven't had the time to go down and pick them up! i've been so busy packing and planning last-minute stuff," you groaned, going to the kitchen and washing your hands. "watch, in the next few minutes i'm going to get a call," you theorized. jude pulled out the food and served it into your plates as you grabbed a water for him and a soda for yourself.

"how was training?"

jude shrugged unimpressed, "same old. didn't really have to go in, but they needed me for a small campaign shoot, so i had no choice. also cama and tchou send their hello's."

you and jude spoke amongst yourself. just about each other's days and catching up from the last time you guys were together. you teased him about losing a bet with his little brother, jude whining about how he cheated. new music that came out, and a pop up store that opened lower in downtown.

"so what's got your head in a twist?" jude sipped on his last few ounces of water, leaning his head on his propped-up arm and hand. you awkwardly scratch the back of your neck, pick up the dirty dishes, and walk to the sink. "okay don't make fun of me-"

"you're basically asking me too... also no promises since you just made fun of me for losing against jobe," jude chuckled.

"jude."

"oh it's serious then... what did you do?" he saw the serious look on your face, a small worry constructing in his chest because he rarely saw you like this. you close your eyes, feeling the anxiety build in you once again, "i told my mom i was still bringing max..."

jude scoffed in denial, or trying to cope with the confusion, "y/n, you what?"

"i know! i know! i should've just confessed and coughed up the truth but i- i couldn't! she was so excited jude! i feel terrible for lying believe me i do, but after telling her about him and filling her with hope to break her heart, i just c-c-couldn't," you ramble, dishes clattering as you freaked out.

in your head it didn't seem as bad, but fully saying it out loud to jude, seemed even worse. jude grimaced, knowing you had messed up bad especially since the wedding was right around the corner. "i'm just embarrassed... i know they will start something and just talk down on me if i showed up alone."

jude knew how heavy-handed your family could be, often wanting to resent them because he cared for you so much. he saw how physically and mentally they could rain you even with the smallest sentence. they seemed so worried with their lives instead of the ones they should most value and care for.

jude gave you a concerned face, "what?" chuckling nervously when you gasped out, almost being able to see the lit-up light bulb on top of your head. "jude, I'm a genius!"

"well i beg to differ-"

"shut up," you pat your finger against your chin, a mischievous smile on your lip taunting jude's concern even more. "i don't know why i didn't think of this sooner! why don't you pretend to be my boyfriend? just for the wedding that's it!"

jude shook his head, hands coming up to back out of the idea. it was one thing you lying, but now asking you to play pretend was something totally different. "that's not a good idea y/n..." jude clenched his teeth forcing a smile. "oh cmon why not?"

"well, first of all, that's an even bigger lie to your mom. second, pretending would seem impossible. third, i don't want the first time meeting your parents to be a lie because of what happened," jude defended and stated his case.

"it's a huge favor but you'd save my life jude! one weekend and that's it! you have plenty of suits, you're also off this weekend, and they would never suspect a thing! please jude! i wouldn't be asking if i wasn't so desperate," you begged, seeing the hesitation in his eyes.

"it seems like a bad idea... you don't know what you're asking for y/n... were pretending to be a couple when were not! we have to make it believable even under the pressure of the wedding. a theatrical play, a stunt!" jude exclaimed standing up from his chair.

"jude please, please, please! it might feel weird but it's for the night only! after that, we go back to the good old y/n and jude," you followed him as he paced in your living room thinking of his answer. would it be back to normal even if he continued to feel the same for you? the unknown loving feeling he had for you?

the pretending would be hard when all he could hardly think of was you. how he felt recently and how nervous he got around you. he would do anything for you in a heartbeat, but this would break jude further than now. he couldn't fake pretend holding your hand, or kissing your cheek when he meant and wanted to do that with you currently.

as bad as the idea was, here he was hugging you as you cheerfully yelped when he agreed. time moved slowly for him, the sensation of regret and curiosity as what was yet to come from both of you. all he cared for was to make sure you were happy, and if faking being your boyfriend would help you, he was willing to do it, no matter the consequences.

as jude was fixing his hair, you finished setting your makeup with some powder and setting spray. nerves bubbling in you after the first test you encountered last night after your arrival. you let out a laugh at the tiny bed you had to share with jude. seeing his uneasy face even after he offered to sleep on the couch.

"we're running on schedule," you spoke, finishing clasping your jewelry around your hands and rings. jude came behind you, his shirt unbuttoned and abs in full view, as he finished zipping his pants. best friend or not, there was no denying how incredibly sexy jude was. the name should speak for itself, but with the looks and personality he had, it was too good to be true.

"need some help?" he asked seeing you nod slowly and looking down at your feet. he took the necklace, your skin on fire as his fingertips grazed your skin accidentally, almost jumping on the spot, goosebumps grazing your body. he clasped the necklace, grabbing the pendent and fixing it so it laid in the middle. "perfect," he cockliy smirked.

"thank you."

"are you almost ready?" he looked at you as he buttoned up his shirt, you almost stuttered but regained consciousness, "yes, just need to put my dress and shoes on," you turned back quickly furrowing your brows, wanting to slap yourself for allowing yourself to get carried away, or maybe at the uneasy desire in you when seeing jude.

you went to the bathroom, grabbing the lacy undergarments and the blue dress. the color was to die for, the perfect length even with your heels on, the opened back with the front just showing the perfect amount of cleavage, and the whole dress just accentuating your body even more.

you felt the need to throw some water in your face though you couldn't or else it would ruin your makeup. you settled with fanning yourself with your hand, the tense in your chest getting to you as it was becoming real now. you were just pretending with jude. nothing more right?

you looked in the huge light-up mirror, and suddenly the confidence you had dripped away as you thought of jude in the next room over. why did all of a sudden everything feel like it wasn't before? as in, things changed drastically since the night at your apartment? you've never felt this clumsy or as edgy around him.

when you woke up this morning, with jude on top of you laying peacefully, you couldn't help but feel overjoyed, as if it was a natural state and you've done it before. in your own world where the only thing that mattered was him and you. since then you were slightly freaked out, butterflies in your chest when he left or walk into the room.

jude double taked a look as you walked into the room again. the tiny room that felt like a joke to him after walking in hand to hand last night. his eyes roamed you, lips slightly separated as he admired your beauty, heart hammering in his chest. he watched as you grabbed your cheeks, immediately offering to help.

he leaned down, gently grabbing your foot and placing the white jeweled heel on you. your hands were clamped around the small bench cushions, jude looking up then and there to make sure they felt comfortable. once again, his touch felt like fire, playing with your head even more.

when he finished clasping the heel, he extended his hand helping you up. "you look absolutely gorgeous y/n... this dress was made for you," jude croaked, hearing you laugh shakily. "thank you jude. likewise," jude smiled at your reaction, "i mean as in you look super handsome with the suit, not a dress!" you explained.

"i think i got what you meant..." he joked, his eyes roaming uo and down again at you. "good. good. shall we head out?" you swallowed heavily, grabbing your purse, phone, and other stuff you needed for the night. you were in a rush, wanting to get some fresh air or you would explode in the room with jude inside. "lead the way y/n."

jude helped you in an out of the cab, his hand on your bare back as he guided you to the double doors leading into the reception. "how are you feeling? any nerves?" you spoke quietly to him, looking around as people were taking their seats or had their own conversations.

"some but not too many. like you said, it's just for today," he whispered along your ear, gently giving your shoulder a kiss as his hands went to your hips and walked you forward. your mom and aunt gasped, grabbing their dresses and walking towards you, almost sprinting. "here goes nothing," you say.

"oh my god! so you are real!" your mom yelped, making you give her a glare and eyes pleading not to make a scene. "i was starting to think my sweet y/n was lying to me about this boyfriend she had," you almost choked on your saliva, clearing your throat at her words. "i am y/n's mom, what is your name?"

"i'm jude. it's a pleasure to finally meet you ma'am," jude shook her hand and leaned down to kiss her cheeks in a greeting manner, the same with your aunt. jude's hand interlocked with yours, the happiness in your mother's eyes never leaving, almost tearing up at the sight of you with your "boyfriend."

"i can't believe it! it's a miracle, my daughter finally has her first boyfriend," she clapped her hands making you wretched at her choice of wording. you did everything to have her at least praise you once in life, and all it took was to have a boyfriend? you brushed away the glum feeling, jude kissing your hand, distracting you from the small burn in your eyes.

"oh my! look at them! they make such a beautiful pair," your aunt gleamed. "we do, don't we?" jude teased them, "took her a while to say yes to me, but i'm very fortunate to be here," jude resumed. "we're very pleased to have you here, anything you need don't hesitate to ask."

after saying hello to other family friends and cousins, you sat for the ceremony. jude wiped a small tear away after your old school friend finished her vows, slapping his shoulder when he made a small joke about your mascara running. "its not funny! the vows were so beautiful," you said.

"it's like we are watching me before you again," he said making you gasp. "jude what are talking about? you literally cried with me?" you recalled laughing, jude looking around scared if someone was hearing you. "please don't remind me... in my defense, i didn't see that ending at all."

after the ceremony, you and jude greeted other families, and most importantly congratulated the bride and groom. their faces ushered with happiness, overall content with how their day was turning out. you had to excuse yourself from jude at one point, your mom dragging you away for your help. jude was left behind with your dad.

"since she was little, she always hated getting thrown or dragged around," your father spoke, taking a sip of his whiskey. "seems like nothing had changed?" jude asked carefully with a playful smile. "oh not even close! it's my wife doing," he winked.

"jude right?"

"yes sir," jude nodded, presenting the dad talk coming up. "I'm gonna save the unnecessary talk and get straight to the point. it's so weird to see my baby girl all grown up, with the lusting and loving eyes she gives you. you love her very much and i can see that which is why i'm not worried about you hurting or losing her trust."

hell if jude didn't feel guilty before, he did now. he gripped the glass harder, nodding to your dad who looked upset. "she may have told you some stuff about us, but at the end of the day, she's my daughter and i love her the way she is... please just take good care of her for me... she been through enough as it is..."

"i only have good intentions and i promise you i won't ever break her heart," jude promised to your dad, but also himself. he would never be able to forgive himself if he ever did break your heart or make you lose the trust you had. max did it once and jude would never do it. even if it meant keeping away these long feelings for you.

when you returned you saw them laughing and chatting away, your heart full of emotions at them getting along. jude was so mature for his age, and it didn't come to a surprise when he got along with your dad so fast. his hand would naturally lay on your back or on your hip.

the next few hours were filled with more people dancing or chatting away. jude insisting you sat on his lap for a picture when the photographer passed, smiling wide, looking like a happy couple. it seemed so natural to you, being this close and intimate you were getting scared at how fast everything was being thrown at you.

"i had to see it for myself! y/n bagging a footballer? never saw that coming," your cousin approached you giving you a high as he dabbed up jude. "jude meet my cousin adrian, he's a huge fan of you, and just successfully signed with a small club," you introduced them to each other, with a huge grin on your face.

jude’s hand snuck around your waist, his thumb drawing shapes as his full attention was with your cousin who spoke about sports. you listened then and there, but your feet began to ache, switching your weight back and forth uncomfortably.

jude was quick to notice, leaving down to your level and asking if you were okay. “i’m fine i promise, these shoes are killing me that’s all,” you reassured with a smile, jude nodding before cutting the conversation after a few minutes. “i’m going to get her a chair and drinks for us,” you froze when he kissed your temple, “i’ll see you around later,” jude said his goodbyes dragging you along slowly.

like before, your chest beat faster, if he stared, smiled, even touched or got near you, you’d get nervous immediately. the familiar string of falling for someone filling the empty space left behind inside you. he was super good at pretending and it didn’t feel like that anymore.

it felt real. was he just pretending? or was he actually taking this fake relationship seriously and real?

all you could do was stare at his face, mostly his gorgeous brown eyes as he helped you get seated and served you some water, making sure you were fully okay. he sat next to you, his hand interlocking with his, and placing it on his lap as he paid attention to his surroundings. you become quiet, so into your head and questioning his every move now.

“jude?” you spoke softly, a confused smile on your face as he immediately turned to you with a soften gaze. you inhaled a breath, unable to look away from him, his ínstese state causing you to feel intimidated. “is everything okay?” he asked, leaning slightly over to you, pushing a small string of hair back. “is it supposed to feel like this?”

“what is?” jude shook his head not understanding.

“us? why am i getting the idea we’re no longer pretending…”

jude tore his gaze from yours, the panic growing more intense when he wouldn't reply back. "jude please... don't push me away. are we just pretending or has something changed?" you persisted, your hand gliding against his back to get his attention. jude debated, afraid of losing you right here and now, or having the possibility to maybe hear you feel the same way.

"come with me," jude demanded, helping your and dragging you to the dance floor where no one could really see you besides the other happy couples. his hands circled your waist, as yours went to his shoulders, unable to look away from him. "tell me i'm not the only one who feels it..."

"tell me what you feel y/n... what your head is begging to scream out..."

"i can't, i don't know jude. i'm afraid yet so confused? since we got here yesterday things feel different between us. it happened again when we had breakfast, when you put my necklace on, my heels! all of this is giving me mixed signals jude... i haven't felt this in so long.." you confess, a shaky breath escaping your lips when he pulls you closer and kisses your head.

"like now. i can't if you just did that out of pretending or because it came naturally to you. i've never had to worry about what you think till recently... it feels strange... yet ican't help but get hope that it means real," you rest your forehead on his shoulder blinking away the tears that slowly begin to let out.

jude could see how this was affecting you, holding your lower body with one hand and the other smoothing down your spine, feeling how you immediately let loose and relaxed by his praise and touch. jude could also feel the heavy weight beginning to feel heavier if he kept his true hidden feelings away. it was a sign, and there was no going back.

jude's hand cradled your chin, forcing you to look up at his, his brown eyes gazing over your teary face. he was truly amazed and so in love with you it made his head feel cloudy, almost dizzy, at how perfect and pure you were. his tummy fluttering at his gorgeous girl who was confused at how she felt... but in this moment jude knew you were in deep as well.

"tell me something, when you see me, does it make your heart race, like i'm the only person standing there?" you nod, "does your head tell you one thing but your gut tells you another when you see me?" you nod again, this time blowing the air out of jude's lungs. "my head tells me i shouldn't, but my gut tells me i waited so long that maybe it's now to late for us..."

"why would it be too late y/n...?" you shrug your shoulders. "because i don't you feel the same way i'm feeling." jude smiled weakly, his thumb brushing along your jaw, hearing your hum in delight, "how can you know when you haven't asked me?"

your eyes search his for any sign but you don't find any, "what are you feel in this moment jude?"

"that i'm the luckiest man to be here with you tonight," he says proudly, "that i don't think we've wasted any time, rather i feel we're barely getting started on this new branch of our lives... i can't pretend when i'm with you... because pretending to hide how i feel has been so hard, when all i want is you. all of you y/n..."

"i had to see you go through that idiot max, how he hurt you? when you were hurt i was even more devastated because i couldn't protect you. i'd do anything to make you happy or laugh because it's what i want to do. i want to be the only one who gets to do that. i promised your dad but myself also, ask me what the promise is..." jude insisted.

"what's your promise jude?"

"that i'd never break your heart or give you a reason to doubt me. that from this day forward, i completely will give you my all to care and relish our love once and for all. i'm tired of waiting and holding back of what should've existed and started when i first met you."

"jude-"

"i want to give you my all, to be devoted and in love with you forever. you have no idea what you make me feel, think! i wake up longing for you, at work, at my own home. you're the only girl i want and need in my life y/n," jude confessed, the weight finally lifted of his shoulders, now being able to feel like a free man.

you closed your eyes, breathing out a happy chuckle in relief. you sniffled, "you've ruined me jude, completely ruined me with your words, your confession! look at me, i'm worse than when we finished watching the vow!" you joked, hand nestling on the nape of his next, stroking his soft skin.

"you love me jude?"

"more than what you think."

"i need you to know i'm giving you my all as well. I've always sensed how different what we had was, and come to find out, i was just scared and felt the need to push away because you didn't feel the same way. what i feel for you never happened with who shall not be named..." jude chuckles, closing his eyes and swallowing a heavy gulp like you.

"i'm so hopelessly in love with you jude bellingham... so in love, i want to grow old with you, make every promise we said out loud come true. i knew i loved you as soon as we laid eyes, and you stumbled over your words," jude squinted his eyes, shaking his head embarrassed. "kiss me jude."

jude kissed you exactly how he dreamed. your lips soft and sweet as he imagined, even better. cradling your chin to tilt and pulling the kiss deeper. it felt so right, so amazing, so passionate. he was lost, his tongue entering your parted lips when you let out a small gasp and whimper. there was no more pretending, this was more real than ever.

"could get lost in how you taste. how you feel. i love you so much angel."

[bird-inacage]

Love Sea Episode 10 | The Fight (Micro-expressions + Mini Meta)

Peat and Fort did brilliantly in this scene. I wanted to pick out some of their micro-expressions to analyse in more detail.

1 - Just after Mut tells Rak he loves him, he's visibly taken aback, he looks crushed and frantic and helpless - 'Why did you have to get your feelings into the open? Why couldn't we have continued to play house without me having to confront my feelings? Why?' Rak is confused and crestfallen as to why Mut has chosen to shatter the bubble they've been existing in. Why is this necessary?

2 - Mut can't help his frustration. He's decided to put all his cards out on the table, and still Rak is choosing avoidance, to deny, to hide, to escape. Mut's played along until now, but he's so sick and tired of it. His attempts to be fully transparent, always lead to a rebuttal, Rak's unwillingness to concede, to compromise. Mut's anger comes from a place of 'you leave me no choice'.

3 - You can hear the gears grinding in Rak's brain when Mut reiterates that he was never after the money. His mind is going into overdrive. He's questioning. He's thinking 'but this isn't possible'. Despite being aware of Mut feelings, he can't face them because it forces him to recognise his own. And he just can't, he's scared shitless and he just doesn't know how.

4 - Just after Mut says 'let me love you', you can see the intensity of compassion and concern flit across his face. He softens. His eyes are searching, wanting. He so badly needs Rak to open up to him fully. There's hope and vulnerability - 'please accept my love, please. I'm trying so hard, I'm trying. Give me something, anything.'

5 - Rak is fighting with himself. He's conflicted, guilty, torn that he's been put on the spot against his will. He's dealing with the realisation that he will hurt Mut, and he doesn't have the stomach for it. You can see the second he decides to muster up the courage, decides to do the cruel but necessary thing. In this moment, Rak's fight or flight response is telling him to choose himself, which means he has to hurt Mut instead. It's the only way. 'You forced my hand'.

6 - Mut doesn't often exhibit outbursts of hurt but he does here. He's incensed. Rak's callousness is insult to injury. 'Perhaps you were never capable of loving me, but don't throw my love for you back in my face'. I think Mut is also making a last ditch effort to emphasise that he's not going to change his mind. Once his feelings are out there, that's it. Regardless of whether Rak loves him back or not, it doesn't change how he feels. This is the power of his conviction.

7 - This is super subtle, but you see the light diminish from Rak's eyes. He almost goes lifeless from the inside out. He deflates. Any active turmoil that was there is now replaced by resignation, by acceptance. It's sinking in what he's done and the realisation there's no going back and he has to make peace with it.

8 - Mut's final retort is painfully self-deprecating, that little chin tilt of 'How foolish I was to think I could have nice things. You've just proved to me once again how asking for things only indicates how wildly undeserving I am. I know my place, and that's where I'll return to'.

[bun3333s]

Yandere MBTI Scaramouche

Cruel Aware Manipulative Strict

note: Using the structure from the wonderful @ddarker-dreams !! Scara is my baby girl and I adore him… so I hope I did him justice. I’m super new to actually writing anything like this, so any feedback or comments are appreciated <3 Note that these headcanons are in regards to pre-Wanderer Scaramouche, quote and image from 'The “Divine Will' story teaser. Mild spoilers for his backstory.

1.2k words

contains: yandere, mental/physical/emotional abuse, kidnapping/confinement, gn reader insert (”you” pronouns used), murder and violence (non-graphic), angst (?)

“My chest will never again be defiled by worldly filth”

Cruel vs Reverent

> He’s akin to a mistreated stray cat, but in that same vein, I do think that inwardly he’s much more fond of you than he’ll ever let show. This really depends on what phase of his life you meet in, and under what circumstances. If you met before the proverbial shit hit the fan, he’s much more likely to hold you with tenderness, near and dear to his heart. Especially with a kind darling, I could see him falling into the reverent category. Inwardly, of course. He would sooner die than let you know about these mushy feelings he has (even if he keeps you on a leash beside him at all times, and anyone with eyes could see that something is happening between you two). Regardless of whether you meet in his ‘softer’ era or not, there’s still a 100% chance he’s going to be a snarky, cold, degrading bastard.

> We all know this man has abandonment issues pro max, and his attitude is part of the way he’s coped. At the core of this, I imagine he holds an incredibly deep-rooted sense of insecurity. From Ei throwing him out for not meeting her standards, to the perceived rejection and betrayal from seemingly everyone else he cared for — to him, he must blame himself. He’s the common denominator. Had he simply never loved these people, he wouldn’t have had to go through all that pain when they left him.

> Then, comes along you. And I just know this man is seething — you’re ruining his way of life with the way your eyes twinkle in the sun and the warmth that floods his chest at your smile. He’s considered going to a professional about that, trying to find any way to avoid the inevitable. Surely that radiant feeling in his chest is what normal people call a fever, right? The electricity running through his veins burning hotter than normal? By the time he realizes his feelings for darling, he’s absolutely pissed. This would just be another point of weakness. More than anything though, he’s mad at himself. He’s mad because he’s been debased to such primal desires, because he’s scared to go through the agony of loss yet again. He’s terrified at the notion of depending on someone else. He swore to never be weak like that again, and that isn’t changing any time soon.

> But at the same time, it doesn’t matter how much he despises you (or rather, the way you make him see himself) because you make this bleak world so much more bearable. The scramble for power is exhausting in and of itself. To go through countless years of pain, experiments, and labor on your own, knowing that developing an attachment to anyone could be tantamount to failure? Excruciating. He has so little left to hold onto in the world, so when you come along, he sinks his claws in so deep it’s as if he’s trying to become one with you. As if your union will wash his sins away and you, his lifeline to heaven. Or maybe simply to a life where he can love again.

> He doesn’t know love without pain, and frankly, he’s not sure which is worse at this point. He’s so afraid you’ll see in him what everyone else did and leave — hold his heart in both hands to shatter — that he’ll never let you get that close in the first place. Scara is even more snappy with his darling than with others; the instinct to bite and scratch and claw at anyone getting too close to him. This, of course, conflicts with a similarly intense desire to hold you, praise you; worship at your altar for giving his life meaning.

> Basically he’s a tsundere but way more sadistic and with a lot of issues. He will verbally abuse you almost every time his mouth opens, and being his darling is tantamount to enrolling in psychological warfare. Absolutely would not shy away from physical punishment either. Definitely has a thing for seeing his marks on you. The fury, self-betrayal, frustration and grief — all of it gets redirected to the unfortunate object of his affections instead.

Aware vs Delusional

> Now, he isn’t some monster without feelings or something like that. He’s just a monster with very repressed feelings. I can imagine Scara actually feeling some remorse, you would just never be able to tell with the glee he possesses when torturing you.

> This goes back to how his cruel treatment is a manifestation of his insecurity again (doesn’t everything about this man?). After a particularly harsh punishment, or maybe just when passively observing your pathetic state, a pang of sorrow hits his chest. He thinks it might be time to look into a new body for himself. One that isn’t quite as… inconvenient. There’s somewhere deep down, hidden in a crack after a particularly brutal battle, where he thinks that he deserves this. He doesn’t deserve to have you; to hold you freely. Yet, he needs you more than anything else. It’s selfish, cruel, pitiful — every negative adjective you could pull from a dictionary. Scara is far past the point of caring much for morality, but it’s you he’s hurting, so it’s only fair that he hurts in silence alongside his beloved. There’s a strange understanding between the two of you. About hurt and love. About pretending to be asleep when he cards lithe fingers through your hair at night, ignoring the soft sounds of something wet hitting the pillows every so often.

> At the end of the day, he knows what he’s doing is wrong. Do you think he doesn’t catch your disdain? The hopeful glances out of windows? Don’t take him for a fool. He’s just a man in love without the luxury of loving. Scara has a multitude of issues, but perhaps unluckily for darling, awareness isn’t one of them. Sometimes you think it might be easier to live if you never saw that twinkle of pity in his eyes, back before you learned to falsify your slumber when he returned in the dead of night. Other times, you hope that twinkle sparks something in his mechanical body and burns this all to ashes.

Manipulative vs Honest

> This is probably the one where Scara isn’t entirely at one end or the other. In terms of emotional manipulation, he’s honest with you for the most part… the issue is that for the rest of the time, he’ll just refuse to answer.

> “why am I here?” “because I want you here.”

> “what do you want from me?” “to stay here.”

> He gets points for being straightforward but loses all of them when he showcases the emotional maturity of a grumpy toddler.

> The lack of emotional maturity and his own raging internal battlefield of emotions is part of the reason why I find it difficult to see him as some sort of manipulator — I’m not entirely sure our little guy has the facilities for that long-term. The bigger reason I struggle to see him as an emotional manipulator is because he’s suffered so much from it. He does, however, omit a large amount of information from darling.

> Now… physical/financial manipulation, threats and violence — these are all on the table. Scara knows he isn’t exactly the epitome of kindness or desirability to you, so how does he capture his darling? Through the previously mentioned means of course!

> Do you have a family or loved ones? Better pray he uses his Fatui connections to only bankrupt instead of massacring them. There isn’t any low Scara wouldn’t stoop to in order to have you in his grasp. He’ll pay off all your family’s debt if you come with him - or better yet - he’ll let them live to see another day! So how about it?

> It doesn’t really matter how you answer, because at the end of the day, he can always resort to brute force.

Strict vs Lenient

> If the abandonment issues didn’t give it away already, this man is neurotic about you — what you do, where you are, where you look, the way you look. It feels as if you aren’t in his line of sight he thinks you’ll disappear. His grip on you is always a bit too firm. Scara holds you like the moment he lets go he’ll wake up and remember that you left too.

> His unrelenting chastising and ‘reminders’ (read: abuse) serve not only to assert total control over you but to reassure himself as well. After all, you can’t leave him if he has total control over your everything.

> He doubts he can truly be your everything like you are to him, so this suffices as a close second. If he can find a way to own everything you do and everything that makes you, you then that can be good enough. It has to be. He can be your everything still; just in a different way.

aHHhh thanks for reading !!! hope you enjoyed <3

[lilacxquartz]

Those Late Summer Nights I Chapter 10

Satoru Gojo × Fem!Reader × Suguru Geto

This is a dark/yandere fic that features upsetting themes and it is canon divergent. Updated every Wednesday.

ABOUT: You moved to Tokyo over the summer to take a teaching job. As you get settled in, you find yourself entangled in a toxic dynamic.

CHAPTER SUMMARY: You were starting to feel a little overwhelmed with how much attention you had to divide between so many people and then in the midst of it all, something went terribly wrong.

TRIGGER WARNING: Extremely dubious consent/sexual content/coercion/foreplay

< Previous Chapter • Next Chapter >

10. Just “Friends”

Back home at last, you chose to lay in bed until around four in the afternoon as you muddied your own mind with conflicting thoughts—trying to, hoping—to make sense of everything that had happened so far.

You weren’t quite looking forward to socialising with someone new, but you figured that if they were Shoko approved, then it was likely absolutely fine, so come the correct hour, you unstuck yourself from bed and entered a better state of mind.

Shoko introduced you to an equally nervous looking woman around her age standing right behind her. She was quite pretty, you thought as you looked at her; long dark hair and a scar over her face, kind eyes overlooking her features.

“This is Utahime,” Shoko said as she introduced you to her, “and Utahime, this is [name].”

You both awkwardly said that it’s nice to meet each other as you got settled on the sofa, Utahime brought out a couple of beers from a plastic bag as Shoko opted for a glass of wine instead.

“Any preference?” Utahime asked you, trying to be polite.

“Beer would be nice,” you accepted, not quite feeling the mood for heavier alcohol so soon.

She nodded accordingly in response as she cracked open two cans, seeming quite happy to share.

The conversation for the most part was carried initially by Shoko as you both carefully crossed the barrier in getting to know each other while you resisted the urge to spill too much of your trauma too soon, avoiding a repeat of the last time you spoke to new people.

When full comfort had been achieved, a mutual annoyance for Satoru emerged after a while of talking. Nothing too accusatory, but Utahime’s history with him seemed to paint him as a leading cause of her own stress while Shoko joked that he caused her smoking habit.

You didn’t really have a strong opinion on him just yet, but it was interesting to get to know him through the opinion of others. You wondered it with even Suguru before, thinking about the side he allowed you to get to know—thinking if Satoru was doing something similar to you.

Utahime and Shoko clinked their glasses and cans alike, announcing cheers for a peaceful evening and new company, because Shoko was right—you both did get along.

This newly formed comfort however was relatively short lived as soon as Satoru entered through the door, the celebration seeming to have been some type of summoning ritual for him instead.

“Hang on a sec,” Shoko said as she suddenly sat up, “how’d you get a key?”

She didn’t like that Satoru could just enter her apartment, choosing to come and go as he pleased. Her home was a sacred sanctuary for her own approved company and if he wanted to visit, he’d have to ask the same way as everyone else.

Utahime stared in mild disbelief, now wondering if she had managed to somehow hex herself as she stared bitterly off into her drink.

“Aww, don’t act that way~” Satoru purred as he continued to stroll inside, his hand arrogantly extending to reach out for someone to take hold of it, “we just need an extra person to get our usual table, otherwise they’ll just sit us at the smaller, worse table again.”

“Tough shit. I’m not abandoning Utahime to go be a table filler,” Shoko replied as she rolled her eyes, her hand playfully slapping his own away from her sight.

“I’m not going either,” Utahime replied.

“I-I can go otherwise?” you offered, presenting yourself as a sacrifice. You didn’t actually mind as it felt awkward enough already to third wheel between Shoko and her friend, since you could give them both a chance to catch up as you reconnected with the two people you already were familiar with.

“Don’t stoop to their level,” Shoko said, catching onto your wrist as you stood up, “let them suffer.”

“Ah, but she offered~” Satoru sang, tugging you away to the front door.

“I-It was nice to meet you, Utahime!” you called out as you quickly found yourself dragged outside into the stairwell, barely having time to grab onto your bag and shoes.

Suguru stood outside as he waited, his back leaning against the wall with a knee bent to balance himself.

Satoru walked down first as you followed, Suguru closing in from behind as he watched you go downstairs. In truth, this was his plan all along because he knew that Shoko would be occupied with Utahime and when Satoru showed up at his own place wanting to hang out, he knew that his friend was still burdened with clan responsibilities so he could still end his night with you—if he could help it.

He still felt some conflicting feelings about you getting closer to Satoru, which was exactly why he chose to hang out with him tonight in tow, wanting to keep tabs as to what you were up to at all times to make sure that nothing else blossomed beyond that kiss.

He did seem to understand though, that you didn’t think that the kiss itself was genuine so in his mind, what he was doing was closer to prevention; ensuring that Satoru didn’t try to talk you into doing anything else.

(While Suguru himself talked you into other things.)

You continued to walk in between the two of them to the bar, fully unaware at what festered away in the back of their minds. Suguru’s hand brushed on and off around your hips, guiding you a certain direction as you passed through thicker crowds. Satoru on the other hand occasionally would pull the two of you in as he walked and talked, sensing that you didn’t pull back as much anymore.

In reality, you were slightly buzzed from the maybe two cans of beer you had. They were tall cans and you didn’t quite care to push either of them away, leading them both to have the same type of curiosity invade their minds; could they go even further?

You settled off into the booth you got to know them both at on the night it had all began, sitting opposite with an empty spot beside you instead. Suguru ordered a bottle of sake for a change, pouring the three of you a glass each.

The topics of discussion were trivial for now, at least the ones that you could keep up with anyway. Things like your opinions on Utahime and the discussion of what Satoru was up to for the most part of the day occupied the conversation.

Then at some point during it all, Satoru got a phone call that he couldn’t avoid, zoning off into the distance as he talked himself through it.

“Just my luck,” Satoru sighed as he ended the call, “I’ll be seeing you both tomorrow.”

His tone sounded a little resigned but he tried to smile through the annoyance he harboured, refusing to sour the mood. He didn’t want to be constantly away, especially not during what was supposed to be his time off—but he wasn’t in a position to refuse his responsibilities either.

“Think they’ll bother you this much when work starts up again?” Suguru asked him.

“Probably not, no,” Satoru replied, “I’m probably being pestered so much because they know I have time to spare.”

“Must be difficult being so important,” Suguru teased him.

“You know me, the strongest and the most important,” he continued to joke even if his demeanour did continue to dampen.

When he left, the staff asked you both to downsize to a smaller table anyway to make room for the other customers as the establishment quickly filled out with more and more customers. Suguru didn’t really mind this development as he continued to top you up more, slowly drinking his own glass as you continued to finish off one glass after another, finding yourself a little bit too tipsy to think properly.

It was then that he moved just a little bit closer, playing the current situation into his hands with successful ease this time.

“You know, my place isn’t too far from here,” he spoke deliberately, allowing dangerous words playing off of his tongue in a tempting melody, “Shoko’s probably still busy with Utahime, probably best not to disturb ‘em,” he leaned a little forward as he spoke, “feel like relaxing at mine for a bit?”

You hesitated initially, wondering if by accepting that you were accepting something that you shouldn’t be. You didn’t want to lead him any more than you already had, either.

“I have my own room at Shoko’s you know, I can just wait it out there,” you replied, trying to establish a boundary right away.

“Yeah but, you wouldn’t want to impose right? Besides, I won’t do anything you don’t want me to, [name],” he continued to say, coaxing you into his reach, “it would be just for a little while, we’d both sober up and I’ll even walk you back.”

“I mean…” you continued on as you started to slightly panic, your gut instinct telling you to pull away.

“I do this all the time with Shoko and Satoru,” Suguru continued to lie, knowing fully well that he doesn’t really allow anyone into his home, “I just think you need to relax a bit, that’s all.”

“B-but, doesn’t it seem weird if I go back with you while I’m this drunk?” you asked.

“Why would it be weird?” he asked, his voice hushed, as if he didn’t want to be heard by others.

“B-because, like, I don’t know-“

Suguru interrupted you as you spoke, trying his best to remain patient while he had you all alone, “I’ll take care of you, don’t worry. We don’t do anything bad, we’ll just watch a movie or something to wait it out.”

“B-but-“

“Don’t you trust me?” he asked you, seeming a little colder.

“I-I mean, I guess I do…” you considered it again, foolishly trusting him to not do anything just because he said that he wouldn’t, the alcohol clouding your judgement.

“Just to unwind, yeah?” he repeated himself, luring you in. “It’s not like I’m asking you to spend the night, right?”

“R-Right.”

Still, some type of danger lurked. You were agreeable right now, drunk and easily swayed. Some type of looming threat filled his all too promising tone, seeming almost deceitful.

Your own gut instinct was telling you to reject him a second time, a third time if you really had to do so—but you didn’t do a single thing.

Instead, in the peak of your inebriated judgement you chose to trust him because he was your friend and because he promised you something so simple and yet so major.

He wouldn’t hurt you.

At least not like that.

(Would he?)

***

The walk back with Suguru felt strangely quiet but it was relatively a short journey just as he had promised you. He kept your body steady as he walked you back to his home, keeping you from tripping over your own feet.

To some extent, he wondered if he should actually be taking it this far with you given that you couldn’t even walk straight—but he wouldn’t be forceful, he’d only go as far as you’d let him.

His place was probably the most central out of all of the places you had been so far, not counting Satoru’s place as you hadn’t yet been there.

Suguru continued to carefully handle you as he sat you down on his bed, his movements feeling all a little too personal and calculated. His hand drifted back to your thighs to test the waters of your own lacking sobriety as his other hand swooped in to meet around your waist.

“So, [name], I’m sorry but I gotta ask you something,” he spoke up after a short moment of silence, doing his best to continue to keep his tone as kind as possible, not wanting to scare you in any way, shape or form.

“Huh?” you replied, suddenly catching onto the idea that he might have wanted something from you, only just now registering that his hands were on you, too.

You were still trying to keep as soberly passing as you could be, but the strange mood and the new environment felt disorienting, even if you had already been in here before.

“You haven’t been with anyone, right?” he asked you as his eyes locked onto yours, the question he asked you seemed important to him for some reason. “You’ve not slept with anyone?”

Usually, he didn’t even care about this sort of thing—but something about you being being one was making him go crazy, in an almost possessive kind of way.

It felt wrong for him to admit it, but he felt entitled to you—not just for a quick fuck either, but something permanent.

He wanted you.

“Yes, but don’t laugh-“

“—I’m not asking to make fun of you.”

“Then why?”

He sighed as he looked back at you, wondering if it was best to just let you fall asleep or to take you back to your apartment and forget that this conversation almost ever happened.

But something told him to hold onto you, wanting to see just how far it could all go.

“I have a dilemma with you, that’s all it is,” he admitted, scooting a little towards you so that he sat closer. It was difficult for him to get the right words out as he had to find a reasonable way to explain that he didn’t want others to get close to you, to make you understand exactly what type of madness was going rampant through his head.

It was difficult to form something coherent that didn’t sound like he wanted to use you, because that wasn’t his intention at all.

“A dilemma?” you asked, your words slurring against your tongue.

“Don’t get with anyone else,” he asked you, the hold he had on your thigh seeming to tighten as he talked, his other hand pulling you closer as he dared tempt something he might regret, “it makes me unwell just thinking about it, I don’t even know why.”

Your words initially got caught in your throat as you failed to produce a response—even currently drunk, you understood what he was trying to imply.

And yet, not a single word could come out.

“Don’t hate me for saying it, but,” he sighed again, not letting you move let alone get away, “I want for you to allow me to…”

“No,” you finally choked out, not letting him finish off his sentence that he barely got to begin with. You understood what he wanted to ask you and you weren’t ready, even when this drunk, you knew that much.

Suguru stared at you as he took that rejection somehow in continued stride, fully well having anticipated that exact answer. He never once expected you to directly accept his offer, knowing that it would be insane for you to do so.

Instead, his plan was to actually ease you into it; to build up a gradual acceptance on your side, to get you close to him before anyone else could.

Dating was too slow—he wanted to get to you sooner, before you could catch onto what’s going on, before you could simply just leave.

It was wrong for him to do so, he knew it, but his own desire was overwhelming his sense of reason and he had to do it, or else he’d actually do something he regretted.

So to him, this was a more diluted path.

“Look, I’m the only one who really gets you, right? I’m the only one who can look out for you properly,” he continued to say, “and I’m the only one who would stick around with you after, [name], because let me make one thing abundantly clear—this world is cruel.”

You continued to zone out as he spewed out words he thought you were genuinely considering when the reality was that you were trying to keep yourself from passing out in his company.

You knew exactly where he was going with this, you weren’t that unaware and oblivious, his intentions were apparent from the very moment he put his hands on you in the car but you weren’t still entirely sure how he went from ignoring your texts from days on end, to wanting to get in bed with you.

Something must have happened last night, otherwise why else did he know to ask you certain things?

“I’m just saying, [name],” he said as he pinched your chin, making you face him directly, “Satoru got a taste, but he didn’t appreciate you, did he?”

“I-I mean n-no, but-“

“—did he make you feel anything?”

“He never meant to.”

“But don’t you want to feel something, anyway?”

“I-I don’t know.”

“Because, I want you to feel things.”

He didn’t give you a whole lot to work with, nor any time to think for yourself as this conversation continued back and forth. His body continued to otherwise slowly towards you the same way, regardless of what you said, his lips seeking yours out as you moved back in retaliated discomfort.

Suguru continued to play the part of someone who appeared reasonable, nodding and pulling back to respect your decision. He was going to get to you either way, so your rejection didn’t hurt him because as long as he got with you before Satoru did, then he will have won.

He reconsidered his options as an almost unhinged expression manifested on his face, tightening his hold on your body as he surrendered to a flow of worrying ideas.

You internally panicked as this all unfolded, doing your best to perhaps foolishly hold onto his friendship while also pushing back on his advances, entering a point in your own psyche where you had no idea what you truly wanted either.

Certain words stuck, like Satoru stealing your first kiss and the fact that you felt nothing from it. Shoko got the title of your first real friend and Suguru sported the title of your first date, even if it was platonic. To circle back to Satoru, he had the honour of being the first guy you introduced to your parents; so no wonder it all seemed so confusing if he even liked you at all.

Your friends were out here taking away all of your firsts that were meant to be special moments shared with someone you could trust, instead being snatched away by this strange new group of people at every whim.

The lack of it all being genuine except for the friendship was starting to eat away at you, realising that such rapid progression was beginning to hurt you in a way you didn’t truly understand.

But… you were still left unsure.

Was he making such a big deal out of this because he actually cared—or did he simply want to play you, to get into your pants?

As you continued to hold off on his advances, he finally let you go of you to find your own way, intending to just vent to you instead. You’d listen to him whether you wanted to or not, so he took advantage of that opportunity as it happened.

“I’m just feeling some kind of way, [name],” he said, surrendering a chunk of his feelings.

He continued to stare at you, feeling a little guilty as he continued to do so—this damn feeling just wasn’t going away.

“I think I like you and I don’t want to share, that’s all.”

“I-I can kind of get it, I think,” you finally said after a while, giving him an opening of sorts if only by complete accident, “but,” you were to still quick to stifle, “I don’t want to do anything I might regret and that includes with you, too.”

He nodded as you spoke, completely understanding the exact sort of direction to take with you now much to your unassuming dismay; you were simply shy in his eyes, inexperienced and not quite used to this sort of thing and he could work with that—to make you his before anyone else could even have such a chance.

He wanted to stick around, to give into those strange and confusing feelings that have otherwise been eating him alive for the last couple of weeks.

“So, how about we start off slow?” Suguru suggested, moving into closing off the gap with you once again, “I don’t want you to regret a single thing with me.”

“I-I still don’t really know-“ you considered, not quite saying no directly. He wasn’t backing off even if he did drop the subject concerning your virginity, being pushy in a whole other sort of way.

“Don’t you like me too?” Sugur asked you, trying to find something that might not have been there.

“I-I do, but you know, as a frie-“

He cut you off again, not letting you finish that sentence, “Don’t say it. We’ve got something going on that’s better than just being friends.”

“W-we do?” you slurred a little.

“Can’t you feel it too?” he asked, leaning closer again.

“I mean, I don’t know, this is all too sudden for me and I don’t even know you that well,” you admitted, trying not to give into the pressure, you didn’t want to be something temporary or casual to someone you were trying to just be friends with.

“Then get to know me,” he whispered, “nobody else will appreciate you like I do.”

By then, you felt the booze hit your body a bit harder too now that it has had time to simmer; suddenly you couldn’t quite sit still, let alone agree or disagree.

He leaned into your lips without any protest on your end, despite your lacking consent to continue onwards; the smell of stale cigarettes exhaled into your mouth as he finally connected this kiss. His tongue pushing itself into your mouth, wrestling it with your own—your own muscle reluctantly following suit, despite not really knowing exactly what to do.

Your vision blurred as you barely kept up; you never did express consent nor give him the green light to continue, but every time you considered speaking up, your words would either slur or they never made it out of your mouth to begin with.

“Relax, you can keep your mouth still if it’s easier for you,” he said as he pulled back, his dark eyes intently focusing on you, “I’ll lead the way.”

Once again, he didn’t give you an opportunity to reply as he quickly resumed his pursuit of you; his mouth reconnecting with yours as his breath so hot and heavy rippled waves down your chin—his tongue flickering against the tip of your own as it fought back involuntarily, trying to move it away.

You felt as his hand then crept towards your own, grabbing onto the back of it as he slowly guided you into his trousers; straight past the waistband and slipping into an even deeper layer so that you could feel his, his—oh—were you feeling his—?

You froze as you now had a burning compulsion to pull away but your head pushed up against his face as his free hand held your skull in place—fingers weaving between interlocked strands of your hair, bringing you forward and tugging at your lips with his teeth, keeping you tethered to him.

Using the hand that held your own hostage, he moved you in so that your hand filled out with the length of his meat; your fingers wrapping around it as he then moved your hand up and down in a particular motion, encouraging you to keep up.

Maybe this was more than just taking it slow—but fuck, he was so turned on.

“Can you keep that going for me?” he asked, his voice sounding dangerously playful as he clearly was enjoying this moment.

You couldn’t vocally protest in the meantime nor shake or nod as he kept you subdued in a specific sort of state, so you kept it up either way because you were too overwhelmed to break away.

Not that he would allow for you to do so either way.

This was too good for him—he felt too good, so fucking good and he hadn’t even gone all the way yet. He wouldn’t yet. He knew now that he should savour this, to build it up.

He pulled further back from the kiss as your saliva trailed over your chin, webbing between his own—curious to see exactly how you were doing, realising that you might be struggling to keep up as someone with virtually zero experience with this sort of thing, while also wanting to get you used to this sort of state.

You continued to get into it and kept up to his requested pace along his shaft as he finally moved the hand that otherwise kept you glued to him to slip in between your legs, finally getting just a little further. He moved in smoothly, his hands brushing up the skirt and pushing past your underwear—his fingertips finally exploring the slick wetness you kept so well hidden.

To his amusement, he could see just how turned you actually were based on how soaked you were as well as the blush that formed on your face, even if your expression was a little unreadable.

In reality, you were equal parts confused and rosy red from the liquor settling in your system, keeping up but just barely.

You knew that this was wrong, that he never even asked you if this was okay to do, but you’ve also been so confused in this past couple of weeks.

You didn’t know what you were feeling.

“You’re doing so well, [name],” Suguru continued to purr into your ear, “wanna let me help you feel good too?”

“U-um,” you managed to reply, although still not using proper words.

“Trust me, I just want you to enjoy yourself,” he tried to reassure.

There it was; that confusing feeling again. You felt cornered as you considered accepting his quickly approaching advances, even given the position you were locked into. His hand rested near you, delicately parting you using his fingers—his touch was pleasant and warm and he wasn’t hurting you at all, but it still felt so terribly fucking wrong.

So, when he continued to once again move in despite not getting a verbal confirmation, he wrongfully read into your lacking say in the matter as a green light, thinking that because you weren’t screaming no or for him to stop despite your body language gesturing at something different was simply because you were shy.

Oh no, he didn’t even think to consider that you were simply too drunk to comprehend a single thing to begin with.

His fingers continued to slide into your heat, pushing over the opening and searching for something else in particular; your clit from what it felt like, focusing his efforts on there as his fingertips started to trace circles right around it.

Suguru enjoyed watching your reactions, his dark eyes finding light in your expressions and reactions—your own thighs quivering from his touch, trembling as you approached your limit.

He of course wanted to push you even further, wanting nothing more than to see you be needy and to moan his name; to beg him to let him fuck you, but he couldn’t be too greedy, at least not yet.

He’d slowly break you in, convinced that there was something about the chemistry that you both shared; feeling certain that there was absolutely something there, even if you couldn’t quite see it just yet.

So as he continued to gently swirl around your budded flesh and as your breathing quickly grew shallow; cheeks bruising cherry red, your insides coiling from his pressing touch—he too, got sent over the edge just from the sight of you alone.

At the same time though, that invading thought relented, daring him to go just a little further despite you not being ready; wanting nothing more than to taste your neck, to nip on your skin and petal behind lovebites, to push himself deep inside of you and feel just how soaked you were—but, but… he had to refrain, to hold himself back, at least for now, remembering that he didn’t want for you to regret him, so he finally pulled back from you.

His breath shuddered as you finished up on him, his face tightening as he clenched his jaw, eyelids fluttering as he started to finish, remembering to complete the same for you.

You squeezed your legs tight as you enveloped his hand, a rising need to finally seek out release; his circling motions finally coaxing out rolling pleasure as waves of warmth coursed through your body, a reaction that caused you to almost whimper breathlessly.

He pulled you closer as you finished, practically leaning into a hug against your body; his face rubbing against your own as he feverishly kissed you, his hand guiding yours as he finally got closer and closer to—but not yet, closer—to—

“Go a bit faster he breathed into your mouth, demanding release, “be a good girl for me—please, fuck.”

You listened to him as you accelerated the tempo against his dick; feeling a little more at ease from his continued flow of praise and encouragement until you felt his cock twitch, his breath hitch and finally empty himself at the mercy of your hand. Hot white ropes shooting without aim, causing a mess for you both.

He breathed in deep to recollect himself, still leaning against you before finally peeling himself away from you, allowing you to take back your hand and to find your ground again.

Guilt however then started to surface as he saw just how drunk you still were, leading him to finally seek out his own senses as he paused in his own tracks, leading you carefully to the bathroom before getting you cleaned up before returning back into bed with him.

There wasn’t a single chance in hell that you were going back home, even if he were to walk you all the way back and tucked you into bed himself.

He didn’t want a single person to be near you currently, not even Shoko and he trusted her.

So as you fell asleep beside him, your side occupying the usually vacant space against his chest, he felt a new sort of emotion plant itself and bloom, knowing that you were both in trouble if he continued to keep this up, just like that realisation many weeks ago.

Knowing fully well that he still wasn’t going to stop.

Not at all.

[whimsicalhorss]

The Recent Nevermore Drama.

Red, I think it's quite sad that you decided to delete all the original comments going against you and reexplaining what went down within your 'apology', which was 95% calling out rather than talking about the cause of the whole uprising. Nonetheless, here was my original reply, just so everybody who stumbles across this post can see the reply from somebody who's viewed it from both sides. The original message was, as follows:

'Hey Red,

I hope you're managing amidst everything that's been going on. I know you've been through a lot recently, and I hate to add to the messages you've been receiving. However, there are some things that I really need to talk to you about.

Over the past few days — even years — I've noticed some things that really concern me. It feels like there's been a lot of blame unfairly placed on certain individuals within your community, which is incredibly damaging, especially when it unfairly paints others in a negative light. I understand you've been trying to address the situation with Crimson, but the approach taken hasn't been effective and has caused more harm than good.

In terms of the Crimson drama, I think it could have been handled more sensibly. Consulting with Laci and others involved would have been beneficial before making the decision to introduce Crimson back to the server. When you were writing your explanation, which I know was rushed, you should have stepped back and consulted for longer - I know you felt pressured, but.. you needed to give yourself time to handle it.

With the screenshots, too - they were only censored to the point of concealing most of the users involved to keep the MINORS safely out of the evidence, and yet you continued to banter on about how they were censored and unable to interpret what happened. As well, you tampered with evidence when you sent a screenshot, CUTTING OUT the part where Laci mentioned they could give you the evidence uncensored if you asked, yet you continued to complain.

On the topic of minors, you name dropped SEVERAL in your apology. Do you know how endangering or scary that can be? It's insane that you felt the need to name anybody involved to get people off your back.

There's also Sardonyx - I don't know if you'll share this with your patreons but, if you do, hello Sardonyx. They casually aggravate people, make NSFW conversation in YOUR SFW server, and you still allow them to pursue in such a way. They continued to temper people after the initial Crimson argument and started their own, which could have been avoided if you had muted both persons involved (rather than banning everybody against Sardonyx) and asked for them to calm down and explain their conflict in dms.

Also the Bunnybel issue - I know the topic was discussed by people banned, but there's also the factor that neither you, nor your mods stepped in to stop it. Matter of fact, you contributed to it, and everybody went along with it as a fun easter event of drawing your two main protagonists in these outfits that, when looked at closer, actually have a much more terrible implication. You should have handled this earlier, rather than blaming it on somebody and ranting about how it's all their fault and they're in the wrong.

Again with Laci, too - you outright blaming her for everything that has occurred is terrible. Whilst that may be what you see in this whole confrontation, in truth, it really isn't anything like that, Red. Saying that everybody else involved were her 'lackeys' and 'twisted around her finger' was an incompetent, foolish way of pinning all these hardships on her. Some people involved, including me, had barely spoken to Laci prior, because a lot of people cared about the fact that YOU had unbanned a potentially alleged pedophile back into your server full of minors. I know it doesn't seem like everybody cared, but we all did, otherwise we wouldn't have started this whole 'riot' thing or whatever to go against it. I surely cared, considering I have been at the face of two pedophiles sending me unsettling, inappropriate images, and I know that it is hard to reach out to somebody or stop them when they shrug it off so nonchalantly.

Lastly, I think it's hypocritical you spoke about how certain groups were stalker-ish and stealing messages from a patreon chat, despite you taking a chat from private servers and dms. The behaviour is equal, is it not? You used your influence to alter certain texts and take them out of context, and the other groups simply took what you said and proved that you, and unpunished, favourited people who have been held dearly, have done terrible things yourself.

I understand that this whole thing has been overwhelming for you, Red, but I believe that there was a real need for you to approach each situation differently, and not to compile everything into an 'apology' that is 5% apology, and 95% calling out people and altering the blame to be put on them. I think that the tactics you used were poor, and I hope that you do figure out something better in the future.

Take care, and I'm here if you'd like to discuss this any further.

Best regards,

A bystander.' And the second reply I made, aimed at one of her patreons (or moderators? who knows.) who put a whole lot of shit behind a paywall and then continued to support her. Aha, Debobble, if it wasn't illegal, I'd show the whole world you trying to make a fake screenshot of Laci 'configurating her hate schemes', and how terribly it was done. 'Hello!

I hope you're having a joyous, maybe even 'whimsical' day!

A lot of things that have occurred recently are the fault of both 'sides' (if we can call them that. Not 'Laci's lackeys' or 'Clique 1 and 2'.) and I think I should refer to the way that this has been dealt with again. 

Yes, the server was owned by somebody different who was capable of banning Crimson, and it was intended for less SFW purposes, but I think Crimson went outright too far in a predatory way. They put a teenage oc with an adult oc, which is pedophilic behaviour, and sent several overly NSFW images. I assume that this chat was intended for 'implied sexual circumstances', rather than overly perverse, but I could be wrong. I agree in the fact that something should have been done, and I approve of Laci's initial reaching out, but I don't approve of the way Red banned them for as little as they did.

As I like to say; 4 months, 4 minors. You afforded Crimson a month for each minor they influenced in such a predatory way, and I think the time should have been extended.

Might I also add, these screenshots were not 'heavily' censored. They were censored for the safety of the minors and other persons involved and, yet.. Red seems to be content with name dropping every minor who was involved. So much for the safety of her members!

AND I have more to add, which I trust you to hand over to Red for me since you seem content to do that quite often for her - do you mind reminding her and the entire patreon and mod chat that Crimson (and Red, I'm pretty sure) knew the age of one 12 year old, who we might call 'Green'. They continued to share NSFW things to them, including making jokes about what I assume was a 'vibrator in public'. How SFW for a child! Crimson is VERY innocent.

I agree that all of this has gotten out of hand, but both responses, from Red, the moderation team, and the patreon chat against the groups banned for involving themselves, but I wouldn't consider it a mob. Both sides had good intentions, it's just the way Red has gone about it - framing others for her mistakes and outright dismissing people for being concerned about the safety, that has made this come to such a volatile level.

And the whole, breaking several TOS, and a law? If thats what we're doing, what are you doing? Leaking private messages, encouraging predatory behaviour, endangering minors, leaking names which could result in a witch hunt from Red's expanse following? Oh dear..

How volatile.

Best regards,

A bystander.' Red, every little detail you have undergone is such a negative, unredeemable smidge to this massive whiteboard of what you could do. Instead of handling this like the adult, you undertake criticism harshly, which is detrimental considering you are somebody who has been writing for years, which means that you should have matured and adapted to take this kinds of things. You could have taken a month, maybe two, maybe three, to explain the whole Crimson thing - it would have been much less detrimental to yourself, and your community. You absolutely wrecked every second, third, fourth, fifth chance people were tempted to give you with every detail that went in to making sure that YOU felt like you had to be right - name dropping, which could lead to witch hunting with your massive following, especially since the people were minors and specifically requested you keep their names out of it. You allowed an alleged, potential predator back into your server without consulting it with victims - and don't get me started on the whole 'Crimson didn't know!', they knew at least one of them, and still continued. You pinned the blame on Laci, on another person (who has asked me not to say their name and, like the respectful person I am, will not be namedropping. That doesn't seem like a familiar concept to you, does it?) and you keep all these little dirty secrets behind a paywall. Red, in the most respectfully disrespectful way, grow up and learn to be better. You spout all this bull, every little detail and, when it backfires, you cower into a corner, guilt trip, manipulate, and eventually resort to the potential physical or mental harm of other people. It needs to stop. The icing on the cake, to all of this? YOU, as the 'mature adult that would never stand for pedophilic behaviour, that loves their audience, that has a server full of minors', that YOU would delete messages explaining the situation in a different point of view. You don't want your vast following to see these and think, 'huh, maybe Red isn't as good as I thought they were?', well they aren't. I don't know if people will see this but, sincerely, I hope Red, Flynn, DeBobble, the patreons, the moderators, and all of the discord and general following of Nevermore and RnF know that what Red spouts isn't necessarily all true.

Kind regards, A bystander.

[angy-grrr]

I can't believe Horikoshi decided to parallel togachako with shigaraki and deku, but also with kacchan and izuku, because there are multitudes into their relationship.

Ochahimi has this obvious textual side going on for a long time that its meant to be seen along Shigaraki Tomura and Midoriya Izuku: a hurt villain and a hero who feels the need to stop the pain. Two sides of the same coin. Will they take their hand? How could they reach out? Is there any hope for the rejected? We have different scenes in which its clear Uraraka and Midoriya have this idea of saving someone who is hurt even if they are a villain, the flashbacks of their conversation before the war, but surprisingly Ochako doesn't think of it as much as Izuku in this final battle -clearly stated, is when Himiko is giving her own blood to save her and explaining how she felt like her heart was floating when Uraraka touched her. The flashback reminds us of Izuku talking about how "maybe theres no way to avoid a battle, but I cant ignore what I saw deep inside him".

But Ochako isn't happy even if she got there, even is Toga tells her she made her happy. She's tired, sad, and desperate to stop her when she cant even move.

Its difficult to analyze Izuku's emotions, but once again, we can try to work with what we currently have! As far as we know, Izuku isn't really having that much of a conflict in terms of if he should save Tenko or not -the problem was external. What would the OFA users think? He challenged them by staying true to his inner core, and they accepted him, but we don't see him struggling with the idea of him reaching out to Tenko in itself like Ochako, who actively tried to forget about Himiko.

I interpret his flashbacks to his conversation with Ochako as a reminder of the person behind the villain, because he is also feeling something else: anger. Izuku was really hurt during this battle both physically and, I would argue mostly, mentally. As he himself said, he can't forgive Shigaraki, just try to stop the crying child from hurting, and the reminder of Ochako's own goals and words are a reminder of his own intentions; lets not forget, moments later he took control after seeing Katsuki's dead body, he attacked Shigaraki in ways that would cause severe damage -like in the middle of his chest, causing a hole.

Uraraka doesn't actually try to hurt Toga, but use her martial arts training in order to both dodge and tackle her, so she can hear what she has to say. I re-read the chapters around Katsuki's revival, because I was wondering, "does Izuku remember this before or after he locked eyes with Bakugou?", and the answer is after*. The other time he thought about it was before leaving the togatsuchako battlefield, when Ochako encourages him to not worry and go get Shigaraki.

So, what I mean by this is, Ochako Uraraka and Izuku Midoriya are not the same person, and they don't feel the same way for their main villains, just like Tomura Shigaraki and Himiko Toga don't feel the same for their main heroes, and are not the same. Izuku actually feels resentment and anger for Shigaraki, he cant forgive him, but he also doesn't want to kill and punish like that; he is a savior, if he has to fight he will, but in his heart he knows what he prefers' maintaining peace, and help the ones who are vulnerable. He sees the villain, and he sees the child who grew up abused and sad; he is a sweet boy, ofc he would try to stop the crying somehow. His conflict with him now, Im guessing, is that he doesn't really feel like he actually saved him -after all, he disappeared after the last punch, and he still considered himself the leader of the league who wanted to destroy everything. He gave him his autonomy back and tried his best, but his last words and request feel like a completely different "task" than what he envisioned; it makes him think, about what heroes and villains even mean in their society, and who gets to decide those things. How can he continue with Shigaraki's legacy?

In another hand, Ochako's conflict don't come from her own moral compass, but from what she is supposed to do; before she even saw sadness in her face she thought positive things about her -she has a cute smile, she is really honest with her feelings, and isnt scared to be open with others, and she envies that. She envies the villain Himiko Toga, and relates to her, and feels connected to her. So her pain feels even more personal when it shouldn't; she isnt her family, she is someone who has tried to hurt her and her friends over and over while being so happy about it. She is weird!

Besides the thoughts about society and who helps both heroes and villains, which are really important for her character and goals, the other side of their problem is... the way Ochako was refusing to see and accept her own weirdness. Interacting with Himiko was chaotic, confusing, and left her full of doubts about herself and what she wants, because isnt she even weirder if she wants to be more like her? How can she admit those thoughts out loud? Anyone would agree that behavior is disgusting, but... she can't hate her. She can't try to punch her, or hurt her, and she never was able to no matter how much she tried to convince herself this is the only way.

Her conversation with Izuku opened her mind and heart to start accepting what she truly wants to do to Himiko instead of what she has to do as a hero. What does she want? To stop her. Her hurt. Her tears. To make her happy, and to keep her alive. She wants to see everyone happy, to get peace.

This is why her conflict is both related to Shigaraki and Deku, and Katsuki and Izuku; in one aspect its about morality, heroism, villainy and society as a whole. Himiko will question how things works constantly, and she can't ignore it. And at the same time, there's an emotional side to it; she has multiple confrontations with her, where miscommunication and holding back hurts them both. She pushes herself to be more like others, but it doesn't feel right anymore; Himiko makes her see her own self hatred, and jealousy and care grow more and more. Why can't see just do the right thing to maintain peace?

Just like Izuku was surprised by Katsuki's tears during their second fight, Ochako gets concerned by Himiko's, when she interpreted Uraraka's words as her rejecting her love -and therefore, whole self. Is not until the second war that she even realizes Toga actually loves her in the same way she loves Izuku, being a little clueless herself.

It doesnt sit right with her to do the "normal" thing, because she isn't normal at all; she thinks about making a villain happy, and how lovely her smile is. Her honesty and openness to be unapologetically herself, no matter how much others try to push her down or change her attitude; she hurts others, she knows that's wrong and agrees with that generalized sentiment... but hate her for it? She tries to do it, but it doesn't work. Inside of her heart, she knows what her emotions are telling her, and its not anger.

This is messy, my head hurts, but Im hoping I can write something better and longer in the future. I guess it makes more sense that drawing of Shigaraki, Izuku, Ochako, Himiko and Katsuki all together. I always wondered, if this is about heroism and society, Katsuki shouldn't be there, and if it is about emotions and rivalries, then it would be Tomura.

If you read this far, thank you for your time, and apologies for the confusion the writing could have caused you.

*My internet is going really slow, so im not re-reading all of the chapters after Izuku's arrival in the battlefield, so I cant 100% say this is the very first time he does remember it. Once im able to, or someone checks it for me -wether im right in my statement or not-, I'll edit it to be accurate with the material.

[animebw]

Kumirei and Conflict Avoidance

So, after that earth-shattering Eupho episode last weekend, I am, unsurprisingly, hyperfixating on Kumirei once again. I keep rolling this conflict over in my head, how we got to this point, how inevitable it was in hindsight, how it reveals new sides of Kumiko and Reina's relationship I hadn't really considered before. And you know me: when I have thoughts, I have to talk about them. SPOILERS BELOW FOR ALL OF HIBIKE EUPHONIUM UP TO THIS POINT.

The thing is, Kumiko and Reina are incredibly different people. But one way in which their differences make them very much the same is that they both suck at handling messy interpersonal conflict. When faced with a problem that has no clear answer and every solution will end with someone getting hurt, they both balk at the prospect of actually facing that conflict head-on and dealing with that ambiguity. The difference is that Kumiko tries to shy away from dealing with the situation at all and hopes everyone will somehow find a way to get along, whereas Reina doubles down on her perspective and refuses to hear any counter-arguments. Kumiko reacts to uncomfortable issues by saying "Well, maybe everyone's right, I guess?", while Reina reacts by saying "No, I'm the only one who's right, and if you're against me you're doing it wrong."

And in a lot of ways, that makes them perfect for each other! Reina's stubborn passion is what pushed Kumiko out of her comfort zone and gave her the spark to actually care about what she's doing. And on the flipside, Kumiko's willingness to give people the benefit of the doubt gives Reina someone she can rely on when her pride is pushing everyone else away. At their best, they balance each other out perfectly, Reina inspiring Kumiko to try her hardest and Kumiko giving Reina a safe place to let herself be vulnerable. It's what's made them such an incredible couple for over a decade now.

But when things go really south, those instincts can end up bringing out the worst in each other instead. Reina's stubbornness can be so overwhelming that Kumiko can't bring herself to actually confront her for fear of how angry she'll be. And that reluctance ends up enabling Reina further, pushing her toward greater arrogance secure in the knowledge that at least one person will always be on her side. Reina makes Kumiko shrink even further, Kumiko lets Reina's ego swell even bigger, and suddenly the same odd-couple magic that pushed them to such great heights becomes a vicious circle dragging them both down.

Because at heart, neither of these girls have yet figured out how to navigate a situation that demands asking uncomfortable questions and making imperfect choices. Neither of them are brave enough to handle a messy conflict with the level of maturity it demands. Keep in mind that as many ups and downs as they've had, Kumiko and Reina have never truly gotten in a massive argument with each other, an argument that would demand them making those hard choices. The closest we got was the infamous episode in season 2 where Reina's crush on Taki-sensei boils over and threatens to drive a rift between them- and there again, Kumiko deflects the conflict, telling Reina she's "rooting for her" rather than face the issue head-on and deal with the fact that the girl she loves is stuck on her feelings for an adult who will never return them. Which, as I've discussed before, is framed just about as tragically and depressingly as cinematic language can accomplish.

But now that Kumiko's band leader? She can't keep running from arguments anymore. She has to dive headfirst into the thick of all her bandmates' issues and actively choose how to best keep them together, even if that means making hard calls she isn't comfortable making. And Reina's in a position of power now where her hard-headedness doesn't just affect her, but trickles down to all the underclassmen she's trying to lead. Neither of them can afford to let their worst habits drive their decision-making anymore- because it won't just be them that suffer if they refuse to rise to the occasion.

Which brings us to the boiling point of Kuroe taking Kumiko's place in the audition. In the aftermath of this upset, we see both Kumiko and Reina's coping mechanisms pushed to their limits. Kumiko's trying to calm everyone's worries while her own heard is still a whirlwind, Reina's doubling down and refusing to even consider Taki-sensei made a wrong call, and it reaches a point where this state of affairs just isn't sustainable anymore. There's too much tension built up, there's too many people's dreams and hopes on the line. Something has to give, or everything's going to give.

And it's here, at last, that Kumiko finally does something she's never had the courage to do.

She stands up to Reina and tells her, point-blank: "No, Reina, YOU'RE wrong."

No wonder it feels so monumental. No wonder Reina's shaken enough to rip apart their relationship. After years of not being able to address the deepest, stickiest issues that lie between them, Kumiko shatters the cycle of enabling they've been falling into and tells Reina that she is wrong. She is wrong to put herself above everyone else and not listen to alternatives. She is wrong to blindly put faith in Taki-sensei at the expense of all her bandmates counting on her to have their best interests at heart. She is wrong to let her pride and stubbornness guide her. It's bad for the band, it's bad for her, and it's bad for her relationship with Kumiko. And if they're going to have any chance of moving forward, then she needs to be just as brave in facing this mess honestly as Kumiko is. She needs the courage to accept that she isn't always right, that her way or the highway is no way at all, that the uncompromising road she walks will one day separate her from everyone she once held close.

She needs to let go of her fear of emotional honesty and meet Kumiko on the level she's finally been able to reach.

And you know what sticks with me the most? After Reina lashes out at Kumiko and essentially tells her to get stuffed, we see the horror in Kumiko's eyes as she realizes the consequences of finally standing up to the girl she loves...

...only for her expression to settle back into the determination of a girl standing by what she said regardless.

After so many years, Kumiko is facing her closest companion's worst traits dead in the face. And in this moment, in this expression, she decides that doing the right thing is more important than clinging to their relationship through thick and thin.

It's a face that says, "If this is the choice you're making, then this is worth ending things over."

And I can't blame her one bit.

[starwikia]

suicide cw

look i have been in this area before mentally. it sucks and i wouldn’t wish this on anyone. but, and this is going to sound callous, but i don’t feel any sympathy for james somerton. even if i hope he’s like. not dead. But thats all the amount of goodwill im willing to give him. The more i think about this really, the more angry i am. 

ngl this entire situation is another example of how white people weaponize their mental illness to avoid consequences. Im seeing it in real time.

this man has a continuous habit of using self-harm as a get-out-of-jail-for-free card. in both of his apologies, he has worded his supposed attempts in ways that were clearly meant to guilt people who displayed his plagiarism and overall horrendous history of racism and misogyny. i say supposed because, while i’m not saying those are lies and this would he such a fucked up thing to lie about that i don’t want to think he has, unfortunately, it’s been proven again and again that his word can’t be trusted, as he’s known to lie to try get out of consequences. Hes a proven liar. him lying about this is actually the best case scenario, because no one should go through this entire situation, wouldnt wish this on anyone, but you can only do this so often before people stop sympathizing with you. is this callous? Yeah, but like. I’m actually fucking angry he cant straight up take no as an answer. that this is how he reacts realizing he cant be one of the Cool Kidz™️ on youtube anymore. he acts like he DESERVES a career, like its not a privilege hes lost due to his own actions.

He lied about apologizing and forgiving people, he lied about giving the money to hbomberguy to give to ppl he ripped off (yknow, instead of doing it himself), he lied about the jessie gender situation and rewrote the narrative to make it so he isnt the bad guy, and hes the victim all along actually!

you can’t tell me that supposed last message of his isn’t meant to be a 13 reasons why esq attempt to deflect the blame “look i’m going to kill myself and it’s all YOUR PEOPLES FAULT for not letting me achieve my DREAM of being filmmaker IN PEACE!!! I just wanted Nick’s (the guy who I have thrown under the bus again and again) portfolio up!! Im just being a good friend dont you all FEEL BAD” he refuses to take ANY ACCOUNTABILITY of any of his actions and he IS STILL trying to shove the blame over to other people again.

it’s also pretty ironic people are like “uhhh well hbomber’s fans harassed him!!!” like hbomber outright told people NOT to HARASS JAMES!!! ALSO acting as if james doesn’t have a very real documented history of STRAIGHT UP sending his fans to harass and threaten smaller creators, more notably women, trans, and bipoc creators. especially after he’s stolen typically very personal anecdotes so he could profit from them. so why can he do it but the second people are like “hey this guys an actual piece of shit.” and he can’t handle it suddenly people are trying to white knight his shit? like no he doesn’t get that. he doesn’t get that at all just because he couldn’t handle the consequences of his actions. 

what? were supposed to stay quiet about a man profiting off of other minorities because he wanted to be the spokesman for all gay people? people tried to solve this on a smaller, more private scales for YEARS and he kept doing it. it was clear that the giant public video was the ONLY way to get people to notice. HE WOULDVE GOTTEN AWAY WITH STEALING 87 FUCKING THOUSANDS WORTH OF DOLLARS. HE CANT HANDLE THE FACT HE CANT GET AWAY WITH IT. 

am i supposed to feel bad for the guy who basically threatened a trans woman with the police? i don’t care what anyone says, it’s so fucking obvious that he threatened jessie by implying he was getting the police involved in their conflict. what am i supposed to act like that didn’t happen? are we supposed to pretend like he didn’t glorify nazi’s and outright said that gay people made up a good chunk of the nazis? That he didnt say america joined ww2 bc they were jealous of the NAZIS. WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO FUCKING SAY THAT. but then? He gives women (not even women most of the time, he misgenders nonbinary ppl constantly) shit for writing mlm. are we supposed to act like he doesn’t straight-up sees himself superior and better than people of color and steals their works to put himself on a pedestal? Are we supposed to act like he didnt spit on our elders by saying “only the boring gays survived aids” like man! Fuck you! He BLANTANTLY MAKES UP HISTORY TO PUT HIMSELF ON A PEDESTAL!! HE ACTIVELY TRIED TO REWRITE LGBT HISTORY TO SUIT HIS FUCKED UP NARRATIVES!

yes this sucks ! no one deserves this but no one should be making him a martyr. Thats what he fucking WANTS! He wants to be immortalized as a victim!! (again, supposedly, it was reported hes alive but its not confirmed).

The shit he got isnt near the amount of fucking callous behavior hes done again and again. Again, to drill this point, EVEN IF HE DIDNT CALL THE POLICE HE THREATENED A TRANS WOMAN INTO THINKING HE DID!!! The fact he tried to use a head injury to justify years of the outright ghoulish shit fucking astounds me. Why the fuck did anyone in his life thought it was a good idea to let him TRY to come back. in the end, he had options. he didn’t need to try to make a comeback. HE DIDNT NEED TO FUCKING LIE OR IGNORE THE SHIT HE WAS CALLED OUT ON the reality is, he wanted to come back thinking he could shove it under the rug, was told that no dude, you’re not allowed to be a youtuber anymore. you’re done. you need to move on and went full nuclear. it’s not on anyone’s hands but his own. HES BEEN DOING THIS TO HIMSELF!! But nah man we cant call his shit out bc hell may or may not kill himself. Fuck the other minorities who have the same issues but worse and sometimes BECAUSE of him. This is going to SUCKKKK so bad when other ppl, specifically white gays, are going to weaponize this shit to get away with their stuff.

[the-witch-of-one-piece]

Secrets Kept From Him 18+ Chapter 7: Threats Ran x F!reader x Draken WC:7k Resident: @enchantedforest-network Synopsis: Ran feeling the rage of knowing what you did with Draken. He was so consumed with his thoughts he began to think about the past. The confrontation between Draken and Ran, threats would be known but would Draken really stray away? The confrontation between Ran and you would lead his daughter to know who he is. It wouldn't be the only complication that would lead you to the club to confront Ran with serious news. Fearing for you and your daughter's life it would be in Ran's hands. Seeing the woman who was on the other line and feeling conflicted with Ran. Everything happening makes you feel overwhelmed with everything. Tw: Threats, strong language (swearing, guns, and death), anger, anxiety, hickeys, kissings, flashbacks, passing out, break-in, stalking, arguing, possessive behavior from Ran, paranoia (unedited)

Draken had the towel around his waist as he went to his dresser pulling out a shirt for you to wear. As you slid the shirt it was overly too big for you yet he enjoyed the sight of you in his clothing. Draken went into the bathroom to grab something else. You reached for your phone that was in your purse. Seeing a voicemail along with a few messages.  Listening to the voicemail as you walk into the living room. ‘What the hell...’  he was at your home that late. The voicemail was left about 2 hours ago.  When you pulled up the test message from him. ‘You with him aren’t you. Is my daughter with you both?.’

Knowing if you called him right now it would be an issue and you didn’t want to drag Draken into this being so late at night already.When Draken came out of the bathroom he saw you walking back into the room. “Everything alright?” he asked. 

“Yeah, I was gonna check on d/n but I realized it was already late. They are already asleep.”  Both of you laid in bed flicking the light off. He pulled you close to his chest, the side of your face. You could hear the steadiness of his heartbeat. Draken may have had a hunch something else was bothering you but you wouldn’t tell him. He could sense it could have been  because of Ran, but he  didn’t want to ruin this moment with you. His fingers work through your damp hair massaging your scalp. “I hope you enjoyed tonight.” Closing your eyes enjoying his fingers rubbing your scalp “I did, it's been so long since I’ve been on a date.” “I hope you don’t mind  going on more with me.” 

“I like the sound of that… You don’t mind going out with a single mom at all?” asking him. Hearing the mixture of pros and cons dating a single mom from other people and what they experienced.  

“It doesn’t bother me you being a mom ________. Some people may be bothered but I'm not one of them… D/n is your first priority. You're a mom first.”  She was your first priority, making sure she was safe and happy. 

~~~~~~~~~

Rindou watched his brother's foot tap on the floor as he sat down on the sofa. Ran looked around the club trying to avoid his thoughts of you being with Draken right now. It was becoming more evident to him when he thought about the conversation you both had. The way your body language spoke more than your words. “I know they slept together. The way she was acting when we talked she never acted this way with me. I’m losing her…” “Not if you get rid of the problem.”  Rindou leaning back on the couch. 

“Getting rid of him would solve a lot of issues…He still works at the shop right?”  Ran asked. His brother nodded  “I think I will pay him a visit after the meeting tomorrow. Obviously I need to make the message more clear to him about staying away from ________ and d/n.”

Ran felt his phone ringing, wondering if you were finally calling him back. Maybe a part of him wanted it to be you and it was you asking him for help if you got stranded somewhere or were anywhere else other than with Draken. Seeing the caller ID he closed his eyes for a brief moment. His stress level was high thinking he may need to release it. “Hello Ms. Yamaguchi…I could be better, have you ever got the feeling you wanna bash someone’s head in to relieve some stress??…really now… you don't say… what else now? Give me 20 mins I will be there.” he hung up his phone. At this point he needed something else to distract him even if it meant fucking someone to get the tension off of him. Using her body was just something temporary. 

Ran was making his way to her place when his mind began to wander to the day you left. That day since you came back repeated in his mind  more often than he wanted it. Just like a fresh wound that dishenced he replayed in his mind. 

~~~~~~~

“I will be back later on...” He cradles your cheeks with his hands. One of his hands bandaged up from an incident last night. He noticed you had a weary smile with his words. “You alright doll?” He asked

“I’m fine, just a little tired…I might just lay down and get some sleep.” You assured him. 

“Call me if you need me to come home okay?”

“Ran I’m fine” you softly chuckled.

“I love you” he kissed your forehead. 

“I love you too. Ran… please be careful? For me?”  

“Of course, aren’t I always?” he gave a small smile “Ran, I'm serious. Just these injuries could have been a lot worse than this.” “___________, please don’t worry about me. I know you worry but I can handle what I take on.” Ran reassured you many times like he has before in the past. “I will always come back to you.” He gave you a kiss on your lips before he left.

 Later in the night when Ran got home, the place was completely dark. You would often wait for him. Thinking you may have been asleep. Walking into the bedroom his eyes adjusting to the darkness to see the bed was untouched. “Where did she go?” flicking the lights on in the entire home he couldn’t find you. When he called you on the phone hoping you would pick up he would hear your phone ringing. Seeing it on the counter…. Ran’s heart dropped  he didn’t know what to do he began to internally panic not knowing if something happened to you. There was no trace of you or where you could have gone. 

He had called family and friends no one had heard from you. Ran began to think of one person who would know where you went. The same person that couldn’t have you. 

Draken was at work when he saw the eldest Haitani brother pull up to the shop. Ran never came to the shop unless it was with you.The two never really engaged in conversation with one another. There was that bit of tension other people noticed but it flew over your head. He looked annoyed looking over at Draken, Emma was visiting the shop to bring Draken lunch when she saw Ran.  “Where is she?” 

Draken was screwing a bolt on a bike when he heard the question. He held the wrench in his hand as Ran approached. The guys in the shop heard the question wondering what Ran was talking about. “Where is who Haitani?” Draken asked as they both were a few feet apart. 

“She is gone.” Ran looked at him. “Don’t act dumb tell me where she is.” 

Emma looked over at Draken “Draken what is he talking about?” 

“I don’t know what he is talking about.” Draken paused for a moment realizing the question “wait what do you mean she is gone?” 

“______ took off  last night. No one has seen her or spoken to her since yesterday. You're the only person she tells things to or what she is planning.”  Ran's face was serious as he and Draken looked at one another. 

“She hasn’t told me anything.” Draken found it odd you left without an explanation. Something must have happened for you to go to the extent of leaving the way you did. “What the hell did you do to her to make her leave?” Draken asked.

Emma looked over at Draken who had a stern expression on his face. Just in this moment she could tell he wasn’t over you.  Even after telling her many times, she just knew. Draken pushed aside his feelings after he found out about you and Ran dating. He started seeing you less than usual. He didn’t want to ruin what was making you happy even if you were with someone else. 

“What are you assuming now?” Ran responded  “you really wanna go there?” 

“______ wouldn’t just leave the way she did unless you did something you prick.” His hand was holding tighter on the wrench. “If you touched her I sw-“

“You would have liked that huh? So can you save her?” He let out a sarcastic laugh. “I would never have harmed her, you should know that by now…Such a bold move in front of your woman.” Ran looked over at Emma “how do you feel about that? Seeing how irked he got about MY girlfriend now.”  His attention went back to Draken. “If I find out you're lying about knowing where she is… you won’t see the last of me.”

“I would like to see you try.”  Draken spoke in a threat of tone. 

They both started down one another before Ran took off in his car. Draken looked over at Emma who was looking down on the ground. She was feeling insecure about their relationship. She walked away ‘shit’  Draken followed her. “Emma, wait.”  

He reached for her hand. The moment she turned around her eyes were filled with tears. “Draken, I need to go” 

He couldn’t leave her like this. He took her to the break room which was empty. “Emma, you know I love you.” He did love Emma and felt guilty for making her feel like this. 

“Do you  honestly do?” She wiped her eyes. She felt like an option of what Draken settled for instead of who he wanted to be with. 

He closed his eyes for a brief moment before responding “l do.” He held her close to him. Emma's arms wrapped around him. His chin was resting on the top of her head. Draken couldn’t come to terms he wasn’t over you. As obvious it was right now he saw it was hurting Emma. He wanted to make this work with her, being in love with someone who wasn’t his from the beginning and he needed to move on in his life. He needed to be happy as well. 

~~~~ 

In that same time frame Draken was thinking about that day. From that point on, time passed once his relationship with Emma felt strong and solid; he wanted that next step in making her his wife. He began thinking about the efforts he tried to put in his marriage. But it was never enough… resulting in divorce. Emma prolonged the divorce for months making it more difficult for the both of them. 

Just him being able to hold you in his arms right now he had hope this would take off from here. But the challenges would only start to rise. He wasn’t fully sure how much of you wanted to move on from Ran or how long this would last between you both. You and Ran share a daughter together and a lot of memories that you and Draken hadn’t experienced. He was willing to fight for a chance to be with you. 

“______ are you up?” He quietly spoke. When he didn’t hear you respond he assumed you were sleeping. “I love you.”

You heard the words coming from Draken. Your eye slightly opened but he was unable to see them due to the angle. You honestly didn’t know how to respond. The last person you told I love you was your daughter. The words I love you held so much meaning to you, you wouldn’t mean it unless you truly were in love with someone. Draken effortlessly saying it with no hesitation. 

Ran on the other side of the city the built up anger and stress he was feeling wouldn’t go away quick enough.  No matter how rough the sex was this time, he couldn’t get rid of the image of you sleeping with Draken. It only filled his anger more. Everything he used to do to you he was now thinking you were doing it with Draken. 

Even after the sex it wasn’t enough for him. Ran getting off the bed and went into his coat pocket pulling out a cigarette. Looking at the time it was 4:30 am, “I have to get going.” Ms. Yamaguchi held the cover over her naked frame “You might as well stay. It’s already late.” 

“I prefer just to leave…my day is going to be long.” Ran spoke. 

“You seem so serious.” she gathered her hair on one side of her shoulder 

“I have a lot to deal with right now.” Ran was quickly getting dressed. “It felt like it. You wanna talk about it?” Ms. Yamaguchi asked as she reached for her robe.  Walking towards him. “Ya know you just don’t have to come over and fuck my brains out only. I’m a great listener.” ‘Also the one that made this predicament I’m in more stressful’ he said to himself. “I don’t wanna worry your pretty little head with things in my life.” Ran smirked his hands brushing through his hair. “I’ll see ya later at the club.”

He will be attending the meeting with Nishimura in a few hours. He only managed to get a few hours of sleep. Meeting Rindou at their office in the club  “you look like shit.” Rindou looked at him.

“Let's just get this over with.” Ran took a seat next to his brother. 

The meeting went on, certain demands were requested before they restart their negotiations. Both Rin and Ran were aware of the missing truck and products that were taken; they wouldn’t tell them they were in their possession. “We can make sure that doesn’t happen this time. But our price will be higher than last time and we need the money upfront before we make the drops.” Rin spoke.

They both saw the group of men speaking before the head of the Nishimura family spoke “Very well we will make some arrangements for that but we expect to hold your end of the bargain on things.” “Of course we can handle it. Just let us know when you want us to deliver the shipments.” Ran spoke “I will have someone reach out to you both regarding our shipment. I think this wraps things up,  we discuss everything that needs to be discussed. Well gentlemen, pleasure doing business as always.” Exiting out of the meeting, Ran got up from the chair. Rin looked over at his brother, “Don’t do anything stupid now.” 

“We will see what happens. I can’t promise anything I know I can’t promise.” 

~~~~~

Draken brought you to the shop to pick up your car. Both of you got out of his car and he walked you over to your car. “Thank you for last night.” “You don’t need to thank me.” he responded “I’m glad you went out with me. Looking forward to the next one.” “Me too.” you smiled  

Draken looked over at the shop to see some of his co-workers looking his way but then turned around when he saw them. “I know you gotta get d/n. You should get going.” his hand reached for your cheek before pressing his lips onto yours. “Right, I will talk to you later?” you asked him.

He nodded “yeah.” Draken opened your car door for you and saw you leave down the road.

Walking to the shop “So still just friends?” Inui asked. “And I wasn’t going to come into the shop today.” Mikey responded. “I take it that things are going well.”  Was dropping by the shop to catch the moment between you and Draken. “The date went well, she had to pick up d/n.” “She stood over huh?”  Mikey leaned against the tool cart. 

“Of course she did. The mark on her neck would prove she did.” Inui looked over at Draken 

“That’s enough. Stop trying to dig for info.” Draken spoke. Even if it was his day off he stood for a while to see the work Inui was doing. 

Seeing a car pull up into the parking lot. Getting out of the car was the eldest Haitani brother. His eyes darted over at  Ken who was looking back at him. “What do you want Haitani?” 

“I came here as a warning to you.” Ran spoke in a serious tone. “You stay away from _______ and my daughter or else.” 

Draken didn’t back down from the threatening tone. “You don’t scare me Haitani. If me and _____ decide to see one another, you're not going to stop us.” 

Ran let out a sarcastic laugh “see each other? That is a good one. It will be over my dead body if you think you can walk in and try to step in.”

“I’m not backing down anytime Haitani. You fucked up not me. You had your chance with _______, I will make sure she never gets hurt again.” 

“We will see about that.”  Ran said as he saw Mikey and Inui also looking at him. “You're lucky I don’t put a bullet in between your eyes right now.”

Mikey spoke in a monotone voice  “I think you should leave Haitani. Making threats here is not the best thing to do either.” 

“Really now?” Ran looked over at Mikey ``Such a shame, the person your sister only loved didn’t love her back. Yet you choose to still hang out with the man who divorced her. Some family you are.” Ran turned around “Stay away from them or there is a bullet with your name on it.” he walked back to the car before peeling off out of the drive away. “Is she even worth all this?” Inui asked, looking over at Draken.

“She is and if it means dealing with him… I will. I won’t back down to him.”

~~~~~~~~~ 

You stood for a few hours at your aunts before heading home. Arriving home you saw Ran leaning against his car with his hands in his pocket. “Mommy look, it's Mr. Ran!” She pointed out the window.

“Yeah there he is.” You parked the car, Ran made his way towards your car. You felt your anxiety kicking in the closer he got to the car. You didn’t know if he was going to make an incident in the front of the house or what.

Ran opened the back door to the car. “ Hello there princess.” 

“Hello.” She smiled. 

You got out of the car and he picked up D/n walking with her inside the house. They talked for a moment before he spoke  “Hey princess, me and your mommy need to talk really fast. Is it okay if you go up to your room?” 

She nodded. He put her down and he watched her go up the stairs. You on the other hand knew where this was going. Ran noticed the mark on your neck right away walking closer  you could see him slightly shake his head, his hand grasping your chin turning your head to the side. “You let him fuck you didn’t you...” the violet orbs that were always so kind felt cold.

“And if I did Ran?” You said you avoided eye contact with him as you pushed his hand away from your chin., “It doesn’t concern you on what I do. We are not together, you need to understand that.” 

He was a bit agitated by your response. He snapped it wasn’t by choice you both weren’t together.  “the reason why we aren’t together  is because you decide to fucking leave in the mild of the fucking night pregnant with my daughter. You think I wanted to give that up? You fucking think for a minute how that affected me? You fucking show up back in town and wouldn’t even have told me still I had a daughter?  

“I gave you my reason for leaving. I was doing what was best for my daughter Ran. You were so caught up with all your underground bullshit and living that dangerous lifestyle. Did you think that would have been the best thing for her growing up?!” 

His hand slammed on the counter hard as it made you jump a little bit. “Our daughter would have been safe ________! Did it ever occur to you it would have all worked out? Of course you didn’t because you jump to the worse fucking scenario as always.  Did you fucking forget I wanted to start a family with you. I wanted to marry you. Everything we had gone through together you just let it disappear just like that. Like I never existed in your life.” He looked at you. “My daughter calls me Mr. Ran… she doesn’t really know how close her daddy is to her and her mother. The only woman I loved just looks at me like I’m no good. To feel like a stranger in your life.” 

You paused for a moment “Ran..” “You don’t know the pain I went through all those years when you were gone…Yeah I slept with women to try and forget about you but you were always there. Comparing them to you and everything you did.” 

 From up stairs d/n could hear bits and pieces of what was going on. As a  child's curiosity, she didn’t know what was going on. She heard the ending Ran phrase ‘My daughter calls me Mr. Ran she doesn’t really know how close her daddy is to her’ 

D/n understood certain things and with that phrase she wanted to know if Ran was her father. Even though they asked her to go to her room as they talked she was too impatient. She could hear the argument between you and possibly her father. You caught a glimpse of your daughter who was peaking on the other side of the wall. “Sweetheart me and Mr Ran are talking.”

She looked at Ran, the same violet eyes looking down at her. Walking towards Ran, something told him to kneel down as she came closer. As he was eye level with his little one she looked at him. Her little hands reached for his face and she began to study his face more closely.. “Your eyes are like mine.” 

His hands rested on hers. “I know, princess….” he started off, Ran couldn’t hold it in anymore he felt the moment needed to be addressed right here and right now. “D/n do you know you're a part of me?”  He asked her, and she responded with a nod. “Who am I?” 

“My daddy?” d/n she gave a soft smile. 

Ran needed this moment right now. His arms wrapped around his little one. She didn’t let go either she held on tightly to Ran. The corner of her eyes began to water up, Ran wiped her eyes “it’s okay.” He kissed her temple. “I don’t plan on leaving you d/n.” Even with the arguing moments ago he didn’t care at all. His baby knew who he was. Something that he had been wanting to do since the first day he met his daughter, hold her just like this and make her feel safe.

“Does this mean Mr. Rin is my uncle? 

“He is.” Ran smiled. 

D/n was happy about this news, she finally had a daddy. “Mommy, does this mean we can all live together? Just like in the stories we read?” “It’s not that simple d/n”  you looked at her . She was a bit confused “but why?” “D/n…Right now me and your daddy are still figuring out somethings.” 

“Then we can live together right?” she asked. “We will see about that princess. Right now me and mommy have to talk some more about it…” “Okay…” she was a little bummed in her response. 

Ran knew how his daughter felt he wanted that as well but he knew it was something  he couldn’t control, not this time. “D/n me and mommy need to finish talking okay?”

“Okay…” She got down from her fathers arms and began to return to her room.

 Both of you walked into the back yard, the brief moment of silence as a light breeze floated in the backyard. “You didn’t give me a fair chance _____.” he started off. “From that point on when you left. I thought we were happy and moving forward in our future… I guess it was one sided. Even now…I know you don’t believe me, how much I wanted you back or how much I loved you.” “I do believe you Ran..how you are talking right now I know it’s the truth…I just couldn’t jump in where we left off… it wasn’t right..and just… never mind “

He looked at you then out into the yard. “What, Draken made you that confused on how you feel about me now or what? If I were to tell you right now I love you.. Would you say it back?” 

“Ran…” 

“You can simply deny all you want ________, but I know your response when I tell you I love you. ”  he wasn’t going to give up so easily, “I know every part of you very well. Even after not seeing you for so long. I know what you like, what you don’t…how to make you quiver and make you cum so quickly. Are you afraid of looking weak in front of me now?” You rolled your eyes. “I don’t know since you know me so well, you tell me.” He let a low chuckle out “You're afraid of caving in. That night on the phone you were fighting that urge. You wanted me to come over, if I would have it would have solved a lot of problems right then and there. Were you so desperate for sex you caved into sleeping with him?” it happened so quickly you found yourself against the wall he had you trapped between the wall and him. “What is it because he told you he  loved you? You felt special?” He was inches from your face, the somber tone he used as he spoke. “You opened your legs right away…If I find him here I mean it ______ he is a dead man. No other man is going to be around my daughter in that way.” he leaned back. “I can promise that.”  He began walking into the house. “Ran, I need you to leave.” your voice was calm but you felt angry with him and how he was acting. His words felt like you belonged to him whether or not you were with him. “As you wish.” Ran casually walked upstairs to the bedroom where his daughter was playing. 

He told her he had to leave because he had to work. “Are you coming tomorrow?” she asked

“Of course, I gotta see my girl.”he smiled and kissed her temple. After saying their goodbyes. You didn’t even walk him to the door. He let himself out.

Draken would end up texting you a few hours later that Ran went to his job knowing that you both went out the night prior along with the threats. “I’m sorry..” you sighed in the phone 

“It’s not your fault he did that.” Draken responded. 

“Still think it’s okay to still go on dates?” Asking him. “I just don't wanna cause problems.” 

“He doesn’t scare me, it may work on others but not me. If he has a problem with me taking you out he knows where to find me. I still want to take you out.”

You had a small smile. You heard your daughter call out for your name “mommy!”

“D/n calling for you.” you heard Draken chuckled. “Yeah, I will call you later” you told him

“Sounds good to me.Talk to you later” 

When you hung up the phone. You walked up the stairs towards your daughter's room.  When getting to her room you saw her sitting on her bed holding her stuffed rabbit tightly. “Sweetie what is the matter?” Walking into her you kneel down looking at her. You noticed her eyes looking at the corner of her room and then back at you. In  the corner of her room you saw a large man. Wearing all black and wearing a mask. “______ is it?” the deep raspy voice spoke. “Who the hell are you?” you looked at him. 

“Unfortunately I can't tell you that. You see I actually came here for a purpose…” 

“Purpose?” you stood up. “I was given an order to kill you..”  You felt your stomach drop, your daughter began sobbing louder. She held onto you tightly, “But I’m a reasonable man now. You see you are linked to Ran Haitani.” “What about him?” you asked. “Whatever Ran it has nothing to do with us.” 

“As my boss sees it, it can play a big role in our favor… Ran has something in his possession for years now and we want it back. I mean for years we tried to get it back but with no success but after following him for sometime we finally found something to make him budge.”  

You remembered the black car that was following you the other day… “mommy.” Your daughter was still sobbing. 

“Shh there there d/n  it’s okay no need to cry.” The man said, “You see, we didn't expect one of the  Haitani brothers to have a private family but assuming he didn’t know until a few weeks ago. And let me tell you it would be a shame to see that taken away so quickly right _____? Your daughter's life is so precious and so young. She hasn’t experienced life to the fullest yet.” 

“Please just don’t hurt her.” Your arms wrapped around your daughter.  Your heart was pushing with anxiety you didn’t know what this masked man was gonna do. You were trying to figure a way to please the man. You're heard rambling with various ideas. “What if I told him whatever he has to give it back. Please I-I promise he will give it back.” You splattered out. 

“You wouldn’t be lying to me right now to save your lives.” On the side of his pants pocket you had the pistol. 

“Please, I will do anything to protect my daughter.” 

“What a good mother you are. If you're able to get the stolen items back to my possession I will spare you and your daughters life but don’t play me for a fool ....” He walked closer and his large intimidating structure stood in front of you. “I know where you are at all times from your family's home to where d/n goes to school. I won’t hesitate to end your lives quickly. I expect to see the items returned soon. The sooner the better.” 

“Y-yes.”you nodded quickly.

The man pulled his phone out. Bringing it to his ear. “Bring the car to the front…” before handing up. “Let’s see how selfless of a man he truly is…. I do need to make my exit.. you are not allowed to leave this room for ten minutes… when the ten mins is up you can leave. Maybe even find Ran and tell him to quickly return the items.” 

The man walked out of the room disappearing down the hallway. You didn’t know how you did it for so long but your legs were trembling, you fell to your knees, your arms hugging d/n tightly. “I'm sorry d/n.”  The tears fell onto your cheeks. “I’m so sorry.” You need to get this taken care of right away. You looked at your daughter wiping her tears away “I’m here d/n I promised I will always be with you.” She nodded slightly sniffling.

You began collecting your thoughts before you decided to grab a bag. You weren’t going to risk staying here the night. You packed a bag for you and d/n. Quickly getting  her into the car you headed out to your aunt's home. 

Knocking on the door to her home. You looked around to see if any cars were around as you had your daughter in your arms. Paranoid you were being followed. When she opened the door you quickly got in. “What’s going on??” She looked at you and saw you with a distressed look. 

“I need to do something important. I will explain everything later. Can you please watch d/n?” You asked your aunt. 

With the tone and expression she was concerned but she couldn’t ask. D/n heated you were going to leave here and she held onto you right. “Please don’t go mommy.” 

“Sweetheart I have to… I  promise I will be back okay?” You tried to use soothing words to her. 

“I don’t want the bad man coming back.” 

Aunt looked at you. She was growing more concerned. “He won’t, mommy needs to find daddy and we will get this fixed.”

Giving her a tight hug and kiss, you looked at your aunt. “Thank you…” 

“Please come back,” your aunt looked at you. 

Pulling up to the club, you were underdressed to be going in there.  At this point you didn’t care when you entered the building you moved through the crowd. People looked at you  walking pass them as they were in the weekend clothing. Looking for Ran, but you were spotted by Rindou who was at the bar. He could see you were pissed off, “god dammit.”Rindou reached for your arm when you realized it was him. 

“Where is Ran.” you managed to speak loud enough over the music “_____  this can’t wait?” Rindou spoke, he thought it was because of what his brother did earlier. “Making a scene here is not good fo-“

You didn’t let him finish his sentence “Rin where is he at or I will find him myself.” you looked at him. There was no point in him trying to change your mind. “Come on.” 

You followed him closely behind, you saw Ran next to him was a woman wearing a dress that seemed too small bending over her whole ass would be showing. She was pretty close to him,but the way he was looking at her was a bit off putting as if he was uninterested but she was trying to have his attention on her. When Ran saw Rindou approaching, Ran saw you. The incident from earlier he wasn’t expecting to hear from you, let alone see you.

 The woman next to him was Ms.Yamaguchi. She noticed Ran’s attention was at you. "She came here in that?’ She thought to herself as she looked at you up and down. 

 Ran walked towards you leaving her side  “what is it?” he asked.

“What did you do?” you looked at him. “Who did you piss off?”

He was confused about what you were asking him. He had you follow him down a hallway that led to his office. When he closed the door he asked “What are you talking about?” he asked. “Ran, who did you piss off?” you ask him as you crossed your arms looking at him you were trying to keep calm. From the incident with the person in your home.  “What is with this question?” he asked “Someone was in my house and they knew you! They know where my family is, where d/n goes to school! ” you finally snapped. “This is what I was afraid of! You keep fucking with  people they are going to poke back! Are you trying to put d/n life at risk?!” 

Ran saw the anxiety and anger you displayed in front of him. “Where is D/n?” 

“She is at my aunt's house. I don’t know what the fuck you took but what ever it is they are not playing around.” You began to panic more thinking the worst. Remembering the threats. 

“______ you need to calm down.”  His hands resting on your shoulders. Threats being made to you and d/n pissed him off. He had a hunch in who it was but needed proof it was them. He didn’t want to jump onto it right away.

 Warm tears fell down from your cheeks pushing his hands off of you. “When you have someone threatening to take your daughter's life you wouldn’t be calm Ran. So don’t fucking tell me to calm down.”  He noticed you began to hyperventilate. 

“You being upset and freaking out is not making it any better _____” He spoke in a more stern tone. “I will find out who did this okay? I need some information about what they look like?” 

“He was in all black and had a mask on. His voice was deep and raspy like he smoked a lot…” You close your eyes seeing the tall masked man as you were  trying to stay calm. You didn’t want to go home not knowing if they would be there. You leaned against the desk running your finger through your hair. Your head was hurting and anxiety wasn’t helping it. 

You heard a knock in the door. The door opened to find the woman he was standing by a few mins ago “Ran darling  everything okay?” Ms Yamaguchi asked as she entered the room. Both you and her looked at one another “oh sorry I didn’t realize you had a guest still..” 

When you heard her voice you recognized it right away.  It was the other woman you heard that night. She was beautiful and she made you feel insecure a bit. She looked like she was a better fit for him than you ever did. You averted your eyes back to Ran. “Sorry for keeping him…”

“Oh it’s fine. I was just getting a bit lonely without him. I can take him back when you're done. Are you a friend of his?” She asked. Ms. Yamaguchi played a bit dumb knowing exactly who you were. 

 “_____ this is Ms. Yamaguchi… Ms. Yamaguchi this is _____”  Ran introduced you both. “Ms. Yamaguchi, me and ______ were in the middle of a discussion right now.” Ran could see Ms. Yamaguchi was butting in and saying things that weren’t really how they sounded to be. She latched onto him when she arrived and he was trying to show in his expression and demeanor how uninterested he was in her. 

“No no it’s fine I need to get going…”  you began walking off. “Nice meeting you…” 

Ran saw you walking off and he proceeded to follow you, as he passed Ms. Yamaguchi. “Wait where are you going?!?” 

“I need to finish talking to ______.”  Ran didn’t look at her as he began following you. 

The music was blasting loud as you walked to the exit. Ran was trailing behind you calling your name out. When you got out of the club you walked faster to your car. “Can you stop walking, dammit. Stop ignoring me.” He reached for your upper arm getting ahold of it. 

“That was her…”  you shook your head. “Ran darling…” 

“Ms. Yamaguchi does business with me and Rin.” 

“And you get to fuck her right between the meetings? Ran I’m not stupid but then again it’s not my business who you decide to fuck…I just know you have.” Why was it bothering you so much just seeing her?  The memories of running into Ran’s past lovers years back and how they would act towards you. It was always so unsettling to you. Instead of him comforting you each time it happened in the past, you had to manage it yourself and you did a poor job doing it..You got yourself worked up. Seeing Ms. Yamaguchi and putting a face to the voice didn’t help.

“She is not important right now . What is important right now is you and d/n.”  Ran said.  He saw you were still hyperventilating a bit. He held onto the sides of your face and he was focused on current state of mind. 

“I- I need to leave…” your body began to sway slightly stumbling trying to push his hands away from your face but you felt weak 

“______. You need to calm down.” his request wouldn’t be completed once your vision went black. Ran managing to hold onto your body. Making sure you didn’t fall to the ground “_______! Fuck.”  he called the bodyguard outside letting them know to call Rin. Rindou made it outside “What the fuck happened?!” 

Ran held you bride style in his arms ``she passed out… Look I need you to go get D/n from her aunt's house. Bring her to my place. I’m gonna take _______ there.” Ran had his car pulled up by the valle. Rindou helped him place you in the car, before he took off. As he arrived at his home he carefully carried your body to his bedroom placing you on the bed.  He wasn’t going to let you go back home if they were easy to get into the home like that he wasn’t going to risk having you there. Ran looked down at you ‘if only this scenario were different than right now.’ he thought to himself. Walking out of his room he loosened his tie and removed his jacket.  Rindou arrived with D/n who was hugging her as she was asleep. Ran didn’t want to disturb her sleep so he kissed her forehead.  “Put her in the room with ______.” After a few mins Rindou came out of the bedroom. “What the hell happened.”

“Someone broke into their home and threatened ________ and d/n. I don’t know all the details but from what ______ told it's someone I know… they want items back…” Ran gave Rin a look already knowing who it could be. “But I need proof it's them…They have info on d/n school along with ________ info as well and  her family… They are going to need to stay here for a while till this shit gets cleared.” 

“Did she agree?  Asking him. “She will have to, I don't see any other option.” Ran sat on the couch and he felt his phone ring. Pulling out his phone he saw it was Ms.Yamaguchi he rolled his eyes and sent her to voicemail. “She didn’t help either. It was a wrong move signing a contract with her… I feel like she made it more complicated than needed. She just added fuel to the fire…very close to telling to fuck off.” “Speaking of the devil she noticed you following_______ out  and asked me about it, let's just say I told there was a lot of history she wouldn’t understand .” “Pain in the ass I swear if she didn’t open her mouth everything between me and _____ , it would be better. Now I’m facing the difficulties of  dealing with fucken Draken.. Both of them had fucked..”

“Think of it now since she is here you really think she will go see Draken let alone leave when she knows someone is watching her.” Rindou sat on the other side of the couch. “As I see it the is an opportunity to fix any issues you might have.”.

Tagging: @pjmo-ri-ka-wawa /@rindougf/ @inupiluv/ @shycreatorsandwich / @awkwardaardvarkforever /@the-haitani-baton /@bontensbabygirl /@thebrownemo / @satanlovesusall666 /@intheafterall /@galactict3a / @ratlovecat/@niko-ash /@kira-rrh / @iluv-ace /@kosoyumei / @nightqueensk / @alexanderlightwoodii / @captainmycaptainn/@lovenats01@sintyu/ @strawberrychrome /@missgab @anxious-chick / @oyaoyaoyaoyaoyaoyaoyaoya /@s4dl1/ @elmakimaki / @spookiisopium/@staygoldsquatchling02, /@txna04, /@hana-patata /@livefromnc, /@mikorime,/ @mdibby / @chronic-claire-universe /@cxrrxxx / @drakensdarling / @stephisokay / @livuknown / @lunatical /@q-the-rockaholic / @istanstraykids / @opchara / @kinybgvcdxs / @twistedw0nd3rland3acc / @cloudsinthecosmos / @ratlovedrama / @galliardsmaniac / @villsophie / @mztoman Interested in joining the taglist please fill out the form below to get a notification of your favorite characters when they are being posted! Link here ->taglist

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[inactivewattpadauthor]

Raiden x Reader: Grieve Together

(Fun fact: mk vs dc was my first mk game. Guess I am a lil young)

Context: After not preventing Kung Lao's death/accidentally killing Liu Kang, Reader has been avoiding Raiden. He teleports to their memorial wall at a convenient time.

Warning: plain angst... still running out of shit to write🤧 ~~~~~~~~~~~~ The candles crackled as they functioned as the only light in the room beneath the portraits they're lit for. Two giant frames mounted on the wall to honor the ones who fought for this realm.

Also known as the two close friends you had and loved to the very end. Kung Lao and Liu Kang.

How unfortunate you are to lose both of them in such little time. And unexpected. While some call it coping, you knew who to blame all along. That fucking Thunder god.

The very first time you were in his presence, you felt so little and anxious. Always scared to mess up even on something little. No matter how times Liu and Lao, and Raiden himself reassured you. All that aura from a god is scary.

And now, you think you hate him. You think so little of him. And no one can ever say you didn't try to give him the benefit of the doubt.

When Kung Lao got his neck snapped, it didn't first occur in your mind to blame Raiden. With you and Liu Kang, he was ready to put down Shao Kahn for that.

And then soon, when you didn't go with them the same time Shao Kahn attempted to conquer Earthrealm, you find out by the developing actor, Cage, that they got into a fight... Raiden killed Liu Kang.

Seeing his body absolutely tore you just like when the shock settled after Kung Lao. Covered in all those third degree burns that not even Raiden could've healed up... That's when it all started.

Raiden tried to speak with you. You were forced to hear him out. It was an accident. He was only defending himself. You believed him. Yet, you were unbelievably angry.

There could've had to been another way to stop Liu. And with all the "future sights" Raiden gets, how does he not see when Shao Kahn kills Lao like that? Everything was off with Raiden. And at that, you told him you didn't want him near you ever again. Later, you left a notice at the academy that you were dropping out.

Now, you were back here again. Only to visit your friends. "I'm sorry I don't ever visit you guys. Know I still love and miss you so much." You dip your head before the two beloved portraits.

A flash inside the room startles you and you flinched slightly before peeking over your shoulder.

Raiden.

When you see him lift his head up and those glowing eyes spot you from beneath his hat, you instantly decide it's time to leave. Respect has been paid already.

Sighing in vexation, you got up, ready to make your exit, until-

"Hello, Y/n. I hope you find yourself well."

Eye twitching, you give him a sharp look. He still looks as guilty as a kitten that torn up curtains.

The man gestures a hand back to the floor where you were kneeling and praying at. "May I join you in tributing?"

You shook your head and pushed past the tall being. "Thought I told you to stay the hell away from me.

Raiden doesn't say anything right away but watches you go to the door before commenting. "You're not alone, Y/n."

Your hand rested on the knob. You had to think. "Yes, I am. Those two were the only ones I had." You looked at him with pained eyes. You would not elaborate with him any further on that. He wouldn't understand.

Turning from you, the god kneels on the ground before the tribute. "I suffer every second of how their fates came, if that makes you feel better. I wish you were around more. That way, we could suffer together and not alone."

He pauses and looks at the beloveds on the wall.

"You have every right to be disgusted with me. Angry with me. Or hate me, even. I understand. Because sometimes, I conflict with myself that way."

"I don't want to hate you." You admit. "But... You couldn't have done more? Are you sure you didn't see anything that could've prevented Kung Lao's death? Or restrain Liu?"

The lord looks at you quietly and shakes his head. "I promise, I had no visions that foretold Kung Lao's death. I would've stopped it without doubt. And for Liu Kang..."

You could've sworn you saw shame in his face as he turned back forward.

"I was scared."

That's something you don't think Raiden would ever say. But he's being truthful with you.

"I'm only a demigod. Part of me is still a man. And men can feel fear. I shouldn't have used my powers to stop him. I'm not asking for forgiveness, but please trust me when I say I did not mean to hurt him."

The doorknob turns back into its regular position as you let go of it. Inhaling and exhaling, you walk back to the tributes and sit next to Raiden.

"I believe you." You tell him. "I just... I'm just so angry. I was a sad person before they came in my life. I thought I won. Now, just like that, they're gone. I don't want to be alone again. Especially now that I'm grieving." You frowned and looked at the two.

"I don't hate you. I'm just extremely upset and ended up putting it all up on you. I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry." Raiden tells you. "And you don't need to be alone."

"I don't have anyone else."

"You have me."

You laughed ever so softly. "Right. You have priorities."

"I do." Raiden does not sugarcoat. "Earthrealm will always be my priority. But I won't leave you alone if thats what you need."

He rests a hand on your shoulder for reassurance. "Only if you're agreeable with it."

You knew you needed any supporting company. "Okay."

You didn't think too much on it but you were against his side as a strong, caring arm was wrapped around you as you both looked upon the deceased pair.

"We will grieve together for them." Raiden calmly mutters. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Rushed ending, sorry🤷🏿‍♀️

[miscling]

The Picnic

‘Where am I? Who are you?’

Your smirk refused to answer those questions. Your hungry eyes watched me flail, but your hand caught my ankle. It held me, stronger than I could pull away from. I froze for a moment, all the will in the world to scream but no breath in my lungs to let it out.

We sat on a picnic blanket, a basket open holding the remains of a twilight lunch. You reached across it, holding me still by my bare ankle. I wasn’t naked, but barefoot. Not collared, but my wrists in heavy metal shackles.

‘I am here to hunt, my prey,’ you said, savouring my terror. ‘I’m going to have my fill tonight. But please, make it interesting.’ You let go of my ankle. ‘Run.’

My instincts took over. The command to run gripped my heart and squeezed the blood through my body. I had to get away. I had to make this interesting.

We were in the woods. I left the picnic clearing and scrambled to my feet, dashing for the nearest large tree. When I reached it, I hid behind it for a moment, feeling a need to take one last glance backwards through the dark night. The clearing was empty. You were gone. The chase had begun.

I had so many questions. I had no memory of how I got here, no memory of a picnic. I was your prey to be chased, so I ran. I slipped through mud and scraped by trees. I hopped along rocky ground to avoid the pebbles between them.

I could feel you in the air but I couldn’t see you. I knew you were nearby. The undergrowth rustled with movement without wind. Your voice mocked my attempts to escape. It only made me want to try harder, but you were faster than me. My only hope was to be smarter, to conserve my stamina. Snaking through the trees I passed by a stream, so I followed it, up towards its source. I crossed over it, letting the cool water run across my aching feet. I crossed again to loosen the mud covering my soles. Before the stream widened too much, I crossed once again.

I couldn’t feel you any more. I reached the bank of a large pond, where mossy moonlight reflected off the water. Sediment made for a soft shoreline, and I felt a moment of peace. I had escaped you.

Of course I was wrong.

‘It is a lovely night,’ you said from beside me.

A scream would have escaped my lips if not for something I couldn’t predict. A twitch of arousal. I still ran, but your hand caught my wrist and threw me onto the bank, my arm splashing in the water as you pounced on me without hesitation, driving me to the ground. Your fangs poked through your smile, and I fought you with everything I had. You tore off my clothes. I pushed you away with my arm, catching my flesh on your teeth, drawing blood. With every flailing hit I attempted your strength surpassed me. I was nothing more than prey. When your fangs found my neck I kept hitting at you, even as you gently teased at my skin with your bite. The hand that found my arousal was violent and rough, pushing into me as I pulled away, turning my mind over between conflict and surrender.

Your pleasure came first, however. Even as I fought, you took what you needed from my body, your violent arousal dismissive of my own. Each nip of your fangs and each grip of your hands cared only for letting you please yourself with my body. You sank your fangs into my flesh as you came, and I felt it too. It shuddered through your body and with each movement it travelled through your fangs into mine, and I shook with your pleasure.

You drained me of my fight and discarded me by the pond, half submerged in the water. After a moment, you spoke. ‘You are mine.’

Memory sparked at the phrase. I am yours. I was always yours. This was always your plan. I remember the picnic and being asked if I was ready. I remember the conditioning to forget. I remember agreeing to be hunted. I remember the dissatisfying sensual sex that led you to admit your need. I would let you hunt me forever, whenever your need grew again.

The water around my limp body splashed as you waded in to pull me out. You picked me up. You took me home. Soon, when I've recovered, we’ll do this again…

~~~

Reblog if you enjoyed this story, and check out my others under the Miscling Writes tag!

[cryobabyy]

I’m ngl, I’m having a hard time getting down with the whole “s3 had no character development” take. I think theres a lot of conflation between the actual term character development and positive development. Characters can also develop negatively. In the case of s3, Carmen gets worse, Sydney’s conflict avoidance gets worse, Richie’s identity as a father is changing, Marcus is reckoning with his mother’s death, etc. I don’t think there’s a lack of character development, I think it was more so an issue with pacing. If the pace is off, it can literally feel like nothing is happening.

This season we saw a lot of internal conflict — a lot of shots sequences cut together to represent what’s going on in their heads, subtext heavy writing etc. I think the show also has a problem with substituting a solid plot with subtext. It’s lowkey exhausting to follow along with. For Carmy and Sydney — the two most avoidant characters on the show — their shared screen time felt a bit aimless because you have to constantly consider this intricate ass subtext and apply it to all of their interactions, and if you don’t the scene feels empty. The constant parallels, double-meanings, call backs, etc — it was all just… exhausting. And that’s coming from someone whose special interest is meta analysis lol.

I think you can apply this logic to the plots of all the seasons as well. S1-2 had subtext, but were fairly straight forward plot progression wise. The casual viewer could understand and enjoy the story easily, and the viewer that likes to engage with media on a deeper level can delve into the details.

But in s3, like 80% of the conflict is occurring internally with the main plot of the season being trying to keep The Bear afloat and to keep operating costs of the restaurant within reason, which doesn’t feel super important because the only person telling us it’s important is Cicero — and he’s quite literally just telling us, we never see how The Bear is taking a financial toll on him, he just pops in every once and a while to remind us that they’re in big financial trouble while Carmy keeps wasting food, Tina shops for ingredients that are outside of their budget, Sydney barely brings it up at all, and everyone generally keeps operating as if they aren’t in deep financial shit.

The first watch experience for me was pretty rough, and I frequently asked myself “What am I supposed to be paying attention to? Where am I supposed to look? What is actually supposed to be important? Why does it simultaneously feel like so much is happening subtextually but the plot is progressing at a snails pace?”.

The second watch of some of the episodes was much smoother, but only because I took the time to try and deconstruct exactly what I saw via feverish and unhinged meta analysis on tumblr dot com. I think this is a big reason why this season had less than stellar reviews. The average person does not want to do homework to enjoy a show.

My final consensus is that I don’t feel like it was a bad season. I could tell what the writers were trying to do, but a lot of it just didn’t land. What was supposed to be tense, introspective, and slow-storytelling came across as aimless directionless and confusing.

Here’s to hoping season 4 will be an improvement lol

Less serious shit that pissed me off

- over relying on the Faks for comedic relief

- Pete constantly being the butt of the joke for???? Being pleasant and sweet?

- the way less miserable characters are treated like caricatures

- NO EPISODE ABOUT FRONT OF HOUSE???

- NO EBRA CHARACTER PIECE????

- Sweeps lore being reduced to a filler scene, smdh

- mid build up and no pay off

[secretlythepits]

Teens Suck and So Do Husbands

My 16 year old and I got into it this morning and I don’t feel great about it.

Last night, I told him to take the garbage out. He refused. It’s full and he is going to be gone all day. We had had a talk about Dad being sick and him needing to just do things around the house without making me ask a million times.

This morning I woke up unable to breathe. Pertussis is no joke. Mostly we focus on my husband, and I have largely gotten better, but this was a scary and uncomfortable moment. I get up 15 minutes before we leave for school and 16 year old is scrolling on his phone over breakfast. The garbage is still not out.

His brother is sleeping. I hurry to wake him up. I bought an alarm clock a few weeks ago and 16 year old threw a fit and returned it. How dare I buy an alarm clock for their room! I was sick and my husband went along with it, so his brother not being awake is his responsibility. I wake him up and he has to hustle.

I snatch 16 year old’s phone and tell him he needs to take the garbage out, finish his breakfast, and get dressed. All hell breaks loose. He wants his phone back first. He is a Taurus and will argue forever. I have in my mind that I won’t give in or allow him to bait me into an argument. This is hard for me because I am a Scorpio and an arguer and my son does. not. stop.

I do things like go outside and he follows. At one point he does take out the trash (doesn’t put a new bag in) but then demands his phone. The clock is ticking. Eat your breakfast. Get dressed. We are leaving at the correct time with or without you. For the last week he makes us wait an extra 5 minutes. It’s annoying to me. They get there early, but there is breakfast and for traffic and my own time concerns, I want to leave at the designated time. But what can I do if he’s not in the car?

Today I make it very clear: I will leave without you. He makes no move to get ready. I take brother to school.

When I get home, he is wearing his uniform, demanding his phone and a ride. I tell him no, that he needs to get himself to school and the phone is not happening. He will not listen. He is fixated. He hurls insults.

I go to my writing cottage to escape. He keeps grabbing the door. Eventually, he forces it and hurts my hand. Says he hope it hurts. I lock the door.

A minute later I hear banging on the door. It is my husband telling me our son needs his phone. I say no. He angrily drives son to school. We haven’t spoken. He went back to bed. I told son he will walk home. It is going to be awful tonight.

My husband doesn’t back up my parenting. He has always left all of it to me, but occasionally will jump in angry and he also undercuts me because he is conflict-avoidant at all costs. To me, if a coparent has issued a punishment, I feel obligated to back them up as the default. If I disagree, that will be a private conversation. That’s what I think good parenting involves. But my husband never does this. He just wants anger to stop and sees me as the obstacle to that before ever evaluating the situation. Also, I buck at the idea that he gets to come in and judge the situation. He is not my manager.

If the roles were reversed, I would have told my son to start walking to school or at least been very angry with him. I would have said, I’m sure your dad took your phone for a good reason.

I am exceedingly resentful that I have this problem because it will be conflict with both my husband and my son later in the day.

I know my son is stubborn. It’s his nature and it always will be. What I don’t understand is why he doesn’t have a switch that clicks on when he has gone too far. That’s why I held my ground. Mom taking the phone should be a wake up call, but he sees it as a violation of his sovereignty and wants to fight to the death rather than do the simple steps to getting it back: take out the garbage, eat, get dressed. He is bigger than me. I have very little leverage. I try to get his cooperation, but he is exceedingly self-centered these days.

This is the point where I am usually interrupted and someone says how traumatic it must be for him to have a dad with cancer. Here’s the truth: I know my son very well. Nobody knows him better than me. He is not thinking about his dad much at all. Right now, it is all about him and his budding life. He sees his dad’s cancer as an inconvenience to him and he resents it. He has said awful things and bailed when we needed help— and very little help has been needed. I know that he sometimes thinks about it, but his mind is mostly consumed with his social life. I know him and I know this is true.

My husband and I had a fight yesterday.

I had driven the boys to school, gone on a walk, arranged for the refrigerator repair, done an hour of yard work the boys had failed to do, got my younger son from school (with 2 random, complicated traffic jams), spoken to the repair guy, come in and started to make my husband breakfast. The refrigerator is in the garage and the counters were full of jars that didn’t fit into the second one, so every little thing was 4 extra steps. Then nobody replaced the butter, my son had used the last of the coffee, so it was extra trips to the garage and extra steps to take. My phone’s alarm went off. It was a snooze from the alert to pick my son up from school. My husband informs me that my phone is ringing, like I couldn’t hear it. It’s 10 am. I have not eaten anything myself. I snap that my hands are full and I’m a little busy.

All hell breaks lose. F-u and he actually calls me a b-witch. I know that this is because he wants me to be sweet and not show any signs that this is a burden. He wants service with a smile, but I don’t always have a smile. I am overwhelmed and emotionally expressive. It feels grossly unfair to me to be criticized for not concealing this, especially in light of the lack of gratitude ever expressed towards me. It’s funny, when I am caregiving I never think, he should be grateful. But when I am criticized, I instantly flash to the fact that I’ve done so much and never get a thank you, let alone praise. We also have the history of him watching me flail for 3 1/2 years with a brain infection while he did nothing for me. So service with a smile at all times is a hard no from me.

In other moments I flash to how hard this is for him. He has so much to learn and process that I already did. Helplessness. Having to sit quietly while people do things their way, when you are used to it being done your way. Having bits of your life just taken from you by disease. Mortality knocking. Disappointment in your beloveds. Loneliness in the face of something so daunting. The absolute limit of your strength.

That is hard. The consequence of an easy life is having to learn all that in one fell swoop. I have compassion for that.

But what about me?

Don’t I deserve better?