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darkmermaidao3 · 10 months

Text

Clarity Chapter Three (Bonten Sanzu)

Minors do not interact (18+ fic)

Warnings: Assault, Mentions of Drugs, Blood, Light Sexual References, Profanity.

Paragraphs in italics are flashbacks, the text color will be pink for these!

Yuki was unsure what to even think as she collapsed back against the wall, sliding her way down to the floor, her head bowing as she inhaled a slow breath, white obscuring her face. The last several hours were running through her head at top speed and coming down from the adrenaline that had kept her going this long wasn’t going to be slow nor steady, she could already feel the impending crash. Even with her mind going a million miles a minute, her brain felt like a pile of goo, and she’d never wanted sleep more than she did right now; Midori would’ve been thrilled to hear that she’d manage eight hours for the first time in weeks.

‘I…I did it.’

She didn’t know how she’d managed if she was being transparent, she’d been entirely on her own without any staff to support her, no other doctors and no nurses. She’d done everything herself and she truly wished she knew how she’d pulled it off without a hitch, she’d done the IV, the fluids, oxygen since he wouldn’t be breathing on his own during the procedure, anesthesia for sedation and numbing, the blood transfusion, monitored all his vitals on her own, dug eight bullets out of him (multiple fragments that had broken apart), and stitched him up. Hours of delicate work, she’d had to scramble to find everything that she would need as fast as she could move and although the location wasn’t ideal, she hadn’t been able to be choosy in the moment considering he’d been on death’s door. The clinic wasn’t nearly as sterile as she would’ve preferred for something of this nature, she’d have to keep an eye on all the incisions to make sure they healed properly and didn’t get infected, her patient would be her main priority.

The only reason that she’d even had all the equipment she needed was out of being paranoid of not being prepared for a worst-case scenario; those worries had been what saved this man’s life. She’d had quite literally everything she needed tucked away in one of the exam rooms she’d fashioned as a makeshift hospital room. The idea had come to her after she’d done her internship with that lovely older couple, listening to their stories concerning their accomplishments and failures, the moments they wished they could do over. Each story that didn’t have a happy ending always had the same type of theme, they hadn’t had a piece of equipment that was necessary, the ambulance hadn’t arrived quickly enough, they hadn’t had a medication that would’ve turned things around, etcetera; it all came down to them not having access to what would’ve been helpful to them in the moment. Being prepared for the worst-case scenario, it was paranoia in a sense but her mind being at ease had most certainly been worth the headache of remodeling a room, investing in everything available in a hospital to monitor vitals and the like; she’d covered all her bases and doing so had ensured that she could handle any situation that was thrown at her, including this one.

‘He’s stable.’

She could breathe knowing that he wasn’t at risk, and she could take a well-deserved nap, he wouldn’t be waking up any time soon with how heavily sedated he was so she wouldn’t have to worry about him trying to run off and ruin all her hard work. He would recover, none of his organs had been hit and some of the shots he’d taken had gone through clean, he’d been lucky that blood loss was all he’d gotten after being shot so many times, it was a miracle all those bullets missed his organs and main arteries; she didn’t know how one person could’ve survived everything that he had and still been determined not to ask for help. The woman had been so close to calling any one of her colleagues after he’d first passed out to get assistance with the procedure, but she hadn’t had the time to spare, especially when she had to go about the task of trying to move him from the floor. She’d had a time doing so on her own with how little strength she possessed, and he was much heavier than he looked, almost double her weight in solid muscle, he looked to be around eight or nine inches taller than her; she silently thanked whoever was smart enough to add wheels onto chairs, otherwise she never would’ve made progress.

Procedures and surgeries weren’t something she felt super confident doing, so she’d been an anxious mess on the inside while she went about the nerve-wrecking process of saving his life, she felt like she’d held it together quite well taking into account that she’d had zero time to prepare for it. She may have been a doctor, but she prayed that she’d never wind up in a situation where she’d have to perform surgery on the fly like this again, she could handle a lot but what she’d had to do tonight had been toeing the line. She hadn’t had a second set of eyes or another mind on her side, she’d had to figure out everything on her own and if she’d screwed up even the smallest thing then he could’ve died. Yuki didn’t even want to think about how uncomfortable explaining a situation like that to the authorities would’ve been, explaining that a man broke into her clinic already shot up and bloodied, she’d tried to save his life even though he’d tried to take hers, only for the both of them to fail. Something like that could’ve caused her to lose her medical license depending on who heard the story, and she already knew she would’ve been berated by the medical community, especially when an autopsy showed that it was solely blood loss. She didn’t have to think that way though, she’d saved him and that was what mattered.

As tired as she was from how long she’d been engrossed in the procedure, she couldn’t sleep just yet even though the couch in her office was calling to her and she certainly wouldn’t feel comfortable if she wasn’t within earshot of the heart rate monitor; she needed to hear those continuous beeps, or she’d lose her mind. Her next priority was figuring out her next move, she was unsure what she was supposed to do now that he was stable, when emergency surgeries like this had to be performed in the way she’d been forced to do, the family was always notified as soon as it was feasible. The phone she’d found in his pocket was done for and smashed to bits, obviously having taken a bullet so she couldn’t use it to try to find out if he had family or anyone that she could contact for him. He hadn’t had anything else on him aside from that gun, no wallet, no car keys, nothing she could use to identify him and the only thing she’d had to go on was that he was a businessman of some type.

As ruined and unusable as his attire was now, it’d once been upscale, designer clothing so he obviously had money and was probably someone of importance; that didn’t help her though, the woman didn’t know how she was going to figure out who he was. She’d been racking her brain for anything that could be helpful towards that, but she continued coming up emptyhanded, his phone was destroyed and without an ID or driver’s license to look at, she was stuck. She didn’t have any other way to identify him and although he certainly could’ve been a businessman or part of the upper class, she knew for an undeniable fact that she’d never seen him until he’d shown up unannounced in her clinic. The only thing that she could think to do was keep an eye on the papers, if he was someone of importance like she thought then it would be front page news that he’d gone missing and it would spread online like wildfire, keeping an eye on the news would be helpful to her as well; she couldn’t remember the last time she’d turned on a television or watched a video that wasn’t medical related.

Aside from that, Yuki felt entirely stuck on if she should call the police. Bluntly speaking, she didn’t see what good it would do, it wouldn’t accomplish anything and the whole ordeal was over with. He hadn’t forced his way in, the door had been unlocked and since it was a clinic, it was open to the public so that couldn’t be seen as breaking and entering. He may have held her at gunpoint and attempted to shoot her, but what did that matter since there hadn’t been any bullets in the gun; she couldn’t even prove it, the cameras were outdated and didn’t work. Furthermore, he hadn’t threatened her, not really, he hadn’t said a word to her other than the two letters that told her his blood type. He hadn’t made advances on her, he hadn’t touched her, was calling the police really worth the headache that would surely follow doing so, especially when it may not accomplish anything? As crazy as it probably was, she didn’t see the point in it and the only thing she wanted was to make sure that he recovered; she was sure that Gran would be rolling in her grave over this.

As sure as she was that her grandmother would be scolding her to high heaven, she was going to go with her gut and her gut was telling her that calling the authorities was unnecessary. As a doctor, her patient needed to be her priority, all lives mattered in her eyes, regardless of who the person was or what kind of life they lived. Law enforcement would only impede on his recovery, he wouldn’t get the care he needed if they decided to arrest him, so it seemed she’d decided what she was going to do. She’d give him the best care she could, she’d keep an eye on how he was healing, she’d be able to manage his pain, there wasn’t a doubt in her mind that he’d be in a fair bit when he finally did wake up once the sedatives wore off. Once he had, she could urge him to tell her what she needed to know to get in contact with his family, she was sure they must’ve been worried about him since he didn’t make it home.

‘What could’ve put him in that position?’

The woman was at a total loss on what he could’ve been doing to end up on the receiving end of so many bullets, someone had been trying their hardest to take his life and had been determined to do so no matter how many times they had to fire shots. It was a miracle that he hadn’t taken fatal shots, it was mindboggling that he’d managed to escape from that situation without passing out from blood loss, and what was even more astounding was how stubborn he’d been to keep his mouth shut. He hadn’t planned on telling her anything, she couldn’t be sure what changed his mind except perhaps it sunk in for him just how close he’d been to death’s door, it was the only thing that made sense to her considering that stare of his had been the furthest thing from friendly. She could understand where his wariness must’ve come from, especially during that moment considering he’d just barely seemed to have escaped from whoever was trying to kill him and coming face to face with another person during a fight or flight state had surely thrown him off; she’d just have to be patient with him, he wouldn’t trust her right off the bat and she couldn’t expect him to.

Yuki let out a slow breath, making her way up from the floor and turning her head in the direction of her patient. He was out and would be until either late in the evening or the following day, his body had been through a huge ordeal and paired with the sedatives, there wasn’t a chance he’d regain consciousness anytime soon. Even if he did wake up, it wouldn’t be for long, nor would he be aware enough to process anything going on around him with how floaty his head would surely be; she’d made sure to use something on the stronger side since she hadn’t had any guesses to how long the procedure would take her. It’d taken hours, much longer than she’d originally anticipated because she’d been on her own without a team to support her and the first thing that she’d had to do was the blood transfusion before she lost him. As anxious as she’d felt, she’d pushed all of that to the side and remained levelheaded through the whole process, holding her composure had been vital to success; she’d done it too and now, all he had to do was rest and heal.

She slowly made her way closer to the hospital bed, her lavender eyes taking in the readings on the monitor for a brief moment before flicking to the nameless patient, studying him deeply. She’d never seen a man so…

‘Get it together.’

…pretty.

‘Gosh, what’s wrong with me?’

She was positive her friends would’ve had a heyday teasing her over thinking along those lines, Kaori would’ve defended her against Choyo’s playful jabs about needing to lose her v-card and Akari would’ve definitely backed Choyo up as she always did, attempt to urge her go on a date with any one of the guys she could set her up with. It wasn’t like she’d even know what to do to begin with if she did go on a date, not to mention she’d seen her friends go through heartbreaks and it didn’t seem worth it to her. She was married to her work, her studies had always been her focus during her time at university, dating was the last thing she was worried about, and it wasn’t like she’d even have time to maintain something with another person since she was always busy; she didn’t see being a virgin as a big deal…kinda.

‘Ugh, stop it.’

Getting back on topic, there was nothing wrong with admiring something/someone and pretty was an understatement when it came to this stranger. Long rosy-pink hair that fell well below his shoulders, thick lashes that would make any number of women envious, piercing aquamarine eyes, she’d never seen someone so beautiful, nor would she ever see it again once he left her clinic; she could’ve gotten lost simply staring at him. Her pulse was certainly above normal, her heart pounding just hard enough that she questioned why it was happening, she’d admired men plenty of times before now and never had a reaction like this whilst doing so. Her head cocked to the side at the thought, her lavender pools flicking here and there, counting four piercings on each ear, black hoops. Out of everything about him, the biggest curiosity had to of been the black ink on his right forearm that she’d noticed, a Hanafuda full moon card. All in all, he was stunning to look at, so much so that she didn’t even realize her hand rising of its own accord, making to brush strands of pink off to the side, warmth building on her cheeks.

“So pretty.”

Her fingers paused hardly an inch away from his cheek and she took a step back, vigorously shaking her head from side to side with hopes to screw her head on straight, he was her PATIENT; she needed to get her act together because she undoubtedly wasn’t acting anything like herself.

‘Professionalism, maintain professionalism.’

It shouldn’t have been something she needed to remind herself of to begin with, she’d never had to do so before now and she’d seen plenty of attractive men long before this day; it was the lack of sleep getting to her, no question about it. This may not have been how she’d planned to spend her weekend, but it didn’t matter now, a wrench had gotten thrown in her plans. It wasn’t too bothersome and wouldn’t disrupt her routine terribly, she practically lived at the clinic already, she had everything that she needed to get by for a few days and it would give her the chance to get caught up with all the things she’d had to neglect since her secretary was forever trying to rush her out the door. Her patient would be her main focus and she’d still have plenty of time to work on her research, right after she got some much-needed sleep.

‘Blood pressure’s 122 over 73.’

Normal.

‘Pulse is going at 79.’

Normal.

‘Oxygen’s 98.’

Normal.

‘Temperature 98.4.’

Normal.

‘…coffee.’

Needed.

“Definitely buying an expresso machine after this.” The white-headed woman muttered, her voice filled with exhaustion; she pinched the bridge of her nose, willing the impending headache to go away before it got started but she doubted she’d have much luck.

At the very least, her patient was doing well and although he hadn’t woken up once yet, she wasn’t too worried, his body had been through something traumatic, it would take time for him to get there. Logically speaking, she knew that was the truth of things but convincing her emotions of that was another story entirely, as many times as she’d told herself that she didn’t need to hover, she hadn’t been capable of stopping herself. She wasn’t able to sleep unless she could hear the beeping of the machine, keeping doors open so it would carry down the hall hadn’t been enough to ease her worries even though her office wasn’t far at all from her over-the-top hospital room. As ridiculous as it was, she’d wound up dragging the bed down the hall to her office along with the heart rate monitor, it’d taken much longer than she’d initially anticipated but at the very least, there were wheels on both. It’d been the only way she’d managed to fall asleep and once she did, she was out like a light.

She’d slept for nine hours for the first time in months and waking up had been no easy task when she’d come to, her head had been so groggy that she’d struggled to keep herself conscious, drifting in and out of sleep for another hour before finally fully waking up; the couch in her office had never been so comfortable until then. As she’d expected, the nameless man was still unconscious and hadn’t so much as moved an inch from the time that she laid down until she woke up, still right where she left him a little ways from the couch. The white-headed woman had laid there a while longer, her gaze zeroed in on her patient and watching him sleep, her gaze dragging to the monitor every few minutes, continuing to keep an eye on his vitals up until she knew that she had to get up before she lost the battle against her bladder. A quick trip to the restroom, a stop in the breakroom along the way back to start a pot of coffee, going back to the lobby to the clean up the mess she’d made when she’d dropped that coffee mug, cleaning up the floor of the stranger’s blood and retrieving the handgun. As much as she didn’t like them, it looked expensive and she couldn’t just throw away someone else’s property, she’d placed it on her desk after returning to her office with two cups of coffee so she wouldn’t have to make another trip for a while.

Since then, she’d tried to keep herself as occupied as possible outside of checking his vitals and threw herself into her work as though it were any other normal day, it would have been if she could stop herself from looking away from her work to stare at him literally every five minutes. She’d finished replying to those emails, checked up on the progress of all those lab orders she’d put in (completely forgetting it was the weekend so none of them were done), worked on her thesis, looked over all the files for her new patients she’d received through referrals, put together a list of the medicines she planned on donating to the orphanage during her monthly visit, made two pots of coffee, cleaned out her desk, reorganized her filing cabinets, did some research and went back to working on her thesis, not to mention she’d checked his vitals once every hour; it was the furthest thing from a normal day and she was losing her mind, she had to of been. There was no reason she should be hovering this way; it wasn’t going to make him wake up any faster and she should’ve already been preparing herself to expect the worst, she couldn’t be naïve. Regardless of saving his life, she needed to keep in mind that he’d tried to take hers and although it merely could’ve been because he was in survival mode in the moment, she needed to keep her guard up until she knew he wasn’t going to try to harm her.

‘Get it together.’

Her thoughts were scrambled, contradicting, there wasn’t a chance he’d be able to do much of anything when he first woke up and by the time he could after the sedatives were completely out of his system, she’d have already proven she didn’t mean him any harm and could be trusted. She could call his family, let them know he was alright and being treated, she’d get him to a point where it was safe for him to go home once he wasn’t at risk for infection and the like, she even wouldn’t care to give him some pain killers to take with him since he’d certainly be in pain for a while. That was something else she could work on for the time being, find what he’d need to take him with him once he got to that solid place, she’d make that pot of coffee and get started on it. The young doctor nodded to herself absentmindedly, placing her stethoscope off to the side and made her way to the door, moving a hand through her white locks, shoving strands out of her eyes. She’d never been so tired as she was and it had to of been a combination of how she’d been go-go-go for the last several weeks, plus the high stress situation she’d been forced to handle, maybe she did need a vacation after this.

A quiet grumble came from her, staring at the brewer with impatience while it took forever to brew, she finally understood why her staff were always dragging in the morning during the last three months, this was ridiculous. If someone would’ve told her sooner, she would’ve already invested in something else and instead, she’d had to find out the hard way, Midori always brought her coffee to her, so she’d never known just how long the wait for it was. If she ordered one online today then it could be here no later than Tuesday since her account had two-day shipping, the clinic would still be closed for the holiday but when everyone came back on Wednesday…

‘…uh oh.’

“Uh oh” undoubtedly wasn’t even close to being able to express just how big of a problem she was about to have, her staff would be returning for work on Wednesday which wasn’t going to give her secret patient nearly enough time to heal up, she very well couldn’t explain anything about what had happened or she was positive her employees would lose their minds; she could already imagine Midori would be the first to make an attempt to call the police. Again, she didn’t want that for neither the man nor her, so she absolutely had to make sure that no one found out about him, she just didn’t know how she was going to pull it off. Her secretary constantly had to pop in and out of her office for any number of reasons, dropping off paperwork, delivering messages, letting her know someone had called and was on hold, there was no way she could hold her off for days. Not to mention, she had patients that she’d have to see every day for any number of hours, she wouldn’t be able to give the one in her office her full attention and if something happened to him during the time that she was away from him then she’d never be able to forgive herself.

The woman racked her brain for ideas on what she could do that would keep this secret from being exposed, the brewing pot of coffee completely forgotten while she strode out of the room to go back to her office. She had to pace, it was the only way she’d manage to gather her thoughts enough to figure out what she should do and just like with her work, she was particular about it, she had a route that she walked every time; she had to keep routine, or it’d just be a waste of her energy, she wouldn’t come up with squat if not.

‘Why me?’

Up until now, her life had been so easy, and nothing had ever thrown her off, every day was the same as all the others since she’d graduated university, she’d enjoyed things being that way. It was a comfort that she hadn’t known since her grandmother had passed, she’d been forced into navigating life herself without guidance, trying to formulate her own routine and it’d taken much too long to get there. Then, all of a sudden, this man just shows up in her clinic on his deathbed and everything was disrupted, she hadn’t been able to focus hardly at all on anything she usually could; she shook her head violently from side to side. She was being dramatic, everything was just a mess right now because that was how life worked, she couldn’t always be prepared for the unexpected and it was just something that she had to learn to accept, regardless of if she wanted to or not. Things may have been disastrous right now when it concerned her day-to-day life, but it wouldn’t stay that way, just until he was able to be on his way once he was healed enough, everything would go back to normal after that. Well, as normal as it could be since she’d have to deal with Shimizu for that case, as great of a cause as it was for, she still wished she hadn’t felt the need to agree.

‘He’s still the same insufferable moron.’

Yuki pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration, between thoughts of Shimizu ticking her off and her worries about her patient, she didn’t know how she was going to figure anything out without fighting against the urge to bang her head off her desk; what a nightmare. She stepped back into her office, fully preparing herself to pace the floors of the clinic for at least thirty minutes while she turned everything over in her head, pausing mid-step at the sound coming from the heart rate monitor, the pause between the beeping was shorter which meant-

‘Resting heartrate changed.’

Her head shot up no sooner did it register, her lavender pools locking onto her patient that had very clearly woken up during the time that she’d been away and felt her own heart skip a beat, aquamarine staring back at her. As unfocused as his eyes were from the aftereffects of the sedatives having not worn completely off, he’d still managed to not only find her gaze but was making attempts to get up when he wasn’t in any state to do so. She rushed to his side without missing a beat, her hands rising to pause his movements, her face expressing concern.

“You can’t yet.” She began, her voice filled with unease; he’d pop the stitches if he was careless, he needed to rest and let his body heal, the palms of her hands met his shoulders lightly. “It’s too soon for you to-”

Her words trailed off and a gasp barely passed through her lips before his hand encircled her throat, her eyes blown wide over how much coordination he still had even being impaired from the sedatives, the other hand snatching her wrist before she could even attempt to back off. A wheezing breath left her at the squeeze around her throat, he was pressing right against her carotid artery with intent to make her pass out, he hadn’t hesitated whatsoever and found it with total ease; he knew what he was doing. A strangled noise left her, her free hand tapping against his shoulder weakly, the dark spots appearing in her vision were less than welcoming and her legs were threatening to give way under her. She had to get something out before she fainted, he was going to injure himself if she wasn’t around to stop him, his brain must’ve still been in fight or flight to some degree.

“I…I’m…a…doctor.” She breathed, forcing the words out as loudly as she could; the woman wasn’t sure if that would do anything to help her, the twitch of his fingers around her throat wasn’t a good sign and she was anticipating he’d even go as far to snap her neck since he obviously considered her a threat. “Please…l-let…me…help…y-you.”

His piercing eyes were still zeroed in on her doe ones, even as he was strangling her to the point where her vision had almost completely tunneled, she wasn’t going to hold out much longer, her knees were going weak, and she couldn’t get a decent breath in. No sooner did she believe it was the end of her, the pressure around her throat eased up, blood flow returning to her brain, and she sputtered for air, swallowing choked breathes while her vision worked towards stabilizing.

‘Shit…shit.’

That had been much too close of a call, she’d been right on the verge of collapsing and she didn’t want to consider how much damage he would’ve caused himself without her deterring him, he could’ve bled out all over again if he popped those stitches. Her head lolled up just enough that she found his stare zeroed in on her, that same mistrustful expression as before written on his face, he hadn’t released her throat nor her wrist, so she knew she had to be cautious with her next words. She managed a silent breath, trying to calm her heart down long enough to gather her thoughts, having a good bedside manner was important to building trust with patients and the first part of that was always an introduction of some kind.

“I’m Doctor Ikeda Yuki.” She spoke, keeping her tone as even as possible; his fingers twitched against her throat again, the grip on her wrist barely tightening and from the way his eyes were still dilated, his cognitive function wasn’t where it needed to be for him to put the pieces together on why he was there.

‘Fuck, he’s still too impaired to remember what happened.’

“Y-you were sh-shot, twelve times.” She followed up quickly, her voice swapping to anxious; he didn’t even flinch over the news, and she would’ve been confused why that wouldn’t have any effect on him if he hadn’t been on another planet right now. “I-I did a blood transfusion be-before you could bleed o-out.”

Her heart was pounding harder than it ever had while she stared back at him, waiting for a response of some kind and she could’ve breathed a sigh of relief when his fingers loosened around her wrist; she just had to assure him that she didn’t mean him any harm and he was giving her the opportunity to do so without speaking a word. He’d relaxed somewhat, not completely but it was still a good sign that she could make some form of progress with him, it wouldn’t be possible if she couldn’t mirror that. With a slow breath, the tension in her body melted away, her arm going limp in his hold, the other stilling at his shoulder as she cautiously moved to sit on the edge of the bed next to him, leaving enough space between them that he wouldn’t feel smothered. His aquamarine pools were entirely focused on her, his pupils just as dilated as she’d known they would be with how strong of a drug she’d had to use but even with that, he was entirely stone-faced, his level of composure was almost scary.

“I had to remove bullet fragments, you’ll heal but you can’t be moving around just yet or you could tear the stiches.” She explained honestly, her tone gentle; the woman had been right, he’d just needed reassurance and some time to process everything around him, the grip around her throat loosening proved as much. “I couldn’t get you to a hospital, but I don’t care to…”

Yuki could’ve bit her tongue off when she noticed just how dark his eyes had gotten, the mentioning of a hospital had done so which meant that he absolutely did not want to be in one, she had to recover before he decided to strangle her to death.

“…take care of you here.” She finished, somehow managing to keep herself from stumbling over her words; she seemed to have dodged a bullet once again, the palm of his hand not pressing fully against her throat any longer but still making no movement to release his hold on her. “I have everything I need here to look after you…is that alright with you?”

The young doctor didn’t know why she’d even bothered asking, he wasn’t planning on saying a single word to her, impaired or not, and he didn’t give her so much as a nod or a shake of his head as an answer. She just had to be patient with him, she’d bombarded him with quite a bit of information all in a span of three minutes so it would take him a while to process, especially since his cognitive function wasn’t where it needed to be just yet. The sedatives were in the process of wearing off, there was little chance that he was still numb after how long had passed since she’d finished patching him up but if he was in pain, he wasn’t making it easy for her to figure out, his expression entirely impassive.

“I um…need to check your vitals again…since you’re awake.” She spoke, her voice slightly skeptical; he didn’t even blink in response to her words, his stare burning holes straight through her. “W-when we’re done…I-I can give you-you something, for the pain.”

Relief completely washed over her when his hand slipped away from her throat, the pads of his fingers brushing along the sensitive skin lightly and his piercing eyes dropped their staring contest to look her over, raking from the top of her head all the way down to her feet. She could almost feel the pink streaking across her cheeks in her silent embarrassment of being studied so intensely, and she resisted the urge to squeeze her thighs together, ignoring the growing warmth between them as best she could; she needed to get a handle on herself, he was her PATIENT. There was absolutely zero reason for this, and she had to maintain professionalism, she was a doctor right now, that’s where her head needed to be. Regardless of telling herself that, her heart was going haywire the longer his eyes were focused on her, her face burning hotter when his aquamarine orbs found her lavender ones again.

‘Breathe, you have to breathe.’

“Vitals first.” She repeated softly, her voice barely above a whisper. “I can give you morphine after.”

His fingers released her wrist immediately at the mention of the opiate and that was enough to tell her that he was indisputably in a significant amount of pain to go from being ready to strangle her to trusting her enough to give him a high-class drug like that, he wasn’t going to be able to do much of anything once that was going strong. At least now, she didn’t have to worry about the possibility of him not waking up since he’d done so of his own accord, the only thing she had to do was keep earning his trust and get him to a place where he was healed enough that he’d be able to manage on his own after he left. She was in store for several long hours, but it wasn’t like she wasn’t used to it, she may have been exhausted but that coffee she’d started had to of been done…hopefully.

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destinylegendrpg · 2 years

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hey!! im curious, how have you guys built around 3.0 subclasses? 👀 i wanted to know so i could have an easier time DMing my own campaign!

Great question! So, this might be a lengthy answer, but hopefully it helps with what you're looking for ~

@frombrad2worse and I began building the D:BL system after Void 3.0 came out, but way, way before Solar and Arc 3.0 released. Much like with Stasis, we both loved how modular it was, how easily you could set it up to a playstyle you preferred. Both of us have played in a lot of TTRPG campaigns and we really like systems that allow for build-crafting - even if you play the same class as someone else, the flavour and feel you put into it can end up with seemingly disparate character mechanics. So when we began thinking about how we wanted to make a TTRPG, we knew immediately that we wanted to craft a system that allowed for this, and what better way to achieve this than by mimicking Light 3.0 in a TTRPG style?

Unfortunately, we don't currently have the system set up in a way that we can share the Vanguard (GM) rules just yet - it's not that we don't want others to try it out, just that we haven't had the time to type everything up yet, lol. BUT. Let me give you the low-down on how it works for characters... and if you don't wanna read all this mumbo-jumbo, skip to the last paragraph! 👀

When creating a character, you start with, of course, the basics: your race and class. In our system, race is just flavour - there's no mechanical benefit to choosing any one race over another. But just like in the video game, your class locks you into being either a Hunter, a Warlock, or a Titan. Once you're in, you're in, and you move onto assigning your stats.

When beginning a new character, you have 24 points to put into 6 stats: Mobility, Resilience, Recovery, Discipline, Intellect, and Strength, all of which probably sound eerily familiar, eh? And I'm sure you can imagine the benefit to putting points into each of them. So what's the catch, right? Where does Light 3.0 come in and what does this have to do with build-crafting?

Well, that's look at those stats a second. How well do all of these translate to a TTRPG? The first three stats make sense: Mobility lets you run around the battlefield, Resilience boosts your shields, Recovery lets you heal yourself with the Light faster. All three are obvious gameplay modifiers. But what about Discipline, Intellect, and Strength? Sure, they have their own benefit just like in the game: a higher Discipline leads to a faster grenade, but when you're using a d6 system where a roll of 4d6 determines the actions on your turn, there's only so high and so low you can go. If a grenade costs a roll of X on those 4d6 to use on a turn, you can only move that X so much before it becomes either too difficult to use at low levels or unfathomably easy at high levels. So what do you use to help balance those stats while keeping them rewarding to put points into?

This is where Light 3.0 comes in. Each of the bottom 3 stats gives you an edge in build-crafting. In our system, putting more points in Discipline and Strength don't just give you a boost to getting a faster grenade or charge melee, they also give you Fragment slots, up to 2 per stat for a total of 4. Your Intellect doesn't just let you a faster Super either, it allows you to take up to 2 Aspects.

And now... now the fun begins. >:)

You see, just like in the video game, each subclass has an entire sheet dedicated to unique Aspects and Fragments that you can pick and choose from to create the unique playstyle you want. These can also be changed at (almost) any time so you can have fun in the way you want without being locked into past decisions that no longer feel good. It's built to be flexible and modular so players can let loose and play around to find out what works (and doesn't work) for them!

Void 3.0 is almost directly translated: taking the Bastion Aspect as a Void Titan stilllets you and allies gain an Overshield when summoning your Barricade, just like it does in the video game. Taking the Echo of Undermining Fragment still lets you weaken enemies with your grenade for 1.5x damage. But some Aspects and Fragments don't have a direct TTRPG translation, meaning we had to play around and figure out what felt good before we moved on.

Arc and Solar 3.0, however... well, we had mostly finished the system and were already tweaking the numbers by playing 1:1s with each other before they were released by Bungie. So our Aspects and Fragments are a bit different there - they even have different names. While Bungie's are Spark of and Ember of for Arc and Solar, ours are Call of and Song of, respectively, because we thought they sounded cool. Weirdly, some of them ended up very similar but with slightly different vocabulary (for example, we originally had a mechanic called electrified which Bungie named jolted; the vocab has been changed to match Bungie's for consistency, though our Aspect and Fragment ideas remain our own). We're still tweaking them to make sure they match up to how powerful Void can be, but we think they're pretty fun. In fact, I currently play a Solar Titan and have a great time with it. You can see me in action, along with my Arc and Solar Warlock companions, in our stream! Here's a link to our fireteam's first episode so you can listen along and get a general feel for how the system plays.

SO!

With all that said... well, I know I mentioned that the Vanguard rulebook isn't set up yet for wide release, but if you'd like, feel free to DM me here or @cassiefisherdrake. I will HAPPILY send you the character + combat sheets and walk you through them to help you set up a character. We want people to test this system out so we can work out what needs fixing, so the more the merrier! Hell, I'd happily Vanguard a one-shot for you so you can see what it's like if you're interested. :>

#answered questions #destiny #destiny 2 #destiny the game

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perpetual-stories · 3 years

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Story Structures for your Next WIP

hello, hello. this post will be mostly for my notes. this is something I need in to be reminded of for my business, but it can also be very useful and beneficial for you guys as well.

everything in life has structure and storytelling is no different, so let’s dive right in :)

First off let’s just review what a story structure is :

a story is the backbone of the story, the skeleton if you will. It hold the entire story together.

the structure in which you choose your story will effectively determine how you create drama and depending on the structure you choose it should help you align your story and sequence it with the conflict, climax, and resolution.

1. Freytag's Pyramid

this first story structure i will be talking about was named after 19th century German novelist and playwright.

it is a five point structure that is based off classical Greek tragedies such as Sophocles, Aeschylus and Euripedes.

Freytag's Pyramid structure consists of:

Introduction: the status quo has been established and an inciting incident occurs.

Rise or rising action: the protagonist will search and try to achieve their goal, heightening the stakes,

Climax: the protagonist can no longer go back, the point of no return if you will.

Return or fall: after the climax of the story, tension builds and the story inevitably heads towards...

Catastrophe: the main character has reached their lowest point and their greatest fears have come into fruition.

this structure is used less and less nowadays in modern storytelling mainly due to readers lack of appetite for tragic narratives.

2. The Hero's Journey

the hero's journey is a very well known and popular form of storytelling.

it is very popular in modern stories such as Star Wars, and movies in the MCU.

although the hero's journey was inspired by Joseph Campbell's concept, a Disney executive Christopher Vogler has created a simplified version:

The Ordinary World: The hero's everyday routine and life is established.

The Call of Adventure: the inciting incident.

Refusal of the Call: the hero / protagonist is hesitant or reluctant to take on the challenges.

Meeting the Mentor: the hero meets someone who will help them and prepare them for the dangers ahead.

Crossing the First Threshold: first steps out of the comfort zone are taken.

Tests, Allie, Enemies: new challenges occur, and maybe new friends or enemies.

Approach to the Inmost Cave: hero approaches goal.

The Ordeal: the hero faces their biggest challenge.

Reward (Seizing the Sword): the hero manages to get ahold of what they were after.

The Road Back: they realize that their goal was not the final hurdle, but may have actually caused a bigger problem than before.

Resurrection: a final challenge, testing them on everything they've learned.

Return with the Elixir: after succeeding they return to their old life.

the hero's journey can be applied to any genre of fiction.

3. Three Act Structure:

this structure splits the story into the 'beginning, middle and end' but with in-depth components for each act.

Act 1: Setup:

exposition: the status quo or the ordinary life is established.

inciting incident: an event sets the whole story into motion.

plot point one: the main character decided to take on the challenge head on and she crosses the threshold and the story is now progressing forward.

Act 2: Confrontation:

rising action: the stakes are clearer and the hero has started to become familiar with the new world and begins to encounter enemies, allies and tests.

midpoint: an event that derails the protagonists mission.

plot point two: the hero is tested and fails, and begins to doubt themselves.

Act 3: Resolution:

pre-climax: the hero must chose between acting or failing.

climax: they fights against the antagonist or danger one last time, but will they succeed?

Denouement: loose ends are tied up and the reader discovers the consequences of the climax, and return to ordinary life.

4. Dan Harmon's Story Circle

it surprised me to know the creator of Rick and Morty had their own variation of Campbell's hero's journey.

the benefit of Harmon's approach is that is focuses on the main character's arc.

it makes sense that he has such a successful structure, after all the show has multiple seasons, five or six seasons? i don't know not a fan of the show.

the character is in their comfort zone: also known as the status quo or ordinary life.

they want something: this is a longing and it can be brought forth by an inciting incident.

the character enters and unfamiliar situation: they must take action and do something new to pursue what they want.

adapt to it: of course there are challenges, there is struggle and begin to succeed.

they get what they want: often a false victory.

a heavy price is paid: a realization of what they wanted isn't what they needed.

back to the good old ways: they return to their familiar situation yet with a new truth.

having changed: was it for the better or worse?

i might actually make a operate post going more in depth about dan harmon's story circle.

5. Fichtean Curve:

the fichtean curve places the main character in a series of obstacles in order to achieve their goal.

this structure encourages writers to write a story packed with tension and mini-crises to keep the reader engaged.

The Rising Action

the story must start with an inciting indecent.

then a series of crisis arise.

there are often four crises.

2. The Climax:

3. Falling Action

this type of story telling structure goes very well with flash-back structured story as well as in theatre.

6. Save the Cat Beat Sheet:

this is another variation of a three act structure created by screenwriter Blake Snyder, and is praised widely by champion storytellers.

Structure for Save the Cat is as follows: (the numbers in the brackets are for the number of pages required, assuming you're writing a 110 page screenplay)

Opening Image [1]: The first shot of the film. If you’re starting a novel, this would be an opening paragraph or scene that sucks readers into the world of your story.

Set-up [1-10]. Establishing the ‘ordinary world’ of your protagonist. What does he want? What is he missing out on?

Theme Stated [5]. During the setup, hint at what your story is really about — the truth that your protagonist will discover by the end.

Catalyst [12]. The inciting incident!

Debate [12-25]. The hero refuses the call to adventure. He tries to avoid the conflict before they are forced into action.

Break into Two [25]. The protagonist makes an active choice and the journey begins in earnest.

B Story [30]. A subplot kicks in. Often romantic in nature, the protagonist’s subplot should serve to highlight the theme.

The Promise of the Premise [30-55]. Often called the ‘fun and games’ stage, this is usually a highly entertaining section where the writer delivers the goods. If you promised an exciting detective story, we’d see the detective in action. If you promised a goofy story of people falling in love, let’s go on some charmingly awkward dates.

Midpoint [55]. A plot twist occurs that ups the stakes and makes the hero’s goal harder to achieve — or makes them focus on a new, more important goal.

Bad Guys Close In [55-75]. The tension ratchets up. The hero’s obstacles become greater, his plan falls apart, and he is on the back foot.

All is Lost [75]. The hero hits rock bottom. He loses everything he’s gained so far, and things are looking bleak. The hero is overpowered by the villain; a mentor dies; our lovebirds have an argument and break up.

Dark Night of the Soul [75-85-ish]. Having just lost everything, the hero shambles around the city in a minor-key musical montage before discovering some “new information” that reveals exactly what he needs to do if he wants to take another crack at success. (This new information is often delivered through the B-Story)

Break into Three [85]. Armed with this new information, our protagonist decides to try once more!

Finale [85-110]. The hero confronts the antagonist or whatever the source of the primary conflict is. The truth that eluded him at the start of the story (established in step three and accentuated by the B Story) is now clear, allowing him to resolve their story.

Final Image [110]. A final moment or scene that crystallizes how the character has changed. It’s a reflection, in some way, of the opening image.

(all information regarding the save the cat beat sheet was copy and pasted directly from reedsy!)

7. Seven Point Story Structure:

this structure encourages writers to start with the at the end, with the resolution, and work their way back to the starting point.

this structure is about dramatic changes from beginning to end

The Hook. Draw readers in by explaining the protagonist’s current situation. Their state of being at the beginning of the novel should be in direct contrast to what it will be at the end of the novel.

Plot Point 1. Whether it’s a person, an idea, an inciting incident, or something else — there should be a "Call to Adventure" of sorts that sets the narrative and character development in motion.

Pinch Point 1. Things can’t be all sunshine and roses for your protagonist. Something should go wrong here that applies pressure to the main character, forcing them to step up and solve the problem.

Midpoint. A “Turning Point” wherein the main character changes from a passive force to an active force in the story. Whatever the narrative’s main conflict is, the protagonist decides to start meeting it head-on.

Pinch Point 2. The second pinch point involves another blow to the protagonist — things go even more awry than they did during the first pinch point. This might involve the passing of a mentor, the failure of a plan, the reveal of a traitor, etc.

Plot Point 2. After the calamity of Pinch Point 2, the protagonist learns that they’ve actually had the key to solving the conflict the whole time.

Resolution. The story’s primary conflict is resolved — and the character goes through the final bit of development necessary to transform them from who they were at the start of the novel.

(all information regarding the seven point story structure was copy and pasted directly from reedsy!)

i decided to fit all of them in one post instead of making it a two part post.

i hope you all enjoy this post and feel free to comment or reblog which structure you use the most, or if you have your own you prefer to use! please share with me!

if you find this useful feel free to reblog on instagram and tag me at perpetualstories

Follow my tumblr and instagram for more writing and grammar tips and more!

#writing #writing advice #writing tips #original writing #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #writersconnection #writersofig #writersofinstagram #writings

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dailyadventureprompts · 2 years

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Drafting The Adventure: Hitting a Wall

I know the signs before I really start to feel them, I start trawling through my notes looking for validation, I find it hard to concentrate on anything even if it’s pure entertainment, my thoughts become slippery and recursive as I think through the same few phrases or sensations on loop.

By the time I realize that I’ve hit a creative block I’ve usually been spinning my wheels for two or three days, letting everything else in life distract me from the fact that I haven’t put words on the page or made progress on one of my current projects. Then I feel guilty for not being productive and angrily stare at a blank page for the remainder of my freetime slowly making myself worse, and still getting nothing done.

It’s a cycle that I’ve been fighting for years, and one of the predominant sources of despair in my early life once my brain had associated creative accomplishment with self worth. I now know mostly that I’m not any better or worse a person because of my rate of output, but that doesn’t change the fact that I really LIKE the feeling of being creative and clever and creative blocks stand in the way of that feeling.

Lets use my most recent block as an example: I wanted to write a player home type adventure prompt where after doing a solid for the local nobility the heroes are suddenly bestowed with a knighthood and a keep overlooking the town they’d been adventuring out of. I found a really solid piece of art that captured the mood I wanted for the prompt ( sometimes the hardest part of running this blog) but when it came to actually detailing ideas for what the castle was like my brain just sort of... stopped. Sure I had a couple of ideas but they didn’t really form into anything actionable, and those concepts that managed to make it into the page were long, rambling, and frankly uninteresting.

I’d hit a wall, and it wasn’t until I was honest with myself that I had an actual problem that I could start doing something about it. Lets look at some of my solutions:

Back to the Drawing Board: While I’ve now spent several years attempting to surmount my creative blocks, it’s only recently that I’ve come to realize that blocks occur not because I’ve just run out of creative juice/have gotten stupider/angered my muse, but because I’ve committed to a flawed idea and I need to back up and plot a new way to act on my inspiration. if I’m having problems finishing a sentence, I go back to the start of the paragraph, if I’m having trouble with a paragraph I go back to the start of the whole document, If I’m having trouble with the idea, I go back to what made me think that Idea was going to be fun in the first place.

Recognize the learning opportunity when it hits you in the face: No one is born inherently creative, it’s a process of refining your skills over time so when you encounter challenges in the future, you’ve already developed the tools needed to overcome them. Each problem then becomes an opportunity to improve, until you can gladly flaunt the things that would have stopped a younger version of yourself dead in their tracks. In this instance, figuring out how my creative blocks affect my brain will not only let me avoid them in the future, but get past them when I inevitably make a misstep.

Give your brain something else to chew on: I was already half way through thinking “maybe I should analyze why I run into walls and how I get out of them so I can implement that strategy on a wider scale” when I realized I was drafting this post in my head. Making it has not only helped me formalize a few strategies I’m going to use going further, but given me enough distance from the project that was stonewalling me that I can begin to rethink it, rather than try to “solve” what I’d already put down.

Why isn’t this working?: I’ve asked myself this question many times when I feel like I’ve run into a creative dead end, but it wasn’t until this most recent hurdle that I realized I’d never defined what “working” meant. comparing this prompt against several others that HAD worked made me realize that when I’d given the party a place to stay, I’d always paired that with a significant quest that came before/after, which I neglected to do for this particular prompt because it was already intended as a followup. Using the fort as a launching point for a new story is going to give me all the inspiration I need.

#it's a process #dnd #dungeons and dragons #adventure #5e homebrew #homebrew adventure #DM advice #dm tips #dm tools #dm tip #drafting an adventure #writer's block

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deepdisireslonging · 2 years

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Power Struggle

The reader used to work for Wardlow. Now she works for MJF and he is intent on breaking her spirit. But she’s fighting back with everything she’s got.

Pairing: None

Warnings/Promises: angst, whump (reader forced to wear a shock collar), MJF is an asshole, (spoiler: happy ending)

Word Count: unknown

Note: I was thinking about this all day and couldn’t do anything else until I typed it out. Feedback is super appreciated.

It had started off beautiful enough.

Being a barista at Claudio Castagnoli’s favorite coffee stop had it’s advantages. Chatting one day about how’d you wanted to get into wrestling without the sweating lead to him getting you trained as a valet. Eventually he introduced you to Wardlow, and you two hit it off right away. There was a gentleman’s agreement that they wouldn’t meet in a match for a while. And Claudio promised to be there if you needed him.

For a while, you were happy. Wardlow appreciated your quick wit and quicker jabs against his opponents. You liked that he made you laugh and bought ribbons for your hair to match your bright ring clothes. Your partnership won Wardlow a second championship.

Then MJF began to strangle your dreams.

{*}

“I’m so glad you two agreed to my changes.” His smile was sickening.

While Wardlow cocked his head, you snatched up the contract he just signed and flipped through. A new paragraph on page three made your blood run cold.

“How does it look, Y/N?” He leaned back in his chair. Shawn Spears snickered over his shoulder. “How does it feel, knowing that if your Wardog loses our match, not only does he lose his championship, but he also loses you.”

Wardlow gripped his pen like a weapon, “Max-”

Your eyes flickered through the text. Each word worse than the last.

“Don’t hate me because you can’t read and because your girl can’t do her job. As such, I’m ensuring she gets a better education in wrestling either way.” He watched your eyes shine with tears you’d die before letting them fall. “Even if you win, Y/N is going to start working for me. Unlikely, but if you manage to retain your championship, we might be able to come to a bargain. Keep in mind,” he yawned, already bored with the havoc he’d wrought, “that clause also keeps you from enacting a rematch for six months when you lose.” He reached across the table for the hand you had spread out to steady yourself. “I can’t wait for you to see what real power looks like.”

With a roar, Wardlow flipped the table. But MJF was already gone, his mission accomplished and plenty of doubt sown.

{*}

The referee was distracted with a fake ring. Wardlow knew MJF’s tricks, and was able to disarm him of one illegal weapon. But Max brought a second. A mixture of a low blow and a sharp punch to Wardlow’s jaw dropped him. Max shouted and bounced off the ropes, drawing the ref’s attention. It looked clean. And the pin was set.

You tried to back away from the ring as MJF raised the title above his head. But you bumped into Shawn Spear’s chest.

“Where do you think you’re going, lovely?” He spun you around, making you watch as MJF placed a boot on the back of Wardlow’s neck and posed. He made eye contact with you. Spears held you in place while MJF dismounted the ring.

“I’m going to make your life hell,” you spat. When he raised his hand to slap you, you set your jaw.

“Hmm.” His hand lowered gently back to his side. “We’ll have to do something about that mouth, won’t we?” Wardlow stirring in the ring caught his attention. You winced as his strong grip started to drag you up the ramp. He included you in his pose on stage where everyone and Wardlow could see you standing by his side, and the championship over his shoulder.

{*}

Weeks passed. You did your best to live up to your promise of making MJF’s life a living hell. If he gave you an order, you did exactly as he asked, but with a twist. He stopped having you bring his morning coffee after you blasted cold air over it in your car on the way to the office. It was obvious he wasn’t going to trust you with any paperwork. You refused to give any input to his plans to rule the AEW roster. He retaliated where he wished. Your usual bright clothes “clashed” with his look. At first he let you wear muted colors, then chose completely black outfits for you to wear. Little by little, any control you had over your budding wrestling career was taken from you.

At ringside, there wasn’t much you could do, either. Spears had his back most of the time. And you were told to “stand there and look pretty” next to the time keeper’s table. It didn’t stop you from shouting your usual cutthroat opinions at MJF. The last one ended in a shouting match after he dismantled some poor competitor.

“I will break you, Y/N. You might as well accept it,” he’d said.

You never thought he’d go this far.

“Miss Y/N, you’re looking extra gloomy this evening.” His bright smile made you want to punch him.

“It’s easy to do when your forcing me to work for the least talented man on the roster.” A smile tugged at your lips when he glowered.

MJF smoothed his lapels. “So rude. And I even had a present to give you.”

“I don’t want it.”

His eyebrow arched. “Are you sure, sweetheart? I thought something inspired by Wardlow might bring a smile to your face.”

The thin, velvet rectangular box he pulled from his jacket was probably untrustworthy. He flicked it open, revealing a necklace crafted to look like a red ribbon with a small paw pendent inset with a green stone. At least it would be a pop of color. Gently, he pulled it out and circled you to put it on. Something heavy clicked behind your neck. The red band was too thick to be a ribbon. It sat it the middle of your throat like a choker. It was too tight. But when you reached back to adjust it, there wasn’t a clasp, but a lock.

MJF fiddle with a key between his fingers as he walked around to stand in front of you. “Good girl, standing there while I put your collar on.” After dropping the key in his pocket, he checked his smart watch.

You growled, “listen here, Max. I-” and then a small electric shock stopped your voice, making you gasp.

He held up his watch to show you the button on the screen. “I figured I might need something to help you behave tonight. Your friend Claudio’s teammate, Wheeler, has requested a title match and contract signing. Don’t worry, I already checked. You’re not mentioned on it.” MJF adjusted his cuff links, then reached for your neck. He grabbed the front of the low-cut top he picked for you to keep you in place. Simply so he could flick the charm. “And don’t even think about trying to get away. The range is good for up to five miles. Your job tonight is to use that sharp tongue of yours against Wheeler and the Blackpool Combat Club when prompted. Anything more, and we’ll have problems. Understood?”

You nodded, but removed MJF’s hand from your blouse.

“I want to hear you, sweet-cheeks. Say ‘I’ll behave, Max’ for me.”

Gritting your teeth, you forced out “I’ll behave-” but another zap stopped you.

“Oops. Sorry.” Max flicked the button on his screen from a red one to a blue one. “It has a setting against loud bitches. Anything above a whisper and I’ll know.” He smiled at you. “I’ll try to remember to turn it off when we get to the ring.” Turning on his heel, he called back. “Fifteen minutes till show-time.”

{*}

You did as he asked. No twists or way out this time. Not when he kept his fingers centimeters away from the screen on his wrist. Wheeler had been shocked to hear your sharp words. Even Claudio, who understood and enjoyed friendly competition, glared at you from time to time.

While MJF rambled on and the contract was passed around for signatures, you tried to make eye contact with Claudio. He ignored you. You kept your hands tightly gripped together on the table. If you reached for the collar, to adjust it or hint to Claudio of it’s use, you were afraid MJF would set it off. The only one who would meet your gaze was Mox. But your pleading eyes did nothing to even pause his angry fidgeting.

“In two weeks, I’m going to raise this championship above your head, Yuta.” MJF stood, holding the belt up high. “Regal, I hope you’ve trained your boy well. I’m looking for an actual challenge.” He threw the mic onto the table and held out his hand towards you. Your pause made him hiss at you. “Take. My. Hand.”

Shivering, you did. MJF squeezed it tight, as if to break your fingers. He led you around the table to leave. Passing Claudio, you mouthed, “help.” But with the speed MJF was going, you weren’t sure he saw it.

Backstage, he was instantly surrounded by Tony and a film crew. He made a show of checking his watch, then nodded to send you off. A few lonely steps later around the corner, you bumped into Wardlow.

“Y/N?”

With a gasp, you grabbed his arm. “You’ve got to get me outta here. Please.” Your whispers hopefully wouldn’t carry far enough for MJF to know something was up. You glanced over your shoulder to check. “I’m not going to make it two weeks, much less the last three months of his contract. He’s controlling me by-”

He sighed. “I’m trying. But according to everyone I’ve asked, the contract I signed is legal. As my valet, it sealed you in. They won’t let me fight him. And if I try to attack him like I did when he had a deathgrip on my contract, they’ll fire me.” He laid his hands on your shoulders. “Not that it did Max any good, but it wouldn’t free you.” Gently, he smoothed down your hair. “I’m doing my best. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry too-”

“What could you be sorry about, Y/N?” MJF came around the corner.

You stepped back and pushed Wardlow away. MJF didn’t seem to care.

Wardlow’s lip curled towards a snarl. “She’s sorry she can’t work for me.” He made eye contact with you, holding the snarl as if to push you emotionally away. “As she said a second ago, I was the one who put her here.”

MJF slid a hand around your back to your hip, tugging you close. “That you did. Don’t worry. She’s in better hands.” He nuzzled his nose against your collar. Wardlow stormed past to the sound of MJF’s laughter and your silence.

{*}

Those two weeks passed by with MJF constantly jabbering on about how easy it was going to be to beat Wheeler. Even if the whole Combat Club could be ringside, which he was working on preventing. Your snide comments did nothing but zap you. It felt worth it. Until you poking holes in MJF’s plans made him adjust them to be fool-proof. After each zap, MJF would sit close to you to shush and hug you. He claimed all of this was training and for your better good.

The only time you didn’t have the collar on was when he had Spears teaching you how to interfere from ringside. Another aspect of your training he said Wardlow had neglected. You didn’t bother pointing out that Wardlow didn’t need interference to win a match. After Spears had run you ragged, he helped hold you in place, pinned against the apron, so MJF could put your collar back on.

By the time the pay-per-view arrived, you were a nervous wreck. You tried to remain strong, but every way out was blocked. You couldn’t even tell anyone. MJF was your constant companion. Whispering in your ear things to tear down your confidence. Ramping up the voltage to keep you completely silent when he had to leave you alone. When he trained or fought, he made sure Spears had the watch.

During the match, only Regal was allowed at ringside. You could be there, but Spears stayed in the back as part of the agreement. He fully expected you to help as needed. Spears was more than willing to punish you if you let an opportunity pass. Thankfully, one never came up. MJF used his own shortcomings to ensure his win. While Regal led a battered Wheeler out of the arena, Spears cheerily skipped down to the ring. He dragged you in behind him for MJF’s celebratory speech.

“Smile,” MJF ordered. He maintained eye contact with you as he accepted the control of the watch. The smile you managed wasn’t enough. “A real one.” He wasn’t satisfied until you dug deep for your retail smile.

But before he could address the crowd, the rest of the Blackpool Combat Club and Wardlow slid into the ring. Mox dragged Spears out one way, followed by Claudio. Wardlow tackled MJF, but a low blow reversed the power.

You risked calling out his name. One step towards them, and their scuffle activated your collar. Your scream cut short. It was more intense than anything MJF had hit you with before. Claudio came to your aid, but you are arching and writhing in pain, clawing at the collar. “The watch!” you rasped.

Hazily, you watched the two of them take MJF to the ground. Wardlow smashed the watch against the apron. When he got back to you, you were in a cold sweat and shivering with aftershocks. His fingers reached for the back clasp.

“Key. You need a key.”

Claudio was already on it. He had to practically throw Mox to one side to rummage through Spear’s pockets. But he found it. And soon, you were free.

Wardlow held you close while you shivered. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. You tried telling me, and I was wasn’t listening. If Britt Baker hadn’t seen MJF wrestling that thing on you...” He couldn’t finish.

“I’m sorry too.” Claudio sighed. “I promised to have your back. Then blocked you out when you were being forced to say those terrible things.”

“I don’t blame you. Either of you.” You wiped away your tears. “But what can I do? MJF still has control over me for another few months.”

“Not any more.” Wardlow directed your attention to the stage. “Baker raised hell when she found out what Max was doing to you. Khan tore up the contract. And now Max is going to pay for it.”

The man in question had just managed to crawl to the top of the ramp. He stopped in front of six pairs of boots. Britt Baker stood there, flanked by Kris Stratlander, Nyla Rose, Athena, Jade Cargill, and Anna Jay. Their differences were put aside. For you. MJF screamed the entire time they dragged him out of the ring.

Wardlow tilted your face up. “We would all completely understand if you want to leave. This is more than anything that should have happened to you.”

“Leave?” You accepted the help getting to your feet. “Nuh-uh. I’m just now getting the hang of it.” Weakly, you offered a real smile. “Besides, we’ve got to get your title back.”

Claudio snickered. “What if I wanted to try for it next?”

You shared a look with Wardlow. “Then I guess... let the games begin.”

((*))

Wrestling Masterlist

#reader insert #wardlow #wardlow x reader #Claudio Castagnoli #mjf #maxwell jacob friedman #mjf x reader #shawn spears #aew #aew fanfiction #aew x reader #wrestling whump #aew whump

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atruththatyoudeny · 2 years

Text

Happy 28th! Here are all the fics I read and loved this month. A million ♥'s for all the authors who make this fandom a better place ♥

A special shoutout this month goes to the Wordplay Fic Challenge/ @wordplayfics and all the fantastic authors who are taking part this year. I'm slowly making my way through all the fics, so check out the collection and also keep an eye on the upcoming prompts. Prompt 6.1: Scramble

The Warmth of Your Body | zanni_scaramouche | omegaverse - full shift werewolves - pack dynamics - violence - blood - injury - magic - slow burn - no smut - 46k Harry's life has been destined by the stars. He is next in line to be pack Luna, mate of the pack's leading alpha, the Soleil. As surrounding packs continue to drop quiet and the threat of chaotic magic grows close, a mysterious Alpha Louis Tomlinson appears just in time to save Harry's life. But can he afford to trust this rogue's intentions are pure in the midst of a war? Harry finds himself caught between destiny and instinct as he battles with his duty to the pack and the immediate connection he feels. Or: historical full shift werewolf packs and Louis looking a little too attractive even when covered in blood.

some things fade (some never do) | we_are_the_same | fantasy - modern setting - magic - friends to lovers - exes to lovers - slow burn - mutual pining - emotional hurt/comfort - long-distance relationship - magical tattoos - 25k Matching tattoos. He’d never thought he’d be the type for tattoos to begin with, let alone matching or magical ones, but once Harry had put the idea in his mind it had never quite managed to disappear. And it had made sense. With their relationship a long distance one, this was simply another way of feeling close to one another. Of knowing where the other was, how they felt. It had made so much sense. Back then. * Three years after their break up, Harry calls.

to change how you see and what you believe | jaerie | mpreg - unplanned pregnancy - pregnancy kink - lactation kink - friends to lovers - 12k Harry and Louis are best friends who just happen to fall into bed with each other sometimes, it's not a big deal. After a drunken night of discussing their kinks, they wake up naked together. They don't remember what happened, but they've done it before and they'll probably do it again, but five months later, a surprise changes everything. or an I didn't know I was pregnant au

Darling, Just Hold My Hand | likelarry | mpreg - cabin fic - fluff - pregnancy kink - previous miscarriage - 10k Louis and Harry decide to spend a week at a skii resort with their families during the Christmas holidays. On Christmas night, Harry goes into labor but the family gets snowed in which forces him to give birth in the cabin in the middle of nowhere. Luckily, his husband is a surgeon who can help.

Hill Country | safetyfilm | farm/ranch - friends with benefits - internalized homophobia - unsupportive family - bittersweet ending - 11k Louis is a farmer. His family gives him hell for it, only because it’s not a nine to five job and he should set a better example for his siblings. When he's invited (scratch that, required) to pay a visit for a will reading, he has to double down on his work chores in advance. But spring break is just around the corner in Austin, which means Harry's free and he really, really wants to hang out.

Here's Your Perfect | brightgolden | omegaverse - arranged marriage - past Louis Tomlinson/OMC - misunderstandings - single parent - mpreg - pining - first time - 54k All finesse tossed aside, Harry yanks the envelope from Miss Eden’s hand. He hears her laugh, bright and cheerful as he tears into the envelope. His eyes skipping over the complimentary paragraph congratulating him for being assigned, settling into the centre of the letter - the name of his future mate. And suddenly, Harry feels there isn’t enough air in this world for him to inhale as he recites the name in his mind. Louis Tomlinson. OR In the world where mates are assigned to everyone and deposited to their door when an agreeable partner is found for them, Alpha Louis has recently been given his. However, he is nothing like the type of alpha that the omega academy prepares Harry for.

Truebonds | jacaranda_bloom | omegaverse - truebonds - professional scenter - nesting - scenting - mpreg - 40k Louis doesn't mind being an omega, most of the time. Modern medicine allows him to suppress almost all of his omega traits, but the one thing it can't suppress is his scenting cycle. Fortunately, that only needs to be dealt with every seven years and he counts himself lucky that he can afford the services of a reputable agency. With his cycle due, he reviews the matched candidates and there's one alpha who fits all of his criteria, S28A. That's pretty much where things start to unravel. Enter Harry Styles, scenter for hire. Or the one where Louis is an omega in need, Harry is an alpha for hire, and destiny presents them with a fate they never saw coming.

Promise in the Sky | Throwthemflowers | High School - friends to lovers - best friends - slow burn - religious guilt - sexual repression - internalized homophobia - implied conversion therapy - suicide attempt - healing - 99k AU in which Harry Styles, a naïve, repressed, socially awkward Midwestern highschooler tries to navigate his fundamentalist evangelical parents and radically progressive older sister. He’s doing an okay job of this until the Tomlinson family starts attending Lakeside Baptist Church and a boy named Louis changes everything. Harry is forced to come to grips with his true self when Louis becomes more than just his best friend; but their relationship opens a can of worms and sends them on the most painful, heartbreaking journey of their young lives. They risk everything and nearly lose, and Harry learns that perhaps only one Bible verse is true: that perfect love casteth out fear.

Box of Rain | indierection | 1970s - boxing - mutual pining - friends to lovers - 26k Louis is definitely not the next Muhammad Ali, just an illegal boxer with no prospects for the future. Harry is a hippie Uni student that in his free time informally works as a ring boy. Somehow he manages to always get tangled on the ropes and at the same time charm the pants off of all the fighters and patrons. They meet in Manchester in 1977 and, even though they don't seem to have much in common, they... Well, they just sort of click, really. - The one with a friendship ruiner game of Monopoly, Harry always ending up in jail for wanting to save the world, Louis face to face with his archenemy and way too many references to 70s music. Also staring Zayn as a brooding anarchist punk rocker, Liam as the nerdiest and nicest boxer in all Britain and Niall as a bookmarker that can easily convince people to bet fortunes, but can't make his friends realise their mutual crush on each other.

#28th appreciation #fic rec #my fic rec #my reads #monthly fic rec #monthly reads #completed fics #larry fics

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writing-with-olive · 4 years

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How to write essays fast

I've been writing a lot of papers, so that's what's on my mind.

So this mostly applies to your standard 5-paragraph paper, though it's fairly straightforward to adapt it to longer (or sometimes shorter) assignments.

One of the main things to note is that essays are VERY formulaic, so knowing the formula and being able to write down your ideas in a way that fit into the formula is probably the number one way to get stuff done fast. Because of that, most of what I’m covering is breaking down the formulas so they’re more accessable.

Also this got very long. If there’s anything you want me to expand on just let me know in the comments or send me an ask/DM and I’ll make another post that goes more in-depth about it.

Structure (I hate this step, so I’ve figured out how to do it very fast becuase it’s still important)

The first thing to consider is prewriting and structure. To start, there are two major paper structures I usually consider. The first goes

Introduction

Main point #1

Main point #2

Main point #3

Conclusion

This is good if you have a lot to say on the topic, or if it's something closer to a summary essay where there's not really an opposing side. In something where there are distinct sides, (or if you have less to say to support your own side), you may want something that looks like

Introduction

Main point #1

Main point #2

Why the other side is wrong

Conclusion

The "why the other side is wrong" side is involves thinking through the MOST credible arguments the other side might make, and methodically breaking them down to show how they don't work. The stronger the argument you choose, the more effective this is.

Since I personally hate prewriting with a passion, I usually do this step very fast and end up with an outline that looks like

Intro [insert thesis statement]

P1: [three word summary]

P2: [three word summary]

P3: [three word summary]

Conclusion

(thesis statement, introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion tips are all below the cut)

Usually, this is enough so when I look at my outline, I can see what I'm trying to focus on for each paragraph - and do so without straying from my main point.

For the prewriting, the main things to do are identify with basic structure of the two will serve your purposes better, and write a thesis statement that solidly supports your argument.

Thesis Statement

There are so many guides about creating thesis statements that are powerful, but I'm just going to quickly go over how to be fast about it.

The first thing to know is that a thesis statement is usually a complex sentence: it's your entire essay distilled down to a single line. The general formula I follow goes something like this:

"In their [media type] [name of specific piece], [creator's full name] explored/demonstrated/other verb [theme you're going to be arguing about] demonstrated/using/as evidenced/as shown by [example 1], [example 2], and [optional example 3]."

For example, a thesis statement that follows this format might go

“In his short film Job at Place, David Davidson explored the manifestations of human stupidity through the absurdity of the main character’s home, school, and office.”

Or, if you're writing a historical piece, it might look something like this:

"In [place/time period], [thing you're arguing was happening]: they had to/the conditions were such that/other thing to set up a list [example 1], [example 2], and [example 3]."

For example, a thesis statement that follows this format might go

“During the Tusken Invasion of 32nd century Tatooine, it was the lives of the children that were most affected, from their social development and connections with others to more personal struggles they didn’t yet have the tools to overcome.”

The examples you give are going to correlate to your paragraphs - example 1 is for body paragraph 1, and so on.

Introduction

I like to think of the introduction as a funnel that gets more and more specific.

First, write a broad statement that touches on whatever theme you’re referencing.

Job at Place is about human stupidity, so something like “while great minds have flourished throughout the ages, so have the not-so-great.”

Tatooine is about war, and about child development, so something like “children’s development has always been impacted by the state of the world around them.” or “war has many effects, many of which impact those not directly involved with the conflict.”

The idea is that it’s a broad statement that can almost be looked at like a universal truth.

Next, you’re going to go deeper - two sentences that narrow down the time and place you’re talking about specifically, and how that time and place fit into your universal statement.

The fourth sentence gets even more specific - introducing how the thesis sentence fits into your first three sentences.

Then the last line is your thesis statements.

Body Paragraphs

Your three main body paragraphs all follow the same formula. (I’ll get to the “why the other side is wrong” paragraph in a minute)

The first sentence you��re going to want is a topic sentence. For this, you’re going to want to look at the example you gave in your thesis statement that corresponds to this paragraph, and see how it relates to your central claim.

If we’re going with the Job at Place example from above, for the second paragraph, you might open with a line like:

“A striking characteristic of Davidson’s short film was the abnormality of the main character’s school, used to showcase exactly what happens when poor decisions get taken too far.”

Everything within the paragraph will then back up the claim you’re making in the topic sentence (which in turn is backing up your thesis).

For each paragraph, you’re probably going to want about three pieces of evidence, either in the form of direct quotes (plucking words directly from the source) or paraphrased quotes (summarizing what happened in your own words). The quote should be used to directly support your argument.

After each piece of evidence, you’re going to want about... twoish lines of analysis (this number can change as you need it to, but two lines is something solid to fall back to).

While analysis can take all kinds of forms, one pattern you can use if you’re stuck is

evidence sentence

what it means

how that meaning ties back into your main point

Following this pattern, a piece of analysis of Job at Place might look like:

“One of the first images of the private school is that it’s a tall spire with creaking stairs and loose floorboards. Despite this, the principal has eight personal cars parked outside on full display. While the first glimpse of the school might indicate that there is little money to care for the structural integrity, the notion is directly negated by the principal’s actions. By using these two images, Davidson demonstrates what can happen to the youth when those in power let greed carry them away.”

After you write your analysis, include some kind of transition phrase, and go onto the next piece of evidence.

The last line of your paragraph is going to transition into the next paragraph while also summing up the main point of what you talked about in the current one. (This line can also get moved down and tacked onto the beginning of the next paragraph, before the topic sentence, but I have found it tends to look less cohesive that way).

You might choose something like:

“While the school was a disaster in its own right, it wasn’t the only example of human folly.”

If you’re writing a “this is why the other side is wrong” you’re going to want to think about the MOST compelling arguments the other side could make. Take the top one (or two), and figure out ways to crack them apart using evidence from your source material.

In this case, your topic sentence might start off with something like

“While opponents might say [insert compelling counterargument], their reasoning breaks down when one takes into account the evidence.”

At this point, you’re going to follow the same formula as above. The main thing to keep in mind is that for the duration of this paragraph, your point is that the other side’s claim of X is wrong.

Conclusion!

If you know what you’re doing, this is actually the easiest part.

(wait, what??????)

The thing is, you NEVER want to introduce new ideas into your conclusion. Instead, you’re summarizing your main points.

The formula I follow per sentence is:

Thesis statement but reworded (you can change the sentence structure too)

Topic sentence for paragraph 2 or 3, but reworded (I’ll explain why you shouldn’t do the sentence for P1 in just a sec)

Topic sentence for paragraph 1 or 3 but reworded

Topic sentence for paragraph 1 or 2 but reworded

Wow sentence or question (i’ll get to this too)

The idea for the middle three sentences is you don’t want them to read as repetitive, so you’re going to mix up the order so it doesn’t match the order of the rest of the essay. This will help to keep it fresh.

The wow sentence is basically the last impression you get to make. I find it’s usually a good idea to go just a tad dramatic (it sounds dumb, but it has never failed me). If I can’t think of anything, a declarative statement on whatever major theme was being discussed throughout the essay usually does the trick.

Examples:

All of this shows that in the absence of friendships and platonic love, humanity will falter.

Fiction may seem far fetched now, but if the world falls into those same mistakes, it’s only a matter of time until it becomes a reality.

Art has existed for as long as humans have populated the earth; it’s not going away any time soon.

A lesson everyone must understand is the most powerful weapon isn’t anything physical or tangeable: it’s the ideas that exist in the minds of those who care.

(I told you they were going to be dramatic) A way I look at it is if you can’t imagine dropping the mic on the last line, it needs to be stronger (yes I found that plagiarized with not even a whisper of credit on Pinterest, but it works).

If you wrote a SOLID essay, consider ending with a question aimed at the reader (this will push your essay in the direction of either the positive or negative extreme: a strong essay will become stronger, a weak essay will become weaker). Questions can be a call to action or rhetorical as a means to drive home your final point. Becuase they’re more nuanced to the content of the essay, I don’t really have great examples to give you though (sorry).

Hopefully this is useful to at least some of you - good luck!

++++

Tagging:@candlemouse

If you want to be added to or removed from any of my taglists (found pinned to the top of my blog) just let me know :)

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ipaaciir · 3 years

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How do I get good grades?

[ID: A banner that reads "Study tips" in all caps in pale green color, with pale yellow background and a geometric pattern in pale green in the corners. End ID].

If there's something I've learned from getting straight A's at school and university is that it's less about what you know and more about what your habits and skills are.

Look, I have this classmate who is always reading advanced books, listening to podcasts, and watching conferences. She knows A LOT. But this adorable person doesn't do homework, when she does, it's late or poorly done. Her comments in class are lacking coherence and her essays are badly referenced. All of this just lower her grades.

So what can she do? How do I get good grades?

[Disclaimer: these tips are based on my own experiences and observations as I study a social science and some of the things that worked for my in high school, I've also helped my classmate but these tips might not apply to you].

1. Strengthen your language four basic skills.

If you study languages you know we have to practice four skills: reading, writing, listening and speaking. Well, it's not very different for your native language. After all, is with language that we're able to communicate, share ideas and knowledge. You know... like, everything we learn at school (and more).

a. Reading: If you don't know a word, underline it, search the meaning and write it at the margin of the text, on a post it, or in your notebook. Underline main ideas and take notes or write a summary. This will help you not only for better understanding or studying, but also to participate during class. If you need to, read out loud and/or try to explain each paragraph. This is helpful for very complex text. Doing a diagram works too!

b. Writing: Learning how to express our ideas in the written form is... weird. I seriously don't understand why on earth we can't write just like we speak. Why do we must write differently? Is it such a crime? (I mean, I know why, I just find it so interesting and funny). Anyway, must teachers' corrections are like "uSe sYnOnYmS", "bReAk YoUr PaRaGrApHs", "cOnNeCt YoUr IdEaS", "aRgUmEnT mOrE", "UsE aPa CiTaTiOn". So, yeah, follow those comments... I'll try to make a post on how to improve your writing.

c. Listening: Pay. Attention. To. Your. Teacher. I know it's hard, I know some people have a lot of difficulties because of ADHD or other learning disabilities. I can't speak for that, but what works for me is to doodle or embroider, sometimes being on Pinterest works too. Just doing something that requires low cognitive effort while I listen to the teacher keeps me on the class without getting lost in my mind. Even if you didn't do the reading, if you listen to your teacher (and classmates) you'll be able to participate.

d. Speaking. I think many people can imagine how frustrating it is to watch a presentation by your classmates and that they just... don't know how to present?? (it's even more frustrating when you know this people want to become teachers). Practice in the mirror, practice with your pet, practice in the shower, practice everyday. Remember the "explain each paragraph from the reading"? Yeah. When you can explain something it means you understand it. So try to explain everything you learn, everything you understand. Even just chatting with your friends, family, about it. This will also help you to participate in class. The other day a friend of mine just randomly shared her screen and started explaining the bacteria that causes tuberculosis to me... I don't know anything about medicine but I still learned a lot because she knows how to lower her knowledge. Practice. Practice 40hrs a day.

2. Organization.

a. Have a schedule. Set alarms for everything if you must. Look, I forget to eat, literally. I focus so much on what I'm doing that I tell my stomach to stop being annoying and he just... listens to me?? He's like "oh, okay, finish what you're doing and when you're done just tell me and we can go to grab some food". So, I set an alarm to eat, to shower, to have dinner, etc.

b. Color code!! Color coding is my best friend since I was in preschool. Assign a color to each subject. My notebooks or folders are classified by color. My schedule has the corresponding colors. My Trello has tags by color. My folders on the cloud and on my computer have colors. This way I don't mess up things.

c. Agenda. Write all of your assignments (with color code if you can) and everything on an agenda, to-do list, calendar, etc. Whatever works for you, but be conscious of all of your assignments. There was a point when I was in high school that I no longer used the agenda. I would write the homework and never look at it again, I just memorized (by accident) all of my assignments. I seriously don't get how no one noticed I had a big problem called anxiety. Before the modern plague I used a regular week by week agenda and it's what best works for me. I switched to a day by day agenda for a while... A nightmare. Fortnight by fortnight... Anxiety trigger. Now I use Trello since I have to do almost everything on digital.

d. Digital files. You must have well organized digital files on the cloud. I use my color code and my folders go like "university -> semester -> subject". I add a folder for each unit when I have many files. So inside "subject" or inside each "unit" folder I have "readings" and "homework". File names go like "1. Author - Title" for readings and "1. Type of homework (aka essay, diagram, synthesis, etc.) - Author/Title".

3. Discipline

If you don't do what you must when you must... It doesn't work, no matter how organized you are or how smart you are. As I said, my classmate learns a lot outside of school but she doesn't do her homework. I read just the absolute necessary (which I know is not ideal) but I have straight A's. To build habits is complicated, it will be hard but not impossible. Doing a bit is better than nothing. But keep doing stuff.

I have this friend who's very smart but procrastinates a lot, and she still gets straight A's. How? She does things when she needs to. Even 4 hours before the due date but she gets things done because she knows don't completing an assignment will lower her grades.

4. I don't want to do this specific assignment

When I don't find the energy or just want to avoid to do a specific assignment or advance on my projects, I... you're gonna call me nerd and you'll be on the right... I do other homework. Specially on finals. I just don't want to do a certain project and I go "well, what else do I have to do... Okay, this seems easy". And there you got me three days before the important due date with all of my homework for the day after done and the important thing just laying there... BUT, it does help!

That's it for now, I hope they help!

#studyblr #study tips #ipaaciir #college tips #school tips

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flareish · 3 years

Text

Overwhelmed

kuroo x reader

summary: With so many deadlines coming up the reader is overwhelm and buried in work and can’t help but to lash out. However, Kuroo is always there to pull her back

genre: college AU, fluff, pinch of angst

word count: 1.5k

warnings: none I think

a/n: I have been trying to make all of my requests gender neutral but sometimes I slip up and throw in she/her pronouns so tell me if you notice any that I didn’t catch. Enjoy!

The teachers were out to get you, you were sure of it. You push yourself every day to be the best, to be ahead of everything, all the assignments, all of your classmates just so you could possibly enjoy college as well as have good grades. But what did that get you? Impossibly high expectations. Suddenly everyone around you expected you to ace every test you did and just pull perfect essays out of nowhere. Which is exactly what just happened. You had been working on an essay all night. It hadn’t been your best work but your brain just couldn’t make anything better. That was all you had. You were almost at your limit with no end in sight. Then, despite all your hard work, your teacher handed it back to you saying that “this wasn’t the best I could do and that I shouldn’t start slacking off now”. She thought she was being helpful but right now you wanted to do was strangle her. Sure you could do better. If you didn’t have eight more assignments to do after this. Each one more mentally taxing than the next. But it’s fine, let me just rewrite this essay.

Why couldn’t you just be the kind of person who didn’t care? Or rather had given up caring. They probably learned their lesson that when you try you don’t get the reward you get more work. Why couldn’t you just not care too?

Deciding to jump back into your workload, you sit down at your desk in your dorm and begin to type. Words were kind of flowing. They weren’t exactly coherent thoughts but at least it was something to work with. As if your day couldn’t get any worse, your roommate comes barging in with three of their friends.

“Oh oops didn’t realize you were studying in here Y/N.” Your roommate said, not actually making an effort to be any quieter though. Shooting back a quick tight smile, not wanting to be rude but also just wanting them to leave. You were hoping they were just grabbing something and then would leave but they went and sat on the bed and turned the TV on.

You made a show of checking the time before loudly announcing that you were suppose to meet someone at the library. As much as you wanted to be petty and make them feel guilty for interrupting your study time, it was just easier to just leave.

“I don’t think I’ve seen them do anything except study. Talk about too school for cool.” You heard one of them joke as you left.

“Ugh tell me about it. You wouldn’t believe what time they goes to bed.” Your roommate adds. You roll your eyes and trying to ignore the comments. Is it really that crazy that you’re actually trying to learn at a place where you pay crazy amounts to be taught? You were just so done.

Luckily the library was fairly quiet since it had gotten quite late. You settled into your favorite spot and got to working. Although no matter how hard you tried nothing came to you. There was one sad paragraph on your screen, you must have reread it a million times hoping to spark some kind of inspiration from it. Nothing. Your brain kept drifting off on you and you would end up staring across the library without a single thought in your head. The time just kept slipping by. The more that went the more panicky you got. This was a time that you should be working but you just couldn’t. And of course the more desperate you got for inspiration, the more it avoided you.

You just let your head drop and hit the table. You were so done. You just wanted to scream. There was no one you could talk to either. Recently anyone that talked to you got snapped at. They were just all so calm and relaxed despite all of the work that has been coming in lately. Here you were, drowning in it, and they were happily swimming. Just the other day you and Kuroo had an argument over homework. He’s taking one of the hardest chemistry classes and he was there telling you it was going to be okay?! It just felt insulting. You knew he didn’t mean it like that but couldn’t he at least pretend to struggle? Damn you boyfriend for being so smart.

You really wanted Kuroo right now.

As if summoned by your thoughts, you felt hands slide onto your shoulders. You tense up kinda freaked out at who is touching you until you see that it’s him. Kuroo. For a moment you wanted to just throw yourself at him and forget about your homework. But then you remember your argument and how you’ve been a monster lately and resist. He’s having none of that though and keeps his hands on you.

“How long have you been here.” He asks gently. You glance at your computer and notice that it’s almost 3 am.

“What are you doing here?! It’s 3 am.” You say startled at the fact it had gotten that late and that he was also up that late. Usually, he is asleep by ten.

“I could ask you the same thing.” He replies as he straightens and starts packing up your things.

“Uh- Hey! Wait no- give me that! I’m not done yet.” You try and snatch back your stuff but he gives you a stern look and you sink back into your seat. You suddenly realize how tired you are and surrender. He’s finished putting everything away and throws the strap of your back over his shoulder. Prepared to carry your bag for you. Now you feel drained. Your limbs all feel heavy that it’s exhausting to even think about getting up.

“Come on let’s get you back to your dorm.” He mumbles pulling you up by your hand. You let him, flying up from your seat and onto your feet. You land right in his chest and you don’t want to go anywhere but here. For the first time in weeks, you feel calm and secure.

“Can I just stay here for a minute,” Your voice cracks as tears slip down your face. He didn’t say anything, he just wrapped his arms around you and hugged you close to his body. In this moment you felt nothing but love. The relief and comfort you felt was enough to make you cry harder. You don’t know how long you were stood there but no matter how long it was Kuroo never once rushed you. He just let you let it out. Once he saw that you had calmed down he gently pull back, bringing a hand to your cheek to wipe away any stray tears.

“You ready to head back now?” He asked again, planning on walking you back to your dorm.

“I don’t wanna,” You pout, “There’s a ton of people in there and I don’t wanna see any of them.” You are still salty at your roommate and their rude friends.

“Do you want to come to my dorm?” He asks, “Kenma was passed out when I left so it should be quiet.” You nod. You feel him put your backpack on you and you’re confused. You were kind of hoping he would take your backpack for you. You know be a gentleman and all. Then he squats down in front of you.

“Hop on.” This was pretty normal for the two of you so despite your sleepiness you bounce up onto his back. He adjusts you higher on his back before leaving the library. Waving to library worker on the late shift who giggled at the two of you.

You snuggled your face into his neck and loosely wrapped your arms around his neck. His footsteps seemed to lull you like a lullaby. You fell into a weird state as your body sleeping but your mind was awake. Hearing everything clear as day but the thought of opening your eyes or moving a muscle seeming impossible.

You start waking up more when you realize that you have made it to his dorm, letting him toss you down on the bed. You throw your backpack off to the side and head straight for under the covers.

“Ah ah! You’re in dirty clothes,” he gently complains, no real bite behind it. You grumble but let him pull you over to the edge of the bed. You had been so close to sleep. He slides your shirt over your head and replaces it with one of his hoodies. Only then once you’re in his clean clothes does he let you snuggle back into his bed. This time with him in there as well.

“Goodnight my love.” You finally slip into a peaceful state. You still had a lot of work to do but at least for tonight you will rest without worry. Tomorrow you know you need to make up with Kuroo but you know he could never stay mad at you. Come the morning you know Kuroo will help you with everything. He’s finished giving you space, now you’re stuck with him.

#Kuroo #tetsuro kuroo #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo tetsuro imagine #kuroo tetsuro oneshot #haikyuu #haikyuu kuroo #haikyuu captains #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu oneshot #haikyuu x reader #nekoma #nekoma x reader #nekoma imagines #nekoma fluff #nekoma oneshot

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studythenight-away · 4 years

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Hello! As finals season (aka 5-research-papers-due-in-a-week season) dawns on many of you, I thought I would share the process I used to write papers in college. This made writing long research papers much less daunting (but can also work on shorter papers). I really hope this helps some of you who feel stuck. Especially during these ridiculous times, when you're stuck at home and might have other uncontrollable factors affecting your mental health, a clear framework of what to do could be helpful. Good luck, my friends! You got this.

About me

I graduated college in 2018 with degrees in Political Science + International Studies and will be starting law school this fall. I wrote nearly 20 15 to 25-page papers, never earning below an A. I loved researching about my topics but hated writing. It's tedious, takes so much time, and everything I write sounds bad at first. Plus, I was a terrible procrastinator so most of these essays were written in under a week. Talk about stress.

Over time I found a process that worked for me, one that made churning out a paper seem straightforward, like going through a factory line rather than this terrifying concept of writing 10,000 words. It kept me sane without decreasing the quality of my work (or more importantly, how much I learned!)

I'm thinking about making a short video to show this in action… let me know if that could be helpful!

Step 1: Research

How you organize your research is a key step in keeping you sane. Usually I'll have a pile of 20 books in my dorm along with dozens of JSTOR tabs open on my laptop, and that can get overwhelming very fast. Right now just focus on collecting ideas, not developing an argument or even an outline! As with most research papers, you could be starting with little to no background information on the topic, so it is still too early to be thinking about an argument.

Put all your research in one document

Open up a new doc: this will be the heart of everything. For a 15-page paper I usually end up with around 14-18 pages of typed research, 10 pt font, single spaced, tiny margins. This seems like a lot, but essentially all I do is type up anything I read that seems relevant to my topic, so luckily this step does not require that much brain power. Just type type type!

Use the table of contents

Find the chapter(s) that are actually relevant instead of skimming through the whole book. Time is of the essence here!

Use Zotero, cite right away

You can also use easybib or whatever you're used to, but keep track of your sources. I like Zotero because I can keep a log of all of my sources and copy the footnote or bibliography version whenever needed. Before you even begin reading, cite the source and copy it into your research doc. This will save you so much time later when you have to put in your citations in the actual paper.

Here is an example of what my research doc looks like:

Full citation is my heading for each source just so it’s crystal clear

I ignore all typos (I don’t think there are any in this part though, go me!) because my head is buried in the book just trying to get all the info down

I always start with the page number so I know what to cite when I go back

Create a shorthand

While typing up research, you might think of something that the author didn't talk about that you'll want to write in your paper. Or perhaps a few sentences already start to form. Put them all in one place, with your research, so you know what source you'll have to cite to then lead into your idea. I type "!@#" before anything that is strictly my own idea so I'm never confused. It's fast and stands out.

This is an example: the two bullet points above are evidence from my source, which made me think of this argument I could make, which I noted with “!@#”

Step 2: Read Your Research

Now that you have all your information, go back and read through it all. Every time you read about a new theme/person/event, write it down somewhere. You may come up with a list of 20+ different ideas in your research. No matter how small, as long as there is something about it, write it down. Each of these mini themes is going to end up being a paragraph in your paper or combined with another mini theme.

Once you’ve made your list, look for larger overarching themes. In the paper I’ve shown you, I had mini categories like “political party x” “religion” “labor groups” “little organization” and “hierarchy.” When I looked back I though, hey these are all groups and how groups are working together, so they each became their own mini paragraph under the subsection of “Alliances.”

As with most research paper structures, I try to find three general themes/subsections (like an extended version of that 5-paragraph essay we wrote in middle school). It makes the paper less messy and also makes sure I’m not covering things that are beyond a reasonable scope.

During this step, you are also searching for your thesis. It won’t be your final version. As you fill in your outline in the next step you may make slight changes. But this is definitely when you start thinking about it.

Step 3: Outline

We’re ready to outline! Once I’ve collected all my different themes and organized all my subsections and paragraphs, it’s time to fill in that outline. I start a new doc just for the outline and take advantage of google doc’s headings function to make a clear document outline.

Here comes the fun part, I read through my research one more time, this time copy and pasting all my research into each section of the outline. The document outline in google docs makes this easy because I can just click on each subheading to get me there (super helpful when you’re dealing with 15+ pages of research).

Here is what it looks like:

Let’s say I need to add something to my outline about labor groups. Boom, labor groups. Also, the typos are really abound here haha

Step 4: Write the Paper

Okay, I get it, easier said than done. BUT! You already have everything set up. Your outline is essentially just a list of your paragraphs and all you have to do is paraphrase, cite, and create a topic sentence. And that’s how you should think about this: you’re essentially transforming bullet points into sentences and adding footnotes.

In high school my English teacher introduced us to Sh*tty First Drafts for creative writing, but honestly the same applies to research papers. Sometimes I’ll even have phrases like “wait no that’s not what I meant but basically...” and when I go back to edit, I realize that what came after “but basically...” is fine! And I keep it. So just start typing.

How do you cite while you write? Because we’re trying to get a constant stream of writing going, inserting proper footnotes after each sentence you type is too bothersome. I usually split screen with my outline and my paper so I just copy and paste a few words from my bullet point into my footnote, like so:

(This is from a different paper about cluster munitions.)

Step 5: Edit the Paper

I work best when I print out my first draft and make all edits in red pen. I feel more productive and can visually see where I want to move sentences and what I need to change. The more red there is the better I can feel the paper getting. (Whether or not that’s true doesn’t matter. We’re trying to stay motivated here!) When it’s all digital I don’t really see the progress. Plus, once I finish all the red, I get another moment of passive brain work, where all I’m doing is transferring edits rather than thinking. And at this point in the process, that kind of relief is much welcomed.

The good thing about this process is there’s not usually a need to cut entire paragraphs or pages because the paper you end up with is just a formalized version of your outline. Because you started with such a detailed outline, the cutting and editing now is just to refine your word choices and get rid of the “but basically”s. You’re almost there!

Step 6: Replace your citations

Now it’s time to go back and replace your footnotes with actual citations. Zotero makes this easy because in Word you can just insert and add the page number, and it’ll automatically do “Ibid.” for you when needed. Ctrl+f in the original research doc to quickly find the source.

Step 7: One More Read-Through and Submit!

Congratulations!! You’ve got a fully-researched and well-backed paper! Of course, even though the process is straightforward, it’s still a lot of work. In ideal situations I would start researching two weeks before the deadline, but if need be, I believe I’ve done this all in three miserable panic-filled days as well.

Please message me if you have any questions at all! I really hope some of you find this helpful! Good luck!

#studyblr #college #university #writing #essay #study tips #studytna #original #research #research paper #study #student #school #you can do it!

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bookwyrminspiration · 3 years

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hello! just curious, how do you plot out your stories? (for example, what have you done to plan out the wings au? do you have it all in your head? do you plan it out on paper or in a doc specifically for it? do you just go with the flow? sorry if this is a lot of questions lol i'm just trying to convey my point-)

hello, synonym!! lovely to see you again! I'd love to share my process!

as I explain my personal methods (again, personal, just how I do things!), I'll use the wings au as an example because i know you've read it and it'll just be easier over all. but essentially, yes to all of the above, just with different parts of the story!

my progression is: chaotic doc, background (as needed), basic written plot, expansion on the plot, any other details needed, and then just write things! but don't worry, I'll provide more detail, i say as if i'm capable of being concise

(putting below a readmore for simplicity)

chaotic doc: so, the very first thing I do when i have a story is open up a doc, and write down everything i know about it in little bullet points and rambling sentences, just basic information with no organization. the organizing can come later, right now I just want to get as much of what's in my head onto the paper as possible.

I type out the basic premise of the story or the few things I know about how I want it to go, the things I know I want to remember later, things I'd need to think about to set it up, etc. for the wings au, this was details like everyone's wings (things to remember later), how they got those wings and a sentence or two about what the world was like now (things I needed to think about to set it up), a little blurb about where the story would start. this is less writing details about the story, and more noting down the details I want to figure out later in the expansion. i find it works best to type this out because i'm a much faster typer than I am at physical writing, which allows me to follow the flow of my thoughts a lot better and go back and change things.

background: background prepares me for the next step, but the amount of effort I put into this section depends on how complex my story is. it basically means write down (we've moved to pencil and paper now, but this could be digital too if you prefer) anything you need to know in order to set up the rest of your story. what do you need to know in order to tell the story you need to and to get you where you want to be? for the wings au, the background was that the world had been overrun with monsters and everyone was living underground now. the neverseen had been defeated, or so they thought, coming back later. all these things that essentially prepared me to get to the plot. it told me where the story was happening and the emotional/physical environment everything else would happen under. if you have a more worldbuilding heavy world, this step might be a little more complex, or if there's something very specific with the characters you need as context beforehand.

sometimes the readers will be aware of pieces of the background, and it's even necessary for them to know--for example, you all knowing the elven world is in the middle of a monster apocalypse and living underground; if you didn't know, the rest of the story wouldn't make any sense. but there may be things you write down that are just for you to know, personal notes. for example, I have notes written about how the monsters came to be, more specifically, that you all haven't been made aware of and may never be. planning this out is for you, so if there's something you want to remind yourself to keep in mind while writing, this could be a good place. but now that we know the world we're writing in, we can move on

basic plot: for me, I struggle to figure out where to take a story, and if I don't have the basic concept laid out before I start writing, I ended up with really weird stories that completely deviate from what i wanted (I say this from experience). so I break it down into the bare essentials. literally as basic as I can be. there are five crucial parts of a plot: exposition, rising action, climax, falling action, and resolution. just those five. for each of those, i write--writing, because it takes more time (allows me to think) and feels more organized to me, but you can do it differently--just the general idea I have for each section. just as few words as possible. detail comes later. for the wings au I literally wrote "they get wings" for rising action. having read the wings au, you know just how simplified that is.

one things that might help is consider how you would explain this idea to someone in one or two sentences. you just want to make sure you have a beginning, middle, end, and the transition between them. from there you've got the skeleton of your story, and everything else can fit itself into this idea.

expansion: now that you have the skeleton, it's time to fill in some of the more essential anatomy. this is where you add the specifics. for me, i write this physically in bullet points in a journal of some kind. I take the first section, and write down how the story is going to start. where am I going to begin this journey. for the wings au I wrote "beginning: sneaking into breeding facility to destroy monsters. problem: caught/monster breaks loose." if you remember this is essentially the events of the first chapter but in two sentences. I'm giving enough detail that I know what I'm going to write, but not so much it's going to be stifling to follow my exact notes when I actually get to writing. this will be different for different people, so you may want more or less detail than I provided, I'm just giving an example of how I did it.

I continue this for the rest of the plot, but that doesn't mean every single little detail that will ever happen is planned out. I'm not patient enough to be super thorough with every little thing, so I go long enough until I have a solid understanding of what I'm going to start with when I'm writing, or just until I'm bored and can't deal with planning anymore. for me, that meant I was more detailed when planning from the mission in the facility to them getting to the abandoned gnomish village, as those would be some of the first things I would be writing about. after that, I got more vague and just touched on some of the key part of each of those five sections. I take those two/three words and turn them into two/three bullet points. I also didn't want to be too specific with the later details, because I knew i'd be influenced by things as I wrote and would be inspired to fill that out.

any other details: this is kind of any afterthoughts you might have or details you need to keep i mind that aren't necessarily plot. you may have a lot of these, or you may have none. for me, this was where I wrote down what kinds of wings and other animalistic traits each of the characters had (yes, I wrote them down again). it's not strictly plot, but it does affect the rest of the story. this is also where I write anything I forgot to when going through the first time, and then i can draw a little arrow pointing towards where it fits in to the rest of the story or is relevant (which is part of why I like the writing aspect, but this is entirely achievable on a doc). another example from the au is me writing "domestic" to the side and pointing it back to my notes about the gnomish village, because while it wasn't essential to moving the plot forward, i wanted to touch on some aspects of domestic live with the ten of them while they were there.

just write things: now that you have all this planning done (good job, you!) you can get into the writing aspect. you've already decided your beginning and know where you want to go, so this is the part where you just starting putting words on the page. it can be pretty daunting to just look at a blank page, so if you'd like, start a paragraph in. skip the first paragraph and just start in the middle of something else--you can add back what's missing later. I personally note things that I want to come back to inside [brackets like this], and that can be words, sentences, entire paragraphs. i use the square ones specifically because I don't use them in my writing unlike (these parentheses), and then I can search the document for them all at once and see all the places I need to go back.

this is also where the "just in my head" and "make it up as I go" part comes into place. you have a pretty good idea of what you're doing, but you're going to have ideas as you write, so sometimes you just follow the flow of your brain and write things you could've never even planned for. and if you're interacting with others as you're going (like I'm talking about theories with you all while writing future chapters) then you may be inspired by them to add things to the story. originally, I wasn't going to even have any messages from Bronte or Oralie, but now because I saw what some of the people reading it were picking up on, I realized the potential there and added them in on a whim

and sometimes when you get stuck, the best way to get yourself out of that is to just add something random, which can spiral off and affect the rest of the story. I've said it before, but the dragons were not planned. I'd actually seen a piece of writing advice months ago that if you're stuck, change the weather. so I was stuck and made a sudden rainstorm, but then I needed an explanation as to how things got so wet so fast because I'd mentioned clear skies earlier. so in my attempt to explain it, dragons came to exist. writing is a process, so don't limit yourself to everything you've written. you'll be inspired along the way, so try to take it in stride.

one final note: as much as you plan, this is not going to be a definite map for how the story will go. maybe something makes sense as you're planning it out, but when you get to actually writing it makes no sense as all and you need to change things. that's fine! this kind of a plan is just to get you prepared and keep you afloat amongst this ocean of words trapped in your head that you want to transcribe. if something isn't working, change it! in my original written plan for the wings au they weren't going to run away for a few weeks, instead sneaking out for an hour or two at a time over those few weeks because they couldn't stand being underground anymore, until Linh was actually the first one to make contact with a creature and realize it didn't immediately want to kill her. but because she's not the narrator of this story, I couldn't write it the way i wanted, so I gave that to sophie in the tree.

this is just my approach to my more complicated stories! for some of the really quick ones, I just open a doc and start going. this kind of thinking keeps me organized so that I'm doing the idea the most justice. but just because it works for me doesn't mean it'll work for everyone. if it does work for you, great! but if there are parts you need to modify for yourself, you are more than encouraged to do so. personally, if I could only chose one part of this process to rely on, it would be the basic plot. that's the key to everything for me, but for others it might be something different.

I hope this helps with whatever it is you're writing!! I wish you luck and look forward to seeing whatever it is (should you chose to share it, no pressure)!! if you'd like more of my process on how I write it consistently and update on a schedule, I'd be more than happy to talk about that too!

#all of this took up about three pages in a 4.25 by 8.25 dotted journal #but I have very small handwriting so keep that in mind #also you might just be more/less detailed then i am!#this is just the framework I use #so use it if it helps!#this is also usually spread out over multiple days so I can think about the idea in between #and also because i don't want to do this much work all at once #I get distracted #but i did have a very specific approach when writing the wings au #so I'm very excited to get to talk about it!#i have written several other stories without planning and they always end up veering off into random things #like 'what happened. to the original plot. of the movie??' vibes #ah seli (an oc whose name I might change yet again)...I did you so dirty...#kotlc wings au #writing #writing advice #story planning #quil's queries #synonymroll648 #writing tips

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maschotch · 3 years

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the stranger for hotch reid and derek

the stranger: has your character ever thought they knew someone, and then found out they were completely wrong about them? have they ever felt betrayed?

oh my god i was typing up my response to this ask in the notes app of my phone while making dinner.. got to my laptop all excited to answer ur ask and i realized u didnt just ask for hotch aksdgljd so they uh. got kinda long. i felt bad if hotchs was like 5 paragraphs and everyone else got two sentences but i think i overdid it

its all getting a little much, may have to put this under a read more

hotch:

a full on betrayal? no. if only because he’s skeptical, good at reading people, and doesnt give his trust easily. between those three things, he’s avoided being completely blindsided by someone other than my love and human remains college fic i’ll never write. but he’s been lied to, and he realized he may have trusted someone more than he should have.

emily obviously comes to mind. she’s been lying to him—to all of them—since the day she stepped into his office. there was an entire part of her life that she kept secret. she’d been places, done things, knew people he never would've expected. but it wasn’t quite a full on betrayal, because his trust in her was never broken.

sure he was angry about her deception. of course he was, they all were. but i firmly believe that what went on between them “in name and blood” cemented their trust in each other. nothing was going to change that, not even keeping an entire world hidden. whatever happened, whatever was going on, there had to be a reason. he never lost faith in the person he knew she was. he knows she would do anything to protect the team, and so he tries to do everything to protect her.

ok this one may not necessarily be a betrayal, but it definitely had hotch questioning himself and who he’s chosen to follow. gideon trying to alleviate his guilt by attempting to justify his rash decisions that ended with elle getting shot was something that seemed to take hotch by surprise. he had to reassess the man he’d spent the last decade looking up to.

out of all the former bau members, gideon was somehow the chillest and, even though he certainly had his quirks, he earned everyone’s respect with his unparalleled profiling skills and keen insight into the human mind. hotch held gideon in high esteem. we see him in season one bending over backwards trying to protect gideon, defending him with a ferocity that we don’t often see in hotch. he saw him as a sort of father figure—less so than reid, but hotch had been with gideon far longer. he looked up to him. and when elle gets shot and the only thing he can think of is trying to excuse himself from any blame, hotch was hit with the brunt of reality: gideon’s flaws ran deeper than hotch had imagined.

we know how personally hotch takes it when one of the team gets hurt and how he holds himself accountable for anything bad that happens to them, even when its not his fault. he values responsibility. hotch has only been unit chief for a short while and, even though he’d undoubtedly been handling many unit chief tasks on gideon’s behalf, he’s still new at being a leader. he’s figuring out his style and the principles he intends to uphold as the head of the team. i think witnessing gideon manuevering around any culpability for elle’s trauma and hotch’s personal mentality of the obligation he has to others, solidifies in hotch’s mind the importance of accountability. he looked at gideon and said this isn’t who i want to be as a leader. its the first time he’s had to disagree with gideon on a fundamental level, and it catches him off guard. the man he loved may not be a good man.

morgan:

emily’s past resurfacing hit morgan the hardest. he’s far less trusting than hotch (which is saying something), so anytime he does decide to let someone into the fold, it means a lot. he allows himself to be vulnerable around very very few people: not even everyone on the team—probably not anyone outside the team either. so to discover that he’s been lied to the whole time is damn near apocalyptic.

we see him wrestle with that in "lauren" and we see him struggle with coming to terms with his anger after her death. in their final moments, he holds her hands and tells her that she’s his partner and how much she means to him—that’s not something that just goes away. especially when the reason she did all of this was something that’s so in character for her.. even though she lied to them, she was protecting a child. and when her past resurfaces, she lies to protect them. it’s so emily prentiss that he questions if he has to doubt her at all.

he barely processes all of this as she’s dying in his arms and when she comes back, its the same thing all over again. she’d lied. morgan still loves her and trusts her with some things, but he’s not as open as he once was. he can’t. after a betrayal like that, it affirms his skepticism, even if it’s not as black and white as he may think. he doesnt blame her for it. he understands why she had to do it. but that unease stays with him and never quite leaves.

morgan probably felt more betrayed by hotch when emily returns. a man he’s trusted for at least eight years. a man he’s looked up to, respected, confided in. probably the only one morgan trusted more than emily was hotch, so losing two of them at once… he’s too tired for anger. because there are reasons and justifications and layers to their decision—and it clearly wasn’t one either of them took lightly—it makes everything convoluted in a way that he doesn’t want to bother untangling. he’s quicker to reestablish trust with hotch (he's not the one who's been lying to him from day one) but it cut the deepest because it came from someone he least suspected.

morgan doesn’t trust readily. in general he’s not easily fooled and his careful guard he maintains around others keeps him from the betrayals he anticipates. he’s quick to make judgements of people. even though they’re rarely wrong—he is a profiler after all—he’s surprised when he realizes they’re not who he thought they were. ultimately he’s too cautious to allow for genuine betrayals, which is why hes so wounded when it happens anyway.

spencer:

reid.. for lack of a better word… is rather petulant. he got so used to being mocked and ridiculed by others when he was a kid, and joined the bau so soon after it all, that he carries that suspicion with him in the initial seasons. but he’s also a hopeful, almost naive, kind of guy. he wants to have faith in others, which is why he’s so quick to snap at someone who he feels has wronged him. thinking specifically of “the popular kids” where he accuses derek of betraying him by telling hotch and gideon about what he’s going through. he’s so used to humiliation that he hasn’t figured out that there’s a distinction between humiliating someone for the sake of it and doing something painful because its best for somebody. he’s so used to being demeaned by his peers that he hasn’t yet discovered that there’s a difference between being humiliated by malicious bullies and feeling humiliated by someone trying to do what’s best for you. essentially, he’s felt many betrayals, even if thats not the reality of the situation.

by season 5 he’s shaken off a lot of that immaturity. he may still grumble about being pushed to grow in ways that would be inevitably uncomfortable, but overall he has a better sense of genuine betrayals. he’s not as easily offended. he’s more willing to open up to others—certain people about certain things, knowing how likely they are to just listen and talk him through it or get the others involved—and that settles him down.

the issue is that when he trusts, he trusts completely. again, his optimistic nature leads him to only pay attention to the traits he admires and ignore their flaws (its not like garcia where she actively tries to focus on the good in everyone). put simply: when he trusts someone, he lets his guard down. like all the way down.

reid wasn’t as bothered as emily’s secrets as the others. but his faith in jj was clearly shaken. it just didnt occur to him that she would do something like that because he hadn’t even considered it before.

i think its more interesting that reid believes he betrayed his mother by putting her in a hospital. diana accuses him of betrayal and he takes it to heart. he does feel guilty for sending her away—so much so that it takes him years to comfortably visit regularly. its something that needed to be done; she needed help and care that a hospital provides, even if she’s initially reluctant. ultimately its for her benefit. but for a long time he was scared he would have to face her resentment. his initial misconception of betrayals was probably fueled by this. and even though he’s a genius, there are still things that he has trouble learning.

#the way that this all ended up being about emily #true idiot disease moment from yours truly ;)#asks #aaron hotchner #derek morgan #spencer reid #god im like. tired after typing all that kajsdhlgsj #yall should see what these responses look like before i edit and cut half the paragraphs out

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