#i want this twink OBLITERATED from existence i want him to have never existed so that i never was abnormal

[thanonymousotp]

you ever hate being neurodivergent so much u wish ur hyperfixation never existed because HOO boy dandy yeehaw yippee lamao

[yesloulou]

Totally agree re: your last mclaren post. They could have had a legitimate cross-media star with Daniel and instead they’ve got an unlikeable little pr-nightmare twink with no brain-to-mouth filter and Oscar (lol love ya Oscar but he dgaf to do all their promo).

Even if the car was still terrible, if they’d worked enough with Danny to get it to a point where it was easier for him to drive (mind you he still dragged that shitbox to their first win in a decade), they could have also leaned more heavily into his personality/marketability to make up the gap. Even Renault, for all their faults, knew what they had with Daniel and were ready to dismantle the whole team and rebuild it around Danny - they just didn’t have the time/money to do it.

In short, mclaren once again display their absolute loser-mentality

i mean id love to jump on the mclaren slander train any day of the week but first of all you have to give it to them for promoting themselves with daniel's popularity but at the same time keeping a distance from his persona/brand so when they threw daniel under the bus they were able to detach and cut ties just like that. pretty much came out unscathed. i think mclaren was way more comfortable with lando being their poster child for this reason

from what i know about the mclaren cars, they were just not a fit for daniel's driving style at all. and while it's true good drivers should be able to adapt, the mclarens were one of the most temperamental. to make their car balanced enough for both daniel and lando, mclaren would've needed to make a lot of progress with car development, something they never had the $$$ for. with their automobile sales targeting a market exremely susceptible to economic setbacks, mclaren's finance took a BIG hit due to covid, right before daniel came aboard. in fact the reason they suddenly became so much faster mid way thru 2023 is bc right now they're financially solvent for the first time in years.

looking back i think it was just a very stupid decision for mclaren to sign a very expensive daniel when they didn't even have enough money for daily operations, let alone making cars that could meet daniel's needs. and then it was just plain hateful that since they didn't want to admit to their incompetence, they tried to gaslight daniel into thinking it was all his fault (he ended up really thinking that despite obliterating his driving style to work with mclaren).

obviously i think daniel's team was also to blame for entering the partnership but a) back in 2020 he didn't know whether renault f1 would still exist so he kinda had to jump ship and b) knowing zak brown and mclaren's corporate ways i think some empty promises were definitely made.

[green-t-ea]

V2 QUESTIONS?? CAN DO, CAPTAIN

PLEASE PLEASE TELL ABOUT WHAT'S UP WITH V1 HAVING THE WHIPLASH. HOW DID THE CLAIR DE LUNE FIGHT GO. DID THEY KISS IMMEDIATELY OR DID IT TAKE UNTIL GREED OR LATER

Okay so! So!

You've seen in my art that sometimes v1 has the whiplash, sometimes the knuckleblaster, and sometimes V2 has the knuckleblaster or whiplash, ect! The reasoning is kinda multi-layered

Robots have a different morality to humans angels ect. They have been built to be torn apart and to put themselves back together without a moments notice. The machines don't actually care if they have lost parts or not, the goal is simply survival.

V1 stole v2's knuckle blaster after the clair de lune fight, V2 is not vengeful because of this surprisingly, it's normal to try and collect tools weapons and parts that will make survival easier, so V2 dosent hold a grudge that v1 took his arm, v1 beat him, then took the greatest weapon he could from him. BUT because of how V2 is designed the knuckleblaster is incredibly important for how he is built to fight. So V2 builds the whiplash arm to compensate and goes chasing after v1 to try and get it back.

Yet there is no true malice because of this. Robots don't hold grudges, so swapping parts like that is actually very common place.

Now after V2 is defeated in greed v1 most likely takes the whiplash as well, (V2 survives the greed fight in my little version of events because I say so) by the time V2 catches up to V1 in heresy however v1 has an enormous arsenal of weapons. In fact v1 has to many to juggle at this point, between the 3 arms and the pistol, shotgun, railgun, rocket launcher, nail gun, and all of the alternates of these guns he has way to many different options that are slowing him down. (And by this point both bots have kind of realized they would much rather work together then fight one another because each time they fight they get much closer to death). V1 decides to give V2 the knuckleblaster back, and from then on the two frequently trade arms around (except V2 refuses to use v1's arm because it's much much to small on him and he sucks at parrying) hence V2 sometimes having 1 or 2 right arms interchangeably

Okay for your other questions now even if I did sort of give some of it away already

The clair de lune fight was an absolute shit show. Up until this point v1 and V2 haven't interacted much, they knew the other existed (V2 was trained off footage of v1, and was compared to it very frequently, while v1 has never before seen V2 but did know another v model was in testing before the fall of man). So V2 was already in a position of rivalry with v1 from the get go, while v1 had no fucking idea who V2 was and why it looked the same as him. As v1 does his first reaction to seeing a robot burst through a window was immediately to go "I want that Twink obliterated" and to try and kill V2.

V1 ends up beating the shit out of V2 until he drops his arm in defeat and runs away.

Unfortunately these 2 gay robots did not kiss right away, after the clair de lune fight V2 did very quickly realize he enjoyed getting his ass kicked by V1, decided he needed to get his arm back but also that he wouldn't mind brawling with v1 again. (V2 is very very gay) while v1 was to busy kicking Gabe's ass and getting his ass kicked in return to think about V2. During Greed is the point where v1 kind of realizes that V2 is low-key flirting with him. V1 is a little busy still trying to figure out how to flirt with Gabe. And by the time of the heresy fight V2 and v1 are kind of sort of together and definitely in love even if they haven't so much discussed it, and both of them are simultaneously trying to flirt with Gabe. Both of them are the others wing man.

[msfbgraves]

There was a post on Reddit at least a year ago where a user started a thread about KK3. Made a lot of good points, but then they got annihilated by other users when they said that Terry seemed very into Daniel, and a lot of their scenes felt like grooming and strongly sexual. It got worse when they brought up CK, and mentioned that they felt that Terry is still obsessed with Daniel because he was the one that got away, and it was more than just a one sided fling. Of course they mentioned the sauna scene and the palpable sexual intimidation. The thread got locked because other users were outraged, haha. But like, everything they said was spot on lol. Reddit just is too red blooded for that type of talk. Oh well.

I find it very telling that it was a review of TKK3 by two very openly gay men that remarked upon the sex appeal at the time, where straight men keep sublimating any vibes they pick up on as rage to this day. "We want that twink obliterated!!" (Trust me, so does Terry. 😈) I don't know whether that is because they have never been the object of men's desire, or that it is in fact their worst fear (men hate, hate, hate being pursued, at least in media), anyway it is culturally not done. It Is Not Allowed To Happen To Young Men So When We See It Right In Front Of Us We Ignore It. Look they will pursue other, pretty, men in A Straight Way, but we don't emphatise with him and when we do, that can only be as a tale of Monstrous Abuse. And not whatever is going on here because while Daniel is clearly being taken advantage of, absolutely, he's into Terry too. Which Terry then exploited in a truly horrendous way, but not without enjoying copping any feel from Daniel he could. So many men will straight up ignore that rather than engage with it!

In that other part of Ralph I'm obsessed with, Teddy Cuba, I can't help but notice that none of the male reviewers, save one, even commented on the incestuous undertones, and that in an Italian remake, on both stage and screen, they cut lines that veered too much into that direction. A boy as an object of twisted love and lust that in his confusion goes with the older man's suggestions? Gets seduced? Maybe? Because teenager and what are hormones anyway? Daniel having an Awakening while reacting to Terry's grooming of him? Because you can't groom anyone when there isn't at least some bond and that is precisely what makes this so incredibly painful and abusive? Yeah no that only happens to women and then they're asking for it by existing.

Except it doesn't. It happens to boys too.

I for one find it rather comforting that Terry fell for Daniel too without realising it. CK shows he perfectly capable of bonding with a teenage boy without flirting with him. But Daniel he's all over. And he's still all over him once the secret is long out. I'd rather take a love that went completely off the rails than pure exploitation. Or maybe that kind of exploitation isn't even possible without some form of love? Anyway, CK takes away all doubt that there is something between them, and apparently not every person on Reddit has drunk the kool aid.

[ben-the-hyena]

For the headcanon thing, how about the Devil and/or King Dice. I’d prefer the show continuity (that’s the one I’m most familiar with), but it’s totally up to you!

Ho ho ho ! Well y'know what ? I'm feeling generous so Imma do all 4 !

First, cartoon!Devil !

Headcanon A:  realistic

Even if in that continuity he mainly steals souls through unsuspecting victims, he still is willing to do soul contracts through deals to people in need and desperate enough to do so, like in the game. A soul is a soul, tormenting innocents for fun for all eternity because they didn't see no way out at the time is worth any way. Until they die, they are bound to serve him whenever he wants to

Headcanon B: while it may not be realistic it is hilarious

He is OBVIOUSLY gay at least in this continuity. A bratty pillow princess. A twink demanding to be obliterated. He's been flirty and fucked throughout all these millenia whenever he met a guy he had an interest in, using all his charms, shape shifting and disguising himself if needed not to scare them or to look hot to them

Headcanon C: heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends

He used to be an archangel who fell from Heaven after he rebelled when mortals were created. Religion in this universe may not be the same as ours, you more or less know what it's about. And how crushed he got about the ordeal as well as his lost wings and angelic looks, sorrow then replaced with anger and hatred towards humanity which he learned to have fun with as a constant tormenting revenge for millions of years now

Headcanon D: unrealistic, but I will disregard canon about it because I reject canon reality and substitute my own.

I already said it several times, but he and Dice actually keep divorcing and marrying over and over again. They met in that continuity during the mid 1920's and fell in love a few years later around the time he started to work with him and not just be a simple soul contract anymore, and no matter how he loves him he still is the fucking Devil so he is not the healthiest (and it's mutual) as well as not used to this (in millions of years of existence he NEVER had been love and never expected it to happen, especially towards a mortal) so he is not the best to cope with anger in addition to his own dramaqueen-ness. So they keep marrying and divorcing so much they even learnt to prepare divorce papers in advance and have a fulltime lawyer for that, and whenever they remarry it has to be fast so they rush to Las Vegas to be married in one go. They act dramatic like it is the end everytime and then regret it and are miserable about it especially the one who got dumped (in-show example, Dice after Devil broke up fpr the Cuphead fiasco ; poor guy intended to make the marriage last longer this time, hence his initial boasting and eagerness)

Then, cartoon!King Dice

Headcanon A

He was made immortal by the Devil (irrealistic but I precise for context : he was made immortal when they married the very first time, because the Devil would never accept him dying no matter how many times they are dramatic and break up)

Headcanon B

No matter how immortal he is, he still got through a premature fading of his pip colors just when he stopped aging (around his late 20's) which is the equivalent of balding in humans. He is VERY self conscious to be like this forever and hides it with make up as we saw

Headcanon C

He met the Devil by selling his soul to him. The reason ? He is trans, knew it since age 9, with a big case of body dysphoria because unfortunately for him no matter how he felt like a man his curvy boxom body at the time and his feminine voice (basically Alana Bridgewater's natural voice) said the contrary. He had gone through a lot of depressive episodes and bullying (as well as sexual harrassment because he was "one hell of a piece o' woman") during all his life no matter how he tried to conceal his body or bind his chest or mumble to conceal his voice, and couldn't take it anymore and didn't dare to become somebody, like a showman, if he didn't feel good in his own shoes. The soul contract gave him a man body and a masculine voice at last and made him extremely confident and flamboyant at last

Headcanon D

I already said I headcanon they are married and keep divorcing and remarrying (sometimes by the Devil, as we see in the show when he fires him and Dice looks more heart broken than scared, but they actually are times when it's Dice and the Devil is a crying mess ; but by the end of the week they always return to each other and despite that they act like it is the very end every time), so here is another specially for him. He's known the Devil since he was 23, inspired from Cab Calloway's age during his glory and how young he looks on one of his portraits in his room, when he sold his soul. But it started as a honorary servant like all others. Roll the Dice (and the picture) started a bit later when he became his Number One, when they became lovers and his soul contract got nulled so he had to be useful other ways

After that, game!Devil

Headcanon A

His Devil Casino is very old, existing since the late 1630's. In addition, he also owns 6 other businesses across the world made to tempt sinners of all kind fitting the Seven Sins to tempt mortals and occasionnally steal their souls like he did with Cuphead and Mugman. That casino is for Greed, he has somewhere else a brothel which is for Lust with Succubi and Incubi employees, a hotel for Sloth where times flies way too quickly a la Interstellar so you stay trapped without knowing and without being searched, a restaurant with an all-you-can-eat buffet for Gluttony in which you are tempted to stay and ruin yourself both by spending money and stuffing yourself which is dangerous for your health etc

Headcanon B

Just like his cartoon counterpart which I didn't precise because I wanted to talk about his twink energy and since unlike him he is not a bottom gay in this continuity but a switch bi/pan, he has several names and nicknames who all are as valid as each other. The Devil was technically a nickname he loved so much for creating fear around itself he made it his "official" new one, and technically counts it as his last name for administrative stuff, using his other names he had before as first and middle names (making it a very long name so "The Devil" is good for everyday)

Headcanon C

Same as for his cartoon counterpart, he was a fallen archangel who took that tragedy very hard and got blinded with rage towards humanity. The difference here is as well as as anger issues that event also made him always determined to prove himself as tough to everyone anytimr which is very anxiety-ducing so anything not going his way has him cry blood tears. As a contrast, he had a lot more self control as an angel, so that event scarred his ego more than he wants to admit

Headcanon D

Like for the cartoon continuity, he is married to King Dice. But unlike the cartoon continuity, despite the rare occasional lack of healthy business like calling him a good for nothing lackey or hurting him if he loses his cool (which he always fixes by healing and profusely crying and apologizing ; he IS Satan, guys), they are very solid, conniving and close and have never divorced, and have known each other longer, so they have been married for 110 years since 1826 since I HC the first game takes place in 1936

And last but not least, game!King Dice

Headcanon A

There too he was made immortal by the Devil (there too for marriage in the context) but also was given powerful powers from him as well (which cartoon!Devil didn't because he wanted to remain in control of everything), which manifest through these green eyes he didn't have before this gift, they become green whenever he uses them, is about to use them or just gets threatening. He can grow gigantic, shrink people, teleport himself, make portals that bring him from location A to location B, make things levitate, create and summon as many living cards he can from his hands and can give sentience to his dancing hands, just to quote a few

Headcanon B

After the game, he was so mad at Devil for having called him a good for nothing lackey he forced him to sleep on the couch and didn't have sex with him for 2 months straight, ignoring him for any matter that had nothing to do with business. It took Devil a hella lot begging and crying and flirting and promising and apologizing to finally forgive him

Headcanon C

Same as for his cartoon counterpart, he made a deal with the Devil to finally have a man body (but because he didn't precise in that continuity and the Devil is tricky, he kept his voice, which in this continuity is the one we hear in-game voiced by Alana Bridgewater, which the Devil found very deep for a girl anyway so it could pass) because he is trans and felt extremely dysphoric with how curvatious and unmasculine he looked. It was only then that he became confident and flamboyant, realized that on the contrary instead of hiding he loved to put a show on himself, and realized that his voice could finally pass as a man's and was no longer afraid to sing in public, after having hated the Devil for a while for having let him with it

Headcanon D

Same for the Devil, he is married and in love with no divorce so I won't repeat myself on that. Instead, he made his soul contract with the Devil at age 23, in the late 1810's. Only, being craftier and more confident than his cartoon counterpart, once he got what he wanted, he stole the contract and managed to trick the Devil into burning it with hellfire, freeing his soul. Furious, the latter doomed him to work for him for all his life, like he does for anyone tricking him with their souls (my HC for the Casino bosses) and brought him to his casino which was the closest point. Dice started as a croupier, then as a performer, then by the time they married became the manager

[stronghours]

2021/2022 LibraryZone

the review of the annual reading list has been part of my end-of-year housekeeping since attending fake grad school. as with sex matters, I have been met with huge successes and squalid failures year to year

my original 2021 reading goal was a lofty 100. In a vast oversight of timing, I also picked this year to make my sexual debut and was often called away by dear friends, and my own noble spirit, to thrill the ladies. as you can see below, god doesn't give with both hands

2021 Completed Reading List:

Crisis Zone – Simon Hanselmann

All Creatures Great and Small – James Herriot

Chilly Scenes of Winter – Ann Beattie

Cheri – Colette

The Last of Cheri - Colette

The Cannibal – John Hawkes

A Little Life – Hanya Yanagihara

Cleanness – Garth Greenwell

Call Me Ishmael – Charles Olson

Darryl – Jackie Ess

My Loose Thread – Dennis Cooper

The Sluts – Dennis Cooper

Castle Faggot – Derek McCormack

The American Dreams – Two Screenplays – Philip Ridley

Nightmare Abbey – Thomas Love Peacock

The Sweet Science – A.J. Liebling

Cows – Matthew Stokoe

Evelina – Frances Burney

Manual for Cleaning Women – Lucia Berlin

Girl’s Against God – Jenny Hval

Les Liaisons dangereuses - Pierre Choderlos de Laclos

my ignorant findings:

Darryl is a top contender, possible the most loveable contemporary book I've ever read

Garth Greenwell is the most overwrought disappointment of a contemporary gay writer that I've ever had the misfortune to experience. I stop short of accusing him of being disingenuous because...

...A Little Life is truly a god-example of disingenuity in fiction. a freakshow of insincerity. a place/time novel completely unmoored from time and place. I've never seen anything like it and the world is worse for it existing

I should have started reading Dennis Cooper years ago. The Sluts really bolstered my only true fetish, which is reading about individuals falling apart physically and mentally as they fail to build and then fail to repair the illusion of an impossible, ultimately nonexistent fantasy (the consequences are terminal)

Les Liaisons dangereuses - that's france, babye!!

In retrospect, I should have read Cows and All Creatures Great and Small back to back, as they're both often about men sticking their appendages into bovines. a lesson in context

Of 2022

without goals, I would sit on a cool rock and marinate like a snail. so I hold myself to standards. I can't discipline others if I can't discipline myself.

the list of 2022 has already careened into the 100s, so in lieu of that, some highlights that I'm most looking forward to:

The Sea of Fertility (tetralogy of novels by Yukio Mishima)

a big pile of Colette, especially Gigi & Claudine

can I read all the Dennis Cooper in existence? we'll see!

Thomas Mann: Diaries 1918-1939, + The Magic Mountain

at least a triptych of Flaubert, that big old bitch

Ingeborg Bachmann/Paul Celan: Correspondence - I read Malina for 2020 and was totally stymied at all points of entry. I need whatever insight I can get into Bachmann

Authors who I could not get ahold of in 2021 for various reasons: B.R. Yeager, Gary Shipley, Steve Dunn, Christopher Chitty, Matt Lee, Maggie Siebert, blah blah blah

The Lonely Lady and Endless Love - started up a late-year interest in salacious 70s pop sex novels that inspired some affectionately awful 80s movies

The Blind Owl – Sadegh Hedayat

The Family Mashber – Der Nister

Against Nature – Joris-Karl Huysmans

The Underwater Welder - Jeff Lemire

When the Monster Comes out of the Closet – L. Steinhorst (I would love a physical copy but paperbacks run into $200 - challenges!)

Proust: I Want That Twink Obliterated

multiple Barry Hannah collections I have lying around

multiple Melville/Moby Dick criticisms I have lying around

multiple Everything Else I have lying around

last year, around this time, I was finishing Flaubert's letters from 1857-1880 and found, not a new years eve letter, but a summer letter to Maupassant which I interpreted for myself as a letter for the new year. Flaubert, that old cunt, along with ordering Maupassant to stop fucking so much and compassionately acknowledging that he is "living in an inferno of shit", counsels:

But from five in the evening to ten in the morning all your time can be devoted to the muse, who is still the best bitch of all.

am I going to do exactly that? no. I'm a monk, not a hedonist, but no. and yet! goals might go out of fashion, but maybe everybody should take some time out and locate their Best Bitch of 2022.

so, here's to 100s of books 2022, one of many fulfilled bitches to come. unless I actually do get my hands on a sjambok, in which case, all best are off.

[creativegodtiers]

Prompt Response: Upstart/Exodus Scenario

(apologies for the troll quirks 😔) “yo,” Virave, the Knight, said, lying sideways across their chair. “there’-S a lil -Situation -Stirrin up” “Yes, I Gathered bY the fact You’d called us all into the Situation Room,” Evelit, known to the mortals as the Mage, said with a raise of her eyebrow. “be nIce!!” Lilith, the Sylph, admonished, before turning back to her moirail. “what’s the matter??” “okey doke, here’s the thing,” the Knight said. With a flick of their hands, a small figure appeared on the table, bearing a smug smile and a toga. Lilith leaned in to inspect the figure. “Caesar?” “no i think that is the chicken man,” Summer, aka the Rogue of Void, said solemnly. “Don’t be ridiculous,” the Mage admonished. “{summer has a p(o)int. he greatly resembles the chicken man,}” Wisria, the Heir of Space, said. “I don’t know who that is,” Evelit mumbled. “haha!! smartie Doesnt know something!!” Summer crowed. “Fuck off.” “can we get back on track?” the Knight demanded. There was silence. “thank-S. thi-S guy claim-S he’-S a ‘better’ god, the ‘true’ one.” They tapped a claw on the table, narrowly missing the little figure. “-So far a-S i can tell, he’-S a de-Scendant of one of u-S who got hopped up on power and ha-S a literal god complex. needle-S-S to -Say, i want thi-S twink obliterated. who want-S to go put the fear of the god-S in hi-S heart with me?” The Rogue, the Sylph, and the Witch (also known as Elmara) immediately raised their hands. “{i d(o)n’t like c(o)nfr(o)ntati(o)n, but if y(o)u need a s(o)lar eclipse, text me,}” the Counter of Stars said with a small smile. Evelit sighed. “This could Go a lot of waYs. If I See You start makinG bad choices, I’ll alert You throuGh the usual method.” “texting “DONT DO IT DUMBASSES” to the group chat,” Virave said with a nod. “got it.” The man—his name has been lost to mortal minds, but we’ll call him Chad, because he was so a Chad—stepped down from his platform. The people adored his message, his speeches were on point as always, and just as he’d thought, those so-called Creators were either not real or too detached to do anything about it. “yo.” Chad glanced over to see four unassuming troll youngsters. He had to stifle a chuckle—three of them had their arms crossed and one was leaning her elbow on another, the very picture of teenage skepticism. Regardless, he would convince them. He was very convincing. “What can I do for you?” he said, putting on his best smile. He’d never been fond of trolls, but more followers were always needed. “A little birdie t+ld me y+u’re playing at g+dh++d,” one said, moving forward. Her red skirt swirled around her feet. Chad idly wondered how she avoided tripping. “I’m not playing, my dear, I am a god. A better god, in tune with the people, not sequestered in my tower all the time like some ‘gods’.” “okay but like heres the thing” one girl said, stepping forward. Chad wondered what caste these trolls were-none of them had a sign, and the dark blue of this girl’s shirt didn’t point to one specific caste. “the gods r literally always out n about u just gotta LOOK DuDe” Chad scoffed. “Don’t be ridiculous. If the gods are so active, why haven’t we seen them in action recently?” “maybe you haven’t,” the jadeblood (you could tell by the scarf) girl muttered. Something clicked in Chad’s head. “Ah. You’re going to try to prove you are the gods.” “well, he caught on...decently fast,” the jadeblood said to her comrades. “so how we gonna play this?” the blue shirted one said. Chad felt a sting of mild irritation that they were ignoring him in favor of keeping up the “gods” facade. “okay, here’-S my idea. i -Shank him, and lilith heal-S the wound,” the one who hadn’t spoken before said. They pulled a knife from their yellow coat and twirled it easily in their hand. Lilith (presumably) gently whacked them on the arm. “don’t be sIlly! we‘re under some sort of oath not to harm mortals, aren’t we?” “no,” the other one grumbled, “but fine, i gue-S-S.” “I c+uld d+ the timey thing,” the one with the red dress suggested. There was a chime and she looked down. “Ah. N+pe. Evelit says bad idea. Damn.” Chad couldn’t deny a stirring of fear in his chest, but he pushed it down. “If you are the gods, then which ones are you?” “fuck yes!!” Lilith cheered. “transformatIon sequence tIme!!” “Yes,” Red Skirt Girl said. “HELL ye-S,” Knife Kid said. “hell fuckin yes” Blue Shirt said. “Can I g+ first?” Red Skirt Girl said. “I’ve been practicing.” Everyone nodded, so she took a breath in and began to twirl. The edges of her skirt flew up, revealing striped green stockings, which quickly became a blue as she spun faster and faster until- A glittery green shoe clicked hard against the pavement and the girl stopped, beaming with pride. Her skirt settled around her, shorter and fluffier now, her sleeves longer and— The Timecrest emblazoned proudly on the front. “The Wild One,” Chad whispered, unable to keep a hint of reverence from his tone. The Goddess of Tune did a very silly bow. “In the flesh.” “me neXt!!” Blue Shirt cried, clapping her hands. She closed her eyes and- Chad couldn’t quite describe it. She seemed to almost fold in on herself, imploding, but before she could implode all the way, she was back, suddenly, fully formed. She was still wearing the oversized blue shirt and black leggings, but now she had fingerless gloves, a domino mask, boots, and most importantly, the Voidcrest on her shirt. “The R-g-e of ——“ Chad said. Or, well, not really said so much as half-choked. The Rogue grinned. “Someone knows their history!” “So you’re-“ Chad turned to the other two. The jadeblood girl simply flicked her hands and the scarf transformed into flowing ribbons, the dress lengthened, and the Lifecrest bloomed into existence, along with several flowers springing up around her feet. “I thInk some people call me the Goddess of UprIsIng, whIch Is great, don’t you thInk?” The one remaining had apparently already changed, into the glowing golden cape and matching shirt and pants of.. “The Speaker of Truths,” Chad said. “Bingo bongo,” the Knight deadpanned. Chad took a deep breath in. No matter. He was still the better god, even alone. He had something they didn’t! “Well, regardless of your flashy transformation sequences, you are out of touch,” Chad declared. “The people have forgotten you, and a new god—a better, friendlier god—is here.” “woooow,” the Rogue drawled. “i cant even...ive seen stupiD, but this is something else.” “can i plea-Se ju-St -Shank him?” the Knight said, twirling their knife. The Sylph gently patted their cheek. “shoooosh.” “can we call in a solar eclipse now?” the Rogue said, but the Witch shook her head. “It w+n’t d+ any g++d. This is a matter +f rhetoric.” “OH!!” the Sylph said suddenly. “I’ve got an Idea!” She turned to Chad. “when’s your next sermon?” Chad checked the time. “A few minutes, actually.” “great! we’re comIng,” the Sylph said, and shoved past him, dragging the Knight along. Chad, confused, followed. When he arrived on stage, a crowd was already gathered, expectant. The gods stood off to one side, leaving the microphone available. Chad stepped up, tapped it a couple times, and told himself his mantra in his head. You are powerful. You are mighty. You are open. You are a god. “Helllooo, my people!” “our people,” a clear, commanding voice cut in. Everyone turned, and when they saw the gods, gasps and whispers broke out. “is it gonna b a rap off” the Rogue stage-whispered to the Knight. “nah,” the Knight said back. “i think i get what -Sylphie’-S plan i-S.” The Sylph started to walk towards the podium, and her friends followed, creating a strange little parade. “um. hello,” the Sylph said into the microphone, and the whispers increased. “thIs man claIms we have abandoned you, that we are out of touch. he lIes. we are among you, always, and not even fIguratIvely. who here has been to a protest recently that turned sour?” A few people raised their hands. The Sylph nodded, pointing at one of them. “you. protest for goldblood psIonIc headache medIcatIon to be legalIzed? there were a bunch of sonIc blasts, but somehow no one got burned. that was me helpIng. best of luck, btw.” “you, the one with the nice jacket,” the Knight said, and the people quieted, because the Speaker of Truths would not lie to them. “i told your mom -She had to get you vaccinated. did -She?” “Y-Yeah,” the kid said, looking shocked and maybe a little overwhelmed at having this attention put on them. “She did.” The Knight nodded, satisfied. “Y+u,” the Witch said, pointing at a young woman. “We fucked +nce. Last week, actually. Call me?” “okay, well, that Isn’t the best example-“ the Sylph said. “we went 2 a rave together!!” the Rogue said, pointing at yet another startled face. “wait, u 2? aw fuck man. i cant believe uve done this.” “-So, we gonna -Smite the-Se dork-S?” the Knight, and the crowd all backed up a bit. Chad, for his part, was eyeing the mic as if weighing the chances of being able to grab it back vs the chances of the Knight “shanking” him. “nah, they’re good,” the Sylph said. “just needed a lIttle remInder of theIr real gods, I thInk.” “sure we shoulDnt try 2 push that reminDer a bit?” the Rogue said hopefully. The Sylph smiled. “Already texting Wisria,” the Witch said. The Rogue stepped forward and raised their hands dramatically. “citizens! in the interest of fairness, we will allow this chaD here 2 give a lil Demo of his talents.” Chad stepped forward, looking like a man who had just seen his own death and was not at all pleased with the indignity of it. “Yes. Ahem...observe!” He pulled an apple from thin air, spun it around with a flourish, and then tapped it, It instantly aged and became a wrinkled and gray mush. “Cute,” the Witch said. The Rogue nodded. “one of urs. alright, y’all got the flashy anD non fatal powers. take it away!” The Sylph seemingly spontaneously grew a pair of jade wings and fluttered over the heads of the crowd. With a hum, she perched on a tree and gestured to the Witch, who sprouted matching wings of her own and joined her. Together, the two managed to age a small tree to the point where it’s shadow fell upon the whole gathering (considerably grown by now), and then to the point where it died. The Sylph then casually regrew all its limbs, and the two leapt down from their now considerably heightened perch. “Alright, our turn,” the Knight said, and right on cue, the sun went out. There were several gasps and a few shrieks, but everyone fell silent when the glowing Crests of the gods appeared in the sky, bright enough almost to replace the sun. Then they faded, the sun reappeared, and the gods took a bow in the style of stage plays. “learned your lesson, dearIe??” the Sylph said to Chad as the Rogue shoved him in front of the mic. Chad looked down at his feet, not meeting the eyes of what had once been his congregation. “I...I am not a god.” “damn right,” the Knight said. “alrighty, peace out y’all.” “stay safe!!” the Sylph cried. “keep an eye out 4 us,” the Rogue said with a wink. “Call me!” the Witch said, pointing again at the young woman in the crowd she had singled out before. And the four ascended away, pleased with a job well done.