#i was just an emotional puddle because ; ___ ; me??? u like me and my stupid little blog??? i'm sobbing

[gasolinerainbowpuddles]

Hey Puddles! Just finished the new installment of Whistle in the Dark and wow wow wow

First of all I am such a S L U T for soft!joel

Second, I was married to man who was physically abusive to me and you really hit this right on the head. The feeling of possessiveness, of a debt owed, of "You won't have anything unless I give it to you" is so spot on it made my stomach hurt a little.

I really appreciate your note at the end. I've never been one to shy away from a scrap, but when my husband was the one throwing blows I was literally frozen to the spot. It's hard for me to wrap my head around why that was my response even 15 years later.

Sorry for the rant, thank you or making me feel seen!

🫶🏻

Hi bb!

Not a rant AT ALL. Thank you so so so so so much for sharing this and your thoughts. I have been sitting with this message in my inbox for a few days now bc I wanted to give myself the time to process it all and respond appropriately.

Whistle in the Dark might be my softest Joel, second only to Feral Woman Joel. His character is so wonderful in all the different aspects of his personality that can be leaned into without going entirely OOC. He's such a rich character, and of course Pedro Pascal brought a whole new wave of inspiration with his interpretation of him.

I'm sorry to hear about your past relationship. I'm happy you're away from that and in a safer place. Unfortunately as you know, those experiences stay with the victim - even if they receive support or therapy or whatnot. Not saying it has to control your life, but it etches itself into the deepest parts of the brain for sure.

Anyone who has been in a situation like that before (or perhaps has seen it secondhand through parents or a friend) knows all too well how you struggle with what you "should do" and what you end up doing in the moment. The secret is, there's no right answer when you're with an abusive person. You will never be perfect because they will never accept anything no matter how hard you try to be "good." It's a lose-lose situation.

I knew I was on the right track when I was writing when my stomach also did that uncomfortable clench and turn. Although it was difficult to write at times, I wanted to give the story the realism and care that the themes call for.

I'd also like to point out that the reader/OC in WitD is a very strong individual. She endured horrific circumstances at the hands of her family before ending up in a survival team situation with Matthew. She works patrols in Jackson and is incredibly capable (I think back to the first installment where Joel had taken the time to help her learn to shoot better, and her marksmanship notably improved with the support). She's resourceful, a quick learner, and reliable, and she still has a good heart despite all the things she's been through.

The note at the end was meant to redirect any upset at the appropriate source (in this case, Matthew). I think it's common for the kneejerk reaction to be "why didn't you run?" or "you should've fought back!" because that's ultimately what we wish for the character or person in this circumstances: a deep desire for them to escape it somehow. Because human emotions are difficult and messy, this often comes out as victim blaming when it's merely the energy being directed in the wrong place. (Of course there are people who do blame victims. I'm not talking about those assholes.)

The concept of "no perfect victim" comes to mind with the third installment. If she freezes or doesn't fight back, she's weak or stupid. If she fights back or tries to get out of it, she's setting herself up for failure because he's bigger/stronger/etc. There's no right answer.

There's no right answer because there never is when you're with an abusive person.

Tysm again for reading, and I feel very strongly that the fourth and final installment will feel quite vindicating for you.

catch ya later, ♥Puddles♥

[134340am]

not to b clingy but i miss my kiri anon :*(

[chironshorseass]

133 for percabeth please :)

Pre-TLO era. I can’t help myself :)) also this was inspired by @posallys post lol hiiii bestie this one’s for u ig <3

writing prompts 

.

"I hope you have a cold shower."

He turned to her, surprised—if only for a few seconds. Then a smile spread across his face, once he caught on to her expression. "A cold shower, huh? You know I can change the temperature, right?"

There was something enchanting about Percy Jackson, she had to admit. Even if she loathed him.

She loathed him, but then again, she could appreciate the little things.

Like how he'd raised himself from the lake waters and into the pier as easily as flicking a wrist, brown skin flashing in the blinking light, muscles contracting. How he'd left a puddle by his feet like a following shadow, and how, despite getting wet in the first place, he was still able to take out the goddamned water from his ears while she was left struggling, tilting her head over and over like a cartoon glitch.

So again. She loathed him. Despised him, even.

"Yes, yes—yippee, you're a son of Poseidon," she said, with little to no enthusiasm. "Now stop staring at me or I will make you regret it."

"You just kinda look like you're having a hard time, is all."

"Wow"—She cocked her head again, this time with more force, and still the water won't fucking go away—"You noticed?"

"Hey, hey. Stop"

He placed his hands on her cheeks, freezing her mid head-tilt. Her entire body froze, more like, if she wanted to sound cliché. They’d been okay for the past week, she supposed, but there was still that question in the air, that doubt about whether he felt the same way about her as she did about him or if it was just her own bias. Her false hope.

“I can take the water out, you know,” he said softly, green eyes earnest and so so beautiful. 

Annabeth wanted to cry. Yes, it was a simple request. Yes, it was only because Percy possessed the unfair ability of hidrokinesis. Of course it was only because of that. It was her fault that she had a tendency to read between the lines. Emotional. Stupid. She would feel his thumb dancing across her cheek, accompanied with that smile on his face, and suddenly her mind would mark him as a boy filled with love and life. With power coursing through his veins, ready to use it for her and only her. But one day, she thought. One day the life and love in him will leave.

She tried not to think of the prophecy. But it always came in the worst of times. 

Quickly, though, she blinked those tears away. Swallowed back her pride. When she nodded, she made it seem as if she was reluctant, as if she were annoyed.

She wasn't.

“Fine,” she sighed. “Take it out. But only because I could have brain-eating amebas in there or something like that.”

“Or if you don’t properly take out the water stuck inside, you could just have a plain-old ear infection.”

“Yes. Or that. Not only I would have to experience a a war, but my ear would hurt for the rest of the summer.”

“Would definitely suck.”

“Although, I still think the brain-eating ameba is worse.”

He shook his head. “What the fuck, Annabeth. I thought we where over this—”

“And I’m still traumatized from what Grover said. Ninety nine percent of the people infected die—”

“Psh. Only if you get infected in the first place. I’m pretty sure you have to swallow or breathe in the water for the ameba to get you, anyway.”

“Oh, goodie,” she said dryly. “I did that plenty as well. All because of you.” 

“Aw, come on, it was funny—”

She pushed him away, and he laughed; it was a booming sound—or maybe it was like a fire, igniting first on his belly only to shoot out from his throat, contagious and free.  

“So,” he said, coming to her again. “You gonna let me help you or what?”

“Maybe.”

His smile grew. “Say please?”

Gods, he would be the end of her.

“...Please.”

Then he added, “And also take back the cold shower threat. That was super rude.”

“Oh, totally. So rude of me, I am so sorry.”

“That’s better.”

And her hearing cleared away—something she hadn’t realized was wrong in the first place—once he that stray water trickled down her ear, warm and obeying to Percy’s will. Maybe being a son of Poseidon had its unfair advantages, but at the very least, those advantages extended to her.

Too bad for the others, though.

[astaroth1357]

The Brothers Dropping Hints to a Remarkably Oblivious MC

I liked this idea and wanted to flesh it out a bit before I bury my head in research for requests. Maybe I'll make a part two later? Who knows.

Intro:

Seven demon brothers, one human. All seven want their attention… So the family agrees to a challenge: Can they get their human to return their affections without actually confessing first? Perhaps… but there's a catch. The MC is denser than a bag of bricks in the love department...

Good luck, boys.

Lucifer

If it weren't for this silly challenge, he'd have considered hiring a sky-writer because he couldn't think of anything more obvious and unavoidable than that…

It honestly astounded him how utterly unaffected the MC seems to be by all of his flirtations. It'd be impressive if it weren't so frustrating.

He could praise their appearance and they'd seemingly forget the compliment.

He could offer them all manner of gifts or meals and they'd think he was just being nice.

He could probably straight up give them a diamond ring and they'd assume it was a late birthday present… 

He was so out of ideas he was considering just ripping off the bandage and asking them directly, brothers be damned, but then that'd be admitting defeat and that’s just not on the table for him.

No, no… He just had to be more patient… Maybe offer them a dance next time? He'll win this challenge yet... maybe…

Mammon

Of course the Great Mammon can get his human to notice his feelings! He's their first man, he knows them more than anybody else! This will be a piece of cake. Right?... right…??

It is not. It is not a piece of cake.

First off, Mammon's already shot himself in the foot because of his tsundere-ness. Turns out when he says, "It's not because I like you!" they actually believe him… 😰

Secondly, he's terrible at expressing his affection in ways that aren't material or possessive...

When he buys them things, they think he's acting sweet and just… pay him back or buy him something in return…

Like, he's not complaining (much) but that's not the point!!

Then when he tries to spend extra time with them they assume it's Mammon being Mammon and not, like, because he's trying to show them how crazy he is about them.

And now he can’t even be honest about his feelings if he wants to because of the damn challenge!! 😫

This seemed like a lost cause for him really… Looks like someone else is going to have to win…

Leviathan

He's been cursing their name to here and back for stealing his heart so thoroughly while still having no idea that they actually had it!!! He'd almost swear they were mocking him but eventually, he genuinely started to think they were just that clueless… 🤦‍♀️

At first he thought that he found a loophole because he could just act out a bunch of obvious anime tropes to not-so-subtly hint at his affections!

...but each time he tried to make a move, he lost his nerve and chickened out at the last minute…

"MC! I just bought some pocky off of Akuzon, do you want to try some?"

"Sure, Levi! 🙂"

"Oh u-uh… Great! H-here you go.. " *hands them the whole box...*

When these efforts failed, he went to plan B, which was again not-so-subtly throwing hints at how special they were to him.

"Hey MC, do you remember that game you were looking at? I got it for us! Come on, let's play together! I'll even let you use my favorite controller!"

"MC, why don't you sit over here? W-wait not that close…! No wait, don’t go!! Urgh!! 😫"

At first he thought it was working until he overheard them talking to Mammon, "Mm? Oh, of course Levi's been so nice to me! We're best friends!"

… Ouch, but not unwarranted. He'd have to try something else or just admit defeat…

Satan

He still truly can't get a good read on them. Are they interested? Just nice? A chronic sufferer of selective blindness?? What does he have to do here???

Satan took a page out of Levi's playbook at first, but replaced anime tropes with what you find in old romance novels.

He was on his best behavior whenever MC was around. Downright gentlemanly, right down to kissing their hand and putting his jacket over puddles for them to walk.

… Unfortunately, Lucifer refused to be outshined by his little brother in the princely courtship department and the two started butting heads (almost literally).

If Satan gave up his jacket for a puddle, then Lucifer would take their hand to "help" them across it. If Satan held a door for them, then Lucifer would hold it too and insist that he go in first. If the MC was cold they suddenly were covered by two coats… It was infuriating!

And you know what's even worse? It was counterproductive.

After a while the MC just thought that it was some kind of game or challenge between him and Lucifer and not him trying to express his actual affections…

Looks like he wasn't going to be winning this either…

Asmodeus 

On one hand, he kind of gets it because he's lovey and feely with everybody but, sweetheart, please take a hint every once in a while…

Asmo comes into the game with both an advantage and disadvantage. He's far more versed in the art of wooing than any of his brothers, but he was so close with them to begin with it's going to take a lot to get the point across…

Confident boi starts inviting them out more, lunch "dates," spa days, shopping sprees, any excuse to be alone with them really hoping they'd get the idea…

...but they didn't. It was just some fun time with Asmo and not any particular special treatment…

His compliments all seemed to bounce off of them too. They never seemed particularly touched and he wouldn't be surprised if they forgot about them within five minutes of hearing them…

Kicking it up to drastic measures, he tries to initiate even more cuddles and hugs than usual… But it feels like he could literally sew himself to their clothes and they'd think he's just being friendly! How do they not see what's going on here, are they just messing with him??

After a week of trying to monopolize the MC's time he had to throw in the towel, certain if he couldn't get through to them then no one could! 😣

Beelzebub 

Well, Beel's a little oblivious himself sometimes so it's not like he couldn't relate… He just wished he could be upfront and ask them because they really didn't seem to notice.

Chances are he was already cuddling with them, sharing his food, taking them places, and doing all the stuff he'd usually do when he likes a person... They probably just considered that to be his normal behavior by that point…

So. He just does what he normally does, but MORE.

Suddenly he's giving the MC half of his meals instead of a third. (Which is what? Enough for a family of four?)

His hugs have gone from just firm to full on bear-snuggles.

He's always offering to take them to a new restaurant or some other place he likes and showing them the best things on the menu (written or hidden).

But it's not exactly going anywhere… 😥

They seemed happy and liked spending time with him but if they were actually noticing feelings for them at all, he couldn't tell…

After a while he kind of gives up on getting them to notice and just starts to enjoy making them happy. Sure, he won't win the challenge, but for now a smiling MC is enough for him 😊

Belphegor 

Look. He may be the King of Mixed Signals, but he's considering just giving up his crown but nothing he's tried has been working...

Similar to Mammon, he’s starting at a disadvantage by regularly being more than a little cryptic about his feelings…

To be honest, it was sort of a reflex for him by this point which didn’t help matters at all. He’s not that used to being completely open with his emotions so he has to fight the urge to downplay things all the time...

Oh, the MC agreed to go with him to the botanical gardens? Cool.

Wait, no, not just cool. It’s great! Really great!! He’s really happy about it, MC, can you see his smile?? He’s smiling! That’s rare! Please notice!!

(They don’t seem to notice…)

Eventually he got even more frustrated than Satan or Mammon and nearly just asked them point blank, but he knew his brothers would flip if he tried…

By the end of the challenge he thought it was a dumb, stupid waste of time and energy and he regrets ever agreeing to it (and he’s not just being pissy because he couldn’t pull it off or anything......)

Bonus: 

After a couple weeks of zero progress for everybody, the brothers seemed to snap. The MC woke up one morning for breakfast only to find their seven demons waiting intently for them to walk into the dining room. What followed was a cartoon squabble of kicked up dust, flying limbs, and thrown objects as each desperately tried to climb over the other in order to get to their human first (even Lucifer nearly flung Satan across the table by the foot at one point). Poor MC was so confused that they had to shout at them just to break up the fighting…

When asked what's gotten into their demons so suddenly, the brothers have only one response:

"WE LOVE YOU!!!" 

…. Eh? 

*MC.exe has crashed*

Back to square one, guys...

[jewish-space-laser]

ok i have an idea for a cbl blurb? could u do a blurb from harry’s pov from the night where he got drunk and how he felt when he saw yn and stuff? ik it already happened but i think seeing it from his viewpoint would be interesting!

Could be Lethal - Part Three (Harry’s POV)

“And every time I’ve held a rose, It seems I only felt the thorns, And so it goes, and so it goes, And so will you soon I suppose...”

– And So It Goes, Billie Joel

HELLO EVERYONE! It’s been months since I’ve posted anything on here, but I randomly got the motivation to pick this up last week. I apologize in advance for my rusty writing skills! This ask has literally been sitting in my inbox for 10 months, so posting it actually feels quite cleansing. Anyway, here is a (long) blurb full of angst, angst, and you guessed it, angst! I hope you love Harry’s take of that night as much as I do. I love you all muchly, thank you for your ongoing love and support <3 xoxoxoxoxoxoxooox Tile

(3.8k word)

You and Harry were friends, with a capital ‘F’. Yeah, you’ve been sleeping in his bed for the past two months, and maybe your entire nervous system goes into hyperdrive when you’re in the same room, but that’s normal, right?

or

The one where you and Harry have an arrangement… of the cuddling sort.

 See the CBL masterlist here!

WARNING: Detailed descriptions of heavy drinking

~~~

It was bullshit. It was all bullshit. 

Harry was miserable. He knew it, his friends knew it, his family knew it… it seemed the only person who wasn’t picking up on his desperation was you. 

You were a complete enigma to him. Sometimes, you were the warmest, most open person he’d ever met, indulging him with interesting conversations, stupid jokes, and even the occassional existential discussion. It was always difficult for Harry to truly open up to a person, having been jaded time and time again by people who weren’t able to look past his famous exterior. 

That’s what makes it so much harder, he thinks. Knowing you properly, you knowing him properly. It made the moments where you were closed off harsher, colder, more difficult to read. 

Since you left his house two days prior, he had done just about anything he could to take his mind off of you. He loved thinking about you, but he also hated thinking about you. It was tortuous and circular and he just wanted a brief moment of emotional respite. 

No, he didn’t want respite, he needed it. 

So he watched all three Lord of the Rings movies in a row, tested out a new stir fry recipe, spent way too much money online shopping, and even scrolled through the Humane Society website in a moment of weakness. But none of it mattered, because even if he could distract himself for a moment, you were still there, lingering in the peripherals of his mind like a song stuck in his head. 

It was dizzying and mind-boggling, and Harry was at a loss for what to do. So when Sunday morning rolled around and it still felt like his lungs were being crushed into a ball, he started drinking. 

It was only 8:00AM, but he bypassed the coffee cabinet and went straight to the fridge, pulling out a chilled bottle of champagne. The pop of the cork was as loud as a gunshot, but Harry didn’t even flinch, hardly registering the sound of it hitting the floor across the room as he rushed the bottle to his lips. 

Bubbles fizzed past his tongue and dripped down his chin, sliding down his bare chest before puddling on the floor. He had to squeeze his eyes shut tightly at the burn of the carbonation, but each gulp sent pleasant tingles over his skin. 

For the first time in ages, his mind felt numb. He didn’t necessarily feel good, but he didn’t feel miserable anymore, and that’s what mattered. He could close his eyes without seeing your smile flash in his head, he could listen to music without immediately relating the lyrics to you, and after his second bottle of wine, he was even able to brew a cup of coffee without thinking of you. 

Okay, maybe he thought of you a little. 

At some point, he passed out on the couch, cartons of Vietnamese takeout sitting cold on his coffee table. When his eyes finally blinked open, the sun had already started to set.

“Fuck,” he muttered to himself. There was a familiar ache pulsing behind his eyes, and he groaned loudly into his empty house. It never used to feel empty, but now you’d come and gone, and it was too late. You’d left your mark on his house and his coffee and his heart… so he drank more. 

There was no more wine, so he started in on his collection of hard liquor, expensive bottles lined on top of his cupboards. Normally they were reserved for when he had guests over, but this fell into the realm of desperation. His sunken eyes scanned the glass bottles before settling on the cheapest of them, an unopened Maker’s Mark. It would do. 

He was pouring a healthy sized glass of the whisky, and then suddenly he wasn’t. His heavy eyes blinked in confusion as he stared across the bar at the bartender, who was raising his eyebrows expectantly. 

“That’ll be thirty-five pounds, mate,” the bartender said, “got roped into buying the first round, eh?”

“Yeah,” Harry grunted, glancing over his shoulder to see Thomas and Jessie watching him from a booth. 

He doesn’t remember leaving his house, let alone coming to the pub with his friends. In fact, if he tried to think about it, his memory of the entire day felt fragmented, like pieces of a puzzle that didn’t quite fit together. 

In his mind, this was a success. A full day gone without thinking about you or talking to you or seeing you. The clock behind the bar read 00:43 in red neon numbers. He took one of the shots quickly, signing the bill and taking the remaining five back to his friends. 

“Harry mate, we told you we’re not getting pissed tonight,” Thomas groaned, “what’d you get six shots for?”

“What kind are they?” Jessie asked, wrinkling their nose. 

“I dunno,” Harry shrugged, setting the tray down directly in front of himself. His vision swayed to and fro, but he still managed to down another shot, disregarding the concerned look his friends shared. “It’s rum. If you don’t want any, that’s fine.”

“It’s a Sunday, mate,” Thomas reminded him gently.

“We’re at a pub, aren’t we?” Harry slurred. “Supposed to get drunk here.”

“You asked us to come here,” Jessie said slowly, “said you needed to talk to us about something.”

Harry blinked at them slowly, swaying slightly in his seat. He didn’t remember any of this. 

“Actually, he said he needed a drink,” Thomas corrected, “I didn’t realize he meant twenty drinks.”

Another shot burned down his throat, and then everything was cold. 

“Harry.”

His head was pounding. Every limb felt heavy. He couldn’t bear to open his eyes, already overwhelmed by the echo of Thomas’s voice reverberating off of the tile floors. 

“Harry.”

He knew that somebody was trying to get his attention, but he just couldn’t. The alcohol had done its job for most of the day, keeping his brain muddled down and diluted just to spare him the pain of remembering. But now, it backfired, trapping him inside his own head with no way out, with nothing to do but remember. He could hear people talking in the background, but couldn’t make out what they were saying. It was as if he was underwater, slipping further and further down with each painful clench of his heart.

He felt a hand press against his arm, and jerked away, causing his stomach to twist. He didn’t want to be here anymore, and he certainly didn’t want to be bothered. 

“G’way, Thomas,” he managed to grunt. 

“It’s me.”

Your voice was clear as crystal to him, but he knew it couldn’t be real. You had left him, after all.

The image of you driving away from his house was burned into his memory, playing over and over again in slow motion. If he thought hard enough, he could even remember the way your body had felt beneath his, whining and squirming and gasping, just like he’d always dreamed about. He could remember the sunken expression on your face the next morning, the heavy silence of the car ride to the coffee shop. He could remember how he’d hoped, so badly, that you’d finally talk about it, this unspoken connection that could no longer be denied. Most of all, he remembers the way his heart dropped when you told him that you didn’t remember any of it.

Another gentle brush, this time along his hairline, and he managed to open his eyes just a sliver. 

You looked amazing. Well, there were circles under your eyes, you were wearing your pajamas and slippers, and you were frowning in concern, but to Harry, you were the most beautiful thing. 

 “You’re here… y’really here….” he sighed. 

You were crouched in front of him, holding a plastic cup of water, and all he wanted to do was pull you into his chest. You looked sleepy and cosy, just like you always did when you stayed over. Before he could reach out to pull you close, you were putting the rim of the cup against his bottom lip.

He took it, grateful for the relief it provided his dry mouth. For the first time since he came to, he took in his surroundings. He was in a single stall bathroom, curled on the floor next to the toilet. The walls were an ugly pale yellow, while the floors were white, making the streaks of dirt and grime more noticeable than ever. Thomas was leaning against the sink across the room, watching you as you tried to get him to finish the cup. 

“Y’look so pretty, always look so good,” Harry slurred, “just wanna snuggle, like we always do.”

He loved the way your mouth dropped open. Everything about you was endearing, really. He watched as you twisted your head to say something to Thomas, water sloshing around in the cup when you nodded your head quickly. Thomas left immediately after, but Harry hardly even noticed. 

When you turned back around to face him, he felt blinded. Despite the dark circles under your eyes, they’re bright and they pierce through him just like always. He loves the color of your skin and the shape of your nose and the little crease that forms between your eyebrows when you’re anxious. He thinks he could probably paint you with his eyes closed. 

Warmth licked across his skin when you brushed your fingertips against his forehead, tucking a stray lock of hair back into place. Harry leaned into your touch, unwilling to let the moment pass too quickly. 

“Can you try taking a sip of water, H?” You tilted your head. “For me?”

He could have laughed, had he not been so nauseated. He would do anything for you normally, but he really did feel awful. “G’na make me sick,” he insisted, wrinkling his nose at the cup in your hand. Even though he could hardly focus, his eyes zeroed in on the faded X scrawled in sharpie on the back of your hand, a souvenir from your night out at TAVERN. He had a matching mark on his hand, and he dreaded the moment the ink would wash off fully. Just another thing forgotten.

He just wanted you.  

He hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but the look on your face told him that it had slipped out. There was no way he regretted it though, not with you right in front of him. Not in this state of mind. 

“It’s gonna make you feel better, and then we can go home,” you urged softly, scooting a tiny bit closer to him.

Home. When he thought of home, he thought about mornings in his house, sunlight filtering in through the blinds and leaving shadowed stripes across your skin. Home was the way you squinted your eyes tighter together right before waking up. Home was you at his kitchen table, going off at him about not doing his dishes. 

“Y’coming home w’me?” He managed to say. Your eyes softened.

“Only if you drink this whole cup,” you lifted it up to him once again, gingerly tilting his head up with a finger on his chin. Even though he felt like his stomach would combust if tried to swallow anything, he allowed you to help him drink some water. Some sloshed messily onto his shirt, but it felt sobering. You met his eyes for a moment, “is that good?”

“I’d do anything for you.”

If you asked him to drink water, he would drink water. He would drink an entire ocean of water. It was achingly clear to literally everybody but you. He could tattoo your name over his heart and you still wouldn’t see.

You gulped loudly, but didn’t say a word, simply prompting him to take another sip of water. He wished more than anything that you’d say something. Make some kind of facial expression. He just wanted a signal, a sign, that you felt anything towards him; disgust, affection, pity. 

He was sure you must pity him. 

Harry drank the rest of the water, cheeks burning as he asked you for a refill. He was still drunk, but the fog had cleared enough for him to sit up straight without feeling like he was going to hurl. He watched you refill the cup in the sink that looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in decades, but that was honestly the least of his concerns. 

“Y’must think I’m pathetic,” he grumbled, squeezing his eyes shut and tilting his head back against the wall. “Can’t lose you.”

“You haven’t lost me,” he heard you say quietly.

But it felt like he had. Because even though you were friends, it wouldn’t be the same if he couldn’t fall asleep to the sound of your soft exhales. It wouldn’t be the same if he couldn’t feel that rush of excitement when you sneakily texted him under the table on nights out. Having you at a distance could never be enough. 

“Harry…” you sighed, rubbing your eyes, “why did you drink so much tonight?”

If your obliviousness hadn’t been so devastating, he would have laughed. How could you sit here with him, look into his eyes, and not see that his heart was entirely in your hands? How could he explain anything to you if you hadn’t already seen it?

So he wouldn’t try. Not right now. 

He mustered up the strength to push up onto his knees, managing to stand up fully with your steady grip on his arms. He took one shaky step as his head spun, and felt your arms snake around his waist to keep him balanced. Without even thinking about it, he wrapped his arm over your shoulder, reveling in the feeling of having you so close as you helped him out of the toilet. 

You brought him to a stop in the main room by the bar, and he couldn’t help but bury his nose into the top of your head. You smelled just like you always did. It had only been a few nights, but your scent was already fading on his bedsheets. 

“Y’smell like lavender,” he hummed, squeezing your arm lightly, “s’like you’re tryin; t’torture me…. So pretty.”

It really was torture, having you hold onto him as you both walked out of the pub. You were distracting, with your warm skin and soft hands. Each step was difficult; his feet were heavy as anvils and he just wanted to curl up right here on the sidewalk. 

Just as he was considering plopping down on the pavement, he heard the familiar beep of your car opening. He closed his eyes once he was sat in the passenger seat, feeling you fuss over his seatbelt. He flinched slightly when you slid a cold water bottle between his knees.

Harry blinked, and then suddenly you were buckled in behind the steering wheel, poking his arm and peering at him with tired eyes. “Can you stay awake for me, H? Just till we get to your house, okay?”

“Y’coming to my house?”

You were so good to him, all the time. By the looks of your attire, you were ready to be in bed hours ago, yet here you were, patient as ever.

“Yes, I’m taking you home,” you said through a yawn. 

“Miss having you at my house,” Harry exhaled. He didn’t even know what he was saying really, just the same thoughts and memories circling through his mind like planets around the sun, all them centered on you. “My sheets don’t smell like you anymore.”

Suddenly, he felt hot all over. His trousers were too scratchy against his skin, his palms felt clammy, and the longer you stayed silent on the other side of the car, his stomach started turning. In an effort to cool off and calm down, he let his head fall against the window, the cool glass soothing his skin. 

Drunk or not, he was trying to tell you how he feels, he was constantly trying to tell you how he feels… and you didn’t say a word. You never did. It was so frustrating that he found himself biting back tears. 

Finally, after what felt like hours, you cleared your throat. “You can’t…” your voice cracked, “you can’t say things like that, Harry. It hurts me when you say things like that.”

“I don’t wanna hurt you,” Harry managed to say. “But it’s the truth.”

He was so confused. How on earth could you be hurting when he was sitting here with his arms wide open? Was he so repulsive that the mere thought of being with him caused you pain, somehow?

He was too drunk for this. 

Luckily, you seemed to be on the wavelength. “Let’s just… not talk,” you said, shoulders slumped. 

Harry was feeling awfully dejected himself. He’d spent the last few days trying to cope with his complicated feelings, and now he was back at square one. Every time he thought he knew where the two of you stood, you would say something vague and he would start all over. Your relationship was like a house of cards; delicate, fragile, and knocked to the ground with the slightest shift, the tiniest gust of wind. 

The headache started out small, but by the time you pulled your car into Harry’s driveway, he was feeling like he might keel over. Somehow, he was simultaneously drunk and hungover. If he was going to make it up the stairs to his room, he was going to need something in his stomach, and water that wasn’t from a pub bathroom.

It was humiliating enough that he’d needed you to help him from the car, but upon entering his house, he nearly kicked his shoe through the living room window, grumbling about toast. He knew he’d been less than impressive tonight, but perhaps this was what you needed -- seeing him at rock bottom -- to finally open up and have a real conversation about what you could be. 

When he woke up in the morning, he would be sober, and he would be ready. He would make you coffee like he always does, and maybe he’d even run out and pick up fresh pastries.

“Want some toast,” he said, though he was fairly certain he’d said it once already. 

You were standing in front of him, toes just inches apart, and it felt instinctive to place his hands on your waist and pull you in. The silk pajama top you were wearing was cool against his hands, but he could feel the heat of your skin underneath, the frantic thumping of your heart against your ribcage tickling his fingertips.

Your hands were on his shoulders to keep him steady, but he was suddenly feeling more sober than he had all night. All day, really. 

Harry slid his hands further behind you, locking together behind your back. Having you close felt incredible. It hadn’t even been three days since he last saw you, yet every atom in his body was craving your touch.

“You, um,” he felt your shaky whale against his collar bone, “you have to let go of me if you want me to make you toast.”

Letting go of you felt physically impossible, so instead, Harry dipped his head down and rested his forehead against yours. The anticipation was excruciating as he waited for you to do what you always did: sink into his arms, wrap yourself around him, soothe him to sleep with the weight of your head on his chest.

Fissures cracked through his heart when you pushed him back, taking a single step back that may as well have been a mile. Suddenly, the air all around him felt cold, the room felt darker, the silence felt louder. He took a deep breath in, but still felt like he was suffocating.

“Do you really not remember?”

He needed to know. He had done everything in his power to think about anything else, but had somehow ended up here, standing face to face with you. He wonders if this is how it was supposed to be, if throwing you together over and over again was the universe’s ultimate plan, if all of this misery would be worth it in the end. 

He’d experienced heartbreak before, but this was something else. And when you choked out, “Harry, please don’t make me say it,” in the smallest voice he’d ever heard you use, he knew that he could write millions of records about the pain of this moment, and still never do it justice.

“You remember, don’t you?”

All you did was nod your head once, but he suddenly felt drained. Maybe it was the full day of heavy, reckless drinking… or maybe it was the realization that things really might not work out. He still wanted to try, though. Even though you’d left the other day, there were countless other times you had stayed. For months you’d been coming over in secret, coming out of your shell and showing him how amazing you really were. That had to count for something; there had to be a reason. 

Coffee. He would make coffee in the morning and the two of you would fix everything. 

“Should we head to bed? ‘S getting kind of late, y’must be exhausted.”

You really did look tired, your eyes rimmed with red from yawning over and over, back hunched and shoulders slumped. He was feeling knackered himself, and was more than ready for this night to be over.

“Actually… I think I’m gonna head back home,” you gulped. Harry felt like he’d been slapped, but he couldn’t move. He couldn’t speak. It’s as if you’d turned to sand; there one moment and slipping through his fingers the next.

“You don’t want to stay?” Harry tried to keep his voice even, but even he could hear how it wavered. He clenched his jaw to keep from crying.

“I just… have to go home,” you said, looking everywhere but at him. 

He waited for you to say something else, but instead watched as you hoisted your purse further up onto your shoulder and walked out the door. Shell shocked, he stood there frozen, even as your headlights disappeared down the street. 

A long breath blew past his lips as he finally moved to lock his front door, any hope of you walking back through it dashed by the way you’d walked out for a second time. 

Harry likely would have benefited from a glass of water and pain medication, but with a buzzing brain and a shattered heart, all he could manage was to pass out on the couch fully clothed, dreaming about what might have been if you had just stayed.  

~~~

As always, let me know what you think! I love talking to you <3 xoxoxoxox Tile

[toukenramblings]

Video Games: Mutsunokami Yoshiyuki, Aizen Kunitoshi, Atsushi Toushirou

Oh ho, a fun lil headcanon set like this is so funnnn~!

Warnings: Not much I suppose?

Mutsunokami Yoshiyuki

Sweet MuMu adores video games where we can travel the world. Fantasy world, modern world, past, present, future, he don’t care! An open world game will suit him best! There’s so much to do, and like a lil puppy, MuMu want’s to explore it all!

Extra bonus points if there’s a part of the game where there is something to do with the ocean. He adores the sea after all! Boats, driving them, exploring the ocean, exploring the unknown, oh this TouDan will drink that shit up.

The games that come to mind are Assassin’s Creed: III, Black Flag, Syndicate, Origins, Odyssey, and Valhalla. Why? Most of them deal with exploring new lands and some of them deal with piloting ships! III, Black Flag, Odyssey, Origins, Valhalla to be more specific. Syndicate has guns and classy fashion. A little too much for Mutsunokami but he loves playing with the guns in the game - they are very similar in make to his own after all. he also rly likes the sea shanties in odyssey because i rly like them too

If Mutsunokami wants to relax and not play Assassin’s Creed where he goes around stabbing everything that moves, he will play Subnautica or Abzu or Journey to relax. Maybe even Animal Crossing! He loves the cute little animals but I personally think that games where he can just explore the world and meet new people and learn lore just make him happy the most.

Games MuMu would never play are horror games or anything with spiders in them. So Bayonetta and Devil May Cry are out. He loves the idea of gun-toting protagonists but nope, nope. Spiders? Bye fam.

Now that I think about it, he would just be Blathers. He can play Animal Crossing but Gods help him the minute he sees a spider in that damn game. “I THOUGHT THIS WAS A PEACEFUL GAME, WHY ARE THE SPIDERS TRYING TO KILL YOU” cue controller thrown at the television.

Oh MuMu adores party games! Can’t play Smash Bros or Mario Kart for shit. Watch him pay too much attention to the background and yeet himself off of the stage because he saw something shiny. He can kinda play though, but again he gets distracted the most. Buuut ask him to play Mario Party with the rest of the swords and damn right he will play!

Can and will make video games turn into a drinking game. MuMu adores competitive gaming with the rest of the citadel. Will start taking bets on who is gonna win and lose, and sure he may be a pouty loser but he’ll be fiine. But damn right he’ll yeet a tantou to ensure his win. No he won’t he’s not that cruel.

Mutsunokami also adores rhythm games! Taiko no Tatsujin because of Don-chan and the idea of playing with a lil taiko drum as a controller. He’s very much into music after all. There are times when he stops playing a game to just listen to the music and take it all in!

A guilty pleasure game he plays is probably Ghost of Tsushima. No he’s not checking out Jin’s ass whenever they go to a hot spring, what are you talking about? MuMu enjoys it because sometimes just going back to your roots and stabbing a ho is just what you need. dear khotun khan, eat shit

Aizen Kunitoshi

Aizen is also super big on rhythm games. As said above with Mutsunokami, Taiko no Tatsujin will be a favorite of his. He has a secret collection of Don-chan merch, no one is stopping him damn it. Just fucking tRY and take away his precious Don-chan(s). The only ones that can touch his prized collection are the rest of the Rai swords, other peeps he is close to, and maybe you if you two are close/you ask nicely. Get him some Don-chan pajamas and he’ll cry.

Aizen is also pretty good at fighting games, Street Fighter coming to mind because he adores over the top bullshit and the colors! The colors! He mains Ryu though, but he’s more than willing to try new characters!

He’s also pretty competitive at times, so he would adore playing fighting games with the rest of the swords at the citadel. Hotarumaru and he are always playing Smash Bros or Mario Kart, which ends up with a lot of broken controllers. Hotaru has been slightly banned from planning highly competitive gameplay though.

Other games that I know Aizen will be into will be Animal Crossing when he wants to relax. He loves the little yearly festivals and events in the games and it kinda mirrors how life works in the world. Of course he adores Digby and Isabelle, and has threatened Tom Nook with Hotarumaru before. “Don’t you cheat me you stupid tanuki, don’t make me get my brother in here.”

Games that Aizen cannot play are puzzle games. He doesn’t mind them, he just finds them really boring. He watches Akashi play them sometimes but even then, Akashi will conk the hell out. If you play them and have Aizen on your lap watching, Aizen will be amazed at how you are so good at them!

Aizen cannot deal with horror games or sad emotional games. He’s pretty emotional himself and will need a lot of hugs after. He will refuse to play Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons as they remind him of Hotarumaru and himself a lil too much. Horror games is because he’s too scared to. Hotarumaru doesn’t mind them, he likes playing them while Aizen and Akashi cling on to each other and scream in terror.

Aizen also loves games that not only have great music but the visuals and colors just catch his eye. Katamari Damacy comes to mind and he loves the main character a lot. The music! The colors! Ohh man its the best.

A guilty pleasure game he would love is the monster catching genre, Pokemon is an idea but he also loves Yokai Watch. Yokai Watch feels a lil more closer to home, plus Yokai Watch had a crossover with Taiko no Tatsujin! He immediately wasted no time and effort to try and recruit Don-chan. iM STILL TRYING TO GET DON-CHAN ON MY TEAM U LIL SHIt but also im rly biased towards yokai watch and digimon

This lil guy will also love collecting plushies of any characters of the games he plays! Don-chan is his first choice of course but catch him and Hotarumaru in a little cuddle puddle with 70 other plushies from various games!

Most of all, Aizen loves games where he can play with others! Friends, family, you! It doesn’t matter to him! He’ll drag you from your office to relax and just cheer anyone up with something fun! “Come play with me! You promised after all, master! I’ve found a rEALLY cool and fun game to play together with Hotaru!” bless him he’s trying his best

Atsushi Toushirou

Like Aizen, Atsushi will mostly enjoy multiplayer games because of his multitudes of brothers, younger and older. He’ll pick out games like Mario Party, Mario Kart, classics for sure. But then there’s games like Wario Ware or Smash Bros. He wants to play games with as many people as possible! He loves it when he can play with you and his brothers!

If Atsushi wants to play something more solo, he will play something along the lines of Cooking Mama. Houchou got him addicted to it gee i wonder why Houchou loves the game so much but Atsushi just loves the dishes that he can prepare and it almost feels like he can cook! He once tried to follow exactly what Cooking Mama did in the game for cooking once uh...it did not end up. But none the less, he loves the colors and the music of Cooking Mama!

He is also a big ol fan of life simulation games, Animal Crossing being his favorite. Again he and his siblings can all play together and the calm atmosphere almost lulls him to a peaceful sort of sleep that he adores the most. He loves the relaxing vibe and sometimes wishes to live there, wherever the hell these guys live.

Next to Yagen, I think Atsushi will lowkey adore horror games. Yagen does it just to get a rise out of the rest of his siblings and Atsushi is kind of the same. Sure Yagen finds the most gorey and atmospheric based horror to scare the crap outta his siblings, Atsushi will probably play the more jumpscare based horror games just to get a scare outta them too! What good is a horror game if you’re not scared as well??? Damn right he’ll wait until it’s night time to play these games!

Atsushi also does love RPG games! Star Ocean, Final Fantasy, Legend of Zelda, come to mind first. He just loves going on big adventures! Exploring new worlds, meeting new people, learning new things! Bonus points if the game has a really emotional story, catch him and his brothers crying about whatever happens on screen.

Atsushi has a secret fondness for rather childish games. Pokemon, Yokai Watch, so on and so forth. YEs he’s trying his best to be mature and stuff, supporting you his saniwa and all, but sometimes he just wants to be himself and have fun! He has a few mascot plushies from his brothers too, shhh.

Atsushi is also terrifyingly amazing at turn-based strategy games. Mario + Rabbids being a favorite because of the colors and overall fun atmosphere. Fire Emblem is a close second. He knows exactly how to keep his units and characters alive, what upgrades to give them, so on and so forth. “General! Come look at what I did in my game! Wouldn’t it be cool if we could also do something like this?!” he says that as Rabbid Luigi yeets himself off of normal Mario and soars through the air like a bird, landing gracefully without hurting himself. Atsushi no.

He’s the most likely of the TouDans to get into the indie gaming scene, looking at new and upcoming content creators to see what they make! He wants to support them as much as he can!

He’s also one of the more responsible of the TouDans in terms of games. Others will start buying them on a whim but Atsu knows there’s a budget to be had! He isn’t as money crunching as Hakata or anything but he knows his damn limits!

Another game genre he’s secretly into are visual novels. He loves the budding relationships between characters, romantic or not, he loves seeing where they end up! It’s like he’s growing with them!

[mcfreakin-bxtch]

this is so strange to ask, but could you write something about Mando and the reader and about their age gap (she’s 20/22 - that’s because technically he’s 33/34 - i don’t remember well)? choose you if something fluff or anything else, obviously just if u have free time!! ☀️

This is not strange at all man, and yes I think that’s about right. Or at least it sounds right to me.

I decided to go for fluffy fluff with a smudge of angst and mentions of smut on this one since I’ve been writing a lot of smut lately, buuuuut if you all would like a smutty part two I would be more than happy to oblige as soon as I can!

This is also unedited and short I apologize. 

-

You hate this. 

Din—you were there when Moss Gideon called him by his true name—is sitting with the Child in the hull, rolling that metal ball towards him on the floor, gently so that the Child has a chance to grab it. When the baby giggles, you grin and there’s a soft noise that escapes through the vocoder. It makes your heart swell with a longing ache. 

When you first met Din, you never thought in a million galaxies that it would go this far. That one job would lead to another with your skills, and eventually you would become the Child’s caretaker. That slowly, as you became more familiar, the Mandalorian started to creep into your every daydream. It soon escalated into your every thought, your every breath, and the butterflies in your stomach that flutter in a frenzy when you were around him; the very same ones that still reside within the confines of nervous giddiness. 

At first, you chalked it up to a stupid crush. You are young, early twenties, and he’s a man; just in his early thirties, and illuminating every bit of swagger and enigma that was just sexy and appealing to you. And Din is nothing but good towards you, even stoic and ever so distant in his way. He’s kind when he’s not bounty hunting, he’s soft when it’s just the three of you on the Razor Crest—with the Child more than you, obviously, but he never once has asked you to leave the room if you sit from afar and watch. It’s something that you could easily get over and eventually move on from. You said this to yourself every day and night when your thoughts drifted to that Din Djarin cloud of yours, and occasionally—if the need was too much—you’d stick your hand down your pants and think of his cock inside you as you came. 

Then he almost died. That broke you, made you realize that it was all more than just a crush; somewhere along the lines, you fell in love with him. Hard. Life is funny like that. 

But he just doesn’t feel the same about you and you will never be the to make him laugh like that and no doubt smile. You will never even have a chance of feeling a sliver of his bare skin against yours, or the brush of his lips. You will never hear any adoring words of affection from him that’ll turn you into a puddle of lovey gooiness. It’s something you have to endure and suffer through. 

“Hey.”

You blink through your daydream, realizing that Din—Mando, you have to remember to call him; Din is too… personal and you don’t want to make him uncomfortable—has been calling your name. 

“Sorry,” you mumble. “Just… thinking.”

“Yeah.” The modulator crackles. “Are you hungry?”

As much as it sounds appealing to you, you're in too much stress right now to put in the effort to eat, so you shake your head no and watch as he sighs and stands up. He stands in place and wobbles with one foot poised in one direction and the other in yours. It’s like he’s contemplating something and that brings your undivided attention. 

“Did I—did I do something?” He asks with uncertainty. 

You blink dumbly at him. “W-what do you mean?” You curse yourself for how weak you sound. 

“I—” He stops, puts his head down for a moment, then whips it back up to you and clenches his fist. “I mean did I do something to make you… distant?”

Distant? Oh. Oh. You thought you were really good at concealing your emotions, you really did. But you’re not as good as you like to imagine and now the jig is up. You’re going to have to tell him, because he’s, well he’s the Mandalorian; the one you’ve been partners with for a while, so he knows when you’re lying and you just—you need to tell him. It’s only fair to the both of you. 

You wring your hands nervously in your lap and chew on your bottom lip. Your heart is pounding against your chest rather uncomfortably that spreads to the rest of your body and makes your leg start to bounce with the increasing anxiety. 

C’mon. This is now or never. 

“Mando I’m—I’m in love with you.” It practically comes out a whimper, and it’s too fucking quiet but you take a deep breath and will yourself to keep going. “And I know that that probably makes you uncomfortable, and that you don’t feel the same way at all. So I’ll… you can drop me off at the next stop. I’ll be okay.”

As painful as it was saying, you can’t deny how good it feels letting it all out. Din—Mando—appears to be in shock. His whole body is stiff, and you’re sure if you poked him he would sway under the miniscule pressure. Your stomach is in knots, awaiting his response to your confession with tears burning in the back of your eyes. But you will not cry, not here and not now. 

“You think—” He chuckles, deep but without humor. “And here I was sitting here thinking that you didn’t like me.”

Wait. What? Is this real?

A gust of air escapes you with an airy laugh. “Wha—wow.” You don’t know what else to say. It’s like your brain is short circuiting, blank and unyielding in its chaos. 

“Yeah.” He sighs and takes tentative steps towards you until he plops himself down next to you, but doesn’t face you; he stares ahead at the Child. It’s quiet for a little, sans the gurgles and babbles, and you take this moment of silence to collect your thoughts. 

“Why did you think that I didn’t like you?” You finally whisper. 

The helmet tilts down. “Because… because you’re so young.” He whispers. “And I was trying to spare you from making you uncomfortable or—or hating me. And you still—” He stops. 

You nod your head eagerly and encourage him with a small smile. You need to know. 

“And you still call me Mando.” He relents. “I know that sounds stupid, and I know that you’re just being respectful and I appreciate that. But I don’t know, the doubt started to creep in when you didn’t ask your silly little questions like you always do, especially about my name.”

This is all just… ridiculous. You start to giggle, and you can’t stop even when the visor stares quizzically at you and you feel him tense even more beside you. 

“I-I’m sorry it’s just,” you manage to croak. “It’s just this whole time, and our own insecurities were holding us back.”

It takes a minute, but eventually you hear that sweet, raspy and robotic chuckle filter through the helmet. Your heart swells and your smile is wide to the point of discomfort that you can’t stop. 

“And with the age thing,” you start. “I don’t care about that. I’m an adult and you’re an adult. Just because your bones crack when you stand and you groan when you have to bend down does not mean I love you any less.” 

You grin at the end and expect him to argue back, or to laugh with you. 

“...Can I kiss you?”

Maker. Maker this is really happening. 

You lick your lips and nod, not fully trusting your voice. 

“Close your eyes.” It comes out soft, almost a whisper. 

You look towards the Child, who must have fallen asleep on the blanket Mando—Din, you can call him Din now—laid out as they played, and close your eyes. The anticipation is killing you already and it’s only been a second, but you’ve been waiting so long for this and it’s finally within your grasp. There’s a loud hiss that makes you slightly jump. 

Then there’s a soft wisp against your lips; that small ghost of air that flows from his mouth onto your awaiting kiss, teasing you. You keep your eyes tightly shut as he palms your cheeks in his hands—bare and rough but soft against and you wonder just when he took those gloves off—and he presses his lips against yours. 

At first it’s soft, just a cautious press. It’s still enough to take your breath away, to have to fight back the urge to keen into him and throw yourself onto him. Then he finally, finally, kisses you harder. You immediately gasp and he clumsily fits his mouth against yours, trying to move in perfect sync. You follow his lips, losing yourself to the language of this kiss; the first of the many that are to come, the one that’s a little unsure but absolutely reventing in the simplicity of it, begging for more and more. When you trail the tip of your tongue against his plump lip, you swallow his moan and explore the divine taste of him. Din responds just as eagerly and your body is on fire, and he’s the cooling water and the smoldering flame at the same time, bringing you into his warmth and completely enveloping you into… into his everything. 

You whine when he pulls away for air, and he indulges you into a few more pecks before he completely pulls away. It feels cold but your swollen lips thump with an untainted love that���ll keep you sated; at least for a little while. 

Tags: @scarlett-berserker​, @justlovetoreadfics​, @lil-baby27​, @mando-vibes​, @beepbeepyabitch, @that-void-witch​, @im-the-music-whore​, @certifiedhunter​, @softpedropascal, @domino-oh-damn, @okaydacre​, @lemongrove​, @appreciating-chase-brody, @iwontforgettheapplepie, @mybabyboytony​, @olyamoriarty, @pcrushinnerd​, @elusive-ivory​, @dizzydazed​, @bluejeancntrygrl​, @dadzawas-eyebags, @moonstruck-witchy @our-mrlangdon, @parody-the-emi, @evalynanne, @purplewaterbird, @vikingqueen28, @tedpicklez, @blunt-cake-yes, @agoldin, @lustriix, @readsalot73, @kateb013, @eupphoriaaa, @imalovernotahater, @everything-lost-and-unsaid, @dlmafa1, @hoodedbirdie, @drunkenliterary, @fioccodineveautunnale​, @fangirlfree, @mrsparknuts, @amarvelousmandalorian, @ironheart-hanako, @bunniotomia, @thisisthe-way, @rosadorando, @meganoid1997, @adikaofmandalore, @cahooter, @charliepeaceout, @dreamgirl-67, @phoenixhalliwell, @acrylics-and-sunshine, @sunkissed-winter, @oloreaa, @equalstrashflavoredtrash

[vannahfanfics]

Rainshowers

Category: Romantic Fluff

Fandom: Naruto

Characters: Sakura Haruno, Shikamaru Nara

Good day, everyone! Here’s my story for ShikaSaku Week Hanami’s Day Six prompt, “Like Air in My Lungs (I Need You).” Enjoy!

“Ino. Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurts?”

Sakura’s eyes were lidded as she gazed forlornly out of the café window. Her hand was curled around a cup of black tea that was long since cold, over half full of the dark brew. The rain was pounding against the glass beside her; the glass looked as if it were frosted with the pumping streams that were cascading down the smooth, clear surface like a steady waterfall. For the thousandth time that morning, she sighed deeply and looked out the corners of her eyes at her friend, lips pursed in a self-pitiful pout.

“Sakura.” The click in her tongue indicated that she was in for a chiding. She closed her blue eyes as she set down her cup of green tea with a shake of her head. “Shikamaru has been broken up with Temari for three weeks now! Why are you here moping to me when you could be making your move?” Sakura groaned loudly and slammed her forehead down onto the table, making the cups rattle and silverware jump.

“It’s too soon! Shouldn’t I wait at least a month?”

“Girl! You waited six months before he even started dating her! It’s not like they were together for a super long time; they went on three dates,” the blonde scolded her critically. Sakura groaned into the finished wood of the small café table. “Hey. Look at me, will ya?” Obediently, Sakura lifted her head to peer at her with big green eyes; Ino was leaning her cheek in her hand and smiling sympathetically. “I know how hard it is for you to reconcile with your feelings after the whole Sasuke thing petered out, but if you never take any risks, Sakura, you’re gonna live your life full of regret.” Ugh. I hate it when she’s right, the kunoichi thought with a dour pout as she sat herself up and ran a hand over her wearied face.

“I know,” she grumbled in agreement. She turned to glance out of the window once more. The wind whisked up the rain to all but throw it against the glass in furious pitter-patters. The perfect parallel to her tumultuous mood. I just… Don’t want to ruin the status quo, she continued silently as her eyes drifted halfway shut. The rain continued to pour.

~~~~~~~~~~

Sakura had bid Ino a good evening and begun the wet, rainy trek home. The rain pounding continuously on the rubbery layer of the red umbrella she was holding over her head like a shower of bullets. The dirt street was flooded with numerous, deep puddles of dirty rainwater that splashed up the sides of her bare calves with every squelching step. Sakura tilted the edge of the umbrella up for a moment to peek up at the sky; it was choked with ashy gray clouds that rolled with quiet thunder and flashes of bright white lightning deep within their bellies. No doubt, it would be a long time before the rain let up. With a small sigh, she dropped her head back down, chin striking her chest. In such dismal weather, it was nearly impossible not to brood. Her hand curled up around her heart as it clenched tightly in her chest. She had asked Ino if she had ever loved someone so deeply that it hurt, because all Sakura felt these days was a dull aching beneath her sternum- the low, throbbing pulse of insurmountable longing. It was a painfully familiar feeling, one she had lived with for several years, and sometimes she wondered if her love for Sasuke had diminished at all, if maybe she were confusing her little crush on Shikamaru with these deep feelings of hers.

Then she would see him- just like right then, as he trotted out of the door of a small convenience store with one hand in his pants pocket and the other tossing a small plastic bag of canned coffees over his shoulder. Sakura stopped in her tracks, green eyes wide as they beheld him grimacing up at the stormy heavens.

“Man, what a drag… I should’ve checked the weather forecast today. This is getting old,” he muttered. His legs were splashed up the side with mud and Sakura could clearly see dark spots littering his clothes, evident of still-drying rain spatters. Had he walked there in the pouring rain? He apparently didn’t notice her, as he hopped down the store’s steps to land with a light splash in the muddied street below and start walking in the opposite direction. Sakura flushed and dipped her umbrella down to cover her face. She didn’t want him to notice her, and yet her heart was screaming in agony, wishing dearly to be greeted. She clenched her teeth as it constricted angrily within her chest; her ears rang with the rush of blood and Shikamaru’s soft, splashing footsteps. Her eyes flickered as the toes of his boots appeared just under the rim of the umbrella, passing her left side. She could go unnoticed. She could.

But did she want to?

“Sh-shikamaru!” she cried before her mind could stop her. Water jumped around her feet in a wide, curving arc as she whirled on her heel, and she accidentally threw the umbrella up too high, cause a sudden burst of raindrops to crash down into her face. Startled, she wiped at it quickly with her sleeve before blinking the water away to see Shikamaru staring at her with widened eyes. A mortified blush blazed across her cheeks, but she had already called out to him, so she had no choice but to stand her ground. “D-do you want me to walk you home? It’s pouring… You could catch cold.” She wished more than anything that her voice came out more confident. Hinata could run circles around her.

“You live in the opposite direction, though,” he frowned and rubbed at the back of his neck awkwardly. The coffee cans jingled with the movement. Sakura stared slack-jawed at him for a second. How stupid she must look! Of course it would be weird offering to walk him home when they lived on completely different sides of time.

“U-um, I’m just out for a walk. I’m not going anywhere in particular, so, it doesn’t matter to me,” she recovered lamely. His black eyes met hers for a moment, calculating. She wondered if he could see the nervousness blooming in her spring green depths.

“Well, you gonna bring the umbrella over here or you gonna just let me stand out in the rain?” With a squeak, she scampered over to him, hoisting the umbrella up to accommodate his tall frame. He slipped his hand back in his pocket as he turned to begin walking in step with her. Her legs were significantly shorter, so she had to set her pace almost twice as much as his to keep up. The umbrella bobbed up and down over their heads as she scuttled along beside him. “So what brings you out for a walk in this ugly weather?”

“O-oh, um, I met Ino for lunch at a café earlier, but I just wasn’t in the mood to go home yet.” At least it wasn’t a total lie.

“What, do you two get together once a week to exchange gossip or something?” he sniffed teasingly. Sakura’s face turned the color of her hair; yeah, basically, that was what they were doing. Shikamaru blinked at her stunned silence, then began chuckling. “Sounds about right. Lemme guess- Ino just had to spill that me ‘n Temari aren’t a thing anymore, right? Can’t tell her anything.” She couldn’t tell by the tone of his voice if he was actually angry that the blonde was spreading his business around or if he was just mildly amused; it was blank, void of much emotion at all, and when Sakura peeked up at him she saw that his face was pretty much the same. He stared straight onward with slightly lidded eyes. He looked deep in contemplation.

“… Did you really like her?” she asked quietly. If he was sad, she wanted to be there to comfort him, as his friend. However, part of her was terrified for him to answer that he had possessed strong feelings for the girl. That would just drive the nail into the coffin that contained her own feelings.

“No,” he answered, almost a little too easily. Sakura’s heart skipped with hope. She then flushed with shame. Why should she be happy that his relationship with Temari hadn’t worked out? That was a terrible thing! His eyes shifted to bore into hers again, making her wince slightly. Was she supposed to say something? What should she say? Sakura was just brutally honest; it was especially hard with Shikamaru to act all unperturbed.

“S-so… You’re the one who called it off?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?” The question burned like fire on her tongue. Temari was smart and capable; honestly, Shikamaru would be lucky to have her. Of course, the answer could be as simple as he wasn’t feeling it. That was a perfectly reasonable answer, but doubt poked at the back of Sakura’s mind. The two had always had great chemistry, even to the point that people had assumed they were dating. It was almost certain that they would hit it off. So why…?

Shikamaru suddenly stopped, and she followed suit, looking at him in bewilderment. His hand slowly came up to wrap around hers that was holding the handle of the umbrella; blush shot up her arm to creep up her neck and face, and had Shikamaru not been gripping the handle tightly, the umbrella would be shaking from the quiver that had gripped her body. His dark eyes glittered with something that Sakura couldn’t place- amusement? Glee? Maybe a faint bit of derision? It was an intense stare that had a pleasurable shiver propagating from her head to her toes and back. She felt it, again, that suffocating constriction in her chest that made her lungs burn. The love that hurt. Electrified, she could only gawk up at him and wait for him to speak.

“Because I was just trying to kid myself out of the fact that I was already in love with somebody else.” His words were but ghosts, drifting over Sakura’s blush-stained face in feather-light wisps. She was so enraptured by them that she didn’t even react when the bag of coffee cans clattered loudly to the ground, nor when both his hands rose to gently cup her face. For some reason, only one thing and one thing only was on her mind.

“Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt?”

“Every damn day.”

The seconds between his answer and what happened next were forever a blank period in her memory. Like a record skipping, she was suddenly just there, umbrella discarded and arms around his neck and lips furiously smashing against his in a desperate, heated kiss. The cool rain cascading down her skin foiled the burning sensation of lust flourishing through her insides like fire; everywhere his hands landed- her neck, her hips, her back- there bloomed fiery pleasure as her nerves short-circuited. Sakura hadn’t realized up until then how short of breath she was. As soon as his lips met hers, it felt like pure oxygen flooded her lungs, swelling them to maximum capacity. It was like he breathed life into her; she couldn’t breathe without him, she loved and needed him that much, and so she refused to part her mouth from his even as her head began to dizzy with lack of breath. When his tongue dipped into her mouth to eagerly tangle with her own, her knees buckled and she slumped against him, mind foggy as she began to slowly spin into suffocation. It felt so good. It felt like a part of her was made whole again.

She was panting hard when he forced himself away from her. Despite her gasping breaths, her face still chased his as it left, her mouth lamenting the loss of the taste of him, like bitter coffee and green tea and spices. He supported her limp frame with his sturdy arms as she slowly came down from the impossible high. She blinked as her mind came back to her. The rain had picked up considerably and they were both now dripping wet, beaded raindrops falling from their chins and elbows and seeping into their clothes to darken the fabric. Sakura laughed lightly as she swept a few of the pink strands that had plastered to her face.

“I let go of the umbrella,” she mused bashfully and looked down the street to see it rolling like a tumbleweed far down the street. She turned back to see that they had been standing in front of his house the entire time. Now I have to walk all the way home in the rain… Sakura didn’t mind it, really. With the gentle, bubbling heat pulsing through her body at the moment, she doubted the chill of the rain would be able to reach her at all. Shikamaru seemed to have other ideas, though.

“What a pity. Guess you’re not going anywhere until the rain lets up.” Her face turned beet-red at the sultry growl in his voice. She squealed in surprise as he suddenly hoisted her up, and her legs snapped closed around his hips on instinct.

“Shi-! Shika-!” she stammered uselessly. Her brain was far too fried to form coherent words. He gave her a twisted, mischievous smirk as he whirled on his heel to march up the path leading to his residence, while Sakura’s nails dug down into his shoulder in a white-knuckled grip. “Have you lost your mind?!”

“I’m quite lucid, thank you,” he purred as he kicked the garden gate latch up and opened it with a foot. He kicked it shut behind him, not seeming to care at all that it only bounced back open to begin flapping back and forth in the wind. “What, do you really wanna go on your ‘walk’ that bad?” Her face continued to flush at his teasing words. Of course she didn’t want to go on a damn walk! Mortified and shamefully excited, she leaned forward to bury her face into his shoulder as he carried her into the empty house.

It was certainly not how she expected to spend the rainy day, but boy, did she have some gossip for Ino for their next café meet-up…

Enjoy this oneshot? Feel free to peruse my Table of Contents!

Tag List: @deliathedork @searchfortheonepiece @shikasaku-week

[softstraykidsimagines]

Boyfriend!Hyunjin

A/N: SHE PROTECC

SHE ATTACC

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY

SHE BACC

HI GUYS!!! I’m so happy to be posting again i cry :,)  i hope you enjoy!!!! i;ll be updating as much as i can without rushing too much :D

MASTERLIST

Prepare your wigs peeps

This is gonna make me swerve

I mean

cmon it’s Hyunjin

Let’s do this!

Prince Hyunjin

Is actually smooth af with his crush

He'll complement you whenever he gets the chance

Or gives you food

Basically your knight in shining armor

Ye, that’s not what actually happens

He's smiling like an idiot and about collapse when he’s with you because HE'S FREAKING OUT OK

So freaking nervous his heartbeat is always up when he’s with you

You sometimes think he’s about to have a heart attack and you’re not stupid you know why lmao

Same for when he confesses

At first he’s pretty calm about it

Just casually asked if you wanted to see a movie with him some time

“Like... a-as more than friends?”

You'd kinda expected it so you weren't too shocked when he asked you

So you said yes

Duh

And he does a double take

"Wait.... Are you serious? You want to?"

"Well yeah?"

"WHAT WHY"

Was good with flirting but didn't actually think you'd go out with him smh

Now every minute he just contemplates the fact that he has you

And he still can't believe it

Like shit dude

He’s with the y/n

You never feel unloved when you're with him

He loves going for long walks, just to talk and relax

Why does it sound like he's a dog here lmao

Will always take as many pictures of you as his phone storage will allow, his camera roll is stuffed with pics of you

Will insist on going to the park for a picnic, he just loves you and the sunshine

He loves to quietly slide your hand into his

But he always ends up giggling because he’s so giddy about being with you

Has to take a moment to charge up his courage before giving you a quick kiss on the cheek

He then goes an unreal shade of scarlet as he covers his face, muttering that he ‘can’t believe that he actually did it’! 

It takes him a while to finally gather up the courage to properly kiss you

Like.... a very long time

You were starting to get worried that he didn’t actually like you

Maybe he was just too nervous to tell you that it wasn’t working for him

buT NOPE

On one certain date, Hyunjin had prepared a cute little dinner on the practice room floor

He was so apologetic about the poor setting, but finally had stopped saying sorry when you’d told him for the 2376129th time that you were having fun

At some point, he just went uber silent, watching you not in a creepy way

You eventually noticed, and just stared back

“What?”

He didn’t say anything, but his eyes did widen a wee bit

“What are you lookin at, you’re sorta scaring m-”

He cut you off and just kissed you

BOI YOU WERE SO SHOCKED

Afterwards you both just stared at each other

And then Hyunjin goes all red

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to do that I’m sorry that was stupid you can slap me if you want!!!!”

“Bruh why would I want to slap you?!”

“You don’t hate me?”

facepalms for days

You meet the other boys only a few minutes later

Go figure

You’re talking casually, the embarrassment from the kiss wearing off

They all come stampeding into the practice room making an ungodly racket

And all go quiet when they realize what they’ve done

Changbin, bless him, tries to reduce the awful level of awkwardness: “*cough* uh hey, Hyunjin.... This must be y/n right?” He waves at you. “We’ve heard a lot about you, Hyunjin never stops talking about you”

He misses the death glare Hyunjin shoots him

Then Jisung

Freakin Jisung, man

Waltzes up: “Hyunjin’s cheeks are really pink”. He gives a cheeky smile. “You didn’t kiss did you?”

The room goes as quiet as a tomb

“OH SHIT YOU DIDN’T ACTUALLY KISS DID YOU????”

Of course Hyunjin completely loses his shit at the sight of you turning a deep red. “GODDAMMIT JISUNG STFU”

Ye your first meeting with SKZ wasn’t the best

But you all bonded rather quickly after

And Jisung buys you little snacks sometimes as an apology for your first awkward meeting

OH GOD THE BOYS ADORE YOU

If you’re ever sick, they always get snacks for Hyunjin to give you

And if you’re really under the weather, they’ll cover for Hyunjin so that he can stay with you and take care of you.

He wraps you in blankets

YOU ARE NOW A BURRITO

And tries to make soup for you

We know what cooking!Hyunjin leads to

You’re chilling on the couch and you suddenly hear a high-pitched scream

You’re up and sprinting to the kitchen at the speed of light still wrapped in a burrito

To find him fanning at a smoking pot

“WHAT THE FUCK HYUNJIN YOU JUST NEED TO HEAT IT UP HOW DID YOU START A MINI FIRE?”

You’re home doesn’t burn down thank goodness

And you end up heating some soup for yourself while Hyunjin watches

And it’s! hilarious! when he’s sick!

He becomes a little ten-year-old istg

But in a really cute way

He doesn’t ask for anything: food, to watch TV etc

Nah he just wants cuddles

The whole damn day

So while you’re struggling to keep a mask on and not getting sneezed on, this idiot is smiling like a puppy if puppies could smile, clinging onto you like a love-filled leach did that sound weird? i think that sounded really weird

i want this tattooed on my face thx

Now idk what this dude is afraid of

Something tells me one big fear would be to lose Stray Kids and the people he loves

And so I think he’d get kinda nervous when you both see less of each other and when he gets busier

You can’t talk as much because of his crazy schedule and with lack of sleep, he starts getting more irritated easier during the little intervals of time you get to see each other

At some point he might snap at you, maybe for no reason at all, and you’ll snap back indignantly

Yeah you love him but you’re not taking any attitude

If things get really bad, he just shakes his head, saying he needs some air

You’ll both give yourselves some space, but eventually Hyunjin becomes terrified that you’re too angry with him to talk again

So he goes to find you and talk

You both hug it out and decide to spent the rest of the day together for more quality time

And it’s totally worth Hyunjin getting an earful from Chan the next day

OK back to fluff quickly quickly

On the days Hyunjin goes somewhere, you sometimes join him in the car ride, tho you’re always super careful to never show your face when he gets out

Gotta stay hidden yknow?

You’ll both send cute little texts throughout the day and OOF just couple goals

You: hey check this out, this is me 2 u *sends heart meme*

Jiiniie<3: oh yeah? well this is me @ u! *sends heart meme with more hearts*

You: boi dont start smth u cant win!

And thus begins the heart meme wars

r they even called heart memes idk

i want this tattooed on my face pt2

We’ve already established that Hyunjin can’t cook for love or money

So if he even steps foot in the dorms’ kitchen

You bet that at least two other of his hyungs will follow for pure supervision

And he is not, under any circumstances, allowed to cook something by himself

And you’re grateful that your safety and world peace had been assured by this rule

Although, you’re allowed to cook together as long as you watch what he’s doing

If anything at all goes wrong, the blame is pinned on you

So it’s natural for you to treat these cooking projects as once-in-a-while occasions

Now when you ask about meeting his parents

Holy Hell

Stutters, clammy hands, flitting eyes, you name it

Hyunjin is so frickin nervous about you meeting his parents oof

You don’t understand why, like hey, how bad could it be right?

But pretty soon you get why Jinnie was nervous

His parents aren’t that trusting within the first hour of knowing you

You guess it might be because of poor past experiences?

Maybe Hyunjin had been judged or dated once too many times just for his looks?

The thought is enough to make you swear by all you know to always treat him like a treasure

You also make a mental note to ask him sometime

Eventually, his parents realize you have pure intentions and they become so much kinder and warmer

They let you know how welcome you are to visit whenever you want, they offer to send you off with some homemade cookies...

And Hyunjin gets so emotional at the beautiful site in front of him that he bursts into tears

Which causes you and his parents to tease and hug him

if you’re thick, let’s just be clear that im making a statement on how you should NOT judge Jinnie purely because he’s good looking, appreciate his talent!

Now, Hyunjin is kinda tall compared to the rest of SKZ hah im joking of course so it’s pure instinct to want to steal his shirts

Don’t lie, if you had the chance, you would take something i see right thru u

And at some point in your life, you stop realizing ‘hey, this isn’t my jumper!’ and just walk around in clothes that aren’t yours

And when this happens, three things follow:

You see a wild Hyunjin crashing through the apartment towards you, yelling happily that ‘that’s my favorite hoodie!!’ he tries to act like he’s angry and fails in 0.0000003 sec

He doesn’t slow down and freakin slams into you at full velocity, knocking you over or off anything you might be sitting on

He proceeds to tickle you mercilessly, until you either can’t breath and turn purple or until you commit an extreme act of violence in the name of self defense

Once this chaotic episode ends, most of the time with both of you are completely knackered and just lying on the floor

You both cool off by just cuddling and watching something on TV

Or reading something together!!!

I can totally see Hyunjin shoving one of his fav books in your face and insisting that you both take turns in reading aloud to each other

And you both react at the same time to shockers in the book, like you start crying together when a character dies who hasn’t had that traumatic experience or you both squeal with joy and hug each other tighter when something great happens

Did I just turn into a puddle of happy goo?

Yes I fuckin did.

I think Hyunjin wouldn’t take that long to tell you that he loves you

That doesn’t mean that he planned anything tho

HAH! Course he didn’t

Probs says it when he can barely think straight

Maybe you’re watching him dance late at night

You’d brought snacks to keep him going ‘cause he was working his ass off

And there you sit, marveling at his skill and fluidity while executing his choreo

You have a talent for hyping Hyunjin up while he dances, cheering when he leaps high into the air, gasping when he performs a complicated move, and aw-ing and his graceful poses ok im done now

When he finishes one of his more dramatic dances, you jump up with glee and tackle him in a hug despite him being sweaty, saying how proud you are

He hugs you back happily and says:

“I should be the proud one, having someone I love so much being so supportive of me”.

You both freeze, still hugging each other

And neither of you move or breathe for a moment

“What did you say?”

“UhhhHHHH NOTHING I SAID NOTHING”

“You said that you love me!”

“WAT NO I DIDN’T I-”

“HYUNJIN I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!”

“N- wait what?”

“I love you, dumbass” same tho

Oof that poor practice room has seen a lot of awkwardness

I’m cracking up just by thinking of how hopeless Hyunjin could become when SKZ are away

“Hey do you guys have a signal and/or data? I wanna Skype y/n and show them the beautiful view”.

*all of SKZ facepalms*

Always taking pictures to show you

In the evenings, you get a frickin cascade of notifications of both photos and messages from the poor boy telling you he misses you like crazy

When Skyping, he asks to see Khami, who you have the pleasure of caring for during his absence

You do question (mentally and then verbally) whether he calls to talk to you or his dog

He never answers the question heh

There’s lowkey a competition between you and Khami for Hyunjin’s affection

When the boys make their flight home, Hyunjin keeps you informed about everything that’s happening

I mean everything:

Jiiniie<3: we’re @ the airport :D     -6h ago

Jiiniie<3: waiting to board!     -5h ago

Jiiniie<3: they’re getting ready to go, i can’t wait to see you!! xxx      -5h ago

Jiiniie<3: will text you when we arrive, love!     -5h ago

Jiiniie<3: JUST LANDED! CANT WAIT TO HUG U     -31mins ago

Jiiniie<3: about to get our luggage!     -Just now

You get the point -_-

When you finally see each other, he runs at top speed to pick you up and spins you around

frickin goals man i feel so sad writing this :,)

He goes public in probably the most aesthetic way that’s physically possible

He posts a bunch of gorgeous photos-

Courtesy of Jisung

-of your silhouettes in front of sunsets

-Pics he took of you laughing during a cafe trip

-Bomb-ass selcas where you’re both lookin hella fine

Just

UGGHHH

SO! AESTHETIC!!!

Naturally, the internet freaks the fuck out

Both of you are kinda nervous about the explosive reaction

There are salty bitches who are telling you to piss off because they jelly

But the huge majority of Stay are crying with happiness and wishing you both well

this better happen in the future im watching all of u

And soon Hyunjin is talking about you on vLives, proud af because y/n freakin rules!

OhmyGod I love Hyunjin

Damn my heart be like < HYUNJIN 3 phew

[girls-scenarios]

The Truth

Idol: Olivia Hye (Loona)

Prompt: hi could i request an olivia hye scenario where she’s forced to reveal her crush, in front of her crush, in a game of truth or dare? thank you so much!!

Writer: Admin Kiwi

A/N: So I’m going to be using her real name, Hyejoo, throughout this scenario, and I kind of made this a high school au, because she’s in high school and honestly I’ve never seen people play truth or dare outside of a school/school party. Also, she’s literally so pretty in person? I’m still shaking from seeing her perform. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy!

♡ Tip Jar♡

Hyejoo loved playing games. No matter the game, she was always down to play, mostly because she’s competitive and loves to win. But she wasn’t expecting that it would take a game to get her to confess to you.

It all started because it had started snowing outside, trapping the study group inside Yerim’s house, and studying had gotten boring hours ago. After playing a few video games (Yerim’s collection sucked and Hyejoo wished she’d brought over some games of her own) and playing Uno about ten times (it was the worst, and Hyejoo now hated Yeojin) Chaewon had huffed and shoved her cards away, obviously tired of being bored.

“Let’s play truth or dare,” she suggested, drawing everyone’s attention to her.

“Wait, for real?” Hyunjin looked up from her phone, suddenly interested. “That sounds a hundred times better than playing Uno again.”

“I think Uno is fun!”

“Yerim, that’s because you’re boring.”

“That’s literally so mean, Yeojin,” you said, but Yeojin just stuck out her tongue at you.

“It’s true, though.”

“It is a little bit true,” Hyejoo agreed, making Yerim pout, only to quickly regret saying it as you sent her a look with your eyebrows raised. “What? She reads textbooks for fun!”

“Okay, you’re right,” you agreed, a little smile playing on your lips, and Yerim whined, leaning her head on your shoulder. Hyejoo tried to ignore the way it made her feel to see the two of you so close.

“I’m being bullied. In my own home. I can’t believe you guys.”

“Awe, I still love you, Yerim!” Heejin reached out to pat Yerim’s head with a grin. “They’re just teasing you because they think you’re cute.” At her words, Yerim perked up, and you giggled, making Hyejoo’s heart squeeze.

“That was easy,” you said, obviously amused.

“So!” Chaewon cleared her throat, loudly. “Truth or dare! Everyone get in a circle! Yerim, do we have a bottle that we can spin or anything?”

“Oh! Yeah! I’ll go get one!”

“So easily convinced,” you joked as she ran off in search of the bottle, and Hyejoo wondered if her silence made her jealousy obvious. You looked towards her with a smile, and she swallowed, her cheeks heating up as she gave you a little smile back before turning her attention away, trying to focus on Chaewon instead.

“Um. So, who starts?”

“Whoever the bottle lands on,” Chaewon deadpanned, apparently not understanding Hyejoo’s feelings. “Come on, we’ve played this before, Hyejoo.” Deciding that it would be stupid to argue, Hyejoo just sighed and resigned herself to being quiet again, not noticing the small, sightly worried look you sent her way. She was just being dumb. She needed to learn how to control her emotions when it came to you.

“I found a bottle! Let’s play.”

Somehow, you ended up sitting across from her, with Chaewon and Hyunjin on either side of her, and she felt nerves beginning to build in her stomach. This game was not going to go well for her, she could tell.

Chaewon started the game, spinning the bottle as hard as she could. Thankfully, it didn’t land on Hyejoo. Instead, it pointed at Yerim, who wrinkled her nose.

“Oh, me? Truth, I guess.”

“Wow. We’re starting off boring,” Yeojin groaned.

“Oh, don’t worry. I’m going to make this interesting.” Chaewon grinned, and Hyejoo was sure she saw Yerim shiver.

Chaewon ended up asking Yerim who she’d most like to kiss in the room (she squeaked out Yeojin before falling back onto the floor and swearing that she was going to get Chaewon back). Then, Hyunjin was dared to give Heejin a lap dance, Chaewon was dared to run out in the snow barefoot, and Heejin was asked whether or not she’d ever thought of kissing Ryujin. You were also dared to chug your water, making you have to lay down for a moment while Hyejoo fanned your face and Yerim frantically Googled “can you die from chugging water???”

Eventually, the bottle did land on Hyejoo. Much to her dismay, it was Hyunjin who had spun the bottle, and there was now an evil grin on her face as she rubbed her hands together in the classic movie villain pose.

“So, Hyejoo, truth or dare?” If it was an option, Hyejoo would have chosen neither. But it wasn’t, and she swallowed, debating her options. Dare would probably end up being detrimental to her health, as she knew Hyunjin well enough to know that she’d probably dare her to kiss you or something equally embarrassing. With truth, there were also plenty of terrible options left, but Hyejoo figured that it was less likely to end with her melting into a puddle of shame and embarrassment, so she sighed and resigned herself to her fate.

“Truth.”

“Okay. You have a crush on someone. Who is it?”

Hyejoo’s mouth dropped open and she stared as Chaewon and Yeojin squealed in delight and Heejin laughed. Was this for real? “Are you kidding me?”

“Nope. And it’s truth. So you have to tell the truth.”

Her face was already getting hot, and maybe it was her imagination, but she was pretty sure that she was shaking. How cold was it outside? Could she make it back to her house is she made a run for it right now? Her mouth was dry and her palms were sweating as she bit her lip, daring to look over at you. Your cheeks were slightly flushed as well, but you quickly looked away when you locked eyes with her. Still, she saw that your eyes had gone a little wide, and her heart began to pound. What did this mean?

“Sometime today, please,” Yeojin said, snapping Hyejoo out of her thoughts.

“You guys are mean,” she squeaked, making Chaewon roll her eyes.

“Come on, literally everyone here knows except for your crush. Just say it.”

“Everyone knows? But I didn’t-.”

“You’re obvious, Hyejoo.”

“Really?”

“Yes, so just say it!”

Hyejoo licked her now-dry lips and looked down at the ground, too nervous to look your way again. “O-okay. Fine.” Taking a deep breath, she readied herself. This was not how she’d been imagining her confession to you, but she really had no other choice. The girls were going to force it out of her one way or another. “I.... I have a crush on (Y/N).”

“It’s about time.”

“Shh, Hyunjin!”

Hyejoo’s face was burning, and for a moment, she once again contemplated making a run for it through the snow. But then you cleared your throat, and she dared to look up at you to see that you were blushing too, but you had a small, shy smile on your face.

“U-um, I have a crush on you too.”

“Really?” She perked up, eyebrows raising, half in disbelief. Really? You really liked her too? Had she been worrying all this time for nothing?

“Really. Um, I didn’t know that I would be saying this in front of everyone. It’s kind of embarrassing.”

“It’s cute,” Yerim said with a grin, obviously happy. “We should celebrate the new couple!”

“Wait, Yerim, we aren’t-.”

“I think I have ice cream in the freezer!”

“Ice cream? It’s literally freezing outside why would we eat ice cream.”

“Hot chocolate is the way to go, Yerim. Let’s get some hot chocolate.”

“I want ice cream though!”

“Heejin, how are you not freezing?”

“A hoe never gets cold, don’t you know?”

“Hey! Are you calling me a hoe, Hyunjin?”

“Someone just said they’d kiss Ryujin. Even though they have a girlfriend.”

“I did NOT.”

Chaos exploded in the room, and Hyejoo just looked around for a moment before locking eyes once again with you. You looked a bit nervous again, and her heart sped up as you scooted closer, taking the spot Chaewon vacated in her anger over ice cream.

“So, um. Do you want to be a couple?” You looked so cute when you asked, and Hyejoo wanted to squeal and fall onto the floor and flail around because she could hardly believe this was happening. Instead, though, she just smiled so wide that it hurt her cheeks and reached over to gently take your hand in hers.

“I do. Do you?”

“Of course, silly.”

“Then we’re a couple.” The words felt strange to say out loud, but they also made her giddy, her heart swelling with happiness and giggles threatening to escape her mouth. You seemed to be just as happy as you scooted closer and squeezed her hand, grinning just as wide as her.

“Okay. Good. Great. Awesome.” You let out a little laugh, and Hyejoo felt like she was flying. Was this what it was like to be in love? Because it was awesome and she never wanted it to end. “I like that.”

“Yeah.” She let out the giggle she’d been holding in, ignoring the antics of her friends as she completely focused on you. “Me too.”

[imagines-mha]

Yandere! Hawks Pt 2

“Wait wait wait slow down... what happened after he pulled you into the alley?” Sero asked you with widened eyes, sitting backwards on a chair and listening intently while Kaminari stopped throwing grapes at him to listen

“I told you i can’t remember, everything just went black...” you nodded, glancing around the small crowd of friends that formed around you, listening to your story before class begun

“That was some pretty weird dream, (y/n)... but damn... i wish Hawks kidnapped me like that-“ Mina laughed, causing you to playfully slap her arm,

“It was terrifying you idiot. Even now it feels so...real...” you told them, letting your true emotions shine through. But it was true: everything went black when you were chloroformed and then suddenly you were sitting awake in your bedroom, getting ready for school the next day as you always did.

What the fuck sort of dream was it?! Why did it shake you up so bad?? Why were you still not convinced it was a dream??

Even when you told all your friends, you couldn’t manage to laugh it off like you thought you would. You hoped that their reactions would convince you furthur that it wasn’t real. Because it was true.... it had to be...dreams weren’t real....it wasn’t real...

But if it really was a dream, then why did you wake up with a mark on your collar? And why was it oddly shaped like a feather?

You decided to wait until you got your best friend alone before you became dramatic

“Mina, can we talk?” You asked her, and fortunately she noticed your tone of distress, bringing you to the bathroom. She shut the door and turned to you with a look of concern in her wide eyes, “are you okay dude?” She asked you, “you look pretty shaken up-“

“Mina the dream...” you simply stated, running your hands through your hair and gazing into the mirror, “it’s been tormenting me all day... i just i.... it doesn’t SEEM like a dream, okay?!” You sighed in frustration, turning to her

She looked puzzled, and motioned for you to explain

“The party we were at? Remember i left early?” You asked her, and she nodded, giving you at least a tiny bit of sanity back, “well i was walking through the streets when it all happened, when he touched me...and put the cloth over me and shit-“ you continued, “but when i woke up it seemed so damn real...i mean how can a dream be so accurate?!”

“Wait so you....you think Hawks’ actually tried to kidnap you?” She asked you, and you noticed the glint of humour in her eye, “are you sure?”

“Don’t give me that look” you pouted, “i’m serious Mina i promise-“ you began again, and you thankfully saw her gaze soften with the crack in your voice

“Well what makes you think it was real?” She asked you

“When i woke up my memory was clear as hell, i still had a headache, i felt terrified and i...look-“ you made sure the door was shut, before unbuttoning the first few buttons of your shirt to show her the mark left on your collarbone

Her mouth dropped open and she looked at you in utter disbelief, “what the fuck dude...” she ran a finger over it and you gasped a little due to the faint pain still there

“I’m walking you home after school, and you’re texting me til you fall asleep-“ she sternly told you, and you thanked the universe for giving you such a protective best friend

//////////////////

You got home safely after promising Mina everything was going to be fine, and decided to make yourself something to eat

Today had to be the only day your parents weren’t home, didn’t it?

You put on some (favourite singer), and made your way into the kitchen ensuring all lights were switched on. Just incase... you thought, as you blocked out the crazy thoughts from earlier

It shouldn’t have scared you as much as it did when your music changed from (f/song) to another song that wasn’t even in your playlist

The obvious explanation would be that your playlist ended and spotify had treated you with a recommended song, but the lyrics somehow suited your situation right now...

You checked the title: Choke by a band called Idkhow (if u dont know this song go listen xx)

You left it on, because you were trying to get dinner made and you were already under enough pressure. It was only like 3 minutes long, plus it had a nice beat

But when you heard the lyric ‘choke yourself to sleep’ you froze in your steps. Goosebumps made their way up your neck and suddenly you felt like you were being watched...that same feeling from...the dream....

You paused spotify and put on your favourite show while you ate to silence the screams of terror in your mind- and it actually drowned them out for a while!

After that, when your parents had come home and you felt safe again, you trekked up to your room to head to bed. Today had been super long, but you were just glad nothing else happened...well, until you lay down

Your pillow felt hard for some reason, like it had been disrupted by a crumpled up bit of paper. Or maybe you were imagining it. Surely you were imagining it. You were just being dumb, of course your pillow hadn’t changed

But it couldn’t hurt to try, right?

No. You had given into your childish fears enough today. You were falling asleep and that was final- you wouldn’t let a stupid feeling in your pillow annoy you

But you were sleeping with the lights on tonight

///////////

The next day it all happened. You knew you should have stayed at home from the moment you stepped outside to realise it was a thunderstorm

Nothing could have prepared you for the nomu attack on the way to school though.

You were walking alone, dodging puddles and carrying yourself as fast as you could to UA before you were absoloutely drenched to the point of pneumonia, when you heard the first heavy footstep.

It was only 6:30am and the street you were walking in had turned to a ghosttown. When you heard the step you jumped, and looked side to side for any hope of life around you. None.

When you saw the Nomu approach from behind a tree, and head directly for you, you fucking freaked your shit. There was literally NOONE else that it could go for, since you were coincidentally the only one left in the street- so it ploughed towards you

“This is it.... this is how this bitch dies oh fuck oh shit!!!” you thought, waiting for it to just take you. But it didn’t. Because you suddenly felt yourself being swooped into the air

By none other than Hawks himself

“Wowww there dollface-“ he began, landing softly on a rooftop and holding you in his arms, “i got you...you’re all safe with me-“

You froze. The voice, the touch was so familiar. It was just like before...

“Lucky i’m on morning patrol, huh?” He chuckled, and you fell into his golden eyes. He tried to calm you down from the Nomu, but little did he know it was him you feared

“God knows what could’ve happened to a little girl like you on her way to school, but that’s my job, right? To help girls like you-“ he reiterated just like last time. No not last time. There was no last time. Just like the dream

You held your breath, then gave a sigh of relief when he let you go again

“I’ll drop you to school- oh and hey, give me your number and text me when you get there safely-“

You stared at his cocky smirk, puzzled, but he cut you off before you even had a chance to speak

“Boss’ orders, we don’t want you getting hurt, do we?” He winked, exchanging numbers with you before escorting you to school and bidding you a flirty goodbye

Classic Hawks

////////////

But the encounters didn’t stop there. He would begin by calling you the moment school ended to ask if you had gotten there safe, then when you got home, to ask if you had gotten home safe, and then in the morning...the moment you woken up...to make sure you slept safely

The one thing the calls all had in common was their timing. It was fair that he knew what time school finished, but coming home? And waking up? How was he so accurate?

Soon, after a few months, you weren’t as frightened anymore. The calls were quite blatant: just asking about your safety and whatnot (to which all of your friends basked in jealousy over) and the dream had almost slipped your mind!

Hawks was actually a pretty cool guy!

You’d seen him more on TV, and how he interacted so sweetly with fans. After being saved by him, you felt like you both formed a sort of bond. Plus, you were now known throughout the class as ‘Hawks’ muse’- which wasn’t bad at all. Who doesn’t want a pro hero fussing over them?

Plus, the phonecalls were getting a little more frequent and a hell of a lot more fun. It was safe to say you had developed a tiny crush on this hero

He would call and ask about your day before telling you about his, and he would say the funniest things to hear your laugh ring down the phone to him

You began to text a lot too, and little ‘are you safe? ❤️’ messages turned to good morning/ night messages

And soon you were texting all day everyday, and Hawks felt like home. He’d always care about everything you said, always remember tiny details that you often forgot (appointments, homework etc), and he always seemed to be there when you texted to answer right away

He made you feel more organised, more loved and 100% more happy than you were before. You didn’t even remember a life without him, which was so strange to say but it was true. Everything you did was you and Hawks. And you loved it...

Until you told him about the dream

You were on skype with him one night, and he was wearing an old band t shirt and sipping some hot chocolate. You were both giggling over nothing because it was 2am and you both had school and work tomorrow but right now they didn’t matter, nothing did except for you both....

“Hawks wait i didn’t tell you about my dream-“ you laughed down the phone and he listened to hear it

When you told him, you were a giggling mess, asking him how you could be so stupid as to be afraid of someone so sweet...but he didn’t retaliate the actions

Instead he snickered, and set down his cup, “princess i think it’s time for you to get yourself to sleep...you have that test tomorrow, remember?” He suddenly said, and the whole atmosphere switched

You didn’t even know you had a test tomorrow.

///////////////

Unfortunately things didn’t magically change from here on in. In fact, life with Hawks was fucking suffocating to say the least

How did he know everything about you? How the hell was he so informed about your whereabouts all the time? And how the hell hadn’t you noticed this before?

He’d always bring you to school, wait for you until you got home, then sit with you in your house until bedtime. Even then, you weren’t too sure when he actually left, because he was ready the next morning to take you again

It was like he was...trying to make you dependent on him....

You were on a rollercoaster with him all right, but the bar suddenly wasn’t moving to let you out for a break and instead it was starting to pick up it’s speed

So you told him...like anyone would

“Hawks, i-“

“Yes dollface?”

“I think that we should uh... have some time... alone-“

He laughed. A cruel-toned laugh in your face like you had just been the victim of the biggest prank in the world and he was the culprit

“Alone? You think you could survive alone without me?” He almost spat. His tone matched the one from that night you told him about the dream: unimpressed and defensive

“Well um...yes i-“

“Who would remember your appointments? And your tests? Who would tell you when you need something? Who would help you with stuff? Who would-“

“Hawks that’s not normal...” you averted your gaze, and his strong hand cupped your cheeks

“Look at me when i’m speaking to you.” He tilted his face and you quickly nodded...just like the dream

“You think i give a fuck about normal?! You couldn’t go a week without me y/n...” he snarled

You were convinced you could, and tried to fight your case, but he was having none of it

“This is for you...your own good- I’m protecting you!” He argued, eyebrows furrowed

“You’re suffocating me!” You suddenly shrieked, and the last thing you saw was the flat palm of his hand reaching out to your face

It was so quick that you couldn’t even retaliate- because the ear-splitting slap sounded and suddenly everything went black again.

[saltine-kakyoin]

🎶 for SERGIO (bc i love him v much!!!) Also im deep into the choir rabbithole on youtube bc of u rn😘😭

BRO i am going to snap Extra Hard on this because it’s your birthday and you deserve it 🥺🥺🥺 also yessss, the choir rabbithole is my Favorite one to go down, ahh. let me know which songs you’re vibing to!! c:

bro I am gonna have to rabbithole for this bit, oh man.. sergio anthonio joestar is a really good character to playlist for, but somehow i don’t listen to much for him beyond the 6 in the last post. 😤✊

don’t wanna fight- this song rings more like a plea for compromise + an expression of exhaustion, so it’s not 100% a perfect fit for sergio, but! the frustration with conflict is definitely a Sergio Thing. he just wants to raise his son, dio, what the heck >:’( I think it’s also a fun nod back to his childhood- when he was a kid, the thought of Dio scared him shitless but there was still a part of him that was like, “I could take him!! 1v1 me at Hell Climb Pillar!”- once sergio’s older and trying to plan his wedding and raise his son, he’s not as eager about the idea. The exhaustion at the end of the song applies really well to his character arc :(

gimme all your love- another alabama shakes song, ahh…they just really strike me as sergio’s kind of band. admittedly, this song is more tomoko’s song, but in the same way as joseph, it only applies when sergio’s an active player in the plot. Sergio is super quick to be like “Tomoko, I love you but i Cannot marry you yet” once he feels Dio’s presence in Japan- Tomoko understands his anxieties once he explains the Joestar Family Scourge to her, but it doesn’t make the postponing any less of a stinging wound. This song makes me think of the initial breakdown in communication between them as Sergio begins spiraling and Tomoko’s efforts to drag him out of that and to address the issue of Dio. I’d never heard this song before, but I really love it now! The frustration + the reaching out are really painful and sad to listen to, especially through the guitar rift and final cry. also, “You say the world, it doesn’t fit with you/ Why don’t you talk to me for just a little while?I can only try to make it right” in the scope of tomoko and sergio is just… *chef crying in the back pews of an abandoned church*

let my love be heard- THIS SONG :powercry: this song strikes me as more of a plea for one’s love to be heard by someone they’ve lost, but my interpretation for sergio is a little different.. “my own lost bird” in this setting refers to sergio’s own dying soul, and it’s more of a plea to whatever powers may be that Joseph will get his final message, and that his efforts to protect his family won’t be in vain. let his love be heard, if nothing else. i can really envision the part around 3:16 cinematically being like.. where he passes on and his soul joins the other joestars whose lives were ruined or cut short by dio, and then all of their willpower coming together to conglomerate alongside jotaro’s own spirit, leading to the manifestation of star platinum around 4:35. while this would be a fine point to leave off, i like to imagine the quiet, somber end as like.. the aftermath of sergio’s death- suad waking up in a puddle of his blood + realizing she’s done something Horrible + subsequently defecting from dio’s side and giving him the best burial she can with her own trembling hands.

daemon irrepit callidus- THIS SONG AHH. i have loved this song since i was in the 8th grade ahh. i’ve wanted to sing it for years but the opportunity hasn’t arisen yet. 3 anyhow! this performance in particular (i have issues with almost all recordings of daemon, even this one fhgh) i think captures the drama of sergio’s flight into egypt really well, and alludes back to how Dio was and still is this deeply horrific character to him- “The Demon sneaks expertly/ Tempting the honorable heart/ He sets forth trickery amidst praise, song and dance.” the dynamics and sharp entrances are very reminiscent of sergio’s turbulent emotions.

set me as a seal- this is one of the most beautiful songs ever written, i am not taking suggestions at this time. I just watched the Tomb of Ligeia for class, so i’m like v smitten with the concept of one’s own willpower dominating death and even god. of course, this ties back into his death and his spirit being present in star platinum and crazy diamond. “Many waters cannot quench love. Neither can the floods drown it.” is such a beautiful lyric, ahhhh

honorable mention this round goes to o salutaris hostia, which to me has always been a song for kakyoin and caesar but is also REALLY fitting for sergio? In the SDA, the crusaders owe a LOT to sergio and his passing. Without Suad overhearing him begging Joseph to seek out Abdul and then seeking him out herself + spilling the beans on all of Dio’s minions that she’s encountered, they wouldn’t know the bare bones of a good portion of Dio’s initial unit of Stand users. Of course, Abdul knows of a good amount of them, but Suad is the one who supplements and completes his knowledge because she is the one who was There and saw their abilities personally. Without Joseph being destroyed by news of Sergio’s passing + requesting a larger Speedwagon presence in Cairo, Kakyoin would be dead, and Polnareff and Iggy would be pretty close to it themselves. :( sergio’s death sucks, but it ameliorates a ton of little details and painful parts of sdc canon so… we lov u salutaris hostia… 3

ONE FINAL HONORABLE MENTION goes to seven last words from the cross- this song.. ohh my god this song scalped me the first time i listened to it. I listen to it a lot when i write sergio, i’m not sure why i didn’t think of it before... this post is getting a bit long so i won’t go crazy go stupid about this song, but. the”deus meus, utquid dereliquisti me?” + “consummatus est.” + “commendo spiritum...pa.....ter” sections specifically are REALLY GOOD for sergio. 4:55-6:09 in particular is also like. necessary to listen to. i dropped my phone the first time i heard it. gotta love seven last words from the building column impaling your lungs + torso, amirite?

[moonraccoon-exe]

Hi Coonie! I'm your recent Ignis and Gladio Anon, and I wanted to drop you a note to say I adore your replies to the asks I've sent you. They make me smile so much, and I'm so glad that they could help you feel better. Hmn? Will I stop? No. Never. ♥ Unless you want me to that is! Although I should say they plan on visiting you again soon so we'll have to scoop the molten puddle that is you off the floor and get you ready for the next time they come to visit. ♥ With love - Gladnis Anon

BUT WHY WOULD I WANT YOU TO STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP SHRIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

HOLY

MOTHER

OF 

COWS

IT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*TACKLES WITH ALL THE POWER OF MY LOVE WHICH IS LIKE WOWEE GIGANORMOUS U DED NOW BUT GONNA BE ALIVE AGAIN SOON DON’T WORRY NO KILL IN THIS SAFE PLACE IT’S JSUT A RETHORICAL EXPRESSION TO EXPRESS HOW MUCH OF MY RACCOONIE MAGICAL WUV I’M THROWING UR WAY*

*SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM*

HONESTLY BUDDY I’D PUT MORE GIFS HERE I WANT TO PUT A GLOMP ONE AND MAYBE A FALIL BUT I’LL MAKE YOUR PHONE/DESKTOP CRASH LMAO IT OKAY JUST KNOW I’M HYPER TURBO EXCITED TO BE ANSWRING TO YOU AND I KNOW IT’S BEEN SO LONG AND OMG THIS IS GETING SO LONG I’M SORRY I’M TERRIBLE AT ANSWERING SHORT I HAVE TOO MUCH HYPE AND EMOTIONS AND THERE’S NO OTHER WAY TO LET THEM OUT OKAY THANK U I JUST AM SO H  AP  P E H AND EXCITED AKLSJDLKGJD OMG IT U YOU TOOK THE TIME AND THE BEAUTIFUL GESTURE TO WRITE A NOTE AS YOURSELF AND I’M V I B R A TI N G WITH EXCCITE DMKADGMHF BECAUSA EOHGFHM IT’S LIKE RECEIVING GIFTS AT MY DOOR AND I CAN LEAVE BEHIND A NOTE SAYING THANKS BUT IT AIN’T THE SAME THAN SAYING THANKS TO UR FACE THEN YOU DROP BY AS YOURSELF AND I’M THERE LIKE SHRIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK ABBLE TO SAY THANKS TO YOUR FACE SO BE PREPARED I SMACK U WITH

THANK YOU

ASKLDJFALKDGJDLKHAJLKGAJDKLADJ SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM

okAY OKay lemme add a keep reading here real quick aksldjfklgjafh

GLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS ANOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNN!!!!!!!!

IT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*TACKLE-HUGS YOU AND SNUGGLES TIGHTLY*

HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡

*SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZEEEEEEES* ( ˙꒳​˙ )❤

Seriously, I feel so HAPPY and so excited to be answering this ask!! It really does feel as I said above, like I received gifts but they were always left there, and now it u here!!! GODS DAMN ME, THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME AND GESTURE TO WRITE TO ME!!!!!! HEWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Aaaw, hahaha, thank you so much!! I’m happy that you like my replies to your asks. I mean, I stay short anyway because YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOUR ASKS HAVE DONE TO ME LIKE KALSDJFDLKAGJHFALKGJA THEY TAKE MY FEELINGS AND TOSS THEM AROUND LIKE A RAG DOLL IN THE MIDDLE OF TWO TORNADOS SPINNING AROUND WITH NO CONTROL AT ROCKET SPEED WHILE SCREEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAMINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Lords and ladies above in the heavens, YOUR ASKS ARE JUST. GLORY. ABSOLUTE EXQUISITE DELIGHTS TO READ AND RECEIVE IT’S LIKE…LOOK I DON’T EVEN HAVE A DESCRIPTION, IT’S JUST PERFECT. The fact that someone takes the time to write to me little stories of Gladnis pampering and spoiling me I MEAN

HAH

WHAT THE 

FUCK

HOW AM I SO GODDAMN BLESSED ASKLDJFDG AHKL JALKGAJG SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

*THROWS A TANTRUM*

Gladnis is my OTP and Gladdy and Iggy both by separate are two of my faves aND I HAVE A GIGANORMOUS CRUSH ON BOTH OF THEM SO READING YOUR ASKS MAKES ME GO HFDGKJKGJKLGDAKLGDKJGDKLJSGJLLGKDJ DLFKHDFJHLKDJ AND THE SYSTEM (MY SYSTEM) CRASHES AND I DIE MOMENTARILY FAHK

Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I’m so happy to know my replies make you smile!! Haha, WE BOTH WIN! AIN’T THAT FANTASTIC?!?! Like, you make me happy and- OH MY GOD I JUST NOTIC- I MEAN OF COURSE IT’D MAKE YOU HAPPY!! It’s just natural, you gift happiness, you receive it back! BUT I REALLY. HAVE TO HIGHLIGHT THAT LAMENTABLY YOU DON’T RECEIVE HALF OF THE HAPPINESS YOU GIVE ME BECAUSE S R IOU SLY HONESTLY GODS HAVE MERCY ON ME YOUR ASKS MAKE ME EXPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE IN UNCONTROLLABLY JOY THAT’S TOO MUCH TO FIT IN MY BODYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

GASPS

THEY PLAN TO WHAT?!!??!?!?!?!?!

BUT I’M NOT….RE A DY AKLDFJGKF GNLKH KFGKM FKLGF ((honestly I never am lmao)) LOOKIE MY HAIR IS NOT. GOOD I’M SMELLY AND MY SOCKS ARE RIDICULOUS I’M NOT PREAPRED OMG MY BOYFRIENDS ARE COMING OVER AND I’M AN IDIOT THAT’S NEVER READY BECAUSE MY BOYFRIENDS ARE SO GORGEOUS AND FANTASTIC HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE UNIVERSE DOESN’T COLLAPSE FROM HOLDING THE WEIGHT OF THEIR PERFECTIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

*EXPLODES*

AShfkadgklhjflkhfdj gkaldjf lakh jlafkhafjkljslkfdjalkhj omg yes I need halp, pls do scoop this molten puddle because I GO BACK TO REMEMBER ABOUT THAT LAST ASK AND I MELT OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND I DON’T WANT MY BOYFRIENDS TO WALK IN AND FIND ME IN THIS SHAMEFUL EMBARRASSING STATE LMAO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

“With love” I MEAN I’VE NOTICED

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECCCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

LIKE YOU DON’T EVEN NEED TO TRY YOU’VE THROWN LOVE ENOUGH AT ME FOR LIKE THE NEXT DECADE HFDGJDKJHGD BUT DON’T STOP WHY WOULD I WANT YOU TO STOP OHMYGAMMWKDJ  I’M BECOMING STUPID AGAIN HALP AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*SMACKS YOU WITH ALL THE POWER OF MY LOVE*

HONESTLY THERE’S NO WAY TO THANK YOU ENOUGH, BUDDY. LIKE, I CAN TRY AND BURY YOU IN A MOUNTAIN OF RACCOONIE LOVE BUT DO I GET ANYWHERE NEAR THANKING YOU ENOUGH?

NEIN.

ASDHFkdaladjflkasjgalkdjgakdgjdaklgajgl aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, but seriously, thank you so much!!!! Taking the time to write an ask is something I always treasure, and thank you as well for not just writing to me, but making it so fantastic!!! By the way, you’ve got a pretty way with words. I hope you write fanfic because you’d be blessing the fic side of fandom; you’ve got a very pretty way with words and wonderful grammar! I mean, I don’t speak the language as a first, so I can’t judge you on that, but what I mean is your punctuation is wonderful and well done and you write with no typos and stuff. It’s a delight!!!

But I’m digressing aksljdkadgjdaklgdjag

I was saying that I really appreciate that you take the time to write to me, and I appreciate so much that you’ve been so creative and have been writing those Gladnis + Raccoonie ask. :3 

BY THE WAY I HAVE AN ARTWORK OF THAT DO YOU WANT TO SEE IT AKSDJDKGJ LMAO but more than the third partner, I BE THEIR PET. IT’S HONESTLY ONE OF THE CUTEST THINGS I’VE DRAWN AHAHAHA

Thank you so much for everything, buddy!!! And besides your gorgeous asks, this ask radiates this color that…hnghng. How do I explain. I don’t know, buddy, but everyone radiates a color through the way they write their asks to me, and you look so…vibrant and colorful and bright omg YOU HAVE SUCH A PRETTY PRECIOUS COLOR, AND WITH THIS ASK ALONE I CAN STRONGLY SMELL KINDNESS AND A VERY GOOD SOUL AND HONESTLY HOW THE FUCK DO I DO IT TO BE BLESSED WITH GOOD PEOPLE TALKING TO ME AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*SMACKS YUO WITH LOVE*

YOU GORGEOUS CREATURE MOST MARVELOUS HOOMAN.

Ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, but not gonna make this too long, sorry!! 

SO THAT’S THAT! ヽ(・ω・)ﾉ

BUDDY

ONCE MORE

Thank you LOTS for taking the time to write to me and for all the wonderful things you’ve sent me!!! 

I HOPE YOU’RE HAVING A MOST FANTASTIC DAY OR NIGHT! DO RECEIVE LOTS OF RACCOONIE HUUUUUUUGS! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

[huangfilms]

College!Jungwoo

summary: wow i can’t seem to get my umbrella op— OH GOSH I THINK I JUST HIT YOUR CROTCH || meet-ugly au (LMAO)

requested by: @doyuwung (thank you queen!!)

(A/N) my first request! love u queen thank u for requesting! okay i don’t know how this is all gonna go,, but lets hope for the best! ummmm pls leave me some feedback! a girl is STILL self concious but here we are!! but anyway,, lets get started QUEENS 😪 also omg this isnt even a college au so... clickbait?????? its barely mentioned but its there!! hope u enjoy anyway

it was a rainy day at your campus and u were NOT having a good day

u woke up LATE

u didnt eat anything BECAUSE u were late and u didnt even drink coffee

oh and ur stupid umbrella wouldnt open

you were speed walking to ur first class while trying to open it right? w ell

u stopped for like TWO seconds trying to open it and then BAM

u got it to open but then u heard a thud right in front of u and u F ROZE

SO you start moving your umbrella REALLY slowly to see what the FRI CK fell and mid way u heard a groan of pain omg u feel so ba d

“d-did i just hit ur crotch oh gosh” as if this day couldnt get any worse

THE PERSON U HIT WAS THE CUTEST?? GUY?? YOUVE EVER?? SEEN??? wtf

well now theres a guy in front of u, rolling in the wet floor, holding his crotch and is in p a i n

and u had no idea what the HELL U WERE SUPPOSED TO DO

but u had to get to class so u rushed out an apology and RAN

the whole time in class u felt so guilty omgjdjcjsj

BUT U HAVE NO TIME TO THINK ABOUT THINGS OTHER THAN SCHOOL SINCE UR BEHIND ON THE NOTES

so anyway you go to lunch to meet up with ur bestie xuxi since the rain has cleared up a bit

and he says that he wants you to meet his other friend that recently transferred here

and on your way u spot him and see someone with him, but the person has their back to you so you cant see them

but when u DO see them all you want to do is hide in a corner and hope that your red cheeks l e a v e

BECAUSE SURPRISE!! ITS THE GUY U HIT IN THE CROTCH WITH YOUR UMBRELLA!!

and u contemplate turning and texting yukhei that u dont feel well bUT HE SEES U

and he waves you over with so much enthusiasm that the guy turns around and he freezes

and so do you

oof he changed his clothes from this morning i mean who wouldnt the poor dude was in a PUDDLE holding his crotch smh abby

so you turn bright red again while slowly approaching them

and yukhei gives you the biggest smile and says “i want you to meet my friend jungwoo”

and ur all like hahahhdhshdhs hi jungwoo im y/n

and then u cringe and ur about to tell yukhei that haha u hit this guy in the crotch earlier today

but jungwoo beats you to it but hes ?? grinning?? ok man u probs ruined his chance to have kids but i mean i guess

and it looks like they been talking ing about it cause yukhei just LAUGHS so hard while saying “omg SHE was the one who hit you?? course she would” LMAOOOO

yukhei wtf whats that supposed to mean

ANYWAY you take a seat and avoid his eyes cause even tho u already said sorry u still feel guilty

so u are just,,, there,,,

and for a while u dont really talk and just eat some food

but like after an hour yukhei says that hes gonna go buy something and leaves u and jungwoo

together

alone

and cue the crickets my dudes

but anyway you two looked up at the same time and tried to speak and u guys do that Super Cliche thing

and then u eventually talk saying how sOrry u were BECAUSE U FELT SO BAD CNSNXN

And all he was doing Was Smiling w t f

and so he just laughs a little and he says that hey it was an accident!!! no problem!!

so you guys start to talk and start to get to know each other

he even offers to buy you a new umbrella HAHAHDNSN but hes joking cause u both are 🅱️roke college students

its been 3 hours: yukhei is gone

oop but you dont care u made a new friend 😪😪 and so u guys swap numbers cause its getting late and u gotta go

and he walks u back to ur dorm (A GENTLEMAN 🤧🤧)

and yall part ways !!

but after that!!! you guys talk and talk and talk and yukhei : living for it

although hes annoyed that ALL U DO IS TALK ABT JUNGWOO LMAOOO he still lives for it

and jungwoo just talks about you all the time 😪😪😪 but u dont need to know that

and so time skip 2 months

and u guys are mutually pining after each other but u guys are literal headasses so u dont know that u guys like each other

and all of ur friends know that u guys like each other

u guys r just oblivious smh

BUT that all McChanges when jungwoo asks u to hang out at the park with him

bro this aint even a college au anymore

when you meet him at the park u get c o n f u s e d because u cant see him anywhere

he texts you saying to walk to the fower field cause he got a SURPRISE for u

and when u do walk there, theres this BIG TREE RIGHT!! and hanging from the tree are umbrellas of all shapes and sizes and u want to LAUGH

cause!! u hit him with one wow but there are also!!! words!!!

‘You remind me of a thunderstorm,,,, positively striking get it cause u STRIKED him in the nuts,,, will u be mine?’

and u want to laugh so hard but all u can do is smile so so so big because!! he asked u out!! he likes u too!!

so u run to him and jump into his arms and then!! u fall on the ground oop

but he still catches you :,) and you guys!! kiss!!

the kiss is short and sweet cause theres so much adrenaline and u just feel so many emotions

so u guys are together now,,,

ANYWAY!! bf college jungwoo!!!

cute ! as ! heck ! because he gets you coffee and waits for you when your class is about to end

he always walks you to your dorm and sometimes comes in to just: sleep

and cuddle

and kiss

good life,,, im suffering,,,

and he walks you to ur classes

AND WHEN ITS RAINY HE HANDLES THE UMBRELLA 😪 he even bought u a new one

when ppl ask how u two met u always cringe but he LAUGHS omg

and he says that u attacked him with ur umbrella but hey!! its good!!

but anyway!!! u guys would be the god tier uwu power couple at ur college cause everyone loves u two

u two are so soft for each other and just SOFT IN GENERAL

and u guys are just living the good life with each other :’)))

life is so good

anywho!!! end!!! jungwoo is the REALL UWU KING😪😪 his as ur bf: real uwu hours since hes so freaking sweet

Masterlist

[call-me-za]

Introvert Prompt 32 Entry

This is based on the wolfstar introvert prompt found here ----> @introvert-club

"Sirius is caught passing notes in class, and to their horror, the teacher reads the note aloud to the class."

________________

Sirius always struggled to stay awake in History of Magic. It's not that the syllabus was boring, in fact Sirius found the work rather fascinating, it was Professor Binns completely drear way of presenting the work that put him off. The midday heat paired with the Professor's monotone drawl provided the perfect condition for a nap. Apart from that, Sirius often spent his days fooling around instead of working in class, leaving him with many late nights of catching up. His best mate James, the definition of the term 'mother hen,' had recently been trying to focus on classes. He claimed that it was out of necessity as he didn't want to do badly in exams and then get rejected from the workfield leaving him to die alone and unhappy in some back alley in a dodgy area. In all honesty James had always had spectacular grades. Sirius suspected James's new 'good-student' act was simply to impress his long term crush.

James, being the obnoxious bloke that he was, forced Sirius to behave with him. Thus as Sirius was about to doze off he was hit in the head with a squashed ball of paper. Glaring at James he opened up the crumpled page to read over the terrible handwriting.

"Quit daydreaming about Moony and pay attention! If I have to suffer through the lesson then so do you!!!"

To which Sirius quickly responded, starting a flow of messages to and fro between the boys. Needless to say, James was no longer paying attention.

"As always, your handwriting is absolutely atrocious.

a) Moony was the last thing on my mind thank you very much. I just so happened to be tired because somebody kept me up last night to do a completely unnecessary transfiguration project.

b) Neither of us need be awake at present you git. I don't see why you're dragging me into this, you're cruel James, C. R. U. E. L. "

"Your face is atrocious. Also, who uses the word atrocious?? Forget Padfoot, I ought to be calling you Posh. Are you sure it's me who kept you up last night? Transfiguration didn't take all that long. It had to be somebody else 😉, I'll bet you stayed up last night thinking about Moony. You're Moony over Moony. Hah!"

"You're utterly illogical and impossible to speak to. I can't converse with such. If you insist on pestering me on my furry issue then you can suffer through this class alone."

"Denial at it's finest. "

"I never denied whatever it is that you're on about, I simply haven't confirmed it either. "

"That's not true Posh, your blush 'confirms' enough.  Someone's in luuurvee."

The last note did nothing but further redden Sirius's cheeks. He glanced up at Remus finding relief at the sight of the boy working diligently, completely unaware of Sirius's conversation with James. He then turned around and not so subtly threw James an artful image of his middle finger, directly in the view of Professor Binns. Needless to say, Professor Binns was not impressed. He walked over to assess Sirius's workbook and proceeded to find his note with James. Without hesitation, the man picked it up and read it aloud to the class. He got through Sirius's bit with ease but stumbled when trying to read what James had attempted to write.  The class in general looked confused, not knowing who Moony was, but a few braver classmates snickered in Sirius's way. The issue with this situation was not his classmates' reactions, the issue was that Moony knew who Moony was, and Sirius dreaded what Moony would think.

He dared not look in Remus's direction, his Gryffindor bravery failing him.  It's not just the rejection that troubled Sirius, it was Remus's nature. Remus would be kind enough to not bring the situation up with Sirius, but not as a mercy to Sirius but an avoidance of his own. He never entered a relationship, whether he liked the other person or not. Remus didn't believe that he deserved to be in a romantic relationship. The boy always looked down on himself and often questioned his own will to live. Sirius had helped relieve Remus in regard to his his personal issues, but the help caused Remus an immense amount of guilt. This would add to his guilt, perhaps cause Remus to distance himself from Sirius. Apart from that, Sirius had never been open about his bisexuality. Remus was new turf, and only a select few had knowledge of Sirius's attraction to males. Remus was no simple crush, Sirius couldn't see himself going through life without Remus by his side. It was tantamount to Sirius that he sorted things out with Remus.

Being brash by nature he put his fear aside and approached Remus as soon as the lesson ended, asking to speak to him. Not speak as in their usual banter and playfulness, but proper, vulnerable communication. Remus rarely displayed his feelings, it was no easy task to get him to admit to his emotions. His mouth spewed logic, Remus thought through everything. That's why Remus was the first person Sirius truly connected to when he got to Hogwarts. He immediately clicked with James, and later with Peter too but that was playful and meaningless: fun and wit. With Remus he actually felt understood. Being raised by a Slytherin family Sirius was initially more internally controlled. He held all the Gryffindor traits, but there was lot of Slytherin in the boy too. Remus was one of the rare few that appealed to both halfs of who he was.

Remus was visibly uncomfortable about the subject matter. He stiffened when Sirius requested to speak, and turned to James for a way out. James merely sent the boys a sympathetic smile and turned to leave. Despite all the tension and uncertainty in Remus's stature, Sirius couldn't help but notice the deep blush on the Remus's cheeks. He was certain that it couldn't have been caused by embarrassment alone.

"Look, Moony, it was just James-"

"Is it true?"

"That depends on which part of the note you're referring to."

"Look, I know that James tends to exaggerate, and that I'm probably overreacting, but don't play with me like this. Do you or do you not care for me romantically?" Remus's ears turned scarlet, joining his cheeks. He was trying to be calm, to be logical about things but it was obvious that the the boy was in no good state of mind. He felt frantic. Remus would never enter a relationship with Sirius (or so he thought) but a small piece of him couldn't help but light up at the idea of Sirius caring for him. He wanted Sirius to reply with a rejection, but the thought of the note being false still crushed Remus.

Sirius looked Remus directly in the eyes, almost as of he were challenging him. "It's more than true Remus. I'm in love with you." His Gryffindor side ruled once again, straight to the point, absolutely no tact or forethought.

Remus wanted to be angry, he wanted to act unaffected and sorry. He didn't want to feel the hope that burned in his chest, or intend for his face to further burn up. He didn't want the corners of his lips to raise in a half smile. He wanted to not reciprocate Sirius's feelings. Remus was in shock, and he didn't understand why. Sirius was never subtle about his crushes, he should have picked it up. In his strange mix of emotion, he hugged Sirius firmly. It was only when Sirius relaxed in his grip did Remus realised exactly what he was doing. With a struggling internal sigh he let go of Sirius.

"I'm sorry Padfoot, I'm sorry." With barely a whisper he left Sirius standing blankly in the hallway.

Sirius was distraught. For a minute second he had considered the idea of Remus caring for him back. Caring for him in the same way Sirius cared for Remus. He realised, staring at the empty space where Remus once stood, that he was incorrect. Remus Lupin was far above his league. He was so Stupid! He actually thought that he stood a chance, it was embarrassing.

Sirius rushed to the closest bathroom, locking himself in a stall. He squeezed his eyes closed, rocking back and forth trying his utmost not to cry out loud. He could hear his mother's voice chiding him, "Black boys don't cry. Show some dignity child!"

He didn't consider himself a Black any longer but a large shame still washed over him at his vulnerability. The more he tried to calm himself the more the tears flowed. For months he had been able to keep his feelings away from Remus, even James took a while to figure it out. If only he could have stretched out a little longer.

He felt his prospects crash. The surrounding sounds of school and chatter and taps running began to thrum louder and louder thundering in his skull. On one side of his mind he saw Remus slipping away and in the other his mother taunted him for his brokenness, for thinking that a traitor like him deserved to be loved.

If at that point, anybody had managed to peep into the second stall in the third floor bathroom they would have been met with a dismal sight. A black dog lay crumpled in a whimpering ball. His tears formed part of the dirty puddle he lay in.

[hermholland]

I did a little creative writing tonight. I’m not really sure if it’s much of anything, but it helped me get something out of my head. I’ve done no drafts, spell-checking, or reworking. It is exactly as it first came out.

The sun was just rising when I got out of bed. Through the side of my curtains I could see that harsh type of morning light that looks unpleasant from whatever side of sleep you see it. My cheeks reported the cold that would make me reluctant to get out from under my quilt for the next 10 or so minutes, conceding only an arm with which to retrieve the clothes I had set out for the day. I got dressed from the comfort and warmth of my bed, then braved the cold to sit up. I had yet to open my eyes for more than a second or two at a time, and I blindly felt out my glasses on the bedside table, knocking a couple of pens onto the floor as I did so. My eyelids protested their activity immediately. I found my walking boots, slipped them on, and closed my eyes once again while tying the laces. After gathering my necessary accoutrements, I stepped in to the bathroom and splashed icy cold water over my face. I then took my glasses off, dried them off, and splashed my face for a second time (feeling like an idiot).

The house itself was asleep apart from myself, so I was careful to be as quiet as possible. This wasn't enough to keep me undetected by my dog, whose footsteps I heard only a minute or so after I had gotten down stairs. As ever when she had been sleeping, Jess approached me with an arched back, wagging with her whole rear half, with lidded eyes and lowered ears. I knelt down to greet her, and she pushed her head into my stomach, moving to sit against me as I petted her and told her she was a good girl in a whispered voice. She was warm to the touch, which meant she had been asleep under someones quilt before coming to see me. I thought how lovely it would be to get back in to bed, especially because Jess would probably follow me and make the bed especially cosy. But no; I had made plans, and as tireed as I was, I wanted to see them through. It had been a while since I had taken a trip somewhere simply for the sake of doing it, and I had been looking forward to it since making the decision. No craving for sleep was getting in the way of my proactive intentions. I gave Jess a couple of dog biscuits, after which she had a drink and then stayed by my side while I sorted myself to go out. Padded coat, lock chain, gloves, helmet, and keys.

I went out the back door and sat on my motorbike. I could feel the chill in the air through all my layers and padding immediately. I slipped my gloves on, and scooted backwards through the garage door as I had done more than a hundred times before. The sunlight had changed from the harsh and cold blueish gray to a warmer, but sleepy yellowish gold. With barely a cloud in the sky, it looked to be a beautiful day. I was beginning not to notice the cold already, and my excitement towards my plans returned. In a final attempt to preserve the sleep of the rest of my household, I walked my bike to the end of the driveway before starting the engine (which was quiet anyway). It spluttered in to life, and sounded as sleepy as I felt while it struggled to stay running in its cold state. I pulled off, and turned directly in to the sun (thank goodness for tinted goggles).

The ride out was quiet, as most people were still likely to be in bed, and I enjoyed having the freedom of the roads. The ride up to the forest was nice, and even the cold didn't bother me much. In fact; the chilled air helped clear my head of sleepiness somewhat.

I hadn't taken this trip for a long time, so I was unsure as to where I could park the bike. I passed one place to park and had to turn around to find it again. I locked my helmet under the seat, and chained up the back wheel, and set off down what looked like a path in to the forest. In the past I'd loved woodland areas, and the sight of them or idea of walking in them always filled me with a sense of wonder and happiness. Over time, however, that had faded somewhat, and the sudden overwhelming desire to revisit was wholly unexpected. It was a welcome surprise, though; for several years I'd just been carrying on with things without really engaging in any of the things I used to love, and it had occurred to me that my life had become pretty stale. I was more than happy when I realised that I was reconnecting with some of the things that used to make me happy.

The path itself was little more than a worn away groove in the mud along a route that people used as a shortcut across the area. Once I reached the point where the path rejoined the road I decided to take a detour into the forest-proper. I'd paid little-to-no attention while I followed the path, running on autopilot as if I were trying to get somewhere rather than just enjoying the experience. Once I turned off I began to notice the environment a little more. I realised that, from where I stood, I could no longer see the sun. The warm yellow glow had developed in to quite a nice sunny day, but from inside the forest all the colour seemed to have drained away. Even the trees themselves were a dark grey, looking like tall, grotesque buildings in a city at night. The ground was a fetid swamp of blackened grit that shifted underfoot like cardboard over a puddle. The air was heavy and moist, and it clung to the back of my throat and left a gamey metallic taste in my mouth. From beyond the scratching of branches, and the occasional condescending chittering of birds, I could hear the distant drone of the occasional car which made the whole scenario feel more desolate. It would be okay, I thought; once I'd gotten a little deeper in to the forest, perhaps things would seem more pleasant. If that were in any way true, then I never got that deep in to the forest.

The late winter trees showed absolutely no signs of life. Even though I could hear birds and, to a lesser extent, squirrels, I never saw sight nor sign of any wildlife on my walk. I could picture them on high branches, looking down on me and mocking me with their grating calls. I'd look up, wondering if I might see them grouped above me, or maybe even just a nest, but there was nothing except the cold grey light of the sun crawling through jagged branches. I hadn't been paying attention to my footing, and suddenly I was falling. I had stepped on a mossy tree root, and slipped clean off my feet. I landed on a corner of the root with the side of my hip that sent a wave of pain in all directions, and an aftershock through my nerves down to my toes. I stayed where I had landed, sat on the soggy ground with the leg on my injured side stuck out in front, and the heels of my hands dug in on either side of me. I sighed; the taste was more earthy from down here, and it felt like the air was filled with microscopic spiders that crawled over my lips and tongue. I was done.

Tentatively, I stood up, trying to avoid placing too much weight on my now throbbing leg, and staying away from the mossy root. Fairly certain of the direction that I had come in, I retraced my steps through the changeless tangle. It took barely two minutes for doubt to set in. I've always had a pretty good sense of direction, and can discern through landmarks if I'm going at least vaguely the right way, but all of the trees looked pretty much the same, and I hadn't noticed any landmarks to navigate by. Whether or not I was going the right way, I felt that it was important not to keep changing my mind (so as not to retrace the same small patch of ground multiple times). This forest wasn't enormous, and I felt sure that if I stuck to one direction then it wouldn't take me all that long to reach the outside. Without the ability to navigate, my mind began to wander, until I found myself grumbling aloud to nothing. I berated myself on the stupidity of taking a trip like this purely because I'd liked doing so in the past. I told myself that all I remembered was clearly the novelty of the idea, and not the real-life application. That, after all this time I was hardly the same person I had been back when I enjoyed forest walks, and I clearly didn't suit the endeavour. And that just because I decided to do something, I shouldn't expect that something to adhere to my expectations. I was miserable, and filled with self-loathing. My frame of mind had descended so rapidly to a point where it seemed like everything had always been doomed to fail, and that I was wrong about my own emotions. Later on I would realise that most of what I had been griping about was wrong, and that my only real mistake was to not take the full picture in to consideration: I had remembered walks in forests from Summer and early Autumn, and a Winter forest is an entirely different thing. But at that moment I was cold, damp, in pain, and couldn't get the feeling of wet disintegrated bark off my hands, so everything seemed awful.

When I reached the edge of the forest I saw that I had come out only a short while down the road from where I had parked (from the looks of it, I'd made my U-turn not that far away). The sun appeared all the more beautiful from the side of the road, now that the filter of the forest could be ignored, but I was in no mood to appreciate it. After the softened soil of the forest, the tarmac of the road felt too hard, and each step sent unpleasant pangs through my hip and ankles. The walk back to my bike couldn't have been more than 5 minutes long, but it felt like an agonising eternity of pain and misery.

Once I reached my bike, I all but tore the chain off of my back wheel, almost whipping myself with it as it came free. I struggled to get my helmet from under my seat because my bad mood meant that I was doing everything in sharp, angry gestures. I sat on my seat, and realised that my backside was wet from my fall, and I could feel bits of bark underneath me. I half-heartedly brushed them away (with the action more a show of frustration than anything useful). The engine rumbles to life, and I stall it straight away. Anger bubbles in my chest, but I swallow it and try again. The second time I succeed. I pull off without checking the road for other vehicles, and when I realise this I tell myself it'd serve me right if I got hit for being such an idiot.

On the ride home, the cold bites in to my ankles, my knuckles, and my thighs, as well as tearing at my cheeks, nose and throat.

Although I believe it at the time, I lie to myself: I'll never try that again.