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sofipitch · 2 years

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Interview with the Vampire first draft trivia

I've been meaning to make this post for a while now so I'm doing it. The Vampire Companion is a reference book for the Vampire Chronicles made in collaboration with Anne Rice. It is basically the VC wiki in book form from the 90s but with analysis of lots of themes and symbolism (there's entries for literally anything got even a passing mention in the series, and example of entries on one page chose at random are " adventure, Aegean sea, aesthetic choice" with multiple paragraphs each I shit you not like the "Aegean sea" entry explains it is basically just mentioned in passing it is COMPREHENSIVE. It also famously has an entry for penis/phallus (none for vagina or vulva tho booo). This book features a lot of analysis of VC and it's themes and it is legit some of the worst analysis I've ever seen. A lot of it is in the Freudian mindset/style which *Kubrick stares in psychology student*. It also just reflects a lot of the opinions Anne Rice had about her characters she had in the 90s, the entry on Louis really shows she hates him.

HOWEVER The Vampire Companion has one really cool feature and that is that it mentions things that were in the first draft of IWTV which was later removed. I love this kind of trivia, I love reading the IMDB trivia for these kinds of facts, so I'm collecting them all here in this post:

Lestat was supposed to die in the fire at Rue Royale. When he comes back from the swamp it was originally his last appearance and even then when they meet the Nosferatu/zombie-like vampires of Eastern Europe Louis concludes that the murder attempt left Lestat like those vampires, literally an animated corpse when he came back from the swamp and to Louis, whether Lestat survived the fire or not, Lestat is dead

Lestat's original backstory in IWTV is that Lestat was a poet as a boy. I'm just transcribing this part bc I love it so much: "....it was his poetry full of dreams and longings, that endeared Louis to him. When Louis tries to get Lestat to talk about his poetry, Lestat curtly dismisses it, as if he views it as an idealistic boy's worthless fancies." T_T I think about this part a lot and I kind of wish this part had not been removed but given that Lestat was originally based on Anne's husband Stan who was a poet, she probably removed it for personal reasons.

Rice had originally planned for Louis's tone in IWTV to be similar to that of Oscar Wilde but it changed when she changed from the POV of Daniel (1st draft) to Louis (final version). As annoying as the constant quotation marks are in IWTV, I think nonstop "the vampire said___" would have been worse

The reporter says that Louis looks to be around 35 instead of the final 25

When in Paris Louis and Claudia both accidently run into a random vampire and he runs away scared, Louis and Claudia then make themselves more obvious as vampires to attract the others to them

One evening they come home and a whole bunch of vampires are in their flat, and they take them to a rotting mansion with older human servants who are hoping to be turned into vampires. There they finally meet Armand

The vampires then get together in a room and recite Baudelaire's "Les Fleurs du Mal" and then a blonde woman is brought in, begging for her life, and she is passed around as they drink from her. Louis is horrified but drinks from her, and then Armand takes Louis to his bedroom where a woman is asleep on the bed and Louis crawls into the bed and drinks from her, killing her in her sleep

The group of vampires have more strict rules than the theater ones seem to described as loving conformity, abhor wasted opportunities, and constantly provoking each other into dares and challenges (vampire Jackass). Louis doesn't like the vampires but Claudia joins them, dressing in all black, dies her hair white, and befriends 3 brothers and has fun tormenting priests

In the original version of IWTV Claudia goes off with three vampire brothers she meets in Paris and does not die (I think Claudia leaving and meeting Bruce in the AMC show might have been an allusion to this). However AR claims she experienced "psychological difficulties" (the book's phrasing not mine) until she rewrote the ending where Claudia dies. Having Louis grieve Claudia was cathartic for her

When the vampires learn that Claudia killed Lestat they think his death was just and no punishment is required XD

Louis finally leaves not fitting in and Armand chases after him, asking why he left and then leaves the others for Louis. He also tells Louis his backstory (which is never revealed in IWTV)

In the original draft of IWTV Claudia is described as 3 or 4 instead of 5

Anne Rice did not originally realize that Claudia, the 5 year old who can never die, was a projection of her own desire for her daughter who died at 5. She originally saw Claudia as a way to talk about how women can be infantilized or considered inferior to men, by making the way women can be treated (not intelligent, not strong, not rational) physical in the form of a child

AR did use Michelle's (her daughter's) physical appearance, blond hair and blue eyes for describing Claudia, but again, denies that she was aware of a deeper significance at the time, but says it made a lot of sense later. However Claudia's personality is not based on Michelle (which makes sense bc we mostly see an adult Claudia in the book and movie and Michelle died at 5)

AR originally planned for Armand to be a central figure and villain in Queen of the Damned but decided he wasn't evil enough (I think this is cute)

Armand was completely different. He is described as innocent and angelic and in his twenties (However the final version of IWTV simply describes him as young, being 17 was added later and I personally always see him as early 20s bc of how I pictured him reading IWTV)

Armand was originally only from Venice, not Kiev, son of a guilder and later living with his maker for over a century (similar to what we learn in TVL and TVA but not nearly as dark, no sex trafficking or pedophilia)

Louis and Armand originally genuinely have a good relationship, traveling the world together after leaving Paris, and at one point Louis convinces him finally that vampires are inherently evil, he offers to go into the sun with Louis T_T However Louis cannot bring himself to do that so he adopts Armand's morals

Armand shows Louis a way to humanely kill and drink, by identifying "Those Who Want To Die" and Louis describes going to a cemetery and finding the mother of a child who had passed doesn't want to live anymore and Armand gently kills her. However Louis decides he simply likes it better when is victims fight back

The original ending of IWTV is Louis mentions that he hates going back to New Orleans because it was where he met his mortal love, but he never elaborates on who this was. (??? Anne???) As the interview ends around there Daniel notices the sun coming up and starts backing out of the room while Louis keeps talking because he was still afraid of Louis eating him. XD Louis finally realizes what was going on when Daniel makes it all the way to his car XD and is angry with him and asks for the tapes back. Armand arrives and says Daniel should have the tapes, that what Louis really wants is the tale to be public. Louis and Armand get in a cab and ride off into the night together (I also wonder if the end of s1 being Louis and Armand holding hands in front of Daniel is an allusion to this)

AR also points out that the book has large tonal differences, she wondered if it was an issue but then decided she liked it, saying Louis is a cynical cold person who warms up and then grows cold again throughout the novel. This character arc was never intentional though

Anne Rice says two main inspirations for IWTV are Richard Matheson's "Dress of White Silk" which is from the POV of a child vampire, and the movie "Dracula's Daughter" which had a tragic and sensual vampire.

The original IWTV short story (which you can still read) is very different, the vampire is not like Louis but based on Oscar Wilde, she intended the tone to be ironic and witty. The vampire enjoys killing and tells the reporter that, and like in the books says "the room the interview is in is just a room" but at the end reveals he is waiting for the occupant to come home so he can kill him, and the reporter runs away frightened. Lestat does not really exist other than as a nameless maker and Claudia and Armand also do not exist

The Vampire Companion does not really have "first draft" comments on any of the other books (only the first 4 had been out when it was published). I imagine it is because an author's first book is usually subjected to more edits and rewrites while they are struggling to get it published, but once the foot is in the door you don't have to do that as much (and AR took this a step further with firing her editor after becoming a NYT bestseller!).

However there were a few things about characters who appear later which I found interesting:

In the Daniel entry she says she wanted to explore Armand and Daniel's relationship more in future books, which we know she never does :(

Gabrielle was deliberately based on AR's own mother. Her mother was a feminist activist, often making AR feel like her mother paid more attention to her activism than to her, which mirrors Lestat wishing Gabrielle would teach him to read so he can enjoy the escapism. However both Gabrielle and AR's mother were unhappy in their domestic motherly roles, which is reflected in Gabrielle. AR's mother was also an alcoholic and died when AR was young of complications due to alcoholism. AR deliberately wrote Lestat saving his mother from death by making her a vampire, and Gabrielle being freed from the expectations of her gender as a wish she could have done the same with her mother T_T

David is also meant to be her father, he was dying due to some heart disease at the time she wrote TOTBT (he was not actually dead yet but I think was by the time she published or shortly after) and David is described as dying due to similar causes. So she wrote once again one of her parents not dying but becoming immortal. TOTBT is also much darker compared to TVL and QOTD, the previous two Lestat narrated books, and her grief helps explain why (but also "AR pls go to therapy" challenge)

I also find this excerpt on Anne Rice projecting onto Lestat interesting bc this is VERY similar to what Gabrielle says to Lestat: "As a writer I put myself into Lestat much more deeply than I had put myself into Louis because I was dealing with aggression in Lestat, and dealing with my own repressions. Lestat was my male hero who could do what I couldn't. I wanted to get out of the mindset of the passive grieving person [from when she was writing IWTV]." :/

#vc #vampire chronicles #interview with the vampire #the vampire lestat #queen of the damned #tale of the body thief #louis de pointe du lac #lestat de lioncourt #the vampire claudia #the vampire armand #daniel molloy #gabrielle de lioncourt #david talbot #amc interview with the vampire #iwtv #amc iwtv #tvl #qotd #the vampire companion

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thebreadvansstuff · 20 days

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ice play

I don't have much knowledge/experience on ice play, so I hope you don't mind that I took this to a different direction, anon!

"We should try something new," Harry suggested one day, while he and Louis were sitting on the couch.

Harry had been mindlessly flipping through a magazine, when he got the column 'How to spice things up in bed'. It's not like they needed spicing up; their bedroom activities had never got anything short of mind-blowing after three and a half years together.

But the more Harry read, the more he realised they might get to a point where intimacy and sex might become routine, where Louis' needs aren't satisfied.

Immediately, he had scanned the list for new things to try.

Role-playing done. Bondage done. Sex toys done.

As Harry mentally crossed off one idea after the other, he realised the few that hadn't been crossed off were the ones neither of them ever wanted to try.

Except for one.

Ice play.

It's not like it ever occurred to Harry to try it, but would he be opposed to it? No.

So he brought it up.

"New like what?" Louis asked, puzzled expression on his face as he turned to Harry.

Harry wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Ice play."

Louis blinked, obviously not caught off guard. "You're -- into it?"

"You're not?" Harry asked, deflated. There really wasn't a single other thing on the list that had caught his eye.

Louis put his book down, shuffled up on his seat. "I don't know, baby. Since when are you into it, though? Almost four years now and you haven't mentioned anything?"

Harry shrugged, biting his fingernail in embarrassment. Because, surely, Louis would make fun of him if he found out how Harry got the idea.

"What?" Louis asked, probably detecting the flush on Harry's cheeks.

"Just...this magazine," Harry tried to play it cool, flipping the pages around and shrugging again for good measure.

Louis frowned, and in a sudden movement snatched the magazine out of Harry's hand. "Let me see that."

Harry looked to the side, not wanting to see Louis' reaction to the article.

"'Play with ice to heat up your sex life'" Louis quoted in a questioning tone. "What is that?"

"Ice play is a form of temperature play which -" Harry started, but Louis cut him off.

"Yeah yeah, I know what it is, but why are you reading this? You think we need 'spicing up'?"

Harry could tell that Louis was trying to make his tone come off as neutral, but his eyes deceived him. He almost seemed wounded at the mere thought of Harry being bored of their sex life.

And that was simply not the case.

"No! Babe, you know I don't. I just read it and..." Harry looked away, "I don't know. I got kinda worried you might think we're getting boring and -"

Louis put the magazine to the side and scooted closer to Harry on the couch. "You're an idiot," he mumbled, fond smile spreading across his lips. "You seriously think I could get bored of you? I literally jerk off to pictures of you when we're apart."

The tips of Harry's ears burned at the attention and the compliment that was Louis' words; being the object of Louis' desires -- what more could he need?

"So do I," Harry admitted, daring to look at him even though his cheeks hurt from smiling and blushing so much.

"Good. Then we don't need that list," Louis established.

Harry bit his lip. "Kinda want to try ice play, though," he mumbled.

Louis chuckled warmly. "Get undressed."

Send me a line, and I'll write a snippet! - NSFW edition!

#send me a line and i'll write a snippet #my writing #round 6

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dreamingbluestonight · 1 year

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I just realised that " we made it " by Louis Tomlinson fits RBRW so perfectly like-

'Cause we made it, underestimated and always underrated Now, we're saying goodbye, waving to the hard times Yeah, it's gonna be alright'

-Literally, alex and henry made it in the end. They were constantly stopped by the hurdles of their position and responsibilities to their respective countries. At the end of the book both of them had what they have dreamed of, for henry it was his freedom, his dignity and the life he thought he never would have and for Alex, he has henry, his position in his mother's campaign.

' like the first time, Met you at your doorstep, remember how it tasted Looking into your eyes, baby, you were still high Never coming down with your hand in mine'

-I don't think I have to explain what our beloved gays have done after the state dinner. Primarily I would like to highlight the new year's kiss and how the rest of the scenario there has unraveled .

'Oh my, I remember those nights Meet you at your uni, cheap drinks, drink 'em all night Staying out 'til sunrise Share a single bed and tell each other what we dream about Things we'd never say to someone else out loud We were only kids, just tryna work it out Wonder what they'd think if they could see us now'

-I imagine this as the time Henry visited alex in texas during Campaign period and how they had such a good time, learning more about each other. We definitely cannot forget the e-mails and the texts that they shared , how intimate and private those are for each of them. They weren't really kids but they still were in this beginning stages and middle stages of their relationship. They still don't understand what they truly want but are reaching a point of mutual commitment (I know Henry was head over heels in love but just bare with me luvs).

'Oh God, what I could've become Don't know why they put this all on us when we're so young Done a pretty good job, dealing with it all when you're here Don't need to say no more Nothing in the world that I would change it for Singing something pop'y on the same four chords Used to worry 'bout it, but I don't no more'

-They way they were forced out of the closet and put under scrutiny for being themselves. They were put on every single piece of media as a piece of meat. Before they are the FSOTUS and The Prince of Wales they are human, they are young teenager utterly in love , they didn't commit a crime nor made a sin. All they did was love each other. Alex took upon the leak as an opportunity to tell people, fucking educate them about the importance of coming out of the closet on their own terms. No one should be neither forced out or pushed back in. As per Henry, he finally stood up to his family, he chose to be with Alex because he loves Alex and he will always love him. They both done a pretty good job dealing with all the press, their families and basically the entire world.

I really want to pinpoint the lines in the end toward Henry because he just accepted his fate that he would be married off to a beard and be a spare he was supposed to be. He didn't dare to change that perfect prince look before he realised he actually had a chance to be himself. But when he was with Alex he dared to hope for a life he felt he deserved. Finally he did get the life he dreamt of, he doesn't need to worry about anything no more.

#rwrb #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #Red #white and Royal Blue #red white and royal blue #louis tomlinson #we made it #gay #bisexual #lgbtq community #Queer

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aizenat · 2 years

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i'm reading your post from nov 11 on heteronormativity and it's interesting to me that queer people think they can escape patriarchy just by virtue of queerness. because when patriarchy fails (it rarely does) at disciplining and punishing through homophobia it moves to subsuming.

see: marriage rights for queer people, child adoption and parenting and surrogacy for queer people.

like top/bottom discourse is the pits esp when hets start partaking but material conditions are real and queer couples soon dip into patriarchal norms wrt to who wears the pants when faced with things like income disparities

I have no idea what this ask has to do with that post. My post wasn't about queer people trying to escape the patriarchy or some shit. My point was that straight people trying to decide who likes giving and receiving in bed in gay relationships based on arbitrary things like who kisses who first in one scene, height, race, etc ARE GROSS. (lbr, Louis is obviously mostly a bottom when he has sex with Lestat, though I do get the feeling they switch enough to keep them both satisfied. Either way, Lestat is not the 100% bottom princess fans try to make him out to be)

Like, seriously, what is your point? In heterosexual relationships, you can typically tell who is giving and receiving based on gender (in terms of penetration). Our entire culture's understanding of sex is heteronormative and simplistic. I remember when sitting at the dinner table as a 9 year old, when my brother (then 8) asked my mom what sex was, she explained it simply as "when a man puts his penis in a woman's vagina." That was it. And that's what most sex ed (at least in the US) focuses on. That's the definition of sex that fuels literal laws and industries. So how does that factor in when you have two men or two women? It's obviously more complicated.

And straights have a bad habit of projecting that heteronormative idea on gay couples, and this is how you get shit like what I was criticizing in that post. Where people use arbitrary things to decide who is what role in bed. And my point is one of the benefits of being gay is that we don't have to fall into that. There are lesbian touch me nots who don't want to receive at all and only want to give. In a straight relationship, that would be a problem if the woman didn't want to receive. In a gay relationship, she can find someone who will gladly be her pillow princess. Lots of gay people have sex without penetration! That takes the "who's top/bottom" thing away immediately because we're not even talking about penetrative (PIV-focused) sex!

Like what does THAT have to do with anything you're saying? And honestly, on a post where I talk about how liberating and freeing being a lesbian is for me BECAUSE it means I can build my relationships on my own terms and not have to fall in line with gender expectations I don't respect or want to adhere to, why are you trying to come to me and say "actually, the patriarchy will make you fall in line." Like, huh? Are you the very agent of the patriarchy, talking down to me for daring to want a relationship where I don't fall into patriarchal expectations of a woman in a relationship? Are you the patriarchy anon?

#like what are you even trying to say?#also break up your sentences more #i had to read this like 5 times to understand what you were trying to say #what a weird take

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jaehaswhore · 2 years

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loves it when you guys get into a fight and you pull him in by his tie or collar, forcing him to bend down a little just to have his face right infront of your angry one! he would get so fucking turned on by that and kiss you mid-sentence to shut you up from scolding him ♡

kaeya, itto, childe, gojou, atsumu, sebastian moran, sherlock holmes, jaeha, toji

his knees will literally give out on him if you ever decide to slide your hands down his abdomen and hook your finger to his waistband before pulling him in slowly, he thinks he might start begging you to let him touch and allow him obliterate you because you deserve everything

diluc, xiao, albedo, dainsleif, sakusa, kita, sugawara, nanami, william james moriarty, kija,

pull him in by his waist i dare you, you can make it even more dangerous if you kiss his neck while your hand tightens around his skin, he’ll waste no time in doing the same to you, hands roaming around your body and eventually guiding it to his by your waist

thoma, hinata, kageyama, bokuto, akaashi, yuuta, yuuji, megumi, louis james moriarty, shinah, zeno,

act like a brat and do the choking thing to his neck before pulling him towards your face, taunt him at the same time and you’ll get thrown on the bed so quickly you won’t even realize! do be careful though, you might not be able to walk the next day

zhongli, ayato, getou, sukuna, suna, kuroo, iwaizumi, oikawa, albert james moriarty, son hak,

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kngcrms · 3 years

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La Squadra x Slumber party

(Gn!Reader,comedy, SFW)

Risotto:

The first to arrive,like 2 hours before the sleepover actually starts.

Helps you with cleaning/snacks/drinks/whatever.

Has Kuromi pajamas.

Really nice but really quiet at the same time.

Can't fit through your doors.

If anyone makes you cry or say something a little too harsh,he will personally fight them.

"Y/N,your doors are too small."

Prosciutto:

Arrives second,but trough the back door as a safety lesson.

Makes a whole "how to be more confident" speech.

Starts cleaning your kitchen from muscle memory.

N a g s.

Louis Vuitton pajamas.

If you have any pets,keep them away from him.He will scream.

Falls asleep at 8pm sharp.

Wins at Uno

"I told you these snacks are just chemicals!Let me cook something!"

Formaggio:

The last one to arrive.

Brings wine.

Also consumes it all.

Falls asleep in the bathroom.

T-shirt and sweatpants guy.

Will make everyone do karaoke.

"Y/N!!! I'm feeling funky,is it from the wine maybe?"

Illuso:

You'll never know if he's in your house unless you do the bloody Mary prank in the bathroom.

Will scare you 100%

A jerk when he becomes sleepy.

Will gossip about everything and everyone with no shame.

Hides you from Ghiaccio in the mirror if things go out of hand.

Wants to play Uno to create chaos.

"I bet my left foot Risotto is going to kill someone tonight."

Pesci:

Came with Prosciutto.

Lord have mercy on him.

Formaggio and Illuso bully him.

Also the first to jump someone whilst playing Uno.

If you have any pets,pls let him pet them.

Drinks milk before heading to bed.

A sweetheart to you.

"Y/N,where is the bathroom?"

Melone:

Bad idea but also good idea inviting him.

He was going to sneak in anyways.

Films any fight occurring.

Likes drama and gossips with lluso.

Eats all of your snacks.

Self-care buddy :)

Does any dare if you play ToD.

Starts telling random facts at 03:07am and acts possessed by demons.

Grabs people's legs when sleeping.

"I think I know the meaning of life but I'm not sure."

Ghiaccio:

Was dragged by Melone.

Pissed off by literally everyone.

Looses at Uno and WILL freeze up your entire house.

Formaggio gets him outside for "a talk"

"Grammar man"

Plays with your pet as well.

Trashes your bed.

Doesn't fall asleep and instead reads on his E-book.

"Y/N WHY ARE THESE MORONS HERE???!!!!!!"

Sorlato:

Why did you invite them?

Gelato brings a knife.

Do prank calls on your phone.

Will eat your whole kitchen.

Matching pajamas <3

Tell dirty jokes even though no one wanted to hear them.

Gelato stabs Formaggio in the leg for some reason but no one says anything.

May or may not roast you.

I hope you're psychically strong.

Will throw water on somebody when they're sleeping.

"Y/N,what would you do if we burned down your house right now?"

#jjba #la squadra #jjba headcanons #melone #prosciutto #la squadra headcanons #risotto nero #formaggio #illuso #ghiaccio #pesci jojo #sorlato

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the-rockstar-lestat · 2 years

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American Girl Doll What???????

So glad you asked. I was GOING to tell you anyway, of course, but I LIKE to be asked. Like Dracula, I have to be invited in. (Does Dracula have to be invited in or is that a later addition to the lore? I fell off the Dracula Daily wagon.)

It's more likely I just like the attention.

Anyway, flowery introduction aside.

Louis, as we have mentioned, has made friends with our neighbor, a single mother with a young daughter. He occasionally cooks for them when she's busy and he gets the need to stress -cook food we can't eat, and doesn't want it going to waste. we were visiting at her apartment, and she mentioned she wanted to get an "American Girl Doll" for her daughter's birthday, but didn't know which one to get her.

"American girl doll?" I said, "I'm sure there are a lot of American girl dolls. But there's some very good dolls made in Europe as well."

She laughed at me, and explained that American Girl is a brand of dolls that premiered in the 1980s and is very popular to this day, of dolls set in different historical time periods. "I guess boys didn't grow up with them like little girls did!" She said. No. Boys who grew up in the 18th century did not have American Girl Dolls.

Louis and I were mildly interested, so she showed us a picture of the doll she had growing up, Molly, who has little braids and is set in World War Two.

"Charming." Louis said. I slept through World War Two.

But there were more! A pretty victorian girl with lovely furniture, a black girl who used to be a slave that made Louis slightly guilty, an immigrant from Sweden. If I was less enthused at first my mind changed immidiatly when she showed us Felicity, a colonial girl whose clothes and furniture reminded Louis and me of our own childhoods.

"Lestat, look, she has a tiny warming pan! And a bed with bed hangings! I forgot I missed those." Louis positively cooed at me.

We were lost in doll shaped euphoria, scrolling through pictures when I suddenly saw her.

A pretty little blonde doll, with curling hair and blue, blue eyes, dressed in an empire waisted pink gown and bonnet.

"who's that?" I asked.

"oh that? That's Caroline she's one of the newer dolls. She's set in 1812."

But I wasn't paying attention any more. All I could see, dear reader, was my sweet little Claudia, turned into the doll she had always hated being treated like, dressed in the clothes that she wore during her actual childhood, when she was Louis and my precious daughter.

Claudia had loved dolls. Well actually she had had mixed feelings about dolls. But even as she grew she collected them--sometimes to cuddle, sometimes to destroy in fits of rage. But at that moment all I could think of was "She finally became a doll. She's a literal doll. You made her and kept her a child and brushed her hair and dressed her up like a doll and look what happened. She's a doll. The transformation is complete." If I bought one of these dolls off the internet and took her home would she come to life, possessed by the soul of Claudia and speak to me once more? Tell me she loved me, hated me, didn't matter. Call me Father of Lies if I could just hear her voice again!

Louis must have noticed I had dropped out of the conversation about tiny wooden food replicas and was staring at the picture on this woman's phone, running my hands over her hair--or where her hair would be if it wasn't pixilated --wondering what it felt like and if Claudia would have liked a doll that looked like her. Or if she would have smashed it.

And then I saw a vision of the future--or a future that could never be. Dear, charming, beautiful, beloved Claudia, dressed in designer children's clothes, with a whole shelf full of American Girl Dolls. Laughing about their little clothes and furniture, pointing out the inaccuracies of eras she had lived through. Taking adorable photographs of her dolls and posting them on Instagram. Taunting the other vampires if they dares scoff at her collection. "Get your own Kirsten, Marius. "

I must have been dangerously close to weeping blood tears, because Louis took the phone away from me.

"I'm sorry," he said to our friend "Sometimes dolls make him a little emotional. Our daughter collected them." Louis had once told her we had a daughter who died. She was very sympathetic about it.

"yes, yes. " I added, helpfully. How could I explain to her that at that moment I wanted to GIVE Claudia the doll, but also thought she WAS the doll? Louis seems to intuit that, and quickly made our apologies to our friend and ushered me out.

"Her hair...." I mumbled nonsensically.

"I know." Louis said. He always knows.

We went back to our home, and Louis wrapped me in a blanket until I calmed down enough to speak.

"Dolls all have her face sometimes, don't they?" He said.

"That one didn't need my neurosis to have her face." I replied.

We sat in silence for a moment.

"Do you want to get the doll?" He asked.

I considered.

"It'll probably make me too sad."

"Oh look, something Lestat doesn't want to buy. That is novel."

I grinned. Louis can lighten my moods even when insulting me.

"But she would have...she would have loved it."

#my eternal companion #murder daughter #the vampire claudia #claudia de lioncourt #life can be so.... cozy #loustat

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canary3d-obsessed · 4 years

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Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 10 second part

(Masterpost) (Other Canary Meta)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Unclean Realm

Lan Wangji has a Louis Henry Sullivan moment on seeing the Nie family home, becoming enraptured by its overwrought monumental architecture after a lifetime of restrained good taste and single-story buildings.

He approaches the fortress with the expression of delighted wonder that he usually reserves for when he’s looking at the moon or at Wei Wuxian.

Wei Wuxian is like, yep that’s a building, all right, but he supports Lan Wangji’s kinks.

Meng Yao tells them about the Wen Clan directive, and has what appears to be a moment of genuine, affectionate amusement at Nie Huaisang’s reaction.

Jiang Cheng kinda blames the Lans for inventing the whole “indoctrination” thing and for encouraging his brother’s disaster bi tendencies. Wei Wuxian responds by complimenting the Lan Clan, almost like someone who met his true love got some real value out of the instruction he received there.

(more after the cut)

One of the great ironies of this story is that Wei Wuxian sort of becomes a rogue Lan disciple because of his relationship with Lan Wangji. He relies on Lan temperament techniques, uses music as a primary cultivation method, has committed all of the Lan rules to his supposedly terrible memory and cites them on multiple occasions, and is an important mentor for the younger generation Lan disciples. Because Hanguang-Jun is just that good in bed.

Xue Yang in the background of this conversation is channeling OP’s church-enduring, school-enduring inner 10-year-old.

Nie Mingjue, Chifeng-Zun, appears, and couldn’t be more different than his brother. On first watching this episode, I saw him as a grumpy, sexy, very emotional leather daddy man who is quick to anger. Rewatching, I see someone who’s struggling with a growing illness...the resentful energy kind.

Nie Mingjue’s handling of resentful energy is very different from Wei Wuxian’s straightforward interest and acceptance. NMJ has a traditional cultivator’s view of it, regarding it as evil and as something to resist, while he is literally carrying it on his back. He’s like a secret alcoholic who is preaching temperence, and can’t find a way to be reconciled with himself.

At this point of the story, Nie Mingjue is keeping it together, but is under a hell of a lot of stress, and Baxia’s blood thirst is already maybe a problem.

The Yunmeng bros think that Nie Huaisang’s fear of his brother is hilarious, because they don’t understand the situation. They think he’s just living in a hideously toxic family dynamic like theirs, when actually he’s in a loving, sorta healthy, if parentless, family that is being crushed under a generational curse.

Compliments for the Yunmeng Bros

I’m not the first meta poster to notice how happy Jiang Cheng is to be praised by Nie Mingjue.

He never gets this at home. Jiang Yanli praises him, but in that watery “you tried your best” way that doesn’t really stick. Nie Mingjue’s praise really means something, because he is a fearsome warrior and stern authority figure. And this is a double compliment, because Nie Mingjue says he heard it from Lan Xichen, and agrees with it.

Let’s Make Terrible Decisions

Keep Xue Yang alive, says Wei Wuxian, and Meng Yao immediately agrees, although I’m pretty sure he would have proposed that even if WWX hadn’t.

So they do, not realizing that “kill him later” is never a good plan for someone who 1. super needs killing 2. has a whole lot of death-dealing skills.

Future clan leader Jiang Cheng notices how smart and talented Meng Yao is. Xue Yang finds it hilarious when the trio praises Meng Yao, possibly because their evil team up is already underway.

Boss’ Bed Warmer Son of a Ho

The constant insults toward Meng Yao are about his mom, but there’s another level of leering implication, that Meng Yao seems to encourage in his conversation with the soon-to-be-murdered guard captain.

Nie Mingjue elevated him way above his expectations, and he is ridiculously pretty, which has to create rumors. In the Nightless City scenes when he’s fondling Baxia and telling Nie Mingjue’s family secrets there’s definitely a sense of intimacy that’s not just “loyal retainer.”

I feel like maybe this whole exchange is a bit of theater designed to show Xue Yang something without showing it to anyone else. Meng Yao didn’t need to have this conversation in front of his prisoner.

Let’s Do Exactly What We Said We Wouldn’t

Once the younger quartet are alone with Nie Mingjue, Wei Wuxian crosses the room away from his friends and practically into Lan Wangji’s pocket, if Lan Wangji had pockets.

He has no pockets and also has no personal bubble any more, when it comes to Wei Wuxian.

We could make a weapon out of Yin Iron, Wei Wuxian says, completely forgetting his entire conversation with Lan Yi, apparently. Lan Wangji doesn’t argue with this idea.

Nie Mingjue warns Wei Wuxian not to try it.

I stabbed a man in Qinghe just to watch him die

Nie Mingjue is like the Johnny Cash of the cultivation world, carrying the weight of his poor choices and trying to steer the young folk to the path of righteousness. But--like Johnny Cash--his bad choices have made him really fucking cool, so he isn’t very good at deterring anybody.

Meng Yao Didn’t Come Here to Make Friends

Immediately after Meng Yao’s fellow Nie clan people call him “son of a whore” again, Wei Wuxian meets him, is nice to him, addresses him by his military title, bows to him, asks why he’s away from the party, and thanks him for his service.

But Meng Yao has already decided to make friends with Xue Yang, so Wei Wuxian goes onto his list of people that he doesn’t give a crap about except if they can be useful to him. Then Meng Yao goes to make out hatch a plot with Xue Yang.

I’ll Sleep On Your Roof

Meeting SongXiao seems to have done away with the last of Lan Wangji’s resistance to his connection with Wei Wuxian.

He hears a noise on the roof and, when realizing it’s Wei Wuxian, he smiles one of his tiny reserved smiles before heading outside.

When he sees Wei Wuxian drunkenly sprawled on the roof, limbs akimbo, wine on his chin and neck, mouth full of poetry about the open road, Lan Wangji gives him the most fond look imaginable.

Then he reluctantly leaves, with his signature “say goodbye, but only when he can’t hear you” thing.

They’ve both come a really long way since their first meeting. Wei Wuxian is openly and vocally attaching himself to Lan Wangji...but is not actually entering his space or asking for anything from him; he just wants to be near him, and wants to let him know that. “I’ll sleep on your roof tonight.”

And Lan Wangji just...loves him. Wei Wuxian is drunk, embarrassing, demonstrative, eager to make a hell weapon out of yin iron, touchy feely, and absurdly sexy. And Lan Wangji is pretty okay with all of that.

I Might Have Been Drunk

Wei Wuxian carefully avoids telling Jiang Cheng where he was last night.

Even if he did get blackout drunk, he would have woken up on Lan Wangji’s roof. And I don’t think he was as drunk as that. He just knows Jiang Cheng wouldn’t like the truth.

Wen Fucking Chao, Again

Wen Chao shows up to be annoying and boring. This leads to a pretty good fight between Nie Mingjue and Wen Zhuliu. Note that when the chips are down, Nie Huaisang stands with his Gege without any cowering. Almost as if he had hidden reserves of bravery, and is not as helpless as he lets on.

Wen Zhuliu isn’t styled to be super hot, although he’s certainly compelling, and in Dance of the Phoenix he looks good with sensitive-guy hair wispies. I wonder what actor Feng Mingjing looks like out of character?

BRB, adding a tag to my follow list

Battle Bros

When the fighting breaks out, the Yunmeng brothers are decisive and united, with Wei Wuxian giving orders to Jiang Cheng and JC following without hesitation.

I feel like if these two could have gone through a few big battles together, instead of being separated during most of the Sunshot campaign, their whole relationship would have improved. On the battlefield, they respect, trust, and understand each other.

The Pointy End

Nie Mingjue is holding his own against Wen Zhuliu, but he gets distracted by Meng Yao hollering “Xue Yang has escaped” and then shanking the guard captain right in front of him.

Wen Zhuliu takes advantage of the distraction to aim a very slow stab at Nie Huasang, and Meng Yao jumps in front to get stabbed on his behalf.

When the Yunmeng bros show up to help NMJ, Wen Zhuliu immeiately yanks Wen Chao back behind him and points his sword at Wei Wuxian. He absolutely sees these two as a serious threat. Considering that eventually WWX is going to kill Wen Chao while JC kills Wen Zhuliu, this concern is not misplaced.

Wei Wuxian tells Wen Chao to stop being such a jerk, and Wen Chao menaces Wei Wuxian and gloats about the burning of cloud recesses. The burning, that is, of some part of cloud recesses that doesn’t include the library, the Jingshi, the main cultivation chamber, the rabbit warren, or Lan Qiren’s house, unless the Lan Clan is really really good at rebuilding things to very exact specifications.

In a rare moment of seeing Meng Yao’s internal thoughts, he is worried about Lan Xichen when he hears about cloud recesses.

The Yelling Part

Now we have the particularly nasty breakup between Nie Mingjue and Meng Yao. It’s...got some layers. Meng Yao is cowering on the floor, but is not apologizing.

He never apologizes throughout this encounter.

孟瑤無悔 - Meng Yao (has) no regrets

This scene is amazing and excruciating to watch, even more when you know what’s ahead.

What the Fuck is Meng Yao’s Plan

On one level this is Meng Yao, manipulative sociopath, setting up a cover story for his aiding and alliance with Xue Yang. On another, this is Meng Yao, loving subordinate, being tossed aside by his lord because he dared to stand up for himself.

He uses the same “scout’s honor” gesture we’ve seen Wei Wuxian use to swear he’s telling the truth. Wei Wuxian is always lying when he uses this gesture.

I’m...not sure exactly what Meng Yao’s plan is, with all these chess moves? By stabbing the captain in front of NHS, he created an opportunity to plant a cover story about Xue Yang’s escape. He might be hoping that Nie Mingjue will forgive him and keep him on, while Xue Yang can stay in his back pocket to be used later.

Dry eyes? Try Visene

Or he might be intending to get kicked out, given his non-apology. In any case, Nie Mingjue is weeping during this encounter, and Meng Yao...isn’t. He is signaling distress in his voice, expression, and body language, but his eyes are dry up until the last moment, and even then they just glisten a bit. In a show where every actor is an expert at crying on cue, that’s got to be a deliberate choice.

Which isn’t to say that Meng Yao is faking being full of emotion in this scene. It’s just that the emotion isn’t necessarily sorrow.

What Does Nie Mingjue’s Head Think

Flip the view and this is about Nie Mingjue being betrayed by a subordinate, who has turned out to be a self-serving murderer. And on another level it’s Nie Mingjue being betrayed by his lover, who was just using him for advancement.

I rewatched the later episode where we get the scene as Nie Mingjue’s head perceived it, and he’s particularly brokenhearted and disillusioned from his head’s POV. In that version there is a telling addition to the conversation.

Nie Mingjue asks about the guys who were roasting Meng Yao behind his back. He asks, if I hadn’t come, would you have murdered all of them?

Um. No, dude. Of course fucking not. That’s what a patriarchal authority does. That’s the way an angry Nie Mingjue/Baxia team might solve a problem.

Meng Yao has to use subterfuge to kill his enemies. And while he super hates being called “son of a whore” it’s absolutely not enough to make him kill someone, with the risk murder brings. Likewise, being treated well isn’t enough to make him spare someone. Nie Mingjue totally doesn’t get this, because he’s been the patriarch of this clan his entire adult life.

And Here’s the Actual Problem

There is a betrayal here, but Nie Mingjue is not simply a victim. Whether it’s a sexual relationship or a non-sexual bond of affection, there can be nothing solid in Nie Mingjue and Meng Yao’s relationship within a feudal society, because it is fundamentally unequal. Even if they love each other deeply - which I’m not convinced either of them does - every encounter they have is tainted with power dynamics.

Meng Yao has been elevated by Nie Mingjue and quite probably taken into his bed, as well as being told many family secrets, but has not been given a new surname (like, for example, Wen Zhuliu was) or independent power. More importantly, Nie Mingjue has not used his authority to remove or punish the many people who disrespect his subordinate. Lan Qiren would have had all of those gossipy fuckers kneeling in the snow, and Wen Ruohan would feed them to his mosh pit zombies.

Meng Yao is a murderous little snake, but he is right to be angry with Nie Mingjue about some things, and his pursuit of his own agenda is understandable.

Well, That Was a Slice

Meng Yao leaves, hurt, with a dignified bow; just as he did that one time when his dad kicked him down the Carp Tower steps.

Take note, both patriarchal authorities: that is his way of saying “I’m going to murder you one day.”

Nie Mingjue sits with his broken heart, as we realize that we’ve only spent 20 minutes with this guy and we’ve gone on an entire emotional journey with him. This episode packed in a LOT.

Soundtrack: Johnny Cash, Folsom Prison Blues

#fytheuntamed #the untamed #wangxian #meng yao #nie mingjue #my gifs #canary3d-original #the untamed meta #the untamed gifs #restless rewatch the untamed

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daylightaftertherain · 2 years

Note

since you're in your rwrb feels right now... i will share with you the top 10 songs on my rwrb playlist

long live - t swift (if you imagine the last scene of ellen winning the reelection set to this song, you might cry)

they don't know about us- one direction

london boy- t swift (for obvious reasons)

sweet creature- hardy styles

talk too much- coin (this is such an alex song it's not even funny)

enchanted- t swift (do you sense a theme?)

paper rings- t swift (no actually the last time i heard this song and related it to rwrb i actually went insane, the lyrics fit SO well)

please don't say you love me - gabrielle aplin (this one hurts a lot if you relate it to the lake house scene)

if i could fly- one direction (you see, i like to make myself cry apparently)

there's no way- lauv, julia michaels (yet another one where the lyrics make me go insane like "you touch me and it's almost like we knew that there will be history between us two" this is literally the first lyric of the song)

i have more but these ones hit different

-you already know ✨💜

MIELS STOP IM EMOTIONAL RN

long live is basically the last chapter of rwrb

this song ALWAYS gets me in my rwrb feels it's so unfair

yes.

this one's lyrics are alex but the vibe is very henry

I'm so mad at you for introducing me to talk too much and yes it IS an alex song

ydgfkydsgfdstfyudksgf enchanted my beloved (i like to imagine henry playing this on piano and just-)

taylor wrote paper rings for alex i will die on this hill

I- how dare you- now I'm going to cry over the lake house scene again

i like to make myself cry with this song too

"there will be history" YES, THERE WILL

in retaliation I present:

cruel summer (taylor swift) - imagine alex blasting this and driving around after the lakehouse

we made it (david hugo) - i just hope this song exists in rwrb because henry needs to listen to it

little league (conan gray) - alex cried to this one at least five times no I do not take arguments

what if i love you (gatlin) - more lakehouse feels!!

satellite (harry styles) - uh you might have noticed me being a mess over the instrumental but like. it's the lyrics and the production and rwrb-

dancing with our hands tied (taylor again) - this song is poetic as fuck and 100% henry after the fake date with june

two of us (louis tomlinson) - this one's for henry specifically because I like to choose the most emotional songs for my book playlists

I'd do more but I need to go to bed now lmaoo <33

#ask #red white and royal blue #rwrb #allthefakepeople #thanks for fuelling my firstprince meltdown bestie #taylor swift

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fragileizywriting · 3 years

Text

emma feels responsible.

a little.

a smidge.

she's the oldest daughter. there's that syndrome. it doesn't matter as much because their cradle is very "everyone regardless of where you're standing is equal and needs to put equal work", but there is that smidge that makes her feel responsible for her siblings. all of them. there's only (only) five others after her, but it feels like rounding sheep.

emma, hugo, louis, charlotte, sara, and camille-- all lined up in a neat little row. emma is always the oldest. emma will always be the oldest. emma will always be responsible for her siblings. emma is the first one to defend and the last one to attack, because emma is the one everyone looks towards and asks for help. she's the oldest. she's the wisest. (and truth be told, she is technically the favorite. she's the heir, after all. everyone else is here for the shits and giggles. but emma has always been more focused, like she's trying to prove something. no one can get it through her head that she's already great, just like her mother.)

no one else thinks that emma is responsible for what her siblings do. but it feels a little bit that way when marinette taps her foot against the marble flooring at five in the morning, tucked into her sleep robe, looking the five of them over with alert and narrowed eyes. she's unimpressed.

bampas, too, struggling to get what looks like an eyelash out of his eye. or maybe a hair. he’s always had so much of it. it's unbraided, long against his shoulders, a pretty array of midnight black with fading ombré blue. it’s so him, that they all strange away when he lets his hair go fully black from time to time so that his hair can return back to health. emma knows luka's hair is soft, because she braids it whenever she has the opportunity-- he makes eyecontact with her and raises a brow in silent question as to what the hell is happening, and that's all it takes for her to squeak. she doesn’t like it when their parents get upset.

he steps closer to marinette when her eyes narrow on each of them, looking for the first one to crack. which one will it be? emma knows. they all know. from the six of them, they all know who will crack first.

well. the five of them.

there should be six.

but camille is on mom's side, rubbing sleep out of their eyes, hair a wild, disgusting mess. they take after mom. so does hugo. the bed head the two of them have is insane. emma's tried so many times to brush through camille's hair before, and always ends up losing a comb in the wild black mane that they all have but hugo and camille seem to suffer under. camille is almost the spitting image of bampas, but definitely doesn't have such wide shoulders-- they look swallowed alive in that sweater and jeans combo.

"i can explain," emma offers, because she's the oldest.

"no. don't you dare. you're not responsible for them," her mom sighs, full lips pulling into a frown. "let them answer for themselves."

"mousey--"

"hush." she lifts a finger up to luka. “i’m serious. i want you all to explain.”

her siblings wince. emma, who cannot hear desires— not like they can— shirks away anyway. even bampas has to hide his smile away with a strategic wipe of his chin.

"but, mama--"

"emma." unimpressed, unimpressed. emma sags harder as their mom scolds them all. "of all people here, i know you weren't the one to suggest you all go out, so why are you defending them?"

"i just-- you know. they behaved?" emma offers into the silence. it's so loud. even with her normal not-succubus hearing, she hears camille's stomach rumble, and sara shift on his feet because he's anxious. "we techncially made it back in time. no one got hurt. hardly anyone knew we were there."

"speaking of: where were you, dude?" hugo whispers to camille.

camille rubs at their eye. "i slept in... i guess? i thought someone was supposed to come get me."

"i did," sara rolls his eyes. "i literally pulled the blankets off of you and told you to put on jeans."

"that would explain your weird pajamas," louis nods.

sara snorts. "but you fell back asleep, like usual, didn't you?"

camille offers a weak laugh as they look down to the combination of snowman print on their shirt, right and form-fitting jeans, and winter slippers. "oops."

“where’s papa?”

“where do you think?” marinette’s flat eyes cut through hugo. “your dad is asleep. dead, practically. he has no idea you were all gone.”

huh. she could’ve sworn she’d told louis to go tell him they were leaving…

"please don't get mad at them," emma pleads, when marinette groans into her hands, mumbling about something along the lines of needing a drink. they follow her from the foyer, into the many hallways, presumably heading into the kitchen-- the six of them follow behind her like little ducklings, with luka tucking camille under his arm into a hug. her ears burn at the sound of camille dragging their slippers across the marble floor, but she knows better than to mention how it hurts. "mom, come on. we-- you know, we made sure not to drink things because it's dangerous, and we made sure not to talk to other people. louis danced--"

"--hell yeah i did. the guy was hot," louis interjects.

"and sara didn't get into a fight--"

"--almost did when that guy didn't listen to louis the first time," sara mumbles.

"and charlotte was busy trying to convince the musicians to play her favorite song--"

"--they just don't understand good music," charlotte interjects.

"but we didn't get in trouble with anyone. slipped in and slipped out." emma bites her lip when marinette just keeps looking at her. has her mom always been this short? it seemed like only yesterday their mom was just as tall as their dads-- but now, even sara has passed her in height.

marinette stops right in front of the kitchen entrance, folding herself into her robe. she doesn’t quite look like a queen like this, with her hair like midnight against her pale skin and shiny blue eyes, but she’s close to it— the heat and disappointment in her eyes are that of a woman who will always and forever be something emma can’t and won’t be. even small, hidden away with her human-like glamour, with her horns and tails hidden, marinette is every ounce the legend they all grew up reading about— it’s funny, now, that her greatest endeavor as of late is rounding up emma’s siblings into behaving.

"i'm not upset you all went clubbing. i'm not. you know i'm not. that would be stupid of me. the six of you are consenting adults who can do whatever you want. especially you, emma. and you too, sara. you both aren't new-helds."

"but--"

"i'm upset you all went without telling us." their mom has this habit of rubbing at her temples when she thinks about them too hard. "i went to go find hugo because he was complaining about his back and i told him i would heal him after dinner and when i went to go help, there wasn't anyone there. i freaked."

“it’s true,” bampas offers as the five of them shirk harder into one another. “looked behind every pillow just in case you were playing a trick. even i ended up looking for you five in the gardens— it wasn’t until we found camille in the pile of blankets in their room and they told us, did we realize.”

“we’re sorry, momma.”

their dad sighs as he kisses the top of marinette’s head. their parents have always been so physically amorous. it’s cute— the whole family has always been cuddly. it’s hard to sleep alone in bed when there are warm and comfortable siblings to puppy-pile with. “i wish you had said something so you wouldn’t cause us to panic.”

they all wince at the magic words, including emma, who feels nothing but sympathy to her siblings— sara responds before emma is able to open her mouth. “hugo was in charge of telling dads.”

“i did tell dads,” hugo frowns. “i told him we were going clubbing. we didn’t sneak out.”

their mother pauses. “you—”

“i said, ‘dad, we’re going clubbing’, to which he said, and i quote, ‘what time should we expect you?’ to which i said ‘whenever whatever’, to which he said—”

bampas looks on the cusp of breaking down into hysteric laughter. “dear jesus.”

“you’re kidding,” their mother cringes. “tell me you’re joking.”

“are you lying?”

“of course not, bampas, cmon,” hugo frowns.

marinette hides her face behind her hands. “is that what he was trying to tell us before i made him fall asleep…?”

“i guess it was, huh?” luka laughs hard enough to echo down the hall, following marinette as she all but delves for the wine cellar.

“wait, why didn’t he get to tell you?” it’s camille who asks, of course, following behind mom as every other sibling whitens like a sheet as they get the implication. emma, of course, is so grateful for the barriers and spells that sara mom and her have in place to not see a single drop of visions from each other— but that’s all they need as confirmation when they feel that ghost tickle at the back of their head.

sara straightens, face pinching like he’s tasted a lemon or lime, before shuffling on his heeled boots. “okay. cool. i’m gonna— jesus. i’m gonna go to bed.”

“same,” hugo mutters. “i’m crashing in your room because it’s closer. i’m stealing your pillow.”

emma watches with a sigh and louis follows behind, grabbing for one of their elbows. “i’m too drunk for this, i think. got room for a third?”

“i got a new rug yesterday. you ruin it, you’re keeping it.”

“cool.”

it’s just charlotte and emma left in the hallway, now. charlotte looks sympathetic, at least, and that’s all she can hope for— she grins when emma’s shoulders relax. “did you have a good birthday, at least?”

“i think that was really fun,” charlotte replies with a laugh, linking arms with her. “but i think we should eat something before sleeping. alcohol isn’t good on an empty stomach.”

“i think we have cereal left, if louis didn’t eat all of it.” emma leads the way into the kitchen, to where carmille is desperate to not collapse onto luka, snoozing away with their banshee hair.

“give me some too,” marinette sighs as carmille gives in and goes slack against luka. “i’m tired.”

“i’ll say, mousey. you put in a lot of work—” marinette kicks luka before he even finished his remarks, and both emma and charlotte do their best not to shudder.

#speakizys #demon lovin #i just had to get this one out of my head and onto paper #i’m not even sure if this is gonna make it in one day

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horansqueen · 3 years

Text

New Angel - Chapter 6

story masterlist [x]

chapter 1 ☆ chapter 2 ☆ chapter 3 ☆ chapter 4 ☆ chapter 5

NOTES

☆ written from Niall’s pov ☆ i don’t proofread, I never do, I hate it. ☆ AU comedy/fluff/smut/romance ☆ 2.5k ☆ i accept requests and ideas for this story, so message me in my inbox! ☆ if you want to be notified when this story is updated (or be taken off the update list) CLICK HERE

NIALL

But even after stating that we needed to talk, we both remained silent for a while, just not wanting to be the first to start the discussion. I could feel my heart beat hard in my chest and I was wondering if she could hear it. After a while, she sighed and rolled away from me, searching for her clothes on the floor. I sat up and grabbed my boxer, quickly putting them on before turning my head her way. She had put her panties and shirt back and she finally sat next to me without daring to look at me.

"What did you want to talk about, Niall?" she asked very carefully in a low tone.

My eyes moved down on her body slightly and I saw she was playing nervously with the bottom of her shirt. I didn't know what stressed her that much but I suddenly felt guilty for it. I didn't want to make her feel bad, it wasn't the point of the discussion, and I realized that by not being clear and direct, It was only making things worse.

"I just wanted to know what kind of relationship you're looking for."

Her traits softened a bit and the right corner or her lips moved up. "Oh." she whispered, shrugging a shoulder slowly. "I.. I haven't thought about it yet."

I breathed in and closed my eyes, deciding that being honest was the only good way to go and I finally cleared my throat.

"My girlfriend broke up with me only a few weeks ago." I quickly let out before licking my lips and glancing at her. "I'm still.. I'm still in love with her, and I don't know when I'll be over her. I thought when you and I met.. that it would be just a one time thing, but then, I don't know, I just wanted to spend more time with you, I guess."

I stopped talking and turned my head in her direction, waiting in silence. I could feel my heart thump against my rib cage but I was not sure why. After a few seconds, Summer turned her head my head too before leaning it against the wall behind us. Her loving eye roamed on my face and she sent me a small and sad smile.

"I'm sorry you're going through a hard time, Niall. Losing the person you love is never easy, trust me, I know." Her voice was soft and I breathed in, realizing I had been holding my breath. "I'm not looking for anything specific. We can... be friends. We can fuck sometimes if you want." she paused and started nibbling on her bottom lip. "And if you ever want more, I mean, who knows? We can just see where it leads us."

I felt suddenly relieved and stared in her eyes for a while. The more I was looking at her, the more I realized that I actually liked that girl. I had no idea what kind of feelings I had for her, or what kind of feelings I could develop for her, but at that exact moment, sitting in her bed next to her after having sex, I felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

"Sounds like a plan." I admitted in a low tone, smiling more. "So, we're not exclusive?"

Summer pressed her lips together as she studied me. I didn't ask that question because I planned to have sex with other girls, or because I needed it. In fact, I just wanted to know where we stood. I was not a really jealous person and I didn't really mind if she was having sex with someone else while we did too. I didn't want to admit it to myself, but it would probably hurt me more if I found out Grace was having sex with an other man. I felt guilty about that thought before licking my lips and letting the air that I kept captive in my lungs finally out. Of course that's how I felt, and there was nothing to feel bad about. I was still in love with Grace and I barely knew Summer.

"No, we don't have to be exclusive." she finally agreed, tilting her head slightly. "We can even make rules if you want."

"Rules?" I frowned, tilting my chin up slightly. "Like what?"

"I don't know." she shrugged, looking away for a few seconds before turning back to me. "Like, no public display of affection?"

"No holding hand, or kisses, or anything like that?"

"Mmhm. In public, we're just friends."

I let my eyes roam on her, wondering if she was just proposing or if it's really what she wanted. It was tough, I didn't really know her, and I had no idea if she was the type to say what she really thinks, or to be more passive aggressive.

"Okay, if that's what you want, it's cool." I nodded with a shrug.

"Also, when I have to study, I'll definitely be unavailable."

I smiled more and let out a low chuckle. "Noted." I replied, moving my face slightly closer to hers before lowering my voice. "I'll use my hand."

My answer seemed to satisfy her and she just nodded a bit.

"Is there anything you want to add?"

I tried to find something that would really bother me and couldn't find much. We were still two strangers who were about to start a friends with benefits relationship, and I knew things could get complicated. I didn't want to make them difficult already.

"Just one thing." I finally said, raising my eyebrows and making her frown. "We need to be honest with each other. No lies. You can tell me you don't want to answer my questions, but please, no lies."

Her face softened and she sent me a sweet smile. "Deal."

---

"Okay, share."

My lips curled in an amused smile and my eyes moved to my friend, sitting next to me. Her hand was extended and after literally two seconds, she shook it slightly to tell me to hurry up. I Searched through the bag next to me and finally placed a few jelly beans in the palm of her hand. She didn't even look at it and just threw them in her mouth, her eyes never leaving the screen.

"Thank you." she just said, spreading her legs and placing them on my thighs.

I didn't think anything of it and put my hands on her with a sigh. "You complained about me watching the same movie all the time, yet here you are."

When I walked back home it was almost midnight. The discussion I had with Summer made me feel better and somehow, I felt like she was better too. I didn't really want to spend my night there though, I've always preferred to be in my stuff at night, or perhaps I didn't want things to go too fast... or maybe it was a mix of both reasons. It didn't really matter. When I passed the door, I saw Millie sitting alone in the living room, watching an old comedy from the 90's and I just sat with her to watch it. Apparently, I was sitting between her and her bag of candies, which meant I had to feed her whenever she wanted, and I found it quite funny.

"I watch the same movies over and over again because I want it. You did it because you were depressed. It's totally different."

I chuckled and rolled my eyes, shaking my head slightly. Millie was one of the funniest persons I knew and I had learned to enjoy her company in a way I never thought I would. In fact, she quickly became my best friend and I felt just as close to her as I was to Louis... even more than I was with him these days, since he was barely home."

"Where's Louis?" I asked, turning to look at my friend.

She just shrugged but I noticed her face change from focused to sad. I could tell she was only half following the movie after my question and I felt bad for asking.

"No idea."

"Are you two alright?" I asked gently after a minute or two, trying to find the right words to use to make sure I didn't make things worse.

"What do you mean?"

"You like him, do you?" I asked, letting my shoulders fall.

"Yea, he's my best friend."

I stared at her before bending down slightly closer and squeezing one of her legs. "Mill, come on."

Slowly, she turned to look in my eyes and I noticed how uncomfortable and sad she was. I didn't want to force her into confiding in me, but I also knew Louis and I were her closest friends. She would hang out with her co-workers sometimes, and talk on the phone with some friends she kept from school but I was pretty sure she wasn't talking about her personal problems or her deep feelings with any of them. Perhaps, she only talked about these kind of things with Louis and it was probably one of the reasons why they were so close now. Unfortunately, it was hard to confide about someone to that same person, and since Millie and I had gotten closer in the past few weeks, I wanted her to know I was a good ear.

"I don't know what to tell you Niall." she whispered before swallowing hard. "I don't know how I feel for him, I don't know how he feels for me. We just fuck."

I knew it was more than that but I didn't insist. Instead, I reached for her hand and squeezed her fingers right after she turned around to put her eyes back on the screen. I knew she was not looking at the movie at all anymore and when she squeezed my fingers back, I felt my heart twist in my chest. I loved Louis, he was my best friend, but somehow, I felt like he was hurting Millie and I hated it more than I wanted to admit.

If Millie had asked me to make things clear with Summer, it was probably because of how vague and undefined her relationship with Louis was. I could remember Millie dating but she was always very private. I also never heard her use the words 'in love' with any of the people she officially dated but I was pretty sure Louis was the closest to 'love' she had ever felt, if only because of the way she looked at him sometimes.

"So, how did things go with Summer?" she finally asked, making me raise my nose up in a grimace.

I knew she was interested but I also knew she asked because she wanted me to stop questioning her about Louis.

"Quite well, I think." I replied with a sigh. "We decided on a non-exclusive fuck buddies relationship for now."

Millie smirked and turned to me, raising her eyebrows. "Ahh, so she's a good lay?"

I breathed in and held it for a few seconds before sighing against and shaking my head. "I mean, yea, she is."

Millie moved her legs off of my lap and moved closer, trying to get me to look at her in the eyes and when I finally did, her eyebrows were raised again and her lips were parted.

"Tell me more."

"No it's just-" I cut myself and let my head fall on the back of the couch, closing my eyes. I felt Millie shake me slightly and I chuckled, my eyes fluttering open before I turned my head her way. "She's a shy girl, she knows about two positions and if I hadn't asked, I think she'd just go with the missionary every single time. She's just a bit..."

"Vanilla?"

"Yea, maybe."

Millie nodded but her lips slowly curled again into a smirk. "I didn't know you were a kinky guy!"

"No it's not that it's just... I mean she wouldn't even let me go down on her."

This time, Millie looked even more surprised and she shook her head. "I'll never see the day that I refuse head from someone."

"What if it's someone horribly ugly or worst, someone you literally hate?"

"I mean, there are exceptions, of course. But for the others you can just close your eyes and pretend it's someone else." Millie shrugged, making me laugh. "You'd refuse head from a girl?"

"Well, it hasn't happened." I let out before quickly adding. "Yet!"

"Yea, you tell me when that happens!" she laughed too.

"Promise!"

We both heard the door and suddenly, Millie's smile fell. We waited until Louis appeared and he stopped immediately, his eyes moving from Millie to me and then back to her. I didn't know why it was so awkward and somehow, I felt like I didn't belong there but at the same time, It felt like I shouldn't move.

"Hey, Tommo, where were you?" I asked, knowing that question was burning Millie's lips but that she'd never ask him.

"Just... with friends."

Suddenly, it hit me and I felt my heart twist in my chest. Louis was lying to me. He was blatantly lying and it was so obvious that I knew Millie was aware of it, too. After all, we all had known each other for years and it was hard to hide our feelings from each other. We were so used to see the others' reactions that it was stupid from Louis to even try to lie to us. Still, I decided not to say anything and nodded.

"I'm tired, I'll just go to bed now." he let out, walking behind the couch to reach the hall. "'Night guys."

"Good night!" I let out.

But Millie kept quiet and when my eyes fell on her again, she swallowed hard. We waited until we heard his door close and I held my breath when I realized how roughly he had slammed it. Millie closed her eyes and somehow, I knew she was near crying. She quickly got up and cleared her throat, making me get up too.

"I think I'm gonna sleep too." she murmured, her voice still cracking a bit as she tried to avoid my eyes. "Good night, Niall."

She turned to leave but I moved my upper body closer and grabbed her wrist gently to stop her, pulling her to me.

"Hey, Mill, wait." I took a step closer and quickly wrapped my arms around her neck, locking her head against my shoulder and burying my face in her neck. "It'll be alright." I whispered, holding her even tighter. "Just talk to him, okay?"

She didn't answer but after a while, I loosened my embrace and she tilted her head, sending me a sad smile. "Thank you." Her voice was weak and I felt so powerless, watching her in pain. I knew how that felt so well. I was still deep into that feeling, too.

"If you need me, I'm only a few steps away." I proposed, staring in her eyes. "First door on the right."

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan story #niall horan love story #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan writing #niall horan au #my fanfics #newangel

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beastsars · 4 years

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hi can u do a hc of legoshi as ur bf? sorry for the trouble 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 btw i love ur writing

i rambled a lot but i came through with more legoshi content. amen. cut for length not content.

—he can be rather awkward with his affections at times, though not always intentional. sometimes he just doesn’t know when is the best time to reach out for your hand. or when his desire to be near is reciprocated. legoshi has just always been mindful of his nature so it’s a difficult habit to break. therefore it’s generally your responsibility to take initiative or at the very least help him get to a point where he’s comfortable slugging his arm casually over your shoulder or waist while in public.

— rather enjoys drawing you close after a long day and snuggling up against whatever surface the two of you collapse against. will absolutely melt into you when you scratch your fingers under the shell of his ears or the sensitive area above his tail. not above letting his leg kick subconsciously at the sensation. he’ll hum this low growling purr at the back of his throat creating a comforting rumble to help you lull off to sleep

— this pup is an absolute sucker for your smile. whether it’s directed at him or just gracing your face in general, he swears the shine of it could light the world. which often ignites his possessive and protective instincts in order to ensure that nothing threatens your happiness or safety. it’s one of the few times he’s grateful for a massive body and fearsome appearance. anyone who dares ill intentions towards you will often think twice about challenging him. nothing makes you feel more at home than his strong grip curling you into a comforting embrace and shrouding you away with his form.

— i’ll fight anyone who doesn’t think this man isn’t a great kisser can fight me out back in the darkest alleys of small garden street. he applies just the right amount of pressure and knows how to utilize his tongue to guard the sharpest points of his teeth. every intimate session will leave you breathless from the merticulous slow molding of his lips. he likes to hold you close, hands wandering with your consents. make him super happy by sitting in his lap, arms around his neck. love love loves when you play with his ears, letting them flicker this way and that. pup has some restraint but if you’re interested in testing it, while just right pitch and catch him scrambling.

— he appears to be obtuse but is rather sensitive to the most subtle changes in your moods. often relying on scent to catch the slightest hint of your tears. even if you tried to brush them away, he can still smell the salty aftertaste. its an oddly tender gesture to have his claws so close to your vulnerable face as he brushes away the wetness, cupping your cheeks and nuzzling his muzzle against yours. he will no doubt hunt down whoever put you in such a state, breaking his typical docile state in order to deter them from ever approaching you again.

— dates are pretty casual. often just relaxing strolls through the city or around the park. neither of you can resist stopping by your favorite cafe where you’re known as regulars. at times you both surprise each other with impromptu dates, where it be a new movie or down to earth bar scene that premiering a favorite band. more often than not, the best dates are from the comfort of the couch after a nice meal. you make small bets on who gets to pick the movie or next binge special before amicable deciding to probably watch both anyway. neither of you really sweat the small details, just enjoying the company of one other is enough.

— this sweet boy has a love language of giving. from buying you your favorite sweets without prompting to showing up unannounced with dinner and a movie. it speaks volumes of his observation skills. he can tell when your gaze lingers too long at a storefront when you think he isn’t paying attention. of course he doesn’t do any of this with the exception of it being reciprocated, but man do you make his heart race when you surprise him for once with something of his tastes. he’ll appear to be shy and embarrassed when you randomly interrupt drama practice just to bring him a snack, remarking how he’s been working so hard. all the other members can’t help but giggle quietly to themselves as legoshi accepts the grocery bag of food sheepishly, his other hand rubbing at the back of his neck. even louis can’t help but snort humorously at the affection.

— please don’t test this puppy’s ability to get jealous, it’s not worth the trouble or the shame he’ll feel if he acts out prematurely just because you wanted a reaction. as mentioned, he can get very protective of what he deems his and will become rather reserved and guarded of your person. he’s not always on high alert, like some alpha incapable of letting anyone near his mate. but if he notices that someone just can’t seem to get the hint, he’ll be noticeable upset. torn between action on his emotions and respecting your ability to respect the relationship on your own. his tail will hang a little lower, ears flat with a dirty look in his eye every time that individual gets near. literally all you have to do is reach over to tangle your fingers together and lean into his side and that tail will perk up in no time.

— somewhere around the fifth or sixth month into your relationship he’ll come to the realization that he’s utterly in love with you. it’ll probably be early in the morning and you’re sliding back in bed after a quick trip to the restroom. you’re wearing the first thing you came across which happens to he his shirt that fits your body just right. and that smile, that damn smile attracts the sun as you rub your eyes sleepily. he thinks he kept it to himself, a quiet thought that he planned to spend the remained of the day meditating on. but then your grin is spreading impossibility wide, eyes losing sleep as you repeat the words back. the thump of his heart is so audible as he gathers you close as you both tumble head first into the next stage of your relationship.

#legoshi x reader #legoshi beaststars #beastars x reader #beastars headcanons #Anonymous

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anythingandeverything1d · 4 years

Text

The tape (part 2)

Part 1

Niall’s pov:

Niall, Louis, and Liam were watching the soccer tournament and eating pizza when the doorbell rang. All of the guys looked at each other and sighed. It had been a couple hours since (y/n) had fallen asleep in Louis’ guest bedroom. Harry had been calling and texting her phone non stop which was still sitting abandoned on Louis’ counter. No doubt Harry had tracked her location here. The pounding on the door began but no one moved. No one wanted to disrupt (y/n) right now. She had a hard enough time finding out about the tape and then realizing what exactly it had meant for their relationship, the last thing she needed was woken up by Harry. Louis sighed and stood up, walking to the door with Liam and Niall closely behind. Louis tugged open the door and there he was. He looked pitiful. His eyes were red, puffy, and blood shot. His hair was a mess, tangled curls pulled back from his face. “Harry, so nice ta see ya.” Louis smiled. “What can I do for ya?”

“I know she’s here...” he whispered. “I need to talk to her.”

Louis sighed and looked back at the guys who shook their heads. Niall stepped forward. “I’m not sure I would do that Harry.”

“Why’s that Niall?” Harry shook his head walking in.

“She’s a bit of a mess at the moment actually. I would give her some time to maybe settle down a bit.” Liam added.

“I need to see her..” Harry looked anxiously around.

“What happened?” Louis asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I want to fucking know why you just ruined the best thing you ever had.” Louis snapped back. “That girl deserved the world. She deserves the absolute best, your best. And you did what Harry? Made a sex tape with another girl?”

“Shut up, just tell me where she is Louis.” Harry was getting pissed.

“You should've seen her face when she found out. I’ve never seen a soul broken before but thanks to you and your stupidity now I have. You just ruined that girl. Broke her into a million little pieces.”

“Louis shut up!”

“How could you Harry? I really don't understand. I mean you had it all. She was your life. But now?” Louis laughed angrily. “Now you have nothing. There’s no way she’s going to forgive you for this. You just washed 7 years of love down the drain.”

“You know nothing.”

“Really?” Niall stepped in. “We know that you broke the girls heart. We know that she was inconsolable. She was physically sick when she watched the video. And then she begged us to take her away from YOUR house.” “I just don’t get it man. I mean was the sex not good or something? I never expected this from you. (y/n) is beautiful, she’s sweet, she’s-”

“I know!” Harry yelled. “I don't need anyone to tell me that. I need someone to tell me where she is.”

“No.” Louis crossed his arms.

“What?”

“No. I’m not telling you. She literally begged us to take her away from you and your house and all of your belongings. Why would we tell you where she was? You made her physically ill Harry, Niall had to hold her hair back while she was getting sick. What part of that aren’t you getting into your head. You don’t deserve her you know that right? And you definitely don’t fucking deserve to know where she is at the moment.”

“Where is she? Louis tell me where the fuck my girlfriend is!” Harry screamed. He was losing it. He pushed past the three guys, looking for her. “(y/n)?” he called out. “(y/n)!” After not hearing an answer, he found her phone. He picked it up, more tears falling down his face. He looked at the guys and they looked away. Harry sighed and dropped his head and whispered, “None of you understand. (y/n) may not understand and you’re right, she may never forgive me. But she deserves to know the truth....”

“And what’s the truth?” you quietly mumbled stepping out from around the corner.

Your pov:

You had crept out of bed, and were silently listening around the corner to the boys arguing. Harry was upset, from the small glance you had seen of him passing by, clearly this situation hadn’t been much easier on him than it had on you. He looked like a mess, something you very rarely saw. You had been fully content on just listening and wandering back to your room when he left, but something inside you had flipped when he said it. You needed the truth. You needed to know why he had ruined 7 years of a relationship, plans to get married, have kids, and grow old together, all for 4 minutes of a sex tape with some random ass girl.

Harry just looked at you, the truth of the situation sinking in. His green eyes searched yours for any sign of hope but you held steady. “Why did you do it? Why did you ruin what we-” your voice broken and you looked down. “What we had?” You were crying now, approaching Harry fast. “We talked about marriage Harry. We talked about kids, and and growing old together!” You screamed, lashing out at him.

“I still want that!” He held his arms up. “(y/n) I swear I-”

“YOU CHEATED HARRY! YOU FUCKING NOT ONLY SLEPT WITH SOMEONE ELSE BUT YOU HAD TO FUCKING RECORD IT TOO!” You couldn’t help it, you slapped him hard on the cheek. He looked shocked, pain flashing through his eyes. You had never hit him before, never even thought about it. You could see the pink handprint forming already on his cheek and you raised your hand to his face, He grabbed it, holding it steadily away from him. You were sobbing and Louis had rushed over trying to decide when he should intervene. You frantically were pushing against Harry’s chest with your free hand, you couldn’t even see through the tears but you wanted him to feel the pain you felt. “What happened to TRUST? What happened to us promising if there was a problem we would fix it TOGETHER? What did I do to make this happen? Why did you do it....” You couldn’t breathe, you dropped to your knees on the floor sobbing and trying to catch your breath. “Why wasn’t I good enough for you?”

“No...no baby that’s not it at all....” Harry whispered painfully. You could almost hear his heart breaking in his voice. Your eyes were closed but you felt arms tighten around your body. You were hiccuping through the tears trying to catch your breath when you were pulled onto someone’s lap- Harry’s lap. You knew the feeling, the way you fit into him, the way he squeezed you in certain places when you were upset, you had no doubt it was Harry’s lap you were on. You wanted to push him away, to get up, and prove a point but instead your body clung to his, your face burying into his chest for comfort. You could feel his tears falling onto the top of your head, your tears meanwhile were fully soaking into the t-shirt he was wearing. Your fists clutched the shirt on his chest, holding on for dear life. Harry rocked you slowly, whispering calming words and trying to settle you down. “Shh....I’m so sorry (y/n)....I’m so sorry.”

You don’t know how long you sat there, but it was long enough to hear Niall and Liam mumble goodbye and leave. It was also long enough for Louis to tell Harry to carry you into the guest bedroom for the night. Harry set you carefully on the bed and when you refused to let go of his shirt, he climbed in next you. You looked up at him through the tears that were still falling. His green eyes were red and exhausted but he attempted a smile and wiped a tear from your cheek. Without saying anything, he shifted his body so that you were curled up next to him, your head laying flat on his chest, your ear pressed to his heart listening to the slow and familiar thumps of his heartbeat. He didn’t dare say anything, and neither did you. You wanted to move, to tell him to leave but you were so utterly exhausted you just didn't have the energy anymore. Instead, you just closed your eyes, drifting into dull and uneasy sleep.

When you woke up, you groaned. Your head was fuzzy, your eyes felt puffy and tired, and you felt a little sick to your stomach. You rolled over blinking. Harry was still softly snoring next to you, and for a minute you curled up into him, your fingers trailing his jaw the way you would on a normal morning. Then you realized there was nothing normal about this morning. Everything came flooding back to your head. The tears, the fighting, the sex tape. You jumped up, waking Harry in the process. “(y/n)...” his deep voice was covered in sleep, making it just a little slower and deeper than normal. He sat up rubbing his eyes, “Wait...” You looked at him, new tears forming in your eyes. He sighed and patted the bed next to you. “Can we talk please...” You shook your head and collapsed, your back against the wall. Harry just took a breath and looked at you. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I never intended for any of this to happen. I want to tell you everything. I want to make things better. I want-”

“You can’t.”

“What?” He looked at you, his green eyes begging for a chance but you looked away.

“You can’t make this better Harry. The damage is done.”

“(y/n)-”

“Just leave.”

“Babe..”

“Go away Harry. I don’t want to hear your excuses. I don’t want to listen to you beg for forgiveness. I can’t. I won’t. You need to go.”

“Just let me talk okay? I- I need to-”

“Harry I don’t want to listen. I’m not ready for this. Yesterday I watched you fuck another girl in OUR bed. I had to read through the millions of tweets people sent me about the sex tape, and then I had to watch it again, just to make sure it was real. I’M DONE. I CAN’T DO THIS....I hate you.” You were crying again but you weren't about to give in. He couldn’t just bat his eyes and think everything would go back to normal.

Harry stood up, moving towards you. His face looked panic stricken and he looked the way he had when you slapped him last night. When he took another step in your direction, you froze. “LOUIS!” you screamed.”LOUIS HELP!” Louis came sprinting into the room, shirtless and confused. You looked up at him through tears.”Tell him to go. Make him leave...” You begged crying. Louis looked from you to Harry and ran his fingers through his hair.

“Harry, I think you should go...”

“Louis, don’t be ridiculous. This doesn’t even involve you-”

“Actually you’ve kinda forced me into the situation now haven't ya? Just go. I’ll make sure she's okay...I’ll keep you updated.” Harry looked down at you. He was crying too, realizing just how badly he had screwed things up. He looked at Louis again who nodded at the door. “You’re only hurting your chances more by staying.”

Harry nodded, shuffling his feet through the door. He made it to the hallway and stopped. “I love you. I love you now and I loved you every MINUTE of the last 7 years. I won’t give up on us.” Harry sniffled, wiping a tear and then headed down the hall to the front door.

When you heard the door close you broke down. Louis sat next to you, trying to ease the pain and comfort you in some way but out of all the guys he was probably the worst at these situations. Your heart physically ached and you couldn’t breathe. You were choking on tears and partially regretted watching him leave. “Come on love,” Louis tugged you to your feet and dragged you into the kitchen. “Let’s get some food into ya. You’ve not eaten anything in quite a long time.”

Louis set to work in the kitchen, you were still crying but thankfully Liam and Niall had showed up, probably after Louis had texted begging for help but either way you were grateful. Niall was sat next to you at the table, talking to you about his golf tournament this weekend. Liam was making scrambled eggs and Louis was attempting pancakes. You were partly listening to Niall and partly drifting off in space. You weren’t even thinking, your mind was just wandering and not totally present. “(y/n) are ya alright?” Niall asked concerned.

You blinked and looked over at him. Niall looked at the other guys for help. Louis set a plate with pancakes and eggs in front of you. “She needs to eat.” he said looking at Niall.

Niall nodded and picked up a fork and held it out to you. “(y/n) why don’t ya just take a bite...Food makes everythin better.” You didn’t say anything, just took the fork and stirred around the eggs.

“Come on love, the food will help you feel a little better. Might even give you a little bit of life.”

“I have nowhere to go...”

“What?” Louis asked confused.

“I’ve been living with Harry for the last 4 years...I have no place to live.”

“(y/n) that’s not true. You can live here. You know you are always welcome at Tommo’s place.”

“Yeah, and your always welcome at mine too.” Niall added.

“Bear would love having his aunt (y/n) around.” Liam noted nodding his head.

You didn’t answer. You just took a bite of the eggs and pushed the plate away. “I think I’m going to go lay down. I’m not really hungry.” You stood up and looked at your feet, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone and walking in the direction of the bedroom.

Niall’s pov:

The boys all looked at each other as you wandered away back to the bedroom. “She needs to be carefully watched.” Liam noted eating a mouthful of eggs. “Clearly she’s not okay.”

“How in the world could she be okay Liam?” Louis scoffed. “Harry was her whole world. I mean, do you even remember the last fight they had? Because I can’t think of a single example. They’ve been together 7 years! Her whole world is being flipped upside down.”

“I wasn’t saying that, I’m just saying I’m worried about her.” Liam pushed the now empty plate back and sighed. “We will have to take turns being with her until she’s back on her feet. It’s the least we can do.”

“I told Harry we would keep him updated..”

“Is that a good idea? I mean he’s probably just as unstable as she is.”

“I think he's going to constantly be worrying though and thats never a good thing. Remember when we were on tour and (y/n) fell and called Harry crying because she needed to go to the hospital to get stitches and Harry literally almost cancelled the concert because he was so worried and felt like he needed to be there. He wouldn’t eat, sleep, or move from his phone until he was sure she was in bed, being watched over and taken care of. And then all night he called her to check in and constantly beat himself up because he wasn’t there with her. They are both going to struggle with this. Harry maybe even more than (y/n).. it was his fault after all.”

The guys nodded and frowned. “They need our help. We can’t let them be by themselves during this time.” Niall mumbled through a mouthful of pancakes.

“What do we do?” Liam asked.

“Well (y/n) watch should be pretty easy since she’s here. We will just have to make sure at least twice a day someone checks on Harry and since we are working on this project it shouldn’t be too out of the ordinary to call and show up at his place.”

“Do you think she will ever forgive Harry?” Niall looked up with a concerned look.

“I don't know...” Louis sighed and looked in the direction of the bedroom (y/n) was nestled in. “I think for both of their sakes they will need to work things out. Even if it's just as friends.”

---

Part 2! What do you think? Will (y/n) even talk to Harry? Will they be friends? Will there be more to the story? What do you think should happen?

Check out part 3 ;)

Thanks for all of your love and support on Part 1! You are all incredible! xoxo

#one direction #directioners #one direction fanfiction #one direction imagines #Harry Styles #harrystyles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #louis tomlinson #louis tomlinson fanfiction #Niall Horan #niall horan fanfiction #liam payne #liam payne fanfiction

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period-dramallama · 4 years

Text

Spanish Princess Episode 5: many many thoughts

Strap yo selves in

-WHERE WAS THE APOLOGY?? Lina’s just back with Catherine like nothing happened??

-Katherine, I get why you’re upset, but you kind of should be unsurprised?? Your dad was unfaithful to his wife, most kings were. Henry VII and Richard III were the exceptions, and even they had illegitimate sons before their marriages. Many kings also had official mistresses that everyone knew about, so by the standards of the time Henry and Bessie are actually being pretty tactful in at least trying to keep their affair out of sight. (Sexy dancing aside).

-Honestly it would have been so much more moving if KoA was like “I know kings take mistresses...but I thought...I was so sure... he would be different...”

-”they gave me a purse of gold!” It’s expected that you give the monarch lavish presents, lmao Ursula and Stafford would do that even if they hated each other and you

-”everybody loves a masque” the only sensible thing Henry has said so far in this show. Also court probably had way more masques than we see in the show, and it would standard to have a masque every holiday.

-”she is not a boy” hurry up with your character development and learn to love Mary already i am so TIRED of this miserable BS

-seems a rather depopulated masque? If the Chateau Vert pageant is anything to go by putting on a masque was a court activity, with most of the ladies performing.

-Bessie Blount in her cute masque costume... sweet mother i cannot weave Aphrodite has overcome me with GAAAAAAAAAAAAY

-”I never enjoyed carousing...my mother scolded me” look i love the Neville sisters with my whole heart but a) Margaret was 3 at most when her mother died, how does she remember her? She’d have clearer memories of her double-uncle and double-aunt, Richard III and Queen Anne b) Isabel Neville in the White Queen was established as very prim and proper, a well-bred girl who cared about enforcing decorum, she refused to ‘carouse’ and she certainly would never bring a 3 year old to a party c) we saw little Margaret as a girl at the end of the White Queen and she didn’t seem at all shy.

-”she died young, didn’t she” ...yes? most people did?

-”they both did” understatement of the year. Isabel Neville died young because she was ill, George died young (in the universe of The White Queen, at least) BECAUSE HE WAS FORCEFULLY DROWNED IN A VAT OF MALMSEY WINE. THESE TWO THINGS ARE NOT THE SAME! I do at least trust the writers of this show that the understatement was intentional, I’m sure even Emma Frost couldn’t forget a major character getting violently drowned.

-So the court only noticed the plague when one of their own got it so obviously and then died? Yes, plague could move fast, but if there was a whiff of plague the court would flee with the speed of the Looney Tunes road runner. If an acquaintance of an acquaintance of a cook had a cousin who saw someone with the plague, the court would flee to the country. How have these people not died of terminal stupid?! Like Compton was in the same building as the heir to the throne

-To be fair, it makes sense that they’re surprised Compton’s dead. Because the real Compton died of the sweating sickness. In 1528. Also he was involved in Buckingham’s downfall so... you just wrote yourself into a corner.

-Oh wow an actual good reason for More and Pole to be quarantined together i am amaaaaaazed

-”attend the queen” Boleyn, what do you think your daughter’s been doing all season if not attending the queen? Playing tetris?

-Katherine helping Anne into the wagon...I actually like that little moment. Like it does make sense, because the two have no reason to hate each other yet. (And who couldn’t like Anne? She’s such a babby!)

-Thomas More in the Tudor equivalent of casual clothes... much better. Shame about the 1930s lady’s wig.

-”what else should we do?” Maggie, this cannot be the first epidemic you’ve ever lived through. Have you forgotten the sweating sickness of 1485? You’ve probably lived through more epidemics than Oviedo has, you should know the protocol better than him.

-Oviedo continues to be the only man with rights. I wish we could see him crying and missing his wife and babies, but then my lil heart would break so maybe it’s for the best.

-They burn Maggie’s weird blue hood AS THEY SHOULD! IT WAS UGLY AND STUPID! I NEVER HAVE TO LOOK AT IT AGAIN NOW! THANK YOU SO MUCH! yes they also burned her nice dress with the strawberries on it but honestly it’s worth it, bc now i can rest easy, knowing the evil hood has been defeated.

-”you were a plaything” Katherine is so obviously insecure. I’m getting second-hand embarrassment. Like if she really was certain Bessie wasn’t important, she wouldn’t need to say it, would she? Except to rub it in. Which this KOA would absolutely do.

-literally all Bessie said was good morning?? Like Bessie is doing her best?? The masque was Henry’s idea, not hers, she hasn’t shown off about her affair, she hasn’t demanded money or titles, she hasn’t demanded any status to rival Katherine’s, she doesn’t flirt with or even speak to Henry when Katherine’s around, she acts like they’re strangers, she doesn’t even react when Katherine loses her temper...someone please please stick up for Bessie!

-”the rocking of the cart is unsettling to the stomach” is Anne naive, or is she covering for Bessie? I hope it’s the latter, in which case Anne is the one person looking out for Bessie...the babby is Soft, I repeat the babby is Soft!

-the irony of Mary being cold to Bessie when she’s next in the firing line...

-”it is not the rocking” Thank you Lina, where would we be without your gift for stating the obvious?

-”where did Wolsey get his money”...He’s a churchman...at the top of the church hierarchy...how do you fuckin think he got wealthy. Have y’all not been in the sixteenth century for five minutes? Why do you think Luther is so mad at the church?

-”I know of no other man in her bed most nights” Honestly wow I’m surprised KoA wasn’t like “well :/ a girl like that :/ who knows how many men process in and out of her bed :/” KoA gets half a point for being less bitchy than usual. Also Bessie looked so uncomfortable with Henry groping her stomach in front of Katherine. I pray the next man in her life treats her right and that Fraham don’t prematurely kill her off like they did with Compton.

-”the future king” if you’re regent on his behalf, then he’s already king! “Civilised companionship” back at it again with the Scots-are-barbarians.

-Laura Carmichael is utterly stunning this episode, with her hair down. The cinematography was beautiful in general this week.

-”freedom to speak and licence to speak are two different things” hey look at that one of Thomas More’s actual beliefs. I am giving all the credit to the historical advisor for that, I don’t believe for one second Fraham knew that beforehand.

-Maggie I love you but no, God does not sanction adultery. For any reason.

-KOA smirking and gloating about Bessie’s pain...she has never been so punchable. I would understand, if not condone it, if Bessie was manipulative, or greedy, or ambitious, or trying to supplant Katherine. But Bessie’s been betrayed by Henry too, and there’s no concrete evidence she ever gloated about her affair, to anyone let alone Katherine.

-”You think only of your own fate while London is struck down with plague” Earth to Katherine?? What concern have you shown for the Londoners?? Also calling Bessie selfish...Bessie’s not the one who lashed out at Lina, was jealous at Lina for having twin boys, and who wanted to continue a war for personal reasons. And then Bessie proves KoA wrong 5 hot seconds later by sticking up for Mary. Bit rich of KoA to be all “how dare you leave my daughter unattended” when she herself won’t even hold Mary.

-”Louis didn’t last a year” What! Is! The Timeline!

-Meg in that cloak reminds me of the Scottish Widow adverts. Georgie is so greedy- she steals every single scene she is in! Even when she’s raging she has more dignity and more presence than KoA ever has.

-”YOU LYING SOD” i burst out laughing it’s really not the little two-timing shit’s day, is it?

-Mary receiving Charlie B in the most Extra way possible. A++

-Why does Wolsey look like he’s about to cry?

-”thoughts are not actions” Lina I love you but... that is NOT what the New Testament says. Jesus said evil thoughts are very very much sins. I’ll give you a pass because maybe you haven’t been Catholic as long as Katherine has? Idk your backstory.

-Aaand now she’s wishing death on Bessie and her unborn baby and Lina isn’t disgusted? At least Katherine is feeling guilty. AS SHE SHOULD.

-”must it always fall to me to be magnanimous?” Katherine, you think only of yourself, for 23 out of every 24 hours.

-”God wants me to be compassionate to Bessie because of my sins” God wants you to be compassionate because that’s how Christianity is supposed to work. It’s not very selfless of you to decide to be selfless so that you can get what you want.

-oh wow look at that! She’s getting some self-awareness, i never saw that coming.

-”you betrayed Bessie” 5 points to Katherine of Aragon for standing up for Bessie when Henry screwed her over. Finally, some positive character development.

- MINUS 20000 POINTS FOR BABY STEALING

-WHAT THE FUCK

-is henry so dumb he thinks that baby is Katherine’s? Katherine was so obviously not pregnant

-When a baby’s born his skin needs to touch his mother’s skin so they can bond. They should have at least an hour’s cuddle time. Katherine of Aragon is literally traumatising a baby the very minute he is born. For her own selfish, selfish desires.

#the spanish princess

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sir-silly · 4 years

Text

TWDG S4 First Playthrough

E1 - Ohh how I’ve missed these characters. S4 isn’t flawless, but I love it so freaking much. The collectables are one of my favorite parts, tbh. I’m such a simp for Louis and that’s never gonna change, ngl. He’s so cute and caring and ugh. I need me one of those. Clem is so damn lucky.

Unsurprisingly, I’m the worst at controlling this season in particular. I’m not used to the mouse sensitivity being so high with the camera when you’re walking around but I can’t change it because then it’ll be different when I’m picking choices and stuff. I freaking suck at all of the kill walker scenes, I seriously died like 5 times clearing them out to help the hunting party. I’m concerned about when I have to help James at his camp lol.

The confrontation with Marlon at the end is so damn good. I just always find it so perfect and well done. Also, Louis helping AJ up when he gets pushed down is so fucking sweet. I love him so much. Appealing to him really hit hard and seeing that “Your relationship with Louis has changed” is just oof. I know what CJ has been talking about all this time now lol.

E2 - All of the cuts when Clem and AJ are talking at the beginning are freaking gorgeous. Like, with them standing in the same exact position with the background flashing are just MMMMM. That was really, really well done.

Fuck Lilly. Fuck her trying to help Clementine stand up. She makes me so damn angry. And Abel twisting AJ’s arm and Clem begging for him to stop just breaks my heart. It makes me wonder how much of these interactions Violet and Louis saw, because they would have known to turn around the second they heart that first gunshot. Like, while they were sneaking up, what all did they hear? I told Vi to shoot Lilly because, once again, fuck her.

I’m still so damn bad at the walker killing scenes. It’s honestly sad how terrible I am at them, like, I don’t know why I struggle so much. I think a part of it is that in previous seasons, it would only be like 2 or 3 walkers, meanwhile in S4, it’s like 5 or 6. It’s also probably the fact that we have to control both the camera and Clem’s movements. I just can’t do both.

James is cute. I love him. He’s a sweet boi. Louis carrying AJ in is cute. I love him. He’s a sweet boi. When they get upstairs and AJ calls for Clem, he just sounds so scared and it hurts me. He’s still just a little kid and I couldn’t imagine my cousins that are his age going through these kinds of things.

The banter between Clem, Ruby and Mitch at the greenhouse is so cute and wholesome. Like, Ruby saying that condensation is a big word for Mitch and him daring Clementine to drink whatever is in the vials with her saying “not in a million years.” It’s just so sweet and so similar to modern jokes between friends, it just makes me so happy.

Also, Mitch is one strong boi. Like, Clem is strong, don’t get me wrong. She fuckin chops down trees and pushes adults off of balconies, but she couldn’t get that damn propane tank to budge, meanwhile Mitch comes over and picks it up with one hand. It reminds me of Peeta in The Hunger Games with how he could throw bags of flour over his shoulders super easily.

Another also, the way Mitch says propane annoys me lol. He puts the emphasis on the O instead of the A, so it’s prOpane instead of propAne. It’s just always bothered me and I had to complain about it lmao. Ruby is cute. I love her. She’s a sweet gorl.

AJ asking to sleep in Clem’s bed, her saying she’s still little, and him saying he slept better with her are just so damn cute. I freaking love their relationship so damn much. They’re just so sweet together and I can’t help but gush over them.

Louis talking about Marlon while shooting arrows is just a great scene to me, no matter how short it is. I don’t understand how people can still hate him so much when he explains how close they were and how guilty he feels, not just about kicking Clem and AJ out, but his role in Marlon’s death.

In the previous seasons, I think players became really desensitized to a character losing someone. 1 was honestly pretty good with Kenny’s loss of Duck and Katjaa with his anger and hyperfixations, 2 was a mess with Luke losing literally everyone he knows and being like “meh”, and 3 was also really bad with how Mari, Gabe and David can all die and three days later, Kate’ll still be like “let’s start a family uwu.” I think because of all this, people were really hard on Louis when he reacted like a normal human being over Marlon, which really sucks.

During the card game, when Louis reassures AJ about not being there for the old world and he and Clem kinda nod at her, is so ffffucking cute. I’ll never get over that. They shared a similar look their first night when he gave AJ the rest of his soup even though he was clearly super hungry. I cherish these looks between them and for once, it almost seems unbalanced with Violet lol. Like, I don’t feel like you get those looks with Violet no matter what you choose like you do with Louis those first two episodes. And Louis teasing Aasim about Ruby is really adorable.

And of course, helping him tune the piano is just UGH. He’s so damn cute and I can’t get over it. The scene has some of my favorite interactions between him and Clem. One, where he’s like “How do you feel about our imminent deaths?” and she doesn’t say anything and he says, “You know I’m here for you.” and it’s so CUTE. Two, he has her blow on the strings, she says “I can’t believe I fell for that.” while laughing and he goes, “It’s good to see you like this.” Like, how damn sweet is this boy? He sees that she puts on just as much of a cold exterior as he does with a humorous one, realizing that they both let their guards down around each other. Three, Clem calling Louis a weirdo and him saying that she likes that so in reality, they’re both weird.

Another thing I’ll never get over is Mitch’s death. It makes me hella salty and just grrrr. LOOK HOW THEY MASSACRED MY BOY!!!!

E3 - Willy crying over Mitch’s body is oof. Louis holding Clem’s hand is oof. I wish there was a third option during Abel’s interrogation where you could tell AJ that you don’t want him to watch rather than saying he doesn’t have to.

Again, unsurprisingly, I sucked at James’ camp with the walkers. I had to kill some of them because I literally couldn’t stay alive, so that made me angry. I also missed some of the collectables at James’ barn which also made me mad. AJ and Clem’s interactions with the salt lick are super cute. Talking to James about walkers is much more of an oof when you actually let Lee turn.

So, here’s my thing about the scene in the barn with the walkers and the chimes. No, I don’t think there’s anything more inside of walkers and I agree completely with the dialogue choice that it sounds like hell if that’s true. So James is saying they’re at peace when you go in and touch the times, but that isn’t accurate. They walk up to the chimes because it’s noise. You can’t hear them growling and moaning because the audio switches to music to try and make it more meaningful. James then proceeds to say that when walkers are alone, they’re innocent and harmless which is so inaccurate it hurts. What about Sandra in Clem’s house almost killing Lee? What about the walker that bit Duck? What about the one that bit Lee? Or the one in the shed while Clem stitched her arm? The one that dragged Luke to the bottom of the lake? It’s bullshit.

Louis’ date with Clem makes me hella salty only because he doesn’t get to give her anything like Vi gives her a pin. That’s also bullshit. He’s fucking cute though with being unable to light the matches and saying, “Have you met you?” and shit. Ngl, the first time he said he saw some magazines in the headmaster’s office, I was like LOUIS NO, but they were just about dating so it’s ok lmao. AJ and Clem with the ball and the “I love you” are so fucking adorable.

The hootenanny is cute. Ruby is cute. Louis saying “a woman after my heart” is cute. Him saying leprechauns are too hard to explain to AJ is cute. It’s all cute. Clem tells Ruby that purple was her dad’s favorite color, but it also was her favorite color in S1. If you stand around her and Katjaa for long enough, she’ll tell her that it’s her favorite. So, it’s apparently changed, and it makes me wonder what it is now.

I don’t believe Willy’s reason for getting sent to Ericson. I think that the real reason he was sent was really upsetting, so he never told anyone why he was actually sent there. So, when he learned about masturbation, he thought it was funny and used that excuse instead to make it funny.

I know that the shit with Louis’ parents really hurt him, but I always laugh so hard over the meme that’s like, “violet: my grandma killed herself in front of me 😔. louis: my parents got me the wrong gucci flipflops 😭😭😭.” It’s really tempting to say the dialogue option “worst party ever” but I never do lol.

The dream sequence with Lee always gets to me. Specifically, when we hear “Hey, sweetpea” and Clem looks up in shock, when she runs to hug him, when he’s like “Just look at you,” and when he leaves saying, “It’s time to go. There’s people that need you.” And goddammit, wHERE IS MY OPTION TO TELL HIM THAT I LOVE HIM??!?!?!!! I DON’T JUST WANT TO SAY THAT I MISS HIM!!!!!! I WANT IT ALL!!!!

I’m not even going to get into all of my problems with Violet’s scene in the cell because it makes me too salty and mad. There were some issues with Louis’, too, but not nearly as many. Just grrrrr.

I suck at the fighting sequences as well lol. Like, I got Clem punched so many times lmao. Also, where is my option to be like, “Hey AJ give me the gun” so Clem kills Lilly. Because I want her dead and I want James alive, but I don’t want him to be the one pulling that trigger again. Angery. Where are my choices, choice based game?

E4 - AJ’s talking for the previously on TWD gives me chills when he’s like, “But I remember all the rules. And the first one...is never go alone.” So good. If you can give me chills with just audio and screencaps, you did a good job. Y’all, everyone’s gotta be so damn sore after that explosion. Like, they running around a limber and shit but nah, everything’s going to hurt. And Clem’s climbing all over all this metal with fire literally right next to it, that shit would be so damn hot you’d burn your hands.

Fuck Lilly and her trying to make you feel bad as she’s getting away on the raft. Fuck the fact that you can’t shoot her afterwards. I make the choice three damn times to shoot her, and you still don’t let me have my choice. Bullshit. I hope she eats shit and dies.

Louis and Clem hugging on land is so cute. Violet getting blinded is dumb. It’s like they had to even the levels since Louis got his tongue cut out, which is just stupid. If they wanted to have them both hurt, they should have just set that they pulled out her eye or something instead of her getting blinded after the fact. I find it really dumb. I can’t even tell you how many times I died on the damn beach trying to get through the walkers. It shouldn’t be this hard to control your game.

As much as I hate James’ character flip in the cave, I do love that scene and I prefer it over the one without him. AJ really does have a lot of problems and if I didn’t know that not trusting him would kill Louis, I would have picked that. But I love Louis too damn much for that. He’s still so young and none of these are choices that he should have to make. And the fact that he chose to shoot Tenn in the neck adds to that. He doesn’t know to aim for a non-kill shot to stop someone like Clementine does, so his first real friend ended up dead. And his perspective on things after the game is still messed up, which you can tell by the “What Clem taught me” segment at the end.

The reunion with Louis is adorable. Him saying “longest damn minute of my life” is adorable. Him talking about his skylight and the house they’re going to build is adorable. I love all of it. I always have a hard time with the final touch, because I love that he wants a new piano, the nostalgia of a treehouse, and the dialogue “Thanks dad” for the skylight lol. Tenn’s face when Louis tells him he can help with painting is so fucking cute.

Minnie coming up to the bridge is so well done. It’s so ominous (I think the French version is the creepiest) and the look Louis and Clem share is just like “wtf, do you hear that too?” I died a million times during their fight scene as well because I can’t play this game for shit. I don’t know why, but I find Louis jumping the gap really attractive lol. Like, our boi woulda killed it in long jump lmao.

Y’all got an axe. You shoulda broke the damn lock off that gate. Smh.

As always, the whole process of Clem getting bit and her talking with AJ in the barn is heartbreaking. It gets to me every damn time, just like her and Lee’s does. It’s honestly hard for me to decide which one is sadder because while Clementine raised AJ his whole life, Lee became her family so quick and was cut so short. I prefer the choice of killing Clem just because you get more dialogue between her and AJ before he cuts her leg off, but I didn’t have it in me to tell him that, so I told him to leave her.

I have mixed feelings about the placement of the flashback to McCarroll Ranch. Part of me thinks it belongs in a different episode, but another likes it where it is. It just doesn’t seem to fit well where it was placed.

Much like 9 year old Clem being able to drag an unconscious Lee into the jewelry store, it would be impossible for 5 year old AJ to get her thicc ass into that wheelbarrow and push her to the school. I enjoy the headcanon that James arrived not too long after the amputation and helped get her back, but decided to stay in the woods because he didn’t want anyone to see him.

I missed another collectable in the damn shed which I’m salty as hell about. I love the reuse of Take Us Back, as many of us do. I just had to bring it up because it makes me emotional. Clem pushing AJ on the swing is adorable. The dinner scene is adorable. Violet’s voice is adorable. Louis kissing Clem on the cheek is adorable. It’s all adorable.

When Clem asks if she did a good job, I will always and forever pick the “Is she crazy?!” option because everything she did was incredible. She never had to take care of AJ. She wasn’t stuck with him. She could have left him behind so many times, but she never did. And like Javier said, not everyone is like her, not everyone wants to take care of a baby. And she fought like hell for him day after day, no matter what.

And you can see, especially in the cave scene when AJ brings up the fact that she’s still just a kid too, that she still has so much bottled up inside. She grew up so damn fast and became a goddamn powerhouse. Anyone that got in the way of her and AJ was going to end up dead. She never knew what it meant to be a parent before the world ended. She didn’t get to the age where you understand the choices parents make when raising their kids. And yet, she still raised a child all while raising herself in the middle of an apocalypse.

Clementine, you did a better job than anyone else ever could have.

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