#i was merely into the characters with 7 seconds of total screentime so i made up whatever i wanted n that was it <3

[yume-fanfare]

Mar I need to know how bad the hetalia hit you because it was BAD with me I tell you

one of those guys is competing with tori for character ive drawn the most in my entire life and i am not sure if tori wins

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: General Hux

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Oh boy.

I think that Hux is a character who, more than anything, is emblematic of every single problem the prequel trilogy had. He had a great setup and first appearance, followed by one where he was just made a complete ass of, and then finally haphazardly thrown into a story where his entire character was betrayed for no apparent reason other than the writers just seemed to forget what the hell they were gonna do with him.

Motivation/Goals: This is where Hux really falls apart, and why he utterly fails as a villain. Ostensibly, Hux should be the loyal space military man we’ve seen done well before in characters like Tarkin. It’s a simple character type we’ve seen a lot in the franchise, but it’s tried and true. And to his credit, he seems to follow that in The Force Awakens, where he is actually set up extremely well, as most things in that movie were.

But then came The Last Jedi. This film marked the bumpy slide downward for the sequel trilogy, but Hux had smooth sailing all the way into the pit. In this film, he is treated less like the high-ranking official e is, and more like a complete and utter JOKE. He gets dragged across the floor and just belittled by his superiors at every turn, and by the film’s end it is abundantly clear he hates Kylo Ren. So this is going to set up some awesome internal power struggle in the First Order, right? WRONG. All that ends up happening is there are a few scenes where Hux looks pissy at Kylo, then it’s revealed he’s betraying the First Order to the rebels because he hates Kylo Ren that much, and then he is unceremoniously blasted away in the very next scene.

Literally nothing about his betrayal makes any sense because if nothing else, Hux has been established as loyal to the First Order. Much like everything in The Rise of Skywalker, they might have been able to pull this off if they bothered to explain anything, but his pouty, whiny little bitch-boy response of “I don’t care who wins, I just want Kylo Ren to LOSE!” is such an utterly demeaning and pathetic excuse that it just tanks his entire character and makes it a relief when he is blasted away.

Performance: Domhnall Gleeson is a good actor, and at least in The Force Awakens he’s really giving it his all, bringing a terrifying intensity to that scene where he gives a speech to the gathered First Order before Starkiller Base is activated. But after that first film, his performance just feels… almost phoned in. Hux is just a very dull, worthless character after that.

Final Fate: Hux’s death is fitting, seeing as he is a cowardly bastard with no dignity whatsoever; Pryde just immediately executes him on the spot without a second thought a single scene after Hux has revealed he is the mole in the First Order. It honestly saved the Resistance the trouble, because there’s no doubt Hux would be executed for war crimes after the war was over anyway. Kinda makes you wonder what the point of him being a mole was in the first place, to be honest.

Oh, right, there was no point.

Best Scene: The solitary moment where Hux manages to achieve greatness is during his terrifying Nazi-esque First Order speech in The Force Awakens as he revs up the Starkiller Base to blow up the Hosnian system. In fact, Hux really is only as bad as I think he is as a character because not a single film afterwards even attempts to try and emulate or match how Hux is portrayed in this scene. If they had ran with this characterization, we could have had someone on the level of Tarkin, Pryde, or Krennic instead of the idiotic slapstick punching bag who gets crapped on by his superiors every scene.

Best Quote: Just turn the subtitles on for his speech up there, that’s his unironic best quote. In an ironic sense, his petulant, whiny little reasoning for betraying literally everything he stands for despite being an unrepentant war criminal who would be executed at war’s end is hilarious for how absolutely stupid, awful, and juvenile it is: “I don't care if you win. I need Kylo Ren to lose!”

Final Thoughts & Score: Hux is, without a doubt, one of the worst villains ever, and unlike Palpatine he doesn’t have much to fall back on. Yes, Domhnall Gleeson is a good actor, but he is no Ian McDiarmid, that’s for sure, and he is entirely unable to salvage the character when things go south. It doesn’t help that, unlike Palpatine, who has three or four movies under his belt where he was hilarious and awesome as well as several other appearances in stuff like the animated shows or that one Kinect game where he straight up gets off his throne and busts a move (which is totally canon, I promise), Hux really just has three films where he just steadily gets worse as the series progresses, culminating in a third appearance that just cements him as one of the most dumbass characters conceived for this franchise.

It’s really baffling to think what they were trying to do with him. They set him up as a really cool and threatening military villain in the first film, then have him survive unlike his betters Tarkin and Krennic, and then just spend an entire film treating him like a complete and utter joke only to have him, in his final film, pull an utterly nonsensical and counterintuitive betrayal out of his ass that completely spits in the face of everything that was established about the guy up until that point. A 1/10 almost seems too nice for him, but let me tell you something: a 1 isn’t merely for a villain who sucks, that’s what 2 is for. 

No, a 1 is a villain who has utterly botched potential AND ALSO sucks. Malekith could have been cool, as his comic counterpart shows, but they squandered him; Dudepeel could have been an awesome cinematic Deadpool as the Ryan Reynolds performance earlier in the film showed, but the character was intentionally sabotaged; Rowan from Ghostbusters could have been an actual fun and funny villain while still being a jab at whiny entitled dudebros if the writing was any better; and Hux could have been a cool and threatening military villain if they didn’t just turn him into an utter joke and then totally mischaracterize him for no good reason. It really just is a fact that everyone who went in to The Rise of Skywalker came out infinitely worse; maybe I should be glad that Phasma was killed in The Last Jedi, because instead of being disappointing wasted potential she could have ended up like Hux.

But hey, while we’re here, let’s talk about the character in The Rise of Skywalker who is Hux done right:

Psycho Analysis: Allegiant General Enric Pryde

He’s ruthless. He’s efficient. He sees through lies and he gets things done. Enric Pryde is an utter badass and the exact sort of evil military commander Star Wars deserves as a villain.

Motivation/Goals: The Rise of Skywalker keeps things really vague since it is a film incapable of expanding on any idea, no matter how good it is, in a satisfying way, but what we do get is that Pryde is as loyal as they come, having served the Empire back in the day under Palpatine. He is just here to execute the will of the First Order and then the Final Order, no matter what, be it under Kylo Ren or Palpatine. Sweet, simple, effective, and never once betrayed by the story. Take that, Hux!

Performance: Richard E. Grant portrays Pryde, and he is just completely and utterly dead serious. There’s no jokes at his expense, nothing to mock, he is completely and utterly committed to his evil actions. I really don’t think I could possibly say it better than TVTropes did:

Final Fate: Of course, he gets blown up when that whole random CGI fleet that showed up with Lando comes in. Characters either went into The Rise of Skywalker and came out crappy or they died. There’s really no in between.

Best Scene: When he kills Hux, of course! It’s just a perfect showcase of his character, and it rids us of one of the sequel trilogy’s biggest embarrassments.

Final Thoughts & Score: Pryde is not the most deep or complex villain, nor is he utilized to his fullest potential; his past with Palpatine is largely unexplored, and he was just created for this movie, meaning he had absolutely no buildup whatsoever. Despite all that, though, he still manages to be cooler, more efficient, and more ruthless than any other villain in the whole sequel trilogy. He’s got limited screentime, was made entirely for this film, and is pretty much the bare minimum for what a great evil general should be in the franchise, but Richard E. Grant’s stoic and dead serious performance combined with the character’s crowning achievement – killing Hux – makes him a 7/10 in my book. 

The sad thing is that he’s probably the best major antagonist in the sequel trilogy, which is frankly kind of pathetic. And even more sad is how utterly he outdoes Hux, simply by being what Hux should have been all along and what The Force Awakens was clearly building him up as. 

[machi-kun]

Thanks for answering my question! And I’d love an in depth explanation of the compatibilities if you’re offering!!

of course! it’s no problem at all, I actually have a lot of fun talking about stuff like this SJDFSKDJFHKDJFS Here’s a brief explanation of why I put them in that order:

1. Rhodey: I feel like this is pretty self-explanatory. Despite Rhodey’s attitude being a little more uptight at times, you can see, in canon, that he’s just as dynamic and wild and capable as Tony, they share a similar humor and they have genuine care and affection for each other. Even if they have bad moments, like in IM2, it’s never out of hatred or anything like that - it’s Tony acting contrary to their friendship on purpose, out of his own issues, not a demonstration that their friendship isn’t as strong as it seems. In fact, it’s only proof that their friendship is as strong as it seems that Rhodey is able to jump back to Tony’s side almost immediately as he realizes what is really happening, and no hard feelings are kept from either of them. Out of everyone else, these two are the ones who truly understand and support each other.

2. Pepper: Pepper goes second because even though she has learned to navigate through Tony’s personality and issues quite well, and they do seem to have a nice relationship, Pepper falls short in a place where Rhodey doesn’t, and that’s why she’s the second, not the first, on this list. Pepper really struggles to understand Tony’s motivations as Iron Man - which is to say, she tries really hard to help Tony with some of his issues, but she goes about it in a less than advisable way. It’s not the worse of problems, certainly not in this list, but it’s enough not to give her first place, because between someone who vehemently tries and fails to conciliate this part of their lives together, in comparison to Rhodey, who does it flawlessly, does indicate that something in their relationship doesn’t fit quite as neatly as the first one does.

3. Natasha: In the MCU, Natasha and Tony are so eerily similar it’s shocking. They both have the same kind of personality, they both are very good in keeping a tight hold on their feelings, but are hopelessly loyal, despite pretending they’re lone wolfs or whatever they want the world to believe they are. They also are adaptable, in a sense that if they need to change plans quickly, change sides, change perspectives, change everything to make a certain mission work, they’ll do it, even if it’s hard - they struggle to live on the line between being practical and being idealists, because they are both, and sometimes they make decisions that hurt each other, but they never harbor too many hard feelings because they understand each other far too much to not see the other’s logic when they try to analyze their decisions. What’s unfortunate about the MCU is that Natasha made one of those decisions at a very essential moment of the story, which makes her seem far more loyal to Steve than to Tony - and whether you believe that or not, it’s up to you, but she doesn’t do it out of dislike for Tony; she merely does it because that’s what they do, they adapt.

4. Bruce: Though Bruce and Tony have opposite reactions to things sometimes, with Bruce choosing to step back because of his insecurities and being far more hesitant for it, and Tony acting despite them even though it costs him, almost to the point of recklessness - they have a very deep understanding of why they do so, much like Natasha and Tony. Both Tony and Bruce share some very similar insecurities, guilt about hurting people when they’re not careful, and despite it all, they still feel strongly enough about it to fight and help, because that’s more important to them than their insecurities. There’s a lot of camaraderie in that. See that Bruce also goes along with Tony in AoU despite their small problems along the way, and also despite Bruce’s fears about Vision coming out like Ultron: because they both understand what they’re trying to do, they don’t doubt the other’s intentions, and even if Bruce is not willing to push himself as far as Tony does, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t understand why Tony does it.

5. Bucky: The thing about compatibility is just that we don’t always have the same amount of shared screentime for every duo, so it’s a little hard to figure out dynamics like this, since they interact so little and in such a specific situation. Based on what I know about these characters’ personalities, I also have to do some theorizing to figure out some more informative details from the dynamics. What I see from Bucky that would be a stepping stone for a great relationship between them is exactly their very careful approach to determine if someone is trustworthy or not. Bucky is in a bad mental state so he’s very cautious, but very open, to gather information - and when is Tony not that? Both are also staggeringly loyal, but Bucky is not loyal the way Steve is, despite their friendship - Steve is forceful, and Bucky is conceding. And guess what - Tony is also conceding. They share an unfortunate amount of trauma too, which, for better or for worse, really adds a layer of understanding between them, even if their history begins with a bad story, it allows a kind of companionship and feeling of protectiveness and community that only a few things in life do. If they had the opportunity to surpass this bad break and become friends - they would be really great friends. It’s a shame they never got the chance.

6/7. Strange and Steve: I put them in the same place not because they have the same problem, but because their problems are equally impeding - they both are too involved in their own plans to make concessions, and that’s something that causes problems with Tony. Tony concedes most of the time, but he’s incapable of doing it all the time, nor he should do it all the time. We haven’t seen enough of Strange for me to believe he has trust issues that run as deep as Steve’s do - he seems to suffer from the same brand of assholery and i-work-better-if-i-make-the-call attitude Tony did at first, but if Tony can grow out of it, there’s no reason for me to believe Strange can’t do it too - even though Strange is, by nature, more reserved than Tony. Steve’s problem runs a little deeper. He and Tony share similar ideals, and they’re both as pro-active, which would put Steve above Strange on this list, but at the same time, he has massive trust issues and we’ve already seen what kind of consequences those trust issues can have between them. I would almost say Steve gets over it thanks so some of his attitudes in Endgame, but alas, his ending contradicts a lot of stuff, so as it stands, it’s very ambiguous how exactly they would be capable of a prolonged, peaceful relationship. 

8. Thor: What makes me really upset about Thor sometimes is his lack of availability to be present and open with the rest of the team. Taika was the only one to get it right, I believe, but unfortunately, since Ragnarok only has Bruce around for us to test that theory, it makes it really hard to get a clear idea of what it would be like had Thor been emotionally available for the others too. I feel like they could get along, had the Thor we saw in Ragnarok continued - if that was the case, I would have put Thor all the way up next to Bruce, but seeing as canon cant make up their mind and changed Thor’s attitude and personality again for IW and Endgame, I have no choice but to assume Thor is simply not compatible for the kind of interactions with Tony that others can have, not the way he ended up being cemented as in canon.

9. Clint: Clint is, by far, the least compatible with Tony, from what I can gather from him. Though it seems at moments that they can be amicable (like the party in AoU) Clint is quick to change his opinion in a way that’s very intense, he can jump from complete mistrust to total attachment in a matter of minutes, and that’s not something Tony can handle, because if there’s something that fucks up Tony a lot is trust issues. Clint also seems to be very mistrusting of Tony in particular, and even if it wasn’t, and he would grant Tony the same “courtesy” he grants Wanda for example, to change his opinion and give the people he finds less than pleasant a chance - he doesn’t do it with an expression of genuine and vulnerable regret, as an apology should; either he doesn’t do it, or he doesn’t do it to the person who deserves to hear it, or he does it too late. Clint’s emotional availability is untrustworthy, and at times it almost seems like his loyalty is untrustworthy, so the way it stands in canon, I think there’s no way they could have had a better relationship than the trainwreck they had.

[lady-alayne]

Game of Thrones: An Angry Recap

Season 7 Episode 7: The Dragon and the Wolf

Outside of King's Landing:

As Dany's troops are positioning themselves all around King's Landing, Bronn and Jaime have a deep and meaningful discussion about the construct of masculinity between the conflicting priorities of cocks and what-even-is-the-point-of-not-having-a-cock. Oh, the subtle socio-anthropological nuances of Game of Thrones, more refined each episode.

But back to Dany's troops! The Unsullied, motionless as ever, stand still as an army of Dothraki rides through their ranks making... scary noises? Where did they pick those up? I'm pretty sure the Dothraki were not yodeling like that in season 1. But, whatever, who cares about continuity? Most characters have been replaced by a caricature of themselves this season, so why not make the Dothraki more foreign and more different? Apparently it's supposed to make for some good TV instead of, you know, raising a lot of eyebrows and bordering offensiveness.

The real Team Dany, meanwhile, sails into King's Landing, and we find out that Jon is completely healed! Based on the established timelines, it took him about 10 minutes to heal and put his cothes back on, as this is approximately the time it takes to sail from the North to King's Landing. Makes sense, doesn't it?

Aaaaaaaaaand our sexist joke counter immediately goes DING! as Tyrion mentions the far superior King's Landing brothels. I mean... sure. The best brothel in show!universe was undoubtedly Littlefinger's fine establishment, which is not operating any more, so... someone else must have taken over? And how would Tyrion even know? Has he been to all the brothels? (Okay, he probably has.) Based on the show's characterization, I'd say the best brothels are in Dorne, but... who cares. Maybe D&D are contractually obligated to mention sex all the time. Or they probably just think it's worthy of all the Emmys, which, sadly, seems to be the case. Ugh.

The Dragonpit:

On the way to the dragonpit Missandei, who, if I may remind, IS THE QUEENS MOST TRUSTED ADVISOR, DOES NOT UNDERSTAND WHY IT WOULD BE A SMART MOVE TO CONTAIN A BUNCH OF GROWN UP KILLER DRAGONS. Thankfully, Jorah is there to mansplain how dangerous dragons can be. You know, to the woman who witnessed Dany's dragons torching countless flocks of innocent sheep, and eventually a child, which made Dany LOCK THEM UP. But, oh, what could the Dragonpit possibly be there for??? Tyrion then supermansplains how the last dragons died, because as soon as another male character (except for Jon) has more than 10 seconds screentime, Tyrion must be brought into the mix to remind us all how awesome he is.

Thankfully he is interrupted by Bronn, who came with Brienne and Pod for some reason, who seem to have teleported into King's Landing. Because it's Pod and there seems to be a law, Bronn makes a joke about Pod's magic cock. Sigh. Why won't D&D ever let us forget about that?

After a Brienne/Sandor and Tyrion/Bronn reunion scene, the gang finally makes it into the Dragnpit, which is FUCKING TINY. Even for one fully grown dragon it wouldn't be enough space to spread their wings and fly. But for several??? No wonder the dragons got the blues and stopped growing. Dude.

Finally Team Cersei arrives, and then—CLEGANBOWL GET HYPE!!! Or.... not, as Sandor chooses to walk away. Lame!

Dany shows up 15 minutes late without Starbucks, but on her dragon, which impresses Cersei exactly 0.00. Just as Tyrion is about to instigate a peaceful negotiation, Euron heckles him, leaving Theon... unperturbed??? What happened to your PTSD, Theon? I guess it comes and goes as the plot demands it. Realistic!

Cersei tells Euron to shut the hell up, and Team Dany finally have the chance to explain the threat beyond the wall to the Queen and even have their wight show-and-tell. Jon explains and demonstrates how to defeat them while looking like he's shooting a “How To” youtube video, which seems to convince Cersei, who accept the truce, and scare the shit out of Euron, who jumps up and yells, “SCREW YOU GUYS, I'M GOING HOME.”

By the way. Jon explicitly states that wights CANNOT SWIM. THEN HOW DID THEY GET THE DRAGON OUT OF THE WATER????

In other news, Cersei's truce comes with one condition: That the North does not take up arms against the Lannisters, even after the White Walkers have been defeated. Unfortunately Jon's compromised dick honor prevents him from accepting those terms, and Cersei storms out. Brienne then tries to reason with Jaime by yelling “Fuck loyalty!” WHICH MAKES ABSOUTELY NO SENSE AND GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING BRIENNE STANDS FOR ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Saint Tyrion, who knows he is protected by plot armor, volunteers to talk to Cersei again and manages to sway her mind in about 3 seconds, which seems very plausible. Don't forget, the plot demands it.

Meanwhile we are treated to Jon's cringey attempt at flirting with Dany, who tells her, “You're not like the other girls! You're, like, super special!”

By the way, isn't it insanely warm under those furs? Why is Jon still dressed in his Northern collection?

Cersei reappears to promise her armies. Which makes me wonder... WHAT ARMIES??? Weren't they all torched by Dany on their way back from Highgarden, and the ones she spared bent the knee and are fighting for her now, anyway? What was even the point of this meeting? What armies can Cersei contribute???

An hour later we find out.... None. Because Cersei lied, and she has no intention to join the fight. This does not go over too well with Jaime, who gets into a heated argument with his sister and eventually storms out to ride... somewhere, just as the first snow is falling on King's Landing.

Dragonstone:

Back in their free castle, Team Dany are figuring out how to move the troops Norths. In one of the more obvious WHICH ONE WILL SHE CHOOSE??? moments, Jorah and Jon both suggest different ways for Dany to get there, and to no one's surprise she chooses Jon. Jorah, for real. You're better than this. It's just painful. MOVE ON.

Jon and Theon later have a heart-to-heart in the throne room that LITERALLY STARTS WITH THEON SAYING “YOU ARE ALWAYS GOOD AND SMART AND PERFECT.” Oh my god. Do D&D really think we are THAT STUPID? Do they really think we would not UNDERSTAND how PERFECT Jon is if it is not REPEATED OVER AND OVER??? To “help” with Theon's identity crisis, Jon then tells him he can be both a Greyjoy and a Stark, which... doesn't really help Theon at all, but it's the thought that counts I guess? Inspired by Jon's council, Theon then decides to rescue Yara. The Ironborn are TOTALLY against that, but then Theon beats one of them to death, so they are all for that. Hooray!

Now here's the thing. Theon's arc was amazing. He was a smug little asshole who made all the wrong choices and came to pay for them dearly. Ramsay broke him, in all ways a man can be broken. Theon became Reek. But his empathy with Sansa redeemed him, and Theon fought off his Reek state. And he found that last, tiny bit of strength, and let that fuel him. He was still broken and scared, but he ignored it because, finally, he wanted to do the right thing and help Sansa. That was beautiful.

What is NOT beautiful is having Theon repeat this arc over and over and over. He has spent the last two seasons in a perpetual Theon/Reek/Theon/Reek/Theon hamster wheel, always having the personality that would fit best into the rest of the bullshit D&D are trying to sell us as coherent plot. He's triggered by all the violence and jumps overboard when Euron abducts Yara, but when he faces him again in the dragonpit he cracks jokes about Euron and doesn't give a fuck. A little while later he is broken and remorseful again and regrets his life choices, once again deciding to rescue a damsel in distress to redeem himself, and is “empowered” by killing a man. (I will talk about D&D's idea of “empowerment through violence” in a later post). Not only does this once again underline the misogyny of GoT—women are merely used as props in men's character arcs, which a few exceptions—IT ALSO MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE. What are you??? REEK OR THEON??? Stop yoyoing back and forth, for fuck's sake.

And don't even get me started on the Ironborn. Yara's crew is supposed to be the most loyal crew there is. These men are supposed to go through hell for their captain. But, no, as soon as it gets a bit inconvenient they decide to choose raping and pillaging instead, altought YARA WAS TOTALLY AGAINST THAT. And Theon beats one of them up and THEY IMMEDIATELY CHANGE THEIR MINDS AGAIN??? Honestly, if I was Theon, I would not trust these men AT ALL.

Winterfell:

Petyr Baelish is smart and wonderful. When Sansa gets a letter from Jon that must have read “Hi sis, just fyi, we're Targaryen bannermen now!” he notes that IT IS NOT EASY FOR RAVENS TO FLY IN THESE STORMS, thus proving that 1) he is the only character that somehow makes sense (despite his season 5 jetpack!) and 2) he absolutely has to die now because D&D can't have a character that's smarter than him. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Lord Baelish.

Sansa is understandably not super happy about Jon bending the knee, which makes Littlefinger suggest that she could be Queen in the North instead because IT IS HER BIRTHRIGHT ANYWAY. When Sansa notes that Arya might not be on board with that idea and murder her because of the cult she recently joined, Petyr smartly replies “I never trust godly men.” Which, you have to admit, makes him simply wonderful.

Then Sansa and Petyr discuss how likely it is that Arya wants to murder Sansa. And let's face it, based on everything that went down last episode, it seems pretty likely. Arya did threaten her WITH A DAGGER. And talk about WEARING HER FACE. So........ I REST MY CASE. IT SEEMS PRETTY LIKELY.

But who cares about logic, amirite? In the most foreseeable plot twist in the history of Game of Thrones, it turns out the Stark sister did NOT want to murder each other, but instead teamed up to take down the man whose only function had become to be an evil creeplord, so all the viewers would know that he should definitely be killed.

And once again Game of Thrones chose supposed “shock value” over consistency, logic, and good storytelling. Let me sum this up.

Petyr Baelish STARTED THE WAR OF THE FIVE KINGS because HE IS SUPER SMART. He knows everything about everyone and, more importantly, he knows how to use that knowledge to his advantage. He then used the ensuing chaos to RISE EVEN HIGHER in this world. Along the way he also RESCUED SANSA from King's Landing AND from being pushed through a moon door AND from being slaughtered during the battle of the bastards. Okay, he also sold Sansa to Ramsay, which was... stupid, and I hate D&D for making him do that. But all he did, he did for Sansa. Because he truly and genuinely LOVED HER.

But this poor, poor, unfortunate soul was not “badass” enough for D&D. They did not know what to do with this wonderful, complex character. And, frankly, they didn't care. All they cared about were the fans they were servicing. And the fans wanted to see him dead. So D&D went on tumblr and read the hate posts. And they put him on a mock trial for that. Sansa accused him of many things, things she had no reason to know, and don't tell me that Bran just KNEW THIS. We later see that Bran is not an omniscient superbrain. He merely has the power to see everything he chooses to see. That means Bran must have consciously chosen to watch Petyr Baelish throughout the decades to uncover all his crimes, so his sister could then accuse him of them. Seriously???

But who cares. Not the fans D&D are servicing. The wanted to see Petyr dead, because they, too, did not understand his character. They only see the world as black and white. Petyr was not good, so he had to be evil. And therefor he had to be killed. By three teenagers. Three kids, really. Three kids who are not evil, and therefor they had to be good, their actions reasonable, their violence justified.

This does not explain why Arya was threatening Sansa last week. Was it just a show for Petyr? Then why do it behind closed doors? Or did she actually mean it? Then when did she have a change of heart? It just makes no sense. It makes no fucking sense. 

I mourn the death of one of the last complex, morally ambiguous characters. One of the original players. He set it all in motion. He played the Game like no one else. And he looked smoking hot doing it.

Rest in peace, my Lord Protector. You deserved better than this. And know that you will be avenged. In metas, in fanfictions, in fanart... We will right the wrongs that have been done to you. And you will live on in our hearts, and, for some of us, under our skins. Fly now to your rest, my sweet mockingbird.

***

But the story does not end there for the Winterfell gang. Bran is visited by Sam, and they talk about how Jon is actually... AEGON TARGARYEN????? WHAT?!?!?!?!?! THERE ALREADY IS AN AEGON TARGARYEN??? OR DID D&D DIMISH ELIA'S CHARACTER EVEN FURTHER AND CHOSE TO ONLY GIVE HER ONE CHILD INSTEAD OF TWO??? WHAT IS THE POINT OF ALL THIS?!?!?!?! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By the way... GILLY FOUND OUT THAT RHAEGAR GOT MARRIED TO LYANNA, YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE TOERAG. But Sam takes all the credit. THIS IS NOT OKAY.

And apparently Bran can now see everything from everywhere??? What happened to “You have to warg an animal or look out of a heart tree???” Too inconvenient for D&D?!?!?!?

Somewhere on the Narrow Sea:

Epic Boat Sex(TM) is actually a thing, y'all. I mean, it wasn't epic, more like... sweet. Until we found out Jon's banging his aunt. So... take that as you will.

Beyond the Wall:

JUST BURN THAT MOTHERFUCKING WALL TO THE GROUND AND KILL THEM ALL. I AM SO ROOTING FOR YOU. KILL THEM, BABY. KILL THEM ALL.