#i was too passive to actually say something but jesus christ dude

[noteguk]

bad behavior | jjk | m

This is in the same universe as “bad influence.” It can, however, be read as a stand-alone. 

— summary; in which staying late to volunteer at a self-help meeting was the best decision you made in a while. 

— contents and warnings; smut, the endless adventures of badboy!jk x goodgirl!reader, public sex (in a church…), dirty talk, fingering, degradation (name calling) but also praise, unprotected sex, clothed sex, creampie, cum play, there is a window and also reflections, rough sex, cockwarming, jk being a lil shit because that’s his main personality trait, jk smokes (only mentioned), enemies to fuckbuddies: dawn of the first day 

— words; 8.2k

— author’s note; for the anon that asked how their first time was like ;) join me as we explore the lore of this godforsaken couple 

It was your mother’s idea for you to find a new place to volunteer. According to her, it had been a long time since you experienced “the invigorating energy of community work” — last time was when you were trying to level up your college application — and it could really “soothe your anxious soul” during the trying times of college finals. Apparently one tutoring program and two research projects weren’t enough to distract you, but you could see where she was coming from. 

In the end, you accepted. The old places you used to volunteer in had either shut off their programs or were just too far away from college for you to consider. At first, you decided to follow your mother’s suggestion and tried to work with children — “small miracles”, as she called them — in a local daycare. Which ended up being a terrible idea. 

You liked giving back to the community, you really did, but it wasn’t long until you realized that working with infants hasn’t been your wisest decision, and that children weren’t miracles at all. You got tired of going home covered in paint and with pieces of playdough entangled in your hair, and that was when you weren’t unlucky enough to get hit with other, less clean fluids. 

So you eventually gave up — both on the daycare and on the faint idea of one day going into pediatrics — and searched for a new place. After having to yell your way through retirement homes, and getting fed up with washing people’s sidewalks, you finally settled in a program that was flexible and light enough for your intense college hours: preparing (and then later cleaning up) a room that was reserved in a local church for weekly meetings. 

The entire ordeal took about two to three hours off your day, and more than half of it was spent as free time: waiting for the meeting to end, cramming piles of information in a small room next door. You didn’t really know what the meetings were about since they changed practically every month — they were, at first, a support group for teenage mothers, then it became an AA meeting, then a group for drug users trying to quit. Lately, you were starting to think that the church just gave away the room for whoever had the money to rent it, so it wasn’t a surprise when it was reserved for a motivational speaker to give confidence lessons. 

You had researched the guy, some old dude with an unpronounceable name and a sketchy background, and found exactly the type of person you had expected. Yes, you were in the house of Christ, but you were still being heavily judgmental of the fact that he was giving those talks when he had no qualifications whatsoever, and was probably making bank off all the self-help books he regurgitated at least twice a year to prey on vulnerable people. You did share your worries with the administrative office of the church, but they ultimately fell on deaf ears, and you gave up on the idea of kicking his ass out of the holy grounds anytime soon. 

It was after one of those pseudo-motivational talks that you walked into the empty room, ready to clean everything up before rushing back to your place, where your roommate had promised to greet you with some wonderful takeout. The chairs were still placed in a circle on the center of the room, where they had been since forever, and you made sure to align them perfectly before you moved on to the litter that had been thrown around the place. 

One good thing about those self-help meetings was that they were a lot cleaner than a lot of other attendees, so the “picking up the trash until your back started to hurt” part passed by surprisingly fast. You had just moved on to the snack table, analyzing what you could still save, when your soul almost left your body. 

“Hey, you,” you heard a known voice behind you. “What are you doing in here?”

You swiftly turned around, heart thumping violently against your ribcage. You didn’t know how you hadn’t let out the biggest, most blood-curdling scream ever, but that was just the first of many miracles of the night. “Jesus Christ,” you wheezed out, taking one hand to your chest. “You shouldn’t sneak up on people like this.” You swallowed dry, some part of your brain recalling that he had asked you a question. “And I’m volunteering here.” 

“I didn’t sneak up on you, you’re just jumpy.” Jungkook scoffed, leaning against the doorframe with that stupid playful smirk curling up on his lips. You didn’t know they allowed demons inside the church. “And of course you are.” He rolled his eyes. 

Maybe a few months back, his mocking tone would’ve stung a bit more. However, you had been tutoring Jungkook for about three months then, suffering through endless sessions of his whining and complaining, and you’ve grown used to his passive-aggressive antics already. You learned that Jungkook was a shark seeking for blood, waiting for any crack that would allow him to jump into a perverse little joke — about how you behaved, your priorities, or even the color of your highlighter. You, of course, always stood your ground and threw his comments right back at him — which was his initial plan, as you’ve come to realize. Jungkook enjoyed playfully arguing with you, and you thought that it was another level of strangeness and masochism you simply didn’t have time to dissect. 

Still, Jungkook (shockingly) wasn’t the terrible person you once thought he was. Every once in a while — when he was trying to talk you out of teaching him — the conversations you two would have were actually mostly pleasant, and he wasn’t awful to hang around when he dropped the whole badass persona to act like a real human being. You would even dare to say that Jungkook could be actually funny at times, and not in the bitter, sarcastic way he usually was. Sometimes, you dared to think, he could actually be reasonably nice. And also kind of cute. Even hot. 

But you would never actually admit any of that out loud. Or even to yourself, really. 

“And you?” You asked, turning back around to face the table full of half-eaten food. That looked like a battlefield, and you could already tell that there were only a few survivors left standing. “What are you doing here? Repenting?” 

Jungkook chuckled dryly. “You wish. My parents want me to quit smoking,” he said. You could not see him, but you could hear him walking closer to you as you fumbled with the large Tupperware. “We settled on this crap instead of a forced intervention.” 

You scoffed. Most of the food before you was unsalvageable — some of the cupcakes had been bitten once and then placed back, and you wondered how someone like that could function in society. “You don’t seem very motivated to quit,” you mumbled. 

Jungkook clicked his tongue. “I don’t really care.” 

His voice was much closer to you, and you felt the air leaving your lungs for a pitiful instant. You convinced yourself you had only gotten scared again. “You should care about the growing possibility of lung cancer.” 

He shrugged. “Maybe. But it’s not really on the top of my list of priorities at the moment.” 

“And what is?” You asked. 

“Amongst other things…” he trailed off and, suddenly, he was standing besides you, pointing at the chaotic pile of sweets. “I actually came back to grab another one of those cupcakes. The chocolate ones are great.” 

You didn’t know why, but his comment broke the odd tension that you didn’t even know that was there, clicking you back into your previous mentality — the one that you just wanted to finish cleaning up so you could leave soon. “All yours,” you told him, “grab as many as you want.” 

Jungkook hummed in satisfaction, reaching out to grab one special brown cupcake — an untouched one, thankfully. “I love when you talk dirty.” He almost moaned before shoving the cupcake inside his mouth, taking a huge bite off it. Dramatically, Jungkook rolled his eyes and sighed in delight. “These are fucking great.” 

You chuckled, glancing at his direction. Jungkook was dressed in all black, like he usually was, and you were starting to recognize a newfound admiration towards his constant use of leather jackets. What? He looked good. “I’m glad the self-help sessions are paying off,” you commented, swiftly placing the cupcakes inside the transparent container. 

Jungkook was paying attention to your actions now, like he noticed you were there working for the first time. “What are you doing with the rest?”

“The church will probably donate it, give it to the homeless or something.” You shrugged. “Or they’ll eat it, I don’t know. I just clean up the place and leave.” 

Jungkook laughed at that, taking another monstrous bite from his cupcake and throwing himself on one of the nearby chairs. Your eye twitched a little at the thought that he had ruined your perfect circle, but you’d have to fix that on your way out. “Sounds absurdly boring,” he sang. “And they’re not even paying you.” 

You sighed. “After all the places I’ve volunteered in, boring is a blessing,” you told him. You had just placed five hot dogs in the container, and you were starting to wonder if it would be a good idea to feed people in need with those suspicious sausages. “But, yeah, you probably don’t care about any of that.” 

“You don’t know what I care about,” Jungkook said matter-of-factly. You didn’t know if he was trying to tease you, but his voice came out so soft and monotone that you couldn’t really be mad about it. It was true, after all: you didn’t actually know what he cared about. Sometimes you thought that he could read you better than you could read him. “Want me to stay here with you? This place is probably empty already.”

You could not hold back your laugh at that, turning around so you could look at him. “Are you offering to be my bodyguard? In a church?” 

Jungkook pouted. There was a thin line of chocolate on the side of his lips, which he quickly licked clean. “I’m trying to be nice.”

You giggled, turning back towards the disgusting food. The rest was mostly trash, but you were happy enough with the amount you had managed to find in a good state. “That’s new.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asked. “I’m always nice.”

“Always is a strong word.” You smiled, closing the lid of the Tupperware. You had managed to fill three small containers with the leftovers and, honestly, that was a big victory. “But you can stay or you can leave, I don’t mind. I’m almost done anyways.” 

He frowned. “Is that your answer?” 

You turned around. “What? You want me to beg for your company?” You smiled. “You’re mistaken if you think I’d ever do that.”

“I’m staying.” Jungkook crumpled up the piece of cupcake wrapping and threw it in the trash can besides your body. He watched you for a moment as you started to throw the leftovers away, your back turned to him and a distracted look on your face. When he broke the silence again, you were throwing the last piece of bread in the bin. “Why are you volunteering?” 

“Because I like giving back to the community.” 

Jungkook sneered at your words. “Seriously now. Don’t lie, we’re in a church.” 

“I do, actually,” you stood your ground. There was a vague sound of crickets coming from the half-open window and the low buzzing of the fluorescent lights above you, but, other than that, the city was covered in absolute silence. Perhaps that was why you felt so at peace. “But my mom told me it would be a good thing to keep myself relaxed. You know, take my mind off college stuff.” 

He hummed, and you heard him getting up from the chair. “You always do what your mom tells you?” 

You met his gaze. “Didn’t your parents make you come here?”

He smiled. “Not the point.” 

Before you could hold yourself back, your lips were curling up. Again: Jungkook wasn’t absolutely awful to be around when he actually acted like a human being. “When she says something I agree with, yes,” you told him. “My ego isn’t bruised when it comes to following someone’s idea.” 

He raised his eyebrows. “You’re saying that mine is?”

“I didn’t say that.” You smirked and turned back to the table. You started piling up the used plastic cups, already eyeing all the used plates, forks and knives that you’d have to throw away. The daycare had better eating manners than that. “Thought we were talking about me.” 

“We were,” Jungkook agreed. One of his inked hands moved to the table, and you were about to tell him that he could eat more of the cupcakes when you realized that he had started to reach for the discardable plates, throwing them away. You really didn’t think he’d help you. “Finals are coming up, though, and you care about that shit. Shouldn’t you be using this time to study or something?”

“I study while you’re out here listening to becoming your real self or, I don’t know... waking up the giant within,” you said. “I’m fine, don’t worry about it.” 

He hummed, his nose cringing up at the disgusting remains of food that stuck to the plastic forks. Jungkook seriously didn’t know how you could do that for fun. “You know there are better ways to relax than cleaning up a dusty room, right?” 

“Probably,” you agreed. The cups were already in the trash, alongside with the plates, and there were only a few crumpled up napkins to get rid of before you tasted the sweet nectar of freedom. “But here I am. That’s what I chose for myself.” 

“Literally any other option would’ve been better,” Jungkook pressed on. “Isn’t that obnoxious friend of yours in cheer or something?” 

“Who? Jisoo?” You smiled at him. No one had ever called her obnoxious, but you couldn’t say that the title didn’t fit. Jisoo could be really… intense when it came to standing up for what she believed in. “She is. She invited me to join her already, if that’s what you’re gonna ask, but it’s not really my thing.” 

“It’s a shame,” he mumbled, leaning against the table. It was a beautiful miracle how clean that room had become just by getting rid of the piles of gross food, and you had proudly thrown the last piece of paper inside the trash bin when Jungkook spoke up again. “You’d look really hot in that outfit.” 

You stopped in your tracks, taking a second to digest the claim he had so mindlessly thrown your way. Just like all-things-Jungkook, a pleasant conversation could not last long, so you weren’t even surprised that he managed to ruin that talk with such a fuckboy-esque comment. 

Also like all-things-Jungkook, he managed to awaken a reaction out of you that you didn’t even know could be there. With a faint heat in your cheeks and a frown blossoming amongst your features, you actually felt a little bit of... satisfaction with the fact that he thought that you’d look hot in that skimpy outfit. At the same time, you wanted to slap yourself for falling into his charms so easily. 

In that conflicting turmoil of emotions, all you could say was a monotone, “You cannot be serious right now.”

Even if you kind of wanted him to be serious. 

“I’m being dead serious,” Jungkook didn’t back down, much to the elation of your ego. You felt like a schoolgirl being recognized by her crush, and the idea alone made your stomach curl onto itself. What the hell were you even thinking about? Yeah, Jungkook was pretty hot, but he was also kind of a douche and you didn’t want to get involved with that mess of a person. Or at least that was what you were trying to convince yourself of. “I mean…” he continued, “you’re even rocking this knee-level dress right now, can’t even imagine how you’d look if—“ 

“You can shut up now, Jungkook, thanks,” you interrupted him. Because you didn’t know how to act when he was so blatantly flirting with you, you switched back to the same passive-aggressive behavior that you had given him for the past three months. Call it self-preservation, call it panic, but your mind simply didn’t know where to go from there. “And I’m also done here, so you can skidaddle back to whatever swamp you came out of.” 

“Awn, don’t be mean, princess.” He pouted. Jungkook was a master at getting you worked up, and you had just given that to him on a silver platter. Maybe if you had mock-flirted back, he would’ve baked away. You would never know. “I was just fucking with you, you’re too easy to tease.” 

You pressed your lips together, hip touching the corner of the now empty table. “You were pretty much harassing me,” you said playfully. 

“I was not.” Jungkook smirked, shoving his hands inside the pockets of his pants. When had the two of you gotten so close? There was barely any space between your chests. “But it’s okay, I’m not gonna compliment you anymore, don’t worry. You don’t have to be so defensive.” 

“I’m not being defensive,” you said, defensive. 

“What, is it the church setting?” He raised his eyebrows, taking a look around. “Is it making you uncomfortable?” 

“No,” you answered, crossing your arms before your chest. Jungkook followed the movement and his gaze got stuck on the shape of your breasts for a second too long, making a newfound wave of heat rise up to your cheeks. “Not as much as you’re trying to make me uncomfortable right now.” 

He chuckled. “You do look cute when you’re shy,” Jungkook teased, taking a step towards you, and you took another one back, pretending you were just going to lean against the table. You sat on it in a weird diagonal position, with one leg still on the ground and the other dangling over the edge. Jungkook was so close that, when he spoke again, voice just above a whisper, you could feel his breath on your skin. “If you don’t want me here, just ask me to go and I’ll go.” 

You opened your mouth to respond, but no words came out. The atmosphere was filled with electricity, your body drowning in the warmth of his presence, the sharp seriousness in his dark eyes, and you could not bring yourself to say anything. Did you want him to leave? 

No, you realized in a rush of adrenaline, you didn’t want him to leave at all. 

Jungkook raised one of his eyebrows. “Hm? Nothing?” He smirked, placing himself between your legs. Every nerve of your body was screaming for you to touch him, to just wrap his mouth with yours, and you simply could not respond to any of its commands. “You’re full of surprises.” 

You found your voice at that comment, heart hammering against your chest. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“You’re a smart girl, you can figure it out.” Jungkook placed one strand of your hair behind your ear, his gaze flickering down to your chest. From where he stood, he could see the beautiful mounds of your breasts peeking under the fabric, licking his lips at the sight. “Can I at least say that I like your dress?” 

Jungkook’s palm slithered up your knee before you could even react, moving towards your inner thigh and raising your dress along with it. His touch was electrifying, and you found yourself craving more of it, a sigh caught on your throat at the tenderness of his hot skin. 

“Something tells me that your compliment isn’t so innocent,” you told him, leaning your head back slightly so you could hold his gaze. “Aren’t you gonna complete that and say that I would look better without it?”

Jungkook chuckled. “The idea is compelling, I’ll admit it,” he said, rubbing soft circles on your skin. His other hand slithered around your waist, pulling you closer to him. “But don’t need to take it off to fuck you.” 

Your eyes grew wide at that, brain short-circuiting. You frankly couldn’t believe that was happening — the fact that Jungkook was so shamelessly trying (and honestly succeeding) to initiate sex with you. In a fucking church too, of all places. “What- what did you say?”

“You heard what I said.” His stare didn’t falter. Jungkook was looking at you like he could eat you whole, and you seriously wouldn’t mind if he tried to. You'd deal with the social and psychological implications of that another time. “Just tell me to stop and I’ll do it, princess. No hard feelings, promise.” 

This time, you spoke out and the firmness and certainty in your voice surprised even yourself. “I don’t want you to stop.” 

“No?” His voice sounded like honey, so deep and melodic even through the thick layers of his sarcasm. You had never heard him get so serious, so focused, and the thought that it was all for you was igniting a fire inside your guts. “You wanna get fucked in a church?” 

You bit your lip, blinking up at him. The point was: you wanted Jungkook, of all people, to fuck you. The fact that it was in a church was just the cherry on top, and you didn’t care about it as much as you should — your mom would be weeping blood if she knew what was going on, but you weren’t planning on telling anything to anybody. “And what if I do?” You asked back teasingly. 

Jungkook smiled, knocking the breath right out of you. You could only hope that you didn’t look as horny as you felt, because your pride was still on the line. “Told you that you were full of surprises.” He pushed one of your legs open, making you lose your support on the floor. Now, both of your feet were dangling off the edge, body trapped between his strong arms and thighs on either side of him. “Are you a virgin, baby?”

You shook your head, and your voice reached you a bit later. “No.”

“Naughty,” Jungkook said, leaning in. He stared at you like a lion stalking its prey, his gaze lingering on your parted lips before, at last, he tilted his head to the side, deciding to move towards your neck instead. “But if you have the taste I think you do, you probably had some lame missionary sex with some goodie-two shoes.” 

When he started kissing your neck, you almost forgot to give him a response. You had to bite your lip to suppress a moan, instead producing a low, shaky sigh. “And if I did? What’s the problem with some lame missionary sex?” 

“No need to get mad, I’m on your side here,” Jungkook said, one of his hands navigating up your waist, between the valley of your breasts, before grabbing your boob. That time, you couldn’t hold back the whimper that escaped you. “Did he make you cum?” 

“Sometimes,” you said, slightly flustered. You didn’t think you’d be discussing your sexual history with Jungkook, but, well, there you were. “He was alright.” 

“Only sometimes?” Jungkook chuckled, the vibrations of his deep timbre vibrating through the sensitive skin of your neck, his thumb grazing your nipple. The heat between your legs only grew, your entire body practically begging to feel more of him. “That’s a shame, I could do better.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Don’t start getting cocky.”

“I never stopped being cocky,” he responded without hesitation. Well, he was right. “And I do have a good track record.” 

“Doubt it,” you said, the ghost of a smile lingering on your lips. You knew that you were playing a dangerous game, pressing right at the weak spots of his inflated ego to see how he would react. Perhaps you’d be luckier trying to poke a bear with a short stick. “You wouldn’t know the difference between a real and fake orgasm even if it hit you in the face.” 

Jungkook leaned back and looked at you for an instant. You knew he had caught onto your challenge straight away. He liked it as much as you did, there was no doubt about that. “Let’s see, shall we?” he asked. There was no denying the devilish aura that was all around him now, suffocating you with its tempting heat. “How long do we have?”

“I’m locking up the room tonight,” you said, watching as his eyes sparked with an emotion you could not decipher. “But I wanna get home before ten. Have homework.” 

You could see him fighting against the natural urge to ridicule you for saying something like that at such an odd time, but, at the end, he managed to avoid it. “More than enough time.” Jungkook placed one hand on the back of your neck, gaze darting hungrily toward your lips. “Come here.”

And then his mouth was on yours, and everything else was white noise. Jungkook kissed you much slower than you had anticipated, taking his sweet time caressing your mouth with his; hands exploring the curves of your body and teasing their way underneath your dress. He sighed heavily against your mouth when you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss, his soft tongue poking out and entering your mouth perfectly. Jungkook was a good kisser, you had to admit it, and he got your knees weak sooner than you’d like. 

His body was hot and firm against yours and you could feel the outline of his abs underneath your fingers as you trailed your hands down his torso; his quick heartbeat drumming on your palms. Jungkook’s breathing got heavier as you hooked your fingers on the hem of his pants and tugged him toward you. Instantly you noticed the outline of his hard cock against your inner thigh. 

Then, something switched. Just as you had reached out to touch his hardness, squeezing it lightly underneath your fingers, Jungkook groaned against your mouth and bit down on your lip. You had barely any time to react before he was pulling away from the kiss, gaze darkening. 

“Such a tease,” he mumbled hoarsely, his breath hitting your mouth in soft waves. His hand was hovering over your heat, his middle finger pressing down on your sensitive nub, making you whimper. “You don’t know what you do to me.” 

Jungkook was much quicker than your thoughts and, within a second, the motion of your panties being pushed aside made you fumble closer to him; your hands holding tightly onto his shoulders when he finally decided to touch you. 

“Fuck,” he groaned next to your ear, making your mind go blank for a split second. The teasing motions of his digits brushing your entrance were enough to make you whimper, hips thrusting forward in a failed attempt to make him move further. “Look at this, you’re soaking my fingers. Wanna get fucked that bad?”

But he didn’t let you respond. The sudden intrusion of two fingers inside your pussy made your back arch, nails digging in the leather of his jacket as Jungkook opened you up. “I—” you tried to speak, but it was hard to think when he started pumping his fingers in and out of you. The sounds of your wetness were a filthy symphony filling the quiet atmosphere. “Jungkook, what—” 

“God, that’s so tight,” he groaned, speaking through clenched teeth. His voice was enough to shut you up at the spot, a frail moan dripping from your lips. “Relax, baby, you’re too tense. Let me take care of you, alright?” 

You nodded, eyes drifting shut as he continued to pump his fingers in and out of you. You hated to admit it, but Jungkook was already winning against your ex by a long shot: the way his digits brushed inside you, gradually moving apart to stretch you, got you searching — begging — for more. You were sure you could cum around his fingers and, when he curled them up and they dragged against your sweet spot, the idea became a lot more palpable. 

“Jungkook, you’re taking too long, I’m gonna cum like this,” you complained, chest rising and falling under the waves of your upcoming orgasm. You could feel it building up in your stomach, ready to snap, and you didn’t want it to happen around his fingers. “I wanna feel you.” 

Jungkook breathed out at your needy request, placing a kiss against your jaw. “I’m just getting you ready for my cock, baby,” he said. A loud moan dripped from you when he unceremoniously added a third finger, your legs trembling on either side of his body. “I don’t know if you can take it.”

You scoffed. “Don’t flatter yourself,” you said, only half aware of the fact that your voice sounded more like a whimper than a serious comment. “I can.” 

He smirked wickedly. You really were pushing his buttons. “We’ll see about that,” Jungkook responded. 

Within a second, right as your orgasm was about to wash over you, he removed his fingers from your pussy. The frustrated moan you let out was quickly swollen by him, his mouth rogue against yours and the sweetness of his tongue intoxicating you — probably those stupid cupcakes, you thought. 

“Turn around for me,” he asked. 

You quickly did as he requested, putting your feet on the ground before turning your back to him, hands leaning on the table. Jungkook placed one hand on the curve of your spine, pushing you down until you had your chest against the surface, ass perked up and pussy in full display for him. There was a gush of cold air against your flesh when he pulled up the fabric of your dress and tossed it over your waist, exposing your lower body for him.

The boy hummed at the sight, one of his legs kicking your feet apart so he could position himself in the middle of your thighs. “You’re pretty all around,” Jungkook commented, one of his palms grazing your asscheek before grabbing it. His motion was harsh, needy; earning a whimper from you. “Knew you would be.” 

Through the dense clouds of your desire, there was still some part of you that managed to make fun of that situation. “You spend your free time thinking about my ass?”

“Won’t answer until I have a lawyer present,” he joked. 

You felt his fingers hooking around the fabric of your panties, pushing it further to the side so you had your cunt fully exposed for him to see. The drumming of your heartbeat almost drowned out the low groan he produced at the sight of your flushed heat. 

“Princess, your pussy is dripping so much…” Jungkook trailed off, one of his fingers tracing a line between your lips. He felt the urge to eat you out, to lick you completely clean and make you cum on his tongue, but he decided that would have to wait for a different time. “Is this all for me?” 

“Yeah, all for you,” you said, weak. There was a thundering exasperation building up inside you, motivated from your denied orgasm and from the way that Jungkook was taking his sweet time. 

“Good girl,” he mumbled and your chest was filled with pride. “Can’t wait to fuck it.” 

“Then don’t wait,” you practically begged. “Just rush.”

He removed his finger from your heat. “Shh… be patient,” Jungkook told you and you swore you could practically hear the smile in his voice. You could hear him shuffling behind you, the sound of his zipper opening echoing around that still room. “I’m gonna give you whatever you want.” 

You whined at the abrupt feeling of his warm cock rubbing between your folds, its tip hitting your clit after every languid thrust. “Fuck,” you cried out, shaky. Jungkook wasn’t lying when he said that he was big, his length was so thick that you were starting to get second thoughts whether you could take it or not. Not that you would ever admit it out loud. “Just put it in, Jungkook.” 

But Jungkook was having way more fun just teasing you. “Pussy’s so wet for me.” He breathed out, his hands tightening around your hips. You felt him throb between your folds, and the sensation got you searching for air. “You’re soaking my cock, baby. You want it that much?”

“Y-Yeah.”  

Jungkook hummed, leaning in so he could place a kiss on your shoulder. “I’m gonna fuck you like you deserve to be fucked, princess,” he promised, his length still rubbing between your folds. He was so hard and heavy that your mind was spinning, your lungs drowning in expectation. “Gonna fuck you so well that you’re never going to forget it. Do you want that?”

“Yes,” your voice was a pathetic moan, and you hated your body for betraying you so easily. “Yes, please.” 

After another pec on your shoulder, Jungkook leaned back. “Be loud for me, alright?” He asked. “Can you do that for me?”

You swallowed hard — what were the chances that someone would hear you? You had no idea. “Yeah, whatever you want, just fuck me.”

“Whatever I want? That’s a dangerous thing to say.” He moved around behind you, making you flinch when you felt his cock align with your dripping entrance. The anticipation was driving you insane. “Might have to see if you’re up for it another time.” 

There was an answer somewhere in your mind — you could swear there was — but it was quickly forgotten the second that Jungkook pushed himself inside you. The drag of his cock was a delicious torture, streching you out and filling you up to the brim until you were shaking under his touch, both of you moaning at the sensation. 

“Oh my god.” You breathed out, hands turning into fists on the table. Your cheek was pressed against the polished wood, hot breath creating small white clouds on the surface. 

Jungkook released a shaky sigh when he felt you clenching around him, your body desperately trying to move closer to him. “Fuck, baby,” he hissed, his hands holding onto your hips for dear life. Gradually, he moved himself away from your pussy just so he could slam back inside, marveling on the way you trembled at the feeling, crying out his name in the prettiest of whimpers. “Your pussy is so fucking tight. Squeezing my cock so well.” 

Took you only an instant to realize that you were absolutely addicted to the feeling of his cock inside you, the heavenly push of his hardness in and out of you as he slowly started to set a pace. “Oh my god, I’m—” a pitiful hiccup interrupted you, turning your voice into a sharp cry. “That’s so good, Jungkook.”

Jungkook chuckled behind you, his thrusts starting to pick up speed. Your eyes closed in endless bliss, every part of your brain focused on the sensation of his fat length stretching you up. “Told you I’d be, not my fault you didn’t believe me,” he said, but you could tell that his confidence had started to wear itself thin — he, too, seemed to be much more focused on the way that your bodies met. “Do you touch yourself, princess?”

You almost didn’t know how to answer him, a deep heat rushing up to your cheeks. “W-What?”

“When you’re alone, baby,” he practically hissed. You were bouncing on the table then, your body jerking up and down as he fully pistoned his cock inside your heat. “Do you play with your little pussy?”

“Y-yes,” you stammered, embarrassed. “S-Sometimes.” 

“Show me how you do it,” he requested in-between huffs, lust dripping from every syllable. Jungkook spoke to you like a siren, effortlessly inducting you to comply with everything he wanted. “Come on. Don’t be shy, I wanna see you play with yourself for me.” 

You didn’t even know if what you were feeling was shyness, but there was a veil of hesitation that covered your actions. As your hands moved downwards, one of them clenching around the fabric of your dress and pulling it up while the other trailed over your mound, you felt strangely vulnerable, exposed. At the same time, you wanted to do what he asked you to, wanted him to wash you over with compliments until your mind was going blank. 

So you closed your eyes and focused on the sensation of two of your fingers coating themselves in your wetness, then their pressure on your clit. You whined at the feeling, pleasure exploding in your veins as you started to rub yourself, tracing small circles on your sensitive spot. There was no way you could ever reach that sensation again, the sweet motions of your fingers combining perfectly with the thrusts of his hard, fat cock inside you. You were doomed. 

“That’s it… just like that, baby,” Jungkook whispered, obsessed with the sensation of your walls fluttering around him. You had gotten so tight that he thought he would see heaven at any second now. “Feels good?” 

“Y-Yeah, so good...” you struggled to get out, “feels amazing, Jungkook.” 

“So perfect for me,” his praise shot straight up to your core, making you mewl under him. God, the way that you were tightening around him was going to drive him insane. “You feel so fucking good, I can’t stop fucking you.” 

Jungkook took one of his hands to your neck, using it to guide your body upwards until you had your back pressed against his chest; his hot lips assaulting your neck. The new position made it so much easier for his cock to drill inside you, reaching even deeper and hitting sweet spots you didn’t even know you had. It wasn’t long before you were moaning out, eyes fluttering shut as the pleasure overtook you. 

“Just take a look at that, baby,” his voice broke you out of your hypnotized state.  “Look at you. Such a good slut, just taking everything I’m giving you, touching yourself for my cock… fuck. Could watch you like this forever.” 

You had to take a moment to understand what he was talking about, and then you saw it: the window. It stood silently across the room from you, half open, and the glass combined with the darkness of the night gave a perfect reflection of the two of you. You could see yourself, the mess you had become, as Jungkook pounded in and out of you and your fingers worked on your clit; the darkness of his hungry gaze as he followed the motions of your body against his. 

Even if you cried out at the sight, your body freezed up a little at the thought of someone walking by and seeing that private spectacle. The possibility itself was minimal — the window gave way to the side of the land, where a big, thick fence separated it from the nearby houses; most of the ground covered by large trees and bushes — but it wasn’t zero. You couldn’t even begin to imagine the humiliation that would come from being seen like that. 

He, of course, noticed your change of demeanor right away, and you could see in the faint reflection that he had smirked at that realization. “What is it? Are you worried someone is going to walk by?” Jungkook almost groaned against your ear. His cock continued to pump ferociously in and out of you, and you couldn’t even understand your own thoughts for a moment. “That someone is gonna see you get fucked like a good slut?” 

“It’s not—” a moan cut your sentence short. Not like you knew where you were heading, anyways. 

“No one is gonna see you like this, know why?” Jungkook was grunting, his fingers tightening around your throat. You cried out at the feeling, your cunt clenching around him in a way that got him fucking you even harder. “Cause this is all for me. Just for me.” 

Then he was pushing you back on the table, your chest crashing against the wooden surface and his hands yanking you by the waist. Jungkook was fucking you so hard that your worries left you as soon as they arrived, your mind a turmoil of desires and broken exclamations that didn’t give space to anything else but him. 

“You look fucking gorgeous like this, stuffed with cock,” he marveled at the sight. There was a known wave of pleasure hovering over you, ready to crash at any given moment, and you stopped rubbing yourself just so you could prolong its arrival. “Wanna see you cum for me, make a mess for me, baby.” 

The words left you in a confusing, broken order, “Jungkook, I can’t… too much… can’t...” 

“Shhh, you can,” he was slowly easing you into your orgasm, his cock drilling in and out of your pussy. Jungkook fucked like a machine, fast and precise, and you didn’t think you’d be able to forget that anytime soon. “You told me you could take it, so now you’re gonna take it. Don’t you wanna be good for me?” 

“I- I want to… I’m so close,” you cried out, pressing your forehead against the table. You didn’t know how it hadn’t broken yet, with the way that Jungkook was fucking you so mercilessly hard. “I’m so, so close.”

“Cream my cock, baby, come on,” he urged you on, his member throbbing inside you at the thought. Your legs were so weak that you knew you’d fall facedown on the floor if he wasn’t supporting your weight with his strong arms. “Be a good girl and cream my cock for me.” 

And that was it. That was all that you needed to push yourself over the edge, submerging you in ecstasy and making you squeeze him so deliciously. “J-Jungkook!” You moaned out his name again and again, unsure of how loud you were being, but also not caring as much as you should. Jungkook realized he loved hearing you call his name more than anything else. “Fuck! Oh my god!”

“That’s it, baby,” he moaned back, his thrusts a sloppy, uncoordinated mess. He was hypnotized by the view of your cunt hugging him, your wetness dripping down your thighs as you rode out the last seconds of your orgasm. “Pussy’s so fucking tight, so fucking perfect— gonna cum too.” 

You gasped out at the sensitivity that was starting to spread, every movement shaky as you tried to push yourself against him. “Yes, please.” You looked over your shoulder, meeting his hooded gaze. Jungkook looked like a god, his dark hair sweaty and messy and his lip trapped between his teeth. That image would plague you forever. “Cum inside me, please.” 

He groaned loudly, eyes closing for a second. “Fuck, that’s so fucking hot,” he hissed, chest heaving with anticipation. You knew he was close, everything pointed to that, and all that you wanted was to see him reach his high, using your body like it was just a doll for him to fuck. “Didn’t know you’d want to be filled up with cum, princess.” 

“I’m full of surprises.” You smiled — a pretty, fucked-out smile that got Jungkook grunting like a madman. “I want your cum inside me, Jungkook, please.” 

“Gonna fuck you full of my cum, don’t worry— Shit.” The sounds he was making were heavily: those breathy, high-pitched moans that echoed all around you; broken by deep grunts that had your thighs shaking. Jungkook fucked himself in you like he was meant for it, throwing his head back and closing his eyes as he finally found his orgasm. “Fuck! That’s it, fuck—”

Jungkook called out your name and mixed it with praises and curses when he came, spilling himself inside your pussy. You sighed at the feeling, taking in the blissful sensation of having his hot cum spilling out of you, dripping down your legs as he continued to thrust inside you, milking out his orgasm. 

At last, he started to wince from sensitivity. His body collided against your back, his heavy breathing fanning your neck as he tried to collect himself. “Fuck, baby,” he mumbled, “you’re amazing.” 

“You’re not so terrible yourself.” You could not help the smile that appeared on your lips, nor the way that you melted against the surface of the table, drowning in his heat. 

Still, you couldn’t stay there for much longer: it was already a miracle that no one heard the chaos going on in that room, and you weren’t trying to push your luck for the night. Especially since you had a pile of homework (and possibly — now cold — takeout) waiting for you at home. 

You raised your body, leaning against your elbows. “I have to leave,” you told him, taking one of your hands to lay on top of his tattooed one, trying to ease his grip from your waist. “Now if you could just…” 

“Shhh, shhh,” Jungkook hushed, unrelenting. He was much stronger than you, and your muscles were too weak for you to try and do much, so you eventually gave up. “Stop moving. Let me feel you around me for just a bit more.” 

You frowned. “Why?”

“I like it,” he said simply. His breath was a faint caress against the skin of your neck, and you didn’t have much fight left in you. “We all have our tastes.” 

You rolled your eyes. “You’re so weird.”

“Don’t kinkshame.” Jungkook pouted, then pressed a kiss against your shoulder. “You just begged me to fuck you in a church, remember?” 

“Yeah, I guess I don’t have much place to judge.” You laughed dryly, then looked over your shoulder. “Why is your cock still hard? How long is this gonna take?” 

Jungkook groaned, clearly annoyed. “Shut up and enjoy the moment.” 

~ 

The so-called moment lasted about two more minutes (which was kind of impressive, you thought) before Jungkook softened and slipped out of you. You hated to admit but you kind of liked the feeling of having him still inside you, completing you as his lips danced around your neck; fingers tenderly playing with your hair. You never thought Jungkook would be so gentle after fucking you like that, but you guessed that you weren’t the only one that was full of surprises. 

Jungkook, apparently, also liked to admire his work. After he had slipped out of you, he made you sit back on the table just so he could stare at his own cum dripping out of you, a glimmer of satisfaction in his dark gaze. He had pushed his white release back inside you and smirked up at you, asking, ever so kindly, for you to go home like that, filled with his cum. 

You, of course, promptly accepted it. 

“By the way,” he called when you two had already stepped out of the church, enveloped by the coldness of the night. There was only one solitary light pole illuminating his features, making him look like one of the saints in the chapel — nothing but fake advertisement, in your opinion. “Wanna know how much I got in that immunology test?”

“How much?” You asked. 

“Eighty two.” Jungkook smiled brightly then, and you found yourself joining him. “Never saw a grade so high in my life. And that counts all the times I’ve cheated too.” 

“Seems like the tutoring sessions are paying off.” You crossed your arms before your chest, the hem of your dress swirling around your knees. The night was weirdly peaceful after everything that had taken place. 

“They are.” He nodded. “I’m looking forward to the next one. Helps that my tutor is kind of a hottie too.”

You scoffed. “So I’ve heard.”  

“And, by the way?” 

“Yeah?”

“You would look better without it.” He pointed at your dress, a sly smile already sprouting on his lips. “Hope to see it next time.”

“Good night, Jungkook.” You rolled your eyes, already turning around — yeah, like there would ever be a next time. 

~ 

BAD INFLUENCE COLLECTION

TAGLIST: 

@taehyungieskith​ @fan-ati--c​ @btstrasht​ @crazy4myself​ @sashimi-mochi @ft-multi @kooafraid @dianaaviny @ggukkieland @cryinginmypromdress @kissestothesky

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 325: Deku VS the Outside of U.A. ~Conclusion~

Previously on BnHA: Ochako was all “dear bloodthirsty mob, this kid you see standing before you has fought harder than anyone and put his life on the line to protect you all, so please chill the fuck out, jesus christ. like, putting aside that he’s humanity’s best hope and so it’s very much in your best interests to let him rest and recover someplace safe so that he can keep fighting for us, are y’all seriously going to turn away an injured and exhausted child in front of his sobbing mother?? seriously?? come on now.” I’m paraphrasing here but that’s basically how it went down. Anyway so then the mob was all, “...” and Deku collapsed to his knees in tears, and Gigantic Fox Lady and Kouta ran over to give him a hug but then the chapter ended.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “FINE, YOU CAN HUG HIM”, which, was that so hard?? The U.A. Clown Mob is all “come to think of it, we’ve kind of been taking the heroes for granted this entire time, maybe we should be less passive in the future. anyway so Deku if it’s not too much to ask, can you please save everyone and fix everything.” Deku is all “I sure can, and by the way I forgive you for swarming around all menacingly two minutes ago and trying to deny me basic shelter and stuff.” Ectoplasm is all, “hey Todogang get a load of this. [walks in a circle].” Hawks is all, “that’s literally the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.” Rat Principal is all, “anyway so that’s what your students did today, hope you’re enjoying your new *~*ROBOT LEG*~*, Aizawa.” Aizawa is all “[lots of exposition about Kurogiri and for some reason, Toga, while being all brooding and sexy].” All Might is all “[standing here right outside of U.A. doing absolutely nothing and being foreboding AF]” and that immediately sucked away all of the warm fuzzy feelings from the hugs, goddammit.

each new week has become a waiting game of “when will Deku finally get to take a bath so people will actually be willing to go near him and give him the hugs he deserves.” the stakes have never been so compelling. I’ve almost forgotten about AFO entirely

lmaoooooo

me: for the love of god will someone please give Deku a hug before I die of old age

Mineta: YOU GOT IT!! --

Iida: [SWIFTLY CUTS HIM OFF] NOT YOU

fucking losing it at Mineta’s crying face. he really wanted to hug him. I legit feel bad but this is also the funniest thing I have seen all week, omg

somehow Kouta, who last week was only a hand’s breadth away from touching Deku’s head, is now twenty miles away from him in this new chapter

can I make a Loki reference here. is this recap a good place to insert a joke about someone using a TVA time-rewinding device to fuck with my poor boy Kouta over here. well anyway there it is

AND NOW HE’S BACK ALL OF A SUDDEN OMG

(ETA: since when is he “niichan” omg?? can’t handle this cuteness.)

BUT THEY’RE STILL NOT HUGGING HIM FFFFKFFFFF. WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO. WHO DO I HAVE TO BRIBE AND/OR BLACKMAIL

OH NO KOUTA IS CRYING THAT’S IT I’M DONE FOR

“when I heard that lady I knew that I had to go, but then stop again within inches of actually touching you because you smell like week-old rotten onions.” listen Kouta, I’m not saying I don’t get it, but you all can’t keep doing this to me. it’s the way you guys keep teasing it. like, if you’re gonna hug him, hug him. don’t just stand there with your arms held rigidly out in front of you like a molded action figure

OH MY GOSH BUT HE SAID THE THING

KOUTA SWOOPING IN AT THE LAST MINUTE TO TAKE ALL THE CREDIT FOR FIXING DEKU LIKE THAT ONE KID IN THE GROUP PROJECT WHO DOES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING BUT STILL TAGS HIS NAME ONTO THE REPORT ANYWAY, WHAT A KNAVE

GASP

(  ´͈ ᗨ `͈ )

SHE PICKED HIM UP LIKE A LITTLE BABY OMG?? she just leaned right over and lifted this child like he was a small animal. like a lil baby futon that she was about to hang up to dry. oh my god

-- HEY WHAT

(: well that’s extremely fucked up. though sadly not too surprising given what we just saw these past couple chapters

incidentally, I hope that anyone who was legitimately defending the civilians’ perspective earlier takes note here of how quickly that line of thinking -- “we’re just trying to keep our families safe” and all that-- can lead to straight up bigotry. if you’re willing to deny a child shelter and protection simply because he’s not YOUR child, and because you’ve decided based on Internet rumors (no real-world parallels there, I’m sure) that he might present a threat, it’s really not that much further of a leap to discriminating against entire groups of people simply because you perceive those groups as being dangerous. I’m sure the people who turned Gigantic Fox Lady away also told themselves afterwards that they did it to protect their families. “better safe than sorry.” “she’ll be fine, someone will take her in, but as for us, we can’t afford to take that risk.” people can come up with all kinds of justifications for treating other people as less than human, and the really scary thing about it is how fucking easy it is

one last quick side note, which is that Horikoshi does a great job here of showing how scapegoating works, given that AFO is the one who’s really to blame and who presents the actual threat, and yet Deku is the one who ultimately winds up being the target of the mob’s fear and outrage despite him being as much of a victim as they are. gotta love that irony, which unfortunately plays out far too often in the real world as well.

anyway I’ll get off my soapbox now, sorry about that. let us continue

YES, FINALLY OH MY GOD!!!!

AND THAT’S THE STORY OF HOW GIGANTIC FOX LADY BECAME THE GREATEST HERO. PACK IT ALL UP, WE’RE DONE HERE KIDS

holy shit. the real MVP right there. thanks for getting it done champ

jesus christ I have had it up to here with these people

literally the bar is set so low at this point that I’ll go ahead and take it. helping him because it offers them a tactical advantage is at least one step up from not helping him at all

“WHY NOT SHIKETSU” MOTHERFUCKER I SWEAR TO GOD

-- thank you!!

okay this one guy with the antennae hair is having himself a character development speedrun here

-- okay, but this part?? fucking this part, right here??

can we repeat that again?? the part where this guy acknowledges that the problems of hero society were caused not just by said heroes, but also by said society?? the part where he acknowledges that they treated the heroes like celebrities who were putting on a show for them?? the part where he acknowledges that when push came to shove, the vast majority of those heroes, when faced with a situation that offered no reward, were nonetheless willing to put their lives on the line to protect the very same people who then turned around and blamed them rather than thanking them?? are the civilians of BnHA even allowed to have actual deep thoughts about this stuff. holy shit

bro!!

ANTENNAE HAIR GUY SHOVING KOUTA AND GIGANTIC FOX LADY OUT OF THE WAY TO SLAP HIS NAME ONTO THE END CREDITS AS EXECUTIVE PRODUCER. CONGRATULATIONS SON YOU FIGURED OUT THE CORE PHILOSOPHICAL QUESTION AT THE VERY HEART OF THE MANGA. WAY TO GO BUD

meanwhile, on today’s episode of “one more chapter to go till the big volume cliffhanger, how else can I drag things out let’s see”

it’s a panel. of people’s feet. just a bunch of normal feet. with sneakers and shit

this All Might shirt guy is getting more screentime in this arc than 90% of the class 1-A kids

I guess I’m supposed to feel sorry for this dude now that he’s all “if we let you stay here do you promise to somehow magically fix every single problem that we are now currently facing?” those are some ridiculously exacting standards my dude. come on now

KACCHAN SIGHTING

thank fuck I’m not the only one who’s thoroughly unimpressed by absolutely all of this lol. I feel better now. meanwhile Iida and Kouda and Kiri are ready to run over there and hug them all. you guys are way too forgiving. damn you and your pure hearts

anyway so Deku’s like “yeah, definitely”

(ETA: almost forgot to comment on the “I’m no longer alone” part – he basically corrects the guy and says “sorry, but you’ll need to direct that question towards all of us, not just me, because moving forward we’re a team.” good stuff.)

you know what though, all joking aside... fuck yeah. because perfect victory, right. the strongest guys don’t settle for anything less. so I guess Deku has pretty exacting standards himself

also can you all just take a look at this fucking kid who’s got so much light in his eyes now that I’m gonna need eclipse goggles. hot damn. “you’re welcome” says All Might Shirt Guy as he is frantically interviewed by several local news networks asking him how he daringly managed to save Deku all by himself. “well I guess I’ve just never been the kind of guy who can sit back and let a bunch of rabble-rousers blame a little kid for all of humanity’s problems. someone had to step in and take action, you know?”

oH MY GOD THE SCENE IS FINALLY ENDING

don’t let the door hit you on your way out All Might Shirt Guy

but meanwhile, sudden Tododrama action??

oh shit

there are honestly so many ways in which Ochako’s very moving speech could have wildly backfired that I genuinely have no clue where this is headed lol. how exciting!!

so now Horikoshi is once again stalling for time with random filler panels, but this one is 10x better than the shoes lol omg

(1) was Ectoplasm’s jacket always this oversized. (2) did you guys know that if you go back to chapter 319 you can see that Horikoshi gave us a sneak peak at Enji’s Sad Detective disguise and I in fact made a joke about it in the 319 recap not realizing it was actually the stone cold truth. (3) did Shouto deliberately speed up out of impatience because Hawks was walking so fucking slow and he couldn’t take it any longer. (4) and what, I ask you, is up with these dramatic speedlines. so many mysteries here. what a masterpiece

everyone is acting all shocked about something ahh what’s going on

wait what

what the heck. did they just loop around behind everyone. what was the point of that lol. “anyway, so this is what they look like from the back” well okay, thanks for that Ectoplasm

(ETA: so it seems like they were actually hanging out someplace else away from the crowd this whole time, I guess? here I thought they had more faith in Enji’s disguise. I guess Shouto and Hawks don’t particularly want to attract this crowd’s attention themselves right now either, though.)

I am so fucking confused lmao

speaking of All Might WHERE THE FUCK IS HE lol. but yes, good, OFA brings everyone together, and Hawks is very deeply moved about this out of the blue all of a sudden. you know how it is

aw heck yeah now this is another filler panel I can get behind

Mineta really wants that hug, good lord. I genuinely love this actually. Mineta if you could just stay little and cute and keep crying about how much you love your classmates in a non-gross way for the rest of the series I would be so appreciative. you’re doing great

IIDA IS HOLDING DEKU’S HAND THIS IS NOT A DRILL. ONE TIME WASN’T ENOUGH FOR MY MAN HE’S ADDICTED NOW

what did I tell you. Kiri wants to get all of the mob’s autographs now. Kiri you’re a peach

Shouji having a conversation with another mutant type is a very nice touch! we really need to get to his backstory soon. I feel like that casual remark from GFL earlier was kind of hinting at more to come

is this the first time we’ve ever seen the Yaoyorictionary in action?? never forget that Viz tried to call it the “Yaoyorozu Reference Book” because they hate fun

last but not least, KAMIBAKU IS BACK ON THE MENU, FUCK YEAH. Kaminari trying to spice things up and introduce a little bit of controversy by smacking Kacchan on the back of the head for god knows what. I will be deeply disappointed after this if I can’t find at least one person unironically declaring that KamiBaku is now toxic and abusive

lfkdlWLWK TODODRAMA??

oh my god. Shouto’s face. Enji’s face. the back to “oyaji” again. the blunt, not-taking-no-for-an-answer, “I don’t know how much louder the universe can scream at you that doing things alone is not it, so hopefully you got the point” directness of it. fffdlkslj I’m so ready for this Horikoshi please don’t fuck it up my expectations are so high

HOLY FUCK

I SCROLLED DOWN AND HE WAS ALL “( ❛‿❛)” AND I JUST WASN’T FUCKING EXPECTING THAT OKAY. JESUS CHRIST. GIVE ME A SEC

lol okay moment over and now Enji’s pulling his hat down all dramatically like a world-weary Cowboy

OH MY GOD WERE YOU FACETIMING??

AHHHHHHHHH

(ETA: not to put Iida down or anything, but it’s kind of strange that Aizawa is all “the class rep sure did great” when Ochako is the one that was giving that whole big speech for like twenty minutes just now lol.)

(ETA 2: “thank god Iida stepped in just in the nick of time to keep Mineta from hugging Deku.” sorry Mineta I really do like you lately but it’s still low-hanging fruit lol.)

HE LOOKS SO SAD??! HE LOOKS LIKE HEARTBREAK ITSELF??! I AM BESOUGHT WITH THE URGE TO REACH INTO MY SCREEN AND PULL HIM INTO THE SAFETY OF MY ARMS??? MY GOD, AND I THOUGHT DEKU NEEDED HUGS

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH okay I was gonna just hold down the letter H for a full minute and count it out loud but within about ten seconds I realized I needed to chill lol

-- but then again NO, I DON’T NEED TO CHILL, I HAVE ZERO CHILL, ACTUALLY, BECAUSE IT’S AIZAWA WITH A ROBOT LEG AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

COMPLETE WITH ROBOT TOES FOR THAT EXTRA TOUCH OF AUTHENTICITY!! I LIKE HOW HORIKOSHI PUT ALL THIS EXTRA “!!!” EMPHASIS AROUND IT IN CASE WE COULD SOMEHOW POSSIBLY FAIL TO TAKE NOTICE. “REMEMBER, EVERYONE?” SAYS HORIKOSHI HELPFULLY. “REMEMBER THAT TIME AIZAWA CHOPPED OFF HIS OWN LEG?” oh wow now that you mention it we somehow forgot all about that. like who do you take us for

OH NO NOT THE SAD BOYFRIEND ANGST THAT I WAS SECRETLY LOOKING FORWARD TO WITH GLEE

well at least he’s not M.I.A. or back with the villains again like I thought he might be. still, that’s gotta be brutal to know your friend is in there somewhere, but to not be able to reach him again no matter how hard you try. that’s the kind of angst that pays off in final battles just when you most expect it. such is my hope, at any rate

what’s this now??

trying to decide if this is Horikoshi’s way of saying don’t worry about that, or his way of saying definitely worry about that lol

anyway so Aizawa is out here being all irresponsibly handsome once again. when is someone going to do something about him

here for Sexy Robot Leg Eyepatch Aizawa clenching his fists and making speeches about revenge. pretty sure we’re all here for that

WELL, WELL, WELL

IT’S ABOUT FUCKING TIME

I’M VERY GLAD YOU’RE ALIVE AND SEEMINGLY WELL, THOUGH!

BUT WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK THOUGH, ALL MIGHT

ffff. bracing myself for that cliffhanger next week. you’d better not touch one hair on this man’s head Horikoshi. I’m watching you 

[mayonnaisetoffees]

Mayo's Fic Recs

List of my favourite fics below the cut; this list is a WIP and completely personal taste; a mix of fandom classics and lesser knowns

Please remember to leave comments and kudos for the authors and podficcers!

*shows particular favourites

Fandoms currently included: Spn, Merlin, Les Mis, BatFam

Fics That Changed Me Fundamentally

Loaded March*** by Footloose. Merlin | E | 1.26M(Series)/ 35k (First part) | 188k hits (First part)

The reason SAS Captain Arthur Pendragon can’t keep a communications specialist in Team Excalibur because none of them are good enough. And then Lieutenant Merlin Emrys gets assigned to his squad, and Arthur does everything he can to prove that Merlin isn’t good enough, either. Except he is.

You can read all about my thoughts on Loaded March here, here, and here. Basically this fic series is beautifully written, has absolutely delicious UST, has found family, magic, and high stakes. It’s been part of my life for almost a decade now, I made friends through LM that I still have to this day, and it genuinely changed me as a person. Plus there are 78k of Extras to itch that I Finished Now What scratch. Parts 1-5 have been podficced and you can find them in works inspired by this one in each part.

Down to Agincourt*** by Seperis. Supernatural | E | 1.12M(Series)/ 154k (First part) | 73k hits (First part)

The world’s already over and they’re already dead. All they’re doing now is marking time until the end.

S7!Dean is transported back to the aftermath of where 5x04 The End left off. Much like LM, DtA was one that I avoided for a while. I didn’t think it would be my thing. I’m not usually into End!verse, it sounded so bleak from the summary, and it sounded so long for something I wasn’t sure about. If you’re reading this and nodding along? You are as much a fool as I was. Yes, it’s the end of the world. But it’s not over yet. This is a beautiful journey in what it means to be yourself, how to survive the end of the world, a How-To for Coups, and a study in food as a love language. I only read this fic this year, but like LM, it has genuinely changed me. Map of the World has been podficced.

Supernatural

Let’s start with the current hyperfixation. All of these are at least passively Dean/Cas unless otherwise stated. I've split into ones from my first time around in the SPN fandom and more recent ones because the vibes are actually really different and it took me some time to adjust (Not in a bad way! In a time has passed they have grown as characters way)

Old-School SPN (AKA the Classics my first time around)

Canon-Compliant or Divergent

Home in Motion* by nomdeplume13 M | 232k | 48k hits

Castiel swore he was done with spur of the moment decisions that permanently changed Dean Winchester's life. A year after the angel's most disastrous, his newest may present the largest challenge of dean's life: Fatherhood.

Did someone say kid!fic in canonverse? This is perfect. Canon divergence from the end of S6. Cas saves a baby from a neglectful mother and gives him to Dean to raise. They all move in with Bobby. Great OCs. Bobby considers Cas his son. Listen everything I say here will not be able to begin to encompass how much I love this fic. Just trust me on this one.

Named* by RC_McLachlan M | 95k | 95k hits

Jesus Christ is dead. Somehow, that isn't the worst part of Dean's week.

With a summary like that, need I say more? No but I'm gonna. This is one of the funniest fics I've ever read, but it doesn't take any emotion from the serious moments, if anything it heightens them. There are so many quotes from this I think about all the time. It was written in 2010 and so there's a bit of misogyny/character assassination of Anna in places.

Second Childhood by CloudyJenn (read by exmanhater) G | 16k (1h30) | 10k hits

"Dude, I can't do this whole thing by myself," Dean said with far more desperation leaking into his tone than he liked. It would just be too much to make it through hell and death and Lucifer only to have Castiel bail on him because of a frigging baby.

They beat the Apocalypse (OG-S5) and then Sam gets de-aged by a spell. I've listened to this so many times I know it by heart, it's an ultimate comfort fic to me.

Defy Any and All Expectation* by Tenoko1 (read by Tenoko1) M | 138k (14hrs) | 37k hits

Chuck's newly released books tell of another war between Heaven and Hell. Team Free Will sets out to try to defy prophecy, only to realize there is a lot more at stake and amiss than the not-quite-accurate words of one Prophet of the Lord. Along the way, Dean and Cas' relationship continues to evolve into something neither expected or were prepared for, all of their lives transforming in ways no one could have expected. But with no shortage of cases, monsters, and mayhem, it's going to require the help of new friends and old enemies if they're to have a hope of saving the world one more time. Alternate Season Six.

So this is a re-written version of Tenoko1's The Path We Choose which I don't think is around anymore. By the time I was reading the re-write as each chapter came out, I knew every single line of TPWC and it wasn't all that much shorter. It's such a perfect canon divergence because they are all 100% in-character. If you're into podfic, you already know what an absolute gift 14 hours is, but if you have never tried podfic before, Tenoko1 is a fantastic place to start. Her voice is soothing and energetic and her Cas sometimes comes to mind when I'm reading fic in Misha's place (sorry Misha)

His Fucking Kids 'Verse by 8sword M | 96k(Series)/ 3k (first part) | 26k hits (first part)

Jesus, the school should just have a parking spot labeled, “Reserved for the Novak-Winchesters,” because Dean’s getting sick of having to cruise around the parking lot looking for a spot every time he gets a call from the principal about Emma.

Emma survives and Dean and Cas are raising her and Claire. This fic series will make you laugh, make you cry, and (nowadays) make you wish Emma had survived to be a part of Wayward Sisters.

One Species Too Many by wallmakerrelict E | 22k | 37k hits

While Dean is laid up for a month after breaking his leg on a hunt, Cas decides that it's a perfect time to adopt a litter of kittens. But even though he's gotten better since Purgatory, Cas still isn't quite the same as he was before fixing Sam's head, and being trapped in a cabin with him for weeks on end is making that all the more obvious to Dean. When Sam takes off on a hunt, Dean has to figure out on his own how to navigate his new relationship with Cas while also helping to raise a bunch of fuzzballs that aren't even cute. Not even a little bit. (Well, maybe a little bit.)

Dean breaks his legs, and honey!Cas brings home some kittens to foster. It's achingly sweet and also painful because you know Dean wants to fix Cas but there's nothing to fix. It is tagged for ableism for this.

Tripping* by Hatteress E | 49k | 78k hits

That time the universe decided Dean belonged with Cas and wasn't afraid to pull out the big guns to make it so. Big guns in this case being obsessive fangirls, archangels turned tricksters and overly enthusiastic cupids. Welcome to Dean's life.

Alt!S5 and it is beautiful. Also any fic with Missouri is an automatic win.

Broadway Musical by Grifitings M | 12k | 79k hits

This is the day that marked the Holy and Blessed Union of Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle. The merging of prominent bloodlines is always a grand occurrence, but breeding pedigree hunter families like Winchester and Harvelle is something to be rejoiced. It is also something to be meticulously planned, which thankfully the Host is very good at. Or, the romantic comedy where Dean Winchester and Jo Harvelle are destined to get married, Castiel is given the task of playing matchmaker and fails terribly, the entire Heavenly Host becomes a sitcom audience, God warns against male pregnancy, and Jimmy Novak is incredibly unimpressed with angels in general.

Jimmy deserves a sainthood and frankly I don't even want to hear about crack if it's not on the level of the Host yelling at Cas not to touch the butt.

Classic AUs (AKA AUs from my first time around)

Try Something Tuesday by almaasi E | 48k | 144k hits

Dean Winchester teaches a third-grade class. He's new to this whole ‘bisexual’ thing - but by pure happenstance, he meets Castiel: a particularly dapper male librarian who moonlights as a substitute teacher. Dean's curious and Castiel is willing, so why the hell not? Except, fate never intended it to be one-time-only...

This was one of the first spn fics to really really stay with me and it never really left.

Rock 'n' Roll Queer Bar by ChasingRabbits E | 127k(Series)/ 8k (Part1) | 29k hits (Part1)

Ellen and Jo Harvelle run Harvelle's Roadhouse, a bar that unintentionally becomes a beacon for wayward queer souls. Her employees: Dean, the smartass runaway with a big heart and bigger mouth; Castiel, the college drop-out turned hippie; his (surprisingly heterosexual) trouble-making brother Gabriel; and Charlie, who has been told several times that the back room is not to be used for after-hours Dungeons & Dragons games. But there's a lot of love in this place, and a new family for anyone who may otherwise be without.

This series. If you've ever felt unsure or out of place or anxious or just really felt like no-one understood you, this fic is for you. I first found this series when I was coming to terms with my queerness and I genuinely think it was invaluable. Also I am a sucker for the go for a dinner at Cas's family and end up storming out trope.

Play It All Night Long by janie_tangerine (read by Tenoko1) NC17 | 43k (4hrs)

The rom-com-ish one where Dean hosts a late night radio show, Castiel is a regular listener of his who starts calling one day and ends up calling more often than not and Dean finds himself liking it. This, until one day Castiel calls for not exactly petty reasons (just before Dean's brother Sam is visiting with his girlfriend for spring break) and things get very, very crowdy at his place. He also doesn't know it's just the beginning of it. Also features Gabriel, Chuck, Andy, the Roadhouse crew and a huge amount of music quoted. Especially Bob Dylan.

Again, this podfic has got me through many a night of insomnia. Cas calls in after a particularly shitty day and it all goes from there.

New-School SPN (AKA post-2014)

Canon-Compliant or Divergent

Tall Grass by aeli_kindara E | 57k | 28k hits

“I think we should have a garden,” Cas says. Dean looks up from his beer. He hasn’t had that much to drink, but Cas still has a vague look of unreality about him, a splash of living color that doesn’t fit in the bunker’s echoing stillness. Dean didn’t hear him coming. A lot of the time, Cas is so unobtrusive it feels like Dean has the bunker to himself, with Sam away. Dean shakes his head to clear it. “A — garden?” he repeats.

There is a reason you will see this recced time and time again. It healed parts of me I didn't know needed healing.

So Says the Sword* by komodobits E | 85k | 73k hits

The briefing was simple: ‘Stand guard over the Michael Sword until the battle is ready to commence. Await further instructions.’ Castiel doesn’t mind working security duty; he was briefed shortly after the initial salvation of the Sword from the pit, and again before taking up his position. He knows what to do. However, it’s easy to forget that the green room isn’t real. Time moves differently there, the space ever-changing to make a prison of mountains, cathedrals, salt flats, orchards, and whatever Castiel was led to believe about Heaven’s greatest weapon—Dean Winchester is something entirely unexpected

I saw ssts mentioned in like every single If you're getting back into the fandom READ THIS rec list. For good reason. It's described as "canon-adjacent in that seasons one to three happened exactly the same, but when Dean goes to Hell, he is not raised by Castiel". It's one of the most interesting concepts I've read and it's one of those fics where the writing style will stick with you. Castiel POV in a way you've never read before.

Aching in the Absence of You* by sobsicles E | 95k | 9k hits (in 5 days)

Brittle and battle-worn, Cas looks at him over coffee one morning and says, "I need to go," and Dean instantly knows that he's not coming back. He's not really sure how he knows it, but he does. It settles into the pit of his stomach, curling hot and tight like something he instinctively wants to tear out with his bare hands. He takes a breath, and it gets stuck in his throat, hitching there. It hurts, hurts, hurts when he finally exhales. "Yeah," Dean says, "of course you do," and he nods jerkily as he looks down at his phone. He doesn't say goodbye. He doesn't look up from the screen when Cas gets up and leaves the room. He doesn't finish his coffee, or move for a long time. By nightfall, Cas is gone.

If you don't already know sobsicles, I am delighted to introduce you to the person who will smash you to pieces with a hammer to put you back together Kintsugi-style. This one is post-finale but without 15x18 (it'll make sense as it goes). Cas says he's going to leave again and again Dean doesn't ask him to stay. Full of lines so beautiful they'd make Shakespeare weep, Sobsicles has this way of writing that is so evocative and paints such a clear picture. Fair warning, if you're Dean-coded, this might be A Lot.

dumbassery, denial, doing (the three d's to the destination)** by sobsicles E | 108k | 25k hits

Freedom is just one adjustment after the next. ~~~ Cas hums again. "I think you already have. It's been months since everything settled. All that's left to do is...get used to it, and perhaps—" His voice stalls out, uncharacteristically, and his gaze roams Dean's face with intensity. When he speaks next, his tone is a little raw. "Perhaps what one does with peace is...whatever they want." "What if I don't even know what that is?" Dean grumbles, arching an eyebrow in challenge. "'Cause I know damn well you don't just mean good food and a good bed and time in Baby, not simple wants like that. You mean—ya know, the big things, the wants we didn't get to have before." "Yes," Cas agrees. "If you're not sure, figure it out." "Easier said than done."

Yes, two sobsicles recs back to back. This one I read first and it still holds such a special place in my heart. A sign of a good fic is being able to picture it perfectly. The sign of an amazing fic is that when reading this I was so in Dean's shoes I could feel a pool cue between my hands and Baby behind my back. And I sobbed like a baby in this. It has probably my favourite ending ever. It's genuinely beautiful. If you don't read another on this list, read this one.

Teaching Poetry to Fish by aeli_kindara M | 52k | 14k hits

In which Castiel teaches poetry to fish. Also, himself. Also, eventually, Dean. (A series-long story, diverging slightly from canon after S14.)

The ultimate Cas character study and interwoven with poetry.

So There It Is, I've Said It All by PorcupineGirl (read by Ceewelsh) G | 4k | 13k hits

"Why, do you have something you need to say to me that you don't think I'll like?" I think I'm in love with you. "Yeah. I guess so."

Dean figures out he's in love with Cas then can't stop thinking it. This is genuinely beautiful and if you've ever had trouble actually saying the thing you're thinking, you'll relate to Dean here. I recently did the podfic for this.

you won't find this place alone by amidsizedfrog G | 9.5k |

When Claire said she was dropping out of college to pursue hunting full time, Dean said, “right,” and left the room. Or, the cross-generation conversation about formal education, choosing your own path and figuring out what it looks like to find a family. Or, in other words: "But what I do have is a GED and a give-'em-hell-attitude, and I'll figure it out." - Dean Winchester

This is a beautiful look at education in the hunter world, and I love anything that looks at Dean and Bobby's relationship and this does it perfectly. Also best cameo ever.

Seek to Know You Better by ahurston E | 33k | 23k hits

Dean and Cas, a long stretch of highway, and 36 questions empirically designed to make two people fall in love. As if they weren't already.

This is perfect. It has a lovely slow pace like it has the vibes of an indie film if that makes sense? Like it's two guys going from place to place talking. It was an instant favourite.

Newer AUs (AKA more recent AUs)

And This, Your Living Kiss* by opal_bullets M | 57k | 69k hits

Only a very few people in the world know that the celebrated and reclusive poet Jack Allen is just Kansas mechanic Dean Winchester, a high school dropout with a few bucks to his name. Not that it matters anymore; life has left him so wrung out he never wants to pick up another pen. Until, that is, a string of coincidences leads Dean to auditing a poetry course with one Dr. Castiel Novak. The professor is wildly intelligent, devastatingly handsome...and just so happens to be academia's foremost expert on the poetry of Jack Allen.

When I asked which fics were absolute must-reads for someone who'd been out of the fandom a few years, this was said repeatedly. But what really got me to read it was everyone actually told me more about what it meant to them than just the summary. It's a study in poetry, a study in learning who you are and who you used to be, and a reminder that it's never too late.

The Graveyard Shift* by riseofthefallenone, PurgatoryJar E | 620k | 175k hits

Dean’s favourite coffee shop, The Graveyard Shift, is only open after the sun goes down. Which is perfect for him, because that’s exactly when he craves coffee the most while doing the overnight at the fire hall. The coffee shop’s owner is pretty perfect too, but it’s kind of a bummer that Dean never gets to see Cas during the day. In a world where the supernatural live more or less in peace with the rest of humanity, it’s a little impolite to ask Cas just what he really is - or what his dark past entails.

A fantastic magical realism fic - magical creatures live and work with humans. Gabe and Cas run a coffee shop, Dean is a fireman, and the burn is slow and delicious and the intrigue kept me reading for like a week every single spare minute.

Painted Angels by WinJennster E | 106k | 162k hits

Author Castiel Novak has finally hit the big time, with a book based on his failed college relationship with a brilliant painter. He's put all his pain behind him, but at a book signing, he comes face to face with Dean Winchester for the first time in twelve years, and the reunion doesn't go like Cas hoped. Dean's a broken man, with a lot of scars and secrets, shoulders weighed down by his demons and self loathing. Cas sees a second chance with the man he's never stopped loving, but Dean's moved on, and is about to get married. Sam launches a "brilliant" plan to reunite his brother and his best friend, but Cas is worried it will all blow up in their faces, and he'll go through the agony of losing Dean a second time.

The first part of this I actually saved back when I was first in the fandom but I never got around to reading it (I had a To Read folder of 100+ fics that I absolutely dove into when I got back into spn) and the rest of the series finished in 2016 so I'm counting it in this section not the other. On the one hand, I wish I'd read this when it first came out. It's beautiful and heartbreaking, and so visual. On the other hand, I think I appreciated it a lot more now than I would have seven years ago. The parallel of me coming back to the old fandom that I loved dearly with Cas coming back to see someone and places he loved so much really hit. (Although coming back to the spn fandom was much easier and much less heartbreak!)

Finale Fix-Its (yeah fuck you Dabb that this has to be a whole category)

The Goldenrod Revisions by aethylas M | 66k | 15k hits

A rewrite of Supernatural’s final two episodes, expanded into a five episode arc - in which Chuck needs to be defeated, Castiel deserves to be saved, and the characters in this story get a very different ending.

Script format re-write of 15x19 and 15x20 into a 5-episode finale fix-it. As far as I'm concerned, this and chocolatecakecas's American Pie fanvid are the Supernatural finale.

break the skin (to break the barriers)* by sobsicles M | 30k | 9k hits

The first time she meets him, he's nothing more than an almost-missed appointment. ~~~ Dean is silent for a long, tense moment, then he gruffly says, "It's not for banishing the angels. It's to summon them. So, it doesn't—it's not to get rid of 'em, but to draw 'em in." Mitzi can't help but glance up at him at that. His voice is so heavy with so much unexplained pain, and she doesn't understand why, or what angels have to do with it. She knows religion can impact people. She's very aware that it can get complicated, and that it can be a huge source of pain for someone, but Dean sounds grievously wronged, somehow, as if it's a truly personal thing. She pushes through, focusing back on her job, clearing her throat before murmuring, "Well, I guess we all want angels to visit us sometimes." "Just the one," Dean mumbles. "Your guardian angel?" Mitzi asks. Dean breathes out, "Something like that. As close to one as an angel will ever get."

Therapy through getting tattoos and telling your life story to someone who obviously doesn't think it's real. Outsider!POV not just done well, but done literally the best.

Kingdom Come by ahurston E | 17k | 10k hits

Cas wakes up on the coast of Maine. He makes his way home.

I don't know if this counts as finale fix-it as it's more fuck the finale we're ignoring that. There's just so much love and care in this fic.

The Family Business by chai_lattes M | 16k | 5.5k hits

It's all over. It's been weeks since Chuck's defeat and Cas' return from the Empty. There are no threats on the horizon, no apocalypses to stop, but there's something that keeps the Winchesters from being happy. Something that's maybe always been there. On their way back from a hunt, they find John Winchester, back from the dead.

If you're anything like me, you start rubbing your grubby little hands together at the tag John Winchester's A+ Parenting like yes let's address this! This is one of the best examples of John coming back and how it jars with the life that they have built. Also Claire and Jack getting to share screentime!

Merlin

If I have a forever fandom, it's Merlin. I've always kept one foot in this fandom, and it introduced me to fandom, and most importantly to podfic which kinda had an impact. All Merthur unless stated.

Canon-Verse

Seven Magpies by syllic (read by lunchee) E | 33k (3hr15) | 58k hits

Arthur opened his eyes a minute later to the sight of seven magpies streaking across the top of the clearing, their shapes dark against the white clouds and the muted grey of the sky. He tried to remember what it was that seven magpies meant—he'd had a nurse who had sung the rhyme to him as a child—but couldn't. Arthur wakes up somewhere he doesn't recognise, but where he clearly belongs.

Okay so this is an AU but it's Canon-AU so it's going here. Fantastic role reversal fic that you will be thinking about for weeks.

and from your grace, i fell by TheDragon (read by Ceewelsh) T | 4.6k (41mins) | 13k hits

“Where’s Merlin?” he asks the maid. “Where’s that idiot of a Court Sorcerer?!” “Begging your pardon, Your Majesty. I thought you knew,” the maid replies, not daring to look him in the eyes. “He’s taken ill.” “And he couldn’t be bothered to tell me himself that he would be unable to attend today’s council meeting?” Arthur questions, voice full of acid. “He hasn’t woken since he collapsed two days ago, Sire,” the maidservant says, blissfully unaware that what she’s saying the power to stop Arthur’s heart in its tracks.

When I first read this, it had me completely transfixed. I could not stop reading. It was so raw and so full of emotion. I was then lucky enough to get TheDragon in our exchange, so I did a podfic for it and it's probably the most proud I've been of one.

Modern AU

The Student Prince* by FayJay (read by FayJay) M | 145k (15hrs) | 696k hits

A Modern day Merlin AU set at the University of St Andrews, featuring teetotal kickboxers, secret wizards, magnificent bodyguards of various genders, irate fairies, imprisoned dragons, crumbling gothic architecture, arrogant princes, adorable engineering students, stolen gold, magical doorways, attempted assassination, drunken students, shaving foam fights, embarrassing mornings after, The Hammer Dance, duty, responsibility, friendship and true love...

A classic is a classic for a reason. I'm also pretty sure this introduced me to podfics so like special place in my heart x2. Did you know if you filter AO3 by hits on Merlin, this has 426k more hits than the second result? Now that is a Fandom Classic.

Drastically Redefining Protocol* by rageprufrock (read by lunchee) E | 46k (5hr30) | 269k hits

In which Prince Arthur meets Merlin and all hell promptly breaks loose.

As I always say, if this can happen to me and I still love the fic, nothing is going to change that. Arthur hides from his duties in a cupboard and gets stuck in there with a chainsmoking med student.

Fundamental Imperfections by Starlingthefool (read by bravenclawsome) M | 12k (1hr35) | 123k hits

In which an argument about Dickens leads to a Twitter scandal, broken bones, midnight conversations, and transatlantic longing. (Or, an AU with Arthur and Merlin as moderately famous authors.)

This fic has everything: Charles Dickens, long distance texting, Morgana choking a Sherlock cosplayer with his own scarf. This is the ultimate comfort fic and I compare all fics to this even when they're incomparable. I never read the sequel because it was WIP and I was waiting for it to complete, it hasn't been updated since 2015 and apparently ends on an unhappy note, so if you're going to read the sequel you have been warned.

Les Mis

Modern!AU

Overzealous Oddities by YassHomo e/R, Courf/Cosette/Marius, Comb/Ép | G | 6.4k | 4k hits

Courfeyrac: Remember when I smashed our tv and we laughed about it? Enjolras: No. Courfeyrac: Let me rephrase Courfeyrac: I've smashed our tv, lets laugh about it.

I love me a text fic and this is in my opinion the best one around. Just look at that summary. I have quoted that so many times.

But Paris was a very old city and we were young* by GingerNinjaAbi E/R, Courf/Jehan | M | 99k | 42k hits

Perhaps somewhere in between all the cups of coffee, shots of tequila, sunny March days, terrible lumpy jumpers, love, cigarettes, drunken nights and the desire to change the world they'll all leave Paris with a degree in something. Or not. Grantaire's money is on no. But he's a pessimist who's hopelessly in love, so perhaps his opinion shouldn't count.

The ULTIMATE modern!AU tbh.

Tagged by Salomonderiel E/R, Courf/Jehan | E | 155k | 28k hits

So there's this artist. He could probably be compared to Banksy, but he's a lot more... cynical. He shares rooms with a poet who braids his hair with flowers, in a flat near Covent Garden they rent from a short-tempered shop keeper with a penchant for fans and who'd do anything if you mentioned Poland. Sometimes, the three of them will go and deface public buildings in London whilst completely smashed off their heads. And then there's this, shall we say, 'revolutionary'. He has a band of other revolutionaries, who all meet at this cafe by Borough Market. He shares rooms with his best mate, a philosophy student, spends too much time with a flirty guy who has a thing for poets, goes boxing with a guy in a red vest, wants to punch the wet sop who drools on the blonde waitress and is getting tired of this guy who keep breaking his laptops through sheer dumb luck. Thank god the hypochondriac's there to keep an (slightly too) attentive eye on their stress levels. The revolutionary thinks the graffiti artist's work is a waste of space. The artist thinks the revolutionary's campaigns are a waste of time. And all the while, the poet and the flirt drool over each other in the background...

This is perfect and it's funny and it's beautiful and it rips my heart out multiple times.

Canon

To Be Free by kjack89 (read by Ceewelsh) Gen, Cosette/Marius | T | 3.8k (32mins) | 375 hits

Three blows from a bayonet had transfixed Combeferre’s breast, followed by a fall from the barricade as he rapidly lost first blood and then consciousness. But neither of these, it seemed, was enough to kill him, as much as later he might perhaps wish that they were.

I read this because it was on a list kjack89 did of their favourite fics which don't necessarily have the same hits traffic. It's nothing I would have usually read (canon era, not e/R, MCD) but I am so glad I gave it a go. It's a study on what if Combeferre had survived the barricades too and the guilt. This stayed with me for days afterwards until I eventually messaged kjack89 to get permission to podfic it.

BatFam

Canonish (I don't know differences between canons but these are all they're superheros fics)

Robins United by laceymcbain (read by reena_jenkins) Gen | T | 49k (6h15)/ 19k (2h25) (First part) | 103k hits

Bullets, knives, a three story fall, even a fucking crowbar hadn't managed to keep Jason down permanently, but Dick Grayson (and the rest of his "family") was going to kill him with kindness.

The ultimate batbros series. Also if you haven't heard reena_jenkins' podfics before, you are welcome. Pre-pandemic I took a lot of public transport and reena_jenkins kept me sane.

batcoons by drakefeathers (read by reena_jenkins) Gen | G | 6k (49mins) | 14k hits

Jason and raccoons have a lot in common. (Additionally: his so-called family are much bigger pests than the stray animals hanging around his safehouse.)

This is funny, it's heartwarming, and it's a really good character study.

AU

Here Comes the Sun by batsy_rocks Clark/Bruce | T | 19k | 20k hits

Clark Kent is a kind-hearted reporter working in the big city. Bruce Wayne is a stressed dad of four with no idea of what he's doing. Then they meet.

Bruce Wayne is a Tired Single Dad™. It's genuinely such a sweet fic.

[ghostiewriter]

I had an idea for 39, I can picture them dress shopping for a kook event kie has to go to and shes getting jjs opinion on them

Ahhh I’m sorry this took so long but I hope you like it! Also thank you for saving me having to come up with something totally alone 💀😂

Word Count: 2.3K

Prompt: “What colour do you like better?”

“So, what is this one for again?”

“The annual country club charity gala.”

“I thought that was last month.”

“Yeah, they have multiple galas, dude. Catch up.”

Kiara was appreciative of the life she was given. She understood her privileges, and she as grateful to live in a world where she didn’t have to worry about the food on her plate or the roof over her head or the money in her account. Her parents had worked hard and it paid off. When she met the pogues, her appreciation grew but she also learnt that she didn’t have to be the only one with these privileges. The boys were stubborn though, so most of it was subtle and never made them feel like she was treating them like charity cases. And the boys also appreciated that despite her background, Kie wasn’t like the usual kooks who rubbed their money in your face. She was humble about it. She used her privileges for good whenever she could.

However, it was easy to forget that Kie was a kook sometimes. Even she, herself, forgot sometimes. She was a pogue at heart, through and through. But then she was thrown into the deep-end of the kook lifestyle by her parents and it was always a harsh reminder. The worst ones were the galas—because what else did rich people have to do in their lives other than have countless parties and events they claimed were for charity and the greater good but was just an excuse to dress up and show off? The answer was nothing. They had nothing else better to do.

Kiara despised these events with a passion. She was all up for raising money for charities and supporting the local organisations that could achieve so much with enough funding. In fact, Kie had dragged the boys down with her to help in local beach clean-ups and charity events where they could help support. However, these kook events just sucked the charity out of the galas and left her with a night of dealing with passive aggressive comments and nosey adults who needed to mind their business.

But no matter how hard she tried, she could never get out of them. It seemed like her mother always had the perfect blackmail to use against her, she knew the perfect things to say that trapped Kiara and gave her no choice but to go to these galas. It was how she now found herself in the mainland boutiques, searching for a new dress. Originally, she had planned to drag Sarah with her but the other claimed she was too wrapped up on event planning that she didn’t have enough time. So, Kiara took her next best options: JJ Maybank, the only person who was free to join her on a day trip to the mainland.

However, dress shopping was a little out of JJ’s comfort zone. When Kie said that they were heading to the mainland, he was expecting something a little more exciting or action packed, not following Kie around some small boutique as he carried the dresses she was picking out of the racks and ignoring the judgemental stares he was getting from people far more appropriately dressed than he was. Apparently the rich weren’t huge fans of tanks and khaki short and combat boots. Sucks to be them.

“They really have no life beyond playing dress up, do they?” JJ muttered as he watched Kie pick up two dresses: one silver and one a light pink. She tilted her head, looking them up and down before she slipped them back onto the rack.

“It’s all they are good at.” She retorted with a snort, not giving JJ much warning before she began to head to the other side of the store.

“You know, for someone who is adamant that she hates these things, you sure take them seriously.” He commented, glancing down at the pile of dresses he had been lugging around since they entered the shop around forty minutes ago.

“Unless I want my head bitten off by my mother, I kinda have to.” She said with a shrug as she took out two dresses before turning to him. “What colour do you like better?”

He glanced between them. One was black—long sleeved, low back and the hem was brushing the floor despite the fact she was holding them up. The second one was red, and JJ noted the long slit that was running up the left side of the dress. The image of Kiara in either of them made him clear his throat a little, hoping that his cheeks weren’t noticeably burning up. “You look hotter in red.”

“Charming.” She deadpanned but she placed the red dress in the pile before she continued to move along the racks. Eventually, Kiara decided she had enough options and dragged him to the dressing room.

JJ sat on the small couch across from the dressing room, head leaning against the wall as his fingers tapped aimlessly against his thighs. “Kie, it’s been like two hours. How much longer?” He whined.

“It’s been like two minutes, dumbass.” She retorted from behind the curtain. “Just gimme a sec.”

“How long does it take to put on one dress?” He muttered. “You know, if you need help undressing, I am happy to offer my assistance.”

“I’m gonna pretend you want to keep your balls and didn’t say that.”

“Ooh, mama’s mad.” He could almost imagine the glare she was sending him through the curtain. “All I’m saying is—” But the words were lost the second the curtain opened and he saw Kiara on the other side.

She was wearing the red dress—the one on the top of the pile. JJ didn’t even know where to focus: on the slit that ran up her leg and made them look never-ending, or the way that it clung onto her body so perfectly like it was made for her, or how the crimson colour complimented her skin and made her look absolutely stunning. He was pretty sure some higher power was laughing down at him and the stuttering mess he had become.

“Uh, yeah,” He mumbled, scratching his nose. “You...it…yeah.”

Kiara smiled a little. “Yeah?”

“That one, should definitely wear that one.” He finally got out, gulping a little before he finally looked up at her.

“I still have five more dresses to try one.” She narrowed her eyes at him before she turned back around, closing the curtain behind him.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” He let out a sigh, running his hands over his face. He could barely survive one dress, let alone five more.

The next hour or so seemed to pass excruciatingly slow. JJ was pretty sure he was in hell and this was his torture, having to watch Kie model all these dresses and look jaw-droppingly beautiful and not be able to do anything about it. It was like the universe decided being stuck in the friend-zone wasn’t bad enough.

Eventually, she was done and sent him to wait outside whilst she paid for the dress she chose. He wasn’t sure it was a blessing or not that he didn’t know which one she would wear. Maybe because he knew that he wouldn’t be the only one that would see her in that dress, and unlike himself, maybe they had a chance.

When Kie exited the store, she gave him a grin before she began tugging his hand as they headed towards a store across the street—further away from the dock where he suspected they would be going.

“Did Cinderella remember she needed some glass slippers?” He teased, wiggling his eyebrows.

“No,” She turned to give him a wink. “She just remembered that her Prince Charming needs a suit.” He tried to ignore the butterflies in his stomach as he convinced himself that she was just joking back with him.

You see, JJ was so caught up on the dazed state he felt after seeing Kie in all those dresses that it took him up until he was being shoved into the dressing room that he realised what it all meant. She was taking him to the charity gala. He was her date to the charity gala. And just when JJ assumed the torturing couldn’t get worse.

That was how JJ found himself standing amongst some of the richest people on the island, champagne glass in hand as he and John B tried to ignore the judgemental glares being sent their way. They had been told they would meet their dates at the gala, and now both of them were really regretting that plan.

“I don’t know, dude, she never said she was taking you as a friend. Maybe it does mean something.” John B suggested, sparking a little flame of hope in JJ that he quickly extinguished.

“She also never said that we weren’t going as friends.” He muttered with a shrug, downing the rest of the bubbly liquid with one gulp.

“You both are the most oblivious people, I swear.” John B huffed with a shake of his head. “And that’s coming from me of all people.”

He frowned. “What do you mean?”

“THAT!” John B exclaimed, although after receiving some pointed looks, he quickly lowered his voice. “You just proved my p—holy shit!”

JJ’s head snapped around just in time to see Kiara and Sarah at the top of the stairs, however, the blond couldn’t even bring himself to look at the middle Cameron, his eyes were completely drawn to Kie.

And she was in that fucking red dress.

If JJ was struggling for words when he saw her in the dressing room, he was absolutely rendered speechless now. She looked beautiful—no, better than beautiful. She looked like a goddess. JJ had to pinch himself as she walked down the steps towards him just to make sure he was actually alive and hadn’t just died and went to heaven.

And when she stepped off the final step, she couldn’t help but smirk as she placed a finger under his chin. “Better shut your mouth, you’re catching flies, Jay.”

Oh, he was definitely dead.

JJ wasn’t sure how long had passed but he could barely take his eyes off her, and it seems like the other guests couldn’t either. He hated the jealousy that flared up inside him, mostly because he knew that he had no right to feel this way. But that didn’t stop him.

He tried to be subtle about it: stayed by her side for the whole night, casually had his arm around her in any situation he could, made sure to give slightly pointed looks to anyone that stared a little too long at Kiara. He thought he was being subtle but Kiara noticed. Of course she noticed, she wasn’t blind.

They finally had a moment together when they were on the dance floor, a slow song playing around them as the couples populated the dance floor. They were surrounded by people and yet, they still felt like they were in their own bubble.

“So, how pissed is your mum?” He asked, a small smirk on his lips. However, he noticed her confused glance and quickly continued. “You know, that you brought me and not some kook eye candy.”

“I’d say you offer better eye candy than any of them could.” She commented with a small laugh. “But, surprisingly, she wasn’t too bothered. She expected it.”

His eyebrows furrowed together. “She did?”

“Jay…” She trailed off, her hands around his neck faltering a little as she stopped moving, now just staring at him.

“Have I told you how breath-taking you look?” JJ spoke up, desperate to change the topic of conversation. “I mean, I hate to say I told you so but you do look pretty hot in red—”

“JJ.” She said in a soft but firm voice. “Why do you think I brought you as my date?”

He gulped a little, putting on that usual smile he used whenever he was uncomfortable or hurt. She hated that he was using it with her. “Just thought you wanted to get some revenge on your mum since she dragged you to this thing.” He said with a shrug. “Who better to bring into the kook-fest than good ol’ JJ Maybank, right?”

“You can be really dense sometimes, Maybank.” She muttered, her words contradicting the soft expression on her face.

“What?” His voice barely a whisper. They both stood still in the middle of the dance floor, faces inches away from each other.

“I like you, Jay.” She whispered, smiling at him. “And I invited you because I thought you’d finally catch the hint.”

JJ looked at her, mouth slightly agape as he tried to process what she saying. “Y-You like me? As in, like-like me?”

She laughed a little, nodding her head. “Yeah, I like-like you.”

His grin grew a little. “I like-like you too.”

“Good, because otherwise it would be really awkward if I did this.” She murmured before she took his face in her hands, bringing his lips down to her own.

His hands instantly tightened their hold on her waist, tugging her a little closer. They became wrapped up in one another, neither one bothered by the judgemental looks and disgust from the people around them. In that moment, it was just JJ and Kiara. Just Kiara and JJ.

When they finally pulled away from each other, foreheads pressed against each other and matching grins on their faces, JJ found himself once again believing he was dead and in heaven. “I’ve been waiting so long to do that.”

She hummed. “Me too.”

“And to tell you that your ass looks great in this dress.”

“Always the charmer.”

“Only for you.”

“Your ass looks great too in those pants.”

“I know.”

[dr-gloom]

Some thoughts/analysis on the new episode, because the video itself and people's reactions were bugging me

Disclaimers: I don't hate Patton or Roman, I'm not calling Patton abusive or manipulative, as those terms insinuate knowing what you're doing and I don't think Patton does know how he's coming across

- First I wanna just point out, as a few others have, that Thomas is once again wearing black and white while discussing a grey-area issue. I love the attention to detail

- The recap only really highlights that Thomas admitted to wanting something that contradicted Patton's statement of why he's a good person (or more specifically "perfect", which, as nice and friendly and lovely as that sounds, is a toxic mindset and I like that Thomas touched on that at the end), which is an interesting point to cover honestly, especially since later Thomas challenges Patton to call him a good person

- "Now kiddo, if you're gonna dish out Fs, why don't we make them friendly hugs?" I understand Patton was trying to lighten the mood and joke a little and all that, but he's not letting Thomas just... Be angry/upset. He's trying to control how he feels and steer away from negative emotions, which I thought he learned not to do??

- I love that Patton heard what he was saying and stopped. Good on him. But what he replaced it with is called guilt tripping and that's not much better. "I'm surprised you would say something like that about your friends. I always thought that when it came to your pals, that sort of language would be... Ineffable?" It may sound gentle and sweet, but he's still saying "you can't talk about your friends like that" (and I get it, we all know that's not how Thomas really feels, but again he needs to be allowed to express himself). You can tell from Thomas's face while Patton's talking that the guilt tripping worked, at least for a moment.

- Anyone else notice a little Logan shining through in Thomas's words/actions the first portion of the video?

- "If our goals aligned with his what would that say?" Uhmmm gee lemme think Roman... Maybe that you care about Thomas's mental health and desires???

- I think it's very telling that during the rap Thomas cuts Patton off right before he's about to say something that, judging from the graphics, was going to make him sound heroic and said "I made this choice", while looking very... Upset.

- Okay so when Thomas was all "why didn't I just talk to them???" I felt hella vindicated but the second time I watched I finally heard Roman say "I mean I kinda brought that up before but it got shut down faster than an Antarctic icepop shop". Like... Fuck, they seriously do not appreciate or listen to Roman at all

- Patton brushing them off with "Eh well hindsight is 20/20" pissed me off so much. No empathy whatsoever. Jesus Christ.

- Roman's reaction when Thomas said no to the whole future vision thing made me laugh and no one is talking about it

- But yeah Thomas talking about using foresight has a total Logan Vibe

- Patton's reaction when Thomas says "I made a decision with a blindfold on" is... Interesting...

- Seriously that cat analogy was so specific.....

- One should never base their decisions on "well they've helped me before so I owe them" like. No. Patton, Roman, stop. He should have decided to go because he wanted to, not because he owed it to them or you made him feel like shit

- "Those baby-making Catholics" lmfaooooo

- "You, thinking about giving their wedding a pass all because of a callback that, really, might not work out". That bugged me too, because it can just as easily be argued he gave up his big break for a wedding he barely participated during. If we're being completely logical here (and borrowing from a later concept of how our time is better used), his time would have been better-spent at the callback since he wasn't even mentally present at the wedding

- "Maybe they understand, and maybe they still want you to go to the wedding but feel too guilty to say so. Or, maybe you end up going to the wedding, and they feel guilty seeing you there because they feel like they took a big opportunity away from you". First off, they did (or would have, had the conversation taken place and they insisted he come). Secondly I personally feel like he owed it to them (and yes, I'm aware how that sounds but I can't think of better phrasing) to talk about it with 100% honesty on both sides, because now he's angry that he went to their wedding and they have no idea. Sure, the vid ends with them coming over to catch up, but if it hadn't? That's the kind of shit that festers very easily. I feel like he'd have been more satisfied if he had still decided to go after talking with them. I think Thomas realizes this too when he responds to Roman's question with a very sure, very adamant "No."

- "This was our chance to be there for them when it counted". I know this is me reading into things but it felt like he was saying anything else he may have done for them doesn't matter or isn't good enough

- "Why does their complexion matter" LMFAOOOOOO omg roman

- "... We can all agree that you're a good fellow-" "Can we? All agree on that?" Like fuck, Thomas still isn't sure what Patton thinks of him? That cuts deep. And... Patton still hasn't apologized. He conceeded that he's "been a bit much", which is far from the same thing

- pfffft what the fuck was Roman trying to do???

- "Well that's a relief... I think". Meaning Thomas still isn't fucking sure where Patton stands. I have to admit his dialogue did sound a bit circuitous

- he almost said GameStop lmfao

- why is he fixating so much on frogger

- "At least 16 graphics!" I died laughing

- "By the liquid lipstick of William Shakespeare" wut the fue? Lmao

- "just like you don't have to get him a hotdog" "I feel like you kinda do... Maybe". I know Janus says it later on but he was right when he said peppering in a few "I don't know"s and "maybe"s does not a conversationally-conscious person make. Like, he didn't even add the maybe until Roman reacted negatively to what he was saying

- I'm surprised Logan said it'd be wrong for Thomas to keep his money to himself tbh

- Roman mouthing "behoove". Like, c'mon dude, stop being such a dick to Logan when he's just trying to help

- Logan's so done he's not even trying to hide it. Like you can see the annoyance clear on his little pixelated face

- Also did anyone notice that Logan kept getting cut off so the next time he "spoke" he made them read it aloud so they'd actually fucking listen

- "Yeah! As long as that's not the main reason you're doing it!" Honestly though, most people do good things for their own benefit; tax benefits, That Good Feeling, compliments from others etc. It doesn't diminish the effect of the good act, so who cares?????

- "You shouldn't do a good thing just because it makes you feel good... I-I think." He's trying so hard but he's just not understanding how this works is he. Also it's interesting that he preaches holding to your values and not nitpicking situations yet he's literally doing it right now because last time he just... Needed to counter Janus and couldn't admit he'd had a fair point

- "Deceit said you'd be doing the right thing for a selfish reason if you did it for your own emotional gain". You can tell by his tone he's trying to make Thomas see Deceit as wrong and bad but like literally two seconds later he audibly confirms he feels the same way

"Definitely! Maybe... I think so... What do you think?" Tbh I'm proud of him for asking someone else's opinion, esp cause he's screwing this up so horrendously

- man if Roman being scared to share his opinion after Patton visibly disagrees isn't a huge red flag idk what is

- the world of the video game is called AU I'm screaming

- I'll always be salty that Roman once again shoved a "dark side" into the villain roll without asking

- I don't agree with Patton automatically assuming that just because the hero wants a reward, it means he doesn't care about the people he saves getting it. People can have multiple motives and wanting recognition isn't bad or evil or selfish

- I'm so fucking glad Thomas snapped and asked "am I not allowed to feel good if I do something good" because that's basically what Patton's saying and no one was addressing it. And Patton saying that can't be a valid motive is honestly fucked up

- during the trolley problem the options toggle the most between morality, anxiety, and denial. Idk, it's just interesting

- it's also interesting that Patton views moving the trolley as worse than letting it stay, meaning he thinks small active murder is worse than larger, passive murder. Not bad or good or anything, just interesting

- I hate hate hate that Patton silences Logan when he's the one who asked him to say something, especially since he follows that with "oh you can't really learn good morality from a book hahahaha". Like dude just acknowledge that you don't agree but there are other valid points of view, my god

- also you can tell from the color that Janus totally put that skip button in, meaning Logan really, really wanted to continue but Janus could see it wasn't going to get them where they needed to go

- "stu-ooper dooper unique mustache" lmfaooooo

- Thomas keeps coming back with something along the lines of "I need the answer to X so I can meet your expectations". He even says "I don't understand what I need to change so I can meet your standard". Last time I did a post like this, back when SvS came out, I said Patton has too much sway/control over Thomas, and he still does. Thomas doesn't try nearly as hard to "meet the standards" of his other sides, but in this instance he's desperate to know how he can appease Patton. I don't think that's necessarily a good thing, given that it's likely because he wants Patton to say without hesitation that he's a good person

- Roman thinks he's the problem I wanna cry

- "And I'm an awful driver" I laughed so hard

- "I only mean well when I say that that is the stupidest thing you have ever said" I can't stop laughing XD

- "You're just blowing smoke" seriously someone help me

- Roman's reaction when Thomas says he feels guilty just killed me. They all just acknowledged that Roman is his motivator and Thomas comes out and says his motives make him feel guilty? Ouch

- "Doing nothing is even worse!" Patton honey I'm begging you to please stop talking omg this is going so poorly

- "doing nothing is worse than doing a good thing for the wrong reasons" first off, who's to say what a wrong reason is, and secondly, that's an interesting take from the man who refused to move the trolley 👀

- oooof Thomas's relief when Logan cuts in though

- "Huuuuuhhhh I do need help" fuck, I wanna cry, poor Thomas

- "Logan, like you said this isn't your area of expertise" ITS NOT YOURS EITHER ROMAN OMG

- "Every point you've made in today's discussion has contradicted that sentiment" YES LOGAN JANUS SLAY. Also anyone else notice Patton looking to the others for validation because I Sure Did

- oh man though I thought Logan was finally getting the chance to lay into Patton and take him down a peg and it turned out to be Janus

- "Oh, is it not? Please, correct me if I'm wrong." yeah paTTON CORRECT HIM IF HES WRONG (notice how he doesn't even have an argument to that, all he can say is "you're wrong!")

- honestly the way he goes from 0 to 60 should've tipped us off that that was Janus

- I wanna know if Patton turned into a muscular frog irl

- idk Patton feels like a villain when he's all "Thomas you choose!"

- "What have you done with Logan?!" "Nothing at all and I resent the question" weeeeeelp there goes loceit

- even Janus admits Patton is misleading unintentionally can we all calm down now

- I find it interesting that Thomas willingly stays behind Janus

- "Sure if he's in that kind of situation then of course he should focus on himself. But does he deserve it? I don't know." *Record scratch* excuse me wHAT?????? And like, you can't ignore the obvious symbolism behind that attack missing Janus and hitting Thomas. Thomas is knocked out and Patton just ... Keeps talking? Jesus fucking christ

- and Roman so adamantly attacking Janus has a very pre-AA vibe to it

- "Not that any of you care, but I am unharmed, and I don't want to talk about it." Thomas looks like the only one genuinely concerned when he says this and that hurts

- Janus looks so happy that Logan's backing him I wanna cry my baby aaaaaaa

- SOMEONE FINALLY ACKNOWLEDGED THE CHOICE ROMAN MADE AAAAAAA THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU can we stop acting like Janus is evil now please

- "Well when is it enough?!" ".... Trees?" I'm STILL LAUGHING SOMEONE HELP ME

- I'm so fucking happy Thomas doesn't agree with Roman about trusting Janus

- Roman laughing and saying Janus's name is stupid and Janus's jab about him and Remus just... Gutted me y'all. Thems some hurt boys. And he looks to Thomas and Patton and they just... Can't side with him, cause they know that was hella fucking rude of Roman.

- I genuinely believe that Janus's nod meant Thomas was telling the truth. Based on his facial expression (which was slight but idk I notice more stuff than most people apparently???) He was trying to reassure Roman. And Roman just... Took it the completely wrong way, because he still thinks all Janus does is lie. When Roman says "wow, I can't believe this" you can actually see Janus's smile disappearing, because he realizes Roman took the nod the wrong way

- aaaaand then he immediately goes into attacking Janus. *Sigh*

- "Everything's gonna be okay, kiddo. We love you." "*Scoff* Right." I truly believe the next video is gonna be about Roman, because there's no way in hell they could ignore the obvious hurt and self-deprecation coming off of Roman

- "Janus? Is there a limit to how many times a person can say sorry before you have to admit that they're just bad for you?" Patton was talking about himself. Whether Janus was trying too hard to be witty and missed that or what, his reply hurt Patton, and you can see that Janus realizes his mistake with Patton's reaction. We have to remember that this isn't a side who's used to how the others communicate, though. He doesn't spend time with them outside of the few videos he's shown up in because of how they treat him. It's gonna take him time to get the little things like this and until then there's gonna be a lot of hurt feelings and (hopefully) apologies

- Janus immediately backtracks once he realizes what the real question was and says "... it depends... How many things have they had to apologize for? How frequently do they have to apologize for things? How terrible were the things that they did? One of the biggest factors in my very humble opinion is whether or not they seem to be making an honest effort to do better" this is Janus trying to tell Patton "you aren't bad for Thomas. I see how hard you're trying. It's okay"

- you can totally see Janus realizing why Patton fights him so hard while Patton is explaining how hard shit's gotten as Thomas grows up

- "Janus?" "I'll take care of him" y'all I need the tissues

- Janus trying to lighten the mood with the whole push-someone-down-the-stairs thing just... Made me die laughing. Y'all know he's hella good at April fool's pranks okay? Okay

- "You're not stuck with an evil snake boy, you're just stuck with a snake boy" HES SUCH A DORK I LOVE HIM

- I reacted the exact same way to Thomas saying Janus was right omg

Again, I'm not saying I hate any of the characters, this is just a stream-of-consciousness analysis-and-commentary-type post on the new episode

[turtle-steverogers]

alright babe heres the first 5 I saw: "why are you covered in neon body paint?" "best not to ask" and "I cant breathe, I cant-" and "I cant walk just go on without me" and " ive had a rough day and honestly all I want right now is a drink and someone to cuddle with" and "hey guys im here and im ready to bitch"

hey guys, saph and i were facetiming earlier and she dared me to finally answer this ask she sent in like fall 2018 except i had to use all the prompts and the result is…well, i’m not sure what it is.  but its got criminal race and spot and a cryptic ass albert who makes lava lamps for his niece.  so yah. enjoy!

warnings: its pretty much crack, but there is a brief anxiety attack

ship: platonic race/al/spot

word count: 2490

editing: no

Something a Little Off-Kilter

-

Race was nine years old when his ma grabbed him by the chin, turned his face towards her and told him in all her harsh Italian-mother sternness, “We do not run from people, Antonio.  You have Mancini blood in your veins and Mancini’s do not run!”  And Race, with eyes blurred from tears and nose dripping with blood from the fight he’d just fled, nodded vigorously before trudging miserably to his bathroom to clean up (and cry a little more).

But he’d learned two things that day.  One: what a maiden name was and that his ma’s is Mancini and two: running is for losers who never want to stop running.  And he’d more or less kept up that sentiment, even if it cost him a black eye and some dignity in some circumstances.  Like that one time in eleventh grade when Spencer Reiding called him a fairy and in turn, Race had beat the living shit out of him until his little entourage had shown up and knocked him out cold.  But seriously, ‘fairy’? It’s not 19-fucking-50.

Race supposes, though, that all good sentiments meet their maker at one point or another.  Self-preservation over morals and all that, right? 

“Floor it, Christ, are you flooring it!?”  His grip on the ‘oh shit’ bar is white-knuckled and he can hear himself panting as he twists in his seat for what’s probably the hundredth time.  The blue and red flashing of the cop car that had been following them is nothing but a speck at this point, but Race isn’t really keen on taking any chances right now.  Tonight had been a close fucking call.  

“Yes, I’m flooring it, asshole!” Spot shouts, swerving around a lone subaru that had seemingly appeared out of nowhere on the otherwise empty stretch of desert highway.  Normally, Race would be surprised at the sheer lack of cars that are out, but he supposes 4 am in buttfuck Arizona is not prime time for travels.  

Letting out a little whine, Race turns to face forward again, stealing a quick glance at Spot as he does so.  He can see the faint worry lines on his face, reflected from the miniscule lights of the dash.  They’d opted to leave the headlights off for optimal covertness, but the moonlight over the desert proves to be more than sufficient.  

Spot’s anxious, Race can tell.  He remembers a year ago when the two of them had first met in that dingy bar in Brooklyn.  Spot had been nothing but a stoic mask at that time, only showing faint hints of amusement every now and then.  It had been incredibly disconcerting, especially to Race who wears his heart on his sleeve, to behold such utter passivity, but Race had since learned to read him.  Spending everyday together for twelve months is really the best lesson in a person’s tells, Race has found.  And really, when he spares a second thought to it, their situation and relationship therefore, is a strange one.  Two broke college grads down on their luck and bearing fuck all from their families meeting by chance and somehow finding themselves stuck in a loop of money laundering and identity theft in order to stay above ground.  Maybe not the best solution to their problems, but hey, Race never claimed to be smart with his choices.  And the rush of adrenaline is as much of a drug as the coke they sell on the side.

“God fucking damnit, is he still following us?” Spot says, eyes flitting to the rearview mirror.

“Dude, he caught us balls deep tryna break into a fucking bank.  He ain’t gon’ let us off that easy.” Race says, “Jesus fuck I told you we should stick to the other stuff.  We were making big cash just fine pulling paychecks from easy civvies.”

“Yeah, yeah, you can tell me ‘told you so’ when we get somewhere I can think.” Spot sounds exhausted and on-edge and Race himself is looking forward to this whole ordeal blowing over so they can find a place to ditch this car and grab a new one and maybe crash at some shitty inn no cop would think to look.  Yeah, laying low for a couple of days sounds perfect right now.  They don’t even have to leave the room.  Denny’s orders in, right?

“Oh, I will.” Race says, sighing an internal sigh of relief as the distant lights of a small town come into view.  Thank god.

Spot mumbles something that sounds like, “Fucking finally,” and eases up on the gas, turning abruptly once they enter the city perimeter.  

They’ve gotten good at this: losing tails, but Race still holds his breath as Spot loops around the backroads of the town, looking for a place to dump the car.  It’s a few minutes until Race can see the lights of the cop car reflecting off the drug store they’d passed upon first entrance and he hisses out another curse, jabbing Spot in the arm.

“Stop here,” He says, “If he finds the car, fine, but he sure as hell ain’t finding us in it.”

Spot looks like he wants to fight back, but instead, he surprises Race by pulling to a surprisingly quiet stop by an old auto-shop.  He gestures for Race to get out and swiftly grabs their duffels from the back seat, tossing Race’s to him, both pausing when the cop car cruises in front of the alleyway closest to them.  Inaudibly, they let out synchronous sighs of relief when it continues on. 

They cheat behind the auto-shop and are barely settled into identical crouches when a quiet, “Psst,” captures both of their attention.  Race jumps violently, only barely recovering in time to slap a hand over Spot’s mouth as he begins to shout in surprise.

“Over here,” the voice whispers again.

The two of them turn to look at where the auto-shop’s back door is now open and Race squints as the silhouette of a man comes into view.  He can see the man waving a hand in front of him, beckoning them closer, before exchanging a look with Spot.  A silent conversation passes between them, we’ve made bad choices before, what’s one more? And Spot shrugs a little before hoisting his duffel back onto his shoulder and tiptoeing towards the man.  Race follows behind warily. 

Now that he’s closer, Race can see that the man is about their age- young and a little rugged looking with hair that curls towards his jaw at the nape of his neck.  His face and arms are splattered with- well, Race’s first thought is that it’s blood, but upon further inspection, he sees that it’s paint.  Bright yellow and orange neon paint.

He has a lot of questions.  Like, how the fuck did you notice us lurking behind your building at four am? And, why did you think it was a good idea to interact with two obviously suspicious looking men? But all that comes out is, “why are you covered in neon paint?”

Spot drops his head in a groan and the guy laughs somewhat maniacally, “best not to ask, it’s a long story.  Well, actually it’s not.  You see, it’s my niece’s birthday tomorrow and she really likes lava lamps so I’m hand making a few for her and that includes painting the bases and she’s going through that quirky eight year old phase where everything rainbows and neon is super cool, so I’m making them neon tie-dye,” he says it all in one breath and Race finds himself struggling to keep up, “anyway, the names Albert.  You two look like you need some help.  Wanna come in?”

The whole situation’s fucking weird, but Race and Spot exchange another look, this one holding the quick debate of, what other options do we got? And a moment later, they’re hustling into the dingy auto shop.

The lights are dim on the inside, but it’s a surprisingly cozy set up.  The side dedicated to cars is immaculately organized, with a few hanging from the ceiling and others lined neatly on the ground, propped up on floor jacks where necessary.  On the other side is clearly where Albert lives, with a couple curtains sanctioning off a twin bed and desk, where sure enough, three lava-lamps, varying in color and size, are set on a few sheets of newspaper.  

Spot frowns as Albert locks the door, turning to them with a smile, “I’m assuming the cop car out there’s for you guys?”  When Race and Spot don’t answer, he continues, too lighthearted for the situation, “Yeah, figured.  Feel free to lay low here ‘til the threat’s passed.”

“If the police are clearly after us, aren’t we the threats?” Spot asks, “Wait, no, hold on, aren’t you gonna ask us what we did?  Aren’t you put off at all?”

Albert waves a hand, “Nah, I do this all the time.  Just don’t try to murder me and we’re good.  You look like nice enough people, just a little down on your luck.  I don’t mind you camping out here while ya need.” He sets off towards his desk, seemingly to finish the lava-lamps, “The door across from the supply closet is technically an office, but I stuck a mattress and some blankets there for people like yourselves.  Feel free to crash.  If the bull comes by, I didn’t see anything.”  With that, he’s gone.  Behind the curtain as if he’d never been there.

Race blinks, bemused, and looks at Spot.

“What the fuck did he mean, ‘I do this all the time’?  Who the fuck is this guy?”

Spot shakes his head, looking more lost than Race has ever seen him, “Hell if I know.”

The office-turned-guest-room turns out to be more spacious than Race had anticipated and he and Spot are sitting on the mattress, munching on granola bars that were placed unceremoniously in a bowl by the door, when they hear a knock from outside.  

Race feels a pit of dread form in his gut and he lowers his granola bar, appetite lost.  It’s the cop, it’s gotta be.  Who else would be knocking before dawn?  And oh god, they’d left the car right out front, how much more obvious can they be?

Race glances at Spot, who’s also stopped eating, and hisses, “If he catches us, run.  Go on without me.” 

He means it, but Spot just huffs out a bitter laugh, “As if.  Now shut up.”

They strain their ears, listening as Albert opens the door, feigning sleep they know he hasn’t gotten in his voice, “Officer.  Is there a problem?”

They can’t hear what the cop says, but Albert’s side of the conversation is fairly clear, “Hm? Oh, the paint?  I was working on a project for my niece and must have dozed off before cleaning up.  Anyway, how can I help you?”  There’s a pause, “Two- what? I haven’t heard anything about no bank robbers, that’s terrible! I- oh, that car, that’s…strange, that wasn’t here when I went to sleep.  Sure, you can check around back, but I doubt ya’d find anything.  I’da heard if someone were moving around out there and I didn’t hear nothing last night.  Yes sir, I- oh?  Nah, I’m afraid I can’t letcha search my shop.  Not without a warrant.  Mm, sorry officer.  Yes, I understand the caliber of the situation, but it is my legal right to deny your entrance to my home without substantial reasoning.  Mhm, but see, that’s a hunch.  I don’t see no warrant.  Okay, officer.  Yes. just around back.  Go ahead.  Alright, officer, okay.  Nice chat.  Goodbye.”

The door closes a second later and Race lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.  All at once, the adrenaline of the night hits him.  They’d almost been fucking caught, Christ, what if they’d ended up in jail?  What if they still end up in jail?  He couldn’t survive jail, fuck, he wouldn’t even be able to afford and lawyer and shit-

His body is shaking, vibrating really, and a weight is steadily growing on his chest.  Involuntary tears prick at his eyes and he brings a hand up to the front of his shirt, tugging as if that would release some of the pressure from his lungs.  

“Race?” Spot sounds distant and Race turns to him, knowing he looks panicked, but having no capacity to change that, “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know,” Race says, voice high and pitchy, “I can’t really breathe, I can’t-”

“Shit, hey, it’s okay.  I think you’re having an anxiety attack,” Spot says, sounding uncharacteristically gentle, “I know a lot happened tonight, but we’re okay,” He places a comforting hand on Race’s shoulder, “Just breathe, it’s okay.”

Race nods, closing his eyes and focusing on Spot’s touch, allowing it to ground him.  A few moments later, he’s feeling calmer, if still a little shaken.  

“You alright?” Spot asks, not removing his hand.

“Yeah, I dunno, man,” Race says honestly, “It’s been a rough ass night and all I want right now is something to drink and someone to cuddle with,” his eyes fly open as soon as the words are out of his mouth.  He hadn’t meant to say that.  He’s not sure why he said that.  It’s not even like he and Spot have that sort of relationship, nor is he particularly seeking that out.  But now that it’s out there, Race wouldn’t say no to some good old physical comfort.

Spot seems to sense that and laughs a little as he removes his hand from where he’s still gripping Race to sling his arm around his shoulders.  It’s a little more intimate than they usually are, but friendly and comfortable nonetheless.  Race takes a deep, shaky breath and rests his head back against the wall, leaning into Spot’s side.

“Yeah, it’s been a fucked up night and I think I’m still deciding whether or not it’s real or just some weird fever dream,” Spot says, “Like, who even is that guy?  What the fuck is his deal?”

“Lord even knows,” Race says, “But I think I got my fill of crazy for a while.”

“Yeah, me too.”

They lapse into silence and Race is just starting to drift off when the door to the office opens and Albert pokes his head in, somehow covered in even more paint than before and holding up a bottle of tequila, “hey guys, I’m here and I’m ready to bitch.  The cop is gone now, though I wouldn’t recommend skipping town just yet- better safe than sorry.  Also, bank robbers, huh?  Haven’t had your kind in a while.  You’re a fun type, though the arson that I met last week was pretty spicy.  Anyway, drinks?  I know it’s early for alcohol, but I get the feeling y’all need it.”

Spot doesn’t even try to lower his voice as he says, “Yeah, I don’t think our fill of crazy is over yet.”

-

don’t ask me what that was about, i genuinely don’t know

thanks for reading, chiefs

hmu to be added to my tag

TAG LIST: @getchapapes@we-dont-sell-papes@suddenly-im-respecsable 

@aw-jus-let-em-try @well-the-kids-do-too@spot-conlon-king-of-brooklyn @felix-loves-albert-and-ralbert@technically-whizzy

@andthewoildwillknow@the-newsies-justice-for-zas-blog@localfakeitalian @have-we-got-news-for-you@musical-shitposts@thebroadwayaesthetic

@thomasbeingthomas

@irondad-spiderson-duo

@snakesarenonexistent 

@i-got-no-clue-what-im-doing 

@kpop-kk

@mentallytiredgoat

@yxseminx

@be-more-chill-evan-hansen 

@stopthe-presses

@elmers-half-a-cup

@and-i-lostmy-shoe

@spot-me50-papes

@honeynutpoptarts

@newsies-ensemble

@bennie-badeend 

@auspicioustarantula 

@faithmil 

@hopefully-not-the-ghostbusters

@bxnesof92

@backgroundensemble

@sure-as-a-star

@skybert-daherty 

@eveningpaper

@malex-13

@albert-eats-cookie-cake

@heart-a-n-o-n

@bitching-newsboys

@orollyitsracetrackhiggins

@joshuaburrageenthusiast

@random-superhero-stuff

@awkwardstranger98

@falling-out-trees-101

@modern-race-owns-airpods

@asphodelnerd

@i-dont-do-sadness

@rockyroad236

@sirgrahamcracker

@godhatesjordan

@thats-our-que-boys

@bastille-smedry

@nerdsies

@toss-me-a-pape

@wolfbutterfly42

@revolutioninthesewers

@spot-the-brooklyn-pirate

@aintnosleevesinbrooklyn

@hats-or-badges 

@cassimalfoy

@kingofflushing

@racetrackyeetgins

@yeetwootyeetwoot

@for-the-star-reporter

[lihikainanea]

Request?/idea, since you’re in that headspace: Bill coming home from a shoot to find tiger drinking her feelings away on the couch.

Anonymous said: I'm in my feelings 'cause I'm dealing with some crap & its making me crave angst. Like Bill & Tiger having a drunken night in & lately Tiger's been feeling insecure so she goes to town on the alcohol. It loosens her up & she starts blurting out her insecurities to Bill. Like how she doesn't understand why he wants to be with her, when he could be with supermodels & how she doesn't want to hold him back. Really silly stuff that her brain thinks about sometimes *sighs*

Edit: I got carried awayyyyy.

I feel so called out right now. Listen man, I think usually tiger has her head on straight, except sometimes...maybe if he’s been away for awhile and really the only thing she’s seen of him is the airbrushed and photoshopped pap pictures and professional shots from whatever it is he’s promoting and where--maybe then sometimes it gets hard for her. Bill is just...god, he’s so beautiful you know? Inside and out, and sometimes tiger gets a little self-conscious about it. About why her. To boot, she’s met all of his ex-girlfriends--Bill has dated models, models, actresses, people who are paid large sums of money to be that beautiful on a constant basis.

It scares the hell out of her.

But I think she’s getting better at reeling it in, right. Sometimes it’s hard when he’s away and all she sees are these perfect photos of him impeccably dressed,  but then she remembers that this is the same dude whose eyes cross a second before he sneezes--every time. This is the same dude who gags when he tries to eat spinach. The same dude who whacks his big ass forehead on everything, who seemingly can’t control his limbs in all of their spectacular length. He’s impeccably dressed until she finds out that the shirt he wore cost $8,000 and that watch on his wrist is a cool $200,000 and then she bursts out laughing because Jesus Christ, his entire world is fucking ridiculous.

But maybe these things start to rear their ugly head when she’s had a lot going on. Bill’s been home and tiger’s been around but she’s also been working on a big project. And she levelled with him when she started it--told him straight up she’d be pulling long hours and really running herself a little thin, but this project had huge repercussions for her and if she knocked it out of the park, then the rewards for her and for her job would be incredible. Bill gets it, he knows what that’s like, and he’s not about to punish her if she needs to do this. So instead he just tries to maintain whatever balance he can for her--ensuring that she takes small breaks if it’s feasible, having a good breakfast waiting for her if she has to work on the weekend, making sure that the food she’s eating and snacking on is healthy and nourishing even if she has to vacuum it down in a 45 second time frame and then get back to work. And when she’s nearly in tears from exhaustion and the hustle of it all, he’s always waiting with a warm cuddle and some encouraging words to get her through.

But tiger also kind of...overdoes it. A lot. And has trouble really dealing with things. So maybe towards the end of the project, Bill comes home one night and she’s pretty tipsy on his couch--which is fine. She had a small win at work, she told him, and wanted to celebrate buuuuut whoops her hand slipped and she just kept pouring glasses. Bill doesn’t think much of it, she’s been working so hard. So he gives her a messy smooch, joins her for a drink, then hauls her into the shower with him for some play time before bed.

Tiger has a pretty hard time getting herself out of bed the next day.

And maybe that night or the next night, Bill is prepping dinner when tiger stumbles home--literally stumbles. She had happy hour drinks with a few colleagues on the project after work, but drinks turned into shots and sorry bud, she overdid it. Bill frowns a little--I mean, it’s Tuesday--but lets it go. He gets her changed into his shirt, tries to get her to eat a little something, but she basically falls asleep at the table.

And as the week goes on it kind of just gets worse. Because tiger is stressed out, she’s working herself thin, and when that happens--all kinds of crazy ideas creep into her brain. And maybe it’s triggered by one of her idiot colleagues, who said something to her over drinks. Sometimes about how handsome her date to the Christmas party was, and then another colleague pipes up that yeah that dude is famous--and then it becomes a whole thing. She’s grilled on how she met him, what he’s like, what they’re uh...doing. Like, are they together? No? Oh, that makes sense. Hey didn’t he date a lingerie model last year?

And then the pictures are pulled up. Of him and his ex-girlfriends.  Lots of them.

Maybe, to her credit, tiger didn’t realize how much it bothered her. How much she archived that in the torment section of her brain, just to be recalled endlessly for the days after. But come Friday--homegirl is basically a fucking mess. Because she’s realizing everything Bill is doing for her--cooking her good meals, offering up lots of back and tummy rubs and head scritchies, always ready with a bear hug, picking up things for around the apartment she always forgets, doing her groceries for her, running all kinds of menial errands that seem like nothing but always take her so much time on the weekend. And it’s all just been...a lot. Her colleagues’ words have been on her mind all week, the stress of the project is making her crack, and come Friday she’s just a mess. So maybe Bill insists on a quiet night in--if she wants to get drunk she can do it plunked on his lap on the couch.

And she does. But then it kind of just....explodes. And I’ll bet it happens right as Bill reaches and squeezes her tummy a bit, gives her a few pats there on her soft parts. It’s something he loves to do and something that normally gets her purring but this time it just kind of shuts her down.

“Don’t,” she snaps, and pushes his hand away. He’s a little taken aback by it because she usually loves when he does that.

“Okay,” he acquiesces, “Sorry, kid. You usually like when I do that.”

“Yeah well did your lingerie model girlfriend like it too?” she mutters under her breath.

“What?” his brow furrows in confusion.

“Your lingerie model girlfriend, Bill,” she isn’t yelling, but her tone is definitely escalating, “Remember her, buddy? In all of her perfectly proportionate glory?”

“Tiger, what are you--”

But she’s almost hysterical now, that quickly, and it’s this disastrous mix of exhaustion, stress, anxiety, self-loathing, anger--god, everything explosive about her is all coming to a head.

“Why, Bill?” she demands, “I guess that’s what everybody wants to know, right? Why me, after her? Why me, after all of them? The actress--the few actresses, actually. The model. The other model. The pro volleyball player.”

She’s staring at him accusingly, hopping up from his lap and pacing the living room. She has her drink in hand, and it’s sloshing messily over the rim of her glass. Bill wants to interrupt her, ask her what the fuck she’s going on about, but in actuality he’s kind of just...stunned into silence.

“Everybody at work is asking me how, asking me why. Why me. With someone like you. Because they didn’t have this, did they?” she lifts her shirt, pokes at the squishy part of her stomach, “They didn’t have boring 9-5 office jobs. They didn’t look like death in the mornings, or hungover, or tired or any of that. They didn’t have 17 different kinds of zit creams in their bathroom, did they? I’ll bet they certainly didn’t have pants they wore only one week a month because they bloated like a puffer fish and nothing else fit. You said it yourself about one of them--god the fuck was her name?”

She stops her rant, finishes half of her glass in one gigantic gulp. Bill’s eyes are huge, scared, and he’s motionless on the couch.

“I can’t remember her fucking name,” tiger waves passively, “But golden pussy? Does that ring a bell?”

Tiger drinks the rest of her wine in another giant gulp, and actually throws the glass against the wall. It shatters and Bill winces except now...now he’s mad. They’ve had this conversation before, and he’s not about to have it again. No fucking way. He can handle her moods, he knows he’s a lot to deal with, he gets that she can be a little on edge about it--but this? Hearing her put herself down so much, think she’s unworthy of him? That makes him angry. With her. Because how dare she.

The glass shatters, and tiger continues her tirade--but Bill stands.

“I didn’t see you for fucking months, Bill,” she says, “All because of this girl and what you called the best pussy you’ve ever had. Why don’t you find her again--her and her entire wardrobe of tiny little negligees, and go a few rounds with her instead. She’s more your type, no?”

And she’s just about to lace into him again--and it’s not HIM she’s mad at, she’s just mad at everything and all of what he embodies in her life--but she doesn’t have a chance. Because Bill is in front of her, and in a flash her back is slammed to the wall and her jaw is squeezed in his hand, his knee pinned between her legs.

“Enough,” he growls, “Enough, tiger.”

It breaks her a little bit--just a tad, but enough that he can get through. She swallows the lump in her throat, the one that was making her voice all shrill and shrieky, she sniffles and tries to keep the tears at bay.

“Look at me.”

“No,” she chokes, but he grabs her chin and roughly tilts it up, “Bill, no.”

But it’s too late, he has a hold of her and his eyes--furious and wide--are burning a hole through hers.

“I’m not doing this with you again,” he seethes, “Tiger, if I wanted her--or anyone else--I’d go out and get her.”

Tiger sniffles, chokes a little, but Bill doesn’t move.

“I want to throw you over my knee and spank your ass raw for this kid, and I would if I thought you were in the right mind,” he threatens through gritted teeth, “But you’re clearly insane. Fucking insane.”

“It’s you,” he jostles her chin a little and she whines, “Get it through your thick fucking skull kid, it’s you.”

And then he lets go--pulls away so suddenly that she crumples to the floor. He’s madder than hell--mad that she still thinks this, still thinks so little of him at the same time, mad that she’s drowning everything she’s feeling in alcohol. She knows better. On all accounts, she knows better. So he takes a step back, watches as she just gives at the knees and oozes to the floor. He takes a deep breath, runs his hand through his hair, walks a few steps to the bar cart. He pulls a glass from it, pouring out a thumb of scotch and knocking it back in one go. He takes a steadying breath in--the sound of her soft whimpers are breaking his heart, but god, she needs to learn. Needs to learn that he’s hers, in every single sense. That he couldn’t be with anyone else if he tried. That it’s her--everything, all of it, is hers. He's hers.

He exhales deeply, walks back and crouches in front of her. Then he does the only thing he can think of--he lurches forward and kisses her. Kisses the hell of out of her. Knocks her head back into the wall with the force of it as he grabs her face, settles his knees between her legs. And he doesn’t ease off when he feels her start to pull back, instead just tightening his hold on her and not letting her get away. She’s crying now, full on tears wetting his hands, and he just doesn’t give a shit. She needs to know. Needs to believe. But the more he kisses her, the more he’s kind of melting--she’s had a rough go of it, he knows that. And every time anything gets rough for her, she kind of faults to this belief that he just...doesn’t want her. That he shouldn’t want her. And he tries to understand, to meet her stress and anxiety with compassion--but sometimes, it’s a lot for him too.

He breaks apart from her finally, out of breath. His cheeks are red, his eyes on fire, and she’s just watching him carefully. He sighs, kneeling down further to kiss granny’s locket around her neck, then to lay his lips firmly on hers again.

“It’s you, tiger,” he whispers, “I don’t know what else I can do to make you believe me. But it’s you.”

She sniffles, nods a little.

“I know you’ve had a rough week. I know you’re tired, stressed, anxious,” he continues, “But god help me, I don’t ever want to hear you say any of that shit ever again. Clear?”

She nods lightly, meeting his eyes shyly.

“Swear it,” he says.

“I swear,” she mumbles.

He picks the locket up from her neck, holding it to her lips. She kisses it briefly, and he leans in to do the same after.

“Bill,” she mumbles, “I’m sor--”

He cuts her off with a gentle hand over her mouth.

“Enough for tonight, kid,” he sighs, “Just enough. Let’s go eat.”

[valkerymillenia]

Umbrella Academy

season 2, episode 6

I couldn't resist. More live-blogging of this episode.

My poor Allison...

Oh so that's what Handler wants from Five...

Ahah, Luther and Diego pointing out what Reggie did to Vanya and her reaction is awesome.

"no more number 1 or number 2 bullshit" -yes, Diego, baby, you're growing up! Also, him trying to bond with Luther and Vanya on his own accord is so fucking cute...

Klaus doing yoga 😆

Oh, so confirmed that the cult started by accident.

"you're a narcissist"? Ben, you've been watching him closely for 16 years, you know that's not true, you know the narcissism is just a mask, you know Klaus is actually insanely empathetic and compassionate.

Oh, wait, Ben is only saying this crap because he doesn't want Klaus to disband the cult. I get it now, Ben is the one being selfish here.

Oh, so the girl Ben likes is Jill... Boy is smitten.

Ahahah, Ben freaked out by the yoga poses 😆

Jesus, they really don't give Klaus space to breathe.

"my name is Klaus's and I'm an alcoh--- Ah, sorry, that's the wrong meeting" 🤣🤣🤣

Oh God, this is turning into a Spartacus thing... Oh, it's not.

There they go objectifying him and only hearing what they want to hear... These dudes are almost as bad as the ghosts.

Oh so it DID turn into a Spartacus thing!

Klaus tries to do the right and it always blows up in his face, huh?

Ray's priorities though 😆

Ahahah, Allison and Ray pulling a 'Pretty Women' rodeo drive scene 🤣 love it

That's a beautiful dress, Allison 😊

Wait! She's using her powers without the 'rumor' prefix! 😲 Yes!!!!!!

Oh, Allison is losing control... Is this the cost? Getting lost in the power trip? I mean, we already knew but not too this extent.

Lila, your mom is actually protecting you here. Listen to her.

Handler teasing Lila about Diego really is such a mom thing to do.

"I know you fancy yourself a spiritual guru..." - no, Ben, have you not been paying attention? That's literally what Klaus thinks he's NOT but nobody will listen to him. You're right that he needs help though.

Ok, Klaus is right. Ben keeps contradicting himself about what Klaus should do.

"you sound just like Dad" Oh, shit that's a really mean insult in this family 🥺

Holy crap, was that possession?????

That looks severely uncomfortable.

"I think I was inside of you" -.... No, no, too easy, I'm not going to say it. 🤐

DAVE?

Awww, Klaus doesn't even care about the punch.

Dave likes Dune, huh? Good taste.

Oh, the dog tags.... 😭

"it's an honor to die for my country" -no, honey, not like this

Oh shit, timeline changed, timeline changed! Dave is going to wear early. Oh no, oh no, oh no.

The shaking... Poor Klaus... How hasn't he snapped yet?

Swedes in the sauna, of course.

Strategically placed steam 😆

Ah! The Swedes FINALLY talk!

Ouch! Right for the balls. I'm starting to really like Handler.

"unharm my wiener" 🤣🤣🤣 poor boy

Handler, is this your attempt at protecting your daughter from feelings? It's twisted and evil but almost cute.

What the hell does "lavender" mean? Her perfume or something?

Southland Life?

The elevator scene! They really did all come together, I love it when Five is right.

AHAHAHAHAHAH What's with Luther and the stink jokes this season? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

'Daddy's girl' 😆

"team zero" I actually like that Diego keeps harping on the no numbers thing.

"classic" 😆

"hey pop, how's it hanging?" 🤣

"dead, yes, but I'm here! Klaus! Tell them I'm here!" -yes, please, Klaus, it's so cruel that you keep denying him that... 😣

"what are you writing?" Everybody leaning in and Diego getting all nervous. XD they are so conditioned, poor children.

The punch! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

"no, Vanya, don't!!!" Everyone is so scared of her but yet they are still making an effort to include her and that's so important!!

"oops" -that is not the smile of someone that means that oops, Vanya 😆

Reggie's sarcasm 🙄 I can see where half these siblings got their sass now.

Jesus Christ, Reginald is emotionally tearing Diego apart 😭 as much as Diego claims not to care what their father thinks, he cares, he really cares, they all do. I doesn't matter if you know that your parent is abusive, you will always have that visceral pain response of betrayal when they attack you and you will always in some way crave their approval. It's the terrible power imbalance of parental abuse.

There's the stutter! Poor Diego... Don't cry, baby...😭😭😭

Oh shit, Ben!

Reggie is not impressed. I get a feeling that they might have accidentally convinced him to NOT to adopt them...

"you in the cullotes" 😆 Reggie immediately tagged who the leader is

"I feel so violated" -why are they playing this for laughs?? It's horrible!

"oh, possession is a strong word, I'd like to say 'borrowed you'." -ok, so I get why Ben did that, Klaus pushed him too far and he got desperate. But please, PLEASE tell me Ben understands the seriousness of what he did and doesn't start abusing this ability without Klaus's consent.

ok, a serious thought now: no wonder Klaus did drugs, it was the only thing he could control in his life, the only way he had to take some control back, and this possession thing now only makes that more obvious. He has no control over his body if someone decided to take it, no control over the powers that make him see the dead everywhere, no control over his family life (the fact that Reginald locked in the mausoleum is just the tip of the iceberg in his lack of power), no control of the circumstances that killed the love of his life, no control over the masses that objectify him no matter how much he tries to tell them he isn't their savior and to leave him alone, he just has no control and nobody seems to get that, that's why him falling off the wagon is so serious and should be addressed by the family. Klaus deserves a family that cares about his suffering!!!

Congratulations to Luther for standing up to dad for the first time but Vanya is the only one with her priorities straight and goes straight to comforting Diego. And Diego immediately goes back to his passive-aggressive defense system...

I need more Diego-Vanya bonding in my life.

Poor Klaus... At least hold him properly, Luther.

I get a feeling this Grace is going to end up dying and I really don't want that to happen...

"technically I'm older than you right now" -no, Five, your not, you have no idea how old Reginald really is, he arrived in the US a full grown adult in the beginning of the century, he's inhumanly old (I never understood how he suddenly looked old in 89 when he adopted them considering that in 63 he looks almost as he did when he first arrived in the US so those decades before).

Ah, so that's what the ancient Greek was.

Reggie actually dishing out some wisdom and doing so patiently... Who is this?!

Don't you dare apologize, Five! You have nothing to apologize for!

Geez, Reggie and Five acting like they could be friends in different circumstances is actually surprisingly creepy. It also speaks to how fucked up even Five is about Reggie's abuse, even at almost 60 he's still clinging to the idea that maybe Reginald knows everything and has all the answers, he's still hoping that their suffering was for a reason and that Reginald might be proud of him. It's sad.

A cat? Are Swedes... Yes, the Swedes are in Elliot's house. Please don't let Elliot die, I like the poor weirdo.

The Swedes were more interesting when they didn't talk. (Still want to know what the glittery stuff they were drinking is).

"they do not abide women like us around here" -there or anywhere else, Sissy, it's 1963, homosexuality is literally illegal and considered a mental illness

Sissy actually makes a very good point.

Ok, this conversation is already veering their relationship into much healthier territory! Good. But now I'm scared for Sissy...

Damn, I hadn't even finished typing that last sentence and my fears were already proven right. Fucking Carl saw them.

Oh please, let Elliot be alive...

Noooooooooooo!

Damn it, I liked Elliot. He was so good to this family... 😩😠😢

"öga för öga"? Seeing as Elliot has something stuck in his eye, I'm going to guess that means 'eye for an eye' or something?

Ok, I googled it, yes, it's 'eye for an eye'.

I LOVE THIS HANDLER DRESS! 🤩

1982, huh? I'm guessing where about to see badass Five? I hope so.

[hunnywrites]

Arcade Dreams: Chapter Sixteen

Summary: There’s a new girl working at the Palace Arcade and Hawkins’ Family Video. Billy can’t stand her, and the feeling is mutual. No matter what everyone else seems to think.

Pairing: Billy Hargrove/OFC

A/N: We’re gonna see good ol’ Brian Jean in this chapter! Here’s a bit of fun fluff because the next chapter is gonna be rough :)

Working at the Hawkins public pool really wasn’t that bad of a job. It was at this awkward point in time between Christmas break and the weather finally becoming warm, so there really weren’t too many people around aside from the occasional swim class. Teddi had been able to take on her own class finally. Every Saturday morning she taught a group of five year olds the basics, albeit not with the same instant success as Billy. 

Her class had ended about half an hour before. A few of the kids were still splashing around in the shallow end while they waited for their parents to pick them up, and Teddi was perched up in the lifeguard’s chair waiting for her shift to come to an end. Then she could swing by her house and change, rent some movies from the video store and head over to Billy’s to help him with Max’s sleepover. All in all a pretty laid back day.

She noticed Brian Jean walking in. She ignored him. He was just there to pick up his brother, and he’d be out of her hair once again. Teddi didn’t feel any real resentment towards Brian. She hadn’t even wanted to go on that date in the first place. If anything she was more annoyed with Cheryl for ditching Billy to screw around with Brian. She didn’t really like Brian though. It was easy to see now that his whole nice guy act was just that: an act. 

Teddi supposed Billy was a bit guilty of the same thing. He’d put on the charm whenever a cute girl was around. But the way Brian did it was a bit more...sinister somehow. Billy wasn’t really as unassuming as Brian was. Or maybe she was just mad that she hadn’t been able to see through it herself. She didn’t know. Billy was more upset than she had been about the whole thing. Once they got back to school Billy was nearly constantly trying to pick at Brian to get on his last nerve.

“I’m supposed to let him fuck with you and get away with it?” he had asked. “It’ll be fine, Ted. He’s a soccer player. I’m not afraid of him.” but it was more than that. Teddi didn’t want to Billy to solve all his (or her) problems with his fists. If he’d gotten in trouble for fighting it would’ve been a lot more than just being sent to detention where he could sneak out and no one would be any the wiser. He’d get suspended. And that would mean Neil finding out. And Teddi was not gonna be responsible for Billy having to deal with Neil over something so pointless. 

Eventually he let it go after she had to actually forbid him from doing anything. Of course not after he keyed Brian’s car while they were in the parking lot after school waiting for Max. While Teddi definitely didn’t approve of it, she had to admit it had been pretty funny. 

Unfortunately Brian still seemed pretty interested in her regardless of her attempts to ignore him. He was honestly starting to make her feel a little uneasy. He was just sitting there on the bleachers looking at her. God, just take your brother and go, freak, she thought. Teddi turned slightly in her seat in an attempt to get rid of the creepy feeling she had. She could maybe call Freddy over and tell him what had happened. He’d definitely kick Brian out. But that seemed so silly. She would just ignore him.

She let out a loud sigh of relief when she saw Katie headed her way. “Happy to see me?” she asked Teddi with a laugh. 

Teddi climbed down from her chair. “You have no idea. I gotta get outta here. I’ll see ya later, Katie!” she threw a wave over her shoulder and nearly bolted for the locker room. She made quick work of changing. She could grab a quick shower at home. Whatever it took to make sure she could get out before Brian could corner her again.

Unfortunately that plan didn’t work out. “Uh, hey Teddi…” Teddi rolled her eyes, but didn’t stop as she walked past Brian. He followed after her. “C’mon, Teddi. Can I just talk to you for a second?” he asked.

“Fuck off, Brian.”

“I’m sorry about the party, okay? I was a dick. Can’t you give me another chance? Maybe we can get together for Valentine’s Day or something.” he offered. 

Teddi stopped and turned towards Brian before she let out a heavy sigh. “Look, I know this might be hard for your tiny brain to process, but I’m not interested. I was never interested. I was just being nice. And you rewarded me by screwing my friend’s date and abandoning me. So, no. I don’t want to do anything for Valentine’s Day. I don’t want anything to do with you at all. So leave. Me. Alone.” 

When Teddi said that Brian was dumb, she meant it. He was clearly incapable of reading very obvious signs. As Teddi turned once again to leave, Brian grabbed her by the arm. “I’m not done talking to you!” He pleaded. 

Teddi wasn’t a violent person. She really wasn’t. She’d told Billy time and time again that violence wasn’t the answer. If anything this was her father’s fault. Brian grabbing her arm with the amount of force that he had sent a jolt of fear through her. It triggered her fight or flight senses immediately. But Brian wasn’t her father. She could fight back. So Teddi whirled around and sent her fist flying upwards towards Brian’s nose with as much force as she could manage. There was a sickeningly satisfying crack. 

Brian let out a yowl and his hands flew up to his nose. “You bitch! You broke my nose!” 

Teddi couldn’t help but let out a laugh. She pressed her lips together and covered her mouth to keep herself quiet. “I told you to leave me alone.” she said with a shrug and a smile. She didn’t care that everyone at the pool had seen. He deserved it. A few of the moms were watching in shock as Brian dabbed at his bloody nose, groaning and moaning to himself. Katie was stifling her laughter up on her chair and Freddy was at a loss of what to do. Teddi took that as her sign to leave. 

She held her composure until she was safely in her van. “Jesus Christ.” she muttered, shaking her fist rapidly to try and get ring of the stinging feeling in her knuckles. The skin was red and irritated and she was sure that it would probably bruise. As bad as she may have felt for hitting Brian, she couldn’t lie and say it hadn’t felt a little nice. It would definitely get him off of her back from now on. 

She just had to hope that she wouldn’t lose her job over it. 

---

“Max, do you have to listen to that shit so loud?” Billy asked, shoving her bedroom door open. Neil and Susan had left about an hour before. Now Max and El were jumping on her bed, hair brushes in hand as they sang along to Total Eclipse of the Heart. He wanted to blow his brains out. 

The pair stopped jumping almost simultaneously and looked at him. “What’s wrong with Bonnie Tyler?” Max asked.

El grinned. “Probably reminds him of Teddi.” she teased, her and Max falling into a fit of laughter.

Billy let out a groan. “Just turn it off. Or I’ll turn it off.” he warned, turning and stomping back down the hall towards the living room. The stereo shut off and the sounds of the two giggling girls quickly following after him filled the house. 

“When’s she coming over anyways?” Max asked. “Did she get the movies? Did she say what she got? Is this like a date or something? We can go hang out in my room if it is.” 

Billy ran a frustrated hand over his face. He didn’t think there was anything in the world more annoying than teenage girls. “I don’t know, Max. She just said that she’d be here after work. And it’s not a date. Can you two shut up with that already?” the two looked at each other and giggled almost as if they had shared some joke telepathically. 

It was starting to get dark out. Teddi probably should’ve been there a few hours ago. He figured that it probably had something to do with what happened at the pool. Freddy had called him a little earlier to tell him. “Dude, you will not believe what happened. Teddi totally decked Brian Jean!”

Billy had only felt proud for someone that wasn’t himself twice in his life. The first was Max. He worked hard to make sure Max had a thick skin.That she wouldn’t take shit from anyone. And sometimes he thought it could be a little too thick. But that night at the Byers’ after he’d woken up back at home with bits and pieces of the night’s events coming back to him he could help but feel a little proud of the way she had stood up to him to protect her friends. He could have gone without her threatening to turn his dick into mush, but he was still proud. 

He was definitely proud of Teddi. She was always so passive when it came to...well, anyone that wasn’t him. Always avoiding confrontation. And he understood it. It was an easier route to take at home. But when Freddy called him to say that Teddi had broken Brian’s nose he felt a huge wave of pride. 

The doorbell rang, and Max jumped up to answer the door. Teddi was finally here. She had bags from Melvald’s and Hawkins Family Video hanging on her arm and she was balancing three pizza boxes in her hands. “Hey, Maxamillion! The party’s here!” Billy got up to help her with the pizzas as she handed the bags to Max. “There’s our movies and some candy. Mrs. Byers told me to tell you guys she said hi.” 

Max and El both made quick work of dumping the bag of candy onto the floor in front of the tv as Billy and Teddi went into the kitchen. “So,” Billy began with a smirk. “How was work?” 

Teddi froze for a brief moment. “...It was fine.” she said with a shrug. 

Billy set the pizzas on the counter, leaning against it and grinning over at her. “Really? Nothing interesting happened?”

Teddi’s eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms. “...What do you know?” 

“Everything. Freddy called me about twenty minutes ago,” Teddi groaned. “Is that why you wanted me to stay away from Brian? You wanted to handle it yourself?” he asked in a teasing tone. 

“No,” Teddi sighed. Billy watched as she fidgeted nervously in front of him. “I was just gonna ignore him, but then he grabbed me and...I don’t know. I think I might be wound a little tighter than I’ve realized.”

Billy held his hands up. “Wait, wait. He grabbed you? What do you mean he grabbed you?” the next time Billy saw Brian he’d have a hell of a lot more than a broken nose. 

“I thought Freddy told you everything?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Apparently not. Why the hell would he grab you?”

Teddi let out another loud sigh and hopped up onto the counter. Her legs swung back and forth slowly as she picked at the hole in the knee of her jeans. “It’s not as bad as it sounds. He kept trying to ask me out so he could make up for the party. Something about Valentine’s Day,” Billy let out a snort and rolled his eyes. “But I told him I didn’t want to and he wasn’t taking fuck off for an answer…” she covered her face with her hands and let out a loud groan. “I just wish I hadn’t decked him in front of everyone.”

Billy scoffed. “I wish you had done a lot more than that. Too bad I wasn’t there to see it, though. I bet it was pretty hot.” he smirked.

Teddi bit down on her lip to keep herself from smiling. “You’re a bad influence, Hargrove.” 

“You know it, Baby.” he grinned. 

Teddi’s cheeks flushed a little before she hopped down from the counter and walked over to the pizzas. “I’m starving. I got a cheese for the girls and I got us two pepperonis since you put away food like a bottomless pit.” she teased. 

Billy held up an arm, flexing and patting his bicep. He relished the way Teddi’s blush grew deeper. “Gotta feed the machine.” 

She laughed. “The machine? Do you ever hear yourself? Oh, who am I kidding? I bet you love to hear yourself talk.” she giggled, sticking her tongue out at him and grabbing a slice of pizza. 

His response was cut off by Max poking her head into the kitchen. “Can you guys stop flirting for two seconds so we can watch the movies? This is so boring.” 

“Max…” Billy began.

She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I know. Shut up, Max.” she said in a mocking tone before disappearing into the living room. Teddi only smiled at Billy before she piled two more slices of pizza onto her plate and followed Max. 

“Alright, so since El isn’t a big horror fan I picked up Midnight Madness and Splash,” Teddi announced. “And don’t even think about complaining, Hargrove. It’s three against one. Ladies night means we watch Splash.”

Billy groaned loudly and dramatically as he flopped down onto the couch. He’d rather tear his own eyes out than watch some chick flick. He’d sat through a few on dates, but it was a small price to pay to get to feel up whatever girl he’d taken out that week in the theater. And that definitely wasn’t gonna be happening with Teddi. Especially with the gruesome twosome around.

If he was honest El was probably his favorite out of Max’s friends. He still didn’t trust Lucas completely and Mike and Dustin annoyed the shit out of him. The Byers kid was okay. But there was something about him that gave Billy the creeps. El was quiet for the most part. She didn’t talk back like Mike always was (even though he was constantly trying to weasel rides all around town from him) and she wasn’t always babbling incessantly about all that weird nerd shit they all liked.

Still, Billy would’ve preferred it if the two of them weren’t there so he could try to put the moves on Teddi. Yeah, like that would work anyways, he thought bitterly. If all his flirting so far hadn’t worked, he definitely doubted that whole yawn and stretch trick would work on her like it did the other girls. So instead he crossed his arms firmly across his chest and pouted. He only moved to light up a smoke halfway through Midnight Madness.

That hadn’t been such a bad movie. He’d gotten a few laughs. He’d also caught Teddi watching him a few times whenever she knew a funny scene was coming up to see if he’d laugh or not. She almost looked proud each time he did. Like she had his approval. 

Splash however...was a nightmare. God did he hate it. But he wasn’t surprised Teddi had picked it out. Some idiot finds a mermaid and falls in love with her. It had Weird Girl written all over it. They were about halfway through the movie when he finally complained. “This movie sucks,” he spat, a cigarette between his teeth. He lit it and tossed his lighter onto the coffee table. “You can’t even see anything! What’s the point of having her topless the whole damn movie if they’re gonna just cover her up?” 

Teddi scoffed and gave his arm a soft shove. “Of course she’s not naked! There’s impressionable eyes in the room.” she said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Billy grumbled loudly. 

Max turned to face the two of them with a smirk. “Yeah, Billy. Save your nudie movies for when it’s just the two of you.” she and El fell into a fit of giggles. Billy glared at the back of Max’s head. He grabbed a handful of the popcorn Teddi had made in between the two movies at threw it at the back of his step sister’s head. She only laughed. 

He glanced over at Teddi. She was trying not to laugh herself. But her cheeks were flushed. She patted Billy on the shoulder. “It’s almost over,” she promised. There had only been about a half hour left. To Billy it had felt like ages. Max cracking jokes about how John Candy’s character was gonna be Billy in about twenty years definitely didn’t help either. When it was finally over Teddi stretched and fell back into the couch. Her head lolled over to look at Billy. The corner of his lips turned upwards. She smiled back at him. 

“...I should get home,” she sighed. “I told my mom I was working an extra shift at the arcade. I don’t want her getting suspicious.”

Max and El whirled around. “What? You just got here!” Max complained. 

“Max has board games!” El argued. 

Teddi let out a whine like groan and scrunched up her nose. “Believe me girls, if I could sleep over I would. Maybe next time, okay? I’ll bring more chick flicks.” she grinned over at Billy. He rolled his eyes. 

“How ‘bout you guys clean all this shit up, huh? And tell Teddi thank you for the movies.” God, he thought with a hint of disgust, I sound like Neil. Max and El both said their thank yous, hugging Teddi before running off into the kitchen with the remnants of popcorn and pizza. 

Teddi returned both tapes to their cases and smiled over at Billy. “You gonna be able to handle them on your own?”

“Maybe...maybe I’ll sneak some nighttime cough syrup into their Cokes,” Teddi shot him a look and he waved a hand at her. “I’m kidding...thanks for this. Coming over and all.” he shifted nervously, his hands in his pockets. 

Teddi shrugged. “It’s no problem. They’re fun kids. Plus I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I really enjoyed forcing you to watch Splash,” she laughed. Billy let out a short laugh. “I’ll see ya...probably tomorrow.” she said, her laugh a bit more awkward this time. Billy nodded and followed her to the front door. He opened it for her and gave an awkward wave.

“Later, Larsson.” 

“Later, Hargrove.” she grinned, turning and making her way to the curb where her van was parked. Billy shut the door after her van disappeared down the street. El and Max were watching him from the hallway.

“Oh, Teddi I love you!” Max said in a deeper voice that Billy assumed was supposed to sound like him. She grabbed El by the shoulders. El laughed and matched Max’s movements. 

“Kiss me Teddi!” she repeated in the same ridiculous tone before they fell into another fit of giggles.

Billy rolled his eyes and glares at the two girls. “Isn’t it time you little assholes go to bed?”

Max raised an eyebrow. “It’s ten o’clock, grandpa. Shouldn’t you be in bed?” She asked, taking El by the hand and pulling her down the hall to her room. He could still hear their laughter and he let out a groan, falling down onto the couch. He flipped on the TV and mindlessly flipped through the channels. He hated sleepovers. 

[raguna-blade]

Revolutionary Girl Utena 34-39 And The Adolescence of Utena

So hot diggity damn, I finally finished the Series and it’s Sequel movie. (Perhaps it’s not truly a sequel. I will be graceful and acknowledge this as a possibility as I gleefully ignore it because hot damn that movie makes Negative Sense if You haven’t seen the series before (Which I know factually because I’ve watched it multiple times without having seen the series in full proper. That dance scene man) but makes immense amounts of sense if viewed as a sequel. I’m gonna get around to it sooner or later I think, probably sooner since the subject is on my mind, but still) Shit went down. So much has gone down, but the one thing that I can say is that it I am so glad to see that Akio got dunked on in the most pleasing way by the Lady who consistently spat hot fire the entire series.

Also that Dance Scene was SO FUCKING GOOD, LIKE HOLY SHIT GUYS.

Proper Essays and the like to come as I Do a run through thoughts and such, since I got a bunch of them.

Episodes 35-39

Episode 35

Oh Boy prince time again. Oh god. Oh god they changed it again.

I find it interesting that Dios is Still framed pretty sympathetically. He's a solid A plus good guy, but shit goes so horribly wrong that he just...stops. Hm. Wonder if there's a reason WHY he warped so? It doesn't excuse anything but...

Wait, did Utena start recalling everything? Hell of a way to regain your memories.

I do not appreciate the crotch shot here following that last ep.

GODDAMNIT AKIO. YEAH TAKE A WALK AWAY.

This whole scene feels awkward.

Oh damn her face flattened out like whoa. She mad.

Was it Eternity? That warped him...?

What's with the car...?

Also, ….Ok, toga. Car Pyramid too.

Also, is Akio...hm. Oddly Passive? Hm.

Give her a present, say it's from me, and god damnit akio please stop being weird for like 10 seconds.

What's with the carrot in his pocket.

Earrings? Jessu wakaba.

...Wait, was this to tilt TOGA? But why would that do it?

Prince Mystique. I think this shit was actually supposed to til him.

I think Akio actually fucking played Touga. HE THOUGHT THEY WERE PARTNERS AND YOU GOT PLAYED!

Yeah, Touga is fucking TILTED.

He looks so put off right now. Like he's...off. He's off in a way the others haven't been.

Saionji here reading him like a book. Jesus Saionji is tearing him a new one.

Used people like tools and it made you strong IN THE PAST.

Shadow Girls? Feels super early, but it's the second half of the episode. But what's the deal with fish...Oh, fish in the sea. Girls exist to be exploited? Huh...Toga I guess....A Mermaid? Oh, a fish and a personality

LEFT THE BED. OH NO. The earrings. Also, I dislike the soft lovely lovey dovey shading here. Just feels...like liesssssssssssss

Anthy.

He thinks he won the game. He wants her to be a princess.

A princess who will revolutionze the world.

Oh Shit the elevator! It's been too long.

Is it the bros time?

Never come out of this coffin. Is everyone dead here?

Saionji: YOU LOVE HER BRO?

TOUGA: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Final Letter? Hm..Why the play? But I'm making this call. Akio's not actually end of the world?

Saionji: YOU SURE YOU WANNA BE LIKE HIM?

But for real dudes, why you strippin.

...Oh is chuchu a familiar? Or some part of anthy?

Anthy is not having it. AND SH what the fuck WHAT THE FUCK WE JUST GONNA IGNORE HER SPURTING INTO SWORDS?

Honestly, all of this is half making me wonder about the black rose arc cause it feels...mad out of place? It got excised from canon but...hm.

Episode 36

This yinyang shit is increasingly worrisome.

Elevator again? Also, how long has it been since we've seen the rest of the student council. And why does Touga think he needs to beat her to save her?

Hm....

Is the coffin (Coffins) Ohotori? Is this some weird purgatory? Would explain shadow seminar guy.

You sound sincere when you say that. IMPLYING HE DOESN”T THE REST OF THE TIME.

DON'T KISS AND LOOK ALL DREAMY FUCK YOU AKIO. FUCK YOU

WHY CANT THESE GUYS CLOSE A SHIRT?

Oh Stuco? Please be the heroes we need.

Juri: SOMETHING IS WRONG

Miki: WELL SHEIS A GIRL BUT...Uh...I mean that's good? Right? Something is off.

Oh Boy. Revolution TIME.

….What...what are they doing. What's with the  Bike...? Also, the metaphor shit makes me uh..Hm.

Touga: GETTING SECOND THOUGHTS.

Saionji tries to copy akio, and immediately shot down, shits dumb.

Shirt open utena? Copying princly(???) manners there.

Night Dueling...?

So...what's up Touga?

REAL STARS. SEEING REAL STARS FOR THE FIRST TIME!

And it shows the castle? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Man, touga realizing he fucked up but big.

I'm not sure if he's fucking around or for real right now. This is a cute as hell moment i'll grant, but suspect. Touga's got a history.

So he does care. Oh...So that's why he has to win. To keep her away from Akio? But...what's up with that.

...So is Saionji to Anthy as Touga is to Utena? Huh...?

Shadow Time...? Prince of the Horse and the Prince...uh...Hm.

Apocalypse time Hoo boy.

Huh. The Roses growing in anthy's clothes....I wonder if they're supposed to be sorta like...Swords? Analagous to Swords.

Touga and Saionji...Yeah I think that's a HARD ass confirm there. Wait oh my god really?????

That no budget though.

….Touga said he'd protect her and....EVERYTHING GOT REALLY FUCKING WEIRD. THE CARS. ANTHY

Oh man the cars are getting HOT wrecked.

Yo. YO GUYS THIS IS DOPE.

Are the cars the dudes/princes familiars...?

Is it over for us?

BEWARE THE ROSE BRIDE AND END OF THE WORLD

hoo boy. That's...a long ass pause there. And whispering akios name and YEESH SWORDS

oh god is it happening? Oh god it might be happening.

OH FUCK IT HAPPENED. AND SHE LOOKS BROKEN AS SHIT RIGHT NOW.

Utena is...uh...not here right now.

Nanami was RIGHT THE WHOLE TIME. TRIFLING AS HELL AS SHE WAS SHE WAS RIGHT.

ALSO BLUE HAIR AND JURI MIRROR UTENA AND TOUGA OK GOT IT. Shiori is Anthy then I guess.

Utena don't you know how much i've despised you? HOLY SHIT

Episode 37

Hey, Hey, Utena. SHITS FUCKED. ITS HIS FAULT.

DON'T TAKE THE RING OFF OH FUCK. She remembers. Oh boy. Ohhhhhhhhboy.

Only realizing how many fake ass stars are in the apartment.

Anthy is acting more robotic than usual.

Forgive Me! Chuchu.

Oh, the Rose bundle has the whole set of colors don't it. Yep. Orange, green, blue, yellow, red.

End of the World doesn't want things to change?

You two just gonna...just gonna admit how close you are. Touga. Saionji.

Anthy can hear the car noises. If you can still hear it.

GOD I HATE THIS MAN SO MUCH.

Anthy on her mind.

No star mention huh. Stars don't interest him....Hm.

Only place you can see stars are in Anthy and Utena's room.

Is this the first time we've seen utena in red?

….I JUST realized how immensely creepy this picture taking thing is from Akio. Somehow.

Anthy: My brother loves you as well miss utena.

Oh she's fucking up the ball game.

I love this life, I hope our feelings stay the same between the three of us.

Well fucking up the ballgame is off. But falling out the pattern. Never a good sign.

Juri and Miki to the rescue?

Utena is chosen to bring the world revolution. And she doesn't...want it. Been playing prince..So you could make yourself a prince.

Juri: What're you gonna do about anthy. You love her right. You...You know that right?

Nanami to the rescue. YOU KNOW YOU'RE BEING TRICKED YOU MORONS. STAY AWAY FROM AKIO AND ANTHY.

Nanami is a good girl, if a bit of a bitch..

Kozue watching like a hawk.

Miki: Hey I'm a bit in love with you.

Juri: COINCIDENCE?

Duel for her huh. HUH?

Shadow Girls...Why aliens crashing into the tower?

Utena's the Actress here. Shadow Girls OTP. Only one girl can be chosen at the audition.

So, a taste of the princess life?

Hoo boy...Why does he look so fucking angry. Also Anthy with the uh...weirdly sexual pains there.

What do you wanna do in the future Anthy?

Cantarella. A Deadly Poison. Why...are you just bringing that up. Poisoned Tea and cookies...huh?

What's with the record skip.

BOTH OF US TOGETHER 10 YEARS FROM NOW. Yes it would be nice. Just...Just ask her out utena. Please.

...Why are you on the ledge Anthy. uh...Is this a suicide HO SHIT.

I just can't go on. Anthy just...legit tried to kill herself? She just tried to kill herself.

Devoted to true friendship? A gullible fool?

Anthy. You can still turn back huh. Ring On. Prince Mode Engaged. Let's just fucking go.

Episode 38

APOCALYPSE AT THE START? UH. UH PATTERN BREAK? Uh...Shit.

Last two eps, now is the time I guess.

Hold Hands in the face of the End of the World. Let's goooooo

So...That's Dios. And Akio in front. So they're not the same person. For sure.

The Castle where a prince and princess will live together happily

WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED TO ANTHY JESSU CHRIST THAT WAS SCARY.

Rose Bride Utena.Make her into a rose bride. Hit him utena.

Yes, what does happen to Anthy. Rose Bride forever. Swords for ever.

Oh are they building on the suicide thing? Please and thanks.

Oh anthy REALLY wants to die. Like she is not even trying to stay alive.

The Rose Bride, a doll with no heart, to be abused and used huh.

Anthy and Utena finally having a heart to heart.

...Kinda feel like they're talking past each other though?

TAKE BACK THE SWORD.

Dios on her side.

The Prince and Castle are illusions. So that include the school...?

Uh...Uh...the star gazing room? Planeterium, that's the word.

Akio's room is the tip top. Casts Illusions.

Is it so wrong? YES FUCKER JESUS.

YOU ARE AN ADULT YOU FUCK. ITS NOT POSSIBLE TO BE FAIR.

You never tried to understand anthy. Huh...

They are throwing so much here. Like god damn.

Akio claims

HELLAVATOR?

He's trying so hard to get that sword from Utena.

He's...crying?

JUST A WITCH.

OH GOD THE SHELL. ITS BEEN SO LONG!

Nanami too!?

Smash the Worlds shell....oh the end of the world.

The Revolution Duel Has Begun huh.

Akio with his off brand Utena Outfit.

Real Combat huh?

Akio is REFUSING to explain himself. Which is markedly different since he's the only adult here.

I'm Gonna be a Prince...Oh shit is this the duel opening shot. Illusory construct. Oh boy. Oh boy that shit was literal wasn't it.

Anthy...? She looks uh...Not Ok.

Akio isn't though. He's looking uh...Bad too.

ANTHY? ANTHY?! WHAT TU FUCK? THATS HOW YOU END THE EPISODE?!

HOW YOU GONNA STAB UTENA LIKE THAT?

EPISODE 39

uh...pattern breaking again. Where's the opening. Last time to break a pattern I guess. Chance to.

FUCKING STABBED HER! WHY.

You remind me of Dios. But you can never be my prince cause you're a girl.

uh.

Uhhhhhhh.

The Duel Named Revolution. Utena is...Her Their Representative.? She's their Rep.

A boy saved juri's sister, and died. They can't recall his name. Uh...hm.

Y'all just gonna have corn cookin though.

Anthy....?

Do you hate what i've become? Why is he crying?

Y'all just gonna leave Utena dying.

His knowledge is absolute. He chose this path. Claims to love her. FUCK HIM UP.

He couldn't win with his sword, so he stole utenas.

UTENA HANGIN ON.

Stubborn and reckless hero. A taste of true friendship.

OH FUCK THATS A LOT OF SWORDS

Shine with with human hatred. Summoned and deflected by Utena's sword?

HEY HEY WAIT A SECOND. THE FIRST SWORD THAT STRUCK HER IS DIOS/AKIOS. HEY WAIT A GODDAMN MINUTE.

Takes the sword in place of the prince. Destiny of the Rose bride huh. And he's sitting here saying she chose this? YOU TALKED HER INTO IT ASSHOLE.

AND HE CAN'T EVE DO IT WITH THE SWORD HE WANTED SO BADLY.

So...Dios...Again. Through the door eternity, and the power to change things. Well damn fuck dios too.

It's interesting that Dios is presented as a powerful figure, but is ultimately pretty impotent here. He holds absolute power but cannot act? HUH.

Broke her sword huh.

Akio: I COULDn'T DO IT SO YOU CAN'T EITHER. FUCKING DUMBASS

Utena; FUCKING TRY ME. THIS SHIT IS GOIN DOWN.

Oh, friend pointed it out. Roses are all her color.

No power, you can't do anything. Just be dependent.

Utena: FUCK OFF. FUCK THIS DOOR. ANTHY

HAVENTS SEEN THIS SHIT IN A WHILE!

And the swords stopped.

Just realized how childish the prince is...

Oh hey a coffin. And her hands are bloody.

Oh...I think HES gonna have to deal with these swords now.

It's anthy in the coffin. Of course. Tracks.

Don't be afraid of the world says baby Utena. Word.

AT LAST WE MEET!? Yeah that tracks. That. Yeah. She's not being the rose bride. She's being Anthy.

TAKE HER HAND ANTHY GODDAMNIT

While i'm thinking, the whole edifice of end of the worlds power broke down.

Someday together. Uh. Uhhhhhh. Hey. Hey wait a minute.

HEY NO THATS NOT COOL. In the end I couldn't be a prince. Forgive me.

The Swords are...Uh...Utena. UTENA! oh..oh shit.

Wakaba. Hero.

Shadow Girls gonna be an actress. 10 year reunion.

Who was Utena again...? uh.. Utena Hopitalized? Uh...Hey wait a second.

Everyone seems to be..going on.

They're all forgetting she ever existed.

He really doesn't realize what happened.

She vanished from your world. Huh.

Oh hey she's in utena's colors. Well maybe her colors.

I SWEAR I'LL FIND YOU. HEY WAIT.

Hey Final frame Utena and Anthy. ALRIGHT.

MAY THIS ROSE REACH YOU.

NOW THE MOVIE

Revolutionary Girl Utena The Adolescence of Utena

Ok, so this isn't the movie proper, just the dvd thing, but Man Anthy looks super. She looks actually kinda confident and active and alive I guess?

Anyway, I'm going into this assuming it's some kind of sequel. I'm looking for that anyway. Whether it's true uh..We'll see.

HERE WE GO

Anthy and Akio on the tower? And now Just Anthy. At the toppest point where things were controlled right?

….what the fuck is this geometry.

Music still slaps.

I'm sure those pictures were supposed to mean something but fuck if I know what.

...What the hell.

Utena!? SHORT HAIR SHARP DRESSED!

Wakaba! Utena being the charmingest though.

On Air? Shadow Girl Radio! Listen Carefully!

This academy is castelvania.

Shadow girls: Dumped again? Rain on her parade? Huh.

Utena's Pavlor Instincts: PRINCE?! PRINCE WHERE!?

Budget yo. Miki and Juri though man. Juri's not a bad choice for prince.

Juri has like 8 times as much hair. Like Damn. Your Rival

Hey it's Touga! Utena is SHOOK

...The Rose Thing is BUSTED.  Just straight wrecked. The Garden. That's the word.

Hey touga what's with the spooky ghost bullshit.

HOW MANY YEARS HAS IT BEEN SINCE WE LAST MET.

I didn't come here looking for you. Surprised you're here.

I'll live with high goals.

More of a pink rose really. Unfurls to reveal...the ring? Huh. Rose Rain now.

Oh...That's DEFFINITELY the highest place in the academy. Structurally uh...uh.......

The Rose Gate looks fucked up. Oh that's a lot of roses. Didn't anthy say something about tending roses...?

Are you not afraid? Anthy looks...really happy. Her hair is down.

I'm the only one captive to the roses. Why'd you come here?

Why'd you come to this academy? And Anthy stopped when she saw the ring. And kinda freaked out.

How do you know about that. Heyyyyyyyyyyy. Saionji.

Rose brides symbol. She's holding that pink/white flower pretty tight though.

Anthy just...kinda went back into robo mode there. And she's not...precisely feeling the ring thing.

Meanwhile, that gate effect.

Do you have a sword? (you know nothing. Last chance to take it off please.)

Utena. A broom ain't a sword, but yeah fuck him up. Ain't worse than what you.

Anthy slap count. But she's active here. She's being a person here unlike before which is.

Anthy is covering her ears.

You're the one who doesn't understand. Is there any girl who's happy to be treated like a possession.

I NEVER SAID THAT I WAS A BOY. FUCK OFF.

Anthy looking hopeful there. DIVE. YOU're NOT ALLOWED TO DUEL WITHOUT A SWORD.

And...Is this song from the original but better but....

Anthy and utena got back into the swing asap. Long Hair Utena returns. Prince Utena rather I guess.

GG Saionji.

PINK MOSTLY! ITS PINK MOSTLY! NOT RED. A LITTLE RED! OH MY GOD THIS MIGHT BE A LEGIT SEQUEL!? Kinda sorta. I'll have to explain myself later.

Touga and Utena are cute as kids. Look at em.

Anthy just...asserted herself.

I don't usually invite people to my room. And then you pull her onto your bed.

Mark of the rose, you know it don't you?

Uh...uh damn Anthy. She's just....straight up feeling up Utena. Looked shocked then certain.

Dreaming of the castle with the prince.

Kozue what are ...what's up with this room. Her prince drowned huh?

Probably the closest we'll get to duelist wakaba here.

Also trying to win her. Well I guess you could say he's here for the dueling.

Hey, Touga don't kiss and tell.

These two are...oddly friendly.

Touga, don't talk to Akio. It's never good.

Calling her a witch.

Prince was a lord of the flies. The witch turned them into a prince.

Wait, not Kozue, that was shiori.

KOZUE, just put a knife to her brothers throat. OK.

Uh...Sold to your father...? Where's nanami though. Calling him a customer makes this uh...infinitely skeeziesr.

Wow Shiori seems a bit uh...

Oh yeah, that's no good. Goddamn poor touga.

Touga: I will win. But I can't be cruel to Juri. High goals man.

This darkness leads to the end of the world....And Dios being a goddamn Cryptid.

The Revolution will begin soon.

Miki: My wish is to obtain more power.

Juri: I want power to be free. To be unconstrained.

Touchy Juri is cool. Big Big Sister Energy there.

Shiori being MAD damicky right now. Trifling. Just absorb Nanami or something?

Miki: Free from Constraints. I get it. Yeeeeeee.

Anthy Please step away from the edge. And you just flash stepped to the center. ok.

Utena is WAY more expressive here too.

“There is no prince” That's...pretty chilling coming from utena actually. And Anthy is so damn touchy feely.

Uh. Uhhhhhhh. ok. Axe antics.

But not in utena which is a step up.

Ooh the ground is mad pretty.

And the starrrs. YoooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Anthy! Looking mad gentle and sweet here. Duelist Utena! And Rose Bride Anthy!

Oh shit. This dance scene is...And it's their reflections .

NO MATTER HOW MUCH TIME PASSES DON'T FORGET THTA PROMISE. IVE COME ALL THIS WAY AT LAST!

YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE LIGHT IS ALWAYS SHINING!

THEIR EXPRESSIOSN AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

Oh it's the oninon boy.

Draw Each Other huh! eyebrow waggle

Anthy where the hell are you going.What the. And it's the tower huh.

It's just an obvservation room now though huh. Or in this version.

Anthy, smiles when she takes off the ring. SEQUEL VIBE INCREASES.

Anthy, is unquestionably the one in charge this movie. Compared to before. She's way more impish.

Like...How the hell did you talk her into posing nude exactly?

Utena. Utena are you asking her to strip- ANTHY!

Uh what's that sound. WHAT ARE THESE PICTURES? Uh...Uh...wait what's up with the anthy here.

Ok, so Akio/dios being a weirdo again....and there is a fucking hole in her chest. A big honking hole.

SHADOW TIMES:...

Is...Is that nanmi. There's Chuchu and nanami yep, ok. OK. Oh it's the three dudes too.

You had limitless budget and you put this shit in.

...What the fuck was that though. Crocodile kun.

Hey Akio looking...Cool as usual. But is he still awful?

Record skips. Great.

Did he roofie his sister.

Hey fuck that noise WE DUEL NOW

VS JURI

...People can SEE them dueling?

What's with Shiori though.

Juri once again, being a boss. Also, I just noticed that all of their outfits have gotten an upgrade.

...Miki what do you mean who is Touga.

Juri is...WAY madder about her pretending to princedom than before.

Dios Overlay. And Anthy seemed shocked.

…....A Dead Akio. And he was buried under the ground. And Anthy looked...kinda...pissed.

Anthy killed Akio. And Shiori? Out here pulling shit?

...Oh Akio thought she was asleep when he pulled his shit. Hoooooboy.

Oh the interview room. Shadow room?

Akio freaking the fuck out and he killed her.

And he's dead. Pretty pathetically actually.

Deffo the shadow seminar. Hellavator!

...Touga?

So castle showed up when she killed her brother.

Is...Touga dead.

They keep going back to this drowning kid.

Hero Touga. The Touga we deserve.

Well he died in water and not fire, so...Go him. Seemed pretty chill about it.

I finally found you utena. Power of miracles as long as you stay here.

Pull the sword out and just put that shit back in.

Let's get the fuck out of here-CARRED

TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD

Best version of the Apocalypse song, but why a fucking carwwash. Who thought this made sense. It's DOPE to look at but like damn man.

Utena makes a DOPE car though. Like that shit looks awesome. SHES RUSTING  ANTHY. PUT THE KEY IN HER.

Shadow Radio! Hot Damn, Kage OS looks DOPE.

They're all pink haired shadow gals. Which is neat.

Wacky Races Yo.

BIG MISTAKE THINKING YOURE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN TURN INTO A CAR.

Only one who escapes this world. The only one who deserves it is beautiful me. Well...Rip Shiori.

OH ITS THE SWORDS. THEY'RE THE SWORDS.

Ok, this makes CONSIDERABLY more sense if you think of it as a sequel I think.

Needs help? Stuco Squad is there for youuuuuuuuu.

Or at least those who remain.

….WAKABA IS THE JEEP!?

Saionji: I have your back. And when we get to the outside world, I will be there to seduce. The fucking dork.

Oh hey it's the castle making what I must assume is it's last appearance....Oh that's ominous. Das big.

THAT OPENING THEME YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Still freaking weird, but Shadow Girls got your back..

HYE THATS CHEATING!

Oh hey, it's everyone's favorite dickhead.

Where you can be a living corpse.

You can only be a prince in that world.

Goodbye brother, you are no longer my prince.

Hey Akio, how is it you're still the worst.

The balancing act there is crazy like damn you two.

Shadow Girls no more! But we'll miss you.

Anthy Himemiya and Utena Tenjou as the Shadow Girls huh.

Man, the real world looks like shit. (?real World?)

The logistics of it aside, that's a hell of a cool shot.

Return to the outside world we're from. Explore and make the world bigger. Ok. Ok. I get you.

Also. That made LESS sense with context.

[amazildoessomethingstupid]

Chapter 100: High Expectations

Alright, this time for real. We’re going to be diving into Chapter 100: High Expectations.  Which is fairly ironic given how my sources on the recent chapters actually didn’t have much to say about this chapter.  Which hasn’t been an actual thing since Chapter 96: Unspoken Rule. So contrary to the title of the chapter, I actually have no real expectations going into this thing, which means this is either going to be really boring and uninteresting, or…

Taeshi can do what Taeshi does best.

In either case, we start with the now ever-present Moody Mike.  Upset about his burnt to atomic ashes relationship with Lucy, his completely absent shell of a relationship with Sandy and more.  Actually now that I think about it, that’s something I haven’t really gotten into with these rants.  NEW MIKE! I guess I never felt the need to since Moody Mike has been a mainstay for a while long before these recent chapters, and it seems that for the most part the chapters seemed to be more focused on Paulo, Daisy, Abbey, and occasionally Mike.  And in the chapters where it was centered more around him, there wasn’t much to really comment on with his behavior as it was just Mike being Mike. And often times he’d be skirted off in lieu of shit and characters we actually cared about. Speaking of which,

Daisy nabs Paulo a chocolate pudding from the cafeteria, and I honestly love Paulo in this scene.  It feels like his character in the dialogue, although I will say I have no idea what public school serves shit like this.  I know my high school never had any dessert of any kind. The closest thing to that, would be either stuff you bought from clubs doing sales, or strawberry milk or if you were lucky vanilla milk.  If you switched that pudding for strawberry milk motherfucker, I would actually be Paulo in this situation.  For a highschool teen that shit was the bomb.  Oh and Mike’s being a grouch but who gives a shit.

Of course this leads to some ship baiting between Paulo and Daisy, but I don’t have any problems with it. I think it’s cute, and all but of course

It comes with a bit of stipulation…Hey Abbey did Sue’s actual words of wisdom sink in?  Did you listen?

Guess not.  Oh well, I guess we’re just being reminded that yes Abbey does still resent Paulo, and Paulo is still scared of Abbey.  Anyway, what’s this chapter really about?  Are we going to finally get into Mike’s problem with Sandy?

D’awww look at that.  That is just precious.

Awwww, she thinks she’s an actual character!  Cute, but seriously what’s this chapter about?

Oh, we’re actually staying on this subject?  Fuck, alright then. Let’s go Abbey, tell us again about how you feel like we haven’t heard it before.  I’m sure even though Susan hasn’t gotten through to you, and neither has Daisy, I’m sure that Jasmine will be the one to finally reach you! (also, I just realized that hand is a bit too detailed for the style now that I’m looking at it, it’s like it’s someone else’s hand there it’s so jarring)

Yes, Abbey.  Because everyone else is able to build their opinions based on contextual knowledge about both Paulo and Daisy, and are able to have empathy for both parties and see the good and the flaws in Paulo to realize that he’s not that bad of a person, and people who want to say that he’s nothing but a selfish womanizing idiot either don’t understand the nuance of his character, or are purposefully ignoring the actual good of his character not only in recent chapters with his pussification, but also his supportive and defensive nature towards loved ones in earlier volumes.

Well holy shit, Jasmine color me surprised.  You said something in-line to building your character!  It’s almost as if, you having been in a relationship with Paulo understand that he’s more than what others like Abbey see in him!  He’s more than just a flirt, he’s not that fucking bad.  IN FACT!

I am legitimately happy about Jasmine’s character in this scene.  She’s putting her foot down, she’s showing how supporting she can be, but also holding to her own strong morals.  Abbey on the other hand is still acting like a little bitch boy who’s upset he can’t have it his way.

Then you’re what?

I would’ve gone with “hypocrite” but all very good answers. I’m very proud of all of you.

Trying to force your loved ones to turn their back on someone they also care about, and making the situation worse by judging them for making their own decisions on who they hang out with on the other hand… Yeah that’s kind of a bad thing to do.  Especially since, I…

Don’t actually remember much about Abbey ever really supporting Daisy in what she does…  Like we’re hammered over the head about how Daisy is helping Abbey, going to therapy, taking his side, going to bat for him. But I’m not sure about Abbey doing similar for her.  Like, when did Abbey go to Daisy’s cheer meets?  Or try to get himself involved with things she loves?  I mean, did Abbey even know that Daisy was interested in that author dude at the convention?  Did Abbey ever take notice to what Daisy wants?  Did he ever really shush out her insecurities about feeling unattractive outside of just being there?  

I just realized, there’s a question we’ve been missing this entire time…Was Abbey ever really a good boyfriend for Daisy? Huh…I may have to think about this one.

Anyway, Jasmine talks some sense into the boy, and like I said she shows how she can be supportive and understanding.  And also

Yeeeaah… Uhhh…  I really want to get into that “breakup” but I feel that’d be too long of an aside.  Imma just put it on the backburner and let you finish.

But yeah, Jasmine ends up making a good case for Paulo, and I find it very nice honestly!  It’s a very good reprive from the bullshit anger she had towards Paulo back in the Garbage Pick Up chapter.  It is kind of wishy washy how she goes back to being like “Oh yeah, Paulo’s not a bad person and doesn’t deserve so much hatred.” After how she badmouthed him before, but that badmouthing in itself was bullshit so it kind of counters out and I’ll take it if it means that Jasmine can be her own fucking person with her own fucking opinions based on her own experience now.  Although she still retains a bit of her cocksleeve status, as Abbey accepts this and it seems that NOW he’s starting to get the message.  I guess he has no choice, if he gives Jasmine the same treatment as Susan, or Daisy of disregarding their advice he’d be shit out of luck.  This is the last character who somewhat matters that isn’t in a relationship, Abbey.  Don’t fuck it up.  And before you say Rachel is available now, FUCK YOU SHE DOES NOT DESERVE THAT.  SHE DESERVES BETTER THAN ABBEY.

Anyway, we’re back to the actually important characters and Paulo is freaking out.   Which y’know, is pretty understandable given how Abbey’s lashing out was pretty unprompted and out of nowhere.  So it would make sense for Paulo to think the same would happen. But apparently, Moody Mike is not having it and is insistent on making this chapter about him.  

Oh my god are we doing this? Oh shit, are we trading victim cards here?  First of all, Mike your victim card doesn’t work with that statement because as far as I remember, Lucy never attacked you out of fucking nowhere when you were just hanging out with your friend and doing them a favor.  It was usually because you were being a little annoying prick.  But more importantly, just fucking stop with that okay?  This isn’t fucking Yu-Gi-Oh, you shouldn’t use your fucking victim card as a fucking excuse for being an uncaring asshole to your friends’ problems.  Which is especially infuriating given how when Paulo was assaulted,

You were the first person who showed actual genuine concern for Paulo after being assaulted.  And it seemed you continued to do so, with your friendship with him being strengthened and finding common ground!  But oh, nope can’t have that because now you’re having a bad time and oh no Sandy’s not giving you attention, so you need to be bitchy to everyone else so they can give you attention.  Oh boy!  Mike, I have noticed how I’ve been very light on you in these recent chapters.  So thank you.  Thank you for giving me this opportunity to finally show some o dat good ol’ Mike hate!

And it seems that this turn of character is not lost on Paulo too!  And I gotta say, I hate how Paulo had been turned to a more passive character.  But oh my god, this shit right here.  

Mwah, that’s the good shit. Oh Paulo, you absolute mad lad I applaud you in actually making valid points towards Mike and calling him out for his bullshit.  

Things start to get heated, as Paulo snatches Mike’s phone to get his attention so he can finally talk about what the fuck his problem is.  And oh man, that fucking burn.  OOF damn Paulo you are savage.  However, Mike brings up a good counterpoint.

Jesus Christ, Mike you were not kidding!  And to top it off, Mike’s using his fucking levitation powers to bring the smackdown too! He’s not even standing on a chair or anything, this man is going full Carrie mode!

Anyway, Mike storms away from the table and… I just realized something again.  Weren’t Rachel, Madison, Jess and Matt also at the table? Wouldn’t they have a few things to say about this situation? (actually now that I think about it I don’t think I’d like to hear Madison chime in with her usual demeanor on this situation) but for real where are they?  We set that up in Table for One, but I just realized it’s never actually been utilized for anything.  Did they just leave after Paulo and Rachel broke up?  What a pointless plot point, that only lasted for one day.  Anyway, at least we’re getting into what this chapter’s actually about I guess…What is this chapter about?

Oh shit, are we getting a resurgence of Sue?!  Between this and the birthday party, Sue is finally being the character she’s supposed to be!  Praise be! And look!

She’s showing off her character!  She cares, she’s trying to be proactive, she’s being a fucking character again! Yes!  These are good talking points!  Work it out!  Give me more!

Oh you blue balling piece of shit.  How dare you deny me the rare Good Sue.  Fine then, we’ll focus on Paulo, what’s he doing now?

Running away in a panic, alright then… I’m glad I’m missing out on an actual straight talk between a sensible Sue and Moody Mike for this.  Whatever, where are you going with this?

Okay, he passes by Abbey who is seemingly happier now with his new friends.  An obvious punch to make Paulo feel guilty about Abbey.  Whatever, we’re not focusing on that.  Where are we going?  Is Paulo going to the nurse or something?  Actually, y’know what?  Where are the student aids?  Like, when I went to high school I remember you couldn’t pass two halls without bumping into an adult student aid who was watching the kids for this kind of shit. Where are the student aids?  Or the On-Campus-Officers?  Was my rinky dink coconut public high school somehow more well-equipped than this high school that apparently can serve DESSERT in the cafeteria?! Where the adults in this situation?!  Where the hell are we going?!

Oh…shit…

Oh no…

OH! OH NOW WE’RE CONTINUING WITH SUE AND MIKE?!  NOW WE’RE DOING THIS SHIT?  WHY?! WHY ARE YOU DOING IT LIKE THIS?! WHY CAN’T YOU JUST FOCUS ON ONE FUCKING THING, YOU WERE DOING SO WELL BEFORE! Oh whatever, if I bitch about the pacing here now we’ll never get out of here.  At least Sue is talking sense, and trying to actually be proactive and figure out what’s wrong.  And I like how it doesn’t take long for her to deduce the problem too.

BAM! OBLIGATORY JANUARY REFERENCE! GET IT IN THERE BABY! WE BEEN LONG OVERDUE!

Anyway, Sue is actually trying to piece things together to try and solve this problem, but Moody Mike has evolved into Defensive December Mike!  The worst Mike of all.  Deflecting and lashing out at everyone else, screaming at people in order fix his problems by not dealing with his problems at all.  Digging into the past bullshit to excuse what’s going on now, guilt tripping people by using the actions he let them get away with as leverage.  This is the sort of Mike that made people hate Mike.

Luckily, Sue just walks away in an honestly pretty somber moment.  Poor Sue, actually trying to help for once but always being shot down and disregarded.  But as Mike lashes out at her again, she drops the mic saying one final thing for Mike to simmer on.

Oh wait, no that was the mic drop from January for Mike.  Where Daisy tells Mike that his negligence towards his own problems has caused a clear divide that can not be tolerated anymore and is driving everyone away. And how it’s unfair for him to force upon his friends to deal with and solve his problems for him.  But for real, what’s the actual ending?

Oop!  Wait, sorry nope that was me again channeling January.  What Sue actually says is!

Well that’s…underwhelming.

Seriously?  “You’re so unpleasant”?  “I can’t let you talk to me this way”?  That’s it?!  That’s all you have to say?  Come on, you were doing so well with Sue in this scene.  All jokes aside, I actually liked her appearance here! I appreciated this scene!  But this is the fucking mic drop?!  This is what Sue says to Mike after getting yelled at, and realizing that he’s gone too far for her to help?  Come on, you can do better than that Taeshi! Anyway, let’s check in on Paulo and Lucy I guess.

Oh boy, look!

See guys?  It’s just like Lacey predicted!  Everyone is so judgy and hating her just because she’s hanging out with Augustus!  See? Lucy was right, an-

I don’t want to hurt anymore… Please stop.

Well I guess we’re not done with the melodrama and shouting, but I will say that Paulo is making sense here. He’s not just deflecting or arguing that this is about something else, like Mike.  

However, it seems that this comic only allows for one person per scene to have a braincell and Paulo is hogging it all.  While Lacey is still being her cold and uncaring self.  Paulo here, while seeming to be the clear aggressor is very clear at least for why he is upset and making good points. Lucy on the other hand is taking the Mike approach and…

Deflecting the problem by making it seem about how it’s Paulo’s problem and not hers anymore because she is wiping her hands clean of her past relationships.  Sure.  Alright guy.

At least Paulo is retaining his one brain cell to see through this bullshit, and call out the problem! Y’know… LIKE HOW HE USED TO BE!  AND HOW HE SHOULD’VE BEEN!  NOT WANTING TO LEAVE A PROBLEM ALONE WHEN HE SEES IT, AND TRY TO ARGUE TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!  

But of course, Lacey is Lacey, and Lacey doesn’t care because why should she?  She never cared about Paulo or anyone else’s feelings since her return, and has only done things for her own self interest because that’s her character now I guess.  Whatever. Y’know…if you told me three years ago that in three years I’d end up hating and bashing on Lucy more than Mike…I won’t say I wouldn’t believe you, because I’m cynical enough to believe any bullshit you tell me about what happens in the future of this comic.  But I don’t think I would have been able to take this bullshit.

But in either case, Lucy’s uncaring attitude is starting to make Paulo breakdown, and I find myself siding with Paulo a bit.  I mean, yes she fucking does owe them some fucking answers, or a cursory status update. But of by the end of this page of course it goes back to the shipping which is of course the main purpose of almost all conflicts in BCB.  And we’re reminded again of the carnival chapter when…

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH!

OH GOD!  I PICTURED IT AGAIN!  IT WON’T FUCKIGN LEAVE!  NO! STOP! PLEASE STOP FUCKING BRINGING THAT SHIT UP!  IT DIDN’T HAPPEN IT DIDN’T HAPPEN IT DIDN’T HAPPEN IT’S NOT CANON NOT CANON NOT CANON NOT CANON NOT CANON!

I am right there with you Paulo…

Why does Ms. Vera torture us like this?  Why can’t she just write a main character who is likeable, healthy, and stable, who makes sense?  Why must she tease us with this false idol of a character whom we once loved, cared about, and worshipped?  Were we not good enough?  Have we not suffered enough?  Where did we go wrong?

But finally, finally, Lacey shows some fucking remorse in seeing how her absence, and actions have affected the ones she cared about, as Paulo slinks away a sobbing mess.

Leaving Lacey to stand there, looking at the damage she has done and silently reevaluate where she stands in all of this.  A powerful scene that plants the seed for what should be inner turmoil in Lacey’s character that will no doubt follow her in the future…

Okay, that’s the last fake out I promise.  But for real, the first time I read this scene this ending felt weird.  Like, Paulo slinking away saying “Fuck it, I get it. It’s a lost cause, nevermind you obviously don’t care about how I or anyone feels.” is a very strong note, but it gets undercut by these last two almost pitifully spiteful panels.  It’s like the same problem I had with the previous scene, in that the ending is not as strong as the rest of the scene deserved it to be.  

But even though that is a strong enough note to end on, we are not done yet it seems as Daisy meets up with Paulo again to talk about what just happened.  The subject ends up turning back to Lucy, and Augustus but…

Paulo doesn’t tell Daisy about her hanging out with Augustus.  I guess to save face, and not upset her but honestly I don’t care enough about this to dig too deep.  There’s been 3 big scenes I’ve had to talk about here already, I don’t have the mind to care about this either.  

But anyway, the chapter ends with Paulo denouncing the false prophet Lucy and again setting sail on that Paulo X Daisy ship.   And that is the end.

So all in all, this chapter for what it is, is at least seemingly progressing these conflicts by bringing them to the forefront once more.  We’re again acknowledging Mike’s unstable relationship with Sandy, which has now reached a boiling point.  Lacey has finally had someone stand up and call her out for her flippant and cold nature. And Abbey has seemingly found a new home and is choosing to side with Jasmine to not let Paulo bother him so much.

Now the real question is: Will any of these progressions come up soon, or make a real difference in these characters for the better?

I give this chapter a 4/10. I would go lower, but it has promise and there were good points brought up.  I’d go higher, but it falls on its face at the end a few too many times.  We’ll just have to wait and see where it goes.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 232: Giant Bitchslap Arm

Previously on BnHA: Gigantomachia woke up and started ninja-running toward Aichi prefecture. Then all of a sudden we cut to Hawks just chilling on an Osaka rooftop with a bag. Everyone was like, “whoa, Hawks, what are you doing in this arc?” Hawks was all “well I’ll show you” and then he had a flashback where he fucking murdered Best Jeanist, probably, and everyone was like “um, hey, what the actual fuck” and Hawks was like “well you asked” and we were all filled with regret for having done so. Back in the Ol’ Villain City, Twice caught up with Tomura and Spinner and they were very happy to see him, and Tomura was like “so anyway we’re almost at Re-Destro’s tower and I can’t wait to fucking kill that guy” and the others agreed but they also worried that Tomura was too exhausted to keep this up much longer, and so Twice went on ahead to try and finish off RD on his own. The chapter ended up with Twice #241762-D arriving at the top of the tower to confront RD and rescue my boyfriend Giran.

Today on BnHA: Twice creates some clones of Tomura and the gang to help him out. Re-Destro then insta-kills one of the clones and tells Twice that he’ll kill Giran if Twice uses his quirk any more. He then makes his arm go all big and he just fuckin’... [gestures wildly] WHIPASH!! and just smacks them all to death, and then he goes over to where Giran is and gets ready to kill him while he and Twice are having a moment. Thankfully the not-quite-dead-yet Tomura clone intervenes, and as he fights him, Re-Destro launches into a big villain monologue about the Mother of Quirks, a.k.a. the mother of the first superpowered child to ever be born. Long story short, that baby grew up to be Destro, and his mom was all “please be kind to him and let him live in peace!” and so they fucking killed her because people are terrible. As RD is wrapping up his story and about to kill the clone Tomura, the real one reaches the tower and is all, “TOUCH!!!” This is the single most badass thing anyone has ever done, and the chapter ends with a wobbly Tomura confusedly interrogating an enraged Re-Destro while “We Will Rock You” by Queen plays in the background omfg.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity immediately afterward, and added one or two ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

so this happened again

listen here my anonymous friend, thank you for not spoiling me, but I do have to say that if your goal was to have me once again approach this chapter in stark terror, mission accomplished lol

here’s how it’s gonna go. I’ve got a mirror, and we’re gonna use it to cautiously peek around corners before clicking to the next page, and from what I understand that should protect us from being instantly killed by Horikoshi’s murderous basilisk glare. the characters, on the other hand, well...

what kind of sound effect is this

glomp glomp? are these Horikoshi sound effects? does he know his little Twice clones are making enthusiastic hugging sounds?? and yet this is oddly in character though

also it looks like he’s cloning at least one Tomura and Dabi! so that should be fun. we get to see RD presumably murder them all on this little test run, and then they’ll hopefully have a better idea of how to approach this on their second go-around

RD says he had a lot of guards down below, and he’s praising Twice’s quirk. well, his “superpower”, anyway

that was the title of this chapter, incidentally; “quirks and superpowers.” I do vaguely wonder why they’re so insistent on using different terminology for it, and I wonder if there’s an actual reason for that

anyway so now Jin is yelling at the clones that they’re clones. so it’s okay if they die and stuff. lol. I’m sure that makes them feel a whole lot better

you guys this is fucking amazing though

I wonder if this Tomura is less sleep-deprived? also, Twice duplicated the hands as well! that’s something that was pointed out to me a little while ago, back when they were fighting Gigantomachia. this actually seems a bit iffy to me now that we’ve been reminded that he needs to understand the details of something in and out before he can copy it. like, he couldn’t copy the quirk-be-gone bullets because he didn’t know how they worked. but somehow he knows how these hands work though??

or maybe he doesn’t, and these hands don’t actually work like the Real Deal hands. that’s probably the case actually. so anyways I wonder if this Tomura will act a little different. I’m probably overthinking this to the extreme lol

and Twice and Dabi are making the exact same joke I made three paragraphs earlier about “that should make them feel a whole lot better.” get your own material you assclowns

last but not least, lol at him having to reiterate his tale of bravely overcoming past trauma yet again to Compress because he missed the whole story. poor Compress, all confused and out of the loop. I wonder if Twice duplicated his robot arm. it’s hard to tell in the picture whether it’s missing or he’s still just in the process of creating it

oh shit

heh. it’s possible Jin has not thought through the potential long-term consequences of this little undertaking at all sob. but that’s a problem for future Twice! right now current Twice has more important things to deal with, like kicking Re-Destro’s ass

yeah, you see, he’s all “don’t worry about that right now” and presumably tucking that whole notion away someplace in the back of his mind to be properly fucked up by later on. as anyone with ADHD can tell you that’s clearly the best way to deal with all of your problems

-- oh shit and it looks like this particular Twice doesn’t really need to worry about that anymore in any case

what is it with people in this manga being decapitated lately. who hurt you Horikoshi

uh, so. hey

are they?? they fucking outnumber you by a ton. though as you’ve just ably demonstrated, that doesn’t necessarily mean anything

fuck. okay let’s pause this for a sec to get our bearings here. so a bunch of clone Twices have RD cornered with a clone Dabi, Tomura, and Compress, all of whom have their own quirks, but presumably weaker versions of them. they’re also each basically one hit point away from a swift death, which is definitely something to consider

meanwhile RD has just the one of him, but possesses an unknown quirk, and does not seem to be at all fazed by the current situation which is a bit unnerving. oh yeah, and he does still have a hostage, though, if the others insist on taking their sweet time to go and untie my boy Giran. yeah. so that part’s also not good. dammit Twice untie him already

SHIT

MOTHERFUCKING -- OKAY JIN, LISTEN UP, NORMALLY I’D TELL YOU TO CALL HIS BLUFF, BUT A LITTLE MOUSE (ETA: referring to poor dead Miyashita, not the anon from earlier! I only just realized how that could possibly be read as being weirdly passive aggressive or something and that’s not the case! sorry anon!) INFORMED ME THAT THIS GUY DOESN’T ACTUALLY FUCKING PLAY AROUND, THOUGH. I HAVE A FEELING HE CAN AND WILL DO EXACTLY WHAT HE’S PROMISING, SO PLEASE TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY OMG I DON’T WANT YOU TO HAVE ANOTHER FRIEND’S DEATH ON YOUR CONSCIENCE AFTER WHAT HAPPENED WITH MAGNE

sob. where’s that mirror omg

okay... and we’re cautiously clicking forward... and good, Jin looks appropriately shook

maybe a little too shook. look I didn’t mean for you to just immediately freeze and surrender though, guy

aww but Tomura’s reassuring him

yes but as I already explained, you’re all technically one love tap away from the sweet embrace of death here while he’s at full power. it’s iffy dude. idk. I really like that you immediately spoke up to comfort your bro though! the League of Gentle Hearts continues to warm my soul

oh my god but seriously look at them

even Dabi is getting in on the friendship action. even if I’m not quite sure how he intends to not burn Giran to death along with RD lol. but at least his heart’s in the right place

-- oh shit

THEY LOOK SO WORRIED OMG AND LOOK WHERE RE-DESTRO IS STANDING

A COLD FUCKING CHILL JUST WENT DOWN MY SPINE OH GOD NO I’M NOT READY FOR THIS. I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU TOUCH A HAIR ON HIS SEXY GRAY HEAD I WILL WREAK VENGEANCE ON YOU SUCH AS THE WORLD HAS NEVER SEEN, AS SOON AS I’M DONE SOBBING MY FUCKING EYES OUT

SOB I DON’T WANT TO TURN THE PAGE. THE MIRROR ISN’T WORKING. HORIKOSHI IS A SADISTIC FUCK WHO HAS NO QUALMS ABOUT KILLING OFF EVERYONE I LOVE. BEST JEANIST, GIRAN, THE DOG. EVERYONE!!

SOBBB NOOO --

WHAT THE CHRISTING FUCK

OH MY GOD NO PUT IT AWAY!! HORIKOSHI KOUHEI I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON’T STOP RIGHT NOW!! I MEAN IT YOUNG MAN!!

SOB HE’S DRAWING IT OUT FOR ALL IT’S WORTHHHHHH I CAN’T I’M NOT PLEASE WHY

FUCK YOU AND YOUR COMEDIC INSERTION OF FOUR ADDITIONAL TWICE REACTION PANELS YOU PITILESS BASTARD!!

NOOOOOOOOOOO

THE BASILISK APPROACHES, GIRAN IN ITS SIGHTS!!

OH SHIT

holy -- fucking -- I don’t even

wow

well that all went down fucking spectacularly

looooool. okay, time to move on to plan B guys. bring on the indestructible mountain man. let Tomura have his “I have an army!” / “we have a Hulk” moment

so is Giran even still alive, or did he get caught up in all of that. lol I’m just fooling. of course he’s still alive, Horikoshi is going to drag out my torture for this entire arc and make it really slow and excruciating

yeah whatever. they have a hulk. just you wait

and some of the dying Twices are glomping over to Giran to make sure he’s okay, naturally. because my feels were briefly spared for a single fucking panel and we can’t have that, no ma’am!

HAHAHA WHY

THESE FEELS, MY GOD. WHATEVER!! JUST LEAVE ME HERE TO DIE THEN!!

JESUS CHRIST, HERE I WAS SHIPPING TOGAWICE LIKE ANYTHING, AND THEN HORIKOSHI COMES ALONG ALL “BUT ARE YOU SURE YOU WEREN’T ACTUALLY SHIPPING GIRANTWICE THIS WHOLE TIME” AND FUCK ME, HE’S FUCKING RIGHT

GIRAN IS SMILING SO SOFTLY MOMENTS BEFORE HIS LIKELY DEATH, AND I’M ABOUT TO PERISH IN A TYPHOON OF EMOTION. GIRAN IF I COULD LEAP IN THERE AND TAKE THE BLOW FOR YOU I WOULD

YOU GUYS HERE IT COMES. IT’S BEEN NICE KNOWING YOU ALL. LET’S ALL HOLD HANDS AND WAIT IN HELPLESS TERROR LIKE IN TOY STORY 3

and Twice makes sure Giran’s not alone at the end though. god I’m about to lose it for real though, shit

-- !!!!!!!!!!

(ETA: lmao I love that it’s making a “TCH” sound. like that hand is so done with his bullshit.)

what THE FUCK TOMURA ARE YOU SERIOUS?!! I WAS ALL SET TO GO ALL “OH HAPPY DAGGER” HERE AND THEN YOU TURN UP TO SAVE THE DAY WHAT IS HAPPENING

WHAT IS THIS CRAZY ADRENALINE RUSH AHAHA. DON’T BE FOOLED, THAT IS RALPH WIGGUM “I’M IN DANGER!” LAUGHTER THOUGH

but wow, so yeah. feels postponed. fucking deferred, motherfucker. FIRST WE GET OUR FIGHT ON

oh hey! funny you should mention! cuz it’s just that he’s been trying to prove said worth for the last six weeks! so if you could provide some convenient way for him to actually do that, that would actually be great. Machia is a harder sell than Simon fucking Cowell, so

oh, he’s still talking

actually this is super interesting to me omg. also that’s really fucked up. poor Damien! he didn’t do anything! all he did was glow a bit, what is wrong with people

(ETA: I have been informed by many kind people that Destro is not in fact the glowy baby Damien from China lol. I got kinda mixed up there lol.)

probably cuz they killed her

yep

yeah that seemed to be where that was leading. society is predictably fucked up, etc. that poor lady

this has nothing to do with anything, but I just want to throw it out there that I would kill to read an AU with the 1-A kids set in this time period roughly 200 years earlier where they have to hide their quirks for fear of being killed over them, and they’re all just doing their best and growing up scared and traumatized and some of them are bitter at the world and others are hopeful of one day making it a better place. oh my god. “makeste, that’s just an X-Men AU” you point out and oh my god you’re right. that means it probably already exists oh shit. I need to go on another fic binge

anyway

Tomura is all “yeah I know history too” and making me feel bad. some of us didn’t grow up in this universe, Tomura

Tomura just let the man talk, I need more worldbuilding stuff for my AU headcanons

you’d think that the Army would be embracing the word “quirks”, then? this woman seems like the type of martyr figure they ought to be all over. I guess there’s more to the story and I should take my own advice and shut up and let him finish

oh

I see, so they associate the government’s use of the word “quirk” with their oppression. idk, I feel like they ought to be trying to reclaim it then. but whatever

so he’s wrapping up now

oh!!

his mother?!

DESTRO WAS THE SON OF THE MOTHER OF QUIRKS? DESTRO WAS DAMIEN?!  holy shit!!

so that means RD is descended from the original quirk bloodline! yooooo I did not see that coming at all. no wonder the rest of the Army reveres him

anyway but now the interesting part is over and he’s moving on to crazed ranting

whatever you say buddy. how did you wind up with Giant Bitchslap Arm powers if your great-great-granddad was just some dumb glowing kid though

oh now he’s getting all pompous

I’m sorry I didn’t realize having a long and tragic family history was a prerequisite for kicking ass. though if it is. may I interest you in the horrific saga of the Shimura family, though. this so-called street punk has quite his own tale of woe actually

oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

(⚆_⚆) [sits up straighter]

AHHHH THEY’RE SAVING HIM!!

YOU GO LEAGUE!! YOU GOT THIS!!

AHHHHHHH

!!!!! THEN TELL HIM TO SUIT UP

oh shit wait I think he might be talking about Actual Tomura and not Gigantomachia! even better!!

OH HEY THAT’S A NICE TOWER YOU HAVE THERE. IT SURE WOULD BE A SHAME IF SOMEONE... PATTED IT GENTLY

LOOOOOOOOOOL YESSSSSSSSSSSS

(❛ӧ❛三❛ӧ❛)

YESSSSSSSSS!!!!!

LMAO HE’S ACTUALLY BARELY KEEPING IT TOGETHER THOUGH AND IT’S THE BEST. “WAIT... YOU’RE THE GUY... BUT SHOULDN’T YOU BE... BUT WAIT WEREN’T YOU IN...?”

SO NOW IT’S ON BOTH EYES, EH? GOING FULL RORSCHACH UP IN THIS BITCH. WELL WHATEVER. I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW I’M HIGH ON THE ADRENALINE OF HAVING HAD THE FEAR OF GOD PUT INTO ME AND BEING RESIGNED TO ANOTHER CHAPTER OF HEADS BEING REMOVED FROM WHERE THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO BE, ONLY FOR HORIKOSHI TO BE ALL “PSYCH!! I STILL LOVE YOU!” AND HAVE MR. RIGHTFUL HEIR COME UP AND FUCK UP RD’S SHIT OMG. AND I STILL SHIP GIRANTWICE!! AND GIRAN’S STILL ALIVE SOMEHOW AGAINST ALL ODDS OH MY GOODNESS

ohhhhh man. well, time to place your bets then people. who would win:

one megalomaniacal balding CEO with a giant arm who talks too much but has like an army and shit

One Sleepy Boi

hahaha. well, Tomura? time to get that worth fucking measured, then, kid

[akatokuro]

The Inevitable StS Rewatch, Episode 36

One of the most truly pressing issues in Saint Seiya canon: why the fuck is Milo like this?

- I SEE THAT SAGA SENSED THAT AIOLOS WAS TAKING A BATH, SO HE FELT THE NEED TO JUMP IN TOO! and thus a meme was born

- Uhhhh, Saga? I know you probably had a crush on Aiolos at all, but... really, dude? ????????

- AND HEEEERE HEEEEE ISSSSSSSS

- Milo's ridiculous ego is on full display the second he opens his fucking mouth. No "what's going on, Pope?" or "How may I serve you?" but "WOW, POPE, FOR YOU TO SUMMON A GOLD SAINT! (DID I MENTION I'M A GOLD SAINT, BECAUSE I AM.)

- MILO. ALL HE FUCKING DID WAS ASK IF YOU KNEW ABOUT THE SITUATION. What is the need for you to add "heh, not that I care, since I'm so awesome, just so you know!" Yes, a lot of Gold Saints have pretty overinflated egos - yume and I actually thought about it, and we're pretty sure Camus is just about the ONLY one who doesn't pull some form of smug "heh, a Bronze trying to fight a Gold? lmao, and also, rofl" but Scorpio Milo is... something else.

- Ikki working for Sanctuary at first still feels really weird and ill-fitting. Well, fortunately, it's not really dwelled on that much, so it's easily ignored! That's one of the good things about there being no real Saint Seiya canon... <_<

- In a way, though, it is certainly fitting that Milo's scene here is our first proper introduction to a "Gold Saint", because Milo certainly thinks he is THE Gold Saint in a lot of ways. It drips from the way he responds to everything. "Measly Bronze Saints, they must be crazy, lol!" It's actually really interesting to think he was originally planned to be Hyouga's master. Like, in some ways that really fits - Smugswan had to get the smug and the overinflated sense of ego from somewhere, and it sure as hell wasn't Camus!

- It's also sort of interesting because Kurumada pulled the switcheroo on the basis of "oooh, ice/water themed signs, oooh!" But even at this stage, Milo definitely has a very, very different personality than Marshmallow Saint Camus. What would he and Hyouga's hypothetical encounter have looked like, really...?

- I'm not trying to imply, by the way, that Milo's sense of egotism is solely about straightforwardly boosting himself up - because it's not. It's intertwined with his perception of Saint honor and what it means to him to embody that, which becomes clear in how he deals with Camus, Hyouga, and Kanon respectively later on. It's also intertwined with a negative five thousand debuff to his intelligence stat, but, you know.

- I love Saga just sort of ignoring Milo going WHAT? A BRONZE BEATING A SILVER? RIDICULOUS, I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF SUCH A THING! and continuing to exposit. Saga, why the fuck did you summon Milo of all people here to deal with this in the first place? I mean, not only would leaning on Aphrodite, Deathmask, or even Shura make infinitely more sense, but... it's fucking Milo. Did your bath-bonding with Aiolos rattle your judgment temporarily?  

- And right back at him, Milo basically brushes aside poor Saga's exposition to go "ARE YOU SERIOUSLY BOTHERING THE GREAT KONO MILO WITH THIS BULLSHIT, POPE? REALLY??? KONO MILO, THE GOLD SAINT???"

- Saga begins to realize his terrible, terrible mistake and cuts off Milo in the middle of his bitching, but Milo ignores him to continue whining.

- See, it'd be one thing if Milo suggested that the situation bore more investigation, or perhaps these Bronze Saints were being misled so they shouldn't be so fast to jump to the execution option, but no. It's all about his fucking pride.

- Saga is getting so edgy and short at this point and oh my god I cannot believe Milo is still fucking trying to argue with him THIS IS THE FUCKING POPE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

- Like, yume and I utterly lost our fucking minds at Milo blowing off Athena to haze Kanon when we were re-watching the Hades OAVs, but oh god it is extremely fucking consistent with this characterization here

- Poor Saga. "LOOK, THEY HAVE A FUCKING GOLD CLOTH, OKAY!?!? JESUS CHRIST WHY THE FUCK DID I NOT GET APHRODITE TO DO THIS"

- okay okay i know it's because lol seat of the pants kurumada making shit up as he went along and was promptly retconned out because it makes no sense but i will never stop laughing at milo being shocked that there are twelve gold saints. WHAT??? NOT JUST SCORPIO AND SAGITTARIUS???? WHO WOULD HAVE EVER GUESSED???? THEY COME IN, LIKE, A SET????

- Kanon pretending he's Sea Dragon is the funniest moment in Saint Seiya, but Milo's spectacular intelligence debuff is also a consistent point of hilarity.

- Shaina's crush on Seiya might be, like, one of my least favorite things in StS seriously. It's so unnecessary and it IS basically a pitch-perfect example of that "behind the ruthless, frightening female warrior lies ~the soft heart of a woman~ that only the dreamy male protagonist can truly uncover!" trope that I fucking despise with all my being.

- yume and I were cracking the fuck up to discover that the Tencent version of this sequence has Seiya bringing up the Saintias when Shaina explains the mask issue. Like, my issues with Saintia Sho as a series aside, that's just really adorable.

- The mask issue in general... there are really interesting things that you could do with it, both for Sainthood in general and for Shaina as an individual (the vibe I get is that Shaina takes it unusually seriously, even though it is accepted as a general rule) since it feels like sort of a mark of sexism that would be a part of an old, traditional, religious order - but I can't say I'm a fan of any attempts so far in the series to "address" it. Omega was a thing, and that thing was Bad.

- "Kill or love" is pretty bullshit, though. How about "kill or be expelled from Sanctuary"? I also don't really like Seiya being all "what, is that the only reason?" when he thinks it's about humiliation/pride - like, what's wrong with that? It makes sense with how Shaina has been characterized...

- this flashback is so fucking stupid

- OH NO, SEIYA, YOU SAW ME PET A RABBIT WHEN YOU WERE A LITTLE KID AND I WAS A TEENAGER AND THUS YOU HAVE UNLOCKED MY SOFT WOMAN'S HEART! I bet Seiya fucking tried to jump a high bar, too, as every single woman from the Fate franchise happened to be strolling by?

- Like, Shaina, did you fall in love with this little kid who talked down to you then or... because uhhh...

- Also, like, yeah, it's Saint Seiya, and "pulled things out of my ass" and "retconned" are the name of the game, but come on, there was no indication of this kind of past in all the screentime Shaina has had up until this point. Wasn't her grudge against him regarding Marin and Cassios and being defeated by him in battle enough? Do we really have to enforce her ~femininity~ that Seiya ~exposed~ too? Ugh ugh ugh.

- Whatever, I really do like Shaina, this garbage aside. It's just a shame we fell back on this dumb trope of all things to justify her transition into one of the good guys when it was wholly unneeded.

- Aaaand we're back to Milo and Saga. I love how the framing of this episode implies that Saga has been sitting there having to explain things very slowly to Milo all fucking day. Gonna need another bath to unwind after this shit, Gemini.

- HAVE I MENTIONED, POPE, THAT I AM A GOLD SAINT, AND THUS I AM AMAZING? I'M NOT SURE YOU KNEW. LET ME MENTION IT AGAIN. I'M A GOLD SAINT, BY THE WAY.

- And Lia enters the scene!

- Okada made this an explicit issue in Episode G, but the contrast between fully-decked-out-in-his-Cloth "have I mentioned in the last five minutes that I am a Gold Saint, preen preen" Milo and Lia--who strolls in WITHOUT his Cloth, just his regular training clothes - is really striking.

- Milo's face when Lia comes in... hmmm...

- I don't think Saga, like, actively made a point of or went out of his way to play ~mind games~ with Aiolia or anything, but this is definitely a deliberate passive-aggressive diss. The kind you would give when it's like, ah yes, I ruined this kid's life, let me just innocuously twist the knife a little here...

- You really can understand why Aiolia is as fucking mad and as fucking repressed as he is, from the dressed-up hostility coming from both sides in this whole amazing shitstorm.

- This is... an amazing moment. "What if I still wanted Milo to go?" "Eh, I'd kick his fucking ass." And Milo's EXCUSE ME!?!?! reaction lmfaooooo

- You can just sense the stony bitterness coming off of Lia here, though? This is a dangerous game to play, considering the whole rule about "no duels between Saints." Just the sheer dismissiveness of it, too. Just as Saga gets in his passive-aggressive digs against Aiolia, Lia gets his in against... Milo, lol?

- And Milo starts trying to argue with the Pope AGAIN and Saga finally just tells him to shut the hell up. Saga confirmed for legitimately impressive patience honestly.

- God, and Lia just leaves once he gets the confirmation. I LOVE that Aiolia went through this whole thing since coming in without saying a single fucking word to Milo or sparing him more than a glance. Please, just ask this man about his opinion of Scorpio Milo, I’m begging you.

- MILO FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

- And Saga is the one who points out that, BECAUSE of his history and his relation to Aiolos, he has a compelling reason to work on this case in particular. Milo just stops at HOW COULD YOU RELY ON HIM HE HAS TRAITOR'S BLOOD. The intelligence debuff is real.

- But, yeah, you can tell Lia has cause to be as cold, dismissive, and passive-aggressive towards Milo as he was. They... they do not have a good relationship.  

- It legitimately boggles my mind how there is a weird semi-common fanon about Milo and Lia being close friends, or Milo being this great guy who was so supportive of him. I've run across it multiple times in my hunts for cute fanart or interesting discussion, and I feel like I'm staring at an incomprehensible alien entity every time. Like. Where did you get that. How did. The characterization we get from both of them indicates the exact opposite. I would not be remotely surprised if Aiolia, as bitter and angry as he truly is, is going to hold a grudge against Milo until the end of time, long after Milo has forgotten about it.

- Rather than being his friend, Milo is literally the ONLY Gold Saint we see actually giving Aiolia shit for being a traitor's brother. Like I mentioned back in the Silver Saint scene with Aiolia, yume and I actually talked about this - since she is a raving Aiolia fan and all - about the possible sources of Lia's torment from his peers. The shitty Silver Saints, yes, and Deathmask, yes, because he's actively malicious in general, but he wouldn't be rubbing it in because he actually cares or thinks Lia having "traitor blood" actually means something. MILO sure does, though!

- Milo is prideful, often in shallow ways, and incredibly overbearing about that pride, thinking he has the right to lecture and judge and override others, including Athena herself. There is like literally no question in my mind that he is friends with Camus because Camus is basically the only person who knows him who will actually tolerate him.

- Milo: "Hmm, lots of people don't trust the Pope, and no one has seen his face. WHAT COULD IT MEAN??? welp back to my temple wonder what camus is up to"

- "Brother, I will make up for your sin, even if I have to sacrifice my life!" with a thousand-yard stare. Aiolia, you really, really need some therapy, badly...

- Man, I was gonna cover more episodes with this writeup, but it ends up I had a lot of ranting bottled up about GOD MILO WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. Oh well. Next time, Aiolia continues to have serious, serious psychological problems! A good time is had by all!

[almasidaliano]

Here’s the thing about Religion:

so i'm not religious. i am spiritual. to each's own, whatever you believe in, im simply happy you believe in something.

i grew up christian, i guess. uh baptist, ame, and non denominational. resonated most with non demoninational, even gave sermon when i was 15. and i loved it, truly. church is what threw me for a loop the most in religion, and members of the congregation. it's like hard to want to follow something when followers aren't people you would imagine when you think "Christ-like" you know?

i have always been skeptical about christianity. about religion in general really. so you talk to god and he hears you and he gets back to you with a signal or sign, a blessing or a lesson etc. very seldom people go through these experiences where they have truly heard the voice of God or seen some silohuette or something. its all about faith. and that wasn't the issue. "walk by faith not by sight" right? okay. it was the discrimination. the way people take it upon themselves to condemn others. the amount of sins people commit by simply having a judgemental conversation in a holy building is beyond me. the way the pastors feed off of the congregation. churches should be tax exempt meaning they are getting plenty to sustain their building from the government. why is the congregation dropping money in collection plates?

tides and offerings. paying dues. what about buying food for someone who was hungry? or simply giving some money to someone in need? why is it you go through your week being christ like giving tides and offerings selfishly whole heartedly, just to come to church and twice maybe three times a collection plate goes around while the pastor giving some motivational speech about how he know you got it; knowing you probably don't so to speak.

the most repetitive thing in the bible is not to judge and christians have got to be some of the most judgemental people i have ever known. when it comes to religion so many believers want to passively play god. they want to decide who is worth saving and who is condemned, who is living right, and what they need to be doing with their life. and that is not their job nor their place. you love thy neighbor. it never said unless xyz. no. simply love thy neighbor. it means be kind. love can be passive. it's treating humans like humans and not animals. common decency; which like common sense is less than common.

each religion has like its commandments you know those clear set of rules. i personally never thought these were things that needed to be clarified on the do not do list, however society. when you really break it down though, it is simple. be a good person. don't steal, don't kill. don't commit adultry (being loyal and faithful). etc. there are hundreds of stories in the bible. each open for each individual's interpretation.

if the title of the Creator is God then God is a woman. male and female exist yes i just think there is a little bit left off to the story. if there's a battle of the sexes women are the superior. first, there's father time and mother nature. time is a construct, it does not actually exist. ashes to ashes dust to dust. we all come from the earth.

see how the white man created a male god and sent his male son to save us all. "this is a man's world" (the Devil is a white man. and God is a black woman.) that is true, why? because Earth is the Devil's playground. what is so crazy is that the devil is this symbol of desire and guilty pleasures, rebellion and such and here we have the power to choose. life is about experiences. thinking for yourself doesn't make you a menace, how else do you learn? self knowledge is the best knowledge.

the Nation of Islam, is the prominent black religion. Catholicism and Scientology are the most prominent white religions. Catholicism enables sodomy and pedophilia. Scientology is a tax exempt cult, pretty much controlling the media and lowkey the United States. the Nation partnered with them and have been getting some heat from it, however i think they are trying to take it down. as time has progressed, everyone has gotten smarter. talk about a trojan horse.

Scientology and Catholicism kind of rule the country. all the many branch religions from catholicism just get ranked under that, however those two mainly. Scientology is a full blown brainwashing cult. they are the abusive partner in a domestic violence situation. most religion is. it's like religion or life. religion or family. religion or you know? more division. Scientology is more extreme in the sense that they really have policies and such enforced behind the rules and expectations. However, the same dynamic is kind of true for other religions. people get shunned and become estranged from their families frequently due to religious disagreements. it is truly disheartening because if someone is supposedly lost and you are their loved one, or simply a member of the following, why wouldnt you keep supporting them in the sense of like love companionship an ear to listen. instead, they force people to choose between trusting themselves and trusting their religion.

if your religion makes you question yourself take a look at it. you may be fucking up, you may not. however, blind trust will lead you off a cliff. almost all if not all religions talk about Jesus in one way or the other. there is truth in everything see? the Bible says its blasphemy to read another holy text. i want to find a Bible in the original script before people came with their intentions and made it what they wanted.

let's talk homosexuality for a moment. now i dont know how other religions work, however in christianity, christians love to condemn a homosexual. first thing, WHAT DOES WHO SOMEONE ELSE LOVES HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ANY OUTSIDER? nothing. nothing at all. it has never been anyone's place to tell someone who they can and cannot love. there are scriptures, however they talk about pedetry and sodomy, rape, and male prostitution. crazy thing, it speaks a lot about males not committing homosexual acts but im pretty sure only comes up once about women and the topic was still men.

here's what i think: like i said god is a woman. so if the stories still hold true, humans were created right? so male and man have prefixes. these are word parts that come before. adding these prefixes creates woman and female. in that, i feel as though women were here first. (probably considering all babies start as females and then whilst developing testes drop or don't.) men cannot carry children, they don't have the nutrients in their bodies, they too have nipples however they don't produce milk. men were created as a tool. like a whole ass donor or carrier. men do not like to be "second in command". they feel like in order to be a man and wear the pants, they must do all the providing while a woman does the nurturing. whereas women are multifaceted and great at multitasking. men are constantly thinking like squirrels trying to get nuts. that's all they are here for lol. women could rule the world.

toats just a random theory: what if eve eating the apple and gaining knowledge was the knowledge of true love. like what if shorty realized she aint love dude they were just made for each other lmao. like men are here for reproduction. and to help when a woman's hand are full. i mean like they are in the garden and shit all happy and shit then shorty eat the apple give it to dude and they like oh no we naked. so they go find bushes and leaves and make some lil clothes or coverings. its the knowledge of good and evil so what if their union was evil lol in the sense of bad. like they get caste out stay together have two sons and one kill the other on some hateful envious shit. men provoke violence and evil. they are so prideful. so its like men love women, because they were made to help repopulate and to some extent protect. that's why men think with their dick heads. maybe that's why homosexuality is a "sin" or they try and press the issue; because of rape and sodomy. also, in effort to keep women unhappy since men were too. like it says man and man shouldn't be together, blatantly. not woman. man. because it was unconsensual, and they are here for reproduction so they kinda wasting product getting off elsewhere if you know get what i am saying. lol its a loose theory just popped in my head. however, it kind of makes sense. this lifetime we learning and experiencing things. at the beginning of the lifetime there was woman and then male was created with the tools needed to procreate. as life progressed, there are now ways for same sex female couples to have children. currently only girls can be born due to the lack of "Y" chromosome, however in due time. it is still presently possible for a child have two birth mothers in the present. that is what life is for, the condension of One Sound Consciousness (basically the big bang except not how they described it.). the condension of the Consciousness means when the Creator decided on this lifetime and created every single thing in it us included in order to experience each and every part of their creation. the Creator knows all, can create all, however has not experienced all; that is what lifetimes are for. the experience. the knowledge gained.

always trust the vibes. energy never lies. your body is a radar. you must protect your peace. meditation is like prayer, except broader. in my opinion you let go of so much weight and you gain so much clarity. do not stop believing. always believe in something. mainly yourself. if nothing else. the things that you eat matter too.  there are religions against eating pork, all slaves had was pig parts and pig's food. personally, i think it strengthened our bodies against more diseases and such like made us immune.

religion is simply something to believe in. spirituality is actuality. energy is undeniable. you can feel vibrations. and if you can't open your third eye because you are sleep and we need to be woke. we are superhuman. we have superpowers. for centuries, we have been under a curse of mental slavery. (sound familiar? this is why our ancestors laid down and took it. this is why my melanated friends still laying down and taking it.

having faith supposed to make you stop being afraid to die. so do yall not actually believe in something? because i get (ish) in general not wanting to die if you can help it. however, what part of the life you living is worth living truly? if you sat down and looked at the cards you were dealt, could you honestly say "nah im good, it could be worse ima ride it out." or some shit? would you truly rather live this life than fight for the life you want, the life you deserve and maybe die in the process? so what if they gone kill you anyway?

you know they out to kill us anyway. this is the land of the free and the home of the brave. you gotta be brave to be free. we caged or running the streets. "Ye though I walk throw the valley of the shadow of death i shall fear no evil-" trust yourself and give it to the universe.

We will prevail. We will prevail. We will prevail.

your God already knows your heart, learn yourself and fight like hell for peace, equality, and harmony.

-Almasi

[tamiddyinyourcity]

i forgot that the half-date me and patrick had a few nights after breaking up happened. we just talked and of course drew the conclusion of "yeah sexual attraction and bond is present, buuuuut dating is a bad idea", and took a walk around the lake, went to wingstop, and just talked idly and enjoyed each other's company. as if nothing bad happened.

i really did like this prick. i wouldve hoped me and him stayed in decent contact. (but honestly, i shouldn't keep blaming myself. like i said in the last call between me and that stupid ass hoe, a lot of our problems came from him hiding the truth in the absolute worst ways possible and his own cowardice.)

he always was too afraid of his own emotions. so i guess it did feel good when like, before we started actually dating before halloween, he just straight up told me about wanting to be with me like that..... idk. something nice about it. probably since it eas the exact day i was thinking "he keeps fucking tweeting while we hang out and seems super out of it, ive gotta move on", just for like 9 minutes later he asks if he should be as romantic as possible to impress me.

a sweet gesture. plus it was the smart indirect way of him avoiding the discomfort of "oh hey tamia i have romantic feelings for you and want to know if i am doing good at expressing it", since then its a simple yes or no, and he wouldve taken the hint.

idk, we had good bonds before.

anyway.

but, he was insistent that we were doomed. (i never believe things are doomed. I prefer optimism, only pussy ass hoes say shit is doomed instead of putting in the work to make shit better.)

and the signals were so..... off. Or like, me texting to ask for the candles and fireworks i left at his house back, and then he got super emotional about it and said hed hate a world where we never talked again. Fucking stupid ass oh well well well look what happened months later

And then well i got my shit, he helped drop me off at the mall, and pretty much did a 180 and said he didnt wanna see or speak to me for a long time..... in his defense, to get over me or to not get emotional thinking about the breakup. Which was really stupid, i hate when guys push down their emotions since he could be really eloquent when he opened up and when he wasnt pushing certain things down.

I really like(d) them, but jesus fucking christ i am still annoyed at them so much for everything.

......forgot about him. Talked to my ex, just for the sake of the talking again. It seemed a little sus, though. Like..... The universe just decided to have me break up with Patrick *right* as Blonde Patrick is in town? Wow.

I didn't wanna be an "its a sign" type bitch, but like..... idk, yknow?

plus well of course if the ex i was trying to get over was gonna close the door on me, then that does mean i can go see someone else.

Thaaaaaaaaaat date couldve gone better. I still am also mad at Other Patrick. (The reoccuring trend is that men named Patrick suck at voicing their concerns or feelings for women named Tamia, really.)

Since......

Patrick #1 made it impossible to talk. Talked about himself, but only about frat life. Talked passively about a girl he had fucked after I broke up with him for good, since he "stopped caring". (He was the type of dude that was super anti-sex-off-the-bat, and of course the time before then when we met up, he claimed to have attempted with two different women to have sex..... And couldn't, since he wasn't as attracted to them as he was with me. To be fair I think he just needed extensive time with them, but hey, still flattered that a dude liked me so much, that he got Erectile Dysfunction from it..... Odd flex, but alright.)

Didn't ask me shit about life.

And Patrick #2 had a similar problem.

I just loathe men that hate to have "hard talks". Especially if the initial bond between me and them is our ability to have easily flowing heavy talks. Jesus.

Just.....

I keep thinking about them both.

Sad that they're both done for good, but, shit happens man.

I've had too many relationships end poorly due to men's failure to communicate, respect, or even speak to me.

So many GLORIOUS bonds, GONE that fast, all since a man with testicles and a mouth wanted to pretend he had neither, and go fuck off.

God.

Peace out yalls.

[wyrmguardsecrets]

To people complaining about Blood Elf RP.

**MOD NOTE: Placing this under a cut because jesus christ dude this shit was fucking long**

Dear players who continually complain about Blood Elves,

I came to Wyrmrest Accord from a dead server, completely alone, no contacts, no friends. I was elated to find a Silvermoon that actually had people in it, I moved my priest over before my main and sat on the edge of the fountain in Silvermoon while alt tabbed finishing my last night of raiding with a guild before transferring my main.

I tabbed back in to jump and noticed there were people roleplaying at me. My first roleplay experience on Wyrmrest Accord. It was a pair of Orcs who had come to Silvermoon specifically to antagonize and hate on Blood Elves. So here my dude was, sitting there minding his own business, gazing at the fountain, and being the recipient of hostility. What made so little sense about it was that they were antagonizing my character because there are too many Blood Elves in Silvermoon. I think my character gave them a look as if they were wearing their pants on their head because that’s like going to France and complaining that too many people are speaking French.

Over the years I’ve witnessed a non-stop bombardment, mostly from Orcs, Trolls, and Undead, but from everyone to a lesser extent, hating me despite not even knowing me simply because when I made a Blood Elf Paladin in Burning Crusade I found I like playing Blood Elves. I like their animations, I like their jokes, I like their voice actor who was also responsible for playing many characters I enjoyed on television when growing up. I liked their background story, being a zombie apocalypse survivor for whom the ends justify the means is really cool. What kind of pain, what kind of suffering must this character have gone through? How has he coped? How does he think, how does his experiences shape him? Who has he lost? How has he survived? That’s some nifty lore.

But this hate has come from all sides and is constant. I see it on Forums, Tumblr, Facebook when I bothered, Discord, OOC in chat channels, IC by people who have decided to come to Silvermoon just to pick on the elves. It’s everywhere and it’s inescapable. I watch as almost daily RPer bashes people for playing elves. Every. Day.

I’ve begun to just see images of indignant children shouting in shrill voices, “STOP LIKING WHAT I DON’T LIKE” and “STOP NOT LIKING WHAT I LIKE” when I read complaints about Blood Elves. And no, it doesn’t matter how you frame it, it’s still complaining.

You can try to frame it as a “diversity” issue but when push comes to shove you aren’t paying for anyone else’s subscription so you don’t really have a say in what they play. You could go to Blizzard and demand that they put a limit on the number of one class you can play but I can tell you right now that they will never enact such a limit. In reality we will probably see further relaxation on race/class choices as time goes on. When Blood Elves can be shamans and druids my Horde roster will consist entirely of Blood Elves.

And before you start questioning why I play Horde if I just want to be pretty, I’m going to point out that I’ve been playing Horde for a long time, probably longer than you, since November of 2003. I remember what it was like before Blood Elves, I remember the massive faction imbalance that Blood Elves helped solve. I remember how much harder it was to do things like Blackwing Lair with Shamans instead of Paladins, how we were stuck with Resto Shamans having to heal while not having the best class set allocations while having priests dispel on Baron Geddon while Alliance had their Paladins cleanse and their priests heal. I remember having to learn to stance dance to get out of fears while tanking Magmadar while Alliance had fear ward. Blood Elves and Paladins coming to the Horde was the absolute best game balancing step Blizzard has EVER taken.

I remember after Majordomo, we’d all kill our characters and corpse run back to the raid to go kill Ragnaros. Everyone would get naked and hop on domo’s hotplate. Everyone but me. I couldn’t stand the look of my main naked, so I ate a repair bill so I didn’t have to look at the shriveled hunched body of a male troll as I ran naked across the Searing Gorge. The shape of the male troll reminded me of haunting photos I had seen of emaciated people (“Muselmänner”, living corpses) rescued from Auschwitz. Even though trolls are buff, their mass compred to their length and their posture was just too uncomfortabe. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe non-blood Elves aren’t everyone’s RP style, and sometimes for very good reasons?

I’ve seen a lot of complaints about Blood Elves that are homophobia driven. The males are too gay. Why yes, their voice actor is an openly gay voice acting legend, problem? Blizard actually made them ‘buffer’ than elves should be because of homophobia. To this day I think that having mildly pretty men by contrast to other men in the game triggers homophobia. Perhaps Blood Elves weren’t made for the straight male eye, perhaps they were made for the female eye. They were made for the queer eye. They were made because the Horde races lacked mass appeal, and their designs made it very hard for the average player to empathize or immerse themselves into these characters.

Do you have any idea how uncomfortable it is being made to think that everyone who doesn’t play a Blood Elf hates you just because you happen to play one? Can you imagine being the recipient of hate being your very first experience on this server? Oh I know you’re going to say, “It’s just IC” except for, it isn’t really. This hatred is a constant bombardment across mediums, this is self-insertion of the author’s opinion into characters in a way that makes no sense. Stop it.

Now here’s my point: You blame Blood Elf roleplayers for there not being enough of other things, you blame Blood Elves for the dearth of good guilds or communities that center around other Horde races. What race people choose to RP on WOW is not zero sum.

If this site had the ability to do pull quotes (where you take a sentence, separate it out with horizontal rules and make the text very big) I’d totally pull quote that. But I can’t so I’m going to repeat it a few times for emphasis.

What race people choose to RP on WOW is not zero sum.

What race people choose to RP on WOW is not zero sum.

What race people choose to RP on WOW is not zero sum.

What race people choose to RP on WOW is not zero sum.

The popularity of Blood Elves is not taking away from the creation of other guilds, groups, and communities. The popularity of Blood Elves is not taking players away from other guilds, groups, and communities.

Blood Elves are not the problem. Would you like to know what the problem is? Take those crooked little fingers you’re pointing and rotate them 180 degrees on the horizontal axis. Where are those fingers pointing? Why they’re pointing at you. YOU are the problem.

There. I said it. You are the problem. Every single person who is blaming people who RP Blood Elves for their problems, every person passive-aggressively screaming “STOP LIKING WHAT I DON’T LIKE,” every person denigrating people who RP Blood Elves as shallow, uncreative, unskilled, bland, superficial, in it for the ERP, boring, or whatever. You are the problem.

One more time. You are the problem. Yes you. If you yourself haven’t engaged in this behavior, then the behavior of others around you. When was the last time you told your Belf bashing friends to shut the fuck up? I bet you don’t like blanket statements being made about you but you sit by quietly while your friends do the same damn thing.

Players of non Blood Elves are to blame for the dearth of non Blood Elf RP, not Blood Elf Roleplayers. All y'all’s actions, your behavior, and your choices are the poison that has stunted your community growth.

When you people sit there and denigtate people who RP Blood Elves, you need to understand that other people are doing it too, and that if we’re listening we find a symphony of hate from theother side. I know why you do it, you’re hoping to discourage, to pressure, to force, to make Blood Elf RPers feel bad so they will decide to stop liking what you don’t like and start liking what you like so you can have more RP partners.

Except it doesn’t actually work that way. What you’re actually doing is painting yourselves as hostile and it makes people who main Blood Elves. It makes us think that if we decide to make an alt and go play with you, that you’re going to be hostile to us the moment you find out we main a Belf. This deters us from wanting to play with you. Why would we subject ourselves to such hostility?

I had a male orc prot warrior that I played as an argent aligned male orc prot paladin, a character with all of the ferocity and strength of an orc combined with a stalwart defender who may or may not actually be able to use the light. It was a fun character. I deleted it because I realized that I could never RP it among other orcs because I main a belf. I made a pair of male blood elf hunters intended to be dark ranger bards. 80s metal wailing manshees in undead elf bodies with red eyes, big hair, and sun lutes. But I realized that while the idea is cool and fun that undead RPers would likely hate my characters for having belf models let alone being male instead of female, even though manshees were added in Legion. I repurposed the characters into something else. While these things are weird and quirky, they’re examples of some of the ideas, possibly fun ideas, that non-Belf RPers lose out on when they constantly bombard other creative people with endless hostility.

The only non-Belf groups that I’ve ever seen try to reach out and engage others has been a group of really nice Tauren. If I was going to RP something other than a Bloof, I’d probably RP a Tauren because I’ve seen that there’s at least some circles of Tauren who likely won’t shit at me for maining a Belf. They’re doing it right. Learn from them.

No one will listen to the Blood Elf RPers’ critiques of what you all need to do and change. Change must come from the inside.

If you want to see things get better you need to start being excellent to each other, you need to be the change you want to see, and you need to quit yer bitchin’. Then you need to tell the people who are being passive aggressive, or outright aggressive, to people playing Blood Elves just because they’re playing Blood Elves, to have a nice glass of shut the fuck up.

Change comes from making a stand. Let me tell you that when these people start getting bombarded by a couple dozen scoldings from their peers for being a jackass they’re going to learn that it’s uncool and stop being a jackass. Then the community healing process can start. 

When hating on players for playing Blood Elves becomes uncool, then players who have decided that all y'all are hostile may consider trying to interact with you, put alts in communities, and help you grow and nurture your own communities.