#i wish Glenn was my hot dad. the kind of hot dad that my friends would always want to come over to my house just to see my hot dad

[felsicveins]

Dad moment

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

anyway. as a birthday gift for @peletiersdixon i dipped back into the scrap metal universe for a hot second to bring you all a tumblr exclusive oneshot. it’s technically an au bc it’s if gas gauge never happened, but i don’t know how an au of an au works (technically it would make this a non-za au of my non-za twd au that ended up having a za in it, asljfdsl), so let’s just not think too hard about it. also i got to use emojis!

hope you enjoy it, friend. ilu desperately, and happy birthday!

September 6th

(11:53p) -happy (official) birthday bb girl!!🎂-

(11:54p) //Thank you.//

(11:55p) -how does it feel 2 b 18?-

(11:56p) //Considerably similar to being 17.//

(11:57p) -ya but now ur an adult!-

(11:58p) //Seems arbitrary given that essentially nothing has changed about me from whom I was six minutes ago, but at least now I can vote or whatever.//

(11:59p) -thts the spirit-

(11:59p) -ilu so much n i cant believe ur so old-

(11:59p) -v proud of u n the person uve become-

(12:00a) //Thank you. I love you, too. Now please go take your sappy emotions and harass Jesse with them instead. Consider it a birthday present.//

(12:01a) -ur rite-

(12:01a) -not much abt u has changed-

(12:02a) //¯\_(ツ)_/¯//

(12:02a) -lol u lil shit-

(12:02a) -luv u-

(12:02a) //You already said that.//

(12:05a) -watch ur tone or i'll say it again-

(12:06a) //Go to bed, dad.//

(12:06a) //Thanks for the kind sentiments etc.//

(12:07a) -always-

(12:07a) -c u in the morning bb girl-

*

(11:53p) *Happy happy birthday to my first born! 🥳🥳🥳*

(11:53p) *18 years ago today you caused me excruciating pain and immense joy all in the span of a few seconds!*

(11:54p) //Seems about on brand.//

(11:54p) //Apologies for any damage done to your reproductive system whilst entering the world. Although I didn't have much say in it, so that's more on you than me.//

(11:55p) *That's alright, it's your brother who tried to kill me.*

(11:55p) *I love you both anyway.*

(11:55p) *How's 18 feeling?*

(11:56p) //Great. I just picked up a pack of cigarettes and a bunch of lotto tickets.//

(11:57p) *As long as you pay for your own lung cancer treatment and share any winnings then I'm cool with it.*

(11:57p) *Double chocolate fudge cake tomorrow?*

(11:58p) //Triple chocolate if you can manage it.//

(11:59p) *Noted and logged. Love you, sweet potato.*

(12:00a) //Love you, too, acorn squash. I'm going to finish this essay now.//

(12:01a) *Fair enough. I'll go fuss over your brother and leave you be.*

(12:02a) //You're going to leave me be? How'd you know exactly what I wanted this year??//

(12:03a) *Mother's intuition.*

(12:03a) *Smartass. ❤️*

*

(11:53p) >Happy birthday, Einstein! 🤓<

(11:53p) ~happy bird date, almost birthday twin!~

(11:53p) ~bread dump.~

(11:53p) ~bishop dalliance.~

(11:53p) ~happy thing, josie.~

(11:54p) //You realize your autocorrect problems could be fixed in about 30 seconds by just going into your settings and turning it off, right?//

(11:55p) ~yeah but after all these years? i'm kind of attached to it. it's who i am.~

(11:56p) //Unfortunate.//

(11:56p) >Don't take the joy of Glenn's autocorrect away from us, party pooper.<

(11:57p) //"Joy" seems subjective in this case, but alright.//

(11:57p) //Anyway, thank you for the birthday wishes, Uncle Rick. And thank you for whatever the fuck that was meant to be, Uncle Glenn.//

(11:58p) ~you're old now. are you feeling the weight of time pressing down upon you? how are your knees? your lower back?~

(11:59p) //So far so good.//

(12:00a) >Are your parents having a mental breakdown about you and your brother being legal adults?<

(12:00a) ~and by parents we mostly mean your father.~

(12:01a) //Very likely, but thankfully they're keeping it to themselves.//

(12:02a) ~for what it's worth, /i'm/ having a bit of a crisis over it.~

(12:02a) >Same.<

(12:03a) //Thank you in advance for also keeping it to yourself.//

(12:03a) //Go shower Jesse with attention now. He'll appreciate it more, and I have a paper to finish.//

(12:05a) >Love you, kid.<

(12:05a) ~seconded.~

(12:06a) //Love you, too. Goodbye.//

(12:07a) >I could cry from all the emotion in this group chat. 😢<

(12:07a) ~tell me about it. i'm practically bawling.~

(12:08a) //You silenced the chat//

*

(11:54p) //My first act as an adult is filing a petition with the courts to let me legally secede from this family. From you specifically.//

(11:53p) \\BIRTHDAY!! IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!! LOOK HOW OLD MY BIG SISTER IS SHE'S FUCKING ANCIENT!! WOOO!! PARTY PARTY PARTY!!!!!!🥳🎂❤️🎊🎉💓💝🥰\\

(11:55p) \\Liar. You'd never. You lurvv me. We were wombmates, that bonds unbreakable, so sucks to suck!\\

(11:56p) \\Btw have you opened your desk drawer yet?\\

(11:57p) //...No. Why?//

(11:58p) \\Birthday present. Do it do it do it!!!\\

(11:59p) //...//

(12:00a) //GODDAMNIT, JESSE.//

(12:00a) //I knew I shouldn't have trusted you.

(12:00a) //That scared the shit out of me.//

(12:00a) //Literal sparks flew.//

(12:00a) //How'd you even get a party popper to go off like that?//

(12:01a) \\I will never tell you my secrets.\\

(12:02a) //Just for that I'm not going to tell you happy birthday.//

(12:02a) \\Nooo! You have to!\\

*

September 7th

(12:03a) -happy birthday bb boy!! 🎂-

(12:04a) \\Ayyyyyy!!! Thank you! I'm so old now, you know what that means?\\

(12:04a) \\It means you're even older.\\

(12:04a) \\What's up, old man? 👴 Your kids are adults. Should I buy you a cane?\\

(12:05a) -mite not b able 2 give u 2 an orphanage anymore but i can kick u out of my house w/out getting arrested 4 child abuse so watch urself-

(12:06a) \\Old man statement retracted. You are a beacon of youth and beauty.\\

(12:07a) -damn strait-

(12:07a) -luv u kid-

(12:08a) \\Love you too daddy-o.\\

(12:08a) \\You're welcome for being blessed with such a fantastic and glorious son.\\

(12:09a) -tht credit goes 2 ur momma i think-

(12:10a) \\So you admit I am fantastic and glorious?\\

(12:11a) -there nvr was any doubt kiddo-

(12:12a) \\ 🥺🥺🥺\\

(12:12a) \\Luhh u.\\

(12:13a) -luhh u2-

(12:13a) -more than u kno ❤️-

*

(12:03a) *Happy birthday to my second born! 🥳🥳🥳*

(12:03a) *18 years ago today you almost murdered me! I forgave you pretty quick tho, cuz you had a pretty cute face.*

(12:04a) \\Ummm excuse me? What do you mean by HAD a pretty cute face??\\

(12:05a) *Sorry kid, looks are the first thing to go with age *

(12:06a) \\Ah well. At least I have my stunning personality. 💅\\

(12:07a) *That's certainly one word for it.*

(12:08a) \\Not loving this birthday wish so far mother. Cmon now, spice it up, you can do better.\\

(12:09a) *Yes yes, my apologies.*

(12:09a) *Ahem.*

(12:09a) *HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY GREATLY ADORED SON WHOM I LOVE WITH MY EVERYTHING AND AM SO PROUD OF!!!*

(12:10a) \\Almost perfect, but retract that cute face comment, I've decided that I need my looks AND my stunning personality.\\

(12:10a) \\Besides, don't I look like you?\\

(12:11a) *Oh shit, you're right.*

(12:11a) *HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY GREATLY ADORED SON, THE CUTEST FACED PERSON YOU'VE EVER SEEN!!!*

(12:12a) \\There you go.\\

(12:12a) \\Thank you momma. Love you.\\

(12:13a) *I love you too, Jesse. Happy birthday.*

*

(12:00a) \\HAPPY BIRTHDAY, UNCLE BIRTHDAY TWIN! 🥳🎈🥰🎂🎊🎉💓💝❤️\\

(12:00a) \\I NEVER CAN REMEMBER WHAT TIME YOU SAID YOU WERE BORN AT SO MIDNIGHT WILL HAVE TO DO!\\

(12:01a) \\ALSO HI OFFICER UNCLE! 👮‍♂️\\

(12:03a) ~not fair, you knew i was waiting until your actual birth time.~

(12:03a) ~which is right now.~

(12:03a) ~happy birthday, barf day twin!~

(12:03a) >So close and yet so far.<

(12:03a) >Anyway. Happy birthday, Picasso! 🎨<

(12:04a) \\Lololol remember that year when we bet each other we could finish an entire birthday cake just the two of us Uncle Birthday Twin??\\

(12:05a) ~ugh.~

(12:05a) ~talk about barf day. 🤮~

(12:06a) >Here's hoping your autocorrect isn't prophetic.<

(12:07a) ~fingers crossed. 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻~

(12:07a) >How's it feel to be an adult, kid?<

(12:08a) \\You can't ask me what it's like to be an adult and then call me kid. I am a MAN. A Strong and Powerful MAN. 💪\\

(12:09a) ~i say this with nothing but love and affection, but when i came over the other day you went on a twenty minute ramble about how "color theory is dope as hell" and then teared up because you started thinking about how dogs are colorblind.~

(12:10a) \\Woooowww ok, I didn't realize it wasn't Strong and Powerful for a MAN to express his emotions.\\

(12:10a) >Smdh. You've grown so conservative in your old age, Glenn. Letting toxic masculinity take over.<

(12:11a) ~aaaah! you're right you're right you're right! you're very strong and powerful man, jesse! embrace your emotions! don't be afraid to show vulnerability!~

(12:12a) >Although you could maybe share some of those emotions with your sister.<

(12:22a) \\Sorry got distracted.\\

(12:22a) \\But nah I think I ate all Joey's emotions in the womb. That's ok, she's a Strong and Powerful WOMAN 💪 who like, will either be a world famous astronomer or will end up serving life prison for the world's first homicide-by-death-glare.\\

(12:22a) \\It's a toss up.\\

(12:23a) \\I wonder how you'd prosecute a case like that. You couldn't get her to replicate it because what if it killed someone else?\\

(12:23a) \\Wait, what were we talking about?\\

(12:24a) >Rofl, how does it feel to be an adult?<

(12:25a) \\Oh yeah!\\

(12:25a) \\Idk, about the same. Cake tho. And party time. Y'all in?\\

(12:26a) ~wouldn't miss it.~

(12:27a) >See you and your sister after work tomorrow.<

(12:27a) ~assuming she hasn't killed anyone.~

(12:28a) \\I'm sure Officer Uncle could pull some strings. Keep her from getting arrested at least until after we've blown out candles.\\

(12:29a) >I'll see what I can do.<

(12:29a) >Happy birthday, bud.<

(12:9a) ~we love you, weirdo.~

(12:30a) \\Love you too!!! 🥰\\

*

(12:02a) \\Joey!!!\\

(12:03a) \\Joey it's my birthday now, tell me happy birthday!! I'm sorry I made your desk drawer explode!! 😞😞😞\\

(12:03a) \\I told YOU happy birthday!\\

(12:04a) \\IT'S BEEN MY BIRTHDAY FOR A WHOLE MINUTE AND YOU HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING!!\\

(12:05a) \\ 😭😭😭😭 \\

(12:06a) \\I'm never going to forgive you.\\

(12:08a) \\I'm gonna put jelly on the door handles of your car.\\

(12:10a) \\Ok now this is just mean.\\ 

(12:13a) \\I'm going go get into bed and cry myself to sleep because my sister doesn't love mahdjsieka\\

(12:13a) \\BRO WHAT THE FUCK.\\

(12:13a) \\WHAT IS HAPPENING.\\

(12:13a) \\HOW MANY DIFFERENT ALARMS DID YOU HIDE IN HERE???\\

(12:21a) \\Ok I think I got them all.\\

(12:21a) \\Well played.\\

(12:21a) \\Tho even if you did it to lull me into a false sense of security you still technically didn't wish me a happy birthday on time so you're still the worst and you owe me.\\

(12:22a) //Time is relative, bitch. Go to sleep.✌️//

(12:23a) \\Happy birthday Joey.\\

(12:23a) //Happy birthday, Jesse.//

(12:23a) //Have fun finding the rest of the alarms.//

(12:24a) \\What?\\

(12:24a) \\Joey what? That's so ominous, where are they when are they going to go off??\\

(12:24a) \\Josie G Dixon what alarms are you talking about???\\

(12:25a) //joey💖 silenced the chat//

[idkthisisjustforfanfic]

U N P L A N N E D, part five

An unexpected phone call from Harry while he was out of town certainly wasn’t what your rising level of hormones needed. You were seven weeks pregnant, nauseous at random times in the day, and still incredibly tight lipped about the tiny pea-sized human inside of you. 

But the phone call wasn’t really what had you in tears--it was his request for a FaceTime call so you could meet his mum and his sister. He promised that they were shocked but excited nonetheless, happy that you weren’t a complete stranger and certainly not just a random hook up. 

Okay, so I guess he’s a liar, Lexi laughed, unintentionally dredging up the embarrassment that slept in the pit of your stomach. 

But he swore they were excited, especially once he promised you that he didn’t make it sound like you were a longtime friend or a girlfriend. Don’t lie to them about how we know each other, Harry, don’t make it sound like this wasn’t an accident. 

So when the call came across your phone, you swallowed the panic and the nausea and hoped for the best. Lexi and Glenne sipped margaritas at the counter and pretended they weren’t there. They wrote notes on paper and slid suggestions your way. Ask about what they’ve done as a family while he’s home. Say you can’t wait to meet them in person!

It was fine enough--they wished you well and promised to meet face to face soon. His mother cried a bit and said she was happy--shocked, I’m not going to lie, but happy nonetheless. 

So you didn’t expect to hear from him for a few days. He’d be home on Sunday--he’d mentioned it in passing on the FaceTime call--so you were sure you’d have time to settle and prepare for whatever was upcoming.

But when your phone rang on the counter Thursday night, Lexi was eating a bowl of cereal in her underwear in front of an SVU marathon. You slid your thumb across the screen to answer it.

“Hello?”

His voice was quiet, you tried to do the math of what time it was there. “Hi--s’me.”

“Hi,” you paused to stand over the sink, your back to Lexi for whatever sliver of privacy your apartment could afford. 

“What are you up to?”

“Just got home from work, actually. We’re just gonna hang out tonight, kind of tired, honestly.”

He hummed in response, you could hear the sleep in his voice. You wondered where he was. In bed? About to brush his teeth? You didn’t ask why he called.

“Do you feel alright?”

“Yeah,” you reassured. “I’m fine. Kind of nauseous and just more tired than usual--but I think that’s normal.”

“Right. I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages.”

“I know,” you laughed. “It’s been a minute. What have you been up to?”

“A lot of meetings, honestly. Spent a few nights in London for a photoshoot for the album cover, merch stuff. Nothing too exciting.”

You held the phone in place with your shoulder, shifting over to the fridge to find an appetizing snack. “That sounds cool--better than getting angry emails about your font choice.”

“Yeah I can’t say I’ve experienced that. But look, I, uh, I’m glad you got to talk to my family the other night.”

You paused, a swell of emotion in your eyes. It might not have been your most cherished social interaction to date, but he hadn’t said anything to make you think it had crashed and burned. “Me too, it was almost sort of fun--aside from all the crying I’m doing.”

Lexi’s ears perked up at that, she made a face from the living room. If she didn’t know who was on the phone, she did now.

“Right,” he laughed. “S’the hormones, I guess, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

A pause. “When do you think I could, you know, see you again?”

“Dunno,” You sighed, a rush of heat on your cheeks. “You’re back Sunday and it’s a busy week at work, next week. So, maybe next weekend or something?”

“Yeah--okay, I just, miss you, is all.”

“Oh--uh, yeah, it’s been forever,” you looked over at Lexi, still pretending like she was watching TV and not eavesdropping. You didn’t know if you should say it back. Did you miss him? Sure--maybe you felt a little weird not knowing what he was up to or not wanting to text him about new symptoms, but--you didn’t know if that counted as missing him. In all honesty, you were kind of surprised he said it. 

So you settled on something in between. “Yeah--I can’t wait for you to come home. Or, back to LA, I guess.”

“I can stop by, when I land, if you’re around Sunday.”

“Yeah--I should be here, if you want.”

“Okay.”

“What time is it?”

“One in the morning,” he stifled a laugh. “I saw my dad for dinner tonight--hung out with my sister. Just getting to sleep now and wanted to see how you were.”

You licked at your lips, trying to ignore the spark in your veins when you realized that he was thinking about you. You were out of sight, but not out of mind. You expected to be out of both.

“Alright--well, I’m fine. You can sleep, you sound tired.”

“I am.”

“Okay.”

“Okay--so I’ll see you Sunday?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you then, Harry. Night.”

You hung up and set it down on the counter, surprised at the smile on your face.

Lexi looked up from the bowl of cereal she had on her lap. Eyes wide, she held your gaze for a second. “You are so catching feelings, homegirl.”

You made a face, a scoff before you retorted. “I am not.”

“Yes, you are!” She put the bowl on the coffee table and crawled over on the cushions to get a better view of you in the kitchen. “I had fun too, that sounds so cool, it’s been forever since I’ve seen you!”

You rolled your eyes--her impression of you wasn’t too far off, but she managed to raise the octave of your voice when she twirled a piece of her hair around a finger. 

“I’m being nice to him, he’s the father of my unborn child, is that okay?”

“More than fine,” she laughed, waving a hand at you. “That’s the most romantic shit I’ve ever heard.”

You settled on a spoonful of peanut butter to hold you over until dinner. You uncapped the lid of the jar. “It’s nothing, okay? We’re friends. Don’t you think we need to be friends if we’re having a baby?”

“Y/N, look--” she stood from the couch and came over to the island, watching as you dipped a spoon inside. “I love you, with all my heart. I love the little lump of cells in your uterus--and I would regret it if I didn’t say that you and Harry falling in love would just about make my 2019 altogether.”

You shoved it in your mouth and spoke around it. “Alright, well, don’t hold your breath.”

She narrowed her eyes at you, dismissing your comment before she turned to go back to the couch. “You’re obnoxious.”

“I’m reasonable and rational. Just because I got over my whole hating him phase doesn’t mean I’m in love with him.”

“Okay, first off, you never hated him. So I don’t even know who you’re trying to play.”

“Well I didn’t really like him at first. And I definitely didn’t like the idea of being pregnant with a stranger’s baby, okay? This has been a weird two months.”

“Exactly. You’re two months pregnant with a popstar’s baby--one who happens to be cute and rich and charming as fuck! And you’re saying you’re not gonna catch any feelings.”

You shook your head. It wasn’t like that. “I’m co-existing with the father of my child and being friendly. We’ve hung out, what? Maybe like, seven times? And two of which were to sign paperwork about how I won’t sue him or blackmail him and another two were for doctors appointments? That’s not exactly for fun, Lexi.”

You didn’t mean to sound so defensive--but maybe you were saying it for your good as well as hers. No one needed to get their hopes up, especially not you. 

She laughed, reached for the remote to unmute her show. “Okay--well, when you wake up one day and realize you’ve got it bad for him, don’t say I didn’t call it.”

“Okay,” you promised sarcastically, “I’ll be sure to tell you when that happens.”

**

He didn’t stop by after the airport like he’d said. His flight was delayed and by the time he landed you were fast asleep, though you did wake up to a few messages. 

Harry (11:56pm): I just landed, took so long, I’m sorry. Are you up?

Harry (12:02am): I’d still love to stop by if you are. 

Harry (12:04am): I’ll see you soon xx

You replied the next morning, promising that it was fine and you were asleep and you’d definitely, certainly see him soon. You didn’t tell Lexi that you really wanted to. 

So you had to make an excuse when she asked if you wanted to meet her for dinner on Melrose, and then you had to dodge Simone on your way out of the office on Monday. 

“You were such a help today,” she said, catching up with you when you flicked off the lights in your office and shut the door. “I never thought Carson would admit that he made a mistake, but, there’s a first for everything.”

You had your work bag over your shoulder, sunglasses on your head when you laughed. “I’m glad he took me seriously, for once.”

“You’ve been busy lately--I feel like you’re never here.”

Her comment wasn’t loaded, Simone was always encouraging everyone to have a better work-life balance. 

“I know--I’ve had a lot going on, but I’m all good.”

“You sure? Do you need help with anything?”

“No--I finalized that ad today for the new line of home tech, so--we should be fine.”

“Okay,” she smiled, a sliver of skepticism in her eyes. “Where are you off to now?”

“A friend’s,” you said casually. Not a lie. “Haven’t seen him in forever, so--just catching up.” Not completely a lie. 

She raised her eyebrows a bit. “A male friend? That’s exciting.”

You rolled your eyes. “It’s not, I swear. But I should go--the 405 is already a shit show, so.”

“Yeah, okay,” she fell into step beside you, pulling off at her office door that was only a few steps down the hall. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The parking lot was full and the Southern California sun beat down on the pavement--you called your mom on your way to Harry’s and asked if hot flashes came along with being pregnant. She was glad you got to FaceTime with his family, but jealous, she admitted. I’ll come to town when they do, she promised. We’ll all go out to brunch!

The drive up through the hills was nice, windows down, radio hummed and made you feel as if all was normal. The butterflies didn’t kick in until you parked and walked up the front steps. 

He greeted you at the door, hair coiffed in the afternoon sun. He squinted, lips turned up at the corners when he let his eyes sweep over your figure. “Hi,” an outstretched arm to offer you a platonic side-hug. “How was work?”

“Fine,” you said, stepping inside the air conditioned walls. You let your work bag fall onto the floor beside you. “My coworkers definitely know that something is up.”

You were surprised when a look of panic didn’t cross his face. He laughed, headed over past the stairs and into the kitchen. “Yeah--why’s that?”

“Cause I’ve had to work from home a fair amount and I don’t tell them why.”

His forehead creased, worry on his face as if something was wrong.

“Just when I have a doctor’s appointment or something,” you reassured. “But normally I’d tell them why and I haven’t and then today when I was leaving, Simone--she’s on my team--asked why I was in a hurry to leave.”

“And?” He grabbed a glass from a sleek black cupboard, placed it beneath the faucet. 

“I just said I was seeing a friend.”

He handed the glass over, now filled three-quarters of the way with water. He raised his eyebrows in a triumphant smirk. 

“What?”

“You called me your friend.”

You didn’t miss a beat. “I didn’t think that baby daddy would be appropriate.”

“Fair,” he leaned his head to the side and watched as you sipped the water. After a second, he turned his back, stopped to look over a piece of paper on the counter. “Well, I’m gonna make us some dinner. Figured you might be sick of In N’ Out and seeing as take away is the only low key option, prepare yourself for a culinary masterpiece.”

You swallowed the water quickly, trying to hide the shock on your face. “Do you cook, like, ever?”

He turned around, offended. “What? Y/N are you kidding? Of course I cook.”

“Well I didn’t know if you have someone do that sort of thing for you.”

He made another face, blinked a few times as if he couldn’t believe what you were saying. “Take a seat,” he said finally, motioning to a stool on the other side of his island. “Watch.”

He diced onion, chopped up carrots. What is this? You teased. Chicken soup? 

But you were close--a roast chicken dish that his grandmother had passed down to his mom. My specialty, he promised. So you sat there for a while, you told him about Carson and the rude emails, about the possible promotion and your nervousness about what would happen when--you know--there was someone else involved. 

“Someone else?”

“A child,” you said. “You know, that thing in my uterus that we saw the other week. It’s gonna be super different when it’s here. He or she or they or whoever. I don’t know how I’m supposed to be Team Lead if I have a baby on my nipple.”

Another smirk, then a shrug. “We can get a nanny.”

“No--I don’t--we don’t need that.”

“Well--if I’m going to be on tour at some point next year and you’re getting promoted, we might need some help.”

You hadn’t ever thought that far ahead. Not past the possibility of being pregnant at work and eventually having to tell everyone that you were, in fact, pregnant. “We have friends and family, though. I don’t want my baby raised by a stranger.”

“Wouldn’t be a stranger, love,” he picked up a pair of tongs, stirred the contents inside the pan. “It’d be a nanny.”

“Well, I think it’s too soon to go there.”

He let the tongs rest on the counter. A moment of silence passed between you. 

That’s when you looked around, looked over your shoulder at the living room behind you. The arm of the couch you sat on in a tight dress--the coffee table you’d left your drink on that night when he showed you the bedroom upstairs. 

“I haven’t actually been in here since that night,” you said, your words floated towards the ceiling, large windows overlooked the backyard, a pool, sleek white chairs to lay in the sun. 

“You stood in the foyer when you told me.”

You laughed, looked over your shoulder at him. He was leaned against the counter, sunlight giving you a good look at the ink on his arms. “I kind of wiped that day from my memory.”

“I can show you--upstairs--if you want.”

“The scene of the crime?”

“The conception of our child,” he said, pointed a finger in the air to correct you. He motioned with his chin towards the stairs, started walking before you agreed. “Come on.”

So you hopped off the stool, followed him up the large staircase that twisted around itself, bringing you up to a hardwood landing and a long hall. The master ensuite was at the end, apparently, he pointed out guest rooms and a home office before he opened a set of double doors.

“Wow,” you said, almost more to yourself than to him. 

He snickered, “you’ve seen it before, remember?”

“Yeah, but, I was drunk and it was dark.”

You didn’t remember the view--but you did remember him pressing a button on a remote somewhere to draw the curtains. He laughed and fell onto the bed that night, insisting that you must have been a real trooper to put up with Lexi running lines at all hours of the night prior to big auditions. 

“Yeah--well this is it,” he said, a few steps forward towards the end of the king sized bed. “Bathroom’s over there, good tub.”

“It’s beautiful,” you said, feeling a bit uncomfortable, like somehow you were both back in that night, ghosts of your past selves tangled in the sheets.

“Yeah--definitely quite a romantic spot, so, I don’t blame us that night.”

You laughed at that, rolled your eyes when he walked over to the floor to ceiling windows, crossed his arms and took in the view of Los Angeles. You shrugged. “I mean--we could have done a few things better.”

“Hey,” he chastised, turning around with a smirk on his face. “It was a magical night!”

“Right--if you count the drunken fumbling and then, you know, the whole conceiving a child thing.”

“We were drunk but it was still--good.”

An awkward beat, pink on your cheeks before you turned around to look at the white duvet. He had to say that, right? He definitely couldn’t say it was bad or he didn’t remember or something.

“I remember almost falling off the bed at one point.”

“Right after I took your bra off--you tried to make sure it wasn’t improperly folded,” he choked back a laugh, a knowing look on his face about how you tended to be with neatness. “But in full transparency, Y/N, I wasn’t really worried about how it was folded. I was more just trying to kiss you.”

You ignored the look on his face, one that made you feel like he was flirting with you. “Then I remember you putting on a condom--like you should.”

“Right, grabbed it from the bedside table,” he went over and opened the drawer, pulling out a black and gold box, tiny foil squares inside. 

You sighed at the sight of them--the tiny devices that should have kept this from happening. A few steps forward, an extended hand to look at the box. “99% effective my ass.”

You flipped it over in your hands, he let out a sigh. 

“Harry, hold on--is this, it says expires 2018. It’s 2019.”

“What?” He reached for the box and took it out of your hands quickly, holding it closer to his face this time to look at the tiny, black numbers on the side. “Fuck.”

“Are you kidding?” You stepped back from him. “You had expired condoms and we had sex with an expired condom and that’s why this happened?”

You weren’t as angry as you sounded, mostly shocked and annoyed and honestly, sort of nauseous from all of the scents that followed you up from the kitchen.

“I didn’t know--I obviously wouldn’t have used them if I knew--I just, I hadn’t been here in a while before then!”

You let out a sigh and squeezed your eyes shut, pinched at the bridge of your nose.

He stepped towards you, his voice filled with concern. “Is something wrong? Are you sick?” 

You opened your eyes quickly, offered him a death glare. “No--I just can’t believe you’re that stupid!”

He rolled his eyes at that, tossed the box on the bed and let his hands fall against his sides. “Well, my apologies, then. It’s all my fault.”

“No--I’m not, I’m sorry, it’s just,” you opened your eyes now, rubbed at them a few times before letting him come back into focus. “That explains it. Now we know. It’s no one’s fault.”

He sat on the bed, a tiny laugh from between his lips. “I mean, it’s sort of mine.”

You couldn’t help but laugh at that, dimples on his cheeks when he looked up at you. You sat beside him on the bed and let your back hit the mattress. “Glad we’re on the same page.”

You stared at the ceiling, hoping that deep breaths would quell the nausea inside of you. In, out, in, out. Another plane was visible out the window, taking off this time, nose pointed towards the sky, bringing the people inside far away from a busy Los Angeles.

“You know,” he turned around, pulled a knee up onto the duvet when he stared down at you. His voice was quiet and the sun that seeped through the windows gave him a bit of a glow. “I have a feeling that one day we won’t regret it as much as we do right now.”

The word already left a bad taste in your mouth--regret. It was that stupid tracking app--as soon as you started seeing fruit sizes, you were done for. You could regret it or wish it hadn’t happened but the truth was that you were here and it was real and you already felt a growing love for the lump of cells that had attached to your uterine lining. 

“I know,” you said quietly. 

More silence. He watched you for a second until you stood up, heading back to the kitchen, suddenly hungry for dinner and desperate for more water. 

“This is bullshit,” you said later that night, feet up on the coffee table when he flipped through channels on TV. “Haven’t you seen those things where the guy doesn’t drink throughout the pregnancy either, cause he’s a good partner?” You caught the word as soon as it slipped out. “Not that--you know--just that most people are married in this situation.”

“I know what you mean,” he didn’t even look over at you, settled on Jeopardy before he put down the remote and picked up the glass of wine that he’d nursed through dinner. “That’s a big ask, Y/N.”

“Having your child because you used an expired condom is a big ask, Harry.”

He raised his glass of wine towards you, as if to cheers. “You’re not wrong. But I thought it was no one’s fault?”

“Well--it’s your fault I can’t have a glass of cabernet.”

He leaned over, let a hand rest on your thigh and looked you in the eyes. “When she’s here and you can drink, I’ll buy you all the wine you want.”

A thump in your chest--you’d kept yourself from taking a guess. “She’s a she?”

“Don’t you think?” He let go now, moved back to his seat and picked up his wine casually before he reached to check his phone. 

“I hadn’t thought at all, really, about it. One way or another.”

“I think it’s a girl.”

“Do you want it to be a girl?”

He pushed his lips out in thought. “No preference. Just a feeling.”

A pause--the daily double logo flashed on the screen. “Do you want to find out at some point?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged. I don’t know when they can tell, so.”

“Me neither. We don’t have to.”

He changed the subject, then. Asked about Lexi and promised you that Jeff wasn’t upset. He had another glass of wine and showed you pictures from his trip home. One of him and his sister on a hike--another with his mom and her cat, socked feet on their couch one night after dinner. 

His world was a strange one--far away from yours but somehow it had already fully collided. At 9:30pm you decided it was best to head home. Traffic would be light if you were lucky, but a 7am wake up call was waiting on the other side of sleep. He handed you the work bag you’d dropped on the floor and offered a closed lip smile. “Can I see you again soon?”

You hesitated, slung the strap over your shoulder and tried to come up with the right response. “Yeah--I mean, if you want. I know you’re busy, you don’t--like--have to hang out with me, remember?”

He shook his head, his tone a bit harsh when he searched your eyes for an answer. “I want to--why is that so impossible for you to swallow?”

“It’s not impossible--I just, I don’t know. We don’t really know each other and we don’t have to pretend like this is anything other than what it is.”

“I want to know you. You’re the mother of my child, Y/N.”

“Fine.”

“I mean it.”

“Okay,” you said, defeated. You didn’t know if you believed him. You wanted to. But the hormones in your system were likely untrustworthy. Getting to know him meant you could like it, like him. It meant you could get attached and getting attached meant you could get hurt. You pushed the thought out of your head. You were thinking about it too much already. “I’ll see you in a few days.”

**

Jeff watched as you sat in the chair, a rubber band tied tight around your arm. “He’ll be here,” he said. “He’s just running late, I guess.”

You nodded, hoping the nurse with blue gloves wouldn’t get excited when she saw who Jeff was referring to. 

They’d decided the paternity test would be done by a third-party lab. Another doctor’s office, this time in Burbank. Jeff watched as the needle slid into your vein, a vial in the nurse’s hand soon filled. 

A knock on the door, another nurse with Harry in tow once the first vial had been replaced with a second. “Hi,” he said, a bit out of breath. “Sorry--I was doing some stuff with Emma at the house.”

You waved awkwardly, left arm still held in the hands of the nurse. She smiled in his direction, you’d watched her sign the NDA that Jeff had brought, a letter from Dave’s office, a watermark made it official. 

How awkward, you thought. Various people here and there now knew. Dr. Weston’s office. These nurses. You wondered when there’d be the inevitable meeting about coming out with it. What would be said when something finally leaked? How would you keep your privacy or your sanity when people wanted more information from you? 

“Okay,” the nurse smiled, a wad of gauze over the crook of your elbow. “All set.”

“Am I up?” Harry took a step forward, ready to climb into the chair. 

“Just a cheek swab, from you,” she replied, setting the second vial in a stand beside the first. She stuck a label on to each of them, reached for a long q-tip and then turned around. Harry opened his mouth, looked around awkwardly when she held his chin and then rubbed at the inside of his cheek. 

You crossed your arms, “everything the man has to do is easier with this stuff, isn’t it?”

Jeff laughed at that, shrugged a bit before the nurse let go of Harry’s face. He moved his tongue around a bit, smacking his lips together as if the swab had a bad taste.

It was awkward, the whole thing. Apparently Dave had decided that Jeff should chaperone, watch you get poked and prodded to ensure that the results were accurate. Nothing had changed in Harry’s demeanor, and if you took his words at face value, he trusted you. Believed you. So why, of all people, was Jeff not?

Pam--that’s what the nametag on her scrubs said--set the swab in a tube. “So we’ll send this off now and the results will be mailed to the address you listed in 5-10 business days.”

“It’s going to Dave’s office,” Jeff informed the two of you. “He’ll call you both with the results.”

You grabbed your purse and you were all on your way to the parking lot to find your separate cars in the warm sun. You wanted to ask them if they really thought you were lying, ask if you were allowed to say I told you so when the results came back. Glenne promised it was just a legal requirement. Nothing to do with you, she said. They’d make anyone do it. 

“I’m supposed to meet Glenne for lunch,” Jeff said, a hand over his eyes when he turned around. “If you guys want to join.”

You looked over at Harry, were they your friends or his? If you’d been worried about people having to choose sides, now was the moment it came to fruition. Harry stood in the parking lot, sunglasses on his face when he seemed to wait for your response. Could you both go? 

“Oh--I don’t--you can go, Harry. I should go home anyway. Lexi and I said we’d clean today.”

“I think Lexi’s coming,” Jeff pulled his phone out of his pocket to check a text. “Yeah--Glenne said we’re meeting at Fin’s for brunch.”

“You can ride with me, Y/N,” Harry stepped forward now, still waiting for you to make a call. Hesitation, a nervousness in your stomach about what Jeff thought of it all. Would he allow you to go in the same car? Or was that somehow against something you’d signed? 

But the nervousness felt like nausea and the nausea sometimes felt like hunger. So you went.

Not because your apartment wasn’t a mess, but mostly because you knew Lexi’d give you shit if you bailed. You promised yourself you’d give her shit for roping you into a group outing. She knew what she was doing. When she agreed to tag along she knew she’d signed you up for it, too. 

“If she’s not then I’m not,” Harry smiled up at the waiter, shut his menu in front of him before smiling over at you.

“You can get a mimosa,” you rolled your eyes in response. Lexi’s manicured hands clapped together when Glenne ordered a pitcher for the table.

“M’fine, water’s fine.”

The waiter disappeared and you ignored the smirk on Lexi’s face. 

“I’ve been thinking about what you said,” he turned to you again, voice quieter as if the rest of the table wasn’t listening. “I can definitely go nine months.”

“Without alcohol? Yeah, right,” Glenne laughed. “You’ll make it two weeks before you want a glass of Merlot.”

“I’ll be fine,” he scoffed, sunglasses still on his face beneath the terraced patio. “I don’t even like Merlot.”

Glenne made a face and Jeff leaned forward. “You really think you can go nine months without drinking?”

Harry set his elbows on the table, narrowed his eyes. “Care to make it interesting?”

“Place your bets, everyone,” Glenne let out a laugh and reached for the water that had already been delivered. 

“Two weeks,” you said quickly. Another shocked look from Harry when turned to see you. 

“Two weeks?! You think I’m spineless, don’t you?”

“I watched you house two glasses of wine the other night after dinner.”

Jeff raised his eyebrows at that--Glenne seemed to give Lexi a look. You tried to backtrack, suddenly worried that maybe they weren’t supposed to know you and Harry had spent some time together outside of meetings and doctors appointments. 

“Whatever, how long do you think you can go?” You pushed the attention back to Harry, he shifted in his seat beside you.

“Nine months,” He nodded. “I think I can do it.”

“I give you two months,” Jeff sighed. “Tops.”

“I vote eight months,” Lexi said, leaning forward and resting her chin in her hand. “I think your downfall will be Christmas and New Years.”

“That counts as nine months if it’s New Years,” Harry said. “She’s due in January!”

“I vote halfway. Four or five months,” Glenne leaned back and watched him. 

You sipped at your water, a bit resentful about all of it. Here they were, all talking as if everything was normal. As if Harry’s lawyer hadn’t painted you to be a liar. As if the problem here was your negligence or greed, not the expired condoms in Harry’s bedside table. As if you didn’t feel out of place at a fancy restaurant in North Hollywood, likely the only person at the table who couldn’t afford an early retirement. 

Harry het a land rest on your knee beneath the table. “I’ll do my best, and whoever’s closest, I’ll buy you a nice dinner.”

“That’s all?” Jeff teased. “No yacht or car?”

“I’ll take you to Nobu,” he raised his eyebrows, giving Jeff a look he apparently couldn’t resist. 

“So I have a question, then,” Glenne changed the subject, her voice quieter than it was before. “Have you thought about any names?”

“No,” you said quickly, hands folded in your lap. Harry fumbled with his napkin but watched as you spoke. “We don’t even--we don’t have the results yet.” You motioned back to the street--back towards the chair and the tiny room with fluorescent lights--as if you couldn’t do any sort of planning until it was settled. The parentage, as Dave had said. 

Glenne nodded, lips pursed in a line. She knew where you stood with it--she thought it was just as shitty as unfair as you did, but she was stuck in the middle. “Sweetie--we know you wouldn’t lie about it, it’s just--”

You looked at Jeff quickly, pulled your eyes back to Glenne. The waiter appeared with three glasses, placed them right in front of Lexi as if she’d drink all three. She rubbed her hands together when they were poured. 

Jeff shrugged and offered you an apologetic smile. “I know it’s shitty and awkward,” he said. “But just think about what a shit show it could be if we didn’t test it. I mean--it’s you, I get that. You’re not just some random person or something, but--we’d be stupid to not just make sure.”

“I know,” you said. “I get it.”

“Once the results are back next week Dave will lighten up,” Jeff nodded. “I’ll talk to him.”

Harry was quiet, watched as Lexi handed the last mimosa over to Jeff. After a second, he shrugged. “I like Vienna.”

You turned to look at him quickly. “Vienna? As a name?”

He nodded.

“No,” you said. “I don’t like it.”

“Or Jane. Simple, pretty.”

Lexi looked at him like he had three heads. “You already decided it’ll be a girl?”

He nodded, shifted to look at you as if he couldn’t be any more serious. “She knows I’m right.”

“No I don’t,” you laughed. “He’s crazy. If you’re worried about one of us being a nut job, it’s him,” you looked directly at Jeff. 

Harry held up his glass of water, pushed it towards the center of the table. Glenne raised her mimosa, she laughed when Lexi took a gulp before clinking hers into the circle. 

“Here’s to me being a nut job, then,” Harry laughed. “Even though I’m right.”

table of contents | talk to me + join the tag list

author’s note: HELLO AGAIN! I’m posting off schedule right now cause I know folks are home and looking for some positivity. So if you’ve got nothing else to do, read some fanfic!! Stay the fuck home, y’all. I’m a nurse. I mean it. 

tag list: @stepping-into-the-light @thurhomish @afterstylesmadeit @iconicharry @stylesfics-xx @harryspirate @mellamolayla @harryinsweatersandbandanas @stylesfantasy @clorenafila @mell-love @anssu-amry @yelllowgrass @littlesoldierelleora @styles217 @rachkon @c-h-e-r-r-y-y @myhat  @rosegoldbel @passionate-dreamerr @grammyforstyles @haute-romance-quotidienne@dontgiveupthedayjob @ursamajor603 @craic-head-horan @heavenspidey @talk-british-2-me-britbritharry @blackxxmagicc @winter-soldier-007 @ssllbb @wanderlustiing @jdcharliewhiskey  @caritocp @kaybee87 @wildbeee @hsunflowervol @harrys-medicines @tobe-sogolden @theresnooneheretosave @1d-tommo5 @soullikestyles @mrsfstyles  @you-youneverdo @fstopsteph @cock-a-doodely-doo 

[georgescatcafe]

vermillion — 3

rating: t warning/s: period-typical homophobia pairing/s: georgenap genres/tags: cowboy x city boy au, rancher sapnap, rich george, coming of age, slow burn word count: 3,306 summary: When Sapnap gets sent into the city to get quick cash for his family’s struggling ranch, he’s not expecting much from the experience—lights aren’t very blinding when held up to the Sun, and he’s not exactly there to play around. But then he meets George, a boy built on money, who quickly sweeps in not just paying customers but also Sapnap, leading him into what any ruddy country boy would call the mouth of the Devil: high society. Cue a summer spent by each other’s side while feelings run unbidden, uncaring of deadlines and restraints.

It should be enough for the pair—and for awhile, it is, right up until it isn’t.

+ao3 +masterpost

;;

George’s parents aren’t even home. They get inside, George unlocking the door and calling out a tentative greeting only to be met with silence. Nick turns to him.

“Dinner, maybe,” George says. He readjusts Nick’s bag from where it’s started to slide down his arm. “Come on. I can show you to your room.” Nick doesn’t have a room, not yet, he knows, but he follows George anyway when he starts walking out the foyer and past the living room, er, both living rooms. He can’t help but crane his neck when they pass a doorway leading to what looks like an open dining room and adjoining kitchen. He bumps into George then, the other having stopped at the base of a staircase to wait for him.

Nick stutters out an apology.

“It’s fine,” George replies. “I can give you a proper tour in the morning, if you want?”

Nick will have to head out earlier, to set up at the market. “Maybe,” he says.

George smiles.

Nick’s room is apparently the first room on the left.

“The bathroom is right at the end of the hall,” George says, “and my bedroom is basically right across from yours.” He points at another, slimmer door. “Linen closet if you get cold. Or if you want to switch out your pillowcase or something.” And another door. “Another guest room. We don’t have company, but sometimes my parents strike unexpected deals and we end up having someone in there. If they’re at some dinner tonight, that might happen.”

“You’re going to tell them I’m here, right?”

George hasn’t stopped smiling, but it’s dull, eyes dark and shadowed, cheeks strained. “They’ll know; don’t worry.”

“I can stay in my truck,” Nick tells him. “It’s fine.”

“But you don’t have to,” George says. “Seriously, don’t worry about my parents.” He nods to the bathroom. “We’ve got extra toothbrushes if you need them. I’ll be in my room. You won’t have to look at me anymore.”

“I like looking at you,” Nick says and then wishes he didn’t because the smile finally drops from George’s lips only for the shadows in his eyes to expand and cover his entire face. “I didn’t mean that,” he adds.

“Yeah,” George replies, “I know you didn’t.” He turns, heading towards his room. “Anyway, I’ll be in here if you need me.” He tries a smile again. It’s weak, and Nick feels bile rise in his throat. He’s not sure brushing his teeth will make the sensation go away. “Goodnight, Sapnap.”

“Night, George.”

When he spits for the nth time over the sink, the tangy sharp taste remains. Being right is always fun until it isn’t. Nick splashes water over his face, cold and stinging. When he looks up, his eyes are bordering red. He squeezes them shut before pressing his fingers into them. When he pulls his hands away, his eyes are only even more red. Whatever. He takes his toothbrush and heads back to his room.

He can’t help the glance he sends to George’s door as he passes. The lights are off. He bites back the sigh threatening to slip out and keeps walking.

;; 

Despite the bed which is comfortable as hell, sleep doesn’t come easy. Every creak from downstairs puts Nick on edge, and a couple of times he hears creaking right outside his door, and he’s left to wonder just what it is George is doing out there. If it’s even George walking around. The room he’s in is big, with a high ceiling and tall windows, even for a second-storey bedroom, and it leaves him feeling open and exposed, and part of him wonders if it’d have just been better to sleep in his truck, in that market parking lot. Yeah, he was equally exposed there, but he was also in the middle of the city where shouting could wake up pretty much anyone. And he wasn’t the only one asleep under the open sky. Here, George is his friend, but that’s a new term, and Nick doesn’t plan on meeting George’s parents, not really. Here, he’s basically on his own.

Nick rolls over, tugging the sheets higher, tucking them right under his chin. It’s fine. He’s fine. It’s like first sleepover jitters. He just needs to get over it.

But there’s voices now, from downstairs, and his ears strain as he tries to listen is. It’s all accented, so it’s hard to pick out if George is among the voices. Definitely his parents, though. Nick groans, finally just giving a rough jerk to the sheets and pulling them fully over his head.

And the damn footsteps, again and again, going past his door. Seriously, what the fuck is George doing? If he didn’t hate the idea of meeting George’s parents, especially when he’s the way he is, he’d go out there and force the other to stop, marching him back to bed and tucking him in himself.

In the least weirdest way possible.

Eventually, the voices die down, and with them, so do the footsteps. Nick lets out a breath. When he looks over to the window, he’s grateful to see it’s still dark out. There’s still a chance for more than a couple of hours… hopefully.

 ;;

Morning is not kind to Nick. He wakes to birdsong, sunlight on his face, and that’s well enough, but it’s when he goes downstairs, planning to leave a note for George and his parents, thanking the family for their hospitality, that he sees a note is unnecessary.

“Um,” he says, and then, “good morning, sir.”

George’s father looks nice enough, if you look past the air of frigid coolness X from him while he butters a slice of toast. “Good morning,” the man replies. “Are you Nick?” The name comes out after a hesitation, and it makes Nick want to slam his head into the sparkling granite counter, embarrassment flooding him when he realizes George probably introduced him as Sapnap.

But all he does is smile and nod his head. “Yes, sir,” he replies. “You’re George’s father?” At the affirmative, he continues: “Thank you for letting me stay here. I know it’s probably inconvenient, and I’ll be out of your hair soon.”

“It’s alright,” George’s dad offers a polite smile. “George said you’re a Pappas?”

“Yes, sir,” Nick thinks he’ll be using that phrase a lot, “son of Glenn Pappas.”

“I’ve spoken to him once or twice,” the man thinks for a moment, “has your father ever mentioned a Davidson family?”

“I think I’ve heard that name, sir,” Nick replies. “I’m guessing you’re Mr. Davidson?”

“Guessed right,” Mr. Davidson replies. He spies the clock over the stove. “Well, you know us working men, I’m off. Take George with you when you go. I tell him he’s inside too often.”

Nick nods as Mr. Davidson takes a final sip from the mug that’s been sitting on the counter, placing it delicately in the sink before bidding Nick goodbye and disappearing out the doors and out the house. Nick stands alone in the kitchen before heading back upstairs to wake George.

George does not rise after the first knock, nor the second nor third.

Finally, Nick opens the door.

“George,” he says. “Wake up.”

The lump on the bed groans, shifting before settling again.

Nick sighs. “I had to talk to your dad. You have to wake up. George, what the hell.”

The blankets fall away as George sits upright, rigid. “You what?”

“Yeah,” Nick replies, “I went downstairs because I need to go to the market soon, and your dad was down there. He told me to take you with me.”

“Good,” George says at that, finally climbing out of bed, his lounge pants catching on his toes with every step he takes towards what Nick assumes is the closet. “Not good that you met my dad, though. You’re okay?”

“I didn’t want to,” Nick admits, “but he knew Pa, so I guess it went fine?”

“Stockyards, remember?” George sends him a smile oddly bright for someone who didn’t want to wake up a minute ago. “Anyway, get out.”

“What?” Nick takes a step back anyway.

“I’m going to get dressed,” George tells him, disappearing into, yup, the closet. “Get out.”

“Oh my God,” but Nick still exits the room, shutting the door behind him.

George comes out a couple minutes later, tugging a jacket on over his shoulders.

“You’re going to get hot later,” Nick says, but George waves him off.

“I’m cold now.” George leads the way downstairs. “Now come on, I’m fucking hungry. What do you want from McDonald’s? There’s one on the way back to the market.”

 ;;

Nick watches in both admiration and horror as George orders half the breakfast menu then proceeds to eat that and drink a large orange juice. Normally, it’d be just admiration, but George is so skinny—there’s no way he can just fit all that in there without dying. But he does, and when Nick still hasn’t exited out the parking lot after thirty seconds, George turns to him with a cocked brow.

“Weren’t you the one wanting to leave early?”

So Nick drives.

 ;;

The day passes much like the last, but with less awkward pauses and hesitation. Banter comes easy between the two of them, and George brings in customers while Nick leaves them satisfied with their purchase. The day’s inventory depletes quickly, and for that, Nick allows them an early dinner, the two of them packing up the truck and heading out before the sun’s even thought about reaching the horizon.

As they sit nursing sweet tea and picking at their pasta, George gives a sigh. “You can stay the night again,” he says.

“Do you want me to stay the night?” Nick asks.

George shrugs. “I don’t know. I mean,” he blinks, staring into his paglia e fieno before winding the fettuccine around his fork, “I like your company. I just mean—I don’t—I don’t know what I mean.” He takes a bite of his food. “Do you feel like you’re intruding?”

“No,” Nick replies, “I feel paranoid. Dissected, maybe.”

George nods, stabbing again at his pasta. “Yeah,” he says, “yeah.” He sets down his silverware finally, the metal making a small clink against his plate. “I’m sorry about that.”

“Can’t help it,” Nick says. “Oh, uh, what were you doing last night? I heard… were you pacing?”

George picks up his fork, and with the action, the pasta-twirling starts again. Nick refrains from reaching across the table to still his hand. “Yeah, that was—I went downstairs a couple times, and a couple times I was going to see if you,” he laughs, quiet, embarrassed, cheeks an obvious red, “were all settled in and stuff.”

He wasn’t. “I was,” Nick tells him, offering the other a smile. “No checking-up necessary.”

George smiles back.

;; 

It takes a couple more nights at the Davidson’s before Nick meets George’s mother. Equally nice as her husband, equally frigid. “You must be the Pappas boy,” she tells him. “Nick, correct?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he replies, “and you’re Mrs. Davidson?”

She smiles at him, and Nick finds himself smiling back, though he keeps a good few steps between them. “George says he’s been working with you,” she continues, “at the market downtown?” Nick nods, and she nods too. “Good. He needs to get out more.”

“He’s definitely out more now,” Nick says, and she smiles again, tighter at the corners, though. Right. He straightens. “I’ve told your husband but thank you again for letting me stay here. I’m sure it’s inconvenient, but—”

“If Harry said it’s alright, then it’s not a problem,” Mrs. Davidson interrupts him. “And we’re equally grateful you’re getting our son out of the house. Out of his room, honestly.” She shakes her head. “Always did wonderfully at banquets.” Elegant fingers rub at the pearls on her wrist. “He’s very good at speaking when spoken to, that means.” The smile she wears now is soft, gentle as the light from above the stove.

Nick isn’t sure whether or not he’s supposed to laugh. He tugs at his shirt collar. “Well, I’m glad to help. He’s a great business partner.”

Wherever Mrs. Davidson is, it isn’t with Nick. Her murmured yes is as much a dismissal as Nick thinks he’ll get. He bows his head and wishes her a goodnight. He doesn’t hear a reply.

 ;;

“Your ma is nice,” Nick tells George when he gets upstairs, finding the other sitting at his desk in his room. “Is it really not a problem? Me being here?”

George leans back in his chair, pushing himself away from the desk. “Yeah,” he finally says. “It’s not. We’ve got the space, anyway. You went three days without meeting my mum.”

“Not as much luck with your dad,” Nick says, and George laughs. When George pulls himself back into his desk, fiddling with the various knickknacks there before scratching his pencil across a notebook page, Nick wonders about what his parents said.

George talked about having friends—talks about having friends, even. He didn’t sound close to them, not really, didn’t even sound like he enjoyed having them, but he had them. Has them. Nick frowns, taking a seat at the foot of George’s bed before falling back onto the soft duvet. George doesn’t glance up from his writing.

“Are you going to see your friends at all?” he finally asks. “I mean, I know you said you don’t want to bother, but still….”

At that, George straightens, setting down his pencil and turning to look at Nick. “Anna and Blair are in Paris; Vince, Theo, and Gordon are back in the UK; Beth and Seraphina are in Switzerland. Everyone else is either away on summer internships or partying at South Beach.”

“And the people you named… are you close to them?” George sends him a look and Nick is quick to revise. “As close as you can be, I mean.”

“Sometimes,” George says before frowning. “Why? Do you want to stay at a hotel or something?”

“Stop acting like it’s the end of the world if I sleep in my truck,” is what Nick tells him first, and then, “and no. I was just curious. Before, you were by yourself, and now it feels like you’re always with me. I know you said you can’t really trust your friends, but you don’t even have plans with them.”

“It’s unconventional, yeah,” George says, turning back to his desk, “but it’s fine. I like what we’re doing at the market, and I like my friends in small doses. You, that exception.”

“Probably because I’m not someone that would leave you behind for South Beach,” Nick replies, and George allows a small laugh at that. Nick grins. “Alright,” he says, “I’m going to go get ready for bed. See you in the morning?”

George nods and lifts a hand in a wave. “See you in the morning.”

Right before shutting the door, Nick pauses. George does too. When they look at each other, Nick opens his mouth, words on the tip of his tongue, before he realizes he doesn’t even know what those words are. He shakes his head, closing the door quietly behind him.

 ;;

He’s practically forgotten about the conversation when George brings it up again. “My parents,” he begins, “what’d they tell you?”

Nick freezes. “Nothing,” he replies, slicing a liver, eyes locked on the organ. Can’t afford to mess up and all that.

“Sapnap,” George says. “They told you something.”

“They didn’t!” Nick bites his lip and squints, lining his knife up again. Really, he’s got to get this cut right. He does.

“Nick.”

He puts the knife down. “They just said that you don’t go outside much and that I help with that. It’s really not a big deal.”

“Nothing with my parents is ever not a big deal,” George sneers. “I can’t believe this. So what—I fucking hate my friends, what about it?”

“Nothing about it!” Nick tells him, packaging the sliced liver. “Really, I was just wondering if you really didn’t have any plans. I think this is something that’s not a big deal.”

“No, no,” George sinks to the floor, squatting, palms pressed over his eyes, “it is a big deal.”

Nick frowns, lowering himself to pull George’s hands away from his face. “Everyone likes a little alone time, and you’re, like, living in a pit of snakes. How is it a big deal?”

George glares at him. “Let’s just say it’s not a very good look when you’re inside all day, and when you’re not inside, your usually with girls that you aren’t having an affair with.”

“You’re a teenager; how the hell would you have an affair?”

“It’s the thought that counts,” George replies, flat. “I look fucking weird! To my parents and to all their stupid business partners! Especially here. We literally work with oil companies and ranchers, Sapnap.” He jerks his arms free of Nick’s grasp to cover his face again. “No wonder they stopped putting up a fuss about you—you make me look good! I’m actually working, getting work experience, and to have a friend like you, a real, rugged, gritty guy—oh my God.” He drags his hands down his face to look up at Nick. “That’s so dumb.”

“So I make you look like a man?” Nick asks, and then blinks, shaking his head. “Also, stopped… putting up a fuss? So they didn’t approve at first?”

“Of course they didn’t approve,” George hisses. “I never do stuff like that, what I did with you, they were—not terrified, but you know.” He widens his eyes, lips set in a stern frown. Nick nods, though he’s not sure he knows. George continues anyway, “It’s messy. Families are messy.”

“Yeah, they are,” Nick agrees, though his was always pretty neat. Oh well. “But it’s fine,” he tries a smile, though the frown doesn’t leave George’s face, “I didn’t think anything of it, and your parents are happy with you—I see no downsides.”

“It’s the principle, Sapnap,” George tells him, but finally, he gives a small smile too. “It’s fine.”

“Do you want to maybe get off the floor now?” Nick asks, and George nods.

They rise, and Nick clears his throat. “Uh, I don’t know how good that was for business.”

“Sorry,” George replies, “I don’t usually… do that.”

“I know,” Nick says. When he smiles, George smiles back, zero hesitation.

;; 

The next day, George asks him how long he’s staying. Nick frowns down at his street tacos. “Until all the meat sells,” he says, “and then I’ll go home, get more meat, and stay until that sells out.”

“All summer?” George asks.

“All summer,” Nick replies.

George stares at a point past Nick’s shoulder. “Huh,” he says. “Well, you’ve been here a week. Are you going home soon?”

“Give it another week.”

George nods. “How many trips are you thinking?”

Nick shrugs.

“Do you think I could go with you on one?”

Again, Nick shrugs.

George narrows his eyes before huffing. “I want to see the ranch.”

“It’s got the animals you sell and grass,” Nick says. “What are you hoping for?”

“Consider it my South Beach,” George replies.

“Go to Galveston, then,” Nick retorts.

“Take me to Galveston, then.” When Nick looks across the table at him, George is serious.

Nick sighs. “Do you mean it?”

George doesn’t reply.

Another sigh. “Maybe. Can’t you drive?”

“My mom doesn’t want me to risk it,” George tells him, and the statement is so ridiculous it makes Nick choke on his next bite of taco. “What?” George asks, brows furrowing. “It’s true!”

Nick swallows as best he can before taking a drink of water. “I know,” he replies. “That’s what makes it so terrible.”

;;

next

[billie-ford]

1  2  3

What Comes After

14

The morning sun rolled over the Hilltop colony like a warm blanket; a golden shine of reassuring hope that today would be better than the last. The rays that shone over the tall walls of the community made the smoke of Billie’s cigarette almost entirely opaque as she brought it to her lips for another drag.

It was the first sense of peace she’d felt in days despite the underlying melancholy that had become her, soaking in the warmth that touched her skin as a gift opposed to a nuisance for the first time since that awful morning while she watched the community come to life. 

“Would you be bothered if I asked how many hours of sleep you got?”

Billie watched as Sasha emerged from Gregory’s mansion and approached her trailer, taking a seat on the stair below her before lighting up her own smoke when the box was offered.

“Not as bothered as you would be by the answer.”

Sasha’s smiles were always so warm. Warmer than the sun. She donned a fresh pair of clothes gifted by Hilltop’s resident laundry hanger and the already worn in appearance led Billie to believe that Sasha was losing hours of sleep too.

“You know,” Sasha’s chest swelled with a deep sigh, “it’s been hard to close my eyes for more than a second since the other night. Much less fall asleep for more than a minute.”

“It plays over and over again in your head doesn’t it?” She nodded. “Yeah...me too. You been in to check on Maggie yet?” Billie took one last deep drag of her cigarette, her first of many for the day, and stubbed the butt out on the traction of her boot. 

“Not yet. I passed Dr. Carson in the hallway and he said she was still asleep.”

“What about..uhm..them?”

Sasha frowned, eyes falling to the ground as she shook her head. “I haven’t really been able to stomach it. We should wait for Maggie to wake up..then we can all go together.”

“Sure, guess we can.”

15

Twigs snapped and leaves crunched under Millie’s heavy boots as she walked down the long, deserted road. The coming of Autumn made the already dismal roads that much more gray and with the new addition of crunching leaves and wind blown twigs, that much more dangerous too.

Dawn had barely broke when she began her journey; tip-toing carefully throughout the house she shared with Eugene and Rosita while packing her bag and running through the streets of Alexandria as quick as she could to avoid being spotted. By the time she had hopped down from the community walls her clothes were already splattered in blood, burying her old aunt’s bowie knife in skull after skull when the crunching leaves beneath her boots gave away her position to the multitude of walkers roaming around the other side. She had walked for miles by the time the sun had fully set in the sky, checking her wrist at every street sign; the directions to Hilltop scribbled down her pale skin in blue ink.

She missed her aunt, her godmother, her guardian now that her father was dead. Being home without Billie was almost unbearable. Since that night, nobody in the community treated her the same; crossing the street when she approached, refusing to look her in the eye, stumbling over their words when they so much as mentioned his name. They were either avoiding her or they were overbearing, and their apologies and eulogies just barely clung to their tongues. She was looking for any excuse to get out, and going to see her father’s grave was just excuse enough. It troubled her deeply that she never got to say goodbye to her dad, not even a last glace. Sasha had been quick to obscure Millie’s vision when the first blow of the bat landed and as the days rolled on a part of Millie was thankful for it - but a part of her also resented Sasha for not giving her that closure.

As she trekked along she wondered if he was buried or burned. If a memorial of flowers and other trinkets had been placed in the wake of the fallen. She remembered that Billie had hand carved a sign for Kenny’s cat when he eventually died, she would do the same for her own brother. Something told her Billie wouldn’t let anyone burn her brother, and it was that feeling that drove Millie to make the journey to Hilltop.

16

The infirmary was empty when Sasha and Billie entered, Dr. Carson looking up to the door when it whined on its hinges. At the far back of the sickly white room was Maggie, just a lump of steady breathes beneath her just as white sheets.

Her eyes cracked open ever so slightly upon the feeling of Sasha’s hand on her arm and she smiled weakly at the two who had worked tirelessly to assist her here. She was frail, her eyes sunken and her skin so pale it edged on blue. She had just barely the energy to lift an arm to clutch  Sasha’s hand.

“Welcome to, beautiful,” Billie patted Maggie’s leg, “’member us?”

“Unfortunately.”

“How ‘bout Dr. Carson? Resident life saver here at the Hilltop?”

Just over Billie’s shoulder stood the striking doctor with a kind smile of his own when his patient looked at him. “How long have I been down?” She asked.

“A little over three days,” Carson answered. “You suffered from the condition abruptio placentae; it’s a separation of the placenta from the uterus. It’s unusual this early, but uh, could be brought on by severe trauma. Possibly the bruises on your abdomen-”

“Did I-I...lose..?” Maggie exhaled sharply, almost too afraid to ask. Even more afraid to hear the answer.

“No.” She let out her held breath. “Thanks to your friends. Had they not got you here when they did things might have looked much worse. 

Baby’s heart rate is normal but you’re going to have to take it easy for a few days. You don’t want to exacerbate the separation any more.���

“Where is he?” Maggie asked, looking between her friends. “Where are they both?”

“I took care of it.” “I want to see them.” “You heard Carson.” “Billie, please.”

Billie looked to Carson, sharing a look of concern with the doctor. He cleared his throat, “just make sure she goes slow and get her straight to bed afterwards.”

Before he could say any more, Maggie was throwing her covers to the floor and standing on shaky legs as the two raced to either side of her to hold her steady. Much like the morning they had arrived. ‘Easy, easy, easy.’ Billie cooed.

“Straight to bed.” Carson reiterated as they guided her out of the door and into the hot sun.

17

Billie sat on a rock as she watched the two stand over the graves she had dug, slicing her breakfast of a single green apple with her hunting knife before chucking the pieces between her teeth dispassionately. Her frown was heavy and her eyes almost burned at the sight of the graves she wished she could forget. It was like a nightmare she couldn’t shake; vigorously digging her own brother’s grave before rolling his headless body into the dirt before doing the same for one of her best friends. She reached into her pocket, feel the brass chain cool her fingertips as she pulled the pocket watch from the place it had been nestled for the last three days.

“Here.” She called out to Maggie, reaching out and dropping the accessory into her open palm. “It was in Glenn’s pocket,” she scoffed, “all Abe had was a cigar..”

The pain was pronounced. For all of them. Tears welled in every eye of the trio as they tried in vain to make any sense of it - how they would go on without their leader, without the ones they loved.

Maggie placed the watch over Glenn’s grave lovely as Billie wondered if back home, in Alexandria, there was anything left to honor her fallen soldier with. There had to be something more than a smelly old cigar now stained terribly with near black blood.

Sasha’s eyes darted over Abraham’s grave, searching for an answer she wouldn’t find. “Everything feels so wrong..”

“Not everything.”

Maggie’s optimism was admirable and Billie felt she was once that way; able to find even the tiniest of gems when she dug through all the dirt. But now, now she just felt irritated by the glimmer of hope in Maggie’s eyes, and when a Hilltop member peeked in to whisk her away she leapt at the chance. 

It was Bertie who had recognized Millie first when she was stopped at the gates of Hilltop and smiled at her before running off to fetch Billie. Billie’s eyes widened in shock when she saw her niece walk through the gates and ran to gather her in her arms, checking her for injuries and swiping at the splatters of blood painting her skin. It wasn’t her own, Millie promised. “Are you- what are- Why are you here?”

“I missed you...all of you.” “Millie?” “Hey, Sasha!”

Sasha appeared at Billie’s side with the same surprised look before hugging the teen tightly. It was a relief to see her alive and well after the night they all suffered, but one more Alexandrian in a community they weren’t supposed to know about meant one more person to hide when the saviors finally rolled around for their pick ups. 

“You can’t be here, Mills. It’s not safe for you, you have to be home.” A look flashed behind Millie’s eyes, a sadness that sunk her shoulders and clenched her jaw. It baffled Billie just how much she looked like her father when she did such a thing, how their twin hues of blue in their eyes would darken like a mood ring and their lips pressed into a thin line. So much of how they were feeling could be conveyed in their eyes alone. Billie sighed. “I came to see him, didn’t you?” She nodded.

The women shared a look and Sasha, the woman who was well on her way to becoming her step-mother, grabbed Millie by the hand gently. “I’ll take you.” She spoke softly. “We can go back to Billie’s trailer after and I’ll make you something to eat. Sound good?” Millie nodded and with one last yearning look to her aunt she went off with Sasha to finally see her father’s resting place.

Billie watched them disappear beyond the grove before dashing behind the guards post and sinking to the ground with accelerated panic. With Maggie’s oncoming pregnancy, Millie’s sudden appearance, the looming shadows of the saviors and her own grief she has yet to properly deal with, it was all becoming too much for Billie. As her breath became harder to catch and a fresh round of hot tears reached her eyes, Billie realized she was officially having a panic attack. 

Jesus had just emerged from the mansion, the tips of his ears hot from another argument with Gregory when he spotted the woman across the grounds, the same woman he was just defending up in Gregory’s office. He rushed for her, dodging community members to be by her hyperventilating side.

“Billie! Hey, hey, hey...” He squeezed her arms softly while they shook from her sobs. “Billie, can you look at me?”

Jesus had seen many panic attacks within the Hilltop walls; new comers barely getting a grip on life within the walls, losing loved ones, just life in general. Yet seeing it now, with her, felt completely foreign. This wasn’t the person he had met on the road just weeks ago; who had pistol whipped him when he tried to steal supplies from herself and her brother, who had gotten into a sarcasm battle with Gregory and won, who had snapped Andy’s arm when he got into a fight with Abraham. This was just a shell of that person. 

Her eyes met his, half-lidded bambi eyes ringed with red. She bit her bottom lip between her teeth to stop its quivering.

“Just watch me okay? Breath like this, in,” he inhaled, “and out.” After a few repetitions she followed, her gaze breaking from his to his hands on her wrists as her breathing steadied and her heart slowed to a normal patter. He released his gentle grip before sitting back in a crisscrossed position. “May I ask what that was about?”

She shrugged. “I’m just...overwhelmed.”

“Overwhelmed generally means someone needs a break.” “I can’t take a break. Too many people need me.”

Jesus sighed, looking off into the community. “I don’t think Sasha or Maggie would hold it against you for looking out for yourself. You aren’t sleeping, that much I can see...it’ll only make things harder for you if you don’t take a step back now.”

Billie kissed her teeth, rolling his words around in her head. “S’at your professional opinion?”

“Personal. We’re just friends here.” He smirked. “One can only hold so much before they start to crumble, Billie. That’s what community - family - is for. We share the load when some of us start to crack.”

Knowing it and hearing it were two very different things. She knew she was taking on too much, she always did, but someone else knowing it and seeing it...it made her feel too vulnerable. Being seen made her feel vulnerable. Billie liked Jesus. He was a pain in her ass when they caught him on the side of the road but since introducing them to Hilltop, showing them that there was so much more in the world, she’s considered him almost a brother. 

Their gentle interaction was suddenly disrupted by the roaring sound of engines and Kal’s boots above them stomping along the wood of the guards post.

“The Saviors are coming!”

The pair jumped up from the grass like a fire had been lit beneath them and Jesus grabbed her by the wrist roughly, throwing caution to the wind as he pulled her quickly behind the trailers. If she was seen by any of the Saviors that were on the road that night they’d know the communities were colluding. Knowing they were colluding meant consequences for both of their communities; consequences including their death.

“Come on, I know a place to hide.” They were now dashing along the wall of the colony as the gates opened and trucks of Saviors flooded in.

That dreadful panic settled back into Billie’s stomach as she ran in time with Jesus as she wondered where Sasha, Maggie and Millie were. Where they inside the mansion? A trailer? Still at the graves? She feared they got caught up with Gregory, knowing that if it benefited him he would sell them out in a second. 

“Here.” Jesus stopped along the wall furthest from the gate, standing in front of a large crate of wood. “They don’t know about this.” Before Billie had the chance to question him he was lifting the logs, revealing a secret bunker within. She supposed it was made for this very reason; hiding for something that shouldn’t be in the colony. “I’ll come get you when they’re gone. Two knocks. Stay quiet.”

It was a tight fit, scratching the walls and bearing splinters in her biceps while Jesus watched over his shoulder. He casted one last look her way, bright blue eyes filled with worry before shutting the top and encasing her in darkness. 

Her breath was ragged, terrified, and she held it periodically when she thought she had heard something. It felt like hours spent in the pitch black bunker, rocking in the cold dirt, nothing to be heard but the rushing adrenaline beating in her own ears between short bursts of breath. Steady footsteps from above made her lurch back further into the darkness, holding her breath once again. The voice was muffled as it approached, whistling a familiar tune that caused a wave of nausea to settle in Billie’s stomach.

Whoever was above her was not Jesus, and she feared whoever it was knew just what they were looking for.

[lickrustdavid]

Should I Walk By Again A hockey game, a slowly-failing business, talks of skin care, and a mutual crush.  Rated E  3.2k AO3

+ + +

David only comes to these stupid hockey games for Alexis. She’s been to almost every single game since she and Ted started dating, and once they got engaged she started inviting David. He’s really not into sports at all and doesn’t understand how anyone can find that much physical endurance fun. This is only his fifth week coming, wrapped in his warm sweater as he sits on the cold bleachers, hot chocolate warming his hands. 

“Remind me again why I’m here?” David huffs, glaring at Alexis, who’s got Ted's other jersey on. She looks cute, he has to admit, wearing her fiancés too-big jersey in support, her blond hair curled and falling down past her shoulders. 

“Uhm, because David, I told you- Ted told me he wished you’d come because then it could be a family thing,” she looks at him with her eyebrows raised. “He’s told me like twenty times the past month how hes always excited to see you here. You’re going to be brother in laws soon, he just wants to be part of the family.” 

“Right,” David frowns. “But couldn't we do something else together? Like...I bet he’d like manicures! Or I could shop with him for new clothes?” 

“Da-vid!” 

“Fine! I’ve been here the past month haven’t I? I even watched that one guy break his arm? That was traumatizing Alexis!” 

Alexis rolls her eyes. “Whatever David. Just…” her expression softens a little, going kind of shy. “I just want him to feel like there’s more than one person rooting for him in the family. I know Mom and Dad like him, but I also know Mom will never come to a game, and Dad’s so busy with the motel…” she trails off, eyes darting all over the large ice house. 

“I suppose,” David sighs, looking like he’s about to regret his next words. “I suppose that there could be worse things to be doing. We’re at least in the city, and there’s food here, so…” 

“Thank you David,” Alexis brightens up, watching the game. He grumbles about being hungry and gets up to go find a pretzel. He’s not been paying attention to the game, too busy texting Stevie and browsing Instagram. Looking at the scoreboard, he sees their team is up four points to Lancaster. That’s good right? Promising? Maybe? He stands in line, deciding next time he’s inviting Stevie too. After getting his pretzel and making it back to the stands, he tries to actually watch the game, begrudgingly letting Alexis take a pinch of the pretzel, too. 

Because they’re in Elm Glenn (which is where Ted and Jake both play, because it’s the closest minor league hockey team), their team is in their home jerseys, dark blue. David watches most of the team start going towards the opposite goal, Lancaster in all white jerseys. Ted, number 12, is speeding down the rink along side another guy, who hits the puck into the goal, completely missing the goalie, going straight into the net on the upper right corner. 

“...and newcomer Brewer makes the shot! The Guardian’s win!!” The commentator says into the mic. Everyone on their side of the rink yells and claps and hollers. David claps a little, but not too much, because that would mean possibly dropping his pretzel, and that’s absolutely not happening. Alexis is bouncing up and down on her heels, grinning widely. Ted is good for her, David thinks. He’s known this for a long time, but it’s reaffirmed now, seeing how happy she is. He tries not to think about his own love life, or lack thereof, and takes another bite. 

A good twenty minutes later, Ted is walking up to them, sweaty and red faced, but happy. He’s got shoes on now, instead of his skates. “You did so good, babe! Like...so good!” 

“Yeah...you did great,” David offers, wishing half heartedly that he knew more about hockey so he could at least seem like he knew what he was talking about. 

Ted leans in close to Alexis for a quick kiss and then beams at David. 

“Thanks bud! I’m glad you enjoyed it. Oh, hey, hold on…” Ted walks a few paces over to where a guy that looks a little out of place is standing. He has on an Elm Glenn jersey too, but David’s not sure he’s ever seen him before. True, he rarely pays attention to the players, but this man is beautiful, he knows he would have noticed him before.

“Guys, this is Patrick. He’s been on the team since Tuesday, since Mark broke his arm. He was great though wasn’t he? That last shot was golden!” 

Alexis shakes his hand and compliments him, but David’s barely aware of it all, as he stares at the guy- Patrick. As he stares at Patrick. He’s smaller than Ted, but still muscular, his brown hair wavy, like maybe if he grew it out, he’d have curls. His eyes are a warm brown, and when David meets them he has to look away, the intensity too much. 

“Hi, I’m David...Alexis’s brother,” David is suddenly very aware of the older Givenchy sweater he’s wearing, sure he probably looks more dingy than he’d like. “You uhm...you played great!” Played great? Come on Rose. Jesus. 

“David...nice to meet you,” Patrick’s smile is more of a smirk, kind of cocky. “Thank you. I was nervous to start on the team, but everyone’s been great. I live in Schitt’s Creek too, just moved here. Ted and Jake have been great.” 

“Oh! You should totally come have dinner with us then,” Alexis pipes up, looking at David with a knowing smile. “We’d love to get to talk more, wouldn't we David?” 

David shoots her a withering glare. “Yeah. You should come.” 

“Oh, I don’t want to intr-“ 

“It’s a tradition! Seriously, it’ll be fun. I insist,” Ted speaks up, his golden retriever attitude coming out. David snorts as Patrick looks a little overwhelmed. 

“Sure, I’ll come.” 

“Great!! We’ll meet you at the cafe?” Alexis wraps an arm around Ted. After a nod from Patrick, both men go back to the locker room to change. 

“What the fuck, Alexis?” 

Alexis has the audacity to just shrug. David is going to kill her, and her weird ability to seem to be able to read his mind. 

“Look, Ted told me he’s single, just broke up with his like...high school on again off again girlfriend or something. And he’s super nice, and kind of hot, in a weird, cute way. All I’m saying, is it might be good for you to put yourself out there.” 

David rolls his eyes, fighting the urge to shake her. “One problem- you said girlfriend. Clearly he’s not into guys.” 

“Wow, okay, you of all people should know not to judge. From what Ted’s told me, he’s bi. They were talking about celebrity crushes or something while practicing and Patrick said he’d die to kiss Sebastian Stan, sooo….” 

At least his taste in celebrities isn’t awful, David thinks. “He’s not going to be into me. I’m like, the furthest thing away from Sebastian Stan. But whatever. We’re getting dinner with him. Let’s go.” 

The forty five minute drive is filled with 90’s pop music and Alexis talking about Jared Leto’s apparent new yacht. They get to the cafe and sit in their usual booth, but when Twyla sits the usual three menus down, Alexis grins. “Actually, Twy, we need another tonight. One of Ted’s teammates is coming too.” 

“Oh! Okay! That’s really nice of you guys, I know when Jake tried to-“ 

“Jake’s different from this guy, we have a...history,” David grimaces, trying to push the weird thruple memory out of his head. A few moments after Twyla’s put the other menu down and headed back to the kitchen, Ted walks in, followed shortly after by Patrick, and oh...okay. Wow. Patrick looks amazing in his deep blue sweater and khakis. Usually not the type of thing David’s into (he tried dating that one jcrew model back in his early twenties but…), but it suits Patrick, and he looks especially...cozy. 

Alexis kisses Ted’s cheek when he sits, and David scoots down on his side to let Patrick have room. He smells like cedar, citrus and...oak moss, maybe? David’s mind flashes to one of the Burberry colognes he’d sampled a while back while at the mall with Stevie. 

“When did you move here?” Alexis asks Patrick, as they all browse over the menu. He looks up and smiles. 

“Two weeks ago.” 

“Oh wow, so you’re like...really new,” she laughs a little.

“Yeah, uhm,” Patrick clears his throat. “I uh...needed a change. So I came here. I work for Ray Butani?” 

Both Alexis and David groan, making Patrick and Ted laugh. 

“He’s not that bad,” Patrick tries to defend his boss. “I mean...he’s a talker, that’s for sure, but...what do you guys do?” 

Alexis starts rambling about Interflix and her PR stuff, and David tunes her out, thinking about what she’d said earlier about Patrick being single. He’s pulled out of his thoughts when a hand touches his shoulder. Patrick’s looking at him, a mix of amusement and worry on his face

“What?”

“I asked what you did,” he laughs a little, lips quirking up. David blushes and sees Alexis talking to Ted. 

“Oh...oh, uhm. I own Rose Apothecary, across the street.” 

Patrick’s eyebrows raise. “Wow, that’s...amazing. I haven’t been in yet, but I’ve walked by, it seems really nice. I’ll have to stop in,” he assures, and David feels his heart stutter. 

“Oh..you don’t...you don’t have to. It’s a lot of face care and candles and…” he trails off, thinking Patrick wouldn’t be interested in anything his store has to offer. 

“And what makes you think I’m not into that kind of stuff? I mean...I know my skin could use some work but...maybe you could recommend some stuff…” Patrick looks hesitant. 

“Your skin is good, especially if you don’t do anything to it,” David frowns. “But...yes, I’d be happy to help. Your t-zone could use work.” He watches pink blossom on Patrick’s neck and cheeks. Cute. 

“You should stop in before it’s closed,” Alexis pipes in, and David kicks her under the table, glaring. “What? I’m being realistic David. I don’t want it to close either, but..” 

Patrick is looking at him, frowning. “Why would it be closing?” 

“Uhm….well...I don’t,” David groans, wishing he could smack Alexis. Of course he now has to explain to this cute stranger why his business is failing. “I’m not great with numbers? And my dad...he’s trying to help. He co-owns the motel with my best friend Stevie. But…” he trails off, feeling his whole face heat up. 

“Oh,” Patrick suddenly looks much more worried. “I went to school for business...I’m really good at forecasting numbers, I can take a look if you want?”

David isn’t sure whether to be amazed or insulted or embarrassed. He’s maybe all three. “As nice as that is, I think I can handle it on my own, but thank you,” he clears his throat, then gives Patrick a small smile, hoping he’s not offended him. 

“Of course David, sorry for overstepping.” 

At that moment, they’re interrupted by Twyla, who takes their orders. David expects Patrick to order a beer, but is surprised to hear him order mint tea. It’s a pleasant change from every other guy he’s met here. The dinner is easy with Patrick there, the dynamic hasn’t changed. If anything, now David has someone to talk to while Alexis and Ted have little private moments. It’s nice. By the time they’re all outside in the cool autumn air, David’s surprised to find he doesn’t really want the night to end, happy that the slight awkwardness about his business hasn’t actually deterred the nice company. 

“It was great meeting you,” Patrick looks at the Rose’s, then turns to look at just David. “I might stop in soon, see about some new face care,” he winks, and David tries to stop from smiling. After saying by to Ted, Patrick gets in his silver Kia and drives off. Tonight has been a surprisingly good one, and with that, David goes to text Stevie. 

++++

“So, Alexis just told this guy all about your business having issues?” Stevie’s eyebrows are knitted together, eyes a little wide. “I mean...I knew she was stupid, but-“ 

“She just fucking trashed my whole store. In front of him!” 

“And what did he say?” Stevie leans over the front desk, watching As David paces around the small check in. He feels antsy, like if he doesn’t keep moving he’s going to fall into the pit of despair he always falls into when something isn’t going the way he’s planned. 

“He offered to help? Which, who does that?! Who offers to help a complete and total stranger with their financial issues? It was mortifying,” he huffs, shaking his head. “He works for Ray, apparently. Just moved here two weeks ago,” David adds, chewing on his lip. 

“Well...I don’t know David. I know it’s a little sketchy, but. If your dads not even having luck, maybe it couldn’t hurt? You said he went to school for business?” 

David widens his eyes, mouth open. “Are you siding with him?!” His hands fly upwards. 

“No! No...I just,” Stevie looks away. “You’ve worked so hard, and the store is amazing. I don’t want to see you fail.” 

Feeling a lump in his throat, David blinks rapidly, then rubs his eyes. “...I guess it couldn’t hurt...to at least see what he has to say,” he decides. “Thank you...for believing in me.” 

“Of course, I’m your best friend. What else am I going to do? You need to talk to him,” Stevie gives him another small smile. “Okay, too much emotion. Go work.” 

“Thanks Stevie,” David calls as he leaves and heads over to the Apothecary for another day of what he’s sure will be slow business. He has to tamper down the smallest bit of hope that maybe, Patrick Brewer can help him. 

++++

As expected, business is slow, but not slower than normal. There’s been the few stragglers, but also a handful of people buying body milk or new candles. The bell chimes while David is eating a sandwich, and it takes a moment for him to swallow and go out. If it’s Jocelyn, he swears he’s going to tell her they’re closed. Stepping out from behind the curtain, he freezes. Patrick is standing at the middle table, a bottle of the body milk in his hand, reading the label. 

“What can I help you with?” David walks over, smiling. Patrick’s eyes find his own, the man's face lighting up. He’s wearing Levi jeans and a light blue sweater today, and while usually that kind of mid range denim and sweater would make him cringe, seeing it on Patrick isn’t bad- it suits him. 

“David! It’s so different from what I pictured, but better,” Patrick assures. “It’s calming...an oasis in the desert of Schitt’s Creek.” 

“How philosophical of you,” David shakes his head a little. “But thank you, it...it’s something that helps living here, I guess,” he shrugs. Patrick nods, then looks around. 

“So...are you still willing to show me the skin care products you were raving about?” 

David nods and flits around, in his element now. He’s happy Patrick’s going to see him here, instead of a hockey game. He picks up a couple different glass jars and a tube. He can tell, as he shows everything to Patrick, that he’s out of his element, so David takes a breath and starts again. 

“This,” he holds up the first bottle. “This is for washing your face. It’s like the baseline of good skin care. Literally just use it twice a day, it’s easy, I promise. You can’t go wrong.” Patrick nods, which makes David laugh. “I know it’s overwhelming, but it gets easier.” 

“Next is your toner. All you have to do is put some on a cotton ball and swipe it all over your face. There’s a spray too, but the cotton ball lets you make sure you get it evenly everywhere. It takes off any left over face wash, balances oils, and evens skin tone. Lastly,” David holds up the little tube. “This is moisturizer. This one specifically is good for combination skin types. You probably get oily on your t-zone but dry out everywhere else. It’s also got spf 50 sunscreen in it, which will help protect your pale skin.” 

Patrick seems to actually be understanding this time, smiling along. “So face wash, toner, moisturizer. Got it. That’s pretty easy,” he says, and David nods. 

“Just remember not to wipe your face like...ever. Pat it dry. That’ll help not clog your pores. And cold water to rinse the face wash off.” David puts the three items up on the counter, watching as Patrick continues to look around. He stops at the scarves hanging on the back wall, touching the black one. 

“This is soft.” 

“100 percent cat hair,” David admits, making Patrick instantly drop it. “Allergic?” 

“Yeah, don’t really feel like going into a Benadryl induced coma right now,” Patrick laughs, scrunching his nose up. It should be illegal to be as cute as he is. 

“So, uhm,” David wrings his hands together as Patrick turns to look at him. His eyes are trained on David, making him feel exposed. “After talking with Stevie...I think...does your offer still stand on looking at some of the store’s numbers?” He’s nervous and embarrassed, staring at the floor, and then Patrick’s closer. 

“Of course, David. I’d be happy to. Just let me know a good time that works for you, and I’ll come over. It can be whenever, during store hours or not, I’d just be in the back anyway.” 

David lets out a sigh of relief. “I uhm...We could do Thursday, if you’re free?” He needs some time to tell his dad that he’s found someone to help, so he’s not blindsided and offended. 

“Sounds perfect to me,” Patrick looks at the tea at the front of the middle table and grabs a bag of the mint, setting it on the counter too. 

“Good choice. It’s popular,” David nods at the paper bag with the loose leaves in it. 

“Have you not had it?” 

“I am...not a fan of tea, I’d rather have coffee, like, injected into my blood,” David talks as he rings the items up. He glares a little at the laugh that comes from the other man's mouth. “Coffee is an essential way of getting my energy, I’ll have you know.” 

“Of course, David,” Patrick smirks, and okay, it should be illegal to be that cute, especially when he’s in a boring button down and Levi’s. “Thank you for the lesson on skin care, and I guess I’ll see you Thursday?” He looks like he wants to say something else but stops himself at the last second. Watching him walk out the door, and down the sidewalk, his breath catches when Patrick stops mid step, turn around, then pause. As if he’s talking to himself, Patrick bites his lip and then turns back around, decidedly walking away this time. David can’t help but let his mind wander to all the possibilities of what Patrick might have said, or why he would have come back, for the rest of the day. 

[etherealellaelf]

Disney Remakes: they’re not all bad.

I submit that some of the disney live action remakes are, regrettably, a bit off. But not all of them. A lot of them are really good. Here’s why.

-Lion King did really put me off with the lack of expressions. I’m not sure if I have much to say about it, lol I’ll have to see it and let you know. Honestly though I don’t think I can because I love the original Lion King so flipping much, it’s a masterful movie and part of its mastery is the beautiful hand drawn animation and its expressive characters. I can’t think I can watch a bunch of real lions just talking. Who knows? I’ll keep you posted.

-Alice in Wonderland, one of the first of them, had some really good feminist moments. I love the Hatter and Alice’s love for each other, I guess he’s like the only human in Wonderland so it makes sense. But I get some weird ideas because the denizens of Wonderland are supposed to mirror the characters in Alice’s real life, and since the only redhead in Alice’s life is Hamish, that weirdo who asks her to marry him and he’s a total jerk.... and the Hatter is a redhead too.... idk it’s weird. Also it’s weird if he represents her dad because number one he’s dead and number two it’s incest, but the Hatter does say a few things that her dad said at the beginning....hmmm... fishy. However I feel like I can rest assured because this might just be the case of “Johnny Depp came to shoot today in a homemade cosplay and nobody can stop him because he’s just a mad genius”, in which case why do they keep letting him do that??? I don’t mind the hatter’s design, but can you imagine Just Plain Old Johnny Depp In All His Sexy Glory as a mad hatter? It would have been fine. They had to give him a gap between his teeth, CGI enlarged eyes, crazy red hair, white and pink makeup... oh well, whatever, it’s fine. I like how Underland looks a bit more like Narnia than like a Tim Burton land; I honestly don’t know if they gave him complete creative control when it came to the CGI set design. It might’ve been cool to see that.

-Cinderella was wonderful, I thought. I really love how Cinderella and the Prince interacted a lot more, falling in love over a long period of time. In fact, I feel like it was a spiritual remake of Ella Enchanted(which, in my opinion, Disney really botched up because the book was just so amazing), so they did really good in my book. My brother, however, hates that at the end she just twirls in her tower and doesn’t do anything to save herself, when in the original she tried to escape. He thinks it’s really unfeminist and he doesn’t want his daughter to act like that. I agree on that mark, but I’ll let everyone watch it. Also they threw a little bit of the Beauty and the Beast original fairy tale in there when her dad, a merchant, asks what she wants and Cinderella asks for the branch that brushes his arm or whatever; similar to a single rose, when her sisters ask for riches. I also liked the handling of Lady Tremaine; it really humanized her and I felt for her. The stepsisters were silly as per the usual. The King went from a bumbling psychopath(the cartoon) to a very melancholy, concerned father, and I cried at his death scene. Bravo, Kenneth Branagh, bravo.

-I really like all of Beauty and the Beast, although I do think that they made Lumiere & friends a little bit too important in this movie. I needed more moments between Belle and the Beast that were in the animation! Evermore was breathtaking though, let’s be honest. Although let’s be honest, I REALLY REALLY wanted to see a shirtless Dan Stevens emerge from a wall of rose petals because that sounds absolutely magical and super HOT. I’m so mad they had to redo it. Also I like the subtle crush Lefou has on Gaston; I’ve always wondered if he liked him. I do wish that Josh Gad had toned it down with his fabulousness though, because although I love fabulousness I wonder if it was slightly offensive. I really liked Gaston, and I feel like he could have gone a little bigger and with more bravado, could have been from slightly comedic to VERY comedic, but I think that’s alright. He did a great job. And as for everyone complaining about the villagers being really nasty and openly evil towards Belle, I actually liked it. It’s clear in the cartoon that the villagers whisper behind Belle’s back, but I feel like she just has a small smidgeon of an idea that they think she’s weird. In this, they freaking ATTACK her. They’re like ‘We can’t have smart bicc’s in our town! Get out me town!” It is a bit on the nose sometimes but I think it works because it helps Beast and her relate to feeling like outsiders. I do think the Beast knowing how to read kind of gave them something in common as well, but I disliked how he scoffed at her favorite book, Romeo and Juliet. I wish he had been more understanding like, “There’s this poor girl whose library is like, seven books, and amongst those seven books, one of which is probably the freaking bible because they belong to a pastor, her favorite is basically a romance. She’s not well read; I’m going to show her the classics.” Which back then was probably, like, idk, Voltaire? Too soon? Eh I’m not sure when it takes place. I do wish he’d gifted the library to her though, that was a nice gift for her in the previous movie. (Here’s the thing; the Beauty and the Beast cartoon is basically a perfect movie and I don’t think anything can live up to it, but this one was good too. It wasn’t better, but nothing can be better than that movie. Except maybe the Princess Bride or the first Pirates of the Caribbean or the stage production of Phantom of the Opera. No, not even then.)

-Dumbo? I haven’t seen it yet, I’ll have to and update this.

-Okay so Aladdin is really good. I entered the film with the meme cringe in my mind, totally expecting it to look weird and bad, but honestly Will Smith was such a great actor! And I actually freaking cried so many times because number one: the genie was aladdin’s father figure that he never had! He taught him how to date! Number two: the genie got his true love as well, and you see her and their kids at the beginning of the movie! SPOILERS btw. Sorry. Also Number three: they picked Will Smith to play the genie because he’s HITCH of course! The matchmaker extraordinaire! (I just love Will Smith. I wish he would run for president; it wouldn’t be the first time we had an actor in the white house. Just kidding, I don’t want to burden him that way, and there are really smart candidates this year to choose from. I just am urging everyone to go vote, and no more harambe crap!!!!) Also Jasmine had a nice new empowering role in this movie. I just sort of wish Jafar had been more menacing and villainous. But his actor was fine, just a bit soft-spoken.

-Lady and the Tramp- I started it on Disney+, I need to finish it. I’m halfway there. 

-Christopher Robin is a gift; it’s both simple and complex. It has a lot of nice metaphors and I could feel my heart hurting for much of the film. Seriously good aesthetics as well, Director of Photography!!! 

-The Jungle Book is a really good remake! So much excitement, and I could totally see Bill Murray in Baloo. (I think it’s equal in terms of story to the movie Mowgli, although Mowgli had that nasty little surprise at the end, I’m still hurt about it.)(also in comparing, the CGI is similarly good, but Mowgli wanted to do a really ambitious face capture thingy and I’m not sure if it worked,(uncanny) but it was interesting! It was also a lot darker. I think they’re both good.) Ben Kingsley was superb, of course, as Bagheera, as always, and he has a really fatherly voice(I thought Christian Bale did well as Bagheera as well, but he was more of an action figure in that movie, less of a father/teacher figure). And John Favreau, as always, went the extra mile to bring the action, the writing, and the moral through, and made it super good for children at the same time!(the same cannot be said about Mowgli, as there were some violence/action things that go beyond ‘peril’, hence it’s PG-13 rating) My one discrepancy was the voice of Kaa. Scarlet did fine, but I always thought of Kaa as a boy. I think they could have found a slithery voice actor for Kaa. Benedict Cumberbatch did really well as Smaug, hissing and growling, and he could have done well. I also think that Tom Hiddleston could have done a great job; he has a really gentle and pliant voice that can turn menacing in the matter of seconds, and if it’s about the snake being sexy as Scarlet Johanssen(haha what??), I think that Hiddles can bring it.(I’m not quite sure what I’m talking about at this point so I’ll shut up now.) I do feel like Mowgli started shooting way before The Jungle Book was even a glimmer in John Favreau’s eye, and that kind of makes me want to root for Mowgli because I’m sure that different movie houses have people working in both, probably swapping stories with their friends, and I’m sure it wasn’t an exact copy, but I can totally see Bill Murray in Baloo’s face and that can’t be by accident. Just saying. Not calling Disney out or anything, but I’m sure they can take it, they have like a trillion dollars. Anyway. Still a good one.

-Haven’t seen Pete’s Dragon.

-101 Dalmations, I know this shouldn’t count but it just does. I loved watching this as a child. I’m so happy they didn’t make the dogs talk? Haha it usually works when they do, but it gave a lot of room for Doctor House and Mister Weasley to interact. Also Glenn Close is great. I think this movie’s a good example of a career woman who decides to get domesticated and her sista is like, “Girl, you can’t do this! We have to be strong women! You have to come back to work!” But Anita is all, “Girl, respect my decisions! Feminism isn’t forcing your girl to be exactly like you, it’s giving me the respect to make my own decisions. If I want to have a baby with my husband, that’s fine. I want to be a mom!” I feel like the “new” 101 dalmatians remake they’re gonna make, will have a different opinion. Similar to wicked and maleficent, it’s going to humanize Cruella, but I just hope that they’re nice to Anita. She’s such a smol soft bird and if she wants 2 billion dogs and one baby, that’s fine... ugh, that’s gotta be like so much dog poop in her house... anita what are you doing...

-Maleficent. Obviously I love it. I love how those arguing fairies are super incompetent at raising Aurora because they’re too busy fighting, so Maleficent has to swoop in and rescue the princess. I like how Maleficent is a fae and it’s so sad how there’s like this rape metaphor when Stefan cuts off her wings, and that would be reason to curse his baby, especially because they were in love and he betrayed her! Stole her wings! Married someone else! T^T Maleficent, you poor misunderstood fairy! I love her motherly relationship with Aurora. I love that she’s the one who kisses her forehead to wake her up because Philip met her just that day. However, I don’t like how they just shove Philip out of the way, because Sleeping Beauty is honestly so romantic, and I love how they dance together and everything. I also like the raven boi. I ship him and Maleficent so hard and I hope he doesn’t die in the sequel, I haven’t seen it yet.

-So technically the Parent Trap is a remake. It’s awesome. It gave my childhood so much romance and prank ideas. It’s much better than its predecessor, especially because the mom in the old one is, like, urged to look prettier by her butler(wtf?!?! YOu’re FIrEd?!?). I’m so glad we’ve come so far.

Anyway, those are my thoughts. Are the remakes better? In some cases they are. I think Cinderella is better than its predecessor. I think the original Alice is very good, as a nonsense movie, and I feel like the remake is equally good, but they’re different movies with different motives and plots. The original Beauty and the Beast is my favorite and it’s perfect, so the new one isn’t better, but it is really great and I love it, too. Anyway, that’s all.

[toxikbubblegum]

May Reading Wrap Up

I'm actually really proud of myself. I finished 13 books last month. Spent a lot of extra time away from screens and focusing on my mental health so I burned through way more than I normally would. So anyways, here's my reviews. - Also please understand that these are just my opinions and if I shit on your favorite book I'm sorry that I didn't enjoy it as much as you. Also, also Im terrible with character names.

Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor ⭐⭐⭐

I actually started this book at the end of April but didn't finish it til May 1st so whatever, here it is. This books is a YA urban fantasy novel about a girl with a double life. She spends half her days studying art in Europe and the other half running errands for a tooth collecting wish monger. I don't want to say a whole lot more because I dont want to spoil anything important about the plot. So, I'll try to be vague. Let me start by saying this story is amazing. I loved the writing and the world. I rated it so low solely because I can't stand the two main characters and it really dragged down what would have otherwise been an amazing novel. So yeah, great book but its a preference thing. Also took points off for the insta-love but not really insta-love shit. Idk. I have a lot of mixed feelings about this read even a month later. Gonna read the second to see if maybe my hatred of the two mains was just a fluke.

3/5 Stars

Spellbound by Rachel Hawkins

⭐⭐⭐

This is the third book in the Hex Hall trilogy. Not much to say about it. It was a meh ending to an overall pretty good series. 3/5 stars. Moving on.

The Wicked Deep by Shea Ernshaw

⭐⭐⭐

Realizing now how many of my reads this month were pretty middle of the world. Hopefully next month will be filled with 4 and 5 stars. Anyways, this book was honestly a struggle for me to finish and Im not sure why. It's a YA mystery magical realism story about a tiny coastal town that is cursed by the spirits of 3 sisters who were suspected of witchcraft and drowned 2 centuries prior. Because of this, every year the sisters return from the sea to take the lives of teenage boys by luring them to the sea. We follow the life of kind of meh and standard YA girl #1. She meets a strange non tourist boy and hires him to work in the lighthouse her family owns. Her dad randomly disappeared years ago and her mom is a loon. So yeah... I dont know. I kind of felt like this story was hot garbage in places. I usually dont have any trouble with the suspense of disbelief in magical realism stories but this one just had too many plot holes. Like, I get morbid stuff becomes tourist attractions but why wouldn't someone have stepped in and evacuated the town if at least 3 teenage boys die there EVERY SINGLE YEAR without fail? I honestly feel like the FBI or some other government agency would have cleared the place out after the first 20 or so deaths. There was also the whole MC can see the ghosts of the girls possessing people but chooses not to tell anyone? Like, I get it. You dont want people to label you a freak or think you're crazy but come the fuck on. You live in a tourist trap where people flock to watch local teenage males wash up on shore and you really think the authorities arent going to take you up on the help? It wasn't an awful book by any means. It was well written and extremely descriptive. Just had major beef with some of the details. Anyways, I wont say much more so I don't spoil the whole book.

3/5 Stars

An Enchantment of Ravens by Maragret Rogerson

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Finally, I get to talk about one of my favorite reads of the month. I love anything to do with the Fae in my YAfiction and this was literally everything I wanted in a Fae novel. It takes place in a town called Whimsy, a humanish town in the world of Faerie. The fae cannot do any Craft, or what we would consider craftsmanship. Art and humans who can do it well are very precious in this world because the Fae can't ever do it themselves. We follow the adventures of a girl who has been commisioned to paint the portrait of the Autumn King and the chaos that ensues. Let me just start by saying this is one of those insta-love situations where I feel like it's genuinely ok. I might be making excuses because I loved the title so much but whatever. It's explained and I accept it. Also, I realize that Gadfly had a lovely description but my brain willl not let me picture him as anything but Mr.Waternoose from Monsters Inc.

5/5 Stars

The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

⭐⭐⭐

This book started out so good and went downhill very quickly. It follows the story of these two magicians who were fated by their Master's to one day fight to the death. There were so many things I loved about this book only for the last 100 pages to just take a firey dump on my face. I loved the setting and the majority of the characters. The supporting characters were so deep and interesting that I almost cared more about them than I did Ceilia and Marko (Im proabably wrong and I dont feel like googling but I think that was his name) . I don't know. I don't want to complain about anymore meh books.

3/5 Stars

Matched by Allie Condie

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Went into this book expecting to hate it. I usually don't like contemporary love stories but this had major City of Ember meets The Giver vibes and it just appealed to that 14 year old girl in me again. That seems to happen with a lot of dystopian utopia stories. Anyways, story is about a girl who lives in this town where when you hit a certain age you are brought to a place and told who the government has chosen for you to marry. She is matched with her life long best friend and all is well. Except that her little Get To Know Your New Husband microship thing showed her two guys instead of just one. And lots of bullshit ensues. I honestly think I rated this so high because I enjoy the world and not so much whats actually happening to the kids. Like, I loved the idea that art is harmful so the government chose 100 acceptable pieces and thats all these people know. I loved the brutality of the government in general. I can't say much more without spoiling some of the twists but geez did it have me hooked. I'm going to be started the second one soonish, though my TBR for June has gotten intense so we will see.

4/5 stars

Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I cannot say enough good things about this book. It is so fucking good! Not going to rant about it or anything because y'all just need to go read it immediately.

5/5 stars

Would give it every star in the sky if Im being completely honest.

Reign of the Fallen by Sarah Glenn Marsh

⭐⭐

Got sucked into this book by the cover and honestly that was the best part of this book. Its about this world where necromancy is pretty highly regarded and used to resurrect the royals after they die. The only downside is that if a living person ever lays eyes on the resurrected person's skin then they turn into these horrible monsters. Maybe it's just me but like that absolutely does not seem worth the risk. Plus, in order to bring the person back, these reapers have to go into the death world and bring the spirit back. And it's HELLA DANGEROUS. So like, WHY? Anyways, there is this stupid underlying love story that I absolutely wasn't invested in. This just all around was not a good book.

2/5 stars

Monster High by Lisi Harrison

⭐⭐

Little known fact~ I'm obsessed with Monster High and Ever After High. So yeah, I realize this wasn't targeted to me as an adult but even going into it with an open mind I was disappointed. Granted I didn't read the description of the book prior. I just saw this franchise I love and grabbed it. First, if you are a fan of the mini series and the movies do not read this. It doesnt follow the cinematic canon and I think that was my biggest problem with it. Frankie's character was all wrong and I hated the whole"Normy" cast. Was really excited for these but I definitely won't be continuing the series. I don't even want to torture myself with seeing how they manage to ruin my sweet baby Draculara.

2/5 stars

Unhinged by AG Howard

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I can't say enough good things about this series. This is the second book in the trilogy and it was a fanatstic bridge book. It had me engrossed through the entire audiobook. Morpheus is still everything. If you loved Splintered I would highly reccomend continuing.

5/5 stars

Truthwitch

⭐⭐

Have had this on my TBR for a while because of how many Booktubers have hyped the series. Buy, was I disappointed. I was soooooooooo bored. Maybe it's because I don't really enjoy this type of fantasy or maybe it was just the slower paced story but I just slugged through this book. Both of the main female characters were bland to me and I didn't care about their friendship. The world was cool but not enough to keep me invested. Just wasn't my cup of tea.

2/5 stars

Paranormalcy by Kiersten White

⭐⭐⭐

Picked this up because of how much I loved The Dark Descent of Elizabeth Frankenstein and it didn't meet my expectations. It follows this girl who works for a paranormal gorvenment group. She has a special ability that makes her really useful to them so they are trying to groom her basically. They capture this changeling and she befriends him and there is an overarching plot that I just didn't get invested in. The friendship between the two main characters was pretty much the only thing that I enjoyed in this title. The mother figure was insufferable and I just didn't really understand the whole org that they worked for in general. Not an awful book but not fantastic.

Solid 3/5 stars.

The Siren by Kiera Cass

⭐⭐⭐⭐

Going to preface this by saying I might be biased. I love Kiera Cass and have enjoyed almost everything she has written. That said, this wasn't nearly as good as The Selection series but it was a pretty good stand alone novel. It about a girl who becomes a siren on her deathbed and spends the next 100 years serving the sea by luring people to their deaths. After doing this for 70 years, she falls in love and pretty much ruins everything. Loved the characters, especially the male lead. The insta love was a little pet peeve of mine but the love interest was so sweet and genuine that I was willing to overlook it. Pretty good read if you dig supernatural romance.

4/5 stars

June holds the Ghibli-a-thon but also lots of holidays for my family so we will see how much I actually get read. So far my tentative TBR is 5 books but we will see where the days take me.

[lalka-laski]

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? There are so many reasons why that’s an absolute NOPE. 

2. You talked to an ex today, correct? Hell nah 

3. Have you taken someone’s virginity? Supposedly 

4. Is trust a big issue for you? If anything I am TOO trusting. So it’s an issue for me, just not in the conventional sense. 

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? We live together & spend almost every waking/non-working moment together. And surprisingly never get sick of each other! 

6. What are you excited for? Mexican & margs tonight with my ladies! Also, I’m getting my latest Starbucks addiction when I get out of work: iced oat milk brown sugar shaken espresso. SO GOOD!

7. What happened tonight? Tonight hasn’t happened yet. But see above for my plans^ 

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? I’d be the biggest hypocrite of all hypocrites if I thought that...HA 

9. Is confidence cute? Absolutely. But sometimes I find it off-putting just because I’m salty & jealous that *I* can’t feel that way about myself. 

10. What is the last beverage you had? Ginger & turmeric tea

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? 2-3ish 

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? It’s what I’m wearing right now 

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? That’s tonight 

14. What are you going to spend money on next? Food & drinks tonight  15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? Sure am 

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? Yeah

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? Glenn, my sisters, my best friends 

18. The last time you felt broken? I had a really bad depressive episode a month or so ago. It was awful. 

19. Have you had sex today? Nope 

20. Are you starting to realize anything? Uhh...  21. Are you in a good mood? Yeah, all things considered. I don’t have much to complain about! 

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? No thank you 

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? Yes, although his are more blue and mine are more green.

24. What do you want right this second? My Starbucks drink! And maybe a breakfast sammy while I’m at it. 

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? Oh I would LOSE MY ENTIRE MIND. Good thing that’ll never happen. 

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Nah, I dye it significantly lighter. 

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Nah

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? A Tiktok that Nat just sent me 

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? Yes

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? Most of the time, yes. 

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? Considering I live with him & am engaged to him, I’d hope not! 

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? Ha see above 

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? Nah, I wish though. I love sugary drinks. 

34. Listening to? Just my desk fan 

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? Never 

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? He’s home

37. Do you believe in love at first sight? Not really

38. Who did you last call? Kathleen 

39. Who was the last person you danced with? Glenn 

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? 'Cause I was leaving for the morning & saying goodbye

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? It’s been a minute. I’m not much of a cupcake person. 

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? No, I won’t see them 

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? I embarrass myself in front of EVERYONE 

44. Do you tan in the nude? I don’t tan, period. 

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? No way 

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? No, I went in the bedroom hours earlier than Glenn & just passed out cold. 

47. Who was the last person to call you? Grubhub, lol 

48. Do you sing in the shower? Mhm 

49. Do you dance in the car? Totally 

50. Ever used a bow and arrow? Yes actually 

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? It’s been awhile. But HOPEFULLY we will take our engagement pics soon. 

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? They can be, but it’s part of the fun.

53. Is Christmas stressful? It is but it’s an acceptable kind of stress. For me, anyways. 

54. Ever eat a pierogi? BITCH DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM 

55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Cherry or dutch apple 

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Author & illustrator 

57. Do you believe in ghosts? Mhm 

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Frequently 

59. Take a vitamin daily? Yep 

60. Wear slippers? Sometimes, but most of the time I prefer to just be barefoot

61. Wear a bath robe? Sometimes. I have a few really cute ones that I should wear more. 

62. What do you wear to bed? Usually just an oversized tee shirt or night-gown. No pants

63. First concert? Teddy Geiger

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? I guess I’d choose Target but I’m not gonna lie. I love walking around a Walmart. Everyone makes fun of me but I don’t care! Plus, you can get some really great deals.

65. Nike or Adidas? No preference

66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Cheetos ALL DAY 

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Neither

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? I really like the song Paper Rings from Lover. 69. Ever take dance lessons? Nope

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? He’s an acupuncturist 

71. Can you curl your tongue? Yep 

72. Ever won a spelling bee? I’ve never been in one. I feel like I should’ve been though? So that’s kinda bogus! 

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Oh OFTEN! 

74. What is your favorite book? I couldn’t possibly just choose one.

75. Do you study better with or without music? Without. Or maybe occasionally something instrumental but even that can distract me

76. Regularly burn incense? Nah, I hate the scent & all incense smells the same to me. 

77. Ever been in love? Yep, currently

78. Who would you like to see in concert? The Killers (again)

79. What was the last concert you saw? Mat Kearney 

80. Hot tea or cold tea? Hot

81. Tea or coffee? Both! 

82. Favorite type of cookie? Chocolate chip or oatmeal! (NO raisins, though) 

83. Can you swim well? Decently. I kinda wanna take lessons to learn some actual strokes though 

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yep 

85. Are you patient? Quite the opposite  86. DJ or band, at a wedding? We are leaning towards a DJ just for cost’s sake but I’d LOVE a live band. I’d actually love to have Janine’s band play my reception but she will have too many bridesmaid duties that day- dang it! 

87. Ever won a contest? Mhm 

88. Ever have plastic surgery? No but I have a list of work I’d like done if I could ever afford it

89. Which are better black or green olives? I don’t like either 

90. Opinions on sex before marriage? Do you boo! 

91. Best room for a fireplace? The living room.

92. Do you want to get married? We intend to :)

[lolalexturnerlol]

Drifter (Negan x reader)

Lil somethin somethin kind of inspired by the song drifters by the delphines. I want to say there’s going to be two parts, but there could be three. Who knows. Certainly not me. 

Warnings: bit of angst, bit of fluff, swearing, depressed reader (there’s never any mention of the actual word, but there’s a lot of self deprecation and negativity) if any of this is a possible trigger for you, please proceed with caution. 

I’m a drifter, honey

i’m a tumbleweed tumblin’ from town to town

I ain’t got no home town just a town where I was born

I’ve been movin baby

Since my legs, they hit the ground

Until I hit the curb driving 105 and it shot my body down  

You tend to get cabin fever.

Not in the sense that you’re ever cooped up. You hate being indoors, you’re always outside and always going exactly where you want, whenever you want. It’s not like there had ever been anything holding you back. No, the cabin fever hits when you’ve been in one place for too long. It doesn’t feel right. You haven’t stayed in one place since you were eighteen and running from a bad home life and even worse boyfriend.

It might be boredom. Maybe it’s just the realisation that you’ve used up everything in a place. You know the people, the streets, the coffee shops and the train routes. Maybe it’s the crippling fear of having anyone too close that causes the itching in the balls of your feet and the impulse to pack your meagre belongings and get the hell out.

This town though - this town, smaller than any you’d been in -is different. And you can try to hide it, act like you have no idea why you feel the burning desire to stay just a week, a month more in this tiny town. But you know, that your whole reason for staying in a deadbeat town like West Elizabeth, Carolina, is in your kitchen in your floral dressing gown, gazing at an old Jamie Oliver cookbook through his black rimmed reading glasses.

“Y/n, y/n come in here.”

You walk into the kitchen, socks slipping against the polished hardwood. “What is it now?” you ask laughingly.

He throws the book down on the kitchen bench, grinning. “Oh, come on, I’m just trying to make you dinner for once. Not my fault this recipe is bullshit.”

With a giggle you move forward, tugging the spatula out of his hand and discarding it on the counter. "Forget dinner. Let’s just order pizza or something.”

He wraps his arms around your waist, his head dipping down to look at you. “Don’t like my cooking or something?” he chides.

“Just plenty fond of my kitchen being unsinged. Pizza. I’ll pay.”

The grin makes an appearance on his face, that charming, dimpled one he’d given you the very first time you’d met him. “Can never say no to you, can I?”

You pull away from him, jaw breaking laugh bubbling at your lips. “Pepperoni, yeah?”

“What else? I’ll choose the movie.”

A week used to feel like forever

Now it’s only 7 days I hate to bum the last one from you, friend

You know I’ll get you back when I come through again

“Hey, Carl.”

The teenager smiles, blushing a little at your attire. Or rather, lack of it. “Hey, y/n.”

“How’s your dad?” You ask, handing him a twenty dollar bill. “And Judith?”

You don’t stop to question what the fuck your doing. First name basis with the pizza boy and his family? Asking how his kid sister is? You don’t do that, it’s it far, far too personal.

“They’re both good.” He grins impishly, getting back on his bike. “Michonne’s been asking for you, wondering when you want your next kickboxing lesson.”

“Tell Michonne I’ll stop by tomorrow. Keep out of trouble, kid.”

“Always do, miss.” He yells as he pedals away.

Inside, Negan is stretched out on my little couch, feet propped up on the coffee table. He beams up at you as you walk in, chucking the pizza on the coffee table. “What are we watching?”

“Monty Python.”

You sit down on the couch, and he slings your legs over his, and once again, like always, you’re tangled up, head on his chest and his on top of yours. Your bodies are pressed against each other to stay on the couch. His thumb rubs absentminded circles in your thigh, and you can feel his body shake when he laughs.

You’re so used to this now. The cuddling, the affection. You haven’t cuddled in years, since your high school days. But with Negan, it doesn’t feel silly and forced, like it had back then. It feels correct. It just fits.

And it’s terrifying.

You push those thoughts from your head. You don’t need to deal with them. Not now. You don’t need to ruin this.

You feel his nose nudge at your neck, lips leaving trails and teeth nibbling little marks.

“Negan,” you laugh, hand on his chest, “we haven’t even started the pizza. Or the movie”  

“Forget the fucking pizza.” he growls, grabbing the slice of pizza from your hand and tossing it back  in the box. “And the movie.”

With a scorching kiss he throws you pins you onto the couch, body coming down to cover yours. And just like that, your previous thoughts are gone. Because the though of leaving always tends to disappear when Negan is around.

I’m just a drifter on the run I’m just a wagon wheel rollin’ on

Maybe someday I’ll unpack my bags and I’ll stay

But I’ll always see you when I come through that way

“You ever think about leaving?”

It’s a rainy day, overcast and drizzly. Negan’s 87 Chevy pickup is parked on the edge of a little sand dune, overlooking the stormy water. There’s a Bob Dylan record playing from the beat up sound system, a greasy brown paper bag filled with hot chips sitting on top of the front dash.

“Why, you thinkin’ about skippin’ town or soemthin?” His joking demeanour never drops. He shifts his arm a little bit, jostling my head tucked under him.

“No.” Liar. “I mean, It’s just - I don’t know, it’s a small town. Surely you’ve thought about getting out of here before.”

He’s silent, and you start to panic. Surely he hasn’t caught on to how you’re feeling. Surely he hasn’t cottoned on to your want, your need to get out of here. Surely -

“I have.” His answer interrupts my inner turmoil. “But I like it here. Been here for twenty years, don’t see much sense in moving on now.”

Maybe it’s the fact he’s so much older than you. Maybe it’s the fact that you’d never settled in your life. You were born into a shaky, semi-permanent life. How are you meant to settle when all you know how to do is move?

“Why are you asking me this, doll?”

And there it is, the million dollar question. “Been here for nearly a year.” You can’t look at him now, even though you can feel his eyes burning into you. “Haven’t stayed in a place longer than six months since I was eighteen. That’s ten years of moving around, Negan. I guess I’m just not used to this.”

He’s silent, and it scares you. He never moves his arm from around you though, never moves to push you off him. You finally look up at him, you have to know what he’s thinking.

You’re shocked at what you see. His eyes contain an ocean of tenderness and love, the smile on his face conveying what no words ever could.

“You’ve had it tough.” He tells you softly. “Must be hard to trust anything around you enough to stay.” He shakes his head, chuckles quietly. “But god damn do I feel honoured to be the the one you try with.”

Th thoughts come to me then, like they often do.

You don’t deserve him. You’re going to pull him down.

A week used to feel like forever

Now it’s only 7 days I hate to bum the last one from you, friend

You know I’ll get you back when I come through again

Your one year anniversary in West Elizabeth is a strange thing. Negan had everyone you knew gather at the diner in town - the very one you’d met him at a year ago today. Michonne is there, your kickboxing teacher and friend, with her partner Rick and his two, Judith and Michone. Maggie and Glenn are there with their newborn. Tara and Rosita, the girls you work with. Daryl, Negan’s best friend. There’s other people too, people from this little town that you’ve grown close to - something you’re not sure you’ve ever done in your life.

They all come, carrying smiles and bottles of alcohol and well wishes.

All it does is shock you.

You’ve become so attatched to these people. You can easily say you love a lot of them.

You love Negan.

“Y/n, you look so good tonight!”

You look up to see Maggie standing in front of you, Tara by her side. You give her your best winning smile, wrapping your arms around her in a hug. “What about you? You look fantastic.”

“Oh, please.” Maggie rolls her eyes, but she’s still grinning ear to ear. “I just had a baby.”

“Baby or not, you look beautiful.” You turn to Tara, unusually dolled up for the night. “And you, look at you. If I wasn’t taken I know who I’d be going home with.”

Tara laughs, giving my shoulder a shove. “Who says I’d go home with you, loser.”

You sit, and you eat dinner with the people who’ve come to mean something to you. And it’s so nice, joking and laughing with people who know you, care about you, and for an hour, maybe two, you let yourself slip into that familiarity, the warmth of it all.Because you know it on’t last long. 

And Negan, god, Negan. He sits by your side the whole night, hands linked, stealing chaste kisses whenever possible. You feel cherished, so absolutely loved.

And you want to bask in it. Let all of it in, let it seep into your blood and your whole body. But you know you don’t deserve it. You know that Negan, this sweet, caring, potty mouthed gentleman, is only wasting time with you around.

“I can’t believe you did this for me.” There’s a smile on your face, and you feel happy. But it’s an empty feeling, like it’s covering up waves of other, deeper things. It makes you feel guilty. You don’t deserve to have that deep down happiness anyway. 

Negan brings your linked hands to his lips, pressing a quick kiss to your knuckles. “Of course I did. You deserve it.”

As nice as the sentiment is, you know it’s not true. 

People start to filter out, and eventually Negan calls it a night, dragging you with him out to the truck. In the chilly night air, he presses you up against the faded blue metal, grinning against your neck.

“Have a good night, baby?” He husks. 

“The best.” And it’s not a lie. It’s one of the best nights I’ve had in a very, very long time. You still feel heavy though. And no amount of good nights could change it.

He pulls away from your neck, tawny eyes gazing straight into yours, like they’re stripping you bare. “What are you thinking? You’ve got that tone in your voice. You wanna know something.”

I want to curse how well he knows me. I take a deep breath in. Let it out. In. Out.

“Do you ever think there’s more out there for you? I mean, I’m so much younger than you, did you ever think you’d end up with someone like me?”

My words spark that look on his face. The unbearably intense one that gives me chills, makes me feel like he can see right into the depths of my soul. “I’m lucky to have you.” He tells me lowly. “Ain’t a lot of good I’ve done in my life. But when I’m with you, none of that matters.”

Your heart pounds in your chest, the noise of it drowning out everything else. You zero in on Negan’s face, his adoring expression, his loving eyes that normally make everything so much better. But tonight, all they do is unsettle you.

You don’t deserve him, y/n.

“Kiss me.” You breathe out. Because it’s all you can do right now. 

His lips are on yours. Warm, passionate, loving, soft. He’s all you could ever hope for. All you’ve ever wanted from anything in your life. But with that comes the fact that he’s everything you don’t deserve. You part from each other, breathless. 

He beams down at you, grabbing you by the waste for once last kiss. “Come on, let’s get you home. I’ve got a whole other celebration in mind.”

I’m a vagrant, darling I’m a castaway, a renegade, a vagabond

But you know that I ain’t too strong when it comes to leaving you behind

We had 40 oz. We had let it bleed and blonde on blonde

I’ll sit through one more song

Before it ends I’ll be gone

The next week is tense.

You want to act like Negan doesn’t realise the shift in you. But you know he’s not stupid. He knows, he’s sensed it. But he’s giving you space, like he always has. He’s thinking you’ll go to him when your ready, like you always have. But it won’t be like that this time. You don’t want to bother him anymore.

It’s like you’re moving in autopilot. Like you’re not even aware of what you’re doing. You don’t think about it. But in five days, all your belongings have been packed into the boot and backseats of your car, the little house you’d come to call home stripped bare.

You want to leave Negan a note. Explain everything as best you can. But you know that you shouldn’t. If you owe him anything, it’s a proper explanation, face to face. At the very least, you have to tell him in person.

You know this, and still, you can’t bring yourself to. So when you’ve finished packing the very last box, you send him a text. It’s three in the morning, so you know he won’t get it until he wakes up. By then you’ll be long gone.

I’m sorry, but I’m leaving. I love you, and I won’t drag you down.

You sit on the back porch, making your way through a pack of cigarettes, telling yourself this is what you need to do. Move on. You’ve done it plenty before. You can do it again.

Wandering through the house that has been your home for the last year, you run your hands over the kitchen counter. You’ll miss the cicadas, a noise you’d hated when you first arrived. You’ll miss the far off sound of the ocean, of waves crashing against rock. You’ll miss the sound of Negan’s breathing lulling you to sleep.

“Y/n? Y/n!”

Out of everything you might’ve been expecting to hear at that moment, the front door slamming open and Negan’s panicked voice calling out your name is the very last thing.

He runs into the kitchen, stopping abruptly when he sees you. Your heart falls to the floor at the look on his face. At the fact that he’s even there at all.

“Y/n? What’s going on? What was that text about? And where the fuck is all your stuff?!”

You feel tears spring at your eyes. This isn’t how this was supposed to go.

“I’m leaving, Negan.”

He blinks, mouth popping open - then slamming shut. It might’ve been funny in any other situation.

“What in the fuck do you mean, you’re leaving?” He’s angry now. Hurt, confused. I want to take all that away from him, take away the space between us and fall into his arms.

But I won’t. I can’t.

“I mean I’m leaving Negan, what more do you want?”

“What more do I want?” he splutters incredulously. “ An explanation would be really fucking nice. You can’t leave because your scared y/n! Don’t let go of this just because you won’t grow some balls and face up to your fucking issues!” There’s a vein popping out of his forehead, a fire in his eyes that I haven’t seen before. This isn’t the two in the morning, quiet kisses fire I’d grown to know. This is anger, pure and terrifying.

The tears have fallen now, marking their way down my cheeks. “There’s nothing you can do, Negan. I’ve made my mind up. You’re just going to have to deal with it.”

“Deal with it? Deal with it?! Are you fucking serious, y/n? I love you, I love you so fucking much, and all I get is ‘deal with it’?”

I snap now. I don’t want to deal with this anymore. I didn’t want to hurt him. That’s the last thing I wanted. But this is the only way he’ll understand.

“Don’t you fucking get it, Negan? Hasn’t it gone through your thick fucking scull. I refuse to stay here and drag you down. I won’t fucking do it. I’m leaving. And that’s it.”

You’ve never regretted anything in your life. Not leaving running away from home. Not leaving a single place since then. But there’s something now that you’ve never felt before, deep down in your heart, dragging all the way down to your stomach. You try to ignore it, as you walk out of those doors and down the steps, even as you cross the border into Georgia, the boot filled with your belongings. But the guilt is eating you away, the sadness causing you to pull over more than once.

But you don’t stop. You won’t. Because you’ve down the right thing. You have to have done the right thing. And if that means you never see the man you love again, then so be it.

A day used to feel like a lifetime

Now it’s no different than the rest I’ll just roll on roll on from town to town

Until I’m six feet underground  

I don’t even know if this even makes any sense at all rip me

feedback would be mucho appreciated 

[thatonemellark]

So Gleggie is what I live for and your drabbles feed my obsession😍 you're amazing and I have a possible prompt. Maybe a new guy comes to Alexandria and flirts with Maggie and Glenn gets hella jealous. (Because how fucking hot would a jealous Glenn be¿)

here you go, @faithhmae :) This one was fun to write! Thanks for the request! I’ve got several more that I can’t wait to start!! 

3 days after their arrival in Alexandria, Rick forced themall to dress up in order to go to Deanna’s welcome party.

“I just don’t understand why he’s makin’ us go. Seemspointless. We spent the last 4 months starving on the road, and now we’re alljust gonna play dress up and stuff our faces?” Maggie complains as she puts ina pair of earrings.

Glenn watches her from their bed (a real, queen-sized bed),“But maybe that’s why he’s making us go. We’ve had so much bad for so long.Maybe this place is the start of something new.”

He stands up and wraps his arms around her. They both stareat their reflections in the mirror.

“Besides, if going to this dinner means I get to see you inthis sexy dress, then it’s all worth it.” He places kisses up and down her neckand then meets her eyes in the mirror, “The quicker we go, the quicker we canbail and come back to our incredibly private and very luxurious bedroom.”

Maggie grins, “That does sound tempting.”

Once everyone is dressed and ready, they all head toDeanna’s as a group. Glenn smiles. He has never seen his family this dressed upbefore. Even Daryl managed to scrub the dirt out from under his nails, althoughhis hair is a different story.

As Deanna’s house comes in to view, they see Aaron setting upa giant “Party in back” sign, complete with cheesy balloons.

He gives them a smile, “Alexandria doesn’t have much forparty decorations. Everyone is in the back. Enjoy!”

The backyard has been turned into a giant block party.Everyone hangs around with drinks and appetizers, while children play a game ofsoccer in the side lot. Carl wanders off to join them.

Glenn notices that the Alexandria residents have all gonequiet and are staring at his family. Rick clears his throat.

“Um, we just wanted to say-”

“Maggie?”

Rick is interrupted by a voice from the back of the crowd. Atall, blonde man with a thick beard shoves his way to the front.

“Maggie. Maggie Greene!”

Glenn glances over at his wife. He sees confusion on herface as she stares at the man.

“Maggie!” He takes a few steps forward.

Maggie’s body tenses. Glenn sees Rick and Daryl puff outtheir chests, ready to defend their adopted sister if needed.

Maggie continues to stare at the man. There is dead silencein the backyard.

“Oh my God!!” Maggie suddenly screams. The man’s face breaksinto a huge smile and he races forward. Maggie meets him halfway and leaps intohis arms.

Glenn watches in stunned silence as this man picks up hiswife and swings her around in a circle. They’re both talking over each other.

“I can’t believe it’s you!”

“Are you kidding, I can’tbelieve it’s you!!”

“What are you doing here?”

“What am I doing here? What are you doing here?”

“I tried to find you when this all started, but yourapartment was empty already, your roommate said-”

“I left school early, I had to go home to help my dad withthe farm. Thank God I did, or I never would have gotten out of Atlanta.”

“Oh my God, it’s so good to see you. I thought I’d never seeyou again.” The man pulls Maggie into a tight hug. She wraps her arms aroundhim and squeezes.

Glenn watches as the man closes his eyes and buries his faceinto her hair, “It feels so good to hold you again.”

“Maggie?” Glenn takes a step forward. Maggie pulls awaysuddenly, as if she remembers where she is.

“Glenn! Come here. Glenn, this is Ryan. He was my bestfriend growing up. Ryan this is my husband Glenn.”

Ryan smiles at her, “Best friend? Come on now Mags, you knowwe were more than that.”

“Wait, did you say husband?”

“Yeah, husband. Hi, that’s me. Glenn.” Ryan shakes his handand eyes him up and down. This guy has a good 7 inches on him and is allmuscle.

He looks over at Maggie, “So you got married.”

Maggie nods.

“Glad to know I got an invite.”

Maggie punches his shoulder, “Shut up!”

He shoves her back playfully then wraps his arm around her.He leads her away from Glenn and their family.

“So tell me, where’ve you been all these years?”

Glenn watches them walk away in silence.

“Man, you just gonna let this guy show up outta nowhere andtake your woman?” Abraham says while munching on a meatball.

“No, it’s not like that. She said they’re just friends.”Glenn watches as Ryan pulls Maggie in for another hug.

“Okay then. But man, I wish a ‘friend’ would hug me likethat.” Abraham walks off, leaving Glenn to his thoughts.

Later that night, Glenn lay in bed, staring as the ceiling.Maggie stands in the room, brushing her teeth while talking to him a mile aminute.

“And than Ryan said that he actually came across the prison.Can you believe it? He said he didn’t go in, because he couldn’t tell if wewere friendly or not. And then he started walkin’ north, to see if he couldfind his mother and he finally stumbled across Alexandria and just decided tostay here.”

“And get this, Ryan said-”

“Maggie. I’m really happy you found your friend, but you’vebeen talking about him all night. Can we just go to bed?”

She takes the toothbrush out of her mouth, “Oh, sure.”

Once she is in bed, she lays silently besides him. They bothstare at the ceiling. After a few minutes, she begins giggling.

“What’s so funny?” He faces her.

“I was just thinking, this one time, when me and Ryan were8, we were on my daddy’s farm and-”

Glenn groans and rolls over.

Over the course of the next week, Glenn sees his wifeapproximately 6 times. Between their new jobs working for the community andRyan, he hardly sees her. Maggie is spending all her time with Ryan. She’s evenbegun to bail on their family dinners, instead opting to spend time with Ryan.

Glenn bitterly stabs the meat on his plate. Just thinking ofthat guys name leaves a sour taste in his mouth.

“You alright Glenn?” Michonne asks.

“I’m fine, why?”

“Because the meat is already dead.”

He looks down at his plate to see that his venison has takenon the form of mush from him stabbing it so many times.

He puts his fork down, “I’m gonna take a walk.”

He leaves without another word. As he walks down the street,he tries to put a name on what it is that he is feeling.

How should one feel when their wife ditches them at allhours of the day for another man?

He knows nothing is going on. He trusts Maggie. But thatdoesn’t mean that he still doesn’t want to rip that stupid beard off of Ryan’sface.

When he rounds the corner, he sees the two of them sittingon a bench, giggling over something. Ryan puts his hand on his wife’s back andsomething inside of him snaps. Before he can think about it, he’s marching overto them and he grabs Ryan by his shirt.

“Alright asshole, listen up! I don’t appreciate you gettingall handsy with my wife. MY WIFE. You hear? I get that you were best friendsbefore all this. But this is now. You need to back off!”

“Glenn! Knock it off! What’s wrong with you?”  Maggie stands up and tries to pull him off ofRyan, “Leave him alone!”

“Dude, you got it all wrong!” Ryan raises his hands,surrendering.

“No, I don’t think I do. Stay away from my wife!”

Maggie wedges herself in-between them, “Back off, Glenn!”

“Maggie, how could you say that? He obviously has feelingsfor you!”

His brow furrows when Maggie and Ryan start to laugh.

“Is this what this is all about?”

“Glenn, Ryan is gay.” Maggie stares at him.

“What?”

“I like dudes, dude. Always have, always will.” Ryan shrugs.

“But what about that comment you made, that you were muchmore than friends?” Glenn takes a step back. He can feel his face flush withembarrassment.

“I was his beard all throughout high school. We ‘dated’ tokeep his father off of his back.” Maggie says.

“Oh shit.” Glenn rubs his hand through his hair, “Shit man.I am so sorry. I thought-”

“That I was trying to steal your woman? She’s my bestfriend, but nah, you can keep her.” Ryan laughs.

“Hey! I’m offended by that.” Maggie punches him in theshoulder.

“Ow, what is it with you and punching me?” Ryan complains.

That night, Glenn lay in bed with his wife. An awkwardsilence fills the room.  

“So…”

“You were jealous.”

Glenn stutters, “What, no I wasn’t.”

“Yes, you were.” Maggie sits up and moves to straddle him, “Andit was kind of hot. I’ve never seen you like that before.”

She leans down and peppers kisses on his neck. He grins, “Yeahwell, I thought he was going to steal you from me.”

She looks at him, her hand cupping his cheek; “No one willever steal me from you. I’m yours till the end of time.”

“You’re so cheesy.” Glenn laughs and rolls over to flip heron her back, “I love that about you. I love you.”

Maggie reaches over and shuts off the light, “And I love you.”

[smuttwd-blog]

THE WALKING DEAD ASK I decided that I needed to answer all of them 😂 1. Favorite female character and why I honestly love them all, but if I have to choose only one it' gonna be Maggie. I think she is one of the strongest character in the show. She lost so much, but she still wants to fight to save her friends. 2. Your favorite BROTP Rick and Daryl!!! 3. Least favorite character and why Spencer. Do I really have to say why? 4. Hottest male character Negan!!!! Obviously. 5. Character you hope will die soon Gregory... yep. 6. Favorite walker The well walker, he was disgusting. 7. Character that deserves a break Maggie! She lost her dad, her sister and her husband. Please don't kill her baby FFS. 8. Four characters you’d want in your group during an apocalypse and why Michonne, she's badass and I love her. Daryl, I mean he can make a tank explode. And he's hot! Tara, cause she is pretty badass too and she's funny. Negan, of course I would choose him. I'm a cheater I will choose 5 Jesus, he's a ninja and DESUS!!! 9. A character you hated but now love I really didn't like Andrea at first, but now that I read the comics, I like her. 10. Most disgusting moment in an episode Abe and Glenn's death 11. Least favorite episode and why I don't know the name of the episode, the one where Beth dies, I was just so pissed 12. Most complex character and reasoning for thinking so Negan, I can't wait to see his backstory in the show. The vilains are always the most complex character in my opinion. 13. Favorite actor/actress from the show and why Jeffrey Dean Morgan cause he is the sweetest man ever. Danai Gurira, she's a perfect human being that's why, she's so talented and beautiful and sweet (I have a crush on her) 14. Character you never want to die Michonne 15. Rank the seasons 1|2|3|4|5|6|7 Woah , that is way too hard. I can't do that, I seriously love them all. I'm not the kind of fan who dislike an entire season, I love the entertainment this show brings to my life. I just watch the show and try to enjoy everything that happens, even if it is something that I'm angry about or sad or disagree with. Do I make any sense? 16. Your favorite OTP Desus hehe. Richonne too! 17. Favorite male character and why Negan! I just love him. 18. Favorite walker kill When Daryl kills 3 walkers at the same time with a chain. 19. Unpopular opinion about the show If Daryl dies, I won't riot. I love him, but I won't riot. I love Negan ❤ 20. Saddest show moment and why When Maggie was crying after Glenn's death, heartbreaking, I cried so much. 22. Character you are most like and why Tara!! She's funny and sweet and she still can fight. 23. Send in three character names for a fuck, marry, kill .... 24. Hottest female character Tie between Michonne, Rosita and Tara. I can't choose. 25. Favorite scene in an episode and why I don't know, this is too hard! Since I love them all, I will say that it is the last episode that aired. 😜 26. Actor/actress you would love to see guest star Kristen Bell 😜 27. Send me a character and I will give you my opinion of them .... 28. Character you’d hope to be like during the apocalypse I wish I was a mix between Michonne and Jesus haha 29. Two favorite episodes and why See 25 30. Your NOTP What is that? 31. Would you rather play a survivor or a walker and why Survivor , so I can be one of Negan's wife 😂😂

[slut4film]

060821 - girls just want to have fun (1985), dir. alan metter | rewatch

plot: janey is new in town, and soon meets lynne, who shares her passion for dancing in general, and “dance tv” in particular. when a competition is announced to find a new dance tv regular couple, janey and lynne are determined to audition. the only problem is that janey’s father doesn’t approve of that kind of thing

actors:

sarah jessica parker as janey glenn

lee montgomery as jeff malene

morgan woodward as jp sands

jonathan silverman as drew boreman

helen hunt as lynne stone

shannen doherty as maggie malene

genres:

romance

comedy 

dance 

family 

music 

thoughts:

sarah jessica parker is so pretty, i can’t believe she’s married to ferris bueller.

11 schools? and i thought having gone to 5 schools my entire life was bad

my daydream is going to new york because that’s where mat barzal plays hockey

watching this is making me miss dancing and being on a team ugh

i wish i could still do my leap, i’m so out of shape

helen hunt is also so pretty and her outfits ugh yes express yourself baby

“well, never mind, i’m used to missing things.”

the baby just sitting on the pizza is such a mood

i just want to know if this was an influence for the writers of “shake it up”

imagine having a car and a remote control closet and thinking you’re unloved and unappreciated

the dad is kinda reminding me of my dad… was in the army, only lets me go to school sanctioned events, the world is a dangerous place, yada yada yada

“yeah, it says, “hi, i’m garbage!””

i’m into private school guys, yeah, i’ll admit it, i like the vineyard vines getup

helen hunt’s little stunt on the rich girl is such a girlboss move

let’s go ladies!! look at them battements!

damn, and a battement in the skinny jeans!!

no because what was jeff doing?? he looks like he’s just running and punching the air

“that wasn’t dancing, that was assault and battery”

trust me, honey, you don’t want the “women stuff”

“glooooooooooria, in excelsis deo”

god i wish i could do triple/quad turns so effortlessly

how the fuck did natalie find janey’s dad’s number??

“is he gonna call you tomorrow? yeah, i think so” ugh giving me a wattpad fanfic enemies to friends to lovers type beat

ain’t nobody wants to go to your debutante ball

thank god for lynne and janey’s brother

i would never want to go to a country club… unless it’s for rafe cameron

“you move, you bleed”

god, i wish i was born in the 70s so i could spend my teen years as a punk in the 80s.

look at all the mohawks!!

this party looks so lame

the only chicago team i’ll care about is the blackhawks

fuck yeah, crash the party, motherfuckers!!

that shot of the guy stepping on the turkey is so satisfying and aesthetic

look at all these punks having such a fun time ugh

imagine having a hot guy coming up on a motorcycle at your catholic school… i would feel so powerful

oh god, homie is terrible at pool

drew, that is NOT how you get the girls

that was so smooth, ugh jeff “heads? *flips* *punches*”

ugh they’re so cute

ugh, he’s so smooth, i want a boyfriend so badly fuck

stop the montage, they’re just a cute couple who dances and aaahhh giving me 4 year old me’s dream of having a center stage fantasy

no because this is how couples in movies break up all the time, one person doesn’t want to communicate and screws up

holy shit, jeff’s dad is tom the contractor

hold up, robert downey jr was in this????

i just want a brother, older, younger, it doesn’t matter, they seem so cool

not drew being part of the archie and jughead fan club

“eat flame, bozo!”

not them kissing as soon as they see each other, i just want someone to love me dude

natalie’s routine is so boring, so much anticipation but they never follow through with it

natalie’s dance off routine was way better than what she gave us first but it could never beat my girl sarah jessica parker

helen hunt is just laughing her ass off this entire movie and i love it.

“why don’t you just shut up?” yes, speak your truth, mr. sands!!

rating: 5/5 stars

[mill3nniumforc3]

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?: hell yeah ;) 2. You talked to an ex today, correct?: nope! 3. Have you taken someones virginity?: negatory. 4. Is trust a big issue for you?: yes. 5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?: I hung out with him during Labor Day weekend, so that wasn’t long ago at all. 6. What are you excited for?: I’m excited for the holidays. 7. What happened tonight?: nothing important. 8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?: it’s not attractive at all. 9. Is confidence cute?: yes! 10. What is the last beverage you had?: iced coffee 11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?: like two, one of them being my boyfriend and the other being my gay best friend 12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?: yes 13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?: work. 14. What are you going to spend money on next?: probably food 15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?: I will when we can. 16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?: hopefully not in a drastic way. 17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?: Russell, hands down. 18. The last time you felt broken?: last Tuesday. 19. Have you had sex today?: no 20. Are you starting to realize anything?: how I haven’t taken my meds in two days 21. Are you in a good mood?: meh. 22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?: yes! 23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?: nope. 24. What do you want right this second?: my boyfriend 25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?: if it isn’t a family member, I’d tell him our relationship is over. 26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?: yes 27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?: nope! It’s why my boyfriend makes me so happy. He made me laugh on the first date, and I made him laugh too. 28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?: Miranda Bailey saying she was wearing a witch’s hat with her scrubs on Halloween and calling it her costume. 29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?: yes. 30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?: absolutely not. Whether a second chance is deserved or not depends on why you blew the first chance. 31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?: no. 32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?: well, obviously. I tell him I love him every day. 33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?: guilty as charged :) 34. Listening to?: an ASMR video 35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?: I write in pencil at work, in math class, and when I’m working on a sketch that uses lettering. 36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?: he’s at school 37. Do you believe in love at first sight?: maybe. 38. Who did you last call?: my mom 39. Who was the last person you danced with?: myself 40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?: because I was leaving for work 41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?: it’s been a while, actually lmao 42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?: I hugged my mom 43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?: all the time 44. Do you tan in the nude?: I don’t tan at all. 45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?: no 46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?: no, but he talked to me til he fell asleep 47. Who was the last person to call you?: some spam number 48. Do you sing in the shower?: all the time 49. Do you dance in the car?: always 50. Ever used a bow and arrow?: the last time I did was at summer camp when my kiddos wanted me to participate with them in archery 51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?: senior year of high school 52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?: yes, but that’s what makes them great 53. Is Christmas stressful?: it’s more fun than stressful 54. Ever eat a pierogi?: yep! 55. Favorite type of fruit pie?: apple!! 56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?: doctor, astronaut, teacher, chef, Olympian, first female baseball player in the MLB, President of the USA, and veterinarian 57. Do you believe in ghosts?: no 58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?: yes 59. Take a vitamin daily?: no 60. Wear slippers?: no 61. Wear a bath robe?: no 62. What do you wear to bed?: pajama bottoms and a t-shirt 63. First concert?: The Wiggles lmao 64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?: Target! Target has a Starbucks inside. 65. Nike or Adidas?: neither. Nike supports child labor and sweatshops and Adidas are ugly. 66. Cheetos Or Fritos?: depends on my mood 67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?: peanuts. 68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?: Sparks Fly 69. Ever take dance lessons?: no... (on a serious note, I’ve been dancing ballet for 21 years!). 70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?: some type of business-like job. 71. Can you curl your tongue?: yep 72. Ever won a spelling bee?: almost. I choked on my last word, so I became the runner-up 73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?: yes. 74. What is your favorite book?: anything by Jodi Picoult 75. Do you study better with or without music?: WITH 76. Regularly burn incense?: no. Incense reminds me of church. 77. Ever been in love?: I am in love. 78. Who would you like to see in concert?: I really wanted to see Journey and Def Leppard when they were playing back in May, so one of them. Or Eagles, since they’re apparently touring even though they said they wouldn’t after Glenn Frey died. 79. What was the last concert you saw?: Wish You Were Here 80. Hot tea or cold tea?: neither 81. Tea or coffee?: coffee 82. Favorite type of cookie?: peanut butter chocolate chip 83. Can you swim well?: yes 84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?: yes 85. Are you patient?: I can be 86. DJ or band, at a wedding?: DJ 87. Ever won a contest?: yes 88. Ever have plastic surgery?: no 89. Which are better black or green olives?: neither 90. Opinions on sex before marriage?: as long as everyone is consenting and you’re being safe about it, have at it. I personally am waiting til I’m on some kind of birth control (either the pill or a shot) because neither of us are ready for a kid and I don’t want to put the responsibility of birth control on just my boyfriend. It’s up to both of us. 91. Best room for a fireplace?: living room or den 92. Do you want to get married?: someday

[lalka-laski]

You ever played Call Of Duty? Did you like it? Are you into those types of video games at all? I was never into any type of video games. Just not my scene. 

Do you like to cook for people, or do you order to be cooked for? Has anyone ever told you that you were a good cook? I love cooking for others, despite my nervousness sometimes. I find it so fulfilling! And I have been complimented on my cooking skills and creativity a number of times. 

Do you have any clocks in your house that chime when the hour changes? Do those types of clocks annoy you? Nope. Those clocks don’t really bug me unless I’m trying to sleep. But then again, ANY NOISE bugs me when I’m trying to sleep.

Has anyone ever let you borrow some of their music, promising you’d love it, but you really didn’t? Did you lie to the person and agree, or tell the truth, that you hated it? More often than not, I don’t vibe with the music people suggest to me. I guess i just have to stumble upon new songs naturally, I can’t be TOLD to listen to something. It sets me up for failure.

What is your usual hair style? Do you tend to wear the same style every day, or do you switch it up a lot? I’ve been wearing it down and au naturel lately, with the occasional messy bun or high ponytail thrown in. I’m not very adventurous with my hair. 

Have you had the same doctor pretty much your whole life, or have you went to a bunch of different ones over the years? Have you ever been to the doctor thinking something was horribly wrong with you, but it turned out to be something minor? I had the same pediatrician from infancy to early adulthood. I then switched to a GP and I’ve seen her consistently ever since. 

I honestly have never visited the doctor expecting something dire. Which is funny considering my debilitating anxiety & paranoia! 

Do you prefer to go out to get ice cream, or do you just like to get the kind you keep in your freezer? What flavor do you usually get? I love all ice creams equally. It doesn’t matter what flavor, or where I eat it- it’s all delightful to me! 

Do you look forward to the holidays, or do you dread them? What holiday is your least favorite, and why? I love most holidays, especially now that my family has expanded! In fact, I like them so much that I can’t think of a “least favorite.” 

Is the background on your phone a default picture, or a picture you took? What is the picture of? It’s a picture of my baby girl! I actually didn’t take it though, her mom did. 

What is your favorite type of print (ex: zebra, stripes, argyle)? Do you have a lot of things with this print on it? Anyone who knows me knows I love a good floral! 

Are there any stores you feel uncomfortable going into (ex: if you dress girly, do you feel uncomfortable going into Hot Topic)? Are there any stores that you refuse, or just never go in to? I’m a bit too old to feel “uncomfortable” going into a store that doesn’t quite cater to my style. And I like to think most people aren’t that close-minded. Or are they? And no, there are no stores I refuse to go in. 

Do you look in mirrors a lot, or do you try to avoid them? How many mirrors are in your house? I try to avoid them when I’m not home and can’t immediately fix my appearance. And there are 4 mirrors total in my apartment. 

What is your favorite brand of clothing? Is this a brand that is sort of expensive, or is it pretty affordable? Lately I’ve loved a brand called Pink Clover that I discovered through Stitchfix. Otherwise, my clothes come from a variety of stores like Buckle, Express, Windsor, Forever 21, and random Made In China sites. I’m a bargain hunter but I’m not afraid to splurge a little when something really grabs me.  

What person do you text the most? Glenn or my sisters.

Do you have any pictures that always make you laugh, or cry? Are they digital pictures, or printed pictures? What is the significance? Too damn many to list! I’m a sentimental sap and I can make myself spiral at the drop of a hat. IT’S A GIFT 

What are you listening to? Cafe Radio on Pandora 

What were you doing at 4am? Fast asleep 

What’s your favorite cereal? Damn this question! I have a sugary cereal addiction. Lately I’ve been obsessed with Oatmeal Creme Pie cereal but some of my other faves are Fruity Pebbles, Lucky Charms, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Frosted Mini Wheats... ugh! 

What’s the last thing you drank? I’m sipping a coffee right now

Where is your biological mother right now? I assume she’s home, this is her prime nap hour! 

Where is your biological father right now? At work or driving between jobs 

What’s your mood? Overcaffeinated and excited for the weekend! 

Are you doing anything tomorrow? It’s TBD actually. I took the morning off work to help my sister move but she’s quarantining so those plans were put on hold. Now I have an entire Saturday off to do whatever I want! I think I’m gonna talk Glenn into taking me to brunch :)

Do you cry a lot? Way more than the average person. But I feel no shame about it and I’m actually sorry that other people can’t process their emotions as constructively! 

Have you recently? See above 

What’s your favorite candy? Anything sour and gummy is my jam. Oh and Cadbury Mini Eggs! Easter Candy is a serious weakness. 

Have you ever eaten raw pumpkin? Y’all nasty

Does your car have a name? I don’t have a car

Will you be in bed within twenty minutes? Lord I wish! But I’ll be here at work for another 2 hours. 

Who did you sleep with last night? My honey bear 

Wearing any bracelets? Nope, I hardly wear jewelry 

What is your favorite color? Pink 

What should you be doing right now? Honestly there isn’t that much work for me here at the office so... it’s acceptable that I’m doing this survey 

How much older is the person you’re currently interested in? He’s 12 years older than me (hence why I was so nervous to introduce him to my dad!) 

Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed? Quite vividly (despite my intoxicated state). You could say he made a mark on me! 

Have your parents ever caught you drinking? Yeah 

Do you love the last boy/girl you were talking to? Very much so 

Did you have an exciting last weekend? It was a lot of fun! 

Is there a secret you’ve never told your parents? Obviously 

Have you ever flirted with a friend’s crush? Not that I’m aware of. I’d never do that intentionally, that’s for sure. 

Did you have a good birthday this year? It’s 5 months away! 

Do you lead people on? No, although my friendliness is often misconstrued as flirtatiousness and attraction. Not my fault though! 

Who was the last person you made plans with? Me & Glenn have plans to lay on the floor and watch Dateline tonight... does that count? (Yes we like to make a bed on the floor. Let us BE!) 

When was the last time someone really got on your nerves? I’ve been slightly on edge recently so it could’ve been anyone 

Have you recently lost any clothes? Actually yeah, several socks in one load of laundry. Where the hell could they be?! 

What places will you be going tomorrow? Hopefully brunch! 

When is the next time you will kiss someone? In a couple hours when I get home 

How do you feel about your hair right now? It’s a little raggedy and needs a root touch-up but I can’t be bothered 

How fast have you driven a car? Not fast at all 

Have you ever smoked? Just weed

Is the last person you kissed your other half? He absolutely is 

Do you think this year is better than the last? I hate to say it but I had a pretty spectacular 2020. Although I think even more greatness is in store for 2021! 

Where is the last person you kissed at this moment? He’s at home 

Has anyone seen you in your underwear this past month? Yes 

Would you rather marry Taylor Lautner, or take a million dollars? A million, easy lol. 

Do you really believe in forever? I do 

What are you doing after this? Most likely another survey. And I’ll keep repeating this cycle ‘till it’s time to go home 

Someone says “all guys are players” You say? What grade are you in? 

Are you an official couple with the last person you kissed? We’re engaged! 

Do you believe in kissing when you’re not together yet? Do as you please! 

How serious are your feelings for the person you like? Considering I’m wearing this ring on my finger I’d say we’re pretty damn serious 

Do you live close to the person you like? We live together 

[lalka-laski]

Do you have a funny last name? Does anyone make fun of it? I wouldn’t say it’s cool but people don’t make fun of it either. It’s an anglicized version of a Polish surname and while I think it’s kind of bland compared to the original, I don’t mind it too much.  What did you eat for dinner last night, if anything? Was it good or bad? Boxed mac & cheese with chicken nuggets on the side. Just call me Gordon Ramsay

Have you ever told someone, besides family, that you love them and meant it? Absolutely. I’m very affectionate and I have a lot of love to give! I express my love to Glenn & my friends on a regular basis.  Has anyone ever called your personality dull? Do you agree with them? No one has ever said that to my face but I imagine there’s some people who mistake my introversion and reservedness for dullness. Personally, I don’t mind though.  Are the blankets that are on your bed now made by someone you know in life? My baby blanket was made by my grandma. But it’s in a drawer underneath my bed. That blanket’s been through hell and back and smells WAY too musty to keep it on the bed regularly. I can’t make Glenn suffer like that! Would you ever have a child just to get someone to fall in love with you? HELL TO THE FUCKING NO. It breaks my heart that some women resort to that and genuinely think that’s a way to get a man to stay. I want Glenn to stay with me for who *I* am, and I want any children of ours to be 100% planned for.  Who was the last person to call you? How long did you two talk? I had a big Houseparty call last night with 8 of my relatives/family friends, if that counts? Can you tell when people are lying or telling the truth? I’m pretty gullible and naive so I’m gonna say no.  Do you treat others as you’d like to be treated? Have you always? Of course I try to but we all have our weak moments. I can get irritable and snippy sometimes.  Do you ever look in the mirror and name all of your flaws for no reason? I have before. I’m working on my self-esteem though. And Glenn has been tremendously helpful in allowing me to see my own worth and beauty. But still, it’s a struggle. The most painful medical procedure you’ve ever had? I had 7 teeth removed at once & the residual pain was pretty tough. I’m fortunate that’s the only major surgery I can recall. I had my tonsils out as a young kid but I have no memory of it so *shrug*  Have you ever personally witnessed a drug deal before? Yeah Have you ever been pulled over by the cops for speeding? I don’t drive. But if I did, I’d probably drive like a grandma.  Do you know how wide your hips are in exact inches, or not? I’ve measured them before but I couldn’t tell ya the number now.  Have you ever met someone in person that you met online? Mhm  Do you get sick of people who call themselves bipolar all the time? I do. I think very few people have a complete understanding of bipolar disorder, myself include. But I do know that it’s not simply running hot and cold or having mood swings. If that were the case, EVERYONE could be considered bipolar.  Ever have an ultra-sound performed on you? What was it for? I don’t believe so Where is somewhere you’re excited to go in the next few days? Tomorrow I’m going to Glenn’s cousin’s house for tacos and pooltime! Two of my favorite things! What color is your digital camera, if you have one? I don’t think I even own one anymore What time is it where you are currently? 7:39 am  Have you got any half or step siblings? My older sister technically has a different biological dad but I’ve never in my life referred to her- or thought of her- as my “half” sister. My dad adopted her and raised her from the time she was about 3, and I came a few years later, so I’ve never known life without her. She’s my sister and she’s my dad’s daughter, there’s nothing else to it. 

When was the last time you had wet hair? I haven’t showered in a couple days *insert upside smiley face emoji*  Do you like kids’ movies? I’ve come to realize that they might be the only type of movies I DO like. Well, that and ultra cheesy rom-coms. I guess i like my movies to be mindless and easily digestible. Nothing high-brow for me. When was the last time you were sick and what illness did you have? Fortunately it’s been awhile. I’m sure my last illness was just a run-of-the-mill cold or something.  When did you last wash your hair? Again, it’s been a few days.  Have you ever been kicked out of somewhere? Hmm nope.  Who did you last speak aloud to and what did you say? Probably “have a good day” or something similar to the last client I spoke to  Do you have any homework to do? Nope, I’m not in school anymore. Though sometimes I wish I was.  Have you ever been to Manhattan? Uh huh  Did you get swine flu? Nope Do you know anyone from Alabama? I don’t think so  How bright is it in the room you’re in? We have kind of a mood lighting atmosphere in the office. It’s relaxing. What can you smell right now? I just put some lemon essential oil in a diffuser, and the smell is lingering on my hands Are there any teachers that simply hate you? i was more of a teacher’s pet than anything. Although my 8th grade social studies teacher was needlessly rude to me, from what I remember. He was just an ass in general though. Have you ever bought a game from a site like Big Fish Games or Shockwave? Don’t think so What were you last at the doctor for? A routine check-up  Have you seen all the Lord of the Rings movies? I haven’t even seen one of them  What is the strangest food combination that you enjoyed as a young child? I ate sugar & butter sandwiches for a period of time. I don’t think it’s that weird but someone might?  Have you ever had to call the cops on someone else before? Well I called 911 because I saw a young girl walking alone on a bridge. My assumption was that she was contemplating suicide so I called to have someone come check on her. The dispatcher told me help was already on the way though.  What kind of phone do you have? iPhone 7 How’s the weather? It was chillier than usual this morning, which I loved. I’m sure it’ll heat up later though.