Tumgik
#i wish i knew
samandcolby-ownme · 1 month
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Summary: a request by @morchilluv - "we definitely need a slow burn story of Sam and the reader with some sexual tension and being smutty"
Warnings: SMUT18+, strong language, kind of a sad slow burn romance, a dash of sexual tension (I feel like I make up for it), flirting, real feelings being masked, not so secret jealously, passive aggressive comments/actions, slightly angsty, biting, scratching, hair pulling, unprotected passionate sex, filth
Word count: 8.6k | NOT edited
I didn't mean for this to be as sad as it actually is, but I like it regardless. Sorry if it's not exactly what the request asks, I tried!
╔═══━━━─── • ───━━━═══╗
YOUNGER YEARS
Your family has always been friends with Sam's family, so naturally, anytime there was a party, you and Sam would always run off to hang out.
You had a massive crush on him, and since you were young, you didn't really know how well to conceal it, so your cheeks were always red and your smile never faded with him.
You had a habit of taking pictures, the sunsets, the clouds, animals. You even have multiple blurry pictures of the moon. You took pictures of literally anything that made you happy, and eventually, you got comfortable enough with taking pictures of Sam any time you wanted to.
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He always posed or smiled, but that was always when he knew you were taking a picture. He'd even send you selfies throughout the day on days you weren't hanging out.
You snapped canid pictures of him, too. One of your favorites is him playing the guitar.
You were just kids at the time, not really knowing what love was exactly, but you knew that you didn't want to be without him, even if you were just friends.
That's what it was for a while. You mainly had his attention, even when he did get a girlfriend or talked to a girl. It was puppy, middle school love, so it never really lasted long.
Eventually, Colby started to hang out with you guys, becoming the trio that you are today, but we'll get into that.
Colby would always tease you about liking Sam. He knew before Sam ever did, which honestly to you, took a while for him to understand, or so you thought.
As you became friends for some time, Sam started to flirt back on occasion, mainly when it was just the two of you. When Colby was around, or anyone else for the matter, he wouldn't flirt.
He treated you like he treated Colby, on some levels that is, and it was like that for a while.
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
Sam and Colby grew big on Vine, quickly building a platform for themselves on YouTube.
You weren't in any of their videos, mainly because you just thought it was weird and you didn't think you could do it.
They've tried and tried again to get you to join them, and you did for maybe one or two videos, but you just sat back mostly, helping them with certain ideas and skits.
You were the girl who always got accused of being one of their girlfriends because you were always with them.
For a while you all took turns replying to certain tweets, denying it, but eventually, you all came to the realization that with fame, comes persistent fans, so all three of you decided to just let people think what they wanted.
You still wished that the rumors between you and Sam would come true, being a teenage girl, you were always told that a girl shouldn't chase a guy, but before you actually realized it, that's exactly what you were doing.
Once graduation hit, you moved from the place you grew up in, to LA.
Sam and Colby got a nice, lavish apartment, with an extra bedroom for editing and one for you, of course.
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You traveled with them. Explored with them.
You really became a big part of the 'XPLR' team and an even bigger part of you fell deeper in love with Sam.
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
PRESENT DAY
Sam has been heavy on your mind lately, mainly because you thought it was finally time to tell him how you were really feeling.
For years, you've convinced yourself that he knew and liked you, too. The constant flirting back and forth, finding yourself in moments to where you weren't really sure what was going to happen, but it was full of tension, but in a good way.
Sexual tension.
It was there, always surrounding the two of you at the best such as when you're filming a reaction video and he the way he looks at you is just pure lust, or even when you're at home, watching a movie and a sex scene comes on.
Your mind instantly goes to recreating it Sam, and the way he looks at you makes you think that he has those same thoughts with you.
Then there's the worst times, where you're out with friends, drinking. You take one tipsy look at Sam and you feel like you're done for. The only thing stopping you is completely making a fool out of not really yourself, but Sam.
So as usual, it doesn't go anywhere but shoved to the back of your mind.
You kept falling in love with him all over again, doing whatever it took to keep him in your life, but then everything took a turn and you suddenly felt yourself almost hating him.
Girl after girl, situation after situation, you found yourself wanting to distance yourself, save yourself from a massive heartbreak, but it was a little too late for that.
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
"Where are you going?" Sam asks, looking up at you as you get up from your chair.
"To get a drink." You laugh, "You want one?"
He nods, looking back down at his phone, "Yeah, can you bring me one of those strawberry smoothie things?" You purse your lips, "I think there's only one left."
He looks up from his phone dropping it into his lap, "Really?" You nod, "Yeah and that's what I was going to get."
After a few seconds of silence, you find yourself racing to the kitchen, trying to beat Sam to the fridge. He grabs your waist, pulling you back and spinning you away from the door, "No, it's mine!"
You turn, pushing him backwards, "No! I wanted it first!" You laugh, "It's mine!"
He wraps his arm around your waist, lifting you up so your feet are just off the floor, "No, no. It's mine." He walks you back to the couch and throws you onto it with a laugh, "Stay!"
He turns, running towards the kitchen but you leap off the couch, catching up to him and jumping onto his back.
His hands grip the back of your thighs, "Big mistake, missy."
You cover his eyes, "Oh yeah? Try finding the fridge now." He laughs, reaching one arm out in front of him, "You act like I don't have this kitchen engraved in my mind."
He walks over to the fridge and you extend an arm out, trying to stop him. He reaches up, you still clung to his back, and pulls your hand from his face, "Just.." he opens the door, "Let me.." he groans as he reaches forward for the bottle, "Have it!"
"No! It's mine!" You can't help but laugh, "Sam!"
He leans back and you slam your hands to his chest as you feel like you're going to fall, "No! Don't do that!"
He laughs and walks back, "Sit."
"No." You tighten your legs and he sighs, "Fine, we can stay here all day. I don't care." He laughs and you tilt your head, leaning over to look at him, "I'll sit.. if you promise to share it with me."
He sighs, "You're asking a lot." He smiles and looks over at you, "fine."
You hold out your pinky, "Promise."
He brings his hand up, locking his pinky with yours, "I promise."
You slide off his back onto the counter, keeping your eyes on him as he walks forward to the fridge and grabs the bottle.
He turns around, pretending like he's going to run away and you move forward, stopping when he stops, "Ha! Gotcha!"
"I hate you." You smile, rolling your eyes as you sit back comfortably, "Now, give me some." You reach out and he walks over, standing between your knees.
You take a quiet breath, looking up at him as he cracks open the drink.
You've always wanted him to fuck you on the counter. Every time you're in the kitchen with him, you have hopes of him just bending you over and-
"Y/n." Sam waves his hand in front of your face and you blink, "Hmm?"
"I said here." He holds the open drink up and you laugh, "Oh, yeah. Sorry." You take it, bringing it up to your lips.
"What are you doing? Daydreaming about me?" He teases with a smirk and you about choke on your drink, "Mm." You cover your mouth with your wrist, "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
He shrugs, "That depends."
"On what?" You tilt your head, taking a sip again and he sighs, laying his hands on your knees, "Tell me and I'll tell you."
"Mm, I see." You nod, "Okay. I was daydreaming about you... giving me the rest of this drink."
"I'll give you the rest of something." He mumbles before snatching the half full drink from your hand. He drink a little bit more of it, keeping his eyes on you as he tilts his head back slightly.
"Please do." You smirk and he shakes his head, "You'd like that too much." He hands you the drink back and steps back, "I'm going to go edit."
You let out a quiet sigh, "Okay."
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
A Few Hours Later
"What are you guys thinking for dinner?" Colby asks as he walks into the editing room. You sit up from the bed, glancing at Sam, "I honestly have no idea."
"Are we going out to eat or?" Sam leans back, spinning around in the chair to face Colby.
Colby nods, "I mean, how else are we going to celebrate that we got a yes to explore the place everyone else gets a no from."
Sam jumps up from the chair, "What!?" He lays a hand on his head, "Are you fucking kidding me? Are you fucking with me?"
You smile, watching Sam get exited like a kid in a candy store, "I don't think he's joking, Sam."
"Show me." Sam walks over, "Show me, that god dang email." He watches intently as Colby taps on his screen, "Now do you believe me?"
Sam takes a step backwards, "Do you know what this is going to do for us, Colby?" His eyes move to you and your smile grows smaller.
It's always been hot and cold with you and Sam.
One minute you could be inches away from kissing, then the next he's taking some girl to an abandoned zoo to hang out.
You think that it's because he probably doesn't know you like him, but then at the same time, you also think, how the fuck doesn't he know?
"Congratulations guys." You say getting up from the bed, "I'm proud of you both." You go to walk out, but stop when you feel a hand on your shoulder, "and where do you think you're going?"
You laugh slightly, turning around, "To my room?"
"It better be to get dressed because you're coming, too." Sam smiles and you tilt your head, "Really?"
Colby steps in, "Y/n. You have been with us from the start. You've helped us crack some of the cases we weren't even sure we could. You're a vital part of this, so yes. Of course you're coming."
You nod, "Okay. I'll go get ready." You slowly turn and walk to your room, Colby's speech replaying in your head.
You loved both of them, Colby platonically, Sam, not so much.
You'd be his if he asked, in a heartbeat. You've loved that man since you first laid eyes on him in middle school.
But it's never been you.
You sit down at your vanity, cycling through your lip sticks as you decide on what color dress you should wear tonight.
"Hey." Sam's voice is quiet and you turn around, "Can we talk?" You nod, setting down the lipstick tube, "What's up, Sam?"
He walks over, sitting on the end of your bed. He chews on the inside of his cheek, "So, I'm thinking about inviting someone to dinner and I figured that maybe you can help her feel comfortable throughout the night? Talk with her, ya know. Be her friend?"
You're kind of shocked, but you shouldn't be. Yes, Sam shows interests in you, but it's mainly when there's not someone else trying to get his attention.
As much as you don't want to feel like a second choice, that's honestly how you end up feeling at the end of the day.
"Yeah." You smile, lying through your teeth, "Not a problem at all."
"Really?" He sighs, "Thank you. She's kind of nervous because you know how people are, and if it gets out that we're ce-"
"I know how it goes Sam." You laugh slightly, "Don't worry about it."
"I owe you one." He stands up, giving you a smile as he turns and walks away. You turn back to the mirror and see him stop.
You watch as he turns around, leaning against the doorframe, "You should wear the white dress." He knocks on the frame and smirks before he disappears.
You sit there, analyzing the situation, which you know you shouldn't do because it's just going to drive you insane, like why tell you what dress to wear?
What's it matter?
You huffed, taking a deep breath as you switch on your curling iron. You set it down, giving it time to heat up by getting all of your makeup that you're going to use out.
You paint your lips in the deep red color, smirking as you know it'll go good with that ivory white color.
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
After curling your hair, you stand up, walking over to your closet and opening the doors. You push through the clothes, eyes dragging up and down every other dress option until you reach that certain one.
You take it off the hanger, turning around to lay it on your bed. You walk over to the door, getting ready to close it, when Colby's hand stops it from closing completely.
"Colby?" You question and open the door a bit more, "I'm getting ready to change."
He nods, "It'll be quick, I just want to make sure you're good."
You give him a confused look, "I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be?"
He shrugs, "I just know big dinners aren't really your thing, so I just wanted to-"
"I'm good, Colbs. Thank you." You give him a smile, knowing that that isn't why he asked. You've been tied at the hip with them for years.
He knows you like the back of his hand, but he never wants to push to get answers from you. He knows you'll come to him if it ever came down to it.
You close the door and turn out, letting out a sigh because you weren't fine. If you didn't have such great self control, you would have smacked sense into Sam when he was sitting on the end of your bed.
You walk over, taking off your clothes to replace them with the beautiful ivory dress in front of you. It was a chiffon wrap dress with mesh sleeves, and to say the least, you were in love with it.
You walk over, bending down to find a pair of heels to match, and quickly enough, you found a pair right on top.
You make sure you have everything you need for the night before flicking the lights off as you walk out of your room.
Colby whistles as you walk down the steps and you smirk, "Boosting my ego, are we?" You walk over to him and he shrugs, "Like it's my job." He laughs and leans back against the counter to check his phone, "Yo Sam! We gotta get going, brotha."
You've got to be kidding me, you think as Sam walks down the steps. He's wearing a, pretty much, all white outfit. The only thing that isn't white are his shoes and the zipper on his jacket.
Same ivory color as your dress.
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"Are we ready?" Sam asks as he opens his gold glasses to put them on. Colby laughs, "We were waiting for you, so question is." Colby points to Sam, "Are you ready?"
Sam laughs and runs his hand through his hair, "Let's do it."
You follow them towards the door and they let you walk out first. You stop before the steps, waiting for them to shut and lock the door.
You follow Colby down the steps towards the car, Sam following behind you. Colby opens your door, letting you get in first.
You sit in the back row with Colby. Sam in the row in front of you guys because, you know, he has a date and all.
"Where to?" The driver asks and Sam hums, "Mm. One second." You watch over his shoulder as he asks some, Lylah, what her address is.
Colby nudges you and you look back at him. He smiles as he shakes his head, mouthing, "What are you doing?"
You lean back, whispering to him, "Just being nosey."
You laugh, along with Colby and Sam turns around, "Secrets don't make friends you know." You raise your brows, looking down to pick at your dress with your fingers, "Lots of things don't make friends, Sam."
You force a laugh, trying to not make it seem as deep as it really is, to you at least.
You can feel Colby stare at you as Sam tells the driver where he's supposed to go and you just shake your head.
You didn't have to talk to Colby about anything, because he already knew.
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
You come to a stop outside a rich looking apartment building, it looks like a fancy hotel.
Sam gets out and you bend down, leaning over Colby as you peer out the window, "Shit." You whisper quietly.
"Do you know this girl, Colby?" You ask leaning back up. Colby shrugs, "I've met her once, I think? It was when we were going meet and greets, she came and hung out with us with for the day, but I barely spoke to her."
"Hmm. Okay." You nod, leaning back against the seat, watching from the corner of your eye as Sam and his lady friend walk around to get in.
There's a perfectly good door.. right there, you think, rolling your eyes subtly as her head dips into view, "Hi Colby."
"Hey. How are ya?" Colby nods and she sits down with a sigh, "I'm actually doing pretty good." Her eyes move to you, "Hi y/n." She tilts her head, "I love the dress you're wearing."
Sam gets in, glancing back at you after closing the door.
Yeah, Sam told me to wear it, is what you want to say, "Thank you, it's the chiffon wrap dress from the new collection that just dropped from Zelenki's."
"Oh, yes! I love their clothing. I just bought a pair of jeans from there the other day. I'm super excited to see them." She smiles, turning towards Sam, "We need to get this guy on their site. He would look so good in some of their button ups."
She points to Sam and you nod, "Yeah, I'm sure he would."
Her face kinda falls for a second before she blinks and brushes her bangs from her face, "So where are we going to celebrate?"
"We decided on Ambiance." Colby says and she claps her hands together, "I love going there." She looks at you, "Y/n, if you're into alcohol, they have the best martini's."
You nod, "You bet I'll be drinking tonight."
Colby taps your leg, trying not to laugh, and you shrug, "To celebrate these guys getting the deal of a lifetime."
"Well, I wouldn't say t- well, you know what. We can say that." Sam laughs, smiling as he looks back at Colby.
Colby reaches up, patting Sam's shoulder, "This year is going to be sick for us."
After arriving to the restaurant, you get out and stand next to Colby. Sam and Lylah walk around and you have to look away, because if you don't, your face will give it away that you think her dress is completely ridiculous.
It looks like a prom dress that's been cut at the thigh.
"Pretty dress." You force a smile and she slides her hand down the front to smooth it out, "Thanks. Sam actually told me to wear it, he said he wanted to do a blue and white thing to kind of match."
Her eyes graze up and down your dress, moving to Sam's outfit as she lays her hand on his chest. You can tell that it really bothers her that you and Sam are the ones who are actually matching.
It's written all over her face.
"Alright." Colby claps his hands together, "Let's go in, because I'm hungry." He wraps his arm around your waist, leading you inside a head of Sam and Laylah.
"Brock and Golbach." Colby tells the host and he nods, "Ah yes. Right this way please."
You follow Colby through the sea of tables, making your way to the one room in the back corner.
"Your waitress will be right with you." The host nods and walks away.
Colby pulls your chair out, allowing you to sit before taking his seat next to yours. Sam sits in front of Colby, Layla in front of you.
"So, she leans forward, the martini I was talking about was this one." She points her pink painted nail onto the little card, "The chocolate martini. It's to die for."
Colby sniffles, hinting that you need to be nice, so you smile, "I think that's what I'll get then. Put your trust to the test." You wink at her and lean back, looking down at your menu.
You really did want to be nice to her, but mainly because Sam asked you to. But, at the same time, he doesn't see what's right in front of him, so you also wanted to kind of give him a, hey, fuck you.
"The pomegranate martini is also really good." You look up at her and she tilts her, "Well then I guess I'll have to put your trust to the test." She smiles and you laugh slightly with a nod, "Alright then."
As time goes on, more friends of Sam and Colby come in, joining the table. Everyone orders and now you're conversing back and forth with different people.
Every so often, your eyes will move towards Sam, and his eyes will meet yours.
Every time, you ask yourself why, and even how can he be so blind?
Colby lays his arm on the top of your chair, Sam's eyes following his movements before bringing his glass to his lips. He looks over at Laylah, leaning in to take a selfie with her.
He smiles that beautiful smile and you force yourself to look away.
"so y/n. Will you be joining the boys on this exciting trip?" Laylah sets her phone down, folding her arms over one another as she leans forward.
You look between Sam and Colby, shrugging slightly, "It's ultimately up to them, but I would lo-"
Sam and Colby speak at the same time, cutting you off, "She's coming."
Not only you, but Laylah raises her brows too, "Well I guess that answers that." She laugh, bringing her wide mouthed glass to her lips, finishing the rest of her drink, "I'm going to go get another one, y/n. Care to join?"
You reach down, grabbing your glass and finishing it, "I would love to." You smile, rising from your seat, smiling to the others as you walk around the long and full table.
"So, anything new with you?" She asks as you walk up to the bar. You shrug, "Nothing really." You laugh, "I mean, nothing more than the trips to investigate the ghostly world."
She nods, "I could never do that." She looks away to raise a hand to the bartender then back to you, "Is it really as scary as the videos make it seem?"
You nod, "Oh yeah. It's one thing to watch it through a screen but it's another thing to actually be there and witness it."
She nods, "Yeah I bet." She turns, "I'll have another pomagranete martini, and she'll have.." she points to you and you lean in, "Make it two."
The bartender nods and Laylah turns back to you, "So I don't really know how to ask this." She laughs, "Um."
"Just ask. I'm an open book." You smile and your smile quickly fades when the words leave her lips, "Clearly."
"What's that supposed to mean?" You tilt your head, slightly confused as to what changed. She clears her throat, "If you have a thing for Sam, I'm going to need you to drop it."
"If I have a- what? What the hell are you talking about?" You laugh, "I don't have a thing for Sam."
"Then why did you dress to match him? Why is it that I find you looking at him every time you think I'm not looking?" She sighs, "I get it, Sam is very, very handsome, and it's okay to be a little jealous, but can you not let your jealousy seep through, because if it happens anymore, it'll literally stain my dress."
You stand there, completely dumbfounded in silence.
She turns, "Oh, thank you." She grabs the glasses, handing one to you, "Cheers." She winks and starts walking back to the table.
You follow her, your cheeks heating up as you become angry at what just happened. You take a calming breath before you pass through the doors, putting on a smile as you walk back around to your seat.
"Everything go okay?" Sam asks and Laylah smiles, glancing up at you, "Oh yeah. Everything is just perfect." She leans over, pressing a kiss to his cheek and you clench your jaw.
You bring your glass to your lips and take a long sip.
"Attention, everyone." Someone at the end of the table stands up as they clink their glass. You lean forward, looking around Colby to see and you smile when you see their friend standing there.
"I just want to say a huge congratulations to Sam and Colby for landing this investigation. This is going to be one of the biggest investigations they've ever done and I cannot be more proud of them, so without further ado, please. Give my pals a huge, huge round of applause."
Sam and Colby stand up, smiling and batting their hands. You reach out, grabbing your phone so you can record a story for Instagram.
You smile as you type the words, congratulations guys. You deserve this so, so, so much!
You tag them and set your phone back down after posting. Colby leans in, "You're a part of this, too. Don't let them saying just us fool you."
You really felt like part of the team, that was until you got back from Italy, but that'll come with time.
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
After dinner and an hour or two of talking about Poveglia, the four of you make your way back to the car.
"How long will you be in Italy for?" Laylah asks laying her hand on Sam's shoulder. She twirls his hair around her finger and you roll your eyes as you look away.
"A few days, four at most. We planned on seeing Venice again while we're over that way." Sam looks at her, giving her a smile.
She smiles, her eyes glancing back at you before she runs her hair through his hair, "Do you know when you leave?"
You and Colby look at each other, giving each other a look of disgust.
You knew what she was doing, and she knew it, too.
Sam shrugs, "Probably not for another week or so."
"So we have time to spend together before you flee the country." She giggles, "I mean, that's only if you want to."
Sam nods, "I mean.. I don't see why not." He chuckles and points, "Here, I'll walk you to the door." Sam opens the door when the driver stops and helps her out.
As soon as the door shuts, word vomit.
"When I went up to bar with her to get another drink, she cornered me and pretty much flipped out on me. She said that if I have a thing for Sam I need to drop it and then asked why I dressed to match him and then she said that I took any chance I got when she wasn't look, or I thought she wasn't looking to look at him and then to top it off she said that if anymore jealously seeped out of me it would literally stain her dress."
You take a breath and look at Colby who's staring at you, "I'm sorry, what?"
"She basically sa-" you stop talking as soon as the door opens again, and Sam gets back in, turning around to look at you, "So did you have fun?"
"Oh yeah." You raise your brows, "So much fun."
The driver starts to drive you guys back home.
"Are you okay?" Sam asks and you look up, ready to snap but you bite your tongue, "I'm fine, I just.. have a headache."
"Mm." Sam nods and turns back around. He brings his phone up, "What the fuck?"
"What's going on, Sam?" Colby asks and Sam face his phone towards you and Colby, "She's literally blowing up my phone."
"Why?" You ask, and Sam scoffs, "Why is she saying that you cornered her at the bar?"
"I didn't. If you want the truth she cornered me. I literally just told Colby everything that happened as soon as you got out." You motion towards Colby, "She accused me of liking you and basically said that I dressed to match you on purpose which, Sam. If I'm correct. You told me to wear this fucking dress."
"Let's not argue in here, please." Colby says trying to defuse the situation.
"Who said we're arguing?" You and Sam say the same time and you both huff.
"Exactly." Colby shakes his head, "Can we just wait until we get h-"
"Why would she say that you did though?" Sam looks at you and you shrug, "I don't know, maybe because she knows that we're close and I was bound to tell you?"
"Were you going to tell me?" Sam tilts his head and you shake your head, "No."
"Why?"
"Because Sam. I don't really think it matters, does it." You snap and the driver awkwardly puts his hand up, "You guys are uh.." he clears his throat, "Home."
"Thank you." You all say in unison. Colby gets out and helps you out and Sam comes around, ready to keep going but you walk away.
"Really?" He says loudly, "You're just going to walk away?" We need to talk about this."
"Can we do this inside?" Colby tries again but you stop in your tracks, turning around on your heels to walk back to him, "Do you really want to know why it's really not that important Sam?"
"Guys come on." Colby groans, "Please."
Ignoring Colby, Sam nods, "Yeah. I really do."
"Because you're bound to take your new girlfriend's side anyway, so why does hearing my side even matter?" You throw your arms up, "I've been trying to get-"
You stop talking and Sam tilts his head, "Trying to get what, y/n." Sam says plainly and you snort, "I don't even.." you shake your head, "You're so blind to certain things in front of you, that you just.."
You shake your head, "I can't do this. I can't do this right now." You blink away the tears that are forming quickly and turn to go inside.
Colby is standing there with the door already open and you barge past him. Sam on your tail calling out for you, "Y/n. Wait. Wait."
You stop halfway up the steps, "it doesn't. Matter. Sam. What don't you get."
He gets pissed, "Fine. Then don't fucking tell me. If you just want to run from this like you run from everything else th-" he stops talking, quickly coming to the realization that what he said was not what he wanted to come out.
You stand there, letting the tears you tried to blink away, fall, "Fuck. You."
You turn, running up to your room, shutting the door with a slam. You grab a suitcase, sobbing as you begin to throw clothes into it.
You hear footsteps come to your door and you sniffle, holding your breath so you can try and hear who it is.
There's a knock and you sigh, nose stuffy, "Go away, Sam." You wipe your cheek with your palm and Colby speaks from the other side of the door, "It's not Sam."
You take a second, hesitating to open the door but you give in. You walk over, cracking the door open and walking away to sit on your bed.
He slips in, not opening the door more than he has to, "Hey."
You sniffle, laughing slightly, "Hey."
He walks over, sitting next to you, "Are you-"
He stops talking as you look at him with a mascara streaked face. He nods, "Right. Yeah." You shake your head, looking towards the door, "What happened to us?"
"Us? You and me were fine." He smirks and you smile slightly, "You know what I mean."
He nods, "I don't think anything happened, y/n. I think.." he pauses and you look at him, "Just say it. I know you already know so just.." you push your hands out in front of you, "Lay it on me. Can't do much more damage."
"I'm just going to tell you what I think is happening, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, okay?" He look at you and you nod.
He nods, "Okay, so what I think happened, is that you are sick of Sam not seeing that you're in love with him."
Colby's words hurt, and the fact that they're true, makes it hurt even worse.
You nod, silently as you try not to cry.
"I also think, now, I love Sam to death, and I will tell you in true honestly that I did call him out on this, but I think Sam has led you on in a way." Colby looks over to the door and back to you.
"He's not on the other side of the door listening is he?" You point to it and Colby shakes his head, "No. he's in his room, waiting for his turn with therapist Colby."
You laugh slightly, taking in a sharp breath as your urge to cry comes back, "I just.." your voice cracks with your words, "I can't keep doing this."
"I know." Colby whispers, laying his arm around your shoulder, "I know."
"The constant flirting, him telling me to wear a dress that matches him without even telling me it matches and then completely blindsiding me with, oh he wanted to do a blue and white matching theme, fuck that."
You stand up, "I just don't-" you lay your hand on your face, "We go from being so close to kissing to this?" You gently fling your arms, "I jus-" you take a deep breath, "Have fun in Italy, call me when you can."
You zip your suit case and Colby grabs it, "No, I want you to come."
"I can't be around him, Colby. As much as I want to, I just.. it'll ruin everything."
"Everything already is ruined. Sam isn't going to forgive himself for what he said." Colby stands up and you shrug, "He can figure that out on his own. I'm done trying to get myself out of these feelings. I'm done trying to act like it's okay for him to hug me from behind then act like we're friends who just met, I'm just.. done trying to get him to love me.."
You look at Colby, "I'm done trying."
Colby frowns, "Y/n."
"I'm serious Colby, I'll come get the rest of my stuff when you guys leave for Italy." You pull the handle out from your suitcase and shake your head, "Make sure to tell him everything I said."
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
It's been two days since they've left for Italy.
As you're lying in bed, in your room at their house, your pillow soaked from your tears that you can't turn off, your mind slips into the good memories of you and Sam.
"No. You can't be serious, Sam." You laugh, reaching across his body for grab a card.
He watches you as you slowly lean back, "What's it say?"
"It says.. what was the last dirty message you received?" You bite your lip and tilt your head. He copies your motion and raises his eyebrows, "Can I skip?"
You shake your head, "No way, Golbach. Spill it or.." You smirk, "Take three shots." He presses his lips together and tilts his head back, looking down his nose at you, "Gimme the bottle, baby."
You bite your lip as you reach for the bottle, sliding it across the table to stop in front of him.
He pours a shot, takes it. Then another, then the third and final shot, "Now what?" He leans in, "Are you going to tell me yours?"
Your eyes move from his lips to his eyes, "What if I say no?" You bite your lip and he shrugs, raising his eyebrows, "You tell me."
You back away from each other as Colby comes down the steps, "You're playing without me? Thanks for the invite I guess."
You roll onto your other side, trying to escape them, but you just can't.
"Whatcha doin?" Sam asks waking into the kitchen. You smile as you continue to scrub the glass dish, "Dishes."
"You know we have a dishwasher, right?" He laughs and you look over at him, "Not everything is dishwasher safe, Sam."
"I'm just saying.. nothing has broken on me.. yet." He laughs and walks up behind you, "Watcha listenin' to?"
You laugh, "Music."
You feel him walk up behind you and your scrubbing gradually slows down, "Why don't you take a break, I'm sure you've done enough damage on that dish, and dance with me."
You set the dish down and look at him over your shoulder, "What?"
He grabs your waist, spinning you around, "You heard me." He smiles and takes your bubble covered hand into his, his other hand still on your hip.
He pulls you a step out away from the sink and pulls you along with him. He laughs as he steps back, sliding his other hand into hours and you lift your arms, laughing as he spins you around.
He pulls you into his chest and wraps his arms around your neck, "You know, you're fun to hang out with."
You sob into your pillow, angry at Sam all over again.
Your phone dings, and you assume that it's probably just Colby, giving you hourly updates on how their investigation is going.
You lift your head, picking up your phone when it chimes again.
Sam: I'm sorry
You force out a laugh, trying not to cry, "Don't do this." You close your eyes, "I can't." You whisper, clearing his message from your Home Screen.
You sit up, looking around at your half packed room.
You wanted to be out by the time they got back, you told Colby you were leaving, you also told him not to tell Sam.
As you stand up, throwing things into a box, your phone dings, and then a few more times, and you groan, "I swear to.. fuck." You groan, leaning down to grab it, eyes watering at each message you read.
Sam: I want you so much. You're all I fucking think about. please. Talk to me. I need to I don't know, explain my self I guess? I wasn't ready I didn't think I was ready to actually settle down and I know that's what you want or wanted with me Y/n Please don't just read these
An incoming call from Colby interrupts your stare at the texts that are still coming through, "Hello?"
"Please don't kill him." Colby says frantic on the other end of the phone. You furrow your brows, sniffling, obvious that you've been doing nothing but crying, "What are you-"
There's banging on the front door.
Loud, repetitive, non stop banging.
"What's fucking happening?" You pull your phone away from your ear, seeing Sam's texts,
Open the door I left everything in Italy
You put the phone back up to your ear, "Why is he here"
Colby sighs, "Just talk to him."
"No." You snap and Colby talks immediately, "Look, y/n. Neither one of us can do this investigation. We have to convince the people who own this to reschedule our visit. Sam couldn't keep it together for the intro."
"Really?"
"Yes, really. Now please." He sighs, "Just go. Open. The door."
"Fine." You hang up, making your way down the steps. You move the curtain on the door and look out at a soaking wet Sam.
"Please." His words are muffled from the door being shut, but you can still tell what he's saying, "I love you."
You clench your jaw, unlocking the door and opening it, "Where was that before all of this?" You step out side the door, the pouring rain coming down onto you now, "do you know how painful it was to have feelings for someone you can't be with?"
"Y/n." Sam shrugs, lifting his hands from his sides, but you keep going, "Do you know how many times, I've wished for you to not be in love with someone else? Then you go and hang out with a girl at a place you took me to first?"
"I'm sorry." His voice cracks, "Just please.. let-"
"I was jealous that night Sam, the night you asked me to play nice with your new girlfriend, Laylah. I was so fucking jealous Sam. But do you know how fucking stupid I felt? Being jealous over someone that wasn't even mine?"
He nods and you scoff, "I don't think you do because if you would have asked me to be yours, I would have said yes in a fucking heartbeat and don't even come back with the you should have asked me, because I know damn well that you could tell I loved you, Colby even picked up on it before you did."
Sam stands there, staring at you, eyes red from crying.
Hair dripping wet from the rain, you can't judge him because you look the same way.
"We're almost the literal definition of he likes her, she likes him. It's obvious to everyone except them.. but the only difference is, I knew what I wanted. I wanted you and all you did was lead me on."
Tears mix in with the beads of rain that form on your cheeks, your voice breaking, "It shouldn't have come to this, Sam."
You stand still as he walks up to you, "Y/n."
"It.." you sniffle, "It feels like you destroyed me, Sam."
"Let me fix it." He mumbles as he slides his hands over your cheeks, tilting your head up so you can look at him, "Please." He rests his forehead against yours, "Let me fix it."
"There's nothing-"
He cuts you off, "Don't say there's nothing to do. Because there's everything to do."
You sob quietly, his hands still on your cheeks. His thumbs brush gently over your wet skin, "I called whatever it was off with Laylah the night we got into it. The night you left me."
Your eyes meet his, "Why."
"Because I knew that my forever was walking out that door and I knew I had to do everything in my power to get it back." He sniffles, "You've supported me since day one. You've loved me.. since day one."
"Why now, Sam? Why after you flew all the way to Italy? Why after it took me telling Colby I was done with everything? It shouldn't have come to this."
He doesn't say anything, the rain smacking against the pavement fills your ears.
You reach up, grabbing his wrists to pull them away but he presses his lips to yours.
As much as you want to pull away, you can't.
"Sam." You slide your hands around his neck, lips moving with his as he slides his hands down to pull your hips against his.
"Please." He whispers, sniffling as he gently brushes his nose again your cheek, "Y/n."
You stay silent, the only sound that comes from you is a few sniffles.
"I can't do anything without you." Sam wipes your cheeks with his thumbs, "I wish I knew how stupid I was being. I tried to push you away because I didn't want to hurt you. I wasn't ready, but y/n, sweetheart, the risk of you walking out of my life forever has made me realize that I want you. I want you in so many ways, it's actually kind of insane."
You look up at him, "It shouldn't have taken.. this.. for you to finally realize what you want, Sam."
He shakes his head, "I won't ever let it get to that point ever again, because you're mine." He lifts you up, your legs hugging his waist like they've always dreamed of doing.
Your arms snake around his neck, not saying another word as he walks through the door, kicking it closed, "I promise."
You lean in, hugging him as he walks over to the couch. He sits down and you moving your legs to straddle his lap.
You lean back, hands sliding around his neck to cup his wet cheeks. Your eyes move around his face, back and forth between his eyes before you lean in, pressing your lips to his.
The heat you have always dreamed up, felt every time your eyes met his, is there.
And it's hotter than ever.
"I love you." Sam whimpers against your lips, "I'm so sorry."
You shake your head, "We can talk later. Right now.. I just.." you rest your forehead against his, "Wanna be with you."
He nods, sweeping your body over to lay under his. His lips kiss from your him, down your neck, "I wish.. I knew how to love you like this before."
You run a hand through his hair, unsure of what to say. He kisses back up to your lips, "Do you want to do this?"
You nod, tugging at his shirt, "Please."
He leans up, pulling his soaked shirt up over his body and tossing it onto the floor. You sit up and he does the same to your shirt, "You're so fucking beautiful."
His lips reconnect to yours and you moan quietly as he slowly grinds against you. He kisses back to your ear, his voice quiet, almost sounding like it's going to break, "You were the only girl I could ever think about."
Your eyes start to burn and you turn your head, reaching up to grab his so you can turn it towards you and kiss you.
The kiss is hot. Full of passion.
It's what you wanted all along.
He slides his hands down, slipping them into your rain soaked sweatpants. He pulls them down your legs, and reaches for the button on his pants, popping them open as he leans back down to kiss you.
He stands up, discarding his wet jeans to the floor before hovering his body back over yours.
He pushes his boxers down, just enough for his cock to spring free and he slips your panties to the side. Not wasting another second, he drops his head to your shoulder as he slowly slips his cock into you, burying it deep inside with a groan.
You gasp, clinging to him as you tighten your legs around his waist, breathing out a whiney, "Sam."
His nose brushes against your cheek as he lifts his head, "I love you, I'm so sorry." He pulls out, slowly thrusting back in, "I'm so sorry."
You wrap your arms around his neck, gasping with each thrust into you, "I love you." Your voice breaks, a small moan following after, "I've always loved you."
"I wish I knew I could have loved you like this." He kisses down your neck and back up, groaning lowly in your ear, "I wish I knew what I was risking."
You squeeze your eyes shut, a tear slipping down and falling down your cheek, "Don't ever.." you tangle your fingers in his hair, "Don't ever leave."
"Never." He pulls one of your hands down, interlocking it with his against your head as he lifts his to look at you, "I love you. No one could ever take your place."
You smile slightly and nod, "I'm holding you to it."
"As long as you need, baby." Sam smiles and sighs, "You were made for me." He kisses your lips, groaning against them as he thrusts harder but still slow.
You drag your nails up his back, moaning as he moves his head down to suck a mark into your neck.
His grip on your hand tightens, "I love you so fucking much."
You weren't ever going to get sick of hearing that.
You were relieved to finally be hearing it in the first place.
"I love you." You whisper, moaning as he lets go of your hand to bring it down to squeeze your boob. You tug his hair, arching your back as much as you can against his, "S-Sam."
"Cum with me, babe. Can you hold it?" He rests his forehead against yours as his fingers twist your nipple between his fingers.
You whimper, giving his a slight nod and he hums in response, "Almost there, sweetheart."
He thrusts a few moments longer before he kisses your cheek a few times, "Okay, okay, let go for me. Cum for me." His voice is quiet and his thrusts slow down as he feels you clench around him.
You let out a loud moan, pulling him into you as your nails dig into his skin.
He groans, pulling you closer by the hips, "F-fuck, fuck." He pulls out, letting his cum spill onto your lower stomach with a low moan.
You rest your head back, breathing heavy as your body relaxes.
He reaches down, grabbing his damp shirt and wiping you off. He tosses it down and holds his hand out, "Come here."
He pulls you to a sitting position and you immediately fall into him. He wraps his arms around you and hugs you tightly, "I'm sorry it took me this long to realize."
"Better late than never, right?" You look up at him and he nods, "I guess." He smiles, pressing his lips to your forehead, "Go get a shower, standing out in the rain might get you sick."
"Only if you'll come with me. I'm not doing anything without you for a while."
.·:*¨ ✘ ¨*:·.
Genuinely sorry if this sucked. I'm not sure how I feel about it, honestly. So tell me how you liked it.
As always, thanks for reading & I love you!
Likes and reblogs are majorly appreciated 🖤
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aibyoutachi · 8 months
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pageant outfits
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gunsatthaphan · 10 months
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???
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darkacademiaposts · 2 years
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"I wish I knew what to do with my life, what to do with my heart...I do nothing all day, boredom settles in, I look at the sky so I get to feel even smaller than I already feel and my mind keeps poisoning itself uselessly."
Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals Of Sylvia Plath
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izoldalovesthesun · 4 months
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Every time I see any post about Sebastian from Stardew Valley, I absolutely devour the content. I don’t tend to obsess over a lot of fictional characters so I really wish I knew what it said about me psychologically that this man, this angsty, frog-loving, mildly antisocial, video game husband has me giddy. (My IRL partner is nothing like him?) What’s the science behind this!
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asterionscat · 1 year
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Every Frankenstein adaptation should include a Clerval.
I'm sorry, but you will never be 5 stars if you don't have the bestest friend in the whole world to give Victor emotional support.
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levmada · 6 months
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Hii regarding your tags on that autism fueled-rant post, you mentioned talking about the ramifications that the aftermath of the rumbling would have and!! I have been thinking about that nonstop for the past couple of weeks and I’ve been searching everywhere for posts discussing it and I haven’t found much in depth stuff!! I haven’t read the entire manga but I have read the conclusion and I really don’t like how it just timeskips and doesn’t discuss much about what life is like after. So rn I’m working on a post-rumbling fic to fill in the blanks of what things would be like the following year. If you’re cool with exchanging ideas about it, what do you think would have transpired?
MANNNN you have no idea how long i've wanted to talk to someone abt this!!! i totally feel your pain😭
sooo we know that the world map of aot is just backwards + upside down version of the real world. this is even more supported by names like the Port of Acrifa (Africa) and Salta (Atlas) - to explain the names of regions in the map below.
what we don't know is just about everything else. cultures, technology, populations everywhere except for Paradis, Marley (and very roughly) Hizuru? nope. so this is going to require some speculating.
credit to this reddit post for the best approximation of aot's world map.
I highlighted Paradis in yellow, marked L for Liberio, and i marked X where Fort Salta is. really all you need to know about that place (if you don't already) is that's where the Rumbling stops.
therefore, the Rumbling got this far:
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so, what the fuck does THIS mean?
WELL FIRST OF ALL...
this is a map of where the Walls are canonically situated on Paradis Island:
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...did Eren actually get the Titans to stomp out all life on the majority of the fucking island???? did the Wall Titans just step around all people inhabiting those areas?? are there enough gaps between the individual Wall Titans to preserve the island?
also, did just the Wall Maria Titans walk? otherwise the only preserved part of Paradis would be all the land in Wall Sina.
if i'm missing something, please let me know. i'm going to operate on the assumption that it's a plot hole, because otherwise, Paradis would be a destroyed nation after the Rumbling.
therefore, the timeskip where Paradis is shown to be a thriving fascist military state simple wouldn't make sense.
moving on, during the Rumbling, 80% of humanity is just exterminated. so the vast majority of the human population was apparently concentrated in Marley (the African continent), and parts of the Middle East and Asia.
we're never given a number for the human population on AOT's earth before the rumbling, but say we placed it at 1.5 billion like our earth in 1920—to adjust for the technology apparently available seen mostly in Marley (black and white photographs, model-t cars, etc).
120 million people. so it seems a bit more realistic that 120 million people could be left in the unshaded region.
it doesn't need to be said that Marley has practically been wiped out. so what does that mean for the world?
at best, it's gone from the leading world power to a “third-world” country. That's pretty much the bulk of the devastation from a political perspective, but the leading world power is gone.
imagine modern China or the USA just disappearing off the face of the earth. Marley contained the majority of the world's population too. so total economic collapse, right?? a global recession, economic ruin for decades to come.
would war immediately break out for that land?
FUCK NO!! it's pure wasteland coated with blood, flattened ruin, and carrion. totally inhospitable. there is nothing left. (that's depicted in a panel from ch139 that i won't show just in case of spoilers.)
but you can bet your ass that nations after the Rumbling are going to turn on Paradis. right, Eren frightened the world into submission—but he said himself that it'll be decades before there's a counterattack. so in the meantime, Paradis canonically becomes a fascist military state.
WORLD WAR.
a few decades after the Rumbling ends, there will be all-out war, and not just out of the fear and hatred we're familiar with.
however, in the following year like you asked, by-far i imagine people globally would be in a complete state of shock, still reeling—especially politically—from the devastation. that's the best way I would sum it up.
probably imagine the state of the world after WW2, except the political and socio-economic equivalent of the USA and parts of western Europe were bombed into nothingness.
and resources?
what effect did such decimation of life on earth the Rumbling caused do to the entire continent of (what is) Africa, the Middle East and a part of Asia?
i don't know enough about Africa, the Middle East and Asia to explain accurately, honestly. but undoubtedly, Eren fucked everyone over in severe respects globally and he didn't even succeed in exterminating humanity.
But also, we can't assume that the world of AOT is a perfect replica of our own in terms of... well, anything besides size and climate. the most useful info we know is that the vast majority of the world's population is (was) situated in those places.
climate map:
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the majority of the world's deserts and tropical grasslands + much of the grassland is just.... gone.
so much farmland. at least I don't think that the world would be starving, but considering the economic breakdown i mentioned earlier, there would be plenty of anarchy in the first year following the Rumbling.
surely there would be a global shortage of oil? essential minerals found only in deserts? many types of animals would be extinct or pushed to the brink of it.
as for the ocean, Wall Titans are seen swimming through it, but what kind of impact would all that heat have on marine life?? NOT GOOD ONES.
sorry that i'm simply not knowledgable enough to give out many specifics, but for anyone who is, please add on if you'd like :) there's a ton of factors to consider in what the world would be like post-Rumbling, many of which i think would have to be filled in by fans since Isayama doesn't fill many blanks.
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Omg guys look it’s New York and he’s crying 😱😱😱😭😭😭😔😔😔😔
(this me humbly asking you lovelies to pls feel free to send me NY hc’s [especially angsty ones] 💕
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bean-n-shroob · 2 months
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Hey cackletta did you ever cry before?
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What makes you think I'm the type to cry?
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where do u find the snk/aot official art thats like recent?? I tried looking but none are active and i cant find any when i look it up 😭😭
i'm sry for being so useless, but i have no clue 😭😭 i'm in some servers with some aot friends that will post them and i come across them on dash, but that's about it :')
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samandcolby-ownme · 1 month
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Do you wanna see the new cover for my next one shot? It’s a Sam Golbach one, a slow burn, smutty emotional one shot titled, I Wish I Knew.
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It’s almost like the lgbtqwerty cult has become so hateful and vile in recent years that I went from a “I really don’t care what you do” attitude to now being openly hostile to their way of life. Way to turn the people who were on the fence against you.
I think there is a small subset of the left that wants everyone to hate them for some reason and rather than accepting anything else, they've begun to antagonize outsiders in the hope of generating more of that hate. Don't give them that.
There's really something quite sad about someone who is so committed to feeling hated that they get mad when you tell them you don't hate them. I don't hate them but I do pity them.
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blogmatsu · 2 years
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I'm not sure a lot of people caught on to this joke or is confused by it due to the lack of specificity in the translation, which idk why they left it out. (Like, they cut out almost the entirety of what Karamatsu was asking.)
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In this part, the subs just say "Why are you--"
when actually, Karamatsu asks:
「なんで一松服の下にそんな--」
"Under Ichimatsu's clothes, why something like that--"
The joke implies that Ichimatsu was wearing something....*weird* under his clothes.
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After realizing that Karamatsu was telling the truth about his X-Ray vision, Ichimatsu proceeds to cover his chest or torso.
So, not only was Ichimatsu not wearing any underwear, but he was wearing something else on him, or atleast on his upper body.
That's why when Ichimatsu calls Karamatsu a pervert, Karamatsu retorts that the pervert here is Ichimatsu.
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damnamour · 2 years
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wanderingmind867 · 18 days
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I've got 206 followers, while I only follow 193 people. I have at least 10 more people following me. You would think this would please the part of me that finds attention validating (it's a small part of me, but it is there. I just know it's small because I know I couldn't handle actual constant attention or fame). But no, instead I treat this as an excuse to feel down again. And I'll explain why:
In a sentence: laziness and a fear of being sedentary. Seeing that I have more followers than people I follow myself makes me realize I simply don't look for blogs to follow very often nowadays. I just sit on my dashboard all day, do very little. Barely ever do I search tags out anymore. I'm inclined to blame this on me having an account, and this account making me more sluggish. I'm also tempted to blame it on being unable to use my old tablet. But I can't prove any of this. I wish I could, but I can't.
So now I just sit here, feeling upset but being too tired to actually try and fix this minor problem. I hate it. I even spaced out while making this post, because apparently I got myself to a point where I couldn't figure out how to end this post. So I'll just post it now, before I space out again and forget to post it. At least now people know about all my issues.
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kinderedgeisc00t · 9 months
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Not quite what I intended to start as my latest art post, but I might as well start off with the most cringiest thing ever.
If you know, you know.
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