#i wonder if that’s a part of why he does it

[luveline]

jade!! i saw you were willing to add emily to your 46 fics and i have a request!! i think about your emily x single mom!reader everyday and i was wondering if you’d write more in that universe? maybe emily has to drop readers kid off at their first day of pre-k or preschool (i have no clue what you call it in the uk) because reader has a work emergency or something??

thanks so much for requesting! fem, 1.1k

“It’ll be fun,” Emily says. 

Jane is looking at Emily like she’s grown a second head. “No.” 

Emily tries again. Swallows her nerves, and readjusts herself where she’s on her knees. “Mommy was gonna drop you off herself, but it's her very first day back at work and they needed her super early, so it’s me. But mom will be the one who picks you up again.” 

Jane just squints. 

“I have to go to work, too,” Emily says. 

“I’m com’n with you,” Jane says, nodding. 

Emily looks behind Jane at the baby gated corral of little kids. It’s possibly the worst adjustment in the world for your work to decide the day-of that you’d have to go early. You didn’t have time to prepare Jane for her own first day, and Emily isn’t good at this bit yet. 

“No,” Emily says, holding Jane by both arms, “I have to go work too, and it’s too boring for you. You’re gonna have way more fun here meeting your new friends.” 

Jane had already met one of the daycare workers, incidentally called Janet, a few days ago to try and ease the new phase of her life, but it’s a common fact that the majority of kids cry on their first day here. Why wouldn’t she? Jane has spent the majority of her growing life with you. This is a horrible adjustment, but better she does it now. 

Emily’s just waiting for tears.

“Em-wy…” 

“It’ll be fun, okay? There’s so much to do! Colouring, painting, dancing, nap time. They’ll make you lunch, and your new friends will have games to play–” She strokes Jane’s arm. “Sound fun?” 

“Okay.” 

“Okay?” 

“I’ll miss you…” Jane mumbles, her eyes finally growing shiny. 

Emily’s honestly not expecting it. “Well, I’ll miss you more. But mommy will pick you up soon,” —you aren’t working the full day— “and you’ll see me at dinner time, okie dokie?” 

“I’m not…” Jane looks lost for what to say. She’s very, very little. Emily isn’t surprised. 

“I know it’s different, but it’s not bad.” Emily tilts her head to the side, giving Jane her gentlest smile. She’s learned all her motherly tricks from you. It’s easy to fall into that tone of voice, that same affection, because Emily adores Jane. 

“Em-wy,” Jane mumbles again. 

“Janie,” she says, copying Jane’s warbling voice. “Baby, I swear it will be great, and then mommy will pick you up and I will buy you whatever big girl dinner you want. We could have McDonald’s.” 

She whispers the last part. 

Jane smiles slowly. “Okie dokie.”

Emily should’ve guessed that Jane wouldn’t cry. She’s a funny little kid, quiet and sweet and a teeny bit slow to understand. Perhaps she’ll cry once Emily’s already gone. 

“Okay. Do you want a cuddle before I leave?” 

Jane nods, tucking her face into Emily’s front. Emily wraps her arms around her and breathes in the smell of the lavender conditioner you’d run through her hair last night. “Love you, babe,” Emily whispers. 

“Love you too.”

—

Emily thankfully gets home. Hotch laughs at her eagerness to not work, remarking that somehow you’d made a family of a woman determined not to be tied down. He had a point —Emily didn’t realise she wanted a wife until she met you. Didn’t realise she wanted a daughter until she met Jane, though she’s had her whims and whiles about it. 

This is real. 

You hear the door and hurry to it. Emily’s barely out of her shoes when you find her, in your smart clothes yourself, a chocolate smudge on your cheek. 

“Where’s the fire?” Emily asks. 

“Thank you for this morning,” you say, taking her hands. 

Emily softens as you rub her fingers. “You’re welcome. Did she– was she okay? She looked extremely worried for a baby.” 

“She’s not a baby.” You lean forward and to one side, just touching her. “Emily, you– I was so worried, I thought she’d take it hard but you really pulled a magic trick. She didn’t even cry when I picked her up. When I asked how her day was, she told me you promised it would be fun… and that you were going to get her McDonald’s.” 

“I will get her McDonald’s.” 

You take a swift, soft kiss. “My hero. She told me she missed me, but guess who she mentioned first?” 

Emily raises her eyebrows. 

“Mm-hm,” you hum, pulling her to the kitchen. “Em-wy, of course.”

Emily squeezes your hand as you both enter the kitchen to find the source of your kissed cheek. Jane sits at the table in lavender pyjamas to match the smell of her hair. She’s eating chocolate covered strawberries and celery with peanut butter, spread on her hands and lips, but less on her cheeks than her mom. 

“Baby, look! Guess who’s home?” 

Jane finds Emily with her gaze and gasps happily, clapping, a strawberry falling in the gap of her chest and table. “You’re back!”

“I’m back! You’re home, too! Did you have fun?” 

There’s a suspicion in Jane’s expression that she’s too young for, as though she’s guessed this whole daycare business is permanent, but she shrugs it off. “I miss you,” she says. 

“I’m back,” Emily reminds her. “I can see where mommy got her kiss from, that looks yummy.” 

You wipe your cheeks with two palms and bring them down to find chocolate melted against your fingers. “Thanks for telling me.” 

“I had plans to help you eventually.” Emily rounds the table and chair to tip Jane’s head back gently, looking her over. “You okay? Did you have a good day?” 

“Good day,” she echoes. 

“You’re happy?” Emily asks. 

She’d realised how nervous she was for your girl the second she left the daycare building. What if Jane hates it, and she cries the whole day and makes her eyes sore? Emily hadn’t enjoyed thinking about it, deciding she’d get her more than McDonald’s. 

“I’m glad you had a good day,” Emily says. 

“I fed Sergio!” Jane tells her. 

Sir-joe must be a pretty happy cat. “Thank you, babe, you’re the bestest.” 

You aren’t jealous but eager as you slide into Emily’s side and under her arm. You smile as you rest your face on her shoulder, a little cat-like yourself as your breathing evens. “She saved the day.” 

Jane looks up at you both, but her eyes meet Emily’s as she smiles. “Missed you, mommy,” she says. 

Emily’s heart skips a beat, wondering, just for a moment, if Jane was talking to her. Emily wouldn’t mind it. It wouldn’t be so bad, would it?

You nab a strawberry from Jane’s plate. Emily’s expecting it, but she’s still too happy to talk as you kiss her cheek. “Got you back.”

[applestorms]

L can be such a possessive character at times. he always strikes me as the type of person who is deeply aware of everything that he owns, both in a more literal sense and metaphorically-- like, he knows what money he has and how to use it, what resources are readily available to him and what he has to be sneakier to utilize, the habits and tendencies and emotional states of individuals and world governments both. the DN musical really puts an emphasis on the more computer-y aspects of how his brain functions, which isn't as obvious in the manga/anime but i think still works well as a way to follow his thinking. it's kinda what near does too: everything is a factor to them, every tiny detail a new opening to optimize for the best results, every person and location and object a part of a puzzle waiting to be solved. and as a part of that, L is deeply aware of every and any little thing he may or may not have control over, and exactly to what degree.

his habit of stealing titles as depicted in the LABB murders novel is such a good example of this. ryuzaki, eraldo coil, deneuve. he eats people alive and then takes their names for himself like some kind of fucked up fae or trickster god, creating new masks and personas to hide behind from the remains of the people he's devoured. i have to wonder if he would've used the title of KIRA for himself had he won-- i can hardly imagine what kind of power such a title could hold if held in his hands. of course, he could've just used the defeat of KIRA as a way to build up the L title even further, offering up the body of a dead god like perseus showing off the head of medusa. but L is so emotionally attached to the kira case, i struggle to see him allowing it to fade from existence so thoroughly as near does, even if it is only kept close on a private level...

this is part of why i think it genuinely makes a lot of sense that L's ultimate win state would include capturing light to some degree. even if the memory of KIRA somehow manages to fully disappear from the public consciousness, there is no fucking way L is letting light yagami out of his grasp. honestly, the moment that L truly loses this game is not when he starts investigating misa while still under rem's watch, not when light gets back his memories, not even when he dies, but the moment when he allows light to be freed from the handcuffs. the moment when he allows the other members of the task force to turn off the cameras and keep him from watching light and misa talk in the lobby. the moment when he gives up, lets light yagami go outside of L's personal sphere of control, is the moment when L starts the clock ticking down to the end of his own life.

this is one of the key ways in which i see light as a true equal and parallel to L, as after L's death he, intentionally or no, continues the same tradition and takes L's title for himself, twisting the two sides together into the L-KIRA amalgamation. only, the L title functions a little bit differently than every other persona or title that we see in the series-- because L's true name is L. that's all that he is. on a literal, legal, and emotional level, i don't think that L is anything more than L. he is the world's greatest detective, he's an incredible, weirdo super genius, but he does not afford himself much more than that, barely allows himself personhood or humanity outside of his work. light was the one to ultimately defeat L because he did not just put a stain on his character (as BB attempted), did not just kill him, but stole his very identity and took it for himself.

one of the biggest contradictions of L's character that i think you must accept should you attempt to portray him accurately is that he is both deeply detached from humanity while also having all of his work and effort and life be focused around saving it. it's one of the ways in which he is an exact opposite to light-- where light relies on humanity for external validation, to be Seen, while also looking down on it as dumb and immoral and spineless, L is so separated from it that he barely exists as a person, all the while dedicating almost every action he takes to helping it. remember: for all the emotional turmoil that wammy's house and the legacy of L may put on the kids living there, ultimately it's entire existence is nothing more than L's logical solution to his potential demise. if he dies, the world goes down with him, all of the cases that are yet to happen and he is yet to solve being left in the air. he has the foresight to set up a fail safe, but not to consider the emotional implications of what being that fail safe might feel like, how high the price of your own humanity is if you are not already alienated from it, the inability to have your own name on your gravestone-- though perhaps some of the blame also falls on watari's shoulders in this case, philanthropic old bastard that he is.

imo, playing his game really got it right in presenting L and light as one and the same, synonyms on either side of the mirror. in every action they take they are both so selfishly selfless, playing the game for themselves and their own pleasure but plastering the needs and will of humanity on top of it. L isn't invested in saving humanity for the sake of humanity-- he just likes the thrill of having the stakes raised so high. hard to shit on ryuk for wanting entertainment when the humans he finds are just the same as him.

[loggiepj]

To Love A Lannister

chapter 14 | chapter 15

"They attacked Meereen," Oberyn stated, "Queen Daenerys did the right thing, killing all the masters to stop slavery."

Your guardian father hummed in agreement, still looking at you. Absorbed by the newfound information about your sister, you found yourself lost in thoughts. Daenerys hadn't only gained Unsullied army on her side, but also the Dothraki. The Dothraki were known to be ruthless, and war was nothing to them but sport. When you were young, you'd play with your friends, pretending to be Dothraki when you all were far from one. Any tourney held in King's Landing was nothing in comparison to the way the Dothraki fight.

"Varys has confided to me in secret to meet them in Dragonstone," your guardian father added, making you glance upon the mention of a familiar name. Varys used to be part of the King's council. You thought he was still part of the council, advising Tommen and Tywin. If the Lannisters would find out, it would be considered treason. "To bend the knee. I hear the Ironborns have also supported her side recently."

"And what does Prince Doran has to say about all of these?" you butted in, the mention of your real father's name in your mouth caused a turmoil in your stomach.

Oberyn placed the cup of wine he was drinking on the table, leaned his back comfortably against his seat, then lifted his legs to rest upon the edge of the table. "After much convincing given how he always admire the Dothraki, my brother has already advised to proceed, although it might take us a bit longer due to some complications."

Furrowing your brows deeper, you asked, "You mean his son's marriage?"

Your guardian father nodded. "He tried persuading Trystane but to no luck. Marrying them would pledge alliance between the Martells and the Lannisters. It would cause a rebellion within the house."

You only frowned upon them. "So you wish to stop them then?"

"Unless Myrcella can be easily persuaded to support the true Queen," Oberyn said, "we have no choice but to make a scene just to stop any wedding from happening."

"This is an insult!" you argued. "They're just in love!"

Remembering Myrcella's ecstatic behavior upon her mother's surprised visit in Dorne, you couldn't help but feel sympathy for them. You saw her with Prince Trystane together when you first arrived back home, and you could tell it was rare — falling in love with the person your parents wish for you to marry at first.

It was then you found out the plans Lord Tywin arranged for his granddaughter. Maybe that was why he kept you alive in the Capital. Maybe that was why he accepted Yronwood without second thoughts, because regardless if you would marry Cersei or not, Myrcella would still marry Trystane.

The only thing different was both Myrcella and Trystane were already enamored with each other.

If they could forbid you and Cersei, it wouldn't hurt if they could also break Myrcella and Trystane apart. But Trystane being next in line to his father Prince Doran, it would cause an uproar amongst the Dornish folks.

Prince Doran held a massive feast for the guests when you all finally arrived in Dorne a week ago. Although his presence couldn't help but make you feel bothered. Even when he hugged you, congratulating you for your win against the murderer of his late sister, you wondered how good of a father Doran was if he only knew.

Your guardian father had welcomed you as if nothing had changed, and you couldn't hate him for hiding such facts from you since you were a kid. He did it for your own protection.

"Oberyn has told me how you had grown quite fond of Cersei," your guardian father said, bringing you back to the present. "I trust you have already had your fun. You know your duty, Y/n."

"My duty that was only made known to me a month ago?"

"It's difficult, I know," he answered. "But it's easier this way. You don't want to end up in a decision you'd truly regret for the rest of your life — choosing between her and your own family."

~~~

The night finally came to an end. You left the room rather abruptly, eyes glistening with tears for you were lost on what to do. And it was your inattentiveness that made you bump into Cersei as she closed the door of Myrcella's chambers.

"Why are you still awake?" Cersei asked. When she saw your eyes red, she cupped your face and pulled your chin to look at her. "What's wrong?"

You bit back, holding your emotions as you forced a smile. "Nothing, Your Grace. Just a silly argument with my father."

Her eyebrows knitted in worry and confusion, knowing you weren't being transparent with her. When she was about to speak, you stopped her. "I want to show you something." Holding your hand in hers, Cersei let you lead the way.

You walked through dark hallways and climbed down spirals and spirals of stairs until you both arrived in the grand library of the Sunspear castle. You had spent most of your life in there. It wasn't as great as the Red Keep's, but it stood its purpose for centuries.

You led Cersei to the center of the room, pointing to a huge painting displayed on the entire wall, with portraits of faces on top of italicized names and vines connecting each individual.

"It's the family tree of House Martell. Did you know that Prince Doran's great great grandfather was a Targaryen?" you asked, as you pointed the almost faded face on the wall, while your other hand still held Cersei's. It was a mystery to you she hadn't let go.

Cersei smiled. "You should be wary who you're sharing it with. One could tell you're supporting the wrong line."

"It's not a harmful knowledge. This is also written in scrolls I found in your library, you know," you chided in, chuckling. "Not unless you don't read them, then you wouldn't know."

She laughed, slapping your arm playfully, finally letting you go as she approached closer to the wall.

You then fell silent as you watched her stare at the wall with fascination, her fingers brushing on your portrait connected to your guardian father's name.

Absentmindedly grabbing a dusty book from the shelf, you began, "Sometimes, I wish I wasn't part of it, part of the duty expected out of me."

Cersei then glanced at you, before she closed the distance. "Y/n—"

"Do you sometimes feel that way too?" You placed the book back although stopped midway when her hand touched your arm.

She sighed, nodding. "I . . . I do, and then I remember my children and what I would do for them."

You averted your gaze, heartbeat quickened from how near the Queen was.

Cersei continued, "They say never love anyone besides your children and family. Because love is poison. A sweet poison, yes. But it will kill you just the same."

You met her eyes, already staring right at you. "You will be the death of me, Cersei."

The book somehow fell unto the floor, making a distinct yet sharp noise that could wake any resident nearby. You quickly shushed Cersei's lips when you heard sounds of metal armor clanking outside, pushing the woman against the nearest shelves to hide.

"Is anyone in there?!" one of the Dornish guards yelled into what seemed like an empty room. You and Cersei were pressed against each other in one corner, the dusty wooden shelf and an old abandoned large furniture hid the both of you. Unaware of Cersei's gaze following your face, you peered behind the shelf to check if the guard had left.

And when you both heard the door closing, you leaned back and looked at Cersei, smiling as if you won a game of hide-and-seek. It was only then when you finally noticed how the distance between you and the Queen was inexistent.

Cersei then grabbed your neck and kissed you.

Hesitantly pulling away, you whispered, "Someone could see us."

"Let them," she pleaded, her eyes never leaving your mouth. "A lioness does not concern herself to the opinions of the sheep."

When her eyes finally met back yours, you pushed your mouth against her lips and took back what you desired.

It was carnal, hungry, desperate. As if you were both deprived from each other for too long. You gently lifted and placed her on top of a study table, scrolls and papers crumpled and fell from the action, before your hand made haste bunching her dress up to her waist. Kneeling before her, you wasted no time tasting her once you had pushed her chemise out of way.

"Y/n," Cersei let out a strained moan, her hand immediately clutching your head, fingers threading through your hair as if it were reins to which she would ride you. And she did, pushing your face harder and closer into her as she rode you. The Queen's other hand was behind her as support while you lifted one of her thighs on your shoulder.

The Lioness chanted your name like a prayer as she threw her head back. Your tongue never grew tired bringing her to ecstasy, flicking against her swollen aching bud. The sounds you made, grunting and moaning as she pulled your hair, only spurred Cersei on. You couldn't believe she was capable of getting this wet and dripping before until your fingers entered her with ease, with no resistance of whatsoever, her tight and warm cunt desperately sucking your fingers inside her.

"Yes, yes, Y/n, yes!" Cersei whimpered as she pulled you closer, if it was even possible to pull you closer.

And if the Dornish guards had heard another sound, they'd ignore and let you two had your ways. Because there was no way no one could not hear how loud the Queen Mother was as she came, her body trembling. The table screeched against the cobbled floor from the movement.

Once she came down from her high, Cersei pulled you up to her, grabbing the collar of your tunic as she pressed her lips against yours, tasting herself from the kiss. You could feel one of her hands snaking inside your breeches, somehow managing to quickly untie the knots with one hand.

You moaned into the kiss, feeling the wonderful warmth of the woman's hand stroking your hardening shaft. "I miss this," Cersei whispered, pulling away. "I miss you."

The genuine tone of adoration from the Lannister woman made you fall in love with her more. "I miss you too, my Queen." The term of endearment brought a smile to her face.

Cersei was already lining your cock into her entrance before you plunged it right in. The action made the both of you break from the kiss, groaning as her nails dug into the skin of your back.

Beginning a slow rhythm, you rested your forehead against hers, eyes staring into each other. She grabbed your face for another kiss, her other hand reaching your ass as she cupped it and pulled you closer and deeper. It made you lean back and change the pace, thrusting relentlessly.

You laid her spread down on the table as you pushed into her between her legs without stopping. She arched her back and threw her head against the wood, hands reaching any item within reach just to ground herself.

Then she looked back at you as she whimpered. "I want to see you. I want to see you, Y/n." Her hands were already opening your tunic and once done, she cupped and squeezed your breasts, making you moan from the action.

"Cersei."

Her eyes were full of lust that you found yourself nearly there, your thrusts getting sloppier and sloppier each second. You leaned your body forward, on top of her and kissed her to cover her louder moans. Hands on your hair, she pulled you back from her as she looked into you. "I want to see you come undone before me," she requested with a soft whimper.

Cersei's face contorted in pleasure before you with a piercing focused gaze made you lose it as you spilled into her, thick ropes of cum spurted inside her throbbing cunt that was greedily milking you. The sight of you coming on top of her, moaning and grunting your release, made the Queen lose her own composure. A strangled moan made its way out of her throat as she hugged you, burying her head into your neck while her cunt squeezed and devoured your cock as she convulsed.

"Y/n . . . Y/n." Both of your cum leaked inside her, stuffing her full. The feeling made the pleasure last longer as she held unto you, whimpering into your ear.

And it was such a wonderful melody.

~~~

"I know you're mad after what we've discussed with your father," Oberyn said, holding a lit torch as you delved further into the dark.

With the deafening sound from the rushing waterfall, no one would notice two individuals such as yourselves creeping inside a secret entrance to one of the deepest caves in Sunspear. As a kid, somehow you had stumbled on such place while swimming with your friends, competing who could jump from such a high peak where the water meets the ground. You almost drowned that day, but you remembered being rescued by a scaly crocodile. No one believed you that time.

When you only gave Oberyn silence as you followed his trail, he sighed. "I heard news from the castle you've been very busy with the Dowager Queen. You got to be careful, Y/n."

"I am careful," you spat back. "As you always never fail to remind me every single day."

"Doran changed his mind," he said, making you glance at him in confusion. "He now believes marrying his son to the young lioness would secure Dorne's place in the Kingdom. I had no idea how Tywin had managed to convince my brother. But Doran's been cautioning us to stop whatever the seven hells we were doing. He even intercepted Varys' ravens coming in and out of Sunspear. The Sands are starting a rebellion in the open desert upon hearing the news. Ellaria was frustrated. I am telling you, Y/n, you are the only one string holding us together to bend the knee to Queen Daenerys."

"What happens now?"

You both continued to walk in silence, crawling against uneven slippery surface only ignited by the torch carried by Oberyn. Then he paused, looking down what seemed to be an empty chasm before he looked at you, nudging ahead.

"Are you mental? Is this my punishment?"

Oberyn rolled his eyes, as he then pulled you. "Don't be a fool." You turned towards him as he said, "Don't forget to breathe though."

You gave him a scornful look before letting yourself fall back towards the dark hole. Cold water hit your body the moment you were submerged. Catching breath, you heard splashing next to you with Oberyn grunting. "I'm too old for diving."

Chuckling, you swam towards the nearest bank and brushed the wet hair from your face. As your eyes adjusted to the darkness, all you could see was a large chamber ahead, even larger than the Sept of Baelor in King's Landing.

"You know, your mother didn't only give you to us before she left for Dragonstone," he started, shaking off the water from his boots. "You came with something, a shiny scaly egg. Something that hasn't been in existence in Westeros for quite some time."

You heard chains unrolling from a distance, making you look back at the darkness ahead, your hand at the sheath of your dagger.

"It hatched when you turned seven," Oberyn went on, panting as he climbed towards a high cliff, ushering you to follow him. "Only a few trusted Sands knew about its existence, doing their best to feed it, to take care of it. Goats it's favorite. Ever wondered why there's a whole pasture of goats at the end of Sunspear. It wasn't just any merchant's animal farm."

You heard a growl so deep and unnatural in this world, the hairs at the back of your neck stood. You unsheathed your dagger, not sure whether it could help your case, but Oberyn held you back as he shook his head no. "There's a reason why your guardian father hired someone from the Citadel to teach you some old High Valyrian because it only understands that language."

From the faint light coming from the cave's ceiling, you could see a shadow move before you, making you wary. It was only until you were face to face with the beast did you manage to figure out that your hunches were right. You had only seen them on paintings, on some pages from old books. But if you could talk to the painters or the publishers, you'd ask them why they never tell anyone how huge and terrifying an actual beast looked like.

You stood frozen, your dagger falling to the ground when the creature snorted a smoky breath your way, leaning forward towards you as if smelling you. You had so many questions but no words seemed to come out. Then it took a step back, a light visible in its throat before it came out from its mouth, blowing huge flames towards the ceiling, lighting the whole cave.

It was a full sized dragon, so huge it would cover the entire Red Keep. The dragon had distinguishing silver rough scales, long talons and metallic gray wings, its tail looked like spikes with ends as sharp as spearheads.

"Y/n, meet Nymeros." Oberyn's voice made you realize you were still there and that it wasn't some dream or imagination. The beast leaned forward once again, even closer than before as it gently nudged its head against your body, making you nervously gasp. Your trembling hands reached towards its snout, a smile forming slowly on your face when it closed its eyes from your touch.

"I think it's time for you to learn how to ride a dragon."

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I truly appreciate your continued support in reading my stories. You can help me create more stories by supporting my writing thru this link.

Thank you so much ❤🥰

[bluesidez]

Gym Rat Miguel Part 14

content warning: mentions of vomit/vomit related terms, more angst

word count: 3.4k (shoutout to the BETAAAA @slushycoookie)

Prev | Next ✩°｡ ⋆⸜ 🎧✮ Masterlist

It was cold.

So cold.

The last thing he remembers was the prickles of the concrete through his pants.

Everything kept replaying in his head as if he were watching it unfold before him again. He still felt the way you pushed him, parts of his body flashing from where you shoved. The expression on your face was scorned and burned into his memory. The corners of your lips were deep, your eyes lost all color, your hands were trembling despite the steady tone in your voice, and you fought to keep the tears from running. It pained him.

He hurt you again and it was all a misunderstanding, again.

How was he so bad at this?

Miguel felt scared as he failed in opening up his constricted throat, but he couldn't stop it.

He kept thinking that maybe you would come back, maybe you were just around the corner waiting, but it feels like it’s been forever since you ran out of his room.

He needs to call you.

He needs to see you.

He needs to be near you.

Why can’t he?

“Miguel.”

A harsh hand shocks his shoulders, shaking him until the pivots and brick of the wall behind him scratch across his skin.

“Hey. Listen to me. Can you hear me?”

A frantic voice reaches the end of his ears, but it sounds far away. Was it his name? Were they talking to him?

It’s still so cold. His feet feel numb and his fingers won’t move.

The voice stops calling him and the hills in the wall are back in their rightful place, digging into his skin.

He wonders if you’re cold too.

The breath is knocked out of him, his eyes focusing on the ground under him. The air comes back into his lungs just as fast, the wind aiding him.

When did it start raining?

“Miguel,” he’s shaken again, but he can look up this time.

Peter squats in front of him with a worried face, orange bucket knocked over by his side.

“Did you just pour that on me?” is all Miguel thinks to say, his voice scratchy and almost gone.

“I panicked, ok? It was either this or the ambulance. It’s so weird to just drag your body back inside. Come on, get up before our RA actually does his job.”

With more strength than Miguel thought he had, Peter yanks him up and supports his weight, counting even steps as he guides him to their dorm room. The blood is slowly flowing back to his fingertips and the difference in temperature makes the hair on his skin rise.

One guy walks past the two of them with a look of curiosity, but the sense to not ask. Miguel starts to register how this looks.

Peter gets the door open fast and drops Miguel on a beanbag.

“You know, I didn’t expect for your party to turn out this wild. However, I also would have expected you to crash out back here. Or there. Or just, not in front of the dorm.”

Miguel’s body slumped and the events of today came crashing back onto him. He laughs, feeling the tears of his face mix with the water dripping from his hair.

He did have a party today and he did fuck up today. Majorly. The heels of his palms dig into his eyes as his body jerks, unable to keep up with his sobbing.

His roommate panics, “Did I say something wrong?”

Through what feels like a torturous hour, Miguel tells Peter what happens.

He was devastated.

It’s like a punch in the gut to repeat the words you said to him. They were like a betrayal, salt to the wound that was the finicky air between you both. He should have done more to communicate with you but instead he was leaving things up for chance.

You didn’t leave room for if’s or maybe’s and he stood there like a bumbling idiot, fighting to have you hear him.

On top of that, today was still his birthday. The party that one of his oldest friends gave to him sucked. A pack of gum would have been a better gift and for the life of him, he couldn’t understand why Xina did this.

Through this same hour, Miguel can’t stop crying. He can’t stop thinking about you and he wants to tear his heart out.

It’s not until his head hits his pillow that he has serenity, body tired from the day.

He thinks he’s called your number over seventy times. After the tenth call, the line didn’t connect. By the twentieth, there was only one ring and an automated tone.

By the thirtieth call, he’s trying not to freak out. By the fortieth call, he’s checking instagram to reach you there, but of course, you’re nowhere to be found.

By the fiftieth call, he’s sending message after message to the brick wall that is your number. At sixty, he’s considering digging up your school email from last year.

At call seventy-one, he’s wondering if carrier pigeons still exist.

It’s almost noon and Peter threatened to put his phone in a box if he didn’t stop trying to call you. Miguel hasn’t really moved since last night, not because it hurts, but because the warmth of the bed still felt like you were with him.

He hasn’t gotten up to eat or workout which is not the norm. He wasn’t hungry and his limbs felt extremely heavy.

Peter left to go find him something quick and easy, but Miguel isn’t sure if would be able to stomach it.

His phone buzzes, and a small part of him perks up hoping that it’s you.

Gabriel’s picture lights up the screen, a silly photo of him with his crooked goggles on inside of the water. The hope in him dies a little more.

He presses the green button and buries himself further into the sheets.

“What is up! I’m guessing you had a wild night last night since you didn’t call anybody.”

“I-“

“But before you tell me everything, I’ve got to catch you up. First of all, a squirrel stole my Aki-way sandwich. I knew Alvin and his brothers were giving their species a run for their money, but what did he say fuck me for? Then, it’s been a freaky ass club trying to get me to join in on their sexcapades. Dana said I could have eye candy, but the people in there honestly give me the heebie jeebies. Oh! I am now a godfather to several tiny doodles. My roommate’s dog unfortunately went on the prowl.”

Gabriel paused.

“Miguel, what’s wrong? You haven’t given your obligatory one to two sentences to break up my yapping.”

“Break up.”

“What?”

“She. She broke up with me.”

The silence was so long that when Gabriel started laughing, Miguel’s nerves jumped in his skin.

“That is actually so funny, like seriously. You got me,” Gabriel focuses the blurry screen back onto his face. “Are you crying?”

Miguel dropped the phone on his bed and sat up, bringing the collar over his shirt over his eyes and back down.

“Miguel, I thought you were joking. Please tell me you’re joking. This isn’t haha funny.”

“Why would I ever joke about this?” Miguel picked the phone back up, voice raw.

“Well, what happened? I don’t understand! You were so excited to see her yesterday. And- and you guys just had your anniversary.”

“I know that. God, I-I know that.”

“And I’ve never seen you this head-over-heels for anybody, not even for that girl that entertained you for like a week in high school. Did you do something?”

“Gabriel, please let me talk.”

His brother made a face as if milliseconds were too long of a time to think.

“This semester has been tough on both of us and we, no I, haven’t been making time to see her. It’s either studying or class or something else that gets in the way.”

“That’s not enough to warrant a break up. You’re not that shallow and neither is she.”

“She thinks I cheated on her.”

Gabriel sits up and tilts his head with a frown, “Huge bomb to drop out of nowhere. She’s all you can talk about sometimes, as in you can’t think about anything else besides her. And if school is causing you guys to not meet up, when do you have time to cheat?”

“I don’t! Even if I were to be in an alternate world where I’m this sleazy, terrible boyfriend, I wouldn’t have time. I go to the gym, I go to class, I go to the library, I go to my dorm. It’s because Xina is always-“

“Pause,” Gabriel put a hand to the screen. “Stop the fucking music.”

“What.”

“What do you mean Xina?”

“What do you mean, what do I mean?”

“Xina. As in the one who kicked me out of your room when we were younger?”

“Yes.”

“As in the one who didn’t give you the time of day for years, but became friendly once you beat her highest test scores.”

“Yes.”

“As in the one who completely flipped the dynamic of your friend group.”

“That’s-“ Miguel falters, but Gabriel keeps going.

“The one who was at our house constantly, especially when she found out that your dad owns the biggest tech company ever.”

“She didn’t-“

“The one who mom conveniently likes.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“The one who’s been pining after you for years.”

“No, she has not. Why do people keep saying that?”

Gabriel barked out a laugh again, harsh. “Miguel, I love you, but you can’t be this much of a dumbass.”

Miguel clicked his teeth as Gabriel continued, over this conversation.

“Do you see the connection I’m making here? Or should I spell it out further. Because it’s so clear to me what’s happening and you don’t even have to finish the story.”

“The story is that my girlfriend just dumped me because she thinks that I’m cheating on her with Xina-“

“But why, Miguel? Why does she think that?”

“I,” he takes a breath and thinks back to what you told him while you were hurt, vulnerable on this same bed. “I have been spending a lot of time with her, but only because we share classes. And because she’s my friend. I don’t want to be with her.”

“Does Xina know that?”

“Of course she knows she’s my friend. I have no reason to not be her friend.”

Gabriel made a noncommittal noise.

“What the fuck does that mean, Gabriel?”

“Don’t get pissed off at me because I’m not gonna coddle you for being an idiot.”

Miguel wanted to end the call, but he knows it’s only going to rile Gabriel up more.

“It’s so blatantly obvious that Xina likes you. Not as a friend, but as someone to date, whether it’s superficial or not. I’m not sure how you went so long without noticing, but here we are. Every time you’re with her, you entertain her, and now that you have, shit, had a girlfriend, she’s realizing that it’s too late.”

The knot that was lodged in his throat earlier was unfurling. Maybe it’ll finally come up, but he’s not sure as what yet.

“I made it clear that I,” the words get gargled in and thrown back out, “had a a girlfriend. And even when I didn’t have one, Xina never gave me exact words-”

“Oh my god, Miguel. She didn’t have to! You’re friendly, you’re considerate, you’re caring, and she’s used that to her advantage. Please, open your eyes.”

It’s not that he didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want to believe it. He didn’t want to believe that someone he knew for this long would hurt him in this way.

“She was with me every chance she got. In classes or studying or going to the gym or just relaxing.” Purposefully taking his time.

“Out of everyone I introduced her to, she was only weird to my girlfriend.” When she wasn’t the center of his attention.

“She took my phone-”

“Crazy work, by the way. The phone and the weirdness.” Gabriel chimed in.

“-to silence my notifications, to block my girlfriend’s number. And I didn’t realize it, because I trusted her.”

“And that makes a lot more sense,” Gabriel laid down in his bed, face as stern as his mom’s. “Glad we got here. So what are you going to do now?”

He didn’t even mention what Andrew told him, about how he mistook his friend for something more. Is that how others saw them when they were walking around campus too?

Is this how you felt when you saw his phone?

Miguel sat up and hung his legs over the bed, “I want to puke.”

“Hold it in, big boy. This isn’t a marathon.”

“It feels like it.”

Miguel snatched his phone and went to the bathroom, stomach rolling like converse in a dryer.

“You need to find a way to talk to everyone, especially your girl. You need to explain yourself and the situation,” Gabriel’s voice echoed off the tiles. “You’re good at talking, no matter how long it takes you to realize things.”

He chuckled listening to his brother, sliding to floor. The room was hot and saliva was building on his tongue.

“I don’t think she wants to see me.”

“Maybe give it a week? Try the middle of the week if you can’t wait that long.”

He doesn’t know how he can reach you besides showing up outside of your door or your class. Isn’t that creepy?

Maybe he can catch you in the cafe.

“Gabri?”

“Yeah, Mig?”

The noise from his throat enters the air before his words do. All he sees is the white of the toilet and the fuzzy brown of the hamburger bath mat Peter insisted on buying.

“I didn’t think you were serious!” Gabriel shouts over his gagging.

Nothing was even coming up, just bile and the buildup of his feelings since yesterday.

“I’m turning you down,” Miguel can feel Gabriel grimacing without even looking at him. “You’re really lovesick. What are you going to do when you guys get married?”

His stomach lurched again.

“Will I even make it that far?” An image of you at the alter flashed by, and when he lifts the veil, the look on your eyes as you stood in this bathroom is painted on your face.

You might leave him at the alter. Forget the alter, you might not ever look at him again.

He coughed and heaved over the bowl.

“I hope you don’t do this when you actually talk to her, Miguel.”

“Shut. Up.”

In the brightly lit bathroom laid out on the floor is how Peter found him. By this point, Gabriel was practicing his instrument under the guise of calming Miguel down.

He leans over him with his hands on his hips, “Don’t tell me you got into my Twisted Teas without me.”

Gabriel paused his music to let out a sharp laugh.

“No,” Miguel groaned and put an arm over his head.

“He’s been crashing out for the past forty, almost fifty, minutes,” Gabriel says. “But now that you’re here, I’m gonna clock out. Let me know what you decide to do Miguel.”

Peter holds a bag up and smiles, “How does some warm, yummy potato soup sound?”

Miguel bolts up and gags.

“Not a fan favorite, I see.”

By Sunday, he’s able to get up with heavy eyes do some light walking around the park, the autumn sun a nice change of scenery.

He wonders how you’re faring.

A part of him hopes you’re not like him: sick, exhausted, and aimless. Another part of him, as crazy as it is, wishes for you to yearn for him as much as he’s yearning for you, to feel what he’s feeling, to care as much as he does.

He’s seeing you everywhere.

In the leftover box of cookies left on his desk, he thinks about how much time you could have spent on writing the messages.

In the figure of you both showcasing a night where you looked at him an aura of comfort.

In the brown bear keychain on his backpack that mocks him.

In the stickers on water bottle that he picks at while he walks.

In the lockscreen of you that he took of you as you were laid under him. You were in his hoodie, under his blanket, and staring up at him like he was giving you the world.

Perhaps he hit his head somewhere between Friday to today.

His throat is still throbbing from the crying, from running out after you in the chilled night without his keycard, but his head is clearer.

Now, he’s ready to think about how to approach you.

By Tuesday, everything seems to be blurring together. The only thing that has stayed consistent is the gym.

The gym gives him peace in a way that the right corner of his dorm doesn’t. It doesn’t change, only giving to him what he gives to it.

Maybe that’s what happened with you and him. You’re only giving him the pain that he gave to you.

He doesn’t want to go to class, but he can’t afford to not go.

So he drags himself to the computer lab.

Sitting down, he tries to think about what he wants to say, rolling the words over in his head.

“Miguel!”

Irritated is the first feeling that sits within him and the smell of that nutty sweet vanilla wasn’t helping.

“Dude? All of a sudden you don’t answer your phone?”

“You would know a lot about that, huh?”

Xina laughs and shakes the mouse at her computer, “What are you talking about?”

“I don’t have the patience for you to act like everything is ok.”

“I seriously don’t know what you’re talking about. Did you do some extra partying without me?”

“Xina,” Miguel turned to her, eyes tired. She was wearing another bright set today and the words that Gabriel, Tempest, Lyla, and Winston were telling him echoed through his mind. “What was the point of the ‘party’ you threw for me?”

“You’re upset over that? A simple college party?”

“That’s not what that was. You didn’t throw that for me. So please tell me why you’ve gone so far as to push my girlfriend away?”

“What?” Xina’s face switched like a light. “You must be joking.”

“Xina, I know you went in my phone and blocked her number. Why did you that?”

He’s giving her the floor to answer. To tell the truth.

“Of course this is about her. I, I just can’t”

“You-you can’t what, Xina?” the pitch of his words match her, head shaking incredulously.

“I can’t believe one girl is about to ruin an almost two-decade friendship because she can’t stand the fact that you have friends that are also girls.”

“You’re not serious.”

“No, you,” she points a nail at him, “are not serious. This is so fucked.”

“What’s fucked is that you’re avoiding my question, when all signs lead back to you.”

She stares at him, lips tight, “And you’re sure of it.”

“Who else would it be?” he motions to the space around him, “We’ve been tied at the hip this entire semester.”

“So this is seriously happening. Right here. Of all places.”

“You don’t get it, Xina. All of these years, I was the one who defended you. When everyone told me to leave you alone, I stayed by your side because I knew the real you. This,” he moves his hands up and down, “is not you.”

The face that Xina wears sours. For a second, Miguel wonders if, even in this situation, he was still wrong.

“So why aren’t you fighting for me anymore?” she asks, voice barely above a whisper. “Miguel-”

“I’m not going to fight for someone who is willing to hurt me in this way. I’m not fighting for someone who won’t even give me the truth when I’m begging for it.”

She pats at her cheeks, a useless action to stop the tears that start to hit her sweater. Her eyes find Miguel’s and she searches for something, anything, but his face is still.

“Understood.”

Just as quickly as she came in, she left.

Once again, Miguel was left questioning what he did.

divider by: cafekitsune + adornedwithlight + strangergraphics 🩵

taglist: @ghost-lantern @miguelhugger2099 @emelie-s-h @lake-lili

@obsessed-with-miguels-ass @scaleniusrm @superiorspiderass @lexluvswriting

@flordelalunas @froggygal @vmpz8sauceee @famouscattale @nixinluv02

@jada-of-arcadia @spideykid22 @what-the-jams @julia4today @tojishugetiddies

@samjinxx @sleeklyalisha @the-pan-liquid @prongs-lover @kikaaauu

@urlocallocachica @wanderlustingcastaway @peachey-pie @ch3rry-bl1ss @girl-of-multi-fandoms

@love-kha1 @manlikemilesmyguy @sillysillygoofygoose @monticellohoe @kodzuminx

@lauraolar14 @bruhhvv @m4dyy @farrowroyale @cl3stevu

@ohara-whore @muneca-lemon-steppa @alexa4040 @amelialysm @snails-doodles22

@questionable-behaviour @babygotl01292003 @calig0sto @tatatida @haveclayeveryday

@corpsenightmarebride @earth2fae @maiyart @feegrh32 @darkstarlight82

@ladysimp @sonicbutbutter @relatednative @slowlyshycomputer @nuetralcolorsenthusiast

@maxlinpetersen @beyondstarlight @Madeofstar-dust @leoeloo @just-simpins-blog

@poisamm @thequeenreaders @tinybirdhidedout @aly29a2001 @mimi-sanisanidiot

@snakelore @pigeonmama @darkstalight82 @prettygirleli @koikohib

@jayskookies @xo-zeze @planetxella @thedevax @stressed-cherry

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

Fun Carmy

Fun Carmy is relaxed Carmy, the other one is Logan, his social alter ego.

I was wondering if Carmy ever had a day of fun in whole life because IMO he has always been that anxious lil kid around others, that we saw in Fishes (02X06), I’m sure. He’s better at the tête-à-tête like the one he briefly had with Michelle that evening

OR as part of small close-knit groups, like that scene in the kitchen (Ceres 01x06).

These assumptions, I think, are also completely backed up by his S1 -Emmy Winning- monologue (Braciole 01x08).

And what I ended up realizing is that FUN CARMEN is not the one we might think we haven’t really seen yet, and that fun for him does NOT look like it may look for us or for a more extrovert type of person.

I happen to be listening to Nina as I type this, and she once said:

I think that quote fits Carmy and his "sense of fun" perfectly.

Fun Carmy is relaxed Carmy, and at peace Carmy.

This is fun Carmy

Fun for Carmy doesn't look like this

Fun Carmy is relaxed Carmy

Logan is not "fun", he is actually a source of anxiety for Carmy, and that's why he can't keep him "on" for long. He wasn't lying when he said he wasn't remotely OK at the party (Pop 02x05) because at that point he hadn't turned Logan on yet.

Logan is "The other one", the one most people would label as "fun", because it better fits the social CONSTRUCT of what fun looks like, but Logan Fernello Berzatto is actually his functional alter-ego.

His functional or social alter - ego explained from a behaviorist perspective

We all have functional alter egos, this is related to the PERSONAL constructs concept developed by Psychologist George Kelly. These are formed at a fairly early age, even well within our 20s we are still forming our personalities and constructs or ideas of how the world works and what everything means, and thus how we should interact with and/or react to this world we live in, in other words, how to adapt or not to our environment. Then comes our career that can prolong this formative period even more, for instance, celebs of any age are required to have an alter ego for those occasions on which they have to "turn it on" for the camera or the stage → "the stage persona" that is NEVER the same person as the real one behind the wheel of the "functional alter-ego" and this persona has been formed based on their ideal of what has worked best for them in the past, what their PR team or Managers require of them to get them jobs, etc. They may come across as genuine and relatable but celebs are usually always "on" when we see them even off camera, so they are not, not completely. We all have the "office construct", the "school construct", the "mom chat group construct", etc. That is actually a sign of being well-adjusted to fit in society, and that is why we do not act the exact same way in all those different situations even though we are the same person, because we are not the same "persona" and that's OK. It's not a sign of phoniness, or lack of honesty, although it can definitely turn into that and become dysfunctional when there's an underlying mental health disorder, although it doesn't always turn out like that, thank dog!

In Carmy's case in particular, he can handle Logan and turn him on / off at will, which means he's in that aspect still well-adjusted despite his multiple mental health conditions, probably because none of them is a personality disorder, so it's safe to assume that he somewhat knows what's he's doing, he's choosing it to a certain extent and it's not 100% unconscious, only partially.

His lines are becoming blurry because he let Syd in, whether he admits it or not. And deep down, he knows this but he's not fully willing to go there (yet). That's what S4 is for.

This aligns with the rest of his behavior I already went over in previous posts:

Fun Carmy is the one that California, Copenhagen, and Chicago post-Sydney Adamu brought out in him. He's what most people, not me, would call relaxed, chilled, etc.

Relaxed Carmy, at peace Carmy, coloring Carmy, talking about food and cracking lil jokes under a table Carmy, is FUN CARMY.

We know him already. We've seen him. He just turns him off when he's The Bear or Logan.

Remember to follow my tag #Gingerpovs 💋

[thatlittlefangirl]

Lily is a shitty friend because she refused to be friends with a guy who was a fucken racist to everyone but her? Would you defend a white person who liked one black girl but called every other black person a racial slur? Snape was a shitty character. The only people who can sympathize with him are those that have the same hatred within their hearts and can justify his actions. He was a horrible friend that got his ex best friend and husband killed, and bullied children because he was piece of 💩

Erm actually 🤓☝

Lily is a shitty friend because she refused to be friends with a guy who was a fucken racist to everyone but her?

She actually was a shitty friend because she smiled at her best friend being exposed

But too late; Snape had directed his wand straight at James; there was a flash of light and a gash appeared on the side of James’s face, spattering his robes with blood. James whirled about; a second flash of light later, Snape was hanging upside down in the air, his robes falling over his head to reveal skinny, pallid legs and a pair of graying underpants. Many people in the small crowd watching cheered. Sirius, James, and Wormtail roared with laughter. Lily, whose furious expression had twitched for an instant as though she was going to smile, said, “Let him down!”

Excused his bullies' behaviour

“I’m just trying to show you they’re not as wonderful as everyone seems to think they are.” The intensity of his gaze made her blush. “They don’t use Dark Magic, though.” She dropped her voice. “And you’re being really ungrateful. I heard what happened the other night. You went sneaking down that tunnel by the Whomping Willow, and James Potter saved you from whatever’s down there—”

And ended up with his bully in the end, don't tell me "She didn't owe him anything", anyone who had a friend who was bullied will tell you that they wouldn't date their ex-best friend's bully. She had the right to leave Severus, I am not against it, but she had a part in the breaking up but as always didn't take responsibility of it (she actually does it a lot somehow).

Would you defend a white person who liked one black girl but called every other black person a racial slur?

No, because that's not the case here. Here is a mixed-race boy, who has been put into a white neighbourhood, there the white people are pretty nice to him but will be mean to black people, they tell him to join them. He knows that his best friend is black but since other black people were mean to him (his father and his best friend's sister), he doesn't see anything wrong with it. Know the difference (not that I excuse racism but here is a different case than the one you're pointing out).

The only people who can sympathize with him are those that have the same hatred within their hearts and can justify his actions.

Liking a character doesn't mean you support what he does, I love Bellatrix and Lucius, but I do not support their pureblood supremacy views and think they have no redeeming qualities whatsoever, I like them because I like villains. No one justify his actions, they explain his reasons, is it justifying? No, because it's not right, but why liking a complex character if you don't understand his complexity?

He was a horrible friend that got his ex best friend and husband killed

Actually, their whole friendship was toxic, Lily wasn't an angel, Severus wasn't a demon, they both were human and had their flaws. Stop pointing to Severus and ignore Lily's faults. Do I really have to go back on the "Severus got Jily killed!!1!1!"?? Many other people explained this part already, go see their blogs instead.

and bullied children because he was piece of 💩

He actually bullied children because he wasn't totally right mentally, and he mostly is just blunt with kids because yeah Potions is extra dangerous and if you fuck one single thing up you could blow the whole ass school. Does it make his insults right? No. Does it make his temper more understandable? Yeah.

Thanks for that ask, it was my first snater ask, I'm so happy I'll frame it in my room <3

[dark-frosted-heart]

Choose Your True Love - Keith Howell (part 4/4)

This is the from the 4th anniversary event.

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this. 

(—I didn’t expect this)

Alter!Keith: You don’t even look sleepy.

Emma: You’ll be surprised by how gutsy I can be.

Alter!Keith: So you’re saying you didn’t cry during the fight or when people were hurling insults?

Emma: Well…I wouldn’t say cry, but rather, I’ve gotten so angry I thought I’d explode.

Alter!Keith: Wish I did something about that. Would’ve been interesting to see you rage.

Moonlight dimly lit the room.

Prince Keith was sitting on my bed, staring down at me as I lay on my bed.

The way it felt like he was watching my every move made me so nervous, I wondered if he could hear my heart beating. 

Alter!Keith: … Sorry.

(...For what happened back at the estate, I’m guessing)

(I have a feeling he’s not used to apologizing)

The way he awkwardly looked away was so different from how cold he was toward the nobles. I felt some sort of adoration.

Emma: Just words?

Alter!Keith: Is there something you want?

Emma: I want you to sleep.

Alter!Keith: You’re still worried about these dark circles? Too bad I’m not feeling sleepy.

Emma: You might fall asleep if you just close your eyes.

Alter!Keith: I’m still not done dealing with those people, so there’ll be trouble if he comes to the front. …Well, causing trouble would be convenient for me.

Prince Keith snickered at that and I couldn’t sense his true intentions.

Suddenly, everything that happened today flashed before my eyes.

(Wicked Prince Keith didn’t have any obligation to put so much effort into taking over government affairs and work)

(The reason why he does what he does is for the sake of the nice Prince Keith)

(So much more than I could ever imagine…He only lives for the nice Prince Keith)

(Probably never for himself)

I tried to hold back the tears that started to well up as I continued to think about how he supported the nice Prince Keith all by himself, without anyone being aware.

(I’m frustrated by the fact that I can’t do anything to help, even when I’m right beside him)

(But I don’t want to keep being someone that can’t do anything)

Alter!Keith: Hm?

I sat up on the bed and turned toward him.

I then gently placed my hands over Prince Keith’s ears.

Alter!Keith: What are you doing?

Emma: Warming your ears can help you calm down and relax. There’s too many unpleasant feelings today and I want to make them go away. …Please let me at least do this.

(I want to help lift this burden, even if it’s just for now)

Alter!Keith: …

Prince Keith’s sigh melted into the dimly lit room.

Seeing the somewhat vulnerable look on his face after he released his pent- up emotions loosened the strings tightened around my heart.

Alter!Keith: That guy’s future fiancee sure is softhearted.

Emma: …How did you know?

Alter!Keith: You don’t look like the type to invite someone else to your room when you’re engaged.

A bony finger traced over the engagement ring on my finger that had two jade stones of different colors.

Alter!Keith: If you really are his fiancee in the future… Is that guy finally smiling?

(...This was what he wanted to ask back in the study)

Though he asked nonchalantly, there was an underlying desire in his voice.

Emma: …Yes, he’s smiling. So, so much. Every day, from morning to night, he’ll smile on various occasions. Whenever our eyes meet or we pass by each other, the smiles reach his eyes…Ah, when we made sweets the other day, I got so shy with how much he smiled. It was so cute… And before we sleep—mmph.

Alter!Keith: I didn’t tell you to gush about it.

(Hmm, I was doing that)

I nodded and he removed his hand from my mouth.

Alter!Keith: Well it sounds like he’s happy…else there’d be no point in me being around. … That guy came back.

(Ah…)

Emma: Even you smile just as much as him.

Alter!Keith: Huh…me?

Emma: Of course.

Alter!Keith: What…I didn’t disappear?

(Ah, I thought so)

~~ Flashback ~~

Alter!Keith: Haha, so I played with you in the future? Well, you do look gullible.

~~ End flashback ~~

(It’s been on his mind this whole time)

(The way he said it, he assumed he didn’t exist anymore in the future)

Since his very existence was supposed to be impossible, it’s only natural for him to think that way.

(But I don’t want him to assume that)

(I want Prince Keith of the past to know he has a future)

Emma: In the future, I’m engaged to both Prince Keiths. I love you both and you’re both more important to me than anything else.

Alter!Keith: …

Emma: That’s why I don’t want you to think you’re someone that will disappear. I won’t let you think that. I want you to remember that the both of you will be loved by a stubborn, greedy woman.

When I loosely laced my fingers with his, he awkwardly responded back.

It looked like he believed me.

Emma: I’m still new to it, so there’s only so much I can do to help you. But I definitely will become a strong woman who can support you.

Alter!Keith: You’ve already done enough. Actually, I… Your words saved me.

The last time I saw Prince Keith, he looked childish and at peace.

--

(Mmm…I’m in…)

Instead of moonlight, it was sunlight that streamed into the room through the windows. I squinted at the brightness.

When I sat up and looked around, I found myself in Prince Keith’s room.

(Everything that just happened was all a dream)

(It was a pretty realistic dream…my heart still aches a bit)

Alter!Keith: Thought you weren’t in your own room. You were here instead.

Emma: Ah…Prince Keith.

(Oh yeah. I was waiting for him in his room as he finished his official duties)

Alter!Keith: …

(What’s wrong?)

When Prince Keith came into the room, he immediately made his way toward me and sat on the bed.

He awkwardly patted my head.

Alter!Keith: You look like you wanna cry.

Emma: Ah…Well, I was remembering the dream I had.

Alter!Keith: …That so. Then nothing happened to you.

Emma: Sorry for worrying you.

Alter!Keith: Not forgiven.

Emma: Eep!

After nipping my neck, he wrapped his arms around my waist.

The pain in my chest faded away as he patted my back, similar to the way one would when comforting a child.

(Back then and now, Prince Keith’s kindness never changed)

Emma: Um, so your official duties…?

Alter!Keith: I’m done with them.

Emma: You finished pretty early today.

Alter!Keith: More precisely, I put an end to it. Wanted to spend time with you. Since it’s your day off, there’s no point in my working that hard in the first place.

(You say that, but I know you do your job perfectly)

(...So you want to spend time with me?)

Emma: Mnn…

He tilted my chin and captured my lips with his.

It felt a surge of happiness with love from our repeated touches.

We stared at each other and when I kissed him, he pushed me down onto the bed.

(Wicked Prince Keith has things he wants to do for himself now)

(Use his time for himself, and not for the sake of someone else)

Warmth spread in my chest.

(I want this to keep being the norm for him)

With that wish, I hugged my lover tightly.

[writteninlunarlight-years]

The Things I Wanted To Say

This is part two of the story Things I Wish I Got To Say. This is another old one that I must have deleted when I purged my account when I went on hiatus.

You were like any other demon in hell. You were cold and calculating, standoffish and stubborn. It was cute, but I wouldn’t tell you that to your face. I knew you had your set ways in life, and I had mine. I never thought the day would come when I would never see that familiar smile again. Something so cherished in my time by your side that I refused to forget even in my new life.

I thought surely Charlie's magical ideas would never be actual or possible. However, her smile and joy were so contagious that I returned to that hotel countless times to help her achieve her dreams. See, when I died the first time, I was being attacked; in my defense from the attacker, I killed them, and I was cast to hell. It's an odd thing to be considered a sinner, but I wouldn’t change it for the world, especially since I got to see you all those days.

What hurt the most when I left hell wasn’t the sword to my chest or the ringing in my ears. It was knowing I would never see that smile again. That was the worst part of it all, honestly. I got so used to the sound of your static, the buzz of your voice, the joy hanging off your arms.

I still remember when you taught me how to dance. I was horrible at it, I know, but you made me feel like I was the best at it all the same. You made me feel the best at a lot of things, from dancing to cooking. You even let me write scripts for you a time or two. 

I still laugh when I remember how I told you ‘I Know’ when you confessed your love for me. Would you believe me if I told you I was just scared you were lying to me? Yet when you held me close after saying it, you washed all those worries away. I was fortunate to be there with you.

I sometimes still wish I listened to you that night when you begged me to run away. Maybe had I listened, I would still be by your side or have seen your smile. Yet I didn’t. Would you like to know why, my love? Because the thought of you dying without me was too heartbreaking to handle. I couldn’t imagine a life without you, yet here I was, making you live without me.

When I arrived in heaven with Pentious, everyone was shocked. These two angels were there, Emily and Sera. One sure looked more happy than the others. However, Pentious and I fought to make Charlie's dream a reality here in Heaven, too…I know she saw me up here when she visited last. Did she tell you I was alive and well?

Do you care I am alive and well?

I wish to see you again, my love…maybe one day, you will be redeemed as well.

To: My Radio Demon

From: Your Doe

A loud banging was heard at my door. I rushed to cover up my desk, and as I made my way to the door, I straightened myself out, whipping my eyes from the tears I let out. Charlie had brought me the letter that Alastor had written in my absence, and I felt compelled to respond even if he would never read it. Opening the door, I see the young Seriphem Emily standing before me with a bright smile. “OH, Y/N, YOU NEED TO COME WITH ME QUICK!” 

I laughed. She was always so happy when a new batch of hotel residents was redeemed. She always wanted Pentious or me to be there so we could help them adjust to this new life. “Em, please I…I have had a long day…How about you ask Pentious to go instead.” Though I hated to see her frown, she nodded in sad agreement. I closed the door and returned to my desk, looking at the two letters next to each other. When would Charlie be back to give this to him? Would he even read it? Does he hate me for dying? 

As thoughts swam through my head, I recounted the years since my arrival here in Heaven. Looking at all my new photos of my time and journey here, I wondered if my old room in Hell still had those photos from my time there. Charlie said Alastor wouldn’t let a soul into my room once I was gone. 

It took a lot of arguing and convincing to get the angels on Charlie's side even after we appeared here in Heaven. Yet I couldn’t be more proud of the progress all of us have made. Smiling, I let more tears fall. I missed you so much. As I let the dam of emotions release, I heard another knock at my door.

I hoped it wasn’t Emily, though I have always been kind; I knew my current temper would rival my old self in Hell. “EMILY GO AWAY I CAN’T GO OUT NOW!” 

I had so much sorrow and pleading in my voice that I hoped she understood. Yet the knocking continued, only growing more frantic. I sighed, not even bothering to clear my desk as I made my way to the door. Em had often seen me cry over Alastor, so why would this time be any different? 

As I opened the door, time seemed to freeze, to stop dead still. I couldn’t believe my eyes. A new wave of tears and emotions overran my being, and before I knew it, I was jumping into Alastors' arms.

“Hello, dear, long time no see. Did you miss me?” He spoke so clearly, with no static or radio edge. It was odd at first, but it made no difference; the man I loved was standing before me here right now. “Alastor! You are here! How? What?” As I spoke, I pulled away and saw he no longer sported the Red and Black of his typical look. No, he looked ethereal, angelic. Alastor had been redeemed, The Alastor, overlord, and soul owner was redeemed. “Well, my darling, it took a lot of work and quite a few freeing of souls to make this happen.” He smiled, but not the strained, forced smile; it was a regular, normal smile. I felt so at peace; my Alastor was back.

“Oh, Al, you did all of this for me?” He nodded his head, pulling me back into him once more. This time, over his shoulder, I could see a smiling Charlie, Pentious, and Em at our reunion. Pulling me back to face him, I yanked him into the room and closed the door. “Al, we have so much to catch up on; there is no time to waste.” A warm chuckle left his chest as he held me once more. We had all the time in the world now, safe from hell, contracts, and everything that wasn’t our pure, happy love.

I finally have the chance to tell him all the things I wanted to say…

[the-way-astray]

What's your favorite cannon thing you truly like about Keefe Sencen

I DARE you 😈

i've been dared . . .

definitely my favorite thing is the fact that in flashback/legacy he was 100% not only supportive of sophie and fitz's relationship despite having a crush on sophie, but also actively tries to keep sophie from doing something that could even be interpreted as implicative. there was a poll a while ago about whether people thought sophie and keefe were (even unintentionally) emotionally cheating on fitz, and i answered a hard no. and the main reason for that was because of keefe. he does so much to try to keep sophitz together during that time, including telling sophie to confide in fitz, telling her to tell him about the matchmaking thing, shutting ro down (or at least doing his best to), and generally speaking, he did not have to do all that. like, yeah, any decent person would be supportive and not actively try to break their two friends in a relationship up, but keefe goes way beyond that and actively tells sophie exactly what to do in order to keep her relationship with fitz intact. every time fitz "catches" him with sophie it's lowkey painful to think about what keefe must be feeling because he spends so much time trying to prevent that exact thing from happening. there's even a line in legacy where sophie admits this herself. one of the only times he uses his empathy not dubiously is at the end of legacy, where sophie "tells" him (i use the term loosely) that she and fitz broke up. and he immediately says "i'm sorry", expressing out loud his sympathy for their relationship's end.

(one thing i've heard people misinterpret a lot in anti keefe things is the "blond hottie" line, which they say is an inappropriate thing to say about someone in a relationship. that was not said by keefe. that was said by ro. she says that when she's trying to convince sophie that bronte can't be her bio dad, to which keefe then says "unless she gets that from her mom". that's all he says. sophie then wonders whether that meant he agreed with the blond hottie assessment, but that doesn't come from anything he actually says.)

it surprises me that i haven't seen keefe lovers talk more about the fact that fitz literally commissioned him to draw him and sophie in a very romantic pose in a very romantic spot and keefe did it. so i'm going to talk about it. once again, this is not just baseline "my crush is in a relationship, oh well, guess i won't interfere" stuff. this is going above and beyond to keep sophie and fitz together. again, keefe has a crush on sophie. i'm not an artist, but obviously art doesn't just pop up out of thin air. he spent some time making that drawing. and all that time is yet another reminder that his crush is in a relationship. he could've told fitz no, made up some excuse as to why he couldn't do it, and that would've been well within his right. but he didn't. so that's a thing worth mentioning. (i'm going to just say i don't like the argument that fitz knew what he was doing when he asked keefe for the drawing, though. i think fitz just thought "sophie likes keefe's drawings! let me get her one of those" which is sweet in and of itself.)

in unlocked, keefe thinks something like "he definitely should not be happy that two people close to him were going through a rough patch. but, if he was being honest, he wasn't really sad" or something to that effect. and i like that. he has a crush on sophie, so of course part of him will be happy she's now single again. it's realistic. i've definitely talked about this before, but jealousy isn't a character flaw to me. it's only the actions that a character does because of their jealousy that defines whether or not it's a bad thing. but the thing with keefe is that he never allows the fact that he likes sophie to outwardly affect sophie and fitz's relationship in any negative way when they're tentatively dating. sophie and fitz fell apart for a lot of reasons, but the reasons were entirely on sophie and fitz, and had nothing to do with keefe himself. in fact, you could argue they only lasted as long as they did because of keefe.

i complained a lot about how much he doesn't shut up about his hair in my rant. but that was mostly at his humor style and the fact that he literally talks about it at the weirdest times (in his registry file . . . ) more so than the fact itself. and truthfully, he doesn't even talk about it that much. but i think it makes a lot of sense that he takes pride in it. it's the physical manifestation of rebellion against his parents who have controlled every other aspect of his life. he's also an artist, and i think it's a pretty neat thing that that extends to the way he styles his hair. also it looks good. i will die on this hill. just don't look at the laura art. jason chan is my king and keefe's hair is very cool and- *gunshot*

there's also a handful of moments where keefe uses his humor appropriately, to ease tension. best example i can think of is the one katie brought up in this post which is the moment in flashback right before the celestial festival (climax). magnate leto gives them all these sparkler things to light if they're in danger, and keefe sets off a couple prematurely "just to make sure they work" *wink wink nudge nudge* and sophie specifically says the "bit of levity" helped tame the "monster" she's been battling the whole book. when he's able to use his humor appropriately, and not at weird times about weird things, he can be a valuable source of comfort. these moments are unfortunately few and far between, but they do exist.

keefe is also good at calming sophie down when she's panicking, when he's not using his empathy to force her to tell him her feelings. i personally like it more when he's comforting her using his words than his emotional breezes, because that speaks more to his personality than it does to his ability to use his emotional breezes to calm her down. another example katie discusses in the post above is when he's talking to her about the bronte-is-her-bio-dad theory. sophie was panicking because she was thinking about the implications of it (prentice, him acting horrible to her, etc.) and keefe brings her back down to earth with his reassurances that this doesn't change anything about her. when she says bronte can't know she knows, he immediately gets her to reconsider in a gentle way, because like. that's the entire point of her search for her bio parents. he does all this using his words (actually i just checked and he does use his emotional breezes a couple of times but his words do have an impact on their own so we're disregarding that), which does prove that he's very good at knowing what to say to keep her calm.

(also the fact that he was even helping her search for her bio parents is another example of him going above and beyond to keep her relationship to fitz intact. he didn't have to do that at all.)

and lastly, i think i mentioned this in my rant and maybe a couple other places, but i think keefe's jealousy when it comes to family is written very realistically. in neverseen, he's jealous of fitz, biana, sophie, and dex when they hug their parents, and there's a line where he specifically says "i hate watching it. them and della" (them referring to fitz and biana). in unlocked, he's again jealous of dex's family and wishes he'd been born into a family like his. and i think that's written really well. it's pretty subtle and not really shoved in your face, too. i'm pretty sure there's a total of three times it gets brought up: the "them and della" line, one line at the end of neverseen where sophie and dex are hugging edaline and kesler, and then the line in unlocked. very blink and you miss it but i like that. it's one of the few things the narrative doesn't dump a truckload of pity on keefe for, and it makes the few times it is brought up even sadder.

oh, and also i think he's handsome. sue me.

[flusteredfools]

Spoilers for Pluck My Heartstrings Bad End

Doodle Request for the very lovely @pluck-heartstrings

I decided to go with the bad end, cause as much as I adore the good end and all the lovely smooches it has; Sunhinged has my heart in a choke hold and I couldn't get the idea of them having matching red finger tips out of my head. The whole fic is delicious and I don't know how many times I've re-read it. But I head canon the Princess does wake eventually; I mean part of the souls taking over the suits is cause of the agony/pain/fear when dying right? SO I can only imagine their heartbreak as they watch Sun become smaller, how someone they loved doesn't help them, Sun promised he wouldn't let them fall and yet, here they are falling to their death; only they don't die right away. They stay alive and Sun stays beside them, and they must be left to wonder why as they go through all the physical and mental pain. Until it fades to nothing. And then they wake again, no longer themselves, no longer the Princess Sun came to love. And I just imagine them feeling so betrayed by their love, that they can't stand Sun anymore. And poor Moon, his love has changed now as well... So the Princess and Moon both get closer as they mourn the loss of their love and try to make it into something new, while both must have such complex feelings towards Sun... alskfdjalskjfd I just love it. Anyway, here's some close ups and a silly bad end Moon doodle featuring a Sun who's way too far gone to really see how crazy he is.

[mermaidsirennikita]

Found on TWT, obscuring the name.

And this is why I need people to stop only using the times Brontë uses “g****” to refer to Heathcliff in the text to argue for him being a man of color (or claim this means he must be Romani and nothing else and to cast any other man of color would be wrong)

Not only is that kind of explicit conclusion not correct (there is no way to make a 100% conclusion, we can just use our logic to seduce that he was a man of color—he could be Romani, he could be something else) it also opens the door for people like this person to go “BUT THAT COULD MEAN ITALIAN”

When the one specific reference EB did use more than once to describe Heathcliff is “Indian” or “lascar”, which was a word used to refer to Asian or Arab sailors. The specificity there (the other racial identity she gets that specific about is Chinese) does have an implication.

But what really makes this person show their lack of knowledge on this is that they continue in the thread as if Earnshaw just grabbed Heathcliff off any old streets, when in fact he brought him home after traveling to….. Liverpool. Notably… a maritime city. Which means there is potential for Heathcliff or his mother to have come from so many places.

And that is perhaps the bigger clincher against this person’s argument, which is a nuance you won’t get if you’re just reading snippets referencing Heathcliff’s race.

Same user:

This is the same person responding to people going “uh, what about Dido Elizabeth Belle [a mixed race Black womanly raised by her father’s white family] OH! This is so close. So so close. It’s almost like the last part (among other things) is a reason why some readers and scholars wonder if Mr. Earnshaw did not in fact pick Heathcliff up out of nowhere….

[allthesmutl0vers]

Muggle!Reader x George Weasley

Request: Fluffy Muggle!reader with George please!

@jason-todd-fangirl-14

TW: None, just fluff! 💜

A/N: I really hope you like it, I just kind of ran with it. 😅

"And what's this?" George asks curiously at the TV in the livingroom.

I can't help but chuckle, rolling my eyes with a smile as I grab the remote and turn it on. It never ceases to amaze me that with all the magic wizards have, they don't have TV. "It's a TV, Georgie," I say as the TV turns on and I open Netflix, sitting down on the couch. I pat the cushion next to me. "Come watch with me."

"Wicked," he smiles wide, taking the remote in his hands and looking it over. "Is this like a wand for the, TV, you called it?"

I smile and nod, giving him the run down of how it works. "You can pick whatever you want," I tell him with a smile.

"What do you like to watch?" George asks me. "I want to watch what you like."

I smile and tell him the name of my current obsession, telling him how to search for it. "Wow, and they do all of this, without magic?" He asks in shock.

I giggle as I lay my head on his shoulder. "Now you know how I feel whenever you do magic," I tease.

George chuckles as he wraps an arm around me and pulls me closer, tipping my chin up to meet his face. "Beautiful, you mean?" He says softly, kissing the tip of my nose.

I shake my head and chuckle softly. "You're incorrigible," I respond, the doubt from before he came to visit creeping up inside of me again like a snake, twisting around my insides.

"What's wrong, love?" He asks, his brows furrowed in curiosity and worry.

I sigh, looking down at my hands. "It's silly," I shake my head.

George quickly tips my head back up again, forcing me to look him in the eyes. "Tell me."

"I just..." I bite my lower lip. "I just wonder why you're with me, is all. After all, I'm just a muggle. Wouldn't you rather be with a witch? I'm sure all of the girls at your school are beautiful. And they can do all sorts of magic, and I'm just," I feel the tears well in my eyes. "Ordinary," the word makes me feel like shit.

George breathes deeply, looking into my eyes, seemingly thinking for a few moments before he speaks. "There is nothing wrong with ordinary, my love," He says calmly. "Yes, the girls at my school may be witches, but I don't want them. I want you."

I want to believe him, and a part of me does, but how could he want someone ordinary when he is anything but? His whole world is anything but ordinary. "What happens if we want to get married?" I ask. It's a logical question, would he be willing to leave his entire world behind for me? Would I really be willing to let him?

George blinks a few times as if he's processing my question. We haven't talked about marriage before, but with us both about to finish school and the doubts I have, it seems like the right time to bring it up. "I don't want you to have to walk away from everything you know," I explain to his silence. "You can't do magic around muggles and it just feels like I'd be ripping you away from the only world you-"

George cuts me off, pressing his lips to mine. "I'd bring you with me," he says against my lips.

"W-what?" I ask, slightly confused.

George chuckles and shakes his head, pulling back and brushing through my hair with his fingers. "You heard me, silly girl," he smiles. "I'd bring you with me. You can live in my world. I know how much you love magic, you can see it every day at the joke shop me and Fred want to open," he smiles.

"But, I'm not a witch," I remind him. "I'm not allowed in your world. Your family practically has to smuggle me in. How many times can I use the excuse that I 'lost my wand' before people catch on?"

"If you marry me, you don't have to hide being a muggle. And you'll be able to stay," he says with a smile, brushing my cheek with his fingers.

"I can?" I ask in disbelief. I feel the heavy weight of doubt lift off of me and be replaced with excitement. My eyes widen and a huge smile forms on my face. "Why didn't you tell me before?!" I ask with a smile, swatting his chest.

George laughs, catching my hand and holding it in his. "I didn't want you to think I was rushing you or asking you before you were ready," he blushes. "Would you want to live in my world?" He asks as I watch him pull a small box from his pocket.

My hands cover my mouth, I can't believe my eyes as he opens it, revealing the ring inside. "Oh, Georgie. It's beautiful," I gasp, cupping his face and pressing my lips to his.

George kisses me back with a smile before pulling back. "Is that a yes?" he asks nervously.

I nod, feeling tears well in my eyes. "Yes."

[cerise-on-top]

Hi Simon! Hope you are doing well! I was wondering if you if you could do the 141 + a bonus character of your choice with a drag queen S\O?



Hey there! I'm fine, thank you! I only write about 4 characters at a time, though, so no bonus characters!

TF 141 with a Drag Queen S/O

Price: I don’t think he knows much about drag queens, in all honesty. Sure, he may have occasionally seen one or two in a gay bar he used to frequent when he was younger, but he never really gave them much thought again afterwards. Though, he has a lot of respect for them, given how society treats them. They’re not treated that well, after all. When someone was being rude to them, he would fight the asshole since they weren’t hurting anyone. If you tell him that you’re a drag queen as well, he’d get really worried. While he won’t tell you to not dress up like one and live your best life, I think he would ask to accompany you on your outings when he can. He’s seen how people call your kind “pedophiles” and whatnot. It’s truly revolting to him, No, he’d much rather go out with you. It gives him an excuse to be closer to you as well, which I’m sure you don’t particularly mind either. He grows extremely protective over you and won’t hesitate to absolutely demolish anyone, who looks at you the wrong way. Not ashamed at all to be seen with you either. Why would he be? You’re the love of his life, so he’s going to support you in any way he can.

Gaz: Adores watching you put on your makeup. Babe, you look absolutely stunning in this, I bought you some more makeup, would you like to try it on as well? Unlike the others, Gaz actually has a sense of fashion and knows what would look good on you. He has the monetary means to buy you a little something here and there as well. So when he sees a dress that you would look absolutely stunning in? Yeah, he’s buying it for you. Will always, and I mean always, hype you up when it comes to something like this. If you perform then he’ll always ask you when your next performance will be so he can be there to cheer you on. And if anyone ever were to give you shit? They’ll be taken care of before they can even open their unworthy mouth. You are an absolute queen, you are killing it wherever you go. And if some dumb walnut can’t recognize that, then they don’t deserve to be in your presence. Will proudly hold your hand in public and look at you as though he’s just won the septuple jackpot. I don’t think he knows any of the history, though. He may not be straight, but that doesn’t mean he actually knows much of the history behind it all. All he knows is that you kick ass and that’s what he loves about you.

Ghost: I honestly don’t think he’d care all that much about it. You’re you, and he loves and appreciates you, doesn’t matter if you’re a drag queen, a drag king, or something else entirely. He’d let you do your own thing, buy you the occasional makeup or dress since you seem to be in your element when you’re wearing those things. Don’t expect those dresses to always be to your taste, though. He may get a sense for it eventually, but it would take some time. He wouldn’t care too much about it, until you’ve gotten a mean comment about who you are. From then on he’s absolutely fuming. Not at who you are and what you enjoy, but rather at the hater, who can’t seem to appreciate true art when it kicks them in the stomach. From then on he’d take interest in it to make you happy. He’ll learn about the history, your accomplishments and all that stuff. Will sometimes strike up a conversation with you about it as well, just to see you light up and excitedly tell him about it. He does not understand everything, but he tries really hard. You can tell him just about anything and he’d have no choice but to nod along and believe you. But why would you lie about your passions to him in the first place?

Soap: I think he’d genuinely be weirded out by drag queens for the better part of his life. Why are they dressed like that? What are they trying to prove? No, he doesn’t really like men, who are being feminine like that. And then you came along, making his world go upside down. On the one hand, it was weird to him, but on the other hand, he loved and adored you and didn’t want to lose you. Therefore he made an effort to take an interest in it and support you in your little thing. At first that interest was genuinely forced, he wanted nothing to do with it, but eventually, he’d warm up to the idea. I don’t think he’ll ever buy you a dress or some makeup without you being there, though. Soap is absolutely clueless whenever it comes to anything fashion related. He would go along here and there when you would go out all dressed up. I think in the initial phase, he wouldn’t want to be seen with you, but that would change eventually. Like a good boy, he’d do his research and try to find something that sticks with him so he has something to talk about with you. Again, he’d find enjoyment in it eventually, you just gotta give him some time and he will fiercely protect you from assholes and anyone else trying to bring him down. He’s just gotta warm up to the idea first.

[allwormdiet]

Buzz 7.8

Nazi capes fuck off, like fucking for real

Honestly even if Kaiser deigned to tell his people that the Undersiders weren't responsible, somehow I doubt any Empire member would be inclined to treat them with much respect.

Yeah, see, this isn't about the leaks for Hookwolf. This is about the fucking beef over the dog fights.

Not a genius move from the driver, honestly. If you really want to put bullets in the villains that have good defensive capabilities, the last thing you want to do is give up the element of surprise. Stormtiger may not have been able to deflect those shots if he didn't have enough time to react.

Also, does Cricket wield kama? Like, the fucking Japanese farming tool? Are you allowed to join the Empire if you're a blatant weeaboo?

This is a really bad matchup honestly, it's tense to see how close they get to death with these fuckers

Disturbingly evocative and sadistic, but what else is to be expected from fucking Nazis, right

Clever guy

Fuck yeah, environmental takedown

Grue is fucking hardcore. Two shots to Stormtiger's legs and not even bothering to acknowledge Cricket's hostage. Dude does not fuck around when it comes to Empire, the only restraint here is that he's not killing them outright but honestly I wouldn't feel bad if he did. Just dump their bodies into the water, bing bang boom.

Well, okay, I guess Hookwolf would still be a problem, wouldn't he

This Cricket gal is bullshit honestly

So, yeah, now that we've gotten all three of the Empire capes to show their powers, I'll go ahead and say that this fight was stacked against Skitter and Grue from the jump. Hookwolf can't be fought hand-to-hand without being shredded to pieces and insects can't do much about metal flesh. Stormtiger can get bugs off himself no problem and can blast away Grue's darkness. Cricket, meanwhile, has some kinda sonic blast that lets her navigate Grue's darkness and also incapacitate Skitter's bugs.

The fact that they get out of this fight alive is a testament to remarkable intelligence and grit on their part.

This is a brutal slugfest honestly, although the fucking Nazi deserves every second of pain she's getting from it.

It's a little funny that they're having this conversation in front of Cricket. Like "oh yeah it looks bad but she's too busy being a sadist to do any real damage," "oh that sucks ass of her but I'm glad you're not too hurt" and she's laying there with a chunk of thigh missing. She should be embarrassed enough to leave town forever.

Yeah Cricket's busted, but good news is she's taken care of

It's a little funny that they're both stuck stitching each other back up after Brian cut off any romantic options. Like I've seen a lot of works where patching up someone's wounds and putting them back together would have a kind of bloodsoaked intimacy to it, but not here lmao

Also yeah you'd better appreciate Tattletale

These little punks. Love em to bits.

Okay so real quick, noticing Taylor's description of how Regent is talking, and I wonder how grounded Alec is as a baseline. Like I have to imagine that the Heartbreaker Experience doesn't do a whole lot of wonders for learning how to connect to the world around you. Is it an affectation like I've been speculating, or is that just the best he's got for engaging with reality?

I wish going straight for Purity meant killing her, but even without reading the rest of this arc I know the Undersiders don't have that kind of firepower. I can dream, though.

Teehee, parallels

Current Thoughts

I wish Grue managed to kill all three of the Empire capes but I get why he couldn't. I'll just have to hope they all die later.

Awesome that they managed to get the win over those bastards in the first place though, I don't think this is my favorite fight in terms of the beat-by-beat action but in terms of how they have to overcome the disadvantage of enemy powers it feels the best.

[wings-of-ink]

i looked at your ask guidelines and figured i’d ask for the 3 ro we have so far (oswin,zahn,and duri), but how would they act if in a group setting, mc was asked who their favorite is, and mc said their name?? (love your writing to the moon and back 💖💖💖)

Awe, thank you Anon! I'm so glad you enjoy it! This is a very cute question, and I feel like shenanigans could break out...

Let's set the scene for this too. Say, the gang is on their travels and sitting around the fire at night. They're eating and chatting and the mood is good - things are going well. Pretty sure ??? has been observing everyone's interactions, and he's the one that asks the million dollar question - let the (cute) chaos begin....

Oswin:

Oswin immediately chokes on his drink - the water invades his lungs and he coughs hard. He's spilled it as well, soaking his tunic from the neck down. The others stare and Duri is snickering uncontrollably.

"Me!?" Oswin yelps in between hacking coughs. He looks to the others. For what, he does not know.

MC smiles and nods. "Well, yeah - you. If I had to pick one of you as my favorite, it's you. Always."

Oswin knows his ears are going red - he can feel the heat already. He can hardly fathom why he'd be the favorite. He's been so...

"Grumpy," MC says.

"Huh?"

"I said, you're my favorite even when you're grumpy." They smile at him.

Oswin smiles back, and he thinks he feels the prick of tears at the corner of his eyes - no doubt from choking earlier... "Well, you're my favorite too..." he says quietly.

??? snorts, breaking the tender moment as Rune shoots him a glare. "Well, duh - as if you haven't made it obvious."

Oswin grips the hilt of his sword.

Zahn:

A zing of energy immediately races through Zahn as they hop up from their seat. "Me!?"

MC laughs. "Yeah - you."

Zahn doesn't remember ever being a favorite before. What does that mean now? Are they best friends? ...Are they more now? Could they be? They have so many questions and so many thoughts. "So what now?" Zahn asks.

MC shrugs. "What do you mean?"

"If I'm your favorite, do I get a prize or anything? Oh! Should we have a ceremony - a feast or something - to celebrate."

Oswin scoffs. "Hey now, you're not uniting in marriage, and this isn't a competition anyway."

??? snickers. "Says the guy that lost."

Oswin glowers.

Everyone can practically hear Rune roll their eyes. "Can you two just let them be and enjoy their moment? I'll separate you again if I have to."

Zahn ignores the others and plops next to MC, pushing Duri out of the way after a brief struggle. They smile big at MC, their heart racing in wonder and gratitude. They wonder if MC would allow a little peck on their cheek...

Duri:

Duri snorts ungracefully and begins to cackle.

Rune raises a hand and lightly slaps Duri's upper arm. "Duri'naan," they say in a harsh whisper.

MC looks around at the others wondering what was so funny.

Duri looks up and sees everyone looking at them with equal parts curiosity and pity. "What?"

"Why did you laugh?" MC asks, looking a bit hurt.

Eyes shifting around from MC to ??? and back to MC, Duri fidgets. "That...was a joke right? You're pulling my leg..."

They shake their head. "No, genuinely - if I had to choose - it's you."

Duri looks back at ??? who wears a sly smile. "Is this...are you messing with me right now? Both of you? I guess I win and I should whisk you away or something then?" Duri laughs again, the sound is strained.

??? lays back on his perch. "No little wolf - no one is tricking you - not this time."

Duri meets MC's eyes as they begin to nervously pick at their fingernails. "Um...thank you. Sorry I laughed..."

MC approaches Duri with a soft smile, gently grabbing their hands to stop them from hurting their fingers. "It's okay."

[babacontainsmultitudes]

Hmmm... So the whole thing about Zhouzel's mother having to eat 1000 souls might explain at least part of why the initial (failed) ritual was set up as a boxing match (immediate souls to be fed after she's eaten the warrior offering, albeit probably not nearly enough but a start), and Zhouzel supposedly being a god-slayer that fights the other entities explains why the man in the trophy store described Zhouzel as "brave", though he also described it as "rising in the light of Adothi" and I wonder now if Adothi is simply the name of its mother or something else entirely.

-> Okay below is a lot of random, loosely connected thoughts that have been circling around in my brain regarding the happenings of the world and its entities, but please note before venturing further that 1. A lot of it is quite out there, incredibly speculative (if not full-on conspiracy), and likely to be flat-out wrong and 2. I haven't like relistened to the episodes properly so there could be plenty of important details I'm forgetting/missing. So please, feel free both to refute any of the theories being proposed here if you think that evidence exists to the contrary, and feel free to share your own thoughts and theories (no matter how "out-there") on the mysteries of Peachyville and everything beyond it, I'd love to hear them.

OKAY. Speaking of the trophy guy, flame has been playing an interesting role in the narrative thus far. The trophy gu- oh Hal that was his name- Hal wields it in an attempt to spare both himself and the party from whatever fate Peachyville is apparently destined towards should the powers that lie beyond the veil (Zhouzel included) be unleashed, then we learn from the book Trudy finds [did it have a name? I can't remember] that the being unleashed from the failed ritual (presumably this was also Zhouzel's mother) is weak to fire, then related to and following that we have that pretty horrifying scene where the flamethrowers come out through a portal (more on that in a moment) and kill everyone who was trying to escape, then in this episode the ritual room has fire extinguishing foam prepped and ready to go. So what's up with that? Are all the entities weak to fire (unlikely, since The Doodler does not appear to be)? Is it just some of them, or really just Zhouzel's mother? Could there be some other entity associated with flame in some way or another? One that inspires its own kind of madness, as in the case of Hal?

The flamethrower scene is quite interesting and raises a number of questions. The goal was almost certainly to do away with the entity in the ring, but whether that was with the goal of reattempting the ritual down below or fighting the ritual entirely is unclear. The latter case is rather interesting, because it implies that there are people other than Moth Jesus (and Relish Wet?) and the PCs actively trying to prevent The Bisons from summoning Zhouzel, and that these people may be quite powerful and dangerous in their own right. Moreover, in his phonecall with Trudy (who he believed to be Tucker), Dr. Man actually suggests exactly this: that there are people working against those still involved in Project Heartland (or whatever's become of it now) and that betrayal within the organization has already occured. So who then? Actually *one* of these enemy factions we've already known for a while now: the soviets. Everything that "Penny Picket" had to say to Tony in episode 4 and that which E.B. White had to say about her in episode 5 (describing her as the "former KGB occult operations officer") suggests that 1. the soviets are aware of and against the plan to summon Zhouzel, and 2. the british are most likely in favor of and associated with it and Project Heartland alongside the americans. So maybe the portal and flamethrowers belonged to the soviets, but are there more possibilities than that? Well, Mama Anderson (I can't remember her first name if it's been said), as you may recall, wanted Kelsey to win against The Bison's chosen warrior, which as we saw of course fucked with the ritual, so it seems likely albeit not certain that she and the Anderson gang are enemies of The Bisons and against Zhouzel's summoning as well, possibly responsible for the flame thrower incident, though the extent of their intentions remains unclear (they could just be a gang mainly concerned with money, of course, or things could go much deeper than that).

Leaving that there and instead returning to the topic of flame, I ask again, could there be some entity associated with flame and fire? It's a farfetched theory at the moment, but not entirely out of the question. Of those mentioned, Zhouzel and Adothi (if Adothi is the name of an entity at all and not just something else entirely) are most likely out of the question, as is The Doodler of course, and I highly doubt either The Maggot Whore or "The Cloud Thing" would be. Daegon perhaps? [Okay, now we're getting into real conspiracy theory territory for a moment or several] The only "Daegon" I could find (with that spelling at least) is the mortal combat character hehe, but in all fairness to the theory that guy is a demi-god and does have fire-related abilities. Not connected to Daegon specifically but still to the possibility of a fire-oriented entity, when Trudy reads from her book she reads the following passages:

In 1503 I saw through the veil And cried 666 words in a wail Ask me a question and draw out 3 cards And with them I'll show you the fate in your stars

For our purposes right now, it's the 666 portion that's of particular interest, since it alludes to more classical/biblical notions of something demonic/devilish and hence associated with fire. Guillermo Campos' accounts and existence may nod to the existence of a more devilish entity as well (referring mainly to his ties to catholicism, sins, and the inquisition). As a small and mostly unimportant sidenote, though I don't have any real evidence to support this, I somehow feel as though these passages may be related to the "Testimony of the Unknown Pagan", referenced in episode 9. Also, both Trudy's and Guillermo's books suggest that contact with all that lies beyond the veil far precedes Project Heartland.

As a small, final note tangentially-related to that last point, books also seem to be a reoccurring and important matter, as evidenced by the individual books mentioned as well as the existence of the archives themselves. The Maggot Whore, moreover, is said to read from The Book Of Many Eyes (and this book is mentioned again by someone talking to Dr. Man in the hospital in episode 7), which kind of makes me wonder if we'll finally encounter her(?) at the archives, though to be honest the zoo feels just as likely to me (something something rotting flesh). This reoccurring motif of books above all else has me wondering what's in store for Peachyville's happiest and snappiest schoolmarm, and that's not even getting into the implications and consequences of the decision she made today.

...

Okay okay one more thing that absolutely doesn't matter and never will but the implication from the episode 3 intro that the film "four father's in fantasy land" was used as part of a failed experiment orchestrated as part of Project Heartland (that failed experiment of course being what happened to Hildy/what we saw footage of in Oakvale) makes me wonder if there's an original version of the film, and hence of the S1/S2 universe, before its tape was altered by the Heartland experiment, where the doodler isn't released and S2 of course goes very very differently. OKAY THAT'S ALL GOODNIGHT PEACHYVILLE, GOODNIGHT.