#i yearn i ache

[rotten-pup]

It's okay pup, I know you need to grind into my boot, no need to be embarrassed. You poor thing, look at me, as long as you clean up your mess after you can hump yourself as dumb as you need to, okay? Okay. Such a good puppy, you look so cute when you're desperate like that.

[moonchild-in-blue]

Have you ever noticed how Vessel has never actually said the words "I love you"? Like. He says it many, many times - each breath he takes is a confession - but he has never said it.

It's always "my love is / as (...)", "I'm full of the love you want", "like lovers", "your love", "(...) falling in love with me". The closest we get is "I made loving you (...)". Which still isn't quite the same as saying I love you.

It's almost like he needs to put some sort of barrier between what he feels and what he knows it's the truth to lessen the blow. Because he does love them, and will continue to do so, forevermore. No matter the cost of rain, through death. He's theirs unconditionally, even if it hurts him, right?

But they don't feel the same. He knows that. He begs for it, for them to fall for him, to take a bite, show him what it's like.

Vessel knows that they want his love, companionship, worship, whatever you want to call it, the way a wolf wants its prey. He knows that they keep him around, keep pretending to be falling in love with him, merely as play thing, a means to an end. He knows all of this and keeps loving anyway, knowing that his love doesn't matter.

You don't really love,

you just hate to be alone.

Because hiding behind big, fancy, flourished phrases like "I'll live like I've got missing limbs for you", and "My arms belong around you", and "We go beyond the farthest reaches", and -

And you know I'll be yours Just want to be worth it I will run like the wind till you follow me again

- is much easier than to admit the very simple and pathetic three-worded truth, knowing it is not reciprocated. Not anymore at least (if ever).

If what they say is "Nothing is forever", then what makes love the exception?

[funsize-cenobites]

[thinwhitedoc]

SHERLOCK | Martin Freeman as John Watson

[skywalkr-nberrie]

It honestly makes me cry how Padmé in her dying moments and as she’s giving birth was aching and yearning for Anakin to be by her side. Just as Vader was in anguish and pain, and longing to see Padmé, to know if she’s safe.

In the last scene where she’s giving birth she’s in such a haze due to labor, and in such a state of “heartbreak” that she doesn’t recognize her surroundings and doesn’t even realize that people were beside her because she’s so focused on Anakin (+giving birth ofc) we see it clearly in the ROTS novel

We see here that OW is holding onto Padmé’s hand which he described as being “still and cold” clearly her lack of strength from giving birth, but also because she’s heartbroken and is somewhat becoming numb (as she dies 💔) she’s not at all responsive nor does she react to human contact. Then we see that she’s clearly muddled and completely unaware of her surroundings as it describes that her “eyes rolled blindly” and yet, she’s still thinking of Anakin (as she’s giving birth) when she says what the gender of the baby was, and that Anakin thinks it’s a girl, so Padmé thinks so as well.

Then, despite her lack of strength and motivation, we see Padmé pick up all the strength she has left to reach up to her newborn son, Luke.

After she’s given birth, again all of Padmé’s thoughts just round back to her aching and yearning for Anakin. Once again, not even aware of her surroundings or even able to hear anyone in her vicinity due to how heartbroken she is over losing her husband and this precious moment with him (the birth of their babies) OW clearly tells Padmé that Anakin isn’t there when Padmé calls out to him, yet she can’t hear him, Padmé continues to constantly call out to him, telling him she loves him, and that she’s sorry for the misunderstanding that happened between them (even though absolutely NONE of it was her fault.)

Then we come to this part where it reveals that Padmé with the same hand she touched her new born babies with, was actually clutching onto the Japor Snippet that Anakin had given her this entire time she was giving birth. Part of me believes she was holding onto it as a substitute for Anakin’s hand, hence why she was in such a daze, unable to recognize anyone around her, and kept calling out to Anakin. She desperately wanted him by her side, and holding onto the Japor Snippet was like a solace for her.

It was only in the last minute where the novel describes her eyes to have finally cleared for only a moment, and she recognized OW, and even in that last moment of hers, her thoughts are of only Anakin. And of her undying, unwavering faith, trust, and love for him. Telling OW with full conviction that there is still good inside the man she loves, and she’s putting the very proof of it into his palms 💔

OW shows Yoda the Japor Snippet Padmé put into his hand, and Yoda can immediately tell right away that it was a possession that was precious to Padmé, and that she must’ve cherished it a lot. He suggests that she should be buried with it, and OW taps into the Force at that moment and can also feel the “soaring echos” of the love shared between Anakin and Padmé to which he describes as “transcendent love” and can also feel what he describes as “a bleak, black despair of an unendurable heartbreak” (clearly referring to Padmé.) He agrees that Padmé should also be buried with the Japor Snippet, so that Padmé can at least go away in peace, with a remnant of the man she truly, deeply, loved, still with her.

[f4gwithf4ngs]

currently smothering my face in a pillow because AAAHHHH I WANNA KISS A BOY!!!! I WANNA KISS A BOY SO BAD!!!! MAYBE MAKEOUT A LITTLE… AAAHHHHH

[sleepy-steve]

@steddieangstyaugust 05/08 // ‘Please Please Please, Let Me Get What I Want’ by The Smiths

wc: 2.2k // rating: M // cw: language, negative self talk // tags: YEARNING, post-s4 but vecna dies, eddie has some self-esteem issues, mild references to sexual content

divider credits @steddiecameraroll-graphics

Eddie isn’t sure when it started. When this… obsession took over his life. When he suddenly couldn’t think of anything but Steve Harrington.

It could have been when they started hanging out every day, the threat of otherworldly horrors gone and the Big Evil defeated. When they realised that while they don’t necessarily have much in common, they both care to learn about what the other likes.

It could have started before that, when Steve continually showed up to help him through his physical therapy, never wavering in his kindness despite how many times Eddie snapped in frustration or lashed out at him. Steve always took it in stride, but never patronised him. Or was it even before that? When Steve showed up everyday to his bedside in the hospital, at first appearing to just be chauffeuring Dustin, but then visiting on his own. Spending hours talking with him or letting the silence settle between them, filling the hours where Wayne couldn’t be there.

Shit, if Eddie really thought about it, it went further back than that too. Before Steve carried him out of hell and quite literally saved his life—though that alone was enough to make a guy swoon—and before the moment Eddie flirted with him in the RV (and really, what was he thinking with that?) and even before their little heart to heart in the aforementioned hell after the first bat attack.

No, if Eddie was honest with himself, it all went back to Steve’s surprise appearance in the boathouse, shoved up against the wall with a shard of glass pressed to his neck and fear in his eyes. Eddie remembers feeling Steve tremble as Eddie held tight to his jacket, watching as he swallowed, skin of his throat pressing against the glass. Eddie’s own hands shook around the broken bottle, from exertion and fear, and god help him he was not going down without a fight in that moment. Their all too literal colliding of worlds was not something he could have been prepared for, nevermind the fact that Eddie almost killed him. But it was that brief moment, so miniscule, right before Eddie let him go, that he realised Steve really wouldn’t hurt him. Despite being held up and almost having his throat slashed, Steve had dropped the oar.

It was the first hint he got that all those things Dustin had said about Steve were actually true. That all the ideas he’d previously had about Steve Harrington were undeniably false. And Eddie only continued to be proven wrong by the sheer magnitude of Steve’s kindness, his patience, his unending love for his friends. Which now, by some miracle, Eddie was a part of.

It had grown. Out of something that should have just been a trauma-bond that then dissolved once they were quote-unquote healed and realised they actually had nothing in common besides the shared experience of almost dying in an otherworldly dimension. It had grown into something much more than that, something that Eddie never really had before. He’d had friends before, sure, his little sheepies and his band mates, but nothing quite like this. It was both his fault and also not. When he arrived in middle school and was immediately bullied for daring to be a little bit different—despite the differences having more to do with his class status than anything he had truly picked at that time—the walls came up. People could get somewhat close to him, but ultimately Eddie decided just how much he would give to people, and arms length was always safest. They wouldn’t be able to hurt him at arms length.

And yet. Steve Harrington had somehow wormed himself past the walls, beyond the arms length barrier, and settled himself neatly within Eddie’s rib cage. Not only that, Steve brought along the rest of his little group, a family that knocked down Eddie’s walls and forged a space just for him. It went beyond the trauma bond. It had grown into something that almost felt like Steve cared about him. Actually, that wasn’t fair. Steve absolutely did care about Eddie. He’d shown it time and time again. Shown up and held tight and given his time and space and love, being the kind of best friend Eddie only dreamed of having.

And here he was, greedy. Desperately craving more. More of the connection, more of the love —platonic though it is—more of which he has already been given. Arguably he’s received far more than he ever thought he deserved (despite what his new friends might say). But Eddie can’t help it.

He wants. He craves.

He fucking aches for it.

It grips him in a chokehold, this desperation with which he begs to receive more. To have more. To be more. It wasn’t enough to have Steve’s friendship, Eddie wanted his whole heart. His whole soul, even. Every tiny speck of stardust that came together to create him, Eddie wanted it in his possession. Wanted it all to himself, to hoard like a dragon’s greatest treasure. To lock this man away and keep him safe and shower him with love and devotion every day for the rest of his life. He longed for it to the point of feeling more animal than man, a slave to his own desires. Helpless against his own hunger for a connection that would run bone deep between them, etched into his skull, woven into his blood. Eddie burned to fucking consume Steve Harrington and be consumed by him. To have their souls merge together in a supernova and, and, and…

And nothing. Because it would never happen. Not for Eddie, not the way that he wants it to. He reminds himself constantly that he should just be grateful to have the friendship, to cherish it for the special thing that it is. That guys like Steve Harrington didn’t want guys like Eddie Munson, at least not in that way. Not in the way Eddie wanted, because Eddie never got what he wanted.

Well, not never. But rarely. When he goes down this spiral, he struggles to remember times he has actually gotten what he wanted. In love, in romance? Never. Kisses—too fast, too hard, too scared—shared with boys who met him behind the bleachers and didn’t know what they wanted. Or rather, did know but wished they didn’t. Those that ended in the boys running away, or worse, threatening to hit him—to kill him—if Eddie dared to speak about what happened. Not that anyone would believe a jock would ever turn to Eddie The Freak Munson, even as an experiment. That’s all he ever was when he was younger, an experiment. It was all he thought he deserved, at least until he got a bit older and was able to venture out of Hawkins. Then came other stuff. Quick, filthy hookups in club bathrooms and dark alleyways in Indy. A stranger’s tongue in his mouth and their hands in each other’s pants and maybe their mouths on each other and the flash of a smile before leaving and he’d never see them again. It was fine. He got what he set out for in those moments, but nothing more. He never felt like he was owed more, never felt worthy of more, so why would anyone give him that? At least they didn’t end in threats of violence. At least he felt desired, somewhat. But, if given the chance, he’d trade all those experiences for one night of feeling like he was the prize, like he was the one worth fighting for, like someone wanted his heart.

And the craziest part was… sometimes he did feel that way. Sometimes Steve made him feel that way. Like Eddie was the most special person on the planet. Like no one else could draw his attention away. Like they were the only two people in the world. Like Steve could actually…

No. It wasn’t like that. Eddie had to remind himself endlessly. It wasn’t like that. This love wasn’t reserved just for Eddie, who watched Steve share it with all of them. When he picked up Dustin to take him wherever he wanted to go, despite the squabbling they shared. The way he and Robin seemed to read each other's minds, attached at the hip whenever possible. How he helped Max after she got out of the hospital, ready to drop everything at a second’s notice if she needed him. Spending afternoons training basketball with Lucas, giving him all of his tips and shining with pride at his skills.

Still… there was something. Something in the way Steve’s eyes lit up whenever Eddie arrived. Something in the way he was almost always too close, fingers brushing as beers were passed, arms and legs pressed against each other during movie nights, arms held tight when nightmares returned, and one glorious evening of warm cuddling and dreamless sleep after sharing a joint. Eddie lived in those moments, let them play on an endless loop in his mind, reading deep into each tiny interaction. Thinking about every smile sent his way and was it any different from the smiles anyone else got? God, he wanted to believe Steve had a special one just for him. One that was a little bit softer and sweeter and shyer.

The idea is nice, but it’s washed away by the cold reality of the fact that it would never happen. Even if, by some miracle, Steve was anything other than straight, why would he want Eddie? He could have anyone he wanted. And Eddie wouldn’t get what he wanted because that’s just how life was for him. Though he may beg and plead with invisible entities for it, though he might crave and ache to the point of feeling feral with it, though he might promise—swear on his life—to himself and anyone up there listening that he’d treat Steve so well if given the chance, Eddie knew it just wasn’t on the cards. The sooner he accepted that the better.

His resolve in place—forget about it, or at least bury it until it could be forgotten—Eddie makes his way up the driveway to the Harrington house. He wouldn’t think about it for the entirety of movie night. He absolutely would not.

“Hey, man!” Steve answers the door with a perfect smile and joy in his eyes. Eddie’s resolve wobbles. “Just in time.”

Eddie takes a moment to steel himself, firmly reminding himself of his goal, as he follows Steve into the house. And it lasts for all of two minutes before he’s pulled down onto the sofa, thigh pressed against Steve’s. Was there truly any reason for Eddie to be tortured this way? He tries to remember that Robin is on the other side of Steve, and that there’s limited room on the sofa but fucking hell… Their shoulders brush, the soft grazes through layers of fabric sending Eddie’s mind spinning, until Steve places his arm around behind Eddie on the sofa-back, not quite touching but close enough to feel the heat of his skin. And god, this is so much worse. The desire to lean in and cuddle him, just nestle right in and have Steve’s arm around him, drives him crazy. The idea that they could… that this could be normal for them, domestic even. It went beyond the physical, Eddie wanted to take care of him. To show him the love Steve had so willingly given to him, and give it back ten-fold, hundred-fold. To create a life with him. To be proud of him and show him off and love him endlessly. To go to the ends of the earth to grant Steve his every wish, if he could just have one chance, he was begging—

Get it together! Eddie’s internal voice hisses at him, and he tries to shove all his thoughts back down into a vault, feeling a bit like trying to get water back into a broken hydrant. He does his best, managing to get it back down to a simmer, rather than a rapid boil.

Steve shifts slightly, suddenly a bit closer. It all comes rushing back. The warmth where their thighs are touching becomes burning hot and all the aching, craving, yearning, wanting that Eddie tried to shove down and out of his mind is suddenly front and centre and focused on the way Steve laughs and those glorious moles dotting down his neck. He feels insane with longing, desperate to press his lips to those moles, as if that could ever convey the depth of his feelings for the man beside him. Overcome with the need to drag his fingers through that beautiful hair and maybe even pull on it a little, just to see what kind of noise Steve makes, Eddie hears the tiny voice in his mind telling him off for staring. He just can’t seem to drag his eyes away. Steve throws his head back with a laugh, exposing his throat, and Eddie might as well perish right then and there, distraught with how much he wants to bite it. To just sink his teeth into the skin and feel Steve’s pulse beneath with his tongue. To leave bites and bruises all over his body, everywhere Eddie thinks is beautiful…

Before he can summon enough shame to look away, Steve catches his eye, and just grins, eyes lit up with that same brightness he always seems to have when looking at him.

Eddie’s a fucking goner.

[zehl0w]

Zenitsu agatsuma has got to be the biggest egg I have ever seen in my entire life

[nooskadraws]

the meeting on the turret stairs, but make it my oath of the crown paladin and his nobleman charge 🌿✨🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

[sleepanonymous]

Mentally I am still here (Sick New World 2024 Spiral Stage)

[sirena-de-lunas]

i know the second half will focus on whistledown and colin’s writing but i expected more soft moments. moments where he battles with himself bc that’s penelope - that’s pen - his childhood friend, the girl who lived across the street, his sister’s once best friend, his good friend. moments where he tries to test out if he actually does like her or if he’s simply afraid to lose her companionship. where he has her examine his healing hand to see if her touch still affects him. where he dances with her and for a moment he holds her a little closer and wonders if he imagines her eyes darting to look at his mouth. where he writes and writes and writes bc he’s good with words but she has made a mess of him. moments where he reads Emma and throws it across the room bc what utter nonsense “if i loved you less i might be able to talk about it more” - if you love someone one must declare it assuredly, reverently, and loudly. moments where he recognizes he’s always looked at her with this gentle fondness, always needed her reassurance and kind words, and the idea she will give them to another hurts. i wanted moments where he finds himself stopping to rationalize his actions until one moment in the middle of an argument it all just spills out of him like a dropped ink well. i wanted her hesitancy and fear and anger and disdain. i wanted her to cut him at his knees as he had done to her knowingly and unknowingly throughout the years. the denial of loving him, the fear that he is brash and impulsive like he was with marina, the self-preservation of running away. i wanted the push and pull of colin not knowing if he should risk losing their friendship if she does not feel the same yet feeling he will lose her either way - either to lord debling or to his own obliviousness. i wanted the moment he realizes he needs her in his life and he does not want to regret letting his final opportunity slip away. the quiet yearning of having no guarantees but so many hopes. the sadness of thinking you realized you found your person just as they rip you out of their heart. the pain of losing someone you didn’t know you had until they left and took your heart with them.

[saturnvs]

i badly want to return to my old riding school … there’s a person there that i really do not want to meet, but i think my love for the horses outweighs the fear of possibly bumping into that girl 🫣

[mitskiluvr]

watched the haikyu movie thinking it was going to be normal but unfortunately i came out battered bruised bleeding and 5 years younger, back in 2019 watching haikyu on my couch and trying to get my sister hooked on it

[nixiecat]

of fucking course my dash starts flooding with HDG stuff right as I'm starting to get into it...

[euesworld]

"I ache for you, for you to speak to me with an untold softness in your voice.. whisper in my ear that you love me, tell me that you want some more. I ache for you, to hear the things that make you tick.. I want to know your mind, your heart, your soul.. I want to know you so deeply that I feel as if I am swimming an ocean of you. I ache for you.."

I yearn and softly burn as I ache for you - eUë

[grub-hut]

Take it slow, you'll know Which way to go Sew up your skull Take your time And we'll be just fine