#i’m ngl i wish something would go normally for me. just ONCE in my life. i want to do something without feeling like i’m doing it all wrong

[heyidkyay]

And I'm petrified of being alone, now |

Part One

Matty Healy x reader

Summary: She’s just trying to get by, really. What with being a single parent to her four year old son whilst simultaneously trying to kick start a successful career as a radio presenter. She’s got everything she’s ever wanted though, friends close by, a mum who’s merely a phone call away, and of course her baby boy. What else is there to wish for? But then, it’s not long before her relatively normal life gets upended and turned on its head, and she’s suddenly forced to deal with situations she’s never even thought to imagine.

What happens when one mention of a certain controversial singer on her show sends a flood of unexpected challenges her way? 

Warnings: This is gonna deal with a lot of controversial shit surrounding Matty and his past I'm ngl, so if you're not into that then I'd suggest not reading this! But if you are, then hi!! I hope you enjoy?

Authors Note: I'm back...:)) Back with a series too, or it will be if this first part goes down well! Lmao so pls don't hate it! Butttt in all honestly, I do have to quickly thank @procrastinatinglikeapro for all the kind words she gave me on the snippets I annoyed her with recently and for forcing me to actually believe in this fic because I very much was on the fence about posting again. So thank youuuu, it means a whole lot<3 Also, the skeleton of this was taken from a very old fic of mine which I started during the height of covid that I've just been thinking about trying to better for a long while now, so... enjoy?

And I guess let me know if this is something anyone would want to read more of? Yeeeeah, I really don't know what else to write here now, it's been a while, so! Hi, help, bye:)

Masterlist

Chapter 1: He's got the whole world falling at his feet

“Yeah, yeah! I’m really into their sound at the minute! Honestly fell in love with their recent performance at the VMA’s– didn’t overdo it and kept it true to themselves. Definitely did a great job there, so well done with that one if you’re listening in, lads!”

I was grinning from ear to ear as I spoke into the microphone before me, which was to be expected whenever I was at work. Strange, yeah I know, but only to any typical person with the usual nine to five, because I truly did love my job. It was tough work, strenuous at times, contrary to what most might believe, but it was pretty much everything I’d ever dreamt of.

See, I’d grown up on the outskirts of this tiny village in the Isles, where everybody knew everything about everybody. Secrets were never well kept– you could just ask our local priest about that one, who often used to regale most of the confessions he’d heard in the only pub around for miles whenever he’d been pissed beyond being able to sit on his barstool. 

It was also incredibly tight-knit, as in, all the kids who went to school together, then grew up and married one another, settling down and taking over the jobs that their parents or grandparents would soon retire from. Hardly anyone moved away, if ever.

In reality though, it was actually just a place I’d always felt like a stranger in. Where I’d struggled to fit in and make friends, to form bonds outside of the one I shared with my mum. 

Which sounds sad speaking about it, but still true, I’d had a real tough go of it back in school. ‘Mouse’ was what they’d seemingly dubbed me back then, a nickname which had travelled throughout the masses all too quickly seeing as there had only been about sixteen kids in both my year and the one above. 

The name had mostly started due to me just having been an extremely timid child, hiding behind my mum’s flowing skirts whenever we went into town and much preferring that of my own company whenever other kids were mulling about. But that fact hadn’t gotten any easier for me once I’d been forced out of school for a few years after an accident that had flipped my entire life on its head. Resulting in me being further isolated from the rest of the world and my fuck-face of a father running for the hills.

Still. Shit happened, I supposed, and I’d been forced to deal with it and grow up.

Too quickly, in truth.

So whilst everyone else had been out living, I’d been holed up in our little dove cottage miles away from them all, with only books and music to keep me company. Music which had been a true constant in my life and just about the only thing that had gotten me by.

As well as my mum, who’d forever be my rock. And back when we’d both been growing up– because that was how it’d always felt with us– she had constantly had the tele on full blast throughout the day, cycling through the freeview channels that played the recent top 50 and old school classics.

It was one of my favourite things to look back on now. Sometimes if she was ever in the mood, or when the power would finally flicker and go out completely when a storm hit, she’d spin this old phonograph her own father had gifted her in the days before she’d left home. The two of us would dance around the living room whilst she would clean on Saturday mornings and then hum to it as we settled in for a long downpour, her working on her trusty crossword whilst I would read or draw. The brass  pavilion would croon out old French records she had bought long before she’d moved to the UK, and before she’d ever even met my father.

And I would just lose myself in it all. 

It wasn’t just the basic premise of music that I had enjoyed though, it was everything else that also came along with it. The opinions, the reviews, the personal stories and thoughts, the way it could make a person think and feel. 

So, for years I would just sit down at the kitchen table and write for hours on end about the sound, the rhythms I’d felt and heard, the lyrics that had had me bellowing out or playing on a never-ending loop in my head. And then, as a teen, Twitter had come along and had been just another way for me to express it all.

It was actually Twitter that had eventually led to all of this. 

The radio.

At first, I’d never paid much mind to all of the people who had started to discover the small page I’d created, the few users that had enjoyed reading my inner thoughts. But then one day I had and it had been an insane concept to comprehend, the very idea that people cared enough to stop and read my thoughts, but it was also what had, ultimately, pushed me into continuing with it.

From there, opinions on genres of music and their style throughout different decades quickly turned into thoughts on up and coming artists, then actors and other A-list celebrities. So I had ended up spending an awful lot of time online, simply just tweeting about it all, on subjects followers had wanted to hear about and answering questions on whether I loved a certain album or this new EP. 

The account had grown rapidly shortly after and by the time I’d had the balls to tell my mum I had wanted to leave home and make a start for myself, in London of all places, the account I used had gained well over fifteen thousand followers.

I went to uni down there and met people. People who didn’t shy away from me or shine a light on my odd quirks. I met my best mate there, too. And Finn was unlike any other. The platonic love of my life, or so I’d since dubbed. He was eccentric, witty, and didn’t care about what anyone else thought of him. Forced me to feel that way too, slowly but surely. And it had only taken a few weeks before he'd grown rather suspicious of my constant need to always have my phone near.

He had, pretty early on, decided that I must’ve had some secret boyfriend back at home that I’d yet to tell him about and had annoyed me about it at every twist and turn, basically backed me into a metaphorical corner. So to say I’d relented fairly quickly wouldn’t be a lie, and I’d told him all about the account soon enough.

Finn had actually been the one to suggest that I take it further, somewhere bigger, make it into something that people could actually tune into and not just read about. I had taken the consideration on board way back then, but had only acted on it when shit had hit the fan a year or so later. But we'll soon get into that.

So with it all, I ended up making an actual radio show out of my thoughtless Twitter account, allowing people to listen in and actually get to know the person behind the name.

That was essentially how ‘Mouse On A Mic' had come to life.

Yup, I’d kept the fucking nickname! I couldn’t not in truth, it was familiar, reminded me of the person I once was, and who I currently am now. But the only difference was, I’d given it a new story. I’d reclaimed it. 

The show's audience grew fairly quickly during that first year, I was new on the scene and seemingly refreshing. I had a no-bullshit kind of attitude that my listeners apparently admired. I called celebs out on their crap and went to new extremes to conjure up inventive ways to get followers involved. 

Ultimately ended up doing things that other radio presenters were too afraid to do at the time. Which was fair enough, in hindsight, they had actual endorsers and brands that were backing them up and funding their streams. Me, on the other hand, I had no-one to answer to for my mistakes or any of the backlash the show received. It was just me, sat alone in my bedroom, speaking into a mic.

Only, a few years had since passed and now it was me sitting in a quaint little studio in East London, not too far from my flat and walking distance from any and every coffee chain that the city had to offer. 

Anyway, I forced myself to adjust my headset over my right ear as I wheeled closer to the table, aware of the one too many monitors and power cables I had to constantly avoid, and glanced upwards, locking eyes with my co-producer, Adi.

The girl shot me a hurried gesture, a circular wave of her hand that had me chuckling to myself even as I silently waved her off, knowing I’d already gotten off track one too many times this recording. 

"Alright! It seems as though we've got to move on with the next segment of the show now! Unfortunately, Ads here has informed me that I can't just sit around all day and talk about Inhaler forever. A right shame that, don’t you think?”

I huffed theatrically whilst Adi merely shook her head in return, dark ringlets brushing the length of her shoulders as she mouthed the word 'prick' through the thick sheet of plexiglass that separated us.

Ignoring that loving endearment in favour of continuing on with the commentary, I hoped I hadn’t steered too far off track seeing as there was still an awful lot scheduled for today's show that I had yet to go over.

“So moving on!” I sighed on into the mic and rubbed my palms together, eyes flitting over the few sheets of paper I had perched before me, “It seems like quite a few of you lot, over on Twitter especially, have made it loudly known that you want to hear my thoughts on Manchester’s very own Matthew Healy. God, is there yet another scandal under his belt I don’t yet know about? Makes me wonder where he’s finding the time.”

I shook my head briefly at the bulleted point I’d been given and rolled forward in my seat. The wheels squeaked beneath my weight and I made a silent prayer that the mics hadn’t picked up the sound. 

What a fucking topic, I thought quietly to myself and sent Adi a semi-amused smile before peering down at the recent headline she had handed over to me earlier that morning.

It was the same old thing. Expected really at this point.

“Healy’s at it again! Whatever will we do?” I gasped, playing up the whole thing as I stared down at a few images of the haughty singer that were plastered across the printout I held in front of me. 

There were four of them, a quick succession of pictures that had all seemingly come from a clip at a recent concert. Bit blurry but the title gave away to what was happening.

A laugh bubbled up out of my throat as soon as I read the headline. “Oh God! It appears Matty Healy is– wait for it!– back at it again, only this time it seems he’s gone and traded off a drumstick for…” I paused to drum quite the anticipating beat against the tabletop of my desk and, as stoic as I possibly could, I then added, “A joint!” 

A smug grin slid its way up onto my lips when I heard Adi’s faint cackle echo from just outside the booth.

“Honestly, I swear that everything this man does makes the rags! Reckon I actually saw an article about how he took his tea this one time. And like, do me a favour, yeah?” I rolled my eyes but relented, “A man of the people though, in’t he? He’s got to be! I mean, just look at this headline. Fucking who the hell writes this shit?”

Tossers, I supposed. But even so.

“It’s madness.” I muttered, gently clucking my tongue as I shook my head at the so-called news that had made the front page. “But anyway, I’m guessing that most people claim him to be the epitome of a real time rockstar, and sure, he might just be. 'Sex, drugs, rock & roll', all that shit. But really, how much longer is it going to last until everything goes tits up, hey?

“I mean, Healy can pretty much do whatever he wants at this point in his career, he’s got half the world either falling at his feet or complaining about him- has done since he was what, a kid? Following his parents amongst the shadows of their fame before he eventually stepped out and made an actual name for himself. Saying that, it still is insane to see how much he’s changed!”

And it was. Healy and his band had risen to fame so evidently, their music everywhere, they sold out shows constantly and had the privilege to fly across the globe doing whatever they pleased. But they’d also practically grown up in the limelight, Matty especially. So it was hard not to notice the resounding changes that shone through in all the news and gossip that ran riot.

“But, if I am being truthful.” I went on to say, thumb toying with the page’s sharp edge, “And when am I not? I thought that most of the shit that went around about him at first was a load of crap– publicity of sorts, if you get where I'm going with that. Or maybe just him being an idiot, a young lad who’s had to grow up with all these cameras consistently on him and had to basically learn what he can and can’t say in front of them. Slipping up from time to time, like most do. But, now? I’m honestly not too sure… It’s just a bit sad. Isn't it? There was so much potential there.”

I shrugged, a hearty sigh falling with my shoulders.

“I actually used to quite like his stuff a couple years ago, he’s got a way with words, with music overall really. Reckon if he’d gotten his shit together that he probably could’ve been ranked higher up on the list of rockstars. Could’ve changed or paved a way for newer musicians entering the scene. But not so much anymore. His songs lack the passion they once had, they’re not what they used to be. He works hard, I’ll give him that. Still, I can’t help but wonder if it’s just his band pulling his dead weight along with them now.”

I took a slow breath, then gazed down at the small amount of sticky notes I had pinned to the monitor beside me: the next segment. I’d have to wrap this one up quickly.

“Maybe that’s a bit harsh.” I said, chewing on my lower lip, “But honestly, I just hope that he takes an actual break sooner rather than later. The band looks spent and he just seems like he could do with some shut eye, some time away from all the cameras and prying eyes. Just so he can sort himself out good and proper, you know? Then again, that’s just my opinion among a sea of many.”

In truth, I really did think that Matty had real talent, that raw kind, and he seemed like a nice enough guy– or at least he had done, a couple of years back, before all the controversy and whatever else. 

Now though, the man just seemed so caught up in it all, in the fame, the tabloids, the drama. Unaware of just how far he’d fallen.

Me, I’d seen it one too many times before, with many of the greats even, and as painful as it was to watch, what more could I say or do? I'm nobody in comparison.

I blew out a short breath.

“Fuck, that got all serious didn’t it?” I tried to laugh it all off and only felt a little more at ease when I finally glanced up and caught Adi’s sincere smile, “Anyway, onto our next segment, reading a couple of your lots tweets! Let's see what everyone's saying about our amazing Adi today, shall we? What was it last week, Ads, those yellow trousers you were wearing?”

--

“Oi, will you two please stop mucking about? We’ve got to get going!” I scolded without any actual heat, shaking my head as I held back a chuckle, forever amused by the infamous pair stood a way away from me. 

I’d not long since left the studio, having walked with Adi to the nearby tube station so that she could hop a train home before I had headed on over to Finn’s. It was a typical route for me and not too long of a walk, but since arriving I’d been roped into packing up the many belongings that had been messily upended from the Spiderman backpack I was so often seen carrying about.

My gaze skittered over to the other side of the room once I’d teethed together the bag’s plastic zipper, over to where my son, Teddy, was currently in the midst of being whirled around by his godfather, tawny coloured curls flying in every-which direction whilst his cheeky grin grew even more prominent.

I felt the corners of my mouth lift upwards as I watched my best mate laugh at whatever it was the toddler had just said to him, tickling the boy’s sides as he did. If I was feeling incredibly sappy, I’d tell Finn then just how thankful I was to have him around, because he truly was incredible. 

From the moment I’d found out that I was pregnant, Finn had been there for me. He loved my son almost as though Teddy was his own, he adored the kid like no other and had placed him on a pedestal high above everyone else since the day he was born. 

Finn was always free to take Teddy whenever I had the show to fret about too, or if I was ever in dire need of another helping hand. He was fiercely protective of the two of us and I knew in the very depths of my heart that there would never be a hair harmed on my son’s head so long as he was around. 

I was pulled from my thoughts just as the toddler in question came bounding over, giggling uncontrollably as Finn chased after him, his arms stretched out wide and crouched down low to mimic the small boy's height. I couldn't help but notice the matching grins they both wore.

“Help!” Teddy squealed as he flung himself into my awaiting arms, allowing me to wrap him up and settle him safely on my hip, using my frame as a shield to block him from Finn’s view.

"You can't hide from me Teds, I’ll always find you!" Finn taunted playfully, laughing merrily whilst he wiggled his fingers at Teddy, who was only just peeking out at him from over my shoulder.

Teddy squirmed in my grasp, giggling and screaming senselessly as he tried to dodge Finn’s oncoming hands that had since managed to softly graze his sides. I could only roll his eyes in fond exasperation, the pair never failing to brighten my day, and couldn't help but feel ever so grateful for whatever being had brought Finn into both mine and Teddy’s lives.

You see, Finn was the closest thing I’d ever had to a brother, let alone a best friend. He’d been the family I’d never known I’d needed, a home away from home. And I knew that I could always count on him for just about anything and he had proved that the day I’d turned up on his doorstep in the pissing rain one Tuesday night, utterly terrified after having just found out that I was expecting. 

“Alright, you lot!” I began, batting away one of Finn’s advancing hands as he made to grab at Teddy's tiny ankle. “We've got to get home in time for your bath and tea, and I think Finn here has to pick up Liv from work.”

I was directing my voice towards the toddler in my arms but also sent a knowing look Finn’s way, one which caused the man’s eyes to widen in immediate realisation. ‘Liv’ was actually the lovely Olivia, Finn’s newest fling– only she had managed to last quite a while longer than the rest, a new record for him really. 

“Shit, yeah.” Finn muttered mostly to himself before he hurried on over to his desk in the far corner. I could only laugh quietly, Teddy joining in too when he noticed, and watched on as Finn hastily started to grab at an array of items, shoving them into his jean pockets. Phone. Wallet. Keys.

When he was finished, and somewhat out of breath, Finn spun back around towards us and shot an accusing brow our way, not too pleased about having been the source of our mirth. Teddy and I couldn't help ourselves then and laughed a little harder at his impervious expression. 

But with that all done and over with, I simply pressed my nose against the side of Teddy's head and smiled contently into his curls whilst Finn merely rolled his eyes at the two of us, chuckling before he made a start for the door. I followed just behind him, Teddy's backpack slung low over my shoulder and a happy little boy nestled in my arms.

***

People lover @/user1 Imagine being a mediocre radio host and thinking you know the ins and outs of the music industry.. #CancelMouse

102 @/user2  Don't mind me, reckon I just found my new favourite radio show:)

Ugh! @/user3 Mouse sounded proper excited today but switched up so quick when that 75 bloke came up://

Soloveme @/user4 Hate to see people supporting toxic behaviour, sit down. 

Milk @/user5 Don’t hate me, I'll forever be a matty girlie!! But @Mouseonamic I kinda agree??

Paris @/user6 Do you think he’s seen it yet? > Too_shy @/user7 Probably, it’s trending rn >> Drummepls @/user8 Hope he’s okay and doesn’t take it as a personal attack.. 

He should’ve known really.

He should’ve fucking known.

Even in his drunken state he should have known not to look at what they were all fucking saying about him. Slumped on the floor of his hotel room, propped up against the bathroom door, too exhausted to think about moving, let alone try.

He’d only heard a small snippet, caught the last of a conversation on it in a cab ride back from the club the band had found themselves in. But he had heard it, and he had listened. 

"He's got the whole world falling at his feet." He fucking wished. "Changed." Too right. "A load of crap- publicity of sorts, if you get where I'm going with that- but now I'm not too sure." Laughable, man. "It's just a bit sad." The story of his fucking life. "Potential." When’s he never not disappointing someone? "Lacks passion." Passion lies in living, mate, and he hasn't felt alive in a very long time. 

"Not what it used to be." Who he used to be.

He lit another cigarette from a crumpled pack he’d pulled from his back pocket and watched on as a curl of smoke unfurled in the air. He only wished he’d gone and brought something upstairs with him, or grabbed one of them little bottles from the minibar before he had decided he’d needed a piss. But if he closed his eyes hard enough he could imagine it all going dark, the world just fading around him, and the cigarette was suddenly enough.

Though, even then he still couldn’t quite muffle the loud, pitying laugh that escaped him as he continued to scroll through the mass of tweets that never faltered on his phone. They were like a freight train, unable to stop.

Matty wiped his nose on his sleeve.

Never had he ever felt so fucking lost. Desperate for everything to just pause for a simple second. To stop and just leave him alone for a bit. To have the world let him wallow in the dark dank pit he's hollowed out for himself.

But what a fucking life, hey?

Carelessly, Matty thumbed across the dimming screen, his intoxicated mind too focused on the task at hand to remember why exactly it was he was even sitting there on the cold bathroom floor. Something to do with Hann, he supposed, or George. Perhaps another heated encounter? Probably.

The sound of his phone's keyboard echoed off the surrounding walls and he breathed out a self-depreciating chuckle when he clicked send on the tweet he’d been attempting to curate, not caring enough for the consequences. Hardly even thinking, in truth. 

He was far too gone to care anymore, already knew firsthand what the repercussions would be tomorrow. But at that moment, he just wanted honesty. To tell the truth, for once. To let them all know that he knew he was a shit excuse for a person.

What more could the world possibly say anyway? 

Everyone around him was the same. He was simply just a puppet on a string. They’d make him sing and dance until the day he finally wrapped those wired strings tightly around his neck, and then all they'd be able to do is sit back and watch the show. And he'd enjoy every unabating second of it.

Matty @/trumanblack 10s ago Radio shows are sick man, gotta love them! And I sort of am sad haha. And I do lie? We all lie, I spose. But just listen to the radio, kids! Open your ears!

He laughed silently after, thoroughly amused with himself, and tossed the phone off somewhere off to the side so that he wouldn’t have to look at it again. 

Bullshit. It was all just fucking bullshit.

[yae-energy]

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ╰┈─✩ ˚ ‧ closet tour ! ‧ ˚

✧˖° synopsis : commonly worn items (or accessories) these characters may have .

✧˖° cast & crew : megumi fushiguro , maki zenin , yuji itadori , and yuta okkotsu .

.ᐟ content warnings : cursing , yuta lwk fighting for his life

⤑ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ authors note : new layout !!!! we finally ditched the old one cause it was def time for her to GO 😭. all pictures down below are just for visual aid :)

~

megumi <3 : friendship bracelets

he’s got so many of them, mf got one in every damn pattern and color you can think of. and he only has this many because one summer nobara got into bracelet making.

she convinced gojo to buy her a bunch of kits and she’s been a little busy bee since ! so now every time she shows up with a new bracelet megumi feels like he has to wear it— or at least this is what he claims whenever he gets asked about it.

he actually thinks it’s sweet she’s always giving him bracelets, he’s got one for almost every outfit so it’s always coordinating !

he even wears the matching one she made for him and yuji so the three of them are always matching.

~

maki <3 : hair clips / claw clips

she absolutely hated them at first ngl

the only reason she started wearing them was because gojo would alwayssssssssssss buy them for her ,,

like for no good reason either, literally just cause she’s a teenage girl and sometimes girls wear hair clips. he also said she could spruce up her style a little bit because she’s “bland” and maki didn’t take that well 😭

one day though, she actually wore one of the claw clips he got her because she had no more hair ties and everybody thought she looked so cute and it made her feel nice, so she kept wearing them. over time they grew on her more and more, so she’s always got in a cute lil hair clip now.

but if she sees gojo she will immediately rip that shit out.

she wouldn’t be caught dead in something gojo gave her LMAO,, he’ll get a big head about it and don’t nobody wanna hear that.

she loves her little accessories though <3

~

yuji <3 : the weirdest shirts imaginable

i don’t even know where to start tbh

like i can’t even tell you where he keeps find them become i literally don’t have a single clue,, but he’s always got one on.

it started as just a fun little thing where he’d where a silly shirt once and a while. but because he keeps find them he’s ALWAYS wearing one and they’re the most hilarious things ever, cause how are you finding these???

like bro will have on the most normal fit ever, but if he unzips his jacket or takes off his hoodie you get hit with them most random t-shirt ever 😭 and every time him, nobara, and megumi go anywhere they take a picture of him in his weird ass shirts.

they even made a little photo album of it for novelty purposes.

~

yuta <3 : a plain white t-shirt

i’m sorry yall… but yuta is a victim of the plain white tee epidemic 😕 i hate to say it.

and he absolutely refuses to let it go too. like bro is the number one consumer of the plain white t-shirt,, LIKE LET IT GO PLEASEEEEE IM BEGGING.

panda and inumaki are SICK and TIRED, like he gets clowned for it on the daily but he literally does not give a single fuck. he’s gonna wear the white t-shirt and you cannot stop him. but because of this lifestyle choice, everyone has banned from making comments about anyone else’s style.

like if inumaki puts on some bullshit he can’t say anything 😭 and it eats him up inside cause he knows if they hear one PEEP from him, he’s getting cooked BADDDD.

and every single time he catches yuji in those weird ass shirts he gets heated 😭😭 cause how they let him get away with it but he cant wear his shirts???

all in all, he’s forever a white tee lover 😕 can’t shit be done about it.

⤑ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ ysl production credits : thank you to @ivanari for helping me with my layout !! live laugh irene

⤑ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ tags : @morosis-haze @jogeto @mypimpademia @ivanari @planetlunaa @cosmiles @milesmolasses @chinieh @romiantic @stqrriichiigo

if you wish to be tagged in any future works, here’s my tag form to fill out <33

if you wish to submit a request, here’s my ask box :)

⤑ .𖥔 ݁ ˖ closing notes : take care of yourselves please ! or i WILL hunt you down. also, for those who filled out my tag list and i wasn’t tagging you in any work, it’s just cause i forgot to check it lmao 😭. mb ! imma do better. i love yall bunches, mwah x2 .

- xoxo , yves <33

[vampsquerade]

Can I get a Rook x reader where the reader has asthma but insists on going for a run/biking with him?

hi anon! of course you can, thank you so much for your request! ngl, seeing a request as specific as this makes me happy bc i have experience with this and can use it to my advantage! shoutout to all my homies w asthma, we struggling out here.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Rook x Reader: Breathakingly Breathless

Trigger Warnings: fluff, asthma, asthma attacks, use of an inhaler, vertigo spells, piggyback rides,

Your wonderful boyfriend was finally back home with you after a rather stressful mission. You were patiently waiting for him to come downstairs to your living room, as the two of you planned a day where you would run together. Julien was worried, however, as you had suffered from fairly terrible asthma. It wasn’t bad, as you were able to live a mostly normal life. But when it comes to things like basic exercises such as running or biking, you would find yourself nearly collapsing from an asthma attack if you didn’t get your inhaler ready in time. You would normally keep it in a small bag on your person, but you figured it would be best to put it into the pocket of your shorts.

“Y/N, are you absolutely sure you’re gonna want to go on a run with me?” Julien asked once more, handing you a water bottle. You happily stood up and took the bottle from him, patting his back, “Yeah! I want to be able to do things with you, even if it’s something like this!” you exclaim excitedly. Julien gives you a worried smile, gently patting the top of your head, “Well, if you feel you’re gonna have an attack, please don’t push yourself further. And don’t feel pressured to keep up with my pace either, I don’t want you to hurt yourself.” he said. “I won’t, I promise.” you say, giving him a wink before you both step out of the house to make your way to the park.

As you walked, Julien explained to you what he was allowed to do about his mission. He was ecstatic, as he usually was when it came to debriefing you on them once he came home. And you were more than happy to listen, as you loved watching the way his eyes lit up when he talked about all the “cool” things he did. You found it endearing and it made Julien so much more lovable in your eyes. “I honestly wish you could just…see me in action one day. I’d love to actually be able to show off how I do everything to you. You’d probably think it’s hot, too.” Julien jokes, which caused you to let out a sharp laugh. “I’ve never seen you in your body armor, so maybe I will think it’s hot.” you tease. Julien simply looked down at you, giving you a wink, before grabbing your hand and holding it.

Eventually, the two of you reached the park, and asked an elderly woman if she could keep an eye on your bottles of water. She was happy to agree, allowing you to place them next to her. You thank her before walking off to a position where the two of you would start, “We’ll just do one lap around the park because of how big it is, alright? If you can’t finish, just go ahead and rest to recuperate and I’ll come for you.” Julien said as he stretched his legs. “Alright! Thanks for not rejecting the idea of me coming, by the way. It’s honestly really sweet of you to let me come along and remind me it’s okay if I can’t keep up.” you say as you stretch your legs yourself. “Of course! I’m not gonna be some asshole who tells his partner that they can’t come along because they’ll hold him back or something. You genuinely just want to spend time with me like this, and I really appreciate that.” Julien said.

You give him a sweet smile, standing up straight at the same time Julien did. The two of you then wished each other luck, before you both started running. At first, you and Julien were running at the same pace, until you began to wane a bit as Julien passed you. “Don’t push yourself, remember that!” he yelled back to you. “O-Okay!” you yell back, continuing to run. Surprisingly enough, you were going pretty far without needing your inhaler, so you were happy about that. It was until you two were getting to the halfway point where you started to falter a bit. That tightening in your chest was making it harder and harder to breathe, so you slowed yourself down enough to where you were just standing still. You took your inhaler out of your pocket, as you had begun wheezing pretty hard now, and inhaled your medicine to soothe the inflammation of your lungs.

You sat down on a nearby flower bed, as you had also begun to feel extremely dizzy. You contemplated getting up and walking back so you could get your bottle of water, but you were already so far out you weren’t gonna make your way back. All you could do now is look at your surroundings and appreciate them a little more. The sun was setting, the birds were getting their final chirps out before they nestled for the night that was quickly casting its veil over you, and you were watching as people were beginning to head home. Others were coming out for a night on the town, and it just made everything peaceful. Being broken out of your thoughts by a small noise, you look down and see it came from your phone. There was a text from Julien, and you smiled as you unlocked your phone to read the message.

“Hey, are you still at the halfway point? If you are, I’ll be there soon! I’m getting our bottles from that elderly lady. I’m surprised she’s still here honestly.” read the message. “I’m still at the halfway point! I was considering going back, but I feel really off balance right now. I think my asthma attack triggered a vertigo spell on me.” you reply, keeping your eyes on your surroundings again considering you were all alone. “Sounds good! I’ll be there in like, 5 minutes or so.” Julien’s reply read. You couldn’t help but smile, turning your phone off as you waited for him to arrive. And arrived he would, as you could see he was running up to you exactly 5 minutes after he sent that text.

You try to stand, but immediately your head whirls and you nearly fall to your side. “Y/N! Why’d you stand up?!” Julien asked out of sheer concern, dropping your bottles so he could catch you. “Ack- I’m sorry, I thought I’d be okay enough to stand. Guess I’m not…” you apologize sheepishly. “Well, it’s alright. Sit back down, I’ll carry you back home.” Julien said. “O-Okay…” you say, flustering. He helped gently set you back down so he could pick up your water bottles, putting them right next to you. He then positioned himself in front of you, allowing for you to wrap your arms and legs around him. Julien hooked his arms under your knees before grabbing your bottles again, “Holding on tight?” he asked. You give him a hum of affirmation, and Julien began to walk towards your home with you in his back.

“Hey, you did really well earlier. You were able to keep up for longer than you usually did.” Julien praised. “I did, didn’t I?” you say, giggling softly. “And I’m glad you took my advice and stayed back when you knew if you didn’t, it would have harmed you more. Next time, I’ll stay with you and keep up with your pace.” He suggested. “That sounds good to me, I won’t be lonely having to wait around for my cute boyfriend to come and get me.” you say, lightly squeezing his shoulder. Julien laughed, shaking his head, “And I’ll get to keep my cute partner right next to me, and nothing will make me happier than that.” he said softly. You smile and kiss the nape of his neck, causing him to tense up a bit. “You’re way too cute, Julien. I love you so much.” you praise. “I love you more, Y/N.” he said to you.

Completely covered in a veil of darkness, with only the moon and streetlights to bless you on the path back home, you feel at peace knowing you have such a caring and lovely boyfriend.

[idiotwhotalkstoomuch]

I have another question: Have you read the demon slayer manga by any chance? If so, how far into it are you? like have you eat all of the chapters already? Cause I got the idea where even after MC is sent back to their original world, the boys are still able to check up on how MC is doing through the mirror from the opening ceremony. That way when MC eventually participates in the final fight against Muzan they get the chance to truly see MC in action which brings me to my actual question (Assuming you've read everything to avoid spoilers) how would they react to the severity of MCs injuries against Muzan or even some of the upper moons? Based on their personalities who do you think would be cheering for MC, begging them to live another day so they can have a chance to meet again since they're absolutely working on a way with Crowley to bring them back. Since this is the battle against the big boss,it means demon slayers won't be necessary and it'll be fine for MC to live the rest of their days in peace at NRC or in the world of NRC right? on the other hand, who do you think would instead be hoping that MC will stay down and receive medical treatment, let the other slayers handle the rest of the battle because they're already so badly injured they really shouldn't push themselves any further and they can't bear to see their friend hurt so badly (Considering what happens to a majority of the cast, if MC is a pillar, Ooooooh boy.)

I also found an absolutely amazing demon slayer video that's fan made but I don't want to risk spoiling anything cause it's way later on in the series, hence why I asked earlier.

So I just read some of the manga (not in order cause being orderly and me do not mix)

Decided to detail the fights more cause they can all be summed up to “worried as heck” with varying degrees

WARNING SPOILERS FOR THE MANGA OF DEMON SLAYER (I TALK ABOUT SOME OF THE UPPER MOON FIGHTS, WHO BEATS THEM AND SOME IMPORTANT STUFF ON THE TANJIRO FIGHT. ALSO A SPOILER FOR THE DEMON SLAYER MOVIE Y’ALL KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT)

The upper moon fights that MC likely participate in are the Hantengu fight and Douma or Kokushibo (I will cover both) before Muzan

Being a successor of a Hashira, if they were the flame pillar or the sound pillar’s tsugoku it’s likely they might even join the hashira if deemed skilled enough and since they joined in overblot fights, their skills definitely weren’t slacking so it’s likely they have

During the Hantengu fight they join Mitsuri in fighting Hantengu’s strongest clone so the others can go for the main body but since Mitsuri was the one to jump in and get the attack to the face and recalls her past, only she awakens the demon slayer mark

Douma has a past of pissing people off and ruining families and if they were Shinobu’s tsugoku alongside Kanao then they know full well what she plans to do and Adeuce and the others really wish they could go and comfort MC as the grief on their face at the idea of their master dying is clear

If MC is a girl and joins Shinobu in the fight, they might wind up getting eaten by Douma alongside Shinobu if they fight well enough and Kanao doesn’t make it in time, in this scenario Lilia and several other Diasomnia members have to calm Malleus down as his anger at watching his friend die while being helpless is clear as the others grieve

Luckily in this scenario, if the mirror keeps on to at least see Shinobu’s plan through then they get to see Douma’s defeat by his own gluttony with Kanao and Inosuke dealing the finishing blow

If they end up not being eaten or just don’t catch Douma’s interest (either by not being a female, them being saved by Kanao in the fight or other possible reasons), Grim really wishes he could join and melt all the ice created by Douma as his blood demon art starts to freeze them as they throw their own swords alongside Inosuke (or help in some other way) to assist Kanao in finishing the blow against Douma and ending him once and for all

Azul, Jade, Jamil, Leona, Lilia, Malleus, Riddle, Rook, Vil and the teachers have to applaud Shinobu for her suicidal yet extremely effective plan, they likely would not defeated Douma without her and hope she rests in peace (ngl her death broke my heart lol)

If they ended up fighting Kokushibo, they’re all pretty shocked to see the regenerative abilities of a demon both from Kokushibo and Genya, they had heard about it from MC but seeing the extent of how far it can go in this fight amazes them

The Kokushibo fight seems allergic to letting people under the age of 18 survive (Muichiro death was sad but Genya death animated may actually emotionally break me) so it’s very possible that they die in the fight as after all Kokushibo is the strongest demon moon that probably spits on Upper moon 6’s 22 pillars killed so it’s very unlikely that they could ever leave this fight unscathed or with their life

Jack has to help Adeuce and Grim who are breaking down as they watch their friend who they were hanging out with the other day like normal teenagers would, give their life to defeat the demon who has killed hundreds of people

The older members of the cast like the teachers, Malleus and Lilia all have moments of silence for the young lives slain by the man who was obsessed with being the strongest samurai

In the Muzan fight (if they make it there alive), since they’re stronger than many other members, the lower ranked demon slayers give their lives to protect them a gruesome sight that characters like Kalim have to cover their eyes to all the death and gore in the mirror

MC like Tanjiro and the hashira get poisoned by Muzan’s blood and all of them think it’s the end until Tamayo’s cat comes in and saves them, avid dog lovers like Crewel have to give props to the cat for saving their lives

It’s possible that at the memory of the twst cast waiting for them to win and the family they’ve lost yo Muzan, MC gets their demon slayer mark to help them in the fight against Muzan, luckily if they are aware of the demon slayer mark’s deadly condition from Kokushibo, the more experienced magicians and potions experts like Crewel, Vil, etc. believe that if MC gets through the fight they could create a way to prevent the demon slayer mark from ending their life at the young age of 25 something that brings hope to all of them

Of course optimistic thoughts like that can also be crushed at the end of the fight after Muzan disintegrates under the sun once and for all since they could’ve received fatal injuries in the fight until dawn and die with the kakushi trying to save them, while the others plead for them to be sent back to their world so they can receive immediate treatment and are reminded of the fact that they likely won’t make it and are forced to just let them die surrounded by their comrades

If they manage to survive the fight against Muzan (likely having one of their senses permanently ruined, having a lot of permanent scars on their body or even missing a limb or two) and are ready to just retire for the rest of their life and they receive a message from the twst cast are always welcome to have them back if they want to retire in their world

[fatui-gf]

Yessss another sub Genshin impact blog🤩 , oof I just found your blog , and I just wanna say it’s AMAZING , could you do a cat boy xiao one , that would be adorable 🥰.

First of all, thank you so much for the request!! I love this prompt so much, we have to spread more catboy xiao propaganda ngl 😳 I didn’t know whether you wanted this one to be fluff or nsfw, so please specify next time. ❤️ I added the short nsfw under the cut, it’s nothing risque, very soft because I wasn’t sure what you wanted and didn’t want to go overboard 😳

Sub!Catboy!Xiao x Softdom!gn!reader

Word count: 1115 words

Nsfw includes: begging, oral (m receiving), fingering (m receiving)

The sound of the rain hitting the windows filled the room. It was quite late already, Xiao was watching the water droplets race on the window’s surface, quietly cheering for one of them until the sound of knocking snapped him from said trance.

It surprised him, to say that he didn’t feel lonely would be a lie.

He slowly opened the door only to see you standing there, water dripping from your clothes, a small shy smile on your face. He was stunned. You looked great even after escaping from the pouring rain.

You greeted him with a simple “Hi”, his ears twitched as he heard your voice. He loved it so much and oh, how much did he wish for it to greet him and put him to sleep everyday. He let you into his house and showed you where the bathroom was so you could clean yourself up.

“I don’t really have any other clothes…” he said sheepishly as he handed you some of his own clothes. The thought of you wearing them was pretty exciting for him, though he wouldn’t say it.

You thanked him and went to change. He loved you. So much. The adepti could feel his cheeks gleaming with red, he clearly wasn’t ready to also see you wearing his things. Xiao kept playing with his fingers in anticipation. Fuck, he was nervous.

You could see him jump a little as soon as you entered the room he was in. You sat comfortably next to him, closer than you normally would, trying to pretend that you can’t tell how flustered this boy really is. Xiao tried to hide his expression to no avail.

His eyes shot open wide as you placed a hand on his head, gently scratching his ears. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t help but purr, moving his head closer to you.

“D-don’t think anything of it..,” he stuttered with embarrassment. His ears were! So! Sensitive! He knew he couldn’t let you notice that because then the teasing would never stop but he just couldn’t stop himself from leaning even closer to you, his eyes half open, cheeks practically on fire. This view was so endearing, the grumpy adepti was melting at your touch. It was amazing what you could do to him.

Not to mention the sudden pleasure he felt as you grabbed his tail. The purring got louder, you could say that you’ve tamed the beast. He grabbed your wrist and moved your hand, adding even more friction. He was so needy and failed at every attempt of trying to hide it. His pride was out of the window.

You grabbed his chin while stroking his ear, tears collecting in the corners of his eyes from the stimulation. He was so adorable and so squishy.

“Play with me… some more” a shameful request has left his mouth. He tried to be subtle, saying such explicit things weren’t something he’d think he’d do. He hoped to gods you’d understand.

At this moment, you pulled him even closer to your face, staring into his yellow hues. They were glistening, so beautiful, yet so filled with lust and need. You placed a peck on his lips just to then deepen the kiss. Xiao felt so many things at once, it was hard to collect his thoughts, he just laid underneath you on the bed, his body hitting the softness of the sheets. He placed his arms on your back, tracing your spine with his delicate fingers.

When you pulled away, he was just there, overcome by the nauthy temptations, breathing heavily with his tongue peeking from his open mouth. The texture of his tongue was not what you'd initially expected but it made sense for a catboy to have a slightly scratchy tongue. Honestly, it made everything this much more interesting.

Your eyes gleamed as you placed them on the visible bulge in his pants and you placed your hand right on top of it, tracing its form with your finger. His ears twitched again as he let out a meowy moan. Truth be told, that was one of the cutest things you’ve heard in your whole life.

“Damn…” he swore under his breath “P-please touch me already… I can’t wait any longer” Xiao breathed heavily, reaching for your hand and politely placing it at the top of his pants, trying to get you to undress him.

“I want you to beg” you demanded with a soft but stern tone.

“P-please, I’m begging you, I could get on my knees right now… I-I’ll do everything you want me to but please… just touch me, I can be your slut, whatever you desire, just please touch me, I can’t wait any longer”

“Good boy” you said and placed a peck on his forehead and then went to getting rid of the clothes he didn’t need anymore. This boy really had no shame now. He kept looking at you with his eyes glowing with need, precum already dripping from his cute dick. When you grabbed it, he let out another moan combined with meows. You put it in your mouth, your hands covering the part of his shaft that your lips didn’t, stimulating him with both. His moans and meows got even louder, echoing in the room.

“Pull your legs up, kitten” you said, pulling away from what you were previously doing. He obeyed and placed both of his legs in the air, spreading them, his tail wagging around. You put your fingers in his wet hole, fingering him with the tips of your fingers hitting his prostate. He let out loud moans with each thrust, desperately putting his own thumb in his mouth and biting on it, trying to muffle the sounds.

At this point he couldn’t even see straight anymore, his vision got blurry with the tears of pleasure collected in his eyes. He was a mess, all thanks to you.

With a few final thrusts, he came all over his stomach, wrapping his tail around you, trying to pull you closer. He adored your presence, your closeness, he wanted to have you with him forever.

Xiao couldn’t catch his breath, he was panting and looking over to your side with such longing in his eyes. After that, you helped him clean up and tucked him to bed.

“Can you stay the night with me?” the adepti asked, hoping you’d say yes.

“Sure, if you let me in for a second round” you said with a wink, making the poor boy blush again. Please, spare him for this night. He just nodded and patted the space next to him on the bed as an invitation.

[starksdaughter-3000]

Dark!Mob!Thor x Pregnant!Reader Future and Slight Loki x Pregnant!Reader

Warnings~ 18+, Dark, Angst, Language, Attempt of Seducing(?), Choking (Non-sexual), Abuse, Violence, This shit is deep y'all

A/N: Hiiiiii I'm backkk! Thanks for all the love on the last one so here's one I just came up with. I was just brainstorming ideas ngl. Another thing I am new to Tumblr, I found it in the middle of March and I don't know how to like link a part 2 ya know. Cuz I want this story to have a part 2 so I will figure it out lol. Enjoy!

*Not my GIF*

Ever since you met the mobster he was sweet and gentle with you. So caring, nothing lime how he is to his enemies. For a year Thor has been the same person you met and more but now it felt like him and his feelings are drifting away.

You found out you were pregnant two weeks ago but Thor hasn’t given you the time of day so you could sit him down and tell him. Claiming he was busy with work. It has also been awhile since the two of you had sex. You thought to yourself that maybe he was stressed, drowning in work and all. So you decided to try and help him out.

Knocking on the door twice you immediately here a ‘Come in.’ from and deep grumpy voice that was obviously Thor’s. You turned the door knob and stepped inside seeing Thor’s head buried in papers stacked up on top of his desk. You sigh quietly shutting the door and gliding closer to his desk.

“Speak, don’t waste my time.” You gulped. “Hi baby.”

“What Y/n, can’t you see I’m busy now.”

“Thor you seem to be under a lot of stress now baby I would just like to help you out.” You purr.

“Y/n how would you help me? You don’t know anything about the Mob.” He raises his voice.

“Look if you have no real reason to be in here then leave.” By now you notice he is running quickly out of patients. You are almost in his eye sight on the side of his desk now. Grazing your finger tips along important stacks of papers.

You chuckle lightly. “No Thor not like that. Just let me finish telling you bub. Can you look at me, please?”

He sighs and turns his chair towards you. He frowns even more. Your body covered in lacey red lingerie, leaving little to the imagination. Showing off all your curves and imperfections. You can still fit your clothes due to you baby bump not showing because it is still early in the pregnancy.

“Come on honey, taking a break let me help you relax.” You move forward straddling his lap. Fingers running through his long locks of beautiful blonde hair.

He rolls his eyes, which is a surprise to you and makes you frown.

“Y/n I don’t have the time for this!” This time he yells and this action makes you flinch so you immediately stand up with your head down staring at your bare feet.

“I’m sor-” He cuts you off. “No don’t you fucking get it woman! I don’t want your company. Leave me to do my work so I can give you a better life. I pay for all the shit you have and you can’t even let me do my job! Get the hell out now!”

You’re shocked, he has never used that tone with you or those choice of words. It felt like he was treating you as if you worked for him. You’re his girlfriend not just some anybody that he could raise his voice to.

You knew what you were about to say would possibly hurt his ego or yourself, but he needed to be brought down a peg or two.

“Why are you yelling at me like I did something wrong! What crawled up your ass and died? You selfish prick! I was trying to do something nice for you to get you out of this hell-hole you put yourself in! ASSHOLE!”

As soon as you were finished he bolted out of his chair and wrapped his hand around your neck slamming your back against the wall behind you. You couldn’t believe what was happening and your body went into panic as his grip hot tighter the more you struggled. All you could think about was if he was going to kill you or not, if you were going to get out of here alive and about your unborn baby.

“P-please no.”

“How dare you speak those words to me. DO YOU KNOW WHO THE FUCK I AM BITCH!? I AM THE KING OF THE MOB, I COULD HAVE YOU DEAD AT THE SNAP OF MY FINGER!”

He let you drop to the ground, coughing and gasping for air. Tears rolling down your eyes, devastated and defeated you tried to stand up but was kicked down in the back by a furiated Thor.

“By midnight I want you and all your shit put out my house. You’re lucky I’m letting you keep it. Now scram.”

Your heart broke in millions of pieces on the spot from when he first raised his voice at you. It was hard getting off the floor but even harder to accept that the father of your unborn child has kicked you out of the house and even had the audacity to put his hands on you like he said he never would. That empty promise you should've known it was all a lie. You should have never given him a chance. All of those talks about your future together was bullshit. All of the talks about you being his wife one day bullshit. And to tie it all together the talks about starting a family together was absolute bull-fucking-shit.

Bursting through the room you shared with him bought back all of the sweet memories of the love making, when one of you were sick in bed and the other took care of them, the cuddles, the arguments, the playful fighting, the empty promises, the crying, the laughter. It all hit you at once it made you drop to your knees sobbing into your palms confused.

What made him not love you anymore? What made him put his hands on you? What made him tip over the edge to lash out on you like that? Where would you go? Who would you call?

You were so stressed out with questions and overwhelming feelings you had to remember that you were pregnant and had to convince yourself to calm down. Fifteen minutes of deep breaths you gathered yourself and got your composure back to normal.

Jeans and a sweatshirt was what you slipped on. Pulling out two suitcases from under the bed you started packing. Looking at the time it was 11:39pm so you closed the suitcases and zipped up duffle bags. Heading downstairs you saw your good friend Heimdall reaching for your hand to help you down the last step.

“May I take that from you Ms.Y/l/n?” You sighed handing them to him knowing that he would have gotten it anyway.

He frowned noticing your pained expression. Your back starting to hurt now.

“Y/n are you alright? You seem to be in pain.”

“N-no I’m fine I just need to go.”

“Are you going on a trip? Why so many bags?”

You sighed at the reminder.

“No Heimdall I won’t be back, thank you for doing for me and being a wonderful friend but I’m afraid that it is my time for a new chapter in my life. Please do not ask any questions I do not feel like speaking on it at the moment.” Heimdall nodded respecting your wishes as he escorted you to your car.

“Thank you Heimdall.” You whisper quietly. “Farwell and no, thank you.” You had no idea how much he appreciated you for coming into Thor’s life and opening your heart to him to show and teach Thor how to love and care. You truly did turn Thor’s life around and it showed.

You pulled him in for a hug as you climbed into the drivers seat. Unsure of where to go. You pulled out of the driveway of the mansion. Once you were on the road you had no idea who to call, you gave up your family and friends for Thor. So you called the only person you knew would take you in.

Loki.

[spinster-sisters]

Crush. PSH, JYN

TW: dom! Seonghwa, sub! Yunho, sub! Reader,threesome, exhibitionism, degradation (use of the words slut and whore), bondage (male receiving), Sir kink, overstim (kinda, idk how much counts as overstim but im putting it here anyway), excessive use of the word wet, panty kink, buldging, k so heres the deal, in this thing yunho has a crush on both the reader and seonghwa and seongwha is probably also attracted to men based on the way i wrote this but there is no actually mxm interaction PHYSICALLY, also fun fact at no point anywhere in this is there the letters Y/N cuz i have decided i hate that shit and istead u get excessive pet names.

WC: 4k

AN: this is 4k words of pure smut, like plot if you SQUINT right at the begnining but even that is pretty smutty. ngl its prettyy shit. im sorry lol. also this isnt specifically idolverse or nah, it could kinda go either way so thats that i guess.

Yunho had always had a crush on you, that much everyone knew, but when you and seonghwa began dating Yunho had decided to put his own feelings aside out of respect for both you and seonghwa. Maybe it worked for a while, a few months of being genuinely happy for his two friends finding love. Yeah, it was hard seeing one of his best friends get to touch you and talk to you in the way he wanted to, but the smiles that never left either of your faces were well worth it.

But then that night came.

He hadn't meant to see it. All of your friends had gone out to a crowded club, there was dancing and a lot of drinking. But with all the chaos of the night, nobody noticed when you and seonghwa slipped into the bathroom. A while later Yunho found himself needing to pee and made his way to the back of the club as well, but when he pushed open the door all thoughts of his original plans had left. There you were, spread out on the counter, chest heaving, tiny drops of sweat making their way down your neck. And there was seonghwa, standing between your legs slamming his hips into yours and a brutal pace, absolutely RUINING you. His back was to the door and your eyes were screwed shut, Yunho had only opened the door just far enough to see in so neither of the two of you had noticed him yet.

Yunho's first reaction was to close the door and pretend he hadn't seen anything, but he couldn't move, not once he heard the filth spewing seonghwas lips.

"My baby girl got so needy she needed me to fuck her with all of her friends around? What a little slut"

That was the first thing Yunho heard, and then whine that the words pulled out of you was damn near-pornographic, and it went straight to his dick. He only stood there for a few more moments before closing the door, but the damage had been done.

Did you guys fuck like this all the time? It felt so wrong, the perfect lovey-dovey couple Yunho had come to know were hiding such a dirty side to themselves.

Ever since that night, nothing has been the same. Yunho's thoughts of you turned more and more sinful than they had ever been, but there was something else. At first, Yunho thought it had just been the embarrassment of seeing such a private moment, but Yunho was now having the same amount of trouble meeting Seonghwas eyes as yours. Every time Yunho's mind drifted back to that moment Seonghwas figure was just as clear as yours, and although he didn't want to admit it, it was seonghwas words in the bathroom that made Yunho hard.

And that is how Yunho had come to discover that he had a crush and not one, but both of you. And almost every time Yunho took time to relive himself all he could image was seonghwas sharp and defined features manipulating your soft and supple ones into increasingly compromising positions, his calm voice eliciting those same desperate whines from you.

He knew this was fucked.

Yunho doesn't know at what point seonghwa became aware of his infatuation with himself and his girlfriend, maybe he had noticed him in the bathroom and chosen not to say anything, maybe mingi had told him one night in a slip of the tongue, maybe Yunho had told seonghwa himself while drunk. Either way, it all lead him to this moment. He was sitting in your bedroom with his back pressed into a wooden chair with seonghwa standing behind him binding his wrist together with a soft scarf you had lying around.

You sat on your bed observing the scene. This had all been seonghwa's idea, but you were more than willing. That being said watching your perfectly composed boyfriend secure the taller boy who had been stripped down to his boxers to a chair facing your bed was enough to have your face burning in the chilly room.

Seonghwa finished with the restraint and made his way in front of Yunho, who was already damn near star-eyed. Seonghwa reached out and clenched the man's jaw, forcing his eyes up to meet his own.

"Remember Yunho, you are here to watch. Not to touch. No matter how much you want to," seonghwa spoke in that calm domineering voice he reserved for moments like these. Yunho nodded eagerly as well as he could while his face was still in seonghwas grasp, his cheeks puffing out a little at the pressure.

Seonghwa let go of his face and ran his hand once through the younger boys' hair approvingly before both of their gazes fell on you.

You had been waiting patiently in the sweetest little lingerie set you could find. Seonghwa was still fully clothed, but he had a thing about having you look as pretty as possible before fucking you so hard you cried. With both of their attention now firmly on you, the cold of the room couldn't seem any further away, and with every step, seonghwa made twords you, you couldn't help but clench your thighs together in anticipation.

Finally, he stood before you, looking so beautiful it was unfair, close enough you could reach out and touch him. But you didn't, you knew better.

Seonghwa gave a wicked smirk at your sweet expectant face. The stage was finally set, and it was time for the show. He looked contemplative for a moment, before deciding on his first move.

"Lay back for me, baby"

You did exactly that, allowing your head to hit the soft blankets. Never breaking eye contact, however hard it was as your boyfriend looked ready to absolutely devour you. Careful not to block anything from Yunho's view seonghwa slowly climbed onto the bed on top of you using his hips to keep your legs in place and his arms coming down to cage your top half. He moved his head to your ear and spoke in his smoothest softest voice.

"Remember to be good sweetheart, we have a guest and I don't want to waste time punishing you tonight."

You whimper out a quiet "ok" before seonghwa placed a soft kiss on your temple. And he didn't stop there, your boyfriend only pulled back for a brief moment to observe your flushed face before diving back in.

Seonghwa was organized and neat in most aspects of life, but kissing was not one of them. His kisses are hard and wet. His exceptionally plump lips forced yours to follow his lead, prying your mouth open, nipping, and sucking at anything he could. Wet was the perfect word to describe it. Wet and amazing. Normally you would have waited for permission to touch him before swinging your arms around his neck pulling him closer but when his tongue found its way into your mouth toying with your own you needed someone to ground yourself.

To your surprise seonghwa had no objection to this instead threading his left hand through your hair pulling your head close as well, letting out a deep grunt in the process. His lips began to travel down to your neck and jaw, and now the sloppiness turned a little rougher. Seonghwa took a small break to speak, barely lifting his lips off your body but his voice still carried loud and clear.

" Don't hold back your sweet little cries, I'm sure Yunho would love to hear them"

Your mouth now free to cry out little by little at the way the cold air made contact with your now burning skin every time he moved. He was covering your skin in small red patches that would surely turn dark purple by tomorrow. You braced yourself on his shoulders when his lips came to rest of the swell of your chest. Seonghwas right had found its way under your knee lifting it a bit and caressing the underside of your thigh. You had finally become used to the sensation of his mouth on your body when he bit down. Hard.

You damn near choked. You threw your head back as a deep whine spilled sinfully out of you much louder than you intended. But it wasn't just you that was making noises, a deep guttural groan could be heard in harmony with your own from across the room. It was only then did you finally dare to turn your head to where Yunho sat. And you almost wished you didn't. The tall boy sat as hunched over as he could be, positively panting with desire his eyes staring, unblinking, and where you and your boyfriend were tangled together. Your eyes locked, Yunho was staring at you with so much hunger your heat throbbed, and your thighs clenched together. Seonghwas words cut through the tension bringing your attention back to him.

"My baby is so eager, looking so pretty as wrapped up for me. Just waiting for me to pull her apart."

You instinctively nodded.

"Yes, please. I'll be good I promise" you pleaded vacantly, still gripping your boyfriend for support. Seonghwas's right hand began to slide its way up the underside of your leg before moving around till he was palming the inside your leg.

"I know darling, I know you will"

A knowing smile graced his lips before he unhooked the clasp on your pretty bra, sliding it down your shoulders. You held your breath as he pulled himself back to sit on his heels still caressing your leg dangerously close to where you were currently making a mess of your nicest panties.

Seonghwa would never admit that he had a panty kink, but seeing you laid out for him in nothing but the thin little soaked scrap of fabric was scratching an itch that he didn't even know he had. He just had to take a moment to appreciate it.

Seonghwa turned his head twords Yunho. And speaking in that same clear strong voice.

"Yunho"

The boys eyed shaped up to meet seonghwas. Yunho, aside for the occasional moan or groan and been relatively silent up until that point. He looks at seonghwa expectantly. Your boyfriend sighed. Shaking his head for a moment.

"Yunho, when I talk to you I expect words." As he spoke seonghwa tightened his grip on your thigh, you let out a tiny moan. Yunho's eyes flashed to your thigh for a moment before realizing his distraction then flying back to seonghwas face. It was like he couldn't get the word out fast enough.

"Yes?" The word tumbled from his lips haphazardly.

"Yes, what?" Your boyfriend responded, clearly unamused, a scowl making its way onto his face.

Yunho visibly panicked, eyes darting around the room quickly. He didn't know what he missed. He looked at you for help. You knew what he missed, but you had no way of telling him.

"Umm," he began, still searching for the answer. Just when seonghwa looked like he was about to cut in a look of realization hit Yunho. He remembered the night not too long ago that he had come home from dinner, expecting the house to be quiet only to hear a specific word scream from your lips as he passed seonghwas room.

"Yes, sir?" Yunho asked, his eyes wide and pleading.

Seonghwa couldn't help his look of satisfaction.

"Good boy,"

The words made Yunho's face light up.

"Now Yunho, what would you like to see?" Your boyfriend asked. This question clearly took Yunho by surprise.

"Come on, I know you have been imagining me and my doll doing all kinds of things," as he spoke his hand finally slipped inside your panties. Two cold fingers sliding between your folds. You shudder out a gasp. You were wet, unbelievably so. It took so little for his fingers to slip through your slick, toying with you like he had done so many times before.

Yunho momentarily lost his focus on seonghwa instead looking at the imprint of his hand through the fabric. He looked starved. But his eyes returned to seonghwa once again.

"So, what is it. What was your favorite thing to imagine when you touch yourself." As he spoke his fingers began to make slow tight circles to your clit. You moaned out again and grasped wildly for a moment to ground yourself against the blankets.

Yunho once again looked at a loss for words, this time unable to peel his eyes away from the dark stain in your panties and the forearm connected to the hand in them.

Yunho licked his lips slowly before tearing his eyes away to look at seonghwa. He spoke slowly, his words were shaky but certain.

"Please, just fuck her. Hard, like you, always do." He looks embarrassed by his choice, but your heart leaped at the idea, you wanted seonghwa inside you right at that very moment. He was slowly working you into an orgasm and he had barely even done anything yet.

"Really? Is that all you want?" Your boyfriend asked. "No special requests?" The circles on your bud speed slightly as he spoke. Your legs began twitching with every stroke. You had been so wound up this whole time that along with every jerk a small whine was seeping past your lips.

"Please, just," Yunho took a moment to gather his thoughts " please, I just want to see what you both look like when you ruin her."

Seonghwa looked at the boy pensively for a moment.

"Ruin her?" Your boyfriends intense gazed finally made its way back to you "that I can do" and almost exactly as his sentence finished your first wave of orgasm crashed over you. You were now spilling whines freely and rocking your hips into your boyfriend's large hands. You closed your eyes tight for a few moments. Before thinking about the exchange that just took place. Ruin you? Seonghwa was a serious man when he wanted to be, and if he promised to ruin you, you knew he would. And honestly, it was a little scary.

Finally, you opened your eyes. Your boyfriend had been watching you through your high, not stopping his hand and now that you were coming down a dull pain replaced began to radiate up from your core. You reached down to grab his wrist

"Wait. Please-" you began to plead, looking into your boyfriend's eyes, but your words were cut off.

"Well, Yunho. If I'm going to ruin her I'm going to have to prepare her. Wouldn't want her to break" you whined at his words as his hand began to speed up once again over your extra sensitive nub. He then glanced over at the boy who seemed just as transfixed by your pleasure-filled face as seonghwa. "unless you want that"

"Please," was all Yunho could force out "I just want to see"

Seonghwa finally pulled his hand out from the ruined fabric. Despite the numbing pain that came from his handy work you were already missing the sensation and your hand on his wrist tightened again.

Seonghwa let out a sigh.

"Sweetheart, how am I supposed to let Yunho see what I can do to you if you still have these panties on," he asked in a disappointed tone. You reluctantly released his wrist.

Seonghwa finally found the time to pull his sweater over his head, tousling his hair in the process. Now it was both you and Yunho gawked. It was something both you and Yunho had seen a thousand times, but there was still something awe-inspiring about the way he looked kneeling over you with his bare golden honey skin on display.

If seonghwa noticed the stares he didn't address them as he moved to pull your ruined panties down your legs. The anticipation was clear on Yunho's face as the wet fabric slowly made its way down your legs. Finally, he pulled them off the tip of your toes. Because of you and seonghwas position, Yunho still couldn't see your heat. To your surprise, seonghwa stood up quickly from the bed. Your panties still between his fingers. He looked at Yunho.

"You want them?" He asked letting them dangle from his hand that was still glistening with your juices. Yunho choked out a "yes, sir"

Satisfied with his answer seonghwa walked over to the man, leaned over him, and slipped the fabric into his bound hands.

Your boyfriend then returned to you on the bed, but instead of climbing on top of you, he sat down beside you.

"Open up baby"

It may be a bit late in the game, but you were finally coming to terms with what is happening. Yunho, one of your closest friends is about to watch you get fucked by your boyfriend, you had to look away from the man at the sudden realization. Slowly, you opened your legs and you heard the sharp intake of breath that could only be from Yunho.

"What do you think?" Your boyfriend asked pulling your legs apart even more. You shut your eyes tight, feeling embarrassed.

"It's pretty" was all Yunho could Say. You flushed even deeper.

"I know, isn't it? My baby has such a pretty pussy" you choked.

"Open your eyes sweetheart, I want to look at you"

Slowly you opened them, still keeping your gaze firmly on your boyfriend's face.

"No need to be embarrassed sweetheart. You look so cute" seonghwa said in a coo.

Seonghwas hand slipped further between your legs, spreading you open for Yunho to see. You couldn't help but sneak a glance at the man. He was almost drooling, as he licked his lips.

"She tastes amazing," seonghwa says dipping a finger into your still sensitive heat. You felt yourself twitch.

"Normally I would spend hours eating her sweet little cunt, but that wasn't what you wanted to see" seonghwa spoke with false regret. Honestly, Yunho looked right now like there was nothing else in the world he would rather witness but everyone knew he had already made his choice.

Your boyfriend finally decided to push 2 fingers into you all at once. You whined out at the sudden intrusion.

"I have to get her ready first, I hope you don't mind" seonghwa spoke with a chuckle. Because no, with a view like that how could Yunho mind watching your boyfriend's two long fingers push in and out of you over and over again each time bringing a little more wetness out of you.

At this point you were gone, the pleasant stretched of the familiar fingers moving inside of you was like a mantra pulling small noises from you like a song. Seonghwa was brushing the inside of your walls oh so perfect if was unfair.

"She is always so wet, pulsing around my finger with so little work. What a little slut." Your eyes shot open with a moan at his words. His pace quickened. With your still heightened sensitivity, you already felt your stomach tighten.

"Oh. Do you like that? Like it when I call you my slut?"

"Yes, sir"

"Do you like being a little whore for me?"

"Yes, sir"

"Do you want me to fuck you in front of our friend, just so he can see how much of a slut you are?" At that, you locked eyes with Yunho across the room.

"Yes please sir, please show him how much of a slut I am for you" Yunho lurched forward for the first time, his dick straining so hard against his boxers it must be painful.

Seonghwa leaned down to give you a quick kiss on the forehead,

"Good girl"

Finally, seonghwa focused all his energy on bringing on your next orgasm. Pressing deliciously against that special spot inside you while his thumb returned to your pulsing clit. You were already so far gone that it only took a few more direct strokes for you to come tumbling down once again.

This one lasted much longer than the first. And once again seonghwa prolonged it as long as possible by not stopping his hand once throughout the whole time. The pleasure came on waves, washing over you with so much intensity it was all you could do to keep moaning so loud the neighbors could hear you.

Finally, when he pulled his fingers out you took a moment to catch your breath. But it wasn't long before it was stolen again by seonghwa sticking each finger in his mouth one at a time a sucking them clean, never once breaking eye contact with the boy in the chair.

"Hmm, sweet" was all he said, before standing from the bed once again and undoing his belt. Seonghwa pushed his hair back before undoing his jeans and pulling them down his legs. At last, he stood in nothing but his black boxers. If you weren't struggling so hard to keep your eyes open after your climax you would have ogled but Yunho's hungry eyes were wide and fixed on the impressive size of the tent in your boyfriend boxers. Seonghwa spared him a glace before chuckling.

Your boyfriend turned completely to Yunho and pulled down the boxers as well. You knew what was there, so you understand the feeling Yunho was having to lick his lips like that. Yunho's arms once again lurched forward.

"Remember, no touching" was all seonghwa said before turning back to you. He says down on the bed beside you once again

"Come sit on my lap baby,"

You almost groaned. You felt like you could barely move and you would much rather he take you just as you are, but you know better than to fight him.

Seonghwa positioned you both facing Yunho, so he could have the perfect view of you both.

You tried to keep your self as steady as possible as lined himself up under you. Your muscles protested as you held yourself up. Finally, seonghwa took hold of your hips and pushed you down onto him all at once. The two of you both let out a satisfied groan. Your pussy felt used and abused but at that moment all you could think about was how nice it felt to be full. Your head fell back onto your boyfriend's shoulder almost immediately.

"Awe, do I make you feel that good, baby? You like it when I fill you up that much?"

"Yes, sir, I love being full. Love it when you fill me up." Your words were slurred together but loud. Seonghwa, using his grip on your hips. Helped you lift yourself only to be pulled back down again.

"Holy fuck" Yunho spoke in a quiet tone, watching where your boyfriend's dick was now disappearing inside of you.

"Don't use that kind of language" seonghwa spat out while staring to set a fast and deliberate pace, his focus instead on fucking you to tears.

"I'm sorry sir, it's just-" he seemed to be at a loss for words. " I can see you in her tummy"

At that seonghwa chuckled again. He took your hand and lead it to the spot on your stomach you could feel him inside you.

"I know, my baby is such a slut she isn't satisfied until I fill her up this much."

All of these words were filtering in and out of your ears but all you could focus on was the feeling of seonghwas dick moving inside of you. You were so sensitive after two orgasms not so long ago that your body felt utterly spent but every single time seonghwa trusted up into you felt like you could cry at how good it felt. It hurt, yes it hurt, seonghwa was big, that's why he spent so much time working you up, but even with that, you could still feel him stretching out your wall in the most delicious way. Every time he pushed all the way into you could almost cry at the sensation, not to mention how he rubbed against every spot inside of you in the perfect way. You were a mess of whines and cries and tears.

"She's crying" Yunho spoke in a shaking voice.

Seonghwa brushed your hair away from your face, looking at the tears streaming on your face. Your boyfriend placed feather-light kisses against your cheeks where the tears streamed down. A stark contrast to the brutal pace he was drilling his hips into your cunt.

You were clenching madly against him and he couldn't help but chuckles, though it was now somewhat airy as he was nearing his own climax.

"You gonna come, baby?" He asked.

"Mmhmm" you whined, head still rolled back as he fucked into your relentlessly. You were so close, every time he pushed back into you you cried out wanting him to make you come so fucking bad.

Seonghwa took told of your chin with one hand and forced your head forward making you lock eyes with Yunho. He looks almost as fucked out as you probably did. Forehead sweating, chest heaving, dick twitching. The sight made you clenched down hard.

"Who knew my sweet little baby, want people to watch her get fucked like a whore." you clenching tears streaming down faster than ever. The hand not holding your chin found your clit and once again began rubbing slow but rough circles onto the bud. You were so full and so close, and knowing that Yunho was seeing you like this, looking him in the eye while seonghwa fucked you almost made you come.

"What do you think Yunho? Should I let my little slut come?" He asked pinching your bud and delivering a particularly hard thrust. You gagged on the drool spilling from your mouth.

" yes, please sir, please make her cum!: Yunho almost shouted, looking crazed.

"You heard him slut. Cum."

And that was all it took. You were shaking and writhing on top of your boyfriend, head and eyes rolled back and your eyes saw stars. Waves don't even being to describe the way pleasure was moving through your body.

"Sir, it feels so good" was all you could say between the cries, and yes you were crying for real now. Short of losing consciousness, you were gone to the world. Lost in the feeling.

It took you several minutes to realize that seonghwa was still fucking you. But once you did you jerked painfully.

"No, no please" fell past your dry lips. As you moved to sit up. But seonghwas had kept you in place.

"You're not going anywhere baby, I still haven't cum yet and I am going to right in your little pussy."

It hurt, and you were crying, but all you wanted to do was be a good girl for seonghwa so you stayed put, letting him use you. You looked up at Yunho, your eyes glossy, mouth hanging open, probably covered in bruises as you always were when seonghwa fucks you.

Yunho moaned out, straining against the fabric keeping him tied to the chair.

At that moment seonghwa finally came. You could hear his groan through his chest and feel the cum spilling into you. Nice and full.

With a few more thrust seonghwa finally stopped. Allowing you to rest a moment before pulling you off him. You collapsed into your blankets. Feeling moments away from sleep, but you kept your eyes open. Seonghwa took a moment before standing pulling up his own boxers before moving over to where Yunho sat panting. He looked down at the boy and laughed.

"You came untouched?"

"Yes sir"

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

What’s your opinion for Leo’s reaction to finding out the mc was immortal as well- not necessarily a vampire, maybe they’re some other type of supernatural. I’m really curious because Leo seems like he’s mainly in love with the mc bec they are human.

Hi lovely!!! Always wonderful to see you, hope you’re well! 💛💛💛💛💛

Tbh I think my opinion remains the same about something like this? I'm going to link to an ask I wrote up a while ago, only because it's v pertinent to the subject matter and good background for what I’m going to expand on here.

That being said, I'm happy to kind of tl;dr/expand on what I talked about there. Basically I had the feeling that Leonardo choosing MC as a lover was more circumstantial--regarding the state of his life in the moment, regarding his general feelings about vampires and vampire society, and regarding his unresolved trauma as a young kid.

I guess my answer to that question--and forgive me if it seems like a cop out--is that it really depends, I feel? I think his attraction has a lot more to do with the kind of person somebody is, their sensibility, more than it has to do with mortal vs immortal. If it was an immortal MC that showed ridiculous fortitude and self-control, measured patience and maturity, I really don’t see him not noticing that? I think he would be wary at first (assuming it’s all a front) but with time would likely feel a great deal of love if they were interested in a life together. If they were able to see and understand what he needs and answered those needs, I guess I just really doubt his ability to say no. It’s all he’s really looking for, and the fact that he hasn’t found it after so long really speaks to his frightened evasiveness and the rare nature of that kind of unshakeable strength.

I also think a lot of his hinging away from purebloods (true immortals, in other words) is that he 100% does not want his familia having any involvement in his meaningful relationships. Which might be why he shows more acceptance towards turned vampires, or potentially different supernatural beings.

But I also don’t like giving a vague answer without some kind of explanation as to how I got, to that conclusion, so a boatload of analysis follows below the content warning.

Spoilers for Leonardo’s route and a few mentions of JPN ver content:

I think he has less of an obsession with the idea of mortality, and more like a constant association of goodness and freedom and maturity with humanity. And while it's understandable, there are signs that--when he has the proper time and space to heal--his views seem to soften from those extremes. I mean his decision to live with Comte is pretty much his first step in that direction; it was him acknowledging for the first time that vampires aren't inherently loathsome or incapable of normal living. (On a revealing note, I think it says a lot that he agrees with MC that she is living in a “wolves’ den” but also feels the need to clarify the men are basically the domesticated equivalent. They don’t pose the same threat other vampires typically do to humans because of their lifestyle and sire.) Additionally, his tsun-like behavior towards Comte also seems to solidify this concept for me: Leonardo’s trying to come to terms with something he's sworn to reject since he was young, but also can't entirely deny that Comte is as chill and mature as purebloods come lmao

[There was also an event in the JPN ver–which seems to be approaching the ENG version rapidly, though only the first part is here right now–in which Leonardo fully offers to turn her. MC is essentially on her death bed, and Leonardo doesn’t want to lose her after so little time together; it’s MC that rejects the future as a vampire out of sheer principle. Even more noteworthy is that, when a reincarnation of MC is reunited with Leonardo in modern times, he is revealed to be exceptionally shaken by that loss. There are suggestions he can’t take losing her again, which could mean succumbing to the desire to bite her.]

Two things I feel are necessary to hit home:

The first being that, at least within the storyline so far, the most mature and human-like vampires we’ve seen are Leonardo and Comte. They seek to emulate the maturity they see reflected in the human beings they’ve known all their lives. Given how vampire society and their hierarchies work, I get the feeling humans are nothing more than amusing tools to them--a way to survive and creatures to exercise control over. There’s an objectification and delusion that comes with what I’ve seen, and I think it’s important in this discussion? If the vast majority of vampires behave this way (because I’m ngl, Leonardo and Comte don’t seem very keen on remaining in touch with other vampires all that much) then it only makes sense they prefer the company of humans who can at least share this sensibility of “been there, done that--stop hurting people bc you’re bored/repressed, grow up.”

One event story where this was exceedingly evident was actually Leonardo’s proposal story. If y’all remember, an old pal/acquaintance of Leonardo’s finds out he’s gunning for a human woman and basically goes “lmao not on my watch.” His name was Adam iirc, and he felt he had every liberty to try and pressure Leonardo into turning MC. Failing that, he insisted they should break up and not be together anymore. Now, on the one hand, it’s fair to say that he was looking out for Leonardo in a way–he didn’t want him to end up miserable and alone when she was gone. But at the same time I feel that Adam’s behavior is deeply revealing of vampire society as well lmao. He doesn’t really try to understand the situation, just immediately assumes it’s the only appropriate outcome. It does insinuate a lowkey cultural disdain for humanity: they are imperfect, they do not last or cannot have real value without preservation. If Adam was really Leonardo’s friend, wouldn’t he realize that Leonardo considers vampirism nothing more than a burden that he would wish on no one, much less his future wife? Additionally, wouldn’t he also keep in mind that Leonardo considers human beings beautiful just as they are? Since he fails these basic requirements to understand Leonardo, my impression is that he is influenced by the larger vampire culture to some extent. Furthermore, it underscores just how thoroughly Leonardo has been trained to keep his cards close to his chest for fear of ridicule/violent reprisal: no vampires know his true feelings on the matter because he would be vehemently rejected outright.

[One can also offer that maybe Adam wasn’t being malicious, maybe vampires find human women they fall in love with all the time and turn them (or any other permutation of companionship that occurs), so he doesn’t understand why Leonardo wouldn’t. But even then, to try to force them to break up if she doesn’t turn? A bit overkill imo but also revealing--Leonardo’s will is being ignored for the sake of upholding a kind of ill-founded superiority complex lmao]

While Leonardo does have a somewhat overbearing need to control the pacing of his relationship and who sacrifices what, I don’t think it’s wrong to be cautious--to want to think things through. I think it’s fair to be afraid that the person you’re with can’t handle what you’ve seen/known. But that also leads me to a core issue I have with MC: she doesn’t inspire much confidence that she can handle the life he’s lived, and that’s a problem of both incapacity and incompatibility. I have to wonder how he reacts when he’s with somebody at the same maturity level, or at the very least somebody with whom he can see her strength with time. When MC’s life was dying out he was desperate enough to accept biting her because he didn’t want to lose her–human or not. It’s MC that rejects this solution, which leads me to further believe that he just doesn’t care about the divide when it comes down to it; it has more to do with his difficulty with being vulnerable and fully trusting someone to care about him. (Assuming they also have the fortitude to stay hopeful and relatively strong over the course of a very long life.)

In line with that, the second thing I think it’s important to acknowledge is how deeply hurt Leonardo is as a result of his family treating him like a fool/black sheep. He outright says and heavily insinuates that his family would write her off as worthless, that they’d never accept her--that's his first thought:

Leonardo: “My familia would call you frail. I think you’re strong and beautiful. You do more with your time than we try to do with ours.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MC: “And those letters were from your familia?”

Leonardo: “Yeah. I don’t talk to them or see them anymore. We don’t agree...on a lot of things.”

[Brief intermission here. But lmao. Who does that sound like? If any of you guessed Isaac, that’s exactly what I’m alluding to. Isaac says in his own route smth along the lines of “Why bother trying to get through to people when no amount of talking does any good or gets you any closer to being understood?” Which also explains the way they get along to uncanny degrees: they find comfort in making things/researching because it means being able to avoid the distress that comes with being blatantly misunderstood by others. Their pain simply comes in different dimensions; for Leo it’s about loss and hiding who he is out of fear of rejection, for Isaac it’s about betrayal and people turning on him--ultimately abandonment for both. But I digress, back to the main argument.]

Leonardo: “Once they discovered my location, they began hounding me with letters again. They don’t want me to be with just anyone...They want more purebloods. I’m no more than one half of an equation for them.”

There is a clear implication that his desire to choose somebody that truly makes him happy means jack shit to them. They keep talking over him and trying to wear him down to force him into what they want. It’s no wonder--imo--that he has such a hard time just saying what he wants in his life, to feel like he has the freedom to wish and pursue anything freely. It’s no wonder he just expects MC to spit on everything that’s important to him. It appears as though only other human beings in general and Comte have ever come close to understanding him.

At some point MC realizes that his insistence on being compagni provvisori was originally just another act of sacrifice, and that he was fine with giving up his time and a little privacy if it meant she would be safe. The thing she doesn’t seem to realize in the course of this--and he struggles to say it until later on--is that it stopped being blind generosity. He really did start to fall in love with her, and that’s the whole reason things became even more messy; because he didn’t anticipate not being able to let go on top of the vulnerability. And it’s a big part of why he’s hesitating to speak. He feels he has no right to those feelings, and that he’s imposing on her--not that he’ll be welcome.

And when she did finally admit those feelings were welcome, it was compounded by the parroted views of his family and larger vampire society as a whole. Saying that she herself wasn’t enough, that she had to become a vampire to make him happy. Imo that sounds very potentially retraumatizing given his experiences (people trying to force him into marriages with other vampires who didn’t remotely understand or care about him because it was “the right way of things”). It’s no wonder he freaks out and does something incredibly stupid and insensitive–which is pretty insanely ooc for him.

Leonardo: “...It shocked them. Quieted them down a bit. Hard to get peace when your familia is immortal. Grazie, cara mia.”

Leonardo: “You’re strong, and you’re kind. So probably you won’t cry while I’m here to see it. But when I’m not looking, you’ll cry. If I had done that to you (bitten her, in other words), you’d still be crying when I wasn’t watching... Maybe it’s selfish of me, after what I did, but I just wanted to make you happy. You always look pretty, cara mia, but your smile takes my breath away...It’s not your destiny to love someone who will only make you cry.”

This man literally cannot handle anyone deeply sad or in despair. He’s always going to try to cheer people up and care about them, but general tragedy/emotional discord affects him very powerfully--and it’s likely a reflection of what I’ve mentioned before. He can’t bear to see people feeling helpless or miserable because he’s just been there too many times to be able to cope. He wants to help and heal (even if he’s suffering from prolonged compassion fatigue), but he knows that his powers are limited--even if he is a pureblood.

And the thing is? While it’s misguided to believe she would cry alone when it comes to the context of healthy romantic love (bc the idea would be that you lean on each other when something upsetting happens) he has zero reference point. He was not born as a result of authentic love (his parents never married, he was the result of a procreative arrangement), his family talks over every wish and belief he has and they still claim it’s done out of love/honest concern for him. One can only imagine the serpentine and obnoxious lengths to which his family has deceived or tried to force him into reconnecting with them. Every person that ever did know him/care about him in a real way is gone. Love, for him, has only been a series of losses that left his heart hollowed out; I don’t really blame him for expecting further disappointment and isolation and exhaustion. 

He’s also not wrong in the sense that he partially saw MC do what he outlined, and it’s a big part about what he loves about her. When she was feeling alone and lost–powerless–all she did was shrug and move forward. That doesn’t make it hurt any less, but focusing on what you can do instead of what you can’t do is healthier. And they both have the tendency to hide when they’re in pain or feeling lost, all because they don’t want to trouble anyone. Remember that when he says this, it’s a reflection of himself too: because even if he was heartbroken beyond measure, all he would do is hide it every second; he would never expect anyone to see right through him or care.

I mean I tend think of that one post I saw that talked about how people often see themselves as a social burden when most of their life has just been a series of neglect and loss. They don’t really have a concept of “you’re not heavy because I want to stay with you. It’s my choice to care about you.” How do you feel worthwhile an existence when four hundred years later your family still won’t treat you with basic dignity. The men in the mansion also all look to him for guidance and soothing because of the kind of person he is–he’s either silent in the periphery or helping. He never betrays so much as an inkling of insecurity or distress. 

I mean the whole reason Leonardo comes to the mansion is because he has absolutely no issue helping Comte in a pivotal time of need without seeking much of anything in return. Remember that Comte explains how Leonardo came to the mansion in response to Comte’s distress about the future. This makes sense considering Comte was rapidly trying to stop Vlad by beating him to the punch, and had only enough time to plan the basics. He had no certainty things would work out, much less that his boys would thrive. But Comte, unlike the boys, has become acutely aware of how much Leonardo is hiding his fatigue and despair in the course of being helped. As such, he wants to return the favor--and tries to be a good friend to him as much as he can (handles his insane familia, keeps things light and silly time between them, takes him seriously as a person, doesn’t pry beyond what’s fair.)

[I also think of that psychology concept of “the good enough mother.” It’s not always about being perfect every second of your life. It’s about paying attention and acting where it really counts. I feel like people who grow up under an enormous burden of neglect or parental/mentor abuse have a hard time coming to terms with the idea. This notion that just trying is enough for a lot of people, that showing them they’re not alone is enough to make  difficult memories bearable. Because it’s the oppressive silence and apathy that tends to kills people, imo--not people who mean well. But Leonardo doesn’t really understand any kind of reciprocal or non-self-emptying model because the concept is beyond him. He has no experience with it beyond Comte and a select few humans he’s befriended.]

Let’s continue on this point of MC crying where he can’t see her, shall we? The reason this scares him so much is not because he doesn’t care, or doesn’t want to make the effort. It’s precisely that he cares to the point of madness. It’s that he is legitimately convinced nothing he has to say, nothing that he can do, no part of him is enough to ease what she will have to trade away to stay with him. The core issue is not one of disregard or objectification, I find it to be more about his belief that he just isn’t enough. He doesn’t trust that anyone can love him to the point where just the sight of him or time with him can heal. And while there is a foolishness to this belief, it’s understandable when you consider where he’s coming from. You can call it selfishness, but it just feels involuntary--he has a lot of fear when it comes to love.

I mean Comte even says it himself? His words here always strike me: “I want you to understand, it’s because he cherishes you just as you are--more than he cares about his future or his well-being.”

Comte is openly identifying the way that Leonardo has a tendency to give more than is healthy. That Leonardo isn’t hesitating because his feelings are lacking, he’s doing it because he knows it’s going to hurt like a bitch trying to love her and never ask beyond what feels reasonable. (Spoilers: no request is reasonable. That’s the problem here. He’s convinced he deserves nothing.) Therefore turning her into a vampire to stay with him is--consequently, to Leonardo--out of the question. This is the literal hingepoint at which Comte and Leonardo divide; Comte simply tells MC he’ll take full responsibility for asking so much of her. He intends to make her happy with every single resource and skill he has at his disposal. Even if he doubts his ability or fears losing her to vampire rhetoric madness, he’d rather try than live with the regret and immediate loss. Leonardo is more resistant because of his dour outlook, that her fear of immortality is never going to be something that either of them can overcome. And/or he’s likely afraid she’s only going to regret being together after so long, and might succumb to the ridiculous sort of power/greed complexes vampires seem so attracted to by nature.

I think Leonardo is still coming to terms with the idea that he isn't alone in the world in a lot of ways, and I think he's also coming to terms with the idea that immortality does not equate to evil. Sure, human beings on average are probably more open to flexible modes of thinking and living compared to vampires--their maturity is in some ways guaranteed due to the instances they're forced to adapt to survive. However, just one look at the ruling class and oligarchies of all kinds (even just stubborn human beings) reveals how they are not immune to the same sort of megalomania, arrogance, and thoughtless violence purebloods/vampires are capable of.

So I guess I hesitate when it comes to the thought that he only loves her because she's human. If anything, I think he loves her for the fact that she's very rooted in reality--not quite so bound by the extremes that trouble him. It's one of the many reasons I believe Leonardo needs a lot of maturity and patience; the ability to differentiate between his panicked/overwhelmed/hurt reactions versus his calm is a skill in and of itself considering his capacity for concealment. To say nothing of getting him to slow down when this happens, too.

I suppose I think about it in a way that’s similar to how Napoleon’s main story narrative is framed. While Leonardo’s route doesn’t focus on the grandeur of being a former emperor, there is a clear insinuation here that he also craves normalcy? Just a little life, with a person he loves dearly, where he can rest and be himself for once. I think because he gives off such an appearance of steadiness, people fail to see that he is barely holding on--not to mention the kind of experiences he’s been deprived of (the exact security and understanding he so expertly emulates).

Closer to your question, it’s worth mentioning that Leonardo’s life goal for a while was the creation of an immortal human being--in that he fully recognized human beings could not offer what he needed as they were.

He loves humans because of their adaptability, their frequent desire to keep seeking out hope and making the best of the broken pieces they have. But then again, it has more to do with the nature of how frequently that sensibility occurs in humans vs vampires (and immortality in general): mortality does demand some level of necessity to change and grow. Which is one of the largest trauma points for him; the vampires around him just refused to grow up, always demanding at him like children and obsessed with their power complexes.

Thing is I also don't know enough about vampire society to know how correct this perceived ratio is. However, given Comte's similar avoidance of other vampires and general inability to live with them (he and Vlad were literal childhood best friends and Comte can't stand him anymore lmao) I think Leonardo may have more validity here than people give him credit for. Which begs the question--why did he quit trying to make a human immortal? What was it that stopped him? Was it the horror of what needed to be done to achieve it? Or would a potential companion start to fall more in love with the idea of immortality than they do with life itself/him? I think it’s a worthwhile question to ask, given the disdain he seems to aim at Shakespeare in particular--once human, but now emulates all of the violence and insatiability marked by vampirism.

This is where the transition from human to vampire/immortal contains another hingepoint: is Leonardo so incapable of finding a middle ground because he feels like any choice he makes will be a wrong one? Marry a human, deprive them of a normal love where they can grow old together. Marry a human and turn them, what if they are reborn with immortal wounds/psychological harm? What if time proves they get bored of him or hateful, what if they begin to act like the predatory purebloods he hates so much? Marry a pureblood/immortal, and be hounded by his family for heirs--risk being with somebody who will never love him or their children, and only inspire more misery in the world.

Does it make sense how this can really start to become an anxious downspiral for someone like him? How the personal insecurity and life history comes together to just compound stress endlessly?

That's the thing that's important here, I think. Leonardo just needs somebody who is open-minded, firm, and not easily deceived. If one takes a look at Leonardo's main story route, the whole reason everything goes to shit so disastrously is because MC stops listening at a critical point. Granted Leonardo could have been more forthcoming for sure, but when she started assuming Shakespeare was right instead of seeing how Leonardo was feeling/reacting, she responded in ways Leonardo wasn't prepared for. He never wanted to shake her faith or insinuate whatever she is is not good enough for him, and tbh I think Leonardo downspiraled because it was just the same thing all over again. What he is--a vampire and immortal--keeps ruining everything he wants with his life. 

[misslovasstuff]

I find love

Dazai x reader

Dear diary

“I can’t believe she’s making me do this. ‘Write a diary’ she says, ‘it’ll be helpful’ she says.”

A sigh escapes Dazai’s mouth once he finishes the first sentence on his diary.

Writing thoughts in a blank sheet of paper is very strange. His mind rushes and yet, his hand stays frozen as it is afraid to get those thoughts out of the head. Even the dark ink wouldn’t come close to how dark they may be, and even the whitest of papers wouldn’t compare with Dazai’s innocent pain.

“What am I even supposed to write down here?”

Dazai taps the pen countinuosly, looking for an idea. Honestly, he didn’t want to write anything personal. He was sure you were going to attempt reading it once he’s done.

A smirk grows in Dazai’s face. He starts to write:

Well, my life isn’t that interesting. I’m a simple man, who has recently ran into trouble. Much trouble.

This trouble is a woman, who not only almost killed me on our first encounter, but also has led me away from light multiple times. A fellow worker in the agency, a partner but mostly...

 a pain in the ass.

Since she came in the agency, she hasn’t left me alone. What even does she want from me?

“Dazai, why did you jump off the bridge? Dazai, why do you wear so many bandages?”

Those were her first questions. I understood that a normal person would find me a bit weirder than the usual man, however her questions slowly turned into demands.

“Dazai, you won’t be going out alone this time, I’m coming with you! Dazai don’t eat that it’s not supposed to go in there! Dazai, you should get more sleep, you look exhausted!”

Yes, she sticked to me like glue. Whenever I went out she went with me, she even made me do my tasks! (Kunikida was impressed ngl).

However, one day, she asked something I didn’t expect. 

Dazai, have you ever been in love?

She asked me this while we were fighting the enemy, right amidst gunmen. What was I supposed to say?

Really? Now you want to talk about this?

Between punches and bullets, she insisted on continuing the conversation.

Yes, of course I’ve been in love.

Her expression changed to a light smile. 

So the bandaged maniac is capable of loving uh?

Dear diary, I never felt the urge to punch someone in the face more that on that day. At least that’s what I first thought, because what was said next was the nicest thing she ever told me.

I’m glad for you, Dazai.

I used to wonder about her weird behavior that time. My mind questioned if she ever loved someone. Although, I didn’t know why I was asking myself that question.

To me she is much trouble, however I can’t deny her compassionate nature towards me. Almost everyday my desk is cleaned, coffee is served and paperworks are done. All because of her.

One time, she was printing some reports and I felt the need to ask:

What about you belladonna? Have you ever been in love?

She turns around to face me. Apparently sometimes she forgets about my existence.

So now the bandage wasting machine is asking questions. Are you taking an interest on me, uh Dazai?

Dear diary, I hope you understand now what I meant from ‘a pain in the ass’. Her flattering and flirtatious ways don’t work on me. I mean, they kinda do but... anyway.

I may be a bit interested on you. Where you come from? What’s your real name? And have you always had such weird hair?

Contrary to a lot of people, she is not annoyed by me. At all.

Funny, now that you mention it, I’ve been in love once. And it was with my hair.

Aha. Your sense of humor is worse than your hairstyle, love.

Well, not everyone hides their feelings behind dark jokes, babe.

I hate to admit it, but I loved it when she called me that.

Say it again. Say what? The last word. Babe? Yes?

She looked at me confused for a moment then cracked up laughing.

Have I ever told you that I find you extremely weird? Yes, multiple times.

Dear diary, as you can see we’re a bunch of crackheads that are forced to work together on daily basis. We hate each other, we love each other but mostly, we understand each other.

Don’t avoid my question belladonna.

Her eyes get darker than usual when facing mine.

What’s the point of love, Dazai? Once you give, you have to prepare yourself to fall, and once you fall, hardly will you ever get up.

By those words alone, I understood that her heart has been broken and she had lost hope in love. But if that’s the case, why did she ask that question?

But still...

I think that she noticed my worried gaze on her, thus she faked a smile while pinching my cheeks.

I asked you because, if you were able to trust someone with your heart, then I should be able to as well.

Those words of her shattered a piece of my soul. Her sad eyes were poison for my heart and her pouty lips made me eager to touch them.

As I hold her hand, I say:

Trust me love. Give me your heart and I’ll caress it with all my might. I’ll protect it from any scratch, any pain, any enemy that may break it. 

She asked me a question that made me widen my eyes:

You’ll protect it even from yourself?

Dear diary, maybe hearts can get easily broken, because mine broke a little when she spoke to me in such manner. Her eyes were getting watery and her hands reaching for mine.

Were they afraid to hold my bloody hands? For sure, they would step away, never reaching me.

If you are the one to break me for the last time, so be it. It would certainly be the last time, because if you decide on it, I’ll probably won’t have a heart anymore.

Her hands reach mine. Her touch was more delicate than I imagined. It felt... it felt amazing.

I hesitate to hug her but once a tear escaped her eye, my body acts on its own.

If I ever hurt you, than I may really just be trying to hurt myself. 

Her body felt warm against mine. Patting her head, holding her close, I really wished we would be like that for longer. Maybe just a bit longer.

Do you love me, Dazai?

Dear diary, you might already guessed what my answer was.

I’m afraid I have fallen for such troublesome woman.

A chuckle escapes her mouth and I find peace. I find joy. Mostly, I find love.

[kj-1130]

Broken-Collapse pt2

TW//Mentions of rape/assault//TW

Main Masterlist

     “We wouldn’t have let you jump, (y/n). You don’t deserve that.”

     “You don’t understand. They have connections and as soon as they step out of those cells, I am a dead man walking. I’d rather die at my own hands than theirs, so yes you should’ve let me jump.” 

     You pushed out of Olivia’s arms and ran into the bathroom. Walking into a stall, you locked it, slid down the wall, and started scratching your arms like crazy. You wanted to be grounded. You wanted to feel the pain. You wanted to see blood. You just wanted to be in control. 

-

     Amanda, Barba, and Oliva watched as you stormed off. The blonde was quick to follow, knowing how much damage you could do to yourself in just a short amount of time. 

     She heard the pants that were coming out and the occasional sniff. Walking towards the only closed door, she realized it was locked.

     “(Y/n)? Sweetheart, I need you to open this door for me.”

     The detective faintly heard her sergeant come in but kept her focus on the distraught girl inside the stall. 

     “N-no. I-I need to d-do it. Just le-let me do it.”

     Both women could hear the franticness in your voice. 

     “Sweetie please just open the door. Let us help you.”

     There was no answer. Your sobs only grew louder and breaths more distressed. Neither of them wanted to break the door so Rollins decided to slide underneath it and ignore how unsanitary it was. 

     She saw that your scratching had already broken skin and there was blood caking up on your arms. The detective quickly unlocked the door before grabbing your wrists and pulling them up, preventing you from hurting yourself any further.  

     Liv saw what was happening so she hurriedly went on the search for a first aid kit. 

     Rollins sat there, whispering reassurances while you were openly sobbing and whimpering in her chest. 

     “Breathe, honey, just breathe.”

     You shook your head and kept hyperventilating as Liv came back with something to clean your wounds. 

     “It hurts. It hurts so bad.”

     Amanda took a deep breath and assisted you in standing up. She led you to the sinks and helped you sit on the counter with the sergeant’s help.

     The older woman cleaned your arms while you dropped your head onto the blonde’s shoulder. She rubbed your back and guided you through some breathing exercises. 

     “I’m tired.”

     “You can take a nap soon-”

     “No, I’m tired.”

-

     You sat on the couch in Amanda’s apartment, staring blankly at the tv. She was right next to you but it felt like the distance between the two of you was miles considering you were off in your own world. 

     A light rub on your shoulder brings you back to earth and you realize Amanda is crouch’s in front of you. You didn’t even flinch which the blonde noticed and she gave a small smile. 

     “I ordered some Chinese food. You need to eat something.” 

     The detective lifted up her hands before bringing them to yours and helping you get up. 

     During dinner, Amanda was gently coaxing you to eat at least half of what was on your plate before you could go to bed. You were convinced that the food was somehow poisoned and not safe for you to eat—even though you knew she wouldn’t do that to you—and it had been so long since you last had a meal, that you rarely had an appetite and sometimes just the thought of food disgusted you. 

     With much persuasion and hesitance, you started to take a few bites. It was then you realized how hungry you actually were. Throughout the evening, you and Amanda chatted a bit which took your mind off of the case and your mental exhaustion for a while. 

     It was about 7 pm when you could barely stand, resulting in the detective changing your bandages, then leading you to the guest bedroom. 

     She tucked you in, telling you to come to her if you needed, before turning off the lamp and exiting the room. 

-

     It was 2 am and you were lying wide awake. You thought you’d be out like a light the moment your head hit the pillow considering all that happened today; but nope. All you had done was twist and turn; thinking about those sick smirks that were resting on their faces. Their yellow teeth and alcohol tinted breath. The look in their eyes that said ‘I’m coming for you.’ 

     Before you could even give it a second thought, you were on your way to Amanda’s room. The door was open, so you went in and started calling her name before poking her in the side. 

     She grumbled before rolling over to face you. Immediately, she was alert, thinking something was wrong, but you shook your head. 

     “I-I couldn’t sleep. C-can I stay here w-with you?” 

     The blonde’s eyebrows raised to her hairline. You took her surprised silence as rejection and started to back out of the room slowly. 

     “N-never mind. D-don’t worry about it.” 

     This time, the older woman was the one shaking her head. She reached out and grabbed your wrist. She felt you tense for a second before relaxing and walking forward. 

     “Hey, no. It’s fine. C’mon.” 

     She lifted the covers as an invitation into her bed. You reluctantly crawled in and got settled. She could still see the hesitance in your eyes and slowly wrapped her arms around you. Once again, you tensed before relaxing with a deep breath. 

     You felt Amanda give you a light kiss on your hairline as you teetered on the edge of unconsciousness. 

     It was the first night in a long time that you dreamt of the roses instead of the thorns. 

-     

     You stayed with Amanda for a week before the state practically forced you to go into foster care. They said ‘you weren’t in any immediate danger,’ anymore. You had been there for only a few days before they sent you to a foster family. 

     Something in your gut told you this was going to go bad. But it didn’t matter. Because no one listens to you. And if someone did, it was always too late. 

-

     It was your first day with your new foster family. It was a woman and who she claimed was her fiancé. She seemed kind of familiar to you; it was on the tip of your tongue but you just couldn’t remember where you’ve seen her. 

     At first they appeared to be a normal and loving couple, but they always say looks can be deceiving.

     By the second day, you were locked in your new room, aka a storage closet. It was cold and probably moldy. You were hungry seeing as they hadn’t given you food since lunch yesterday. 

      You were huddled up in a corner rocking back and forth when the man busted through the door and started to drag you out by the arm with no explanation whatsoever. He was pulling you so hard, it felt like he dislocated your shoulder. 

     The buff man practically pushed you down the stairs and roughly led you to the couch. When you looked up, you felt all the blood drain from your face. 

     It was them. They were here for revenge. 

     You just wanted Amanda. Was that too much to ask?

-

     Things continued like this for a week. Adam Johns and Michael Pierce were there everyday, waiting for you downstairs. 

     They would beat you then proceed to have sex with your limp, unconscious body. You thought it hurt the first time but this...this was unbearable. Sometimes, you’d disconnect mentally and just go into a state of nothingness. You didn’t feel, you couldn’t hear; it was just nothing. You wished that you could feel nothing all the time and leave this life. But you couldn’t. This was reality; your reality. And there was nothing you could do about it.

     Should’ve let me jump

-

     The blonde detective was walking from the cafe, on her way to work when she heard whimpers nearby. 

     She walked towards the sound with her hand hovering above her holster, just in case. She surveyed the area and what she saw broke her heart. 

     “Oh, sweetheart.” 

     “I told you they were going to come for me.”

-

     Rollins called Liv and told her the news. She immediately took you to the hospital, hoping that this time you could get a rape kit and put those bastards away for good. 

     She went into the room you were resting in and immediately saw your disheveled state. She was quick to run over and pull you in her arms. 

     That was all it took for you to completely break down. All you wanted these past few weeks was a loving touch; someone who would vow to take care of you no matter how broken or disconnected you seemed to be. All you wanted was Amanda. She was there when no one else was. She showed you the most affection since your mother died. 

     “We’re gonna put those bastards away for good. They’ll never be able to hurt you again. I promise you.” 

     For some reason you believed her. 

-

     “Manda c’mon! We’re gonna be late!” 

     “Okay, okay! I’m coming.” 

     It had been almost a whole year since you were last assaulted and you’ve been living with Amanda since. She was an excellent mother to you and you couldn’t have asked for a better life. 

     Admittedly, it was tough on both of you at first; you had to get used to someone helping and taking care of you as well and Amanda had to care for a child which is already a tough job let alone a child with major trauma. But the two of you made it work. 

     In weird ways, you bettered each other. 

     The detective came down the hall and grabbed her purse before walking towards you and swinging her arm across your shoulders. 

     “Finally. You know those hooligans can gobble up a whole 3 course meal in a span of 10 minutes. We’ll be lucky if an appetizer is left.” 

     The woman chuckled at your dramatics before heading towards the door with you in tow. 

     Living with your newfound parent made you happy; an emotion you had forgotten how to feel. The squad made you happy. 

     ‘I’m glad I didn’t jump.’

-------------

The ending lowkey sucks ngl. Hope you all liked it though!

[nct-lian]

relationships outside of sm

JENNIE + LIAN: JENLI

so iconic omg like how they do it, i have no idea

they hang out all the time and lian is literally ALWAYS on jennie’s instagram

the two of them once had an instagram story conversation over pigtails

like,, jennie posted a picture of lian’s pigtails for that one bicycle performance on her story and captioned it “pigtail baby” and then lian reposted it on her own story with a picture of jennie’s pigtails, captioning it “pigtail eomma”

speaking of eomma, jennie is genuinely her mother

jennie takes her shopping all the time

and in return, lian buys her food

the interactions these two used to have at award shows were SO CUTE

everyone remembers when jennie pretty much yelled out lian’s name and she just came running over to the members of blackpink after taeyong let her leave :(

i’m crying just thinking about it help

jennie also posted a full on instagram post for lian on her birthday and had such a sweet caption with it

it was something like “my daughter is finally 21 today! i hope she has an amazing day and i can’t wait to see her later tonight to give her a gift :) haneullie, lots of love from jennie eomma”

SPEAKING OF THE GIFT,, jennie bought her a whole ass $9000 necklace from chanel because she knew that lian was looking for more

IM IN TEARS AND SO ARE YOU ADMIT IT RN

jenli kpop bestest duo

dispatch once thought jennie was on a date with a girl but it turned out to just be her walking lian home after going shopping with her so they never posted anything about it

they were embarrassed they got something wrong so i get it

omfg when news came out that lian and jinwoo broke up mama jennie was threatening to punch the shit out of him

KEVIN + LIAN: LIMOON

what i’ve been waiting to write for so long okay here we go

so mf chaotic like there are compilations made of these two that scream “go crazy go stupid”

their time as guest mc’s for inkigayo was probably some of the best kpop content we’d gotten in a long ass time

KEVIN IS CAUTIOUS WHEN LETTING HER MEET HIS MEMBERS

cause she’s such a good friend to him and wtf why would he wanna share

“mine mine mine mine” constant dory vibes 24/7

lian thrives off of calling him by his korean name because she knows it annoys him

he’s constantly teasing her for having bagged milk in toronto so he deserves it

the one time lian and jacob talked to each other they seemed to be getting along too much for kevin’s liking so he really went:

“okay lian isn’t it time for you to go” because he WAS GETTING JEALOUSJCLSJX

their styles are pretty much complete opposites and everytime they take pictures together kevin never forgets to mention how off it all looks

“tf is that why are your clothes so boring”

“okay sNaKe pAnTs” because of that one eric moment on kpop daebak show where he said kevin had pants with snakes on them

ALSO BTW LIANS CLOTHES ARENT FUCKING BORING SHES JUST FANCY LIKE THAT

i’m getting heated let me calm down.

they normally speak in english to each other but since lian seems to be stuttering over her words when she isn’t speaking korean, he mixes in a few korean phrases every now and then to help her out

kevin is arguably the most hype every single time lian performs, like he really thinks there isn’t anything better

LIAN MAKES SURE TO UPDATE HER INSTAGRAM STORY WHENEVER TBZ HAVE A COMEBACK SO NCTZENS GO SUPPORT THEM

LIA + LIAN: LILIA

more lian x the canadian line WOOHOO

lia spent her trainee days really looking up to lian and she’s even mentioned before that she’d love for itzy to get the chance to collab with her for a song

she really has her fingers crossed for that btw

they actually met during an award show when ryujin, chaeryeong and yuna all had to leave because it was past curfew

lian decided to sit next to them and during all the intermissions between performances she, lia and yeji conversed to pass time

they ended up growing a friendship together but lian has a stronger bond with lia

she loves all the girls either way but yk

lia and lian love going to cafes together and taking adorable pictures :(

like whenever lia posts on itzy’s instagram midzeys don’t exactly know whether or not lian would be on it too :0

like lian normally posts all the scenery pictures she gets to keep her instagram pleasing whereas lia posts the pictures the two of them take together

my heart </3

lian treats lia like a whole daughter because it isn’t often she finds girls that are younger than her

*screams in the fact that majority of sm’s female artists are all from 2015 and under*

like when i say lian SPOILS her i’m not joking

she will randomly call lia up like:

“hey i’m gonna get you out of that dungeon, come get some chicken with me”

and then they’ll just hang out together

but only if lian is out of the dungeon herself because wbk she ain’t treated very well </3

EUNWOO + LIAN: WOOLI

their chemistry is fucking insane holy shit

like their acting for past to present was seriously so praised, netizens found it hard to believe it was all just for the show

dating rumours follow these two everywhere,, like everywhere

it’s one of the most popular ships inside ncity when it comes to lian and other idols

i kid you not one tweet said “chanhyeok treated jihye so well in past to present, i’m only wondering how well eunwoo would treat lian 👀”

LIKE STOP PUTTING IDEAS INTO PEOPLES HEADS YOURE KILING ME HERE ISTG

but yeah they do look really good together

and they’re an amazing pair for acting

when eunwoo started working with inyeop for true beauty, he said:

“hyung’s dating my girlfriend” because of the fact that both of them have acted with lian and BOTH of them dated her in the dramas

what a coincidence though

we all cried when we saw chanhyeok and jihye kiss for the first time DONT LIE

EUNWOO FOLLOWS HER ON INSTAGRAM

and they wished each other happy birthday on their instagram stories

there’s actually people who like to think that they dated while filming for past to present andddd they radiate big delulu vibes

like you know liskook shippers? wooli shipped are kinda the same, but not as intense (thank god)

BUT CAN WE BLAME THEM LIKE THEIR CHEMISTRY? THE WAY THEY TALKED TO EACH OTHER? PLEASE

they took a lot of cute pictures together behind the scenes (ノ﹏ヽ)

MOMO + LIAN: LIMO

DANCER DUO DANCER DUO

this ship isn’t actually as popular as we would like it to be, but nonetheless people love limo

a lot of interactions during award shows !!

like for example momo’s fancams always captured her dancing perfectly to lian’s choreo

and lian smiling in momo’s direction

i love them

when lian found out about heechul and momo’s relationship, she asked momo if she was her mom now because of how much of a father figure she considers heechul to be JDFJK

“i mean sure”

they’ve actually done a vlive together before (ᗒᗨᗕ)

it was when lian visited her at the twice dorms and they ended up getting bored so they decided to do a vlive in the living room

THEY PLAYED DARE OR DARE AND LIAN HAD TO DO THE TEARS CHALLENGE (so chan whee) ON MOMOS KARAOKE MACHINE

her throat was dry for the rest of the night

after seeing momo’s hair for the i can’t stop me era, lian actually wanted to cut it like that

but she decided against it because she loves her long hair too much

the two of them met on hit the stage where they competed against each other in a freestyle dance battle

after that they just started casually talking over the phone and became great friends

with the way momo talks about lian, you’d think they’re dating-

“oh, lian- she’s so pretty! i love her a lot!”

and the same goes for lian, she loves talking about momo’s dancing skills

JACKSON + LIAN: JACKLIAN

her dad :/

adopted her with amber liu like a year ago so now she’s just his daughter

supports each other like crazy not even joking

jackson promotes her on instagram and twitter 24/7

THEY HAVE SO MANY INTERACTIONS THANK GOD

lian was once given a ridiculously short dress while attending an award show and jackson gave her his jacket to wear over her legs because she wasn’t provided a blanket :(

(keep in mind, she went there without the members!)

lian added all his music to her playlist :)

once got drunk together and spent like three hours doing karaoke but it’s okay cause it was fun

speaking of getting drunk, jackson’s the cool dad that lets her do whatever she wants

he has his protective moments where he’s like “ma’am where are you going on that short of a dress” but he’s also like “hey wanna go get chicken and soju”

they both appeared on a radio show together as guests and they ruined the whole broadcast because they were too loud

like they kept getting out of their seats to go wave at all the fans outside the window and they were just fighting back and forth about whether or not lian’s extensions look real

according to jackson, they’re “NOT AUTHENTIC ENOUGH- LOVE YOUR HAIR FOR WHAT IT IS, LIANNA HANEUL BAE.” lian’s hair lives matter :/

PLSSS WHEN HYOSEOP AND LIAN STARTED DATING- no

jackson was so proud that his good friend was smooching his other good friend but the protective dad instincts really kicked in

“break her heart and you die no cap”

was surprisingly chill when they broke up though, he was just glad lian didn’t cry

SUNMI + LIAN: SUNLI

SUNMI IS HER MOM OHMYGOD

so many interactions

honestly took lian under wing once she debuted as a soloist

female kpop soloists gotta have each other’s backs in this industry man :(

sunmi calls lian her princess SOBS

lian always hugs sunmi at award shows, like if they’re sitting close together

or if they’re standing next to each other on stage

you bet your ass lian is gripping onto sunmi for dear life

did a photoshoot together for marie claire korea

they’re so hot bro

BUT THEY FIRST MET ON WEEKLY IDOL NOT LONG AFTER LIAN DEBUTED AS A SOLOIST

they were kinda awkward ngl uh

but by the end of it they were besties :DD

and they’ve been besties ever since

lian is the ceo of doing dance covers for sunmi’s songs

cmon lian we’re waiting for tail 👀

sunmi has actually met lian’s grandma </3

like her and lian were hanging out at the dorms while the boys were out on a schedule and her grandma just randomly showed up with homemade food so that was definitely a win

BANG CHAN + LIAN: LICHAN

they’ve been friends for a LOOONGGG time

and chain’s known her since dating back to like, smrookies era when lian was still a red velvet member

like at that time she had no idea he existed, but he was keeping up with her daily :(

chan plays her music on vlives all the time and he always knows the dance moves

like he just dances along in his chair and mumbles the lyrics

we love to see it

a lot of fans ship them together

SURPRISE SURPRSIE AH

only because chan gives off big pining energy

lian only looks at him like “:D” whereas he looks at her like “♡•♡”

kinda sad but

lian promotes him on live so often HVKSVU

“my friend chan is coming back with his group soon, you should check it out! :)”

and the way she just says “my friend chan” LIKE ITS SO OBVIOUSLY A FRIENDZONE BUT HE THINKS ITS ADORABLE

he once got a comment on a vlive to react to lian moments, obviously complying because who wouldn’t

there was this one clip of her saying “my friend chan from stay kids!” and whoever edited the compilation added in squishy noises right after while zooming in on her face

AND CHAN BLUSHED SO HARD NOO

“oh- hahaha, uhh, she’s so cute aw hahahah”

ASHLEY + LIAN: ASHLI

oh god not another lian x mom ship

ASHLEY LOVES LIAN WOAH

like she’s submitted lian’s resume to bm so many times so they could be part of the big tiddie committee together

ashley is constantly, and i mean constantly, reposting all of lian’s posts on her story with captions like “LOOK AT HER GO”

and lian has even discovered all the cool instagram filters because of ashley, and now we get the quality content from her that WE DESERVEEEEE

back when lian’s album came out, all ashley’s story really was was just screenshots of her streaming all the songs and calling them bops

when they first met in person after texting back in forth, ashley spammed her instagram story with pictures of lian that she took without her looking

these two radiate a lot of “YES GIRL WORKKK ITTT TURN THIS WAY OKAYYY POSE POSE POSE” energy

lian’s been featured in one of ashley’s youtube videos and it was when they met for the first time :)

they exchange a lot of gifts through the mail

like lian once found a mug when shopping with doyoung and she thought that it would fit ashley’s taste so she sent it to her apartment

and ever since then they just send random little gifts to each other’s houses

it’s so cute

MATCHING BUCKET HATS THEY HAVE MATCHING BUCKET HATS !!!!!!

ashley talks about lian all the time

she always says that for someone so young, she’s accomplished a lot and she’s really proud of her

they wanna do tiktoks with each other but they never have the time </3

lian spam comments on ashley’s instagram like “WOAH” “OKAYYYY” “YESYESYES”

[couchpotatoaniki]

One Year ❣︎ Two: Plotting and Planning

Chapter Summary: You finally arrive at Jeju Island, but there’s trouble in paradise between you and Dominic.

Pairing: Mafia!San x Fem!Reader Genre: Mafia AU, fluff, angst, eventual smut, lotta crack and stupid shit ngl Chapter warnings: swearing, stalking, cheating Word count: 2.7k+ A 365 Days parody

Previous: Chapter One For the rest of the series, click here

Speech in bold means they’re talking in Korean

Speech in italics is whatever the reader wants their native langue to be that’s not Korean or English

Speech without either means they’re talking in English

You wanted to punch him square in the face.

Dominic was pushing your buttons beyond what you could handle, and you had no idea what had gotten into him.  Never this bad when it came to his attention. Never did he make you feel this annoyed.

Jeju was a nice place--just as beautiful as you had imagined--but the flight was fairly long so none of you went sight seeing the day you landed. Skipped off to the hotel room for some much needed rest, you most of all.

Though you had a weird sense, chills running up your spine occasionally and funny feelings at the back of your head, you tried to shove it aside. Work was not meant to make it’s way while you were all on your holiday.

Not to mention, your boyfriend was talking once again to his colleagues and friends, not paying mind to you as you hauled the rest of the luggage around the large airport and hotel.

You were tired. You felt not normal. He was being a dick.

So it all had started off on the wrong foot. Still time left to change it around, right?

Then Dominic decided it would be great to take up most of the hotel bed--probably because it was so comfy, whereas he only had half of the bed back at home.

Eventually, you were too tired to put up with this behaviour so you got up and walked to Seonghwa’s and Yeosang’s room.

“The fuck, why are you here?” Yeosang mumbled, half-asleep himself.

Caught the rapid pitter-patters of water running in the background, which must’ve been Seonghwa. “How long’s he been in the shower?” You asked since he generally takes quite a long time.

“Just got in,” he answered, moving aside as you pushed through the doorway with a lazy glare resting on your face.

“Good. Stealin’ his bed,” was all you said before flopping onto the nearest double bed--still as comfortable as the king sized you were supposed to share--and knocking out right there on the spot.

Yeosang ruffled his silvery-grey hair, sighing. “His bed was the other one...”

The next day was a little more manageable.

The sleep definitely helped your patience level, though Seonghwa was a little annoyed that he had to share the night with Yeosang.

Granted, when you explained everything in the morning over some food from the breakfast buffet, he understood.

You were like a little sister to him. Sure, he took you under his wing a little less than five years ago, taught you his trade, polished you up to be the best of the best, he still grew fond of you.

An older brother you never had, and acting as such, he was highly sceptical when you brought a boy to the dinner table. Dominic, you had introduced.

Never liked him since. Sucked it up only for you, but his patience too was tested often by comments that were made and outlandish behaviour that was presented. No, Seonghwa didn’t like him one bit.

“Well,” he began, taking a bite of a golden, buttered croissant, “if you start feeling uncomfortable again, just pop over to our room and I’ll kick Yeosang out.”

You chuckled at the thought. “He’ll rip him to shreds.”

“Who? Yeosang or Dom?” Threw a pointed look in his direction, as if to ask him if he actually did just say that. “Okay, okay,” Seonghwa laughed as he almost spat out his orange juice, “I knew you meant Yeosang.”

“Happy birthday, dipshit!” Mingi’s voice boomed from behind, as the rest began to join the two of you. His long arms wrapped around your shoulders as he squeezed you in a bone-crushing hug.

“Happy birthday to you too, douchebag,” you squeaked out. The other boys had settled down, wishing you both a happy birthday--Dominic giving you a little kiss too.

Tried to hold back the smirk fighting its way onto your lips as you saw Seonghwa openly grimacing in your peripheral. “Where were you last night, babe?”

You never particularly liked it, that nickname. ‘Babe’...

“You’re asking that now?” Playfully teasing, though there was a slight hint of venom. None of which he picked up on. “I was with Seonghwa and Yeosang.”

“Really?” Dominic’s brow lifted, the judgement of you spending a night in two other men’s room clearly written in his expression.

“Yes, really,” you replied, less playful since he should have known by now that all of you were strictly friends. Neither passion nor romance was held for either the black-haired clean-freak and the grumpy introvert.

Has never been since you were all like family.

“Okay then,” he sighed, sitting beside you with his plate of a heavy breakfast.

The boys stayed quiet throughout the exchange, noticing everything going on but not saying a word. Knew that you could handle it better on your own.

San, on the other hand, was fuming. Although he was not close enough to hear a word any of you said--not that it would matter since he couldn’t understand it anyway--the boy could see the feelings of annoyance brew in your mind.

Hongjoong had his hand on his friend’s shoulder, preventing him from walking up and doing something he would regret. “Look, you don’t know what’s being said, so just give it a rest and enjoy your toast.”

“Joong, I can’t enjoy my toast, especially if he’s said something that makes her upset. I’ll floor the fucker, I swear--”

“San,” the blur-haired boy warned in a low tone, “eat your toast.”

One of his strengths would be that San knew when to back off. Sure, it came to a much bigger challenge when you were involved, apparently, but he still had listened to his second-in-command. “Fine. I’ll eat it, but I won’t like it.”

Hongjoong had not said another word to him, still pissed off about what his boss had pulled last night. Flying over had drained energy out of him, no matter how many times he did it, so all he wanted to do was to go to the villa, greet Jongho and Wooyoung, and then go to sleep.

That was it.

But no. San decided he had to chase you to this hotel. This hotel which was less luxurious than the villa and the food was sub-par at best. Not to mention he kept pacing about the room that was supposed to be opposite yours and your boyfriend’s, worried how you left the room and went into a different one.

Hongjoong had to stop him from bugging the rooms or even go pounding the door so hard it knocked down.

Seeing his boss and friend like this had him beyond concerned, since this was the first time it’s ever gotten to this degree.

In fact, he was so concerned, he had to update the two other boys about it--without San’s knowledge.

Wooyoung had told him to bring San to the villa as soon as possible--by tomorrow night, no matter what--but the man in question appeared to have other plans.

Throughout the day, San became more calculated in his movements (particularly when it seemed that you were on alert of some strange presence by the side glances you gave in their general direction). “We're going back to the villa tomorrow night.”

To hear that was a bit of a shock, especially when he had planned for the same thing. “What are you gonna do?”

“Sweep her off her feet, of course,” San smirked, devious little cogs in his head turning.

Ruffling his hair as he looked over at you and your friends--sat down in the tent lounge for your celebratory dinner--Hongjoong shuddered slightly at the ominous tone.

Clinking of a fork against glass, Dominic grabbed the attention of everyone, including the bystanders around him. Clearing his throat, he pulled out a piece of of paper with words scribbled on.

“Ladies and gentlemen,” he began, surprisingly in Korean rather than the language you all communicated in--though it wasn’t perfect, he was still trying. San was glad, now able to understand what was being said.

“Today is a special day, because it is the birthday of two very special people. One of which is my lovely girlfriend. So I would like to embarrass her by preparing this speech, to let everyone know this wonderful woman is mine.”

The mafia boss didn’t like that. He didn’t like that one bit.

“I’m so glad you were born, because life wouldn’t have been as fun without you, and you’re certainly very special in not only my heart, but the rest of the boys as well.”

It wasn’t only San who was unhappy about this speech. This wasn’t just your birthday, it was Mingi’s as well, yet he was written off. So, before Dominic could conclude his speech, you stood up, interjecting him.

“Thank you, for that nice speech. But I also want to congratulate my childhood friend, for it’s his birthday today too.” You lifted your glass to cheer the giant. “If it weren’t for you, God knows where I would be, if I would even be alive. You’ve saved my ass more times than I can count and for that, I’ll forever be eternally grateful.”

Hearing you speak such good Korean had--for some bizarre reason--made San’s heart skip a beat of two. Even as your accent shone, the pronunciation was close to flawless.

Yet Dominic was not feeling so proud. Yes, it was Mingi’s birthday too, but that speech was for you. Interrupting him was almost as if you were putting Mingi before him. Before your boyfriend.

As the chocolate cake topped with sparklers was brought out by the staff and people around you started to sing ‘happy birthday’ in Korean (your friends being the loudest), you couldn’t shake off the feeling that you were being watched again. But what was worse, you couldn’t shake the feeling that Dominic was going to do something dumb tonight.

“Excuse me,” you said as you stood up in the middle of dinner, when everything went back to normal.

“And where are you going, little missy?” Yunho asked as he moved his long legs to let you get past.

“Bathroom,” was all you said as you went by, needing to freshen up after feeling so... odd. Confined under the eyes of people you didn’t know.

The night had brought itself a particularly cold wind, rushing past your black chiffon dress. “Crap,” you cursed, “should’ve brought a thicker coat.”

Each turn you made, you became increasingly confused as to where you were. This place was like a damn maze. “Should’ve probably asked for directions too.”

“Are you lost, babygirl?” a deep voice asked you in English, cocky tone evident in the way the words rolled off his tongue. You turned to see the man who had just dared to call you that, ready to thump him in the face with a nearby plant pot, but when you saw his face, a sense of familiarity washed over you.

This was the guy. He's eyes were following you since you came off the plane--you could feel it in your bones.

“No thanks, you replied back in English, “I’m perfectly fine.”

And you turned around, not capturing the devilish smirk growing across San’s face as he watched you powerfully walk off in some random direction, not knowing if it was towards the bathroom.

But he didn’t need to know that, did he?

“Where’s Dom?” Mingi pondered as he looked around, realising it was oddly peaceful in the area.

“Not a clue,” you shrugged, “he’s been gone all night. Disappeared after dinner.”

While Yeosang, Yunho, and Seonghwa went swimming in the hotel pool, hearing their yells of ‘Marco!’ and ‘Polo!’, you and your childhood friend opted for sunbathing on colourful lounge chairs.

“Since when the fuck do you not have a clue? Plus, we all saw how that dickhead was eyefucking that random hoe at the dinner.”

“I really don’t wanna think about it. After all, it’s our birthday and I don’t wanna ruin the mood by thinking of the things he’s probably doing.”

Propping himself on his elbows, he took off his sunglasses to look at you. “Bastard’s cheating on you and you’re not gonna do anything?”

“Oh no, I’m definitely going to bring pain upon his ass like never before, but right now is not the time. Besides, it’s not as if we ever loved each other. And I finally got a good night’s sleep.” You placed your hand over his in a reassuring way, but it did nothing much.

Your response had Mingi biting his bottom lip, worried. “Hearing you talk like that scares me sometimes, ya know?”

“After everything I went through, you still think I’m going to be who I was?” You opened your eyes, peering over at him with eyes so cold that there was only one situation he would see them. “Do you still fucking think with all the shit that the five of us do, I’d still be a person who believes in mercy or love?”

Sighing, he lay back down with his sunglasses covering his eyes once more. “You’re right, it’s dampening the mood. What are you planning to do between now and dinner? Any particular place you wanna visit?”

Contemplating, you hummed as you thought of what to do next. “Maybe visit the stone park? Looked beautiful enough in the pictures,” you sighed, “What do you think? Your birthday too, ya know?”

The tall man shot a boyish grin your way. “Sounds great--”

“Hey!” The two of you turned your head to look at Dominic, who had trudged towards you in flip-flops. When he bent down to peck your cheek, you made no move whatsoever, internally cringing at the feel of his dirtied lips against your skin.

“And where were you?” you inquired, clearly not pleased with this. He hadn’t even bothered to hide the lingering scent of fruity perfume of the random woman he spent the night with.

Though there was something very much off about him since this isn’t something he would do, you will never excuse his disloyal behaviour.

“Oh, I went to Hallim Park. You seemed busy with the rest of the boys so I decided to leave you in peace.”

You took your glasses off, pretending to be pissed off about him going to a place he didn’t actually visit when it was actually about the secret he was trying to hide from you. “Are you shitting me right now? You promised we’d go there together.”

“I know, but I just needed to clear my head for a bit.” He nervously rubbed the back of his neck, no longer looking you in the eye.

“For the entire night?”

“Yes, for the entire night,” he snapped, instantly irking you even more because how fucking dare he?

Sighing, you got out of the lounge chair you were in, licking you lips to calm you down just a fraction before you stab him in the eye. “You know what?”

Each step you took towards him, he took backwards until he was right at the edge of the pool.

You brought you lips right next to his ear, the faint scent of pineapple lingering on your tongue, spotting the hickey hidden under his neck. You whispered, “fuck you,” before pushing him with ease into the pool to create a massive splash.

With steam coming out of your ears, you stormed away back into the hotel as Mingi lay there, laughing.

“That’s my girl,” San chuckled as he watched the scene unfold. He could tell from the feeling of the argument that you were unhappy about your boyfriend not being home that night.

In fact, when the mafia boss first noticed the way Dominic couldn’t peel his eyes away from one of the other women in the lounge last night, he decided to keep tabs on his movements--and thank god he did, otherwise he wouldn’t have found the great evidence that could pull you two apart and thrust you into his arms.

Hongjoong however, was actually somewhat terrified. “That man was twice the size of her.”

“I know. Feisty little lady.”

The blue-haired man looked at him with so much disgust, watching how he was so enamoured by you and a little turned on. No matter how open San was about what he liked in ‘bedroom matters’ both verbally and (unfortunately) physically, he still couldn’t help how grossed out he was.

“Jesus, keep it in your pants,” he grunted.

“Chin up, Joong,” San sighed, strangely gleeful, “we won’t have to stalk around much longer.”

“No?”

“No,” he smiled, “because she’s back with us to the villa. Tonight.”

☕︎ Tag list: @little-precious-baby​ , @sparklychangbin​ ,

[arvandus]

Congrats on 500 followers! Could I perhaps request 8 from the fluff prompts with Present Mic, but platonic? Like he's the reader's unofficial metaphorical dad and something bad happens to the reader and the prompt line is what he says at the end? Sorry if that's confusing.

Thank you so much!  Ngl, I struggled with this one a bit. I’ve never written for Present Mic before, so this was new territory for me.  Also never written platonic before, which was also a good exercise. Really though, it’s because this was INSTANTLY the idea that had popped into my head with your request, and it WOULD NOT BUDGE.  Normally not a problem, but for some reason, I had the hardest time figuring out how to fit the dialogue prompt into it.  BUT I DID IT!  It only took me.... *checks* 1732 words to get there. 🤣🤣🤣

This makes it my biggest one yet for the 500 Followers Event.  I hope you enjoy it!  It’s a bit angst heavy in the beginning because of the nature of your request, but it does end on a happy note!

8. “You are my family.”

It happened. It actually happened.  You had hoped it wouldn’t, but here you were, sitting on a park bench with nothing but a backpack and a duffle bag.  Your mind replayed the sound of your family’s words in your head.  Harsh, cruel, heartless words.

‘Get out.’

Sure, there was more to it than that, but you didn’t want to dwell on it, to let it fester within you and take root.  There was already more than enough damage tied to their memory, and the last thing you wanted to do was carry it with you. After all, you had enough baggage as it was.

Of course, this was easier said than done. The ache sat heavy in your gut, your heart a black void. Questions flew circles in your mind like crows, questions you’d likely never know the answer to.  They mocked you, pecking at your resolution, tearing at your self-esteem. Tears soaked down your cheeks and you let them fall freely as you wrapped your arms around yourself, struggling to find a strength you weren’t sure you had.

You began to shiver as the cold night air made its way into your jacket.  You couldn’t stay here.  You knew you couldn’t; it wasn’t safe.  You looked at your phone for the tenth time.  A single contact stared back at you.

Hizashi Yamada.

Hizashi was your mentor, your guide… and quite frankly, the closest thing you had to a good father figure.  He’d helped you through your years at UA, both academically and emotionally, giving you the support you’d desperately needed, the support that was painfully absent with your own family.  He treated you kindly and respectfully, taking you under his wing so that you could flourish. He praised you in your successes and guided you through your failures, all while keeping a light heart that constantly reminded you not to take life too seriously.  It set up the foundation for a strong bond between the two of you that continued after graduation.  It was a bond that you still had, ever evolving with occasional check-ins and coffee shop meet-ups, where he often gave you professional and even sometimes fatherly advice.

Fatherly was what you needed right now, more than anything.  He was the only person you really trusted, the only one who knew about your situation. He’d even said for you to call him if you were ever in trouble.

This counted, right?

Still, you hesitated.  You didn’t want to inconvenience him.  And you’d never ever reached out to him in this capacity before.

But you didn’t really have any other choice.

You pressed the call button.

It rang once. Twice.

“Y/N?” His voice answered.  No doubt, your name came up on his phone.

You swallowed.

“Um… Hi, Mr. Hizashi…” you mumbled.

“Hey, kid! You okay?  What’s got you callin’ so late?” he replied.  You could hear the concern underlying his jovial tone, and you clutched your phone tighter to your ear, grateful to know that at least someone out there cared about you.

“I… I need some help.” You said.  “They… they kicked me out.”

There was a silent pause. When he finally spoke, his voice was somber.  “I’ll come get you.  Tell me where you are.”

You thanked him and gave him your location.  He kept you on the phone with him the entire time as he drove over, making you speak to him and describe your surroundings.  Any people who walked by you, specific landmarks, anything he might need to know if trouble arrived before he did.  When you finally saw his headlights pull up into the parking lot of the park, relief flooded you and you nearly ran to his car. He was a sight for sore eyes, his blonde hair pulled back into a casual man bun, his clothing simple.  He stepped out of the driver’s side door to put your things in his trunk before opening his passenger door for you.

“Thank you.” You said as he settled back into the driver’s seat next to you.

“I’m glad you called me.” He replied.

As he drove, he spoke to you.  “You don’t have anywhere to go, do you?” he asked.

Your vision blurred and you shook your head.

“Listen.  I’m going to give you a couple of options for tonight.  I can take you back to my place and you can crash on my couch.  Or, if you’re not comfortable with that, I can reach out Nemuri.  I’m sure she’d understand.”

You were grateful he didn’t offer to put you up in a motel by yourself or take you to a homeless shelter.  The tension in your spine eased slightly.

“Um.. your place, please, if that’s okay…” you mumbled.

You could see relief smooth the creases on his brow and he smiled at you.  “Of course it is.”

You arrived at Hizashi’s home and he helped you carry your things in.  He retreated to his hallway to grab a spare blanket and a pillow and set it up for you on the couch.  You looked at the space curiously, intrigued at his level of preparedness.

Hizashi noticed the questioning look on your face, and chuckled.  “Shouta crashes here sometimes.  Gotta be prepared.”

You gave a small chuckle at the mental picture.

“How about some tea?” Hizashi asked as he disappeared into the kitchen. You could hear the clinking of ceramics and the running of water. “Have ya had anything to eat?” He called out. “Are ya hungry?”

You shook your head, your stomach still twisted in knots. “No, I’m okay…”

“Well, if that changes, feel free to help yourself whenever you want.” He replied.

By this point, the dam of your emotions was beginning to crack, and you sat on the couch with your head in your hands.  You could feel fresh tears filling your eyes, sticking to your lashes.  You blinked at them, letting them fall into your palms.

A few minutes later, Hizashi returned with a cup of hot tea that he handed to you. You took it gratefully and sipped at its contents, letting the warmth coat your throat and fill your stomach.  It helped to slightly ease the knot of anxiety that you felt twisted up inside you.

“I’m so sorry to ask for your help like this.” You muttered. “I’m sure this isn’t what you had in mind when you gave me your number.  I just didn’t have anyone else to turn to.”

“It’s okay.” He replied.  “Like I said, I’m glad you called me.”

“I promise I won’t stay long…” you said.  “I don’t want to inconvenience you.”

“You’ll stay as long as you need to.  I’m not going to let you out back on the street by yourself.” He said sternly.  “I’ll start reaching out to people tomorrow.  I’m sure there are some UA graduates that might be cool with getting a new roommate.”

“Thank you.” You said again.  

Another long silence filled the space as you sipped at your drink.  He quietly sat near you, letting you acclimate to his space and this strange, new situation.  Once the mug was empty, you set it down.

“So… do you want to tell me what happened?” he asked.

You began to recount all that had transpired hours before.  The things your family did, the things they said… You tried to keep the emotions separate from your words, but it was impossible.  Within a matter of minutes, the dam finally burst, and you were openly sobbing.  As you cried, Hizashi offered you a box of tissues and put a comforting hand over yours. You clutched at it in return like a lifeline, his silent consolation tethering the broken pieces of your heart.

“I don’t know what to do now.” You whispered.  “Hizashi… what’s going to happen to me…?”

“It’s okay. We’ll figure it out.  Together.” He replied.

You stared at him and he stared back, a small reassuring smile on his lips.  He was such a good person.  Already, he’d managed to give you more support in the past twenty minutes than you’d received from your family in months.

You gave a sad, ironic laugh.  

“You’re like the dad I wish I had…” you muttered.

Hizashi’s eyes widened for a moment, and panic filled you.  You hadn’t meant to say that; the words had just slipped out, a small confession of tired heart. But then he laughed and scratched the back of his head.

“Haha, really?  Thanks! I guess we have gotten pretty close over the years…”

The tension in the room immediately evaporated.  You gave a small smile, glad that your comment didn’t have the dramatic impact you feared it would.  The man’s positivity seemed as immovable as the mountains.

Hizashi’s chuckles eased, and his expression softened.  “To be honest, I always knew you had family troubles.  When you teach long enough, you start to notice those kinds of things.  And back then, there really wasn’t much I could do about it.  But that’s part of why I wanted to help you, I think.  To give you a chance to grow past that, so it wouldn’t define you.”  

He stared at his hands as he continued.  “I guess, maybe in some way, I did sort of adopt you, in my heart.”  His eyes looked up at you again, holding your attention.  “So, don’t feel bad about saying that, okay?  If anything, it makes this old man’s heart happy.”

Your stared at him, your eyes freshly stinging as new emotions – happy emotions – bubbled forth.

“Hizashi….”

“Yeah?”

“Could I have a hug?”

He gave a chuckle and sat next to you before putting his arm around you. You leaned against him, soaking up the physical contact. It drove away the loneliness and replaced it with something you’d only ever really felt in his presence.

Love, strong and familial.

You had thought that you were all cried out, but you were wrong. Fresh sobs shook from your body like the boughs of a snowy tree, knocking loose all that you’d been carrying within yourself.  The anger, the fear, the self-loathing…

Hizashi rested his chin on your head as you cried. “You are my family.” He said softly.  “Only if you want to be, of course.”

You nodded fervently as a laugh bubbled from your throat, pure joy filling you.  You were safe.  You were loved.  And maybe… just maybe… you were home.

[damonsvftie]

𝒜𝓁𝓌𝒶𝓎𝓈 𝒷𝑒𝑒𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊

Draco Malfoy x reader

MASTERLIST☁️

Warnings: self doubt and I think that’s pretty much it

Note: this is 3.7k+ words. Also if you have any feedback let me know as I’m always trying to improve!¡ also h/n means house name also ngl im kinda proud of this 🖐😌✨

Summary: Draco unexpectedly breaks up with y/n and moves on with his life and now dates Astoria Greengrass but y/n still wants an explanation to why he suddenly dumped her leaving her heart broken but do things ever go back to what they were?

He was slipping out of my hands. I was losing him. I was losing myself. I was losing everything I had ever wanted.

My love for a certain platinum blonde haired boy was unconditional. His voice was delicate and soothing and was certainly music to my ears. His touch made me melt into his beautiful pale and creamy skin while he would caress me tightly but all of it was gone. Everything I had ever wished for was crumbling before me.

Draco Malfoy was no longer with me. After all we had been through it felt like nothing was no longer worth it and it hurt me to see him walking through the corridors with Astoria Greengrass clutching onto him. She was always with him, clinging onto his arm, feeding him in the great hall and now she even had access to his dorm. He promised me no one else would take my spot but at this point I assumed it was all a lie.

—

“You know what? I’m not even mad he ended things with you because he doesn’t deserve you y/n,” mentioned Hermione while you looked across the great hall towards Draco who had Greengrass sat beside him giggling .Me and Hermione had become best friends since our arrival at Hogwarts and she had always stuck by me through thick and thin. Our friendship was an unbreakable bond and i had always shared my thoughts and feelings to her and trusted her more than anyone else.

“Surely I wasn’t deserving enough for him-,” you whispered softly as you played with the plate of ravioli in front of you,piercing thousands of holes into it every now and then.

—

When he left me, he gave no explanation for the sudden breakup. Everything just shattered and I had remembered pleading him while tugging on his arm for clarification while drops of tears streamed down my face. He couldn’t face me, he couldn’t even muster the courage to look into my eyes and tell me he no longer loved me. He harshly moved away from my grasp and walked away leaving me all alone at the top of the astronomy tower. What seemed to hurt me the most was how he confessed his love for me after the Yule ball had ended and now he had dumped me in the same exact spot . Was I not good enough for him? Was he deserving of someone else? I wanted him badly to come running back to me telling me it was a joke of some sort. I wanted to wake up and pretend everything that had happened was just a nightmare but it was real. He was really gone.

—

The next day after lunch I made my way to my favourite tree. I would normally

sit by it and read the muggle stories I owned or just catch up on some work. I held precious memories here. I remember the first time me and Draco actually spoke to one another it was under the same exact tree only except after a few days I would read him stories like Alice in Wonderland or Jekyll and Hyde which he would thoroughly enjoy by sitting in one of the trees branches while munching onto an apple listening to the words that would come out of my mouth. He never really understood my thirst for reading muggle books. When I had first read them to him he was acting as if it was some sort of crime but once the stories got into depth he eased a bit and understood why I adored reading and it was all because I could get lost into my own imagination.

When I had reached the tree I couldn’t seem to believe my eyes. Under the tree laid Astoria’s head on Draco’s lap as he hesitantly stroked her hair almost looking a bit uncomfortable. I felt my eyes starting to well up and my vision instantly turned blurry. A pain in my chest made it seem as if my heart had been torn into millions of pieces. I stood there slightly trembling and took a step back. To my surprise my foot crunched under a pile of twigs and branches disturbing the two as Draco and his girlfriend looked up at me. He pushed Greengrass of him and scrambled up as if he were about to say something but Astoria tugged on his arm while glaring at me darkly and I decided to run back to my dorm. He really had replaced me.

—

“You should talk to him,” explained Hermione.I had told her everything from the way he made me feel and how uneasy I would feel whenever Astoria would be beside him. “If I’m being honest he really did downgrade,” added Ron while he took a bite out of his sandwich.

“I-i can’t, I just know he’ll try to avoid me,” i mumbled.

“You really think that? Weren’t you the one who said that he pushed Greengrass off him when he saw you?” Mentioned Harry sarcastically as he put the daily prophet down.

“But that doesn’t mean he wants to talk to me, I bet he doesn’t even care about my existence,” I groaned while i glanced at all three of them while Harry had a smug expression painted across his face.”let’s test that theory shall we?” .You knew he had some type of plan.

__

“Malfoy, theres a letter that’s addressed to you,” spoke Crabbe as he took the letter between the beautiful white owl’s beak. Draco snatched the letter out of his hand and opened it:

Malfoy,

Meet me at the astronomy tower tonight at 12. This is extremely important, it’s about y/l/n. Her life is in danger.

Harry,

Draco read the letter, while his thoughts circled his head.His two minions, Crabbe and Goyle, tried peering over him to take a look at what was written.His heart started beating at a quicker pace and he was worried sick about you.He hastily shoved the letter back into it’s envelope.”What does it say Malfoy?” Asked Goyle curiously.

“It’s none of your business,” he snapped back.He didn’t want to put you into any type of danger because he still cared. He couldn’t bear seeing you hurt because he still loved you. However not everything was what it seemed.

—

“Harry I don’t want to start any trouble-,” I muttered before getting cut off.

“Come on y/n, tonight we’ll find out if he’s still in love with you,” interrupted Ron.

Hermione placed her hand on mine, almost as if she was trying to reassure me that everything would be okay. Harry’s owl came swooping through the gryffindor common rooms half open window as Hedwig plopped himself onto his owners shoulder while Harry stroked its feathers.

“He’s got the letter, now we just have to see if he turns up,” explained Harry as he looked at me flashing me a confident smile. I returned one back but something inside me made my stomach churn. What if Draco didn’t turn up. What if he didn’t really care about me and what if he was happy with Astoria. I had so many questions.

__

The clock striked twelve, and I cautiously made my way to the astronomy tower making sure no one saw me out of bed after curfew. I was still in my h/n uniform shivering as I had left my robe in the common room. Once I got there I gazed at the stars hoping that Draco would come. I still wanted him to care for me, to love me but as time ticked by I stood there reconsidering everything. I had made a fool out of myself by showing up, I should have known better. He had moved on and I should have too. I was about to leave when I heard a familiar voice. “What are you doing here?” Questioned Draco. I had turned around to see him although he was a few metres away from me. I couldn’t quite make out his expressions. “I thought I was here to meet Potter not you,” he snarled. If I was being honest his words cut me deep leaving a wound that wouldn’t ever be healed. He really seemed as if he didn’t want to see me but I still had hope.

He turned around and almost started walking away but I had stopped him. “ if you didn’t care about me you wouldn’t have showed up,” my voice slightly broke towards the end. Ever so slowly I had made my way towards him hesitantly placing my hand on his shoulder. He glanced back at me not fully turning but his expression seemed to ease down a bit. “ Draco, I know it was wrong but I just wanted to talk-,” I felt my eyes tearing up but I quickly wiped them away.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” he answered back.

“Yes there is, why did you dump me? Do you realise how much it hurts to see you and Greengrass in the hallways! do you realise what you put me thr-,” I started to raise my voice while I vented at him before he cut me off.

“What I put you through?! I had no choice y/n. Don’t you think it didn’t hurt me when I left you?!” He had never spoken to me like that before.

“I just want my answers Draco, why? Why did you do this? Why did you end ‘us’?,” I whispered as I tried fighting back my tears but I couldn’t. He turned around now facing me completely. He seemed nervous as if he didn’t know how to break the news to me but he knew he had to, he knew he couldn’t keep me in the dark like that.

“Because... because I’m marrying Astoria,”

I covered my mouth with my hand trying to muffle my cries that tried to escape, stumbling backwards from him. He had never seen me so devastated and it really showed. I could tell he wanted to comfort me but he couldn’t. It would have been wrong.

My sobs started to get worse and Draco had noticed. “Y/n I need you to calm down.. please,”. The tone in his voice was soft like butter and I couldn’t help but listen to him. Hesitantly I pulled him in for a tight hug I could tell from his body language that he didn’t expect me to do that. He didn’t hug me back although it felt like his hand was hovering against my back almost as if he wanted to but couldn’t. I pulled away from him patting my tears dry while I shivered in the cold. I could have sworn that the tension in the air could have been cut with a knife. The next thing I knew, Draco took of his slytherin robe and covered me with it to stop me from shaking. “ I thought maybe you would need it,” he stammered. I crossed my arms looking down at the ground.

“Why are you marrying her?” I questioned while I furrowed my brows together.

“It isn’t my choice y/n, my father wants me to marry her because she’s a pureblood,” he responded while he looked at you with blurry eyes. You knew that his parents wouldn’t have ever approved of you, well mostly Lucius. He had despised you since the day you walked into the Malfoy Manor after finding out you were a mudblood.

“You should have told me, we could have worked this out, we could have done som-,”

“THERES NOTHING WE CAN DO ABOUT IT!” He sneered as he quickly scuttled away leaving me alone at the top of the tower.

__

The winter break was here and you were returning home for the holidays.

Every night since my return at home i couldn’t help but think about him. I started to become restless and i wished for the holidays to come to an end quickly so that I could see him again but what was the point? He was happy with Astoria and I would eventually move on from him sooner or later but I still had faith.

__

When the Winter breaks had ended we were returned back to Hogwarts.

I remember when I had reached my dorm I started unpacking all my luggage when I found Draco’s robe inside my suitcase. I clutched onto it tightly while running my hand over the soft fabric inhaling his sweet scent that consisted of citrus and mint. Everything felt wrong. I had to give his robe back to him although he would have bought a new one but I still had to. I no longer meant anything to him.

—

The first class of the new semester was defense against the dark arts which was taught by Umbridge. Everyone seemed to loathe her apart from a bunch of kids who became a part of her clan. Unsuprisingly Malfoy was one of them.

I couldn’t help but stare across the room at him. He was just so beautiful. His prominent, sharp jawline could have easily cut whoever’s fingers glided across it and his magnificent blonde hair had grown a tiny bit compared to last year. I had sat there just admiring him from a distance when he seemed to notice when he had turned around to talk to Goyle. Our eyes had met until I pulled away quickly. I couldn’t do that to him since everything was over but I still yearned for him.

—

“I’m so sorry y/n, we didn’t expect Malfoy to react like that,” explained Hermione when you had told the trio everything that had happened before the winter break.

“I can’t believe he’s marrying her, out of all people he chooses Greengrass,” muttered Ron while he took a sip out of his cup.

“It’s not his choice Ron,” I mumbled under my breath just loud enough for him to hear .

“Are you going to give him his robe back?” Questioned Harry while he glanced at me with a weak smile.

“I suppose so, it doesn’t belong to me anymore,” I sighed while letting a shaky breathe out.

I could see from across the great hall, that he was staring at me until I had noticed. He quickly shifted his attention to Astoria while she rested her head on his shoulder. She was starting to infuriate me.

—

We were going to Hogsmeade today and unfortunately Harry couldn’t come because he couldn’t get permission to go on the trip or I could have hung out with him there. “Harry I’ll get you something from there,” I mentioned kindly with a small smile across my face. He simply nodded with a small smile and then left.

I thought it would be best if I left Ron and Hermione alone since I didn’t want to be the 3rd wheel besides I wanted to explore Hogsmeade alone and get all the heavy feelings of my chest and for once be carefree.

Once I had finished exploring all of Hogsmeade I decided to go to Honydukes to buy some candy for Harry since I knew he absolutely loved lemon Sherbets and well I had promised him I would bring him something back.

I went into the shop searching around for lemon sherbets and looking at the different types of candies in the glass jars until I saw Draco. Obviously he was with Astoria. My heart did a quick jump in my chest and I just froze. “What is she doing here?” Groaned Astoria. Draco just stared at me and then looked towards the ground. I could feel my hands starting to become clammy and a few drops of tears spilled down my face. “I see you EVERYWHERE, don’t you realise that things have ended between you and Draco? He’s MINE not YOURS,” sneered Greengrass. I quickly sprinted my way out of the shop while Draco was going to run after me but she had pulled him back from doing so.

—

The next day in the great hall, I hid my head in my hands silently wheeping trying not to cause a commotion while Hermione rubbed my back in circles. “You should have stuck with us,” spoke Hermione while Ron nodded along agreeing with her.

“If i were there I-“ Harry started but got cut off when Hermione silently shook her head slowly, almost telling him to stop rambling on.”i-i need to go.. I’ll be back,” I stuttered.

I went to my dorm and grabbed Draco’s old robe and hurried back into the great hall. I was striding towards him furiously while everyones attention was drawn on me. The next thing I knew Astoria and him both looked at me astonished as I threw his robe in his face.”thought this belonged to you,” i whispered while my voice cracked and off I stormed back to my dorm.

I could hear everyone in the great hall talking about the commotion I had just caused while I ran through the corridoors.

—

The next day was a ordinary Monday, Draco had promised to meet Astoria at lunch and then they would supposedly spend some time together. Lunch was intimidating for me. The buzz about all the drama that had happened yesterday was still news to everyone. People gave me sly looks from across the hall and others were concerned or confused.

Draco would give me small glances then look away just in case I saw. In my heart I still felt as if he wanted me but I wasn’t so sure. It had been a long period of time and it felt as if the 2 were starting to become closer than ever.

—

After lunch Astoria and Draco were walking the hogwarts grounds. She practically forced him to drape his robe around her. Greengrass was very touchy and there were moments that made him uncomfortable and he would slightly move out of her grasp.

“I don’t understand why y/l/n always has to come between us,” she muttered. Draco stopped walking and looked her in the eye.

“I don’t understand why you hate her so much, what has she ever done to you?” He snarled. Certainly Astoria never expected Draco to ever defend you like that, after all what were you to him?

“Draco, what are you saying?” She questioned while her cheeks turned a tint of red in embarrassment. He took a few steps towards her until the gap between them closed. He seemed agitated while he clenched his fists tightly.

“I’ve never wanted to marry you,” he snapped. Astorias heart started beating rapidly at this point he was scaring her.”Its never been you, it’s always been her,” he sneered as he snatched his cloak away from her body leaving her shivering in the snow.

—

I was at the top of the astronomy tower, lunch had just finished but since it was still winter season the sky has turned dark in the evening. I looked up at the sky admiring the beautiful colours above. This was my favourite spot to relax. A place for me to escape all of my worries and concerns. Everything that had been happening felt like a nightmare that wouldn’t stop haunting me. If I was being honest I had wished that Draco would be beside me, vibing into the moment like we use to but all of that was gone. I started to shiver slightly as I was only in my uniform and I had again left my robe inside thinking that I would be in all day. Turns out I was wrong after all.

Suddenly someone covered me with their robe. It smelt familiar, like mint and citrus fruit and it’s aroma was sweet with a hint of bitterness. “Thought this belonged to you,” uttered the voice softly under its breath. I slowly turned around to face the person when I saw Draco stood behind me.

To my surprise he gave me tight hug lifting me off the ground since he’s way taller than I am. The hug was different. He didn’t seem to hesitate and it seemed confident like he thoroughly wanted to. He held me there almost cradling me until I slightly wriggled out of his grasp. “Malfoy What is wrong with y-,”. He immediately went in for a kiss. It wasn’t anything extra just a peck on the lips until I pulled away from him. “Draco we can’t do this,” I spoke while my cheeks blushed.

“why can’t we?,” he asked while he pulled me back moving me closer towards him. He was acting totally weird as if he suddenly forgot that he was going to be marrying Astoria. “I think you’ve forgot that your marrying Greengrass,” I sighed after letting a deep breathe out. He seemed to loosen his grip and that managed to create a one metre distance between the two of us. He scratched the back of his head while I crossed my arms trying to avoid eye contact.

“Yeah um.. about that, I don’t want to marry her,” he spoke.

“What do you mean?” I asked hastily.

“Look I know after all that we’ve been through it was wrong for me to leave you like that with any sort of explanation and i just want you to know I’m- im sorry. I don’t care what my father has to say about the two of us. it’s never been her... it’s always been you,” he confessed. I stared into his beautiful eyes and I could tell he really meant what he said. The same Draco Malfoy has apologised for everything he had done and he was even ready to fight against his own father. On my tiptoes I caressed his alluring face with both of my hands as I pulled him down a bit until our lips grazed against each other. The next thing I knew his lips were on mine while one of my hands found their way to his head, softly tugging on the bottom of his platinum blonde hair while his arm slithered across my waist pulling me closer to him till no space was left between us. Pulling away panting slightly I smiled widely. Everything had gone back to what it was and I couldn’t have been more elated. “It’s always been you,” he whispered.

[obliviouspoptart]

ngl, the more i watch house, the more i hate how everyone treats him

not in the “he’s an asshole, treat him like an asshole” way bc that’s deserved and honestly why i love him as a character

but everything else. he uses vicodin bc he has constant chronic pain that will never fade and never get better. everyone says he should be able to live life without medication and be fine! let’s force him into widthdrawals because we’ll feel better about a chronic pain patient not having to “rely” on medicine to live!

bc fucking personally, as a chronic pain patient, fuck you. do i use opioids to live a normal life? no, and i feel very lucky that all i have to do is slowly destroy my liver with nsaids to survive bc that’s a more “acceptable” medicine and even still some people will tell me “yoga” or “eating healthy” or fucking “healing crystals” will cure my arthritis that will never ever go away. if those things work for you, i am so happy, i wish you all the best and hope it keeps working for you, but it doesn’t work for me. and other medicine can’t work for house. and i am always very mad that every single able-bodied person in this show thinks his need of the medicine is a problem that needs to be fixed bc once he’s not addicted he’ll be magically healed!! or something because they really don’t actually consider his very real and very never going away or even getting slightly better pain outside of his addiction to vicodine.

another thing i hate, probably more than the abled characters telling house what is and isn’t acceptable for a disabled chronic pain patient to do, which is surprising considering how much i dislike it, is how they treat house’s relationship to his parents, specifically his dad. his dad is abusive. full stop. there’s nothing fucking redeeming about that man in any plot point in the show. he’s just straight up abusive. no real explanation, besides house was a rebellious kid and his dad was the typical Military Father™. like, he made house take ice water baths and sleep outside in the cold when he misbehaved. his dad spoke to him solely through typed notes for TWO MONTHS. WHEN HE WAS 12. house didn’t get to eat dinner if he was two minutes late (that’s a direct quote btw). and still, the very few people he considers friends try to force him to still forgive his dad and feel bad when his dad is dying and when he does die. like, no, fuck that. you should never, ever force someone with abusive parents to forgive them or mourn them. that should be their decision. but no, you literally drug house with a sedative to force him to go to his dad’s funeral! that’s beyond fucked up! like house does morally ambiguous things in this show for the sake of saving patients (and being an ass) but sedating a friend to force them to go to an extremely emotionally traumatizing event by use of sedation and kidnapping when he said he didn’t want to go is. i am so mad for house.

should house try and seek closure and come to terms with his extreme childhood abuse at the hands of his father? yes. obviously. house is fucked up from his childhood, he’s admitted that most of his emotional dysfunction is due to his parents’ abuse. which is a lot for house to admit, lbr. he literally cannot accept praise, and it’s always shoved off by him being an asshole, but he cannot accept praise. that’s textbook childhood abuse, esp emotional abuse! it cannot get more textbook than that! and they are forcing him to face probably the most traumatizing time in his life because they think they know what he needs. and considering everything else they “do for him” in this show, they don’t know shit.

i am just. look. i know house is an asshole. he’s meant to be an asshole. he doesn’t always make the good or right choice. he’d be knee-deep in about 5000 lawsuits if he were a real doctor and no one would actually want him as their doctor because of the risks he takes and how often he plays god thinking he’s right. he’s a plain asshole, and he needs wilson more than wilson needs him, but still does everything in his power to drive him away, short of actual evil things. but his needs are also constantly ignored by his friends bc they “know better” obviously. idk where i’m going with this but i am infuriated by how wilson and cuddy treat house and his personal issues, bc they forget he is still a person inside his shield of assholery. and they let him being an ass get in the way of actually doing the right thing by him, constantly, in every major house-centric character arc. that’s it. the whole post is just bc i am upset for house and, honestly, unpopular opinion, house deserved better.

thanks for coming to my ted talk

[thatweeboverthereisthirsty]

Ask Blooper Fic/JamilxKalim Angst and slight jealousy

Ok ngl I started this fic in response to a Possessive!Jamil x Kalim ask but read the ask wrong and started writing Kalim as the possessive one (as best I could cause he’s a softie) then half way through I realised my mistake so I took a completely different route and put angst instead because that’s all I seem to do recently. Nevertheless enjoy and Anon that requested the Possessive!Jamil x Kalim fic, I’m sorry I messed up. The correct fic with your ask is coming.

And yes, I still don’t know how to properly end a fic. (Just pretend I do, lol)

I wanted to be with you

 Parties were a large part of Kalim’s life. As the son and heir of a wealthy family with extremely high status it was normal for the teen to attend parties all the time. So he had become quite accustomed to socializing and being the center of attention. The sweet boy never realised that when he attended parties, his personal servant and in his mind, best friend, Jamil would never dress up or speak to anyone besides him. Despite never seeing Jamil as a servant in the back of his mind it was always apparent that they were different in many ways. Of course being preoccupied with a party his easily distracted brain often forgot that Jamil would follow him, but never too close, and make sure he didn’t trip, or would retrieve things for him at any time Kalim asked. Never had the white haired boy realised that before he was allowed to touch any of the food on his plate, Jamil would yet again put his life on the line and test all the foods for poison. He was so oblivious to these things growing up that he was surprised when they finally had the chance to attend a party together as equals.

   Across the room stood Jamil, dressed in a stylish outfit with arabian accents that expressed his homeland well. He also wore gold pieces of jewelry that Kalim had never seen before. They went well with his round gold earrings which sparkled in the right light. His eyelids were painted in a dark bronze that faded as it travelled higher and his eyeliner made his dark eyes seem slightly more almond shaped, which gave them a mature, sexy appearance. In all he was gorgeous in a way that Kalim had never seen him, despite spending nearly his entire life with the teen. 

   Other people obviously noticed these good looks as well cause they flocked to him and spoke in ways that would make them appear more attractive to the listener. All night long women and men from every school that attended the dance jumped at any chance to spend time with the attractive young man. As a consequence Kalim was left alone to navigate the large room himself. Normally he would thrive under these types of conditions but without his friend and, regrettably, servant by his side the eccentric teen felt a bit more vulnerable than he was used to. 

   People still approached Kalim with interest since he didn’t look half bad himself. He never did, Jamil wouldn’t allow that to happen. Since day one he always got Kalim ready for the day and its events no matter what they may be. Kalim always looked amazing when he was done and Jamil would settle with appearing mediocre for the sake of rules and the lack of time he had to pay attention to himself. Kalim felt a pang of guilt as he remembered how obliviously he had stolen away Jamil’s childhood with his own wants and needs. He had ruined his friend's life simply because he didn’t know how to put on his own clothes. That had all been changed though, Kalim thought with reignited joy, because he let Jamil be free. He would learn how to get dressed on his own, bathe on his own, cook his own food, even tie shoes! He had already started to improve, deciding to put on his own clothes and makeup for the party so Jamil could dress up on his own. It wasn’t easy though, Kalim recalled with a sigh.

   The brush and palette of black paint felt awkward in his hands as Kalim attempted to apply a reasonable amount of eyeliner to his face. “Ouch!” The brush slipped again and slid across his eye. Dropping the brush and palette Kalim clutched his irritated eye and hissed as it started to sting. He pulled his hands away from his eye and looked down at the palette which now lay broken on the floor. Tears slipped down his cheek on one side to clear his sight, but it only succeeded on smudging more makeup into the delicate pupil. He stood and approached the mirror slowly. Taking in his appearance, Kalim felt a jolt of frustration. Why wasn’t this easy for him like it was for everyone else? How come he couldn’t get his shirt to button properly or his wrap to lay correctly on his head? Why wasn’t putting on makeup as simple as painting?

   In the end he had to ask for outside help from a fellow student who often helped Jamil when he needed it. It was almost shameful how he couldn’t do anything at all by himself, but at least his former servant had been allowed to give himself the attention he deserved. 

   Kalim sighed and shook his head to clear the thoughts about their recent dynamic change. Deciding he needed something to eat, he approached the buffet table and gazed at his options with excitement. Food from the land of the hot sands was always good and comforting, but occasionally switching things up sparked excitement at the new discovery. He chose a heavily seasoned meat dish, which he assumed came from the Afterglow Savannah. He munched thoughtfully and eyed the room around him once again to take in his busy surroundings, or at least that’s what he told himself. In truth the young heir’s eyes searched for one thing in the crowd and paused when they found what they were looking for. 

   The brunette stood in the middle of a small group laughing at something a pretty red haired girl said. It was unusual to see so much happiness on his face, or it was something that Jamil didn’t show Kalim very often. He felt a strange emotion bubble up within him. It wasn’t something he had never felt before but it was so rare that it was hard to place exactly what the emotion was. Scrunching his brows together he looked down at his food. Suddenly he didn’t feel hungry anymore. Still he placed more food in his mouth. The taste was no longer as flavorful as it was the first time. He frowned but kept eating. It distracted him from that feeling so it was worth it. When he finished his food he threw the plate away and tried to start up conversation with a few of the people around him. None of the usual starters worked however and Kalim found himself alone yet again.

   Only then did he spot Jamil and the girl again. They were dancing together while talking and laughing. His hands on her hips and hers around his neck. They looked so happy together that Kalim almost felt guilty for wishing that it was him Jamil was dancing with instead. Kalim watched as the girl leaned up and whispered something in the brunette's ear. She pulled away giggling and he responded by pulling her close and whispering something back. Suddenly Kalim felt like the walls were closing in on him. Everyone was too close and he felt dizzy.

   He weaved through the crowd trying to find an exit. The room was hot and the windows were fogged with the contrast of the cool night air and sweaty teenager body heat. When he finally found a way out he made a break for it and ran to the hall of dorm mirrors. Stopping only for a fraction of a second Kalim quickly found the Scarabia mirror and stepped through. His body quickly adjusted to the sweltering heat that the Scarabia dorm’s environment consisted of and ran through the dorm as fast as he could. The entrance to his room never looked so inviting before. He pulled himself inside and shut and locked the door behind him. He entered his private bathroom and did the same thing.

   Tears came hot and fast as his body shook with sobs. Kalim collapsed to his knees and wrapped his arms around himself in a feeble attempt to calm himself. Whether it was from the running or emotions Kalim felt nauseous. Why was this happening to him? Had he not been good enough? Jamil had promised that he didn’t hate Kalim and never did. He also promised he would never leave him. All those kisses, hugs, and I love you’s. Were they just lies? Of course they were. He thought bitterly. He should have known that this ‘relationship’ they had was just another way for Kalim to guilt trip Jamil into staying. Would he ever learn? Even after all that happened he still hadn’t allowed his former servant the freedom he wanted. If Kalim thought he felt sick before he definitely felt worse now.

   “Kalim? Kalim! Hey Kalim, open the door.” Jamil’s voice filtered into the bathroom and Kalim held his breath. “Kalim I know you’re in there. Please open the door so I can make sure you’re ok.” He didn’t respond. There was silence for a moment before Kalim picked up the faint sounds of footsteps leaving his door. The teen sighed and leaned his head back against the wall. He shouldn’t have left so suddenly, then Jamil would still be enjoying himself at the party instead of here worrying about him. The sound of keys in a lock snapped Kalim to attention. He had forgotten that as his assigned caretaker Jamil would have the keys to his room and bathroom. He heard his door swing open and Jamil call out to him again. “Kalim! Kalim? Are you alright? Answer me.” The panicked tone of his voice suggested that he had no idea if Kalim was ok or not. The keys jangled again and Kalim watched as the bathroom door opened.

   “Kalim? What are you doing? What happened to you? Why did you leave without telling me? Do you not feel well? Please tell me you didn’t eat any food that I didn’t taste first?” Jamil knelt down in front of the white haired boy and continued his long list of questions. “No.” Jamil stopped speaking and frowned. “No nothing happened and it’s not the food. I’m fine so you should stop worrying about me and go back to that girl you were hanging out with earlier. It would be a shame if you wasted your night on me.” There was no bitterness in Kalim’s voice, only sadness. “Kalim,” Jamil said quietly, “if this is about that girl I can tell you that we were only dancing to get your attention.” Kalim looked up in surprise. “I know you were making an effort to give me more freedom so I didn’t want to babysit you cause I knew you would get upset that I wasn’t giving myself the freedom I deserved, but the truth is, I wanted to be next to you. I wanted to be at that party with you so when I caught you looking at me with jealousy I thought that maybe I could push you to come to me, but it didn’t work and I’m so sorry.”

   Kalim stared down at the floor and tried to process what Jamil said. He was just dancing with her to make him notice. Cause he wanted Kalim to come to him and be with him. “So,” Kalim looked up again with watery eyes, “I make you happy. You want to be with me, I’m not just forcing-” “NO.” Jamil cut Kalim off with a shout but started again quietly when he saw that he had startled the smaller boy. “No. You aren’t pushing this relationship on me. I want to be here cause I love you Kalim Al Asim. Because you make me happy in a way no one else can.” He leaned forward and pressed his lips lightly against Kalims, who in return smiled. “I’ll always love you. Nothing can change that, and there is no way I would ever leave you. No matter how amazing the other person seems, you are always gonna be better.” Kalim lowered his knees and allowed himself to be brought into a comforting hug. “I love you too” He whispered quietly before burying his face in Jamil’s neck. The brunette smiled fondly at the bundle of Kalim that laid against him. It was a smile that no one but Kalim would ever receive. It was one that was made of more than happiness.