#i’m not okay! and i don’t knwo when the fuck i will be!

[voulezloux]

current mood: butters from south park saying kill john lennon

[cherry1sblog]

PART 2

PAIRING: Lee heeseung × fem!reader . a

GENRES:smut, fluff, bullying, alcohol,party,unprotect ed sex (rember to wrap your Willy so the out come won't be silly

WARNINGS there is bullying in this heeseung is basically a dick to y/n and nothing in this story is real!!! This is fan fiction and the way I write about heeseung is not the way I portray him as he's a person himself this is simply for entertainment only !!

SUMMARY:heeseung had always bullied you through your 3 years of Highschool but never let anyone touch you other then him and if he found out someone did that was the end of it you were basically marked as his toy that's until the summer of your junior year you had enough you were done with him always making fun of you and you hated the fact that after all he did I to you you still adored him and liked him but it dosent matter cause you wanted to leave your senior year with a banger so you were no longer your nerdy self still smart asf obvi but appearance wise different you got contacts new clothes thank god you guys didn't have a dress code and most importantly you spent all summer learning how to do your makeup..

RECAP….

y/n and sunghoon on the couch asleep "holy shit heeseung hyung is not gonna be happy" jungwon picked you up and ran with you on his back you being confused when jungwon locked his door and threw you on the bed *WHAT TH-

" jungwon covers your mouth muffling your yelling until you stoped "shut the fuck up unless you want to make heeseung hyung and sunghoon hyung hate eachother more right now " honestly you couldn't give a fuck less and if this made heeseung miserable then you had every reason not to care " why should I care on fact I actually don't mind going back ou " jungwon grabed your hand pinning you on the wall wtf is it with everyone pinning you on the wall " look I know heeseung hyung did fucked up shit and I know it's fucked up we didn't do anything but we all grow from our mistakes and plus now your like hot so please just shut the fuck up and well stay in here

————————————————————-

/the next day after all that//

You got home after sometime of being stuck with jungwon you were honestly so feed up with everthing at that point but being stuck with jungwon wasn’t too bad you got to knwo him actually as a person and the way he talked about heeseung made you actually see there is a diffrent side to heeseung getting lost in your thoughts you didn’t know that chu was talking to you “oh sorry chu I just have a lot on my mind rn” she looked at you with a smirk confused you looked at her “I bet you are having a lot on you mind scince you slept with Sunghoon “ afraid someone would hear you covers her mouth “chu first of all we did not sleep together second of all please don’t say that” you wind to her “okay oaky I’m sorry “ she wisperd “ but if you guys didn’t fuck what did you do “ obviously her not buying it “well I mean we actually just watched a movie “ chu was in disbelief “you telling me you spent that night at his house and didn’t fuck!” “Omg shut up chu “everyone now staring at you and her apologizing “speak of the devil” you turned around confused at chu it was heeseung jake and sunoo sunoo smiled happyily at you giving you a hug sunoo was normally like this even when people were rude to you he made really nice gestures making you at least happy one person back then didn’t totally hate you “hi y/nnieeee” avoiding heeseungs contact a bit embarrassed from What hapoend the last time you guys spoke “didn’t know you had a nickname other than doll y/n “ sunoo smacked his shoulder “cmon now hyung don’t be a dick”sunoo said defending you “what ever “ heeseung said walking away sunoo being left behind “oh btw y/n I was wondering if I could get your help with something “ nodding at him curios to what he could need your help with “I know you and heeseung aren’t best of buds but cause you help me plan his birthday par-“ you stopped him “hell no sunoo” “why not th-“ you get it that sunoos action didn’t mean to hurt you but why would you do anything to help him “please y/nnie “ sunoo made it so hard to say no “your lucky your pretty “ sunoo smiled happily “okay well I’m his party is next week and all of the boys are pitching in and I need your help with decorations “ nodding but you didn’t want heeseung to know you helped cause that would cause problems “sunoo just don’t tell heeseung I’m helping you plan this “ nodding and not questiong you “oh and chu would you mind going with Jake the day of to get drinks “ you could see chus eyes light up in mention of jake “ofc!” Sunoo thanked you guys and had left

//2 days later//

“Okay sunoo so we have all the Ballons ordered and the banners nikis and jungwon and gonna pick up the cakes Sunghoon sunoo getting all the food so we’re set “ being so tired staying up late at night to plan more things for heeseungs party even tho as much as you hated him you still put a lot of time in this for no reason you couldn’t exactly pin point why you were putting so much thought in it being worried he wouldn’t be happy with it…. anyways back to sunoo “yes everything looks perfect !” Being happy everything was set in place for Saturday “wait y/n have you chosen your outfit yet “ omg after picking out everything and setting it all up for heeseungs party you completely forgot to buy and outfit with only 1 day left before the party “oh shit” sunoo being confused “what’s wrong?omg you didn’t chose one out yet did you” you shook your head “okay well you should have some time tommorw right I can go shopping with you” you thanked that sunoo even reminded you or it would have been so bad “your a life savor sunoo ilysm “

//The next day//

Sunoo arrived at the mall but not alone he came with sunghoon you hadn’t talk scince that day so you too were a bit awkward sunghoon just standing there as sunoo ran up to hug you “sunghoon hyung are you broken” laughing a bit at what sunoo had said “what no” sunghoon being defensive you ended up greeting him by just waving as he waved back “okay!let’s go shopping “

You guys had gon into a dress store to find a dress for the party you wanted somthing simple not to much it still being a little awkward beetween you and sunghoon but you guys lightens the mood by just saying some jokes sunoo had handed you a dress scince you weren’t liking any that you chose and sunoo really had an eye for clothes showing them the white dress sunoo had chosen for you his and sunghoon mouth hanging open “y/n I think you broke sunghoon” you both started laughing as sunghoon was a bit embarrassed but you knew that this was the dress you were gonna chose

//DAY OF PARTTYYYYY//

After you and sunoo had spent all night and the morning of the party decorating at jakes house you finally had to go home and change tha fully the party was supposed to be a Suprise so you didn’t have to worry about heeseung seeing you…”hey y/n “ nudging you head at chu “what up “ she seemed like she was being held back by the question “e-even tho heeseung bullied you and none of his freinds did anything to stop him why are you still nice to them “ you yourself didn’t fully understand but as much as you say you hated heeseung you really well didn’t how could you hate him from the moment you saw him in middle school till now you could never get over his Bambi like eyes and you’ll never forget the first encounter you had with him either heeseung was super nice the first time you had met him he had accidently number into you the first day of 6th grade helping you pick up everything and apologizing but reassuring him that it was okay every year from that money on you guys always had the same class but 6th grade heeseung was much diffrent then heeseung now “I’m not really sure chu but I know that I don’t hate them and I can’t really blame the boys either at times they would tell heeseung he was doing to much or that it was enough and I thanked them for that it was never there fault “ nodding chus head understating you now and feeling simpathy for you “but chu that’s not important right now cause we’re gonna go party!”

//at the party //

Beomgyu had driven all of you to the party you walked in thrue the door and you were so proud of the decorations and that everyone loved them “holy shit y/n “ beomgyu said “I need you to be my party planner cause damn “ giggling you made your way to find the rest of the boys leaving you freind for a bit instead you ran into heeseung you rolled your eyes as he starred at you “cmon doll you can’t be rude to the birthday boy “ he walked closer to you “what ever happy birthday tho ig “ he just nodded surprised you said happy birthday to him at all jake and sunoo seeing you and going up to you and heeseung “y/nnieee!!” You hugged sunoo and Jake “do want a drink y/n? Chu got a pack of beer that you like” you nodded pushing thrue the crowed to go get a drink getting déjà vu as you saw sunghoon agian in the same place as last time “oh hey y/n” Sunghoon seeming a bit tipsy already “hey hoon are you drunk?” He shook his head “no not drunk but what ever you do do not drink jays punch” “noted” you said as you guys laughed he passed you a beer as “are you enjoying the party so far” he asked you saying it to you ear as the music was too loud nodding to him “do you wanna go dance?” You asked him being a flustered but agreeing as you two were dancing you had made eye contact with heeseung but he didn’t look away you were in a trans you didn’t even realize sunghoon was talking to you till you felt him pat hour back “hey are you okay?” He asked a bit concerned “yeah I’m good “you said as you look back to heeseungs spot as he smirked and left with a girl sunghoon noticed and looked in the same direction “don’t worry about heeseung “ he told you “I’m not dont worry” you saw him smile as you to continued dancing

//later in the party//

You saw heeseung with a girl making out you were staring so hard you were sure they’d be able to feel u you “yo y/n “Jake was talking to you now “you seem a bit to munch into heeseung making out with other girls “slaping jake for making that remark as he laughed “shut up Jake “ you rolled your eyes beomgyu laughing at his joke “ you two are so immature “ soobin added “I can’t belive you choosing sides “ “Jake hee not choosing sides he just has a brain” now you were laughing but still going back to heeseung every now n then but this time was different heeseung made eye contact with you and you had gotten flustered going outside on the balcony for some fresh air you were two into you thoughts you didn’t know heeseung standing behind you “you know y/n if you wanted to keep watching you should have tooken a picture “ being scared as he talked in you ear grabbing you wait being flustered at his comment and his gestures “what’s wrong doll you always have so much to say “ you turned around just to be caged into him “heeseung go away “ he tilted his head “why you don’t like this “ he came close to you neck sucking on your skin moving your neck to let him have more access but you knew it was wrong “no I’m not gonna be one of your quick fuckes “ you said as you pushed him back you could tell he was a bit drunk “why cause I’m not sunghoon? Are you now to good for anyone” you were a bit confused on why that even mattered “yk what heeseung you seem a bit drunk so I’m just gonna g-“ he grabed your arm and tugged you back the drink he had placed before down before he had it in his other hand but it got on your dress he himself was a bit upset he had gotten it on you dress and by now you were furios “why do you hate me so much! What have I ever done to you for you to hate me you can’t just fuck with my feelings heeseung” he was taken aback by your question “yk heeseung Even after all the times you hurt me I never hated you but you always hated me and still do I don’t know what I did but I don’t think I even deserve this “ tears coming in your eyes now he could see them even tho it was dark he get bad now “y/n I-“ “no heeseung save it I’m done with you bull shit have a nice night happy fucking birthday lee” and with that you stumbled and ran out the door realizing soobin was the one who had driven you so you had to walk home now.

//back in the party //

Part three will be out quickly I just couldn’t write on this page anymore for some reason tha my oh for waiting !!

[againstme]

i knwo this is long but this is what i’m dealing with in my living situation in residential right now. i was fucking terrified last night. he’s still been following me around and staring at me and the only reason i feel semi okay right now is because i’ve been in a locked room for the past 3 hours. i want to go get dinner and heat it up but i also don’t want to leave where i am, or have him come into the room that i’m in once i leave. i’ll probably lock it behind me and ask staff to unlock it when i want to go back in.

staff is around, and they’re aware, and they’re keeping an eye on him, but idk i don’t think they can do that much. which really sucks because i at the least feel very uncomfortable and at most fucking terrified.

it’s even worse that he’s my roommate so if i go up there to be alone he’ll just follow me and knock on the door and open it and just stare at me. or come in there and talk to me in a way where i feel very pressured to respond. he’s a very tall very bulky very intimidating man that i barely know at all. he’s quiet with like a kubrick stare that creeps the hell out of me. and i know he’s going through something, i know that, but i genuinely don’t feel safe or at the very least don’t feel comfortable around him. i’m trying to use coping mechanisms to take care of myself and not engage but that’s very hard when you’re being followed all the time.

this is combined with him having been following me around for the past couple of days, staring at me from a close range but like a few feet away. and at first it was just like “oh yknow i just don’t know how to read him, maybe he’s just too nervous to talk, i get that” but it very quickly escalated into “oh no this is making me feel wildly uncomfortable”, and now into what happened last night. i don’t know what he wanted from me when he told me to come outside multiple times. i have no clue, but i didn’t feel safe. he was shirtless and just staring at me, and the only light was from the room that i was in. and then me closing and locking the door and sitting down away from the window, and him starting to bang on the door and wiggle the knob, and then going to the sliding glass door on the side of the room and just staring at me through it, i dunno. i don’t know what he wanted and i definitely did not want to find out.

i’m really nervous about tonight. i think they might have him sleep downstairs again, but what if he comes up there and falls asleep before they can tell him to go down? i’m so terrified that i’m going to wake up to him like watching over me or something: i dunno. i’m very freaked out in the back of my mind still.

i’m sorry this is so long i just really needed to get it out

[minniemariex]

my only 12 % ep 9

stream of thoughts

i’m ready for being emotionally destroyed for the rest of the day

today is a sad day xD

can i just preface this by saying that i’m lowkey in love with the cinematography and the color grading in this show? it’s so warm and mature (?) idk how to describe it but it makes me want to visit Thailand and makes me nostalgic at the same time

the whole goodbye was so sad. but also perfect. but also we got a confirmation about their age. and 15?!??!? are you kidding me?!!?!?!

the kiss on the cheek made me gasp. cause i know eiw took the last chance he had. and cake was surprised but didn’t flinch or changed his facial expression. continued like before. but that was such an important moment for eiw. to be able to do that took a lot of courage. and he was able to do that precisely because he knew cake is leaving.

cake coming back for the last hug was beautiful.

i love how eiws pillows make half of his face disappear when he layers on them. lol i want my pillows to do the same

i’m sorry but is the piano song playing in the background a fucking church song? like i knwo the melody but can’t remember the lyrics now but it’s 100% a church song. i think a christmas one but like …. wait yep lol. it’s a polish christmas song ‘Lulajże Jezuniu’ just slowed down. god that’s funny. probably someone wrote a similar melody but it’s still funny to me that while eiw is going down the stairs on a day without cake a f christmas carol is playing in the background lol

going through the same things you did one e with your best friend, especially one that’s been with you your whole life is extremely challenging. eiw will have to work on it.

prem as a big brother is perfect. the advice he goves is also really good. take care of yourself and become a better person than when cake was here. show him he doesn’t have to worry about you being here without him.

yay e-mails work. but you can see that it’s still not enough. while mails help it’s still jarring. but eiw has good friends around that will help him get to where he needs and wants to be.

and the realization settles in. that cake was his everything and now he has nothing. and need to fill the space with something else. eiw got used to being in the spotlight with cake. and now has to learn how to live outside of it. honestly i feel like it will be good for them to be apart. they will learn to live for themselves.

also fee has a point. you can’t be visible everywhere, you have to put yourself in uncomfortable situations and adjust yourself. and learn how to deal with them if you want to grow as a person

ah and now eiw gets out of his shell. i wonder if cake will be jealous that eiw is changeons without him there to see and encourage him to. that he’s doing all the things cake wanted him to do and cake is not there.

uuu we getting a Phi into the mix. i wonder if that’ll go somewhere.

i genuinely love prem as a hia

ah cakes friends came over to support eiw. and don’t think i haven’t see the looks the Phi is giving eiw.

can i just say i love when series do a flashback and it’s a new scene. like not reused one.

wait what they FINISHED HIGH SCHOOL??? so like how much time has passed? weren’t thye 15 at the beginning of the ep. 6 years of high school? so now the 3 years passed? yep it’s 2011 now so

IM CONFISED SOMEONE HELP ME.

okay so from the preview. 3 years have passed. they finished high school. now will go to uni. cake will be back. eiw changed quite a bit. there’s gonna be a lot of jealousy from cake as he only heard about the new life eiw has and his new friends (aka the Phi that seems to like eiw). cake looks really good in blonde.

can’t wait for the reunion. and i’m so glad we got a confirmation that it was happening in modern past. cause i was confused as hell first few eps xD

[onlyjaeyun]

HEY QUEEN 🗣️ girl u have done it again 🤭constantly raising the bar for us all, and doing it FLAWLESSLY ☝️i’d say i’m surprised but i know who you are 🤷‍♀️ i’ve seen it up close and personal ! girl u make me so proud and i love you 🫶🏼 now look at how u ate that. LOOK AT HOW U DEVOURED THAT WHOLE SMUT. AS U FUCKING SHOULD 💯 bro the amount of emotions i went through in those 25 mins of reading ouhhh lord jesus have mercy on my poor soul GAWD how are you SO GOOD?! i need an actual scientific research on ur thought process because HOW do u manage to keep gagging all of us AGAIN and AGAIN OVER AND OVER. miss zadie, im afraid you devoured the hate sex scene so eloquently you had me dizzy for a good 4 mins after reading 🤕 your writing game is UNTOUCHABLE 🙅‍♀️ #theseotherhoescouldnever i love you and ur brain so so much. okay now im gonna start talking about what the FUCK 🧍‍♀️ happened.

alright so first of AWL 🤨 FIRST SEX SCENE OF CH COMPLETED LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOO 🗣️🗣️🗣️ anyways now fuCK OFF NA JAEMIN FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING OH MY GOOOODDDDD like this is actually insane a whole ass phonecall for a laptop (i get it but for him i don’t) broke ass bitch u STILL HAVE THE AUDACITY TO CALL when u shOULD BE IN JAIL BITCH. (also i read ur explanation about the freshmen students and yes, it was infact a jumpscare. im totally ignoring the fact that my right kidney stopped and my left eye went blind after reading “9th graders” but thanks for clarifying baby 🫶🏼) anyways when is the execution date for j***** like i need to see him live 4k 1080p quality on that electric chair 🪑 bro.

moving on from the rat that escaped the sewage! what the FUCK. that hate sex scene was tEW GOOD. 😩 u know what really had me almost become one with the floor was the way u made him ALMOSSTTT become pussy drunk 🙏🏼 i’m blushing and giggling rn but i love love LOVEEE when u make them like that 😭 anyways can’t wait to see sunghoon singing “best i ever had” to yn 30 chapters or smth from now. BUT AYYYEEEE HEESEUNG WOMB ESCAPE DAY PARTY LETS GO 🗣️💯 i can’t wait to see the events that will happen in the party & in the next few chapters 😁🤞

anywho! hope you’re taking care of yourself angel !! sending u so many hugs & kisses thank u zadie for ur service :D

-⁉️

MY BABY IS BACKKKK YALL HONEY WAKE UP ⁉️ SEND ME AN ASK ITS TIME TO GIGGLE AND KICK FEET AGAIN 🤭🤭🤭🤭

firstly, thank you SO much for these baby i hope you knwo i appreciate them with everything i have and if you dont i will try harder to make it known to you 🫡

STOP THE PRAISING AND COMPLIMENTING IS TOO MUCH IM GONNA BLUSH AND FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU RN 🤕 thank you so, so so so much baby i love you and am literally so smiley rn like i might have a crush on you dont make me delulu 🤥

NOT YOU WANTING THE CHAIR FOR CH!JAEMS 😭😭 valid but DAMN ngl and im glad i got that cleared up bc yes he's bad but not THAT bad 🤥🤥

and you know i will make hoonie admit that he's never had pussy as good as ch!y/n's just bc i promised to make him fall to his knees and BEG for her mercy like she's gonna be so mean to him but he deserves it so its okay 🤭🤭

thank you so much again baby, always so happy to see you in my inbox and hope youre having a great day, pls accept ALL my kisses 🥺🤍🫧☁️

[waluijoe]

i have this Thing where i ,,,, feel like i am TooMuch as person w too many interests who lie in too many different places, with too many ways to think & talk & feel, and above this all the crown is that i HATE being perceived but i want to talk&learn so badly. 

ive found that in relationships of any kind this could be difficult to deal w... it creates this thing where pple might think i’m extremely intelligent&resourceful&passionate so they idealize me and they will listen but they won’t participate. then i start feeling like i should be a little less so i can stop being intimidating & they can start sharing too. then i never know how to be fully myself again because i’ve understood that if i was, it meant facing disconnect. like, they’ll think they can’t add anything to the convo and 1) not speak, therefore, i feel lonely 2) ignore me entirely (on apps mostly) so somebody else can deal w me instead like im a bother 3) pretend they listen/care but only answer in questions & never actually find meaning in what i say or try to dig deeper into it 4) listen, truly, and keep my ideas w them, and speak those ideas to other pple but never actually follow through much with me by adding to the convo later on or in the moment etc 

or, pple might be judgemental. so then i hide little parts, i hide interests, i speak of them a Little bit because i don’t wanna lie or be a different person, but i never really dig into what i wanna talk abt half as much as i truly want to because i know it won’t be met well. so then i start having this unconscious lists of topics that are palatable depending on who’s in front of me. and i adapt. 

or, i start compartmentalizing my own fkcing personnality. my own interests. can’t talk abt this here, thats fine, i’ll create a twitter specifically for that one thing. oh but now, i wanna talk abt That other thing, slightly linked, but different, maybe thats too chaotic to add here, maybe it doesnt fit, maybe pple will perceive too much, i should create Another twitter for This specific thing ? or maybe i should just not talk abt it. yeah. sounds good too. i have literally 4 tumblrs, 3 different twitters, just so i can safely spread out my interests becos one day i’ll feel like speaking a bit more personnally, the next i’ll feel like “no i should only speak abt the topic when i have meaningful things to say or else i sound DUMB and whiny and pple will see i have feelings that arent greatly worded analysis” im so fkcing HHHH i feel like i won’t let myself exist as a full person ANYWHERE because i keep seeing Other pple and they seem like theyre put together and they only speak One way, they only have Specific likes, they know the social clues, the social contexts, the workings of things, and they fit into it. i dont understand Shit abt anything.. worse, i do, but i don’t fit in and i don’t know how other pple do, and i can’t bring myself to commit to the rules & the fitting in because it makes me feel like a liar. 

maybe i should just Not give a fuck and create a space where i can say whatevr the fuck i want and it wld not matter at all, but i would feel too bad for that if someone perceived it. if im alone, like here, it doesnt mtter, no one reads this. but if i mention a band i like, suddenly my brainworms activate like “if pple search this band, THEY WILL KNWO WHAT U SAID, they will its YOU, theyll think you’re a fkcing PRICK or DERANGED” like okay.. what abt existing huh. you wrong footed fuck. im so tired. i wanna find a meaningful space or some type of freedom but i never feel,,, satisfied. i never feel home anywhere. i never feel home within myself, i hate that pple might see that. 

[glassartpeasants]

Crying In The Club .7

Yandere!Overhaul x F!Reader

*Part 1* *Part 2* *Part 3* *Part 4* *Part 5* *Part 6* *Part 7*

Warnings: Death, gore, yandere overhaul, kidnapping

A/N: Ah skeet skeet motherfuckers were back again. Here’s some more food for ya’ll. Enjoy. Sorry that its short again. I PROMISE PROMISE THAT TOMORROWS WILL BE LONGER

Taglist

@hello-lucky-luka @winchester-wifey

~~~

“Is the room ready Chrono?” Kai asked as he walked down the corridor. The sound of his shoes hitting the tile floor, making his footsteps wing through the entire compound.

“Yes Overhaul, the room’s all ready.” Chrono answered as he walked behind Kai. He was a little skeptical about the whole ordeal but would much rather have you then the one that Kai has now.

“Good.” Kai smiled under his mask. Your room was ready for you to come back and stay there. You were coming back to him and away from that scum. You would be much safer here where your pure body would not be tainted by the outside world anymore.

Kai had stopped right in front of the door of your soon to be new room. It had everything except things to contact anyone of course. You had the most expensive clothes and jewelry. Your bed was highly recommended, a desk and everything you could ever ask for. You would never need to leave your room.

“Kai my boy whats this?” Kai jumped at the sound of Pops coming near him. He quickly tired to figure out a lie that pops would believe. He didn’t want to seem suspicious and accidentally spill his plan.

“Him and (Y/N) are getting back together.” Chrono said quickly, covering for Kai.

‘Thank you Chrono.’ Kai sighed internally. 

“Thats great news! To be honest I liked her more then (R/N).” Pops laughed as he patted Kai on the shoulder. 

‘Good to know he likes her, since she’ll be staying with us for quite some time.’

“Well come get me when you bring her here again!”

“Will do.’

~~~

‘Okay so It’s his birthday today, what should I get him?’ You look through out the entire mall. Going in and out of stores. Nothing looking up to your standards. You want to get him something that he’ll cherish forever. Not something he’ll have for a few months then throw away like a video game.

Looking around trying to pinpoint the right store for your ever so loving boyfriend you get this sick feeling as if someones watching you. Goosebumps litter you skin as the feeling got stronger the longer you looked in front of you. You move your feet faster as you drag yourself to the food court.

As you take a seat on the cold leather booth near the back exit, you get the feeling again, just stronger. Sitting by the back exit will do you some good since you can run if you need to. Before you thought of what could give you this uneasy feeling a cold hand placed itself on your shoulder. You slowly snake your eyes towards the hand that adorned your shoulder before you felt your whole world shatter around you.

“K-Kai? What are you doing here” You say as you feel his gloved hand caress your skin gently. The feeling was anything less then welcoming.

“I’ve decided to take back whats rightfully mine. I can’t believe you would find some rat so soon.” If it weren’t for his mask you would have definitely felt his breath on your neck. Even if you couldn’t feel his breath, the warmth of his body surrounded around you. But instead of comforting you, it made your boy fill ice cold.

“I’m not yours...you let me go remember?” Your whole body shook as he motioned for you to stand up.. You obliged in fear of what he would do to you. No matter what kind of voice he talked to you in, you always got a horrific memory of what event happened when he used said voice.

“See still a good girl as always. Now come on, we’ve got to go back to the base. Everyone is waiting for your return.”

“But...what about-”

“Dead. I never want to hear you talk about him ever again understand? Don’t even mutter his name.” He gave your shoulder a squeeze. Making you let out a yelp of pain. Considering that it was the shoulder where he carved his initials into you, the pain was more severe that it would have been originally if it weren’t there at all. But since it was, it made a pain shoot up all the way into your shoulder and down your arm.

“Yes Kai, I understand.” Your voice more of a whisper as he lead you out of the mall and into the familiar black car. The car that once excited you now gave you a feeling of dread and fear.

You sit on the leather seats as you look away from the monster besides you. You curled your toes in your shoes as your fingernails dug into the leather seats. Your body shaking in fear. The warm air brushing against your the skin of your cheeks.

“Don’t look so scared my angel. Your going to be more safe with me then you ever where with that rat. I don’t need your replacement anymore now. THank god, she was annoying anyway.” You were going to scoot away from hiim only to have his arm wrap around your waist and pull you closer to him. He lifted you up and sat you on his lap. His strong arms showing no signs of releasing you.

“Your gonna love your new room angel.”

~~~

You step out of the car and your shoes hitting the ground. You felt yous legs turn into jelly. Fear making you so weak. YOu tried showing that you weren’t afraid that you were here on your own choice. But you were utterly terrified. Everything you’ve been through flashed before your eyes.

Your hands felt like they were holding satans. The latex of his gloves in between your fingers gave you a sickening feeling. The latex of his gloves made your skin prickle.

“Look happy angel. Pops will be home soon. Can’t have him seeing you scared face. Plus being scared isn’t a good look on you. I love your smile so much more.” You nodded as you try to put on a more convincing happy face as you walked towards the door.

It opens with a soft squeak and everyone looks at you, causing you to squirm and tense up. Kai growled as he gave everyone a glare that could kill and everyone immediately went back to work. 

You felt his strong hand pull you down the corridor. His thumb rubbing your knuckles. You wanted to vomit. Why did he think that you would so willing come back to him? You were just terrified of what he could do to you if you didn’t. You didn’t know what kind of drug he was on. Before you got even more lost in your thoughts a familiar voice rang through your ears and it hits you all at once.

“Kai lets go to the mall! I want new diamond earrings-why the hell is that wench doing here?” It was her. There was no fucking way. Out of everyone in Japan it had to be that bitch. That same bitch who posted pictures of your crying face all throughout the bar you use to work at. He really got her as your replacement. It kinda pissed you off in an unexplained way.

“Be careful of what you say (ex co-workers name), this is my angel and I will no longer be needing your services. Get out.” The last bit of Kai’s words sent a shiver down your spine. You hated when he used that threatening voice. You felt extremely uncomfortable when the girl looked your way. Her piercing eyes staring right through your soul. Making you feel so small.

“No longer be needing my services?! Well it would be a shame if someone were to tell Pops all about your little secret-” Her voice forever was silenced as her body turned into only a blood splat on the wall.

Her once alive body was now covering the walls, nothing but a big splatter of blood as it dripped down the walls. Her blood covered your face and some of your clothes. You felt her blood seep through your clothes and cover your face. You were speechless. You just witnessed Kai kill her. It’s not like you didn’t knwo he was a dangerous man but that didn’t mean him killing her in front of you wasn’t traumatizing. You would never get the image of her body turning into a puddle of blood.

“Disgusting. Finally she’s gone.” Kai grunted as he let go of your hand as he violently scratched at his skin. Trying to get her blood off his skin and clothes. Hives decorating his skin. He groaned before looking at you seeing you shake as you looked at your hands. Which were covered in her blood. Her blood covering a majority of your body.

“Don’t be scared my precious angel. I promise I will never do it to you again. I can’t even imagine seeing you in such a state in my own eyes again.” He grabbed your shoulder and brought you to his chest which was also covered in her blood. Smearing all over your face.

‘Please just let me go damnit. I was so close.’ Tears pour out of your eyes as they stream down your face when you felt his gloved hand pet his hair.

[ultfreakme]

I don’t think MCU knows how to write romances, which is why Steggy just fell flat after CATFA and I have a hypothesis. 

MCU’s target audience is everyone. Mass appeal to really get the cash flowing. But this is a franchise based on comic books and there is this stereotype that cishet men and boys are the ones who predominantly consume this stuff. Also superhero movies have some specific expectations and roles they should fulfill, like epic fight scenes, being toTalLy mAcHo, saving the day, saving the damsel, whatever. 

Female characters aren’t exactly....characters in these films(at least at the start), they are props and ideas to be sold. It took 10 years to make Black Widow a character, an Avenger in her own right rather than side character. The aforementioned mass-appeal thing means any sort of romance needs to meet some criterion so little to no one gets uncomfortable(according to MCU standards)

Romances are heterosexual

They need to be obvious to viewers

Neither of them can engage in anything more than kissing. 

Okay it needs to be the milquetoast thing ever. The heterosexual romance falls flat because one of the people in the relationship doesn’t have a character. The ‘love-interest’ who is often female and just something the hero is guaranteed to have doesn’t inspire any sense of tension because literally everyone knows how the relationship will go. 

Weird thing is the female characters are actually well-written enough before they become a love interest. When they are put together with the male character they are supposed to love, any defining personality trait just gets dulled down. 

Peggy is pretty badass on her own, but the second she’s made to interact with Steve, she goes from character to prop. Something like that happens with Jane in Thor- she’s this well-known astrophysicist who is smart as fuck, kinda dorky and awkward but she like....she just fades into the background whenever she’s with Thor. Why would she be interested in him after about 2 days of knowing him? Why would she love him for 2 years and wait around after knwoing him for such a short time? How does that work? I get a passing friendship and worry but romantic love is going to take way more. 

Thing is the second a ‘love-interest’ is assigned, the relationship escalates so quickly it doesn’t feel real. For some reason they HAVE to kiss if they even just look at each other. There’s no place for a slowburn where an actual dynamic is built.

And this is where they accidentally create very compelling male relationships. Steve and Bucky’s relationship spans over all 3 Captain America movies and is there even in the Avengers movies. It takes a long, long time- we get time with them, we get to see how the relationship influences each other- how it changes each other. That’s what makes it so compelling. 

I think the same can be said for Stony too(though okay I don’t ship it but I’m sure them going from begrudging allies who sorta hate each other to friends over the span of multiple movies with various ups and downs is what makes them so cool to witness). And less popular, but ThorBruce- they aren’t love interests but they start of with a tenuous alliance, which becomes friendship and eventually a strong friendship where they count on each other. SamBucky too(hating each other-> friends with the same guy and having the same cause -> friends and this also happens over multiple movies and a TV series)

They are allowed to be friends first, their relationships develop naturally because they are allowed to be characters first, their traits and existence are not compromised to shoehorn in any relationship. 

And they’re all SLOWBURNS. 

Jane & Thor would’ve been more compelling if in the first movie, they were allies on the verge of friendship, in the second their friendship becomes more established and it was slowly built up throughout the avengers movies. That way there’s more weight in the break-up, in the struggle of long distance and dating a god.

Same with Peggy and Steve. The thing with Steggy though, is that the franchise killed any potential for it with the time travel and burned it down in CATWS and AoU(Peggy says you can’t go back to the past to Steve and says he needs to live in the present- a present which she can’t be a part of. And Steve says whichever part of him that wanted the white picket fence and family died 70 years ago). Steggy set itself up to be a past Steve needed to leave behind for positive development. 

The Steve-Peggy relationship was opened and closed by CACW and they opened up Steve’s relationship with everyone in the 21st century. 

Sharon Carter doesn’t work because it’s Steve clinging to the last of his ties with Peggy(also that is PEGGY’S NIECE MAN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING). Also we don’t know shit about Sharon at that point. They should’ve kept her an ally and friend and maybe built up a friendship between the two based on their grievance over the fall of SHIELD and Nick Fury. Steve would’ve worked better as a mentor figure to Sharon tbh. 

okay rant done

[voulezloux]

.

[snarkwrites]

Title: snowbound pt 2 of 3

Theme: holiday party

Fandom / Character(s):Ben Solo/Kylo Ren x Earth!FemaleReader.

Warnings: Honestly, if you read the first part, you knwo already. I am not a medical professional, nor am I a hardcore Star Wars fangirl, merely a casual fan. There is no blood!tw here, but.. There is still an injury!tw, because he ain’t just gonna heal over night. Oh and if you can handle reading my own personal take on Ben Solo (his father’s son, fyi) then you’ll be okay with him being construed as OOC. If not, sorry? Pls don’t murder me?

Word Count: 4k. Shit. I got carried away again, didn’t I?

Okay, so here’s the thing... That first part really got me in the mood to write a follow up. So, here we are. Even if it’s the biggest flop on my entire goddamn blog, I got these ideas out of my head and... materialized somehow. This is my second daily entry for my bb @champbucks over on the @12daysofchristmas challenge blog...

OH YEAH.. for the sake of a timeline here.. This part takes place  two and a half weeks later and part three will take part a day or so, maybe two, after part two. Trust me, this needed to be said.

Also, again.. I made the banner for this. Don’t steal or repost.

TAGGING:

@andie01 @helluvawriter and @kyleoreillysknee 

@champbucks and @12daysofchristmas

[ about my writing | masterlist | multifandom tag doc ]

“Are you even listening to me right now, Katie?”

My sister’s question and the annoyed tone she asked it in had me shifting my focus from watching Ben chop firewood down in the yard to at least making an honest attempt to keep up with our conversation. I rolled my eyes when I heard her annoyed sigh.

It took everything in me to remind her that I wasn’t a child.

She’s always been like this, and frankly, it has everything to do with why I don’t try to see her more than once or twice a year, when she insists on all of us siblings gathering at Grandma’s cabin to have a family dinner and pictures.

“What?” I asked, gazing out the window already, distracted all over again. Ben had shed the black thermal shirt now, it was tied around his waist. Each swing of the axe sent muscular arms and broad shoulders to flexing and that had me more than a little mesmerized at the moment. I tried to tear my eyes away. 

,, just like this morning when we had that awkward moment in the bathroom.” my mind taunted me and I sighed, turning away from the window and wandering into the kitchen. “I gotcha. You’ll do the turkey because I can’t cook. It’s already baking and you guys will all be here at 4:30. I need to have the oven turned on so things can finish. I’m not stupid. We do this every single year.”

“I’m doing you a huge favor, trust me, Katie. You wouldn’t be interested in all of this stuff. You’re barely listening to me now. Did you get the girls what I told you to get them both for Christmas?”

I glared at the phone in my hands, dragging one of them through my hair, tousling it a little. “You do realize I actually cook. And I’m pretty good at it. Oh and by the way… I’m not a child. I’d prefer it if you called me Katherine.”

She paused, hesitating. “I’d… really rather not risk the Christmas dinner on your hurt feelings. I’ll prepare most of it, you can do the potatoes!” she said it cheerfully, as if she were offering an olive branch.

She made it seem as if I were incapable of the simplest tasks. She probably didn’t even trust me to do the mashed potatoes either and that thought had me exhaling sharply in irritation as I pinched the bridge of my nose and grumbled to myself about her always doing this. And honestly, I didn’t care if she heard me or not.

The chopping stopped outside and I saw Ben walking from the pile of wood and up onto the porch. The door creaked open and Ben leaned in the doorway, filling it, gazing at me with a brow raised and arms folded over a bare chest.

I held up a finger and turned my attention back to the phone conversation with my older sister, pacing the area right in front of him as I did, lightly kicking at the little wooden table beside the door when she sighed again and for the fourth time, she reminded me calmly, “We’ll have it at 5. Like always.”

Ben tensed a little nearby and he eyed the phone in my hands as if he were picking up on my tension and current level of irritation. I mouthed to him, “It’s my nag of an older sister. The one you heard me talking to last Tuesday?”

He spoke up. “Katherine, I’ve gotten the firewood cut.” an amused smirk played at lips I’ve only dreamed of kissing practically every single night for the better part of two weeks now.

And almost immediately, I froze, biting my lip. Now, I wasn’t dumb. I knew that I’d have to explain Ben being here to my older sisters, but I just… I hadn’t bothered to do so as of yet.

“Is there someone there with you, Katie?”

“Again, it’s Katherine. And yes. My boyfriend, actually. He’s been staying out here with me. But you wouldn’t know, because you only call before Thanksgiving or Christmas and every night until we get together for those occasions. Now I’m gonna get off here. That oven’s not gonna turn itself on. Bye.” I said it pointedly and before my sister could ask anything else or bother me further, I disconnected the call.

I could feel the weight of his stare, I didn’t even have to be looking at him. And honestly, I didn’t dare.

Instead, I made my way into the kitchen, fuming out loud as I turned on the oven. Then again, as I rummaged through cabinets to find pots and pans and my grandma’s old recipe book.

I was so caught up in my tantrum, I didn’t hear Ben slip into the kitchen behind me.

I turned abruptly and found myself body to body with him.

“Why do you insist on putting everything out of your reach?” Ben smirked down at me as he stepped closer, reaching out to grab the pot that I’d been trying to get. He held it out to me and I swallowed hard. I tried to answer his question, but nothing was coming. All I could focus on was how close we stood. And of course, the way he was staring down at me right now.

I shrugged in lieu of an answer and put the pot to the side. For a few hot and heavy seconds, all either one of us really did was stare at the other. Finally, Ben spoke.

“Boyfriend, hm?”

,, think, think, oh my god, holy shit, think..” my brain was going into panic shutdown mode. I eyed him and gave a sheepish shrug. “It was the first thing I could think of. Trust me, my sister is NOT someone you want knowing exactly what happened to you. She’d probably break her neck to go report it to that damn base. And they’d be down here, breathing down everyone’s neck. It’s… Better this way.” I licked my lips, swallowing hard as I stared up at him intently.

He chuckled, shrugging himself as if it didn’t bother him at all. And why would it, you absolute goof? My brain immediately saw fit to remind me, this is just a ruse. When he’s healed completely and he’s got his ship going again, he’ll just leave.” and the thought had a pout forming. I was staring down at the old wooden floorboards.

Or at least I was until Ben’s fingers tucked beneath my chin and he made me look right up at him, that shit-eating smirk plastered on his face as he did so.

I’ve learned over the course of the past two and a half weeks… Ben’s a little on the cocky side sometimes. When he’s not being all broody and quiet. Or almost borderline teasing me on occasion.

“If it keeps this military you speak of out of my way, I’ll do it.”

And the exact second that his tongue trailed over his lips and he gave that smirk again, it was all I could do not to melt.

I digress, I will be a raw bundle of nerves before he’s all healed and he’s gotten his ship repaired.

We were doing it again, that thing where we wind up migrating closer together. Hips brushing against each other. I cleared my throat and glanced down at the walking cast that Doc had swapped him over to at the beginning of the week. “Excuse me, sir.. But I distinctly recall Doc saying to stay off your foot as much as possible.”

“And I would if I hadn’t seen that our heat source was about to run out, woman. How is someone so small still somehow so bossy?” Ben chuckled, that hint of teasing in his tone. I gulped and managed to grumble a little as I shrugged in answer to what he’d said. 

“Go sit down.”

“You come sit down too. If she’s so determined to do it all herself, let her.”

I tensed a little and eyed him. Pretty sure my anger was written all over my face because he chuckled and eyed me, making himself taller. “You let her get to you.”

“I’ve always let her get to me.” I sighed, shrugging it off as best as I could. We were inching closer all over again and my breath caught in my throat as I felt his hand lingering at my hip. “Perhaps you shouldn’t.”

“Oh trust me. After you’ve had her around a few hours later tonight, you’ll see exactly why she gets so far under my skin.”

“Or maybe, she just needs someone who knows how to get under her skin.”

I laughed a little, eyeing him. “Oh, you’re confident now. But her royal naggingness has not arrived yet, either.. Neither have the other two, Margo and Cecilia.”

He chuckled, leaning down a little, his face almost well within kissing distance. “Did you just challenge me,hm?”

“Nope. Just know how crazy my older sisters tend to drive pretty much fucking everyone with their micromanagement and overall nosiness and assholery.” I dared to raise up a little, my face inching just a smidge closer to his. To a point where we lightly bumped noses. But Ben still wasn’t backing away. In fact… If I didn’t know better, I’d almost swear he moved just a little closer. And smirked down at me the entire time he was doing so.

The sound of a vehicle idling outside had me swallowing hard and turning a little, groaning almost the second I realized that apparently, Cecilia had decided to get here earlier than Margo or Dinah. “Well shit. This is a first.”

Ben’s gaze followed mine and he nodded towards Cecilia. Who as usual bought wine and a few presents and was wearing clothing that I honestly didn’t see how she wasn’t going to catch her death in.

“Margo and Dinah are gonna have a field day now. Dinah will have an absolute shit fit, because she wants us all to dress similar in the photos she’s gonna make us take.”

“Photos?” Ben questioned, a brow raised. I held up my cell phone and explained with a shrug, “It’s basically the same thing here as what you all do with your data pads back where you’re from, I’d think.” 

The door was being knocked on and I caught eyes with Ben, taking a few shaky breaths. “And we’re up… Are you sure you’re okay with this, Ben?”

“You said this was the only way. And from what you’ve told me about this military, I’d really rather not have to deal with them. Make no mistake. I could, easily. But I’d rather not.” that cocky smirk was back and there was this look in his eyes that I couldn’t quite get a proper read on.

It had my knees feeling as if they were going to go all weak and rubbery on me.

XXX

My sisters had finally all gotten to the cabin. My nieces and my nephew were running all over the yard, with my sisters husbands outside to supervise.

Ben had kind of wandered outside himself, leaning against the side of the cabin, arms folded over his chest as he watched my nieces and nephew laughing and playing. And I felt bad for him because I knew exactly just how much of this kind of thing he didn’t have as a kid. His early years had been all about training. Control.

Dinah cleared her throat and I turned around, facing my sisters. “What?”

“Boyfriend, huh?” Cecilia mused, giving me a teasing grin. Of my three sisters, Cecilia was probably the one I got along with decently. So I knew when she said it, it was kind of her being wistful because she is a magnet… For all the worst guys.

“You’re always saying you’re too busy. And your internship takes up all your time.” Margo echoed, giving a suspicious gaze in Ben’s general direction. I bit my cheek to keep from snapping out an answer at her, because as usual, Margo seemed to be almost accusing me of something.

Dinah eyed Ben and then looked at me. “Where on Earth did you meet him? I mean… He doesn’t seem like your type, Katie.”

I shrugged. Why was it their business? Anyway, I’m at least 90 percent sure that a man like Ben can have his pick of women. It’s highly illogical to think he’d choose me to begin with. And I knew that. I guess that’s why it bothered me so much because my sisters questions since all of them arrived seemed to further imply and echo my own thoughts.

I cut my eyes at Dinah and gave her a dirty look. “It’s Katherine. And what the hell does that mean?”

“Well,I just mean that I always pictured the guy you wound up with a little more like… That guy from X files.. And not an actual hunk.”

“Fox Mulder is a hunk, by the way. But what the hell does that mean?”

“Are you sure you really know him? I mean it seems sudden.” Dinah went quiet, biting her cheek as she shuffled her feet and eyed me expectantly. “You never mentioned him and then Bam, today, you’re telling me you have a live in boyfriend.”

“Oh my god, wait.. You two are living together?” Margo’s eyes widened as she looked at me.

“And she barely knows him.” Dinah interrupted, irritated because whatever she’d been trying to say without saying before was obviously being interrupted and cast to the side.

I glared at Dinah and shrugged, answering Margo. “Kind of. It’s temporary. Kind of like a test drive?” I did my best at being convincing, but the entire time I was saying it, the feeling of dread I’d been having about Ben’s upcoming departure rushed right back to the forefront. But I shoved it down again. I already know I don’t have a shot in hell there, there’s no sense in dreading it or letting it get to me.

Not when we were already such good friends. Anything further would be risking the total ruin of that. And I didn’t want to.

“Since when? And are there more out there like him?” Cecilia asked quietly, staring dead at him and fanning herself as she did. 

“Since like… a week after Thanksgiving?” I scratched my head as I thought back. Had it really been that long? My mind was blown because it honestly felt like only yesterday that I was finding the crash site for his ship.

The weeks following seemed to have just flown by. And the realization of just how much time had really passed only made me stop and think about just how much I was dreading Ben’s departure.

“You two don’t act like a couple.” Dinah spoke up, insistent. Margo glared at her and I sighed, shrugging. “Not everybody is into over the top PDA. Why do you always insist there’s more to something than there really is?”

“Yeah, Di? Can’t you just let Katherine be happy?”

“If she didn’t have crap judgement..” Dinah trailed off, glancing at me awkwardly. I tensed and rolled my eyes. “If you ever wonder why we never talk more than twice a year, Di? This. This is exactly why. You’re not my mother and I’m not a fucking child.”

I don’t know what got into me, but I was snapping and storming away before I could bother to censor myself or stop. And it felt so good. I stormed into the house to check on the food and just be alone for a few minutes.

To my surprise, Ben cleared his throat from the doorway of the kitchen before stepping in and sliding the doors closed.

“Are you alright? I heard what your sister was saying.”

I took a deep breath and shrugged. “Just ready for the afternoon to be over. She’s second guessing the whole thing and if she pushes too hard, digs too much I’m afraid that she’ll... “ I trailed off, going quiet. Ben swallowed hard and nodded, giving me this look that showed he understood.

And from the doorway, Dinah’s throat cleared.

“I came to talk to my sister.”

Ben tensed.

“She’s got nothing to say to you.”

His tone came out so calm and yet so angry that it had me glancing up at him. He was glaring at Dinah. Dinah’s mouth opened and closed and she looked from me to Ben. I gave her a half hearted smirk and she eyed us both, almost like she were determined to believe that we were lying and she wanted to dig the truth out.

Ben’s arms slipped around my waist and before I could stop myself, I gasped quietly, sort of melting right against him. “Katherine, all that’s wrong with your sister is that she’s jealous. She’s always been jealous.”

I eyed Dinah and a brow raised when I realized that Ben’s words had hit a very tangible mark. She flinched and her mouth opened and closed, and then when she had nothing to say, her lips pursed and she grumbled quietly, “I don’t trust you, Ben.”

“And I don’t particularly care for you, Dinah.” Ben snapped, giving a shrug when she gaped at him as if she were shocked that he’d dare to speak to her that way.

“You’re going to let him talk to me like this?” Dinah gaped at me and I shrugged, snuggling myself against Ben just a little bit, gazing up at him over my shoulder before turning my attention back to her. “Why wouldn’t I? You’re the one who’s acting like an asshole.”

“I literally cannot deal with you. I’m leaving.” Dinah stormed out of the kitchen, calling to her husband and my nieces. “Kids, get in the car.”

Margo and Cecilia eyed my sister and gave each other a look before hurrying inside, shutting the door behind them.

“Whatever you two did, we’re gonna need you to do it again next year.”

Ben chuckled, shrugging. “I just pointed out that she seemed to be jealous of Katherine.”

“Oh, damn.. That went well.” Margo laughed, smiling as she shook her head. Cecilia turned to me and nodded her head back at Ben. “I like him.”

“Wait.. you two weren’t on her side every single time?”

“What? No.”

“I just never said anything because I know she’s been having problems in her own life for years.” Margo mused and this got her a look from both Cecilia and I. Margo gave a shrug and explained calmly, “Her husband’s leaving her in January. For the secretary at his firm. Not only that, she’s got laid off last year and she decided to do the stay at home mom thing and it’s been depressing her. And when we were kids, she was jealous of you and Cecilia because you two were always doing things and she never really got to do any of that… Especially after dad died…”

“She didn’t have to take care of us? We had grandma. Everything was fine.”

“She didn’t think so. You know what a control freak she is, Katherine.” Margo sighed and shook her head. “I have wanted to tell her to grow up and get over it for years now. Just never had the heart to because I knew why she was like that.”

Cecilia and I shared a look.

Ben cleared his throat.

“Is the food in the oven supposed to be burning? Because it smells like it’s starting to.”

“Shit.”

“Listen.. We all know Dinah’s turkey is dry every single year. Let’s just find a pizza place or something?”

I nodded, laughing. “If she were here, she’d be throwing a fit.”

“You three can’t even wait until I’ve actually left to let everything go to shit?” Dinah wandered back into the kitchen, opening the oven and glaring at my sisters and I.

“You let the turkey burn?”

“I thought you were going home.”

“And I was… Until I realized that grandma would be disappointed in all of us. Me, especially.” Dinah was squirming. She’s never enjoyed apologizing. I laughed and shook my head. “Listen, if Jim is going to walk out, let him. The guy’s a fucking jerk anyway. I just never said so because I thought you liked… that kind of guy.” I advised.

Cecilia dug around in the drawers for the corkscrew to open her wine and Margo spoke up after a few seconds. “Just let everything go, Di. Life’s too fucking short, okay? We’re literally all we have left now.”

Dinah mulled it over, nodding. She eyed Ben, who was hanging back, leaning in the doorway with his arms folded across his chest. “Maybe I was wrong about you. I just… I got suspicious because that one,” she nodded towards me, “Doesn’t typically get involved with anyone, let alone let her guard down enough to trust.”

I could feel Ben’s eyes on me, but I didn’t dare look up to meet his gaze, instead, I focused on pouring myself a glass of wine.

XXX

I shut the door behind me and leaned against it. “Thank God. That’s done for another year.” I laughed out the words and Ben chuckled quietly. “Wasn’t that bad.”

“I mean..” I trailed off, going quiet. I knew from the little bits about himself that he’d told me, he’d never really been that close to his family. And when he’d chosen the path that he’d chosen in life, they’d only gotten further apart.

I got the feeling there was so much more to it than that, but I didn’t push. It wasn’t my business. Even though I hurt for him, because there had been points throughout the day that I could look at him and tell that he longed to have a family, even if all they did was fight. Like… maybe he regretted whatever he’d done immensely.

I sank down on the couch beside him, staring at my hands for a few seconds, nothing but the sound of the fire crackling in the fireplace filling the room.

“I’m almost healed.” Ben muttered. I glanced up at him, biting my lip and nodding, forcing a smile. “You are! Hey, if you want… I can get one of Doc’s friends to come out and move your ship back to the cabin… So you can use the garage and the barn out back to work on it?”

Ben nodded after a few seconds, muttering quietly, “Yes.”

After he’d fallen silent for seconds that seemed to stretch into hours on my end, he spoke up again. “I’ve actually enjoyed being here.”

“Honestly, I’ve enjoyed you being here. And I’m not really a people person.”

Ben chuckled. “Neither am I.”

I scooted a little close, tentatively leaning against him. “Sorry you got pulled into all that crap.”

He shrugged. “Wasn’t that bad.” as he chuckled and asked quietly, “Is it like that every year?”

I shook my head. “No, because usually, Margo and Cecilia and I just ignore her. Or do whatever she’s nagging at us to do. Just to keep the peace.”

“Oh.”

“But it’s fine, she honestly needed to hear everything we were all saying earlier. She’s always been… Overbearing.”

“Overbearing is just one word.” Ben mused, making me laugh and reassure him quietly, “I’m fine. I have a thick skin.”

He chuckled and nodded in agreement as he eyed the glass of wine I was sipping. I held it out and he took a sip, spitting it out.

“That’s awful.”

“It’s not!”

“It’s utter swill, woman.” Ben dragged a hand over his mouth and my eyes caught on the movement. I gulped and stood abruptly. Because if I didn’t, if I kept sitting there, I was going to do something dumb.. Like kiss him.

And if he’s going to leave soon, that’s the last thing I want to do.

I’ll only wind up getting hurt if I keep getting too close. I have to remind myself of that a lot lately.

[jimimn]

HI ITS ME WHO'S NOT OVER JJK BLONDE SELFIE AND WILL NEVER BE -💫

HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO <33333333

HONESTLY ITS THE WAY YOH SAY SUCH NICE THINGS AND I DISAPPEAR FOR DAYS ON END BECAUSE INCONSISTENCY BLEEDS INTO EVERY CORNER OF MY LIFE FNEKALKD BUT I'M GETTING DONE WITH MY FIRST LEG OF EXAMS ON MONDAY SO YAY TO THAT!! OKAY I THINK WE'LL MOVE SLOWLY WITH BABY STEPS JUNGKOOK DROPPED SOME SELCAS JIMIN DROPPED SOME SELCAS IN THE WORDS OF THE LEGENDARY JEON JUNGKOOK ALL WE NEED NOW IS "together..BAM!" (THAT'S LITERALLY ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOMENTS EVER THE WAY HE SAYS IT 🤧)

YES IN THIS HOUSE WE SCREAM OVER JIMIN'S DISRESPECT HE IS THE PARAGON OF A MULTI-FACETED MAN THAT HAS US WRAPPED AROUND HIS FINGER. THE AUDACITY 😤

CHANEL X JIMIN LETS MAKE IT HAPPEN AND OMG THAT SELFIE THAT DROPPED?? SIR???? WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?? I MEAN YES BH SAID LET'S DROP SELFIES IN BULK BUT THAT ONE PICTURE OF HIM IN BLACK(GREY? I DONT KNOW FHSKKAJF) WITH THE SHIRTS UNBUTTONED!!! THEM COLLARBONES ARE FREE AND THEY'RE THRIVING IN THE OPEN IN THAT ONE. ALSO HIS LIPS ARE SO PRETTY. OH GOD LITERALLY HE HAS THAT COCKY SMIRK ON HIS FACE WHEN HE KNOWS HE DOES HOT BOY SHIT LIKE SHUT UP OK YOU CANT DO THAT JAIL FOR U NDNSLSKAJJW

SUCH A FUCKING TEASE THATS RIGHT!! EVEN STRAIGHT MEN?? BRO LIKE HOW DO YOU HAVE ALL GENDERS JUST TRIPPING OVER THEMSELVES FOR YOU IT'S INSANE AND OMG MISS SHIVI HAVE YOU SEEN THAT ONE CLIP IN WHICH JIMIN HOLDS HIS GAZE WITH THESE MEN WHO LOOK AT HIM (i think it was bon voyage?) and when they cross each other he JUST SMIRKS AND RUNS HIS HAND THROUGH HIS HAIR LIKE YEAH OK ALEXA PLAY I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT. AND YES I'LL LISTEN TO EVERYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY ANYTIME 💗💗

12PM KST IS THE HOLY HOUR I TELL YOU ALTHOUGH I REMEMBER WAITING THE NIGHT BEFORE BE CAME OUT WAITING FOR SOMETHING TO COME AND BH WAS JUST LIKE "yea...no" OMG THAT'S AWESOME YOUR COUSIN'S VISITING YOU

HHFJDOSO YEAH IT'S BEEN A WHILE SINCE THEY DID THE JUMP ALTHOUGHHHH I'M POSITIVE THEY'LL DO SMTH COOL LIKE THAT IN THEIR CONCERTS BECAUSE THEIR PERFORMANCE QUALITY IS JUST.. THROUGH THE ROOF IT'S CRAZY!! WHEN THE PERFORM WINGS?? LIKE HOLY SHIT NO CHOREO NO POSITIONS JUST BTS RUNNING AROUND THE STAGE MAKING THE CROWD GO FERAL I LOVE EVERY WINGS PERFORMANCE SO MUCH MY SEROTONIN LEVELS ARE ALWAYS AT A HIGH THEN. OOHH MY GODDD BS&T IS REALLY THAT BITCH!!!! WHO'S DOING IT LIKE HER TODAY NO ONE IS EXACTLY. AND NOOOO I TOTALLY GET IT WE THINK ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH THAT ACCIDENT HAS THE SAME EFFECT ON ME. IF ONLY YOU'D TOLD ME THEN IN 2016 THAT THAT ACCIDENT WAS THE START OF SO MANY I'D BE PREPARED FOR EVERYTHING THAT FOLLOWED (see: him basically stripping himself that one serendipity performance. holy shit.)

FOR REAL THO CHRISTMAS LOVE DROPPED OUT OF NOWHERE AND DO YOU REMEMBER JIMIN SAYINF uUH iM nOt wORkInG oN a SoLo SoNg aT ThE mOmEnT heHe LIKE ALL MEN DO IS LIE OK AT THIS POINT. BYE. YES TAEHYUNG DID WARN US BUT ARMYS (LIKE MYSELF) PUT THEIR CLOWN WIGS ON AND THOUGHT IT WAS KTH1 LMAO. OMG I HOPE YOU DON'T SLEEP THROUGH ANY OF THEIR UPCOMING SONG RELEASES BUT I'M SURE IT'S THE BEST FEELING TO WAKE UP TO CHECK YOUR NOTIFS AND SEE "Big Hit Labels" BECAUSE THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW IT'S GOING TO BE FIREEE. DUDE SERIOUSLY I NEED JIMIN TO GO LIVE AGAIN (although we've been well fed by namjoon for now🤧😌💗) LIKE THAT ONE YT LIVE WHERE HE SAID "O...M...G" SHUT UP STOP BEING SO CUTE I'M DHJSWLIFJWKALS

LMAO OKAY YEAH THAT'S VALID YOUR BLOG THEME IS BASICALLY ✨jimin✨ AND I LOVE THAT IT REALLY GRAVITATED ME AND YOUR URL OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDD YOUR BRAINNN 💆‍♀️💆‍♀️💆‍♀️💆‍♀️💆‍♀️

YES YES YES JIMIN IS SO PERFECT AND THE SOCK DOODLESSS 😭😭😭 oooo so when did you get into giffing? how did you start? BROOOOO YOUR URL'S ORIGIN STORY. I LOVE IT WOW YES IT'S DEFINITELY GOT THE REQUIRED ✨pazzaz✨

NOOO OMG THIS URL IS YOUR BRAND LIKE YOU'RE A LEGEND ON ARMYBLR I LOVE IT SO MUCH. BUT STILL!! IT'S YOUR CHOICE AT THE END 💖

OMG QUARANTINE DID IT'S ONE GOOD JOB AND GOT YOU INTO BANGTAN YAY. OMG YOU AND MISS LIFEGOESMON ARE FRIENDSS??? LEGENDS INTERACTING THIS IS SO COOL. LMAO THE PARADIGM SHIFT YOU MUST'VE FELT FROM LISTENING TO STAY GOLD (WHICH BTW THE MV...THE LITERAL CUTEST OH GOD THE LITTLE DOG AND JIMIN'S LITTLE SMILES DHSJAOWO) TO THEN GOING TO BST IN WHICH JIMIN IS BASICALLY STRIPPING AND JUNGKOOK IS UPSIDE DOWN LMAOOO. YES BS&T HAS EVERYONE HOOKED THE POWERRRR. YOU FALLING DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE WITH YOUR FRIEND'S ASSISTANCE OH GOD THIS IS SO CUTE 💓 EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM 🥺🥺🥺

AAAAH OKAY MY STORY ISN'T AS INTERESTING AS YOURS IS BUT IN 2016 BASICALLY ALL I KNEW OF KPOP WAS GANGNAM STYLE AND WASNT WILLING TO CUANGE THAT PERCEPTION (FOOL BEHAVIOUR I TELL YOU) AND WAS TOO BUSY OBSESSING OVER ONE DIRECTION'S REUNION AND SO ONE NIGHT (THE NIGHT BEFORE JIMIN'S BIRTHDAY 🤧🤧) I JUST STUMBLED UPON THEIR BS&T TEARS MV AND I HEARD IT AND I WAS LIKE OMG!! THIS IS THAT SUPER ADDICTIVE SONG THAT I'D HEARD SOMEWHERE AND IT JUST SPIRALLED FROM THERE I REMEMBER SEEING JIMIN AND BEING LIKE 👀👀👀👀 WHO IS HE I LIKE HIM AND JUST HIS AURA DREW ME IN SOOO MUCH AND WHEN I WAS GETTING INTO THEM I REMEMBER WRITING THEIR NAMES IN MY NOTES TO SEE IF I COULD REMEMBER 🤧 AND I STILL HAVE THAT NOTE FROM 4+ YEARS AGO 💓 AND YEAH BASICALLY SEEING THEM DO ALL THE MUSIC SHOWS AND STUFF AT THE TIME WAS SO COOOL AND MIND YOU BH DIDN'T HAVE SUBS FOR BANGTAN BOMBS THEN SO WENT ON THESE SKETCHY DAILYMOTION TYPE SITES LOOKING FOR ALL THE CONTENT I COULD CHURN OUT LMAO

AND YES!! COURTESY OF YOU I DID WATCH SOME RUN EPS!! I WATCHED THEIR CANADA ONES SPEAKING OF WHICH I LOOOVE THAT PART WHERE THEY'RE DOING THAT SONG GUESSING THING IN THE MORNING AND JIMIN SAYS "are you cold?" 🥺🥺 TO TAE AND HUGS HIM URRHRHEHSJSJSH AND I ALSO SAW THE ONES WITH THE PUPPIES GODDDDD I LOVE THE PUPPIES ONE SO MUCH LITERALLY JUNGKOOK AND HIS DOG (MIRI?) OH MY GOD THAT LIL FLUFFER AND ADAM IS MY ICON WITH HOW HE JUST DID HIS OWN THING LMAO.

BUT ANYWAY!! DO YOU HAVE A FAVE ERA?? LIKE DO YOU EVER LOOK AT THEM AND GO "Damn I wish I was a fan then" BECAUSE HONESTLY I WISH I HAD STANNED THEM IN THEIR DOPE ERA BUT I DON'T THINK I WOULD HAVE SURVIVED JIMIN THEN DHKSOWID-💫

FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME!!!!!!! ITS OKAY!!!!!!!! I TOTALLY TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!!!!! AND YAYYYYY CONGRATS I HOPE THE FIRST LEG OF EXAMS WENT WELL <333333 AND OH MY GOD you’re gonna make me cry with the together baam goddddddd same one of my fave moments and jimin’s giggles after that 😭😭😭😭 my babies <3 :((((

that..... black suit selca....... that opened button...... like open one more dear sir who’s stopping you... just do it <33333 YEAH he totally needs to shut up with his i know im hot side it just kills me every single time 😭😭😭😭😭

LISTEN THAT BV3 MOMENT  S H O O K  ME OKAY????? THOSE GUYS LOOKED AT HIM AND HE WAS SO FUCKING SMUG ABOUT IT (AND HE SHOULD BE) AND THE WAY HE LICKED HIS LIPS AND RAN HIS HANDS THROUGH HIS HAIR????? LIKE HE KNOWS HE HAS EVERY SINGLE PERSON; NO MATTER WHAT GENDER; WRAPPED AROUND HIS LIL PINKY LIKE THAT???????

OH MY GOD ME TOO I LOVEEEEEEEEEEE THE WINGS STAGE AND WATCHING THEM HAVE SO MUCH FUN IS JUST SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I ALSO ABSOLUTELY LOVVVEEE THEIR ENERGY DURING THE SY TOUR MEDLEY WITH IDOL AND BAEPSAE AND FIRE AND DOPE ZSXDFGFCHGVJBHJN THEY JUST LOSE THEMSELVES IN THE CROWD AND THE MUSIC AND ITS JUST SO FUCKING SURREAL TO WATCH HOW MUCH THEY ENJOY DOING WHAT THEY DO!!!!! kinda makes me want to find that happiness and passion in whatever i do in my professional life <3 and LISTEN jimin said the break the soul commentary THAT HE COULD DO SERENDIPITY SHIRTLESS TOO. THE AUDACITY. HE SAID THAT WITH HIS WHOLE CHEST. 

YOU KNWO WHAT I THINK JIMIN WON’T GIVE US A HINT BEFORE DROPPING PJM1. HE’LL JUST DROP IT ONE FINE DAY OUT OF NOWHERE LIKE HE DROPPED PROMISE AND CHRISTMAS LOVE (i wasn’t here when he dropped promise but i read that on twitter sdfghjkl) AND NO PLS NO I DO N O T WANT TO SLEEP THROUGH JJK1 OR KTH1 OR PJM1 OR KSJ1 OR NAMGI MIXTAPE 3 OR HOBI MIXTAPE 2 OR ANYTHING BASICALLY YOU GET IT i had slept through dynamite cb because i had NO CLUE that they were gonna drop it at 1pm kst rather than 12 am kst. i was under the impression that since they dropped all the teaser pictures and the teaser itself as 12 am kst, the mv will drop at 12 am kst too. and I woke up like two hours after the mv dropped (which was almost noon my time) and i felt like A FUCKING FOOL AND I JUST 😭😭😭😭 NEVER WANT TO FEEL LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN 😭😭😭 

AND YES BABIE NEEDS TO COME LIVE SOON PLS I MISS HIM SO FUCKING MUCH :((((( AND HIS O...M.....G HAD MADE ME FUCKING SOBBBBBBBBBBB his yt live god he looked sooooooo fluffy with his hair and his tiny hands and his puppy eyes and soft voice im just so 😭😭😭😭😭😭

NO NONNONONONO PLEASE IM NO LEGEND DON’T SAY THAT IM EMBARRASSED im just a normal fangirl who makes okayish gifs 😭😭 and ok yes so i started giffing LONNNGGGGGG time back on a different public fan forum from my country but i never knew the right process and stuff so obviously the gifs were shitty lmao BUT ANYWAY i got into gifmaking PROPERLY this in july last year and obviously struggled a lot in the beginning because i didn’t know shit about colouring and stuff lmao but i kept practicing and even though im not perfect rn i do think that i got better. i love giffing tho. its such a nice creative outlet and whenever i gif the boys it brings me so much happiness :( <33

AND YES ASDFGHJKL ME AND HER ARE FRIENDS SINCE A VERY LONG TIME SDFGHJK LIKE LONG BEFORE BOTH OF US GOT INTO BTS SDFGHJ and ah yes the whiplash lmaooooooo and you’re right god the stay gold mv is SO FUCKING PRETTY THE COLOURS IN THAT ENTIRE MV HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AND JIMIN AND TAE AND JOON WITH THE DOGGO JUST EVERYTHING SDFGHJK <3333333 AND BS&T DUDE I GIFFED THE MV YESTERDAY AND IM 💀💀💀💀💀 (like i just giffed jimin from the mv but i did watch the whole thing 5647589 times <333333) AND GUESS WHAT!!!!!! I WAS A LILLY SINGH FAN (IDK IF YOU KNOW HER SHE’S A YOUTUBER) BACK IN 2016 AND PEOPLE BACK THEN HAD REQUESTED HER TO REACT TO BS&T MV AND I HAD WATCHED HER REACTION VIDEO AND (although it didn’t stick with me back then because i was a fucking fool) I DID SOMEHOW REMEMBERED THE JIN AND STATUE KISSING MOMENT AND WHEN IN 2020 I SAW THE MV AND SAW THE KISSING MOMENT MY BRAIN JUST!!!!!!!!!!! I WAS LIKE HOLY SHIT I HAVE SEEN THIS BEFORE SOMEWHERE AND THEN I REMEMBERED I HAD SEEN THIS IN THE REACTION VIDEO LMAOOOOO i wish i hadn’t been a fool and gotten into them back then :((((

AH NO OMG YOUR STORY IS SOOOOOOO CUTEEEEEEEEEE ATLEAST YOU WEREN’T A FOOL LIKE ME TO NOT GET ATTRACTED TO BS&T THE FIRST TIME OF SEEING IT!!!! I WANNA HIT MY 2016 SELF LIKE DAMN YOU YOU FOOLISH ASSHOLE AND yes omg how did y’all do the subs thing damnnnnn i can’t imagine

AND YES THE CANADA RUN EPIS ARE LOOOVVVEEEE and that vmin moment plsssssss i cry everytime 😭😭😭😭😭 it is just so soft and innocent and tae’s little smile after jimin just turns around and hugs him 😔😔😔😔 i love soulmates 😔😔😔😔 AND MIRI YES OMG EVERYONE WAS SO IMPRESSED BY THE LITTLE CUTIE AND THE WAY JUNGKOOK JUST KEPT ADORING HER THROUGHOUT MADE ME SO SO SOFTTTT and bro adam is me. i am like that. lazy and un-motivated AF. although if i were a dog and jin were to be my owner i would listen to him so well and jump on him every chance i’d get 😌😌😌

GOD YES RED HAIR DOPE ERA JIMIN 💀 BABIE BUT MAKE IT SEXY 🥵🥵 AND OMG YESDGFHG MY FAVE ERA IS HYYH. ORANGE HAIRED JIMIN. PLS. HE’S EVERYTHING. I WISH I HAD GOTTEN INTO THEM DURING THAT. LIKE THAT ERA IS ..... SOMEHOW SO FUCKING WILD AND STILL SO ASSURING AND CALMING ????? KEEPS ME ROOTED LIKE IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN DFGHJKL AND WINGS TOO DAMN I WISH I WAS HERE TO LIVE ALL THOSE AMAZING ERAS. but even though i wish i had gotten into them earlier... i think i found them when i needed them the most. I was going through a very difficult time last year and they somehow they made me feel so fucking safe and at home that the connection was instant. honestly i’ve never stanned or felt a connection with any celebrity as strong as the one i feel with bangtan. its like... they don’t know i exist but they still know EXACTLY what im feeling and what to say or do at that time to make me feel comforted. Its weird god but its true :((( SORRY I GOT EMO I JUST LOVE THEM A LOT SDFGHJKL

[lgbtqlegends]

angst + sleepy!sara headcanons part 4

there've been times on rough nights when sara's gotten up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom but then as she's washing her hands in the sink, she catches sight of herself in the mirror and is filled with just absolute disgust and pure hatred for the person she sees staring back at her

and she's about to just look down and finish washing her hands so that she can just get out of the bathroom and back to ava. but then her thoughts get loud and her mind is screaming at her to just go back to bed, with ava, but her body just will not move and so she's stuck staring at herself in the mirror

and her thoughts are getting louder, yelling "monster. monster. monster. you're a fucking monster. a screw-up. a killer. you ruin everyone's lives. you don't deserve to be happy. you should've fucking died on the gambit. everyone's lives would've been better for it."

and suddenly it's all too much and sara can't take it anymore and before she even realizes what she's doing, she yells "STOP! JUST SHUT UP!" and she's punching the mirror and her hand is bloody and the mirror is shattered but she's still punching it and she's crying but she doesn't wanna fucking look at herself anymore because all she sees staring back at her is a fucking monster and she can't stand it anymore

and ava woke up hearing a crash and yelling that sounded a lot like sara (and she knew that it sounded like sara because it was sara). and now she's in panic mode because oh god what happened is she okay??

so she rushes to find her and it turns out she's in the bathroom so she walks in and sees sara sobbing, sees her punching the remnants of the now-shattered mirror with a really bloody hand. and for a moment, she freezes and doesn't know what to do but then her brain kickstarts again and she pulls sara back away from the mirror and out of the bathroom

and sara just collapses against the hallway wall and ava kneels down in front of her, carefully takes sara's hands in her own and is like "sara, baby, what happened?"

sara just shakes her head and sobs, and ava cups sara's face in her hands so that she meets her eyes and her heart breaks at the pain she sees there. and sara clearly won't be talking just yet so ava just goes and grabs the first aid kit to take care of sara's hand and wrap it up

and while she's doing that, sara asks a question that makes her heart hurt even more because the way she asked it,,, her voice sounded so broken and the question itself was a little hard to hear because sara was still sobbing and her voice was so small, but ava still heard it anyway, the unmistakable "why haven't you left yet? I'm not worth it." like a knife right through ava's heart

so she just finishes taking care of sara's hand while she thinks of just how to respond to that. and once she's done, she takes sara's face in her hands again, gently wipes away some of her tears and blows out a breath before she's like "sara, baby, i want you to listen to me, okay? I love you. and i am not leaving you. ever. you are so worth it, and you deserve the world and I'm so sorry that the world continuously made you think you don't. you are... so kind, and so brave, and so amazing and so beautiful and so, so loved. you are not a monster. you are not a screw-up. you are not a killer. and you are not worthless. and no matter what your mind is telling you right now, you deserve to live, and love and be loved and be happy, sara. and im so sorry you're in so much pain right now, but im here for you. through everything. okay? i love you. i love you so much. come here."

and sara just nods and sobs harder and ava pulls her close- as tight as she can- and cradles sara's head against her neck while sara grips at her like she's the only thing keeping her afloat

and sara gasps out that it feels like she's drowning and she's so fucking tired and everything fucking hurts and and it's so hard. and she gasps out that she doesn't know how much more of it she can take because god it's like she can't keep her head above water. and she begs ava not to let her drown, begs her to help her keep her head above water

and another sob rips through her, wracks her body and she clutches harder at ava and ava just holds her tighter because she doesn't think she's ever seen sara quite this broken, quite this Not Okay, not even after mallus or crisis. and all she wants to do is take sara's pain away because god sara deserves the world but not this,,, she doesn't deserve to be in so much fucking pain that she can't stand to look at herself in the mirror

and ava nods in response to sara's pleas and kisses her head and just says over and over again that she loves her so, so much. and sara's sobs eventually quiet down to soft whimpers and ava manages to get her up off the floor and back to their room. and they can worry about the bathroom tomorrow because all that matters right now is sara because she's far from any semblance of okay and she's exhausted, not only mentally but physically as well

so ava just lays down in bed and pulls sara to lay on top of her and she pulls the blankets up around them and pulls sara as close as she physically can before kissing her head and whispering for her to sleep and get some rest and that she'll be here when she wakes up and that she doesn't ever have to do this alone anymore

sara just burrows closer (somehow) and goes to sleep with her grip tight on ava's shirt. and the last thing she hears before she finally drifts to sleep is ava, murmuring as softly as she can "i love you so much, baby. more than you could ever possibly know."

and ava knows they have a long way to go, tonight only proved that and by the looks of it, sara had been spiralling for a while and ava's only regret is that she didn't see it sooner, but no matter how far they have to go, ava knwos they'll get there together, so she lets herself fall asleep with sara safe in her arms

[epic-sorcerer]

Fuck

(Tw antiblackness)

Okay so when I was 11 my mom read this book to me about the 5 Chinese personality elements. Ever sense then I was fascinated by it and wanted to create OCs of my own to respresent them.

Bc my adhd can cause weird motivation and memory, I cared only with developing characters and story lines and slowly forgot the actual sorce material.

When I first started, I decided to focus more on story and not on character disign. Because mostly I took inspiration from vocaloid songs(you can tell this was a while ago) I decided to make them all Japanese so I could narrow their look way down compared to shapeless blobs in my mind.

Years past and I decided I didn’t like this anymore. I was ready to do the complete opposite and have a very diverse cast of characters. My strategy was to chose a culture in any where in the world, at any time, that most prioritized and valued what each element had to give and generally imbodied. Especially bc I wanted each character to be the most extreme form of their elements and often invisioned each character to be a political representative for each colony of element.

I good way to put this in perspective is to imagine I was making a communism OC so I made them Chinese or USA American. Basically that would chosenthose cultures bc it is something it generally is really extreme about and is known for.

My first real character disign was fire. I made her a Scottish pict, as I could give her red hair and have her be her full passionate and chaotic self.

All the other ones are up in the air. But I realized that it would be really cool to make tree be an African person with a 4c type Afro and a long and skinny body type. That’s the most tree like I could have made someone! I was so happy and got really attached to my black tree character. I new that Africa was huge and old, and that’s not even counting the West Indies. Of course I could find a culture that was tree-like. All I needed to do was look.

All of this screeched to a hault today. I decided to look up the tree personality after years and years and was met with something heart breaking.

Aggressive, angry, reckless, arrogant, etc. this reminds me of the angry black stariotype mixed with the newer unreasonable blm protester one.

I’m unsure if I’m being too paranoid or if I’m being reasonable when I say that I’m not sure if I can make tree black. Even though the negitive descriptions are for when tree is unbalanced, it still doesn’t make it okay imo.

From a writers perspective, it makes snese to start characters at when they are unbalanced, because then it’s an easy wrote to character development. Even if I don’t do this, I have no choise but to make this character aggressive sometimes if I truly want to stay true to Tree.

For perpective here’s the other elements’ triats from Wikipedia

Fire also is aggressive. And also waters positive and negative traits are opposites. Earth is a mix of all elements so im imagining earth may also be aggressive when unbalanced. Do you think I can make this work or should I change tree’s race?

Fire is a white Celtic. And I’m unsure what culture I want earth to belong to. I’m thinking of making water be a Samoan(not sure what time period), metal is still Japanese for now but I am unsure if that still fits my change in casting intentions so that’s probably going to change. Basically what I’m saying is that I’m only really going to have one white character, bc I want the cultures to be spread out throughout the map.

I know black people are often forced to constantly be on their toes in turns of wether or not something is anti black and if they are unsafe in that environment. I’m not black, but I belong to multiple minority groups and I understand that feeling to a terrifying degree. The last thing I would want is to make a choise that resembles anti black caricatures and put black poeple in the position of wondering if I dislike them or if they are unsafe around me.

I understand that feeling, and I don’t want to put poeple throguh taht. I still want to have a super inclusive cast, but I’m also aware that I have to be very careful as a white writer. Even though my intentions were good, I accidentally associated a black character with aggressiveness and that’s extremely hurtful. I’m also aware that if I represent a black character well, it can be uplifting to a black audience that I took so much care to learn about an African culture and put it in a positive light.

I remember when I was a baby gay and I came across this channel run by a cishet who dedicated a large protion of his videos to calling out lgbt phobia and premoting the idea that we deserve to have rights and to feel safe and happy as who we are. I was in awe a cishet would do taht for us and felt personally touched. I want to be able to do something that other people feel that same way about, because it’s truly a beutiful thing.

So...where do I go from here? Do I change trees race to a different one? Please be honest. I know I say I have rejection sensitivity dysphoria, but that dosnt mean you can’t criticize me. It only means taht you have to be careful and not angry. I truly want to make this story the best it can be, and I want to know if I’m doing the right thing if I change tree’s race to something else. 

I want all people to feel safe while experiencing my work(idk if it will be a book or what, it’s very early in development).

I have no intention on making tree a villain, instead a good character who is the sweetest person you can meet. I feel like I would make fire much more angry and aggressive bc of the Scottish pict emphasis on war and and never backing down, to make my intentions clear.

But even then, that doesn’t change that tree is so connected to anger. And I’m not sure how I can work with that so if doesn’t seam like an anti black stariotype

Anger, anger, anger. I don’t knwo what to do. Please help, preferably black users because yall definitely know heaps more about this than me as a white person.

Please knwo that I mean well, and I’m never intended to make my tree character black if I remembered how heavily it’s associated with anger. All I remembered was the optimism and happiness, as I am sensitive to negativity and my brain probably forgot about the dark side of tree on purpose when I was 11 and didn’t even think of making tree black. I’m so disappointed in myself and I promise you I can do better. I just need some guidance. I’m sorry to anyone I may have let down. I hope I can grow form this and make this story the best it can be.

Edit: I think it’s also nessissary to note that the positive triats are for when the person is in balance or in a good head space, the negative ones for the opposite. That’s why the negative and positive triats seam like opposites, bc that’s what they are. Idk if I made that clear so I’m adding it now!

[jazzypizzaz]

liiveblogging my every reaction to The Man Who Would be King cuz hey TGIF

“the way whatver’s going on with Cas has been alluded to in passing all season and now we get The STory ??? fuck, I take it back about dumb AUs, this is the best type of episode

one minute in and this is the MOST epic way to start any story

“I remember that fish” ok lmao

WHO IS HE TELLING THES TORY TO I NEED TO KNWO WHO

“cas you’ll call right... if you get into real trouble...” HELP pointed looks... dean worries. he does care cas he doesn’t Get It but he cares!!

DEAN CHANGED HIM HE OWES EVERYTHING IMPORTANT TO DEAN

the fact that cas raised dean from hell and that had such a Profound (positive) Impact on both him and the world, that he’s immediately all cocky like sure I’ll pull Sam out of hell next, no problemo... not the same buddy

Dean defending Cas and feeling bad about keeping their crowley hunt secret :-( he’s loyal to him

“he could make a mistake, he ‘s the Balki Bartokomous of angels” quick wiki of this and “ However, Larry soon realizes that for all of Balki's naivety and cultural malapropisms, he otherwise is a very intelligent and courageous man of many talents who often saves the day himself. “ awwww

“you think cas is in with CROWLEy?!” i meeeeean literaly everyone seems to be in with crowley at some point so like. stones and glass houses and whatever. every episode is you making a deal with evil people or whatnot it just happens

sam like “we’re all friends, i’d die for him i would, but” okay yeah sure it’s not the same tho!!!

CAS IS WATCHING THIS CONVO OMG I HAD TO PAUSE AND REWIND

i don’t udnerstand when demons eyes turn black instead of human-passing. only when the tv audience needs confirmation?

“i favor the eternal tuesday afternoon of an autistic man who drowned in a bathtub in 1953″ wow dang that’s like a whole sentence that cas said wasn’t it huh

ah SO MANY classic lines in this one A+++

is there literally anything going on in any of these angels’ heads. like. raphael wants to be in Power, ok sure, but Why. is there any reason whatsover. what does anyone want like actually

DEAN’S LOYALTY!!! ;_; ;_; ;_;

“cas is busy” “that’s okay we are too” jklfsdjlk classic ‘i texted my crush and they left me on read and now im pretending like I have an active life and im not just waiting by the phone for them to respond’

[this isn’t a good idea but] “on the other hand, they were my friends” this summarizes cas’ whole thing doesn’t it. everything :(

“i went to an old friend for help” uuhh you’re a million years old and you’ve only konwn him for like two?? does that count as an old friend. i mean. it sounds like he’s the ONLY friend you’ve ever had so :( it’s older than any other friendship of his :( :( :(

he doesn’t want to ask dean for anything more :-(

NONCONSESENtUAL LEAF RAKING

i’ve been wondering what humans have to do with anything wrt to Heaven cuz like. no one seems to care about humans, so why are tehy even there. what’s the point of it all. and this seems to say -- as batteries??? Souls are powerful and hte more souls you’ve got, the more power

what is the point of power if you dont’ want to do anything with it

(this isn’t about you Cas you’re doing beautiful sweetie, you want power for freedom, which is sexy, at least right now)

“TWO teen beat models” and Cas “No not Dean” jlkdfskjl sam’s fine then sure i See You buddy

the way Cas is always turning, looking away when he’s got something to say. his eyes. he’s very good at Looking Intentionally.

“you gotta look at me man” THEY SHARE A PRFOUND  BOND OKAY profound. i’ts profound.

“raphael will turn the world into a graveyard” BUT LIKE. WHYYY why would he do that. i dont’ remember or care but why.

FUCK LEAVES FLASHBACK WHERE WERE YOU HE WAS WATCHING THE RAKING shit

“i’m doing this for you dean” OK WHAT THE FUCK he just says that outloud

he called him Family :( :( :( oh buddy we’re in it now

dean is Against cas’s whatever cuz of Reasons that cas should subscribe to just cuz ?? demons bad blah blah blah trust blah blah idk BUT WHY THO

i guess my problem is i want demons to just be Funky Little Dudes causing problems for fun I guess. not ~~pure evil~~

Oohh hes talking to God, of course of course

sad cas is sad but also sad cas Good TV lkjdfs

[finding-the-daylight]

So, now that my finals are officially over, I am going to proceed to have a drink or two or three and rewatch Eclipse. Here’s (soberly) what I remembered from the film prior to starting this account (since starting this account, posts re:Eclipse have reminded me of things I’m not going to include in this introduction): 

1. Bella is basically playing tic-tac-toe with Edward and Jacob and her feelings for them. She can’t make up her mind. When I watched it the first time, my dad was in the living room half paying attention to it and said she was very selfish. 

2. Edward tries to control Bella, but it’s “out of genuine concern for her”.

3. Jacob tries to control Bella, but it’s “out of genuine concern for her”.

4. Both fight for her affection and even though she’s engaged to Edward, she won’t let go of Jacob.

5. When the newborn army shows up, Bella cuts her arm with a rock.

6. There’s awkward tension in the tent.

That’s literally all I remember of the movie while sober (aside from what I have relearned from posts about Eclipse on this blog). My drunken thoughts will be below the break:

Okay, so this dude I think his name is Riley is lowkey kinda dumb, no offense. Like he just stood there and screamed “WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?” This is how all horror movies end badly. You don’t talk back. You run or hide or esape.

THE MEADOW IS SO FUCKING PRETTY. IT’S THE PUREST THING WE HAVE IN THIS FANDOM OMG HE’S PLAYING WITH EHR HAIR AND I JUST WANT SOMEOEN TO PLAY WITH MY HAIR. DAMN BELLA, MY FINALS ARE OVER. SUCKS TO SUCK, DOESN’T IT?

I never noticed the CUllen cuff before, but now thanks to this blog it’s all I’m looking @ lmao. 

I FCKING LOVE CHARLIE TOO MUCH AND HE DESERVED BETTER THIS WHOLE TIME. HE IS SUCH A GOOD FATHER AND HE DESERVES THE BEST.

THERE’S A GLOWING RED LIGHT OUTSIDE MY WINDOW WTF I THINK IT’S THE REFLECTION OF A CAR LIGHT BUT I FUCKING SWEAR

NVM ITS GONE

WHAT THE FUCK EDWARD?? YOU MESSED WITH BELLA’S TRUCK SO SHE COULDN’T SEE HER FRIEND? FUCK. I WOULD’VE DUMPED YOU AND LEFT YOU IN THE WOODS BRO.

Edward sitting with Bella’s friends. We can’t help but stan. He’s still a bitch for the truck thing though. 

I love how Alice looks @ Edward and tells him the party will be fun because she knows nothing bad will happen. But then he reads her mind and looks conerned wtf is ognna happen?

Side note: I really like the lighting in this movie. Everyone has a healthly glow. They lokk happy.

The fucking Volturi always gotta ruin everything. Bitch ass hoes. Ol’ crusty asses acting like some outdated monarchy. Why don’t the vamprires start a democratic government?

Charlie really deserved better. Like I know they couldn’t tell him teh truth but they could’ve been slightly less untruthful prbabl.

I WANNA FIND SOMEONE WHERE MY MOM SAYS WE’RE LIKE MAGNETS WITH EACH OTHER. I WANT SOMEONE TO LOOK @ ME LIKE I’M THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE. DAMNIT EDWARD. DAMNIT STEPHENDW. 

Y’ALL ARE TELLING ME THE ENTIRE CULELN CLAM COMBINED COULDN’T TKAE OUT VICTORIA? THIS SHIT IS GETTING UNREALISTIC LMAO.

THE MUSIC THAT STARTS PLAYING WHEN JAKE TURNS AROUND IN THE PARKING LOT SENT ME LMAOOOOO. 

Leah is such a badass and I wnat to be best friends with ehr plase. 

ALSO FCK THIE IMPRINTING STORYLINE. 

SAM AND LEAH WERE HAPPY TOGETHER.

NO BELLA YOU DON’T FUCKING WANNA KNOW WHAT IMPRINTING IS. NONE OF US WANTD WTO KNWO. IT NEVER SHOULDVE BEEN WRITTEN.

Taylor and Kristen are such babies in this movie. They’re so young and precious. WHIH REMINDS ME WHY TF DID SPTHEJNFNWFNA MAKE THIS SEIRESO ABOUT CHIDLREN??!?! I STILL SAY IF THE CHARACTERS HAS BEWNNF MORE MATUEE AND IN LIKE THEIR MID OR LATE TWNETIEMS OR THIRTIS IT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER. FIUCKUNG FIGHT ME.

INITING BELLA TO HEAR THE TRIBE’S HISTORIES? THE CULTURAL APPROPRIATION FUCK STEPHEN0AWFJQ. BITCHJ.

SETH IS SO PRECIOUS. AGAIN. THEY’RE ALL SUCH BABIES. THESE POOR CHILDREN.

this hwoel shite is sof ukcing offensie. bitch. listen. why tf did stpehwb fafb have to appropriate cultues like this? BITCH>> you do realize if the legnds are actually like this they’rel ike that because it’s aout defeating yo white as sright? like your’e aware stpehebe ? 

omg bree is so scare d poor baby. literally why did stephenjdbawfbi do this? she just wnated to be ok not hurt anywaon.

exuce me vut CARLISLE IS HOT AS FUCK BITCH

edward is saying some real romantic shit and i sill hate him for the turck thing but like he loves her so much btu he’s stil an asshoel in this smovie

I’M ABOUT TO HATE JACOB I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BONES I’VE SEEN THE GIFS HOE WE GONNA GIGHT. BITCH SHE JUST TOLD YOU SHE DOESN’T LIKE YOU DON’T PUSH HER LIKE THIS. DUMBAS S HOE BITCH. YOU’RE GONNA FIGHT FOR HER? I’M GONNA FUCKIN FIGHT YOU BTCH. I WISH SHE WAS ALREAYD A VAMPIRE SO RTHAT PUNCH WOULDA HURT BITCH YOU DESERVED IT.

THESE FUCKWITS ARE FIGHTING OVER HER AND NOT LISTNEING TO HER THEY ARE BOTCH CANCELLED. BELLA NEEDS TO LEAVE BOTH THESE HOES AND GET A NEW MAN WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS HOW TO LISTNE. BITCHES.

I love Emmett so much. BELLA SHOULD FINA A MAN LIKE HIM. IT’S WHAT SHE DESERVES.

ROSALIE IS ABOUT TO POP TF OFF. SHE IS A QUEEN AND I LVOE AND SUPPORT HER. the saddest thing about this is that she thought her life was perfect and then some fucking asshoes ruiend it. she was so happy. wtf im gonna cry. fuck. i hate sptehej n so much. these gross ass hoes i’m gonna cik all theyre assses. this is so gross i’m so angry literaluy setthing beithc. BUT THEN SHE GETS HER REVENGE AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL. FUCK THOSE BASTARS. but she;s so sad it breaks my heart. she wants to be human so bad. this scene is so sad and it’s theonly good scene in twilight and nikki reed deserves an ocsa like if you agree.

jane and alec more childrne who should’ve been able to be children fck the volturie

why the hel is jessica the fucking valedinact ion? it should’ve been bella they made her seem so damn smart but now she’s not theo ne? i don’ beliee it. but anna kendrick is a gift and now i wanna watch ptiche perfect. CHARLIE is so pure he deserved better and i’m gona kep saying it.

i love those fucking rose colored lamps hanging at the cullens house int he window at hte party scene can anyone link them to me i need? 

why the hell is the wolfpack athe cullesn hosue? this doesnt make sense and it doesn’t seem real am i too drunk and imabginf this?

jno wait it’s real. jake’s appolgoizng.

how fucking conventinet the woflpakc is there hwen alice realizes there abotu to be attacked. this aint realistc. bitc.

why are these kids being forces to act like audls? “I wans;t asking for permission” hoe you’re like 16 go home and go tib ed and odnt go to war.

these woflies gonan kick yo ass edward get tf out

i’m laughign nrow but nothigng funy is happening lmaoooo

fck carlisle is really hot as fuck his jawline kills me

i hate jasper’s hair here i’m sorry i know we all lovehim bt heis hair is a dam nmess

belal is so fuckign negative all the time no one is gonan get killed exceptsvictoris

THE COWBOOIIIII WHY DOES HE LOOKS LIKE OWNE WILSON IN THIS DAMN LIGHTIN? ALICE AND JASPER LOVE EACH TOHER SO MUCH MY APLOGIZKE MAAM FCK IT UP.

why thfe fuck is hake comparing his situaton with leah and sam and emily? We are nto the same hoe wae are not the same. bella is choosing edward sit yo ass down. but i still thin kyall are both problemastic as fuck in thos movie and hse deserves better.

CHARLIES DESEVRS  BTETER THEY KEEP LYIGN EVEN WHEN THEY DUCKGN DONT NEED TO

reblog if you thought edward and bella wre gona fuc, when she went over to his house in eclipse when yo ufirst read the book or saw the movue

he really oes love her a lot though fkcn i’m so alone 

 he looks si sad wgen he mentind ices tea on the porch poor edward

EVERY DANM MOMENR OF FOREVER BITCG I WANT  LOVE LIK THST 

LITERALLY THIS IS THE SUTPEIDEST PLOT EVER. A WHOLE FUCKIN ARMY TOO ATTACK ONE IGRL? BITCH. THIS AINT EVEM A THING. 

im gettign ral tired yall dik if i waill mke it to the end of this movie but i will tru

i hate the enrgey from jae and efard in this tent. ya’ll are both dumb hoes and she could do better than either ofy ou. 

WRHAT THE FUCK FASTER IF YOUR TOOK YORU CLOTHS OFF BITCH WHAT THE FUCK NOW I AM GONNA FUCKIN PUNCH YOU IB HOEP BELLA OUBCHES YOU WHEN SHES A VMAPRIE STUPID HOE 16 YEAR OLD SHOULD BE AT HOME IN BED INSTEAD OF IN A TENT TRYING TO FIGH A FCUKCN WAR

edward is such an emo boi in the tent and he thinsk she doesn;t lve him any more. yo ua stipiud hoe edearf but she still loves you anwyab ithc.

wheb edward said i’m not gonna force her into naythign ever agin i realized he was hte better man good for you eddie you fickun manned up you win

MY REASON FOR ESXITNST HOE I JST WNAT TO BE LOVED

now edwards bene a fuckboi again trying to hurt jake b ymaking sure he knew they were getting maried edward what the fuck iw was just starting to be on your side agian and you let me down like this

jacob is beign an emo boi now jake go be a child @ home and stop this nonsense you’re not a man go be a chid and take a nap and eat some grilled cheese youkk feel better

now she told him she wants to kiss him wtf bella don’t kead this bitch on he’s already in pain let hom gp home and eat a grilled cheese

mow bella’ supsetti spaghetti because edwards know she kissed jake

this shit is so unenecasialr dramtic wht the fuck yall  like a whole army ofver one girl and then its like all everyboyd trying kill everybody this is bulshittheyre all children who should eb at home eating grileld chesses not at war

victoria is a real bitch lying to this boy telling hin she lvoes him hoe bitch

og shit efward ifs pissed now he’s tauntign ab ithc

i acutaly kinda fel bad for riley he wnet through so mcuh and was manipulated i wish the cullens could have adopted him and bree

oshit is the volutire 

SAM DONT FUCKUGN TALK TO LEAH LIKE THAT EVER AGIAN YOU HOE

CARLISE AND I REPEAT AGAIB IS HOT AS FUCK FUCK CARLISRL

I LITERALLY AHTE THE VOLTURIE FOR KILLIGN VREE THEY WILL NEVER BE FORGIVEN

JASPER KNOWS WHATS GOOD HE DOESN’T TURST THESE HOES

I’M SO PISEED THAT THE CULLENS NEVER FUCKING IFHT THE VOLTURIE LIKE CARLISLES IS SMART AS FUCK AND EHS TILL WONT START A DEMOCRAY LIKE YALL KNOW ROSLAIE WOULDVE FOGUHT FOR THAT SHIT TOO

 I LVOE YOUDADY CARLISLE

THIS 16 YEAR OLD LYING UP HERE BECAUSE OF TE DUMBASS WAR I TOLD YALL TO GO GOEN AND EA A GRILELD CHEDWE

poor jakie he knows hed better good for her but she reallys loves eward jake deserved better than what he got reblog is youf agree he jst said he’s even love her after she’s a vamprie bruh go eat a grilled chease and love yourself

WERE BACK IN THE FUCKING MEADOW ITS LIT AND ITS LOVELY I WANNA FALL IN LOVE IN A MEADOW WITH A HANDAOME MYSTERIOUS MAN WHO LOVES ME UNCODNITONATLY

KIRSTNE STEQARD IS THE WBEST AND SHE DESERVED AN OSCAR FOR THIS MOVIE HER AND NIKKI REED AND NODBOYD ELSE

fianlly this bitch is gonna beh onest with chalrie took you long enough

that was an anticlamtnc ending but i love love

[knightofameris]

(1/3?)Hi! Idk if you're still doing match ups but I was wondering if i could get a haikyu match up pls! If not, please feel free to ignore my ask, I completely understand and hope you're resting 💕 if soooo-I’m a (16) straight cis Hispanic female that’s 5ft tall, I have wide hips, big butt/thighs, my top half ain’t special tho and I have black hair/bangs and dark brown eyes+glasses! I’m a cancer with an INFP personality, I’m shy and closed off at first but as I get used to you I open up.

Heyooo! Sorry for such a late response. I’d have to pair you with Noya!

He’s literally *drinks respect women juice* like have you seen this kid??? (sorry Noya but I call everyone kid LMAO)

I seriously feel like y’all would vibe the most with each other. I dunno if you haven’t seen/listened to the drama CD that talks about Noya’s popularity but essentially it’s broken down to, the reason why Noya isn’t popular with the girls is cus he’s short?? WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY OUTRAGEOUS. 

So, if you’re anything like me (I’m INFP/ENFP and I vibe w/ u) and especially the me from when I was your age, you probably don’t care about height??? Like yeah okay, tol boi with smol gorl do be cute but also we’re already short as fuck so someone that’s Noya’s height probably is whatever as I’ve been with someone his height LOL. 

Anyway, let's get to the story now, shall we? 

How y’all get together: 

so, I wanna say you’re probably in the same class as him (and you may or may not have a crush on him)

you’re probably definitely the quiet kid but with some of your friends you probably clown around here and there

so Noya’s definitely confused because it’s like quiet? or clown? (the duality of man)

anyway, y’all get a project assigned together and despite him seeing how you are with your friends

but is confused because your friends are quietly teasing you and you’re like ):< at them and going all !!! so noya’s like oh im srue we’ll have a good time

but then he’s like  :/ when he finds that you’re super shy w/ him

but throughout the project he gets to know you esp cus you always end up chilling outside or inside the gym where he practices because 

well, you guys walk back to one of your house’s to work on the project!

the team definitely teases him 

it makes the two of y’all blush

but yeah anyway y’all get along pretty well as time goes on and sometimes on your way to work on a project after practice, noya and tanaka kinda drag you into their antics, and ennoshita definitely bags on y’all

ennoshita’s probably like, i didn’t want to have to deal with ANOTHER CLOWN

okay this is getting a bit long BUT EVENTUALLY noya notices how he keeps staring at you, whether you’re watching him at practice even if you’re supposed to be doing work, staring at you during class, or while working on the project

also he gets these weird fluttering feeling in his stomach?

he talks to tanaka about it and tanaka is like BOI YOU’VE GOT IT BAD

and tanaka being the hypeman he is, decides to hype noya up about asking you out or SOMETHING while they’re packing everything in the clubroom

while that’s happening, you’re wondering why he’s taking so long so you decide to go check on him at the club room yourself and that’s when you walk in on tanaka pretending to be you and noya pretending to ask “you” out.

it’s awkward

tsukki happens to be there so tsukki’s just like *sigh* and he pushes up his glasses and just asks, “you can ask the real one instead she’s right here.” 

so noya does but he FLUBS OVER THE WORDS “Out go with me, you?!” 

it’s cute but both of y’all are blushing and so uh YEHA lmaO

I just think y’all would work well because youd’ definitely join him in his antics but also be able to control him to some extent. Plus if he had any doubts about his skills as a libero you’re there to hype him up. And he’s there to hype you up and be the best cuddle buddy ever. He’ll be there to listen to you and even if he doesn’t knwo what to say i think the fact that he truly wants to be there for you is enough.