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#i’m terrified of strangers and a lot of u end up making me sad
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Mettaton’s Backstory:
This is part two of my ghost meta. I’d highly recommend reading part one first, which should be right below this post on my blog. It’s titled “Chara, The Fourth Blook Cousin” and it has the background for how I think ghost might work.
I mostly talked about Undertale ghosts in general and how they could explain Chara’s mysterious presence in the game, but now I want to talk about Mettaton, Maddy and Napstablook, and explain my thoughts on their backstories, why they’re different from other ghosts, how they became a family. Because I think about them literally nonstop
METTATON
He is the baby of the cousins (until Chara comes along)
Ghosts dont age (unless they become corporeal) and the cousins (again except Chara who’s like 12) are all basically in their twenties, but MTT is slightly younger than Maddy and Blooky
And also he was formed extremely recently compared to them
I’ll explain them in depth later but they've both got a few centuries and Mettaton is like,, 70
Literally even Chara was formed longer ago than he was, but Chara doesn’t get adopted by the Blook family for a few decades so he joins first
So Mettaton is in this infuriating state where he is old enough to be losing track of years and struggling to keep up with technology and memes
But at the same time he talks to his cousins and they're like “Infant. Baby Boy. Imagine keeping track of what decade it is, you're so small”
He ends up being the self-designated cousin in charge of keeping track of time and pop culture and whatnot out of spite
He’s like “I’ll never forget what's relavent, its not because i’m baby, its just because i am better than you”
Tiny recap from my previous post- I think ghosts are formed when monsters die while completely unsatisfied,
the ghosts have no memory of who they were and they don't have souls unless and until they become corporeal, but they get their personality and some habits from whoever they were
And mettaton starts out being completely obsessed with this
He wants to know who he was and what life mission he left unfinished
He’s like “its gotta be super important because the universe literally made me immortal so i could finish it”
But figuring it out is… hard
It can take ghosts years to form after someones death and theres just so many monsters its impossible to narrow it down
When he does research he makes a lot of friends with monsters who have recently lost loved ones and he actually gets really good at talking to them and listening to their stories and letting them vent
This is a huge part of the reason he never starts to fade or sink into depression like most ghosts do at first, because he has people to talk to who need him
But also while doing research, he realizes that there’s no one he can find who he WANTS to be?
He’s like “yeah these all seem like they were cool monsters when they were alive but none of them seem like me?”
He has little hints of who he was, he knows he hates being alone and needs people near him always, he knows he’s super curious about learning about other people and reading dramatic stories and listenifn to gossip,, and he is for some reason extremely curious about humans, he knows he loves the color pink and the concept of the stars,,, but like,,, none of those are a life mission,,, they're just little quirks
So anyway like a year in to becoming a ghost, he is being emo and crying about this in waterfall when Maddy finds him and is like “shut up, youre scaring the snails” and he’s like “fight me right now… OH MY GOSH ARE YOU HOLDING A SNAIL THATS THE CUTEST THING EVER”
Maddy and Blooky do not invite him to join their family, he literally adopts himself
He is like. Lovely. Pretty farm. I live here now. I am building a house. I work here now. You are both my cousins.
And they just accept it.
He doesn’t ever really introduce himself to them officially?
He’s still convinced he needs to know who he was, so he’s kind of terrified of having his own opinion on his name or gender or anything because what if he’s wrong?
They both try to ask him who is is or anything about him but he’s just like “Nope Nope Nope, you are not allowed to percieve me yet. Give me attention but do Not perceive”
But he is happy to talk about the snails and to listen about how to care for them
Also he wants to learn more about ghosts because most other ghosts are just little lumps of sadness and regret who dont rlly talk so he tries to like,,, just lay on the floor in blooky’s house and see if theyll tell him things,, or he’ll just bother them until they tell him things
Blooky is the one who introduces him to music, and its mostly by accident
Mettaton is like,, actually fascinated by Blooky’s love of music and is like,, “wait IS it fulfilling? Is THIS what you died to do? Is it your greater purpose? Does it make your life worth living and make everything right and the stars align as you realize who you were before??”
And Blooky is like “I like… drum… sticks go click click and it is nice…”
And Mettaton is like “fascinting.. tell me more.”
So thats how Mettaton gets music lessons from Blooky
He also encourages them to play their music for others and start a band
Which Blooky ends up loving so so much
They dont like talking to strangers but they love performing, its a completely different energy
and thats also how mettaton is introduced to performance
And he’s like “oh. Oh ho ho. This is pretty nifty”
So anyway he continues trying to figure out who he was but he’s also kept more busy and realizes that just. Doing stuff is good
He starts a bunch of clubs and activities and stuff because he adores meeting people and being in the center of attention
Until eventually he makes the human appreciation club and meets a certain lizard
And she REFUSES to talk about herself and Mettaton doesnt know what to do with himself because SOMEONE’s gotta be vulnerable
So it takes him all of two minutes to start gushing about how he’ll never know who he was meant to be and it sucks because how can he ever be himself or become corporeal if he doesnt know what he was supposed to do or look like or be
And alphys is like. “Oh. I could try designing something for you. What do you want to look like?”
And mettaton is like. “Wait. I am allowed to want? I thought i was just. Something. And i have to find it.”
And alphys is like… “listen i am not a ghost expert but i feel like if u could be anything, why not be? Do u want pink swooshy hair?”
And he’s like “oh my god yes please”
He doenst tell his cousins because it still feels illegal to him to just. Decide who he WANTS to be instead of being who he was meant to by the universe
Literally neither of them would care, both of them are so confused by his destiny obsession anyway but unfortunately he is stupid
And then he moves in with alphys while she makes his body and he is just so so happy and he gets to choose what kind of character he’s reborn as
And eventually ofc he does tell his family and they are like “you are stupid. I love you”
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boymeetsmxm · 4 years
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AUGUST 2020 | #3
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Every month, we ask our reader members to rec us some BTS works they’ve enjoyed. The works can come from any source (AO3, Tumblr, Twitter, Wattpad, etc.), can be either a fanfic or a SM AUs, and don’t have to be from our own writer members. We’ve compiled this month’s recs in this list; Happy browsing!
SFW | Fanfic
Acclimatization by peonyswamp
college au | roommates au | oneshot 
Summary: Acclimatization or acclimatisation is the process in which an individual organism adjusts to a change in its environment.In which an individual organism is a sometimes grumpy university student and his environment involves a new roommate, a dog barking all night and other terrifying ordeals.
@taerseok​ said: Okay,,, this fic was absolutely everything and i love the dynamic between sope. it's so cute (mickey stole my heart in this one) and adorable and i was laughing pretty much every time i read the next dialogue. it was so so sweet at the end and for a second i almost expected an angsty ending which i wasn't ready for but then they confessed and i felt so relieved??? the dialogues are top-notch, the characterization is chefskiss, and the plot is just perfect. it's a great story to read when you want something to cheer you up! 
NSFW | Fanfic
Chemical X by jvante 
fluff | smut | humor | angst | oneshot 
Summary:  Jeongguk signs up for cooking classes and meets the love of his life. Seokjin teaches cooking classes and meets his mortal enemy.
@joopiterjoon​ said: This is a feelgood fic. If you are having a bad day, a sad day, a lonely day, read this fic. The friendships are chaotic, the love is silly. Jungkook has the fattest crush with terrible metaphors and he ruins so much food you won't get hungry reading about cooking. Jin has the sass and the class. Vmin are the best worst friends we've all had. It had me lol'ing the whole time. 
forever rain by kimlinebiased
angst with happy ending |  fluff | misunderstandings | implied smut | poly | oneshot
Summary:  Namjoon made a big mistake six months ago and has been hiding from the confrontation he knew would result. The rain can’t hide him forever.
@httpangelicjimin​ said: i found this gem when i should've already been asleep. what draw me in where how beautifully the first few lines were written. i got so emerged in the story and with plot that i couldn't contain myself. i would love to see a second part of this~ oh, and i recommend that you read it while listening to forever rain. you will cry a lot like i did but smile in the end. The rain had finally stopped.
how to talk to other humans (and other valuable life skills) by drawingspaces
fluff | smut | angst | single parent au | completed series
Summary: If love is a word, let it be a song. People rarely get a second chance at growing up. Somehow, Jeongguk lucks out.
@hoeuseok​ said: taekook meet as a student/prof but their relationship doesn’t start until well after that’s over but just in case that makes any one uncomfortable, series. tbh i didn’t know how i’d feel about single dad jungkook but wow did this author pull it off. the characters and their growth in this fic are so beautiful. jungkook trying his absolute best to be a good dad and feeling like he’s falling short and taehyungs endless patience and understanding through it all. just phenomenal writing. this fic wrapped me in a warm blanket and told me it loved me and my flaws.
i like us like this by tendershipping
nsfw | smut | light angst | soulmates | camboy au | BDSM | completed series
 Summary:  Camboy Jimin’s usual playmate cancels on him for an upcoming livestream. Roommate Taehyung volunteers as tribute.
@joopiterjoon said: Jimin needs a sub (pun intended) for his camboy anniversary filming. Best friend Taehyung jumps in to save the day and so much more. I LOVE this series for so much more than the smut. The author focuses a lot on the bond creation and responsibility of a dom even though this is told from the sub (Taehyung's) perspective. There is such a strong emotional connection between these two that is only amplified by the discussions of safety and trust exercises, and the descriptions of Taehyung enjoying being a sub are written so naturally. This is really soft despite the plot content!
kiss me hard before you go by 77735
childhood friends to lovers | roommates | fluff  | oneshot
Summary:  yoongi and hoseok are childhood friends who live in a terrible apartment with min holly. they are also in love with each other. and bad at context clues.
@j-sope​ said: listen. hear me out. i wasn't gonna read a sope fic this month because i wanna explore other pairings more. BUT. this fic. i'm crying first of all the flow of it is insane, repeating certain words here and there is just wow (okay i'm seeing it implemented for the first time now and roy peter clark would probably scold me but it was genius). you sort of just fall in love with their friendship and their shitty apartment from the very beginning and THEN of course the fact that they're in love but are being total dumbasses. okay why am i spoiling the fic lmao, the point is. there's not much more than kissing going on for the most part but it feels like the most intense, wonderful, beautiful thing and i'm here for it okay. i love sope so much (and yoongi you perfect dumbass hobi would never leave you istg) i did feel like crying at one point which just shows that it's a good fic. you feel stuff. and you also smile like a dork the whole time, like i did. 10/10 would recommend (also ot7 moments are hilarious as always) ahhhh i love them!
Shipwreck by Anonymus
angst | fluff | smut | completed series
Summary: Taehyung is a scientist who goes to one of the last remaining forests that have werewolves hoping to study them and understand their morphology to better medicines for humans in the city. Alternatively, Taehyung loves his job but falls in love with Jungkook, the heir of the largest remaining werewolf clan.
@absoluteyoongit​ said: This fic is tarzan meets werewolves. I love this taekook fic and how two opposites slowly fall in love with each other. Plus I am a sucker for werewolf/mate type stories and this one just makes me so happy
SFW | SM AU
None this month
NSFW | SM AU
Dick Picturesque by pornographicpenguin
smut | angst | multi-chapter  
Summary:  youre pretty cute tho also why were u sendin some dude who u never texted before nudes that’s like a really bad idea u shold be smarter i’m drunk
@megahwn​ said: I go back to this smau ALL the time, it's so raw and real and reminds me of deep conversations I've had with strangers in my own lifetime. The banter is funny, the smut is sexy and sweet at the same time, and the ending is so satisfying to read. 10/10 would recommend!
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L O V E B O U N D
“Christmasbound II”
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My loves, as promised, here is part two of our favourite 3 xx Enjoy!
“Are you okay?“ He asks quietly, not really a whisper, not really a real sound coming from his lips. He’s still out of breath, nervously buttons up his white shirt. He looks at her through the dark classroom, notices how she nervously tries to fix the curly bun in her neck, her hands obviously still shaky from before. She doesn’t look at him, the only thing he notices is her breathing. She’s rattled up. To say the least.
“What time is it?“ She breathes out, starts to search desperately for her lipstick in her little leather clutch. She’s shocked from the scene that happened in this room a few minutes ago. He knows that. Joe sighs, slowly steps closer to her again after putting on the jacket that is part his suit once more. It’s still dark in this room, only the light from the hallway shining through the little glass panel at the door. He carefully places his hand on her back and she doesn’t move, still looks for her lipstick to fix the mess on her mouth.
“We have to..“
“It was nice. Beautiful, to say the least.“ He suddenly mouths into her hair, his lips on the same familiar spot on her bangs again, breathing out warm air while mumbling these words into her hair. She doesn’t move, doesn’t push him away. She just holds onto her handbag as if she was holding onto her life. She closes her eyes, feels his lips on her hair and his big hands around her body. Old butterflies in her tummy start to move again. Long forgotten feelings creep back up once more. She feels tears coming into her eyes and the stinging pain, the one that once turned her numb.
“I’m so glad you got jealous..“ He whispers and Taylor swallows. She suddenly escapes from his arms, pushes him away from her. It was harsh. It was sudden. Joe looks at her walking to the door, turning on the bright lights. He blinks a few times, then looks at her once more. Her red lipstick is still visible on her full lips, even though it has faded. She looks terrified. He can see only now that she has tears in her eyes.
“What..“
“This was a mistake. This will never happen again. I had too much alcohol and these past two days just confused me a lot and..“
“So you used me.“ He says, leaves Taylor with a surprised look on her face. Never ever has he accused her of something like this after being intimate with her. She swallows. He looks so hurt. His hair is still a bit messy from her hands. His lips still blushed and swollen from all these kisses a few minutes ago. What did she do. What did she just do.
“I didn’t..“
“You dragged me into this room, told me to fuck you, then made me jealous as I was hesitating. And now you tell me that this was a one time thing and..“
“I didn’t use you, goddamn. I had a weak moment. I shouldn’t have asked you to..to sleep with me. In a school. In our daughter’s school. God, I can’t believe I..“
“Me neither.“ He just mumbles, closes the jacket of his suit quietly. She swallows. He’s hurt. He apparently interpreted her actions differently than she expected.
“Don’t act like all of this is my fault.“ She suddenly hisses, feels the hurt turn into anger once more. It’s something she never did in her life before. Taylor always tried to remain true and fair to the people around her. Joe is the only person she knows who could ever make her heart hurt so much that the only way to put up with these painful feelings is to turn them into anger. Into hate.
“You seemed to enjoy it as well. There are always two people involved in something like this. Why did you do it If you didn’t..“
“I did it because I love you.“ He then answers and looks at her. Taylor swallows again, is proud herself for getting her watery eyes to stop. She can’t believe that this is the third time today that he has said this. She can’t believe he has the guts to simply stand there and tell her that he loves her. All over again. After everything that’s been. And everything that hasn’t been.
“I slept with you because I missed you and I love you and.. we have a child together. Goddamn, this is not just a fling for me.“ He ends his sentence, obviously angry and hurt at the same time. Taylor doesn’t know what to say, just uncomfortably crosses her arms. She can’t look into his eyes anymore.
“What are you doing?“ She asks, as he walks down to the door again, quickly unlocks it before turning around to her once more.
“Eleanor’s show begins in five minutes. Don’t wanna be late.“ He answers, doesn’t look at her. She just simply grabs her clutch, follows him outside and into the big hallway once more. They both quickly walk down the empty hallway. Most parents must be in the corridor already, definitely more on time than these two parents who got distracted elsewhere.
Taylor peers into his direction. He’s quiet. Too quiet for her taste. She feels horrible. She seduced him, yes. But he wanted this. He wanted to be intimate with her just as much. It’s true that it was a mistake to fall back into hold habits. But it was consent. They both made this mistake.
“I’m sorry.“ She suddenly whispers, can’t control her mouth. The hallway is silent, nothing else but her high heels on the floor and the distant noises from the corridor audible. She blushes as soon as she has realized how gentle her voice has just gotten while walking next to him. Joe turns his head to look at her. He still looks sad and hurt. His blue eyes look empty and the corners of his mouth hang down. She remembers that look. It still pains her.
“I know. Me, too.“ He answers, doesn’t say much more. She knows it. So does he.
As soon as they sneak into the full school’s corridor, Joe rushes to the side of the crowded room, walks up to the front row. The curtains are still closed. Luckily they didn’t miss anything. It takes less than two minutes in the full and loud room to spot them. She swallows. Elizabeth and Richard.
The second they spot Joe and Taylor is the second that Elizabeth shakes her head, clearly not pleased about the fact that they’re almost too late to their daughter’s first theatre performance in school.
“Where have you two been?“ She whispers to her son, her brows furred together while wearing her best costume. Richard seems to be more relaxed, sits there and waits for his granddaughter’s play to start, not even really aware of the fact that Taylor and Joe have just joined them on the seats next to them.
“Sorry, mum.“ Joe whispers, sits down. Taylor and Elizabeth share one look. A horribly cool breeze rushes over her. It’s crazy how different this has become. Elizabeth used to be Taylor’s second mother. And now she treats her like a stranger. No hugs anymore. No handshakes. Just a cold nod. Taylor knows that her leaving Elizabeth’s son has made her angry. After all, she can’t blame him. It’s her who left. It’s her who destroyed this family, in Elizabeth’s world.
It’s her who took Eleanor from Joe.
It’s all on her.
Taylor sits down next to Joe, takes a deep breath. She’s still shaky from before. She still feels horrible. Sleeping with her child’s father was a bad idea. A very bad idea. Everything that was complicated enough is now even more difficult. Her efforts to not act upon any feelings seem to have failed. The nice little speech she held him this morning seems ironic: “And unless you do, none our feelings are relevant here“ - apparently feelings such as lust or jealousy were, in fact, relevant enough to let him touch her in a classroom of this school. She can’t believe it. 
Her eyes wander across the corridor. Many parents are are waiting next to them just as nervous for they are. Suddenly her eyes meet Joe’s. He smiles silently. This is about Eleanor now. This is not about what happened twenty minutes ago. She smiles lightly. He’s right. Taylor turns her head further away, suddenly meets Elizabeth’s gaze. Her eyes wander from Taylor to Joe, and back to Taylor. Suddenly Taylor realizes that she realizes. Something is going on between them. Elizabeth knows. Her sudden look gave her away. Within a couple of seconds, the lights are turned off and the spotlights are directed to the little stage. Taylor leans back and takes a deep breath. 
This is about Eleanor. This is about Eleanor.
The curtains close and the applause starts. Taylor feels how emotional she gets while clapping, just like the rest of the room. She swallows as the curtains open again and a little reindeer with a red nose and little antlers as well as ten other kids in snow costumes step out once more and take a bow. She looks at Joe and her heart beats a bit faster. He’s captivated by Eleanor, whistles a few times. She has never seen him so proud. Not when she started to walk for the first time, not when she said ’Dada‘ for the first time. This, acting, is what he lives for. This is his passion and the little girl up there seems to have a lot of talent already - something she definitely has from her father.
As soon as the play is over, all the toddlers come running down to their families. Joe turns to Taylor while waiting for their daughter. He looks emotional. His eyes are sparkling. Elizabeth and Richard look impressed as well. She’s got it in her blood, that’s for sure.
“Have you.. have you seen that? She’s a natural. I can’t.. I didn’t know.“ He says breathlessly and Taylor smiles. She’s so proud of Eleanor. Just like he is. He can’t even find the right words.
“She’s got that from you. She likes music but.. this is her thing. She’s your kid.“ She says and Joe smiles at her. Taylor can’t help but smile back because they both think the same thing in this second. They both feel the same overwhelming amount of pride running through their veins. Pure pride. Magic. We made her.
Suddenly a little blonde girl in a brown reindeer costume and with the antlers still on her head, comes running towards her family. She wears the biggest smile, everyone is cheering on her as she comes running along. Elizabeth and Richard clap immediately and smile but the little girl is directly going for her Papa. Her Papa who’s crouching on her level, and immediately lifts her up as soon as she has reached his arms.
“Eleanor, great job!“ Elizabeth and Richard smile at her. Eleanor receives a tons of kisses on her cheek from her father. She smiles proudly, doesn’t let go of him. Taylor can sense that she’s incredibly happy that he held onto his promise and came.
“Someone’s about to win an Oscar, my love.“ He says, still on Joe’s arm. Eleanor looks at him as Taylor immediately kisses her head.
“Great job, honey. I am so so proud of you.“ She laughs proudly, makes her daughter smile again as well.
“Daddy, who is Oscar?“ She asks, makes everyone laugh. Joe keeps on holding her on his arm, starts to explain the little girl what an Oscar is, as all of them slowly make their way out of the corridor. After thanking Ms. Downing for her great effort in creating this little play for the kids, all the parents are leaving. As they walk down the stairs, Eleanor still on her Papa’s arm, Taylor just awkwardly walks next to Richard and Elizabeth, the silence almost killing her inside.
Taylor quietly takes out her phone, happy that she has found something to make herself seem busy with. She hates the fact that everything has become so difficult. She hates the fact that people who she loved endlessly now walk next to her, avoid talking to her at all.
”Can we get some ice cream before we drive to grandma’s, daddy?” Taylor hears her daughter ask Joe, as they reach his car. It takes just a few seconds and Joe has unlocked his big black SUV.
”Sweetie, I have made you your favorite caramel pudding. Just for you. Also, uncle Tom and Emma will join us as well.. let’s go home, first. Okay?” Elizabeth gently pokes Eleanor’s tummy, while the toddler is still on Joe’s arm. But Eleanor just nods, looks at her mom with the same stubborn look on her face, that Eleanor had when she first laid in Taylor’s arms after she was born. Eleanor has a beautiful face, Joe’s full lips and Taylor’s cheekbones. But the little stubborn look, the immense character strength in her eyes.. this is something she has had from day one.
”Mommy, can we get ice cream?” She asks, makes Joe and Elizabeth laugh. Taylor slowly steps closer to her baby and can’t hide a laugh as well. She’s clever, that’s for sure. Taylor slowly places both of her hands on the chubby cheeks and slowly kisses the little girl’s nose a few times. Joe has definitely had a lot more Eleanor cuddles than she had in the last two days. She misses her little stubborn baby already.
”Honey, grandma made your favorite pudding for you.. mhm? That’s so much more yummy than ice cream.” She says to support Joe and his parents who clearly want to drive home now, to have a nice Christmas dinner all together. Loud laughter, good jazz music that Tom has picked out. Elizabeth’s amazing roast and Patrick’s Christmas story that he still has to read to everyone. No matter if he’s fourteen or twenty- one. He’ll always be the smallest one who has to read a Christmas story to all of them. Taylor remembers all these traditions. She had been a part of these for way too long.
”Okay..” The toddler sighs and Joe can’t help but let out a small laugh, as Eleanor leans her head onto his shoulder. He kisses her head out of reflex. Eleanor then lets Joe walk her to the backseat of the car.
”Are your parents in town?” Richard then asks Taylor and she looks at him shocked before she begins to stutter incoherently. This is the first conversation after it happened. The first time his family and her interact. Taylor feels how nervous she is, how ashamed she is. Even though she shouldn’t feel like this. Standing in the silent parking lot of this school with them is weird enough. It’s been way too long since she has last seen them. It’s been way too long since they’ve spoken last.
”Uhm, no. But they’ll be in town tomorrow afternoon. They spent a few days in Nashville with the rest of my family but.. I didn’t want to miss Eleanor’s play. So..”
”So you’re alone tonight? On Christmas Eve? And on Christmas morning? Why don’t you join us? There’s no way we’ll let you stay all alone at your house without..”
”Oh that’s so nice but I’m actually looking forward to having a few minutes of silence. It’s really not necessary..”
”No way, Taylor. Eleanor would love to spend Christmas with both of her parents and..”
”Richard, why don’t you stop interfering into Taylor and Joseph’s business? They’re separated and she certainly doesn’t want to spend the entire evening with him. Accept it please and don’t be rude.” Elizabeth suddenly interrupts her husband. Taylor swallows. Richard stands there, looks at Taylor and doesn’t say anything anymore. Elizabeth has made herself clear while helping Joe with Eleanor in the children’s seat. Taylor doesn’t know what to say, just feels a horrible amount of rejection on her chest. Elizabeth didn’t have to say it, but she has made it clear that she doesn’t want Taylor there, tonight. And it’s not like Taylor would want to be there. But the lack of Elizabeth’s warmth hits her harder than she thought it would. But what did she expect after more than a year of silence? The warm arms of her mother in law that she was used to? Certainly not after she has left her son and simply took his daughter with her.
“Have a great evening you guys.” Taylor just smiles, can’t believe that she does such a good job lying to Richard and Elizabeth who just nod at her with a forced smile. Joe then slowly looks at her as well. She can see in his eyes that he hates this. She still feels that he doesn’t want this. He doesn’t like this.
”Mommy, where are you going?” An angelic voice suddenly interrupts the silence. Taylor slowly steps up to Eleanor, who sits in the children’s seat already. She looks confused and worried, the little bun on her head messed up again. Her curly hair is so hard to be tamed.
If there is one thing that Taylor doesn’t want, then it is Eleanor to feel the tensions between them. She wants Eleanor to enjoy this night. She’s five. It’s Christmas. This is her time to make the most magical memories. Taylor puts on the brightest smile possible, leans over her in the car seat. She quickly kisses Eleanor’s lips, then presses her face into the little girl’s chubby neck before kissing her soft skin a few times. Taylor feels Eleanor’s little hand reach for her hair, feels her burry her little hand in her long blonde hair. Taylor’s heart aches. She can’t let her baby go.
”Honey, remember when I said that mommy will spend a few days with grandma Andrea and grandpa Scott at home? So that you can have two Christmases this year? Tonight you’ll have the most amazing time with daddy and grandma and grandpa and Patrick.. and then tomorrow night you’ll have another Christmas with us, okay?” She smiles, her voice clearly enthusiastic enough to make Eleanor buy this from her. But she can sense in that little frown on her face that she’s smart enough to get what is going on. There won’t be mommy tonight. Not at all.
“But I want you to eat grandma’s pudding as well, mommy..” She whines slowly, makes this even harder for Taylor.
”Honey, eat some for me as well okay? Daddy and grandma are so looking forward to spending time with you..” She says, feels Joe standing behind her, a hand on her back, signaling her to just go to not make the goodbye even harder on Eleanor.
”But I want to show you what Santa Claus has brought me, mommy..” She says, her little chin slowly trembling. Taylor feels like she can’t breath anymore. Saying goodbye to Eleanor has always been a nightmare for her. No matter if it was in Kindergarten for a few hours or now. She’s never ready to say goodbye. Especially not if her baby has teary eyes.
”My little angel..” Taylor mumbles, swallows her tears down before kissing Eleanor’s face a few times. She was positive after last night that it wouldn’t be a problem at all for the little girl to spend the night just with daddy. But it seems that Eleanor didn’t expect Taylor to leave now. She didn’t expect her to go at all.
”You can show me tomorrow. Okay?” She whispers, still half leans in Joe’s car, her hand caressing Eleanor’s face. Taylor keeps on kissing the little face, feels hot tears falling down her daughter’s cheek. This is not how this is supposed to be. This is not how it’s supposed to be at all.
”If you want you can absolutely..”
”No, no it’s fine.” Taylor interrupts Joe, kisses Eleanor one last time and smiles. She shouldn’t feel like this is a goodbye. Because it’s not.
Taylor pulls back, then looks at Joe again. He swallows. The scene between her and Eleanor has obviously touched him. He gives her this look that she knows too well.
You’re always welcome.
Taylor smiles, places her hand on his arm for a second and smiles.
I know.
She then slowly walks past Richard and Elizabeth, who then slowly make their way to their parked car that is right next to Joe’s. They don’t smile at her, they don’t look angry. It’s the same emotion that seems to be stuck on everyone’s faces nowadays. Sadness. Just a big load of sadness.
“Have a great holiday, guys.” She smiles, then quickly makes her way to the big black range rover that is waiting for her on the other side of the parking lot. She’s walking so quickly through the snow that she feels like sliding. Her hand is buried in the big pockets of her coat and her head and sunken. She can’t look at them once more. Not this time around.
“I know that look. You’re not used to so much peace in this house, huh?” Taylor smiles at her cat, who just looks completely confused at her in return. Taylor laughs before crouching down to pat Olivia again. She smiles at the slight purring coming from the cat in front of her. Olivia knows what’s up. Eleanor is gone. No toddler running around this house and pulling her tail. No little girl that has been getting all of Taylor’s attention ever since the day that she and Joe brought her home from the hospital. Olivia purrs, Taylor just laughs.
”Just like the old days, mhm dibbles? You and me and some cookies in the oven.” She mumbles to the cat, as suddenly another meow is heard. Taylor looks up, immediately sees a judging Meredith sitting on the first step of the staircase. She can’t help but laugh out loud.
”Oh, how could I forget your loving sister, dibbles?”
Taylor slowly gets up and looks into the oven. Her cookies are slowly looking golden and her favorite playlist is on. Nora Jones and Damien Rice. The kind of music she used to listen to back then when there was no Joe, no Eleanor, no children’s music, no family she was devoting her time to. Just her, a huge house and the cats.
I don’t want to change you, I don’t want to change you, I don’t want to change your mind. I just came across a manger where there is no danger, where love has eyes and is not blind…
Taylor grabs her cup of tea, slowly enters the living room and sinks down in the big arm chair that she has bought in her favorite New York antique store. She looks at the fireplace, both her hands wrapped tightly around the big cup with her favorite Christmas tea blend. How many hours has she spent in this house already. Playing mind games. Sitting on this arm chair at night, after having put Eleanor to bed. The burning fire place. Warmth coming onto her skin and seeing him. In this house. Standing in front of the tiny vintage mirror between her bookshelves. Fixing his blonde hair, the same grumpy and stubborn facial expression she so often sees in Eleanor. His singing when he jokes around with Eleanor. His loud laugh whenever his own child played him with his own joke and the way he’d look at her from the mirror to where she sits. His grey sweater and his blue eyes looking at her. His cheeky smirk. The dimples beneath his chin. The boldness in his eyes. Still looking at her like back then…
She felt guilty for playing that. She felt weak for letting it happen. She felt weak and ridiculous for spending minutes and minutes in this arm chair, imagining him still being there when he obviously wasn’t. She knows she missed him. She knows that the only explanation for what happened in this small classroom today is that she may be able to control a lot but not everything. She can’t control her mind, herself, when it comes to him. She can’t control herself from daydreaming about him and she couldn’t control her need to get close to him. Taylor sighs, takes a sip from the hot liquid in her porcelain mug.
It was a mistake. She knows it was, even though she wishes it wasn’t. She wishes that she could just believe him, trust him when he says that he will change. Believing that he really will. She trusted nobody as much as she trusted him back then. She let her walls down, let him show her that her love has never really been frozen. She believed in nothing as much as she believed in him.
In him as her husband one day. In him as her baby’s daddy.
And now here she is. Alone on Christmas Eve. Cookies in the oven, the cats next to her. Almost like back then, long before he came into her life. This is certainly not how she wanted this. Not at all.
“Baby, don’t wake her. Please. I would love to enjoy eating in peace tonight.” Taylor sighs and yells after Joe. He doesn’t answer and Taylor rolls her eyes, then looks at Elizabeth and salutes to her with a tired smile and a champagne glass full of orange juice while leaning against the kitchen counter. A candle burning, three pots boiling and one big roast in the oven. It still smells like the cinnamon cookies she has baked yesterday. That smell just won’t leave her kitchen. But it’s fine. It’s Christmas.
“You need to be more consequent, darling. If he wakes her, he can take her during dinner.” Elizabeth winks at Taylor and takes one more sip from her champagne glass. She empathetically places her hand on Taylor’s arm, looks at her tired face. Being parents to a baby is exhausting. Elizabeth knows that. And as much as she knows that her son is an excellent father - he can be strenuous at times.
“Yeah, I know. But if she’s hungry then it’s on me.” Taylor smiles quietly, then slowly gets up and turns her face towards the stove. She stirs the homemade gravy she has made today once, then checks on her potatoes.
“Why is Joe..”
“Cause he’s crazy about this little girl.” Taylor interrupts a confused Patrick who’s standing on the other side of the kitchen isle and looks at her with a confused look. Taylor laughs, was about to say something else when she suddenly notices two very familiar faces in the doorway. A happy Joe and a very sleepy baby on his arm. The little girl still has puffy eyes, obviously wasn’t ready to be woken up from her nap just now. Joe presses a few kisses onto the chubby cheeks, then holds his head against hers. Taylor can’t help but laugh quietly, Joe’s cheek against the baby’s tiny cheek almost looks humorous.
“Oh honey, what has daddy done to you..” she says and the rest of his family, who is also gathered in the kitchen, laugh at the sleepy baby too.
“It’s her first Christmas, love. We can’t let her nap through her first Christmas.” he defends himself, looks at the baby’s tired face and kisses her head one more time. It’s more than obvious to see how the little face suddenly changes and Eleanor starts crying. Taylor places her orange juice on the counter, gives Joe a look he’s used to and then slowly takes the baby from his arm.
“I know.. I know you’re hungry, honey, huh?” She mumbles into the cheek, then looks up at Joe again.
“Can you please watch the food? I’m gonna feed her upstairs.” Taylor says, holding the small human being tight onto her. Eleanor’s tiny hands are places right next to her little head that is on Taylor chest. She loves feeling the proximity to her Mama, especially when she’s still sleepy from her nap.
“Good for you that I’m a five star cook, love.” he says ironically, knowing just as well as her that he’d absolutely ruin everything she’s cooked so far, just by touching it.
Taylor has commented his statement with an eye roll and disappears upstairs with Eleanor. While walking up the stairs, Eleanor starts crying once more and Taylor just places her hand gently on her little head. Just a few tiny blonde hair covering the head. Small curls that are just the same as hers when she was a baby. While walking into the nursery room, Taylor moves her head and presses her lips onto the tiny head. She loves Eleanor’s smell. There will never be anything that smells as good as the smell of a baby.
“Are you hungry, baby?” she asks her daughter and gets no response but some smacking noise from the newborn as she sits down on the big light grey armchair at the end of Eleanor’s room. Taylor slowly frees her left arm from the red velvet dress, pulls down the soft silky bra, leans back and positions Eleanor right under her breast. It takes less than two seconds and the baby girl knows what to do. Taylor slowly rocks her back and forth, smiles down at her baby girl who is drinking with a pretty big hunger. Her fingertips draw circles on the little head. 
She’s so beautiful. She’s so so beautiful. 
Taylor laughs about Eleanor’s tiny fingers that she holds awkwardly into the air while drinking. She slowly grabs them and holds the tiny hand while silently watching her eat.
“She’s even more hungry than me right now and that almost seems impossible.”
Taylor looks up from her baby and to the man standing right in front it her, leaned against the door frame, smiling at her with the same smile that made her knees weak years ago.
“Yeah this is her big Christmas dinner, huh.” Taylor mumbles and looks at her daughter, who’s still busy drinking from Taylor’s boob. Joe slowly takes a few steps up to her, then crouches down in front of his two favorite girls. He slowly places his left hand on Eleanor’s tiny feet, that are covered in pink socks. His right hand wanders to Taylor’s cheek. She looks up to him once more, silently smiles as he strokes a strand of hair behind her ear.
“You look beautiful.”
“I’m tired.” she mumbles, slowly leans her head back and closes her eyes. A baby still on her boob, Joe looking at her. She’s a masterpiece. A beautiful masterpiece that is clearly suffering under the most natural and primal responsibility of life. Sleep has become a foreign concept for both of them. Telling her how beautiful she is, full face, full breasts, curves and nothing but curves on her body, can’t help her feel less exhausted. He knows that.
“I know, baby. I’ll take her tonight. You can sleep in the guest room if you want. S’ more quiet.” he mumbles, his hand placed worriedly on her arm. Her body is going through a lot. He knows that.
“That sounds so nice but you forgot that I’m the feeding machine.” She sighs, slowly uprights herself and looks at Eleanor, who’s still not done eating.
“You can pump later on and we’ll try the bottle again. I’ll handle it.” he assures her. Taylor looks at him for a split second, still holding her child in her arms. He could gasp once more, her eyes meeting his. Goosebumps. That’s all he can think, as she suddenly smiles slowly then signals him to come closer. He slowly gets up, leans over her and presses his lips against his breastfeeding girlfriend.
“You’re the sweetest baby daddy.” she whispers and he smiles, presses another kiss into her lips.
“I know. Need to do a good job with the first one or else baby mumma won’t carry my other babies anymore.” he mumbles against her lips, ends his sentence with a last kiss before standing upright again. She looks at him with the same look he knows too well.
“Slow down, Daddy. This girl can remain the spoiled only child for a few more years, huh? Is that right?” she asks and looks at Eleanor.
“Just three more and we can stop.”
Taylor starts laughing and throws her head back.
“Alright big boy, I think it’s time for you to go down and have a look at my turkey.” she laughs, can’t believe that Joe is already thinking about more kids. It honors her, it makes her happy. Yes. But this is not the time for her to plan the next pregnancy when she can hardly deal with one newborn.
“Alright, I’ll look at your turkey..” he mumbles with a cheeky smile while slowly stumbling backwards out of the nursery. She grins at the silly man in front of her.
“Love looking at turkeys, you know. Turkeys are my favourites. Especially in the oven. Love putting turkeys in the oven you know..” he grins and Taylor rolls her eyes laughing.
“Less talking, more walking, Mr. Alwyn.” she yells after him and receives a cheeky “Yes boss” from downstairs. Taylor looks down at her baby again, her lips still latched onto her boobs, her big eyes looking at Taylor. 
“Your daddy is a silly guy, mhm. A silly silly daddy.” she mumbles, then laughs at Eleanor’s confused face.
Taylor startles, suddenly looks around. She feels disoriented, confused. She must have fallen asleep, yawns once and then recognizes that she dozed off a few minutes ago, curled up in her armchair on the other side of the kitchen. She sighs, sits up slowly and notices Meredith and Olivia both sitting in front of her. Taylor’s hand slowly wanders to her left cheek. Her skin is warm and the imprint of the cushions is probably embellished on her skin now. She sits up straight, looks at the two cats sitting in front of her. She can’t help but smirk slowly. These two cats are as weird as they always were, sitting there upright like humans and looking at her. Suddenly Taylor eyes get wide. Now she gets why her cats are staring at her. Taylor storms off into the kitchen, finds a big grey cloud of smoke already coming from her oven. How could she fall asleep with a tray of cookies in there?! She immediately turns off the stove, tries to grab the baking tray out of the oven without choking from the burnt smell. As soon as she has managed to place the now burnt cookies on the counter, she storms to the little window at the end of the kitchen and opens it.
“Shit! Why didn’t you guys tell me earlier?” Taylor sighs and yells at her cats who still wander around the living room, clearly confused about what just happened. Taylor looks at the tray of black cookies. She suddenly startles once more. Her doorbell rings, keeps her from throwing the black cookies into the trash. Taylor turns around, slowly walks into the hallway with a more than confused look on her face. She’s not sure who’s visiting her on Christmas Eve at 9pm. Still in her PJ attire, both feet in her ugly but cozy wool socks from her mom and with her curly hair in a bun, she slowly walks up to the door. Her security didn’t call her to tell her about a visitor. Taylor slowly gets a little worried, then decides that it’s more than silly to be afraid of a stranger killing her on her doorstep on Christmas Eve. After a few seconds she slowly opens up the door and finds something she didn’t expect to find at all tonight.
Joe in a big coat and with a bag on his shoulder, and her daughter on his arm, smiling at her with the brightest smile. One hand holding a wrapped gift and a little basket in her other hand.
“Surpriiiiise.” Eleanor giggles and Joe just smiles at Taylor as well, internally laughing about Taylor’s terrified look. She doesn’t know what to say, just looks from Eleanor to Joe again.
”Hi, honey.. is.. is everything alright? Did something happen?” She then asks already in a panicky mode. Joe smiles. This is the protective mother coming out in her. Always worried about Eleanor or things that might somehow happen to her.
”Everything is perfect, we had a great dinner and then decided to visit mummy cause it’s Christmas Eve, right?” He says and looks at Eleanor who just nods smiling. Taylor can’t help but smile at them, then steps aside to let the two inside. After all it’s already dark outside and still snowy and cold. Joe slowly walks inside the warm and cozy house, still with his girl on his arm. He lets Eleanor down with a sigh, then takes off his jacket. Taylor immediately crouches down to Eleanor’s level to open her big red winter jacket. There’s still snow in her blonde curls. The green bow Taylor put into her hair this morning is, of course, taken off by now. She smiles at her. Eleanor never liked accessories that are too girly. She’s a wild soul. Taylor knows that.
“Are you cold, honey? Thanks for surprising me! I’m so happy to see you..” Taylor smiles as she places the small coat next to where she’s crouching in the hallway. Eleanor smiles at her, then hands her what she was holding onto all along.
“This is for you, mommy.” She says in a shy voice and smiles angelically at her mother. Taylor feels her heart melting, looks at the wrapped present and the little basket that Eleanor just handed to her. The little basket is filled with a jar of Eleanor’s favorite caramel pudding that Elizabeth makes every Christmas. Around the jar, she placed some flowers and branches to decorate the glass. She definitely has had some help with this basket.
“Oh my god, is this a Christmas present? Thank you so much, baby..” She says, clearly more than emotional about this little gesture. She immediately hugs her daughter with both hands full and then slowly gets up. She notices Joe standing in the doorframe just smiling at her. Taylor slowly walks up to him.
“This was your night with her. You didn’t have to..”
“It’s Christmas. We won’t spend Christmas Eve without mumma, won’t we?” Joe answers her, then smiles at Eleanor who is already busy caressing Olivia’s tale. Taylor just smiles at him. This gesture means a lot to her.
“Okay, so I guess I’ll have to still open this beautiful present!” Taylor smiles and walks into the kitchen. She sits down in the armchair where she fell asleep a few minutes ago and starts to open the little gift her daughter has made for her. Eleanor immediately runs up to her, clearly excited for her mum’s reaction.
“Let’s see what mummy says..” She hears Joe whisper into Eleanor’s ear while crouching down next to her in front of where Taylor’s sitting. She silently smiles at Joe, then opens up the present. Eleanor is clearly on edge, shyly stands in front of her mum while cheekily pressing her lips together in excitement. Taylor finishes taking off the wrapping paper, then covers her mouth with her hand. Eleanor has made her a huge heart out of a cardboard, filled this heart with glitter and stars and little cat ears and a scribbled “I love you mummy” in the center. Taylor looks back at her daughter and smiles.
“Honey, that is so beautiful, oh my god.” She says, immediately places the gift on the table next to her before opening up her arms to let Eleanor crawl onto her lap. She holds her daughter as tight as possible, a hand placed on her head, another hand holding her small frame tightly.
“Thank you so much, baby. I love it so much. I love you so much.” she adds, then slowly lets go off Eleanor and kisses the little girl on the mouth one time before smiling at her.
“Merry Christmas, mommy.” She says and Taylor and Joe both laugh slightly at the sweet words coming from their baby.
“Merry Christmas, my little angel.” She responds and steals Eleanor one more kiss while smiling. Taylor then looks at Joe who still crouches in front of the chair and smiles at the two.
Taylor doesn’t say anything and just smiles at him silently.
“How was dinner with grandma and grandpa?” She asks Eleanor and runs her fingers through her curls a few times.
“Good. Santa Claus got me the Barbie plane, mommy. The one that I wanted.” She smiles excitedly, already moves on her mother’s lap, eager to show her mom her present. She quickly rushes into the hallway. Taylor just laughs and looks after her.
“That’s awesome, E.” She smiles, then looks at Joe who slowly gets up as well.
“What smells so weird in here?” He asks as Taylor already got up before him. She moves towards the counter.
“Oh my..”
“Yeah.” She interrupts him, slowly grabs the now cold cookie tray and opens the trash to throw them away.
“I fell asleep and burned these.” She says and sighs, then slowly looks at him again while leaning on the counter next to him.
“It was really not necessary to drop Eleanor off tonight, Joe. It’s so sweet but this is your time with her. I’m sure your parents were..”
“We had a great night and now it’s time for her to be home with her mum.” He says, won’t even let Taylor finish her sentence as Eleanor runs up to them, a big plastic airplane in her hand and an even bigger smile on her lips.
“Mommy, look!” She says and Taylor smiles at her.
“Wow, that looks incredible. Eleanor, you must’ve been really good this year mhm?” She smiles, admires her daughter’s gift. Eleanor starts tapping her foot, seems a little impatient all of the sudden. Joe smirks.
“Do you want to go play, love?” He asks and within five seconds, the little girl just storms off into her room upstairs where her entire Barbie collection is already waiting for her. Taylor slowly gets up and laughs at Joe.
“Her excitement to see me has its limits.” She mumbles ironically.
“Hey, she told us all night long that we need to keep some pudding for mummy. And that’s coming from the queen of caramel pudding so it’s the biggest declaration of love you’ll possibly get from a five year old.” he smirks and looks at her. Taylor slowly turns around, still smiling while reaching for her self-made present from Eleanor. Joe looks at her, can’t help but stare at her smile like a weirdo. Why does she have to be so beautiful. Why.
“Do you want some tea?” She then asks, slowly pins the big heart against her fridge. Joe sighs, slowly uprights himself and runs his fingers through his hair. A habit he has always had.
“No thanks, I just wanted to drop off Eleanor and then..”
“Why don’t you stay for a bit?” She then asks him and Joe stops for a second. He looks at her, not sure if he has heard right what she said. She avoided him for over a year and now she wants to casually spend an evening with him? He stutters, not sure what to say.
“I should get back to my parents and everyone, but..”
“No, no. It’s fine. Oh god, I’m sorry I was stupid for wanting to keep you from..”
“No, I mean. I can stay. If you want I can stay. I would love to stay but I just thought that you..”
“That I don’t want to see you?” She asks quietly, her arms crossed, still leaning against the marble counter with her PJ. Joe stands in front of her with his grey sweater. Still not sure how to react or what to say. She leaves him in uncertainty as so often. Uncertain if she still needs him. Uncertain if today maybe meant something to her after all.
“You made that clear yesterday.” He says quietly. Taylor looks into his eyes, then slowly away. She sighs, remains silent. She can hear Eleanor singing upstairs, hears the low flicker coming from the fireplace in the living room. None of the two moves, both awkwardly standing in the kitchen.
“We had sex today.” She then says quietly, looks back at him. Arms still crossed, not moving at all.
“We did.” He replies and Taylor remains silent, not sure what to say next. “But we can pretend we didn’t. If that makes you feel better.” Joe adds quietly, stands in the middle of her kitchen, both hands in his back pockets and his eyebrows raised as always when he’s just about to smirk, his head on the side, looking at her with his blue eyes. That look, Eleanor definitely has from him.
“It won’t.” she answers then, slowly looks down again. She doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t even know what she’s doing. Last night has confused her. It has confused her so much that she had sex with the father of her child at a pre-school event. After a year of silence. Leaned against a table where toddlers play. It has confused her so much that she can’t look at him anymore. That she can’t tell him to leave. Can’t tell him to stay and hold her tight.
“It won’t make me feel better. Nothing will.” she says and Joe suddenly furrows his brows. Her voice sounds different all of the sudden. He can’t see it clearly under her bangs but he can clearly hear her voice change. She sounds like she’s about to cry. And he can’t believe it.
“Tay, what..”
“It’s Christmas and you ask me if it makes me feel better to pretend like we didn’t have sex today but the truth is the only thing that would ever make me feel better is pretending like the last three years of our lives didn’t happen. Why can’t we just pretend that you’re shooting your Nicholas Cage movie in Exeter, and that you come home every night. And that Eleanor is three again and obsessed with dogs and finally potty trained and used to her dad always coming home before bedtime. And we can pretend to visit you on set sometimes. And have a glass of wine every night. Why can’t we just pretend that it’s 2021 again. Why can’t we pretend that these years never have happened. Today I sat on this fucking armchair for an hour just dreaming about our past. I’m not someone who needs four hundred years to get over someone. I’m not someone who wastes their time reminiscing about..”
“It’s alright..” he slowly whispers and interrupts her while holding her tight already. Taylor is fully crying now, weeping into his shoulder and holding onto him. She has talked herself into a rage from minute to minute. Her sweaty hands hold onto his back tight, her face is pressed into his shoulder. She has no idea what has gotten into her tonight. The only thing she knows is that she will regret this breakdown as soon as she wakes up tomorrow. But right now, all she can think about is the past. All she can think about is the fact that he’s not hers anymore. That he’s not her saving prince anymore. That she has lost her angel sent boyfriend who once turned her world upside down and made her believe that love could be more than just a hurtful concept of two people making mistakes. He was the one thing she did right, the only one she ever truly let inside. Tonight, the pain stings too hard for her stay strong. To remember all the things he did wrong when all she can see is the things he did right.
Taylor still sobs into his shoulder, feels his strong arms around her back holding her tight. She can’t let go. She can’t push him away.
Not tonight. Not today.
“It’s alright, you’re okay.” he whispers into her ear, no sign of letting go off her. Taylor still sobs, her vision blurry from tears. Then after a few minutes, Joe slowly pulls back and looks at her. He seems worried. Sad. Almost as sad as this morning when Eleanor told him that kids in her school don’t believe that he’s her daddy.
“Oh god, what’s wrong with me today.” she then babbles, completely embarrassed of the scene she caused. “I literally have no clue why..”
“You know what?” she hears him say, then looks up at him while wiping away her tears. He still stands right in front of her. His arms on her arms, their bellies almost touching. She’s glad that Eleanor seems to be busy in her room. She doesn’t have to witness this scene. Her mum crying in her dad’s arms. Too much for a five year old girl to take on Christmas Eve.
“I can’t turn back time and I don’t want to. Because.. I love my five year old daughter and her full sentences and not having to change nappies all the time is a great side effect too.” he says and Taylor laughs quietly.
“But.. I can remind you that you’re still you. And I’m still me. And that will never change.” he says, almost a whisper while looking at her. She looks up at him, her eyes still puffy and red from crying. She can’t move, can’t look away. How beautiful these words are. How much she would give to be able to believe them. Joe slowly places his hands around her face, then leans in to kiss her forehead over he curly bangs. She feels so good, she smells so good. He can’t change the fact that he still loves this woman with everything he has. Even after what she did to him. Even after she left him out of nothing and broke his heart into thousands of pieces.
“What are we just doing?” she whispers and he won’t let go of her. He knows what she means. He knows it too well.
“We’re here. Right now, I’m here. And I’ll be here tomorrow.” he says and Taylor closes her eyes. It’s wrong, oh so wrong.
But right now in this moment she welcomes her stupidity with a deep breath. He’s here. He stands here and holds her close. He’s the father of her child. It can’t be wrong. It can’t. Not tonight.
“Okay we’ve got.. salted popcorn and sweet popcorn. Who can guess which one is which?”
“Me, daddy!” Eleanor yells excited, almost jumps into one of the bowls that Joe is holding in front of her while already being in her Christmas PJs. Taylor, who sits on the sofa with the remote control in her hand and a soft blanket over her legs just laughs at Eleanor. It’s 10pm and they’re just about to start a movie. Taylor is not sure how Eleanor is still awake and well but she is and it’s Christmas. And her dad is here. Enough reasons to allow the little girl to stay awake with them and start a movie. Joe slowly crouches down so that both popcorn bowls are on Eleanor’s level.
“Guess which one is the salty one and which one is sweet, love. No touching. No smelling. No tasting.” he says with a smirk on his face and Taylor starts laughing from the couch.
“Wow that’s a little strict for a five year old don’t you think” she laughs and throws her head back. Joe is just smirking and shushes her whilst Eleanor looks at the popcorn with a very focused look on her face. He lets her take her time and smiles. She looks like Taylor when she’s concentrated. It blows his mind.
“Mhm…. this one.”
“Sweet or salty?”
“Sweet.”
“Try it!” Joe says and Eleanor carefully grabs one popcorn and starts laughing.
“I won!” she yells and jumps back onto her couch to her mummy. Taylor as well as Joe laugh at her and Eleanor slowly crawls under the blanket next to her momma. Taylor carefully places her hand around her tiny shoulders and kisses her head before fixing the blanket over her legs.
“You’re so smart, honey. Mommy never would’ve guessed right!” she says and Eleanor excitedly claps her hands together.
“Daddy can you give me the sweet popcorn?” she asks hyper, definitely had too much sugar tonight. Taylor can sense that. Joe sits down next to Eleanor, carefully hands Taylor the sweet popcorn with a smirk. Bubbly Eleanor is endless entertainment for the both of them.
“Let me hold it, it’s heavy.” Taylor says and places the bowl on her lap. Eleanor starts eating and looks at her dad, who’s just getting ready under the blanket as well.
“Mhmm it’s so yum daddy.” Eleanor says and looks at Joe. Taylor and him both start laughing and Joe can’t help but place his hand on her tiny head.
“I’m glad you like it, my love. Give daddy a kiss.” he says and Eleanor presses a wet and popcorn tasting kiss onto his lips. This little girl means the world to him. And she’ll probably never even have an idea of just how much he loves her.
“What are we watching?” Joe says and looks at Taylor. She’s got her hair in a sloppy bun that is hanging loosely in her neck. She’s wearing no make up, like before. He could swear that his heart sunk once more when he looked at her again a second ago. She’s pure sunshine. She’s as shiny as a star. Inside and out and everything in between.
“We’re watching Love Actually. What else?” Taylor smiles and Eleanor grabs into the bowl of popcorn again.
“Mummy what means love actually?” she asks, busy to separate one corn kennel from the other, while letting half of it accidentally drop onto the blanket.
“It means.. it’s actually really love.”
“What means actually really love?” she asks once more and cuddles against her mom under the blanket while chewing. Taylor looks at Joe and playfully rolls her eyes. Eleanor is in the ‘why’ phase since a few months now and it can get exhausting at times. She loves that she’s so interested and she loves to explain the world to her child. But today, tonight, she’s too tired for Eleanor’s questionnaires.
“Daddy, what does it mean?” Taylor mumbles, sinks her head and kisses Eleanor’s curls. Joe grins at Taylor and eats some of the popcorn that was in front of him.
“It means that you truly love and care for someone. Just like I care for you.” Eleanor smiles and then looks at the tv. His answer seems to satisfy her.
“Aren’t you tired, baby?” Taylor asks as the movie starts. Eleanor has her little head pressed against Taylor’s breasts. Taylor sees how she struggles to keep her eyes open. Every time they close, she opens them eagerly once more.
“No.” Eleanor answers. The quirky girl is suddenly all cuddly and quiet. Joe and Taylor exchange looks and smile silently. Joe slowly grabs Eleanor’s hand, makes her look at him.
“Do you want daddy to tell you a bedtime story?” Joe carefully asks but Eleanor eagerly shakes her head.
“No I want to watch the Christmas movie.” she says, still leaning against Taylor. Joe smirks and Taylor does the same. It takes less than two minutes and Eleanor’s eyes are barely open. Taylor looks at Joe and he nods.
“Eleanor?” he asks, the little girl immediately looks up at her dad. Taylor knows exactly why she doesn’t want to fall asleep and it breaks her heart. Her daughter is afraid that she’ll wake up and that daddy is gone again. A night like this, with mum and dad, is very rare for her. Taylor knows that.
“Daddy needs some cuddles. Can you come over and cuddle daddy a bit?” Joe asks and Taylor smiles thankfully. Joe holding Eleanor in an easy position means that it’s going to be even more easy to carry her into her bed without waking her once she’s fully asleep. An old habit they both still have from back then when they were a team. A family.
Eleanor immediately crawls onto her daddy’s lap and hugs him tight. Her little head rests against his chest. Her arms around his neck. Taylor looks at them and feels her heart burst. Joe hugs the little girl back and whispers sweet nothings into the her ear while rocking her back and forth. It takes less than five minutes and the little girl is fully asleep. Joe remains like this for a few more minutes before exchanging a look with Taylor. She smiles at him, doesn’t say a word.
“I’ll bring her upstairs.” Joe mouths and she nods.
“Thanks.” she whispers and watches him get up with a sleeping Eleanor on his arms. Taylor watches them disappear, then looks into the TV again. She has no idea how they both do it tonight, how it’s so easy to be together when there’s so much unsolved business between them. But sitting here in the living room and laughing together with their daughter felt better than anything else she has done in the last months. No song writing, no fan interaction, nothing felt better than this. Normalcy. Just like it was back then.
It takes less than five minutes and Joe enters the room again, closes the door quietly. He looks at her, then slowly falls onto the couch next to her.
“She passed out within two minutes, I’m impressed.” he laughs quietly and Taylor returns his look.
“She ran around like a monkey all day. It was time for her to pass out, trust me.” she smiles, then looks back at the movie. Joe casually places his arm around her, his hand landing in her neck. He always loved playing with the little short and curly hair that grew in her neck, right where her hairline begins. Taylor doesn’t move, doesn’t tell him to stop. He slowly leans in, kisses her temple one time. She still doesn’t move.
“So are you gonna stay here tonight or..”
Joe doesn’t answer, watches her slowly looking in his direction while waiting for an answer. He hesitates, his hand still in her neck, far away from moving. He smirks, can tell that she’s on the verge of a laugh as well.
“If you want daddy to stay then daddy will stay, you know.”
Taylor grins, sinks her head. She doesn’t tell him to stop caressing her neck, doesn’t tell him to go home. All she does is smile at him.
“I think Eleanor would love that. Knowing that you’re still here when she wakes up.” Taylor says and he nods.
“I would love that as well.” Joe answers, strokes a strand of hair from her face. He looks at her as if she’s the eighth world wonder.
“So.. should we go to bed?”
“Yeah.” he answers, not sure how she meant what she just said. Taylor and Joe both get up. She turns off the TV within seconds, then walks around the room to make sure no candle is left burning. Joe looks at her, waits for her to tell him where he’s going to sleep. The second she looks at him again is the second she takes his hand and casually kisses him. Joe is confused, just stands there, holds her tight. She deepens the kiss, then slowly let’s go off him. Both hands in his neck, her beautiful eyes meeting his.
“Taylor, what..”
“You said we’re still you and me.” she whispers. He nods.
“Let’s just be you and me tonight.”
Joe looks into her eyes and smiles. He doesn’t say anything, just places his hands softly on her face. His forehead leans against hers, their bodies already touching. He then kisses her softly, grabs her hand again and walks into the hallway. They both remain standing in the doorframe as Joe turns off the light and quietly walks up the stairs with her.
It’s early. So early that the bedroom still has that hazy new day light look to it. There’s a stillness in the air from being undisturbed all night, and everything is quiet. Quiet except for the soft kisses that are being pressed against Taylor’s cheek, her neck, and along her shoulder through the shirt she’s sleeping in. Last night was beautiful. Beautiful because she completely turned her head off. They both did. Both brought each other to paradise and back, lost track of once, then and now.
Joe’s kisses are soft, and innocent, even when they suck or there’s a nick of teeth. Occasionally he stops and buries his nose into whatever part of her he’s focused on now and he just breathes in the scent of her mixing with his after spending all night in her bed. It’s an endearing sign of the way he’s absorbing every bit of her, but she thinks she’d laugh if she was nearer to a proper state of consciousness. He’s so gentle. Showers her with kisses like a baby.
Joe moves his body closer and the kisses move to the other side of her neck and face. He sighs contentedly and Taylor smiles softly behind closed eyes when he squeezes her with sleep-weakened arms.
“Will you open your eyes for me, Tay?” The question is scratchy and full of sleep. Taylor sighs once more.
“Mmm,” she mumbles. “Maybe.”
Joe rubs the faintest beginnings of stubble onto her cheek and she giggles and pushes gently against his face but he moves closer. A soft but obvious pressure on her thigh makes her moan softly.
“Joe...“
He groans lazily on her neck, “It’s okay, babe, it’ll go down,” he promises her with his tired morning voice. “I don’t want… just wanna love….” The words turn into mumbles and he continues his gentle kisses. Taylor hums her consent and slides her hand around his back and scratches it softly through his shirt. He loves that. And it feels nice – him loving on her. So she may as well let him continue. It’s not like she even has to open her eyes.
“What brought this on?” Taylor asks softly as he breathes out comfortably against her neck before biting gently. She can’t help smiling. This whole concept of turning her brain completely off has been a success so far.
“You just..” He distracts himself by tucking the shirt of his that she’s wearing up her stomach and dropping down to press kisses against it. His hair tickles Taylor’s skin when it curtains his face. “You look so good when you’re not thinking.”
She makes an annoyed little grunt, because what the hell is that supposed to mean?
“Like not thinking too hard, or worried, or anything..” Joe explains against her stomach while he kisses up to her ribcage.
“And it makes me feel things….” He drags his warm hand over Taylor’s side and pushes it up under her shirt and cups her breast in his hand. He loves how her boobs feel in his hands, he always has – soft, and full. With two nipples that easily get hard even before he works carefully on them.
“I know,” she whispers and scratches his scalp gently in a way that makes him moan. “I know….” It makes him feel feelings that she feel, too. Strong, deep, solid, but mixed with definitions that they weren’t ready to reel in.
His breath is hot on her sternum and he nudges her shirt up to expose her boob to him. He pinches the nipple softly between his thumb and forefinger before leaning down and closing his parting lips around it. His tongue is warm and soft as he strokes it in a pattern reminiscent to the one that gets her off when his face used to be in between her thighs, and his teeth only just graze the soft pillow of her breast. Taylor peers through a crack between her eyelashes at him and just catch his ocean blue eyes sliding shut and that little crinkle of concentration appears while he suckles like he’s hungry. 
Hungry for her. A hunger that only she can satisfy. She knows that.
Taylor’s eyes squeeze shut in reaction to his tongue and her breath hitches in her throat.
He groans when she pushes her chest up into his mouth and her fingers tighten in his hair. Joe swirls, and sucks, and nips, and kisses, and releases with a pop before he does it all over again. “Beautiful,” she hears him whispering to himself. “Soft, and so….” His breath falls with delicious heat across your newly wet breast as he trails off. Taylor’s ears are ringing and she’s squirming, almost struggling underneath him. She whispers his name roughly when he moves to her other boob. She makes a sound between a whine and a moan and he pushes into her thigh suddenly.
“I’m… hard.” His voice is gravelly and although it’s not a question, he’s begging her for permission. She smiles at him, slowly wanders with her hands from his hair to his cheeks. His beautiful eyes look into hers and she feels goosebumps all over her body. His eyes are full of lust, full of longing. And Taylor certainly doesn’t need him to tell her that because she can feel him practically jumping against her leg. Apparently, their “one night thing” wasn’t going to go down as he said it would. The night was over and the room is filled with light. Yet he can’t help but give in to his urges. “We don’t have time,” she mumbles as he kisses the spot between her boobs.
“I can be quick,” he mumbles back with another gentle roll of his hips. He shudders and a growl echoes in his throat. “I can be real quick,” he promises.
“Don’t brag,” she replies to him with a shaking head and another scratch at his scalp, simulating pulling him closer. She’s smirking at him. He smiles back at the beautiful woman in front of him. Last night was much needed. But last night didn’t satisfy his longing for her. It made it even worse.
“Please,” he is asking again and his face drops in her neck. He’s thrusting softly but steadily into her leg and his breath hitches in his throat. “It almost hurts, baby. Didn’t have you in a long time..” are the only words he manages to get out. He reaches across to pull her closer and grinds harder for a moment. “Doesn’t it almost hurt for you?” he asks softly.
Taylor’s thighs press together because yes, it does hurt. Her belly is screaming to have the tension winding deep within it released. To have him spread her and start her morning with open thighs and a rough, quiet fuck that’ll leave her pleasantly tingly for the rest of the day. To feel him cum so deep and so far that his seed would have no problem taking root in her once again. She needs him. A lot. If she stops him now, the two of them will just be disgruntled from leaving their orgasms unattended to. She knows that. She knows that too well.
Maybe it’s the fact that she’s not answering that makes him stop the rolling of his pelvis. He’d never, never in a million years actually push unless he was sure he wasn’t pushing at all, so if he must he can take care of himself in the bathroom quickly (because he’s beyond the point of return in hoping it’ll go down peacefully). He kisses Taylor’s neck gently and tenses his body to lift up and away, but then she whimpers and tightens her fingers in his hair with a shake of her head. He looks back at her. Smiles. Her bangs are messed up from last night. Her eyes still puffy. He has never seen any creature more beautiful than the mother of his child early in the morning.
“No, don’t stop.” her words are hardly audible. “Don’t stop, just don’t..”
“Are you sure?” he asks gruffly, checking to be sure he hasn’t manipulated her and that she wants this, too, again.
Taylor answers him by taking his hand and guiding it into her slip that she put on again last night. Joe’s lips part for a moment when he feels how easily his fingers slide between her lips. He is stunned into silence when two of his fingers dip inside of her and Taylor stiffens just for a moment from the sudden invasion before melting back into the mattress. He doesn’t waste any time after that, and pulls her panties down with the help of Taylor’s shifting hips. She needs him. She needs him a lot.
Taylor feels him adjust next to her in bed and then he’s hoisting himself over her and pushing her thighs apart to settle in between them. Taylor’s hands slide to the back of his neck and his short hair tickles her forearms and for the first time that morning her eyes pop open fully.
His eyes still filled with traces of sleep, though they are open wide with undiluted lust, and his lips are pinker than usual from their eager work on Taylor’s neck, stomach, and breasts, and they bear shiny remnants of saliva. His hair is wilder than usually from the raking and tugging and scratching of Taylor’s fingers this morning.
Joe touches his knuckles gently to her jaw. “There you are,” he says as she look up at him with blurry, new-morning eyes. He grins at her, but it’s fleeting when he lowers down against Taylor and her wetness encounters that which is dribbling from his head. He inhales sharply and mutters a sharp, “fuck” before reaching down and guiding himself to her entrance and sliding in swiftly.
Taylor gasps from the sudden stretching sensation and winds her arms around his back. Joe lets her adjust for a moment before withdrawing and then rolling back into her with a high grunt. His eyes roll up and he presses a kiss to her forehead. She feels so good. She smells so good. He’s starting slow, letting her stomach curl and his spine sizzle from the sudden jump into these sensations. Why does this slow pace feel so so good. Taylor moans for the second time today. The slow pace doesn’t last long though, because it’s not what the two of them are after, and it definitely isn’t what they have time for on Christmas Day. Joe shushes her gently when she moans unbidden with each deep, reckless stroke into her. It was a little too loud. A little too obvious. After all, they have a child sleeping in the room next to them. A child that doesn’t need to become part of this cuddle.
Joe pulls back just to his ridge nearly every time, and each resulting reentry feels longer and deeper as a consequence and it’s waking both of them up with more intensity than she had bargained for.
He’s ducked his head a bit to watch himself disappear in and out of her and it’s putting him into a trance. He then looks into her eyes, loses himself in the observation of her lustfilled face, the little O she formed with her lips. It leaves him with a tight stomach and an even tighter lower region, just looking into her face. He’s so caught up in it that he almost misses the way she’s starting to clutch at him and keening in the base of her throat. “Oh my God,” he groans low in his throat.
“Joe!” she moans slowly.
Taylor’s orgasm is starting to curl in her belly, nudging itself deeper into her and demanding to be unfurled with very bump and slide of his penis inside of her. Her thighs hitch up higher around him and he groans softly in encouragement and swipes his hand along the outside of one of them before digging in.
“Faster,” she whispers and shudders softly. “Faster, please!” She’s close, so desperately close and just needs him to be… relentless, the way she knows he can be.
Joe rocks quicker and Taylor’s mouth falls open with a whine. His mouth is on her throat and his teeth are nicking your skin with each harsh pant of his open mouth against it. She’s always liked it a little faster, a little rougher and deeper. But just with him. Nobody else could see that side in her, except for him. He doesn’t even apologize much anymore when he hits a little too hard because most of the time, she’ll just sink her nails into his back and her teeth into his shoulder in reward. He knows it gets her off faster if he doesn’t treat her like she’s made of glass. And from the current look on her face, the little frown and full lips that are slightly parted, she needs to be very, very quick right—
Joe’s eyes screw shut. He can’t possibly have just heard a knock on the door.
“Daddy?” a tiny voice calls through it.
He immediately stops on top of her but is still buried inside of her. Joe’s whole face tenses and he swallows hard. And Taylor seriously thinks she could cry because he’s stopped at the thickest part of himself and she feel so full and so hungry for the pressure of him moving in and out of her. And yet her daughter is standing right outside with only a thin door to separate the two of them. Taylor could cry, she could cry because he stopped. Because he’s still on top of her, still inside of her, yet he’s not allowed to move or make a sound.
“Yeah, angel?” Joe calls out hoarsely, swallowing thickly.
“Are you gonna make me pancakes? Where’s mummy?”
Joe bites his bottom lip hard and she feels him twitch inside of her with the desire to keep driving home to the finishing point. Taylor herself is deathly still underneath him, breathing shallowly and quickly. She has no idea what he’s going to tell Eleanor now. All she knows is that he better gets creative now, or this five year old girl will walk into the room and never unsee this disturbing sight of her parents.
“Mummy is.. still asleep. Let daddy sleep for a couple more minutes as well and then we’ll make pancakes.” he promises. Joe shifts a bit above her, inadvertently sliding a bit farther into her and the sound he makes is downright agonized. “Just..” Joe trails off before harshly whispering an exasperated “fuck me!” under his breath and sliding slowly forward. “Shh, shh, shh,” she whispers urgently to him when his eyes widen and Taylor’s nails dig into his back once more.
“Let your mum and I jus’… fin—“ he clenches his teeth, “get ready for the day,” he calls louder in a strained voice. “Put the telly on, okay angel?”
Taylor’s back arches up when he pushes in again and her mouth falls open in a silent cry. Taylor immediately covers her mouth, more than afraid that Eleanor just heard her. Joe can’t help but smirk widely and lean down to kiss this beautiful woman who’s clearly struggling and sweating underneath him. He kisses her inaudibly, then slowly pulls back.
“Put it on real loud, okay?” he asks with a smile while looking at her and moving again once more. “Watch whatever the—fu–!” Taylor has tightened around him again and he can barely keep his eyes open in pleasure. “Whatever you want!” he finishes significantly weaker than when he started. He bucks forward into her and Taylor gasps once more. “We won’t be long..” he thrusts again and Taylor’s head thrashes a bit as she undulates her hips up into his and tighten her legs around his hips.
Joe and Taylor both hear Eleanor chirp happily. They both can’t help but laugh quietly. Then, after a while, Joe slowly grinds into her until he’s sure she’s disappeared.
“You’re going to pay for that, love,” he promises under his breath. “That wasn’t very—“ He groans when he pushes deeper. “Not very nice.” Taylor whimpers when he bites down on the corner of her jaw. “You want me to..fill you up that badly?” he rumbles as he finds his rhythm again. She loves it when he talks to her like that in bed. The most respectful, most well put together guy on earth talking dirty is her turn on. He knows that. Each following punch of Joe’s hips forward is like a battering ram and she feels it deep, deeper than deep. “Want me to f-fill you now?” He inhales sharply. “Want me so badly?”
He’s not playing fair and it’s been so long since she has heard him speaking this brashly with her. It’s going to destroy her. There was a reason she had the best sex of her life with him and these past ten minutes are her reminder of why.
“Yes!” She moans weakly, feels like losing herself underneath him
Joe’s pressing deeper, faster, and the slick base of his length is gliding up and down along the nerves of her clit.
Taylor almost shouts and suddenly his hand is heavy over her mouth to muffle the strained cries coming from her throat. Her breath is fast and strong against his fingers and he feels her mouth open wider in a cry beneath his palm and he presses down firmer when she starts to shake. “Someone’s waking up, huh?” Taylor whimpers again and her head rolls from side to side before her back arches off the bed and she’s finally climaxing, hard, fastening onto him with winding legs and arms and hips that jerk spasmodically into his. She’s grateful that he covered her mouth, but it only just manages muffle her helpless shrieks.
Joe’s not far behind, and once her channel has relaxed enough to let him move he’s plowing back into her without forgiveness, with his mouth at her throat, inhaling her scent deeply off her sweaty neck. It can’t take more than thirty seconds worth of relentless ramming inside of her before he’s trembling with his lip sucked in between his teeth while he orgasms with deep, thick, hot ribbons inside of her. Taylor thinks it’s rather controlled of him given the way he was moving just seconds ago, but when he collapses to the side of her he finally gasps and mumbles incoherently descriptive swears, some of which she doesn’t think she has ever heard in her life. He’s breathing heavily and when she turns her head around to look over at him there are a few drops of sweat visible on his face and his eyes are squeezed shut in disbelief.
“Th-that,” she gulps, “got very dirty, v-very… fast.”
Her thighs are still trembling from the sensations, and the stickiness between them is evidence of how well he’d kept it. She whimpers unknowingly and covers her newly shut eyes with her hand. She’s exhausted, and her body aches from the delicious sensation of being used and rewarded for waking up.
Joe acknowledges what she said with some type of sound that sounds somewhere between a groan and death.
Taylor and him keep staring at each other, still intertwined, still unable to pull back or move.
“Are you okay?” He asks then, notices her tired eyes. She doesn’t answer him, just nods. The mood is suddenly so different just within a few moments. The lust is gone and deep satisfaction is in the air. Taylor smiles at him, lands with her shaky hand on his head once more.
He’s confused, but smiles as well.
“What?”
“We had sex three times since yesterday.” She answers with a smirk. He returns with a laugh, then moves so that his torso is pressed against her torso once more. Heat and sweat between their skins, reminding him of what just happened in this room.
Joe places both his hands on her cheeks, looks at her in awe. A beautiful masterpiece. That’s all she is. Her blonde curls sticky against her forehead. Her lips read from kissing and sucking on his skin.
“We had a lot of catching up to do.” Joe says and she smiles. He isn’t lying.
“And now?”he asks, looks more serious suddenly, clearly hoping for more than just a gentle kiss and a smile.
“Pancakes. Your daughter requested pancakes.” She says, then slowly escapes his grip and leaves the bed within a few seconds. Joe looks after her, watches her disappear in the bathroom. She grants him once last smile before closing the door.
He definitely hoped for more than that.
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beerecordings · 4 years
Text
thinking about how in the Marvin’s Cage au or in any version of “Marvin’s the one who traps JJ in the box and then when they find out Jackie kicks Marvin out and brings Jameson home” Jackie would be SO SO over-protective and highkey loving and affirming and spoil Jameson so much because
this little guy has been through actual hell and he’s a nervous wreck who’s never been loved before, of course Jackie’s going to smother him in affection
2. Jackie’s little brother was the one who trapped him so Jackie feels like he has to make up for Marvin’s cruelty and also he blames himself for not seeing the signs and saving Jameson sooner
3. Jackie misses Marvin so much and compensates for it by putting all of that missing love onto Jameson
(and it’s a little unhealthy (okay maybe really unhealthy at times) because he’s projecting his memories of the relationship he and Marvin had when Marvin was young and innocent and loved him so much and he can’t help but see young Marvin in this new little brother. Jackie really wants to protect and foster him so he doesn’t lose that innocence like Marvin did, because just thinking about having to kick out another brother or realize that they’ve done something horrible is enough to make him break down)
okay and then i just wrote like a whole damn essay on Jackie’s anxiety and relationship with JJ after he has to kick Marvin out so i’m putting it under a cut hahaha
He starts giving Henrik and Chase a lot of extra affection too, like suddenly he’s treating them a lot less like they’re just friends and more like they’re his little brothers, and even like they’re much younger than they are. Henrik gets irritated because Jackie is bossier in his caretaking now, insisting that he go to bed earlier than four in the morning and threatening to carry him there if he doesn’t - but Jackie also sometimes just comes and sits with him while he’s working and Henrik understands that this is his way of trying to protect him and allows it because he wants to see Jackie heal. Chase doesn’t mind the extra attention at all, suddenly Jackie is taking time off superhero stuff to stay home and do fun things with him and he’ll even cuddle up with him on the couch a little while they watch movies and stuff! it’s pretty great, but Chase can tell sometimes that Jackie is only acting happy to try and make him happy, because they both miss Marvin a lot. but nobody in the house talks about Marvin. they haven’t even explained everything that happened to JJ.
Jackie just spoils the hell out of him. he brings JJ presents every couple nights, anything from cute socks he saw or a cool rock to hot chocolate and bigger presents from stores like clothes and art stuff. Henrik keeps warning him not to spoil him too much, because JJ is learning pretty well that he can get whatever he wants just by pouting a little and Henrik knows it’s not mature, but Jackie can’t help it!! he wants to give him whatever he needs!!
when Jameson has panic attacks or nightmares, Jackie can’t be removed from his side, or at the very least he’s standing outside his door guarding him. they’ve never seen him quite this worked up about protecting someone!! usually part of the reason Jackie is comforting during anxious or depressive episodes is because he’s so calm and sure, but now he gets upset and weepy whenever Jamie shows the smallest signs of distress, because he can’t stop thinking about Marvin being the one who did this to him. he’ll sit up with Jameson long into the night and tell him over and over again that he’s safe, that he loves him, that he’ll never let anything take him away again.
Jackie has like. a thousand pictures of Jameson just smiling on his phone. he cried the first time Jameson smiled at him (he was the first one of them he did smile at and nothing makes Jackie feel more like a good big brother than that)
he teases Chase and Henrik about being shitty at things lol (”YOU SUCK AT MARIO CART HA”) but with Jameson it’s all this “no no no you’re doing so good buddy!! here i’ll teach you how to fix this one little thing!!” and Chase and Henrik are just like. “jackie we hate u” but it’s pretty funny really
he trained Chase and Henrik to fight - at least the basics - within the first couple months of their creation, but he’s much more cautious with Jamie. Henrik and Chase have to be the ones to teach him the first couple lessons just to prove to Jackie that he can do it and he won’t break. and then? Jackie trains Jameson harder than he ever trained the others, trying to make him as strong as he can, as skilled as he can, trying to make sure Jameson will be able to protect himself even if something happens to him.
Chase and Henrik are watching all this a little nervously. Jackie adores Jameson, melts for Jameson, dotes on Jameson - it’s pretty damn cute, but it worries them a little, especially because, as Jameson matures, he starts to act more adult around them and then reverts back to “i am tiny and need love :333″ around Jackie
it’s when Jackie has a complete meltdown in Henrik’s arms about how he’s constantly, constantly terrified for his baby brother that they realize there’s like... a real big problem going on here. they call up their old family therapist (they haven’t been going since Marvin... left) and they start trying to work this stuff out. Jackie has Jameson under his arm the whole first session, trying not to cry because this place reminds him of Marvin, anxious to have his little brother in a new place, constantly assuring JJ everything’s going to be okay - projecting his own anxiety onto his little brother and telling himself he’s fine, it’s JJ who needs help, it’s JJ who’s been through trauma, not Jackie... Jameson lets Jackie hold him and pats his knee comfortingly. by the end of the session Jackie is thinking maybe Jamie understands him better than he understands himself, and he’s overwhelmingly grateful that his little brother is letting him do what he feels like he needs to do to help himself survive this grief
they have to push Jackie to even allow Jameson to progress as an adult because he’s just so terrified of anything happening to his baby brother. he’s like that mom watching her kid try to leave for the first day of school like “do you have everything you need??? recite my phone number back to me. don’t talk to strangers!! hold your brother’s hand when you cross the street! I already called the school to tell them all about your allergies and to ask the teacher to be nice to you!!! wait give me one more hug!!! i love you!!!!!!!!” and Jamie’s actually really excited to go to the movies for the first time but Jackie’s all stressed and upset. Henrik and Chase are pulling him away like “MOM WE’RE FINE” and Jackie’s waving them goodbye from the door and texting them every fifteen minutes for updates... lol he loves him
and once he gets on board with Jameson growing up and being more independent and adjusts to it, he takes him to all his favorite places and to do all his favorite things because he just wants to share every part of his life with Jameson and give him all the happiness he can
it takes Jackie a really long time to learn to show any weakness around Jameson because he doesn’t want him to feel unsafe, but Jameson is so supportive of him once he starts opening up to him. Jamie is always trying to return all the love he’s been given and he learns all the best ways to take care of all his brothers when they’re suffering. Jackie thinks the world of him for that and tells him he has a really good heart
in the end they mostly just have to let Jackie grieve Marvin (healthy grief takes about six months) and adjust to someone new in the house, and after that he mellows out about it, but Jameson is still his little buddy and he loves him so so much and spoils the hell out of him hahaha. it’s good for Jameson to be mother-henned a little bit for the first few months and improves his self-esteem, really. no matter how he’s feeling he almost always believes that Jackie, at least, loves him and will never betray or imprison him like that bad man in the mask did.
about a year after taking Jameson in to the house, Jackie and Jameson are best of friends and see each other as equals. they both look out for each other when they’re sad or in trouble and love each other so so much. Jackie still brings JJ presents a couple times a month, and now JJ gets them for him too, and there’s nothing that makes Jackie happier.
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bae-roman · 5 years
Note
Can you do Fluff # 2, 5 & 7 for Roman and Bunny
“I missed you so much.” − 15 roman to Bunny
“OH you’re jealous!” − 5
“Have you always been this beautiful?”−4
“Nobody’s seen you in days.” − 11
“Why are you lying to me?” − 4
“If you don’t hug me right now I think I might fall apart.” −17
“Are you hurt?”“No”“Then why are there bruises all over your face?” − 16
“I’ve never told you that before.” − 8
“Forget it, you’re a fucking asshole.” − 6
“Is there a reason you’re blushing like that?” −2
“Please just kiss me already.” −7
“Go with me?” “As long as you hold my hand.” −1
sad HC with a happy ending 
Happy HC
Roman and Bunny in an argument
General Roman angst
Roman being shitty
Hey guyssssss
So, I WROTE A THING
We got fluff,we got angst, we got some happy shit, we got some sad shit,we got roman being an asshole and Roman being sweet AND because I love you all so so dearly, we even got a lil bit of S M U T.
I was not lying when I said I combined a shit ton of prompts in an attempt to clear out my inbox, so please indulge with me under the cut.
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As always, feel free to like, reblog, comment and/or send me asks about it
*Since there were SO many requests included in this, I posted all the asks at the end of the post!
All of this would happen closer to the beginning of their relationship, before they actually began a full on relationship.
Roman was still coping with the fact that he had actual caring feelings for someone and his way of dealing with it was occasionally going AWOL for a bit. He would basically ignore her and pretend she didn’t exist until he realized he was being an idiot and shouldn’t push away the best thing in his life. Since this was at the beginning, before he was actually her boyfriend, she was more tolerant of this type of behaviour. She could tell through the way that he asked her out the first time, that he wasn’t the best at feelings and emotions. She really liked him though, so she put her pride to the side and was beyond understanding  while he figured his own shit out.
Anyways, on a night out together, after one of Roman’s MIA weeks, they sat in a restaurant catching up. Roman was well aware he needed to tread carefully to keep her. He had done this multiple times at this point and knew that if he continued with the way he was acting, Bunny’s patience would soon run out.
Roman loved flirting with Bunny, especially in the early days of their relationship. She would get so obviously flustered and he found it quite the ego boost (not that he needed one). Tonight they were speaking so suggestively that at one point, he couldn’t help but notice just how red her cheeks were. He looked her up and down smugly, “Is there a reason you’re blushing like that?” Bunny took a sip of  wine and tilted her head, “Is there a reason you’re staring at me like that?” she asked, only slightly uncomfortable by Roman’s intense and unwavering ogling. “No…” he shook his head, “It’s just”, he leaned in closer to her, “have you always been this beautiful?” She raised her brow and took another sip, “you’re really laying it on thick, aren’t you?” she teased. Roman smirked, “What can I say? I just missed you so much” Bunny snorted and rolled her eyes at him.
The rest of dinner went just like that. Roman showering her in only half sarcastic compliments in an attempt to smooth things over between them and Bunny not fully buying his game but allowing him to continue just because she missed this, and him.
As they were leaving dinner, Roman told her he had a surprise for her. Despite Bunny’s many attempts to get him to tell her what it was, he kept his mouth shut, refusing to give her as much as a hint. After a bit, Roman pulled up to the parking lot of a carnival. The same carnival where they got stuck that night. Bunny looked a him curiously and he just grinned , “Remember when we listed all the places we haven−”
But before he could finish what he was saying, Bunny groaned loudly and interrupted him.
“Oh god, please not the list again. Seriously Roman, when has this list ever worked out for us? Every time some shit happens and−” “But you cum, don’t you?”
As much as she didn’t want to agree, the boy had a point.
The list, for your information, was something they came up with when they were stuck in the ferris wheel. One of the ways they kept themselves entertained for those 2 hours was making a list of other places they never had sex in. It was a pretty achievable list Roman thought, so he made a point to cross a couple off. The problem was that every single time they tried to accomplish anything off it, things never ran smoothly; like the cornfield where they ended up scarring a child for life and almost getting charged with public indecency or on top of the old water tower where Roman thrust into her so hard that the safety pole got loose and they almost fell to their deaths or in the pond in the forest where they saw a bear − they didn’t have much luck with the list okay, but Roman was persistent and next on their list? A haunted house.
Bunny gave him a slightly irritated look before finally agreeing and getting out of the car, “Fine. But I’m only agreeing to this because I haven’t been dicked down in 8 days and I think I’ll lose my mind if I don’t get some soon.”
Roman chuckled but then, as her words sunk in and he stopped in his tracks,  “8 days? I haven’t seen you in 2 weeks”
Bunny mentally cursed herself. When Roman ghosted her again, she got annoyed but after 6 days with no messages, calls or anything? She was straight up pissed. Now, Bunny was never one to sit and mope about a boy or let one consume her whole life so while Roman was handling all of his issues, Bunny went on as she normally would. And then, when she needed a fuck and Roman was still not talking to her? She found someone else.
Was he as hot as Roman?
No.
Was he as good as Roman?
No.
Did she feel the way she felt with Roman when she was with him?
Also no, but he was there and good enough for a hook up so she did it.
Her and Roman weren’t in a relationship and thus had never talked about being exclusive. She didn’t feel guilty about what she did and it wasn’t a secret, but it also wasn’t something she planned on telling the guy she actually liked −  intentionally at least.
“Right, 2 weeks. That’s what I meant.” Bunny hoped that Roman would accept her lie and that they could just move foreword with their plans, but of course that didn’t happen.
“Bullshit”.
“No it’s not”
“Why are you lying to me? I’m not your fucking boyfriend. You can fuck whomever you want.”
Ouch, Bunny thought to herself.
“Fine, I fucked someone else ok?”
Roman bit the inside of his cheek and nodded, “So what, was he some other stranger you met at a club and fucked in an alley? Or did you fuck another billionaire so he’d take you to expensive dinners and trips too?” His words dripped with venom despite his casual tone.
“No, dickhe−”
“ −You make them use a condom when they fuck you? Or do you let them cum in you too?”
“ Yeah, that’s my thing, actually. I find rich guys at clubs, seduce them and then try to get knocked up. That’s been my game plan the entire time. Sorry I didn’t tell you before, I wanted it to be a surprise.” Bunny pushed her stomach out and wrapped her arms around it like an expectant mother would. She turned to face roman and in a mocking voice said, “I’m due in 6 months, it’s yours.”
“Fuck you.”
“Why do you care so much? You said it yourself, you’re not my boyfriend so why does it matter to you who I fuck? − Oh shit, you’re jealous, aren’t you?”
Roman laughed humourlessly at her accusation, “ Jealous? Is that a joke? You’re nothing more to me than some kinky slut who lets me fuck her on demand. If your pussy wasn’t so tight and you required more than a lousy dinner to put out, I would’ve left you on the street like every other whore and never looked back” he spat.
Bunny saw red.
“You’re pathetic, you know that? You pretend to be this big man but you’re really just a fucking teenager so terrified that everyone’s going to leave you, you can’t even admit your feelings. You act so nice on dates and trips and we have such a good time but then whenever shit gets too real you run away with your dick tucked between your legs. You’re such a fucking coward. I can’t believe I wasted so much of my time letting you figure your shit out, you − You know what? Forget it, you’re a fucking asshole. I’m over you and all of your baggage. I’d tell you not to call me, but we both know you’ve already got a gold medal in pretending I don’t exist” Bunny ranted loudly while marching away from him.
The fairgrounds were much too far from home for her to walk, but she didn’t care. She was so sick of his shit and would walk 1000 miles just to prove a point. Her plan, realistically was to call an uber once she was out of sight but Roman didn’t need to know that. Bunny wanted him to physically see her walk out of his life and hoped he marvelled at her ass for the rest of his lonely miserable existence, knowing what he gave up.
Bunny cared for Roman, she really did but the fact that he had the nerve to say such nasty things to her, especially when she did nothing wrong. She wanted to scream at him more. She wanted to yell at the top of her lungs that she was guilty of nothing. He’d ghosted her, once again. She hadn’t seen of heard from him in days. He pretended she didn’t exist, what was she supposed to do? Wait by her phone until he decided to stop being an ass? He wasted space and she gave it to him, he needed to grow up. She stopped herself though, knowing that anything she’d say would fall on deaf ears. Whatever small part of him cared about her clearly didn’t outweigh his disrespect for her and she was finally done.
Although dramatically storming off went well in her head, Bunny forgot about one very important factor − her shoes. Her beautiful expensive shoes that made her ass look fantastic but were insanely uncomfortable and hard to walk in, especially on loose gravel. So, when Bunny took off she was fine for a minute before slipping and falling flat on her face then rolling down into the ditch.
While Roman was beyond pissed at her and didn’t want to give any indication that he cared, her fall looked pretty bad so begrudgingly, he went to check on her.
“Are you hurt?” he called over as he approached her
“No. Not like you actually give a fuck” she grumbled,  mumbling the last part to herself, getting up and dusting herself off.
“Then why are there bruises all over your face?”
“They aren’t bruises, they’re rocks” Bunny stated matter of factly, brushing them off her face. Not wanting to cause any further harm to her ego, she tried to continue her dramatic exit only to cry out in pain as she took a step. Of course she managed to  fuck up her ankle, she thought to herself.
Hearing her yelp, Roman instinctively rushed to her side and tried to support her but she pushed him away.
“I’m fine. I don’t need your help, just go”
“I’m not leaving you like this, you can’t even walk …. the last thing I need is for you to get murdered because I left you here all alone, the press would have a field day and I don’t need any more bad PR.” Roman quickly added the last part to save himself from showing his genuine concern over her safety and wellbeing.
Bunny rolled her eyes and imitated him before pushing him away again, trying − and failing − once more to carry on with her journey home.
“Look, let me at least take you to the first aid tent, ok? Then I’ll leave forever and they’ll give you some ice for your ankle and you can do whatever you want.”
The last thing a Bunny wanted to do was spend a single second more with Roman but she knew how stubborn he was and her ankle really did hurt.
“Fine.”
With that, Roman scooped Bunny up into his arms and headed towards the tent.
The walk was awkward and silent. They had both just screamed horrible things to each other and decided to never speak again yet here they were.
When they finally arrived at the first aid tent , they observed that it was just one man by himself. He stood up when he saw Bunny and Roman coming up to him and led them inside the tent, instructing them to tell him what had happened.
Roman had initially intended to drop Bunny off and then leave right away, but there was something about the way the guy − Jordan, according to his name tag − was leering at Bunny that made even Roman feel uncomfortable, so he decided to stick around.
Bunny was too busy focusing on her ankle and didn’t even realize the way Jordan was treating her. To be fair, Bunny was slightly intoxicated and always had trouble realizing when someone was checking her out or making a move. She was always afraid of becoming one of those girls who thought any time anyone spoke to her, it was just because they wanted to get with her. She ended up overcompensating for this so much that it was rare she noticed when someone was actually flirting with her. Bunny knew she was attractive, of course, she just wasn’t snobby about it.
Jordan had her sit on one of the portable gurneys and brought her an ice pack. Despite Roman’s gut instinct, Jordan seemed fine, until he put his hands on Bunny’s shoulders. This act also clued Bunny in on Jordan’s intentions.
“So, does anything else hurt?” He asked, giving her shoulders a light rub.
Just as Bunny was going to threaten to break Jordan’s arms if he didn’t get them off of her, Roman stood up and walked closer. “It’s her ankle that’s fucked up, not her shoulder so I suggest you take your grimy hands off of them.” “hey man”, Jordan raised his arms, “ I’m just making sure she’s okay, head injuries can be sneaky. We wouldn’t want you to have a concussion now, would we?” He asked, placing his hands back on her and giving her shoulders a squeeze and letting his fingers fall much lower than appropriate.
Bunny jerked away from his touch, “Get the fuck off of me, creep.”
Roman grabbed the guy by the collar and held him off the ground, “Apologize to the lady and get the fuck out or I will break every bone in your perverted little body” he growled.
Jordan stuttered out an apology and speed walked back outside.
Roman looked Bunny over, “You okay?”
She nodded, “Yeah, thanks.”
It was quiet for a while until she spoke up again, You didn’t have to do that,you know. I could’ve handled it.”
“I know.”
Bunny nodded again carefully.
Once again, they were surrounded by an awkward silence.
“About what I said before, I should have - well I mean it was partially true and you did kind of deserve it,  but…”, she shook her head. “…I should have said it nicer.”
Roman snorted, “are you seriously apologizing to me right now?”
“Well it’s not really an apology but I guess”
He looked at her incredulously, “I should be apologizing to you. You were right. About everything. I have no right to be jealous and I do push people away and I’m sorry for what I said. It was fucked up and I didn’t mean it and I… I’m an asshole but I’m sorry. I.. I’m new to all of this” he rambled, running a hand through his now disheveled hair.
“I’ve never actually liked a girl before − not like this, not like I like you and I− I’m a really shit guy Bunny and you deserve better. But every time I try to to the right thing and leave you alone, I just can’t stay away. It’s like I’m addicted to you or some shit and−” “Shut up!” Bunny yelled, surprising even her self.
Roman just looked at her.
“You are a dick, and we definitely need to have a proper discussion about all of this later but right now… please, just kiss me already.”
Roman obeyed and kissed her passionately.
Bunny pulled away and grabbed his chin in her palm, looking straight into his eyes she said, “If you ever pull any shit like that again, I’m done Roman, I swear. I will stay out of your life forever and no amount of gifts or apologies will ever bring me back, got it?”
Roman nodded.
The two of them repositioned themselves on the gurney so that she was sitting in-between his legs, leaning on his broad chest, still icing her ankle.
They talked about little things, but mostly they took comfort in each other’s presence, both thankful that things ended up the way they did. After a while, Bunny again broke the silence,
“Roman?”
“hmm?”
“You ever have sex in a first aid tent?”
“No.”
“Me neither.”
That was all the invitation Roman needed. Making sure the coast was clear, he hiked Bunny’s dress up, ready to slip his fingers into her pretty panties that she always wore but to his pleasant surprise, she wasn’t wearing any.
He moaned at the sight of her while Bunny sucked gently on his neck and collar.
Roman ran his fingers up and down her folds, teasing her entrance before tapping her lips. She opened her mouth obediently, sucking his long fingers clean. Roman removed his fingers from her mouth slowly and entered them inside her other opening.
Bunny let out a hiss, throwing her head back into Roman’s chest.
He only got to tease her for a little before she pushed his hands away and scooted down the bed. She turned around and grabbed his belt, taking it off easily she yawned down his briefs and took his whole length into her mouth. She bobbed her head up and down until he was nice and hard, occasionally sucking on his balls and licking the tip of his member.
Roman reached for bunny and grabbed her by her waist, moving her so that her core was right above his member. She gripped his cock and ran it between her folds a few times, getting it and herself wetter before finally sinking down on it.
Bunny took his full length into her and continued to ride him, the pair finding each other’s lips as they fucked.
Although it may have started out sweet, the tone quickly changed as Roman grabbed a fistful of Bunny’s hair and pulled.
“That guy ever fuck you as good as I do?”
“No daddy” Bunny moaned out
“That’s what I thought. You’ve been a bad girl, haven’t you”
Bunny moaned and Roman grabbed at her hair again, harder this time, “Haven’t you?” he repeated sternly.
“So bad.”
“That’s what I thought. You know what bad girl’s get, don’t you Bunny?”
She nodded and with that, Roman brought his hand down roughly over her left ass cheek.
They continued until they reached their climaxes, first Bunny with Roman following no long after.  
Once they were finished, and Bunny’s ankle was feeling better, Roman turned to her and gave her a soft kiss, “I really did miss you, you know”, he murmured against her plump lips. Bunny nuzzled her nose against his and smiled. “I missed you too.”
“So can we stop talking about feelings and shit now? Because I think I’m going to barf.”
Bunny chucked and tucked a strand a hair behind her ear, “yeah, we can.”
“Thank god. I’m going to check out that haunted house now, go with me?”
“Fine. As long as you hold my hand.”
Roman grimaced but complied with her request anyways, grasping her little hand with his big one
They left the tent, giving Joran nearly identical death glares as they headed towards their original destination.  
The haunted house was more fun than she imagined. Bunny swore she almost saw Roman jump but could never say for sure. After one particularly unexpected ‘monster’ jumped out at them, Roman grabbed onto her arm for a second. Bunny turned to him and laughed, “scared Godfrey?”
“Yeah, terrified. Actually, If you don’t hug me right now I think I just might fall apart” His words dripped with sarcasm but Bunny gripped onto him tighter anyways. She’d almost lost him once tonight and she wasn’t going to let it happen again.
“ Hey Bunny?”
“yeah?”
“Do you think it would be too ambitious of us to cross two things off our list tonight?” he whispered.
“Not at all”
With that, Roman pulled her into an empty room where they could accomplish what he originally intended to do tonight.
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1-800-hellraiser · 4 years
Text
Requested by: No one
Genre: kinda angsty, with some fluff at the end ;)
Words: 1,214
Pages: 3.3
Associated song: Xanny - Billie Eilish 
!Trigger warning! There's a bit of blood in this chapter, some swearing, and drug use!
=================================
"I'm in their second-hand smoke, still just drinking canned Coke. I don't need a xanny, to feel better"
   Here you are, sitting with your legs put up and your arms around them. Tear streaked cheeks, red bloodshot eyes. You came to this party to have a good time, but your boyfriend met up with his side chick and left you alone.
   Some stoners offered you to play Mario Kart with them in the living room. But you politely declined and instead you're watching them play. You let out a shaky sigh, and stand up.
   "I'll be right back, I'm just gonna go get a drink." A few stoners nod, one of them pipes up. "Could you grab me a Coke please?" You nod, agreeing to his request. You step through the small space behind the couch as to not distract them. You slide by sweaty bodies, making your way to the kitchen. 
   Once you reach the kitchen, you see someone in your peripherals. You turn a bit and see your ''boyfriend'' and his side whore, making out on the counter. You ignore them as much as you can. You take a Coke and a f/s (favorite soda) from the fridge.
   You slowly make your way back to the stoners. Once they come into view, there is someone else sitting with them. He has brown, semi-messy hair and beautiful brown eyes. He is also wearing a cotton black tee shirt with a yellow-ish tan jacket wrapped around his waist. 
    You hand the stoner his Coke "thanks dude," he says, cracking it open. You resume sitting vacantly in your spot on the couch, right next to the stranger. You turn to him, and spot some blood dripping out of his nose. "Excuse me sir, you got some blood right here." You explain to the man, pointing to under your nostril. 
   "Oh, right," he wipes the blood off of his nose "also, you don't gotta call me sir," he sticks out his hand." Please, call me Tim." You hesitate, before taking his offer. "Y/n, good to meet you, Tim." 
   "Hey, Y/n, can I ask you something?" You tilt your head like a confused puppy. "Yeah, shoot at me," You reply. Tim nods "I saw you crying earlier, are you ok?" You feel a knot form in your stomach. "Yeah, I'm ok now, it's just that, my boyfriend brought me here, and now he's with his side chick." You explain, Tim gives you a look of sympathy with a little flash of anger. 
   "Damn, I'm sorry." Tim says comfortingly, placing a hand on your shoulder. "Yeah, I'll talk to him later, probably." Tim nods in response, he then grabs an unused Wii U controller off of the table. "How about a round of Mario Kart to cheer you up?" You giggle and take the controller. 
   "Damnit!" Tim curses in frustration, after you whoop his ass in Mario Kart. You chuckle slightly at his reaction. "Damn, I didn't know I could whoop this much ass at Mario Kart." You comment to yourself, setting the controller down on the coffee table.
   You take a sip of your f/s as Tim gets handed a blunt. You haven't realised that a blunt was being passed around by the stoners. You felt better and less sad about your situation with your ''boyfriend''. Maybe it was just the second hand high finally hitting you.
   Tim taps you on the shoulder. "You wanna hit?" He asks, holding a blunt in between his index finger and thumb. "No thanks, I'm already getting a little second-hand high." Tim nods again and hands the blunt to the stoner who asked you for the Coke. "Thanks man," he responds.
   You continue to play Mario Kart with Tim until the party ends. You and Tim talked throughout the entire thing, so much so that you feel like you've been friends with him forever. You got up off the couch as people were leaving, Tim following your lead. You both get out the front door. You look up at Tim, a shy smile forming on your lips. 
   "I had a lot of fun with you tonight, thank you, Tim." You say as you hug Tim. You rest your head on his chest and wrap your arms around his waist. Tim smiles and sets his head on top of yours, wrapping his arms around your waist. You both stay like that for a solid minute until you hear someone shout your name. 
   "Y/n! Who the hell is that!?" Your semi-drunk ex yells, hobbling up to you and Tim. Oh god, you forgot about him. His side chick at his side, giving you the stink eye. You sigh and prepare for the worst. "Well, since you've been unfaithful in our relationship, I'm going to have to break up with you, I'm sorry." You explain, internally bracing yourself for a fight. 
   "Y/n, babe, you can't just leave me," he smirks letting go of his side chick "I fucking own you." He says as he goes deadpan. You laugh in his face, confidence now surging through your veins. "Own me? Ha! You cant even keep me for five months, how do you own me?" You sneer back at him. 
   "Oh, well dear Y/n, the apartment is in MY name after all! So, you can come back to me or kiss all your valuables goodbye!" He snorts at you. You break a sweat realising he's right. When you guys got together, you bought an apartment and thought it would be a great idea to put the lease in his name. You sigh, all of your confidence vanishing into thin air.
  "Fine. I'll go with you." You look at him with frustrated eyes. "Good" he takes your wrist and grips it hard "try to break up with me again and I'll ruin your fucking world." Your breath gets caught in your throat, realising Tim is standing behind your "boyfriend". "Let her go or I'll fucking end you." Tim practically growls at him. Your "boyfriend" glares at Tim. 
   "Oh yeah? Well then do it, pu-" he stops mid sentence as you see a huge eight inch hunting knife go through your ex's abdomen, then roughly back out. You, gasp in shock, you want to scream, but you can't.
   His side chick however, does so for you. As your ex falls to the ground, his side chick sprints out of view, screaming the entire time. You give a terrified look to Tim. He gently takes you hand, and guides you away from the body.
  "W-where are you t-taking me?" You nervously ask, wanting to pull away but scared as to what will happen if you do. "I'm taking you back to my place. I'll bring you back home after everything from this dies down."
  You nod unsure of what to think. To be fair though, with Tim, you'll be in a better situation, maybe, this won't be so bad after all.
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So Far Away -Five. (Nolan xReader)
A/N: This is the second time i try to post this things eye- 
Anyway, in case you couldn’t tell I messed up the timeline and let’s just pretend Nolan found out about Liam’s ability in a different way okay? k’, you’ll know what I’m talking about when u see it lmaoo also, I won’t follown the plot of the show exactly as it went partly cause I don’t remember well and I don’t have the time to rewatch it all, still I hope you like it tho! 
P.S. Also, what do you guys think about doing blurb nights? or drabbles? I just want to interact with you more ^-^ they’d be about all the fandoms I have on my bio obvsly, not only teen wolf lol let me know what you think! :D -Danny
Words: 1,745
Warnings: bad writing my dudes. Also a bit of blood.
Pt.4
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missing you is a slow burn Every time the earth turns I'm reminded that night is only half the time
The next week went by slowly, from one class to another Y/N was forced to stand there and have nothing but a glance from Nolan every time he walked past. He wasn’t his old self anymore, dry and rough he was nothing but a shadow that followed those boys around. 
One day she decided to pay him a visit, he said they weren’t dating anymore but he never mentioned anything about not being friends and the girl was holding onto that little gap, hoping it wasn’t a bad moment Y/N knocked on his door but no one answered. She knocked a few more times still with no reply. Disappointed she turned around and walked towards the street when a noise on the second floor caught her attention.
Nolan was there, looking directly to Y/N. He wasn’t exactly intimidating, but what scared her was that she couldn’t read his expression.
“What’s wrong, Y/N?” He asked without moving.
“I-I just wanted to talk,” She rubbed her hands to get away from the cold, it was almost night time and she’d brought nothing but a thin blouse and a pair of jeans, naively trusting he’d let her in, “Can I come in?”
“I’m... I have homework,” He replied, and just then Y/N saw something close to worry.
“Me too,” She smiled shyly, “maybe we can finish all faster together?”
“I don’t think is a good idea Y/N, I don’t wanna get distracted but... t-thanks, see you,” Without waiting for a reply, Nolan stepped back and closed his window, Y/N didn’t even get the chance to wish him a good night.
Walking back to her car it felt like a bizarre walk of shame, and Y/N wasn’t exactly the type to give up to things she cared about just like that; in her mind a plan was already forming, she had nothing to lose at that point, and her friends could say she was overreacting and that she should let him go and move on. If it had been any other guy, maybe she’d have agreed with them, but this was Nolan, the same boy she convinced to join the lacrosse team. The same team that helped him beat up innocent kids like Liam and she had to do something about it.
She drove through the streets still distracted by her own thoughts, the town was quiet that night and it was lacking the usual traffic, not that she minded, all she wanted after her disappointing evening was a warm shower and her bed. Maybe snacks. And binge-watch romantic movies so she could finally sink in the miserable feeling around her chest.Y/N drove in silence until Muse ave came into view, a few cars were parked in the middle in the street and people stood around curiously. Assuming it was a car accident, Y/N slowed down, from her side she was the only car, so she could see the scene in front of her. What she saw would change her life forever.
Two bodies covered in blood were laying on the ground, standing in front of them, there was a person. Or at least it looked like one for the most part, it had to legs and two arms, though those arms ended in big, ugly hands with massive claws, and the face was covered in thick hair and his eyes had a golden, savage glow. Not to mention the gigantic fangs coming out of the mouth. 
She had to be dreaming. She was totally dreaming, right? There’s no way that was actually happening, there in front of her. A... a big dog-person growling in the middle of the street.
Then the person turned around and he recognized him. Liam.
“Oh my god,” She gasped, her voice muffled by the hand that went up to cover her mouth in shock.
Nolan’s voice came back to her, almost as if he knew what she was looking at right on that moment.
“You have no idea of what he is, what he is capable of!”
She sees it now, in all his scary glory she sees what Liam is and she wants to lock herself in the nuthouse just for thinking about it. Liam’s a werewolf.
The thing is, even now that she sees his true form, for her Liam still looks... like a scared boy. She can see it on his body language, the way he’s ready to attack but not because he wants to, it’s because he’ll do it if he feels like he needs to.
And what about the bodies? They aren’t mangled, their clothes are okay and the blood is coming from their heads, like someone hit them hard. 
Like a car just ran them over.
She finds it quickly, the blood all over the front of the car of that man. And he’s fine, he doesn’t look scared, in his eyes, Y/N sees a sickening warmth, like he’s pleased with his actions.
Hidden in the boy’s chest she sees it: the girl’s hand. Although is not a normal hand, it has claws. What did they do to be killed in such a cold manner? They were kids. Couldn’t be older than her and Nolan. And still this man decided to finish them off simply cause they were different. 
Granted, it was a terrifying look, a scary kind of different. But she had talked to Liam before, she saw him getting beaten up for the exact reason this man killed his friends and Liam never tried to fight back, for all she knew, they were the real victims.
It was then that even against her better judgement and all that scary movies ever taught her about monsters that she made a decision. 
“Liam!” Almost as if things weren’t weird enough, Scott McCall appeared followed by a girl she remembered as Malia from school. She didn’t know from where did they come from but it didn’t matter, apparently, they knew about Liam’s condition cause they walked straight towards him and surrounded him so no one could see his face. Unfortunately, they were now trapped inside the circle of curious people, and Scott looked around, they had nowhere to go. Or so they thought.
“Scott,” Y/N got out of her car and spoke loud enough to get the young man’s attention, “hey, McCall!”
He found her in the middle of the mess and his eyes went wide, surely thinking she was about to freak out and attack them. “Y/N, I’m sorry-”
“Get in the car,” she cut him out, very aware of the looks people were giving her.
“You’re not gonna let them get inside your car with that... thing, going with you, right?” A woman asked from her left.
“I’m sorry, but last time I checked that ‘thing’ was a human being and the people with him were too”
“They’re monsters!” The man in front of her, the same that had killed the other two spoke up, “they’ll kill us at the first chance”
“You’re crazy,” Y/n replied in disgust, “can’t you see what you did? You killed them! They were kids!”
“Monsters!” Repeated the stranger, and the crowd joined, screaming threats to Liam, who was still covered by Scott’s body.
“Scott, I won’t repeat myself” She insisted harshly, opening the back door of her car and stepping aside so Scott could put him in.
“Thank you,” He sighed, and the three of them quickly got into the car and shared no words while Y/N heard a woman next to her calling an ambulance for the other kids that laid inert on the ground.
Y/N went back to the car and turned on the engine once more. She didn’t look back until she left the busy street, and even then a few minutes went by before she realized she had no idea where she was going.
“D-do you want me to drop you all off at your place?” She asked Scott, her voice now a lot shakier than before.
“No, take us to Liam’s”
“Alright,” She replied, still shaking, “Can someone tell me where’s that?”
Scott proceeded to give her directions until the house came into view, she parked right outside the house and watched as Liam and Malia got out of the back.
Liam glanced at her with fear, and she wanted to let him know that it was okay, that she didn’t judge him or that she wasn’t afraid. But it was a blatant lie. She was scared shitless and she had no words for what was going on. Y/N was in for big, big trouble.
“You can go home now,” Scott told her once his friends were away, waiting for him at the doorstep.
“You don’t need a ride home?” She inquired, trying to sound as calm as possible, “I mean, a bunch of people just saw you walking out next to... him, you could be in danger”
“Believe me, I’m used to it by now,” He gave her a sad smile.
“I insist”
“Why?” Scott eyed her up and down, a frown now appearing on his face, “you saw what happened there, right? How come you’re not screaming and running for your life”
“Because, like you said, I saw what happened. And they didn’t have the fault. Liam isn’t dangerous”
Scott nodded, She saw his train of thoughts going for a few seconds before he spoke up again.
“Fine, give us five minutes and you can drop us at my place”
“Okay,” Y/N sighed, finally letting go of the steering wheel, not even conscious that she was holding to it like her life depended on it. “I’ll be here”
“And Y/N?” He added once he was out, bending a little so he could see her through the window, “thank you for helping”
“Scott?” She didn’t want to ask the next question, but she had to, if she wanted to save Nolan, she had to know everything, “the reason why Nolan and those guys were beating Liam up that other day... was it because they knew what he was?”
He hesitated for a moment but after sharing one look, he couldn’t lie.
“We think so,” And with that he walked towards Liam and Malia, leaving Y/N with a pit in her chest.
If she didn’t stop him before things went too far, Nolan was going to make some huge mistakes.
_______________________________________
Taglist: @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone @im-planning-something-look
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victorfrankendork · 4 years
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guess who’s sad and gay on this fine night? ME.
who knows if i’ll ever finish this fic or if it’ll just stay self indulgent snapshots of an idea to satisfy my need for M O R E, but i’m crying over this bit in medias res rn, and i’d like you all to cry too if you so want. pls join me under the cut:
(((context if u desire: au where eddie also got caught in the deadlights like bev the first time they faced IT––and so did stan, but this is a reddie fic i’m trash ilu stan and bev i’m sorry––and three out of seven losers have been plagued with horrifically vivid nightmares for decades involving the deaths of people who are seemingly strangers. twenty-seven years have passed since that summer, twenty-two since he left derry, and eddie starts having v different weird af dreams where he’s just sitting around talking to this asshole he doesn’t even remember knowing until it all comes back. only they’re not dreams, he’s really talking to this asshole, and IT is back, but remembering the past and falling in love all over again is just as scary as a murderous alien clown.)))
“No, we’ve kissed before.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Do you remember that last night, at the end of summer after we graduated, right before we both left?” Richie asks, and there’s something that sounds almost excited in his voice, in a tentative sort of way. The kind of thing that tells him whatever he’s remembered is something big, or at least it was something big to him. He knows that feeling, knows what it’s like to have a memory suddenly knock the wind out of him, coming back in such vivid detail it almost feels too real, just like these dreams. Hearing that in his voice, even if it hasn’t come back to him yet, makes him excited, too, eager to have that memory back, to know whatever it is he’s feeling. Part of it is a little terrifying, though, to not know what he had done, to have such large chunks of his own life just gone, only hitting him again when prompted by a word, or a sight, or a touch. And maybe it’s even more terrifying considering what it is they’re talking about now.
He didn’t remember that night, but he doesn’t say it, certain, even with no concrete evidence for it, that he’ll remember as soon as he needs to, and not a moment before. All he does is shrug slightly, frown creasing his forehead, and if his heart is beating a little faster against his ribs wanting to have that memory back, he doesn’t think too hard about it.
Richie goes on, clearly trying his best to conjure up the memory for him, as well, speaking as if it’s only just fully coming back to him as he says it all out loud again.
“It was just us, or at least it was at the end of the day. I think maybe someone else was there before… I can’t remember… a friend? Shit, I don’t know… But I know that we were alone after a while, and things kind of shifted, I guess. It was hard not to be sad, I mean, of course it was; it was the end of summer, and the end of our childhood. I think you said that, I sure as shit didn’t. Of course you would say it, the end of our fucking childhood. Sounded like a character straight out of a shitty coming-of-age movie,” he laughs, shaking his head, a fond smile crossing his lips as he looks back at him.
It feels like Richie’s looking at something Eddie can’t see, though, his younger self, a self he can’t even remember being. But maybe what matters is that Richie is remembering. “The thing is, that it was the end. We were both leaving the next day, and we were going to be on opposite sides of the country. We were all going to be on our own for the first time. We weren’t going to be together anymore…”
As Richie describes it, something in his voice changes, and Eddie can remember it clearer and clearer. There’s the creeping sensation of dread just beneath the surface, and he can’t tell if it’s from knowing that it had happened at all, that it had ended, or a phantom sensation leftover from being eighteen, the memory itself gifting that to him.
They had gone swimming, late that afternoon when the sun was high and the air was thick, had tired themselves out in the water then laid out on the rocks to dry off, lazily drifting in and out of sleep, talking absently about what they thought college was going to be like, reminiscing about days that felt long gone on the horizon of adulthood. And then they’d walked through the Barrens. The Barrens. Shit, how had he forgotten about the Barrens? Where the best moments of their childhoods had taken place, memories only just recently coming back into focus. They’d wandered absently, until they had come upon that old clubhouse of theirs. And soon enough, it was dark, and the two of them were alone, and something about the air had felt just as heavy as it had in the middle of the afternoon, even as the sun set and the coolness of a late summer night settled in.
Richie was in the hammock, and he had jokingly gotten in, too, only it wasn’t a joke. There wasn’t anyone around to watch, to laugh at their bickering, or the way their suddenly too long limbs didn’t fit so well together in the hammock anymore, impossible not to tangle legs together, skin pressed to skin, touching, touching, touching.
He was suddenly very aware of how quiet it was in the clubhouse, only the nearby sound of crickets chirping, the rustling of leaves, twigs snapping every so often. Impossible not to focus on how it felt like his throat was closing up when Richie rested a hand on his leg, but not in a way that made him need to pull out his inhaler. It had been so quiet, for once, neither of them wanting to break the fragile peace, something anticipatory about it, and he had felt a lot like his heart was going to burst from the silence. He hadn’t been able to stop himself from saying, I’m going to miss this, I’m going to miss you.
And they had both known, without needing anything else, that he meant something different then as opposed to when he had said it to the others as one by one they drifted apart. Eddie had realized something oddly comforting, in that moment, as he said it.
There are different kinds of longing, different kinds of missing someone.
For once in his damn life, Richie had been silent for longer than a few seconds, just looking back at him with a slight frown creasing his forehead. Weighing the risk, weighing the reward, Eddie realizes now looking back on it. It was awkward, the way he had pushed himself up to sitting in the hammock, knocking knees, the whole thing swaying dangerously, and Eddie had thought, for a terrible second, that he was just going to get up and leave, and it would all be over like that. After all, he had crossed an invisible line they’d been dancing around for years, one he hadn’t even realized might exist until that moment, certainly not one that he fully understood even then, and that was the end of that. The disappointment that washed over him felt deep, and unfamiliar, something different than just saying the wrong thing in front of a friend, a joke not landing quite right. It would be nearly funny, looking back, just how clueless he let himself be, all because of a fear of something even greater than what might happen if he let himself feel what he felt. It would be funny, if it wasn’t so damn sad.
The thing is, though, that he remembers how it went, and it wasn’t the way he had been expecting. Because Richie didn’t get up to leave. No, he had scooted forward, so that he was sitting between his legs, the sudden weight concentrated in the middle of the hammock making Eddie slide towards him, forcing him to sit up straighter, too, so that he didn’t end up fully in his lap. Before he could do much else, though, Richie had leaned forward and pressed a quick, nervous kiss to his lips. It wasn’t much, but it had been everything to him in that moment.
A kiss. His first kiss. And with a boy. With Richie.
And the world didn’t come crashing down around him as soon as their lips touched. They were fine. He was fine. Better than fine, even; happy.
(He hasn’t been happy since then, he realizes now. He wasn’t happy again until all of this started happening, until he was allowed to remember.)
It had taken another long moment of silence once he pulled back before either of them spoke, but it said more than anything else that neither of them had bolted as soon as it happened. Richie didn’t look any less terrified, and he had still felt like his heart was going to explode in his fucking chest, but all in a good way, because how could something that felt so nice be bad? He didn’t know what it meant, could hardly even comprehend that it had happened at all, but he was glad it did. And there had been something there in the pit of his stomach that begged for it to happen again.
Does that mean you’re going to miss me, too?
It had come out less teasing than Eddie planned, voice barely more than a whisper, like even the smallest thing could have disturbed the secret moment they had created. A little too genuine, like he couldn’t quite believe Richie meant it, that he might take it back if he had the chance, that he was just teasing with that, too, like he always liked to tease him. But Richie wasn’t like that, still isn’t, from what he can tell, and he had let out a fond breath of laughter, the frown finally smoothing out, relief flooding his face. He seemed more confident suddenly, when he had reached out and put a hand on Eddie’s cheek.
Of course, I’m going to miss my Eddie Spaghetti. Nearly as much as I’ll miss your mom.
For once, it had drawn an unwilling laugh from his lips, the noise a little strangled, much more focused on the first half of it to really give a fuck about the joke.
The second kiss, Eddie was the one who closed the gap between them.
When he looks back at Richie, he’s got that familiar look of fear on his face, the same sort of fear he had had all those years ago, of being truly known, of what will happen if he’s honest, like maybe this time the response isn’t going to be good, maybe twenty-two years is enough to change things completely. And Eddie gets it. He understands the fear better than most people, having lived with it so deeply ingrained in a different way, that he hadn’t even let himself consider that something like this might be true until he’d been literally forced to, both then, and now. The thing is, though, that it doesn’t matter what changed, what they lost against their wills, they have it now, in this strange dreamscape. And there’s even less reason to be afraid here, almost like they’re back in the clubhouse in the dark, with only each other, and their secrets, free to be honest.
He lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding, looking back at Richie with a newfound perspective. This isn’t the first time they’ve been here.
(He wonders, though, if it will be the last.)
“I missed you, like I said I would. Even if I got turned around for a few years in the middle there,” he says, quietly, the teasing gone from his voice now.
“You did?” he asks, sounding genuinely surprised by the information, and suddenly Eddie can see what he saw, all the fear, and eagerness, and desire of the Richie of twenty-something years ago, memories colliding with the present, changing everything, and somehow keeping it utterly the same.
“Yeah,” he nods, a soft smile slipping over his lips. He reaches out and puts a hand on his cheek, thumb brushing over stubble, the sensation bringing back another round of memories. And then he gives him a rough pat on the cheek as he goes on. “Wish you hadn’t brought up my fucking mother after kissing me, though, asshole.”
The noise that comes out of Richie’s mouth is kind of a laugh, shocked and a little too loud, definitely not attractive, but somehow it just solidifies everything he’s just remembered. It solidifies everything he’s been thinking since falling asleep one night, weeks ago, and waking up next to this too loud, too tall idiot in his fucking dreams.
He’s fucked.
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orionwhispers · 5 years
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Dating Alfie Solomons would include... 🐻
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(a/n just a lil summin summin until i have time for a full imagine, just how i picture the loml Alf xxx ask is always open. Love u)
- he’s a huge hopeless romantic, big believer in soulmates and love at first sight but was under the impression that cupid would skip over him for everything he’s done.
- but then, in a bustling bar in Camden, your eyes met from across the room - like something in a fairytale. 
- (in reality it was a hot and sticky night in a pub filled with dangerous gangsters and dirty money, shattered glasses and drunken women but he’s convinced it was much more beautiful than that)
- his breath got hitched in his throat and he almost choked on his rum and it felt like he had been sucker punched, he knew nothing about you only that he had to have you. 
- you were visiting friends in town for a week and had only heard of the ‘wandering jew’ through rumours and whispers, you hadn’t wanted to get involved in any bad business so thought a night on the town with the girls would be perfect - little did you know whose attention you would grab. 
- he was internally freaking out which is so rare for him that he thought he might be having a heart attack
- sent you over a drink 
- your friends literally went silent when they realised who sent it and you were taken aback that the gorgeous stranger was a feared gangster
- smiled graciously at him and he almost fainted
- then he managed to collect himself and came over to introduce himself
- by the end of the week he had you hook, line and sinker and was already calling you ‘my girl’
- the kind of love that happens so suddenly and hits you like a truck
- like you could be married for 30 years and it would still feel like the honeymoon phase
- he literally praises the ground you walk on
- respects your opinion more than anyone’s 
- personal space??? don’t know her.
- big spoon af
- the kind of bear hugs that engulf your whole body
- literally picks you up and spins you around
- hands hands hands 
- always touching you
- starts off slow
- fingers grazing yours, then an arm next to you, then an arm wrapped around your shoulder, then he gets bored and puts it on your thigh, then he’s too far gone and pulls you onto his lap
- even in a business meeting 
- he dares someone to say something
- i totally see him as the kind of guy who gets your name tatted on his chest over his heart 
- also has a ring with your initial engraved on it 
- it’s his favourite ring that he never takes off, also its on the perfect position on his fingers so that when he makes a fist, its in the prime place to connect with a face - he thinks of it as his secret little weapon and loves the indent it makes on people. 
- he’s secure in your relationship and knows how much you love one another, but if someone looks at you the wrong way or says something even a little but out of line - they’re losing a fucking eye 
- this leads to arguments because “Alf! You can’t scalpel anyone who talks to me!” 
- he’s stubborn as fuck and lectures you about keeping you safe and the dangers of people around you and yada yada so obviously you take the high road and ignore him
- he hates!! being ignored by you
- tries everything to get you to talk but you stay quiet 
- eventually apologies by getting you a puppy
- this leads to another argument about how puppies can’t solve everything 
- but eventually you give in because he and your new puppy are so adorable and you can’t stay mad at him even though now you have like 6 dogs
- at work he’s a big scary gangster man but around you he just crumbles 
- you literally make him weak at the knees... this man giggles, giggles! around you
- you have him wrapped around your little finger 
- he physically cannot say no to you (so people always try to use you to sweeten him up... it works) 
- you hate him spending money on you but if you even say you like something in passing or make an offhand comment the next day it’s laid out on your bed for you
- he loves to show you off
- he used to hate fancy events with pompous pricks but now he adores them because he loves that the most gorgeous girl in the world is hanging off his arm
- literally can’t control himself around you and halfway through the party he pulls you into the bathroom to fuck you against the wall
- buys you abundances of dresses and shawls and necklaces and shoes just because he feels like it 
- but mainly so you can give him a fashion show and he can take them off
- you are both protective as fuck of each other
- obviously he’s more physically threatening  terrifying, like the man is bloody massive so he uses that to his advantage, so that and his job basically means he can make anyone cower in fear with just a look 
- has his men watching you 24/7 
- when you go out with friends you always spot one of his workers tailing you
- sometimes if you’re out he’ll be hidden in the shadows
- “Alfie! You can’t follow me here!” 
- “What? I’m not following you - bloody cheek, I’m just ‘aving a drink, love. Nothing to do with you.” 
- “Alf.. this is Susie’s baby shower. They aren’t even serving drinks??” 
- he can also be gentle and soft though 
- like if he comes home and you’re crying in an armchair... boy... at first he’ll freak and unholster his gun and demand a name and get ready to fuck someones shit up but you calm him down and ask him to stay with you and he’ll turn into soft mode
- pull you onto his lap and stroke your hair and wipe your tears, he’ll listen to you intently and offer advice and make you laugh... then he’ll run you a bath and make a cup of tea and wash your hair 
- but when you’re relaxing he’ll slip downstairs and ring Olly and tell him to find information on someone so he can go and ‘have a little chat’  
- you get protective when he thinks he’s invincible 
- arguing about his recklessness and the people he gets involved with
- one time you yelled at Tommy for being a bad influence 
- Alfie died with laughter at seeing you so mad but his heart swelled at how much you cared
- other times its the simpler things 
- like when he comes home battered and bruised and covered in blood
- and you’re too exhausted and emotional to even cry, and you know he needs comfort more than you even though he’s to proud to admit it
- so you’ll clean him and bandage him up, disinfect his wounds and stitch him back together again
- you’re the only person he completely calms and relaxes around, and you distract him from the bad thoughts and make him feel something other than the sadness and pain 
- Olly has also ran through the streets at midnight multiple times and banged on your door to get you to come to the bakery, Alf’ll be fuming and covered in crimson because he’s been shot or someone fucked him over and the only thing that’ll make him somewhat rational is seeing you 
- age!! gap!!
- you’re a lot younger and that fuels most of his protectiveness 
- he also knows exactly how to get under your skin and wind you up when he doesn’t want you involved because he thinks it’s too dangerous 
- “Sweetie, the adults are talking.” 
- literally throwing your shoe at his head 
- he secretly loves being older because he has more experience and gets to show you and do things for the first time
- again he’s super secure with your love but that doesn’t mean he isn’t possessive
- will literally mumble ‘mine’ into your hair and skin
- worships your body!! if you ever feel insecure or a little down about how you look he can change that in one second 
- wet kisses all over that make you giggle and squirm
- but also can be rough and dominating and dark
- ass or boob man? how about anything he can get his hands on
- literally doesn’t matter - if its attached to you it’s getting kisses 
- has a thing for lingerie 
- he’s so used to calloused hands and blood and guns that seeing you in pink lace and white ribbons winds him the same as a bullet in his gut
- but his personal favourite is when you wear one of his shirts 
- slow and soft in the morning but also bending you over his desk at lunch
- sucking on his thumb when it gets too rough 
- actually convinced you might be an angel sometimes he just stares at you because he’s dumfounded that you’re with him 
- pet names
- angel, doll, baby girl, little one, kitten 
- one time he called you princess in front of Tommy and bitch was shook 
- bakes you bread and buys you flowers just because
- domestic af and sleeps in on Sundays and drinks cups of tea from tiny mugs
- this man is brilliant with families and makes your mum love him the first time they meet
- late at night as you trace his tattoos he opens up about the war and tells you stories from his childhood 
- teaches you about his religion 
- ride or die type of love
- “you’re mine”
-  “i’m yours”
- inside jokes and so much gossip like whenever he has a meeting with the Shelby’s he comes home and rants to you about those dumb bitches 
- keeps a photo of you in his wallet, “for good luck”
- weekends spent driving down to the coast with the dogs
- a match made in heaven, both constantly wondering how you got so lucky 
in conclusion i love (1) man 
597 notes · View notes
kinktae · 4 years
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holy crap!! I just noticed y/n’s family in bitchin is like stranger things !!!! I love that sm omg love it so far btw ♡
YESSSS thank u for noticing!! I have a lot of fun with writing bitchin i do hehe
(warning: literal 80 asks under the cut)
Anonymous said: not @ me reading bitchin’ during math literally SLAMMING YHE DESK
crystalsnowd said: I LOVED BITCHINNNN OMG UR SO TALENTED I CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT PART
Anonymous said: I was going to stay up to wait for Bitchin but I went to sleep instead because today is my first day of school (second year of university) so I decided to get sleep while I still could. Also I read the update on the train sitting next to a random lady and I really hope she didn’t look over at my phone lol. I loved the update and I can’t wait for the rest of the series!!!
Anonymous said: OMG BITCHIN WAS SO GOOD! You're such an amazing writer!!!
jun-sohyunnie-dotnet said: Just an fyi, bitchin' jk is my FAVORITE jk I've ever had the pleasure of reading. Ever. He could stomp all over me and I'd thank him profusely. (And you're writing is absolutely captivating 🥺💕💕)
sugarkinky said: Bitchin just wrecked me for real, U ARE AWESOME ROSE mierda que te amo chica ¿cómo consigues escribir así? Eres perfecta ❤
Anonymous said: Bruh bitchin was everything I wanted and more thank u baby
Anonymous said: Bitchin’ is amazing! I have so many feelings ahhhh!!! I love you and your work 🥺
awkwardaegyo said: YOU HAVE GOT ME SO THIRSTY FOR JUNGKOOK FUCKIN PARCHED D-HYDRATED IF YOU WILL BITCHIN HAS GOT ME FUCKEC UP!!!!!
Anonymous said: Bitchin' is literally my favourite fic right now, it's so good! 😍 Can't wait for the next part!!
gardenofrosesx said: Im in love with bitchin 🥺💗 I think that the song that represent it so well is Wait a minute by Willow Smith, every time a hear it I imagine this fic💗 I send you thousands of good vibes and love and peace to your side! Keep going 💗
Anonymous said: Ahhhh I just wanted to say bitchin is absolutely amazing and is so well written and I’m just completely hooked!!! YOU DID AMAZING!!! Also is there gonna be angst in future chapters BECAUSE IM REALLY NOT READY IF BOTH JUNGKOOK AND OC DENY THEIR FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER
Anonymous said: girl, I finally got around to reading bitchin' and I CAN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T READ IT SOONER. it's been a while since I've found a chaptered fic that kept my interests but I was hooked with pt 1!!! I love your spin on tatbilb, and I love the characters you created. I have to honestly say, I'm also absolutely in love with the way you write. your descriptions and dialogue hit me in all the right places. I can't wait to see where this story takes me. thank you for doing what you do!
Anonymous said: Love Bitchin so far!
Anonymous said: i keep rereading bitchin pt. 5😭😭 love it so much
Anonymous said: hi!! I just wanted to leave an ask and let you know that you’re one of my absolute favorite authors and your work is incredible!! the concept behind your rewind series is so unique and interesting and all of the stories have been wonderful so far. I’m so looking forward to the rest of bitchin’ because it has been so so so good and I love the way that you’re developing the characters and the plot. I hope you have a wonderful day!!
Anonymous said: just finished bitchin 5 and ................ i cant believe how ure able to write jungkook to Life and characterize him in such an attractive way it makes it so artistic and aknejdjdj it’s art it’s everything
Anonymous said: Argh the grind is real! I’m about to start my exams too so we can both be working our asses off! Also Bitchin is such a great series and I wanted to let you know you’re an amazing writer!!! The series made me so emotionally invested in the characters and I can’t get enough of it!! ITS SO GOOODDD THANK YOU FOR WRITING SUCH A MASTERPIECE
sanniinnas said: Hiii! Love your writings soo much! You have such a talent with words! You inspire me as a writer and make me want to learn writing and English better.
Anonymous said: I am seriously laughing from the asks that have been send to you and i cannot wait to read the ff because now i am busy :( also random fact, my biology teacher told us aboit Rosa Franklin and i already knew about her, and all i could keep thinking was bitchin pt5 and i started laughing. They thought i was a maniac 😎🤙
Anonymous said: just wanted to say bitchin’ is *chefs kiss* and i can’t wait for part 7 🥺 i’m not trynna rush you i’m just excited 🥺
nochusbutt said: okay but FIRST OF ALL, YES BITCHIN’ YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. secondly, my name is Rose too I’m so, what? omg yes I literally share a name with a legend. quote me!! 🥰☺️🤪
Anonymous said: Ahhh I am so excited for Bitchin Pt 6!!! No exaggeration this is my all time favorite fic, I think ab it a lot honestly. Whenever I see 80s aesthetic BTS edits I think of Bitchin and lots of love songs make me think of this fic too. I’m not a huge fan of smut but this fic is just so good. The OCs and Jks interactions are precious and I’m obsessed with the 80s theme! I am a huge fan of angst so I am ready to cry my eyes out. Thank you for writing this amazing fic
Anonymous said: aight...time to go re-read bitchin again ....[insert /ah shit, here we go again/ video]
Anonymous said: I CANT WAIT FOR BITCHIN
hear-me-growl said: Wait! Bitchin' is not done?! It's one of my favourite fics ever! I love the whole cliche college vibe, the dialogues are sooo good and the chemistry between Jk and the girl it's just perfect, really. And now you tell me it's not finished.😱 I AM SO EXCITED! you've made my day! Keep up the good work, you are amazing 😍
Anonymous said: AAAAAAAA THE BITCHIN UPDATE WAS SO GOOD !!!!! but also Kiri that bItCh y/n don’t fall for it 🤡😩
Anonymous said: i want sleep but BITCHIN
Anonymous said: IM PUMPED FOR BITCHINYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Anonymous said: Thankyou for updating bitchin sis!!!! But im so sad because this is their first fight(?) i hope they can talk about it and hoping kiri doesnt talk nonsense tp y/n ok :( but I AM GLAD JUNGKOOK REALIZE HE LIKES OC OKEY OKEY! 💜💜💜 sending 💜💜💜💜 to you because you deserve it👏🏼
diortae said: rose I have class in a few minutes and all I can think about is how much I want bitchin jk to raw me what have u DONE
Anonymous said: BITCHIN WAS GREATTTT 🥰 RLLY CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTT 🥺🥺
sunnyoongles said: bitchin is literally so good*chefs kiss* i love angst*chefs kiss* i love drama*chefs kiss* i just love the whole rewind series*chefs kiss*
Anonymous said: BITCHIN’ PART 6 EXCUSE ME STOP TRYING TO HURT MY FEELINGS IM NOT READY FOR THE ANGST
ppampin said: so yesterday i read bitchin pt. 6 three times in a row because it was just so good and now i can't wait to pt. 7 to come out
Anonymous said: Finally got to read bitchin 6, WTF IS GOING ON!? I’m so confused!! Do I trust my so called boyfriend or do I trust “girl code” by my boo’s ex who tried to scare me away from my boo the first time we met ??!!?
Anonymous said: i really need to know something about bitchin 🤔 is kiri a bitch or we don't have feminine rivalry here? help me out rose
Anonymous said: It is almost 1 am in here and I have a morning class but guess who is gonna binge re read all the Bitchin because the last chapter was so good?? 🤔
Anonymous said: I’m so ready for you to break our hearts in bitchin. I live for the angst 😭😭😪
Anonymous said: Rose you are KILLING ME with this story like I'm not even caught up on my favorite TV shows this week but goddammit I still made time for Bitchin' 💕💕💕
cheeky-kookie said: Girl I am sooooo fucking happy with Bitchin' 6. Like I love the small progressions Jungkook is having coming to terms with his actual feelings with Y/N. Also btw, loving the whole Yara/Tae moments going on ;) As always, I'm in love. Thank you for blessing us with this masterpiece
Anonymous said: Rosie !! I just read Bitchin’ and BIIIIITCH you have my feelings on a rollercoaster !!!!!! I’ve never been so invested in a fanfic like this and imma tell you how much I appreciate you for putting your work out on the internet. Especially for free like wtf ! Your writings are some quaLITY shit that I would purchase without hesitation 👌🏽👏🏽 I was wondering if you ever considered going into the writing career ? Anyways have a lovely day 💛💛 -MC
Anonymous said: This ch 6 getting all the attention away from my precious zombie Jungkook 😤 But who am I to say I love Bitchin😂😍 This Kiri better not be playing dirty games we are already not in good terms with her 🧐 And why is nobody talking about the fact that Y/N finally got her event she dreamed of?? Congrats girlll 🎊🎉🥳👌👏
Anonymous said: EXCUSE ME DID I READ THAT U SAID BITCHIN WILL BE ANGSTY FROM HERE ON OUT WBAT MY HEART I CANG FJSHSHDJS
sapphireprinces5 said: I am 1000% not ready for angst between the precious y/n and Jungkook in Bitchin’ omfg i’m honestly terrified and going to buy some tissues from the cvs across the street
Anonymous said: I JUST FINISHED READING BITCHIN 6 AND JUNGKOOK PLS TELL ME THAT JUNGKOOK IS OVER KIRI )))): he couldn’t have been lying about the way he felt for y/n even though it was reheated, right??? I’m SADD. But Rose, you are so beyond talented!!! I love reading your works!!!
Anonymous said: Ok, Rose you gotta let me know if Bitchin’ will have a happy ending, because I don’t know if my emotions can handle an upseti spaghetti ending. Anywho I love you and your writing, everything is chefs kiss. 💗
Anonymous said: bitchin will have 10 parts?????? ma'am u got the power
Anonymous said: OKAY SO BITCHIN’ IS AMAZING AND LIKE— I LOVE (1) DUMB “”””COUPLE”””” Your writing is amazing omg
Anonymous said: Me: already read bitchin completely You: reblogs pt.6 Me: a little refresher wouldn’t hurt 👀
Anonymous said: I wish u the best during your hiatus!!! Take lots of care bby :3 Just wanted to tell you how much I love the 'Bitchin' series, I'm shooketa at how well written it is. Y/N is a really refreshing character, especially as an STEM major myself, it's so relatable to some extent, especially when it comes to appreciating compliments about your inteligence, that really got me, since it's kinda unsual. I hope I found a Jungkook one day then :') jk, but really, I absolutely loved it, you're the best!!!
Anonymous said: hi just so u r aware if u make the end of bitchin’ sad i will cry. that will be on u. my tears will be UR fault.
Anonymous said: i just wanted to say thank you. when bitchin’ came out, there was a part where y/n talks about why she hated her twin sisters. it was comforting to know that i wasn’t alone in feeling uncool or boring. i never brought up my brother because i thought people would see how uncool i was and so i put my effort into school instead. thanks for bringing me comfort and for pushing me to love myself more and to change my viewpoints on the parts of myself i view as boring!!!!! 💛💛💛💛💛💛🌼
this made me :’))) i love knowing that you can find comfort in my characters!!! there is a little piece of me in all my characters but I do try to make them all somewhat different so that other people can relate. best of luck lovely!!
purplealiensblog said: Yo ily and cant wait for the next chapter of bitchin but i have to share: i got a notif on a new chapter and was all excited and then i discover its tumblr being glitchy again and notifying me on the last one :( i hope you will find time soon to write the rest and thank you for writing i love your work🥰♥️
Anonymous said: BITCH I JUST FINISHED READING BITCHIN IN JUST ONE DAY AND NOW I’M CRYING BECAUSE THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE FIC OF ALL TIME!!!.!.!.! (also sorry my bad englisheu i’m not native lmao)
Anonymous said: HELLO LOVELY AAAAAAAA IM HAPPY YOURE BACK 😩 are u reallyback tho? Hehe im so shookt with the new chapter of bitchin’ has me yearning for more😭 im def a proud bitchinator😔👏 tHANK YOU FOR THIS GIFT BEFORE CHRISTMAS😃 WE LOVE U!!!!💜 we MISSED YOU!! 💜 i hope u are loved and happy and cared for! 💜K
Anonymous said: Hi there !!I hope your doing well ! Taking your time to recover and work on yourself I literally just finshed bitchin to the last update and oof I just gotta tell you what the f How do you write the characters so well... I love me some good characterization like oof ICANNOT JJK IS SO I WANNA SMOOSH HIM IN MY ARMS LIKE PLEASE THE STORY IS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING HAHA I HOPE IM NOT SCARING YOU WITHMY CAPSLOCK I just wish to sincerely get my excitement across hahaha I love you boo take care x
nonecesitodenadie said: I rarely send asks but... I'm reading bitchin and I'M LOVING IT, really it's amazing i hope that you can continue it, i send you much love and thanks for your work you're so talented 🥺❤️
Anonymous said: can i just say bitchin' is honest to god such a good good good fic like i'm so in l*ve with it 😩 i've probably reread it thrice waiting for a new update ): i also happen to love your other works so much as well!!
sydney--chan said: Okay so no cap yesterday I was talking to my friend (who also reads your work) about me and my bf n she was like "he loves you the way Bitchin' jk loves Y/N aND I SOBBED ROSE IT MADE ME CRY FOR HOURS
usagionthem00n said: Lol I know you’ve been kinda quiet on here BUT IM HERE TO PLATONICALLY HARASS U???(tbh idk I’m just trying to find a reason to bother you) I-I miss u 👉👈 HOPE THIS POST MADE U SMILE ILL BE BACK BITCH (Um speaking of bitches I still need to join the bitchinators :/) I PROMISE ILL GET TO IT!!!
Anonymous said: HIIII! so, one night I spent about two hours trying to find another great Jungkook story... I was losing hope in finding one BUT THEN I FOUND “BITCHIN” and omg it’s amazing, I absolutely love it!!!!! take care always, have a great day!! thank you for creating such a beautiful story.
Anonymous said: Can I just say.... bitchin is so good! like it’s been so long since I’ve liked a fic as much as bitchin??!!? Everything about it has me like :)))) so yes just wanted to let u know hehe
Anonymous said: IM ACTUALLY OBSESSED W THE “BITCHIN” SERIES YOU DONT EVEN KNOW 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
SO MANY OF U LOVIN ON BITCHIN!! MAYHAPS IM OVERWHELMED (in the best way possible). Thank u everyone who sent an ask in, i am the happiest bean in bed rn reading all these asks C:
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stokan · 5 years
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Top 20 Things of 2018
1.) Beychella How do you make a long awaited surprise album between two of the biggest names in music that is also one of the year’s best feel like complete afterthought? Set the bar as high as Beyonce’s Coachella appearance.
First awards show performances, then music videos, now music festival gigs: is there anything that Beyonce CAN’T turn into high art?
2.) Explained by Vox The most exciting development in the world of television in 2018 was radically breaking the rules on episodes length. We saw 30 minute dramas, and hour long comedies. We got shows like Maniac where episodes were as long as 49 minutes and as short as 27 minutes. Now television creators can tell exactly the stories they want to tell in however much time they want to tell them in. And perhaps nowhere were these loosened restrictions taken better advantage than Explained, Vox’s documentary series for Netflix. Many topics cant sustain a full length documentary, but, say, 14 minutes explaining cryptocurrency to me? Sure! 17 minutes on designer DNA? Sounds great! 20 minutes on the origins of K-Pop? How do you say “yes please” in Korean? Every episode has a different narrator, a different look, a different feel, and varies wildly in subject matter. Yet they are all exactly the length they need to be. The only thing left I really need explained to me is why no one thought to make this series before.
3.) Serial Season 3 If Explained was a great example of the latest evolution in television, then the new season of Serial is at the front line of the evolution of our newest artistic medium: podcasts. Serial’s third season was nothing like its second, which was in turn nothing like its first. It’s a series still figuring out what it CAN be, while now defining forever what it NEEDS to be. Serial this year explained a deeply important topic in a way that wouldn’t have been possible through any other medium. They always say if you’re a writer you have to ask yourself what form of writing your idea needs to be. Don’t write a play that’s really a TV show, or a movie that should be a book. And now we can add to that don’t make a TV series that’s really a podcast. As Homecoming proved this year, the two mediums are very different and better equipped to tell different stories. And after hearing Serial Season Three I can’t imagine there will ever be a better way to explore the current American criminal justice system. It was 2018’s version of Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle. It may not change national food safety standards, but it hopefully will do something perhaps even more important: it will make us never again take lightly the election of local judges and sheriffs. It was a podcast for the heart, the head, and the time capsule.
4.) Black Mirror - “Hang the DJ” I know this technically came out December 29th 2017 but I’m counting it here because nothing was more 2018 than this. The sadness, the isolation, the uncertainty, the living in a world you don’t understand the rules of anymore, the unfairness of modern life, but the ultimate perseverance of hope and love: it’s all there in the best episode of Black Mirror’s third season. It made me cry out of sadness and happiness in equal measure. Could anything be more 2018 than that?
5.) Kesha at the Grammys Ok so maybe one thing was more 2018.
The Grammys, an organization led by Neil Portnow, a man who said this year that “women need to step up”, and an organization that didn’t offer its one female Album of the Year nominee a solo performance spot, also offered us 2018’s most powerful show of female solidarity and one of the most moving moments of the Me Too era. It all amounted to the perfect encapsulation of this year. Kesha scream crying and then collapsing into a sea of strong supportive women WAS 2018.
6.) Eighth Grade My favorite movie of the year was also the year’s best horror movie. It was so real, and visceral, and intense, and frightening that at times I literally had to remind myself to breathe. I watched at least half the movie through my fingers and on the edge of my seat. Proving what everyone who has lived through it already knows: there’s nothing in the world more terrifying than being in junior high.
7.) Big Mouth Speaking of junior high, the other side of the pain and trauma of growing up is humor, so why it took this long for someone to make a comedy series explicitly about puberty is beyond me. I guess, of course, making a show like this work is a fine needle to thread. It wouldn’t work without being animated and being on a streaming service that lets them go as far as they did. It wouldn’t work without writing that is both laugh out loud funny and deeply compassionate and human in equal measure. And it wouldn’t work without one of the best voice casts on TV, including a true tour de force from Maya Rudolph. But work does it ever. In a just world junior high health class homework would be simply watching this show.
8.) Emma Gonzalez speech Here’s how long 2018 was: this was from 2018.
Finishing off my personal 2018 Growing Up Trifecta is the most powerful 12 minutes of the year. That high school students could be more inspiring, articulate, and better leaders than the President of the United States is sadly, at this point, a given. But that they are now more effective and efficient than him at starting genuine political movements still feels revolutionary. The kids are our future, and our future has never looked brighter.
9.) Childish Gambino - “This is America” video 100 years from now if theres only one cultural artifact that still exists and is still remembered from 2018 this will be it. A “you know where you were the first time you saw it” level cultural event. No song will ever be more closely associated with its music video, and no music video will ever be more of an avatar for an entire cultural moment than this. THIS is, of course, a truly shocking and horrifying (in a good way) music video from the former fifth lead of the TV show Community. A profound and brilliant piece of art underscored by a fun-sounding dance song. The year’s most complex and important social-political message delivered in 4 minutes via YouTube. This is America indeed.
10.) Drake - “God’s Plan” video While Donald Glover may have perfected the music video as art form, it goes without saying that long ago Drake mastered the music video as promotional tool. And in that sense the music video for “God’s Plan” seems like minor failure. It seemed to sort of come and go from the culture, especially in light of the success of the In My Feelings Challenge. But for me, there was nothing more heartwarming and human this year than watching Drake give away almost a million dollars to strangers. It was an idea so simple it’s shocking no one had ever done it before. And so affecting I was shocked it didn’t seem to penetrate the public consciousness more. There’s so much going on at all times now it’s hard for anything to truly break through all the noise, but this really deserved to. It’s impossible to watch this without smiling, and is there anything 2018 needed more than that?
11.) Nanette The dumbest debate this year was whether or not Nanette was stand up. Form and genre aren’t delineators still worth discussing in 2018. It’s now only about the message and the messenger, everything else is just details. An important fresh voice, the most timely, and sadly, timeless message imaginable, delivered in a way that reached and deeply affected seemingly every person you knew? What is there to debate? Nanette may or may not be stand up comedy, but it’s definitely RISE UP comedy. And in the end, that’s all that matters.
12.) Amber Says What Please click on the link above. The final two minutes are by far the best comedy of 2018. It still makes me laugh so hard that it causes me physical pain. You’ve been warned.
13.) A Star is Born trailers A Star is Born is maybe a perfect film. The performances, the songs, the direction, the fact that there’s literally no human being on earth who could have played her part and made the movie work like it did other than Lady Gaga. It was all perfect. But there was actually something better than watching A Star is Born: anticipating watching a A Star is Born. Before the first A Star is Born trailer came out I thought the whole project sounded dumb and unnecessary. After I finished watching the first trailer I knew I was going to see A Star is Born opening night. True story: I was at a movie where the same A Star is Born trailer got played three times in a row for some reason. And it was riveting every time. There was no grumbling at all in the audience, and I for one was sad when it didn’t replay a fourth time. So as much as I loved A Star is Born what I would really love is be able to still want to see A Star is Born for the first time.
14.) Ariana Grande - “thank u, next” It’s genuinely impressive that a song released in November could be the song I listened to by far the most this year. Somehow it took less than two months for this song to feel completely ubiquitous. Hell, even the PHRASE “thank u, next” is omnipresent now. Forget Song of the Summer, this was maybe our first Song of the Winter. Which is perfect because has a hit pop song ever sounded more winter? It’s cold, but it keeps you warm. It’s the sadness of the holidays with the life reaffirming joy of the holiday season. It’s a sweater for you to wear on the dance floor. And it’s clearly exactly the song so many of us needed. No matter how many times I’ve heard it (and as I said, I’ve listened to it, uh, A LOT) its existence feels like a holiday miracle. Having a new and fresh take on the breakup song in the year 2018? That shit IS amazing.
15.) The proposal at the Emmys This is literally the only thing anyone remembers about this year’s Emmys. It was amazing, and special, and made anyone who watched it believe in true love. But for me it still cant touch the most heart-melting awards show moment of all time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCJrku4fSxk
(Was this whole entry just an excuse to link to one of my absolute favorite YouTube clips? Perhaps.)
16.) Succession When I saw the promos for Succession I literally made the sound UGH out loud. The last thing the world needs is another show about rich white people behaving badly, I thought. How could there possibly be anything original left to say on that topic? Who on earth is still greenlighting shows like this in The Year of our Lord 2018?
People much smarter than I am clearly, that’s who.
Because from writing, acting, production design, direction - whatever element you want to focus on - this was the best and most exciting new show of 2018 by a wide margin. People have been saying for years that TV is the new movies; this show made movies look like the old TV. It was the most vibrant and perfectly crafted big budget feature film of 2018, stretched out over 8 episodes on HBO. Did it have anything new and important to say about the world? Probably not. And turns out, I couldn’t have cared less. The phrase compulsively watchable might have been invented just to describe the world these actors and writers created. I would watch the team involved with this show dry paint. 
17.) Angels in America on Broadway Angels in America is the best play of the past 30 years and its not even close. So the fact that it would get a production that’s this good is just unfair for everyone else on this planet who makes theater. It was so good it made all other plays I’ve seen since seem small and cheap and unimportant. It was such a towering achievement that it has made the entire rest of theater as an art form seem insignificant by comparison. When you hear old people talk about seeing Brando in Streetcar or watching the original production of Death of Salesman I now can relate to what they are talking about. I’ll be thinking about Andrew Garfield’s final monologue for the rest of my life. It was unfair that we the audience had to all leave the theater when the lights finally came up and that we couldn’t all just live in that feeling forever. The eight hours I spent watching this play are what art is all about.
18.) Jesse Plemons in Game Night If dying is easy, and comedy is hard, then they should cancel the Oscars and give Jesse Plemmons Best Supporting Actor right now for his work in Game Night. And ok, maybe it wasn’t the BEST performance of 2018, but it was DEFINITELY the best performance relative to what it needed to be. It should have been a dumb throwaway part in a big-budget mainstream ensemble comedy. But Jesse Plemmons crafted a performance so strange and singular and memorable that it elevated the entire movie into something way better than I’m sure even its creators expected. I legitimately don’t know how everyone didn’t break in every one of his scenes. It’s a master class in the comedic power of silence. It should be studied in acting classes everywhere. And 20 years from now when Game Night is considered a comedy classic, Jesse Plemmons will be the main reason why. You heard it here first.
19.) The 1975 - A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships Saxophones? Electric guitar solos? Backing choirs? A concept album about being uncomfortable with the internet? Dumb pretentious song titles? This album couldn’t be any more in my wheelhouse if I made it myself. Its best song is basically a modern reimagining of “We Didn’t Start the Fire” for God’s sake!
For me this wasn’t just an album, it was an experience. It was big music to get lost inside of. And I did. At age 36 it’s nice to know that sometimes I can still feel 16. And it’s fitting that a band named The 1975 would be the ones to make music that’s so transporting.
20.) Emma Stone Ok so as someone who once argued in this very space that Emma Stone deserved an Oscar nomination for Easy A, it’s clear I’m pretty deep in the tank for Emma Stone. But even an Emma Stone hater would have to admit than this was a banner year for Emma Stone. Signing up for the insane acting challenge that was Maniac and completely acing it while totally exposing two-time Oscar nominee Jonah Hill in the process? Going toe to toe with Olivia Colman in the battle of the best acting performances of the year in The Favourite? Coming across as more charming than Jennifer freaking Lawrence ?!?
2018 was Emma Stone’s year, we were all just living in it.
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mystic-headcanons · 5 years
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aAaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAaa so this is hella different from everything i’ve written but i always felt better after reading those lil affirmation things that ppl sometimes do for the mysmes fandom nd i was like ‘yo imma yeet out some of these’ so here u go !! i rlly hope it helps u out if u need it <3
zen:
♪ you got this, beautiful!!
♪ whatever it is you’re going through, know that you’re incredibly strong for handling it, and i’m with you every step of the way
♪ and i’ll always be right here for you!
♪ so know that you’ll always have someone on your side, even if you don’t know it or notice it
♪ you were always there for me when i became doubtful, and you listened when i needed to vent to someone about my family
♪ so now it’s my turn to comfort you
♪ you are incredibly unique, darling. your smile shines brighter than all the stars in the sky and could make the sun jealous
♪ so please try to smile for me?
♪ you’re so kindhearted, and i still don’t know what i did to deserve to know someone like you, but i’m glad i do
♪ anyone would be lucky to have you in their life
♪ keep your chin up, jaigya 
♪ and when you need to talk to me, you know how to find me <3
jumin han:
🍷 funny how our minds play tricks on us, isn’t it?
🍷 sometimes i’ll look at one thing and see something entirely different
🍷 or sometimes i’ll think i hear a sound that isn’t there
🍷 and i want you to know that these sad thoughts you’re having are just another trick of your mind
🍷 you are brave. you are loyal. funny. trustworthy. kind. beautiful.
🍷 you are deserving of love.
🍷 you taught me how to open up to people, how to accept the love of others’
🍷 no amount of money in the world could be enough to repay you for that
🍷 so thank you for that. for staying by my side as i began to accept my feelings and yours
🍷 and please, let me do the same for you
🍷 let me stick by you and help you out through whatever you’re going through
🍷 you deserve happiness. you deserve to be loved with all of someone’s heart
🍷 and i’m always here for you, no matter what happens
🍷 i love you.
saeyoung choi // 707:
💻 meow! agent 707 is detecting sadness. meow!
💻 ...hah, that didn’t really work, did it?
💻 it’s hard to smile when you’re feeling sad, isn’t it?
💻 but i’m here to try my best and to not give up
💻 because even when i was so mean to you, you didn’t give up on me
💻 and i’m so thankful for that
💻 you are so unbelievably kind and talented, and even just talking to you makes me happier than i can admit
💻 you make me happier than i can admit
💻 and i can only hope i do the same for you
💻 because knowing you’re upset kills me, and i wish i could take it all away
💻 you deserve to be happy. to feel loved. to smile and mean it.
💻 you know where i am if you ever need me. and i’ll be right there, waiting for you.
💻 i love you more than anything else.
jaehee kang:
☕ hey there, sweetheart
☕ i heard you’re having a bit of a rough time, and i just wanted to tell you that i hope you’re taking care of yourself
☕ are you drinking water regularly? eating healthily?
☕ i know how hard it is to take care of yourself when you’re not feeling well, but i genuinely hope you’re trying
☕ it’s incredibly important to make sure you get the right amount of calories a day to stay healthy
☕ and to drink a lot of water!!
☕ i truly hope you know just how important you are. not just to me, but to everyone who has the privilege of knowing you
☕ you are so inspiring. hell, i wouldn’t have quit my job if it wasn’t for you. i was terrified and all too willing to do whatever mr. han needed me to
☕ but then you came along, and you helped me realize just how brave i can be
☕ i only hope you realize how brave you are, too
☕ and i hope you realize just how much everyone cherishes you
☕ you’re...amazing. you’re talented and charming and so loved by everyone who knows you
☕ including me. especially me.
☕ i love you more than words can explain
☕ i hope we talk again soon, my love
yoosung kim:
☆ you know, i remember the day i heard that rika died. it still feels like it was just yesterday.
☆ everything in me just...shut down. i wasn’t aware that i was screaming and sobbing and cursing every god i could think of
☆ and after all that subsided, all i felt was the pain. it consumed me and it made me numb after a while
☆ to the point where i was really only going through the motions of surviving
☆ but then you came along!! and you showed me how to actually live and laugh and be happy
☆ and i’m here for you now, too
☆ no matter what you’re going through, or what you’ve done in the past, you deserve love and kindness
☆ you deserve to feel okay. to feel happy. to laugh freely.
☆ i know how hard it is to smile when you feel sad, and it’s okay if you feel like you can’t smile just yet
☆ i’ll be here waiting for when you do. 
☆ i love you so much, mc. that’ll never change, no matter how much time passes. 
saeran choi // ray
🗡freesia for happiness. gladiolus for your strength. stock for your beauty. amaranth for my immortal love for you. borage for your courage. cherry blossom for your kindness. dahlia for your elegance. elderflower for your compassion. snowdrop for hope.
🗡those are the flowers i’d give you if i could.
🗡i know you’re sad, and i know how that feels because i constantly feel like a stranger in my own mind. 
🗡but i’m here to tell you that you’re not alone. you’ve got people who love you and who care about you more than anything
🗡people who will be there for you until the very end- including me.
🗡you’ve stuck around to deal with my mess of a mind, and it’s only fair to help you with yours
🗡so please let me help?
🗡i hate seeing you sad when you deserve to be happy and carefree
🗡you’re absolutely gorgeous, y’know. you have the biggest heart out of everyone i know.
🗡you’ve never given up on me, even when you should’ve, so i’m never gonna give up on you.
🗡you’ve got someone on your side, lovely, so don’t give up. ever.
🗡you have all of my love.
jihyun kim // v:
📷 you’re a work of art.
📷 your laughter and your smiles and the way your touch feels and how overwhelmingly beautiful you are are all proof that you’re art.
📷 perfect and sometimes underappreciated by some people.
📷 but know that there are others who appreciate you. who can’t imagine their life without you in it.
📷 when you met me, i was a shell of a person. my guilt had taken over my entire being and i didn’t know how to help myself.
📷 you showed me how to let it all go and i can’t thank you enough for that.
📷 and i only hope that i can do the same for you. that i can show you how to just...breathe and let go of all the negativity you may be feeling and let in the positivity.
📷 you’re absolutely breathtaking. the way you talk and act and your heart and the amount of love it holds never ceases to amaze me.
📷 i wish i could hold you and make everything disappear, but i can’t.
📷 all i can do is prove to you that i’ll be here, no matter what, for as long as you need me.
📷 i love you more than anything else, my dear.
it’s one am and i’m running on like three cups of coffee so im gonna go yeet into my bed
i hope this made you feel better if you needed it
i love you <3
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Roses Bloom (A/U) Part One
Warnings: Language, Angsty
Main Characters: Arthur Morgan, Rose Morgan
Synopsis: Arthur gets a letter from Mary, asking him to meet her just outside of Valentine. The letter reads she has to tell him something, and it’s of the utmost importance.
Notes: I only have access to mobile, excuse formatting grossness. Also, if you have anything you’d like to see in part two, please let me know! I’m working on it now, and ideas are always welcome!
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Arthur folded the letter, his hand running over the scruff on his chin. He hadn’t heard a word from Mary in, god he didn’t even know how long. Now she was here. Only an hours ride from where he was, and she had news? He debated just not going to see her, but he was weak when it came to Mary, despite how they ended.
He cleaned himself up a bit, trimming his beard, stopping for a bath in Valentine, and rode to the house she had spoken of. He couldn’t help the feeling in his chest, the thought of seeing her again, he didn’t know if he was terrified or excited. Probably terrified. He wasn’t even concerned with the news, he just wanted to get this over with.
The walk to the porch felt like an eternity. He should just go, just turn around and forget she ever reached out to him. But before he knew it, he was knocking on the door and asking for her.
When she stepped out, he felt the air leave his lungs. She’d gotten older, hell it had been nearly twenty years, but damnit all she’d gotten more beautiful. “Arthur, you came.”
“‘Course.” He said lowly, nodding his head to her. “Where’s uh, Mr. Linton?”
“He’s, gone. Died.”
“Oh, I am sorry to hear that.” He said honestly, noting the sadness in her eye. What could he say after that? How are things? That wouldn’t be appropriate.
“Me too, me too.” Mary said, looking away before turning back to him. “Happened awhile ago now, pneumonia.”
“Bad business.”
“Sure.” Mary agreed, pausing as she looked at him.
Arthur cleared his throat, holding his hat in his hands as he shook his head, thoughts entering his heart that he didn’t want there. “So you’ve been made a widow and now you’re comin’ to see me? Is that it?”
“No, no not at all Arthur it isn’t like that it’s-“ Her eyes met his again, and he swore his knees were going to give out on him. He hated that she made him feel this way, after all these years. Hell, they were only kids when they met and fell in love. And she broke his heart. First love rings true.
“What is it, Mary?” Arthur asked, his heart in his throat and the increasingly nervous look in Mary’s eyes. She moved over to the railing on the porch, her hands bracing there as she stared out across the way. She took in a shaking breath.
“Oh, Arthur. I should have written to you years ago, I should have told you. I’m sorry.”
Arthur immediately felt guarded. He placed his hat back on his head as he moved to stand beside her. “Sorry about what, Mary?” Her eyes found his, and he could see her lips moving slightly, as if she was trying to find the words to start, and that scared him more than seeing her had.
“I just want to say again, I am so sorry for never telling you, I know it was wrong, I made a mistake. And I-“
“Mary.” Arthur’s voice was impossibly low. His eyes bore into Mary’s, unwavering as she swallowed.
“You have a daughter.”
Arthur felt his world stop. His mouth hung open slightly, his eyes wide, and his heart pressing against his chest. He had a what? With Mary? A daughter? His mind flashed back to Eliza and Isaac, and he felt his throat tighten as he turned his back to Mary. This wasn’t possible. Right? It couldn’t be possible. It didn’t make any sense. When had he last been with her? It would have been almost eighteen years ago. His daughter was nearly grown.
Several emotions went through him, fear, sorrow, regret, and finally he rested on anger. He spun around, his eyes cold, his voice low, almost coming out a whisper, “Is this true? How do you know she ain’t what’s his name’s.”
Mary took a step back, surprised by his anger, “It’s true, and no, she couldn’t be Barry’s. I was pregnant with her when he and I got married. He’s the only one who knew my secret.”
Arthur braced his hands on the railing, gripping the wood so tightly he could feel small splinters entering his finger tips. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why are you tellin’ me now?”
“Several months ago she found the letter I wrote you after Barry died, she was furious. I never meant for her to find out that way, I always meant to tell her-“
“Like you always meant to tell me?” Arthur snapped his eyes to her, and tears began falling down her cheeks.
“I did Arthur, I did, but it had gone on for so long I knew you’d react this way.”
“Well how would you like me to react, Mary?”
“I don’t know Arthur, I just know I’m sorry, I wish-“
“Why are you tellin’ me, Mary? Why now?”
“Because she’s gone off to find you. She hasn’t been back since yesterday morning and I’m worried about her.”
Arthur wanted to say so much more, he wanted to just walk away, he wanted to ask her why she was his responsibility now, after seventeen years, but it wasn’t in him. Not if she really was his kid. Arthur sighed, and pushed himself off the railing, bringing his hand to the back of his neck before asking, “Do you know which way she was heading?”
“East, that’s all I know. She stole a horse and took off heading east.”
Arthur looked into the distance, his brow creasing with all the new information he’d been given. “What’s her name?”
“Rose. Her name is Rose Morgan Linton.”
Arthur felt his throat tighten even more. Rose Morgan. Hearing the name quieted his mind and heart, and before he knew it he was asking, “What’s she like?” He turned his eyes back to Mary.
A smile formed on her lips as she spoke, “Fiery. Fiercely independent. Adventurous. Smart. She has your hair color and your eyes. She’s amazing.”
Looking at Mary as she described his daughter, he knew he would never be able to forgive her for this. Ever. “I’ll find her.”
“Oh Arthur, thank you. I-“
“I ain’t doin’ this for you.” He said quickly, needing her to understand. “I’m doin’ this for her.” And with that, he turned from her and headed to his horse. He mounted up and took off, heading east, hoping she’d stick to the roads, otherwise it would be a lot of land to cover.
Would he even know her when he saw her? She was looking for him, but would she even accept him as her father? He shouldn’t tell her, right? He wasn’t a father, he’d never been a father. There had been Isaac, but he was hardly around for that. Every few months hadn’t been enough, and he’d missed seventeen years with Rose, and after he took her back to Mary, that would be it, because he never wanted to look Mary in the eye again. He just needed to make sure his daughter was safe. That’s all this had to be.
———————————
After about half a day of riding, he noticed in the distance someone walking alongside the road. He slowed down and moved over slightly out of courtesy, and as he got closer he noticed it was a young woman with dirty blonde hair. She turned, and he instantly knew this was Rose. She raised her hand, “Excuse me, mister! Can I get a ride?” Arthur slowed his horse, looking down at her. She tilted her hat up to see him clearer. “My horse was bit by a snake last night, he didn’t make it. I’m on foot from here to the next town, think you could help me out?”
Arthur was at a loss for words as he looked into her eyes, so much like his own. She was so beautiful. She got that from her mother of course. Not from him. He had no idea what to do now that he found her, what did he say? What did he want to say? What should he say? “Mister? You alright?”
“Yeah. Sure. I’m alright. Sorry, heat got to me for a second there. Sure, I’ll give you a ride. You headin’ east?” He extended his hand for her to take, so he could help her onto the back of his horse.
She took his hand as she exclaimed, “Yes! Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.” He lifted her up, and she situated herself behind him, wearing pants so it made it easy for her.
“It’s not trouble, sorry ‘bout your horse.”
“Thanks, he wasn’t mine, borrowed him, but I appreciate it nonetheless.”
“What’s got you headed east?”
“I’m lookin’ for someone, overheard he was east of Valentine.”
“That so? Who are ya lookin’ for?”
Rose paused, no doubt debating how much she wanted to tell a stranger. “Someone important to me.” Arthur felt his chest constrict. He should say something. He knew he should. But how? How could he possibly find the words? It was then he realized he would be doing what Mary had done to the both of them for years.
He gently pulled his horse to a stop, and before Rose could protest, he asked, “Are you Mary’s daughter?”
“How did you- did she send you for me? You’re a deputy aren’t you. I gotta get off this horse-“
“Now hang on a minute-“ But she had already slid off and was moving away quickly. “Wait!” He called after her as he got off as well and followed her.
“I’m not going back! She lied to me! For years she lied to me! I am not going back with you!”
“Lets just talk about this, Rose! Give me five minutes, please, we can keep walkin’ if that makes you feel better.” She spun around to face him, her arms crossing over her chest and there was a fire in her eyes that shone bright.
“You are wasting your time, there is nothing you could say or do that would make me go back to her. At least not until I find who I’m looking for.”
Arthur raised his hands. “I know. It’s alright, I ain’t gonna force you to go back, alright?”
“Why do you even care? You’re not apart of this, just let me go and tell her you couldn’t find me.”
“I care because I’m an old friend of your mothers, and she asked me to find you. She told me everything, and I understand why you ran, I do.”
“No you don’t, you couldn’t possibly understand what it feels like to be lied to your whole life, to spend your years wondering why the man who you thought was your father, was always hesitant to love you, you couldn’t possibly understand.”
“But I do.” Arthur spoke low, his voice sincere, his eyes never leaving his daughter’s.
“How? How could you possibly understand?”
“Because my name is Arthur Morgan.”
He watched as her face turned from anger to shock. Her eyes grew wide as she stared at him, and his heart hammered against his chest. She didn’t take her eyes off of him, her arms dropped from her chest slowly. She took a hesitant step forward, and then another, and then she stopped. “You’re...”
Arthur nodded. “Please, believe me that I had no idea-“
“No, I know. I found the letter she wrote but never sent.” Rose’s eyes watered as she looked at him. “I never felt like I belonged. And I didn’t know why. The way he would look at me growing up, sometimes it was like he didn’t even want me, and I never knew why.”
Arthur didn’t know what to say. He didn’t even know what to do. “I’m sorry.” His words escaped before he’d even thought about them, but he meant them.
“Me too.” She said softly, and before Arthur could react, she’d closed the distance between them, and her arms went around his torso.
He stumbled back a step as she collided against him, and after another few moments, he wrapped his arms around her too, resting his cheek on the top of her hat. He felt his chest well with emotion, and his eyes with tears. He had to swallow them back as he pulled away to look down at her. “If I had known... I woulda tried to have been there.”
“But you’re here now.” His daughter spoke, wiping her eyes as she took a step back. “You’re here now and that’s what matters.”
She didn’t know the life he led, she didn’t understand she couldn’t stay with him. This was going to be the hardest thing he’d ever have to do. “Rose-“
“Don’t. Don’t use that tone, I know that tone. You’re just going to tell me I need to go back to her. And I’m going to keep telling you I won’t. I refuse. I can’t forgive her, I can’t.”
“I know, but-“
“There isn’t a but! She kept you from me, kept me from you, lied about it for years, if I hadn’t found that letter, we wouldn’t be standing here right now! Can you forgive her?”
“No.” Arthur spoke quicker than intended, shaking his head. “I can’t.”
“Then why don’t you understand?” Her voice had gone from strong, to shaking, and Arthur felt his heart tug in his chest.
“I do understand. I do. But Rose, my life, it’s dangerous. It’s traveling from one place to the next, it’s not the right kind of life for me to be around for you. I couldn’t promise I’d be there, I couldn’t promise anything, and I can’t put you through that.”
“Then let me come with you! I’ll stay with you!”
“Rose, it’s dangerous.” He repeated, “My life-“
“You’re an outlaw, I know. My grandfather always brought you up when he had too much to drink, which was often. You’re a thief, an outlaw, a killer, I already know, and I don’t care. Because in my mind, lying is worse. And you’re not lying to me.”
Arthur ran his hand over his mouth in frustration before continuing, “Listen to me, Rose. You don’t want this life-“
“You can’t fucking tell me what I do or don’t want!” She was shouting now, “You don’t know me, because my mother kept that from happening! You can’t tell me that. Because what I want is a father. A family. I want you. You can’t make me go back to her. If you tell me no, I’ll run, if you force me to go back by tying me to your horse, I’ll run away again, and I’ll keep trying to find you. I won’t stop until I do. Because damnit I want to know my father! And I want him to know me!”
Arthur watched as tears flooded her eyes, but the look on her face told him she was doing everything she could not to let them fall. She was a stubborn as he was, and it brought the corner of his lips up a bit. “Alright.” That word caused her eyes to light up. “But you have to tell your ma.” The excitement in her face all but dissolved. “You gotta tell her goodbye, Rose. Ya can’t just vanish, she’ll send all kindsa trouble after ya, tryin’ to bring you back. I’ll go with you, and then you can come with me.” He could tell she wanted to say no, but eventually she nodded, he helped her onto his horse, and they were off.
The talk with Mary hadn’t gone particularly well, but Rose was insistent, and with Arthur promising to do everything he could to keep her safe, Mary finally relented. She held onto Rose for the longest time, begging her to write her constantly, and to always find her when they had the chance. Arthur felt like he was in an odd dreamscape. He had a daughter, and he was bringing her into his world. Perhaps he was being selfish in agreeing, perhaps he was letting his own heart get in the way of what was logical, what was right. But all he knew, was he wanted to get to know his daughter, and if this was the way it was meant to happen, then so be it.
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DAIEW - Part 3
((Once again, I want to thank @thatrandomfangirl28 for being the beta-reader for this story!! Thank u so much! Ur amazing. QwQ))
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Unbelievable Explanations
“Huh…?“ Leo whispered as he turned after the voice.
There were two figures in front of him.
Two figures, that looked way too similar to his brothers.
But also kinda diffrent. They had a big amount of scars on them, unlike his brothers back home.
Suddenly he noticed that they were looking at him with the saddest of frowns.
Leo got startled, when ‘Mikey‘ leaped at him and crushed him by a bear hug.
“You‘re back…“ He whispered.
Leo got a bit confused and said “Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be..?“
Leo turned to look at ‘Raph‘ with a confused look. He only looked at him with a frown, but kept silent.
‘Mikey‘ pulled from the bear hug and looked at Leo with a more serious frown.
Leo got even more confused and asked “Who else would I be?“
“No, you’re not ‘our‘ Leo. You’re way too young, and have almost no scars.“ ‘Mikey‘ said with a serious tone.
“Who are you?“
“I am Leonardo!“ Leo desperately shouted, but made sure not to be too loud.
The two scarred brothers glanced at each other and then ‘Raph‘ asked
“Leo, what’s the last thing you remember?“
Leo hesitated, before he answered “Being with with you in my room, and practicing my portals. Then something from the portal pulling me in. And waking up in this dim version of New York.“
The brothers glanced at each other one more time and then looked at Leo.
“Come on. We’ll try to explain most of the things on the way.“ said ‘Raph‘.
Leo looked up at him with a serious look and said “Wait. As much as I’d like some explanations, I still have mostly no clue who you are. Yes, you look a lot like my brothers, but I don’t feel like taking any chances. So talk.“
The brothers share a hesitant look and then ‘Mikey‘ said “Well, we wanted to tell you most of this stuff on the way, but we don’t blame you. You shouldn’t trust strangers, even if they look similar. So, as a shorter explaination, we aren’t sure, but we think, that you somehow made a portal to the future. As cliche as it sounds, it’s most probably true. So, basically I‘m future Mikey and this is future Raph.“
Leo stared at Future Mikey with confusion and disbelief.
“Yeah, I expected you to react like that.“ Future Mikey said as he let out an awkward laugh.
“Okay. Okay, I think it kinda makes sense?“ Leo said awkwardly.
“Does that mean you trust us?“ Future Raph suddenly joined the conversation.
“Not as much as I’d like to, but enough to go with you, and listen to more explanations.“ Leo said with shrug.
Future Raph smiled.
“That’s enough for me.“
“I agree.“ Mikey said with his own smile.
And so, all of them went to their destination.
Suddenly Leo remembered, he didn‘t even know where was he going.
“Where are we going anyway?“
“To our hideout.“ answered Future Raph.
The hideout?
“Did you stop calling it the lair?“ Leo asked confused.
Both of the brothers tense up at the question, but then continue walking.
“No, the hideout is our new home.“ Future Mikey explained.
“Wait, what happened to the lair?“ Leo questioned further.
This time Future Raph answered.
“It got destroyed. Just like our lives that day.“
Leo looked at Future Raph with disbelief.
“H-How?“ he stuttered.
The brothers glanced at the floor and then Future Mikey said “Welp, guess it’s time to tell the whole story. Raph, do you want to start?“
“Nah, I’m good.“ Future Raph said with a slight smirk.
Future Mikey made a short sarcastic laugh and then said “Fine.“
“Leo, are you okay with this?“ He asked as he looked at Leo.
Leo glanced away for a second and then looked at Future Mikey with determination and said “I wouldn’t turn down some explanations now.“
Future Mikey looked at Leo with a smile, that faded a minute later.
“Okay.“ he said and paused for a second. Then he continued.
“It all started this fateful evening.“
-FLASHBACK-
It was a normal evening in the lair. The brothers were playing games together, while also trying not to wake up Splinter.
Leo was currently winning against Donnie, and Donnie was trying his best not to shout.
Mikey was chuckling, and Raph was trying to quiet them down.
It was fun.
Until…
They heard a loud bang.
_Splinter woke up from his slumber and thought that it was the boys. _
But they denied it and said that it came from the entrance.
They went to check it out and found out, that it was Baron Draxum.
They all jumped right into fighting, but they didn’t know…Draxum got stronger.
A lot stronger.
After a while of fighting, they were trapped…
Baron Draxum was about to land a powerful strike, and Raph was ready to protect his brothers.
But thankfully, their father came to the rescue.
He had blown Draxum away from his weakened sons.
“Ah, the rat.“ Draxum spat out annoyed.
“What? MY weak creations couldn’t protect themselves?“ he continued with a slight smirk..
Splinter glanced at his sons behind him, but he shouldn’t have done that.
All it needed was just the quick glance away, and Draxum was back on his move.
Splinter tried his best to block the shot, but got hurt anyway.
“Dad!!“ Mikey shouted in panic.
“Red, take your brothers, and run to safety!“ Splinter barely shouted between the strikes.
“But pops-!“ Raph tried to protest, but his father had cut him off.
“NOW!!!“ Splinter shouted at full volume.
Raph glanced at his little brothers and then back at his father with hesitation.
He closed his eyes and then said “Come on, guys. Pops‘ got this.“
“But Raph-!“ Mikey tried to argue,  but was cut off when his brother lifted him under his arm.
Raph took all of his brothers and ran.
He ran.
And ran.
Until his legs couldn’t run anymore.
He let go of his brothers and glanced behind him, if he wasn’t followed.
He turned back to his brothers, and looked at each of them.
Donnie was staring with a terrified look into nothingness.
Leo had a panicked look, but Raph could see the tears glistening in his eyes.
But what shocked Raph the most, was the look that had been Mikey giving him.
Mikey had tears in his eyes, but his face radiated so much rage from it.
“HOW COULD YOU DO SOMEHING LIKE THAT??!“ he suddenly shouted.
“HOW COULD YOU LEAVE HIM LIKE THAT?!“ he continued furiously.
“Mikey–“ Raph tried to reason with his baby brother, but was cut off when Mikey gave him a weak punch into his chest.
He broke up crying afterwards, and ended up having to maintain on Raph to hold him.
“Mikey, shhhh……“ Raph tried to calm Mikey down.
“Come on, it’s pops. He’s strong. He’ll surely beat that Draxum guy up.“ he pulled Mikey into a soft hug.
Meanwhile the two remaining brothers tried to confort each other, and ended up hugging and quietly sobbing into each’s shoulder.
After a while, they calmed down and began to have determination, that their father will pull it off and beat Baron Draxum’s butt.
But when they came back to the lair…
Draxum was gone, and the only thing, that reamined from the fight was the mess everywhere and the…unmoving…body…on the floor.
“NO!!“ Raph shouted as he ran to the body.
It was his father…bloodied…
“Nonononono….“ Raph started to mutter, while holding the body close to himself.
Leo pulled Mikey into a tight hug and both of them started crying.
Donnie stood the furthest away, but understood what happened, and started to quietly sob.
-FLASHBACK END-
“We had to find a new home…“ Future Mikey said gloomily.
Leo looked at Future Mikey with tears in his eyes.
Future Raph noticed it and gave Leo a pat on the back.
“But that isn’t the end of the story.“ Future Mikey said with a blank look.
“I’ll take it from here, Mikey…“ Future Raph said and gave his brother a sad smile.
Future Mikey just nodded in approval.
“Okay, so…..“
-FLASHBACK-
It was one and a half month after the death of their beloved father and they finally settled in their new home.
No one had said it out loud, but everyone secretly wished revenge.
Until one day at dinner, Leo asked the question, that started everything after.
“Don’t you even think about getting revenge on that bastard Draxum?“
Raph almost choked on his food.
And Donnie and Mikey stopped eating.
No one said a word a before Donnie answered.
“Actually? Yeah, I did. A few times.“
Raph and Mikey stared at their brothers in disbelief.
“Guys.“ Raph tried to reason with thm.
“Come on, Raph. Don’t tell me, that it didn’t cross your mind.“ Leo looked up from his food at Raph.
“Well…“ Raph said as he closed his eyes and let out a long sigh.
“…Yes, It did cross my mind, but always when it did, I told myself, that it__’s. Too. Dangerous.“
He gave Leo a stern lookand then continued.
“I am not going to risk losing any more family.“
There was a quiet silence for a few seconds, until a quiet voice joined the argument.
“…Raph is right, guys…It__’s too dangerous… “ Mikey said quietly.
Everyone looked at Mikey. Mikey didn__’t talk much these days.
“Leo, we are not going to continue this conversation.“ Raph said as he got up from the table and left the room.
The rest of them sat there for a while longer, until each of them started to leave.
After Leo left the room, Donnie started to get up too.
He started cleaning up his plate, which was considerably full. Good thing Raph wasn__’t here to see it.
“…Donnie?“ Mikey spoke up.
“Yeah?“ Donnie asked.
“Please, don__’t try to get revenge…“ Mikey broke into sobs at the end of the sentence.
Donnie walked to his brother and tried to soothe him.
“Shhhh….Mikey….I won__’t…And me and Raph will try to make Leo change his mind…“
He hugged Mikey in a soft hug.
They stayed like that for a while, until Donnie pulled out.
“Ok I gotta go. I__’ll be in my room, if you need me.“ He said at the doorway and left.
Mikey left to his room a while after.
Later that evening, everyone went to sleep, but Leo knew better.
There was only one genius, that didn’t go to sleep like everyone else.
Leo went up the hallway to the only door, that shined some light under them.
_Leo opened he door, and thankfully didn’t get blinded by the light. _
It was actually pretty dim.
Donnie must have heard it, because he spun around in his chair, and had a guilty look on his face.
The look dissapeared when he recognized, that it’s Leo in the doorway.
“Thought I was Raph?“ Leo teased.
“Shut up.“ Donnie muttered as he spun his chair back to the working table.
“Well, he would be mad, if he found out you haven’t been sleeping again.“ Leo felt a smirk coming on his face.
Donnie grumbled something, but then kept silent.
“…Did you really mean what you said during diner?“ Leo broke the silence.
Donnie tensed up a little at the question, but then calmed down again.
“…Yes.“ he simply answered.
Leo stared at the back of his brother for a few seconds before he said “Does that mean you would go with me, if I went for revenge tonight..?“
Donnie slowly spun the chair to face his brother.
The dim light was probably running out of energy, because it was suddenly a lot darker in the room. And because of that, Leo couldn’t see Donnie‘s expression.
Leo was already starting to think, that Donnie won’t answer, until Donnie did.
“…Yes…“
Leo was kinda suprised, that his brother said yes. He thought, that Donnie would chew him out for thinking like that.
“Really?“ Leo had to be sure.
“Yes, really.“ Donnie said as he got up from his chair.
“Just let me get ready first.“
They both got ready for the expected battle and headed for the exit.
Right before they went out the exit, Donnie glanced back and whispered “I’m sorry, Mikey.“
And so, they went to get revenge for their father.
If they walked all the way, they would’ve arrived by the morning. So they sticked to running.
They were in Draxum’s base by midnight.
They had to sneak very carefully to the main room, because of the base was full of security.
When they finally got to the room, where Draxum was supposed to be, they didn’t see anyone.
Donnie caught a glimpse of something behind them, so he shouted “Leo, watch out!“
They both barely jumped out of the way of an upcoming sneak attack.
“You’re all so predictable.“ Draxum said with a slight amusment.
“Although, I expected all of you.“ he continued.
Leo didn’t wait any longer and ran right at Draxum. Donnie joined a second afterwards.
But Draxum caught their weapons with his bare hands as they were flying towards his face.
The brothers were not expecting that.
“You know, if you would stop being reckless, maybe you would stop being so predictable.“ Draxum said smugly, during the fight.
Eventually he threw their weapons to the opposite corners of the large room.
But they couldn’t get past him.
He had them trapped.
Meanwhile at home, Raph woke up in the middle of the night and had a strange feeling, that something was wrong.
He got up and went to check on Leo, because most of trouble circled around him.
But Leo wasn’t in his room.
“Where could he be?“ Raph thought to himself.
Oh no…
Raph ran to check Donnie’s room.
Empty.
He ran to Donnie’s lab.
No one.
“Dammit!“ Raph tried not to shout, but that didn’t work.
Soon, Mikey came to the doorway of the lab and asked “R-Raph? What’s wrong?“
Raph took a deep breath to think through what to answer to his baby brother.
“They left, didn’t they.“ Mikey suddenly asked.
Raph looked at Mikey in disbelief. He didn’t expect his baby brother to take it so calmly.
“Yes.“ he answered.
Mikey looked to the ground and sighed.
“Come on, let’s go after them.“
Mikey looked up at Raph with determination and nodded.
Raph hadn’t seen Mikey so determined in a long time.
He missed it.
When Raph and Mikey got ready, they ran as fast as they could to Draxum’s base.
Raph didn’t expect to come to Draxum holding Leo in the air by the neck, while holding Donnie on the ground by his foot.
Raph roared as he jumped at Draxum with full force.
Draxum didn’t expect that, but still got to dodge the hit.
He dropped Leo and jumped off Donnie in the process of doing so.
“Look, who finally came.“ Draxum said with a smirk, even though Raph almost hit him.
“I guess it’s time for one of my new weapons.“ he said as he pulled out a weird blade.
“What may look like a simple blade is the sharpest blade, that ever existed.“ he continued.
Raph stood in front of his little brothers, while Mikey tried to help his brothers catch their breath.
_The true fight started, when Draxum swinged himself at the turtles. _
Raph blocked the shot with his tonfas, while Mikey tried to do a sneak attack from behind. Draxum blocked Mikey’s attack, but got hit by Raph in return.
Donnie and Leo finally got to their weapons and joined the fight.
The fight went really well for the brothers, until that one slash of Draxum’s blade…
As Mikey jumped and was about to land another hit, Draxum slashed in Mikey’s direction.
It cost Mikey his foot.
Mikey let out the most blood-curling scream, as he fell to the floor.
_“MIKEY!!!“ All three brothers screamed in union. _
Donnie was right by Mikey’s side, and was trying to bandage the leg to stop the blood brof flowing.
Raph charged himself at Draxum, but he only punched Raph away.
Draxum walked up to Donnie and Mikey.
_When Donnie noticed Draxum, he stood up in front of his younger brother and did anything to protect him. _
But it only took one wrong swing with his bo-staff.
And it cost Donnie his eye.
Donnie screamed in agony, as he clutched the right side of his face.
“DONNIE!!“ Raph screamed.
Raph ran at Draxum with a loud roar.
He manged to hit him a few times.
While Draxum was focusing on Raph, Leo ran to Donnie and Mikey’s side.
Mikey already passed out from blood loss and Donnie was still clutching the side of his face and panting heavily.
Leo wasn’t a doctor, but he knew how to bandage up a wound.
He carefully took Donnie’s hand of his face and gasped at the sight.
Right afterwards he hastily took off his mask and bandaged it as well as he could over Donnie’s eye.
Donnie was still in a state of shock, because he was looking to the ground, terrified.
“Stay with Mikey.“ Leo said, as he patted Donnie on the shoulder.
Donnie seemed to register the touch and nodded.
Leo ran to Raph‘s side and leaped himself at Draxum.
Draxum threw Leo off him and shoved Raph away.
Suddenly, a smirk came onto Draxum’s face as he ran to the wounded broters.
Donnie looked up at Draxum and positioned himself closer to Mikey.
He would protect Mikey even, if it cost him his life.
Donnie thought that, until Leo ran in front of him.
“You won’t hurt my brothers anymore. I won’t let you.“
Draxum raised his blade, but Leo didn’t feel the impact when it came down.
He heard a grunt, so he opended his eyes and saw….Raph in front of him.
“Raph!“ he shouted.
Raph fell onto him with the blade in his shell.
He looked back in the direction of Draxum, but he was…gone…
-FLASHBACK END-
Leo was looking at Future Raph horrified.
Future Mikey suddenly said “Hey, look! We’re here!“
Future Raph said “Oh, yeah. Leo, this is our hideout!“
Leo looked at Future Raph with confusion and shouted “Wait, wait! Are you serious?! You can’t just change the subject! Like, yes, your hideout looks…cool. But what happened next?! What happened to me?! Where’s Donnie?!“
The scarred brothers glanced at each other awkwardly and then Future Raph said “Okay, okay. We’ll tell the rest…“
“Should I tell this part, Raph?“ Future Mikey looked at his brother.
“If you don’t mind.“ Future Raph answered.
“Okay. So, this is from, what Raph and Donnie told me, because I was still out.“
-FLASHBACK-
The brothers got home, thankfully in one piece and Leo went to get Donnie a better bandage over his eye.
Donnie was in a better shape afterwards and could kinda help Leo treat their brothers.
A few days passed of their recovery and Raph and Mikey woke up.
Another week later, Donnie started to learn how to do a lot of things with just one eye.
Mikey needed crutches, because of his missing foot, so Donnie decited that he’ll make Mikey a robotic foot. Raph’s healing was hard, but he still managed to pull through.
Two weeks later, Leo decited, that he’ll go out for some food, because they were running low on it.
They found the bag of supplies and food in front of the door, but they haven’t seen Leo ever since….
Another week later, Donnie finally finished Mikey’s robotic foot. And their recovary was ending.
When they finally recovered, they always went outside in pairs and looked for Leo
But one day….Donnie wanted to go alone…and when he came back, he said, that he found Draxum. And that he told Donnie,…that he killed Leo. Donnie got into an argument with his brothers and said “But what if it’s true?! I don’t want to have false hopes.“
Then he left and never came back…
-FLASHBACK END-
“W-what?“ Leo stuttered
“Yeah…“ Future Raph sighed.
They sat on the couch and no one said anything for a long time, until Leo broke the silence.
“Hey, have you ever met with this weird hooded figure? Because I did, right before I met you guys.“
“No? Not in person at least. We saw them watching us sometimes, but then dissapearing.“ Future Raph answered.
“Their hoodie always felt similar, though.“ Future Mikey joined.
“Yeah. What colour was it..?“ Future Raph agreed.
“Oh, I know! It was something like a dim pur…ple…“ Leo got lost in thought in the end of the sentence.
Future Mikey looked at his brother in with widened eyes.
“You don’t think it could be…?“
“…Donnie?“ Leo finished the sentence.
To be continued…
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dangerliesbeforeyou · 5 years
Text
dan made me do it
(lol jk, but like i have Feelings(tm) about my sexuality and everything & figure this is the best time and place to do it...)
So I figured out I was bisexual a little over 5 years ago, after discovering it was a legitimate thing I could call myself whilst being on tumblr (2014 was a big time for lgbt discourse, especially in terms of the various terms and labels, most of which I hadn’t been familiar with...)... but tbh, I’d been trying to come to terms with who I was in terms of my sexuality for a long time
I grew up in a religious house (my parents were jehovah’s witnesses), but I never really remember anything vaguely homophobic being thrown around? And even if it did exist, I wouldn’t have been aware of it since I never had any question or doubt in my mind about the fact I was attracted to boys (I’d had a rly intense crush on this one boy for about 5 years through primary and secondary school... I still sometimes see his pics on facebook & u know what? I still would lol anyway...) my early days in school were mostly taken up by trying to get friends not be a total recluse (I’ve always had trouble making friends and connecting to people it’s no biggie it’ ss fineee........ ok carry on>>)
So going into secondary school I never felt that I was anything other than straight? But one thing I vividly remember was the way people in my year treated girls that were suspected to be gay... in short? they were seen as ‘dirty’... it was something perverted, and highly sexualised... (as in: being a lesbian meant masturbating a lot... (i mean: this says something about wider misogyny & demonising of female pleasure but like.. another time, another time) & also making out loads with other girls)...  like no one ever came up and said ‘being gay is wrong’, but whenever rumours spread about a girl being suspected as gay and they didn’t deny them, people would suddenly start whispering about them... & it’s super strange to me that this was the same culture that if two female friends were really close and got labelled as gay, but came out and were like ‘oh no we’re straight ha ha we just kiss at parties and touch each others boobs’ or whatever, people would be completely ok with it?
So I never really gave myself the opportunity to go into this... I was never comfortable enough to be super ‘close’ to any of my female friends (intimacy issues: we don’t have to to get into all THAT right now though lol ahahaha....ha...) & I knew I wasn’t so called ‘skanky’ like all the girls who were labelled as being actually gay...
& this was all happening as I found myself actually being interested in looking at girls... (like what can I say? boobs are friggin nice to look at lol...) But i always saw it as innocent intrigue, since I was only 11/12 at the time so hadn’t grown into my own at the time... and the fact I felt more comfortable being touched by or talking to or like literally doing anything with girls? it’s just cos boys are gross there’s no other reason behind it!!.... right?
I think a big thing is that a lot of girls are so open with each other... like they’ll compliment each other’s boobs or asses, or comment on how pretty they are or their makeup skills or whatever.. you’ll be hard pressed to find a girl that goes all ‘no homo’ on her friend except.... I feel like that was me lol? I remember getting compliments from other girls about my appearance (didn’t happen often though pffft) or anything really and feeling all mushy inside, and giving the compliments back felt like a big deal to me? idk I suppose all the warning signs were there that hidden under layers of introverted awkwardness was a lil bi demon just waiting to come out lol!
So yadyyada, 2014 happens and I finally realise I’m bi... I just remember reading something on here about bisexuality and being like ‘oh damn yeh... dat me??’... like it felt amazing to be able to finally accept that I actually like girls too?? & one of the first people I told was this guy I became friends with when I first went to college... & he told me he was also bi and I remember thinking ‘wow!!!!! so it’s actually real?! it’s not just something you see on tumblr from random strangers, it’s an actual thing people I know irl experience wowwowowow’... I also came out to another online friend who I was close to, and it felt really amazing... but I could never translate that into actually coming out in real life (not to mention life was kinda shit at this time and I had like 0 friends but hEY, that’s not for now kiddos lol)...
So yeh, I’ve never actually come out to anyone... not properly anyway... I’ve always been very open about my sexuality online, but in real life I’ve never really discussed it with ... anyone? & it’s not because I’m ashamed in anyway, and it’s not even as if I’m that scared I just... I’ve never felt the need to? But after seeing Dan’s video, plus it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently, this is something I really wanna do... see; I was so ready to live life just being ‘straight until I maybe get a girlfriend one day’, so ready to only tell people if they ask me but I just realised... isn’t that partly living a lie? who I’m with doesn’t change my sexuality, so why is it something I’m seemingly so scared of declaring to the world??
I vividly have this memory, before I realised I was bi, and I have no idea of why or when or any of the details, but me and my mum were watching something, and bisexuality was mentioned, and either my mum agreed with, or she said something along the lines of ‘bisexuals are more likely to cheat’, and that’s really stuck with me.... it’s something that’s always nagging in the back of my mind, and it... really fucking hurts lol... I know for a fact my mum will love my regardless of who I end up sleeping with or whatever, she may be pretty conservative in her mindset of things but she’s always willing to be open minded which I really love about her... but knowing this inbuilt stereotype of bisexuality is something she both acknowledges and somewhat agrees with is really... sad...
I’m 21 years old, I’ve been in one relationship in my life which only last a few months and involved no kissing and only occasional hand holding because I was too terrified to do any more (again: subject for aNOTHER day lol), and I know for a goddamn FACT that my sexuality would never make me more likely to be unfaithful to someone I claim to love...I really hate that this is associated with the label, but it’s something I know that I am...  why on earth would I change that or try to be something else when I know that /this/ is me!
I think one of the biggest things putting me off ‘coming out’ is having to explain yourself... like dan howell made a 45 minute long video discussing his own sexuality and experiences cos he knew people wouldn’t just accept it if he just tweeted ‘yo dawgs imma queer lol #swag’ one day, and it feels kinda annoying that queer people/lgbtq+ people feel like we can’t just...... be ourselves without having to justify or explain it?! (even me making this post is solidifying that factor lol... it’s a mess lol)... like I just wanna live my life being bi, is that so much to ask for lol?
I am so so SO grateful we have so much more bi, and lgbtq+ in general, representation in media these days.... it’s goddamn beautiful to see our stories, and the stories of our community being told and cherished by millions, and that’s really gotta be something to rejoice in this pride month!!!
(side note: dan also talks about gender identity & I have literally never related to anything more lol... like 90% of the time I don’t feel like what people classify as ‘womanly’ things... but also I am a woman? idk man lol just call me a formless blob or whatever it was he said lol as a baby no one really knew if I was a girl or boy since my mum mainly dressed me in yellow & I had like 2 strands of hairs on my head lol... damn I miss those days lol)
In conclusion (or tl;dr as I’ve seen the Cool people write on their long posts (yes I had to google what it meant shhhh)):
Hi, my name is Xanthe, my username is ‘dangerliesbeforeyou’ here on tumblr because I made it 7 years ago and I wanted to use a cool sounding harry potter quote so I could come across as sophisticated but also nerdy, I’m a 21 year old female (mostly?) and I am a proud Bisexual...
I’m also single and very ready to mingle if anyone is interested ;;;;;;;;;)
(that’s only half a joke lol... plz romance me I’m v lonely)
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pinkykitten · 6 years
Text
I can be Loved
Marvel
Stephen Strange x plus size & fire power! female reader
Warnings: some curse words, violence, reader being self conscious, death, also i did not re-read this cuz i made this too dang long!
Specifics: death, sadness, romance, comedy, Avengers: Infinity War, man vs man, fire power, pictures, videos, plus size reader, race neutral reader
People: Stephen Strange, you, Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, Wong, Peter Parker, Ebony Maw, Black Dwarf, Peter Quill, Drax, Mantis, Thanos, Gamora (mentioned), Thor (mentioned).
Words: 4,229
Requested: By anonymously Hi doll❤️ I love your writing please keep doing what you are doing! Do you write for chubby girls or plus size cause I live for that!!!! If so could I request a plus size reader, where she is with doctor strange and many think she is all scrawny and can’t stand up for herself but she proves them wrong by fighting like a bad ass like Thanos makes fun of her and tries to degrade her but she is just too cool and she fights along side Dr. Strange so fluff and angst cause she reacts to his death
Authors Note: hi there anon! thank u so much for ur kind words. i do write for plus size beautiful woman! i luved this request and it makes me kinda sad to not see a lot of fanfics for dr. strange cuz he is such a cool character and it is the benedict cumberbatch. i went a lil bit overboard with this its just i really lived for this request also i made the reader have fire power because i wanted her to be powerful hehehe. but there is a lot to read so im srry. i loved writing this i didnt reread this so there may be mistakes but my back, fingers, legs hurt so yeah. thnx for requesting and i hope u enjoy this. remember i luv to hear ur guys thoughts. 
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The world as you know it was going to change, one way or another it was going to either perish or fight.
You all looked outside. The wind was strong and the noises of people screaming was all you could hear. Your heart racing in fear you consciously grasped Stephen, your fiance’s hand. 
As Tony opened the door many citizens raced the opposite way of..something. Some falling, some terrified, like you. 
“Y/n, I should go see what it is. You stay here,” Dr. Strange ordered you, letting go of your hand. 
“No Steph, where you go I go. I can fight too you know.” With that you walked ahead of him following Tony. 
Stephen quickly grabbed Wong’s attention. “Whatever you do, you keep y/n alive. Alright?”
Wong saw the seriousness in his friends eyes and just nodded. 
As you turned the corner a ship that was a circle with a hole in the middle landed on New York City grounds. You gasped loudly at how large it was. This was no human tech, this was some alien crap. 
Stephen, Wong, and Bruce followed you and Tony. Suddenly, a blue beam appeared and out came a skinny alien guy that looked like Voldemort, and another alien guy except he was huge and kinda looked like a dung beetle. 
Your group walked to them, curious expressions. 
The skinny alien then started to say how they were Thanos children, and that you all were about to die from them and it was a privilege. 
You turned around all sassy to Bruce, “Is this guy serious?”
“I’m sorry Earth is closed today,” shouted Tony Stark to the alien men. “You better pack it up and get out of here.”
The skinny alien then focused his attention on Stephen, “Stone keeper. Does this chattering animal speak for you?”
“Certainly not, I speak for myself!” Stephen using his magic to maybe scare off the aliens and show that he was not playing. (god that part that he does that hand thing is kinda hot......anyways enjoy reading) “You’re trespassing on this city and on this planet.”
Wong after him brought out his magic. 
Just then the huge alien was walking towards your group, hitting his giant hammer on anything he sees. 
You tapped your foot impatiently, “hey guys are we gonna do anything? I really don’t think this guy likes us!” 
Well since he was big you all then looked at...Bruce...well you all wanted the Hulk. You all stared at him awaiting for the green monster to rage on out. Instead, Bruce was having trouble getting him out, “c’mon man, c’mon.”
He was still pushing, and pushing, and pushing some more. Everyone awaiting, and staring impatiently. 
“Ugh men!” You stated placing a hand on your plush, curvy hip. 
“Wheres your guy?” Tony Stark asked looking as if Bruce lied to him. 
“I don’t know we’re sorta been having a thing.”
“There’s no time for a thing. Thats the thing right there, lets go.”
The big alien man was coming closer and closer. Then he started running towards you all. You quickly turned your whole body into fire, your skin turning orange, and your hair turning into flames. Your eyes a bright sun orange (kinda like flame princess from at). “Step away boys.”
“I love it when she does that,” Stephen said as he stared all amazed at you. 
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(not my art! do not own!)
You stood in front of the massive alien, ready to shoot him with some fire balls.
(TONY’S COOL MOVE YASSSSSSSSSSSSSS srry) Tony decided to help as well. He turned his track suit into his Iron man suit. But in a cool way. 
He added some blasters to his suit and all of them came out to shoot at the alien. You and Tony shot at the same time making the alien fall back onto the skinny one but surprise surprise, his powers were telekinesis. 
He, with the power of his mind moved the other alien harshly to a car. 
Tony put his blasters away. 
“Holy crap that was frickin amazing!” A excited Bruce yelled, making you turn around and chuckle. “You turning into fire and you, Tony, where’d that come from?”
“Its nano tech, you like it?” Answered Tony, turning around to you all. 
“I got to say that was pretty awesome,” you smiled placing a hand on Tony’s shoulder. 
Tony placed a hand on his mouth and gasped, “ooohhh wizard man, how you feel about your fiance touching me and oh wait, yeah, calling me awesome?’
Stephen shook his head and his cloak smacked your hand off Tony’s shoulder, “she was only trying to be nice to you...she calls me better things in bed.”
“Wow,” Tony said. 
“Babe! Thats private,” you shouted, laughing at the end. 
“Wow, that was so unneeded, like to the point where you didn’t need to do that.” Tony shook his hands, shaking his head. 
Suddenly, the skinny alien man used his powers to throw a car at you all. The other worked on it while you and Tony threw it back to him. He used his powers to cut it in half. 
Tony then used his boosters to try to fly to him. You used your fire power to fly to him as well. As you tried to fly, Stephen brought you down. “Hey sweetheart, why don’t you stay here, I really don’t think you going over there is such a good idea.”
“Are you serious? Honey, I’m fine.”
Bruce came into the conversation, “yeah y/n, maybe Stephen is right. Maybe this is a little bit too much for you.”
“You know what, I know this isn’t a woman thing because you all let Natasha fight. This is a size thing. Are you all serious? You think I can’t fight cause I’m too big, too fat for the normal superhero.”
Wong then raised his hand and tried to tell you something, but you just ignored him. “Thats fine think what you want to think,” you almost cried, Stephen going to you and saying that thats not it, and of course it wouldn’t be it.
“Y/n, I think you’re the most beautiufl woman on this Earth, and trust me I know you are capable-”
“Save it. I don’t need any of you. I am going to fight, whether you like it or not, and I’m gonna show you all that bigger woman can do things in this world, especially be a superhero!”
Your fire became more intense and you flew next to Tony. The skinny alien was using his powers to throw some of the road on you two. The big alien threw a claw at Tony and this set Tony back. 
“Stark!” You shouted. “You are not eleven from Stranger Things, are you?” You raised your eyebrow to the skinny alien. “Thats okay, you look more like the demogorgon.” You blasted flames at both aliens. Dodging one of the punches of the big alien. 
The skinny alien threw the fire back onto you. You just chuckled, “You do realize I’m made of fire, right?”
The skinny alien smiled and heaved a huge piece of building onto you. 
“Y/n!” Yelled Wong and Stephen. They tried to get to you but they had to fight the skinny alien. 
“Ouch!” You quickly burned the piece of building into ashes and saw the skinny alien go to your fiance. “Steph!”
He put Stephen to the wall and placed bricks on him. You knew he wanted that stone. You also knew Stephen placed a spell on it. 
“-then I’ll take it off your corpse.” The alien took Stephen and threw him to you. 
“Oh my god babe, honey,” you took off your fire power to touch him, carressing his face. “Steph are you okay?”
His cloak brought him up and he nodded to you. He tried to use the time stone but the alien wrapped thorny vines around his arms. 
“Let him go!” You try to burn the vines away but its not use, they just keep reappearing. The vines go around his neck and knock him out unconscious. 
“Are you serious?” You try to take the vines off of him, they are strong and grab on real tight. “C’mon babe, stupid frickin things get off!”
The alien brings Stephen with him and you fall off the platform. The cloak then takes Stephen away from the vines. You, your fire power ignited, go after him, with the skinny alien following you two. 
“Steph I am right here. I got you.”
He then goes by Tony, and you notice Tony fighting with the big alien. You also notice your favorite...SPIDER MAN!!!!!!!!!!!
“Hi sweetheart!” You wave to Peter. 
“Hi Ms. L/n!”
“Kid thats the wizard and y/n, get on it,” ordered Tony to Peter. 
“On it!”
You flew backwards now, your attention on to the alien behind you. “Go away freak!” You started shooting fire at him, him dodging every time. Peter tried to get the alien but he through a piece of debris at Peter.
“Peter!” You shouted look at his state to make sure he was fine. 
“Not cool, yeah Ms. L/n, I’m fine!”
As Stephen was getting away from the alien, the alien used his powers to stop Stephen. By bending the street lights one of the lights caught Stephen by the cloak making Stephen fall out. You tried to catch him but you would of burned him. In that moment you felt defenseless, helpless, unworthy. You couldn’t even do a simple job as saving your future husband. They were all right about you. 
Peter came to the rescue and saved Stephen. With a sad face you thanked the young boy for doing something you couldn’t do. You just followed them slowly, until you were lifted in a beam. You tried to hold onto something but it was no use. You were going to die, how did you know this? What use were you, they didn’t need you, nor want you. You were garbage to them. You were garbage to everyone. You tried to shake the self conscious thoughts out of your mind, but you couldn’t. They were eating at you, telling you things that were not true. 
Peter tried to hold on with his spider web to Stephen but the skinny alien used his powers to bring Peter up. 
You entered the ship with Stephen and ran to hide behind a piece of the inner ship. Watching to see someone come by. 
“This is bad,” you thought. “Really bad.”
You meet up unexpectedly with Peter and Tony. You see in the distance the alien is pointing these needle like things to Stephen to get the time stone. The needle things go into his skin and you hear his screams. Tears coming out of your eyes you try to go to him but Tony stops you. 
“Don’t blow our cover y/n, we will save him.”
As you all try to think of a plan Peter says, “hey have you guys ever seen a really really old movie called Aliens?”
As the alien is threatening Stephen, you and Tony go behind him ready to blast him away. He turns around to the sound of Tony’s high pitched suit. 
The alien uses his power to bring out pieces of the ship to you and Tony. You smirk and say, “have fun in space.”
You and Tony blast a hole in the ship sending him and Stephen flying.
“Steph! Peter get him!”
Peter grabs Stephen with his web and then a new feature of his suit comes out. HE HAS SPIDER LEGS!
“HOLY SH*T THAT IS AMAZING!” You squeal in excitement. 
Peter jumps up and brings Stephen in. Tony closes the hole. 
You quickly run to Stephen and hug him, “oh my god, I thought I lost you. I’m so happy you’re alive.” You look into his eyes and he looks into yours. 
“Sweetheart about earlier, what I was trying to say is that-”
You stand up quickly, the emotions and self conscious feelings interrupting your mind again. “It doesn’t matter right now.” You turn around, shyly placing a hand on your arm and rubbing it. You then mutter as you’re walking away, “I don’t matter.”
Stephen tries to go to you to help you and to make you feel better but Tony places a hand on him to decide where to go. 
Stephen thinks Earth but Tony thinks wherever the ship is going. His thinking is he feels wherever this ship is going Thanos must be there, if all of you were to go then it would be an element of surprise. Stephen disagrees in the begging but you agree with Tony. 
“If Thanos is going to be there then maybe this isn’t such a bad idea. I mean I know, we have to protect the stone but I don’t think Thanos is awaiting this much of an impact or this much of a plan. I say we go for it.”
The ship lands harshly on a planet named Titan. 
A smoke bomb lands between you all and with impact you all go tumbling back. 
“What in the world!”
You look up to see some wannabes trying to fight you all. You fly to the one with the funny looking goggles. 
He shoots you with his gun while you blast a hole power of fire. 
“I call this roast some buns,” you blast harder your fire at him. He dodges it with his cheap looking jet pack thing. 
“What are we in The Krusty Krab?” The unknown person jokes along with you. 
You all fight with each other and form a circle of whos killing who. 
The person you were fighting takes his mask off and point the gun at Tony. “I’m gonna ask you this one time, where is Gamora?”
“Yeah, I’ll do you one better,” Tony took his mask off. “Who’s Gamora?”
And then the alien, buff man talked, “I’ll do you one better, why is Gamora?”
“I’ll do you all one better, why are we still talking about this Gamora?” You stopped your fire powers.
After going back and forth on where this Gamora was at the guy holding Peter mentioned Thanos. 
“Wait, what Thanos. Alright let me ask you this one time, what master do you serve?” You looked at Stephen as he questioned the new comers. 
“What master do I serve? What am I supposed to say Jesus?” The guy answered back, still holding Peter. 
After explaining that you were trying to defeat Thanos as well Peter took off his mask, “We’re the avengers man.”
Just then the alien bug looking girl said, “you’re the one Thor told us about.”
Tony asked, “you know Thor?”
The Missouri guy nodded, “Yeah, tall guy not that good lookin, needed saving.”
You eyes widened, “oh my god Thor’s alive. We may still have a chance...I say we all work together on this. We all want to take down the same purple raisin so we should combine all our powers to become one and destroy Thanos.”
“Thanks for the input lava girl, didn’t know we were all gonna turn into Voltron with all our lions.” The blonde hair man said as his eyes were on you. 
You walked up to him with a serious face, “my name is y/n, and I don’t think fragile skin can stand against hot fire.”
You walked to the exit while Tony, Peter, and Stephen giggled. “Gotta love her,” Stephen said as he followed you. 
You all came out of the ship and stood on the planet, trying to come up with a plan. You learned all the names of the new people.
Mantis in a low voice asked, “Does your friend do that?”
You all look back to see Stephen moving his head quickly back and forth. You go to him and place a hand on his cheek. He comes back to reality with a startle cry. 
“You okay?” You ask worried. 
Stephen was using the Time Stone to look into alternate futures. You ask about if you win the battle, but out of the millions of futures he foresaw, he sees that you are all victorious in none but one alone.
Your heart pounds and you squeeze your hand shut, tightly. All in your head was how you are going to die feeling worthless, feeling like you contributed nothing to this world. Tears start to form in your eyes and you walk to a nearby rock, covering yourself from the others. 
You wanted to show Stephen that you were not just the girl that got made fun of in high school because of her weight. You’re not someone you can make fun of and push around as if you don’t have feelings. You wanted to come out victorious and explain these terrible feelings you’ve been having lately to Stephen. 
Stephen see you crying behind a rock and walks over to you. He kneels down to you and takes your hands in his. 
“Sweetheart please talk to me, I’m here for you.”
You wipe your tears, “I know I can’t do many things in life, I can’t prevent many things. But I can try to fight. I know I’m fat and ugly and big but I want to try to prove my worth. To you and to them.” You pointed to the group. “I’m so useless, aren’t I?”
Stephen kissed your hands. “No. You are so much more than those degrading words. Back there I wasn’t trying to make fun of you honey, or bring you down in any way. I didn’t want you to get hurt, I didn’t want, I don’t want anything to happen to you. You are so important to me and to so many others, you just don’t see it. You prove to others and to other young girls, just women in general that even if you feel useless and nothing you can make something of yourself, you can save the world. You are beautiful in and out y/n, you are my superhero, my hero, you save me y/n. It will always be that way. I know you are so capable of so many great things and I encourage you to do everything in your power to be you, to be the amazing, powerful, strong you. This means so much to me,” Stephen said holding up your ring on your finger. “It means that soon you and I will be one, we will be husband and wife. We will not just show love but be love. You are my everything y/n, thank you for standing by me sweetheart.”
Your eyes were wide and you were shocked. “I love you so much Steph, thank you for saying those things. I really needed to hear that, you make me so happy Stephen Strange. I can’t wait to get married to you and when I call you mine. Thank you love.”
You sit on his lap, not caring about your weight. Stephen holds you upright with ease, resting his hands on your hips. You trace massage your fingers into his dark locks seeing his ice blue eyes look into yours. You place your hands on his cheeks, taking in his complexion of high cheekbones and milky white skin. You kiss him on the lips lightly, enjoying the presence of him. He deepens the kiss his right hand going to your cheek, making the kiss more passionate. In the middle of the kiss you hear a cough. You and Stephen turn your heads to see a startled Peter, and a annoyed Stark. 
“Sorry am I interrupting something, cause we’re in the middle of a war if you haven’t noticed. Anyways, you two, The Notebook, we have a plan.”
Thanos had come to the planet Titan and tried to explain his belief of genocide. It all seemed so crazy to you. You all almost got the gauntlet off but you all especially Peter Quill learned that Gamora was dead. Peter got so mad at Thanos that he punched him knocking him out of the sleep phase he was in with Mantis. 
It almost worked the plan, now it was to make it up as you guys went. 
You gave this war, this battle everything that you had. All your being your strength, everything. 
Everyone was focused and paying attention to other things in their way that you were left with Thanos. 
By yourself.
All the struggles in life, all the beat downs, the I’m not good enough have led you up to this moment. You were going to show this monster, this demon that you are good enough and you do deserve love and happiness.
“I, I’m not afraid of you,” you stood proudly in front of this giant. 
“No my dear child not of me, but of others.” Thanos said as he walked slowly to you, bringing out his hand to your cheek. You gave him a scowl, scoffing. 
“What do you mean?”
Thanos shook his head, “I know your deepest fear. Y/n, you are afraid of how others perceive you, how they think of you. You try your hardest to please others. You are the coward, you say you are not afraid but I know deep down you’re terrified.”
Your eyes were wide, “no, no, no, I’m not like that. Stop.”
“But of course you would be young one, you know how it feels to have your inner demons. To know your not good enough, not even good enough to be in this world.”
You started to shake your head, hands clutching the sides of it trying to not listen to those terrible words that have scarred you. Thanos smiling, knowing that he was getting to you. 
“Stop leave me alone you monster,” you cried out. 
Stephen came out and stood by you, “Y/n don’t listen to him. Remember what I told you. You are better than this.”
“Leave her be, let her make her own decisions. Y/n you are not happy with how you look, when you see yourself you see disgust. You are not afraid of me.”
You started shaking your head while tears were starting to come out, “no stop, stop!”
Stephen tried knocking sense in you, “Honey don’t listen to him, you are better than this. Remeber how much I care for you.”
Thanos kept going, “you are not afraid of death.”
“STOP! Just stop it!”
“No, you are afraid that no one will love you for who you are.”
At that being said it ignited something in you. All your power, the fire held inside you spilled out with a cry and shriek. 
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Thanos eyes widened and he used the power stone to be able to go through the fire you ignited. 
“You are wrong about me Thanos! I have love, I have someone who loves me! You don’t, you know why, because you KILLED HER!”
Thanos used the power stone again on you to try to destroy you, but you were too powerful and uncontrollable to stop. 
All the fire coming out of your body amazed everyone, you were so powerful. With another cry more fire came out making Thanos go behind some boulders to shield himself from the flames. Stephen stared at you with immense respect, amazed at how you fought. After a time your body was drained from all the power you used. Your eyes felt heavy and your body wanted to just lay down. The fire stopped and you were normal now, you fell from up in the air but you were caught in a pair of strong arms. 
“I got you sweetheart,” came the soothing voice of your dear love, Stephen. 
You smile weakly, “I know.”
Thanos came to you both threatening to kill you. Of course Stephen loved you so much that he gave up the infinity stone to save you. 
He risked the whole world to save you.
“Why would you do that?”
Stephen just hugged you tightly like his life depended on it while kissing your forehead, “we’re in the end game now.”
You all waited for a sign, for something to show..anything. You hugged Stephen the whole time, enjoying what you didn’t know was the last moments together. 
Suddenly, Mantis disappeared like the wind. Your eyes widened and then it went to worse. Like a list, others started to become ashes right before your eyes, and you could not prevent it from happening. Next came Drax, then Peter Quill. Tony then went and looked at Stephen. Automatically you started crying, “no, please, don’t tell me...no please no.”
Stephen looked so guilty and so pained at you and Tony, “There was no other way.”
Stephen grabbed your face and kept his forehead to your, “Time is so important yet so short. No words can describe how much I love you and will always love you even in death. I love you y/n, I love you.”
Stephen starts to disappear making you sob. Your heart is broken and all that is left is his ashes. You start to feel strange and notice in your hands you are also turning into ashes. Tears start to form in your eyes but you welcome this feeling because no feeling is worse than the feeling you just experienced of losing Stephen. 
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