#i'd be doing the same dusty is everything

[with-eyes-closed]

[shalotttower]

Fractalize (part 2)

Title: Fractalize Fandom: Hunter x Hunter Summary: "You do this sometimes," he continues, tugging a bit harder. "When I ask a question and it takes you longer to respond. When we watch a movie, and I'm sure you stopped following at least twenty minutes ago." Word count: 2100+ Characters: Chrollo x Reader (female) Notes: yandere Chrollo, kidnapped, depressed and miserable Reader, Reader is dissociating, morbid pondering, morbid imagery, psychological manipulation, intrusive thoughts, non-con touching, non-con kiss. I start thinking that sad is probably my favourite genre to write at this point. Part 1 Part 3 is in question. I have some drafts, but not sure if it'll become anything.

Fractalize - making things into smaller copies of themselves over and over again.

Your mother always smelled of fresh linen and something powdery, like her face cream which you tried once in secret. The fragrance held you mesmerized, and when the jar accidentally dropped from your hand, shattering into pieces, it lingered everywhere: on the bathroom tiles, in the cracks and narrow space under the sink. Her silent disappointment was so overpowering that you cleaned the mess three times.

That scent clung to her knitting needles too when she sat with yarn on her lap. It made way into your mind place, waiting for the most inappropriate of moments to resurface: she would show you how to knit, loop after loop, and eventually you were able to create your own tiny scarf.

Hideous, that's what it was.

But also the first thing you ever knitted, so you cherished it, not caring for the holes and loose threads. She called it pretty, mothers do lie like that.

"I was thinking," Chrollo begins. Clean plates are stacked next to a dish rack, ready to be dried. You help him sometimes with this mundane chore out of boredom or a faint allusion to the life you had.

"Mm."

When you stand so close, his shoulder occasionally touches yours, and a lump forms in your throat, a very unimportant physical aspect of your being that you've stopped paying attention to long ago. You swallow it away, like every single morning before putting on the same shirt for the eighth day in a row.

Dry and repeat.

"Is there anything specific you'd like to do today?"

You pick up another plate. How odd. A few months ago this question would've made you ecstatic. Not that there was a real chance to sway Chrollo's plans, but it was a gesture, the pretence that your input mattered, and you took everything from it, until it started tasting stale. A shy kind of feeling, misplaced and fragile, would bloom in your chest, and prompt you say something soft, silly and naive: 'maybe we can have a picnic?', 'I'd like a carrot cake', 'yes, I want to watch that period drama for the hundredth time.'

And he would agree sometimes. Or suggest his alternative instead, which turned out more often than not to be less favorable, but you accepted it because what else was there? In-between the walls decorated with expensive paintings, books you already read three times, between Chrollo who listened intently to every word and a faint buzz of some high-end place, you chose to take whatever you could.

It doesn't bother you anymore, going or not going. Doing nothing or doing something. Being with him in a room or being alone, even though the last one is more compelling. The initial excitement that came with having small choices has passed. You think sometimes that if you took a knitting needle and sunk it deep into your chest, the surface around it would start crumbling and bare a hollow cavity with just ribs and dusty spaces.

Chrollo's suggestions are very thought out. Aimed to convince you that this arrangement isn't that bad after all, but also aimed to bring him something from it, be it sitting uncomfortably close to you on a sofa or holding your hand the entire walk. His presence is stifling in more ways than one, and you've been choking, choking, choking on it for so long, that finally all those cracks running across your insides started to feel liberating.

"No," you say. "Not really. Anything you want is fine."

Chrollo's been asking this more often lately. What you want to eat and what you want to do. Even whether you want to go out sometimes (with him, of course, never alone). Perhaps he's trying to figure any new preference you might have. Or a part of him can sense this deterioration that's slow to set in, but once it does - it stays.

"Dear," there's a tone in his voice. It's not worry per se. Chrollo doesn't worry for you, he worries for that little world of his, made of forced interactions, silk bed sheets and fake domesticity, which you're a part of, an intricate cog he can keep closely tucked to his side. Sheltered, protected, cared for - these words don't fit. So you use other instead, like imprisoned, kept, thing. He likes to have them, from trinkets he steals to human beings - you. Maybe it comes from years of owning nothing at all, having nothing at all, and now the allure of having much and more is like second skin.

You've heard stories about children abandoned to their own devices. Those who were left to roam the streets, scavenge through trash and fight other kids for a half-eaten sandwich or a can of beans. You wonder if he was like that, with messy hair, bony limbs and a desperate need to own something that no one could take.

Bit by bit you slip.

That tone means he's sensing it already, that bit by bit you're trying to leave him behind.

Chrollo always catches up with things easily. From the way he grips your arms, you wonder if that's what he did just now, caught up.

"Yes?"

The dishes are all done, clean and sparkling. The sink shines too, almost mocking you with its perfectness - there's nothing to do anymore. Your mind space of fake wooden floors and wide windows is waiting to be occupied, but it would feel wrong to retreat there so soon. Chrollo will ask questions, and if you're not able to keep up, he'll notice too. He slides both palms down your skin, squeezing a tad harder at the elbows; and so you stare into the sink.

His hands aren't soft at all. They're a little dry from soap, callused around fingertips. How effortless it would be for him to break your bones, one by one, starting from the wrist, but that won't happen; no, all that comes from him is words whispered in your ear, caresses and cruelty wrapped in kindness - it sounds poetic when phrased this way.

Your reflection stares back from the stainless metal. She doesn't look bad. Chrollo takes good care of her, makes sure she eats balanced meals and drinks enough water. She looks alright, with shiny hair and healthy nails.

The eyes is what doesn't match this picture of okay-ness. Not empty. Not vacant. Just frozen in time and very, very still.

Chrollo presses closer until his chest is touching her shoulder blades. You wonder if he considers it a victory, this silent compliance. It's not acceptance really, because that should be accompanied by a sense of peace or fulfillment and none of the two are currently present. It's not even resignation - that requires energy to acknowledge defeat.

If neither of those, what is it then?

"You've been awfully quiet today."

A drop of water falls from the tap and slides down the drain.

"The whole week in fact," his thumb strokes her stomach through the fabric. Slow circles, up and down. Chrollo enjoys physical closeness so much that it should be surprising for someone like him - reserved, calm and collected - to thrive on such things, but you suppose when it comes to her there's an exception.

"Not that I mind it, but if something's bothering you, you know that I'm always ready to listen."

There is something bothering you actually. Many things. You want your cat back. You want him gone, away, to see your mother again and bake with her. Eat fresh pastries while listening to old songs on the radio and talk about silly things or whatever she liked to ponder over before you were swept off your feet like in those old fairy tales. You want your phone and accounts unlocked so you could message friends. You miss your grandmother with her apron, the way she laughed at corny jokes and told stories about her youth. You want many things that Chrollo would never agree on - you're well aware of that, that's why you keep them safely tucked away and rotting.

You also want him to stop pressing against your back, and this is far easier to achieve. Slowly you untuck yourself from between his body and the counter, then turn around. He watches your face calmly like always, with this unblinking gaze full of strange fixation; there are small lines in the corners of his eyes, barely noticeable ones. You count them - six in total, three for each eye.

Then you blink.

"I don't think there is anything."

"Really," Chrollo hums, playing with the hem of your shirt, and you wonder if he knows something you're not aware of him knowing. "You've spoken less than ten sentences in two days, yet there's nothing bothering you. I must say I don't believe that."

So this is how it's going to start. This is how the conversation begins, and it'll flow from here until Chrollo finds what he's searching for.

"I've been paying close attention."

You don't doubt it.

"And what did you notice?"

"Nothing pleasant," his finger finds a loose thread and wraps it around. The pull is light, as if testing whether it'll prompt you to move closer into his space. "Quite concerning things actually."

You don't budge an inch.

"You do this sometimes," he continues. "When I ask a question and it takes you longer to respond. When we watch a movie, and I'm sure you stopped following at least twenty minutes ago. Or when you go over the same page until it's clear that I'm looking."

Chrollo's collarbone is a crisp line with a faint old scar; your attention skims over it to the sharp edges of his jaw. No smile today.

"And I wondered where you have been going."

He tugs a bit harder and the thread snaps.

It should've stunned you how fast everything crumbled - the imaginary wooden floors, Miss Whiskerton on your lap and the lizard, the wide windows - but no, it's surprisingly anti-climactic. Nothing breaks dramatically, just splits the middle, leaving you with cold kitchen tiles underneath your bare feet. You thought about this scenario - Chrollo cornering you, many times, and the words you would choose when he did, yet they fail to manifest and nothing fills the silence except a mute sensation of acknowledgement which settles over your head and shoulders. Your knees don't buckle. Your breath doesn't hitch, there is no shivering, and perhaps that's the most terrifying reaction of all.

So what, you think. And it's such a simple thought, plain and ordinary, so what.

Chrollo has his ways, but you have yours; they are slow and small, and squeeze you very tight. You can't comprehend this new expression on his face, haven't seen it before.

"My dear," he says in a quiet voice, so unlike his usual smooth, charming tone. "Broken thoughts and forlorn dreams can't fix what you want them to."

He taps your forehead, as if to engrave those words into the soft tissue of your brain. They slip away though, like running water.

"Wherever you choose to wander, there's not a single spot where I'm not right behind. Delusions don't suit you and it's simply sad to watch."

The kiss comes without warning; Chrollo doesn't bother to say anything else, just cups your face. It's warm and deep, a full-mouthed kiss that tastes faintly of tea you two drank during breakfast.

It's rot, you realize with a ten minute delay; and this slack mouth he's caressing isn't yours. There's a plant behind his shoulder, some small cactus with white needles sitting on a windowsill. The sunlight creates patterns on the glass, soft yellow circles and lines. They shift every passing second.

He's going to do this now, isn't he. Kiss you when you slip too deep as a way to break the pattern and remind that this is where you're supposed to be - with him. In the kitchen wearing a thin shirt above the knee, with cracks that spread across your insides, seeking for every small space they can fill. You'll grow older by his side, he'll bring you material pleasures to compensate for the lack of mental ones - books, clothes, jewelry, a pet if you decide to ask (you won't). Chrollo is going to kiss you often until age creeps onto your faces, and you'll watch each other turn old together.

The plant on the windowsill looks so dry.

"Dear."

He pulls back a few inches. You meet his eyes.

"Mm?"

You will let the rot dig under your nails and wait for it to eat away until his hands eventually become empty; rot is something to grab onto. It's slow to set, but spreads fast once does and never runs out of supply.

[aphroditesmoon]

Hi! I’m not sure if u do smut or not but I was wondering if u could do a Legolas smut with fem!human!reader, like a enemies to lovers kind of thing. Maybe hate sex? <3

too close

legolas greenleaf x reader

summary: legolas has his doubts about who you really are, but is that really why he can never meet your eyes with anything else but anger in himself.

warning: afab reader, nswf, smut 18+, etl, legolas being a jerk, probably bad description of mirkwood

a/n: soo sorry i took ages, I've been taking new meds, also i havent written smut for a while so im a bit dusty, hope u like it<3

○○○○○○

Summer is barely a real season under the protective courts of Mirkwood, you could barely feel the heat or see the sun through giantic starfall tree and at night, the chill through the strong winds gives a hint of winter in its air.

You loved it. Training at night feels easier when your not already sweating through your tits ten minutes in warm ups. And the quiet around you, save the crickets and owls hooting, gave you the solace you seeked for each existing day you lived through.

But despite finding everything well with want you asked for, the universe seems relentless with making sure you'll always be keeping your guard up and your annoyance up higher, with the ever consistent appearance of Prince Legolas Greenleaf.

He stands by the corner near an entrance to the castle, watchful of you while thinking he's quiet. His lack of trust in you makes him believe that you somehow lack in the specialties of elf abilities, like for example, your keen hearing.

"I could hear you for a mile away, prince." You also caught onto his snort, before his footsteps sounds louder. "How did you lnow it was me then?" He asks, less snobby than usual.

He must be drunk, you tell yourself.

"You have that pompous, all knowing kind of stride, it has its own beat when you walk." You expected him to roll his eyes like he usually do, belittling you like a child being reprimanded. But suprisingly he laughs. "That sounds a lot like you're projecting, after all, only pompous, all knowing arseholes are the ones who isolate themselves and train alone."

Ah, there it is. He's sobered up then.

"And what humble, kind enough of an elf, would waste his time stalking other people just to throw insults like a 7 year old?" You snapped.

If he had found your irritants amusing before, now his smile fades altogether,  and he looks the same as when he's about to pull an arrow on an orc.

"The kind of an elf who's trying to protect his kingdom and father." You laughed honestly yet mockingly before dropping your sword altogether to look at him. "You think your doing the king a favor? His majesty has his own mind, he trusts me, so I'd suggest you drop your savior facade and trust him." He shook his head and looks away for a second, as if deep in thought. "My father doesn't trust anyone, let alone random rogue elves who comes out of nowhere."

You raised you brow at his bravery in speech. 'This random rogue elf is the reason your father is alive, if I had even a glimpse of malice in me, I wouldn't have done nothing but serve him well for the last 10 months." You say matter of factly.

And before he could argue again, you wave your hand at him annoyed, and turn your back at the prince. "I practise better when im alone, and now you've ruined my peace, if you don't have anything new or smart to say-"

"You are a witch." He speaks. You actually freezed for a moment, forehead frowned in confusion. "Excuse me?"He repeated his impossible words. 

"Im a witch...because i saved your father's lives?" You ask him, slowly. He looks more frustrated then ever, as if you're the one patronizing him.

"No, you are a witch, because you have bewitched him." You could laugh if you didn't want to punch him. "And how have I bewitched him?" You almost yell. "I don't fucking know!" He yells first.

"My father has never trusted anyone, except for me, yet i see he'd put his life in your hands if he has to. And you know that, you know what you are doing. How you win his praise and trust when you fight, and when you put yourself over him, over the other shooters, martyring yourself."

Your mouth was wide open, your brows furowing, but no words escape you as he continues, inching closer with every word, untik you're both a step away from eachother.

"And you know exactly what you do to me." He was hovering over you, with a glare so intense you've never seen from the mirkwood prince. "I've done nothi-" He cuts you off when you've just gained enough control to speak. "You've bewitched me."

His breath was steady even in such anger, fanning your face gently as he inhales and exhales.  "I don't trust you, and i shouldn't care too much of another fighter in our army, another stranger i shan't waste my time on. Yet one glimpse of you, and you're stuck in my head, like a memory i can't seem to forget."

he was silent after the last confession ends, and you have the stubborn urge to answer to him. "That sounds like a you problem, not mine." He gives a short bitter laugh, looking up to the sky for a second, as if praying to the stars for guidance. "What have you done to me, cruel enchantress."

The rage seemed to lessen in the glare he still holds at you, but something more hungry lays in his gaze. "I've done nothing. Im no witch." You answer, so over all of this cat and mouse game. "And if I was, I wouldn't waste my time on someone so frustrating like you, and your stupid perfect nose, going around acting like you're-" He cuts you off, closing the small space between the two of you with his lips.

It was persistent, the way his mouth pushed over yours, like a strong wave crashing over sands, forcing it to feel the same surge it's being held againts.

When your hands finally found its strength, you place them againts his chest, pushing him off, he startles and moves a step, eyes locking with yours.

His hands that were once on each sides of your face, falls down to his side, fingers flexing as if too empty now. "I hate you." He says. His eyes saying the opposite. Your mind repeats over and over of what he had done and you tell yourself that it can't get any worse or better than this, so you took a move yourself forward, standing on the ground he was on a second ago.

"Then why don't you show me how much."

You don't hesitate to pull his face towards yours, recreating the similar scene as before. His hands move to wrap around your waist, while yours tangle themselves in his untied long white hair.

You gasp when his tongue licks over your bottom lip, giving him what he wanted, your tongues clashes as you two continue kissing eachother like you're out of air. You don't flinch when he backs you up until your back meets the flat of a wall.  His right hand starts to fliddle with the laces tying your leather top on. You help him take it off before your own fingers helps him take his breeches of while he moves his lips to your neck.

"I like you better with your hair down." You manage to gasp out while he's sucking on your neck. "And I like you better with your mouth shut."  Legolas replies before his hands easily turns you around your face meets with the wall.

You barely hold on to the wall when his grip on your hips tighten, your own training tights pulled down before you felt him againts your back.  You squirm and let yourself grind againts his hardness when one of his hands move to your front to squeeze your breasts, flicking your nipple, gently moving lower then from your chest to yoir stomach, grazing your scar filled abs until it gets lower to where you want him the most.

He's still squeezing your left hip while rubbing his hard cock againts your ass.

Finally as he sinks into you without notice,  receiving  a loud whimper from you, his hand over your hips move to grabs a fistful of your hair, pulling your head back againts his chest. His right wandering fingers were still againts your front, rubbing circles on your thighs.

You're too speechless, feeling yourself filled up to the brim by him. He doesn't move at first, head laying low by your neck, hot breathing againts your cheek. You almost cry when he slowly pulls out, until he pushes himself in again, harder tham the first thrust.

He doesn't stop them, pushing into your hole repeatedly, his hands moving up from your thighs to your clit, rubbing over it with a pace that wanted to make you scream.

Legolas finally regains enough strength to start biting and sucking on your neck, marking you, while he doesn't stop pounding into your wet cunt.

The fullness of his cock and pressure of his fingers makes your cunt tighten againts him, he lets out a growl you've never heard if the elf prince before he bites down your sweet spot harshly, making you scream out his name. "Fucking hell." He groans out, fucking out all his pent up anger and tension over you.

.Your hands feels slippery againts the wall, gripping againts nothing while he takes you like a ragdoll, manhandling you take his cock over and over, watching you turn into a crying and moaning mess.

"Legolas, please- uh." You mewl out to him He hears you, pleased he is as he lets out a grin againts your neck. "Please what, my love?" He asks huskily.  Love, thats a new one.

"Need to come-" You beg out to him.  And Legolas, for all his false pretense of hostility before, could never say no to you.

He pushes your face againts the wall again,  both of his palms now back to each side of your hip, tightening againts them as he plunges himself harder inside of you as you scream out his name, shameless of who could've heard them. Your nipples grazes againts the hard bumpy walls, oversensitive to everything now,  you clench againts him so tightly that you could hear him curse out in elvish as he holds on to your bruised sides.

You feel tears brimming in your eyes as he continues fucking you while you explode all over him, your orgasm leaking out of your cunt, all over his leg. "Argh- im going to-" He doesn't finish his words as he finally cums after you, his hot cum leaking into your hole and then lower lines on your arse.

His head leans on your back, his breathing rapid and sweat glistens you both.

Legolas pulls you back by your breast, letting you rest on hus chest while the two of you try to regain some air. His fingers grazing the valley of your tits, head stuck on the side of your forehead. Once you've calmed down from your high, you tilt your head towards him, relishing his warm arms around you.

He leans forward, letting your forehead meets. You let out a small smile.  "Now what?" Your voice gentler then expected. "Now-" He answers, voice hard. "-I'll take you to my chambers, and I'm fucking you again."

[sunbloomdew]

Tamarack & Qiu about the Forest and the Neighbourhood

Recently I’ve been playing various visual novel games, and I stumbled upon the Our Life series. Needless to say, I am deeply in love with it. While playing the “Our Life: Now & Forever” game demo, I noticed the character’s different opinions about their environment. It’s a simple observation but I really wanted to share it, so here I am!

Depending on which character we meet up with first when we embark on our paper airplane message investigation, they will express their thoughts on the forest and the town.

(I'll be referring to Qiu with he/him pronouns, as these are the ones that are used for this character in childhood!)

Qiu likes the forest, but prefers the town over it. To him that is the centre of activity in Golden Grove.

He says that aside from the seasons changing it's like time doesn't exist in the forest. The fauna and flora there are all the same at all times, and he finds it weird.

I think that because the life in the forest changes in very subtle ways, he doesn't really considers that important. The plants grow but it's not like they move to different spots. They stay in one place, like the path in the forest.

That's why the neighbourhood and the town, where other people live is more appealing to him. It's much easier to notice when something changes in a more lively space, and those developments tend to be more dynamic too, as such they can appear more interesting. Especially for kids. Since their attention span tends to be short, faster occurring shifts capture their attention better.

On the other hand, Tamarack openly expresses her dislike of the town.

To her, the town is the very opposite of fun. The buildings are old and dusty, and the people don't do anything. As she describes it, they sit around all the time.

Tamarack finds the town stagnant and boring because of that. The buildings look the same and stay in one place. You can decorate them, but they are always structures, constructed with a set purpose in mind.

I can't quite understand the meaning behind these words: "Nobody is going anywhere or doing anything. They just live in this place, sit around, and do that forever." If I had to provide an interpretation of those words, I'd say what Tamarack means by them, is that people have assigned roles in the community and certain habits that make it seem like their life are same, unchanging routine. That does not appeal to her in the slightest.

In stark contrast to Qiu, Tamarack considers the forest a place where everything constantly evolves.

She pays attention to the way nature is alive on its own. The tree may not walk around, but it's bark overgrows with lichen and fungi, that spread, or get eaten, or grow sick and die. The animals collect food, branches to build shelter and move from place to place. Those small changes, that occur all the time, forever, fascinate Tamarack.

As she puts it:

I found it interesting how Qiu and Tamarack focus on different signs of life, and are basically opposites in their view of those two places. To Qiu the town is exciting because there is always something going on there with people, but Tamarack thinks they do the same forever. Qiu may see neighbours talk to eachother everyday and find it interesting because they discuss different topics, but to Tamarack, they are just doing the same activity all the time, which is boring. On the contrary, Tamarack thinks the forest is magical in the way it constantly transforms, but Qiu sees it as a place without any sort of changes going on there, which unnerves him. I find those two views of the same spaces really interesting.

Later when the trio walks to school for the first time, Qiu is baffled when Tamarack states that the forest is the only good place around.

(She says that regardless if MC likes or dislikes the woods. If our character likes them, Qiu says the dialogue above. If not, he will say: "Hey, so, it's kind of funny how you like the woods that much." referring to Tamarack alone.)

While they have different opinions on these places, it's nice that they don't argue over it. Would I have expected this to happen? No, but it's still good that it doesn't.

It's not a groundbreaking observation, but I enjoyed thinking about it and writing this post nonetheless. I'm looking foward to learning more about those two! They are both so adorable. I can't wait to become best friends with them <3

Peace out (❁´◡`❁)

[bomberqueen17]

kitchen colors

so ok it's the weekend and we were snowed in for a week and i've done a ton of unpacking but it's all invisible yay

but dude was making low-key plans for the weekend and i was like NO WE MUST GO TO THE HARDWARE STORE AND GET PAINT SAMPLES

i had to like. drag him to look at the paint chips idk why it was so difficult.

So we haggled and hemmed and hawed and held chips up in various spots and eliminated almost everything I'd brought home. Nothing would do as the accent color. But the wall color... we narrowed it down to Behr's Thai Teal, Celtic Queen, or Bella Vista. Celtic Queen was their pthalo-est green; Thai Teal and Bella Vista are almost the same except Thai Teal is dustier and Bella Vista clearer. Dude felt the cabinets having a dusty cast meant the wall should do, and I strongly felt the opposite. He yielded to my intensity of feeling on this.

But none of the colors I'd picked out were suitable as a trim color to pair with either of the teals or the green, so we'd have to go look. A lime green, perhaps, or a bright orange?

I also felt that painting the bay windowsill a strong color was the wrong choice, so we decided it should be a high-gloss white, but of course a shade of white that didn't clash with the white countertop. Not having a sample of countertop, I instead brought a spare backsplash tile with me to the hardware store, so I could tell what color of white I needed (ugh).

Thus ensued Hell: Trying to pick which of the hundred colors of white would match the tile without being too obviously not-white (which would clash with the white-white plastic of the electrical outlets and the plastic window frames, which I am not painting. The outlet and switch plates are getting painted or replaced with something decorative, sure, but the actual bit you put the plugs into is staying as it is, I'm not painting that shit). But, fortunately, Dude comes of graphic designer types, and came through for me.

[image: a man's hands, holding a white subway tile and several basically-white paint chips, in front of a hardware store display of paint chips in every shade imaginable of white, beige, black, or gray. This is my idea of hell.]

We tried lime green with the teal. It looked banger as fuck, but the only problem was, it also looked exactly like a really classic IKEA duvet cover pattern from about 2000. I could not paint my kitchen to look like the duvet cover Dude had when we met. That is not going to work out, psychically.

I picked a brilliant orange, and also hated it. It looked like... the 1970s. it looked. Too much. It popped but like, in a slightly upsetting way. it was giving Miami vibes, in an early-90s kind of way.

I dithered, and finally Dude went and picked a less red orange, in fact called Joyful Orange. That looked much better, and I got sample pots of Joyful Orange and Bella Vista to take home. (They are SEVEN DOLLARS each can you believe. Ah well.)

[image description: In the center of the photo, a section of wall trim is painted bright yellow-orange, next to a section of wall painted deep teal. To the right, a blue-washed cabinet corner, the white tile backsplash, and a section of counter with the tea kettle on it; to the left is the paler yellow in the distance of the living room, with a bunch of blurry stuff piled in the middle of the room.]

It's. Sort of parrot colors? But it's bright and it's bold. I like it in every lighting situation. So I think this is what I'm going with.

And then for the outlet covers, I got one lighter shade of turquoise, and then dug out my craft paints. I bought a couple of spare outlet covers at the hardware store-- forty-eight cents apiece? I'd be crazy not to-- lightly buffed them with some fine sandpaper, and went to town. This is just the first layer, once it dries I'm going to go back over and try to add realistic veining and like metallic glitter and such to make them look like turquoise gemstone material.

[image: lying on a crinkled paper towel, a US-style outlet cover is mottled in shades of turquoise paint, in an irregularly-textured pattern.]

Ah maybe I should do a layer of clear coat and then do the veining? We'll see. I'm not sure.

[penname-artist]

I have had this one idea for a really BIG story for a while now, and I'm curious whether this is something y'all would be interested in:

Alternate Dimension Dystopian Future.

For the sake of everything I have had planned *in* the story, it will need to be humanized. Lots of stuff is pre-planned and whatnot, and much harder to do in a WoC backdrop when I'd have to translate things.

This would follow Dusty - our Dusty, y'know. The lil racing dork he is - into this, other world he's never been to before. Where he comes face to face with, well...him.

Or another world's take of him.

And he's nothing like him. Dark, jaded, the leader of a rebellion seeking to overthrow their doomed world's tyrants. The two are like night and day, and yet...they kinda need each other, more than ever right now. They're both after the same thing, in a matter of speaking. They want their freedom back, and they want to go home.

Oh and also, Nick's alive and his and Blades roles are VERY different here, there will be references and cameos to many other characters including but not limited to Maru, Cabbie, Skipper, Bravo, Echo, maybe even a few of the Cars cast, and a handful of previously established OCs. Maybe some new ones, too...

If and when I get any sort of content up and out for this idea (which, will probably be kinda beefy) it's gonna go under the title "Project:SEVEN" or #projectSEVEN so, if it's something you think sounds cool, like, keep your eyes peeled cuz I'm gonna dump a whole lotta shit on this fucker.

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.57 The resort

Winter arrived, and I couldn't even tell. The pleasantly warm temperature was the same as every other day that week, like autumn in San Sequoia, and I loved it. At least it didn't rain, though. I in no way had any regrets about moving in with Sophia, but I missed San Sequoia a lot—a whole lot. There was just something about that colorful town that resonated with me. With any luck, we could move back one day, but for now, Oasis Springs was my dusty new home.

Good thing I didn't have a traditional job, or otherwise Sophia and I would struggle to find time together. Not only did she work an early shift, but also she worked on weekends and had two random days off in the middle of the week. But that also meant I'd only have a few hours each day to get everything I needed to get done before she got home if we wanted to maximize our time together. I could have gone back to San Sequoia to host a class or two, but I used the time to shop for a few items for the house and put up my pictures. I was no design diva like Mama, but I hoped Sophia would be pleasantly surprised when she walked through the door.

After the decor adventure, I went for a jog, and would you believe it rained after I had just given Oasis Springs props for not raining on me? Rude. Maybe the latter part of the year was just rainier everywhere in general and I never noticed until now.

Next to our house was an empty lot, and even though I'd jogged past it a few times, it stood out that day and got me thinking. How much would it cost to build a very small, very basic studio? The question intrigued me so much I canceled my second lap and went back home to do some research. The price of the land was relatively cheap, which meant the lot taxes would probably be low as well. So far, I had no reason to not consider this path, but I tucked the idea away for another time because I became distracted by learning about a spa resort right here in Oasis Springs. The resort, named Desert Bloom Spa Hotel, was conveniently located near our neighborhood. I still had a few more hours before Sophia got back, so I went to check it out.

I had only entered the lobby and already fell in love with the place. It was so clean, modern, and peaceful. Maybe one day Sophia and I could do a weekend getaway—a staycation of sorts. Well, definitely not on the weekend, but you know what I meant. I found someone who worked there and asked if I could look around, and to my surprise, she volunteered to take me on a tour and began in the dining room, which was just across the breezeway from the front desk.

They served continental breakfast, snacks during the day, and tapas at night. At the heart of the facility, there was a sprawling fountain that spanned almost the entire length of the spa. The poolside bar was pretty big too. Tables and chairs were scattered all around the fountain, giving plenty of room for everyone to hang out and chill over a nice drink.

They even had a two-level gym with enough machines to accommodate nearly anyone wishing to workout during their stay. Not even my gym in Newcrest had that many machines. This place was really growing on me, and I wondered if I could frequent it without a reservation.

Up next were the residential suites. We couldn't go in them, of course, but they were duplex style, side-by-side suites that mirrored each other. They shared a common pool, and I got to peek inside a little from the patio door. They looked nice enough inside. I think we could be happy there for a few days--not that we'll be sitting around looking at the wallpaper, heh.

The yoga area was outside across from the suites and pool, and MAN I was so inspired. I rarely thought about opening my own yoga studio. Honestly, it was yet another one of Mama's ideas that eventually bored its way into my subconscious. But sometimes the idea was strong enough that it felt like it came from my own mind, and I really wanted to do it. Looking at their setup gave me so many ideas for how I could craft mine when the time came.

Hopefully, they also had an indoor facility because it started raining again. I would hate to be a paying customer who wasn't able to take any classes because of the weather. Watcher forbid they still carried on, regardless. I asked my tour guide if they ever did guided meditations and explained I was a yoga instructor myself and led guided meditations in San Sequoia. This intrigued her, and she promised to discuss it with the owner.

Turns out they didn't have an indoor yoga room, but the meditation room was upstairs. The spa rooms were also upstairs, but my tour guide didn't let me go in for obvious reasons. But she said there was a sauna, two tables inside, and multiple massage chairs on the upper deck. The lobby for the massage rooms was just as clean and peaceful as the front desk, so I knew the service rooms would be too.

I was so wrapped up in the tour I didn't realize the time. Sophia had already arrived home, and I missed the opportunity to show her the things I bought. True, she could see them as soon as she walked in, but I wanted to be the one to show her. But in Sophia-like fashion, she began raving about how much she loved the rug and blinds as soon as I walked in.

Luckily, she hadn't seen the other room yet, so I got to show her the couch for the office, and she loved that too.

"Thanks for moving the desk and fitting the couch in there. I know it's not easy getting things in and out of here."

It was no trouble. After all, I was a very strong man, heh.

I joined her on the couch and asked about her day. Thankfully, it was much better than yesterday but still kind of meh. I guess that's the answer a lot of sims gave since it was so common to work a job one didn't love. I wanted better for her and didn't enjoy seeing her live a mediocre life. Hopefully, one day my yoga business would be so good she wouldn't have to work if she didn't want to. I just wanted her to be happy.

The conversation reached a lull, and she took the opportunity to change the subject and ask me a very serious question.

"So how are you feeling about living here?"

To be continued...

The resort is a golden oldie by @jenba!

[fuckknowledgeandideas]

BTW i have been listening to the everything everything song u replied to my ask w AND ITS SOOOOOOOOO FAUCKING GOOOOOOOD

HELL YES I'M SO GLAD.... Everything Everything my favorite band of the world....

ALSO I'll derail this ask (sorry! you fell into my music trap) to make recommendations on how to get into their stuff since they have quite a few albums now ^-^ I'll go in order of most accessible album to least :

Get To Heaven : Their best album and probably their most well known one.. I started with this one so of course I am biased BUT. it is the most consistent one in terms of song quality in my opinion. It has a lot of very abrasive sounds, prominent bass (for the bassheads in the crowd <3), same with the drums, the singer makes a lot of funny sounds like eehee and ahaaa! and ooh!!, it's a good time. Notable songs (by that I mean my favorites) : (Well the thing is. The entirety is good. Just don't listen to No Reptiles it's stupid. HOWEVER,) Regret, Spring/Sun/Winter/Dread, Blast Doors, Hapsburg Lippp and Only As Good As My God are my big preferences in there. If you like quieter song listen to the others in priority I'd say. OH OH AND WHEEL. You should check The Wheel, see if it's turning now etc BONUS : BANGING CONCERT with BANGING RECORDING HERE https://youtu.be/qYAFCVlLWIk as a wise man once said : "I hope they got some nasty fucking sloppy after this sessio,n"

Man Alive : Baby's very first album!! This one I would say is quite depressing but quite catchy as well.. Half of the songs in there are a bit too empty to my personal taste BUUUUT the other half has a talent to make me writhe and cry on the flour. Augh. The sounds are lighter in this one but our good friend mister Johnathan Every love to yell so much it compensates largely. Notable songs : MY KZ UR BF, Qwerty Finger, Schoolin', Photoshop Handsome, Suffragette Suffragette, Come Alive Diana, and from the deluxe version I would say the most important ones to check out are DNA Dump and Wizard Talk BONUS : They collaborated with an ensemble for a concert check it out definitely they're so small in it and they are having so much fun and and there is a brass section it is so charming https://youtu.be/oCH_YGD7oDc AND you should check the demo of MY KZ UR BF. It makes me SAD! https://youtu.be/VaoHgQts5ek The roughness of it only conveys the message of it better and they have chimes in it. It's GOOD.

Raw Data Feel : Most recent released album, and it's about how we love phone more than god. Kind of. I'd describe this one as having a very dreamlike quality. It talks about apocalypse and robots and computers and how they are "terrifying and a bit sexy". They really said that. I wouldn't say it sounds more electronic than the others but it has a "blurred" artificial layer to it that makes it very unique. OH AND they did something cool with ai stuff before everyone else so props to them for that. Notable songs : Bad Friday, Pizza Boy, Metroland Is Burning, Leviathan and HEX. MY GOD LISTEN TO HEX. IT'S SO FUCKING GOOD.

Arc : A mixed bag of mehh songs and really REALLY STRONG ONES. Maybe the most sadness inducing album of theirs. It REEKS of despair. Badly. I'm saying that as a good thing. Album that feels like the dusty attic of deceased loved ones on a cold spring morning.. Notable songs : Cough Cough, Torso Of The Week, Choice Mountain, Undrowned, Radiant LISTEN TO RADIANT GOD. If you like those check Kemosabe, No Plan and Justice too. I like these very much.

A Fever Dream : ARGUABLY THEIR WORSE ALBUM. It's very quiet and empty except for a few tunes. I do think it has a very particular atmosphere that I personally ended up warming up to. Don't look up the meanings for the lyrics it's all kind of boring I think you should think about characters instead. Notable songs : Night Of The Long Knives, Desire, Good Shot Good Soldier, Run The Numbers. <- The most impactful songs to me. White Whale makes me very sad if I think about it too. Wahh

RE-ANIMATOR : It's fine. I don't have very strong opinions on this one. It has some really good songs in it. I think the thing with this one is the lyrics are a lot simpler than the others and I like the weirdness better. But it still is worth checking out those guys know how to make music. Notable songs : Big Climb, Planets, Black Hyena, Violent Sun. BONUS : They released SUPERNORMAL as a single around the time of that album and it's better than a good portions of the songs in it so check it out lol. The other single released for this album is the worst song they ever made don't worry about it.

BONUS OF BONUS : There's a playlist of a bunch of unreleased/demos/B-sides on youube if you are really motivated to check many things, some of them were in the Man Alive deluxe version though. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLYCuy2Tpolc8GY7GQYX5_uYdgYpftKQ7V

Uhh I might have forgotten things but. If you don't know them that's a starting point that you can bounce off of. Have fun with tunes yayy <3

[sixminutestoriesblog]

witch balls

When I was a child visiting little tiny New England towns was different than it is today. These days when I walk down a carefully curated Main Street in some wind swept, coastal town you can barely smell the salt in the air anymore and every shop you step into is pristine air-conditioned and smells like a department store used to, all faint traces of new plastic and underlying pungent scent of whatever it is they paint large shipments of clothes with to keep them during shipping. Most of them are still set up to look old, in fact many of them are in old buildings, but the weight of all those years isn't really allowed to show through. It's all ocean cottage core now, neat and white painted and artistic sea glass and sandpipers in simplified wooden statues, wire legs frozen instead of blurring with motion. Don't get me wrong. I love ocean cottagecore. I would decorate my whole house in it if I had the money. And the little shops, pristine and pretty, absolutely have a sweet appeal to them, not willing to give up their personality for the sterilization of 'Big City' box stores. I do miss however, what tourist shops in those same little towns used to be. Less plastic magnets for the refrigerator shaped like whales and sweatshirts of labrador retrievers declaring them a specific colored Dog and more -

half forgotten not-quite-antique shop, hidden down some narrow salt smelling alley where the stones that make up the road are uneven and there's a dusty smell to the cracks of the wood floors that never goes away. As a child going to a 'tourist shop' in one of these towns was like walking into a magic shop, a true magic shop, with books of breathtakingly beautiful paper dolls as detailed as any old fairy book illustration, imitation scrimshawed whale teeth, old time candy, books about lady pirates and clever glass marbles full of painted fish. The things those old shops offered felt local, magical, impossible to find in any other town in the entire world. Childhood colors everything more vivid than it probably was but I still think of longing and a child's minor spending money in a world of treasures when I remember those shops.

In one of those shops, as a child, I saw my first glass fishing float.

At the time it was being sold as a Portuguese fishing ball, a better buoyant for nets and lines than cork or wood. I remember, distinctly, the surprising weight of it when I picked it up. I was used to glass being fragile, light, airy. The fishing ball was none of those. It had a weight to it and a solid feel to it that said it was fit to ride the choppy waters of the icy Atlantic and do its duty, tide in and tide out. Storms weren't going to break and drown this glass. It would ride the waves forever and when it finally broke free of its net, it would find the shore, in itself or in pieces as polished sea glass. These balls were sturdy and I fell in love with them. The first time I could finally afford one was a triumph and the rare times I managed to find them in shops, as the years and the advance of more proper 'souvenirs' advances, I snatched them up even if it meant my spending money for the rest of the trip would be lean. Finally, eventually, the balls disappeared from the last shop and I thought my meager hoard was all I'd ever see of them again, an old relic that was already being phased out before I'd even discovered them as a child.

Imagine my surprise when, years and years later, a friend, helping me fix my bathroom from some water damage, saw one of them where I had it hanging in the window and seemed surprised to recognize it. He called it a 'witch ball'. I corrected him but he was adamant. And so, thanks to the internet, I rediscovered my glass fishing floats - with a new name and a new story to go with it.

Witch balls are hollow glass balls. They can range in size, I've seen some as small as rounded shot glasses and the older ones seem to be about as large as my fishing balls, which is about the size of a cantaloupe. Like fishing balls, they're not made for perfection, in fact, the bubbles and imperfections in the glass blowing process are considered part of their selling points. They tend to range in colors, with modern day witch balls being an absolute riot of colors or a beautiful gradual shift from one color to the next. They've been around for quite a long time as well. There are accounts of witch balls hanging in English houses, especially sea-faring ones, as far back as the 17th and 18th century, though they were often known as 'watch balls' back then and not quite as riotously colorful as modern ones, tending to be more often made of green or blue glass. Sometimes they would have salt or herbs put in them before they were sealed but the main thing witch balls needed were stands. In fact, something I just learned, the way to tell a kugel (friendship) ball and a witch ball apart is to look for the glass strands inside the ball. Witch balls need those strands to be effect. Witch balls are, after all, created to be traps.

The idea was that you hung your ball inside your house, often in an eastern window but sometimes from the rafters or set on top of a stand. Than, when evil things tried to enter the house in the night, they would be distracted and then captivated by the way the light of the moon played against the glass of the ball. Sometimes, the evil had to touch the glass, sometimes being ensnared simply happened automatically once their gaze was fixed on it. Either way, the evil would find itself pulled into the glass, trapped in the maze of the strands inside and unable to escape. There it would remain either until the morning sunrise burned it away or until the glass ball was broken, freeing it to continue its harm. Not all witch balls worked that way. In some cases, the glass was made to be more reflective with the idea that evil things, as we've already read, didn't have reflections and couldn't bear the reminder or that the glass would turn aside the evil gaze and reflect it back on its creator.

There is some speculation that glass Christmas ornaments may be tied into something similar as well, although, humans also simply like hanging sparking objects up for no reason but 'pretty' as well.

Bottle Trees serve the same general purpose and can still be found in parts of the Southern US, a tradition brought over from the Congo during slavery times. The belief is that blue bottles hung on tree branches will entrance and capture evil spirits inside their depths and hold them there where they can't cause any harm until the morning sun burns them away with its rising.

As a last note, I should point out that calling my collection 'fishing balls' wasn't necessarily wrong. While some of my later purchases did have strands in them, my early ones from childhood didn't. Apparently there's a very invested set of people who collect Japanese fishing floats on the West Coast of the US and Canada as well.

[chipped-chimera]

So, I'm a Lesbian I guess.

So uh, life update. I came out to my Mum, so I figured I'd do so here too.

I've done a bunch of self reflection, healing. I reached out to my ex and we had a good conversation and I think that just made everything even clearer for me.

So yeah, this is me saying I'm not bisexual. I'm lesbian. And I probably always was.

More context below the cut if you want it (it's long). But anyway, here's to finally feeling like I'm finding the real 'me' in all this rubble.

❤️🧡🤍💖💜

I thought I was bisexual for ages. The fact I even got to think that wouldn't have happened if it weren't for my ex, who identified that way and I felt in a safe enough environment to express it. In the past two months I went through some self reflection, and talked to my ex for the first time in 2 years. It was good, and it's too complicated to explain easily but at least on my end I was getting a double dosage of the comphet juice between just regular expectations and the undiagnosed autism (also jesus christ, being a teenager in 2005-2010 that environment was just fucked up for anyone who might be trying to come to terms with not being straight). Kids in my school were more accepting, but also in the same breath using 'Gay' as an insult).

We were both undiagnosed neurodiverse people and maybe it was just the first time we'd encountered someone who just actually understood for once. Who saw who we were and were okay with that. The 10 year relationship, put in that context makes a lot of sense. So I don't blame him for how it ended. If anything I thanked him for breaking it off, because I was in such a goddamn state after being used by the Australian government (see Robodebt) there was no way in hell I had the mental tools or even brain space to realise anything about myself because I was too busy just trying to fucking survive. I would have lived and died in that relationship simply because at least it was safe, and stable. But it wasn't genuine.

Past two years since that relationship ended were fucking rough. For most of this year I kind of just turned into myself I guess, but I was letting it happen because after finding out about the high comorbidity of chronic health conditions with Autism and how it's likely related to long-term compound stress from masking for so long, I really asked myself when was the last time I just let myself 'rest'? Didn't do anything I didn't want to do or feel compelled to do because of some social contract or guilt?

I couldn't come up with an answer.

So I rested. And I think that's basically given me the strength now to finally 'wake up'. I dunno. That's how it feels. I only recently noticed my thoughts about women were structurally very different than the ones about men (and yeah it's goddamn fuckin' embarassing to say but uh thanks Larian specifically for giving me a female love interest tailored to my exact preference which FINALLY connected some dusty neuron in the back of my head or something. It was Karlach. MY GODDAMN GAY AWAKENING WAS KARLACH, ffs) and the more I examined it, the more everything became clear. I was hesitant to remove the bi label from myself, wondering if this was just a really extreme 'bi-cycle' swing but the more and more I thought about it, went through memories in my life, how I could never see myself with someone else it was always characters together and really it was the relationship and intimacy between them, regardless of gender that I was appreciating.

I thought I was grey ace but after going 'huh these thoughts are kind of different' and realising that yeah, I could imagine myself with a woman - it wasn't some weird other shit I'd told myself like it was just visceral self hatred or something, placing myself with a guy it was literally I did not want to be with a guy - it became obvious. So fucking, embarrassingly obvious.

I'm not sure where things will go from here. I am incredibly socially isolated in real life. My best friend is my Mum. I don't have a social circle at all outside of online spaces. I'm 30 and that's a fucking weird age to be thrown out into the world essentially experiencing goddamn delayed idk mental puberty because you suppressed it that hard. I haven't used a dating app in my LIFE. I'm still kind of scared of being hurt by others and I'm aware it's not entirely logical, but I just feel fragile. I'm also still picking up the pieces of my life.

I've confirmed a C-PTSD diagnosis with my psychologist, which explains why all the CBT tools I'd learned over the years just stopped working (CBT doesn't always gel well with PTSD or Autism) so that's probably going to inform treatment going forward. My intense fatigue issues are probably caused by having to carry all this fucking trauma and suppression of myself. As I said to my Mum, it's like I'm just 'Tired from being alive' at this point. I'm really, really fucking hoping it's not Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/ME. The new medication I'm on seems to be keeping me going past the 4hr mark though, so we might be onto the right medication mix (I do not appreciate the 7:30pm crash, like clockwork, where instead of feeling unfocused and tired like before I now feel jacked up as hell like I'm waiting for someone to punch me however :V)

I don't know where this is going. Or where I'm going. All I know is 'I'm going'. When the breakup first happened, when I hauled myself out of the Mental Health ward and back to my parents home where I had to figure out what the fuck to do after any kind of certainty of my future had been completely obliterated - I saw a lot of snakes. I'm kind of vaugely pagan, if I'm honest. I don't know how to put it. I am very scientific but I also don't think we know all the answers.

My ancestors were likely heavily Celtic, likely some Viking and Pictish influence as both family lines go back to Scotland and Ireland. I know through my reading that natural signs were important to them, so I start noticing when I see multiple occurrences, especially in odd places (I'll be real, I just remembered earlier in this relationship when I was more into pagan shit I saw a lot of Moths. Yeah. Yeah I feel like smashing my face into my desk about that. No I never figured it out then EITHER). I know quite a few things about snakes. Snakes are an animal that is both used as a symbol for medicine, but also classed as 'evil', especially in the modern christian context.

They are considered symbols of rejuvenation, of immortality, much like the Phoenix, they are constantly reborn through the shedding of their skin. Shedding is critical to a snake, because if it does not shed it's skin, it will die. This is a legitimate concern for zookeepers with snakes that have scars - they often struggle to shed completely, and they have to soak the snake's skin in water so they can cast off the skin.

So it's shed or die.

I have struggled to let go of things. Of everything that was done to me, but I knew it had to be let go. And today I have shed a lot of that shit. I am crying on and off but this is probably the first time it's easy. It's not physically painful, like knives in my throat, or something I have to shove down and keep contained for fear of being rejected. It's happy crying.

Because that skin being shed - it wasn't mine either. I needed rest, I needed to soak in that goddamn water dish so I could get through all the scar tissue. So it's probably the strongest image I have in my mind of everything. Of who I am. My entire life.

If you're going through difficult shit in life, all I can say is - you're strong. You're strong as fuck. Strength isn't being able to get into a physical fight, or being super confident around people - it's enduring life and the chaos thrown at you. It's being able to be broken down and rebuild, just like the snake casts off skin for their new selves. You will endure things and be stronger for it, than those who have lived all their lives without any pain whatsoever.

But it could be better, I know. It doesn't justify the pain. But please listen to yourself. Listen to your body. If you need to be selfish? Be fucking selfish! Don't want to do that thing? Don't do it! If you know it is costing you, if it is adding to that scar tissue - stop. Take the time you need to reset, to regain your breath. Ask yourself who you are doing this for. Ask what skin you are wearing and whether that is something you want to keep. Shed it. Let go.

It will hurt, but this is just the beginning. Change feels like a broken bone. But it will heal.

[fakesmilesallaround]

𝐭𝐰𝐨

WILLOW SAT ON A PIPE ON THE ROOFTOP, cradling her baby. She took the cloth that she had used to secure the baby and covered her up along with the left side of her chest. As a first time mom, she still isn't quite comfortable breastfeeding in front of others, but it was about time her little one needed it.

Rick and the others stood, eyeing the streets and the large number of the dead that walked upon them.

"It's up to us to find a way out." Rick said, looking back at everyone.

Merle grunted. "Good luck with that. These streets ain't safe in this part of town from what I hear. Ain't that right, sugar tits?" He grinned disgustingly at Willow. She scoffed and ignored his crude comment. "Hey, honey bunch, what say you get me out of these cuffs, we go off somewhere and bump some uglies? We gonna die anyway."

She glanced over at him, pathetically on the ground and still cuffed to the metal bar. "I'd rather."

Glenn, who sat further down the pipe, let a subtle smirk play at his lips.

"What about under the streets, the sewers?" Rick asked Morales who's eyes lit up.

"Hey Glenn, check the alley. See any manhole covers?"

Glenn ran over to the back side of the building and quickly checked before returning. "No, must be all out on the street where the geeks are."

"Maybe not." Everyone's attention turned towards Jacqui. "Old building like this built in to '20s, big structures often had drainage tunnels into the sewers in case of flooding. Down in the subbasements."

"How do you know that?" Willow asked, Glenn nodding in agreement.

"It's my job-" Jacqui shook her head. "Was. I worked in the city zoning office."

"Let's go check it out then." Rick stated, heading towards the stairs, everyone following behind shortly after.

"Don't forget to come back for me darlin'." Merle winked at Willow as she covered up and wrapped her baby again.

"Wouldn't be at the top of my priority list." She scoffed, heading down the stairs.

-

The room they entered was dim and dusty and smelled of horrid mold. On the right side of the room, a massive hole with a ladder caught everyone's attention. The drainage tunnel that Jacqui was talking about.

"This is it? You sure?" Morales asked, shining his flashlight down into the tunnel.

"I really scoped this place out. This is the only thing in the building that goes down." Glenn responded, swallowing hard. "But I've never gone down it. Who'd want to, right?"

As he said that, everyone looked at him, as if they were all saying the same thing. From the look on his face, he received the message loud and clear.

"Oh. Great." His eyes fluttered back to the dark tunnel.

Willow felt bad for the group sending him down. "We'll be right behind you." She approached Glenn's side.

"No, you won't. Not you." His voice sounded frustrated. "You're carrying a baby around, and the last thing we need is a baby without a mother."

Willow eyed him for a minute but nodded.

"Look, until now I always came here by myself, in and out, grab a few things no problem." The group listened intently. "The first time I bring a group, everything goes to hell. No offense. If you want me to go down the gnarly hole, fine. But only if we do it my way."

Rick nodded.

"It's tight down there. If I run into something and have to get out quick, I don't want you all jammed up behind me getting me killed. I'll take one person."

Right as Rick was about to say something, Glenn beat him to it. "Not you either. You've got Merle's gun and I've seen you shoot. I'd feel better if you were out in that store watching those doors covering our ass. Andrea, you have the only other gun so you should go with him." He pointed to the blonde before pointing to Morales. "You be my wingman. Jacqui and Willow stays here. If something happens, yell down to us, get us back up here in a hurry." Glenn took a deep breath after rambling.

"Okay. Everybody knows their jobs." Rick patted Glenn on the back before he placed his flashlight in his mouth, descending the ladder with Morales. After the two of them had began walking the tunnel, Andrea and Rick retreated to the store, leaving Jacqui and Willow in the old room.

"What's her name?" Jacqui asked, eyeing Willow and her baby tenderly.

"Sienna." Willow responded, rocking her baby back and forth.

"May I?" Jacqui approached them, holding her arms out. Willow took a small step back, eyeing the woman. She still didn't know if she could trust them all yet. Being in a group wasn't exactly Willow's plan or intent, and it takes her a while to warm up to people, but that was then. The world has gone to shit, and running into any living being was a rarity now. She figured now more than ever she'd have to learn to trust others.

Willow nodded, gently placing Sienna into Jacqui's arms, the woman's face immediately lighting up like a Christmas tree.

"Hi sweetie." She said gently to the baby she cradled. "She's got your eyes." Jacqui said, smiling up at Willow.

She did have her eyes. Warm, doe-like hazel eyes. She thanked God that she did. They made looking at that baby that much easier.

"Do you have any of your own?" Willow asked, trying to ease her way into getting to know these people.

The woman shook her head. "Wasn't able to have children."

Willow's face fell. "Oh, I'm sorry."

Jacqui shook it off. "Don't be. Never knew if motherhood would be right for me, anyways." She looked back down at Sienna who was now grabbing her index finger in her little hands and let out a small laugh. "Though this little one makes me think otherwise."

The grunts of the two that ventured to the drainage tunnel pulled them out of conversation as they climbed out of the hole. Before any questions could be asked, glass shattering could be heard from the room over, causing the four of them to run and follow it.

Upon entering the store, Rick and Andrea stood in front of the doors. The first set had been broken, the dead walking through and beginning their assault on the last set. Jacqui quickly handed Sienna back to Willow as they all stood in fear.

"What did you find down there?" Rick asked, pistol at the ready.

"Not a way out." Morales replied, out of breath.

"We need to find a way." Andrea said in desperation.

The pounding and growling grew louder as more of the dead began to pile at the doors.

The group made their way back to the rooftop to check the streets in hopes they had cleared, but the head count was just as high as before.

Rick looked through binoculars before passing them down to the others. "That construction site, those trucks- they always keep keys on hand.

"You'll never make it past the walkers." Morales responded immediately, eyeing the hundreds below them.

Rick took a step back, looking at Glenn. "You got me out of that tank."

"Yeah, but they were feeding. They were distracted." Glenn pulled away from the ledge.

"Can we distract them again?" Rick asked.

A voice from behind them chimed in. "Right. Listen to him, he's onto something'. A diversion, like on "Hogan's Heroes"

"God, give it a rest." Jacqui said towards Merle.

"Maybe we can send him down there as our distraction." Willow said in annoyance, pointing at Merle, earning a glare from him.

"They're drawn by sound, right?"

"Right, like dogs." Glenn answered Rick. "They hear a sound, they come."

"What else?" Rick pushed. Willow didn't know much about Rick, but it seemed that he was still acclimating to the new world.

"Aside from they hear you, they see you, they smell you, and if they catch you, they eat you."

"They can tell us by smell?" Rick asked, stirring up an idea in his head.

"Can't you? They smell dead, we don't." Willow glanced over the edge of the roof again. "It's pretty distinct."

With no more conversation, Rick let out a sigh.

-

"If bad ideas were an Olympic event, this would take the gold." Glenn muttered, grabbing some rubber gloves.

"Just take some time to think this through." Morales pressed on towards Rick.

"How much time? They already got through one set of doors." Rick responded, still gathering gloves and jackets for everyone.

"He's right. Those glass doors won't hold forever." Willow said, eyeing the group.

Morales, Glenn and Rick went out the door and collected one of the dead walkers they had killed earlier to let them inside, dragging it into the room. The group stood around the body, the putrid smell burning their noses. Rick knelt down, patting the dead man's pockets, pulling out an old wallet that sat in them.

"Wayne Dunlap." He said, pulling out the man's ID. "Georgia license."

Willow felt a pang in her stomach. She, too, isn't acclimated to this new world. Seeing the once alive now dead but walking around the streets, she can't help but imagine who they were before the world went to shit. With each walker she killed, she still felt a slight sense of guilt, but she knew that in order to keep her and her daughter alive, eventually she would have to push that guilt to the side.

Rick grabbed the fire axe that was once encased in glass and raised it behind him, crashing it down into the man's abdomen. The group flinched back in disgust and horror as thick dark blood sprayed the room. He kept swinging more and more until the man's insides were easily accessible. Using their gloved hands, they gathered the mush that was left of the insides and began to spread it heavily on Glenn and Rick's jackets. Willow and Andrea stepped away for a second to gather themselves as the air in the room became tainted and foul.

"If we make it back, be ready." Rick said sternly to the group.

"What about Merle Dixon." T-Dog asked the question no one else wanted to ask. Rick slipped his hand into his pocket, pulling out a small metal key, tossing it to T-Dog.

-

The rest of the group watched over the edge of the roof, Morales peering through the binoculars in hopes to spot Glenn and Rick. It took a while to spot them in a sea of walkers.

"There!" Morales exclaimed, pointing down to a street across from their building, but their attention was turned towards the sky as dark clouds moved and covered the sun with a loud grumble of thunder following it.

Willow felt a drop of rain splash onto her hand, before another and more. She ripped off her jacket and draped it over Sienna on her chest.

"Oh man." Morales said, as he too felt the rain that was coming.

Everyone glanced over the road, following Glenn and Rick. So far, the dead were still mindlessly walking, but as the rain came down harder and harder, they could see the walkers starting to become entertained by the two of them. Within a blink of an eye, Rick's axe was plunged into the head of a walker that showed too much interest in him, only to fuel the energy and hunger of the others surrounding them. The two took off into a sprint, smashing their weapons into the heads of anything that got in their way. They finally got to a chain linked fence, throwing their weapons over before climbing it, just barely getting over before the walkers were gripping the metal.

Willow let out a breath of relief, but Andrea shot it down fast. "Don't relax yet. The plan isn't over."

Sure enough, as the two climbed into the truck, the fence broke down, hundreds of walkers trampling over it and towards their vehicle.

"They're leaving us." Andrea said in shock.

"What?" Willow grabbed the binoculars from Morales, holding them up to her eyes. The Ferenc truck crashed down another fence, heading down a street beyond their view. She took a step back, handing the binoculars back to Morales. Her mind filled with worry and fear with an 'I told you so.' She felt foolish to put even an ounce of trust into those people.

But she was wrong.

"Those roll-up doors at the front of the store facing the street- meet us there and be ready." Glenn's voice spoke through the device Morales held.

They all stumbled back, desperately grabbing their bags and belongings.

"Come on, let's go, let's go!" Morales yelled, quickening his pace towards the steps.

Willow followed quickly, hearing Merle scream behind her. "Hey, you can't leave me here! I'm not fooling' man!"

The group was halfway down the stairs, everyone but T-Dog.

"T-Dog, come on!" Willow screamed up to him, hoping he could hear. Her feet didn't stop moving, carrying herself down with the rest of them to the doors Glenn had spoken about. More glass cracking and shattering was heard from the store, everyone's hearts beating a thousand beats a minute. Willow stood beside Andrea and Jacqui, bouncing Sienna as she began to cry.

"Come on T." Morales said impatiently.

The group grabbed the chains that would hoist open the door, listening to a car alarm blaring past the building.

"What is that?" Andrea questioned, hands still ready to pull.

Suddenly, more glass shattered, only this time the moans and groans of the walkers could be heard much clearer. Willow turned towards the entrance to the garage, T-Dog flying through it with his bags. "They're here, let's go!" He yelled, as walkers started to slowly pile through the door.

A loud bang was heard on the garage door, signaling the group to start raising it. Willow glanced behind her as everyone started throwing their bags into the truck, hopping in. She held her knife in front of her tightly, raising it and stabbing it into one of the dead's temples, allowing more time for the group to get in.

"Willow, come on!" Andrea yelled back at her.

Willow turned, throwing her things inside the truck as well, jumping in, just barely missing the hands of a walker. Morales quickly untied the ropes that held the truck door up, slamming it closed as Rick began to drive.

Everyone sat on the flat of the truck, gasping and sweating at how quick everything was before turning their attention to T-Dog. He sat against the passenger seat, holding his side, panting. "I dropped the damn key."

They stared at him in silence, not knowing what to say, but Andrea spoke to eliminate the silence.

"Where's Glenn?"

Rick wiped his forehead. "Got him a car to distract the walkers away from the garage. He'll be meeting us there."

"Where exactly is that?" Willow spoke out, untying Sienna's carrier.

"You'll see." Morales spoke before turning ahead to face the road.

-

Word count: 2,442

[sebstanaddict]

Love Song

Sebastian Stan x Female Reader Story

Chapter 18 - Go

Summary : A romantic comedy story between Sebastian Stan and female reader where we witness their journey after they said I do.

After a hard and unexpected honeymoon, reader and Sebastian finally goes back home to New York. But all their hopes of getting some peace and calm are squashed as they are still the hottest gossip the whole world is talking about. All the things that have been happening since their wedding bogged down in reader's heart and made her decide to do the hardest thing in her life. Will she successfully go through with her plan?

Pairings : Sebastian Stan x Female!Reader

Chapters : 18/21 (might add more)

Chapter List >

Warning : Death, grief, loss of mother, death during childbirth, divorce and separation mention

Word count : 6.3k

This is a sequel to my first Sebastian fic Always You. If you want to understand more about Sebastian's and reader's relationship, please read it first. But it's not necessary to understand this story. Check it here.

---

For all the love we've made

Just one thing stays the same

The lamp gets dusty

The pipes get rusty

But I don't want to wash my hands clean

You say you love me too

Then why won't you go through

With the nightly kisses

With the hits and the misses

If you can make it on your own then

Go if you want to go

But stay if you want to know

The way through the mess we've made

And lie in a bed you know

Or go

I heard your moving van

But I didn't take a stand

You can't leave with them

You can't live without them

I never thought I'd want to let you

Go if you want to go

But stay if you want to know

The way through the mess we've made

And lie in a bed you know

Or go

Go - Hanson

A/N : this song is sung by Zac Hanson, the real man that inspired Y/n's ex in this story. Just a fun fact 😁

---

Soho, New York - May 29th 2023 - 2 pm

"Yes, it was all just a misunderstanding. We're not cheating on each other. We're happier than ever. Right, honey?" Sebastian turned to look at her, smiled wide, put his arms around her shoulders and squeezed her tight.

"Oh.. yeah. That's right. We couldn't be happier." She said, startled at Sebastian's sudden gesture towards her. She quickly regained her composure and gave the interviewer a smile that didn't reach her eyes. 

Happy ever after. That was all anyone who got married thought that they would get once they exchanged their vows and said 'I do'. But she was sure anyone who got married didn't anticipate how hard it was to maintain a marriage. Well, at least she didn't.

Love. The sacred word everyone longs for. The word that some say was the reason God created the world and all of His creations. God's Love - infuses every being in the universe and makes sure every being thrives, survives, and continues to spread across the universe. How powerful the word is. How powerful the word should be and that was what she thought too.

She thought love was enough to keep two people in a marriage. But she realized how so naive she was.

The moment their plane touched the landing in New York several days ago instead of feeling glad and happy to be back, she felt a sinking dread in her stomach. The pap walk she did with Sebastian seemed to backfire at them. Instead of it clearing their image, it distorted their image even further with the image of the girl dumping an egg on her head spread around the world like wildfire. 

As she had suspected, they were bombarded again by paparazzis at the New York JFK airport. Some of the paparazzis even followed them to their apartment, hoping to get more pictures and footage of them after the embarrassing event in Rome.

For several days they could barely get out of their apartment without being bombarded and followed by them. Seeing that fact and how they had gotten a lot of pressure from Sebastian's PR team, they finally agreed on giving an interview to the press to clarify everything.

"Any comment on the charges a paparazzi has on you over what happened in Paris?" The interviewer, who was a beautiful woman in her thirties, turned to Sebastian.

"I just want to say that I did what every husband would do to protect their wife. I'm sure you've seen the footage. You've heard what he said to my wife? Right?!" Sebastian asked, releasing his hold on Y/n, his voice raised a little.

"Yes.. yes.. he called you.. excuse me.. a sl*t?" The interviewer asked, turning to Y/n.

She just nodded, avoiding the gaze of the interviewer. Not sure how else to respond.

"Yes. So, you see. I don't know what his problem is. It's not like I go around punching people in the face for fun. He deserved what he got." Sebastian said in a stern voice.

"I see. So, what's next for you Sebastian? There are rumors that Marvel thought about replacing you with someone else as Bucky for Thunderbolts. Can you share something about that?"

"The rumors are unfortunately true. But everything has been cleared up between Marvel and me and I'm still going to play Bucky. In fact, I will be leaving for Atlanta on June 1st." Sebastian responded.

As Sebastian and the interviewer continued to talk, Y/n's mind wandered back to yesterday, to the moment she finally decided to do what she needed to do later on today, or maybe tomorrow, depending on how resolute her heart is on the matter.

Her heart ached as she remembered it. She couldn't believe that she could act so well and play along with being fine in their marriage while in her mind their marriage was at the brink of sinking. 

After days of being stalked by paparazzis in their apartment and feeling frustrated and suffocated that she couldn't yet feel normal in her own home, she finally found an opportunity to slip out and get her mind cleared, right when the paparazzis were finally away from standing around in front of their apartment. They were probably away having lunch. She had thought.

She told Sebastian that she needed to visit her mother's grave. She had not visited her in a while and she missed her terribly. Sebastian had wanted to accompany her but she insisted on going alone. Besides, going with him would just attract people's attention. Just as they had experienced for several days. In the end he finally agreed and she left both Sebastian and Starlene back at the apartment while she went to New Brunswick, New Jersey - where her mother was buried - alone.

She laid down the bouquet of flowers she had bought earlier on top of her mother's grave and knelt down, her fingers traced her mother's name on the tombstone.

Y/M/F/N Y/M/L/N

1953 - 2016

Mother, wife and most of all, an amazing woman

Tears fell from her eyes as she read the writings on the tombstone. 

Mom, I miss you so much. 

She sobbed and couldn't help but sink down onto her mother's grave on all fours. 

Her mother would know what to do and what to say to her during times like these. She had successfully hid the turmoil in her heart from Sebastian for several days. But it all came out on her mother's grave that day. All the confusion and negative thoughts surrounding her mind regarding her marriage to Sebastian overtook her heart and mind and all she could feel was ache and pain. Her heart felt like it broke into a thousand pieces as she contemplated on doing what she wanted to do to their marriage. 

She never thought she would think about it. But, after all that had happened, she felt she should put herself first and foremost. She should prioritize herself. She was tired of sacrificing herself for Sebastian, no matter how much she loved him. And the more she thought about it, the more she was convinced that they just weren't meant to be. 

Right after they got back, she thought he was going to be more attentive towards her. Especially after what happened in Rome. But it took him only one day to fall back into his workaholic self. 

Apparently, the whole fiasco of him having punched the paparazzi had attracted Ric Flair's attention. He had asked to meet Sebastian, especially since Sebastian was going to play him in his biopic. Sebastian had asked her to come with him but she was still feeling tired and wary of being in the public eye. Especially since Ric was planning on calling on the paparazzis for their meeting. So in the end she didn't come with him.

After that he was busy going to the gym everyday as he prepared to play Bucky. He was also mostly focusing on learning his lines for Thunderbolts throughout the day, so that he barely had time to help her taking care of Starlene and Lucky. She couldn't help but feel neglected again.

She understood that he needed to prepare for Thunderbolts. But she was hoping that he would be more attentive and helpful towards her. Of course, she couldn't expect him to change overnight. His job had always been number one for him. She should've known that after knowing him for 22 years. But she couldn't help but feel annoyed at his behavior. Especially since they were going to be separated again in several days.

Yes, despite everything that had happened, they had decided to separate again during the filming of Thunderbolts. Having Starlene on set really was a distraction to everyone. And she wouldn't be able to get any help over in Atlanta to take care of Starlene while in New York she could ask for his mother's help or Shannon's. He had requested to Marvel so they would allow him to go back to New York every month, just for a weekend, and thankfully they allowed him. So they could still see each other regularly throughout the whole five months of shooting.

Everything seemed to be okay on the surface. But deep in her heart this was not what she wanted.

"Never settle for just anyone, my dear. If a man truly loves you, he would move mountains for you. He would sacrifice everything for you. He would do whatever it takes to make you happy, and he would always be honest with you. Remember that, my dear. Find someone who loves you as much as I love you." 

She remembered her mother's words on her deathbed 7 years ago. Tears continued to fall freely from her eyes as she remembered how her mother had touched her cheek gently after saying those words, and how those words were the last words she ever heard from her ever again.

She knew she wasn't just settling for anyone. Sebastian was the love of her life, and she was his. But the kind of life that he led was just not what she wanted. She felt she had sacrificed so much for him and got nothing back in return except embarrassment and anxiety. It was all too much.

She couldn't imagine being happy staying back home while he went out of town to shoot movies all over the world. She couldn't imagine the jealousy she would inevitably feel towards his co-stars, no matter how many times he would assure her that he would never cheat on her. She trusted him but she couldn't trust herself not to feel those feelings of jealousy. Moreover, the fact that they could both lie to each other so easily still bothered her. And something in her gut told her that he still hides something from her. Not to mention all the hate she got from his fans. It was like the trigger that finally pushed her towards the edge and broke her, more than anything else.

Her mind wandered back again to everything that had happened since they got married. How terrible things turned out for them. Maybe those superstitions were true. She finally concluded. And if those superstitions were true, there was only one possible outcome of their marriage.

The thought stung her heart again and she wept and wept. 

"Y/n?" a gentle male voice suddenly sounded in her ears.

She stopped crying immediately and wiped the tears from her eyes and nose with her sleeves. Feeling utterly embarrassed at whoever it was that caught her crying in the middle of the grave.

She looked up and saw familiar bright blue eyes. The owner of the eyes smiled at her. Showing dimples on his cheek.

"Michael?!" She exclaimed in surprise. 

"Oh, it's really you, Y/n! Oh my God, how are you?" Michael asked, kneeling down beside her and embraced her tight.

"Uh.. yeah.. hi Michael." She said awkwardly as she hugged him back.

What were the odds of her meeting another one of her ex at this moment? She thought in disbelief. But then again, Michael did live in New Brunswick, so it wasn't entirely impossible.

"It seems you're not okay." Michael said, his face looked at her in concern as he released her from his embrace.

"No. I've been better." She sighed.

"Oh yeah. I.. uh.. I saw what happened between you and Sebastian in the news. It must have been so hard on you." He said.

"It is.. yeah." She nodded and she stood up slowly.

"Well.. if you need anyone to talk to." He said, standing up as well and smiling warmly at her.

"Uh.. thanks Michael. I'm okay. I was just.. remembering my mom." She sniffled. Pouring her heart out to her ex really wasn't the best idea, she realized that.

"Oh yeah, of course." He nodded. 

She looked down and noticed he held a bouquet of flowers.

"I was about to visit my late wife's grave." He smiled.

Late wife?! She thought in shock.

"Oh.. I'm sorry Michael. I didn't know." She said, reaching out to touch his hand and squeezed it.

"Well yeah, we lost contact years ago. Of course you didn't know." He shrugged.

"I.. yeah. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I realize I wasn't the best boyfriend for you. So.. anyway, maybe you'd like to come with me and 'meet' my late wife? I'm sure you both would've gotten along well if you knew her." He smiled with a hint of sadness in his eyes.

"Oh sure." She nodded.

"Bye mom. I'll come again soon." She said, putting her fingers on her lips then putting her hand on her mother's tombstone. She sighed and turned around to find Michael looking at her sadly.

"Shall we?" He asked.

"Yeah, sure." She nodded.

He continued to walk and after passing rows of rows of tombstones he finally stopped.

"Well Y/n, meet Stacey, my late wife." He smiled wistfully as he put the bouquet of flowers in his hand on top of Stacey's grave.

"Hi Stacey." She said gently as she looked down on Stacey's tombstone. She looked at her birth and death year and was startled to learn that Stacey was only 30 years old when she died. It must have been so hard on Michael, her heart broke for him.

"Michael, I'm sorry. Do you mind telling me how she died?" She asked gently.

"She died during childbirth." He sighed. She didn't think she could feel even more sorry for him but she did.

"Oh.. I'm really sorry, Michael." She said as she put her hand on his arm gently.

"She died giving birth to two of the most beautiful girls in the world. My twin daughters, Michelle and Lily." He smiled but she could see his eyes watered a little.

"Oh, you have twin daughters? That's amazing." She smiled.

"Yeah. They're the best thing that ever happened to me." He smiled.

"Yeah, I couldn't agree more." She said, remembering Starlene back home.

"Where are they?" She asked.

"Oh, they're at ballet practice. They have a recital coming up in two weeks." 

"That sounds amazing!"

"Yeah. You know they're only 9 years old but they play Odette and Odille in Swan Lake already." He chuckled.

"Oh wow! They must be very good!" She exclaimed.

"Yeah, would you believe they started ballet when they were only 3." He said with pride in his voice.

"You must be so proud of them." She smiled.

"I am. Yeah." He nodded. He pulled out his cellphone and swiped on it. After some time he showed her a picture of him and his daughters. Both had long blonde hair and a cute smile, with eyes as bright as his. She couldn't help but feel touched looking at them.

He continued to show pictures of his daughters, from when they were just born up until they were in elementary school. He really was there for them. He was there during their kindergarten graduation, soccer practice, musicals, and their ballet recitals of course. There were also many pictures of them on vacation together. Just the three of them. Never in a million years she thought Michael would ever be a good dad. But here he was, having two beautiful little girls. And he brought them up all by himself. She couldn't help but feel a sense of awe and pride at him. 

"Anyway, I have to get going. They'll be finished soon." He said, putting his cellphone back in his pocket. 

"Oh yeah, of course." She nodded.

"Do you.. maybe want to meet them?" He asked slowly.

"Oh! I.. uh.." She pondered on what to do. The last time she went out with her ex things didn't end well. So she was really hesitant to do it.

"If you don't want to it's okay. I completely understand. You're kind of famous these days." He chuckled.

She sighed in defeat. "Yeah.. I'm sorry Michael. As much as I would love to meet your daughters, it's just not a good idea right now."

"I know." He smiled, understanding in his eyes.

"Well, maybe we can meet again next time you're around? And with Sebastian too of course." He said.

"Yeah.. maybe.." She said, feeling the ache again in her heart again as she remembered Sebastian.

"Okay. Well, see you around, Y/n. Take care of yourself." He smiled and nodded.

"See you around, Michael. You take care too." She smiled back.

He turned around and walked away, leaving her feeling a slight amazement at how things turned out for Michael. She never thought he would be a dad, ever, with him being so selfish. But, people changed it seemed. And she was happy that Michael turned out okay. 

He was clearly single and that made her think. He could definitely be a good dad to Starlene.

She quickly stopped herself at that thought and grimaced. 

Was she seriously thinking of going back with Michael and leaving Sebastian? What was wrong with her?

Sebastian's face came to her mind and her heart ached again. The love she felt for him was still there. But also all the anxiety and the feeling of unease and distrust.

All the things that had happened since their wedding came back to her mind like a freight train. Her heart felt heavy. But in order to survive she needed to do this. She hoped one day Sebastian would forgive her and accepted her decision. No matter how hard and heartbreaking it was.

"Honey? Are you okay?" She felt her hand being touched gently.

The voice brought her back to the present day with full force.

She blinked and turned to look at Sebastian, who was looking at her full with concern.

"I.. I'm sorry. What was the question again?" She asked, turning to look at the interviewer.

"I was just asking how are you dealing with all the hate you get from Sebastian's fans." The interviewer said.

"Oh. I.. well. I try to put myself in their shoes. Although it's very hard, of course. But I could somehow understand them. So, yeah. There's no hard feelings from me to them. It was all a giant misunderstanding." She smiled although once again her smile didn't reach her eyes.

She could feel her hand being squeezed by Sebastian and she turned to look at him. He stared at her as if the world laid under her feet and it made her heart skip a beat.

How could she still feel like this towards him after all that she had decided? She started to wonder if she could go through with what she needed to do. Or will she fall into his arms again and just forget everything and be under his mercy again.

"Thank you so much to you both for giving us your time." The interviewer said, smiling at them both.

"Of course. Thank you for being here. We really appreciate it." Sebastian smiled back.

They shook hands and soon the interviewer and the whole camera crew left their apartment. Leaving them to deal with reality again. At least for her because it seemed to Sebastian everything was perfect.

As soon as the interviewer and her crew went out the door, Sebastian approached her and gave her a tight hug.

"Thank you so much, honey. You have no idea how much I appreciate you doing this for me." He said, placing his chin on her head.

She took a deep breath and filled her lungs with his familiar scent. For the last time. She thought wistfully. 

"You're welcome, Seb." She said.

Sebastian released her from his embrace and looked down with his eyebrows furrowed.

"Sweetheart, is something wrong?" 

"Umm.. yes actually. I.. I need to talk to you." She said, pulling his hand gently and guided him to sit on the sofa.

"Honey, you're scaring me. What's going on?" He asked as soon as he sat on the sofa.

She gazed at his beautiful ocean blue eyes and felt the ache again in her heart. Never will she be able to look at him like this again. He would most likely hate her forever for doing this. But she had to do it. For her own sake.

"I.. " she looked down and fiddled with her fingers. She couldn't look at him while saying this.

"First of all, I'm really sorry for what I'm about to say. It's not you. Well.. it's you but it's mostly me. So.."

"Honey, what are you on about?" He asked, his voice started to sound agitated.

She looked up and decided to just say it. Like pulling on a band aid. The faster she did it, the faster the pain would go away even though it would hurt like hell when she pulled it.

"I.. I want a divorce, Seb." She said slowly.

Sebastian didn't answer right away. She stared at him and all she could see was the shock on his face. He looked like he was just hit by a car.

"Y/n.. don't play games with me." He finally responded, his voice shook.

"I'm not. I have thought about this a lot ever since we came back. I.. this isn't the life that I want, Seb. As much as I love you, I'm just not happy." She said with a slight tremble in her voice.

"You're not happy? Tell me what I did wrong. I can fix it! Just.. just don't give up on us, Y/n!" He reached out his hands to hers, squeezing them tight.

"Everything is just wrong, Seb. I'm.. I'm sorry.." She said, releasing her hands from his and stood up as tears started to fall from her eyes.

She started to pace the room as her brain tried to put together what she had wanted to say to him.

"Is it the fans? You can't deal with the hate from them?" He asked, looking up at her with anxiety in his eyes.

"It's not the fans, Seb." She sighed and wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Then what is it? What did I do wrong?" He asked, utter confusion written on his face.

"Seb.. I just feel we both want different things. And I don't see any of us giving up and sacrifice ourselves for the other."

"What do you want Y/n? You know if I can, I can give you the moon. Just please.. please don't go." He stood up and approached her, holding both her hands in his again. His voice trembled and tears started to fall from his eyes, prompting her to cry too.

"Oh, Seb." She sobbed and he reached out and embraced her tight.

"Tell me what you want, honey. I'll give it to you. I promise, I will." He said, his voice shook as he rubbed her back gently.

She sniffled and let herself go from his embrace.

"I'm not sure you can give it to me, Seb." She said slowly, looking up at him and placed her hand gently on his cheek.

"Try me. I love you so much Y/n.. You know I would do anything for you." He said, cupping his hands on the sides of her face, gazing at her with fear and anxiety in his eyes.

She gazed back at him, watching the turmoil behind his beautiful blue eyes, contemplating on what to say to him. 

"I want you.. to stop.. being an actor." She finally said slowly. 

Sebastian's eyes widened in shock.

"What?!" He dropped his hands from her face and stared at her in disbelief.

"I know you can't do that." She smiled wistfully.

"Y/n.. it's my job. I can't give it up!" He said, his voice raised a little.

"I know. That's why I said, I'm not sure you can give it to me." 

"Y/n.. I.. I can give you anything else but that. I'm sure we can work something out. Please.. please.. honey. If you want me to work less in a year then I'll do that." He pleaded.

"Seb, I want you to be there for me and for Starlene for a whole year onwards. You were barely there during our honeymoon. I'm not sure you can be there for us going forward if you're still an actor. I'm sorry." 

"Sweetheart, I promise I'll be there for you and Starlene. I mean, for Thunderbolts I'm going to come back home every month. Then after this I know there's that Ric Flair biopic. But Steven's a nice guy, I'm sure we can work something out. Just.. Y/n.. give us a chance. I.. I don't know if I can live without you." His voice shook and he started to cry again.

She knew this was coming. She knew he wasn't going to give their marriage up so easily. So it was time to put out her deadliest weapon. Something she hoped she didn't have to use because the damage it would bring to their relationship would be so immense that he wouldn't have a choice but to let her go. She hated having to use it. But in her mind that was the only logical thing to do. For her own survival.

"Seb.. I'm sorry but.. Zac kissed me." She said slowly. Every word left her mouth as if each was a bullet and shot his heart. She could clearly see the pain on his face as she said those damaging words.

"What?!" He exclaimed out loud. He wiped the tears from his eyes as anger started to color his face.

"Zac.. he.. when you were in Cannes, he came up to our hotel room and asked to meet me. At first he just said he wanted to give Starlene a good bye present. But then he admitted that he still had feelings for me and he.. he kissed me." She explained, studying his face carefully. Wondering if it was working. If he was going to let her go.

"That son of a b***h!" He cursed and he started to pace the room, brushing his hair in agitation.

"Did you kiss him back?" He asked, stopping to look at her with fear in his eyes.

"I.. I was shocked, Seb. So I didn't push him away at first. But I didn't kiss him back." She answered and she could see relief in his eyes.

"Okay.. okay." He nodded, making her confused.

"Seb.. are you okay with this?" She asked.

"No, obviously not. But.. Y/n. I.. um.. " he took a deep breath and sighed.

"What is it, Seb? Now you're scaring me." She said, wondering what was on his mind.

"Come here and sit down, Y/n." He said as he walked back towards the sofa and gesturing for her to sit on it.

She obliged and he sat across from her. Her heart pounded hard in her chest, wondering what he had to say. 

"I'm sorry honey, I really am. But.. the night I met Stephanie during my Bachelor's party, something happened between us." He said and her heart dropped to her stomach. 

"What?!" This really wasn't what she expected him to say.

"She.. she kissed me, Y/n." He finally revealed, making her feel a ton of bricks had fallen on her head.

"What?! And you didn't tell me all this time?!" She asked, anger started to creep into her heart.

Her gut feeling was right, he had been hiding something from her all this time!

"I'm.. I'm sorry Y/n. I just didn't want to hurt you." He said, his face fell.

She sighed. The universe really liked to play games with them. How could they both hide the exact same thing from each other? It was mind boggling.

"Did you kiss her back?" She asked as she prepared for the worse.

"No, of course not." He shook his head vigorously.

"Did anything else happen between you?" She asked, dreading what his answer would be.

"I.. I hugged her, Y/n. On the bed. At the hotel in Cannes. She was being suicidal, telling me that she thought it was better that she died. She scared me. I just wanted her to feel better. She asked if I could hug her, so I did. I'm sorry. And.. that was actually the reason I went out of the room. I didn't want anything else to happen between us." He explained.

She couldn't wrap her mind around it. He had been hiding this from her all this time just like she had been hiding the kiss from Zac?!

"Do you.. do you still have feelings for her?" She asked slowly, her bottom lip trembled as she tried hard not to cry.

"Oh God, of course not, honey!" He said and he reached out to take her hand in his, staring at her with pleading eyes.

"Are you still in contact with her? You said you wanted to help her find a job."

"No." He shook his head. "She said it was better that she was out of my life. And I couldn't agree more."

She sighed and felt relieved at his answer. But she was still hurt that he would lie to her about it. She knew she was being unfair because she herself lied to him. But the fact still hurt her.

"Why didn't you tell me this, Seb? I asked you if anything happened between you and her back in Paris and you didn't tell me!" She protested.

"Well look who's talking. You didn't tell me Zac kissed you either!" He yelled.

Great. This was what she wanted. She knew she was going to hurt him but she didn't know that he was going to hurt her too.

"I didn't tell you because you're so jealous of him! And I.. I didn't want to hurt you either." She explained.

"Well look at where we are now. Both hurt. All because you want so much attention from me." He spat.

"Seb?! I'm asking what a woman would normally ask her husband!" She protested, feeling angry at the audacity of him saying that to her.

"A wife wouldn't ask his husband to change a job he loves so much." He said with hatred.

"Well a husband should realize that his wife had sacrificed so much and all she wanted was just his God d**n help around the house but all he does is f*****g work! He can't even leave his work during their honeymoon!" 

"Oh you're going to play that card with me over and over again are you?!" 

"Yes cause it just seems like you don't get it!" She yelled. Her chest heaving in anger.

"But I have a movie to shoot in several days Y/n! I need to come prepared!" 

"Yes.. your job is always number one for you, isn't it?! Nothing else matters for you but your f*****g job!"

"That's not true! You, Starlene, my mom. You guys are everything to me."

"Then give up your job, Seb. Choose me or your job!" She yelled. 

They stared at each other, both sets of eyes seething with anger.

Her heart pounded hard in her chest as she waited for his answer. Moments went by and he just stared back at her with anger in his eyes.

She did it. He was going to let her go after all. His job really was more important to him than her. The realization hit her like a freight train and she felt her heart crushed again and again. 

In her twisted mind she knew she had won. But she didn't expect it to be so painful. She didn't expect it to open so many rotting secrets between them. So she stood up and quickly left the living room and went to the bedroom, slamming the door behind her, knowing the breakdown that she surely was going to experience.

She heard the front door was slammed shut and realized Sebastian must have gone out. All hopes of him crawling back to her gone in an instant. 

The realization crushed her yet again and she fell down on the bed and cried hard as the grief of losing the love of her life overcame her like a wave.

---

Soho, New York - May 31st 2023 - 10 am

"Do you have everything?" Sebastian asked, looking at her from the bedroom door, his face stone like, unreadable to her. He had Starlene in his arms.

"Yeah." She zipped her suitcase close and stood up.

After the world war broke between them they spent the nights sleeping separately. She slept in the bedroom while he slept on the couch in the living room. They barely talked to each other except saying necessary things.

The day after their fight she decided to leave New York and go to California where her father was. The paparazzis were still stalking their apartment despite the interview that they had done. It seemed they had sixth sense about the scandal that they really were in and they wouldn't leave them alone. So she decided to leave. She couldn't bear staying in New York while Sebastian was gone to Atlanta with those paparazzis still camping in front of their apartment. Besides, the status of their relationship was still unclear. She did ask for divorce but he hadn't exactly agreed on it. 

"A break." He finally said the day she told him she was going to California. 

"Let's have a break for now." He said and she couldn't agree more. 

So there she was on that fateful Wednesday morning, getting ready to leave her husband on a break.

She picked up her handbag, slung it around her shoulders and walked towards him. She picked Starlene up from his hold, finding him a little resistant on giving her up.

"Let me hold her longer." He said, holding on to Starlene, sadness in his eyes.

"Okay." She let Starlene go and felt the sadness too in her heart.

She turned around and picked up Starlene's diaper bag and pulled her suitcase towards the bedroom door.

"You be a good girl to your mommy, okay Starlene? I will see you soon. Okay? I'm gonna miss you so much my darling, little star." He said, gazing at his daughter's innocent face with love and sadness in his eyes.

Starlene put her hand up on his cheek and said "Da-da."

Her heart seemed to stop in her chest as she listened to her. After all this time Starlene finally called him 'Da-da'! On the day they were leaving him?! She shook her head in disbelief. 

"Oh my God! Starlene! Say that again!" Sebastian exclaimed excitedly.

"Da-da.. Da-da.. " Starlene giggled.

"Yes! That's it my darling little star! I'm your Da-da!" He said, kissing Starlene's cheeks noisily, making her giggle even more.

Oh Starlene.. how was she able to leave him like this?

"Did you hear what she said?" He asked, looking at her still with excitement on his face.

"Yeah.. I did, Seb." She smiled wistfully.

"Is there anyway you could change your mind?" He asked with hope in his eyes.

"Seb.. what's the use? You're leaving to Atlanta anyway tomorrow. We're still going to be separated." She protested.

"Well.. yeah. But maybe you could come with me to Atlanta? We can somehow make it work. I know we can." He pleaded.

"Seb.. I.. " she said, not sure what to say. As much as she wanted them to be together again, she really needed the break.

"I love you." He blurted out and she couldn't help but smiled wistfully at him.

"Love is not enough, Seb." She said slowly.

His face fell and it broke her heart. But she needed to do this.

"Okay. Then go. But remember that I love you. I said I love you no matter what happens. And that's the truth." He said, gazing at her with love and sadness in his eyes.

She took a deep breath and let it go.

"I love you too, Seb."

And with that he immediately pulled her to him and kissed her fiercely, startling her.

He kissed her with so much passion and desperation that she felt she was going to drown in him. There was nothing more than she would love than to let go and just sink into his love. But she knew it was premature.

"Seb.. " she said, pushing him away gently.

"Y/n.." he said breathlessly.

"Would you quit being an actor for me?" She asked slowly.

He didn't answer right away and that was all she needed to make her decision more resolute.

She pushed him away and dragged her suitcase with her as she walked towards the front door. Sebastian followed her quietly.

"I'm sorry.. Y/n.." he said as they reached the front door.

"I'm sorry too, Seb." She said in regret.

All the way to the airport they were silent in the taxi they were in. More than once she contemplated on just giving up and follow him to Atlanta. But she knew she needed to do this. She needed to be away from him and gain more perspective. Besides, she missed her father too. So as hard and painful as it was, she stuck by her decision.

They finally arrived at the airport and she stopped right before the entrance to the departure area. 

"I guess this is it." She said, looking up at him sadly.

"I guess." He said, his voice trembled a little.

She picked Starlene up from his arms and quickly turned around. Unsure if she could go through with it if she stared at him longer.

Before she could walk very far she felt his warm hand on her arm, prompting her to turn around.

"I love you." He said gently, his beautiful ocean blue eyes gazed at her. She could see a mixture of love and sadness in the depths of his eyes.

She felt her eyes prickled at the sight of him. Knowing what was coming, she just nodded and smiled, not daring to say it back. Then she turned around just as a tear dropped from her eyes.

She blinked several times to stop herself from crying. Then she lifted her chin up and walked towards the departure area with a big gaping hole in her chest and a feeling like she had left part of her soul behind.

Chapter 19 >

Taglist

@sebsgirl71479 @dhoruwolfie

[madangel19]

Ok. How many people are in Ghost? And do people know what they look like without the masks?

Is Papa (?) Pope (?) same person??? Same mask ? different names?

Oh man, there are a lot of people in Ghost, but currently, there are nine members of the band. Eight ghouls and Papa Emeritus IV. There have been many others, mostly those who played the ghouls, but they usually leave on their own terms.

For a long time, people didn't know what the band members looked like beneath their masks. They wanted to remain anonymous, but that didn't last long so now people know what they all look like under the mask.

All of the Papas are played by the same man, Tobias Forge, who wears a different mask for each character. Here's Tender Father below. He's a mad talented genius :D

Onto the Papas! There are four of them and each album has a different Papa as the lead. All of them are brothers with their father being this old fart, Papa Nihil.

He's the only Papa that's not played by Tobias Forge. I'll get back to him a little later.

This here is Papa 1, also known as Primo. He's the first Papa and he's also an old fart. All of them are old farts, but Primo is the second oldest fart behind Nihil.

I honestly don't know much about him, but Ghost started out with him with the album, OpusEponymous. He's crusty and dusty lookin, but the fans still love him. Also, the fandom has collectively agreed that he loves gardening due to a very good cosplayer playing around in a garden.

Next up is Papa 2, also known as Secondo. He looks like an older Pitbull when not in makeup (that's still a mask :'D)

He's the bone daddy and he's pretty intimidating with that stare. He was the frontman for the album, Infestissumam, which fucking slaps holy shit. I highly recommend that one.

Next up is Terzo, who quickly became a fan favorite as Ghost started getting more popular. Lord almighty, this man has most everyone in the fandom acting up. He's horny on main almost 24/7 and it shows lol

With their Grammy hit, Cirice, came the most wanted experience by many ghost fans: Being picked by Papa Emeritus if you're near the stage so he can serenade you and give your hand a smooch. Lord, I'd die on the spot. The charisma is dripping from those gifs, good lord almighty I think I need to fan myself lol

He was behind the Meliora album where it focused less on the devil, which was focused on in the other albums, and more on worshipping the self. The ministry didn't like this and Terzo ended up getting dragged off stage and eventually killed along with Primo and Secondo. Very sad :(, but next up is when things get very good :D

Before Terzo was killed off, we were introduced to Cardinal Copia

He is also a fan favorite and he became the frontman for the Prequelle album once Terzo and the others were killed off. It's very likely that he is also an Emeritus due to Papa Nihil hooking up with Sister Imperator when they were younger.

Anyway, back to Copia. Nihil didn't want Copia leading the band because he wasn't a part of the bloodline, but Sister said he was very good at his job as Cardinal and him having the second most employee of the month achievements convinced Papa Nihil to let Copia lead the band. Nihil wanted to lead, but he's an extra old fart and the band needed someone a bit younger.

So Copia became the frontman and he was goofy, sexy and fabulous!

He wore a lot of tight-ass clothes and he liked to ride around on a lil tricycle both off and on stage. He's the rat daddy :3

And then, everything changed when Papa Nihil died on stage and Copai just rolled out on his lil trike in this video where he became the new Papa. Warning, this video is loud, but it's mostly due to this one guy losing his shit

So, Cardi C turned into Papa Emeritus IV and he's the current Papa right now and I adore him :')

Also, with Cardi becoming Papa, he got plastic surgery (new mask), so he looks a lot different now without makeup. Still love him tho :')

So, Copia is still the frontman and he's on two albums: Prequelle and Impera (which fucking slaps). It's also very likely that he's gonna get killed off at the end of this upcoming summer tour due to this video

The fandom is scared for Copia because we have no idea what's going to go down on 9/11 and 9/12. Those are their last two shows of the tour and no filming from the crowd is allowed, so something big is gonna happen. I don't want rat daddy to die :'D

Anyway, thank you so much for the ask about Ghost! There's a lot of lore, but this pretty much sums it up for the Papas. The ghouls are totally different story since there's so many of them :'D

There are a lot of other explanation vids online you can check out if you want to look more into them

[slasherlouvre]

nsfw ask game !! 49. what is your main masturbation fantasy at the moment?

*For the nsfw ask game!

49. What is your main masturbation fantasy at the moment:

- This one's a bit embarrassing but,,, lately it's been cnc Lester taking my virginity outside like a wild animal wanting to breed 🤡. My car breaks down in the middle of nowhere, my cell phone doesn't have service, it's hot, and I'm alone, so I just start walking. The first person I come across is Lester when he happens to be driving down the dirt path I was blindly following . . .

He keeps up an innocent act when it's a whole group of people who've wandered into Ambrose to lure them all in, but me? I'm so obviously defenseless. So unprotected, and easy to take advantage of all alone.

And I'm kind to him; giving him the politeness and respect that should be standard when meeting new people. I don't grimace at his appearance, don't treat him like he's got a disease. Maybe I look like a city girl to him; I don't exactly have the accent, and I don't wear collared button ups or work boots with my jeans, but I was born and raised in the rural south, so I'm not squeamish about the whole roadkill thing.

He's nice to talk to, he makes me laugh, and I genuinely like him, but there's an instance where his eyes darken like when he looked over at Carly when she had to change her shirt. He forces the truck to a sudden stop causing everything to lurch forward, and for a second I'm confused because he's just looking silently ahead with that same dark expression when nothing's there. Mulling over what he's about to do. Bo would bitch about it, but fuck it. Bo was always having his fun, and it wasn't every day Lester met someone even halfway decent. There'd be no harm in claiming me first, if I was just going to end up at the twin's mercy anyway.

Lester would get out, round the truck, and pull his knife. Yanking open the truck door, warning me not to try anything stupid as he forces me down and out, onto my back. I think maybe he's going to kill me, and I struggle, but he's far too strong, and I'd rather not die by being stabbed to death if I can help it. He'd bind my wrists with rope he snatched from his truck bed, and drag me to the nearby grass among the trees just a few feet away from the dusty, dirt road.

He'd make quick work of his belt- unbottoning his jeans, and sliding his underwear down just enough to thrust comfortably as I try to recover the wind knocked out of me on the forrest floor. He's less considerate of my clothes; tearing at my jeans and ripping them off along with all the rest before stabbing his knife's blade into the earth, not far from my head as a threatening reminder.

There'd be a moment where our eyes meet; everything becoming still as I pant from anxiety, and he does the same out of anticipation. The moment's shattered when Lester forcefully shoves himself inside; completely bottoming out in one painfully intense motion.

I'd hear Lester moan in satisfaction. My mouth opening in a silent scream at feeling my hymen tear. Tears already pricking at my eyes from the unfamiliar burn before Lester begins to fuck me wildly without giving me even a single moment to adjust.

There's no point in screaming out here, no one will hear me, and I feel ashamed as I instinctively wrap my legs around his waist and hook my wrists over his neck. I want to keep him as close as possible so the intensity of his thrusting eases up, even if only by a fraction, but Lester takes this as reciprocation and bottoms out even deeper. His cock reaching my cervix, and his mouth on me- kissing me deeply, swallowing my pained whines.

He wouldn't fully grasp my position until he looks down to admire his dick stretching me out and sees the blood; effectively causing him to stutter still, and look up at my pained and teary face in disbelief.

"Hell, sweetheart, this yer first time?", he'd grin wickedly, "Didn't know ya was savin' yerself fer me".

I'd be trembling, clutching at his shirt pathetically in a silent attempt to beg for something I can't even think of anymore.

"Sorry darlin', I'll treat ya softer", he'd say before forcibly bottoming out in me once more.

I'd scream once from the sudden intrusion; my voice weakening to choked up sobs, but he'd lick away my tears, and kiss my neck like a man starved. Eventually moving up to my lips and telling me to part them so he can spit in my mouth. He'd be rolling his hips deep within me rather than thrusting which starts to feel good, and then starts to feel better than good, and I can't stop myself from shamefully moaning in pleasure as he resorts to jackhammering in me once more.

I don't care anymore, I want this. We're sweaty, covered in dirt, and made warmer still with the way Lester lets his body fully engulf me, but I want this. I begin kissing any part of him I can reach in such a manhandled position with my wrists tied and now pushed back above my head with one of his strong hands. Desperately keening and pressing my mouth to his neck, his jaw, his cheeks, until he captures my lips all over again. He's surprised. Pleasantly so, but surprised all the same. Did I enjoy being fucked like an animal, or was his dick enough to make me go stupid?

"Fuck, yer really gettin' off on this, huh?", he'd mock thrillingly, "Want me t'fill ya up? That it? Need me t'breed this virgin cunt?"

"Yes, I need you- ngh, I need you, Lester!"

It's begged, and it's the first coherent thing I say to him since he's claimed me. I find myself instantly orgasming around him; clenching him close, and trying to milk him for anything he'll give. My ability to speak replaced with delirious moans and a euphoric exhaustion now rendering my eyelids heavy, and my virgin-sensitive body limp and violently trembling all at once.

He'd bruisingly still my hips attempting to jolt away from his electrifying touch, and force himself as deep as physically possible before releasing directly into my cervix. I wouldn't be able to control the sigh that leaves my lips at the feeling of his warm seed filling me up; my legs tightening around his waist further still to prevent him from pulling out even if he wanted to.

Lester would remain fully sheathed within me to keep his now softening cock warm- his body weight completely pinning me down as he pants and catches his breath against my neck. Going so far as to even press a few thankful kisses to my skin and mumble out a few words I don't entirely catch in my fatigue.

However I do hear when he says, "Think I'm gonna keep ya t'myself after all", just before I'm taken by sleep. ♡

[alexisaflop]

On my mind - Steve Harrington x Reader

Been reading fanfiction, wanted to write something :) not what i normally do on this account but it's fun and I've missed it. anyway im a basic bitch who loves Steve Harrington so I guess that's what's coming first??

Set after the events of Season 2, after the reader saves Steve from a demo-dog. The reader is Dustin's sibling and chats with Steve whilst they wait for him to get ready.

Warnings: brief canon-typical violence, nightmares, literally just pure fluff

Henderson! reader, gnc! reader

2222 words

Had a lot of fun writing this, so let me know if you want anything else from this show :)

You watched as your little brother Dustin frustratedly styled his hair, rerunning the comb through and then inevitably changing his mind moments later.

"Stop watching me, Y/N, this is very delicate work," he exclaimed, closing the bathroom door behind him.

You receded into the living room, trying not to laugh at the antics of your brother. His crush on Max was cringy to watch, but it was classic middle school. Just as you had coaxed Mews 2 to sit with you, you hear a car outside, and shortly after the door goes.

"That'll be Steve, I'll delay him for you," you half-shout to Dustin, as you go to the door. He makes a disgruntled shout of gratitude in response.

"Hey," you say, opening the door.

Steve looked the same as ever, as if the recent events of demodogs and alternate dimensions never happened. He wore a simple red jumper that comfortably complemented his brown hair, that was - as always - impossibly perfect.

"Hey, Y/N. How's it going?"

"He's just getting ready, the suit looks good, but he's just, uh, perfecting the look. Do you want to come in and wait?"

He nodded, stepping inside, the wind from outside danced round him, his hair joining in sync, he was effortlessly handsome this way. Mews 2, seemingly instantly, appeared, purring and rubbing against Steve's ankles.

"Traitor," you commented, smiling slightly, "I spent ages getting her to like me, of course she loves you straight away."

"Oh, is that how it is?" Steve asked, leaning down, lifting the cat, who, much to your surprise, did not protest, "You would have thought that me saving your life and everything would have put us on the same team."

"You saved my life? Come on, Harrington, you know that's not how it happened. If it weren't for me, you would have been demo-dog food."

"Yeah, but that's only because I was only in that position to protect you anyway."

"Whatever, Harrington, I saved your life," you said half-jokingly, slowly approaching him.

It was silent for a while as you reached up and played with the cat, you couldn't believe how much nicer she was being to him. Up this close, you could smell a mixture of his hair product mixed with a seemingly natural scent of pine trees.

Unbeknownst to you, Steve was also watching you, the way your currently messy hair framed your face, and the slight vacancy of your eyes as you seemingly absent-mindedly petted the cat.

"So, how have you been doing, y'know, after everything?" Steve asked eventually.

You slowly looked up at him, calculating how serious an answer he wanted. His eyes looked into yours earnestly, almost intimidatingly so. Noticing you pause, he sat down on the sofa, just waiting for your response.

"I, I mean I'm alright, we all made it out alive - despite your multitudes of protest," you said, smirking at him, "but even though I know it's over, I keep wondering what if it isn't, y'know?"

He smiled sympathetically, it struck you again how pretty he was. "Hey," he said, you wondered vaguely how long it had just been silent, "El closed the gate, you know that, everything's okay now," his voice impossibly soft.

"I know," you nodded, "but sometimes, at night, I just see -"

"Alright, how do I look?" Dustin said, appearing from the bathroom. He paused slightly, noticing the intensity of the eye-contact between the two of you.

You smiled, "You look amazing Dusty, you know Mom promised me I'd get a picture."

Steve watched as you smiled and said this, noticing the easy switch to cheerful and supportive, all for the sake of Dustin. He tore his eyes off of you and turned to look at Dustin. His hair was teased into a curly copy of Steve's own.

"You look great, kid," he said, standing up with a grin.

He stood behind you, pulling faces to force Dustin to smile for a photo, before you insisted him being in one. After all, he was Dustin's chauffeur, and self-proclaimed best friend.

"Alright, have fun okay, and keep an eye on Will, yeah?" you said, dusting off Dustin's shoulder.

He nodded excitedly, already half out of the door, "See you tomorrow, Y/N!"

Steve followed, before turning back to you, "You sure you're gonna be okay?"

You just nodded, but something on your face must have been giving you away, because Steve tilted his head slightly, and those soft eyes of worry made a return.

"Yeah, Harrington, I'm all good, I'll see you around, alright?"

He looked like he was about to say something else. Right on cue, your brother called for Steve, insisting they were going to be late.

Steve muttered something about Dustin being a little shit, before half jogging down to his car.

You waved them off, before closing the door and sinking back into the sofa where he had sat moments before.

*****

In the car, Dustin asked, "Hey, what was all that with them?"

Not looking up from the road, Steve said, "what was all what?"

"With Y/N, you kept staring at them whenever you thought they weren't looking. I'm not blind, Steve."

"It was nothing, really, I just care about them that's all"

"So do I, so don't lie to me Steve, come on. I thought we talked about this type of stuff, now, since I love Max and all."

Steve could have sworn he sounded slightly genuinely put-out. He smiled slightly, "I just meant that ever since in the tunnels, when they saved me. They got hurt for me, and I feel kinda guilty about it, and then I couldn't get them out of my head. And they are beautiful, which doesn't make it any easier to forget."

"Hey, that's a blood relative of mine you're talking about there," he exclaimed.

"You did ask, and beautiful is hardly graphic, come on."

"You should tell them", Dustin said, "they'd prefer you were just straight with them. Plus, I hate having to watch you staring at each other, it's gross and distracting."

Each other? Steve thought, were they doing the same, and he hadn't even noticed?

"Fine, fine, maybe I will. But enough about that, here we are" Steve announced as he pulled into the school.

"So remember, once you get in there..."

"I don't care," finished Dustin.

Steve nodded, hyping him up, "That's right, you don't care."

Still unconvinced, Dustin checked his reflection, which Steve did not allow, as he closed the mirror he said, "hey, you look great."

"uh-huh," mumbled, Dustin doubtedly.

"You look great, you look great, okay?" Steve questioned insistently.

"Yeah".

"You're gonna go in there, look like a million bucks"

"YEAH"

"And you're gonna slam dunk"

"Like a lion," agreed Dustin, before making a weird noise with his teeth.

"Uh, yeah, don't do that."

Dustin nodded, defeated, and got out of the car.

"Go get 'em tiger!"

Steve smiled slightly, as he watched Dustin go, shaking his head, wondering how he became friends with some random kid. All because of Nancy - speaking of whom. He saw her through the window, talking to Jonathon. Steve leant back in his chair, and decided he was glad she was happy with someone else, as he pulled out of the car park, turning back towards the Henderson household.

****

You were still on the sofa, now curled into a ball as you read a book.

And then there was a knock at the door.

"Hey, Y/N, can I come in?"

You nodded, letting him in, he was holding a VHS and a plastic bag of snacks.

"I thought, if you can't sleep, I might as well get you to relax... if that's okay."

"Steve," you said, starting to say that he didn't need or have to.

But he shook his head, gently pushing you back into the sofa, he was warm, and even after he had removed his hands, you could feel a sparky outline of them.

"No Y/N, I owe you, you did, after all, save my life."

That got you to smile slightly.

Steve settled next to you on the sofa, a respectable distance, but close enough to reach out to him. You could almost hear his breathing, and you could smell him again. It was comforting, he was really here, unlike all the things you relived in the dark, and he was grounding. As the film ended, you realised how tired you actually were, and tried, but failed, to hide your yawning.

"So, when was the last time you slept, like properly?" asked Steve.

You just shrugged.

"Come on," he said, having switched off the TV, he pulled you gently out of the sofa and you both meandered to your room.

"What if you stayed?" you mumbled, you were almost embarrassed to ask him, but his presence was keeping you calm in a way you hadn't felt before, which wasn't something you were ready to lose.

"If you're sure, that's okay," was all he said.

You vaguely wondered if that was something he actually wanted, but you were too tired from your shift at work earlier, and then getting Dustin ready, that you didn't really want to start questioning that.

Steve went to the bathroom whilst you got ready for bed. As he washed his hands, he looked at himself in the mirror, pausing in slight disbelief that you were letting him stay around. The truth was, he loved your company too, like he had told Dustin, you hadn't left his mind since that night when you had fought that demo-dog away from him.

When he returned to your room, you were already curled up under the covers. So, he laid down opposite you, on top of the covers, but under a blanket. You were staring in front of you, your eyes vacant, as if looking at something that wasn't really there. But when he settled next to you, you smiled slightly in recognition.

"Hey," you said softly.

"Hey," Steve responded.

You really did look beautiful wrapped up like that. So, he reached out, brushing your hair from your face, when you didn't protest, he carried on. Slowly, he played with your hair, letting it run through his fingers. The entire time, he made sure to be gentle with you, just trying to distract you, as slowly, but surely you fell asleep.

For a while, Steve carried on, just looking at you, but slowly he fell asleep too.

****

Suddenly, you were back in the tunnels, you had reached the hub, and there was one stalking the group. It was staring you down. You were all alone and as it charged, you could do nothing. Your feet were stuck to the ground, it opened up its mouth about to -

You lashed out, swinging your arms in a last minute attempt to protect yourself, before realising it wasn't real.

Steve caught your badly formed fist in his hand.

"Hey, hey, hey," he said softly. He didn't wait for a response, just pulling you into him until your head was buried in his chest. He wrapped his arms around you, one hand resting on the back of your head, starting to play with your hair. The other hand slowly drew circles in your back.

You leant into him, letting him know he was okay to keep going, and eventually returning the hug, with one arm settling over his shoulders.

"You're okay, I promise, I'm right here," he said softly.

You nodded into his chest.

****

In the morning, you were both still entangled. He was watching you with an absent-minded smile on his face.

"Morning, beautiful," he said.

You hit him playfully, "oh shut up," you said, barely daring to believe this was real.

He was still looking at you. "I meant it."

"What?"

"I meant it. I think you're beautiful, I haven't stopped thinking about you since everything that happened. You're brave and kind, and maybe too good to your shithead brother."

You just stared in shock, you couldn't really believe it. Until you had seen him getting his ass handed to him by Billy Hargrove, had you really started to like him. But he had always been gorgeous himself.

You realised he was waiting for you to say something.

"Me too," you admitted, finally looking back up at him.

His hair was falling into his face, so you reached up to fix it for him. It was only then you realised just how close together the two of you really were. His eyes were on you, following your every move. As you fixed his hair, he leant into your hand. Neither of you could break eye contact, until his betrayed him, slipping down to look at your lips before flickering back up.

You smiled slightly, only drawing his attention back to them, as you leaned in, and gently pulled him most of the way.

It started off slowly, his lips unbelievably soft. And then he was pulling you close, one hand coming up to hold your head, the other sliding up your back. You wrapped one leg around him, each of you keeping the other close.

When your faces pulled apart, the rest of you stayed wrapped together. Safe.

You rested your forehead against his.

"Okay, Harrington, we're even now."

He laughed gently, before kissing you again.

[nalyra-dreaming]

hey! I just read your post about Louis and covens/family/court and I'd love your thoughts on how Louis is at court. Do you think he's social with the fledglings or only really hangs out with his loved ones? I love the snippets we get like Barbara trying to get him to wear non dusty clothes and failing, and noticed Lestat rarely names the fledglings if they're not relevant to him directly. Would love to know what outsiders think of them, everyone is so hyped for Louis to come to court and he then turns up and mostly wears the same sweater everyday while accumulating dust and gets named consort, but how do you think he is as a consort and how do you think outsides view him?

Hey!

So I sat on this a moment (as you probably noticed^^), because it made me think :))

First off - Louis at the court... is not the Louis now.

Louis at the court is Louis at the end of his acceptance road, after the big ups and downs. After suicide attempt and power up, and coming to terms with that and himself and his relationships to the others, and especially with and to Lestat.

And I think the books reflect that, too. (And so my HCs and thoughts have to, as well^^)

___

I think Louis at the court... is the calm presence. The one everything actually revolves around. You might think that would be Lestat, but it is not, because Lestat revolves around Louis. Louis is the one there, where everything connects.

He is the one who keeps everyone grounded. He is the one holding Lestat's hand when things get tough. He is the one holding the conversations, and drawing everyone in. He is also secure in his position there, then. He is the one who commands Lestat. He goes out to hunt with Lestat, or to stroll through Paris.

I think those "outsiders" (aka other vampires there) often wonder a bit, but then the Louis at the court is not a fleeting presence, not anymore. He might wear his old knitwear, but that doesn't mean he can be overlooked. He and Gabrielle are the council Lestat keeps (not Marius, btw, who has been tasked with the written rules, lol).

Louis is the one a lot of the others turn to, I think, if they need something to discuss first, before it is put before Lestat. And I think by the time these things are put before Lestat it is already decided. He and Lestat are on very intimate terms by then, I think they would be sharing blood regularly, to know what the other cannot say, finally, and as such the presence of the other would be palpable to any vampire within the castle.

Louis would also be untouchable, in a very real way. Especially after Roshmandes did. A legend in his own right, through fate, circumstance, and intent.

I think the Louis at the court would only do what he wants to do there. Given his stance on the dungeon on their food in the books I could also see him take one of those feeding rooms with Lestat, sometimes. Maybe even with a Fareed-hormone-infusion^^.

He would dote on Rose and Victor, probably wonder at this "version" of Lestat, regularly, and then end up digging into Lestat's soul through the blood for that version, since it's likely buried deep. I could see them travel the world together, or meet up regularly with others. Louis would be the one negotiating, if it seemed important to him... and totally ignoring any kind of problem if it seemed irrelevant to him. He would be the one to drag details out of Lestat to refurbish some rooms. And he would be the one to sit Armand and Lestat down regularly :)) - because he understands now. And he has accepted.

I think he would also go back to NOLA with Lestat regularly... and he'd happily wear what Lestat and Armand would buy for him (eventually), though never when they wanted him to.

I think he'd be... he will be... happy.