#i'll numb myself so i can have some peace of mind because oh my fucking god

[jout--jout]

Imogen went from feeling her trust was broken once the gnarlrock shattered, something that brought her an uncertain sense of relief, that made her not herself, that separated her from the last person she would want to be far from

to using it, trusting it, grasping it with hope

hope that it was enough to satiate Delilah's needs, hope that it could bring back the only person that truly made her feel at peace, that it would bring her Laudna back to her

[tsukidrama]

Thank you so much for waiting this long. I had a lot of schoolwork and tests I had to get through, so now that that whole ordeal is over I can finally respond! I didn't want to half-ass writing back to you, so I figured I'd wait until I well and truly had the time.

I heard you're updating TRNT tomorrow! I'm super excited to read that, especially considering we're getting a some redemption for Mr. Leonhardt. I've always considered him a very interesting character, though before reading your fic, I didn't particularly like him. I don't really have any guesses or predictions of sorts for whats going to happen, but you did say prepare for angst and awkwardness so that is what I'll do!

of course! i always understand when it comes to school. i hope that you were able to get through everything without stressing out too badly. i hope you get spring break soon at least. you've got this!

but also, same... sorry it took me so long to reply to this message, i'm struggling. i'll be okay. i hope you enjoyed the most recent chapter! i worry that it went over some peoples' heads though, or maybe i stunned my readers too much to speak lol

can he ever be redeemed? in my opinion he's always going to be kind of a dick of an old man lol but i think i can fix him. enough to make him a good father to Annie the second time around, at least. it's complicated as hell and hard to describe without reading the entire 17k word chapter

> What you said about fics regarding Annie not telling the reader about her 'secret identity', I completely agree. I always find reading them is gut-wrenching, but it's also a guilty pleasure of mine? I really like the dynamic and the questioning and the "will they won't they" element it adds, that is to say "will they work through this and flourish." <

> The shift at the beginning of the Trost Arc from hopeful to just filled with mind numbing fear... it fucked me up when I first watched it. They really were all just naive kids, especially the warriors, they had no idea what they were getting into or how bad their situation was getting. I can't even think about how destroyed, mentally and emotionally, Annie was after that. To have Marco plead with her and beg for his life, thinking she couldn't do anything, it must've been terrible for her psyche. Annie is an extremely complex and deep character, and I feel like with TRNT and Please Be, I'm learning more about her and her emotions. Sure, it isn't technically "canon" but I accept your writing as law when it comes to AOT. Annie returned to her girlfriend, built a farmhouse, and settled down, I think that's what she deserves. <

oh absolutely... that dynamic is what drew me to her in the first place. it genuinely just made me sad to think about her future while she was in the crystal, because it seemed so bleak. that's why i never wrote fanfic for her when i was younger. she's in so much pain and doesn't know how to deal with it. and i don't think she had time to truly process the reality of what she did or went through until the crystal, which is it's own punishment. but now that i know it'll be okay in the end for her and that she ends up happy in the cottage, i can bear to put myself through the angst of writing about canon-era Annie 😭

EEEE HEEH ASLVHBLJDS THANK YOU!! oh mygod this makes me really happy to hear, that your understanding is made better with my writing. obviously i'm biased but.. lol i also take my writing as law. i've said before that if you want something to be done right then you gotta do it yourself AND I HAVE. i might be a bit kooky but i swear to god i know what i'm talking about when it comes to complex emotions and character motivation. those who i love, i know inside and out. it gives me very specific type of imposter syndrome though because i feel like i can understand other people's emotions more than my own? does that even make sense?

> I think I'm more at peace with the fact that I won't be able to write all day, every day, and your words really helped with that. Thanks again, and I'm really glad you liked my fic! The long comment you left really warmed my heart, so much that I'm actually trying to write a part 2! Honestly, the first one was a bit rushed and I wasn't really happy with it. I feel like if I work on the second one a lot and I take my time with it, then I'll really enjoy the final result. As for the plot, I'm thinking it's gonna feature a few different moments when their love for each other is tested, but ultimately pulls through, giving them Annie the happy ending she deserves. I'm actually really surprised and delighted that you said we had many of the same ideas! We both love Annie an unreasonably high amount, I think. Though yours will be angstier, I am extremely excited to read it. Once again, thank you so much and I'm really glad you liked it! <

i really did like that fic! [linking it here] and now i'm excited you want to write a sequel! i support you in taking your time to write the story and vibe you want the for the fic. you're not on a timeline and i agree that you'll be happier with how it turns out in the end 💖 i'm glad i could help you in any way, it was my pleasure! it really is in line with some of the ideas i have for please be, you'll see. why surprised? you're a damn good writer, don't sell yourself short.

even right now while i'm not going into work and spending most of my time at home (to be fair i'm not sitting around doing nothing but still) i'm still not writing all day every day. creativity is a muscle just like anything else, you know? sometimes it needs to rest or you need to find inspiration somewhere different. i'm glad that you seem to be less stressed out about writing. it should be something that you enjoy and not a source of anxiety!

and i wish you the same! i hope to hear from you again soon and again i'm sorry for how long it took for me to respond. much love to you 💕

> I wish you wellness, <

> Pink Anon <

> (P.S. Tell Mars I'm really looking forward to the finale of The Infected! I'm itching to find out how it ends, and I really liked the last chapter!) <

check the comments for a response from mars herself but from me, hope you enjoy the ending! it's been a wild ride but i'm quite proud of her for finishing a big series like that. me and TRNT could never lololol

[jjmaybanksblog]

Good Old Days - JJ Maybank

Gif credit @toesure !

Summary: you and JJ meet once again after a harsh break up.

Word count: 1,982

Warnings: cheating, angst underage drinking, implied sex at the end. I do NOT condone the action of going back to someone who cheated.

You sat alone in a booth at a local restaurant, diagonal from where your friend Nicole sat with an unfamiliar boy. You had offered to 'be a look out' for the girl when she brought up how her friends had helped her get a blind date. Nicole had the fear that she might embarrass herself or something might go south, so you decided to lend a helping hand to calm her down.

You subtly flicked your eyes up and down from the menu to your friend as a waitress came up to you. "What can I get you hun?" 

"Just a vanilla milkshake and fries please." The lady nodded and took the menu from your hands. You reached inside of your bag and pulled out your notebook. Finding a pen, you began to mindlessly draw little doodles of whatever came to mind. 

You were actually enjoying the peace and quiet until the front door bell chimed. Before you could react, JJ Maybank took the spot right across from you. "Can I help you?" You scoffed, closing the notebook. 

"Nope. I'm helping my friend out and it looks like you happen to be doing the same thing for your friend too." JJ said, looking behind his shoulder to see his friend give him a thumbs up. You rolled her eyes, defensively crossing your arms.

"Okay, well how about you move to the other booth where you can 'help' by yourself." JJ dramatically put his hand to his heart, "does Y/F/N Y/L/N not want to spend time with me?" "The last time I was near you it didn't end well." You hissed. JJ immediately got quiet as the waitress came up to deliver your order.

"Oh! Would you like anything dear? On the house for the couple!" The waitress smiled, "oh no we're not-" "actually I would love a hamburger and a chocolate milkshake please!" JJ grinned. "Coming right up." 

"Seriously JJ why can't you just sit somewhere else?" You asked as you dipped a fry into the milkshake. JJ furrowed his eyebrows as he watched you take a bite. "What? It's good." You defended.

"See I could, but Steve made me promise to help him out. And now I get to talk to you which is exactly what I want to be doing on my Friday night." Sarcasm dropped from his voice as you bite your tongue.

"Well you can leave. You never were good at keeping promises anyway." You seethed, taking the cherry out of the milkshake and popping into your mouth. JJ became quiet once more as the sudden flashback hit him.

Flashback:

2 years. 2 years was all it took for something so positive and bright, to turn into something dead. 2 years was all it took for JJ Maybank to own, and then break your heart. 

You two had been dating for a full two years, both of you guys admitting you were in love. Making promises that you two couldn't keep. One of them being, 'I'll always love you.' 

JJ broke that the minute his lips touched some tourons at an end of the year school party. You had lost sight of your boyfriend in the middle of the party after telling him you were going to the bathroom. It took you 10 minutes to find him with the unknown girl. 

"Have you seen- oh." Your words slipped your mind as you saw a boy and girl break away from a kiss. Only to reveal that face that made your heart break. "I better... I better g-go." You stumbled over your words, your legs moving as fast as they could out of that house and far away from JJ.

You didn't know what to do, what to think, how to act, what to say, everything just became numb. Like someone had just ripped your heart from your chest, and dangled it in front of your face as if it were mocking you. So you just ran, and ran all the way to your house. Dried tears stained your face as you were panting, on the verge of passing out. 

Your mind felt fuzzy, as if it were an old TV and an antenna was knocked loose, like all you heard was static and a ringing. You shook your head frantically as you paced in the living room. A rapid knock echoed in the silent room as you let out a sob. You slowly walked to the door, your hand shaking as it hesitantly reached out.

You twisted the handle and pulled the door open to reveal a frantic JJ. "Y/N please let me-" "Don't even fucking start JJ." You said, cautiously backing away from the door. JJ walked into the house as he tried to grab hold of your wrists. 

You pulled your wrists back from JJ's grip as you began to have trouble breathing. "You fucking kissed some random girl. Who knows what the fuck would've happened if I didn't walk into that room." You mumbled to yourself as your head began to ache.

"Y/N you know I wouldn't do that!" "When you're in a relationship you don't fucking kiss somebody else! I didn't think you'd do that yet here we are!" You raised your voice as you paced again.

"Open your fucking eyes, it's so obvious I'm in love with you!" JJ yelled back, causing you to flinch, his breath smelled of alcohol. Your eyes suddenly fell to the ground, afraid to look at him without breaking down.

"You need to leave," your voice wavered, "you need to leave and not come back. You can't look at me. You can't speak my name. You can't have anything to do with me, Maybank. We're fucking done." You breathed out, feeling as though you had a boulder crushing your body.

"Y/N. I made you a promise that I'd love you, please let me keep going with that promise." JJ begged, his eyes burning harshly with tears. "You broke your promise, you can't come back from that."

JJ let out a sigh as his head slumped down, forcing his legs to walk out the front door, and out of your life.

Memory over.

"Look, this isn't a guilt trip: I just genuinely want to know if you dislike me so I can stop bothering you." JJ said, fidgeting with his fingers. You sighed as you swirled the straw around the milkshake. "I don't dislike you as a human, I fucking despise what you did to me." You admitted.

"I've changed Y/N. I haven't been with any other girl, I haven't spoken with that other girl since then. Please just give me a break. I've been busy trying so fucking hard. I'm doing the best I can. Please, please don't ask more of me." JJ frowned, his leg now anxiously tapping.

You let out a scoff, but you couldn't lie to yourself. You missed being with JJ, you missed him so damn much, but you didn't want to admit it. Your eyes flickered to your friend who was standing up and giving Steve a kiss on the cheek. 

Their date was over, but you and JJ sat firmly in the booth. "Let me just drive you home like the good days, just hear me out." JJ begged. You cracked your knuckles, a habit you gained after the break up. "Fine. But so help me Maybank if you fuck it up you will never, I repeat ever come speak to me again." JJ let out a breath of relief and thanked you.

You couldn't help but feel the tiniest bit of luck when he offered, glad that you chose to walk to the diner. You two sat in silence for a bit of the ride before JJ turned on the radio. 'Wonderwall' by Oasis played through the sound system, memories of this song hitting you in the face like a brick.

JJ began to obnoxiously shout the lyrics like he would when you guys went on drives together. He would roll the windows down, blast the volume and just let it all out.  At first you were annoyed with the boy, but as soon as he nudged you with his elbow you began shouting the lyrics as well. At that moment, things felt normal. Like nothing bad happened between them, and that scared you shitless.

When the song ended, JJ turned down the volume and began to speak, "you know, I never took your school photo out of my wallet. It's still there. And every night after... we broke up, I would just look at it and cry. Because I drank and I ended up losing the best thing I ever got in life. And believe me I know drinking is no excuse for what I did. I lost the one person that understood me more than my other friends, than myself. And I fucked it all up. And I know I can't take back what I did. Saying sorry won't change the hurt I made you feel. But I want you to know I'm truly trying my best to be a different person than who I was before." His voice was shaking as he found it hard to look at the road.

"I can try to forgive you Maybank, but that night has been burned into my memory. And it's gonna take a lot of time before I can forget it." You mumbled, looking out the window watching the trees zoom by.

"I'd wait 100 years if it meant that you would talk to me again." JJ muttered as he pulled into your driveway. "Do you.. want to come in? And like, catch up?" You wanted to punch yourself in the face for your offer, but again you couldn't deny how much you missed him.

JJ was shocked at your words, his mouth slightly open as he nodded his head. You walked into your house and to your luck, nobody was home.

You guys sat in your room, silence filling the air once again. You walked over to a picture frame on the desk and picked it up. The picture was of JJ after he had fallen asleep with his head in your llap. "Remember this night?" You asked as he looked over your shoulder.

"Yeah. I came over to make cupcakes for John B's birthday but we ended up just throwing flour and eggs at each other." JJ laughed loudly, remembering how he would find flour in his hair and ears for days after. "Then we sat on the couch and you laid your head in my lap. I played with your hair until you fell asleep and you snored so loud." You smiled at the memory.

"God I fucked up." He whispered. "Yeah. Yeah you did. When you sat across from me in the booth I wanted to flip my shit. I wanted to go off on you and say something like, 'oh fuck off you piece of shit. You think I care about you? That I give a damn about your feelings? Fuck off.' I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me." You confessed. 

"Damn Y/N. I- I don't even know what to say." JJ said as you faced him. You couldn't help but stare at his lips, the lips you craved so desperately. You hated yourself for this. You hated yourself for making this move, but you leaned in anyway and kissed him. You were taken back at your actions, but your knees nearly buckled at his touch.

JJ gently held the side of your face as he pulled back. "I don't want to hurt you." He said, his words echoing in your head. "I'm desperate. And I'm pretty sure you are too. This is a one time thing until you gain my trust back. But for now, just shut up and have sex with me."