#i'll transcribe more of this one it's really interesting

[lucky-clover-gazette]

so i know the amandafiles sneasler rant went pretty viral on here, but the real highlights of her pokemon legends arceus playthrough were her unhinged volo-related rants. this one is probably my favorite but there were many and i will absolutely clip and transcribe (not by hand i'm not that insane) more of them if asked

transcript under the cut:

Yeah. So, um, I'm just kind of leaving the scene of the crime now. And hopefully Adaman is still interested. That's all I have to say. Yeah, that's my statement at this time. Thank you. Thank you! Yeah, mhm. Bye.

Like, what. Is Volo gonna fucking pop out at me from the shadows over here? Is anybody around to talk to me? Like, about what just happened?

(Sees Melli.) Not what I meant, but um, you know what? Fuck it, Melli, guess what just happened. So, you know that guy Volo? Basically, like, we were talking, right? It was actually going pretty well. You know, just like this nerd, and he was like, so cute and so, like, excited about history and stuff, and, like, I was really feeling that, you know, and I dunno, he was, like, my champion. He was there for me when no one else was. He, like, picked me up off the ground at my lowest point. He was always cheering me on. He was always, like, hyping me up to other people. Wouldn't that be awesome, Mellie, if like someone ever did that for you? Not that that would ever happen, of course, but, like, can you imagine, like, someone being out there being like, "yes, like, that's the one, like, that's my girl. She's been doing it like, she's working so hard." That was Volo for me.

Melli, imagine my surprise when I go up to the mountain there because—we did this whole thing. Basically, I'm an important person. You wouldn't really understand. I, like, collected all these artifacts. I thought we were going to, like, do this thing that was important to, like, the history of the world.

But turns out Volo was fucking insane. And, like, no, I truly mean that, like crazy and saying he was like, a totally different person. He had been cosplaying as a normie the entire time. He's really a serial killer, I think. He's like a lunatic, right? Like, a cringey one. He did his hair. So he, like, is obsessed with Arceus. Right. The god pokémon. And Arceus, like—have you ever seen a picture of him? I'll pull it up on my Arc Phone real quick. He's got these, like, horns that come back and stuff. Bitch, he did his HAIR like this. AHH! I know. I got, like, a little picture of it. Look at him! An entire bottle of American Crew.

He, like, totally thought he ate that, but, like, he didn't. It looked so bad, but, like, that was the least of it. He was—his eyes got crazy. He was wearing, like, bright green capris and gladiator sandals. AHH! Melli, I know. it was fucked up. You know, it's like how quickly they change when you find out, like, what they really were after and what they really want. It was stunning. Startling, Melli, it's really like—have you ever had, like, an experience like that before with a guy? Probably not, since you're so insufferable and, like, you probably have never had anyone show interest in you before, platonically or otherwise, but maybe, like, read a book or something where that happened. That happened to me. That happened to me today.

I really had a huge crush on this guy. Like, to the point where I thought he was the one, Melli, I really did. I was like, ready to leave this whole place with him. Travel the world, and I won't lie to you, um… if he had been like, "Hey, you want to be crazy together? You want to be crazy with me?" I might have done it. I might have also tried that lifestyle out for a minute. I would have tried, like, the villain arc thing out… but lucky for you, it didn't work out. Otherwise, you would have been right on the top of my list. But anyway, yeah, I ended up, like, totally embarrassing him. We did a pokémon battle and he just fucking violently lost.

And then he teamed up with, like, the satan pokémon? It was weird. And they tried their little thing. It was cute. It was very cute. You know, I have to give it—it was camp, It was cute, it was like rehearsed. There was some choreography. It was cute, but obviously they lost horribly. But anyway, yeah, that's, uh. That's how my Tuesday's going. And I'm going to stop you there, Melli, because I really don't care. This wasn't an open invitation for you to talk. I just wanted to let someone know what had just happened.

[ecrivainalene]

Leviathan Panel at Otakon 2024

I was OVERJOYED to be at the Leviathan panel during Otakon 2024! I'll do my best to recap it below, but if you want a more coherent play by play, this Twitter user did an excellent job.

I've got a handful of photos, recap of Sharp Gender Discussion, plus misc. things I remember.

Not everyone was up for the entire time, but I snapped this photo near the end when everyone was on stage! From left to right: Waki Kiyotaka (Studio Orange), Yoshihiro Watanabe (Studio Orange), Scott Westerfeld, Christophe Ferreira (Quibic Pictures), Justin Leach (Quibic Pictures), Katrina Minett (Quibic Pictures), and Diana Garnet (ending theme vocalist).

New concept art! Looks like Dr. Barlow, Klopp, Alek, and Sharp, right before the Germans attack the Leviathan.

More under the cut!

Alternative shot of that art bc I couldn't get my lighting right:

Clanker and Darwinist technology designs. Watanave explained that Studio Orange's early days were spent doing contract work on Gundam anime, so I can't wait to see how that translates to the Clanker machines.

Some more concept art:

By the way, the entire series is being adapted at once - so we'll get the complete story at once! That in mind, the second image here makes me think of that maneuver near the beginning of Goliath to pick up the cargo.

Sharp!!! Look at them!!!

I don't have much to say about these but I'm fairly sure I hadn't seen them before. I am wondering if they downsized Alek's crew for the sake of the story, or perhaps we just haven't seem Bauer and Hoffman yet.

We got some new character art! The panel was very cryptic about who the character designer is. Apparently they're pretty well known, but they can't share it yet!

Volger I am so sorry your photo was unfocused. Forgive me.

The panel jokingly described him as "Alek's dad," which feels accurate. And maybe I misunderstood, but it sounds like he plays an even more important role in the anime than he does in the books. I've always considered Volger to be a pretty important character, so I wonder what else he'll do in this new series.

Klopp looks exactly like how I pictured him in my mind!! They said if Volger is Alek's dad, then Klopp is like his mom. Which is very fair but also made me laugh a lot.

Dr. Barlow!! She looks amazing. There was a lot of talk about the dynamic between her and Volger and how they're often playing mental chess games with each other. I'm really glad they're leaning into that dynamic.

And one more concept art:

This looks like the visit to Istanbul, which I'm desperately hoping means we'll see my favorite chaotic bisexual, Lilit.

That's all of the photos I have! They also showed us a preview of the show plus a live performance of the ending song with Diana Garnet. No video recording was allowed and I don't break rules, but believe me when I tell you it was stunning. The world feels so full of life and adventure and I can't wait to see the final show.

Tbh I was too busy holding back tears of joy but one thing I remember distinctly is there's a shot of Sharp getting ready for the day, and we see a sheet of paper with a bunch of names written and crossed out before finally (I think) "Dylan" is circled.

Which actually brings me to the Q&A part. TLDR, between the use of "Sharp" for Deryn's name, Scott referring to Sharp as "she/he/they" during the panel, and the scene I mentioned earlier, I feel really hopeful about how they're approaching Deryn's gender and identity in this adaptation.

I asked a question about this at the Q&A and voice recorded it, so I'll try to transcribe it here as best I can because the audio is not great lol. I stumbled through my question so I trimmed it down here but I'll transcribe the response as clearly as I can!

Me: I just finished re-reading [the series] for the first time since I was probably in high school, and one of the things that interests me about this adaptation is the approach to Sharp's character... I guess I'm just interested, like, was there a lot of thought put behind, or what kind of thought was put behind how to approach their character in the anime, I guess as a chance to re-approach the story however many years after it was originally written.

Scott Westerfeld: Yeah, there's a lot to that. The "girl dressing as a boy" as a trope was something completely different in 2007 when I started writing this than it is now. And so we really approached Deryn's identity as what was at stake rather than just... rather than just her being in disguise, it's about their recreating themselves and becoming a different person and transitioning and, and so... but it's always been interesting to me that the words that I wrote back in 2009, 10, 11, y'know, as an old guy who grew up in Texas in the 70s - who was David Bowie fan! - but otherwise didn't have a lot of access into issues of gender, I'm amazed at how many people have been [able to?] adopt Deryn/Dylan as one of their own. I just got an email a week ago from a trans boy whose chosen name is Dylan. So it is amazing to me how whatever imperfections or whatever problematics there are in the text, people still find their way into what they need from a character. And as a writer, I can say that I always respected that character, I always respected their choices, I always respected who they were. I never tried to stick them into a dress and have everyone go "Ooh now you're pretty 'because 'cause you're in dress!" We didn't do that, and I think that what may be important for people and I think that's why it's still what's gonna work here, but it's been fun to be able to update it and everybody on the team's been really great about understanding that.

TLDR I don't want to get anyone's hopes up too high, but I'm really appreciative of the care that's being taken with Sharp's story and identity in this adaptation. It seems like Scott and the others on the team are taking that into account, and I'm excited to see how it plays out.

Other random things I remember:

THERE WAS AN ALEK COSPLAYER. I took a photo with them but I won't post it without their consent. Just trust that they looked fantastic.

Scott said one of the first things he was told was that Alek can't actually kill Nikola Tesla because he's too well loved by people in Japan, which I think is the funniest possible reason for a change to be made in an adaptation.

Diana Garnet (they/any) mentioned how much they love Sharp (don't we all) and also how they used to work at a Barnes and Noble and remembers selling lots of Westerfeld books!

Scott said his approach in writing Leviathan was taking everything he'd always wanted to write about and basically throwing it together, because he was just coming off of the success of Uglies and figured he could get away with it.

If I remember anything else I'll add on to this post! Overall, it was a wonderful panel and I'm incredibly excited for this project.

[servndipityz]

I transcribed and made the newsies banner that they distribute at the end of the newsies 1992! Here's a pic, in case anyone loves these little details as much as I do :) I printed it out and it looks so nice as a poster!!!! Since you can't upload pdfs on tumblr, i'm uploading a pic, that's why it is lower quality, but if anyone is interested in the pdf, just message me and i'll send it to u!!! it took a damn long time to decipher the text and ultimately arrange it so it looked more or less similar to the movie one, but i think it looks really cute!!

[archandshri]

28th June ‘24 - [arch] One Page Limitation??? - My process for Traffic Zine #5

Hello All!

A couple months ago, I got accepted to @trafficzine, a digital anthology of pieces by a large group of artists and writers based on the most recent season of the Life Series. I made this piece back in April, but thankfully I kept some notes of my process. 

Heads up - this contains spoilers for Secret Life :D

We were able to choose our own prompt from a list! For this project, I wanted to push my comic making - especially how to communicate a lot of information in a small space. I went through and watched a few clips from the series to see which prompt would fit a comic and settled on Scott’s death.

As usual, I began by getting some reference images and going ham on some big paper. This gets me excited about the project and helps generate ideas. I go for whatever interests me in terms of medium and subject matter, but I try to use a process that doesn’t let me control too much (in this case brush and ink)

initial sketches for fun and vibes :D

During this, I also took the time to transcribe the scene - I wanted to use the dialogue directly, and see how much I could fit into the single page that I was allowed for the zine.

In these early planning stages I make sure to do warm-up sketches to remind myself of the energy I want to communicate. This also keeps things fun and fresh so I'm not ONLY thinking about page composition and making things 'good'. (the expectation for it to be 'good' kills a project prove me wrong)

Dialogue from the clip + warm up sketches

Next up, I started to plan what panels I have on the page. At this stage, some panels might just be a box with some words, and some may have a sketch if I have a clear composition in mind. This stage is mostly for pacing and plot, so instead of focusing on what the panel and page will look like, I will think about:

what will happen in the panel

it's purpose and

what it will communicate

Sometimes I'll illustrate a string of panels that tell the story and fit them on a page after - but this depends on the project and my confidence with the size of it.

After messing around with these and coming up with a pretty clear direction, I draw a bunch of boxes to see how the panels could sit nicely together. At this stage I might realise I have too many panels, and need to cut a few or come up with a creative solution. Nothing is set in stone at this point.

sketching panel layouts

Now begins the fun! I decide on the layout I prefer and I can start putting planned compositions into the boxes. I often do this digitally, or a digital editing process will be involved.

Once planned, I print these out to do a more refined sketch over. I find that my traditional drawings have a lot more life and character to them than digital ones, so I try to keep the majority of the process traditional, with passes of scanning and digital editing.

I tried a version with her looking out at the distance - ready to face the oncoming battle. But it still felt off. So I turned to my slides to ask myself some questions!!

I tried to think of more things that were working - but I really felt like it was lacking a lot. I was going for this slower emotional feeling because that came more naturally to me, but it just wasn't working for this image. The original clip is quite rushed and chaotic - which would be harder to communicate in a comic format but the challenge interested me. Either way, I knew I wasn't happy with this direction so... i decided to start from scratch! Back to the drawing board!!!

In the previous version, I had cut out a lot of the dialogue, but I decided to go back to the original clip and use AS MUCH as possible. Since passing the bow was my favourite part of that first composition, I really wanted to lean into it as the emotional height and final goodbye before Scott's death. It's a moment to slow down and absorb the vibes :D

I made a list of panels along with their descriptions to refer to when trying to figure out the order of panels. there were SO MANY and it was VERY CONFUSING when they were too small to read.

These thumbnails were super small and would not have made sense without my list, I swear.

I printed this tiny thumbnail out at A4, so I could sketch over it and get a clearer sense of flow. Then began a loooong process of printing out tiny photocopies and rearranging the panels to be legible. It was a difficult balance of communicating busyness while making sure the hierarchy/reading order made sense.

After some tweaking, i printed out an A3 copy to draw my panel borders and text.

Doing this on a separate piece of paper means I don't have to worry so much about messing up the text or borders when drawing the characters. This allows me to be more free and expressive with my illustration.

Woah! Quick trip back in time!! During the thumbnailing process I drew these warm up sketches! I looooved the way the linework came out. I drew this on an A3 piece of paper - and the shocked Gem would, in theory, be one of the smallest panels. So I decided to do a crazy thing.

I touched up the sketch digitally, compiling some of my favourite warm up sketches, some traditional sketches made for the panels, and filling the rest in digitally. Then I printed this image out in QUATERS at A3!! This meant the final sketch layer, printed out was A1!! (aka very large, considering the final file would be at A4, about 8x smaller)

I did this so I could get fairly small detailed lines with my pencil while being quite expressive and firm with my mark-making. Slowly, I dlined all of the panels traditionally and scanned them in. Then I assembled the finished linework on Photoshop, along with the text and panel borders and got to colouring :D

final linework :D

For colouring, I played a little bit with halftone but I found the texture made it feel a bit too busy - the panels are already doing enough. Because of this, I also decided to use a limited colour palette. Here are some images of the colouring process, which I won't go into today.

I'm really happy with how this came out - I think it captures the chaos of the moment, while taking time to linger on the emotion of it. Keeping that bow moment really made it, I think.

I think the last panel is still quite weak. Earlier in the process there was a low-angle shot of Gem about to kill Scott which may have been more powerful, but I think I was struggling with my actual drawing skill when it comes to perspective. A lot of learning how to draw, and in particular with comics, is about knowing where your skills are at, how to utilise them best and how to test and push them.

I'm glad that I started again, instead of finishing that composition I wasn't happy with. It was a tough project but I learnt sooooo much from it, and it's been essential skill-building for.... the current comic I'm working on (stay tuned!!! :0) Thanks for reading this incredibly long post! Go check out @trafficzine and look at all the other cool art Cool vibes and silly men,

Archie :D

[nyoomfruits]

"if you win i'll kiss you" from the kiss prompts !!!!!!

big MWAH smooch to @jennarations for transcribing that one interview of charles describing the inchident for me when i couldnt listen to it you are the BEST

“if you win, i’ll kiss you”

“Charles!” Someone yells, as Charles makes his way to the karting track in search of his father. He knows who it is before turning around, recognizes the English pronunciation of his name, colored by the hard tsj and lispyness of the s. There’s only one person who says it like that. 

“Max,” Charles says, tone even. Max is... An enigma to him. On track he’s fast, ruthless, annoying, snatching wins that were supposed to be Charles’s, hoisting trophies that should’ve been in his hands. 

But outside he’s. Friendly. In a very skitish way, like he doesn’t really know how to talk to people, like he’s only ever been taught how to race and never how to make friends. 

It should make Charles feel bad for him, maybe. But Charles is fourteen and he already has friends, and he doesn’t care for Max Verstappen and his million trophies and his bright fucking future. 

Or well, he does care. But only in the sense that he wants to beat him. Take his trophies, his wins. That stupid future WDC everyone keeps whispering about, despite him never even having set foot in a single seater. 

“How are you?” Max smiles, genuine and kind, and Charles squints at him. 

“Good. Fine,” Charles says. Maybe if he keeps his tone clipped, doesn’t ask any return questions, Max will get the hint and go away. 

“Are you excited for the race?” Max asks instead, voice eager, completely oblivious to Charles’s annoyance. “I’m liking Val d’Argenton so far, good track.”

“Sure,” Charles says, shrugs a little halfheartedly, looks around if he can maybe see his dad milling about, pretend he’s calling him over. “Excited to win.”

Max laughs. “Ha,” he says, “me too.”

Charles squints again. “Not if I get there first.”

Max’s eyes are twinkling, and he’s enjoying this, the annoying bastard. “Wanna bet?”

“How about,” Charles says, “if you win, I’ll kiss you.” It’s a bit mean, maybe. Charles has seen the way Max looks at him sometimes. It’s the same way Charles looks at the girls in his class. He’s not stupid, he knows what it means. 

Max looks like that now, eyes wide and a little startled, but interested, too. “Oh,” he says. “Yeah! Yeah, okay. I’ll win.” 

“Sure,” Charles says again. There’s no way. Charles won’t let him. Plus, he has no intention of kissing Max, so. 

Good motivation all around. 

They get called away then, and before Charles knows it he’s strapped into his kart, ready to go. He forgets about Max all together then, completely focused on just winning, all the way up to the moment he actually passes Max on track. Only then does he remember the bet, and he smiles a little bit at his double victory. Only one kart left in front of him now. He’s so close he can almost feel the weight of the trophy in his hands. 

But then at the next corner Max is back with a vengeance, pushing Charles so wide he falls all the way back to seventh place. He’s absolutely fuming when he finally crosses the finish line, pulls up beside Max to make an ‘are you crazy?’ movement at him. 

He can’t see Max’s face, but he can almost picture it, mirroring his own annoyance, as he pushes Max wide in retaliation and he sends him rolling into a giant puddle of water, soaking Max all the way up to his middle. 

In the end, none of it even matters. Not the bet, not the pushing, not the podium. They both get disqualified for unsportsmanlike behavior and then that’s the end of that. 

It’ll take a couple of years, before Max smiles at him again, says his name in that same way, with that same excitement. 

It’ll take even more before Max finally gets that kiss. But when he does give it, it’s not because of any bet, or because of any stupid jealousy or need to prove himself. It’ll be because Charles wants to.

[jewreallythinkthat]

Wait.

You blew my mind with:

“Canonically in Tanach, there is an admittance that other gods exist”

I didn’t know this! I’m agnostic, and not in anyway Jewish, but trying to learn more about peoples and cultures other than the one I was raised.

I always thought Jewish monotheism was similar to Xtian (if we can call the trinity monotheistic!) in that, there’s only one god and any other claims are people being mistaken because people.

Is this not the view in Judaism then? Is it like, there’s only one god Jews care about because covenant? Others exist and it’s fine for gentiles to worship them?

Hey Nonnie!

So like everything in Judaism, it's a hotly debated topic - and please other people on Jumblr, feel free to join in the convo! I cannot speak for all Jews so this is just my opinion and conclusions I've drawn from chats about Thai with friends.

There's a couple of points you've mentioned which I'll address (a bit out of order) if that's ok?

So about the trinity in Christianity, I've always found it a little bizarre as to me, the monotheism of having three 'aspects' of god is a bit ... Dodgy? I've never really been able to see how it can count as monotheism when prayers are literally sent to the father, the son and the holy spirit. But also, I'm not Christian and I'm sure someone may be able to hop in and explain how that doesn't count as praying to different gods!

I'm regard to the Jewish view of deities - I think a few quotes from the Tanach may be useful for this one. The translation I'm using is from Chabad online as I cannot be bothered to get my Tanach from the other side of the room and transcribe. Translations often vary a bit here and I prefer the ones I grew up with but the general gist will be there. I've highlighted the bits I view as especially important in red.

So first -

Genesis, chapter 1, verse 26

And God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness, and they shall rule over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the heaven and over the animals and over all the earth and over all the creeping things that creep upon the earth."

Genesis chapter 3, verse 22

Now the Lord God said, "Behold man has become like one of us, having the ability of knowing good and evil, and now, lest he stretch forth his hand and take also from the Tree of Life and eat and live forever."

I mean this, to me, implies G-d to be talking to others right? God says "our", as if more than one is there at the time, almost observing the creation. In the second one, again God is talking other beings which must be like God for they are referred to by the collective 'us'.

Exodus, chapter 20, verses 1-5 (the start of the first reading of the 10 commandments)

God spoke all these words, to respond:

"I am the Lord, your God, Who took you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.

You shall not have the gods of others in My presence.

You shall not make for yourself a graven image or any likeness which is in the heavens above, which is on the earth below, or which is in the water beneath the earth.

You shall neither prostrate yourself before them nor worship them, for I, the Lord, your God, am a zealous God, Who visits the iniquity of the fathers upon the sons, upon the third and the fourth generation of those who hate Me,

So this is where it gets interesting. There is specificity in the first line 'your God', not the God of other people but specifically the people Yisrael for this is addressed to them and them alone. This then is followed by explicit acknowledgement that other peoples have their own gods and to worship them is a BIG no no.

This is also where we get another famous antisemitic trope from - the idea that Jews think they are better than others because they are the 'chosen' people. This is, of course, bollocks. Not only is the 'chose' more like chosen to do the washing up rather than chosen as favourite, it is also specifically to do with the Jews as the ones with whom God, our God, has the covenant. We are the ones in the contract, chosen to have to fulfill the mitzvot. The Jews were the ones with the king list of things they had to do while others are not bound by the covenant and may do as they please.

Now from the Haggadah (which tells the story of the exodus and is ready during the Passover Seder) we have this - it's the section about the 10th plague so there is a lot of talk of death and child death.

As it is said: “I shall pass through the land of Egypt on that night; I shall kill every firstborn son in the land of Egypt, man and beast, and I shall pass judgment on all the gods of Egypt: I am the LORD.”

“I shall pass through the land of Egypt on that night” – I and no angel. “I shall kill every firstborn son in the land of Egypt” – I and no seraph. “And I shall pass judgment on all the gods of Egypt” – I and no emissary. “I am the LORD” – It is I and no other.

We have explicit mention that the Egyptians have their own gods. We also have the final line - 'it is I and no other' - why would God need to clarify it is Godsself rather than a different god, unless God I is acknowledging there are other godly beings? It's also worth nothing, the judgment and punishment on the Egyptians is not a punishment for worshipping other gods for the Egyptians never entered into a covenant with Hashem - the Israelites who built the golden calf however did suffer quite severe punishment.

If there are other gods, the others have nothing to do with me because theyre not the one my people have a covenant with. If others want to worship them, I don't care. It doesn't affect me in any way so they can do what they want 🤣

I also, from a personal pov, like the fact that this horrific thing, the slaying of the first born, would be performed by God rather than being delegated to an angel or a seraph. There's something about the big boss taking on the worst of the jobs (as it were) which I really respect as clearly God has emotions (from the line about God being jealous) and I cannot imagine that slaying the first borns (of all ages, not just children, it just says every priest born) is a task that would have been anything other than mentally destroying.

It's also important to note that I do not believe this happened - otherwise I'd not be so flippant about mentions of child death and murder. I view the Torah as the written version of the oral histories of the Jewish people, a tribe's oral history that like with many indigenous peoples oral histories, has been embellished and mythologised. It's a good story with grains of truth to tell the history of how the people Yisrael came to be, how our culture and people became not just a group of random tribes but a community with shared history and culture and traditions.

I'm never sure if I believe God exists. Some days I really do wish there ot be something else - often when I think about achievements that I've done which are the result of the help of family members who have since died and I like the idea that they could still be there in some way to enjoy and see how grateful I am for them helping me get to where I am. Other times, I look at things like October 7th, the famine in Sudan, the innocents dying in Gaza, genocides in Rwanda, Bosnia, Cambodia etc and I think "how could a god allow this to happen". There is so much suffering in the world and I cannot bring myself to believe that a god could condone that when they have the power to literally create the world, to strike Egypt with the plages, when they have the power to stop the suffering.

I'm glad that in Judaism, we don't focus on the afterlife in the way I see it centred in Christianity and Islam. I don't view the notions of Heaven and Hell as beneficial and while ther are notions of them in Judaism, they've generally very much sidelined and not centered in conversation.

While the beneficiary of help does not care if you have helped them altruistically or because you think it will help you get into heaven, the concepts of heaven and hell have been used to slaughter so many innocents in the name of religion and I am thankful that for me, I've never seen this in Judaism because the important stuff is what happens when you're alive. You should be focussing on the here and now, to try and complete as many of God's commandments as possible. What happens when you die? Well frankly that's a problem for you when you get there. (Obviously I know there are extremists within the Jewish world - ie WB Settlers - but they are such a small minority and certainly are not a major part of the history of our people)

Anyway, this answer sort of got away from me so sorry about that. I hope you at least found it interesting and enjoy the foray into learning about other cultures!

[mrsjoeythehurler]

When I Met You

(OC FMC x Liam Mairi)

All characters except for Aurora Sallow who is my OC and the FMC of this fic belong to Rebecca Yarros. The plot of Fourth Wing also belongs to Rebecca Yarros.

Content warnings: most of the warnings that are for Fourth Wing are also going to be in When I Met You. That includes: Blood, death, injury, violence and war. The only content warning I am adding is panic attacks (2)

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟAurora Sallow ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

"You had to walk that thing twice?"

Sawyer nods his head. "Yeah. Turns out that when you repeat a year, you have to repeat everything that got you in the Riders Quadrant in the first place. That includes that death trap."

We're still in the courtyard, waiting for further instruction on what comes next.

"Well, that's unfortunate."

"Tell me about it, " he says, rubbing the back of his head. I, uh...I haven't told my parents I had to repeat a year." He looks at me with a wince.

I give him a small smile. "Well, your secret's safe with me."

I know all too well what it's like to not want to tell your parents things. My whole life, I've learned to keep my issues hidden. Keeping my panic attacks on the down low and my anxiety bottled up until I was alone. My parents already had enough to worry about without me being a burden. They didn't need me to worry about too.

I see a flash of silver in the corner of my eye and realize it's Violet.

"Sorry, Sawyer. I have to talk to someone real quick. Can I see you later?"

Smiling, he nods. "Of course, I'll see you later. It was nice talking to you, Aurora."

When I finally make my way over to Violet, I tap her on the shoulder. "Hey."

"Aurora? What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question."

She sighs. "My mom sent me here. Trust me, there's nothing I would like more than to be with the Scribes right now. But I'm here."

I give her a sad smile. "My parents sent me here, too. I think we'd both much rather be transcribing books right now, though."

Violet huffs, "Tell me about it."

Just then, a beautiful dark-skinned girl walks up to Violet and squeezes her shoulders. "We made it!" She yells.

Violet gives her a smile, but I can tell it's forced, "We made it."

"I can't thank you enough," the girl goes on. "There were at least three times I would have fallen off if you hadn't helped me. You were right—those soles were slick as shit. Have you seen the people around here? I swear I just saw a second-year with pink streaks in her hair, and one guy has dragon scales tattooed up his entire biceps. Oh, hi!" She says, suddenly turning towards me and offering a hand. “I’m Rhiannon Matthias. But you can call me Rhi."

Laughing a little, I take her hand. "Aurora Sallow. But you can call me Aurora."

"Aurora and I were in the Scribe Quadrant together." Violet tells Rhiannon.

“Well, it's nice to meet you," Rhi says. "Now, shall we go find the dragon scale tattoo guy? I'm very interested."

Rhi loops my arm with hers while her other loops with Violets as we walk. I can't help but notice Violet doesn't look too good. Whether it's nerves or a sickness, I can't tell.

Rhiannon doesn't seem to notice as she continues talking and hunting down this dragon tattoo guy. "Speaking of which," she says, "We need to trade boots. There's a bench—"

We all halt as a tall man in a black uniform steps out of the crowd charging toward us. My anxiety kicks in, and I scramble to the right, taking Rhiannon with me in my haste to escape. I forgot our arms were linked.

However, she must have let go of Violet's because Violet smacks right into this guy's chest.

"Violet?" the man asks. He obviously must know her, and I can see it in his eyes. He looks familiar to me, too, but I can't remember his name.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He barks. He looks mad. Really mad. I take another step back, again taking Rhi with me.

Violet's still looking up at him, but something's not right. She looks like she's about to pass out. "Dain. It's good to see you."

At that moment, her knees give out.

I unloop my arm from Rhi's and take a step towards her to help when this Dain guy beats me to it.

"Damn it, Violet," he mutters while hauling her back to her feet and bringing her to the bench.

Violet leans her head back against the wall. "I'm going to be sick."

"Head between your knees." Dain says, "It's the adrenaline. Give it a minute, and it will pass."

Not wanting to stand here and do absolutely nothing, I take a few steps towards my friend to help her when Dain whips his head towards me and frowns. "Who the hell are you?"

I freeze. "I'm Aurora, Violet's friend."

Dain continues to look at me with that intense expression. "Listen to me, Aurora. Violet is fine," he commands. "If anyone asks, you tell them exactly as I said, that it's just the adrenaline working out of her system. Do you understand?"

I narrow my eyes. "You don't need to act that way with me. I'm not going to go around telling everyone people's business."

"You better mean that." He warns.

"He's one of my oldest friends." Violet trembles from her spot on the bench.

Looking between them, I sensed there may have been more than just friendship involved. But I didn't say anything. "Oh."

"And a second-year rider, cadet."

I want to laugh. He says it like that title alone means he has a reason to act like a dick.

Newsflash, buddy, your attitude and your beard suck.

"My knee is sore," Violet whispers.

And that's when Dain becomes even more protective.

After Rhiannon and Violet trade shoes, Dain asks Violet if she trusts us, to which Violet nods.

"All right." He stands and turns towards us. "I'm Dain Aetos, the leader for Second Squad, Flame Section, Second Wing."

Man, I hope I'm not stuck with him as a leader.

"Parapet should be over in the next couple of hours, depending on how fast the candidates cross or fall. Go find the redhead with the roll—she usually carries a crossbow— and tell her that Dain Aetos put you and Violet Sorrengail into his squad."

Well, that hope of mine was short-lived.

"If she questions you, tell her she owes me for saving her ass at Threshing last year," Dain continues. "I'll bring Violet back to the courtyard shortly."

Rhi and I both glance at Violet to make sure she's okay, and she nods.

"Go before someone sees." Dain barks.

Rhi links her arm back with mine, and we walk back to the courtyard.

"He's… kinda intense, isn't he." She says to me as we continue walking.

"More like annoying," I say.

Violet's oldest friend or not, I didn't like Dain Aetos.

10 minutes later, Rhi and I are back in the courtyard with no sign of Violet anywhere.

"Do you think Violet's okay?" I asked Rhi. "She really didn't look too good."

Rhi looks over at me and gives me a small smile. "She'll be okay. I have full faith that she'll be okay. It really could have been just the adrenaline, as Dain said. The parapet is no joke, as you obviously know."

She's right. She has to be right. Violet will be okay.

A couple minutes later, a girl comes over and introduces herself. Her name's Tara and I can tell by the way Rhi is looking at her and the way she's soaking up everything Tara's saying that she's definitely interested in her.

Letting them talk, I take in my surroundings and freeze.

Standing not ten feet away is the most beautiful boy I've ever seen.

And he was staring right at me.

With blonde hair and eyes as blue as the ocean, he was captivating. He had a jawline I’m convinced was crafted by the gods and even though he’s wearing flight leathers, It’s not hard to tell he’s sculpted underneath. His arms were covered in ruins, which means he’s a marked one—

"There you are!" Rhi shouts, bringing my attention back to her.

We both see Violet and rush over to her.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟLiam Mairi ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

I couldn't look away.

I know Xaden needed my undivided attention, but I couldn't help it being elsewhere.

Gods, this girl was beautiful. Long brown wavy hair that reaches her mid back, big brown eyes I could get lost in, pink-tinted lips.

She was the most stunning girl I've ever seen.

"Liam, are you even listening to me?" Xaden says, bringing me back to the present.

"No," I reply, not taking my eyes off the girl.

"What are you-"

Xaden doesn't get to finish his sentence because Garrick interrupts him. "He's looking at that girl."

Xaden scans the courtyard. "Which one?"

Garrick points at the stunning brunette, who has her attention elsewhere now.

When Xaden finds her, he narrows his eyes. "That's the girl who waved at me at the parapet."

Garrick looks over at Xaden, confused. "Do you know her?”

"I don't think so," Xaden says.

Then his attention moves to the girl she's talking to. She has long brown hair with silver streaks on the ends. I've never seen hair like that before.

As Xaden keeps staring at the silver-haired girl, my attention returns to the brunette by her side.

And my attention stays there during Commandant Panchek’s entire welcome speech.

[chirpingfromthebox]

I forgot to post about this back when it came out. But this was an interview with two prominent figures from the management side of the PWHL from a few days back. I was expecting it to be a bit dry, but they actually address quite a few prominent questions.

I was originally going to skip doing this one as it's somewhat long, but I've been seeing a number of things they talked about coming up in discussions here, so I thought y'all might be interested to hear what they have to say.

I'll transcribe what I personally found to be the most interesting elements that came up, but know I'll be cutting down some of the remarks and only doing some of the questions, so definitely watch the video for the full story.

Since this is already going to be a massive post I'll spare you my musings on the answers.

Transcriptions of some of the questions under the break.

At the table are Senior Vice President of Hockey Operations Jayna Hefford & Advisory Board Member Stan Kasten.

And I believe this was after Game 2 of the finals and before the start of Game 3.

For context on who these two are in a bigger picture, what little I know is:

Jayna Hefford is a HIGHLY successful and influential former Canadian hockey player who's been working in the field of women's hockey ever since she retired from playing. If I tried to sum up her career we'd be here all day, so let's just say she's in the Hockey Hall of Fame for a reason.

Stan Kasten comes from a background of running/managing large sports teams, though mostly baseball. He is even the current president of the Los Angeles Dodgers and also one of the co-owners. He seems to have had a brief foray into hockey as the president of the NHL's Atlanta Thrashers for a few years. The Thrashers no longer exist and I think they moved and became what are now the Jets? (I dunno, I shouldn't be your source for NHL history, that's for sure.)

--------------- INTRODUCTIONS ---------------

STAN KASTEN: I can’t describe the pleasure this is for me to be here [at the Xcel Energy Center in Minnesota]. The last time I was here I told you that I thought that day, the 13,000*, really convinced us that we were going to make this work.

[* the first home game for Minnesota had an attendance of 13,316.]

But even then I couldn’t have imagined how the year would play out. How we would set attendance records, sponsorship records, and viewing records. So our media strategy was a success. But of course the thing that made it work, really, was what I said opening day: we got the hockey right.

And that’s because of Jayna [Hefford] and her staff. You know, we didn’t know our playoffs ‘til after the last game on the last day. Who could have imagined that we’d put together a system that would've worked out that perfectly. You see how close and competitive the playoffs have been. And as exciting as this is for all of us, we can’t wait to get started on year 2, because we know with all Summer to prepare, it’s gonna be even better.

JAYNA HEFFORD: When we kicked off this league we had a few goals and—at least on the hockey side—one of them was to create parity across the league. And through the draft and the player dispersal, the player signings that we put in place, we were able to do that.

And to Stan’s point, I don’t think we could have wrote the script any better the way it played out and came down to the last game of the regular season to decide who was in the playoffs. We certainly achieved that.

Secondly, innovation and creativity was a priority for us. We wanted to find ways to improve the game. To make it more engaging for fans, to make it fun. We didn’t want to change hockey in the traditionalism of hockey, but we wanted to do things a little bit differently.

So implementing the Jailbreak rule, implementing the pick your own opponent, the Gold Plan*. All of those things are new. But I think right now, and of course we’re going to debrief post-season, but right now the response from all of those things has been overwhelmingly positive. So we will continue to try to be creative and think outside the box and present the game in new ways to people.

[* It didn’t come into play this season, so in case anyone isn’t familiar: The Gold Plan is the system by which after a team is out of contention for the playoffs during the regular season, any wins they get would be factored into where they’d be placed in the draft order for next season. It was designed to be an incentive for teams out of the running to still play their hardest and strive for wins.]

...

So excited to be here now for the next two or three games. And really it’s been a remarkable, amazing journey this last number of years, but really this last 8 or 9 months. And as Stan said, I don’t think I could have envisioned this playing out the way it did. The excitement around this, and the response from our fans, and response from media. So we’re just thrilled with where it’s at and I know this is gonna wrap up in a really great way in the next number of days.

...

--------------- LOOKING AHEAD, WHAT ARE THE CHANGES/CHALLENGES FOR NEXT YEAR? ---------------

STAN: We didn’t have our business staff in place until about 60 days before the season started. So we have a lot we can still do.

The most obvious one was merchandise. Having, you know, the amount of inventory that we needed was a challenge for us. Getting an online business started, in two countries, that was a challenge. So all these two country problems are different than other leagues.

By the end of the season we did really well on merchandise. But we have more coming and more designs and greater inventory. The one good thing is that we sold everything that we could make. I mean, it was just flying off the shelves when we could get it to arenas. And the online business has been strong also. Those things are challenging when they’re start-ups, and as I said, they’re start-ups in two countries, so we know how to do it now. It’s gonna get a lot better going forward.

JAYNA: And I think what everybody is waiting for is names and logos. So that’s one big thing that’s coming. So I think that’ll be really exciting to be able to build those brands and make those brands significant in the markets and communities we’re in.

STAN: It’s interesting how the name thing played out. We did not start out to do that, but because the lead time required in these things, we just thought it was better to just skip that for now and just go with: PWHL and the location.

And that has had an amazing unintended consequence of anytime anyone has talked about any of our teams all year, you had to say “PWHL.” So our league has gotten more exposure in the first year of its existence than any league in history ‘cause they kept repeating our name.

Again, we didn’t plan it that way; it just worked out that way. And it was about mid-season that I started hearing from fans and players, “You know, we kinda like the name the way it is.”

We’re gonna have team names. And I invite people to adopt those names too. But you can feel free to continue to call it what you’ve always called it. And we will be selling merchandise with both of those names. So these names aren’t going away because they have become popular. But for those of you who like team names, we’ll be addressing that as well.

...

JAYNA: ...Of course we feel like we have incredible talent on the ice every night now, but putting the best on the ice is about putting the best on the ice. And we know there’s a number of incoming players. So it will get more challenging. Good players will have a hard time making this league. But when you think about the product we’re gonna put on the ice? It’s gonna continue to get significantly better every single year as we welcome in newer and younger players. Then at some point we’ll look to add teams, when that depth of talent is at the right place in our minds. But right now it’s just exciting to look at all the new and fresh talent that’s going to step in.

--------------- WHAT CAN YOU DO TO IMPROVE DIVERSITY AND ATTRACT MORE BLACK FANS TO THE GAMES? ---------------

JAYNA: I think the first thing is representation. And we have some incredible athletes in our league that continue to be great role models, be active in their communities. And when you think of Sophie Jaques and Sarah Nurse and players that continue to give back and become something that young girls can look up to? I think all of our players do that for a lot of different communities of people.

And I think the one thing that’s really special about our league is- I feel it every game I’m at, it doesn’t matter what market we’re in, is that there’s a sense of inclusivity in our buildings. People are here and they’re excited and they’re happy and they feel welcome, regardless of who they are. And they feel free to be themselves. I’ve talked to many, many people that have never felt this way in a hockey rink. So we’ll continue to do that on the culture side.

I think what we want to do is continue to grow the game for young girls and I don’t think there’s any limits on who those young girls are. We want people to fall in love with the game. And I think we approach our business side and staffing side the same way. We want to bring people in who love the game and we want to bring people in that represent different communities.

--------------- WHAT ARE THE PLANS FOR NEW YORK TO POSSIBLY PLAY IN ONE VENUE INSTEAD OF THE THREE OR FOUR THEY USED THIS SEASON? ---------------

STAN: When the season is over we’re gonna review everything. Every city, every venue that we’re in, and we’re going to try to improve. We’re aware of the New York situation. It wasn’t ideal this year. But we’ll see what ways we can improve the situation. We’re not ready to say here today which way we’re going to go or what we’re going to do. But I can tell you that certainly one of the things we’re going to spend a lot of time looking at.

REPORTER: What do you guys think is the ideal venue situation?

STAN: The ideal venue situation is to play in the biggest NHL venue in every city. And merit playing there. We’re not always there yet in every market. But in big markets, as you might know, the big venues are there because there are a lot of events and a lot of teams in those cities. That gets into availabilities. We don’t want to be in a big venue, but have to play on a Tuesday morning, right? We wanna play on weekend nights or nights in general.

So it’s a complicated matrix of considerations that goes into where we choose to play, when we choose to play, what’s good for the team, what’s good for the visiting team, how we travel. It’s complicated.

It’s complicated with 6, it’ll be more complicated the bigger we grow and the more games we have. Those will be good problems, but we don’t ignore it. We’re thinking about all of it. And you saw in this year when we found an opportunity that we thought would work for our fans in cities where we could go to big venues, we did it. I would call them experiments and in general I’d say those experiments were all wildly successful.

--------------- WHEN CAN WE EXPECT NAMES AND LOGOS? ---------------

STAN: Sometime this Summer. I don’t have an exact time, but you should be counting the days.

--------------- HOW DID THE GATE RECEIPT REVENUE COMPARE TO WHAT YOU EXPECTED? ---------------

STAN: I will tell you that, yes, it exceeded what we thought we were going to- it exceeded our early projections. But that’s partially because we made the strategy decision to also greatly exceed our expected expenses.

Let me give you an example. You know how women’s hockey games have been broadcast in the past, right? Single camera from upstairs. It isn’t what we chose to do. We made the conscious choice to spend a lot of money to make it a major league professional broadcast. And I think all of you who watched our games would agree. That’s what we delivered. It was expensive. But we think it’s gonna pay off for us in the long run.

Additionally we didn’t hire three people and slowly build each franchise. We went right to 120 people by opening day and now we’re over 200 people. So that was a lot of expense that we didn’t expect right away, but we said, “you know what? We’re all in. So let’s do year 4 expenses in year 1.”

So yeah, and that resulted in a lot more revenue. And that’s why we think our decision to invest in the league, which is what I call expenses, was the right one. We’re on the right track. The investments we made are paying off.

--------------- WHAT CAN YOU TELL US ABOUT NEXT SEASON’S SCHEDULE, NUMBER OF GAMES, AND POSSIBLE NEUTRAL-SITE GAMES? ---------------

JAYNA: Well, in terms of number of games the league will go up to 30. And that’s in our CBA that 24 regular games in the inaugural season will move to a minimum of 30 next year. In terms of neutral site games, we do expect that there will be more of those next season. I don’t have a timeline for our schedule to be done yet, but we do expect more games, more neutral-site games next season.

--------------- WHAT WAS THE CONSENSUS ON THE OFFICIATING THIS SEASON IN THE LEAGUE? ---------------

JAYNA: I don’t know if you’ll ever get a collection of people that all agree on officiating in any sport, in any league. So we’re actually really happy with where we’re at.

We set out initially to find the best officials we could find. We worked closely with the NHL, the AHL, Hockey Canada, USA Hockey, to select the top officials. We obviously also adjusted the standard of play to this league. It’s not full body checking, but there is an increased level of physicality in the game. So I think we spent the early months of the season really trying to figure out where that line is and get people comfortable with it.

Now where we’re at I think players have figured it out to some extent. Of course not everyone’s going to agree on that. But the way I see the players playing the game now, and their awareness of positions they’re in, and to be ready for that physicality has changed. So, are we right there? We’re probably not right there yet. But we’re really happy with where we’re at, we think the officials have done an incredible job in the league this season.

--------------- ARE THERE PLANS FOR DRAFTED PLAYERS WHO MIGHT NOT MAKE THE PWHL ROSTERS? ---------------

JAYNA: I think trying to figure out what the right solution for that is in the short term is at the top of our list of things to do. You know, building one league in 9 months, but to build a whole ecosystem for hockey? It’s just not something that we can do right now. But we are thinking creatively around places that players could play if they don’t end up on our 23 or 26 player rosters next season. So it’s a bit of a work in progress. But in speaking to number of stakeholders there’s many many people that want to figure out a solution to this so that we can keep more women in playing the game at the highest level.

--------------- DO YOU LOOK AT THE LEAGUE AS A “WOMEN’S SPORTS” SUCCESS STORY OR HAS IT MOVED BEYOND THAT? ---------------

JAYNA: I think that we are very different from most men’s leagues. I think we’re very different than many women’s leagues. I’d like to see us stand on our own as a sports league. But in saying that I also believe that this time for women’s sports and the success of one feels like it’s a success for all. We’re all big fans and collaborate with folks in the WNBA and the NWSL, and it feels like we’re all working together to raise women’s sports. So I don’t know if that’s an appropriate answer, but I feel it’s a little of both.

--------------- HOW DO THE INVESTORS FEEL ABOUT THIS FIRST SEASON? ---------------

STAN: I have one investor, he is ecstatic.

...

--------------- WHAT IS THE POTENTIAL FOR DOING A BEST OF 7 GAMES SERIES IN THE FUTURE? ---------------

JAYNA: This is a little bit like getting asked about expansion 3 months in. Great question. Would I love to see a best of 7 series? We’re sitting here 1-1, you know of course I would. But I think we’re really excited about the format we have now. This is new for women’s hockey. Even the best players in the world who’ve won multiple Olympic gold medals have not played in a best of 5 series. I think we’re seeing that it’s challenging. There’s a lot of travel, there’s fatigue, the volume that they’re experiencing is huge

So I think we’re really good where we’re at right now. Somewhere along the line I could see us maybe expanding, but again, year 1? The two best of 5 series have been a really great format for us.

STAN: And that comes from someone who’s won 4 Olympic gold medals.

JAYNA: [laughing] I’ve never played in a best of 5 series either.

STAN: Exactly.

--------------- end of interview ---------------

[sjsmith56]

Making It Clear

Summary: Bucky’s girlfriend reminisces about their relationship while he is on a long mission. She also recalls how one member of the Avengers tried to bring her down.

Characters: Bucky Barnes, named OFC, Sharon Carter, Sam Wilson

Warnings: Body shaming, self esteem issues, bullying behaviour, gaslighting.

Author notes: Set post-FATWS. Captain America 4 and Thunderbolts* have not happened. Instead, the Avengers were restarted with Sam and Bucky as the leaders. This happens a couple of years after that. A certain MCU woman character is the antagonist.

📚 ☕️ 🥙

It had been two weeks since most of the team went on the mission. Two weeks since I last spoke to Bucky. Two weeks since we last made love. We had only been living together for six months, six glorious months where I finally believed that I found a diamond in the rough. I was in love and with everything he said and did, I believed he was falling in love with me.

I'm not an Avenger. I'm nothing special, just an ordinary woman who was doing an ordinary job of working in a used bookstore in New York, one of two jobs I held: the other transcribing doctor's audio notes into a readable file, then uploading it into the healthcare database. I could do it from home, which suited me fine. One morning, as I was working at the bookstore, I became aware of the most beautiful man I've ever seen glancing at me as he looked at some books. Our eyes met and I felt a pull to his blue ones unlike any other connection I've ever had with a man. I smiled; he smiled back, then he smiled again when he brought his small stack over to buy the books he had chosen.

"Nice selection," I said, as I rang them through.

I looked at the hardcover illustrated one about the horse Seabiscuit. I thought it was an unusual choice, although it was a good book. He noticed my attention on it.

"I actually saw Seabiscuit race," he said. I looked at him strangely. "I'm Bucky Barnes. I was a young man then." He placed a gloved hand on the book cover. "It brings back good memories."

"You are really him," I stated. "You're different than you seem on TV. You're smiling, for starters."

He chuckled. "Yeah, I'm not a big fan of the media. Sometimes I feel as if they're waiting for me to screw up so they can point the finger and say I should never have been pardoned." He shrugged and looked around. "A bookstore is one of my safe places."

"$25.67, please. I've never seen you here before."

He offered his bank card and placed it on the terminal. "I only just found it this morning, but I think I'll be here more often."

Producing a cloth bag out of his pocket, he held it open while I slid the books and receipt into it. He nodded his head and turned to go to the door then looked back.

"What's your name?"

"Robyn."

He smiled again, his almost perfect white teeth showing briefly. "It's nice to meet you, Robyn. I'll see you next time."

That was how we met and true to his word, the next time was five days later, when he returned with his cloth shopping bag. I heard the bell on the door ring and got up from where I was rearranging a shelf. He was there at the end of the aisle.

"Hi, you're back," I said, saying the first thing that came to mind.

"I am. I finished the books. The Seabiscuit book was good. Do you have other sports books that might interest me?"

I smiled. "Well, I took the liberty of looking you up on the internet." He raised his eyebrows. "Not the bad stuff. The good stuff from before the war. You were a boxer." He nodded. "There's a book called The Sweet Science by A.J. Liebling. It was published in 1949, after you were declared dead, but it's considered one of the best books about boxing around."

I walked behind the front desk and opened the cupboard, pulling out a stack of books. Finding the boxing book, I put it on the counter for him. He smiled that brilliant smile again and picked it up, reading the back cover, then opened it and scanned the first few pages.

"That looks good. What else do you have there?"

"You'll like this one, even though most of the story happens after the war. It's called The Boys of Summer. It's about the Brooklyn Dodgers until the 1955 World Series. There's some criticism that it's too worshipful in tone but for a loyal fan of the Dodgers it's supposed to be an excellent read."

His eyes lit up and he picked it up, reading the back, then the first few pages of the first chapter.

"You're batting 2 for 2 so far, sweetheart," he said, then he looked at me. "Sorry, bad habit. I know women now don't care for those nicknames."

"I don't mind," I smiled back. "It reminds me of my grandpa." He made a face at me, which made me laugh. "I'm not saying you're old enough to be my grandpa because it's true that you are. You're just from a different time, that's all. It doesn't offend me."

The next book was The Natural, by Bernard Malamud. I described it to him, telling him it was made into a pretty decent movie as well. Sticking with baseball, I showed him Shoeless Joe, by W.P. Kinsella, and described the plot.

"They made a movie out of that called Field of Dreams," I said. "Whenever I'm home and it comes on, I watch it with my dad. Even though there are differences from the book it makes me cry every time." I put the final book in front of him. "This is No Cheering in the Press Box. The editor interviewed 24 sportswriters who were active between World War I and World War II. They basically just talk about the memorable sporting events and athletes they wrote about. Oh, and there was a movie about Seabiscuit based on the book you bought but the book was better, in my opinion."

He sifted through the five books then pushed them all towards me. "Ring them up. I'll take them all."

I scanned the barcode on the back of each book through as he watched me.

"You're not full time here," he noted.

"No," I replied, shaking my head. "I have another job that's almost full time, but I do it at home. This one gives me spending money. New York's expensive."

"Yeah, it is, but I still like the energy," he answered. "How much do I owe you?"

"$54.35." He put his cloth bag on the counter, and I packed the books while he placed his bank card on the terminal. "I hope you like them."

"I'm sure I will. If you want to pick out some books on science and technology for next time I would appreciate it. I'm still trying to catch up on what I missed."

It looked like he was going to ask me something else then he nodded politely and left the store. I went back to rearranging that shelf, then a few moments later heard the bell on the door ring. Just as I started to rise, he was there, offering me a hand up. It was a nice gesture and I thanked him. He stood awkwardly for a moment then took a deep breath.

"If you're not busy sometime I would like to have coffee with you, if you want, and you're not busy yourself. I can imagine two jobs keep you busy but I found it easy to talk to you and I just don't like going through the dating apps and judging people based on a photograph. If you don't, it's okay."

His voice trailed off and he looked so vulnerable for a long moment.

"I would like that, too, except I'm a tea drinker," I said. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and looked at my schedule. "I'm free at 5 today. We could make it drinks and a light meal, maybe? There's a nice bistro around the corner that makes good coffee, tea, and great paninis."

The smile that erupted out of his face was so sweet and I could feel my stomach do a little flip flop at the sight of it.

"Yeah, that would work. Shall I meet you here and we walk over together?"

"Sure, but let's exchange numbers, just in case something comes up. I imagine that in your line of work you're on call all the time."

Agreeing with that he produced his phone and handed it to me so I could enter my information in his contacts. He texted my number and watched as I saved it to my list. Then with a wave he left the store and I returned to that shelf.

Bucky showed up at 4:55, walking in as I was finishing with a customer. He smiled at both of us, then stood at a shelf, looking at the selection, until I walked the customer out, locked the door, and pulled the blinds down on the windows and door.

"I just have to put the cash into the safe," I said. "The owner will be in tomorrow morning and will do the tally for the bank deposit."

After I printed off the sales record and emptied the cash drawer, I opened the safe and placed all the cash in it. The door was closed, the dial on the safe was spun, and I locked the cabinet. Then I grabbed my purse and jacket, and came out to the front.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

I nodded and unlocked the door so he could leave ahead of me, locking both locks on it, then I asked for his help to pull the grate down and locked it into place. Like always, I sent a text to the owner that everything was secure for the night.

We arrived at the bistro just a few minutes later and I ordered a London Fog Tea Latte, and a chicken Caesar panini, while Bucky ordered a regular coffee and two roast beef paninis. It was common knowledge that he needed more food due to being a super soldier, so I wasn't surprised. We took a seat outside in the shade of the awning and waited for our food.

It was one of the best dates I had ever been on. Bucky was charming, in an old-fashioned way. He didn't monopolize the conversation, instead he asked me a lot of questions about myself. When I did ask him something he got nostalgic, but not in a complaining way. There were just things that he missed from before and he was sorry they didn't last.

"What about new things?" I asked, as our food was served. "What do you like about the present?"

"Food," he said, immediately, as he took an appreciative bite of his panini and smiled as he chewed before he spoke again. "Some things were better then but things like this, and the variety that's available is good. Healthcare is better. I mean, so many things were bad then, like cancer, tuberculosis, polio, and diseases that needed better antibiotics which didn't exist yet to be cured." He shrugged a little. "I prefer the old music but I'm making my way through the newer stuff and finding out what I like."

"I don't think they do romantic songs well now, not like they used to," I commented. "It's more about sexual attraction instead of the emotions, although there are still a few singers of the old stuff. I remember watching my grandparents dance at weddings when they played the old stuff and it was sweet, you know? It was romantic that they still felt the same way even after so many years." He got a pained look in his eyes for a moment, and I wondered if he was remembering something sad. "What were you like then? I've seen the pictures of you in your uniform and you were, and still are a handsome man. You looked so confident."

"Yeah." His voice softened. "I went out a lot, dancing. I was popular, mostly because I didn't kiss and tell. A woman's reputation was everything and it was easy to destroy if someone said something that really wasn't their business. I'm more introverted now as I don't have much in common with most people. I've had a few relationships, but they fizzled out and I never really figured out why as they said it was them, not me. Hard to believe that when you hear it several times."

"You like books," I replied. "That's a big plus for me. You're polite, attentive, and you have manners. That puts you above a lot of guys in my generation."

"You don't date much?" I shook my head, then took another bite of my panini. "They must be idiots. I think you're interesting and I'd like to see you again."

His words made me feel warm inside and I smiled at him. "I'd like that, too."

After we finished, we walked around, talking some more, then Bucky saw me home, sitting on the train with me. When we got to my apartment door, he hesitated for a moment then he gently brushed his lips against mine and watched as I entered, telling me to wave from the window when I was safely inside.

That was the beginning of our relationship, and it was wonderful as it developed over the first two months. We saw each other whenever we could, even if he sometimes just came and sat in my apartment to read as I worked on my medical transcriptions. He always made sure I had something to eat and drink while I was doing that. Sometimes, he would massage my shoulders when it looked like I was stressing out over some of the more unintelligible voice recordings, as accuracy in the transcription was paramount.

The first time he stayed over was incredible, as it started to rain hard while he was there. I wasn't going to send him out into the rain, so we made soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner. When the power suddenly stopped, we made out, which led to our first time together, which led to him staying over. He was so giving, wanting to make sure that I was satisfied before he was. I can honestly say he made love better than any man I had ever been with, not that I had a lot of experience in the matter. It didn't matter, I was falling in love with him and by the words he said to me, the feeling was mutual.

My world fell apart a little just over two months after we started dating when the bookstore was broken into overnight, robbed, then set on fire. I wasn't working that day, but my boss phoned me in tears that someone would destroy her livelihood like that. Bucky came with me in the middle of the night to comfort her, as we watched the fire department try to save what they could, which ended up being nothing. Even with the insurance, she couldn't afford to reopen it and I was out of one of my two jobs. Two weeks later, the medical transcription service I worked for was sold to a conglomerate, who promptly terminated the contracts of over half the staff, me included. Because it was a contract position, there was no severance pay. It wouldn't be long until my savings ran out and when it did, I would be homeless.

"Move in with me," offered Bucky. "The suite I have at the tower is huge and I'm sure you can get on with the support staff there. All I have to do is ask Pepper Stark."

"Bucky, I don't want to use you like that." I appreciated it but it seemed wrong to use his friends to get another job and I didn't want to impose on him. "I'll find something. I can manage on my own."

He looked at me with a strange, soft smile on his face.

"The thing is, you don't have to. You're more than qualified to work at the tower and we're together so much already that I feel like we're already living together. Please, let me help the most important person in my life."

My interview with Pepper Stark went well, and I got a job, a good job, in the IT department. She even paid for my things to be moved into Bucky's apartment, although most of the furniture went into storage because his apartment was furnished already. Almost everyone was welcoming to me and I felt comfortable there.

There was one person who seemed friendly at first, but I found when Bucky went on longer missions that she wasn't on, she could be a little cold. Sharon Carter, who was apparently related to Steve Rogers' girlfriend from World War II, was beautiful, smart, and a very capable operative. As a CIA liaison with the Avengers, she was often sent on undercover assignments, with various Avengers, occasionally Bucky, to infiltrate secure places. In front of him and the others she was very complementary to me. But when they were away and we were alone, or with some lesser agents, she would make comments that could be seen as snide or hurtful, although she always worded them in a way that made me wonder if I was just imagining it.

Once, I came back from working out. I knew I wasn't at the level of fitness most of the agents or Avengers were. I just did stuff to keep active and Bucky never said anything to the contrary. On that day, I felt good about what I did, actually pushing myself with the weights. I stopped to get a bottle of water from the communal fridge. I took my sweaty T-shirt off and was in my sports bra and leggings. Sharon sat at the table, reading something on a tablet. As I walked past her, she hummed.

"I don't mean to be critical or anything," she said, in that confident voice she had. "Are you gaining weight?" I looked at her as if I couldn't believe she would say that. "It's just that you seem to have a bit of a muffin top forming. Maybe you shouldn't be eating ice cream for a snack so often. Just a word of advice. Bucky likes his women fit."

That was the first time I ever felt misgivings about my body. Even though I knew I looked good, she planted a seed of doubt in my head that day. Ignoring her, I left for our apartment and stripped down, looking at myself naked in the mirror. I grasped my midsection and tried to see where the muffin top was. I couldn't see it and even though I dismissed the thought, it percolated in my head, and I found myself cutting back on my food during the rest of the week. When Bucky returned, he made a big show of picking me up and holding me tight as he kissed me. There was a mirror wall and I glanced at it, seeing Sharon while he was doing it. She was jealous; it was clearly all over her face that she wanted Bucky. During dinner with everyone, she was polite again. As soon as we finished Bucky and I went to our apartment, locked ourselves in and didn't come out until morning. I wanted to ask him about Sharon, but something stopped me.

"Robyn, are you alright?" Bucky was looking at me as we brushed our teeth. "You seem off."

"I just missed you," I replied. "I'm glad you're back."

"Me, too," he smiled. "We have a lot of catching up to do. I've missed this."

He wrapped his arms around me from behind and kissed my neck. Then he frowned.

"Have you lost weight?"

"I don't know," I lied. "Maybe I've been grabbing food on the go while I'm working instead of stopping for a meal."

"Don't lose anymore," he said, softly. "I like you with something extra to hold. You've got a beautiful body."

His words soothed me, and I felt better. Our relationship progressed and we said the "love" words to each other often. The time apart while he was on missions was hard, but he bent over backwards to make it up to me on his return. Sharon made little comments when he wasn't around, but I ignored them as best I could. That lasted until he had to go on a long mission again, this mission that he was currently on. Thankfully, Sharon wasn't at the tower as she was on assignment in Los Angeles. But the day before Bucky got back, she walked into the common room, where I was sitting alone, minding my own business. She flopped onto the sofa next to me then looked over.

"You changed your hair."

"Just got it cut."

"It looks alright, I guess. Has Bucky seen it?"

"On FaceTime. He likes it."

"Oh." She was quiet for a moment. "Maybe when he gets here, he'll change his mind."

I shouldn't have let what she said bother me, but something flipped inside me at that moment, and I turned to her, glaring in anger.

"What is your problem? Why do you say things like that?"

"Like what? They're just observations. Whether you listen to them or not, isn't my problem." I got up to get away from her, but she just had to have the last word. "You know his relationships don't last. Something always goes wrong. It just depends on when you realize that he's not cut out for something long term."

I kept going until I got into the apartment. Then I cried, feeling stupid that I let her words hurt me. All the old insecurities from her first hurtful comments came up and even though I knew I should just let it slide off me, something must have hit the mark because I couldn't let it go. That night I slept terribly, unable to put her words out of my head. Eventually I fell asleep for a bit but was awakened by the sensation of someone getting into bed with me. With a start I sat up, only to see Bucky smiling sheepishly at me.

"You're back early!"

"We left early, and I flew at top speed to get back sooner," he said, reaching out to caress my face. "Was hoping to be with you before you left for work."

I clutched at him, kissing him frantically, until he laughingly pulled me off of him. Then he looked closer at me and saw how tired I still appeared. Immediately his whole mood changed into something more serious and concerned.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked. "Didn't you sleep last night?"

I looked down and shook my head. He waited to hear more.

"Sharon got into my head, and I couldn't shake it off."

"She what?" His voice hardened. "What did she say to you?"

"It was nothing."

"Robyn, it wasn't nothing if it bothered you. If you don't tell me then I have to ask Friday for a playback."

I explained how her comment on my haircut triggered me into confronting her and she gaslighted me into making it my fault I was offended. His face went steely. Then, haltingly, I told him what she said about him and relationships; that he wasn't cut out for something long term.

"How long?" I looked at him blankly. "How long as she been messing with your head?"

I told him about the snide comments about my appearance, and lack of fitness. It all came pouring out of me in a torrent. By the last words I was crying and he held me, pulling me onto his lap while he kissed me and told me over and over how much I meant to him. When my crying finally slowed down to shaky breaths and occasional sniffles, he placed his hand under my chin and raised my face to view his.

"Understand this and believe it," he murmured. "I love you. Living with you has made me feel like a new man and I wake up every morning smiling because I know that you're here with me. I want to wake up next to you for the rest of my life. That's not a proposal but it is a promise that someday, sooner rather than later, I'll ask you properly to marry me." He kissed me sweetly on the lips then he took another audible breath. "Sharon Carter is another matter. I turned her down once because I honestly don't like her. She's a good operative and I've had her back while she's had mine. But she's got a mean streak in her that comes out without warning, and she doesn't care who it hurts. My last girlfriend before you, said something about Sharon and then left, not wanting to elaborate. I didn't put it together then I met you and put it out of my mind." He looked up at the ceiling. "Friday, can you compile recordings of any interaction between Sharon and my previous girlfriends and with Robyn. Specifically, any that involve criticism of the relationship between them and me? Include any comments that were critical of the girlfriends."

I looked at him in a new light. "You think it was her who sabotaged your relationships?" He nodded. "She planted the seeds of doubt and watered them every chance she got." I rubbed my face. "She wants you for herself."

"It's never going to happen." His tone was firm, then softened as he gazed at me. "I have what I want right here, right now."

I unbuckled his tac suit jacket, slipping it off his shoulders then tugged his singlet off between tender kisses and caresses from both of us. He took off the rest and showed me how much I meant to him in the best way possible. All my fears about us were dealt with and we slept afterwards wrapped together for several hours. When I woke up to get ready for my job, he let me shower alone. When I came out, he went in for a quick shower then dressed.

"Let's go for breakfast," he said. "I have a video to show everyone."

Together we came out to the common kitchen and dining area where everyone was making or eating breakfast. Sharon was sitting at the table with a pastry and coffee, pretending not to notice us but Bucky made sure he had his arm around me and kissed my head often. He made me a tea and gestured for me to sit at the table while he brought our food. It was close to Sharon, but I ignored her. Bucky brought our food then went back and poured himself a coffee, sitting next to me.

"I do like your hair like this," he said, running his eyes over it. "It looks even better than it did on FaceTime. What do you think, Sharon?"

"It's fine," she answered, as if she were bored.

"I guess fine is better than alright," he said, looking straight at her. "That was the actual term you used, wasn't it?"

"I dunno."

"You know, maybe it's because I was out of practice or maybe it's because I thought we were colleagues, but I never once thought that you would stoop so low as to try to sabotage my relationships."

She made it seem like he was boring her then looked at him. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Let me refresh your memory then. Friday, playback video compilation from this morning."

The large wall screen came to life and a series of videos began of Sharon with Bucky's earlier girlfriends. Everyone stopped talking and watched in confusion, with open mouths, as they heard her say some nasty things to the other women. There were many comments about their hair, weight, lack of style, lack of fitness, but mostly how Bucky wasn't capable of being in a long-term relationship with anyone because of his PTSD, or because he was more interested in playing the field. To her credit, she sat there and took it, although her face hardened throughout the playback. When the video got to what she said to me, I could feel the mood in the room turn completely against her. Sam Wilson, who hadn't said anything until then, finally stood up and looked at her with daggers.

"I think you should put in for an immediate transfer to another agency," he said. "By what I've seen and heard just now I don't think anyone wants to partner with you on any missions. Whatever trust we may have built up with you during and since the Flag Smashers is gone, by your own actions."

She breathed out angrily and stood up, looking briefly at all of them, then finally on Bucky and me. With a shake of her head, she left the table and the room. Sam advised Friday to lock her out of any systems that required clearance. As far as he was concerned, she had no clearance with the Avengers anymore. Then he looked at me and Bucky.

"All of us can see what you mean to each other. You make Bucky happy and that means a lot to all of us. I'm sorry we didn't know about her behaviour sooner. It was unacceptable."

He left to file a formal complaint about Sharon and why he fired her summarily. Others came to offer hugs to me and even Bucky, who took them. We sat back down to finish our breakfast. I couldn't help it, but the tears began again. He put his knife and fork down, then turned towards me, cupping my face in his hands. Gently, he wiped the tears from my cheek then kissed me on the lips. He didn't say anything, just gazed at me so lovingly that I stopped crying and nodded that I was okay. It was the truth. I was great. In front of me was someone I loved very much, and he loved me just as fiercely. Whatever the future brought we would face it together.

One Shots Masterlist

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[chirpychipslive]

i desire a masterlist of rick wright lore. i absolutely love that man but i don't know half the silly, goofy things he got up to and i need a long-ass post explaining all you know about that little weirdo.

HI HELLO okay so as much as i see and understand a desire for a "rick wright lore masterlist", i don't think i would be able to do proper service by just listing all of the stuff i know off my head, plus i don't want people to see it and just take everything i say at face value and not look into things further if that makes any sense

so instead i will put a rick wright source masterlist under the readmore so people can go watch/read things for themselves in as much detail as they feel comfortable doing so, + i think a lot of people aren't aware of half of the sources i take from

Books

As far as books go your best starting points are Mark Blake's Comfortably Numb and Nick Mason's Inside Out, both of which are much more generalised sources for any Pink Floyd related material - I do have PDFs of both of these (i have physical bought copies too dw), so if you can't read/listen to either of them for any reason DM me and I'll send those PDFs to you :] They're both available widely on Amazon and other bookstores and Inside Out is also available as an audiobook!!

Guy Pratt's My Bass And Other Animals is 75% his own biography and 25% pink floyd related, so while it does have some Rick-related stuff in there, don't go into it expecting any in-detail explanations. Unfortunately I don't have a PDF of this book, but it is widely available and relatively inexpensive to buy (and I totally reccomend it!)

Franka Wright has supposedly been writing a tell-all on her marriage and experiences with him, but there haven't been many updates on it in a while. I've been relatively quiet on everything she's said about him in public as I don't think I have enough information on what happened to properly comment, but if that book does drop expect me to be the first in line to take a look

Websites/Online

Please god if you have even any passing interest use rickwright.com. It's a resource largely made by his estate and has a lot of information on there, it's a really sweet and interesting labour of love and I cannot reccomend it enough

pinkfloydz.com is an older website but has a gigantic catalogue of interviews, which include a large amount of transcribed interviews with Rick from 1996. It's just such a good resource in general and I highly reccomend checking it out, as even if you're not a Rick fan you still have a lot of interviews with the others in there

Here me out here; @mamazano (who has been inactive since 2021) has SO much on there that I don't feel bad putting them down as a source. Almost everything they post about is properly cited so you can find exactly where they came from, and they catalogue a lot of stuff that is locked behind more expensive/less available books. Their attention to detail for citing and sourcing quotes has been so admirable to me even if they're no longer on Tumblr anymore!

Watchlist

Here's links to watch Live At Pompeii, P.U.L.S.E, Delicate Sound of Thunder and Live 8 if you haven't done so already. also Chit Chat With Oysters has him for like 3 minutes

Remember That Night (an On An Island concert film)

Breaking Bread, Drinking Wine (On An Island tour documentary)

Rick talks about Syd for the 2001 Syd Barrett documentary by John Edginton

Broken China interview

Interview with Guy Pratt about PATGOD

There's definitely a lot more but this is the stuff I already had on my Youtube playlist of interviews - here's some that were on there but I haven't watched/listened to in a while so I can't 100% verify them rn (x) (x) (x)

Maybe one day I will try and chronologue all of the shit I know into something comprehensible but that definitely wouldn't just be a Tumblr post or smth lol

In the meantime I do thrive infodumping-wise off specific questions so if there's something more concrete you want me to (attempt to) explain I'm happy to do so! Thank you sm for the ask (I wouldn't have done this otherwise) and please feel free to contact me if you would like anything specific answered :]

[jermasubtitledofficial]

Hi everyone, I'm the official subtitle editor for 2ndJerma and Jerma Stream Archive. I've been working to make Jerma985's videos more accessible through closed captions and subtitles. Jerma985 videos are subtitled regularly. You can view the definitive playlist of them here:

I also provide play-by-play updates on Twitter (@JermaSubtitled) to keep you informed on when and which videos have captions finalized and published.

Subtitling is a labor-intensive task that requires a lot of time and effort, but it's worth it to make sure that everyone can enjoy Jerma's content. However, I don't receive official compensation for my work. (writing, reviewing and editing captions) Without official pay, it can be difficult to justify the time I put into managing subtitles. That's why I'm reaching out to the community for support.

If you appreciate the effort I put into providing subtitles, please consider supporting me on Patreon. You can join for as low as $3/month, and all proceeds go towards continuing to make Jerma's videos accessible. If you'd like to give a one-time tip instead, you can do so here. Every little bit helps and is greatly appreciated. Your funding is 100% responsible for keeping Jerma985 subtitles running.

I understand that not everyone is in a position to contribute financially, and that's okay! Just spreading the word and letting others know that these subtitles exist and are available is a huge help. Thank you for taking the time to read this post. With your help, we can do a great service for YouTube accessibility.

Up next, a recap of what happened in March 2023:

I update interested parties each month about what's been added, and I'll start posting them here if there's sufficient interest, plus any additional musings. So here's the recap from March:

The community has provided so many submissions I'm nearly overwhelmed! I have a lot to review. Every caption will be published, it's just a matter of time. Those not present have been added to the queue.

First, overlap from February is SCORN by me, Erasmus Magnus. It highlights an interesting conundrum of subtitling: how to intuitively portray something said for a deaf/HOH audience, in this case a filtered voice. Feedback I received including that of @maplecaster led to the final result, and I think it works tremendously well.

Second, we have The Short Sniper by community regular, kitpigeon. Short and sweet, high-quality subs for one of Jerma's low-profile videos. Great job.

Next, we have Receding Randy transcribed by @maplecaster. This was some fine stuff. I'm embarrassed how long it took me to sync it, but that's only because I'm something of a perfectionist. I try to limit the time sink, but I want the best for the subtitles, and it only makes sense to polish the time to be as good as the text content.

After that, we have an absolute classic in the form of Grab that Grotto 5—no relation to Grotto Beasts—by @graysaregay. Well done on this. I did some executive editing for some tricky stuff like the text-to-speech voice. I'm really glad this ol' classic nearing a million has captions now.

And finally, italoplumber has provided a German translation of The Max Cow Capacity Compulsion. Never would've guessed he was popular in DACH countries, but I suppose it makes sense. It's in his name. Willkommen in Jermany.

And that's it! If you want to see more about official Jerma985 subtitles, including musings and related information, consider following! And again, play-by-play updates can be found on Twitter at @JermaSubtitled.

[ranticore]

Chapter 2 - To Be Human

for tdov i'll post my most trans coded character, more trans than any of the others tbh. obviously it's ishmael

---

Forward by the author | Chapter 1

In a bright white room with a single large round window, a young Ishmael sits on a bed. The edge of a rock ridge curves across the view beyond the window. Ishmael looks out through the window at the sheer sides, one hand pressed to the glass so that the light diffuses red through his skin. He is twelve years old and wears a shapeless blue and green garment that does not fit him, pinching tight around his neck but loose across his shoulders. A sipho nymph flies past the window and he turns to follow it.

Voice of Maris: What was that? Did you see it?

Ishmael: Not really. Too fast.

Maris: That was one of those – what are the zoologists calling them again? It’s a different name every time I hear it.

Ishmael: Exosiphonid.

Maris: I think they’re scary. Like giant dragonflies.

Ishmael: Did Surwan see it?

Maris: Who’s Surwan?

Ishmael: This girl in the biology class. She wanted to see an exosiphonid.

Maris: I didn’t know you were in the biology class. Was it good?

Throughout the video, Ishmael does not make eye contact with Maris or the recording device. He appears to hide behind a curtain of hair and hunch in on himself while he is not looking out through the window.

Ishmael: Dan said I could join next semester. I was waiting outside.

Maris: And eavesdropping?

Maris: I think it’s admirable to want to learn. What do you want to learn about? Is there anything that interests you? I’m no biologist, really.

Ishmael: Surwan likes the flying ones, like siphos. Callum wants to learn about leviathans.

Maris: That sounds exciting. Would you like to learn about leviathans too?

Ishmael: Lee doesn’t think they’re real. He said the betas wouldn’t get made if there were monsters in the water.

Maris: I don’t think Lee is a trustworthy source on that, if you want my opinion. Would you like to find out the truth? Imagine if you were the first to see a leviathan, they might name it after you.

——

The video transcribed above is a very typical example of Maris’s early sessions with Ishmael. He appears to resist all of her attempts to get him to submit an original thought, and repeatedly refers to the Human children instead, those who are undergoing a structured education about the zoology of Siren.

Maris’s notes echo my own understanding – that Ishmael struggled to articulate anything beyond a constant wish to be included with the other children, to the point of eavesdropping on classes he was not allowed to attend.

His passing curiosity about the wildlife around the settlement served only as a means to connect with the other children. And he was repeatedly shunned for these attempts, as Callum’s diary later noted. Those children whose likes and ambitions he carefully memorised did not think of him the way he thought of them. In fact, as far as I can tell, they did not think of him at all, because he was not a peer in any real sense.

This video also acknowledges the existence of the beta generation of Sirenians, who largely resembled modern phocids, though smaller and with shorter tails. It is important to state that although modern phocids descend from this beta generation, they do not descend from Ishmael. In fact, nobody descends from Ishmael, despite legends and myths to the contrary. This was stated explicitly several times by both Ishmael as an adult and Dan Loris, but made clear to Ishmael by Maris during these sessions.

“The other children are learning about how to make babies,” Ishmael announced at a session one day. “Dan wouldn’t let me stay. He never lets me stay.”

“You don’t need to know any of that,” Maris said. “You’re different to the other kids, remember? You don’t have a body that makes babies. Honestly, that’s a pretty sweet deal if you ask me. Can we swap?”

Her attempts at reassuring him seemed to fall on deaf ears, because reminders of his differences were often poorly received by Ishmael, or ignored. He paused to think about what she said, wondering how she could envy him when all he wanted in the world was to be like her.

“How do I get one?” he asked.

“A baby?”

“A body that makes them. I asked Dan and he said the betas can do it.”

“Well, yes,” Maris said, now wondering exactly how much it was appropriate to delve into he topic. “You don’t want to be like a beta, though, do you?”

Ishmael visibly shuddered. “No! But I want to be like Callum, can Dan do that? I’m getting better at being upright, so maybe if I practice more I can change.”

Thwarting Ishmael’s one desire was the absolute fact that his genetics were set in stone, and he could not be retroactively made fully Human. These sessions reveal a seam of anxiety, too, over the beta generation. At the time there were twenty of them, living in a separate location where they had access to a test pool.

Repeatedly, during the sessions with Maris, Ishmael brings them up as a potential bad ending for him, the inverse of his great desire to become like the other Humans. Those beta phocids were less Humanoid than Ishmael himself was. He believed that by mimicking the Human children he could become more similar to them, but the opposite could also be true, and the wrong actions might cause him to degenerate into a beta phocid.

Unfortunately for him, his efforts at being ‘upright’ did not result in any permanent bipedalism. When he was fourteen, his unpredictable growth had shifted his proportions away from the more Humanlike ratio he’d been born with. He was finding it more difficult to stand up straight, instead adopting a hunched and arched posture which still left him standing taller than the children of his age whose attention he coveted. The onset of puberty and these shifts in his body were tortuous, and it was a time that lasted until his mid-thirties when he finally reached his adult size and proportions.

But there was an improvement noted by both Dan Loris and Maris – despite repeatedly displaying signs of distress and depression in his sessions with her, he was no longer wordlessly violent, and did not give himself to his rages anymore.

Maris had provided him with the one thing he needed at the time – a safe person to talk to, someone who asked him how he was feeling without taking it as some scientific data point. She reported it all to Dan Loris, of course, but did not tell Ishmael that. He believed that she was his only safe harbour in the entire world.

Maris, in her own notes, says pretty much the same. And she was fond of him, too, revealing a genuine affection towards him alongside a deep abiding worry that she was not doing enough to ease his distress, and that she could have done more. She admits that she was not a trained psychologist, just someone in the settlement who had spare time and some textbooks. Her actual job was as a water quality specialist and she was acutely conscious that she had not the qualifications nor educational background necessary to help Ishmael properly. The settlement had a number of psychologists but they were not associated with the lab and did not volunteer their time.

To pre-empt the same problems with tantrums arising in the beta phocids, Maris was also supposed to spend some time with them, too. But she discovered that, with the exception of one, they were actually rather well-adjusted compared to Ishmael, likely as a result of their group all living together and being able to form a small close-knit community. Ishmael was deprived of this.

And, most importantly, the beta phocids could see themselves reflected in their community and use their bonds as a lens to make sense of themselves. Ishmael lacked this factor, and had no reflections or counterparts that he could use to understand himself. He was isolated by being unique, and by his inability to see the phocids as anything other than strange creatures he was embarrassed to somewhat resemble.

But it’s also patently clear that Maris, and Dan Loris and the other Precursors Ishmael was in contact with didn’t do much to raise Ishmael’s opinion of the beta phocids, as evidenced by the transcript above. Perhaps if they’d thought to assuage his fears by treating the beta phocids as people worthy of dignity and understanding, he might not have feared becoming like them.

The beta phocids, for their part, were born in a similar manner to Ishmael – the same deep dream, the same delayed birth, though their bodies were ten years old by the time they emerged from their dream and took their first breaths. Ishmael had been subject to numerous digestive trials measuring the suitability of his body for life on Siren. It was found that he was somewhat lacking in the production of a digestive chemical called an enzyme which would have allowed him to better deal with the high concentrations of silica present in Siren organisms.

He could eat and digest local plants and animals, but sometimes showed signs of digestive upset. Taking this information, Dan Loris was able to tweak his beta phocids before they were born, cloning and increasing the number of cells in their bodies which could produce the appropriate enzyme. He also took samples of Ishmael’s gut microbiome, which had taken years to properly develop, and implanted those samples within the digestive tracts of the beta phocids.

They were born as a group, though not all at once, allowing for correct monitoring of the newborns during the most tenuous periods. One suffered from the most common cause of death due to delayed birth; they simply never woke up, having rejected the dream at some point over the past several years. They were removed from the amniotic chamber where they passed on, a ten year stillbirth. We might remember the legacy of ‘Ishmael’, our Ishmael who was first born on Siren, but I feel it is only right to remember ‘Charity’, the first Sirenian to die here. They were given then to the assistants of Dan Loris who performed a post mortem examination.

The others suffered no more from the effects of delayed birth than Ishmael himself did. Although their bodies were more divergent from Precursor Humans than Ishmael’s was, at the time of his birth, and the discrepancies between their dream selves and their true selves must have been more jarring, this was offset somewhat by the communal nature of their upbringing. As soon as one was deemed fully awake, aware, and of sufficient health, they were placed in the boarding chamber with the other phocids and an assigned nursery worker. The birthing process took the better part of a year, so that the last born of the delayed-birth phocids was one year ‘younger’ than the rest, despite all technically being the same age.

Cherta, who gave their name to the wandering moon, was the fifth born beta phocid. There is very little to distinguish Cherta from the rest of the group, at this early stage, but I have on file their original description - “‘Cherta’, named for a sponsor of the project who donated three million nua*. Unisex ‘phocid’ of the Beta generation. Born age 10 years and 5 months, in [Year 3]. Melanistic colouring was chosen as protection against solar radiation, but it is expressed in heterogenous patches with a strong dorsal stripe. Length 5’1 nose to tailtip at time of birth and weight 54kg. Unusually violent birth, needed sedation.” In fact, Cherta assaulted Dan Loris’s assistants as they were born, reacting to the event as though it were an invasion of the bedroom of their dream. It was by all accounts an auspicious start compared to the others, and perhaps an indication that Cherta’s experience with the deep dream was not standard.

Cherta had fallen victim to another rare phenomenon of the incubator, referred to by Dan Loris as ‘dream rot’. This occurrence is a result of differences in the receiving brain, rather than the dream machine itself. The brain begins to understand, in some form, that what it is witnessing is not reality, and the structure of the dream begins to unravel.

At the time of Cherta’s delayed birth, the dream had been in the early stages of this process. If allowed to continue for too long, permanent damage to the psyche’s ability to judge reality is the result. Cherta would be haunted by this for the remainder of their life, but it was not severe enough to significantly alter their treatment compared to the other beta phocids.

The violence of their birth began to circulate in anecdotal form, eventually reaching the ears of Ishmael. He was curious – in fact, it was the first time he showed open curiosity about anything other than the opinion of a Human child. He asked Maris if she was going to speak to Cherta too, and she told him that she had spoken to all of the beta phocids, and had given Cherta in particular some extra guidance.

He did not take it well. The realisation that Maris’s time was not solely devoted to his needs was a source of distress, and likely another painful forced grouping with the phocids he feared. He would not participate in Maris’s sessions as he had before, and appeared afterwards to despise Cherta in a way that seemed quite targeted and personal.

Maris was forced to lie – she told Ishmael that she also spoke to the Human children, thus drawing him back under the umbrella of Humankind. In the following sessions, Ishmael revealed that he had greater knowledge of the beta phocids—and Cherta in particular—than anyone had previously guessed.

“Why do they look like that?” Ishmael asked. “They don’t stand up. They’re like animals.”

“They’re adapted to move in the water, like you,” Maris said. Her voice sounded nervous. “This means they had to have short arms and long, streamlined bodies. Like an otter. They’re very graceful in the water.” She had begun to introduce a less dismissive attitude towards the phocids, even praising them at times. Ishmael would tense every time she did.

“I don’t swim,” Ishmael said.

“Well, you’re not here to swim,” Maris said. “You have other things to teach us, so Dan didn’t wanna risk you in the pool.”

Ishmael was quiet for a long time. He rarely changed his facial expression, to the point that Maris often noted that she wondered if he heard her at all, or if his facial muscles had not developed properly.

“I saw Cherta playing with the floating ball at the bottom of the pool. In the water.” Ishmael sounded somewhat disdainful. “Like a child.”

“You’re all the same age,” Maris reminded him. “And I think you’re a child too. What’s wrong with having fun in the pool? Are you jealous?” She was fascinated by Ishmael’s sudden willingness to offer his opinion, particularly as discussion of the Human children never provoked this in him.

But Ishmael didn’t answer that one. At that point, he did not want to admit to any jealousy, and likely did not consciously recognise the feeling as such. Instead, he felt annoyance - he had to spend time in the lab doing work with Dan Loris, providing test feedback, having his organs scanned, letting himself be pawed all over by technicians who did not particularly care for him, only for what data he could provide. He did not endear himself to them, his quiet and obtuse personality proving difficult to grow fond of. But he still knew that it was work, he was producing data, and the phocids were just playing around in a pool all day, as far as he could tell. He was filled with righteous indignation at their laziness, at how easy their lives were, and wished that they knew what it was like to be him, so that they might stop looking so happy any time he peered in through the test pool windows.

I have recovered video footage of this behaviour, too. At odd hours of the day, with no real schedule, Ishmael would approach those windows. They were set in the side of the corridor outside the lab, affording an underwater view to onlookers. Access to the aboveground phocid enclosure was limited, so Ishmael only had the windows. He would walk there—painstakingly upright, though often with a hand on the wall to help support what was increasingly a difficult posture—and then sit on his tail and watch. The beta phocids spent most of their time in the water, as one might imagine. Ishmael would later learn that their lives were not as blissfully relaxing as he first thought, but it is true that they spent a lot of time playing in the pool, as teenagers will do. And he would watch them, until he heard an approaching Human, and quickly retreat.

The windows did not allow the phocids to look out. Cherta was unaware that they were the target of Ishmael’s most intense scrutiny. Despite a somewhat disturbing, moth-eaten childhood dream, Cherta was, on the surface, as lively as the rest of the phocids. They weren’t exactly easygoing, though, preferring to impress upon the others the importance of following rules, and of doing things the right way.

What Ishmael did not realise was that the phocids, as they swam together, built jigsaws and played card games underwater, were providing data too. They showed Dan Loris how their body plan could deal with the aquatic environment as easily as a Human could walk around on land. And so, when Ishmael and the phocids were fifteen, Dan Loris began to build his gamma generation of genetically engineered Humans, those who would be born on Siren without the use of a deep dream, and who could be introduced to the world outside.

Long days and nights spent in the lab occupied almost all of Dan Loris’s time, and his child Callum had nowhere to go after his classes but the lab itself. And with Ishmael and Callum once again forced into close proximity to one another, Ishmael would soon learn one of the most valuable lessons of his childhood.

*’nua’ is a form of currency

[turnstileskyline]

RockSound June 3rd, 2024 – Dallon Weekes Interview (Transcript under the cut)

hello all!!!! i am still taking a little tumblr break (gonna upload and dip) but my copy of the rocksound idkhow issue came so i wanted to get these photographed and transcribed because i know i have shaky hands. (if you spot any mistakes let me know and i'll fix them asap!)

Taking Over The World (One Show At A Time)

As they close out their UK headline tour, IDHKOW's Dallon Weekes reflects on the lessons learned from taking 'Gloom Division' out on the road.

Words James Wilson-Taylor

Photos Corinne Cumming

Now that the UK tour has come to an end, how are you reflecting on this latest run of shows? Well the shows were fantastic. All of the crowds were great and it was really exciting to be back there after, you know, COVID and the album delays and everything. It's felt like it was forever since we've been back. But to be able to go back with this new lineup that I have, it was pretty special. Because I feel like the live show has grown a lot. Being able to add more live musicians to it, and rely less upon synth tracks and things like that. To have people up on stage actually doing it live, we're a little more untethered, which, must like that tour itself, was pretty chaotic. But we seem to thrive on chaos. So it worked out. It was really fun.

Did it click together quite quickly with the new band? What were the initial live rehearsals like? It was really fun for me. My heart goes out to the guys who are playing for me because they had this whole catalogue of music to learn before we hit the road, but they are such professionals and so talented too and most of them live here around Utah where I'm from. Anthony, my guitar player, still is in LA. But whenever shows come up, he flies out here so we get some proper full band rehearsals. But to be able to have really professional musicians dig into the songs and learn how to play them and have some input as well is really invaluable to me because I always really enjoy when a live show has tiny deviations from the recorded versions of the album that you might have in your collection. Sometimes bands can go a little too far from that and it can be fun sometimes. But it can also be a bummer, it kind of depends on the song, I guess. But I like having small moments or extended bits, or maybe an idea that you got post recording an album, when you're all jamming it together and someone does something cool. And you go, 'Dammit, I wish that was on the record'. So you just put it in the live show and it makes for a cool experience, I think.

With the added band members, it gives you a little extra freedom to step away from the bass at moments and explore your position as a frontman. It feels good, but it's interesting too, because that was never on my bucket list. I never had that in mind for my life to be a frontman, or a lead singer. I just always wanted to make music and write and record and have that be my job. I've been lucky enough to have achieved that goal. But, you know, circumstances being what they are, I eventually landed into that role without having it as a goal, but it's something that I do enjoy. It's something I did years ago with Brobecks. But between then and now it's been more than a decade. So I think it took me a minute to sort of relearn that role and find myself in that role again, and luckily once it started rolling, it didn't take long for me to find that footing again. But there was that learning curve where I tried to remember how to be in this spot, rather than just filling a spot on the side of that stage just playing bass. So yeah, it's been fun to be able to put it down every once in a while and have a little more freedom to wander around or spill water bottles all over the stage, which is a bad habit of mine.

It also allows for a nice relationship with the audience. I mean, that's something you've always had – it almost feels like a conversation in places. It's a little secret club in a way for all these fans. That was the impetus when it started. Because this was a secret project, no one was supposed to know about it. And I really had no goals in mind for it other than to get some music out of my head and play it for a bunch of strangers that didn't know what other bands I'd ever been in and see if that art that I was making could stand on it's own two feet without waving some giant flag saying, 'Hey, everybody, I was in this band before, come and see what I'm doing.' There was something about that which felt really disingenuous and kind of gross to me. So starting this project in secret with this ridiculous band name that no one could ever find appealing made a lot of sense at the time. But as things snowballed – and what a wonderful problem to have, I'm talking about this like it's some sort of bad thing but it's not, it's a great thing – eventually it became too late to choose a more sensible band name. But, you know, band names are ridiculous anyway, so who cares? I guess the secret is just to not care. But yeah, finding that role again. It took a minute, but it's been a lot of fun. I'm enjoying it a lot.

In terms of the newer songs in the set, did playing them live and seeing the audience reaction change your opinion about them at all? It's a similar feeling for both me and the audience. Because the way that writing and recording music works now is different from how it was 20 years ago. You used to write your song, go out and play it every night, workshop it, tighten the screws on it, and then you go record it and put on a record. Now, with Youtube and streaming services and bootlegs and things, you have to keep a tight lid on this new stuff that you're working on until it's been officially released. So now, you write your song and you record it and then you learn how to play it afterwards. So taking those out into the world for the first time on stage after you've recorded it, I think it's a new experience for the audience and for the performers as well, because you get a handle on this new thing that you've already recorded. Then night by night, kind of like I mentioned before, someone might do something different. The song sort of evolves and changes a little bit from the way that you recorded it. I think there's a lot of fun to be had in that. Sometimes those things can only happen once you are in front of people and playing those songs. It's all a really organic process and I really enjoy that.

I guess the other thing you had to consider was how best to balance this new material, which pushed you into some new places musically, with the older songs that everybody knows. It's become a challenge now because when this thing started, I hadn't recorded or released anything. It was about four or five months of playing dive bars in secret and just denying that this was even a thing while I was recording. Then by the time we did have something out there, I think we put a song on YouTube first with no record label, no radio, nothing. Then that song just kind of took off. Then we were expected to fill an hour whenever we would go on tour and we had only released five songs. So learning that frontman role and stretching bits out and filling in our set with some covers and maybe some old Brobecks songs, that was the challenge. Now, the challenge has become picking a setlist that has bits and pieces of stuff that you love and that the audience would appreciate from the past and from the current record. So it's a different challenge now, but it's one that I'm enjoying. Revisiting stuff that is important to me from the past and things that I really like playing and stuff that the audience either needs to hear, because we're promoting it, or is stuff that I know they have responded to well in the past and that they'd like to hear. So it's a combination of different factors to make a decent setlist, I think, but I try to keep all that stuff in mind.

One particularly special moment at the London show was when Will Joseph Cook joined you onstage to perform your collaboration "Sunnyside'. That was fun. He's a London boy. The algorithm sent me some of his music a couple of years back and it was a song called 'Take Me Dancing', one of his songs from maybe four or five years ago. It was one of those songs that when you hear it as a songwriter, it's so good that it kind of pisses you off, you know? Dammit, that's good. So I reached out to him to see if he wanted to collaborate on some stuff, and it's been a great working relationship ever since. Then we just pass each other ideas back and forth all the time. He hit me up and asked if he could come to the London show and I said, 'Why don't you come out on stage and we'll sing this 'Sunnyside' song that we to wrote together'. He's like, fuck yeah, so we hooked up a spare microphone and ran it on soundcheck and then brought them out on stage for the set. It was a lot of fun to be able to do that. To play it live with the person who helped cowrite that was pretty special.

So you see that collaborative relationship continuing on more songs in the future? We hung out pretty much all day that day backstage and showed each other ideas that we have floating around. After I got home, I send him some more songs. So yeah, we're definitely going to keep that collaborative working relationship going. He's a good young man with a bright future.

You have also been able to bring some more Brobecks songs into your setlist and put a new, IDKHOW twist on them. Are there any more of those older songs you'd like to re-record or perform again? I've got a shortlist of maybe four or five old Brobecks songs that I think never really got a proper chance to be a proper song, you know, whether that was because we didn't have enough money to record it properly or get it mixed or mastered or even release it. Then I eventually released the songs in a vacuum and no one ever really heard it. But there's four or five I think that I would still like to give a proper chance to. It's not super high on the priority list. But it is something that I'm interested in because I am a fan of songs. And you know, probably more so than albums as a whole, I'm a song man. There are a few from the past that I think had some potential. But I would probably have to consider, you know, the passage of time in between when I first wrote them as a young man and, if I did rerecord and release, now there might have to be some lyric adjustments or something because I don't know how well some lyric choices when you're 22 would go over when you're 42. So there might be some rewrites in order. But revisiting some of those I think would be fun because this project and that project, they aren't unrelated to each other. I very well could have easily called this The Brobecks. But whenever I started this, putting a period at the end of that old project seemed like the right move and moving on to something new that didn't have any baggage to carry along with it. It felt like the move. But yeah, that doesn't mean that that stuff isn't still important to me. It's still very meaningful and I really love playing old Brobecks songs and I think that I always will.

Now that you have had some time to reflect since the release of 'GLOOM DIVISION', how are you feeling about that collection of songs now? It's interesting how your perspective changes on things. When I first recorded it, and was getting ready to release it, I was so excited and I thought this was the best work that I've ever done. Then even with the good reviews that it has gotten and the fan response, there was still more mixed reviews, or mixed feelings, about it than I thought there would be. But seeing that happen has given me a sort of step back, trying to be more objective, which is hard to do when you're making art, you know, because it really is for you. That's still number one for me whenever I make art. It is for me, and I want to like the thing that I'm making. That's the most important bit and if anyone else happens to like it, that's just a really great bonus. But I made this record and I loved it and I thought that surely everyone else would too. All of my favourite records and the things that I draw inspiration from are not popular records. These are not things that were at the top of the charts. You know, even on some of my top 10 Records of all time – Elvis Costello's 'This Year's Model' or The Flaming Lips or Ben Folds Five, all of my favourite stuff, these were never people that lived at the top of the charts. So, to me, the response kind of makes sense. As long as you're making something that you like, and you're not trying to play to the gallery, then whatever their response is, so be it.

UK artists in particular seem to have always had a big influence on you. I've been a sucker for everything British since I got into the Beatles, and if it was from the 60s and it was British then I was all about it. Even in the 90s, | was a big Britpop fan. In the post grunge-90s, Britpop in America was not the cool thing to be into, but I was all about it. Blur was my favourite. I loved Pulp and I liked Oasis too. That was my shit back in the 90s while everyone else was listening to Rage Against The Machine, which I can appreciate more now. Back then, I viewed it as the stuff my older brother and his friends were into and they're all bros. So I was being kind of a little hipster about it. But I love Rage now. But yeah, back then in the 90s, again I was into stuff that wasn't living at the top of the charts.

It must have been particularly exciting to finally come over here and play shows for the first time. Yeah it was very cool to be there finally and see where rock and roll...wasn't born but where it had been fine tuned and perfected. We may have done it first but I'm always of the mindset that y'all did it best. There's no pride in regards to, you know, who did what and when. I'm a fan of what y'all do. I love it over there.

One UK show that must stick in the memory was when you played Brixton Academy in 2016 with Panic! At The Disco just after David Bowie had passed away. That must have been quite a surreal but special moment. I remember waking up in my hotel that day to the news and being hit with it harder than I probably thought I would have ever been. I'd always been a big Bowie fan, but sometimes you don't really realize how much you like something until it's gone, which is kind of fucked up. So I woke up to the news that he had died and I cried a little bit, you know, which kind of surprised me. Then I went out walking the streets, because we had a full day before we had to be at the venue for soundcheck, and his music was everywhere. Walking past that mural that's down the street from the venue where people had made this makeshift memorial, there was this awesome sense of community. That was a great reminder about the importance behind art and behind music. All of these people walking the streets, they might not share anything in common, but at least for today, or that day, everyone's sharing this art that this man made. There's something so special about that. Whenever an artist passes along from this world, you hope that your art that you make continues to be enjoyed by people and that way you get to sort of live on and still impact people. So that's the hope. I certainly hope that's the case with me and I'm sure I'm not alone in that. Playing that venue in particular, or really any historical venue where I know for sure that someone I love has played there and has walked down this staircase to the stage just like I'm doing, I always think about that right before we're about to take the stage. There's something intimidating about it and something comforting about it at the same time.

Similarly, when you played Camden Electric Ballroom with IDKHOW, that is another venue with so much history. There is a plaque outside in memory of when Prince performed there. That's another reason why I really love playing in London because there's so many choices. You throw a stone and there's a gig happening somewhere and you have your choice of just about anything under the sun that you can go see. So the fact that there are people on the other side of the world that would choose to come see this project and watch us play the songs that I write here in my basement is nothing short of a miracle to me. This last round of shows that we played over there, particularly that last show in London, to be able to have that venue full of people is so special to me and does not go unappreciated.

[epivanosilon]

reading demon slayer: chapter 40 panel comparison

hey everyone :) before i do the usual posts for this chapter i wanted to try something a little different. there was one panel in particular that bothered me in chapter 40, and i decided i should write about it to get it off my mind. i don't think i've done an in-depth comparison between the original japanese and official english versions of any demon slayer panels before, so let me know if this is something any of you are interested in!

the panel in question today is of tanjirou's father speaking to tanjirou in his flashback at the beginning of the chapter. below i have the original japanese on the right and the official english translation on the left.

i'll transcribe the text from each for anyone who needs it.

in japanese:

炭治郎この神楽と耳飾りだけは必ず途切れさせず継承していってくれ。約束なんだ

in english:

Tanjiro, be sure you have these earrings when it's time to do the kagura! Wear them always so you don't lose them. Promise me!

when i saw these panels side by side, i was baffled at how different they were. right off the bat i noticed that all the main words were present in the english translation, but the details had changed! and that results in a translation that carries completely different meanings from the original. let's go over each speech bubble individually.

for the first bubble, the words "kagura" (神楽) and "earrings" (耳飾り) are both present, but most everything else is not. whoever was translating seems to have parsed the と as when instead of and. to be fair, that's a valid usage for that particle in many cases. however, this is not one of those cases. notice that in the original japanese the phrase is 「この神楽と耳飾りだけ」. literally, just this kagura and [these] earrings. we'll need to go to the next speech bubble to get the rest of the sentence.

the second bubble reads 「途切れさせず継承していって��れ」, literally continue the inheritance of [them] for me without letting [the inheritance] be interrupted. or in more natural english, pass [them] down for me without interruption. together with the first bubble, we get something like without fail, pass down just this kagura and these earrings for me without interruption.

(i believe that the だけ is there to emphasize that tanjirou must focus on the kagura and the earrings above all else. i don't want to present my feelings as fact, though, so i'll keep it translated as just.)

tanjirou's father is not asking tanjirou to wear the earrings at all, and he certainly doesn't tell him to make sure to have them "when it's time to do the kagura". he's asking tanjirou to remember the kagura and keep the earrings so that he can pass them on to his children in the future, and his children to their children, and so on.

the text in the third bubble reinforces this. tanjirou's father says 約束なんだ, literally it's a promise. 約束なんだ is not a request or a command, it is a statement. and i might be biased because i've already read all of demon slayer in english, but to me that line implies that it is tanjirou's father who made the promise, not tanjirou. which, if you're familiar with the later arcs of demon slayer, is exactly what happened.

a more fitting translation for this panel, in my opinion, could have looked like this:

Tanjiro, if nothing else, make sure to pass on this kagura and these earrings for me. I made a promise.

some information is lost, like the 途切れさせず part, but i think the overall message is roughly the same.

i really don't get why the official english translation is the way it is for this panel. it seems...out of character, almost, because there really haven't been such drastic liberties taken up to now. at least, as far as i can remember. a few choices i found strange, for sure, but nothing like this. that's way above my pay grade, though.

and with that, i'm all out of things to say about this panel! if you read to the end, thank you very much, and i hope you enjoyed the post (or at least learned something from it). please look forward to the next posts! 読んでくれてありがとう！次の投稿を楽しみにしてください！

[analligatorr]

opinion on the porcelain Graves skin???? I don’t hate it but I’m mad it’ll take another year or more until we get another one and porcelain is such a boring theme. Stick him in an interesting skin line for once riot.

Sincerely? I tried to like this skin, I really tried, but.. :/

Well, on twitter I compared Porcelain Graves with the WR exclusive skin Dragon Lantern Graves (not the special edition) I'll transcribe it here.

Let's start with splasharts. Wild Rift's Splash arts are generally criticized, many times I don't agree, some of them are of even higher quality than those of League, which is the case of Dragon Lantern Graves. Even though it's not Graves' best splash, or the best skinline splash, it's pretty and pleasant, my only criticism is that it's a little too static, there's not much movement

the Graves porcelain splash has some problems, at first glance it is.. pretty, but whenever you look at it, there seems to be something wrong, it really is a strange splash, and it's not the fault of the artist who made it.

Porcelain Graves Splash Concepts by Santiago Parra

in the end, they(riot) decided to increase the proportions and add a lot of texture, to achieve this result, so... yeah, it's not the best splash. but it's pretty

Dragon Lantern: 1

Porcelain: 0

About the VFX, let's be honest, they tend to do something very mediocre with Graves when it comes to visual effects, apart from his legendary skin (which it would be stupid of them to do something too simple) Graves' recent epic skins haven't received as much love.

Even though the Dragon Lantern skin has basically the same sounds as the base skin (i guess) the quality of the VFX is absurdly good (better than his legendary if you allow me to say). The Porcelain one.. is... mediocre.. ofc they couldn't put something cool like Lux and Lissandra's skins, right?

I can't post more than one video in a post, so here are the links so you can see the difference between the VFX of Dragon Lantern Graves and Porcelain Graves.

Dragon Lantern: 2

Porcelain: 0

Ok, let's get to the part that irritated me the most. The narrative..

Yes, we agree that Graves is not a big "important" character in Runeterra, he is not there to be a protagonist. That doesn't mean he can't cause real chaos, and set Bilgewater on fire just in an attempt to get revenge on his current partner. Why did I bring this up? because it is absurd to portray Graves as a pathetic and irrelevant character.

With that in mind, read Porcelain Graves' bio:

Not long after gunpowder was invented, the Zodiac searched for a new protector of the Dragon Relic. Though ancient and wise, the gods struggled to find someone worthy, so they settled for Malcolm Graves. Eventually his expertise in firepower was pointed in the right direction (away from all the breakable vases)

It's ridiculous, don't you think?

They are so fond of abusing the fact that Graves is, in some ways, a comic relief, that they make him the real joke, to the exclusion of everything else about him, and making him "unworthy". It's like they're saying "ugh, should this guy really be here? Who called him?". Whoever wrote the narrative of porcelain skinline seems to hate him, for real..

Now let's go to Dragon Lantern Graves' bio:

Graves, a free-spirited mercenary from a foreign land, can hardly wait to join in the fun at the gala. For this burly maverick, harmless ol' lanterns are no more than impractical ornaments—he much prefers filling up massive dragonflame cannons and setting the night sky ablaze with 'em booming explosions and dazzling lights!

1000% better, right? It's almost a delight. It's fun, brings out a little of who he is, and doesn't degrade his image :D

Dragon Lantern: 3

Porcelain: 0

AND WE HAVE A WINNER

[thenightfolknetwork]

Thisss is a bit of an odd question, I think but...

I want to get into the 'dating sphere', but I'm stuck with a few caveats:

-I receive rather decent work in the village closest to me (it's remote enough I had to send in the post to a friend to transcribe) so I can't find myself moving to someplace too much more populated, but also my next point:

-I'm a very anxious person on account of the reaction most people have to me. I'm one of the more ophidian genuses which definitely shows in the face, a bit tall for a lady, and my tail tends to be a bit...adventurous. Most people that ask for my spellwork don't stay long after getting their product. I can see the fear or worry in their faces. It leaves me rather self-conscious to the point I have to put a homo-sapien disguise to gather supplies in-town.

that leads into my final problem. There is somebody who's shown interest in me. Rather he's interested in the disguise I wear in town. He's rather handsome and its hard not to fantasize being more than acquaintances, but...I'm scared of getting my hopes up if I ever reveal to him that I'm not really what I show on the surface. That I'll be back at square one.

Do I try actively seeking out folks who enjoy my real form, at the cost of maybe having to move? or is there a way I can navigate this one right here without him thinking I'm leading him on or tricking him?

I'm so sorry you've been subjected to such unkindness, reader. The difficulties faced by liminal folk in rural and otherwise isolated communities are all too often overlooked, or dismissed by urban nightfolk who suggest their rural counterparts simply move away – as if there is anything simple or reasonable in such a suggestion.

It is entirely right that you should not only hope but expect to be treated with kindness and respect in your local community, no matter how isolated that community may be. But in order to get that support, you first need to show your community that you need it.

Presenting as sapio when you go into town may be more comfortable, but comfort must sometimes give way to necessary, healthy vulnerability. I worry that by habitually hiding your liminal nature, you may be compounding your self-consciousness rather than alleviating it.

You have nothing to hide, reader. There is nothing wrong with having an adventurous tail or being all “for a lady” (a lady of what genus, might I ask?) Other people's discomfort with you is their problem to deal with, not yours.

Besides, the world is very different for the community today than it was just a few years ago. Thanks to major advancements in both communication technology and liminal liberation, your neighbours are used to seeing people of different genuses in the media, and very likely will have experience with nightfolk in their places of work or even among their friends and family.

I encourage you to set aside your romantic concerns for the time being and work on building up your confidence to be yourself in public. You don't have to cast off your disguise all at once, but it is well worth exploring spaces and times where you feel able to venture forth in sapio society without pretending to be one of them.

Some people will not respond well. This is sadly to be expected, but again – not your fault and not your issue to solve. But I feel sure that you will be pleasantly surprised, and that your community will, by and large, rise to the challenge. And, with any luck, this “rather handsome” somebody will be among them.

[For more creaturely advice, check out Monstrous Agonies on your podcast platform of choice, or visit monstrousproductions.org for more info]