#i'm a bit pissed

[missrosegold]

Jfc if I have to clean EVERY DAMN THING at work (on top of shit that I shouldn't be), then work can pay me custodial wages on top of what I already make.

[royalarchivist]

Pac: I can't keep doing this, I can't do this– [Laughs] I can't do this anymore— What is this, man?!

If you didn't see Pac suffering in Sims earlier today, here's a (translated & subtitled) compilation of some silly Sims Hideduo moments that made poor Pac look like he was questioning all his life choices.

[faggotry-enjoyer]

thinking about how so much of the left spent so long making dual loyalty accusations that so many jews had to reiterate that "judaism != israel" as in "just because i'm jewish doesn't mean i support anything and everything the israeli state does wtf" only for the left to turn around and start saying "judaism != israel" as in "israel has nothing at all to to do with judaism" as in "any and all discussion of antisemitism with regard to israel is irrelevant derailing" (at best) and have the gall to act like they're saying the same thing because those are the Right Words, right? forced them to put up a shield only to rip that shield from their hands and beat them with it. vile. fucking vile.

[revenantghost]

Oh my god, it got worse?!

So to summarize, so far (from what I can remember):

The gold on the covers peels off. They say this affects a small number of copies, but I haven't seen one without a "distressed" look, and Dark Horse has said that very common look is not intentional.

The translation was not updated, which they never promised, so whatever. But there are twenty-year-old, well-known typos and obvious mistranslations. They didn't even proofread it despite adding sound effects and a year of delays. And this book retails at $50 USD.

And on this awful printing note, there are a few copies I've seen floating around with severe binding issues, like the faux leather peeling off.

Friendly reminder that if you are able, you can let Dark Horse know you're disappointed. Leave reviews and upvote ones you agree with. Reply to/@ them on social media and be loud. If you're willing, cancel and/or return orders. It's all about publicity and financial gain in publishing. If they don't get that, they will have to change something.

Trigun doesn't deserve this.

[mishaesque]

Scenic Supernatural Season 1

[rocketbirdie]

local lance main won't be surprised if they save the [best] [worst] for last

[thelaurenshippen]

finally taking the time to read through the SAG agreement summary and oof, I hope they have an AI town hall soon because...well, there are things to discuss!

so, in case folks are curious, here are my immediate takeaways from the deal as a SAG actor, a SAG producer, and person who is not any kind of expert but spends a lot of time being skeptical of contracts I sign. this is a summation/commentary, not a holistic breakdown of every point, nor even an in-depth discussion of the points I do talk about. and it is, of course, in no way legal advice or voting advice.

this post is already maybe the longest post I've ever written on tumblr (lol) and I feel like I've barely scratched the surface. to be clear, nothing I'm saying here represents how I'm going to vote, how I think other actors should vote, or my be-all-end-all stance on a particular issue. this is me reading through, flagging what concerns me, and asking myself questions. and I'm here to take your questions too! though of course my expertise is limited.

(what?? something I wrote got annoying long?? in my tumblr? it's more likely, etc. huge write-up after the cut)

the good

self-tape stuff: this is one of the more niche/the thing that the general public will find least interesting, but they've put in a lot of provisions to make sure self-tape auditions have limits (# of pages, no stunts, no nudity, doesn't have to be professionally shot, etc.) which is amazing because these types of auditions have gotten out of control since the pandemic. this feels like a great gain

data transparency: in no world did I think the streamers were ever going to agree to any data sharing with either the wga or sag so even though the data is limited, this still feels huge to me.

folks who sing and dance will be paid for both of those things now, which is great

they've added MLK day and Juneteenth as holidays (about time)

a performer cannot be required to translate their own lines

principal performers are required to be given hair and makeup consultation or reimbursed for obtaining their own services - this seems like a small thing, but it's being put in here pretty much entirely because HMU services have generally been appalling when it comes to textured hair/a variety of skin tones. there's also stuff in here about working to hire more diverse HMU artists

it looks like it's going to be easier/provide a path for folks getting IMDb credits even if they're not credited on screen

miscellany: there's a bunch of gains in wage increases, P&H increases, relocation fees, franchise language etc. that all seem good to me, though my limited knowledge on those subjects prevents me from going in depth on them.

this is not important, but it tickled me, there's a term to replace all instances of "telegraph" in the contract with "email & text" which like...why has it taken us thirty years to do that lol.

the "...hm..."

intimacy coordinators: oof. when I watched the press conference SAG gave, I was fucking thrilled when they said that the new agreement required folks to hire intimacy coordinators for nudity and simulated sex scenes. that was almost reason enough for me to vote for it tbh - not requiring it is the exact reason I voted no on our last contract. however, reading the contract summary now, the exact language is: "Producer must use best efforts to engage an Intimacy Coordinator for scenes involving nudity or simulated sex and will consider in good faith any request by a performer to engage an Intimacy Coordinator for other scenes. Producer shall not retaliate against a performer for requesting an Intimacy Coordinator." this....sucks. "best efforts" and "good faith" are not the same as "required". IMO, an intimacy coordinator is the same thing as having a stunt coordinator or, like, any number of health and safety requirements. OSHA doesn't say you must "in good faith" put your "best effort" to providing fire exits. it's great that performers can request coordinators for any kind of scene, and this is still the strongest language we've ever had in a contract but....c'mon guys.

residuals: look, I can't speak to these new terms in any concrete way. there are increases, there are bonuses for streaming success, there's a whole thing about a fund regarding those successes that I need explained to me more in depth, but overall, it looks like we made some in-roads here. as someone who employs actors under digital distribution contracts that has no residuals (podcasts), I know how genuinely cumbersome the unholy trifecta of "views-success-profit" can be (as in views do not equal success, success does not equal profit, etc.). I also have no sympathy when the majority of companies dealing with that cumbersome trifecta are massive media conglomerates. anyway, long story short, idk if this is good enough, I'm hoping to attend the next info meeting sag has.

the bad

the new hair/makeup provisions are explicitly for principal actors. while I hope it leads to better, more inclusive HMU services all around I haaaate that this implies supporting or background actors (who oftentimes also have to sit in HMU) don't deserve the consideration. (then again, background actors are usually required to do their own HMU/bring their own costumes, but for productions where that's not the case, the same HMU provisions should apply IMO)

as with every contract, there's language that could be stronger, clarity that needs to exist, and important things missing - but this isn't the final contract and I'm not a lawyer, so I'm gonna leave that stuff to the experts.

but, "lauren", you say, "what about all the AI stuff? where does that go?" well, reader, I was planning on including that in the above but it's the hot-button issue right now and I think it's wickedly complicated, so I wanted to break it down separately, after I had a chance to point out all the good-bad-in-between stuff that's not getting talked about.

a note: in my career, I've learned there's two big things to keep in mind when reading a contract you might sign:

what is the worst case interpretation of this language (thank you to my lawyer, prince among men, for teaching me how to do this in practice (that said, anything I say here is not legal advice, he'd also want me to say that lol))

what are you willing to lose/compromise on/what are the limits of your pragmatism? contracts are not about a company giving you everything you want out of the goodness of their heart - it is always a compromise. pragmatism has to be a part of the equation.

so, with that said, I'm going to play a little devil's advocate here, and a) try to find the good/the pragmatic and b) catastrophize the worst case scenario. but first, it might be handy to look at this SAG infographic for some basic definitions. let's go.

the AI good

a ton of stuff here requires consent. that is not a small thing, and the consent continues even after your death (whether it was a yes or no; though this can be complicated by your estate/your union)

the language does establish that the consent must be a separate signing from the employment contract, even if its in the contract, which is great (but more on that below - timing matters)

actors often do get paid for use of their digital replicas, though it's different based on the use/type of replica.

the actor must be provided with a "reasonably specific description of the intended use". this language is vaguer than I would like, because it allows producers to decide what "reasonably specific" and "intended" means - there's always going to be some vagueness when it comes to this specific thing, but a good start would be for producers to require not blanket consent, but conditional consent for each significant use of digital replicas.

if the replicas are being used in other mediums, that must also be consented to, thank god.

replicas cannot be used in place of background actor counts on a given day - if I'm understanding this correctly, this means a production can't just have a bunch of fake background actors by themselves, they have to engage real people up to a certain number first (which in this new contract is 25 for TV and 85 for movies). we're already filling in background with digital people or copy-pasting of the same crowd over and over and have been doing so since at least the late 90s, so it's good we're continuing to put up boundaries around that.

the AI "...hm..."

it's unclear (to me) when an actor can be asked to consent. IMO, everything is meaningless if the consent is happening as part of regular contract negotiations. these things have to happen when - and only when - the actor has already been engaged in a role and feels empowered to say no

the use of independently created replicas (replicas pulled from existing footage, not created by the actor) being allowed without consent under first amendment reasoning - this is obviously concerning a lot of people bc first amendment arguments are so broad. that said, there's a pragmatism part of me that understands this is already happening/has been happening for a while and used in ways I think are perfectly fine - I was just watching the new episode of For All Mankind (one of the best TV shows right now!) and it's an alternate history, which meant that in the opening scenes of this season they had some bonkers good deep fakes of Al Gore saying stuff he never said. I think that's okay to do in a fiction show that imagines a different US history! "but Lauren", you might be saying, "Al Gore isn't a member of SAG!" are you sure? are you positive? because I'm pretty certain he is - he was in several episodes of 30 Rock, way more people are in SAG than you think (every NPR reporter for instance), and the two worst presidents we've had in the last 50 years (yes, those ones), are both definitely members of SAG (even if one is dead). now, the other side of this is that public figures like politicians are under a different social contract than actors, and if they wanted to sue, they could, unlike the average SAG actor who might have their image abused. this is why this is in the "hm" column - deep fakes and parody/satire/commentary use of replicas is already here and there's always going to be a 1st amendment argument to make, so we need to figure out how best to limit those and protect the most vulnerable.

alteration: with this language, a project can digitally alter without consent if the script and performance stays "substantially" the same. again, this language is too mealy-mouthed. I don't know that I have a huge problem with a line of dialogue getting replaced with a digital version of that actors voice if, for instance, a word was mispronounced, or wind garbled the sound or whatever - yes, it would eliminate the need for ADR, but if we put some limit on it like..."if there are more than 5 lines in a given episode/movie that require digital alteration in the service of clarity, the actor must be engaged for an ADR session or paid for the digital replacement" then I could see this being workable. I'm also personally okay with things like costumes being digitally altered but, again, we need limitations on that. digital altering cannot replace the art of costuming but, for instance, if a costume needs to be altered to include a hate symbol or something, I think that's fine (example: I have friends who worked at the VFX house for an alternate history TV show that involved a lot of Nazi costuming and set design - a huge part of that VFX house's job was to put swastikas in places, rather than props making nazi flags. I'm okay with that!) but again, these fringe cases do not a compelling arugment make, and this contract language can be interpreted too broadly for my comfort! like everything else in this "hm" category, I need to see the final contract language to decide.

the AI bad

there's a bunch of circumstances in which actors don't get paid for creating their replica/use of it and those circumstances are too broad for my taste.

synthetic performers - this is just awful. no. no, we should not be allowing AI to generate entire actors. just............no. there's some language about the producers having to talk to the union if the synthetic performer is "used in place of a performer who would have been engaged under this Agreement in a human role" but this doesn't apply to non-human characters so....wouldn't that be all roles?? leaving the producers room to be like "this role has to be synthetic, we never would've cast a human!" is bullshit. also, even if we're having AI create a magical talking unicorn whole cloth (which, like, also no, we have artists for this), that unicorn still needs to be voiced by a human person. this whole section is a disaster.

the exceptions to consent for digital alteration are bad-bad. I talked about the potential ADR replacement above and that has a whole host of issues with it that I didn't even get into, but I can see the argument. the rest are very troubling:

there is an exception under "any circumstance when dubbing or use of a double is permitted under the Codified Basic Agreement or Television Agreement" - okay, so does this mean we can replace dubbing artists and stunt performers entirely? this section is about digital alteration, but who's to say alteration couldn't turn an actor broadly miming a fight into an entirely digital, expertly performed fight that usually a stunt double would have done? with AI translation technology, does this mean we're replacing VO artists for dubs entirely? bad!

similarly, "Adjusting lip and/or other facial or body movement and/or the voice of the performer to a foreign language, or for purposes of changes to dialogue or photography necessary for license or sale to a particular market" - Justine Bateman has a great twitter thread on the terrible puppetry potential of this but I want to draw attention to the particular market bit - we all know that selling to china is such a huge part of studios' strategies that they'll remove entire scenes or lines around queer stuff. to me, this clause makes all of that so much easier. I know the argument here is going to be "we can replace swear words and license it for kids!" which.......sure? fine? but, uh, we already have ways to deal with that? and the potential for abuse here is terrifying to me. with all the digital alteration stuff too, there's just so much icky implication for the beauty/body standard to get so much worse.

if a background actor’s digital replica is used in the role of a principal performer, they'll be paid as if they actually performed the days for that role, which, sure, but uhhhh why are we saying it's okay for a digital replica of a background actor to suddenly be a leading role!?!?! I can't think of anything more demoralizing than going to set to act in background (a job I've done! an important job! a fun job a lot of the time! but creatively limited) and then getting a much bigger role (the dream!) and.....not being able to, you know, act that role or be in scenes with other principal actors or do the thing that you've dedicated your life to doing. nightmare stuff.

woof. there's so much more to say but I'm going to leave it there. these are the concerns I'm going to go into SAG's meetings with, and the concerns I'll be considering as I decide how to vote. I know there are things I didn't address and very possibly things I misinterpreted or misrepresented - if you're an actor, I highly recommend a) reading that Justine Bateman thread and b) attending SAG's meetings to ask questions and express your concerns. and I'd love to hear what y'all think! my ask box is open.

[dylanconrique]

they really weren't kidding about the rom-com vibes in this season.

[cherryys]

ever since 266, I saw many people say that because megumi doesn't want to be a jujutsu sorcerer, that means his conclusion doesn't have to have anything to do with using his technique or completing his domain and that him just getting saved is fine, and that is his purpose in the story, and I completely disagree.

Megumi has always treated his technique as a curse in his life, one he had never wanted and one that had always hindered him. he viewed it as a crutch, a weakness, something that controls him rather than him controlling it as its user. it had dictated his life ever since his birth and subsequently forcing him into the gruel jujutsu world, with his father selling and abandoning him, the expectations placed on him by Gojo to surpass him because of his technique, along with now, Sukuna stealing his body, his autonomy, his agency, and his ability to make a choice along with killing his sister and hurting his friends just because of his technique. Him learning that instead of fearing his technique and treating it as something he'll never control or grasp and that its power is way beyond him, he does have the strength and newfound mindset to control it, be its master and be able to completely understand and interpret his technique would be a great way to conclude his character arc and his rocky relationship with his technique.

him completing his domain doesn't have anything to do with jujutsu sorcery. his domain is a representation of his sense of self, his self-identity, his character, so to speak. it being incomplete from the start was to show you that megumi hadn't grasped his sense of self yet, hasn't found an identity unique to himself outside of wanting to save his sister (and later, yuuji) and his complete disregard for his life in general. his incomplete domain is basically showing you his incomplete character. I just can't really fathom the domain not being completed especially after him being at the climax of his character arc. it's more than just a jujutsu thing for megumi's character, it represents him.

also, megumi's purpose this entire arc to just be saved is hardly a good conclusion to his character. his entire life, he'd been stripped of his autonomy, the power to choose, the power to control his life. that was what reggie's curse was: let fate toy with you, become a clown, then die. his conclusion should be him breaking AWAY from that curse, to stop fate from toying with him, and instead of just laying down and letting life kick him over and over, he stands up and finally kicks back, fights against the circumstances, saves himself, instead of doing nothing and just letting others save him. what would be the point, then? he'd be reduced to a literal plot device, whose entire role in the story is to let his body be taken over by sukuna for his technique, and he doesn't even save himself, he just lets others do the work for him. that would be a horrible conclusion. it wouldn't make his dream of wanting a peaceful life earned for me, not because megumi HAS to be useful or has to prove himself to deserve a simple life, but because he hasn't really changed. he's the same as he was before, letting life toy with him over and over and reduced to just the damsel in distress who constantly needs others to do the work for him.

I want him to fight back. I want him to save himself. I want him to put in the work to change his fate.

[total-drama-brainrot]

i now wanna hear your very long character analysis on how the drama machine affected alejandro

Yeah alright.

So I haven't actually watched All-stars, but I did skim through this video to get a feel for Alejandro's characterisation in it, since All-stars is the only canonical material we get from Alejandro post Drama Machine.

And by skim I really do mean skim; I was mostly looking out for signs of his imprisonment's influence, which for the most part seems to be as follows:

His legs fell asleep.

He developed a minor case of agoraphobia, mostly in the context of sleeping in open spaces.

His standards of human interaction have plummeted; something he's aware and accepting of.

Interestingly enough, he doesn't really seem to acknowledge the volcano itself (outside of an offhanded comment) or the injuries he got from the explosion. His focus is solely on his time in the suit, not what out him there in the first place. He even skirts over a memory loss issue, which could contribute to this.

I'll tackle these three points in more detail, and then give examples of how they can be developed into actual characterisation points instead of (for the most part) gags.

Number one; Leggy McLatin and the paraplegia scheme.

Alejandro's inadvertant and unintentional escape from the Drama Machine, and subsequent readmission into the competition (as himself, instead of as the machine) is, for the most part, entirely focal on the fact that his legs no longer work after his year of entrapment. It's a big deal - or, at least, as big of a deal as any injury or ailment can be in the context of Total Drama, considering that he doesn't miraculously get better in the span of an episode. Of course, we learn fairly early on that he's faking the paraplegia, but it's fairly heavily implied that his legs really were asleep initially (and that, in all likelihood, the massage we see him getting from an intern is what "wakes them up").

What's interesting about this particular plotline choice is that it would, realistically, be entirely feasable for Alejandro to have mobility issues after spending a year inside a robot.

Now, I'm no doctor, nor do I have any formal medical training, but I do know that not being able to move your body for an extended period of time results in a serious case of muscle atrophy. We see in canon that Alejandro was essentially locked in a seated position for the year; his arms, head and (assumedly) torso had place to move around, but he couldn't really stretch out his legs. This would explain the "weakness" of his legs in the first episode - i.e. their wobbliness, and the fact that they couldn't hold up Alejandro's body weight. The numbness he cites would be explained by poor circulation - again caused by him being sat down for a solid twelve months.

Or it could be nerve damage from the eruption, but given that Alejandro doesn't seem to have any long-term issues that stem from the volcano itself, it's unlikely.

So it can be assumed that the numbness of his legs was offset by the massage he gets after the first challenge. The masseuse kickstarts the blood circulation back into his legs, resulting in him regaining sensation in them - enough feeling to notice a crab pinching at his feet.

And, if I really want to reach into headcanon territory/realism, the reason he keeps up the "ruse" is because, despite having feeling in his legs, the muscles there are still fairly atrophied and he has a lot of trouble walking, let alone running, for extended periods of time. Though, as it stands, any long-term impact on his health would be entirely headcanon/fanon territory, due to the nature of the show itself.*

Then there's the psychological aspect to consider. Alejandro's a very prideful person by design - that's evident in both the way he portrays himself and the physical standards he holds himself to. Having use of half of his body stripped away from his is bound to be distressing, perhaps even traumatising. Hence why he tries to make himself as useful to the team as possible despite still recovering; he needs everyone to see that he's still capable.

Eventually his legs fully recover, because this is Total Drama and things like "realistic healing processes" and "lasting damage" don't seem to exist in-universe.

Number two; snug as a bug in a rug.

Alejandro's shown to have started sleeping in a sleeping bag throughout All-stars. He even canonically states that he needs to, because of his time in the Drama Machine. He cites that sleeping whilst srpawled out makes him uncomfortable, unspokenly referring to the fact that, for a year, he'd only had the option to sleep in an incredibly cramped position/environment.

This is interesting since, for the most part, you'd assume that someone held in close-quaters captivity would develop claustrophobia instead of a form of agorophobia, and yet Alejandro seems to have internalised the need to be in an enclosed space to sleep. Maybe it's symptom of just how long be was encased for - a year is a long time - or maybe it started out as claustrophobia, but the indefinate nature of his captivity morphed the initial fear into a twisted sort of coping mechanism.

It begs the question; what else can't Alejandro do in open spaces?

Is he perpetually uncomfortable with the openness of the outside world? Does he resort to hermiting himself into closed-off corners and enclosed rooms, just to feel a semblence of normalcy after he escapes the confines of the Drama Machine? Would he take to wearing tighter but more concealing clothing, just to immitate the feeling/pressure of being trapped in a too-tight enclosure?

Is his need for a snug sleeping space indicitive of him missing his isolated imprisonment?

Which brings us nicely into the third point.

Number three; long-term isolation and the effects thereof.

Alejandro explodes out of a glorified toaster and one of the first things he really comments on is Heather's off-putting personality and her facial hair. In a positive manner. He's so starved for human contact that he attaches himself to the first "friendly"/familiar face he sees, which in this case is Heather, and focuses on the aspects of her that make her human.

If he were a "weaker man", I have no doubt Alejandro would be clambering for attention from his team, mostly for proof that he's no longer completely isolated. It's a well-documented phenomenon; people who experience a long time in isolation, or who suffer through long periods of loneliness, become desperate for socialisation (and physical contact), to the point their immune systems and biological rhythyms (from circadian to infradian) start to deteriorate.

Realistically, Alejandro would've come out of the Drama Machine a desperate and sickly mess, riddled with insomnia and paranoia and incredibly touch-starved. But, as established, the show isn't exactly true-to-life when it comes to things like this, so...

As it stands, the fact that he emerged from his prison and immediately jumped back into his charming persona attests more to the fact that his flirtatious act is so deeply ingrained into his psyche than it does to his mental wellbeing. It could be argued that he's using the same act/mask/persona as a tether to his old self and an anchor to normalcy, as he'd likely crumble into an inconsolable mess without the scaffolding of his "TV personality" keeping him upright (metaphorically of course, as Alejandro is in fact not upright in the show. He's upside down for the majority of his time on All-stars).

Or maybe he's just built different? Who's to say.

We don't exactly know what went down during his year away, so it's impossible to make any concrete statements as to whether Alejandro was afforded the luxury of other people's company, or if he really was kept 100% isolated in the machine. The only thing we do know is that he likely had access to a phone, though didn't have the capability of using it without assistance, since he calls Heather out for never trying to contact him but also states the impossibility of him doing the same in turn.

Number four; lava damage and the lack thereof.

It's sort of explained during his scene at the end of World Tour, but Alejandro's whole "being trapped in the Drama Machine" deal - alongside being a parody of the scene where Anakin Skywalker is first put into the Darth Vader suit - is stated to be for his own benefit. He's essentially being locked away into a healing suit. Again, just like Anakin - they both even sport similar burn wounds.

He mentions at the beginning of All-stars that he doesn't really remember being put into the machine, and it's safe to assume that the majority of his time in the contraption is likely fuzzy to him as well; being fully concious of complete isolation for a whole year would be enough to drive anyone completely mad, and Alejandro is decidedly not insane (for the most part). Ergo, it's also a safe assumption that the inner mechanisms of the Drama Machine act as a sort of stoporous healing chamber, keeping Alejandro semi-concious and healing his various lava burns over the course of his concealment.

Sort of like a medical coma. Inside of a robot. A portable medical coma.

The "healing properties" would also justify why Alejandro's whole body hadn't deteriorated from muscle atrophy, or developed any (visible) burn scars from his stint in the Hot Sauce. Of course, as far as burn scars go, unless they're significantly deep they do tend to fade into near-invisibility over time. That, paired with the ~magical healing properties~ of his confinement, likely resulted in his lava burns scarring over into insignificance.

Then again, I once again have to take cartoon logic into account - the show itself likely just didn't consider the semi-realistic consequences of a year of entrapment, and wanted Alejandro to be near-enough the same character he was at the end of World Tour before the consequences™.

The main point here is this; Alejandro doesn't seem to remember the majority of his injuries following the volcano eruption in the World Tour finale, or if he does he's had a year of semi-conciousness to work through his thoughts and feelings on the matter, and as a result he doesn't seem to carry any (reasonable) trauma regarding lava, volcanoes, or other related stimuli.

He does, however, retain some "quirks" from his time in the machine.

Number five; an overview.

Alejandro comes out of the Drama Machine with a surprisingly little amount of visible trauma, both in terms of physical damage/scarring and observable mental changes.

He developed a very minor case of agoraphobia, spurned on by him becoming accustomed to existing in a very small, very cramped space, but otherwise attunes himself to the outside world incredibly fast.

Is this probably related to his social training, as a diplomat's son, and his heavy reliance on a "suave and charming" persona. He's likely battling with a lot of internal issues throughout the season, but squahing down his inner turmoil under his determination to win, which explains how/why he falls so easily into his scheming mindset - it, in and of itself, is a coping mechanism, though not a very healthy one.

*The paralysis of his legs was in all likelihood genuine, and a result of poor circulatory issues and minor muscular atrophy, which was almost immediately treated by the masseuse intern after the first challenge. Realistically (and how many times have I said that word) he'd have some lasting weakness in his legs, and maybe require the use of a mobility aid and/or physiotherapy. This is not the case, because... Total Drama.

There are subtle signs of the mental impact of his imprisonment, mostly in his immediate attachment to Heather (despite her taking away his reproduction privileges the last time they spoke, and her being Heather) and his innate need to prove himself as useful/capable despite his gameplan riding on him appearing pitiable and unthreatening (due to his "sleepy legs"). He's so starved for social interaction and validation that his actions are directly contradictory to his gameplans.

Though in the case of his Heather attachment, he could just be like that. He was also fairly infatuated with her in the latter half of World Tour, and the pineapple scene speaks for itself.

In conclusion; Alejandro is either completely goated and (for the most part) just shrugged off the trauma of being trapped in a tiny box for a year, or he was already so traumatised that the imprisonment was just another needle in his haystack of turmoil.

[graveyardcuddles]

Astarion when you call him out on his manipulation: "Oh hehe I know, I'm just soooo silly throwing those three little words around, aren't I? But it can be true for...if only for tonight...😏" (Is being eaten alive by guilt and shame).

The Emperor when you call him out on his manipulation: "Be grateful I don't fucking end you right here and now."

[whorejolras]

people really be like "i respect sex workers you're valid uwu" then turn around and say "i hate women who get boobs jobs and botox and lip fillers and wear makeup and get nail extensions or lashes or dye their hair if you do anything to appeal to beauty standards for any reason you're evil" be fucking forreal mate

[allgirlsareprincesses]

Stop calling My Lady Jane stupid! It's not stupid, it's actually a very deliberate and carefully crafted show FFS. They purposely made it anachronistic and whimsical and sexy AF! And it's good at being all those things!

Just like how Bridgerton isn't real history either and it's not trying to be, but it's very good at being a romantic fantasy!

Stop trying to prove you have refined taste and just enjoy things!

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 7 thoughts

hmm. hmm. that is the sound if me pondering what i just watched.

(i understand that this episode was an analysis into mulder's self-destructive behaviors when faced with overwhelming grief, but. that does not mean i enjoyed vampire hookup time)

well. we shall start from the top!

i read that it was an episode about vampires which i thought was a weird narrative choice because. hello. scully still gone??? but then i remembered that i too ignored the main quest in skyrim to hunt some vampires and that i had no place to judge

(granted, my main quest wasn't finding scully though. might have given that a bit more priority than saving the whole world. because she IS my whole world)

we open with a guy that looks like joe biden meeting with an attractive young woman. they're making out in a hot tub and we just know someone is gonna get slurped upon. and woe, it be upon us! double vampire attack.

back in DC, mulder gets his old office back! it's covered in plastic. he takes some of it off. he adjusts his calendar from may to november, so we see how much time he and scully had been assigned to other tasks, which also has me wondering how she managed to get a new house that quick.

(also, this calendar is... scantily clad women posing next to tools such as hammers and saws. was this allowed? was this acceptable? was it normal? were the 90's a lawless wasteland and mulder an irreparable freak?)

well. scully is an x file now, and he puts her glasses and id into an evidence bag and closes the filing cabinet which was sooooo evil. but he can't bring himself to put her necklace away. oh man. oh he's gotta have it in case he finds her. he has to hold her close. i'm Fine this is Fine.

so. he goes out to california to deal with the joe biden looking fellow being murdered. and he is not wanted on the crime scene. we know this because someone greets him by saying "nobody called the bureau" and he says "well, they should have" and lifts up the tape to let himself in. because one thing about him is that he's gonna let himself into a place he isn't wanted.

he sees the writing of a bible verse in blood on the wall and says something about their grasp of biblical knowledge being "feeble and literal" and i was like okayyy need to have a theological discussion with him

he then scares the other guy who originally wanted to kick him out by reciting a LARGE amount of facts related to similar cases and it's very much giving photographic memory. got me thinking, have we ever seen this man forget something? (directions don't count. they're confusing. but everything else sticks in that man's brain)

he just needs one thing: a phone book. which he uses to call a blood bank and ask about a new guy. who must be the vampire who did this!

so he rolls up to the blood bank and i'm over here struggling because i do Not Do Blood, and i knew at this point this was gonna be a tough watch, but i didn't anticipate the non-blood related reasons why this would be true

anyway he's sniffing around the blood bank and he hears some slurping and wouldn't you know, this dude is tearing into a bag of the red stuff like it's a capri sun. somehow he gets him into custody, where the dude refuses to talk because the lights are on, and mulder comes in with a lamp he put a red filter over, because he was prepared for vampire interrogation.

the vampire is going on about how what he did isn't murder because it's not like animals hunting prey is murder which is. not the greatest approach in terms of legal defense. mulder tells the guard that the guy is delusional and it's best to play along, and he believed this to be true... until he, quite literally, burned to a crisp in the sunlight. and died.

he's talking to the coroner and rattling off a bunch of vampire facts and says he didn't believe in vampires which is so funny to me because like. why is that where you draw the line, my friend. not at bigfoot and definitely not at aliens. but man. vampires are just too out there for spooky mulder. until now!

the coroner has a very funny line: "you are really upsetting me... on several levels" which seems to be the general effect fox mulder has on people. and also because i felt the same way about his dumbass actions during this episode.

coroner finds a stamp on the dead body's hand, which seems to come from a nightclub. so naturally our fbi agent ends up there.

you often see posts saying that "(insert character here) should be at the club". i fear that this is not the case for fox mulder, but it's possible that it's his suit and tie that are throwing me off. he just doesn't seem like he belongs there. i ask myself, where should he be instead? perhaps some sort of star wars convention would suit him better. a book signing with some author he likes. idk, an interior decorating festival. not here.

i shall use my verbatim words to walk you through the next scene:

"pause. he's talking to a woman who was looking into a compact without a mirror. so. vampire suspect. and now why are they getting so close together. and getting a drink. okay now they're leaving to a new spot together? AFTER she admits to vampirism"

(here she did some stuff that required me to look away from my screen due to my Weak Constitution. but also it would have felt necessary to look away anyway because it was getting... charged)

she tries to get him to... suck on her finger... but he won't do it because aids. which is fair. i think that's a smart move, actually. it's just that getting flirty with a vampire he knows was involved with a ton of killings was such a stupid move, i don't know why it's now the braincells start to kick in.

that kills the vibe, though, so she gets another guy to take his place and things escalate.

mulder pulls in at a restaurant called ra. nice! the sun god! and he is... through a window, witnessing some more slurping action. he seems to want to intervene and save this poor soul being feasted upon...

but the poor soul is no poor soul at all! he comes out and decks mulder, and delivers this line with stunning conviction: "i don't know who you are, freak, but we're two consenting adults" and with this, he is forced to flee.

and yeah. it made me laugh. my expectations for the genre were subverted. he signed up for that shit! what he did not sign up for, however, was the next part, where he was killed by the other vampires.

cut to investigating the crime scene. mulder has brought along a forensic dentist, which is a job i had no idea you could go into. he needs to see about those bites, which are very human.

next they go to vampire woman's house. it's a very nice place. mulder... opens her oven. and sees a loaf of bread in there. and i'm thinking, man, i hope this doesn't go where i think it's going. baked goods... ovens... i never want a vampire pregnancy arc. but he cracks open the loaf and something red spills out and somehow, this to him means that she is gone and isn't coming back. he can read the signs of the bread. so add that to his resume. what did the bread tell you, my liege?

he seems to have stayed in her house, however, because he's there when she's back, and says he knows she was using the bread as a charm to ward off evil. because apparently that's an eastern european thing, blood bread to warn off evil. sound off if any eastern europeans in the chat wanna confirm or deny.

anyway. he's IN this woman he thinks is a vampire's HOUSE? what the hell. mulder seriously i need you to stop and think. like you should have stopped and done some thinking a while ago. honestly i'm not mad i'm just disappointed. and he's like "i want to save you come with me before they kill you" ohhh big tough man needs to save her huh. make him feel good inside. huh. certainly no ulterior motive here...

she's monologing about her horrible childhood and how sweet blood tastes. um girl. don't lie to him like that. i have busted my lip open before that stuff does NOT taste sweet and dangerous. it's like a penny with rust that you found in a parking lot.

it seems her vampiric origin story, if to be believed, is that things simply got too kinky. which is a new take on the genre.

(it's also about being caught in an abusive relationship and the damage that inflicts, but it seems abusive boyfriend came into vampirism at his kinky parties and things escalated from there. which. well. it blew the eyebrows clean off my head, to be fair)

at this point we see that he is WEARING SCULLY'S NECKLACE? he says something like "it's from someone i lost" and she says that she "hopes he finds her"

i did not like the undertones here and certainly not the overtones. because i knew where this was going. he was shaving in her bathroom. and let me tell you something: there is only ever a shaving scene in media because the writer needs a way to get some blood out of someone's body and into the real world. and man. i knew it was coming.

but what i didn't see coming was her SHAVING HIM??? girl. i am uncomfy. and she does, of course, cut him, and then they kiss. aggressively. terribly aggressively. can anyone answer what was going on in a satisfactory manner?

but the gag is: the original vampire- who burnt to a crisp in the jail cell, and was the abusive ex she spoke of- HE'S WATCHING THEM THROUGH THE WINDOW!

he breaks in and taunts the vampire woman about how he had to "wait for her to finish" and i was like cool. thank you SO much for that mental image i'm super happy with it. i definitely don't feel like i need a shower. but then he's going on about how he can't be killed.

here, at the tail end of the episode, we learn the rules of vampirism in this world: a vampire cannot be killed by a non-vampire. and a non-vampire BECOMES a vampire by consuming the blood of a believer and also taking a life. it is only here we realize that this woman is not an actual vampire yet, she just appropriates their culture by drinking blood unnecessarily.

mulder's still sleeping in her bed and she's like "you need to leave" and she stabs the wall to make her evil ex think she's killing him. but when they go to break out, mulder ties him up quite handily and he gets in the car to escape with vampire woman. until ANOTHER vampire woman jumps on the hood of their car. and main vampire woman knocks her out for a bit by running into her with said car, which is super effective.

mulder's leaving the place in shambles, his shirt still unbuttoned, wandering down the side of the hill. back at the house, now that we know the vampire rules, main vampire woman says she can finally kill the evil vampire ex. and he's like how!! you haven't had the blood of a believer or taken a life. so. she licks the blood off her hands (unclear if it's hers or mulders tbh) and says she'll take her own life. and drops a match after pouring gasoline.

so. that brings that to an end. and shabby looking mulder sits on a hill as he learns all four in the house died.

the episode ends with him playing with scully's necklace. which i don't even sort of feel like unpacking right now but maybe another time.

probably not, though, because i just didn't like this episode. and yeah, a lot of it comes down to me not wanting to see mulder hook up with people who aren't scully. can you blame me? is it so wrong to have preferences in this world?

but also, narrative wise- do you honestly see the guy fucking off to cali while scully's still missing to deal with an unrelated problem instead of devoting every hour of his life to finding her, like we saw him do in the last episode? you expect me to think he just puts it off for a lil while? the guy who, just last episode, pulled his gun on the ski lift operator to get to the top where she might be a little faster, and then choked his one and only suspect out of fury? you're thinking this is the guy that's gonna go soak up some west coast rays?

and yeah, he was obviously not himself through the episode- very cold and analytical- but c'mon. we all want to bang a vampire. he's not special. i just personally wouldn't do that if my friend were gone. like how is that gonna help the situation. be so for real. time and place!

and also the whole only learning the rules of being a vampire about 5 minutes before they need it to be plot relevant. that annoyed me too.

overall, mulder, like i said, i'm not mad, just disappointed.

let me know what you thought on this episode- i try to not be a hater, but i also understand that hating in small doses can be good for the soul. if it's a widely beloathed episode i'll feel better in my judgement as i join a long tradition of haters who have come before me.

[seriousturd]

Happy Pride to that chase scene

[a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual]

Clone wars headcanons that took me forever to edit

I feel like my last couple of headcanons have been mushy so I’ve decided to write some shit Ahsoka and Anakin do that piss each other off 

Ahsoka bites the skin around her nails all the time and most of the time she won't stop till they’re bleeding 

Anakin’s tried literally everything in the book to get her to stop 

He tried putting spices on her hands forgetting that she likes spicy food, he’s tried painting her nails (like that’ll do anything) but she keeps picking the paint off, now he just uses the force to remove them from her mouth 

That’s gotten a few growls from her but at least it makes her aware she’s doing it but it doesn’t stop her from bitting them a couple of seconds later

Honestly he’s given up and just sits in silence while she complains about the pain

Anakin paces whenever he’s even slightly nervous and she can tell how nervous he is depending on how fast he moves 

If he’s just kinda anxious he moves pretty slow but if he’s like one shirt caught on a door handle away from a panic attack he’s teleporting 

When Padme told him he was gonna be a dad he was ecstatic for about 24 hours but after that some invisible timer went off in his head he booked it to Ahsoka’s house (she lives down the street cause of course she does)

Walked into her room and woke her poor sleepy butt up with all his pacing 

Girl swears to this day he broke the damn sound barrier with how fast he was moving 

She just wordlessly sat up and patted her bed cause she knew she wasn’t gonna get any sleep until he did 

She sat by him and listened as he rattled off all his worries and only really stepped in when the darker thoughts surfaced when it was all said and done she turned to him and said “Now let me kriffing sleep” 

Should he have probably left the room yeah but he got a total of 30 minutes of “sleep” that night so it’s not surprising that he knocked the fuck out of

Padme was a little bit alarmed to wake up without Anakin but was quickly soothed when she read Ahsoka’s message “Your nerf herders with me” 

She knew the pregnancy would dredge up some unhappy feelings and she also knew Anakin can’t think clearly if he doesn’t have Ahsoka to sort through the bullshit in his head 

She just got ready for brunch with her two favorite people and smiled cause she knew Obi-Wan and Rex would join them for dinner with or without an invitation 

When Anakin and Ahsoka were living together they would kick each other out of their own bathrooms 

Why? Well Ahsoka said Anakin’s had better lighting and water pressure and Anakin would do it to spite Ahsoka because he knew it would piss her off  

Slowly but surely their stuff gets moved into each other's bathrooms and it’s a weird amalgamation of crap 

Also when they were living together Anakin would ask Ahsoka if she was hungry before cooking and she’d often say no because she didn’t want to impose but his cooking always looked and smelled good 

So half the time girl would just end up eating some of his food when she thought he wasn’t looking 

At first he was like “Snips you said you weren’t hungry” to which she would respond “Yeah I wasn’t hungry then but I am now” after that he starts making more food on instinct cause damn that girl can eat 

Anakin gets back at her pretty easily tho by taking the first bite of her food whenever they go out to eat his excuse is that he’s “making sure it’s not poisoned” he never does this to Padme cause he respects her too damn much 

And he can’t use that trick on Obi-Wan and Rex cause the former taught him the trick and the latter has a bullshit detecter built-in 

Both Anakin and Ahsoka pull that trick on the twins tho (which gets them a quick scolding from Padme) 

Speaking of the twins it’s not surprising that as they grow up they realize that their auntie isn’t human so of course like any normal child they have questions and Anakin being the little shit that he is spots an opportunity for some laughs 

So he turns to the twins all serious-like and goes “Well my loves we actually found your auntie in a dumpster we have no idea where she came from” the twins are distraught and go to the nearest adult who just so happens to be their uncle Rex 

And Rex also being a little shit backs up Anakin’s story with so much sincerity that even Anakin believed it a little bit 

The twins being the angels they are apologize to their auntie for her terrible origin story with tears in their eyes and her reaction more than made up for the swift ass-kicking the boys got  

When Anakin was taller than Ahsoka he made her life hell by making fun of her every time something was even slightly out of her reach

He would make a big deal about grabbing it for her while commenting about how the temple’s architecture wasn’t made with the “young ones” in mind 

Obi-Wan has turned multiple blind eyes when Ahsoka socked the shit out of his arm when he tells one too many jokes some days

When she finally grows taller than him she makes the biggest deal about it and no one can blame her 

While Anakin is the pilot Ahsoka is easily the navigator she often jokes that Anakin wouldn’t find his way out of bed without help 

Which is funny cause he often acts like a herding dog with her putting his hand on her back or holding her arm to guide her 

But he’s wrong 9/10 times so it’s not uncommon to see Anakin guiding her in one direction and then see him get dragged in the opposite direction a couple of minutes later