#i'm actually saying overlapping things so if it's not clear that's on me but you know.

[unexpectederawhilesubmitting]

WARNING: DOCTOR WHO SPOILERS EXPLAINING REGENERATION SHENANIGANS

-------------------

okay so I was kind of not on board with the concept of bi-regeneration, mainly because of how it seemed like all of the Sad and the Trauma that the Doctor had undergone got kind of handwaved away? i'm all for ncuti's Doctor being sort of a fresh start/jumping on point for new viewers, but i didn't get how that could work if like, literally 40 minutes ago he was David Tennant being a sad wet puppy dog of a man

however, after rewatching it, i've realized what i think happened there, and it goes all the way back to something introduced with the 4th doctor's regeneration that was never explained: the Watcher

^this spooky guy

so, for those that don't know (or haven't seen every episode of a show that is over half a century old), the Fourth Doctor regenerates at the end of a story called Logopolis (he falls off a satellite dish, but that's not important right now). all throughout the episode, this weird figure, The Watcher, stands off in the distance, and even intervenes slightly by saving the Fourth Doctor's companion. there's not much given in the way of an explanation until the Fourth Doctor regenerates, saying "it's the end. but the moment has been prepared for..."

the watcher walks up, and gets absorbed in a super rad 1980's digital effect (never change doctor who), while his companion just gives us the not-super-helpful-for-lore statement "He was the Doctor all the time!"

then, in a crossfade, the Doctor goes from Four to weird-powder-man to Five

canonically, the Watcher is explained as a future version of the doctor that comes about in sort of a weird overlapping thing with the doctor's timeline, it's very wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey.

-------------------------

SO what does this have to do with biregeneration and satisfying character arcs/moving on from trauma?

Well, remember, Fifteen said this, about Time Lords doing rehab out of order:

so, here's the thing: Fifteen is the Doctor AFTER Fourteen (duh, I know?) But to be clear...Fourteen lives out an entire lifetime with Donna and family, gets to a ripe old age, and then, when his lifetime of healing is over, he gets yeeted back through his own timestream just to zoot himself out of David Tennant's chest.

Remember, his first words to Fourteen (after popping out of his chest) are "So good to see you! So good!", not the RTD classic "what?". He greets himself like he's almost expecting this, he then says "does anyone want to tell me what the hell is going on here?" which only makes sense if he's coming from a different point in his own timestream (remember, when two doctors interact, memory gets really weird, 10 and the War Doctor don't remember the events of Day of the Doctor until they live through them as 11).

SO TO BE CLEAR: Ncuti Gatwa is playing the Doctor AFTER he has spent years healing from his traumas. His Doctor is fine because Fourteen takes the time to rest and work on himself.

tl;dr: I didn't like biregeneration at first because I thought it looked like this:

In actuality, it looks more like this:

[maxzinn]

off topic but also on topic its so clear that the genshin/star rail (saying both cause theres a large overlap) have no capability of thinking.

there are so many fics where *reader* somehow becomes a (sex)slave or is forced to do horrible shit and just general dead dove behavior. the fact that the author used INGAME LORE, CANON BACKSTORY FOR THE CHARACTER proves how braindead so many people are.

like people try to free slaves/captors in media isnt a new thing. theres a lot of art of that angelhusk ship where one gambles for the others freedom (never watched it but its an example)

like having slaves/captors in media isnt new and never has been but the only reason people truely care is because its a hoyoverse game and cant handle anything darker or complex then a PG rating

(sorry anon, I got carried away with this one tee-hee)

YOU'RE SO REAL FOR THIS!!! y'know I was sooo confused when people started screaming for blood when the authors are using his IN-GAME LORE in their fics and then claims that the people who enjoyed writing those have "white-knight syndrome" like cmon sjsadhjg you're giving me a fucking stroke.

I'll say it again, wanting to give slave aventurine or someone a better life DOESN'T mean they have "white-knight syndrome" when they have good intentions!!! We were all were crying for him and his tragic past, we all wanted to comfort him, and we at some point also wished for his salvation and the betterment of his life. These people need to stop throwing these "white-knight syndrome" accusations cuz it's definitely not about that. And like you said, it was his IN-GAME LORE. I already expected some authors to write about reader saving him from his slavery and there's nothing wrong with that! Cuz please, don't tell me you won't help the guy out of his abusive owner, let's be fr here.

Like you also said, many have been writing yandere/heavy dark themes about reader being literally SA'd and R'd by said character (do not tell me you guys haven't read all those fics where Aven was our debt collector and in paying our debt, he noncon or manipulated us into sleeping with him 💀) and now they wanna talk about morals?

And please, don't even try bringing up Romania or irl people in here. IT'S A FICTIONAL RACE IN A FICTIONAL STORY. it may be "inspired" like they said, but it's not directly addressing Romania!!

I get their point alright, I truly do. Like I said in my other post, I do not condone the sex slave! aus about aventurine and the master/slave bdsm cuz his story truly hurt me and I'm uncomfortable sexualizing his slavery when I know about his story and what happened to him as a slave. But I won't go as far as to actually send death threats to those authors and act like a hypocrite💀 people can write what they want to write and I don't have to read those writings if I don't wanna.

Just to say, I'm a yandere/dark-content enjoyer as well, it's just that I draw the line when it comes to aventurine cuz I just wanna cuddle and dote on that man and give him all the love and affection in the world. but like I said, am no hypocrite as well. (sorry if I can't explain it very well but I hope you get the gist of it)

It's just funny and baffling how people are like "eww this person wrote a fic about reader buying slave aventurine so they can be a good owner to him".... this is leaving me speechless how they turned an act with good intentions into something malicious... that poor author doesn't even have bad intentions when writing that fic.

When you apply their logic, it's like saying "this person adopted an abused child so that they can be a good parent to that child, disgusting" do they even realize how stupid they sound??? 😭

[piosplayhouse]

Hi! I came across a post complaining about the guy yuri poll and discourse aside, I vaguely remember you made a post about what is yaoi and what is yuri? I dunno if I dreamed this post up, but I've scrolled and scrolled and I can't find it. So, I wanted to ask (if you don't mind answering >.<), what is yaoi/yuri? (beyond the basic definitions) What counts as guy yuri and girl yaoi?

Uwaa ok so I will say Im planning to actually write a paper on this but I haven't done much research yet so ask in a few months and you'll hopefully have a better answer with cited sources. But here is a bit of what I'm conceptualizing at this point (corrections and additions very welcome!)

What set me down this path really was of course the fantastic Yaoizine hosted by tshirt3000, which includes a rather poignant author's note about broadening the definition of yaoi in public to the abstraction. Indeed, the actual origin of the term "yaoi" is an acronym for "yamanashi, ochinashi, iminashi" (plotless, climaxless, meaningless) from 70s doujinshi spheres wherein it was used as a somewhat self-degrading term to define a specific type of porn-without-plot self-indulgent indie fancomic. These were of course, mostly of the male-male variety. However, as the Yaoizine makes clear, there's not really an inherent gendering within the word in any sense but genre expectation-wise. This becomes particularly salient in the case of perhaps one of the most famous wlw romances out there, Revolutionary Girl Utena. Tshirt cites an interview with the creator of the anime, Ikuhara Kunihiko, where he refers to the relationship between the two main female characters (among other things) as yaoi, recontextualizing the term from merely a mlm genre into a statement on the dynamics of power and consumption as they relate to gender-- an act of sexual passion paired with a reversal of societal norms = yaoi in this case, which is why utenanthy fits perfectly within the term.

Conversely, yuri (lily) is a bit more difficult to analyze from a gender-neutral perspective as it originated not as a counterpart to yaoi, but instead as a counterpart to bara (rose, a term used to refer to erotic gay male content) used when lesbians would write in to gay magazines trying to hook up and whatnot. However, it's pretty agreed upon that the genre grew out of Class S literature, a type of literature based on girls, often senpai and kouhai, going to an all-girls school together and experiencing a connection that straddles the thin line between romance and homosociality. Homosociality like this among women has historically been and to this day remains somewhat under the radar and perceived as a "phase" or an amateur attempt at romance before a woman eventually marries a man. This is where we see significant overlap between pre/early modern Japanese male homosexual literature and lesbian literature, where homosexuality is seen as a youthful phase that will inevitably be grown out of (as in the case with the chigo system, LUG (lesbian before graduation), etc). Essentially, it was very common for the characters of early modern queer literature (mostly written by queer authors btw) to have brief and passionate schoolyard flings before graduating onto "normal" sexuality. Of course, these narratives fell out of style and are considered dead today, but their remnants can still be seen in the subsequent shojo and modern gl manga boom. The yuri that grew from this in the beginning was usually explicitly erotic, but still somewhat held onto the predominant themes of schoolgirl innocence and youthful beauty. Over time, meanings and terminology shifted, and the "yuri" we use today is more interchangeable with "gl", meaning it's not so much of an indicator of explicit content as "yaoi" is. However, I would still argue that one of the largest indicators of a story's "yuri factor" (if you could say that) is its ties to the establishing homosociality progressed into homoromantic relationship genre expectation. Of course, there are many wlw stories that subvert this, (as there are many mlm stories that subvert the yaoi or even bl template) but to me, if you were to compare yaoi and yuri's theming, yaoi's focus tends to skew more towards the intimacy in explicit eroticism, while yuri looks more into the implicit eroticism in intimacy. If that makes sense.

Of course, when looking into "boy yuri" there's also a transfem-coding factor to consider, which I think is what the majority of people have in mind when they refer to a couple as "boy yuri". Historically, there is massive precedent for feminization between male queer couples in historical Japanese literature, as well as in early modern relatives of bl, mainly Inagaki Taruho's work, so it would be somewhat disingenuous to say feminization is a purely modern, female-created phenomenon. But anyway, those are my (somewhat messy and likely inaccurate) thoughts so far, let me know what you all think. Have a happy yaoimas and merry new yuri, as they say.

[jennycalendar]

back to btvs blogging to fix my brain a little i wanna talk about why jenny/ethan would function like calendiles except more insane and probably worse.

first off -- @ethanrayne was the one who fully converted me to how excellent the notion of bisexual ethan is, simply because ethan sharing the same desires and inclinations as giles and pivoting to the exact opposite end of the spectrum creates this excellently absurd warped mirror where they're both somehow overcompensating. trying to distance themselves from something and furious at this person who is able to inhabit this aspect of themselves that they themselves find abhorrent. giles could date men but he doesn't and won't because it's wrong so OBVIOUSLY he is going to live in a constant state of rigorous self-flagellation and boxed-in misery. ethan could date women but he doesn't and won't because then he's living within the confines of the system so CLEARLY the only path forward is to embrace selfish reckless hedonism. see what i'm saying here???

moving towards jenny/ethan with that in mind: i think ethan overlaps in key ways with both jenny and giles enough that he and jenny would get along OUTRAGEOUSLY well under particularly specific sets of circumstances. jenny and ethan both have a thirst for adventure (it's why giles likes them!) which means that they would both very likely have a hell of a lot of fun doing all the crazy party things that giles inevitably draws the line at. (the man does have limits.) they're both playful, flirtatious, sarcastic, and absolute unmitigated disasters who think they're cooler and more capable than they actually are. on that level alone they would get along really well.

BUT ALSO: ethan and giles are super similar in that they are so so mired in a decision they made in their early twenties and so resistant to change! despite ethan talking all the big talk about being freer than giles and more honest than giles, he is playing a very specific role just the same as giles is. he refuses to ever be there or be real. he would, i think, so easily see jenny as ripper's tiresome attempt at heterosexuality, as that's what fits most easily into his extremely limited concept of who giles is, and then actually meeting her and seeing her with giles and realizing that this is someone gorgeous, smart, funny, & completely in the loop re: giles's sordid history -- choosing to be with him not Because Of ripper or In Spite Of ripper but because she loves the whole complete man -- ethan would try and play mind games with jenny and she'd decimate him with her pinky finger and he would have that same moment as giles where it's like. i underestimated you SO thoroughly. i am at your mercy.

& ethan and giles are ALSO super similar in that we see them both in a romantic connection (giles with jenny, ethan with giles) where they are basically begging to be kicked around. jenny likes kicking people around. there is a very clear thing that could happen here.

[satanfemme]

actually it's something I've been thinking about a lot lately how there's not a clear line between my "sfw" therian dog identity vs my fetish petplay identity. and I was exposed to enough "keep kink out of pride, if you so much as wear a collar around a non-consenting stranger you're evil" discourse growing up that I will say the lack of clear distinction makes me feel bad sometimes, and makes me question whether it's even "ok" for me to be a dog around other people in any context. but at the same time, if I ignore how I think I'm "supposed" to feel about it, I'm actually super at peace with the concept. because to me it feels similar to how there's no clear distinction between being a "sfw" human vs a sexual human either. if normal people can do things like wear sexy dresses around strangers, then there's no reason someone like me can't wear a collar I find sexy. sex is a normal part of being an adult human, and it's normal for our other interests and identities to overlap with it. this doesn't taint the interest or identity, it just shows another side of it. anyway there's no real point to this post. this is just something I've been musing over and trying to find peace with.

[justyourtypicaltuesday]

So What's Up With Logan? - a speculating post for the season 2 finale

While I, like everyone else, am anticipating the season finale, I thought I might as well summarise my thoughts in a post.

In LNTAO, Logan outright explains he's irritated with being repeatedly ignored.

"There will be times in which I must be heeded and given our... current circumstances... I clearly haven't been."

This really stands out to me. It's no secret that due to being consistently talked over, shut up and disregarded, Logan's struggling to deal with his emotions- and keep up the facade he puts up pretending he doesn't have any. This is only evidenced further when he throws paper at Roman. But this quote almost feels like foreshadowing, suggesting that there will come a time Logan's the only side with the right answer, and because of the sides and c!Thomas' practice, they won't listen to him and will exacerbate the problem doing so.

Another interesting quote from LNTAO is hidden in plain sight- the overlapping verses from Logan and Thomas in Incomplete.

"This just serves as a testament to the fact that you have a temperament, which is fine, you just haven't accepted it, if you'd let them finish they'd get to the-"

"This just serves as a testament to the fact that to me you're negligent, which is fine, it just works to your detriment, you not letting me finish is proving my-"

Both verses here provide context into Logan's character. This confirms that c!Thomas is fully aware that Logan has emotions, specifically a temper, and that, in his eyes, the song was an attempt to get Logan to accept that part of himself. This could be setting up a very powerful scene in the finale, Janus and/or Thomas confronting Logan at a point when Logan pretending he doesn't have emotions is actually damaging Thomas as a whole.

Additionally, Logan feels neglected by Thomas. That's a word which is not used lightly. He points out that being ignored is actively causing detriment to Thomas, which he conveniently doesn't hear as he's talking (singing?) over him at this point in time.

They're both right. Logan is ignored to the point of detriment, but he also thinks highly of himself ("I'm the most important side here!") and often disregards the others' contributions until he's actively proven wrong. This is a repeated character flaw of Logan's. It's also seen Growing Up, Moving On, and even in Asides like Can Plushies Improve Our Health?. While Logan's been the cause of minor conflicts in the series, having him cause a problem on a scale similar to Patton in POF would be intriguing to see from a narrative standpoint. It's clear that in the latest episodes, Logan is struggling and maybe at some point soon, constantly being antagonised by c!Thomas and the other sides is going to have an effect.

This brings me to WTIT. This is the last plot-dependent episode we've had, so it naturally is where a lot of my theories are coming from. While we can see a lot of Logan's progress as a character- specifically in prioritising Thomas' mental health- we also see his lowest point so far. Thomas' mental health has been steadily declining since SvS, introducing Remus, the discussions during POF and this episode all make it obvious. And this is reflected in Logan. Despite taking precautions and relaxing the schedule so Thomas feels comfortable, Logan loses his cool when he yells at Remus. What the orange eyes mean is TBD, but Logan's emotions in that moment say one thing and one thing only: he can't keep it down much longer. Each time we see Logan lately, he's been more and more distressed. In LTNAO, he throws paper at Roman, in SvS he's left out. In DWIT he's exasperated the whole time trying to calm down the others. In POF he's clearly done with exerting any amount of effort getting them to listen to him. And here is the result of all that pent up anger.

"I just want to help Thomas become the best version of himself he can be, and in order to do that, he needs to listen to me. Unlike yours, my methods aren't the flashiest, and it's not very often I get the chance to get through to him. Please understand my insistence on the matter."

The words right before his outburst mean a lot too. Logan's been already established as a perfectionist, but here he outwardly admits his goal is to improve Thomas as much as possible. We've already seen c!Thomas second-guessing himself because of difference in opinion between sides, so here's an opportunity to explore Janus v Logan conflict. Logan questioning Janus' advice to Thomas to take it easy could mean that the rest isn't as effective as it could be and cause a problem they'll need to discuss. Logan's been largely absent from Janus-related episodes, so an argument in which Janus explains Thomas has worth as he is while Logan is focused on perfectionism and improvement is not unbelievable at this point in the story.

On the topic of Janus, I believe he's going to play a huge role in Logan's character development. The main thing holding Logan back is that he's lying to himself. He repeatedly insinuates and sometimes outwardly states that he doesn't have feelings, and both c!Thomas and Janus know this is a lie.

"I don't feel anything."

"Oh, of course you don't."

My theory is that Janus, as practically a living lie detector, is going to confront the sides about the lies they tell themselves, and being more truthful about themselves will help Thomas long-term. While this can be explored for each side, I'll save that for a post for another day and point out how specifically Logan's lie about not having feelings is already questioned multiple times in the series, setting it up to be confronted soon.

In conclusion, my speculations for the season finale are:

Logan's going to have another outburst- in full view of c!Thomas and the other sides this time, and it will have to be addressed.

Janus/Thomas and Logan are going to confront each other, Logan over being repeatedly ignored and sidelined, and the others over Logan consistently lying about not feeling emotions.

Logan is going to be the outright antagonist in at least one episode of the finale, along the lines of Patton in POF.

On the contrary, in one episode Logan will have the right answer, but be ignored because... well, duh.

Janus v Logan conflict is going to be a large plot point- addressing perfectionism and to what extent you should accept yourself as you are and to what extent you need to work on growth.

If you got this far, thanks for reading. It's my first post as a blog and I hope you enjoyed reading my guesses to what we'll see surrounding Logan in the finale. I'm planning on continuing with in-depth analysis of other sides and other theories I have, but so far this is what I've gathered in regards to Logan's direction at this point in the series.

[cuffmeinblack]

Alright I'm sick of the vagueposting because apparently some of you can't talk about how they really feel to people. You know, like adults.

First point. If you actually think I purposely plagiarised a fic idea, honestly just block me and fuck off so I never have to see you again. I've put far too much mental and emotional energy into this fandom to be disrespected like that, especially to then have my character attacked in such a ironically sly way on a public forum. Coming from people who have previously admonished others for vagueposting, that's pretty fucking hypocritical. I don't care enough to try to fix any sort of relationship I had with the person, since they made it pretty clear what they thought of me.

I'm a generally good person and I'm not going to let some random on the internet tell me otherwise.

In the interest of clearing up the plagiarism allegation whatever the fuck that's about, I'll say that I've never actually read the so-called plagiarised fic, and barely interacted with any public posts about it's conception. I actually do not want to, especially since I have many, many ideas and headcanons for Azkaban and HP/HL in general having been a Wizarding World fan for literally most of my life and that's what I'm interested in writing about. I don't tend to crowdsource my ideas and rarely post about what I'm writing about. As far as I can tell the only crossover is Azkaban and a degree of angst, and if that's actually it then you need to re-evaluate why the hell you're even in a fandom.

Amazingly since we're drawing on common source material there will no doubt be overlap. I'm also not going to wait months for the other fic to be finished because...why? It's not a fucking competition. If you must know, mine was loosely based on an idea I had for Garrinis which also involved Azkaban and a dark MC, which I had last Summer.

There's been so much drama in this fandom lately it's quite honestly ridiculous, and nobody seems to be able to talk to anyone else without public bashing. If you don't like what someone else is doing or saying, shutup and move on or talk to them. An incredible concept, I know. I had a disagreement a couple of weeks ago, I talked to the person, and we're totally fine and she's one of my favourite people in this fandom.

I'm aware this post might just crash and burn my reputation as much as the bullshit allegations but you know what I do not care anymore. Yes I'm aware that I'm not exactly helping with this post but my god I'm just angry and some things just need saying. I don't make a habit of doing stuff like this and am generally quite nonconfrontational.

Sometimes I do wonder why I'm still here and have concluded that it's probably a sunk cost fallacy, yet I'm here because I'm stubborn and despite all this shit I still love the characters enough to want to tell stories about them. Writing brings (brought) me a lot of joy, and I've finally decided to try doing it 'properly' but my god this toxicity needs to stop because this is exactly what stifles creativity, drives people away and kills fandoms.

[project-sekai-facts]

VBS event teaser commentary

Sorry for not doing this last month. Again. Yeah I know I'm doing it just before the actual preview drops who even cares.

As per the norm, the teaser is just based on the jacket art so there's not a whole lot we can learn there. We know that cards are sometimes based on the song though, so maybe we can guess something there. Personally this gives me a retro nightclub sort of feel, and I'm kinda surprised they haven't done something like that with VBS yet, doubly so when you consider the Gekkou teaser had a very retro feel (I'm grasping at straws atp I've wanted this for two years lol).

Okay, so actual plot predictions time. I reckon this will be another POU or LUTF situation where the event focuses somewhat heavily on a side character. Ah, well, less so "I reckon" and more "Break Down the Wall foreshadows that this event will focus quite a bit on Arata and Souma". Based on bdtw, I think the event is going to focus on two things which heavily overlap with Toya's arc: Toya's feelings towards music, and getting Arata to rejoin the group.

The game has drawn parallels to the relationships between Akito & Toya and Arata & Souma since POU, with Toya outright quoting Kaito's statement from pou about their similarities in bdtw. Toya is able to relate to how Arata feels because their experiences with their partners are very similar. Akito and Souma are the ones who got Toya and Arata into the street music scene and shared their dreams with the other. Because of this similarity, Toya is able to put himself in Arata's shoes somewhat. I'm writing this very late so this is not clear what I'm getting at at all. Basically it's about partners. Toya is the best one to try and reason with Arata, and it's probably why this was his job given to him by Ken. R Sound Design says the song has a focus on relationships between the characters, so to say this will be a big part of the event is not a stretch at all.

(TL by pjsekai_eng)

And connecting to that: Toya (and Arata's) feelings about music. Toya's bdtw chapter also focused a lot on his feelings towards music, and how he'd grown to love it again thanks to Akito and VBS after his bad experiences with classical music as a child. Once again we're right back to the partners thing. Toya talks about his feelings towards music in woao as well, which also happens to be the event where Souma explains the story behind Gurney Flap's formation, and how he was able to get Arata to love music as much as he does. The key difference between Toya and Arata's stories though, is that Toya was able to move on from the past and his trauma. Toya seems to realise that Arata's past is affecting him in bdtw, and Taiga also pointed this out in lutf. While his relationship with his family is by no means mended, Toya was at least able to start healing with the help of his love of street music. On the other hand, Arata is very clearly still grieving the loss of Souma as his partner, and it's what's been holding him back this entire time. I could easily see Toya having a heart to heart with Arata in regards to their feelings towards music and their friends/partners. In a perfect world they do what they did in lutf where they explained a lot of the RADder backstory but for Gurney Flap this time, but I don't want to get attached to that idea. I think at the very least explaning what exactly happened to Souma could happen though.

Oh and on the off chance this ends up being An5, it'll be about her feelings towards Kohane. As in, her insecurities that have been showing up since Bout for Beside You about Kohane essentially becoming too good for her. Like with Toya this was heavily foreshadowed in her bdtw chapter and cards, as well as at the end of kiuan over a year ago. Combine An's grief over Nagi with her insecurities over Kohane and Kohane carrying Nagi's spirit in the sense of her singing, and you have an event story.

[scientia-rex]

Some Thoughts on Antipsychotic Medications

Ok, enough of you seemed interested in this when I asked in my antidepressant post (don't ask me for a link, search my goddamn tumblr for it, oh my GOD people were so lazy about my post on bariatric surgery). Once again, this is NOT medical advice, medical advice must be TAILORED TO THE INDIVIDUAL, that's the whole POINT of a professional field, literally every answer is "it depends" and without being your doctor, which I better not be because if you're my patient reading this I need to nuke my entire social media presence, I can't give you good advice and I wouldn't anyway because I already work 115% time and I'm very tired and you don't pay me.

There's a lot of crossover between "antipsychotic" and "mood stabilizer." I don't have as much experience with antipsychotics as I do with antidepressants, but more than your average bear. So you may see a med here and go "wait, what?" because of that overlap.

It's also worth discussing what psychosis is. There are a lot of media representations, and they are generally very stupid and bad. About 3% of the population will have a psychotic episode in their lifetime, so keep that in mind when you're talking about psychosis. There's about a 1 in 30 chance that the person you're talking to will actually have had psychosis, and a much higher chance that someone they know or love will. So don't be a dick about it. Psychosis involves losing the ability to distinguish what is reality and what is not. It seems to involve overactivity of dopaminergic transmission in specific brain pathways. It tends to be very frightening for its sufferers, although not always. Psychotic symptoms can range from a persistent delusion--I have one patient who is quite simply certain that they have worms in their lungs, despite all the tests indicating that they don't--to hallucinations of voices, to visual hallucinations, and any combination of those. Delusions and hallucinations are often negatively valenced, which means that they make the sufferer feel bad in some way, whether it's an auditory hallucination of someone telling you you're the devil, or a delusion that you're being persecuted by conspiracies for unclear reasons, or hallucinations of shadowy figures out of the corner of your eye. Delusions, when I see them in my patient, often reflect a patient's deepest fear. I had one patient who was a caregiver and they were fixated on the idea that there was a conspiracy of people watching them and setting up "tests" to make sure they weren't hurting patients or doing drugs.

It's also worth mentioning meth. Meth is one of the major causes I see of psychotic symptoms (especially since I'm in a rural area), and you need to understand that the longer and the more you do meth, the higher the likelihood of persistent psychotic symptoms. When I was a med student on an inpatient high-acuity psych ward, I had a very pleasant gentleman who'd been doing meth for years. It's tough to get a clear history, but my impression was that he probably hadn't developed psychotic symptoms until multiple years into daily use of meth--but now, despite being on the ward for over a week, there was no sign of the psychosis going away. He believed he could say things to passing cars and the sound would travel with the car, and someone miles away would hear it. He also believed there were indistinct white figures who hovered around his campsite. (He was homeless.) Meth can break your brain. Don't do meth.

The original antipsychotics are old school. We're talking the 1930s. Promethazine was developed in the process of trying to come up with antihistamines. First-generation antipsychotics are dopamine antagonists, and that means that they're blocking a large proportion of dopaminergic transmission both in the brain pathways related to psychotic symptoms, but also in the pathways related to reward, which sucks. When you think of "antipsychotics," this is most likely what you're thinking of unless you have personal experience with antipsychotics. First-generation antipsychotics include haloperidol (Haldol), chlorpromazine (Thorazine), and a handful of others, but it's a smaller class than the second generation.

Second-generation antipsychotics were a game changer. These are serotonin-dopamine antagonists. They include risperidone (Risperdal), paliperidone (Invega-Sustenna), quetiapine (Seroquel), aripiprazole (Abilify), olanzapine (Zyprexa), lurasidone (Latuda), ziprasidone (Geodon), and also clozapine, AKA the antipsychotic everyone hates prescribing because it can cause your white blood cells to suddenly go bye-bye and boom, you're at huge risk for infection. The only patient I've ever seen develop clear, unambiguous serotonin syndrome was on clozapine. I don't prescribe it as an outpatient family doctor; it's a medication of last resort, and more often seen in inpatient settings due to the need for frequent blood tests to monitor.

Because the brain is a great recycler, we also use dopamine in the control of our movements. This means that one of the more serious side effects of antipsychotics is a problem with movement. This is typically going to be something called "tardive dyskinesia," which means "slow messed up movement," but in Greek because we're fancy. TD is dreaded because we can't always reverse it. A medication called benztropine can help, but the better option, if at all possible, is to get someone off the medication that called the TD in the first place.

If you're keeping track, you're noticing that dopamine does a lot in the brain: the reward pathway, psychotic symptoms, movement. Your body also uses it for stuff outside the brain, like affecting gut motility and blood vessel dilation. It is really hard to come up with medications that only affect one thing, because the body will use the same messaging systems over and over. This is a big part of why there's some much cross-talk between medications that are ostensibly for one thing but used for many other things.

First-generation antipsychotics can be particularly bad about making people feel flat and incapable of feeling joy. The technical term for "incapable of feeling joy" is "anhedonia," Greek again, this time for "no happiness." This is incredibly punishing and people will often go off their meds in order to feel something. I don't want to hear any bullshit blaming people who do this. You probably would too, and learning not to throw rocks from a glass house is critical to being a decent fucking human being. However, it does mean that I have much more success keeping patients on second-generation antipsychotics. There is both a lower risk of anhedonia and a lower risk of TD, so in general, unless someone doesn't respond to second-generation antipsychotics, they won't be started on a first-generation. I have absolutely used first-gen antipsychotics for patients but they're more typical in the inpatient setting, where it's okay--and sometimes a good thing--if someone is sedated. One memorable example was in an emergency department where a woman was violent and had to be restrained with both physical restraints and a spit hood. We can't just go around sedating people these days--that's a whole-ass thing, because for a long time "treatment" in inpatient facilities was too often taken to be "sedation"--but boy howdy, she needed some Haldol.

I also work part time at the county jail, and while I again try hard not to use first-generation psychotics in patients who didn't come in on them, there are patients who actively request Haldol because they hate how being totally wound up and psychotic feels. I write for them to have as-needed oral doses. This means if they ask the jail nurse for it, they can get it, and it helps immensely.

The leading cause of death for patients with mental illness is heart disease. Antipsychotics tend to cause weight gain, and that is not only psychologically distressing to my patients because we live in a fatphobic world, it's probably related to worsened insulin function. Unfortunately, just putting everyone on an antipsychotic on preventative metformin (a medication that improves insulin sensitivity) also didn't work when we tried it, so we don't do that. But it's scary. I'm actually really hopeful that this new GLP-1 agonist med class that's in constant shortages because it causes weight loss (Ozempic, Wegovy, etc.) will be an option to help improve long-term health for psychotic patients. Some antipsychotics are worse than others for weight gain, but there are few genuine head to head comparisons of effectiveness, so I can't say "X works better than Y," we just have to pick one based on a) my familiarity with it and b) whether it seems like a good idea. I also feel it is better to be fat than dead, so if someone needs one of the more fat-inducing antipsychotics to live their life and/or have a decent quality of life, I'll prescribe it and I fucking dare you to talk shit, I will eat you.

My clinical experience has been that Seroquel and Abilify are the best-tolerated antipsychotics. I don't know why. Someone else might, but those are the ones I usually reach for unless someone is having really severe symptoms, in which case I think risperidone works faster. Data are, again, generally pretty weak.

But mostly I want you to remember that psychosis is not a funny punchline, "psychotic" is a shitty fucking insult to use, and someone you know and love probably has psychosis. Some people have a single break and it never happens again, some people can control it with medication, some people need to be institutionalized. It's a life-changing illness and people with severe psychosis, yes, even the weird ones who scare you, are still human beings whose lives have exactly the same inherent value as yours, and who deserve the exact same inalienable human rights as you do. Any other approach is garbage. Human rights are not negotiable.

[miyuecakes]

I just wanted to say that _Viiimii_ (that one person that called your art racist)made a Tumblr account just for apologize to you(the account is:@: Nett0rb1)

And I don't accept it.

Look. I can see that you're all young and have the potential to mature and grow as people; I could forgive the initial video -- had it been taken down and I received a genuine apology.

But do you expect me to believe this apology is genuine -- never mind the lack of detail -- when Viimii had this to say before making that post?

It's not genuine -- and you've made that clear: "And say to that goofy ahh of that artist to delete that post". You just want my post taken down.

"Goofy ahh of that artist". What was I being goofy for? For not tolerating false allegations of Sinophobia? For not tolerating actual Sinophobic and racist rhetoric against me and other Chinese people who commented on their post? What did I do to be painted in this way? I was on a temporary hiatus until I received that ask. You all clearly don't care about the harm you've done -- because you insulted said people by also calling them "goofy ahh". I hope you realize most of those people commented under that TikTok in good faith -- believing that this was just a simple misunderstanding and you genuinely cared about Sinophobia.

You don't actually care about racism. You don't actually care about Sinophobia. You don't actually care about Chinese people. In fact, based on what I've been told about how you've treated them -- you don't even see us as human beings.

Because if you did, then you wouldn't be deleting their comments (most of them initially constructive and polite), you wouldn't be insulting them, and you wouldn't support your friends in thinking that bringing in irrelevant proship/antiship discourse justified speaking over actual Chinese people on Chinese issues. It really goes to show your priorities: that interpretations of fiction matter more than real Chinese people -- real human beings.

(censored because unfortunately despite what i'm about to say, I know this discourse is extremely volatile -- even more so than actual topics regarding real life)

We're nothing but an abstraction to you. Just something to be consumed, to be adorned, to be observed, and to be discredited when we don't fit your narrative of us. If you didn't see us this way, you wouldn't have been so quick to dismiss every criticism from a Chinese person as a racefaker.

As I quote this very concise summary of Said's Orientalism by Elif Harris:

"The very purpose of Orientalism is to take control of the Orient and take away from it any ability to speak for itself."

I can't forgive you for this alone -- this goes beyond me. You need to apologize to every single person whose comment you deleted, you dismissed and insulted; and more importantly -- you need to reflect on yourself. Because not only have you perpetuated a racist rhetoric, you have also abused the term "Sinophobia" disingenuously. I don't know why you would use such a loaded term that describes the dehumanization of a group of people just to express a personal preference:

And frankly, you didn't even use the term correctly -- Sinophobia is specific to China. What you described in your initial video was anti-ESEA sentiment; and while that often overlaps with Sinophobia, your lack of specificity of describing things specific to China and Chinese people shows a failure in understanding what such a loaded term means.

Do not co-opt a serious topic just for personal squicks ever again.

Take this as a learning experience. Your actions speak far more than your words do.

Have a good rest of the day.

[fatal-blow]

Self-Massage and Myofascial Pain: Do You Have Low Back Pain?

"Doesn't everyone?" you say. No, actually. Yeah, I find the concept baffling too. However, you too could not have back pain for the low, low price of skimming this post.

The short story of all this is that I've been learning about trigger points, myofascial pain syndrome, and the science of good posture, and I've become so absolutely furious that this stuff isn't common knowledge--

(I have encountered ONE healthcare professional who knows SOME of what I know. FUCKING ONE. And myofascial pain is something that Every Single Human Person has experienced.)

--that I'm making little self-diagnosing guides for common pain patterns based on my own experience as well as The Trigger Point Therapy Workbook, which is now my fucking bible.

Common concerns:

"I'm pretty sure it's just my fibromyalgia." Fibromyalgia and myofascial pain have tons of overlap, so I recommend looking into this regardless!

"I do have pain, but it's carpal tunnel/stomach ulcer/tendonitis/arthritis." Myofascial pain is frequently misdiagnosed, and the treatment for it is easy and unintrusive. Even if the problem isn't myofascial, practicing myofascial release can help relieve muscles associated with these conditions.

"Will I hurt myself?" Probably not*. Self-massage can cause bruising if you're a little enthusiastic, like myself, but you won't cause long term damage. Maintaining focus and avoiding pulses are your only concerns, and they are mild.

*Some health conditions can make self-massage a bit dicey. I recommend a little research beforehand if youre worried.

"What does myofascial pain feel like?" A lot of things, to put it simply. Some signs of myofascial pain that I've come across are: areas that feel like bruises with no actual bruising, skin sensitivity (if you get pain from, say, running your hand over it in the shower), an assortment of symptoms from various things that seem unrelated, pain that doesn't go away with rest, pain with no clear cause, and more.

"Do I need massage though? Shouldn't I rest?" You also should rest, yeah, but here's the thing. Myofascial pain can be Instantly Relieved with self-massage. So why wait?

Furthermore, trigger points, the cause of these pains, don't always go away with rest. They can create positive feedback loops. If untreated, more trigger points can crop up, and the pain gets worse and spreads. Targetted massage can break that loop.

"Dude, I'm concerned by how much of a conspiracy theory this sounds like." Brother me too. Miracle cures aren't a thing, but stumbling across this information sure has felt like one, given I feel better than I have in years. Just...hear me out on this one. It won't harm you to try these techniques.

"What even ARE trigger points? What's myofascial pain syndrome??"

That's a long answer that I'll need to save for another post. You don't need to know what it is or how it works, though. Just how to treat it.

For more in depth info on self-massage, check out this post.

Disclaimer: I'm not a professional at anything except for being in pain, and constantly weaseling out ways to not be in pain. All this information can, more or less, be found in The Trigger Point Therapy Workbook by Claire and Amber Davies. I'm just organizing it into a more accessible guide for myself and others.

--

I have low back pain, and my feet, knees, and hips also hurt. I might also have widespread pain in general.

This combination of symptoms is often tied to postural issues, and usually it's Morton's Foot (not to be confused with Morton's Neuroma).

One in four people have this quirk in their anatomy. The short of it is that the foot distributes your body weight across two points instead of three--which can leave you feeling off balance.

Mortons Foot can cause widespread pain. If you have other conditions such as hypermobile joints or anxiety, watch out!

Go to www.mortonsfoot.com. They'll explain it better than I can. I can also tell you they're legit; I bought insoles from them and boy do they Work.

Other symptoms: sensitive feet, frequent sprains/rolling of ankle, bad posture, unusual worn spots in footwear.

--

The pain is in a horizontal band across my back.

The nature of trigger points is that referred pain patterns can seem nonsensical. A horizontal band of pain ANYWHERE in the back, not just the low back, can be caused by the abdominal muscles.

Can be caused by slouching, improper lifting, and overworking abs with exercises like sit ups.

Associated with the pain in your back after a hard day of work. This is the source of the "back breaking" in back breaking labour.

Massage Tips:

Do this lying down. Prop your head and shoulders on a couple pillows. Make sure you're warm, cozy, and comfy.

Lower abs should be massaged with fingertips, using your other hand to support them. Use your middle three fingers and begin by searching for tender points. Focus on the central muscle. Raise your head or legs to feel them contract.

If you find a tender point (and I do mean tender. If you're not familiar with pain, you might become concerned. Don't be--your body and mind are made so that you won't hurt yourself doing this) hang out and get to know that muscle. Seek out the spot that hurts the most.

Abdominal muscles go lower than you think. Get your fingers right down in the pelvis. Root around in there like a boar roots around for truffles.

Once you've got your guy, use short strokes from one end of the point to the other. Pain is subjective, but your goal is not to be in agony. Each stroke should cause a sensation right before you would classify it as pain. If you're grimacing, or tensing your muscles, ease off.

You only need 10-12 of these strokes. Search around for other tender points, do the same until you can't find anymore.

Your pain should have eased by now. If some, but not all, has disappeared, or you didn't find any success, try the other techniques in this post.

For more in depth info on self-massage, check out this post.

Your goal: To relax and soften the muscles as much as possible. Heat and other relaxation techniques will help. One session should be enough to bring some relief, but you should repeat this until you stop finding tender spots.

After massage, stand up and gently stretch out your abdominals three times.

--

The pain is on one side, possibly both, and I sit a lot.

The section above can also help chronic sitters, but this section is the meat of the issue for us. My experience with this pain is that it's sharper and more debilitating than typical low back pain. It can make it hard to walk.

Caused by...sitting a lot. Wheelchair users take note, I wouldn't be surprised if this one could help y'all out.

This one is more likely to cause limping. Do you sit with your knees up a lot? This muscle doesn't take kindly to that. You also might have trouble getting up from low seats

Be careful with this one. If it's active, it's gonna hurt like a bitch to poke around.

Massage Tips:

Like the previous massage, lie down with your shoulders and head slightly propped up. Have an extra pillow on hand.

Pick which side you're working on. Prop your knees up, and lay your knees AWAY from your chosen side. Use the pillow to lay them on.

Use the tips of your fingers, using the opposite hand to support them, for massage. You can also put your fingers back to back (make a T) to dig deeper.

Find the hip bone. You can easily start by poking around the inside of it, top to bottom. When you find tender spots, massage with short strokes. Look for the sensation that precedes pain.

You can go deeper by pressing down into the area between the hip bone and belly button. If you feel a pulse, move closer to the hip bone. If you can't get away from the pulse, or if you've found a pulsing mass, go to the hospital. Not joking on that one.

If you're have trouble finding the muscle, bring your knee towards you. It helps if you do this with resistance against the knee. You should feel the psoas muscles flex.

For more in depth info on self-massage, check out this post.

Your goal: Relax, again try not to elicit so much pain that you're tense or grimacing. If these muscles aren't the cause of your pain, you might not even be able to feel it. Sometimes, the psoas muscles are so sensitive that you can barely touch them. Even the lightest massage can help, though, and over time you'll be able to put more pressure.

After massage, gently stretch the leg on that side behind you three times. This is best done while standing. Be careful not to strain it if you are lying down.

--

Feels like, or has been diagnosed as, sciatica.

Sounds like you've got butt problems. Yup, you've got a pain in the ass. Different from Morton's Foot because the pain comes from the hips, and rarely refers all the way down to the feet.

Appropriately, your butt might be tender. Pain tends to extend across the hips, both above and below the belt line

We qualify this as low back pain, but if you put your hand overtop of the painful area it's more like back, upper hip, though that's not always the case.

Usually only one side, but can be both.

Massage tips:

Get yourself a tennis ball. If you're short enough, a doorknob will do in a pinch. If you have access to a Theracane, that's great too.

Brace against your tool of choice using a wall. Start on the outside of your hip, beneath the hip bone. Keep your knee bent and put your weight on the opposite foot. Look for tender areas and massage them out--look for the sensation that precedes pain.

You can also sit to get at your butt muscles easier.

Work all across the outside hip and all across the butt. Hell, get other areas of the lower back while you're here too. This will kill so many birds with one tennis ball.

For more in depth info on self-massage, check out this post.

Your goals: This massage is a bit tougher to control the pressure on, but fortunately the tool you're using is broad enough that it won't elicit the intense sensations that other trigger points can. The back of your hip should feel looser and more relaxed.

After massage, guide the hip through its range of motion. Don't force movement if it feels like the joint is "catching" or if pain intensifies--at worst the area should only be a bit sore afterwards.

--

Pain is a deep ache that feels like it's in the spine itself.

This pain is actually from your spine! Well, generally. A lot of muscle pain gets referred away from the problem point, but these guys are right where you expect them.

Admittedly I have less experience with this back pain, but typically pain is also accompanied by your back feeling stiff as a board. It's the pain typically associated with throwing out your back.

This pain often gets blamed on osteoarthritis, but even if you have signs of damage on xrays, sometimes it's muscular.

Fun fact: these muscles, which run along the spine and interconnect the vertebrae, are only relaxed in two positions: lying on your back, and standing up straight. So if they're tensed up when doing either, something is going on.

Massage Tips

Tennis balls and objects of similar size can help, but sometimes don't penetrate through the muscles well enough. For an extra boost of gravity, you can also lie on a bed, with your tool of choice on top of a paperback book.

Follow the pain, massage it until it feels better. Don't be afraid to dig in if you aren't getting results. The muscle here is thick.

Best practice is getting the tennis ball into the groove of your spine and just going to fucking town.

Theracane can also be used.

For more in depth info on self-massage, check out this post.

Your goal: Your hope is to see a release of tension in the back. Before and after massage, lie down with a heat pack and relax to help soften the muscles.

Don't worry too much about stretching out these muscles until you have more confidence in your body again. It's easy to overstretch and undo all the progress you've made.

--

And that's about it for lower back. I'm happy to add any clarification on these points if necessary, but please don't come into my inbox expecting me to diagnose you.

If you're a friend/mutual, though, feel free to hmu for more specific advice.

Final note: expect to need to work on these more than once, and don't be surprised if you only get relief once you've tried some or all of these. Experimentation is your best friend with myofascial pain, and even if it's not the source of your problems, it's good to gain familiarity with your body and the pain you experience.

[that-ari-blogger]

Genuinely Impressive (Light Spinner)

The term "humanise" refers to a kind of anthropomorphising. To humanise is to give a thing human qualities like speech or pseudo-complex thought. For example, the transformers are humanised vehicles.

In a weird way, this is how humanisation in literature works. It is the practice of taking a fictional character, thing that is very much not a real human being, and giving them the complexity befitting a human.

Unfortunately, there is a pitfall to this practice. When writers try to humanise their characters, there is a tendency for these writers to accidentally redeem their characters in the process.

Disney's Maleficent and Cruella had a problem with this. While the later got retconned from megalomaniacal to empathetic, diminishing her villainy in the process, the former got turned into a full blown hero, a decision that I... actually liked.

She Ra and The Princesses of Power, however, truly excels at humanisation, and nowhere is this more apparent than in Light Spinner.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD (She Ra and the Princesses Of Power)

I want to prefix all of this with the fact that humanisation to any degree is a really difficult writing skill. The idea is to engineer understanding, instead of empathy, and that is a deceptively hard balance to strike.

Making a character empathetic is easy, but it's a different skill entirely to know how much of that to do, and when.

In short, artists deserve credit for the tiny acts of brilliance just as much as for their feats of awe inspiring grandeur.

One thing that I noticed about this episode is that, to me at least, Light Spinner and Shadow Weaver are different people. Obviously they are the same individual, and there is some clear overlap between the two, but they feel like two different characters. As in, there are certain things that Light Spinner says that Shadow Weaver would never say, and vice versa.

This boils down to the idea of a character's centre. I have mentioned this before, but every character has a single element that is immutable about themselves, the thing that makes them who they are. If you would be to slowly change everything about this character, but leave this one element, they would still be the original person.

I think the difference between Light Spinner and Shadow Weaver is this centre. Shadow Weaver is cruel, and selfish, but Light Spinner strikes me as more ambitious and calculating. Obviously, there are shades of all of these in both characters, but these are the elements that are the most important to each person.

There is actually a moment in the episode where the characters switch, where Light Spinner is killed and Shadow Weaver remains, and that is in the ritual room. But to understand that, you need to understand the events leading up to it.

So, who is Light Spinner, and what elements of that are carried over into Shadow Weaver? Well, Light Spinner is ambitious, reckless, righteous, and... kind? I don't think kind is the right word, but maternal feels like a bridge too far.

Motivations are complex. Often, actions are performed for a multitude of reasons. My main reason for writing this blog, for example, is because I love She-Ra and stories like it. But I am also doing this because I need an outlet for creativity, and because I want to develop my own understanding of the writing craft. Complexity.

Light Spinner's dynamic with Micah is one of teacher and student, but there is obviously some affection there. Light Hope is amused by his antics, and pushes him to do better because she knows he can. She fuels his passion and it is clear he has a trust for her and feels safe in her presence.

However, there is also some of that ambition there. Light Spinner is written in this episode as a limit pusher who wants to do more and gain more power. It's heavily implied in this episode that she is using Micah for her own ends.

"You have incredible power. And I'm the one who will mould that power."

So, we can add megalomania to Light Spinner's list of attributes as well.

On a side note, the oracle spell things have some of the best camera placement and shot composition in the entire series. So whomever is in charge of that in universe is the most skilled cinematographer on the planet.

I want to point out Light Spinner's motivation here. She wants to protect Etheria from the Horde. This is partly why I think she and Shadow Weaver are so different, because Light Spinner would never switch sides like she does, because she wants to save the world.

"Norwyn and those fools don't care about magic, they just want to hold the rest of us back."

Forgive me, but that wasn't the point of the spell. That wasn't a discussion about magic, it was a discussion about people's lives. Light Spinner has taken the complete opposite memo as everybody else.

This is where the megalomania fits in. Because Light Spinner wants to be in command, she wants to be a hero, and she wants control, as well as saving Etheria. The shift in character comes when that ambition supersedes her more benevolent motivations.

Can we please take a moment to acknowledge how incredible this shot is. Light Hope is framed against the oracle spell, backlit and viewed from below like she's a ruler speaking from on high. The circle around her head mirrors the halo around the heads of saints found in stained glass windows. Light Hope views herself as a messiah figure.

But look at what that halo is showing. Light Hope is divinely surrounded by death and destruction, and the loss of the black garnet. Even now, Light Hope's greatest weapon is her radius of fear.

I also think props need to be given to this shot, with all of its complete lack of subtlety. Light Hope seeks power, and she seeks the spell as an means of achieving that, so the spell covers her eyes, blinding her to reality.

"We need this power. It's the only way to protect our people."

Here's a question: Is this the only way? Light Spinner certainly tells us that, but we haven't seen any other ideas. The guild was meeting to decide what to do, and Light Spinner interrupted it, then stormed out. So maybe they decided on something better and safer.

She-Ra has another "it's the only way" decision, later on in the series, that being the planet destroyer that the first ones set up. Shadow Weaver jumps on that idea as well, but its notable that in both cases, there actually is another way to defeat the horde, and it didn't compromise the morals or physical wellbeing of its participants.

The golden rule in storytelling is "Show, don't tell", and this is a case for why I disagree with it. Showing an audience something makes them believe it, telling them something makes them skeptical. If you keep telling an audience something, but never actually show it, you can end up with a distrust for the narrator, and that is used very intentionally here.

Light Spinner tells the audience over and over again how good this will be, but we never see that good. We actually see the opposite.

Consider this: The Horde, over the next however many years, makes very little ground, and that is mostly due to Shadow Weaver's assistance. So maybe if she did the princesses, or if she hadn't absolutely shredded the mages of Mystacor, things could have gone better.

Which leads into the final domino that is set up for Light Spinner to change. Trust.

The mages of Mystacor do not trust Light Spinner's judgement, which leads to her believing her actions are futile for getting the admiration and respect that she "deserves".

Enter the Spell of Obtainment. And as a general rule, if you are in a fantasy story and you start conjuring something with too many arms and eyes, you are probably doing something wrong.

Also, this guy is dead, ponked into non-existence. A man dies, on camera, in a children's cartoon.

It is important to understand that this is a memory, and so the narrator is unreliable. From that perspective, Light Spinner was betrayed by Micah, and by the guild masters, and it got her killed.

But let's also look at what the spell would have done. Light Spinner insists that it would win the war, but doesn't reveal its actual capabilities. I think, judging from what the failure did, it would have focused power in on a single individual or two.

I think Light Spinner's idea of the ultimate spell was one that bolstered her abilities and made her into a super soldier.

So, Light Spinner died because of her megalomania and ambition. She wanted to be the one to save the world, and it cost her. People backed away because she pushed them too far, and she can't see that.

The person that emerges from the cosmic horror bubble is Shadow Weaver, and the first thing she does is kill someone, then bail and switch sides. The power is now more important to her than what she wanted to use it for.

The final scene of the flashback is the adoption of Adora, and it does a few things. First up, Adora gets thrown into Shadow Weaver's care against the latter's will, and one of Shadow Weaver's first lines in the entire series is this:

"I saw talent in you the moment I found you as an orphan child and took you in."

So... that was a lie, wasn't it?

But the scene also shows a hint of Light Spinner peeking through, because I think there is something maternal there, and it is entirely separate from kindness.

One of the theses of She-Ra is that there is a bit of good, however small, in everyone. And the point of this episode is that Shadow Weaver once had it, and may still have it, but has made the choice to do evil. Villainy is very much a decision in this world, you don't get born into one side, you make your own choice.

That's something that keeps coming up, especially with Catra.

Speaking of whom, there is a reason I have separated Light Spinner from Shadow Weaver.

"You remind me of myself. You always have. Nothing was ever easy for me either. I wasn't born to power like Adora and the others. I had to earn my power, fight for it. Why should it be any different for you?"

There is some narrative parallelism going on in this episode, but it is specifically not between Catra and Shadow Weaver, but Catra and Light Spinner.

Both characters are seeking respect, and find that taken out from under them, and both push their closest friends away. The stories are extremely similar, but there are two things to dispute about this idea.

First up, Shadow Weaver is doing some heavy projecting here. Once again, this is her memory, so the narration should be taken with a grain of sand. She was also trying to do something forbidden, while Catra is trying to follow orders to the best of her ability.

Second, Light Hope wasn't abused by the mages of Mystacor. Well, I guess she could have been, but it isn't even implied that this is the case, so do with that what you will.

I think Catra puts it best:

"I was a child when you took me in. What could I have possibly done to deserve the way you treated me?"

She-Ra as a whole does not shy away from discussion of the cycle of violence, and it is worth noting that Shadow Weaver perceives injustice directed at herself, and believes it is perfectly reasonable to take that out on a child. Yes, Hordak did probably use that anti-oxygen device on Shadow Weaver at some point, but she then made the decision to use that anger to bully a child.

Shadow Weaver's treatment of Catra in this episode is pure manipulation. There are hints of that maternal element, but they are being used to lull Catra into a false sense of security. She is falsely giving Catra affection to service her own needs. Notably, through the use of her touch, Shadow Weaver exhibits control over Catra's emotions.

AJ Michalka needs so much more credit than she has for her voice acting than she has received, especially in this episode. Catra's increasingly frantic pleas are so incredibly well realised, and the last scene of the empty jail cell is carried entirely by her acting.

This episode adds a ton of ambiguity to Shadow Weaver, as well as providing depth to her character. But it makes one thing abundantly clear:

As justified as you think your methods are, you are still responsible for the actions of cruelty that you chose to take.

Catra is close enough to Light Hope for the end result to be reasonably likely. Shadow Weaver is what Catra will become, if she does not stray from the path she currently walks.

That's why Catra's redemption arc is so compelling to me, because we know what is at stake. We know where that path leads.

Old. Bitter. Weak.

Final Thoughts

This episode is a technical masterpiece. The first rule of literary analysis is "don't compare a story to food or architecture", but I'm going to do that anyway.

The rest of She-Ra has a habit of prioritising the big spectacles and feats of brilliance. Each episode is a fully made cathedral with stained glass windows and a mosaic ceiling. This episode isn't that it's an incredibly well-designed fountain in a park, dedicated to an old friend. It is emotional and heart-felt, and mechanically superb.

Next week, I will be analysing Reunion, so stick around if that interests you.

Previous - Next

[prettycottonmouthlamia]

Arknights Analysis: Chapters 0-4

So I want to start this off by stating that I'm going to analyze these chapters in two separate fashions. The first will be analyzing the chapters as if I had booted the game on launch and experienced the story without any of the surrounding events and story chapters that give these chapters additional context. The second will be analyzing these chapters from a retrospective angle, looking at how further chapters and further events have provided new information that re-contextualizes a lot of what happens and is said in these four chapters.

One of my primary theses when it comes to Arknights is that the episodic storytelling often hurts Arknights more than it helps the game, and I want to illustrate that through these two styles of analysis.

So without ado:

Part One: The Bad and the Evil Time

Now, there's a relevant question that needs to be answered from the beginning of this analysis: why am I analyzing all four chapters together instead of splitting them into four separate posts? There's an argument to be made that splitting up the chapter discussion would allow for each chapter to breathe individually. But I want to explain my reasons for not doing that.

First, these chapters were not released individually. They were released all at once, and unlike say, the first four chapters of F/GO, they do not form four separate stories plot-wise that share some connecting themes. They directly relate to one another and are basically contiguous with one another. If you wanted to, you could play and get through the first four chapters of Arknights all at once. While newer players likely would have gotten stuck on a boss like Skullshatterer and not been able to progress, I want to emulate that experience of reading all four chapters at once.

Second, these chapters do not have a lot to them in terms of actual writing and I do not intend to merely summarize the events of each chapter ahead of time. You can read them here to get an idea of what I mean. They're short chapters all things told.

Third, they share pretty much all of the same themes and messaging between the three of them, and characters do not make a ton of meaningful progression through the story. These four chapters flow into each other really well, which suggests to me they were written roughly all in a row from each other, but this results in an initial four chapters that have a lot of overlap with each other.

So that's why this analysis is going to look at all four chapters together. To give a quick one sentence overview of the plots:

Chapters 0-1: Rhodes Island's extraction operation for the Doctor and their conflict with Reunion Chapters 2-3: Rhodes Island's pursuit of Misha and their confrontation with Skullshatterer Chapter 4: Rhodes Island's rescue operation and their meeting with Frostnova

Despite the fact that these chapters span between three different locations and concern themselves with three separate events, broadly speaking, they're very tonally consistent. There's no clear separation in terms of how these chapters meaningfully contrast with each other.

In terms of the major players, Rhodes Island is the protagonist and Reunion is the antagonist, and are written pretty diametrically opposed to each other. Rhodes Island is a pharmaceutical company that is looking for a cure to oripathy and generally condemns the violent measures that Reunion takes in these four chapters, which is often spoken quite strongly. In particular I want to note that Dobermann in particular is heavily critical of Reunion, and this sets the tone for how Reunion is portrayed and generally looked at in these chapters.

Reunion as the antagonists for these four chapters are basically not portrayed sympathetically at all, and this can be pretty easily seen from the antagonists that are initially introduced to the player: Mephisto, who delights in causing harm and toying with his opponents and is named after the fictional demon Mephistopheles; Crownslayer, who is ruthless and whose name invokes regicide; and W, who is enigmatic but mostly cruel and seemingly only let's Rhodes Island go on a whim.

This image does a lot to establish the tone of Reunion: they're draped in darkness and shadow, stand atop rubble and carnage, and their leader, Talulah, is associated with dramatic heat and consuming flame. It's a very strong message to send to the player.

Reunion's job in these four chapters, outside of being the antagonists, is to act as a critical foil for Rhodes Island. The prime question of Reunion towards Rhodes Island, time and time again, is "What do you do to deserve to fight for the Infected?". Reunion is repeatedly stated to embody the rage of the Infected, calling back to the idea that "Riots are the language of the oppressed", and they repeatedly criticize Amiya for not recognizing the anger the Infected feel.

This, at least in my opinion, is not actually a bad way for narrative tension to develop. Violent and non-violent movements do tend to have some tension between each other, and importantly, are both needed to compliment and keep each other in check. However, the problem here is that these chapters are not interested in interrogating these facts. These chapters are not interested in interrogating basically anything it puts in front of you.

Amiya never really has a response for why she's acting in the way she does, and as a result, neither does the narrative. But because Reunion needs to be the antagonist, their anger is not merely limited to the authority figures behind oppressive policies or the primary people who exploit them. Reunion oppresses and kills innocent people in Chernobog, using a Catastrophe that decimates the city and infects a large portion of its populace with Oripathy, using their anger as justification, and there is never a competing viewpoint shown in opposition with that. So when Reunion is marching on Lungmen, there is every reason to believe that a similar occurrence will happen there. This is reinforced in Chapter 4, where Mephisto has created a literal flaming display of Reunion's symbol at least partially fueled by civilian bodies.

Rhodes Island being the defacto protagonist means that their actions are given an inherent justification. It creates a lot of weak writing in the chapter where, for example, their cooperation with the L.G.D. is never given any kind of moral depth, despite Lungmen's own oppressive policies towards the Infected and the attitudes of L.G.D. officers towards the infected.

The only character we see some meaningful change in is Ch'en, and unfortunately, it's part of a chapter she's not really present in. Chapter 4 shows that Ch'en is capable of some humanity and connection with the Infected that the others in her psuedo police force weren't willing to show, but it's not made particularly clear why and Ch'en quickly exits the chapter.

If you came away from these four chapters feeling like this is a RWBY situation, I really wouldn't blame you. The chapters are weak and not particularly well-written. There are points of intrigue made for example in Chapter 2 with Kal'tsit and Wei Yenwu that do not really go anywhere. Probably most importantly, despite being the protagonists, Rhodes Island's, and consequently Amiya's, moral position is never really defined. You don't get a clear sense to know why Rhodes Island is taking the actions that it is.

Now, to a certain extent, a bit more of the moral backbone of RI is revealed in the character files for the launch operators. I do think it is worth discussing these for a bit here because most of them are very brief and not well detailed, but they help to highlight what is, in my opinion, one of the central conflicts and messages in this early part of the arc.

The difference between Rhodes Island and Reunion is identity. That is, what is expected out of the identity of the Infected underneath them. This can be seen in a couple of the operator files and, most importantly, with Misha. For Reunion, the Infected and Reunion are considered one and the same. When Rhodes Island kills Reunion rioters in Chernobog and hands over Reunion prisoners to the L.G.D., Reunion makes the criticism of what Rhodes Island is doing to the Infected. Misha remarks that what else can an Infected be but Reunion. It is a continual point that many of its members are whipped into fanaticism in part because Reunion presents itself as the only option.

Rhodes Island, on the other hand, allows its Infected personnel and Operators to take back their identity as people. The Operators of RI are all unique people with their own goals, wants, and dreams. They do not, fundamentally, become Rhodes Islanders. It's why there is such an eclectic group of people working for RI.

To summarize, these chapters are invested in portraying a very black and white board to the Infected struggles, with the correct Rhodes Island contrasted with the violent, arguably evil Reunion on the other hand, and does so without really performing the necessary labor to justify Rhodes Island as the protagonist. While there are interesting messages and ideas in these chapters, it's let down by overall very weak writing.

Part 2: Separated Hearts and Arcs

So you know what the fuck a Kaschey is at this point and you're looking back. Here's the thing that kind of fucks me up: these chapters don't read nearly as bad in a retrospective lens. There's a fair amount of reasonably subtle storytelling and foreshadowing going on that hints towards things revealed in later story chapters, and a lot of its awkwardness can be forgiven with the better writing down the road for pretty much all of the characters involved (except for Skullshatterer, who basically disappears from the narrative entirely, and doesn't even show up typically in flashbacks).

In truth, I think the writers knew these chapters weren't very good, and something very interesting happens from this point on which I will cheekily call "the Reunion Arc Redemption Arc". A number of things happen in fairly quick succession with each other: the first is the release of Chapter 5, which does a lot to add additional moral depth to Rhodes Island's relationship to the L.G.D. as well as to Ch'en herself. This is followed by Grani and the Knight's Treasure which gives us our first, sympathetic Reunion character in Big Bob, and then perhaps most importantly by maybe one of the single most important vignettes in the game.

The Anonymous One's War.

This Vignette is a much, MUCH needed stitching of the various problems with Reunion. Patriot, the disorganization of Reunion, and the condemnation of the acts against Azazel do a tremendous amount of work in redeeming a lot of the previous writing. It's arguably a retcon in many ways.

This REALLY highlights a big problem with the episodic approach. I think part of the reason Chapter 5 is often lumped in with Chapters 0-4 is for a while, you were stuck sitting and ruminating on Chapters 0-4, and then Chapter 5 releases and its a chapter whose primary POV is Ch'en and the L.G.D. With episodic writing, it's easy for writing flaws to sit and fester, and it's easy for a lot of fandom voices to get together and make things worse.

Chapters 0-4 just do not hold up on their own, and honestly they do not really hold up with additional context either. The additional context softens a lot of the blow and provides a lot of closure to the issues in these chapters, but the issues still remain. You didn't necessarily need more writing in order to make these chapters work. Chapter 5 isn't that much bigger than Chapter 4 is, but I felt like there had been a sudden shift towards stronger writing in Chapter 5.

This seems by and large to be a real problem with gacha game development. Early story chapters are neglected because the time and effort needed to actually make a gacha game seem to eclipse the desire to have a strong and functional story. It feels like Chapters 0-4 were pushed out the door to make sure the players had something.

But in comparison to other gachas I've played, the turn around on Arknights is very, very quick. F/GO notably takes four additional chapters until it finally hits a good, well-written chapter in Camelot, and it's events are still very lackluster. In comparison, the only dud event that happens at least imo is Grani and the Knights' Treasure, and the next three events (Operational Intelligence, Heart of Surging Flame, and Code of Brawl) are all quite good.

What the turn around at least tells me is that Arknights from the beginning had competent writers, but that they only really got to shine once the game got on the ground.

[traitor-boyfriend]

what did you think of spring break. gay stan is canon now basically right

(edit: meant to publish this a while ago and forgot because I have the short term memory of a goldfish now)

This made me realize I never gave my thoughts on the last two episodes. Will do another day. (ron howard arrested development narration: she did not.)

To answer your actual question, I -love- how often an episode plot that tangentially relates either directly or more discreetly to some kind of societal crisis of masculinity and/or gender anxiety includes Stan. obvious examples include Cissy, wherein which Stan is seemingly the only one outside of Wendy and Cartman's Shakespearean twelfth night transgender double bluff who has any semblance of actual "crisis" over the modern conception of gender identity, for seemingly no reason? We don't get a scene of him trying on a dress (*cough* chp9 of abfooc *cough*) or asking "what if I'm not a boy?" but his scenes seem to suggest or imply he is asking those questions privately with himself. Stan also shares a lot of focus in tweek and Craig -- not necessarily that homosexuality as a subject for commentary is 1:1 interchangeable with masculinity *now* but for an older generation, like those of Matt and Trey's age, it certainly is, and there really is no way to create a clear cut distinction between homosexuality and transgenderism as two separate experiences with no overlap despite efforts to on both sides of the culture war. Literally the first season of south park has Stan befriend a character named Big Gay Al and proclaim to the entire town that homosexuality is a natural and beautiful thing against the backdrop of our a-plot in which Stan laments his dog being gay b/c he isn't a 'butch' manly dog. Combine that with Stan's growing romantic disinterest in both Wendy specifically (with an episode -this- season showing just that) and girls more broadly as the show has gone on, goddamn. nevermind the subtext we can project onto on the covid specials where Stan, unwell and suffering the simulated tyranny of marriage to a woman (or, woman-figure. We are talking about a robot here.) Is only able to achieve any semblance of happiness by travelling into his own past to tell himself he needs to forgive Kyle or he will regret it every day for the rest of his life. So.

straight Stan -- 0. Gay Stan -- 1

honestly I think part of this is probably that trey parker in a lot of ways strikes me as someone very much so not a Man's Man, y'know. He's loves the shock value, paegentry, and the spectacle of flirting with cross dressing, homosexuality, and gender non-conformity in his chosen mediums in a very attuned... Dare I say, almost butlerian fashion. and also in a way that only infrequently comes across as judgemental or cruel. Though this is obviously not coming from a queer theorist framework and more just trey Parker's longstanding "if you tell me I can't do this I will just to spite you and also fuck you I can do what I want." attitude.

long story short, yeah. yeah stan's gay. throw up the banner.

[coconutcordiale]

kiss the sun (fight the fire)

pairing- hangman x fem pilot reader (cs violet)

synopsis-

You bite your lip as he attaches his mouth to the side of your neck to keep yourself from saying anything embarrassing.

Rest in Peace Violet; admitted to being head over heels for her situationship because he grazed his teeth on her pulse point and short-circuited her brain.

Yeah. Absolutely not.

warnings- angst, friends with benefits sitch, bittersweet/unhappy ending (but this is set in the middle of love that's a real long shot so you can find the actual ending there if you feel the need), 18+ for brief allusions to smut

length- 1.3k

part of the heart in danger universe (hangman x violet) but can be read separately! there's overlap with love that's a real long shot idk sorry guys i'm just lazy asf apparently

i'm not a huge fan of how this turned out but it be like that sometimes (or, all the time lately) if anyone wants to start a support group for when the muses are not musing, hmu

i'm not a huge fan of how this turned out but it be like that sometimes (or, all the time lately) if anyone wants to start a support group for when the muses are not musing, hmu

title courtesy of mountain of the sun - Greta van fleet

North Island, 2022

Like most conversations with Jake, it happens outside the Hard Deck.

“I’m sorry?” You’re confused, have been since the moment you walked into the bar with Phoenix, Payback, and Fanboy and watched Jake’s normally clear, sea glass green eyes cloud with irritation at your presence. “That I didn’t tell you they sent me back to TOPGUN too? I haven’t seen you in almost a year, Jake.”

Jake’s clearly biting back anger, muscles flexing in his jaw as he grinds his teeth. It’s eerie, really to have that terrifying precision directed toward you. It’s not like you don’t know that Hangman doesn’t play well with others, but it’s been years since he threw it your way.

“Don’t act like we haven’t talked since then. I think you know you were supposed to mention it.”

You deflate. You don’t even know what you’re saying anymore, mouth forming words that only seem to frustrate him further, push him back into his shell.  

“Let’s just get through this mission, it’ll be easier if we’re not fighting,” you suggest eventually, knowing there's no way you win this round, not while Jake is determined to use anything that comes from your lips against you. “You do enough goading with Rooster.”

You see the moment he forcibly relaxes, each muscle taking on tightly controlled calmness, the Hangman camouflage painting itself over his sharp features.

“We’ll stay out of each other’s way. Focus on the mission.”

“Yeah, focus on the mission,” you agree, staring down at your beer and wishing you’d brought several tequila shots outside with you. Maybe the whole bottle. Some lime for good measure.

You silently follow Jake back inside instead of opening your mouth again and making things worse, settling into a stool next to Phoenix with a hopefully less than noticeable sigh.

“What’s up with Bagman?”

You take a sip of your beer, trying not to wince. Guess your displeasure wasn’t as quiet as you intended. “I think he’s pissed I’m here.”

Phoenix furrows her eyebrows. “Why would he be mad you got called back too?”

You shrug. “Maybe I’m cramping his style – he thinks I’ll be upset if he’s sticking his hand up girls’ skirts at the Hard Deck in front of me.”

“You would be upset.”

“Not the point. Besides, it’s not like I’d actually tell him that. He probably just wasn’t expecting to see me and now I’ve ruined his plans to whore around, flirt with Rooster, or whatever he had in mind.”

“Wait, I’m sorry, you didn’t tell him?”

“No, when he mentioned he got the order, they hadn’t called me yet.”

“Then maybe he’s mad because it looks like you were hiding it from him.”

You roll your eyes. “We’re talking about Hangman here. Why would he care about that?”

Phoenix gives you a distinctly unimpressed look that you would really prefer to ignore.

Maybe it's time for those tequila shots after all.

+

Your skin is buzzing, has been since you listened to Hangman swoop in and save Rooster and Mav over the radios. You’d never been happier to hear that slight southern drawl make a stupid joke about tray tables in your entire life. The energy carried you through all the hops and transports back to North Island, all the way back to the Hard Deck where the air is finally filled with victory rather than uncertainty, all the way to Hangman’s room, your mind refusing to think about what a bad idea it is to be here with him. There’s only space for one thought running through your brain.

We’re alive.

“Fuck,” Jake groans, deft fingers making quick work of the buttons of your uniform. “Missed you, missed this.”

You bite your lip as he attaches his mouth to the side of your neck to keep yourself from saying anything embarrassing.

Rest in Peace Violet; admitted to being head over heels for her situationship because he grazed his teeth on her pulse point and short-circuited her brain.

Yeah. Absolutely not.

A sheen of sweat and one broken lamp later, you’re fully, frustratingly content. It's a little annoying, at this point, for Jake to look the way he does and be this good in bed.

“Don’t like fighting with you,” you admit in a whisper, lips tracing against his smooth skin, because your common sense got taken out at the knees three orgasms ago.

“Ended well. Gave us a vigor we haven’t had in a while.”

You know he’s joking. He’s teasing, doesn’t mean anything by his tone.

It doesn’t change the fact that you suddenly feel like a bucket of ice water has been upended on your head. Because that’s all this is. It’s never going to be more.

You can’t keep doing this, you think with startling clarity, not if it’s not going to mean anything. It’s not even his fault. You’ve known who he was from the beginning.

“Yeah,” you mutter, exhaling a steadying breath. “I don’t know. All the arguing, then making up so we can fool around. It’s time for us to grow up, don’t you think?”

“Probably,” Jake responds, completely unreadable.

It’s not like you expected him to disagree with you, but you feel a twinge beneath your ribs anyways.

When he kisses you, you can’t help but hold on tight, pulling him as close to you as possible with fingers tangled at the base of his neck. You should maybe be more concerned with sticking to your guns, not doing this again, but if this is the last chance you’ll get to have him you’re sure as hell not strong enough to deny yourself of that.

You know now what the end tastes like. Bittersweet.

+

“Heard Seresin’s opting to stay in North Island if you need more of an incentive to take Cyclone up on staying here,” Phoenix tells you the next morning, apropos of nothing and stabbing her French toast with a little more force than you think is necessary, given the cutesy restaurant you’re currently sitting in.

You cringe, having forgotten you were going to have to talk to her about this. Of course, this is the perfect opportunity for her to needle you, given none of the boys would be caught dead in this hipster brunch place, leaving you two to your own devices. “That’s a disincentive, actually.”

Phoenix furrows her brows. “Thought you guys made up after he got a chance to play hero. You were finally speaking in full sentences last night, at least.”

You look down, avoiding her eyes. “We ended things. For good.”

She grabs your hand from across the table, sympathy radiating.

Phoenix clears her throat after a second, smoothing out her expression, but her eyes still have that softness to them you rarely get to see. “That explains why you don’t want to take Cyclone’s offer.”

You nod. “Not very feminist of me, yeah? Letting a guy influence my decisions. But I just can’t trust myself around him. It’s like he’s lowered my defenses without even trying.”

“You can’t stay away.”

She’s not asking. It’s an observation, painfully obvious to the people around you that know you well. You wonder, idly, if Jake knows too.

He must. The thought makes your chest tight, hand unlacing from Phoenix’s so your knuckles can press against your sternum, quelling the pain and embarrassment that comes with realizing he’s probably been pretending not to notice, helping you save face.

You nod, a tired, small thing. “Yeah. And that’s the problem; I’ll always keep coming back.”

Looking at the waves crashing outside, you try not to miss North Island before you’ve even left. It doesn’t work, because you can still smell Jake’s cologne on your skin, can still taste the sting of goodbye on your tongue.

But Jake was just one chapter. You know you’ll have more.

[whinlatter]

thoughts about wolfstar? you're now the one i go to for any hp related thoughts

omg this is VERY nice of you but i'm pure flop on marauders thoughts, they're all extremely half-baked, so best left to others. here my half-baked wolfstar thoughts offered sheepishly and apologetically!

the thing is - i quite like the idea of wolfstar. to be honest i was sort of imagining a sort of wistful wolfstar vibe to how i wrote lupin in orchards in the aftermath of sirius' death. but i think the wolfstar i like is quite a specific version of it that's increasingly hard to find in fic searches so i don't often go looking for it (which is pure laziness on my part). my interest in canon coherent characterisation limits me here - i think there's such a strong case for wolfstar as a pairing written in ways that attend to the very clear dynamics (and timelines) that canon makes plausible (including in AUs, where actually characterisation matters more, not less, than in 'canon compliant' fics, because it's the reader's only anchor). there is an intensity and an intimacy to what sirius and remus share in the marauders and the significance of a boyhood spent together in their adult lives, a literal physical proximity of them living together as adults post azkaban as two men who have such complex feels towards themselves and especially to their bodies, including an overlapping self loathing, and they're both characters that can very plausibly read as queer-coded in rich and interesting ways. and then, of course, there's an inherent narrative shape to both of their canon arcs (the tragedy, delicious). these are just some of the dynamics in a potential romantic relationship between the two of them that can make for really rich and interesting potential to work with in fic writing.

the trouble i find with a lot of wolfstar, less as a matter of principle than what actually gets written more often than not, is that the stuff i personally find rewarding and interesting as a writer/reader is work that bears some relationship with the canon text (even if - especially if - it's to pull it apart and expose its flaws and complexities). a queer reading of the relationship between sirius and remus in canon is absolutely plausible and can be deeply compelling, and, as queering HP as a text remains a powerful fuck you to its author whose reaction to the ship was errrr quite homophobic, still really important.

but. challenging the text means having some sense of the characterisation of the essence of these characters as rendered in the text, and canon is clear about certain aspects of sirius and remus' characterisations that limits my enthusiasm for a lot of wolfstar that has sprung up in recent years (especially in and around ATYD, which i'll say more about in a minute). the truth is that canon strongly suggests that sirius cares much less about remus than he ever does about james (dropping @saintsenara's excellent manifesto for why unrequited prongsfoot is canon, also the rec for one of the best fics i read last year that @ashesandhackles put me onto, empire builders by shecrows, a gorgeous complex funny angsty prongsfoot fic that's not not canon compliant timeline-wise). it's also clear that the marauders as a friendship group functioned as a group of three boys all working towards james potter as the de facto leader, each with their own complicated feelings and levels of loyalty and devotion to james that undoubtedly shaped, and limited, how the other three felt towards each other (especially after james' death). the kind of wolfstar lore that's sprung up in the last few years, especially from marauderstok, of roadman remus the romeo of gryffindor tower that young sirius is wildly and hopelessly in love with, and is desperate to reunite with after azkaban, is a version of wolfstar that's sort of compelling as an original story but, for my taste, bears too little relationship to their core canon characterisation to be really up my street. a wolfstar with really fucked up power dynamics that plays with sirius' idolisation of james and remus having to play second fiddle? delicious. or even unrequited/onesided wolfstar from remus to sirius - yum. but the rest, i struggle with. by the time they've left school, remus thinks sirius is the spy and sirius thinks remus is the spy. that is not giving soulmates, in my mind. but as with most of these things, i'm very open to being proved wrong.

(with that said, though, i think the subculture and lore that's built around wolfstar is really astonishing and often extremely compelling, i think ATYD is obviously a huge accomplishment and deserves its flowers for launching such a phenomenon, and there's masses of quality writing and art and general creative talent coming out of wolfstar spaces that it's hard not to be continually impressed by. also some of those tiktok edits absolutely slap. that remus-centric animated noah kahan one. unreal)