#i'm gonna remember this when i'm having days where i feel like i'm not gonna get through some of this shit istg

[stxrvel]

the routine (4)

heeeey guys. this is a short one but i wanted to share something with you, since it's been a while! it's getting harder to write, but i found some peace of mind today so i wanted to give you this. hope u like this! love u all and hopefully see u next time. i promise it's gonna get better, just give me some time :(.

summary: trying to settle into life after what happened has proven to be just as difficult for both you and Azriel… pairing: azriel x fem!reader words: 1.5k warnings: still just angst.

part 1: the cliff

part 2: the house

part 3: the court

There was something bittersweet hanging around your house since that argument with your parents. It had been a week since you had returned and, sadly, things didn't feel as good as they used to. You didn't expect you all to be exactly the same either, you and your parents had been through specific times that wouldn't allow them to ever be the same again, especially when they were so reluctant for you to return to the Night Court. Even you didn't know if you would be completely ready to do so in the near future.

One good thing was that, during those days, you had learned to manage your emotions to keep them from running strongly through the bond you shared with Azriel so as not to overwhelm him. Perhaps it was the only thing that had distracted you during that time from rethinking what had happened, even more than your parents' attempts at conversation.

There was also the matter of the shadows. You knew they were Azriel's, you thought they belonged to him, but some of them were constantly accompanying you, and they got scares out of your father from time to time.

Going back to your parents was supposed to bring you peace, but you felt calmer every time you looked at the tattoo running down your arm and the promise Azriel had made to you with crystallized eyes.

“I hear your thoughts all the way over here, you know?”

You lifted your head, blinking faster. The wind caressed your cheeks and moved your loose hair, for a moment forgetting where you were. Shadows gathered around your feet.

“I'm sorry, did you say something?”

Alya had a posture with her arms up, sending you a curious look. Your childhood friend barely needed to hear the tones in your voice to know when you were lying, but she seemed to want to let it go that time. The people around you didn't seem to know how to deal with the conversations when word got out that you were back, but Alya had a talent for knowing when to touch on topics and when not to.

“Several things,” her body moved toward the fruit baskets, taking the last basket in her arms and starting to walk in the opposite direction. “My brother got married.”

“Really?”

“And he has children.”

“Really?”

“Twins.”

You let out a laugh, remembering Alya's rebellious older brother. Your visits to her house were always accompanied by the constant whining and fighting between Trav and his parents because he didn't want to start a family in the near or distant future. He was so insistent about it, even though it was the only thing his parents wanted. According to Alya's accounts, it was impossible for him not to start imagining that future when he met his mate.

“What about you?”

“Ah, no, please, no. There is nothing interesting to tell about my life. I assure you that Mrs. Taylors had a more exciting life for the past few years than I have,” Alya and you arrived at her mother's fruit stand, where she dropped the last basket of goods you had helped her move all morning. You marched beside her, detailing the look of nonchalance she was trying so hard to maintain.

“It couldn't have just not happened. It was… too many years,” despite the boastfulness with which you wanted to carry the conversation, your voice reached to cut off finishing the sentence. Alya turned to look at you, her worried eyes analyzing your face before grabbing your wrist and walking away from the fruit stand.

“You know you don't have to pretend around me, right?”

Alya closed the door to her house behind her. Her family had gotten a very homey house right in the heart of the city's commerce and they kept their very well kept stall right in front of it. Every corner of the place felt like a home because of the great dedication and love her whole family put into it. Even when her brother was missing, it seemed that the house had not lost any strength or presence.

Maybe that's why you felt a wave of longing and nostalgia hit your body, leaving you more vulnerable than you had been the last few days.

“Living with my parents hasn't been so great,” you began, lowering your gaze with a frown. Alya had moved into the kitchen and you had happily settled down on the counter right in front of the stove. Your hands in front of you on the white ceramic were moving nervously, interlocking and clattering your nails on the hard material. “After so long I thought that… I thought that nothing would change when I came back. I thought we'd be even closer together than before, I even thought we'd sleep together. I spent so many nights… alone and so cold. I couldn't bear the thought of going back and having to go through that kind of torturous loneliness again.”

Alya moved in front of you, setting aside the tea brewing to clasp her hands in yours, still twitching in nervousness and anxiety. Her expression was no longer one of dread as she noticed shadows moving around you.

“Is it because of him?”

You nodded, and acknowledging it once again was no less painful.

“It's illogical, I think,” Alya rested her arms on the ceramic, frowning slightly. The warmth of her hands, even though it wasn't a bit chilly in her house, brought you just enough coziness to try to soothe your heart. It reminded you of that moment at the border of Court Day next to Azriel. “After so long without seeing you, why not take advantage of the indefinite time you'll be with them? They stress too much about something that could happen in two decades, even.”

“I've tried to tell them, but I don't think they'll be happy until I tell them I'm not coming back.”

“What about him?” Alya cocked her head to one side, and at your confused look added, “He wouldn't be willing to come?”

“What? No. I couldn't even suggest it to him,” you shook your head as soon as the words left her mouth.

“Why not?”

“His whole life is in that court, Alya. Asking him to give it all up for me just because I wouldn't be willing to do it for him, wouldn't that be too selfish?”

“You must keep in mind that you've been through special circumstances. If he really feels a quarter of the bond love, then he won't mind giving up everything for you.”

“I don't want to talk about this anymore. The tea is going to dry up.”

Alya shifted letting out a gasp of surprise.

“Fine. But you have to keep in mind that it's not just about you now. You're not alone anymore. You don't have to make decisions for him or stop making them because it's not just your feelings you have to be careful with.”

-

Azriel still didn't understand how Mor had convinced Tarquin and Rhysand to meet for that reunion on the day you finally returned home, but he was immensely grateful that she had been able to negotiate the terms down to the last instance. The same thing he would've done.

“Are you ever going to see him again?”

“Not as long as I live.”

The aforesaid appeared at the training camp when Azriel was taking some time away from the crowd of people living in the Town House. He would never have believed that he would rather strain his body until he passed out just so he wouldn't have to meet Rhysand's or Cassian's face at every corner. The blood in his veins burned as if it had poison in it, one step away from starting to spit in their directions as if they were the only ones to blame for everything that had happened.

As if he needed to find a culprit for your departure.

But there was no one to blame. It had been your decision. And every day since then Azriel's sentence became significantly larger and more tedious to carry. The worst part was not even knowing when that ordeal would end. Living with that bitterness in his heart and that emptiness in his soul, he didn't believe there could ever be peace in his relationship with his brothers. No one in the house overlooked that.

"She's fine," Mor changed the subject abruptly, knowing exactly how to appease the flame of his anger.

Azriel nearly melted with his forehead against the punching bag. His shoulders slumped in momentary relaxation, the only relaxation he'd allowed himself to have since you'd left.

“You saw her?”

“Yes, she was spending time with her friends. She was smiling. Laughing. She looked happy.”

Azriel had to fight the whine that wanted to escape his lips. He shook his head in assent, trying to keep the emotions at bay, sending a silent thank you through the masses of air. He felt his heart squeezed inside his chest. Every day was a constant uncertainty because he couldn't even feel her anymore…

Mor had to travel weekly to Summer because one of the terms of their agreement with Tarquin required it and for the last three weeks all Azriel had been waiting for was news about you, to know that you were well, that you looked well, that you were really happy there, at home… away from him.

“You know that doesn't imply that she wants to forget you, right?”

The mere implication made his head fall back on the sack. Azriel tried to nod, feeling the words and his own emotions choking him. His body would become an inert object at some point, that much he knew, because he couldn't spend too long living like this. He couldn't even imagine it, if he was just beginning the period that could last for years, even centuries for all he knew.

“I know…” his voice came out choked, almost mistaken for a sigh. “I know.”

He repeated again to himself.

Azriel dreaded knowing how things were going to be from now on.

-

taglist: @isa1b2h3 @naturakaashi @anuttellaa @tele86 @amysangel @fxckmiup @inloveallthetime @fightmedraco @railingsofsorrow @fandomarchiveilyd

[babygirl-diaz]

Heart to Heart to Heart

This fic is dedicated to the anon who sent me an ask saying "Don't write poly, it's a sin." I wish you a pleasant day and enjoy your fic!

***

It was their one-month anniversary and Eddie wasn't sure Buck and Tommy even remembered it. Or if they even wanted to celebrate it. He was too embarrassed to ask. This was his first relationship with two other people and he was so into them. They lit up his entire world and made him feel something no other relationship ever did.

"What's wrong?"

Eddie looked up to see Hen giving him a concerned look.

"Nothing," Eddie shook his head.

"Sure looks like something," Hen replied and sat down next to him on the sofa. "Is everything okay with Buck and Tommy?"

"Yeah, everything is fine. I just- just-" Eddie sighed before saying, "-When I was with Shannon, we kinda celebrated every little milestone we had. From our first month together to our first kiss, etc. And I loved that. I loved having a silly little anniversary for everything. And the smile it brought to Shanon's face always made my day better."

Hen nodded along but it was clear from her expression that she didn't quite get where Eddie was going with this.

"-It's my one-month anniversary with Buck and Tommy," he explained.

"And you wanna celebrate it?" Hen asked and a small smile twitched on her lips.

"I do," Eddie replied. "I really do."

"Then go for it. What's the problem?" Hen continued to ask.

"You have to understand, I've never been in a relationship with a man before, let alone two men. So I'm just wondering if they're gonna wanna celebrate it or they'll find the whole thing ridiculous," Eddie replied and looked down at his hands.

"Well, you'll never know if you don't ask," Hen told him.

"But what if they laugh at me?" Eddie asked and couldn't help but pout a little.

"Then do you really wanna be with them?" Hen asked.

Eddie was taken aback by that question, but he knew Hen was right.

That evening, Eddie stopped by a flower shop and bought two bouquets, one for Buck and another for Tommy. They were simple bouquets of red roses because he was cheesy like that.

They were going to meet at Tommy's that night and when Eddie reached his house, he stayed in the truck a little longer than necessary, just looking at the flowers on the passenger seat. He wondered if he should take them. In the end, he just said fuck it and took the bouquets with him. He knocked on Tommy's door and waited patiently for him to answer.

"Hey, baby," Tommy greeted him cheerily after opening the door.

"Hey," Eddie replied awkwardly.

"Hey, Eds!" Buck appeared behind Tommy. "What's wrong?" He asked with concern in his voice.

"Nothing," Eddie tried to assure him. "Um... I got these for you two!" He quickly told them, handing them the bouquets.

Both of their faces lit up like Christmas trees as they took the flowers from him.

"For our first month anniversary?" Tommy asked.

That took Eddie aback. "You remembered?"

"Of course we did! Doh!" Buck chuckled and stepped aside to let Eddie in.

Once Eddie was inside, both Buck and Tommy planted a kiss on each of his cheeks.

Eddie blushed profusely at that.

"Come on, gotta show you something." Buck took Eddie's hand and led him to the living room.

Eddie turned around to look at Tommy for answers but he just shrugged.

"Ta-da!"

Eddie's eyes widened when he saw the scene before him. There was a table set up for the three of them with all sorts of food and a candle in the middle of the table. There were also two sets of the same red rose bouquet sitting on the table. "Wh-" He started to say in disbelief.

"Happy anniversary, baby!" Tommy said in his ear after wrapping his arms around Eddie's middle.

"I can't believe you guys did this!" Eddie said.

Buck wrapped his arm around Eddie from the front, sandwiching him between himself and Tommy. He kissed Eddie's forehead, making him smile. "You love anniversaries. So could we not celebrate our very first one?"

"How did you know I love anniversaries?" Eddie looked at him confused.

"You told me, silly. Don't you remember?" Buck asked.

"I did?"

"Yeah, you were once telling me about Shannon and how you two enjoyed celebrating every little anniversary together," Buck replied.

"So we figured we should continue the tradition," Tommy added, kissing behind Eddie's ear.

"You two-" Eddie started to say but he really teared up this time. "I can't believe-"

"Well, you better believe, baby," Buck told him and kissed his forehead. "And the best part is that we all ended up bringing each other red roses. We're such saps."

"That we are," Tommy agreed. "There's another first time we haven't had yet. At least not with you," he said pulling away from Eddie.

Buck did too and wrapped his arm around Tommy's waist instead, pulling him close.

"I- I'm still not ready," Eddie told them awkwardly and shifted from one foot to another.

"That's not what we meant, baby," Buck assured him.

Eddie looked at them confused and Tommy chuckled before saying, "Our first kiss. We haven't had that yet."

"But we've kissed before," Eddie told them, still feeling confused.

"Yeah, we kissed at Maddie's wedding when you pulled both of us close and planted a sloppy kiss on our lips. But I am talking about our first proper kiss, where you let us explore that pretty mouth of yours," Buck suggested.

Eddie looked between the two of them and blushed again.

"We of course don't have to if you're not ready," Tommy quickly assured him.

"Yeah, of course not," Buck added.

"No, no, I am ready. I want it. I just- I didn't realize that we haven't kissed since the wedding," Eddie replied.

Buck and Tommy looked at each other before taking each of Eddie's hands and leading him to the couch. They all sat down and Buck pulled Eddie into his lap.

"Do you wanna go first?" Buck asked Tommy.

"No, be my guest," Tommy replied and kissed Buck once.

Eddie felt his heart thrum in his chest as he watched them kiss.

Buck then pulled away and tilted Eddie's chin up, bringing him forward, and kissing him. It was a slow kiss. Very different from the one he shared with Buck and Tommy a month ago. He opened his mouth when Buck's tongue traced his lips and let him in. Buck was respectful and didn't push Eddie. He rested his hands on Eddie's waist and left them there. He also let Eddie set the pace of the kiss. Eddie felt like his whole body was on fire. He grasped onto Buck's shirt and pulled him closer so that he could feel his body and his heart pressed against him. They soon parted for air and looked at each other. "You good?" Buck asked.

"Better than good," Eddie replied and wondered if his lips were swollen just like Buck's.

"Holy shit, that was hot," Tommy chimed in. "I don't know if I'm ready to follow that."

"Tommy just shut up and kiss me," Eddie told him, feeling a bit more confident, and slipped into his lap instead, straddling him.

"God, you're so beautiful," Tommy pointed out and stroked his cheek with his thumb and pointer finger.

Eddie leaned in and kissed him instead. Tommy's arms wound around Eddie's waist and he pulled him closer as he kissed him. Like Buck, he took it slow as well. His lips were rougher than Buck's and waited for Eddie to let him in out of his own will. But when Eddie let him in, it almost felt like he was ready to consume him. His tongue wet and heavy in Eddie's mouth, explored every inch of it and he drew out moans from him, which he then swallowed back. They kept kissing for what seemed like hours before coming up for air.

Eddie felt dazed after kissing him. "You two are going to be the death of me," he told them when he found his voice again.

[prince-toffee]

So, I rewatched the trailer over and over again, I stepped back, organised my thoughts, and I think I get it.

So first the Bad, then the GOOD, because there's actually a lot to like here.

The Bad:

So, the trend of companies kicking actual voice actors onto the curb and replacing them with celebrities continues. I remember being really angry when they first announced the voice cast, and I still am. It's quite literally the most boring, generic casting possible. You can not get much more white bread, milk toast than a Chris and Scar - I want to play an Asian woman and trans man - jo. Also, why is Chris Hemsworth here? Do he really need the money? Did Thor 4 damage his pockets that bad? There are so many talented voice actors that could've been Orion, David Kaye is a prime example Animated Optimus and Beats Wars/Unicron Trilogy Megatron, beloved by fans, if he was announced people would've been over joyed. I love Brian Tyree Henry, and he actually has some experience with va work as he voiced Jeff Morales in Spider-Verse, my original criticism still stands.... And Kegan, oh Kegan, I love you so much, Key and Peele was my childhood, and the Toad performance was perfectly fine, endearing even. But as Bee? I'm sorry, but no, that's not BumbleBee that's just actor/comedian Kegan Michael Key, I can't hear anything else. And it doesn't help that he's handed the worst lines.

Which brings us to the comedy. First impressions are EVERYTHING. And if you fumble that that hurts your film, and the perception of your film. I think that's really the problem here, it's a bad trailer not necessarily bad content. Packing the trailer with jokes for the sake of jokes and having that samey Hollywood liscensed music cringey feel to it. Like the guitar riff that played when the 'This Fall' card came up just made me turn off the video immediately. That's why I recommend watching the trailer without sound. Bee's jokes don't really land for me, I'm sure kids with love it tho, and that's good. But I'm sure all the jokes won't be bad, the final door gag is actually really funny. So I think it was just a bad joke that soured out feel of the tone at the beginning, which is unfortunate because like I said first impressions are everything. Because this is Josh Cooly, of Up, Inside Out, Toy Story 4 fame, I'm sure the film will have an emotional core to it.

A minor thing I don't much care for is having Bee be in the same age range as Orion, in my mind he's always constructed during the war at like the half way mark or near the end, he's the little brother of the group, and now he's old enough to remember Op and Megs before the war. Also he sounds way too old.

Oh, also I don't like Orion's personality.

Good:

Now for the good; I think the animations style is gorgeous. Would have I liked something Spider-Verse/Mutant Mayhem-esk, of course, but what are you gonna do? The stand out here is the environments, a visual feast. This might already be my favourite Cybertron, it's so different yet reminisant of the Cybertron we know. The fact that the surface transformers and shifts and changes is genius, very IDW Phase 2 inspired. And the fact that Cybertron is a techno-organic hybrid world ala Beast Machines is crazy! I love that, and wildlife! I bet that's how we get the cassettes. The character models are great too, you can actually tell what emotion is happening on a person's face. Gone are the days of faces being made up of razor blades and mandibles BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT INSECTS FUCK YOU MICHAEL BAY. THEY'RE PEOPLE! There's the nose, the lips, the eyes, and I can tell where one begins and ends. The eyes are gorgeous and detailed, and the face surface detail has smuges, wear, specs of dirt, metallic texture. Like, you nailed it! It's a person but a robot, you got it!

We see what we assume are the 13 Primes, Alpha Trion being the only survivor, maybe they were killed by the Quintessons and they took over. D-16, a ref to IDW and his toys designation in the toy catalogue, he'll obviously name himself after Megatronus ala TF Prime. He seems to have the Decepticon insignia before meeting The Fallen so maybe Megatronus' face is some sort of religious iconography, the Primes are a religion on Cybertron after all. It's all so fascinating, I can't remember the last time I was so excited to learn more about a new TF continuity.

Orion and D-16 are both miners and or workers, that's a refreshing take, no coptimus here. They've suffered the same way together, I bet story will be about dealing with that pain, what justice means, how far one is willing to take it and where justice stops and injustice begins. I know people are mad that the origins are a little different, but I ask you, different from what? Which continuity are you talking about? TF has never had a consistent singular timeline, and that's what I love about this franchise! It builds on itself with each new continuity! Take a bit of the old, mix it with new ideas and create something fresh, then that old guard leaves and a new team takes over and does the same and the franchise continues to evolve or should I say transform. Like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get, and new incarnations always give second chances to improve apon what came before. No Reboots, no risks means no Skybite, or Nemesis Prime, no Stasis Pods, Sparks, Protoforms, Energon ore, no Star Saber, Hot Shot, Knock Out, Airachnid, no All Spark, no Sari, no Bulkhead, no old grumpy Ratchet, none of that. Reboots are a part of this franchise's DNA. I sense the people that are complaining are the people who only value one continuity and discard all others.

It's really neat this universe's version of The Cast System is lower class worker protoforms being denied a Transformation Cog, it seems like it's reserved for the higher classes, the very thing that makes their species special and unique is denied to them. Also I didn't notice it the first time, but Alpha actually pulls the t-cogs out of the dead Primes which kind of signifies a passing of the guard, the old Primes failed, now it's your turn, and of course history repeats itself with the downfall of Megatron.

I like how Trion is covered and intertwined with moss and vines and has a beast mode, showcasing that he's of an older era now gone and forgotten.

Some other smaller stuff:

The sun looks like a holographic simulation, which makes me wonder, Cybertron doesn't usually have a sun, but there's plant life now, so what's up?

The cave that the dead Primes and Trion are in kinda looks like a Dweller.

Megatron's black helmet is a ref to Marvel G1.

That spin kick where Elita twirls her entire waist around is sooo satisfying. I love it.

AIRACHNID!!?!!!! MY QUEEN HAS RETURNED!!!!!!!

I think that's a good point to end on. So, yeah, v excited.

[isaksbestpillow]

Gmmtv 2024 part 2

Didn't we just have part 1??? I don't remember any of the shows in part 1 but it's time to watch another 15 mock trailers. I actually haven't finished a Gmmtv show in ages so let's see whether they manage to lure me back!

Ossan's Love Th

The original franchise is my beloved and it's interesting to see it adapted to a different culture especially since Thailand is more progressive than Japan as far as lgbtq rights go, but this show is harder to adapt than something like Cherry Magic because so much of the comedy comes from Japanese language/culture and the actors. They really hit the jackpot with the original cast, they're hard to replace. I wasn't blown away by the trailer but I like Eartmix and I'm glad they cast a veteran actor as the boss so I'm going to give it a shot. I might've been more optimistic if I hadn't just seen OLR and been reminded of how great the original cast and editing is, the trailer couldn't quite meet that energy for me. But I don't think this is the official trailer yet??? I hope they'll they'll tune it up for the real thing! Anyway, it's nice to see Earth in a fun role after so many brooders.

Leap Day

This one seems to be a thriller with Dew and Pond who both suffer from a curse that kills their loved ones every leap year. The characters are called Night and Day. Where have I heard this before................... People are dying and Gun plays a disabled brother (?). I won't be tuning in.

The Heart Killers

Firstkhao and Joongdunk are making out and handling guns. Khaotung gets a terrible tattoo of 信/trust. I don't know what the plot is. This is an outing by P'Jojo, but unfortunately his latest works haven't been the moment for me, I feel like his plots fall flat in the middle and I tune out. Casting two branded bl pairs is an interesting choice, but I don't want to be there when their fans take out their rulers to measure who got the most screentime.

Friendshit Forever

30-year-olds play university students. Heterosexual activity happens. This time with knives. I'm already sensing a pattern with these shows.

Perfect10 Liners

The mandatory Jittirain university bl. Please sit down for what I'm about to say because you may be shocked by the surprise: they were engineers.

Us

Another gl??? Stop the press!! I already watched the trailer three times. A woman tries to make heterosexuality work with the brother but actually likes the sister. Finally a gl where I feel like I'm in the target audience. The high heel lesbians that we've gotten so far just don't feel that relatable to me, so I've watched those gls as entertainment but not gotten deeply emotionally invested. I don't really know the main actors sans Sing which is great since I can enter with a fresh perspective. This one feels like the first serious romance out of this batch. I'm gonna watch the hell out of this!!!!!

Hide & Sis

We start with a murder. Jan is here. The vibe feels very PS I Hate You. Oh, it's by the same producers, no wonder! I expect this to do well in Thailand but I'm not planning on tuning in.

Thame - Po Heart That Skips a Beat

Another bl with some new guys. Who will be Gmmtv's next branded pair? The story is set in the idol industry. I hate this type of music lol. My heart did not skip a beat but maybe the actual show will be more interesting.

Break up service

Off and Godji run a dubious breakup service in this story based on a webtoon. The vibes are very Midnight Motel with more grey morals since there is illegal filming of sexual activity.

Revamp The Undead Story

Bounprem have moved to Gmmtv. I don't really vibe with vampire stuff. *gets shot*

Sweet Tooth, Good Dentist

We got Mark Pakin in a main role but at what cost. He's a dentist and it's another Jittirain adaptation (how many books has this author churned out???).

The Dark Dice

I feel like I already saw this same trailer like four times. Jumanji meets all the other dark trailers from this batch.

The Ex-Morning

Kristsingto return as exes with unfinished business. Krist's character is a reporter who has a scandal during a livestream, Singto's character returns from abroad to help rebuild his reputation. The setting is hilarious, I love it. Both have matured a lot since Sotus days and I'm genuinely excited for this one.

Scarlet Heart Thailand

Gmmtv tries their hand at a historical drama. A lot of popular names in the lineup. The trailer doesn't give out much but this is a remake of a Chinese series.

That was all 15 trailers, I think! I'm looking forward to Us and The Ex-Morning the most.

[hey-august]

@soupsprout, you wanted the sad ending to this angst and here it is! I'm gonna go curl up and feel both accomplished and bad for a while. 🥲

Also, @rorywritesjunk, I put the answer to the riddle in this ending, if you're still curious. 👀

➜ First part here WC: ~600 Warnings: buggy x GN!reader, mentions of death (off-screen reader and others), mentions of blood, just overall sad and angsty, no comfort

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ✩ ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ✩ ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ ✩ ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

Things were bad and then they got worse. It took too long to find help, not that it would have mattered. Mohji tried to tell Buggy, but he wasn’t sure if the captain really heard him. 

Buggy was sitting on the ground next to you, holding your limp hand in his, and staring at nothing. Your body was slumped against his, as if you were resting. Your face was covered in red - smeared handprints from someone trying to wake you up, and face paint from someone apologizing and begging for something to change.

“Captain, what should we do? We can’t just stay here.”

No response.

“Captain? We have to do somethin-”

Buggy grabbed Mohji by the neck. The anger that flashed on his face was briefly preceded by a more painful and haunting expression.

“Go after them. Chase those fuckers down, anyone who got away,” Buggy said through gritted teeth.

Mohji nodded and coughed when Buggy let go. “And…” The next question trailed off as the lion tamer struggled not to see you, but a body that needed to be disposed of.

“That’s all. Those are the orders. Go!”

Buggy knew exactly what Mohji was going to ask, but he wasn’t ready yet. Besides seeking vengeance, he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how to feel. He was full of anger and blame, which fueled the wrath that he used to lash out indiscriminately.

Of course he blamed the raiders who ambushed his ship, and Buggy made sure they felt regret until their last breath. The sounds of screaming and begging for mercy went on far longer than anyone Buggy’s crew expected. 

Unfortunately, Buggy’s anger turned on them next. They shouldn’t have let this happen. Rather than exploding with violence, Buggy began to withdraw. Part of him knew it wasn’t their fault, the crew always had each other’s backs, but he had trouble looking at anyone that was in the same room as you.

For a brief moment, Buggy also blamed you. It was your fault. You shouldn’t have gotten hurt. You should have known better. As soon as that thought formed, all the guilt fell onto Buggy’s shoulders. How could he think that of you? How could he have let this happen? He put you in danger. He didn’t protect you. He didn’t save you. He just let you die.

Buggy couldn’t bring himself to give you a burial at sea. He was afraid of sending you somewhere he couldn’t follow. You said it didn’t matter during one of those late night talks that knitted you two closer together. He remembered how bright the stars were then.

Instead of giving your body to the sea, Buggy chose a small island. One where you could always see the stars, even if they don’t shine as bright anymore.

Eventually, Buggy started eating with the crew again. Laughing with them. Drinking with them. But some days, he would withdraw. He’d sit down on the bloodstained floor, after forbidding anyone from cleaning or replacing the boards, and spend time with you.

At first he would just sit there in silence, full of pain and heartache. Then he started talking. Buggy would tell you about life on the ship, what happened that day, any little story that popped into his mind.

Sometimes, Buggy would tell you jokes and riddles. He always made sure to tell you the punchline as soon as possible, pushed by remorse and fear of leaving you without the answer again. He’d indulge in the humor until his laugh turned into sobs that he couldn’t hold in any longer.

Wiping away his tears with the back of his hands, he'd sit there with a single stinging thought. After losing you, Buggy felt like a lion at the South Pole. He felt lost.

[marmaladedcroissant]

First things first, tackling things one at a time, I’m going to go throught the songs and look at their lyrics, and slowly connect them to Darry, I have yet to watch the show, and I could probably piece things together more clearly if I did go and watch it, but knowing me that would make it near impossible to return to this and it would forever remain as a draft to be expanded on. I highly suggest listening to these songs (If you haven’t already.).

Starting off with Inertia:

I was gonna save the planet, but today I got plans

I guess this is just what I am

Focusing on how Darry works to jobs and hardly has enough time for himself, seeing as all the shenanigans the gang seems to get up to, from Dally getting jailed, to Steve and Johnny abusive parents, and evenhis, Soda’s, and Pon’ys own issues, along with keeping up with the bills and making sure everyone is fed and taken care of. Gonna be honest, I feel like Darry sacrificed some of his own health to ensure that they could keep the house or pay the bills on time or just make sure everyone had food, seeing as how the gang practically lives at the Curtis house.

I'm an object in motion

I've lost all emotion

Darry, from Pony's view, looks cold and emotionless, and according to Pony, he’s “hard as a rock and about as human.” (Page 39, fourth paragraph down)

We know that’s not true, everyone feels something, no matter how hard they try not to, and we get to see Darry start to break down a bit, Sitting in the chair, knowing damn well he has work the next day but staying up late, 2 AM, just to make sure Pony is okay, when he very well could have gotten up from the chair and gone to bed, leaving Soda on the couch to wait for their younger brother.

My two legs are broken, but look at me dance

An object in motion, don't ask where I'm going

'Cause where I am going is right where I am

Darry had plans to go to college, and that was what fueled a good part of his and Paul's rivalry, but Darry was unable to go to college, as his parents are killed and he has to step up and take care of and provide for his younger siblings, effectively cutting off an entire section of his life for them, His parents being these legs that are broken, how he’s and object continuously moving, no time to comprehend what’s happening around him and how to handle it, hell, I don’t think he’s even had time to properly mourn the deaths of his parents yet, or even bother to move their things out of what now qualifies as ‘His room’, intentionally leaving their things in the room to feel closer to them, to have more to remember them by, more things to physically remind him of them, and the collective loss.

I wanna move out of this town

But everyone knows me, and packing is tiring

Inertia

Even if Darry were to somehow find a way back to his plans, it would be incredibly difficult. With the amount of memories stored in the house, and it being a designated hang out spot, Darry probably grew fond of the house over time, becoming more and more attached as time goes on, and not only that, but the fact it was something else to remind him of his parents, of everything good that happened because of them. Sure, he could keep the house, keep his jobs, but go to college anyways, but how would he realistically be able to manage all of that? He’d hardly have time to take care of himself, and in the end it would do far much more harm than good. Working to keep a house no one lives in, while trying to better himself and his own life after throwing it all away in milliseconds just to keep his brothers with him for as long as possible.

I wanna be big like my plans, so why'm I so tiny

And why'm I so mad?

It's inertia

Guess this is just what I am I'm stuck in this life, and I'm stuck in these pants

Darry had bigger plans for himself, to go out and go through college, to figure things out as he went but tackling one thing after then next as best as he could, go places, do things, meet new people, experience things he probably hasn’t yet, and find what makes him happy without something holding him back, without something that prevents him from stopping and turning around when he’s oh so close to that gold mine of his dreams, so close he can feel them, only to get called back for one thing or another.

Darry is stuck in Tulsa. He knows this. It’s been hammered into his head so many times now I highly doubt there’s a chance it could change. I firmly believe that he, as a character, knows he was born in Tulsa, that he was raised in Tulsa, and that he will die in Tulsa.

[youremyheaven]

What are your thoughts on men with prominent Venus nakhatras? Ngl, I feel from personal experience that Purva Phalguni men have an inclination to be more promiscuous compared to other nakshatras 😂 Do you feel Bharani and Uttara Phalguni are similar as well?

my FAV question 😍bc I'm a Venusian men connoisseur, enthusiast and expert 😤🤭

God has given me the exquisite privilege of having known many Venusian men and women and let me tell y'all 😍I love them😍 this is gonna be a bit of a storytime as well so buckle up.

Fair warning, these experiences are a bit of a mixed bag 🤧😤

1. Purvaphalguni Moon guy, super duper sweet, would bring me chocolates, drop me home in his car whenever I asked?? just all around super considerate?? he always did that tall guy thing where they bend forward a little bit to hear you better and idk it always made my heart skip a beat 😌he once saw me argue with a guy and he intervened and then also told me to let him know if this other guy ever gave me trouble (im really into this kind of performative masculinity 😌) he always defended me in front of others?? and always took my side and made me feel comfortable. he asked me out one night and confessed that he had a thing for me for 5 years (i been knowing but I played it cool 😎) but then got all pervy and said he wished I was in bed next to him??? 🤮🤮🤮Imagine waiting 5 years to confess and then u fkn ruin it like that ??? Gave me the ICK big time. I stopped talking to him, 6 months later, he texts me again and says he misses me and wants to ask me out again and I was seeing my ex at that point so I told him I'm seeing someone else and he said ?? it doesn't matter ??? 😭😭 and that he's never ever felt this way ever before and that he wanted me to think this over ??? (I never texted him after that)

2. Purvaphalguni Moon man in his 30s- I worked with him a few years ago. He was super shy and kind of awkward but extremely intelligent and good at what he did. He was married and had a kid. He always gave me mixed signals?? one day I was working with him and it was just us and he said that he's been intrigued by me since the first day and that he usually never initiates conversation with anyone but really wants to talk to me (he seemed genuine and he legit did not speak to anybody there and he had a very warm gentlemanly demeanor so none of this sounded creepy to me) and he told me that I seem very different from everybody else and I was like 😏😏but then he said "you seem to carry a heavy emotional burden" and I was like 😳😳how u know that and I said (we were talking in our mother tongue and I said this using very formal language??) "I don't deny that" and he responded (in similarly formal language) "Even if you do, I won't believe you" and trust me y'all my heart was 😭😭😭he always helped me?? always did little things to make things easier for me?? even when we weren't directly working together, i could always tell he was watching me?? He always indulged me?? I remember how I'd do something stupid and look at him with a 🥺🥹poor me kind of expression and his face would soften and he'd help me out in a very warm genuinely sweet way?? the first guy I mentioned was also like that, the eyes chico, they never lie

3. My ex had Venus atmakaraka so I'm gonna include him 🤪

Y'all the man was obsessed with me. He'd come all the way over to my house, just to see me stand on my balcony 😭 he came all the way over to my house to give me a love letter he wrote for me?? He knew I loved dark chocolate so one day out of the blue, he bought me a big bar for no reason?? along with a book because he knows I love to read 😭😭he loved giving head 🤪i associate being a giver with Venusian men ngl and he always told me he was so fond of it. He always video called me bc he missed seeing me and whenever we went even a little while without talking on call, he'd call me and then say "God I missed your voice, please keep talking, I just want to hear you" 😭😭😭and he'd buy me little gifts 🥺 and we'd do this thing where he kissed me all over my face, even on video?? like I'd point to my forehead and he'd kiss that, then cheek, other cheek until my whole face was covered. I have a lot of moles all over me and he remembered them all and he'd give kisses to them as well 😭😭😭he always told me how pretty I looked and whenever I got shy, he'd do these cute hand gestures that you'd do to coo a baby?? and he'd say "awwww ur sooo cuteee when ur shy" and give me kisses 🥺and he always told me how he wants to see me make art etc and he'd call me after every therapy session to know how it went 🥺🥺 a million things were wrong with our relationship but all the goodness i associate with Venus tbh 😍

4. my Purvashada Moon male friend

he was in a relationship when i was friends with him but again, he was sooooo fond of me 🥺I was chilling with his gf once and he ran up to us with a DSLR and took pics of me and not her?? (I always felt like he didn't enjoy being with her but this moment really cemented that) he always included me in everything and he loved it when I'd make my jokes or tease him or whatever,, I'm the type of person who loves to be taken care of and he was the kind of guy who loved taking care of people,, he was always gentlemanly and sweet and would compliment me randomly?? again, he's never been a creep to me but I always felt awkward about how he seemed to treat me better than he treated his gf (he ended up cheating on her and breaking up with her so 😬😬)

5. Bharani Moon failed talking stage

He was super duper sweet. Extremely gentlemanly and considerate. One thing I've noticed is that all these Venusian men have complimented my voice/said they love to listen to me talk. I used to sing this man to sleep ya'll 🥹and he always said I put him in a trance?? lol? One time I told him that I'm such a boomer and I only know how to use my phone to text and make calls and he said "that's all you need to know cause if you need anything else, you have me" (for context: he was a software engineer) he helped me set up my LinkedIn??? one day we were on call and he asked me "oh the xyz internship you mentioned, can you tell me more about it?" and i thought it was a general question and i started yapping and he did that with my other internships and finally he said, "okay check your WhatsApp" and he had sent me a summarised bullet point list of everything??? and he said "okay now just copy paste this to LinkedIn" and i was so shook?? lol, he stayed on call with me until I was done, i asked him a million dumb questions and he was patient af and literally held my hand through the whole process (setting up a profile is really not that hard at all, it's just filling up a bunch of stuff and he was helping me out with that) after things ended between us, we spoke one more time and he said "I made xyz dish" (a dish that I had told him was my fav and which he didn't know how to make and promised me he would learn) and i was like "why?" and he said "because I was thinking of you and promised you I'd learn to make it" 😩😩😩😩i s2g these Venusian men really know how to get into ur heart bc wtf

6. Bharani Moon, the guy who I think might be my twin flame

First of all, UFFFFF he was obsessed with me. For over a year, he'd just follow me around like a lamb and stare. Even after he asked me out and I said I wasn't interested, he still didn't give up??? he seemed so obsessed with me , it was crazyy, he told me he just wanted to see me and talk to me (I don't know his personality at all but getting those texts kinda creeped me out but maybe he was as genuine as all the other guys?? 😶 Idk) he was always so intense?? like he never shied away from expressing his interest in me, i never expected him to be so forthcoming lol. he came all the way to my uni for no reason than to see me not once but TWICE 🥺🥺wish i could've interacted with him offline to gauge his personality bc based on how he was on text and call, I was put off by his intensity

edit:

7. bc i remembered another guy who was a Purvaphalguni Sun, Purvashada Moon

he was super sweet to me, he always wanted to talk to me, we'd spend hours talking and he always complimented me, he always asked me if he could bring me snacks??? and he lived like half an hour away and he always said "yk you just have to call and ill be at your door" whenever i spoke about wanting to travel, he'd always say "i'll take you" (i had known of him for a long time but we'd only been talking for a few days so i thought it was too much and kinda gave me the ick???) and he was always just doing THE most and then he got super pervy which made me uncomfortable. i told him off for it and he said sorry and then literally in the next conversation when i asked him "what are three things you'd want to do before you die?", he said 2 things and then said "you" and i was like 🙄🙄and he said "dont hold it against me, im a dying man" ICKKKK anyways we stopped talking lol

im actually only now realising that ive had less than positive experiences with Venusian women lol lmk if you want me to talk about that tho 😶

[transjudas]

“We were in this horrible accident in Sydney, Australia, and it was a near death experience.” (x, x)

[queen-mabs-revenge]

.

[weird-life-of-a-closet-fangirl]

No one talk to me I am currently thinking about the "smothered to death by mark" ending and wondering how long it took for the resentment to break him. Did it start out small, with him just hiding bits and pieces of himself in order to avoid demerits? Did he slowly begin hiding things from the captain, the person he once said he trusted more than himself, because he thought he would be punished for being himself? How long did it take him to realize that him being hurt over and over again was not worth whatever fleeting praise he got from the captain? That he was limiting himself from living a life for himself, that this version of the captain could never adore him the way he had once adored them? How many years of constant punishment did he take before he finally gave up? I am in shambles I feel so BAD for engie my poor boy :((

[firep0wder]

I don't want to go to work tomorrow I want to get high and have gay sex and play guitar with my friends forever and ever and eat good food. Alas weed costs money so I need the job

[highwaydiamonds]

As someone who hates the sisyphean task of cleaning, how dare my mental health prefer a clean room.

[iniziare]

Me yesterday: Having lost my Onenote notebook is fine, I’ll get to organize better and even update my old tags I wasn’t updating because I already had some so I could be lazy... Me this morning: Screw that, actually. Youtube this afternoon: Embrace your dreams. And, whatever happens... protect your honor... as a SOLDIER! Me now: 😭😭 Okay, I’ll do it for you, only because it’s you. I’ll do it a thousand times over.

[rubberbandballqueen]

i remember when i joined this site staff was one of the default blogs you followed (and probably the first blog i ever unfollowed a while later lol), but now that tumblr management has become, like, a force of good and all, it’s actually really interesting to follow their wip/changes blogs bc it truly feels like the vision they have for tumblr is, at its heart, community-oriented and personable.

and it’s nice!!!! it’s cozy!!!!!! everyone’s been saying it for ages as of late, but it feels! like!! a home!!!!

[throwing-roses-into-the-abyss]

I've seen some people complain that kinnporsche went too far with vegaspete, that they got uncomfortable and can never see vegaspete as a romantic relationship, and that this level of violence (apparently esp. the beating with a belt) doesn't belong in a bl

and really all I have to say to that is: maybe kinnporsche is just not for you. we knew from the start this would happen. we knew kinnporsche, for all its comedic parts, was going to have some incredibly dark themes, and a lot of violence. and if that makes you uncomfortable, if you just want to see hot boys fall in love and be unproblematically cute together, then you can watch literally any other bl out there. go watch 2gether or something idk.

but just accept that kinnporsche, and specifically vegaspete, is not for you, and maybe just stop watching.

and also maybe reconsider just what you think "bl" is or should be. should it all be wholesome fluff? should it only be "acceptable" levels of violence (whatever that means)? should we only have cute university romances between a guitar playing engineer student and a nerdy-but-cute guy from a random different department? because that's what I'm getting from "this doesn't belong in a bl".

maybe you're just not into the mafia genre. and that's fine. just stay away from it then. but there should be room for darker, more violent series with fucked up dynamics too. that's not going "too far", that's just something you personally might not like.

[skrunksthatwunk]

playing dmc1 with my earbuds in (but on low volume bc they're being weird) while my roommate and her shitty bf argue. i feel like i'm recreating the very specific experience of some child of divorce out there