#i'm just hunting koroks. you know how it is.

[thegeminisage]

i really hate to be critical of zelda at all - i don't consume it in the way i would for example s*pernatural - where i am mad half the time and constantly throwing shit at the writers. zelda is like, My Happy Place. and i especially don't want to feel at all critical of a new game prior to playing it or before i finish it for the first time. i wanna do the first time in complete & total bliss as god intended. THAT BEING SAID...

it actually is kind of making me miss botw!! sorry!!!

firstly, the next time i hear someone say "totk is just botw but better" i am going to bite their face off. botw and totk do take place in the same hyrule, but they are completely separate games. i'm actually shocked at how many mechanics from botw don't exist in totk - the champion abilities have been changed, bombs work differently, there's no stasis or cryonis, etc etc

and ALL of the sheikah stuff has been straight up wiped out of the game as well, which changes a lot of the vibe. i know people really didn't like the divine beasts overall, but the totk dungeons are just the same thing with a different aesthetic, and it's really missing the like...they're BEASTS, you know? they move around. they're haunted. they got ghosts in em. for all the claims that totk is darker, it actually feels way more optimistic, because everyone always comes together to solve problems (which i LOVE i am not criticizing that choice!! but it is wildly different than in botw)

i complained a little at the time about botw's memories all taking place in the past, and there being no real story set in the present-day, but actually, after playing totk...it almost worked better that way! don't get me wrong, i love that this game is fuller and there's more going on, i'm absolutely going nuts over the story so far, but it felt like there was really not any "wrong" order to see the botw memories in, whereas the totk memories feel much more like there IS a right order, even if that order is nonlinear.

and like my absolute number one complaint re botw was the map. it's a perfect map, and it was a blast to explore, but now that i've seen it i feel like i've seen it. you know?? like when i replayed botw some of the joy was lost, because they designed it specifically so that the joy IS in exploration, and i explored it all already. i didn't 100% my first file, on the wii u, but after i 100%ed it on the switch, i had 100%ed it. and yeah like parts of this map are different (so far the biggest difference is in death mountain imo), and yes they've added caves and sky islands and the depths, but the caves and sky islands are tiny compared to the rest of the world, and the depths are the depths.

idk, like i know part of this is because i got about 70% of the way through the story and ground myself to a halt so i could do deep exploration re: shrines, seeds, etc to get stronger (the game gets harder every time you beat a dungeon and i am having my ass kicked constantly). and like what i'm exploring is the surface, which has remained the same in many places, especially the remote places one finds korok seeds. korok seeds are definitely the least fun you can have playing zelda, even if it still is a zelda game and a good time. but it is suuuch a bummer to for example like climb to the top of gutcheck rock and find it uninhabited or see kass's house standing empty. (his ass better be in some DLC.) the map wasn't made for totk, it was made for botw, and they did do a great job but in just a few places it's still an ill fit.

AND FINALLY, it is really annoying how people don't know link - the scrubbed sheikah stuff - like all these changes made specifically not to alienate people who haven't played botw are alienating people who HAVE. or me and mc at least lol. if the joy is seeing how hyrule's changed since you've been away, and the answer is "actually it forgot you, but not in a deliberate cool way that would fuck you up, just in a frustrating way," that's a let-down. NOT TO MENTION the lore-breaking going on...veteran players and youtube guys will be scratching their heads all the way up until the next one comes out.

idk!! most of the time this game blows my mind, because it's an expansion of botw, which was so good and so special - truly the same kind of lightning-in-a-bottle stuff oot was made of, and i don't hand that sort of praise out lightly. but sometimes i feel as though i'm playing botw2 and not totk and i'm like "man after 4 years is this really It?" and like yeah this is It. it's a great game and i'm still having fun - i fucking love my hoverbike - but it's just not QUITE as special or as elegant/tied together as botw was - its story was simple but i'm starting to appreciate that simplicity as being essential to a story with absolutely no fat on it whatsoever. and a simple story does help in not, you know, BREAKING YOUR OWN LORE.

you never know though! maybe after i see more cutscenes and hunt less koroks i will change my mind! i definitely hope so

[zeldaelmo]

I'm very happy with this one! Losely inspired by Pokemon Go, obviously.😅

A Rare Find

Frowning, Link raised his gaze skywards and held his palm out. Thousands of tiny ice particles hit him. Was it snow? Or hail? He could hardly see it, but the humming resonating from the surfaces of the street he walked down was telling enough.

He stepped into the shelter of a front door bordering at the pavement, shaking his beanie hat out. Hm. Snow? Frozen rain? In any case, it was precipitation and that meant…

He pulled his phone out, tapped his Korok-Go app, and opened the map. Tingle-Alley. Was it here… yes! There, a rattling leaf on his screen! Oh, he was a lucky bastard tonight! He had tried to find this Korok for ages! The little diva was one of those who only appeared in rainy weather and as luck would have it, Link hadn't been around then. But today was the day! Haha!

Determined, Link pulled his beanie onto his head and marched off. Two blocks? That was nothing for a rain-Korok. He had climbed cliffs and crossed rivers on fallen tree trunks for less rare finds. 

At the parking lot in question, he shielded his screen from the still-pouring hail and adjusted his headphones. Slowly, he walked around, eyes hefted on the screen and ears attentive to the typical rattle the app made when he was close to a Korok. How was he supposed to hear anything when someone blasted music through the whole block that even his headphones wouldn’t filter out? Wait, there, a distant wooden chime. It must be over there… maybe behind the — ouch! 

What the…? Link rubbed his calf, cursing quietly. He needed to be more careful, he was already like one of those phone-addicted teenagers and stumbled over— yeah, what exactly?

Oh, good Goddess, a girl. And a pretty one on top of that.

She looked at him with wide eyes, clearly expecting nobody with her on this empty backside of a… what was it? Uh, some kind of party location? He took his headphones off. Colorful light flashed through the open door behind her and loud music shook the windows. No wonder he had hardly heard the wooden rattle.

"Hey," he started. "Um, sorry for stumbling into you. I didn't pay attention because I… well." He lifted his phone, the heat of his cheeks mingling with the cold of the evening. "I've been looking for a Korok. It's a game, Korok-go—"

"Me too." 

What? She sat on the steps of the emergency exit, no phone in sight. 

"Yeah? You don't look like, I mean, it's nothing of my concern, of course." He patted snow out of his beanie and slipped his phone back into his pocket. "Sorry again."

She still stared. "What did you say?"

"That I'm sorry?" Link frowned. She didn't even have a winter jacket, just boots, a dress, and a cardigan. "Are you okay? I don't want to pry, but I couldn't help but notice that you are hardly dressed for Korok hunting."

She sighed deeply, her breath forming a white cloud in front of her face. "Mostly okay. And no, I haven't been Korok hunting. Not now, at least." She stood up, brushing her glittering dress. "I should go back in. Go find your Korok. Which one was it, anyway?"

"A rainy one. I've been trying for one forever, but… if you need company for a moment, that's fine. I don't mind. I'm Link, by the way."

She hummed. "The rainy ones are hard to catch. Zelda, nice to meet you." She waved in the direction of the music. "I'm here for the party, but my ex just arrived, and—"

"Ah, a classic. Let me guess, he also brought his new girlfriend."

Zelda narrowed her eyes at him, shivering. "Are you making fun of me?"

"No, not at all. I've been there, believe me."

She shifted her weight, leaning against the handrail. "You don't look like someone who gets ditched."

Link shrugged. "You don’t either."

Zelda sighed again, pulling her thin cardigan closer. "I know I shouldn't care and I don't. Well, I try not to, but you should see the woman he brought, she's tall and sexy and everything I'm not. She's— she's the most beautiful woman at the whole party and he knows that and—"

"Shh." Link put his finger on his lips and arranged his scarf around her shoulders. It looked skimpy there and did nothing to warm her, but it was about the vibe. "He's wrong. The most beautiful woman of the party is standing right here next to me, clattering her perfect rows of teeth."

Surprised, she glanced at him, playing with the ends of the scarf meeting at her chest. 

"Do you want him back?" It was a bold question, but she'd been so open so far that Link needed to know.

She shook her head, kicking a pattern into the thin layer of snow with the tip of her boot. "He's an asshole and I should be happy to be rid of him. Still sucks to be replaced like it's nothing, though."

"Understandable." The next words were out before he had thought a single one of them through. "Need a fake boyfriend? I was just going for a walk and hunting Kor— ok, forget what I said, that was really stupid."

"No!" She jumped from the last step of the stairs down to him. "That's an excellent idea, actually! I mean, if you don't mind?"

His mouth fell open. Did this super cute girl just agree to be his girlfriend for an evening? Okay, okay, be cool, don't mess this up.

"Um, I'm fine with it if you are. More than fine, actually. But… can you just sneak me in?"

She laughed nervously, tugging the scarf. "I might have written +1 on the answer because I hoped…"

"Oh, I've done that, too once, don't worry. And now you have a +1!" He patted his winter jacket. "Is there some kind of dress code?"

"No, no. It's the annual winter party of our sports club, but it's very casual."

"Okay? Well then! Let's get you out of the cold!"

She hesitated one last moment, swaying back and forth, but then she laughed and pulled his sleeve. 

He still held onto her freezing hand when they threaded through the people inside and left his jacket at the checkroom. It was casual, to his relief, most men wearing a polo shirt like him. The women were more colorful and diverse, but he had only eyes for the one tugging him toward the bar.

Link carefully scanned the people, once they had their lemonade, trying to find out who exactly made her so twitchy. Was it the bulky one with the skinny girl glued to his hips? They both didn't give him the impression of having anything worthy of being envious of, but Zelda's view was more clouded. Or maybe the short, uh, vibrant one? But he seemed to be with friends, not with a specific girl.

The silence between them bordered on awkwardness, so Link turned his attention back to Zelda. "Um, maybe tell me a bit about your sports? If they come over I should at least know why we're here." She nodded, her lips wrapped around the straw of her lemonade. He took another sip, too, then he added, "That's not the only reason I'm asking, of course."

Her smile shone upon him, bright and sunny, and all the thoughts in his head ended with the conclusion that her ex must be the biggest idiot on earth.

"I'm in the archery club. Have been since I was a teen. It's been a bit difficult to juggle it with college, but I try to go as often as possible." She scrunched her nose adorably. "Helps me to find my balance. Do you do any sports?"

"Apart from hunting Koroks?" Link grinned and she matched him. "I used to do fencing, actually. I was in the school club and all, but yeah, college is hard. Maybe I should try again, now that I'm nearing the end."

She leaned forward, the tips of her hair brushing his arm, and wiggled her eyebrows. "We do have a fencing department."

"Well, I guess then I have to." They both chuckled and he admired how her eyes crinkled when she smiled. After that, their conversation flowed more naturally. They exchanged views of college life and sports, and Zelda gave him a quick overview about what she achieved in the club. Her two friends with whom she'd planned on going with tonight had both called out sick, but she didn't want to miss out for the first time in years just because of that. Link nearly forgot his assigned role for the evening, but then…

"Urgh." She bit her straw and turned to the bar. "Now they are dancing. It's the guy with the leather trousers."

Link slipped from his stool and stood beside her, leaning his elbow casually onto the bar. He whispered so that only she could hear it, "The one with the cleavage dropping to his navel so that we all have the pleasure of getting a glimpse of his tiddies?"

She laughed so hard that he feared the barkeeper would kick them out. "Yeah, that one."

Link hummed. "And his new girlfriend is the one who bought the shoes two sizes too small and three inches too high so that she can hardly walk, yes?"

"What? I didn't notice." She shifted, but Link put a hand on her arm. "Don't. He keeps looking over at you. Just pretend that you’re having the evening of your life."

"Oh?" She still giggled, a sound Link hadn't known to miss in his life until now. "I am having a very good evening, you're pleasant company, Link."

"Likewise. Oh, now they are starting with some fancy moves. Wait, he isn't a natural blond, right? I can see his dark hairline." He leaned closer to her where she already chuckled. "Oops. Guess someone didn't have time for the hairdresser before the party and thought no one would notice because he's tall like a horse."

"Goddess, Link, you're hilarious! Do you, uh, mind if I stand closer to you? Just in case he looks over again."

"Not at all." He made room for her between the barstools that were quickly taken over by other guests. "Do you want me to… put my arm around you?"

She nodded, wide-eyed, slowly pressing closer to him. 

"Are you comfortable with my hand on your waist? I promise I won't—"

"Yes," she quickly said. "I trust you. It's fine."

He couldn't help the smile that widened on his lips when they arranged themselves in a hugging position until they were both comfortable. 

"He's looking."

"And?" She put a hand on his shoulder, stroking small motions with her thumb. Link's stomach fluttered — this was escalating quickly and he didn't mind that one bit. 

"He's not amused. Should I wave to him? I kind of wanna see his dumb face."

She squeezed his shoulder calmingly. "Don't. All you'll get is a black eye."

Link grinned and leaned even closer. "Oh, I'm better at fistfights than you'd think."

"Really now?" She breathed into his ear, followed by another chuckle.

"Yeah. You'd be surprised how fast I can run."

The loud music from the dance floor was the only thing to be heard for a moment, but then they both burst out laughing. Zelda curled against his chest, gasping for air between her fits of laughter and he held her tight, unable to resist pressing a feather-light kiss to her hair. She didn't seem to mind. 

"Oh, boy," she said, wiping her eyes. "I don't remember the last time I laughed so hard. Do you want to dance, too? I keep getting elbow hits in my back, I wouldn't mind changing places."

"Sure. I won't do anything stupid."

She turned, taking his hand. Her eyes positively flashed. 

Being closer to them brought back Zelda's tight shoulders, but Link didn't want to trash talk again. They might overhear him and he didn't want to give Zelda the impression that was all he could do. 

He had his hands on safe spots like her shoulders or her waist, twisting her this way and that, but she kept sneaking glances in the direction of the other couple.

"Um, do you really go hunting Koroks sometimes?" Not his best pickup line, but dancing, keeping an eye on her ex, and reading Zelda's body language was a bit too much for his brain to handle. 

The question pulled her out of her thoughts. "Uh, yes? I don't have enough time to make trips but I always look for them on campus or when I'm in a new area."

She was looking at him, good, the distraction was working.

"That's cool. I only made a few trips during summer break. And I found some when I was in Kakariko for a few days for a project."

"Oh?" She twirled into his arms, smiling broadly at him. Yes, definitely working. "Did you find the one that looks like a broccoli? The big one? He's said to be outside of Kakariko."

"Yup." He grinned, matching his movement with hers. 

"Wow! That's a super rare one!"

"We can… go looking together? Sometimes, if you have a free spot in your schedule? It's okay if you don't want to, I just thought since we both…"

"Sure," was all she said, accompanied by a wink and a squeeze of his hands. Oh. Okay, then they had a date. That was easy. 

"He's coming over." Her hands grew twitchy in his. "Could you maybe, if you don't mind, um, I mean, nothing fancy just a quick— ah, kiss?" She squeezed one eye shut.

"Sure," he imitated her answer from earlier, grinning like an idiot. She relaxed into his grip, exhaling nearly audible. 

Link lifted her arms and twirled her so that she was with her back against his chest, their arms folded on her stomach like a pretzel. She rested her head against his neck and his belly tingled in the best way. Not to mention the sweet lemonade on her breath tempted him to lean in… Her eyes fluttered shut in anticipation, her lips parted, and that was all permission he needed. He kissed her, chaste but not shy, sweet but not without courage. 

The deep blushes they had painted on their faces when they parted nearly gave them away, but Link was too deeply lost in her gaze to care. 

She laughed, eyes twinkling, and Goddess, was he drunk from her smile. And a little bit from the kiss, too.

"Zelda." Oh, right. They'd kissed to impress her ex. With a weary sigh, Zelda loosened their embrace. "Mido. Nice to see you."

Haha. Not even the idiot bought her lie. He leaned closer, punching Link's arm. "Who's that? I haven't seen him around."

"I'm Link, Zelda's boyfriend. And you are?" Link pulled Zelda closer again with the arm that was still wrapped around her waist, whispering, "Remember my fistfight strategy?" She nodded hardly remarkably.

"What did you say? I don't like people whispering." Mido scrutinized him. "You know what? I don't like you."

"Ok, Zelda, now!" Link hissed and tugged her hand. Already turning backward, he shouted over the loud music, "I don't like you either!"

The moment in which Mido stood there, baffled, was enough for them to be swallowed by the rest of the people on the dancefloor. With haste, they threaded through the mass, holding hands so that they didn't get separated, forward, forward, until they left the bar behind. Only when they had made it successfully to the check room, they started laughing.

"Oh, wow, that was crazy!" Zelda could hardly take her offered coat from the staff, so strongly did she shake with giggles. 

Link laughed, too, and shrugged into his jacket, but then he rubbed his nape. "Yeah, I hope he doesn't give you trouble. Maybe not my smartest move tonight."

"Don't worry about that. He often acts on impulse but he isn't seriously problematic. Just someone to leave behind."

She smiled at him, offering her hand on the way out. Link's heart drummed a funny rhythm against his ribcage that even the cold winter air couldn't cool down. 

A thin layer of snow dusted the pavement and she stopped abruptly, turning toward the parking lot. "It stopped snowing. Now you missed your chance to find your Korok."

"Don't worry about that. I found something much better." Link smiled and stroked his thumb over their interlaced hands. "Uh, odd question maybe, but are we still faking?"

Zelda laughed, her hand coming up to his face. "I never was, you?"

"No." He grinned and kissed her.

[a-pale-azure-moon]

I've barely scratched the surface of TotK and I can feel my brain wanting to disappear down the Zelda rabbit hole. I am desperately trying to keep at least half of it in my writing brainspace but damn is it hard. There's so much temptation to just plop down with my Switch for the next eight hours and forget about everything else.

Anyway, I'm still very early in but I'll put my ramblings under the cut just in case.

-I know the popular joke was that TotK is just "$70 DLC." Obviously it is not with all of the new content, but it genuinely feels like I'm playing BotW again, only with new tools and new places to discover. And I don't consider that a bad thing! I spent almost 300 hours playing BotW and still wished there was more I could do (aside from hunting down all the Koroks because screw that), so I'm happy to be revisiting this world and exploring it all over again. Though I won't lie that I miss having all the gear and upgrades I had by the end of BotW. I'd forgotten how easy it is to die in stupid ways early on.

-Holy hell is there so much to explore. Maybe too much. Even with the nudges the game gives you, it's really hard to know where to even begin once you leave the Great Sky Island. I haven't even done any of the main dungeons yet; I've just been wandering around looking for shrines and seeing what's changed. It's even more daunting knowing there's stuff in the sky and in the depths to explore as well.

-The Depths freak me out. I've only been in there once and I'm not eager to go back until I'm stronger. Never been a fan of dark places in video games; you never can know what's lurking there, waiting to ambush you.

-It's nice to see all the familiar NPCs. Bumping into Purah and Robbie right away made me smile.

-It's also nice to see that Hyrule's been rebuilding since the end of BotW, but that evidence of the Calamity still exists (Castle Town especially). It makes the world feel that much more organic and real.

-That opening sequence was choice. Like, the approach to Ganon's lair, with the increasing gloom and the ominous music, literally sent shivers down my spine. Good shit.

-Ultrahand is amazing and I've only just begun to really play with its powers.

-To whomever at Nintendo designed the Gloom Spawn/Grabby hands/Nightmare Fuel, I hate you. May all your bacon burn for the rest of your life.

-I miss the Bomb runes SO MUCH.

-What happened to all the Sheikah technology anyway? I totally get dismantling all the Guardians considering they were the scourge of Hyrule for a long time, but did the towers and the Slate just...stop working?

-I'm fascinated by Rauru (and no, it's not just because he has Dimitri's voice, though I won't lie that it makes him that much more appealing, lol). So, we know that's his right arm that Link is "borrowing," and all of Link's new powers specifically come from that arm. And that same arm was keeping Ganon sealed away for....some length of time I'm not aware of yet, but I'm guessing it was awhile. And the new shrines are implied to contain fragments of Rauru's power as well. Just how powerful is this guy? Also, the reveal that he's the first King of Hyrule too (and married to a Hylian woman!) just makes things more interesting.

Also, also, look how adorable he is! I want to pet his ears and brush his hair! But I also want see him go ham at some point because the game sure as hell implies that he's god-like and I'm here for it.

...But it'll probably also make me sad because he's well, dead now and it's likely because sealing Ganon away cost him his life. =(

(I'm still reeling that Rauru's voiced by Chris Hackney, and it's even more wild with Matt Mercer being the voice of Ganon. How is it that the VAs of both of my FE husbands wound up in this game? Thanks for making sure the brainrot never ends, Nintendo!)

[maryellencarter]

so i'm headed to bed, but i have been Pondering. how hard is it to make a wobsite? just a small one. sort of wiki-shaped-ish, but i don't speak wiki code fluently, and i wouldn't be seeking other editors. it would probably be in html because that's my most fluent computer language. on, idk, neocities or somewhere? i never had a geocities. i've only ever had blogs. but sometimes you want to do something that isn't blog shaped.

basically... there are a bunch of gaming websites that *sort* of have walkthroughs and guides for age of calamity, but it's really not documented in the way that i... tend to expect, having only played massive blockbusters with huge communities otherwise.

(mass effect wiki? complete walkthroughs for every sidequest and every collectible. breath of the wild? massive interactable map on zeldadungeon. animal crossing? polygon has you covered. pokemon? it's friggin pokemon, the entire experience revolves around documentation, you can get pokedex tracker apps for your smartphone with exactly the features you want.)

so i'm looking at a level i haven't played yet, and i've got a phone tab open for the upcoming level objectives and one for the chest locations and one for the korok locations, because this games makes up for not having koroks be complicated puzzles by making them much harder to actually see, and the zelda wikis (either zelda.fandom.com or zeldadungeon.net) just don't even have full and consistent age of calamity content, and i started writing out walkthroughs for myself in a fucking *google doc*, and i just want to slowly and carefully build something vaguely wiki shaped where you can click on a walkthrough for a mission called something like Molduga Hunting and not find out that (apparently unironically) the complete contents consist of "Step 1: Defeat the molduga".

(A molduga is the least Dune-shaped sandworm I've ever seen. It doesn't even spit acid or have the blue tongue everybody gives their sandworms. I'm very impressed. It's more like a sand whale really. But it is advisable to have a guide for killing your first one, if you're timid in video games like I am.)

would it be easier to learn wiki code language i don't even know what that one's called except now i'm going to find out it's called wikilang or something

[actualaster]

Plot spoilers, major ones

Heh, not everyday you get to meet your ancestors. I get Zelda's worry, but she got sent back in time--she could take decades to figure out hownto go back and arrive not long after she left in theory. With time travel you have more options than just urgency

Oh. Oh rehydrate Ganondorf is a BEEFCAKE. Also LOVE Rauru's fangs, so much.

Hm. So Rauru took a "keep your enemies close to watch them" approach with Ganondorf, but it failed...

LMAOOOOO okay i know like. It's separation of gameplay and story. But hearing Zelda talk about how good a person Link is while knowing full well what kind of Korok torture devices players concoct as Link is really funny XD

Also I suppose Hylian ears shrank over time? Or did Queen Sonia just have... Very large ones

...Ah. So was I was on the right track, with Rauru ultimately giving up his "self" in a sense in order to become a dragon? I suppose those other three dragons are the source of the tales, then? Their faces are Zonai-esque and such. I wonder, though.... His sister, able to separate her spirit and body... Was that somehow used on another? The way that Rauru's spirit was able to connect with Link? (Also LOVE Mineru's ears SO MUCH, she is so cute)

Wait no... ZELDA becomes a dragon, then? Hm, does that dragon look different than the others?

Well, hunting it down, yeah, lol, that'll be Zelda. Face looks more Hylian than the other dragons. There's gotta have been a better plan though lol. That was. A Choice.

Also should I pull the sword out now or not... Well, while I'm up here might as well I guess? But first I wanna farm some dragon parts XD

Gotta admit though now I wanna see Rito, Gordon, and Gerudo dragons XD

Hmmm, okay, rest of the Tear memories tomorrow i think...

[tendercoretroglodyke]

since I have spent. a truly upsetting number of hours playing botw and have done p much everything there is to do (besides find all 900 korok seeds and break-the-game speedrun strats & glitches which I can't get the hang of), I'm now attempting a no-fast-travel run and it's honestly really changing how I play the game

like obviously it's much more tedious and if I hadn't already played it to death I think I'd be getting more frustrated taking the time to ride halfway across the map and back all the time, but. since I beat the game that's kinda what I was doing anyway. just exploring

but without fast travel I'm needing to be soooo much more strategic about the order in which I do things and when I complete quests. like first of all (unless it's a major test of strength, which I don't have the hearts/power for yet), if I see a shrine or it pops up on my sensor, I'm immediately going there and completing the shrine, bc who knows when I'm gonna be back there?? I'm also just grouping things together--like rn I'm back in hateno village to upgrade my runes after collecting all the ancient parts I needed, and while I'm here I'll also transfer my stamina into hearts so I have enough to pull the master sword in the lost woods (my next big objective), and I'll also hunt around for some rare ore and stuff to sell so I can save up for the house here (just for funsies). then I have to pick whether to tackle the big bird or the big lizard next.

my last big objective was traveling around to get the ancient horse gear so I could call my horses to me whenever (invaluable when you can't fast travel), and while doing that I stopped by upland lindor to get the best horses. before that, I spent a while in zoras domain doing all the tasks there and beating vah ruta. and I still haven't been to the volcano or desert or unlocked those parts of the map. also, one of the first things I did was go to castle to get some cool gear and dip back out. I am NOT playing this game as intended!!! having fun with it tho!

[zeldaelmo]

For the wip game, I'm curious about the Korok Hunting/Fake Dating/Pokemon GO fic. Those seem like they'd be a fun combination 😁

Good, good, very good! I just chatted with @aquaticpal about this, so I can just copy-paste what I wrote her. 😆

I haven't started that one yet, but I'm excited about it because I love the fake dating trope a little too much.

The plan is that Link meets a shivering Zelda outside while he's casually looking for Pokemon Koroks with his phone. She pretends to do the same but it quickly turns out that she is hiding from her ex at a party.

Link, always the charming helper, offers to be her fake boyfriend, because that's what any sane person would do, right???

There's some cheesy dialogue like this:

Zelda sighed, pulling her thin cardigan closer. "I know I shouldn't care and I don't. Well, I try not to, but you should see the woman he brought, she's tall and sexy and everything I'm not. She's— she's the most beautiful woman at the whole party and he knows that and—"

"Shh." Link put his finger on his lips and arranged his scarf around her shoulders. It looked skimpy there and did nothing to warm her, but it was about the vibe. "He's wrong. The most beautiful woman of the party is standing right here next to me, clattering her perfect rows of teeth."

They go back and to pretend they are dating, but in truth, they just fall in love here and there. Link distracts her while they are dancing with stories about the Koroks he's been hunting and she tells how many she has found already etc.

How does the evening end for them? Well... You just have to wait until December to learn about that! ❤

[thegeminisage]

back at it in KAKARIKO!! finally...they better let me climb these damn ruins ive been waiting to do it for 165 hours

FINALLYYYYYYYY

god and these poor kids can visit their moms grave again...

MINERU, SAGE OF!!!!! oh man i knew it i KNEW it. i love to be right

man calip is such a fucking loser. he's been blocking people this whole time & now he's mad about getting upstaged by a woman. get a life dude

WOW and hes making tauro say "fantastic" again. dude, COME ON!!!

ok wait i changed my mind. before i go to faron i wanna go back to the castle. i know my tunic and shield are both there!! i doubt i'll wear the tunic much bc i got my oot gear but i NEED my hylian shield. ive been using a zonaite shield the entire game!!!

man the music here is still SO intense

i remember zelda's diary said the tunic was in the throne room behind the throne but i dont see any way of moving it...

okay i looked it up. torches!!! and i GOT IT!!!!! wah......

now the shield...NO idea where this is, i'm gonna have to look it up fr

oh.

you have to go thru hands :|

well. how badly do i want it...

wtf this korok had extra dialogue???

"id heard korok forest was allw eird there for awhile but now its back" what the hell?? the other koroks just say ya ha ha......

korok hunting is so stressful here btw. why would anyone put so many seeds here. evil evil evil

OH my god okay i found a video that shows you a way to go around the hands. WHEW. thank you internet. im gonna try it!!!

oh i do Not like it in here. i thot about getting all my korok seeds rn but it is like 1am. no fucjing way. this whole goddamn place is cursed

GOT IT!!!!!! i am getting the FUCK outta here. i can't believe i could have done that the whole time lol

apparently it's 3k to rebuy it if it breaks but...i got the cash.

also tbh. im gonna keep wearing my oot armor bc i was gonna anyway but also bc i think the tunic looks nicer in botw. shoulder guard bad. i mean its more practical but less stylish

lol i went to the tower next to the zonai ruins and calip is there like waaah tauro had to go on ahead wahhhh im slow

suck it up!!!

man i remember being SO put out there wasnt anything here. but i guess there is!

quick stop to deliver this mf claw...

2 down, 1 to go. i have dinraal's claw but idw go back to the power spring bc theres hands near it lol

YOOOOO charged SHIRT

omg lol this is so skimpy and girly. love it <3

this outfit is SIIIICK i LOVE dragon armor!!!!!

DAMN OK....................THAT WAS SICK AS HELL

the storm is gone above the dragon islands!!!!! which is a shame almost bc this armor would have made me so deadly up there lol

man i think calip just has a fucking crush on this dude. problematic gay rep happy pride

ah, too bad i never was able to get a fast travel point up there...

i can fly over from the great plateau though. goddammit. great SKY ISLANDS

ooh, i still see some flashing...maybe an opportunity to use this new armor after all

there are storms! and the music is so cool...

right where i landed before...i know bc i DID get this gacha machine. and i remember this trio of like likes lol. very hard to do with zero visibility

ah man there's so much to see here!! but it's getting late so i have to pause for now :(

[thegeminisage]

last night when i stopped playing i aimed myself at a stable and jumped into the tower so i had no choice but to fly there upon opening the game today, even though i was going to fuck around and do something else lol. at least stables make me remember my amiibo...

omg its the infamous underpants stable...finally i get to see what it's all about. i should run around in mine too. solidarity

PRINCESS ZELDA ORDERED THEM TO--????

OKAY GIRL GET IT IG LOL

lmao when i talked to penn with no clothes on he was like. are you gonna investigate undercover??

SCREEEAM this guy is like oh you're dressed in our new uniform

aw. beedle goes "we meet again and again - i wonder how many times we met in our past lives!"

the girl with the dogs who straight up won't look at or speak to any naked men, including me. lesbian queen

alright, up the mountain road i go...totally naked

killing me to ignore these koroks but they're all just too far out of the way :/

oh i found it! lmao they really do think i'm one of them

ik this is like. fake zelda. im hoping its yiga zelda tho bc this is simply too silly. it reeks of yiga shenanigans. real fake zelda was a bit uncanny

ah, i'm required to go gearless for this...smh this eventide bullshit

"we'll learn from your methods, we're just not confident in the physical side of this" THIS GAME IS RATED E FOR EVERYONE

wow. i just BARELY made it. whew!!

omg they MISHEARD HER?? it's not even a yiga thing?? man come on this truly is the urban legend of zelda

rip they put their clothes back on. it wouldve been funny if they got so inspired they stayed naked forever lol

i guess i'll put my clothes back on, too...

froze in terror like a prey animal when i saw this block puzzle but i did actually get it this time.

standing under a talus's crotch trying to ascend up thru its body when i caught sight of zelda and my throat got a little tight. life truly is so textured

lol these treasure hunting bros are here. thank you for telling me exactly how to solve the puzzle! what is this skyward sword (sorry skyward sword)

most of my complaints re: tears of the kingdom center on botw exhaustion - that i'm sort of tired of the map and have no more joy of exploration anymore after 100%ing such an enormous game (almost twice - on the first file i did everything except the korok seeds, but i got enough to max out my inventory i think). but every once in awhile i will come across an area that looks totally and completely innocuous and get incredibly tense out of nowhere. and sure enough in a minute i will remember, "a guardian used to be here," or "a lynel used to be here." it takes a minute, but i do remember! and even knowing they aren't here anymore, it's a little hard to relax. if i were ever to play botw again*, i bet i would feel the same way about areas that have hands now lol. (*highly unlikely given the previously mentioned botw exhaustion - maybe in many years after some other zeldas have come out for me to chew on! i highly doubt i'm going to replay totk either. as much as i love it, this is It. inevitably though there will be dlc so this runthrough won't be my only time playing it Ever)

ANYWAY i have to take a break now to do stuff and idw this post to be really long again. so.

[thegeminisage]

squeezing in a little korok hunting before i have to Do Stuff just kidding as soon as i finished typing that i had to get up. but NOW im back to hunting koroks

every day my map opens with everything on as default and i just caught sight of two more gloom spawn points and became Afraid. under one hand it kind of takes the fun out of it if i know Where they are under the other i become extremely terrified of even going NEAR where they are. so.

i did go ahead an enable lynels though because you have to be prepared for that shit and i was very surprised to see there are still quite a few on the surface! incheresting...

absolutely disgusted with my past self for doing SO many shrines without getting the chest. what was she thinking!!! girl you never leave the chest! and since i don't have any fans (i have 2 left but theyre for emergencies only), i can't go in and get them without losing my bike and having to spend zonaite to make a new one...after i finish this section, im tracking some fans down for sure. and THEN im gonna expand my energy wells

aw man the spring of power...i'll never forget the memory from here!!!! i can't go into the quarry tho bc Hands >:(

YOOOOOO this statue also wants to know about the mother statue........

oh shit she wants dinraal's claw........also, canonical dinraal she pronouns. hell yeah

oh um. just kidding! i totally do have to go into the quarry! my bike probably wouldn't be able to get out this tiny hole...

this (dragging the bike everywhere) wouldnt be an issue if i just had more FANS. i have like thirty steering sticks. why am i so short on fans!!

i am Extremely Close to the spawn point adn i am Very scared.

oh you know what i shouldve left a fast travel point at the spring of power...augh, but then i wouldn't have enough to do the other springs and still keep one at the temple of time...nevermind, i guess...

wisdom and courage both have one REALLY close by though...well, whatever. i only need to come back once, probably, and if it gives me more to do i'll lay one then. i don't want to go back near the quarry lol

i REALLY miss urbosa's fury. i don't know how to take out taluses that have a weak point on their back without it. this talus is super weak and yet it's taking forever bc i just can't hand a hit on it!

eventually got it with midiar bullet time bomb arrows. apparently this particular talus was a quest objective!

apparently the lynel in this forest is a normal one...maybe i'll try to fight it

oooh i'm v nervous. snapped a pic and saved just in case

GOT HIM!!!!! easy peasy. i'd hoped i was op for this and i am <3 nice to be op for SOMETHING

lost my bike ;_; i knew it would despawn...i mean i can make another but i'm trying to save my zonaite for batteries!!!

this one precise strike shrine is bullshit. i'm gonna have to get this particular chest later this is making me crazy

oooh using the bike to skip the long walk on the big sand spiral....n*ce

263 seeds!! not bad for just an hour or so

[thegeminisage]

it's officially zelda time! i forgot my amiibo yesterday so that's what i gotta do first

i think i need to do more fighting bc i have an ABUNDANCE of weapons and i can't take any out of these chests lol

NOOOOOO AND I JUST GOT SWORD OF THE HERO........................rip :(

AND the dusk claymore...no.......i don't even have room in my HOUSE for this many weapons

i just gotta travel back to my house to do the rest. h8 to leave when i just got here but this is ridiculous lol

sorry boulder breaker. move over for zelda's kickass tp sword

TWILIGHT TROUSERS!!! hell yeah

ok, back to where i was before i get tempted to do something else lol. one of these days i'm gonna build a cooler house...i saw some on youtube that blew my mind...i was blind to the potential because i was too busy focusing on limitations...which are still fucking stupid btw

aw, i found a note on a table about mr whats his name worrying about finley in the sludge. see now if i had explored this properly the first time...

in absolute hysterics trying to get this korok up a cliff without shelling out for a bike. i stuck him to a log and he rolled over and over and over. i wish i had taken a video

oh my god blood moon guy BACK IN THIS CAVE LOL i already rescued him from here once. pfffft

oh shit he just warned me tonight would be the blood moon...the worst fucking time right as i get into this complex cave system :/ ty for the heads up at least...

thank god, the flux heart went away when the MS ran out of power lol

lol this chef's diary in the wells. "i tried to eat something beyond our understanding" girl so true. i hope we actually get to meet her somehow

yoooo zonai ruins where vah ruta used to be..................miss you, girl

damn there's like a whole cavern down here. i wonder why they didn't put anything in it

OH there's a chest when you ascend...clever!!

holy shit the sidon straightwashing and sisterwife shenanigans continue lol. i found a little zora monument where he talks about seeing yona as his big sister, older and way more mature than him, until his "feelings became more difficult to quantify," and then his dad just informed him they were getting hitched. like. dude. are you ok??? HE LITERALLY MARRIED HIS SISTER, who is a stand-in for his mother!!!! like does he even LIKE girls?????

goddammit i lost my bike looking around in this fucking cave WHY DOES ITALWAYS DESPAWN...

aww here's another story of the first few years after mipha's death...geez, poor sidon

a little disappointed i missed all this when i was here before...and even these are only 2 tablets out of like. 10? i think? man.

and i have such fond memories of running around here in botw struggling so much and not knowing what the HELL i was doing or what was going on lol. sidon my first true guide outside of the plateau cheering me on the whole way! nostalgia.

NOOOOOO im reading another and man zelda begging forgiveness for mipha's death...wah

"she held that unthinkable disaster at bay for 100 years with nothing more than the sheer force of her will" THATS MY GIIIRRRRLLLL

wah sidon admired her inner strength.......

AWWW sidon has a new quest for me!! yay i love surprises

aw well it's just a treasure hunt. but still

dropped this fucking bike all the way from the top of the zoras domain fish statue and its still in one piece. hell yeah

omg one of these zoras is a crab freak...he's lucky i had enough with me, i use these things for cooking all the time

holy shit there's a CHASM uin this hidden cave...i saw it on the map and wondered why it wasn't there. it's so freaky how none of the water flows into it

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO VAH RUTA HELM

hell YES

i havent even touched this part of the map in the depths yet...i am unfortunately compelled to go down the chasm :/ maybe it will be fine and i will find so much zonaite! idk, i really liked it at the beginning of the game when i was actually too underleveled to be there, but now it just all feels the same. very blegh

immediately i spot a mine, a lightroot, and like a bunch of those huge poes. i even found a few crystalized charges just lying around!!

brightbloom seeds on water are so pretty.........

anyway life hack use a lynel bow for 3x the light lol

god damn it there is ANOTHER mud octorok thingy voer there i do not want to i do not WANT to

jesus christ that was so fucking annoying. i HATE that one

YOOOOOO 100 crystalized charges...ok maybe worth it

i used to ignore these little stations with zonai parts...now i'm thrilled this one is stocked with bike material lol

DAMN WAIT OK.......my master sword is WAY more powerful down here!! shes glowing!!! this is the first time ive fought with it in the depths...thats wonderful!!!!!!

i read somewhere that you need like 4500 zonaite or something to max your battery out...which is bad...but i did just get like 100 in this one camp. so, 45 monster camps...still bad but like, not undoable

three monster camps done. i see a fourth one but my fucking bike despawned and i am officially sick of being down here. i'm out!!

hateno detour to turn in all this fabric i got.

dammit i went out and got monster curry for this fucking sidequest here and now idon't have GORON SPICE? gimme a fucking break i'm fast traveling right now to go get it who knows when i'll be back this is ridiculous

bought their fucking stock out. BACK to hateno...

i can use...the school's field...?

FARMING SIM?????????????????????

well lol i have nothing useful to add to the field and the npc does all the work, but still cool!! this game rly does have everything

the problem w my battery is, idk where any of those little shops are. i got one under the great plateau, one on the great sky islands, and that's it. are they just in abandoned mines??

great sky islands to buy Even More crystalized charges. stopping to get some fans. maybe i'll put my third medallion here since i need them so often...but there's a shrine closeby, so maybe not

got one and TWO THIRDS of a battery!!! not bad for just one little trip underground (tho i didn't get it all from there lol)

god this will make biking so much better.........

back to zoras domain. i have it on good authority (i saw it on my map by accident) that my climbing gear is here and i am LIVID that i've been living without it all this time bc i didn't fucking explore properly. i know there's some in this cave let's FUCKING go

ok, i didn't find it. apparently in a different cave, the whole zora area is lousy w them

unfortunately tho i gotta go to bed so that's a problem for future me!!