my ideal timkon don't get together until they've both already done some queer realizations and dated other guys a little bit, in part because on tim's end, i think he's been in love with kon since he was 17, but at 17 tim didn't even know he was bisexual, forget anything else. and his feelings for kon were so big but also so constant that he didn't even realize they were there or significant because they've always been there and been huge. for years. so he putters along and does his time in the torment nexus (the closet) and languishes a bit but slowly starts to figure it out.
meanwhile kon dates someone, mostly like omg im dating a guy this is ALLOWED !??!?! and its pretty lowkey and casual and doesnt last bc like . super identity issues, right. kon would Never just tell someone, but secrets and casual relationships dont last long etc etc. but just the entire principle of kon dating someone and then being like yeah idk im not really feeling it like hes nice and all but i think hes more interested in like… yknow, my hot bod, than me. its whatever tho. and tim just being SOOOOO mad that someone would date kon and not absolutely adore him. tim will not be unpacking why hes so mad about kon having a shitty boyfriend. obviously its just bc kons his bestie and deserves better. (😶)
so he's just grouchily tinkering on some upgrade for his car to get the grumpy energies out. like WHATEVER! (angrily turns socket wrench) he's not saying kon should dump the guy or anything (angrily turns socket wrench) but he's just SAYING, kon can do BETTER!!!!! (angrily turns socket wrench) and kon DESERVES better!!! kon deserves someone who will treat him RIGHT!!!!! (angrily turns socket wrench) like if TIM was gonna fuck kon he wouldn't do it like a goddamn quickie and just fucking leave (angrily grabs the next size socket and scoots further under the car) like kon OBVIOUSLY doesn't like that so why won't this guy GET THAT!!!! (angry tinkering noises) if he's that shallow he can go find himself a sexy body pillow to screw!!! leave kon alone!!!!
and cassie sitting on a chair nearby is just like. sorry what was that? "if i was gonna fuck kon"? did you just say--hey tim? hey. can you go back a step?
and tim's just. obviously this is a hypothetical everyone considers about kon. look at him he's . you know. besides, tim's just talking as his best friend who wants the best for him! ugh stop trying to read into it cassie, that's not the POINT--
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Art to commemorate me restarting Dr. JSA's NV playthrough 🎉
Using him as courier rather than NPC always feels odd. He canNOT believe he's gotten discharged so quickly, or experienced any complications despite lacking immediate care. He can't tell if he has elevated paranoia from PTSD, brain damage induced psychosis, or is entirely reasonable in his numerous fears related to medical complications.
He's expecting to experience a hematoma related stroke at any moment, and thus both checking himself in reflective surfaces while pocketing anticoags any time he sees them. Goodsprings settlers can see him pausing regularly doing little self set tests trying to gage if he's about to die or not.
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Projecting onto soap again because it's been a while I've decided it's time... love ya, shampoo :)
Everyone looks at soap and slaps a label on him. He's arrogant l. He's air-headed. He's an idiot. He's horrible at following orders. He's stupid. He's here out of sheer luck. He's a loudmouth.
And he doesn't do anything to fight them. Just lets them think what they want, maybe even leans into it a bit.
Could he prove all of those statements wrong? Sure, easily. But it's not worth it. Not to him. Plus it's so much easier to flaunt displaced disappointed than it is to hide the real thing.
And maybe he kinda likes it. Like it's his own little secret that nobody knows about. If everyone wants to think a load of gobshite about him then fine, who is he to say otherwise, right? If they want to talk or laugh about him behind his back, then who is he to stop them? If it ruins his reputation, well, it doesn't matter because he's still where he is, right?
Maybe ghost notices. Slowly but surely. At first he thinks all the same things that everyone else does. Mactavish is loud, arrogant, doesn't know when to shut up, oblivious, irritating.
But the longer he observes soap, the more he sees. That sometimes when he smiles it doesn't quite reach where it should. How sometimes the beams of light that seems to project off the man, serves to shadow his eyes. How when he talks it all just that. Nothing of importance, just to fill the silence. Always the worst after a harsh mission with too many greenies. At first he thinks it's because soap needs it, then he sees the dead look in his eyes and he knows that all he wants to do is shut up. It dawns on him that it's for the greenies.
He realizes that soap isn't arrogant, just that there's always that one person that nobody wants to be. There's always that one that grabs attention, that distracts. It's all an act to soap.
Sure soap is irritating, but ghost sees soap do it on purpose. When tensions are high, and all anyone wants to doo it yell or hist someone to pet it out. He's seen soap do it plenty of times. Hell, he's had soap walk up to him, and spark a fight on the mats.
He sees in the dead of night how soap stays up scribbling furiously in his journal, watched him tear pages out. Watched him be anything but what everyone sees him as.
He wonders why. Why offer yourself up to the world as something so unlikable, when there was someone else underneath?
Ghost has noticed. Those are almost the exact words he thinks to himself when the brit walks into the rec room at ass crack o'clock in the morning. Ghost has noticed. But he won't say anything... he thinks thought.
"Why do you do it?"
Play dumb. Play dumb, Mactavish. "Do what?" Wooow so smooth.
"You know what."
"Why not."
"People might like you more."
"They should like what I show them. I'm not exactly hiding."
"Why do you do it?" Ghost asks again. Soap doesn't know what he's getting at here, why does he want to know?
"Because it's easy." It's the truth... depending on perspective.
"That's not why. And it isn't easy." Ghost shakes his head. Ghost knows. It cycles through his mind.
"It is. It's easy for me." He means that. Just maybe not in the way ghost takes it. It's easy enough to ignore the talking and whispers, and the looks. It's easy enough to 'yes and' the rumors. But that's not what he means. He means it's easier to accept the disappointment when he knows it's what people already expect of him. It not so easy to let everyone down because they put him on a pedestal. It's easy to ignore false accusations, when he know that it doesn't say anything about who he actually is. It's not so easy to have someone see you for who you are and say you're not enough, or that they don't like you. So, yea, it's just easier.
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