#i'm not as good as drawing traditionally with my left hand

[smile-files]

it turns out i can draw (digitally) with my left hand!!!

[murdrdocs]

plsss do fem!reader getting a call from ethan!ghostface 😩 could be smutty or maybe 16+!! also ur writing is so good wtf

ahhh thank you so so much i'm glad u enjoy it! i rlly liked this request :)) this is SUGGESTIVE 16+ but not smut

Sometimes, truly, if you sit in silence for long enough, you start to consider that maybe you aren’t the best person, morals wise. 

You have your good qualities: helping old ladies cross the street, dog sitting for your friends, helping out sick relatives, doing good deeds without having to be told so. 

But the one bad trait, the one you were currently indulging in, seemed to outweigh everything that was good about you. 

Allowing some sick joke between you and your boyfriend to continue. 

As soon as Ethan switched from his usual, saccharine sweet voice, to the raspy, demanding tone of Ghostface, you should’ve told him to knock it off. Seriously. Not with that light, airy tone in your voice that showed how easily persuaded you are. 

But you couldn’t help but let him convince you to continue. Plus, you could’ve pretended that you hated it. Instead…

“Isn’t your line supposed to be: ‘What’s your favorite scary movie’?” 

Ethan, or Ghostface, chuckled. 

“See, you know the rules, sweetheart. Now, what’s your favorite scary movie?” 

You took a second to think, fiddling with the half completed puzzle that you and your roommates have been working on at the coffee table for two weeks now. 

“Probably Get Out. Does that count?” 

“Is that the one by that comedian, Jordan Peele?” 

“Yeah. It’s not really that scary, which is why I like it, but the plot and storyline is horrifying enough.” 

Ghostface hums and you decide to take a leap. 

“My boyfriend likes those traditionally scary movies, with the jumpscares and excessive gore.” 

He takes the bait. “Boyfriend? You didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend.” 

“You didn’t ask.”

You take a seat on the couch, your eyes glancing over the window. Briefly, you considered drawing the curtains, but then Ghostface continued to speak. 

“Hm, maybe I should’ve. Does he treat a pretty girl like you right?” 

“Yeah, yeah, he does.” A beat. “How do you know I’m pretty?” 

“Because I’m looking at you, sweetheart.” 

Your breath hitched. You should have known as much, but just considering the possibility is one thing, having it confirmed is another. 

Attempting to play it cool, you stand to your feet and approach the window. “Really? Because I’m calling bullshit.” 

You pressed your face to the glass and used the hand that didn’t hold your phone to your ear to shield your view from the light inside of your apartment. You scanned the streets below, the windows across from yours, and anything else your eyes could reach, but you couldn’t see anything. It was late, there wasn’t much activity in your complex, and the streetlight that previously illuminated your section of the complex was still out. 

Ghostface chuckled condescendingly. “There’s no point in looking. You won’t find me.” 

Stepping away from the window, you surveyed the apartment. Nothing there, save for the organized mess left by yourself and your roommates. 

“But you can trust my word. I see how delicious you look in that little number. That tight shirt, those tiny shorts. Looking like a whore, begging to be fucked,” he spat the last bit as if the words were venomous. "maybe gutted," he toyed with the idea, “your boyfriend know you walk around like that?” 

Your eyes met the cameras in your apartment, the ones that your roommates decided were needed in this big city. You’d never been more thankful to have them. 

“He does,” you took a seat on the couch again, propping your feet up onto the coffee table and positioning yourself to where you could be seen by the camera. Your legs crossed, and you ran a hand along your thigh. “And he loves it. If he could see me right now I bet he would be cumming in his pants.” 

There was a hitch in his voice, barely noticeable, but there. 

You took his hesitation to spread your legs and trail a hand down to the waistband of your shorts. Your eyes flitted up to the camera, you smiled softly, lifted your hand in a wave, then stuck it into your shorts. 

“You said you’re watching me, right, Ghostface?”

[nei-ning]

Gonna rant a bit. I saw one set of beautiful anthro arts on another website. Sadly they were done in AI. I did left a comment, complimenting how beautiful these arts were but how sad it made me that they were AI arts.

The artist themselves was kind and polite, telling they use AI because they want to learn and be able to make game arts one day (but they too, apparently, with AI so...)

But then there was another user, AI "artist" too who replied to me that there's absolutely NO ARTIST who can draw anthros with detailed fur, goat like arm, lights, colors etc without editing or photoshopping. On the whole planet, absolutely none! This person clearly don't believe in people's skills when it comes on arts. Heck, I followed one artist on DA who drew ALL her arts traditionally and she drew, and still does, SUPER DETAILED FURRY ANTHROS! No photoshop, editing, nothing digital. Just her hands, paper and a set of color pencils.

Also, if people's art skills wouldn't had been amazing back in the days through mankind, we wouldn't have cave paintings, old amazing paintings or sculptures, ALL DONE BY HANDS IN TRADITIONAL WAY. NO AI, NO PHOTOSHOP OR EDITING.

Humans can learn amazing skills if they only want to. AI artists, maybe not all, just wants to take the easiest way / be lazy (and get lots of likes - like that other person who straight forward said it. That he uses AI to create furry arts to get hundreds of likes).

They also mocked my style / arts, saying they are not good enough to be used in AI arts - yet.

Like what the actual fuck?! I am pissed! I don't even want my arts to be used in AI arts by some lazy idiot (or at all). At least I draw EVERYTHING in my arts, from first sketch line to the last shade / light. Surely my skills are not as good as they could be. After all I'm self-taught, not gone in art school like some have. Not to mention I draw for fun, I draw to bring joy to my watchers, I draw therapy arts to myself, I like to keep my style easy and simple. My arts are a hobby, not professional thing or to fish a lot of likes. If my arts can make someone's day a bit better, then I've done my job! I never haven't taken my arts or skills too seriously, trying to improve them to the top.

Is there times when I wish I would put more effort to my arts, learn and study more, becoming better? Absolutely! But do I bother? Not really. Like I said, this is a hobby. I know I would burnout myself if I would start to force and pressure myself to do better, to learn more, to improve my skills. I mean I struggle to draw even now!

I do have some saved tutorials on Pinterest what I would like to try, yes, but still not in a way like if I would have a fire under my ass.

[spaceyflowerswriting]

May I request Jake’s reaction to finding his partner’s (reader) drawings of him 🥺 And the reader is a shy artist and tries to hide her drawings of Jake, thank you and I love your writing as well as your art ❤️❤️❤️

jake kim x shy artist reader

details: general canon au, gender neutral reader who draws traditionally, reader and jake have been dating for a while already

a/n: thank u for requesting!! and for saying u love my stuff omg 🥺🥺💖💖

there was no specification of headcanons or oneshots but i decided to do headcanons simply because of how things just turned out ^_^

×

> the day jake found out you were an artist, he was very excited !!

> he's never exactly had a talent in the creative department, but he is an enjoyer of the arts nonetheless

> he knows you're a quiet person who keeps to themself, so he wasn't surprised when that shyness extended to your drawings

> still occasionally asks to see what you sketch, and respects your choice if you refuse. if you do show him, he's delighted and gives you the best compliments!

> some days you seem a bit more sensitive about hiding your drawings, but he never pushes you about it. (said drawings are drawings of him <3)

> nonetheless he admires you from a distance instead, so you don't feel like he's peering over your shoulder to peek at your drawings

> has definitely caught you glancing/staring at him a few times. entertained the idea that you were drawing him those times, though never took it seriously because surely you had better things to draw, right...?

> while in the comfort of your room one day, you had your sketchbook laying out and didn't expect anyone to come around so you left it as is before leaving your room to find a new eraser to replace your old one

> little did you know jake would come peering in a moment later, intending to ask you for help on something. when he sees your sketchbook open, his heart skips a beat

> "just a peek... no, no, i'm a man of honor, i keep my word. i told them i would never look without their permission. but this is a once-in-a-lifetime chance..."

> guilt-riddled, he decided to take a look. the feeling washed away as soon as he saw your drawings, though. immediately he was lost in your sketches, but was mainly taken aback to see himself scattered across the page.

> your style unqiuely depicted him in a way he had never thought of himself before. a small but warm smile grew on his lips as he admired the details of each of your sketches, eyeing each pencil stroke

> "so this is how you view me, huh," he thought, full of adoration

> still lost within your art, he wanted to see more, but right as he put a hand on the corner of your sketchbook to flip the page, you came back and caught him

> you're panicked, of course, and rush over to grab your sketchbook, tightly clutching it over your chest while jake fumbles for the right words to explain himself

> genuinely, he had no excuse, so he just apologized and hoped he didn't ruin anything between you two

> also mentions his appreciation for your art, and tells you he doesn't mind if you draw him. in fact, if you want to use him as a model for anything, just ask. he'll sit still for hours if it means allowing you to express yourself creatively (also because you staring at him and studying his features makes his ego feel good lol)

> how quickly you guys make up after that is up to you! either way jake's giving you a peck on the cheek and apologizing once more, telling you he won't look when you're not around ever again but he hopes you're still willing to show him your drawings occasionally like before <3

[buzzkillzine]

28/8/22

I had the realisation recently that I'm an old man. Not age wise. I'm comparatively young. And not in the sense of some skeezy guy who slides up to you in a bar wearing a fedora and says 'I'm an old soul' because I listen to jazz.

I'm old because I feel like I'm falling apart and having all the sorts of problems than an old man has but I'm in my early 30s.

I've never worried about getting older, age is just a number. It gets bigger as you get older. It happens to everyone. I would be worried if the number got smaller and was a countdown to death instead. There would be an ominous feeling behind that.

But I never really considered the health and lifestyle implications of being old.

All my health problems have been traditionally old man problems.

I've had shingles, carpal tunnel, a heart condition, kidney stones and sometimes I just straight up pass out while peeing.

I've never had any 'cool' health conditions or injuries. Even my childhood ones were never cool. I had friends who had cool stories about their injuries. Like they got into a fight, or fell of a motorbike, broke their arm doing a flip off something etc. All my scars have dogshit stories to accompany them.

I have a weird scar on my left hand that I got because I tripped over while trying to skip with a skipping rope in year 9. I have a scar on my shin cos one summer I was outside standing on a chair with the sprinkler going underneath it and fell off and banged my leg.

Just once I wanted a story of fighting a shark to rescue a damsel in distress and getting a cool and mysterious facial scar that made me look hot but instead I just wound up with a lot of gravel rash cos I was clumsy.

I never had a broken bone that required a cast, which is the top tier of childhood injuries. You get the cool story, you get a cool cast and you get everyone to draw on your cast! That's like tattoos in Primary School!

The only bone I ever broke was my kneecap when I stepped on the back of someone's shoe and then fell over on the grass.

I did get a big scar on my knee from that where a year later it hadn't healed and I had to have the broken bit taken out.

Maybe it was a combination of being overly accident prone as a kid and being someone who doesn't really look after themselves but not in my early 30s I'm an old decrepit man who is falling apart.

Things could obviously be way worse and I am very grateful of the health I do have, but I guess I just want better stories to go with it.

Maybe if I make it to 80 I'll take up wrestling bears in my free time. I'm sure that'll give me a good story. Or at the very least a cool scar.

Even my hobbies are old man hobbies. I collect typewriters, I like birdwatching, gardening, complaining about things and sitting down. I envy an old man's ability to just sit and be.

Imagine just existing for a while, without having to do anything unless you wanted to? That's the dream.

One day I'll be an old man. A proper one. And if not at least I will have experienced the hobbies and ill health of an old man.

That's pretty close.

Speaking of birdwatching we've had two birds make themselves at home at my place this week. A Crimson Rosella and a Galah.

Fucken top stuff.

[rockandroobuckaroll]

Shane has such a cartoony face he's perfect to practice with.

[pillow-boi]

Hi! I'd like to know what are some of your tips for artists?

I just went through your blog, admiring not only your art itself, but also an astonishing amount of progress and growth. It was really inspiring to see, especially since I tend to get stuck & notice no progress in my own work.

Thanks!

Hello and thank you for your kind message!!

I'm glad I left all my old drawings hahaha.

What happened was that in 2016, when I created this blog, I decided to draw more "seriously". I started drawing using models, pictures or whatever was around me. My biggest progress happened when I got comments and observation by an art professional. By pointing out my mistakes in each one of my drawings, I started seeing what should be done a looooot better. Having someone you can trust commenting your work can be very eye-opening. In a few years, with only the few comments I got from them that one time, I went from pic 1 to pic 2.

At this point, both your hand and your eyes start getting used to observing and drawing. Whenever I'm stuck or "can't draw", I always go back to drawing models, flowers or fruits.

My second biggest progress happened when I tried to master digital drawing, which has the bonus hurdle of having to understand the software. For that, I observed art from different artists, the technique they used, and what fit my drawing style the best.

Funnily enough, I think having a fandom, an obsession on a character or an OC you love is one of the biggest motivation hahaha. Also, by drawing the same character several times, you can see your evolution even better.

Another tip is to try out different techniques/go out of your confort zone, both digitally and traditionally, because by expanding your overall art knowledge, even if you're bad at certain techniques (I'm bad at painting, for example), it makes you more flexible and better at what you're already good at.

Experiment and have fun!

And the final tip I can give is that sometimes, you have to spend a looooot of time on a single detail to have illuminations that will help you forever in your art. For exemple, spending 4 hours drawing one (1) apple can revolutionise your art.

Sorry for the long post! I feel like my answer is a bit cliché but I hope it helps ~

[maxwell-grant]

Having asked your thoughts on designing Frankenstein's daemon, might I now ask your thoughts on bringing Count Dracula from the written word into illustration? (I'm definitely in favour of the 'Hairy Old Mountain Man of Horror pretending he's people' look from the original novel; one of the small tests too many Draculas fail to pass is an absolutely tragic lack of the Evil Beard and/or Wicked Moustache explicitly described by Mr Stoker).

Unlike with Frankenstein, where I think the design needs to be painstakingly thought out in order to achieve the best balance of the creature's traits for horror and tragedy alike, I think with Dracula you can actually just take an approach of "whatever works". Because as I mentioned before, I think much of the appeal and longevity of Dracula is how the character's both a layered villain as well as a shapeshifting narrative force that can be tailored to whatever you want to do with. Granted, there are bad or dissappointing Dracula designs, of course there are, but in regards to the leeway you get for reinterpretation, you get a lot more of it with Dracula than with other literary icons.

Like with Frankenstein, I'm gonna bring up how I'd tackle a less grim, more comedy-centric Dracula first, one that's less a force of horror and more of a charismatic villain, and I think to that end I definitely agree that people are sleeping a lot on the hairy old man barely-passing-off-as-humanoid of the original story. Despite very much loving these performers, I'm actually not a fan of takes that mold Dracula too closely to people who've portrayed him, like Bela Lugosi and Christopher Lee, partially because I think it's a waste of an opportunity to create your own Dracula design. Since I can't draw (yet), I'll do what I usually do and make a board of images to try and convey some of my thoughts on one way I'd design Dracula.

(Pictured: Kiwi's design for Dracula, Hotel Transylvania concept art, Nandor, Castlevania Dracula, Charles Dance in Dracula Untold, Vladislav, a Transylvanian rug)

I used the images in my other Dracula post and I’ll post it here again because I absolutely adore @kiwibyrd's designs for Dracula and it's main heroes, in particular I love the way it strikes a good balance at making sure Dracula looks distinctly separate from the humans, but not too much that he couldn't conceivably operate in society as just a harmless old man. I also adore the mustache and bushy eyebrows and pointy ears and I think these three are wonderful features to keep on any Dracula design. I'm also very partial to the Hotel Transylvania concept art, even if it makes me incredibly depressed to look at all the great designs they had for Dracula that they threw in the trash because they somehow decided making him look like Adam Sandler was the idea to go with.

I deeply adore What We Do In The Shadows, both the movie and the show, and Jemaine Clement's Vladislav is one of my favorite (maybe even my actual favorite) on-screen Draculas. But I also enjoy Nandor just as much, and I think it's really great that as a character he's completely different from Vlad while also being ostensibly a take on Dracula, and in particular I bring up his Jersey look because "Dracula in common clothing" is a criminally underrated concept for a joke.

As a character, I'm very partial to comedy takes on Dracula that play him up as a decadent aristocratic supervillain, the kind that can get away with talking in third person. I also have this idea for a version of Dracula who dresses ostentatiously in finely-broidered Romanian or Transylvanian patterns, maybe even wearing a rug as a cape, claiming that he's carrying the legacy of his people on his back. And of course he's lying, he's not Vlad Tepes and he's not even Romanian, he is just a parasite pretending to have a history to be proud of, but good luck getting him to admit that. And finally, I'd like this version to be played by Charles Dance, and I consider it a tremendous crime against humanity that he has yet to play Dracula proper even despite being in a film with the character's name on the title.

So that's kinda how I would design a take on Dracula for something more comedic or more based around him as this guest character and personality on-set. Now, if we're talking a more serious version, I think the possibilities increase, and I won't be getting into all of them because I may prefer to keep them to myself, but I'll elaborate a few ideas.

For example, the edition of Dracula I personally own comes with these really scratchy, really creepy B&W illustrations related to the story, that I can't find scanned online so I'm uploading them here so you can look at. They don't necessarily depict the scenes but rather some of the story's moments, like Van Helsing staking Lucy, Renfield in a straightjacket, Dracula as a coachman, and they are more focused on conveying the horror of the concepts at play.

Dracula never looks the same way in any of the illustrations, in fact you kinda have to piece him out of them by trying to find teeth or capes or eyes or bat-features to see where he's hiding this time. In the first, it's the half-man half-bat, in the 2nd, he's the shrieking bat silhouette next to Renfield, and in the latter, he's the gaping jaws and eerily humanoid eyes in the wolf. The effect to me almost feels like if you were to look at a bunch of tv static and then see a humanoid shape form for a split second before everything went back to normal, something like you'd get from Slender Man or other modern creepypastas, and I’ve argued before that Dracula’s form of horror is a very modern one. 

In terms of illustrations of Dracula that keep up the original traits while still pulling off horror, I definitely have to hand it to the one at the left of the image above, drawn by regourso on Deviantart (account deleted at present). Going back to Castlevania’s many takes on Dracula, two in particular that stick out to me would be Castlevania: Judgment’s armored dress Dracula, who’s got this great twisted heart/rose motif going on in his outfit, and Dracula’s final form in SOTN where he just sits in his throne and his cape twists into all these monsters, particularly how it’s depicted by witnesstheabsurd’s depiction. 

I’m not particularly a fan of how Dracula’s “final form” in these games is usually just some big demon, and part of what I like about his final form in SOTN instead is that, while it’s not a particularly challenging final boss, I do find it interesting the idea of us never actually getting to see what Dracula’s true final form looks like, only an ever-shifting pitch-black torrent of teeth and claws and bloody veins pouring out because that’s ultimately what Dracula is and brings to the world.

On the flip-side of the rotten old monster, we have the charming seductor Dracula, and while I’m really not a fan of how various adaptations have convinced people that “the point” of Dracula is that he’s a seductive force and an allegory for Victorian xenophobia and I’m reeeally even less of a fan of adaptations that make Dracula some misunderstood tragic hero (and I think I’ve made rather violently clear my feelings on interpretations that play up a romance between him and Mina), that the seductive force part exists is impossible to deny, so conversely, while on one hand we can have Dracula as the gargantuan whirlwind of predatory violence, we can also go for Dracula as the tantalizing lover.

I’ve seen a lot of opinions proclaiming Frank Langella as the best Dracula because he was the best at actually being seductive while still playing Dracula, although I haven’t yet seen his performances. If I had to point at one picture I look at and do buy for a second the idea of Dracula as a romantic character, it would be that particular still of Raul Julia in the left of the above image. And it’s strange for me to think of Raul Julia as attractive because I mainly associate him with his brilliant comedy performance of M.Bison (I know it’s far from the highlight of his career but, look, I grew up with Street Fighter, I can’t help it) but those eyes are definitely looking pretty convincing to me, if nothing else. 

And I’ve included this still of Sebastian Stan in the right because, during a conversation between me, @krinsbez and @jcogginsa about who could be a good fit for Dracula, jcog suggested Sebastian Stan, partially because he’s Romanian, and I’ve learned recently that Stan was actually interested in playing the character in Blumhouse’s upcoming remake. And you’d think I’d hate this idea  considering how much I don’t care for tragic anti-hero Draculas, but who says that’s what he’d have to play? 

Do you have any idea how much actors, who are traditionally known for heroic or supporting roles, usually LOVE it when you give them a chance to cut loose as the main villain?

I’d want Sebastian Stan to put all of his charm, all of his talent, all of his good looks and etc, into playing the absolute most vicious, bloodthirsty and irredeemable Dracula put on screen. Someone who is exceedingly, eerily good at being a lovable protagonist, who’s all smiles and charming eyes and politeness mannerisms and maybe even a funny accent, and then it isn't as funny when he's flying through your window intent on kidnapping babies to feed to his brides, except he may take a moment or two to do so because he's feeling pretty hungry himself right now.

Now, admittedly this is kind of a lot to juggle in regards to a single character, which is why my answer for questions like these inevitably has to be “depends on what I’m going for”. That being said, if I was going to try and cast someone who I think could both look the part of Dracula, as well as respectively, play “cartoon aristocrat” Dracula, “mercurial embodiment of evil” Dracula, as well as realistically be an attractive, even seductive performer who can charm viewers even as the character descends into horrible villainy, and juggle these performances even?

I think I’d have to go with Mads Mikkelsen. Not specifically because of Hannibal (I actually haven’t watched it yet), although it’s definitely a factor, the thing that actually made me pick him specifically is, other than his looks, his voice, his reputation for playing sinister characters, the fact that he loves the role and wants to play it, or how many people are deeply in love with this man, or that people already joke that he looks like a vampire, was watching him in Another Round, and specifically that glorious final scene where he’s just dancing to his heart’s content and just, moving with such spring in his step and such joyful vitality even though he’s past his mid-fifties, and that was the moment where, in regards to how much you all love this man, I went

And now I am going to add “casting Mads Mikkelsen as a dancing Dracula” to The List of Reasons Why I Became a Filmmaker.

[maries-gallery]

hey hey !

I was hoping you'd do a matchup for me ?

pronouns | she - her

sexuality | straight

likes |

i love to read ! It's one of my favourite things.

i have a habit of sleeping in the sun alot.

music ! it's usually always on in my room, it helps me cope.

I like to always dress up, even if I'm never out and about.

I like kittens alot, and bunnies I have my own two kittens !

ideal partner |

someone who's in it for the long run.

someone I can dance in the middle of the night with.

and doesn't wear me out, a person who'd just sit with me sometimes.

and to take care of me, I'm sick so I need to be taken care of to exist-

oh, and they can have fun and tease me.

type | nsfw and sfw please !

appearance | I'm 4'8, olive skin, curly wavy black hair and big brown eyes

extra things | I stutter alot

thank you !

good luck on doing the matchups

have a wonderful day 🕊️

always, 𝑠𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑝ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑎

Match ups are closed

Hello there ! First I wanna say that you sound so cute and really aesthetic ? I get real cottage core vibes here and this is so satisfying.

Now, I match you with Jean ! (Although it was a close tie with Reiner)

SFW :

- For him it would be love at first sight. You are just so adorable and nice and kind... Truly, in his eyes you are too good and pure for this world. Honestly his heart just melts in his chest, world stopping around him when his eyes land on your form. Speaking of which, the first time the both of you were probably kids and lived in the same village. Yes Jean has had feelings for you for a long time now and guess what ? There is not a day during which his heart has not beat for you.

- The first time the two of you met was as children, he had been out and about to help his mother bring home some bread and food when he caught you dozing in your garden, sun gently caressing your skin and grass making a soft bed for you to rest upon. He just stopped a moment to admire you and his mother had to call him at least four times before he got a move. Ever since then he tried to approach you without ever really having the courage too. He tried to bring pies and cakes to your house, claiming his mother had made them for your family, and tried to catch glimpses of you in the garden or outside. He was just so smitten with you and you didn’t even know he existed. But one day he finally got the courage to approach you and the two of you became very good friends ! That was also the first time he heard your voice and your stutters just made him blush so hard. No need to say, his crush slowly left place to a strong and everlasting love, never to change across the years. He also adores the more teasing and playful side of your personality which just complements his own so well.

- He absolutely loved everything about you. From your sweet and kind personality to your quirky habits of sleeping outside, having music on all the damn time, or dressing up for no reason. It was all perfect to him. His heart swells in his chest to the point of exploding when he sees you interacting with kittens or bunnies or any small animal really... And well he is not really one to read but he loves to see you engrossed in a book, turning pages after pages or hearing your voice as you read aloud... Actually the two of you made it a habit, you meet in the afternoon on sunny days, lay under a tree and he just listens to you as you read him a story. He also always sticks up for you and never leaves your side. 

- But then you grew up and the two of you joined the corps... You became one of the iconic duos there, always together and sticking up for each other. Jean being super protective of you and you being a pure ray of sunshine, always managing to highlight the softest side of this man. And after a particularly hard expedition that’s when Jean decided he had enough. He didn’t want nor intended on spending his years swallowing up his feelings and fearing for your life all the time. He wanted you to know how hard his heart beat for you, how you meant everything. Gosh he wanted the whole world to know that he was so damn in love with you and had been for the longest of time.  Luckily for him you returned his feelings, and this made him the happiest man alive.

- Now, Jean is a huge romantic (even if this may not shine through at first). Your happiness and well being are his top priorities and he is dead set on making it out with you, to live your own fairy tale once this is all over. I can see him planning and daydreaming about your marriage and a life together very early on in the relationship (or even before that to be honest). He just loves you so much and knows that you are the one for him. That said, he’d be even more protective of you after the two of you start dating, quitting whatever he was doing to help you if you needed help, always ready to punch someone if they were to insult or tease you for your stutters. And yeah, God have mercy on whoever makes you cry or hurts you because he definitely won’t. He already lost Marco and won’t let anything happen to you. 

- Overall his love for you is very pure and wholesome. He doesn’t even really think of you in a sexual way (well not before you start getting sexual that is). He just wants to hug you, cuddle you, kiss you and bring a smile to your face, make your heart warm in your chest like you do to him. That said he would definitely be the type to spin you around in your living room, in the dead of the night and in the silence of your home. He’d also draw you and paint you and would ask you to model for him very often. He’d be the kind to lazily play with your hair as an outlet for his nerves. But he also loves it when the two of you can have silly banters or playfully tease each other. He’d chase you around the room to tickle you to death, would squish your cheeks together to laugh at how you look like a blob fish and would carry you around, laughing at your silly attempts to get out of his grasp. 

- Then another amazing feature of your relationship is probably how you are always very supportive of one another. Jean tends to feel very insecure deep down and you know it, thus you always have a kind and reassuring word for him whenever he feels down. Just like he always has words and gestures for you when something is wrong, ready to listen to you and hold you. 

- Honestly the two of you are just so beautiful together and such a good pair. He’d respect your boundaries and is a very soft boyfriend. He also brags to everyone about how wonderful his girlfriend is, regardless of how shy you may be.

Song :

Adore You, Harry Styles

Scenario :

The soft glow of the moon showered the dark living room in faint rays of light. Stars were out to admire the spectacle below, two lovers dancing to the beat of their own drum, ignorant of time slipping by and day approaching fast. In their own world, away from everyone and everything, secured in the comfort of their home after years of fighting for peace. 

One step to the right, one to the left. And repeat. Jean’s arms held you close to him, never letting go. A hand on your waist and another holding your hand to guide you in a slow dance. His nose buried in your hair, inhaling as he hummed a soft tune for the two of you only, a few howls and creatures of the night accompanying him in his solo. You leaned against his chest, ear pressed against his heart and listened to it beat just for you. 

He gently cradled you, swinging the both of you from side to side, careful not to bump into any furniture. Although the couch and coffee table had been pushed back against the walls to make room for your performance. 

His loving eyes glanced down at you, a tender smile curving his lips. 

How had he gotten so lucky ? He had loved you for so long, the two of you had seen and lived through so much. And still there you were, peacefully dancing in the living room after the world nearly came to an end. 

He still remembered the first time he saw you, he was 10 back then. You were lazily lying on the grass, eyes closed and locks of hair softly ruffled by the gentle wind, sun shining down on you like you were its very own child. From that moment on he had been yours. You had stolen his heart without even looking at him, without even knowing he existed. 

During all these years he had admired you, loving you in silence and watching after you, marvelling at every smile and every laugh, every moment the two of you shared. And now here you were, resting in his hold, your heart his as much as his was yours. And he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Now with nothing on your way, the future has never looked brighter. And although the past may cling onto you, you’d face it hand in hand, ready to take over the world again and finally live your happily ever after. 

And this happy ever after started tonight as Jean gently let go of you, spinning you around and then getting down on one knee, hand going to his pocket and retrieving a small box.

And there, under the kind gaze of the Moon, your boyfriend looked at you, stars in his eyes rivalling the sky’s. 

“Would you be mine forever ?” 

NSFW :

- Jean is traditionally a gentle dominant. He is here to serve and loves to take care of you. Very gentle in all everything he does, every touch he leaves on your aching body and every kiss he places on your begging skin. He wants nothing more than to hear you moan and to feel you twitch and crumble in his hands. His favourite positions would be missionary and cowgirl. He loves eye contact and the view, how he gets to see every expression you make. He also has amazing access to your shoulders, neck and face, perfect to rain kisses and love bites on your skin as he thrusts into you. 

- He can honestly be both gentle and passionate or rough and fast. In function of what you want and how he feels in the moment. But rest assured that he loves to take his sweet sweet time with you, to savour your touch and the warmth of your body pressed flush against his. That said you’d be completely satisfied and full after a session with Jean. His objective is to please you and give you a good time and he is not straying away from it. He also sees sex as a very romantic and special thing so expect lots of soft and gentle gestures like holding hands, eye contacts, brushes of his lips on your jaw and whispers of how beautiful you are and how much he loves you. 

- But don’t be fooled, guy is also a huge huge tease, he knows perfectly what he is doing and how crazy he makes you by barely dragging his fingers on your skin, from your chess to your inner thighs. Foreplays just last forever with him, with you begging for his touch and him very casually and innocently asking you why you are being so fidgety when he barely touched you yet. Yes, that is the problem, Sir. He’d let his hand ghost over your entrance and would steal your breath with a kiss, all the while enjoying how you wiggle your hips in an attempt to bring him closer, to have him touch you where you want him the most. 

- When it comes to kinks he has a huge daddy kink and loves to please his sweet little baby girl, he’d compliment and praise you in the dirtiest of ways, whispering in your ear how good you are doing for daddy and how he is proud of his pretty baby girl. On the other hand, praise him and he’ll be putty in your hands, passion flooding through his veins and he just can’t stop himself from making a mess out of you, picking up his pace and giving you exactly what you want. He is just so weak for you. He also has a breeding kink and the thought of one day having a family of your own just... Drives him wild with desire and love for you. He also has a size kink and loves feeling himself inside of you by pressing a hand on your abdomen. But overall he is just very much vanilla.

- He isn’t particularly loud when he moans, but he does a lot of talking and praising. Then he also grunts and sighs in your ear and when he finally reaches his high he’d let out the prettiest and sweetest call of your name. Your moans really gets him going too and he just loves to hear you, would sometimes ask you to moan louder just so he can bathe in the sound of your pretty voice. 

That’s it ! Hope you enjoyed it and take care of yourself :))

[notafraidofredyellowandblue]

Flake interview 2020-01

Not a new interview, but relatively recent, Flake with "Der Standard" 2020-01 before an appearance of Flake in Vienna (author Stefan Weiss), don't think there's a translation on the website, so here's a shot..:

Rammstein keyboardist Flake: "The reunification was a mess"

Christian "Flake" Lorenz hits the keys not only as a keyboardist, but also as an author. A conversation about controversial views on the GDR, fireworks and climate protection

At Rammstein he is the "keyfucker" - GDR jargon for keyboard players. His real name is Christian Lorenz, but he has been calling himself "Flake", pronounced in German, of course, since his youth. For a quarter of a century, the native of East Berlin has been the alien in the German rock band, the thin freak among the strong musclemen. In the meantime, Flake also hits the keys as an author: In "An was ich mich so erinnern kann" (2015) he wrote down his GDR experiences, followed in 2017 with "Heute hat die Welt Geburtstag", a literary autobiography about Rammstein. On March 26, Flake will come to Vienna's Globe Theater for a reading.

STANDARD: We are currently celebrating 30 years of 'Die Wende' *1). Your joy is limited, as one knows. How do you perceive the anniversary?

Flake: 'Die Wende' and reunification of Germany have to be separated. I experienced the change as a punk at the time. The ossified old concrete headframe of the GDR Politburo was also our enemy. We didn't want this idiotic regime anymore and we fought to loosen it up. When the wall came down, we didn't know what to do with the freedom we suddenly had. But then began an incredibly exciting time in which we tried to develop professionally, politically and musically in every direction.

STANDARD: And then came the reunification.

Flake: A lot went wrong from then on. We were annexed as a useless country, entire biographies were declared worthless, companies were closed so that the western companies could expand. We have been reset to such an extent that resentment and disappointment have built that have persisted until now. By and large, the reunification in this form was a mess.

STANDARD: If you look at Germany's east today, right-wing populism has recently had great political success there. A legacy of reunification?

Flake: Many people are disappointed because certain promises have not been fulfilled. But they already had the political left in their lives, now they are trying it with the right. Personally, I cannot understand how one can vote for the AfD *2). But those who do are doing it in large part in protest against the mainstream parties. It is clear that the AfD cannot meet expectations either. If the AfD were to rule, many people would notice very quickly that it is not getting better, but worse.

STANDARD: You grew up in the East Berlin punk scene. What are the differences between the East and West punks?

Flake: There was a fundamental difference: the Ostpunks didn't need any money because life was absurdly cheap, rent around 25 marks. The koney you made from one concert lasted over a month. So you could make the music you wanted to make and not just the music that sells well. Absurdly enough, it made us very free.

STANDARD: There were also IM Stasi informers among your band colleagues at the time (IM: unofficial employee, note). Aren't you angry with the repressive surveillance state of the GDR?

Flake: I'm not angry with IM informers in the bands. Because their IM status often made it possible for the bands to exist at all. The Stasi didn't lock up its own people. The best example of this is the GDR band 'Die Firma'. It was founded by IM informers. The gag was that 'Die Firma' ('The Company') was actually a synonym for "Stasi". Covered by the Stasi, they then sang anti-subversive texts. Almost brilliant really.

STANDARD: Do you understand when it is said that the GDR was an injustice state and that Stasi repression was a kind of terror?

Flake: I can understand it when people say that who have experienced it and suffered from it. But personally, I can't say that the whole state was bad. I don't want to know how many innocent people have been or are being imprisoned and monitored in the West. I do not find the generalization of the "unjust state" okay.

STANDARD: Would Rammstein have been conceivable in the GDR?

Flake: We wouldn't have founded a band like Rammstein within the GDR because it would have been the wrong answer to this system. We founded Rammstein because we noticed that our punk music wasn't getting anywhere in the West. It took harder stuff.

STANDARD: You have retained a kind of socialism within the band. Nevertheless, Rammstein is a millionaire company. Were there moments when you thought: The money could not only destroy our character but also the band?

Flake: Rammstein is a company where money fluctuates a lot. We have a lot of employees, we buy tons of pyrotechnics, we have a huge stage, costumes, our own electricity network, we shoot extremely complex videos. The money that remains private can actually hardly harm us, because it is so limited. We really have to make sure that the plus-minus calculation works out.

STANDARD: In your book "Heute hat die Welt Geburtstag" you describe the 25 years of Rammstein as a long partnership: It has become calmer in bed, but you understand each other blindly. Is divorce even an option?

Flake: Divorce is definitely not an issue. It's like a very long marriage: You don't even think about divorce anymore.

STANDARD: In the midst of tough muscle men, you were always the figure that breaks everything, especially in the interaction with singer Til Lindemann, who sometimes roasts you on stage like a cockroach. It looks like the traditional comedian constellation white clown and stupid August, Laurel and Hardy with SM components. How important is that to the show?

Flake: We developed that more by accident. We never made it up: you are the strong one, I am the weak one. At our first concerts we always stood around very haphazardly, then we started pushing and provoking each other. When I watch a normal heavy metal band I get bored easily. We always have something going on.

STANDARD: Do you sometimes long for a role change at Rammstein? To be the strong one for once?

Flake: Nah, I have other worries. With those couple of concerts, I can handle my role well enough.

STANDARD: Can you even enjoy appearances or does that only come afterwards? After all, a Rammstein show is precision work.

Falke: What do you mean enjoy? I enjoy when everything runs smooth and everything works like a machine. There are good and bad concerts, at the good ones we take off like an airplane.

STANDARD: Rammstein mixes black romanticism with black humor. You yourself love the blues, which often sails in similar waters. Can you draw joy out of melancholy?

Flake: The blues is the best example of this. Sadness and comfort go hand in hand. All of popular music arose from a problem of the respective author. This is exactly what you want to hear when you are not feeling well yourself. During puberty you normally don't want to hear "Walking on Sunshine" either.

STANDARD: Traditionally, there is also joy in melancholy and morbidity in Vienna. Is that the Eastern European impact?

Flake: Slavic music is very melancholic, on the other hand the Goth culture comes from the west. So I wouldn't really pinpoint that to anything local.

STANDARD: It is said that Rammstein did more to preserve the German language than all the Goethe Institutes put together. Are you proud of that?

Flake: Yeah. But the interesting thing is that we are regarded more highly abroad than in our own country. In Germany there is a lot of ranting: We are dull and foolish about Germany - complete nonsense.

STANDARD: Rammstein has always been compared to the totalitarian parody band Laibach. They recently played in North Korea with the aim of appearing subversive. Is something like that conceivable for Rammstein?

Flake: We'd have to think very carefully about what we want and why we want it. If that were to help someone, okay - but only to be able to say, "We're subversive now," that's not an argument.

STANDARD: For reasons of climate protection, there is an increasing number of missile bans. A topic for Rammstein?

Flake: We played a concert in Chicago once. The local fire protection was so rigorous that we shouldn't even have lit a match. Complete ban on pyro. We went on stage and said: either we are leaving because we are not allowed to make a fire here, or we are playing without. The audience wanted the latter, of course. And it became one of our best shows. You have to weigh it up a bit: should you stop all things like a Rammstein show for climate reasons? But I totally understand that there shouldn't be any more bangs on New Year's Eve. I was in Vienna once at the turn of the year, and there was relatively little banging. I thought that was good. Berlin is one of the most terrifying cities on New Year's Eve. There it's pure aggression.

Notes:

*1) i kept 'Die Wende' as the term for the political transformation in east germany, not sure what the official english phrase is

*2) AfD, short for 'Alternative für Deutschland' or 'Alternative for Germany' is a right-wing populist political party, often characterized as far-right, known for its opposition to the European Union and immigration

[ultraclops]

Day 3: Be True To Yourself

Aka me literally just infodumping about my Ocs because I love them ♡

Brought to you by Colorvision! Yep, I decided to get off my lazy butt and color traditionally today :)

First off, Tiara Depurrnaire (She/Her)! A Sweetypie cat who's partially related to the Snugglemagne family and, in my timeskip AU, Adorabat's future girlfriend. Like Adorabat, she lost her leg to a monster while wandering the King's dungeons. She aspires to be just as brave as Adorabat but lacks the gall, being content to watch and learn from the sidelines. As they both get older Tiara realizes that she is a lesbian, and develops a mutual crush on Adorabat that turns into a relationship. As she ages, Tiara' aspirations to become a hero fade, and she settles for becoming a ballet teacher. She learns to be brave in her own way and unconditionally supports her monster-slaying adventuring partner, no matter how their paths diverge.

T H E Y (Also I need to post my full adult Adorabat design sometime)

Next up is Sherbet (They/Them), a Sweetypie rabbit who makes ice cream for a living! I don't really have a backstory for them but I believe they realized they were nonbinary in their younger years (around early middle school age) and have fully embraced their identity! They don't let anything get them down and are eager to cheer up the citizens of Pure Heart Valley, one ice cream cone at a time. They're also good acquaintances with Badgerclops and Adorabat, for obvious reasons. Their eyes function similarly to Badgerclops', as they only open when they feel strong emotions.

Next (and honestly one of my favorites) is Moa Nola (Xe/Xem), an agender Oriental Shorthair cat who, surprisingly, isn't related to the Mao clan. Xe originally started off as a joke character based on the misspelling of Mao Mao's name in "I'm Mao Mao", but I eventually grew attached to xem and gave xem a full-fledged backstory. Xe comes from a family of fishermen, but after xyr father was killed in a monster attack, xe decided that xe wanted to become a legendary monster hunter. Xe created xyr cloak after xyr first successful monster fight. After being mistaken for the son of Shin Mao too many times, xe used it to xyr advantage and began going under Mao Mao's title for a while. However, after being stopped by Mao Mao himself, xe dropped the act and began looking for a new sense of purpose. Ironically, xe starts collecting antique ventriloquist dummies similar to Mr. Din Danalin.

Following up on the "based on a misspelling" theme is Rhapsody (She/They), a femme-aligned nonbinary Sweetypie vampire bat inspired by Adorabat's name being mistranslated as "doorbat" in YouTube autocaptions. She is Adorabat maternal cousin, as their mother is Sonara's sister. Rhapsody was heavily impacted by Sonara's death, but rather than becoming tough like Adorabat or overprotective like Eugene, she became more reserved out of fear that they could be next. In other words, she became a doorbat (haha funny). With the arrival of Mao Mao and Badgerclops, plus the defeat of the monster that killed their aunt, Rhapsody begins to come out of her shell and indulges in their biggest passion - music. Like Adorabat she learns to use their voice as a weapon, but hers is more of a siren's song than a sonic screech. In my timeskip AU, they leave Pure Heart Valley to become a popstar, writing songs inspired by her childhood memories and their home. It's obscured by the flag but the marking on her chest is a bleeding heart, emphasizing her passionate drive.

(Rhapsody's kid and adult forms [kinda old])

+ OCs of mine I didn't feel like making alternate drawings for:

Buzz-Buzz (Zhe/Ze/Zhey), a demigender Sweetypie bumblebee bat who protects the bees of Pure Heart Valley! Despite zer small stature, zhe is actually an adult, just naturally small. Zhe also grows herbs on the side and volunteers at the Pure Heart Valley hospital. Primarily because zhe has a crush on the head doctor there... (I did not make zer to selfship with Cuddlestein. Nope. Not at all.)

My Badgermao "fankid", Sai (They/He/It)! I say "fankid" in air quotes because they're from an AU where Badgerclops' spare arm became corrupt and gained a conscience. Their robot arm is actually their body - the rest of their body is a projection of light, similar to the gems from Steven Universe! They have masculine programming (as their AI was made using Badgerclops's DNA a la Cortana from Halo), but identify as agender and use they/he/it pronouns. Originally they began as a blank slate with no personality aside from the programmed personality Badgerclops gave them, but they eventually grow their own personality and moral compass as they analyze the Sheriff's Department's work. Just like Badgerclops, they have a passion for building robots and weapons, and can even modify themselves to fit the situation! Most of their creations are usually for fun, though.

Anf the last one I have a reference for but not the least, Karma Vesper (She/They)! This one is actually my self-insert, lol. She is a biro-ace demigirl Javanese Cream-Point Cat! Her necklace was a gift from her family, and her hood was a gift from her mentor. After her village was ambushed by criminals, she became a wandering hero, and accidentally stumbled upon Pure Heart Valley while following a report of increased monster activity. At some point during her adventures alone she realized that she was biro-ace, since she felt no sexual attraction but still felt romantic attraction. Around the time she came to Pure Heart Valley she realized that she never really felt, like, 100% a GIRL girl (if that makes sense) and began identifying as a demigirl. (Yes this is my hidden self-actualization story :>) She enjoys researching gemstones and ancient artifacts, and the Ruby Pure Heart immediately caught her attention once she laid eyes on it. While she is still a wandering hero, she has a temporary residence in Pure Heart Valley, where she stays to research the Heart's powers as well as assist the townspeople. Her and the Sheriff's Department didn't start out on the best terms since Mao was worried she was trying to replace them, but they tolerate each other now.

+ the OCs I don't have references for:

I did have a reference for these guys but idk where it is rn ;-;. Anywway, my most recent OCs and also some of my favorite OCs are Bernard and Pierre, a black bear and polar bear respectively (both use He/Him)! They are both gay and in a healthy relationship & live in a cabin in the forest together. They are just. Two old gay granddads and I love them. Anyway! They both met after an accident which caused Bernard to blow out his left knee and Pierre to lose his left hand; they had been best friends since, and boyfriends later on! Bernard is a baker while Pierre is a wood carver, although they indulge in each other's interests as well. For the most part they just stay in their cabin in the forest, but they leave to buy groceries and sell their products.

And the final OC I'm gonna talk about is Storm Mao (They/Them)! They're from an AU where Mao was born in a litter of five, like his sisters. Ever since Storm were young, they felt like weren't "normal" compared to their siblings. They didn't feel like a girl or a boy. After Mao came out as a trans boy, they began questioning themselves further. Eventually they decided to ask Contacts Sister for help, as she was among the smartest of the Mao children. Contacts explained to Storm that there are people who don't identify as a boy or a girl, and Storm realized they weren't alone. Since then, they started identifying as nonbinary and began using they/them pronouns, and their family supported their decision. Aside from them and Mao, their litter siblings are also LGBTQ+ - Mamoru (He/Him) is AroAce, Bernadette (She/Her) is bi and Zhijun (He/Him) is gay. I'd talk about the AU more in a separate post, if anyone wants me too^ ^;;

If I remember any other LGBTQ+ OCs I have, I'll reblog with them ✌

[nayialovecat]

SATIM contest no 4 - Vacation Postcard!

I was supposed to announce this competition at the beginning of August, but due to various turbulences and considerations about the form of it, I'm announcing it now. It will overlap in a moment with the second Halloween contest I'm going to announce on October 1st, but don't worry. Both competitions will be held simultaneously, you can take part in both and win prizes in both.

As you know, I am currently posting my entries to Ink Demonth where Bendy's Family travels the world. The list of places is almost full (you only have a small gap between sailing across the Atlantic and reaching France, but with the Redemption theme, it will be full). Maybe you know any other cool place that the family could go to? Maybe your city is so interesting that a group of inky-demonic beings would like to visit it? Do it! Have Bendy and his family visit the place of your choice, then send me a postcard to:

Nayia Lovecat Cat House Somewhere in Poland

For real... Post your work with a link to the page with the information about the contest and possibly let me know you did it.

Here are a handful of rules: 1. As in Ink Demonth, you need to include the whole family in the postcard, and no one is left out. The characters don't have to be shown in full, but it has to be clear who's who.

2. The format must be postcard - whether you make only one side of the postcard or both is up to you. However, if you decide to make only the page with the text, remember to include my address and still - it has to include the whole family in the text (each must be mentioned by name). A nice touch will also be making a postage stamp from your country or the place where you will send my Bendy's Family.

3. Making both sides of the postcard increases the point value of such work in the competition, but doesn't mean that it will win. I appreciate every participation.

4. The method of making a postcard is whatever you want. If someone wants, can use this blank form (if you need a page with a view, just wipe all lines in any graphics program).

5. Please don't post nsfw, offensive, etc. content - especially due to the presence of children.

6. The award is traditionally: a colour drawing made by me, containing up to five characters. They don't have to be BATIM related.

7. The competition will probably last until the end of October, 'cause the post office in Poland works really bad and you always wait several weeks for each parcel :) Good luck!

[potscenarios]

Hiiii! I don't know if I'm requesting right but headcanons or scenario (whichever you prefer) with Yandere!Sanada finding out that his darling has been engaged to another guy by her parents? Thank you if you get to answer this 😆

Yup, don't worry, you did send in the right format! Thank you for following the rules! ♡ 

Mmmm yessss, yandere boys are my favourite!! *chef's kiss* as you can tell from how long this became oopsies

Tw: yandere (duh), stalking, possesive behavior, toxic parents, death

Sometimes you feel like you're being watched.

It's a weird feeling, to say the least. Whenever it happens, there’s a very subtle change in the air, but you always gets goosebumps at the back of your neck, and you know that something - no, someone, is watching your movements from the shadows. Whoever does it conceals their presence so well, you don’t think anyone around you ever realizes. The only reason you realise that something feels wrong is because you've been raised preciously in your traditionally oriented family, and you've learned to take cues and be cautious of everyone else's needs, so you’re quite sensitive to changes in your surroundings. 

You’re thankful that you’re childhood friends with Yukimura Seiichi and his younger sister, because somehow you end up being friends with the whole Rikkai Dai tennis club members, and that means you can always count on them to walk you back home. Even though practice mostly run until late, you would rather wait and watch, because it’s still better than going back alone, and you don’t exactly have other close friends. Your parents doesn’t like it, but you manage to convince them that it’s better than being alone in case something happens, since you’re not allowed to have a cellphone.

Besides, you can always count on Marui to stop by some newly opened cake shops, Yukimura to entertain you with his stories of how he had just added a new plant to his collection, and Kirihara to drag you to the convenience store near the school to sneak in some light snacks before dinner. 

But out of all of them your favorite is still Sanada; mainly because he always seem to know what’s in your head.

On the times you don’t feel like going back home (there are very minimal entertainment sources in your house, because your parents hates technology with a passion), he would ask whether you want to drop by your beloved cafe and spend some time here until it’s right before dinner time. Whenever you feel like taking a walk outside before going back home, he’s always there to accompany you, buy you a drink when you’re tired, and sit in silence with you as you stare at the orange colored sky. He just knows.

Sometimes it feels like if you ask him to steal you away from that stuffy prison you call your home, he would comply without question.

There’s a part of you that desperately want to confess to him already.

But that’s unfair to him because you know you’re going to get married off to some guy you never met before. Your parents don’t change their mind that easily, and they’ve continuously drilled this knowledge into you way back since you entered middle school, and the implication is clear in your head - you’re not allowed to have boyfriends. Period.

That, and it’s shameful to confess first, being a woman. Or at least that’s what your parents taught you. You used to think it was common sense, until you saw girls confess to their crushes under the infamous Rikkai sakura tree and you saw how happy they look as a couple at school. It was the first time you realized that maybe your parents aren’t some kind of holy existence that never makes any mistakes.

You think you can just go on with your life. It’s what you’ve been doing all your life; being the perfect daughter for your parents, and then the perfect wife for whoever they want to ship you off to. That’s just how your life is.

“I don’t think that’s what you really want,” Yukimura’s younger sister said when she stopped by your house after the shopping trip to look for Seiichi’s birthday present, and you tell her your situation, “I still think you should just confess to Sanada-san. He’ll make it work somehow.”

“How?” you ask, frowning.

“.... I dunno, but knowing him, he’ll do something about it,” she tilts her head, “I didn’t want to say this but one time onii-chan told me Sanada-san also loves you very very much.”

Ironically, the very morning you decide you would take your only female friend’s advice, is the same morning your parents stop you from coming to school.

“Omiai...? Now? But... I... I have school....”

Your mother says she has already contacted the school. Your father says it doesn’t matter, since once you get married you can just stop attending school altogether. You stare at them in disbelief, unable to believe that this was happening so fast. You’re only in high school. You’re not even an adult yet by law.

You really can’t do this anymore.

You find that your soon-to-be husband is a few years older than you (honestly Sanada would have passed as an adult as well). He’s healthy, first-born son of a well-off family, did fairly well on his academics (Sanada generally does well on his academics too) and is splendidly helping to manage his father’s company (you imagine Sanada as a civil servant or an office worker and you think he’ll just look even better wearing a suit). He’s quite handsome (though Sanada is more handsome, you think) and has no criminal records (you’re pretty sure neither does Sanada). Your parents think he’s perfect (you don’t).

He’s throwing polite compliments to your mother, empty praises to your father, and tells you that you look beautiful in a kimono. If only your parents know how devoid of emotion your smile is, compared to the smile you showed when Sanada awkwardly tells you the same praise upon seeing you with casual clothes for the very first time outside school. If only your parents sees you as their daughter and not mere object. If only.

You’re seeing them off outside the kaiseki restaurant when you feel it. Eyes watching your back, somewhere, somehow. The car of your fiancé drives away, and when it turns into a corner you let out a heavy sigh, which draws the attention of your parents.

You really can’t do this anymore.

“I don’t want this.”

Nothing prepares you for the force against your cheek upon your slip of tongue. Your knees feel weak and you fall down onto the ground, eyes blinking back tears of pain, mind in disarray. Your left cheek stings and your hand instinctively comes up to cover it. Your other hand prickles as they graze against the rough ground. Despite this, the two adults look apathetic as they glare down at you.

Their words of scolding enters your right ear and goes out your other ear without being processed in your brain.

You really can’t do this anymore.

That night, you don’t remember how you manage to sneak out from your house at two in the morning, but the next thing you know you’re already sobbing into the nearest payphone pleading for help, and in just five minutes Sanada shows up, wraps you in his jacket, grabs your freezing cold hand, and leads you to his home.

For some reason he readily has the t̵̜̓ea you like on hand, and the guest room is perfectly prepared and cleaned. It’s as if he knows things would turn out like this.

But then again, he always knows, and you’re so tired and the futon is so comfy and Sanada’s arms feel so safe, so you slip into a deep, deep sleep.̵

When you wake up the next day, you feel a lot lighter and fresher than usual.

It’s thankfully Saturday, and so Sanada lets you sleep in, which is very nice of him. You know he’s a man of routine, so you assume he’s probably doing some kind of training, and you don’t want to disturb him. It would be rude to wander about the house you weren’t formally invited as a guest in, and you can’t just leave without telling Sanada first. There’s a TV in the room, and so you excitedly switch it on, flicking through the channels aimlessly.

It’s when you flick over to the news channel that your excitement completely disappears and is replaced by shock.

Your house - or at least what's left of it - is showing on the TV screen. The wooden building is barely standing, burnt pillars looking like it might crumble any second. In fact, several sections has given out, ashes and soot piling up. The sight is so familiar and yet so foreign. You can point out where the kitchen was, where your bedroom would have been, and yet they don't look like anything you remember.

You listen silently to the news anchor's words but they don't make any sense.

"..... police suspect it's accidental fire....."

"..... the spread was exceptionally quick....."

"..... two unidentified bodies were found and transported...."

Maybe it's five minutes later, or it could even be five hours later, you don't know. But when you hear your name and you turn towards Sanada, your eyes are red and the crushing sadness in your chest has been replaced by a hollowness you don't know if you'll ever be able to fill back in.

"Sanada-san....."

He briefly glances towards the television screen. The burnt down house isn't displayed anymore, but seeing the news program and your physical state are enough for him to piece the information together.

But all he says as he hands you what he was carrying is, "I brought ice for your cheek."

"..... Oh. Thank you."

The coldness feels good against your slightly swollen cheek. The television shuts off. You can see Sanada quietly sitting down in front of you. Still, you keep your head down, not really able to think of any conversation topic at the moment. Not when your world feels like it's falling apart rapidly.

"How are you feeling?"

Surprisingly it's him who tries to start the conversation. Sanada might not be as rigid and silent around you, but you're usually the talker - the one who entertains him, because you're groomed to do so.

"... Not... Good...."

You were always taught to smile and pretend things are okay, but... But it's fine if it's Sanada, you suppose. And it's not like your parents are around anymore to correct your behavior.

The soft call of your name - your first name, makes you look up, eyes wide in surprise. It's so foreign to hear your name in his voice.

"It's going to be okay."

You don't know how he can sound so convinced.

"How can... But I don't... I don't know what to do now..."

You're pretty sure Sanada is preparing to launch into a whole lecture in mind. He's going to tell you to go to the hospital and the police to sort our everything. He's going to ask you whether one of your relatives are in town and bring you there for the time being. And when no one offers you to stay with them, which is very likely seeing as your parents were definitely not the most social people on Earth, then-

"Then leave everything to me."

"..... Huh?"

Sanada sees your shock and apparently interprets it as rejection, for his frown deepens and something dark seems to shift in his eyes.

".... Would you rather go back to that... appointed partner of yours?"

You hadn't even thought of that possibility, and you shake your head immediately in response, a strong denial at the tip of your tongue - before the thought hits you and this time you look at Sanada in confusion, "H-How.... How did you know about the arranged marriage?"

For a moment, the male in front of you looks a tad guilty, but he quickly schools his face to his stone cold expression, though you can still see warmth and concern in his eyes.

"Don't worry about that. More importantly, if you do not wish to be engaged to that man, then-"

"Sanada-san, were you the one who had been stalking me all these time?"

The words come out before you can stop them, sharp and accusatory and it’s as if they echo within the suddenly quiet room.

Please say no.

Maybe all the while you've already known, because how else can he just seem to know what you did whenever he's not around? But the very thought that someone you love, someone who is always so courteous and kind, had been doing such a creepy thing behind your back was just...

Please say no.

"I wasn't stalking you," he says calmly as your heart is palpitating faster.

Yes. Oh, thank g-

"I was guarding you. Making sure you got home safely. That no one is giving you a hard time."

No. No no no nonono no-

"That-That's still stalking," you manage to say, though your voice is shaky and you think you're about to burst into tears or vomit the entirety of your stomach or maybe both, "I can't believe- Of all people, w-why did it had to be you?! Why now! H-How could you..!!"

Again, the sweet sound of your name comes from his lips, and he’s using that soft, loving tone that normally always made you feel all tingly and warm inside, “You need to calm down.”

It's unfair that he's acting like this when you have nothing left to hold on to. You shouldn't be content with crying into his chest; you should be running away and telling the police. It’s unfair how is he so comforting and gentle, with calloused fingers running down your back to comfort you, when you should be pushing him away. But how are you supposed to push away the only person who’s keeping you sane in this bleak nightmare?

"You have me. You have nothing to worry about."

First your family, and now the man you love.

"Let me take care of everything."

It seems like your fate is to be a bird trapped in a birdcage.

"I will make sure n̴o one can hurt my dearest future wife, ev̴er again."

[scrawler-jay]

of mice and artblock

So, midterms happened and I abandoned this blog for a while. But now I’m back, and I come bearing mice.

*

I’ve been really struggling with finding subjects I like to draw. I’m happy to work on skeleton studies until Judgment Day to better understand anatomy, but I know I need to balance “homework” art with “for fun” art, or else risk losing motivation for learning to draw -- and I’m so used to writing fiction at this point that no subject really appeals to me artistically unless it’s got 5,000+ words of story attached (or at least some narrative/character ideas, yanno -- something for my brain to pick at). The obvious solution is to draw concept art and characters from my written stories, but I feel really intimidated by that because I’m such a beginner artist that nothing I create now will do justice to the vision I have in my head.

I need art OCs and concepts – things that I will only draw art of, and have never written a story about. Stuff that doesn’t have to match a previously established, written story, and that I can change as I learn more and my skills improve.

I ended up drawing a bunch of mice.

This was initially just a whim. Human anatomy requires a lot of skill to pull off, especially faces and hands, but mice felt more beginner-friendly to me. Admittedly, I was going for a more cartoony style as opposed to photorealism, so if you’re looking at this from a realism perspective then these are pretty poor mice. However, I don’t feel ashamed of them, which I am taking as a good sign.

I kept drawing one mouse over and over. I ended up calling him Leo just because it was funny – “leo” refers to lions, but here Leo is just a little mouse. But of course, giving him a name (and a gender, incidentally) is the start of a story. Via a flight of fancy, I got it into my head that I wanted to do a painting of Leo trying to catch a big snowflake. I made some thumbnails of what I wanted the scene to look like, and then cut out a roughly 7 inch x 7 inch piece of watercolor paper from a big sheet that I had under my bed, sketched the scene in pencil, and then finished with watercolor pencils (and a white gel pen for the snowflakes). The process probably took 2.5 to 3 hours.

So, now the lore is that Leo is a mouse living in a little house in an old tree at the edge of the woods, and he wears a red scarf. I did not like this painting. It seemed over-saturated and the colors didn’t quite work the way I wanted them to. I ended up watching a tutorial on color theory, and decided to redo the painting using my newfound knowledge of color schemes. I used this color palette tool to get an idea of what kinds of colors would look good together, and settled on a complementary scheme with bluish green and brownish red.

And then, everything went wrong.

I tried to redo the painting, still working traditionally. I rushed the sketch because I was so eager to get right into working with color. This time, to avoid over-saturation, I used watercolors out of a pan rather than in pencil form. Mixing the colors in the lid of the pan took a really long time because I was so picky about shades, and because I continued rushing I didn’t allow the layers enough time to dry. Leo’s scarf (now green instead of red) bled into his russet fur, and the mailbox was the wrong shape, and I tried to erase a pencil line and created a dark blotch over an area that was supposed to be white with snow – and then I gave up.

I had downloaded Krita, a piece of digital drawing/painting software, a while ago, but hadn’t had any success using it because my desk isn’t big enough to accommodate both a laptop and my small tablet. Using my lap to hold the tablet was an exercise in frustration, and I knew so little about how digital art works that I just felt really overwhelmed and lost whenever I opened the program.

However, Krita (like most digital art software) has an undo button that I find very alluring, so I decided to try it again, now on a shiny new desk from Ikea that is actually big enough to support tablet and laptop together. I think just the space on the desk really made all the difference, but also I was determined to get this artwork of a mouse to a place where I felt satisfied with it.

I spent a solid 5 hours working on what ended up being a very simple colored drawing of a mouse catching a snowflake outside his little house. I barely blended anything at all, and there’s no light source that required me to shade anything – it’s just flat color. However, I really like these colors, and I think I did well (for an absolute beginner). I want to go back and add textures/shading to give an impression of depth, but I'm not sure how.

Leo – like all of my figures – feels really stiff, so I also want to work on gestures/studies of mice doing things. And, thanks to the popularity of mice as lab animals and pets, there are way more reference photos of mice than I expected! Most refs depict the house mouse, Mus musculus, but I did find the work of a wildlife photographer named Dean Mason who spent 15 years photographing harvest mice (micromys minutus).

Unfortunately, all of the prior artwork in this post I had drawn almost purely from imagination, and I think it shows. I studied two mice from photos in pencil, then erased the lines until they were barely visible and tried to do the fur texture in ink (with a dip pen, so there is some unevenness when the pen was extra inky).

Left is my first attempt doing the fur texture. I was more cautious with layering pen strokes, so you can see the lines of strokes fairly evenly. Right is my 2nd attempt, where I was bolder with the pen. I like these mice more than the one I created in the digital painting; these ones (especially the right) feel more Beatrix Potter-ish, which is a vibe I like.

Do I want to go back and fix the anatomy in my digital art of Leo? Yes. I also want to take another stab at doing this piece traditionally, but this time, I'd go monochrome and try to do everything in brown. However, part of me is exhausted from drawing ten million snowflakes and does not want to relive that experience with a gel pen -- I've already done it once with a tablet pen, and that was enough.

I have a hazy, far-off goal of creating a comic of Leo having adventures with another mousy friend, but that’s so far in the future that it’s not worth spending time considering right now. In the nearer future, however, Leo’s friend might become a reality – I know he’s an albino mouse (name TBD) who either escaped from a drug-testing facility (I loved The Secret of NIMH movie as a kid) or else is a pet who was dumped into the wild by a human owner who no longer wanted him. Leo is outgoing and adventurous, and this friend is shy and cautious.

[jackednephi]

@starseedjenny you have observed my tags and for this you get an infodump

So Dylan (my husband) took levels in carpentry. He's no master carpenter but he can make furniture. His absolute favorite thing to do is to get gnarly tree roots or branches and carve them into odd length walking sticks and then sell them at the local wood shop. It's easier to use a stick instead of a cane (my back hurts a LOT from using my cane but never with a stick) and different people are different heights. Plus, something people don't think about is there are incredibly short people or even children. So why not have something beautiful and sturdy?

What he does is he carefully exposes what it is about the piece of wood that is unique. Are the different bark layers different colors? He'll strip the bark carefully to have a gradient flowing up the stick until the heart of the wood, its true color as it were, is exposed. Did it have a lot of branches? Find a way to show off the cool knots. Basically, he works with what he has to let the thing speak for itself. Less actual carving like swirls or whatever and more revealing what it is that makes that stick special. Takes less technical carving skill but a good eye for natural beauty. My uncle carved my grandmother her cane before he passed and while it's a beautiful piece, it is definitely carved if that makes sense

Anyway, as you know I love arting and crafting and making pretty things with my hands. Because of church, I know how to embroider, quilt, scrapbook, make pretty much anything you could ever want from cloth from actual clothes to scripture holders, and all the usual home stuff afab people get taught in YWs. I know how to knit (with a loom), make paper art, draw traditionally, paint traditionally (and know how to stretch my own canvas), create beautiful digital art, create rough architecture blueprints that are less rough with minecraft now, stain wood, cook, make rugs, and basically if there is a craft out there I don't know, I learn very quickly as I'm great with my hands and my hand-eye coordination is fantastic. Thank you 15 years of piano lessons

Dylan, knowing this, encouraged me to take up wood burning. Painting is difficult as I don't have an easel and unless I find a comfy recliner or wheelchair stat, I can't feasibly paint anytime soon. Due to disability (and lack of materials) there are a great number of hobbies I can no longer engage in as there I'd nothing but pain and frustration. I was a little intimidated, I'll admit, because I had no idea what a wood burning tool looked like and how would I work it anyway? From my time around big saws and other wood working machinery, I wondered if it would be something unwieldy and dangerous

Plus, let's be honest. I have a very hard time justifying spending money on myself if it's more than $5 at a time

He'd been goading me into it since November. He'd basically finished up my stick except for staining and he knew I'd want to burn it. But I hemmed and hawed. Finally, we had a pretty decent paycheck with loads of money leftover and he talked me into it. Even got that nice flat piece to get me started before taking the tips to my stick

It has been a genuine blast and a complete delight. It's like a very hot, very fat pencil and he saw right away I was going to need gloves or I'd burn myself and have loads of scars all over my fingers and hands. I'm glad he did because it hasn't been a day and already my gloves have marks on them. He got real expensive deerskin so they'd be able to move with my fingers and give me more mobility than anything else. They were expensive too and wouldn't hear any complaints I had about money. He wasn't going to have me melting my flesh or unable to do delicate work like I like

What I've been doing is outlining the thin layers of bark he left. He noticed that while the outermost layers were ugly, the innermost were interesting. You can see the grain in a way you can't with the lighter wood and you have a cool looking shade that's a nice contrast to that lighter heart. I've been going over them with the round tip (really good for drawing and writing as it's super smooth) and doing those hair thin lines with the point tip. It feels very similar to drawing a fantasy map all over my stick

I'm about 1/3 of the way up my stick though definitely not 1/3 of the way finished. I lose hours at a time bent over and carefully burning. I found out I can take the tips off hot and put them in a ceramic dish to minimize cool off and maximize time spent working. Which is critical for me as I can't spend more than about three hours tops bent over burning

It's so fun because it's like line art but it's on a piece of wood so it feels like I'm doing something new. It's very methodical and cathartic and I lose so much time focusing on doing this. It keeps me calm and downright happy! Which is EXCELLENT because it means I'm combatting seasonal depression in a very big way. I've already agreed to do this with all of his pieces to enhance what he's already carved. Eventually I'll probably Do Things like Actual Wood Art but for now I'm happy with this

We already have some projects planned too by the way!!! He loves making furniture and he can build better stuff for cheaper than buying it from a furniture store. So he's going to build a lift top coffee table and a dresser for sure that I'll burn. The first piece I want us to do, I'll burn the wood BEFORE he cuts it and see how that turns out. It'll be a little box (probably to hold bunny stuff) but I want to see if that does something unique or if it just is bad. If it's not something we like, hey I didn't waste weeks or months on something huge that ended up looking bad

We're probably going to make all the tables and dressers that go in our home. Maybe an entertainment center. I know we'll make my sister stuff just on the condition she pays for materials and getting it into her place. We'll probably make stuff for people who want it and I KNOW he's willing to take commissions. Closest family (parents, my sister, etc) will only have to pay for materials/shipping. Friends and other family will probably pay that and a little extra because friends and family discount. Everyone else is gonna have to pay retail value on top of materials and shipping because they'd get a unique piece you can't find anywhere else and it'd be worth it y'know?

But that's like way off sometime eventually probably

For now, I LOVE this new hobby. I can't wait to see what my stick is going to look like finished! I'm going to burn "support" on the bottom in kanji before the no slip grip goes on. Not really for any particular reason so much as like. Sentimental? I guess? Kind of like I'm burning a prayer for it to be sturdy and useful and good into it. I tried carving my wife's kanji on it (the first kanji of his middle name means dragon) but it didn't work out well so I'm gonna burn it onto the top and that'll be its name. Again, sentiment. There is also power in naming things and like. Just in case?

It has been such a very long time since I've been able to make something with my hands that I had the materials for and I'm just absolutely pink over it. I really super want people to see this stick and want some useful beauty for themselves that I can give. I love giving and making and seeing people smile over stuff I've made. It's been such a long time since something I've done has made someone smile and I just really want to bring that back y'know?

Anyway thank you for letting me gush. I just super love this and like yeah it's the butchest hobby like ever (according to Phoebe who has the most femme hobby ever of macrame) but it really fits me. It sparks joy in a way I haven't felt in a very very long time and I can't wait to see all the things I can do

[rxbxlcaptain]

Sooo… If you're not too busy, maybe Jyn saying "I'm going to take care of you, okay?" (#5) or Cassian saying "I might've had a few shots" (#10). But there were so many to choose from it was hard to decide… (no tumblr account but I'm TinCanTelephone on AO3)

Have y’all heard of @dailyau​? They’ve been saving me recently because basically every time I see one of these prompts I’ve been turning over there and seeing if there’s any good AUs that could apply to this (because apparently I’ve recently forgotten how to write within the Star Wars universe I need to get back over there oops). Today’s one shot is based off one of their prompts: “You’re my favorite writer of all time and I’m so so pleased to finally meet you and OH MY GOD I’M SORRY I DROPPED MY TEA ON YOU” AU

I mean, read that. That’s just too good to pass up on. I combined that with Cassian saying “I might’ve had a few shots” to create this. I hope you enjoy! :D 

AO3

“What exactly are youdoing?”

Cassian startledslightly at the voice. It spoke to how distracted Cassian was by today’s eventsthat he missed Kay’s traditionally loud approaching footsteps. With thebartender quietly cleaning the counter being the only other person in the room,they should have echoed twice as loud.

Cassian wasn’t certainif it was alcohol or embarrassment that clouded his brain.

Motioning to the cheaphotel bar, Cassian said, "Imight've had a few shots."

“I leave you alone forhalf an hour,” Kay mused while shaking his head. He called the bartender over,requesting a glass of water. “May I ask whyyou felt the need to take, ahem, a fewshots?” His voice sounded skeptical and, based on the number of glasseslittering the bar in front of Cassian, he had fair reason to be so.

“It’s been a long day,”he groaned, rubbing his hand over his face.

“The meet and greet wasn’tall you expected? The award-winning authors turned out to be only human, whoneed sleep and coffee and nutrients just like you?” Kay offered. “Or perhapsthey were complete snobs with their collective noses in the air, glancing downupon the mere mortal who has only published two novellas, neither of which wereeven nominated for a Pulitzer?”

“You’re one to talkabout snobs,” Cassian snorted. “You’re one of the most elitist people I’ve evermet.”

“And yet for some reasonyou continue to associate with me.” The bartender appeared with the glass ofwater, which Kay shoved towards Cassian. Rather than drink it, Cassian simplyswirled the contents around and around. “Cassian, the story.”

Cassian resisted theurge to groan again. If he told no one else what happened today, only thethirty or so authors attending the conference would know it ever happened. Andthe waiters passing petite hors d’oeuvres. And anyone who watched the securityfootage. And…

“Cassian.” Kay clearedhis throat. “I am not asking.”

“I did the stupidestthing, Kay.” Cassian’s hands flew to his hair, the dark strands coming away awayward mess, much like Cassian’s thoughts. “I was just so eager to talk to her…”

“Talk to whom?” Kayraised his eyebrow.

“Jyn Erso,” Cassiansighed. At the blank expression on Kay’s face, he sent him an exasperated look.“The author of Stardust? And Look Up? The author who I explicitlycame to this conference to hear speak?”

“The name vaguely ringsa bell,” Kay said, waving one of his hands to dismiss the notion.

“You should. I’ve beengoing on about her since she was only publishing short stories rather thanfull-length novels. Those never received the recognition they deserved…”

“Cassian.” Kay’s voicewas sharp, drawing Cassian out of his tirade (the type of which Kay had becomequite familiar with over their years of friendship) and back to the issue athand.

“Right.” With a deepbreath, Cassian centered himself and focused on the story. “She had finishedgiving her seminar – a brilliant speech on not allowing the events of yourpasts to affect your actions of the future. You would have loved it, Kay, ifonly you had been there – Yes, yes, all right, I’m getting on with it.” Cassianrolled his eyes as Kay started tapping his fingers against the bar top as asign of his impatience. “Well, the audience filed out into a reception withfinger foods and coffee and that sort of thing.”

“Yes, you writers have apeculiar need to always have a warm beverage in hand.”

Cassian ignored theinterruption. “I grabbed a cup of tea – if only I hadn’t grabbed that tea! –and waited until Jyn joined the group. She didn’t come out for five minutes andwhen she did, everyone flocked to her immediately – really, you’d think they’dhave more dignity – so she was simply surrounded by people, which is when Irealized that if I ever wanted to speak to her, I’d need to be just as pushyand naturally that’s when everythingwent wrong.”

Kay stared at him,blinking. “I’m not sure you’ve ever talked so quickly before in your life.”

Cassian didn’t doubtthat. His words flowed in his writing, not in speech. Where he would trip andstumble while – the sheer amount of “ums”and “ers” that appeared in his speechmade him cringe – his writing flowed out of his fingertips smoothly, withoutpause or hesitation.

But if Kay wanted tohear this story, the only way Cassian could bear to repeat it is if he told itas quickly as possible. Ripping it off like a Band-Aid.

(Cassian doubted itwould hurt less to hear his humiliation repeated.)

Finally swallowing someof the water, Cassian shook his head. “What happens next is within the top fivemost embarrassing things I’ve ever done.”

“Now you sound like aclickbait article,” Kay said, rolling his eyes. “Continue, without thedramatics, please.”

“I had it all plannedout in my head,” Cassian sighed. “Tell her I’d enjoyed her seminar, point out afew of my favorite ideas, tell her my favorite of her stories. Maybe ask herwhere she gets her inspiration and then excuse myself by saying I won’t takeher away from all her other fans.” He looked towards Kay with desperation inhis eyes. “I had a plan, Kay.”

“Yes, the best laid plansof mice and men and all that.” Once again, Kay dismissed Cassian’s words with aflick of his hand. “Cassian, I grow impatient. Get to the point.”

“I spilled my tea onher,” Cassian blurted out. “I attempted to shake her hand and spilled tea alldown the front of her dress. Her whitedress, Kay. Her favorite dress is likely ruined because some stupid,hopeless fan wanted to slobber all over her and tell her how amazing she is,which she has to already know. And Icouldn’t get out a proper apology, I was just sputtering and standing therelike an idiot while the people around me got towels and actually be useful.”

Kay stayed silent for amoment, staring at Cassian with his eyebrows slightly raised. Then, he burstout laughing, a sound so unlike Kay that Cassian took a moment to remember heshould be offended.

“Kay,” he growled. “Thisis not funny.”

“Oh, yes, yes, it is,”Kay contradicted between laughs. “This is perhaps the funniest thing I’ve heardin years.” He continued, ignoring Cassian’s glower. “’Her favorite dress is likely ruined. I’ve ruined my reputation as awriter and she’ll never know how much I love her.’ Honestly, Cassian, doyou hear yourself? You’ve been driven to drink by spilling tea on a woman youwere trying to compliment. She must have been attractive as well as talented.”

Cassian ignored the wayhis cheeks flamed. “That’s not relevant at all.”

“Ah, there it is. The realreason you’re so embarrassed. Jyn Erso is not only one of the most talentedauthors you’ve ever come across, but also a young beauty. Did plans for atropical honeymoon and three lovely, dark eyed children feature into your planof how that conversation should have gone?”

Cassian wished he hadsomething to throw at the man. “And you claim to be my friend.”

“I am being your friend,”Kay reassured him, standing from his bar stool. “Friends tell friends when they’rebeing ridiculous. And, right now, you’re being ridiculous, Cassian. You’vestill got two days left in this conference. Perhaps tomorrow you can find Ms.Erso and laugh the whole ordeal off.”

Groaning, Cassianfollowed Kay off the stool and towards the hotel elevators. “I’ll never be ableto speak around her again.”

“You managed to rallyafter being denied from publishers thrice before being published,” Kay noted,pressing the up button twice in a row. “Somehow I imagine you’ll manage torebound from this.”