#i'm not dropping it yet there's more research i must do; things i'm still determined to . determine

[guiltyidealist]

So I'm pretty sure I've narrowed down a general region for where the Lost River map is set, plus a very strong case for what "actually" happened there ?

[bluejayblueskies]

Could you do "things you said at 1 am" for MarTim? Romantic or platonic is good. I'm loving all these prompt fics so much!

warning for some discussion of canon-typical worms

.

Tim sets the box of Martin’s things at the foot of the cot in document storage and makes a show of shaking out his arms and hands, even though it really hadn’t been that heavy. Mostly clothes and toiletries and other necessary amenities—though Tim had snuck in a small faux-leather notebook and a picture frame depicting a family he assumed to be Martin’s standing in front of the sea. Martin couldn’t have been more than five in the picture, but Tim recognized his auburn curls and button nose.

 If Martin’s going to be stuck in the Archives for the foreseeable future, he may as well have something personal to keep him company, Tim figures. So, he’d packed it away, gathered the rest of the items on the list Martin had provided him with, and brought it all back to the Archives. Sasha was already gone by the time he arrived, and Jon’s office door was shut, though a thin line of light escaped from below it.

 He’s been working later and later, Tim’s noticed. And if the cot already tucked away in document storage is anything to go by, he’s also been spending less and less time at his flat.

 “There we are,” Tim says, flashing Martin a warm smile. “You’re all set to live in the company of hundreds of years’ worth of dusty documents. Not exactly bedtime stories—unless you prefer the spooky sort—but, you know…”

 Tim trails off with a small shrug. There’s an ache beneath it, one that grows stronger when Martin curls in on himself slightly and says, “Better than the worms.”

 “Yeah,” Tim says, and some of it leaks out—a guilt so thick it hurts his teeth. Two weeks, and he hadn’t even thought to check on Martin.

“We would have come,” Tim finds himself saying, quiet yet too-loud in the space between them. “If we’d have known, we would have come.”

 “I know,” Martin says, his words ragged around the edges. “It- it’s okay.”

 “No,” Tim says, surprised at the conviction in his voice. “It’s not. You were trapped for two weeks by a worm-infested woman and- and we just took her word that you were out sick.” Tim feels revulsion bubbling up within him, a sickening nausea. “I texted her. I thought it was you, and I- I was sending her the things I would send you, little jokes and pictures I thought you’d like and offering to come over. But every time, you said no. Said you didn’t want me to get sick, and it was such a you thing to say that I just accepted it! After a week, I should have just come by, if only to see if you needed- Christ, groceries or something.”

 Martin hugs his arms tighter to himself. “I’m glad you didn’t,” he says, barely more than a whisper. “I- I don’t know what would have happened if you did.”

 Tim knows that Martin’s right. He’d probably be dead. Or worse. Still, he can’t shake the feeling that if he’d just cared enough to check in, Martin wouldn’t have that scared, haunted look on his face that he’s trying very hard to hide. “Yeah,” Tim says, that same guilt laced into his words. “You’re probably right. Doesn’t make it better, though.”

 Martin just nods. For a moment, they stand there in silence. Tim doesn’t know what to do, how to make it better. He hadn’t been there for Martin when he’d been trapped and alone and terrified, but he’s here now. He’s here, but he’s never been good at comforting people, at smoothing the pain from someone’s face or knowing the right words to chase away fear and sadness.

 So, eventually, Tim shrugs off his jacket, folds it on top of the box, and says, “You know, I have some playing cards stashed away in my desk, as well as quite an impressive selection of crisps and chocolates. I have to tell you, though—I’ve never lost a match of Go Fish.”

 Martin’s eyes when they meet Tim’s are wide with surprise. “What?”

 Tim shrugs and smiles, a practiced motion that keeps him grounded even when pain and sadness threaten to tear him apart. He hopes it does the same for Martin. “Thought we’d make a night of it. A good old-fashioned sleepover, if you will.”

 “Why—?” Martin cuts off, shakes his head once. When he speaks again, his voice is cracked down the middle. “You- you don’t have to stay, Tim. I’ll be fine.”

 “I know,” Tim says, a bit of that guilt pushing into the edges of his words again despite his best efforts to keep it hidden. He lets it take over, for just a moment, and says, “I thought you might not want to be alone. And I’ve been told that I’m excellent company.”

 Martin lets out a small, shaky laugh. “Do they?” he says, humored, and something warm spreads through Tim’s chest, nestling next to his heart. “I- I suppose… I’d like that.” He nods hesitantly and repeats, “I’d like that.”

 Tim flashes Martin another grin before heading off to retrieve the cards.

 They stay up late, into the very early morning even as exhaustion drags Tim’s eyelids down with every passing hour. Tim’s always liked spending time with Martin—on Friday nights at the pub or on the occasional movie night or even just in passing, taking a moment to chat at Martin’s desk before moving on to his own work. He finds himself moving closer and closer to Martin as the night wears on until their thighs are pressed together as they lean against the wall, the cards laying forgotten on the floor in front of them as they just talk. About frivolous things, like the kinds of flowers Tim likes and Martin’s favorite pastries. About personal things, like Martin’s visits to his mother in the home and Tim’s brief affair with Sasha.

 The clock rolls over into single digits, and Martin says, quietly, “I lied on my CV.”

 Tim looks over at him. His hands are fidgeting in his lap, but his mouth is set into a thin, determined line, like he’d been working himself up to this for a very long time. Martin must sense Tim’s eyes on him because he continues unprompted, “I- I mentioned that my mother is in a home, and- and she’s been unwell for quite some time, so I had to drop out of school when I was 17 to support us. Didn’t have time or the qualifications for a degree, but I needed the money, and- and nowhere was hiring, so I- I faked my credentials. Said I had a master’s in business or English or history—anything that might get me a job that paid enough to support us. For some reason, my lie about parapsychology got me an interview with Elias, and then… he hired me.” Martin sucks in a small, shaky breath. “I- I’m only 29.”

 Tim’s reeling a bit. He doesn’t really know what to say—what can he say? Eventually, what comes out is, “You’ve been here since you were 22? Without a degree?” He turns so he can face Martin fully and says, completely serious, “Martin, that’s amazing.”

 Martin flushes a bright crimson. “I- I don’t really think it’s- I mean, it’s not really something that I earned—”

 Tim puts his hand on Martin’s knee, and Martin’s mouth snaps shut. “To jump straight into an academic job without any prior knowledge? Yeah, maybe it’s not conventional, but it doesn’t negate the fact that you’re just as good a researcher as me and Sasha.”

 Martin’s flush grows deeper, and he mumbles, “Yeah, I- I guess.”

 Martin’s hands begin to twist around each other again, an uncomfortable gesture, and after a moment’s hesitation, Tim takes one of Martin’s hands in his, trying to offer support and reassurance in the brush of his fingers against Martin’s. He hears the way Martin’s breath hitches as he does so, and affection curls in his stomach. “I’m glad you told me,” Tim says sincerely. “And I hope you know that I’m not going to tell anybody, not unless you want me to.”

 Martin shakes his head firmly. “No, I- I really don’t want to be fired. I, er. I kind of need this job.” He lets out a small noise that could almost be a groan if it weren’t so laced with nerves. “Christ, if Jon found out. After the dog incident, I- I think he’d just fire me on the spot.”

 “Or maybe,” Tim says, “it might finally convince him to stop berating you for every little mistake.”

 “Tim,” Martin says, pleading.

 “I’m not going to tell him,” Tim says softly, squeezing Martin’s hand once more to firmly convey his point. “I promise.”

 The tension in Martin’s shoulders bleeds out, and he sighs heavily. “Thank you. For- for everything, I suppose.” He pauses a moment before saying, quieter, “For- for this. For staying with me.”

 Tim knocks his shoulder against Martin’s and then makes the split-second decision to leave it there, pressed against Martin’s. “Yeah, of course,” he says lightly. “We’re friends.”

 “Friends,” Martin echoes, like the word’s unfamiliar on his tongue. After a moment, he squeezes Tim’s hand in return and leans more firmly into Tim’s side. His curls brush against the shell of Tim’s ear, and Tim has the sudden desire to feel Martin’s lips against him, ghosting across his jawline and light against his temple. For a moment, he considers asking—taking Martin’s hand and raising it to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to Martin’s knuckles and his palm and the inside of his wrist.

 He doesn’t. Instead, he gives Martin a wide smile and says, “I like you, Martin. Me and Sasha and- and even Jon, I bet, underneath all that prickliness.” He gives in to his desires, just a bit, and lets his free hand come up to the side of Martin’s face, tucking a stray curl behind his ear. “How could we not?”

 Martin’s cheek is hot beneath Tim’s hand, and he can feel the motion of Martin’s jaw as he says, quietly, “I… I like you too.”

 “Flatterer,” Tim says. He loves the way Martin’s smile at that feels against his palm.

 They go to sleep soon after, Martin flat on his back on the cot and Tim sprawled on top of him despite Martin’s protests that we’re not both going to fit, Tim, the cot’s not really built for two. Tim can feel the motion of Martin’s chest as he breathes; he wants to curl up into Martin’s side and stay there forever.

 “Goodnight,” Tim mumbles, sleep already overtaking him. Maybe that’s why he lets his lips brush against Martin’s cheek as he says it, a slight enough motion that he doesn’t know if Martin feels it.

 He’s not awake for long enough to know for sure. But with the feeling of Martin beneath him, soft and warm and safe, he doesn’t really mind either way.

[muilkyu]

𝗧𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘂𝗿𝗲 𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗼𝗱

🐷 Hyunsuk

"Should there be that much blood? You're not dying right," the face would actually be kinda cute if he didn't look so disturbed, but you reply anyways.

"Yes and it's the normal amount now will you please just bring me a towel?"

"You know what you seem like you have it all figured out I'll let you do what you have to do and then you just call me when you want cuddles," Hyunsuk is already speed walking out of the room before you have the chance to reply.

God he's an idiot you think.

He loves you but periods just make him to nervous

He will give you all the cuddles in the world

He will NOT buy you pads or tampons no matter how much you ask

He is terrible at dealing with the mood shifts

🐼 Jihoon

"Babe what size do you need?" Jihoon questions over the phone.

"I need Regular and the brand doesn't matter," you respond.

"Are you sure the brand can also be important. I don't want you to feel any discomfort love."

You coo at your boyfriend and reassure him that as long as he picks regular you are fine.

100% would make a midnight run for you

He has a heating pad ready as soon as you mention your period

Buys you chocolate and snacks when you ask

Has ibuprofen or Tylenol for you when the cramps get to much

He says it hurts to see you in pain and wishes he could take all the pain away

🐯 Yoshi

"Do you want a hug or maybe a massage or I don't know...do you want me to leave?" Yoshi questions pacing around the carpet in your room.

"No but can you please stop moving your’re giving me a headache," you say holding you head.

"Okay so I should stay?" He questions sitting down on the bed next to you.

You hum and he pulls you close, tucking your head into his neck while rubbing your head.

Confused yet really wants to help

He isn't sure if he should leave or stay while you have mood swings

Claimed he would be able to help you through your period because of his sister, but he was actually clueless

He instead just cuddles you through all your cramps and headaches

🐨 Junkyu 

"Can we get ice cream on the way back," you whine pointing to a nearby Baskin Robbins.

Junkyu pauses and thinks for a moment, "I don't think we have time if we want to make it to the movie."

This doesn't sit well with you and the whiny face turns to one of sadness. You pout and slowly nod, "Okay. To the movies it is then."

Noticing your sudden shift in mood your boyfriend laughs in an attempt to lighten the mood, "Okay, we do have a few minutes to spare."

Doesn't want to but with a little push will do anything for you

He doesn't know much but is willing to learn

Doesn't want to make you upset so he just complies

He isn't a big cuddler but when your on the verge of tears from a strong cramp he turns to butter

🐹 Mashiho

"No, don't cry. I didn't mean to hurt you," Mashi says crouching down to be the same height with the couch.

You hold on the side of your stomach which he accidentally hit while trying to show you a new flip he learned.

"I didn't hit you in the stomach, why are you crying," he whines, voice becoming a little bit high pitched and it's cute.

"I get sore everywhere you fool,"

He looks a bit astonished at the new information, "Really?"

You look at him with a small glare but let up when you can still see the curiosity and remorse in his eyes, "Yes and now I need a pain reliever and a glass of water."

"I'm on it,"

He treats you like a piece of glass

All the information he knows about periods are from dramas and tv so he is really interested in learning

He doesn't want to make you cry or sad so he try to be the perfect boyfriend

When your having a bad cramp he talks in his cute voice and you smile (he considers this an victory)

🦁 Jaehyuk

"Say ahh," Jaehyuk says holding out the spoon ready to feed you a bite of bulgogi.

"You know I can feed myself right," You question back.

He pouts," I am aware, but you're already going through so much. Let me take care of you."

He looks so determined to help out so you end up letting him feed you through the rest of dinner. Even though you got a few stares from the other dinners around you.

"Let me take care you" he takes it to a new level

Anything that he can do for you he does

He makes sure your alarm is set and you're up in the morning

Makes sure you have extra tampons or pads in your purse

He also cares around a pill or two of ibuprofen

He made sure to do his research on periods to make the experience better for you

🤖 Asahi

"We should do something today," your boyfriend suggests.

You glance up from your phone, eyebrow already raised, "You want to go out."

"Sure why not. The sun is about to set and I know you want to go take pictures," Asahi replies. You smile already getting on a pair of slippers.

"To the roof we go!" You shout.

-

"The sky is so pretty look at that cloud," You exclaim, spinning around pointing at the pink and blue sky.

Ashai smiles at you. It's the first time this week he's seen you happy all week.

It's just a normal week for Asahi and you

Your cramps aren't as bad this week but Asahi despite being nervous takes care of you

He does little things that make your life easier. Such as making food for you, washing the dishes, and bringing you a glass of water without you even asking

🦊 Yedam 

"We should go to the park today," Yedam says over the phone. He can hear him shuffling with papers in the background, probably some lyrics or homework.

"I can't today. My period decided to attack me this morning. Maybe next weekend." You say.

"Ahh, well we could just stay in then." He suggested.

"No, I'll be fine, enjoy your free weekend and we can plan next weekend."

"Nope, I'm coming over and we are gonna eat Ramen and I'll sing you a song to sleep." He says.

"Okay, let's have a sleepover then."

Drops everything he is doing to be by your side

Sings you to sleep even over the phone if he has to

Sleepovers are a must for your relationship

You both love spending time together and when your cycle starts Yedam just holds you all night

He won't ask you about any of the details of your period but if he has to he'll will make you tea for your cramps

🐰 Doyoung 

"Can we make a special stop?" You ask.

Doyoung looks at you confused, "For what?"

"I need to stop and get something you just wait here and I'll be right back."

Doyoung still looks puzzled but then it clicked, "Ah, you mean feminine stuff."

A shy smile makes its way onto your face, but you nod anyways.

"It's okay we can go together." He says, already making his way to the isle.

Is comfortable with periods to an extent

Knows what to do when you have cramps or are out of pads

May have asked his mom for advice but won't admit it

Cooks for you when your hungry

Is just the perfect boyfriend when your not feeling the best

🐏 Haruto 

"It hurts. You don't understand it's painful," You groan holding your stomach.

"It can't be that painful come on."

"You know I love you but you're really clueless."

He sits down next to you, head in his hands," Okay, I know nothing about this at all. Tell me what I can do to make you feel better."

"Can you just hold me?" You ask.

"Of course. Anything to make you feel better." Haruto smiles.

"And order me pizza."

"Don't push it."

Doesn't really understand periods

He is willing to learn although he doesn't know anything

Decides to just be a good boyfriend and do whatever you ask

🐺 Jeongwoo

"Okay, I got you a chocolate chip cookie, popcorn, jelly, and orange juice and apple juice because I didn't know which one you would like. Oh and I also picked out a salad because all this sugar isn't good for you." Jeongwoo says placing all the food he picked up from the convenience store on the corner.

Chuckling you reach for the apple juice, "I didn't need all this food. All I asked for was a pack of gum."

"Yes, I know but what if you get hungry then you have more options."

"Awee, that's so cute," You coo standing up to give him a hug, "Thank you for thinking of me." Before you can give him a proper hug through he moves away.

"Sorry I love you but what if you bleed on me or something."

"Omg, really? Please tell me how I could bleed on you from giving you a hug," he opens his mouth about to respond but you put your hand up silencing him, "Don't answer that just make me my popcorn please."

Trying to be there for you

The overall fear takes over him though

Makes up any excuse to not touch you he's too afraid to make something worse

May have googled 'how to help your girlfriend through a period'

the advice didn't help

🐮 Junghwan

"Eww, no please just pick it up," Junghwan cringes pushing the pad away from him with the end of his pencil.

You laugh picking it up, "It's just a pad it won't kill you."

"How do you know that?! Anything could magically grow legs," he debates.

"I can't believe we are having this conversation right now," you say pushing the pad back into your book-bag.

You don't even get to talk about periods with Junghwan

He avoids the topic at all costs

The sight of a pad makes him feel weird

But when your having a bad cramp or just in a bad mood he will bring you a bag of jelly's or sweet bread (it makes you smile)

I hope you enjoyed!

Requested by: @kataaa2005​

[gh0stbra1nz]

jiann x male reader

request: You're a K-Pop-centred Youtuber who occassionally does collaboration videos with idols. During the promotion period of Newkidd's latest release, Come, Jaewoo and you are set to do a video together during which you'll do one another's make-up.

note: hey bud. first of all, thanks for being my first request! i don't know newkidd super well and i don't know a thing about make-up but i did some research and tried my best lol. i hope it's alright!

word count: 2.6k

Room tidied, filming set-up prepared, lighting adjusted; [Y/N] had readied everything for the arrival of Newkidd's member Choi Jaewoo, also known as Jiann, and yet he was still fidgeting with the unbuttoned sleeve-edges of his baby blue shirt.

It was a typical video, that which he would be filming that day. He had done it a handful of times already, once his Youtube channel had really begun to grow in popularity and his offers to small entertainment companies for collaborations were accepted. [Y/N] had done this before, but nonetheless, the idea of meeting Jaewoo in person was something that brought upon him a strong sense of giddiness.

[Y/N] had been following Newkidd's activities as a rookie group for some months already and had quickly developed a low simmering crush on the very member he'd be filming with that day.

It was therefore on that high of utter excitement and nervousness that once Jaewoo himself had finally arrived, naturally glowing and somehow even more handsome than [Y/N] remembered, that the youtuber's behaviour morphed into one of a skittish hyper-activity, desperately trying to come off as calm whilst they introduced themselves.

Not much time was allowed to trickle by with their minimal conversation before [Y/N] had to get to work and the camera beeped to show it had begun filming.

Jaewoo gave his second small bow to [Y/N] prior to sitting, a broad yet somewhat awkward smile on his face. [Y/N] was determined, however, for this to not be a negative experience for the young idol.

Sloppily rolling up his sleeves, [Y/N] went to stand behind Jaewoo's chair, bare lips pulled into a happy smile and hands softly clapping down onto the other man's shoulders, mildly startling him.

"Hi!" [Y/N] cheerfully greeted his eventual audience, sight directed into the camera.

At his exclamation, Jaewoo curiously peered up at him, a baffled grin adorning his face.

"Oh, we're filming?"

His voice itself was melodic, [Y/N] came to realise, somehow a blend of soft and deep. That thought in itself though, also made him realise how much he was blindly infatuated by the man.

"Yeah," [Y/N] confirmed, cutting off his own wonderings, "We're going straight into it! Introduce yourself to the viewers."

Jaewoo nodded, quickly facing forward and flashing a winning smile.

"Hello, I'm Newkidd's Choi Jiann!"

"Mhm, and you guys know I'm [Y/N], your local mess of a fanboy!" He took the opportunity to lightly squeeze Jaewoo's shoulders, prior to letting his hands drag as he moved to instead stand abreast the idol, "You know what we'll be doing today, right Jiann?"

The black-head's lips momentarily pursed, his expression playfully twisting into one of pondering.

"Something related to make-up?"

[Y/N] chuckled, tilting his head in agreement.

"Well my desk is, in fact, currently covered by palettes and brushes, so that was a calculated guess," He allowed himself a quick glance down at the man, finding him to be already gazing up with a keen smile. [Y/N]'s heart skipped a beat.

"Today will be really fun, and quite possibly a disaster, because after I do your make-up you'll be doing mine!" He paused, squatting slightly so that he and Jaewoo were at the same height, eyes locking at what [Y/N] decided to call a safe-risky distance. "Have you ever done make-up before?"

Jaewoo belatedly shook his head, a light laugh bubbling past his lips.

"Never, I'm afraid."

[Y/N] offered an almost timid smirk.

"Honoured to be your first," He cheekily replied, tossing in a wink for good measure, prior to straightening himself and already reaching for some wipes.

The idol seemingly had no qualms about the joke, merely chuckling as the tips of his ears very faintly dusted pink.

"Alright, so, let's get started and in the meantime you can tell us about yourself or whatever else you like."

[Y/N] got to work with wiping the other's minimal make-up off, being careful to be gentle but to also let his touch linger across the expanse of his cheeks and wide chin. Jaewoo spoke rather stiffly at first, giving a status-quo introduction of himself as a member of Newkidd whilst continuously peeking at the youtuber, wanting to take a glance at the look of concentration that had settled upon the younger's face.

"Your skin is gorgeous," [Y/N] stated once Jaewoo had briefly paused, and the compliment brought on a stronger blush than the previous one, now possibly a shade of pink on his ears that could be evidently seen on video.

"Thank you," He gingerly murmured, and [Y/N] couldn't help but admire the way Jaewoo looked up at him with a bashful smile.

"I'm thinking － since you have black hair － we should go for a sultry type of look," [Y/N] eventually states, pulling away and setting down his wipes, "Smokey eyes, red-tinted lips, that kind of stuff. What do you think?"

Jaewoo simply nodded, more than willing to go along with [Y/N]'s plan as the other must have certainly known what he was doing, considering the following he'd been informed the youtuber had. Then again, perhaps it was also due to the fact that [Y/N] looked really cute with his blue shirt and ruffled [h/c] hair and Jaewoo would most likely agree to anything should it leave the younger's mouth.

"Perfect. So I'll apply some toner, which helps with any dry patches you might have," [Y/N] squeezed some into his palm, "This is more out of habit though, seeing as how your skin is literally as beautiful as the rest of you."

Jaewoo didn't get the chance to reply before delicate hands were patting and rubbing along the curves of his face, making his breath catch in his throat and his dark eyes lock with those already staring back at him. [Y/N] offered a warm smile.

"Next, I'll put on just a bit of lotion and we can get to work on your look."

Jaewoo thickly swallowed, head tilted up at a better angle for the artist to work. "Okay," He said, to show he was listening.

"Right, so you guys had a comeback a couple weeks ago, didn't you?" [Y/N] asked, instigating a conversation for while he did what he needed to. Jaewoo quickly caught on, humming.

"Yeah, on the 28th," He replied, then briefly looking to the camera, "It's called Come. Please support it a lot."

[Y/N] nodded, "You really should check it out, the song's a banger and they all looked super great in the video."

Jaewoo dipped his head that was liberated from [Y/N]'s hands as he wiped them clean. "Thank you," he spoke and proceeded to watch as said male fiddled around with his boxes, intrigued.

"Apart from your own," [Y/N] had turned to show he held a square box of sorts in one hand and a brush in the other, "have there been other comebacks you liked? Ah, and this is just some foundation I'll be applying now."

"Oh, there are lots of talented senior artists with really good music this month, like Got7's You Calling My Name and EXO's Obsession," Jaewoo answered, attempting to ease his pulse that repeatedly quickened whenever [Y/N] dipped in particularly close.

It was strange, because Jaewoo had had his make-up done countless of times and his body had never reacted such a way. Perhaps this was different because [Y/N] was a guy, who just so happened to be very attractive.

[Y/N] let out a sound of agreement, startling Jaewoo from his thoughts about him.

"Yeah, those were awesome," He brought the brush along Jaewoo's left cheek, gently dragging it straight down then to blend in the powder, "Even Jessi and Victon delivered this month." He lifted his gaze to that of the idol's that was intent on him, and he quirked a playful brow when he saw Jaewoo to be dazed enough to answer in delay.

"Definitely."

Giving the final strokes, [Y/N] leaned away again and changed the box with another, clicking it open and analysing the colour for an instant before swapping it for a different one.

"Now I'll be applying some light blush mixed with highlighter, just to give some colour to your face."

After having said so, [Y/N] proceeded to mix the two, tapping his brush to bring the excess to fall into the lid. Of the hand that held the box, he freed his index finger to gently nudge Jaewoo's head upwards by his chin, their faces once more closer than necessary and causing a spark to continuously flow in the air between them.

"We'll put some on your cheeks, nose and chin so as to better define your facial structure," [Y/N] murmured in explanation, pulling his eyes away to focus on the way the soft bristles of his brush swept over Jaewoo's smooth skin.

"So, Jiann, what do you like to do in your free time?"

The question seemingly caught the idol off-guard for he rapidly blinked himself awake from his unfocused state, sight momentarily dropping to [Y/N]'s hands that had since closed the box and begun grazing over his desk, clearly in search of a specific palette.

"I play the piano sometimes and listen to music, but other than that I spend a lot of time with my members."

[Y/N] hummed, eyes directed upon the box he'd picked up, studying the colours.

"I didn't know you played," He said, and Jaewoo was oddly happy to see that the youtuber had finally looked to him again, "I'd love to hear you one day."

Jaewoo instantly smiled, quickly nodding, "I'll make it that you do."

The eager response made [Y/N] chuckle, a fond upturn to his own lips as he adjusted his grip on the fine brush he held.

"You can't go back on your word now, it's on camera!"

"I promise, [Y/N], I'll play for you."

A pregnant pause ensued, Jaewoo's flush returning at full strength after he processed what he'd said, and [Y/N]'s heart beat wildly against his ribs.

"I'll look forward to it then," He swiped his tongue over his bottom lip, briefly biting on it before smiling.

"Okay, now I'll begin doing your eyes. We're going for a dark look: black eyeshadow blended into deep purple at the end, with a fine liner along your top lids and at the edges of your bottom ones."

Jaewoo nodded, raising his head without needing to be told to, and [Y/N] mumbled a quick "Thanks," before leaning in and beginning his work.

They stayed silent for a while, but Jaewoo didn't mind. He took the chance to watch the male from up close when he could and obediently shut his eyes when he had to. There was something careful and precise about the way [Y/N] did his make-up that was different from how the staff his group had usually did.

"Alright, open," [Y/N] ordered, "I need to work on the bottom."

Doing as told, Jaewoo allowed his lids to part and flutter open, [Y/N]'s [e/c] eyes glimmering with focus as they bore into the idol's own. He sharply inhaled.

The remaining minute seemed to be a time of stand-still, both passing too quickly and too slowly, their close proximity bringing the two males to shyness.

"We're almost done," [Y/N] quietly stated, in a way akin to a warning, "I'll put some red balm on the inner parts of your lips and blend it out with gloss."

Jaewoo mutedly nodded, heart still thrumming in his ears even after [Y/N] had momentarily distanced himself.

He blinked and the warm hold of [Y/N]'s index and thumb was back on his chin, holding his head and forcing their gazes to meet.

"Part your lips a bit."

And Jaewoo did, watched as the other carefully applied the colour to his mouth and held his breath until it was over.

"All done!" [Y/N] eventually announced, beaming, "I didn't think you could look any hotter and yet, here you are."

Jaewoo dipped his head, attempting to ward off his flattered smile and flustered blush.

"Here's a mirror," [Y/N] said, handing him a circular one prior to stepping aside, allowing him to properly look at the artist's work, "Thoughts?"

The idol spent a few seconds taking in his new appearance, a look he hadn't really tried out yet, and found that the heavier make-up suited him more than he'd initially expected.

"It looks great, thank you," He told [Y/N], looking up at him with a fondness in his eyes that made the younger's chest warm.

"Well, I didn't have to do much, you're naturally good-looking," [Y/N] set a hand upon the man's shoulder, a gleeful smile stretching across his face, "Now that you like your look though, you have to promise to make mine just as good!"

Jaewoo chuckled, playfully shrugging as his left hand went to rub at the nape of his neck.

"No promises, but I'll do my best."

With the timid affirmation, [Y/N] went ahead and fetched a wide headband to push back his [h/c] hair and make it easier for the idol － temporarily-turned-rookie-make-up-artist － to do his work.

Swapping seats, [Y/N] allowed himself to sink into the padded chair and peered up at Jaewoo, smiling. Jaewoo couldn't help but think that he looked adorable with his mussed up hair and supple cheeks.

"You don't have to do the skincare part," [Y/N] stated, vaguely gesticulating towards where he'd left the toner and lotion, on a corner of his desk, "Do you have an idea for a look in mind?"

Jaewoo paused, contemplated, because no, he hadn't thought of anything because he was too distracted by [Y/N]. He looked at the younger's pale shirt and grey jeans, and an idea came to mind.

"Maybe peach or pink colours?"

He was afraid the suggestion was a stupid one, he wasn't experienced after all, but [Y/N] bobbed his head in agreement, lips still smiling.

"Sounds good!" He leaned forward, found palettes of colours that fit the spectrum Jaewoo wanted, and set them in front of the idol, "Here's everything you'll need. Do your best, Jiann!"

The idol quickly got to work, spending more time than most simply to choose the shades he wanted and even more so being perplexed about which brushes were best to use.

At his confused pout accompanied by a frown, [Y/N] chuckled, finally lifting a hand to point at one of the finer brushes.

"This will be the easiest to use."

Jaewoo gave a grateful nod, too shy to speak as he came to realise that he must have appeared to be a fish out of water.

"You don't have too worry too much," [Y/N] said, attempting to put the man at ease, "I trust you'll do just fine."

With nervous hands and a speeding pulse, Jaewoo immersed himself into his work, making sure to do as well as he could and even mimic what he could recall [Y/N] having done on him. The youtuber found it endearing how seriously the idol was taking such a playful task and didn't want to disturb him in any way, only scarcely speaking up.

By the end of it, Jaewoo had given [Y/N]'s eyes a peach-coloured tone, his lips a light pink gloss, and his cheeks a dust of rose; he even went as far as carefully adding glitter along the high curves of [Y/N]'s cheekbones.

He took a step back and smiled, meeting the younger's eyes with somewhat pride and admiration.

"It's not as great as your work, but you still look really handsome, [Y/N]."

》》》

i had no fucking idea how to end it and i was afraid it would get too long so i trimmed the end down a bit. i'm sorry if it wasn't all that great, i'll do my best to improve.

[moth-and-raven]

CHAPTER FOUR

The rest of the day passes in a haze. Loud cheers met Nadia’s announcement and Portia slipped into the rush just in time to board the carriage, tear-stained but determined to fight through it.

I must have been imagining things. I don’t want to think poorly of Julian, but I have to face facts: people will do and say anything to keep themselves off the gallows. He’s smart. He’s charismatic. He knows I’m working with the Palace. I can’t help but think he was just trying to endear himself to me, taking advantage of how obviously attracted to him I am. I can’t blame him for that. It’s my own fault for chasing what was a pathetic pipe dream from the start.

I retreat to my room after we return to the palace. It’s not unreasonable, considering I haven’t slept much in the past few days. From my bed, I watch spots of sunlight creep across the ceiling until I fall asleep. At least it’s dreamless this time.

Portia comes to get me for dinner in the late evening, when the sky’s turned purple. She’s itching with curiosity, peeking at me from the corner of her eye the whole way to the dining hall. Before we enter, she clears her throat.

“So, um.”

“It was nothing.” If I keep telling myself that, maybe it’ll hurt less. “Did you—?”

“Safe and sound. At least as much as he can be.”

“How long had it been since—?”

She pulls her bottom lip between her teeth just like he does. “Ten years, give or take. The last time I saw him was right after his apprenticeship. He came back to Nevivon for a few months while he was figuring out what else to do. I was only sixteen, so he must’ve been… twenty-five?”

The same age I am now. I didn’t realize he was that much older than me, though I suppose it makes sense. He’s lived quite a life. Yet more reason for him to see nothing of interest in me.

Portia pushes on: “What will you say to—?”

“I’m not telling her anything.” I shake my head and look away. “I don’t have anything to tell her anyway.”

That’s not a lie. I may know more about him now, but nothing pertinent.

“She’ll ask.”

“I know.”

I must not be doing as good of a job hiding my sadness as I thought I was, because Portia rests her hand on my shoulder and squeezes gently. I don’t have it in me to say that whatever she’s imagining isn’t true.

I can’t do this.

“Could you tell Nadia that I—” Humiliated, I choke on my tears. “I'm— I’ll be in the library.”

I’m already around the corner by the time she agrees. I don't know what I’m going to do there, but at least I’ll be alone. Again.

I may not remember beyond the last three years, but I know in my heart that I’ve never been loved like I am in my dreams. I probably never will be. With all the beautiful people out there, who would choose me, the fat twenty-five-year-old virgin so gullible she falls for every man who looks at her twice? What could I possibly offer someone like him?

Nothing.

Painful, empty nothing.

I end up at the library eventually. At least I can navigate the palace better than I could the South End. My tears have almost stopped before I feel the metal arc of the crescent moon still hanging around my neck and break apart again. I manage to reach an armchair, nestled in an alcove near a half-flight of stairs, and curl up in it as best I can to weather the storm.

I’m so ugly when I cry. Thank god no one can see it. No one ever should.

When the waves settle and my breath doesn’t feel so foreign in my lungs, I press my palms to my eyes and sigh heavily. I have a headache now, as I always do after I cry like that. I know I should be hungry, but I’m not. I don’t know what I am.

But I made a promise. To Nadia and to Julian. Even if I never see him again, I’ll help him as much as I can. And with all of his research, all the palace staff who knew both him and Lucio, all the magic echoes swirling around waiting for someone to hear them, I think I can help him a lot.

------

I was always more comfortable at night. I sleep a little bit, curled up in the armchair, but it’s not very comfortable and I wake up sore. I’m glad I came to the library, though: Julian’s desk is a mess of torn papers and marked-up books, underlines and strikethroughs and question marks in the margins, and I have so little time to piece it all together. If I hadn’t slept yesterday away… yesterday. I shouldn’t be thinking about yesterday. It was nothing. It is nothing.

He’ll be nothing if I can’t figure this out.

Portia brings me something to eat in the very early hours, right before dawn. Without saying a word, she draws up another chair and starts sorting through things too. She can read his handwriting much more easily than I can.

And Count Lucio’s name shows up. And again, and again. Lucio’s temperature rising. Lucio says wine tastes metallic. Alchemical fluid in Lucio’s prosthetic turned red, wouldn’t survive replacement. Observations in clipped clinical speech, but scrawled with ever-increasing desperation. Lucio spitting up blood. Lucio not sleeping, complaining of bad dreams. Lucio too weak to eat, still alive.

Notes on the dissection of a beetle, a cross-section of a human brain, a map of the palace with large red Xs over half the rooms in the east wing. Peeking over my shoulder, Portia points at them.

“That’s the Count’s Suite. He had the whole wing, actually. No one goes up there anymore.”

I straighten up, my joints crackling from the hours I've spent hunched over. “Why?”

She shrugs. “Nadia had the whole thing blocked off. It’s really dirty, from the— all the ash and stuff. And people say it’s haunted.”

“By Lucio?”

“I guess. One of the other housekeepers swears they saw the ghost of a weird guy at the top of the stairs once. That it looked right at them with spooky red eyes. I think they’re full of shit, but maybe it’s worth a look?”

There could be a thousand things worth a look. If I had more time… “I don’t know. I have a couple spells that might be able to pin down a ghost, but I’ve never actually tried them.”

“If it is Lucio, though, wouldn’t he be able to say who killed him?”

“Hm. That’s true. Is the wing locked?”

Portia grins and fishes in her pocket. “Not if you have keys.”

The main staircase is close to the library. I feel the air get colder as we approach, and the hairs on my arms and the back of my neck start to stand up even before Portia unlocks the corridor that leads to Lucio’s bedroom. It’s eerily quiet, all gray and black, luxury gone to ruin in the wake of a disaster. I’ve seen reproductions of burned-out buildings that look like this, after heavy battles. It crosses my mind that destruction of that caliber had taken extremely powerful magic to accomplish, not the actions of a single man weakened by pressure and long hours in the midst of a plague. Julian can’t even do magic. He said as much during our long conversation at the Raven. I can’t imagine anything else that would do this much damage without bringing the entire palace down.

Interesting.

Cinders crunch underfoot. Charred paintings watch us pass. A primal fear creeps along just behind us, whispering then asking then screaming at us to flee. I can feel my heart in my throat and adrenaline in my blood, every sense heightened. Tattered curtains move at the corner of my eye: I’m terrified to look and even more terrified not to.

But I can tell without bringing magic to my hand that there’s nothing here. At least nothing that wants to make itself known. There’s just a spark of pure rage somewhere deep inside the wing, but it doesn’t want to be seen. No ghosts, no goats, no ghost goats. No spooky red eyes. Just soot and smoke stains and three years of neglect. The fear lurking in the back of my mind isn’t supernatural, just the normal human mistrust of the dark and abandoned.

We go all the way to the end of the suite to no avail. Part of me thinks I should stay, but I’m getting tired now and the idea of sleeping in these rooms isn’t appealing. Portia takes my sigh as an admission of defeat and pats my arm. It was a distant hope anyway.

Near the end of the corridor as we leave, a small glimmer catches my attention. If I hadn’t been looking that way to start with, I never would’ve noticed it.

“Hey Portia, what’s in there?”

She lifts up the lantern and peers into the room. “Bath chamber, I think.”

We see it at the same time, as the light catches the red gleam again: falling from the sink are drops of blood. More of it trickles across the floor. The walls are stained from it, up to the window.

“What the fuck?”

My sentiments exactly. What is this? It can’t be actual blood, can it? This is the top floor of the palace. Is it bubbling up through the plumbing?

“Nadia’s gonna want to know about this,” Portia says in a small voice.

“Wait. Let me check it out first.”

She turns to look at me, pale in the lantern’s glow. “This is way beyond whatever my brother might have done. It could infect the whole palace!”

“Do you think it’s infectious?”

Portia frowns. “Did you… Were you in Vesuvia back then? During the Plague?”

There’s no point in lying. “No.”

“Neither was I, but I heard about it. Before I left Nevivon, some sailors docked and told everyone what they’d seen. People died so quickly, there wasn’t space to keep their bodies. And they were all red, their eyes and their fingertips, everywhere you could see veins.” She shudders. “I can’t believe Ilya worked with it and… and…”

She must’ve been so scared, knowing that he could die any day.

“You know that big ugly crematorium out in the bay?” she asks.

“The Lazaret.” Everyone knows about that. You can see it from shore, a jagged silhouette reminding everyone of the toll the Plague took on the city. I don’t like looking at it: it makes my heart ache.

“Yeah. Even with that, there were too many bodies. So many people… There was a rumor that the Palace stored the extra ones, until they could be burned.”

“Where would they have been able to keep them?”

“Dunno. But there’s a huge tunnel system under here, all the way down into the cliffs. And the dungeon’s really big.”

I’d wondered how Julian could escape the prison cells, when the only way out was through the palace itself. Tunnels would explain that, I suppose. “So do you think there’s still something tainting the water?”

Her eyes are wide in the dark. “There might be. Kinda like here, no one’s been in the dungeons for ages. Probably since then.”

I frown. It’s unlikely, but I can’t deny the evidence right in front of me. I take another step into the washroom and trace the flow towards the wall. Some of the stones are loose now, after years of water damage. There’s more than enough room for it all to drain away between them.

Weak dawn sunlight floods the horizon as I stand up and glance out the window. I can see most of the city from here, out across the harbor to the Lazaret and down through the South End and directly into the lush gardens below.

And beyond the gardens, flowing from the palace along the channel of an aqueduct, is a stream of blood red.

------

Nadia scowls at the dripping red water, then summons her bodyguard to her side and dispatches them with a whispered order. Both Portia and I follow her out of the wing, but Portia splits off at the base of the stairs to see to her duties while Nadia invites me into the dining hall for breakfast.

A massive, gaudy painting hangs over the table, eyeing us as we pick over the array of egg dishes and sliced fruit. It depicts a celebration scene, I think, presided over by a muscular blond man with his arms spread wide over a crowd of adoring citizens. Nadia notices me looking at it and chuckles.

“Admiring my late husband’s art sense, are you, Reyja?”

I don’t want to offend her, but I think Count Lucio should’ve stuck to partying. “It’s, um, very vibrant.”

“That was typical of him,” she laughs. “Ostentatious to a fault.”

People don’t talk about Lucio much, unless they’re cursing his name for all the damage he did to the city with his warmongering and overspending. I’m trying to solve his murder, but now that I think of it, I don’t know much about the man himself. “What was he like?”

Nadia grimaces. “Much as you’ve heard, I expect. Loud, brash, insolent. Committed to his life of luxury. I would not have married him, had I been sober when he proposed.”

She must catch my surprise, because she fixes me in her dark eyes and raises a brow as if daring me to judge her.

Of course I won’t. “How did you two meet?”

“He was visiting Prakra,” she says. “To present himself to Empress Nasrin, my mother, as the Count of Vesuvia. He had been in power for some time by then, as I recall. I believe he told me that he’d first come to this city nearly twenty years before, on a mercenary contract.”

“He wasn’t from here?”

“No. He was of the Southern tribes.”

That’s confusing. “How did he get to be Count?”

“The former Count grew quite fond of him. Lucio was named his heir shortly after he arrived, and took the throne shortly after that. He spoke often of the battle in which he lost his arm—” She points at the painting. Lucio’s left arm shines, gilded in gold leaf. “—the same in which Spada was killed.”

Lucio may have been bloodthirsty, especially fond of the fights to the death at the coliseum Vesuvia used to be famous for, but everyone knew his roots as a successful mercenary. Even in his forties, when he died, he was strong and virile.

Which was why his death came as such a shock. Who would’ve thought such a man would die in his bed, ravished by sickness and weak enough to fall to an unskilled assassin?

“What about the Plague?” I ask quietly. People talk about Lucio a little bit, but no one discusses the Plague at all, as if the mere mention of it will cause its return.

Nadia nods. “It appeared nearly overnight, five years ago. No one had seen its like before. To my knowledge, nothing like it has been seen since, either.”

“Do we know where it came from?”

“I’m afraid not. Little is known of it, save that it killed thirty thousand of my people in two years.”

Her people. Nadia may have been Prakran by birth, but this was her city now.

“I had been visiting my sisters when it struck,” Nadia continues, gaze unfocused as she looks back through her memories. “As such, I was forbidden from returning until we were certain it had passed.”

I remember the parade that welcomed her back, but I didn’t realize she’d been gone that long. It’s been less than a year: she must be so busy, trying to pull Vesuvia together again. No wonder the search for her husband’s murderer hadn’t been her top priority until now. “I’m sorry.”

She tilts her head, looking at me. “Understand this, Reyja: if the Plague has not truly left the city, and what you and dear Portia discovered today is proof of that, then the search for Doctor Devorak must be set aside. I am eager to see justice done, but one man’s life, when weighed against the lives of thousands, will not tip the scales. I hope I may rely upon your services regardless of that outcome.”

Her visit to the shop feels very far away. I’m attached to this now, however big it gets. “I’ll be here.”

“Thank you. I have sent Yazakh to fetch an expert on the Plague from their estate. I hope they will return soon, but in the meantime, I urge you to rest. We may have much to consider in the coming days.”

I take a small pastry with me when I leave the table and make my way back to my room. I don’t doubt that she’s right, but even with this additional set of problems, I can’t keep my mind away from Julian. Thoughts of him cloud my head as I lay down for a nap and they’re still there when I wake up. My stomach isn’t happy with me, swirling with guilt and humiliation and anxiety, but I don’t know what to do about it.

The expert still hasn’t arrived when I go up to Lucio’s suite to check. I pass the library on the way back and my fingers fly to the silver moon pendant still around my neck, following the divot Julian’s own nerves wore in the metal. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to look through his notes while I wait, if I can concentrate enough to get anything useful out of them.

I can’t.

When the sun sets again, I give up. Another day gone, and I’ve only discovered more things to do. I need something to focus on, something with a solution, something… something that might distract me from the fact that I’m no closer to clearing Julian’s name.

I can follow that water, if nothing else. I don’t know where it’s coming from, but maybe I can learn where it’s going. And I can get out of the palace, maybe work off some of this nervous energy. And I won’t be surrounded by pieces of him, distracting me from my mission. It’ll be perfect.

---------------

prev || next

[nadziejastar]

I'm not sure how I feel about Lea and Isa being apprentices. I think that "infiltration gone wrong" angle has potential. But prior to KH3 everything pointed to them being used as test subjects, and that feels like a much stronger story that tied a lot of things together. It feels like Nomura came up with the idea of Subject X and decided that backstory would suit her better, so he had to slot the boys in elsewhere to avoid redundancy.

Yeah, I definitely didn’t find the apprentice thing believable at all. There was absolutely zero evidence prior to KH3 that Lea and Isa were apprentices of Ansem the Wise and lots of evidence to the contrary. All the official media only ever mentioned six apprentices. There’s even this scene in the 358/2 Days novel:

Zexion had never trusted Axel one bit. In fact, he had never trusted anyone besides the original members of the Organization–those he had once known in the laboratory. But he found two especially untrustworthy: Saix, who had somehow wormed his way into Lord Xemnas’s confidence, and his close acquaintance Axel.

Zexion did not acknowledge them as fellow apprentices. There’s no doubt in my mind that Lea and Isa were not thought of as apprentices back when this novel came out. The novel writer would have been told this. There was a different story in mind for them back then. The apprentice thing came much later.

There’s a lot of unanswered questions about what was going on in Ansem’s laboratory back then. This is just my speculation of course, but I think it’s possible that both are true. There was an “infiltration gone wrong” and Lea and Isa were used as test subjects.

What are the “seeds” that Xehanort has planted?Nomura: In the secret event, Master Xehanort tells Terra that he has already laid many plans, and that the seeds have been sown. Telling Braig and Maleficent about “Kingdom Hearts” was one part of his plans, but what other plans have Braig and Master Xehanort laid? What other measures have been taken?

During the Blank Points secret ending, Master Xehanort tells Terra that he has many other roads open to him. And the way he glares at him shows how serious he was. It zooms in close to his eyes. He’s very confident that he would be perfectly fine even if he lost control of Terra’s body. We never actually see any of these other plans, though Nomura was clearly hinting at something in this interview.

Then the camera switches to a scene of Terranort’s apprentice days under Ansem the Wise, before the memory experiments. The camera even deliberately zooms in on his eyes, showing that they are brown. It felt like the trailer’s way of hinting that this is exactly what Master Xehanort was referring to earlier. Whatever happened in that laboratory was the reason that Xehanort has “many roads open” to him.

Xehanort must have always planned to become Ansem’s apprentice after taking over Terra’s body. That’s why he allied with Braig in the first place and it’s why he was in Radiant Garden at the end when Aqua fights him. He was planning on gaining his trust then using his lab and scientific knowledge to create his vessels. Of course, he never planned on Terra putting up such resistance or losing his memory. So that delayed his plans for a year. But the seeds would have been planted before he lost his memory.

The camera zooms in on Ansem the Wise’s eyes at the very end of that scene. This was a very deliberate directorial choice made to parallel the scene earlier with Master Xehanort and Terranort’s eyes. It seemed to be foreshadowing something. As we can see, Ansem’s eyes are bright orange. If Xehanort was planning on becoming an apprentice and making vessels as soon as he took over Terra’s body, he would know that he’d need subjects, of course. And who better to use than children?

Could that have been one of the seeds planted? Did Xehanort have something to do with Lea and Isa wanting to sneak into the castle so badly? Radiant Garden is the “city of light”. The Final Keyhole, the “Door to Darkness”, is in that castle. Kids would naturally want to see it. You might even be able to access another world through it. But nobody would have known about the Keyhole’s existence until Master Xehanort came along and told Braig about it, along with the existence of other worlds.

Within one of them, Terra, I sensed something. The boy, though well-intentioned, seeks power single-mindedly. And that kind of hunger is a seedbed for darkness. I had found my vessel. -Xehanort Report XI

Maybe Xehanort sensed the same potential for darkness in Isa like he did with Terra? Master Xehanort was in the same area not long before Ven meets Lea and Isa. Maybe he said something to Lea and Isa and planted some seeds before he met with Braig.

I thought it was interesting how Lea and Isa were so determined to sneak into the castle that day. Long before there were any rumors of experiments going on. And they looked so excited. It felt like they knew something special was in that castle. Who knows. Maybe they were like just like Sora and Riku in a way. Merely wanting to see other worlds.

Kairi’s detailed backstory is never shown. Sora can see some of her memories in KH1, so we know that she has been inside the castle before with her grandmother, although they did not live there. Somewhere along the way, Terranort got a hold of her and experimented on her. There’s a scene in the novels about this, too. It takes place when Ansem the Wise and Mickey are talking, and Terranort is eavesdropping. He hears them talk about the Keyblade, Gummi Blocks, and the Princesses of Heart.

“Aeleus, where is the girl?” Xehanort asked.

“She’s asleep…” Aeleus pointed to the capsule room in the back.

The girl was very particular–unique among people. They had not been able to create any Heartless using her heart.

Perhaps because she was too young, or perhaps…

Xehanort disappeared into the capsule room.

So Kairi was taken before Mickey’s arrival in Radiant Garden, but she was kept asleep in a pod. If there was originally a girl that Lea and Isa were trying to help after they sneak into the castle, it would have made more sense to be Kairi, not a Union X character. I don’t find it that hard to believe that Kairi was planned to be involved with Lea and Isa’s subplot. Axel and Saix both start off as enemies who kidnap Kairi in KH2. If it had been revealed that they only got into their unfortunate situation by trying to rescue her, it would set the groundwork for their redemption quite perfectly.

I have made a grave mistake. My study of the “darkness of the heart” began with a simple psychological test and quickly snowballed. Spurred on by my youngest apprentice, Ienzo, I constructed a massive laboratory in the basement of my castle. Unbeknownst to me, my six apprentices then began collecting a large number of subjects on which to perform dangerous experiments into the “darkness of the heart.“ As soon as I found out, I called my apprentices together and ordered them not only to cease their studies, but to destroy the results of their research thus far.

-Ansem’s Report 2 (KH2)

By the time Mickey arrives and speaks to Ansem the Wise, he is in despair. He found out that his apprentices had conducted unethical experiments without his permission. He ordered the research destroyed and, presumably, the subjects released. But the apprentices still had Kairi at that point. So it proves that they were still keeping a test subject away in secret, even after Ansem first found out and told them to stop. It’s possible that she wasn’t the only one. Maybe they had Lea and Isa hidden away, too.

Much of my life has been dedicated to the pursuit of knowledge. That knowledge has guarded this world well. Not a soul doubts that. I am blessed with people’s smiles and respect. But though I am called a sage, there are things I do not understand. I believe darkness sleeps in every heart, no matter how pure. Given the chance, the smallest drop can spread and swallow the heart. I have witnessed it many times. Darkness…Darkness of the heart. How is it born? How does it come to affect us so? As ruler of this world, I must find the answers. I must find them before the world is lost to those taken by the darkness. -Ansem’s Report 1 (KH1)

It’s unclear if Kairi was one of the subjects that Ansem himself experimented on. But it wouldn’t surprise me if she was. She and her grandmother were invited into the castle. Ansem was obsessed with darkness and thought every heart had it, no matter how pure. He would have been quite fascinated with Kairi, since she has no darkness in her heart. I don’t think he would have tried to hurt her. But he was desperate to know the secrets of the heart. And then there is the scene of her in Blank Points where she goes to the old mansion with Hayner, Pence, and Olette.

I have chosen a girl. I don’t know if she holds the princesses’ powers, but I will find out. She may lead me to the key bearer. I shall set her free and observe.  -Ansem’s Report 11 (KH1)

The body is gone; the heart should have returned to the Heartless. And yet, nothing. This one is unlike any other. Its memories remain and it has yet to take the form of a Heartless. A close eye must be kept on the situation. Much is still unknown. -Ansem’s Report 12 (KH1)

Some time after Mickey and Ansem’s conversation, Terranort decides to “set her free”, to see if she’s one of the Princesses. I like how he calls her “it”. She ends up on Destiny Islands, but it was actually Aqua’s spell that brought her there.

A year after the events of BbS, Terranort somehow regains the ability to use Master Xehanort’s Keyblade, and he steals the hearts of Ienzo and Even. Braig is very confused by what is happening. Terranort, sounding confused himself, steals Braig’s heart too, then starts referring to himself as “Ansem”. This doesn’t sound like it’s part of a premeditated plan. It sounds like he still has memory loss and actually thinks he is Ansem.

What on earth was happening within the hearts of my six beloved apprentices? While pursuing the mystery of the darkness of the heart, could they themselves have strayed into its depths?Yet I remain the most foolish of all, for having begun these experiments. We are not meant to interfere in the depths of another’s heart, no matter what our reasons for doing so…And my error plunged me into despair. A visitor from another world soothed my dejected soul. A tiny king named Mickey came wielding a legendary key — the infamous “Keyblade,” said to bring both chaos and prosperity to the world. -Ansem’s Report 2 (KH2)

Ansem the Wise said his research “snowballed”. Why did he feel the need to build a massive basement laboratory after the initial experiment on Xehanort’s memory? The initial results must have been extraordinary. Ansem says experiments, in the plural form. So he definitely did more than just the initial experiment on Terranort. Was he experimenting on others or did he just do multiple experiments on Terranort?

Strangely, both Ansem Seeker of Darkness and Xemnas have orange eyes. Terra had blue eyes and Terranort originally had brown eyes. Master Xehanort had gold eyes. So do the other characters who get consumed by darkness, like Aqua. So why does Terranort’s Heartless and Nobody have bright orange eyes like Ansem the Wise? There was definitely something more to this. Did something happen after Ansem experimented on him? Did it have to do with Ansem interfering in the depths of his heart?

Xigbar: The Chamber of Repose. If you recall, that’s where we spent our time researching the darkness that resides within people’s hearts. It’s a graveyard that was sealed by order of Ansem the Wise. The first thing Xemnas did once he got rid of him was to undo the seal and build a room in the back.

Xigbar says that Xemnas banished Ansem the Wise, then he immediately built another room in the Chamber of Repose, which looks a lot like the white rooms in Castle Oblivion. Xemnas can also use the chain ability from BbS.  He speaks to someone in there, and it’s implied to be Aqua who is in the Realm of Darkness.

In 0.2, we see that Xehanort is trying to use Terra to get Aqua to tell him where Ventus is hidden. The Terra that Aqua sees is an illusion based on the way she remembers him. Terra stops Xehanort by using the chains.

By the way, Aqua was seen to use the chains of light that Master Eraqus once did… how?

Nomura: Those shining chains are a special ability of Eraqus and his students. By becoming a Master, Aqua also became the successor to Eraqus’ “Master Keeper”, resulting in gaining the ability to use it also.

It appears that those chains are related to memories. Chains of memory? The chains are present when The Land of Departure becomes Castle Oblivion. And Castle Oblivion is a place where memory creates illusions.

Eraqus was about to use the chains on Ventus before Terra intervened.

Maybe that’s also why Terra was so confident that Xehanort’s heart was going to get “shown the door” and why Xehanort called Eraqus a sly fox. Because Eraqus stepped foot into his heart and gave him a special ability. The chains. They might have been the reason why Terranort lost his memory in the first place after he stabbed himself with the Keyblade.

Maybe these chains are what Ansem the Wise became so fascinated with when he first started studying Terranort. Also, for some reason Xemnas does not use the Keyblade that Terranort had. Nomura suggested that he was intentionally not using it, but we never learn why. Perhaps the chains prevent him from using it without risking Terra taking back control of his heart and body.

Xemnas: Our experiments creating Heartless were attempts to control the mind, and convince it to renounce its sense of self.

Marluxia: That’s right. Sora’s heart will be destroyed. If Naminé uses her powers to erase your memory, you’ll be nothing but an empty shell. Your heart will no longer be able to feel or to care.

In KH2FM+, you can see rooms that look like prison cells. Marluxia told Sora in CoM that erasing all of his memories would completely destroy his heart. It makes sense then that the experiments on the darkness of the heart also involved memories. They would be the key to creating a person without a sense of self. That’s also probably why the Organization conducted so many experiments at Castle Oblivion.

Comparing the Organisation members when they were human to when they were in the Organisation, apart from Xehanort, only Isa and Braig have differently-shaped ears and differently-coloured eyes - why is this?

Nomura: It’s a question of whether or not they’re deeply connected to Xehanort. In Braig’s case, comparing the scene where he’s injured in his battle with Terra and flares up at Xehanort, his appearance afterwards changes, which hints that something happened with Xehanort in between.

Braig’s dealings with Master Xehanort in Birth by Sleep make sense now, as he was to become a vessel.

Nomura: There is a certain reason for Braig to proudly exclaim, “I’m already half Xehanort.” Isa (Saïx) is included too. I think you’ll understand the details about their circumstances eventually.

Well, no Nomura. I’m actually I’m still waiting for those details. Though I think I’ll be waiting forever…

Interestingly enough, Saix has the same orange eyes that Xemnas and Ansem Seeker of Darkness have. In fact, they are the only Seekers of Darkness who have orange eyes. I am sure this was not just a coincidence, because Saix originally had gold eyes in his original appearance in KH2. But they were deliberately changed to orange in all later appearances. This was done in anticipation of further plot revelations, no doubt. This is another reason I think Isa was originally Subject X. It seems like he was involved in memory experiments, and he also has Xehanort’s heart in him. The question is: Did Ansem the Wise experiment on Isa, too?

Moving through time, Young Xehanort appeared in Radiant Garden and secretly talked with Braig. Saix (Isa) returned to human form and was taken away somewhere.

Isa was retrieved as a member of “The True Organization XIII”. The scar carved on his face has the same shape as the Recusant’s Sigil–is that proof Young Xehanort’s had his eye on him for some time? - Kingdom Hearts Series Memorial Ultimania

I like how they just left Even there. For some reason, Young Xehanort only wanted Isa. Clearly the New Organization XIII didn’t need Even or his unfinished Replica Program back when this scene was created in 2014. Nope. Just Isa.

It was when the figures started appearing in the thrones.Nomura: Indeed. Time was stopped just as Master Xehanort was materializing. So he moved his consciousness to Young Xehanort’s body. Reacting to this, King Mickey exclaimed, “Oh no. Are you…” Young Xehanort was holding a Keyblade that he originally wasn’t able to handle thanks to Master Xehanort’s power. Though the keychain on it is different, the Keyblade he takes out is Master Xehanort’s.

So…Xehanort can transfer his consciousness to any of his vessels and control them with his mind.

Who are the thirteen researchers of darkness?

Nomura: Thirteen seekers of darkness that share a consciousness and heart with Master Xehanort, serving as raw material for the X-Blade.

Oh. Of course, because they share a heart and consciousness with him. That explains the look that Master Xehanort gave Saix, who then immediately attacked Lea. He transferred his consciousness into his “raw material” and was controlling him, like he did with Young Xehanort.

What happens to the hearts of those who have had Master Xehanort’s heart planted within them?Nomura: They’ll gradually be swallowed by it. As for Master Xehanort, he plans to control them completely. The planted parts of the heart are captured rather than disappear.

I really don’t understand know how the 13 Seekers of Darkness had so much agency in KH3. It was totally at odds with everything Nomura previously said and what we saw of them earlier. They are supposed to be Master Xehanort’s 13 selves. Not independent free agents with yellow eyes. There is no reason they should have been able to conspire against Xehanort or betray him, outside of plot convenience. There were definitely heavy-duty revisions to the story after KH3D came out.

[be-more-boyf-riends]

Michael attempts suicide in the bathroom and jeremy finds him? I apologize. I'm a total slut for suffering.

Hi!! Thank you so much for the recommendation!! This fic is super long compared to my other one-shots I got rly into it lol. I hope you enjoy!!

I did some LIGHT research but not a ton so a large amount of this is NOT TRUE!! If you overdose on adderall, it is not possible to not get the side effect the nurse mentions. None of this is stated as scientific fact, it is all a writer twisting fact to fit their narrative - please keep this in mind!!

OBVIOUSLY A MASSSSIVE WARNING FOR SUICIDE ATTEMPTS AND DRUG OVERDOSES PLEASE STAY AWAY IF THATS BAD FOR YOU!

(Word Count : 1,933)

Michael stared in the mirror, the banging from outside becoming louder and louder in his eardrums. He watched the tears stream down his cheeks, breath getting caught in his throat as he struggled to keep himself upright. Thoughts raced through his head. Jeremy was out there - Jeremy was alone now. MICHAEL was alone now. He officially had no one ; he was officially…alone. Nothing he did had any significance. Nothing he did effected anyone, since no one was around him. His parents were constantly off on business trips, coming home once every six months if they even felt like it and sending him bills to pay for the house and food. He had no family. And with Jeremy gone, he no longer had any friends either. He didn’t have any animals - he wanted some like hell, but could never afford them, all considering. It was a shock the boy could keep up his weed habit, but it sometimes felt like smoking weed was the only thing keeping him sane. He felt his panic attack grow as his mind raced, his thoughts spitting out horrible, demeaning words. “Why don’t you just kill yourself…?” Something in the back of his head cooed, causing for his body to shiver. “We’re in a bathroom - Jake must have some pills somewhere. Open the cabinets.”Shakily, not even fully aware of his actions, Michael reached up. He ripped open the cabinet, ignoring the other side of his brain that begged him to be rational. He rooted through all of the medicine in the cabinet - ibuprofen wouldn’t do shit, and neither would the stupid childrens cough medicine. Michael knew he could somehow find a razor if he looked hard enough, but that was too much blood for some innocent person to have to clean up. His saving - or damning? who knows - grace came at the very back of the cabinet. With shaking hands, he pulled out a small bottle of Adderall, breathing immediately becoming heavier as he realized that he was actually about to do it. He scrunched his eyes tightly closed, thoughts running through him at a thousand miles per hour. Was he actually about to do this? Yes, he was. Nobody gave a shit about him - his own best friend of TWELVE FUCKING YEARS shoved him aside. Practically spat on him. Called him the same thing they had spent their entire LIVES being called. Michael quickly came to one realization - there was no place on this world for him. Nobody on this world for him. He didn’t belong here. Nobody cared, and nobody would cry. He was unwanted. He was useless.He was just some stoner loser. With that last thought, he tore open the cap, the tears streaming down his face in rapid fashion, making it harder to see. He dumped a large amount of pills - way more than the recommended dose - into his palms, downing it without thinking. He did that again, determined to make sure this worked. At first, he started shaking. Then, he collapsed to the ground, sputtering and gripping his chest. Weakly, he registered it as a seizure, and he knew it was too late at that point. He heard the door slam open. He heard screams, voices yelling for someone to call an ambulance. He felt arms reaching down and cradling him, arms he recognized. He was able to peel open his eyes for half a moment, just in time to catch Jeremy’s bright irises, before he completely shut down and everything went black. 

Jeremy was talking with Jenna when it happened. It all happened in a blur, but he remembered the main actions. Two boys ran up to him, screaming that some kid had attempted suicide in the bathroom and was having a seizure next to a spilled bottle of pills. Jeremy felt his heart drop, but he didn’t pay it any mind at first - he was sure Michael would’ve just left the party silently and sulked home. When he saw the boy in question - his best friend of twelve fucking years, laying on the ground and convulsing, he felt his heart shatter in his chest. “MICHAEL!!!” He screamed, running over to the shaking boy and weakly grabbing him. He propped his body up on his legs, completely unsure what to do while someone was having a seizure. He cradled his head, whispering soft comforts to him as he waited for the ambulance to get there. Everything seemed to be going in slow motion. “Don’t worry,” he sobbed into Michaels hair, holding it tightly in his hands. “Fuck, Michael, I’m so sorry. When you wake up - fuck you, you’re GOING to wake up - I’m going to apologize, and let you know how fucking MUCH you mean to me. Fuck, fuck. I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.” He rocked back and forth, holding the other tightly and murmuring, more for his own sake than his friends. The ambulance arrived, took Michael away, and left. Jenna offered to drive Jeremy behind them, and he took it in a heartbeat, willing to do anything to be with Michael right now. They got to the hospital only a few minutes after Michael, but the boy had already been rushed into surgery to get his stomach pumped. That left them waiting in the waiting room for what felt like days upon days, but in reality was roughly 3 hours. Jeremy couldn’t settle down, no matter how hard he tried. He paced the room, wringing his hands and shooting his head up whenever a nurse came out to announce a name. Whenever it wasn’t Michael, he would lower it slowly, and continue to pace. At no point did Michaels parents show up, despite the fact they were contacted right away and asked to get there as quickly as possible. The knowledge that his parents felt it more important to be off wherever they were on a business trip than to come be with their hospitalized, suicidal son filled Jeremy with unbridled rage - but he would solve that later. For now, the only thing he cared about was in an operating room. Finally, a nurse came over, smiling a smile at Jeremy that made him almost feel happy. “Michael Mell?” She called, Jeremy rushing over to her as fast as he could. Jenna followed along - she promised Jeremy she would stay with him. Jake had also arrived, since it was his house and he felt particularly bad, despite the fact he did nothing to instigate it. The rest of the teens had gone home to deal with the sights they had seen, but sent their best wishes to Michael getting better. “First of all, he’s alive.” The nurse started, and Jeremy nearly collapsed with relief. He felt tears brimming up in his eyes, but he couldn’t cry just yet - not until he knew Michael was alright alright. Being alive did not equal being okay. “Second of all, you guys were EXTREMELY lucky in the fact that i don’t think he had any long lasting damage. He smashed his head a couple of times, so he has a significant concussion. Other than that, he has a few bruises, and his stomach will be extremely upset for the next few days. Most people who have seizures from overdosing on adderall - well, they don’t survive. Of those who do, they have spinal issues that haunt them for the rest of their lives, injuries from falling into things and permanent brain damage. I cannot stress how lucky he is that he did not have any of these issues.”Jeremy started crying. He couldn’t help it - the words filled him from head to toe with relief. Sobs left him, despite the squip - who had been screaming at him the entire time to stop wasting his time in here - yelling at him to stop being such a pussy. He held his hands over his eyes as he hiccuped, pure relief flooding through him. “Okay…” he muttered out weakly. “He’s gonna be okay…” “He is.” The nurse patted his arm gently, smiling softly at the boy. “He’s going to be completely fine. Now, he’s awake, but barely. You can come in to visit him, but we request there only be one person - he’s still a bit out of it and we don’t want him feeling stressed or overwhelmed.”Immediately, Jake and Jenna stood back, looking at Jeremy. That was good, Jeremy thought in the back of his head - if anyone had tried to go in instead of him, he would’ve fought them. “I’m going.” He murmured, and the nurse turned to lead him. The second she opened the door to the small hospital room, he ran forward. Michael was awake - but barely, head rolling to the side and eyes lidded as he struggled to stay awake. Jeremy fell to his knees next to the bed, grabbing and holding Michaels hand tightly. “I’m so sorry-” he started immediately, but to his surprise, Michael cut him off. “Don’t be…” he muttered, a loopy and sad giggle leaving him. “It’s okay. I’m not mad. It was…I was…stupid.” He shifted in the bed, obviously uncomfortable but trying to hide it. “No. No, it’s okay.” Jeremy rushed, tilting Michaels head up so he was looking into his eyes. “I don’t blame you at all. Please, just - my god, Michael, never do that again, I’m begging you. That was so fucking terrifying, and I didn’t mean a fucking word I said, and I was so SCARED that you were going to die actually thinking I hated you because that’s literally the opposite of the truth I love you and-”He came to an abrupt stop, realizing what he had just said and slapping a hand over his mouth. “w…What…?” Michael slowly stuttered out, eyes widened as his brain rushed to keep up with what he had just heard. “Y…You what…?”“I’m sorry.” Jeremy said immediately, waving his hands. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that - you just woke up from a surgery and you’re out of it and that’s SO not something to put on you right now and-”Jeremy was cut off by the lips pressed against his. He let out a loud squeak, entire body going rigid before he slowly sunk into it. He subconsciously wrapped his arm around Michaels shoulders and pulled him closer, making sure not to hurt him in the process. “O…Oh…” he murmured once they pulled away, eyes wide as he stared his best friends. He found the others hand, squeezing it tightly and taking a deep breath as he tried to formulate what he was going to say. “O…Okay. Let’s..”“I love you too.” Michael murmured, moving forward to bury his head against the others neck. “And the lights in here are way too fucking bright. I want them off.” Jeremy’s cheeks burned a bright red, but he couldn’t help but giggle at the words. “I’ll see what the nurse can do.” He whispered, intertwining his fingers in the others hair. He dropped another kiss on his head, closing his eyes and just focusing on Michaels presence. His breathing, his shifting, the rise and falling of his shoulders - his everything. Things weren’t fixed, by any means. Jeremy still had the squip, and Michael still had mental issues that, added to everything, were really the things that drove him to a suicide attempt. Things weren’t pretty, and they sure as hell wouldn’t be easy.

Jeremy was still terrified, but he thought that as long as they could stay like this, nothing would be able to hurt Michael ever again.

[woozletania]

Sanctuary (RR/GOTG slice of life)

It started one day in the most innocuous way imaginable: nothing more dramatic than an E-mail. "Hey Rock," Quill said, slumped back in the pilot's chair idly scanning the screen as he helped Rocket work on a problem with the Milano. "Got a letter from your doctor friend." "Those're always good," Rocket replied, his head and body down to the armpits inside a panel working on control connections.  "Try the upper right aileron control." Star-Lord obediently pressed a control and Rocket made a happy noise from inside the console, his ringed tail twitching in not-quite-a-wag.  Peter went on. "Weird thing is the subject line is public but the body is locked, or I'd read it to you. All I can see is 'P. Foster' and 'It's happening again'." There was a dull bang from inside the console as Rocket's tail went stiff. Peter watched curiously as a hand appeared, set down a wrench.  Rocket's voice was deadly calm. "Read that again, Pete." "'It's happening again.' That's all I can read, man." "Oh.  Okay then." The hand grabbed the wrench and Rocket worked briefly, then slid back into view.  As usual he was covered with dust and smears of grease but a spot of bloody fur over one eye showed where he'd hit his head.  "That'll hold it.  I gotta hit the can." Gamora came up the stairs just as Rocket went down and the little raccoon pushed past her with even worse manners than usual. The green-skinned assassin took one look at the open panel and discarded tools the raccoon left in his wake and came to the obvious conclusion.  "In the middle of something?  Mantis has lunch ready." "I guess.". Peter fiddled with the controls, watching the indicators as he tried the various control surfaces, thrusters and engines.  "Looks like it's all working. Figure Rocket will want to work on it more though, he doesn't leave his personal tool kit just lying where everyone can get at it unless he's in the middle of something." But Rocket didn't show up at lunch and didn't answer when Mantis knocked on his door.  Weirdly enough he'd even locked Groot out and the tree, a little taller than the raccoon now and going through early teenage crankiness, spent two minutes banging on the door until Rocket finally swore and opened it. "What? I was just doin' some stuff." Groot handed him back his tools, which got a grunt of something like 'thanks' from the raccoon, who then finally emerged and locked the door behind him. Drax happened by just then and the three made their way to the common area for a belated lunch. Peter, Gamora and Mantis were all there around the table and Mantis reached out without thinking to pet Rocket, seeing from the angle of his ears that he was in a bad mood.  Rocket was a lot more likely to let someone pet him these days but this time he flinched away and sat by himself, grabbing one of the sandwiches from the platter without a word. Seeing Rocket in a bad mood was nothing new but he was usually nicer to Mantis than this and Peter spoke up.  "Was that letter bad news, Rock?" "Oh that," Rocket grunted between bites.  "Not really. He did say he met another guy who's up on my model of cybernetics and that I should have him take a quick look next time I'm in the area.  So I wanna swing by Kopleth today, since we're between money runs." "Kopleth?  Dull place, but I guess," Peter said.  There was nothing but the sound of munching and Drax loudly slurping soup after that until Rocket finished eating. The second the door to his room closed, though, the conversation started up again. "You don't believe him, do you?" Said Gamora. "Not for a second," Quill replied. "I am Groot," said the sapling. "Yes," rumbled Drax.  "He had his weapons out and a bag of bombs half packed when I saw into his room for a moment.  Whatever he's going to Kopleth for, it is not to see a doctor." Gamora's smart pad beeped, and she read the message before turning the screen so the others could see.  It was from Nebula. 'Not supposed to tell you this, but he's in your crew.  Rocket just asked me to help him kill some people.  Something going on I should know about?' Rocket should have known that on a ship this small it was impossible to keep secrets.  Perhaps he did, because when they arrived on Kopleth and he made his way down the docking ramp, bag-full-o-guns over his shoulder, it was an expression of resignation more than anything else that crossed his face when he found his friends waiting at the bottom. "Before you say anything," he said.  "This isn't anything you want to be a part of. It's personal business." Gamora held up her smart pad once more.  'If you are reading this I am dead, on the run or in jail. The bounty on me will be huge if it's the middle one, so I'll understand if you come after me. It was something I had to do. No apologies.' Rocket groaned.  "That was supposed to be time locked until tomorrow." "Not when I know to look," Gamora said.  "And I knew something was going on." "Yes," said Nebula as she stepped off her ship.  "What is going on, fox?" "It's happening again," Rocket said a little later in the Milano's common area.  "I can't let it happen again. Never again." "What's going on, buddy?" Rocket sat with his ears down and his little clawed hands between his knees. He counted the grenades on his belt, twice, before continuing.  "Doc Foster got a job offer.  They knew he worked at Halfworld and gave him a virtual tour of the new facility.  Animal Uplift.  Cybernetic implants.  Vivisection. Euthanizing the subjects when they were done.  Somehow they had data files from the Halfworld complex. There must have been a backup elsewhere and now it's all happening again." There were no tears in the raccoon's eyes. Just determination. "If I have to spend the rest of my life in a cell to stop this, I'll do it. Every one of these bastards has to die. But research like this is legal on Kopleth. I'm going, but the rest of you oughta get out of here now. 'Cept maybe the lady who already has a giant bounty on her bald head," he said, nodding to Nebula. "You're not going, buddy," Star-Lord said.  "Not without me." "There will be heavy security, yes?" Drax asked, and Rocket nodded.  "Then I will not be left out of a good fight." "And if my sister goes, I go," said Gamora.  Nebula just smiled. "You don't get it," Rocket said.  "We spent the last year building up a reputation. This could destroy it.  If it's just me you can say I was a rogue. I'm expendable." "No," Gamora said, and everyone (except maybe Nebula) said together, "You aren't." Rocket sighed.  Not surprised, just a little sad.  Peter spoke up next.  "So you got a plan, little buddy?" "'Course I got a plan," Rocket mumbled.  "Always got a plan." "One that involves all of us, not just you?" "Told you," Rocket said with the beginning of a smile.  "I always got a plan." And that's why it was that Drax, armed with a missile launcher of Rocket's own design, Gamora with her plasma rifle and Quill with his pistols stormed the front of the complex to draw attention away from the back, while Rocket, Rocket-sized Groot and Nebula, whose cybernetics made her eerily flexible, entered via the ductwork Rocket had identified from the schematics he'd studied. Some of the vents were too small for even Nebula and so they soon separated with a whispered "Kill only when necessary," for Rocket eventually allowed himself to be reminded that not everyone they encountered would be a monster. Yet the first thing he did was drop out of an air vent onto the shoulders of a Xandarian who was cutting open a black-furred creature, dig his claws into the man's throat and rip it out. "Nod if you understand," he whispered, undoing the furry thing's restraints even as the researcher toppled over. It nodded, and Rocket slapped an emergency medical patch over the hole the "doctor" had put in the long-eared creature and gestured for it to follow him. There was a thump against the wall nearby, probably Nebula shattering some fool's skull, and a black-clad security guard popped through a door only to get a chest full of Rocket's hand-made APX - Armor Piercing Explosive - rounds. The next room had nothing but a few empty cages and bloodstained operating tables, though Rocket reflexively pocketed a handful of servo components from a table. Distant shouts and gunfire meant the other Guardians were fighting their way in and this place clearly wasn't built and staffed to withstand a major assault, which was just what you got when Gamora and Drax led an attack. "I am Groot?" The black-furred test subject jumped when a three-foot-tree man man his appearance but Rocket just smiled.  "Yeah, can you get that door?". He'd been about to blast the armored portal but Groot's strength was all out of proportion to his size and his tendrils ripped the thing from its hinges. "Jackpot!" Cages, test subjects - and a couple of guards.  Rocket got one before they recovered from the sudden disappearance of the armored door and speed and small size gave him the advantage he needed to take out the other. "Get 'em out, get 'em out!" He blew away what he recognized as a cybernetics jammer mounted just outside the row of cages and Groot ripped the door off the nearest just as a white-jacketed researcher appeared.  Rocket hesitated to shoot an unarmed man and thus made a mistake that would make him wake staring at the ceiling and shaking for years afterward. The man didn't need a gun to smash his hand into a panic button and the result was clouds of green poison gas spraying from nozzles on the ceiling. "Shit!  Hurry!" The furthest cages were already out of sight in a cloud of poison, as was the researcher, and Rocket resorted to shooting the locks off the cages he could still see.  Half shaved, cybernetic implant-studded animals of several unfamiliar species  leapt out and ran for the door and Rocket cursed as he shot the lock off a cage that held a shivering yellow-furred creature curled in a ball as far away from the bars as it could get. He had already breathed more of the green gas than he liked and all he could do was grab the thing and yank it out of the cage. Mistake.  He should have known it would panic and with an animalistic shriek the long, flexible yellow creature wrapped around him like a snake and sank sharp fangs into his neck. The spray of red told him he was in real trouble but Rocket was no stranger to pain and he grabbed a gas-added creature from another cage and staggered for the door, weighed down by two of them and passing the handheld one off to Groot as he made it through the doorway and slammed it shut. Everything still alive in that room wouldn't be that way for long and he wasn't doing so good either. The whiskery muzzle was still clamped down on the side of his neck and Groot had to help him run the few dozen yards to daylight. What he saw when he burst into the light astonished him.  Not just the Guardians but hovering Nova fighters, not to mention ground troops who had rounded up a dozen white-coated researchers and were similarly trying to keep track of at least that many research animals.  His keen ears picked up the argument going on between a Nova officer - he recognized Dey - and what must be the head researcher.  "No authority here - research animals, perfectly legal," and something about "Murderous thugs." Rocket ignored the blood running down his chest, got his fingers into the scruff of the yellow thing slowly killing him with its bite and whispered, "Listen - all of you Subjects, listen, say this -" "Rocket!" Quill came running as Rocket's vision began to gray around the edges, blood loss and gas, and Gamora right behind him. No sign of Nebula of course, she'd wisely taken a powder. Just then the yellow thing's fangs came out of his neck and it said, slowly and clearly to the nearest Nova corpsman: "In accordance with the Uniform Sapience Act -" "No!" The head researcher tried to intervene, only for Drax to clothesline him to the ground. "I request sanctuary on the basis of inhumane treatment," the yellow thing said, and the other animals repeated "Sanctuary, sanctuary," and the less Uplifted  or vocal ones spitting out the syllables the way he used to, "sanct-u-ary," And then Rocket was falling over, weighed down by the yellow thing and never so happy in his life to hear one word.  It'd all been worth it.  Live or die, it was so worth it. ***** 'So, not dead,' were Rocket's first thoughts when he woke.  His neck hurt, his chest hurt, and oddly enough his leg hurt too. And the second thing that passed through his mind when he opened his eyes was how familiar the metal ceiling looked. "Why am I not in jail," he mused, and Peter jerked upright in the chair next to the bunk, dropping the Zune headphones he'd been tinkering with. A strange animal chirp came from low down, out of his range of vision, but it hurt to turn his neck so he couldn't see what made it. "Rocket!  Hey, everybody, he's awake!" In an instant the room was crowded with the crew, and even Nebula, and Rocket realized he was in Peter's quarters on board the Milano. The captain's cabin, if you could call it that, was about fifteen percent larger than the space he had before he turned it into a lifeboat and started sleeping in his round padded bed. "I have lots of questions," Rocket said, and then there was another, because a sleek yellow head sporting long, familiar whiskers popped into view as well. He'd never gotten a good look at it but this was indisputably the creature that nearly killed him.  He was too tired and sore to hold that against her.  "I guess they all fall under 'what happened'." "Peter had an idea," Gamora said, and Mantis smiled as she gently scratched Rocket's ears.  "A good one, for a change." "Thanks Gamora," Pete said sourly.  "I called Nova Corps before we went to the compound to see if I could get them to look the other way for a little while as we took off for our new outlaw lives.  When I explained what was going on to Dey he said the following," with that he pointed at Drax. "Animal research is legal in many places," the giant intoned.  "But as far as Nova is concerned, Uplift, or at least the abuse of the resulting sapients is legal nowhere." Peter grinned. "Since Kopleth has no military to speak of they couldn't do much when a Nova troop transport and escorts showed up. Even medics who patched you up, though it was a near thing. You had nerve gas in your system, a nicked artery in your neck and a splinter from a ricochet or something in your calf below the armor." "So we're not outlaws," Rocket said wonderingly.  "What about the research subjects?" "Under Nova supervision," Gamora said.  "To be granted full sapient rights and a share of the penalty fines being assessed against the company.  And we get a share of that too." "Free money!" Pete cheered.  "A reward for just doing good things!" "What about her?" Rocket looked at the whiskery creature, seeing the bolts almost concealed by her fur where the artificial collarbones lay.  He had bolts like that, too. "Her?" Pete looked puzzled.  "You mean 96L02?" "Subject Nine-Six-Lima-Zero-Two reports as ordered, sir," the creature said, and stood up as straight as its long cylindrical body allowed. Rocket winced. "Damn it Pete, you know better than that.  That's not a name and she - yeah, you bald bodies have no noses I know but she is a she - is conditioned to respond to that number.  I don't want to hear one of you say it again. Ever." He reached over to see how she would react, careful not to touch, and webbed hands/forepaws clasped his fingers.  "Rocket," she chirped.  "So so-ree I bit you." "I woulda done the same thing," Rocket said.  "Ask Pete. He got the scars to prove it.  Now we need to get you a name." She stood bolt upright. "Subject Nine-Six-Lima-" "No!" She shrank back, her little low-set ears sinking.  "That was what they called you. You don't belong to them now.  You can have any name you want." "But I don't have a name," she chirped. Do you know the names of the researchers?" "Rocket," Peter said firmly.  "You are not naming her after guys you killed to get her out." "Hey, it worked for me.  And I only killed four anyway." "I am Groot." "That guy killed himself," Rocket said, and that brought back bad memories.  "How many got out?  Test subjects that is." "Thirteen," Gamora said, "But one died from gas exposure. Before you ask, including the one in the operating room there were twenty-six in various stages of Uplift." Rocket swore, but Peter cut him off.  "Subject-" and the yellow creature stood bolt upright, "Er, Lima told us what happened.  Rocket, I was the one who told you not to shoot people who weren't a threat. It's my fault.  And if we'd all gone in the front, which was my plan, they would have gassed them all.  Your plan got some of them out and would have got them all out if you hadn't listened to me. So blame me, not yourself." "It's all right," Rocket grunted.  "I woulda hesitated anyway.  Didn't think a guy would kill himself just to get rid of some Subjects." Lima stood bolt upright at the word. "Why is she doing that, Rock?  You don't do that when people say 89P-" Rocket let out an inarticulate growl and Pete stopped. "Oh yeah, you killed all the people who called you that." "Except Doc Foster," but then Lima was gripping his clawed hand again in her webby ones. "Why are you so angry, Rocket," she chirped, and Pete smothered a laugh. "'Cause I was made to be angry. To be a weapon.  You don't have to be like me, Lima." "I'm not," she said immediately.  "I am for linguistics, and diplomacy, and companionship. I am to be cute." And with her whiskers and ink-dark eyes she certainly was. "No! You don't gotta be what they made you.  You can be whatever you want." "I don't know what I want to be," she chirped, and Rocket smiled sadly. "Welcome to the club, lady." One by one the others wished him goodnight and left for their beds, for it was very late indeed.  He'd apparently been granted Peter's cabin until he recovered, though he protested that he didn't need anywhere near that much space. "You're in no shape to curl up to sleep," Peter said.  "You need a real bed." I've got a real bed, and it's round, Rocket thought but did not say. That brought it to mind when Lima dropped down to all fours and curled up on a wadded-up blanket. "Groot," Rocket mumbled, and then spoke up despite his sore chest. "Groot!" "I am Groot?"  Naturally, the tree had been resting right outside the door.  He wasn't going anywhere until he was sure Rocket was fully recovered. "Get my bed, please." "I am Groot?" "No, it's not for me. Pete will yell at me if he has to sleep on a bunk and I don't use the bed he's lent me. And yeah, I'm too sore to curl up.  But look," Rocket said, and gestured at Lima. "I am Groot." "Thanks, pal." A moment later the tree was back with the round, padded bed, the one embroidered with "Rocket" and the Ravager symbol. Rocket knew perfectly well it was a pet bed Pete picked up on Earth but Pete never lorded that over him (which showed he had an active survival instinct) and the thing was damn comfortable. "Lima."  The yellow creature - Rocket was sure there was a species name for her, but he had no idea what it was except that she was clearly designed for an aquatic life - popped her head up out of the nest of blankets. "Use this.  It's comfy." She slithered out of the blankets on her short web-footed legs and gave it a sniff. "It smells like you, Rocket." "Yeah, I sleep in it, but you need it more than I do right now." "Are you sure?" "Yeah." Rocket smiled as she curled up in a ball in the padded bed, just as he did.  She was long and sinuous compared to his more humanoid build, but she still fit perfectly into the thing. There was a time he and Groot shared the thing every night, but Groot was too big now.  That had taken a lot of getting used to.  For years he'd slept in leafy beds Groot grew each night, then he and mini-Groot shared various beds, and then ultimately it was just Rocket, and now it was just Lima, or whatever her name would eventually be. "Good night, Lima.  Tomorrow we'll talk about your name." And that would have been the end of it, except that later, when the ship lights were turned down to a dim glow, Rocket was woken by a familiar sound.  A nervous chattering, whining, and the sound of claws on fabric. Lima was in the midst of a nightmare.  He'd heard all these sounds before from himself, and heard them described to him. She twitched in the round bed, and whined, and he had all too good an idea of what she was dreaming about. He'd always been the one to wake screaming, or shivering. Peter had the occasional nightmare, and with good reason, but he was stronger than Rocket.  Or maybe his nightmares didn't involve being strapped down and cut open.  Rocket didn't know what Pete had nightmares about.  Ego? The Ravagers?  His mother dying?  Yondu? He did know how Pete had helped him with his own night terrors, though. Rocket winced as he sat up, and using the cabin chair as a stepping stool (not something he'd normally need) finally made it to the floor.  He was tough, he healed fast, but the nerve gas had really done a number on him.  Stapled-up wounds in neck and leg didn't hurt half as much as his chest but he dropped to all fours and padded over to the round bed an its occupant. Peter, much larger than himself, had just petted him or rubbed his back to get him to relax.  Lima was as big as he was, though, and the only way he could see to make her feel safe was to crawl into the round bed and snuggle up next to her. She moved in her sleep and soon her whiskery muzzle rested on his shoulder next to his own. Bit by bit she shifted and he moved with her until they were curled up together.  If it weren't for their dramatically different fur colors and body shapes it'd be hard to tell where one ended and the other began. By the time they were snuggled up together she had relaxed, the shivering tension gone from her muscles and her breathing slow and relaxed. 'What I should do now is wriggle out of here and bed back on the bed,' Rocket thought.  But he was tired, and sore, and there was something about lying here snuggled up with another furry creature. 'Safe,' Rocket thought as he drifted off to sleep.  'I feel safe.  I hope she does too.'

[calamitysshatteredson]

I don't want to wait anymore I'm tired of looking for answers / I don't know if I'm scared of dying but I'm scared of living too fast, too slow / Regret, remorse, there’s no starting over, no new beginnings, time races on / And you've just gotta keep on keeping on / Can't worry about what's behind or what's coming further up the road / I try not to hold on to what is gone, I try to do right what is wrong / I hear a voice calling out for me / These shackles I've made in an attempt to be free (:

He found the cavern.  The entrance had been partially covered with snow, ice and rock, though Sephiroth had prepared for that.  What he lacked in enhanced strength, he hoped he made up for in sheer determination, clearing enough of a path for himself to slip through.  And if it should seal shut again before he could return…

All the better.  He thought bitterly.  A complete accident had brought him to some Shinra research records which hadn’t been completely destroyed, and that had included a map.  One he’d recognized from earlier research, then memorized before setting out.  Both the exterior and interior of what had been dubbed the Great Cavern of Wonders.

And indeed he did wonder, snorting quietly to himself as he made his way through some evidence of battle long ago.  The features of the cavern were scarred by blades, by fire… and he had only a slight idea of what may have happened.

The true battleground was not difficult to find.  He cringed at the idea of it; had Zack and Genesis truly fought there?  And yet, as far as he understood it, Zack had managed to survive a while longer.  Genesis…

Best not to think of that.  Instead, Sephiroth gathered his resolve and stood at the center, between the broken statue and what nearly appeared to be some kind of enormous materia far above him, mako and Lifestream strong enough all around him to make the air a bit difficult to breathe.  There was nothing nostalgic about those scents.

In truth, he had no idea of what to do after he’d arrived.  What to say.  How did one invoke a Goddess?  Clearing his throat, he tried for simplicity.  “Goddess, I… beg of you.  I’ve come to you to ask one last favor.”

All was silent.  Eerily so; even what little air seemed to circulate there went still.

Then darkness seemed to drop all around him, obscuring the walls, obscuring where he’d been or where he might have traveled.  But there, beneath and around him, tendrils of Lifestream moved freely, and from those tendril rose an entity that could only be a Goddess of myth.  Great and powerful armor of white and gold alongside a spear and shield to match, unwieldy and elegant at once.

Sephiroth had been so intently focused on the circlet upon her forehead that when her eyes opened, he felt himself startle.  But not back up, no.  He’d come for a purpose, and that would not be forgotten.

In life, he had never once begged.  There was pride to consider, largely; but there was also the fact that he knew nothing would come of it.  When he dropped to one knee in front of the Goddess, something inside cracked.  Burst.  “Please…”  He ignored the moisture on his cheeks, the way the Lifestream parted around him.  “Make some use of me, please.  My flesh, my soul–”

There were clatters to either side; spear and shield dropped.  But that could not have surprised him more than delicate, warm hands on his cheeks, gently lifting his gaze.

“She is a young one, is she not?”  The Goddess’s smile was impossibly soft, touch careful and light, voice gentle and booming at the same time.  “You would not believe – you should have seen!  Such devotion in the way she worked the poisoned hatred free from your essence.”

Sephiroth closed his eyes, unable to peer into the Goddess’ gaze any longer.  He took a deep breath and tried to focus, to still himself.  Calm.

He didn’t see the Goddess tilt her head, looking at him in concern.  “She forgave you.  Why, you must know even they stand behind you now.”

Eyes snapping open, they revealed fear and uncertainty.  “They..?”

“Those who hold the cells that keep them from merging completely with the Lifestream.”  The Goddess explained, as though it were such a simple thing.  Just a matter of course.  “Do you think they hated you?”

“They should.”  Sephiroth choked out, unable to define the flood of emotions rushing through him.  “They should want to find me now and tear me apart–”

“Are you learning nothing from this second chance?”  She demanded, though her expression made no accusation.  As if in agreement, the tendrils of Lifestream gathered around him again, whispering past but not quite touching.

“If you wish to be of use then go make yourself useful.  This guilt does not suit you.”

“How am I supposed to…”  There was no end to that question, not one thing he could narrow down to asking.

The Goddess’ sigh was fond.  “For all that you believe that you are not, Sephiroth, you are still human.  You are part of this world, and it is a part of you.”

He gaped.  Mouth open, jaw moving, words utterly gone for what felt like a great deal of time.  Then, finally, “I’ve wasted your time.”

“You haven’t.”  The Goddess assured, physically aiding him to rise and stand.  “Make certain that none of this was a waste.”

It faded like a fever dream.  Somehow he’d managed to make it out of the caves, stumbling, warmth and cold interchangeable.  Someone shouted before he’d simply collapsed, darkness all-consuming.

He awoke, perhaps minutes to perhaps hours later, shifting uncomfortably.  The sounds of being inside of a helicopter were familiar.

“Well well.  Never a dull moment, is there?”

He wasn’t even properly awake yet, and already Sephiroth covered his face with a minor groan.  It was the loud one.  The red-headed Turk, the–

Reno.  He’d been discovered.  Emerging from an area close to the Northern Caves…

“I suppose there are explanations to offer.”  Sephiroth mumbled.

“Yup.”

Sighing, he supposed he would have to make do with the situation.  Become useful… somehow.

Not that Sephiroth could help imagining that all of his “friends” in the Lifestream were having an incredibly long laugh at his expense.